#this ended up being much longer than I intended

[apollos-favorite-child]

ooc post abt some drama

So I’m pretty sure everyone has either interacted with @/demigod-jack-hearth or at least seen some of the posts that were made abt his Circe au. I’ve been trying to keep track of everyone’s thoughts on this (namely @unhinged-waterlilly and @if-chaos-was-a-boy who both have really helpful posts about it) and since I’m capable of producing coherent thoughts every once in a while, I thought I would share my thoughts on all of this.

So I should probably start with the AU, which really was the cause of a lot of this chaos. So first of all, making it in the first place was a very interesting choice. I’m not sure if Jack based it more off the odyssey or the epic musical, but either way it’s just a very weird decision. I understand people like to project on their character which makes sense, but Jack never mentioned being r@ped. (And I hope he never was) but it feels like if he was comfortable enough to make that part of an AU, he would’ve probably mentioned it one of the times he was trying to defend himself.

I understand that HE might’ve thought it was a fine change to make since he was comfortable with it, but I’ve seen a handful of people saying it made them uncomfortable. I’m aware it’s not his job to make sure everyone is happy, but the whole AU was really unnecessary knowing it could’ve made someone uncomfortable.

People even went to Jack saying they were v!ctims and they didn’t like his AU, and he basically told them to fuck off, without ANY condolences or apologies to the people for having to go through that. Those people shared their experiences and he just didn’t care.

And YES Odysseus is a fictional character, but his trauma is still basically being disrespected. I’ve seen a couple of people saying other are being dramatic since they are angry about him being invalidated, but it makes sense to me why they would be angry.

One anon (who was a sa victim of I remember right) came to Jack being rude, and SO many people have been rude to this anon, calling them either rude or dramatic, but honestly I think they were just really angry about what Jack had done (which is perfectly understandable) and they didn’t really think or bother to be polite when they sent that. They made a mistake too, but I don’t think jacks response was any better.

And once he realized that he was wrong (after having to be confronted by multiple people) he NEVER apologized. The words “I’m sorry” were not on a single one of his posts. He basically was just trying and failing to defend himself. This all could’ve been solved much quicker with a simple apology, but he’s more concerned with making sure everyone likes him and that he’s right so he doesn’t have to deal with any guilt.

And now he’s apparently disappeared and has been self harming and just struggling a lot. But you want to know what I find interesting? Jack never mentioned having a boyfriend, and now Fred has taken control of his account, responding to almost everyone and trying to defend Jack. I might be the only one, but I did NOT understand how to use tumblr at first, and it took me a while until I even learned how to reblog people and tag stuff. Even once I did learn how to tag people, I wasn’t tagging 20+ people on every post like Jack does. Another interesting thing is that the blog said something along the lines of “I didn’t mean to blah blah blah” and sounded like it was Jack defending himself, but then the message ended with -Freddy

If I was Fred, I would’ve made ONE post explaining why Jack disappeared, and not mentioning any of the sh or breakdowns. He could’ve made a post without mentioning all of that and disrespecting jacks privacy. Instead, he’s been responding to every person and mostly trying to defend Jack in every one of them. He also said he locked Jack out of his tumblr account, which you LITERALLY CANNOT DO unless he took away Jacks phone, which just seems really controlling, even if he did think it was best for Jack. So yes, this is me saying that I don’t think Fred is real. Especially since Jack is a ROLEPLAYER, and we are completely used to acting like different people.

Going back to the self-harm topic, I think that parts very weird as well. He’s made self harm jokes, and while I know perfectly well people can use humor as a coping mechanism, that’s just another really insensitive thing to do. It just doesn’t really make sense to me how you can make self harm jokes one week and then let your boyfriend tell a bunch of people on the internet you’ve been trying to hurt yourself.

Overall I think this spiraled into a lot more than it should’ve been, and this all wouldn’t have happened if he had just apologized, or just never have made that AU.

jacks tag list- @zariahthewitch @thegroovydaughterofhestia @if-chaos-was-a-boy @the-gods-strange-children @silena-daughterofaphrodite

@fabulousdaughterofhecate @weakest-son-of-sun @chaos-pers0nified @neoptolemus-achilles-son

@bast-the-best26 @goddess-of-bubblegum @gaygirldoodles @luck-is-crucial

@reyna4ever @vicious-daughter-of-zeus @feral-hermes-child @oopsies-i-did-a-thing @unfortunate-daughter-of-hestia

@that-girl-cupid @ariathemortal @love-lightning-forethought @emdabitchass

@kaiaalwayswins @champion-of-revenge @i-was-never-sane @clown-energy-skyrocketing @zoe-aura-of-d3ath

@itsyourboyezra @lunar-eklipso-r @pink-koi-lovejoy @that-daughter-of-athena

@sleepy-as-a-song @smileyalater @thedaughter-of-death @gellyhelio @daughter-ofthe-moontitan

@demeters-daughter-is-done @the-smart-and-the-dumb-one @trinket-snatcher @southerndaughterofeos

@creature-under-ur-bed @burnt-out-bitxhes

[reallyhatethiswebsite]

This is also me shamelessly submitting another request alongside my very NSFW one: could we get Raphael being there while Tav gives birth?

Tav paced back and forth, hands resting on her swollen belly. Each time a contraction tore through her she would grimace, bend forward as much as possible, and bear it with whatever dignity she scrounged up. When the pain passed, she’d resume pacing.

“Mistress,” said the Infernal physician, “perhaps you should lay down -”

“No,” barked Tav. “I don’t want to lay down.”

“So you intend to wear a trench into my floors instead?” Drawled Raphael.

“Yes,” replied Tav, glaring daggers at him.

“Mistress,” the physician tried again, “it would be easier for both you and the child if you -”

“I’m not bloody laying down,” growled Tav. “I’ve been laying down for the last three months of pregnancy. I need to move around or I’m going to cut this baby out of my stomach myself.”

“You won’t change her mind,” Raphael said lightly, “she’s a stubborn creature. She’ll do things her way until she simply cannot any longer.”

The physician sighed, rubbing her eyes.

Tav’s waters had broken several hours ago – much to poor Haarlep’s horror. Raphael was away on business at the time, but as soon as word reached him that his first offspring was about to be born, he’d burst back into the house, physician in tow. The birthing room had been ready for a few days, Tav slightly exceeding her due date, so the three had sequestered inside. Now it was simply a waiting game. The physician hovered nearby. Raphael sat in a plush, comfy chair, seeming to all the world as indifferent and relaxed as usual. Only the occasional twitch of his tail gave away his potential anxiety.

It felt like the entire House of Hope, even every wailing soul within the walls, were holding their breaths. Teetering on the edge of anticipation for the ushering in of a new era: the birth of a prince.

“Ah…!” Tav stopped in her tracks. Hissed as fresh, furious pain wracked her. Different, sharper than before. It didn’t fade. “I think…argh, I think he’s coming…!”

The physician touched Tav’s belly, felt lower, between her thighs. “Yes. You’re open enough. I feel his head. You need to get into the water.”

The physician helped Tav out of her sweat-soaked nightdress and in to the bathing pool of hot water. Raphael watched intently, his onyx and ember eyes never blinking, as Tav – teeth gritted – eased herself into a sitting position, knees up and apart. The water and its soothing magic helped, but the baby wanted out, now. Demanding, just like his father, and damn was she feeling it.

