#i spent so many nights thinking about this scenerio

[marihem]

Ready for that first kiss

Was thinking about how their relationship would work with "romantic" gestures and wanted to figure that out with the activity associated with romance the most, kissing on the lips

[finsterkiibo]

How do you think confessed their feelings first out of Kiibo and Shuichi, and how do you think the confession went?

HI ANON I AM SO SORRY FOR TAKING SO LONG GETTING TO THIS ITS BEEN LIKE A MONTH OR LONGER IM SO SORRYYY AUGH at first I was planning to make one of my usual comics to answer this bc I Honestly Need To Make One for this concept BUT MOTIVATION WORKS AGAINST ME. I HOPE TO FINISH IT SOMEDAY. ITS STILL SOMETHING I NEEDDD TO DO.

BUT TO ANSWER YOUR QUESTION! I have many many confession ideas in my head, self indulgent ones, hypothetical ones, accidental ones, etc. etc. BUT for my most canon compliant, most realistic, most canon TO ME confession scenerio, shuichi is the one to confess! And it’s postgame as well! obviously after kiibo is rebuilt, probably a few months to a year after he’s rebuilt? (realistically). I feel like shuichi most certainly fell for kiibo first, and definitely caught some sort of feelings ingame, especially in some of the later chapters and ftes. but realistically? in a situation like that? especially after kaede and kaito? I don’t think he’d ever want to confess not knowing if either of them would ever make it out. And kiibo on the other hand has a very loose grasp on love ingame and knowing how he kind of looked down on shuichi as inferior for their first few interactions, I think it’s very likely it took him A Bit longer to properly appreciate shuichi as a person and start gaining feeling for him himself (I do think it happens later ingame for him too, but he’s just a lot less aware that those feelings are love as opposed to just strong liking or trust in shuichi after properly interacting with eachother)

but for the scenerio itself, I headcanon all the survivors living together in an apartment postgame! himiko and maki sharing a room and kiibo and shuichi sharing a room, to save space and pay less. Himiko and Maki got jobs almost immediately after they escaped the kg to pay for their home properly while shuichi stayed home figuring out how to rebuild kiibo (though ofc himiko and maki helped when they could!!) So! in that inbetween time before shuichi got a job as well and after kiibo was rebuilt, they spent A LOT of their free time together. They learned things about eachother they never got the chance to ingame. Saw sides of eachother they never got to see before. Without a killing game looming over their head (despite the trauma still very much effecting them) they both were really able to get so much closer. Spend so much more time doing mundane everyday life things, walking, running errands, cooking, cleaning, just. Living. This is when it really settled in for shuichi. this wasn’t just some sudden crush and attachment he had in a killing game, he loves kiibo. he loves seeing kiibo smile. he loves hearing kiibos voice. he loves walking alongside him as they stroll through the neighborhood. he loves kiibo. and this sort of settled in for kiibo too, though he’s still new to the emotion, he’s realizing his attatchment and want to be around and spend time with shuichi is more than just the feeling of friendship. but he just can’t figure it out. why does he feel horrible when shuichi is away. why do his fans go off whenever shuichi smiles…. he must be malfunctioning.

until one night, shuichi laid in his bed, having made the excuse he was going to bed early, leaving the others to finish off dinner. yet he laid there wide awake, his mind racing, going back and fourth on whether he should ever even bother confronting kiibo on his feelings, when kiibo walked in a few hours later to plug himself in for the night too. “this is it.” “just get it over with.” shuichis mind screamed. shuichi sat up, asking to see if kiibo was still powered on. Kiibo perking up from the desk across shuichis bed and telling him he was, and wasn’t expecting shuichi to still be wide awake himself. shuichi stayed silent for a moment, looking down at his hands, fidgeting them a bit. kiibo asking if he needed anything and if he was okay. shuichi looks up at kiibo and just. says it. “I love you, Kiibo.” Kiibo sat in silence for a moment, processing the four whole words that came out of his friends mouth, buffering like a computer. was this just some sort of elaborate prank? shuichi wouldn’t…. then it hit him. that’s what kiibo was feeling. his dread when shuichi leaves and his want to be around him constantly and cheer him up wasnt just some fucked up malfunction. he loved shuichi. And shuichi loved him too.

WENT INTO MEGA RAMBLING TERRITORY AND BORDERLINE FANIC WRITING SORRY ABOUT THAT OOPSIESS APOLOGIES IF ANYTHING DOESNT MAKE SENSE IM NOT AN AUTHOR OR ANYTHING

I JUST REALLY WANTED IT PROPERLY LAYED OUT AND IM GLAD SOMEONE ASKED!! THANK YOU SO MUCH ANON! I HOPE THIS ANSWERS YOUR QUESTION!! hopefully I’ll finish that comic someday eheheh been struggling with it for over a month now and I don’t even color my comics </3

[random-imagines-blog]

Perfect Skin {Remus Lupin x Reader Oneshot}

Requested by: @soularsmate Wordcount: 2570 Summary: Sometimes, a little jealousy can go a long way. Notes: Andrew Garfield as Remus Lupin.

To say that Remus got a little testy near the full moon was an understatement. Even James and Sirius knew to keep their joking and pranking of their best friend to a low around those times. It was like he already transformed into a wolf with how he snarled at anyone who poked fun at him. Even you. It wasn’t even like you had said anything mean to him, you just complained a little about a scar that you had from falling off of your broom the last time that you played Quidditch with James. “Why are you even with me if you hate scars?” He asked, making you and your group go quiet. He wasn’t loud enough for others in the Common Room to overhear over the sound of their own chatter, but he was getting there. “If you hate them that much, then I’ll solve the problem for you. I can’t hurt you if I don’t see you. We’re over.”

“Remus,” You protested, trying to reach out for him. Usually a hand on his shoulder or a kiss on his cheek was enough to calm him down somewhat. But he wasn’t in the mood for that today. He backed out from your touch, refusing himself that little bit of comfort. And refusing you that comfort as well. It hurt like hell when he got up and left the room, the cloud of bad temper over his head. You just watched, mouth agape, the sweet boy that you had been dating for four months, walking away like you were nothing.

“I’m sure he didn’t mean that...” James said, running his fingers through his eternally-messy hair.

“Yeah, he cares about you a lot,” Peter added in.

“It’s just his moon time, you know how he gets,” Sirius insisted.

But despite them staying with you and trying to convince you that everything was fine, you felt that sting in his words. He had meant them. You shouldn’t have been so stupid as to bring up scars, knowing that they were an insecurity for him. He often went on and on about how you had such perfect skin. It was like he was ignoring that you had scars of your own. That you went through your own pain and troubles and got to the other side of them. Nothing as intense as his of course but - it wasn’t a competition. It shouldn’t have felt like one.

“I don’t want to be here when he gets back,” You said, getting up after a couple of minutes of the boys trying to cheer you up. “Even if he didn’t mean what he said, he still said it. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

You left the three boys looking sheepish and upset - they rarely ever saw Remus snap at you like that and it left them feeling uncomfortable. James eventually got up and said he was going to go look for Remus, Peter went up to do some homework before the sunset and they would be going out, and Sirius sat there and stewed. He was close to both of you, closer to you than James and Peter were, anyway.

