#i still dont know why there is a frogs button but the fact that it is permanently there is also annoying

[keylimepie]

Why the fuck is tumblr advertising Y2k? Can I go a day on this hellsite without some distracting garbage littering my dash? Has staff ever heard of being moderate?

[quidfree]

prompts,.,, fem tdbk and a date gone very wrong ? ❤️

ohhhh my god anon. pump this shit directly into my veins i love this whole premise let’s go. also all inspired by whatever the fuck horikoshi was doing in this 

just so everyone is on the same page here, it is not a fucking date.

it’s lunch. a singular lunch. people do that shit all the time. even katsuki does lunch, sometimes. she went to that semi-shitty diner place with kirishima that one time when the food hall was shut because some dumbass first year exploded into goo or whatever. and todoroki does lunch, too- her and deku were on some shitty lunch date like a week ago, as evidenced by deku’s even shittier selfie of them having a grand old time doing whatever the fuck they do alone.

fuck, not a shitty lunch date. a shitty lunch. whatever.

the point is lunch is a normal non-date thing people do, and the fact katsuki and todoroki are maybe not the usual suspects for it is just circumstantial. it’s not like they planned it ahead of time, or made some big thing about it. they literally arranged for it in public, so obviously todoroki didn’t think there was anything weird about it. and there isn’t! they’re both going to be in tokyo on the same day, and todoroki’s always happy for any excuse to spend less time with her old man, and katsuki sure as fuck wouldn’t turn down an opportunity to avoid her hag of a birth-giver for a few blissful hours, so when todoroki had very nonchalantly gone ‘oh, bakugou, we could do lunch then”, it wasn’t like she had any real reason to tell her to go fuck herself. like, yeah, maybe a year ago, on principle, she would have, but even katsuki can only take so much trauma-bonding before she resigns herself to the reality that she’s stuck with half ‘n half for life, one way or another, and she may as well suck it up and approach civility because said moron is determined to ignore her open malice until she plays along anyways. they’re... you know, whatever. friends. or something. jesus.

the point being that it’s not a date, and the fact that she’s getting increasingly annoyed at her limited wardrobe is just because she would have packed more shit if the crone hadn’t insisted that they ‘pack light’ so they could get cheaper train tickets for less luggage. it’s just annoying that she can’t wear anything that’s not screaming holiday.

it occurs to her as she sits and scowls at her suitcase that her mother has been watching her from the doorframe for some undetermined amount of time, which is criminal mainly because she’s a goddamn hero-to-be and getting snuck up on by anyone is a blight upon her good name. she tries to disguise the ego damage dealt by glowering murderously in her progenitor’s direction.

“what the fuck do you want?”

“you know,” the she-devil says, cocking a hip, “if you want to borrow something nicer...”

“i wouldn’t be caught dead in your shitty clothes!” katsuki snarls, which prompts the witch to immediately scowl back.

“watch your damn mouth!”

“watch your waistline! no way in hell are we the same size!”

“why you little-”

the interruption at least reminds her that she is obsessing over her clothes ahead of meeting todoroki for lunch, which is so humiliating it kickstarts her brain again long enough to grab some normal shit and get the hell out of there.

on the walk she checks her phone again. the previous day she’d had to bite the bullet and make the first move, todoroki’s infamously terrible communication skills making themselves known once more, and their ensuing conversation had been so mortifying she’d nearly cancelled all-together.

to: Half ‘n half

Yo asshole are we still meeting tomorrow or what

I’m busy as shit

from: Half ‘n half

Yes. TS

to: Half ‘n half

What the fuck is TS

from: Half ‘n half

I was signing off.

to: Half ‘n half

SIGNING OFF ON YOUR OWN TEXT

YOU THINK I DONT KNOW YOUR DAMN NAME

from: Half ‘n half

[Pin attached]

Does here at 12.30 work for you?

to: Half ‘n half

Yeah whatever

Don’t be late

And don’t think I’m forgetting the fucking signing off thing

from: Half ‘n half

Glad you can make time for mockery in your busy as shit schedule.

the venue looks like some rich person shit, which she semi-expected, but it means a lot of people give her weird looks as she makes her way inside, probably on account of the shorts and t-shirt she’s wearing if not her general vibe. some old woman actually drags her purse to her, which makes katsuki sorely tempted to bare her teeth and maybe hiss for effect, though she settles for scowling and shoving her hands in her pockets. it’s 12.27, because she wasn’t going to be late but being any earlier would have given off some dubious impression that she’s eager to see todoroki, except now she kind of wishes she’d just come for 12.30 because if there’s some reservation bullshit she gets the feeling she’s going to start fighting with the waiting staff, and then-

“bakugou,” todoroki calls, from inside, raising a hand with unnecessary formality. “you made it.”

“course i made it,” katsuki grunts, absolutely not relieved as she by-passes the suspicious looking waiter to join her outside. “think i can’t ride the damn underground by myself?”

todoroki is wearing jeans cuffed at the ankles and a white t-shirt on top of which she’s thrown on an open button-up with the sleeves rolled up, and she looks casual and normal and incidentally kind of like they dressed to match, but the important part is that she doesn’t look dressed up at all, so katsuki was totally right about the non-date situation, and also isn’t the only one totally underdressed for the shitty venue.

“you look nice,” todoroki says then, completely shattering katsuki’s brief moment of reprieve. “i’ve never seen so much color on you.”

katsuki almost chokes on her own tongue, but the worst part is that the asshole seems completely nonchalant about the weird as shit observation, focused on her stool as she takes a seat on the balcony. which- what the actual fuck? since when does todoroki issue compliments unprompted- of the non-professional variety, at that? and what the fuck does she expect katsuki to say now- return the compliment? say thanks? is this whole thing some kind of exercise in psychological torture?

well, fuck it. she can’t look like a little bitch just because todoroki said something inanely positive. two can play that game.

“yeah. you look half decent yourself. did you hire someone to dress you for the occasion?”

todoroki blinks up at her in surprise, which is totally a win and would make her more smug if she could stop feeling so weird and prickly all over. for a dangerous moment todoroki seems on the verge of blushing, but miraculously the world rights itself and the usual deadpan persists, one brow quirking up in completely feigned ineptitude.

“there was a compliment somewhere in there, so thank you, i think. i thought we were past this vendetta.”

“we’ll be past this vendetta the day you burn your piece of shit hero suit,” katsuki retorts, back on familiar ground, and relaxes long enough to squint down at the menu.

this turns out to be a mistake.

“the fuck? is this whole thing in french?”

“oh,” todoroki says, after a beat. “that makes sense. i thought my english had deteriorated.”

“are you- you didn’t know? you recommended the place!”

“it was the nearest place to our hotel,” todoroki defends, now having the decency of looking slightly put out. “coq can’t mean what i think it means, can it?”

“that’s chicken, asshole,” katsuki hisses, flinging the menu down. “great, now we’re going to have to flag down one of the shithead waiters and ask for a japanese menu. excuse me! hey! yeah, i’m talking to- what the hell, did he just blow me off? hey, jackass! you with the shitty mustache!”

“sorry about that,” todoroki interjects, when mustache asshole turns an offended stare their way. “do you have the japanese menu?”

“we only serve the food in its authentic form,” mustachioed asshole says, with frigid self-satisfaction. “might i suggest google translate?”

“might i suggest my foot up your ass, you shitty-”

“that’s fine,” todoroki says, in a flat tone that implies otherwise. “we’ll make do.”

the waiter sniffs pretentiously as katsuki thinks about all the ways she could beat his ass into next tuesday, running an aggravated hand through her hair when the wind rustles it into her face. she’d half expect todoroki to suggest they fuck off elsewhere, but when she looks back her way she finds an ill-boding gleam of determination in her eyes despite the impassive set to her face, and it’s a testament to how fucked in the head ua has made katsuki that she feels a sort of sick thrill of recognition at the sight. todoroki’s in stubborn bitch mode.

“i’ll have this,” todoroki says, sure enough, pointing to the most expensive item on the menu. “and also this. and one of those.”

the waiter’s eyes nearly pop out of his skull, and todoroki looks unfazed in katsuki’s direction, tapping pointedly at a sleek black and red credit card in her wallet. “bakugou?”

well, if endeavour’s paying....

“sure,” katsuki says, slowly, and then turns her meanest smile the waiter’s way. “i want the frog legs.”

mustache clears his throat, attempts condescension. “we don’t serve that here.”

“you’re a gastronomique restaurant,” katsuki says very loudly, as other clients turn to stare, “and you don’t have fucking frog legs? is this a joke? does this napkin say authentic french cuisine or am i hallucinating?”

“i can ask the chef,” the waiter demurs, casting a nervous glance at the muttering snobs nearby, and attempts an ingratiating smile. “anything else for you, mademoiselle?”

