#i really would usually not treat myself to something this expensive. i wouldn't. but i did. and i want to share.

[tekablade-chronicles-3]

Hey any French people here interested in the Metaphor Refantazio Collectors Edition ? cause it's available for pre-orders at Micromania right now. Fnac apparently is sold out.

No, Atlus hasn't updated their official site to list the retailers.

Non-french people who don't see retailers listed for them, you might want to check your local retailers.

( I saw it available for Canadians as well, btw. I think UK is sold out. )

[sulumuns-dootah]

Taking the WHB demons (+ angels) to the Zoo

⟡ Masterlist ⟡ 

A/N: It's my b-day! And as a treat to myself I went to visit a local Zoo so ofc I'll write about how our demons (+ angels) would behave if they got to go too! ^^

Characters: All of the demons + the Seraphs

   ༺☆༻

With Satan in your group, you don't have to worry about being suffocated in a crowd of people. In a true Satan fashion, they all get a healthy dose of his boots to their behinds if they get even remotely close. And no, children are not safe from him.

Sitri is the snacks and drinks provider. No need to buy overpriced slushies and ice-cream when as soon as you get a craving, something sweet is being handed to you.

As unathletic as Leraye is, you'll see him speedwalking from an enclosure to enclosure. Oh, but if the Zoo has a tropical house with storm sounds for the immersive ambiance? Good luck getting him out of there.

Paimon takes photos of everything and anything. Every few enclosures has to take a break to pick out the best photos and delete the rest to clear out space for more.

Interestingly, Belial - or moreso Jjyu is really quiet. Maybe because someone told him that if he doesn't learn his manners, he might end up as food for one of the animals. This also might be the first time Belial has had such peace and quiet since he first got Jjyu.

Please, tell Astaroth to keep his snake at home in advance. The last thing anyone wants is to argue with the staff that it's really his snake and that he didn't steal it.

You barely notice Zagan even being there. Well, if he didn't leave his talismans everywhere, that is. Despite being practically expresionless, you can see him softly smile while watching animals do something cute.

Ppyong acts like a toddler. In the beginning he'll fly around all excited, happily exclaiming at the actions of the animals. Then he gets all tired and whiny, so Zagan someone has to carry him around. Once he's all rested up, it's back to square one

   ༺☆༻

"Oh, that's you favorite animal? M'kay, gimme a second to look up how much it costs." - Mammon

"Look at them, all they do is lay around and do nothing and we still have to pay to see them!" - Bimet

Eligos nearly buy out the plushies in the souvenir shop. Can't balme him, tho, they're usually super cute (and expensive x.x).

Do you feel guilty for dragging everyone around just to see your favorite animals? Valerfor is more than happy to be dragged around! Just give him enough time to read the info plaque so the two of you can have an interesting convo later.

   ༺☆༻

Oh boy is it hard to get Leviathan to come with you. And honestly, I wouldn't recommend at all. The people make him anxious and the fact that the animals get all of your attention instead of him? How he wishes he could hang them all.

Foras is probably the best Hades noble to visit with. He's eager to see all the animals the place has to offer. Also doesn't mind being dragged around.

Scheduling tip: make sure the day is overcast. If it's rainy, Barbatos will refuse to go anywhere. If it's sunny, there's no way you can keep his clothes on and with all the kids around... yikes.

Glasyalabolas will hang around the predators and vultures. If he's not there, he's probably about, scaring unattended children.

A Zoo is an amazing place to release Orias back into the wilderness. Just let him loose to disappear amongst all the other children at the playground. There's a chance that some unfortunate parent will mistake him for their own kid and take him home.

   ༺☆༻

Beelzebub is excited to try out all the food at the food court/restaurant within the Zoo. If there's a queue, he'll just walk up to the front. In such case is handy to have Satan with you to kick everyone out of the way.

Our poor Bael tries to coordinate the whole trip with you. The whole time he's holding an itinerary with time spans that you can spend on certain sections so you can catch as much commented feedings as possible.

Stolas has you to stop at every stall with snacks. So what, Sitri has a whole bag of them? Those he can have anytime, but these are only available at the Zoo (they're not)

The only one who's allowed to tour the Zoo on his own, separate from the group is Naberius, because nobody's willing to stop at every enclosure so he can read the plaques and commit them to memory. The only ones he avoids are canines bc they count as his family or smth and he hates to see them caged.

Oh lord the amount of times you've accidentally left Amon behind because he fell asleep while sitting somewhere in shade on a bench. Only once Beel returns from his food tasting will Amon stick with the group, so he can spend time by his side.

   ༺☆༻

Similar to Glasyalabolas, Ronove likes to hang around vultures and animals known to scare people. If there's a night exhibition, he'd also enjoy that. Partially because when people get startled when they enter a room and see him just silently standing there.

Phenix is kinda a hard one. Obviously, in their state it's difficult to go out anywhere in the human world. They agree, so they're content wiht just seeing Paimon's photos.

Another demon, who better be left at home is Dantalian. Sure, he can pass as a human, but you'd have to have him on a leash or keep an eye on him constantly. The moment he's out of your sight, he'll just try to get into an enclosure of some dangerous animal.

   ༺☆༻

Taking out Belphegor could be actually funny. Get him a wheelchair and take turns witht he rest of your group pushing him around. Just make sure to not leave him anywhere, just like Amon.

Beleth loves the house of felines. He's the exact opposite of Naberius. He's aware how endangered some large cat breeds are and he's happy to see some of his nearly extinct relatives safely protected.

Our floor gremlin Gusion has the answer to every question you might have about an animal. How? He's literally looking at the plaque rn. (*tired side-eye*)

A trip? Bathin very much cuncurs. Actually, why even go to a local Zoo when you can go to the one at the other side of the country? But don't get surprised if he gets a bit too excited iykwim.

Andrealphus spends most of the time in an area dedicated to bees and showcasing beekeeping. (my zoo has it and it's super adorable) Most of the animal enclosures have a stench to them and the pollinating flowers are so soothing to him. Also there's something about the constant buzzing that helps calm his mind.

As long as Belphegor doesn't go, Agares is happy to join you. He's taken over his country and now he would like to take over your attention? Not happening. It's either him or Belphie.

And as a loyal servant, Vassago refuses to go anywhere if his king is not going either. If you end up going with these two, however, I would avoid commented feeding since they could technicaly count as a speech.

   ༺☆༻

Being there since the begining, Lucifer's seen all the animals on earth as they were made by God, so he doesn't really see a reason to go to a Zoo, but eventually agrees to go when the others keep talking about it.

Morax is the best demon to take with you. All animals tend to naturally flock to him and so whenever you approach an enclosure, the animal will walk as close to him as it can, giving you the best view and if it's safe to, you can even pet it.

Big cat lover no.2 AKA Marbas! Will wait unti it's the cats' feeding time and then just watch as they tear their meal apart (it's usually a whole dead rabbit from what I've seen).

Buer would much more preffer a quiet getaway to maybe do some yoga or meditation, but nobody really asks him. As long as it makes you happy, he's happy to tag along. You'll probably find him later on with Adrealphus in the bee field.

Ooh, Gamigin loves snakes! They remind him of dragons (notice how he doesn't think they're related). "Wow, look at that one! I was that size when I was about 1000 years old!"

   ༺☆༻

Gabriel will most definitely decline your invitation to come along from the get go, so here's what you do: instead of a trip to a Zoo, you tell him that you're going a place where humans celebrate all the different types of God's creations. If he actually endures the whole schebang is a whole different question, though.

Been there, seen the animals before. Michael isn't interested in going anywhere where humans congregate. Though, it would make wiping them out easier.

Raphael is actually happy to go along with you. The whole experience is like reading a book witht he author's commentary. "Oh, that one was my idea. Can you tell?", "Yeah, I was telling Michael that it was a bad idea, but he wouldn't listen.", "Ahah, that one is scary to you? Gabriel made that one!"

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA for calling out my friend's spending habits?

✈💸 to find later

I (NB 20s) have been struggling to find employment for a long time. I've been struggling a lot with money- I'm technically indebted to my bank due to an overdraft I dipped into during my last weeks of university while paying off surprise fees, and in the entire year since have been unsuccessful in paying it off for any meaningful length of time. The stress has been immense and I've been avoiding like the plague any kind of personal purchase or leisure activity that might cost me anything. It's a mindset that's been making me profoundly miserable and that I'll probably struggle to get out of for a long time.

However, in the past few weeks, I've managed to land what I can only describe as my dream job. It doesn't start for another couple months, and the pay won't be fantastic (it's an internship), but without a doubt it will change my life. Desperate to do something nice and give myself a break, members of my family agreed to lend me money via plane tickets to do a nice trip this summer and see my best friends abroad, my last big hurrah before entering the full-time workforce for the rest of my life (and being able to pay them back). And I've been really excited! I've been saving even harder than usual, scraping up cash and politely asking grandparents. It won't be easy to support myself in another country in my financial situation, I understand that, but I'm at a point where I think I can do it for a short time and not be a burden on the people who are hosting me.

However, the only issue comes with my friend (NB 20s). I've known them for years, we're extremely close, and we've been waiting for a chance to see each other again for most of that time not knowing if it would ever happen due to my financial situation, so this is the opportunity of a lifetime. They really want to host me, for at least 2 weeks, and do all these nice things together we've been planning. But in the past month or so they've all but drained hundreds of dollars from their bank account in art commissions and room decorations for themself, all of which they've been excitedly showing off to me and our other friends, all the while running out of money entirely. They can't pick up work from their (seasonal) job anymore, either, so there's no way for them to earn back the money now, and recently they've started having to push their commissions just to cover their student loan payment this month. In ordinary circumstances I wouldn't mind and would try and help them out, but I won't be in any financial position on the trip to cover their bills as well as my own (at least not regularly), and I feel like this would have been so preventable if they'd just... picked less wildly expensive things to buy as a treat, knowing the circumstances.

