#i somehow got them literally everywhere!

[murmurmurl]

At least he somehow managed to keep his hair clean!

So silly!

[stephlastname]

[orcelito]

Sometimes I REALLY hate this game (aka. Fire emblem in general)

I've been going through all the training battles before I go onto the main thing for chapter 12. For completionism and also bc I fucking Need the training, holy shit

Anyways I got one for the rainy map from chapter 11. Aka where I was running my life. It was awful then, but WAY WAY WAY WORSE now. Bc they skattered my army across the entire map, some of whom are Very squishy, and gave us over twice as many enemies as I had units, almost all flying, and All of them advanced classes

It was a massacre. Unit after unit falling. Me desperately trying to get the survivors across the map so they could help each other survive. Hiding in the woods in hopes of them missing me, bc being out in the open is a death sentence.

One by one, my units fell. My Healers all fell. My Mages all fell. A few lingered through luck alone... but then it was down to 3. From an original 12.

Me, Alcryst, and Louis. I'd been trying to protect Alcryst bc he's my archer and there were SO. SO SO SO many fliers. I never did get him over to me. I sent Louis over to assist me bc my ass kept DYING & that gets a game over lol. So imagine a dragon princess just guzzling potions in the woods as her armor friend throws javelins over her shoulder. I made it work.

Poor fucking Alcryst though. Stuck in the woods alone, having watched the 3 around him all fall, clinging to his mini bow bc he was literally SURROUNDED and couldn't attack anything otherwise. Also guzzling potions. The literal only reason he didn't fucking die was luck alone. Those fucking woods, man. They made all the difference.

Not that it stopped me from dying like 4 times from like 13% chance hits :) I used that time reversal feature more in this battle than I have Ever before in this game.

[lace-chocolate]

😳

[arolesbianism]

Thinking abt my dupes some more, and it's such a joy imagining them working together to try and invent new stuff for their needs with their limited resources, especially when it comes to the guys anywhere but the main colony where the only actual scientist lives lol

[ollies-moving-castle]

definitely not in tears because I can’t find my glasses

[hon3y-y]

Roomie!sukuna doesn't even get horny for anyone other than you anymore. You have the wettest, nastiest pussy he's ever seen- and he deserves the best so nobody but you will do. You're fucking so many other fine men now that you dont even give him a second glance when he walks out the shower in just a towel to tease you. And oh, his temper when one of your hookups pick you up and you don't come home for the weekend. Or even worse, they stay for the weekend. Sukuna has never let a girl sleep over at the apartment but now there are two colognes in the bathroom, two pairs or men's shoes at the door, and he can almost never see you in the living room without some other man hanging off your side

read the other parts here! : part 1 part 2

he’s literally so embarrassingggg it’s not even funny. he’ll walk around and flex his muscles, smirk on his puffy lips as the water drips down his ripped torso. he stands outside your open door, you’re looking down at your phone deciding on whether to spend the night at choso’s or nanami’s (pick choso, nanami gets up at like 5 am 🙄), “showers empty..” sukuna basically purr’s, resting his arm on the doorway.

and you literally could not give less of a fuck💀

you just nod, mumbling a ‘thanks’ as you focus on putting both their names in a generator and letting that choose your fate for the night. let’s just say sukuna was extremely angry when a motorcycle pulls up and you just giggle and hop onto it, kissing the stupid leather clad boy while throwing on the custom bikers helmet choso had made for you. and to top it off, sukuna had to physically restrain himself from blowing up your phone on where the fuck you are??

messages;

ryo<3: didn’t see you this morning

you: i’m staying with choso for the weekend! sorry, should’ve told you last night:/

you: i also won’t be home after wednesday satoru is taking me to this festival! i’ll send pics😋

ryo<3: have fun 👍

omfg he’s losing it. he literally will spend the whole time in the gym, refusing to be in the empty apartment for longer than eight hours for sleep. he feels like there’s a cement brick in his chest when you’re whisked away by these men. but nothing is worse than when he stays over.

he being satoru.

it was becoming a huge issue. his longest “sleepover” was a week. a week where you weren’t even home for half of it. but sukuna was. he was there for all of it.

there was now a third toothbrush taking up countertop space in the bathroom, he would find satoru’s clothes in the wash (which would always somehow be in there whenever ryo specifically had to use it??), and gojo absolutely loved to make out with you everywhere but inside of your room and sukuna started to hated it. publicly claiming you in front of the guy who literally made it possible🙄 unbelievable.

let’s just say you take a break from bringing satoru over, doing your best to settle the tension at home. but sukuna couldn’t let it go, not when he stares at the stupid fucking blue electric toothbrush and knows that it’s only temporary.

at this point he didn’t even give a fuck about the other guys, you can keep them as long as he’s added onto your roster.

it’s been a while since the two of you had a movie night. something that used to, at the very least, happen once a month has been delayed due to your extra activities. the two of you relaxed into the couch, the movie was a random one you found choosing whatever looked the best by cover and for the first time in a while, sukuna felt like he had you.

“did you buy the candy?”

“shit, yeah. i think i left it in my room?”

“go get it while i make the popcorn!” you smiled up at him, your eyes sparkling excitedly. you looked so cute and soft, and ryo got a glimpse of your cute pink panties when you bent over to grab something so he was feeling just as good. he could already picture the little damp spot he’d create after teasing you and then force you to beg and make it up to him.

he thought about it the whole walk to his room, picking up the bag and then back to the living room, fantasizing about what he plans to do. and just as he’s about to turn the corner, a head of white fluffy hair is laying on your lap, legs spread to take up the full length of the couch. and the only seat available? the one farthest from you.

“i hope you don’t mind, satoru said he missed us!”

us… sukuna looked down at gojo, looking at the content quirk in his lip while he snuggled into you more, moving one of your hands into his hair to play with it. ryo’s eye twitched before he put the bag down and went back into his room, the door slamming behind him. the noise makes you force satoru up, a pit forming in your stomach. you didn’t want sukuna to feel uncomfortable in his own house—

“damn, what’s he so mad abo- he got macha kitkats!? mmm~”

*bonus*

sukuna is literally in his room about to dry heave because??? what alternative version of himself gave him such bad karma?!? in his room like this;

but quietly, because he DEFINITELY doesn’t want you to see him like this. such a fein🤦‍♀️

a/n: i didn’t put smut because i didn’t want to get repetitive BUT should we finally let sukuna get a taste?? part 4 where he finally gets her?? lmk🫶

*not edited*

[katsukiizmoon]

╰┈➤ ꒰🍓💌🌶 ┊”You’re ovulating?” + BKG ꒱

『♡』 this was longer but tumblr literally fucking ate it! I’m actually still upset about it not going to lie. :(( anyways ovulation is killing me and I want this man to fuck me till I can’t breathe :))

『♡』 f!reader, ovulation, creampie, unprotected sex, cum eating, light choking, light finger sucking, squirting, Bj/Pussy Eating, light breeding

Katsuki walks in and loses his breath. He drops every thought in his mind, floating away like they were never there to begin with. A hushed, slow breath leaves his lips. Cock growing hard in his pants, he watches.

There you are, sprawled out on your shared bed. Black comforter under your pretty body as you work. Your legs spread as you pump fingers in and out of yourself.

He watches the way your head is thrown back, the gasp tumbling from your lips when you rub your clit. And something takes control of him.

He drops his belt to the ground, yanking his work shirt over his head and throwing it. His gauntlets and other finicky objects are in the garage where they belong. And you are in bed, where you belong.

Katsuki stalks in, dick pressing against the fabric of his pants. His mind races and he loses his wits when he hears you moan his name.

“Baby.” He mumbles, deep and rich voice flooding your senses.

You snap up, to your elbows, closing your legs. You look like you’ve been caught doing something you’re not supposed to and shy.

“I- I’m sorry m jus- I’m ovulating and-“ You get out, pussy clenching at the sight in front of you.

And oh god, is it a look. He’s so thick, little bit of sweat on his neck. His chest is large and because of work and the gym today he’s got a pump. Slick slides from your pussy onto the mattress. He’s still got his hero mask on and somehow it makes it hotter.

“You’re ovulating?” He questions, staring at your closed knees. He wants them open, wants to see your pretty pussy.

You nod, face heating and slowly beginning to spread your legs. Your pussy is clenching around nothing, slick juices sliding between your ass cheeks. It glistens in the light filtering through the bedroom.

Katsuki gasps, cock beginning to leak precum. And he makes his move.

His thick, rough fingers make quick work of spreading your legs the rest of the wayand his tongue is suddenly everywhere.

He sucks on your clit and rubs his cock against the mattress when you moan. Tongue sliding between your folds like he’s been starving for you.

“Yes yes yes!” You sing, gripping at his blonde locks of hair. But it isn’t enough. It feels amazing, your body hot all over and pussy throbbing like it has a heartbeat.

But it isn’t enough.

You pounce, pulling him onto the bed. You make quick work of pulling down his pants, shoving your tongue in his mouth. They dance there, exploring despite knowing one another so well.

He whimpers and your pussy leaks some more and you move so that he’s on his back. He’s such a fucking beauty.

Plush lips, nice and pink. His face is flushed and his eyeliner from work has smudged a bit. You watch his chest rising and falling and tears prick your eyes.

“Bunny?” He murmurs, so fucking sweet.

“I need your cock in me now or I’m going to fucking die.” You get out, pulling his pants further down.

He lifts his hips and gets them off the rest of the way. You actually almost cum when you see his cock. The precum looks so good you think about licking it up.

But you don’t. You sink down on top of him and whine, hands finding hold on his chest. Your fingers splay against him and you begin to bounce and rock back and forth.

He’s letting out airy moans and gasps, fingers digging into the fat on your hips. Something about it sets you on fire.

You keep going, feeling your pussy suck him in. He’s so big, so good. Your thighs burn and your body tingles. His cock brushes against your gspot and you lose it.

“Fuck me- fill me- oh fuck!” You whimper out, nails digging into his chest.. and he’s manhandling you.

You’re on your back before you can protest. Cock shoved back into you, knees hooked over his shoulders. It’s lewd, how you squelch. Pussy juice and precum mixing together.