“what did you just call me?”

once the ordering debacle is over, todoroki slants katsuki what may well be an apologetic glance, vaguely contrite frown sitting pretty atop her usual dead-eyed stare.

“i probably should have read up on the place ahead of time.”

katsuki is well within her rights to chew her head off, she thinks, but food’s on the way and she got to yell at the asshole who gave her the once-over when she came in, so she’s feeling forgiving, even in the face of todoroki’s annoyingly doll-faced apology. the bitch really has to do the bare minimum and she looks like a fucking kpop idol.

“yeah, whatever. i always knew you were a shitty ops planner.”

todoroki, who is an asshole, looks relieved at her generous forgiveness for all of a second before she quirks a brow. “between the two of us, i only count one person who has actually spoken the words ‘shoot first, ask questions later’.”

“that was in a training simulation,” katsuki protests, outraged. “and you know damn well the actors were annoying as shit!”

“i did find them slightly too committed to the role,” todoroki concedes neutrally, which totally means she agrees with katsuki 100% and is being precious about it. katsuki scoffs.

“least the view’s decent.”

“the-“ todoroki starts, in weirdly confused tones, until she follows katsuki’s gaze outward and nods in understanding. “oh, the skyline. yes.”

what else katsuki could have meant she doesn’t fucking know: they’re sitting pretty in the middle of tokyo. the only thing the hellhole of a restaurant has going for it at this point is the cityscape.

todoroki stares out into the distance for a good long moment, and with the breeze her negligently loose hair whips this way and that, red and white blur where the two halves mingle. instinctively katsuki itches to braid it flat so it doesn’t tangle. if todoroki asked her she’d tell her to just cut her damn hair into a bob or something- it’s not like icyhot has any attachment to her princess hair, and she’s got the obnoxious bone structure to pull off any length. not that she’d mention this last part. or that she’s given it much thought. it’s just fucking obvious.

if todoroki could keep her mouth shut throughout the rest of the meal, it could be sort of nice. tokyo skyline, and companionable silence, and presumably edible food. worse ways to kill some time, and way less incriminating than anything that may be said otherwise.

“i think this is the part where we make small talk,” todoroki says instead, sadist that she definitely is, as katsuki grimaces feelingly her way.

“no, we don’t.”

“well, we don’t. but this is the part where we should.”

“i don’t even believe you can last a minute of small talk, icyhot.”

todoroki looks pensive, mismatched eyes thoughtful. “...how has your day been?”

“uneventful,” katsuki says, combative, and eyes her watch. todoroki does not give.

“this place seems nice.”

“you don’t even think that.”

“how have you been finding tokyo?”

“noisy.”

“the weather seems-”

“no.”

“you look nice.”

“you said that already, dumbass,” katsuki grunts, palms crackling with sweat, and does not at all read into the way todoroki makes a stupid little movement with her mouth that could ungenerously be interpreted as a pout.

“well, i meant it, so i’m saying it twice.”

“give it up, half ‘n half, just ask me about training.”

“...how is your training?”

“i did this thing yesterday,” katsuki starts, leaning back in her chair, and from then launches into a very technical and barely exaggerated retelling of the batshit insane stunt she pulled off with her quirk the day prior. todoroki’s focused attention is gratifying, in a totally platonic non-weird way- it’s just that her parents couldn’t very well follow why exactly said stunt was as insane as it is, but todoroki obviously can, and also there’s that thing with todoroki where pulling a reaction out of her ice queen act is admittedly more satisfying than most people. it has jack shit to do with the fact katsuki’s got a very minor complex about todoroki paying her her dues, and even if it did then that’s entirely fucking reasonable considering she still hasn’t forgiven her for the sports fest incident. 

it is a little weird having todoroki’s sole focus on her outside of hero shit, though. it’s not like they really hang out one on one outside of school or work. it’s kind of- unnerving. yeah. unnerving, to be making prolonged eye contact, todoroki’s expression intent but not intense the way she gets in fight scenarios, frowning lightly because she has resting bitch face but apparently genuinely interested. it’s kind of a relief that todoroki asks questions- moves them safely into a conversation, so katsuki’s not just sitting there talking and sort of dry-throated. fucking waiter, leaving them water-less.

it’s fine. they talk about training, and quirks, and then todoroki pushes her hair behind her ears and leans forward to demonstrate on a small scale this thing she’s trying to do where she melts her ice and refreezes it in rapid succession so it causes what is essentially ice rain, but there’s logistics and shit that need to be worked out for it to work the way she’s thinking it might, and katsuki knows her thermal shit so they start scrawling maths over the napkins, and then bicker over the finer points of first year chemistry, so when the food actually arrives to interrupt them todoroki’s startled blink is weirdly relatable, like she also forgot where they were.

the waiter’s there and gone before they’re really recovered from the brief misplacement, which katsuki registers only when she looks down at her empty glass.

“goddamnit- how hard is it to bring us water?”

“they only offer sparkling,” todoroki says, gravely, then outpaces katsuki’s disgust by placing her hand over her glass, ice rising before she switches hands and melts it down. “tell me if the temperature’s off.”

intensely mollified and trying not to look it, katsuki sips it. “’s fine.”

“okay,” todoroki says, faintly pleased, and tilts her head to look down at her food. “i have no idea what any of this is.”

“moron,” katsuki snorts, except it comes out way fonder than it has any rights to, and from beneath the convenient curtain of hair todoroki’s smiling a little, so she hastily stabs a frog leg and gets to eating before anyone gets any ideas.

the actual meal goes okay-ish. most of the stuff todoroki ordered is extremely pretentious french cuisine, and todoroki secretly has the culinary adventurousness of a five year old, so it befalls katsuki to impatiently attempt every dish and pronounce it edible before todoroki will deign to brave it. she’s still trying to bully an unyielding todoroki into attempting the weird bird soup thing when there’s commotion nearby. it takes the both of them approximately three seconds to spring into work-mode; katsuki’s on her feet poised for a fight before she’s even consciously thought about it, scanning her peripherals, and she doesn’t even need to look to feel todoroki unconsciously covering her back, cool sting of air signalling her quirk at the ready. 

the commotion turns out just to be some old dumbass choking, relaxing them both out of their stances as she falls back to let todoroki ahead. they’re both uber-qualified for first aid shit, but she’s self-aware enough to know even todoroki’s bland reassurances are usually preferred to her bedside manner. unfortunately, the whole entourage seems to be braindead, because they’re all crowding the old guy in a panic while he chokes, his wife in shrieking hysterics.

“oh, my god, he’s choking! he’s choking! sugar-plum, stay with me!”

“fuck me,” katsuki mutters, unethically thinking that she would personally prefer choking to being married to someone who calls her sugar-plum, but todoroki’s pushing ahead with implacable calm, so she trudges after her anyways.

“excuse me. excuse me. i need access to your husband.”

“who are you? don’t touch him! help! get this woman off my husband!” wailing hysteric yells, bosom heaving dramatically. katsuki is starting to suspect she poisoned him on purpose or some shit, because no way does anyone talk like that in real life.

“she’s a fucking qualified first aid provider, lady, shut up and let her through!”

thankfully, the woman seems on the verge of an outrage aneurysm, which drags her focus away from suffocating her choking husband to dramatically pointing at katsuki long enough for todoroki to duck past her and reach the guy as he turns purple.

“how dare you speak to me that way? who do you think you are?”

“ma,” chinless moron number one says, clearing his throat. “i think that’s one of those future pros from TV.”

“what?”

“you know, ma,” chinless moron number two adds, glancing nervously between them. “the one that explodes things. you know. from UA.”

katsuki takes great pleasure in watching recognition dawn in the old cow’s beady eyes, but in any event there’s a hacking noise and then the old man’s coughing out a bone into his plate as todoroki steps noiselessly back from the table.

“he’s fine now. enjoy your dinner.”

“god, that was gross,” katsuki says, as they ignore the woman’s sputtering and return to their seats. todoroki tilts her head. 

“not really. if he’d thrown up it would have been.”

“not the choking guy,” katsuki scoffs, casting a glance back his way. “his wife. talk about theatrics.”

“she seemed more afraid of us than her husband dying.”

“for good reason,” katsuki mutters darkly, spreading out in her chair. “i hate civilians.”

“i don’t think she recognised us,” todoroki counters, pensive, and absent-mindedly takes a bite of the weird soup before she screws her face up like a betrayed kid. “oh. you didn’t say it was sweet.”

the look on her face thoroughly distracts katsuki from asking what other reason the pearl-clutcher could possibly have to be so terrified at the mere sight of them; instead, she chokes back a laugh, stifling a grin. “what are you, five?”

“i don’t think i like this,” todoroki says, mournful, which makes katsuki grin harder. she can’t help it- todoroki looking stupid is her kryptonite. 

