#i struggled with that part of me like i did any other part as you do as a kid who has only ever known queerness as being a 'bad' thing

[a-lexia11]

Womanizer (Part 2)

Fuckboy!Alexia Putellas x reader

Word count:Around 12k

Warning: HIGHLY suggestive (Minors DNI), some angst

Part 1

That was tougher than Alexia had anticipated. Over the past two weeks, she has struggled intensely to suppress her usual habits—no flirting, no checking out other women, no casual sex.

It's been a challenge she hadn’t fully grasped when she made the bet with you. She’s accustomed to moving from one woman to the next, and this sudden shift is excruciating.

Each day without her usual indulgences feels like a trial, and the thought of enduring another two weeks feels almost unbearable. Yet, this pain dissipates whenever she looks at you.

Your captivating eyes, your radiant smile, your voice—they never fail to leave her in awe of your beauty.

The time you've spent together outside of the store, including with Mia, has only deepened her admiration for you.

When you’re not looking, she finds herself observing you, marveling at the kind of person and mother you are.

Alexia is determined to take you on that date, but she’s realized that her feelings for you extend beyond just physical desire.

She yearns for something deeper, something more meaningful, though she’s unsure how to convey it. Her plan is to show you her seriousness through her actions.

Once you see that she’s committed to this path and genuinely not interested in anyone else, you’ll understand her true intentions.

At the moment, you were behind the register at the store, handling some clients while Alexia carried Mia, helping her reach the flowers she couldn’t quite get.

Carmen was away this week, and she trusted you enough to take care of her store. To ensure you weren’t alone, Alexia was here as often as she could be.

After finishing with a client, you watched as a tall, young, and undeniably attractive woman entered the store—definitely Alexia’s type. You couldn’t wait to see Alexia’s reaction and whether she’d break her bet.

As Alexia and Mia returned to you at the register, Alexia asked, “Mia’s hungry. Did you bring any food, or should I run out and grab something?” She gently placed Mia on the counter while you leaned in to give your daughter a kiss on the cheek.

“No, it’s okay, Ale. I packed something in her backpack in the back room,” you replied. Before you could fetch it, Mia eagerly jumped in, “I’ll go!” She asked Alexia to put her down and ran towards the back room.

Alexia turned to you with a playful grin. “What’s up?” she asked.

“You called me Ale,” Alexia pointed out, still smiling. “You never do. It’s always Alexia… admit it, you like me,” she teased, her eyes sparkling.

You laughed at her antics. “Oh, stop it. It’s just a nickname. Just like you call me ‘guapa’,” you said, and Alexia’s smile widened.

“I know you like me,” she said with a wink.

Just then, the woman from earlier approached Alexia, interrupting your playful exchange. Alexia briefly acknowledged her with a smile before turning back to you.

“Disculpa”the woman said, “¿Podrías, por favor, hacer un ramo con estas flores?” She handed you a handful of flowers she had picked out. (Excuse me,could you please make these into a bouquet?)

“Por supuesto.” you replied, taking the flowers and moving to the counter to start arranging them. (Of course)

Mia reappeared, munching on her sandwich. “Mommy, I found it!” she announced, approaching you.

“Good job, baby. Here, sit down and eat,” you said, pulling out a chair for her. She complied and quietly ate her sandwich.

You glanced over at Alexia and the woman as they engaged in a conversation. The woman seemed to be flirting with Alexia, but to your surprise, Alexia was quite dismissive, not engaging in the flirtation at all.

Leaning in a bit, you tried to catch their conversation. “¿Puedo tener tu número de teléfono? Quizás podríamos volver a vernos.” the woman asked. (Can I have your phone number? Maybe we could meet up again?)

You held your breath, waiting for Alexia’s response. With a firm yet polite tone, Alexia replied, “No, gracias. No estoy interesada.” (No, thank you. I’m not interested.)

You were actually impressed—Alexia had just rejected a beautiful woman. She was serious about the bet, and that realization hit you harder than expected.

The woman didn’t push her luck and, after nodding her head, distracted herself with her phone.

Meanwhile, Alexia had already made her way over to you, casually lifting Mia from her chair and settling her on her lap.

She sat down like it was the most natural thing, Mia cuddling against her easily, a familiar comfort between them that made your heart soften.

As you finished wrapping the bouquet for the woman, you handed it over with a polite smile.

Once she thanked you and left the store, your attention immediately shifted back to Alexia and Mia. Alexia shot you a wink, her smirk playful and full of mischief.

Mia hopped off Alexia’s lap, grabbing her sandwich and skipping toward the back room to announcing that she wanted some water bottle.

The second your daughter was out of sight, you turned toward Alexia, clapping your hands together with exaggerated disbelief.

“I’m impressed. You actually rejected a woman?” you said, raising an eyebrow. “Damn, didn’t think you had it in you,” you teased, folding your arms.

Alexia, still lounging in her chair, rolled her eyes dramatically. Before you could react, she grabbed your hand firmly, pulling you toward her until you were standing right between her legs.

Then, with little effort, she slid her hands behind your thighs, forcing you to straddle her lap. You let out a surprised gasp, instinctively wrapping your arms around her shoulders to steady yourself.

“Alexia!” you yelled, your cheeks flushed from the unexpected move. She only grinned, loving how easily she could fluster you.

Her arms circled your waist, pulling you closer, pressing you tightly against her. You could feel the warmth of her body against yours, her breath hot against your ear as she leaned in, her voice dropping low.

“Dios, I can’t wait for the day you scream my name like that when I finally get you in my bed,” she whispered teasingly.

A shiver ran down your spine at her words, and you tried to maintain composure, even as goosebumps spread across your skin.

You slapped her shoulder lightly, trying to regain control of the moment. “You wish,” you muttered, though your voice lacked the firmness you wanted.

Alexia’s hands slid slowly up your waist, her touch gentle and lingering as she looked directly into your eyes. Her expression softened, becoming more sincere.

“I rejected her because I’m only interested in one woman,” she said, her voice more serious now. “Y esa mujer... pronto va a salir conmigo” (And that woman… she’s going to go on a date with me soon.)

You were caught off guard by how genuine she sounded, her gaze locking onto yours with that look of admiration she always had when you weren’t looking.

You hesitated for a moment before letting your hand rest on her cheek, gently caressing her skin. Alexia closed her eyes at the touch, her lips brushing against your palm in a soft, tender kiss.

Before you could get too caught up in the moment, you reminded her, “You’ve still got two weeks left, don’t forget.”

You quickly slipped off her lap, putting some distance between you two before Mia could return and witness anything.

Alexia simply leaned back in her chair, a smug grin spreading across her face. “Two weeks is nothing,” she said confidently, her eyes still fixed on you. “I can do it.”

And from the way she looked at you, part of you believed she just might.

——

The two weeks were almost up, and Alexia hadn’t cracked once. You were impressed. Only two more days to go, and despite all the tempting situations, she hadn’t given in.

Over the past couple of weeks, you’d seen her reject every woman who so much as looked her way, whether at the store, in the street, or when you went out together.

The women barely got a “hola” in before Alexia was shaking her head, firmly saying, “No estoy interesada.” (I’m not interested)

And every single time, she’d wink at you with that familiar smirk, playfully calling you her “future wife.” You’d laugh and shake your head, amused but also undeniably touched by how serious she was about the bet.

But it wasn’t just the rejections that had caught your attention. Watching Alexia with Mia was what really made your heart flutter. Over the weeks, Alexia had become Mia’s favorite person.

She’d take her to the park, push her on the swings, or take her on long walks with Nala. Mia was obsessed, constantly asking when Alexia would be back and begging you to call her whenever she had a new drawing or just to say goodnight.

Alexia was equally as obsessed with Mia—teaching her new Spanish words, cuddling her when she got tired, playing with her... The two had developed a bond that was impossible to ignore.

But today, with just two days left, you decided to test Alexia’s patience a bit more.

You were unloading flowers from a delivery truck at the store, working with Pedro, the delivery guy. He was charming, a bit flirty even, but you hadn’t really engaged—until you saw Alexia walk in.

The moment she spotted you talking to Pedro, her whole demeanor changed. Her eyes narrowed as she glared at Pedro like he was some kind of threat.

You smirked inwardly. She was jealous, and you couldn’t resist teasing her a little.

Pedro handed you the delivery papers to sign, standing a little too close as he made small talk. “No te había visto aquí antes. ¿Eres nueva?”he asked with a friendly smile. (I haven’t seen you here before. Are you new?)

“Sí, lo soy.” you responded, watching Alexia out of the corner of your eye. Her expression darkened as Pedro continued chatting with you. (Yes I am)

He then switched to English, showing off a bit. “Ah, you’re not from Spain, huh? You’ve got a lovely accent,” Pedro complimented, leaning in slightly.

Alexia, standing by Carmen, was visibly fuming. She wasn’t even pretending to listen to Carmen anymore.

Her eyes were locked on Pedro, her jaw tight, hands clenched at her sides. Her possessiveness was written all over her face.

Deciding to push it a little further, you laughed softly at one of Pedro’s jokes and lightly touched his arm.

It wasn’t much, but it was enough to send Alexia over the edge. She shot forward like a bullet, striding over with a fake smile plastered on her face, her eyes sharp.

Without a word, Alexia slid her arm around your waist and tugged you close to her, forcing you to step away from Pedro.

“Hey, bebé, ¿ya terminaste aquí? Carmen te necesita en la parte de atrás” Alexia said sweetly, though her tone carried a thinly veiled edge. She pressed a soft kiss to your temple, her eyes locked on Pedro the entire time. (Hey, baby, are you done here? Carmen needs you in the back)

“Uh, yeah, I’m done,” you said, hiding your smirk as you pulled back slightly from Alexia’s grip. You thanked Pedro and signed off on the delivery, but Alexia’s hand remained possessively on your waist.

When Pedro finally walked away,but not before looking at you one more time, Alexia’s eyes followed him, her jealousy practically radiating off her in waves.

“Juro que si te mira una vez más… “Alexia muttered under her breath, her hand still gripping your waist protectively. (I swear, if he looked at you one more time…)

“Jealous, are we?” you teased, raising an eyebrow at her.

She scoffed, though her grip on you tightened. “I don’t get jealous.”

You laughed softly, knowing full well that wasn’t true. “Right. Sure.”

Alexia stayed at the store for the rest of the afternoon, supposedly to help Carmen, but you noticed she was really there to keep an eye on you.

Every chance she got, her eyes would dart in your direction, watching how you interacted with customers or the delivery guys.

And every time you acted just a little more friendly than usual—whether it was smiling a bit too much or laughing a little too loud—Alexia’s jaw would tighten, and her mood would darken.

At one point, another delivery guy showed up, and when he asked you about your day, you smiled and answered politely.

Alexia, who had been helping Carmen with a display, immediately stopped what she was doing and moved closer to where you were standing.

Her entire posture screamed protectiveness. She folded her arms and stood just a few feet away, glaring at the guy like he was public enemy number one.

“¿Necesitas ayuda aquí?”Alexia called out loudly, her voice dripping with false politeness. (You need help over here?)

The guy glanced at her, confused, but you shook your head. “No, I’ve got it,” you replied, biting back a grin as Alexia’s eyes narrowed even further.

You were thoroughly enjoying the power you had over her. Alexia was always the one in control, always the one with the upper hand when it came to the women she was with.

But now? Now you had her wrapped around your finger, and it felt incredible.

In the back room, Alexia cornered you, her eyes locking onto yours with a mix of frustration and amusement. “Do you enjoy torturing me?” she asked, her voice teasing yet edged with genuine curiosity as you turned around with a smirk.

“Absolutely,” you replied, savoring the satisfaction of seeing her reaction.

“That’s not fair,” she said, taking a step closer, her body language hinting at playful irritation. “I’m here, stuck not flirting with anyone, while you’re out here flirting with everyone,” she added, her gaze flickering with a mix of challenge and allure.

“Well, let me remind you,” you said, your tone light yet pointed, “it was your idea to avoid flirting and not sleep with anyone just to get a date with me.” You patted her shoulder reassuringly as she let out a huff of frustration.

“I know you’re jealous,” you said, your voice softening, “but don’t worry. In less than two days, it’ll be you I’m going out with, not anyone else… unless, of course, you break first.”

“I won’t break,” Alexia said firmly, her eyes flashing with determination. She moved closer, her hand slipping around your waist as she pulled you into her personal space.

“And after that date, you’ll love it so much that you’ll be begging for another date. Then, you and I will be having the greatest sex of your life,” she added with a cocky smirk, her tone dripping with confidence.

Lately, Alexia had become increasingly touchy with you, and though it was a change, you were thoroughly enjoying the closeness.

“Oh, really?” you whispered into her ear, your arms wrapping around her neck, the intimacy making your heart race.

“Yeah,” she murmured, her breath warm against your skin. “And I assured you you’ll be begging for more” She buried her nose in your hair, her voice trailing off as she inhaled deeply.

“I find that hard to believe,” you said, pulling back slightly to meet her gaze. Her expression softened, the playfulness in her eyes turning to something more tender.

“You’re so beautiful,” she said softly, her eyes locking with yours. The sincerity in her voice made your heart skip a beat.

“I can’t wait for you to be mine,” Alexia continued, her tone earnest. “I’ll take care of you in every way you deserve, and I’ll make sure Mia is well cared for, too.” Her hand caressed your back gently, the tenderness of her touch almost making you swoon.

Her words were like a balm to your heart. She knew how to touch you deeply, speaking to both your own feelings and your love for Mia.

You smiled, leaning in to place a soft kiss on her cheek. “I really hope that after this bet, you’ll still be able to keep your eyes and hands to yourself. Because, honestly, I want that too,” you confessed, your voice filled with gentle sincerity.

“I promised you,” Alexia said, leaning her forehead against yours, her eyes locked onto yours with unwavering sincerity. “I’m only interested in you, no one else…” she assured, her voice soft but filled with confidence.

You nodded, feeling a wave of relief and affection. You kissed her cheek one last time before smiling, which she returned warmly. As you both walked out of the back room, you hoped with all your heart that her promise was true.

With each passing day, you were falling deeper for her, and the thought of heartbreak was becoming increasingly unbearable.

——

Today was finally here—date day. Alexia had truly impressed you by sticking to her commitment, and you were genuinely surprised by her dedication.

You approached Carmen, who was busy arranging flowers behind the counter. “Carmen, I was wondering if you could watch Mia tonight,” you asked, hoping she’d be available.

“Of course, I’d be happy to. Are you going out?” Carmen replied, her voice warm with curiosity.

“Yes, I have a date,” you said with a casual shrug. Carmen’s eyes widened in surprise and excitement.

“A date? That’s wonderful! Let me guess—it’s with Alexia?” Carmen asked, her smile widening as she glanced at you.

“Yes, how did you figure that out?” you asked, intrigued by her insight.

“Por favor! It’s been pretty obvious with the way you two have been looking at each other lately. You’ve definitely gotten closer,” Carmen said, her tone full of knowing amusement.

“Yeah, we did. We actually made a bet. If Alexia could go a month without flirting or being with anyone else, I’d go on a date with her,” you explained, smiling.

“Wow, she really pulled it off?” Carmen’s eyes were wide with astonishment.

“Yes, she did,” you confirmed, chuckling at her reaction.

“She must really like you,” Carmen said thoughtfully. “You know, Alexia has changed a lot since she met you. I can see it in the way she looks at you—there’s a genuine happiness in her eyes now,” Carmen added softly, her gaze filled with warmth.

You smiled, touched by her observation. Carmen knew Alexia like her own daughter, so her acknowledgment of this change meant a lot to you.

“I’ve noticed it too,” you admitted. “She’s been amazing with Mia and with me. It’s like she’s become a different person in the best way.”

“I’m so glad to hear that,” Carmen said, her smile gentle. “You both deserve to be happy. Enjoy your date tonight, and don’t worry about Mia—she’ll be in good hands.”

“Thank you, Carmen,” you said, your gratitude evident in your tone. “I really appreciate it.”

As Carmen gave you a reassuring nod, you felt a mix of excitement and nervousness for the evening ahead.

That evening, after finishing the last touches of your makeup, you stood back and admired your reflection. Alexia had asked you to wear something casual but nice, so you chose a simple yet elegant combination: a soft blouse paired with a flattering skirt.

The anticipation for the night ahead had your heart racing slightly, though you tried to stay calm.

From the living room, you heard Carmen call out, “Y/N, Alexia’s here!” Her voice broke your focus, and you hurried out to greet her.

When you reached the living room, there was Alexia, standing confidently with not one, but two bouquets of flowers and a single flower in her hand.

She spotted you and her eyes lit up, the familiar smile that made your heart skip a beat curling at her lips.

“Hola, guapa,” Alexia said, her gaze sweeping from your head to your toes, taking in every detail of your outfit.

You approached her, leaning in for a hug. She smelled faintly of her favorite cologne, a comforting, familiar scent.

After the embrace, Alexia handed you a bouquet of red roses. “These are for you,” she said softly, watching your reaction.

Smiling warmly, you took the flowers. “Thank you, Alexia,” you replied, placing a kiss on her cheek, which made her grin grow wider.

Alexia then turned her attention to Carmen, holding out a bouquet of yellow roses. “Carmen, me di cuenta de que nunca te he traído flores, así que estas son para ti.” (Carmen, I realized I’ve never brought you flowers, so these are for you,” she said with a playful grin, handing her the bouquet)

Carmen’s eyes softened, clearly touched by the gesture. She pulled Alexia into a warm embrace, gently cradling her face in her hands before kissing her on the forehead. “Gracias, querida,” Carmen said lovingly, a motherly warmth in her voice.

Alexia chuckled softly, the bond between her and Carmen clear to see.

“Where’s Mia?” Alexia asked, looking back at you as you placed your bouquet in a vase in the kitchen.

Before you could respond, an excited voice shouted from the hallway. “Alexia!” Mia came racing into the room, her little feet barely touching the ground as she leapt straight into Alexia’s open arms.

“I missed you so much!” Mia squealed, wrapping her tiny arms around Alexia’s neck.

“I missed you too, nena,” Alexia responded, lifting Mia and holding her close. She then lowered her to the ground, pulling out a single white rose.

“Look what I got for you,” she said, handing the flower to your daughter with a gentle smile. “I hope you don’t mind, but your mommy gave me permission to choose your flower of the week.”

Mia’s eyes went wide with delight as she took the rose. “Thank you, Ale! It’s beautiful,” she said, standing on her tiptoes to kiss Alexia’s cheek.

“You’re welcome, mi amor,” Alexia replied, her expression softening as she watched Mia beam with excitement.

Mia rushed over to show you her flower, and you picked her up, pressing a kiss to her forehead. “It’s beautiful, baby,” you told her, carrying her back toward Alexia and Carmen.

“Alright, baby, Alexia and I are going to head out now. Be good for Carmen, okay?” you said gently. Mia nodded enthusiastically, wrapping her arms around your neck for one last hug. You kissed her cheek, smiling softly.

“Bye, baby. I love you,” you said. Mia waved with her small hand, her face lighting up with a big smile. “Love you too, Mommy,” she said sweetly.

She then turned her attention back to Alexia. “Bye-bye, Alexia!” Mia called, waving at her.

“Bye-bye, mi nena,” Alexia said, leaning down to kiss Mia’s little hand, earning a giggle from your daughter.

With a final look around the room, you and Alexia both said, “Bye, Carmen,” in unison, causing Carmen to laugh.

“Bye, girls! Have fun—but not too much fun!” Carmen teased, sending you both a playful wink. Alexia’s lips curled into a smirk at Carmen’s words, and you rolled your eyes, chuckling softly.

As Alexia and you made your way towards her car, she opened the door for you as you thanked her and she winked at you.

The ride to the restaurant was silent but peaceful.You find it kind of weird since Alexia is never silent and always have something to say.

Even though she’ll never admit it but Alexia was nervous and you could see it by the tap she does with the hand that is resting on her thigh.You decided to tease her a bit.

“You’re nervous” you asked her playfully and she just scoffed.

“Of course not” she said

“Yeah sure” you retorted pointing out her hand on her thigh and she immediately stopped as you laughed.

——

Arriving at the restaurant, you and Alexia were promptly seated at a cozy corner table, giving you just the right amount of privacy. The ambiance was warm, the soft glow of candles casting flickering shadows on the walls.

After being handed the menus, you both quickly decided on your meals, exchanging glances that carried a hint of excitement. It felt like something new was beginning.

When your food arrived, the conversation began to flow naturally between bites. Alexia, sitting across from you, seemed relaxed, more open than usual.

She started sharing stories about her family, reminiscing about childhood adventures with her sister, and funny moments with her friends.

You found yourself leaning in, captivated by the way she painted each story with vivid details. In return, you opened up about your own experiences, feeling a genuine connection deepening between you two.

Of course, it wasn’t long before Alexia, ever the tease, sprinkled in some playful flirtation and cheeky innuendos.

Her eyes gleamed with mischief every time she dropped a suggestive remark, her grin widening when you laughed or rolled your eyes at her antics. It was easy with her, the conversation flowing seamlessly from serious to lighthearted.

The chemistry between you was undeniable. You hadn’t been on a date in a long time, and Alexia made it feel special, like she’d put thought into every little detail. You could tell she wanted to make this night memorable for you, and so far, it was working.

But just as you started to fully relax, savoring both the food and the moment, something shifted. A subtle tension began creeping into the air, casting a shadow over the otherwise perfect evening.

But that date was about to take a turn for the worse… well, for Alexia.

“Ay! Do you remember that time you were telling me a story, but stopped halfway because I got distracted by another woman and wasn't paying attention?” she asked, her tone half-teasing, half-annoyed, as she narrowed her eyes at you. You nodded, a small, sheepish grin tugging at the corners of your mouth.

“You never finished it! I want to know the end,” she insisted, leaning forward in her seat, waiting eagerly. You couldn't help but laugh softly at her persistence.

“Alright, alright. So, Mia and I were—“you started, but before you could get the words out, Alexia suddenly cut you off with a low, startled “Mierda,” her eyes darting past your shoulder.

“What? What is it?” you asked, your brows furrowing in confusion as you followed her gaze.

“Nothing. It’s nothing,” she quickly muttered, trying to dismiss it, but her entire body had stiffened, and she looked like she was ready to slide under the table to avoid being seen.

The tension in her voice was unmistakable, so naturally, you turned around to see what was going on.

There, just a few feet behind you, stood a group of three girls waiting to be seated. They were scanning the room, completely unaware of the storm they were about to bring. You glanced back at Alexia, noticing how she was now staring down at the table, her head tilted just enough to avoid eye contact with anyone in the group.

It was clear she was trying to hide, but it was already too late

“Alexia?” you heard a voice call from behind, and one of the girls from the group stepped forward, her tone dripping with skepticism.

Alexia froze. Slowly, she looked up, giving the girl a strained, awkward smile. “Hola.. um, Alicia?” she asked tentatively, her voice faltering.

“No, es Martina,” the girl replied sharply, clearly offended by the mistake. “Sigo esperando esa llamada que me prometiste.” she added, crossing her arms over her chest, her eyes narrowing as she glared at Alexia, completely ignoring your presence at the table.(No, it’s Martina. Still waiting for that call you promised me)

You blinked, glancing between Alexia and Martina, utterly bewildered by the situation.

“Uh, sí... sobre eso...” Alexia stammered, but before she could say anything more, another girl from the group stepped forward, her eyes widening in recognition. (Uh, yeah…about that…)

“¿Espera, Alexia?” she exclaimed, turning to Martina. “¿La conoces?” (Wait, Alexia?, You know her?)

