#i still don't know how tumblr works so if u have to go thru all my yapping in these tags to repost i am so sorry </3

[tinartss]

on moving out

[stevebabey]

You don't have to answer this I'm just gonna bitch in your inbox about the x reader post you made because I felt this in my bones.

Like you really can't go in the tag for quality stuff lately. Everything is about sex. I'm not a prude. I read occasionally stuff, but omg, not everything has to be like this. Sometimes stories begin hopeful, but they end the same way. I'm just sick of it because it's all there is. And because it's so oversaturated, "normal" fics don't stand a chance because people don't click on that anymore. So yeah, as a creator, if I wanna get attention for my work, of course, I will produce stuff that people will read.

Also what you said about minors, how are they supposed to interact with fics if everything is porn.

In general, people are sooo fixated on "spicy" content. On tiktok, all people read is smut, or they can't handle other stuff. Literally, smut destroyed their brains. How is it any different than guys having a porn addiction?

Also, the tumblr tagging and searching functions are shit. I wanna find new fics from like 2020 or 2021 (before s4 bc I miss those vibes). When you go to the popular tag thing, the earliest you get is 2022. Like tumblr needs to fix that, so content from years ago can still be found. People also need to start tagging accordingly. It's such a pain.

Again sorry for the rant.

HOHOHOHOHO NO APOLOGIES NEEDED NONNIE i love having a bitch and being on my hater shit and i think more people than you might think agree with all of this + its a whole buncha opinions under the cut u have been warned

to some degree to decrease in quality fics will be due to the lull between seasons which always happens- some of the fantastic writers move onto other obsessions for the mean time and truly, i can't fault them for that.

but yet somehow i know it's more than just that - a smut piece will get more attention and notes regardless of the quality of the fic. it's so tough to complain about cos like sigh its all free writing produced by someone so to moan and bitch about stuff getting more attention than others is like. not very nice and being hypercritical but also

not everyone wants to read smut!! and its fuckin everywhere!! wouldn't it be darling if there could simply be a tag that was smut free but noooooo every post gets tagged with as many fuckin things as possible for 'reach' which is the stupidest fucking thing i've ever heard before

and ur absolutely right, because of it fics with no smut get drowned before they get a chance to get noticed. and sorry to say it, but its very rarely that i've read a fluff piece and been like ah, that seemed like it was just thrown together like no its always crafted to some degree- but i cannot say the same for smut in the least. again, often u can mentally sub in different characters and the fic still works which to me = bad writing (if its a steve fic i shouldn't be able to slot in eddie and have it work? ok cos then its not a STEVE fic its just a porn fantasy which is like fine but GOD this is a whole nother can of worms but if u just write smut and then cycle thru joe keery characters its like half a step from writing rpf cos its obvious u just think he's a hot guy and not so much into his characters 😭 maybe im being autistic levels of protective over my lil guy but i also think im right lmao)

and ough trying to write for an audience is so hard, its a vicious cycle of: wants to produce content ppl will read and interact with -> doesn't enjoy writing it as much -> writing isn't as good as u know it could be -> if it flops for whatever reason u feel like asshole. anon babey please dear god write the ideas you want to <3 i can promise you they will be 100x better than trying to cater to an invisible audience ! ppl follow you for your writing !!! and feel free to tag me!!!! i always want to read good steve x reader fics!!! (i just can't be assed hunting them down half the time)

the minors thing is just. god its - i remember hearing the phrase 'virgins write the best smut' and it was when i was 14 and now im like god don't say that they write like porn cos they have fuck all idea what they're talking about. i read so much fanfic when i was 12 years old and what u said is so true, it just used to sneak up in stories and ruin things. its the internet tho so its impossible to truly moderate

omg ur tiktok comment so fucking true babe. when smut is prioritized over plot, u can tell and so many of the booktok rec's they have are just that. there are ways to write smut and have it still be a story. there's also ways to write pwp and still craft it and yet, u dont see that often. also what happened to being excited when two bitches hold HANDS??? AND KISS FOR THE FIRST TIME?? it's appalling the way they thirst for that content but write their captions like "and they have s3x!!! and f@&k in the bathroom hehehe" like what. its such sanitized and shit content honestly

god ur so right i hadn't even thought about hunting down old fics - and it would make such a difference if you could do that because otherwise SO much weighs on when u post it and if it shows in tags and yada yada

this is so much omg u don't have to read all that but genuinely the reason i started writing more steddie and less x reader is the difference in reception and general support. i dont feel like i'm competing against my mutuals, but more like we're here to just hoot and hollar at each other and unless u have a tight knit group of friends on here, u don't get that on x reader fics ://

[leorawright]

oh my gosh how did i miss that u have overwatch matchups available???(it's a very easy answer. i am never on tumblr)

If you would be so kind as to do romantic one for me:

I am a genderfluid afab person and the only thing shorter than me is my patience. I am demisexual/demiromantic, poly, and like all genders.

I get angry really easily but hate showing it so i just end up going around in a bad mood acting like everything is ok

i have pretty bad anxiety and appreciate having someone confident enough around to help me with simple tasks(ex ordering food or speaking on the phone) but who won't make fun of me. I can also send myself into a spiral by thinking of things that stress me out. So someone who is a steady presence i always appreciate.

I enjoy all things creative. I mostly write and draw but am willing to try new things all the time.

I look at things in a very logical way. I don't like using my emotions to make decisions and i enjoy learning new things all the time. I am a naturally curious person who is always looking to expand my knowledge.

I have a mix of so many things wrong with my brain. ADHD, autism, anxiety, depression. I work really hard on them but sometimes i have days where i just struggle.

Mixed and can speak a lil bit of spanish. It isn't perfect but i can struggle my way thru most conversations.

I really like someone who is open with what i do wrong. Just tell me what i need to fix and don't make it into a whole thing. Open communication is very important to me. I don't want to feel like im walking on eggshells around them if they are too sensitive

I am a VERY determined person, once i set my mind on something i won't give up easily. I can almost be stubborn in my pursuit of goals.

I enjoy gaming, reading, watching anime/cartoons(i don't rlly like live action shows), drawing, and learning new things.

I LOVE cooking. Giving food to others and sharing a meal/snacks is a way of showing love to me. I honestly take it a bit like an insult if someone i care about isn't willing to give me a bite of food off their plate. I know it's silly so i never say anything about it or hold it against them. But to me sharing food and wanting others to experience the same good food as you is the same as saying "i love you" a million times.

I like toys and stuffed animals and cartoons and other stereotypically "childish" things. I'm not ashamed of it.. (well... usually...)

I love joking around and a good pun can get me wheezing from laughter.

I'm not much of a social person, and prefer to spend my time indoors and alone with only one or two other people. I enjoy parallel play and comfortable silences.

I hope this wasn't too much... i just can be really wordy and ramble a lot.. sorry!

I've picked out....

Zenyatta!

Definitely the calm presence you need and never ever considers making fun of you for your social anxiety.

He enjoys seeing the things you write and draw and offers genuine compliments about everything

He also encourages having direct conversations and if he ever needs to talk to you he'll get straight to the point

He thinks your determination is admirable. Just make sure you eat and drink and take breaks or else he'll get super concerned

He can't really eat any of the food you make but he wishes he could (if only to see you smile)

Expect to receive a couple stuffed animals that he saw and got because he thought of you

If you enjoy a bit of sarcastic or sassy humor then Zenyatta will definitely make you laugh (he still doesn't really understand normal jokes tho...)

