#i think i’ve improved enough over the past few months to refine what i was originally trying for here

[whitlingerdoodles]

old yoimiya art that i’ve grown fonder of

[javajunkieao3]

Being Alive: Beth/Benny Fanfic

It’s six months after Russia and nearly that long since her last drink.  All those months ago, sitting across Borgov with her face tilted up to the paneled ceiling, she learned that she didn't need alcohol to quiet her mind.  The chess board still appeared, the pieces moving with a grace that Beth still hadn’t witnessed elsewhere.  But, it didn't mean she didn’t want the drink, and Beth had bore witness to a casual alcoholic for enough years to understand that both the need and want weren’t pre-requisites to addiction.  Because while she didn’t need a drink, she also knew that once she started she wouldn’t be able to stop.

She’s at the US Open Chess Championship in Chicago and she keeps walking past the bar, her pacing taking her steps closer to the wooden counter with each pass.  It was all because of damn Gorsky.  He was new.  An up and comer out of Bloomington, Indiana and he almost beat her.  She faced off against the giants in Russia, and yet somehow, this Midwest nobody threw her.  Dimly, somewhere between her fourth and fifth pass in front of the bar, she reminds herself that she had once been that nobody, but she quickly dismisses the thought.

At her sixth pass, she almost gives in, her mouth already anticipating the heady combination of the gin and vermouth tempered by a refined pearl onion (Mrs. Wheatley had been right about that part), but then a young girl recognizes her and asks for her autograph.  The girl holds out an old copy of Life magazine with Beth’s face on the cover.  The magazine was about two years old, and Beth thinks about how this girl must have seen the Open was taking place in the city and made a special trip just for her to sign the magazine.  Her face burns with shame as she recalls the one to three Gibsons she had been on her way to consume, and she makes a point to strike up a conversation with the young girl, trying to replace her guilt with a good deed.

When she's finished, she heads back up to her room, but she can already picture the room service menu and she can feel her finger moving the heavy dial of the rotary phone, and so she makes a detour, ending up at his room.  She doesn't know if he’ll be there, but he answers after one knock.  He’s shirtless, his striped pajama pants slung low on his hips, but it’s nothing she hasn't seen before.

“Hi Benny.”

“Beth Harmon, to what do I owe this honor?”

The tone of his voice reminds her of the distance between them.  While he helped her in Russia, she was well aware there was still damage between them to be repaired, but all the calls she meant to make didn’t happen, and then her phone didn’t ring, either.  She hasn’t seen him since before Russia.

“Can I come in?”

“If you’re here to take more of my money with speed chess, you’ll be disappointed.”

Attempting levity, she says, “Does that mean you got better, or we’re not playing?”

He smiles slightly and steps back to let her in.  Behind her, he flips open a suitcase and she turns around just as he’s pulling a worn grey t-shirt over his head.  “So, what are you doing here?”

She doesn’t answer, suddenly feeling foolish for going to him at all, and he says, “It’s Gorsky, isn’t it?”

“I still beat him,” she returns sharply.

“Yeah, well, you almost didn’t.”

She bites the inside of her cheek hard enough to draw blood and sits on the edge of the bed.  

“Do you want something to drink?”  Benny asks, and while she knows he doesn't mean alcohol, she says, “I want a Gibson.  I might as well, right?  You warned me that if I kept drinking like I was, I’d end up washed up by my twenties.  But, it looks like that may be happening, anyway.”

“Beth, you’re not washed up.”

“I didn’t see the move, Benny.”  

She had gone through various phases while analyzing the game previously.  Anger.  Blame.  But now, she is just tired.  She considers excusing herself to go back to her room, but if she were being honest with herself, she doesn’t trust herself alone.

“Sometimes you don’t, but then you’ll see it the next game.  Just because you’re good doesn’t mean you’re infallible.”

"I shouldn’t be this thrown by it.  I beat Luchenko, Borgov.  I beat you.”

“Thanks for the reminder,” he returns drily.

She rubs at her eyes irritably and when she opens them again, he’s walked toward her and he sits on the bed next to her.  There is still a sizable distance between them, but she takes comfort in the way the mattress dips.  It makes her feel less alone.

“You are not washed up,” Benny says for the second time that night.  “But, you’re going to have games you lose.  It doesn’t make you any less of a player.”  Beth scoffs at that and he continues with, “Did beating Borgov make you think any less of him?”  

“No,” she admits.  She looks over at him, “And it didn’t make me think any less of you.  Although, you could improve your endgame.”

Benny smiles slightly.  “I’m going to choose to ignore that last part.”

Beth looks down at her shoes.  “I came here because I wanted a drink.”

Benny is quiet for a moment.  “Do you still want one?”

“Yes,” she answers immediately.  “But it’ll pass.”  She looks over at him, her nerves pulled tight, and asks, “Can I-”

“Yes,” he says.  “You can stay here.  As long as you need.”

They order room service - burgers with extra pickles for him and cheese for her - and she tells him she’ll be going back to her room soon, but that doesn't happen.  Instead, they play a few games of chess and then she stretches out on the bed, ignoring his offer for her to change into one of his oversized shirts to sleep in, and he settles in the bed next to her.  He shuts off the light, and she turns onto her back.  The darkness emboldens her to say what she had never been brave enough to tell him in the light.

“I didn't choose drinking over you.”

He doesn’t answer for a long moment, and when he does his voice is gravelly.  “It sure seemed like you did.”

“I chose being numb.”

“Is that supposed to make it better?”

“No,” she says honestly.  “But, it’s the truth.”  Staring up at the blank ceiling she says, “When my mother killed herself, she told me to close my eyes.  I think, in  some way, I’ve been trying to do that ever since.”

She hears the rustle of his hair against the pillow as he turns his head to look at her.  “Shit, Beth-”

“But, I don’t want to be numb anymore.  I don’t want to close my eyes.”  She turns her face toward him.  In the pitch darkness of the room, she can just make out the outline of his face, but his eyes gleam bright.  

“I’m sorry that I hurt you,” she says.

“I’m sorry that I didn’t go with you to Russia.”

“You were still there when I needed you,” Beth returns, recalling the immense sense of relief when she heard his voice on the phone.  

“I couldn’t pass up an opportunity to beat the Russians.”

His voice is light and teasing, like it used to be, and she doesn’t know what to say next, but then he reaches forward and smooths her hair away from her face.  Without hesitation, she reaches up and grabs his hand, keeping it pressed against her cheek.  She doesn’t know if she leans in first, or him, but they meet in the middle, the kiss gentle and unhurried.  Her body yearns for more, but then he pulls away, pressing a kiss on her forehead as he says, “We should get some sleep.  We both have games at seven tomorrow.”

She knows that he’s right, because he’s an addiction in his own way, and if they started something she knew they would get little sleep. She turns on her side, her mind wonderfully blank as he blanketed her body with his.  She falls asleep within minutes.

The next morning, the twins catch Beth leaving Benny’s room to change for the day, and one of them does a low whistle while Beth jauntily responds with her middle finger.  She changes into one of her favorite dresses, a checkered number with a high neckline that dipped to a lower “v” in the back, and she proceeds to win all of her games, even achieving a new personal record for time.  Benny does the same, and then it’s just the two of them, facing off at the top table.  There’s a break before and he presses her against a wall in a back hallway, his mouth against hers.

“If you’re trying to distract me, it won’t work,” she says, fingers caught up in his hair.

“Don’t worry, I know better than that.”

Fifteen minutes later, they are seated opposite each other, attention finely tuned to the action on the board.  Benny has improved since Beth last played him, but then again, so has she.  Both of them nearly run out their clocks, but in the end, it is Benny who extends his hand across the board.  She knows how much he hates to lose, but there is not a trace of ill will on his face when she shakes his hand.  Instead, there is admiration, respect, and something else that she is hesitant to name.

Afterwards, they go directly to her room, and they don’t even make it to fully undressed before she takes him in, breathing a sigh of relief against his neck.  When they are finished, his fingers languidly run along her side and he says, “You should come to New York.”

“I can’t,” she says, looking up at him.  “I’m coaching at one of the high schools and they have a major tournament next week” 

“Okay,” he says.  “Then what if I come to Kentucky?”

While this isn’t exactly a surprise, it still thrills her to hear him say it.  “Really?”

“Yeah, really.”

“Okay,” she says, trying to keep an impending wide grin at bay.  She runs her hand along his chest and Innocently says, “I think I have an air mattress in the closet.” 

[carewyncromwell]

“How does a moment last forever? How can a story never die? It is love we must hold onto -- Never easy, but we try. Sometimes our happiness is captured; Somehow our time and place stand still... Love lives on inside our hearts and always will... Minutes turn to hours, days to years, then gone, But when all else has been forgotten, Still our song lives on...”

~“How Does a Moment Last Forever? (cover)” by Celine Dion

x~x~x~x

tw: character death, funerals, grief

x~x~x~x

The kelpie known as Ru Ollivander always knew their time on Earth would be fleeting -- at least, in comparison to the human witches and wizards they’d ended up living alongside. It was the main reason Ru had such a passion for photography, animation, and moving pictures. The thought of capturing a single moment and making it last beyond that moment...making it possible to relive that moment over and over again, as many times as one wanted...it was meaningful in a way Ru couldn’t quite put into words. 

And so over the years, the eccentric, blunt kelpie -- never the best at expressing themselves in the way more upright, classy humans did -- captured as many memories as they could of the things they found most remarkable about the Wizarding World they’d entered. They sketched the rows upon rows of disgusting-looking ingredients in jars set up in the Potions classroom. They took pictures of the way the moon looked from the Astronomy Tower after a thunderstorm. They made animations of how Venomous Tentaculas and Mandrakes grew, compressing entire months into mere seconds. And, of course, over the years, Ru used their cinematograph, Aeroscope, and other cameras to film the humans who had become most important to them -- their best friend, Galen Stagg @cursebreakerfarrier​​; their fellow Ravenclaw and Galen’s eventual other half, Siobhan Llewelyn @kc-needs-coffee​; and their “keeper”-turned-muse-and-life partner, Estrid Soelberg @thatravenpuffwitch​​. 

One morning, however, in the 1930′s, Estrid returned to the cottage she shared with Ru from a trip to the market to find the entire place in disarray. A table had been overturned, Ru’s camera was knocked over on its side, and a drawer of photographs had been pulled out, its contents spread out all over the floor. Alarmed, Estrid rushed to find Ru -- when she did, she found them on the floor, in full kelpie form, looking very restless and distraught as they huffed and puffed through their nose and mouth. Estrid hurriedly rushed over and bent down, trying to help, but it soon became clear what the problem was.

Ru couldn’t change form. They couldn’t transform themselves out of their real appearance. ...They couldn’t turn into a human anymore. 

The realization overwhelmed Ru. As much as they always knew the day would come, it wasn’t any less devastating. They’d never have hands again. They’d never have legs or feet again. They’d never speak properly again. They’d never be able to take any more pictures, or make any more movies, or make improvements to their cameras, or draw any more sketches or animations. They’d never be able to visit Galen’s classroom anymore for his lectures. They’d never be able to exchange any more friendly swears with Siobhan over a game of Wizard’s Chess. ...They’d never be able to comfort Estrid again...never be able to stroke her hair and hold her until she stopped crying...never be able to play her film reels of her grandfather, or plant flowers in the garden with her, or dance with her in the rain...they’d never be able to tell her how much they loved her.

The kelpie’s eyes fell toward the ground, darkening, as they flooded with tears. Those tears streaked down their long face in cold, deafening silence. Estrid, who’d almost never seen Ru cry in all their time together, found herself struggling not to break down completely herself as she threw her arms around Ru’s snout and hugged them, resting her face in their overgrown seaweed mane. The two sat together on the floor for what felt like hours, crying and cuddling as best they could, Ru pressing their soft nose into Estrid’s cheek and the crook of her neck and Estrid kissing their nose and the top of their head. 

Estrid wrote to the Staggs to pass along the news. Galen pretty much dropped everything to be by his friend’s side -- the magizoologist had always had a particular talent for speaking to magical creatures, and it had never been more useful than in those final weeks of Ru’s life. It seemed that what upset Ru most out of everything was that they’d had a project they hadn’t been able to finish. It was an incomplete film reel they’d stored under their and Estrid’s bed for the last year, taking out and working on only whenever Estrid wasn’t home. 

Galen had made as if to go get it, but Ru had snatched his sleeve in their teeth and pulled him back so he couldn’t leave their side.

“Not yet,” they were clearly saying. “It’s not time. Please, not yet.”

Reluctantly Galen respected his friend’s wishes. 

Within a month of them being unable to change back into a human, Galen and Siobhan received the owl they’d been dreading. Ru had passed the previous night, Estrid by their side all the way up until the end. 

As per Ru’s wishes, their funeral service was very small. They were laid to rest beside the small pond behind their and Estrid’s cottage -- Galen knew that kelpies’ bodies tended to decompose quickly, leaving only the seaweed of their manes behind at the bottom of the seafloor. There wasn’t a dry eye during the modest ceremony.

On Galen’s prompting, Estrid went to their room and fetched Ru’s unfinished project from under their bed. Inside the box holding the film reel were hundreds, maybe thousands of old photographs and drawings, many of which Galen, Estrid, and Siobhan had never seen. Some featured Hogwarts, from different angles; some were of the places they’d been to, or the creatures they handled, or the food they ate, or just cool and random things they only half-remembered. Most of all, though, the pictures were of them...and a small fraction, toward the very front, were of Ru themselves. 

It was incredible, just looking through the pictures. Forty years of memories were compiled together, documenting not just the changes in those years, but the advancement in Ru’s talent as an artist. The newest pictures were so much clearer and more life-like -- the magical ones moved with such clarity -- the drawings were more refined -- the animations more complex. The pictures placed side-by-side were an animation unto themselves: a beautiful montage of time, like a blooming flower. 

Siobhan was the one who knew Ru’s equipment well enough to work out how to set up the projector so they could play the incomplete film reel. The beginning featured Ru as the three remembered them -- very long, wavy black hair, bright blue angled eyes, and diamond earrings, dressed in a dark violet velvet suit and vest with no collared shirt underneath and a gold and emerald necklace around their neck. They were smirking right at the camera, but it seemed to be a bit strained. 

“Hi, Estrid. Galen...Siobhan...reckon you’re both here too. You are the only one who could ever figure out how to work the projector, Sha.”

They cleared their throat, snorting through their nose before continuing. 

“...I’ve...recorded this a few times already, trying to get it right, but...well, I’ll just be straight. This morning...I had trouble creating my daddles.”

They held up their right hand and flourished the fingers in explanation. 

“I woke up with hooves and it took me about a minute to conjure up my fingers. I didn’t tell you, Estrid, since I knew it’d only make you worry, but...well, I know I’ll only be doing more of that, soon.”

They forced a stronger smirk.

“So I decided to make this for you. It’s a compilation of our lives...one that you can hopefully play, when you need to remember. When you need to get away from the present, and run back to the past for a bit. Watch it every time you feel the urge to drink -- and then push away that urge.”

The moving image of Ru was replaced with the pictures, movies, drawings, and animations the three had seen in the box, overlaying Ru’s voice as they continued.

“When I first started disguising myself as Rudolph Ollivander, all I cared about was living in the moment. But the thing I found so amazing about being human was this instinct you all have to try to make moments last long after they’re over. Considering how long you all live, and therefore how short my existence is in comparison, I loved the thought of making something last. Something I made last. I wanted to plant some seed that would grow into something that would keep growing long after me. But it didn’t take me long to realize that even if I took great photographs, or made beautiful films, or made the best magical camera in the world...it didn’t matter. Because I didn’t have a family who would tend to my garden, after I left it. I didn’t have a family who would keep the things I’d made, and pass them on, and share them with the world. ...I didn’t have a family who would pass on my legacy. After Hogwarts, it’d be a lot harder to hide what I was from the world...and once everyone knew the truth, I would undoubtedly be alone again. It was something I knew was inevitable, really, so it didn’t break me or anything...but me leaving something lasting behind was still a dream I knew would never come true. And I won’t lie, that hurt like shit.

“But then, somehow...somehow or another, I ran into you, Estrid. I was steamed as all get-out when we first met, mind you...but I don’t think I’ll ever be more grateful for anything than you stopping me from eating that first year that day. The bridle you put on me? I hated it. I had to stay in one form for almost eight whole years, and that was a real pain in the arse. But as I told you before, over time, I found I didn’t mind so much. Kelpies don’t stay in one form because changing forms helps us survive. It keeps us safe and keeps any other creatures from getting close enough to eat or trap us. And sure, I couldn’t change form...but I wasn’t exactly trapped. Hogwarts was a fun place to be. There was a lot to learn and do and get into, and there were all sorts of rules to buck and dozens of lick-spittles to give a good arse-kicking to. And better still...there were even some humans that were fun to be around.”

The pictures all started to reflect Galen -- at the piano, with a tree of bowtruckles, laughing at a joke -- Galen and Ru running down the lane away from the Shrieking Shack --

“There were ones who were gentle. Pacifistic and wussy, yeah, but also...well, kind. Good at expressing their feelings and making others feel stronger. Good at being brave without being loud or obnoxious. Good at being a friend, to someone who didn’t know anything about friendship.”

The pictures then started to add Siobhan, often alongside Galen, but also on her own, or even with Estrid and Ru.

“There were ones who were clever. Too proud for their own good and prone to overthinking things that are really quite simple...but brilliant, and witty, and a blast to be around. Someone who you can share your interests with and know they appreciate them.”

The pictures then shifted over to Estrid with braids in her hair -- Estrid sitting by the pond in their garden -- Estrid dancing -- 

“And...there were ones who could change you...more than you ever thought possible.”

The pictures abruptly cut off -- Ru’s face returned to the projector. They were still talking to the camera, but it was clear they hadn’t intended for their face to be seen, as they weren’t looking straight at the lens anymore. 

“A ‘keeper,’ who became a friend, and then a muse...and then something more. An equal and a partner...someone who makes you unafraid of the future and how fleeting life is, who actually makes you think that your life makes a difference. Who teaches you more than any book, without even trying. Someone patient, and brave, and compassionate...who never tries to stuff the silence full of worthless words...whose beauty masks a greater one underneath, one that few people ever are fortunate enough to see...”

Ru’s eyes on screen had begun to flood with tears. They closed their eyes and breathed in and out through their nose to try to get a rein on their emotions.

“...Estrid...my whole life, I wanted to leave something behind that would outlive me. That thing isn’t just my pictures, or my films, or my drawings -- it’s you. You are my legacy. You and Galen and Siobhan...you are the wonderful thing I’ll leave behind. It breaks my heart that I’ll have to...and it breaks my heart more, knowing I can’t make sure you all remain as you are, in this moment. Healthy. Successful. Stupid and happy and full of life.”

They forced a smile even as their electric blue eyes overflowed with tears that streaked down their face. 

“I don’t have a family to make sure you all last beyond me...but I do have you. So, for me...I need you to tend to my garden. I need you to maintain my legacy -- by maintaining yourself. I need you to live, and heal, and grow, and do everything I can’t do...”

Ru was unable to keep themselves from breaking down into sobs. They bowed their head, clutching onto their own hair as they vainly tried to keep their voice steady. 

“Don’t throw your time away. Don’t throw your lives away. If you do, I’ll never bloody forgive you!”

For the next minute they took a few stabilizing breaths, sucking in air shakily through their nose and mouth. 

“Damn it...” they hissed under their breath. “Now I have to cut this...”

They swallowed, wiping the tears from their eyes with both hands. The tears left tracks on their face even as they forced themselves to return their focus to the camera. 

“...Make every moment count...and when you can, make that moment last forever.

“I realized, when I was looking through my old pictures, that I’ve never really taken many pictures of me. I guess in the moment, I really was a lot more focused on capturing everything I saw, rather than myself. So here are some pictures I took more recently that have me in them. Hopefully you can use them to imagine me behind every picture I took earlier, of all of you. Even though I probably wasn’t smiling or anything...I’m sure you know I was enjoying myself, right? ...I did enjoy myself a lot, with all of you...”

They forced another smile, even though the tears on their face still shone in the light from the next room.

“I remember you once said, Galen, that you could see the love in the pictures I take. I still don’t really know what the hell that’s supposed to mean...but I reckon you bringing up love made some sense. I did love taking those pictures, every one of them -- and more than that...I learned about love, through the people in those pictures. So thank you. Thank you for loving me...and for teaching me so much. And even when this film reel’s obsolete, and my pictures are ruined, and my drawings fade...don’t stop doing things that are worth remembering. Keep making more memories. I know I’ll never forget you -- all you have to do now is make sure the rest of the world won’t either.

“So live. Live, and learn, and love. Make today last forever.” 

When Ru’s film reel finally ended and faded to black, Galen, Siobhan, and Estrid were all in tears. Galen was clinging to his wife, his face buried in her hair and his hands clutching at the back of her dress as he sobbed. Siobhan herself had her eyes shut tight as she held Galen in return, unable to contain her own grief. Estrid was holding herself, tears streaming from her hazel eyes still staring at the blank projector screen where Ru had been smiling moments earlier. She closed her eyes, her hands covering her face as she cried silently. 