“Sí, esta tonta y yo salimos como una semana.” Martina said bitterly. (Yeah, this idiot and I went out for like a week)

“Tuvimos sexo,y me prometió que me llamaría, pero me dejó en visto” Her voice was dripping with disdain, and you couldn't help but raise your eyebrows at Alexia, who was now staring at the table, her face flushed with embarrassment. (We had sex, and she promised she’d call, but she ghosted me)

“¡A mí me pasó lo mismo!” the second girl chimed in, her voice sharp with anger. (Same thing happened to me!)

“Nos acostamos, y luego, cuando me la encontré en la calle, actuó como si yo ni siquiera existiera.”She shot Alexia a venomous look, and you could see the color drain from Alexia’s face as she shrank further into her seat, looking like she wanted to vanish on the spot. (We hooked up, and then when I ran into her on the street, she acted like I didn’t even exist.)

As if things couldn't get any worse, the third girl from the group joined the conversation. “Chicas, la mesa está lista.” she said, then paused when her eyes landed on Alexia. (Girls, the table's ready)

“Alexia?” she asked, her face lighting up in recognition. You, on the other hand, closed your eyes and rubbed your temple, feeling the weight of the situation.

The other two girls whipped around to face their friend. “¿Tú también la conoces?”they asked in unison, their voices tinged with disbelief. (You know her too?)

“Si” the third girl replied with a sigh. “Nos acostamos hace un meses, y luego literalmente me sacó de su cama y me echó de su apartamento porque su hermana iba a venir. Luego se disculpó con flores, y tuvimos sexo de nuevo. Ella prometió que me llamaría, pero nunca lo hizo.¡Todavía tengo un moretón por eso!”she added, rolling her eyes dramatically, well that sounds familiar you thought. (We hooked up a couple of months ago, and then she literally pushed me out of her bed and kicked me out of her apartment because her sister was coming over. She then apologized with flowers and we had sex again, she promised she’ll called but she never did.I still have a bruise from it!)

At this point, you could barely believe what you were hearing. Your gaze slid over to Alexia, whose head was hanging low.

“¿También tuviste sexo con mis amigas?”Martina asked incredulously, her voice rising in anger. Alexia just nodded, biting her lip, knowing she was caught. (You slept with my friends too?)

Martina’s expression hardened as she grabbed Alexia’s champagne glass and, without a second thought, tipped it over Alexia’s head.

The liquid cascaded down her hair and onto her clothes. You gasped, eyes wide with shock.

“Eso es por acostarte con mis amigas.”Martina spat, her voice cold. (That’s for sleeping with my friends)

Before you could react, the second girl reached across the table, grabbing your champagne glass. Without hesitation, she poured it over Alexia as well. “Esto es por pretender que no existía y hacerme sentir como si estuviera loca” she said, her glare piercing through Alexia. (This is for pretending I didn’t exist and making me feel like I was crazy)

Finally, the third girl took the bottle of champagne that had been sitting in the middle of the table and dumped the entire thing over Alexia’s head. “Y esto,” she said with a smirk, “es por darme un moretón.” (And this is for giving me a bruise.)

The entire time, Alexia didn’t say a word. She just sat there, drenched in champagne, fully aware of how badly she had messed up.

Her usually confident demeanor was completely shattered, and she knew there was no escaping the consequences of her actions.

The three girls turned and walked away, but not before one of them lightly tapped you on the shoulder and said, “Buena suerte, tia” with a wink. (Good luck, girl)

The whole restaurant had gone deathly silent. You could feel everyone’s eyes on your table, all of them watching the fallout of Alexia’s disastrous past.

You smirked and picked up your fork, continuing to eat as if nothing had happened. She had it coming, and you couldn’t help but feel a little vindicated.

Alexia looked at you, her eyes wide with disbelief, but you just shrugged. “Don’t look at me like that. You deserved it. You’re a jerk,” you said casually, turning back to your plate while Alexia slowly got up, mumbling something about going to the bathroom.

When she returned, still slightly damp and clearly humiliated, the two of you decided it was time to leave. Alexia paid the check without a word, and the two of you walked back to the car in utter silence, the tension between you almost tangible.

Neither of you said anything on the drive home, and the weight of everything that had just happened hung in the air between you, too thick to ignore.

As you arrived at your apartment, the silence from the restaurant lingered between you and Alexia. Standing in front of your door, you turned to her, trying to lighten the mood.

“Well… that was fun,” you said, managing a small, somewhat strained smile. Alexia responded with a sad, half-hearted smile of her own.

“Yes, um… I’m really sorry about all of this” she said, motioning to her champagne-soaked clothes, her voice filled with remorse.

“It’s okay,” you said gently, trying to reassure her.

Alexia hesitated, then asked nervously, “Entonces… ¿crees que podríamos, ya sabes, intentarlo de nuevo?” She fiddled with the ring on her finger, clearly anxious. (So… do you think we could, you know, give it another shot?)

You sighed, gathering your thoughts before responding, “I don’t think so,” you said softly. Her head snapped up, eyes wide with surprise.

“Didn’t you enjoy yourself? Well, before everything went wrong?” she asked, her voice betraying her insecurity.

“I did enjoy myself, especially when everything went wrong. And Alexia, I really like you,” you admitted, your voice earnest.

Her expression softened, and she looked relieved, if still uncertain.

“I really like you too, Y/N. And if you’re worried about me seeing other girls again, I promise I won’t. You’re the only one I want,” she said quickly, her eyes pleading with you.

“It’s not just about that,” you said, shaking your head. “ I have to think about more than just myself. I need to consider Mia too,” you explained. Her brow furrowed in confusion.

“Mia loves me,” she said, her tone a mix of confusion and hurt.

“I know she does, but imagine if something like this had happened while Mia was with you. What do you think she would say?” you asked, your voice firm but compassionate.

“He estado con Mia muchas veces antes y nada como esto había sucedido.”she said desperately. (I’ve been out with Mia plenty of times before, and nothing like this ever happened)

“Yeah, but that doesn’t guarantee it won’t in the future,” you pointed out. “I’m really sorry, Alexia, but as much as I like you and want to be with you, I think we’re better off as friends,” you said, your heart heavy. She looked at you with sadness in her eyes but nodded slowly.

“Come here,” you said, opening your arms. She stepped into your embrace, her face buried in the crook of your neck as she whispered apologies. You gently rubbed her back, offering comfort as best as you could.

When you finally pulled away, Alexia pressed a soft kiss to your forehead. “I’ll fix this, I promise. I’m not giving up on us,” she said with determination, her eyes locked on yours.

“I know you won’t,” you said with a soft smile. “Goodbye, Alexia,” you said, opening the door to your apartment.

“Adios, guapa,” she replied, giving you one last smile before turning to walk away.

As Alexia made her way down the hall, she was overwhelmed by a swirl of emotions—feeling foolish, embarrassed, and heartbroken.

She regretted missing her chance to be with you but was resolute in her determination to make things right. She walked away with a promise to herself to fix the situation and not give up easily.

——

You hadn’t seen Alexia in nearly a month after that night. She stopped visiting the store, and the only communication between you was through sporadic text messages.

Mia, who had grown quite fond of Alexia, missed her terribly. She frequently aked about Alexia’s absence and why she wasn’t coming around anymore.

You found yourself making up various excuses, claiming Alexia was tied up with work commitments.

Despite her absence, Alexia still took the time to call Mia occasionally to wish her good night, which you found genuinely touching and appreciated.

The only glimpses you got of Alexia were on TV, during her matches that you and Mia watched together. On screen, she looked striking—blonder than before and just as captivating.

You often asked Alexia when she would be coming back to the store, but her answers were consistently vague.

She would simply say, “soon.” The last time she gave you this response was two weeks ago, leaving you wondering when she would actually return.

“Mia, no running in the store, baby, please,” you called out, watching your daughter race around the aisles for what felt like the hundredth time in the past ten minutes.

You had no choice but to bring her with you today since Maria, your usual babysitter, was sick and couldn’t look after her.

“Sorry, Mommy!” Mia yelled back as she skidded to a halt. You walked over, picked her up, and set her on the counter.

Just as you were about to speak to her, the familiar ring of the door bell sounded, and you looked up to see Alexia entering the store.

Before you could even react, Mia leaped off the counter, causing your heart to skip a beat, and sprinted straight for Alexia, shouting her name at the top of her lungs. She flung herself into Alexia’s arms without hesitation.

“I missed you so much, nena,” Alexia said, wrapping Mia in a tight embrace and kissing her lightly on the shoulder as she walked over to you, Mia still clinging to her.

Alexia didn’t let Mia go immediately. She waited, cradling her close until Mia finally pulled away and smiled up at her.

“Why haven’t you been here? I thought you left me,” Mia said, her lower lip jutting out into a pout. The words made your heart sink, the thought of Mia feeling abandoned tugging painfully at your chest.

Alexia’s expression mirrored the heartbreak you felt. “Oh, no, nena. I would never leave my favorite person in the whole world,” Alexia reassured her, pressing a few more soft kisses onto Mia’s cheek, clearly trying to make up for the lost time.

“Alexia, do you wanna see all the drawings I made?” Mia asked, her eyes lighting up with excitement.

Alexia grinned and nodded, more than ready to follow Mia’s lead. They headed toward the back room, Mia tugging on her hand eagerly.

As they passed by, Alexia glanced at you, her eyes soft. “We’ll talk later, okay?” she said quietly, her voice filled with an unspoken apology. You nodded in response, not needing to say anything at the moment.

On their way to the back room, Alexia greeted Carmen with a quick hug and a few exchanged words. Carmen smiled and gestured them through.

During your break, you decided to check in on them. As you stepped into the back room, your breath caught at the sight in front of you.

Alexia and Mia were lying together on the small bed Carmen had set up for Mia’s naps when she visited the store.

Mia was curled up on top of Alexia, her tiny body tucked against Alexia’s chest, her face nestled in the crook of Alexia’s neck. They were both fast asleep, breathing softly in perfect unison.

You couldn’t help but smile at the scene. It was a picture of calm and warmth, a reminder of just how close Mia had grown to Alexia.

You stepped closer quietly and grabbed Mia’s favorite blanket, gently draping it over both of them. As you adjusted the blanket, Alexia stirred, her eyes fluttering open. She blinked sleepily at you before offering a soft, sleepy smile.

You smiled back, and for a moment, neither of you spoke. There was an unspoken understanding between you.

Alexia had missed you more than she could express, and you could see it in her eyes. She had been distant, but you knew she was trying to make things right.

Carefully, Alexia shifted, sitting up slowly to avoid waking Mia. She gently placed Mia on the bed, tucking the blanket securely around her tiny frame. After making sure Mia was settled, Alexia quietly got up and approached you, her gaze soft but intense.

Without a word, she pulled you into a tight hug, the warmth of her embrace familiar. “¿Cómo estás?”she asked softly, her voice low in your ear. (How are you?)

“I’m good. And you?” you replied, pulling back slightly to look up at her. Alexia smiled, echoing your words. “Good.”

You rested your head against her shoulder for a brief moment, her scent and the comfort of her touch bringing back memories.

Then, in a quiet voice, you whispered, “I missed you. Where have you been?” You pulled away enough to look her in the eye, the question hanging between you.

“Let’s talk outside so we don’t wake her,” Alexia suggested gently, nodding toward the sleeping Mia. You nodded in agreement, and with that, she took your hand, her touch warm and steady.

Leading you out of the back room and through the store, you let Carmen know you’d be stepping outside for a moment.

Once outside, the cool air hit your skin, and you felt a little lighter, but the conversation ahead weighed on your mind.

Alexia gave your hand a reassuring squeeze before letting go, and the two of you found a quiet spot to talk, close from the store.

“So... where were you?” you asked, cutting straight to the chase, unable to hold back the question any longer.

Alexia let out a soft sigh, her eyes flickering with a mix of nerves and determination. “I’ve been thinking a lot about what you said,” she began, her voice quiet but steady.

“After what happened on our date and how you didn’t want Mia around if something like that ever happened again.”

You nodded, recalling the conversation clearly. That night had been chaotic, and the thought of Mia witnessing anything similar made your stomach turn.

“Bueno... sé que puede no parecer mucho para ti, pero realmente quería asegurarme de que esa situación no se repita” Alexia continued, her gaze earnest. (Well... I know it might not seem like much to you, but I really wanted to make sure that situation never repeats itself)

“I didn’t want to risk women getting mad at me in public with Mia around... so, I decided to go and apologize to every single woman I’ve hurt.”

You blinked in shock, her words taking a moment to sink in. “Wait, what?”

“Si” she said, with a nervous chuckle, running a hand through her hair. “It took a while—a month, actually. There were... well, a lot of women. But I made sure to apologize to every single one of them for treating them badly, using them, or hurting them in any way”

You stared at her, your surprise evident. Alexia had always been confident, even a little cocky at times, but this... this was something entirely different. “Wow,” was all you managed to say, the weight of her actions hitting you.

Alexia offered a small smile, clearly relieved by your reaction. “I want to be different. A new version of myself,” she said, her tone soft but determined.

“No more womanizer Alexia, no more jumping from girl to girl. I want to be Alexia who’s focused on only my four girls” She paused, letting her words hang in the air.

You furrowed your brow, unsure who she meant. “Four girls?” you asked, curiosity piqued.

She grinned, her eyes softening. “Si. My mom, my sister, Mia and you.”

At that, your heart melted completely. There was a sincerity in her voice that struck a chord deep within you. “I think I like this new Alexia,” you said, your voice gentle but full of warmth.

Alexia smiled wider, clearly touched by your response. “I like her too,” she said, and you could feel the shift between you, something unspoken yet understood.

Without thinking, you wrapped your arms around her neck, pulling her into a tight embrace. Alexia responded immediately, her arms circling your waist, holding you close.

The hug felt different this time—not just physical closeness, but emotional connection, a promise of something deeper.

After a long moment, she whispered into your ear, “I was worried you’d be mad at me for disappearing.”

You shook your head gently, still nestled against her. “No, I could never be mad at you for taking the time to figure things out. I’m proud of you for doing that,” you said softly, pressing a light kiss near her ear as a small gesture of reassurance.

Alexia pulled back slightly, her hands resting on your hips, but she didn’t let go. “I’ve got to head to training now,” she said reluctantly, her eyes searching yours. “But... would you and Mia come to my match tomorrow?”

“Really?” you asked, excitement bubbling up. You knew how much Mia adored watching Alexia play, and you could already imagine her reaction.

“Yeah,” Alexia said, her grin widening. “Don’t worry about tickets—I’ve got plenty set aside for friends and family. Please come. It’ll be fun.”

“Of course! Mia’s going to be thrilled,” you replied, already imagining Mia’s excitement when you told her. Then, after a brief pause, you added, “Also, after training, would you like to come over for dinner?”

Alexia’s eyes lit up at the invitation. “I’d love to,” she said, her voice warm as her hands squeezed your hips gently, as if to seal the moment. “I’ve missed you both so much. I’d love to spend time with you two again.”

You smiled, your heart feeling lighter than it had in weeks. “We’ve missed you too,” you admitted softly, your voice carrying the weight of the time that had passed.

Alexia smiled back, and for the first time in a while, everything felt right again.

——

“When is Alexia coming?” Mia asked for what felt like the hundredth time tonight, her little voice full of impatience and excitement.

“Soon, baby,” you said, smiling as you gently squeezed her chubby cheeks, making her burst into a fit of giggles.

A few minutes later, there was a soft knock at the door. Mia's eyes lit up as she gasped, “Alexia!” Her excitement was infectious, and you nodded, her joy mirrored in your own smile.

You walked over to the door and opened it to reveal Alexia standing there, her familiar warm smile lighting up the space.

She had Nala cradled in one arm, and in the other, she carried a Barca bag. “Nala!” Mia squealed, holding out her hands towards the dog.

Alexia knelt down and gently set Nala on the floor, and with a wagging tail, the little dog scampered inside, Mia trailing closely behind, laughing as she chased her around the room.

“I think Mia loves Nala more than she loves you,” you teased, laughing as you looked over at Alexia.

Alexia chuckled softly, eyes crinkling at the corners. “I think you’re right,” she agreed, shaking her head playfully.

Stepping inside, Alexia pulled you into a warm hug. Her familiar scent and comforting presence made everything feel just a little brighter.

After the hug, she joined you in the kitchen, sleeves rolled up, ready to help with the last bit of dinner prep.

Together, the three of you worked in perfect harmony, Mia perched on a chair stirring something while Alexia handed you ingredients.

The kitchen was filled with soft laughter and the clinking of dishes. By the time dinner was ready, the atmosphere was as warm as the meal itself.

You all sat down at the table, Mia in the middle of you and Alexia, happily chatting as she recounted her day in between bites of food.

The sound of her tiny voice mixed with the hum of evening conversations made the moment feel blissfully perfect.

After dinner, you moved to the living room, where the three of you sprawled out on the floor, playing with Mia’s collection of dolls. Mia giggled as you and Alexia helped the dolls “talk,” her laughter bubbling up every time one of you made a silly voice.

“Hey, Mia, guess what?” you asked her, lowering your voice like you were about to share a big secret. Her wide eyes locked onto yours immediately. “What?” she asked, voice full of curiosity.

You exchanged a knowing glance with Alexia, and a smile crept across both your faces. “Tomorrow, we’re going to see Alexia play at the stadium,” you revealed, your voice filled with excitement.

Mia gasped loudly, her eyes widening even more as she whipped her head toward Alexia. “Really!?”she asked, practically bouncing in place. Alexia nodded with a soft smile.

Without hesitation, Mia flung herself into Alexia’s arms, wrapping her tightly in the biggest hug her little body could muster.

Alexia laughed, her arms wrapping around Mia in return. “I have something for you too,” Alexia said, her voice gentle and playful. “For both of you,” she added, glancing at you with a smile.

She stood up and grabbed the Barca bag she had brought with her, then sat back down next to you, her eyes twinkling. With a flourish, she pulled out a tiny jersey, perfectly sized for Mia, with her name on the back.

Mia’s eyes went as wide as saucers. “A new jersey!” she exclaimed, clutching it like it was the most precious thing in the world.

“Thank you, Ale!” she squealed, and in an instant, she was up and planting a big kiss on Alexia’s cheek. “Look, Mommy! A new jersey!” she said, proudly showing it off.

“I see it, baby,” you said, matching her joy with an exaggerated gasp and a wide smile. “It’s perfect!”

Alexia wasn’t done yet. She reached into the bag again and pulled out another jersey, this one larger, clearly meant for you. You raised your eyebrows, a smile tugging at the corners of your lips.

“And this one’s for you,” Alexia said with a wink. “Since I know I’m your favorite player, of course I had to choose my jersey,” she teased, a playful grin on her face.

You couldn’t help but laugh, shaking your head. “Thank you, Alexia,” you said softly, your heart full as you leaned in and kissed her cheek. “It’s perfect.”

Mia, already wearing her jersey over her pajamas, threw her arms around your neck, beaming up at you both. “Now we can all match” she exclaimed, her little face glowing with excitement.

You smiled, kissing her on the cheek. “Yes, we can! We’ll all wear them tomorrow for the game,” you promised, imagining how happy Mia would be to wear her new jersey to the stadium.

Alexia watched the two of you, her gaze soft and filled with warmth as she took in the sight of Mia nestled in your arms, the three of you wrapped in this quiet, loving moment. It was the kind of simple joy that made everything else fade away.

At bedtime, Mia sweetly asked Alexia to read her a bedtime story, and Alexia, with a bright smile, happily agreed without hesitation.

Mia, already tucked under her warm blankets, gently handed Alexia the book she had chosen for the night, her eyes shining with anticipation.

Alexia gratefully accepted the book and thanked her, but before she could begin, Mia looked over at you standing in the doorway. “Mommy, come too,” she said softly, her small voice filled with warmth.

You stepped into the room, the soft glow of the bedside lamp casting a peaceful light across the room. Sitting down beside them on Mia's bed, you felt her tiny hand reach out for yours.

You held it, the warmth of her fingers a comforting reminder of the moment, as Alexia opened the book and began to read, her voice steady and soothing, bringing the story to life.

Only five minutes into the story, Mia’s eyelids fluttered shut, and she drifted off to sleep, her chest rising and falling gently with each breath.

You quietly stood up, careful not to make a sound that might wake her, and leaned in to plant a soft, tender kiss on her forehead. The warmth of her skin and the calm expression on her face filled you with love and peace.

Alexia, with a soft smile on her face, followed your lead and leaned down to give Mia a gentle kiss as well. Together, you both quietly tiptoed out of the room, leaving Mia peacefully asleep, her dreams already beginning.

Since it was still early, you and Alexia decided to spend more time together by watching a movie. The mood was light and comfortable, with a relaxed air between the two of you.

While you busied yourself making popcorn, you could hear Alexia humming softly as she browsed through the movie options, searching for something just right.

When the popcorn was ready, you walked over and sat down close beside her, the warmth between you instant. She smiled at you, her eyes soft and full of affection. “Ready?” she asked, holding the remote.

“Ready,” you nodded, returning her smile. Nala was lying peacefully on the floor, her breathing slow as she slept through the evening’s calm.

As the movie played, you slowly started to feel tired. Alexia noticed the way your head began to dip slightly, and without saying a word, she shifted closer to you, wrapping an arm around your shoulders. “Come here,” she whispered, gently pulling you into her side.

You leaned into her, letting the weight of the day melt away in her embrace. Her hand found its way to your hair, gently running through it in soft, soothing strokes. “You okay?” she asked quietly, her voice tender.

“Mmm, yeah, just tired,” you murmured, already feeling sleep pulling at you.

“Go ahead, rest. I’ve got you,” she whispered, her hand continuing to caress your hair, lulling you into a deep, peaceful slumber.

You didn’t even notice when you fully drifted off, lost in the comfort of her arms and the warmth of her presence. Time seemed to disappear until you were gently woken by Alexia shifting next to you.

“Hey,” she whispered softly, her hand still in your hair as you blinked yourself awake. “Sorry, I didn’t want to wake you, but it’s getting late and I should go.”

You rubbed your eyes and nodded, sitting up a little. “It’s okay. I didn’t mean to fall asleep,” you said with a small, sleepy smile.

Alexia smiled warmly, brushing a stray strand of hair from your face. “You looked too peaceful to wake up sooner,” she said with a gentle laugh. She stood up, stretching slightly before you both walked toward the door, Nala following lazily behind.

Once at the door, you opened it for her, the cool night air drifting in. Alexia stepped outside and then turned back toward you, her smile soft and full of warmth. “Thank you for dinner tonight. It was perfect,” she said sincerely.

You stepped closer to her, feeling a soft blush rise in your cheeks. “Thank you for the jersey,” you said with a shy smile. “I can’t wait to wear it tomorrow.”

Alexia’s eyes lit up. “I can’t wait to see you wearing it tomorrow,” she replied, her voice playful but sweet.

She moved closer, her hands gently resting on your hips, and you instinctively wrapped your arms around her shoulders, pulling her even closer.

“Please don’t tease me like you did in the kitchen the other day,” Alexia said, her voice low but teasing, a grin tugging at the corners of her lips.

You laughed softly. “I’m not teasing,” you whispered, before leaning in and kissing her.

The kiss was soft and sweet, but there was a deeper connection between you. It felt natural, almost as if you had been waiting for this moment.

Her arms tightened around your waist, and you melted into her, letting the warmth of the moment surround you. Your lips moved together in sync, the kiss growing more passionate as your tongues met, exploring each other.

Alexia sighed contentedly into the kiss, pulling you even closer as if she never wanted to let go. You could feel her heartbeat against you, and it was as if time had stopped, the world outside disappearing.

