#i so dont have enough space at home for the way i like to spread my work out djxnxn

[nedsseveredhead]

I actually hate working from home like dndnx where is my beautiful desk. My panic button. My cat has stolen my lunch

[breezybangtanbebe]

ExBoyfriendNamjoon was a little pathetic if you were being honest. Dig through that hard-bodied exterior, and you’d find that he’s as gummy as puddy when it came to you. Two years of being with him and putting up with the crazy schedules, lack of communication due to them, having to jump through hoops to conceal your relationship , all while dating rumors with other people in the industry didnt bode too well for the union in the end.

So when you’d had enough of his aloofness and emotional unavailability, walking away from him was mostly hard because he made it that way.

The extravagant gifts he’d send.

The endless late night calls and drunk texts.

The pop ups at your home.

The dead look in his tired eyes that pinned you with his repetitive questions.

“Why wont you talk to me?”

“Why cant we work this out?”

“Why did you just leave without hearing me?”

It was always the same.

But it was never something you minded when his insistence landed him between your legs, mumbling his pleas against your pussy.

Namjoon’s tongue felt like velvet against your puffy folds and you laid there spread for him on your bed with a hand resting against his spiky blonde buzz cut.

This was a new look for him but you weren't mad at it.

“Hmm?” you tucked your lips together and hummed partially for him to repeat what he’d just said, while also reacting to his skilled tongue on your clit.

Namjoon pauses licking you to lift his head.

“I said, just fucking come back to me already.” his voice thick and deep from emotion. It does a few things to you, your heart aching at the sadness in his tone. It also made your walls clench around the fingers paused inside of you that had been rubbing at your spot teasingly while he ate.

You lean up on your elbow as you panted, your own voice hoarse from moaning, and give your ex a quizzical look.

“Why should I? Youre the one who pushed me away..”

Namjoon should have expected such a response but he still seems confused.

“What do you mean? Im here arent I? Why would I push you away?”

You sigh.

This wasnt the time for another back and forth session with Kim Namjoon, the fucking debate king. He was just nose deep in your cunt a second ago, licking your towards a much needed orgasm after the week you’d had. Hell, if you knew letting him come over would result in a rehash of the last 2 months, you would have left him on read.

Being horny on a dull Saturday night with your ex was dangerous waters to be in.

“Y-you always do this! Namjoon, I..” you try to begin but the words morph into a sharp gasp and moan when those damned lips of his latch on to your clit. He suckles it in pulses while tapping it with the tip of his tongue. His two long middle and index fingers resume plunging in and out of you, pressing upwards to stimulate you exactly where he knew you needed.

“Oh shit..” you inhale sharply, your jaw dropping and brows pinching together while your hand pressed flat against the back of Namjoon’s head.

He groans and closes his eyes when you pressed him harder against your heat, his free hand coming up to lay flat against your tummy.

He had you fully naked while he’d only shed his shirt before getting down to business, so you knew his dick was hard and leaking in the confines his underwear and sweats.

Part of you wanted him in your mouth too, missing the taste of his pre cum and the weight of his girth on your tongue. But you knew he didnt deserve that type of treatment right now.

Hell, he knew that. Hence why he was working so hard on making you come undone all over his face.

The desperation was palpable with every sloppy kiss, lick, and suck against your swollen clit, and Namjoon’s fingers were pushing you towards dangerous heights. Your brain was close to going blank and settling in the type of head space where he could ask you anything and you’d leave your ego out of the answer.

“Please. Come back to me. Everything will be different. Dont you miss me? Dont you miss this?” he mumbled hurriedly after pulling off of your clit, his fingers steadily rubbing your g-spot.

Your keening is all you can manage, both of your hands now fisting at the sheets under you.

“Yes..fuck yes..” you slur, not even sure of what youre saying. Namjoon kept his eyes on your fucked out expression as he dove back in, lapping his long tongue over your clit a few more times.

“Yeah? Miss the way I make you feel? Miss the way I eat this pussy baby?”

His words were doing exactly what they were meant to do, push you into that blank space of lust drunkenness with a heightened desperation to cum.

And you knew you would. You always did. Namjoon was the type of man that wouldn't let up until you were shaking and calling his name, roughing him up with your nails dragging through his short cut.

He would always moan with you when you came, his husky groan vibrating against your pussy and damn near overstimulating you. His tongue slows its circles of infinity over your sensitive bud and the full warmth of his mouth smothers your pussy as he savors the taste of your fresh release.

One would think it was a fine wine the way it warmed his body and made the urge to pull his dick out and stroke it with your wetness on his fingers overwhelming.

“Fuck..” he exhaled at the thought, dragging his tongue up and down your seam to coax you back down from wherever his mouth had sent you. Your body goes limp, the hand that returned to Namjoon’s head sliding down the side of his face.

When you opened your eyes and gaze down at him, youre shocked to find his eyes just as teary as yours.

You sit up on your elbow again and frown worriedly down at your ex.

“Joon..” you call to him with what little of a voice you have at the moment, and your hand idles at his cheek.

His languid licks are replaced by tender kisses on your lower lips, then to your inner thigh. Then your palm. His lips are pillow soft and swollen from how passionately he was eating you, and they do little to ease you away from being stimulated towards wanting to cum all over his face again. He takes mercy on you though, leaning into your caress with his earnest eyes still locked with yours.

“I know Im a fucking mess. And I know how hard it is to be with someone like me..” Namjoon starts, holding your full attention.

“You deserve so much more. But I'm too selfish..I dont want anyone else to have you. I want...I need you to myself..” he sniffles.

You were still chasing your next breath when your fingers began stroking his face. Your thumb catches a fat tear that managed to escape and it inspires another to fall from his opposite eye.

Namjoon wasnt a crier. While he was emotionally expressive (usually through his music), it was very rare for him to allow himself to cry.

Especially in front of you.

Something you’d always resented.

“Joonie..” you sit up and Namjoon’s wide hands lift your legs from over his shoulders.

“I dont blame you for walking away.” he shakes his head, stopping you from speaking before he could lay all of his feelings bare.

“..but I just needed you tonight. Im enlisting soon and..and I just...” his voice breaks, the fear and smothering emotions seizing is tongue. You shush him immediately and scoot towards the edge of the bed to embrace him.

The two of you remained in this suggestive position with Namjoon on his knees at the edge of your bed,his large arms hugging your naked waist with his head resting on your tummy. You were fully sitting up now with your hands running over his back and over his head affectionatley.

Truth was, you did miss Namjoon. Terribly. It killed you to catch clips of his lives and seeing how tired and dejected he looked. How it seemed like he’d lost weight and wasnt sleeping or eating well. You knew he’s been drinking more often, and the scent of cigarettes mixing with his cologne let you know he’d picked up that habit again. It was clear that he’d been a mess without you.

And to be even more honest, you werent doing that hot yourself.

But there were just too many issues to work through with him that you both knew he’d never have the time to do with the type of career he has.

Tonight didn't need to be about that though.

Tonight, you were perfectly fine with allowing Namjoon to pleasure you since he knew exactly what you liked.

You both needed that.