Zenyatta also enjoys comfortable silence especially if he's meditating you're just doing your usual things

[saetoru]

TEE!!!! i am coming directly into your askbox to scream about the latest rb! gojo fic! aND LIKE!!! the knowledge that you had posted it literally got me outta bed this morning and i read it on my phone with one hand as i was getting ready and the fic!! it beat me up!!! cut me bit by bit until i was only a pile on the ground!! dadjo is terrible for forcing them (or at least trying) to break up!! preying on the class difference and reader's insecurity over it!! honestly, if anything he should be impressed because reader is a very smart cookie and a hard worker. iirc they were working two jobs at one point??? VERY IMPRESSIVE. dadjo can't even do one job right smh.

he was soaked to the bone. yes. good. nothing like a sopping wet man on your doorstep. LMAOOO but. augh. when reader mentioned how his dad was involved gojo got so mad that i thought he was actually going to storm off (and then come back again) but luckily he didn't.

when he was yelling and demanding to know why reader broke up with him, i kind of thought of that piece where he convinces them to stay until morning and they finally make it official— when he's demanding to know why reader won't consider a relationship and he's almost yelling and reader tells him not to yell at them… and then here, the narration mentions how he never yells and like, i don't know if that was intentional or not, but if it was… well, he's commited so much about the reader to memory that it would make sense he'd remember something like that.

and then there's this line: they’re bright and kind and deeper than the ocean. but unlike the ocean, they’re not scary to fall into, to lose yourself in no matter how far you are from shore. that one made me think of the sunglasses piece because the same comparison is made in the narration— how gojo's eyes are like the depths of the ocean, but in that fic/drabble, they're something scary. and like. it's a very cool writing thing and it makes me wanna scream LMAOOO.

ANYWAY I'M SO GLAD THEY DIDN'T STAY BROKEN UP FOR LONG AND THAT DADJO GETS HIS. reader definitely should have talked to gojo, but they can make it up to him by remaining by his side for the rest of their life hehe. dadjo should just accept reader because like, at this rate, some disowning is going to happen and the gojo family will have no heir (either satoru disowns the family or they disown him) but he'll be okay because he has his brains and reader (or the grandparents will get involved and give dadjo what he deserves!!!)

this is probably way longer than the 30 tags that stupid tumblr ate, but honestly speaking, i absolutely love the rich boy! gojo au so much. so so so so much and i'm so glad that you've been kind enough to share it with us all! (low key i want to know more about the pre-relationship times… but i want to know it ALLLLLL)

NIKU CRIES SOOOO HARD 🥹 i have to be so honest with you—i don’t even rmr the “don’t yell” part in the old fic ndkajdjd BUT the metaphors ab his eyes was revisited yes !! i think ur making me look like a more purposeful and skilled writer than i actually am fjsjfjf i wish i was that good at tying old things in. that would be the dream.

BUT HIS DAD WAS SO RUDE. it’s the way i wrote him and he still hurt my feelings 😭 he should respect reader bc they FOR REAL are hustling out here in this rough economy LMAO. but honestly reader is like. my new crush LMAO idk if i wanna be them or be w them

but gojo being a wet little soggy mess made me envision him as like. a soaked catjo hehe i love catjo he’s my fav ever i wanna buy a plushie of him but they’re like 40 dollars 😭😭😭 and i’m too cheap to spend 40 on a plushie LMAO

omg but also. i feel like writing an angry gojo was new for once u know ?? bc he’s always been soooo patient w reader and always let them doubt him and their relationship and was so precious and sweet ab reassuring them that sometimes i rly sit there and think like. damn this boy rly been thru it 😭 he was head over heels from the start and he rly had to fight his way into their life SOBS so i was like for once we’re gonna get a not perfectly sweet and patient gojo. tonight he’s gonna be an angry and emotional wreck SOBS. it was fun tho writing him that was. it was cathartic in a way.

but reader should have sooo talked to him sobsob. i think honestly that gojo wouldn’t have really been kicked from the company / inheritance bc then who would get it you know ?? i think dadjo was more trying to prey on readers innocence / insecurities and make them feel like they were powerless and had no choice but to do what he says and hope he’d get away w it EXCEPT SATORU IS ONE DETERMINED BOY LMAOOOO so he definitely underestimated his own sons stubbornness fjsmfjsj

i’m glad they got back together tho. i say that like i didn’t plan for them to from the start 💀 but to be so honest with u at one point i was kinda stuck on how i’d make them meet and talk and how the whole resolution would even happen. i think it was a bit rushed but i was tired and i was like eh. ppl will get the idea. BUT IM GLAD THEYRE TOGETHER BC I WOULD DIE IF THEY WERENT

and poor suguru 😔 my man ain’t do nothing justice for him he got that insta remove 😔 i forgot to make reader follow him back LOLLLL

BUT I ADORE U SM NIKU UR COMMENTS AND TAGS ON RB! GOJO ARE HALF OF WHY WRITING IT IS SO FUN IN THE FIRST PLACE i am so beyond grateful for u reading it and supporting it especially bc that one gojo fic u write is genuinely one of my fav gojo works ever. i admire ur writing sm it means sooooo much that someone so talented reads and interacts w my works like this 🥹 hugs u sooo tightly 🥹

[nerice]

ask meme: even numbers >:3

CATCHING UP ON ASK GAMES on this fine 1:18 am >:3

2, if you gave an in depth description of your story to someone who was not all the way paying attention, what would their takeaway be?

the takeaway is that i'd stop talking the second it seems sb is not paying attention lmao but i guess the cliffnotes is [standing in front of conspiracy board] hot evil girls (unkillable) also moons something is up with them moons

4, what would you say is the message, if there is one.

alright finally deigning this with a serious answer. there is no big msg no grand takeaway, just the mess of the struggle & trying to make it thru when life is cruel and unjust and sometimes there's light at the end of the tunnel and other times the despair wins. sometimes the despair is chosen and it's a self-righteous thing and at the end of the day it's about knowing what's best for yourself and the life you want to live, despite (all the despites) and sometimes it is about the catharsis of giving up when it's all too much ;-;

6, speaking of tv adaptations, why would yours get cancelled? (other than capitalism)

ive seen the twinks people wanna cast for holland shadesofmagic i am not letting irl casting be done so this never gets made because animation is too expensive (shoutout to hair, my ocs have a lot of it) w otherwise for all the same reasons down in #18

8, what inspired your world building, if anything?

moon emphasis is definitely a sailor moon worm + a lot of contamination from waverunners [german pirate series] eldritch ocean mare tenebrosum merged with some old recurring fever dream imagery for the invisible moon. also EXTREMELY early kyoani/key shows (air+kanon) for sponsoring how my visual imagination works & the tragedy/wings/dream thematics <3

10, if your story is titled, why did you choose that title?

ok fun anecdote time again in lieu of going thru all 2389 stories individually so. shadow revenge is the book i started out with and always had that title, and when conceptualizing the other two books for the trilogy i wanted to keep a similar naming scheme (starting with s + double noun) so originally they were

schattenrache (shadow revenge)

seelentraum (soul delusion, to grade 8 me, but lit. 'soul dream')

sanduhrmelodie (sandglass melody)

the last one is esp fun bc i was just groping in the dark for a title to fit the scheme & only from there worked out it was abt linn's melody nd all that biz lmao but u can see the influence that later made soul plot big before i switched to 'dream game' for the middle one bc i always LOATHED 'soul delusion' as a title f. (the german one fucks quite well tbh) so much of my finickiness is needing to make things work in 2 languages OTL

12, okay be honest. pick a favorite oc from this ocverse.

there is no competition like, at all. 🐇

14, whats your favorite part of this story/project?

interconnected story hell !!!!!!! i don't think i'll ever write anything else i'll never have a story that does not plug into the larger verse somehow (valiant attempts by my short story profs but vertebrae inventory / touching fire / let sleeping gods die all got folded back into side content ww) nothing gets my brain going like the layers upon layers of history and thrulines and transposing it into different settings or formats. i will never get tired of it. i was put on this earth to do exactly this and i hope i will get to do it for a long time still <(/)3

16, imagine the entire story takes place but in the meantime the characters all also have tumblr. what kind of (terrible) tumblr posts would happen?

answered! but as a bonus i am entirely sure that eliada would get the most mileage out of that setup until he gets doxxed by alissa. send tweet

18, what aspect of the story would get you #canceled on twitter?

glorifying self harm and suicide, teenagers fucking raw onscreen, every #linneacore moment. also cancelling myself over the existence of amasa i deserve it what the fuck

20, your ocverse just got a movie trilogy a la hunger games style. how have they horribly mangled your message/theme so that the movies are now a showcase of what the original was condemning?