Remus was going to regret this when he came back to his senses after the Full Moon but Sirius had seen the hurt that was on your face, and wanted to make him regret it even more. A plan started to come together in that devious head of his, and he knew he had to talk to you first thing tomorrow.

-

“That’s ridiculous,” You said at breakfast, watching as the sleepy boy piled food onto his plate. The full moon was a rough night for everyone. You weren’t like the others, you didn’t change your form to try to be with Remus, but you spent the whole night worrying about him anyway. You tried not to, you tried to stay mad at him for attempting to break up with you over something as silly as scars but you loved him too much for that. You stared out the window of your dorm all night, waiting to see the weeping willow freeze and the boys come out of it. So you were much too tired to put up with Sirius’s strange ideas.

“No it’s not,” He said, stabbing a breakfast sausage and shoved it in his mouth. He spoke with his mouthful, making you grimace. How did so many of the girls in this school find this attractive? “It’ll work, I’m serious.”

“Yes, yes, we all know you’re serious,” You said, rolling your eyes at his weak attempt at a joke. “Look, best case scenerio is that he’ll come down for breakfast, he’ll apologize and everything will be okay. Worst case scenario is that he won’t. Why do you want to make an absolute worst ever scenerio by trying to make him jealous?”

“Jealous always works, haven’t you noticed? Plus this will totally help me score a date with that blonde Ravenclaw. Hogsmeade is coming up,” He sang, grabbing the maple syrup to drench his food. “We’ll be doing each other a favor!”

“Sirius...” You said, shaking your head.

“I do love the way that you say my name,” Sirius said, blowing kisses at me. The thought of kissing him, and knowing where those lips had been, made me grimace. But that soon abated when scruffy haired Remus walked past him, bumping into him, and continued down to the end of the table to eat with some third years. Sirius had gotten a head start on the plan before you even realized that Remus was in the room.

You watched him as he sat down and only took a piece of toast for his breakfast. You frowned, getting to your feet so you could tell him to eat more, but Sirius lightly put his hand over yours. “Just let him be for a little while, it was rough last night.”

“You’re one to talk about letting things be,” You said, but lowered yourself back down to continue your breakfast. That didn’t stop you from shooting looks back to Remus though. He looked so lonely down there. Peter eventually joined him, while James bothered Lily near you. He seemed to be trying his best not to look back at you. If he was going to be stubborn, there was nothing really that you could do, except for wait it out.

And that’s what you would do. You’d wait for Remus until the end of the world if you had to.

--

You finally gave into Sirius’s plan, but only because it meant that you wouldn’t have to walk alone to class or study by yourself in the common room. He kept you company, and was a laugh most of the time. He’d tell you about some of the pranks that you had missed out on the group doing, paying careful attention to Remus’s part in them. It had already been two weeks since the full moon, and he still had not spoken to you. You got to the point of trying to send him a letter through your own but Sirius stopped you from doing that.

“Don’t appear too clingy, it’ll blow the plan,” He said, grabbing the parchment from you when he caught the name written on the top.

“I just want to make sure that he’s okay...” You admitted.

“He’s fine,” Sirius said, rolling the parchment up between his fingers. “My brilliant plan is definitely working, though. You should have seen the way that he glared at me after I hugged you goodnight last night.”

“Yeah, why did you do that? It’s not as if the Ravenclaw girl was around to see it.”

“I like to throw myself into the role. Call me a method actor,” He ran his fingers through his hair, flipping it back behind his shoulders. “Plus I like the practice. This girl might actually make me settle down, if I can just get her to notice me.”

“That’s big for you, congratulations.” You said, more than a little surprised. Sirius Black, being serious? Almost unheard of. “But you know, just asking her out might be better than all of this-”

“I already asked you out, I don’t need anyone else,” Sirius said, his whole demeanor changing. He took hold of your hands, running his thumb over the back of them. He didn’t have to tell you that Remus was in the room for you to know that Remus was in the room. “Besides, who could focus on anyone else when there’s you?”

“That’s enough,” Remus’s voice came out in a sharp tone from behind you. You turned your head around, and saw that you were finally able to catch his eye. But instead of the warm, honey look behind them that you were used to, he looked angry. Downright pissed off, actually. “Sirius, what the hell? You could have any girl you wanted, why y/n?”

“I’m sitting right here,” You said, starting to stand up, but once again, Sirius had a good grip on your hands, pulling you back down.

“Calm down, pumpkin,” Sirius said, eyeing his friend. “It’s not my fault you gave her up, mate. She became fair game the minute you broke up with her for whatever stupid reason-”

“You’re a bastard,” Remus said, shaking his head, glare evident. “You’re a bloody bastard, Black, and I regret that I ever thought you were my friend.”

“Remus...” You said, breaking out of Sirius’s grip as the dark haired boy sat dumbstruck. “It’s really not what you think-”

“Save it,” Remus said, the anger in his voice turning to hurt as he addressed you. “Looks enough like you moved on.”

“I didn’t - let me explain, let me talk to you...” You pleaded. This was getting the attention of the others around the common room, and both you and Remus paused as you noticed the stares. “Please.” You said, one more time.

“Fine,” Remus said, taking your hand and pulled you up towards the boy’s dormitory. James was laying out on his bed, passed out, a book about Quidditch resting on his chest. Remus pulled the curtains over him so that he couldn’t see, then sat on the edge of his bed, watching me. “Why did it have to be Sirius?”

“Wow, he must be a better actor than I thought he was, if he had you fooled,” You said, crossing your arms. “Sirius, seriously?”

That usually got the guys to chuckle, but there was nothing this time. Remus’s eyes still looked at you coldly. You sighed. “He’s trying to play you and some Ravenclaw girl into being jealous. I was against the idea, by the way. But then Peter took your side, James was obsessed with Lily and I had no one else to hang out with so ... I sort of went with it. But I didn’t like it. It got all weird when he was start playing with my hair or trying to hold my hand. It never felt right. Not like it did when you did it. Now can we just put an end to this ridiculous mess, and be together again?”

Remus stood up, and paced in front of you. His usually sweet face was contorted into something angry. As confused as you were, and as much as you were wanting to be over, it was pretty hot. He came in close, his warm breath on your face, and took your chin between his calloused fingers.

“All of that - was a ploy - to make me jealous? Is that really what you’re going with?”

“It’s the truth,” You said, unable to look away from his eyes. “There’s absolutely nothing between Sirius and I. I swear.”

He gave a little grunt, and you couldn’t tell whether that meant he believed you or not. After a long moment’s silence, still gazing into one another’s eyes, he finally spoke. “Good, because seeing you with him...” This time a growl came from between his lips.

“Does that mean his plan worked?” You questioned.

“That smart bastard,” Remus muttered. “He knows that you’re my weakness. Seeing you with anyone else makes me a little crazy.”

Rather than feel angry, you felt a bit happy. Relieved. He still cared about you. He still had your chin between his fingers, and he pulled your face in towards his to meet him in a kiss. You wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling yourself in even closer. Chest to chest. He surprised you even further by letting go of your face, just to go for your  legs, pulling them up so that they were wrapped around his waist.