“Gods…he finally decides he’s ready and he’s just going to…to rip right through me…” Tav panted. Curled her fists. Cried out as a violent contraction signalled the end, and the beginning.

“Start pushing,” instructed the physician. Tav groaned, a sound that morphed into a dull scream. Raphael stood up, crossed the room, standing close. His tail thrashed wildly but his expression remained neutral. Tav gave him a foul, pained look.

“This is your fault,” she snarled, slapping her palms on the sides of the bath. “I’ll kill you for this, I swear it.”

“Of course you will, darling,” purred Raphael.

He was not indifferent to her suffering, she knew. Part of him enjoyed it. That she was agonising to bring their – his – son into life only made her pain taste sweeter. It was the simple truth of Raphael’s nature. Something Tav had accepted long ago. Birthing this baby was the scariest thing she’d ever done, scarier than coming to terms with how she felt for a diabolical devil, that she was willing to give him her soul and her heart. Even facing down the Netherbrain didn’t compare. She was hurting and she was frightened, but Raphael was there, strong and assured and steady, and Tav knew she could get through it.

Not without one Hell of a fuss, however.

“GET THIS DAMN THING OUT OF ME!” She bellowed between screams.

“Keep pushing!” Yelled the physician.

“What do you think I’m doing?!” Tav roared back.

“Push, Tav,” Raphael intoned. Commanded. “Let our son’s life begin.”

Eventually, amidst the blood and pain and chaos, it did. A wrinkled, wet and wailing infant was placed on Tav’s chest and she, exhausted and delirious, loved him instantly and irrevocably.

“Healthy,” declared the physician, “and strong. Very strong.”

Tav tiredly adjusted her baby, who latched onto her nipple and began to suckle. His thin, ropey little tail curled. Raphael looked down at them, smug and preening with pride. He would never be the type to offer her his hand to squeeze for comfort, or become overly emotional and adoring of his new son, but he was there. He stayed. And those things mattered more to Tav than her pride would ever let her admit.

[cowboygideon]

I love so much how every time we see art and patrick before knee-gate, they're eating (or drinking) something "unhealthy." Like the hotdogs and the churros and the cigarettes, of course (which I'm now realizing are all phallic symbolism LMAO) plus the coca-colas and the beer. Because it just furthers this idea that Patrick is a kind of corrupting force to Art, who we know, as Ice, is a very controlled person. And then, during their final game, you have Art with his fuckass protein paste, or whatever, but Patrick with the banana, which obviously isn't unhealthy, but still something much more akin to the food of your average person—and he offers it to him! Jokingly, yeah, because he knows he's not going to take it, but also, like offering his hand, inviting Art to take part in his own corruption once again. Plus, a banana?? Could they have found a more dick-like food? Insanity.

Also I like that the one scene we have of the throuple in a room together (the party notwithstanding), Tashi is also drinking the beer. Because Patrick stokes the fire in her too, brings out a part of her that Art alone doesn't.

I was thinking about this because I saw a cut scene in the script, where Tashi and Art smoke a cigarette, and I found it really interesting. Because, for one, I understand why they'd cut it, since such a big part of the artashi dynamic is restraint, repression, both pushed further into the frigid parts of their personalities, so having them do something like that without Patrick around might remove some of that. But ALSO I think it was such a good scene because they both start coughing during it, and it sort of feels like their trying to make up for Patrick's absence with each other, but they fail. They need Patrick to push them completely out of their comfort zones—or else they'll just keep toeing that line between the familiar and the unfamiliar, safety and freedom.

Anyway, in conclusion, welcome back Adam and Eve and that fucking snake, enjoy your apple [polyamory].

[dragonanon]

can you do a chapter based on your Death!Reader and God!Brother hcs where Death wakes up from her sleep and goes to Heaven to check up on her brother's children and everyone is obviously terrified of her?

Hmmm…I’m not typically one to do requests because the urge to write is so sporadic and random for me. BUT I have been thinking about the initial confrontation in Heaven for a while now, so here are some head cannons for that. >w>

——

- It’s a typical perfect day in Heaven…Until it isn’t. Having seen what had become of your realm and learning Heaven was to blame for it, you’re on your way to rip someone a new asshole.

- Screams erupt from the Angels as the ground begins to shake and the bright sky darkens. Sera and Emily rush out just in time to join the Angels in watching in abject terror as a massive pool of darkness forms on the ground, and from it slowly rises a menacing figure.

- The figure is massive, and it only continues to rise until even the tallest building barely reaches its hips. Its six long horns twist and arch toward the sky, only making the figure appear even taller. Upon reaching its full height, the figure spreads its six mighty wings, each one sporting a menacingly sharp claw and all as shrouded in darkness as the rest of the figure.

- As its wings blot out the sun further, the figure opens its many blazing white eyes; two where you’d normally expect to see eyes, a third in the center of its forehead, and dozens more scattered across its wings and body.

- Sera lost all color as soon as she saw the figure rising, and somehow lost even MORE color when the figure opened all of its eyes. She looks like she shit herself, and Emily is panicking, trying desperately to get Sera to tell her what’s going on; she’s never seen the older Seraph look so terrified.

- With this unimaginably imposing figure now looming over Heaven, Adam decides this is the PERFECT time to attack, having been dumb enough to think this was a Demon attacking Heaven.

- The exorcists fly up towards the figure, ready to attack. This only angers the figure further however, and with a rumble that shakes the ground itself, the figure merely flaps its wings; creating a gust of wind so powerful it knocks all the exorcists back onto the ground.

- It’s at this point Sera FINALLY snaps out of it, rushing to Adam in mad panic and damn nearly strangling him while telling him to call off the exorcists. Which he does, albeit with some reluctance.

- This doesn’t stop him from asking Sera what gives, and her response is “Adam you absolute fucking fool, that is DEATH!”

- Now it’s Adam’s turn to look like he shit himself. “Death? As in, “the big man himself’s younger sister” Death?? As in, “the baddest bitch you’ve EVER seen, but can kill ANYTHING by just touching it” Death??? THAT fucking Death????” Ignoring that last statement, Sera’s frantic nodding in confirmation confirms to Adam that he has indeed fucked up. Big time. Adam then proceeds to lose all color in his face and practically cowers behind Sera as she cautiously approaches you, mentally preparing herself to be reaped on the spot.

- Back to your perspective however, you’re fucking PISSED. So pissed that you don’t even notice or stop to think that most of Heaven’s inhabitants likely have NO CLUE who you are, and are likely legitimately fearing for their lives. Meanwhile for all the older Angels and Angelic beings who’ve been alive long enough to have known you before you went to sleep, like Sera, they’re all still very much afraid, but it’s more in line with the “oh shit mom’s home early and she saw the mess we made in the kitchen, she’s gonna kill us!” kind of fear.

- The fact that they sent exorcists at you makes you even angrier. Like for starters, how fucking weak do they think you are that you could be stopped by just some low level Angelic beings with pointy sticks?? And then the audacity to even attack you to begin with, like THEY weren’t the ones who fucked up and you’re just some kind of strange intruder needing to be slain?? The INDIGNITY of it all!

- Your voice booms throughout Heaven, making even the ground tremble at the sheer intensity of it. “WHO DID IT?” You’re met with only silence, so you ask again with more force. “MY REALM IS A COMPLETE MESS WITH MILLIONS OF DISPLACED SOULS RIGHT NOW. SO AGAIN I ASK, WHICH ONE OF YOU FLAT FOOT CHILDREN DID THIS?!”

