#i still love the difference with him and campion

[handfulofmuses]

Looking at all this from Vervain's perspective is so...man.

Because yeah sure, there was some animosity between him and Campion before, most of it due Vervain's pettiness but he wasn't obsessed with him until he saw Campion talking with the outsiders - that's when he is trying to prove that he is a traitor.

But he does not randomly point fingers. It's always when Campion did something. Heck, he made good points regarding his sudden appearance of the shining wires.

But then? He gets declared as deranged later, but turns out Campion was a spy after all. Of course he is going to laugh at his death because earlier in that episode people still thought he was insane.

And even as the truth is finally out that Campion is a traitor, the general just calls him a liar - Campion's name will be legend.

He is trying so hard to convince his chief that Campion was a traitor. I don't think it even has something to do with jealousy anymore, not after Vervain got a taste of his own medicine. This is about that he was right, that he got, in his eyes, judged unfairly.

But then later, Campion returns and the general falls for the same trick again. If I was in Vervain's shoes, then yeah, I would be incredibly frustrated with my boss as well. Vervain had to make a whole confession about him being a traitor, a coward, being weak but all it took was for Campion to be melodramatic and the general was like "haha mood. welcome back"

Dude doesn't even stick around. Just snarls and hops off. I felt that frustration.

[dvar-trek]

January Romance

hello friends i have not slowed down, and perhaps i have maybe even sped up. in the. shotgunning queer romance novels department.

i am mostly on a hockey kick lately. i know nothing about hockey. i have probably watched a grand total of 5 minutes of hockey in my life. i do not care about any sports at all. but i figured that if i can get invested in a sports movie without caring about the sports part (such as Hoosiers (1986) or A League of Their Own (1992)), i could get invested in a sports romance novel without caring about the sports part. and i was correct. thank fuck, bc i think i've read all of the historical romances that there are.

nothing i read this month was like. perfect. it's very hard to measure up to my KJ Charles faves. but there was still some good shit!

the best of:

Hockey Ever After Series (Winging It, Scoring Position, and Unrivaled by Ashlyn Kane and Morgan James- each book follows a different couple. the characters are so good and well fleshed-out, the team dynamics are fun, the plots are engaging, and the sex is hot. you really don't have to know anything about hockey (especially if you start with the 2022 edition of Winging It, which is definitely, definitely the correct choice), but also apparently their hockey shit is pretty accurate, which i always appreciate. overall, the complete package.

the rest of:

loved | liked | okay | didn't like

historical

 ●Undressing the Duke by Erica Ridley (a duke falls in love with his valet who is also his best friend. couldn't finish it. i know KJ Charles has me spoiled for historical accuracy, but i yelled 'WHAT!!!' so many times at so many things that i finally gave up. also it's just not very good in any of the other respects.)  ●The Campion Square series by Adella J Harris (three romances taking place in the same little neighborhood. the series is essentially just sweet and sedate and wholesome, and there is nothing wrong with it, but it did not make me feel a single emotion. the definition of 'okay'.)     ○Mr. Wilkins and the Lodger     ○Mr. Montague and the Pineapple     ○Mr. Jenkins and the Necklace  ●Best Laid Plaids by Ella Stainton (simply not that good, and not even in a fun way.)  ●Mr Warren's Profession by Sebastian Nothwell (clueless son of a wealthy baronet falls for an impoverished clerk. it's nothing special and requires so very much suspension of disbelief that it stops being fun.)  ●One Night in Hartswood by Emma Denny (it has its problems and isn't going to make the faves list, but is basically a lovely and heartfelt romance. two men who don't know each other's identities travel together through the winter. requires a normal-mid amount of suspension of disbelief.)

hockey

 ●Him series by Sarina Bowen and Elle Kennedy (guy falls in love with his straight best friend in high school and cuts him out of his life. they reconnect 4 years later for one last summer together. i loved 90% of the first book, but did not love the direction the authors take things. this series is a genre-wide favorite for tons of people though.)     ○Him     ○Us     ○Epic (novella)  ●On The Brink by Kate Willoughby (there's nothing fun wrong with it. it's just not good.)  ●Puckboys by Eden Finley and Saxon James (these are fine for what they are--just enough plot for hockey boys to have a lot of sex and fall in love, in that order. there are a ton more of these but i had no desire to keep going.)     ○Egotistical Puckboy     ○Irresponsible Puckboy  ●Light Up the Lamp by Kit Oliver (i cried my fucking eyes out. and then i listened to a bunch of songs that i knew would make it hit harder and i cried some more. the writing is... not that bad but also not that good. the premise destroyed me. childhood best friends who fall in love and then life takes them in different directions and they fuck it up so stupidly because they are nineteen years old. and then they go through life with this. chasm. where the love used to be. and then 15 years later they are forced to work together and they decide they will simply never speak of it even though they never resolved any of their shit and it is breaking them open. if you read this book you are contractually obligated to talk to me about it thanks!)     ○Biscuit in the Basket (epilogue novella)

other

 ●Hard Feelings by Ashlyn Kane and Morgan James (artist/graphic designer and software developer who can't stand each other are forced to work together, and they have a lot of hate sex about it. i do not think the authors know anything about design or coding. several parts of this book are cringe. it still had its moments that made my fucking chest hurt. possibly worth it just for that.)  ●The Rock Star's Guide to Getting Your Man by Ashlyn Kane (another one where a guy is in love with his straight childhood best friend. he goes back to his hometown 15 years later to hide from drama with his bandmates, and finds his former best friend still lives there. this one also made me cry, but mostly the dead dad parts. a little bit cheesy and awkward. some funny moments, and not, like, heavy, but also not exactly lighthearted. i appreciated the fact that most of the conflict was with the band and not with the love interest.)  ●The Inside Edge by Ashlyn Kane (tv cohosts who annoy each other and bicker on-screen -> casual sex -> fake dating -> real dating. just a delightful little bonbon of a romance. does go zero-to-i-love-you, which is a pet peeve, but you can't have everything in life.)  ●All the Right Notes by Dominic Lim (composer's dad asks him to come home and put on a charity performance, and to convince a former classmate, now a famous movie star, to perform in it. nice amount of focus on the asian family dynamics without being too heavy-handed. engaging story, and sweet, but clunky. it's a debut novel though, so i'm looking forward to seeing what else this author will put out in the future.)  ●Winter Ball by Amy Lane (i don't even know what to say about this book. i think it is from an alternate universe. the story and the dialogue both feel weirdly out of time, and the author uses phrases in the sex scenes that probably have never have never even been thought by another human. anyway it's about two best friends who discover their sexualities together, and decide to build a life together in spite of familial and societal disapproval.)  ●Iris Kelly Doesn't Date by Ashley Herring Blake (the third book in a series that unfortunately peaked at book 1. all of the things that were awkward about the first book have only become more pronounced as the series progresses. i gave this the old college try, but could not finish it.)  ●Date Me, Bryson Keller by Kevin van Whye (YA book wherein a popular boy agrees to pretend to date his gay classmate for a week. it is. not well-written, but it is basically a sweet story.)  ●The Best Men by Sarina Bowen and Lauren Blakely (this one just felt aggressively like a book by straight women for straight women. also they didn't do the anal research. also also they didn't research the jobs they gave their main characters.)  ●Top Secret by Elle Kennedy and Sarina Bowen (what if you were a straight guy in college and you were anonymously sexting another guy to set up the threesome your girlfriend requested. and then it turned out you were really into him. and then it also turned out he was the guy in your frat house that you hate. would that be fucked up hot or what. i will not lie to you, this book is kind of cringe. like one of the main characters insists approximately 500 times that he's only sexually experimenting because he's a scientist and it's scientific. but it's still fun and i still enjoyed it. there's also a bonus epilogue available.)  ●Heels Over Head by Elyse Springer (incredibly repressed olympic diver falls for his new teammate. full of heartache and shitty families and tenderness and choosing joy.)

[coffeeheartaddict2]

Who are you?

Book: Open Heart (Pre-series AU)

Pairings: Ethan Ramsey x Harper Emery, Ethan Ramsey F!OC Estelle Campion

Word count: 1205

Warnings: sexual content, language

Category: Angsty smut

Rating: Mature

Summary: Ethan reconnects with an old flame at an event for his book, for one night, upon his return to Edenbrook he takes things further with Harper, only to have things change on a dime.

Disclaimer: Some Characters belong to Pixelberry. Part of this story is based on the Addison Shepherd scene from Grey’s anatomy.

Authors note: this is another submission for the @choicesprompts rewrite event. This is based on the scene where Dr Addison Shepherd makes herself known and we find out Derek is married. There will be some differences.

😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮

November 2012 New York.

Dr Ethan Ramsey was exhausted. He had a successful launch of his book in Boston but now there was a tour. He was surprised at how well the book had been received. He had only being an attending for a relatively short time so he was expecting some blow back from that but it never came. He was about ready to leave the party when a familiar voice from his past said

“My my, some things do not change.”

“Estelle?”

He turns around and it is her. She had not changed since she graduated from Hopkins.

“Good to see you Ethan and congratulations on the book” she said giving him a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

“Good to see you Estelle, I must admit I am surprised to see you.”

“Why, I know we have not seen each other since Hopkins…”

“Well when we broke up, you were angry at me.”

“I was but I did feel you were letting your past dictate your future. I understood why but I was still annoyed.”

“And if I persisted and we did not work out?”

“Yeah I can see how you think that would be worse.”

“It did not help that you dated Tobias so soon after too. I did doubt if you did truly love me.”

Estelle winces, the memories of even more fights and what ensued with Tobias after flashed through her mind.

“That was purely rebound on my part.”

“And yet Tobias refused to believe that, he blamed me for you not loving him.”

“I did not mean for it to be messy.”

“I do regret some of what I said to you. Tobias’s actions were not your fault or mine.”

“I heard about the final year.”

A flash of anger flashes across his face. “He took the whole if I can not have it nor can you routine too far. Thankfully his behaviour did not cost me Edenbrook.”

“And look how well you flourished.”

“You have done well too.”

“Langdone is treating me well. Surprisingly.”

“I was surprised you went to New York given the proximity to some of the family members.”

“I know right but Langdone was what I wanted to do most.”

“I am happy for you Estelle. Truly”

“Me too Ethan.” Says Estelle as she puts her hand on Ethan’s.

Ethan smiles and they decide to go to the Hotel Ethan is staying at for a night cap. One drink turned into a couple and subtle hand touches turned into a yearning for something more. They got up and when they hugged they instead kissed.

“Did you want to come up to my room?”

Estelle kisses her answer. They catch the lift up, the trip up is mercifully quick and they make their way to his room.

The kisses by now are hot and heavy and once they are in the room Ethan slams the door shut and pushes Estelle against it. He unzips her dress and kisses his way down her body, laying waste to her bra, he lavished attention to her breasts. His hand moves to her centre and Estelle is drenched. She moans at the contact. Ethan makes his way down. He teases her and then he slowly runs his tongue around her swollen numb before entering.

“Fuck, how have you improved” moaned Estelle.

Ethan grunts his approval at that comment and that sent yet another pleasant sensation through her. Before long Ethan has her on the precipice. With a final flick of his tongue, Estelle falls screaming.

After she recovers she walks Ethan to the bed.

“This is only for tonight yeah?”

Ethan nods in agreement.

“Now that is sorted, how about we fuck each other into oblivion?”

Ethan kisses her hungrily. They enjoy multiple, euphoric rounds and both fall into a very blissful sleep.

Estelle wakes first, wondering if the night before was a dream but when she turns her head she sees Ethan there. She had always enjoyed sex with Ethan but last night was next level, maybe because it was for one night only. A part of her always wanted one last night with him before she graduated. Ethan stirred.

“Good morning” he says, his voice still laced with sleep.

“Thank you for last night.”

“It was fantastic wasn’t it.”

Estelle blushes. We may never work out romantically but at least we will have some much better memories to remember us by now.”

“I agree,” says Ethan as he gets up and puts on some pants. “I had always hoped we could be friends.”

Estelle smiled. “Me too. So despite last night, friends then.”

“Most definitely.”

They got dressed and had breakfast, thankful for the closure and new friendship.

The book tour ended and he was back in Boston. Work was busy but he was sure to make time for Dr Harper Emery. Neurosurgeon fellow. They had enjoyed a great friendship but both were apprehensive of taking that next step. Buoyed by the confidence of his encounter with Estelle he asked Harper on an official first date. It was a lovely night and they decided to be a couple. Things were great, their friendship creating a solid foundation for a romantic relationship.

About eight weeks after that encounter Estelle was at home, again exhausted. She had been more exhausted of late and now she was concerned. Concerned that her “one final night” with Ethan had consequences. She did the test. It was positive. She did not know what to do. They had agreed to be friends sure, but being pregnant. This was a game changer. She knew Ethan had a right to know but decided to wait a little bit.

