#i really think ive done something to my heart why does it do that shit

[fairyreblogs]

me: yeah im pretty normal about peoples opinions and also any fandom that isnt markiplier like i like marvel and star wars but im not crazy about them-

person ive followed since my blog was created: sonic 2 was better than Star Wars Episode III

me, red in the face: SHUT UPPPPP SHUT THE FUCK UP SHUT THE FUCK UP (considers unfollowing)

[thesherrinfordfacility]

so i had the bright idea of rewatching s1 today whilst im working from home, now knowing what i know about s2, and so i can ruminate a little more on s1 with the additional context. ive barely made it past five minutes

im pretty sure ive gotten most of the frames accurate from this bit, and im sure it might just be a bit of demonstrative cinematography (which ya know, *chefs kiss*) but at the same time i love going into full year 9 english teacher mode about this shit, and i think there is something to comment on (which someone already might have done but w/e). in any case, this bit of dialogue is very noticeably layered with shots of crowley and aziraphale, but intercut with the shots of adam facing down the lion:

like, i can't help but feel that there is some symmetry in this and either other people have spotted it and im very behind, OR we havent spotted it and s2 spoilers have helped unlock it✨

so who is meant to be who here? for my money it would be that adam is mirroring aziraphale, and eve is mirroring crowley - in so much that at a really shallow level, aziraphale is a platoon leader, a guardian, fought in the war etc. crowley, regardless of his rank, is a starmaker, and let's face it the boy has the structural integrity of a strand of dried linguine. so we could look at it on that level (ignore the lion for the moment ill sort of explain that if it isn't already obvious)

but also we now know that this scene is not their first meeting, and that aziraphale and crowley do in fact remember each other and know that they have met, and in aziraphale's case is probably the teeniest bit shy bc damn heart eyes as an angel, heart eyes as a demon 🥵 but my point is that this is after the fall. after (as far as crowley tells it) crowley fell for 'just ask[ing] questions", and "just hung around the wrong people".

now i have my thoughts on why crowley fell: tldr because it would require another post - both reasons he gave above are bullshit and obvs conflict with each other, so i think that he doesn't actually know why he fell and has just guessed his transgressions so he can rationalise it, that god actually never had an issue with him asking questions, and instead it was actually god's plan to make him fall so he could represent the 'evil' side of free will on earth, as aziraphale's counterpart, and essentially ensure that humankind stays eternally 'in balance'

ANYWAY so the fact that in the lion sequence, 'crowley' is being shielded by 'aziraphale' against an unknown entity; but does this mirror a flashback, or is it foreshadowing? again, id put my bets on the former visually, but the latter... lyrically? idk the word but regardless take the dialogue:

"What if I did the right thing;

with the whole 'eat the apple business'?

A demon can get into a lot of trouble;

for doing the right thing."

so let's rephrase this:

"Was it the right decision to fall;

was I right to choose this for myself?

to choose the right to choose?

Because i feel like i could live to regret it."

so is crowley in essence already asking if aziraphale is on his side? is he asking if falling was the right thing, the good thing, to do (regardless of whether god gave him any choice in the matter)? But was he given the choice, first true free will? did aziraphale try to protect him during the fall, so crowley could get out in time (but ultimately fail? or at least bought Crowley enough time to find a back staircase and fall gently and peacefully, 'saunter vaguely downwards'?), and then get assigned to earth to be the 'good' side of the coin for humanity?

and is crowley asking if aziraphale will continue to be with him? in whatever romantic, platonic, acquaintance context you want - is he asking aziraphale if aziraphale will fight for him again, for them both? aziraphale made his decision, enacted his free will, in giving the humans a sword, and thus brought the concept of war and horror to earth, even if that was never his intention - so now swordless, and now only condemned to watch humanity as it strides out on its own (or was this the plan all along?👀), is aziraphale willing to do it? does he have the power, the strength, the will? would he stretch his finger over the line to fight on their side?

maybe im asking the wrong kind of questions, but all ill say is that in the above sequence? at the end of the dialogue? adam kills the lion.

i think 'their side' began in the job minisode, yes maybe, but also maybe the idea of it, the understanding of it, was planted here.

[ultra-raging-ghost]

Im real nervous main tagging this because ive said my main peace and i dont wanna clog the tag up, but i will say after some context given i have a couple more thoughts?

tw// SA, r//pe mention, etc.

This will be a controversial statement. Me personally, i dont really honestly care? About what he said? It was eight years ago and he hasnt repeated the actions so i dont honestly and truly care what he did eight years ago, he was 19 then hes like 26 now theres honestly and truly a BIG maturity distance between 19 and 26, but also it was. Eight years ago? Thats all i have to say on that?

I Also dont really care for how it was brought to light, from what ive heard from pt speakers the expose was done by someone whos publicly anti towards the Brazilian CCs and ive heard they've dug up some dumb things about pac that werent "hot" enough to get trending i guess and definitely werent condemnable enough to get him cancelled, so it's honestly and truly in my heart something i see as being done in bad faith.

Alongside this, ive seen translation screenshots from one of the "victims" (not sure her stance on being called this so its in quotes) stating she does NOT want to be aligned with these allegations and has changed her username and profile picture because she honestly doesnt wanna be involved and doesnt want it being spread around, this is something else i view as bad faith and if anyone was affected by this then its the best thing to do as they wish, this not only affects the person being called out but also their victim negatively, especially if the victims profile is easily attached to their real life and especially when the victim is a female victim of assault or rape or anything like that, i hate to say it but as an afab person ive seen it firsthand that thats honestly the culture surrounding assault victims, and most people dont want that being brought up or put out in the public. Im a victim myself - people view you differently, it affects platonic and romantic relationships, it affects jobs, you are actively hurting the victim by spreading this if they dont want you to do so and arent prepared for that to be spread around.

From what ive seen, some people are condemning Forever for getting a lawyer - i dont view this as him being automatically guilty. I view this as him getting a lawyer because this person on twitter has been actively harassing not just him but all the brazilian CCs on the QSMP. This is harassment, the case against them will hold up in court and Forever has said he will speak about this more when everything is said and done

Alongside this, i will say im unhappy with Forever specifically for his statement on the situation. It wasnt handled the way we wouldve liked it, but it also wasnt handled via ukelele, it wasnt handled the worst way it could've been. Ive heard pt speakers say it was kind of formal, there was some slang in there but overall i've read the translated statement and to me it sounds more like a legal statement than anything - he mentioned having a lawyer, chances are the lawyer helped him write it. To me it doesnt sound like anything he'd fully say which is why i was so put off by it at first but this makes more sense to me honestly, i dont know if anyone would agree with this.

TL;DR

All in all, i think its a shitty situation but nothing to condemn Forever over. I ask people be thoughtful regarding the girl affected, and dont spread shit around with her name or profile attached to it unless she states otherwise. It was handled badly on Forever's end and blew up WAY too fast on twitter.