“then don’t pick a restaurant where you can’t read the menu, next time.”

todoroki’s midway to looking up, but for some reason her expression transforms instantaneously, which makes katsuki reflexively try to quash her amusement. todoroki always gets weird when she’s smiling. 

“next time?”

motherfuck. obviously she didn’t mean next time like next time, she meant next time like- hypothetically, in the future, when todoroki’s on a lunch date with someone else. a lunch non-date. she’s just about stopped sputtering furiously long enough to try and express this sentiment when it occurs to her that todoroki seems- pleased, one eye soft sky-blue when katsuki accidentally meets it, and that draws her up short long enough that she ends up just muttering lamely to herself. fucking todoroki. 

on the heels of this utter embarrassment, she downs the rest of her water, scowls in a neat 180 at everything in sight, and wonders for the first time in her life how the fuck extras get through dates. not that this is one.

it’s fine. they’re done eating, and no one’s died, and katsuki is no longer fifteen and thus mostly trusts her ego to lick its wounds and recover from the ordeal. even if they stick around for desert that’s only another half hour of this to endure. as long as todoroki doesn’t make any sudden moves they’ll be fine.

...the problem is, of course, that sudden moves are todoroki’s modus operandi. katsuki has not forgotten the bitch calling them friends on national television in the same breath that she was vociferously denying them being anything of the sort. in todoroki’s fucked up brain, they’re always ten steps ahead of whatever they actually are- considering katsuki’s come around to privately acknowledging she’d take a couple more stakes through the gut for the asshole, in todoroki’s world they're practically hitched.

platonically. platonically practically hitched. this is not a thing, goddamnit. no matter the weird looks aizawa’s been giving them, or utsushimi’s nefarious schemes, or the alarming cardiopulmonary condition katsuki’s been developing of late. she’s not some shitty yuri protagonist pining over the nearest female bishōnen in her vicinity.

admittedly if she was to pine over anyone it sure as fuck wouldn’t be some guy, but that’s besides the point, since pretty damn near every person on earth is just some guy by her standards, regardless of gender. the fact that todoroki is not one of said people is entirely irrelevant.

her internal irritation is so distracting that she misses the tremors nearby until entirely too late, by which point todoroki’s stupidly perfect brows raise an incremental fraction and she goes: ‘oh’.

when todoroki goes ‘oh’, some shit is about to go down. 

katsuki turns slowly with an impending sense of doom, and sure enough, the sight that greets her is so nightmarish she seriously reconsiders whether the entire day has been just that. 

“don’t freak out,” a giant building-sized deku booms, apologetically, as his hideous giant face stares at them. “it’s just a quirk thing.”

it’s probably a good thing katsuki has gone speechless with outrage, since it permits todoroki’s constantly composed ass to ask useful questions katsuki probably would have coated in a fair amount more threats and cursing.

“midoriya. i didn’t know you were in tokyo.”

“well, i wasn’t meant to be,” deku says/booms like a foghorn, as the restaurant clientele shrieks and stampedes behind them. his sheepish expression is even more punchable when magnified. “it’s a long story. it’s almost sorted out now, though. i just saw you guys from over at the NPA office and thought i’d come ask if you maybe wouldn’t mind lending a hand? i wouldn’t ask but there’s going to be a lot of cleanup and your quirks would be really helpful to-”

“we’ll do it as long as you shut the fuck up,” katsuki yells, to cut him off, massaging her temples. “the monologuing’s bad enough when you’re not about to burst my fucking eardrums, jackass.”

“oh, sorry! i’m trying to be very quiet but this body’s just hard to get used to- thank you so much for helping, i didn’t mean to come bother you on break...”

“it’s fine,” todoroki says, and then seems to realise that her monotone doesn’t reach midoriya’s giant-ass ears and clears her throat, raising her voice to a shout. “it’s fine. let me go deal with the bill and then we’ll go.”

“sorry?” midoriya whisper-shouts, craning his monstrous head closer to them, the sight of which will haunt katsuki for the rest of her life. “i can’t hear what you’re saying!”

“she said she’s going to go pay for our nice fucking lunch,” katsuki hollers, with no small sense of satisfaction, as deku winces and todoroki slinks off. “since you want to come crashing it like a dipshit.”

“sorry, kacchan!” deku begs off, flapping hand gestures creating enough wind to knock over a nearby umbrella stand. “i just thought it would be a lot of help if you came to oversee the fall-out- especially with the building damage-”

“we’re good,” todoroki announces, to katsuki, apparently having given up on matching her in decibels. she’s got that classic hero look on her face, already in work mode, but just when katsuki’s about to do the same and jump into action, the look wavers a little and she frowns vaguely awkwardly. “thanks for doing lunch.”

“huh?” katsuki stutters, thrown, and then scowls at nothing in particular, stalling. todoroki’s the one who paid, albeit indirectly- it’s typically weird of her to be all formal about it all of a sudden, leaving katsuki to attempt to wriggle them out of the awkwardness of the moment. “i didn’t do shit except show up and eat, weirdo.”

“it’s been abnormally hard to show up and eat in the circumstances,” todoroki replies, a little wryly, and more concerningly a little resigned sounding. which is just unnatural, because todoroki may have expanded her range of emotions considerably since first year but resignation is not on her usual roster, and there’s nothing to be resigned about unless she had some kind of vested interest in this whole fiasco playing out any better than it did.

which she didn’t, obviously. katsuki’s been through this. she chose the nearest possible venue and rocked up in jeans and a t-shirt, and- and why is the fact that todoroki never dresses so normally out of class only now occurring to her, again?

she’d said ‘i think this is the part where we do small talk’. the part of what?

“yeah, whatever,” katsuki says, automatically, as her brain plays catch-up, which is the excuse she will forever stick to for what leaves her mouth next. “should have known you’d be a lousy date.”

todoroki goes ‘what?’ at the same moment deku does, ten times louder and more bug-eyed, which reminds katsuki that 1) deku is still there, 2) deku is still as big as his martyr complex, and 3) deku is the fucking worst, and allowing him to trap her into friendship is somehow responsible for this, she’s sure of it. 

“can we go handle this fucking mess or what?” katsuki snaps, instead of screaming or breaking deku’s very large nose or maybe self-immolating in abject humiliation, hands erupting into explosions as she jumps onto the balcony railing. maybe if she throws herself headfirst into the debris she’ll concuss herself and turn amnesiac. 

“um,” deku is saying, when she turns a withering glare his way. “um, yes! yes! yeah! let’s go do that!”

so she jumps skywards, explosions blasting her high into the air, and very scrupulously does not look towards the sounds of slick ice forming just behind her until todoroki skates into her peripheral vision, hair waving flag-like behind her. ahead there’s a building with a crater clean through it where deku must have erupted from, though when she turns to comment she finds him a fair deal behind them, lumbering pace slowed further as he avoids stepping on anyone or anything along the streets. instead her eyes lock on todoroki’s where the latter is staring at her, face unreadable, and she bristles hard enough to disrupt trajectory, correcting course rapidly before she plummets into an office.

“what?”

“i’m a lousy date,” todoroki repeats, neutrally, over the wind. katsuki grits her teeth.

“and what about it?”

she’s bracing for a lot, but not the horrible, sickening eye-crinkle thing todoroki does, dark eye twinkling even as her expression stays carefully impassive. “you think you can do better, then?”

“hah?”

“next time,” todoroki intones, very precisely, and then dips ahead like a complete coward as katsuki goes a color never previously visible to the human eye, sifting through about fifteen emotions before she decides to stick to outrage.

“what the hell? you suck at asking people out, icyhot!”

“you don’t have to say yes.”

“what, you think i can’t do better than this mess? you’re on, asshole.”

“i look forward to it,” todoroki says, gravely, and then there’s a collapsed building to handle and shit to do and if anyone wants to ask why katsuki is so especially gleeful in blowing shit up they wisely keep their mouths shut. she just likes the job, all right.

(for the record, it’s still not a date until katsuki says it is.)

[hermannsthumb]

As per our twitter convo: Newt asking Hermann to help him take nudes for his current bf and “forgetting” to mention they’ve broken up...

THIS ONE IS FUN sorry they dont get laid until off screen at the end 😔 hard m, but still, 18+/not sfw

-----------------------------------

“So, uh,” Newton says, “this really isn’t what it looks like.”

Newton’s protests would be far more convincing if he took his hand out of his trousers first. As it is, Hermann can’t help but assume that the opposite--that it is, in fact, exactly what it looks like--is true. It’s to the credit of the sheer number of times Hermann’s walked in on Newton engaging in questionable acts that he doesn’t turn heel and march right back out of the lab but, instead, settles in wearily at his desk.

“What is it this time, then?” he says.

Newton tugs his hand from beneath his waistband, cell phone (curiously enough) in tow. “I’m taking a picture of my junk,” he says.