Meanwhile things were going great between Harper and Ethan, even being public was enjoyable. Naveen was happy that Ethan had not closed himself off to a romantic relationship and he really liked Harper too. He was sure that they would be a long term item and that both of them would still go on to do great things with their careers.

A few weeks after doing the test and getting up the courage Estelle makes the trip to Boston. She was anxious. She kept an open mind, any choices at what was to happen. She felt it unfair to have no input from Ethan and he was the father, it seemed callous to not include him. So she made the journey to Boston and to Edenbrook to break the news.

Ethan was waiting in the Atrium. He had finished his shift a few hours ago but he stayed back, waiting for Harper. Harper made it down, she greeted Ethan with a kiss. They were about to walk out, arm in arm when Ethan heard his name. Ethan stopped and looked around. Then he saw Estelle.

“Who is this?” Asked Harper

“I am Dr Estelle Campion. A friend of Ethan’s.”

“Dr Harper Emery, Dr Ramsey’s girlfriend.”

Estelle was shocked and felt her resolve waiver, she did not want to hurt this woman or Ethan but her desire to allow Ethan sat in this matter won out.

“I am also carrying Dr Ramsey’s unborn child.” She said.

The colour drains from Ethan’s face. Whilst Harper looks on in shock.

———

Authors note:

Not even sorry for ending there but the scene I rewriting for the event ends on a cliffhanger so why not written form?

A note: most of you are aware that Hopkins girl in my world was very different with neither Ethan nor Tobias being friends with her. In this reality Estelle liked Ethan from the get go and was patient given how he was reluctant to enter a relationship. Tobias fell hard and was jealous of their relationship. They have. Discussion about Residency as Estelle is in the year above them. Ethan was not sure what he was feeling so when Estelle said I love you he could not say it back. Estelle was understanding but Ethan ended it, stating if they persisted then it would be messy. Estelle was upset. About a month later at a party Tobias shoots his hot and scores, Estelle was looking for nothing serious. Tobias seemed to accept it but wanted to change her mind which he was unsuccessful at. Estelle still spoke to Ethan and he was pissed that she was with Tobias but as time went on she ended it and was on better terms with Ethan. Tobias was ropable and blamed Ethan for the break up, even though the break up was because they both wanted different things. This caused a schism and the final year toxicity that marked the end of Ethan and Tobias. Estelle was not lying, she wanted to be friends with Ethan but kept away as she did not want to get caught up anymore in the drama that was them.

Tagging: @jerzwriter @jamespotterthefirst @genevievemd @liaromancewriter @potionsprefect @youlookappropriate @alj4890 @cariantha @trappedinfanfiction @bex-la-get @a-crepusculo @crazy-loca-blog @binny1985 @schnitzelbutterfingers @lucy-268

@choicesficwriterscreations @choicesprompts @openheartfanfics

[lepurcinus]

What do you think of the three watership down adaptations?

This is probably very unpopular or strange. But here I go (W VEEERY long text/rant)

The 78 movie: Ehmmmmmm how to say it, I like it but not that much????

The animation style and this one itself I love, very beautiful captures the natural environment very well and the designs of the rabbits are impeccable even though they can be somewhat similar at times. I even appreciate that each warren follows its own details and even each rabbit has a unique part.

On the other hand in terms of story...it is the most faithful adaptation and follows everything almost to the letter, failing due to lack of time and thus having to cut things out. And it shows. I don't feel any kind of depth or charisma for the characters like their written version, they are just there existing (Except Bigwig and maybe Fiver) and the important scenes that should identify them are no longer the same (Ahem Dandelion saying he will tell the story of his journey to the youngsters when we never see him narrate a single story). Also new characters that only exist to die and also don't give me any kind of impact and even ruin the other characters in passing (Violet/Blackavar). And yes I definitely hated with all my being the focus on scary, violent and so on. Look, the book also has its moments and the presence of death is constant, but here I just see rabbits bleeding gallons of blood and dying at every corner and bad rabbits just because, Watership Down isn't about that. The scenes concentrate on horror and not terror as it should be (they are different things). Although read I will give points on the setting for the scenes of Fiver and the black rabbit. Actually that more ethereal part was very good, the way the visions of him in the art were presented was amazing too, very intriguing.

I'm still reeling from the pain of having the lettuce story scene removed.

The 99 series: Passable, a middle ground.

Some additions are a bit weird but it follows the line well, changes like Blackberry's gender don't bother me and I'd say it's even exaggerated the hate they gave it at the time (Because surprise it's not violent like the woooh movie).

In other terms, let's say that certain things didn't fit me. The personalities of the characters while I appreciate that they aren't talking rocks like the movie it bothers me a bit that they feel so generic/stereotypical/one trick. More than anything I have this problem with Bigwig, I don't know if it's my problem but seriously his version here I don't like him I feel very annoying and bloody to an unbearable level. He's naggy but not in a fun and understandable way like in the book. Something like that happens to me with the others.

New characters like Hannah and Kehaar's treatment eh, I don't hate every minute of his presence but yeah, they are not my favorite. The idea of having Kehaar abandon his people in favor of the rabbits is kind of missing the point of his character? Then they kind of backtrack and decide to give him a mate to leave and then replace him with a baby voiced hawk.

Although I found characters like the Yona's, the mole or Bark to be likable and cute.

The third season is a hit or miss. The change of style is not too bad although some designs look ugly (On the other hand Woundwort and Campion look very badass like that). The implementation of magic as something straightforward and affecting the world it seemed ridiculous and unnecessary. They detract from the fact that the Watership Down rabbits won by their cunning and teamwork and that Woundwort fell by his own stubbornness. Here they brought out a mouse with powers taken from a wizard turtle to summon fucking death itself to take everyone down???? Seems like inle needs to be summoned to do his job lol. (And yeah, I didn't like his characterization here, especially that edgy voice with filters ugh).

Other more additions like the new warrens and the El-ahrairah stories I love them but i wish they would have delved into them more. I really wanted that chapter on Inle's story had been done. The concept of Darkhaven and its rabbits, although it seems to be taken from a Fanfic with ocs the truth I found it interesting and I liked several characters a lot (I love you Granite). Also this version includes my favorite characterization of Woundwort and Vervain (and Campion I understand why many like this version) they are not 100% villains and they have their background and seeing their rise and fall is worth it. Although I feel that outside of them and characters like Moss Efrafa contributed almost nothing, there were not all those characters that helped us to understand how life was there and there were only brute and aggressive rabbits without more, it all felt very wasted. And again Blackavar is used as a rag because apart from being half secondary then completely forget about him. Wanting to take advantage of a person

Wanting to take advantage of characters like Silverweed was good, the truth I liked him outside of his oc superpowers.

The overall art style is not bad but looking at the concept art I would have wished it would have stayed that way. I can't help but see them as colorful Wallabies instead of rabbits and other animals that don't even look like the species they are.

I could add more but these are the most important thing to say.

Netflix miniseries: Well, here we go. I'm sure some will already want to flame and crucify me for this, but fearlessly I'm going to say it's my favorite adaptation of the three.

And look I FULLY UNDERSTAND your annoyances (Except for the stupidity of complaining because it's less violent than the movie). I agree that the animation leaves a lot to be desired and that the bunny models could have been better (besides the pawpads and constant digitigrade posing). And yes, I can see why several changes in moments and characters don't generate the same impact as in the novel. I read the thousand and one reviews everywhere that talk about that and I've noticed it myself.

However, even with all that I dare to say that it is my favorite and I'll tell you why.

I really like to enjoy it as a different version of the story, it's a different vision and unlike their other adaptations here I can't force myself to understand it as a super watered down and flat version of the novel nor as an episodic series with new additions. It's a new form of Watership Down. Get my point?

Here I really see characters changing and with personality. While it's true that some are still driven by being somewhat repetitive like Hawkbit and Dandelion, but here I didn't feel them overly heavy-handed like in the TV series. They are fun to watch, they are charismatic.

I've seen several complaints about how Bigwig here is too aggressive and pedantic but personally I didn't feel him in that way?? I mean yes, he definitely lacks that softer, more sympathetic side but I think his character comes across well. And yes, I can see why one would be upset with him being treated more like a stupid strongman here instead of the strong but knowledgeable and analytical bunny.

Other characters. I see the annoyance with the more insecure Hazel and a bit Simp, on the other hand I like that he has a couple of flaws that evolve as he progresses. I certainly don't think it was done in the best way and I feel him still very emotional and driven to danger by his own lack of judgement, however the fact that Fiver is the one who complements him with being the one who backs him up and makes him understand is something I appreciate.

Fiver is actually my favorite characterization and I don't know if I would say the boldness of it made me love him much more here than even his literary version. He's neither a hypernervous anorexic bunny driven by trauma nor a calm possessed child. He is a balance, he is sympathetic, level-headed, intelligent, though he can be intimidated he is also not afraid to speak his mind and is true to his ideals and takes his views seriously but at the same time fearful because of how unfamiliar and perplexing they are, sometimes even leading to blame himself for not wanting to understand them if it allows him to help others. To me that's a good way to look at Fiver.

Added as doe Strawberry and Clover, let's see. Again the gender change I could care less about, Strawberry active cheerful and helpful I thought was great, she is very cute and cuddly. And her complement with Bigwig doesn't seem bad to me (some say it didn't make sense because they didn't interact but actually they did, she even defended him when they were arguing and come on even in the book the rabbits who are a couple at least even spoke to each other??).

Clover on the other hand, again the idea of her being a more active character I thought was great. Although the fact that they try to focus on her being a caged rabbit and her unfamiliarity with the wild is handled, I see the flaws in this as well. She gets used relatively quickly and even though it was precisely because of her naivety that she got into trouble it doesn't feel as much. About his romance with Hazel, look, I see it cute but I understand why some things get messed up. The fact that it has to be her instead of Fiver who ventures out to find Hazel after being hurt, because true love, was definitely an egregious change. They could have had Fiver go and Clover impatiently try to follow him only to get lost on the way and get captured instead.

Kehaar though definitely very grumpy and rude compared to his version who though defiant and brave is also helpful was a bit ehh. I still find him charismatic in his own way and his "rivalry" relationship with Bigwig I feel worked well considering.

What their personalities are like here.

Efrafa and does. Uffff how to say it, the change from being a super populated den due to its oppressive environment as a derivative of the desire to hide it as much as possible from man is lost. Here it is an oppressive and evil place because yes, Woundwort has his background but he is entirely corrupted and what he does he does out of sheer power and desire. It's not such a bad take but it still loses its depth, I would have liked to see that concept where Woundwort's brother was still alive and together they created it while he looks with sorrow at his brother's corruption, it would have been great.

Looking at it this way then, well it definitely captures that terrifying and oppressive aura very well, these rabbits do look powerful, terrifying and dominating. Vervain and especially Orchis looked great to me, most of all the latter. I have a thing for these charismatic and intelligent villains who know how to use words well instead of force to get what they want. Sainfoin and Campion were also good, in a way that they tried to go with a similar path to the TV series with the latter I saw it great, more in this context. Also we see something more about Efrafa's life and although the idea of Bigwig being presented as a narrator instead of a member of Owsla was somewhat rare, the more I appreciated his interactions with the other characters watching him with intrigue, training him and interacting with him as comrades in storytelling.

About Hyzen and the does. Again in this context they work. They are in a really horrible place with thousands of horrible eyes on them. Even with that Hyzen and the others are still girls trying to overcome whatever happens to them, she still wants the best for her teammates even if it leads her to be much more distrustful and bring her to the brink of breakdown. I wish her ability to be like Fiver had also been added but I still like her.

Also I appreciate finally having Thethuthinnang and Nettle's involvement as a Nelthilta equivalent, maybe I would have wanted Vilthuril to also be part of the group to equally give her a role and then her bonding with Fiver. How Thet wants to be that force of encouragement for everyone with his songs is a beautiful thing to me. And Nettle's betrayal as an attempt to want to do his best without knowing the damage it meant was very painful.

And yes, Holly's involvement and her relationship with Hyzen seemed appropriate to me. Despite this Holly lacking a lot of the veteran side and knew his original counterpart, I saw him as nice collaborative and challenging and how in a way his mistake in not listening to Fiver made him pay and reflect on being better to then tell Campion great!!!. Others say it's kind of weird but consider that all along Hyzen and Holly interacted and knew each other in Efrafa as well as being a link for her to trust Bigwig. Although their interaction was little it's actually a possible scenario to see. Then he sacrifices himself and mourns his death, gosh, I prefer that over Blackavar's unnecessary and weightless death in the movie. This one at least does have weight and reason.

Plus they finally make Blackavar justified, I love him so much here as a wise old veteran but hurting, capable of being tough. He really participates in the story! And I loved his role along with his line "your plan doesn't make sense but if you pull it off and we remember it I want to be able to say I was part of it" (It wasn't like that as is but you know what it is.).