I've generally seen people be well behaved on here, ive seen some strong statements but otherwise i like to think we're better than twitter.

This probably wont be my last post on this as we get more on the situation over the next couple days, but this is my main thoughts right now. I'm still choosing to remain neutral, but more mixed than anything.

[zoologicalcartoonvampire]

just rambling abt Ripper cuz its my blog and i can do whatever the hell i like

So yeah!

Just gonna start rambling about Ripper here cause i have some thoughts on him as a character and how hes seen by others within the show and in the fandom. Ill just-

Ill start with the fact that he's very clearly affected by the way he was treated as a child, through my interpretation of his character at least, it seems to me he had very neglectful family by the way he speaks whenever he mentions them. (Like his comments of him and his brothers being being dropped as kids, or how his "mother was right about babies- they ruin everything!!" Throughout season 1).

I feel this can also be seen with the way he's trying (and failing) so hard to impress others? Like all the time. Yet lacks the social awareness/understanding/empathy to realise that his actions make others uncomfortable or aren't the right thing to do (like thinking that showing off his muscles will make girls like him, or using Priya as a shield, or leaving Zee behind when he pretended to be a bird and failing to see it as an issue)

So like everyone clearly and understandably dislikes him for this.

He doesn't register how what he does is wrong. And when he does see everyone mad at him he suddenly realises that *something* hes done is wrong and tries making himself look better, cause he still want others to validate him or at least notice him in some way.

Again, that could be chalked up to his shitty parenting. Didn't teach him how to behave, he went for the ways in which he could get attention to make up for the attention he didn't get at home, all classmates hate him, shit at socialising, boom!

[[Also when it comes to his farts n stuff, yeah. I get why people could dislike him for it- but also- its total drama?? There are excessive fart "jokes" like all the time what where you expecting 😭 and its not rare for the writers to latch the "jokes" onto a specific character.]]

I actually headcanon that he has an undiagnosed intestinal/Bowel disorder of some kind (Like IBS for example) and his mother/father told him his farts were "his talent" (sarcastically, which he didn't pick up cause he has the brain capacity of a banana) and took it reaaally to heart and latching hard to it due to his parents usual neglect.

On a side note, ive seen a lot of people make a lot of jokes that hes a misogynist, homophobe, ect ect. Personally while i get they are jokes, i don't really see it.

He's never actually hateful towards anyone, he makes fun of people, i interpret as his sense of humour (calling Millie and Damien Nerds), or how he hurt Priya/Zee. But hes not really... A bully to anyone necessarily?? Like he doesn't make fun, physically or verbally abuse or repeatedly bother someone Or even be hateful towards others at all?? In fact the others hate Ripper more (using his name as an insult to Millie), than Ripper hates any of them.

Like Ripper is low-key constantly offering help and ideas ... Even if a bit unethical, gross or outright stupid. But hes ALWAYS trying to push the teams forward??

I think he just doesn't understand empathy and only understands others actions if they would act the same way he would or if its something that is noticeable visually (Like the episode in S2 where they had to cross those would you rather questions!)

And no hes not a homophobe he literally doesn't care and even asks Bowie for Dating advice 😭😭I hate the Fanon HCs that he wants to say a slur or smth

[aroace-polyshow]

also a thing for you if you ever want to ramble about hw- what's emu's story for this? how did she get into illustration, and how did she meet the troupe?

RAUGH I ALWAYS WANT TO RAMBLE AND IVE BEEN THINKING ABOUT THIS TY FOR ASKING!!!! also took a while this time my bad man. the route my bus takes has very very shit internet so i couldn’t continue my draft during my ride 💔

anywayyy. good lord this is fucking long. im sorry.

for emu, i’m still figuring stuff out with her, but i’ve been thinking about her a lot more recently, and so far what i’ve got is that she has a little bundle of issues including grief over her grandpa, toxic positivity and not letting herself feel negative emotions properly, some internalized hatred of herself and how childish she is following an argument w shosuke, and generally feeling kinda lost, like the rest of hw, after wonder stage closed bc she doesn’t know what to do w/o shows. yknow.

so like. she still has her whole thing w/ her grandpa. and she while she wasn’t doing the *best* she wasn’t doing that bad in the mental health department. still wasn’t letting herself like. grieve properly. but she wasn’t the worst. she performed a lot on wonder stage and knew that the stage was in danger of being closed down, so she tried really hard to keep it from happening. but the actors for wonder stage began to leave as time went on and the ones who stayed didn’t really get why she was so persistent in keeping this stage open when the others in the park were better and shit. and she didn’t have much help. so unfortunately despite her best efforts wonder stage was kinda doomed for closure. butttt she’s not giving up yet. so she tries to convince her brothers to not close it, or at least to just give her some more time. which Does Not Go Well. shosuke gets real frustrated with her and starts yelling and shit. and while keisuke shuts him down once he gets too heated. well. it’s kinda too late. with what he said about her being childish and demanding that she just grow up already and stuff like that, my girl takes that to heart. and then with the official closure of wonder stage…yeah…she’s not doing the best…

emu’s grief here is made worse w/ the wonder stage closure. cause like. that was her and her grandpa’s favorite stage. girl feels like she failed him. she loved that stage. she loved doing shows there. it was something she had to remind her of her grandpa. and now it’s closed. :(

since then she’s been. different. like it’s just barely noticeable to a lot of people but she’s definitely changed. she smiles and acts cheery and seems like her usual self but like. her smile isn’t quite the same. she’s not quite as talkative. she avoids her brothers a lot more. and her brothers have noticed btw and they both feel AWFUL. especially shosuke. they done fucked up and they know it.

also like technically she could keep doing shows, after all theres the other stages in pheonix wonderland, and she has experience in doing shows + is related to the people who literally own the place so it wouldn’t be hard for her to join one of those stages. but she doesn’t bc after all that, she thinks her goal of just wanting to bring smiles to people is childish. shows make her so so happy but she thinks it’s immature and naive of her to still want to pursue that, especially considering she failed last time. it’s a silly and childish path to pursue, and she needs to pull her head out of the clouds and grow up already, like her brother says. so despite loving shows with all her heart, she gives up on doing them. but since shows are so important to her, she doesn’t rlly know what to do without them, so that’s where that feeling lost stuff comes in. yknow.

for her art, i just think she enjoyed art in general, and with her grief and the wonder stage closure it helped her cope. i have a very specific idea in my head of her style. but i cant remember the artist here on tumblr that i think she does art like. if i can remember their name i will though. i might actually do a post dedicated to what i think her art style is like….

not set in stone just yet, but what i’m thinking for the original meet up is that she meets nene first. nene does music and emu finds it, and it gives her some inspiration for some art. she posts it and credits nene’s music as what inspired her, and nene is so fucking honored. through some light encouragement from rui nene gets the courage to dm emu to tell her thank you, and they start chatting!! they get along pretty well and emu starts making art for nene’s music. eventually rui has the idea to start animating them, so they can make music videos for the songs, and boom hw gets its beginnings online.