[lfghughes]

Heyy could you please do a blurb with trevor where him and his gf are at a party and some guy starts flirting with his gf and won't stop so trevor gets super protective and fights the guy please

a/n: promised some trevor things to fill in the hole of him being out injured right now. dont worry jack peeps i got you next.

warnings: violence mentioned

Summer was full of endless fun. There was work too but not as much work as when hockey season came around and your boyfriend who was fully committed to the sport was constantly either at games or other events for his team. Right now you were just grateful for the warm weather and all the free time to travel..

Tonight the both of you plus some of his friends went to some party but you lost sight of him about fifteen minutes ago when him and Jack went to go grab some more drinks while you stayed behind talking to some of your own friends. Your moment of fun came to a halt though when some random guy came up to you.

“Hey, hope you didn’t come with any of these guys because no way any of these losers would know what to do with a girl like you.” The guy said and you cringed at his words. “Actually I have a boyfriend, he’s getting me a drink and he does just fine with me.” You told him offering a small awkward smile as you hoped he’d go away.

“Well maybe I can show you how much better I am.” He told you and suddenly after you waited nearly twenty minutes for him, Trevor and Jack were finally back. “Hey man, move out of my way so I can get to my girl.” He warned the guy and you had a feeling he had heard the last few words. “And if I don’t?” The guy asked as uneasiness spread in your stomach.

You watched as Trevor handed his drink over to Jack who seemed to realize exactly what his best friend was going to do. Before you could even try to stop him, Trevors fist flew into the other guy and a fight ensued. You weren’t sure at what point it stopped but eventually Jack had put the drinks down and managed to pull Trevor off of him.

“We need to go.” Jack said to the both of you and you just nodded your head in shock. The car ride back home was quiet, Trevor was still running on anger and you were still upset about the whole thing. Meanwhile Jack was just good enough to read the room and know no one wanted to talk right now.

Once you got home you went straight up to your room, not really in the mood to talk and it was clear Trevor needed some space too. After a couple of hours Trevor showed up at the door “Are you mad at me?” He asked, his voice quiet and you could tell your answer would hurt him. “I’m not mad, I’m just I don’t know. I don’t like seeing you like that…you know outside of the game.”

You’ve seen him get upset before, you’ve seen him throw hands before but never outside of a game. He walked over, sitting on the edge of the bed and on instinct you moved so you could be in his arms. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to ruin your night.” He whispered to you and you shook your head. “The other guy ruined my night not you. I just don’t want to see you like that again.”

“I’m sorry, I promise I’ll do better” He told you and you snuggled into him more. “Thank you for sticking up for me.” You whispered to him and a small smile spread on his lips. “Always.”

[rvzcvx]

HEYYY i dont really fanfictions but idk,I really liked one of your fanfictions ,is it possible to have a FanFiction with bill x m!reader Or reader non gender ?🎀 With 2005 bill cause he's my favorite Era,I want something cute and fluff cause he was 16..I just had the idea that bill and reader don't really understand it because like bill speak.german and he doesn't understand english and reader doesn't understand german😭!Afterwards for the rest I leave you free ideas! because I trust you

Love you🫶

THE LANGUAGE OF LOVE

pairing: 2005 bill x male reader

warnings: nothing, just fluff

a/n: im sorry for not posting for so long but i had to focus on school. i promise that i will try to post more often!! and btw i love you too, i hope youre gonna like what i wrote

I still couldn't believe it, I was sitting in the living room of Bill Kaulitz, my boyfriend, from my favorite band. It felt surreal, like a dream I never wanted to wake up from.

The room was filled with posters, CDs, and personal items that gave it a cozy vibe. Bill was in the kitchen, making us some tea. I could hear him humming softly, his voice always managing to soothe my nerves.

We met a few months ago after one of his concerts. I had been a fan for years, and the opportunity to see him perform live was a dream come true. I never imagined that I would actually meet him, let alone start a relationship with him. It was hard at first, with him speaking mainly German and me only knowing English, but we found ways to communicate.

Bill walked back into the room, holding two steaming cups of tea. He smiled warmly and handed me one. "Hier, für dich." he said, his accent making the words sound even more special.

"Danke." I replied, one of the few German words I had mastered. I smiled back at him, feeling a warmth spread through me.

We sat in comfortable silence for a few moments, sipping our tea. Bill looked at me, his eyes full of affection and something else I couldn't quite place.

"You... like the tea?" he asked, his English slow but deliberate. "Yes" I nodded, "It's perfect, just like everything you do."

Bill blushed, a soft pink tint coloring his cheeks. "Danke, mein liebling." he said, reaching out to take my hand. His touch was gentle and reassuring, a silent promise that everything was going to be okay.

We had learned to bridge the gap between our languages with gestures, smiles, and a lot of patience. Bill would teach me simple German phrases, and I would help him with his English. It was a process, but one that brought us even closer.

Bill set his cup down and moved closer to me on the couch. He pulled me into a warm embrace, and I rested my head on his shoulder, feeling the rise and fall of his breath. We stayed like that for a while, just holding each other, letting the unspoken words fill the space between us. His arms around me were my safe haven, a place where I felt completely at home.

After a while, Bill pulled back slightly, just enough to look into my eyes. "You... make me very happy." he said, his English improving day by day.

"You make me happy too, Bill." I replied, my voice barely above a whisper. "More than you'll ever know."

Bill's smile widened, and he leaned in for a kiss. Our lips met in a soft, lingering kiss that spoke of all the things we couldn't yet say in words. When we finally pulled apart, we were both breathless, but content.

He wrapped his arms around me again, pulling me close. "Ich liebe dich." he whispered into my ear. I had learned that phrase early on. "I love you too, Bill" I replied.

As the evening turned into night, we continued to talk, laugh, and simply enjoy each other's company. It didn't matter that we spoke different languages; what mattered was the love we shared and the bond that grew stronger every day.

By the time we decided to call it a night, I felt more connected to Bill than ever. We climbed into bed, cuddling close under the warm blankets. Bill held me tight, his presence a comforting weight next to me.

"Gute nacht , mein Liebling." he murmured sleepily. "Goodnight, Billy." I replied, feeling my eyes grow heavy.

As I drifted off to sleep, I knew that whatever challenges we faced, we would face them together. Our love was stronger than any language barrier, and that was all that mattered. In Bill's arms, I felt at home, loved, and understood. And that was a feeling that needed no translation.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

Aita for blocking a friend on instinct? So i (f16) have this friend, (m16) we can call him D, who i've been friends with since kindergarten.

About a year ago, i started growing very close to D through our friend group's dnd campaign we held every friday. I knew him for a long time but that was the first time we had started hanging out out of school. We were talking on snapchat every night just chatting and after a while he started to send much more... revealing snaps. Just his bare shoulders but like without a shirt. He said it was because he had to let his medication for his back dry. I was a little uncomfortable, but we were friends so i didnt think that it would escalate into anything weird.

After about a month, D starts sending snaps in a towel and pictures of his chest which made me very uncomfortable. I kind of let the chatting die down after that because it was the only way i could think of that would be enough to gently let him down easy (i was wrong). I stopped going to the hangouts with that group and kind of distanced myself because how uncomfortable D made me. This only made D try harder to get my attention.