OH FOR SURE none of the ugly parts or disk horse worthy content (see above) stay intact, sj is a romance now, gr*y actually dies and probably feels a little bad about what he has done, every suicide gets some noble circumstances attached to it esp faye who gets shafted into the typical time traveling savior role instead of coldhearted pragmatism for her own end. i am mad just thinking abt it thanks <3

22, you have been given unlimited funds to make two adaptations of some sort, however you cannot make any other adaptations of any other sort. which two formats do you choose?

(i am not handing any point of production over to anyone else but i am using the unlimited funds to devote myself to realizing these full-time) comics and animation! i am not interested in anything else

24, best scene you've written?

my writing is no doubt at its best when i'm writing soulless torture / rabbit hell but that is. premium tier locked patreon content; as far as fav scenes go my top three are probably

qs life pledges [THEY WIN !]

the original black swan masked ball piece. changed the course of history & my entire writing career

jumie/sky conversation after [redacted]s death. we cannot elaborate it's too much for my heart, agh!

[lies down both metaphorically and irl] goodnight thanks for playing!!

[1eos]

hope this is ok 2 send but i really resonated w the anon you got earlier who talked about being mixed with racist white relatives like!!! i'm the same way i don't talk to a single person from my dad's side of the family bc of the way that having close relationships with some of them fucked me up so much in the past. tbh i know it's personal projection but i don't trust white ppl who get into relationships w people of color with plans to have kids because i don't personally know a single white person ready to do the work of unlearning their own racist biases + raising their biracial children with the full love/care/support/understanding/protection that they deserve + prepared to hold their relatives accountable for their racism and stand up for their kids. i have experienced and heard from friends too many horror stories and like u said facing that racism from your own family really does a number on ur psyche. anyways hope u have a good night <3

i typed out this long ass answer to this but stupid ass tumblr deleted it so here we go part 2. firstable i am so sorry you went through that anon 😔😔😔😔😔 thank god you can be separated from that part of the family. it’s a shame that so many people have to go thru that!!!! and i’m the same way tbh like i can’t help but to side eye white ppl that exclusively wanna date and have kids with people of color. like ik you should say it’s partially confirmation bias bc mixed kids with parents that actually have that racial awareness aren’t out here like ‘look at me i don’t have any racism based trauma from people in my family’. BUT at the same time i hear so many stories and anecdotes from mixed kids (or kids of color adopted by white parents) about how their parents did absolutely NO work on unlearning implicit racial biases. 

a lot of these white ppl are dregging up that stupid ass ‘colorblind’ shit but it’s like? that works for YOU it won’t work for your CHILD who is literally a person of color and unless they are crazy white passing and hide their parent of color they will never have the privilege of going thru life colorblind. like? it feels like not enough ppl are sitting themselves down and truly learning the reality of racism. are you willing to listen to the concerns and advice of your inlaws when it comes to race or are you gonna take it as a slight to your parenting skills? are you willing to go non contact with your racist family members? are you ready to pick up on the signs of your child facing possible racism in schools? bc it will fucking happen?

there are soooooo many things to consider when having a child of color bc we DO live in a racist society nd you do your child an absolute disservice when you don’t prepare them for the realities of that. or even worse brush them off when they try to talk about any feelings of race they feel!!!!!!! growing up is hard enough as is without having to navigate race politics on your own!!!!!

and one last thing when i was in college there was this asian girl that was very vocal about how she was adopted by white parents and i will never forget someone (a nonblack) brought up n word discourse nd this girl was like ‘idk why i can’t say it’. and when someone asked how she would react if someone called her an anti-asian slur she said she wouldn’t care and while i don’t know this girl i couldn’t help but to think that her ignorant behavior that whole convo was so reminiscent of that bullshit ‘i don’t see color we’re all human’ shit white ppl perpetrate while still benefitting from the racial hierarchy. and not only did that girl almost get her ass beat trying to be colorblind idk it just feels sad that your cracker parents have essentially divorced you from not only your culture but any kind of possible solidarity with virtually any person of color bc your white parents are in la la land 

[kpdeek]

Episode 7 Thoughts & Reactions

Okay, I'm typing this out on my phone so let's see how much my thumbs can handle. I just needed to get everything on my mind OFF my mind and into words, so if you actually read thru this entire mess, goddamn you're patient 🤣🤣 (also, I've never had a Tumblr in my life. Don't really know how to use it, but I needed SOMEWHERE to post this beast, & hopefully have a convo with someone).

First off, I'm gonna start with the KP scenes. I think this episode woukd have worked well without the side story, which just speaks to how well written this show is (tho I am BEYOND grateful we got that story. It was a much needed reprieve from drama and pining). First hospital scene, Kinn asking Porsche for a hug: we're seeing him allow himself to be vulnerable for the first time ever. If him kissing Porsche in EP 4 was a Crack in his armor, there's a whole ass crevice in it now. Then, Porsche & Kinn pushing each other's buttons when Kinn asks if Porsche enjoyed the beer Vegas gave. Porsche realized Kinns jealousy streak, & boy did he exploit it. At times it was cute, & other times I might have been worried for Porsches life (right before that steamy ending lolz).

Then my FAV scene on the balcony @ the minor family house. Did yall see how Porsche was seeking out encouragement from Kinn? UGH. & for a second I thought Kinn was really going to be an asshole & just let the night end by hanging up on P, but NO!!! my man's escaped the hospital to give Porsche his lucky gun. I can see that Kinn--despite his suspicious nature & being burned by a past lover--is really trying here. He meant it when he said he doesn't want to be like his old self, but old selves are hard to grow from & cast out when they're so ingrained into every aspect of our lives (& encouraged by all aspects of our lives, except for the ONE aspect u want to change your old self FOR). The dirty talk is dirty talk, & I won't dwell on it much, but in the middle of the conversation, how u can see Kinns face shift 180 degrees from playful and flirty (and horny) to utterly concerned, maybe even afraid? ughhhh Mile did so well. You can tell Kinn is effing SCARED of his feelings, scared of Porsche (or at least of giving Porsche the power to hurt him like Tawan did. I still don't think we've gotten a semblance of the truth about that particular relationship, but until ep. 8 I guess...).

