#i relate to darlene

[holly-mckenzie]

STELLAR (2022) directed and written by Darlene Naponse

[janeyseymour]

Hey so I was wondering if you could do a fic about a Melissa X daughter reader where we start working at the school and nobody catches on that we are Melissa’s daughter and the keep putting the pieces together until they finally get it. Maybe something like where Janine and Jacob go to Melissa’s house for cooking lessons and we are just like there and that’s how they find out. Or alternative idea where we are Melissa’s daughter and we start dating someone from Abbott like Ava or Janine and how that would play out. Sorry that’s a lot. Thanks

Relatively Related

written in the midst of the week before spring break and hoping that it isn't absolute trash :)

WC: ~2.5k

Growing up with Melissa Schemmenti for a mother, you saw what it was like being a teacher. You grew up hearing the horror stories that came with being a teacher in a center city school in Philadelphia, and you knew the horrors of growing up in a different part of Philly and going to that neighborhood school. While she didn’t much mind what you did with your life, she had always thought you would be a good teacher. And when you decided to go to college for education at West Chester University, she knew Abbott would take you in a heartbeat. It didn’t even matter that you were her daughter and she was quite the accredited teacher- West Chester’s name had enough to secure you a job anywhere in Philly that you wanted. You had vehemently denied working at her home away from home for quite some time, and yet here you were, with a bit of nudging from your mother, interviewing to become the new third grade teacher at Abbott Elementary. 

“C’mon, hun,” she had sighed over dinner a few weeks ago. “I think if you would give it a shot, you would like it… I know Abbott ain’t no suburban school, but it’s a hell of a lot better than some of the places you’ve applied.”

“I just don’t want people thinking I got the job because you’re my mom,” you tell her truthfully through a mouthful of ziti.

“Y/N, if you wanted the job, I could get it for you without an interview.”

“Isn’t that essentially what would happen if I applied and checked off that I have family within the district?”you challenge as you raise a brow.

She rolls her eyes. “You act like they actually look at resumes. Please, they’ll take pretty much anyone who has a pulse and a certification… how you think I got stuck with Darlene as a part of my team?”

“I guess.”

“And besides, you have your father’s last name… how are they gonna know you’re my daughter if you don’t have my last name?”

You have to admit, she’s right. So you send in your resume. And two days later, you receive an email saying that they’d like to see you for an interview. 

Your interview is practically a joke, and you’re offered a job on the spot. That night, Melissa and her work wife Barbara take you out for dinner.

“To Abbott’s newest member of the team,” Barbara makes a toast to you. “May it take you far in life.”

That was three years ago, and since then a lot has changed. A new principal has come in, there’s been a massive turnover in teachers, and you find yourself as a first grade teacher now. The only thing that hasn’t changed? The only one who knows you’re true identity at the school besides you and your mother is that Melissa Schemmenti is your mother. 

This year, a few new teachers start: Jacob Hill as the eighth grade social studies teacher, and Janine Teagues as the other second grade teacher.

And as much as your mother loves to rip on new coworkers of yours, you find yourself quite drawn to both of them. Sure, they’re a little nosey and love to hear all of the new gossip and find all of the deep secrets that are hidden in the walls of this old bomb shelter turned elementary school, but you like them. They haven’t found you out, not that you or Melissa really care, but it’s quite nice to have that little bubble around the two of you. 

They’ve come close though. Like the time that it came about that you share a name with Melissa’s daughter- who at this point they’re starting to believe doesn’t exist with the lack of pictures or stories.

“I’m telling you, I have a daughter,” Melissa rolls her eyes as she taps away at her phone. “I’m texting her right now.”

That is true- she is indeed texting you. Sure, she’s just texting you to tell you that you need to pick up lentils on the way home, but she isn’t lying to them.

“Show us.”

The redhead rolls her eyes, but she shows the two of them your conversation. “See? I’m just telling her she needs to pick up lentils if she wants me to make dinner tonight.”

Jacob’s brow raises as he catches the name at the top of the screen. “That’s odd… your daughter shares the same name with Y/N!”

“Well that would make sense,” your mother sighs, and you know she’s about to just out the two of you.

“It’s not like my name’s uncommon,” you jump in quietly. “I mean… really. Y/N. Not the most unique name in the world.”

Barbara raises a brow in your direction, and you give her a pleading look. “She’s right,” is all your mother’s work wife says. 

That seems to stop the conversation for now, but the adrenaline rushing through your bones doesn’t quit until you safely pull into your driveway that day- lentils in hand.

“I’m home, Ma,” you call as you open the front door. Her head pokes out from the kitchen. “And yes I got the lentils.”

“Good,” is all she says before heading back into the kitchen. You follow in her direction and set them next to her before picking up the glass of wine she’s already poured for you and sipping on it.

“Aye,” she clicks her tongue. “No hello? No ‘how was your day?’”

“I saw your forty minutes ago,” you snort.

“An’ a lot coulda happened in forty minutes,” she replies. When you raise your brow at her, she sighs. “Okay, so in that forty minutes I drove home, changed into my lounge clothes, and started dinner… but I was also thinkin’-”

“That’s dangerous,” you quip. At the look she gives you, you raise your hands in surrender. You might be a grown woman, but Melissa Schemmenti was still your mother. 

“I was thinkin’… you reacted kinda weird when I went to say that you were my daughter.”

You shrug. “I just don’t see why it’s anyone’s business but ours.”

“There’s gotta be more to it than that, hun,” she says as she stirs in the lentils.

“Jus’ don’t want anyone thinkin’ I’m some sorta nepo baby,” you sigh. “I got this job on my own, an’ I don’t need shit from the Abbott crew.”

“They ain’t gonna give you shit, ‘specially once they know you’re mine, and I know a guy,” she laughs,

“Little do they know, half the time, I’m your guy,” you tease her.

“Well, if that’s what it is, that’s fine. I won’t say nothin’.”

“Thanks Ma,” you smile as you kiss her cheek. “I got some grading to do, so if you have anything that needs graded, just put it next to my stack.”

As time goes on, the group starts to catch on a bit more… like:

The fact that you’re just as good a cook as your mother. You’re always bringing in new things in your Tupperware containers- that just so happen to match Melissa’s… because they came from the same house. You quickly cover that one up with a roll of your eyes and a, “So we both shop at Marshalls, the containers ain’t that special.”

Or when you manage to get pink eye from one of your kids, and Janine notices that you have the same emerald eyes as your mother. “Green eyes aren’t as rare as you think, Janine,” you huff as you grab your lunch from the fridge before leaving for the day.

There’s the instance where you’re getting fiercely protective of your students as one of the teachers from Addington makes their way over to flaunt the fact that they have more resources down the street, and you fold your arms over your chest and square up with the woman in true Schemmenti fashion. That time, Gregory takes notice, but he’s new at this point, and you just roll your eyes as you storm away down to your mother’s room to rant. 

But no one ever really finds out. Not until…

“Kid, I’m having some people over for dinner tonight,” your mother tells you. “You joining?”

“Nah, I have some grading and prepping to get done tonight if I can,” you say. “But can you save me a bowl?”

“For a price,” she smirks.

“Hand me your spelling tests I know you’ve been stalling on grading,” you chuckle. She just points to her bag, and you go and pull them out before heading up to your room. “Have fun with your friends tonight. Love you, Ma.”

“Love you too, you little shit,” she calls back lovingly.

You’ve spent hours grading papers, and now you’re pouring over your lesson plans for the next week. You realize that you should probably do a craft that has to do with the upcoming holidays, and you find a few cute ones online. You know that you and your mother have a plethora of crafting supplies in the basement- you just don’t know what of. So, you start to make your way down the steps when you hear two very familiar voices: Jacob’s and Janine’s.

Knowing though that if you don’t go and look in the basement now, you never will and will just end up buying all new supplies and adding to the ridiculous amount of pipe cleaners and glitter glue you have stashed away.

You make your way through the kitchen. The three of them seem to be deep in a cooking lesson while also snacking on a few of the things your mother had already whipped up and don’t have a clue you’re walking through.

“You need any crafting supplies while I head down and see what we have?” you casually ask your mother as you pass.

You stop to watch as your two coworkers’ heads whip around in a near comical unison, mouths dropped in shock.

“Y/N?”

“Hey,” you give a half-committed wave. 

“What are you doing here?” Janine asks.

You furrow a brow and fold your arms over your chest. “I live here?”