I was still friends with the others in the group so i would often have one-on-one hangouts with the others and watch tv. One thing we watched was Miraculous and we laughed and joked about it all the time. D overheard us or something and went home and binge watched the entire series in a week. Then everytime i ate lunch with that friend group, D would always make direct references to Miraculous or sing the theme song really loud. This wasnt once a day, D would make miraculous references every single minute. He became obsessed with the show (which, for reference of how weird it was, D is a very religious Christian boy. He gets upset if he gets an A- and never drinks caffeine (no problem with any of those things but just understand that kind of guy being deep within the fandom of Miraculous out of all shows 😭)). It was so bad, and it once again was making me very uncomfortable.

Eventually, it got to an insufferable point where D changed his route to go home and made sure to pass me every day after school and wave. I started avoiding him in the halls, he would always ask obscure questions that werent that important. I couldn't understand why he couldn't get that i didnt want to be friends with him anymore so i set boundaries.

A text i sent to D: i apologize if i ever caused any misunderstanding, but i would like to make it clear that im not romantically interested in you. i can see that you have been trying to grow closer, but i dont feel the same way. i don't appreciate being followed around, and i dont like when people force themselves to like the same things i like. its not attractive to be a copy of someone. i enjoy being your friend but it's difficult to disregard these things. if im being totally honest, when you do things like this, it makes me really uncomfortable and borderline creeped out. i know crushes wont disappear overnight but i would appreciate more space. if youre looking for a girlfriend, this isnt the right person, nor the right way to get it. and i wont tell anyone about this so dont worry about word spreading or anything. thank you

D's response: Oh, I'm so sorry I made you think that! I don't have a crush on you, I just noticed how you don't hang out with our friend group as often and I just wanted to make sure that I was being as nice as possible to make sure you weren't mad at us or anything. I did start to think that maybe me trying all that made me seem clingy or annoying, so I'm really sorry for all of that. Thanks for bringing this to my attention, I'll try to do better now!

This didnt sit right with me because after all of that i cannot fathom how that translates to "i wanted to include you". This made me question a lot about the situation.

Reasons i feel like i MBTA: i'm over thinking things and D could be a genuinely a nice person. Its hard for me to read the room and i need to work on that and probably apologize to D.

Reasons i feel like i MNBTA: i should trust my instincts rather than ignore them. I've had a psychological abuser in my family before and the situation could be a stalker behavior that i've learned is not ok to have.

What are these acronyms?

[issdisgrace]

I love your works!! Can I please request a fluff fic of poly ghost soap and ftm reader?

AFTER A LONG DAY

WARNINGS: None

A/N: The reader being ftm takes a little bit of a back seat but i still think you will like anon and sorry if you dont

It had been a long, tiring day, and all I wanted to do was to curl up in between Johnny and Simon and sleep. I sigh as I open the apartment door. Finally, in the comfort of home. I shut and lock the door behind me before taking my shoes off, setting them in their spot on the shoe rack. 

“I’m home.” I call out as I head into the kitchen to get a snack. Looking in the fridge, there’s nothing my stomach is deeming appetizing, so I close the fridge only to get jumped scared by Simon.

“Goddamnit Simon, what the fuck have I told you about jump scaring me?”

“Sorry.”

“Sigh, it’s ok. Where’s Johnny?”

“He’s in the bedroom under way too many blankets. He’s also been forcing me to watch The Golden Girls.”

“Sounds nice.”

“I guess.” Simon says, wrapping his arms around me. I rest my head on his chest as he gently moves my hair off my forehead to give me a kiss there. 

“You had a rough day at work, didn’t you?” He asks. 

“Yeah, the manger been of her bullshit and kept dead naming me today. I’m gonna report her tomorrow to the boss. I don’t think he’ll be too happy with her, considering he has a trans son.” 

“Hmm, maybe he’ll finally fire her.”

“I can only hope.”

“Wheres my love.” Johnny says as he walks toward us. I smile at Johnny and open my arms for him. He hugs me tightly, giving me a quick kiss on the lips. Simon wraps his arms around the both of us, a small smile on his face.

“I love you guys.” I say.

“Love you too, Y/n.” Simon says out.

“Ew that’s gay.” Soap jokes.

“Yep, and if you're not careful, we’ll spread it to you.” I joke back. Simon lets out a little laugh. 

“But in all seriousness, I would like to get out of these clothes and into something more comfortable.” I say.

“Ooo then we can watch golden girls together.” Johnny says excitedly.

“Ughh please no more.” Simon groans.

“We both know you like golden girls.” Johnny says.

“He’s right Simon. Now both of you please unhand me please.” They both groan as they let go of me.

“Thank you.” I say as I start towards the bedroom. Walking into the bedroom I head to closet I pick out one of Simon’s sweatshirts and nab a pair of Johnnys shorts. Stripping, I quickly change, throwing my dirty clothes into the hamper. Walking out of the closet, Johnny and Simon are already in bed waiting for me, enough space in between them for me. Crawling over Johnny, I plop myself in the middle of them.

“You’re so handsome.” Johnny says he cuddles into my side.

“You’re very handsome too, Johnny.”

“No, you’re the most handsome-est man I have ever met in my whole life.” I laugh at Johnny, shaking my head a little.

“I’m not so sure about that Johnny, Simon’s pretty handsome.” 

“He’s pretty, you’re handsome.” 

“You hear that Simon, you’re pretty.”

“Hmm, I heard,” Simon says, more focused on looking for a show that wasn’t the golden girls. Truly not wanting to spend another couple hours watching it. 

“Its true Simon is pretty and you're handsome, very handsome and your voice has been dropping and your growing facial hair, so how couldn’t I think you're the handsome-est man I have ever met?”

“I’m flattered, Johnny.”

“He’s right, you know,” Simon says, giving me a kiss on my head.

“Thank you both. I appreciate it.”

“It’s no big deal and besides, we love you and we are so proud of you.” Johnny says.

“Very proud you’ve come a long way in your transition so far.” Simon adds.

“Thank you, the both if you. I fucking love the both of you so much.” I say before giving both of them a kiss. 

“We love you two,” Johnny and Simon say in a weird synchronicity. 

“Well, because you both love me so much, can I get some more kisses?”

“We can do that.” Johnny says as he gives me a kiss.

[illusioncanthurtme]

What exactly is your version on dib like? I mean, we all know that he’s a creep and a weirdo, but what’s his story? (Also I absolutely love your work, you’re super talented)

SO glad you asked.

In all seriousness, I don't have any set story for him. He's just dib, but in his early 20s. The main difference between him and young dib (besides appearance obviously) is that he's had some emotional development. Keyword: some. People like to use the word maladjusted when talking about dib, and that does apply to my interpretation. He doesnt get out much, and he has some unhealthy behaviors (ahem obsession ahem) But he HAS emotionally matured since being a kid. He's a bit nicer, and he's gotten used to some of the mistreatment/bitterness, and shrugs it off with a smile.

As for a "story," I just like to imagine him in circumstances with the other characters, and ill focus on whatever I find funny or interesting. It's all for fun, I like to Doodle random plots in my head, but I'm not going to do or make anything with them. But here's where my thoughts tend to land most of the time:

He HAS moved out of his dad's place. I initially had him still at home, (because I still live at home, and I tend to project onto characters), but after giving it some thought, I realized that dib with his own place was maybe more believable. I don't think he'd want to be in his dad's shadow. This way he can do his parascience in peace and spread out. SO he lives in a downtown apartment. Gaz is his upstairs neighbor! (this way they still live together, but also not really. They kind of have roomate vibes. They see each other a lot) it is a very small apartment, the kind with a kitchen area, a bathroom, and one room for your living space/bed.