this happens before wonder stage closure btw. when it does close, emu disappears from their group chat for a bit. she comes back like nothing happens and while she doesn’t tell them what happened, they both notice she doesn’t talk about what shows shes doing anymore, or shows in general. nene and rui are both very sad at this btw. seeing emu have so much love for shows and be able to talk about them like she did was really nice, so to see her stop with that and seemingly not enjoying shows anymore after something happened, just like they did, it sucks. :(

anyway i think my timeline is like. during nene’s last year of middle school when she transfers to home schooling, she starts doing music -> everything i just mentioned here happens -> eventually they meet tsukasa, and he joins the group -> hollow ☆ wonderland does its thing as a group for a while -> main story shit happens. yeah. 👍

uhhhh. dear god i’m so bad at explaining my thoughst. augh. i hope this made some amount of sense. and that i wasn’t too repetitive lsajdkhfgyfdhsj. anyway miscellaneous emu thingies now.

like i mentioned, wonder stage hasn’t been replaced yet, it’s just closed down and sectioned off. so emu still visits it all the time. there is nothing being done to maintain it. so it is absolutely unsafe. but does emu care. no. girlie wants to disappear and while she’s not *planning* on dying, if she had to die anywhere she wouldn’t mind if it was at wonder stage. she draws there a lot.

a lot of her drawings are traditional!! with lots of bright colors and crayons and colored pencils. she has lots of fun drawing.

this applies to non-au emu as well but she has gifted stickers to all her friends. nene’s synthesizer is covered in them.

wonder stage was closed off at sunset. btw. just to give her another reason to hate sunsets.

[aperiodtm]

Familiar pt.2 | Sim Jake

PAIRING: (ex)online bestfriend!Jake x (ex)online bestfriend!fem!reader

SUMMARY: Jake has a plan (appearance of jay) (and an unnamed friend for now (?) im horrible at names.)

GENRE: bitter angst, lil crying

WC: 585 (well this was..shitting short.)

A/N: also based on real-life experience.. :)

im thinking of making this a mini-series?..

->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->

okay, Jake couldn't do this anymore. in his defense, he was attached. too attached, even after 6 months.

29 January, your birthday. a day Jake was always looking forward to, just so he could wish you a happy birthday first, which he, much proudly, was successful in for 4 straight years.

well, once some other guy in your school wished you earlier than him. stupid douchebag, he thought.

but that didn't matter when you said his wish meant more and was always first in your heart.

and god was Jake in another spiral, staring at the his endless messages with 'Instagram User' on New Year's Eve.

''what a great year it's going to be.'', he grumbled.

unwillingly while reading those texts, a droplet fell on the very desk he was at. then another. and it kept going, till he had to set that damn phone aside and pour it out.

Jake couldn't do it anymore, he missed you. you were his bestfriend. the one he could talk to for hours, to rely on and vent to when he had a fight with his friends, the one who had such horrible memory that you had to save little things you knew about Jake in a separate note on your phone. Jake found it cute though.

he had felt care, but this was attachment.

this was such a strong attachment, something he cried over so much he felt his heart clench. when he went out after the day you blocked him, he feet the agony when he saw anything that reminded him of you. he was so proud of your friendship he'd show it off to anyone.

and now, after that day, he couldn't focus on anyone but you. that day, did he really see you again?

after being done with all the emotion, he picked up his phone again, and wiped the tears away.

wait, he thought.

he quickly shuffled around his phone, through the same messages, till he got to it. one very specific message.

~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

| @(username)

| is this ur friend? i noticed yall matching pfps and followed-

| WHAT THE FUCK JAKE THATS MY BEST FRIEND HOWD U FIND HER?

| ok ykw nvm since u already followed let it be js dont talk to her she doesnt know i got online friends

| and DONT unfollow. she'll get suspicious and bombard me with tons of questions if she sees both of us know each other.

~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

Jake never really understood why you kept your online social life a secret so badly. but he never questioned it further.

until now.

he clicked on your friend's profile. and just stared at the screen. should he do it? but you warned him not to. but he wants to know- no, he needs to know how you're doing. this could be his chance-

''hey, you okay?'' it was Jay.

''y-yeah i..just been thinking..'' Jake sighs and puts his phone away. fuck it, just let it be. maybe he's going crazy, he definitely does not want to mess himself up further.

''tell me about it.'' Jay pauses, sitting next to him. ''is it about her again?''

Jay knew well, as his roommate, about what Jake has been through and how he remembers you time to time.

''well....yeah. Y/N.'' Jake sighs. maybe Jay can give him proper advice? since he's clearly (well, in this aspect) more sane and less impulsive than him. so, turning around in his chair, he faces his older properly.

''okay, so..''

->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->

to be continued!

ive been getting some ideas lately for series ^^ but ofc theyre gonna take long ahaha </3

[ryndicate]

describe your moots in one word?

Oh shit here we go.

I scrolled down my following list so if we're moots and you're not here it's literally bc I probably don't believe you follow me bc I have set you on a pedestal of some kind. And if you're on here and we're not actually moots it's probably just because I really really like you and your blog 😅

@dark-mnjiro ~ psychic. Lee somehow knows what I like without me having to say anything, sends me manga panels that have me climbing walls when i’m on the cusp of zoning from boredom, and introduces me to characters that turn me into some kind of feral territorial creature howling to the gods about my love for a character ive literally seen two pics of. We went from non interactive moots not knowing each other to talking all the time on discord within a few conversations and now im like what would I do without this friendship? 

@knchins ~ supportive! We haven't been moots very long at all but you've been kind to me and my writing manic keysmashes despite the short time, but thats the vibe I've gotten! And you are responsible to turning my mind toward spoiled Reo brainrot, i dont think i will ever thank you enough for Renunion hehehe

@boosyboo9206 ~ safe. It's really easy to talk back and forth with you and i love the way my heart flutters when send me puppy pics and art of my favorite pairings because that alone tells me that you’re thoughful enough to be thinking of me, and I’m so grateful that you don't judge me for being so awful with communication lol.

@kingkatsuki / @kingkunigami ~ assertive. its like jo really has her own brand and always just seems so unshakable, has the patience to respond to the constant stream of blank blogs asking why they’ve been blocked like its not obvious already. i love knowing when i go to her blog that im going to see her being herself. on top of her fabulous writing of course, im on her blog more than its healthy to admit.

@killsaki ~ real. Every time i’m scrolling their blog i find something to either cackle or bite my fist about. Dal is my favorite blog for unfiltered thoughts about their faves and just their life in general. if we met in real life im dead certain they’d be a friend i could count on to call me on my bullshit

@cyancherub ~ vibrant. Everything cass does is done brightly with all of her love. Her interactions with her followers are so lovely and its easy to see how much she enjoys hearing from everyone. And I can trust her to put her whole pussy into any of her fixations, and her fixations are ~top~ tier. While you were sleeping is still easily my favorite thing she’s ever written, ive read it through like 4x and it still leaves me breathless with its characterizations, the descriptions that im not sure she was even breathing as she wrote them, the energy is so wild and intense, and yet how well thought out everything is on top of it! 