But then, Nala’s sudden bark broke the silence, causing you both to laugh into the kiss, reluctantly pulling away from each other. Alexia chuckled softly, resting her forehead against yours. “Finally,” she breathed, her voice a mix of relief and happiness.

You grinned and playfully kissed the tip of her nose. “You really made me work for that,” she teased, her hands gently rubbing your sides. “But it was worth every second.”

You smiled softly, your heart full as she leaned in and kissed you again, this time just a light, sweet peck on your lips.

“Okay, I really need to go now,” Alexia said with a soft sigh, her reluctance clear in her voice. She didn’t want the night to end.

“I’ll see you tomorrow?” you asked, your voice soft, not wanting to let her go just yet.

“Of course,” she said, smiling warmly at you. “See you tomorrow, guapa,” she added, pressing a tender kiss to your forehead before stepping back, her eyes lingering on yours.

“Goodnight, Alexia,” you whispered, your heart full as she gave you one last smile before turning and walking away, Nala trotting beside her.

You watched her disappear down the path, closing the door with a happy sigh, feeling like you were floating. The night had been absolutely perfect. Everything—every moment, every word—was just right. You couldn’t wait to see her again tomorrow, already counting the minutes.

——

“Mommy, look, Alexia is coming out of the tunnel!” Mia exclaimed, her voice bubbling with excitement.

All day, Mia had been bouncing with energy, even waking you up at 6 a.m. by jumping on your bed and insisting you get up for the Barca match, even though the match was in the afternoon.

Her enthusiasm was contagious, and you were just as thrilled to see Alexia play live, rather than through a screen.

After your kiss yesterday, you and Alexia had been texting non-stop, sharing flirty messages and exchanging photos. You had sent her a cute picture of you and Mia wearing her jersey to show your support. When Alexia saw the photo, she couldn’t help but smile widely and set it as her lockscreen background.

“Yes, I see her,” you said, nodding as you watched Alexia warming up on the field. She looked stunning—her hair tied back in a ponytail, her powerful legs ready for action, and her intense focus. It was hard not to think she looked incredibly attractive.

Every so often, Alexia would glance towards the stands, searching for you and Mia. When she finally spotted you both, Mia jumped up in her seat, waving her arms excitedly. Alexia’s face lit up with a huge smile as she waved back.

Then Alexia caught sight of you and playfully blew you a kiss. You returned the gesture, and she caught your kiss, pressing it to her heart with a cheeky grin.

The match started, and Barca took control of the game right from the beginning. At one point, Alexia scored a breathtaking goal, and the entire crowd erupted in cheers. Mia was beside herself with excitement, jumping up and down and chanting Alexia’s name.

When the game ended and it was time to leave, you carried Mia through the bustling crowd to make sure she didn’t get lost.

As you made your way down the stairs, you received a message from Alexia telling you to joined her at a certain spot so she’like pick you and Mia up.

You walked to the designated spot, and Mia continued to chatter excitedly about her favorite moments from the game, her eyes sparkling.

Soon, you saw Alexia’s car pulling up. You opened the door, and Mia immediately reached out to Alexia, wrapping her arms around her in a warm embrace.

Alexia hugged Mia tightly and asked, “Did you have a great time at the match?”

Mia’s face lit up as she replied, “Yes! I loved it! It was amaziiiing!” She stretched out the word, her excitement palpable.

“Come on, Mia, climb into the backseat,” you said gently. Mia eagerly obeyed, sliding into the car.

Alexia looked a bit concerned as she apologized, “I’m really sorry I don’t have a car seat. I’ll be very careful, though.”

“It’s okay, Ale,” you reassured her, fastening Mia’s seatbelt with a smile.

Once you were settled in the front seat, Alexia started the car and asked, “And how about you? Did you enjoy the game?”

“Yeah! I loved it! It was amaziiiing!” you said, imitating Mia’s enthusiasm, which made Alexia laugh.

Mia, still full of energy, playfully called out, “Hey! Meanie mommy,” which made you laugh and apologize in a cooing voice.

The car ride was filled with warmth and laughter, a perfect end to an unforgettable day.

——

Arriving at Alexia’s apartment, you and Mia were enveloped in the cozy ambiance of her home. The first thing Mia did was dash over to Nala, who was lounging on her favorite spot.

Mia greeted her with an enthusiastic hug and a flurry of kisses, her excitement palpable. Nala responded with playful wagging of her tail and happy barks, clearly delighted by the attention.

Alexia joined in, her laughter filling the room as she played with Mia and Nala. The three of them engaged in a lively game of fetch, with Mia giggling every time Nala brought the toy back. The joy in the room was infectious, and you found yourself smiling, watching the delightful scene unfold.

Meanwhile, you decided to take a moment for yourself and wandered into the kitchen. You poured a glass of water and savored a few quiet minutes.

The soothing hum of the refrigerator and the occasional clink of the glass were calming. Just as you were about to finish your drink, you felt a familiar and comforting sensation: arms wrapping around your waist from behind.

You smiled, leaning back into the embrace. Alexia’s warmth surrounded you, and you felt an immediate sense of peace. She planted a tender kiss on your forehead, her lips lingering slightly as she embraced you.

Turning in her arms, you looked up into her eyes and reached for her lips. You shared a soft, lingering kiss, the world outside seeming to fade away as you lost yourselves in the intimacy of the moment.

“Did you catch that amazing goal I scored today?” Alexia asked, her eyes twinkling with excitement.

“I did,” you replied, your smile widening. “It was incredible!”

Alexia’s cheeks flushed with pleasure. “Good,” she said with a mischievous grin. “I scored it just for you.”

You teased her playfully, “Do you use that line on every women you want in your bed?”

Alexia’s smile softened, and she shook her head gently. “Only one,” she said, her voice tender. She then rubbed her nose against yours before pressing her lips to yours in a sweet kiss.

As the kiss deepened, Alexia hummed softly and whispered against your lips, “You look so stunning in my jersey. But I bet you’d look even more amazing without it.” Her voice was filled with warmth and affection, making your heart race with excitement.

You laughed, enjoying the playful exchange. “Maybe one day you’ll get to see,” you said, your tone light and teasing.

Alexia’s arms tightened around you, and she beamed with satisfaction. “Can you believe you went from ‘in your dreams’ to ‘maybe’?” she said triumphantly, her eyes dancing with joy.

You laughed and leaned in for another kiss, this one more passionate, as the joy of the moment enveloped you both. The kiss was filled with the depth of your feelings, and you both savored the connection.

Just then, a small voice broke through with an emphatic “Ewwww!” You pulled away abruptly, eyes wide with surprise, and turned to see Mia standing there with a mix of curiosity and concern.

“Mommy, why are you kissing Alexia?” Mia asked, her brows furrowed. You glanced at Alexia for guidance, but she looked just as taken aback.

“You can’t kiss her! She has a girlfriend,” Mia declared, her little face serious. You were amazed at how much she remembered and understood.

“Um… I…” you began, struggling to find the right words.

Sensing the need for clarity, Alexia walked over to Mia and gently knelt in front of her, her eyes filled with sincerity. She gestured for you to join them, which you did, feeling a mix of anxiety and affection.

“Mia, sweetheart,” Alexia began softly, her voice tender and earnest, “I kissed your mommy because I really, really like her. I care about her a lot, and that’s why I kissed her.”

Mia looked at Alexia, her confusion slowly giving way to understanding. “But what about the girl at the store? You were holding hands with her?” Mia asked, her little face full of questions.

You interrupted . “um…that girl was just a friend of Alexia, honey. Sometimes friends hold hands too, just like you might hold hands with your friends.”

Mia seemed to accept this explanation, her face lighting up with a new understanding. “Oh,” she said, her tone softer. “But are you in love with my mommy? Is that why you kissed her?”

Before you could respond, Alexia took a deep breath and looked at Mia with heartfelt sincerity. “Yes, Mia, I am in love with your mommy. Very, very much,” she said, her voice filled with emotion.

“I hope that’s okay with you because it means I’ll be spending a lot of time with you too, if your mommy wants that.”

You looked at Alexia with surprise and admiration, deeply touched by her openness and the depth of her feelings.

Mia’s face lit up with joy, and she threw her arms around both you and Alexia in a warm, enthusiastic hug. “Yes, you can be in love with my mommy! I want to spend all my time with you and Nala! You’re my bestest friends!” she exclaimed, her happiness evident. She then ran back to Nala, eager to continue their playtime.

As you and Alexia stood up, you looked at her with a mixture of wonder and love. “So, you’re really in love with me?” you asked, your voice trembling with emotion.

“I am, more than I ever thought possible,” Alexia said, her eyes shimmering with sincerity. “I finally figured out what was that feeling in my stomach… You make me so incredibly happy. When I’m with you, nothing else seems to matter.”

Feeling overwhelmed by your emotions, you kissed her deeply, the connection between you both palpable. The kiss was a reflection of your deep feelings, filled with passion and tenderness.

“I’m in love with you too,” you whispered against her lips, your voice filled with heartfelt truth. Alexia’s eyes brightened with joy as she picked you up and spun you around in a joyful embrace.

“Is it official? Are we together?” she asked, her voice filled with hopeful anticipation.

“Yes, we are,” you replied with a beaming smile. You covered her face with affectionate kisses, and she laughed, her joy radiating from her.

“I’m happier than I’ve ever been,” Alexia said, her voice glowing with happiness as she held you close. The world around you felt perfectly right, enveloped in the warmth and love you shared.

——

“Hola, guapa!” Alexia greeted with a bright smile as she entered the shop, leaning in for a quick but tender kiss.

“Hola, Carmen!” she added, turning to Carmen with a warm hug. Carmen reciprocated the hug with equal affection, clearly delighted by the visit.

You and Alexia have been together for six months, and these months have been the most fulfilling of your life. Alexia has been the perfect partner, balancing her caring nature with her playful teasing and occasional cheeky jokes. Despite her antics, you wouldn’t change a thing about her.

“I’m heading to training, but I just had to drop by to see your gorgeous face and hear your lovely voice,” Alexia said, her tone flirtatious and full of affection.

“You’re really inflating my ego today,” you laughed, enjoying the compliment.

Alexia’s eyes sparkled mischievously. “Do you want to go on a date tonight? Alba can come by your apartment to look after Mia. I’ve already asked her, and she’s more than happy to,” she proposed.

In the past six months, you’ve had the pleasure of meeting Alba and Eli, Alexia’s mom, both of whom have been incredibly warm and welcoming towards you.

They were also quite surprised, because you were apparently first woman Alexia had ever brought home to meet them.

“I’d love that,” you replied, a smile spreading across your face. You leaned over the counter, and Alexia promptly met you with a sweet kiss.

“See you tonight, mi amor,” Alexia said as she pulled away, giving you a flirtatious wink before heading out the door.

Carmen looked at you with a knowing smile. “Looks like someone’s in for a special night,” she said, her eyes twinkling with mischief.

“Please, don’t ” you replied, trying to maintain your composure as you got back to work.

That evening, Alexia picked you up and took you to a charming restaurant that you had been wanting to try.

As you arrived, she held the door open for you with a courteous smile, and you both were shown to a cozy table by a window with a view of the city lights.

“I’ve been looking forward to this all day,” Alexia said as you sat down, her eyes shining with excitement. She reached across the table, taking your hand in hers.

“So have I,” you replied, squeezing her hand gently. “It’s been such a perfect day already.”

Alexia’s smile widened as she perused the menu. “What are you in the mood for tonight? I’m thinking we should share some tapas and then maybe have that dessert we’ve been eyeing.”

“That sounds wonderful,” you agreed. “I’m craving the croquetas and the patatas bravas.”

As you waited for your food, you both talked about everything from the latest football news to funny anecdotes from your week.

Alexia updated you on her training sessions and some of the amusing moments from practice, her laughter filling the air and making you smile.

“So, I scored this amazing goal today,” Alexia said with a proud grin. “You should’ve seen the way the ball curved into the top corner. I’m still buzzing from it.”

“You were incredible,” you said, your eyes sparkling with admiration. “I was watching on the live stream, and I had to rewind it a couple of times to make sure I wasn’t imagining it!”

As the evening continued, the food arrived, and you both enjoyed sharing plates of delicious tapas. The conversation flowed effortlessly, filled with laughter and light-hearted teasing.

When dessert came, you both indulged in a decadent chocolate mousse, feeding each other bites and exchanging playful banter.

By the time the check arrived, you both felt completely content. Alexia walked you to the car, her hand intertwined with yours. As she drove, she glanced over at you with a soft smile.

“I’ve had such a great time tonight,” she said, her voice filled with warmth. “Being with you always feels like a perfect escape from everything else.”

“Me too,” you replied, leaning over to kiss her cheek. “Every moment with you is just… right.”

Alexia parked the car back at your place, and as you both walked to your door, you turned to her with a tender expression.

“You’re staying the night, right?” you asked, your voice filled with a mix of eagerness and affection.

“Of course,” Alexia responded with a playful grin, leaning in to give you a soft, lingering kiss. She then gave you a light pat on the butt, making you both laugh softly.

Once inside your apartment, you moved quietly to avoid disturbing Mia, who was soundly asleep in her room. You thanked Alba for taking care of her, chatting briefly about the night’s events and exchanging warm goodbyes before she left.

After changing into more relaxed attire, you and Alexia headed to the bedroom. The room was softly lit, casting a warm glow over everything.

You and Alexia were making out in your bed and as Alexia’s kisses grew more insistent and heated, the atmosphere between you became electric. You felt a surge of confidence and gently pulled away, your heart racing.

You removed your shirt slowly, letting it fall to the floor, and then slipped off your shorts, leaving yourself completely naked. Straddling Alexia, you could feel her eyes on you, her admiration evident in the way she looked at you.

“Dame un pellizco.”Alexia said suddenly, her voice tinged with disbelief. Her eyes were fixed on your chest, not meeting yours. “I need to make sure this isn’t a dream.” (Pinch me)

You raised an eyebrow, both amused and touched. “What?”

“You always said this would only happen in my dreams,” she explained, her gaze still locked on your chest. “I need to be sure it’s real.”

You chuckled softly, guiding her hands to your breasts. “Does this feel real enough?” you asked, and she responded by gently squeezing, causing you to let out a soft moan.

“So real,” she murmured, her voice filled with awe. With a loving smile, she wrapped an arm around your waist and shifted your position so that you were lying on your back, with her on top of you. Her kisses traveled from your neck to your collarbone, each touch tender and full of longing.

“I can’t wait to finally have you,” she whispered against your skin, her lips moving to your chest. Her kisses were warm and tender, sending shivers of pleasure through you.

You moaned softly, lost in the sensation of her touch.

After finishing, you both lay there, panting and completely naked. You rested on top of Alexia, savoring the moment as her fingers traced soft, calming patterns on your back.

“How was it?” she asked softly, her voice a mixture of curiosity and satisfaction.

You lifted your head from her chest, meeting her gaze. With a tender smile, you kissed her lips gently. “Incredible,” you whispered, placing another light kiss on her lips.

“I did it,” Alexia said with a playful grin, her eyes twinkling with triumph. “I told you I’d never give up. I promised you that one day you’d be naked in my bed,” she said, smirking proudly.

You arched an eyebrow, a mischievous smile on your face. “Well, technically, you haven’t fully achieved that yet, since this is my bed,” you teased.

Alexia chuckled, her eyes sparkling with mischief. “It’s only a matter of time before we’re doing this in my bed,” she said, her grin widening. “And on my kitchen table, the counter, in my bathroom… I’ll make sure we make love in every room and piece of furniture in my apartment” she added with a sultry smirk.

“Hmmm, that sounds like quite the adventure,” you replied with a playful tone. “But for now, let’s head to the shower and get dressed. I have a feeling tomorrow morning will involve a tiny person bouncing on us,” you said, getting up and stretching.

Alexia groaned but grinned as she started to get up. “You’re probably right,” she said, her voice a mix of amusement and resignation.

As you both moved toward the shower, the warmth and intimacy of the evening lingered, promising more moments of closeness and affection to come.

——

The next morning, you awoke to the gentle sensation of a hand softly caressing your cheek.

“Hola,” Alexia whispered tenderly, and you instinctively moved closer, savoring her warmth. “Hola,” you murmured back, leaning in for a quick, loving peck on her lips.

“Mmm, I could really get used to waking up next to you every day,” she said softly, closing her eyes as a contented sigh escaped her lips. You traced your fingers through her hair, feeling a deep sense of peace.

“Me too,” you agreed, your heart swelling with happiness. Alexia then wrapped her arms around you, pulling you on top of her. Her gaze was filled with tenderness as she said, “Te amo.”

The words caught you off guard, and for a moment, you were speechless. It was the first time Alexia had ever said those words to you.

After a few seconds of letting the moment sink in, you responded with equal fervor, “I love you too, so much.” You kissed her deeply, the passion of the moment outweighing any thoughts of morning breath.

As you pulled away, Alexia’s eyes sparkled with affection. “Ay! By the way, I was thinking, you never finished that story you started at the store and then at the date. I’m dying to know how it ended!” she said with a playful pout. You chuckled at her eagerness.

“Oh, right! So what happened next is that Mia and I…” you began, but before you could finish, the bedroom door swung open with a burst of excitement. Alexia groaned in mock frustration, clearly disappointed at the interruption.

“Mommy! Ale!” Mia exclaimed, her tiny feet pattering as she clambered onto the bed with your help.

“Good morning, my little sunshine,” you greeted, pressing a soft kiss to her cheek.

“Morning, nena,” Alexia said warmly, planting a kiss on Mia’s cheek as well. Mia giggled, clearly delighted by the affection.

“I’m hungry!” Mia declared, patting her stomach with a dramatic flourish.

“Ooh, the little monster is hungry!” Alexia said with a grin, sitting up and playfully nudging Mia. You slid off her, and Alexia began to tickle Mia, who erupted in infectious laughter.

As you watched the two of them, a deep sense of contentment enveloped you. Here you were, in Barcelona, living a life filled with love and joy.

You felt an overwhelming sense of gratitude and fulfillment, knowing that you had finally found the happy ending you’d always dreamed of… even if it was with a former womanizer.

FIN.

[simpjaes]

BOOK SMART? P*SSY SMART. — P.JS

The one where Jay basically lives in the university library and you live in any and every party you can find on campus. Unfortunately, your grades are suffering over it and you need help. You’re quite lucky though because Jay is quite helpful. 

minors do not interact. 

WORDCOUNT― 10k

PAIRING― inexperienced loser jay x afab reader

CONTENT―  Jay wears glasses even tho the banner says otherwise lol, he’s also a loser ass dweeb in this, open minded and playful reader, college au, jay just rly wants to get in that but doesn't know how to

NOTE― this is a revamp, surprise surprise, nobody is shocked. was originally written for mark lee over on my other blog @/ncteez but i need jay like i need air so….cackling at the title tho, my brain is malfunctioning pls forgive me

smut tags under cut:: 

smut tags :: MONSTER COCK AGENDA. Jay is a pervert and smells ur towel lmao, mentions of food and detailed popsicle eating,  reader is very vocal and talkative, slight use of the pet name “pretty”, a lot of cum, cream pie, unprotected sex, mention of bc pills, Jay has a huge cock and he didn’t even know it, inexperienced Jay, experienced reader, finger sucking, nipple sucking, grinding, oral (f recieving), Jay gets on his knees, making out, sex on a table

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

         It wasn’t shocking that you were failing but it was shocking that not a single one of your friends were failing with you. They somehow managed to keep their grades up while partying just as often as you do. You don’t know how the hell they did it and you also don’t know why the hell they refuse to help you study now that they’ve seen your failure.

         Not the greatest friends, you think. They won’t help you study because they only have time to study their own classes and to continue partying without you, apparently. You knew you had to come to terms eventually that these people aren’t your friends. They’re just people to party with, people to have fun with, and apparently, people that will watch you struggle.

         It’s frustrating to walk home from classes by the run-down houses with booming music already playing. Without fail, every time, you wish you could be attending instead of studying. It’s even more annoying when you give up on your studies because you’re just not fucking getting it, and you probably would be fucking getting it if you were at a party talking to potential boyfriends or fuckbuddies. 

         Fairness in the world is so hard to grasp. Someone else always has it, but never you. The worst part about all of this is that you’re very aware of how lucky you actually are, you wasted away in college and allowed yourself to get this low simply because you were lucky enough to be well-liked. You prioritized the pointless things over the important things, and now you’re suffering for it. Complaining that you can’t attend parties, looking like a bore to your friends who pity and are embarrassed by you for not being able to multitask like everyone else.

         That’s right. You can’t party and study like everyone else, so maybe now it’s time to focus on the task you’d pushed aside for so long.

         Studying. Ugh.

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

         You don’t know Jay past the fact that he is in at least three of your classes, extremely quiet, and constantly in the library when you pass by to leave the campus. You’re a little bit ashamed to admit that the majority of people you are well-liked by are the people who are ignoring you right now. The only choice you have is to find someone that can help you catch up on all of the studies you’ve blatantly abandoned. You could go through the student center and “officially” attend tutoring sessions with someone who would likely scoff at you for not getting it, or you could find someone of your own choice to help you. 

         That’s the only reason Jay comes to mind. Again, he is in three of the four of your classes. Every semester, without fail, you’ll look for your name on the dean’s list knowing that it’ll never show up, but you have seen Jay’s name on that list more times than you care to remember. 

         Jay knows of you as well. The girl who cut in front of him in the cafeteria to grab coffee with her large group of friends, making him ten minutes late to be early for his class. The girl who loudly slammed a book down in the library and nearly gave him a heart attack, the girl who came into class stumbling and giggling with one of the guys, clearly still tipsy from the night before. 

         You are everything that Jay isn’t. You are everything he avoids when accepting friends into his life, and his interest in you doesn’t really go past the point of having a stubborn, pretty girl to look at. He is a man after all. A man who is finally away from home, surrounded by hormonal women and men who can’t see past their brain fog of sexual fantasies in class. Never towards him though, he’s usually just on the outside looking in. 

         Jay has those fantasies too, but it isn’t his focus. He is dead set on being a top student, one that people recognize on the academic end rather than the partying end of it all. So, here he is, sitting with his nose in a book, glasses sliding down every few minutes as he munches on a pack of crackers. He’s been here for three hours already and finds comfort in the silence of the library. It’s such a vast place with so many corners to hide in if someone were to come and disturb his peace. Today is no different from any other Friday, where few students choose to study and instead opt for one of the various frat parties or bar hops. 

         You wish you could be one of those people, truly, but instead, you’re making your way to the library in search of Jay. The one student who you assume may actually take you up on the offer of study sessions. You imagine his shocked face when you sit in front of him, and you try your best not to imagine a look of disgust rather than approval. You need Jay now, for the first time in your life, more than ever. His knowledge of the three out of four classes you have will surely work wonders on your GPA, you will probably have to admit how much you’d be relying on him in order for him to even consider your offer too.  

God, you hate begging.

The library is so deafeningly silent when you walk in. You can’t hear even the slightest of a whisper as you walk around and peek into the many empty study rooms and cubicles. After several minutes of searching, the anxiety bubbles up inside of you. What if he decided to do something else? Of all days? The one day where he is needed to be studying? 

Just as you turn to leave, ignoring the entire second floor of the library, you nearly walk straight into him. And by nearly, you actually do  walk directly into him. 

Books clatter to the floor, Jay sighs as he looks down without making eye contact with you. It’s not the first time he’s been walked into and it probably won’t be the last. He is forever wishing that people could just watch where they’re fucking going.

“Hey, I’m sorry–” You go to say as you lean down to help him pick up the mess, he still doesn’t look at you though. Honestly, he barely even notices you there with those airpods in his ears and eyes on the floor. 