“Are you,” Hermann says.

“No, really,” Newton says. “I am!” Then he grins. “I’m seeing someone.”

This, at least, is not news to Hermann. Around two months ago, Newton began cutting out of work early three nights out of the week and coming back each following morning suspiciously ill-rested and in wrinkled clothing. When pressed, he admitted to Hermann--eventually--that he had begun dating again. (“Nothing serious,” he said. “A few guys. It’s just--I need an outlet, y’know? A sex kind of outlet?” “Yes, Newton, I understand,” Hermann snapped. He hadn’t said what he really wanted to say, which was I could be that for you. An admission like that was far too desperate. As it was, he merely proceeded to spend the next few weeks simmering with jealousy and fervently hoping Newton’s mystery man of the night would walk off a cliff.)

“Another one?” Hermann says.

Newton had begun dating again, but that did not necessarily mean the dates were going well. He cycled through them faster than he did pairs of socks. (The last one had kicked him out before they even surpassed “second base,” Newton admitted to Hermann sadly, because Newton couldn’t stop giggling over a joke he’d heard earlier in the day.) “Yes, another one,” Newton says. “He’s really cool, Hermann. Super dreamy. Brown eyes--a smile that--”

“Very fascinating, Newton, I’m sure,” Hermann interrupts, unable to help himself from bristling. He is not going to sit idly by and listen to Newton describe--well--effectively his romantic rival. “Unfortunately, I have a great deal of work to do today and I can’t stop to talk.” He grabs a random stack of documents and begins to scrawl across them blindly.

Newton is silent for an unsettling amount of time. Hermann looks up to find he’s jammed his mobile down his trousers once more.

“Newton,” he says.

“I just can’t get a good angle,” Newton huffs, marching over to Hermann’s side. “It’s all turning out blurry. Look!”

He thrusts his mobile up in front of Hermann’s face before Hermann can even contemplate averting his eyes, treating Hermann to an--indeed--very blurry photograph of what appears to be his genitalia. In all the times Hermann fantasized about being face-to-face with that particular part of Newton’s anatomy, he can’t say this is how he expected it to happen; yet, at the same time, he’s not surprised. It was bound to either be something like this or a lab shower incident.

Hermann pushes the phone aside with the tip of his index finger. “I see,” he says.

It’s is shoved back under his nose. “Do you think this is sexy?” Newton says.

Hermann says nothing, though the answer would’ve been yes. Newton could show him a photograph of his left pinky and Hermann’s lonely, sex-starved, Newton-infatuated brain could twist it into something dazzlingly erotic. He thinks if he were on the receiving end of the picture on Newton’s phone his brain might fizzle into nothing and melt out from his ears. He thinks he’s close to it now.

Newton shakes his phone. “Help me, dude!”

“I don’t bloody know,” Hermann finally snaps, once he remembers how to speak. “I don’t know why you want my help, or how I’m meant to be helping in the first place--do you want me to take the damned photographs for you?”

This, as it turns out, is precisely the wrong thing to say.

Exactly one hour later, Hermann finds himself in Newton’s bunk, holding Newton’s beat-up iPhone, as Newton attempts to wriggle out of his impossibly tight skinny jeans. His button-down has already met a similar fate, and it lays--crumpled--in the corner by his boots and socks. “You ought to know,” Hermann says, “that wasn’t an offer.”

(You’re my best friend, Newton said. I trust you more than anyone, Newton said. It’s what lab partners are for, Newton said. I really want to get laid, Newton said. Can you help me take my shirt off? Newton said.)

“It’ll be real fast,” Newton says. “And so much easier with an audience. You can tell me what works and what doesn’t, get better angles... Boxers on or off?”

Oh, bugger, Hermann thinks miserably. “Er. Whatever you prefer.”

“Off,” Newton says.

His boxers have small frogs on them, and they end up in the pile with his jeans and button-down after a few more minutes of strategic hopping. Then Newton spreads his arms wide and beams proudly. “Alright, cool! Picture time!”

“You can’t really expect to seduce anyone like that,” Hermann says to the wall to Newton’s left.

Newton’s arms fall to his side. From the corner of his eye, Hermann sees him pout. “I can’t?”

“No,” Hermann says, and--with a sigh--caves in and looks fully at Newton. His tattoos go all the way down. Not that that helps Hermann in any way. “The lighting is terrible. You have rubbish everywhere. And--you ought to be lying down, not standing like that. And--here--”

Hermann thrusts Newton’s phone back at him and proceeds to clatter around his bunk, making it as presentable as any living space of Newton Geiszler could possibly be without severe intervention. Newton’s dirty laundry is shoved out of sight under his bed with the aid of Hermann’s cane; the overhead fluorescent light switched off and replaced with the warm glow of Newton’s bedside lamp; the crumpled paper and crushed energy drink cans littering Newton’s desk tipped into the trashcan; Newton himself pushed back on his bed, soft thighs splayed open, mouth parted in mild surprise, gaze wide and eager behind his crooked glasses and focused in on Hermann. “Am I good now?” he says.

Oh, someone help Hermann. “Yes,” he croaks. “Ah--back against your pillows. And--your hands--ah, however you’d like them.”

Hermann’s mouth is dry as cotton and his hands are shaking as badly as anything as he takes a series of pictures of Newton, each one--somehow--more tantalizing than the last: Newton winking, Newton with his hands on his thighs, Newton on his stomach with his arse in the air, Newton with his hand around--

Hermann drops the phone, and it clatters to the ground. Newton sits up quickly. “Sorry,” he says, noticeably pink in the face. “Too much?”

“No,” Hermann stammers. “It’s whatever you--your date--would like. I merely--wasn’t expecting it. No, don’t get up!” He bends over and snatches up the phone before Newton can get to his feet. He doesn’t want to chance getting too close to a naked Newton (unsure of what he’d do, frankly), or chance Newton getting too close to him and discovering that Hermann’s trousers are doing a rather poor job of disguising his interest in the proceedings. Hermann might be able to explain it away by blaming simple gut instincts to seeing a nude, moderately attractive man sprawled about in front of him (as Newton, after all, is sporting an obvious arousal himself, likewise something to be blamed on being on display), but he’d rather not.

Newton shrugs and begins to rummage around in a drawer next to his bed. “Okay,” he says, “pink or sparkly, you pick.”

“Pink?” Hermann says, furrowing his brow. Is it lingerie? Some fancy underwear? Newton’s never struck him as the sort to tress himself up in bows.

It turns out it’s neither. “Good choice,” Newton says, and presents a garish, rather intimidating hot pink dildo to Hermann. “It’s easier to suck on.”

“Oh,” Hermann squeaks.

Newton insists on introducing props into their photo shoot (he calls it) after that, and it’s not until Hermann takes a third shot of a lab coat-clad Newton sucking away at an esoterically shaped sex toy that Newton finally stops and declares it a night. And just in time at that. If Hermann doesn’t readjust his trousers soon, he may lose circulation to the lower half of his body.

Newton presses Hermann’s hand with far more sincerity than circumstances call for when he stands to retrieve his mobile phone. “You’ve been a huge help,” he tells Hermann, grinning and beaming up at him. At least he’s left the lab coat on: Hermann might’ve keeled over entirely if a fully nude Newton got this close to him. As it is he merely wobbles, something which he hides easily by shifting more of his weight to his cane. “Seriously,” Newton continues, “these are exactly what I wanted. He’s gonna love them.” 

“Very good,” Hermann says. He nods stiffly. “I hope they work.”

“I have a good feeling they will,” Newton says.

Hermann has a very satisfying wank-off session in his bunk afterwards. As he lays there, sweat cooling on his skin, breathing slowly calming down, and the image of a labcoat-clad Newton cupping himself burned permanently into his retinas, he’s surprised to hear his mobile go off on his bedside table. Approximately two people ever attempt to contact him through it--his sister, and Newton--and he can’t imagine why either of them would need him right now.

It’s Newton, as it turns out. More specifically--it’s Newton’s nudes. He’s attached a small winking emoticon at the end of the series of pictures. Then (as Hermann stares at his phone, and the night’s handiwork, in disbelief), a moment later, my bunk?

Oh, how mortifying--Newton must’ve meant to send them to his mystery date. At least it was Hermann he sent them to and not someone else. Newton, it’s me, Hermann replies. Hermann.

i know ;) Newton replies.

Oh.

Hermann does up his trousers and stumbles out the doorway.