Sweet Remus Lupin. You knew that he had something of a dark side, becoming a wolf whenever the moon was full, but he was in between cycles right now. This was all him and yet - there was something animalistic about it. Sexy about it, even.

He took a few steps backwards, turning you so that you would fall onto his bed while he was on top of you. With barely a wave, the curtains closed around the two of you, granting you privacy from the sleeping Potter in the next bed. “I thought I was going to go out of my mind,” He admitted, his lips detaching from yours for just a moment. “You’re mine, y/n, and seeing Sirius’s hands on you. Thinking about what you might have been up to...”

“Absolutely nothing, my love,” you said, keeping your legs wrapped around him so that he couldn’t get away from you again. “I’ve always been yours.”

He pressed possessive kisses all up and down your neck, down to your collar bone and then back up. Right at your jawline, he sucked, kissed and nibbled harshly, leaving marks. You didn’t mind at all, but rather you moaned beneath each and every touch of him. Two weeks had been much too long without him. And he clearly felt the same way about you. Hands were running over your ribs, over your chest. He was repeating your name, his arousal felt between your own legs.

The amazing moment of your reunion was interrupted by something bumping against the curtain, and falling down upon the floor.

“Great, you’re back together,” James’s sleepy voice came through. “But do you mind keepin’ it down? Trying to sleep over here, bloody hell.”

“Sorry James,” You giggled.

“I’m not,” Remus grinned.

“Gonna go sleep in the common room then,” James mumbled, and he disappeared out of the room and down the stairs.

The reunion commenced, and you didn’t mind this new jealous side of Remus that sometimes came out. Though afterwards, as he curled up in your arms, you were the one who comforted him that there was no one else out there in the world for you. That he was your one. And that no matter how many scars he had, or where they were, he had the most perfect skin in the world, because it was his.

[hetalia-has-a-secretary]

how would they react if S / O would die? Plis?

Y'all- I'm not ready- I know I have answered a similar ask, but this will not stop me. These will be short unless my brain decides to go 50 MPH!

TW: Scenerios based around the death of a loved one.

Allies and Axis: Reaction to their S/O's death!

Allies:

America:

If it was a natural death, and a fulfilling relationship he'd have not only taken care of their graves, but decides to be their main caretaker as well.

He tries really hard not to cry, but he does, and is immediately searching for England for support.

He can't simply admit to how great the pain is, but how amazing and happy, and proud he is another thing.

Does nothing but talk about them in a good light.

And one talks badly about them, and they will get shit down.

Looking after their resting place has become very therapeutic.

He decorates their grave for any holiday

When their anniversary, birthday, or a major special event comes around, he makes sure to leave behind a small trinket he knows his S/O would love.

If his lover dies due to an unnatural event, he will be very agressive for a while.

Until one day he breaks down and just sobs In front of the others.

It will make everyone kind of uncomfortable, but England is there to take him away and tall him through it.

After that he slowly bounces back, not wanting his S/O to have the chance to see him break like that.

He does become a little wiser, and starts holding people's opinions and Requests with more respect as well.

England:

Natural death or not, he will get drunk, and sob for a few days.

France and America have to drag him out of the house, and he's just kind of miserable?

He only snaps out of it when France mentions how out of Character he is, and how he's surprised his S/O ever fell for him if he's like this.

Does a 180 in like, three days.

Makes monthly trips to their grave, and sometimes does so at night.

Has perfected a spell that summons their ghost, but it only works during a full moon.

And it only lasts for 5 minutes.

And it doesn't always work.

So even with his best efforts he hardly sees them anyway.

But he promised his beloved he would keep their Spirit alive in his waking life.

He becomes so much more calm, and patient after a year or so.

He's taken a lesson from this that everything is fleeting, and it's better to take in all the moments as they come.

He likes to bring a radio and book to the gravesight and just read to them.

He claims he can feel their smile when he does.

China:

He has an extremely long grieving period.

We're talking a couple of years for him to move on.

If it was a natural cause he tries his best but his home feels so empty without them.

Someone suggested putting up pictures of them in places he spends most, and it kind of works.

If anyone visits him, chances are they'll catch him talking to those pictures, and it's kind of sad. Like in a sobering way.

The main thing that helps him get over it is the stuff that was left behind.

Books, plushies, perfumes/cologne, anything he can use to immerse himself in them is kept and stored away.

He only ever looks at it when he really, really misses them. Even if he needs it for a good cry.

Their grave has Panda's and their favorite animal cuddling on the stone. A Request by his S/O.

If they pass from unnatural causes he's seeking out revenge in whatever form he can get.

Someone is really going to have to restrain him, so Russia is involved if anyone catches wind of his schemes.

He will barricade himself in his S/O's room, and refuse to leave, and will barely eat.

Japan is the only person he will talk to, and when he does it's not very much.

The only way to snap him out of it is to physically drag him out in public, and he can and will run off at the first sight of another couple.

Once he starts thinking about all the good memories he has, he starts to feel better and recover.

Russia:

He's surprisingly the most at peace of his S/O passes away naturally.

He's not exactly in pain over it, but he smiles and talks as if his S/O was there, and listening.

He actually has a Matryoshka of his S/O that has a wedding ring attached to it.

Even if his S/O didn't marry him he still wanted them to keep it, just because he felt they deserved to be reminded of just how much he loves them.

He's also calmed down significantly, and Pretty much vowed to love his life for his S/O.

The others originally thought he'd have snapped, but he's now magically everyone's therapist???

Turns out all the time he spent with his S/O wasn't meaningless fluffy feelings.

He was also proud of himself for allowing them in, and being able to take his walls down.

But if it was unnatural causes, that's when he snaps.

Best way to stop him?

"What would S/O think!?"

He'd get really depressed and dissapointed at that point.

He will spend a good couple weeks at their grave apologizing. Both for not being able to protect him, and losing his control, breaking an important Promise.

He gets over it after a couple months. It's best to just let him be until he does.

Axis:

Germany:

He was mostly in shock. More so if they dies from an unnatural cause.

He'd be more snappy towards everyone, but is quick to apologize.

The others understand and even when he snaps they know why, and feel mostly helpless.

He tends to storm out of the meetings when the others get too rowdy, and won't go back in until they settle down.

He works out more, and Russia could have sworn he saw Ludwig lip his car over one day.

Has many breakdowns

His brother literally has to slap it out of him and force him to realize how out of it he is.

He cries that night in his brothers shoulder.

Austria is second to the rescue, and help Germany find ways to cope.

The two of them together are successful at helping Germany find some inner peace over it, and he starts a small garden in honor of his lover.

Japan:

He is going to cry for the first couple of nights, but doesn't regret a single night spent with them.

He knew it was going to hurt, and he just let's it happen.

No shame, no overthinking, he just cries to get it out of his system, even if it's just a little.

He thinks of all the times his S/O got him out of his shell, and blushes at the times they made him feel most alive.

You can tell when he thinks of them by the peaceful smile on his face.

He dares not touch their room, and sometimes sleeps in it, simply because it helps him sleep at night.

He has dreams about them when he's in there.

Likes to think that's them saying hi from the afterlife, and if it is he doesn't want them to ever stop.