(Random idea I'm toying with that kind of doesn't make sense but also?? Whatever: SOMEHOW- dib built a secret basement under the apartment complex, and you access it by entering a code into the elevator buttons. It's his lab. DONT FUCKING ASK how he managed to DIG A BASEMENT - because I don't fucking know. But with how stupid people are in iz, I'm sure he figured out a way to be discreet or fool people??? Thats where hes got taks ship. He painted it blue)

Uhhhh what else...

I like to imagine 2 potential scenarios, and in both, zim had gone missing for a decade. In one, he comes back. In the other, dib sets out to find him. There is another part to that I'm gonna leave out, because I want to draw something and show you that way. Hopefully I'll draw that soon.

Ok, enough rambling now. If I have more thoughts to add on, maybe I'll reblog and add them.

But THANK YOU FOR THE ASK!!!! I was so pleasantly surprised to see this. I wasn't expecting to have an opportunity to ramble and I am super thankful, and honestly flattered that you'd be interested :')💞 (and thank you so much!! 🥺)

[wzrd-wheezes]

The Wolf's Arms: Part One. Marauders x Reader

This is a purely self indulgent fic about two things that I love. The marauders and the pub. This will probably turn into a series of fics that don’t really link because I have so many ideas for it. It’s not set in a particular time period, mainly like 70’s ish but there might be some modern things sprinkled in along the way just for shits and giggles. Sorry if that’s annoying but I love creating my own time period so I can have things exactly the way I want them haha. Please let me know if this fic is hard to understand as I know there will be a lot of references to UK culture things along the way (not in this part I dont think) – feel free to drop me an ask if there’s anything you don’t understand/want me to explain.  This is a platonic!marauders x reader fic

Friday night pub nights had become a monthly occurrence for them now. It was any excuse really. Sad? Pub. Celebrating? Pub. Hungry? Pub. Traumatic life event? Pub. The four of them had become regulars now. Every time sitting at the same table in the back. The landlord often joked with them that the pub would go under if they ever stopped coming.  

It had taken them a while to choose a pub. Their pub. It was a meticulous process that they all took very seriously. They had spent countless nights doing pub crawls throughout the city, trying to find which pub suited them best. Best beer on tap, best prices, within walking distance so they could stumble back home.  

“That one’s my favourite so far.” Remus decided one night as they left the third pub on their pub crawl.  

Sirius barked out a laugh, slinging an arm around Remus’s shoulders. Partly in mock affection, partly to steady himself after the few drinks he’d had. “You’re only saying that because it’s got the cheapest pints so far.” 

“You’re easily swayed, Moony.” James shook his head at him, leading the group to the next pub along the street. Just as they rounded the corner onto the next dimly lit street, Y/N interjected. 

“Speaking of sway, did anyone else notice the shady bloke in the corner?”  a grimace contoured her features, “I swear he was selling meat from his jacket.” 

“Hah! The infamous Hog’s Head Meat Man!” James exclaimed, a grin spreading across his face. “Sure, he’s a dodgy one, but he’ll give you a good deal on some bacon if you’re brave enough to ask.” 

“Yeah. I don’t really fancy eating some blokes pocket meat, thanks though.” Sirius scrunched up his face in disgust, “Where to next?” 

Undeterred from the last shady establishment, they pressed on, venturing into a number of different pubs, until finally, they stumbled upon one that felt like home. It was tucked down a narrow alleyway, easy to miss if you weren’t paying attention.  

The inside was dimly lit from the mounted wall lights, casting soft shadows against the exposed brick. The air was thick with the smell of cigarette smoke and spilt beer – a scent which sounds disgusting but made the four of them nudge each other and grin as they stepped inside. The actual bar spanned about half the length of the room, polished mahogany adorned with rows of brass taps, their labels worn and faded with age.  

Mismatched tables and chairs filled the space, ranging from rickety wooden stools to worn, plush armchairs. Each table, although being scratched from rigorous cleaning, still had the infamous sticky sheen to it that all pub goers will be familiar with. Much to their delight an old jukebox stood proudly in the corner of the room, Remus immediately fumbled in his pocket for some change. 

“Typical Moony. Straight to the jukebox instead of straight to the bar.” James teased as he leaned over the bar to survey the selection of beers on tap. Remus, who had already begun to select songs, looked up momentarily only to flip the bird at James.  

While James got the round in, it was left up to Y/N and Sirius to decide what table the group would settle on. After a quick once-over of the pub, they decided on a table in the corner, nestled beneath a dimly lit lampshade, and much to Remus’s delight, only a few steps away from the jukebox. With a nod of agreement, they made their way over to claim their spot.  

Precariously trying to carry four pints in only two hands, James returned a moment later, putting the glasses down on the table with a soft thud, some of the liquid sloshing over the edge.  

“Cheers, you lot.” Remus exclaimed, raising his glass. The group, a few pints deep and sporting glassy eyes and wide smiles, joined in, clinking their glasses together. 

“What’s the verdict on this place?” Sirius asked, taking a sip of his beer. 

“Well-” Remus started. 

“Ah, ah, hold it right there.” Y/N interjected, “After your last ‘gem’ turned out to be the Hog’s Head, I think we should put your pub-picking privileges on probation.” she punctuated her remark with a playful jab to Remus’s ribs. 

“Hey! It had character!” Remus feigned offense, “and besides, it’s not my fault that they had a creative idea of what hygiene is.”  

“Creative? I’m pretty sure that I saw two rats shagging in the corner.” Sirius retorted, earning a round of laughter from the group.  

“Alright, alright.” Remus conceded, holding his hands up, “the Hog’s Head was a bit of a shitter, but this pub’s a winner, yeah?” 

“Agreed,” James chimed in, raising his glass once again, “To new beginnings and hopefully less questionable pubs!” 

“To less questionable pubs!” the others chorused, once again knocking their glasses together before taking a large swig of their drinks. 

“I feel like we should have toasted this pub. Just because I’ve decided that this is the best one.” Y/N said, looking around thoughtfully, “Although, I didn’t actually get a look at the sign before we came in, so I couldn’t actually tell you what it’s called.” 

“The Wolf’s Arms!” a voice called out from the other side of the room. They all snapped their heads round, curiosity piqued, and their eyes fell on a lone man seated at the bar. His cheeks were flushed from the booze, and a cigarette dangled from his lips. 

“To The Wolf’s Arms!” they echoed, toasting for the third time that night. 

[wolfiemcwolferson]

i dont know what trick or treat is but i wanna do it too 🥺❤️️

Hi Akira! I wanted to save this for my pre-race drabble and so here it is! Piarles, obviously.

It's too cold when Charles packs his bag for the day, but he knows that by the time he gets a coffee from the cart at the corner and walks down to the park, there will be a patch of sun that he can sit in on his favorite bench.

He could have slept more - he could have gone straight to class, but it's the first sunny day in far too long and he needs to enjoy it.