[cleaduvalls]

i watched “spy kids” 4 times in 1 week and here are my thoughts

carmen your nightgown is like 200 years old, get a new one

you clearly know this story by heart, you’re saying parts of it. why are you questioning what “take him out” means

a double wig should be more obvious than that

we can see that that’s a glass elevator. people can see you changing, ingrid

nice hat

why did you kill the swan

is that paul rudd???????

how are jets ripping pages out of a book

heart shaped parachutes shouldn’t be working that well

why is there a guitar on your bed. how do you sleep

i think the kids would have seen the track in the floor at SOME point

why is there a jungle gym in their house. i know they’re spies but who has a jungle gym.... in their HOUSE

carmen you’re a frog

i think juni just legitimately try to kill carmen

why are both parents going to school. is that like, a Thing????

juni how do you do that

who puts a video screen in the front seat

hey look its floop. love that guy

they’re not picking on you for the bandages, it’s cuz you brought the toys OUTSIDE your backpack. always put them inside. trust me

did his mirror just.... zoom in?????

h*ck yeah beat him up greg

do all the other kids hate him too??????

dang that hurt

“chief” that’s so white

stupid kid. his dads a spy

that floop doll isn’t even close to accurate

hey look its floop again. love that dude

Big Willy Wonka Energy

oooh skipping numbers i see. love that

why do the subtitles have “mr. floop” as his name. its just floop, yall

“sometimes in order to think big you have to think small” pretty inspirational tbh

oh hes fidgeting!!!!!! love that

woah what are you doing this is rated pg ingrid

i wish my uncles would tell me im shrinking. they just make small talk abt school 😔

this gradenko lady looks like jan from the office

hey its floop again!!!!! love that dude

yes juni. its a fire drill in your own home

these dudes have a jungle gym AND a pool. what the h*ck

why did you pull off your mustache to prove you’re not related. if anything that makes you more related. greg does that too

why did he put the mustache back ON

where did those boats come from

carmen says manual weird. man-yull

right, cuz adrenaline causes warts

“don’t touch anything” *immediately touches everything*

basic boat ettiquette: don’t shit in the boat. those toilets can’t handle anything

is that globe..... punched in???????

floop!!!!!!! love that dude

feet on the desk????? i dunno seems pretty gay

since when did carmen get keys to that

i might be wrong but i dont think thats every country

what does pressure have to do with positioning a laser

this floor is the best mechanic in the whole movie. reminds me of a richie rich comic i had as a kids

why did they not run into the wall. i wanted to see that

is the slide there when floop films his show????

HEY ITS FLOOP!!!! love that dude

theres a bunch of normal food like.... sour worms. why did they pick the slime from charlie and the chocolate factory when johnny depp finds the oompa loompas

thats a sick coat. best one in the movie

that was a good snap. nice acoustics

God what a power move. something thanos would say

listen floop i love you but thats not how you say research

fELIX NO

and hes gone. cool

did she kick the camera?????

haha author unknown. cuz hes a spy

why did you take that one specifically????? plot convenience????

he can still be a spy, just not a good one. learn to read

is that supposed to be a question?????

FUN FACT if you listen closely when carmen says “like felix said” you can hear a weird cut in “said”, almost like its a new clip

theres no keyhole

i think juni can read. why are you spelling it

did you have the floop toys in your pocket????

OKAY THIS SCENE WHERE THEY PLAY IT BACKWARDS?????? THAT MESSED ME UP AS A KID 

what do those things do?????

i can feel the pain from the fan blades

how did that break the chain????

why would you annouce that. they can hear you. just because they’re thumbs doesn’t mean they’re deaf

that’s a thing, not a place

FLOOP!!!!! ON A BILLBOARD!!!! love that dude

how are you slipping. shes holding YOU

YOU DROPPED HIM GENIUS

how do people not notice the jetpack dudes

DOES NO ONE CARE THAT CLOTHES WERE STOLEN

that’s a cute coat

why is the lady cool with carmen just... doing that

HEY I LOVE THIS SONG!!!!!!!!! AND THAT DUDE!!!!!

ofc you can’t think “straight enough” you’re gay

why is mexico sepia tone

when do you think juni had time to change and learn a new language

IF IT HURTS TO HIT HIM, S T O P

i wanna be on that merry-go-round

HOW DO YOU K N O W THAT HIS CODE NAME. WHY “MUST” IT BE HOMBRE

i love how junis just like “we already got a fake uncle”

LOOK AT HOW FLOOP IS SITTING!!!!!!!! THATS GAY!!!!!!! HE IS A HOMOSEXUAL!!!!!!!!

ALSO MORE FLOOP!!!! say it with me, LOVE THAT DUDE!!!!!!!!!!

minion looks like barry from friends

wait i lied this coat is better

we DO have uncles like that!!!!!

if your inventions are so good why is your font so BORING

hey wait carmen said that. hmmmmmmmm 🤔🤔🤔

glowsticks dont help you see like at all

the map looks like gallifreyan but its not. spy kids is older than the doctor who reboot

they go ZOOM

THATS NOT HOW YOU SAY MANUAL!!!!!!!

great job carmen YOU wrecked the plane

WHATS A REGULATOR

oh its just a breathing thing

haha pee joke. funney

where are the brains coming from???? that factory is Not Correct

if i were juni i would look back over all the floop’s fooglies tapes and see what the agents were saying backwards. once the mission was done, ofc

it took me like 5 minutes to figure out what sknaht meant the first time

SEE THIS MECHANIC IS GOOD BC NOW THERES NO PLEXIGLASS

WHY DOES NO ONE RUN INTO THE WALL

F L O O P  I S  G O D

love that dude

you discussed with the spy parents that juni watched the show. he just told you that you took his parents. you KNOW this is juni, why are you surprised that he watches it????? you already know!!!!!!

tbh i kinda want some of those colorful chains. they’d look cool somewhere

haha voice crack

no wonder your shows not doing well. those are awful times

why is there a sexy thumb nurse. why did floop make the thumb nurse sexy

use her first name?????? you’re clearly dating

!!!!!! THEY USED THE SAME TOOL MULTIPLE TIMES!!!!!! UNHEARD OF!!!!!!!

he cares so much about this show!!!!!! its so sweet!!!! love that dude

YEP THIS COAT IS BETTER, LOOKS A M A Z I N G IN A RUNNING SCENE

haha you killed carmen

ok this scene with the acid crayon is like my absolute favorite. something about using a crayon to escape and then floop (love that dude) opening the door a second later and then doing a double take. FAVE

wheres belize

ok so apparently its a country by mexico

no you CANT tell her you need to ESCAPE

we finally got a clean outside shot of the castle.... that place is wack

haha minion can’t sit in the hand chair correctly because hes STRAIGHT what a loser

hey juni HOW DO YOU DO THAT

minion you know what the robot costumes look like AND what juni looks like. dont be stupid

what..... what do you want carmen for, exactly, minion??????

floop is supportive of others’ art!!!!!!!!!!! love that dude

HE SAID “WHERE’S MOM AND DAD” LIKE THEY’RE HIS OWN PARENTS THAT’S SO C U T E

ALSO ANOTHER SCENE WITH THE GREAT RUNNING COAT

he says doppelganger beautifully

“its too late” that timing was BEAUTIFUL

you COULD take 500 brains out if you just TRIED HARDER. still love that dude

his control panel has buttons that spell “floop”

WHY CAN MINION TALK NORMAL

if its reversible why do you have it in later movies

carmen fights fake juni and juni fights fake carmen because they didnt have the fancy clone (?) technology

THREE TIMES!!!!!! THEY USED THE SAME TOOL T H R E E  T I M E S THIS HAS NEVER BEEN SEEN BEFORE!!!!!!!!!!!

nice censorship

HOW DID MACHETE SMASH ONLY THE CLEAR WINDOWS AND A L L THE CLEAR WINDOWS THERE ARE NO MORE CLEAR WINDOWS!!!!!! ANYWHERE!!!!!

wow nice 3 buttons thats totally how you hack

oh look they have all died

oh. guess not :((

machete you better rip off your mustache

HES GOING TO JUNIS LEVEL TO TALK TO HIM!!!!!!! HE RUFFLED HIS HAIR!!!!!!!!! HES GONNA MAKE A GREAT DAD!!!!!!!

wow no shit ingrid

did he leave his wart bandaid on the kitchen counter?????

ALAN CUMMING!!!! ON A CEREAL BOX!!!!

ok CLEARLY other people watch floop’s show, he’s rated number 2. kids at the school are gonna recognize juni and carmen. they better get popular

is that george clooney

well that’s not how it works in spy kids 2. or 3. or 4. or the tv show

[demyrie]

Maybe someone’s already asked, but do you have any other BNHA OTPs/Ships?

NO HISS ERASERMIGHT ONLY I AM A MONOSHIP GREMLIN no really that’s what it feels like sometimes looool, but I do have other ships I genuinely enjoy and cheer on! I’m a basic bitch though. No edgy shit here, just the FDA approved Standard Queer BNHA Ships. But thanks for asking even if I’m boring!!

