#i cant be a doctor tho lmao
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When I say bones has ocd I think of him as like a very high functioning dissociative who can do all his surgical procedures with a calm that cannot be taught and the steadiest hand uve ever seen and then 15-20 mins after clocking out completely falls apart at the seams because this job is in competition with the wiring of his brain but he does it anyway because he can't bear to see people suffer when he has the ability to help I see him as someone who could barely look at a diagram of the human body in school without passing out because every time he did he'd remember that's what his insides look like and those pictures would grow and mutate in his head until he could feel them, he's someone who can do his job well because he's spent his entire life managing those visions and mental distancing is an art he's mastered entirely and he can open people up because he sees opened up people all the time anyway. He sees them everywhere. It's just life
#ocd bones#leonard bones mccoy#this is how i wish i could be#i wish seeing insides everywhere all the time would be enough to numb u to them but nah u really gotta work at it#and i have! i used to not be able to look at my own skin without seeing things#but i tattoed myself last year!!!#so things do get better#i cant be a doctor tho lmao#idk just a nice thought that someone could#like hes just so good at living with himself that hes thrown himself into the same environment that his brain was killing him with#ultimate form of exposure therapy just become a surgeon fhskdhfj
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My english lyrics for Triage woo! (They're written out under the cut, I just wanted to share my lil chart lol)
Though I'm too indecisive to officially label this as my favorite song, it's had the strongest emotional impact on me by far. It holds a special place in my heart, I definitely wanted to write lyrics for it first! I'll leave all my rambling process commentary in the tags, but I was so happy with how it came out!!
All of those cards of promise thrown down carelessly,
This must be retribution for all I've taken endlessly.
If that were the case, it should have been fate for me to die.
That's the truth, given my crime, so why--?
No, I can't take it, to this cruel joke I'll submit. You
don't know, you can't know, but I'm ready to admit:
Killing for them, extracting for them, won't change the fact they're dead.
I need someone to tag me as RED.
It makes me sick (sick), it's too unpleasant. Sick (sick)
Is this punishment? What do you mean I'm INNOCENT?
I see, the world is cruel and leaves you on your own.
(I can't die) to atone. (I can't love) alone.
I can't be saved (saved), you've nothing to give. Saved (saved)
But what if I lived? Why else would you choose to forgive?
I see, there's lives to save so let's be sensible.
Right now, you need me, (I can be) indispensable.
Tilt to and fro, I know the scales should land on GUILTY for me.
Tilt fro and to, it's INNOCENT that they choose.
They cry (x4) out in pain, I can hear them. There's no one else, to guard their health,
My mission is offering help.
All of those cards of promise thrown down carelessly,
This must be retribution for all I've taken endlessly.
So if that's the case, then it must be fate to make amends,
Extract that fang before we meet the end.
It makes me sick (sick), it's too unpleasant. Sick (sick)
Is this punishment? What do you mean I'm INNOCENT?
I see, the world is cruel, but what I've realized is
(Now I want) to be INNOCENT. (Now I want) to live.
It makes me sick (sick), This wasn't my plan, hostages at my command.
Their future resting in my hands
I see, there's lives to save so let's be sensible.
Right now, please save me, (I will be) indispensable.
Maybe this was meant to be -- oh -- or maybe neither of us can know
There's lives to save so let's be sensible.
Right now, please save me, (I will be) indispensable.
---
I mentioned earlier that I always get annoyed with myself when people post translyrics and I can't figure out the rhythm they were going for, so here's a recording of me singing, but I'm bad at it! It's just for fun! Like a rough draft for music! Because the only thing worse than people hearing my voice is people thinking I can't count syllables!