And lastly, I really missed the lack of stories. Despite being told secondarily, I would have liked to hear this version of Inle's story. And speaking of which, love this version of her, so serene, good and kind but at the same time mysterious and creepy. My favorite without a doubt.

Anyway, here's all my chatter, there would be more but I've already overdone it. Answer me what you want about this and argue, even if there are new points that I'm happy to hear my general opinion will remain the same :P

[wolperkinger]

#anyway love that the Owsla here apparently find joy in telling stories #it puts them into a different light because they still have somewhat animality as Holly would put it

@handfulofmuses

no but this is legitimately one of my favourite aspects of the miniseries. how they portray the owsla

you've got holly who calls out campion for looking away during the marking process, leading to the exchange between them:

holly: don't avert your eyes, captain. you're party to this campion: i'm following orders. that's what soldiers do holly: take it from me. what makes a good soldier is not always what makes a good rabbit

later, once bigwig escapes with hyzenthlay and the does, campion says that holly was a good sort, and sainfoin talks about how they should just let the does go without chasing them. it's only orchis who wants any form of revenge

sainfoin: why are we even chasing down a bunch of outsiders and does that never causes us any harm in the first place? campion: it's a good question. the one rabbit holly actually seemed like a decent sort orchis: holly was responsible for the death of my brother, campion. remember that before you run your furry mouth campion: and i'm your rank equal in this warren, captain orchis, so, remember that before you run yours sainfoin: it's not even about the outsiders. we... we all know why we're here. it's woundwort

then there's the meeting woundwort has with all the officers afterwards:

sainfoin: i feel like, by sending us to search for the outsiders, we're risking lives

he's making a completely valid point then:

woundwort: if you expire serving this warren, you should consider yourself fortunate to have the glory of such a death!

the other officers all look afraid at how woundwort approaches sainfoin (even orchis shirks as the general talks in his direction)

then there's the interaction between hazel and woundwort:

hazel: if we start a new warren in the belt of woods halfway between our two homes, we could share resources. rabbits have enough enemies without fighting between us. you'd be seen as a leader of vision. you'd be seen as a leader of genius campion: it, er, might be worth considering, sir

and let's not forget how campion orders his bucks to not kill. how he shakes his head at holly's death

the soldier line is called back later with campion refusing to go into the watership down warren. it's clear that holly's words and actions had a massive impact on him:

woundwort: campion, prepare to follow me in, but not too close, in case we're ambushed campion: i will not! woundwort: you dare disobey me? what kind of a soldier are you? campion: i'd rather be a good rabbit than a good soldier, sir

woundwort orders orchis to kill campion and orchis orders campion's bucks to join him, but campion threatens him with his superior strength. what happens next? campion leaves. and his bucks follow him. not orchis. some leave immediately while others wait until campion himself does

and you've got sainfoin, who is constantly undermining woundwort's plan of attack here, to the point that he eventually deserts as well

the owsla are eager to follow woundwort in efrafa because they're in comfy positions of power. it's when woundwort starts taking the fight to watership down that they start to completely lose faith. because it's pointless. they know it

having a mark of does leave doesn't actually effect efrafa all that negatively. it's just woundwort's personal grudge, that's what they're risking their lives for. and they realise the pointlessness of it

[chocoblep]

#2: Driven By Duty, Bound By Oath

“Do you think Mother would be looking down on us right now with a smile?”

The two Viera women who sat side-by-side in the topmost branches of the trees that towered over their village looked quite similar: Both had green hair in trailing braids and gold eyes. Both were somewhat pale-skinned, for Rava. Their markings were different colors and shapes, but the angles of their faces were the same. If one did not know them, they might assume them twins, despite them being a decade and a half apart in age.

“I think so,” the younger of the two said, smiling up at the winking stars. The moons hung placidly against the dark backdrop, casting a serene white light upon them. “You and I have finally set aside our differences. She got to meet many of her grandchildren. I even had one.” The smirk the younger Viera gave had the older laughing. “Granted, the means were unconventional…”

“Our Schala, ever roaming. It was only a matter of time before one got a hold of you. You are lucky you are still alive.”

“Shjr!” The younger Viera hissed the name, as if doing so might force the other into silence.

“What? I’m sure Xjnn is lovely if you keep going back to him.” Shjr smirked, but after a moment there was a wistful sigh. “What is it like, traveling by yourself? Meeting a Warder? Falling in love?”

“It is not like that,” Schala said softly. “He nearly killed me when we met. If I had not saved his mentor he might have. He is strong. Only one of two Warders that have bested me in single combat.”

“Oh? Who is the other?” Shjr asked, leaning in toward Schala with a look of intense interest. “Do you often fight Warders?”

“Ah–his name is Campion. A soul that never should have been thrust into a solitary life.” Schala smiled fondly. “He craves connection. I am welcome in his territory, but I have not been there in quite some time. Every time I visit him, though, we will have a contest. Sometimes it is racing through the trees. Sometimes it is a spar. I should visit him again.”

“And what of Xjnn? Why choose him to sire your children?”

Schala rubbed at her arm. “He is strong. Vicious. But he made a mistake. He does not come to the village because he is bound to his territory in ways that prevent him from leaving. I think he would die if he crossed the boundary.”

Shjr’s face contorted into a look of sympathy. “I have heard stories of ancient ruins–holy places–that bind their guardians to them.”

“It is something like that, yes,” Schala replied, and then smiled. “I started passing him information a long time ago; the usual things, like the state of the village, how many jacks had emerged in the season, where they were training. He wanted an apprentice after his mentor died, but he could not come back to claim one.”

“Ah, so that is why you attempted to sneak one of the jacks out of the village some time ago.”

“We must defend our home,” Schala replied. “I thought that, as Mother wished for grandchildren from me, and Xjnn needed a jack to train, I might be able to…”

“Bear him a child that you could take to him without being questioned.”

“Yes. That I would know before any others, and could bring him to Xjnn under the pretense of taking him hunting with me. If a Warder took him while we were gone, well… that would not be entirely frowned upon, as he would need to leave anyway.” There was a frown on Schala’s face. “But then Mjste turned out to be a doe.”

“Will you have another, then?” Shjr asked. “I think it’s admirable that your dedication to seeing the Wood protected extends this far. I had thought you did not care.”

A scoff met Shjr’s admission, and Schala leaned over just a bit to touch her shoulder to her sister’s. “I may be unsuited to village life, but that does not mean I care about our home any less. If anything, I have grown to appreciate it more.” She paused, then, a thoughtful look on her face. “I will have more, until he is provided with an apprentice.”

Shjr smiled, bringing her arm around Schala’s shoulders and looking up at the moons. “Then I will help you sneak him out when it is time… unless you have all does, in which case we will have to find an alternate path.”

We? “You are willing to help me?” Schala couldn’t help the note of surprise in her voice.

“Yes,” Shjr answered. “But are you sure you wish to give him his own child?”

“I will not participate in the village’s spring rituals. He and I have reached an understanding. To withstand the dangers of his territory, the jack must be strong. He wants me to be the child’s mother, and he is stronger than most I have met. He and I together will produce stronger offspring.”

“And I am sure love has nothing to do with it,” Shjr teased, giving Schala a squeeze. The younger sister felt her cheeks burn.

“No. If love is involved, it is a love for our home; it is not our way to love Warders.” The words were almost sullen, and Schala picked at a leaf near her thigh. “And it would have been a different Warder, anyway.”

“Schala…” Shjr sighed. She sounded like their mother, disappointed.

“I said that it is not our way.”

“I know. But the heart does not listen to the head.” Shjr paused, and then slipped her arm from around her sister’s shoulders. “Make me a promise. Promise me that you will not run away with a Warder. Promise me that you will not upset the balance of the Wood, and sentence yourself to death.”

“I…” Schala let her feet move a bit as they dangled, finally sighing. “I have already upset the balance by seeing them in the first place. But… I promise. I will not stop my visits, but nor will I grow close enough to any of them to let that temptation in.”

Shjr ducked below the canopy, reaching up to tug on Schala’s ankle in a motion meant to urge her to follow. Schala did so, and they stopped midway down the tree. Shjr pulled out her knife and pried up a small section of bark from the trunk of the massive tree, leaving the smooth surface beneath it bare. Then she carved a symbol there before turning the knife on her own hand. A small slit, a welling of blood, and she pressed it to the symbol.

“A blood oath,” Schala breathed.

“One I promise to you and the Wood. I will help you secure the future of the Wood with your Warder.” Shjr pulled her hand away and pulled her sash from her waist, wrapping it around her palm. Then she wiped her knife on the trailing end of the cloth and handed it to Schala.

Schala hesitated. She didn’t know why, but her heartbeat sped and something inside her shifted, as if feeling keenly the loss that she was about to inflict upon herself. Steeling her resolve, she drew the knife along her palm and pressed her own hand to the sigil.

“For as long as I am part of the Wood, I will not upset its balance by getting too close to a Warder,” she recited, and then took her own sash and wrapped her palm tightly. She thought of Campion and their friendly contests of skill. She thought of Xjnn and the duty she’d promised to fulfill to secure the future of his territory.

And she thought of the love of family, and her love for the Wood.

[bluesandboos]

HI THAT ANON WAS ME i have no idea why i sent it on anon actually 😭

I LOVE the long posts so this will probably be long as well <3 waking up to muchachos sounds like the best thing ever omg DONT APOLOGIZE FOR YOUR SCREAMING I WAS DOING THE SAME AT HOME OMG i kept seeing videos of people at those screens, i cant imagine what it was like to actually be there 😭 the baby in front of you sleeping through the whole thing 😭❤️

i have no memories period of di maria's goal i was literally floating my way through that match and i will NEVER sit through it fully again (except certain parts obv)

that song's this one! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YTnRlJTusME it's prob my favorite tbh it's just so catchy!!

I literally don't remember that save either, everyone was talking about it afterwards but my hands were literally still shaking from the match in general, i saw it on instagram. i don't even remember most of the shootout but SOMOS TODOS MONTIEL I DIDNT EVEN KNOW WHAT IT MEANT AND IT STILL GAVE ME CHILLS THE FIRST TIME I HEARD IT

going to gardens and getting only honking sounds about right and a very specific, but no less valid vibe of its own 👍 literally every time i see pictures or videos of the celebrations, even now, i am in actual awe over the amount of people that turned out and celebrated (obviously lol) before the parade even and even more during it!! someone told me the dibu burger is actually super good, im genuinely dying to try it it looks great 😭 that image is so funny though, argentina won the wc and people are lining up to buy the dibu's burger as they should!! the store owners were either worried about crowds or they shut down to go celebrate themselves lbr 💀

the newspaper!!! gloria eterna thats beautiful stuff!!!! and the goat chips omg, pls dont apologize i am loving the visual aspect of this i've been watching celebration videos non-stop bc i watched so many after they won that its all my instagram recommendations show me anymore. https://mobile.twitter.com/PLF_2008/status/1606926273833467905 this is my favorite <3

i'm so glad you had fun it seems like such a surreal experience and thank you so much for these answers and videos!!!!❤️

OMG HI HI HI thank you for enjoying my rambles <3333 it was so nice to go through it all again, ugh i miss it so much

the baby was built different. i KNOW he's gonna hear it when he gets older about how he fell asleep during the 2022 wc final when argentina became campion del mundo. literally the greatest match of all time and he knocked.

di maria's goal, once i re-watched the highlights and actually registered what was happening, is literally the sexiest thing i've ever seen. the loss of possession, the build up, the quick passes. A TEAM GOAL FR. but whenever i re-watch highlights i can only watch argentina's goals. i have to fast-forward through the penalties that france gets and mbappe's goal; it upsets me too much lmao

also after di maria's goal, people were chanting his name and the camera's were showing how he was crying after he scored and i was just so happy for him <333 also afterwards, I read this article (https://www.theplayerstribune.com/articles/angel-di-maria-argentina-english) and it just made me even more happy that he got a goal in a wc final + won the wc.

ole ole ola is a BANGER omg argentines only coming up with bangers confirmed ty for the link :))

i ended up getting a dibu burger at the airport!!! 10/10 would eat again, my man dibu only comes out with quality content, on and off the pitch.

ppl were wasted af lmao one drunk man came up to my dad (who does not speak a lick of spanish) and was literally in tears trying to hug him and my dad was just like "sir, it's okay, you won, it's okay" (in english, mind you)

for real though, i legit think about how lucky i was to be there and experience it all every single day. and i get a nice reminder every day because my social media is ALSO ALL FOOTBALL now. my tiktok for you page still shows me edits ("the little boy from rosario" lives rent free in my head) and i obviously have to watch every time. although i can't re-watch the 120' minute save because it literally gives me anxiety that it's going to go in this time (even though it's literally over).

that tweet omg :))) im just so happy not only for the players but for the PEOPLE, the way that they loved that team and suffered through all the finals and losses. no one else deserved it more. i love seeing the abuelas dancing in the street and the songs about them- makes me so happy :)

it was so surreal. top memory of life. thank you again for asking and sitting through my rambles and content dump <3

[leqclerc]

What hurts the most is that in Austria, when Charles managed a broken throttle to the checkered flag and won despite Verstappen hunting him down, Binotto told him via radio: "Hai fatto la differenza che fa un campione" aka "You made the difference a champion makes".