“You live with Melissa?” Jacob gasps.

“Yeah? She’s my mom?”

“She’s your-“ Janine points a finger at you before turning around and looking at Melissa. “You’re her-”

“I told you guys I had a daughter, that she wasn’t fake,” your mom smirks. “You believe me now?”

“How did we never know?!” Jacob admonishes.

“Well, for starters: I don’t have the Schemmenti last name. Secondly, who’s business is it to know who my mother is?” you quip. “You know how private the Schemmenti family can be.”

They both look beyond shocked. “Well, why don’t you join us?”

“I really do have to go check for pipe cleaners and paper plates, and I know how to cook,” you laugh. “But I’ll see y’all tomorrow.”

You head down the steps, and you hear your mother call, “The big jawns!”

“That’s what I figured, Ma!”

“What the hell?” Jacob whips around to your mother, and you laugh because you know she’s about to get grilled on the fact that you were indeed her ‘secret’ daughter.

You find what you need before heading back up the steps and for your room. “Have a good night y’all!”

The next morning, you’re sitting in the lounge sipping your coffee and sulking over the fact that you forgot your lunch on the counter this morning. Luckily for you, your mother brings it with her when she sees that you left it on the counter. She slips it into the staff fridge before sending you a text that it’s there. She preps her coffee and settles in next to you to grade a few more papers before everyone else stars trickling in to watch the news.

“Uh, hello?” Jacob questions when he walks in and everyone else is here now too. “Are we not going to talk about this?”

“Talk about what?” you and your mother ask at the same time.

“You two!” He gestures wildly between the two of you. “That you guys are related!”

“You two are related?” Gregory asks with a brow lifted.

“Uh, yeah!” Janine tells him.

“How do you know?”

“She told us last night when she called Melissa ‘Ma’!”

“Why didn’t any of us know this?” Jacob continues on.

“Know what?” Ava asks as she comes waltzing into the lounge to grab a coffee.

“That Melissa is Y/N’s mother!”

“I knew,” Barb states with a smirk on her face.

“Oh, damn! I was starting to think Melissa being a milf was just a rumor. I am happy to find out that it is entirely the truth,” the principal grins. “Greg, grab me a tea bag so I can sip on this tea!”

“There isn’t any tea, Ava,” you roll your eyes. “Yes, Melissa is my mom, but it really ain’t that big a deal.”

“Oh, it definitely is! Why were you so secretive about it?! Hmm?” Jacob asks as he sits next to you.

You shimmy away from him just slightly with a huff. “Because nobody needs to know a Schemmenti’s business except a Schemmenti. And, I didn’t want nobody thinking I got this job because of who I’m related to.”

“Y/N, please. You’re good at what you do, hun! You could get this job without the Schemmenti name, and you did!” Your mother cuts in and jostles you slightly.

“I also didn’t want to hear you-“ you look to Ava. “-calling my mother a milf more than I already do.”

“She is! And now that I see the two of you next to each other, I definitely see where your future is heading too!”

“Ava!” You, your mother, and the rest of the group scold.

The principal just shrugs. “Jus’ sayin’ the truth. Bye, y’all.”

Once she’s gone, you’re bombarded with questions. What’s it like having Melissa for a mother? Is your father really as bad as your mother makes him out to be? What was it like growing up? If you saw the horrors of Abbott, why did you work here? What were you like as a child?

“Enough,” you finally groan. “This is why I didn’t want people knowin’. I may be Melissa’s daughter, but-”

“Isn’t it weird calling your mom by her first name?” Jacob cuts you off.

“I’ve been yelling her first name since I was fourteen and realized she didn’t always respond to Mom or Ma, but always Melissa,” you reveal. “Now: she may be my mom, but I’m still a damn good teacher who got this position on my own volition. And y’all better stop asking these questions, or I know a guy.”

“And I’m the guy,” you mother states proudly, a proud grin on her face.

“No you ain’t. Uncle Vin is my guy.”

“While we’re at it,” Melissa sighs. “Stop asking me to get weed from my guy and just ask Y/N instead. She’s my guy for that.”

[alliluyevas]

Overall, the bluest names with at least 5,000 major-party voters are Imani, Latoya and Tamika for women and Jermaine, Darnell and Malik for men. On the other side of the political divide, we find Brayden, Colton and Tanner for Republican men and Darla, Misty and — ironically for the party of Lincoln —Dixie for women. Incredibly, some names switch parties depending on whether you give them to a boy or a girl. Most women named Laverne are Democrats, while most male Lavernes register Republican. Tyler, Dylan and Toby see similar splits. Jean and Shelly swing in the opposite direction: A female Jean is more than twice as likely to register Republican as a male Jean would be. The politics of a name also depend on the era in which it was chosen. For older Democrats of both genders, Willie is one of the bluest names, as are Roosevelt (for men) and Hyacinth and Queen for women. For younger women, the equivalent names would be Imani and Ayanna. For younger men, they’re Malik and Jermaine.

For young Republican men, the most partisan names are Brock or Colton, while their retirement-age friends see a strong rightward lean when they meet a Galen or a Brent. For Republican women, young Gracie and Bailee give way to older Leann and Jolene. A select few names have also changed their political polarity over time. The most obvious? If you meet a woman named Reagan age 45 or older, when the name was rather rare, she’s probably a Democrat. If you meet a Reagan age 44 or younger — and therefore born after GOP phenomenon Ronald Reagan won the 1980 presidential election — she’s much more likely to register Republican. More often, though, the trend runs in the opposite direction: Older folks register Republican more often than their younger buddies with the very same name, presumably because younger voters lean left. We see old Republicans and young Democrats all named Terrell, Dwayne and Darrell — names that further analysis shows either belong to younger Black men or older White ones. We also see that pattern with women’s names that lost popularity among White people: Janet, Darlene and Karla have grown more Democratic as they’ve grown more Hispanic. Similarly, Joy has moved left as it has been adopted by more Black women, and Kathy followed suit as its popularity grew among their Asian and Hispanic friends. Among women, only Mattie and Gracie shift left among older voters. Further analysis shows both tend to belong either to older Black women or younger White ones. For men, we see the same trend in Old Testament favorites such as Levi and Seth. In perhaps related news, the most common surname for a Seth in his 5os or 60s, when they lean left, is “Cohen.” The top surname for a Seth in his 20s or 30s, when they lean right, is “Johnson.”

this is very interesting. I'm assuming that most female Jeans are old white women and male Jeans are likely Haitian or from French-speaking African countries. Hyacinth is also interesting as it's an extremely uncommon name in general and I don't think associated with any particular ethnic group.

[pinkeoni]

Joyce’s Aunt Darlene

In season one, we get a throwaway line from Lonnie regarding Joyce’s Aunt Darlene—

We don’t hear a lot about her specifically, but there’s a lot of context clues that actually tell us a lot about her.

This line comes up when Joyce and Lonnie are discussing how Joyce has been seeing and feeling Will, which Lonnie remarks is all in her head.

When Lonnie compares her situation to Aunt Darlene, Joyce becomes defensive. I’m not like her.

Lonnie’s solution to Joyce’s situation is to see a therapist, or even, religious intervention.

So here’s what we know about Aunt Darlene given the context in the scene:

Joyce has an Aunt Darlene who used to see things that weren’t there and had delusions.

They both talk about her in the past tense, indicating that she might not be around anymore

Neither Lonnie nor Joyce speak about her with a particular fondness

The solution to Darlene’s situation was either handled with doctors and/or a pastor

Now, it’s possible that Darlene just has a mental illness, and Lonnie brings her up as a point of contrast to the audience between them, Joyce is not like Darlene.

Unless, Darlene’s mention here is actually supposed to be a point of comparison, in which this line could point to Darlene:

I mean, with how this show works, I think it’s fair to question if there’s more behind Aunt Darlene.

Where is Aunt Darlene?

I’m gonna answer this question first because I think it will lead well into everything else.

We know that Darlene was likely diagnosed with some kind of mentall illness, likely schizophrenia if she was seeing things that no one else was seeing. It’s possible that Darlene is just living somewhere at home, but especially in the 80’s when mental illness was a lot more stigmatized, I’m wondering if she was institutionalized. I did point out earlier that Lonnie and Joyce speak about her in the past tense, as if she isn’t around anymore.

What mental hospital is mentioned earlier in the same season? And then gets brought back in season four?