#milgram#shidou kirisaki#lyrics#im real happy with how they came out :))#when i first got into milgram i started writing tear drop lyrics but got discouraged#(ill be revisiting them next but) it was so fun to work with this song!#i love the sound of it and had a great time creating my version#i wanted his repeated lines in the refrain to have a punch to them#and was SO satisfied giving the doctor 'sick' and 'saved' as his focus words#the mention of 'throw down' wasnt originally intended but it fit so well i just had to keep it asdfsd#i looked up an internet translation for 'Shinenai sentaku o ikenai ai o' because the official english line confused me#and it gave me 'i cant die. i cant go. i cant love.' and i loved that more than the official translation actually#really the only word that doesnt flow quite like id want is 'punishment' but the meaning/rhyme made me happy so i kept it haha#nothing can replace the sound satisfaction 'Yurayura tenbin yurusa naide hoshii noni/Yureteru yurushite hoshii to' gives me tho -_-#and i wanted a more open-mouth sound when he sings 'dattaka' the second time -- i absolutely love how he draws it out#but had to settle for what i could make work 🤷♀️#we are spitting in the face of cringe culture and posting my voice!!#some writers are okay if their complete vision doesnt make it across to the audience but Not Me#i gotta show my whole vision and draft 😂#oh and excuse his voicemail message LMAO#i love shidou with all my heart but i have to tease him about shoving his profession in our face every chance he gets#(did we ever get a translation for that btw?)#but yeah im always preaching to do arts and things youre bad at just because theyre fun so i figured id take my own advice#because it was a lot of fun to sing :3#and i dont know how to word this in the fans-having-collaborative-fun way and not a pretentious way#but if any of the milgram pals who like singing want to cover it hmu :D
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be strong everyone, keep living your best you
(combination with recent national events and a coworker calling T “steroids” just makes me nervous and scared for everyone’s safety and well being)
#trans day of visibility#sona#beeble#okay but fr tho i had to explain to this man that T doesnt cause fucking roid rage#like bro?#you can't OD on T because it TURNS INTO ESTROGEN#i had to tell him my medical doctor and not my therapist told me that before he believed me#the lack of understanding and misconceptions is what scares me the most with people#im just furious#trying to tie it to gun laws and the recent tragedy in tennesee#trans people shouldn't own guns until they're stable bro that's horrible wtf#anyways 2 years on t and my gender is great#ill stop rambling now#done diddly doodle#lmao i cant spell anyways
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then they Morbed all over each other. the end.
#ah yes the Morbius phase#i watched morbius like 5 times in a week cuz i got a copy of the whole movie that could be sent on discord#it was so crunchy lmao#unfortunately lost that when the computer died by virus#and i cant find it where i thought i passed it around so#rip pirated morbius copy that could be sent through discord#maybe we'll meet again someday#i cant believe morbius exists like fr#i love it so much ironically like dude he morbed and punched his best friend with the force of bats#like fuck jared leto tho he like actually runs a cult and i feel like no one talks about it?#no seriously look it up its so super sketchy and preys on younger female fans its crazy this guy can still get roles#also hes just not a very good person#hes stepped on a good amount of people's boundaries while on set and it was just really weird and bleggh#every scene with that guy was like 10x better#crowmancerx#digital drawing#doodles out of context#morbius#its morbin time#fuck! it was Matt Smith sorry!!!#names are hard!#i knew it was one of the guys who played The Doctor but aaggsvd i was wrong#sorry Matt Smith your scenes were the best
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having a flare up So Bad that one of the lymph nodes on the back of my skull is swollen it feels like theres a Marble on my Skull
#frank.txt#got it checked its Just lymph node bc of my Many chronic issues trying to Defeat my Body#it hurts SO BAD THO i genuinely thought it was a cyst or smthn bc it Hurts So Bad. feels like theres just a massive pimple on my skull#adn i want to Pop It. but i Can't. bc it is unpoppable........#i mean im sure u can pop it but u probably shouldnt. u need lymph nodes theyr a little bit important oh jsut a little#lmao#n e way i cant do anything abt it the doctor just told me to lower stress in my life and wait like thanks tips
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god that "morning people are an oppressive class" post annoys me in some way i cant. quite. ugh
