#i sorted myself out in a few hours! | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

mitamicah · 3 months

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A serious question for my brain: Why!??

#I hate that I have a bad evening yet again #one would think I would be over the moon giddy and happy still after Jere blessed me earlier #jokes on me I guess #all it took was a 'not even bad comment' feedback on my art and now I feel nothing matters #tbh I don't like where my rendered art is atm #I have some few instances where it turns out amazing #(like with the Berlin or Malmö redraws)#yet most often than not I hate it #I am not satisfied with how my käärijä zine piece turned out #or the 1 year anniversary for tavastia #or the birthday present to myself of me and Bojan #some of these on a very bad day is directly unappealing (ugly) in my eyes #and now I was just asked if there was any difference between my simple and detailed render not by one but two artist friends #bear in mind the simple render takes maybe and hour and 2-3 effect layers #the detailed render takes 3+ hours and oftentimes 25-30+ layers #if fellow artists cannot even see the difference on me putting in effort and the rendered art doesn't look good to me anyways #why am I even bothering #maybe I should just stick to sketching #it seems to be what works out in the end most of the times anyways #or maybe I am just dramatic #one thing's for certain: this sort of killed my mood for drawing #which is not great when working on commission examples + wanted to work on thumbnails for zines #why am I like this #micahs thoughts

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professionaljester · 10 months

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love being 25 and not knowing how to socialize bc i’m autistic and off putting and cringe so no one wanted to talk to me/wanted to be my friend growing up so now i’m an adult with very few friends or ppl i talk to on a regular basis bc i never learned how to socialize or text properly bc no one taught me how

#abc shut it #vent #i’m so lonely it’s not even funny #my talking to myself has just gotten worse in the past few months alone #i just want some friends i can do watch parties with and play games with damn it #i’m so bored and lonely all the time #my life has just been work sleep and chores and it’s driving me insane bc i have nothing breaking up the routine #like it doesn’t help no one texted me bc i was poor and had didn’t get a smart phone until is was basically too late :)#like i know part of it is the depression but #idk i just don’t do anything when i get home #sometimes i do art sometimes i game but usually i just lose track of time staring at tumblr and the next thing i know my few hours—#after work are gone and i have to go to bed #like don’t get my wrong i LOVE my coworkers but i need some more friends within my own age bracket #like is it to much to ask for a group of friends that will watch anime and movies with me in our own discord server #like is that literally to much to fucking ask of the universe can i be allowed to feel like an actual normal human being that’s connected #to the human experience for once in my fuckkng life #and not feel like some sort out outlier that doesn’t fucking exist to anyone #i’m to a point where i think and feel like i’m not even real! lol #like idk i would just like there to not to be days where i literally don’t communicate with anyone #and know what to say when ppl DO text me bc when ppl do text me i half the time don’t even know what to say #and forget the message is there and get to scared to reply after too much time has passed like #i know it’s a me problem that therapy would help but im terrified that it won’t #that i’ll just be going therapy and still be a lonely autisic looser who doesn’t know how to communicate without being off putting #or being too much

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transannabeth · 5 months

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i need to get more into filipino music please does anyone have any recs

#we're going through another im ''''not filipino enough'''' phase. whatever that means.#i'm so disconnected to being filipino that it sometimes feels like a deep physical ache #(for context i grew up in a completely white town that had so few people of color for most of my time there)#(and then i went to an online school for most of college where we didn't . like. make friends.)#the issue with wanting to learn more about filipino culture tho is that i'm afraid that i'll be invading people's spaces #or be appropriating the culture which ???? brain what.#(i am only half filipino my mom is white but i've got a complicated relationship with calling myself half filipino or mixed tbh)#(i'm trying to sort it out but it's hard. it's hard!! ok!!!)#my filipino family lives about 13 hours away and we haven't seen them since um...my cousins cotillion in like 2021?#sorry i'm having a moment i'm having a night does anyone have any music recs from filipino artists #i'll try anything tbh #i actually did a final paper on the evolution of filipino music so this is slightly embarrassing but asldkfjsdkjf its. fine!#this is embarrassing i'm gonna queue it #not pjo #chitter chatter