The coffee warms his hands enough that he pulls his phone out of his pocket, hoping for a last minute cancellation for his orientation this afternoon, but instead he gets distracted by a long thread of whatsapp messages from his brothers about the two of them coming to see him soon and he isn't paying attention to the fact that there's an asshole spread out across his bench.

Charles doesn't mind sharing the bench. He actually loves to share the bench with people as long as people are respectful and don't have things spread out all over the bench - as long as they aren't taking up all the space by manspreading and -

"Excuse me," Charles says in English - possibly a bit too harshly because the man looks up in surprise and oh. His eyes are...blue blue blue.

Charles clears his throat and points to the bag that is taking up the other side of the bench.

He's about to ask if he can sit when the guy leans back, one hand smoothing down his thigh and sitting lower. Cocky.

"There is a bench," the man points across the walkway to the bench that is not in the sun. His accent is French and Charles is surprised. He doesn't often meet Frenchmen here. "I am refreshing for a work thing currently. These are my notes."

Charles turns to look at the bench and turns back, watching the way the man's eyes are looking at him. Charles could flirt, but he's tired and he doesn't want to flirt to have this guy extend some basic human decency.

"Yes," Charles agrees, but his voice is whiny. "But this bench is in the sun and I left Monaco to live in a sunless place to study here and I would very much like to -"

But then the man cuts him off - in French. "Settle down, princess. I will move my things so you can sit."

And then he winks.

Charles hates that he's pretty and that he is flirting with him now and that he's calling him princess and Charles is blushing uncontrollably, so he tries anger.

He turns away and instead of stopping at the bench just across the walkway, he keeps walking until he is two benches down, throwing himself down into the seat and glaring at the man on his bench.

"Suit yourself," he calls out with one hand cupped around his mouth and Charles wants to throw his coffee in his direction, but he needs it for warmth and also to get through this training.

He glares again and gets a smile back and he's really mad because that man is beautiful and definitely Charles' type, but he's an asshole who doesn't share benches in the sun.

He pulls his book from his bag, tries to ignore the beautiful man on the bench and read.

He manages. Mostly.

He finishes his coffee and he reads three chapters of his book and then he takes the long way around so he doesn't have to walk by rude man again and then when he's sure he's out of earshot, he sends Arthur a three minute voice note about the shade of his eyes and how much of an asshole he was and then as he's walking into the place where all the grad students are gathering to start their six week training course before they're let out onto their own next semester to teach their own courses, Arthur texts back mate when is the last time you got laid?

Charles is typing back an even ruder reply when the front door of the lecture hall bangs open and in walks rude asshole from the park.

"Hello," he greets them in English and Charles starts to wonder if it's not too late to drop out entirely and return home and work for Lorenzo. "I have been drafted from the education department to oversee this course."

Charles wants to sink through the floor because his eyes have started to roam over the 17 participants in this lecture series and he's nearing Charles.

"My name is Pierre Gasly and -" he pauses looking right at Charles, one side of his mouth tugging up into a smile, "I have just spent the last hour sitting in the sun and I'm in a wonderful mood, so we can skip straight to today's objective before I release you back into the world so hopefully you all can get some sunshine as well."

And then he winks.

Pierre.

Charles barely contains his scoff. It's going to be a long six weeks.

[otter-pup]

More time passes, we're still stuck in traffic, and now you're sure of it. The eggs are definitely getting bigger. The bump in your belly has grown. It's now visible beneath the blanket, and your fingertips can't touch anymore. The eggs still shift around despite their growing size, pressing against the walls of your womb and gradually pressing down against your cervix more and more.

One egg in particular keeps coming back to press down on your womb. It doesn't matter if the cat moves forward for a bit and it shifts away. It finds its way back to just above your cervix. But your belly isn't sitting low yet, and you have no urge to push, so surely you're okay and will be able to lay once we get home.

As the car processes down the highway, it passes over a speed bump. Nothing too major, just one of the regular ones.

Except it jostles the egg by your cervix just enough to get the tip of it through your cervix. The slow building pressure from the other growing eggs as they continue to take up more and more space in your womb make the egg slowly inch through your cervix. It's hard to tell if the egg trying to escape is still growing or not because of you trying to find some way to get it to go back into your womb. But no amount of squeezing does anything to help. The pressure continues to grow as the egg continues to inch its way through your cervix.

I glance at you in the rear view mirror for a moment and smile before once again focusing on the road. This time, I'm not oblivious to your predicament. But I do wonder what you're going to do now.

🐺

i bite my lip when I confirm, for sure, that the eggs are getting bigger. it’ll be fine, im sure—even if we still haven’t moved much. they aren’t pressing down against my cervix full time yet, except for one, and I dont feel like I need to lay, so it’s fine. i don’t say anything, i don’t want to worry you.

but then we hit the bump, and that one egg shifts down further. i hold back a noise at the feeling of my cervix spreading open again.

i try to clench down and force it back inside, but it doesn’t seem to do anything, especially with the other eggs growing still. i don’t think the one trying to get out is, but I don’t know—i just know it can’t come out, not now, no matter how hard the other eggs are pressing down on it, no matter how quickly it’s slipping out as a result, no matter how much my body starts to tell me to push.

i squirm a little under the blanket as the egg presses down further. the other eggs don’t seem to be getting ready to follow suit, but there’s still this one.

it can wait until we get somewhere other than the middle of traffic. im sure it can.

[ateez-ana]

lost girl (FEVER PART ONE DIARY)

The memories of short happiness

And dreams broken into pieces

Can I find it again?

0.9 Ana

I dreamed about it in the dark The night I felt like I might die No mid-sized city hopes and small town fears I'm there most of the year Cause I hate it here

the poem

Ana's room, a small messy space in an old apartment. Ana, 18, with blonde hair and hazel eyes, is sitting on the bed, looking at an old, worn photograph. In the photo, she is with her parents, both smiling. Her eyes fill with tears as she holds her tightly. "I miss them so much. Why did they have to leave? I was just a girl…" Ana gets out of bed and walks to the window. She looks out at the city spread out below her, the lights twinkling like distant stars. She feels alone and lost, with no one to turn to. "I have nothing here. No family, no friends… There is only me."

Ana remembers her childhood. She was a shy and lonely child, often bullied by other children. Her parents worked long hours to support her, and she spent most of her time alone. She found solace in music, dancing and singing in her room when no one was looking.

I'm lonely but I'm good I'm bitter but I swear I'm fine I'll save all my romanticism for my inner life and I'll get lost on purpose

again? the poem

One day, while walking through the city, Ana came across a small, old warehouse. She was attracted to that place and entered. Inside, she found a group of boys dancing. They moved with energy and passion, their bodies synchronized to perfection. Ana was mesmerized by his performance.

"They are incredible… I wish I could dance like that." Ana is attracted to the music and energy of the boys. She decides by a sudden impulse to go down and join them, Ana timidly approaches the group of boys. They stop to look at her with curiosity. "Hello? Who are you?" one of the boys ask her "I'm Ana. I saw you dancing f and I loved it." "Welcome, Ana. Don't hesitate to join us." the same boy tell her

Ana smiles and joins the group. They start dancing together, and Ana feels happier than she has been in a long time. She feels that she has finally found a place where she belongs.

Ana spends the next few weeks dancing with them they accept her as one of their own. Ana has finally found a home, a family that loves and supports her.

