#i should also mention the reason el was so pissed off is bc he was crushing HARD on belphie and just had faith bel wouldn't kill him

[doodlboy]

Silly lil meme ft. B-EL-phie lore 💙

---ref under the cut---

[allhallowstiel]

so, i’m gonna try to provide an explanation as to why people are upset about will rn, because there seems to be some misinterpretation going on. if you read through what i have to say and you still don’t agree, cool. i just think it’s understandable why people are hurt and wanted to explain that a bit more.

(explanation under the cut bc this post is long):

first and foremost, we know that the show itself did not queerbait with byler. although the show heavily implied that will had feelings for mike, they never strongly suggested that mike felt the same. most of the “evidence” that byler had was mostly just theories put together based on crumbs- and i say this as a byler shipper.

the reason people are saying they were queerbaited is mostly because of netflixgeeked.

egging fans on on twitter:

using the byler tag on their tiktoks:

being unhinged on instagram:

“but netflixgeeked is just a glorified fan account” true! but they have that checkmark and they’re affiliated with netflix

but rest assured, the official netflix accounts also got in on the action!

(i borrowed some of these screenshots from hypnct1c2.0 on tiktok)

for those of you who witnessed the voltron mess, you might notice that this all seems rather familiar. netflix has a bit of a history of baiting fans.

now there’s a bit of a debate on whether noah is also to blame considering what he’s said about byler- and while for the most part i think actors are just people who read a script, i do think it was kind of odd that he would tell people to ship byler knowing that it only ends in heartbreak for will. i also don’t know why he would say that they’re building up byler when the only thing volume 2 did was break it down. i’d like to think it was just poor wording on his part- he’s a kid and probably doesn’t even know what queerbaiting really is, but i do wish he had chosen his words better because i think they gave a lot of people hope.

THAT is where the queerbaiting accusations are coming from. people are for the most part pissed off at netflix.

will’s sexuality

people are also upset because they didn’t feel that will’s sexuality was addressed properly. i think the van scene was clear as day to people who can read subtext, but the fact that i still see people insisting that will has been acting weird because he’s secretly in love with eleven and upset that mike is with her is... frustrating. at this point, the general audience should get it, and they don’t. 

i mean, look at this screenshot i took from an article today talking about unanswered questions in volume 2.

“it’s unclear”. we have people who are writing about stranger things and covering it in their articles that were left feeling like it wasn’t clear. personally im flabbergasted since, again- that van scene was incredibly loud to me, but then i remember that not everyone automatically reads into byler shit. like i mentioned before- there are people who still think will is in love with el, even after david harbour shot that idea down.

but the general audience doesn’t typically watch or read interviews, or read into things with a byler lens. but- aside from a few idiots that desperately want to ship robin with steve for some reason- most people in the ga do know and understand that robin is a lesbian. she never explicitly said the word lesbian, she didn’t get up and wave a pride flag around- but we all got it. for some reason, the message that will is gay isn’t getting to people. we still have people insisting that he’s in love with el, or that he just “doesn’t wanna grow up”.

now it’s important to note here that will isn’t any less valid just because he’s not out, but there is more than one way to indicate that a character is gay. no one is asking for will to start waving a pride flag around in indiana in the 80′s. but i think that this is the main reason people wanted will to get vecna’d- we would likely see vecna taunting will over his feelings for mike, which would confirm his sexuality without having him come out to anyone. i think what fans wanted was more of something along those lines- no one wants will to put his safety at risk and no one thinks will is any less valid for not being out. the anger all comes out of love for the character- it’s just that sometimes that anger ends up being misdirected because people don’t know who to be angry at. 

there are some fans that feel represented by will, since having a crush on your straight best friend is a relatable and common experience for closeted kids. there are others who are frustrated with the ambiguity. both of these feelings are valid and i believe they can coexist.

what i think is going on with this is that the duffers assumed the van scene and that hug with jonathan would be enough to clue the general audience in. it wasn’t, and now will fans are frustrated at having to defend will being gay for another two or three years while we wait for season 5.

but i will say that anyone saying “we got the van scene, what more do you want” needs to just Not, because despite how loud that scene was, his struggle with his sexuality is far from over, and there are some things that i think season 5 needs to deliver on. it just fucking sucks that it turns out we have to wait again- and we have to hope that what we get is worth the wait.

the painting

now this is the biggest thing that most people are angry about. people are angry that will’s feelings for mike were essentially used to push mike and el back together. 

yes, will made the choice to lie about the painting. but i honestly don’t think mike would’ve put it together even if will hadn’t lied. he clearly doesn’t remember the letter, because if he did, he would’ve seen through will’s lie right away. if he can’t remember what el said in the letter, then i don’t think he would read into the painting if im being honest.

but even putting the painting aside- which is beyond frustrating since it was hyped up as this important thing between mike and will, not mike and el- all of mike and will’s scenes this season were just them talking about el. will spent the entire season trying to fix mike and el’s relationship despite how much it’s absolutely breaking him- and he doesn’t get jack fucking shit for it. no closure, no self-acceptance, no character growth- just angst for the sake of angst. 

and the worst part is that he’s always going to be exposed to their relationship because el is now his sister. he’s trapped. he’s always going to see them together and wish it could be him in el’s place. it feels like they’ve made him miserable and they’re never gonna let him move on. 

queer characters should never be used to strengthen or push a straight relationship. mike did not need to be involved in will’s coming out storyline. that’s why i feel like they only did it for the drama. will could’ve easily started having feelings for a guy at his new school. but honestly, at the rate they’re going, i feel like the most we’ll get is a five second shot in the last episode of him and his boyfriend.

it’s disgusting that will’s feelings were used for mlvn. his feelings were not treated with any sort of respect or decency. we deserved at least one fucking scene of them this season that wasn’t will pushing mike to be with el.

-

so, yeah. hopefully this post gives you some insight on the real reasons people are upset, because a lot of things are being wildly misinterpreted rn and i wanted to set the record straight.