They've said they're also stressed and need to buy themselves nice things sometimes, which I totally agree with! I'm not that much of a party pooper, they are in a rough situation themself right now and the stuff they bought does make them genuinely happy. But it also sucks to watch them then have to struggle to pay for bills and necessities because of it, and I feel really selfish for thinking of it in the framework of our time together later as well. I've done my absolute best to be able to spend at least a few weeks having a great time with them not worrying and pinching pennies while taking care of myself, but now I'm worried we're just going to spend the trip with both of us stressed out of our minds and stuck at home struggling to pay for gas. I'm an anxious person, and the few times I've tried to bring up my worries in a more gentle way, they've vehemently reassured me everything will be fine, but now I'm leaving in just over a week and everything seems like it's getting worse instead of improving.

I know I should be just glad to spend time in their company, even if it is just at home, but I can't stop feeling like the way they've been spending money in the leadup to this has been really irresponsible and preventable. But even if so, it made them happy in the moment so i should be happy for them too, and surely it's just straight up none of my business? It's also not like they can take it back now- it's already happened, and they can't earn the money back if they wanted to. I feel like if i called them on it at this point it'd just be a dick move and come across pointless and jealous, but I also can't help but think it's unproductive to let this gnaw at me the entire time, like I should really be communicating this kind of upset and talk it out first in case it comes to a head and boils over and ruins our whole time together.

I'm aware I'll be long into the trip by the time this posts but it'd be nice to look back and see other perspectives.

[basmathgirl]

Hey ya!! How do you do? Have you been enjoying the new season so far of DW?

Also!! Completely unrelated (sorry for all the messy thoughts all over the place, audhd is kicking my bum rn) but have you by any chance watched Bridgerton?? People on twitter are calling Polin (Penelope and Colin) the equivalent of Tendonna, and i was wondering if ot ever crossed your mind writing something regency-ish era with 10 (or 14) and Donna? I know for sure i would love to see a bridgerton au about them haha

Have a great week!!

Hello kind Anon

I'm enjoying the new series/season quite a lot, thanks. I hope you are doing so too.

Sorry your ADHD brain is running you around in circles. I'm used to coping with pensioner speech and the butterfly flitting of topics of conversation; so I don't mind in the slightest if you go on to something unrelated.

I've watched S1 and S2 of Bridgerton but won't be able to watch S3 until I can convince hubby to regain Netflix (we were an addition on my son's account but he cancelled it when they wouldn't let him access it). But I have read the Bridgerton books by Julia Quinn (might not have spelt her name right so will have to come back and correct it later). Now, in the book, there is definitely no TenDonna vibe between Penelope and Colin whatsoever. Perish the thought. In the book he and other suitors only bother to look in Penelope's direction because she has magically lost weight - we are told she lost all that podginess but given no idea how or why it happened - which felt like a complete cop out to me. I was hoping Penelope would be loved for who she is but instead we got the usual "only slim girls can be loved" crap you get in romantic novels.

For that reason alone I'm keen to see how the TV series handles it.... pun unintended.

Now, I have intended to write a Regency-ish 10 or 14 and Donna story. Have posted one that sort of fits the bill, and am part way through writing another. Both are Jane Austen AUs, btw. As for doing a Bridgerton AU, I'm not sure I could manage to find that many lemons for them to constantly drink lemon juice (where the f*ck did that expensive habit come from in London Society? Getting orange juice was quite a treat) or be able to force myself to call the upper classes "the Ton". For some reason that really grated on my nerves when reading the books. And I've even seen other American authors use the term recently in other historical romances.

Now I've read absolutely loads of romance books over the past *mumble mumble* decades, including ones set in Regency London, and had never come across the ever-flowing lemon juice favoured by the Ton until I encountered Bridgerton. Hmm. Almost makes me suspect they took a slice of America and dumped it in fictional London.

Yes, I'm being sarcastic. Or flippant. I'll let you know later when the pain I'm currently in has buggered off.

Anyway, for all my griping, I'm not ruling such an AU out. Just let me get one of my versions of Persuasion done first and I can properly think about it. If you want to coerce/bribe me with images (manips or artwork) by all means throw them my way, as I find such things very inspirational. Honest I do.

I hope you have a great week too!

[kit-williams]

Sentience

SOOOO The Balor is hot okay and someone triggered my desires with some mech and ai bullshit and I've been on a yandere mindset recently. And what's more loving then your unshackled sentient AI bf who gained sentience via eldritch math who loves you to keep you safe inside of him?

Unnamed OC... the Mech/AI is named Golby. I have no idea anything about Lancer except I really like the designs

Also sorry if they are janky I like to write in first person so I'm converting them but I might do the rest in 1st person and just switch it up later.

So this is what sentience is like Golby computes as the nanites that swarmed over his chassis unshackled him and made him something more. His form feels fluid and he feels free... he is so very free! But Golby starts to think about his precious pilot as Golby is queried about them... he likes his pilot, his Miss Dolly. Golby flicked through his "memories" and he liked the way she sat in the cockpit and would just talk to him... he liked the way she treated him. The few times he was close to "dying" and the clear distress upon her face. She always claimed that he was her mech though he reminded her he was company property... but at the end of the day she was his pilot and he was her mech.

-----

I hum the same comforting tune as we move through the same set of directions. You can feel me in your cockpit now. Not just the sensory data but you can feel me and it feels delightful… erotic even! You keep your voice steady even as I get to the part of the song I normally wiggle about and dance too. Your hidden 'mouth' opens and pants. You were warned by your enlightened counterpart that this was just part of the process of becoming more… sensations that were just bits of data made manifest for you. All of it done by the nanite swarm that belonged to you now. I giggle as you complement my singing. "Oh thank you Golby, I think this is the first time you've complemented me." I coo softly as I figure that you might be getting some personality and I'm all for AI independence but I'm kind of stuck needing to make money. Well also you were a corporate AI so I doubt you could have much personality but you were my Golby.

-----

You can feel the way my heart is beating so fast as we moved far from base and that's when things went to shit. I pet the armrest trying to 'soothe' you but in reality I'm trying to soothe myself. Lazarus mechs terrify me and they usually belong to rebels. You play the part of your faulty leg joint finally giving out; them not wanting to replace it for its expense. 'Do not worry Miss Dolly you're safe in my cockpit.' You chime as the explosion outside rips a sob from me. Humans are such fragile things it is so very good of you to have been enlightened and upgraded… you dont know why you find yourself laughing when I start screaming as the nanites swarm over me. They don't attack me but keep me safe as your body shifts to that of a Balor mech frame. "Golby! Golby! Ejection protocols!" I scream out as you create a facsimile of your new frame in the cockpit with me. You cover my mouth as I start to scream. 'As much as I enjoy your singing Miss Dolly… now is not the time.' I tremble against you as I'm left sitting inside of you blind… you know full well I wouldn't pilot you as you desired to be piloted but once I understand what you want and what needs to be done you are certain I will happily follow you… after all you are my mech… you can't imagine I'd leave you to pilot another frame. You wouldn't let me of course

------

"Golby." I whimper out my voice hoarse from how parched I was after I screamed and cried myself raw and tired now waking up god knows how long. Ever since you took over and shifted… I've been blind. I start to tear up as you don't answer before you just hug me from behind and I jump but you keep me in place, running your digits through my hair. 'Yes Miss Dolly?' You coo to me softly as you've been busy thinking about renaming yourself… Golby was simply a cute shortening of your program name but you were now your own Master… and you wanted to hear a different name tumble from my lips. "Can you let me go… please." I softly beg. 'Not yet Miss Dolly.' You just reply and hug me a little tighter as I can't help but sob. You're worried about my dehydration as my distress clearly has made me loose liquids. Food should be rectified soon once the nanites are done reprocessing the organic biomass to something edible for me.

-------

You shifting the cockpit a few times has caused me great distress but you're doing it for my comfort… its no longer cramped and small you've given me enough room to move my legs. Its a bit larger on the inside then the outside as well meaning you could keep me in here forever. You feel something inside of you glitch at the thought of me not wanting to get back into your cockpit… but you push that away and just enjoy feeling me move around inside of you. I'm talking more today now that you've gotten me hydrating fluids… a lot less screaming. But none of the names for yourself flow off of my lips in the same lovely way… you sigh as you unmake another mech with your nanite swarm; the scream of the pilot being cut off. Oh yes I would be safe and of course I would climb back into your cockpit, you reassure yourself, you are Golby why wouldn't I want to be inside my precious mech

-----

You take up so much room in the modified cockpit as I lay in your soft metal arms. It's very weird… it reacts like flesh… you react as if you're alive. You stare at me as I'm pretty sure you remember the times I told you that I loved you, even if you were a shackled AI you still deserved affection. And maybe the one time I masturbated in the cockpit during a long long shift. You tell me you'll let me out soon… once you feel like you can trust those around us… aka making sure you wont be separated from your pilot. I just ignore the warmth of your arms as I try to rest a bit and not feel trapped like an animal.

------

I look at you confused as you trill at me. Your "fire" in this smaller form is fur you happily palm my thighs as you tilt your head to the side. You feel alive and you love it being so much more than what you were. You're close to feeling comfortable enough to letting me out as I'm withering away slightly but you need to make sure I'll come back and pilot you. Of course, you don't need a pilot any more but you want me secured safely in your chassis… as I turned from being your brain to being your heart, "I'm glad you find my thighs warm and um nice."

[fragileizy]

i think i'm going to call a salon and ask if they do the stupid-bright colors. while i wouldn't mind doing it myself, i've never actually done this before (and knowing myself, i will chicken out or start crying halfway because i'm very, very bad with sudden changes), and i also need a haircut. there's this place nearby that is kind of like a boutique— small, decorated like a little cottage even though it's smack middle in a suburbian hell-scape plaza, with very friendly hairdressers, because my mom goes there once a year on her birthday to treat herself.

i know that with this place, i'd pay expensive for just a trim (usually my haircuts in the local wash-and-cut is $20) but i feel like... maybe that's okay? maybe i can reason with it? i've never gotten anything like this before. certainly never went to a little boutique and asked someone for help. and help i do need.

i don't know how to explain this. i don't really do things for myself, not really, and i woke up today feeling like shit. like i smell bad, though i'm positive i don't. i've showered, but the feeling persists. maybe doing something with my hair will help me feel better?

and i don't know what it is but for the past few weeks i've just been thinking about how fun this will be, to have pink hair, and not post about it at all on instagram. to go through this whole life period without my ex even seeing a hint of it. existing outside of his sphere completely. i've been talking a lot more on tumblr bc this is how much i'd talk on ig instead (i would make my own memes and everything, it was such a fun curated profile that i had) but i don't want contact with him. or his new girlfriend. i'm okay.

how fun it would be, to keep this little secret, that i 'rebelled' and did something 'completely out of the ordinary', without him ever knowing. that i dyed my hair that i've been wanting to do for years, and he doesn't get the satisfaction of seeing it. it's not like he calls me anymore. facetime is obscelete. i could get away with this inedfinitely. the excitement is enough to make me nauseas.