SILLY SHIPPING BLA BLA TO FOLLOW

Kiddo shippos! *DAB*

I love love love TodoDeku. Like. Todoroki just breathing steam through his nose every time oblivious Deku enters a room, shining with friendship? YES. Shouto hangs the moon by his gaze and their vibe is so soft and centered on healing!!! Shouto needs it. He needs the green boy love and it’s pretty much canon he’s never had a friend before and they both come from backgrounds of neglect and HE DOESN’T KNOW HOW TO PEOPLE OR BOND and *nodsnods*

MOMOJIROUUUUUUU *SCREAMS* PREP PUNK TWITTERPATION NATION they’re so in love and fashionable i cant, the sheer amount of blushing involved in a first kiss I jUST

Shinsou/anyone pretty much? in my hc he has a crush on the entirety of 1A and it gives Aizawa a fucking stomach ache of nerves and dread just like CHILD AT LEAST PICK ONE but no not that one not deku anyone but deku SHIT

TSUYURAKA OR WHATEVER ITS CALLED *SCREAMS LOUDER* FLOATY FROG LOVE HOW ARE THEY SO SOFT AHHHH guaranteed they just binge netflix and eat cake and popcorn and cuddle and Uraraka gathers tsu to her tummy fluff so her frog girl can stay warm and happy aaaaaaaaa it reminds me of me and Rae!

canonically I do appreciate Dekuraka because just … *squints* if we’re gonna have a het midoriya it’s mcfuckin whoppercute ai’ght let him blush and be a twitterpated kid ok… 

IIDA/ANYONE LET MY BOY BE HAPPY. TodoIideku is pure bliss and any fractal of the triad is bliss. TodoIida is hilarious and wonderful -- their personalities are so funny, with Iida being SO EXTRA and Todoroki being singularly unflappable but also secretly Soft. But I also like Iida + Uraraka in context of tododeku?? Like ... they would be so cute ...

I love KiriBaku / Bakushima because it’s just s-s-s-so pure. Like, Kirishima is such a Good Boy that he melts Bakugou with the brightness of his smile and that’s a canonical miracle. The way the shippers portray it is just so emotional and the only way I can lock into ships with Bakugou is explosionboy finally chipping a little off of the ice block around his heart and realizing he can Emote Softly. Hopefully after Breaking Down in the Fucking Loudest Way because … necessary. (in the same vein occasionally I’ll reblog a BakuDeku something or other, but I only jive with that when they’re way way older and have obviously done the DIFFICULT work to come to terms with their past and all the abuse Midoriya has suffered. Just to head off the purity police, obviously not fetishizing or expecting romantic relationships to solve, or emerge from, bullying =__= Bakugou is a little shit and has done a lot of harm, and could have done even more, but he’s learning and that’s better than the alternative.)

Well, I’m gonna be honest, I OT3′d (triangle) the big 3 before their anime debut and wanted to write so much dirty fic about Nejire and Mirio basically coaxing and praising Tamaki into a three-way (not like it’s a first time but like it happens EVERY WEEK and they STILL HAVE TO COAX HIM and everyone involved loves it, praise kink +100000%) but now I think it’s Miritama and Nejire + her best friend who worships her cuteness? But I dunno I’ll have to see more Nejire. Man. Writing about the ot3 makes me wanna do it though ugh I’m weak.

Adult ships!

Erasermight shut up

Midnight/me yep thats one of my faves. I’m kidding I mean Midnight/everyone, I fucking dig MicNight and AllNight like woah, but also can’t see her being anything but aggressively and professionally poly. She would D E V O U R a monogamous mate, you gotta spread that hunger out man. I know there’s a Mount Lady/Midnight community but I haven’t dipped my toes in! (*pokes fingers together* I-I have an OC … in fact I think the only OCs I make are Midnight’s current partners or her exes, like in Newsflash … and I think I just realized that … whoops im gay)

I like Erasermic in an ‘Over There’ sense – I loooove the art and I loooove the silly-ass shippers and can see why people adore it, but it doesn’t push my buttons. I never read fic because I exhausted all my ‘pining for your best friend’ tropes in my younger years and that well is dry now haha.

NAOMIGHT. JUST. NAOMIGHT. *jumps up and down* I DONT KNOW HOW IT WORKS IN FICTION BUT I LOVE IT IN ART

DAVEMIGHT? DAVEMIGHT but in the past, and sad, it has to be sad otherwise i don’t cum

Toshinori/happiness tbh

NightMight maybe once I meet the man??? Again, toshinori/happiness always wins you don’t even have to twist my arm let the man be loved

Those are my ships! Sometimes I get asked for fic recs for other pairings but honestly, I absorb all of these in a visual sense, especially the kids. It’s hard for me to sit my ass on one ship and stan it with the same fervor as Erasermight because they’re KIDS. They’re all just so young and have so many defining moments to go through (such zygotes!!!!). I just feel super happy and full of anticipation watching Horikoshi develop them

But hey man!!! if anyone has any really good fic recs for the aforementioned ships, please send them over!! I am always open to wooing and quality and am deeply, deeply terrified of and overwhelmed by the amount of fan material out there. SO. probly not gonna find it on my own without a panic attack. *shrugs*

[earthghoul-mp4]

Idk what am doing(Also Trigger warning !!Abuse, Self-harm mentions, Drug use and Self starvation!!)

Alright so context: These characters are the Alternate versions of two other characters which is why there reffered to as “Alter Siri, Alter Subaru, Alter Kou, Alter Rina, Alter Melon’ and ‘Alter Akai” Subaru, Kou and Melon are all vampires in theyre universe and all of the (except Alter Siri) are part of the Crimson rose’s mafia (I didnt come up with most of this stuff, This happened a while back when I had discord) Alter M(Melon) has been shown to have a crush on Alter R(Rina), Alter S and K(Subaru and Kou) are dating. No one really knows about Alter Siri. Alter A(Akai), Is a dick-head brother. He and Alter M are twins with her being the younger of the two. Alter A has always been abusive, physically and mentally. So Alter M’s trust issues and low esteem, stem from him. Alter M and Alter S, intentionally chose, not to bite Alter R or Alter K. (Even though both have been very adamant about them doing so-) Alter R is in fact a Demon- (Not really sure what kind though-) UHM- Oh yeah, Alter M and Alter A’s parents were murdered when they were very young and Alter A was thought to be dead as well. (WHICH HE WASNT) Alter R’s mother was killed by Alter R’s hand and Alter R’s sister also died. Alter S and Alter K have been trying to set up Alter M and Alter R because its painfully obvious they like each other. THE MAIN THINGS TO REMEMBER: Alter A is a dick, Alter M is SUPPOSED to feed off Alter R but refuses to do so, Alter S and Alter K are the chaotic duo of the four, and Alter Siri stays out of their bullshit at all costs. Alter M and Alter K both have ADHD

Alter R lay awake on her bed staring up the ceiling. The storm outside was making it pretty hard to sleep, so there wasn’t any point in trying. There was a quiet knock on her door and Alter R looks up to see Alter M  standing half-asleep in the doorway. “Cant sleep either, huh?” Alter M shook her head and walked over to Alter R. “Storms are always so pretty but they make too much noise..” Alter M  whines as she flops onto Alter R’s bed. “Sounds like you-” Alter R realized how that sounded, but apparently Alter M didn’t. “Nuh uh, I dont make nearly as much noise as Kou-chan, and Baru-chan” Alter R laughed a bit “I’ve always found that family dynamic you three have very interesting.” Alter M sits up “Whats that s’posed to mean?” Alter R smiled “It just means that you three never cease to confuse me, Especially you” Alter M folds her arms across her chest “What’s that supposed to mean?!” Alter R sighs “I just mean, Ive never understood you, Or any of you for that matter. I’m not good with people, and probably never will be” The storm outside seeed to die down some to the point where it was just rain and Alter M smiles. “What’s got you all smiley?” Alter M’s hands ball up into fists and shake a little “Hehe! The rain! Do you hear it?” The gentle pitter-patter of the rain on the roof had Alter M’s brain go nuts, and Alter R found it adorable “Yeah, I do. It is a nice sound, huh?” Alter M smiled widely and nodded happily. Alter R laughed “You find the strangest things amazing, Alter M” Alter M drew her face into an angry pout “Nuh-uh I dont.” Alter R looked at her skeptically “How many people do you know can go from crying to almost perfectly fine when given a frog plush?” Alter M didnt respond “Thats not fair! Buttons is the best comfort plushie!” Alter R laughed. Alter flopped backwards onto Alter R bed and turned over to face the wall. “Aw c’mon-” Alter shook her head “Nu!” Alter R took a minute to decide what to do. “Hmm...Hehe...” Alter R decided to pick up Alter M. It wasnt hard with how small Alter M is. “Put me dooown, meanie” Alter R sat Alter M in her lap “Better?” Alter M was not prepared for that “HHHHHH-” Alter R was kinda oblivious to Alter M’s crush on her since she felt like she didnt deserve to be loved so she hid her feelings for Alter M, and hoped they’d just go away. Alter M hid her face in the collar of her sweater “Thats not fair...” Alter R laughed a little “How?” Alter M turned away “Cuz!” “Pfft- “cuz” how?” Alter M flapped her arms quickly “Cuz because!” Alter R realized how tired Alter M looked “Hey...When’s the last time you slept?” Alter M didnt respond “Alter M...” Alter M shrugged “I dunno...two..three days ago?” Alter R sighed “Its not my fault! Trying to sleep is hard” Alter R knew how that was. There were countless nights where she couldn’t sleep at all even if she tried. “When’s the ast time you had any water?” Alter M drew a black once again “Alter M!” Alter  pulled her collar further over her face “I’m sorry!” Alter R sighs “Stay here, alright?” Alter M nodded. Alter R got up and walked down to the kitchen. “I shouldn’t be so hard on her, Its not her fault...But she’ll keep doing if someone doesn’t tell her other wise” Alter R sweared under her breath and folded her arms on the counter “Ri-chan...?” Alter R forgot Subarus and Kou’s room was down the hall from the kitchen “Hey Subaru..” Alter S walked over to her “You okay?” Alter R nodded “Yeah I’m fine, its super early though. You should get back to sleep.” Alter S just looked at her. “Yo hear yourself right? I should sleep? Whens the last time you had a full 8 hours of sleep, huh?” There wasnt an answer “Thats what I thought. Now what been keeping you up at night? Somethings bound to be wrong if you’re the one distraught” Alter R walked over to the fridge to get some waters “No ones distraught, alright?” Alter S knew better than that. “Then why is it that every night this week, without fail, You’ve been up in the middle of the night....For what?” Alter clenched her fist around one of the waters “For the last time...Its nothing!” Alter S let it go this time. “Just take of yourself, alright?” Alter R nodded and headed back upstairs. Alter S sighed and got a cup of ramen “She’s the one who worries me...She stretches herself thin for everyone else and just acts like she’s fine. I just wish she didnt keep everything bottled up. Both of them! Her and Mel-chan” 