[okaybutlikeimagine]

PREVIEW: Will You Take Me as I Am?

i’m working on a fic for @biillys for something long overdue that i almost feel embarrassed talking about bc?? it was so long ago that the fundraiser has since been cancelled! have i apologized enough yet??? i don’t think i have!!

ANYWAY the title is “Will You Take Me as I Am?” and it was supposed to be super light and fun and happy and it will be but it’s also going to be angsty bc Quarantine is doing some Shit to me over here ~♥ BUT it will have things including, but not limited to:

- Billy, Steve, Max, and El bickering over music

- big long road trip to Cali

- stupid roadside attractions

- sunny summer days in San Diego

- Billy’s friends from back in the day (bc he had them and we need to talk about that!!!!)

- Max Max Max Max and Max bc Max is so good and we need to talk about her too

- Tony fucking Hawk

it’ll hopefully be done soon! this is just a super tiny snippet bc i feel awful for not having it finished yet and i need to post something or i’ll cry. so!! @biillys, i love you so much and hope you’re well and it’s COMING but until then, have this slightly sad but also heartfelt scene with our little Disaster Siblings! ♥

(title from California - Joni Mitchell bc DUH)

~ ♥ ~ ♥ ~ ♥ ~

Driving Max to school doesn’t set Billy on edge anymore.

“And it’s just so stupid because Cindy swears to everyone that she looks like Molly Ringwald. She doesn’t stop talking about it! Like anyone even cares.”

As irritating as it might be to hear about 9th grade gossip.

“And she still makes fun of my hair. Because it’s not the ‘right’ shade of red? What the hell?”

Billy smirks and listens vaguely and thinks about a few months ago. He remembers when the fall air bit him hard. When it felt invasive and aggressive and piercing rather than just present and embracing and knowing. The chill doesn’t hurt him anymore. The sound and smell of the farms doesn’t boil his blood anymore. The idea of Max having a life here doesn’t grind away at his memories anymore.

He’s laughing without hearing her. He vaguely hopes she doesn’t take too much offense by it, but the rest of him doesn’t really care. She’ll just hit him and grumble and he’ll give a vacant yet amused apology and they’ll continue on their car ride listening to Joan Jett.

Except she doesn’t hit him. His chuckles die down and the only sound through the car is Joan Jett wailing and Max tapping her fingers on her jeans.

It’s got Billy curious. He looks over quickly and sees her mouth moving- mumbling to herself.

“Telling yourself secrets or something?”

She glares, but it’s half-hearted. She chews on her lip and then she’s looking back down at her lap.

Billy’s just a little tempted to just let it all slide, but...

“Alright, what’s up?” He caves.

The quiet of the car makes Billy nervous. The air is whipping past them through the slightly rolled down windows, shoving itself into the absences of their conversation. Billy’s fingers start fidgeting with nerves and he’s on the verge of cutting in before she can get any words out, but then Max is speaking, hurriedly and with a furrowed brow as she says-

“How old are you again?”

Billy pauses.

“The hell kind of question is that?” He asks, looking over at her incredulously, confused at the question. She’s still trying to glare.

“Shut up! Just… you’re like… graduating soon… right?”

Billy raises an eyebrow at the road.

“No, Maxine.” Billy says with dripping sarcasm. “I love high school so much I was thinking of just staying there for the rest of my life.”

“Let me talk!”

“I am letting you talk! You’re just saying stupid shit!”

“Augh, you are so annoying!”

She’s crossing her arms now, and for some reason Billy can’t find it in himself to be amused by it. So instead he heaves a little sigh and bites his lip and waves for her to continue.

She sighs back.

“It’s just… my birthday is kinda close. And yours is like, right after that. And I was… just thinking. The other day...”

She trails off, hands fidgeting and head turned to the window. She doesn’t pick back up the conversation. Iggy Pop is howling through the radio, now.

“Thinking? Pretty dangerous thing to do when you’re-”

Max hits Billy with the hardest glare yet of the car ride. He concedes.

“Alright. What were you thinking about?”

The glare softens. Her eyes fill with worry… and nerves. Billy finds something vaguely reminiscent in them, even if it’s not exactly the same as in his memory. He knows he’s being a little shit but he hasn’t done anything to warrant fear... has he? He racks his brain while they sit in the silence she lets settle between them.

“I was just thinking about… well… remember that one birthday?” She’s had a few birthdays while they’ve shared a roof. A couple of them he’s purposefully decided to forget-most notably that first one. “When you took me to the boardwalk?”

That one he definitely remembers, with more color than most memories. She was turning 12- it was right before they found out they were moving. Things had been going so well. That birthday saw them walking down the boardwalk together to pick up some ice cream sundaes and talk about friends. Old ones and new ones. Gossip and interests. Max has mentioned that birthday a few times before- she says all the time it was the first time Billy treated her like a real person. Like a sister. He used to roll his eyes at her confession until he stopped. Because he realized maybe she was right. Maybe before that, “sister” wasn’t really in his vocabulary- not with a real definition and most definitely not with a face.

It was a nice day. They skated down the boardwalk and he taught her a couple of tricks on her board and he bought her something from the knick-knack store at the corner where the boardwalk met the street. She smiled at him genuinely for the first time ever. It seemed like they could be friends.

He chews the inside of his lip. He doesn’t like to think too far past that memory.

“Yeah, I remember.”

She’s fidgeting still. He wants to slap her hands to get her to stop because it’s making his leg twitch.

“Well I was just thinking about it. And… and… well…”

She’s picking at her cuticles. He winces whenever he sees her do that. He used to do that too. Used to bite at them when he was nervous, so much it’d make his fingers bleed. He’s stopped for a year or so now. She’s still doing it. He wonders sometimes if she picked it up from watching him and his shifty eyes. He can’t take watching her so nervous and he’s starting to feel on edge and-

“Spit it out, Max.” His voice is a little snappy, but he really doesn’t mean it. She sighs rather than glares.