#toy txt post#it doesnt feel quite right to me...........#maybe im just a Morning Person. lol. lmao even#idk how much that is true vs in high school i felt very much like a morning person bc#i was taking my adderall with coffee and then it would all wear off right at the end of the day and id crash soooo hard and have like.#anxiety attacks every night and just be generally overstimulated and irritable as hell#which is mostly managed now by me trying to be smarter about caffeine consumption (amount + when) and on a lower dose of adderall#but it does feel like a lot of that shit mentioned would be adequately covered by like. being able to take time off work to go to the#doctor etc. idk#im half joking these days when i ID as a morning person but legally none of you are allowed to get up my ass about it🔪#bc of the nocturnal bullshit i pulled on second shift for like 3yrs after everything around me decided to start closing early after the#pandemic hit even tho theyve re lifted every other miniscule precaution they ever enforced#probably bc no one wants to work night shift at the grocery store for like 12$ an hour. fucking offer better pay idiots#god even when i was a package handler working the super inconvenient hours of 3am-like. 9. 10am(inconvenient my ass that was ideal hours.)#the main reasons ppl left for other jobs: hours suck and they got offered better pay. they cant adjust the hours. so they shouldve#increased the pay to retain. and maybe have more structured start and end times that were less up in the air#like all the drivers leave at 9am so if theres anything left on the truck thatll be for tomorrow. since that fuckin happened anyway. idk.#honestly wouldve been more important to me to have consistent start times cos thats one of the things that pissed me off about that job was#like youd go in and before you left youd have to ask what the start time would be tomorrow cos they kept jumping all over the place by like#15min increments and like its once thing to do it on occasion to try to deal with like Bad Weather but it was like fucking Daily#and sometimes theyd write it on the little whiteboard. but sometimes they wouldnt. and sometimes theyd write it on the little whiteboard#and leave it up there forget to erase it and it would still be there but they told you as you walked out actually its not 4:30 tmrrw its 3#idk. i know the main real reason i miss it is cause it was part time and the day ended at like 9am usually
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i got t (androgel) 🥳🥳🥳
now i just need to grow enough balls and try to find an endocrinologist who would work with a guy who does hrt without prescription
#i know several of my friends do that so i just need a Good Day to be able to ask them about their endocrinologist#currently im freaking ouy tho lmao#okay so the thing about 'without prescription'#im oretty sure i complained in some previous posts but you cant transition legally now. like you cant change gender marker#and doctors would Not prescribe you hrt if they want to follow the law#sooooo . yeah.#ough i just reread the law and its so much worse than i remembered. head in hands i am in hell#☆.txt#✨
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*bonks you like a cat*
theo i looked at this and went “i should respond *bursts out crying*” BUT THEN MY HORMONAL ASS ALMOST DID so suffice it to say this was appreciated
#i spent too long looking at cat gifs and am once again convinced I should adopt a cat to fix me#as if I have any clue how to take care of a cat (spoiler alert: i don’t. i cant even take care of myself)#Theo tag#ask a boomerang#good news tho my doctor is changing the med that’s making me depressed!#(or at least we think it’s that one lmao)#I’m also supposed to be upping my antidepressant I just haven’t gone to pick it up#so between those two things#i should feel better soon I hope
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#i genuinely do think he's naturally one of the cutest dudes on earth he just has a face like that yk#was very funny watching kinpika and seeing him play this serious character and He Did An EPIC Job Dont Get It Twisted but still...#what are you doing here... you should be off somewhere being silly...
FUNNIEST POSSIBLE TAGS BECAUSE AT THE TIME I WAS STARTING THE FIRST EPISODE OF THE TRAVEL NURSE. AND. PLEASE WITNESS MY JOURNEY
I've redacted things so as to not spoil ENTIRELY just in case but. Literally Arakawa Nurse AU TO ME I'm SORRY it's how you start off thinking he's just gonna be this cute silly old man but As It Turns Out he's kind of a sicko [affectionate] with an incredibly strong morals... not TOO much of a sicko just enough to be chilling... and no one gets what the fuck he's trying to do up until he explains it and then it's like Oh Okay You're Insane... But It Worked Out So I Guess It's All Good... And also tell me this is not an Arakawa And Ichiban Type Interaction...
Perfect role for Nakai I sweaaar 'cause he gets to be cute And serious And a weirdo And--
Also just fun because I've mentioned how Tsutsumi would want to be a lumberjack if he could switch jobs on a whim like in Y:LAD, but Nakai said he'd want to be a doctor so he could help people more tangibly than he can as an actor... it's like that bit in The Deer King when Van chops wood yk it just makes me smile...