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dandyshucks · 8 months

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i think a big plus of having Guz be so tall and just in general bigger than me is that I could sit in front of him with my back to his chest and have his arms wrapped around me and he could just hide me away from the world for a little while. he is my own personal brick wall fsdjkl a weighted blanket perhaps too,,

#so much softer than a brick wall ofc dsfkl but . just saying ''wall'' doesnt conjure up the mental image as well as ''brick wall''#my nervous system is absolutely shot fdsjkl i opened my other main account to check in with a couple ppl and got so nauseous and dizzy ;-;#idk what is wrong w meeee (well no i do sort of know but fjsdkl i dont know how to fix That so im pretending thats not the issue)#i was doing so well for a couple weeks too wtf 😭😭#thank god i have a counseling appt on monday dsjkl i think i very much need it #so many difficult things happened today now that i think about it fjksl i did Nawt have a rest day fdsjkl #i think ... tonight i will shut everything out and just draw or write or smth #just completely wrap myself up in creating stuff for a couple hours at least #i would like One hug from my man and perhaps ten minutes of deep pressure FDSJKL or just. feeling safe for a bit. agh. i've said too much #OVERWHELMED. THATS WHAT IM FEELING. AUGH. finally placed the feeling im having HFDSJKL #theres so many strings in my life and i have dropped quite a few over the holidays and i dont think i can pick them back up #like. idk how i ever held all of them wtf jfsdkl how was i doing that !!! theres so many goddamn strings to hold !!#vent //#dandy.cmd

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autistic-shaiapouf · 10 months

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Wondering if I feel weird about jobs bc I have almost exclusively worked high stress high turnover jobs

#I'm the most senior tech in my pharmacy and i haven't even been there for a full year yet #i think i need to re-establish a work/life balance bc im just so tired. i need to let myself have my silly hobbies or SOMETHING #the extra money is nice but I'm really paying for it and i can't let this keep going #it's like. I'm seeing my friends get jobs and i wanna be happy for them but i think about how #when I'm out of work for a few days and I'm prepping to go back. I'll just sit on the edge of my bed and look at the floor #and think about how i do want more time to myself. to read. to draw. to not spend 8 hours on the floor #and that feeling comes up every time someone else mentions entering the workforce #it's an almost existential sort of dread for me #and let me be clear - i actually don't hate my job. people are another beast entirely but my actual job? not terrible at all imo #it just. takes a lot of time and energy and it makes me feel concerned for other people picking up jobs #but i mean. I'm also disabled in multiple ways and need more rest anyways; not everyone functions like me #but it's still a nagging feeling that comes back to me every so often U_U #shai speaks

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milflewis · 1 year

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i generally walk around like 🫤🙃😐 but tonight i’m like. fight me 🙄 what is going onnnn

#normally i am feeling Nothing but my head is buzzing right now i am so full of Rage el oh el #bit frustrated with myself and the whole fucking world and im going to a protest of sorts and getting buzzed after but i have a full #day of classes tomorrow and a four hour lab so i’m not going that hard also i want to be in bed also i’ve been in #bed the past few days so i am eating myself whole i am spitting myself out #do u understand me . ah . Ah . aH . . yes. logging off now i will not be getting involved in a fight tonight 🫡#god is useless im using u people as my witness . i am walking away from all drama tonight . no! i am Running thank u #delete later

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deus-ex-mona · 2 years

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open invitation to everyone who hates reading my tls and stuff~