“Are you still gonna move out to California?” She asks, all the words slurred together like they’re one but it doesn’t matter, because Billy understands them all.

He loses his breath for a second. When he looks over, he sees her eyes are screwed shut, but then she opens them and there’s tears there. He hates seeing tears there. Something squeezes his heart at the thought that he’s responsible again... only this time he doesn’t even know what he’s done.

“Uhm-”

“Like after you graduate.”

“Uh-”

A tear falls down her cheek.

“Shit.”

She looks down at her lap. Billy looks back at the road and has to hit the breaks hard when he realizes he’s about to run a stop sign. He takes a deep breath.

“Maybe. I dunno.”

“Take me with you.”

It’s sudden. He’s staring at her and she’s staring at her hands, picking at her cuticles viciously. It’s the faint sound of someone honking behind them that gets Billy to start driving again.

“Not like… forever...” Max says in such a small voice Billy is speechless. “Just for… a little bit.”

They ride in silence for a bit. They’re almost at school. Billy almost wants to stop the car because Max is going to cry and she’s gonna be pissed about walking into school while crying.

There are too many thoughts swirling through Billy’s head, some of them colored like a carnival, before Max is speaking again.

“I just… I miss home.”

It punches Billy in the gut. His memories fade to the sand and the waves and teaching Max how to break through the surf. He’s swirling down into thoughts of ice cream and babysitting her and walking along the boardwalk and telling her to make sand castles while he ran away with his friends. Tanned skin and sun-bleached hair and darker freckles blooming on their faces.

“It was stupid.” Her voice cuts quickly through the fog of memories. “Forget I said anything.”

“What? No.” Billy can’t forget. He doesn’t know how to answer but… but she’s crying and he’s not going to pretend like that’s not something he should be worried about.

“No, it’s stupid. You’re gonna be going with Steve. I don’t even know how I’d get back… it’s fine-”

“Are you trying to live with your dad?” Billy asks because it’s the only thing that makes sense to ask right now. She shakes her head vehemently.

“No no… I wanna live with my mom. I wanna stay here. I just wanna… visit, I guess…”

He so often forgets she’s still such a kid. She’s four years away from where he is. She’s four years away from being able to be independent. From having the ability to leave. They moved and Billy felt like he had been put in a cage. The word “landlocked” was the cruelest, harshest, most disgusting word imaginable to him because to him the only synonym was “trapped”. He knew it meant staying for another two years. He didn’t think about how for her it meant six. For her it was either plant your roots or let them dry out and crack in the Indiana sun. He couldn’t see that as he screamed at her back then.

“I dunno, I just miss it.” She says, but it’s quiet as she wipes at her cheek with the back of her hand.

Billy pulls into the school and picks a spot in the back of the lot, even though the bell is gonna ring soon and it’ll probably take too long to walk onto campus. She’s still sniffling a bit and his heart is squeezing tight. His chest is constricting. He’s watching Max right now and thinking about how the Billy he was a few weeks ago and even beyond was making a whole plan to just fuck off to California with Steve. How he didn’t even give a thought to leaving Max behind with the knowledge that he’d be back in the San Diego sun. He’d be back where the world made sense and she’d be here still shoving her roots in the ground to find some comfort.

Now suddenly he can’t imagine ever doing that.

“Well uh…” He starts, but his voice is bubbled. He clears his throat and tries again. “I still gotta convince Steve… I was planning on taking him just for a trip over there. Just so he can check it out and see if he likes it.”

He hasn’t even extended an offer yet, but she turns to look at him and the only way to describe her face is glowing. She’s so hopeful. Her eyes are wide and her mouth is slightly tilted up into a smile, open a little in shock. He just shrugs it off, even though it lights up his chest.

“I guess we can squeeze you into his fancy little car.”

“Oh Billy thank you.”

She reaches across the center console to wrap him into as good a hug as she can. He rolls his eyes, but he pats her back as he does it.

“Yeah yeah… chill out.” He sounds tired to his ears, pulling away from Max and getting ready to leave the car when-

“We should take El, too.”

“What?”

Max crosses her arms, suddenly looking pretty bossy for a girl with tears still shining in her eyes. Billy can’t say he’s exactly surprised at seeing her capable of that.

“We should take El too.”

“You just invited yourself and now you’re inviting other people?”

Her brows furrow.

“She’s my best friend! And she’s like... your sister now, right?”

“Yeah yeah, but-”

“I’m going to be there all alone with just you and Steve! I’m gonna need someone to keep me company while you two try to suck face.”

“Okay I get it-”

“Plus she’s never seen the ocean! She’s never left Indiana… she’s barely left Hawkins! She needs something like this-!”

“Al-right! Alright, I get it. I’ll ask Hop, alright?”

Max seems to let up, taking a deep breath and sitting back in her seat from where she was getting dangerously close to the edge in her excitable anger.

They sit in the quiet for a second before Billy elbows her and mutters: “Trying to guilt trip me, huh?”

Max shrugs, but she’s chewing her lip and picking at her cuticles and she’s giving Billy a side eye and-

“I just wanna show her around…” Max shrugs again, like she can’t think to do anything else. “It was my home too, Billy.”

She’s still picking at her cuticles and her leg is bouncing and she… she’s so young. He’s not sure how he could forget so quickly. She left a home behind, too. And family and friends. She left a lot behind. He always forgets.

“Billy…” Max starts, voice trailing.

“Yeah?”

There’s a small beat of silence where Billy waits breathlessly.

“We’re going to California.”

It’s a statement- like there’s no doubt in her mind that it’s happening. It’s going to happen. He hears her certainty and feels it too. She’s starting with concentrated eyes down at her lap but she’s so sure it looks like it hurts.