He KNOWS, like everyone else, that Charles is wdc material. But he won't commit to it and at this point it feels like he's filling Charles's head with dreams and promises, calling him champion and telling him he did a good job in the sprint (while he said nothing to CS), just to keep him at Ferrari, because otherwise he would have joined another team by now.

Charles was offered a contract by Merc and RB during his rookie year (I mean that's insane, all the top teams offering a rookie a contract). RB made him a new offer last year. In 2019, Marko said he's the biggest talent without a RB contract. After Austria, Wolff said any team would want a Charles Leclerc and in the past he said Charles is wdc material.

Everyone and their mothers is telling/suggesting/hinting at Charles that he should change teams. So of course Binotto is scared. But instead of committing to helping Charles, he uses empty words to keep him compliant.

Charles is so loyal to Ferrari because they raised him. Binotto can play all the games he wants with him and Charles won't leave. CS has no loyalty whatsoever and defies orders left right and center. And he gets away with it thanks to his sponsors worth billions of dollars.

Exactly!! 👏🏻 No because I love this ask, you put my thoughts into words so well. That’s exactly it.

It’s why I’ve always disliked Binotto. He just seems incredibly disingenuous. One hand he’s been praising Charles and promising him greatness for years now—I mean, the promise of 2022 was largely what got Charles through the disappointment of the past two seasons. He always spoke about wanting to “help bring Ferrari back to the top where they belong” and was fully committed to the team. Yet Binotto can’t afford to fully commit to him. You’re absolutely correct, “empty words” and largely empty gestures are unfortunately his modus operandi. On one hand he wants to project this image of a chill, laidback, almost paternal TP who has such a good relationship with his drivers, but on the other that falls completely flat when he backpedals on his public statements, doggedly defends poor strategic moves, and has no qualms about throwing his drivers under the bus. I’m so glad the cameras caught that damn finger wagging moment and he was later pressed to explain himself (not that his explanations seem believable.) Like, maybe it won’t change much but seeing him actually face scrutiny for that was gratifying. He’s really not as smooth or clever as he believes himself to be and the faster that notion is dispelled the better.

I’m using him as an example because for all intents and purposes he’s the public face of Ferrari and also because we don’t know how high this goes. If it’s a decision coming from the very top and Binotto’s merely executing orders “on the ground” so to speak, or if this is largely his own initiative. Which…the first option would be incredibly concerning if true. If this is largely Binotto’s doing then there’s at least a chance he’ll eventually be removed from his position.

Anyway, like you said, the sad part is Binotto doesn’t even need to do that. Charles is still committed to this team, even when they let him down. Which is what makes the whole thing that bit more tragic: CS acts recklessly and often selfishly because Ferrari, for all their history and glory, is really just another career stepping stone for him. He’s a product of the RB academy, had short stints with Renault and McLaren to “remake” himself after those ties were severed, and as far as I can remember, he never really expressed any real desire to join Ferrari specifically until the opportunity came knocking on his door. (It still amuses me, though, that one of his biggest “selling points” was the fact that he’s allegedly a team player. Well…) For Charles these are people he, in a way, grew up with. I mean, if he was brought around as an FDA driver to learn the ropes then he’s probably known at least some of these engineers and mechanics and other personnel for years now. Then there’s also the more personal motivation; fulfilling his dream and honouring Jules’s legacy. It’s so much more than just a team to him and it’s incredibly twisted to see that used almost against him in a way.

Everyone knows Charles is champion material, but the question is, how do you turn potential into fact? He’s been doing everything he can this year, but it’s not a solo sport, and the team and car still make a huge difference. He can’t try to fend off both Red Bulls and deal with an internal team crisis at the same time, that’s just not conducive to winning titles. It’s like the foundations they established in the last few years have been shaken. It’s just sad that they clung to him in their poor seasons, but when things finally come together, when he needs them to rally around him the most, they’re nowhere.

[sevilemar]

do you know of any singleplayer snake secondaries in tv movies etc? most snake secondaries in media are multiplayer so its harder for me to relate lol

Another referral from @wisteria-lodge which I was stuck on for a while. How do you identify singleplayer snake secs, when media is all about people interacting with each other? The only one I could come up with potentially was MacGyver, because his improvisational problem solving is the stuff of legends. But I have never seen any episode of the original or the 2016 remake, so I have no idea if he truly is a snake or more of a rapid fire bird, and/or if he uses multiplayer or not.

Then @wyrdnis asked me why a snake sec, even an antisocial one, wouldn't try to use multiplayer at least once to get out of a tight spot. People are the best resource, after all, and for an improvisational and circumventing secondary it makes sense to try to use them (i.e. talking their way out) at least once. So this became a collaboration, and we shifted our focus to snake secondaries in media who occasionally use multiplayer, but who do not rely on it too much, or where the focus of the narrative lies elsewhere.

Amos Burton from The Expanse (@wyrdnis in their own words): Amos isn’t a typical snake secondary. He has a strong tendency for choosing the violent option in most situations, because he knows it works, and sometimes because he can’t control himself. His pragmatism is stronger than the need to try out different methods, and he’s in neutral state most of the time anyway. Even though, as an improvisational secondary, he’s very good at making split second decisions, he often defaults those to his friend Naomi, whom he trusts to keep him in check if he loses his temper. So his secondary is probably a bit burnt, which makes sense, since he has had to deal with a lot of childhood trauma. It still shines through, though, whenever he manages to circumvent a directly violent solution. When he offers Miller (whose friend he’s killed shortly before this) a truce at the start of season 2, he’s so gleeful when it works out. It’s neither the direct way nor the violence that he craves; it’s all about the outcome for him, which I’ve found to be a very snake sec trait. Amos, like many snake secondaries we find in media, is the epitome of the survivor. So far he hasn’t been safe enough over the course of the series (I haven’t seen season 5 yet) to feel free to experiment with different behaviors, but I feel like he would love it.

Alec Campion in Ellen Kushner's Swordspoint/Privilege of the Sword (my pick): He has a multiplayer he keeps in neutral, but the narrative focuses on what he does, not what he says. He picks fights with people he wants to kill, and let's Richard duel them to the death. Or he stabs someone with a handy nymph, "eclectically but conclusively". He gets his disgraced math genius friend who doesn't want his help a cushy job as a professor by sponsoring a new seat at the university, attached to very specific criteria only she can fulfill. He is defined by the whimsical, playful side of our secondary.

John Constantine from the DC comics and the TV shows (@wyrdnis): John is a trickster, so he absolutely uses his snake sec in multiplayer and is excellent at it. He’s a good liar, and he has no qualms about using that to get what he wants. But he isn’t a charmer, and a lot of the time he tries to keep his distance from people and work it alone. His magic is a combination of learned patterns (a bird model he uses) and his own improvisational twist, like all the best magic is. At least in the TV incarnation, there’s always a performance aspect to it, but it’s not necessarily a direct interaction with an audience (though it can be). It’s just that John wants to shape the way he is perceived, because it gives him agency. If he is the performance, nobody can catch the real him, ever.

Adam Parrish in Maggie Stiefvater's Raven Cycle (me): We see Adam adjusting and thriving in two worlds that are very different from each other, and from his trailor park background: Aglionby Academy in all its preppy glory, and later Cambridge. He succesfully keeps his abusive father and the jobs he works to pay for tuition even from his friends, and he deals with new situations as they come. Especially when he does his thing with the cards, there is a lot of cold-reading an situational analysis involved, but he is not the charmer of the group. That is Gansey's role. Adam is shy and introverted, and hates it when too much attention is paid to him.

Lara Croft from the original Tomb Raider games (she was chosen by @wyrdnis friend who is a gamer): Lara has to use a variety of different methods to succeed; just charging at the enemy does not work. So she circumvents, goes around, finds different solutions. Using her multiplayer is just one strategy of many. And because her job is very unpredictable, she cannot plan for everything, so she has to adapt quickly and think on her feet.

Other suggestions include Riddick from The Chronicles of Riddick franchise, Rambo in the first three movies, and Jane from The Walking Dead 2 (game). We have found a lot of non-charming and lone wolf type snake secondaries in action or horror movies, because let's face it, we are the ultimate survivors. Snake secs can still thrive where others break, thanks to our fluid nature.

That's probably not very relatable either, nonny, because these kind of movies deal in extremes, not reality. We tried, we really did. It's fiendishly difficult, though. Anyone who has another idea where to look, please, chip in! Maybe we have forgotten something or someone obvious?

[constantvigilante]

Got tagged by @scarvenartist to give my top ten male characters! :) Thank you!

Clint Barton Hawkeye! Barely functional hot mess of a man held together with bandaids, somehow holding his own among Earth’s mightiest heroes. MCU Clint is great too, but the Fraction comics? Amazing.

Rincewind the Wizzard from Discworld. Failure at both magic and spelling, but you’ll never beat him in a foot race. The first coward protagonist I ever met, and he makes it sound so practical while still partaking in some definite (grudging) heroism.

Bertie Wooster. Delightful idiot son. Good hearted and barely-spined. Wonderful-terrible taste in clothing. I crave a modern remake.

Donald Duck. Fury personified (duckified?) I love his rage. His incompetence in the simplest tasks. In the new DuckTales, I love his parenting. His inability to hold down a job but insistence on doing what’s right for his boys. Best uncle ❤️❤️❤️

Rory Williams from Doctor Who. Just a good, good man. So steadfast. Amazing husband. Beautiful and worthy.

Howell Jenkins from Howl's Moving Castle! I read the book in college while I was taking Welsh so That Reveal about knocked me over. Welsh rugby playing wizard is the best version always.

Lord Peter Wimsey. Deeply devoted and passionate, highly intelligent and literate, only flaw is he’s too good at too much.

Albert Campion, for the times I want a Golden Era gentleman detective who's a little less perfect, more mysterious, and more restrained. (Until the amnesia anyway)

Young Hawkes, the vicar from Emma M Lion. Incredibly sympathetic and somewhat uncanny. I love his association with the Reprobates, his friendship with Emma, Islington and Pierce. I love his "sermons" even when they're not just poetry. I love that he always seems to know what's going on with Emma, and not only when Cousin Archibald confesses her sins. I love how he responds to everything. I'm dying to know more about his past. Anything, really.

Schmidt from New Girl. All the men in this show are incredible and different and weird. But Schmidt might be the funniest character I've ever seen. There is a lot to dislike about him but even early on he's clearly more than his first impression and running gags. He changes so much! He's such a weirdo! He's the Worst but has such an incredible proposal.

I think a lot of people have already done this - @melliabee , have you? If not, tagging you - and I haven't forgotten the other thing you tagged me on. :)

Anyone else is welcome to do it as well! I never know who to tag.

[handfulofmuses]

One of the reasons why I love Watership Down so much is because of how it portrays trauma, fear and pain. Because it’s not always about being terrified or crying with despair. All these emotions have their ugly sides.

And every rabbit shows it in different ways.

Woundwort had his parents killed and later was captured, put in a cage. That is not something the netflix series and tv series randomly pulled out of their sleeve, it was already like that in the book.

Pipkin mentions it himself - all these terrible things Woundwort does, it’s because of his fear. Of humans and predators. Like Pipkin said, he was hurt and it made him hate the whole world. Even in season three, character development doesn’t have to mean changing for the better. Sometimes you change for the worst. He tried to stop the war, it failed, his warren ended up in ruins. So he thought destruction was his legacy.

And he is still afraid. Note that Spartina asks why Woundwort is so afraid of Hazel.

Even in the Netflix series, he claims he is not afraid. But his words contradict his actions, as I said before and that’s why Netflix Woundwort has grown on me. I just love when a characters words contradict their actions!

Hyzenthlay was suspicious, distant and cold towards new rabbits out of fear they could be a spy. She didn’t trust anybody that was not part of her family and she did make sure Clover was ostracized from the rest of the group.

Nelthilta, in her own way, is scared too. Yes, Hyzenthlay says she views everything as a game and the fact that she drops hints to their escape proves that. But Nelthilta also says it herself - the presence of officers overwhelms her. She’s excited to let everyone know she is friends with rebels because they might be stronger in numbers. Her cheeky behavior feels almost as if she hides her fear behind sass.