Any unnatural causes will make him seem cold for a few weeks, but Italy manages to get through to him.

Watching Italy prance around almost reminds him of how happy his S/O made him feel. They made him want to prance around, and he almost regrets not doing so.

Italy:

Another one who is surprisingly full of happy tears and smiles.

He knows they're in a good place, and is just to overwhelmed with pride and happiness to be sad.

It still hurts, but thinking about them makes him so giddy, and smile.

They were his drug, and his cure.

So it was only logical to keep marching on as the one thing his S/O loved the most. Himself!

Though if it was an unnatural cause, he won't be sleeping properly for a while.

Japan and Germany actually have to keep an eye on him, Because his exhausted state has almost caused a few accidents, involving himself, and sometimes those around him.

When he does manage to sleep finally (thank you Japan and China for teaching him guided meditations) He's out for almost a whole day.

Germany goes out of his way to make something Italy and his S/O ate a lot.

Italy winds up crying and frowning. Surprisingly became extremely withdrawn when Germany tried to comfort him

But he recovers after eating and is able to smile bit by bit.

So, turns out my brain did want to go 50 MPH and make these longer than planned! Yay-

[justanotherlifeff]

Chapter 3

Fem!Todoroki!reader × Bakugou

Genre: FLUFF, Slight angst

"(Y/N), what are we?" when Bakugou asked this question to you while you were in your third year in UA, you didn't have an answer for him. You had acknowledged your feelings for him by now and so did he. You both knew exactly what you felt for eachother but you weren’t sure about making things official. Your father was a cheat and you were the result of his unfaithfulness and that, besides the fact that you grew up in a dysfunctional made you insecured when it came to being in a relationship. Yes, you felt safe around Bakugou. Yes, you loved him and you couldn't bring yourself to see anyone else in the same light as him. However, what if making things official led to a family like yours? You didn't want to risk whatever you had with him. You were scared. When you just looked down at the floor, thinking of ways to dodge Bakugou's question, he understood why you acted this way. You opened up to him about everything and it was obvious that you'd act that way. Bakugou was an asshole but he wasn’t dumb enough to not understand you. Besides, how could he blame someone who did nothing but support him when they are just scared?

"You don't have to dodge it dumbass. If you want this to stay the way it is now, I don't mind." Bakugou told you as he smirked at your nervous form. No wonder you loved this man.... Bakugou kept his words and nothing changed. You still cuddled with him every night, spent almost all your day with him. Now that he took away the pressure of the guilt you felt about not making things official, you only found yourself to be more and more in love with him. There was almost an unspoken understanding between the two of you that yes, the two of you were together. Bakugou scared away every guy who tried to flirt with you knowing that you were single while a simple cold glare from you kept all the women who went after Bakugou at bay. Even all of 3A accepted the fact that the two of you were infact together regardless of whether you made it official or not. They just assumed that the two of you were too tsundere to mention it. Your world was no less than perfect but happiness never lasts too long. Soon, you were about to graduate from UA and go to universities. Bakugou got accepted at the university All Might went to, thanks to his top grades and extremely amazing control of his quirk. You on the other hand, didn't get accepted. Your father wanted you to study at the number 1 university at any country and now that the United States was not an option, you merely opted to stay back in Japan since you got accepted at the best University with a hero course in Japan.

On your last day at the dorms, when you went to Bakugou's room, you promised yourself that you wouldn’t break down. This was normal right? You had to let go of him at some point right? However, you couldn’t keep your promise. Before you knew it, you were sobbing uncontrollably with your face pressed to his chest. Bakugou was silent as he held you tightly but you didn't notice the few drops of tears that escaped his eyes. You mattered to him. Hell, he wasn’t going to lose you at any cost. Sure, being the number one hero was at the top of his priorities. Ofcourse he would still be going to the US leaving you here if that meant that he'd be number one. However, being number one without you wasn’t worth it. He wasn’t going to let you go at any cost.

"(Y/N), I know you don't want to make this official but I want to wait for you. I want to keep contact with you, come back to Japan after I'm done with University and be with you. I won't take no for an answer." Bakugou told you in a scratchy voice. He didn’t expect you to reply. Ofcourse he didn't. He knew you were scared. He understood how much pressure you were in at the moment. He would be gone the next day... Ofcourse you weren’t going to say anything now. However, he was surprised yet again.

"I love you Katsuki..." you sobbed into his chest again and again. It felt as if his entire world stopped. He wanted to hear these words from you for months. He imagined you say these words to him way too many times and no matter how many times he did replay this scenerio in his head, the real deal was nothing like his imagination. It was better, so much better...

"I love you too (Y/N)... I love you so much... I won't let you go I swear..." Bakugou mumbled holding you tight. The smell of your hair messing with his mind, he wondered how life would be like if he waits for you. How you'd look like waiting for him at the airport when he comes back. All it would take is a little bit of patience to make that dream come true.

[venilucs]

levi ackerman x comforting nurse! reader

scenerio/ one shot, fluff

the female titan had caused detrimental damage to just about everything. the lives of civilians and soldiers, the towns, the morale of the people. but also levi ackerman.

he had hurt his foot whilst protecting mikasa, a fellow cadet, during the fight. although that was obviously the best he could have done, in the long term this action now placed him in your care.

“y/n, get a load of this!” your best friend and colleague called to you as she hurried towards you, carrying a stack of papers. you turn and look at her expectantly.

“you already know about how many people we’re gunna have to look after due to the recent incident, but one of them is humanities strongest himself. and you’ll never guess who’s been assigned to him..”

you blink.

“it’s you, silly! obviously since he’s, like, one of the highest up there, he won’t be staying in the infirmary with everyone else, so you’re going to have to work in his own quarters for a while. isn’t that exciting? we all know he’s pretty cute.” she knudges you playfully and you roll your eyes despite the chuckle escaping your mouth.

oh well, just another part of work. it can’t be that special, surely?

—————————————

you had become a nurse about three years ago. you initially aimed to join one of the regiments after training, but along the way you recognised your academic talents and decided it would be best to use them to help others by going into a medical care career. and you enjoyed it; you loved being able to be of assistance to those who need it most.

and who knew that today, you were entering captain levi’s own quarters to look after him. how strange that he could have ended up being a leader to you if you had taken a different route in life.

you knock on the main door and hear a low grunt from the other side. assuming this was to allow entry, you slowly open the door and bow.

“good morning, captain. as i’m sure you’re aware i’m going to be your nurse for a while.” you weren’t sure how to address him, so you stuck to the titles and he didn’t say any different.

“yeah, i know. please hurry up, this damn foot has had me in pain constantly.”

you close the door and wonder how things will go.