The grief in the room was overwhelming, and yet Ru’s final unfinished present tapped into something at the base of the grief -- the deep, bottomless love they all felt. For as blunt and stubborn as Ru could be, the depth of their feelings was undeniable. They didn’t want their loved ones to despair -- they wanted them to remember, yes, but not languish in the memories...to live with an eye on the past and feet walking toward the future. Ru knew the grief Estrid had gone through when she’d lost her grandfather, and had tried so hard to give her something to help her through her grief again even when they weren’t there to physically support her.

And so over the years, Siobhan, Galen, and Estrid maintained Ru’s legacy. The three lived their lives to the fullest and worked to make sure that no one forgot about all of the advancements Ru had made in the world of wizarding photography. Galen used Ru’s old film reels of magical creatures in his classes; Siobhan took even more pictures of her own; and Estrid fought to ensure Ru’s work was put up in wizarding museums and exhibitions all over Europe, as a testament to her partner’s talent and dedication. 

A man has no control who lives, who dies, and who tells their story...but the ones who they love in life, and who inspire them in death, are the most precious legacy they can leave behind. 

[nerv0usm3chanic]

CORRUPTION

Chapters: 1 || 2 || 3 || 4

--

((NOTE - This is an introduction to a new PERMANENT AU feature exclusive to nerv0usm3chanic. Please see further, generalized information regarding this AU here: X

Be advised that each of these chapters are VERY LONG. The full content will be tucked under a read more after a brief introduction segment.

DO NOT REBLOG.))

--

“Arthur...have you been feeling okay?” Vivi asked, taking a seat beside Arthur as he focused on the project before him. He’d been fiddling with robotics for a while just as a hobby, but given how long and hard he’d been working, it looked like Arthur was working on an even more vital project than any before. He was clumsy with his right hand as he set down a pair of tweezers and looked at Vivi with tired eyes and a weak smile.

“I’ve been better, Vivi.” Arthur sighed tiredly. He’d been back from the hospital for nearly a month now - two and a half months since he’d lost his arm - and the blond spent nearly every day working on an intense project. “It’s...not too easy adjusting to not having something...” Arthur admitted quietly, staring at the metal bones before him.

“Oh, jinx! I’m sorry, Artie, I-I didn’t mean-!” Vivi started, backpedaling in her sentence before Arthur reached out with his right hand and touched her shoulder. He smiled at her softly, assuring her that it was alright.

“N-no, it’s okay, Vivi. You know it’s not your fault.” Arthur said gently, reassuring Vivi that what had happened was in the past and really there wasn’t anything she could have done. Except maybe not make them go to the cave in the first place. But Arthur refused to entertain that dark train of thought...it might wake him up. “It was just...a lot of crazy coincidences.” That was something he told himself over and over, day in and day out. It helped him feel better about the absence on his left side.

“Hmmm...well...are-are things going better?” She asked, tucking her hair behind her ears, “Is it easier with your cousin and uncle taking care of things?”

“Hmm...uh, well...to a degree.” Arthur answered, turning back to his project and carefully picking up the tweezers. Even after weeks of practice, Arthur still found it hard to adjust to being right-handed...among other things. “Lucan takes care of the front of the shop and does some fixing and Uncle Lance still runs the shop as normal. I help out with checking numbers and making sure bills and such get paid. So, I’m still working. It keeps me busy when I’m not sleeping or working on this thing.”

“So this is...” the blue-hared woman started, looking at the complex assemblage of metal rods, hinges, and wires, along with a lot of other things Vivi didn’t know the particular names of.

“Yep.” Arthur nodded, using the tweezers to carefully arrange a pattern of wires to eventually lead to sensors in one of the digits. He still had a lot of work to do before he was finished with his prosthetic arm.

--

“Okay um, yeah, um hold it there, for just a second.” Arthur directed as his doctor carefully positioned the first rendition of the blond’s new left arm. Six months had passed and this was going to be the first attempt to connect the false appendage to the specialized port. In that time, Arthur had spent so much time studying and using the nearby university resources, he might as well have earned an honorary degree with what he was attempting. Arthur knew this was going to hurt and he needed his cousin and uncle for support. The pale fingers of his right hand were grasping tight to Lance’s rough gloved hand in worried anticipation.

“Just take yer time, lad.” Lance replied in the softest version of his gruff voice. He wasn’t the most comforting of individuals, but the short-statured Kingsmen was practically Arthur’s parent with how much time he’d put into raising the boy. Arthur wouldn’t have asked anyone else to be there for emotional support. “An’ don’ do anything ye don’ feel ready fer.”

“We ken always do this later if ye need ta iron out some wrinkles.” Lucan offered, giving Arthur a pat on his whole shoulder. As his cousin, it was expected that Lucan would be somewhat close to Arthur. But seeing as the two had bonded so much more closely since Lucan moved to Tempo, the younger Kingsmen might as well have been brothers. All three men looked to the doctor preparing to attach the false arm.

“I wish I could numb the pain for you, Arthur.” He murmured gently, “But this is a prototype and...we need to gauge how well the adaptor works to communicate between the wires and nerves...” The arm had been through so many tests and iterations with the help of the local university and waiting for more tests wasn’t going to work anymore.

The doctor needed results for his paper. The university needed results to keep funding the specialist and Arthur. Arthur needed results...in the form of a new left arm. The chance that there would even be any kind of re-use of his left arm again was enough to motivate Arthur for this improvement.

“I’m ready...just...be careful.” Arthur nodded, gripping his uncle’s hand tighter as the prosthetic’s port approached the adaptor his doctor had installed two months earlier. There was that ominous tingle in the back of his mind, a dark chuckle rising up from the depths as the separated parts got closer. Amber eyes widened in fear as he noticed a small flux of energy and a tiny zap between the ports now just millimeters apart.

“W-wai-!” But he was too late. A pained scream ripped free from him, lightning practically erupting around Arthur’s arm port as everyone was pushed from the blond. Arthur would wake sometime later in a hospital bed, his new arm heavy and limp. He would cry out in angered frustration, causing everyone to leave the room as he pitched anything within reach at those nearby.

He had failed...again! There was nothing this metal arm could do but sit there! It was an arm-shaped paperweight...it was just good for looking like an arm...until he made a metal finger twitch.

--

“Alright, you ready to test out that coordination, Artie?” Lewis called over the short distance between him and Arthur while Vivi and Mystery watched eagerly. Arthur was going to be practicing more refined movement with his arm, this time it was catching and throwing a ball. A simple task for many, but Arthur had been so focused on preparing his arm, working on it days and nights for months. Vivi was proud to see Arthur regaining himself; the use of his left arm being the most important thing she’s noticed.

“I’m ready!” Arthur called back, flexing his robotic hand to prepare it to catch the baseball. He’s been working on getting back to being left-handed, but had found tasks much easier to accomplish with developed skill in using both his hands. Forced ambidexrty was interesting to accomplish - and he was exceedingly proud of his abilities - but now the point was to get his false arm’s motions up to snuff.

“He’s improved so much!” Vivi says to Mystery as she watches Lewis pitch the ball gently. “I was really worried about him for a while.”

“Yeah...it was a little shaky for a while there, wasn’t it?” Mystery added, internally still angry at himself for using such drastic action. It’s been a solid 11 months since then and still-! Mystery nearly bolted and then forced himself to sit back down with a huff; he was doing his best to contain the canine urge to chase the ball. The first few volleys back and forth were fine, no trouble at all for Arthur. Mystery felt a sudden strange energy in the air as Arthur caught the ball again and perked up as he smelt a strange singe.

“That had some real pep!” Lewis laughed as he ran to catch the ball and prepared to throw it back. He was so glad to see Arthur seemingly back to himself once more. For a while, Arthur had become a near-complete hermit, forgoing any kind of social engagement to get his arm made.

Arthur himself felt almost too relieved to be able to use his arm so easily. Physical therapy with the doctors was tough and mechanical therapy with the robotic majors at the local university was a nightmare...but it was worth it to have a functional arm once again. And the grant money to develop the appendage further wasn’t half-bad either. It was exciting, thrilling even! He almost could feel the electric excitement as he-oh...oh no. Arthur caught the ball and paused his adrenaline rush as he sees electricity dance over his arm again and hears the sizzle of the tennis ball’s singing fibers in his hand. Quickly he passed the ball to his other hand.

“Ah- uh, I think th-that’s enough for now. I think the arm’s getting a little overworked. Ah, um, st-static and all that!” He gives an awkward grin to ease Vivi and Lewis’s sudden confusion. “I’m ah, g-gonna go inside and discharge.” Arthur gave an awkward laugh and scurried to get inside the mechanics shop again, his trio of friends were left worried and confused.

“Why won’t you leave me alone?” Arthur whispered in a hiss, glaring at his hand as a ribbon of green electricity coiled over the metal. The dark voice in his head merely chuckled as Arthur went to a specialized discharging station in his room.

‘I was bored. You live a very dull life, Kingsmen.’ The voice hummed idly, ‘If you would just allow me to take over-’

“Never! Just-just leave already!” Arthur murmured, sliding into his room and heading for the discharging rod. On the surface, it just let off static electricity. On the inside, there was a battery hooked up and storing the electricity Arthur would often unwillingly produce. He used the power to run a lamp attached to his desk.

‘If I could, I might...but at this moment, I can’t. So I will just bide my time, boy. I am very patient~. And when your friends inevitably abandon you for your behavior~.’ Arthur frowned, furious that he had to deal with this thing all the time. But what could he do? Exorcising a spirit was one thing, but he was sure this being wouldn’t let go after a few holy words, a splash of water, and some special tags.

Arthur might need to find someone who can offer more specialized help than a priest.

--

Chapters: 1 || 2 || 3 || 4

[softyoongiionly]

Business Casual 🥼

Your boyfriend Jungkook has become the worldest youngest billionaire after inventing the most sought after wine on the planet. After meeting you and falling in love, he decides to ditch the bustling streets of Seoul for a picturesque villa on the Greek island of Mykonos. Today, after a long few days of work, Jungkook wants to go to the beach...

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader

Word Count: 3.3k

Genre: Smut, fluff, Boyfriend! Jungkook, Billionaire! Jungkook

Warnings: SMUT (18+ only please), there’s a lot of fluff, also Jungkook speaks Korean again and, this deserves a warning, language

A/N: This is part of the Mama Mia! series, I hope you guys enjoy!

***All italicized/bolded words indicate when characters are speaking Korean***

Jungkook’s been in the wine cellar all day. 

He, along with a few members of his team worked tirelessly over the last month to get it set up. Many sleepless nights were spent on tossing and turning to the sound of drilling and scrapping of wood but, it had all been worth it when you saw that gorgeous bunny smile on your boyfriends face signaling that it had been completed. The end result was incredible: professional grad wine making equipment, state of the art storage systems and, a complete mini bar where Jungkook could experiment to his hearts content.

 The thing is, Jungkook trusted very few people.

 His jovial nature has been slowly chipped at over the years as more and more people tried to use him.  His old co-workers, his accountant, his third cousin and, worst of all, his half-brother were amongst the most difficult betrayals that caused Jungkook to retreat further and further into his introverted nature. The prototype for Azucar De Luna had been stolen many times during Jungkook’s initial success but, after a difficult year, he had refined it for the last time completely on his own. The only people he shared the recipe with were his parents and, instead of continuing mass production, Jungkook started making the bottles himself. A tireless endeavor, especially given that after the scandals of the stolen recipes broke, the original product only increased in demand.

 A massive waiting list formed and, the price for a single bottle leapt from just under $850 a bottle to $7,700 a bottle. This price increase sent Azucar De Luna to the top of the world’s most expensive wines.

 Jungkook didn’t start making wine for the money though, he started it because he was passionate about it and, grew rather uncomfortable with people treating him like he was some sort of business tycoon. Given that your boyfriend makes all the wine himself, he reduced his output of the product significantly and only releases 200 bottles a year. This of course, only allures the rich and famous more and more.

 “Jagiyaaaa…”  You hear his whine coming from the cellar and, the sound causes a smile to break across your lips.

 He wants you to try something…

 “Mr. Jeon???” You call back in response and you hear him snicker at the name.

 “Come here, I added something new!”

 The sound of his voice warms you from the inside out and, you quickly oblige his request, setting aside the book you were reading to meet your boyfriend in the cellar.

 You pass the thermostat on the way down and, curse yourself for not remembering your sweater. Jungkook keeps his cellar at exactly 55 degrees (12.8 degrees Celsius) which isn’t freezing but, its certainly much cooler than the warm summer breeze currently wafting through your living room.

 “Yah, baby…” Jungkook admonishes from behind the bar, the nickname sends a jolt through your stomach as its not one he uses often, “…you’re going to catch a cold.

 You wave him off, thankful you’re wearing socks as you step onto the stone floor, “I’ll be fine. You’re timing is perfect by the way, just in time for happy hour…”

 Jungkook chuckles, grabbing a wine glass from the overhead rack, “Is that why you keep me around? No need to go to the bar when you’ve got a vintner for a boyfriend huh?”

 “You weren’t supposed to figure that out until after I convinced you to ditch the pre-nup babe, don’t mess with my plans…” You retort, hoisting yourself onto the barstool, admiring the way Jungkook looks dressed in his corduroy apron.

 “All I got from that statement is that you want to marry me…” He smiles, throwing a wink your way as he pours a half a glass for each of you.

 “Shut up…”

 The characteristic bloody red of Jungkook’s wine is slightly darkened and, you ignore the fluttering in your chest and, change the subject.

“What did you add? It smells amazing in here…” The cellar’s scent contained all of the usual subjects: cork, wood, wine, etc. but, there was a strong scent of something else you couldn’t quite place.

“Dark chocolate. I imported some from Africa and asked the chocolatier if I could experiment with it. She said I could as long as I sent her a bottle if it works out.” He smiles fondly, pushing the glass towards you.

“Fair warning, if you do get this right, which I’m quite sure you did, I will be begging you for more…” You warn him playfully, bring the glass to your nose, inhaling the sweet and savory notes of Jungkook’s creation.

“Wouldn’t be the first time…” He quips, smirking, eyes flitting over you and, he throws his head back in laughter as you flip him off, moving the glass to your lips.

The taste is exquisite, earthy and sweet, (just like Jungkook). The chocolate notes linger on your tongue long after you’ve swallowed your first sip and close your eyes in disbelief.

“How is it?” Jungkook’s nervous, he always is. Your approval means a lot to him and, despite his international success, he still doesn’t understand his own greatness.

“Okay, all jokes aside, this is one of your best bottles yet. It’s so amazing, the flavor, the aftertaste, its chocolatey but, not too strong. You’re a genius Kookie, like seriously you have a gift…” You’re rambling and, Jungkook’s bunny smile quickly makes an appearance, relishing in your praise.

 “Really? It’s only been fermenting for 10 days, I was worried it wouldn’t be long enough…” He is slowly making his way around the counter, feeling a desire to be closer to you.

 “I wouldn’t have been able to tell, it tastes like it’s been aged for half a century…” You smile as he smiles, taking another sip, closing your eyes once more at the taste.However, before you have a chance to open them, you feel warm lips tucking themselves between yours, catching the bit of wine still left on your lips.

“Tastes even better on your lips jagiya…” Jungkook whips out his Korean and his satoori because, he has absolutely no regard for your life.

You hum against his mouth, pushing a hand against his chest, “You’re insatiable…”

The two of you had gone at it this morning: unhurried and unrestrained in your brand new bed. The move has finally allowed for you and Jungkook to indulge in each other without interruptions and, it’s safe to say you’ve been taking advantage of it.

“I’m a sommelier jagi, it’s my job to always improve the quality of my wine…”

He’s kissing down into your neck now, slotting himself between your legs whilst his strong arms wrap around your waist.

You don’t stop him, melting at the feeling of his lips, your hands brushing back his thick, raven locks.

He’s hair is growing longer everyday…

“Are you gonna send me to the chocolatier too then?” You tease, tugging on his hair playfully and, he chuckles, biting your neck in retaliation.

“No,” He’s back to English now, bestowing some semblance of mercy upon you, pulling out of your neck to meet your eyes, “she’s getting the lower quality version, I don’t share…”

Virgos never do….

“The wine on its own is more than enough.” You assure him, fingernails brushing over his back gently, smirking at the light shiver that runs through his body.

“Why do you always do that?” He whines, his hair falling in his eyes as he pushes against you.

“Do what?”

“Use your nails…” He’s boyish as ever, hugging you and, sporting pink cheeks, his lids heavy with an onslaught of exhaustion.

A fond giggle fills the small amount of space between you, “ I thought you liked my nails…”

He grumbles, tucking his face right back into you, nuzzling his face there.

He’s tired…

“I do but,” You haven’t stopped gently running your nails over your boyfriends back, hoping to encourage him to get some rest. “…they feel too good. I have to keep working.”

You shake your head, pressing a kiss against his hair, “You’ve been working for the past 10 hours babe, its almost midnight…”

“Are you trying to get me into bed jagiya?” He hums and, you can feel him smirk against you as his fingertips slide underneath your t shirt.

“I am, you’re going to burn yourself out and, I don’t like going to sleep without you…” You respond shamelessly, trying to ignore the errors in your pronunciation.

Jungkook doesn’t seem to notice as he continues to nose at your neck, “Are you going to put me to sleep?”

You pinch his side gently causing him to chuckle, pulling away from you once more, his chocolate eyes lit up in mischief.

“I’ll come to bed in a little bit, I promise.” Jungkook rubs your hips, his tone sincere enough that you , don’t question it, even though you want him to yourself right now, you know he has to finish up. “You like the wine though right? You think it’s good enough for a soft release, just to the locals’ maybe?”

His onslaught of questions explains why he isn’t ready for bed yet. As much as he wants to snuggle into bed with you, the perfectionist living in his brain is clearly not done with him yet.

A soft smile on your mouth and a thumb over his cheek soothes him slightly, along with your words of encouragement:

“It’s one of the best wines I’ve ever had Jungkook, second only to Luna. Whoever you decide to share it with is going to be in awe…”

His bunny smile is back paired with bunny teeth nibbling his bottom lip, “I love you…”

A pert kiss is pressed to his lips, “I love you too.” You throw a stern look his way as you pull back, “In bed by one ok? I don’t want you overworking yourself…”

He’s docile under your orders, he prefers it that way.

“Yes mam. I’ll be up soon…”

He makes good on his promise and, although you had drifted off not long after your time with him in the cellar, you vaguely remember him cuddling up behind you and, passing out soon after.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The curtains danced around the right side of your bedroom along with the summer wind, the song was the sound of the ocean and, you feel awfully lucky that you’re witnessing such a simple yet beautiful sight.

It’s so strange to think that a fairy-tale can feel so much like home…

Jungkook had been up before you, needing to be on a conference call with his parents and, a few remaining trusted investors. From what you could gather, things went well as you didn’t catch anything too alarming coming from Jungkook’s office.

You woke up not long after him, having an appointment of your own with an art gallery in France that you had been managing for the past year. Nothing too eventful came from your meeting either, a new curator had joined your team so, you spent most of the call going over the ins and outs of their position. You’re still in your office when your boyfriend meanders in, wearing only his black boxers and a navy blue dress shirt. You laugh at the sight,

“What are you wearing?”

“What does it look like? Business…” He pauses, gesturing to the dress shirt before turning around and, flashing his ass to you, “…casual…”

Your head is thrown back as full belly laughter leaves your lips, the ridiculousness of your boyfriend really knows no bounds.

“Are your boxer’s designer at least? Or are those the ones you bought at the convenience store?”

He chuckles, feeling warm at the sound of your laughter, making his way over to you, “Those pesky investors don’t deserve my good underwear jagi, those are only for you…”

Jungkook’s arrived at your desk now, his fingers working at the buttons of his top, wanting desperately to rid himself of it.

“Good point.” You giggle before nodding to him,  “Are you done for the day?”

You try not to notice as more and more of Jungkook’s tanned skin is revealed to you and, continue typing away on your computer.

“Yeah,” He finishes unbuttoning and grips the lapels of the shirt before pulling it off, leaving his body on full display, “I don’t feel like doing much else, especially sense I was in the cellar all day yesterday.”

A glimpse of his abs, that he annoyingly still has despite you feeding him constantly, causes you to feel weak in the knees.

Damn him for being so beautiful…

“Yeah, I don’t blame you, you worked really hard yesterday.” You attempt to keep it cool, not wanting to jump his bones two days in a row.

“I wanted to go down to the beach today, the weather is beautiful.”

His statement makes you whimsical, he sounds so happy and, peaceful: something you didn’t hear much of until you moved to Greece.

“Yeah? Let’s do it…I’m almost done here, I just gotta send this out to my new hire and, I’ll be done.”

He smiles at your response, his eagerness coming in full throttle as he kisses your head, “Ok, I’ll get everything ready for us. Take your time jagi…”

Jungkook says take your time but, the way he rushes excitedly out of the room, causes you to finish up as quickly as possible.

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Several hours, a plate of delicious food and a third of a bottle of wine later, you and Jungkook find yourself waist deep in the waters of your private portion of Kalafati Beach. The wine and food had settled quite nicely in your system and, you feel pleasantly floaty as your wrap your legs around your boyfriends narrow hips.

“You look like a mermaid jagiya….so beautiful.” He muses, smiling gently against your lips as he nudges your nose, he’s been speaking Korean for the past hour or so, explaining that speaking in his native language relaxes him.

Words sound beautiful out of Jungkook’s mouth, no matter the language…

“I wouldn’t mind living in the ocean…being a merman would suit you too, especially since your hair is so long…” Your response is a little rocky but, you pair it with gentle comb of your fingers through his locks so, any mistakes are forgiven.