Nettle became a spy for Orchis out of fear the does would get hurt. It’s obvious she is upset over it, that she actually wants to escape as well. But we see the metaphorical chains Orchis has on her so she cannot stop. Heck, she tells him: “We are going to break out west side of the warren” not “they”. She doesn’t exclude herself from it. And she apologizes to Hyzenthlay - while still lying in the same breath.

Orchis became so blinded with rage for Hyzenthlay and the others after the death of his brother that he stuck with his General until the end - and he would lash out if someone would say something nice about the outsiders. He becomes more unhinged as it goes on.

Vervain would have done everything for his general. You can see how he has a majority of Woundwort’s bad traits. His fear causes him to abuse his power because the punishment of failing scares him. His rank goes to his head because the way Vervain treats his Owsla is exactly how Woundwort treats him and others all the time. He takes his own frustration out on them. His fear is what caused him to rejoin Woundwort as a survival tactic.

Campion became withdrawn from everyone and even downright depressed in season three to a point where he would have prefered to stay dead.

Blackavar‘s whole mental condition in the book is so bad, I don’t even know where to start. He’s with different rabbits now and his advice doesn’t get taken, so he just forgets about it like his opinion never mattered.

Bluebell was hiding behind jokes as a coping mechanism, to get himself and Holly going. Telling his story as the only survivor from underground is the only serious moment he has.

Hawkbit’s snark moments are almost always because he is afraid of the unknown and because he is stressed - it’s the whole reason he keeps lashing out at Fiver. His visions are cryptic.

Pipkin, no matter what he goes through, remains full with kindness. He is good at talking to people, he is good at getting them to open up. But he never extends that kindness to himself. His issues usually fester and then he just blurts them out, something that becomes even worse when Campion makes him promise not to tell everyone he is alive.

“I did everything wrong,” he says when the promise is broken.

Pipkin is kind and forgiving towards others, but generally has a tendency to ignore his own issues and will be unnecessary harsh at himself for it. He would rather help others feel better. Even when he is angry when the war is over and everyone snaps at each other because the warren is filled, he runs off to cool down somewhere.

When he is upset, he deals with it on his own. He will answer when someone asks about it but generally never approaches first.

Blackberry's grief over losing Campion causes her to snap at others.

[starry-sky-stuff]

2, 5, 10, 50

Number 5:

Duke of Sin by Elizabeth Hoyt - Such an entertaining book, mainly because the hero is basically an unhinged Shakespearean like villain. And the heroine is his housekeeper who takes no shit and they're working against each other for most of the novel.

Emma/Ash (The Duchess Deal by Tessa Dare) - Another self-arranged marriage of convenience. I love how their relationship develops and they're both absolutely delightful together and as individuals.

Hyacinth Bridgerton (It’s In His Kiss by Julia Quinn) - I'm actually thinking she should be a bit lower of the list, but she's definitely my second favourite Bridgerton heroine. She's just such fun and I love how she just wants in on a treasure hunt.

Tristan Ballentine (A Rogue of One’s Own by Evie Dunmore) - He was the hero of the first historical romance I ever read and probably informed my love of rakes. Plus, he's another Snake/Bird with a Snake Secondary model.

Number 10:

A Lady’s Guide to Misconduct by Meredith Duran - I'm not usually a fan of amnesia plotlines, but I think it was done very well here. And I loved the focus on politics and all the historical detail. Also, I love how it didn't fall into the 'you have to forgive your family' trap and how Jane calls out Crispin's shitty family.

Francesca/Michael (When He Was Wicked by Julia Quinn) - Love the yearning and the fact there's an actual emotional conflict keeping them apart (yeah I can understand why Francesca feels conflicted about being with her dead husband's cousin/best friend). Also, Michael's pining is just great.

Minerva Montrose (Confessions From an Arranged Marriage by Miranda Neville) - I love how she's openly ambitious and wants to be involved in politics. Also, she's definitely an accurate depiction of an 18/19 year old. The fervent belief in her own invulnerability and complete faith in the correctness of her own opinions in a way only a teenager can be.

Crispin Burke (A Lady’s Guide to Misconduct) - He has an amazing character arc. He starts off very morally ambiguous, if not outright villain. Then he gets jumped and has amnesia, forgetting the last 5 years of his life and he has to reconcile his different identities. It's a nice journey from being a corrupt politician only in it for power to actually caring about doing the right thing.

Number 50: 

The Truth About Cads and Dukes by Elisa Braden - I liked how Harrison is a fundamentally decent person (he does marry the woman his brother drew into a scandal to protect her) and it had the potential for me to really enjoy it considering they start off antagonistic and very different. Harrison earnestly does he best, trying to treat her with kindness and respect but unfortunately this backfires and results in the direct opposite. Ultimately, I think the problem was resolved too late for me to have any faith in the couple's ability to communicate. And I didn't like how Harrison didn't defend Jane.

Harriet/Lucian (A Portrait of a Scotsman by Evie Dunmore) - The relationship certainly starts off on a bad foot, with him manoeuvring to trap her into a scandal to marry her. But they have some nice moments as the two grow closer. But the ending has her go off for six months and then they get back together. I get why Dunmore did this, but I don't think having the couple spend the last bit of the novel apart for that long didn't endear me to the relationship.

Penelope Campion (The Wallflower Wager by Tessa Dare) - She was cute and I liked her kindness and her love of animals. Also, her tragic past definitely rounded out her character. But she was still a bit bland compared to the other heroines of the series.

Raphael de Chartres (Duke of Desire by Elizabeth Hoyt) - He's an interesting character with a super tragic and messed up past. I think my enjoyment of his character was soured a bit by my feelings that the book was unnecessary. Maybe I'm also comparing him to other misanthropic scared dukes and he's falling short.

[boredout305]

Kid Congo Powers Interview

Kid Congo Powers was a founding member of the Gun Club. He also played with The Cramps and Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds. Powers currently fronts Kid Congo and the Pink Monkey Birds and recently completed a memoir, Some New Kind of Kick.

           The following interview focuses on Some New Kind of Kick. In the book Powers recounts growing up in La Puente—a working-class, largely Latino city in Los Angeles County—in the 1960s, as well as his familial, professional and personal relationships. He describes the LA glam-rock scene (Powers was a frequenter of Rodney Bingenheimer’s English Disco), the interim period between glam and punk embodied by the Capitol Records swap meet, as well as LA’s first-wave, late-1970s punk scene.

           Well written, edited and awash with amazing photos, Some New Kind of Kick will appeal to fans of underground music as well as those interested in 1960-1980s Los Angeles (think Claude Bessy and Mike Davis). The book will be available from In the Red Records, their first venture into book publishing, soon.

Interview by Ryan Leach   

Kid Congo with the Pink Monkey Birds.

Ryan: Some New Kind of Kick reminded me of the New York Night Train oral histories you had compiled about 15 years ago. Was that the genesis of your book?

Kid: That was the genesis. You pinpointed it. Those pieces were done with Jonathan Toubin. It was a very early podcast. Jonathan wanted to do an audio version of my story for his website, New York Night Train. We did that back in the early 2000s. After we had completed those I left New York and moved to Washington D.C. I thought, “I have the outline for a book here.” Jonathan had created a discography and a timeline. I figured, “It’ll be great and really easy. We’ll just fill in some of the blanks and it’ll be done.” Here we are 15 years later.

Ryan: It was well worth it. It reads well. And I love the photographs. The photo of you as a kid with Frankenstein is amazing.

Kid: I’m glad you liked it. You’re the first person not involved in it that I’ve spoken with.  

Ryan: As someone from Los Angeles I enjoyed reading about your father’s life and work as a union welder in the 1960s. My grandfather was a union truck driver and my father is a cabinetmaker. My dad’s cousins worked at the General Motors Van Nuys Assembly plant. In a way you captured an old industrial blue-collar working class that’s nowhere near as robust as it once was in Los Angeles. It reminded of Mike Davis’ writings on the subject.

Kid: I haven’t lived in LA for so long that I didn’t realize it doesn’t exist anymore. I felt the times. It was a reflection on my experiences and my family’s experiences. It was very working class. My dad was proud to be a union member. It served him very well. He and my mother were set up for the rest of their lives. I grew up with a sense that he earned an honest living. My parents always told me not to be embarrassed by what you did for work. People would ask me, “What’s your book about? What’s the thrust of it?” As I was writing it, I was like, “I don’t know. I’ll find out when it’s done.” What you mentioned was an aspect of that.

           When I started the book and all throughout the writing I had gone to different writers’ workshops. We’d review each other’s work. It was a bunch of people who didn’t know me, didn’t know about music—at least the music I make. I just wanted to see if there was a story there. People were relating to what I was writing, which gave me the confidence to keep going.

Ryan: Some New Kind of Kick is different from Jeffrey Lee Pierce’s autobiography, Go Tell the Mountain. Nevertheless, I couldn’t help but think of Pierce’s work as I read yours. Was Go Tell the Mountain on your mind as you were writing?

Kid: When I was writing about Jeffrey—it was my version of the story. It was about my relationship with him. I wasn’t thinking about his autobiography much at all. His autobiography is very different than mine. Nevertheless, there are some similarities. But his book flew off into flights of prose and fantasy. I tried to stay away from the stories that were already out there. The thing that’s interesting about Jeffrey is that everyone has a completely different story to tell about him. Everyone’s relationship with him was different.

Ryan: It’s a spectrum that’s completely filled in.

Kid: Exactly. One of the most significant relationships I’ve had in my life was with Jeffrey. Meeting him changed my life. It was an enduring relationship. It was important for me to tell my story of Jeffrey.

Ryan: The early part of your book covers growing up in La Puente and having older sisters who caught the El Monte Legion Stadium scene—groups like Thee Midniters. You told me years ago that you and Jeffrey were thinking about those days during the writing and recording of Mother Juno (1987).

Kid: That’s definitely true. Growing up in that area is another thing Jeffrey and I bonded over. We were music hounds at a young age. We talked a lot about La Puente, El Monte and San Gabriel Valley’s culture. We were able to pinpoint sounds we heard growing up there—music playing out of cars and oldies mixed in with Jimi Hendrix and Santana. That was the sound of San Gabriel Valley. It wasn’t all lowrider music. We were drawn to that mix of things. I remember “Yellow Eyes” off Mother Juno was our tribute to the San Gabriel Valley sound.

Ryan: You describe the Capitol Records Swap Meet in Some New Kind of Kick. In the pre-punk/Back Door Man days that was an important meet-up spot whose significance remains underappreciated.

Kid: The Capitol Records Swap Meet was a once-a-month event and hangout. It was a congregation of record collectors and music fans. You’d see the same people there over and over again. It was a community. Somehow everyone who was a diehard music fan knew about it. You could find bootlegs there. It went from glam to more of a Back Door Man-influenced vibe which was the harder-edged Detroit stuff—The Stooges and the MC5. You went there looking for oddities and rare records. I was barely a record collector back then. It’s where I discovered a lot of music. You had to be a pretty dedicated music fan to get up at 6 AM to go there, especially if you were a teenager.

Ryan: I enjoyed reading about your experiences as a young gay man in the 1970s. You’d frequent Rodney’s English Disco; I didn’t know you were so close to The Screamers. While not downplaying the prejudices gay men faced in the 1970s, it seemed fortuitous that these places and people existed for you in that post-Stonewall period.

Kid: Yeah. I was obviously drawn to The Screamers for a variety of reasons. It was a funny time. People didn’t really discuss being gay. People knew we were gay. I knew you were gay; you knew I was gay. But the fact that we never openly discussed it was very strange. Part of that was protection. It also had to do with the punk ethos of labels being taboo. I don’t think that The Screamers were very politicized back then and neither was I. We were just going wild. I was super young and still discovering things. I had that glam-rock door to go through. It was much more of a fantasy world than anything based in reality. But it allowed queerness. It struck a chord with me and it was a tribe. However, I did discover later on that glam rock was more of a pose than a sexual revolution.

           With some people in the punk scene like The Screamers and Gorilla Rose—they came from a background in drag and cabaret. I didn’t even know that when I met them. I found it out later on. They were already very experienced. They had an amazing camp aesthetic. I learned a lot about films and music through them. They were so advanced. It was all very serendipitous. I think my whole life has been serendipitous, floating from one thing to another.  

Ryan: You were in West Berlin when the Berlin Wall was breached in November 1989. “Here’s another historical event. I’m sure Kid Congo is on the scene.”

Kid: I know! The FBI must have a dossier on me. I was in New York on 9/11 too.

Ryan: A person who appears frequently in your book is your cousin Theresa who was tragically murdered. I take it her death remains a cold case.