- Sera replies, voice trembling slightly. “Are…Are you talking about the exterminations? “IF THAT IS WHAT YOU’RE CALLING THIS MOCKERY OF MY WORK, THEN YES.” Sera looks visibly confused and concerned. “But…That SHOULDN’T be possible!…The exterminations KILL the Sinners; their souls should be gone, not stuck in Limbo! There has to be some kind of mistake here!”

- Hearing this, you can’t help but let out a brief but harsh cackle, making the ground jolt from the abruptness. “DEAR YOU HONESTLY THINK A SOUL COULD BE SO EASY TO DESTROY? A SOUL IS A POWERFUL THING FOR A REASON CHILD, IF THEY WERE SO EASILY DESTROYED THEN NONE OF YOU WOULD BE STANDING HERE BEFORE ME NOW!…SO ONCE AGAIN, WHO. DID. THIS?! AND SO HELP ME, IF I HAVE TO ASK AGAIN THERE WILL BE CONSEQUENCES.”

- Whilst Sera is dumbfounded by this revelation, Adam sees a golden opportunity to save his ass and points at Sera. “I-It was her! Yeah it was all fucking HER idea! I-I tried to tell her it was stupid, b-but she just REALLY wanted to go down and kill those bast- Demons! Yeah she REALLY wanted to kill all those poor Demons, can ya fucking believe this shit?!”

- Before Sera can defend herself, the darkness seems to intensify, and she can just FEEL every one of your eyes glaring daggers into her. “SERA…YOU SIGNED OFF ON THIS?? YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF, I EXPECTED SO MUCH BETTER FROM YOU! I LEFT EXPLICIT INSTRUCTIONS FOR HEAVEN AND HELL TO WORK TOGETHER TO SORT SOULS FOR THIS VERY REASON! AND NOW BECAUSE OF THESE BARBARIC “EXTERMINATIONS”, YOU’VE COMPLETELY DESTROYED THE BALANCE I WORKED SO HARD TO CREATE AND MAINTAIN. I HOPE YOU’RE PROUD OF YOURSELF, BECAUSE I’M CERTAINLY NOT!”

- It’s a strange and mildly amusing sight to see the head seraph get scolded like a misbehaving child by this massive dark entity. But here we are anyway!

- At one point during the tongue lashing you’re giving to your niece, Emily buts in and asks for an explanation for what’s going on; having not heard Sera’s previous explanation to Adam apparently.

- Your temper flares for a brief moment, and you just about launched into another lecture at the little shit who DARED interrupt you. But upon seeing Emily, you softened considerably, seeing that she was young and TRULY didn’t understand what was happening.

- “AH…I APOLOGIZE DEAR, BUT I DON’T THINK I RECOGNIZE YOU…COME CLOSER LITTLE ONE SO I CAN SEE YOU.” You slowly crouch down and lower your hand, offering Emily to climb onto it. Emily is hesitant, obviously a bit scared of you. But Sera encourages her to go to you, she knows that you won’t hurt Emily and it’s high time she meets her aunt anyway.

- With the small seraph in hand, you stand back up to your full height and bring her closer to your face. Now FINALLY able to see her properly, you speak. “YOU’RE FAIRLY YOUNG FOR A SERAPH…YOU MUST’VE BEEN BORN DURING MY SLUMBER, AND IN THAT CASE I APOLOGIZE THIS HAD TO BE OUR FIRST MEETING. TELL ME, WHAT IS YOUR NAME CHILD?”

- Her voice trembling slightly, Emily tells you her name and then asks who you are and asks if you’re a seraph like her and Sera. The innocent question gets a genuine laugh out of you, and despite it shaking the ground it’s a lovely sound. “OH CHILD, I AM FAR FROM BEING A SERAPH. THOUGH I CAN SEE WHY YOU WOULD THINK THAT. YOU WERE ALL MADE IN MY IMAGE AFTER ALL.”

- Seeing the visible confusion on Emily’s face, you elaborated. “LONG AGO, YOUR FATHER WANTED TO SHOW HIS APPRECIATION OF ME. SO FOR HIS FIRST SENTIENT CREATIONS, THE SERAPHIM, HE BASED THEM ALL ON ME.” Emily looks surprised, and follows up by asking how you know God.

- You give another genuine laugh at her question. “SWEETY I’M HIS YOUNGER SISTER, I AM “DEATH”, THE GODDESS OF WELL…DEATH. BUT YOU CAN CALL ME “D” OR “AUNT D”, MOST OF YOUR SIBLINGS DO.” Emily’s mind is blown “Wait! YOU’RE aunt D?! Sera told me all kinds of stories about you before you went to sleep, like the time you got into an argument with Father over his invention of the “Snuggie”. I never thought I’d get to meet you!”

- “IT WAS LITERALLY JUST A BATHROBE YOU WORE BACKWARDS, AND I STILL CAN’T BELIEVE HE THOUGHT THAT WAS AT ALL CLEVER.” You huff, feeling amusement and mild irritation at that memory.

- “SPEAKING OF YOUR FATHER, WHERE IS HE?” Sera speaks up, having managed to recollect herself, and explains that no one has seen or heard a word from God since before you went to sleep.

- The irritated snarl that leaves your throat sounds like thunder and shakes the ground, making everyone tremble with fear. “THAT LAZY BASTARD HAD ONE FUCKING JOB, WATCH HIS DAMN KIDS, AND HE COULDN’T EVEN DO THAT?! NO WONDER THIS ALL HAPPENED THEN, HE LEFT YOU ALL UNSUPERVISED!”

- Bending over, you carefully set Emily down before standing back up. “I HATE TO CUT MY INTRODUCTION SHORT, BUT APPARENTLY I NEED TO GO AND HAVE A LITTLE CHAT WITH YOUR FATHER.” You stare pointedly at Sera and continue. “DON’T THINK THIS MEANS YOU’RE ENTIRELY OFF THE HOOK EITHER. WHILE YES, YOUR FATHER’S ABSENCE IS MOSTLY TO BLAME FOR THIS DEBACLE, YOU ALSO KNOW BETTER THAN TO DO SUCH TERRIBLE THINGS. WE WILL BE DISCUSSING THIS MORE ONCE I FINISH WITH YOUR FATHER, AND IF I COME BACK AND FIND OUT YOU HELD ANY MORE OF THESE “EXTERMINATIONS” I WILL TURN YOU INTO A HOLLOW! DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR?” Looking at the ground, Sera nods and says “Yes Auntie D…”

- Satisfied with that response, you bid everyone farewell and slowly melt back into the ground, completely disappearing. Once you’re gone, the sunlight is back and it’s as if you were never there.

- Now the seraphim have to soothe the murmuring crowd while Sera starts attempting to get in contact with Lucifer to let him know that “Hey Aunt D found out about the exterminations and is NOT happy about it. She just got done yelling at me, and now she’s on her way to go read Father the riot act. Just warning you now because once she’s done with him, you’re probably gonna be next.”

- Lucifer receives the message and is now frantically trying to create peace offerings in hopes they’ll make you more amicable, while also preemptively planning his own funeral in case the peace offerings don’t work.

- Meanwhile in God’s palace, God is currently relaxing in an elaborate hot tub and watching American football on an absurdly large TV whilst drinking wine like it’s water. He’s pretty drunk and having a grand time yelling at the TV.