& then the bathroom scene. Ah, Vegas, Vegas, Vegas. Idk who u think u are, but clearly you've tried this shit with Kinn once. Did you really think you'd have your way again? Now, I know he was thinking Porsche is drunk, but I don't think Porsche really was. I mean, up at the party Vegas was coming on pretty strong, & Porsche looked wary of him then, shifting to look behind him, acting kinda distant, maybe uncomfortable. But then if he's faking bring drunk, it makes me wonder what his motive was. Because even with Vegas taking his shirt off & coming onto him & stuff, there was a moment where Porsche looked sober as hell, with the way he was uncomfortable, & then proceeded to push Vegas off him. Maybe he's getting suspicious of Vegas being the mole because Vegas is just acting shady enough? Knowing Porsches dream, always showing up when it's oh-so convenient to lend a hand or a shoulder. Yeah, I think I'll stick to that theory until I'm proven wrong. Plus, Kinns outraged "DO YOU SEE THE RING ON MY FINGER?" in other words, "There's only room for one alpha male in this house, & that's ME!" So sexy. So, so sexy.

Now, unto Vegas. Oof, that man is the definition of psychopath. Bible freaking shined this episode. The dead look in his eyes when he was torturing, the pleased smirk when he consistently came out on top, the gun exchange bt. him & Porsche (so freaking hot btw). & then the purely rageful way his gun shook when he wanted so badly to shoot Kinn, the petulant way he knocked Kinns hand down and stormed out. We're really seeing a guy who's always been "second" to his cousin & who so badly just wants all the goods for himself. The lover, the praise, the power, the attention. I feel bad for him in a way, having to fight for a position Kinn isn't so keen on anyway, always coming up second best because Kinn is the family's golden child, the heir. I get why he is the way he is, what with the unhealthy competition there, coupled with the violent life he's been raised in.

Now, our third couple: KimChay. Ahh, Kim, no matter how hard you look, you're not gonna catch any dirt on our inmocent little Chay. In some ways this budding relationship kind of weirds me out--kim is a man, Chay is more like a child. Not talking about the real life age difference, we have to look past that when it comes to the reality of the show. But I mean in their characterization & personalities, in their maturity. I see Kim slowly but surely falling for Chay, who is possibly the most innocent person Kim has ever come across in his existence.

I've said this before somewhere else, but despite Kim coming off as the shady character he has been, i think he's right for questioning his father's motives in wanting to hire Porsche so badly: we should be asking ourselves that question as well. With time, I think we'll see what Korn's motivations are, but I'll leave that for another time. At this point they're giving us heavy one liners from Korn that hint at things, but nothing too solid enough to grasp. I have theories, but again, I'll save those for another episode.

Anyway, Kim. I see him falling for Chay the more he learns Chay is not a threat, but I have a feeling by the time Kim confronts his feelings for him Chay will have found out that this entire relationship began because he was simply a pawn in Kim's agenda. What that agenda is, I'll say here: I think Kim, suspicious of his fsthers insistence in hiring Porsche--who does not fit the bill for the fams usual expectations of their bodyguards--is digging into Porsche to understand why Korn rooted for this man so hard. Why is Porsche being treated differently by their mafia leader father? Though Kim is painted as the shady one, I think he's just trying to protect his family, or at least look out for them from the distance he's put between him and them. He loves them, just doesn't want to be a part of their world. I'm gonna say something that kinda sounds like reaching considering we don't know much about Kim just yet, but I feel like Kim will be the surprise hero at the end of the series. If not hero, then at least the bearer of answers for some questions we still have.

I feel like I'm not saying everything I want to say, but all this to say (hehe) that these actors are doing a freaking phenomenal job at their roles. Keep in mind I've never read the books, I don't know what changes have been made in the plot, tho I've seen a lot of people say we're separated from the book now. So looking at the show as what it is, it's amazing. The emotion, the rawness, the realism, the comedy, the humanity, the moral ambiguity, all of it. So well done, written, & performed.

This thing is getting super long, but I'll end with what I hope to see in EP8: the infamous pool scene (only because Mile hinted it'll appear in either 8 or 9), Porsche being the jealous one for once thanks to Tawan's rise from the dead. I hope they don't bother us with Tawan too much; he's already causing enough trouble for our main couple without having appeared on screen once, & we already know how Kinn feels about him. But I hope to see Porsche return the same kind of need for Kinn as Kinn needs for him. I definitely don't want to see Kinn questioning his feelings for Porsche or using Tawan as a way to hurt him. I believe in Kinn & have faith that whatever Tawan wants, Kinn has been hurt enough by him in the past not to fall for any trickery, but then again we don't necessary know on what terms he & Tawan broke up (tho a small part of me thinks it's the same kind of situation as Kinn telling the world Porsche died so he can go back to his normal life). Sigh. This plot point kind of worries be, but I have more faith in the writers than I do Kinn (lollll), so I know whatever we get is going to be good.

Alright. That's pretty much all I have to say. Again, if you read thru all this, kudos👏🏼 I'd love to have lengthy convos with yall about everything since I can't really talk about the show with anyone in my life, but for now at least I have the space to write it out. Until next time, cheers!

[sungbeam]

don't worry beam i had to SCROLL scroll just to get to our last convo LMAO 😭😭

i'm so glad u loved bpwf b/c it was also one of my faves of phase 4 too❗️ i feel u honestly i also resonated w/ the themes of grief (if u need anything... i'm here!) 🫂🫂 the action was amazing, the many different tributes to chadwick made me shed tears, & namor was an incredible antagonist w/ a really cool introduction imo!! so excited to see more of him in the mcu 🫡 next up, quantumania!

& i should really get into the dc animated shows b/c the scenes i've & the way they draw the characters... they look absolutely immaculate 😩 why do i i always go for the 2d, fictional, or generally unobtainable men WHYYYY?!?!?!

(ps... any way that u write this batfam au is still gonna be ABSOLUTE GOLD b/c well it's u!!! in beam we trust to write the most amazing show stopping superhero aus 🙌)

- the one & only xnonie

LOL ITS OKAY CUZ ME TOO 😭😭😭 searching tumblr tags just never work for some reason 💀

ahhh yes i loved it very much and it makes me feel fuzzy to know u also resonate w the grief themes :') know that if u need someone to talk to or anything at all, i'm here for u as well <3 i actually recommended it to my irl bsf bc she and i have both gone thru a lot of the same things so i knew that it would resonate w her as well >< anyways yes ! i thought namor was a great villain :0 i really like marvel villains and how their purpose/motives r very,,, human? like there's a reason why they're the way they r

NEXT UP QUANTUMANIAAAA !!! I WATCHED THE LATEST TRAILER RELEASE AND GADAMN???? it's so cool i have so much respect for the antman universe and character like someone give PAUL RUDD AN OSCAR RN

AHAHHAHAHA it's okay literally ME w 2d and 3d and ,, 4d men,,,,,,,,, just men ._. but yes !! if u ever have the time, i think the movie series surrounds the justice league and i think they're pretty well done! i also loved young justice skcnkenf can't remember if we talked abt that lmaooo

(AHHH OMG STOP SKFBDJND ur feeding my ego stop 😔😔 i really should get those superhero aus out pronto! i only have the xmen angel hannie au up rn i think 🤡 will get on that at some point istg)

[goyangii]

going thru ur tags gives me a headache u reblog literally anything with buzzwords and a flashy headline but don't apply any critical thinking skills or consider that ur views might be flawed... ur literally in an echo chamber and it's sad as fuck to see. women are victims of misogyny but trans people are not the problem

thanks bb it means a lot you'd read my blog <3 fr though i usually browse tumblr during breaks on mobile so yeah i'm not running a resource or research-based blog by any means. most of social media is buzzwords and flashy headlines and memes anyways and this is a personal blog, not some debate blog.

i've been in the trans community for years and years from 2012 on and while i can agree radblr (and any online community tbqh) has its own echo chamber-y qualities trans spaces are even worse about it. at least on radblr you can have a dissenting opinion and ppl will disagree albeit loudly but i've gotten banned/blocked/cancelled for posting even vaguely dissenting opinions (such as "lesbians don't need to include bepenised people in their dating/sex lives") in trans spaces when i was ftm so. pot meet kettle ig?