I think Aunt Darlene might be in Pennhurst.

Here’s what I’m thinking: Aunt Darlene either witnessed something regarding the Upside Down, and/or she has powers.

I think about this line from season two regarding Will’s true sight visions:

“Let’s see if he’s a wizard or a schizo.”

Another point in season two is a line thrown in about El’s “Crazy great aunt Shirley,” and El being a character who we know for a fact has powers.

If powers are passed down genetically, it would make sense for some of her family to have some. Aunt Shirley was probably in the same boat as Aunt Darlene, and their abilities of sight was misinterpreted as mental illness.

Right now what I’m thinking is that Darlene either had a true sight ability similar to Will, and/or she was able to see into the future. Whatever power she has is definitely related to sight. I think too about this line spoken by Will in season three:

If that isn’t the biggest “I have prophetic powers” indicator then I don’t know what is.

I’m honestly leaning more in the camp of her having powers, but if she’s being compared to Joyce, it would also make sense if she only witnessed something related to it, and was called crazy because no one believed her.

This would reflect Victor Creel’s situation pretty well. He was witnessing something supernatural of he was seen as a paranoid schizophrenic by others. The earlier reference to religious intervention makes me think of Victor as well. I know that Lonnie meant Joyce should just talk to the pastor and not have an exorcism done, but the small mention still draws a connection. It’s possible that whatever Darlene was seeing could have been misinterpreted as divine hallucinations.

If she does have powers, I think it likely that HNL would know about her. I’m still working on a post that talks about the possible connection between HNL and Pennhurst, but I think Victor’s residency in Pennhurst is enough to see a possible connection between both institutes.

So here’s what I think happened to Darlene (Maldonado?):

Darlene was either seeing something with her powers, and/or she witnessed something supernatural that no one else saw

She was misdiagnosed with schizophrenia and sent to Pennhurst

It’s possible she might have been dangerous similar to Victor, or possibly percieved as such

She likely still resides at Pennhurst

I think it might be possible that we might even see Darlene in season 5.

This is just theoretical, but especially it both her and Will have powers, I could see him meeting her and learning more about where his powers come from as a likely possibility, or another character visiting her in Pennhurst and learning more from her. She wouldn’t have a whole storyline, probably just a cameo in one episode.

tagging: @heroesbyler

[desolatecare]

Hello! Sorry for being gone for awhile but I’m sorta back?

I drew Chihiro from Spirited Away for my grandma, who is dying from Stage 4 Liver Disease.

Things have been hard on me and my family due to what’s going on, and it has caused me to become very stressed and depressed over the situation. Especially since my grandma was with me for most of my life and she means a lot to me.

My aunt currently has a GoFundMe for my Grandma’s Funeral Costs, I’d appreciate if you could possibly donate but if not, it’s fine and I totally understand.

GoFundMe link: https://www.gofundme.com/f/cynthia-abraham?utm_campaign=p_cp+share-sheet&utm_medium=sms&utm_source=customer

I’m planning on possibly drawing more Spirited Away-related things but due to how things have been and low motivation time to time I don’t know if I’d be able to get to it, but I’ll try.

[absolutelyflabbergasted]

so I didn’t like wolfstar for like. A while. And I reasoned with this like “oh it’s because he’s an ass to reg” reg is an ass back, what’s ur point

and then I was like, oh I relate to Sirius a lot, actually. I still don’t like wolfstar tho??

And I was so confused, cause I don’t get the aro ick usually, not with Rosekiller or Darlene or Jegulus.

Then I got it with Marylily too, and I was like ohhhhh.

I relate to Sirius and Lily too much, and tend to accidentally insert myself into their situations because I reenact fanfics in my dreams sometimes.

and the ick I get with them is the same ick I got when I tried dating someone for like a month in the 8th grade.

Like I tried reading atyd and presque vu and I was like hmmmmm why do I dislike this, because you are being silly and delusional in a bad way for your own happiness

[misscammiedawn]

I wanted to say thanks for that write up on the depiction of DID and Mr. Robot! You said everything that's been burning in my head for years now after watching. Hearing another system's thoughts on it was something we've been looking for.

Part of our inner world is also part of the NHM in London lol.

Truly and sincerely thank you.

First off, I am delighted to know that we're not alone in having the Natural History Museum as host to a segment of inner world. Would love to know which exhibit/area you see when you visit, though no obligation to respond. We know that these things can be deeply personal.

The show may not strike with every system but no two plural folx are going to have the same connections and attachments and comforts and that's 100% okay. For those who share our affection for Mr. Robot I am glad you get to enjoy the show and our ramblings on it.

Wishing you and your system well and thank you again for the ask. You've no idea how much feedback comforts and encourages.

Asks are always open.

-

Post the asker is referring to in the question, btw:

Also... have some random rambles about Mr. Robot in a readmore, because I feel like typing a bunch.

-

Also, because it gives us an opening to talk about it. Have some random Robot thoughts:

Mr. Robot is and remains my favorite show. I had started typing "our" favorite and got a sharp rejection so shall use singular pronouns. It has its issues, the use of the term "real" for instance, but with good faith a lot of it can vanish. Not all. But most.

I've been thinking about things a lot more since writing the essay and there are things I wish I had spent longer discussing. For instance during the portion where I wrote about how Coney Island represents a safety in nostalgia, a fortress for the Alderson siblings to hide in their treasured childhood memories; I didn't mention that both Trenton and Mobley use their own nostalgia as their hacker aliases with Trenton being where she lived when young and DJ Mobley clearly being someone Mobley found joy in at a younger age.

Similarly Hot Carla's name is selected because of a hair dresser who validated her gender identity and sheltered her when her parents were abusive. Whiterose's hacker alias is the last moment her life could have been the "good future" that she envisioned and worked so hard to force into reality.

I do like that pretty much every character who has an alias picks their alias as an identity forged in positive memories. Elliot clearly did with Mr. Robot being the store where he and his dad were friends and his other alias (The Gentleman) is a reference to The Careful Massacre of the Bourgeoisie, a movie he and Darlene watched every year that became the entire iconography for the fsociety movement.

If I were to ever do another Mr. Robot essay I think it would be on the way each character insists on living in the past in order to escape their present and how that relates to the way trauma invades the present. Not going to promise that, though. We're already snowed under with our Loop and Beatrice essays.

I think that can be one of the big failings of the show, actually, especially for those watching it as it aired. The show is deeply ingrained in the perspectives of characters who have critically distorted beliefs on reality and the show doesn't really start laying down objective reality until late season 3 after the cyber bombings.

Someone watching the show for the first time can watch Elliot's edgelord rants about "Fuck Society" and think that the show believes these things rather than its main character and we do not get the show delivering the message that it's small minded and childish (which, given that Elliot is stuck in trauma time and perpetually reliving a horrifically abusive childhood he cannot fully understand because he won't allow himself to remember clearly, is exactly what he is) until Irving and Price each spell it out to Mr. Robot in S3E7/9 or Whiterose outright calls Elliot on it in their final confrontation.

I adore the show for its patience and how it tells such an emotional and complicated story over its 45 hour runtime but I do understand people watching the first hour, getting the wrong idea about where the journey is going and opting out.

Hell I understand a system going in for DID representation and not having the patience to stick around the show's Fight Club pastiche era before starting to get to the meat of things.

But hey. I gave the show a shot and can't go back now. I love it too darned much.

Also because I don't want to start another thread on it, I do want to say that the show is truly frustrating in how it depicts economic collapse for society and yet none of the characters are ever impacted by it.

Darlene is homeless throughout the show, spare her stint living in an FBI safe house and she has no job through the show's run. She is never hurting for money, even when the banking system of the world collapses. She likely is stealing but it's frustrating that we only hear about the financial ruin in the periphery. We learn of the eviction of Elliot's neighbors spare for the kind older man who takes care of Flipper but Elliot himself can buy entire new computers on a whim and go months between jobs or spend a season in prison and not be impacted.

Like the show depicts the world going into a major decline during the economic crisis and it's clear by Season 4 that the show is venting frustration that when the banking system failed in 2008 the ones responsible were not harmed at all and it was the public who suffered and things just went back to how it was in time; it's just... every character is living comfortably in New York and Darlene is the closest we have to a "poor" character.