#special shoutout to this one particular person who may be gaining access to my tls in a very ???? way #bc dudeeee aren’t we mutually blocked? like i think they had me blocked long before i started tling bc i ship aiyuu so i’m???????#and i keep my hottest takes (esp about the [redacted] anime) out of the main tags so how are you even finding my stuff lmfaooooooooooooo #but anyway! translating is just a hobby of sorts for me and i’m mostly tling for myself and my own amusement anyway~#so if you don’t like ‘em you don’t have to read em~~~ you can always make your own tls too!! the floor is yours~~~#but if you wanna duke it out 1v1 my asks and dms are open👀👀👀#sorry for the weird post y’alls this has been weighing on my mind a little for the past few hours lol #anyways chuutan and asuna are the biggest salty troll moods ever ok bye #oh! and if you think this post is about you，dw it’s not~. this person and i are mutually blocked lol there’s no way that they’re seeing this #…maybe. hopefully. lol. but if you are dude… why are you here lol. didn’t you block me for a reason (read: aiyuu)? why did you come baaaaack

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egyptianking · 1 year

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👁️👁️

#a deep revalation of my psyche that i should probably get checked out by a professional #but whenever my self esteem takes a major knock #i always spend the next few hours like #mentally self harming?#if that makes sense #like just sort of msking myself think of things that make me upset #so bc i so often feel undesirable and unattractive and like its almost comical that someone would want me #i just lie there thinking about my celebrity crushes seeing me snd knowinf i like them laughing at me and insulting me #or getting really awkward in a like “ffs someone get this girl away from me before my friends see” type way #like i had a dream where charles Leclerc fucking publically humiliated me and made fun of mt appearance and personality #Which is WILD #find me a psychologist

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scorndotexe · 2 years

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i think. i need an actual break

#the question is #do i give myself an actual break #because i have a fuckton of work to finish and i only have till monday #i just. want to spend a few hours playing a video game #not think about project work at all #i'm barrelling towards burn out and i cant even do anything about it #killing and biting #i just. need to get some work done #more work.#what i really need is a couple of days to play a video game. i also need to start testosterone but obviously that's not happening soon #faking my death to live as Some Sort Of Man #anyway. how are we #persimmon's rambles

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what-even-is-thiss · 2 months

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The reason people don’t want to work is that it’s just normal for them to be in bad work environments.

My issue with working at Walmart wasn’t the work itself I was doing. It was the circumstances around it. The concrete floor, lack of places to sit, having to put up with asshole customers, not getting time off for injuries, and bad pay.

If I had been given shock pads to stand on or a few chairs to rest on sometimes, if they paid me a livable amount of money and I was allowed to yell back at asshole customers, if they had given me any amount of training, I would happily work part time folding clothes all day and telling people where the swimsuit section is.

I’m a creative type. I’m a writer. I’m pretty smart, even. But if I could make a living folding shirts and listening to podcasts in one ear and helping people find the scented candles for 30 hours a week? I would. Leaves some mental space free for me to brainstorm. Lets me catch up on my reading with audiobooks.

But instead I was treated so badly by upper management and customers that I’m like legitimately a little frightened whenever I step into a Walmart now. And I only worked there for three months a few years ago.

I’m a good lower level worker. When I’m treated well. I like finishing tasks. I like being helpful. I like having some time to talk to coworkers and some time alone with my thoughts. I’m a frickin team player. And that’s how I was at my first job. I was treated well by my supervisor. I was trained. They were patient with me. I was so good at being low on the totem pole at that job because I was valued and felt like I was being listened to. I was able to sit still when there was nothing left to do which made it feel less bad when we were on a time crunch. I didn’t mind working hard at that job because it was fun even though I was doing all the low level stuff that the supervisors didn’t want do.

But at Walmart I was like that for all of two days. Then I figured out that nobody appreciated my work and if I worked in my normal people pleasing manner I’d kill myself because their standards were high and the rewards for meeting them were low.

So I slowed down. I started avoiding customers. I started taking a lot longer to get to my breaks and to come back from them. I became worse at my job because no matter how good I was at it there would be no reward, no appreciation, and I’d just be pushed further beyond my limits.