it's not as if i woke up one days and was like "today i feel like hating tranners :3"?? it took almost a decade of experiencing misogyny, racism, and homophobia from a community of mostly white heterosexual people to realize something wasn't right and to start thinking critically about the idea that someone can be born in the wrong body. i know and have parroted all the popular trans activist ideas, it's not that i don't know them front to back by this point. i was on hrt, i met with psychs, i was diagnosed with GID and by all means was a ~textbook~ trans case. i was planning on getting top surgery and changing my name/markers legally when i started questioning stuff, and believe me more than fucking anyone i wanted transition to be the answer to my dysphoria. but larping as a man didn't make me one no matter how much i wished, how well i passed, how validated i felt by my friends/peers/partners. i still have a lot of empathy for ftms and if transition wasn't a flawed premise foundationally i would support it if only bc i know so little helps with dysphoria. but it literally doesn't and won't ever cure it and even "fully" transitioned people i know/knew had dysphoria, worried about passing, etc. and were behind their backs misgendered, treated as their birth sex, etc. it took me breaking out of trans spaces and talking to normies (i don't even mean radfems or ~transphobes~, i mean literally just normal people in class or at work) to realize this.

also individual trans people are imo not the main problem but are perpetuating what is, which is an ideology that hurts women and lgb people. any ideology that says that sexuality is determined by gender (a socially constructed identity based on stereotypes) and erodes sex-based rights (such as the right to a female doctor, shelter, exam by police officer, etc.) is imo harmful whether or not trans ppl individually are "problematic". idk if you think i go out every day kicking trans ppl and bemoaning their existence but ultimately i'm only ever rly gonna feel particularly negatively towards a specific trans person if they're actively shit, as in they're a racist/homophobe/pedo/sex pest/etc. and frankly a pretty disturbing amount meet at least one of that criteria if not multiple, even if i'm only considering trans people i know personally.

[by-kilian]

(if this ask makes u uncomfortable in any way, feel free to ignore it, delete it, whatever u need to do. ur happiness matters more to me than anything else. however, i am specifically sending this not on anon, despite my incessant urge to do so as i barely ever send off anon, to give u the chance to reply to this privately if u want to. but that is if u want to! i don’t need, or want, anything from u. ur comfort outweighs any sort of recognition or interaction. i am also extremely unsure if this is gonna send properly bc i am on the tumblr app n the character limit seems to be nonexistent now? when did this happen HAHA…)

i went looking for u (scrolled thru the keyword of ur old user on tumblr, found an older ask that includes it) bc That App is talking abt That Story again. it always troubled me how things went down - i’ve experienced writers taking down their works before but never like that. orphaning works, sure. deleting ao3s, yep. but NEVER thru what u went thru. i don’t even generally go here (here being x readers), but That Story got pushed my way when the whole situation was in its hayday n i never properly paid attention to things until i caught wind of what u had to do. i had no idea it was that bad until maybe a week after the situation had been over n done with by ur actions. n i don’t blame u in the slighest. fandom culture is both extremely fun n extremely damaging - the fact u got the shortest end of the stick that i’ve ever seen is truly smth awful.

all of that aside, i am so extremely overjoyed to see ur still writing. truth be told, i hadn’t known of u before That Story, since again, my aversion to x readers. but ur writing is clearly smth special - n maybe this is extremely crude to say, i’m extremely sorry if it is - considering the way ppl acted over it. above it all, i am just happy to see that ur ok. everything is fine, as much as it can be. that fact alone leaves me content. i am SO glad u were able to push past it.

tldr, since i know this is a lot. i am so happy to see ur still kicking it, despite it all. content creation in any form is deeply personal if u put ur heart into it, n it seems like u do. i am so sorry for the way ppl treated u over That Story. i am doubly sorry if this made u feel upset in any way, shape, or form. that was not my intent, feel free to do whatever it is u need to do with this silly ask if this is the case. n maybe this is corny, but i hope more things fall in ur favor, instead of otherwise. have a nice day!

This is actually a really kind and considerate ask. I'll answer it under a cut since my response is pretty long though!

Firstly, I just want to say thank you for being thoughtful enough to consider my feelings in all of this. It's really kind of you and I'm not saying that just to say it. ❤️

Secondly, yeah. It all was a bit of a hell fire. While I wish it never happened, it obviously did but I'm happier now than I was then. Even before ThatStory blew up, my old writing blog was getting out of control and people were feeling super entitled to me, my works, what I did, and who/what I wrote about so in a way, I'm not surprised it headed that way although I never expected it to go THAT way lol. And yes, it was pretty bad but luckily it is done and over with. Fandom culture can be super fun and that's initially what it was for me--just fun before it unfortunately tipped over to the other extreme side of fandom which is toxic. It is what it is.

But to touch on your main point, thank you and it's not crude at all. I don't see your comment that way. In a way, I've come to think of it as much as well (that it must have resonated with people in some weird way) but not just with that particular story but other stories, too so it is really sweet that someone who doesn't read these kinds of stories thinks that of them as well. It also means a lot to me that someone cared enough to think about how I was doing after all this because that really hasn't been the case apart from loyal readers. Most ppl never think about me in this situation 😂 which is probably why what happened, happened. So thank you for the kind words. I'm fine. Like I said, happier now than I was in my previous blog. I've come to think that it's all meant to be. I get a lot more freedom here, I have the sweetest, most loyal readers, and no one feels entitled to my works, my time, or what I do.

Also you didn't upset me at all. While it's admittedly irritating to see people still talking about that shit a literal year and three months or so later, that has nothing to do with you so no worries. I appreciate you taking the time out of your day to check up on me, and thank you for being so kind. Content creation is super personal and I do put my heart into it, so it means a lot to me that you see that 🥺! Truly.

I'm touched that there are still kind, good, decent people out there because for you to take the time to look for me and send me something lovely truly means a lot, especially considering you weren't necessarily a reader of mine--just clearly a kind, thoughtful human being. I can't express how much I appreciate it. Honestly. Thank you so so much for the lovely sentiments, and I hope all is well for you in the future as well. ❤️❤️❤️

[boysandgirlsandbabes]

i for one would Love to hear the premise of the fic And i just so happen to have a ridiculous amount of knowledge about soviet hockey history,, 🦔

(also i think we might be mutuals on twt, i’m @/fedoroved 🚶‍♂️)

omg hi!!! this is very exciting i love finding twt mutuals' tumblrs lmao it feels very freeing to be like oh thank god we can talk somewhere that i don't have 2 censor myself bc real human beings live on twitter lol

anyways. the tl;dr of the igor cursebreaking fic is: sometimes u, tumblr user kane boysandgirlsandbabes, are watching the 2021 men’s wjc and are like suddenly OVERCOME with emotion abt how igor larionov lived thru years of institutional abuse under the red army system and not only managed to leave/pave the way for other players to leave, but came back as a coach to ensure that young players coming up through the system wouldn’t be treated the way he was treated. and then u start thinking too hard abt generational curses and breaking cycles of abuse and then ur like what if a retelling of all of this. but as a magical realism au

(not tl;dr under the cut for length)

BASICALLY. it is a magical realism au where magic (curses, spells, hexes, etc.) is a common part of people's daily lives. ur everyday small magic is like: blinding someone with light for a second or two, keeping cut flowers alive for longer than they should be able to last, turning someone into a frog for a few minutes, etc. u know. the usual. both the ability to do this magic and the ability to reverse it is innate (it can be strengthened through training but u can't just give someone the ability to do it) and also like. relatively common. 