To be fair, most people who walk into him just continue walking, so…

         When he does take note of another person helping him retrieve his things, he looks up. You’re not shocked that all he does is nod at you when he takes the book from your hands and makes his way back towards his study space. 

         In an awkward way, you follow him. You feel dumb and kind of lost in this world of books and good students. Up the stairs, towards the floor you’d not even bothered to check, Jay unintentionally leads you to his little corner that already has papers and books laid out. 

         You swallow hard when he takes his seat and looks up to see that you have followed him. Jay is quick to swipe one of his AirPods from his ears and you can kind of tell that he instantly went from relaxed to nervous.

“Uh–” You look around, feeling awkward standing there. “I was looking for you.” 

“Me?” Jay questions with a soured look on his face. He doesn’t really do it intentionally, it’s just, like, what? 

 “Why?”

“Okay, just hear me out.” You start, taking a few steps forward and inviting yourself to sit at his table. There is absolutely no arm space on this side, but that doesn’t entirely matter. You begin your pitch.

“I know it’s kind of weird, but, I’m failing.”

“That’s not weird.” Jay mocks, shaking his head and moving to put his airpod back in his ear.

“Wait! Just, please–hear me out.” You plead now, a little frustrated that he’s already refusing to help you.

         He looks around and then lets out a deep sigh. Rubbing his temples, he nods.

“I know we aren’t the type to like, help each other or whatever– but I’ve asked all of my friends, and they kind of blacklisted me…you are my last resort, I swear.” You say, begging with your eyes. “Can you please just help me study for like, one day a week?”

         His body is stiff and his face is unimpressed by your pitch. 

“An hour a week?” You adjust clapping your hands together to plead even harder. You very nearly start to grovel on the ground before him. “Jay, please. I need to get my grades up.” 

“If you had just given yourself a day a week, you wouldn’t have to be asking someone you’ve never even spoken with to help you study.” He rolls his eyes, still mocking and appearing a bit cocky at the sudden power he’s been given. Of course he only gets approached when someone needs something from him. 

 “How many classes are you failing?”

“I’m failing three classes and have a C in another–” You shamefully admit. “Just an hour a day, please.”

         Jay eyes you over, shifting a bit in his seat before letting out another sigh. 

“Finals are barely a month away.”

“I know! I’ve already got extra credit lined up so I can at least get my grades up by a letter but– I,” You look down, more ashamed than before.

“You don’t know how to actually do the extra credit, do you?” Jay finishes for you and is, for some reason, shocked when you nod. 

         He can see the panic in your eyes, and he noticed for the past week that you’d been looking incredibly tired around campus. Not the hung-over type of tired either. He’s noticed you move your seat closer to the front in one of the classes and even noted that you’re actually taking notes during your time spent there. Maybe he should help you out. If not for the fact that you genuinely seem to need it, but also maybe because he’s like, incredibly aware that he is attracted to you.

 He always has been, but that’s not the fucking point. 

“Okay, you can come study with me whenever you want then. I usually study here because I have a roommate who isn’t exactly the quietest person–” He goes to explain. 

“I have an entire apartment to myself, you can come study at my place. Really, I’ll make food and everything.” You panic, still trying to sell the idea despite him already accepting your offer. 

         Jay is a little shocked and offended that you have your own apartment, and yet you’re failing your classes. No way in hell are you paying for that yourself. This only prompts him to want to help more. Because, like? An entire apartment to study in? Where a pretty girl makes his food? 

“Okay, that can work. What days and times can I be over?” He follows up with a nonchalant nod, noting the three shared classes and the one other you’ll probably need help with. He hopes he’s already taken the outlier class, otherwise he won’t be much help in that regard. 

“You can walk home with me after those classes if you want, and we can study until you’re ready to leave?” You offer. “I mean, it doesn’t have to be every day, but–”

“We can meet up after every class and decide if you want to study or not.” Jay finishes for you yet again, and you nod with a smile. 

“What’s your favorite food?” You ask, wanting to make a mental note of keeping your end of the bargain. 

         Jay thinks hard at that because being put on the spot like this makes answering any question a bit difficult. 

“Here–” You hold out your phone. “Put your number in and you can think about it. I’ll text you so you have mine.”

 You can’t wipe the smile off of your face, the anxiety is practically dissolving from your body at the very idea of someone being willing to help you in the comfort of your own apartment.

         He, on the other hand, is a bit more anxious now. He realizes that now, he’s going to be studying with you. A girl who had never even looked at him twice during the semesters you’ve shared classes. He’s putting his number into your phone, and you’re going to be texting him, and spending time with him instead of going to the parties that he’s never invited to. 

“I’ll see you on Monday?” You ask in his silence, sending a quick text to him so that he can save your number. He nods and looks down at his books. “Don’t forget to text me what you want to eat, okay?”

         He nods again as you stand to walk away. He watches intently at the way you have a little bounce in your step and can’t help but feel his cheeks flushing. God, why is he doing this to himself? 

         Slamming his head on the desk, he, much like you, cannot stop smiling now. All thoughts of studying for the remainder of the night left his head and were replaced with his new study schedule. He thinks he will try and take it easy this weekend, specifically so he is mentally prepared. He’s only talked to you for a total of fourteen minutes and he’s already lost his ability to study and think clearly. 

If he’s lucky, the two of you will pass this semester with flying colors. There’s still that tiny part of him though, that wonders if maybe you’d find interest in him, and maybe he will fail the semester with you because, honestly, you are so distracting.

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

         On Monday, you sat up straight in class while eyeing the back of Jay’s head most of the time. Mostly to prepare yourself for if and when he makes a break for it. He hasn’t even texted you what he wants to eat today, and part of you wonders if he went back on his promise to you. Not that it was much of a promise in the first place, anyway.

         He was a little shocked that you weren’t the first out of the room once everyone wrapped up though. Like you, he was assuming the same thing. You’d make a fucking break for it and pretend you never approached him in the first place. After all, It was common for you to leave mid-way through class or be the first one out the door. Instead though, he finds himself proud of you. You stood there awkwardly looking at him as the room emptied out, clearly unsure of what to do or say to him.

         Jay nods your way as if to beckon you towards him. 

“You’re still wanting to study today?” He asks with a brow raised in surprise. 

All weekend he had thought about it. Thought about the possibility of it just being a joke to you, or maybe that you’d change your mind and allow yourself to flunk out like you already had been doing. His heart kind of jumps a bit noticing you looking at him like this. 

“Yeah? Wasn’t that the plan?” You ask, nudging him a bit once you get up beside him. “You didn’t text me what you wanted to eat so you’re just gonna have to eat whatever I have in the fridge, by the way.”

         Jay nods, opting to stay silent at this moment. He’s going home with you. He’s going to be seen on campus walking home with you. He’s not the sort to want attention, but this situation feels dangerously attractive to him. Especially when he takes note of how you’re probably going to look all…cozy and at home in your apartment. Like, he gets to be in your space teaching you things that you should have already known. 

         It all shouldn’t be so exciting. After all, his days are filled with the typical boring sessions of reading, writing, noting, and memorizing. It is exciting for him though. Never has he studied with someone like you, or really even gotten to talk to someone that most of the men speak to, the unreachable men no less. The ones with families that own the city, and all the houses in it.

You’re one of the unreachable women on campus, he thinks. The ones with standards based on fun, attractiveness, and chaos rather than charisma, personality, and knowledge. It’s kind of a once-in-a-lifetime thing for Jay to be doing this right now.

“Okay, so...” Jay drones out, avoiding eye contact with you as he packs things into his ratty backpack. “I’m not super hungry right now but–we are going to your place right?”

He needs the confirmation himself if he’s being honest. Nothing would suck more than assuming and being proved wrong.

         You nod with a smile, grabbing his hand as soon as he throws his backpack on. It isn’t intimate to you, but for him, it’s…something. Holding his hand is reserved for intimate relationships with family or girlfriends. He never holds hands.

 He’s never really gotten the chance to anyway, aside from a little cousin when they were crossing the street last summer. He can’t help but buckle in on himself in a shy sort of way as you lead him from the room and out of the building. 

         You’re rambling about all of the things you need to study. All of the snacks you could offer to him. All of the hours you wish you hadn’t wasted partying, yet, all he’s thinking about is how warm your hand feels in his. You seem to be a natural at talking to people. Touching them without a single worry in the world, it’s kind of nice, he thinks. The fact that you aren’t ashamed to be seen together with him, heading towards the place you sleep. Sometimes Jay forgets that this is college. No one actually cares who is hanging out with who unless they are in the middle of a raunchy frat party, seeing their love interest getting touched against a dirty bathroom counter. 

         He smiles to himself as he finally catches up to you and allows you to stop dragging him around. He keeps pace with you now, resting his hand as if to allow you to let go, but you don't. 

“Just around that corner–” You say,  glancing over at him and noting the shade of color his face has become. “You good?” 

         Jay nods, staying quiet and trying to force himself out of his thoughts. He glances down at your hand holding his and then back up at you on instinct. 

“Ah, sorry.” You mumble, releasing his hand and trying hard to understand that maybe you truly are too clingy with most people in your life. You think his reaction was kind of cute though, and now you’re a little determined to help him relax those stiffened shoulders. Jay can’t be as boring as he seems, right?

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

“I have peanut butter and jelly, eggs, noodles, some leftover pizza and–”

“I’m not hungry, but If I can have some water or something, that would be cool.” Jay cuts you off, slipping off his shoes in an immaculate show of how clumsy he is. You can hear the clatter of your entire coat rack falling to the floor due to his weight leaning on it through that single task. 

“Okay–” You side eye his mess with a slight smile. “Water, got it.”

 You trail off to get him the drink, keeping a small mental note of how nervous he appears to be right now. He’s panicked, frantically trying to balance your coat rack back in place as if you hadn’t walked directly into him just the Friday before. 

“Jay, it’s just a coat rack.” You laugh with water in hand, hearing him mutter a sorry as he hangs one of your empty purses back onto it.

“Thanks.” He says now, reaching out for the drink.

         Watching his eyes go from the glass of water to your apartment, you smile at the look on his face. Such a smart guy acting so incredibly stupid the moment he’s alone in an apartment with a girl. Cute.

“Is this good?” You ask as if you’re offering a change of subject so that he doesn’t have to think about the coat rack he had just knocked over. You point over to your dining table that’s placed perfectly in a little nook against a window and look at him as he stands in place. “We can start whenever you’re ready?”

“Can you show me to the bathroom first?” Jay blurts, hyper-aware of his awkward demeanor. He needs to calm himself down before even thinking about sitting down to fucking study. 

   You point to the bathroom quickly, making your way to the table and adjusting everything so there is space for the piles of books soon to be laid on it. You watch only a little bit at how Jay makes his way over to said bathroom in a show of not-so-confident body language. He seemed kind of cocky on Friday, but today he seems to be like jelly. 

         You sit at the dining table without thinking much more of the man in your bathroom, instead, you pull out some textbooks and lay them out.

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

         Jay stares at himself in the mirror, he can practically see the blood rushing to his cheeks and ears as he comes to terms with the fact that he probably shouldn’t have agreed to come to your apartment to study. You’re attractive. That alone is a reason in his head to avoid it, but he’s here and he’s already made a fool of himself. 

         He slaps his face a bit with some cold water and tries to will himself to stop acting like such an awkward idiot. Surely you’ll pick up on his inability to talk to women if he doesn’t get it together, right? You’re going to think he’s some weirdo, a pervert maybe, before throwing him out and avoiding him forever.

         Staring harder at himself, he waits for the color to run from his face so that way he can get out there and start the study session, but then his eyes start to wander. 

         Your bathroom is immaculately clean save for some makeup stains on the counter and a few stray hairs that must have been yanked out of your head while you attempted to brush out a night of drinking. It smells fresh and your perfectly hung towels look plush hanging against the wall. Without a thought in his head, he leans towards the towel so that he can dry his face and hands, and that’s just what he does. Except, maybe he buries his face into the towel a bit longer than he needed to, and maybe the smell of it was so astronomically sweet that he nuzzled against it even more.

         He could tell the towel had been used at least once though, solely because he could smell a scent that wasn’t the soap on the counter, nor any laundry detergent he’s aware of. Then…his eyes flick to the actual hand towel that he somehow missed, right beside it? A lace bra. The flush comes back to his face, making him feel even warmer than he did when he entered the room. Which feels like a fucking nightmare if he’s being totally honest. 

         It dawns on him again. He’s in your apartment, smelling your towels, and staring at your bra. Coming to the bathroom in an attempt to calm down has done nothing more than make things worse, and the only option he has now is to stumble out of the bathroom hoping you assume he was in here doing number two rather than planting his face into a towel where you dry off your naked body. 

         Mumbling to himself, Jay prepares himself to face you. Sure, you probably see nothing out of the norm if he does well and hides the fact that he’s hyper-sensitive just for being in your space, then again, Jay has never been the best at playing pretend.

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

You offer him a bright smile once he finally makes his way back into your living space and seats himself at the table. He seems to be avoiding eye contact with you, bashfully pulling his own books out of his bag with shaking fingers. 

“Are you okay? You sure you don’t want a snack or something?” You look at him, head tilting at him in concern. 

Jay finally looks at you and notes how comfortable you seem while he feels like he’s internally falling apart. There shouldn’t be any fucking issue in his head when it comes to this situation, but here he is, panicking because a pretty girl is in front of him. 

He feels so dumb, so obvious, so embarrassed. Yeah, maybe he should eat something, at least so he can buy some time to focus on something else before he starts stuttering through your studies. At this rate, all you’re going to learn about today is how awful Jay is around women. 

“Maybe I should eat, yeah–” He says in a small voice, still staring at the books as he places them on the table.

“Come look in my kitchen, we can eat something together?” You offer, reaching toward his hand. 

He pulls back from your touch and tries to play it off casually like he was just reaching for a pencil, but you didn’t miss the fact that his hands were cold and shaky.

Taking note, it starts to dawn on you. You’ve dealt with men like him before, and it was always an interesting situation. To check your theory, you rise from the chair and lean over the table, being sure to squish whatever cleavage you have visible to make it more visible to him. 

“Salty or sweet?” You ask, watching his eyes intently and the way they struggle to reach your face. Score one for you, Jay is definitely a man above all. Luckily for him, you have lots of experience in that field, while he appears to have very little in the field of women. 

“W-what?” He drones out, pulling his eyes away from you in an attempt to hide the way his face immediately flushed. 

“The snacks? Savory or sweet?” You laugh, propping yourself back from the table and hopping into the kitchen, checking behind you to see if he follows.

He does stand to follow, but by the time you round the corner, he isn’t behind you like you figured he would be. Peeping your head around the corner, you watch as he holds his hands in front of his groin, looks down at himself, and then lets out a deep sigh. You then watch as he adjusts himself in his pants, uncomfortably hiding a semi-hard on so that he could come into the kitchen without suspicion. 

By this point, you’ve already decided that studying will very likely not be part of today’s schedule. He wouldn’t be able to focus on a damn thing like this, right? You should help him, right?

“Took you long enough.” You joke as he appears in the kitchen, turning to look at him and intentionally trailing your eyes down his body just to see if you can see any sort of bulge. He’s safe though because he apparently must have skills in hiding his arousal during the worst times. 

Jay, on the other hand, can already tell that your shift in mood is intensely different compared to before he went to the bathroom. Twice now you’ve been blatant towards him and it is not helping him at all right now. Is he reading it wrong because he’s very obviously horny right now? Were you really trying to dangle your breasts in front of him like that? Are you really checking him out right now? 

“Sorry–” He looks down. “I– uh, I dropped something.” He offers as an excuse, uncomfortably trying to shift from your view and avoid eye contact. 

“Sure.” You say with a roll of your eyes, knowing full well that he was hiding his cock. “I want something sweet. Sounds good?” You change the subject, reaching out and running your fingers down his arm. 

He swallows hard, stiffening his shoulders and nodding to you. Without hesitation, you let your fingers stay against him for a few seconds longer, keeping eye contact with him before turning and opening a cupboard. 

“Peanut butter crackers, cereal, and oatmeal.” You deadpan, slamming the cupboard and stepping to the fridge. “Pudding.” Then you open the freezer. “Popsicles, and ice cream.”

Jay just stands there when you close the doors to the fridge and look at him in question. He could opt for the crackers but his throat is already dry enough. Choking right now would be even more humiliating. Cereal could work but that would be embarrassing too, for some reason. Oatmeal is an option, solely for how disgusting it looks, surely it would tame his boner. 

But, popsicles? Hell no.

“Grab whatever you want, I'm eating a popsicle.” You say, raising a brow and throwing open the freezer door again to take your pick.

Of course, it’s  intentional. It’s fun to see his eyes light up at the very idea of seeing you eat a popsicle, and even more fun to imagine how flustered he’s going to be in mere minutes.

Jay looks to the floor and heads towards your fridge, also opting for a popsicle despite his very recent internal protest. Mostly so you don’t think he’s a pervert when he inevitably sees you eat it. But also, like, just in case you really are trying to flirt with him right now, at least his lips will taste sweet too. 

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

You had expected Jay to get flustered, and boy did he. What you didn’t expect though, was to become flustered yourself by the image of Jay’s tongue darting over sweet ice, and then over his own lips to suck up the melted and sticky juice. The only image in your head right now is the idea of if he would lick his lips like that if you were to spread your legs for him. Would he lick up your mess on his face, chasing the flavor the same way he’s doing right now?

A dull ache begins to spread throughout your body as you watch him. His eyes still avoid you but you manage to catch him a few times. Each time he makes eye contact with you, your gaze shoots to his lap just to see if he’s gotten hard enough for his cock to leave its tucked position in his waistband. 

Jay is hyper-aware now too, with the way you’re staring and almost leaving your popsicle unattended as he eats his own. He feels confused, like? Are you doing what he was actively avoiding doing to you? Jesus, you really are kind of a whore, god.

By the time the popsicles are finished, your fingers are sticky from allowing it to drip down the stick. You make a point to suck each of your fingers innocently, looking under your lashes at him for split seconds as you begin to shuffle through the papers on the table. 

“So–” You say, popping one finger out of your mouth and inserting another. “Can we start here? I need to have a paper written on at least one topic on this list and have no idea how to find a good source to read from.”

Jay hears and sees you in tunnel vision right now, but he manages to catch the ass end of your sentence and begins to try and focus on the studies at hand. Still watching you suck your fingers into your mouth, he clears his throat and places his own popsicle stick onto the table, pretending he doesn’t wish your tongue would lick him like that.

“I wrote mine based on this topic, and I found a lot of good sources for it. I don’t think our professor would think too hard about us choosing the same subject–” 

“Yeah, especially because it’s me. They’d never guess you’re in my apartment right now.” You laugh, smirking over at him. 

“I would’ve never guessed either–” Jay says without thinking, barely processing how embarrassing he is before you squint at him with a wider smile. 

“Oh yeah?” You ask, raising a brow and leaning forward. “Why’s that?” 

Jay tries to look around but now can’t seem to force his eyes away from you. A much different circumstance compared to before when he couldn’t bring himself to look at you. There’s a connection here, he can feel it. You’re definitely coming onto him and you have been for the past however long he’s been here.

“You’re kind of out of my league, don’t you think?” He laughs more at himself than he does the situation, and to you, he honestly looks pitiful after saying that. It’s incredibly attractive to you in the way he seems to praise you for being a failure simply because he’s attracted to you. At least, that’s the case if you’re reading him right.

“Who said someone like you couldn’t teach me a thing or two?” You have a smile in your voice, and it comforts him, but that comfort is shot down when you stand on your feet and walk over to him. “Who says I’m out of your league?” You ask again, watching him scoot back with his chair as you come closer.

You prop yourself against the table, essentially blocking him from his books and papers. You look down at him now, dipping your head in a playful way. “I don’t think I’m out of your league.” 

Jay notes how you’re between him and the table now. You look comfortable leaning in front of him like this, and when his eyes trail up to your face all his body can do is give in. He looks at you through large eyes, the overhead light is sparkling through them at you. 

In that instant, you can see his embarrassment fill his body because he’s no longer resisting the urge to be himself. He’s staring at you as if you could be a god and saying nothing in response to your words. 

“If anything, Jongie–” You soothe him, grabbing one of his hands and smiling at the way his pen immediately falls out of his grip. “You’re out of my league.” 

He blinks up at you, soaking in the words and not yet understanding in full what you’re doing until he feels warmth enveloping the entirety of his hand and wrist. 

“Do you know how lucky I am that you’re here right now?” You ask him, basking in the way you can see his breath get caught in his throat. “How lucky I am that you’re not only smart but hot too?”

He dips his head at this, a bashful show of your words having an impact on him. He hides his face briefly against his arm and then he realizes–

“Is this okay?” You ask, holding his hand in place as you begin to move your hips against his palm.

Jay watches the way you’ve managed to pull his hand out and plant it between your legs, all so you could grind against it without so much as a warning. He’s not against it though, if anything, his head is shot back to reality and he’s immediately back to glancing around the room and avoiding the scene in front of him.

His palm is against your literal, dampening panties, and all he can think to say right now is, “You could write your thesis on human connection and its effects on the brain.” 

You smile at his attempt to continue to study through this moment.

“I could,” You say with a deeper voice than before, feeling the way his hand stays relaxed in your grasp as you grind against it. “Or we could think about how your brain is being affected right now?”

Jay groans, feeling the warmth of your wet beginning to seep through the fabric, and honestly, it is happening so fast that he’s sure it would be more embarrassing if he walked out now. 

“How are you feeling?” You reword your question towards him, intentionally swiveling your hips so that you can position his fingers into your underwear. 

“You’re warm.” Jay chokes out, eyes now zoning in on your legs slightly spread in front of him. 

You let out a small laugh at this, pulling a bit on his arm to pull him closer, but he doesn’t compute it at all. 

“Do you like it?” You ask again, this time slipping his fingers into you. You let out a deep sigh and roll your eyes back, fucking yourself gently against his fingers before you look at him.

He’s nodding, probably more thankful now that you’d worn a skirt today rather than pants. He didn’t allow himself to take note of your attire, because if he did, he would have made even more of a fool of himself. But he’s nodding now, watching the way you hold his arm in place and slide his fingers in and out of you. 

His silence is louder than his words could be right now, you think. You can feel him straighten his fingers inside of you, you can practically see him salivate at the very idea of how you’re using him right now. You’re not done though, no, no. He’s far too sweet like this, but you want to hear words.

Gently, you pull your hips back effectively slipping his fingers out of you. There, you lift his arm and examine your wetness against his fingers. You smile again, eyes now adjusting to his face rather than his wet fingers. 

Jay watches as you guide his fingers to his lip, and without a second thought, he opens his mouth to taste you against them. He licks circles around each of the two fingers, closing his eyes almost instantly so that he can relish the experience.

He no longer cares how awkward he must seem sitting here like this, letting you do all the work.

“Do you like the taste too?” You ask, releasing his hand and watching how he continues to suck his fingers. 

“Mhm–” Jay groans with his closed mouth around the digits, making damn sure to suck every bit off.

“You’re pretty, you know that?” You compliment him this time, tearing your eyes from him and slipping your panties down your legs. You turn yourself over so that you’re now bent over the table and you ignore the corner of one of the textbooks poking against your ribs, all in favor of what sound Jay will make when he opens his eyes. 

“You can taste more, if you want.” You offer, lifting to look behind you at the way his fingers drop from his mouth and his eyes immediately zone in on your bare pussy displayed for him under your hiked-up skirt. 

He does let out a whimper, one that seemed entirely desperate to do just that for you but–he doesn’t move. He just stares, soaking in the words you’re saying, memorizing each fold and dip in your glistening pussy.