..........

I hate it here so I will go to secret gardens in my mind People need a key to get to The only one is mine

the same poem again and again

the abandoned warehouse where they are rehearsing a new song. Ana watches them from a corner, smiling. "I never thought I could be so happy. These guys have changed my life."

Suddenly a figure appears in front of her.

"Hello, Ana. I've been waiting to meet you." "Who are you? And what do you want from me?" ana ask him

"I am the guardian of balance. I have been watching you for a long time, and I know the power to help of fulfill its destiny." The figure spoke what to Ana sounded like nonsense, but it looked like someone she know . She couldn't see his face. Every time she tried to clear her vision, the figure seemed to get more blurry.

"Destiny? What are you talking about?" she thought she was going crazy

" is not just a group of boys. They are protectors of the balance between the human world and the world of dreams. inspire people and change the world. But they need help to unlock their true potential."

"I… I don't know who are you talking about i dont know any boys"

the figure just laughs "Do not underestimate nothing Ana. You have a pure heart and a strong spirit. but thats not enough"

"Save the balance?" fear was felt from her toes to her head

" Follow your heart and the compass will guide you to the right path."The figure vanishes into thin air, leaving Ana alone in the warehouse. "It was just a dream… But it felt so real."

Ana gets out of bed and joins the boys. They are ready to face any challenge that comes their way, together.

Quick quick Tell me something awful Like you are a poet trapped inside the body of a finance guy

the po.....

[seldomscilence16]

Whumptober Day 3:

"Like crying out in empty rooms, with no one there except the moon." 

Journal | solitary confinement | "make it stop."

Fandom: Voltron

Prompt used: All

Soooo this ones a little intense- at least to me as I write this. Its never specified but Lance is alone for awhile, so tread carefully just in case. I think I may do a continuation on one of the other days for this one so keep a look out if you like this one.

TW for self harm, and Torture

...

There was little light in the room. He'd tried to figure out where it was coming from, scratched at the lips in the walls until his nails were broken and bleeding. He'd decided they simply glowed. 

There was no window, and the door disapeared- no it blended in, it had to be there still it had to, it could just be gone that made no sense- after that first day. That first day when he'd woken up, confused and in pain, and had a strange alien come in and speak to him. He couldnt tell you everything they said, broken translator glitching every couple words or other sentence. But it was an experiment, and a punishment. 

Lance wanted to go home.

"Journal entry uh… whatever. The water and bread like stuff appeared when I passed out again, I dont remember falling asleep… It tastes weird, but they got angry when I didnt consume it before… the walls are still glowing… or maybe it is dark and Im going crazy… how many days has it been journal? Why… what did I… its not like your gonna answer anyway…" 

His head hits the wall with a solid thump, the sound better than when all he can hear is bodily functions, so he does it again. And again, until his ears ring and his head aches, and the noise has blended in too much to be different and he stops. His heart and head beat to the same toon, he holds his breath to stop hearing the inflation of his lungs only for the beating to get louder. Frustrated tears come to his eyes as he releases the breath in a shout, which turns into an angry yell as he turns and pounds his tender fists into the wall.

Its not the first time, there are smears of blood- old and new- from his many little moments. He thinks hes allowed such moments after all, locked up for who knows how long with no interaction. He cant even talk to Blue, the thin connection in his soul the only thing telling him shes okay. In the beginning, he equated his moments to Keith, when he went ham on the training gladiatiors. But now… staring at his ruined fists, and wall still intact besides the smears, he feels as pathetic as ever. 

He knows for a fact the rest of the team would have found a way out by now. Pidge's curiousity and spite always leads her to solutions of some kind. Hunk would have found out how this box worked and rebuilt it ten times over. Keith would have samuraied his way out of course, and Shiro would probably find this childs play. But really the main difference… is they arent him. Lance did something wrong. Lance was stupid and weak and easily caught. Lance hasnt been able to find a way out. Lance- is referring to himself in third person. Again. 

He deserves to be here. The team hasnt found him yet, blue is out of range, and Lance is being punished for something. He wouldnt want any of them in his situation anyway, theyre probably off saving the universe still, probably relieved hes gone. He… he hopes theyre getting enough sleep. That Pidge isnt stuck with her face in a screen, refusing to sleep. That Hunk isnt spreading himself thin, and bottling things up. That Allura is recharging her quintessence, and taking care of herself and not pushing too hard on her own mind and the teams. That Coran isnt lonely and doing everything by himself. That Shiro is remembering to laugh and relax and chill. That Keith isnt isolating himself and training to death and… 

He misses them.

Lance thought that… even if he never saw Earth again, never saw his parents again, thatd at least, the last thing he saw would be his friends- his space family- safe and alive. Not some creepy alien, or the four same walls, but the people he cares about. He knows… he knows he wasnt their first choice. That Blue deserves better, the team deserves better. But… he still loves them so much. He just wanted to know they were okay. 

A stinging sensation disrupts the static ache hes fallen into, his motions drag like paper through water and he looks down at his arms. His nails, brittle and broken and cracked, have still managed to drag angry red lines across his arms. Blood and that watery fluid have bubbled to the surface in some areas, and he feels a detached sort of dissapointment. His nose whistles.

The not bread and the ucky water have appeared again. Hes on his side, he doesnt remember falling asleep, from how tired he feels, hes not even sure he can call it that. He knows they get mad when he ignores the susstenance, but he can only stare at it blankly. What was the point anyway? If he was just gonna keep waking up here, he didnt want to anymore. 

He thinks he counts for moment, to determine how long it takes them to get mad, but when he tunes back in to his own brain hes simply repeated the same line of lyrics over and over. He cant recall the song, or any other lyrics, and all its really doing is annoying him, but he cant find the energy to yell at his brain to stop. 

'One. I can count to one. Two. I can count to two. Three. I can count to three. Four. I cant count no more. I can only count to four, I can only count to four, I can only count fooouuuurrrr-'

The room brightens and Lance tenses as a noise fills the room. But the noise was always there, a ringing in his ears, but it grows louder and higher until everything is screaming. He hold his hands over his ears, finds a warm wetness with undertones of crusty, his mouth is open his throat feels shredded, hes curled up as much as his ribs will allow- they poke out, he can see where theyre wrong, they warp as the noise increases. His heart pounds wildly in his chest, tears streak his face, he cant see anything, theres red in his blurred vision before it whites out completely, a warmth below his nose. Shivers wrack his tense body as the cold he'd been trying to ignore sets in bone deep.

"P'ease…m…m-make it… st…stop…" 

He doesnt know when he went limp, eyes open but seeing nothing, the ringing is everywhere, the feeling of liquid drying on his skin makes him itch, but he cant even twitch. 

"M'ke it st…stop. Make eh stop… make it stop." A sob from deep in his chest, voice hoarse, everything hurts. "Make it stop please." 

He couldnt even tell you if he'd actually spoken, or if wordless noise escaped a ruined throat. The pounding of his heart, the ringing of his ears, nothing seemed to exist past that. 

Warmth on his cheek, he must be crying again… 

Pressure on his back, his shoulder thanks him for rolling over, he cant recall doing it.

Something touches his neck. 

He flinches violently, surprising himself and whoevers touching him. He throws his arms up, his back now against the stupidly familiar walls.