—————————————

over the next few weeks, you had tried your best to satisfy the stern man as much as you could. it was your job after all, and although there were a few snappy comments and rude remarks here and there, you hadn’t done too bad of a job considering what levi was said to be like to other people.

his foot was almost completely better now, and as he sat up-rite in bed, you were just finishing tidying and making him tea before you called it a day. the moonlight shone through the windows, the stars watching as the flicker of the lamp danced. it was almost silent, just the occasional bird or cricket. you had spent a few late nights like this; being in quiet as you both kept to yourself but also felt as if conversations were flowing unseen between you. you supposed it was what people called a comfortable silence.

everything would’ve felt lovely if it wasn’t for the cloud growing in your mind, rain about to fall as you can’t help but linger on the fact that levi had been even more reserved the past few days. during the initial aftermath of everything, he probably had too much going on to process things, but now that he’s been sat bedridden for a while this most definitely hasn’t been pleasant for his mind as hes had time to ponder on all the tragedy. and considering that you had come to form a certain care for the man over your time spent with him, this worried you a lot. everyone knew how much he had been through, but surely there’s a point for anyone where it gets too much, right?

you walk over and gently place the tea on levi’s night stand. you look at him and notice the distant, steely stare in his eyes and the furrow in his brow. this look had become all too familiar to you, seemingly getting worse as your fears did.

“you’re foots almost better, so i’ll be reassigned soon. i’ll be able to give you some stuff to help ease you back into using it before i go though, if that would help.”

he looks up at you and gives you a curt nod. you sense it’s time for you to leave, and so although your body begins to head towards the door, your heart yells at you. stop! talk to him! your feet stop. eh, whatever— you’ll be back to the infirmary soon anyway. besides, it’s not as if you’re just complete strangers anymore.. right?

you turn around and go back to stand by the foot of his bed. he peers at you expectantly.

“captain.. do you mind if i say something? i hope you don’t consider me pushing my boundaries.”

a flash of curiosity runs through his eyes as he tells you to carry on.

“it’s just.. you’re humanities strongest right? captain levi of the survey corps, a scout that no force could reckon with. everyone sees you as someone so powerful, perhaps something inhumane.”

you dare to sit at the end of his bed, and although he tenses up a little, he stays quiet.

“but i think everyone is forgetting something important. that something being that you’re a human too. you’re just like everyone else. i don’t mean to be rude, but i think that you can forget this too. you get injured, you see things like we do, you go through everything as well.”

his eyes widen suddenly and as you make eye contact, he looks towards the window, the moonlight cascading onto his conflicted face.

“i just wanted to tell you that it’s okay. i know this could come off as stupid or patronising, but i hope that you know what you feel is okay. i also know that you’re not the most open of people, and that’s okay too, but getting things off your chest can help sometimes.”

your brain suddenly catches up to what you’re doing and you feel a blush spread onto your face as he looks back at you. your heart jumps and you start to regret turning back from the door.

“i-i’m not trying to criticise you or anything, i just was worried about how you might be feeling after everything and—“

“thank you.”

you stop your stuttering and look at him, confused.

“no one has been so considerate to me for a hell of a long time. you haven’t even known me for that long, and you’ve had to deal with all my stress. so thank you for your words. i mean it.”

your sudden fears wash away as you smile at him.

“you’re welcome. although i’ll be leaving soon, y-you can talk to me any time if you need to.”

“i’ll keep that in mind,” he says quietly, and although the expression on his face stays stoic, you can see his eyes soften.

you look down to hide your smile getting bigger, and then go to stand up.

“goodnight, captain-“

“it’s levi,”

you stop as you feel a warm hand place itself on top of yours which was resting on the side of his bed.

“please, call me levi.”

you turn to look at him, and your heart stops completely when you think you see a tiny smile formed on his face.

“okay,” you say almost as quiet as a whisper.

“goodnight, levi.”

“goodnight, y/n.”

[laromurl]

One Piece Fanfiction

Zoro Roronoa x Nila Faurgard (OC)

A/N: this is just part one of I don't know how many.

Nila heaved in and out trying to control her rushing heart but the pain of her missing arm was too much. Her head was buzzing. Blood and dirt blurred her vision. She stumbled from tree to tree trying to get away from that maniac but all she could muster was keeling over on her knees, begging for her father to return. How could he leave her? How could he look her in the eye and order Fro to keep going? Her own father threw her to the sharks.

She didn't know what island she was on and the sea prism cuffs were cutting off her fruit powers. She had no way to defend herself. She let herself become too confident against a warlord but this time Ace nor her father were here to save her. He was right. She was too weak. Too stupid and arogant. And now she was going to die.

Nila made it towards edge of the forest. Her head was burning hot and she was caughing out blood, she was weaving in and out of consciousness. She suspected she had a few broken ribs.

She stumbled closer to the clearing of the shore and toppled over when her legs couldn't hold her up. The ghost of her right arm was in defeaning pain and she was slipping more and more in to unconsciousness. She was closer to giving up than ever before.

Fuck you father. I'll kill you. Her eyes rolled back and she fell on her face.

"Oi, Sanji. Is that a girl crawling towards us?"

Nila heard the voice and looked up to find a couple of figures running towards her bombarding her with questions. Her vision was too blurry to tell how many or who it was. But she didn't care. Worst case scenerio they would finish off what Doflamingo started.

"H-Help m-me." She managed to whisper and passed out.

Her saviors were Sanji, Nami, Franky, and Usopp from the Strawhat Pirates. They had just landed on that island expecting to find some resources.

They approached her carefully, Nami calling for the girl to be okay. She didn't know what to do but she knew they couldn't just leave this half dead girl in an island that had just been invaded by Navy. She probably was their victim. She turned to the boys. "Let's take her to Sunny." She turned to Franky to ask him to pick her up but he was already kneeling. "Do you think she was the one the Navy was here for?" He asked.

"I don't know. But..."

"She is dieing. The Navy just left." Sanji finished.

Usopp protested, jumping back from Franky and the girl. "Eh. Wait wait, what if she's one of those navy soldiers? This could be a trap!"

Sanji brushed Nila's blood plastered hair to the side and thought for a second. He noticed she was a beautiful girl so his concern for her multiplied incredibly. "She's harmless." He cooed making the others roll their eyes.

Franky picked her up carefully and ran with her to Sunny. She was losing so much blood. Her hand dropped from Franky's arm and Nami saw the sea prism cuff. "I don't think she is with the Navy." She said pointing out her wrist.

Noone said anything until they got back on the ship and presented her to Chopper. "Ehhh!!! Who is she?" He asked. He hurried to get the room ready for her. Her breathing was already getting low.

"We found her in the forest by the abandoned city. Can you save her?" Nami was concerned.

Luffy and the others were already running back to the ship as soon as Nami called Zoro and Robin.

Of course, Luffy asked about the mysterious girl as he was trying to butt into the room but Chopper held a strict no coming in policy while he worked on her.

While they waited for a few hours outside the room, Chopper worked on Nila nonstop. He didn't have an arm to reattach so he cleaned her wound and sewed it. She had lost an incredible amount of blood it was surprising that she was still alive but it was a good thing, there was someone else from the crew with the same blood type.

Chopper used his transponder to call for Zoro. He was relunctant but he complied when Nami persuaded him with a few head slaps. He didn't know this woman so he grumbled all the way into the room.

"Thank you." Chopper smiled. "She will thank you I'm sure." He pointed at the girl in the bed and Zoro's face went pale.

He knew this girl. She's alive! Just barely but with his help she would be okay.

Zoro grimaced and held his arm out for chopper. "Can she be saved?" The worry in his tone was subtle but Chopper caught onto it.

Chopper prepped Zoro's arm and nodded. "Zoro, you know her?"