@iwaasfairy ~ talentedddd. Fairy is either making me wet with her writing or leaving me soaked with her art, living the life of being amazing at more than one creative outlet. I thank the universe that we’re friends and that she trusts me enough to send me the snippets that she’s working on and letting me howl at her in discord about how awesome her shit is. I get some of the first looks and I’m damn proud of that hehehe.

[scarsmood]

whats the difference between bdsm and abuse to you? is the consent the difference cause Im confused about consenting to being harmed and how easily ive seen scenes go wrong (which leads to sexual assault) and the harm such violent sex can do when easily accessed as it is. Im just spiraling down a "why the fuck am i agreeing with radfems views on kink and bdsm in relation to women and trauma" Im into a lot of kink but a lot of it is also inherently creepy and makes a fetish out of trauma n race

Abuse occurs when BDSM is no longer in a fashion of sound and positive mind. For example I got into some really hard kinks lately. Kipnapping, knifeplay, bloodplay, drugging, restraints, general pain, sadism, you get the idea.

Overall in my experience it was largely healing, my intrusive thoughts have dwindled by a very noticeable amount. I have more confidence in myself and dont feel fragile or weak. I feel more proud to be who i am after having a knife drawn on me. So…why? Why didn’t all this shit turn abusive?

It comes down to why your doing it, can you trust your partner and yourself and is it loving/ positive. I have been in bad BDSM situations simple kinks like restraints have given me trauma before because my partner wasnt doing kink the same reason i was doing kink.

Both partners need to be playing in a positive space both looking out for each other. You should be able to 100% trust they will not have a change of heart during a scene and skip your boundaries, start legitimately hurting you, start neglecting you, or simply forget your needs. Those all lead to an abusive experience that still largely mimics BDSM to the inexperienced eye.

When a scene goes so right people wonder if it’s consensual that isn’t actual nonconsent. Thats really good acting and a strong relationship. There is always a safeword and non verbals to stop a scene. If its being done in a dungeon for example you may not know how many iterations and attempts it took for the scene goers to get things that perfect. (Hint probably years of alone practice and trust)

If a partner says a safeword and its ignored, if a partner can’t communicate and seems to be struggling, they look like they are no longer aware of anything really and cant make any choices. Its time to stop. Thats where things go from fun to abusive. If you can’t take anything away from your BDSM experience its best to not do those things.

You learn a lot about yourself when someones cutting you open. Not that I mind of course it was very fun. The entire time I gave enthusiastic consent. My dom is very good and i am very sensitive so he’d often stop to make sure I’m still good. He’d only continue when i gave that enthusiastic consent. The “yes lets keep going” not just a jumble of words like “sure i guess i dont know” if i gave something like the latter thatd be the end of the scene.

Cause scenes like that are an intense adrenaline high. If you cant think that clearly probably peaking anyways. Might as well call it and start aftercare to be safe. Doms after a point have to make choices for subs as well cause in very intense scenes you will loose your typical perception of whats ok due to adrenaline. So they have to look out for you.

Ok so subs get the euphoric learning experience got it and doms get to hurt people??? No. I have typically learned the most being the dom. I like my boyfriend it’s why were dating thats why if I am the one to be cutting into him my mind is split into two focuses. One mechanical, how am I holding the knife, how is my angle, pressure, where is it going and what vitals am i over? Do i need to adjust my pressure?

And two in equal parts, what does he like, when I do x how does he like it? Watching his reaction the entire time. To know when hes enjoying it, when its pushing him, when its to far. Ironically for me i have to look for a lack of response cause his nerves might as well be from a tank i think i could hit him with a bat hed be like “did you pat me on the back?” (Im exaggerating)

Anyways i know if he goes from fidgeting to absolutely nothing suddenly. Thats his brain switching from fun! To I am preparing to grin and bare it. So that’s when things stop cause it’s not constructive past that point. What happens if it does though?

For example when we did our first go around I bit him. Really really hard. He flipped from fun to grin and bare it. I had no idea. So i let go much later without realizing that wasn’t a super fun experience. After that scene he explained that response to me. I was able to point out when it happened and know when things go to far. To my knowledge it hasn’t happened again and I intend to keep it that way. It wasn’t traumatic, we talked about it we identified the problem and moved on. With lots of aftercare of course.

I have noticed in most of my life I always have had intrusive thoughts of stabbing, cutting, beating, just generally attacking people. When your cutting someone open in BDSM there is no room in my mind for those thoughts to run and I noticed these experiences overwrite them. Did you know? It’s actually very difficult to cut someone? Infact its extremely mundane and awkward. That killed most of my intrusive thoughts then and there. These actions do not inherently equate to power or blood lust, they are just actions. There is no magical high or redemption ark or some shit.

It is literally just standing holding a sharp object and making funny shapes. So. A lot of my power fantasies disappted pretty quickly. Cause its so mundane. It helps a lot in BDSM your doing these things out of love or trust for the other person. As a sub i learned im not fragile. My pain tolerance is (lol) but i am not. I was always afraid anything could break me and snap my back into stockholm syndrome or my abused mindset.

It isn’t true. It takes a lot to get there and roleplay definitely isnt gonna do it. Even actual abuse like being assaulted during hook ups (i got em dont worry, story for another day) still won’t make me snap back. It’s very empowering. When kink goes right it really goes right. I was suggested by my therapist to more or less slowly transition out of hard kink once I felt healed. I think thats a good idea. Cause you can’t dwell there forever.

For now though. It’s been a lovely experience.

[intertexts-moving]

wenzhou aside, ive havent really looked at hua cheng and his "take my ashes 1 day into our aquiantances" move like this before. tbh, ive never really liked this trope, i think its overdone (its done sooo often in hetero media!!!!! why!!!!) and i was kind of prejudiced when it popped up in tgcf. after rereading that scene and understanding their dynamic a little better, it didnt seem as outrageous and exaggerated anymore, but i still... couldnt really understand it. but i like how youve explained it. hua cheng is entrusting xie lian with his heart, without expecting anything in return, without telling him what it means, without wanting to put pressure on him, because xie lian, to him, has always been the safest place in the world. i like how he does this after they have that important identity reveal conversation, its incredibly romantic and sweet

hhgbkggghh hualian.. idk idk idk something about the... god how do i put this. the trope of. the kind of huge vulnerability that's not even framed as such because of the inherent trust that it'll be safe with them? iykwim? that gets me every fucking time both here & w/ wenzhou... & also YEAH what u said abt. entrusting him with it without putting pressure on him. bad at words today but. its everything to me.. tgcf is full of that shit imo there's so many parts that just read as like. tacky and exaggerated as fuck until you reread them & figure out the context a little bit n go oh. OH. idk it IS a cheesy hetero trope but it works so so well in context here i think bc like. that's hua cheng's whole deal!! & it's not empty or overexaggerated b/c he's backed it up with eight hundred years of devotion.. all of the stupid big gestures in tgcf good because they're in keeping w/ the scale of the narrative itself. ok ok i'm getting entirely sidetracked oops. sorry. absolutely incoherent answer i'm melty brained today. anyway. yeah!!!!!!