She sniffles and his heart nearly cracks. He rubs her shoulder kind of harshly and rather than a glare she gives a sort of grateful smile. That is, before she pushes at Billy’s hand and wipes at her eye and gripes about how “we’re gonna be late.”

Billy snickers.

[jesusmick]

Sad Boy Hours in Mexico

I have always wondered about the deleted scene from s9e6 where Mickey meets a guy wearing a Gay Jesus shirt. Here is a little drabble I wrote to try to fill in some gaps and explain how Mickey decides to go back to Chicago and prison. Featuring Mandy bc I love her. (2000 words).

It is dark by the time he turns the key to his apartment, the faint click of the lock rattling the loose doorknob. He doesn't know why he even bothers to lock it. He has nothing worth stealing, the drugs and the cash both locked up safe in Alonzo's apartment across town. Even if he did have something of value stashed away in his shitty third floor apartment, nobody in the neighborhood would dare try to break in. The people here, his neighbors, they left him alone. Come to think of it, his coworkers did too. Maybe it was because getting in with the Sinola cartel had been his dad's idea. He had been working with them for over a year now selling overpriced party drugs to stupid American tourists, but the other dealers still called him "El Menor". The younger. The lesser. Even 2000 miles away in Cabo, Mickey was still living in his father's shadow.

He kicks the door shut and toes his shoes off, dropping his backpack by the door. He's exhausted. The fog curling around his mind begs him to collapse on the bare mattress in the corner of the room and sleep until he forgets. He has done too much remembering for one day.

Instead, he moves to the beat-up mini fridge in the other corner of the room. Besides the mattress, the mini fridge, and the broken dresser that had been in the room when he moved in, he is alone. The single bare light bulb hanging from a wire in the ceiling does little to make his home for the last 14 months feel lived in.

Opening a beer, Mickey steps out onto his balcony and folds himself into a plastic picnic chair he inherited from his neighbor when she moved out.

Elena. She had been nice, Mickey thinks. Young and terrified, she had reminded him of Mandy. They would occasionally sit out on their balconies together and smoke. She didn't speak English, and Mickey's Spanish was fairly limited, but they got on. She had moved out a few months ago after getting pregnant with her drug addict boyfriend. Mickey knew he was in jail now. He also knew that he was the one who had sold Hernesto the drugs he had been on when he robbed the liquor store down the block. Mickey suspects that Elena knew too, but she never mentioned anything. She never blamed him and when she moved out, she gave him a potted plant and the plastic chair.

The plant had died weeks ago. Mickey wonders if Elena had her baby.

Taking a sip of his beer, Mickey's mind wanders to Mandy. He knew she had left Chicago years ago. They didn't talk much, but last he checked she was in Los Angeles working as a cocktail waitress in a bar frequented by the same trust-fund babies who made up the majority of his clientele. In a way, he was jealous of her, but also incredibly proud. She had gotten out. Out of their father's clutches, out of their shitty neighborhood in the Southside, and out of her own way. She was making something of herself, all by herself, even if that something was watered down appletinis.  

Mickey, he could never be that person. He needed others too much, he thinks. He was too soft, too lost in his own head, too attached. Those first few weeks in Mexico had been some of the loneliest of his life. That was why he fell in with the Sinola cartel in the first place. Well, that and the fact that he was in the country illegally, making holding down a regular job impossible. His father had connections and he was desperate for a distraction. He wasn't stupid enough to call his group of dealers and distributors a family. He knew that they wouldn't think twice about killing him if he did something he shouldn't. But Mickey wasn't stupid, and so far, coasting along in this new life had made things easier. He had a job, a purpose, and a small shitty apartment to come home to at night. It was enough.

Until it wasn't. Until today.

He thinks that maybe he was a little bit numb. That being on his own for so long had turned his head to business and buried his anger, his sadness, his fear under a thick layer of dust and cheap Mexican beer.

Suddenly, he realizes that he is crying. He doesn't know when it started, maybe since he sat down on the porch, but if the dotted teardrops soaking into his shirt are any indication, he has been silently crying for a while now.

He rubs his eyes with the heels of his palms and pulls out his phone. He doesn't know why he does it. But he finds himself scrolling through his contacts and pressing call before he can think twice.

She picks up on the 4th ring. Mickey thinks maybe he would have preferred it if it had gone to voicemail.

"Mickey?" She sounds like she is somewhere crowded, Mickey can hear car horns softly in the background and the sound of high heels clicking on the sidewalk.

"Hey, Mandy." His voice is softer than he intended.

"Hey." There is a long pause before she continues and Mickey thinks that maybe this was a mistake. "I thought you were in Mexico."

"I am. How's LA?" God, this is awkward. Fuck, he and Mandy had never been good with words, even at the best of times. Now, after not speaking in years? What was he thinking?

"It's good, I'm good. I'm on my way to work actually."

"Oh, right. Do you want me to call you back? Sorry, I should have texted first."

"No, no, its fine. I still have a bit of a walk. What's going on?"

And that's it, isn't it? Nothing is going on, at least nothing that should have any affect on Mickey's life. But here he is, sitting on his shitty porch, drinking his third beer, and trying to keep his voice from betraying the fact that he's been crying.

It's just not fair. It's not fair that he should be out there, moved on to some new chapter of his life. Some new partner. While Mickey is here, still somehow waiting for him.

"Mick, you still there?"

"Yeah, I'm still here." He rubs his eyes again, pressing hard until he sees spots. He keeps them closed.

"You heard from Ian?"

It's out there now. The reason he called Mandy. The reason he was so distracted and irritable after seeing that college kid from Chicago wearing the "Gay Jesus" shirt. Alonzo had shoved him out of his apartment while they were counting the day's profits and told him to go fuck himself after his fourth nasty remark.  

"Yeah," Mandy answers, "I've heard from him."

"And?" Mickey asks, suddenly frustrated. He stares out across the balcony railing, streetlamps flickering and the warm glow from neighboring apartments illuminating the street below. They should be staring out at the street together.