Something in your stomach twists. His hand wraps around your throat and squeezes- just a little- and oh god you’re fucking flying. You grab onto the comforter so you don’t float away.

His cock is buried in you, deep. So deep you think you feel him in your throat. He’s still moaning and it’s god you on cloud nine.

“Gonna fuckin’ fill you with my cum and- and-“ He gasps out, with a long and hard thrust. This one makes your eyes roll back and you barely register the clear juices gushing from your pussy.

He takes a moment and slows down, tongue tracing over your lips and he takes the moment to drown in the taste of your spit. He can still taste a little bit of your lunch and drink on his tongue. But it still tastes like you and he can’t think straight.

Katsuki loses himself, loses his mind cause you’re squeezing down on him. And you look so good, you taste so good, and he doesn’t know what to do with himself.

“Katsuki-“ You whimper out, and you mumble something he barely hears. Something you get shy about, the both of you.

He moves his face so it’s closer to your neck, so his lips are beside your ear and he can say things just as breathily as you.

“Yeah? M’ gonna fuck you dumb n make you a momma, yeah? That’s what you want honey?” Katsuki rasps, hot breath on your neck.

You start chanting out agreements, nodding, whining and whimpering beneath him. He licks the column of your throat and nibbles , stroking deep.

He reached up and pushes his fingers into your mouth, and you suck between babbles and whines.

His cock slams into you, pushing deep and your eyes roll back. Your toes curl and for the umpteenth time you’re floating again. The world goes still and you claw at his shoulders. You don’t even register him replacing his fingers with his tongue, kissing you, deep and slow. You can faintly taste your pussy on his tongue.

“That’s my good girl, that’s it, take it.” He gasps out, watching as clear spurts of liquid leave your tight hole.

His cock is still slamming into you, making you bounce and gasp and moan with every thrust. It hurts and it feels good all the same. His fingers reach and dig into the plush of your ass and he lowers himself to nibble at your neck.

Katsuki loses his last bits of sanity when you whimper out, begging him to fuck his cum in you and give you a baby. It makes his head foggy, he forgets everything he ever learned in sex ed.

You’re licking at the column of his throat, savoring every little taste you can of his sweat. He tastes like fucking honey on your lips and you can’t get enough of him.

He pushes his cock in as deep as he can, body taut as he stills. The head presses against your cervix and he cums. And he whimpers, body shaking before it eventually begins to relax. He stays like that, letting the cum suffuse until you’re leaking with it and then he moves again.

Slow and controlled, lifting up a bit to kiss you deep and make you feel every little bit of him. He allows himself to fuck the cum into you, reveling in the quiet gasps you make. You’re so sensitive, both of you, but it feels so good. It’s the fact that he’s intentionally doing it- knowing it can and probably will get you pregnant.

And he’s gentle when he pulls back, getting to his knees to lick at the juices and cum that have spilled out. But you know he’s holding back, for your sanity.

“You’re gonna be mine forever now.” He mumbles to himself, but you catch it and your pussy squeezes with his cum inside you.

He takes his time with you in the shower, eating your pussy like a starving man, and then washing your hair.

Katsuki thanks all his lucky stars when you suck his cock until it’s milked. And he sees stars when you catch some of his cum on your fingers and shove them up your pussy. Pushing his cum into you for the second time that night.

[fictional2dcharacters]

When Cale gains a new ancient power or ability, he never tells anyone. The only way you know of his powers is if he uses them in a fight or you were there when he got it.

No one knew about Record until Cale used it trying to find the White Stars reincarnations. Heck, they still don’t know what that was.

To them, Cale just suddenly gained the ability to remember everything he read and he was also getting a fever from it, so no one knows what that was.

When he used Instant to destroy to the statues, NO ONE knew whatever THE FUCK THAT WAS—LIKE— Cale transcended time to destroy and statue, and then he looked like he took a shower in KNIVES SOMEHOW?? AND THEN HIS PLATE STARTED TO BREAK???

When Cale first used the super rock in the gorge of death no one knew a single thing about whatever the fuck was happening, but they just had to accept it

[this bit was added on later- whenever Cale used the “Blood-drenched rock” or whatever it was called while he was trying to use Embrace on the White Star, and he ended up using Embrace on one of the White Stars attacks but the button or whatever was holding it started to break so it was basically a bomb and he just ran through the castle like a mad man, and to everyone else it looked like Cale was covered in blood. Absolutely no one had any clue that he wasn’t in fact bleeding from everywhere on his body so that’s literally what they were assuming]

When Cale helped the Jungle because Arm had taken an island hostage and rigged dead mana bombs around the shore and everyone’s like

“oh no, what do we do, if we try to take it back all the hostages will die” and Cale is just like “leave it to me. I will eat all of the dead mana” LIKE SIR-💀

THAT IS NOT A NORMAL THING TO SAY.

And then they go along with the plan anyways!?! AND THEN CALE STARTS CONTROLLING THE FUCKING TREES???

AND THE ALLIES JUST HAVE TO ACCEPT IT AND KEEP GOING WITH THE PLAN BECAUSE IF THEY DON’T EVERYTHING WOULD GO TO SHIT?

Just-

Cale:*reveals a new power in the heat of battle*

The enemies:😨

The allies:😨

[luffysscraps]

Please I have baby fever! I NEED monster trio as dads headcanons. I blame Bluey for this. Thanks in advance 💕🤞🏾

Monster trio as fathers

Ft; Luffy, Zoro, Sanji

Cw; Fem reader. Nothing else just fluff.

•Luffy

Luffy gets you pregnant by accident. But he’s not worried about it at all, he’s really happy. “We’re having a baby?! That’s so cool!” He’s very excited to be a father but knows little to nothing about it.

You two have a baby girl. And he’s so happy! He doesn’t care much about the gender of the baby. He’ll love his child no matter what. The second she’s out of you and into his hands he holds her up for everyone to see. “Look! Look she’s here!” He shouts while joyful tears fall from his cheeks.

His little girl gets only the best from Luffy. He bathes her, feeds her and changes her all the time. He feeds her a little bit too much, and she has a never ending stomach like her father. She’s almost always hungry resulting in baby chub.

A giggly baby! This girl loves to laugh! She laughs more then anything else and with her jokester of a father she gets more then enough daily giggles. His stretchy skin makes for a great toy! He can pull on his face and make funny faces. Give her a finger to tug and listen to her laugh as it stretches. And even great to chew on. She kinda ends up thinking every human is like that though and tugs on people randomly. And she’s got a lot of strength for a baby (I mean look at who her dad is.) The force of her tug was enough to trip Zoro.

But once she’s old enough to start crawling and waddling, Luffy’s always active with her, chasing her, playing tag with her and playing with her. Her baby chub quickly melts away with him around. She’s so playful, always babbling and tugging on his leg to chase her and Luffy’s always up for the challenge. She has Luffy’s big wide eyes and looks like a carbon copy of her father.

These two are always talking, like always. Even when she literally can’t communicate beyond a few words and the rest is babbles. He will sit there and listen to her for hours on end and respond to everything she’s saying as if she’s actually speaking. He loves hearing her voice, whether it’s her managing to say ‘papa’ or her spitting her tongue out at him.

He takes her everywhere with him. He’s always holding her close to his chest while exploring new towns and villages. Everyone tells him not to bring her into dangerous places but he doesn’t listen. So to calm everyone’s nerves a little bit, Franky makes him a chest baby carrier that’s reinforced with armor. That only ends up making it worse though because now he thinks he can take her exploring with him. Like this man sees no problem in adventuring in a scary, dark forest where man eating predators are everywhere with a baby. He slingshots back to the ship with her in her carrier giggling against his chest and he feels proud of himself. Only for Nami to hit him and tell him how dangerous that was. The only situation he hands her off to you or someone else is when he’s about to engage in a tough battle. He’s confident in his skills and knows he can win but he’s not taking any chances of his sunshine getting hurt.

Given she looks just like her father, (and the fact he practically shoved her in Koby’s and Helmeppo’s faces when their fleet showed up to apprehend them) the navy knows the king of the pirates has a child. They’ve been trying to wipe you off the map for some time now and the same goes for your daughter despite her only being months old. No matter they’re not getting their hands on her. Luffy is serious when anything has to do with his daughter and if the marines think they can pull a fast one on him and kidnap his daughter, He sends their whole fleet to a watery grave. Even taking out every nearby marine base in the area to send a loud and clear message to the marines. ‘Don’t fuck with his daughter.’

When she’s around 5 the two somehow manage to get even closer then before. With her newfound ability to talk and make sense while doing it. They talk for HOURS. About food, games, books, the sky, fishing, everything. He tells her tales of his adventures and how her papa became pirate king. The two are best friends.

In all honesty he wants another one, maybe two, or three if you let him. She brings him back to when he was a kid and he wants her to have siblings like he did. But then he remembers an important lesson that he passes down to his daughter.

Luffy sits on the thousand Sunny’s figurehead. His daughter sitting besides him and wearing her straw hat that he had passed down to her. The little girl carrying the legacy of the king of the pirates without knowing it. They’re both silent but it’s a comfortable silence. He then looks over to her with a soft smile on his lips, bringing a finger up to her cheek and poking her. He laughs and brings her closer to him sitting her down on his lap. Some wisdom from the past remerges while he watches the sunset with his daughter. And suddenly he begins to speak. “Here’s a little secret sunshine, once you share a bottle of sake, you can become siblings with anyone.”

“Really? That’s all it takes?”

“Of course it does! Your papa would never lie to you! So when you find your long lost sibling. Rejoice with them over sake. Alright?”

“Alright papa!” Luffy smiles and looks at the setting sun wondering what the future held for the little girl who had the world in her palms.

•Zoro

“Run that by me again…?” Just like Luffy, Zoro gets you pregnant by accident. It’s not that he’s scared or anything, you’re the only woman he’d want to have a child with. But it’s just that he’s not prepared. It was something he wasn’t expecting.