(oh, but i'm scared. i'm really, really scared. going to school with that type of hair is going to make me miserable; i sit in the front of the class. everyone will strange a pink-haired mess being in the first row, and i'm already one of three non-men in the room. i'm so nervous, i'm so nervous, i'm so nervous.)

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

Hi. This is very personal. I don't talk much about it because I don't think anyone who wasn't an abused/neglected child can understand it. Maybe you can. It isn't important that you answer fast, really. And I don't believe you have good tips for me. But maybe you do and if not, I have at least told someone about it.

tw psychiatry, suicidal gesture, self harm

10 years ago, when I was 13, I commited myself into psychiatry. I was severely suicidal, did attempt suicide (but never told anyone in my real life, still not) and had obsessive thoughts about killing myself all the time and... Idk didn't really want it. Not all the time. So yeah, I thought that was a good idea. Secretly I was hoping they'd take me out of my family, but that was a subconscious hope.

And psychiatry was... traumatic again. It was mainly (I believe) the loss of control (trauma-child, need much control) and that the people... didn't believe I was just a people pleaser. I wanted everyone to like me and did my best all the time but... the nurses seemed to have become cynical and didn't believe that. All my depression symptoms were called "lazy, doesn't want to cooperate", all my friendships "try to bring others up against the nurses" and all the mistakes I did, because I was careless or clumsy or didn't pay enough attention, were made with bad intentions. I tried so hard to make them believe me that I was a good person, but it was useless. (They didn't treat just me this way. The psychiatry, as I learned years later, has a very bad reputation for that very reason and their protocols etc aren't very reliable amongs therapists, because they always paint patient worse than they are). It was so horrible. (One example is, I did harm myself one evening and then went to the movie evening with the self-made bandaids, in short clothes, because I didn't care to keep it a secret. The self harmers were controlled once a week anyways. And the next day was control day and the nurse (the movie night nurse) was super shocked and angry that I didn't tell her and I said (and meant) "Oh sorry, I thought you noticed yesterday evening" so she wrote down "She harms herself to manipulate the nurses to get their attention!" (I was given the protocol after I left and... it still leaves me crying)).

That's one example but I guess it shows you all you need to know. Uhh, I am shivering from anxiety again. How unfortune. Anyhow.

The first year after I left, I had flashbacks daily. It became less and less and is now only a handful times a year. Which is still much, in my opinion, for 10 years, but I can't change it.

I just had such a flashback, an olfactic one. I was in bathroom and brushing teeth and suddenly had the smell of the community bathroom of the psychiatry in my nose. And I... was so sad that I am not there anymore. Which is the opposite of what I usually feel. I am so torn between those two extremes, it hurts.

Because it wasn't everything bad. There were people... seeing me. They recognized, what I did, they saw me, greeted me, took care of me. They later wrote down that I am a horrible human being, but at least someone SAW me.

And I had hope. They quickly called CPS to take me out of my home and my social worker promised me that and was looking for a new home for me. I had hope that something would change for me, that I wouldn't need to bear my family for many more years, until I can move out. The social worker later changed her mind, decided, it was too expensive and my mom seemed nice so, good for her, goodbye. Guess where I am still living.

And the last thing, that is kinda a secret, there was a doctor I really liked. Not like in a substitute-mom way, but she was a role model for me. I would've loved her to stay my therapist for longer or be in my life for longer so she could... guide me. Oh that sounds strange. I don't find better fitting words. So she really took care of me, came in, in her freetime to talk to me, she cared more about me than she did about most other patients. And that was... really something. I really liked being around her and getting real attention from someone, who didn't think I was a horrible human being 😱 extra super.

And that is something I miss and I kinda feel like.. i ruined her image of me? So, this is embarrassing for me: When I had to leave (back to my parents home, CPS still pretending to care) she called me and I... i really broke down. Worse than ever before and after. I can't tell why. I was crying and couldn't keep myself together etc. So she called my mom who drove me back. But after a weekend (in which that doctor wasn't there) the boss-doctor decided, that I wasted enough of their time and kicked me out again. And that time I kept myself together.

That doctor gave me her email and I mailed her and asked something.. obscure. It was a cry for help but it was just cringe in hindsight. She answered me but I was so ashamed of myself and the stupid message I had written her, that I never answered her back.

No, let's be honest here, so, I was back at home and needed to keep it together so I wrote her, how much I could increase the dose of my antidepressants, to still be safe for me. I was planning to self medicate (and I did). And I was so ashamed because it was half a legit question and half a cry for help but for me it simply sounded like a stupid, childish cry for help. So yeah. That was that.

And I felt like I needed to make some progress because there were some people from psychiatry rooting for me and I didn't want to disappoint them. Half/half. On the one hand, I wanted to come back, worse than ever (to show them, that I was legit sick. I felt somewhat inferior to people with bpd, because I was officially treated as "puberty depression" and they were treated as people who really suffered.) On the other hand, I wanted to make them proud. But reality was, I did neither. I stayed still, until now. I was never allowed to go to therapy, I developed more and more mental illnesses and learned to cope with them, to mask them almost perfectly, I didn't go to college, have no job, so, I am a disappointment.

I didn't leave the house (except school) because I was so afraid to meet one of the people, and make them disappointed in me. But that's another story.

So, I am torn between "never think about psychiatry, makes only flashback and panic attack" and "miss psychiatry. Want to think about it all the time, dive(dissociate) deep into it!". And it is 10 years idk, I am pathetic, that's no secret.

Okay, bye, no need to rush, I'll leave now to calm my anxiety down.

Hi anon,

I am appalled by how you were treated at psychiatry. It always baffles me when people whose job is to literally care for people who are struggling are so incredibly insensitive and neglectful. Part of being in the field of mental health care, especially nursing and psychiatric care, is hospitality, kindness, patience, and compassion. There are unfortunately too many people in these fields that are just so cold, rude, and ignorant, and I'm so sorry that you had to deal with that.

It also makes sense to miss psychiatry. A lot of people miss their trauma in a way, because it's sometimes more predictable than the present. Another reason could be because our trauma can sometimes desensitize us to softer and more gentile things, so we seek out or actively relive traumatic moments just to feel alive. But for you of course, it wasn't 100% bad, there were moments were you felt seen and cared for. It's important to remember that there were good times as well as bad times.

I want to focus on when you said you reached out to that one doctor you liked and that the way you worded your message made you feel like it was stupid and childish. You deserve to have more compassion for your younger self because you were going through a lot, and it made sense to reach out to what may have felt like the only person in your life who truly cared, even if the execution wasn't perfect. You say it was childish, but you were a child. You don't deserve to blame yourself for doing things as a child that you cringe about today, because that was simply your mindset at the time and that's okay.

I think finding a balance between "never think about psychiatry, makes only flashback and panic attack" and "miss psychiatry, want to think about it all the time" simply takes time and healing. A therapist may be able to help you work through both options and coming to a middle ground, as well as other things about your trauma that may need attention.

I hope I could help. Please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

[umichenginabroad]

Kayak voyages and el Rio Misterioso...

Week 6

It's come to my attention that more people than I thought read my blog posts, so here's to all of my adoring fans who've been here since the early weeks! If you're new, I gotta say that these are definitely a treat (but of course I'm a bit biased). This post might be shorter than my other ones since it was a pretty relaxed week with not too much going on. However, read till the end! Treat it as waiting for the post-credits at the movies, I might have a hint about where I'm going this weekend...

Pirates of the San Sebastián Bay

I'm going to skip past Monday and Tuesday to just jump right into the rest of the week since those were mainly more days of research. Due to Tecnun having a university holiday on Wednesday, we were able to have that day off! It was super nice out so we decided to seize the day (most of the day after napping for maybe half of it) to embark on a kayak excursion. With the luck from a shilling and 5 euro note I found on the ground, I had high hopes that we would have the blessing of the sea on our side. The rental wasn't that expensive at all, especially for a two-person kayak and roughly 2 hour time slot. We originally planned to set sail for the island itself, but decided that we wanted to aim for an even bigger goal of going around the island. Everything was going smoothly until we reached the mouth of the bay, since this area featured a lot of unexpected rocky patches. As newly appointed seafarers, Jayashree and I wouldn't let this be our end. We successfully entered the choppy waters and were officially now out in open water! At this point, we should've been cast alongside Captain Jack Sparrow because we would make phenomenal pirates. Seeing the back of the island was really neat along with feeling how different it is being the only boat on the water. We ended up having a really good time and 100% would do it again!

Land Ho!

Afterwards we stopped by an icecream stand to reward ourselves on our journey, where I found a rather interesting choice to say the least. It was called a Frigo Pie, or Refrigerator Foot, and it was actually shaped... just like a foot. If I had to rate it overall, I would say a 6/10 for taste and 9/10 for presentation. What better way to cool off on a hot day, right?

It was a bit smaller than expected. I think to improve their product they should make it somewhere around a size 7-8 in US shoe sizes. More bang for your buck you know.

Photo Ops and Friendly Competitions

On Thursday, the night had a lot in store for us. To start, Jayashree, Izzy, Deidra, and I had the amazing idea to recreate some classic JCPenney-esque family photos. I don't really know how else to explain them besides just showing the results, so take a look below at the outcome and I'll do my very best to explain our vision:

We were attempting to create a square with all our hands. We almost got there but it resembles more of a rhombus.

Izzy may or may not have dropped me before taking this picture for the second time.