"Make it stop! I dont want to anymore! Just kill me already, Make it stopmakeitstopmaKEITSTOP!!"

Something rumbles in his mind, loud enough to block all the stupid noises, filled instead with crashing waves and warm sand, foreign yet familair. 

"Lance." He flinches, he can only half hear what was said, head in a fishbowl of water and one ear clogged, but it was definetly his name… 

"Leandro, please look at me hermano." 

Tears bubble in his eyes as he realizes what this is.

Hes lost it completely.

Hes halucinating now. Maybe it really is finally the end-

"Lance please." It sounds so broken, she should never sound like that-

He looks up. 

The door. It did exist, lying in sparking pieces as it is. Shiro is in the doorway, face drawn in concern, galra arm still smoking from whatever he used it for. Behind him Keith is glaring down his sword at something Lance cant see. Infront of him however, curled up in the too small room, knees an inch from his own, back bowed so his head wont hit the ceiling, arm brushing the smaller one next to him. Two sets of warm eyes, wet with tears and dark with bags, look at him with mournful sadness and yet, tentative hope, relief. 

The tears spill over, his lips wobble as he sobs,

"Make it stop please. I cant handle it if youre not really here. Please." 

"We're here buddy. Hermano, we're here. Give me your hand Lance, I promise we're real." Hunks voice wavers with emotion, Lance knows he's seconds from breaking down. 

"We're late, but we're here Lance. Please." Pidges voice is small, hand held out beside Hunks, both tremble. 

Lance is going to regret it. He is. He's gonna regret it. 

His hands- cold, achey, maybe broken, filthy- meet the warm calloused palms of his friends. He slumps forward like his string have been cut, but the two dutifully catch him. Warmth. Not from blood or tears, but from real people. Lances eyes slipped closed, feeling safe for a moment, if he wakes up alone… at least he got to see their faces one last time…

>>next

[despite-everything]

i feel like every time i finally feel at peace about going no-contact with my mother something happens again that makes it sickening and one of the hardest things i've done.

i don't think i've ever burst into tears like this before. i dont even cry that often but im just really fucking going through it tonight. my mother texted me photos of the land she's bought down in central texas to build a ranch house on. when i was a kid, my grandparents had ranches. my grandmother was raised on one, too, and its gone back in our family. so i grew up on the ranch for holidays, long weekends, and portions of the summer. when my grandmother died and my parents divorced when i was a preteen, i went with my dad and my connection with that side of the family was almost severed because of my mothers tendency to spread lies and rumors which made me and my father unwelcome. a few years ago, the ranch became public property which is something im grateful for, but its weird to go back and visit, and i live nowhere near there anymore.

i basically went no-contact with my mother two years ago when she used my grandfather's death against me in a really terrible way. that was my grandfather who ranched. i long to be back in central texas. i feel so at home there. but im trans and unless i get one of a few very specific jobs (probably in austin) i wont go back and that breaks my fucking heart. my mother still texts me sometimes, and i havent blocked her because ive been informed of major family news from her even though i cant respond. she bought some land a few months ago and is building on the property and is going to move back to texas. she sent me update photos of the land tonight as well as a story about a beautiful coyote skeleton picked clean by buzzards on the property. i was the family member who collected bones from the ranch. i genuinely burst into tears when i saw the photos.

and then she followed up by talking about how she intends to build a small ranch house and a small guest house for friends and family to feel welcome and visit. and i just can't stop crying. that's all i've ever wanted. my grandparents had several ranches, but sold them. they asked every other person in the family if they'd be willing to take it over and manage it except for me - the one person who had always wanted to do that. but no one asked me and it was at a tumultuous time in my parents marriage so i didnt know until years later and too late. and theres almost no chance in hell i could ever afford property like that unless i inherit. and since all the ranches were sold and my grandparents are dead, i don't think that will ever happen to me. the ranch they lived on was The Ranch in the sense that it had a guest cabin and enough space for family to visit and at holidays there'd be 12-15 of us. i fucking miss that so much and theres no way to get it back and i know that but the fact that my mother is managing to re-create that same thing and i can't be part of it without hurting myself immensely is so sickening to me.

like i feel like im rambling and just sound stupid or ungrateful or something but its like ive been coming to terms with the fact that i'll never have an intact family again and im never going to have access to "home" unless i create one from scratch and i miss living in texas even with the bad parts and i miss the ranch and my family and this woman who has hurt me so fucking much suddenly gets to have this amazing life where she's becoming the new family matriarch and creating a place for everyone to gather and be happy hurts so so so much. im scared i will forgive her. ive cut her off then accepted her back before and it only made things worse. if i know whats good for me i'll stay away. but it's like the thing i've wanted more than anything else in the entire world is being dangled in front of me but if i accept it i might as well kill myself.

[lavenoon]

Chaotic idiots are my favourite and they are so important to me.

Pre-reveal, what do Sun and Moon think of their landlord and Robin, respectively? Do they have many opinions on the Human They’ve Totally Not Met Before, or are their opinions mainly centred over pointing at each other and going “haha, you have feelings”?

ALSO I,,, HOPE YOU DONT MIND THE MULTI-QUESTIONS. If you’d rather I space them out more I ABSOLUTELY can, I’m just very eager and love hearing your thoughts

(In other news, now we’ve legally gotta rally together to make that 700 follower count real. SPREAD THE WORD OF LUCE!)

-🌻 Daye

I DON'T MIND MULTI QUESTIONS AT ALL I will sleep in an hour or two but I'm so so giddy about every bit of interest and engagement with this AU/ my stuff in general (tho AU gets bonus points bc it's mine and thus direct interest in what I come up with) so!!

Moon doesn't spend too much time thinking about Y/N - he's glad they found a nice place to live with a landlord that doesn't really pry into their personal business, but he also feels a tad awkward about never having met them and at this point it's like. He can't just introduce himself without it being awkward, and even if he could, they're just never around when he's home!! So he's indifferent to awkward, happy for Sun and might tease on occasion (like when Sun gets WAY into crafting to keep Y/N happy) but preoccupied with his own dilemma regarding the situation

Sun does think about Robin a bit more in turn - he's heard about them, knows about them, both through their agency/ the rumor mill and through Moon. He has a certain respect for them, from one agent to another, but any time Moon tries to goad him into "joining" the effort against Robin he's like "that's cute but that's your rival", at best "okay I guess I'll do my job extra hard like I'm usually slacking that's definitely my only motivation, outdoing this one agent I've never met. Sure" and Moon just takes it and ignores the sarcasm. Surprisingly (maybe) the one to tease more because Moon is just so invested in the rivalry, but so very defensive about it! Sun likes Y/N and admits it easily enough, maybe gets disgruntled when teased about intimate feelings early on (we can't put them at risk, they're nice enough to just let us live here!) but otherwise doesn't have the tension of the rivalry in there!

AND PLEASE GFHDJS I nearly doubled my follower count since I started posting fnaf art the 700 will come soon enough!! FGHDSJK I'm just some guy t-posing as a defensive stance when startled I'm still getting used to "oh wait people follow me for stuff I upload" LMAO

[wtfuglydemon]

As the year ends i keep thinking how this year was.... something. I feel like life gave me a soft reset and i dont know what to do with it, it's not as much as i was given a second chance on things but as if everything ive built suddenly crumbled down with no warning and im now forced to work around this, for better or worse.