But that's a rant we have on every show. Poverty doesn't really exist in television. You watch a show like Ted Lasso and everyone is a millionaire. Even the Kit Manager (Nate, not Will) has parents who own a home, sent him to higher education and gave him private violin lessons. Kit Manager salary is about £25-50 per year, even for a Premier League Team.

...but my discomfort with how poverty is never represented on TV is just a random rant and I'm going way off topic.

I'll stop rambling now.

[roboticchibitan]

Okay SO I am considering covering Mr D (the Kenmore sewing machine will hereafter be referred to as Mr D, short for Mister Darlene) in sewing related stickers cuz if I ever need to remove them I don't have to worry about like sticker removal techniques ruining the outer shell cuz it's not made of plastic! So if you know any indie artists that have sewing related stickers, send me a DM or reblog with a link (bonus points for reblogs cuz then i can promote artists on the post!)

So far I have this sheet of sewing themed stickers from my friend Katie who I would tag except tumblr isn't letting me tag anyone rn but her URL is @tundrakatiebeanart. This sticker sheet is available for $9 and you can get just the stork embroidery scissors sticker for $3 here

[allthecanadianpolitics]

A growing number of patients who request medical assistance in dying are asking to donate their organs for transplant, says an international review that found that Canada is performing the most organ transplants from MAID patients among the four countries studied that offer this practice.

The report is the first-ever review of the growing use of this new practice around the world. The review was conducted in 2021 and the results were formally published in December 2022.

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“We saw everyone is working in different directions. And then we said ‘OK, well, let's start an international (discussion) of all the countries involved,’” said Dr. Johannes Mulder, a physician and MAID provider in Zwolle, Netherlands, in an interview with CTV News.

Data collected for the paper shows that in Canada, Belgium, the Netherlands and Spain, combined, 286 assisted-death recipients provide lifesaving organs for transplant to 837 patients in the years up to and including 2021.

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Doctors in Canada, where medical assistance in dying (MAID) was decriminalized in 2016, performed almost half of the world’s organ transplants after MAID for that period (136), according to the publication.

Data from the Canadian Institute for Health Information confirms this new source of transplant organs accounted accounts for six per cent of all transplants from deceased donors in Canada in 2021. Some transplants, like those for kidneys and livers, can be done with patients who are alive.

“I was rather proud that Canada has done so well in terms of organ donation by MAID patients,” said Arthur Schafer, director of the Centre for Professional and Applied Ethics at the University of Manitoba, in an interview with CTV News.

With more than 4,000 Canadians waiting for organ transplants, some of whom are dying, he says Canada’s numbers show a strong move to turn death into a win-win.

“So I say, 'Good on us.' It’s a wonderful opportunity for someone facing death to make something significant out of the end of their life,” said Schafer.

PATIENT-DRIVEN TREND

The international review on this new practice has been overwhelmingly driven by patients who are suffering from irreversible degenerative diseases, like amyotrophic lateral sclerosis (ALS) and Parkinson’s.

“If this body has deserted me, I could do something good,” is how Mulder says patients frame their decision.

Canadian ALS patient Sharron Demchuk donated her kidneys and lungs after her medically assisted death in September of 2021. Her family says she herself pushed her doctors to consider a way she could help people after she died, becoming the first in New Brunswick to do so.

“She kept doing follow-ups, kept pushing and even though she wasn’t able to speak, she would make notes for my dad. ‘Here’s what I want you to ask them. Here’s what I want you to say,’” her daughter, Darlene Demchuk, told CTV News last year.

One of the goals of the international report, says Mulder, was to share information openly on how countries are managing this controversial and evolving new practice, including the tricky ethical and logistical issues of consent from vulnerable patients.

“What should you do, or what should what shouldn't you do? And how to keep the whole project completely voluntary,” he said of some of the concerns, noting that patients should never be pressured to choose MAID to increase the availability of donor organs.

That is a worry shared by Trudo Lemmens, a professor in health law and policy at the University of Toronto.

He points to statistics showing more than 35 per cent of Canadians who died by MAID in 2021 felt they were "a burden on family, friends or caregivers” according to a Health Canada report.

“I am concerned that people who struggle with a lack of self-esteem and self-worth may be pushed to see this as an opportunity to mean something,” said Lemmens in an email comment to CTV News.

With other countries like Australia eyeing medical assistance in dying along with organ donations, Mulder says public trust in this new medical practice must be developed and maintained.

“That’s why guidelines are necessary and should also be strict,”’ the doctor said.

[antigonenikk]

in love with a dying man

pairing: eugene sledge/merriell ‘snafu’ shelton; eugene sledge/elliot alderson

fandom: the pacific, mr. robot

tags: modern au, mr robot fusion, drug addiction, attempted suicide, dissociative identity disorder, hurt/no comfort

summary: eugene’s life is going great. he’s teaching multiple classes. his thesis is on track. he doesn’t miss elliot at all. then he gets a call that elliot has fallen off of the fucking coney island pier.

He gets the call at two in the morning. For a second, he doesn’t move. Just shoves his head further beneath his pillow. His neighbors were up blasting house music until four AM, and Eugene is desperate to get at least five hours of sleep before he has to give his 11AM lecture to a room of 60 undergrads who are only taking Intro to Biochemistry as a means to an end. The class is torture, his least favorite to teach. Nothing at all related to botany. But with so few graduate students at Tulane, the ones that are willing to work overtime, like Eugene, have been assigned classes beyond their specific specialties. He reaches his arm out for a moment, expecting to find a warm body next to him in that hazy state between sleep and wakefulness, and can’t help the deep pit of despair that comes from finding only empty air instead. A year ago, Elliot would have been sleeping beside him, rolled into a small ball. Or he would have been sat up by his computer, typing furiously. Or chain smoking on the balcony. Or staring at Eugene as he slept, wide light eyes shining eerily in the backlit room. The point was, he would have been there. Here. And now he just wasn’t.

He picks up the phone, and holds it away from his ear to try and make out what’s going on. Because the voice at the other end of the line should not be calling him.

“Gene. Thank god.”

“Darlene?”

He hasn’t seen her in a year and a half. Since she visited them for Thanksgiving, somehow ate four edibles, and ended up sprawled out on their couch claiming that the sky was actually just fake—an illusion. That they were actually all just fish living inside of a glass bowl painted like the sky. Elliot had laughed at her, and told her she was remembering that stupid movie Chicken Little, that the three of them had gone to see the day before for purely ironic purposes. Just like the three of them had gone to eat at Margheritaville two nights before, for purely ironic reasons of course. Eugene had watched from the kitchen, feeling deeply fond towards the two of them, and the way they were able to laugh together. It had been years since he had laughed with his own brother.

Before shipping off to bootcamp, maybe. Before him and Elliot had come out as a couple and Edward declared Eugene dead to him. Probably even earlier than that.

“Darlene. What’s wrong?”

Because something has to be wrong. And Eugene knows what it must be. Eugene saw it when Elliot refused to stop using, when his eyes grew more and more sallow after his mom’s death. Saw the glimmer of a life coming to a close. Saw it in the hidden foils stashed in empty canisters of Kodiak chew, needles taped to the tank of their toiletbowl. He had fought and screamed and wrecked his life trying to stop the inevitable, before he finally let go. He knew this day was going to come. A call that would tell him that the only person he had ever truly loved was dead. And there was nothing he could have done to stop it. Because Elliot always chose the morphine over Eugene. Always, always, always.

“It’s Elliot—“

Eugene’s heart stops and starts and stops again and the world goes quiet.

“He…he fell off the pier. At Coney Island. I…I don’t know what’s going on. The doctors won’t let me see him because you’re his emergency contact still. Please—“

She breaks off sobbing. Eugene sprints out of bed, pulling on a sweatshirt and jeans and a pair of boots, no time for socks, he can’t find his socks. He realizes he’s dropped the phone and picks it up, panic coursing through him.

“I’ll be there. Give me a few hours. I gotta—just give me half a day to get up there.”

“Okay.”

She’s quiet when she says it. Scared. He remembers she’s two years younger than him, and frightened out of her mind, and all alone.

“It’s going to be okay. Alright? Everything is going to be okay. Just sit tight and let me know if anything else happens. I’m coming to you right now.”

They both know it’s a lie. But she sounds grateful to hear it. Eugene takes her quiet sigh and stores it away as a source for his determination. He’s beat himself up against the wall that is Elliot Alderson’s slowly protracted suicide before. He’s willing to do it again. He’ll be willing to do it until the day he dies.