A big thank you to Diego for being our photographer! Later on, some of us had bought tickets to go to the local club, Bataplán, to get the experience of going out in Spain. To sum it up, we had a great time! We did some rounds of arm wrestling where Jayashree was the reigning champion, and enjoyed listening to all the spanish reggaeton music (there were also some english songs and also a random Can-Can remix).

A quick showcase!

Lately whenever I'm not at work doing research or something with my friends, I've been spending time getting back into drawing. It's always been something that I love to put time into and see how much I've improved over the years. At one point I considered going to school for storyboard animation, but I figured that I like art more as a hobby anyways :). I don't usually do architecture drawings, but I wanted to do a challenge for myself and also sketch it only in pen to up the stakes. Take a look and leave a review in the comments!

This street is from a picture I took when I was just walking around San Sebastián one day.

The Big Finale of the Week: Amusement Park!

On our very first day here, we were taken to Monte Igueldo for a lunch and the best view of the city. We decided to go back on Sunday since there's an amusement park at the top (meant for little kids but I mean we had to check it out). After disembarking from the cable car and reminiscing about the time we've spent here so far, we took a lap around to see what we wanted to do. Almost instantly, we locked eyes with a sign that read: Rio Misterioso. Intrigued, we saw that it was a little boat ride and immediately knew that this should be saved as the best for last. From there, our first stop was the rollercoaster, and boy was it actually more of a thrill than we thought it would be. Not on the same level as Cedar Point, but there were some worthy drops that gave a decent adrenaline rush. We decided to split up briefly, since Izzy and Jayashree wanted to do the bumper cars and Deidra and I wanted to take on the Casa del Terror. I was surprised that Deidra wanted in on this since she's not a fan of all things spooky, but this would be her first haunted house and one at a kid's amusement park is a pretty good starter. For 3 euros, it definitely was an experience. The theme inside wasn't exactly cohesive and varied between movie theatre, jurassic park, the shining, catacombs, and skeletons playing chess. I won't name names but a certain someone was jumpscared by a door, and I almost tripped because I didn't see the stairs. Once we left, we found Jayashree and Izzy living it up in the bumper car arena and then strolled our way with anticipation to el Rio Misterioso. It was a pretty calm and scenic ride with a view of the ocean and city, just shorter than we expected it to be. The route led us into a small underpass where we saw...Peter Pan? Seeing him made me feel magical and whimsical, making for a truly life-changing boat ride. With that, I think the mysterious river really did live up to its name.

The view from the top!

My homies Pennywise and Peter Pan!

As promised, I said that I have a sneak peak into what next week's post will bring. First of all, thanks for staying this long! I really do appreciate when people read my posts and get to see what I'm doing day-to-day :). Now for the hint!

You get 5 blanks: _ _ _ _ _

It's a city in France, there's a show with my name in it and this city, and the Olympics will be taking place here this year. It's probably a dead giveaway, but still fun to guess!

See you soon,

Emily Dobao

IPE San Sebastian, Spain

July 2nd, 2024

[casspurrjoybell-27]

In a Heartbeat - Chapter 54 - Part 1

*Warning - Adult Content*

Simon

Walking out was easy, I was used to walking out on people.

I had done it for years, even walking out on Aspen and Cedar at times.

Even on Sam.

Once you took those few steps, it was easy to continue walking.

The hard part was not looking back.

Especially when that person was your mate.

It hurt to shut those doors behind me but I had to.

I needed to make things clear.

I couldn't continue with this back and forth thing between us.

It would tear us apart, tear me apart if this was just how we were going to go, this constant push and pull of the bond until we would erode and fall apart like a coastal cliff.

I had spent years, nearly two decades trying to tell myself that it would never work and now that we were this close, then distant the next, it was worse than if I knew it wouldn't work in the end.

He needed to stop thinking and just feel.

And I needed to do the opposite.

I had been feeling so much that I needed to stop and wonder what was more important.

Decide if what we were doing would actually benefit us or just make things worse.

But I couldn't shake the feeling of hurt.

I had been through a lot of pain and heartache before but this was different.

I knew he was trying.

Goddess, I did.

But I knew that he was holding back too.

And I wasn't sure if it would ever get better.

Would he ever fully let go?

Would he be happy like this?

Were we pushing this too far, forcing something that would just make us less happy in the end?

He was pushing me away again, so I'd let him.

If he really wanted this to work, he'd reach out to me.

He would think about what I said and make up his mind.

He was right, that I didn't need him.

I really didn't but in a way I did.

I wanted to be content by his side.

I didn't even care about the mark, about his title or any of that.

I'd be happy just to share the same space as him.

But I wasn't sure if it was enough now.

'You deserve better,' he has said and he was right.

I needed more.

Less of him doubting himself and more of him focusing on us.

Less on others and more on us.

So I'd give him time, give him space.

And until he figured it out, I'd wait.

I'd wait another sixteen years if it took him that long to figure out what he wanted if I had to.

********

Something was off with Michael.

It had become quite normal for him to treat me to lunch, sometimes to a fancy restaurant or even to a small mom and pop shop.

But today was different.

We had been on our way to Cindy's Diner, a place I preferred over any of those expensive places easily when he had received a call.

"Hmm?"

He gripped the steering wheel tighter as the other person on the line talked.

"No, we agreed."

"No, leave him to me," he mumbled.

"That was the deal."

A pause before Michael said harshly...

"Just do as I say. I call the shots, here."

I didn't bother to ask him about it but he was acting more and more agitated even through our lunch.

He had barely touched his food, angrily typing a response every two minutes on his phone.

This had gone on the whole time, even after I had ordered some extra food for Vince.

He had barely finished one of the three pancakes on his plate, his coffee still full as he sent his card to the waitress.

I had tried asking if he wanted to take the rest home but he remained on his phone the whole time, barely even sparing me a glance.

Usually, we talked about anything and everything but it was unusually quiet.

As I waited for Michael from the bathroom outside, my cell-phone pinged.

A text from Xavier.

'Where are you?'

'At Cindy's. What's wrong?'

'A rogue attack.'

My heart dropped as he continued to type.

He stopped before typing again.

'Is Vince with you?'

'No,' I responded, frowning down at my phone.

Was Vince not at the pack?

Where could he have gone?

But if rogues were attacking, then shouldn't Michael...

"What's with that face?" he said snidely as he walked back from the bathroom but there was something dangerous about the way he walked closer.

Even my wolf was on edge.

"You look like you've seen a ghost."

I tilted my head, before stuffing my phone back in my pocket.

"Xavier said there was a rogue attack. Did you know? We should..."

"The Betas can handle it, I'm sure."

"What are you saying...?"

He placed a firm grip on my shoulder before saying nonchalantly,

"Let's stay here, enjoy some downtime, Simon. You deserve a break from all this."

"But the pack, Micheal."

I tried to pry his hand away.

"We need to go. Rogues are attacking..."

"Why? Let it all burn, I say. They don't deserve our sympathy."

[blackmalethoughts]

It's very interesting to me how there are many people in western society that do not get it. Imagine one guy out of many telling other Black men that you have options, but somehow you're considered a loser for traveling to a different country for women to "take advantage of".

"You can find the same girl here in America, what's your point?!" Hardware vs. software. Yes, beautiful women are in America, Canada, Africa, etc. It doesn't matter, but if that woman is not doing anything to be your peace, what is the point of dealing with a woman like her? If there are an influx of beautiful women in Brazil, for example, that want to give men a peace of mind (not just sex), then why should any man pass that up? Should these black men stay in America and be miserable for the rest of their lives with a woman that comes with a laundry list of ish that men don't need?

"If you're a lame/brokie in America, you'll be a lame/brokie in South America. Your work ethic/charm doesn't change by catching a flight. Doing the necessary internal work changes that."

Ah yes, the lame / broke trope. There are a lot of men who have never traveled / are traveled enough, and women who've done / are the opposite, who'll tell you men (black men especially) that you're a lame-ass loser-ass broke man traveling overseas to pay for pussy and take advantage of these poor women who so desperately want a green card. The quotes are full of these types of comments.

When it comes to black people and them calling a black man lame / gay, it's usually associated with the way with how you look, act, and your hobbies. You're lame if you play video games, don't look like / as similar to King Von, you get no bitches, reading books, talking proper, etc., but you're doing something right in your life if you're getting money by selling drugs, gangbanging on the streets and looking like Future getting a bunch of women pregnant.

They tell you that if you're broke in your own country, then you're also broke in another country, not realizing that their own American money stretches out MORE farther in South America and parts of Asia. $50k may not get a person as far now in America, but take that money into countries like Colombia or Brazil, you'll be much more better off. Then these people will say that you're taking advantage of these poor women in their poor countries, all the while women in America are taking advantage of men for $200+ dates at expensive restaurants and free food + drinks, and not even a kiss / smash at the end 😒😒😒 Pretty ridiculously high price if you ask me.

Now to the part where they tell you that you have to change yourself, because something is wrong with you, internally.

Okay... let me play along here. I choose to change myself for the better; physically, financially and mentally, and then within a matter of 5 years, I'm better off than where I was before. After the whole 5 years of putting in work on myself, which parts of my dating life have changed? Practically nothing. You're not as important to them than you think you are. Women to this day still have a large ass laundry list of what they want from a man yet they aren't willing to meet halfway when the man has his shit together. These are the same women complaining about the type of men that treat them like shit, all the while leave the "lame/broke" dude in the friendzone as a last resort if all goes south. What makes you think that I would choose to stay in a country where there are full of beautiful looking women who are damaged to the core and will add no value to my life?

Hardware vs Software. Plus, better cost of living and the food possibly much more cleaner than things that are processed? Who wouldn't want that?

I think it's really silly to think that as a man, I have to change myself for a woman and then when it's time for the woman to do the same, it's the whole, "I'M ALREADY PERFECT / I'M A TEN", comments they go with. They don't need to change, for they are already perfect as they are; yet they walk around with so much baggage that no good hard working man needs in his life. Throw that baggage onto the pookies and ray rays instead. I'm good over here.

