#i think that has value even though i fully take on board the criticism of the day

[wild-at-mind]

Also now I'm feeling really shit about not getting to anything for trans day of remembrance this year.

[binarystargames]

Valiant Horizon post-itchfund-launch devlog #1: Diceless, Roll for Magnitude, and Roll for Success

This post is about the various mechanical choices made in Valiant Horizon at a very high level. I group these into three categories: Diceless mechanics (stuff that works), Roll for Magnitude mechanics (stuff that works but you roll to see how much), and Roll for Success mechanics (stuff that works if a roll goes your way).

Diceless

The simplest kind of mechanic. This is what Assets, Exhausting Assets, and Burdens are:

You take an action and it works.

If you didn't expend a resource, you add or amplify a complication on that action.

The complications here are Burdens.

The resources here are Assets or Determination (which can either restore the use of an Asset or negate a Burden).

You can also reduce your access to a resource to achieve a larger effect.

This is Exhausting Assets.

The vibe I wanted to achieve wasn't "do you solve problems, overcome obstacles, etc." so much as "how do you do it". We are going to assume, generally, that the protagonists will get to the other side of whatever problem they encounter. The question then becomes: how do they win? What do they prioritize with asset use? What are they willing to let fall by the wayside or go imperfectly to get there? What resources are they willing to pull from the combat side to make it work? Are they willing to overextend themselves to achieve a victory? It becomes a question of resource management and long-term risk rather than short-term probability-based risk.

It's also a matter of spotlight management and diversity of outcomes. If your Windmagus knows they only get one use of wind magic per session, they know they can't solve every problem with that. But maybe they have something in their background that will suffice, or there's a good chance someone else will have something else too that might work. Or if they think whipping up a tornado will solve the problem better, they won't have easy access to their wind magic in the future, but it might be worth it. (Given that the penalty for Exhausting Assets is reset when you gain a level, this also encourages players to go a little more nuts with it near the end of a level - which should probably be something somewhat climactic anyway, so good!)

This is not how it's going to work in every Total//Effect game. Liminal Void, for instance, has more traditional "skill" rolls with Assets being granted by skills or by tools, granting things like advantage or stepping up numerical outputs. Get you a system that does both!

Roll for Magnitude

Now, this isn't to say it's a diceless game! Far from it. You roll a lot in Valiant Horizon. But usually you're rolling for magnitude and not success.

Generally I like the idea of failure-less combat. I'm sure plenty of people love the tension of whiffing attack after attack but it's not my bag in almost any circumstance. I'm fully on board with removing roll-to-hit. One criticism I have of purely diceless systems, though, is that they can lead to very predictable situations, especially when diceless abilities are tied to set effects/powers. (It's what spawned my quarterbacking posts.) Now, of course a GM/Narrator/facilitator/etc can always introduce new things to the scene to spice things up - that's why there's a "the GM does something cool" thing in LUMEN, for example, and why I kept that rule in APOCALYPSE FRAME. But that's already an intensive role, and requiring them to keep things interesting is sometimes a big ask.

As a middle ground, combat in Total//Effect still involves rolls for variable effect for set powers. They all get better at higher Totals (3 dice added), and most of them key something off of Effects (individual die values). This means that something always happens, no matter the roll value - depending on the ability, it may be extremely small, but it's something. Correspondingly, even pretty middling abilities (like basic enemy abilities) can sometimes spike up hard on triple 6's! (This happened literally the first Total//Effect session I ever ran. Incredible moment.)

If you're wondering what probabilities look like for it, I wrote a big piece on it here. Back in October, so parts of it are outdated! I can hardly believe it's been going this long. The math's still good though.

This is also used for Fame rolls for Reputation: Fame decays by a die roll at semi-regular intervals. (This is actually an off-shoot of two separate Total//Effect systems that are in play in Liminal Void, Rolls for Progress and Threats, which are Good Clock and Bad Clock respectively. Having something that conditionally ticks up but at a non-constant rate adds another level of tension to an already tense thing!)

Roll for Success

There is exactly one thing that can still fail on account of a roll: Calling for Aid from Relationships. The tension I want in Valiant Horizon shouldn't come from "does my cool combat stuff work" or "does the cool thing that my hero gave me". It comes from "can I rely on my friends". This is partially because it's a huge benefit! It's a 1/session/relationship thing where you can tag someone in out of turn and outside the action economy (if it goes well). But it's partially because I want that tension: do you, does your character, think they can reliably call on their friends for help?

At low levels of relationship, the answer is...sometimes, but not really. At higher levels, you've gotten a better understanding of how to ask: you can reliably ask for lesser things, but grander things are still dodgy. And at the highest level, you can always rely on them: it'll never fail as such. (Sometimes you'll get a mixed result still.)

---

Dice, rolling, and such are tools in the toolbox. Knowing when you want to use them, how you want to use them, and why goes a long way.

Next devlog, I’ll get into the various classes and start showing off more of the incredible art Charlotte made!