[intcritus]

Olu watches Aizawa, not really understanding how he does the things he does with that look of his but it works well. Even now when they were on errands together, he was a well known face to those that needed to know it and seemingly it was a lot more than Olu' thought. Still, attention was once more theirs and theirs alone - to which the larger of the two spoke up with some curiosity. "Is your work ever done?" He questioned with wonder, since being a Hero must be a tasking thing to aim for - now he kind of understands Shoto's need to get out of it, to hide in arms of those that want to hold him from the horrors of the world.

"Is it so normal here for children to be thrown into the frontlines because of their ... 'quirks'?" Olu wasn't a fan of it, to think in this country - Osakwe could have been tossed into a school like this with expectations to fight. "Do you ever have time to rest or will you be a 'hero' until you die here?"

❝ ━ when they graduate, i'm going to retire. i'll always be their teacher, but i'm tired. ❞ aizawa was honest with himself, being a hero was what he had wanted to be. it's something he went into headfirst knowing what the outcome could be at any time of day. but it's also the reason why he so harshly dissuades certain students from pursuing heroics at all. not every kid wanted to be a hero on the frontlines. no kid expected to be in the middle of a war, no parent wanted to see their young child's multilated body on a stretcher and the erasure hero knew first hand what it was like to lose someone precious to him. he'd lost oboro and now midnight and there's no telling what else that he will lose. ❝ ━ i didn't have to be a hero, i could've done anything but i wanted to be worth something, ❞ he admits gruffly, lids sliding close as his heart stutters at his own admission. he remembers just how hard he worked, how he really had no one in his corner.

yes, he had his friends but they didn't really understand what it was like to grow up with no one on his side. with his quirk, he could stop the villains he always saw on t.v., he could be of help. and everyone had been raving about ua, allmights alma mater, and he found himself wanting to be a part of that, just a little.

❝ ━ even some of the best quirks i've seen aren't on the frontlines, they're hidden away, helping where they can. in a society like this where quirks are seen as a miracle, something special, and sometimes not special at all, it can be a huge pressure. i would never willingly put my kids on the frontline, it was a ridiculous choice made by those above me. all of them had already been too much and i expected everyone of them to want different for themselves. ❞ he wanted them to be kids, to deal with teenage angst, not villains who targeted them because of allmight's legacy, of the legacy of what it was to be a hero.

tilting his head up, shoulders drop, a subtle pout to his lips as brows furrowed, ❝ ━ i try to rest when i can. ever since i was young, ive never really stopped. one of my...um, i hold a lot of guilt, asking myself if i was stronger, if i was faster, i could prevent things and in that mindset, there's never any chance for a proper rest. what if i'm resting and one of them needs me ? what if i'm resting and something goes to shit ? ❞ painful thoughts that keep his hypervigilance alive and his entirety suffers terribly because of it. ❝ ━ i'll die protecting them, protecting those i care about, but truthfully, i don't want to die being a hero. maybe of old age ? owning a cat cafe, maybe. i do want a life outside of this, but i've never given myself that chance because of well...my own career choice.❞

[pherre]

Hey its been a while. Spektor-anon. Life got kinda crazy which is why i havent reached out to talk about how much i love mash (i love it very muchly) i watched thru the rest of it! Loved it!! Youre right tho, the show punishes hawkeye too much. Like i agree he was a self important self righteous dude who sometimes needed to be taken down a peg, but also hes self righteous and CORRECT. war bad. War bad!!! It rlly took me out when they had an episode where hawk has to like???? Apologize to a general or something for being too disrespectful like NO!!! Mash is supposed to be totally skeptical of the respect ppl thoughtlessly pay the military. Even when margaret started getting character development id always felt that while the show respected her careerism, for the most part the show took her military zeal to be sort of to her detriment. Like her competence and comittment to excellence in a male centered world is commendable but her jingoism and thoughtless obedience to order is a flaw- a flaw they personalize to her bad relationship with her dad. The show comes to the conclusion she needs to learn how to be less starry eyed and to get her self worth somewhere other than her father and i feel like it comes to that conclusion visavis her relationship to the military as well. Love that. So why punish hawkeye is my thing? Feels like a fumble in the antiwar show to shit on the antiwar guy for being too antiwar >:>[.

Also also gfa? Gfa! My beloved gfa!!! Hawkeye has a mental breakdown and no one is equipped to deal with it least of all bj? Exquisite. Ruining music for charles by indelibly associating it with war!! Amazing! (It really figures that he would only be capable of respecting an asian man if that asian man has command over western culture aka mozart, but i still think it deals a blow to his western elitism all the same which i count as a win) also amazing- margaret and charles's send off!!! Klinger and Soon Lee was heart healing. Finally in the very last episode mash gives us a little depth to korean characters. Thank god. I love klinger in love. I love their romance its so compelling. Also also also the mulcahy stuff was so so heart breaking and brilliant and i love it. I love that bj is the only one who knows! No one else knows!!! I love all these missed moments of connection. Mash rlly knows how to make the moments of connection (the mozart. The poetry book. The goodbye note) hit and it does it in part by also giving you moments of missed opportunity in spades (bj cant rlly support hawk the way he needs and he cant be honest. Mulcahy never heards hawks parting words and in turn hawkeye never knows that. And he never knows why. And everyone is parting ways mostly forever. And you as an audience get to know some of the side characters who never got any play before for a brief shining second and then theyre gone and you know they had a full life and perspective that you never got to see and never will aka that one nurse "i think ive had it" line)

Thank you for giving me my favorite show. And thank you for humoring me in your askbox as i talk about it. Very kind and silly and thoughtful of you. Very caring even to a stranger. Very mash xoxoxox

SPEKTOR ANON I MISSED YOU SO MUCH i hope you're doing alright rn

if i'm being fully honest i don't really remember the episode you're talking about - i recall a couple where hawkeye went head to head with a general and was forced to stand down or something like that but i don't think the show ever punished him for his antiwar position? the most its ever done was show him as someone who's swinging at windmills i think

margarets arc in that regard is so good though. far from perfect but still very very good

you're so right about the missed moments and i'm glad you liked gfa vvgfgfhfgh!! mash is so good at creating a sense of bittersweetness, its genuinely one of its best qualities. they're having fun watching a movie but the casualties are inevitably coming etc etc. and charles is just..... i know the music is the literal thing he loses in gfa but i like to interpret it as him losing his sense of self and his place in the world (charles class consciousness era)

also shoutout to bigelow (the "i've had it" nurse) woman of all time

thank you for coming to my askbox for all these months anon! i'm like..... actually emotional, it means so much to me that something i made out of love for mash helped you find it and love it too. i'm so happy it touched you as well.

i hope you come around again! i'm always here to talk about mash and im always happy to see you in my askbox

[ispent5hrscreatingavalidblogname]

Do you know who I am,do riddle me this

Ive been hit by a bus and oh I've done that too,Ive strangled my wife so am homicidal and I've been convicted and sentenced death for what might be the hundreth time and I've saved lives too I've saved alot of them and no am not Omni man,more clues?.....lol okay okay let's cut this bull crap I have absolute no idea what am talking about but am just fresh out of watching The Amazon Original series Invisible and don't give me shit about why me just watching it now I've already given myself enough chastising to remind me not to miss something this awesome ever again,so this is me about to provide a sick ass review of this 8part thrilling series ('Floreis....... mind your language!") For those of you who haven't watched it don't worry this is a spoiler free review,I think,maybe...