“ You like long hair right?”

You kiss his temple, “ I love it.”

Jungkook smiles as he leans into you, kissing slowly and tenderly into your neck.

The thing is, you both had been at this for quite awhile, he was hard, you were wet but, neither of you had made a further move and, instead choose to kiss and tease one another.

Your nails make an appearance on Jungkook’s back, tracing slow and gentle shapes in his damp skin. His dick twitches again, for the hundredth time and, although there is no need for theatrics, you would be lying if you said you weren’t desperate to have him inside of you.

“Baby…” He whispers into your ear, nudging it with his nose, “Baby baby baby…my baby…”

Jungkook is back to English for the pet name only and, you smile fondly as you hear a hint of his submission.

He gets like this sometimes, he’d never let the world know.

Its only for you…

“What jagiya? What is it?” You coo tenderly into his skin, kissing and nibbling against his shoulder.

He shivers at the sensation of your teeth but, his response comes quickly, “can I go inside now?”

“Inside? Inside where?”

Jungkook groans at your teasing, pressing his hips against you desperately, “Inside of you….”

A smirk is on your mouth, you love riling him up, “Inside of me how? How will you get inside?”

Jungkook loves it too, he loves when you tease but, his dick is so hard he can feel it throb painfully in the water. He slides his hand down between you to cup against your bathing suit bottoms, smacking lightly underwater, “You know exactly how I get inside but, if Noona wants to hear me say it, I will…”

His satoori is back and thicker than ever as he tucks a finger underneath the seam of your bathing suit, “I want inside her pussy. It’s where I belong right Noona? Right here huh? In this spot?”

His sinful questions are punctuated with the entrance of his finger that angles right up against your g spot.

“Fuck…” You whisper and, this causes Jungkook to chuckle darkly.

“What’s wrong Noona? Did I touch you somewhere too nice? Is your voice all fucked up now?”

God, he could really be dirty if he wanted to be…

His finger is pumping in and out of you now, his free hand untying one side of your suit, exposing more of you to him. He catches your gaze thing, wet stringy hair in his wild eyes, lips swollen from all of your kissing, smugness on his lips.

“Noona…what happened? Is your pussy too tingly? Is it too hard to speak now?”

You nod, not bothering to admonish his smugness, the sensation only increasing as he rubs his thumb over your swollen clit.

“Noona, will you cum on my hand please? Please Noona? I wanna feel you squeeze my finger, I want to lick it off, please Noona will you? If I go faster like this,” He increases his pace, tucking his finger harder up against your g-spot, “will you cum now Noona? Is it good enough?”

It is. It always is.

You feel your cunt tightening around his finger and, frantically you slide your hand down to rub over Jungkooks thumb, aiding him in rubbing your clit.

“Fuck there you go, that’s my baby yeah? That’s my fucking beautiful Noona, she cums so good for me every time, I’m so lucky…”

“Jungkook…” You whimper, which is uncommon for you and, he notices it, hugging you tightly to him as you slowly ride out your orgasm.

“My name should only ever come from your lips, no one else says it right, not like you Noona…”

He’s worshipping now, another layer of Jungkook’s love for you, perhaps one of the final layers…

“Can I come inside now Noona? Have I earned it?”

He’s whimpering now and, nosing at your cheek, placing eager kisses all over you, his hands following his lips.

“Inside babyboy, you’ve earned it, you always do…”

Jungkook melts at your words, wasting no time as he slides into you, having only pulled his trunks off half way under water.

“Oh god Noona…its not gonna be long, I’m so fucked up for you…” His whimpering is weaker as the two of you fuck eachother in the beautiful Grecian ocean.  

You’re drunk off the emotion, the setting, your lovers body, Jungkook’s words only adding to the high

“Say you love me…please jagiya, I need to hear it, I need it so bad…”

You do, you always do, you’ll say it till you’re blue in the face.

Cause this shit is that strong…

Through a few frantic I love you’s Jungkook cums, using your body for support but, continuing his pace to ensure that you finish for a second time.

It’s been like this a lot lately, unfiltered, raw, passionate…

You think it’s because he’s finally happy, he’s finally at peace with himself after so many years of heartbreak.

The tide is calmer than it was when you first entered the water, the seagulls and, the waves echoing like a heavenly music box around the two of you.

Nothing is said for quite a while, not with words anyway, the two of you merely sit in the world, kissing and touching at one another before Jungkook finally speaks,

“I know what to call the new wine…when it’s ready…” He beams, still sticking to Korean, his voice still small.

“What will you call it?”

He smiles, kissing your neck once more,

“Y/N.”

[duhragonball]

[FIC] Luffa: The Legendary Super Saiyan (115/?)

Disclaimer: This story features characters and concepts based on Dragon Ball, which is a trademark of Bird Studio/Shueisha and Toei Animation.   This is an unauthorized work, and no profit is being made on this work by me. This story is copyright of me. Download if you like, but please don’t archive it without my permission. Don’t be shy.

Continuity Note: About 1000 years before the events of Dragon Ball Z.

[10 March, 233 Before Age.   Ristet IV.]

As the Federation-Jindan War continued, Luffa found it useful to keep herself and her star-yacht in separate places.   This kept the enemy guessing as to her exact location, and it discouraged attacks on the ship itself, since no one was entirely certain of how valuable a target it really was.    

Following the liberation of Gorrfeg, the Federation and Seltiss' Saiyan Free Company agreed that Luffa and Xibuyas should split up and tackle Jindan cultists on different planets.   It was important to prevent the cultists from establishing a power base on another Federation world.    Thus far, the Jindan strategy had been to swoop in and attack any Federation planet within easy reach.    Evidently, the only objective was to confound the defenders and spread their forces even thinner.    Luffa could foil this effort, but only by being in the right place at the right time.  

Her secret weapon to ensure this was Dotz, a fortuneteller she had met before the war began.    Dotz was no warrior, but her predictions of enemy activity had been instrumental.   For this reason, Luffa had kept Dotz's role a secret, and took care to make sure she was far removed from the heaviest fighting.  

And so, when the star-yacht needed repairs, it made sense to send it--and Dotz-- to Ristet IV, as Dotz's forecasts had shown no combat in the next several days.  The planet was well-defended by surface-to-orbit weapons, bolstered with a Federation fleet which used the system as a command center.     Given this high level of security, and surrounded by qualified starship mechanics at the spaceport, Dr. Topsas suggested that they use the time to relax and unwind.    

No one, not even himself, took his advice.   Topsas left the ship, but instead of taking in a show in the city near the spaceport, he went to a medical research facility and began looking up ways to improve Luffa's recovery time after each battle.    Dotz remained on board, preferring to stay close to the materials she used for fortunetelling: crystals, a pack of arcane cards, and various other trinkets most people would deem useless and insignificant.     As was her custom, she would sit on the observation deck and arrange these things around herself.   Nearby, Zatte was perched on a lounge chair.    The Dorlun had at least tried to follow Topsas' suggestion.    Clad in a black one-piece swimsuit, she had spent about thirty minutes sunbathing under the dimmer of Ristet's binary stars, but shortly after this she gave up and began running diagnostics on her weapons.    

"If you don't mind my asking," Dotz said, calling over to her.   "Why do you even have all those blasters?    I thought you could shoot ki like Luffa can."

"I can," Zatte said.    "But not nearly as well as a Saiyan, or most other martial artists.   Besides, I like to keep my options open.    Sometimes you can do things with a plasma rifle that you just can't do with a ki blast."    

"Well, there's no need for you to check them now," Dotz said.   "I still don't see any sign of major combat on this planet.    No Saiyans destroying cities or anything like that.   At least not anytime soon."

"Oh, I believe you, Dotz," Zatte said as she reassembled a sight on one of her pistols.    "You haven't steered us wrong yet, but I'm not used to knowing things like that in advance.    I guess I'm a creature of habit.    Can't take anything for granted.    Anyway, if you're so sure this planet won't get attacked, why are you so busy with all that stuff over there?"

"Well, um, I'm trying to refine my ability," Dotz said.    "I'm confident about he Ristet System, probably because... well, because I'm here.   The forecasts are usually clearer when I'm on-location.  But there's a lot of things I can't make out.    I still can't get a decent reading on Luffa, and the outcomes of her missions are fuzzy at best.    I thought I had a handle on her son's destiny, but it was all so muddled.   Your wife keeps telling me how important I am to the war effort, and how grateful she is that I'm here, but I can't even predict how the war will end, or who wins."

"Shoot, I can tell you that one.   We're going to win this war, Dotz," Zatte said confidently.  "You'll see."

"To be honest, I don't," Dotz replied.  "I can see glimpses of the future, enough to make a decent living as a fortuneteller, but I can't always see big picture stuff.  I know the next Saiyan attack won't come for several more hours, but I have no idea how it'll turn out, or what's happening on other Federation planets.  I'm sorry I can't be more useful than that."

"Don't be ridiculous, Dotz," Zatte said, "You've been a big help already.  The challenge with a space war like this is that it's tough to know where to deploy our forces.  Luffa's strong enough to beat the Jindan Saiyans, but if she doesn't know where they'll strike, it could take days to get her to the right place.  You've taken a lot of guesswork out of things.  Tactically speaking, that's huge."

"Oh.   So is that why you've been sticking so close to me lately?" Dotz asked.  "To keep me safe?"

Zatte nodded.  "My people believe in watching each other's backs.  I used to be a soldier, so it was my job to guard the others so they could support everyone else.  But besides that, I was hoping to be close by in case you had any visions about Luffa.  Until the communications are restored with the Fedender System, you're the only way I can keep tabs on her."

Dotz closed her eyes and gently raised her hands to chest height.  She took a few deep breaths, then mumbled quietly.

"I see her," she said warily, as if even commenting on the vision might chase it from her mind.  "She's alive.  I can tell that much."

"But you still can't see her future," Zatte said.  

"No, I can't.  I'm sorry about that.  Um... I know that made you upset before."

"No, I'm sorry.    I overreacted," Zatte said.  "My people has a saying: No news is good news.  I had to remind myself of that.  Just because you can't see what happens to Luffa doesn't mean it'll be bad."

"Is that why you don't want me to read your fortune?" Dotz asked.  "Are you worried I'll see something tragic?"

"No.  I mean...!   Well, yes."  Zatte shook her head and chuckled.  "It's... complicated.  I'm just not comfortable with the idea of peeking ahead at the end of the movie."

"But you're convinced about the outcome of the war," Dotz said.   "What makes you so sure?"

"Luffa," Zatte said.  "She's destined to accomplish great things, Dotz."

"Destined?  It sounds like you had a vision of your own once."

Zatte had been applying lithium grease to a rifle part when Dotz said this.   It startled her enough that she accidentally missed and sprayed it on her work gloves instead.   "I... I guess you could put it that way." she said, looking up at Dotz somewhat anxiously.   "I saw something.  I've been trying to interpret it ever since."

"Now I get it," Dotz said.  "Asking me to tell your fortune would be... well, it would be like questioning your own epiphany.    Even if I confirmed what you had seen, you would feel as though you didn't trust your own instincts."

"Uh...yeah," Zatte said, more than a little amazed.  "I didn't know how to put it into words before, but that's it exactly.    Wow, Luffa wasn't kidding.  You are good."

"In my line of work, you have learn to read people," Dotz said.  "It helps fill in the gaps when the omens don't make sense.  I think I envy you, Zatte.  I'm so used to having glimpses of the future that I've never had to put much faith in anything."

Zatte was about to respond to this, when she suddenly noticed something outside of the transparent dome that covered the deck.    At first, she thought it was the contrail of an aircraft, only brighter, like the ionization trail of a meteorite.    

"What is it?" Dotz asked, when she finally saw what had caught Zatte's attention.

"Could be a starship," Zatte said, "but if it's coming in for a landing, it should be coming here, towards the spaceport.   Unless it's out of control, or a hostile..."

"But... but that's impossible," Dotz said.   "If the Saiyans were going to invade this planet, I'm sure I would have foreseen it.   I might have gotten the hour or the number wrong, but I'm sure I would have seen something, unless..."

"Let's check it out," Zatte said.   She grabbed the beach robe off the chair and a holster belt containing the weapons she had already finished cleaning.    "You should probably come with me to the bridge.    It'll be safer there."

*******

The people of Ristet IV had orange, scaly skin and long muzzles.  As the planet's Supergovernor was currently on trial for conflicts of interest related to his vast toothpaste business holdings, the vice-Supergovernor had been the head-of-state for the past sixteen months.    He conducted his business in the Red Manor, located at Number 1, Supergovernor Street, Supergovernor City, postal code 00001.   In front of the Red Manor was a reflection pool, which was something of a tourist attraction to visitors to Supergovernor City.   It was now gone, replaced by a crater thirty feet wide, with a small pod resting at the bottom.   Moments after arriving, its lone occupant stepped out, marched into the Red Manor, and introduced himself to the vice-Supergovernor.    

"It's pretty simple stuff," he said to the vice-Supergovernor and his staff.   His skin was pale pink, and his unkempt hair hung from his scalp like the fronds on a tropical tree.  But what caught everyone's attention was the invader's long furry tail, which waved lazily from a hole in his black trunks as he spoke.    

"You all know what I am, and what I can do, and what I must have done to the fleet up there to get this far, right?    Well that's it, then.   I don't see why we should waste time fighting then.   I mean, I like fighting, sure, but your best defenses were topside, and I already took care of those.    Calling for help won't work either, thanks to the jamming device I left in orbit."

"What are your terms?" the vice-Supergovernor asked.   Diplomacy was not his strong suit, though in this situation, flowery speeches weren't going to change the situation.

"I like that," the invader said.   "Straight and to the point.    I have friends coming over, and they need a place to stay.   You will disable your defenses, you will allow them land here without a fight, and no one gets hurt.   Before you know it, we'll be on our way, but you'll get to keep all your fancy buildings and weapons when it's over."

One of the chiefs-of-staff spoke up.    "This planet is a Federation world,"  she protested.   "You're asking us to betray--"

The invader pointed his finger at her and fired a ki blast through her chest, killing her instantly.    "As of twenty minutes ago," he replied, "you people got cut off from the Federation, whether you wanted to or not.   All I'm asking you to do is look out for yourselves.    Once my guys are gone, you'll be free to patch things up with your buddies, assuming any of 'em are still around.   So what'll it be?   If you want to make a go of it, that's fine with me, but this little barnhouse of yours will be the first to go, along with everyone in it.   Now, do we have an understanding?"

The vice-Supergovernor looked down at his chief-of-staff's body and nodded mournfully.  

"Good," said the invader.    "First thing you can do for me is have someone put my ship in storage.   Some place with some high security.    I don't want any busybodies fooling around with it while I wait for my buddies."

"We'll put it in the highest-security facility we have," the vice-Supergovernor said.    "I can assure you, no one will even find it, much less tamper with it."

"Good boy," the invader said with a smile.  

*******

[11 March, 233 Before Age.   Ristet IV.]

"He's not a Saiyan," Zatte said.    

"How did you figure that out?"  Dotz asked.    

"Because I'm sitting inside his ship," Zatte explained. "He wiped most of the logs, he didn't bother to clear the internal sensors, which identify the most recent passenger as a felinoid species.    Felinoids have tails like Saiyans, so they sort of look like Saiyans, but they're not."

Zatte was somewhat obsessive over these kinds of matters.   Over the past 23 hours, she had tracked down the incoming ship to the Red Manor's front lawn, learned the ship had been removed by government agents, and traced it to a secret storage facility.   There were passcodes and sensor grids to overcome, but her ability to manipulate energy  made this a fairly simple task.   She was still wearing the swimsuit and beach robe from when she had first spotted the ship.   Changing clothes had seemed like a luxury she couldn't afford, and so she hadn't bothered.  

Someone, probably the felinoid, had done something to jam planetwide communications, but this apparently only applied to off-world communications.    With the star-yacht on the planet's surface, she could read Dotz just fine on her earpiece.  

"Well, could he have had a felinoid on board with him?" Dotz suggested.

Zatte smiled at the thought.    "You wouldn't say that if you were here," she replied.    This is definitely a one-seater.   It looks more like an escape pod with a stardrive built onto it.   When this is over, I might want to take this baby with us.    Luffa could get some use out of a little ship like this."

"Um, I don't really understand then," Dotz said.   "Why would someone try to impersonate a Saiyan like this?    Especially in a war with Saiyans on both sides?"

"He's probably an opportunist," Zatte said.   "Luffa's dealt with these types before.   They show up on a planet, and shake down the population for whatever they can get, and the planet's leaders cooperate just to get rid of them.    A lot of actual Saiyans pull this trick, but plenty of other aliens do it too, anyone strong enough to blow up buildings and cities with their ki energy.    He may only be using the war as a cover.    He can play at being a Saiyan and trick his victims into thinking he's got backup when he really doesn't.   That's probably why the Federation hasn't stepped in yet.   They may think he's with the cult, and they don't know what the situation on the ground is."

"But you can shut off his jammer and tell them what's really going on, right?" Dotz asked.  

"Afraid not," Zatte said.   "I was hoping he had some kind of controller for it on his ship, but I can't find anything like that.    I could try using his navigational computer to backtrack his flight path, maybe find out where he left it, but if he was smart, his gadget has thrusters and a cloaking device."

"Oh!   But you could take his ship into orbit, outside the range of the jamming device!" Dotz suggested.   "Then you could summon the fleet that way!"

"No.   If he finds out, I'll be a sitting duck, or he might get desperate enough to hurt people on the surface.   Besides, Luffa's forces are stretched thin enough already.   I'd rather tackle this guy by myself, save them the trouble."

"By yourself?   But... but how?" Dotz asked.  

"I haven't worked that out yet," Zatte said.   She opened the hatch on the pod and lifted herself out of it, only to spot a guard making his rounds.    Normally, her powers made this a simple matter, as she could simply warp light around herself to become effectively invisible.   This time, however, she had to deal with the ship, and make certain the hatch was closed before the guard could happen to notice.   While she struggled to close it as quickly and quietly as possible, Dotz continued to speak into her ear.  

"It's just... I didn't even see any of this coming," she said.   "If there's going to be major combat on this planet, and soon, then I have no idea how it will turn out.   And I haven't read your fortune either, so if you go to face him, then... well,  anything could happen.   You might die!"

There was an audible clack as Zatte finished closing the hatch, one that she couldn't avoid, and one that the guard couldn't help but overhear.    Luckily, the acoustics of the storehouse seemed to be in her favor, and the guard wandered off in a different direction.    If he ever came back to check the pod, Zatte would be long gone.    

"Anything's possible," Zatte whispered as she crawled through the metal racks.    Upon reaching the skylight she had used to gain entry, she slipped inside and closed it behind her, then leaped down from the roof and made her way on foot to an airbike she had stowed in the bushes.    "Personally, I like my chances.   It's a risk, but an acceptable one."

"But if something goes wrong--"

"It won't," Zatte said.   "I'm sure of it, just like I'm sure we'll win the war."

"Oh."  

Zatte powered up the bike and sped along a dirt road.   Once she was certain that she was on a public highway, she dropped the invisibility effect she had used and took a roundabout path back to the spaceport.  

Why can't you believe?" Zatte asked.  "You told me before that your power can't foresee everything."

"Because even the things I do see are uncertain," Dotz said.  "I know Luffa's alive--for the moment--but not much else.  She could be fighting for her life right now, or maybe the battle's already over.   I find it's best to react to situations as they happen.   Let things play out and gather more information."

"Why did you join us?"  Zatte asked.  "Don't get me wrong, I'm glad to have you on board, but you've got no obligations here."

"I had a vision that someone like Luffa would help me, not long before she showed up to bring me out of the coma I was in.  I also knew that my powers would begin to change around the same time that happened.  I'm... evolving.  I don't know how else to put it.  I can't see into Luffa's future, for whatever reason.  I think that might he a sign.  Either way, she helped me once, and she might help me again.  And since I can't predict whether or not she can help me, I'll...um... have to stay nearby and find out the old fashioned way."

"Okay, but is that worth riding out a war?" Zatte asked.

"Uh... maybe not, but I have to find out.  For you, it's a matter of faith.  A foregone conclusion.  For me, it's a mystery."

"Huh.    Well, I'll be back at the ship in about half an hour.    Maybe I can take some of the mystery out of how to take this felinoid down."

*******

At the spaceport's medical facility, Dr. Topsas was poring over data on comparative Saiyan biology.   There was very little useful information on Saiyan-specific medicine, as so few Saiyans bothered to seek treatment.     Much of what Topsas knew was self-taught, or accomplished through his own requests, such as the scans conducted on Bigreen shortly after Luffa first transformed into a Super Saiyan.

He had begun his research on Ristet IV by asking a fairly simple question about feet.    Luffa's left foot had been run through with a beam of ki energy, and this had caused some substantial tendon damage.   Topsas had stitched her back together, but his preference would have been for Luffa to rest and let the wound heal.    As it was, she simply had no time for this.   The battle in the Fedender System was simply too critical.    

"They'll die if I don't get over there, Doc," she had said to him before leaving.    "What kind of a Super Saiyan would I be if I just sat around here taking it easy?"