You don’t intend to wait though. Reaching behind you, you grab the back of his head by his hair and guide his face to you. The way you can hear his chair tip over as he falls to his knees makes you quiver a bit before him, and you’re almost surprised to not just feel a face against you. It appears that Jay does know what he’s doing. 

He instantly jumps into action, loving the feeling of your hand in his hair basically telling him to do it. Giving him that green light, letting him.

You can feel his tongue exploring and his other hand reaching to lift your skirt entirely over your ass. His tongue is soft, warm, wet, and so entirely eager to lick and suck every inch of you. It’s not until he starts allowing his moans to vibrate into your flesh that you hike one of your legs up and open your cunt against his working tongue more.

Guiding him by his hair still, you press his face harshly into you with little to no fight for air from him, and you’re loving it. Loving the way he whines for more when his tongue reaches the furthest limit, loving even more when he finally reaches his hands up to your pussy and spreads it out for himself.

He isn’t even thinking at this moment, just tasting and feeling you guide his tongue as if this is what you wanted all along. The thought alone of someone like you wanting to fuck his tongue like this sets his cock on fire in so many ways. He’s so hard right now that it hurts to think about it at all. Jay doesn’t give a single fuck about how pathetic he must sound to you right now, whimpering and panting against you as if this was the only sweet thing in your apartment he wanted to eat anyway. 

You hear a clatter to the floor, knowing for a fact that he’s knocked his glasses off of his face from the angle in which he skewed his neck in order to fuck his tongue into you. You wonder what’s going through his mind right now, because goddamn he’s eating you out like it’s the only thing he’s ever wanted. He’s impressively messy and loud with it too, making you feel as if you must taste like the sweetest thing on earth to him. 

For some reason, thinking back to all of the non-sexual situations you’d passively seen Jay in? It turns you on even more. The big-brained student who is constantly making straight As and never going out to parties eats pussy like this? Eats your pussy like this? Better than half of the men you’d already been with? Jay doesn’t miss a single centimeter of it,  and you can tell he’s focusing on you more than he has ever focused on his homework or studies before. 

You feel so deeply needed at this moment by Jay that all you can do is let out a desperate moan for him. One so that he knows he’s not the only one utterly stunned by the turn of events, but also because you’re fucking loving what he’s doing to you.

With each moan, Jay picks up his pace, using those same two fingers and spreading your cunt out impossibly wider just so he can attempt to bury his tongue deeper into the messy, wet heat you offer. He’s spreading you apart so well that it almost pains you to move without the fear of being torn open by his tongue alone. Your clit has barely even been reached but he still managed to make you feel sensitive to the point of wanting to beat your fists on the table out of sheer frustration for not approaching him sooner. 

Not only can he help you pass your classes, but he surely could make you feel like a fucking queen on top of it all, licking you open, up and down, as if he were born and trained for you and you alone? Insane.

“You’re so–” You groan out, releasing his hair from your grip but pressing your ass out more so that you can feel him slip his tongue back to your clit with impossible reach. He continues that, sliding his tongue from your clit to your entrance, dipping in and swirling the muscle before going back to your clit. All while he’s moaning, groaning, and panting against you. 

It’s too much, he’s so incredibly eager that you’re honestly too sensitive to let him keep going. You hate it when you pull your hips forward and lift from the table. Your legs are shaking when you do this, and shaking even more when you turn to face him and lean against the table again. 

“How–?” You look down at him in pleasant surprise, watching him lick his lips much like you hoped he would. “How are you so good at this?” 

Jay is stunned by your question because in all fairness, he’s only ever eaten a girl out once and like, it wasn’t that great because she made him stop within like a minute. He wasn’t really thinking about what to do with you though, or how to do it. He just…did it. That’s all. So obsessed with the taste and smell of you to the point he couldn’t stop himself even if he wanted to. He’d still be licking you right now if you didn’t move away. 

“I–don’t know.” He shamefully admits, nonchalantly moving his hands to his pants and unbuttoning them. Not to fuck you or anything, mostly just to release his cock from the chokehold of the denim rubbing against him. 

“You’re lying.” You deadpan, running your hand between your legs and quivering the moment your fingers run over your swollen clit. “There’s no way you haven’t practiced doing this.” You gasp, looking at him as if no other man exists. 

He shakes his head, looking up at you from the floor with innocent eyes. His lips are wet, his eyes are hooded, his hair sticking up from your fingers guiding him– it’s a lot to see him like this when you’ve only ever seen him as that goody-two-shoes student who doesn’t know how to have fun. Clearly, Jay knows how to have fun.

Your gaze on him makes him feel more bashful as he looks down to the floor, feeling embarrassed that you’re praising a complete amateur at this. 

Using your leg, you nudge him.

“You did all of that and didn’t even touch yourself?” You ask in curiosity, noting how he had only just now undone his pants to relieve pressure. “Let me see it.” You say again, almost demanding as you hop up on the table and spread your legs even more.

Frantic at your tone of voice, Jay stumbles to his feet and pushes his pants down to his thighs. His cock springs out and stands erect in front of you. You could stare all day, honestly. Jay, of all people? He’s the one with a cock this big? He’s the one with a size that could make you feel as if you’re being split in half? Well, fuck.

“God.” You comment, mouth falling open at the way it twitches in mid-air. “All of the girls would be fucking swooning, Jay, really.” You get a bit flustered yourself because only now do you understand who you just seduced and what he’s got to offer outside of brains. 

In all of his shyness, Jay hides his face from you again despite his cock out in all of its glory. Your mouth could honestly start watering if he hadn’t just eaten you out to the point of needing him to stop. Meaning, your throat is too dry right now to start drooling. 

Without another thought, you pull your shirt and bra off all in one go. No way in hell is he leaving without fucking you stupid with a cock like that. Absolutely no fucking way  would you let this go to waste.

“When’s the last time you’ve done anything with a girl?” You ask now, reaching for his arm and pulling his gaze back towards you, now almost completely naked save for your skirt hiked up to your waist. 

Jay stares at you again, much like he did when you spread your legs in front of him, this time zoning in on the way your nipples are erect and begging for his mouth to be put to use again. He nearly forgets that you’re talking to him because of the way you’ve presented yourself to him. The reality is right in front of his face, but he still wonders if this must be a dream.

“I–um– right out of high school before she broke up with me,” He says in a lazy voice, slightly raspy. It sounds as if it doesn’t even matter to him because he is so focused on you in front of him. “I’ve only had sex two times.”

“Aw–” You pitifully look at him. “What a waste, you’re such a pretty boy.” You coo, wiggling your hips as if to entice his cock to make its way towards you. “You’ve got the brains and the cock for it. You must feel so neglected.”

All he does is nod, because yes, he does feel fucking neglected, partly because he let it happen and mostly because he knows he doesn’t know how to talk to girls. Right now, Jay could genuinely start crying if you keep talking to him like this though. He can’t tell if you’re mocking him or being genuine, but the only thing he wants to do is bury his cock so deeply inside of you that all you can do is moan out mantras of how pretty he is again. He wants to hear you moan over how much time has been wasted without his cock inside of you, how badly you’d want him again and again after this. 

You can see his facial expressions change every few seconds and to be fair, your body yearns to be filled. With the way he is looking at you, there’s no way he doesn’t want to.

“Wanna fuck me, Jongie?” You ask, realizing that you much prefer calling him this rather than his full name because he seems to lean directly into it. 

“God,” He sighs out, hanging his head to look at the way his cock still stands painfully erect throughout the conversation. “Can I?” He asks now, making eye contact with you through pleading eyes.

You reach out for him, grabbing his waist and pressing his cock directly against your core. You lean your head back a bit to look at him and the way his eyes sear straight through your own. His pupils are dilated, his cheeks are rosy, and his lips are glistening. You lick against them, and the way he immediately starts to kiss you makes you think he’s a liar. He knows exactly what he’s doing with his mouth regardless of where it is. His tongue presses into your mouth so beautifully that you genuinely could argue that this man has only ever had sex twice. 

Maybe he’s a natural? 

Jay knows exactly when to grind his cock between your folds, knows exactly when to pull back to kiss your neck, and knows exactly how to lean you back with his hand protecting the back of your head so that it doesn’t slam against the table. 

He slips his cock so beautifully as he trails his kisses to your tits too, suckling gently against one of your nipples before he nearly can’t stand it anymore. He’s in his own world, barely recognizing that he’s not the only one experiencing this right now.

With an eager hand, Jay grabs his cock and presses it directly into you without waiting any longer. He isn’t slow or gentle with it. You can feel how desperate he is solely because of the way he can’t seem to fathom taking it slow. He doesn’t let you adjust, no. The second the head of that thick cock slips in he’s slamming in. All the way, forcing a yelp from your throat and a tight grip to his back.

He’s lost himself in the moment and you’re loving it. Loving the way his tongue picks up against your nipples, and the way there is no rhythm or rhyme to his thrusts. His size alone is enough for you, and you can admit to loving every single push and pull his body is offering.

The room is silent save for his whimpers, your gasps, and the wet sound of skin slapping against skin. You’re quick to wrap a leg around his waist so that when he presses in again, you can force him to stay in place, if just to let him genuinely feel what it’s like to have a pussy clenching around him.

“You feel it?” You groan out, feeling his teeth pinch against your nipple and sending a sharp pain down your body. 

He nods frantically, pulling your nipple with his lips as he does it. You can tell he’s drooling, wetting your chest in such an embarrassing way, but he’s so–Jay. He’s Jay. This is Jay.

You watch his face and the way he winces with each pulse of your hole quivering around the sheer size of him, and you coo out at him when his cock twitches in response. As if you can handle yourself right now, as if he can too.

Neither of you can comprehend the pleasure.

“Can’t believe I get to be your third.” You sing out. “You’re so good, so–”

“S-stop talking, fuck-” Jay calls out in a broken and choked gasp, feeling too turned on by the way you speak. He can’t help it when he forces his hips to move against the pressure of your leg trying to keep him in place. This time he fucks at a quicker pace. His mouth falls open against your breast and his hands shoot to your waist as he pulls himself up and opens his eyes. 

He watches the way your sticky cunt coats him as he slides in and out of you, fingers pressing so hard into your hips that you feel he could be bruising you. 

You’re so in awe of him losing complete control that you want nothing more than to cum with him inside of you. You quickly reach your hand down to your clit, rubbing harsh circles against the sensitive spot almost to the point that you could start crying out at how painful it truly is at this moment. You’ve never been this sensitive for a man, and yet, you’re coming undone beneath him and nearly losing as much control as he has. 

A mess of moans and groans is filling the room as Jay chases his high, and you are at the point that you want to say the nicest and dirtiest things to him out of sheer arousal. So you do, you talk, and you talk. Whispers of “girls would die to be fucked by you,” turn to screams of, “yeah, fuck Jongie, just like that!” 

It wasn’t until you moaned out, “Cum with me, now, Jongie, I can’t hold it–” when Jay ’s hips stuttered and his eyes closed tightly in a frustrated groan. “Stop–” He grunts, hips pressing impossibly hard against you. To the point that you scoot up on the table. “Stop, I’m–” He groans again, attempting to pull out so that he can release against your pulsing and empty pussy.

But you don’t let him.

Your legs hold him in place as you release your clit and pull yourself up on your arms just to grab against his neck and pull him down with you against the table. 

“Cum in me.” You nearly demand, holding his face so that he can’t look away from you.

You watch the way his pupils dilate more at the words and you feel the way his cock twitches inside of you. Then? His pupils are gone. He’s rolling his eyes back now, looking so fucking beautiful while doing it.

Jay’s eyebrows fall much like his mouth does when he cums. His hips are frantic but his face looks calm, and not a single sound releases from his lips. His breath is caught in his throat with each twitch, shooting ropes into you so deeply that you feel each wave of his pleasure hitting your cervix. 

  You’re very quick to rub your clit again, harsh and rough circles being amplified by the way his abdomen adds pressure to your hand with each push of his cock in you. It sends you over edge so fast, even he feels the clench, choking out each spurt of his remaining orgasm. 

You grab onto him harshly now, without a thought in your head besides kissing him. He kisses you back, realizing that despite having sex before, this may be the first time he’s ever made a girl cum. It’s certainly the first time he’s ever felt his cock being tugged by the walls of a pussy as it works itself through an orgasm, anyway.

Crazy thing is…he’s not done. Like, he can’t stop cumming. Lasting entirely far too long and far past sensitivity. Jay opens his eyes to look at you when you’re reaching the end of your own orgasm, all while he’s still filling you up, and even feeling his load bubble out from around him with each tight thrust. Your voice is beautifully raspy, and the way you hold onto him makes him feel like you should never let go. 

Upon his ears popping and finally emptied, he genuinely feels the mess between the two of you. Quickly, he pulls back and notes that the hem of his shirt is absolutely fucking soaked. In an attempt to take a small step back in order to remove himself from you, he nearly trips over his pants that had fallen to his ankles.

“Oh.” You laugh, wincing as you feel his cock leave you empty. “Probably should have undressed you.” Your eyes sparkle at the large damp spot, nearly making his shirt entirely see-through from just how soaked it really is. 

Jay steps out of his pants silently and just kind of stands there awkwardly, watching the cum spill from you. Then panic spreads across his face. 

“Um,” He croaks out, voice cracking almost immediately. “I– I couldn’t pull out…I’m so sorry.”

“I didn’t want you to.” You soothe him, noting how he’s right back to his awkward and shy persona the moment he’s finished fucking you. “It’s fine, I’m protected” You confirm for him, just to see the relief replace that panic.

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

“So–” You comment, looking down at the wrinkled papers in front of you. “You really expect me to try and write at least 1200 words tonight?” 

Jay tilts his head at you, sitting with a blanket covering his entire body as his clothes go through the cycles of a wash. “If we hadn’t gotten off track, you could already be almost done with it.” 

“God, you are such a fucking bore.” You laugh, shivering at the cold air hitting your bare skin. “I’m literally naked right now and you’re making me do this right now?” 

“Finish your paper and we can talk about that. Besides, I kind of need to recover for more than thirty minutes from that, you know? I’m sensitive.” He shoots back, not afraid to sound as embarrassing as he truly is now. 

To his surprise, you nod with a cheeky smirk. Promising you any amount of him after what happened was enough to force your focus on your school work for now at least. Just because he did it once doesn’t mean he will always want to fuck stupid girls. If anything, Jay deserves someone who respects his work ethic and need to help others right? The huge cock is just a bonus when you think about it.

You know it’s going to be a hell of a month after tonight, but for the most part, you think that studying with Jay may have been your best college decision to date. You can learn a lot from him, and apparently... he can learn from you too. You just hope he doesn’t run off and use that knowledge on other girls once he realizes he’s definitely got the ability to break hearts. 

[victorbutnotreally]

Academic Validation - Lee Minho x Male Reader

A/N: i'm back!! heavily inspired by myself. to all the people struggling with their studies, you got this! your grades only define a part of you, a part of you that can be molded however you want.

warnings: thunderstorms, mental breakdown, mentions of dying, unrealistic expectations from parents, min's parents are horrible in this.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

"You have so much potential, Minho! Where's that little boy who's always eager to learn, huh?? You got an A in maths instead of your usual A*. I can't believe this!!"

"Mom, let me-"

"No!! You're in university, for god's sake! Pull yourself together! Stop hanging out with your friends and you better study, young man-"

"I-"

"Or do you not want to achieve anything? Do you want to be stuck somewhere with part time jobs, barely making a living??"

An A is still a good grade, Mom! he wanted to say, but he didn't dare to. He wanted to scream and shout and defend himself, but he wasn't allowed to. The words were just fading echoes in his ears till the sound of the call ending snapped him back to reality.

His parents see his mistakes, but only that. It wasn't an easy exam, and only one person got an A*. But of course, his parents wouldn't understand that, because he used to get full marks for everything without even studying as a child. And even now, he's mostly relying on his memory and math skills. He doesn't know how to study. Why would you know how to study when you're "gifted"? God, he hated that term. He would beam with pride when he got called that till middle school. Things started going downhill in high school, but he picked it up somehow. Mostly to compete with Mn. And now, in one of the most prestigious universities in the world, he was doing well. Very well, actually. But his parents won't understand. Why would they, when their son is "gifted"?

Sobs wracked his body as he threw his phone onto the bed and slid down against the wall. He wished the wall had arms to hold him, since his parents never did. He wished his wall would come to life, talk to him, kiss his hair and wipe his tears away. He sat with his legs to his chest and his arms on his knees, but that wasn't comforting enough. He curled up into a fetal position on the ground as he sobbed. He didn't have friends. He was always alone growing up, and he was fine, since life wasn't so cruel back then. His comfort was being alone, but he wants to be held right now.

He pulls himself up somehow, going to the bathroom to wash his face. He had an image to maintain. The thunder seemed to rattle the windows and the lightning struck. On any other day, he would've admired thunderstorms, but the sounds and the light overwhelmed him at the moment. He opened the door to his dorm room and walked down the hallway. Mn. The only one who got an A* in the maths test. He wanted Mn. Sure, they wouldn't exactly be termed as 'friends', but he's the closest thing Minho has to one.

Mn heard the knock on his door and wondered who it was at this time of the night. It was 1:03. He went up to the door and and looked through the peephole. Minho? He opened the door, and before he could say anything, Minho threw himself into his arms.

"Min-"

The moment he felt those strong arms wrap around him, Minho lost control. He clung onto Mn like a lifeline, burying his face in the crook of his neck. His sobs echoed in the quiet room, his body shaking from the force of his emotions. And to Mn, the sound of his sobs seemed to pierce him deeper than the lightning. He buried his face into Mn's shirt, shoulders shaking with silent sobs. He's never cried like this before, but something about seeing his calm, collected expression makes the floodgates open. The last time he broke down like this was…well, he didn't remember.

"I-I'm sorry," he chokes out between hiccups, voice muffled against Mn's chest. He's too embarrassed to meet those piercing eyes, but at the same time, he craves his warmth and stability. "Just needed someone…"

He takes a deep breath, trying to regain some composure. When he finally looks up, his dark eyes are puffy and red, and filled with vulnerability rare of him. "Please don't think less of me, Mn."

Mn's expression softened, his hand went up from Minho's back to his face, wiping away his tears.

"Of course not…not for this. Come inside," he says, pulling Minho inside the room once he realized they were still in the doorway. The door clicks shut behind them, loud thunder accompanying the sharp sound.

"What happened, Minho?"

The soft gaze, the gentle tone of someone who's supposed to be his rival, opened the floodgates once more. Years worth of bottled up emotions came out at once as he broke down in his rival's arms. Mn could do nothing but rub his back and hold him close. Minho didn't need anything else. He just wanted to be held. Minho's arms squeezed him tighter as his sobs grew louder. He buried his face in his chest so deep as if he wanted to be lodged in his ribcage, right next to his heart.

"They- they think I'm so smart…I'm not…I'm not smart or anything.."

More sobs.

"I can't do this anymore, Mn, I can't…I'll die at this rate. I just wanna disappear and stop worrying about all this."

"Oh, Minho.." Mn felt a strange protectiveness over the boy nestled so comfortably in his arms. His heart felt warm knowing that Minho came to him out of all people, but at the same time, he felt sad, knowing that Minho didn't really have anyone else.

"What if I don't get a job? What if adulting is harder than I thought? What if…what if I don't graduate?"

The last question was followed by hysterical sobs. If it weren't for the thunderstorm, Mn was sure he would've woken up the whole floor with his cries.

"I-I c-can't do this anymore, Mnie…I can't..p-please.."

"Okay..okay..we'll take a break for a while, yeah?"

"C-Can't…have to..study..I have to-"

"Minho."

Minho looked up from Mn's chest, eyes teary and red.

"How long has it been since you slept?"

"I- I don't know, Mn.." He said Mn's name with such softness, such…vulnerability.

Mn reached to wipe away Minho's tears and reached out to grab some tissues for him.

"Here."

Minho shakily took the tissues, mumbling a small 'thank you' as he wiped his face. He slowly got up, his feet somehow being able to carry his weight now as he went to the bathroom and washed his face. He came out of the bathroom to see Mn making tea.

"Y-You don't have to," Minho said, his voice sore and shaky from all the crying.

"Sit down, Min. Talk to me, okay?"

He obediently sat down, quite unusual for him. But right now, he just wants to hand everything to someone else. And he didn't think he'd be so open with Mn.

"I just..I got an A instead of an A*. I wasn't disappointed with it because it was a super tough exam, but my mom called and said a lot of things. Like I'm wasting my potential. I didn't hear the rest, I was so tired. Don't…pity me. Please."

"I won't. I don't. And you're not wasting your potential, okay?," Mn started, handing Minho a cup of tea. "You're one of the best students here. And one slight drop in your grade doesn't make you stupid. Besides, A is such a good grade."

Minho sips his tea, the warmth of the teacup a comfort to his cold hands. He listened intently to Mn's words, as if memorising them. He felt a hand on his shoulder and looked up, a small smile finding its way to his lips.

"You're good enough. I'm proud of you."

"You're good enough." The words rang in Minho's head, louder than the thunderstorm outside. He felt safe. He felt like he could admire it again. He sets down the teacup and hugged him again, pressing a soft kiss to his shoulder.

"Thank you."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

taglist:

@forever-atiny

[str8rat]

full oneshot here!; God Forgives All - Chapter 14 - Str8_Rat - In Stars And Time (Video Game) [Archive of Our Own]

"..Surely, you must remember. During your last time loop, I decided to use Time Craft. In order to stop you from looping.” She could see the twitch in Siffrin’s posture, but that did not stop her from continuing. “It was necessary, and I would do it again. A thousand times over, for any of you. But I think... I think it’s starting to catch up to me."

Siffrin’s mask cracked then. His eye widened in panic, a sharp inhale breaking the silence between them, as his head whipped over to look at her. "Odile-” His voice was small, confusion and soft denial taking over. He swallowed hard, trying to keep himself together, but the fear was evident.

Noticing his struggle, Odile softened, her usual sharpness dulling into something gentler. "Siffrin," she murmured, her hand resting lightly on the book at her bedside table. She picked it up and, with a small, tired smirk that was so characteristic for her, handed it to him. "I’ve been keeping notes. Little things about all of you. It started long, long before we even reached Dormont. All categorized, of course.”

She said with that same smirk, trying to keep the mood light, though the weight of her words was far from it. "I’ve categorized everyone pretty thoroughly by now," she said, though her smirk faltered as her eyes found Siffrin’s again. "If something happens to me... I want you to keep it. To keep our family together. To make a Familytale." They all knew about Siffrin’s awful memory problems. It was most likely that he would make the best use for it. Plus, a familytale sounded.. right. It sounded right. She's already wrote her part- now it was up to the others to write some of their own.

- - -

surely, controlling time by an old lady does not bring any consequences, right??

[kiirotoao]

An argument I see against Byler that irks me, specifically about Will’s storyline, is that some people think that Will’s story is about him accepting himself. Acceptation is absolutely not part of his storyline, and here’s why.

Will has been established as a queer character. Quick as it was, Joyce mentioned Lonnie’s remarks about Will in the very first episode of season 1. Will has also been drafted as a kid dealing with his sexuality. Will knows about what people say about him, and he doesn’t seem to outwardly fight it, alongside much other forms of confrontation towards himself.

Will deals more with the struggle of being different, not of misunderstanding, not of doubting, being.

A great contrast in another series that shows a character learning to accept himself is none other than Nick Nelson in Heartstopper (Webtoon or Netflix - but for the sake of finding scene packs more easily, though, I will be quoting from the Netflix adaptation).

Nick outwardly deals with uncertainty regarding his sexuality. He’s covered in doubtful characters’ judgements, clearly a jock of whom are stereotypically straight, and as Elle would say it, he’s “the straightest person I have ever seen.”