Okayy I might have as well just pursued potential readers,just stick around please 🥺?

So Mark Grayson's life changes when he finally gets the powers he's always been waiting for, dreaming for,things suddenly starts moving quickly his dad Nolan Grayson (Omni man)the absolutely strongest hero on earth! Begins training him immediately on the ways to use his newly found powers,he starts dating this really hot girl at school everything seemed to be looking up for him but he soon realises the hero life isn't as romantic as it seems (like he literally gets beaten to resemble pulp and nearly died a few times so he learnt pretty quickly plus then he was given some extra beaten to remind him never to forget it 🤕🥴) ,balancing his personal life with his heroic life soon began to get really impossible-his mom feeling left out and seperated from her son because "she's become the only one between the two who can't fly"(that is Mark and Nolan) with all this happening around the same time a very shocking event occurs which threatens to reshape the meaning of everything he's ever known and belief.

Needless to say am proud how am able to suger coat this series and make it look like a normal hero and his everyday problems sort of story but this series is very traumatic and heart breaking and it does have some scenes that'd leave you depressed and speechless that would have yah mind going "what that fuck" I absolutely do not recommend if you are already going through issues in yah life or having negative thoughts...pfft don't listen to me what do I know,am sure you'd be fine..over all it's a really great show and it does get fucking funny sometimes especially with those two clone brothers lol they are my favorite.

Lol anyways see I did make a clean review no spoilers or anything although I would have had more fun if i was crazily revealing all the fucking ("Floreis watCH YOUR F***'in language!")Ali you really spoil the fun in everything! Oh well it was a pretty awesome 😎 series to follow so go give it a watch quickly and tell me what yah think cause I just might do a spoiler post soon and I would start it so innocently like "these are some of the unseen effects of climate changes and what we can do to stop it.." .then bam! I would throw the spoiler right at your face and you would be like "oh Noooo!" And I would be like "Oh yeaaah I told you so" . Who am I fucking talking to Anyways? See yah soon X ❤️

[salted-caramel-tea]

alright my long awaited (nobody asked) thoughts on the new maneskin album as a bitch that had way too much maneskin on her Spotify wrapped.

OWN MY MIND - 7/10

I rlly fuckin vibe w this song . the instrumentals in my opinion are some of the best in the album . ive been walking about going do u wanna do u wanna own my mind to the point where its annoying ppl.

GOSSIP- 9/10

don't ask me why this song just has a little bit of girlypop to it. anyway I dance in my bedroom to this this is what this song was made for. drunk women to dance around in their bedrooms in a tshirt and underwear. do your sexy little drunk jumping dance throwing ur hair around u will have such a good time. tom morello FUCKS btw.

TIMEZONE - 8/10

made my cry what the fck . my u key is sticky btw I might jst be missing the u from words sometimes . anyway im a sucker for a rock ballad . the Spotify notes saying it was the least thought out song by dam as an anxious love letter,,,, my heart. the raw emotion in his voice. its gonna send me over the edge

`BLA BLA BLA - 6/10

this was probably my lest favourite from the album it just didn't make me feel any kind of way. is it a bad song by any means ? no I think its fun and the storyline of the song is rlly interesting in the whole depicting the perspective of the most toxic boyfriend and playing it in a way that ridicules him but musically it just wasn't my style as much as the other tracks were

BABY SAID - 8/10

BASS LINE !!!!!!!!!!!! SLAY !!!!!! its got a good build to it and i rlly like the overall song it reminds me of something but I cant place what . this is gonna be another one I end up dancing to . it feels like an updated version of a song that would be on il ballo della vita . u know . it has il bella della vita vibes. I fuck w it

GASOLINE- 8.5/10

IVE BEEN WAITIN FOR THIS ONE !!!!!! genuinely I wanted it on the album since we got the teaser last year its such a good song with a powerful message the only thing is I wish it had a bit More going on like the heaviness of the song builds with every 'were gonna dance on gasoline' (and it did a little) so its just musical rock madness by the end if u catch my drift. its still a fucking banger tho and im so happy its on the album

FEEL - 7/10

this song reminds me of something and I DONT KNOW WHAT IT ISSSSSSSS. maybe its something 90s early 2000s but I cant figure it out. parts of the album have very britpop or like 90s rock vibes anyway the lil 'im about to make u feel' then straight into the guitars gets me pumped and I love it

DONT WANNA SLEEP - 7/10

big fan of the instrmentals and when dam shouts when he sings bt its just nit my fave from the album. I do love the dichotomy of the music and the lyrics and Thomas played w that guitar solo

KOOL KIDS- 100000/10

obsessed. very 90s britpop. the rawness the emotion behind it the fact that he was drnk when they recorded it the frustration with the sneering and snobbery of people post Eurovision the references to everything that happened over those weeks the 'eat my shit' at the end. its powerful what does it mean to be cool why is there so much pressure on people to look and act a certain way why do we have all these preconceived notions on people based on everything down to the music they listen to . I love it .

IF NOT FOR YOU - 10/10

im a scier for a rock ballad. the fact this was done in a one-take. the vocals the strings the instrumentals in general its just so gorgeous . im sobbing listening to it rn . I want this as my first dance as my wedding I really do I need to get my boyfriends approval tho. and he actually needs to propose first which won't be soon. I have time to convince him

READ YOUR DIARY - 7/10

I know that this is kinda a dark song about obsession but,, what is that melody . the chorus just goes so hard . its so good. AGAIN THOMAS BRINGING IT ALL TOGETHER WITTH THE GUITAR SOLO !!!!!!!!!

