truly continually obsessed by the dynamic of dream "who could stand an eternity of this" of the endless and hob "i'll fight death behind the denny's for one more day of life" gadling, never fails to make me go AHHHHHHHHH
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When I say bones has ocd I think of him as like a very high functioning dissociative who can do all his surgical procedures with a calm that cannot be taught and the steadiest hand uve ever seen and then 15-20 mins after clocking out completely falls apart at the seams because this job is in competition with the wiring of his brain but he does it anyway because he can't bear to see people suffer when he has the ability to help I see him as someone who could barely look at a diagram of the human body in school without passing out because every time he did he'd remember that's what his insides look like and those pictures would grow and mutate in his head until he could feel them, he's someone who can do his job well because he's spent his entire life managing those visions and mental distancing is an art he's mastered entirely and he can open people up because he sees opened up people all the time anyway. He sees them everywhere. It's just life
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yk i genuinely don't think ive ever been able to actually express my gender dysphoria out loud to another person cos with my family they'll get uncomfortable or think im somehow bragging bc i have the misfortune of a hyperfeminine body, with therapists im always trying not to say smth that makes me sound too self hating to get letters written, and with other trans people i don't want to upset them. idk writing it down just feels like im cataloguing everything that's wrong with me but I don't think ill ever have anyone i can talk to about it either
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