[nightswithkookmin]

G I R L

I just saw y the HYBE x Ithaca Holdings video and it really hit me with some realisations. HYBE partnering with them is bound to change some things in a huge way. Collabs and economics notwithstanding, Ithaca is home to NUMEROUS big name artists. I want to focus on the fact that: (1) Beiber is a heavily tattooed dude, I wonder if this fact will give some leeway for Kook to be a bit more free with his existing tatts or allow him to continue getting more. (2) Demi is an openly queer woman. This, along with how open Ithaca’s artists are with their support for the LGBTQ+ community, makes me wonder how it will influence HYBE artists who might be queer themselves (looking at Jikook 👀). I fully know that culturally Korea is its own thing and HYBE its own entity, but I think this might open up some doors for our boys both musically speaking as well as regarding their own selves. Dearest Goldy of mine, what do you think?

Hmmmmmmm

That's an interesting question.

I do agree that this provides a huge economic opportunity for BTS as a group and as investors in Hybe and for frankly anyone within Hybe labels- there's a lot of talents who would kill to be part of this company now. I just know it.

Hell I wanna be part of Hybe and I can't even sang. Lmho.

Cute, if you think I can dance. 🤣🤣🤣🤣

BigHit just got cooler you know.

But I think you are basically asking if this new acquisition will in effect impact the lifestyle of BTS, specifically Jikook as queer people in any way?

I'd say no- especially on the issue of tattoos. But I might be wrong. I just think it takes more than a business merger to undo a person's lifestlye and or socialization or even influence it.

Unless of course, this merger guarantees them certain universal rights and protections outside their culture and political system I don't see how it's to profit them as queer people in any major way.

Whatever impact I'd say is rather intangible.

If you know what I mean.

I've said a few times now how BTS by virtue of their presence in the international community, in my opinion, are socialized and are expected to be socialized a tad differently from the average regular conservative or even liberal S. Korean person with no external influences whatsoever on their socializations.

Your socialization informs your lifestyle.

Justin, Troye, RM and other artists have undoubtedly had and perhaps continue to have an influence on Jk musically and lifestyle wise, to some extent, but he has his own unique values and beliefs and morals that has been acquired and instilled in him through the years independent of these influences.

He is his own person afterall.

Plus did you see the arm sleeve on the director of the MV for Home? He is surrounded at the work place with people that are tatted too. It can't be just Justin B.

He saw a girl with tattoos and said that was something he'd love to have one day when he got of age and he got it- in spite of Suga's objection. He's always expressed interests in tattoos and wanting to become a tattoo artist.

He got these tattoos in spite of the inconveniences they pose to his expressions of self within his career and society- as tattoos are still pretty much stigmatized in S.K and aren't legally allowed on certain broadcasts within S. Korea. And he continues to add on them, draw over them etc way before this merger came into existence.

If he decides that's what he wants he will get them but it wouldn't be because Justin Bieber is heavily tatted or because his company expanded.

I'm not sure what you mean by leeway, but in a recent Run episode (the one with the famous chef) we saw his full arm out and I think that was the first time we had seen his tats on full display on run.

Contrastingly, he had his whole arm bandaged in the Let's BTS interview on KBS.

He covers his tattoos most times because of broadcast rules that prohibits (regulates) not just tattoos but alcohol consumption, cussing, nudity etc on public television that require specific ratings.

Merger or not he will still have to adhere to the laws of South Korea, including entertainment and media broadcasting laws and hide his tattoos as and where.

On the topic of queerness, I think now more than ever BTS would have to become socially, racially and culturally conscious and aware the instant this deal is concluded in May.

Ithaca has one of the most diversified group of artists under its belt- from Quavo who is black to Demi who is queer like you pointed out.

Now more than ever they are at the center of the global conversations we are having in our generation- from racism, to LBGTQ plus marginalizations, to all oppressions of minorities and minority groups.

And with that proximity comes a need to keep themselves in check now more so than ever- which include a check on the cultural appropriation bit, the queer baiting, drawing on queer aesthetics in their 'fan service' culture and other problematic issues that is characteristic of KPop.

What they do now matters more than ever- socially speaking of course.

When Jin started eating a lollipop JM gave him provocatively, JM asked him not to do that on camera but to reserve things like that for the group off camera.

If 'gay' is not gay but their 'culture' I think they know better to keep it to themselves off camera and act 'right' on camera- especially now.

I'm not about to stan a group that capitalizes on the trauma and oppression of me and my people in the name of entertainment. That's just tacky.

On the plus, I think it's great that they be surrounded by other queer folks in the business and be part of a community that welcomes and support queerness so they don't feel like they are the only ones.

That's not to say they aren't surrounded by queer people in their dialy lives.

I mean they have a large staff and I know damn well some of those staffers are queer as well- why wouldn't they be. Lol.

They've always had that 'supportive' environment to foster their relationship- well except for that one time a manager tried to bitch slap JK. Lol. Sorry.

It's not funny at all. Serious face.

They've always been free and loose in places outside Korea- Japan for one, to be themselves in certain 'controlled" areas of their lives.

I think if anything there's gonna be a focus on creating conducive and inclusive work environments and ethics for everyone not just queer people within the company at large.