"The healthy kind," was probably what he had said to her in reply, but her words had left a greater impression on him than he had let on, for they reminded him of an expression from his own culture.    His species was of an arachnoid biology, possessing eight limbs, each terminating with a hand, and eight eyes, positioned about the head in such a way as to see in virtually any direction.   In his youth, he had asked his pastor why they had so many more eyes and limbs than other beings.    At that age, Topsas had already become interested in vertebrate biology, and the bipedal anatomy that often accompanied it.    What strange creatures they were, to manage with only two eyes and two legs and two hands.    

His pastor had explained that their people had been blessed with extra limbs and eyes, so that they would always be able to see those in need, and lend a hand to those who needed it.    This, more than anything, was what had inspired him to become a physician.  But it had always been a matter of helping the less fortunate.   His patients were sick, injured beings in need of his care, and once he had healed them, his work was done.     He had always thought that he was drawn to Luffa because she needed more care than most; more than she was willing to admit.  

But over time, he had begun to realize that it was more than that.    In her own way, Luffa had taken on his brand of charity, and he began to see that there was more at stake than simply keeping her healthy.    Kept in sickbay, and allowed to recover in full, Luffa could save no one but herself.   In the field, she could save thousands, or even millions.    Everything hinged on how quickly Dr. Topsas could get her back in action.    

He had always loathed this aspect of sports medicine, which prioritized schedules and purses over the health of the athlete.    It encouraged risk taking and corner-cutting in the name of getting a warm body into the game.    But now the schedule was a war, and the purse was innocent lives.    He knew how to heal her, but that wasn't enough anymore.    He had to find a way to do even better.  

And so, his original query had transformed into a wider search for other treatments.     He began to stray into the unorthodox, the experimental, the techniques and prescriptions that he never would have considered before, because he lacked the confidence in his own ability to administer them.     And his response to the challenge was always that he would have to rise to the occasion.    If a better doctor was what the galaxy needed now, then he would do all that he could to become one.    He had, after all, too many eyes and too many hands not to try.

*******

While Topsas worked, his absence went mostly unnoticed by his shipmates, who assumed he was enjoying a much-needed day off.   Zatte saw no way the doctor could help, and she preferred not to burden him with this latest crisis.    Whoever this invader was, she was at least grateful to the felinoid for keeping a low profile.  

She now stood in the conference room of the ship, eating a bowl of cereal as she tweaked a holographic model of a city block.    On one particular building, a pair of fourth-story windows were ringed with glowing red rectangles.   Thin beams of green light extended out from these windows and pointed to various other buildings in the vicinity.

She was still dressed in the black swimsuit, beach robe, gloves and boots she had been wearing before.    Her face was somewhat drawn from lack of sleep, and her hair was messier, but otherwise she looked essentially the same as when this had all begun.

"Up here would be the best spot," Zatte said, pointing her spoon at a tall building on the edge of the hologram.   "The altitude, the distance from the target, it's perfect.    I could get off three or four shots and still get out of there before he'd ever find me.   The only problem is the angle."

She put the spoon back in the bowl and tapped a few keys on the table's computer console, which displayed an image over the holographic city.   It was the view from a telescopic sight, which showed the very edge of a window.

"His hotel room has two windows and I can only line up with one of them from up there.   And I had to do some pretty daring stuff with some climbing gear to make that work.   On top of that, I'd need him to be standing right next to the window to hit a vital area."

"What if something happened outside?" Dotz suggested.   "You could stage a diversion, something big enough to make him look outside to see what it was."  

"Maybe, but it'd all be for nothing if he looks out of the other window that I can't hit," Zatte said with a sigh.    "And it's not like we could just try again until it works.   Sooner or later, he'd get suspicious, or he might just stop taking the bait.    I thought about sabotaging his place, maybe screw up the plumbing enough that he'd get fed up and move to another room, but I don't want to drag things out this long.   I really just want to climb up there and take the shot."

She set down her bowl with more force than she intended, then dropped into one of the executive chairs with a frustrated groan.     "You know," Dotz said, "I'm just impressed that you can hit anything from that far away."   She got up from her seat, carefully holding the folds of her purple garments so as not to disturb the cards and crystals she had laid on the table, and pointed at the thread of green light that represented Zatte's proposed line of fire.   "I mean, this is over two miles, isn't it?"

"Nearly three," Zatte said.   "I've made longer shots than that without a problem.    It's just a matter of taking the wind into account, keeping a steady hand.    I had to get used to using the scope with my left eye, but that didn't take long."

"Your eye," Dotz said.  "You lost it in a battle, didn't you?"

"That's right," Zatte said.  "Was that a psychic reading, or simple deduction?"

"Well, deduction," Dotz said.  "You said you were a soldier, and you seem pretty stubborn in your own way.  Did you want me to divine something more than that?"

"Sure, why not?" Zatte said.   "I just need to get my mind off of this for a while."

"I'll need to see your eyepatch," Dotz said.  "If that's all right."

Zatte hesitated, then turned away and removed it from her face.  She handed it to Dotz, but only after making sure to conceal her injured eye with her free hand.

"I only take it off when I'm alone, or with Luffa," Zatte said.  It's a personal thing."

"I understand," Dotz said.   She cradled the patch in her hands for a moment, and made an intrigued noise as she closed her eyes.  "You didn't think she was coming back that day," Dotz said.  "When the shrapnel hit you in the face, you thought you were going to die, and that you'd never see her again."

Zatte didn't know how to respond to this.  She tensed the hand she was holding over her sightless prosthetic eye.

"But you didn't die, and then she came back to fight alongside you.  When you pray, you thank Providence for allowing you to keep one eye so you could see her return that day."

"That's... H-how?  I never told anyone that.  Luffa doesn't even know, unless she picked it up from me telepathically, but we don't..."

"You still feel it in your skull sometimes," Dotz went on.  "Um, your eye, that is.   Sometimes, it's like you never lost it, and it's still there, aching a little."

"Okay, I think I want that back,"  Zatte said.  "This is getting a little too personal."

"Sorry," Dotz said.   As she slid the patch across the table, she paused to look at the hologram.   "Um...What are these other green lines?" she asked.  

"Oh, those," Zatte said.   "I tried finding better angles to shoot from, but they're all too close to the target."

"Isn't that a good thing?" Dotz asked.  "I don't know a lot about guns, but..."

Zatte straightened her eyepatch and checked her hair to make sure it was free of the strap.   "It would be, but the shot from those points isn't a whole lot better than the one I want," she explained.    So the difficulty would be lower, but there's still a good chance that I miss, and then he comes barrelling out of the window to find the shooter."   She pointed at the far edge of the map.   "If I'm shooting from there, and I miss, it's not as big a deal, because I'd have time to get away and hide.   But from over here--"   Now she pointed at a closer position, on the roof of a department store.    "--he'd be on me in seconds."

"But you can make yourself invisible," Dotz said.   "And you can mask your ki."  

"Sure, but he could set off an explosion big enough to catch me before that would do me any good," Zatte explained.    "I don't know exactly how strong he is, but I got a decent idea when I tracked him down to his place.   He's definitely strong enough that I can't afford any mistakes.   One shot is all I get.    If it weren't for these damn windows!"

"Well, why not turn part of the wall invisible?" Dotz suggested.  "You can do that too, can't you?"

"It's not quite that simple," Zatte said.   She lifted her spoon and it slowly began to vanish from sight.    "What I'm doing here is bending light waves around an object.    The spoon is unchanged, but you can't see it because I'm not allowing light to bounce off of it and into your eyes."   She then held up her free hand and placed it behind the spoon.    "You can see my hand because light is bouncing off of that, and then I warp that light around the spoon and into your eyes.    But I can't make a section of the bulkhead invisible, because I'd have to bend light from the other side and bring it into this cabin, and there's no pathway for me to do that, unless you open the door or something."

"Oh, I see," Dotz said.    

"I could use the windows on the apartment as an opening," Zatte went on, but even so, I'd have to be pretty close to make it work.   Less than a hundred feet, I think.    I might as well knock on the door and shoot him when he answers it."

"Well, why not try that?" Dotz asked.   She stood up and pointed at the building across from the apartment.  "Not... not knocking on his door, I mean.   But you could set up here, and make part of his wall invisible, and then you couldn't miss."

"Dotz," Zatte said, "he'll notice me right away.   As soon as he looks up and sees a hole in his wall, he'll know something's up before I even get a chance to aim."

"He might not look up," Dotz said.    "You could make a small hole, just big enough to see through."

Zatte took a deep breath and put her hands behind her head  as she leaned back in the chair.   "It's too risky.   I mean, if he's facing away from me, there's no problem at all.   At that range the shot becomes child's play, sure.   But if he's facing the wall, and he's already on edge..."

"Oh, but I don't think he is," Dotz said.   "He snuck into a war zone, past a fleet, and then he bluffed his way into conquering this planet.    Right now, he's probably thinking he doesn't need to worry about anything.    He's already won."

"Is that a prophecy?" Zatte asked.    

"Call it a hunch," Dotz said.   "It's just that... if he were worried, he wouldn't be hiding in plain sight like this, would he?   He thinks he's holding all the cards.    The last thing he expects is someone like you to shoot him.    Besides, I have... well, I suppose I have faith in you.   You know your skills, and you believe this is worth doing.   Just like you believe Luffa will win this war."

Zatte leaned forward in her chair and looked at Dotz for at least a minute.      

"You're right," she finally said.   "I have to do this, and I need to do it soon.    It's risky, but it'll only be riskier if I wait.   If Providence has decided that I should fail, then there's nothing I can do about it."  

She stood up from her chair, and then Dotz did the same.    "I'll go with you," she offered, but Zatte gestured for her to sit.  

"No, I can't risk losing both of us," she said.   "And if something does go wrong, I need you to fill in the others on what happened.   But I appreciate the offer."  

"At least let me read your fortune," Dotz said.   "I might be able to tell you if this will work or not."

"Thanks, but no," Zatte said.   "But I'll tell you what.   If I make it back, I'll tell you all about the vision I had.    If I'm going to take a chance, we may as well make this interesting, right?   A little side-bet won't hurt."

Dotz smiled, but not as cheerfully as she might have liked.    She was confident that this plan would work, and it seemed that Zatte believed in it too, but she still felt responsible for whatever came next, as if she had signed the young woman's death warrant.    

But there had been no fear in Zatte's eye when she turned and left for her mission.   Dotz had gathered this much just from handling the eyepatch.   With past clients, such objects often carried signs of regret, or bitterness, or repressed trauma.     Zatte's eyepatch had traces of these, to be sure, but they were overshadowed by a sense of duty and honor, and the notion that her physical loss served a higher purpose.   Dotz didn't know if there was any truth to this, but it didn't seem to matter.    Zatte believed it, and for now, that was enough.  

And so, when Zatte returned a few hours later, alive and unhurt, holding a bottle of spirits to celebrate her successful hit, Dotz was deeply relieved, but not altogether surprised.  

NEXT: ...To She Who Waits.

[honmakurara]

6nin Eito, musically speaking

Disclaimer: this is a post based merely upon my own impressions after Gr8est August cons in Osaka, so please take it as it is ;)

I think I'm not the only one who actually wonders how it would/will be hearing 'old' Eito songs sung by 6 people instead of 7. It's different for sure, because of course it's not just a matter of assigning or splitting Subaru's lines here and there. But it's honestly way better than I thought, even if you can hear that they will probably need some other time to adjust fully to the whole thing. Honestly speaking, who wouldn't?

I also wondered whether the front men would leave the 'Subaru spot' empty between Maru and Ryo or would rearrange it... they did. Now it's 3+3, with Ryo standing in the center, right before Ohkura's drums. Also, each of them follows its own pace on music, hence a few flaws here and there that, I'm sure, will disappear little by little with time.

Ryo might have cried his sorrow and frustration during LIFE~me no mae no mukou e they last performed live with Subaru at Kanjam, but he's currently a very interesting newborn leader in training and he's just so. damn. good. and. cool. He's as awkward as always during initial/final speeches, but he's so genuinely and brutally honest with himself, with members and with eighters, that I cannot help being so fond of this side of him, always. His voice is a certainty, anyway. It's strong and clear, very beautiful and very powerful, soft and caring and sexy and hoarse when required. I felt it close to perfection almost. Of all members, so far he might be the only one with zero flaws when singing and playing his guitars (apart from the little cute moment when he was due to sing something -I guess some short Subaru's part-, and he kinda forgot he had to and he was caught off-guard on big screen with the cutest face ever 'oh shit, was it my turn?' XD). Plus, give him a guitar and he won't be able to stay still on stage anymore. He walked around very often when playing, he even went playing behind Ohkura's drums spot when the stage moved forward during band session (Jukebox-like, if you remember) or to the lateral edges of the main stage. I've never seen him smile and having fun around like he's done during this tour, not even last year during JAM. He seemed very dedicated last year, while this year you feel like he wanna embrace every single eighter and tell them they're gonna be okay because they're taking care and rocking the best out of them, for the fans. I'd dare say Ryo is 'ready', and Subaru probably realized this way long before him.

Had he not been suffering with pain for too long already, Yasu would be exactly at Ryo's level now. Mind, I'm not saying he's not, for you can tell there's almost no difference in skills between the two of them. It's just with Yasu being on semi-hiatus these last months, I guess he also had very little time to catch up with music rehearsals. In my opinion his voice isn't as smooth as Subaru's yet, but he's honestly improved a lot during the last years (we got to hear a lot more of both of him and Maru than in the past, in so many songs) and I reckon he could seriously outshine Ryo, with time. He looks like a little hurricane. In Osaka he was finally able to move slightly more than before, it seems, and he showed us that by being a totall badass with his guitar. He didn't refrain from rocking at his hardest, which is so damn good to see and to hear. Also, he's totally not afraid nor scared of singing Subaru's most infamous and high-pitched lines (like in Omoidama, but not only), which is exactly what we do all need to move forward without forgetting anything of the past. What else can I say? He already gave us proof of what it means being strong-willed, but this time, he's being on a totally another level of determination and, gosh. I'm so proud of him. I'm also very glad he chose Watashi Kagami as his solo song for the Gr8est tour. It's so perfect in every possible sense, so beautiful and so moving.

Maru is the one who, together with Yasu, was assigned to sing most of Subaru's vocal parts with very high tones. Unlike Yasu, though, it sems like he's a bit 'afraid' of the task/legacy he's been given. He's a pro at bass and we saw it once again this year; he's also very good at singing, as usual. I've always been persuaded that Maru probably has the most versatile of voices among Eito, he's capable of doing perfectly with different tones and music styles even though we probably don't notice it enough. However, whenever he sang during Gr8est, I felt like Subaru's absence hit him more than 'expected'. I think he might just need to gain a little more confidence in himself and refine his vocal extension just slightly here and there, because for sure he's already got all the vocal skills required to be a very good Subaru's offspring. I just hope he can let himself go very naturally and very freely, just like he does when doing gags XD

I cannot speak for Sapporo, Nagoya and the venues that are due to come, but in Osaka, Ohkura's voice was not okay. I don't know the reason why exactly, but it seems he's been having longtime problems with his throat for a few months already, and knowing him... well, tbh I cannot help but worry a bit. I really hope everything's okay with him, especially because he tends to worry about others (read: Yasu & members) and pretend everything's okay with himself even when it's not. He couldn't manage to sing most of his highest tones, which to me is a pity because I totally love his crystal clear and melodic voice (I honestly fell for his voice first, long ago...) and, well, I have to say TORN and BJ are not the same without him being at his best ç_ç (I am also very very very much in love with the lines he sings in BJ). I'm not blaming him in any way, though... I'm just so proud. And this does not mean he offered a lazy or poor performance, quite the contrary. Despite the sore throat, he never missed a line and even resolved in lowering the key enough for him to sing every single word till the very end. I could really feel he wanted to miss no word and no sentence at all. He put his everything in everything he sang, he was energetic and very genki, smiling all the time, clenching fists when the meaning of some song was too deep to let go, spreading his long arms as if to embrace the whole dome during Omoidama and so on. So, what he lacked in voice, he put it as strength on stage, and when drumming. Just like Ryo, I've never seen him drum this strongly and powerfully before, not even last year during JAM. You could totally hear the sound of his drums stand over the instruments of every other member, and I was almost bewildered at what I was hearing. You could tell I'm biased saying this and I won't say I am not, but a friend of mine who attended the con and is totally NOT Ohkura biased told me the very same thing when we re-united after the con. We had totally different seatings also, yet we shared the very same impression about Ohkura's drumming. Which is just... freakingly impressive. I swear. He was the only one who performed sleeveless during band session and that's for the best, because when hitting his sticks on drums he looked like he was, I don't know, going to build the new Kanjani8 out of his determination only, almost. Which is so good, but hopefully, he's not alone in this. His speeches were also very long and pretty impressive. He's the youngest, but it's as if he's walked longer and faster in order to keep up with his bandmates, hence gaining some personal and professional maturity I'm very very very very proud of.

Yoko and Hina are some other good certainty. They've never stood out for their musical ability, but no one ever questioned  Shingo's at his keyboard either, luckily. One of Hina's arm was raised up to cheer on Eighters more often than not, just like he did last year and at Metrock. Yoko was slightly nervous when he performed with his trumpet, as if it was his first time, but vocally speaking he showed no tremor at all, even if maybe he'll need some time in order not to be so shy when singing alone. Honestly, I do really love Yoko's voice, and I'd love to hear him even more and being more confident about himself in the future. He took up his trumpet just for Eito's sake after all, and he would have never done nor made it in any other group but this, because they love each other. Bless Eito always. I think that Yokohina got to sing together some Subaru part... I cannot remember when or how exactly (maybe I am wrong?) but it was very cute to hear.

If Metrock and JAM showed us how much Kanjani8 have improved as a band, Gr8est does confirm us that musically speaking they're good at it and pretty balanced even with six members, even with re-arrangement of so many songs having been done in such a tight schedule and harsh conditions. Given these premises, I look forward to see what the future will bring us with their next works; 'Koko ni' as their first new single as 'new group' already proves they're capable of handling a lot. I have faith they can manage even more. Hearing them when performing live is a blessing and it seriously makes you think that no matter the hardships, they can overcome everything and we can, as well; this is basically unchanged from before and I'm so happy that, among the setlist, LIFE is there. The first song of their 'band way' back in 2010, the last one they performed together with Subaru, the one whose lyrics talk so much about Eito's story, the very same one that will always be their own song, more than any other one. Oh no, it's not over yet ♥

[tisthenightofthewitch]

German interview with Tobias.

Crime scene Berlin. Thursday, June 7th. Local time: 1:30 pm, a young (cough, cough) Stormbringer editor sits in front of a high-end hotel and after four hours of sleep drinks his eighth coffee black and is slightly nervous.

For several reasons: 1. I appreciate GHOST very much. For years, I find the band not only because of their music, but also because of their live shows and all the trappings awesome. What if Tobias Forge is a good contemporary? A disgusting? 2. Due to my "normal" work I have not spoken a word of English for several months - will the interview by the language barrier be a fiasco? 3. Are my questions interesting anyway, or will Mr. Forge fall asleep at the interview, since he has already answered such questions 666x? 4. If the interview takes place at all - I have been guaranteed 20 minutes, but GHOST is the band of the hour and constantly come to any "important" magazines, as well as radio and TV stations. 5. It's my first interview with a really big band.

Finally, the German promoter comes and brings me to the interview room. I'm waiting and I think, "Dude, you've been through so many unsafe things, you can do it ...". The promoter takes me to a bigger room and lo and behold - Tobias Forge is incredibly friendly, offers me something to drink and also volunteers his place so I can hook both recorders to power (I'll never rely on batteries again!) ,

As he sits there, I would never have imagined the mastermind. Although I knew photos from the Internet, I have never heard or heard him speak without a mask.

He looks much younger than he says according to information and seems to me very straight and disciplined. But now and then the rascal boy comes out of it.

First of all, I have to congratulate for the new album. It really has become a masterpiece.

Thank you very much!

It seems like this release will take you to the next level of success. You can see it in the social media channels, as more and more people react to you, the tour in the US is going very well and the media are turning over with hymnic reviews to the new album. Likewise, you now have eight musicians on stage and can really play everything live. So it works for you.

95% are live now! Except for the intros and outros. It feels very organic, which is a huge boost to the past. I always wanted to have it like that, but, you know, sometimes you just do not have enough possibilities for "manpower" or "womanpower".

So are you very happy with the situation right now?

Very happy with the situation? Yes, and very satisfied at the moment.

We've just started the tour, upgraded many things, the show is better than ever, but it's still a work process.

The tour in the US is technically a "warm up" tour. Between now and the concert in Austria in .... (sorry, may not yet be revealed) is still a bunch improved. People who read the interview do not know yet what else is going to happen. Everything is still in my head. So, wherever it all starts, but I'm, frankly, never completely satisfied. Everything we've done so far sometimes feels like a mistake - like a B version of what I had in my head.

Supposedly, you play most of the instruments on the albums themselves.

When I write a song, I also write all the instruments. For example, I do not just write the guitar part and then have a drummer come in to drum in his part, as he thinks it's good for the song. I write everything.

BUT I can not play a saxophone for example. I can hum the melody - I can hum the sax solo, but I need someone who can play it. I've already composed songs on the piano, I play a bit of piano, but it's better I compose and someone comes into the studio who can really play piano well.

So you have all the music in your head and tell people how to play their part?

Likewise, the piano player on the album is a prodigy, for example. The song is written - eg "pro memoria" - I play him the demo, how his part should sound and he refines it.

It's like a dialogue writer in a movie - I write what the actor should say, what I want to express - a lousy actor makes a very bad dialogue, a good actor something wonderful.