Alter M had fallen asleep on the end of Alter R’s bed “I didn’t tell her she had to stay awake..” Alter R picked up her phone to check the time “Damn...Its already three- thirty..” Alter R threw one her extra blankets over Alter M. Alter just curled up underneath of it, “pfft- That’s not how you use a blanket” Alter M picked up her head “Hm...?” Alter M sat up sleepily and looked at her. “Nothing, Nothing. I didnt say anything” Alter M hugged Alter R “Oh- ok...?” Alter R was never really one for physical affection, shes only ever really let Alter M hug her, any physical contact really. “Hey...You can let go now..” Alter M only hugged her tighter and Alter R realized she had fallen asleep. “Ah...Jeez...” Alter R was too tired at this point to care, so  she just laid own with Alter M still hugging her. Around seven or so Kou came around to check on Alter R since she’s usually up by then. “Awww!” Alter R had held onto Alter M the whole night. Its not uncommon for Alter M to e hugging something especially when she’s asleep. Its more uncommon to see Alter R hugging anyone for long periods of time. “I dont think either of them have actually, slept, in a while” Kou walked off leaving Alter R and Alter M to sleep. Kou went to go get Subaru who had ultimately fallen alseep on the couch “Oiiii! Subaru.” Subaru rolled over off the couch “AGH- Shit!” Kou kicked him “SHHH- Ri-chan and Mel-chan are still sleeping” Subaru punched him “B!tch” Kou gasped dramatically “Ooo Ouch what a burn” Subaru just looked at him. Alter R stared down at them from the top of the stairs. They both knew they fucked up, Alter M appeared behind her looking half dead. “Im going back to bed...” Alter M turned on her heel and walked down to her room.  “Wait yall two was in the same room???” Alter R walked down the stairs “Uhm...Yeah?” Alter S nodded “Mhm...” Alter R just gave him a confused look and went to get a coffee “And your still sure you dont have feelings for her?” Not many things can catch Rina off guard...This however, Caught her very off-guard “Yes I’m sure!” Alter S and Alter K gave her a look like “Uh huh” “Yeah well your face just about as red as your eyes” Rina threw a spoon at him “You shut your mouth!” They both started laughing and Rina just sipped her coffee “I’m gonna kill you both in your sleep...” Alter M stomped out of room “If y’all don’t shut the fuck up, I will burn all of your clothes” Everyone just looked at her “Let this be a godammned warning” Rina just kinda looked at her “Uhm- Okay then...” “Kinda saw that oe coming she’s always pissed off about something- Its just easier to piss hernoff if shes tired” Alter M threw her shoe at him “Ya damn right” Rina laughed and so did Kou “Thats not funny that hurt!” Melon went to grab a redbull but Rina stopped her. “Eh?” Rina looked her dead in the eyes and just told her “No” Melon just kinda looked at her “Fine” and went to go sit down. Rina grabbed her wrist “Subaru, Kou...Out. Now” Subaru and Kou knew something was boutta happen but when Rina said something ya best listen. Both of them left the room. “What?” Rina leaned back against the counter “....” Melon was throughly confused “What did I do??” Rina looked up from her mug “Whens the last time you ate anything?” Melon looked away “That requires an answer...” Melon refused to meet Rina’s eyes “Alter M...” Melon simply walked outside and into the woods Rina followed her but from a distance. “Maybe she just need some air...?” Melon sat down in the middle of a clearing and just stayed there

                        (End of part one cuz Im Lazy \(030)/)

What should happen next???

[decaynow]

∞

SHDHDHHSHD DOES THIS MEAN YOU WANT ME TO ANSWER WHICHEVER ONES I WANT OR ALL OF THEM??? Fuck it, I’m done with stuff at this job so. I’ll do them all. Why not

1. What is you middle name?

Gerard

2. How old are you?

20

3. When is your birthday?

June 20th

4. What is your zodiac sign?

Geminiii

5. What is your favorite color?

RED but i also love black

6. What’s your lucky number?

6!!! I like this question’s placement. 6 because Grimmjow but also because HAIL SATAN 666 AAAAAA

7. Do you have any pets?

I have a lil’ black pitbull named Trixie!!!

8. Where are you from?

Georgia the state

9. How tall are you?

5’3

10. What shoe size are you?

uhhh i actually do not know my size in men’s I think it’s like a 5??? Technically in women’s I’m a 7.5 but I tend to buy a half size up A. because doc martens doesn’t do half sizes and B. i dont really like for my shoes to be tight

11. How many pairs of shoes do you own?

... a lot. I have a shoe fetish ngl.

12. What was your last dream about?

I think I had a dream last night..? About Invader Zim maybe???

13. What talents do you have?

I CAN SING LIKE ANY TWENTY ONE PILOTS SONG, i can touch my tongue to my nose, I have a pretty decent Kermit the frog impression, and I have other weird flexes but I cant remember them rn because my memory sucks

14. Are you psychic in any way?

Idk, sometimes I can predict what song will play next but I think I’m just lucky.

15. Favorite song?

Hhh this is so hard to answer bc I wanna pick something metal but tbh... Holding On To You by Twenty One Pilots

16. Favorite movie?

Either Ferris Bueller’s Day Off or Spirit: Stallion of the Cimmaron (I know the whole movie by heart and all the songs)

17. Who would be your ideal partner?

HBNGFHBB,, i dont know I thirst after many celebrities and fictional characters and they’re all kind of different. I guess someone who won’t make me be someone I’m not. Obviously my lack of adult qualities probably isn’t endearing but idk, someone who’s willing to let me be a lil’ childish. I’d like someone who takes the reigns when it comes to adult stuff, I wanna be a stay at home dad and manage our place and kids or pets and stuff. I like kinda being left to my own devices. That will include me constantly wanting to be in ur space LOL

18. Do you want children?

YEAH... REALLY BADLY... but idk if I’ll ever get to have any bc I dont think anyone would want to date me and marry me and have them LMAO so I dont think I should be trying ever

19. Do you want a church wedding?

My ideal wedding is in a graveyard, on October 31st, at sundown, we are being married on an altar of black candles and jack-o-lanters, the autumn colours are flourishing, and I am carried out to the walkway down to the altar in a casket. Everyone is required to wear black except for our bestmen/bridesmaids and me or whoever I marry. If they aren’t dressed like it’s a funeral I’m kicking them out. Deadass. I want the gothest wedding imaginable.

20. Are you religious?

I do kinda believe in stuff but I’m not a fan of organized religion. I mean, I’m a fan as in, the aesthetic and idea of organized religion is majorly sexy, but i feel like religion is really personal and not a public thing for me. Also 666 hail sa-

21. Have you ever been to the hospital?

Nope!!! Never broken a bone or had any kind of emergency LOL

22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law?