———-

The easiest thing to do is take a flight. Eugene sits first in the back of the Uber. Then in the flight terminal. Then on the plane itself waiting for takeoff. He feels like he did the day before him and Snaf—Elliot—first shipped out for their second tour in Baghdad. Sweaty and still. Like his heart is beating so loud it’s drowned out his ability to move at all. At that point it hadn’t been a game any more. He knew what he was getting into. He knew what it meant. Knew there was no choice. The only way out, once you were on that plane, strapped in, was through. He remembers Snaf puking on his shoes, grim and shaking, and Bill giving him shit for it. He had cradled the back of his buzzcut, the small soft hairs there at the nape of Elliot’s neck, and let the clammy feel of his skin calm him. As the ground beneath him shakes and he rises into the air again he can still feel the phantom sensation of warm skin on his palm. He doesn’t try to wipe it off.

———-

The hospital is worn down and desolate under the fluorescent lights. Darlene looks small, scared and young and out of her depth. Her makeup is smudged. Eugene realizes suddenly that he didn’t bring a change of clothes for when this is all over. Whatever it is that this ends up being.

He holds her in his arms without saying anything, and feels the tension collapse out of her. Running his hand through her hair, which is so unlike Elliot’s.

He fell. Almost. Only once. After they got home. Eugene remembers waking up in the middle of the night to Elliot on the balcony of their apartment, legs hanging over the railings, a faraway look in his eyes. The kind he got when he turned inwards. And mean. When he said “Elliot isn’t here right now, boy.” Like that meant anything. For hours he would brood like that, refusing to answer any questions. It was better than the opposite, better than the mask that was Snafu, casual cruelty stripping dead Afghani corpses for cigarettes. Better than the manic ramblings about the state of society and how if they just worked together they could fix it, really, Eugene!

Eugene remembers the sheer terror he felt grabbing him back, pulling him down beneath him like they were under flak. Remembers screaming, why why why? He remembers placing his hands on Elliot’s blank face, looking for any sort of answer.

“He thinks his father pushed him out the window. I wanted to show him what really happened. But he’s not ready yet.”

He had said it later, to the wall, when he thought Eugene had fallen asleep. The He in question would become clear weeks later. If Eugene had done something then. Involuntarily committed him, maybe. But that would have just been speeding up the inevitable.

————

When he gets to Elliot’s room he sees two women already there. One he recognizes as Angela. They lock eyes before he turns to the other woman. She looks confused to see him there. Anything to avoid the bed, and the form inside of it who looks so small and frail. A breakable sparrow that has been pushed too far from the nest. If only—he could have done more. For Elliot. If only he had done more. Tried harder. This time he will. The nurses say he’ll wake up soon. Maybe they can fix things. Start over. Back to when it was easy to be in love. Back when it felt less like a leash and more like the ultimate freedom.

“Hello ma’am.”

She shakes his hand.

“Hello…?”

“Eugene Sledge.”

She still looks confused. She can’t be Elliot’s girlfriend. That would be…

Who is she?

“I’m Mr. Alderson’s therapist.”

Hope springs, even when he knows it’s fucking stupid to hope for any sort of real change. He’s seeing a therapist. He’s getting help. Maybe they really can make this work. All he has to do is wait for Elliot to wake up. And he’ll say it. How much he misses him. How they can go back together, to New Orleans. They can find him help there. A program, an NA group. Or they can commute even. Long distance. Eugene would do anything. He could even move here maybe, when his thesis is presented next Spring. There’s loads of research opportunities in New York.

———

Elliot wakes up in starts and stops. His eyes, large and wonderful and bleary, look around the room. They pass by Eugene. Darlene went home two hours ago to get some sleep. They pass by her empty seat. They land on Angela and the therapist.

He feels like an intruder as they gush over him. Handing him water and worrying about his fall. His jump. To think that once he knew Elliot better than any person in the entire world. Knew him down the very marrow of his soul. And now… now. Elliot turns to him, finally. And Eugene holds his breath. Going on 20 hours with no sleep and no food he feels like he might pass out. The green eyes that he has loved past the point of reason, past the point of distraction, stare straight through him.

“Who is he?”

Distantly, he can hear Angela’s quiet gasp. Who is he? Why is he here? Three years. One in bootcamp. Two in Afghanistan. One and a half back stateside. Who is he anymore, to Elliot?

The first night in their newly rented apartment, they had no mattress. Elliot joked that it wasn’t that big of a change from deployment. They had drunk cheap cherry flavored vodka, passed back and forth, and played cards. Curled around each other, later, skin to skin. Elliot had whispered in his ear, “You are the only good thing that ever happened to me.” He was smiling, crying silent tears. Eugene had never seen him cry before that night. Eugene had kissed his temple and whispered back that he was never going to leave. Never. It was forever, what they had.

Eugene can taste salt water on his tongue. What is he now? Stranger, cut down the middle, rocked open again bleeding out. He keeps trying like a dog, coming when called, throwing himself at the wall. The wall that will never bend nor break nor crack. Not for him. Not for anything. He gets up and walks out of the room with measured steps. The kind you take when you do not exist. He hides himself away between two vending machines, curls into a ball, and sobs so violently he feels like he might be sick.

[yandere-fics]

Darlene Roberts

♡ "Hey! I really appreciate you coming by to study. Just ignore my dorm mates, I don't know why they said that, although I do agree, we would make a pretty cute couple." ♡

She's the type of yandere to pull the strings behind the scenes. She'll wait until it's the perfect moment to pounce. She'll tell everyone around you about how much she loves you, convincing everyone that she's just so sad that she can't work up the courage to approach you and tell her your feelings. She'll wait until for months everyone has been telling you how you and Darla would be a perfect couple and once your resolve is low, she'll pounce. She'll make you feel too bad for this cute college girl to ever even consider leaving her. She'll even have her sisters do the dirty work for her, which they're all too happy to do, after all their baby sister rarely asks for anything.

♡ "It's Darlene Roberts, hmm? Oh me and my sisters have a different surname? I never paid much attention to those things." ♡

She is the product of an affair her mother had with a different man, they couldn't exactly hide her since everyone was aware the mother was pregnant so they pretended she was both of theirs for 18 years before they paid her to get the hell out and pretend that she was never related to them. She didn't receive much love as a child as a product of the affair and while her sisters adore her, they weren't allowed to spend as much time with the sinner child. She have her mother's maiden name since they always intended to send her away at 18.

♡ "I'm 20, I know I'm kind of the baby. Please don't tease me about it." ♡

She loves being the youngest of the sisters who have left the family, it pretty much gets her anything she wants. Especially you, it's so easy to push on your boundaries with how cute and unfamiliar with the world outside her family she is.

♡ "I like women... uhm why are you asking? You're not interested in me, are you?" ♡

Lesbian.

♡ "Uhm I don't have a job currently, I'm just focused on my schooling, but if you need anything then I'm sure I can ask my sisters, I'm sure it's fine. We could even get front row seats to a concert if you wanted to go with me. Please?" ♡

She's already ordering the tickets. You'll owe her after this date and maybe then she can break down into tears if you tell her that you aren't interested in her. What do you mean? Are you just taking advantage of her money? If you aren't then surely you should also love her. She'll ask her sisters for money any time she needs to get you a gift. Her goal is to become a professor of english literature though so eventually she'll make a decent amount for the both of you.

♡ "I love my sisters, and I love you! Hmm? Oh no, don't worry I didn't mean it in that way. I know you don't like me, yet. Uhm anyways I also really like to shop if you'd like to come with me this weekend. We should hold hands in the mall. Just so we don't get lost! Who cares if people think we're on a date, it doesn't bother me." ♡

Much like her sisters, she loves the idea of having a domestic life, but her idea of a domestic life is less twisted than her sisters at least. She just wants everyone to know that you two are madly in love, she isn't too bothered if you go out into town. Though if anyone gets too close to you then she'll have to tell her sisters about it, just to make sure no one is bothering you when you go into town.

♡ "I don't really like my parents. Other than that I don't hate many things. There's just so many nice things to focus on, plus I'm almost always with you and I'm always happy when I'm with you so I can't think of anything." ♡

She gets angry when you don't fall for her guilting. She really doesn't want to have to use the tactics that her sisters use but she will if you won't make things easy. Why can't you understand, EVERYONE else knows that you'd be perfect together, you're the only one who can't see how you two are destined for each other. Why are you so strict on her, she's pushing your boundaries for your own good! Just fucking listen to her!