- His fun is interrupted through by you literally kicking in the door and storming in, you’ve shrunken down to your smaller size so all your features are actually visible now and not covered in darkness as you glare at your older brother with an intensity that could peel paint.

- God startled momentarily before seeing it’s you and giving you a dopey smile. He’s also in his smaller form, so that makes things slightly easier for you. “Ohhh heeeyyy Death!…You startled me thereee…It’zzzz beeen awhillle, huh?” You scoff at his slurred speech, in disbelief that he could be so drunk right now.

- “Yes, it HAS been awhile. Good to see that you still choose to spend your days getting completely wasted instead of tending to your children.” You answer tersely, and God rolls his eyes. “Zzstill the saaame old ssstuck up bitch…Tha kidzz are fahine Deee! Yyyoou should cohme haave ah drink wib meee.”

- You ignore God’s offer for a drink and cut right to the chase. “No, your kids are NOT fine! When was the last time you checked in on them?! Do you even know what they’re up to right now??!” God dismissively waves his hand and chugs more wine. “I juzzt checked on thhhem ah couple decades aghooo..They’rrre prohably makinnn neeewh liffe.”

- “God that is a load of shit, and you know it! I was JUST down in Heaven, and the seraphim told me that you haven’t seen or spoken to ANY of them since I left to take my nap eons ago! And furthermore, while you’ve been in here drinking the day away, your children have COMPLETELY destroyed the balance we created! They’ve been mass slaughtering Demons annually for millennia now, and Limbo is a complete disaster right now because of this!” Hearing this, God looks down at his bottle of whine, embarrassed, and mumbles an awkward “oh”.

- Silence hangs heavy in the air for a moment before God clears his throat and says. “Zzsooo…You’rrree NNOT gooing to drink wiff me?” At this you snap and snatch the wine bottle from God and chuck it at the TV, smashing the bottle and the TV. God shouts in anger but before he can ask you wtf that was for, you just lay into him. Calling him a deadbeat and pathetic excuse of a deity.

- “How can you just sit in here day after day, while your CHILDREN are out there causing such mayhem! Do you not love your children all??!” God is shouting back at you, his anger having sobered him up some so he’s not slurring as much. “How DARE you accuse me of not loving my children! I would giive ANYTHING for them and you know that!”

- “Then fucking ACT like it!! Don’t just sit in here and rot your mind with booze and TV!” God growls. “I don’t need you to tell meee how to handle my children! Why do you even care?! It’zzz not like they’re yours anyway!”

- “I care because they are part of MY family, and I want my family to be safe and happy, something that you couldn’t give less of a shit about apparently!” God throws his hands up at this point “Well what do you want from me Death, go hhhold their handz?! My children are ALL capable of thinking and being on their own, they don’t NEED me to do shit for them!”

- “That doesn’t mean that they don’t still need you there emotionally! But with the way you act maybe it’s best you ARE never there! After all, what use could any of them get from your pathetic drunk ass!!” This clearly struck a nerve as God points back at the door you came in through and roars at you to get the fuck out of his house. Growling, you give a harsh “Fine!” and tell him he can sit and be a drunk deadbeat all he wants because you’re done with him and his shit, and he’s NEVER to contact you again unless it’s in regards to his children or business.

- You stomp out of God’s palace and return to Limbo, wanting to start working on getting things cleaned up and cool off some before you go check on things in Hell.

- Once you’re gone though, God slumps his shoulders and hangs his head. With your venomous words echoing his head, he summons another bottle of wine and begins chugging it while he trudges into his bedchambers.

- He flops down onto the bed and picks up a framed photo and slowly brings it closer to his face. It’s an old photo, one taken shortly after God created the first few seraphim. You and God are both standing next to each other, arms around each other’s shoulders and leaning in close while the first seraphim all stand in between the two of you. Everyone is absolutely beaming, and God looks especially happy; so proud of his creations.

- Tears drop onto the photo as God remembers how things used to be back then, back when he was actually NEEDED by those around him and wasn’t just some brand figure who’s only job is to smile and wave. Even as he slowly sets the photo down, tears continue to fall and he holds his head in his hands. “…I’m sorry I’m so damn useless…Hopefully you’ll forgive me someday…Not that I deserve it though…I’m…so fucking sorry…” No one is there to hear God’s sobs, and eventually he passes out. He’d rather be dreaming of happier times anyway.

[monkee-mobile]

I feel like older mike, show-verse, like mid 70s through the 90s and beyond is always stretched out on the couch or on the bed. he takes up reading and plays his guitar and enjoys relaxing because for once in his life he’s calm and secure where he is.

and sometimes one of the boys will crash there with him but davy and micky have a big habit of going to flop down on a bed with shoes on so mike has to scold them and make them take their shoes off because these are white sheets and we don’t need to take another trip to the laundromat (micky’s christmas present to all of them one year is a home washer and dryer set because the boys have always had a tendency to make a mess of stuff and, as much as they love their friend april, having to trek out just to wash stuff becomes a lot) (don’t worry, april was consulted on the choice of a washing machine so mick brought home a good one… though there have been a few Mr. Mom type incidents of something overflowing but they’ve gotten through it)

Peter tends to wear mocassins and more around-the-house type footwear over boots or tennis shoes or whatever and mike hates scolding peter so pete tends to get a pass and can cuddle with mike whenever he wants and doesn’t have to grumble and remove any items of clothing first. Micky gets it and relents, but davy is pretty pissy about it and puts up a fight just for the sake of it but mike reminds him it’s quicker to just take off your boots than to sit here and fight so davy tends to just deal with it and gets his mike time because he’s a koala baby and never leaves mikes side once he’s got him.

mike is also very warm, especially when he’s been relaxing under blankets and things, so the snuggles from him are particularly good. He’s also become less of an angular beanpole so he’s more comfortable to sit with than in some previous years.

[blackswallowtailbutterfly]

Still haven't messaged my mom back. And I don't think I'm going to.

[luimagines]

nonono, don't backtrack

please continue talking about it. I beg!! I wanna know your thoughts about the videos

(About baby sensory videos)

Ok- so you know how it's been more or less studied upon that baby love Teletubbies but anyone older finds it very disturbing and weird?

It's a similar concept of being designed for such young, fresh and fragile minds.

Like people think Teletubbies is weird because the pacing is strange, no one knows what's going on and it's very bright with very little coherence behind what characters acting..

But that's exactly how a baby would view the world!! Loud, colorful, strange and the time seems to go on and on and on (when it could have really only been the span of ten minutes).

And people have done studies on how baby minds work and found that things that are fast paced (even moderately) can induce anxiety in a baby, caused by (I'm assuming based on an educated guess) the sensory overload.

For baby sensory videos, it plays into that pace where an infants mind can properly digest the colors and patterns shown to them.

Now! For older people, (kids to adults) it's the same- but also opposite cause.

I read once that it's ok to behave as if you're 3, 5, 16, 21 (any age younger than you are) because your mind and body already know how to be that age. You've completed that level. But you don't know how to be your age yet, you're still learning. You've never been that age before.

So your brain still has that capacity of infant malleability. Those videos create a safe space for (now familiar) information to be processed. Adult and adolescent lives are bombarded with fast moving pictures, loud and constant sound and bright light and colors without cease until they fall asleep (usually).

I hesitate to use the word "regress" because that's not what's happening, but it certainly taps into a part of the mind where the thought/neuron patterns have been solidified and made like steel since they were the first ones formed.