He’s not established with a queer lens. In fact, for a very long time, Charlie thinks that he has no chance with Nick because he doesn’t think that Nick could ever like him like that. But then, in comes Nick’s perspective. He realizes that he’s getting really close to Charlie, and his mom tells him that he’s “much more himself” around Charlie. Then, of course, the meme of Nick taking the “am I gay?” quiz and crying over his result. And then in comes the day after his and Charlie’s first kiss when Nick expresses that he’s “so confused,” not that he didn’t like it, it’s just difficult for him when he’s only ever seemed to like girls before.

That is how you explore an arc of discovering one’s sexuality: show confusion from other characters, self-doubt, and how the character feels working through it. Will Byers has received no such treatment.

He’s not confused, self-doubtful, nor shown working through his sexuality. It’s just always been, and the other characters around him reinforce that. The fact that other characters make remarks. The fact that other characters know without Will telling them anything. The fact that Will has never continued returning any affection to a girl who showed interest in him. The fact that Will never gets a girlfriend. The fact that we know that Will was making that painting for Mike alone.

Plus, if being accepted is Will’s whole storyline culmination, where does he go now that Jonathan in season 4 has accepted him and promises to love him no matter what? That’s it? He’s going to have nothing greater happen to him in season 5 and/or they’re going to reinforce a point they already did so sweetly? Yeah. I mean, I’m not a writer, but, yeah. Sure.

Byler is endgame because Will is going to learn that he no longer needs to just accept himself but see himself in who he is.

[orimuraa]

꒰♡꒱ Dear. My darling - OT7

(synopsis) ༊*·˚ it was so painful for enhypen not to miss youೄྀ

ot7 enhypen x fem!reader ༊*·˚ HEAVY angst ༊*·˚ main character death ༊*·˚ enha dealing with your death ༊*·˚ death, crying, mentions of sickness ༊*·˚ wc 1.8k

jiji’s note: i’m so sorry for the heart wrenching angst. i’m in a mood rn and this is what came out of it. pls do not read if you have trouble reading about loss of a loved one. if you are struggling with something like this, my inbox is always open <3

˚₊‧꒰ა ♱ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚˚₊‧꒰ა ♱ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚˚₊‧꒰ა ♱ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚˚₊‧꒰ა ♱ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚˚₊‧꒰ა ♱ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚˚₊‧꒰ა ♱ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚˚₊‧

𝑳𝒆𝒆 𝑯𝒆𝒆𝒔𝒆𝒖𝒏𝒈 - 이희승

wow. you were really gone. it’s been weeks since you left this cruel world and heeseung hasn’t been able to realize that you really were gone. you didn’t deserve to leave. you were the purest person on this earth and heeseung was the luckiest man on earth to have you. you were so, so, so strong up until your final breath. you had fought so hard to stay awake everyday and heeseung was right there with you on your hospital bedside. you had asked him, “when i leave, promise me that you won’t miss me too much okay?” and he wanted to promise you that and so much more. that it would be okay. that you would make it out well and healthy. but you both knew that that was just a fantasy too far out of reach. the doctors had told you and heeseung that your condition had only gotten worse and your days were limited now. heeseung took a whole month off of work just so he could stay by your side every minute of the grueling days. the sound of your labored breathing was like a stab to his heart each time he heard it. your were in so much pain and he couldn’t do anything to fix it.

the day you left him, a part of soul left him as well. you were his everything. he treasured you so greatly and to think that he wouldn’t be able to see you anymore hurt like hell. he hadn’t realized he was crying until he felt his tears drip onto his pants. how could he keep his promise to you when all he could think of was just missing everything about you? but he was determined to live till the day that you and him would be able to reunite with each other without any pain or care in the world. he knew that you were doing so much better now that you were free of your pain and that you would always be with him. always.

𝑷𝒂𝒓𝒌 𝑱𝒐𝒏𝒈𝒔𝒆𝒐𝒏𝒈 - 박종성

it took a long three days for jay to finally realize that you were gone and that you weren’t coming back. the world had been so cruel to you and it resulted in you having to stay in the dreaded hospital for your last days on this earth. the hospital was the place you had despised most. knowing fully well that your illness was incurable, you had told jay, “promise me you won’t be too sad” how could he not? the love of his life was bound to this hospital bed and the life in your eyes was slowly fading away. the bright smile you always wore had become a rare sight nowadays and jay’s heart was shattering with each and every awful day that passed. on a cold afternoon, you took your final breath on this world with your loving boyfriend right by your side, whispering how he would find you in every lifetime just to be with you again.

jay didn’t know how long he cried for but what he did know was that his tears couldn’t bring you back. he knew it was selfish of him to wish that you were somehow still alive knowing that you were probably free of any pain you were in when you were on earth. he hated how he couldn’t keep his promise with you. he hated how you wouldn’t be there to brighten up his world anymore. when you left, you took jay’s soul away with you. you were his everything. how could he live without you?

𝑺𝒊𝒎 𝑱𝒂𝒆𝒚𝒖𝒏 - 심재윤

jake dreaded every passing day, knowing that your condition was only getting weaker and weaker. a couple months ago, you were diagnosed with an illness that was incurable. that was jake’s worst day of his life. now, in the final days of your life, he was here with you, right beside your bed. he made sure that your hospital room looked nice and neat just the way you like it and he never left you alone. everyday, you would tell him just a little bit more how much you loved him. he knew the reason. he knew it was all because you were slowly fading away. he could see it in the way your eyes never twinkled anymore, and the way your smile was never quite full. every little word that came out of your mouth was filled with so much pain. he also knew that the best thing for you was to just be able to rest. to be free of this cruel and awful world that had cursed you, the purest of angels. you deserved nothing like this, yet look where you were now. stuck to a hospital bed, slowly and painfully losing your life.

the day you let go, jake couldn’t accept the fact that you were gone. his friends had to come and pick him up from the hospital just for him to attempt to run back in, saying you needed him next to you. the truth was, he needed you next to him. he cried himself to sleep every night since that day, missing you more and more as the time went by. jake knew that you wouldn’t have wanted him to be this miserable. he could just imagine you wiping his tears for him and telling him not to cry too much for you. but how could he not when his light in this dark world just went out? he couldn’t bear thinking of what life would be like without you. he just couldn’t.

𝑷𝒂𝒓𝒌 𝑺𝒖𝒏𝒈𝒉𝒐𝒐𝒏 - 박성훈

sunghoon felt like his heart was just ripped out. seeing you take your last breath in that god awful hospital room was so heartbreaking for him to witness. the way your eyes had so much pain in them but the smile you tried to put on for him is something he could never ever forget. why did you have to be cursed by this world? why was it always the purest of people? you were nothing but an angel to this world yet you still got sick, limiting your time with sunghoon.

exactly a month after your death, sunghoon wrote a letter to you. he wrote it because he wasn’t sure how else to cope on this day. he wanted to let you know that he was trying so hard to be strong for you, but it hurt so bad. he missed you so much. the way your eyes would crinkle into little crescents when you smiled, and your warm, infectious laugh, he would never be able to experience this ever again. he held so much guilt in his heart for not being able to keep your promise to him. he promised to you that he would try his hardest to move on just like you wanted for him, but he just couldn’t. he didn’t know how to cope with anything at the moment and he certainly had no plans of moving on. he just couldn’t keep his promise.

𝑲𝒊𝒎 𝑺𝒖𝒏𝒐𝒐 - 김선우

seeing your brightness slowly fade into darkness was sunoo’s nightmare. he hated how he had to watch the brightest person ever slowly get consumed by the dark. your illness was a mystery to the doctors and it had been a surprise. it happened so suddenly and sunoo had no idea how to handle it. he stayed with you everyday and made sure that your were never alone, knowing deep down that these were probably his last moments with you. on the day of your passing, sunoo cried and cried and cried. he felt so helpless and heartbroken that he was afraid he would never do anything else in his life except cry. cry for you. you would’ve never wanted him to be this devastated but it was something you couldn’t control. he knew that if you ever saw him now, you would break down at the sight. he was a wreck since you left him. he wasn’t sure how to move on or just move to the next step from there. a part of his soul died the same day you did, leaving him with half a soul, and a broken heart.

𝒀𝒂𝒏𝒈 𝑱𝒖𝒏𝒈𝒘𝒐𝒏 - 양정원

you were so young. you didn’t deserve anything that happened to you. the doctors had diagnosed you with a sickness that was limited your days on the earth after an accident you had. jungwon never left you alone and always made sure to be with you every second you were awake, savoring his last few moments with you. it was supposed to be any day now where your body would give out and jungwon would lose the one person in life who made life worth living for. before you passed, you had told him, “i want you to be happy when i’m gone. i don’t want you being stuck on me and not moving on. please promise me that” and at the time, he was willing to do whatever you wanted since it would be your last wish, but now, he hated the idea of moving on from you. there was no way he could ever let you go.

𝑵𝒊𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒎𝒖𝒓𝒂 𝑹𝒊𝒌𝒊 - 西村 力

having to deal with your passing at such a young age was so hard for ni-ki. you had gone down with an unknown illness and the doctors said that your days were limited now. ni-ki was with you every step of the way up until your death. he loved you so much and he just couldn’t bear the thought of losing you. the day you had passed away was the hardest thing ni-ki ever had to go through. you were such a bright and bubbly person so him seeing you so lifeless and low made his heart break. you would always re-assure him that you were doing fine and just a bit tired, but ni-ki saw right through it. he knew how much you were struggling because you still had so much you wanted to accomplish in your lifetime. you and ni-ki had once shared your dreams for your futures to each other and it now pains him to realize that you would never be able to love out your dream.

a week after your passing, ni-ki and his hyungs went to go get flowers to honor you. jake had told him that maybe he just needed to write a letter of closing to you. to let you know how proud he was of you for fighting so hard for so long. he had so much he wanted to say to you but the realization that he would never be able to talk with you again really struck deep. he knew he had to recover for you, but he would never move on. he promised himself that he could never love again. he felt that he would be betraying you even if you wanted him to move on after you were gone. but god, he would miss you so much. but at least now, you were in the stars.

˚₊‧꒰ა ♱ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚˚₊‧꒰ა ♱ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚˚₊‧꒰ა ♱ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚˚₊‧꒰ა ♱ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚˚₊‧꒰ა ♱ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚˚₊‧꒰ა ♱ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚˚₊‧

i'm sorry for the heavy angst :( it was rlly hard for me to write as it just reminded me of my grandma's passing but funny enough, i think this helped me get out some emotions i didn't know i needed to. if you're ever struggling, i want my inbox to be a safe space for everyone to just come and vent if needed. i want to be a safe space for people in need. tysm for reading everyone. feedback is very appreciated <3

[ladykailitha]

Icarus Part 21

Hey guys!! The story is starting ramp up to the finish line! I hope you guys are still enjoying it as much I enjoyed writing it.

In this we have Steve taking back his agency, Eddie and Jeff having a little chat and Abbadon leaning on his friends.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 Part 17 Part 18 Part 19 Part 20

~

As soon as Abbadon grabbed the mic, the audience knew they were going to be in for a ride.

“Las Vegas!” he roared to the crowd, who roared back. “There seems to be some confusion about how naughty I got with Eddie Munson in Denver.”

The crowd went wild, screaming and jumping up and down.

“I never do anything without prior consent,” he grinned. “I’m a gentleman, until you tell me you want it otherwise.” He winked and the crowd screamed back. “I’m not saying I’m coming for Asmodeus’s job,” Abbadon said, draping himself over his guitarist’s shoulders, “but I’m no innocent. I don’t need protection.” He walked across the stage to Astraeus. “I’ve always been affectionate. But I think it’s time to be put the rumors to bed.”

“Oooooohhhhhh!” Asmodeus and Astraeus shouted and got the crowd to say it with them. Once they were loud enough, Azrael started rapidly tapping his drums to further build up tension.

Just when Abbadon was sure the tension couldn’t stretch much further he said, “I’m not a slut. I’m the slut!” The throng of people roared back. “And I’m not going to hide who I am to make myself palpable to people I’ve never met or no longer have any connection to me. I am Abbadon! I AM THE FALLEN!”

Waiting in the wings was Jeff and Eddie. They had gathered to watch Steve do this in person instead of watching it live in the green room.

Jeff cocked his head to the side and clicked his tongue. “Whatever else you think of Abbadon and the rest of the band, you have to admit the man has charisma.”

Eddie pressed his lips together and nodded. He was proud of Steve. Of course he was, but it did sting a little that it took Shane to get him to talk about it. Not him, Not Robin. Hell, not even Simon, whom Eddie thought was unhealthily close to Steve. Shane. Of all the band members, Shane had the least in common with Steve. Spence had the EMT thing, Simon, the upper class upbringing. Other than them liking metal, they couldn’t be further apart then if God planned it that way.

Shane came from a middle class liberal family with an older sister he was close with. Hell, he even still talked to his parents while Steve definitely did not. He was a giant nerd who loved history and myths. Steve struggled in school and only made it out alive because he was on three sports teams and captains of two of them. Shane even slept around to Steve’s search for ‘the one.’ Which Eddie really, really hoped was him.

But maybe that was it. Maybe the reason Shane could get through to Steve was because they didn’t have much in common. Maybe their connection were their differences. That they were friends in spite of the gap between them.

Eddie almost wanted to get Steve into therapy like Gareth was. Because even though it always seemed to him that Gareth was one drink away from destruction these days, the therapy did appear to be working.

Steve could really use something like that.

They watched the set a little bit longer.

“Are you sure you’re okay with Abbadon flirting with Gareth?” Jeff asked.

Eddie blinked for a moment wondering where the comment was coming from. Because, sure, Gareth had talked non-stop about Abbadon being his favorite member, even going as far as to tattoo Abbadon’s mask on his left bicep. But Gareth didn’t seem interested in Abbadon as a person.

And it wasn’t like Steve was really interested in him that way before or after becoming a rockstar.

“Gareth and Abbadon both say it’s fine,” he murmured after a moment or two. “And I trust Abbadon.”

Jeff hummed thoughtfully. “Yeah okay. So this time it’s not going to be the duet?”

“No, I don’t want a repeat of last time. Abbadon is going to be taking the lead vocals on ‘Might as Well Fly’, I think he’ll lend a haunting quality to it.”

Jeff pursed his lips. Steve definitely had the pipes for it, but it wasn’t the song out of their discography that he would have chosen for Abbadon to shred.

Eddie huffed beside him and crossed his arms in front of him. “Let me guess, you have other ideas?”

“Can Abbadon play guitar?” Jeff asked rubbing his chin thoughtfully.

Eddie shrugged. “I mean, I guess. He’s like able to play piano, violin, and guitar. Can he play the song you’re thinking of is the real question.”

Jeff turned to him with a grin. “Oh, if I know our friend as well as I think I do, he knows it.”

Eddie frowned at him and cocked his head to the side. “Which one?”

Jeff told him and Eddie rubbed his lips, skeptical. It was a good song. Harder than ‘Might as Well Fly’ and faster too. It had an extra guitar to it because it originally featured a famous guitarist. But it was also the lead guitar on that song.

“Do you really think he can do it?” he asked, licking his upper lip slowly.

Jeff scoffed, “Why? Do you think he can’t?” Eddie just shrugged. “Because holy hell, dude, I was talking to Asmodeus and he was telling me they formed their band over their love of our music. I’m betting if you asked Abbadon he could list his favorite albums alphabetically, chronologically, or which one is best musically. Even before you guys got together, before their band, before we even got a record deal, he’s been your number one fan. And he’s got the chops for it. You know he does.”

Eddie looked around to make sure no one had heard Jeff’s impassioned speech. He ducked his head. “Have Abbadon meet us before we go on to discuss the change while they setup our equipment.”

Jeff grinned and licked his lips. “You won’t regret this. And neither will they.” He jutted his chin out at the roaring crowd.

And yeah, Eddie knew he was being ridiculous about the song. He was trying to play this safe, but Steve didn’t need safe right now. He needed to take back his agency and Eddie knew that this song? It was fucking perfect for Steve. They would be able to feed off the roar of the crowd and give Steve a chance to really show them how good he is.

~

Steve loved the idea of the change in song. Don’t get him wrong, he loved ‘Might as Well Fly’. It just wasn’t the vibe he was trying to send today. Steve already was flying. Now he was raging at the people who were trying to clip his wings. And fuck them.

It meant that he couldn’t start on Gareth’s lap, but that was okay. This was going to be better. A hell of a lot better.

He pulled on his Corroded Coffin logo lined coat and swapped his mask for the lighter everyday one. He was going to need the extra movement for these vocals. He started in the middle again, this time in front of Corroded Coffin instead of between them.

“Hey, Las Vegas!” Eddie cried. “You bitches ready to rock?”

The crowd screamed back and Eddie laughed. “We’ve got a treat for you tonight!” The crowd screamed even louder. “We don’t usually play ‘Nightmare Killer’ because we don’t have that third guitarist.”

The audience went wild, screaming and whistling and stomping their feet in excitement.

“We asked Asmodeus,” Eddie continued. “But he’s too cool for us!” The crowd made teasing booing noises and oohhed. “But that’s okay, we found someone else willing to play.”

The room fell to a hush as Abbadon’s spotlight came on. There was some uneasy wrestling from the audience as he stood with his ear mic and white guitar. Something that eagle-eyed fans would know about Eddie and Jeff was that they didn’t own a white guitar. And all The Fallen fans knew that all of Asmodeus’s guitars were red and vaguely devil themed. This wasn’t his either. This was clearly Abbadon’s.

Abbadon began the opening riff and the crowd took a massive intake of breath as he sailed perfectly through the chunky bits of the original artist’s style. Then he began to sing, the haunting quality of his voice filling in the gaps of the silence that seemed to stretch on from the audience.

Eddie didn’t even bother trying to hold back the look of admiration on his face as he joined Abbadon for the chorus. Their vocals mixing beautifully to the backdrop of a hell beast looking for more from life than the violence it was weaned on.

Throughout the song the only sounds from the crowd were clapping in time to the beat. Eddie had never seen anything like at their concerts before. It was like there was this reverence for what was happening on stage.

Abbadon ate it up and played it up as he enticed the members of Corroded Coffin to him. Each of the members resisted. Then Abbadon handed his guitar off to a roadie and climbed the stairs to the platform that Gareth was on. He straddled Gareth’s lap and drumming cut out as his bandmates played on. From behind it looked like they were kissing, but with Abbadon’s mic off they were making fun of each other. Then suddenly he whirled on Gareth’s lap and hit the drums right on the last note with a crash.

Then in an instant the crowd thundered to life, cheering and stomping and clapping.

Abbadon blew Gareth a kiss and leapt off the platform to take his bows. The flutter of the coat revealing the Corroded Coffin logo again and the crowd screamed even louder. He blew kisses to the crowd and continued to bow. Eddie whistled loudly and Abbadon laughed.

Eddie grabbed the microphone. “Abbadon everyone! One very talented son of bitch! Another round of applause everyone!”

The crowd continued to go wild. Abbadon let out a whoop and jumped up and down, laughing. It was exhilarating, everyone just feeding the energy back to Abbadon and just feeling high off that. Eddie and Jeff shared a glance and Jeff winked. Eddie shook his head. Because yeah, Jeff won that bet.

Abbadon waved goodbye and walked off the stage. Once he was out of view of the audience Hopper swooped in and immediately threw a cool, damp towel over his head and Steve nearly sank to his knees in relief. Because try as they might, the hoods were still fucking hot. Hopper lead him to the dressing room where the rests of The Fallen were waiting.

As soon as the door closed tightly behind Abbadon, Steve pushed back the hood and ripped off the mask. His hair was wet and sweat clung to his face and neck. He let himself sink slowly into the soft cushions of the sofa and laid his head back.

A bottled water was being pushed into his hand and an ice pack was placed on his brow. He let out a small shuddering breath. He opened the water and dumped half of it on his face and the rest into his mouth.

“Thanks, guys,” Steve muttered, his eyes fluttering shut. “How did I look out there?”

Simon huffed a little a laugh. “Like fucking rock god.”

“I’m with Simon,” Spence said. “It won’t silence the naysayers but it’ll drown them out which is even better.”

Steve laughed. “Fuck that was so much fun. Gareth called me a queen. So I called him a bitch. I honestly don’t know if he likes Abbadon more now, or less!”

“Considering how little time you had to prepare,” Shane said, sprawled over an armchair instead of on the floor for a change, “I say you kicked ass. You’re going to get people saying you weren’t really playing but, they can suck your dick!”

Steve lifted his head, the ice pack sliding into his hand. “I hate doing this without you guys, though,” he admitted. “But as Shane pointed out, I’m already super affectionate with you already and short of French kissing Simon, they aren’t going to believe shit.”

“Nothing against you, Steve,” Simon said with a wince, “but I really don’t want your tongue down my throat.”

Shane raised his hand. “I volunteer! I volunteer!”

They all laughed. Then Robin as Celeste slipped in and sat next to Steve. She grabbed the ice pack and pressed it to the back of her neck. They all waited as she let her defenses slowly come down. She pulled off the wig and tossed it Spence who caught it deftly.

“Vickie has been working tirelessly tonight to keep an eye on social media,” Robin began, “she even has two of her assistants watching all the accounts, constantly refreshing.”

Steve turned on the couch to face her. “And what are they saying?”

Simon and Spence immediately moved over to her to sit on either side of her and Steve. Shane sprawled over the back like some Renaissance painting. He rustled her hair and she huffed out a laugh.

“You’re getting the trolls from both fans shit talking about how Abbadon is better than Corroded Coffin and should have turned them down like Asmodeus,” she continued, pausing only for Simon’s huff of laughter. “The Corroded Coffin fans were whining about how Abbadon’s vocals ruined the song and that he probably faking the guitar playing for the views.”

“I’d like to see them fake that bridge,” Steve scoffed. “It’s insane.”

Simon nodded. “I don’t think I could do it.” He snapped his fingers. “That’s what I’ll do. I’ll post a Tiktok of me trying to play it.”

“Wait!” Spence said. “Have Steve do it first, showing a close up of the hands dancing on the frets. Then you stitch it with your version. That should kick them in the ass.”

Steve and Simon fist bumped each other. “Hell yeah!”

“But the rest of the tweets and shit coming in is overwhelmingly positive,” Robin finished. “So that Tiktok should silence the Corroded Coffin fans.”

When Simon did his stitch of Steve’s video he made sure to admonish their fans about thinking who’s better than who. He was friends with the boys in CC and the being ‘too cool’ was a fucking joke.

Then Eddie did a stitch of both of their videos and showed them again how complicated the riff was for Abbadon to play by playing it himself. Abbadon and Asmodeus’s videos racked up a lot of views and shares, but Eddie’s really did the numbers. It blew up and completely overshadowed all the haters.

Steve made sure to thank Eddie for that later in the privacy of Eddie’s hotel room.