♡ "There are probably more things I'm bad at than things I'm good at, sorry my sisters coddle me just a bit. I'm not very good at kissing, we could practice together if you want? Please? Come on, it'll be fun." ♡

She's pretty good at spreading gossip considering everyone in town thinks you two are dating no matter how hard you deny it. If you keep denying then everyone is going to think you're a jerk trying to ignore your girlfriend. Don't be a dick.

♡ "Can I come back to your place tonight? I don't like sleeping alone, please let me stay over." ♡

[futturmangamez]

Fuck Marry Kill

Billie

Josie

Darlene

See now this one is hard cause I've never really spoke much to Billie and Darlene..though I do think they're both really pretty and awesome ladies:] and ofcourse josie is MY GIRLFRIEND (to the people who keep saying we are siblings..stop that!>:[ we are not related nor the same person. That is my lova girl💐]

Both Darlene and Billie have some girl sass which scares me😅😅 also I think they both like girls so I'm not even sure if either of them would want to be in bed with me anyways..WHICH IS OKAY!! Although..I do think Darlene would be more..experimental🥴

IM SORRY FOR THIS AGAIN SO SO SORRY AH

Fuck Darlene, Marry Josie, kill Billie

AND NO I DONT MEAN TO KILL ANOTHER MEMBER IN THE FAMILY METAPHORICALLY 😧😧😧💔💔🚫🚫🚫🚫🚫🙅‍♂️🙅‍♂️

[lantur]

some small good things,

I have been LOVING my morning routine of homemade iced strawberry white tea + walking Westin in the yard + listening to my true crime podcast. The podcast is The Deck Investigates, focusing on the cold case murder of Darlene Hulse.

I bought 100% cocoa butter and I've been using it as a before-bed hand cream. I have a huge problem with picking at the skin around my cuticles, and with dry skin in general thanks to all the swimming. This really helps with taking care of my hands. It also smells amazing after I melt it in the microwave.

Related - the past year+ of swimming laps 3-4 times a week led to a lot of damage on my natural hair. It bleached the color from black to light brown, and damaged the texture of my hair significantly as well. I started using a swim cap a couple of months ago, I cut off all the damaged hair, and I also have started doing a hot olive oil treatment on my hair each time before I go swimming. The combination of all those things has really helped fix my hair and return it to its old texture, and I'm hopeful about the color eventually going back to black as well.

My guilty pleasure is celebrity gossip, and between Ariana Grande, Lizzo, and Justin and Sophie Trudeau, I have been LIVING.

[honest-signal]

10 Characters, 10 Fandoms

RULES: List your ten favourite characters from ten separate fandoms then tag ten people! (Sorry, I don't wanna)

Tagged by @boatswainscall

Oh man. It's been yeeeeeeears since I was tagged in anything at all. I do enjoy these even if I take too long thinking about it :p

GLaDOS from Portal basically has to be first. I was soooo fixated on Portal for soooo long... And she's at the core of that. Her and her snarky, parasocial, desperate self.

Aelita from Code Lyoko. I know historically I was more obsessed with XANA but that's really just because he's easy to project onto-- he's not actually very defined in canon. But Aelita I always liked anyway. She had cool powers, optimism despite so much on her plate, and nice designs!

The Machine from Person of Interest. God I love how she developed over the course of the series, by becoming a notable character at all. It was nice to see an AI with that much power attempt to do good, even beyond what she was originally designed for!

Gin Ichimaru from Bleach. Okay there's a lot of characters I like for all of these series but hey. I just like cold guys with good intentions way down there somewhere

Nico Minoru from Runaways (Marvel). Runaways is around one of the first comics I actually read, as in actually volume-by-volume. She's just cool! Creative power, good character and arc(s), lots of stuff.

Geo Stelar from Mega Man Star Force. Battle Network is in general my preferred series but I really like his arc and character throughout these games. It's good stuff!

Aradia Megido from Homestuck. Had to be here somewhere. Once again I like her on account of character arc and powers. Love seeing characters go from dead (metaphorically or not) to very much alive :)

Angus Delaney from Night in the Woods. This game has to be mentioned too. There's a little bit of personal relatability in all of them, but maybe especially him? I have a quote of his as a sticker on my computer even.

Darlene from Mr. Robot. Once again we're in jaded cynic that cares territory! She's great, throughout everything. Also I like her sunglasses.

Leif from Bug Fables. Had to get some bug rep on here! He's a cool guy and I enjoy me some dry senses of humor. And of course, good arc/story, and ice powers are good.

And theeere you go! Ten characters. Fun to do! However I still got anxieties about directly tagging people especially since I don't really interact with anyone, but if you see this, you should do it! It's fun. You can say I tagged you :p

[finishinglinepress]

NEW FROM FINISHING LINE PRESS: Sisters of the Protectress—A Creation Story by Darlene St. Georges and Alexandra Fidyk

On SALE now! Pre-order Price Guarantee:

https://www.finishinglinepress.com/product/sisters-of-the-protectress-creation-story-by-darlene-st-georges-and-alexandra-fidyk/

darlene st. georges is a creation-centred artist|scholar. She is associate professor of art education at the University of Lethbridge, Alberta, Canada. Her theoretical and practice-based research is rooted in emergent and generative knowledge and knowing that honours the inward and creative ways being and knowing––living literacies expressed through aesthetic translations of voice, breath, body, and spirit.

alexandra fidyk, award winning transdisciplinary scholar and teacher, serves as professor in the Faculty of Education, University of Alberta, Canada. Through somatic, relational, poetic and creative-centred processes, her research engages with teachers and youth on issues of place, suffering, wellbeing, and love. Her writing continues to be influenced by the long sky of Saskatchewan.

#poetry #creationstory #poems #readinglist

PRAISE FOR Sisters of the Protectress—A Creation Story by Darlene St. Georges and Alexandra Fidyk

Lavish here. Let wash. We wee humans need images adequate to hold us open into this earth body of ours, and here they are, written out. Spaced. Placed. Hoarse cawed. This very same body as the Crows crow, the plants plant, the air offers. Sun-drenched jaws. Bears themselves dreaming us over ambles downhill. This book brooks words. Images. Dreams. darlene’s. alex’s. mine. yours, readers. Watch out, though. These possessive cases can easily betray us. These words and their readings are co-inhabitants with the full scatters and splays of breaths, of wonders. These seeds up yesterday morning, little heralds. Listen. This book will help you smell the sun in them. Let the spaces last exactly as long as you need. Slow over them. Let them be exacting. Me. My grandson in arms. Me in his, too. Look! Crow. Bear. Seed-springings. Thank you for this gathering up. I gather up, go plant.

–David Jardine, Professor Emeritus in Retiracy, currently undergoing an Early Childhood Education

Let yourself be suspended and traverse the land and sky through this creation story, Sisters of the Proctress, marinated in the poetic and primordial. St. Georges and Fidyk invite us into dwelling in worlds between the interior, imaginal, primal, and sacred where the reader inhabits the terrain where spirit and body thrive. Here, one can dream themselves alive as they say, and ruminate in layers of wisdom and insight where the ancestors’ live and hope resides. This poetic book is a journey in and of itself where an aesthetic sensibility touches the heart and reminds one that place is imbedded within mystery and keeps calling us home to awe. Beautifully and sensitively written and designed, they call forth what the bodysoul yearns for.

–Celeste Snowber, PhD. Professor/Poet/Performer, author of Embodied inquiry: Writing, living and being through the body. Simon Fraser University

In Sisters of the Protectress: A Creation Story, Darlene St. Georges and Alexandra Fidyk weave together stories of Bear Woman and Crow Mother to, as they say, “cross the celestial veil to ignite the imaginative and mythological realms.” In Crow’s return and Bear’s reawakening, imaginaries appear and disappear as exquisite voices. Evocative drawings alongside the spare poetic text create mirrored, shadowed lives—giving testimony and bearing witness. “Not everything that goes / leaves a trail” St. Georges and Fidyk write, concluding “we need more Storytellers.” In this gorgeous hybrid format, these lyrical sister-voices give shape to that process.