With two ideas in mind, by allowing the mind to digest simple, familiar stimulation in a delicate environment, it gives the brain a moment to decompress and go into an almost trance like state.

It's kind of like doing Sudoku for hours and then turning around and playing Cookie Clicker. Just hit one button. Done. You can do that in your sleep. So turns your brain off even if there's still stimulation happening.

That why your babysitting attempts were successful, despite the fact that your charges were grown. :)

[niinnyu]

A little rant about leaks because I'm lowkey dreading them. And I'd appreciate it if you'd read it (and if not... 👁👁).

I find the jjk fandom's (though it's true for others too) reliance on leaks very off-putting. I know people want to look forward to something in the middle of the week and talk about it, but this just feels disrespectful, while also being at the cost of other people getting to enjoy it as they want to whether you care about getting spoiled or not.

So many people just don't tag leaks and spoilers properly (forget places where tagging doesn't even make a difference). Seeing things trending with the context of previous chapters explains everything. Not to mention people mis-tagging spoilers and leaks interchangeably (you can remove leak tags after the chapter is officially published but not spoiler tags!!) And no, you're not subtle with your 'out of context spoilers' to someone who has all previous context.

But what boggles my mind is why would you want someone to shout the punchline of a joke in your face before any of the setup has been done. You'll have a bunch of deepfried 2 pixel screenshot of screenshot quality manga panels of crucial moments with none of the build up and pacing. Paired with the most lacklustre explainations of what's happening (the phrasing of which can be biased to the leaker's opinions). Translating isn't easy. To convey what exactly something means from one language to another in an effective and in the intended way isn't easy (shoutout to fan translators tho y'all are amazing thank you for your time and effort)

And whether you care about the story or not, heck even if you think the mangaka themself doesn't care about it, it is just so disrespectful to the content that you're consuming. Making comics and manga isn't easy (churning them weakly is insane imo esp when a lot of mangaka aren't even full time artists) so why wouldn't you allow yourself to consume their story the way they've themself laid it out. Where one panel comes after the other. Where one expression has context in the next page. Where a dialogue has weight only when placed with another dialogue. Give the creator(s) this little grace too, because whether you like a story or not, there is still a huge amount of effort and skill, by multiple people, going into it.

And I personally love interacting with the fandoms I'm in, literally sometimes the only source of joy I have (yes ik leave me alone) is interacting with other fans and having my mind blown over their art and writing and theories. And I'd rather not be spoiled unless I'm myself seeking them out or just reading the actual chapter. So this involves me either spoiling it for myself before someone else does it, or spoiler dodging for 5 OUT OF 7 DAYS A WEEK EVERY WEEK.

I'm not even saying you should only look for official sources or whatever because I know not everyone has access to legal places to read (tho the shounen jump app is there for those interested, but yeah i get it for other publications), but there are better ways to read/hate-readyour fav/least fav manga out there without ruining it for someone else. The wait is juuust a couple of days more. There is absolutely no dearth of fan made content that can't help you last another few days, maybe your new fav fan creator is right around a little wait (ahem check my bs out if you'd like ahem ahem).

I just want to be able to interact with the fandom for more than just 2 days a week, and I don't like my accounts dying because i dissapear 5 days either, and is that a such a bad thing? I come online to have fun, not run an obstacle race y'know?

[transfemzedaph]

mezelean king joel but when hes younger and not yet king and he spends his days exploring in the woods and painting and drawing all the beautiful nature

one day he sees a wolf off in the distance as hes walking and he watches it - it didnt see him

he sees this same wolf a few more times and each time he studies it more, trying to remember every detail so he can be able to draw it

hes out in the forest in a small clearing, one of the sunnier places in the whole woods, drawing this wolf over and over, frustrated with how he can never quite get it right, he thinks its the eyes, every time he draws the eyes, they look wrong

hes so focused on the drawings that he doesnt notice that same wolf coming up behind him until he feels the warm breath on his neck

he drops the sketchbook and scrambles away but the wolf doesnt follow him, it just looks at the current drawing - unfinished - and sits

joel stares for a few moments at this weird behaviour from the wolf before retriving the sketchbook and drawing the wolf again, it ends up perfect this time - joel did always draw better with the subject in front of him - and the wolf plods over to see the final thing

from then on joel spends a lot more time in the forest, bringing food along with him, and some snacks to maybe give to the wolf

the wolf isnt there every day but joel doesnt mind, he feels safe in the forest now, he doesnt think anyone will hurt him

----

its months later when he encounters a man in the woods, he is tall and broad and for some reason, wearing sunglasses

joel gives the man a friendly smile before continuing on his way

joel ends up seeing the man quite often in the forest and he always offers a smile or a friendly wave, one day he decides to actually speak to the man

from then on joel has a new friend, ren he says his name is, he feels familiar to joel but he cant quite place him

joel notices the wolf is never there when he is spending the day with ren, sharing food and talking for hours, ren always steers clear of certain topics though - where he came from, where he lives, his family - joel doesnt push it though

the wolf is still as friendly as ever although it seems more tired and injured than it always used to be

months after getting to know ren, joel stumbles -literally- across him, his sunglasses are broken on the floor next to him and his shirt is in tatters and he is covered in wounds, his breathing is shallow and joel wishes the wolf was here to help

he carries him back to mezelea, thankfully he wasnt too far into the woods but its still hard going

its a little over a day before ren wakes and the healers inform him immediately, he rushes over to see him and winces at the sight of the bandages around him

joel reaches for rens hand as he sits beside him, telling him how worried he was and ren, turns his head to face him, opening his eyes slowly

joel freezes in the middle of his sentance at the sight, those eyes, he knew those eyes, he had spent countless hours agonising over how to draw those eyes

ren who was up until this point still only half awake realises what he just did and curses and frantically tries to explain himself

joel stands to leave and ren reaches out, hissing in pain at the movement and joel cant help but turn back to fret over him

joel tells him to leave it for now, that theyd talk about it when he was better

joel visits ren every day until he is better but its awkward and they mostly sit in silence before joel finds a reason to excuse himself

in the end ren comes to joels room as soon as he is allowed to leave, joel lets him in and ren sits on the bed, awkwardly looking anywhere but in joels eyes

joel walks over and sits down next to him, gently nudging him with his shoulder as he did so

and then ren just spills it all, how he had always spent most of his time as a wolf because it seemed easier than losing people again but then he saw joel and he drew him and treated him like a real friend so he wanted to try again, to be with people again but he didnt think itd get this far, he didnt think hed end up falling in love with him and then he didnt know what to do, because he saw how sad he was when the wolf wasnt around but he didnt really want to be the wolf as much anymore

joel stays silent until the end of the explamation but then- you fell in love with me? and ren who didnt realise he had said that gets all muddled up and doesnt know what to say but joel just kisses him anyway

[allisonreader]

It's been a busy past four days. From going out of town for my brother's graduation, to watching a streamed funeral for the last of my mom's aunts, to driving a family friend to a different city and back home today. Well, I guess technically that's been over the course of five days. It's still a lot. Especially when a lot of it is dealing with higher level emotions/draining of the social battery.