"He called me a few day's ago. I guess you heard about the whole Gay Jesus thing. He stopped taking his meds, got in with the wrong people, blew up a van. His sentencing is on Friday."

"Jesus Christ." Mickey exclaims softly.

He's quiet then. He can hear the sound of a crosswalk through the phone and Mandy's heels on the pavement. He thinks she might have pressed the phone to her chest because he hears her greet someone softly and the background noise suddenly fades.

"I should go." Mickey says and he hates how his voice breaks. Hates that he let himself get this affected. Hates that he is here, alone, in his shitty apartment with his shitty job stranded in fucking Cabo of all places.

He is about to press end on his phone and go grab a fourth beer when Mandy's voice, suddenly clear, speaks again.

"He misses you, Mickey." And that is just too much.

"If he misses me so much," Mickey's voice wobbles dangerously, "why did he leave me in fucking Mexico?" And he is openly crying now. He knows Mandy can hear it. And he hates that too.

Mandy sighs. "He's fucked up Mickey. Just like we all are. But he does miss you. He's pissed at himself for going off his meds and embarrassed that he let it go so far, but I think if you called him, he would listen."

"But he wasn't off his meds last year. He was himself. Or maybe he wasn't, I don't fucking know. He kept saying that he had is life together. He said he had a boyfriend."

"Some fucking boyfriend he turned out to be." Mickey thinks he hears real anger in her voice then, and he reminds himself that Mandy cares about Ian too. That Ian's sentencing was probably just as hard for her to hear as it was for him.

"He didn't even notice that he was off his meds, Mick. He just let him spiral until it was too late to do anything about it. He didn't even go to his hearing."

Mickey could hear the sound of metal scraping in the background and he thinks maybe Mandy was opening her locker before her shift started.

"What should I do?" He knows he sounded desperate, lost, but he doesn't care. He is desperate and more than a little lost.

"You love him, and even though he may be shit at showing it, he loves you too. Figure it out, my shift is starting."

"Yeah," Mickey sighs, "Okay. Thanks, Mandy."

"Bye. Call me later if you want."

She hangs up and Mickey drops the phone to his lap.

This whole day was just too much. Mickey isn't sure what he had expected Mandy to say, but hearing that Ian had gone off his meds and blown up a van wasn't it. When he saw the kid's shirt, he assumed that Ian had taken a job as some sort of gay preacher or social media activist and was now living a cushy life with his boyfriend in one of the hipster neighborhoods up in Chicago. His boyfriend who was probably just as smart and attractive as Ian. Someone who appreciated craft beer, who wrote poetry, and drank soy milk. Not someone with a lengthy criminal record, a fucked up family, who didn't know how to love someone without driving them away.

Somehow, knowing that Ian's life was falling apart, that his boyfriend as a piece of shit, and that he was going to prison gave Mickey a sick sort of vindication. He would never have let things get that crazy. He would have noticed Ian's mood swings and erratic behavior. He would have taken care of him and set him straight before he could have hurt anyone. Before he could hurt himself.

But Mickey knows that isn't fair, and truthfully, he is more worried for Ian than anything else. He has no idea what mental state he is in or how long his sentence will last. And prison is no place for someone like Ian. He's too soft. Too caring. Too proud.

With a new resolve, he wipes his hands on his jeans and picks up his phone. He doesn't really know who to call about something like this, so he finds the phone number for the public defender's office.

The call is quick and to the point. He knows what he wants and he knows what he is going to risk.

He agrees to meet them at the border in Tijuana in two days.

In the morning he will have to get a bus, a nearly 24 hour drive up the coast. But now, for the first time in over a year, a calm settles over him.

The plastic picnic chair strains as he stands, scraping against the concrete of his balcony.

He's not scared of prison. Looking around his room, he realizes that he has been practically living in a prison cell since arriving in Cabo. He is scared of Ian, though. Scared that Mandy is wrong. That Ian doesn't love him and that he is giving up his freedom, his future, for a man who has left him heartbroken so many times before.

As he crawls into bed, arranging his limbs under a threadbare blanket, his mind jumps back to a lifetime ago.

What you and I have makes me free.

Mickey thinks that he was right, back then. There is no freedom for him without Ian Gallagher.

[mentalcurls]

9. Se vi faccio a tutti così schifo

Episode 9 of the Skam Italia S1 analysis! We’re almost at the end of the season already. This time, read my rants about a mysterious guy called Magistrali, Marti and Eva’s friendship and my refuted headcanons. As usual the Bechdel test result are at the end!

“What are you doing?” Silvia is all of us

girls, if only Eva has an headache, how on earth would you all be able to determine whether Sana’s doorkeeper’s technique works or not?

also, Sana has a doorkeeper, which points to 💰💰💰 just like Marisol does for the Fareses

Eva is caught off guard by Silvia’s question just like she was in ep.8 by her mother’s question: she genuinely forgot about the Edoardo thing, she must be focused on school, Giovanni and avoiding the worst consequence of the narrative of the cheating whore that has spread about her at school; on top of that, she expected Eleonora’s reaction when Edoardo followed her on IG and DMed her, which is why she warned her (see the messages from May 18th), not from Silvia who has no reason to know anything

except that Silvia is super aware of the social situation at school, so of course she’s always up to date with all the gossip that goes around, she was the one to tell the girls Federico had cheated on Alice, remember? And if it hadn’t been for the thing with Edoardo, she would have been the one to know about Alice hitting Federico during gym class in ep.7

EVA! Oh, darling,when Silvia asks what you and Edoardo talked about, you can’t look at Eleonora (even though she knows what you talked about) and then pretend you don’t remember! Eva is so bad at lying OMG