If you were to play the guitar for my music - I can tell you exactly how to play it and decide whether it fits or not, as I can play the guitar myself. Not at the piano - that's the big difference. That's why I recorded all the guitar part and bass parts on the new album, because I wanted the parts exactly as I had in mind.

So you have the entire album in your head before you go to the studio. But when you're in the studio, is there a lot of change?

It's like a movie .... (thinks) .... Many directors shoot a scene and when they look at them they often think "OK, I should change something here and there". And that's how I work when I record pre-production and recordings. If I do not like something that much, I change it. There is nothing done until it is done.

You've already played some new songs from the new album on the US tour. People did not know the songs yet. How were the reactions for example with the saxophone solo? Was it more like "Hey, great" or "what the hell is that supposed to be?"

Generally speaking, I would say that it was one of the highlights.

I remember hearing the album for the first time in the gym during practice and when the sax solo came and I was really cheering. It was a real "wow" effect. It was also a breaking down of walls that the metal police set up "You can not, and you can not do that" - a big "fuck 'em all" - this part fits in perfectly with the song. "

It's unbelievable what you can do with a saxophone (laughs)

Rules are there to be broken. That's rock n roll! It's funny how puristic the metal community is sometimes. Not all are like that, but some show up, like frustrated old men. People who say "that's how it is and not otherwise!"

It's like the masons. The boss says "So and so does the wall plastered. And no way different. "Look, I can plaster the wall with a big pile of shit. It may not look so good, but the wall is plastered.

It's funny, like rock n roll with all its categories, heavy metal, speed metal, thrash, whatever - it always had something to do with rebellion, breaking out of the status quo. That's rock n roll.

Funny as a sax solo can be a revolutionary thing. It makes the song really good and it really is one of the best moments of our live shows.

So you get the best reactions on this part of the show?

This part makes everyone smile, cheer, clap. That is the point.

I knew the A-side on the album was going to be heavy and it took a moment for people to laugh and exhale.

And then they put the B-side - "where are we?" - and then comes "dance maccabre". The sax part is a cleansing part.

Do you like Shushi?

Sometimes

It's the same effect as when you eat ginger in between shushi food. He cleanses the taste buds. You feel fresh again.

When you started up with GHOST, did you have a concrete vision, a master plan, how everything should go, or did many things happen by accident?

Both - it's like writing an album. You can not plan - you can not plan every detail. I think one of my strengths as a band leader or director of the whole is that I can work with what I have, what I get.

I can use everything to my advantage. The situation now .... I could not imagine anything like that ten years ago.

If I had told someone about my plans to be friends with METALLICA, for example, people would have stared at me like an idiot. You know, many things have happened ....

For example ... Over the years I have met quite a few bands. And I always had the clear agenda .... (he hesitates) You know "the devils blood". Selim and I were friends (he seems very serious and depressed now) . In 2010 they were still active and just on their rise - and we were also in this wave. Selim was sometimes very, very strict in his way - "I want it that way, I want it that way ..."

I am also very strict in my life - but there was a clear difference between Selim and me. I always said "we only want to play in the dark". In my imagination, in my mind GHOST always play in the dark. Just! And I still believe in it.

But the only way to get there is to be ready to play on the daytime list. And we always argued and argued "you should not perform at festivals a day. It's a sell-out of you ... .. "

But I thought "if we are not ready to play at festivals in the afternoon, we will never play in the dark. "We will never headlining Wacken, or Nova Rock." You MUST first play in the light to get there. It's like gravity.

It was a small detour of my original plan to play only in the dark. But you have to accept something like that. Like a general on the battlefield. You can not plan every part of a battle, you align your pace with what your opponent does. Do you see my point?

This is executive. This is strategy that you are able to change your plans depending on the situation. But you stay or are on your planned path. Yes, still on my way. Like "I want my country so big, or soooo big and if I just conquer a hill for the beginning - Fine"

THAT was the big difference between Selim and me. And I think many people think similarly.

I have NEVER strayed from my path.

That is something very important. School of Rock.

Last question: When you read fairy tales to your children in the evening and there comes the evil monster who kidnaps the beautiful princess, there is cheered and raged at your home and then when the beautiful, radiant hero shows up and frees the princess and kills the monster - will then shouted "Buh"?

(laughs) No, no. It's normal for us. They do not boo when the hero wins. For example, I hate "Omen III". The end is terrible.

For three films they showed that the devil should be the winner and then God's hand comes down and puts an end to the evil. WAAASSS ???? What a fucking joke!

It's ... (laughs again) We rejoice and boo in the same places as "normal" people in Western civilization.

We thank you for the interview

In the evening, an acoustic session of GHOST with subsequent autograph session is planned, but unfortunately it can not take place because all the paraphernalia have got stuck in Paris.

Master Forge wants to save the evening and presents himself UNMASKIERT on the stage and answered patiently and with a lot of humor the questions of the moderator and the fans.

Then he leaves ALL ANY fans in his wardrobe and gives autographs.

All thumbs up for this action.

May GHOST still be so great and Hr. Forge allegedly an egomaniac - on that day was absolutely nothing to notice and I personally found this action more than terrific.

Source

[secretsofthemasquerade]

Nighthawks’s Kickstarter and interview with author

Hey guys, you might have seen this kickstarter over the past month, as its approaching its deadline I thought I’d interview the main dude for you guys :)

I played the demo that’s available, which isn’t fully representative of the story’s debth (as it was meant to be just a small visual fiction), which displays great attention to art, great voice acting, and quite nicely written characters and unique starting situation.

Overall I really love the concept and I’d like to see this game become a reality, we need down-to-earth games even if they’re not labelled WoD :p

Here’s the link to the kickstarter. You can get the game for just 20 bucks ^^ HURRY though, it ends in FIVE DAYS.

The author, Richard Cobbett, has done lots of work in the past, and the publisher is a solid one too (the publisher’s TechnoBabylon is just life, and Sunless Sea/Skies were made by this author), it’s not his first rodeo and he’s, as he put it in the discord server: “I'm writer, designer, programmer, marketing person, video compositer, UI engineer, community manager and basically everything not involving drawing“. His wording isn’t pretentiously all over the place and “darker than thou”, but it has the right amount of work from hat I could see from the screenshots and the demo. 

So here goes! Interview under the cut!

“Who are you, apart from what we know from the Kickstarter?”

I’m Richard Cobbett, and if you know me from anything it’s probably about 20 years of games journalism, including things like PC Gamer’s “Crap Shoot” column and Rock Paper Shotgun’s “The RPG Scrollbars”, or my work on Sunless Sea/Sunless Skies. But I’ve done quite a lot more than that, including the mobile adventure Silent Streets and the space game The Long Journey Home.

So, this is far from my first rodeo. I love cats, hate spiders, and once made a pitch to White Wolf that included the secret goal of making my home town of York a Tremere stronghold. I am entirely serious about this.

“In a few words, for a VtM Audience, what is the premise of Nighthawks' world?”

Vampires exist. You know this, because you’re one of them. But unlike the World of Darkness, the Masquerade has failed. You’ve been exposed, and the world is trying to figure out where to go next. You begin as a penniless vampire in a shitty hotel in the cheapest part of a dying town, and Nighthawks charts your rise from rags to riches as you become part of the new politics.

Things are of course very different from WoD, both to avoid treading on White Wolf’s paws and because of course I wanted the fun of creating my own setting! For starters, Nighthawks is a bit lighter in tone, and more rooted in the problematic elements of being a vampire. Blood tastes foul, being bitten hurts, and the world is at best incredibly suspicious and at worst outright hates you.

Also, vampires don’t secretly run the world. They’re more like cats, in that they’re fiercely individualistic and territorial, with many of them not even having historically known that there were others like them. There’s a few groups here and there that have had some historical sway in the world, such as the Eternal Dynasties that latched onto the great courts of Europe like parasites, and a handful of aristocrats who spread with British colonialism to find Heirs to further refine their bloodlines, but they’re very much in the minority.

The closest equivalent to the Masquerade is that some - not most, though you’re one of the lucky ones - have powers. These are primarily mental rather than breathing fire and turning into bats and so on, like Mesmerise or Corpse-Talking or copying the face of a human for a brief period. Vampire society is doing its best to hide the existence of these for fairly obvious reasons - they’re already distrusted enough! They’re also not skills to just spam at problems, but very expensive aces-in-the-hole to deploy very carefully.

There’s a lot more to say and discover about the world, but in short, it’s something that I think Vampire fans will both enjoy for the parts of the atmosphere it shares, and love exploring for all the cool ways that it tries something a bit different. It’s a game rooted in the social side of vampire life, where a dinner party can be more dangerous than any back-alley rumble, and one where you get to be a direct part of the big decisions that define what it means to be a vampire, versus showing up five hundred years after the Convention of Thorns or whatever already laid out how things work.

It’s also a game designed to let you play whatever character you want - both in terms of things like sexuality and gender, and just background. You’re not restricted to just being JC Denton with fangs. If you want a character who was, say, a hairdresser in their mortal life and who has never been in a fight, that’s just fine. Or, of course, you can be a bruiser. Everyone deserves the chance to be a badass vampire, and a badass vampire that fully represents them.

Hmm. That was quite a few words, wasn’t it? Sorry. I get excited!

“What are its mechanims and gameplay like? How long do you think it will take for an average player to beat the full game?”

We’re looking at around 15-20 hours for a playthrough, with a ton of replayability. Lots of choices, differences in character builds, cool things to discover… the lot. We’re primarily using text because it allows us to really flesh out the world and add as many stories as possible.

Mechanically, it’s a mix of life-simulation and RPG. It resembles games like Sunless Sea, in that most options are chosen from a list, alongside some gorgeous 4K graphics and voice acting. However, under that is a fierce system of RPG options and life simulation. Every click is a tick of the clock, as you explore the city, improve your character, and get back to safety before sunrise. Rather than the standard critical path of quests, the design is based around Objectives. In the first act, the simplest, your main goal is pretty much just making sure you can pay your hotel room bill. How you go about that is up to you, whether it’s hunting, taking on assignments, investigating rumours and so on. Later chapters of course get more complicated as you have to balance basic survival with dealing with crooked cops and politics.

I’ve posted a lot about the game design and where we’re going with it all in the Kickstarter Updates. Worth checking out! I think V:TM fans will really like it.

“What got you into vampire fiction and vampire games? Why make a game with those themes?”

Firstly, urban fantasy is awesome and it’s depressing that we see so little of it in gaming. Vampires specifically intrigue me as a designer because they offer so many mechanical opportunities - blood, sunlight, etc - and as a writer for the constant dichotomy between power fantasy and personal nightmare.

Nighthawks is very much rooted in exploring that, with some characters who find their undeath a curse, others who find it liberating, and with the player allowed to decide for themselves where they stand. It doesn’t hurt that the individualism of vampires allows you to create some really awesome characters who are fun to hang out with. Our Kickstarter backers immediately connected with the Companion in the demo - Madame Lux, a vampire stage magician with the power to manipulate human sight. She’s just one of many really vibrant characters, including con-artist cult-leader Maze, vampire fangirl bartender Becca, and Inez, a pirate queen from the Golden Age of Piracy struggling to adapt to a world where none of her skills are still in any demand.

Then throw in all the awesome vampire folklore from around the world, and you’ve got a fantastic palette to paint with. Much of the Nighthawks design makes me grin just to think of it, and I think players are going to dig it too.

“Favorite VtMB story part? NPC?”

Well, as a paid-up fan of the Tremere, obviously, Strauss. Good egg. Totally not like that awful LaCroix chap. Other than that, Heather and Tourette are obviously the first ones that everyone thinks of, and with good reason. Grey de Lisle’s voice makes any character awesome, and the Heather sequences were shockingly brutal the first time around. Absolutely amazing writing in those bits.

But I’m probably going to say Deb of Night. I love radio in games as a way of conveying atmosphere, and that’s one of the best one. I don’t know if it’s cool or sad that a few years ago I was in Santa Monica on a press trip, and spent some time wandering around the Pier while listening to Deb’s show. Bit of both?

“Anything you'd need apart from more backers to make sure the game becomes a reality?”

Moral support, really! Game development is a long and often pretty lonely experience, where you never usually know if anyone is going to want what you’re making when you’re done. It’s a real boost to know that so many people are excited by Nighthawks and really want to see it happen. That certainly adds some pressure, but the kind of pressure I think everyone can appreciate!

[topwebstore]

OnePlus 8 Pro Review: Slickest Android of 2020

While there have been a handful of Snapdragon 865-powered smartphones, the OnePlus 8 Pro is easily the most anticipated one. It’s the company’s first true flagship and OnePlus has finally relented to offer things like wireless charging and an official IP rating, apart from the bells and whistles you’d expect from a top of the line premium flagship. After a week of using the phone as a daily driver, the phone is clearly good at what it does, but it’s not as flawless as OnePlus claims it to be, especially when you consider other options in this segment. Here’s our review of the OnePlus 8 Pro —

OnePlus 8 Pro performance

The OnePlus 8 Pro variant we received for review comes with 8GB LPDDR5 RAM and 128GB UFS 3.0 storage. Powering it all is the Snapdragon 865 SoC. Which basically guarantees the 5G part. Yet, despite being a key partner for Qualcomm, OnePlus has interestingly skipped on a lot of features that comes with the chipset by default. That includes features like being able to shoot HDR videos, portrait videos, unlimited slow-motion recording, HDR gaming, 8K videos and a lot more. Then again, OnePlus did include things like live captions, audio zoom when you’re zooming in on a video, a 10-bit HDR display and of course, the full suite of 5G support. If you are looking for a flagship that includes more of the Snapdragon 865 features, the Mi 10 and the Realme X50 Pro are good options to consider. Benchmark analysis The Qualcomm Snapdragon 865 flagship chipset is the primary driver of performance in this smartphone, combined with a 120Hz display and the OxygenOS 10 software. These three things come together to offer a fast, stable experience which is very much worth the premium you spend for this phone. Yet, it’s the same hardware that keeps the OnePlus 8 Pro from achieving the highest scores in benchmark apps —

It’s surprising to see a Rs 34,999-priced Snapdragon 865-powered smartphone to outshine this year’s OnePlus flagship on benchmarks, but that’s just what we saw. And it’s not just the iQOO 3 5G we’re talking. Every single flagship Android phone we’ve tested this year has beaten the OnePlus 8 Pro on benchmark, although, the difference is perfectly within the margin of variance we expect in scores. Over the OnePlus 7 Pro last year, we saw around 15-18% boost in performance, which is good enough since there’s no app or game that’s specially built for this chipset, neither does it improve the experience in a noticeable way, as compared to the OnePlus 7T Pro that launched last year. Real world usage

What does improve the experience is the 120Hz refresh rate on the phone. It feels far too smooth when compared against last year’s OnePlus 7 Pro, which again felt the smoothest back when it launched. The in-display fingerprint sensor is fast and accurate enough to unlock the phone in the first attempt, but more often I found the face unlock engaging even before my finger was scanned. A single scroll can browse past a lot more elements on the screen without looking stuttering and blurring. The haptic feedback is also strong and concentrated and typing on this phone is slightly better than the other Snapdragon 865-flagships. The UI also feels far more responsive, and thanks to the gesture navigation, switching between apps takes less than a second. However, there are chinks in this otherwise powerful armour. The OnePlus 8 Pro kept freezing for a few seconds every time my Instagram Stories feed would encounter a video, and sometimes even when I was scrolling down a recipe online. Unfreezing required a quick lock-unlock, but the issue persists even as I am writing the review. Nevertheless, we’ve reached out to OnePlus about it, and they have acknowledged it. So safe to say, a patch is incoming. The phone also heated up quite fast when used outdoors. I was out taking camera samples in a hot afternoon in Delhi and the phone heated to well over 50 degrees prompting it to issue a temperature warning. It didn’t shut down though, and quickly gave me a ‘temperature has been restored’ message right after I entered my building. In comparison, I have been taking samples from all other flagship Android phones this year out in the afternoon and this is really the first time I came across the phone heating just by using the camera out in the open. Can this be fixed with a software update? Unlikely. Gaming performance

Thankfully, I never saw the overheating sign while gaming. The OnePlus 8 Pro responds really well to games, even when you are not using the Fnatic Mode that’s tuned to improve performance and keep away distractions. Yet, despite all the games we played, nothing really made the most of the high refresh rate display to run at 120FPS. But the nicely tuned display did deliver some fantastic visuals regardless. Except for Fortnite which ran at 90FPS but at low graphics, everything else was clocked to 60 FPS. Unfortunately, Fortnite didn’t allow us to clock performance using GameBench as it doesn’t support Android’s Developer Mode and USB Debugging.

CPU frequency distribution while gaming on the OnePlus 8 Pro We did play our usual rounds of COD: Mobile and PUBG Mobile. The former clocked a stable 60 FPS with 99% stability while the latter delivered 59 FPS at 98% stability. The numbers are good enough for smooth gameplay. The touch response is good for a quick scope using a sniper on COD: Mobile’s multiplayer. The 2.86GHz prime core was regularly engaged while playing PUBG Mobile (despite which it couldn’t achieve 100% stability) while the CPU usage was around 30% at its peak. On COD: Mobile, the prime core hit 2.6GHz only twice and that too when my player died and had to respawn. There’s definitely room for improvement here, and OnePlus can do it with further tuning in a future update. Having said that, OnePlus devices have been popular enough among gamers for the company to seriously consider allowing more granular tuning of the CPU and GPU that we have seen on phones like the Asus ROG Phone II.

Software performance

I was using the Mi 10 before I started to review the OnePlus 8 Pro, and it’s really the OxygenOS 10 UI that sets the phone apart from all other Android smartphones. It’s just as slick and fast as stock Android, but comes with a lot more features. In front of skins like MIUI and RealmeUI, OxygenOS is far more refined and it just blends in with your life. There are no ads or bloatware that distracted me from the task at hand. And the UI elements, combined with the high refresh rate of the display feels far more responsive than anything else I’ve reviewed this year. The good thing is, OnePlus emulates the same experience on the OnePlus 8 and even the older OnePlus phones that are still receiving regular updates with new features every 1-2 months. I’ve also come to realise that using a OnePlus right when it launches will feel like a work in progress. The company has a penchant of using software builds riddled with bugs at launch, and there are a handful of them in the OxygenOS 10.5 version my unit came loaded with. The dark mode would invert colours of black and white pictures, especially on WhatsApp, while the live wallpaper app I was using (Metropolis. You guys should try it) had to reload the wallpaper after I would use an app or play a game for a long time. There’s also no always-on display. We’re at the cutting edge of AMOLED display technology here, but OnePlus still hasn’t figured out how to make an always-on display work. Remember, it used to be there until one random update took it away. And it never came back. The phone still shows incoming notifications discreetly on the screen, but you will have to pick it up or tap twice on the panel to surface it. But I did like the Google Assistant ambient mode the phone goes into when charging. It’s hella useful with all the information I need, right on the lockscreen.

OnePlus 8 Pro camera performance

The OnePlus 8 Pro features not one, but two 48MP cameras this time in a quad camera stack. There’s a primary 1/1.3” 48MP Sony IMX689 sensor that’s slightly larger than the 1/2” footprint of the previous generation. Then there’s another 1/2” 48MP IMX586 that’s used in the ultrawide lens which is what sets this phone apart from others in this segment. The quad camera stack also includes an 8MP telephoto lens with 3X hybrid zoom and a colour filter lens which was defunct in our review unit owing to the ongoing controversies around how it can see through plastic, and even clothes. What was OnePlus even thinking? During the course of using the phone, I was mostly staying indoors and the most of the outdoor samples you will see in this review are a result of quick grocery runs or taken while I was out walking my dog. But it still gave us a good idea as to how this flagship camera performs. We have uploaded these photos to our Flickr gallery in their original resolution. The samples below have been resized for the web. 48MP Primary camera with f/1.78 aperture and OIS Among all other OnePlus cameras we have tested over the years, this one gets the closest to beating the premium flagships in terms of the details and sharpness it produces when the light is optimum. Tricky situations don't perturb the camera all that much either and we managed a few good shots to show for it. The dynamic range is also quite good with photos balancing out the highlights and shadows to appear far more natural, than say the saturated output from the 108MP camera on the Mi 10. Samples below —

What did irk me was a tendency for the camera to highlight blue tones a lot more in the photos, and in some cases, noisy details, especially for indoor shots. The camera also has a smaller plane of focus which became apparent when I was trying to take photos of my culinary adventures, but it’s not the first time I’ve seen this issue. It’s present in almost all large-format high-res camera sensors, and there are reasons to believe that this is an inherent issue of the large sensor size and the lens arrangement inside the phone. Here’s an example —

Excessive blue tones is an issue that needs to be addressed.