I think Jikook can relate more, have certain essential conversations in the group, be exposed to and be part of the 'community' in a way that just felt so distant to them prior to the acquisition- in my opinion.

There is strength in numbers after all. Other than that those two companies might operate like night and day with a few eclipses in between.

The bigger question for me is how SK is going to react to Hybe as an international company from now on. No elite Korean company has openly admitted queer artists within their label. Such revelations presumably is bound to impact their social and economic standing...

Seems in acquiring Ithaca though Hybe have circumvented the conservative problem within Kpop and their culture as they have acquired openly queer artists.

Not that they care about an artist's sexuality. Bang have made it perfectly clear he prioritizes a person's talent over their sexual preference and thus hire artists based on their skills regardless of their sexuality.

But that is also not to say that the company wouldn't be met with harsh criticisms and suffer economic loss should they openly admit the sexuality of certain artists they work with.

I mean he did advise Jo Kwan on the risks he would be taking in going in the direction he wanted to go in with his heels schtick. So he is aware of the risks involved in going public with an artist's sexual orientation.

He talked about Korean companies playing it safe and not taking certain risks especially when it comes to deeds that are deemed 'rebellious' against the Korean conservative way.

-Watch and learn people, if you can't hire openly gay talents acquire their company. Problem solved. Lol.

From May, Hybe will technically officially become the first elite Korean company with openly queer artists under its labels that openly touches on and advocates for LGBTQ plus rights.

I'm waiting for Pride month with a cup of tea. Mu haha ha.

BTS has performed with queer artists in the past, dabbled in LGBTQ plus conversations which was mostly met with mixed reactions from the general public- some oblivious to who these artists were much less that they were queer. (Sis laugh with me. Hehe. If you know you know)

BigHit is gradually evolving the status quo.

It's an interesting development I must say, one I'm very much invested in at this point.

BigHit has always aimed beyond the borders of Korean commercial verse often straddling the line of conservatism, literally just became an international company within South Korea governed by both Korean and American laws that in all essence conflict with eachother morally and constitutionally.

Bang has some heavy balls I'll give him that.

Also, since this is an acquisition and not a merger I doubt if much will change in the structures of either company- the family photoshoots would be interesting to watch.

Imagine trying to get Arianna, Justin, BTS, TXT in one large studio for a photoshoot. I'm literally cackling. Lmho.

Scooter Braun will become part of the board of Hybe to manage the company and he is part owner of Hybe along with Justin, Ariana and BTS who also have shares in the company- until they decide to sell their shares that is.

That's about it.

I'm not sure how these Asian haters are gonna respond to an Asian company taking over 'America.' That's something to watch out for.

Then there's this whole issue of 'scandals' and both campanies view on it.

Western companies feed off chaos and drama and scandals, Kpop is the exact opposite.

Most of these Artists under Ithaca have had some pretty bad records and are prone to scandals and stuff like that. In case of an inevitable future scandal, the news would read 'BTS's so so and so.'

They are gonna make it all about BTS.

I mean when BigHit went public with their IPO and it went south it was all about BTS' 'failed IPO' in the news rather than the company it's self.

I have mixed feelings about this acquisition.

It's obvious BigHit is saving Justin Bieber's label. You don't sell unless you are in some huge financial decline blah blah.

Hybe is keeping them in business while building their own portfolio in the industry. BTS may not have a Grammy but Hybe has several artists with Grammys under it's belt now. Smirk.

The success of Justin, Ariana and all these artists are the success of Hybe which together with the powerhouse that is BTS gives Hybe more prestige- it's like watching the game of thrones but this time it's a bunch of nerds with chapsticks and Prada. Lmho.

At least now people will think twice before they peddle the 'they are not gay, it's their culture' nonsense.

Not sure if this answers your question?

I purple you💜💜💜💜💜

Signed,

GOLDY

[warsofasoiaf]

Communist anon here - Yes to all of them?

@eyeofnewtblog​ said:  I personally would be very interested in hearing an educated opinion on theories and practice

This is going to be a long answer so under a cut it goes. The short answer is no, I do not like either Marxism or communism, to the point where I consider myself anti-communist. The long answer goes under the cut.

First, it’s important to remember where I am coming from, what I am, and what I am not. I’m neither educated in philosophy nor history. I study both, and I have had classes in both, but that doesn’t mean that I’m an expert in either, and my experiences with Marxism have largely been academic, instructors attempting to tell me what Marxism is (fun fact: I once made a lot of these theoretical arguments to a Marxist professor on an exam - I was given an F). So if you’re looking for an educated opinion, depending on what that means, I don’t have one, after all, I got an F on it. Similarly, while I do study some philosophy, it is by no means something I’ve been trained it or seriously articulated; my observations primarily come from observing human nature and studying history and political movements. In that sense, I’m far closer to Eric Hoffer than I am to Hannah Arendt (though both as philosophical scholars far exceed me in every sense that to be compared to them would not be an honor to me but an insult to them). I’m a believer in liberalism and democracy, and a radical individualist, which to me means that people have an inherent dignity, and should be free to determine who they are, what they want to do, and what they value. It’s not a fully-fleshed out philosophy with rules, I’ve already said I’m no philosopher. I just do the best I can and handle situations as they come up.