The two of you have a baby boy. In all honesty that’s what he was hoping for. You swear while you’re recovering from giving birth you heard him give out a small cheer in trumpet when Chopper announced the gender. ‘Did he think this was a challenge?!’ He’s attached the second he holds him. His son melts his heart when he grasps his giant finger with his tiny one.

Although he wasn’t prepared he’s surprisingly good with a child. He changes him, feeds him and bathes him. Bonding over the little moments like washing out his hair for the first time. You swear you saw tears but this man literally forced the tear back into his eye when you pointed it out.

His son is silent baby. He doesn’t cry, he doesn’t whine. He only lets out small babbles every now and again when he’s trying to get your attention. You ask Chopper if he’s okay and he’s perfectly healthy. He just doesn’t show a lot of emotion. You can get him to laugh, giggle and smile if you try but on the day to day he is totally silent.

When Zoro has to watch him, he trains with him on top of him. Using his son as a little extra weight. It’s kinda adorable actually. He’s lifting up tons of weight above his head while the baby boy is sucking his thumb in the sling around his chest. He’s acting so tough while doing dead lifts. And every time he comes back down he gives his son a little forehead kiss.

When he begins crawling and waddling Zoro is determined to get him walking. He’s literally the best baby coach, always hyping his son up for the littlest things. “ ‘Atta boy!” “That’s my son!” “Did anyone else see that?! That’s my kid! He came from me!” Like- calm down he just clapped his hands. He supports his son in every little thing and helps him walk for the first time. Again he sucks up his tears and pretends he’s not crying. He’s so proud of the little guy.

He mostly hands him off to you when you guys are on a new island. He knows his son is safe with you, and with you holding carrying the baby he can protect both of you at the same time. Plus he’s known to get lost and one of his worse fears is getting lost with his child. If he’s lost by himself as least he knows you two are both safe. If he got lost with his child he’d be paranoid for his child’s safety. He knows he can protect him from any physical harm but he can’t use three sword style with him near. Plus he’d have to make sure he’s hydrated, and well feed and it’s just a lot of stress on him. It’s better if you have him and stick in groups when exploring.

When he’s finally starting to walk on his own Zoro buys him a small wooden toy sword. And just like his father he’s skilled with a sword. He loves it a lot, he likes to swing it on anything and everything. He often knocks anyone who walks past him on their legs and his favorite victim is Sanji. And Zoro’s just like “Yes, Yes hit him!” You apologize daily to Sanji when you find your son has been beating him up all day. Your son is confused, Papa says yes and mama says no. So to please you both he hits Sanji when his father’s near and doesn’t when you’re nearby.

Once he’s 5 Zoro starts training his little boy. He’s not soft on him at all and respects him as a swordsmen. Although Zoro loved his teacher when he was younger he just had wished he had treated him like he was an equal instead of a child. So he instructs his son as if they are equal. Most think this would cause him to relent his father but your son has Roronoa genes and it just bonds him closer with her father.

Zoro’s sword clashes against the smaller sword as his son’s stance was getting tougher and harder to block. Nonetheless Zoro doesn’t let him win. He smacks the sword out of his hand and makes him yield. “That’s another win-“ Zoro goes to speak but he sees the slight tension in his son’s eyes and immediately bends down to the boy’s height. “What’s troubling ya kid?”

“I just don’t get it. I can defeat pirates twice my size, Marines, almost anyone, but I can’t beat you.” Zoro hears his son’s lament and it reminds him of a familiar feeling he had when he was younger. And before he can speak another word Zoro leans in and hugs him. “So? What does it matter. Maybe one day you’ll beat me, maybe one day you won’t. Maybe one day you’ll beat someone stronger than me… maybe you won’t. And that’s okay. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to, and if you want to defeat me well it’ll take a lot longer and more practice.” Zoro picks up the green haired boy and holds him in his hands running a hand through his shaggy locks.

“Don’t pressure yourself. Just worry about what you can do today. Tomorrow will always exist.” Zoro says simply and that calms the five year old’s nerves. The male gives him a smile and ruffles his locks before going to leave the crow’s nest. “Alright now let’s find mama.”

•Sanji

Unlike everyone else, Sanji gets you pregnant because you two think you’re ready for a child. Keyword Is think. “Oh my love~ I’ve prepared the strawberries cream cheese and jalapeños you’ve request~!“ You don’t lift a finger during your pregnancy. Sanji does everything for you and forbids you to go exploring or fight during this time. For better or for worse you stay with the Sunny every time it docks. And Sanji prefers to stay with you every time but if he genuinely can’t and needs to help protect the crew he kisses you like it’s his last every single time.

You two have a baby girl and Sanji is ecstatic. He’s going overboard already, buying hundreds of outfits, toys and baby equipment. He bathes her, cleans her, feeds her and if he knew how Sanji would breath for her. You rarely get to see her and she’s YOUR baby. Like Sanji’s practically raising her all by himself. He does her hair, combing her long blonde locks back into two big pigtails. She looks just like her father, even having his ‘curly brows’.

She’s a shy baby. She’s a scaredy cat, and she cries easily. Sanji’s always there to help her feel better. He’s always there to rock her to sleep, and to play with her to stop her from crying. It takes a while for her to get settled with the crew as they all sorta scared her and made her tear up. But Zoro scared her the most for some odd reason. She starts screaming and crying whenever he enters the room and Sanji immediately gets pissed at him. “GET OUT OF HERE MOSS HEAD!” And your daughter is grateful her father’s there to protect her from that scary man.

He sits her down in a high chair nearby while he’s cooking. Making sure to keep her far away from any harm but close enough encase she falls out of the chair. She loves to sing and babble Melodies. She makes the perfect cooking partner. He listens to her sing while he works and hands off little cuts of food to her to taste. “Hmm this taste good?” He’d ask when he hands her a slice carrot. She babbles happily nodding her head while chewing on the carrot slice.

He’s a helicopter parent. He’s always making sure his baby girl is safe. He’s always checking that knifes are put away, and that she can’t play with anything dangerous. Hell he even bubble wraps some baby toys that are too sharp for his likings (calm down babe it’s a plastic fishing rod). He keeps her away from the railings, standing far back and holding her tightly so there’s no chance of her falling in. The worse thing that could possibly happen to him is if she ever gets hurt. Even small bumps or her falling down breaks his self esteem. “I’m a terrible father, how could I have let this happen.” He soothes her pain to the best of his ability but feels so, so terrible he let it happen.

He’s a picture dad. Whoever let this man get his hands on a camera made the biggest mistake of their lives because now they have to deal with him showing them baby pictures of her. Every single second of the day. “Oh! Oh here’s where she spit out her tongue at her food! And here’s her sleepy face! Isn’t she so adorable!” He gushes over her showing them pictures and taking up their life while his daughter is right there staring at them both. He takes pictures of every little moment and makes not just one scrap book, but multiple. On every island he makes sure to stock up on camera film because it’s most likely going to be gone by tomorrow.

Speaking of which when the Sunny is docked on a new island your daughter is with you at all times. Knowing Luffy’s attraction to danger and how he’s one of the strongest he often has to fight. He instructs you to run and hide in the safest place possible with your daughter if danger arises. He trusts you to protect her but when push comes to shove but he rather you both are safe while there’s danger around. And if you’re threatened, or worse. Your daughter is. Sanji will rip anyone who threatens his family apart and with no remorse. Even women. That’s how you know he’s serious.

When she’s 5 Sanji’s even closer with his little one. He buys her anything she asks for! It’s all worth it just to see her smile. (Nami never gives him allowance anymore since he spent millions of berry on a purebred horse rental for her). She’s the sweetest little girl around, and has a soft spot for animals. She wants to become a veterinarian even. And while Sanji knows little to nothing about animal care, he’s still his daughter’s biggest fan and supporter. But his world opened when he found his daughter we crying, he wondered why but then saw the dead squirrel in her palms. She must have snuck it back on the ship and kept it as a pet, but due to Sanji’s sheltering she didn’t know what was going on. He neglected to teach her about death, he thought such scary things and concepts could wait until she was older but it was clear he made a mistake.

“P-papa….” “Oh come here sweetheart…” Sanji engulfs her in a hug and pulls her into his lap while she cries into his chest. “I don’t know why he won’t wake up! I brought him food and water! B-but he hasn’t woken up in two days! I-I don’t know why but I feel sad! W-what’s wrong with Mr. Squirrel?” As his daughter cries and sniffles against him he doesn’t know where to start really. He stammers over his words before he starts. “Honey…Mr. Squirrel is dead…” “He stopped breathing and now he’s not here anymore. No one knows where you go when you die but he’s not with us anymore.”

“O-oh… well can he come back and say goodbye first?”

“I’m sorry sweetie but that’s not possible.”

“Oh well…. Can… can we die too? Is that gonna happen to you one day? And… mama? And me?”

“Yes sweetheart. Everyone dies. But it’s always at the right time, you’ll make memories you’ll never forget and when it’s time for your journey to end. It must meet its end.”

“I don’t want to die.”

“No one does. And if you could live forever I’d find a way for you too. But for now it’s something that happens to everyone and everything. There’s no need to be scared of it. It’s just apart of life. Don’t worry about it now my love, for now we can burry Mr. Squirrel and have a funeral at the next island. Would you like that my dear?”

The air is quite somber as the little girl processes what death is and that she can’t run away from it. Her tears come to a stop and suddenly she doesn’t feel that sad anymore now that she realizes it’s a part of life. “Mmhmm… I’d like that.” She whispers and Sanji smiles at her picking her up and exiting her bedroom. “Now let’s go find a shoebox to put him in until the next island.”

[urfavlarry]

Can I request a Tyler ( or Aiden but please Tyler) x reader fic? Reader has lived in the phantom realm for almost her entire life and because of that she is always sleepy and hungry since she doesn't get transported back like the others. But she is a great fighter. Fem or gn reader please and could you please write a scenario too? Thanks you and a you can ignore this if you like ❤

warnings: bad grammar, swearing, mentions of reader not eating, reader has some form of insomnia(??) gender neutral reader

A/N: I tried to make sure that this is gender neutral but if I made any mistakes then please correct me! Also I’m new to the fandom so if I got anything incorrect then again, don’t be afraid to correct me.