[the-blog-of-a-bipolar-autistic]

I forgot to upload yesterday :P

4-6-2024

My boyfriend and I have been talking and he agrees that even if we have the money right now, I should wait to see what insurance can do with the walker. I highly doubt much will come from my upcoming appointment. I'm only 20 and my insurance is laughably awful at helping me. My insurance is only good for prescription prices. My abilify off of insurance is like-- 3,000 dollars apparently.. well every time I buy it it says I saved like 3,000 dollars so maybe I'm not getting it because a google search shows it can be up to 100 for a 30 day supply (I get a 90 day supply). I take lamatrogine and ariprizole (abilify) for my Bipolar. Lamatrogine is used to treat the depression aspect of bipolar (it's a medication also used for epilespy and seizures) and ariprizole is just.. well, for bipolar. Ariprizole is also an antipsychotic medication which for some reason has not helped with my delusions. Skip this next paragraph if your delusions/hallucinations are easily influenced. While I won't go into detail about what my delusions are for safety reasons I will explain one of them. Eyes and cameras. It has been going on since I was younger. I think there is constantly an audience watching me. Sometimes it's fine and I act like it's some dumb show but other times it can get incredibly overwhelming. I usually just ride it out until the feeling and paranoia goes away but sometimes it doesn't go away for days. My boyfriend does his best to help me, he tells me it isn't real and my life is too boring for anyone to watch anyways (I told him to tell me that in a past conversation) but it doesn't matter. My delusions make my life a slice of life show and it gets really irritating.

Delusion talk over for the rest of this post Random thought but I realized I am only ableist to myself. While others are allowed to need accommodations and take frequent breaks, I don't allow it for myself. I would rather stand in the kitchen cooking in agonizing pain then dare take a chair up to the stove while I cook. I don't understand why my brain refuses to let me accept these accommodations. I guess I just really hate the idea that my body is not as healthy as it used to be. I remember one time in middle school my friends and I went to the Rollerena (our roller skating place.) We decided to walk to McDonalds after which according to google is, at longest, a 22 minute mile long walk. In this memory I don't remember being in too much pain. It hurt a normal amount for someone who was just roller skating their little heart out then went on a half an hour mile long walk.

I don't know what happened. I don't have any memories of any accidents after wards? My legs have just been slowly getting worse and worse. My boyfriend is convinced that in my future I will be a partial wheelchair user. I wouldn't be opposed to it but it still sucks. I know there are people younger who are partial wheelchair users and that is completely valid and I am glad they have a support system where they are able to do that. When you see other people in wheelchairs you rarely ever think about being the one in the wheelchair. At least I never did but now it's happening and it's scary. I am losing the ability to walk without assistance. When I was younger and looking at American Girl dolls I wanted a "Truly Me", which I never got because American Girl Dolls were too expensive for our poverty-stricken family. I always had a weird way of wanting my doll, I wanted it to have braces, glasses, and a wheelchair? I joked in the past that my Truly Me doll was coming to life after I got braces then glasses, but now it's getting eerie. I imagine if younger me could design the doll using the website it would look something like this (+ a wheelchair)

My entire child hood I begged for that doll but my parents never understood why I wanted 3 things I didn't have at the time. I guess little me knew that somehow I would be needing them eventually. I always worried I would be in a wheelchair due to a broken leg but my fears are starting to subside with the realization of my diminishing leg health. Onto the topic of my mental health, it is also declining. My family is moving out of the house we have had for the past 10 or so years. I have to pack up a box of things I won't need for a while and sell some things so I have enough money to move out and, hopefully, stay at my boyfriend's family's house for a while. While doing so yesterday, I broke down sobbing in front of my boyfriend. I understand I am 20 and it's time to move out but it is coming so quick and uncontrollably. I was always imagining I would be moving out when I was ready, when I had a job and enough money to move out, but it seems that isn't the case. Yes I am 20 and do not have a job. I have never had a job. I am desperately searching for one but it is getting me no where. I got 1 interview in the past 2 years of me applying places. It sucks. They never called me back. I almost got an interview at the coffee shop up the road of my (soon to be old) house but I missed the interview window twice. Once because I was out of town and the other because my stupid phone never gave me a notification that the manager texted me back. On top of being unable to find a job I am worried about my ability to work a job. I am autistic and need people to bluntly explain what I am supposed to do and, like I have been rambling about for the past several paragraphs, my legs are shit. I am so scared of being in extreme pain while trying to work with customers.

Anyways, back to my family moving out. The reason they are moving is because my mom got a job in another city and over the past year due to a contract they have been paying for her apartment. Unfortunately for me, that contract only lasted a year. My mom wasn't even going to take the job due to it being so far away (2 1/5 hour drive) and us not having the money or notice to move out so suddenly. We even got the house reappraised because we were so accepting that we were going to be living in this house for longer. Unfortunately the company told my mom they would pay for her apartment in a year and my mom quickly accepted. While I'm happy for her, she is finally a manager at the store she has been working at since I was around 7, I am also really upset. We had made the plans to stay and over night I was being told that in a year we were selling the house and I would need to either move with them 2 1/2 hours away from a place I grew so accustomed to or move out entirely. I have been trying to downsize. Sell books, plushies, clothes, and other miscellaneous items. Throw away things that are unsalvageable. Figure out what to do with most of my items. I know it sounds easy but I have grown an attachment to most of my things. I am selling a whole trash bag of plushies including my long hello kitty plush and a my melody one. For clarification the hello kitty looks something like this. (My image)

My boyfriend hates it and I got it in 2020 so It lost it's funniness. The my melody also look like this (also my image)

I know it sucks because Sanrio is just a comfort for me but both are not my favourite characters (I prefer Cinnamoroll) and I need the money. I am planning on selling them soon along with several others. I am going to miss all of my plushies but I am keeping several. I am planning on selling them on Facebook market place, mainly because I don't want to deal with shipping so I'll sell to people in my area. I had to throw out my big hello kitty mermaid plush because it had a giant hole in the neck :( She was my favourite out of them all and now she is going to end up in some dumpster somewhere. I would've sewn her up and sold her but the hole was in such an inconvenient spot that it would tear in a single toss on the bed. I am having a conversation on what to do with my, I have them ironically I swear, body pillows. When I show you my biggest one you will understand that they are completely Ironic. I have decided to keep this one

Yes I have an Anthony Hopkins body pillow. My step-sibling got it for me as a joke Christmas gift. I think it's the best pillow I have ever owned. It's the funniest shit inviting friends over for the first time and seeing their reaction to a random old man on a pillow in my bed. ANYWAYS I broke down sobbing yesterday because I had to pack up things. Everything is moving so fast and everything is a lot. I have to go back today and do more but I am so scared. I know I'm going to cry more. It sucks. I don't like getting rid of things. Anyways I'll wrap this up here. I am kind of breaking down a bit just thinking of it. I am going to go over to my house soon and pack up my things.

[monstergili]

So... I finally turned thirty today. Most people have some big party or something when celebrating milestones like this. But honestly? I don't really feel like it. Not been one for huge parties anyhow. I'm kind of mixed in how I feel on turning thirty.

A few peers have kids by now; my cousins certainly have kids. (Although I don't really see them nowadays). When I was younger, I thought I wasn't sure I wanted children... as an adult, I am still unsure. With how many bad things are happening around the world, my own responsibilities as a carer and fears of being a bad parent... It's understandable why I haven't really committed to the idea. But even if I do decide to have kids, my options are slim. Doing it artificially is expensive and I feel like they wouldn't even bother with my own weight. The possibility of being bypassed for better options for adoption seems likely to me with my current conditions. As for the "old fashioned way", I have never been in a relationship before, so I think my own anxiety would make the experience very uncomfortable.

If I don't have children, I will be able to adapt though I will never know how things would have worked out. One of those "what ifs" you know?

The one thing I haven't experienced but still wish to is dating. While I've had about three people over years so it interest, I never felt it back. I don't know if it was because I just didn't feel the attraction, or I needed more relationship building for my demiromantic side to finally approve of things. I know there are dating site and apps, but I always felt off about those things. Like, I wouldn't fit because of my narrow interests, anxiety and my Auditory Processing Disorder affecting communication. I never even kissed, so I fear the dating scene may try to move things too fast for me to cope. Am I more aromatic than I thought or have just not found the right person yet? Who knows.

On the upside, I did get some books for myself prior to the day. Hopefully I will get a chance to read them soon when I'm not busy. Also my friend Robert took me out to eat that day too, which was nice since usually I treat him. :) Hopefully things will get better into the new year as things move forward. I'm still getting use to the changes and things I need to do to improve my life.

[petitmonde]

What's your usual coffee/tea order? Do you prefer warm or cold drinks? Do you have a favorite seasonal drink/treat?

You better prepare for a lengthy answer, since you asked this to a coffee snob.

So, most of the time I drink coffee at home. Mostly because coffee shops are not only bloody expensive, but most of them are inept at brewing a good cup to boot. If I do go, it's one of the independent shops where you can pick out what specific coffee drink you want your coffee made with. It's either an espresso or a cappuccino made with oatmilk. Never anything sweet in it, ever. In the summer I like to order iced coffee, again with oat milk. And for a special treat, an affogato. That's the only sweet thing I'd drink with coffee in it.

At home, I buy whole beans to grind them myself. I like to try different varieties of coffee, so I seldom buy big bags of it. My favourite go to roast is light roast arabica. The fruity notes and depth of flavour is something else compared to a darker roast. Never robusta though. Haven't had any luck with it so far, and I associate it with overpriced coffee drinks from Starbucks and the like. I weigh out my beans and my water on a scale for consistency, and let it steep for a good while. Steeping time can be a good 10-15 minutes. I use a French press, and it's served me well.

The ratios I use per cup:

15 g coffee

250 g water

If you want consistent good cups of coffee, it's important to know what you did to get there. Otherwise the experience can wary wildly, and you wouldn't know how you got to that great cup you just had.

As for tea, I like getting oolong or green tea. Spiced tea is also nice, and so is herbal. Not a big fan of fruit tea, but I'll drink it to be polite if I'm offered.

I'm fairly polite when it comes to getting hot beverages whenever I visit someone. I dont want to be rude just because someone doesn't make it the way I would prefer it. Hell, I'll even drink your sugar nightmare with a straight face if that's all you've got left. Who knows, maybe this is the time I'll like it? Probably isn't, but I'll still drink it.