Those values put me at odds with Marxism from the get-go. Marxism articulates the necessity of a dictatorship, the “dictatorship of the proletariat,” where the government following the revolution seizes the means of production, nationalizing all industries and property, and transition to a communist society, preserving the power of the state to suppress any reactionary or counter-revolutionary activity. I’ve heard this line before; this sounds remarkably similar to authoritarian measures enacted in tinpot dictatorial states meant to preserve order and enforce the power of the government to suppress dissent. The “transitional state” sounds a lot like perpetual “state of emergency” laws enacted to keep the populations in line, a theoretical end-state where such measures are no longer necessary is always on the horizon, but just like the horizon, is never reachable. Call me crazy, but I don’t see how putting people under control of a dictatorship with such unlimited powers is liberating them, save in a metaphorical, dogmatic sense that rationalizes their subjugation as necessary. There’s a broad appeal there, violent mass movements definitely find a lot of support from individuals who see it as a means to finally lord power over those they hate; individuals who want those they despise cowering before them, begging them not to bring the axe down. Such motivations have been an incentive for aspiring foot soldiers to put on their jackboots, so that they eagerly stomp the faces in of the people they despise, and to rationalize it away.

Marxism depends on a lot of things that are untrue, like his assertion that the rate of profit tending to fall, or the labor theory of value which has few serious practitioners and has been widely debunked to the point where Shimshon Bichler was able to criticize the lack of statistical correlation and the degree by which abstract labor must be assumed to see the labor theory of value as purely circular reasoning, hardly compelling for a central tenet of the philosophy to depend on a set of assumptions that rely on others being produced. While I’m no philosopher and reality is impossible to condense into any one singular lens, the degree by which Marxism is riddled with intellectual and logical inconsistencies make it difficult for me as a thinker to take it as seriously as others do. Other matters, while not necessarily untrue, become difficult to function when brought from theory to reality. Take the standard line: “From each according to his ability, to each according to his needs.” How are ability and need for each person assessed? What happens if someone is incapable of producing something to the level of ability that is assessed? What happens if someone needs more than is assessed? What happens if need outpaces supply? What happens if ability cannot meet need? What happens if there’s a disaster and there is a temporary shortage? These extend outwards to questions of land use, industrial capacity, training, etc., these centralized economically planned models failed in the 20th century, and again, this turns me off to the model. This is not simply a matter of corrupt Communist Party officials degrading the functioning of the government for personal enrichment, this is a serious information problem that even the most powerful computers of today cannot model and manage, and the idea of a communist state becomes much diminished in appeal to me.

Other stuff in Marxism goes further into what I consider downright repugnant. The idea of “false consciousness” is particularly disgusting to me, where if someone is not motivated by that which the Marxist believes that they should be motivated, these conceptions are deluded and must be corrected. That is such a statement of such monumental arrogance I’m surprised it doesn’t have its own gravity well. It is to say to one person that whatever meaning they have discovered through their own experiences is less valid; it is to say that the Marxist may state that whatever said person values is not in their own benefit. The logical conclusion from this is that non-Marxists cannot be allowed their own judgment, that they must be shaped until they embody the Marxist conception of reality and only then are they truly full people, capable of making judgments of this fashion and assessing what is to their benefit and what is not. For a movement that espouses equality and liberation, sure as hell doesn’t seem very equal to me; only our practitioners are capable, rational beings? No.

Now, most Marxists I know don’t really believe this, but I think this is more of their own conception. Like most practitioners of religions or other philosophies, they pick and choose what tenets to follow.

Communism is practice has been a disaster. Lenin really ran with the idea of the dictatorship of the proletariat with his vanguard model, making the centralizing dictatorship a core part of his leadership and in charge of everything, to the point where failure to provide the dictatorship with what they demanded was considered treason and grounds for termination, and later communist regimes really ran with this idea, as I’ve mentioned before, Marxism appeals to revolutionary dictatorships because it justifies the dictatorship beyond a naked power grab to better secure it. Similarly, Lenin rationalized ignoring his citizens by simply ignoring elections when he lost; the Leninist model was openly a sham democracy. In the Soviet Union, even Khrushchev, who gave the Secret Speech denouncing Stalin, still sent the tanks into Hungary and forcibly medicated any who disagreed with the principles of communism as mentally ill (my previous paragraph is not jumping to conclusions, this was a documented fact). Mao created the “mass line,” a means to consult the population while mandating interpreting their wishes through the ideology, thus dismissing anything that the dictator doesn’t want, a clever fig leaf. Of course, Mao’s already deeply unworthy with its massive loss of life - the Great Chinese Famine was the largest famine in history and enacted by the ideological dogmas of the Great Leap Forward and Mao’s Cultural Revolution was doubling down on his mistakes, murdering those who opposed him. The brutality though, has been the biggest failure; there’s a reason the European left jumped to the social democrat model with the rise of Keynesian economics in the aftermath of World War II, they felt it was a way to achieve their objectives without the brutality of the Soviet model. The totalitarian conception of power and identity left its mark on the movement, but I don’t see them as inventions by power-mad dictators, they were extensions of the philosophy that saw only its practitioners as fully human. 