I hope I wrote everything the way you wanted and that you will request again some time<3

Tyler & Aiden (seperate) x gn!reader

——————————————

You’ve been stuck in this place for a while, ever since you were about 13. One day you were playing outisde in the yard, when you saw this strange creature. You being a naive child went towards it and tried talking to it. You weren’t really the type of child to be scared of everything and you thought it was just your imagination. When you when to confront it, you collapsed. After that you woke up in this strange place, an exact copy of the real world yet the sky was red and strange creatures started to appear everywhere. Your big brother would get into fights often, so he taught you some self defense so you managed to survive, quickly seeking shelter. At your age many kids would panic and probably wouldn’t survive, but you pulled through. Ever since then you kinda were afraid to sleep, scared that the creatures would somehow manage to get to you and hurt you. Same with food, you rarely went out to get food, only living off what people left in their houses, well at least the houses that weren’t infested with phantoms.

You and your parents would go out into the wilderness often, so you had necessary survival skills and had enough supplies for the first few weeks of being there. You learned to survive the phantom attacks and you have a pretty well built shelter. In the present time you met a group of people your age. You almost collapsed from how happy you were to finally have human interaction after so many dreadful years of being in this horrific place. They accepted you into the group, some being a bit skeptical at first but changed their mind once you told them your story.

You were a more skilled person in the group, taking the role as leader with a girl named Ashlyn. You moved your things from your shelter that wasn’t that far from the “graveyard” as they liked to call it. After a few hours you were done taking your things there and saw they weren’t there anymore. Your eyes widen and you start to panic; “Did they leave me?” “Was I just imagining it?” “Did they get hurt by the phantoms?” You run into one of the buses and see a note on one of the seats. It explained that they have a different experience in this realm. They go to this realm at midnight for 7 hours, then wake up in the human realm. You couldn’t help but envy them but you were glad nothing happened to them and that you weren’t imagining it.

——————————————

Tyler Hernández

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

To say that Tyler would literally turn into your second mother that would be an understatement.

He would constantly bring you food when he could and when he was in the living world he would make you some food before he went to school so you don’t starve while they are away. (things that are moved to a certian place in the living world appear in the “phantom realm”

You two would definitely start dating after some time but you would be the one making the first move lol

He would have some trust issues but once he warms up to you he’s cool

Taylor would definitely be happy that her twin brother is finally happy with someone (even if he can’t see them whenever he wants)

He would cuddle you in the bus and protect you with his life fr

He would be super caring and would scold you if you wouldn’t eat for a long period of time, the same with sleeping.

When you eat and get a normal amount of sleep you have a LOT of energy. Like it’s as if you drank 10 cups of coffee in on go!

definitely praises you!!

He would be jealous if you taught anyone other than him so give him some love right after!!

Admires you for sure like he’s looking at you with heart eyes and is the most love sick guy you will ever meet lmao even if he doesn’t look like it

Overall I believe he isn’t the MOST caring in the group but definitely one of the most caring :3

Everyone quickly started noticing your sluggish movements and the constant rumbling of your stomach. You always had dark eye bags under your eyes and you were exhausted all of the time. Tyler was the first one to notice and comment on it. You tried saying you were fine but he just didn’t buy it. “Come on I can tell you’re exhausted and clearly hungry, come we should have at least an apple for you to eat.” He says and drags you to the bus where they would keep these types of necessities. He mumbled some swears you couldn’t quite understand since it was in Spanish. He handed you the apple and rolled his eyes, acting like he doesn’t care. “After you eat that go and rest, I don’t want you to collapse tomorrow..” He says, looking away from you and sits down on one of the seats in the bus.

You nod and raise a brow at his strange behavior. He never really acted kind or caring towards anyone except his sister, but you didn’t mind the special treatment. You lay down on the seat, curling into a ball and close your eyes, falling asleep in almost an instant. It was a while since you’ve slept for a healthy amount of time. You usually wouldn’t sleep or only had a few minutes of sleep since the phantom noises kept you awake constantly.

You slept for quite a long time, even past the time the group would appear and wake up in the real world. The moment it hit midnight Tyler quickly checked up on you, hoping you wouldn’t be mad that he wasn’t there when you woke up, but when he went to look towards the seat you slept on you were still there, asleep. He was taken aback by this since you slept for literally the whole day! He shook you awake, wanting to make sure you didn’t die or something in your sleep. You woke up, grumbling as you glared at the person who woke you only to see Tyler with a concerned expression. “What?” “What do you mean what!? You slept for like 30 hours!” He says and looks at you as if you were some kind of psycho. “Oh I did?” You ask, stretching your aching body and sit up. “Jeez Y/N when was the last time you’ve slept? And I mean properly.” You chuckle at his reaction and explain how you’ve had trouble sleeping, since you heard the phantoms like Ashlyn, just not so intensely. You explain your situation a bit more to him, not wanting to just leave him without an explanation on why you were the way you were.

You explain and Tyler looks at you with a sympathetic but quickly rolls his eyes and flicks your forehead; “Whatever nerd, come it’s time for you to teach us fighting or whatever..” He rolls his eyes and exits the bus. You usually teach the group how to fight when they can’t practice with Ashlyns parents since.. her parents can’t go into the realm with them. Tyler was sitting on the side while you were teaching Aiden and he yelled “Yea babe beat his ass!” He whistles and claps, having a proud look on his face. He definitely admires your skill but is like “pfft of course she’s strong she’s MY girlfriend” but in private he praises the living hell put of you. He grabs you by the hand and pulls you away from the group who is now resting and catching their breath. He pulls you closer to him and cups your cheek; “You did great princesa I’m so proud of you.” He says and kisses you on the forehead. “Oh well what kind of teacher would I be if I wasn’t any good?” You tease and wrap your arms around his neck. “Stop flirting I can hear you both!” Ashly yells and you both pull away quickly and look at each other, bursting into fits of laughter.

Aiden Clark

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

He is a TEASE but like tbh he oblivious asf like bro doesn’t even notice for a good few months even after you start dating

He is really concerned once he finds out tho but still he doesn’t take it THAT seriously but still cares!!

He fr is terrified of you when you have energy tho cuz likeee your really strong

Aiden had seen you fr collapse somewhere from exhaustion and get back up like a few seconds later, beating the phantoms like it was nothing

He is super sad that he can’t see you in the normal world and tries to spend as much time with you as possible

Teases you if your stomach grumbles lmfao he finds that shit hilarious (runs away 2 seconds after he teases you)

Definitely brings you food, even if it’s not the most healthy but if you have a particular food you like expect to get it like at least twice a week

Overall is pretty chill but still caring<3

Aiden didn’t really notice at first, his mind wandering else where like usual or would tease and flirt with you. He only started noticing when you started dozing off in the most inconvenient places like when you were on a mission with the group and they just found you collapsed on the floor, only waking when you heard a phantom and kicked its ass! He was amazed but a little bit concerned but didn’t really show it, teasing you without an end. Once you got back to the graveyard he pulled you away from the rest of the group, finding Ashlyns rambling anout the next plan boring. He leads you to one of the buses and sits down, his back against the window and lays you down on top of him, your head resting on his chest. “What are you—” He silences you with a quick kiss on the lips and smiles, his usual manic like smile no where to be seen, only a genuine soft smile. “Rest, you need it. I can’t promise I will be here when you wake up but just rest, ‘kay? You’re safe.” He hugs you closer and your heart skips a beat. You smile and make yourself comfortable, falling asleep in the blink of an eye.

Aiden layed there with you, rubbing your back and playing with your hair. He grew bored after a while, typical Aiden but he let his mind wander, keeping himself occupied by thinking of random things and unconsciously braiding pieces of your hair. He only snapped out of it when he heard a quite loud rumbling. He lifted his arms off you and looked down at you with wide eyes, his manic like smile reappearing. He chuckled, he would definitely tease you about that later.

After a while he awoke in the real world, he texted the rest of the group in the group chat and smiled mischievously. Once midnight hit, you were awoken by noises coming from outside the bus. You quickly sat up, but calm down once you see a smiling Aiden looking down at you. You sigh, relieved it wasn’t phantoms when the door to the bus suddenly opened. You stood up and saw the group holding different kids of food you haven’t eaten in years! You look at the food like a kid seeing a toy they want and look at Aiden who smiled at you. “Surprise.” He says and the rest of the group places the food down on the floor, everyone sitting down and dig in. You sit down and eat a good amount of food yourself, eating to your hearts content. Everyone watches in awe at how much you ate but they were happy, especially Aiden that they could do this for you.

After everyone finished eating you helped cleaning up, Aiden approaching you and hugging you from behind; “Enjoyed the food, love?” He says and kisses your jaw, then cheek. “Yeah, a lot. How did you come up with this?” He smirks and rests his chin on your shouler; “Oh, I heard a little noise~” He puts one arm on your stomach and chuckles; “And I thought you would be thrilled with this surprise!” Your face turns red and you turn around and smack his head, grumbling and storming away.

[marvelfanfn2187a113]

Protector

Requested by @captaincvans

Dean Winchester x little sister!reader, a little bit of Sam Winchester x little sister!reader

Synopsis: your big brother Dean has always been your protector

It started when you were four years old. Dean answered one of John’s phones, and was shocked to hear your tiny voice on the other end.

“Who is this? How did you get this number?”

“My mommy,” you were sobbing into the phone, and Dean’s heartbeat picked up. Had someone hurt the little girl on the other end? “My mommy said to call if-if bad things happened. She said it was my daddy’s number.”

To say Dean was shocked would be the understatement of the century, but he forced himself to remain calm, if only for the little girl who clearly needed help. John had gone out on a job, and Sam had walked to a nearby store to grab some supplies.

“Ok, well where’s your mommy?”

“The monster…he-he…” you broke down into sobs, and Dean didn’t need to hear anything else.

Dean was usually used to waiting for John’s orders before doing just about anything, but somehow now he knew just what to do. Every instinct inside him screamed to help you from the moment he heard your voice.

He didn’t know then, but that instinct would follow him for the rest of his life.