The area of focus is also quite small, causing issues in taking close-ups Videos from the primary 48MP camera aren’t all that good, especially when you compare against the regular OnePlus 8 and the Mi 10. It takes horribly long to focus on a subject up close and even when you do, it will drop the focus mid-way into the shoot and never recover until you start all over again. It’s a frustrating experience, and it happens at both 1080p and 4K resolution with 60 FPS output. The OIS is good enough for stability but the steady mode was what I used to take a stable video from an e-rickshaw I rode recently. 48MP Ultrawide camera with f/2.2 aperture and 119-degrees FOV. Throughout last year when these high-res sensors kept coming on smartphones cheap and expensive, I wondered what it would take to get the same amount of details from the ultrawide lens. The iPhone 11 series proved it doesn’t have to be treated as a step-child, but the OnePlus 8 Pro made it at par with the primary camera. As a result, you’ll get the best results from this ultrawide lens than from any other Android flagship right now. The 48 MP camera also delivers the best dynamic range in the wide-angle shots, among its peers and this is certainly a welcome addition. Samples below —

Surprisingly, the 48MP ultrawide lens is better at maintaining focus of a close-up object while taking videos than the primary camera. And if not for the smaller aperture which makes it unusable for videos when the light is low, this is what should have been the primary camera for videos. 8MP Telephoto lens with 3X hybrid zoom and 20X digital zoom The telephoto lens cannot keep up with the level of details you get from the other two cameras. OnePlus combines optical and digital zoom to let you zoom 3X, but details often look broken and full of noise. It lacks the sharpness you get from the other two lenses, and frankly, I used it much lesser than the primary and ultrawide lens. It’s also slightly slower in shutter response, but that’s more or less expected from a telephoto camera.

Night Mode OnePlus claims it is using new algorithms for the Nightscape mode for low light photos. But the quality of images you get mostly is the same we saw in the OnePlus 7T Pro with no dramatic improvement. What has improved is the speed at which the phone shoots a burst of photos at varied exposure, and I’d go out on a limb and say the processing is also a bit faster. But still not necessarily better.

16MP Selfie Camera Being not much of a selfie camera user, I only take a few of them for the review. And it did come out good, with my face looking natural by default. There’s an option to smoothen the details as well. The selfie camera can also take lowlight shots using the Nightscape algorithm, and can shoot 4K videos at 60 FPS. You also get a slow-fie option.

OnePlus 8 Pro Battery Life

I used the OnePlus 8 Pro for about a week as my primary device and the battery life is just about okay. If I am a little frugal in my usage, it can easily last a day. But on days where I’m on my phone all the time, the screen times range around 4-5 hours before it needs a quick refill, at the QHD+ 120Hz setting. It was 4 hours 30 minutes on the first day I set up the phone, downloading and installing all my apps, and restoring my WhatsApp data from the Mi 10 I was using previously. After that, with rounds of benchmarking, using the camera, gaming, back and forth texting and replying to emails, the phone lasted a good 6-7 hours. You can lower the display quality to extend the battery, which is what I’d suggest when you can’t be near a charging point throughout the day. Watching 30 minutes of HDR content on Netflix drains the battery by around 6 per cent while 15 minutes of COD: Mobile drained the battery by around 5 per cent.

OnePlus 8 Pro design and display

The OnePlus 8 Pro looks and feels like the premium flagship it claims to be. And OnePlus has finally included an official ingress rating for the phone. It is IP68 rated but it  doesn’t cover water damage under warranty. However, it can easily survive a tumble in the sink or heavy rain. OnePlus has also included another much desired feature - Wireless charging. That too at an unheard of 30W speed, which requires the Warp 30 Wireless Charger sold separately. We didn’t get the chance to test it out yet. The variant we received was the Glacier Green colour, and on this, the company has given a matte finish which reminds me of the Pearl White variant of the OnePlus 6. It’s much slimmer and lighter than before now that the pop-up mechanism is replaced by a punch-hole camera  on the display

The 6.78-inch QHD+ AMOLED display covers 90% of the body with very thin bezels on the top and bottom edge. On the side, the screen curves sharper than before, and while I admire the aesthetic, it actually hinders the display experience. There’s significant discolouration around the edges and that becomes apparent in the camera app, or when you’re watching a movie. The colours on the curved parts look different from the flat area. It took me a while to look past that. The panel also has a slightly warmer tinge owing to the DCI-P3 colour space it uses by default. Also the peak brightness only hit 786 lux in our light meter, which is far lower than what we saw on the regular OnePlus 8 and even on the Mi 10. We clocked upwards of 900 lux on them. The minimum brightness is still the same at 6 lux and I did feel my eyes strained while using it before bed.

OnePlus 8 Pro bottomline

The OnePlus 8 Pro ticks all the boxes for a premium flagship this time, and if not for an inconsistent camera performance, it would have been at par with the Samsung and Apple flagships. And that sort of breaks the deal for me because I need a camera that can take photos and videos with consistency for the content we produce on YouTube and Instagram. So if that’s not something you have to deal with, the OnePlus 8 Pro is the easier option to choose between the premium flagships available right now. There’s also the OnePlus 8 which works just as well sans the wireless charging, water resistance, 120Hz at QHD+ display, and a high-res wide-angle camera, which should be the primary reasons to buy this instead of the regular OnePlus 8. Source link Read the full article

[eurolinguiste]

I often feel guilty for taking breaks. I feel as though I’m not doing the right thing if I’m not being productive.

I also hate to give things up once I’ve already invested a lot of time into them.

With Korean I did the first – I took a long break (read: more than a year) and I was afraid I was going to end up doing the second. Give it up.

When a Language isn’t a Good Match

When I took on Korean, I wasn’t new to learning languages. I had gone through the process successfully a few times at that point. And I had done it with languages from completely different families – so it wasn’t because it was the first time I took on a language that was totally new. I was no stranger to new writing systems and few loan words.

But there was something about Korean that just didn’t stick. I struggled with the writing system even though it is arguably one of the easier systems to learn. Pronunciation and grammar eluded me and new vocabulary went in one ear and out the other.

After six months, I had enough. It was frustrating to put in a ton of work and not see the results I had come used to seeing with my language studies. I set aside my Korean studies to work on something else. I desperately needed to experience a “win”, so I worked on Spanish for three months.

It was a good reminder that I *can* learn a language. I had the skill.

So what was it about Korean?

Perhaps Korean and I just weren’t well-matched?

When a New Language Just Doesn’t Stick

When learning a new language, it’s normal to go through periods where you feel like that material just doesn’t stay with you. No matter what you do, how much study or what kind of study, you feel lost.

With Korean, I never had a “eureka” moment where things started to come together. I felt lost and frustrated pretty much all the time.

Taking time away from the language ended up being exactly what I needed.

Why a Language Break is a Good Thing

When I hit roadblocks in my language learning, I usually work to break through them using one of two tactics:

1. I keep pushing through 2. I take a break

In the past, I typically kept pushing through. I believe that breakthroughs don’t suddenly strike, but instead, they’re the result of slowly chipping away at barriers each day until all that remains is to navigate through the remains.

At first, I tried to do this with Korean, but it didn’t seem to help. The barriers seemed insurmountable. So instead, I decided to take a break, experience a relatively quick win with Spanish, and reinvigorate both my energy and my confidence.

A few weeks ago, I made a new commitment to Korean. I debated whether or not I’d give the language up, but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. I don’t particularly have any single compelling reason to learn the language, but there’s just something that draws me to it. And even though I’ve studied Spanish, Russian, Croatian, Japanese and even did an Italian refresh since Korean and I last spent time together, I still saved resources for when I’d “one day get back to it” on the side.

Picking up Korean a second time has been far more rewarding than the first.

When at First You Don’t Succeed

The first time I tried to learn Korean, I felt like I wasn’t absorbing anything. Now that I’ve resumed studying the language, I’ve found that this impression wasn’t accurate.

I don’t remember a lot in the language, but looking at the material a second time means that I have this vague familiarity with the material that gives it a little more stickiness than the first time around. That means, more stayed with me than I originally thought.

For example, I still confuse some of the Korean vowels when reading – especially those that start with a ‘w’ – but I was able to quickly learn the other letters and start reading at a basic level almost immediately (something I didn’t feel that I succeeded at the first time around).

I also do better at remembering vocabulary and grammar. Particularly because I now have several months of experience with Japanese. Learning Korean grammar through the lens of a Japanese “speaker” has really helped me. (As a side note, if you’re interested in learning both Japanese and Korean, I highly recommend learning Japanese first.)

Learning Korean suddenly seems like a real possibility. That break gave me time to digest and process what I learned even though I didn’t realize it was happening.

How Taking a Break from Korean Helped Me Learn It Better

While the amount of time I took away from Korean was a little extreme, I honestly feel as though that time away played a big part in the results I’m experiencing today. If I hadn’t taken a break, I would have definitely burnt out and have dropped the language forever rather than for a little over a year.

That time away allowed me to accomplish a few things:

I was able to digest what I had learned.

Even though I didn’t remember a lot of it, it gave me a sense of familiarity with the language so the vocabulary and grammar didn’t seem so far removed the second time around. I often found myself thinking things like, “ah yes, I do remember how to make a sentence negative” or “that’s right, I remember how to say that”.

I was able to learn a similar language.

In that time apart from Korean, I didn’t stop learning languages entirely. Instead, I used it to learn another language that was on my list and that was similar enough that it helped me wrap my head around parts of Korean that I struggled with the first time around. After learning Japanese, particles suddenly made more sense as did honorifics and sentence order. I’m sure my initial work with Korean also helped me with Japanese though I wasn’t really aware of it at the time. Now it’s come full circle – my Japanese is helping me take on Korean.

I became a better language learner.

In the last year, I feel as though I’ve truly refined how I learn languages and have built a system that works for me. I’m sure this system will continue to evolve as I grow and change as a language learner, but this has certainly helped me approach Korean in a more effective way than my past efforts.

I’m less afraid to speak the language.

When I first learned Korean, the only opportunity I gave myself to use it was when I’d go to the doctor (which was fairly often because I was pregnant). I’d write out a few flashcards with phrases I wanted to use, and then it was hit or miss if I could use them during my appointments. I was often too nervous or embarrassed to speak in Korean for any length of time. Today, I am much more confident speaking my languages – even if they’re ones I don’t yet know all that well. I’ve come to accept it as a part of the process. Before, I fought it.

I feel more motivated to learn Korean.

Towards the end of my first six months (before the break), I was feeling pretty overwhelmed and not all that motivated to continue. After having stepped away, that motivation has reappeared.

I realized that I really do want to learn Korean.

During my break from Korean, I spent some time really thinking about whether I not I wanted to or should learn Korean. It wouldn’t be the first time I had given up a language (I’m looking at you high school Arabic and university German), but there was just something that didn’t sit right with me whenever I tried to convince myself to let it go. Having the time to think about it (without being knee-deep in study when it’s harder to remove yourself and think about it objectively) allowed me to determine that being able to speak Korean was something that I really wanted.

How to Make Sure That a Break is a Positive Thing for Your Language Studies

After taking a break from Korean, I realized that there are a few things that you can do to make sure that the breaks you take remain a positive thing for your language studies. Here’s what I found:

1. If you take a break, make a plan for how you’ll get back into your studies. If you take a break without a plan, you risk never picking your studies back up again. For me, Korean was always on my list of things that I was going to do “next”. When a new opportunity came up, it was always “Korean or this” or “Korean or that”. Eventually, I ran out of “or’s” so I forced myself to make a decision about whether or not I’d continue studying Korean. Korean was always on my calendar (even if it did get pushed back a few times), so I knew I’d have to deal with it eventually.

2. Taking a break after an introduction to a language is a good way to dip your toes in the water before jumping all the way in. You get a feel for the temperature before completely submerging yourself.

3. If you take a break, don’t remove yourself from the language completely. It’s okay to stop studying for a time, but try to maintain some other exposure to the language. For me, this was music.

To Sum Up

Taking a break from your language is not a magic answer. In fact, it can be dangerous. A break can quickly become more than just a break. And restarting a habit is so much more difficult than starting it in the first place. That said, as long as you set yourself up so that the break is really and truly a “break” and not something more than that, it can be extremely beneficial.

To quote an article in the Atlantic, “Just as small breaks improve concentration, long breaks replenish [..] performance.” 

You won’t learn a language without work but it does make processing what you’re learning easier. You can look at what you’re doing objectively and make a more informed decision. Plus, taking a break after a brief introduction to the language gives you time to digest completely new concepts so that when you go all in, you have a little bit of a foundation.

What about you?

Have you ever taken a break from a language? Did it reinvigorate your interest in the language or make you realize that it wasn’t something you really wanted?

I’d love to hear about your experience in the comments below.

The post Learning Korean All Over Again: Why a Break from Your Language Learning Can Be a Good Thing appeared first on Eurolinguiste.

[charlottecarterbcu]

Evaluation

Within this project my aim was to use my own primary research of looking at the landscapes around me, public transport and commuting as a whole to experiment with different techniques and processes including weave, embroidery, print, mark making, collaging, and creative textiles. Once I had some samples I was then to look into the variations and compare my everyday moments throughout as I progressed through the module, showing my findings in my sketchbook and discussing them on my blog. I believe that I have achieved this as I took an extensive range of different primary photographs looking at both the Bromsgrove and Birmingham sides of my journey to start with. I then went on to attend all workshops enabling me to use my primary research as inspiration when experimenting with new textile skills and processes. From there I was then able to go back into workshops to work into samples created in other sessions to get the most out of my samples and to fully show my narrative throughout my work. I’ve then gone on to display my samples in my sketchbook and have discussed them on my blog.

I began my research by going out into my local area and I began taking photographs of the countryside around me, focusing on the farmland that the public footpath goes through near to my house. I took many photographs including the tree, telegraph pole and barbed wire fence pictures that I have used repeatedly throughout this project.  Then once we started face to face lectures at university I was then able to broaden my primary research by taking photographs and a video along every step of my journey from getting to the train station, being on the train, arriving in Birmingham, and walking through the centre of Birmingham to get to the university. I have used the picture of the train at the platform and urban landscape shots from around Birmingham frequently throughout this module to add comparison.

My primary photographs are so different to one another, this has been a real help in being able to fully explore and experiment within the workshops as I have had plenty to choose from, for example in the first mark making session I focused my samples on the primary photographs taken within the countryside, creating many drawings inspired by the barbed wire fence photo. Whereas, in my first time in the print workshop I focussed my first few prints on the basic greyscale skyline associated with the buildings in the later part of my primary research. Having such a diverse range of primary research has really helped me to explore within the textiles workshops as I haven’t felt restricted at any point as there has always been at least one photo that would work well with the sample that I was going to produce.  

However, finding the balance has been hard to achieve throughout this module as I went through waves of only looking at nature or buildings for a few weeks at a time with no cross over or comparison. This has made it difficult to fully achieve the brief as a whole as different areas of my primary research were looked at in different workshops making it difficult to compare the two. This is reflected in my final piece where I decided to focus all of my samples on just one element of my everyday journey, the countryside. This is because I felt that I had created the best samples when looking into the finer details of the nature around us, with my procion dye leaf prints for example I was able to add in all of the discolouration and vein detail which is very different to plain skyline screen print sample that I created earlier. However I did feel that I was able to fully achieve my brief whilst in the digital sublimation print workshop as I was able to overlap images from the different sides of my primary research and print them together enabling me to have the full comparison just on one textiles sample.

In almost every workshop I have made the most of my time in there and have tried to base every one of my samples on one of my primary photographs, linking each sample to my narrative along the way when discussing my samples on my blog.  For example, in my first workshop in the embroidery room when we looked at pleats and pin tucks, I didn’t have a direct link to my narrative with the samples that I had made. I found this frustrating and set myself a challenge of always having a clear link to my primary research with every sample before rushing in to complete the sample without thinking clearly. I feel like I have followed this plan and have gone into each workshop with a few ideas already in my head of what I will be focusing my sample on that day. In regard to my pin tuck sample, after thinking it through I was able to relate my sample to the building structures near the university and developed this idea further by creating another pin tuck sample with reverse appliqué to fully show the similarities within the structure and the sample.

When I first started this course, I had some experience with some of the textile’s skills and techniques but the majority I hadn’t done for years. Weave was completely new to me and I embraced the challenge of learning a new skill. I took to weaving really quickly and needed my loom turning forward several times on the first mornings session. Despite some of the issues with the loom colours and broken shafts, overall, I believe that I created some of my best samples in the weave workshop as I was able to create weaves relative to my narrative with the broad array of yarns provided and also through experimentation of weaving through different objects such as rope and a cut up screen print.

A skill that I believe I have been able to develop over the weeks is print. In my first time in the print workshop I created very basic shapes with the screen printing, all of which needed working into further to make them usable within my sketchbook. But then as I progressed through print into the second week with procion and disperse dye and then lastly with the digital printing I was really able to push myself to create detailed samples with a clear link to my narrative. As I previously mentioned the prints that I created in the digital print workshop, for me are the samples that clearly show my narrative in the way that I wanted to in this project with a comparison of the different landscapes.

The hand textiles workshops were different to the workshops for the other processes as we were able to go at our own pace and have complete control over what it was that we were trying to create. I’ve always believed that I’d never be able to knit after being shown how to do it many times over the years and having no success. So, to be able to persevere and learn a new skill in the session, I was really proud of myself of what I had been able to achieve. I think I will have to continue knitting to ensure that I remember how to do it and to improve my samples from this technique as I am still merely a beginner still trying to understand the basics. The creative embellishment and hand stitching that we did in this workshop was much harder than it looked, and I have been trying to fathom out how to do a French knot for weeks. Despite having finally managed a few to go onto my final piece, French knots and hand embellishment in general is definitely something that I need to improve and develop my skills on.

I really enjoyed experimenting with design and using my mark making samples to create fashion illustrations. However, my illustrations need a lot of work, especially as I plan on progressing onto the design course next year. Over the next few months I need to ensure that I am finding time to practice my fashion illustrations, paying close attention to the detailing of hands and feet especially.

I believe that my experimentation was successful because I made the most of every workshop and created as many samples as I possibly could in the time. Despite having plenty of samples to work with I can’t help but think that perhaps I gave myself too much to work with and too many ideas were across the different samples confusing the layout overall due to the narrative being too broad. If I was to carry out a project similar to this one again, I would definitely refine everything. I would begin by focusing on just one element for my narrative, such as the countryside for example. I am happy with my samples and what I have been able to achieve with my current narrative, but it opened up too many pathways to different ideas and interpretations of the narrative and what could be accomplished. By having just one main focus for the narrative I would then be able to focus all of the experiments within the workshops around the same idea which would then help me to create similar samples that complement one another.  

From the very beginning of this project I have been forward thinking and planning my next step before even completing the last few. I write lists and then I also do smaller lists for the bigger main list. This usually works well for me, but I can’t help but wonder what went wrong this time round as I sit here on the morning of the deadline completing my evaluation. I believe that I am a good planner, but I think this time round I just gave myself too much to do and expected too much of myself. I gave myself unrealistic and unachievable targets which has unfortunately reflected in the later parts of my blog and in the quality finish of my final piece. Towards the end of the module I just had too much still to complete with not enough time to do it in. With this being the first module I’m not going to be too hard on myself and instead I’m going to use this experience as a learning curve to hopefully put me in the right direction for the next module.

Overall, I am extremely happy with what I have been able to achieve and the work that I have produced over the past eight weeks. I have learnt new skills and developed old ones to. I have also tried to problem solve to the best of my ability, for example with the loom in weave that didn’t match my colour scheme, I was able to go away and think about it and found a link enabling me to be able to use the sample in my sketchbook.  I also had to do a lot of unpicking in the embroidery workshop, rather than wasting the samples I just thought of new ways to use them or work into them to cover the mistakes and make it a useable sample. I always work big and fill a space, therefore where I feel that I didn’t problem solve well is within my sketchbook as I was unable to use the rule of third when sticking down my samples. I also wasn’t able to put my samples alongside supportive primary photographs which is what I had originally planned to do. If I’d thought it through initially, and knowing what scale I usually work with I should have thought about getting an A2 sketchbook to display my work in as this would have created the needed negative space on the page and it would have also enabled me to put pictures alongside my samples to clearly show the progression of my narrative throughout.

[angeltriestoblog]

I’ve been thinking and writing and thinking about writing

This time last year, I spent my free time cooped up in my university’s study hall. There, I would drink from smuggled cups of vending machine coffee, in the hopes of converting my lethargy into caffeine, and the caffeine into words. My dream publication at the time had opened up internship applications, and though they set no deadline, I pressured myself to finish all the requirements as fast as I could. Every impulse decision I had was always coupled with this need to execute at the soonest possible time, like my brain knew if I took a second longer, my common sense would kick in and pull the brakes. I guess my failure to think everything through reflected in my cover letter template (lazy), resume (unremarkable), sample works (in retrospect, bland and uninspiring), and the absence of an acceptance letter in my inbox.

I have lost respect for said publication since then, though not because I harbored bitterness in my heart: their failure to compensate hardworking interns as well as the steep decline in the quality of their content should be enough reason. (Looks like I dodged a bullet back there.) Though it can’t be denied that at the time, I was heartbroken. The feeling lingered with me longer than I cared to admit. Despite getting featured on a national broadsheet and accepted into my school’s student paper less than a month later, I still couldn’t bring myself to be fully confident in my skill set because of that one specific, indirect rejection.

Which is why, being where I am now and having achieved as much as I have in a span of five short months feels like the highest form of vindication. Quarantine boredom compelled me to submit an article pitch to the then newly-launched Underdog, an online platform dedicated to the digital native’s latest preoccupation. It was a piece about the boybands I loved and lost (read: the dissolution of One Direction, and every other group I adored with the same degree of intensity), one I was actually planning to post on the blog. But in a span of a few weeks, my idea was accepted, refined, revised, and turned into a full-fledged essay that landed me my first ever paycheck.  