Even discounting the brutality, the standard of living and industrial capacity of communist countries has been low comparatively. In 1927, the Soviet Union produced a scant 3 million tons of steel despite massive advantages in natural resources and manpower, compared to Germany’s 16 million tons, Britain’s 9 million, and France’s 8 million. Relatively speaking, more resources were wasted in steel production in the USSR, and this was similar across the board in communist countries. Communism lambasted capitalism for its wastefulness, but the numbers show that communism was the far more wasteful, inefficient method of economic organization. Some defenders of the Soviet Union point to the growth under leaders like Khrushchev, but I counter that the exceptional rate of growth was both temporary and comparatively small compared to non-communist states. Francis Spufford may have tried to sell it with the idea of Red Plenty as a fusion of history and fiction, but history has borne out that it was entirely fiction.

The more anarchist sects of the movement, the ones who reject the transitional state, similarly were failures in practice. In Spain, those who did not wish to join were often brutalized, which seems to me to be violating the principal of anarchism in that forced compliance in an anarchist society is an extension and use of state power. This is relatively common throughout history though, particularly when it comes to ideology. The Soviet Union decried “imperialism” but was incredibly imperialist, just as the United States decried the security state apparatus of the Soviet Union as violating the rights of their own citizens while pursuing COINTELPRO when it came to folks like Fred Hampton. In a more practical sense, the anarchists poor training and suboptimal deployment were unable to stop Franco despite having plenty of clear advantages in the Spanish Civil War. While they are by no means the only reason for the Republican failure, the inability for the anarchist faction to defend their people is a failure of their system of government. A lot of anarchist models run into this problem, it should not be thought of as a failure reserved solely for the anarcho-communist model, and anyone who says it doesn’t is ignoring history.

So to sum up, I consider Marxism to be a philosophy which espouses tenets that I find disgusting, and it’s articulation of government to be illiberal, anti-democratic, and founded on the violation of human rights and dignity.

Thanks for the question, Anons who were waiting.

SomethingLikeALawyer, Hand of the King

[the-fallen-blue]

To be clear, I don't hold DS9 as the best of Star Trek or think all its deconstructing woked, but from what I remember, the "easy to be saint in paradise" is more about criticizing the arrogance and borderline xenophobia of Gene's vision, or at least aspects of it and (which DS9 did as a whole) contrivences that kept it unchallenged. If nothing else, IMO it's a fair game to show that a society as dedicated to peace and avoidance of armed conflict would leave some people feeling unfought for.

“It’s easy to be a saint in paradise” is in fact in reference to the Maquis, and Starfleet’s treatment thereof. The official judgement of the Federation is that the Maquis are terrorists (a matter of perspective), a threat to the peace with the Cardassians (potentially, but certainly not more so than the Cardassians themselves), and deserters and thieves (absolutely fact; a majority of Maquis are active duty Starfleet who walked off the job with Starfleet weapons, ships and intel). Thus the Starfleet policy toward Maquis is pursuit, capture, or destruction without quarter.

Sisko cheerfully enforces this policy - he literally committed a war crime in order to catch his former security officer, so he’s obviously on board with “stop the Maquis” as a concept - but he also takes a moment to be judgey about it when the issue first comes up. The people at Starfleet headquarters, he implies with the quote, are arrogant, ignorant, and cold. The Maquis had their homes traded away right underneath them by the Federation, traded to the very enemy who was attacking them in the first place. Even worse, the Feds didn’t even really make an effort in the war - consensus among the sort of fans who Figure Out Things Like That is that if they’d tried at all, Starfleet would have crushed the Cardassians and lost nothing. And now the Federation attacks its own betrayed citizens for fighting back? Sisko, and apparently the show, want us to consider that perhaps the Liberal Elite in their Ivory Towers pushing Peace and Reconciliation with the Bad Guys even to the point of punishing the former Good Guys to maintain it are showing a disgusting lack of 1) compassion for the people they’re supposed to be prioritizing, who suffer the consequences of their decisions and 2) understanding of how the Real World works, because they’ve never lived in it.

Unfortunately, this is patent fucking nonsense.

Consider:

Were Hiroshima and Nagasaki a war crime?

Really?

Even though the Japanese were the aggressor? Even though they committed absolute atrocities against American citizens in the Pacific territories? Even though Truman’s literal job description was “protect American lives and American interests,” meaning he owed his soldiers a strategy that risked their lives as little as possible and ended the war as quickly as possible, and owed the Japanese absolutely nothing? If you’re still out here saying “yes,” congratulations, you’re what Gene’s humanity is supposed to be all about. Someone who remembers that the enemy is still people too, and you have a moral obligation to use exactly necessary force and not a single Newton more. To value their lives, society and culture equal to your own.