My only level of happiness from that job came from the people who were working with me. The old ladies and my department manager who made sure I wasn’t overextending myself. The one other young man working in the clothing department who always got sent with me to unload the heavy stuff and commiserated with me about the shoulder injuries, the hurting feet we were too young to have.

But none of that was enough to make me stay. We were constantly understaffed. I was constantly abused by customers and not able to do a thing about it. I was not paid much at all. So as soon as I had enough saved up for what I was trying to do and my last semester of college was about to start I handed in my two weeks.

I would have found a way to stay if I liked that job. If I liked that job I would’ve pushed myself to my mental limits to finish college and keep that job at the same time. Heck that job could’ve been a rest from college. A place to get away from it. But I hate that job so I got out as soon as I could.

I want to work. I want enough money to live sort of comfortably. I want to have some tasks to do to give my creativity a rest. I want to be a part of something. But the way that modern corporate run work environments are set up does not give me any of the things I actually want out of a job. And I think that’s the same for millions of people right now. A lot of people would happily spend their lives as a waitress or an Uber driver or a warehouse worker or a farmhand or any other “low skill” job you can possibly think of. But with the way the world works right now those jobs are absolutely miserable. It doesn’t have to be that way. I know because I’ve had a fulfilling part time minimum wage job that I looked forward to going to every week. A job where I was listened to and allowed to sit when I needed to. I miss that job. Especially now since I’ve realized that’s not the standard. It should be. People should look forward to going to work or at the very least not get mild ptsd whenever they set foot into a Walmart.

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mitamicah · 4 months

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#I have thoughts about the new tour yet I am not sure if I should share (given why I do so in tags)#I am not surprised to see denmark is absent #I am a bit surprised to see no scandinavian country AT ALL #not surprised to see germany and the uk have most dates (that's sadly something I've seen a lot from bands/artists I like)#a little befundled with the route he has scheduled for both germany and the uk dates #glad to see other countries like switzerland france and the netherlands get their debut #not surprised it is in october since that seems to be around the same time for his europe antics last year as well #all this said I am a bit conflicted what to do myself #I'd like to go to gigs on this tour #yet I've already run out of the country four times these past upcoming five months (three times to finland)#since it is quite expensive and maybe not something I will have time for given I hopefully get an internship in august #with that in mind I feel like I should probably go for only a few dates #and yet last time I felt very much like I was missing out and overlooked because I didn't go to “more than two shows”#and here is where I feel like my thoughts are probably not great #i was thinking about maybe going for hamburg as first priority since it is the closest (4 hours in train)#then have frankfurt and munich as second priorities making it a little mini tour #I am not sure if I'd physically and mentally be able to do more than three gigs in a row #yet if I am I sort of want to go to zurich too because I've never been there #two days to decide is not very long #I feel very stressed tbh #and I hope noone will take this in any wrong way #please I really dont want to feel shit again #I know my last concert related take was on the fence #(even though as it turned out the venue did worse than me in that regard)#but this one is really just me thinking about what would be the smartest plan #other possible options would be to go for zurich since it is in a weekend (sunday) and then - depending on whether or not I have work #either go home or follow jere to amsterdam (then maybe paris and brussels)#another option is berlin then hamburg and then to home from there (so two shows)#or london and bristol since its the weekend (maybe manchester as well if it is not far - so up to three shows)#the latter I am a bit concerned about since being trans in the uk is not great atm

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radellama · 3 months

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Picky but.. when watching a docco/docco style video, while it can be interesting to hear about how you ended up in contact with certain relevant people, or how there were plans to contact people that fell through, or that you couldn't get in contact with them... I hate when the filmmaker harps on and on about their 'investigative' process and try to dramatise it.

Sorry but. I don't really want a 15-20+ min detour of you lamenting over trying to get in contact with certain people when all that's happened is you sent an email and didn't get a reply.