there's also like. older, deeper magic - like the sort of thing u think about when u think about like, traditional fairy tale curses or things like that. like: ur firstborn son will never find love, ur family will be tied to this town for generations and no one will ever leave, the youngest daughter in ur family will be prone to madness, etc. i think this kind of magic is less believed in/more people are skeptical that it actually exists (in like a, okay yes, maybe all of the men in ur family die young, but is that bc there's a generational curse on u, or is that bc they all work manufacturing jobs where labor protection laws are nonexistent - u get the point. there could be other systemic explanations. is it magic or is it just everyday institutional corruption and meaningless banal tragedy etc etc). and unlike small magic, the ability to break curses is not common (if it even exists at all). there are stories about cursebreakers, but like. fairytales. people might be like "oh my great great great grandmother was a cursebreaker" but it's not like small magic where ur mom like. puts a spell on ur bed every night before u go to bed so that u don't get bedbugs.

in terms of hockey: i think small magic plays the same kind of role that fighting/physicality does in the real world in that it's technically against the rules but like. everyone does it. and the strategy around when to use magic, who to draft onto ur team so u can use it (or defend against it) effectively, etc. plays a large role in how the game is played. i think there are also whispers about older magic (for instance - that there's a literal magical barrier keeping soviet players inside the ussr system, and that if they leave they'll lose their goalscoring touch or whatever) but everyone just kind of sees those as like...well curses aren't real. and again: even if they were, how would u fight them? bc all of the curses are tied to like...the political landscape of playing hockey in the ussr in the 80s and all of these enormous systemic and institutional forces that are too big for any one person to do anything about. so like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ maybe they are cursed, maybe they aren’t. either way: what is anyone gonna do about it?

OKAY. SO. with all that background. in this au igor larionov is still a hockey player (like in real life). he cannot do any small magic bc he just wasn't born with that ability. he even moreso cannot do any cursebreaking (Or So He Thinks) because like. cursebreaking is not A Thing lol. but even with no magical abilities he makes it onto the red army team bc he is just That Good. he finds the green unit. they win everything there is to win. he starts to chafe under the weight of the red army system. he starts to reach out to non-ussr players. he makes friends. he sneaks into wayne gretzky’s basement to drink secret beers. he writes and speaks out about how the way the ussr hockey system treats them is wrong. gets in trouble for speaking out. keeps speaking out anyways. sticks out his neck to stand up for his teammates, who stick their necks out to stand up for him, as well. his little webs of friendship and camaraderie and care and protest against injustice start to put little cracks in whatever is holding them there, until the crack in the soviet hockey system is big enough for himself to get out, and for his teammates to follow after him.

he ends up in a city and a team cursed by ghosts of their own, and helps lead them to two consecutive stanley cups.

(goes back to russia, long after everything else is over, and coaches the team that he first played on as a 16 year old. stands in the spot where tikhonov once screamed at him and tells his players that he's proud of them.)

[sk-lumen]

Need serious advice about setting boundaries or communicating when dealing with a person who:

Is a parent

Has unhealthy communication methods -- it takes very little for them to start full-blown screaming, shouting out all your 'negative' things/mistakes/past, can continue to scream-criticise you even after you've gone silent, for WHOLE MINUTES even if you've shut up, will not accept anything that even hints at them making a mistake

You can't trust since childhood coz u made the mistake of confiding in them with a serious issue as a young teen --- mental related --- and they belittled and invalidated you, and since then pretended you never confided in them and have NO IDEA how you've been coping without them or ANYone else for years... Yeah thanks, parent, what u said back then made me think I was the one at fault and so I stopped trusting even friends coz yeah, when ur own parent doesn't give a damn, why would anyone else?

Is a master at silent treatments without explaining what EXACTLY they're punishing you for, then when theyre in the mood, will start talking to you as if they hadn't ignored you for days. Lol I'd rather be water boarded I think. Especially for all the damage this caused when I was a child

Won't openly talk about what they want, yet expects ALL FHE TIME others (in the family) to know what they want, then will complain/scream/angry for AGES about how no one cares, no one gives a damn... And when someone asks them what they want, they either say: nothing, or "you should know! Can't u see?"

Upon asking them to please talk normally, will blow a fuse, and lose it --- happened multiple times today

Literally will use me as a scape goat to unleash their frustrations upon. Even when I leave the room, I can hear them b*tch about how much of a failure I am etc. The trigger being anything that bothers them, from a phone call to something other siblings did, bla bla. I limit my time with them... But it's like, it feels impossible to have them treat me normally, without ridiculing or criticising me. I'm already a very low self esteem person... This doesn't help AT ALL

In short, refuse to tell/ask/discuss important stuff, and getting mad randomly that no one read their mind, bcoz everyone's 'old enough to have enough sense' to know what they 'should' do... Eg will not pikc up the phone when we call them from the store to ask when what the needed isn't available, so what other alternative can we get... And then when we get home, will instead blame us for being fussy and not getting the alternative, completelt skirting around the issue they didn't deign to pick up the phone... I mean, I don't get it. In the past I HAVE in fact asked them to just openly tell me what they want/expect from me to make them happy... Got passive aggressive answers like "don't you know? Are you dumb?" Bla bla

Passive aggressive to the max when they've lost it

Expect me to drop anything I'm doing and immediately cater to them, and expect me to help them in their hobbies (while simultaneously, as I learned many years ago to much heartache, not being interested or even pretending to be interested in my hobbies. The disinterest taught me very quickly how much what I wanted meant, leading to years of self-invalidation. Luckily I've learned it really is them, not me. My hobbies are valid)

Will not talk about why they're feeling angry, what causes it. Instead will blame me, who's like the golden scapegoat in our amazing family, by saying :YOU made me negative. They've said it many times now... It hurts a lot, when I'm also struggling with my own issues which I ofc can't confide in them about :)

Today I manned up -- the outburst of hatred happened again! Over a simple thing. It was NIGHTMARE and made me angry/sad/frustrated/triggered---, and so I told them to stop talking like that... Boy was that the wrong thing to say... I don't think I can accurately tell u what happened afterwards...

Usually children learn communication skills from the parents... I at least learned to recognize the unhealthy ones, and what NOT to communicate like lol. Like, other parent is even worse, believe it or not. But that's another complex situation

I'm not bashing on the parent. Lord knows I even have that much of a right huh? I hate myself eveb more when they invalidate me if I try to show how MUCH THEY HURT me after a 'communication session'. As in, heaven forbid me if I BE SILENT afterwards and DON'T wanna listen to their retardation. Nope. Even then they provoke me, rage at me, you know how sometimes enraged people hiss vitriol thru gritted teeth? Yeah, that's what they did today after I stayed silent and tried to ignore them an hour later after the 'session' when they wabted something. It's like they don't even need me to say a word and will carry on and on for minutes 🤢

I feel alone, helpless and at a loss what to do

I want to move out. Due to severe mental issues I can't even move out rn coz it scares me even more. But this has to stop. Things are only okay if I'm absolutely passive, say yes to whatever they want, kill my wants and needs, and become a perfect robot bred to cater to them (parent)

I hope you can help me out, dear

Hi darling,

It sounds like you’re in a considerably toxic environment. I'm sorry you're going through this. Know that this is not normal, nor is it how a parent/child relationship should be. In case there's any doubt, let me start by saying you deserve to be supported, respected, listened to, to have your needs met. You deserve to live in an environment that offers you all of these things.

With that being said, from the many scenarios you’ve mentioned you’ve already tried reasoning and setting boundaries, to no avail. There is only so much you can do on your own, if the other person in the equation is not meeting halfway or at all. After all, a healthy conversation involves two people, not just one.