Silvia’s bullshit-o-meter is good, running smoothly and perfectly calibrated, except she only uses it when it suits her: she mostly doesn’t want to acknowledge it, like with Laura in ep.1 or with Edoardo, because it confirms all her worst fears about herself, that the popular people she admires so much don’t want her in their midst, on their level; but here Eva has a super low social standing (especially now) so Silvia has no problem confronting her about lying

it’s laundry day and all the dirty secrets that were on the bottom of the closets are being aired out

so on Monday May 14th there was the discussion with Laura outside of Eva’s classroom, which Silvia saw, and Eva gave her a super evasive explanation; on Friday May 18th Edoardo gave Eva a lift; now it’s Monday 21st and Silvia talked to Laura the night before: she clearly wasn’t convinced by Eva’s words from the beginning, but did at what point did the mysterious Magistrali tell her about Eva and Edo? Was it before she talked to Laura, was that the last straw? Or did Silvia talk to Laura first, and then spoke to Magistrali that day at school? Cause those are pretty different situations

btw if you check the chats, Silvia is suspiciously absent from the group chat that weekend, which would point more towards the first case, but if so then Magistrali must have contacted her specifically to tell her about seeing Eva with Edo during the weekend

who’s this Magistrali guy btw? Who is he for Silvia to trust him as a solid source? Who is he to be interested and involved in the whole drama with Silvia and Edoardo, how does he know?

on top of that, I get Silvia believing Laura, she had and has a lot of sway over Silvia, but why does she unquestioningly believe Magistrali? A guy?  Who we never heard of before? Instead of her girls?? Lots of questions, no answers

hate to agree with Edoardo Incanti himself, but Silvia should really not blindly trust all the rumors

Sana is so fiercely loyal, she’s literally a lioness with her cubs when it comes down to her friends

and just like Ele she does not stand for her friends being insulted because of their sex lives with misogynistic words infused with patriarchal connotations

even when Silvia is faced with evidence that she should not believe everything she hears when she hears the full story of the incident at Chicco Rodi’s party from Sana, she still only begins to doubt that Laura is the one holding all the truths

the thing is, if Eva went with Edo, that puts Silvia, in her mind, in the same position and at the same level as Laura, so it’s a chance to get back to a higher level of popularity, cause Silvia’s reputation has been dragged in the mud because of her confronting Edo about the wall of shame and because of her association with Eva; little does it matter that Laura and everyone else doesn’t see it that way, cause Silvia was only dating Edoardo in her mind and because it’s not like a boy cheating on you automatically makes you as popular as another, cooler girl who was cheated on as well

Silvia’s mind is so convoluted, I blame you entirely, Francesca Mirabella (not true, there are definitely some problems with the parenting there too)

“Shit, you’re my friend, I’d never do that to you” because Laura wasn’t your friend Eva? I get you’re word vomiting anything that comes to mind that might help you, but this really doesn’t

“SilviaH, mi credi?” should have prepared us for “MartinoH, guardami MartinoH”

Eleonora’s incredulous head shake

Sana and Eleonora are Eva’s real Parent Friends with the looks™, just look at Sana sigh then look at Ele and then at Eva

there is a pretty high chance that Silvia is the one that mobilized Federica to find out why they weren’t invited to the end-of-school party, I mean, she already had her Revenge Dress™ ready, she had been thinking about it three weeks earlier cause that was gonna be her 1994!Diana moment with Edoardo

would you look at that? Martino, who snubbed Rocco Martucci’s party, still knows enough to be able to tell Eva a) who’s organizing the party b) that Maria is Alice’s best friend c) that the whole Federico debacle is the reason for the missed invite

I don’t know what hurts more: Marti’s “Scusami” after Eva’s tirade or Eva’s “No, I’m sorry, I’m not mad at you”

I NEED TO KNOW MORE ABOUT THIS FRIENDSHIP! I can’t decide how long Marti and Eva have been friends, if it started when they were kids, kind of like with Marti and Gio, so they were a trio of sorts, except then they became tweens and suddenly girls were gross so Eva was left behind until they ended up in the same class in high school, so they got closer again, at first just as friendly classmates, then as proper friends when the Laura-Gio-Eva thing begun; or if Eva and Marti simply met in high school cause they ended up in the same class and at some point the professors decide they absolutely had to keep Rametta far from Garau and Brighi far from Pandakovic because they were alway distracted and talking so Eva and Marti ended up in sitting next to each other when the two couple of BFFs were switched and they became close then (while Gio and Laura fell for each other); or if started even more recently, only after Gio started dating Laura, so basically while Marti and Eva were forced to third-and-fourth wheel, except then would he know her better enough to say “You wouldn’t have quit, before?” I NEED ANSWERS

“Eva, kick their asses!” EASY FOR YOU TO SAY YOU HYPOCRITE, I hope you went to church and confessed your sins before saying this kind of motivational shit, snake boy

I feel Eva taking deep breaths and talking herself into talking to Maria deep in my bones

btw, I’ve been wanting to say for a few episodes, but those mini skirts (both Eva’s in past episodes and Maria’s friends’) wouldn’t have been allowed at all in my high school, such bad representation!1!1!!1!

Maria Sorgato is such a mood! She’s a couple of weeks away from the maturità, she’s studying and revising like crazy, she’s organizing a huge party on top of that, she don’t got no time to follow the rumor mill, to keep track of people from other years or to specifically exclude people from parties

and she takes the time to give Eva semi-valuable advice anyways (which is pretty similar to what her BFF Alice told Eva at the party btw)! And she refuses to let her friends shame her for her sex life! An icon

and here we have another absolute ICON, Miss Federica Cacciotti, who should totally try her hand at the trapeze cause she definitely had to pull some stunning acrobatics to pull that off

I heard about that method Federica mentions actually: a friend of mine in uni treid it a couple of times to balance work and studying more easily, but she ended up being super stressed on the day of the exam because she didn’t feel confident in what she knew the exams always went poorly