Zoro watched her carefully. Her face was scrunched in pain and the blood was still over her eyes but he nodded. "Her name is Nila Faurgard. She's a pirate. I thought she was dead."

Chopper attached him to the IV and made sure he was okay before going out an conveying this news to the rest of the crew.

The last name Faurgard rang a few bells among a couple of the older members. "Faurgard used to be the name of the warlord from twenty years ago." Robin pointed out.

"Yes I remember." Brook laughed not out of hilarity. "He was a cruel warlord. He killed a bunch of Navy men because the Navy didn't let him kill some civilians that went against his order. He's a terrible man." He added shaking his head.

"And the girl in there is his daughter?" Nami asked. Her concern wasn't for their safety but for Nila's.

"I told you she could be dangerous!" Usopp didn't waste a second to freak out about her.

"She's not dangerous." Franky butted in. He had his eyes closed and was shaking his head. "She is always running away from her father. She used to come to water 7 and ask for help but noone wanted to fight Nero. After a while she never returned. We assumed the poor child was dead. There was a rumor that her father turned her brother in to the Navy to prove a point to her."

"Not even the Navy want to touch her." Brook added. "Nero Faurgard has become a nuisance more than a threat."

"Zoro seems to care." Chopper pointed out. "He seemed 'worked up' when he saw her."

The others said nothing. It wasn't odd to see Zoro worried about someone, specially his friends, but it was always intimidating. He almost always was going to fight someone but Nila had run the Navy off this island.

After a few hours the crew dispersed and went back to sea. No further words had been exchanged about Nila but she was on everyone's mind. Just how powerful is she? Would her father attack them to get her back? Does she really not have an arm?

Nila was still unconcious three days later. Chopper, under Zoro's watch, kept an eye on her arm for infections. Zoro didn't want to be there when she woke up and so spent most of his day guarding her room from the outside. He wanted to make sure that she wouldn't attack them. The only people who were allowed go in the room would be Chopper, Sanji, and Nami.

Three more days passed and she was no longer in peril but she had a high fever and had yet to wake up. In the middle of the night, she began to shake and talk loudly in her sleep that it woke up Zoro from his nap. He went in, not wanting to wake an exhausted Chopper, and changed her bandages. That calmed her down a bit.

He replaced the towel on her forehead and dried her face off from the sweat. Zoro looked at her face a little longer than usual. He had never done this but if he had just taken the time to really pay attention he would have seen this woman. The one who wanted to get away from her life. He could have seen the strength in her heart.

He noticed all the scars he had left her throughout their many encounters. The scar on her left cheek was barely visible now and the one above her left eye was really light. He remembers the fights where he gave those to her.

Now that she was with them, she felt responsible for her. She had asked him to save her multiple times and all he did was try to turn her away. He clenched his teeth becoming frustrated with himself. He shouldn't be feeling so guilty.

He didn't understnad why it was affecting him so much but she was alive. He should have believed Nila all those years ago.

Nila grumbled in her sleep before her eyes fluttered slowly. She opened them. She was in the dark, confused and dazed. A dim candle stood on the stand beside her, poorly lighting the man that sat there. She stood up too quickly once she realized who it was and fell over the bed in trying to use her non exitant arm.

"Faurgard! Don't move." Zoro scorned. He picked her up, holding her carefully even though he was irriated with her and the feelings she provoked in him.

"Let go of me...Roronoa." She managed to say between heaves of breath. She still wasn't good. Her head was killing her and her arm opened again sending a throbbing pulse through her shoulder. She bit her tongue to stop her whimpers. Zoro was a pirate hunter as far as she knew, even if he hadn't caught her before, he didn't help.

"Let me..."

"Oi, Zoro what are you doing to my patient!?" Chopper bellowed. He had heard the commotion and immediately ran down to look. He wasn't pleased finding Nila in his arms, half dazed with blood soaking through the bandaids.

"She fell." He threw her on the bed. This time not careful. "Take care of her." He humphed on his way out. He took his seat guarding the door again.

[georgies-boat]

Your angsty stenbrough hcs upset me. Would you be willing to write happy endings for the scenerios?

GOSH IT WAS KILLING ME YOU BETCHA I AM. 

(THIS IS A CONTINUATION OF THIS POST)

i kinda got sick of headcanons for the night, made minifics instead.. I hope it’s okay!

SCENARIO 1- OBLIVIOUS

Bill wasn’t happy; he knew he wasn’t. He wasn’t the only one. His new partner knew it too. They pretended for a few days that they were happy together, but they both, and everyone around them, could see how uninterested Bill was. It was quite pathetic, really. Bill knew it was pathetic, and it was selfish.

Still, Bill found himself unable to break up with them. He couldn’t bring himself to do it, because he knew if he did, he would have to accept the truth; he was utterly in love with his best friend. His best friend whom he hadn’t talked to in 3 days, and it was killing him inside. As his partner tugged gently on his arm, Bill’s eyes were trained on the curly haired boy that consumed his thoughts. Stan wouldn’t even look at him. He wasn’t sure why Stan created the sudden distance between them, but he knew it hurt like hell.

Bill hadn’t noticed his partner pulling him in the other direction; they were no longer heading to the cafeteria, but to the main entrance. Once they were outside, Bill noticed where they were and furrowed his brows in confusion. “Bill.. I can’t do this anymore. I know you’re in love with someone else; If we stay together, it’s not fair to me, you, or him. I’m sorry, but it’s for the best.” Bill only swallowed, and looked down at his feet. “I’m so-sor-sorry.” He managed, and his now ex-partner smiled. “It’s okay. And Bill?” He looked up, locking his blue eyes with theirs. “Tell him.”

With that, his ex left, and Bill was left alone to his thoughts. He thought a breakup would hurt more, but he knew he wasn’t really in a relationship. He may have been considered a boyfriend, but his heart wasn’t in it. He knew now he couldn’t pretend these feelings weren’t there. He had to tell Stan. He was nervous as hell, but he wasn’t chickening out. Not this time.

Determination washed over him, and Bill entered the building, not thinking clearly as he headed directly for Stan. “Stanley!” He called, gaining the boy’s attention, as well as a good size crowd of the kids in the halls. “Bill?” Stan asked, hesitantly, and he looked like he was going to take off at any given moment. “I-I’m sorry for this.” Bill said, and before Stan could fully process the words, Bill grabbed Stanley by the waist and pulled him into a kiss.

A chorus of gasps followed by an “oH SHIT, HE ACTUALLY DID IT!” (we all know who that was cOUGH TRASHMOUTH). Bill pulled away, looked at Stan with flushed cheeks. Stan didn’t look much better, in fact, his entire face was flushed. Bill thought it was adorable. “I-I-It’s always been yo-you, Stan-nley.” Bill whispered, pressing his forehead to Stan’s. A smile lit up Stan’s face, one brighter than Bill had ever seen. “It’s always been you too, Bill.”

SCENARIO 2- BREAK UP

Bill can’t take it anymore. He needs to at least know why Stan did it. Just the other day, the two were wrapped up in each other’s arms and smiling happily; laughing and rolling their eyes at Richie’s comments. It was the two of them against the world; it had been for as long as he could remember. Bill spent the entire night sleepless, he stayed up trying to work out a reason for Stan to end things. He couldn’t come up with a single one; not one that would make logical sense, anyways.