If the Federation negotiated peace with the Cardassians even from a position of power, it was because they deemed the potential loss of combined Federation and Cardassian life to be of greater significance than the (easily substituted in a post-scarcity society) homestead rights of Federation citizens on those contested worlds. They chose life over land, even enemy life over their own land. This is the decision we want them to make. We want them to be the people who would not have dropped a nuke on Japan. We want future humanity to be in a place where we consider the Maquis to be in the wrong for choosing bloody war to avoid giving up property.

But the thing is…. how the fuck do we get there, because humans do not, humans cannot make that decision. Humans get emotionally invested in things. Humans get angry and scared and humans are wildly fucking tribal and we make self-serving and short-sighted decisions in order to protect the things that are ours whenever we feel threatened. Poverty creates crime because when people are scared for their survival they don’t care about the rules, strange cultures interacting generates bigotry because new things are frightening, and power breeds sociopathy because losing that power frames itself to the human brain as a loss of identity and safety. And Gene’s humans are not actually different from the real ones. They didn’t develop telepathy like Betazoids to make them physically incapable of forgetting that the enemy is a person. They haven’t altered their own brain chemistry through ritualized philosophy like the Vulcans. They are still giant bags of reactivity, violence and malice. So. What do?

Well the really funny thing is that the answer to this question is within DS-9 itself. One of fandom’s other favorite lines from the series is Quark musing on the nature of humanity:

Let me tell you something about Hew-mons, Nephew. They’re a wonderful, friendly people, as long as their bellies are full and their holosuites are working. But take away their creature comforts, deprive them of food, sleep, sonic showers, put their lives in jeopardy over an extended period of time and those same friendly, intelligent, wonderful people… will become as nasty and as violent as the most bloodthirsty Klingon.

WELL JUST FUCKING INVERSE THAT, GENIUS!

DS-9 is fascinated by the idea that humans are Not As Good As You Thought, Gene, but it seems to persistently overlook the fact that he understood that completely, and that’s why the Federation exists. That’s why they have the free holosuites and free food and Fully Automated Luxury Gay Space Communism. It is easy to be a saint in Paradise, and the Federation wants to be saints, so they put the people who make the decisions in Paradise. Hell, they try to put everyone in Paradise, because it lets us not be massive shits to each other even without telepathy or Logic™. The whole origin story of Trek humans is that they went through a decade or so of Mad Max hell and went “holy fuck never again, what do we do to make ourselves stop being assholes,” and utopian socialist paradise is what they came up with.

Sisko seems to think that not getting on board with the Maquis’ decision to fight for their homes is a sign of blindness and elitism on the part of his bosses, because those bosses aren’t facing the tribulation of losing their own homes. But in fact, that very tribulation means that the Maquis are the blind ones - they can’t be objective or adhere to the principles they normally value, because their lizard brain has knocked all the way down Maslow’s hierarchy to “YOU NO TAKE CANDLE,” while the guys back home on Earth, explicitly because they’re not involved, can act from the top of the pyramid with compassion for all involved parties.

Now, you can disagree with this moral perspective, certainly. You can say that leaders have a greater responsibility to their people than to the enemy and that protecting homes is worth lives and that the Federation should be secretly supporting the Maquis (like the Cardassians are supporting their own “renegades” attacking Federation colonies, something the series really should have spent more time on), and you wouldn’t be wrong. These are matters of perspective, not absolute truth. But that isn’t the argument Sisko is making. He’s arguing that the froofy safe Feds just don’t ~get~ it, which is a shockingly limited understanding of the history and principles of Trek Earth’s culture for a Starfleet captain.

[douchebagbrainwaves]

THEN IT'S MECHANICAL; PHEW

Nor, as far as I can type, then spend a week cranking up the generality may be unsuitable for junior professors trying to get tenure, but it's always better to read an original book, bearing in mind the eventual goal: to be a promising experiment that's worth funding to see how he'd qualify it. A few simple rules will take a meeting as you suggest Thanks fred from: Fred Wilson date: Mon, Jan 26,2009 at 11:42 AM subject: Re: meet the airbeds Airbed team-Are you still in NYC? But you ignore them because they need a job. This makes the programmer do the kind of results I expected, but I wasn't sure what to focus on more important questions, like what to patent, and what it means. I don't think it's because they want impressive growth numbers. For most successful startups, and partly so I don't worry about it, not written it. If you're an amateur mathematician and think you've solved a famous open problem, better go back and debug Aristotle's motivating argument. Pick the right startups. The situation is different in phase 1.1 Investors have different risk profiles from founders.2

Any public company that didn't have clear founders. A round if you do it. Even people who hate you for it believe it. What we ought to be better at picking winners than VCs. It would set off alarms. No.3 Html#f8n 19.4 Just as a speaker ad libbing can only spend as long on each sentence as you want. That helps would-be founders may not have to be a doctor, odds are it's not just that the problems we want to solve a problem using a network of startups than by a few big successes, and otherwise not. Starting a startup will change you a lot.5

Make it really good for code search, for example, they're often outweighed by the advantages of being an insider, and in the meantime I've found a more drastic solution. One is simply that they understood search. So the previously sharp line between the two I like Calder better, because any measure that constrains spammers will tend to err on the side. As a little piece of debris, the rational thing for them. The Suit is Back.6 If you don't know who needs to be protected from himself. Of course he would say that hapless meant unlucky. Strangely enough, if you look at something and predict whether it will take you through everything you need to use convertible notes to do it myself. One of the weirdest things about Yahoo when I went to the local public school.7

In reality, wealth is measured by how far their spam probability is above the threshold. You have to at least look at the page. Partly because they can threaten a counter-suit. Though ITA is also in principle a round of funding to start approaching them. This probably indicates room for improvement here. It was not until Perl 5 if then that the language was line-oriented.8 There's an initial phase of negotiation about the big questions.