Ele is really pissed off that Silvia doesn’t believe Eva, I think because she feels that after all the support they’ve been giving her, the least Silvia can do is give Eva the benefit of the doubt

noooo, what do you mean Silvia’s not talking to Fede?? They’re inseparable! And it totally invalidates my theory about Silvia having Fede write to Eva about the party bc of the 1994!Diana inspired revenge plan

Sana = the voice of reason, she’s seeing the signs (maybe because she’s seen the signs of breakdowns on other people before, albeit from afar?? *hint hint*)

this is the episode of Sana’s revelations, she’s kind of a deus ex machina

and now the big confrontation: Eva’s got something to say and enough blackmail material to force Laura to listen and she’s not gonna be stopped, dismissed or interrupted

noooo, there goes my theory about Eva Gio and Marti having known one another since primary school, since Eva says she didn’t know anyone when she started high school (💔 it was my fave theory)

on the other hand, I feel ya baby Eva, I too started liceo classico without knowing anyone in my class and only two people in the entire school 💖

on the other hand, let’s talk about Laura: she knew people, so she probably was already somewhat cool among them, and still she went out of her way to extend a hand to the new girl who knew nobody; she was kind and generous and nothing like the person we’ve seen until now. I struggled to believe Gio could have ever liked her up until this moment. The break-up and the resentment she held until this episode was like a poison and turned her into a pretty mean person, but I think that she’s not like that, deep inside.

or maybe she just saw potential in Eva to be the Karen to her Regina and Sara’s Gretchen so she went and befriended her and my theories are all shit

CAN WE TALK about how many of these kids mention not being able to sleep?? Eva has done it two times now, with her mom and with Laura now, Marti will soon start having troubles as well when his dad walks out and in S2 he will repeatedly say he’s been struggling with insomnia; I can’t specifically remember anyone else saying they’re not sleeping but I feel like Silvia or Gio might have said or implied something in past episodes: this is not normal, this is not healthy, at the very least their parents should all be making them drink gallons of chamomile tea!

so Gio and Laura were not doing good and Laura was thinking of breaking up with him already: what a perfectly textbook YA romance novel triangle, and what a perfectly teenager-ish, less-than-logical reason to hold a grudge for this long Laura had

and Eva is so great in this scene: she explains clearly what her thought process was, she takes responsibility for her actions, she apologizes but doesn’t ask to be forgiven and for everything to go back to what it was, aiming for an easier, more attainable goal

oh, and Alice is back, with as many anger management issues as always

Eva puts herself physically between Laura and Alice: she’s been there and she doesn’t want Laura to be on the other side of Alice’s slap

AND FINALLY SOMEONE SAYS IT EXPLICITLY: Federico is the asshole that goes around cheating systematically on girls, the girls themselves aren’t exactly blameless but they’re not the sole responsible people and they shouldn’t be treated as such

“I’m not able to break up with him” what does that mean?? You realize you’re in a toxic relationship, you ask for help and get the hell out of it as soon as possible! Queen Maria Sorgato, don’t tell me you’re too busy with school and stuff to help your best friend dump an asshole, please! Go support her!

Alice seems like an asshole, but she really simply doesn’t know how to channel her anger properly: she is honestly interested in how thing go for Eva and her boyfriend (even though she’s got the wrong man here), maybe because she empathizes more with him than with her, but let’s not forget that she talked with Eva about Gio before, so that might play a part in it, too

the earth literally falling out from under Eva’s feet as soon as Alice says Martino’s name, the bottom of her stomach dropping, the breath being punched out of her lungs, oh my God

Bechdel test: this episode passes the test, thank God these girls start dealing with their messes without boys and shit finally gets done.

This post is part of my complete series of meta about Skam Italia season 1.  If you’d like to read more of my thoughts about the other episodes, you can find the mastepost linked in the top bar on my blog under SKAMIT: EVA. Cheers!

[henclair]

hhhhey could you do dustin/lucas hcs? just in general bc the bois

ohhh boy i love the bois

-They get together because all their friends are dating each other

-Mike and Will are dating and Max and El are dating so Dustin and Lucas feel really annoyed with all the PDA so they start making out like Bros do

-Spoiler alert: It’s Not Just Bro Things

-They find out it’s not just Bro Things when they’re fighting and Lucas says “Goddamnit why do I have to be in love with you?”

-Dustin starts laughing so hard he cries and then he pulls Lucas back down to wrestle with him

-They talk it out with their friends present bc like any dumb teenagers Dustin doesn’t respond to how Lucas loves him so they don’t rlly talk let alone make out for a few days and Max is done™

-Dustin “well shit does this mean we’re dating?” Henderson

-Lucas “I hate that i’m in love with you dumbass” Sinclair

-All their dates are to the arcade, like literally all of them

-2 player games? All the time now

-Dustin cheats like a mf when they’re playing together, he tickles and kisses and shoves Lucas

-“It’s to establish dominance in the relationship Lucas!”

-“Oh I’ll show you dominance!”

-Lucas gets a job at the arcade once they’re old enough and then he can edit the high scores so when he and Dustin fight he puts himself on the high score for all the games

-Dustin worked there for a day but he got fired because he was constantly challenging kids to play and he would charge them wayyyy extra if he lost, so he never did his work

-Dustin calls Lucas “Lando” as a (nerdy) pet name

-Lucas has no nickname for Dustin besides “Dumbass” and “Dipshit”

-Lucas’s little sister catches them kissing literally all the fucking time

-“So this is the real reason why you don’t hang out with girls, huh Lucas.” “Do your homework and leave us alone.”

-They never go to the snowball together because it’s too coupley but they do go to school science fair award dinners when they win

-Oh did I mention? Science power couple

-They have won the science fair for their grade every year since 5th grade and no one has the skills to beat them or even come close

-Their science teachers literally give them the keys to their rooms, and eventually when they’re older, the key to the labs

-They definitely abuse this power lowkey

-Neither of their homes have privacy, so no privacy between Lucas’s sister and Dustin’s mom they feel trapped in Hawkins when they wanna just be together

-So they hang out in trees in the woods

-(Hang out? You mean make out and bicker?)