…

Dean’s relationship with you was different than his with Sam. Dean had practically raised Sam, but he literally raised you. The older the boys got, the more John left them for hunts. And there was the age difference; he was only four years older than Sam, but Dean had already grown up and started hunting by the time you came into his life. And after John died, the two of you became closer than ever, and he took on his role as caretaker even more seriously.

So, needless to say, hunting wasn’t in the cards for you. Of course Dean taught you how to defend yourself, but he knew that once you started hunting, you’d be stuck in that life forever, and that wasn’t a choice he was going to let you make as a teenager.

A part of you always wanted to fight him on it, not because you thought you’d love hunting, but because your big brothers risked their lives on an almost-daily basis, and you wanted to be there to help them. However, it didn’t take long for you to realize that being on a hunt would just put them in more danger; Dean would be so worried about you that he wouldn’t keep his head on straight. You weren’t going to be the reason he got distracted and killed on a hunt.

So you stayed behind.

But that didn’t mean that you were always safe.

…

“Crowley I swear, if you touch one hair on her head-“

“Let me guess, they’ll never find the body?”

“Oh no, they will,” Dean’s fists were clenched so hard, his palms were going numb. “They’ll find it, and they’ll keep finding it. Little bits, everywhere, maybe I’ll even drop you in a couple of different states. I’ll cut you up nice and slow, it’ll take weeks before you’re dead, and that’s if I’m feeling generous enough to let you die at all.”

“My my my, someone is very protective about his little pet. However, your mummy should’ve taught you some manners, because you see…” Dean flinched when he heard your screams over the phone. “I don’t like to be threatened, squirrel.”

“Ok, ok!” Dean relented. Your screams stopped.

“Good. Now, here’s my ultimatum,” Crowley’s voice rose in anger, “If you ever want to see this little runt again, the first thing you’re gonna do, is drop the attitude, and show some respect!” Crowley cleared his throat, and returned to his easygoing, neutral tone. “After all, I am the king of hell. And then, after that, you’re going to stop meddling in my affairs. That’s not so bad, is it?”

Dean was about to throw out a snarky response when your voice broke in.

“Don’t listen to him, Dean. He’s just a liar, he’ll betray y-“ your desperate, frightened voice cut off with a high-pitched scream, and Dean could swear he heard Crowley laughing.

“Now now, darling, that’s not very nice. Name-calling is for children. Oh that’s right,” Crowley’s laughter started up again. “You are a child.”

“Stop it!” Not seeing what was going on was driving Dean insane. He could only imagine what Crowley was doing to you. “Alright, Crowley, you get what you want. Just let her go!”

The screaming stopped again.

“Now, that’s sweet, Dean. But I’m afraid I don’t exactly trust your word. So, I’m going have to keep your little rugrat here for a little longer, just to make sure you make good on your promise. Deal?”

“No no no, Crowley you can’t just-“

“I think we’re done here.”

The click that followed might as well have been an atomic bomb.

…

“We got a location.”

Dean had never jumped up that fast in his entire life.

“Finally, let’s go.”

“Dean, hold on,” Sam placed his hand out, stopping Dean in his tracks. “We don’t know how many demons are guarding it.”

“You know what, Sam? I don’t really care. There could be a thousand demons in there for all I care. She’s in there, so I’m going.” Dean brushed past Sam, who reluctantly followed him into the Impala.

“I’m just saying, it would be nice to have a plan.”

“I have a plan.” Dean peeled out of the driveway and sped along the road.

“The plan is get her back.”

…

You heard them before you saw them. It would be impossible not to; the screaming of demons and the thud as bodies hit the floor wasn’t exactly quiet.

However, when the door burst open, it wasn’t your brothers who came in.

Crowley rushed toward you, his hand outstretched to grab you and teleport you with him. A split second before his hand reached your shoulder, the demon blade whizzed past his ear and struck his arm, throwing him off balance and onto the floor. Before he could get back up, Dean was on him, not even bothering with the knife as he pounded on Crowley’s face. Sam rushed in after him, grabbing Dean by the shoulder and pulling him off.

“That’s enough, Dean! Just use the kni-“

Before either brother could move towards the demon blade, Crowley had disappeared.

“No!” Dean slammed his fist against the wall, and was about to do it again when he heard it.

“Dean?”

Never, not even when you were little, had Dean ever heard you sound so small; so fragile. He turned, his gaze instantly softening, his fists relaxing as he rushed to your side. He quickly untied the ropes holding you to a metal chair, and as soon as you were free you collapsed into his waiting arms.

“You’re ok,” Dean’s eyes stung as he gripped you tightly to him. “You’re safe now, I’m here.”

“Is she ok?” Sam stepped up behind Dean, and Dean reluctantly pulled away to check you for injuries.

There was a gash along your cheek, and he saw several cuts on your arms and legs, but what really worried him was the blood covering the front of your shirt.

“Baby, can you…” Dean touched the pool of blood dripping down your stomach. You lifted your shirt a few inches, and he saw a deep cut running along your ribs. Blood was still gushing freely from the cut, and Dean quickly removed his top layer of flannel, pressing it against the wound.

Sam flinched when you cried out, and Dean winced.

“I know, I know it hurts honey. I need you to hold it there, though.” You took the shirt from him and he nodded, “Yeah, good, press it tight.” He glanced around one more time to be sure no demons were coming, before he scooped you into his arms. You cried out again when he jostled you, and he tried to ignore you as he turned to Sam.

“You gotta watch my back, I’ve got her, but I don’t know if there are any more demons still here.”

Sam nodded, taking the demon blade.

“Alright, I’ll drive.”

…

“Do we need to take her to a hospital?” Sam glanced to the back of the Impala, where your head was resting in Dean’s lap as he held his shirt against your cut.

“I’m ok,” your voice was quiet, almost sleepy.

“We should take her in,” Dean insisted.

“It doesn’t look like she’s lost that much blood,” Sam hesitantly argued.

“Dean, I’m ok,” you turned your gaze from your injury to your big brother. “Really, just stitch me up. I’ll be fine.”

Dean relented hesitantly, mostly because he didn’t put it past Crowley to try to alert local authorities to all the bodies he’d left in his wake saving you. The last thing you needed was to be stuck in a hospital while Sam and Dean got arrested.

“Alright, ok. But you gotta stay awake, understand?”

You were silent for a few seconds, and when your voice lifted he could hear the tears you were trying to hold back.

“He wouldn’t let me sleep.”

Dean felt the white-hot anger rising in him, but he forced it down.

“You…but you were gone for three days.”

“I know. But ev-every time I tried to sleep…” you picked at one of the cuts, and Dean got the picture. He glanced up to see Sam gripping the steering wheel with all his might, his knuckles turning snow-white.

“I’m sorry,” Dean’s soft voice was only beat by the softness in his eyes as he looked down at you. “I’m so sorry. But you gotta stay awake just a little bit longer, I’m sorry.”

You knew he wasn’t just apologizing for that.

“Dean, it’s not your fault.”

He turned to look out the window, and you knew he didn’t believe you.

“Dean,” you tried to raise your voice, but it just sent you into a fit of coughing. His head whipped back to look at you, and he squeezed his hand under your head, lifting you up a little so you could breathe.

“Honey, don’t talk, don’t talk. You’re ok, just breathe.”

“Dean,” you took a deep breath, “Dean it’s not. It’s not your fault-“

“Shh, shh,” he insisted, eyes flitting nervously over your face. “Kiddo please, don’t talk.”

“Then say it.”

Dean sighed, and you knew he wouldn’t mean it, but you wanted him to say it anyway.

“It wasn’t my fault.”

…

“I’m sorry,” Dean winced when you sucked in a breath, trying desperately to stay still as he sewed you up.

“I’m ok,” you insisted.

“Ok, I’m done,” Dean tied off the last stitch, and you hesitantly stood and headed to your bathroom to shower off the blood that was all but covering you.

Dean sat on your bed while you were gone, staring down at the blood on his hands, disgusted but somehow unable to get up to wash it off.

He stayed there until you returned, a clean shirt and your pajama pants on. You stepped up to him, placing a hand on his shoulder. He glanced up, opening his mouth to speak before closing it again. You tugged on his arm without speaking, and he followed you mechanically as you pulled him into your bathroom.

You turned on the sink water and guided his hands under the flow, rubbing his hands until they were clean and your blood was running down the drain. You handed him a soft towel, and he slowly dried his hands.

The two of you stood there in silence, unsure of whether to move or not. Then suddenly, the two of you moved in sync. He opened his arms just as you moved towards him, and he wrapped you into his arms. One of his hands cradled the back of your head, while the other rested on the small of your back. You felt his chin rest on the top of your head, his arms tightening around you.

“I’m so sorry,” he choked.

You wanted to tell him it wasn’t his fault, but you knew that you could scream it til doomsday and Dean still wouldn’t believe it. So instead you said what he needed to hear.

“I’m ok.”

…

You weren’t the only one who hadn’t been able to sleep during your captivity, and you knew it. Dean looked horrible, his eyes dark and his hair greasy and sticking out in strange angles. You didn’t think you could convince him to eat or shower, not yet at least. He hadn’t left your side in the hour since you got back, and you figured he would want to watch over you while you slept.

So, if you couldn’t make him eat, you figured you at least knew a way to make him sleep.

You let him tuck you into your bed before grabbing onto his arm as he turned to go.

“Stay with me,” you insisted. He nodded and reached to grab a chair.

“No, with me,” you lifted a corner of the blanket. Dean didn’t speak, he just climbed in next to you and let you lean against his arm.

After a few minutes, Dean’s breathing evened out and you smiled.

He was your protector, always.

But maybe there was some ways that you could save him, too.

[inuyashaluver]

I loved Sleepy Girl so much and I somehow just came up with an angsty part two, where Y/N drives back home alone after practice and gets in a car accident and is in a coma and Leah tells her something along the lines ‘I never wanted you to wake up more now, please open those eyes’ or something like that. I WOULD DIE WITH YOUR WRITING, it would be so so perfect

sleepy girl [ part 2 ] - leah williamson

leah williamson x reader

description: in which your sleepiness that was once leah’s favourite became one of her nightmares

warnings: angsty but happy happy ending, my loves, mentions of: injuries, hospital, unconscious reader, tears, swearing, longgg

a/n: when i wreck all the softness with sadness and then give you more softness because i’m nice, my goodness - first REALLY angsty fic, i hope i did you all justice!! also you are so sweet, thank you so much, baby!

read part one here!!