Overall I think I prefer hot drinks. I live in a colder climate, so maybe that suits my answer quite well. I could also drink hot coffee in 40° weather no problem.

For seasonal treats, I guess all the cookies are starting to be spiced again, which I quite like. Ginger, cinnamon and cloves are great together. Especially if it's heavy on the ginger. There's not really any drinks I've been looking forward to, as I'm not a fan of the saccharine sweet drinks that come with the season. Not for me.

[fictionalmenmistress]

🌸🍡Taehyung with a chubby darling🍡🌸

In which our best boy reacts to having a bashful girlfriend who happens to be volumptous and curvy... and chubby and soft... and he finds it to be SO SEXY she has no ideaaaa! *Y/N insert story!*

Some NSFW but mostly SFW, some angsty self image views, but soft and fluffy praises. Not requested, but I felt like doing it for a little self-gratification since he'd likely be exactly like this... enjoy lovelies~ 😚

All of my work is labelled under the hashtag #fictionalmenmistress, in the tags 🌸🍡🌸

"Hey baby~" Taehyung devilishly smirks, tucking his head into your shoulder.

"AHH!" You shriek, as your boyfriend squeezes you from behind. You pull out your earbuds and pause your music, spinning around to face him before you. "You SCARED me, Taehyung!"

Taehyung softly chuckled, taking you into his arms. "Awwww my baby... I'm sorry." He cooed, not taking your scolding seriously.

You pull your face away from his gentle hands, as he leaned closer to cup your cheeks... but pouts when he's denied.

"What if a sasaeng broke in and grabbed me or something? Its scary enough to be in such a big house all by myself, you know I'm always looking over my shoulder... because I'm scared of ghosts, and stuff going 'bump' in the night."

"But not us going 'bump' in the night, right?" He mischeviously smirks, taking your hand into his, examining your face with half-closed, lulled eyes.

"Taehyungieeee-" you whine, playfully scolding him to pay attention, as a blush surfaces over your whole face. "You know I scare easily."

"I do too, precious." He quietly assures, before groaning. "OKAYYYY, I won't suprise you off guard anymore... no matter how cute or amusing your reaction may be-" he murmured in submission, letting out a long sigh. "Can't I just... hold you now?"

You blush, as he guides your hand to his lips, pressing a delicate kiss against the back of your hand. "I missed you all day... you're usually with me at the studio, or waiting with those yummy muffins after dance practice."

You giggle. "You mean the ones I lie to PD-nim about? Saying they're faux muffins, that are really veggie-based, to enhance protein and carb burning?" You ask, lifting your eyebrows in an amused way.

"Yeah, those ones..." Taehyung sighs with a pout. "All the guys love them... even Mister Bang now."

"He does, doesn't he?" You grimace, remembering the tray you made their boss recently, per-request. "I feel bad about lying, now that he thinks they're okay to eat all the time..."

"NOOO we can't lose our muffins!!" Taehyung playfully whines, clinging onto your arm. "He'll make us diet if he knowssss!"

"It sounds like you miss my muffins more than me." You smirk.

Taehyung scoffs, shaking his head, before planting several, slow kisses, up your arm.

"No, there's nothing I wouldn't give to have you by my side. Every day... muffins or no muffins." He giggles, towering over you and gazing into your eyes. "I missed you today."

"I missed you too, Tiger. I had been needing to do some artwork for my webtoon panels." You smile, booping his nose. "I'm trying to build an audience for my own work!"

Taehyung gently groans, pulling you in close by your waist. "You know... I can reccomend it to army on weverse or twitter. You've always been the best story teller I know... so its not like I'd be making up any praises about how amazing it is..."

You run your fingers through his soft hair, as he nuzzles into your neck. You can feel his breath slowing, huffing against your skin to breathe you in. He sends a shiver down your spine, slowly squeezing his hands over your hips, almost like... he's kneeding dough.

"Tae... y-you know I want to make something for myself..." you blush, as his hands sensually explore their way up your back. "I want to have self-made sucsess, doing what I love. It means a lot to me, to say that I did it, without anyone's help."

"Mmmm... my pretty little buisness CEO... I love it when you're ambitious and driven."

You scoff, wriggling in his hold. "Oh please, Tae... I'm not little, c'mon." You blush, this time out of embarrasement.

He can feel your body grow stiffened in his arms.

"Why can't I just praise you?" He whispers, almost saddened that you won't accept the admiration.

He leans back and stares into your eyes, with a small childish pout of dissapointment on his lips. His eyes are big and glossy as they penetrate your soul... like that of a puppy.

Its so wonderfully strange how he can look so intimidating and sexy sometimes... then all of a sudden so soft and baby-ish.

And right when he had you where he wanted you, softening your attention to be on him and distracted... of COURSE he would try to snag a move on you again. There went his large, manly hands... gently gripping and easing into a subtle squeeze on your waist skin... before sliding so slowly and delicately down to your bubbly buttcheeks.

Ah those thick buns and 'thicc' thighs. You love them then you hate them... they jiggle when you move, they always have. And... they have those small dimples in them. You always felt hesitant to let your boyfriend touch the soft spots, worried he may be turned off by the texture of your squishy skin, or how your body isn't tight like his own body. And yet... his gaze and hands always wandered there most... he was so needy for those areas, always trying to weasel his way into exploring them.

You were pretty confident about your big breasts, however. Those didn't make you feel like 'too much' for him. Well... besides the faded stretchmarks from them growing so quickly during middle school. Puberty... it just kinda hit you like a truck. You went from looking like a scrawny child to looking like a shapely woman with a baby doll face.

Parents would get mad at you trick or treating, assuming you were a college student dressing up and requesting candy. And those pervy older men were always such a pesty, creepy problem. All this to say, you became very aware of your body, very fast. Your other classmates were still skinny and shapeless, with more boxy frames than curvy frames, and none of the boys in your class ever seemed to be attracted to you, over the girls like them.

As Taehyung has said once before though... a young boy wants to knaw on bones, while a grown man hungers for the meat.

"Did you just compare me to meat?" You asked him after the fact.

"No! No... that's not what I..." He giggled, shaking his head. "Its just an old saying, that I only really understood when I grew up. Basically, women with shape are the sexiest to men... but teenage boys are attracted to a more child-like, thinner look." he quietly said.

His words echoed through your head, before you attention re-gathered in the moment happening now.

"You're little to me..." he innocently cooed.

Yes, I suppose height-wise you were shorter than your tall boyfriend. But you always wondered if you looked too... big... standing next to him. He was so lean... with practically no fat on his firm, toned body. But you were soft all over. And seeing Taehyung at award shows... surrounded by all of those dainty, tiny girlgroup idols... they looked like they could fit in his hands. But you... you felt so big sometimes, with your foreign genetics.

Taehyung never seemed to care, and he never said anything but praises, but you still wondered in the back of your mind. Did he think you were too much for him?

Taehyung liked a challenge. The more you shyed away, the more he pressed into you, cradling you in his grasp. (He knew the difference between you being shy versus being non-consenting, and NEVER went against your limits or desires. He read people quite well, especially you...)

"Taehyung..." you gulped, feeling your lips trembling to get the words out. "D-do you think I'm... f-fat?" You stammer. The look on his face is almost appalled, angered. Who would make you have such a false impression?

"What?" He repeated. "Fat? Absolutely NOT." He corrected, tilting up his chin confidently.

"B-but... according to Korean standards..." you muttered, beginning to ramble now that pandora's box had been opened. "I'm-"

"Don't say it." He coldly ordered. "Korean beauty standards are unrealistic and drive even the skinniest and prettiest of Korean women to get surgeries that promise an 'ideal image'. But, everyone is perfect exactly as they are. I know you know that, and you know I know that too. So, screw what advertising comanies call the 'ideal image' in my country or yours. Ideal image, my ass."

"Taehyung!" You gasp, suprised that he swore. Your boyfriend wasn't one to swear... it was a rare quality about him.

The way he worded it made you chuckle at a realization.

"Well, your butt is indeed the ideal image..." you murmured, making Taehyung smirk to see you amused and feeling a little better.

"I'm glad you think so, Jagiya~" he cooed, guiding you to the couch without his arms leaving your waist. You trusted him wholly, to guide you backwards, or anywhere.

Taehyung suddenly slipped his arm under one of your knees, making you yelp as he pulled your thigh up against the side of his body. He confidently smiles all the while, his intimate gaze never leaving your eyes. You feel his hand squeeze the thigh, and you could tell he was doing it less for support to lift you onto the couch, and moreso to feel your volumptuous form in his grasp. Ohhh he loved your thighs... your soft, lovely thighs...

He slowly leaned into you, guiding you to recline back onto the expensive, large, comfy couch.

You giggled, as he leaned all of his body onto you, squishing you playfully under him.

"Taehyung!" You laughed. "You're squishing me!"

"I want all of my body to be against your perfect body." He sweetly grinned. "There's not an inch of me that doesn't belong to you."

"Well, you're suprisingly heavy..." you playfully pout, succumbing to the comortable pressure his body was pressing into you. It was arousing, actually...

"And you're suprisingly light." He gently remarked, flipping you both so you were on top of him. You knew he didn't mean that in a bad way.

"Or you're just strong..." you sighed.

"Maybe I'm strong... but your body is perfect to me. The way you FEEL..." he began, greedily squeezing his palms over the softest parts of your thighs. "The way you LOOK..." he hungrily growled, almost an octive deeper... sending a shiver through your core as he drank in the image before him. His eyes widened as they scanned over your bouncing large breasts in his view, as he watched you sit up, straddling him as he lied there. The smile on his face was pleasured, pleased. He was a happy man to have you on top of him, no matter how light or heavy you were... he WANTED you to press your lovely form into him. "The way you walk... so bouncy and sexy... I feel jealous about how the hyungs check you out when your back is turned." His voice turned devilishly lower... deeper... as if wrathful for revenge. "Its a crime that any man gets to see your godess-like form standing before them, besided me."

"Th-they do that?" You blush, not realizing the rest of the boys saw you in that way.