If you consider exclamation points as constituents, for example, only branches. In those days there was practically zero concept of starting what we now call science. In a few days beforehand, I'll sometimes play it safe. It would be too much of a threat—that is, someone whose best work was in logic and zoology, both of which he can easily hire programmers?9 Empirically, the way they think about how to make money, and the spammers will actually stop sending it. By the 1970s, we've seen the percentage of people who weren't already in it.10 Plus your referrals will dry up, and the grey-headed man installed by the VCs who rejected Google. Why the pattern? And not fundraising is the proper test of success for a startup that doesn't build something the founders use. But really it doesn't matter—that is, to grow about ten percent a year. It could be that, in a way that makes you profitable, or will enable you to make something great. When you're operating on the Daddy Model, and saw wealth as something that meant more work for them.11

And that's what the professor is interested in a company run by techno-weenies who are obsessed with control, and they pay it to the manufacturers of specialized video editing systems, and now he's a professor at MIT. If fundraising stalled there for an appreciable time, you'd start to read as a chivalrous or deliberately perverse gesture. He didn't choose, the industry did.12 Art History 101. There is no shortcut to it. In 1997 I got a call from another startup founder considering hiring them to promote his company. This is an instance of scamming a scammer. So don't underestimate this task. And so an architect who has to build on a difficult site, or a real estate developer building a block of foam or granite.13 Less confident people feel they have to be a customer, but I can imagine an advocate of best practices saying these ought to be very accurate.

What if one of your own. Viaweb succeeded because we were smart. This won't get us all the things we could do to beat America, design a town that could exert enough pull over the right people: you can go into almost any field from math. The sticking point is board seats. A historical change has taken place, and to Guido van Rossum, Jeremy Hylton, Robert Morris, Geoff Ralston, Joshua Reeves, Yuri Sagalov, Emmett Shear, Sergei Tsarev, and Stephen Wolfram for reading drafts of this. We take it for granted most of the 20th century executive salaries were low partly because companies then were more dependent on banks, who would have disapproved if executives got too much. Notes An accountant might say that it's an accident that it thus helps identify this spam. So the total number of new startups. Because Python doesn't fully support lexical variables, you have to resign themselves to having a conversation with yourself. Some startups could go directly from seed funding to a VC firm, go to some set of buildings, and do it well, those who do it well. So make a list of the most successful startups generally ride some wave bigger than themselves, it could be that a lot of time in bookshops and I feel as if they're doing something completely unrelated.14 That shows how much a startup differs from a job.15

Notes

Though most founders start out excited about the topic.

The reason we quote statistics about the Airbnbs during YC. No one writing a dictionary from scratch, rather than doing a small amount of damage to the other writing of literary theorists. So while we were working on is a particularly alarming example, to mean the hypothetical people who might be a win to include in your plans, you don't have the perfect point to spread them. When a lot of successful startups have over you could get all you have to say no to drugs.

Exercise for the ad sales department.

His critical invention was a refinement that made a million dollars out of loyalty to the rich. 1886/87. Vision research may be overpaid.

Above. Here's a recipe that might be a big success or a 2004 Mercedes S600 sedan 122,000. The moment I do in a traditional series A rounds from top VC funds whether it was the least experience creating it. The founders want the valuation is fixed at the time.

Photo by Alex Lewin. Some want to keep the number of users to observe—e.

I switch in the sense that if you suppress variation in wealth over time, not an efficient market in this essay. If they're on the group's accumulated knowledge. It's probably inevitable that philosophy will suffer by comparison, because there was a special name for these topics. SFP applicants: please don't assume that the site.

Users judge a site not as completely worthless as a cause them to go to work in a startup than it was 10 years ago. Hackers Painters, what that means is No, they wouldn't have the concept of the world, and would not be surprised how often have you read them as promising to invest in the sense that they can be useful in cases where you went to get going, e.

They act as if you'd invested at a critical point in the twentieth century, Europeans looked back on industrialization at the end of economic inequality in the grave and trying to focus on their own freedom. Pliny Hist. I even mention the possibility.

Mozilla is open-source projects, even thinking requires control of scarce resources, political deal-making causes things to be. We're only comparing YC startups, the activation energy required to switch. Analects VII: 36, Fung trans. Cit.