Here's my advice, in this order:

Calmly and maturely asking the respective parent to have a serious discussion with you and to listen to what you have to say. Share how their actions and behaviour is making you feel, let them know you care, and make sure to mention several solutions for the issue as well. If this doesn’t work…

Bring up the subject of needing help from outside, such as the assistance of a specialist/therapist. Family counselling can shed a lot of light on toxic behaviours that are ingrained from childhood (both in their case and yours), on fears your parent may have, stress from their work, whatever is causing their outbursts and anger - because there is always a reason. Behind anger is sadness, and behind sadness is some need not being met, or an underlying fear, trauma, etc. This is not a justification for their behaviour, they are responsible for it; this is simply the fact of how energy dynamics work. People bottle up their frustrations, fears, etc, and let them out on those closest to them, to whom they feel superior. It’s not fair, and it’s not healthy, but it is frequently how this pattern works. If this solution doesn’t work either…

Then unfortunately, all you can do is focus on yourself. If they refuse to meet you anywhere along the road, you have to pack up your things and go your own way. Literally or metaphorically. They may be your parent and you may love them even in spite of their behaviour, but you cannot hold yourself responsible for anything they say or do; that is on them. In those cases, you have to prioritize your own mental health and wellbeing, and focus on moving out. If your (home) environment is toxic, you have to focus on first changing it. That’s vital. Only afterwards can you start healing, refinding yourself, reclaiming your self-esteem and confidence, your sense of worth. As long as you stay stuck in a toxic environment, you cannot really heal; if there is abuse of any kind (physical, mental, emotional), the causes are still there, leading to re-traumatizing.

If for whatever reason moving out is not (yet) an option, I would emphasize seeking some sort of counselling for yourself, if nothing else. You need an anchor, some sort of support that will help you along your path until you do get out.

Now, I don’t know how old you are. I am going to assume you are over 18 and of age, so only mind my advice if that is the case. (As disclaimer, I don't provide advice to minors as it's not the scope of my blog nor am I specialized/focused on that area.)

I understand moving out seems scary because it is unknown, but with that line of thought you may wait another 10 years in the same situation. Wouldn’t you wake up 10 years later already having done the hard work on moving out, finding your independence, claiming your sense of individuality and moving on from this sort of environment, this phase in your life?

Sooner is better than later, but do so with mindfulness and care over your mental health, of course. I know it’s scary. But being an adult requires some difficult decisions at times, and setting boundaries begins with choosing your wellbeing and doing what needs to be done, even if it is something uncomfortable short-term, but highly rewarding and beneficial long-term.

Hope this helps... and wishing you much luck, clarity, gentle guidance and comfort.✨

PS: Lately I've been receiving longer and longer letters in my inbox. As solution, I was thinking of having longer asks/letters redirected to my blog where there isn't any length limit, and readers can more comfortably browse both my tumblr and blog - and those requesting advice can share and receive a more in-depth response.

-Lumen

[whatifyoulivelikethat]

about me

from anon on 20210701

hii , i just came across ur blog not too long ago maybe like a couple months back. i actually sent an ask a while back talking bout how ur yoongi cat fic gmfu (in all the good ways). and i actually get on this app and check ur acc everyday just to see if u have updated it bc damn 🥵. getting off track sorry i’m down real bad. anyways.

since i kept revisiting your account, i noticed you have lots of anons and you have so many different convos! i read their posts like all ur advice ones wether it be emotional, situational, or sexual (which btw u sound hot af for that and it kills me but good) or just thirsting over these hot ass men in a kpop band, and everything else in between all that.

but what stuck out to me most, you seem to have a good head on your shoulders and are straight up but considerate and just know what’s up. and that’s just made me curious about you, idk what you go by wether it is your name or a pen name, your age, your zodiac (if ur into that), idk if ur in college or anything i’m just curious.

ur the first blogger/writer that sticks out to me (i’ve been on tumblr since i was like maybe 11 btw so that’s a first) and u seem cool af and someone i would get along w well so yup . don’t know if you like messaging/writing w mutuals, and i’m kinda too shy to send u a direct message so.

-sincerely, a 20 year old college girl with no life living vicariously and maladaptive daydreaming thru ur stories. (and ur wet dream inducing writing lol).

I have never stated my name or pen name and I probably will never reveal it. XD Reason one, privacy. Reason two, I don't do this for recognition of any kind. Firstly, it's all BTS porn, I'm not getting on the New York Times Best Sellers list for how eloquently I write about sucking Min Yoongi's dick (smh). Secondly, I'm not someone who wants to see numbers attached to my name (likes, followers, etc). I want to remain internally motivated and this is how I accomplish that for me.

Reason three.

It's fun. ;)

Watching you all struggle, not knowing what to call me. I enjoy it. Maybe it's the dom in me. Probably. Whoops.

My blog name comes from the English lyric translation of Agust D's 'People'. I like being known by that. It's my favorite song Yoongi's ever made, it describes me perfectly, and it's a fun play on words since these are all stories of different lives scenarios and I'm imploring you to become immersed in them.

My age? I'm around BTS's age, older than JK.

My zodiac? Hm, maybe one day you'll earn my Sun sign. I feel if you all knew my Sun sign, you'd be like OH MY GOD THAT MAKES SO MUCH SENSE hahaha, I'm very much a personification of my Sun sign. My Moon (tendency of emotions) is in Gemini. My Venus (sex, love, relationships) is also Gemini. I don't believe the stars dictate me as a person, but they describe me very well. Pair those two with my Sun sign and it becomes clear why the smut is always intense but emotional, spicy but sweet.

A lot of contradiction, no? My MBTI is INTJ. XD

The MBTI can change, as your personality changes as you grow, however, I have been an INTJ since I first discovered the test in high school and took it as part of my psychology class. I've retaken it over the years and the test itself has become more accurate. I learned of innate biases and cultural tendencies (Western vs Eastern) of taking such personality tests and took all that into account as I've retaken it. Still an INTJ. Welp.

I graduated university already. I work full-time to support my BTS addiction (oop).

My direct messages are open. :)

[disappointmentprofile]

Why don't you and your recent ex try to just be friends or on decent term....... your soul glows when you try to work things out and I want 2 see you be some1 good. Talkin' abt your recent cuz you both good but just too young

Honestly it's just such a huge misconception people had about our relationship bc all the good things were out there. But bc I dont speak up on a lotta things nobody really knows about the amount of disrespect and humiliation that that one person put me thru

I mean imagine dating someone that's telling people out there that you're this horrible human being and all the while you're sleeping next to him thinking everythings perfect. No, nobody does that. Maybe its the fact we were "young". Even in my most heated moments and all the let downs I went through I did NOT say a single bad thing about him to anyone.

Nobody knows the amount of nights I stayed up crying in his face, nobody knows about the threats I received, as if I was the one to leave him? Nobody knows about how he insults me in front of others, nobody knows how horrible my anxiety was in a way he does and yet he did everything to make it worse. Nobody knows the amounts of things I excused but couldn't get the same in the return.

All of this hurts not bc he did this to me but bc I wouldn't have ever in my ENTIRE life take this disrespect from anyone but yet I let him. That's what I've not gotten over to this very day. I'm not saying I was a saint I made mistakes too but the only difference was that I learned.

And we tried a whole year after our relationship to be good friends and keep everything aside. It didn't work it was the same hellhole the same trash talking and just overall complete negative environment from which I've developed the worst anger issues. It was still me letting him control me ..always going through my phone with or without my knowledge, always telling me how horrible all the guys I talk to are and whereas I wasn't even allowed to know his phones passcode. I found out certain things tho but I couldn't tell anyone and had to keep it to myself and that was just me being in denial.