`

Tag List: CLOSED

1- @mira-jadeamethyst @rozzieroos @itsall-taken @redfreckledwolf @zerokrox-blog

2- @gregre369 ​@a-little-unsteddie @chaosgremlinmunson @messrs-weasley @val-from-lawrence

3- @goodolefashionedloverboi @carlyv @wonderland-girl143-blog @irregular-child @blondie1006

4- @yikes-a-bee @bookworm0690 @anne-bennett-cosplayer @awkwardgravity1 @littlewildflowerkitten

5- @genderless-spoon @y4r3luv @dragonmama76 @ellietheasexylibrarian @thedragonsaunt

6- @disrespectedgoatman @eyehartart @dawners @thespaceantwhowrites @tinyplanet95

7- @iamthehybrid @croatoan-like-its-hot @papergrenade @cryptid-system @counting-dollars-counting-stars

8- @ravenfrog @w1ll0wtr33 @child-of-cthulhu @kultiras @dreamercec

9- @machete-inventory-manager @useless-nb-bisexual @stripey82 @dotdot-wierdlife @kal-ology

10- @sadisticaltarts @urkadop @chameleonhair @clockworkballerina @garden-of-gay

[genericpuff]

Hi! So this is coming from a place of genuine concern, LR Persephone isn't going to have DID right? I know you probably can't reveal much but DID is already a very stigmatized disorder so I'm always worried when I see the Signs, I hope you understand lol

I understand fully your concerns, and I hope I can reassure you in my own intentions regarding Kore / Persephone that the goal is not to demonize or stigmatize DID in any way. I actually do regularly interact with a family member who's currently seeking an official diagnosis for it, and have my own firsthand experiences with my own mental health and symptoms of childhood trauma that are intersectional with that of DID. Of course, that doesn't mean that I'm immune to stigmatizing, but rest assured that I am aware of the stigmas surrounding DID and the misconceptions that a lot of people have about it, no thanks to how it's been portrayed in mainstream media.

If I can add some additional and necessary context as to why I chose to write Kore like this, much of how I'm writing her is based on how she was initially presented to us in S1 of LO, particularly through the personification of her wrath:

I really liked this concept and was subsequently disappointed when it seemed to get left behind (though considering how LO turned out, maybe that was for the better lmao) I've always enjoyed these "inner conflict" character dynamics, but I also understand from years of writing characters like this that much of these types of tropes are often intersectional with common misconceptions and stigmas surrounding personality disorders and mental illness.

Within the context of Rekindled, Kore does not specifically have DID but her experiences are clearly intersectional with it. Ultimately my goal is to empathize, not demonize. As much as "Persephone" may be currently presenting herself as a sort of snarky "alter ego" of Kore, she is not evil, no more "evil" than Kore herself, because they're ultimately of the same mind and body, flaws and all. Persephone is often speaking truths that Kore is simply not willing to admit or able to face, the worst of which we've yet to uncover, but will be necessary to overcome. There will certainly be times when Kore's actions - spurred on by the voice of Persephone in her ear - may be ugly or wrong, but I hope in the end that I'll achieve my goal in expressing that everyone - even immortal gods - can always have another chance to heal, to forgive themselves for their past, and to do right by themselves for the sake of a brighter future. This will apply to other gods in the story as well, many of whom also share Kore's struggles and experiences.

And, assuming I do my part and deliver on my promises, there will be closure for Kore/Persephone, the readers who relate to their struggles and experiences, and many of the other characters who were hung out to dry in the original comic. That's definitely one of my biggest goals with this retelling, at least! (•̀ᴗ•́)و It's definitely one of my riskier moves as the nature of the subject is very sensitive, but I'm giving it my all in the hopes that it pays off in a more nuanced and in-depth character arc for Kore/Persephone than what we got in LO that can hopefully be embraced as a message of acceptance and self-love. And y'all can hold me to that (๑•̀ㅂ•́)و✧

[heavywithourbabies]

Ok. Let me get in front of it. I fucking LOVE this. The utterly exhausted, completely over it, aches and pains everywhere, just miserably fucking pregnant as fuck. I can practically hear her body screaming to get this fucking kid out of me.

It massively turns me on. The absolute struggle. The heavy swollen burden weighing you down. The painfully swollen tits and the engorged raw nipples. The braxton hicks and the shooting lightening crotch. How you need to carry around extra panties because you are leaking between your thighs, and it is hot and wet like a god damn swamp, and you're so ashamed of all the discharge and creaminess....not to mention soaking through all your maternity tops because your milk came in crazy early....

Yes. I am aroused immensely by all of that. I get off knowing it's so hard and you're done and it's my fault you're hurting because I got between your legs nine months ago.

I enjoy all of the pregnancy suffering. But if i'm being honest, that's just a weird lizard like response from my brain. I have a sadistic streak of wanting my woman to bear the heavy burden of my children.

It just gets me off.... but in reality, knowing you are hurting and aching so bad, and God, the trials of actual labor and birth on your poor body, it makes me feel really really bad. Cause i know i did this to you and I can't take it back.....

I'm not gonna get into a sob story about the Ghost Hosts less than stellar childhood and if i'm being perfectly up front, a little bit of molest happened. Just a scoop. but it left me with this weird need to feel powerful as a man, and that my cock can do all this damage with just one little sperm and fuck you up completely....

I know some of my stuff can be problematic. i'm looking more around at other pregnancy blogs and I honestly don't like some of the ugliness I see. But I played a part and god forgive me, I still get rock hard for the uncomfortable ache of the third trimester, so I guess i need to own it a little.

I'm working on myself and trying to evolve. Things can't stay this stagnant with the same keeping women down under your control like attitude. We are given the best gift of all if any women decides to carry our babies. That means something.

[inbabylontheywept]

I love your writing. It’s the type of writing that I love bc other than being easy to read, I admire it bc it accomplishes what I struggle with. It uses few words yet conveys across the idea efficiently, vagueness to its benefit.

Have you heard the phrase “I want to distill myself like poets do”? It comes from a tumblr post of someone trying to express the same thing as me rn.

Anyway the other part of what I wanted to say is that I’m autistic, and when I try to write, I always succumb to the urge to add as many details and overexplanations as possible to avoid being misunderstood. You’re autistic too, but your writing shines in doing the opposite, so I was wondering if you struggled with this too, and how you got better, or if your flavor of autism simply doesn’t manifest in this way and this isn’t a problem to you

Unfortunately, I do naturally tend towards condensed formats. So some part of this is just natural for me. If it makes you feel better, I tried several times to make serials while doing HFY and I never succeeded. I've also tried several times to write books, and I always just get kind of stuck. It's one of my big regrets, so if you have any experience in those, I'd love to hear it. Same from anyone else reading this, actually - if you've made the jump from short stories to long form, I'd like to know how you managed.

Still, despite it being a natural thing for me, I can give you three activities that I've done that improved my short story work very much.

First, improv classes. Attending them will help your writing in ways you will not believe, and also, as an autist, that shit's better than OT. My parents signed me up for some in the summer of my fifth grade year, and they were legit life changing. Way less social anxiety, better writing, I could sing their praises all day. If you do one thing on this list, do this.

Second, write poetry. I do not consider myself a poet, but I attend a weekly poetry writing club, and it has noticeably improved my prose. Find one and go. As you get better, try and constrain the poetry you write to things like rhyme and meter. Writing with artificial constraints is amazing for teaching people to be focused and direct.

And if you have room for a third thing, maybe try finding a way to do extemporaneous public speaking besides the improv. I grew up Mormon, which involves absolutely insane amounts of public speaking from an early age, but I also did stuff like that in middle school NAL and high school speech and debate. Those all helped. They were stressful, and not terribly fun, but they did help, and it's a good skill to have.

I love talking shop, so thanks for asking! And just to reiterate my request from before, anyone that's jumped from short stories to novel length works, please, tell me your secrets. Plz.

[scribbles97]

The Nightmare Come True - Part 3

TW: POW, Torture Scott's POV 1 | Part 1 | Scott's POV 2 | Part 2 | Scott's POV 3 Thanks @loopstagirl for the support and inspiration!

Scott had thanked him. 

Scott had thanked him and it had made the Dog Tags in Jeff’s pocket feel all the heavier. 

“You found me.” 

It had sounded like the kid had never doubted him, and Jeff’s gut had started to refute the statement before he had consciously thought about it. 

Scott, I …

Wouldn’t have stopped until I did. 

I’m sorry it wasn’t sooner. 

Or, perhaps the most truthful of all, 

I didn’t. 

Because Colonel Jeff Tracy had not found Captain Scott Tracy. Instead, his son had been presented to him as a pawn in the game between one country and the rest of the world. It had been Hugh and Kyrano that had worked their magic and found exactly where Scott had been held. 

Hell, it had even been Kyrano that had found him in the cells when Jeff hadn’t heard his own son’s cries for help. 

The nightmare that had woken Scott in a panic and sent all manner of alarms blaring, were proof most of all. 

Jeff hadn’t saved his son. 

He had spent six months trying, and failing, to find him. He had stood by as others had taken action and done all the heavy lifting for him. He had done nothing whilst all that time Scott had been fighting. 

“What’s that look for?”

Jeff looked up from where he had perched on the arm of the chair Scott had fallen asleep in, Val’s whisper breaking into his thoughts. 

“He thinks I saved him, Val.” He murmured back, his hand absently brushing over Scott’s still too short hair, “He thanked me.”

Val eyed him for a long moment before hopping up onto the empty bed, her eyes assessing both he and Scott in a way Jeff had long since come used to. She’d speak when she’d decided what needed to be said, once she’d gotten a full picture of what was happening and the mindset of those involved. It was a skill she used to her full advantage and had seen her rise through the ranks of the Air Force right on Jeff’s tail. 

“The nurses won’t be impressed when they find him out of bed.” She watched him, leaning forward like it was a secret Jeff hadn’t already known the moment Scott had forced himself upright. 

“He needed to move,” He fired back, ready to defend as he had done when the same nurses had tried to force an oxygen mask over Scott’s face, “to not feel trapped.” 

He’d known even before he had asked that he wouldn’t have stopped Scott, even if he had wanted to. His son had always wanted to move, had hated confinement of any sort even when he had been tiny. Lucy had always laughed, insisted that he had gotten it from Jeff himself, and had known that he would inevitably follow his father to the sky where the only limit was the horizon. 

Being bound to a bed, barely able to stay awake, had always felt like …

“You helped him?” Val asked, raising an eyebrow that held no real heat. 

Jeff straightened, prickling at the insinuation he couldn’t quite see, “I was hardly gonna leave him to struggle on his own.” 

Because he had done that once, and even to that day he was seeing the reminders of that very mistake. 

Scott hadn’t wanted help, had been determined to push through and manage on his own even when he was exhausted and hurting. Jeff had partly fallen back on his Colonel Voice to get the Captain to listen, and it had twisted something deep in his gut that it had come to that. 

He knew the way Scott had leaned into him after he had thrown up had been subconscious, and definitely something he wouldn’t have done had he been more awake. It was for the same reason that Scott hadn’t actively called out for Jeff, except for in his nightmares. 

A much younger Scott had needed his father, and he hadn’t been there, so at some point the kid had stopped asking for him. 

Jeff had come back to his son’s though, and had sworn every day that he would be there for them. He would pick them up when they fell, guide them when they were lost, hold them together when they fell apart. 

Alan had just been young enough to still ask for him. 

Gordon had his moments, but had followed an example set by his older brothers. 

Virgil had always been his mother’s son, and whilst he would ask for Jeff, he knew his mother had always been the parent he had called for first. 

John wasn’t like the others, had always needed someone to see when he needed help rather than simply ask for it. 

Scott had once been like Virgil, except the oldest had been his father’s son where Virgil had been his mother’s. When Jeff had fallen into his grief, Scott had fallen to not wanting to ask for help. Ever since had had come to his senses, Jeff had been watching and doing his best to give his son what he needed. 

“You’re protecting him.” Val stated softly, the smallest of smiles playing on her lips. 

Jeff looked down again, Scott’s face slack in dreamless sleep, peaceful. 

He’d do anything to keep his son feeling that at peace, but he knew he couldn’t stop the nightmares that would come eventually.

“I didn’t protect him from them, nobody protected him.” He whispered, “He saved his crew, and he saved himself, I just turned up to pull him outta there.” 

“Maybe.” Val nodded slowly, “or maybe you turned up right when he needed you to.”

Jeff frowned across to her, “What do you mean?”

Her look was soft as she sighed, “They train us hard for what happens in prison, tell us what to do, what to say. There’s no training for this though, is there? For what comes after.”

He knew she was right, there was no guidebook or protocol for what Scott was going through. There was no command that his son could follow to make it better. 

Unless…

He felt sick at the thought, not confident that Scott was really ready for it. 

Command was something he could do though, something Jeff had seen him demonstrate a handful of times since he had woken up. He had found his voice again, rooted deep and found the stubbornness that ran strong in his genes to get himself from the bed to the chair. There was still something more needed though, something to get him to see exactly how strong he had been through everything. 

“Tomorrow,” He swallowed, “I’ll talk to him about a debrief.”

If Val was surprised by his statement, she hid it well. 

“I can’t get you in on it.” She stated with a heavy sigh, “But if he agrees, I’ll find a way for you to listen in.”

Jeff wasn’t sure he was ready for that, to hear exactly what Scott had gone through without being at his side to support him through the memories. He trusted Val though, knew she had stood up for the rest of the squadron, and knew that she would do the same if not more for the man sleeping at Jeff’s side. 

Slipping off the bed, she crossed the room to squeeze his shoulder with a silent nod before leaving them as quietly as she had come.

***

The nurses hadn’t passed comment when they had come to check on Scott, and Jeff said nothing in return as he scratched gently at his son’s scalp and thought about how stiff he would be when he did eventually wake. He deserved peace, the chance to rest undisturbed for as long as his mind would allow him. 

Jeff’s phone buzzing in his pocket startled him as he hurried to answer it before it woke Scott. 

“Virgil.” He hissed, glancing down to Scott, grateful to see him undisturbed despite the blue-tinged hologram lighting up the room. 

His middle son looked firstly shocked and then guilty across the miles, “Sorry Dad, I just-- is that… Scott?” 

Jeff realized too late that Scott would have been in the frame and immediately shifted the field to hide the eldest away from his younger brother’s eyes. 

“He’s sleeping.” He murmured, “He’s still recovering.” 

Virgil nodded quickly, eyes still clearly shocked at whatever he had picked up on of his eldest brother’s state.

“Sorry, I shouldn’t have-- I just--”

Jeff straightened, already heightened senses picking up on the tone and immediately knowing the root of why his son had called. He glanced to the clock on the wall, a digital thing that showed the date in big bold numbers beneath the time. A quick mental calculation reminded him that Virgil had a recital that day, a solo he had been practicing since before Scott had been gone. 

They had both voiced hope that he would be home to see it. 

“What is it, son?” He asked softly, “Can your Grandmother still make it today?”

Virgil nodded quickly, glancing away from the phone before looking back again, “Yeah, Grandma’s still coming.” 

His voice didn’t hold its usual enthusiasm in anticipation of playing for his family. 

“I know you hoped he’d be home for this.” Jeff murmured, his free hand scratching over Scott’s scalp again, “We all did.” 

Virgil looked away again, someone out of field calling him, “I… it’s my turn for final rehearsal.”

Jeff smiled softly, understanding without the words needing to be asked, “I’m sure we could stay on the line whilst you play.”

Virgil’s face lit up, his eyes losing most of the worry that had settled there at the sight of his big brother, “You can? Ms Graham said it was fine but Grandma sid the doctors might--”

Jeff waved him off, quickly assuring him that the doctors could say all they wished. Scott had always encouraged Virgil to play, he was certain to appreciate the soft melodies even in his sleep. 

Or not, if the hand that reached to Jeff’s leg was of any indication. 

He glanced down as Virgil placed the phone on the corner of the piano, noting how Scott’s eyes were still rested closed even as he yawned. Reaching down, he rested his free hand over his son’s, unsurprised when Scott moved his hand to grip the best he could in response. 

Awake, listening, but not ready to face his brother was the summary Jeff came to as Virgil began to play.

He wasn’t sure when Scott’s body had tensed against him, but as the music floated through the speaker of his phone, Jeff noticed as slowly each part of Scott fully relaxed. Muscles that he was certain must have been tense for months, softened and lengthened as the melody flowed over them. The splinted fingers that had tried to curl around Jeff’s hand loosened until they were no longer holding on but resting lightly against Jeff’s palm. His eyes were open but distant, focussed somewhere in the middle of the floor but not really seeing the room they were in as the notes wrapped them in something soothing and calm. 

They perhaps could have sat like that forever, at peace with the music that had once been Lucy’s. Every song had it’s end though, and all too soon Virgil was looking back to the hologram with a smile much softer than the one he had given earlier. 

“Night Scott, night Dad.” He murmured softly before hanging up without another word. 

Jeff smiled to himself as he repocketed his phone, glancing down to Scott with a raised eyebrow, “How about we get you into bed? You’ll feel it tomorrow if you sleep here all night.”

Scott grunted as he shifted upright, clearly already feeling it after the few hours he had been sat in the chair. His eyes darted across the room to the bed, his jaw tensing as he gauged the distance he had to move. 

For a brief moment, Jeff thought he would need to convince his son to accept help once more, but right as he was about to step in front of him, Scott turned and held out his arms. 

“Easy does it, right?” Jeff had asked through his surprise, stepping up and supporting Scott’s weight just as he had done so earlier. 

Together they had shuffled back to the bed, Scott’s weight shifting more and more on to Jeff the further they got. Not that he minded, hell, Jeff would carry his son across that room a thousand times if it made things better.

“Dad?” Scott slurred as he sunk back into the pillows. 

“Yes, kiddo?”

“Tell Aunt Val you can lis’en.” 

By the time Jeff had interpreted just what Scott meant, the kid was asleep. 

***

Val had brought the Generals with her the next afternoon after a more lucid Scott had agreed to the debrief. She had stood at the door as the pair had introduced themselves and then asked Jeff to leave the room. 

He would never forgive the United States Air Force for what had followed when Scott had gripped onto his sleeve and stated in no uncertain terms that he wished for his father to stay. For a brief moment, Jeff had been assured that Scott would be fine as a flicker of the self-confident son shone through in the face of his superiors. 

Those superiors had instantly extinguished the flame.

There had been no gentle reminders, or soft explanations, no understanding or care for what the airman in the bed had been through whilst they had sat in their ivory towers. Without hesitation, one had barked a sharp reminder across the room, 

“You’ll do well to remember who’s in charge here, Captain.” 

Scott had instantly cowered, turning away from the authority figures and looking to Jeff with the same fear that he had found him with back in the cells. The hand that Jeff had taken in his own had been clammy and had shook as he held on to it tight. 

“Son, you listen to me,” He had told him, ignoring the pair at his back, “I’ll be right down the hall. You tell them everything that happened, and as soon as you’re done I’ll be right back here.”

It had taken a long moment before Scott had nodded and released Jeff’s arm enough for him to leave. 

As soon as he was out the door, he had shoved in the earbud Val had slipped to him and hurried to the office down the hall she had cleared for him. 

There he had listened, barely breathing, as Scott had recounted every detail of the six months he had been gone. 

From departing for the mission, to being shot down. 

From being helped by the villagers they were meant to be saving, to being captured. 

From being thrown in a cell with the rest of his squad, to fighting to protect them when their captors had come to interrogate them. 

It had all been almost robotic, Jeff could tell his son had slipped and fallen back to the Air Man he had been six months ago. There was no emotion there, the Generals didn’t have an interest in how their people felt, just one simple fact after another. 

“Your squadron told us--”

“You debriefed my people without me?” Scott cut in, “Sir, protocol dictates that any debrief should be--”

“You were unavailable, Captain.” Val told him gently, “Protocol was followed given the circumstance.”

“Your squadron described to us how you protected them.” One General continued, as if there hadn’t been an interruption, “Did you not trust them, Captain?”

Scott’s voice held the same flicker it had earlier as he responded, “I trust them all with my life, Sir.”

“So why take the beatings in their place?”

Anger curdled in Jeff’s own stomach, it had not been as simple as beatings, even he knew that much. The animals had tortured Scott and his squad, first for information and then, he imagined, just because they could. 

“It was torture, Sir.” Scott’s voice held an edge to it, sharp and dangerous, “I wasn’t going to let my people suffer more than they needed to, not if I could help it.”

“Your squad say you bartered with your captors, is that correct?”

“I bartered to protect them.”

“Yet it wasn’t enough, was it, Captain? You still lost half your team.”

There was a long pause, a quiet shuffling and a soft murmur of assurance from Val before Scott responded. 

“I failed my people, Sir.”

Jeff bowed his head, screwing his eyes shut to force his own tears away. Scott had failed nobody, he had done his best to protect his people in any way he had been able. He had stayed strong and fought, Jeff had seen how fiercely Scott protected his own, had been called to the principal's office over fights caused by bullies too many times to count.

“Why did they separate you?”

“Sir?”

“Your squad told us that just before their rescue, your captors split you from a group cell to individual cells. Why was this?”

“I don’t know, Sir.”

“So, in all your bartering, they never gave you anything?”

“They stayed away from my people.” Scott answered, his voice wavering, “They hurt me instead of them.”

“But they didn’t, did they Captain? They still hurt your comrades, didn’t they?”

Jeff felt his heart drop, the insinuation hitting him square in the chest. 

“Not as badly as they could have, Sir.” 

“What are you insinuating, General?” Val’s voice held as much ire as Jeff felt. 

“We find it awfully convenient that the Captain is reported to have bartered with the guards and was then hidden away when the extraction team arrived.”

Jeff slammed his fist on the desk, sending pens scattering across the floor as he half stood from the seat he had taken. How dare they imply that Scott had betrayed his country! They hadn’t been there, hadn’t seen the scars or the nightmares, hadn’t heard their son scream their name like they couldn’t hear him. 

“You want to know where I was when they came?” 

Scott’s anger had always burned hot and fast, explosive against anyone that stood against him. It was something he had gotten from Jeff himself, a trait he had tried and failed to move him away from. 

Up the hallway, in a hospital bed, unable to stand for himself, Scott’s anger burned equally as hot but in a far more dangerous way. There hadn’t been any quiver in his question, each word had come as clear as the one before, his tone low and blunt. Anyone that had known the boy’s mother would have heard her as Jeff did in that question, and they would have known that whatever came next was far more dangerous than an explosion. 

“Please, enlighten us, Captain.”

Scott’s breaths turned ragged for a moment, anger and panic mixing briefly before a long breath was drawn in. 

“They put me in Solitary. To the right of the room where I was found, there was a concealed entrance, a room five by five.” 

Jeff felt sick as he remembered the screams for help he had heard over the phone, and he knew. 

“They took me there three times, General, and they left me there for weeks. Did my team tell you that? Did they tell you how they all thought I was dead the first time because I was gone for so long? Did they tell you how I couldn’t stand for a fortnight after they let me out? Did they tell you how I came back covered in my own filth because the guards thought it would remind me what sort of pig I was?”

Jeff was torn between pride and anger, between needing to listen and needing to stop. He’d had ideas, had made assumptions about everything his son must have been through, but he wasn’t sure any of them had quite matched the reality he was hearing as Scott ranted. 

“I was in there when they were saved! And I came out thinking they were dead and that I’d failed them all. That was when I gave up. That was when they could have killed me and I wouldn’t have cared.”

Jeff found himself gripping the desk to keep himself seated, his stomach churning enough that he thought about reaching for the waste bin. Scott had given up, had been ready to let them win. If Kyrano hadn’t have found him when he did…

“I think your people should be checking for that hidden room, General.” Val’s voice was the cool balm Jeff needed to hear, “That and the Squadron’s statements should be confirmation enough of Captain Tracy’s loyalty to the Force.”

Jeff didn’t wait for her text to confirm it was clear for him to return. He didn’t acknowledge the Generals as he passed them in the hallway. He didn’t stop for anything or anyone until his arms were wrapped around his son. 

Scott clung to him in return, a raw sob breaking free the moment that Val left them alone. 

“I’ve got you kiddo.” He murmured into his hair, “You’ve been so strong, I’m so proud. You didn’t fail, you saved Jen and Gary and Sienna, you did good Scott. You’re so brave.” 

His son’s tears weren’t like the ones that came before, they lacked the shaking grip that had come with fear and memories of terror that had been haunting him since he had woken up. 