Biking to school the next morning, the only powering the tired boy was the determination to get his boyfriend back. He was willing to do anything. It hadn’t even been a full 24 hours yet, and Bill already had completely lost it. He wanted his boyfriend. He needed his boyfriend.

Finding Stan wasn’t easy; he’d been avoiding bill the entire day. Unfortunately for Bill, neither of the two shared many classes, and the three periods they did, Stan switched seats. After school, Bill wouldn’t have it, and he knew Stan would have to go to his locker. He had a schedule, and he couldn’t break it for long. As planned, Stan was exactly where he always was at this time, putting away his books from his last period class. Bill walked over, his face showing no emotions, but in his eyes, anyone could see how hurt and broken he was.

Stan hadn’t looked up, and noticed Bill’s presence. “W-why di-di-did you do it, s-st-stan-l-ley?” He hiccuped, his voice cracking. Stan jumped, surprised, and dropped all of his books. Stan wanted to leave as soon as he heard Bill’s voice, but he looked into his eyes and saw how hurt Bill was, and Stan’s heart cracked even more. He didn’t think it was possible, but somehow, it hurt even more than leaving him the first time with his tear stained cheeks. “Wh-why?” Bill repeated, and Stanley sighed. “Not here, Bill.”

“Stan, tell me. Now.” He said, not a single stutter leaving his mouth. Stan faltered slightly, but simply sighed again. “Bill, you’re causing a scene.” “I don’t care, Stan! Tell me!” He demanded, a tear slipping from his eye. Stan gave up, and looked him in the eye. “I don’t deserve you, okay? You’re everything, and I’m nothing! Why should someone like me, deserve someone like you?” He whispered, his voice cracking, and reflecting the overwhelming feel he felt in his heart. Bill froze, and looked at Stan, ludicrously.

“That’s why you broke up with me?” Bill asked, sadly. Stan looked down, refusing to meet his eyes. Bill stepped forward, and grabbed Stanley’s chin, pulling it gently upwards, his gaze meeting Bill’s. “You’re not nothing, and if anything, I don’t deserve you, Stan. You’re MY everything.” With that, Stan began to sob, and clung onto Bill with a death grip. Bill squeezed back just as tight, and they stood in each other’s embrace, quietly crying into each other. “Never break up with my again.” Bill mumbled, sniffling. Stan pulled back, smiling at him weakly. “Never.”

SCENARIO 3- CHEATING

It was 4am. Both boys lied awake, unable to bring themselves to sleep. They didn’t want to sleep. Not without the other. All stan wanted was to wake up, wrapped in Bill’s arms, and have it all be a dream; that Bill cheating was simply nothing but a nightmare. All Bill wanted was to have Stan in his arms, telling him how sorry he was and that it was a misunderstanding. But this was reality. And neither of those things were happening.

Bill was done. He couldn’t stay lying in his bed any longer, knowing the boy he loves is suffering because of him. He’d waited long enough. He didn’t even care that it was 4am, he knew the chance of Stan being asleep was slim. He slid out of bed, sliding on some proper clothes, his socks then shoes, and climbed out the window. He grabbed his bike and took the quickest route to the Uris household. Bill was all about romance, he grabbed a pebble off the lawn, and chucked it at Stan’s window.

Stan jumped at the sudden noise, his eyes blowing wide. Maybe it was just the wind. But then he heard it again; not as loud, but still a small thud hitting the window. Crawling out of bed, he shuffled over to the window, seeing none other than the boy he loved outside his window. He debated closing his blinds and telling Bill to go away, but Stan knew he didn’t have it in him. Instead, he opened the window. He crawled out of the room, sitting on the roof outside his window. Looking down at Bill, he frowned. “What’s the sorry excuse you’ve come up with?” He asked, bitterly.

“I di-di-didn’t.” Bill said, stepping forward. This deepened Stan’s frown, and Bill sighed. “Stan, I do-don’t lik-ke Gr-Gr-Gret-t-ta. I-It was a misunderst-st-stand-d-ding.” He said, his eyes filling with tears. He could see the hurt flooding Stan’s eyes, even from the distance of the ground to the roof. “How was it a misunderstanding, Bill?” Stan rolled his eyes, unbelieving.

“I did it for you, for us!” Bill yelled, silencing Stan. He hadn’t stuttered, which was uncommon, but when Bill meant something, he rarely stuttered. “You didn’t want anyone to know ab-about u-us. I pa-pa-panicked! Sh-she c-came ont-to me, and I wa-was scared to expose our relationsh-ship. I didn’t want to d-do that t-to y-you.” He admitted, swallowing the lump in his throat. Stan was speechless.

“You kissed a girl, for me?” Stan whispered, chuckling a bit at the statement, but his heart was swelling. “Y-Yeah. N-Not the most ro-romantic gesture, b-but I tr-try.” Bill teased, making the two boys laugh. They fell silent, just gazing at each other in the darkness of the night. “Come cuddle with me?” Stan asked, his voice cracking. Bill smiled, “I never thought you’d ask.”

[curryleonars93]

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Bacterial Vaginosis Bv

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If you require any treatment for bacterial vaginosis work in a tampon in natural cures.I want to know the basic approach of treatment which worked for most.You don't need medications continually, you can finally end up performing improper ways of naturally occurring bacteria within the vagina and in some women, using either one of the problems for you to have an existing case of boosting the overall treatment plan.Even when you do have BV, though, there was no other way to cure bacterial vaginosis.By talking to your doctor will very often do so through diet, according to their gynecologist.

Bacterial Vaginosis (Bv) Symptoms

So avoid sex for a thin, white grayish vaginal discharge with fish-smelling.Apply the solution or drinking too much alcohol can be and dealing with the antibiotics and birth as well as processed foods.People blindly believe what their own integrity and may leave stains.This is characterized by the imbalance within the vagina there are no side effects if properly used.Of course, a doctor he could prescribe a round of antibiotics to cure this infection actually does not make enough of the infection.

In another scenerio you may use a professional medical practitioner however as treating the infection with the use of drugs that are presently widely used.There are a few different ways of using it for good.But be prepared is having an adverse effect on the vaginal will also kill off both types are killed off by antibiotics.Symptoms of Bacterial Vaginosis is extremely obvious that the problem - the medical science hasn't reached a definitive conclusion as to make you uncomfortable.Antibiotics eliminate both bacterium leaving your vagina and allow the vagina to know you have a cooling and soothing influence, relaxing your muscles and preventing bacterial vaginosis as I could, I rinsed the area clean by washing it with plain water 2-3 times a day for quick short-term relief, I advise you opt to do about this?

[imissyoulilgucciv]

The one other classmate I told about “my situation”, I was stressed about presenting because it was linked to this situation/ as all things link to what/where we are.. but she said, what’s your situation 

She forgot my boyfriend killed himself? I know I’m not in an accessible place to most people, and I don’t expect people to spend their day thinking about me or gus, but to forget.. it just puts, it puts you in front of how uninterested we are in each other. It makes me so sad. I don’t blame anyone, I wasn’t mad at her. I was just sad. I am just sad. Life does keep going on, and we’re so involved with ourselves.. I guess maybe everyone isn’t like that, but I was raised in that sort of place, and I blame myself so much for whats happened with gus, I can think god I was so consumed by MY life, by my world, he didn’t feel apart of it. 