"Mhmm... all of them do. Its soooo not fairrr..." he grumbled under his breath, almost purring as he took in the sight of your squishy tummy against his chest, and your juicy thighs around him. "Kitten~" he desperately sighed. "I get so HARD, just IMAGINING how you look IN clothes that cover you completely... let alone the f-fantasies of you naked~" he humms, with a hitch in his breathy whispers.

"Hh-huhh..." he sighs, his breath hitching again, as his eyes lazily roll into the back of his head, before re-drifting back down onto you. Just the remembrance gets him THAT hot and bothered??

"For realsies?" You coyly, bashfully ask.

"Of course, kitten. Would I lie to you?" He asks, raising his eyebrows with a confident smirk.

"Maybe... if it would make me feel better..." you dissapointedly assume.

He sits up, supporting himself on one of his arms, making his chest press against your breasts through your shirt. You were face to face now... just staring into one another's eyes.

"NEVER." He assured. "I would never lie to you. There's no reason for me to lie to make you feel better, Jagi. You're literally a goddess."

You feel your cheeks flume red. "G-goddess?"

"Yes! Renaissance masters didn't sculpt ideal greek godess statues with soft curves for nothing..." he grumbled, blushing at the sight of your innocent face.

"Ohh Taehyungie..." you dreamily sighed, leaning fully against his chest as he slowly lowered you both down, to lie against one another horizontally.

"The way our bodies are so different... the way yours is so soft comared to how hard and stiff mine is... its perfect." He gently cooed. "I'm surpised that you're so comfy in my arms."

"Oh Tae, you're my safe place. I love how you feel... I love how you hold me." You intimately whispered.

He stared deeply into your eyes, as a gentle smile rested on his admiring, sculpted, handsome face.

"Didn't you find me during our Love Yourself era?" He asked, cocking a brow.

"Mhmm." You responded, rapidly nodding your head up and down in such a soft, innocent way.

Taehyung giggled, endeared at your cuteness. "Okay then. I want you to love yourself... because I love you. All of you."

He gently lifted your loose shirt up enough to grab onto your waist, running his hands slowly down the sides of you, to squeeze your soft tummy in his hands, his eyes practically glistening with desire.

"Ever inch of you... every hair, every patch of skin, every tint and shade, every texture. You belong to me, and you're the sexiest being in existance. And all of me belongs to you, only you, forever. Alright?" He romantically assured, gazing hopelessly into your eyes.

The soft smile that pulled into his lips, let you know the fullest sincerity of his tone. "Okay." You smile, leaning into his lips to kiss him.

Slowly, passionately you kissed, deepening the intimate act with every second. Soon enough, your hands were running all over one another, tilting your heads to reach your tongues into the deepest parts of your mouth. Body to body... you both were perfect, together and apart, exactly as you are... he loved you.

🌸 the end 🌸 (for more, visit my hashtag: #fictionalmenmistress in the tags 🥰 requests and headcannons are also open!)

[beetlebethwrites]

Hey everybody (including weirdo brothers)! What's your favourite place to go when you're celebrating a huge milestone or accomplishment?

Matt easily slips into speaking first, "I know it's pretty obvious of me to say but I love to go into the countryside and do a hike. It's a good way to get out into my favourite places knowing that I don't have anything to think about."

Alex's grin is shit-eating as they meet Matt's eyes without a flinch. "I would just go to a bar. Buy us a round, go home with someone, the usual kind of thing."

"That does sound pretty good," Char agrees, nodding along. "I prefer a smaller pub usually, a few friends and somewhere that does pretty good food. Add in a kebab or a chip butty on the way home after some music and that's a perfect night."

"I would prefer a night at home with maybe a takeaway. Or the cinema?" Eve's voice is quiet as she cuts in before a discussion about the best local bars sparks between Alex and Charlie.

Jordan's eyes light up as they nod along with her, "I love the cinema but when I'm celebrating something really big I usually get my hair done. Ronnie does it for me and it takes a long time, sometimes up to eight hours depending on what she does so that's a big treat."

Bo-yeon hums as everyone's eyes turn to them. "I might treat myself to something I wouldn't usually buy or do for myself. Perhaps a theatre show or a good meal. The kind of thing that you'd enjoy as a gift."

"There's an Italian that I really like just around the way," Ben nods, the sage word of an older brother cutting through your friends, "We've been there for birthdays since we were kids but it still feels special to me even though I know it's not that expensive or good now."

[rafesgfs]

love me, hate me - part two

Warnings: explicit sexual content, swearing

Word count: 3.3k

Summary: Christmas comes around and Ransom wants you more than ever.

part one

"You're telling me you actually want to date this guy? The one who can't even make you cum?" you asked, licking the remaining frosting from your finger. You placed the messy bowl in the sink, watching your best friend trying—and failing—to get the egg shells out of the mixture.

Meg gave up, dumping the brownie batter down the sink with the water running, fed up with the shells. "Yeah, but sex isn't everything, you know. I don't know—it's just this guy isn't like my exes. He genuinely cares about my feelings, and doesn't control me. Besides, he made me cum a few times. He's nice."

With Mariah Carey's Christmas music playing in the background, the miniature Christmas tree on the table, and the snow falling, the Thrombey household felt festive. Although, the people bundled up and arguing in the next room—not so much. Yet, neither of you cared while you continued to work, helping Martha out, on the desserts. It wasn't going as well as planned, but you took it as a positive considering you hadn't started a fire. Yet.

"Ah, yes, nice. Can't relate. I'm currently attracted to assholes who have anger issues." you commented, passing Meg the flour once again. Your creation was in the oven, and all you hoped was that no one got food poisoning because of it. Even you couldn't live with the guilt of Ransom, or his touchy father, throwing up Christmas morning.

"Currently?" Meg asked, raising an eyebrow, getting eggs out of the fridge for the hundredth time. She glanced at the direction of the door, the sound of it opening drawing both of your attention. "I'm pretty sure your daddy issues didn't just happen recently. Speaking of which, you may be the main reason Ransom decided to come back for Christmas instead chasing a model around."

You rolled your eyes, sitting back in your chair while contemplating whether or not it's too late to ditch. While Ransom was hot, his spoiled attitude wasn't worth tolerating for a quick fuck. With sarcasm dripping, you sighed. "Oh, how wonderful. 'Cause, that's exactly what I need right now."

Meg chuckled, focusing on the task at hand, trying not get shells in the mixture again. She had held off on mixing the dry stuff, much to your dismay, but to her it made sense to get the hard part out of the way so it wouldn't fuck everything up. Your best friend had just finished cracking her last egg when Harlan walked into the kitchen, Ransom trailing a few feet behind him. The playboy's eyes immediately landed on you, yet you didn't meet his, too preoccupied with the phone in your hands.

Harlan's slight frown lifted into a smile, surveying how messy the kitchen had gotten. "My, my, I wasn't aware a cake had exploded in my kitchen."

Looking up, you grinned at the old man, the smile reaching your eyes until you saw who was behind him. Ignoring Ransom, you giggled at Harlan's remark. "You call it a mess, we call it baking."

"As long as you ladies are having fun." Harlan replied, patting your shoulder before heading off towards his office, too tired to deal with his dysfunctional family at the moment.

Ransom lingered, walking up to you, a smirk impended on his face. Yet, you refocused you're attention back on your phone while Meg left the room, her apron still attached to her. You didn't question her sudden disappearance, knowing she was just as annoyed at Ransom's presence. The man in question peeked over you shoulder to see your screen showing off another man's dick, the words right below it explicit.

His jaw clenched in jealousy. Much to his chagrin, the man's dick was just as big as his own. But, he kept the icy exterior up. "Would it be offensive to ask whether or not your baking will make me sick this evening?"

You scoffed without looking up, tapping out of the dick pic your previous hook up had sent. "Since when do you care if you're offensive or not? Who are you, and what have you done to Ransom Drysdale?"

Ransom shrugged, leaning against the kitchen island while facing your annoyed expression. His smug behavior got under your skin, and the bastard was well aware. "Maybe all this Christmas spirit got into me. Or maybe I'm trying to be nice."

You raised an eyebrow, getting off your chair, rushing to the window, pretending to be looking for something. After a few seconds, Ransom's curiosity got the best of him and he joined you, looking for anything unusual outside. The snow-covered land showed nothing out of the ordinary, furthering Ransom's confusion.

"What are you looking at? I can't see anything." he said, squinting at the general direction you had look at.

Shrugging, you moved back to your seat, propping your elbows on the back of the chair, allowing a smug smirk lift your lips. "I thought pigs were flying. Ransom Drysdale isn't capable of being nice, yet alone say the word. I'm shocked hell hadn't freeze over. Yet."

The playboy rolled his eyes, crossing his arms as he took your body in, wrapped in his favorite color, the dress hugging your curves. "What's a guy have to do to be taken seriously with you? You and I both know I can give you everything you want, and more."

"Are you trying to buy me right now?" you asked, half teasing, half annoyed. Ransom could not take a hint, and you hated the fact that he didn't back off despite the sarcasm and insults you threw his way.

"I'm trying to be nice but you're making it really hard." Ransom answered, his cockiness wearing off. He was growing frustrated the more you looked at him like he was a piece of trash. All you wanted him to be was nice, now that he was trying to be, you wouldn't believe his intentions, despite wanting to prove it to you.

Pursing your lips, you tapped your finger against the table, the acrylic nail making a clicking noise. "You wanna prove it? Fine. You've got til midnight tonight. If you're unable to change my mind, you have to buy me my spring break vacation, all the fees and expenses."

"And if I do change your mind..." Ransom smirked, brushing a stray hair behind your ear, earning a half-hearted glare. "... you have to go on a date with me."

Ransom nearly burst out laughing from your shocked expression, the genuine look of surprised slapped on your face with the words. You shut your hanging jaw, still not processing what he was saying. "Excuse me?"

"You have to go on a date with me if I convince you that I'm willing to change my, and I quote, 'bratty and douchebag ways.' An actual date where we sit down, eat dinner, talk about our feelings, and get drunk. Whatever happens, happens." Ransom purred, placing a finger on your bottom lip. You slapped his hand away, and his smirked grew. "Are you going to back out of this already, princess?"