MARK CHAPMAN- 9/10

Im still learning Italian. but this song fucks so hard. genuinely all of their Italian songs are amazing I don't thinks there's one bad one. but the pace the guitars the bass the drums (all of them basically) I love some fast paced rock I love his voice I love this fucking song . Thomas u fucking genius the guitar solo SLAYED !!!!!!!!!!1

LA FINE - 10/10

im quitte literally obsessed w this song. ive made my mm listen to it. I power walk to class listening to it. it has that Teatro d'ira vibes to it very much zitti e buoni in nome del padre moments kind of lividi Sui gomiti vibes as well and girl. thats my fave album. it fucks. this song . and I love how they use their music to discuss important issues and serious topics

IL DONO DELLA VITA- 7/10

the storyline of this song is so interesting in its awareness of appreciating the things you have and what's around you and appreciating the little things and I can see this being phenomenal on stage and being recognised worldwide . I like faster paced songs but I love this song and I think the way it all builds and comes to a climax at the end is gorgeous before it slows down again for damiano and vic to all it all together. brilliant

MAMMAMIA- 10/10

girl it was number 2 in my wrapped second to zitti e buoni. makes me feel like a whore makes me want kill someone in a sexy way its fantastic. sexy ass bass line too. bass player is ALSO sexy.

SUPERMODEL

I was torn on this song when it first released bt the more one been listening to it the more I like it . love the nirvana reference. low waisted pants on onlyfans I pay for that <- best part of the song .

THE LONELIEST- 9/10

this is my mums favourites of the ones ive made her listen to . she likes the music video as well. again I cannot stress enough that domino is such a talented writer his lyrics are genuinely so poetic so beautiful and the band are so talented at building around the lyrics to portray the same form of real emotion with their instruments as domino does his voice everything just fits together and it creates masterpieces. I love this fucking song

the fact that a 6 was the lowest rating here today. I love maneskin fr I believe what theyre doing is reigniting the poplar interest in rock music and they are going to go so so so far . theyre genuinely some of the most talented people of our generation theyre insane. I really hope they expand their tor dates for future tours bc one uk show in england during my uni exam season is killing my Scottish ass . im obsessed w their music fr.

[nny11writes]

Okay, so about that Super Gal Pal Trio fic.

Best fic name ever

Is this one of the infamous Lost Super Poly Trio/Catrapta Fics we were talking about a couple months ago?

WE DIDNT GET TO SEE THE OTHER TWO FIRST KISSES >:((( we saw them mildly thirsting over scorpia but we were promised two more first kisses and the author left it u_u

i was really surprised by how this was made after season 1 yet the author seemed to be hitting story beats from season 4, in particular Catra's nightmares and guilt, her feelings over Adora, Entrapta, and Shadow Weaver blurring together, much like they did in the show.

rest under a read more. do these work in asks??????

The chapter of Scorpia ripping open the vent to talk to Entrapta, and then trying to carry her to her bed and accidentally ripping apart the bedding, well, I think this fic has one of the best and funniest Scorpia characterisations I've ever seen, especially impressive with how little we knew about her, or her relationship to Catra and Entrapta, after season 1. Definitely one of the more brazenly confident Scorpias. Refreshing.

I am always impressed by when stories write a closer Catra and Entrapta dynamic and, in a way that seems almost more inevitable than Catradora, probably cos these two in particularly are so... troubled????, they ALWAYS get too close and hurt each other. Catra has a tendency to lash out when she feels vulnerable, and Entrapta takes every social fallout as her own failure, because she has always been told as such and doesn't have enough experience to understand when other people are not treating her properly. There's a bit where Catra's inner Shadow Weaver tells her she's "dug her claws deep" in Entrapta and engineered this almost abusive dependency, and Catra feels so shit because this is, well, true to the scenes in that fic. But Catra is also growing attached and really does care about them, and she's fighting her inner battles and getting more nightmares because of all these feelings mashing together

Catra as a result decides if shes going to be a toxic girlfriend she will at least make some effort to make the others happy together and actively starts pairing Scortrapta, which is the most hilarious outcome possible. Catra pointing to her girlfriends happily cuddling: "Look what ive done!!! Those two have an ACTUALLY healthy relationship!!! Youre welcome!!!"

But basically the catrapta dynamic showing how easy it is to simultaneously depend on another person, and be hurt by them, i see that in a lot of stories and I think the learning curve for them is figuring out how to set healthy boundaries and stop that cycle, which is something that the SPT in general struggle with.

Entrapta going full crisis mode because her feelings for Catra have just completely distracted her from her science fixation is so funny, it's almost Hordak levels of overreacting and the way she tries to figure out WHY she feels that way and even sets fire to some things to "purge" the feelings and talks in a recorder for 30 minutes nearly blacking out from lack of oxygen, it is so unhinged. As is the scene afterwards where they. um. break the cafeteria.

10/10 lonnie catra fight scene

YES THIS IS THE MAIN ONE THAT I COULDN’T FIND AND I COULD NOT BE HAPPIER THAT YOU DID!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D

It allows me to re-read it for at least the fourth time :)

I know! Gosh, this is the fic, this is honestly my “if there was one fic you could magically have updates for again, what would it be?” It would be this fantastic one right here. Characterization is so well done in it, and the character beats are good. There’s light hearted moments to balance out darker moments and I just love it to bits and pieces. And you’re totally right, it picked up on a lot of groundwork that was put down in Season 1 alone and that’s a huge part of what makes it a stand out from a lot of other fics that came out around that time too.

I love brazen Scorpia, she makes so much sense for this point in the show. I think she doesn’t get too nervous or second guessing that much until later on. At first she is just a one train running kind of person, if she wants to get to her friend in the vents and can’t fit well the vents will bend under her big meaty claws instead!

And I really like that initial bit of conflict in this fic, where Catra is just in a bad spot already to hear Lonnie being a jerk like that, but then Entrapta just enthusiastically steps into a hidden trip wire for Catra. So the lash out is Big and Bad, and of course Entrapta doesn’t get why. And just one chapter later we see Scorpia literally using her positivity as a blunt instrument the way Entrapta did the previous one, but just with much different results because of who, how, and why. And that damn nightmare sequence with all the mixed up emotions followed by Catra kinda faking her own version of comfort 100% based on Adora and AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

I had totally forgotten about the Lonnie and Catra fight, agree 10 outta 10. :p

It’s just a smart fic, and a fun fic with a lot of hurt/comfort and I think it was one of the first I read where Catra started to realize some emotional touchy feely shit in a way that felt realistic. I don’t know how to end this except saying that everyone who likes super poly trio and especially catrapta since that’s the only one of the pairings that actually had screen time, should go read Super Gal Pal Trio on Ao3!