For my mom the funeral was hard, not even so much for the fact that it was her last aunt who died, but it struck her in particular about the emphasis that was put on how much she loved her grandkids and great grandchildren. When my brothers and I NEVER had that. My mom's mom died when she was only 21 due to breast cancer, so none of us knew her. Though my mom knows that she would have doted on us. Her dad and her had a strained relationship and had pretty much moved out of province as soon as my grandmother had died. Though all things considered, he was a pretty decent Grandpa. He always made sure each of us got a card on our birthday and a card at Christmas. We usually saw him at least once a year whether it was at Christmas, him visiting us in the summer or later us visiting him in the summer. Even if it took us two days to get to where he was.

My dad's parents were closer, only a five hour drive instead of a two day one, but they barely grandparented. Grandma in particular didn't have much to do with us and didn't like mom. Grandpa was a little better, as he was slightly more active and intent on being a grandparent, but let's just say crying didn't happen at either of their funerals by my brother's or I. How do you mourn for people you barely knew? Any from us was more for what could have been or those who were closer to him.

The most grandmotherly figure that I had and knew was my cousin's grandmother. She died at the beginning of COVID, right around Easter time. Her death was the hardest out of them all. Even just writing this has me teared up completely because she truly was the closest person we had to a grandmother. And because she died during the peak of lockdowns I never got to go to a funeral or memorial for her like I always expected to. She felt like just as much as family to me as any of my other grandparents, but in a way more than that too. As she was almost always around when we went over to my Aunt and Uncle's. We saw her at Easter, we'd see her at Christmas. We got to enjoy her baking. She was truly such a loving and caring woman who was a social butterfly.

While you're reading this, you can't really see how many times I've stopped to have a cry about my surrogate grandmother. Which has been a few and she's been the only one that I've actually cried for, and she's not even technically my grandmother, but she sure took the place of one.

The thing is, she takes such an important place in my heart without even ever having given me a direct gift. Just being around her and her love was enough of a gift (and her baking).

The one time, when I was already an adult, I had to drive my mom to the city that my Aunt, Uncle, and grandmother figure lived for medical reasons. During that trip, I along with my cousin and her cousin (who for the longest time I thought was my cousin as well, just because I always saw her at my actual cousin's place) were invited to their grandmother's place for lunch. That was the first time I truly understood what going to grandma's house could be like. It was such a revelation to me, because I had never had such an experience like that one before. I felt so loved with these three people I had known all my life as I was encouraged to eat more than I could fit. So different from what little I could remember of my own grandmother who had died years before and showed preferential treatment to other cousins.

I can remember both the last hug with my grandmother figure and my paternal grandma. Both were long, but grandma's was long and awkward (at least to me, I haven't a clue how she felt, but we both knew it was likely her last hug.) . While grandmother figure's was long, slightly to the point of awkward, but filled with such love and care, knowing that while it might not be the last hug, it definitely could be. And I think it probably was. But oh I still love her so much and miss her. Which is why writing all of this up about her is making me cry.

I'm far off the point that I originally intended, which is not directly related to my grandmother figure, but due to the fact that beyond her, my brothers and I really didn't have a big grandparent influence on us. All of our great grandparents were long dead by the time us kids came around and my mom always hurt for us kids for what we didn't have in the way of missing grandparents. But as I told her yesterday, we didn't know any different. To us, distant grandparents was all we knew, and my brothers knew that even more than me. And when you don't know what you're missing, then it can't bother you. I really only started to learn about how active some grandparents were in their grandkids lives after I was an adult and started working. That's when I started to really realize what I had missed out on and became slightly jealous over the fact that others had such loving and caring grandparents. Now I'm kind of past that, as I know what kind of grandparents my parents will be when I hopefully have babies. They'll be the kind that I never had, except through my cousin's grandmother.

[uniworu]

kristoph cat being apollo cat’s mentor until it’s revealed that he was the one actually responsible for …. interclan conflict? or something that got another cat (phoenix. cat) kicked out of the clan. and then kris gets kicked out / phoenix doesn’t come back just yet but he still teaches apollo everything he knows as this lame little loner who sticks around bc his adopted daughter is in the clan? - if you wanted to follow some semblance of aa lore/had a different interpretation in mind or were just going to go hehe kitties is cool too obv

ooo i havent thought about it too in depth bc ive been preoccupied with coming up with designs and names for the cats, but this is such an excellent interpretation!! i have thought up of a few things here and there, like kristoph being apollo's mentor as youve said, phoenix being the leader (mia wouldve been the previous one while phoenix was her deputy), the feys being medicine cats, etc. maybe kristoph could also be phoenix's deputy, and he would frame phoenix with the intention of becoming the leader in his place? much to think about… i also have some vague ideas for character lore? like apollo used to be a loner, who had been taken in by various groups of cats throughout his life, until he finally settled into the "defense attorney" clan. i plan on making the defense attorneys and prosecutors separate clans with the witnesses, defendants, suspects, etc. being their members, but i have no idea what else to refer to them as fhjsdf klavier has some sort of connection with humans and uses their lingo (in the warriors series, the cats would call cars "monsters", roads "thunderpaths", etc. but klavier would refer to those with human terminology, much to everyone else's confusion). im not sure if it should just be that klavier and kristoph both used to be pets, but i could also imagine klavier going off and becoming popular with humans while kristoph disapproves

[yloiseconeillants]

sleeping draught - What was the last dream you had?

The nights are coming faster and faster, Yloise thought miserably as she stomped through the gates of Revenant's Toll toward the Rising Stones. A cold wind from the north kicked up a flurry of fallen leaves in a whirl in her path - she kicked through them with determination, drawing giggles from a nearby band of Doman children playing below the sturdy stone walls of the keep. Normally, she would have laughed along with them at the scene, but her foul mood combined with a seemingly perpetual exhaustion lately only resulted in her drawing her robes closer around her neck, frowning as she swept through the doors of the Rising Stones. She had almost reached the door to the upper quarters of the keep when Tataru called out to her from behind her desk.

"Oh, Yloise," Tataru began, waving an wrapped parcel over the pile of receipts and letters, "you have a package too!" One of Yloise's eyebrows quirked at this development - the shipment was several days overdue. She placed it almost immediately after the recent defeat of the dread primal Leviathan, but bandit raids on caravans had become more and more commonplace in the north of Eorzea, delaying the movement of goods. She managed a smile at Tataru, mumbled some heartfelt thanks, and hurried upstairs with the parcel.

Her room at the Rising Stones was small, but comfortably appointed - a warm bed, a sturdy desk, a modestly stocked tea table, enough shelves for her books and potions, and (her favorite attribute) access to the walkways and allures of the upper castle. She tossed her codex and coat onto her bed and immediately set to work opening her parcel. She fished a knife out from one of the drawers of her desk, and carefully cut away the wrapped outer packaging. A cloyingly sweet smell wafted off the slightly damp waxed paper wrapped around her items. She unfolded the paper carefully, revealing four ochu vines. The ends of the vines were already drying out, a result of the delay in transport, but the rest of each vine was still plump with the sap she needed. With the knife she used earlier to open the outer wrapping, she cut the dried end off one of the vines, and squeezed a few drops of bright green sap into a prepared tumbler that had been waiting for this moment for days and days by now. She activated a cluster of fire crystals under the kettle on the tea table and went out onto the balcony while the water boiled.