⋆ ★ ⋆ ★ ⋆ ★ ⋆ ★ ⋆

no matter the time or place, you were still the same. you were leah’s sleepy girl.

your ability to fall asleep on your girlfriend still as prominent as ever, happening anywhere and everywhere.

—

now that leah had returned, your ‘leah training naps’ were used up to your advantage like no tomorrow. taking every opportunity to fall asleep on your girlfriend.

you were both training with arsenal, training finally finished and proving to be quite a difficult one.

important matches were approaching, so it only made sense that the intensity and demand of training was heightened.

leah had gone into the change rooms first while you were talking to alessia and kyra about a new movie you and leah had watched in cinema.

though, your words got cut short when a yawn escaped your mouth and the two girls chatting with you immediately laugh.

alessia grabs your arm while kyra pushes you from behind, teasing you as they entered the change room.

leah was already showered, dressed in sweats and a hoodie that had her looking so warm and inviting. she was scrolling on her phone waiting for you.

“delivery!” alessia grins, pushing you into the lap of your girlfriend who barely had time to put her phone down to catch you.

leah took one look at your face to realise what the cheeky grins from the younger girls were for. “do i need to sign?” leah teases, her hand holding your thigh as you buried your face into her neck. she feels the vibration of your laugh on her skin and she can’t help but smile.

“already sleepy, my girl?” leah asks fondly, her hand moving to cradle your head to her while the other rested on your thigh, her thumb brushing over the skin gently.

you hum in response, pressing a gentle kiss to where her neck met her shoulder. “you smell nice” you mumble against her skin, “you’re so cute” she coos, kissing your forehead while you quite literally melted into her.

and before you knew it, you dozed off. leah chuckled when she felt your dead weight against her.

her hand moving from the back of your head to rest under your training top, rubbing gentle circles on the skin of your back.

“like clockwork” she teases gently, sending small smiles to people that would smile at the two of you and send glares to the ones being a little too loud.

“bethany, turn around and walk the other fucking way” leah whisper shouts, already knowing what was going to happen just by the shit eating grin on the girl’s face.

“i’m not doing anything, relax” beth laughs, sitting beside leah and giving a couple smirks to the few people left in the room.

“(y/n) fire!” beth yells, getting a harsh slap on the leg from leah that had the girl wincing.

surprisingly, you didn’t wake up.

“well that’s just concerning” lia grins, leah rolls her eyes at both of them. “can you please let my girlfriend sleep peacefully for two seconds?” she pleads, still whispering, she freezes when you nuzzle into her further, letting out a heavy sigh against her skin that gave her goosebumps.

“(y/n), leah’s leaving!” alessia yells, laughing brightly as you stir awake, “good to know where her priorities are, leah’s buzzing” alessia grins, leah didn’t deny it, her cheeks did get a little pink when your confused face moved from her neck.

“you’re leaving?” you mumble sadly, wrapping your arms around her neck. leah immediately coos, you were the cutest person in the world.

“no, baby, i’m not going anywhere” she kisses all over your face, pulling you closer to her while she flips off the three teasing girls who were now dispersing from the change room.

you pull away from her slightly to face her, giving her your signature sleepy smile before placing a sweet kiss on her lips. she hums against you, your lips moving together tenderly as you drew her in closer by her neck.

“you ready to go?” she mumbles between your kisses, you only pulling away to give her a gentle nod, a couple of quick pecks pressed against her mouth making her giggle softly.

you stand up and stretch with a loud groan, “that was a good nap, babe, thanks!” you say cheekily, holding up your hand for a high five.

she chuckles, high-fiving you but interlacing your fingers together, pulling you to her by your interlocked hands and placing a kiss to the top of your knuckles.

“anytime, gorgeous” she smiles at you charmingly, grabbing both of your bags and walking out together.

—

arsenal was having a day full of media, usually one of your favourite days because they always paired you up with your girlfriend.

you both weren’t called up yet, having the time to relax before you both had to film. and of course, you took advantage of the situation, running over to her with an excited smile as she chatted with lia.

“hey, baby, i was looking for you” she smiles as you approached, bending down slightly to place a quick kiss to your lips in greeting.

“how many naps have you had today, (y/n/n)?” lia grins at you, “none yet, i’m due for one” you say cheekily, giving your girlfriend a suggestive smile.

“can i help you with something?” she chuckles, you only smile at her in response, placing your hands on her hips to pull her closer to you.

lia got called for media and she waves you both goodbye, both of you barely registering it with the way you were staring at each other.

“my gorgeous, beautiful, amazing girlfriend-” you start, “we can take a nap, babe” she laughs as you immediately perk up, grabbing her hand and running to a beanbag.

you push her down on it and lay on top of her, immediately cuddling into her as she wrapped her arms around you. and in a short time, you fell asleep. leah smiled fondly when your steady breaths grazed her skin.

you slept for about an hour before you were called up with leah, receiving numerous kisses to your forehead as you woke up slowly. “come on, baby” leah whispers, “no” you whine, refusing to move as leah tried to wake you up.

“please” leah cooed, resting her head on top of yours while her arms encircled your waist. “lee” you groan, holding yourself up to hover over her,

“you’re so pretty” leah smiles up at you, making you go slightly pink in the cheeks as she looked at you adoringly.

she pulls you down for a kiss, somehow managing to drag you off the beanbag, wrapped around her like a koala as she carried you over to a table with challenges on it for a video.

“sorry we’re late” leah grins, the media team laughing when you give them a tired smile and wave.

you both did media for around an hour and a half, about to leave together before you get asked to do an individual interview. you look at leah with a pout and she laughs,

“it’s alright, baby, take my car and i’ll go home with viv and beth” leah assures, pulling you into a little hug. “you sure?” you mumble against her.

“i don’t want you being stuck here so take the car, i’ll go home and start dinner” leah assures, her hand cradling your cheek as you look up at her sadly.

“it’s only a couple of hours” she smiles, looking right into your eyes with blown out pupils. you nod reluctantly, puckering your lips at her.

she closes the gap, placing a few soft kisses to your lips before she ushers you to get back to work.

“i love you” she whispers against your lips, “i love you too” you say back instantly, pressing your lips to hers before she waves at you.

“don’t make smileys for dinner!” you yell out after her, “no promises!” you laugh brightly as she matches your energy, sitting down to answer your interview.

—

you do your media duties, sending leah a message you were about to leave colney. you go to leah’s car and begin the drive home, you were driving in the familiar streets, relatively residential areas you passed everyday.

you were about to turn into a street, just one away from your home where leah was waiting for you.

that’s when a car came out of nowhere, you saw it coming and you couldn’t do anything about it, unable to move. the car pulled out of the junction without even stopping and swiped the front of your car.

you breathing quickened, a scream escaping your throat at how fast the car came at you, you felt your legs trapped, hitting your head harshly on the side of the car from the impact.

the airbag deployed and sent you jolting back in your seat. the seatbelt kept you safe but also grazed the side of your neck painfully.

all you could think about was leah.

from the hit to your temple, you passed out immediately and didn’t know the severity of the crash.

your car had flipped completely on its side, you were knocked out cold. witnesses immediately called for emergency services, the other car damaged as well but he was completely unscathed. (he got a hell of a law suit)

leah was worried by how long it had taken you to come home, especially without notice. she called your phone, it rang 4 times, you always picked up on 1. she paced around the front door waiting to see your dazzling smile walk through that door.

the phone picked up, “baby, where are you? are you okay?” she rushed out, barely giving who she thought was you time to respond.

“sorry, are you this girl’s partner?” a woman’s voice on the other side of the phone. “uh, sorry yes, who is this?” leah felt her heart beating out of her chest, why did this strange woman have your phone.

“i’m a paramedic, i have your girlfriend in the ambulance with me and it’s very serious, do you think you could make your way to the hospital?” leah flatlined right there.

“excuse me? what the fuck happened, what’s wrong with my girlfriend?” leah feels tears welling in her eyes, scrambling to get her shoes on and rushing out of the door.

she was so thankful your car that was barely used was here, getting details of the accident as she rushed to the hospital.

when she reaches the front desk, she’s full on sobbing at this point.

“my girlfriend’s been in an accident, can you help me find her?” she breathes out, the nurse at the front immediately knew who she was talking about.

“you must be leah, ms (y/l/n) is currently in surgery, she’s lost a lot of blood and has a few serious gashes to her head and neck” the nurse explains carefully, the tears rush down leah’s cheeks as she hears the details, internally cursing herself for not waiting for you.

“she’s also broken her wrist, i’m so sorry but you’re going to have to wait until she’s out of the operating theatre to see her” the nurse says sympathetically, directing leah to a chair outside the theatre.

leah’s leg bounced as she waited for you, sobbing as she called your family, her family, jonas. she felt so guilty, her heart completely shattered thinking about how scared you probably were. wishing she was there for you.

this wasn’t supposed to happen. you were supposed to be at home, cuddling, sleeping. not in a fucking hospital getting poked and prodded to keep you alive.

—

you finally get rolled out of the operating theatre and leah rushes up, gasping when she sees you. you have a tube in your mouth, drips attached to your arms and bandages around the head, your arms. you looked so frail. leah began to cry again.

“baby” she breathes out, holding onto the bed when they transfer you into the intensive care unit. “she’s stable” the doctor assures, “she’s going to be okay” he nods, answering her like he can read her mind.

the nurse explains you’re in a coma, and probably will be for a bit but it’s surprisingly not too serious.

they assure leah that the paramedics got to you in time, your injuries sustained were treatable and can be managed easily with time and patience. something leah had an endless amount for you.

leah sits down beside you with a heavy sigh, shakily grabbing your hand and holding it gently, her thumb brushing over your knuckles.

“my girl” she said tearfully, her forehead pressed into your thigh. she listened to the faint beeping in the room, your heartbeat steady.