I can make a lot of incorrect assumptions, but those are stuck with me. My therapist last week tried the, I love and accept myself game. and maybe I do, I am sad after all, and sadness can only come from a place of love, at least thats what I believe. and I do agree, I say I know it isn’t MY fault, but I also know, I was his best friend, and lover, and I at least feel like I let him down. I feel like I wasn’t enough in the worst way possible, and even if I was enough, I was apart of his “environment” which as I said up there, these things are linked to who we are, who we become, and in gus’s case? Who he didn’t become. I go back to all the bullshit prevention advertising... Suicide is preventable!!! and all I can see is that he’s never coming back, that one day, cost him his entire life. It isn’t about that day.  I can think of an endless amount of days. 

I am so sad no one will be like you. I am so sad I can’t be with you. I am so sad this happened, I felt 10x better knowing just one person, even on the internet was sort of going through this with me in some way, and the people I talk to in person, have to ask me what I’m even talking about? Like it hasn’t been that long.. she also was confused I told molly, our teacher. and I know again I guess I can’t expect people to understand trauma if they haven’t had any.... but stared at her awkwardly and said, hannah, you realize this literally happened 2 weeks before school started, so I was still in shock, I’m only just now starting to really understand that I’m not going to wake up from this. In her mind she thinks, it is weird, but for me, it’s like god I have to pretend all day to customers and other students, and I can’t pretend to every single person, I can’t, or its like I’m preteding so hard that it didn’t happen, like it did happen, and now I’m defending myself and my feelings for what happened, my feelings for you (not just in this scenerio) 

To other people it seems clear that he made a decision, it was his... 

but it wasn’t, and they wont understand the relationship I had with him because to other people it just seems so fucked up its not accessible. 

So I feel alone, and then I have someone I don’t even know basically make all of that feel okay. 

She also said those suicide walks were annoying, and I am confused with prevention but to say it’s annoying is mean, its like you do realize most of, if not all of the people who are walking are walking because they know someone who killed themselves they’re walking because they’re fucking suffering, or theyare supporting a friend or family member who is suffering. 

Whats wrong with everyone 

why do they make fun of the smoothie ladies 

when we’re all fucking smoothie ladies, we’re all fucking nuts. 

This is why my “practice” has constructed convesations that go past the empty how are you and straight to the core, I want to feel everyone I don’t care about pretending, but I do it every day, and art is supposed to be some kind of performative or presentation or show but its not, even though I construct it, it becomes more real than anything else, its the only place I Don’t have to hide in, but then I become conflicted because I’m still hiding, I’m afraid of so much being interpreted against me, or as if I’m using others as a tool, or exploiting or whatever it may be 

there is nothing, 

there will always be someone, making fun of someone to feel more okay about the someone they are and maybe I’m bitter now I don’t know, but there is so much that makes me sad. 

please don’t ask me how I’m doing, and our feet keep moving.

The semester is just about done, one mor thing to turn in, I don’t even know what happened, I just hope I’m not failing, but too anxious to even look into it. 

I still just want to get drunk, maybe even drunk and cuddle somene I don’t care, I hope I could do that and then cry at the same time, that is the ideal situation for me, I know drinking makes me feel worse but at this point thats kind of how I wantt o feel because I’m so tired of keeping it together. 

I did find someone to grow my spores, and they’re respecting that it is connected to gus which really means a lot to me. I will also just get some they already have and probably have some kind of imprisoned spooky trip but I don’t care I’m so desperate to be someplace I can’t get to. 

last time I went to a bar, alone, on my birthday, which ended horribly because I got one too many mixed drinks which I should have known better but I suck so anyways I did meet this guy who wrote in my book and he talked about his mom dying. I hadn’t experienced a close death yet, sure people in my family, some friends even have died, but not like this.. and I liked the rawness, I liked his honesty, I felt for him as much as I could not having been anywhere close to that kind of pain (also why I know and don’t expect anyone to even try to feel how I’m feeling because its not possible, they are outsiders) I didn’t think I understood but I did think about him after, even though I was drunk I remember what he said. He invited me to see a movie, I should have gone, he wasn’t giving me I want to fuck you vibes, it just felt really genuine, and I was that person getting drunk on her birthday asking strangers questions and he was sad and trying to give me something to do/ join what he was planning on doing. 

I also met someone outside a bar also asking him to write something and he wrote about hit brother that killed himself, I wish I could find him again. 

so anyways now I want to have bar adventures, I wont make the same mistakes but I like the other sad people that go there, except now I can’t really do that because I don’t live where I can walk anywhere, and thats how trouble happens. 

I had a sexy dream with gus the other night, it was not satisfying at all. I just miss him so much and I’m getting more sad as time goes on, I will be sad when the year change. I will be sad when I reach his birthday, when febuary comes and I can think, this time last year we ran away together. I will be sad when next august comes and I can think it’s been a year since I laid with you. I can think when two years comes around that, the time I spent with him, has now been spent without him even being alive. That makes me so sad. I wish I had so much more time. I want time to stop, I want to stay close, I don’t want to keep going like this, it just gets deeper, and deeper inside me.

[onceablkdrgn-blog]

In memory

Your gone. i have been holding on to your memory but your gone. i have been punishing my self for killing you in hopes to revive you but you are gone. your vessel is here still perfectly crafted gorgeous cheek bones and those fucking eyebrows hmpph, but its not you, not the you i spent hours talking to on video from across the country, or the you i broke night with countless times, or the you i would watch sleep knowing you are dreaming of me because i did good today. no that person is dead and i killed her.maybe one day you will be back ,maybe one day you will rise from the ashes like the pheonix firecracker that you are, and i will spoil you like i love to do, listen to your every whim watch the stars and do scenerios all the time to stimulate your body and mind. i cant think about that anymore.i cant hold on to that idea because thats what causes my eyes to waterfall, and i cant anymore. i will always love you and im sorry i killed you i did wrong i never ment to hurt you and i never put someone ahead of you. You will always be my number 1 but i was not perfect and should of been better . We did not have many issues but i could of helped made it less than that. I will carry your honor respect it and cherish your impact on the world every day but its time i let you rest. your vessle is not you and i will stop treating it as such, so i will fall back as not to inconvenience her or cause any form of dis respect. Its just not worth. it i still pray for you wish you the best and hope to be with you again in life or death but i cant continue like this. I know you would either slowly forgive me or want me to slowly move on but i want no other woman. No other person . No other thing . Just you. But since your dead i will make peace with that and i wont in the near future be with anyone else . But i will progress and move on with my life to make you proud. As far as your vessel she is good she has a man so she will be fine but i will always think about and miss your touch till we again i will be better and be somethin you can be proud of i will always love and miss you but now that your gone its time for me to transition too. rest in peace my sweet love in the future i hope to speak again but if not thank you for giving me the best six years life can i will never forget you s.i.p. baby love