This year already started horribly, after all i just left from a year where i was being humiliated, shamed and scolded for not being sad about my uncle's death, a man they all know tried to kill me multiple times before, i dont know if i am fully over that still.

At the beginning of the year i am suddenly invited to live with someone i honestly didnt even know and since i was so eager to leave home i accepted but didnt realize how much pressure that would place on my back, as suddenly i was responsible by so many things and specially the person. A horrible gamble that only made my situation at home worse because i left after a fight, never contracted anyone and suddenly i had to come back and pretend nothing happened, worsening my relationship with everyone now that they know i hate them.

I actually dont even remember what happened in April anymore besides the fact i tried to kill myself, i only know this because i told some people but my memory of it is completely gone however it is relevant as it is now May and im a very depressive episode the whole month due to my current treatment and i then suddenly forget my mother's birthday at the end of it, im at my worst day and im being guilted and dragged into a birthday party that i do not have since im 10, without a shower, without time to comb my hair, looking my worst in a place full of people who actively hate me, who told they hate me many times, i felt vulnerable and violated, i had to leave early and had a panic attack which led me to go back into self harming, something I hadn't done for years but this is what brought it back and now i was in a very bad mood and locked at my room

Then immediately after, the person i lived with for what was nice for a month or two, she made me start my hrt and gather my documents to change gender and name officially, and gave me many other things but now there was a problem, she was so... obsessive and possessive over me and i never had shown any interest in her and this became weird fast, everything she did felt like she was trying to win me over, all the gifts all the help, it felt like she saw my state and thought i was mentally vulnerable enough, that she could "save" me which eventually led me to be highly uncomfortable and start distancing myself. She got mad at me, started telling me i should go to therapy despite the fact im open to the fact im not returning to one, there was a random threat of sending me to a psych ward, she questioned my relationships and said they were all bad for me despite barely knowing the people i involved myself with AND me, and as i exploded due to my already bad mood and my frustrations about how she was invading my personal space and thinking she is important to me, that only certain people could, she used my words to spread it to all my old group of friends in a way that made it seen like i hated them.

I was immediately abandoned by everyone i knew since 2015 or even early, the only stable relationships i had my whole life, i was called many names, thrown away without a second thought and only for me to find out this was already coming, that they already had a secret chat to talk bad about me without me knowing way before all this, so all this did was give them an excuse. Of course i also no income and now with her doing this, i have to sustain myself with my hrt meds, something around $40(BRL120) per month and $80(BRL240) every four months, my family already hates me and now i need them to buy these, further decreasing even the food i receive and now i can not ask for anything, not only that but i am now being forced into a job i can not have, causing me to once again cut.

It's been like that for two more months, i only gathered enough courage to leave the house once in July to pick up my new altered documents and once my birthday came in September, almost no one remembered, two people did but not even my partner at the time did — all while i watched so many people with September birthdays, even the same day as mine get everything, birthday wishes, gifts, a party. I have a horrible relationship with birthdays, i never had birthdays past 10yo, all i get since then is a cheap chocolate box and a rush to find a job and leave the house and this year was no different but with the added flavor or being blamed for the lack of money due to my meds. To me, birthdays represent the day i start existing and if no one says anything about it, it tells me I shouldn't exist, which is what i thought that day, I was forgotten by everyone again, i ended everything, even with my old partner, that was the third cutting in less than 5 months.

I truly was at my lowest by the end of September and only by October i would have better news, it was when i got much closer to p-chan, my current gf, when we started dating... he cares so much for me, helps me at my lowest moments and makes me feel secure, i now have new people around me that i talk more often with and even if things at home have not changed, they are a lot more manageable when i have someone that understands my mind and is able to help me stay mentally stable after everything i went through this year, i really have no words on how grateful i am to her, she has been my light this whole end of the year, i am going to next year a little more hopeful for the better which is more than i can say going to this year. Ive been beaten down this year over and over and over, with barely any time to breathe, i dont think i am over anything in it yet and im back into my self harming behavior, with cuts as new as two weeks ago but i am better than i was at the beginning of the year and that makes me know that i can start over next year, with better people at my side.

[remembering-angels]

My full reincarnation timeline

I shared this on Reddit and I thought I could share my reincarnation timeline on here too if anyone is interested . This is basically a time line of all my past lives from being an angel to human past lives to now a days.

The very first thing my soul remembers is a place almost like heaven, or maybe eden. I remember a vast ocean, spreading endlessly over the horizon, if my soul had an origin, it was at the shores of that ancient ocean. I remember a light, everything felt bigger than the earth, bigger than the solar system, i was one with the universe, with the galaxies. my dreams of that time are always of me in between earth and space, that's where I believe heaven to be, if I could ever put a name to it I would almost say it felt as if I was one of the angels. the angels in my memories tho looked different from the beautiful paintings in churches, some looked inhuman in a way people can't imagine and yet some did look even more beautiful than those paintings. those angels and me being one of them had a mission, it was always to help the universe, and humanity evolve, some have forgotten it tho, and sometimes i myself forget it.

the first reincarnation was maybe around ancient Egypt times is the best i could describe it tho i was in a different country, being on earth is different than being in heaven, on earth, when i first came, in my first reincarnation everything felt so intense, my first reincarnation was in the middle east, in the deserts and hot weather still feel very close to me, my divine siblings reincarnated with me at the time. i remember speaking the ancient language and seeing the beauty of maybe Persian (?) or ancient israel cities, everything felt like an endless dream, at the time i saw tribes at war and empires begin to slightly form.

the second reincarnation was in Europe in the middle ages or the medieval times not sure what its called, i was a lady,i remember hallways illuminated by candlelights and music if I could pinpoint a language it would be old English, there was a man there, my soulmate, i would play around with him a lot, he was older than me ,he had some kind of political standing but i can't remember now what he did. i died from getting shot with an arrow, but i think it was an accident or some kind of battle thing, i remember the arrow piercing my chest area, i remember being carried to the water as my final resting place and waking up on the other side ,seeing the most beautiful moonlight.

from there on my memories are kinda blurry,i can't remember all my reincarnations, i think i had one during ww2 that i can slightly remember but not well enough.

the next very vivid past life i remember is of being a regular girl in 1960's-1970's America, funny enough i went to religious studies, i remember daydreaming a lot, wondering about my soul, my life's purpose, i didn't have a lot of time to figure out my life's purpose since that life was cut short,but if i did have time i would have become a teacher or a researcher or someone who helps others , and i remember making deep connections. the love from that life still follows me here. i was lost in that life a bit and some took advantage of that. i died by the hand of an evil man ,an evil man that took many souls that he shouldn't have. a selfish man.

and i remember leaving my body and walking through a forest ,an endless forest until i found my way back to heaven,or my version of heaven at least, i remember hearing whispers all around me when i reached the other side, the whispers were comforting me, I was stuck as a ghost for some time, looking up the sky at the stars listening to those whispers,and when I got back home to heaven I slept in a field of lovely purple flowers, my divine siblings Keeping watch.

and my reincarnation now. i dont think this is my last, i think i have one more life to live. I am blessed I can remember so much .

well that's it what i remember so far!