[moongoddessmox]

ok, Man Candy M update for yall. long long long

last Wednesday I was sitting in my car on break, he came out and was screaming and yelling to his mom (who also works there) about some $400+ charge that came out of his account and he doesn't know what it is, ( I think his wife did it or something idk for sure)

like hes literally about to break down crying yall, I mean, it was fucking gut-wrenching hearing him lose control and be so fucking broken over it. he was so frustrated and upset and hopeless, and he then started to let everything flow and was talking about how he can never do anything for himself, that he cant even get a haircut because his wife wanted to get one, or that he cant even buy himself new clothes. and how his son stole the last of his cigarettes and weed and his wife took the sons side, and he said "no ones on my side" and that his daughter's birthday was the next day and now he cant even get her a present. he was just so fucking broken over it. dude i was about to cry in my car hearing his voice shake like that.

i understand the feeling, i know that frustration, i grew up in it, ive lived it. so. naturally, i wanted to help. because regardless of this little crush, i really do hold him to a high regard, like, hes been nothing but kind to me and i genuinely love working with him and i appreciate what he does because every little thing doesn't go unnoticed.

so i tell Dr. A, who was working the same area as us that night, that i'm going to disappear for a few minutes as soon as my paycheck clears and i need him to cover for me. i don't tell him what im doing, because i want to remain as anonymous as i can so no one is mad or embarrassed by what im gonna do.

paycheck hits, i rush off and get supplies, and take out some money and leave it on his windshield, its only 20 minutes before lunch so im praying that it stays there.

lunch time, we go outside, i wait to see his reaction and HOMIE DOESNT FUCKING SEE THE WHITE ASS ENVELOPE ON HIS CAR.......YALL HE FUCKING DROVE OFF...........im about to shit myself, im on the brink of a fucking heart attack thinking this shit really about to fly off and be GONE

so i have to break anonymity and tell his mother that i put something on his car and he NEEDS to check before its gone.

30 minutes later, he comes back, hes not acting like he just received a large sum of money. im freaking out even more. he doesnt say anything to me. i tell Dr. A, he says something to MCM and he says "no i didnt see anything, my mom told me but i didnt notice anything" but he didnt check so im like "oh my god, brb" and run to check his car. ITS NOT THERE. i come back inside, my heart has a few beats left before its gonna give the fuck out.

Dr. A tells me he told MCM that he NEEDS to find it otherwise he will be extremely upset. so MCM walks the path he took to leave, comes back it and IS HOLDING UP THE ENVELOPE THANK THE FUCKING LORD. it was still in the parking lot praise jesus.

yall, i made this man cry. he couldn't fucking believe it, he was like "you put this on my car? are you serious?" and he started to tear up, he told me he doesn't know ANYONE friends or family that would ever do anything like that at all. and he was crying, his face was all red, and he went on and on ALL NIGHT about how shocking it was and how grateful he is, and how he "didn't know people like that existed"

and im telling him all the reasons why i did it, how great hes been and how kind and how much i appreciate him and what he does (super platonically guys, i s2g i really dont give any reason for them to think i have a crush on him, im not actually a homewrecker) and its like the first time hes ever heard this kind of thing

and Dr. A was telling me he's proud of me and that its good that i told him WHY i did it so he can hear that. and im so glad he had that reaction because i was scared of overstepping but his voice yall, it was heartbreaking hearing him out there, i only wish i could've done double the amount but not on short notice like that.

so now we're all like best friends lmao and Dr. A told me that MCM's mom and wife both cried too, and MCM showed up with a haircut on Sunday as well so im glad he got to use some on himself!

and now we're planning to have a BBQ and get to actually hang out outside of work, and i exchanged numbers with Dr. A and tonight i'm gonna get MCM's number too because we want to have a group chat with the three of us lmao (to talk but also for emergencies because my battery has died twice and MCM jumped it for me and said he'll do it any time so)

so

today, we weren't in the same area but we took our breaks at the same time and talked outside and shit, and hes so awkward lmao hes like, ya know when youre on the phone and walk around aimlessly, thats how he acts when we talk, its like bashful but hes intently listening.

and when we walked back in together, no one was talking but he turned around and smiled at me, like for whAT HOMIE YOU CANT LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT I'LL PASS OUT.

oh and the other day i saw his bicep, his sleeve was rolled up a little and i saw his full arm and it was flexed bc he was carrying shit and yall, fuck me uppppppppppp, arms, hands, bellies, im gonna fucking scream

oh also he was helping me with cardboard and our arms touched, ughhhhhhh sdhfslkjfhsldhl

so yeah, im like, best friends with him now basically lmfao

[cemetery-slvt]

i think i would like a hug actually... it was a stressful morning, after last night not being very nice either. im just glad i got to talk to you, and still get to

umm i dont know, i just think that while artemis is kind of the closest that greek mythology comes to feminism, shes too angry at women. like yes, she doesn't want to be married, she wants to be free, but she doesn't have to be angry at love in its entirety, y'know? im not sure if it makes sense. im for some of what she does, though

i see myself as a doll because, in specific, porcelain dolls are very fragile and whatnot. which is very me! plus they're pretty and soft and pliant, also very me. if it were up to me, i think id be a life sized doll, or even a regular actual doll perhaps - i break under pressure a lot, so i like the idea of not having to do much but sit there and have my hair brushed gently. im not sure if it comes across as odd, though

cello is so beautiful! one of my neighbors owns one and has offered to let me borrow it if i replace the strings. also i adore classical music (i have a very wide range of music taste) and my favorite is the swan by camille saint-saens!! i have a whole playlist on spotify of classical music i like though

i can show you some art in my next ask!! i am a bit shy so you not posting it would be nice... but i really would love to show you some things, though im far from a professional

fanfiction!! i write that too eheheh so no judgement here !! i have a 50k+ word long fanfic that isnt even halfway done! im so very proud of it. in general ive written over 200k words, though it isn't exactly thaaat much. ive always adored writing. acoustic guitar sounds amazing!!!! i adore all types of guitar so much, and i bet you're a lot more talented than i could be. im not very good at string instruments (says the one who wants to be a cello artist)

-🎭

giving you a biiiiig hug, my dear. i’m sorry you’ve had such a a stressful morning. sending you so much comfort right now. i’d always be more than happy to have you in my inbox, so feel free to chat me up as much as you’d like!

also!!! i totally get that! i’m not very familiar with artemis except for a few things — like a few of her associations, so i totally get why you think about her that way!!

as for your relation to porcelain dolls, i don’t think that’s odd at all!! i completely understand it! there’s something so enticing about being treated gently and with tender care. since you draw, do you have an oc in relation to this perhaps?

yes yes yes!!! classical music is so &;8($494 !!! if you ever pick up the cello, would you mind telling me how it goes? cello is so hauntingly beautiful. string instruments are hard, yes, but i know you’d be able to do it!! it just takes practice!!

as for guitar, i’m not very good at it 💀💀 i think i learned like. one song? it was my heart i surrender by i prevail. the solo was super hard since you have to do several hammer-ons and slide all the way up the neck and then halfway down. i also had to substitute barred chords for chords that sound the same — except the fingering is different. it was a hard first song to learn 💀💀 the second i learned it, i forgor though.

i would love to see your art!! i’ll keep it in my inbox for you, my dear. also, i’m sure it’s beautiful. i understand feeling shy, but im not going to shit on your art, i promise. all art is beautiful.

it’s super cool that you write fanfiction too!! that’s awesome!! a 50k word fic is super long, oh my gosh. and 200k words?!?? oh my god, that’s dedication if i’ve ever seen it!! that’s amazing, sweetheart.