Kid: Cold case. Her death changed my entire life. It was all very innocent before she died. That stopped everything. It was a real source of trauma. All progress up until that point went on hold until I got jolted out of it. I eventually decided to experience everything I could because life is short. That trauma fueled a lot of bad things, a lot of self-destructive impulses. It was my main demon that chased me throughout my early adult life. It was good to write about it. It’s still there and that’s probably because her murder remains unsolved. I have no resolution with it. I was hoping the book would give me some closure. We’ll see if it does.

Ryan: Theresa was an important person in your life that you wanted people to know about. You champion her.

Kid: I wanted to pay tribute to her. She changed my life. I had her confidence. I was at a crossroads at that point in my life, dealing with my sexuality. I wanted people to know about Theresa beyond my family. My editor Chris Campion really pulled that one out of me. It was a story that I told, but he said, “There’s so much more to this.” I replied, “No! Don’t make me do it.” I had a lot of stories, but it was great having Chris there to pull them together to create one big story. My original concept for the book was a coming-of-age story. Although it still is, I was originally going to stop before I even joined the Gun Club (in 1979). It was probably because I didn’t want to look at some of the things that happened afterwards. It was very good for my music. Every time I got uncomfortable, I’d go, “Oh, I’ve got to make a record and go on tour for a year and not think about this.” A lot of it was too scary to even think about. But the more I did it, the less scary it became and the more a story emerged. I had a very different book in mind than the one I completed. I’m glad I was pushed in that direction and that I was willing to be pushed. I wanted to tell these stories, but it was difficult.

Ryan: Of course, there are lighter parts in your book. There are wonderful, infamous characters like Bradly Field who make appearances.

Kid: Bradly Field was also a queer punker. He was the partner of Kristian Hoffman of The Mumps. I met Kristian in Los Angeles. We all knew Lance Loud of The Mumps because he had starred in An American Life (1973) which was the first reality TV show. It aired on PBS. I was a fan of The Mumps. Bradly came out to LA with Kristian for an elongated stay during a Mumps recording session. Of course, Bradly and I hit it off when we met. Bradly was a drummer—he played a single drum and a cracked symbol—in Teenage Jesus and the Jerks. Bradly was a real character. He was kind of a Peter Lorre, misanthropic miscreant. Bradly was charming while abrasively horrible at the same time. We were friends and I always remained on Bradly’s good side so there was never a problem.

           Bradly had invited me and some punkers to New York. He said that if we ever made it out there that we could stay with him. He probably had no idea we’d show up a month later. Bradly Field was an important person for me to know—an unashamedly gay, crazy person. He was a madman. I had very little interest in living a typical life. That includes a typical gay life. Bradly was just a great gay artist I met in New York when I was super young. He was also the tour manager of The Cramps at one point. You can imagine what that was like. Out of Lux and Ivy’s perverse nature they unleashed him on people.

Ryan: He was the right guy to have in your corner if the club didn’t pay you.  

Kid: Exactly. Who was going to say “no” to Bradly?

Ryan: You mention an early Gun Club track called “Body and Soul” that I’m unfamiliar with. I know you have a rehearsal tape of the original Creeping Ritual/Gun Club lineup (Kid Congo Powers, Don Snowden, Brad Dunning and Jeffrey Lee Pierce). Are any of these unreleased tracks on that tape?

Kid: No. Although I do have tapes, there’s no Creeping Ritual material on them. I spoke with Brad (Dunning) and he has tapes too. We both agreed that they’re unlistenable. They’re so terrible. Nevertheless, I’m going to have them digitized and I’ll take another listen to them. “Body and Soul” is an early Creeping Ritual song. At the time we thought, “Oh, this sounds like a Mink DeVille song.” At least in our minds it did. To the best of my ability I did record an approximation of “Body and Soul” on the Congo Norvell record Abnormals Anonymous (1997). I sort of reimagined it. That song was the beginning of things for me with Jeffrey. It wasn’t a clear path when we started The Gun Club. We didn’t say, “Oh, we’re going to be a blues-mixed-with-punk band.” It was a lot of toying around. It had to do with finding a style. Jeffrey had a lot of ideas. We also had musical limitations to consider. We were trying to turn it into something cohesive. There was a lot of reggae influence at the beginning. Jeffrey was a visionary who wanted to make the Gun Club work. Of course, to us he was a really advanced musician. We thought (bassist) Don Snowden was the greatest too. What’s funny is that I saw Don in Valencia, Spain, where he lives now. He came to one of our (Kid Congo and the Pink Monkey Birds) shows a few years ago. He said, “Oh, I didn’t know how to play!”

Ryan: “I knew scales.”

Kid: Exactly. It was all perception. But we were ambitious and tenacious. We were certain we could make something really good out of what we had. That was it. We knew we had good taste in music. That was enough for us to continue on.

Ryan: I knew about The Cramps’ struggles with IRS Records and Miles Copeland. However, it took on a new meaning reading your book. Joining The Cramps started with a real high for you, recording Psychedelic Jungle (1981), and then stagnation occurred due to contractual conflicts.

Kid: There was excitement, success and activity for about a year or two. And then absolutely nothing. As I discuss in my book—and you can ask anyone who was in The Cramps—communication was not a big priority for Lux and Ivy. I was left to my own devices for a while. We were building, building, building and then it stopped. I wasn’t privy to what was going on. I knew they were depressed about it. The mood shifted. It was great recording Psychedelic Jungle and touring the world. The crowds were great everywhere we went. It was at that point that I started getting heavy into drugs. The time off left me with a lot of time to get into trouble. It was my first taste of any kind of success or notoriety. I’m not embarrassed to say that I fell into that trip: “Oh, you know who I am and I have all these musician friends now.” It was the gilded ‘80s. Things were quite decadent then. There was a lot of hard drug use. It wasn’t highly frowned upon to abuse those types of drugs in our circle. What was the reputation of The Gun Club? The drunkest, drug-addled band around. So there was a lot of support to go in that direction. Who knew it was going to go so downhill? We weren’t paying attention to consequences. Consequences be damned. So the drugs sapped a lot of energy out of it too.

           I recorded the one studio album (Psychedelic Jungle) with The Cramps and a live album (Smell of Female). The live record was good and fun, but it was a means to an end. It was recorded to get out of a contract. The Cramps were always going to do it their way. Lux and Ivy weren’t going to follow anyone’s rules. I don’t know why people expected them to. To this day, I wonder why people want more. I mean, they gave you everything. People ask me, “When is Ivy going to play again?” I tell them, “She’s done enough. She paid her dues. The music was great.”

Ryan: I think after 30-something years of touring, she’s earned her union card.

Kid: Exactly. She’s done her union work.

Ryan: In your book you discuss West Berlin in the late 1980s. That was a strange period of extreme highs and lows. During that time you were playing with the Bad Seeds, working with people like Wim Wenders (in Wings of Desire) and witnessed the collapse of the Berlin Wall and the GDR. Nevertheless, it was a very dark period marred by substance abuse. Luckily, you came out of it unscathed. As you recount, some people didn’t.

Kid: It was a period of extremes. In my mind, for years, I rewrote that scene. I would say, “Berlin was great”—and it was, that part was true—and then I’d read interviews with Nick Cave and Mick Harvey and they’d say, “Oh, the Tender Prey (1988) period was just the worst. It’s hard to even talk about it.” And I was like, “It was great! What are you talking about?” Then when I started writing about it, I was like, “Oh, fuck! It really wasn’t the best time.” I had been so focused on the good things and not the bad things. Prior to writing my book, I really hadn’t thought about how incredibly dark it was. That was a good thing for me to work out. Some very bad things happened to people around me. But while that was happening, it was a real peak for me as a musician. Some of the greatest work I was involved with was being done then. And yet I still chose to self-destruct. It was a case of right place, right time. But it was not necessarily what I thought it was.  

Ryan: Digressing back a bit, when we would chat years back I would ask you where you were at with this project. You seemed to be warming up to it as time went on. And I finally found a copy of the group’s album in Sydney, Australia, a year ago. I’m talking about Fur Bible (1985).

Kid: Oh, you got it?

Ryan: I did.

Kid: In Australia?

Ryan: Yes. It was part of my carry-on luggage.

Kid: I’m sure I can pinpoint the person who sold it to you.

Ryan: Are you coming around to that material now? I like the record.

Kid: Oh, yeah. I hated it for so long. People would say to me, “Oh, the Fur Bible record is great.” I’d respond, “No. It can’t possibly be great. I’m not going to listen to it again, so don’t even try me.” Eventually, I did listen to it and I thought, “Oh, this is pretty good.” I came around to it. I like it.

Ryan: You’ve made the transition!

Kid: I feel warmly about it. I like all of the people involved with it. That was kind of a bad time too. It was that post-Gun Club period. I felt like I had tried something unsuccessful with Fur Bible. I had a little bit of shame about that. Everything else I had been involved with had been successful, in my eyes. People liked everything else and people didn’t really like Fur Bible. It was a sleeper.

Ryan: It is.  

Kid: There’s nothing wrong with it. It was the first time I had put my voice on a record and it just irritated the hell out of me. It was a first step for me.

Ryan: You close your book with a heartfelt tribute to Jeffrey Lee Pierce. You wonder how your life would’ve turned out had you not met Jeffrey outside of that Pere Ubu show in 1979. Excluding family, I don’t know if I’ve ever met anyone who’s had that sort of impact on my life.

Kid: As I was getting near the end of the book I was trying to figure out what it was about. A lot of it was about Jeffrey. Everything that moved me into becoming a musician and the life I lived after that was because of him. It was all because he said, “Here’s a guitar. You’re going to learn how to play it.” He had that confidence that I could do it. It was a mentorship. He would say, “You’re going to do this and you’re going to be great at it.” I was like, “Okay.” Jeffrey was the closest thing I had to a brother. We could have our arguments and disagreements, but in the end it didn’t matter. What mattered was our bond. Writing it down made it all clearer to me. His death sent me into a tailspin. I was entering the unknown. Jeffrey was like a cord that I had been hanging onto for so long and it was gone. I was more interested in writing about my relationship with him than about the music of the Gun Club. A lot of people loved Jeffrey. But there were others who said they loved him with disclaimers. I wanted to write something about Jeffrey without the disclaimers. That seemed like an important task—to honor him in a truthful manner.

Ryan: I’m glad that you did that. Jeffrey has his detractors, but they all seem to say something along the lines of “the guy still had the most indefatigable spirit and drive of any person I’ve ever known.”

Kid: That’s what drove everyone crazy!

Ryan: This book took you 15 years to finish. Completing it has to feel cathartic.  

Kid: I don’t know. Maybe it will when I see the printed book. When I was living in New York there was no time for reflection. I started it after I left New York, but it was at such a slow pace. It was done piecemeal. I wanted to give up at times. I had a lot of self-doubt. And like I said, I’d just go on tour for a year and take a long break. The pandemic made me finally put it to bed. I couldn’t jump up and go away on tour anymore. It feels great to have it done. When I read it through after the final edit I was actually shocked. I was moved by it. It was a feeling of accomplishment. It’s a different feeling than what you get with music. Looking at it as one story has been an eye-opener for me. I thought to myself, “How did I do all of that?”

           I see the book as the story of a music fan. I think most musicians start out as fans. Why would you do it otherwise? I never stopped being a fan. All of the opportunities that came my way were because I was a fan.

[coffeeheartaddict2]

Wicked Game

Book: open heart (post series)

Pairing: Ethan Ramsey x Casey Ramsey

Featuring: Tobias Carrick and Estelle Campion

Catergory: Angst

Rating: mature end of PG

Warnings: language

Summary: A person from Tobias and Ethan’s past appears at Edenbrook.

———-

She walked towards the hospital. The Edenbrook sign, a beacon to many. She had not been on the East coast since graduating from Hopkins, eager to escape the mistakes she made. She would not have been here now except for a fantastic research opportunity that piqued her interest. She was an accomplished Oncologist and the study she was about to embark on for the treatment of Thyroid cancers was enough to make her want to face her past.

It had been 17 years since she had seen Dr Tobias Carrick and Dr Ethan Ramsey. She missed them both but she missed Ethan the most. She knows she should have stayed that night to hear him out and let him solve his issues and allow him the time to fall but hearing that you don’t think you are falling in love will make you do impulsive things and what happened the rest of the night she still regrets. She had heard how both men had reconciled, working together to bring down a CEO possessed, she hoped that time would have healed the wounds and allow herself and Ethan another chance and another chance at friendship with Tobias.

Her first stop was HR to sign all the paperwork and get her ID. After that she was given a tour. She was mainly here for research but she was also seconded to the Oncology department. All the facilities were state of the art, she had about the scandal around the previous CEO Leland Bloom but the hospital under the running of his ex-wife had gone from strength to strength and it showed. Whilst in the research wing, she was talking to her new colleagues when Dr Carrick walked past. He stopped as he thought he was hearing things but then he looked. She was older, hair shorter and a slightly different shade of ash blonde but it was her, Dr Estelle Campion. Tobias continued on his way, shocked. Neither him or Ethan cared to follow up on where Estelle ended up after graduating at Hopkins, both reeling from the drama that was inflicted by an alcohol induced poor decision. It took 14 years for Ethan and Tobias to get to a place to reconcile and their friendship renewed. He hoped she was not here to cause trouble but he knew how ruthlessly she tried to get together with Ethan before turning towards him again.