So anyway... first show I'll be subbing myself since I'm very much hooked and the only option right now is to machine-translate subs to English...
ALL OF THAT ASIIIIIDE very very very excited for the Ikumi fic :]]]]]] WHICHEVER COMES FIRST, THAT OR MY NEXT ASK... SEE YOU THEN...
CRYINNGGGG HES PERFECT..... ALSO WEEPING AT THE DR KANZAKI BIT WHY IS HE LITERALLY JUST
ABSOLUTELY EXCITED to see this if you share the subs..... im making grabby hands........
#snap chats#THE TIMING OF /THIS/ ASK IS SO FUNNY TO ME TOO THO BECAUSE THIS MORNING#I WAS LITERALLLLY THINKING OF ARAKAWA TAKIN CARE OF A SICK JO....#not the EXACT same tune here today but we are in the same ballpark..... lmao.. lol even..#my god i was also gon make a post about arakawa and him being silly hold on. nakai being too silly in these roles <- this is a perfect thin#ALSO TRUUEE arakawa would have to help ichi get used to bowing to people 😭😭 punkass kid 😭😭#Doctor With Morals had me thinking of ttm's role in Lone Scalpel but then Added Evil.. woAgh.. i wanna see... 👁️👁️#he's SOOOOOOOO cute tho... i love him... why is he so cute it just aint fair !!#'because nurses have strong feminity'my god yore right hes SO girl#mr nakai thinks hed help people more as a doc and MAYBE TRUE however his roles give me reasons to not jump off a bridge#so ME THINKS he helps weirdos like me at least.... thats something... kinda#giggling and kicking my feet i cant even watch this show but one day ....#and like Fair Nuff queen shit its just funny... lol..#i love how every doctor in japanese media is obsessed with nightingale like deadass this the third time i heard someone ref her#OH BUT SPEAKING OF FICS I SHOULD GO FINISH THAT LMAO im just brushing it up and making 90 amendments as per usu#ngl im not too big of a fan of it.. i mean some bits i like but it overall just feels very corny..#OH WELL. it'd work better as a comic as i keep rereading it but OUGH thatd be a long comic#anyway.. bye LMAO
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#i was talking to the doctor today just to kill the time#he asked me if I was looking for a new apartment and i said yes but with no rush#because Im not sure i want to live all by myself#and he was like ‘you need a boyfriend’#and i was like ‘I don’t want a boyfriend thank you very much’#because yall know i want a girlfriend lmao I didn’t say it to him tho#he said ‘so what? you going to be single all your life?’#and i was like what if i do? why do you care anyway#he’s like very kind but my god sometimes i wonder the sexism inside his brain is unmatched#he is always like ‘oh well… it’s women’ or ‘well we’re men’ comments#and i cant not roll my eyes to the back of my head lol
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:^]
#sometimes im like hmm why do i so violently want to die rn and cant imagine any sort of world where im happy and loved and wanted#and then i check my period tracker app and im like ahhh u got me again !!!!#nothing quite like my period coming to make me just think about how to kill myself all day#i shouod prolly go to a doctor about this tho lol its been getting a lot worse#but my doctors an old man and hes already complained to me about my moms hypochondria so im not sure if that would work out lol#want to kill myself slightly less now bc i know its my stupid ovaries fault bt knowing its my period doesnt make me hate my life any less +#!*#havent cried this hard in a while tho so hopefully i experience some sort of catharsis ? even tho that never happens#just left with my huge ass headache and my boss being slightly concerned about my wellbeing#doesnt help tbat we just took mental health first aid training#i feel like hes gonna try to have an intervention w me and i dont think ic an handle that lmao#i will have to quit if so#nobodys allowed to know about my suffering !!!!#gommywords
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🦀