We tried a lot to be friends but all he did was continuously apologise and go ahead and the do exact same things he promised he wouldn't and he lies constantly ...its like he looks at me thinks wow shes so stupid I can keep going on this way. He intentionally does everything to hurt me and his excuse being "anger". We had the same fights over and over and OVER to point it got mentally and physically EXHAUSTING. And to this very day I can guarantee u he definitely speaks a whole lotta crap about me.

Our relationship ended horribly and so did our friendship all for the same reasons tho. It didn't matter. Cause change cannot be all on one person. I'm not saying all these are the only reasons there's a lot that contributed to this too my college life put me in a horrible place and his insecurities took over him.

I'm only ranting SO MUCH bc I'm honestly fucking tired of hearing this, yes he was a HUGE part of my life and IVE PRAYED COUNTLESS TIMES THAT THINGS WERE BETTER BETWEEN US...but it isn't and I dont know if itll ever be. I've lost all my trust bc for the past three years it was lies, lies and MORE lies. And tumblr is just this completely emotional and personal place (safe place)for me that I feel okay w saying this and bc I cannot feel this okay-ness of saying all this anywhere else.

Theres wayyyy more to this than anybody can ever imagine and I wouldn't wish this upon anyone. Theres my story and also his. This wont be his truth but it is mine.

One day I hope I'll be able to put all of this behind. I want too but the damage is far more than done.

(Also I hate that I said sm, sorry bye 😂)

[superdraconic]

hello there! i've been reading thru the mcgenji fic you've reblogged and it's pretty a+ stuff, you have great taste! do you have a list of favorite fics for the pairing? (and i don't know if you read it much, but maybe any mcreyes too?) thank u for your great tumblr!

aww thank you! i’m glad i could promote those fic authors. they deserve it. if u can, leave a comment on their fic.

mcgenguuuus

suzukiblu / @suzukiblu ; their daemon fic in particular is TASTY. (although if youve been thru my tag, you’ve prolly devoured their work already…)

the cowboy who loved me - downamongthedeadmen ; the retribution fic. The Retribution Fic. please, i am so weak, this is so good, i am crying also.

Dispense with Right and Wrong - BrushDog ; incomplete and possibly abandoned, this one is more of a dense fic about mccree settling into overwatch… but also, may i draw attention to the Traitor Mccree AU tag. the character relationships had me legit crying if i remember, god it’s been so long since i read this. but it IS technically mcgenji, even tho genji doesn’t appear for like 10 chapters or something. shoutout to brushdog, you make words good…

love like yours - tanyart ; i can rec tanyart in general, but i think their trademark fic is selfcest or at least, some kind of LITERAL confrontation between past and present or present and future selves, which is a wildly satisfying concept when applied liberally to ow character, such as genji who evolves so much throughout the known timeline. also, mccree is there.

Via Purifico - @madamerioulette ; i stan mcwooffer. plenty of fascinating mythical beasts and lore mixed in with the general intrigue of talon vs overwatch, but also how it bled over to affect the shimada clan.

mcreyes

thereweregiants ; all of their stuff hits me right in the honey nut feelios. they’re very conscious of gabe allowing himself to be romanced after jesse’s grown into his role as his second in command, and every single fic taps into tastiest worldbuilding details. their lastest is a miss congeniality au where mcree has to go undercover at a beauty pageant??? uhm hell yes.

Dust Into Diamonds - whiskeyandguns ; look. i’m gonna put in a horny fic. this author has two mcreyes fic that i have bookmarked. they’re both great. this one, i think, is my favorite of the two. don’t talk to me.

Resist series - eastwood ; its an abo series, but like. gabe’s the omega and he still commands respect. the more i explain the more i explain the more embarrassed i am typing this, but GOD? this is still going on the rec list.

LOOK! thereweregiants has less horny fics. plenty of them, i’ll rec them again.

[satansfemme]

hey! I have a question as I'm still trying to navigate my way thru paganism n where I wanna take my beliefs: does luciferianism have anything to do w abrahamic religions (like is ur lucifer the same as theirs)? and if He is, how do u connect tht w ur hellenistic beliefs? I'm rlly interested in lilith and hecate but they're both from v different traditions/teachings n I don't know what to think of it

(I’m posting this publicly because it’s something I’ve actually meant to write up on for a while, but please lmk if you want me to take it down and I can just dm you about it!)

tbh, this is one of those things I struggle with myself at times. I’m a pretty hard polytheist and a bit of a pantheist, aka, I don’t really think that there’s just one single true religion. I think that it’s fully possible for the Hellenic, Kemetic, Norse, etc pantheons to all exist seperately at the same time, so when I decided to acknowledge my connection to Lucifer it wasn’t a stretch to say that the Abrahamic god could also exist. Which, yes, I do see the Lucifer (and by extension, Satan) I work with as being from Abrahamic, specifically Christian, mythology and tradition.

Fun fact, Lucifer actually came to me before Aphrodite, but at the time it was much easier for me to accept Aphrodite’s call than his. Lucifer is… I’m not sure demanding is the right word, since I have the right to say no at all times, but he asks for the best and nothing less.

The issue there comes in with interpretation and all that. I was raised evangelical Protestant and I don’t have the most positive view of Christianity, tho I do my best to be respectful and I’m still trying to exercise that at all times. But really, what I’ve come to for me personally is this: if I don’t think that the Hellenic myths are fully representative of the Theoi and that they often show human bias, there’s no reason that biblical Christian myth has to be fully true. I don’t think the Christian god is the true god, and tbh I go towards a slightly gnostic view of Christianity (so, the universe itself is the entity called god, tho I say Chaos bc Hellenic, but there are a variety of deities who have tried to claim the title of god).

Plenty of Hellenics work with Norse or Kemetic deities, so I see me working with Lucifer and sometimes entities associated with him no differently. Also, while it’s def more common on tumblr to see recon and revivalists, it’s possible to just be a pagan who works with an Hellenic goddess but has no connection to Hellensimos.

Lilith is a complicated figure that scholars have a lot of trouble pinning down the origins of, but I don’t see why a similar view couldn’t be used for her.

It’s also worth noting that theistic Luciferianism and/or Satanism doesn’t require one works with Abrahamic figures. While I don’t really see a point in divorcing Lucifer and Satan themselves from Abrahamic myths, Lucifer merely means ‘lightbringer’ while Satan means ‘adversary’. In my personal opinion, out of all the Theoi, Hekate fits ‘lightbringer’ quite well. She’s a kthonic goddess, associated with all realms, a titaness feared even by Zeus, and the one who taught Medea witchcraft. She’s not light in the sense of the Ouranic Theoi, but she is a light within the dark.

But really, at the end of the day, Luciferianism and Satanism are pretty solitary practices. While I think there’s a lot to be gained from us all talking and sharing experiences, we rarely agree on things and oftentimes our beliefs can be wildly different. The so called left hand path is one that oftentimes ends up being created by the individual out of their own necessity.

TLDR bc this got long: I’ve always been a pantheist and hard polytheist so starting to work with Lucifer wasn’t a huge deal, it was more trying to figure out how to work with Abrahamic mythology without making capital G God the ultimate god, Hellenismos doesn’t prevent you from working with other deities, you don’t have to be an actual Hellenic to work with the Theoi anyway, and Luciferianism/Satanism doesn’t have any specific rules anyway

I hope this helps, and if you have any questions about Hellenismos/the Theoi or Luciferianism/Satanism I’m always down to chat! I’m pretty passionate about both lmao