His sobs were raw, his grip solid and sure against Jeff’s back, like he had finally realized that his father wasn’t going anywhere without him. He wasn’t sure if it was relief, anger, or something else that fueled them, but it was something.

He held on and kept repeating the soothing mantra until the sobs subsided into long aching breaths and Scott pulled back, clearly spent. 

“Dad?” He murmured, eyes drifting as Jeff repositioned himself to take hold of his hand.

“Yeah, kiddo?”

HIs eyes flickered to him, brow furrowing as he spoke, “I lied to them.” 

Jeff leant closer, holding on to Scott’s hand with both of his, “To who?”

“The Generals. Told ‘em I didn’t care. I did though, I wanted to come home, wanted to see the boys, and wanted to see you. Then you found me.”

He pulled Scott back to his chest, hugging him tightly as his own tears broke free and ran down into his son’s hair. 

[rowanisawriter]

writer q&a

thanks for the tag @luvwich i love talking about myself lmao

tagging… @mashamorevvna @yourworsttotebag @swordbisexual no pressure

When did you start writing?

10 or 11 handwriting a three part series in notebooks lol i still remember the plot of my first book which was basically xmen AU. fic writing also started around that time

Are there different themes or genres you enjoy reading than what you write?

not really, my writing and my taste in reading usually align. even poetry which i read a lot of but don’t write, somehow still sneaks into my writing because i like making things read pretty

Is there a writer you want to emulate or get compared to often?

idk about fic but for published authors i like sally rooney and her character work, and i also love t. s. eliot’s rhythmic style in poetry, im always trying to emulate them

Can you tell me a bit about your writing space?

i have a toddler to the answer so this for now is my phone on the couch or in my bed in the middle of the night lmao. i’ve learned how to write under weird circumstances, but hopefully once she gives back some of the mental capacity she takes from me daily then i’ll sit at a table or something

What's your most effective way to muster up a muse?

can’t do it easily lol it comes to me in visions, usually after i read something or see a piece of art but if it’s not there it’s not there

Are there any recurring themes in your writing? Do they surprise you?

i write a lot about religion… no that’s not surprising…. i also write a lot about love… that’s not surprising either lol

What is your reason for writing?

i like stories a lot, and i like being praised, so writing stories and having people read them checks two boxes for me lol

Is there any specific comment or type of comment you find particularly motivating?

all comments are precious, but comments where people find something that i didn’t consciously put into a fic those are my favorite comments. i put a lot of myself into everything i write, sometimes i write things i don’t think about, when someone points it out it feels very personal (good)

How do you want to be thought about by your readers?

hope i don’t come across as insane, i want to be aloof and interesting but then people find me on tumblr and learn the truth

What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?

hopefully emotion, i focus a lot on that instead of setting or plot most of the time so if i get emotion right then that’s good, as long as i can make someone feel something then they’re compelled to continue reading (conversely when i am reading something and don’t feel any emotional connection to the thing then i put it down)

How do you feel about your own writing?

i like it very much, it’s the exact thing i want to read, and it was a very long road getting here to my true voice and style. i reread my own work constantly i really like it

When you write, are you influenced by what others might enjoy reading, or do you write purely for yourself, or a mix of both?

i can only write for myself, the motivation to write is only there if it’s something i want to write, even challenges and prompts i struggle with because there is some aspect of “this isn’t truly my idea” that i struggle with. i’ve written things that just aren’t popular (weird ship, quiet fandom, etc) but i wrote it anyway because i wanted to. obvs i want to be read otherwise i wouldn’t post online but i have a good audience now so usually no matter what i write it does get read anyway, so may as well just write what i want lol

[e-dubbc11]

Good morning love! I am SO excited for this event and you're prolly gonna hate me, but I'm all in for the angst right now (damn hormones!) so let's go with song selection of Burning House by Cam, with the one and only Billy Russo.

PS: my son's birthday is Sept 29th too!! <3

Hello my love!! Thank you SO much for following me, reading my fics and being such a kind friend to me, I appreciate you! ♥️ And happy early birthday to your son as well! ♥️

So I listened to the song on repeat one morning while getting ready for work and I had to dry my eyes a few times trying to put my makeup on. You really did go for the angst for billy, didn’t you! I hope you like what I did here and did justice to your ask. I’ll link the song at the end. And you know I could never ever hate you 😘

I know the song is called Burning House but the ocean also inspired this one.

Drowning

Photos are not mine. They are courtesy of Pinterest/Google.

Pairing: Billy Russo x F! Reader

Warnings: Angst, a lot of it, crying, death (in a way)

Word Count: 1.2K-ish

Summary: Your reoccurring dream haunts you every night. Maybe you said some things you shouldn’t have and wonder if you’ve made a mistake.

As always, thank you for reading!  I appreciate it so much and comments, reblogs are welcome and encouraged. Don’t be shy to tell me your favorite part. 💕💕 💕

The world was silent except for the lapping of the miniature waves as they calmly knocked against your body. There was a sense of peace to it yet eerie and unknown. The lack of sound encompassed everything, there were no cries for help, no erratic splashing, and no signs of rescue or wreckage from a boat.

It was just you…all alone.

There weren’t any stars to decorate the night sky, just like on all the other nights you had this dream. It was just a blanket of navy, the sky blended seamlessly down into the ocean with a silvery claw of a moon directly above you.

It was the only light against the darkness which wasn’t much.

But there wasn’t anything for miles, in any direction. No land, no light, and not a soul in sight.

These dreams, or more accurately, nightmares, had no real beginning, all you could recall was that as soon as your eyes opened inside the dream, you couldn’t breathe, you were struggling underwater and had to quickly swim to the surface before you ran out of air.

Once you reached the surface, you inhaled sharply to catch your breath, and frantically looked around for something or someone to hold on to but there wasn’t anything or anyone. There was only a vast space with nothing on the horizon from what you could see of it.

The weight of your clothing made it difficult to keep your head above water as you did your best to rotate your legs like an eggbeater, pushing the water underneath your bottom so your head would remain on top of the water.

The lack of wind created more silence which you didn’t know was possible and that’s when the fear and panic set in. Which direction were you supposed to swim in? Toward land? You didn’t see any!

The water chilled you to the bone which made your muscles tight like thick rubber bands and afraid to use them in fear they may snap in half. And who knows what lurked beneath your feet? It could be wildlife or rip currents…you shuddered to think.

But you had to at least TRY to save yourself.

The highly flavored taste of salt was in the air, not just in the water as it splashed against your lips. Gliding on your side, you forcefully pushed the water away from you, propelling you forward and hoping you were headed in the right direction.

After swimming for awhile, you could hear a faint call for help ahead of you. Was there someone else that was stranded and trying to get to safety? Or was your hearing deceiving you?

The faded ethereal glow of the crescent moon gave you some light and in the distance you could see a figure waving his hands in the air, the white shirt he was wearing made it easier to see him.

The man looked familiar and as you swam closer, you realized why. The handsome face, short well-groomed beard, with eyes and hair that matched the late night sky…it was the man you once loved, and his name was Billy Russo.

Your on again, off again relationship with Billy had become too much for you to handle and it was you who ended it this time but you said some things to him that were out of line and that he didn’t deserve.

But you couldn’t take them back, those words were hurtful and no apology in the world could make you move on and forget about them as if nothing happened.

You did it for selfish reasons, to make yourself feel better, and convinced yourself that it was the best thing for you to do. But in the aftermath, you regretted it, wondered if there could have been a better way to handle it, and you had been lost ever since.

Lost in your dreams of a dark, wide open ocean with no direction of where to go or anyone to help you get home.

But there he was, calling out to you for help, and you thought you could make peace and apologize in your dreams by saving him. But while you were free to try and swim to shore, he was confined to stay there…forever.

His ankle was chained to a weight that went straight to the ocean floor and no matter how hard you tried, there was no way for you to get it off and free him.

“Save yourself, sweet girl.” Said Billy, calmly.

His words slipped into your heart like a piece of broken glass, the ache in your chest would be permanent, and you’d never forgive yourself for it if you left him to die alone.

Billy had been alone for his entire life. He didn’t have family or friends except for the Castle family. He would tell you all the time that he didn’t need relationships or want them. “They make you weak.” He would say.

He kept coming back to you, though.

But his constant mood swings and fits of jealousy kept giving you whiplash and you finally had enough.

“You don’t give anyone a reason to love you. You don’t love anyone except yourself and that’s why you’ll probably die alone. You have to deserve to be loved.” You had said.

You were angry and you didn’t mean it but you couldn’t take it back. His physical wounds from his childhood and from war had faded, still visible but faded.

Those awful words you had hissed cut him more deeply than any bullet ever could and they weren’t true. When bones are broken, they heal stronger than they were before but a broken heart never quite heals the same. The pieces never fit exactly as they had before.

Your dreams were a way you could be with him, make everything right, and to make sure he wouldn’t die alone. They were a way you could fix it all.

Telling him to save his strength was useless, he would use his energy to kiss you and tell you he loved you and you reciprocated, using all of your energy to do the same.

Both of you were incredibly stubborn.

“I won’t leave you, Billy.” You would tell him. “Ever again.”

You and Billy fought tirelessly to try and stay above water but eventually, your strength was going to give out, the muscles in your arms and legs burned like white hot fire and felt like they had been shredded to pieces rendering you unable to keep yourself up.

You couldn’t hold on any longer, but at least you were together when the ocean finally opened up and swallowed you whole.

That’s when you would wake up, still confused, still lost, and still not knowing what to do. It made you sob every single time.

These chilling dreams would continue night after night until you fixed what was broken. Was it possible to fix it? Or was it too late? Would he forgive you? COULD he forgive you?

There was only one way to find out.

I've been sleepwalking

Been wandering all night

Trying to take what’s lost and broken

And make it right

I've been sleepwalking

Too close to the fire

But it's the only place that I can hold you tight

In this burning house

Tag List: @wheresthesunshinesblog @idaoftheburningmind @rafaelakelley @fakehappy27 @snowkestrel @music-indie-tv @kayhi808 @munsonownsmyass @gijos @fictional-hooman @nutmeg17 @k-marzolf @vaguekayla @rosaleenablack @danzer8705 @fireeyes-on-teller-dixon-grimes @mysteriouslydeafeningwerewolf @aoi-targaryen @rachlovesactors @qu1etwolf

Others that might enjoy: @itwasthereaminuteago @fluffyprettykitty @jvanilly @ittybxttykxttytxtty @imagine-a-fictional-boyfriend @mrsbillyrusso @colereads

If you’d like to be added (or removed from) my tag list(s) for the ever so handsome Billy Russo, just let me know and thank you again for reading! 💕💕💕 If I tagged you but you didn’t want to be, just let me know and I’ll never do it again.

[apollos-favorite-child]

ooc post abt some drama

So I’m pretty sure everyone has either interacted with @/demigod-jack-hearth or at least seen some of the posts that were made abt his Circe au. I’ve been trying to keep track of everyone’s thoughts on this (namely @unhinged-waterlilly and @if-chaos-was-a-boy who both have really helpful posts about it) and since I’m capable of producing coherent thoughts every once in a while, I thought I would share my thoughts on all of this.

So I should probably start with the AU, which really was the cause of a lot of this chaos. So first of all, making it in the first place was a very interesting choice. I’m not sure if Jack based it more off the odyssey or the epic musical, but either way it’s just a very weird decision. I understand people like to project on their character which makes sense, but Jack never mentioned being r@ped. (And I hope he never was) but it feels like if he was comfortable enough to make that part of an AU, he would’ve probably mentioned it one of the times he was trying to defend himself.

I understand that HE might’ve thought it was a fine change to make since he was comfortable with it, but I’ve seen a handful of people saying it made them uncomfortable. I’m aware it’s not his job to make sure everyone is happy, but the whole AU was really unnecessary knowing it could’ve made someone uncomfortable.

People even went to Jack saying they were v!ctims and they didn’t like his AU, and he basically told them to fuck off, without ANY condolences or apologies to the people for having to go through that. Those people shared their experiences and he just didn’t care.

And YES Odysseus is a fictional character, but his trauma is still basically being disrespected. I’ve seen a couple of people saying other are being dramatic since they are angry about him being invalidated, but it makes sense to me why they would be angry.

One anon (who was a sa victim of I remember right) came to Jack being rude, and SO many people have been rude to this anon, calling them either rude or dramatic, but honestly I think they were just really angry about what Jack had done (which is perfectly understandable) and they didn’t really think or bother to be polite when they sent that. They made a mistake too, but I don’t think jacks response was any better.

And once he realized that he was wrong (after having to be confronted by multiple people) he NEVER apologized. The words “I’m sorry” were not on a single one of his posts. He basically was just trying and failing to defend himself. This all could’ve been solved much quicker with a simple apology, but he’s more concerned with making sure everyone likes him and that he’s right so he doesn’t have to deal with any guilt.

And now he’s apparently disappeared and has been self harming and just struggling a lot. But you want to know what I find interesting? Jack never mentioned having a boyfriend, and now Fred has taken control of his account, responding to almost everyone and trying to defend Jack. I might be the only one, but I did NOT understand how to use tumblr at first, and it took me a while until I even learned how to reblog people and tag stuff. Even once I did learn how to tag people, I wasn’t tagging 20+ people on every post like Jack does. Another interesting thing is that the blog said something along the lines of “I didn’t mean to blah blah blah” and sounded like it was Jack defending himself, but then the message ended with -Freddy

If I was Fred, I would’ve made ONE post explaining why Jack disappeared, and not mentioning any of the sh or breakdowns. He could’ve made a post without mentioning all of that and disrespecting jacks privacy. Instead, he’s been responding to every person and mostly trying to defend Jack in every one of them. He also said he locked Jack out of his tumblr account, which you LITERALLY CANNOT DO unless he took away Jacks phone, which just seems really controlling, even if he did think it was best for Jack. So yes, this is me saying that I don’t think Fred is real. Especially since Jack is a ROLEPLAYER, and we are completely used to acting like different people.

Going back to the self-harm topic, I think that parts very weird as well. He’s made self harm jokes, and while I know perfectly well people can use humor as a coping mechanism, that’s just another really insensitive thing to do. It just doesn’t really make sense to me how you can make self harm jokes one week and then let your boyfriend tell a bunch of people on the internet you’ve been trying to hurt yourself.

Overall I think this spiraled into a lot more than it should’ve been, and this all wouldn’t have happened if he had just apologized, or just never have made that AU.

jacks tag list- @zariahthewitch @thegroovydaughterofhestia @if-chaos-was-a-boy @the-gods-strange-children @silena-daughterofaphrodite

@fabulousdaughterofhecate @weakest-son-of-sun @chaos-pers0nified @neoptolemus-achilles-son

@bast-the-best26 @goddess-of-bubblegum @gaygirldoodles @luck-is-crucial

@reyna4ever @vicious-daughter-of-zeus @feral-hermes-child @oopsies-i-did-a-thing @unfortunate-daughter-of-hestia

@that-girl-cupid @ariathemortal @love-lightning-forethought @emdabitchass

@kaiaalwayswins @champion-of-revenge @i-was-never-sane @clown-energy-skyrocketing @zoe-aura-of-d3ath

@itsyourboyezra @lunar-eklipso-r @pink-koi-lovejoy @that-daughter-of-athena

@sleepy-as-a-song @smileyalater @thedaughter-of-death @gellyhelio @daughter-ofthe-moontitan

@demeters-daughter-is-done @the-smart-and-the-dumb-one @trinket-snatcher @southerndaughterofeos

@creature-under-ur-bed @burnt-out-bitxhes

[kenjakusbraincum]

Heey, I LOVE your writings on soft sukuna, you write so beautifully🩷 please can you do one where he is jealous (fluff)😭🩷

Thank you sm for the kind words!!! Here's my best attempt at doing your idea justice <3

Sukuna has no real reason to be jealous. He practically owns you, controls every aspect of your life, who or what could he possibly be jealous of? Every servant who dared approach you in an inappropriate way would be dealt with swiftly. And you're a good pet, who has eyes for no one other than your master. You really don't give him a reason.

But there's this one thing... Since you've been so good and obedient, Sukuna has allowed you many liberties. You're permitted to skip around the mansion, watch Uraume cook, even enjoy little hobbies. You've tried many before you found that crocheting particularly piqued your interest. Ever since you've learned the basics, you've been spending hours working on perfecting your skills. At first it was cute, watching you squint in concentration as you move the hook. But then the math became really simple - having this hobby to keep you busy meant you approached Sukuna out of boredom a lot less. And he noticed it. It irked him, but you're not technically doing anything wrong. You were still as happy to serve him as ever, he just had to ask. But why would he have to ask? You should be all over him on your own. He should have to push you away, not beg you to give him attention. He didn't like this disturbance in your master and pet balance that this little hobby of yours caused.

He stands at the door now. You're crocheting again. You and your favorite servant laugh at your failed creation so sweetly, you don't even notice he's waiting. He clicks his tongue to establish his presence, and your servant falls to her knees immediately. You however, are not held to that high of a standard anymore.

"Master!", you call him, and hop up to greet him with a deep bow. Before he can say anything, you've picked up the piece of fabric you've been working on and ran into his arms to show him.

He looks at the ugly form and scoffs. "This is what I'm sponsoring?", he says and pulls a loose piece of yarn, making your little creation fall apart. He always was a bully, but you note his bad mood.

"I'm only a beginner...", you sulk.

"That much is obvious.", he flicks the yarn away and it falls onto the floor. Before you can bend to pick it up, he seizes your wrist and pulls you back. "Aren't you a little young to waste time with hobbies for the elderly?", he asks. You look at him with your cutest, practiced doe eyes, but it doesn't work.

"Come, pet. I know an activity more suitable for your age.", he says when you don't respond, and steps out of the room. You hop after him, unaffected by his condescending comments. You know that they're just for show. If he really thought you were a hag, you would've been gone a long time ago.

"Sitting at your throne all day?", you tease innocently and join him at his side, sliding your arm underneath one of his. You hope your playfulness will distract him from whatever is bothering him. "Or in a bath?" His lower set of eyes peeks at you and smirks, noticing that you're feeling particularly daring today. He's not sure how he feels about that. "Or in your bed." He rolls his eyes gently and opens the door to his chambers.

"At least then you'd be serving your purpose and actually spending time with your master.", he comments and shuts the door. His comment catches you a bit off guard and you stop in front of his bed. He makes his way towards you, and you look up at him with an insulted expression.

"Master, are you jealous of a ball of yarn?", you ask playfully, and squeal when he suddenly pushes you down to sit on the bed. Now you're at eye level... with his crotch.

"You've got quite a big mouth today. Put it to good use for a change, will you?", he runs his hand from the crown of your head to the back of your neck. You seem to have struck a nerve, so it really is the ball of yarn. Is it possible that Sukuna is this clingy?

"Will you?", he repeats and tugs on your hair and narrows his eyes. You smile obediently and reach behind him to untie his obi.

"Yes Master."

-

You try your best to manage the time you spend crocheting from then on, working on productivity in the hours that you dedicate to developing this skill. And it helps that you have a specific goal in mind now: helping Sukuna realize that this hobby is a friend, not an enemy. He still catches you engaging in it sometimes, and gives you a dirty look, but you're as quick as ever to drop what you're doing and join him. That seems to satisfy him.

When you're finally happy with the result of your creation, you look for Sukuna around the mansion. It's not really that hard to find him, as he frequents three places most of all: the dining room, his bedroom and his throne room. This time, he's sitting on his throne, and a small line of people wait for their turn to be gifted his attention. You on the other hand, don't have to wait in line to get it. His lower set of eyes spots you the moment you enter the chamber. You're allowed to roam the mansion, but barging in unannounced is not standard even for you.

Still, Sukuna has learned that you usually only feel daring enough to cross boundaries when you're sure he'll like what you have in mind. So for now, he will let this slide. He's bored as hell anyways. The people are dismissed and you pass by them on your way to his throne, nestled on a pile of bones. You stop in front of it and greet him with a bow.

"Master, I come to you with a humble offering.", you say with your hands on your thighs and your eyes fixated on the ground.

"Show me.", he says simply, but you recognize entertainment in his voice. You climb up the bones and feel his stare scan you from head to toe, before you sit on his knee.

"May I ask you to close your eyes?", you ask and flutter your lashes. Oh the way you seduce him. Who else could ask Sukuna to do something as dangerous as close his eyes? Give his opponent valuable time to land an attack. Who else could dare? And who else would he ever listen to and really close his eyes? Really do as he's told? Oh how safe he feels with you.

You take one of his large hands into yours, and gently pry his long fingers away to open his palm. He has beautiful hands. The only ones you've ever known, but you're sure they're the most beautiful hands in the world. So dangerous, so elegant. You want to press a kiss to his palm, but you hope your gift will have the same, maybe even more profound effect.

Something soft touches his skin, and then you speak, as politely as before. "You may look.", in your softest voice. And when he opens his eyes, he finds himself looking at you first. You're an offering on your own.

Then he looks at his hand. Two crocheted plush figures resembling him and yourself lay flat on his palm, connected through their holding hands. At first glance, it looks like they're two separate creations. In a sense, they are, but... He tries to part them.

"We're sewn together.", you explain. He hums in amusement and inspects your gift more closely. His plush is bigger, recognizable by the pink hair and four buttons for eyes. It's even wearing his favorite kimono. Yours is smaller and less detailed. You look like any other human when placed next to him, insignificant. But in a sea of pets, entertainers and lovers he's had in the past, he would never fail to recognize it as you.

He's spent so long looking at it with that face of his that you just can't read. You're starting to grow restless in his lap, and he feels your eyes dwell into his soul. When he looks back at you with one pair of eyes, your brows are furrowed in worry and you're fiddling your hands in your lap. He pats you on the head and pulls you closer, so you have no choice but to lean on his frame.

"It's beautiful, darling.", his fingers run through your hair, scraping your scalp softly. "No loose threads either.", he looks at you with all four eyes now, and you feel so small in his arms. You're not used to receiving this many compliments from Sukuna at once. Not ones that weren't directed at your body or performance. Especially not when he's looking at you so tenderly, when every word sounds so loving and genuine. "You've improved so much.", his hand is on your face now, and you catch him glancing at your lips. You part them to start thanking him, but you already know how much he hates listening to that.

You stay quiet instead, and lean closer, letting him take you. And he kisses you so softly, fingertips light against your heated skin. You feel like you're floating, like a lily pad in a warm pond. The littlest gesture of his affection has you melting in his embrace. The power he has over you... and how wonderful it is to surrender yourself to it.

None of the liberties and privileges you've been awarded with compare to this. You know that many pets have walked these halls before you. Many warmed his bed and claimed the title of his favorite. But how many loved him like this? Enough to dedicate time of their day to making intricate gifts. How many could say Sukuna kissed them lovingly, for no other reason than to show gratitude and affection?

You're flushed completely red by the time his lips leave yours. You can't hold the intensity of his gaze, as he stares at you in adoration. "I'm happ.. I'm glad you l-like it...", you stumble through the words and win a giggle out of him. You are just so cute. Like a pet should be. He rubs your head again and pushes you away lightly.

"Go now, the people await me.", he says with a benevolent smile gracing his face. "I'll see you tonight."

You bow to him and leave.

And when you visit him that night, he is as gentle as he was when he kissed you earlier, still in a good mood after your gift. Caressing your hair, shoulders and back, as you lay comfortably with your head on his chest. Keeping you warm in his embrace. You're trying your best to follow the conversation, but sleep is slowly taking over you. Sukuna notices and plants a kiss to your forehead, wishing you goodnight. The last thing you see before your eyes close, is your handcrafted plushies sitting on his nightstand.

[suddencolds]

.~