The last rays of the setting sun still reached the top of the ruins of the Agrias above Silvertear Lake. The sight of the dead dragon wrapped around the wreckage had always filled Yloise with unease, as if they were merely frozen in time and would both one day wake and resume their battle. She produced Zezesu's old pipe from her pocket, filled it with a thimbleful of tobacco from a tin stashed in another pocket, and mechanically lit and puffed at the pipe as she gazed without focus towards the Lake. The snaking form of Midgardsormr's corpse conjured images of Leviathan sliding through dark waves. The wind howled and Yloise shuddered. Not tonight. Not tonight. Not tonight. She tapped the still burning embers from the pipe and headed back inside to prepare her tea.

She repeated the familiar recipe rhythmically in her mind as she pulled down jars of dried flowers from her shelf: chamomile and lavender and a little bit of valerian with honey. She poured the steaming water into the pot to steep, and shuffled out of her clothes and into her nightgown, tossing her coat and codex onto the floor and smoothing down the covers. What else needed to be done? She knew this would work quickly and she'd only have a moment or two before the concoction overwhelmed her. She blew out the candles, the only light in the room coming from the darkening glow of the fire crystals.

Like Leviathan's eyes. Red and terrible in the dark.

Not tonight.

Her tea was presumably drinkable by now. She carefully moved through her darkened room, pouring the tea into her prepared tumbler, and downing the entire potion at once. It took only a moment for her entire body to feel heavy. She almost knocked the tumbler over setting it back down on the table, and she staggered to her bed, slipping under the covers with the last of her strength before the sleeping potion took hold.

Her last thought before the dark overtook her was whether her mother saw Leviathan's eyes too.

[magn-animously]

TMAPG comments! Yay!

Background: I finished listening to TMA last summer. After a few months of dealing with whatever it was the episode 200 did to me, I decided to start a relistening run. That's when I heard they were doing a sequel (ish?). I didn't get to finish my first relistening but I couldn't wait for TMAPG any longer, so I went and listened to the first two episodes.

My very first reaction was... idk? It sounds very different from TMA but it's also very similar to it. I really missed the old cast's voices and it was so confusing to hear all these people talk when I had no idea who they were or what the context was really. Honestly, I thought it was kinda boring, but that's more because I'm impatient and want to get to The Good Stuff and less about the writing being bad (it's not). I know you can't just jump into things, you need introductions first... I thought the same about TMA lol. Couldn't wait to hear the ~plot~ and not just the statements!

And oh boy it looks like we're getting statements even now! How great!! :D I learnt to love them with TMA so I'm very glad that hasn't changed even though they couldn't (didn't want to, shouldn't) copy TMA format, so I was genuinely happy to hear we'll get to get more of that!

Sam sounds like he has a Past with the Institute or perhaps with the Eye, and I'm really really curious to hear what it is. I hope it's something good. Something nasty. I trust Johnny here.

The woman who started to mold herself to have the perfect body was a funny little reminder of Jared's gym. I kinda felt nostalgic? I liked it. It was proper well that's fucked up kind of statement. Story? Can I still call them statements? I think I will.

The others were more boring. Too vague. I know I'm gonna regret saying that because I'm easily spooked but yeah. I'm currently at the episode 145 in my relistening so compared to that, some woman who saw someone who was only partially made of someone she knew and then just ran away was not that interesting.

Anyway, I think I saw or heard somewhere long ago that the new Protocol will not be exactly the same as TMA, and that relying too much on the knowledge we have from it could throw you off. I wonder if that means the 14 (or 15) Fears are not going to be the same anymore. Maybe they got all mixed up and rearranged during the trip to the new universe? It's clear these guys at least are using a very different system to catalogue the stories (Sam would love it if there were only 14 categories to memorise!) so perhaps we can expect there to be more not-clearly-14 Fears. Maybe they'll (or he'll) start to name them like Smirke did but end up with different divisions than he. I mean, we've all known there are fears that don't really fall neatly into any of the 14, so it wouldn't be unreasonable to redo it differently.

Also, I find it really funny that both podcasts started with a dude getting a new job and instantly starting to complain about the way others have done archiving.

I also found it funny how much they stressed that you CAN quit this job. Nobody is holding them there. They can leave. They can. They do. One of them already did. Kinda. I wouldn't be surprised if he ended up coming back.

[dragonanon]

Me: *Trying to go about my day like a normal person *

My brain: “What if we made a TADC OC that’s basically a slime monster girl, but she’s based on the kind of toy slime that has a bunch of cutesy objects in it?? And when she was a human she was a highly skilled and respected Intensivist working at an ICU?? And as a doctor, she was known for being gentle and compassionate to all her patients, and she treasured the staff members working under he?? And she saw all her staff as members of her family, and was fiercely protective of them?? But also while she always appeared extremely confident and well put together, deep inside she struggled daily with a massive inferiority complex and imposter syndrome?? Because she never believed she deserved any of the praise she received despite her work, and constantly felt the need to prove herself by going above and beyond in her work?? And all the plays into why she’s a slime girl now, because even though she always appeared as strong and confident in the surface, inside she’s soft and anxious??

And while she doesn’t remember her life prior to entering the Digital World, during times of crisis or when someone’s injured or at high risk of abstracting, suddenly doctor mode activates?? She quite literally pulls herself together and becomes completely solid like plastic, and gives off a strong aura of confidence and authority?? Thoughts, terminology, and emotions that are foreign yet seem SO familiar surge through her, and without really thinking about it she talking and acting just like she did as an ICU doctor; leading her to quickly take control of the situation with firm confidence before gently tending to the injured/abstracting individual. She doesn’t understand how she knows any of what she’s saying as she gently tends to, and or talks the individual back down from the edge, but it feels so natural to her! It’s like she was MADE to do this, and had actually done it many times before despite having no recollection of doing anything like this previously?? And as she slowly helps the individual ground themselves in reality once more, she’s still maintaining a perfect composure during the whole ordeal, not once showing just how afraid she really was and instead just remaining laser focused on helping the “patient” in front of her??

And it’s only when her “patient” has finally stabilized somewhat that she finally notices everyone staring at her in awe, and then she starts barking orders to everyone to get the “patient” back to their room so they can be admitted into the hospital for surveillance, and that she wants a full blood panel and PHQ-9 assessment completed while she fills out an incident report for the hospital’s records. And everyone is so taken aback/still in shock that they just kinda go along with it because she sounds so sure of herself no one knows how to argue otherwise.

It’s only when someone breaks out of their stupor enough to ask her how she did all that/what the heck happened that she snaps out of it, and she softens into her goopy self again as she tries to clumsily explain she has no clue what happened but was just overwhelmed by these sudden thoughts and emotions, and despite not knowing where any of it was coming from it felt like she just instinctively knew what to do and how to do it.

Someone points out to her that she looked and sounded just like a doctor back there, and that maybe that’s who she was prior to entering the Digital Circus. She doesn’t believe it, insisting that there’s no way someone like her could be a doctor, but everyone insists that she absolutely could be and that what she did was incredible?? And now she’s kinda the unofficial doctor of the circus despite still not believing she was, or could ever be, a doctor??”