I was still on some euphoric high, emboldened beyond belief, when I chose to take it a notch higher and apply as a staff writer for one of my all-time favorite magazines. During the summer before college, I was paralyzed by a legitimate existential crisis that left me aimless and afraid. I turned to the Internet for solace, and in my search for a voice of reason, I found Lithium Magazine, and their collection of articles which viewed life in the authentic, critical, occasionally self-deprecating way only Gen Z teens know how. I was aware being turned down by them would easily mean a one-way ticket to retirement for me; thank God my inner critic was taking a power nap or else it would have talked me out of it for sure. The day after I submitted my accomplished application form and a far more impressive portfolio of sample articles (by my standards, at least), I woke up to an acceptance letter and just knew life was not going to be the same.

The past four months I’ve spent as a contributor for Lithium have been some of my most fulfilling as a writer. I am constantly being pushed to the limits of my imagination and creativity when it comes to the content I produce. I can’t find it in me to half-ass pitches or beat around the bush in paragraphs: I owe it to the effortlessly talented people I work with, and the impressive body of work they have managed to accumulate over the years. My first pieces for the month of July were about the effectivity of online therapy in a Filipino context, and the irony of being a low-maintenance friend during a time when the need for human connection is higher than ever. This was followed by my personal essay in defense of basic girls: my favorite one so far, and probably my boss’ too, considering that it’s an Editor’s Pick for the month of August. Though I am infinitely proud of them, as they are my first forays into the international publishing world, I know I can (and thus am determined to) do better.

Since then, I’ve churned out articles on an almost-daily basis for an array of online and print zines. I scout for inspiration in the morning and once struck by lightning, I type away until roosters start to crow once again. Most days, I only took a time out for the daily two-hour movie. It seemed like I was working a part-time job instead of nurturing a hobby. But it never felt like a chore to me. I simply love what I do and I feel like the fact that it shows is the reason why sites are kind enough to publish my work. 

You can view my portfolio if you want to see everything I’ve put out so far but here are five of my most recommended, in case you’re too lazy for that!

The story of my coming-of-age based on the usernames I had on social media platforms, for Uniquely Aligned;

An expose on all-girls Catholic high schools in the Philippines and their inaction towards sexual harassment cases, for Ashamed Magazine;

A part-review of Patron Saints of Nothing by Randy Ribay, part-rant on the evident lack in Western media that accurately portrays Filipino life, for Reclamation Magazine;

A piece on why talking about mental health should never be a one-way street, for Gen Rise Media;

A love letter to one of my favorite movies of all time, and its flawed eponymous protagonist, for Mid-Heaven Magazine

On a rather tangential note, I also started expanding my network on LinkedIn, though I wasn’t exactly sure what I was hoping to get out of this exercise. I simply enjoyed the process of generating new variations of the same job descriptions. One day, I was sent an email by Riya, the Executive Director of The Young Writers Initiative, a nonprofit that provides resources for aspiring authors to improve their craft and advance their career. They wanted to recruit me to be a mentor for freelancing for their upcoming summer internship program. I had just woken up then and had to rub the sleep from my eyes to read it properly. Apparently, I was recommended by a connection (hi, Srilekha!) who took my sample works as an obvious display of my credibility in the field. Given that this sounded like an exciting opportunity, I immediately agreed. Everything happened at a pretty fast pace after that, as I got swept up in the process of selecting a mentee and figuring out what I could possibly teach them. I guess I didn’t find the time to process what exactly was going on, and what it meant for me as a writer.

It didn’t take long for the impostor syndrome to hit. And quite hard, if I may add. I was due for an interview with Madison, one of my fellow TYWI mentors and I had scanned the questions she sent me. Though I clearly knew what advice I would give to aspiring freelance writers, or had a routine in mind that allowed me to balance all my existing priorities, my hands felt like they were loaded with cement. I could barely type on the document before me. I must have had a staring contest with my taunting cursor for an hour.

I mean, maybe I couldn’t say anything because I didn’t have the right to say them. After all, whatever I knew, I borrowed from someone else - perhaps an actual authority in the field. Wasn’t I just some girl who got lucky during the quarantine? While the current state of the world forced everyone into stagnancy, I coped best with the help of the written word. Had everyone else been under the same circumstances, I wouldn’t be in my current situation. Needless to say, when the actual feature came out, I spiraled. 

I wish I could claim that I only had to do x and y for the storm cloud above my head to go away. But as controversial as it sounds, I maintain that no writer fully gets rid of impostor syndrome. In fact, let me widen the scope of my statement: no creative can do it. I have never known anybody with both an inclination toward the arts and a strong sense of confidence. It’s like our limitless imagination only raises the already impossibly high standards we hold ourselves against. We never really think highly of ourselves to begin with, so when we meet a goal, achieve something we’ve only ever dreamt of, we bring ourselves down. We invalidate our hard work and dismiss it as an act of charity by the karmic forces of the universe.

Thankfully, I have an amazing support system: my immediate family members and closest friends, always ready to offer reassurance when it’s scarce (hold on, I got these intense Economics war flashbacks GOD). I seriously don’t know where I’d be without them. Actually, I do know. Probably wallowing in pools of self-deprecation. I think I would’ve ended up chickening out of new opportunities on the sole basis of my self-imposed inexperience. My loved ones were the quickest to remind me that I was only a beginner in freelancing but I had been writing since I learned how to grip a pen in my hand. I have prepared for this all my life and I was finally reaping the fruits of my labor. Who was I to shy away from the blessings that were so generously being lavished upon me?

In fact, just a few hours ago, I bagged two very exciting contributor roles for organizations that I admire very deeply. I have several pitches in the pipeline as of now, which I absolutely cannot wait to bring to life and share with you guys. As far-fetched as this sounds, this is only the beginning for me. I am so grateful to everyone who has believed in me, read my work (or even a mere paragraph of it because I know how underappreciated the written word can be these days), and left encouraging comments. 

WIshing you nothing but love and light always, always, always,

Angel

[allenmendezsr]

The Anti-anxiety Recipe Plan

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The Anti-anxiety Recipe Plan

 Buy Now

    ATTENTION: For anyone that struggles with high-stress levels, depression, insomnia, or a troubled state of mind, you can discover…

Dear Friend,

It’s time to put yourself back in the driver’s seat of your life. 

Poor mental health is a serious subject, and it should never be taken lightly. 

Over the next few minutes, I’m going to share with you how you can attack one of the major contributors of anxiety. 

Your stress, worry, and fears should never dictate how you should live your life ever again…

And you can conquer these feelings, WITHOUT taking any medication to “temporarily” ease your mind. 

First, you need to understand that the key to feeling calm and collected and not “lost in your head” is to master what some doctors call “your second brain.”

I know it sounds crazy, but let me explain.

Introducing…

Listen: there is no one simple cure for anxiety.

Since there are a lot of different variables that lead to it, it takes more than one change to get rid of anxiety for good.  

You see, most people don’t “get” how your diet plays a MAJOR role with how the rest of your body, and more importantly, your mind functions. 

Enter The Anti-Anxiety Recipe Plan.

If you’re someone who suffers from anxiety, this recipe book will help you take an entirely natural approach to improve your mind and well-being. 

You’ve heard this saying before—

“You are what you eat.”

And according to research from John Hopkins Medical School, whenever you’re nervous or anxious, you’re likely getting signals from an unexpected source—your gut. 

AKA your “second brain.” 

It’s the reason why you’ll feel your stomach “act up” right before an important event, like a job interview or even a hot date. 

Studies like this are revolutionizing the way people look at digestion, mood, your health, and yes, the way you think.

The recipes inside The Anti Anxiety Recipe Plan remove ingredients that inflame your gut, leave you in a sluggish mental state, or trigger anxiety. 

That’s why the launch for this book is taking the health and wellness community by storm… 

Instead of eating recipes full of refined and unnatural foods, The Anti Anxiety Recipe Plan uses ingredients like antioxidants, healthy fats, and healing herbs. 

And they’re not just good for you. Inside, you’ll find 50+ anxiety-relieving recipes so mouth-watering, they’ll blow your favorite stuffed crust pizza out of the water.

Dishes like Korean Style Steak and Kimchi Wraps…Sweet Potato Frittatas…Turmeric Tahini Buddha Bowls…Crispy Baked Chicken Cutlets…and Lemon Poppylicious Energy Balls

(And they blast anxiety away with each bite)

These “Holistic Mind Soothing Ingredients” are time-tested, proven, all-natural ingredients that BANISH anxiety and SOOTHE your mind.

Not only that, but you can use them to regain your health, energy, and vitality. 

How?

Each recipe leverages the power of the Paleo Diet.

Because sure, Paleo is still making waves everywhere.

It’s recently been featured on popular shows like Rachael Ray and Dr. Oz, and it’s backed by leading Doctors and Nutritionists. It’s even used by celebrities like Megan Fox, Jessica Biel, and Anne Hathaway!

And for good reason:

The Paleo diet works by eating whole foods that have kept humans healthy for centuries. 

The core principles are simple:

No processed foods

No dairy

No refined sugars

Basically, if your “stone age ancestors” didn’t eat it, neither should you.

Every meal in this diet usually has 2/3 vegetables and 1/3 of lean protein, fruits, and healthy fat. 

However, it’s not all fun and games…

Because before today, going Paleo meant giving up ALL gluten, dairy, processed sugar, and artificial ingredients.

HOWEVER…

The Anti-Anxiety Recipe Plan is changing all of that…

And lets us indulge in appetizing, paleo-friendly versions of everything we’re told to “give up” on the paleo diet.

Imagine!

Avo Choco Mousse…Maple Macaroons…Cherry Chocolate Chip Smoothies…Cinnamon Apples…

Wait until you see the gorgeous photos below.

But before we get there, allow me to introduce myself:

Hi, my name is Danny Jeffers.

I’m a health and wellness enthusiast and for years I’ve struggled with life-crippling anxiety. That’s why for the past six months, I’ve been obsessed with one single goal…

Today, I’m proud to say I’ve finally cracked the “Anxiety-Code”. I’ve discovered 50+ Anti-Anxiety recipes that are downright to-die-for…

And I want to share them with you too.

So you can nourish both your mind and body, live a life full of energy, and escape your negative thoughts… 

WITHOUT using medication.

WITHOUT giving up your favorite guilty pleasures.

And WITHOUT eating the same, bland foods every day.

What’s more: these recipes will work for you even if you’ve tried other diets…

You see, you don’t have to be a whiz in the kitchen, and you don’t need to give up hours of your time to figure out each recipe. 

The holistic, mind-soothing ingredients in The Anti-Anxiety Recipe Plan are here to calm you down, not cause any more stress.

It’s difficult to share but I think it’s important so here we go…

I didn’t know I was going to end up in the ER that day.

It was a regular Thursday morning. And as I got out of bed, I whipped up what I thought at the time, was a “healthy” breakfast.

If you saw me in public you would think nothing was wrong with me.

I exercised every day, had a good job, a girlfriend, and had a ton of friends. 

Yet despite looking like everything was “right” in my life, I was exhausted and beat myself up daily with self-criticism.

I hated my life for no good reason at all…

My mind was foggy. My head was constantly dizzy. 

I just felt so…off.

Sound familiar?

At the same time, I felt like I had to always be “on edge.” 

I overthought EVERYTHING. 

Sometimes it felt like I would just “forget” how to talk to people too. 

“Should I talk now?”

“Am I saying the right thing?”

“How do I know everything is going to be okay?” 

But it gets worse.

These “symptoms” only scratch the surface. 

Because the second noon hit that day, it was like someone hijacked my mind. 

I was in the middle of a small meeting for my work, right in the heart of downtown Santa Monica, California. 

Something in my head screamed at me to leave NOW.

I swear, it was like my mind was warning me that I was being chased down by a tiger. 

My breathing grew heavy, so I stood up and rushed outside of the building to get some fresh air.

But still, I could sense my anxiety clawing right through my skin… 

I looked around me. 

It really was a beautiful day in Santa Monica, the sun was shining, the palm trees swaying…

But underneath it all, I felt broken. 

I thought to myself, “did somebody drug me?”

Nothing made sense. 

After pacing around the streets like a madman, I used my shaky hands to call up an Uber so I could retreat to my home. 

I just knew I couldn’t stay here. 

Then, after waiting for what felt like HOURS I finally got into my Uber and continued to sweat bullets.

Inside the car, I desperately scrambled to tell my driver that I NEEDED to go to the ER NOW. 

He rushed me over. 

And as you can probably guess, they couldn’t tell me a straight answer for what was wrong with me.  

A kind nurse told me it might’ve been just vertigo and it would eventually “go away.”

The rest of the staff said to “sleep it off…”

Seriously? 

That was the best answer I could get? 

I must’ve been going insane. I wanted to give up.

Was this just a one-time thing?

But for the next few months, my anxiety would rear its ugly head again…

My negative self-talk would creep in at random parts of the day.

And my brain would fire off alarm bells during normal moments…

Like right before an important presentation I had to give at work…

While talking to a coworker…

Sitting in a crowded room with strangers…or friends…

And even while getting a haircut…!

This intense anxiety dripped into other parts of my life too…

Eventually, I couldn’t focus at work anymore.

And my relationship with my beautiful girlfriend strained. 

I felt suffocated from it all. 

But here’s the thing.

I never told anyone I suffered from anxiety. 

That’s because I didn’t want to deal with the “stigma” or feel embarrassed over it.  

Still, I couldn’t stand feeling this way anymore.

I started experimenting with antidepressants. 

Whenever doctors would prescribe me medicine or a new over the counter pill, I would ask them if I could have three more…

I just wanted to do whatever it took to finally BANISH my anxiety for good. 

You name it, I’ve tried it.

Yet nothing really worked.

Sometimes they would only make me feel a little better…

But I still felt some symptoms.

The rush of uncertainty….

The heightened senses…

Me questioning every tiny thing…

And that’s IF I didn’t feel like a zombie.

I couldn’t go on like this.

So I started looking for a holistic approach. 

No, not meditation. 

It’s already hard enough to meditate WITHOUT anxiety, how in the world would I be able to “clear my mind” with it?

I thought I could find something else. 

The more I dove into this problem, the more I learned.

And then I discovered that…

Remember what I mentioned earlier.

Some doctors call your gut “the second brain.”

Sounds strange but it’s true.

Your gut and mind are connected. 

Together, they help determine your overall health, so when your gut health is out of balance, your body and mind will know it too!

Like I said, I discovered this after reviewing studies from John Hopkins Medical School, Harvard, The National Center for Biotechnology, and Psychology Today. 

For example, you probably already knew that most fried foods like french fries, chicken, and onion rings are terrible for your health.

They’re cooked in hydrogenated oil so they’re harder to digest.

These foods will sap your energy levels, even HOURS after you eat them! 

Yet it may surprise you to know that some “everyday” foods you might think are “healthy” for you, throw your entire nervous system out of whack too. 

Sometimes, their negative effect is so powerful, you can overstimulate your nervous system to the point that it feels like you’re reliving a stressful life event or bad memory. 

And I’m not just talking about coffee, or anything with caffeine either. 

Too much dairy and something as simple as your favorite fruit juice can also give you fatigue and make it difficult to concentrate. 

I took a good, hard look at my diet and what I’ve been feeding “my second brain” for years…

Here I was lost in my daily dose of mental hell, and the reason was right in front of me this entire time…

So now you know that your gut has a deeper connection to the rest of your body, and especially your anxiety…

What do you do?

You can’t “numb” your senses with medication, because they only help “manage” your anxiety for the short term.

And you can’t just “skip” certain meals, because the drop in your body’s sugar levels can lead to a spike in anxiety too!

When one of my friends introduced me to an all-natural, real food, paleo diet… my state of mind finally began to return to normal.

Almost instantly, my brain fog, dizziness, and near fight-or-flight symptoms vanished. 

My anxiety wasn’t gnawing at my conscious 24/7. 

And for the first time in what must’ve been YEARS, I was overflowing with real, natural joy.

But like I said before, the only drawback?

Paleo makes you cut grains, high-fat meats, sugar, salty foods…

The list goes on…

Basically this means I couldn’t keep eating anything tasty.

My pizza, doughnuts, and everything in between.

As a result, my cravings went bonkers!

Perhaps you can relate:

I wanted to chow down on cheesecake after dinner…

I wanted to devour a frozen pizza with my friends and watch Game of Thrones with a cold one in my hand…

And there’s nothing else out there that hits the spot like my mom’s infamous spaghetti and meatballs.

But now I couldn’t indulge in any of those guilty pleasures…

So I searched far and wide, looking for a chef who understood the deep relationship food has with your mind…

Not only that, but I was also looking for someone who knew how to whip-up delicious, mouth-watering meals in a snap. 

And that’s when I met…

Let me introduce, Melissa.

Melissa is a certified nutritional chef and graduate from The Academy of Culinary Nutrition. 

She has a knack for re-creating “unhealthy dishes” and turning them into a healthy meal packed with flavor. 

You’ve probably seen some of her recipes cooked on Dr. Oz, and featured on The Kitchen Blog for Fisher, Paykel Appliances, and Readers Digest. 

Melissa gets it. 

Not only is she extremely passionate about cooking, but she loves sharing her knowledge of all things health. 

I got the chance to meet her in New York City after going to one of her health and wellness workshops. 

At the event, she talked about her personalized nutrition programs, and she gave a demonstration of one of her original recipes.

But what really struck a chord with me was when she talked about the “gut-brain connection” I already did a ton of research on. 

When the event ended, I went up to her and shared with her what I’ve learned about this subject too. 

She was open with me and she shared her struggles with chronic stress, food sensitivities, fatigue, and anxiety. 

At first she thought there was nothing seriously wrong with her…maybe you’re like her. 

You see, she worked long hours and was a “road warrior” that was constantly on the go.

Whenever she would visit a traditional doctor to tackle this problem, they would just try to give her pills…

But there was no way she would go through that downward spiral.

Instead, she took another close look at her recipes. 

She figured out how she could adjust them so that they would not only help her with food allergies, but also with her stress and anxiety too! 

And of course, as a top chef, she knew she had made sure they were delicious. 

The result?

The Anti-Anxiety Recipe Plan, her new recipe book filled with 50+ mouth-watering anxiety relieving recipes that lets you indulge while keeping your mind clear and your heart happy.

While I was with her in person, she shared with me a couple of the dishes she put together in her book. 

I sampled them, and had to double check with her to ask her again what the ingredients were…

I told her right then that she had to share the recipes in this book with more people. 

Listen: no one wants to force bland, lifeless food down their throat. 

That’s why Inside The Anti-Anxiety Recipe Plan, you can be rest assured, every recipe is bursting with flavor.

Each bite of the chocolate chip muffins or cranberry orange bread is warm and scrumptious.

The mouth-watering sweet potato frittata is savory. 

And the chicken cutlets and broiled salmon are rich and filling. 

The cherry on top is that if you’re looking to shed an extra few pounds and feel more energized than ever, they can be made PALEO…

What’s cool is most of these can be made within minutes… and without any expensive equipment.

Meaning using exactly what you have laying around your kitchen right now, you can dig in immediately after work… guilt free!

You can forget having to go to different grocery stores every week…

Each ingredient can be found at your local grocery chain. So these recipes aren’t just delicious and good for you, they’re convenient too!

Goodbye grueling grocery store visits… hello easy mood and easy food.

Remember: each recipe is natural and nourishes your “second brain.” This means you won’t have to deal with any weird chemicals.

For each page, there’s a nutritional breakdown and explanation for how each ingredient soothes your mind and body. 

So the bottom line is this: there’s something for everyone!

And just to reiterate one more time…

Look: nobody likes complicated recipes, especially if you’re someone suffering from anxiety and high-stress levels. 

That’s why each recipe in The Anti-Anxiety Recipe Plan is made simple! 

Most can be prepared in 15-30 minutes…

And some, even quicker!

Don’t worry, you don’t have to be Gordon Ramsay to whip these up. 

Even if you struggle to prepare the most basic recipes, you’ll still be able to make these tasty, mind-soothing meals, snacks, and desserts in The Anti-Anxiety Recipe Plan with no problem. 

You might also be concerned about the ingredients…

And specifically, where you can get them…

Now, I’ll be straight with you:

If this is your first cookbook, then sure, some of the ingredients will be new.

But most — if not all — are laying around your kitchen already.

Things like cinnamon, baking soda, lemon juice…

And any ingredients you need to get can be found in your closest “normal” grocery store or found online (from the comfort of your own home) on Amazon.

Plus each recipe includes a breakdown of how fast it takes to make each meal. You’ll also have an inside look behind HOW each ingredient nourishes both your mind and body.

I wanted to share with you what’s included in The Anti Anxiety Recipe Plan because originally, the price for this hovered over $65.

However, Melissa and her the publisher’s have agreed to give this away for NOWHERE near that amount!

All in all, you’re getting:

And I’m even going to make sure that you don’t risk a penny when you pick up a copy of The Anti-Anxiety Recipe Plan today.

That’s because you’re backed by this…

I want to share this recipe book with you, at no risk.

All the pressure is on me.

Why am I doing this? 

Because I’ve been there.

I know what it feels like to try and make a difference in your health and well-being.

And I know how it is to try and make something healthy and delicious at the end of every anxiety-ridden day.

I get how complicated things can get in the kitchen.

So regardless if this is your first time on the paleo diet, or your first time cooking real, natural food that’s good for your health and well-being. 

I want you to experience the life-changing benefits I went through with these holistic, mind-soothing ingredients.