#guess who has two thumbs n is having medical anxiety after like 3 years of having it kinda under controlllllll 👍😎👍 this idiot#ive had headaches for the past 4 days n theyve been off n onn i think i cant remember#n i put on my headset today thinking my headaches were gunna go away n i think that made it worse#n ive felt pukey all night tonight n its like dont do this to me lmao#im a good person i try to be super nice why do i have painnnnn#n im anxious to schedule a doctors appointment bc every fucking time i have a problem n i go in it becomes#well ur blood tests were negative and idk what could be wrong with u 30 dollars please#AND im losing medical insurance this year cuz im 26 in may n its like worst year if it is something#n its aaaaaaaaaaaaa its probably nothing its usually nothing#i cant think of what id do thatd be causing the pain tho like if its bl**d cl*ts or a tumor ill just die from fear in the first place lmao#i hope its nothing#blllleehhhh#my years of being a teenager thinking id die before 30 could happen lmfao i needa start taking care of myself maybe im low on sun juice#txt#bbbb bbllleehhhhhh#oh yall should play rhythm doctor that games fun n cute#its 2 am none of all should be reading this actually#go to bed
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i think one of the best things i did for my health is that i drink at least three sips of water every time i open tumblr again
#a biscuit's rambles#me: *holding a hand out at this * is this self care#it IS working tho#which is good bc i caught covid. well i got all three shots and the worst is over so now i can just write all day!#or technically i could write all the time bc i finished my last story while i was feeling the worst of it actually lmao#it sucks tho bc the pride parade is on friday. there IS a chance i might be negative til then tho and the three days even our overcareful#doctor is good with are def over by then so uh. wish me luck#my friend who invited me cant go tho bc theyre sick too :(( which is worse bc theyre not vaccinated and im. worried for them#plus they cant go either which sucks bc they actually made me aware of it#wish both of us luck i guess
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.
#diary#personal#...i think i sorta kinda burnt out again....#haahhh. i hope ill be able to recover in couple days. i have things to do.#god idk what to do when i could just sleep for a year. im so fucking tired.#i cant even talk well. i hope i can after i sleep bc i couldnt bring myself to text ppl earlier.#...i hope i remember tho lmao.#ugh i hope that i can stay in bed all day tomorrow pretty much. idk if i can handle too much more stress#ugh. i rly should figure out how to deal with this. bc everything is far too much lately and i cant do anything.#drugs tw#like. the only time i feel okay is when im high. and even then im not always.#but i think it does take away some of the problems. it takes things down from like an 8 to a 4 or 5 maybe?#and it obliterates pain which is also nice. and it makes me wanna sleep rather than procrastinate it....#haaaaahhh. im just. so fucking tired. always so fucking tired. theres so much to do. so much im not doing#and theres so many doctors and things to see. ugh. honestly if i lived alone i sometimes think id die.#suicidal ideation#like. i didnt mean suicide or anything. but ive thought about it before that if my parents do then maybe i should.#i cant function. and i dont quite know why. even things i do for fun i cant always do.#so idk. im not sure what to do anymore. i just. feel like sometimes i have months or years where i cant do anything#haah and ive tried working before and ill burn out so quickly and i know that.#....i couldnt handle working so id drink every night....#i know the same thing will happen if i have to work. but. how do i get money for the things i need or want otherwise#...im scared. really scared of working. but theres nothing i can do.#i just have to fake it till i make it. and practically run myself into the ground.#tomorrow will be better. ill be okay tomorrow. i wish someone could tell me with certainty that would be the case...#god i wish i wasnt such a fucking burden all the time. i wish i could handle shit. i wish i hadnt become like her...#fuck man. im so sick and tired of this shit. im just exhausted. hah. hopefully tomorrow will be quiet.#i can tell i wont be able to handle anything more going wrong.... fuck
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new written series ! — by filmofhybe.
IN EVERY MULTIVERSE
in which
> y/n was a young girl who believed in the multiverse. Believed that in each multiverse your in, something special or memorable would happen. What if she figures out a way to travel through each and every multiverse she would be in, and meet seven different boys that captures her eyes. Which she sadly can’t seem to get them off her mind at the end of every Adventure.Will she ever meet them again in her every multiverse?