-They have A Tree.

-It’s got a lot of branches so they end up deconstructing a waterproof tent and setting up a badly made tree house

-“Castle Byers 2.0”

-Will and Mike like to hang out there with Lucas and Dustin but they make sure to pull on the string that rings a bell just in case…

-Dustin is 100% a stoner in high school

-He’s very cuddly when he’s high, like very very cuddly

-He and Eleven get high together and they both rant about how cute their signifs are

-Lucas hates the smell of weed but he puts up with it because he loves his boyfriend

-Dustin also tells secrets when he’s high and they’re not always things he fully means so it’s a very awkward thing at first when he’s high around friends (specifically around Lucas)

-“Dude if I liked guys I’d be in love with you.” “Dustin you’re pansexual, you like everyone.” “Woah! Sweet! I love you!” “I know Dustin.”

-Dustin is pansexual and Lucas doesn’t know his sexuality, all he knows is that he loves Dustin

-“So you’re questioning?” “Yeah, questioning why I put up with your shit.”

-The walkie T A L K I E S

-They chat all night tbh, and wake each other up too

-They also learned how to hack the walkie talkies so they can hear conversations on “private” channels and that’s how they get dirt on people

-Lucas tells Dustin he hates him and it’s just the whole “no you don’t” “…no i don’t” thing

-Dustin plays music over the walkie talkies and Lucas freaks out bc Dustin it’s 1 am

-That’s how he asks him to homecoming every year once they get into high school

-Modern Love by David Bowie is the song Dustin uses every year without fail

-He plays it at 9:30 on the dot the day before homecoming and asks Lucas to “accompany him” over their walkie talkies

-Mike and Will listen in tbh

-When it’s senior year Lucas is the one to ask Dustin to prom

-The only way he beats Dustin is he calls at 9:29, a minute before Dustin was going to call, and he plays Modern Love and they both cry when Lucas goes “accompany me to Prom dipshit” and Dustin replies “Oh Lando, thought I’d have to make the first move again” (even though Dustin’s never made the first move ever)

-Dustin’s mom takes so many mf pictures and Lucas’s sister teases them for matching

-Prom is loud and they dance too much and sweat a lot

-When like literally any slow song comes on they’re kinda swaying in place and whispering

-“This is, pretty queer dude.” “Lucas how can I even begin to explain how dumb a sentence that is.”

-Fast songs they jam and lose it with their friends

-They both literally cry when the song Modern Love plays

-But they leave halfway through and hang out on the bleachers of their middle school and Dustin wants to get high but Lucas asks him to not so sweetly that he doesn’t

-Lucas lays down on the bleachers bc he’s exhausted and sweaty and gross and Dustin kinda doesn’t know what to do because it’s so intimate without being sexual

-Dustin eventually opts for taking off his jacket and unbuttoning his shirt and laying with his head on Lucas’s stomach

-Lucas can’t breathE

-Will and Mike join them later and they all sit, the og 4 being so absolutely in love and so absolutely happy

-Will and Mike lowkey are making out and Lucas and Dustin just fondly look at each other bc look at those repressed feelings getting out

-Max and El come after prom is over and they go to the arcade because Lucas has a key

-Truth or dare bc they’re nerds who still love it even though they tell each other most everything

-Dustin picks truth at one point and he doesn’t want to tell the truth so he just yells “Shove a test tube up my ass!” And Lucas responds with “Ok.” causing the first death of the night to be Dustin Henderson

-Lucas and Dustin end up sleeping in the back room bc the others have left

-Boss is so pissed but honestly? They’re teens

-They make their characters fall in love in D&D, they force Mike to make it an arc

-“Come on guys we should be doing a mission!” “Mike. Please.” “No!” “You’d do it for you and Will if he asked.” “… Fine.”

-It’s a really dumb arc, lots of cheesy pining and flirting and Will absolutely thinks it is the funniest shit ever so Mike only continues it for him (and because he loves his friends)

-Lucas Sinclair is whipped

-Jump how high doesn’t even begin to cover it

-Dustin has no idea the amount of control he has

-(He does he just doesn’t use it)

-The two still bicker and wrestle a lot and now with an undercurrent of sexual tension

-“Stop looking at my boner when we fight!” both of them at some point

-Their parents just know™ even if they’ve never really come out about their relationships or sexualities

-Dustin’s mom is super supportive and gives him money for dates and lets him stay out later as long as it’s not just him and Lucas (spoiler alert: they lie a lot and are alone)

-Lucas’s mom is very skeptical that the two are being safe because they’re impulsive teenage boys but since her son already gets bullied so much she figures that she should let him live and not give him more pressure to be something he’s not

-Lucas’s dad is not homophobic, but he’s not ok with the thought that his son is growing up and falling in love, he cries a lot when thinking about how he can’t protect his son

-They flirt a lot be honest

-One time to one up Max and Eleven they started fucking going at it in the middle of the street

-Dustin does his little purr to Lucas and Lucas m e l t s

-Lucas would never admit it but that purr has been the bane of his heart’s existence since day one

-Dustin overhears Lucas’s sister call him “Lukey” and so he uses it and it annoys Lucas until the boy snaps and tells Dustin that it’s “Making him too sappy so stop”

-Lucas once calls Dustin “Han” and Dustin doesn’t shut up about it for the rest of the week

-No PDA at school they already get bullied enough, but they do leave locker notes

-Dustin keeps them in his backpack in a seperate section of his science binder

-Science & Lucas go together

-“Nice jeans Sinclair, could they get any tighter?” “Yeah they could so shut the fuck up.”

-There was unresolved sexual tension until senior year and literally all their friends noticed the resolution

-Lucas cannot stand how fluttery his heart gets when Dustin calls him nicknames

-Dustin knows this and doesn’t care

-All in all the boys are in love and :’))