Ethan was in his office attending to some paperwork. He was enjoying the hybrid role of being chief but still being able to practice medicine. He still hated the administrative part but he got better at doing the role and this part became easier. There was a knock at his door, it was Tobias and he looked like he had seen a ghost.

“What is up Tobias?”

“You do not want to know who I just saw in the research wing?”

Ethan looked perplexed.

“First name Este….”

Tobias was unable to get the name before Ethan asked if Tobias was joking.

“Believe me, I wish I was. It was her. She maybe 17years older than we last laid eyes on her but it was her.”

“What is she doing here?”

“She was talking to some people in the labs when I saw her, I did not stick around to find out. It was enough of a shock seeing her.”

“I agree, if I am being honest, If I saw her again it would be too soon.”

Tobias left and Ethan collected his thoughts. There were so many questions. Why was she here? In one level he assumed it was for work but given the shared history that he and Tobias had with her, he was sure that was not her only reason. He continued with his work.

Estelle was finished for the day. She was quite shocked to hear that Ethan was chief of the free clinic and diagnostics team. She knew he had done well career wise and knew that he would lead the team he was anxious to be on all those years ago but she knew he also hated administration so that struck her as odd. She found out where his office was and made her way there.

There was a knock at his door. Ethan called out it was open.

“So it is true then?”

Ethan looked up and schooled his features.

“Estelle, what brings you here?”

“Happy to see you too Ethan.” She said, all too happily.

“I am here to work on a research project on the treatment of thyroid cancers and of course working in Oncology.”

Ethan nods.

“The years have been very kind to you…” Estelle wants to continue, then she spots his wedding band. She is shocked to see it and mortified that she had not heard that he is married.

Ethan, sensing Estelle’s shock, tells her that he is happily married. He does not tell her how long for or who with.

Estelle says congratulations and makes her exit.

Married! She can not believe it. Lots of questions going around her head. Could he have changed so much that he fell in love? Who was this woman he married? She must have made an impression. The Ethan she knows did not enter into relationships lightly and she got the distinct impression that he would never marry.

The next day came. She stopped off at Derry Roasters and spotted Ethan, he was not alone. He was with a woman, whom Estelle presumed was Mrs Ramsey. She looked significantly younger than him, very pretty. Estelle found a spot near them, being careful not to be seen. She could not hear what they were saying but what she was witnessing was not the Ethan she knew. The Ethan she knew was not one for public displays of affection, she had also never seen him be so relaxed. She took her leave. She wanted to be happy for him, but at the same time she still wanted him and she decided right then and there that she was still going to try and get him back.

She was so deep in thought when she entered the hospital that she bumped into Tobias.

“What are you doing here Dr Campion?”

“So formal for an old friend?”

“We are not friends Estelle, have not been so for a long time and that will not change any time soon.”

“Well if you and Ethan can patch things up, surely we all can too?”

“Dr Campion, the last time you tried to patch things up, you were so close to getting a complaint of sexual harassment against you and at the earliest convenience tried to get your way with me again so excuse me for being sceptical.” Said Tobias defiantly.

“Well if Ethan can marry some pretty young thing then miracles can happen.”

Tobias’s blood begins to boil. Tobias takes Estelle to a quiet area of the lobby.

“You listen to me Dr Campion, there will be no forcing of miracles. I do not know why you are here but if you get between the Doctor’s Ramsey it will be your funeral. If either of us were inclined to reconcile in any way with you, we would have reached out. Good day Estelle.”

Tobias made a quick get away and went to find Ethan and Casey. It may have been 17 years since everything went down but he did not trust her, not a single bit. Meanwhile Estelle had some more information, so whomever he married changed her name, this was going to make it easier to find out who he married.

Tobias found Ethan and told him of his encounter with Estelle. Ethan wanted to be surprised that Estelle was wanting to mend fences but he was not and he had to agree with Tobias, given her reaction to the news that he was married. Casey had heard about Estelle from both men, having heard both sides of the fallout. Casey asked what if she only wants to be friends. Ethan stated that he was her most serious relationship in college, she often got who she wanted and he can recall a few instances of her getting that person back so myself and Tobias not playing her game was a shock.

“We deliberately lost track of her after she graduated.” Stated Tobias. “Part of it was a vain attempt on my part to keep our friendship but mainly because she lied to me, hurt Ethan and used me in the process to do so.”

Casey then became resolute to avoid her at all costs.

Estelle kept off Ethan and Tobias’s radar for the next few weeks, which had both men pleased but they knew that this was not going to be the case forever. Whilst off their radar however, she did do some research. She spoke to Dr Yannick, she found out about Casey. The Ethics trial, the bio attack, curing of Dr Banerji and how she is the co-leader of the diagnostics team with Dr Carrick. She was slightly impressed, especially since it seemed like she was in part similar to the Ethan she knew in medical school but she did have to wonder, did Casey truly love Ethan and vice versa.

The research was gratifying and was well worth coming to Boston but she only had a finite amount of time. She wanted Ethan in some way, preferably romantically but she would try to be satisfied with friendship but Tobias and Ethan would not give her the time of day. Desperate times called for desperate measures.

Today there was no Tobias, so it was just Casey. Estelle knocked on the door and Casey was surprised to see her. Casey sized up Estelle. Casey could see physically why both men were attracted to her but she did not like what she heard. She did seem nice enough on the surface but the vindictiveness, the lying to get her own way she could not comprehend. She knew Ethan had trust issues from Louise but as far as Casey was concerned, it was Estelle that made them worse and she understood not only Ethan’s but also Tobias’s reluctance to befriend her again.

“What can I do for you Dr Campion?”

“Please call me Estelle, I just wanted to say hello and meet the woman who managed to take Ethan off the market.”

“Well you have met me, now I must get to work.”

“Well, just like Ethan then, don’t forget to play also.”

Casey sharply took a breath in, “I do not know what you are playing at Dr Campion but I assure you, I know that working all the time is bad, but I am really busy…”

“What, so you keep yourself busy to avoid your husband?”

Casey was on her way to the door and she stopped. Her blood beginning to boil.

“No Dr Campion, I am busy because we have several cases that the team is working on and we are down a team member. You do not know the man Dr Ramsey has become Dr Campion. Now I must get going.”

“Does he truly love you? He was always reluctant to let himself fall and did not believe in the institution so I find it odd that you know him better than me, despite yours and his marital status. What did he knock you up and things did not work out? The Ethan I know would only marry out of obligation or if it made sense too.”

That comment hit Casey below the belt. Her and Ethan were not at the point where they wanted to try again after the missed miscarriage but they were through the worse of the grief and that comment hurt. Casey turned around slowly.

“It has been 17 years since you fucked things up with Ethan. People can change and from where I am standing you have not, well not much anyway. If you thought you could get to Ethan through me, you are sorely mistaken.”

Casey then stormed out, trying in vain to stop the tears from falling. She ducks into the nearest supply closet and lets the tears fall. She eventually regains her composure and gets on with her day. Aurora could sense that Casey was distant and upset and cautiously brought the topic up at lunch. Casey told her about the confrontation she had with Dr Campion that morning. Aurora was mortified. Aurora asked if Ethan was aware and she said no, not yet, he was in meetings all day today but she was going to tell him tonight.

The rest of the day went by with no issue and importantly no more encounters with Estelle Campion.

Home time came. Ethan noted on the way home she appeared distant. He waited until they were seated for their meal before asking what was the matter.

Casey told him about how Dr Campion came to the office, wanting to meet her and that she would not take no for an answer, instead insinuating that she was working to avoid you and that you only married me out of obligation, even having the audacity to assume that you knocked me up. Casey then burst into tears again. Rage was coursing through Ethan’s veins. He took a deep breath and went to hug Casey.

“I did believe then that marriage was not for me, but I never met anyone who loved me the way you do and back then, I did not feel worthy of love, even when I first realised that I love you, I still felt unworthy. I did feel something before the searing hatred I feel towards her right now but I know it was not love. You are the only woman I truly love.” He kisses Casey on the side of the head.

The next day comes. Ethan is still fuming from what Casey told him about her confrontation with Estelle. Casey is still upset too. They go off to conduct their respective duties for the day. Casey is catching Tobias up on the team's patients when he notices that Casey is upset. She tells Tobias that she had a rather unpleasant encounter with Dr Campion. Tobias wished that he was surprised but he was not. The person he remembered got nasty when it looked like she was not going to get what she wanted and it was clear that the leopard had not changed her spots.

Tobias kept seeing Estelle all day and it took all of his fortitude to not confront her about Casey. Ethan however had no such qualms. He paged Dr Campion to meet him in his office. Estelle was excited to see the page and was looking forward to her meeting. Little did she know that her assumptions were going to be proved very wrong.

She arrived at Ethan’s office. Ethan was not pleased to see her.

“Is it true?” He asked through gritted teeth, trying to remain calm.

“Is what true Ethan?”

“Playing coy now are we? Or are you going to stand there and deny everything you said to my wife yesterday?”

Estelle was taken aback. “Yes I introduced myself to your wife but that is all that happened.”

“All that happened!” Exclaimed Ethan. “How the fuck in your twisted mind can you insinuate that I do not love my wife as introducing yourself?” Ethan took a deep breath to try and quell his anger.

“I thought it a valid question Ethan, you never believed in the institution, hell even finding it difficult to believe that you fell in love with someone at all.”

Ethan banged his hand down on the desk very hard, Estelle jumped. She had not seen Ethan this angry.

“I did not believe in the institution and yes I have always had a complicated relationship with love but unlike you, Dr Campion I grew up, actually dealt with some of the issues that held me back and met a gorgeous woman with the patience of a saint. We love each other very much, and people like you who are stuck in the past will not get between us.”

Estelle is shocked to her core.

“I just want us all to be friends again Ethan, and you and me together like I wished we could be.”

Ethan took another deep breath. He had hoped it was not her end game.

“That ship sailed the night you walked out of my apartment and eventually ended up in bed with Tobias. I did feel something for you then, but it was not love. All I feel for you know is hatred. I know you are here on a study but you will not engage with myself, Tobias or Casey. We will never be friends and certainly will never be anything more than that. It is clear to me that you have not changed. Now leave.”

Ethan turns around and Estelle makes her way to the door. She stops and says “We could have been great together you know?”

Ethan ignored her and she left.

She left the floor in a daze. How could he have changed so much? She thought that time made the heart grow fonder but it appeared that was only partially correct. In her daze she did not see Tobias until she bumped into him. Tobias looked like he was going to go off at her but she said “don’t worry I will be finished here soon and I will leave you all alone.” Before rushing off.Tobias hoped that Estelle was speaking the truth.

The last few weeks of the study went by mercifully quickly. She stayed away from Ethan and Tobias. The study was a success but personally her trip was a failure. True she had not anticipated how much Ethan and Tobias had changed but she had hoped to be friends with them again and it was clear that this would never happen. She went back to Seattle, saddened but at least she had closure and she had to be content with the fact that her, Ethan and Tobias were not meant to be in any way.

Ethan and Tobias were a little too pleased to see the back of Dr Campion, both were astonished at how little she had changed but were both glad that she had not forced a wedge between them again.

Authors note: you have to love random thoughts! I hope you enjoyed this ride. Yes Estelle really did hold a flame for Dr Ramsey that long but did nothing to force it until the invitation to help out on a study. Of course a lot can change in 17years which she had not anticipated.

Tagging: @jerzwriter @jamespotterthefirst @genevievemd @schnitzelbutterfingers @binny1985 @bex-la-get @crazy-loca-blog @a-crepusculo @potionsprefect @liaromancewriter

@choicesficwriterscreations @openheartfanfics

[dannyreviews]

Shine (1996)

Recently, I read about Geoffrey Rush accepting the role of an older Groucho Marx in an upcoming biopic. It made me want to revisit the film that won him an Oscar and made him a worldwide sensation. Scott Hicks’ 1996 film “Shine”, like fellow Oceania director Jane Campion’s “An Angel At My Table”, tells an amazing true story about an individual overcoming the obstacles of mental illness and making it out on top.