ONCE I GOT PULLED OVER FOR ROLLING THRU A STOP SIGN AND I CRIED

23. Have you ever met any celebrities?

I’VE MET HOLLYWOOD UNDEAD TWICE!!! And I’ve met Norman Reedus too. I also went to school with Chandler Riggs (not to put my location on blast HDYDUFHDGDGDD) uhhh I can’t think of anyone else if I have I’d probAOH. Shannon whatever her name is from Stranger Things. She was at my last TØP concert and I asked her for a picture bc my friends were too shy to say anything but since idk her i didnt care LOL

24. Baths or showers?

I like both but I take showers more often

25. What color socks are you wearing?

One is The Scream by Edvard Munch and one is The Kiss by Gustav Klimt

26. Have you ever been famous?

Not like BIG famous but like, people in my school all knew me basically because I was always Doing Shit

27. Would you like to be a big celebrity?

Maybe??? Part of me doesnt want all my shit on blast but at the same time idgaf

28. What type of music do you like?

E... everything... i lean towards punk, pop punk, rock, metal, alternative and whatever but i will literally go from Hannah Montana to Dethklok to Twenty One Pilots to Ghost to Katy Perry don’t test me

29. Have you ever been skinny dipping?

NO and idk if i want to i dont like to be naked

30. How many pillows do you sleep with?

I have 7 but i usually have 8. I like a lot of pillows. I want more.

31. What position do you usually sleep in?

... ur asking an active sleeper that question. I don’t even know what position i wake up in.

32. How big is your house?

Normal sized I guess???

33. What do you typically have for breakfast?

I DONT EAT IT BECAUSE I DONT WAKE UP IN THE MORNING

34. Have you ever fired a gun?

I think my dad let me once when I was a kid but that’s because he’s a bad father

35. Have you ever tried archery?

YEAH i sucked at it but in my head i imagine being good at it lol

36. Favorite clean word?

Salutations, Shenanigans or Hold

37. Favorite swear word?

hmmm would go with your classic fuck but tbh i LOVE to lengthen it to motherfucker. Think in terms of most used though, God Damnit.

38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep?

Maybe two days?

39. Do you have any scars?

:/ I have a lot. Some are from me being dumb (the scar on my leg from melting tape) and some are from me being really dumb (scars on my wrist and arm and thigh) but I’m not ashamed of them, in fact I like scars and bruises. I just hate when people randomly ask about them in person (ie “omg what happened!?!?”) because it’s like... self harm scars are pretty obvious about what’s going on so when you ask like that... idk wtf to say.

40. Have you ever had a secret admirer?

PROBABLY??? But im oblivious.

41. Are you a good liar?

Hhjfguvghhh maybe sometimes??? I try not to lie though and i think its impossible bc im a gemini so there’s a little truth in everything I say

42. Are you a good judge of character?

NO IM STUPID

43. Can you do any other accents other than your own?

NOOOOOOO i can do Kermit the Frog and thats it

44. Do you have a strong accent?

I’m southern so yes

45. What is your favorite accent?

I LOVE YOU SWEDISH PEOPLE... also love irish accents but also i cant understand anything bc my ears are stupid

46. What is your personality type?

Rambunctious

47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing?

I have a $100 Ghost hoodie but I think my Big Boots were $148

48. Can you curl your tongue?

Yas

49. Are you an innie or an outie?

Inward belly buttons or perish

50. Left or right handed?

LEFT LEFT LEFT

51. Are you scared of spiders?

Hmhnghhhhnnnn depends, usually

52. Favorite food?

PASTAAA

53. Favorite foreign food?

I fucking LOVE udon

54. Are you a clean or messy person?

I am a messy person doing my absolute best to be clean

55. Most used phrased?

like ever? I start most sentences with “you know what i hate?” But mostly i tend to parrot memes. If I think something is funny I repeat it to myself over and over until it isn’t.

56. Most used word?

Probably “I” because I cant ever stop talking about my damn self

57. How long does it take for you to get ready?

... i dont wanna talk about it (a while)

58. Do you have much of an ego?

... I DONT WANNA TALK ABOUT IT (i simultaneuosly... hate myself but also think im the best)

59. Do you suck or bite lollipops?

SUCK WHO IS BITING THEM???

60. Do you talk to yourself?

SO FUCKING MUCH

61. Do you sing to yourself?

OBVIOUSLY

62. Are you a good singer?

... no but it doesnt stop me

63. Biggest Fear?

I HATE MIRRORS I HATE BATHROOM MIRRORS IN THE DARK THAT STUPID FUCKING CHANT I HATE IT I CANT SAY IT EVER ITS MY FEAR

64. Are you a gossip?

I dont want to be but I’m a gemini so it just HAPPENS

65. Best dramatic movie you’ve seen?

Man i dont even know just go watch Spirit Stallion of the Cimarron

66. Do you like long or short hair?

I prefer to have mine long but i kinda wanna cut it, i LOOOVE guys with long hair

67. Can you name all 50 states of America?

Oh definitely Not

68. Favorite school subject?

ART or biology

69. Extrovert or Introvert?

Introvert

70. Have you ever been scuba diving?

Nope!

71. What makes you nervous?

LOTS OF SHIT GOD BUT I HATE DOING A BAD JOB OR MAKING MISTAKES

72. Are you scared of the dark?

Sometimes, it just depends

73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes?

Hhhffudhdhhh only if I know I wont come off condescending

74. Are you ticklish?

YEAH BUT DONT TICKLE ME I KICKED MY CHUCKLEFUCK EX IN THE DICK ONCE FOR TICKLING ME, IT WAS AN ACCIDENT BUT U SHOULD STILL BE WARNED

75. Have you ever started a rumor?

Dont think so

76. Have you ever been in a position of authority?

Sometimes I told groups in school to just let me do all the work because I didn’t trust them with my grade.

77. Have you ever drank underage?

... like a few days ago but tbh alcohol is disgusting and i only wanna drink banana liquor or else i dont drink at all bc its gross

78. Have you ever done drugs?

I desperately wish i had more drugs in my life but i dont wanna come off as a crackhead

79. Who was your first real crush?

EITHER SPIDER-MAN OR YUGI MUTO

80. How many piercings do you have?

I WISH I HAD MY NIPPLE PIERCED SO BADLY... also if i HAD A DICK god nerf’d me I WOULD GET PIERCINGS UP MY DICK... also my (expensive) dream is to get like subdermal/metadermal? implants on my forehead and get devil horns

81. Can you roll your Rs?“

Yep

82. How fast can you type?

I type... so fast

83. How fast can you run?

Maybe kinda fast but not for long

84. What color is your hair?

Naturally its brown but the bottom half is bleached and one side is yellow and the other is green

85. What color is your eyes?

Bluuue

86. What are you allergic to?

FIRE ANT BITES AND AMOXICILLIN AND I HAVE HAD HORRIBLE EXPERIENCES WITH BOTH

87. Do you keep a journal?

Kind of??? I have a poetry journal and I write dreams down sometimes.

88. What do your parents do?

My mom does like marketing and my dad does carpet cleaning

89. Do you like your age?

No I wanted to die at 12 and I wanna die now. The difference is I didn’t think I’d live this long so now I have no idea what I’m doing.

90. What makes you angry?

FUCKING EVERYTHING IF YOU DATE ME OR BEFRIEND ME YOU NEED TO KNOW I WILL RAGE ABOUT ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING AND U CANNOT TELL ME TO CALM DOWN LEST I FOAM AT THE MOUTH

91. Do you like your own name?

YEAH I PICKED IT!!! But i also wanna change it but i kinda cant bc Johnny from HU called me Reimond and they all know me as Reimond. But also I wanna be Lucifer Slade Solo.

92. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they?

TOBIAS JEREMY AND EMELE CECILIA

93. Do you want a boy a girl for a child?

I’d be fine with either but tbh!!! Probably a boy.

94. What are you strengths?

HDHDUFHHH,, I NEVER TRULY GIVE UP I JUST GET ANGRIER. I’M INDEFATIGABLE

95. What are your weaknesses?

yelling. if you yell at me i will get upset. if im yelling its fine but if you yell i’ll cry. also roaches.

96. How did you get your name?

Well i consider Reimond the “masculine” version of my deadname!!! Technically there’s Racheal but it’d just get pronounced the same and I still have to correct people on Reimond (EVERYONE KEEPS THINKING IM SAYING RAYMAN) and Gerard is my middle name bc MCR, and I would love to change my last name lol.

97. Were your ancestors royalty?

Not that I know of

98. Do you have any scars?

U ASKED THIS ALREADY

99. Color of your bedspread?

I have Star Wars sheets with Kylo Ren and storm troopers! I also have Spider-Man sheets.

100. Color of your room?

It’s like painted like a beige colour but most of my stuff is dark lol