–Laura Apol, author of A Fine Yellow Dust, winner of the Midwest Book award for poetry

In this visual|poetic creation story, Darlene St. Georges and Alexandra Fidyk pay homage to Bear Woman and Crow Mother. This “hybridity of fur and feather” aligns with the “imperceptible rhythms / that ignite imaginaries.” Narrative and lyricism combine gracefully. This evocation deepens our connection with earth and sky, waking and dreaming, inner and outer worlds. And we emerge humbled and humane. “Calling the Ancestors—” and at once the “Ancestors are calling—” Images of Crow and Bear spaciously move with words and phrases to create a powerful sense of renewal. “Unearthing tongues between worlds,” Sisters of Protectress draws on creation-centred and Jungian insights.

Open this book to be pulled into a story from the natural and archetypal worlds which will ignite your spirit.

–Sheila Stewart, author of The Shape of a Throat, University of Toronto Mississauga

Please share/repost #flpauthor #preorder #AwesomeCoverArt #read #poems #literature #poetry

[misscammiedawn]

Intentional, Accidental and Allegorical representation in media

CW: Suicide, stigmatizing language, homophobia/transphobia mentions.

Spoiler warnings: Mr. Robot, Deadly Premonition 1 & 2, The Missing: JJ Macfield & The Island of Memories, Star Trek DS9, Crazy Ex-Girlfriend.

So... today's essay is going to focus on less ideal bits of media representation. Some of the discussed media may have insensitive depictions of vulnerable groups. Please read with care.

One of the things I've focused on since starting Media, Myself and I was finding overt pieces of representation that I felt did a good job of taking issues of chronic dissociative disorders and putting them to screen or page.

I've covered memoirs, I've covered stories written by former social workers about generational trauma, I've covered games that explain the concept of derealization and characters diagnosed with DID.

Every entry so far has been clear and overt in their presentation of mental illness and in telling I've tried to explain the ups and downs of how the material was presented and what they got right vs wrong.

Our latest entry in the series was a memoir, written by a person diagnosed with DID. Though I cannot speak to the personal lives of the authors for Night in the Woods, The Incredible Hulk, Mr. Robot and Umineko; it is not apparent that they experience the conditions that they write about.

And that's okay. Not all fiction must be written from a personal perspective of lived experience.

The issue comes in when even well meaning creatives want to write overt representation without the proper level of experience and sensitivity reading.

As I covered in my Mr. Robot write-up, Sam Esmail wrote Elliot's DID to fit the split personality trope (in way of copying Fight Club) and needed to apply the real world condition to the plot. For the most part it is successful and deserves praise for being that rare piece of mainstream media that overtly explains part roles with the correct terms "protector" and "persecutor" and how these functions relate to the system's origins.

Then it finishes with the discussion of "The Real Elliot" and includes a heartbreaking scene where the Elliot we have known the entire show tells his sister "I love you" and that sister, Darlene, wanting her 'real' brother back, leaves the room without a word.

Many people, myself included, felt hurt and alienated by this complete misrepresentation of our condition and did not appreciate a hurtful piece of stigma being launched into the public psyche for further misunderstandings. If you hate the show because of this mishandling of the topic then I would not blame you.

On a recent rewatch, though, I saw this moment from the final episode of season 1:

When I first saw this scene I felt a deep well of comfort in seeing something true to my experience displayed in a way no fiction had ever attempted to display before. Every part is equal. We are all part of the same system. There's no part more valid than the rest. One part acting against the system will breed dysregulation.

The child part of Elliot even says that Rami Malek's character is "hurting the family" by forcing the rest of them away and denying them.

It is clear now that the show is over that this was not intended to be a piece of representation but instead a way of obfuscating the final episode twist that the Elliot we follow is actually an alter and not 'the real Elliot'. He was "hurting the family" by sealing away 'the real Elliot' not by rejecting the system.

It hurt to see a moment that resonated so strongly be overturned at a later point.

It is presently believed, though study is always ongoing, that children who experience CPTSD in their formative years do not develop the stability to create an integrated sense of self. This truth is relevant in the formation of chronic dissociative disorders and personality disorders such as Borderline Personality Disorder and Narcissistic Personality Disorder. The root of all of these symptoms being tied up in CPTSD. There is debate in the psychological field on if personality disorders are worth diagnosing as they tend to lead to stigmatization and self-pathologizing in ways that distract from treating the root trauma, but that is a topic beyond the scope of this essay.

Without a stable sense of self the child grows up with an "disintegrated core" that shifts and changes to help gain the needs for safety and comfort based on what will work in any given environment. In DID there is a layer of shielding from PTSD triggers involved that makes it so ego/personality states can form dissociative barriers between one another which leads to the parts forming. With Borderline these fluctuations tend to be less stable and lead to Identity Disturbance, where a person feels alienated from their own identity.

BPD and DID have a lot in common and it leads to debate in the psychological field that they may be different presentations of the same condition. In my experience labels are only as effective as they serve the person who holds them and anything that can forge connection and understanding should be cherished.

But going back to the original point, Mr. Robot had accidentally provided me solid representation that I latched onto. It was not intended to be a representation of what the creators understood DID to be but it did hit something which matches the lived experience of at least one person watching.

It can be powerful when you see a piece of media reflect parts of your experience back at you. Even if it was never meant to in the first place.

Before we continue with this essay I wish to state firmly that everyone is entitled to every single message and emotion that they have ever gleaned from fiction. No one should be told that their sense of comfort and warmth is wrong to have just because it was not authorial intent. I never want my words to ever strip something that is a positive from anyone's lives. I hope that never happens.

But that's the topic of this essay. Accidental representation and Intentional representation and what the benefits and detriments are.

As we see above, intentional representation that is made by creators who does not have lived experience can lead to misinformation, misunderstanding and harm. Even the most well meaning creatives are prone to this.

In way of example, let's talk about a creator who clearly means well and has included topics of gender and sexuality in the heavy majority of his works.

SWERY 65 (Hidetaka Suehiro) is the creator of Deadly Premonition and head of White Owls studios. In 2018 SWERY's team developed The Missing: J.J Macfield and the Island of Memories. It's a short game that displays the following message each time it is booted up:

The game starts with a pair of women, JJ and Emily, on a camping trip on an island and Emily attempts to engage intimacy with JJ before being rejected. The next morning Emily is missing and JJ must find their childhood best friend and potential love interest while memories from their past appear in the way of text messages. Towards the climax of the game we understand that Emily had left clothes in JJ's room and her mother had found them and had sent her to conversion therapy. The game is fairly vague about the circumstances and it's easy to read this as JJ's mother finding out that JJ is a lesbian.

In the final chapter of the story we find out that JJ is transgender. That the entire game is a dream sequence after she attempted to take her own life during a university lecture. The game makes it clear that the JJ we play as is who she wishes she were and that in reality she has not yet begun transitioning. In the reality section of the game she speaks with her developmental voice and is not wearing a wig. We still identify her as JJ and the game even includes a New Game + mode where you can play as the JJ from the reality segment complete with every voice line read in her developmental voice.

It is a fairly good piece of representation particularly as the game and the development are Japanese and Hidetaka Suehiro does not apparently have lived experience with transition. Albeit it heavily fetishizes the suffering inherent to transition with the body mutilation gameplay mechanic feeding into the nature of the subtext.

Unfortunately, like the Mr. Robot example above, it can be easy to focus on the negative aspects of the representation and feel hurt/betrayed by the good that The Missing does when compared with other projects by the same creator.

In 2020 the same creative team released Deadly Premonition 2, a sequel to the cult classic game that itself had some slightly problematic depictions of gender and sexuality. Both games the culprit is explicitly LGBT and their motives are rooted in the abuse they received for living as their chosen identity. A topic included in The Missing also.

It's makes it difficult to accept the good representation experienced when the very next game involves a sequence that had to be patched out of the game with an apology from the creator for insensitivity.

It's up to a member of the audience to take what they like and leave what they don't but it's a good example of how overt representation can lead to missteps by even the most well meaning creator.

But let's step into accidental representation because the Deadly Premonition games can easily be read as representing CDD, even if it is not intentional. The main character of the game is Francis York Morgan. Throughout the game he seeks guidance from "Zach" who he speaks to constantly both when he is alone and when around other characters, though when people ask he informs them that it is a private matter which he does not discuss.

It is easy for those playing the game to think of Zach as the player themselves. Especially as York entrusts Zach to handle all of the combat segments of the game and we are prompted to answer questions when York asks for Zach's opinions on the investigation. It's also easy to ignore all of the comments the NPCs make about Francis Morgan's huge scar. York has a scar on his face and an odd patch of missing hair after all.