—

people came in and out to see you and leah hardly ever left your side, it had been two weeks since the accident, the amount of love and support being sent your way was honestly overwhelming for leah.

she took care of you diligently, only going home when it was necessary and it was never more than an hour.

regularly rushing over from training despite the pleas of jonas and the girls telling her to take time off. but she knew you wouldn’t want that, you’d hate the fact she barely left to take care of herself.

“always been such a sleepy girl” she smiles, brushing stray hairs from your face as she sat beside you. “i miss you so much, baby” she sniffs, a tear escaping her eye as she looked at you. you didn’t require your tube anymore, only requiring an oxygen mask.

you wounds were healing well, you were recovering. slowly but leah didn’t care, wanting you to get the best care possible and she made sure of it.

“at training, beth told me laura taught myle another new trick, when you’re up, maybe we can go and see baby myle, i’m sure she misses her favourite auntie” she smiles, her finger curling and brushing your cheek gently.

“everyone sends you their love, no one more than me though, for my special baby” she chuckles, adjusting your blankets in an attempt to make you as comfortable as possible.

she lets out a heavy sigh with a pained smile, holding your hand again as she just looked at you. she knew she looked awful, having barely any sleep. but how could she, you were in bed all day while she waited for you to wake up. she wouldn’t wish it on her worst enemy.

“i don’t think i’ve ever wanted you to wake up more than right now” she says tearfully, “please just wake up, baby” she chokes out, crying into her arm on the bed while the other gripped your hand.

that’s when she felt your hand twitch slightly, her head snapped up to look at you. you went still again. “(y/n)” she breathes out, her eyebrows furrowing as she looked at you. your finger twitched again in her hold, everything went quiet.

“it’s okay, darling, i’m here, beautiful” she utters, “wake up for me, gorgeous” she pleads, your hand fully grips hers then and she freezes, you begin to stir and she yells for a nurse, she comes rushing in and immediately calls for your doctor, your eyes slowly begin to open and you’re very disoriented.

“hey, sleepy head” leah laughs with tears, in disbelief and relief you finally woke up.

the doctors rush in and check your vitals, showing good signs physically but also being able to identify your name, the year, the last thing you did.

leah cried out in relief, watching as you slowly came to your senses.

when the doctors start explaining what happened to you, everything made sense, you nodded along with them, processing everything with tears running down your cheeks.

when you start to remember everything, you gasp, suddenly screaming for leah, her eyes widen, “baby, breathe, i’m here” she asserts, smoothing down your hair and sitting on the edge of your bed directly next to you, making sure to face you.

“leah, the car” you cry, hyperventilating as you looked at her with wild eyes, “forget about the car-” leah says sternly,

“no, i fucking crashed your car, your expensive car, oh my god” you breathe out, the nurses and doctors stand their awkwardly but this was actually a good sign, showing how well you have recovered.

“baby, don’t worry about it, please, listen to the doctor” she scolds slightly, squeezing your hand but you begin to cry harder. “leah, no, the car-” you sob.

“you’ve somehow got it in your fucking head that i care about the car more than you!” leah exclaims,

“you’re the only thing i care about, so forget about the car” leah reprimands.

“we’ll give you two a minute” the doctor smiles, leah giving them a nod as they all get out of the room.

“i’m so sorry” you cry, leah tutts, pulling you to her chest, her hand cradling your head to her chest.

“there’s nothing to be sorry about, baby girl” leah says softly in your ear.

she pulls back to look you in the eyes, “the stupid car can be replaced, you, my love, cannot” she shakes her head, looking right into your eyes to tell you she was serious.

she kisses your forehead softly, hugging you gently as if you were the most fragile thing in the universe.

—

you stayed in the hospital for another week, doing check ups and tests, groaning every time you had to do one and gaining a very icy glare from leah.

she took a week off when you were discharged, taking care of you like you did with her acl injury. barely any breaks. focusing on the other’s health rather than your own. you truly were perfect for each other.

“lee, i don’t want another cup of tea, I want you!�� you plead, pawing at her to sit down with you for just two minutes without her scrambling to do something else.

she was incredibly strict with you, barely letting you do anything for yourself despite your assurance you were fine.

—

leah was flat on the couch as you lay on top of her, sleeping against her gently as she rubbed her hands over your back.

she’s never missed something so much, so simple, although, whenever you were sleeping she couldn’t help but watch you.

she would watch to make sure you were breathing normally, making sure you would wriggle in her embrace when it got tight knowing you were actually alive. you didn’t know about this. but you knew leah cared about you. you felt it everywhere.

the way this girl would just stare at you in astonishment more than usual was heartstopping. leah had a lot of respect for you but even more knowing you’ve been fighting for your life for the past couple of weeks.

she treated you like a fragile flower, afraid to see you break again under her fingertips. you were so incredibly grateful for leah, thanking her profusely with sweet kisses every time she did something for you.

you both confided in each other, telling the other side of the story and gaining that closure you both needed. you were both handling it so healthily, it was beautiful to see.

leah made you laugh, she held you when you cried and assured you everything would be alright. and you felt like it truly was, because you had leah. your leah.

—

about a year later, you made your return to the pitch. leah cried when you ran out on the field, hastily wiping her tears as you passed her, blowing her a kiss as you took your position in an arsenal game.

the roar of the crowd was deafening at a sold out emirates, only getting louder when you scored a goal, getting hoisted up on leah’s waist while she kissed your cheek repeatedly.

you cradle her face in between your hands, pressing a tender kiss to her lips as she let you slip from her waist to the ground. you both shared a knowing look, all the hard work had been worth it for this moment. having each other at your weakest points proving to be everything and more.

when you both made it to the change room, you collapsed onto leah’s lap, falling asleep quickly and having the girl smiling affectionately.

all the girls smile as they walked passed, happy to see the sight of you and leah in your little bubble. everyone was so grateful you were back.

⋆ ★ ⋆ ★ ⋆ ★ ⋆ ★ ⋆

you know the drill, just pretend it’s you xx ily beffy

liked by alessia and 44,232 others

leahwilliamsonn: 387 days, 4 months and 23 days, the strongest person i know is back and better than ever, i love you more than life, welcome home, my sleepy girl❤️🤍

view all comments

yourname: the strongest person I KNOW, i love you so more

↳ leahwilliamsonn: impossible

↳ yourname: extremely possible

bethmead_: never thought i’d miss seeing your little sloth sleeping on you in my life but i did

↳ alessia: me too

↳ leahwilliamsonn: me too

↳ yourname: me too, i was deprived of my leah naps

↳ leahwilliamsonn: let’s make up for lost time

[postmortemnivis]

spring was simon’s favourite season.

maybe because it meant rebirth, seeing the trees turn a vivid green again and the fields full of flowers and colours gave him hope. he loved to wake up and open his window in the early days of april, when the world was finally getting rid of the chilly morning breeze that always made him sick the first weeks of winter. every time he felt the air getting warmer, he couldn’t wait to change his heavy winter jacket into his windbreaker.

maybe it was because his birthday was in may, and despite not having celebrated it like he should’ve when he was a kid, he knew you would never forget to wake him up with a soft peck on the lips.

‘morning birthday boy.

if you asked him, he would tell you he liked spring better than summer because the weather was more enjoyable, not too hot yet not cold. spring’s light showers were his favourite noise to wake up to, after the one of the coffee maker he got you for christmas.

the real reason simon was so devoted to spring, almost as much as he was to you, were you. what did you expect from him?

he knew you probably couldn’t remember, but all those years back, you two met in early spring, after a particularly difficult winter.

simons life had been a deep, cold and dark winter for the past years. two, five, ten, who kept count anymore? his days would blend one into the other, seasons slowly turning into the next, he almost couldn’t tell the difference between august and february. seasonal depression was real, but somehow it lingered all around the year for him. that was before you.

you were the first shy sun ray that filtered through the clouds, quite literally. you, as fresh as the cold rain, and you heart, as warm as a late may afternoon, were all he needed to get out of his hibernation. you were what simon needed to wake up, the signal that spring and all beautiful things were on the way, that he needed to arise and get out of his hollow tree.

for the first time in years, simon’s eyes realized that spring was blooming everywhere around him, he was just too deep into his winter, blind, to notice; the flowers were blossoming, as beautiful as ever. he was grateful.

for you, for spring, for the sun finally caressing his face and skin and for your sweet kisses, each of them feeling like the first warm day after months of wind and snow.

“good morning, birthday boy.” you whispered as you kissed his lips.

simon squeezed his eyes shut before slowly opening them. he’d heard you get up, of course, the moment you started stirring in bed he was informed you were awake. you could try to keep the military out of the house, but the instincts followed him home, whether you liked it or not.

your bright smile was beaming at him, your hands on his bare broad chest as you sat on his hips, your thighs on either side of his waist.

“‘mornin’ beautiful.” he mumbled, resting a strong hand on your hip as he sat back, leaning against the headrest.

“breakfast’s in the kitchen,” you smiled, “i made coffee too.”

he hummed. “can smell it. i heard you too.”

you grinned.

“what’re grinning at?” he tiredly grinned back.

“want me to bring you breakfast in bed?” you said, “we can stay here in bed all day if you want to.”

he shook his head. “nah, love, i’m coming to the kitchen. i’ll be ready in a minute.”

you brought your lips to his again before getting off of him and caressing his cheek as you walked back to the kitchen, waiting for him.

his eyes followed your figure until you left the room, and he raised his gaze to the ceiling for a minute before shuffling his feet to the bathroom. he closed the door and stood in front of the sink, his hands on either side of the ceramic. his brown eyes, so dark they looked black, remained fixed on his reflection before he walked to the big window and opened the panes.

“simon?” you called. “baby, your coffee’s getting cold!”

his broad figure stood there, studying the nature outside. there was a small park in front of the flat, a little green heaven where mostly children went to play, he could hear from there the laughters and giggles. the trees, wild cherries and guelder rose followed the small street, their branches almost reaching the top floor where you lived.

“comin’ love.”

it was the middle of may, almost summer, and simon took a big breath of the fresh morning air before leaving the window open as he turned around and walked to the kitchen, right into his little piece of spring.