“Shine” is the story of Australian piano prodigy David Helfgott. As a teenager (Noah Taylor), he excels as a wunderkind musician, winning prizes and the admiration of fans. But David’s life isn’t rosy, he lives under the ruling thumb of his tortured Holocaust survivor father Peter (Armin Mueller-Stahl), who overprotects David and isolates him from the outside world. When he’s given a scholarship to study at the Royal Academy in Music in London, Peter forbids David to go, which he does. Disowned, David pushes himself to be the best piano player under the stern tutelage of Cecil Parkes (John Gielgud), but all the pressure builds up and David is led into the throes of mental illness. The second half shows older David (Rush) rebuilding his once shattered musical prospects with the help of unlikely strangers, including an astrologer named Gillian (Lynn Redgrave).

“Shine” was released as part of the Australian/New Zealand wave of indie films that made an impact on American audiences in the early to mid 90s and along with the aforementioned “Angel At My Table”, “The Piano”, “Muriel’s Wedding” and “The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert”, “Shine” is one of that region’s cinematic gems. The life of a tortured soul that the rest of the world never heard of is given such flesh and blood. In under two hours, a first time viewer starts out not knowing who David Helfgott is or his claim to fame. By the end of the film, not only do you learn his history, but even want to do research to find out more about Helfgott the musician, Helfgott the patient and Helfgott the child of the Holocaust. The biopic is such that the filmmaker has to honor its subject and make him into someone fascinating and relatable. Scott Hicks does that with David Helfgott’s life story and so much more. I believe that if this film had not existed, or it barely made it out of Australia, Helfgott would be some obscure figure that no one gave a damn about. 

One would expect in a small scale biopic like this to have the lead actor be the centerpiece and the other actors act more as scenery, which was my reaction to the Gary Oldman biopic about Winston Churchill “Darkest Hour”. “Shine” has one of the best assembled casts of recent years. The two Davids, Geoffrey Rush and Noah Taylor are phenomenal in their own different ways. Rush perfects David’s schizophrenic speech patterns, body movements and child like qualities, without overdoing a single thing. Taylor excels at the gradual decline into mental illness with a loss of lucidity in his speech, a very subtle characteristic. John Gielgud proved that at 90 years of age, he can seem energetic at heart. As Cecil Parkes, he’s a breath of fresh air in an old body and you wouldn’t think he was any older than 75. Lynn Redgrave as Gillian, while brief, is the film’s heart tugging point. Her selflessness and devotion to David is beautifully conveyed without bordering on schmaltz. But the film has a performer that’s on an even playing field with the Oscar winning performance of Geoffrey Rush.

Armin Mueller-Stahl’s Peter Helfgott, a performance that should have netted the then 66 year old an Oscar for Best Supporting Actor. He is a male version of the Pink Floyd song “Mother” come to life, an emotionally tortured man still bearing the scars of the Holocaust, taking his combined anger and love out on David. Mueller-Stahl not only is excellent as Peter, he doesn’t seem like he’s acting at all. The scene when Peter is comforting David in his bed and clutching him, you cannot fake that overprotection, it seems so natural and effortless. When Peter hears David on the radio, he sheds a single tear. Again, you can’t fake it. The fact that Mueller-Stahl would lose the Oscar to the overrated Mr. Show me the Money, Cuba Gooding Jr., shows how lazy the Academy voters really are in analyzing the merit of an Oscar win.

“Shine” was a standout in the 1996 Oscar season, securing several awards for Geoffrey Rush, including the Oscar, BAFTA, and Golden Globe. Mueller-Stahl didn’t come out empty handed, securing a Satellite Award for Best Supporting Actor, at least they saw what Academy voters did not. It would lose the majority of the awards to the unstoppable “English Patient” which swept just about every awards show that year. Nonetheless, with a wide release, a first rate cast, and an excellent portrayal of its figure, “Shine” is an indie masterpiece full of cinematic beauty and good hopes.

10/10

[greaterspawnislands]

the shrike to your sharp and glorious thorn | of the seed and the sickle

their first meeting

(or, hades and persephone, i suppose that’s one way to look at it)

links in the notes/reblogs :) 

In the center of a valley, past evergreen trees that border a rushing, bubbling river, past tall, spindly aspen trees with leaves that are just starting to turn sunset shades of orange and yellow, is a small farmhouse. Bordered by fields with crops ready for harvest and the forest beyond, the idyllic house crafted of spruce and stone sits alone. The dwelling is still and silent, save for one restless being, who stands at the kitchen window and stares at the stars.

Phil exhales lightly from the counter, fingers tapping alone the smooth-cut stone. The house is quiet. Tommy is fast asleep, the nine-year-old tired out from another day of running through fields and forests on another adventure. Wilbur, not much older at thirteen, is just as tuckered out from keeping up with the younger blond, though whether he's actually asleep or using the moonlight to read books by is hardly Phil's concern.

Humans exist to fail by trial and error, after all, by consequence or natural progression. In the end it doesn't matter in the slightest, as mortal lifespans pass in the blink of an eye. Little changes from one life to the next, absolutely unchanging when it comes to books read by moonlight and heavy eyes refusing to sleep.

Children learn, and change, and learn, and change, and die.

Phil sighs again, wings fluttering behind him with a never-ending restlessness. His mind is a cycle of endless, meaningless thoughts that swirl like the clouds in the sky above him, parting briefly to reveal unconnected constellations that span across the dark sky.

The kitchen is barely big enough to fit his wingspan but Phil extends his extra limbs anyways, wings trembling as they brush against cabinet doors and pass the open doorway to touch upon the main room. Some of the moonlight catches on his feathers, glossy cream feathers dappled with the floral hues of light green, pink, and blue, the colors of a clear spring sky over a field of campions.

He wants nothing more than to take flight, now, soar until he finds a field exactly like that, but there will be no flowers blooming this late in the year, not without his coaxing. It is the time for deciduous trees to change the colors of their leaves from a summer green to a display of fire without the heat. A burning, brilliant showcase of shades before winter winds sweep in to douse the flames and bring bare branches and bright white snow to cover the ground completely.

Spring can not come early, nor disrupt the flow of the seasons that mortals so desperately rely upon to track the course of their lives until they no longer make it to the next turn of temperature. The Winter-Bringer flies the skies now, with his wings made of dark, opaque ice and endlessly calm disposition, for fall and winter move slowly, relentless yet patient in their arrival. Phil, in great contrast, is scattered and hasty, ready to melt snowdrifts with a flap of his wings at any second to watch bright flowers bloom under his gaze.

He has lived far too many centuries now to try and disrupt this cycle that he and Bad have fallen into, not willing to push his luck with The Balance any more than he does already.

Phil folds his wings and steps outside, pausing carefully to listen for either of his human sons' movements in the dead of night. There is silence, and so he steps outside, shivering as a cool autumn breeze rushes at him from the forest beyond. Hours left until they wake and he can fill another day with the love and care he has set aside for them, but now is no longer that time.

Outside, standing on the porch and looking out over his fields that he coaxed from the earth with careful hands, his fingers twitch. The knife sits in its sheath against his side, and he knows how trivially easy it would be to call upon Technoblade. Centuries ago, now, he could have flown into battle over Techno's head, landing his own blow as the Blood God took what was within his name to do.

Phil held his tongue to keep from cursing out The Balance aloud. It wouldn't give him anything except a visit that would fucking terrify his kids, which is the last thing he wanted. Now, he knows, that when he calls upon Technoblade that all he'll receive is a sorrowful look hidden behind the gentle smile given to the two mortal children who crowd his legs and beg for stories of grandeur and glory.

His wings catch the breeze a little as he steps out into the fields, barefoot, and he flaps them once, twice, watching the grain ripple out like the waves of the ocean. It shimmers, briefly, before settling, and Phil casts his eyes to the skies, wishing for something he can do nothing about except wait for.

Waiting, that's all a god's existence is, these days. Waiting for the moment of allowance when what was within a domain could be used or brought upon the world. Order, it was called. Balance, it was decreed. Chaos, dosed out in controlled segments, punished for being overused on a whim.

Bullshit, Phil sometimes privately thinks, when selfish thoughts crowd his mind.

He reaches the edge of the forest, casting a backwards glance at the house before departing into the treeline, forced to bend his wings to accommodate the interspersed tree trunks and bushes that crowded the forest floor. His fingers snatched leaves from the sky and scooped them up along the forest floor, feeling the cool plant matter against his fingers before he released it back to the rest of the rotting leaves along the floor. A trail of freshly green leaves followed him, from his footsteps and fingertips, turning in wandering circles until he is entirely surrounded by trees that are slowly blossoming to life again underneath his touch. They are the same leaves that thread throughout his hair, an array of flora blossoming along his scalp, intertwining with his blond locks. His coat, too, is made of those same spring-green leaves, shifting in dappled sunlight, sadly stagnant so late at night.

Around him, the animals that haven't already found shelter for slumber scamper across the forest floor, looking for a place undisturbed by a deity and his widespread wings. Crickets chirp in the undergrowth, and a few curious birds flutter along the treetops, wings beating among the leaves as they settle on branches to peer down at him from their perches above.

Soon, Phil stops underneath the stars, a spot where the trees have pulled back from each other just far enough that when he tips his head back, he can see the clouds clearing to display the stars, and when he looks around again, he can see no fields just beyond.

"Oh, shit," Phil mutters aloud, slowly realizing how far into the forest he's walked. "Where the fuck have I wandered to?"

He isn't answered so much as heard by a single crow, hopping down a few branches to perch upon a limb just a few feet taller than him. Phil meets the bird's gaze, and the two winged beings look curiously at each other for a moment, searching for more than what might meet the eye.

The crow takes flight in a blur, brushing right past Phil's cheek in a brush of wing that makes him yelp in surprise, turning his head to follow the crow's movements. "Hey!"

A few paces away, the bird waits on another perch in a different tree, still staring dead in his eyes, head tilted in clear expectancy.

Two more crows join the first, hopping on branches and the knots that jut out from various trunks of aspen trees. Phil continues to follow the first crow even further into the forest, a sense of uneasiness curling within him as more and more birds populate the trees around him, all staring down at him with the exact same inquisitive eyes, staring, watching, waiting.

It would be easy to turn around, or to fly out of here in an instant, back to the safety and stillness of the farmhouse and the two safe children that sleep within it. It would be easy to shake off the curiosity and excitement that mingles with this nervous feeling, to return to a routine of simplicity and ease.

But there is not much that Phil would consider to be beyond his knowing, these days. Now, hundreds of crows stare down at him from the trees that stretch high in the sky, nearly blocking out the orange leaves entirely as their round black bodies press together and their wings fluff out, all identical and yet Phil is certain he knows exactly which crow is the first one to appear to him, the one continuing to hop between branches as he follows, nearly dashing across the forest floor. Even more crows flutter around him as he moves, wings brushing against his own and landing on top of his striped hat or resting on his arm for a moment before taking flight again.

It's overwhelming, it's overbearing, and it's exciting. A wide, wild grin stretches across Phil's face as he spreads his arms, turning and laughing as the crows fly around him in a blur, hiding even the trunks of the trees from him now as he spins with them.

And then they're gone, off in a mass of beating wings and flurrying feathers, and Phil stands at the mouth of a large, dark cave, watching as the murder descends down into the darkness that lies below.

"Wait!" he calls, but the crows do not answer. They move as if they had never pressed their wings close to his cheeks, they move as if direct by something else entirely, they move as one.

Phil analyzes the structure of the cave, the width and angle of descent in a few quick glances. The cave is wide, and he cannot remember if he had been able to see the walls of it before, but when he looks at it again the slope is more than wide enough to accommodate his wingspan, walls consumed with shadow. The calls of the crows are growing fainter, and Phil does not spare a glance back to the forest and what rests outside of it.

His wings snap out, pastel coloring swallowed by dark shadow, and he flies, wings carrying him down in a quick descent as he takes off after the murder of crows who had led him here.

A breathless laugh leaves him as he flies again, wings maneuvering through the wide tunnels and closing to dart between smaller spaces held up by pillars of dirt and stone. He can barely see, and yet instinct takes over, following the distant cries of the crows through turns and tunnels and pausing, once, in a wide open space where a pool of water opens over a great cavern. Phil stays aloft there for a moment, marveling at the dark water he cannot see the bottom of and the ceiling he cannot reach, before taking off after the crows he can still hear, though deep inside him he knows they should be so much farther now, and he knows that they are waiting for him.

The tunnels narrow the more he flies, and soon Phil is struggling to keep his wings from brushing harshly against the sides of the tunnels, wincing as he dives through narrow gaps and struggles to keep aloft. He can no longer hear the crows, but he continues to fly anyways, pushing himself through the ever-narrowing tunnels until he can no longer flap his wings. Phil tumbles to the ground, pulling his wings against his back before standing again, staring at tunnel that waits ahead for him, barely taller than he is, and just as dark as everything before him.

Phil frowns, the sense of adventure draining from him as the mobility of his wings is restricted again. He scoffs lightly, listens out for the crows and hears nothing, and turns to find his way back out again.

The tunnel shakes, and rocks begin to fall around him.