The final chapter of the game reveals that when he was young Zach witnessed the horrific death of his parents and was so traumatized that he was sheltered by an inhabitant of an extra-dimensional plane of existence who protects him from all the dangers in the world. Which sounds a lot like the formation of a protector alter to me. York fronts pretty much all of the time but keeps in constant communication with Zach and does his best to live their shared life in a way that will one day let Zach take control, which happens at the end and we get to see the protagonist as all of the NPCs saw him up until that point.

(York on left, Zach on right)

The epilogue sequence for Deadly Prem 2 even gives a heartwarming depiction of plurality in having literal IM messages from York appearing on Zach's desktop during a video call.

It's arguable over whether or not this is accidental representation or not. The circumstances of Zach and York's partnership do meet the typical standards of overt CDD depictions but there is no pathology involved in the depiction whatsoever.

Which is a big difference between Overt Representation and less overt kinds.

When Mr. Robot discusses dissociative identity disorder or Night in the Woods discusses derealization the story needs to take time to have characters explain the concepts to characters within the fiction and the audience. At the heart of all things, this form of representation is aimed at people who are not in the know about these conditions.

When it vibes with our experiences and makes us feel seen it is doing that as a side effect of presenting the experience to an audience. Generally the expectation would be that the majority of the audience do not happen to share these experiences and need help in being able to relate, particularly when the creators do not experience the condition for themselves.

In intentional representation cases where the creative team do have lived experience then the art of making an emotional connection with the audience is a matter of someone trying to convey that which they feel and experience, which makes those who resonate to have a higher chance of being and feeling seen.

Even that doesn't always seem to work out as expected though.

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend is a musical romantic comedy TV Show which holds the interesting record of managing to complete its full TV run of 4 seasons despite being consistently drawing abysmally low ratings. It is arguably one of the best intentional representations of BPD in all of media, even sitting higher than works adapted from biographies such as Girl, Interrupted.

Well... part of the argument is that it was never intended to be.

The main character, Rebecca Bunch, is a Jewish woman with a highly religious family who makes rash and impulsive decisions that lead her to live in LA County restarting a highly successful law degree so she can chase an ex-boyfriend. She is played by the show's creator, Rachel Bloom, who is a Jewish woman with a highly religious family (her cousin, a rabbi, peformed the ceremony for her wedding). She was born and raised in LA County and she has an outspoken history with mental illness including OCD, Anxiety and Depression.

Rebecca Bunch is not Rachel Bloom even if they share many elements and initials. Rachel Bloom once said she is 80% autobiographical

(2 examples that showed up when I searched the topic, top from TheWrap and bottom from Chubstr)

But Rachel Bloom does not have BPD. Rebecca Bunch didn't until Season 3. But... she always had BPD. It just... wasn't intentional.

When starting work on season 3 the creative team spoke with therapists to determine the direction of the show and it was decided that Rebecca's diagnosis based on her actions in the show and her behaviors would best fit BPD and the final 2 seasons of the show were tailored around this to show effective therapy can help benefit a person in need. It leads to a positive ending for the show.

But even when Bloom was autobiographically placing her own symptoms on the page, enough that the story about Harvey Guillen having to play a person based on himself, the narrative and drama of the story required the character take actions that lead to a depiction of BPD rather than OCD/Anxiety.

Even though the intention did not kick in to the 3rd season, which only exists via miracles and CW refusing to give up on the show, Bunch is often listed as one of the best fictional depictions of BPD in TV/Movies, alongside Anakin Skywalker, Catra and Clementine Kruczynski. None of whom are diagnosed with BPD or seen to be struggling with mental illness. But they all fit the bill remarkably well. Enough that should a therapist be introduced into the plot of Star Wars, She-Ra or Eternal Sunshine they could easily take their existing characters and make the diagnosis intentional by giving it the label.

The same can even happen with gender and sexuality. Whether it is asexual representation from Jughead and Todd Sanchez from Archie Comics and Bojack Horseman respectively; Morph being genderfluid and using they/them pronouns in X-Men '97 or Halo/Violet in Young Justice coming out non-binary having a discussion about their preferred pronouns; or Korra and Asami's bisexuality in the Avatar universe.

All of these were not part of the blueprint when the character was brought to the stage, they just seemed a natural evolution of the character as the story progressed or, with situations like Umbrella Academy's 3rd season adapting Elliot Page's real life transition into the plot, it was necessary for the fiction to meet reality.

And this is of course ignoring the more important factor.

We live in a day and an age where we can have Viktor Hargreeves as a leading man in an ensemble superhero show. We can dedicate storylines to people discovering and exploring their non-binary identities and preferred pronouns.

That wasn't always the case. Which brings us to our final type of representation.

Allegorical.

When I say "this wasn't always the case", I do not intend to imply that allegorical representation has gone anywhere. It still remains with us and is as effective today as it ever was. But in the past, particularly the 90s, it was necessary.

Where intentional representation (and accidental that becomes intentional) has the luxury of using the correct language and educating an audience, allegorical representation speaks directly to the group in question without regard for the mainstream audience.

This can also happen in intentional and accidental forms. The quintessential example for trans people is The Matrix, a story where people who reject the reality that we are sold by the dominant culture and seek to find community of those who exist outside of that system and to wake up to their true reality and their chosen names after taking a pill. To those who know the feelings that Trinity and Neo discuss in the first 20 minutes of the movie, who see the forms of intimacy displayed in their romance and acknowledge the villain deadnaming as an insult; there is no question that it is superb representation of a lived reality. To a cis individual who has never had to ask those questions and do not know the violence of being denied a name, they would not even approach the questions the movie constantly asks to anyone who can listen.

But there are numerous examples of allegorical representation that are there to allow the content to exist in spite of censors and editors.

Garnet from Steven Universe is intended to be a wlw couple but their romance could not be overtly displayed in a children's show. Famously the show creator had to trade in all of their good will and bargaining power for the show they created in order to depict the wedding of Sapphire and Ruby on the show. Until then the concept of Fusion was introduced to show soulmates intertwined and working in unison. Itself a little bit of accidental plurality representation.

Of course, symbiosis appears to be a common point for such depictions.

Anyone who lived through the 90s would know it was the wild west for representation where the allegories could be paper thin but could never be confirmed. We were simultaneously accepting as a culture and absolutely terrified to commit to the retaliation that would come from actually using the words and being positive. The 90s was a time of cowardice and cruelty. Punching down was always allowed. Friends, the most popular show of the era, included a main character whose ex-wife left for another woman as a show long punchline and they included more transphobic jokes in some episodes than BIPOC characters in the entire run of the show.

We could laugh at the gays in Will & Grace but we couldn't celebrate them by allowing Xena and Gabrielle to be overtly gay. Just heavily implied.

And transphobia was the worst at the time.

Star Trek Deep Space 9 stepped around the stigma when they introduced Jadzia Dax. Dax may not actually be trans.

But she is a trans allegory.

Dax is a trill, a symbiotic entity that needs to bond with a host to live. Up until the events of the show it had been bonded with a male host, Curzon, who was Cisco, the main character's, mentor. The show often depicts the familiarity Cisco has with Dax despite Jadzia Dax (and Ezri Dax) being different incarnations of the same entity. As shown above, Jadzia is her name now.

The people of the era certainly were aware of the allegory at play and starved of any positive depictions in media they firmly latched on. Here's a 1997 magazine with Dax on the cover, celebrating Gene Roddenbury's show going "where no trans had gone before"

Allegorical representation is important. Especially as many pieces of media are shared globally and overt representation is often banned from territories where people are still starving to see themselves reflected in media.

So... with that said. Let me sum up my beliefs on the topic.

Intentional Representation often is in dialogue with the whole audience. It often intends to speak directly to those who are not part of the populations being represented, assuming a lack of familiarity. This is not always the case but is the assumed.

Accidental Representation begins a dialogue with the populations being represented and typically do not become aware of the fact that this dialogue has begun but can come to take it and make it part of the fiction's DNA.

Allegorical Representation is in constant and meaningful discussion with the populations represented and those sympathetic to them. It knows exactly what it is doing and does not need to conform to the expectations or understandings of the broader audience.

It's why I love allegories so damned much.

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For more essays like this please check out our Media, Myself and I tag, we typically focus on dissociative disorders there.