[mostlysignssomeportents]

Too big to care

I'm on tour with my new, nationally bestselling novel The Bezzle! Catch me in BOSTON with Randall "XKCD" Munroe (Apr 11), then PROVIDENCE (Apr 12), and beyond!

Remember the first time you used Google search? It was like magic. After years of progressively worsening search quality from Altavista and Yahoo, Google was literally stunning, a gateway to the very best things on the internet.

Today, Google has a 90% search market-share. They got it the hard way: they cheated. Google spends tens of billions of dollars on payola in order to ensure that they are the default search engine behind every search box you encounter on every device, every service and every website:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/10/03/not-feeling-lucky/#fundamental-laws-of-economics

Not coincidentally, Google's search is getting progressively, monotonically worse. It is a cesspool of botshit, spam, scams, and nonsense. Important resources that I never bothered to bookmark because I could find them with a quick Google search no longer show up in the first ten screens of results:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/02/21/im-feeling-unlucky/#not-up-to-the-task

Even after all that payola, Google is still absurdly profitable. They have so much money, they were able to do a $80 billion stock buyback. Just a few months later, Google fired 12,000 skilled technical workers. Essentially, Google is saying that they don't need to spend money on quality, because we're all locked into using Google search. It's cheaper to buy the default search box everywhere in the world than it is to make a product that is so good that even if we tried another search engine, we'd still prefer Google.

This is enshittification. Google is shifting value away from end users (searchers) and business customers (advertisers, publishers and merchants) to itself:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/03/05/the-map-is-not-the-territory/#apor-locksmith

And here's the thing: there are search engines out there that are so good that if you just try them, you'll get that same feeling you got the first time you tried Google.

When I was in Tucson last month on my book-tour for my new novel The Bezzle, I crashed with my pals Patrick and Teresa Nielsen Hayden. I've know them since I was a teenager (Patrick is my editor).

We were sitting in his living room on our laptops – just like old times! – and Patrick asked me if I'd tried Kagi, a new search-engine.

Teresa chimed in, extolling the advanced search features, the "lenses" that surfaced specific kinds of resources on the web.

I hadn't even heard of Kagi, but the Nielsen Haydens are among the most effective researchers I know – both in their professional editorial lives and in their many obsessive hobbies. If it was good enough for them…

I tried it. It was magic.

No, seriously. All those things Google couldn't find anymore? Top of the search pile. Queries that generated pages of spam in Google results? Fucking pristine on Kagi – the right answers, over and over again.

That was before I started playing with Kagi's lenses and other bells and whistles, which elevated the search experience from "magic" to sorcerous.

The catch is that Kagi costs money – after 100 queries, they want you to cough up $10/month ($14 for a couple or $20 for a family with up to six accounts, and some kid-specific features):

https://kagi.com/settings?p=billing_plan&plan=family

I immediately bought a family plan. I've been using it for a month. I've basically stopped using Google search altogether.

Kagi just let me get a lot more done, and I assumed that they were some kind of wildly capitalized startup that was running their own crawl and and their own data-centers. But this morning, I read Jason Koebler's 404 Media report on his own experiences using it:

https://www.404media.co/friendship-ended-with-google-now-kagi-is-my-best-friend/

Koebler's piece contained a key detail that I'd somehow missed:

When you search on Kagi, the service makes a series of “anonymized API calls to traditional search indexes like Google, Yandex, Mojeek, and Brave,” as well as a handful of other specialized search engines, Wikimedia Commons, Flickr, etc. Kagi then combines this with its own web index and news index (for news searches) to build the results pages that you see. So, essentially, you are getting some mix of Google search results combined with results from other indexes.

In other words: Kagi is a heavily customized, anonymized front-end to Google.

The implications of this are stunning. It means that Google's enshittified search-results are a choice. Those ad-strewn, sub-Altavista, spam-drowned search pages are a feature, not a bug. Google prefers those results to Kagi, because Google makes more money out of shit than they would out of delivering a good product:

https://www.theverge.com/2024/4/2/24117976/best-printer-2024-home-use-office-use-labels-school-homework

No wonder Google spends a whole-ass Twitter every year to make sure you never try a rival search engine. Bottom line: they ran the numbers and figured out their most profitable course of action is to enshittify their flagship product and bribe their "competitors" like Apple and Samsung so that you never try another search engine and have another one of those magic moments that sent all those Jeeves-askin' Yahooers to Google a quarter-century ago.

One of my favorite TV comedy bits is Lily Tomlin as Ernestine the AT&T operator; Tomlin would do these pitches for the Bell System and end every ad with "We don't care. We don't have to. We're the phone company":

https://snltranscripts.jt.org/76/76aphonecompany.phtml

Speaking of TV comedy: this week saw FTC chair Lina Khan appear on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart. It was amazing:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oaDTiWaYfcM

The coverage of Khan's appearance has focused on Stewart's revelation that when he was doing a show on Apple TV, the company prohibited him from interviewing her (presumably because of her hostility to tech monopolies):

https://www.thebignewsletter.com/p/apple-got-caught-censoring-its-own

But for me, the big moment came when Khan described tech monopolists as "too big to care."

What a phrase!

Since the subprime crisis, we're all familiar with businesses being "too big to fail" and "too big to jail." But "too big to care?" Oof, that got me right in the feels.

Because that's what it feels like to use enshittified Google. That's what it feels like to discover that Kagi – the good search engine – is mostly Google with the weights adjusted to serve users, not shareholders.

Google used to care. They cared because they were worried about competitors and regulators. They cared because their workers made them care:

https://www.vox.com/future-perfect/2019/4/4/18295933/google-cancels-ai-ethics-board

Google doesn't care anymore. They don't have to. They're the search company.

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/04/04/teach-me-how-to-shruggie/#kagi

[headspace-hotel]

The day before yesterday I got to try a ripe pawpaw for the first time.

Someone else was supposed to come in at the center, but I was in the mood to be alone, so I fucked off into the woods at the earliest available opportunity, looking to collect more hickory nuts.

I hiked about two miles down the trail, seeking to find a little-used path as far from the center as I could reasonably make it. I was five or ten minutes down a fork in the path heading down a valley when I unexpectedly smelled something familiar: the scent of ripe pawpaws. I only knew that scent from having come upon a rotten one several days back on the trail.

I had seen pawpaw trees on the way up, but I looked around and saw nothing. I indulged a beast-like impulse: I sniffed. I turned until I was facing the direction of the scent and moved towards it. And I saw, about 50 feet away down the hillside below...a pawpaw grove

Some interesting facts about pawpaws:

The pawpaw is the largest fruit native to North America, known for its "tropical" flavor. Despite being reputed to be delicious, it is not found in grocery stores due to the fruits being far too delicate to ship without spoiling. A few people farm them, but otherwise the only way to get one is to come upon one growing wild, which is rare, because the opossums love them.

Pawpaw trees are hard to grow and take 10-15 years to produce fruit, but you can see wild ones in mature and well managed woods of Kentucky. They are small, barely trees, only about 15-20 feet tall, with trunks only a bit bigger around than a circle you can make with your index finger and thumb. They almost always grow in clonal colonies, groups of many trees that are all clones of each other due to being propagated from the roots of existing trees. They are also strictly understory trees, growing in the shade of much larger trees.

Now, an interesting fact about Eastern Kentucky: At the fringe of Appalachia, and even into parts of the Outer Bluegrass, the terrain frequently turns into very steep rolling hills.

It's hard to notice if you are in more cultivated areas that have been leveled out more, but in wilder parts you can seldom just casually walk in a straight line through the woods. Unless you are following the contour of the hills, you are either sliding and gripping saplings to slow your descent or you are climbing on all fours.

Such was the hill below me, descending at roughly a fifty-degree angle into the pawpaw grove.

I was going to get me some fucking pawpaws.

I climb down the hill by a combination of scooting, sliding, and scrabbling. After a few minutes of struggle I am standing in the pawpaw grove, alone, scanning the branches with my eyes.

The ground is littered everywhere with pawpaws, some very rotten. I see only two or three fruits remaining in the trees, and I walk around giving each tree a good shake, thinking to myself about how this is certainly an experience shared by millions of years' worth of primate ancestors before me.

After nearly ten minutes of (literally) fruitless tree-shaking, I start to eye the fallen pawpaws on the ground around me.

Some of them are perfectly fine-looking. The skin hasn't even been broken into. I pick one up.

It is very soft, but not squishy like something rotten. It is about as long as my index finger (my hands are small) and oblong. Its smooth skin is pale green and spotted with brown like a very ripe banana. I tear the skin back and give the creamy orange insides a test lick.

Friends.

It was transcendent.

Imagine the most perfect ripe mango, but with a flavor that is more banana-like, mellow and creamy and mild instead of tangy. The texture is perfectly smooth and soft unlike any other fruit. You can lick it and it will just melt in your mouth.

I am autistic and a very picky eater due to the difficult textures of many foods, and this fruit has the perfect texture. Mangos are already one of my favorite foods and this is somehow even better. I remember, deliriously, that farmers are seeking to improve pawpaws for possible commercial production, and it seems like the height of foolishness there in the pawpaw grove. There is no possible way wild pawpaws could be improved. All of creation is tainted by the Fall of Man, except for fucking pawpaws, because they are beyond the earthly tier of fruits.

I lick it like a dog going crazy on a Kong full of peanut butter until it falls apart in my hands and start scanning the ground for another.

They are all perfectly ripe and mostly untouched by bugs or creatures. I start just squishing them in my hands and licking the creamy insides. I am just planting my face in these fruits like some kind of animal. My face and hands are covered in pawpaw squish.

I go through like ten of them before returning to my senses. I've been thoughtlessly wiping my hands on my pants, and they are now more soiled than the clothes of the messiest toddler. I feel primal and connected to my ancestors. I have truly earned my Primate Card.

My mom said in the car that I smelled very strongly of something (pawpaws) so it's safe to say that literally every person I passed on the way back down the trail got a good whiff too, and likely connected it to the Pawpaw Squish that was basically all over me.

Regrets: None