PAIRING : ot7! x reader
🥥 GENRE : friends to lovers , academic rivals , streamer x streamer , stranger to lover , patient x doctor , singer x dancer , café owner x regular customer , coming of age
WARNINGS : angst , swearing , kissing , romance , kys jokes , dad jokes lmao
🗯️ FEATURING: enhypen obvi , rei - ive , K & Jo - &team , Yunjin - Le Sserafim , Sana - twice , Hanbin - ZB1
TAGLIST : feel free to comment to be added :)
STATUS : every Friday :) (hopefully…)
The perfect blend - YJW
synopsis : can you ever imagine in this multiverse, you having the biggest fattest crush on your best friend - Yang jungwon, however knowing he already has a “girlfriend” hurts more than just a sting from a bee.
warnings : angst (100%) , fluff , crying , kissing
Part 1 Part 2 Part 3
video our love - LHS
synopsis : you were extremely camera shy in the actual world, so what makes you be so confident in front of millions across the world while facing towards the camera with your lover - Lee heeseung.
warnings: kissing , slight angst towards end (not much tho) , tooth rooting fluff
Healing hearts - PJS
synopsis : doctors and patients aren’t suppose to have romantics love towards each other. However, in this multiverse, your very much in love with you hot doctor - Park Jeongseong. Whose secretly trying to heal your broken heart..
warnings : kissing , tooth rotting fluff (cheer cuz there isn’t any angst on this one WOOHOO!!)
Academic Enmity Rivalry - JS
synopsis : all the studying just to make your parents proud until your biggest academic rival - Sim Jaehyun decides to have the biggest academic comeback. And offering you free legit tutoring lessons so you can beat him
Warnings : tooth rotting fluff , kissing , begging
Amidst Crowns - PSH
synopsis : crazy to think about how your a Royal in this multiverse, only for the crazy self-obsessed prince himself - Park Sunghoon to hit on you 24/7. Finding it annoying you decided to throw insults at him, not knowing the consequence.
warning : insult comments , fluff , slight angst , crying
Brewing Love - KSN
synopsis : now your a café owner?? Serving your favorite regular customer- Kim Sunoo everyday was the highlight of your day. Realizing you were falling for him before he starts bringing in girls, crushing your heart as you can’t handle it.
Warning : ANGST (I mean heavy) , kinda fluff , kiss on hand
Melodies of music & love - NR
synopsis : the last and final multiverse , your a singer to your lover dancer - Nishimura Riki. Promised to Perform together until realizing it isn’t your passion anymore. Maybe you want to continue in this universe and never go back… but how when you miss every boy you met in the other 6 multiverse..?
warning : sweet fluff , comfort , angsty (at the end.)
TBA….
SERIES TAGLIST : @enhaz1 @dubuii @in-somnias-world @ultimatestayandminoronce @yenqa @euncsace @hoondiors @yannew @mrchweeee @ariadores @oldjws @frukkoneeeeg @dimplewonie @seobstarr @asteria-wood (white = i cant tag)
; AUTHORS NOTES : since is December 1st on Friday , I would be updating this series every Friday leading up to January-February (or even earlier than that) . I hope you guys enjoy this series as much as I do. Don’t hesitate to ask to be on the taglist by commenting!! I love you all and hope you enjoy this series that’s going to be delivered to you soon :)
© filmofhybe on tumblr — do not copy , translate or share.
#k lables#k neighborhood#kflixnet#k films#🗯️ ! in every multiverse series#🥥 하이브의 영화#enhypen#enhypen imagines#enhypen smau#jungwon imagines#heeseung imagines#jay imagines#jake sim imagines#sunghoon imagines#sunoo imagines#nishimura riki imagines#heeseung x reader#jungwon x reader#jay x reader#sunghoon x reader#jake x reader#kim sunoo x reader#niki x reader
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mori and atsushi being kind of friends is a thought that hit me today and amused me so much it wouldnt leave me
for it to work, tho, atsushi cant know much about mori cuz i dont think he'd vibe with anything about mori lmao
so maybe he just thinks he's an old doctor babysitting his niece all the time and whatever
i dont want a polite friendship tho, i want atsushi to (accidentally) bully him
idk its just funny to me
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