Me: *Sitting on the couch letting my brain hyperfixate* 👁️👄👁️

[personthattoleratesme]

So, you want to study new phannies?

well, same, i don't know what happened to me either but let me try to explain, you might find it amusing

you see, I'm 19 now, so back when they first were active i wasn't enough chronically online to be obsessed with any internet personality. (for reference, i was five when dan posted his first video.)

then covid and lockdowns happened and through some twists and turns i was catapulted deep into the 1D fandom, more specifically the larry portion of it. it was incredibly toxic and unhealthy, but it was also so much fun and taught me a lot about fandom and shipping culture. i eventually moved on into much healthier fandom spaces and honestly thought (and hoped) i was over being a fan of Real Living Human Beings.

now, i had obviously heard of dan and phil before but never watched any of their videos. so when they announced the return of dapg and everyone here freaked out about it i thought, eh, might as well take a look.

i don't know what it was about them, their dynamic, the casual happy queerness, the way they love and care for each other, their little stupid quirks, dan's way with words, but it pulled me in so damn quickly. so far i have no regrets, watching them is so nice and comforting.

however it also felt so intoxicatingly familiar to when i first got into larry, which scared me at first because i did not want to go back to anything like that time of my life. by now i have realised that this is different. it feels like a better version of whatever i had going on back then, because this time there is no need for wild speculations and intrusive theorising. them being themselves and sharing what they want to share is more than enough. maybe it's just hopeful thinking but i feel like it is actually possible to have a healthy parasocial relationship with them.

i might have missed it just a teeny tiny bit.

also!!! i feel like i picked the exact right time for this new obsession because there's so much going on, it's so fun and i amm excited for the future!

dunno if the tumblr phandom is the right place for me, right now i am pretty content with just lurking and watching you guys do your thing

with love,

a new phannie

first of all i want to say welcome new phannie! i hope you enjoy and benefit from the enrichment of our little corner of the internet.

i really enjoyed reading your story. as soon as i read larry i had a visceral full-body reaction ngl, i'm so sorry you went through that.

you have really chosen an excellent time to become a phannie. the toxicity is mostly out of the fandom, dnp are in control of the narrative now, and we don't have to deal with all the phan proof shit anymore.

it gives me so much joy that nowadays their queer happiness can be a factor in becoming a fan of theirs. there's just something so special about how after everything they've been through - and everything we've been through as phandom - that there is now this wonderfully queer and happy space that can feel safe and inviting for young queer people.

i really hope that this parasocial relationship with them will turn out to be what you're looking for. when i was a teenager they helped me through so much, and now that we're all older and have been able to grow as people i think we genuinely have a very good and healthy parasocial relationship with them as a fandom.

thank you so much for your sharing your story, i genuinely find it so fascinating to learn about 2023 phannies.

you're totally welcome to lurk here for as long as you want. i was a lurker for a long time cause phannie tumblr kind of scared me. i used to only exist in the anon asks of other users and feel free to do the same.

now i want to know: what was your first dnp video?

[abrushwithdeath]

🎉❤️ obviously he can't let his girl not get a new year's kiss

@lediableblanc-amoureuxdechats

It's not like they hadn't already spent a good portion of the evening stealing kisses, obviously, but once 11pm hit, there were no more kisses to be had. Not until midnight, at least. Anna Marie had declared as such just a few minutes past ten because she wanted that kiss at midnight to feel... a little more special, maybe? Actually, she wasn't sure what she'd been thinking and, by the time 11:30 rolled around she was already regretting it. (Who knew an hour could be so damn long?)

She supposed she could have rolled back her decision part way through the hour. She doubted that Remy would complain (though he might tease her some about it). But she was stubborn. Even when she was a little bit tipsy, and even when Remy was pressed so close she could feel the brush of his stubble against her cheek- she was still stubborn. No kisses. She could hold back. Just for the hour, she could hold back. They'd gone so long without kissing before all this that she'd thought it would be easy. Clearly, she was wrong.

But midnight would come eventually. And with it, the start of a new year. To some, that meant a chance to change. An excuse to try to flip their lives right side up and get their shit together. For some, when they inevitably slipped up a month or two in, they'd say to themselves "there's always next year" and fall back into the same patterns as always. Maybe that's why Anna Marie rarely thought of this transition as something so transformative. The calendar reset to "01/01", but your life kept right on chugging along like nothing had changed. It was all in your head. So why not make the effort to make changes on March 12th? Or June 22nd? Or even November 8th at 10pm with a whiskey sour in one hand and blind optimism curled in the palm of the other?

A glance at the clock post-conversation with Logan and Ororo suggested she only needed to wait out 7 more minutes before she'd be kissing him again. Yet she hadn't even though to ask him about what this all meant to him until right here, right now, the ice clinking in the now slightly watered down alcohol at the bottom of her glass. "Got any New Year's resolutions?" She asked Remy, reaching up to brush the satin of her glove along the slope of his jaw. Even through the thin fabric of the glove, she could feel the light prickle of his not-quite-so-freshly shaven facial hair against the pads of her fingers. It sent a little tingle through her. The thought of her lips, her teeth, brushing against the same path her fingers were now following...

Her only resolution was a long standing one, not something that came new and fresh with the changing of the year. She wanted to get this fully under control. She wanted to be able to touch every inch of him, to press her naked body against his. Nothing left between them. But it was more than that: she wanted to let some of the fear go. It would never leave her entirely, she was sure- you don't live as long as she has playing it careful just for that anxiety to disappear overnight. It was about controlling her powers some, yeah, but it was a lot about the mental work, too. And the mental work was a bitch. So she supposed she wouldn't beat herself up over it if the end of this coming year saw her without full control. Still, though, it was a nice thought to think that by the time 2025 rolled in, she'd have it figure out. She told Remy as such, too. Not because he ever pressured her, but because this was something that was entirely within her reach, she thought. "This year, I'm gonna play optimistic. Ain't served me none in the past to be broodin', right? And I suppose ya've proven ya ain't goin' nowhere..." She tapped her finger against his lips with that.

3 minutes to midnight.

"Guess we'll jus' strap in an' see where the years leads," Then, just to tease him some. "Could strap-on, too, if yer willin'..." The words were blatant enough, she didn't need to explain any further. Though she did follow them with a soft chuckle, even if it wasn't intended to detract from the seriousness of her words. After all, it's not like they hadn't discussed it before.

The final countdown started up soon after and she didn't hesitate to get a grip on his tie and tug him nice and close. Her green eyes locked on the red of his and she swore she could feel the sound, the rhythm, of every second tapping inside of her like a living thing. If they'd come this far in a year, she wondered how much further they could make it with another to follow. And hopefully another after that. And plenty more even beyond then.

"5!" Her fingers tightened their grip on that tie just a bit. "4!" And she was leaning up a bit with anticipation. "3!" Every nerve was a live wire- like there was electricity crackling in her veins. "2!" Last year's kiss had been short lived. Much shorter than either would have liked. "1!" This year, though? This year, he'd be hard pressed to get her to stop.

She slipped her arms around his neck and pressed herself up against him as their lips met. Forget everything and everyone else. Nothing beyond them existed. At least not for now. She hoped he'd caught his breath beforehand because Anna Marie had no plans on letting him actually stop anytime, soon. Not with the way she was kissing him right now with fingers in his hair and lips parting. She was gonna keep this up until her lungs were screaming or her powers kicked in. Whichever happened first. And, much to her surprise, it was the need to catch her breath that had won out. (It made her wonder just how much more she could do when she wasn't letting herself worry or overthink it all too much...)

The next kiss was smaller, a quick little kiss to accompany a now long overdue "Happy New Year". One which was soon followed by the reminder that they were still, upsettingly, not all alone. Though it was good that they were near the back of the room- she didn't much like the idea of winding up as the center of attention. "Whatcha say we get outta here? Ring in the New Year in a more... excitin' way..."