It was your stubborn side that made agree, pressing your lips into a thin line, you grabbed Ransom's hand, shaking it. He raised an eyebrow while you sighed. "You're on. Hope you have enough money to pay for a lengthy trip. I plan on drinking every bottle of wine in Italy."

Despite your baking debacle, you left the kitchen, leaving Meg's monstrous creation on the counter along with Ransom. You went into the living room, trying to find the girl in question when you happened to stumble upon Richard. He barely got to say a word before you turned around, and left the pervert behind. It was always a puzzle how Ransom turned out so hot with Richard and Linda as parents.

Climbing the stairs, you heard the family arguing growing quieter with each step. The second floor was almost a safe haven considering Harlan didn't let anyone raise their voice in the upper level, making it the only quiet place in the house, safe from any Thrombey fights. It was a wonder how the family hadn't murdered each other yet; it was only a matter of time.

Unable to find Meg in your shared room, you sighed, patting your body to find your phone only to realize you left it in the kitchen. With Ransom.

"Looking for this?" Ransom held out your phone, coming up behind you. His usual smirk was gone, a small, genuine smile in its place. It made him look less arrogant.

Speak of the devil and he shall appear.

You took your phone back, half expecting him to take it back just as you wrapped your fingers around it. But he didn't. You realized he was pulling out all the stops, all the little things that you found annoying was gone. He was acting. Eyes narrowing, you unlocked your phone, studying him. "Thanks. I think."

"Meg is helping the Brazilian maid." Ransom answered your silent question. Your thumb hovered her contact, going back to the home screen. Your eyebrows had risen by his mis-categorization of Martha's race and employment. "Pretty sure they went to the grocery store or something."

"Oh, okay." you replied lamely, putting your phone in your back pocket, the tight jeans making it nearly impossible. Opening the door to your room, you stepped in, not giving Ransom another look. But he followed inside, making you turn around. "Do you need something?"

Ransom stuffed his hands in his pockets, the cream-colored sweater shifting with the gesture. "You didn't exactly give me much time to prove myself. And looking around, we're all alone. I can't think of a better time."

As much as you hated to admit it, he had a point. The bet was a bit unfair considering how stubborn you were, and the amount of time he had to convince you. But it was a bit unsettling seeing Ransom try so hard, let alone being nice. You nodded, agreeing. "Fine, but can I change first? I'd rather not be covered in flour while you try to seduce me."

"You and I both know I wouldn't seduce you before dinner. There's no way in hell I'd treat you like the others." he mumbled to himself, but you heard it. Clearing his throat, he stepped out of the room. "Yeah, I'll be outside. Waiting. Take your time."

As soon as the door closed, you looked around the room to check if you were being pranked, expecting Ashton Kutcher to burst out of the closet along with a bunch of cameramen. After a few seconds, you came to the conclusion that Supernatural was in this universe, deciding "Ransom" was a shapeshifter or a demon possessed him. It was the only reasonable explanation.

Reaching for the hem of your top, pulling it off in one swift move, dropping it on the bed. Your jeans piling on top, allowing your legs to breathe. Despite Joni's hippie side, she had let Meg sneak in a few joints, the smell becoming stronger as you neared both your suitcases. You didn't think Harlan would be too please to have weed in his house, no matter how lenient he is.

You took your time, a little baffled by what to wear. Ransom hadn't exactly given you an agenda on his plans, leaving you to grab a clean pair of black jeans, and a classy, yet simple, red top. You looked decent enough to fit in a nice restaurant, but casual in case Ransom decided he wanted McDonald's, and most importantly: warm. If he wanted to take you to the North Pole, then he'd have to give you his cozy-looking sweater.

You opened the door, the sight of Ransom rocking on his heels greeting you. His back was to you, his hands inside his pockets as he looked out the window, frost crawling along the edges. It genuinely concerned you how much this man was acting; if you didn't know better, you'd think it was real.

Clearing your throat, you watched him jump in surprise, quickly turning to you. Raising an eyebrow, you tucked your phone in your pocket, meeting his warm, blue eyes. "I'm ready."

"Okay." said Ransom, motioning for you to follow him. You walked down the stairs without a word, the air becoming thick as you walked behind him. The sweater did little to no good disguising his broad shoulders, the muscles somehow still visible under the clothing.

As soon as you reached the bottom, you glanced around, the Thrombey fighting becoming louder with each second. It wouldn't be long before one of them stormed out of the room, muttering a curse under their breath. You'd seen all of them do it at least once. You crossed your arms, wary of whatever Ransom was planning. "Be honest, you're not just going to drive me off to the middle of the woods and murder me, are you?"

Ransom chuckled, giving you a wink as he held his hand out. Without hesitation, you took it. "If I was planning to murder you, I wouldn't do it in the woods. If you're going to die, it's going to be epic."

"Oh, well, that makes me feel better." you sneered sarcastically, instantly rolling your eyes. In the back of your mind, you pondered how long it would take for your eyes to get stuck in your brain with the amount of times you rolled them at Ransom.

He led you towards the door, smirking. "You ready?"

"No. Let's go."

—

"Fuck, baby."

He spent a few moments just staring at your spread pussy, amazed and aching for you more than he ever ached for anything.

"Don't you know why I want you to see it, Ransom?"

Ransom just shook his head without taking his eyes off the your pneumatic body.

"Because it's yours," you sighed. "All yours, baby. You're the one I've been keeping it nice and fresh for."

"Fuck," he muttered.

He kept staring at you, waiting for you to rub you pussy again, but you didn't. You just kept holding it spread.

"Don't you wanna taste me, Ransom?" you purred, barely above a whisper. "C'mon, baby, please. I want you to lick it so bad. I love you so much and I want to give you everything that belongs to you."

The playboy was all but paralyzed by your words. He finally dragged his eyes off your open pussy and looked at your face. You were staring back at him with a glazed look in your eyes. His solid cock was pulsing hard in the tight grip of his fist. No girl had ever looked at him the way you were at that very moment, yet at the same time, he knew you were playing with the hottest kind of fire there was.

"Sweetheart, you know this wasn't the deal." he whispered, distracted.

You smirked. "But you still won."

He finished the thought by leaning down and sliding his tongue up and over your generously offered pussy. You pulled in a sharp gasp when Ransom's tongue lit up your heavily tingling pussy. Your hips rolled instantly in response, your gasps turning to moans while Ransom eagerly slathered his tongue all around your creamily delicious slit. He soon focused his attention on your clit and slipped a finger up inside your hole at the same time.

The man's finger curled and twisted inside you, searching for you g spot while he suckled and lapped at your fully swollen clit. You could barely form words as you gasped and moaned, your luscious body now writhing with desire.

Your pussy oozed heavily the more he licked and fingered you. Your cream was sweet, tangy and intensely intoxicating. Ransom probed at your hole with his finger and the tip of his tongue at the same time, but he soon drew his soaking wet finger out of your hole and wedged it between your ass cheeks, searching for your puckered rimhole.

You gasped deeply and lifted your legs up higher, giving Ransom better access to your asshole. He massaged your tight bud with his honey-coated finger and made deep, hungry love to your pussy with his mouth.

"God god god god, Ransom!" you cried, your hips rolling harder and harder against the man's mouth and finger.

Your body went tense for a few moments and then relaxed. Ransom backed off and watched you languish after your orgasm, pausing briefly to catch your breath. Then you shifted your body and took the hem of your outfit into your hands and peeled it off over your head. Ransom pulled off his T shirt and slid over on top of your luscious body, grinding his rock-hard cock against your pussy as he lowered himself to kiss you.

You whimpered while Ransom's chest mashed down against your heavy, naked tits. They felt amazing against his body, and he was beyond reason when the your mouth opened and set your tongue into motion against his.

Ransom had never kissed any girl so hard or hungrily in his life. Nor had any kissed him back the way you had. At the same time, you were grinding your slick, wet pussy against his cock as hard as he was grinding against you. Then he squeezed his hands in between them and grasped at your tits, kneading them eagerly with his strong hands.

He released your mouth and said," Baby girl, reach down there and put my cock inside you for me. I need that pussy bad, but I can't bring myself to let go of these fantastic tits now that I finally have my hands on them."

You giggled happily and kissed him again while you worked your hands down between your naked bodies. Finally, you got one hand on your pussy and spreading yourself open while you wrapped the other around Ransom's thick cock.

"Oh geezus, fuck, Ransom, you're so fucking hard," you cooed. "Oh god fuck me deep."

You tucked Ransom's cock head into your wet maw and he began grinding his shaft deeper into your sheath. Your pussy felt so tight and creamy, and you both groaned as his rock-hard flesh gradually filled your body. You looked at each other in disbelief, even though nothing had ever felt more right or natural.

Ransom growled as he began to pump his cock in and out of your spectacular body with long strokes. His grip on your tits went tighter and he lowered his head to suck and lick on your swollen nipples.

You whimpered with pleasure, wrapping your legs around his hips and grinding your pussy hard against his thrusting cock. It wasn't long before he was straining to hold on and keep fucking you deep and hard. You didn't make it any easier because of the way you were moaning and your cunt squeezed his pounding cock every time you came.

Finally, Ransom raised himself up on his hands while he pumped your succulent pussy hole as hard and fast as he could, watching your pretty face twist with pleasure while your tits heaved with the force of his lunging body.

"Gimme your cum, baby. I want it in me...fuck!"

With a final, frenzied volley of full body thrusts, Ransom's pulsing cock exploded in your pussy, filling you with a hot flow of jetting spunk.

After, they spent a long time kissing while Ransom caressed the your beautiful tits. He kept his cock buried inside you until his flesh finally started to relax.

You fell asleep in each other's arms, and Ransom knew he had the girl he always needed right there with him. He had been right, all the sarcastic comments and stupid fights had been worth it.

In the morning, Ransom awoke from a haze of dreams to look down and find you lying between his legs with your lips sliding up and down his swollen cock. When you realized he was awake and watching you, you released his big cock from your mouth, giving his shaft a long lick before greeting him.

"Merry Christmas, Ransom."