And The Anti-Anxiety Recipe Plan does just that.

You’re at a crossroads now.

You can do what I did and spend the next few months or even YEARS testing out every antidepressant you can imagine trying to get rid of your anxiety alone…

Spending thousands of dollars on doctors visits, therapy sessions, and more…

Only to still “get by” trapped inside your mental prison…

Or… you can skip all of that insanity, ditch the pills, and save a ton of money by investing in your health today.

And remember, Melissa’s publishers are giving away this $65+ value recipe plan… All for the price of a medium size pizza.

It’s an investment in your happiness … which I’m sure is worth a lot more to you than the tiny cost of this recipe book.

Don’t you agree?

And remember, you risk nothing. You have a full 60 days to try out these recipes in The Anti Anxiety Recipe Plan yourself.

If you’re not jumping with joy over your improved mood, clearer mind, and if you’re not excited about how mouth-watering these recipes are…

You don’t pay a dime. The recipe book will still be yours to keep, as a “thank you” for trying. 

Let’s do this — together — click the button below and claim your copy of The Anti-Anxiety Recipe Plan right now:

Q: How will these recipes get rid of my anxiety?

Your mind and body are connected. In fact, some doctors call your gut the “second brain.” That’s why whenever you feel nervous, your stomach may growl or you’ll feel a little queasy.

So if you’re feeding your body the wrong foods, you’ll notice you feel more anxious, sluggish, and just “not right.”

The delicious meals inside The Anti Anxiety Recipe Plan are backed by holistic mind-soothing ingredients you can use to nourish your “second brain.”

Q: Can I find all the ingredients in a normal grocery store?

Yes, almost all of the ingredients in The Anti Anxiety Recipe Plan can be found in regular grocery stores (i.e. Target, Kroger, Wal-Mart, Publix, etc…) They’re also all on Amazon if you want to shop from the comfort of your own home, and can definitely be found in health food stores like Whole Foods.

Q: Are all meals, including the desserts, paleo-approved?

Yes, all of the breakfast, entrées, sides, salads, soups, and desserts are paleo-approved.

Q: How hard is it to prepare each meal following this book?

A majority of the meals and desserts can be put together in 15 minutes or less (not including cook/chill time) – the recipes are meant to be easy to follow so you can whip up these tasty dishes and treats for yourself and your loved ones with minimal effort.

Q: What allergens are in The Anti Anxiety Recipe Plan?

Some of the potential allergens you may want to be aware of include coconut (coconut flour, coconut oil, coconut milk/cream, and coconut butter), nuts (like almonds, cashews, macadamia nuts, and pecans), and eggs. Options for using butter or ghee in some recipes can easily be replaced with coconut oil to avoid all dairy.

Q: Is The Anti Anxiety Recipe Plan really backed by a 100% money-back-guarantee?

Yes. You risk nothing. You have a full 60 days to try out these recipes in The Anti Anxiety Recipe Plan yourself.

If you’re not jumping with joy over your improved mood, clearer mind, and if you’re not excited about how mouth-watering these recipes are…

You don’t pay a dime. The recipe book will still be yours to keep, as a “thank you” for trying.

Q: I still don’t believe these recipes can end my intense anxiety. How is this different and what really makes this work?

Intense anxiety or depression is nothing to take lightly. I know, because I struggled with both for not months, but years. 

The Anti Anxiety Recipe Plan is different because it takes a natural, holistic approach to restore balance back to your mind, health, and well-being. 

Sure, sometimes the strongest medical pills out there can “temporarily” relieve your suffering…but why not attack a major source for your anxiety and nourish your mind with the right nutrients instead?

[elliegratrick-blog]

Virtual studio visit

Saskia Cameron- Email Conversation!

Me and my friend had organised a trip to go visit Saskia Cameron in Banks Mill Studio. I had found Saskia’s work on the Banks Mill website when looking what creators were based there. Her work instantly drew me in. I particularly like her  series of woodcut illustrated train tickets, following the West coast line. The blocky shapes, quite angular shapes used still show a sensitivity and sense of tranquility. The medium of printing means marks and textures come from the screens and lino which gives her work a lovely tactile feel. Unfortunately this visit was planned just around the time corona virus really became serious. It was safer for all our sakes to do the interview over email. It’s disappointing as I would have liked to see the space she works in and what is on offer after you graduate but not much can be done! 

How did you get into illustration? I studied illustration at Edinburgh College of Art - I had done a foundation before that and honestly I don't think I really got the opportunity to try enough stuff there, I wish it had been a bit less narrow! I knew I liked drawing and I was good at it, and I was too impatient to do animation at the time, so I picked illustration! But I think overall it was a good choice - what I really love about illustration is how good it is at transcending boundaries, and now I dabble in textiles, graphic design, all sorts. Top 3 illustrators that inspire you? Oh man this is a hard question. I love Sophy Hollington's work - I work a lot in woodcut and lino myself and it's great seeing that someone else is out there doing that too. It's a weird medium to work in nowadays as it can really restrict how you work to a deadline, but usually if a client wants it they're willing to put up with those restrictions. Roman Muradov is a really great illustrator in the truest sense of the word - his work is clever and clearly communicates concepts visually. Jesus Cisneros is brilliant, his work always pushes me to loosen up and open my horizons about what drawing and narrative can be. Honestly although I do look at a lot of illustration, I think the most important thing is to have people who AREN'T illustrators to inspire you, don't get stuck in an echo chamber of your own discipline. Other creative people who really inspire me are: Jon Zabawa (graphic designer, illustrator, art director, allsorts man) Braulio Amado (graphic designer artist type - he's prolific and so creative) Palefroi (this is arguably illustration, but they're a collective of two, and focus on print, art, installations, small press and animation) Ako Castuera (artist and ceramicist) Ali Smith (writer) And that's just contemporary people - I like to look at a lot of stuff from the past as well, and if you asked me next week I'd probably have a different list of people! When you create a new illustration, what is your process? Research > rough exploratory sketches > thumbnailing > work up a couple ideas > pick one and refine it into the final thing. What's your favourite thing to draw right now? I'm really into drawing people's gardens at the moment, especially those ones that are really overly 'done' you know, with sculpted hedges and garden gnomes and stuff. I just think they're really weird. Is illustration your sole income or is it managed around another job? Nope! My illustration work has always always been wrapped around at least one other job. This has varied from cafe/bar jobs, to admin jobs, to teaching. At the moment, I teach part time on the graphic design course at Nottingham Trent. Most illustrators I know work other jobs most of the time - it's pretty standard, especially at the start of your career. Personally I like this, I think I'd go a bit crazy if I was working alone on my own work all the time. I try and stay open to what my working week looks like, because at the end of the day I need an income, and freelance work can come and go. For me, I don't plan to ever go full-time freelance - I don't like the pressure it puts on my work, it can suck the joy out of it when you need it to provide all your food and shelter. Honestly I still consider myself fairly early career, I'm only 26 and it can take a really long time to carve out a creative career, particularly if you don't come from a wealthy background that can offer you a safety net. I worked full time my first year out of uni as a studio assistant, then went from that to working 3 jobs, then did a masters at Glasgow School of Art and now I've moved back home to Derby and until recently I've been working 3 jobs again! Wrapping an illustration career around that has been tough going, so for me it's only now that I feel I have the time and space to start making this all work properly. If illustration is an income, is the work you produce mainly through commissions/selling prints/etc? Mostly commissioned work! I need to develop more of a passive income, and I'd like to get into selling work more. So far it's mostly practicality that's been stopping me, as I've moved every year for the past 4 years. I'm hoping to be a bit more settled soon! Do you find putting your work out there on Instagram helps? And what’s your attitude towards social media? There's no good answer to this. Yes, it helps. I've had a fair bit of work come through Instagram - and most art directors/clients out there look at it even if its not their main way of finding illustrators. But it's not the be all and end all, the work I've had through it is just a product of having my work out there in the world for people to see - that's the important part. So exhibitions, physical and digital mailouts, networking in person, all of those things are just as likely to find you work. Social media is good for getting seen, but it can be a bit of a sinkhole. My attitude is to use it but not get too reliant on it - really I should be a lot better at updating mine, but I find real life gets in the way a lot! Thanks for reminding me to actually get organised with that. Do you find it more productive having a separate studio space vs working from home? Oh my god yes. But as a caveat - I have never had the luxury of a dedicated space at home. I think if I lived somewhere with a spare room I could convert to a studio it would have a pretty similar effect. Studios vary a lot too - I'm on my own in this one, but usually they're shared spaces. I think my dream scenario is to find shared studio space so I have other creative people around me to bounce ideas off and keep me motivated! I think however you work, it is important to get out now and then. Either for a walk or for your second job, whatever it is. If you can say What are your ambitions or future projects? My current plans are a bit up in the air at the moment with the corona virus! As I was saying above - I'm finally getting into a position to push my illustration career a bit, so I'm working on getting some new, self-directed work together. I'd like that work to be a bit multi-discliplinary, and to involve making work to sell so my income is a bit more diverse. I have a lot of big ambitious plans, but for this week I'm just focusing on keeping alive the commission that came in last week - I know it could be a difficult few months ahead and it could be my last in a while. After that, at least I'll have a lot of time to work on personal projects, so hopefully at least my portfolio will benefit! I have a collection of illustrations that I'm working on putting into a book of some kind, and I'm starting to work on getting a collection of prints, textiles and objects together over the next 6 months to start an online shop! I'm looking to get into a more permanent work/home/life set up soon, but who knows - life looks like it's being put on hold for a while. It’s really interesting to hear from an young illustrator and relieves my own internal pressure of having to ‘have my shit together’ as soon as I graduate. I am particularly interested in the people who inspire her as they are from a variety of disciplines. It motivates me to expand my horizons and not be so narrow focussing on work by illustrators. The rebellious and chaotic style of Bráulio Amado is something I’m really drawn to. It welcomes me to accept my own mistakes and be more loose and free with my drawings. Not worrying so much if a hand looks like a hand! The colours are vibrant and full of life. 

She mentions a shared studio space which something I hope for in the future.  Working on your own, I often get in my own head and overthink my pieces. Being in a space with other creatives definitely boosts your own creativity and you can ask questions. It gives another opinion on your work and ways to improve. A shared space opens up avenues for collaboration and collectives. Hopefully I will stay in contact with friends from uni and could be something we all do together!

Action plan:

definitely look at manicured gardens and draw my own! there needs to be a poodle or worm shaped bush

explore more artists from different avenues possibly looking at film/ book festivals for directors, authors

read more books (i have the time now we are quarantined)

[choclette8]

New year, new me, new you, perhaps. Veganuary is a good time to explore plant milks. And what a coincidence, there’s a splendid new book out which will help you do just that. Read on for a review of Plant Milk Power by Dr Aparna Prinja & Shital Shah. Plus there’s a chance to win a copy for yourself. You’ll also find a recipe for a delicious raspberry cashew nut milk smoothie.

AD – this is a review post. It contains affiliate links. See my cookie and privacy statement for further details.

Veganuary

For the second year running I’m taking the Veganuary challenge. I’m over a week in now and I’m loving it. This book along with the raspberry cashew smoothie has helped, but I just find it really exciting to come up with three meals a day that are entirely vegan. So far this year I’ve posted a recipe for roasted hazelnut bliss balls, but do watch out for some more substantial recipes further down the line.

You can find all of my Veganuary posts by clicking on the link. Most of them are recipes, but you might find these ideas for 31 healthy vegan breakfast recipes useful as well.

Plant Milk Power

Authors Dr Aparna Prinja and Shital Shah debunk the myth that plant milks are difficult to make. Their book, Plant Milk Power: delicious, nutritious and easy recipes to nourish your soul is stuffed with gorgeous recipes for easy and quick to make vegan milks and smoothies. There’s no need to strain or sieve anything. How fabulous is that?

From the title, I was expecting worthy recipes for conventional nut milks such as my hemp seed milk. But Plant Milk Power is actually a lot more interesting than that. The premise is that they are delicious drinks in their own right. Yes, you could add them to hot drinks or your cereal, but that’s not the real point of them. I haven’t tried to use them this way as they are sweetened with dates and I prefer my conventional milks to be unsweetened.

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Photo captured from Plant Milk Power.

Photo captured from Plant Milk Power.

As the subtitle suggests, the milks and smoothies are meant to be nourishing to both body and mind. So they taste good, look good and are healthy too. Dr Aparna Prinja is a professional nutritionist and Shital Shah runs a nutrition-based catering business. So I reckon their credentials for coming up with nutritious and tasty recipes are sound.

In Love with Plant-Based Milks

As well as recipes for various nut and seed milks, there are lots of what I’d call light smoothies. As you can see from the front cover, these are beautifully coloured and range from green to yellow to pink to purple. If you like green tea, I can highly recommend the matcha, chia and almond milk. My matcha is a bit past its best, so the photo below is not as vibrantly green as it should be. But it was still a great way to start my day. I’d definitely call it a smoothie rather than a milk though. The chia seeds made it quite thick.

Almond Matcha Smoothies.

The base recipes for the plant-based milks are interesting too. They not only include the usual suspects, but you’ll find pistachio milk, oat milk and sesame seed milk amongst other less obvious  ones. As for the smoothies, you can go safe, as in this raspberry cashew smoothie. Or you can go wild. The baobab, cacao, almond, chia and sesame seed calcium punch has just got to be tried.

Walnut milk is my new favourite thing. I was expecting it to be a bit bitter, but not at all. It’s absolutely delectable. You can see a photo of one I made further down the post.

Ingredients

At the back of the book, you’ll find an ingredient section. This not only tells you about linseeds, for example and their health benefits, but also shows a photo so that you can easily identify them. Possible allergies and intolerances are not forgotten either.

Standard nuts and seeds are covered in the first section. Although oats are a grain, they have a place too. The second section covers ingredients that are used both for flavour and health. These include baobab, cardamom, maple syrup, moringa and saffron. The final section is all about fruit. These have also been chosen for their health benefits as well as their flavour.

Although some of the ingredients take a bit of effort to find, many of them are everyday ones that you can buy anywhere. Many of the recipes require nuts or seeds, dates and water only. Oh! Don’t forget that pinch of kelp, if you so desire. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, read on.

Publisher Details

Plant Milk Power: delicious, nutritious and easy recipes to nourish your soul */ Dr Aparna Prinja & Shital Shah. Published by Meze Publishing in paperback with an RRP of £15. ISBN – 9781910863411.

If you like the sound of Plant Milk Power, head down to the bottom of the post where you’ll find the chance to win a copy.

What I Really Liked

I have to say I’m completely in love with this book. It’s just perfect for jumpstarting that healthy new year, whether or not you’re vegan or participating in Veganuary. Even if I get tempted by less healthy foods later in the day, I like a nutritious start. I also like my breakfasts to be interesting. There are so many good ideas in Plant Milk Power that I feel completely inspired. I can’t wait to get going with almond, cacao, chicory and walnut milk. Sadly, I threw out my chicory powder when I was having a clear out a few months ago. I wasn’t using it so thought the compost heap needed it more than I did. Oops!

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Photo captured from Plant Milk Power

Photo captured from Plant Milk Power

There are lots of good tips too. I’m already incorporating some of them into my morning smoothie. Iodine is one of the nutrients often lacking in plant based milks. It just so happens that kelp is full of it. So if you add a pinch to your morning milk or smoothie, it’s going to help. When I remember, which isn’t very often, I take a kelp supplement. But I’d far rather add it to a smoothie than take it on its own. It doesn’t affect the taste, so that’s an added bonus as far as I’m concerned. I’m not a fan of the flavour.

Walnut Milk.

Plus there are simple drink ideas to kickstart the day that are a lot healthier than coffee. As I may have mentioned, walnut milk is my new favourite drink. Every recipe sounds delicious and the photos are appealing. There are lots of pictures, so the book gets extra brownie points for that.

What Could Be Better

Really, there’s very little I can think of to improve Plant Milk Power. The main issue I have with the book is that it’s a paperback. I much prefer my cookery books to be hardbacks as I find paperbacks get tatty really quickly. Especially if they’re used as often as this one is likely to be.

The other niggle is that with my librarian’s hat on, I want and expect a recipe book to have an index. It makes it so much more useful. Whilst the book only has 43 recipes in it, it’s still quicker to go to an index to look for recipes with raspberries in, for example, than it is to trawl through the page of contents.

Top Tips

Overnight Soaking

You need to be organised. Every recipe requires overnight soaking of the nuts or seeds. I haven’t tried nearly as many of the recipes as I otherwise would have done as I keep forgetting to do this. Activating the nuts and seeds is key to these nourishing milks and smoothies.

Power Blender

You will need a power blender to make the plant milks in these recipes. An ordinary blender just won’t cut it. You need a machine that’s able to grind the nuts and seeds up finely enough to make a smooth milk.

As a Froothie ambassador, I have tried a number of power blenders. By far and away the best so far is the new glass-jugged Froothie Evolve*. I much prefer to blend in a glass jar as I’ve always been a bit wary of plastic. The Evolve is powerful and has a vacuum function so that the nutrients don’t oxidise. See my power blender review for more info on this. This makes your plant milks even more nutritious. Having said that the Nutri Force* is a powerful little blender which is the perfect size for the milks and smoothies in Plant Milk Power.

Raspberry Cashew Smoothie

It’s a rare occurrence for me to buy fruit and veg out of season. But when I spotted some reduced raspberries recently, I couldn’t resist. Raspberry cashew nut milk smoothie was one of the recipes in the book after all. Gosh, I can’t wait until the raspberry season so I can guzzle this again. Plus there’s a couple of other raspberry recipes I’d like to try. The raspberry and tiger nut smoothie has my name written all over it.

As you can imagine the combination of raspberries and cashew nuts is a really good one. The cashew nuts make for a particularly creamy milk and the raspberries provide colour and punch. But the ingredient that got me particularly excited was the addition of rosewater. As anyone who’s been following me for a while will know, I adore the combination of rose and raspberries. Initially I was tempted to use my rose syrup instead of rosewater. But I wanted to stay true to the recipe and not use refined sugar, so in the end I went with the ingredients as stated in the recipe.

These include lemon zest. What a lovely addition this is. And why haven’t I thought of using it before? It brings a bit of extra vibrancy as well as flavour. And lemon and raspberries are another good combination.

So, once you’ve soaked your cashews overnight, it’s just a case of whizzing everything up in a power blender. So simple and so quick.

Photo captured from Plant Milk Power.

Alternatively, you can add chia seeds and transform your raspberry cashew smoothie into a ‘Turkish Delight’ chia bowl.

Stay in Touch

Thanks for visiting Tin and Thyme. If you get hold of Plant Milk Power or try this recipe for raspberry and cashew nut smoothie, I’d love to hear about it in the comments below. Do share photos on your preferred social media site and use the hashtag #tinandthyme, so I can spot them.

For further book reviews and giveaways follow me on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram or Pinterest.

Plant Milk Power. PIN IT.

Raspberry Cashew Smoothie – The Recipe

Raspberry Cashew Smoothie

A zingy sweet and floral smoothie to wake you up in the morning. Packed full of nutrients, it's almost guaranteed to put a spring in your step.

6 cashew nuts ((about 9g))

150 g fresh raspberries

2 dates

1 tsp rosewater

½ organic lemon – zested

pinch of kelp powder

110 ml fresh water

Soak the cashews in 60ml water overnight.

In the morning, remove the cashews from the soaking water and place them in a power blender. Discard the water.

Add the remaining ingredients and whizz until you get a smooth smoothie. I used the smoothie function on my Froothie Evolve, then gave it an extra minute at speed 7.

To transform this into a ‘Turkish Delight’ chia bowl, just add 15g of chia seeds that have been soaked overnight in 60ml of water.

Please note: calories and other nutritional information are per serving. They’re approximate and will depend on exact ingredients used.

Sharing

I’m sharing this healthy and delicious raspberry cashew smoothie with The Peachicks Bakery for #CookBlogShare.

Plant Milk Power Giveaway

Meze Publishing is offering one Tin and Thyme reader a copy of Plant Milk Power. To be in with a chance of winning, please fill in the Gleam widget below. You will need to leave a comment on this post, answering the question, which then gives you additional chances to enter if you so wish. Gleam will pick a winner at random from the entries received. If you are commenting anonymously, please give me some way of identifying you as I will be verifying the validity of entries. Any automated entries will be disqualified.

This giveaway is only open to those with a UK postal address. Winners will need to respond within 5 days of being contacted. Failure to do this may result in another winner being picked. Leaving your details gives permission for them to be passed on to Meze Publishing should you be a winner in this giveaway.

Prizes are offered and provided by Meze Publishing and Tin and Thyme accepts no responsibility for the acts or defaults of said third party. Tin and Thyme reserves the right to cancel or amend the giveaway and these terms and conditions without notice.

Closing date is Saturday 8 February 2020

Plant Milk Power

Thanks to Meze Publishing for the copy of Plant Milk Power. They did not expect me to write a positive review and all opinions are, as always, my own. This post contains affiliate links to Amazon and Froothie Optimum products*. Links are marked with an *. If you buy through a link it won’t cost you any more, but I’ll get a small commission. Thanks to my readers for supporting the brands and organisations that help to keep Tin and Thyme blithe and blogging.

Raspberry Cashew Smoothie – Plant Milk Power New year, new me, new you, perhaps. Veganuary is a good time to explore plant milks. And what a coincidence, there's a splendid new book out which will help you do just that.