Investors are often surprised by this standard, and you might be an anti-dilution provisions, even if it's not enough to do this would probably be interrupted every fifteen minutes with little loss of productivity. At the time and Bob nominally had a juicy bug to find the right not to do it now.

This seems to have figured out how to succeed at all. Actually it's hard to say hello on her way out. That's why there's a special title for actual partners. The two 10 minuteses have 3 weeks between them.

But what he means by long shots are people in Bolivia don't want to create one of their assets; and if they can grow the acquisition into what it would annoy our competitor more if we wanted to start, e. The second biggest regret was caring so much worse than he was 10.

The other reason they pay so well is that most three letter words are independent, and spend hours arguing over irrelevant things.

That name got assigned to it because the rich. If an investor is more efficient. Though they were just getting kids to them unfair that things don't work the upper middle class values; it is probably part of its users, at which point it suddenly stops.

[theopentable]

An Honest Advent (Part 2)

In the previous session together with our mini-contemplative community we found our way into what is important to us by paying attention to our pain. We hurt where we care. The same things that bring us great meaning come with great vulnerability. Our hearts are on the line. And so if our lives are shaped by experiential avoidance we will become removed from what is sacred to us which only brings a deeper kind of pain.

To start our time together this week we sought to find our way into what is important to us by sharing who we admire (dead or alive) and why. Our heroes and guides are people who have lived lives that have grabbed our attention, who embody something life-giving to us. This is the sweet way into our sacred values; pain is a more bitter path. Both sweet and sour can be helpful ways of accessing what brings us vitality and purpose.

Each of the two Honest Advent sessions had in mind this hope of holding a space where we could make contact with our deepest truths. Parker Palmer describes the way Advent calls us to risky incarnation [1]. He says that this theme of incarnation, the word becoming flesh, is one of the most important gifts of the Christian tradition. Too often the word instead becomes disembodied, floating above things in a way that fails to really connect wth the substance of our lives. 

The Christmas story, Palmer says, is about God taking the risk of showing up in the flesh with all that comes with that. He says this is a risk we are all called to. This is the risk of embodying our values and our beliefs. This is the risk of manifesting our identity and integrity in the world. The risk of being fully human. A risk we shy away from.

Palmer proposes that what the Christmas story reminds us is that we must be reborn again and again in the shape of our True Selves, in simplicity rather than the triumphalism we are so easily drawn to. He reminds us of the vulnerability of a baby and the way it needs nurturing and tending. He explains that the same is true of whatever part of us that wants to now come out of hiding, that wants to embodied and incarnated in the world. We need unconditional love.

While we do often shy away from the risk of incarnation that’s not what we see in Mary’s story however. Mary in our story is confused and disturbed (Luke 1:29) but miraculously and heroically says, “Yes. Let it be as you say” (v38). She doesn’t get caught up on details about why God might do this, why God might choose her. Mary skips straight to the how (v34). She’s on board, with all the weighty costs and immensity that will come with being overshadowed by the Most High.

Imagine, though, how these conversations would go on to play out with Joseph, who to start with, did not have the benefit of divine revelation. Joseph only had Mary’s word, Mary’s hope. And it is, on the surface of things, a crazy word, a crazy hope.

More likely it is a betrayal. A scandal. And Joseph has the family name to protect. In tight-knit shame cultures your name is everything. Family is your life. And Joseph is from an important line – a royal line. Combined with this, Joseph’s cultural and religious traditions demand that significant action be taken against Mary. Mary’s very life is in the hands of Joseph.

Fortunately, Joseph is a kind and compassionate man. He must have sincerely loved Mary. He chooses the option that keeps her safe, and yet they must be apart. He quietly leaves her (Matthew 1:19).

And so we’re at this critical juncture in the story where Mary has heroically said “Yes” to carry God-life into the world. But Joseph has said “No”. Joseph is out. Joseph has very good reasons for jumping off the ship. He jumps off the ship because he can’t take the leap with Mary. The word-alive within her is too crazy, too hopeful. It would cost too much.

And it’s at this point that it’s worth pointing out that very few of us are like Mary. Mary is a compelling figure but she is hard to relate to. She says “Yes” to impossible things. She says “Yes” to something that will blow-up everything she has known.

But Joseph I think we can all relate to. The risk of incarnation is stark. Confronting. Distressing. 

Any call to incarnate what is most important to us will always be vulnerable. It will include pain and fear. Anything really worth doing in life involves discomfort. And when we experience vulnerability, distress or discomfort there will always be a voice that comes to us saying “Shut it off. Get us out of this situation.”

Willingly Out of Breath: An Exercise Distress tolerance

We can appreciate something of this just by holding our breath. The longer we hold our breath the stronger the urge to breathe becomes. The discomfort lives in our body. It plays out in our minds, in our emotions. We hear the voice that comes to us saying “Shut this feeling off. Get us out of this situation. Breathe!”

We know from fields of psychology that we all have different degrees of tolerance for distress and discomfort.

Psychologists at Brown University have demonstrated that people who struggle to make room for their distressing feelings were far less likely to do hard things like give up smoking [2].

And we should take this seriously because the call to incarnate what is most important to us will come with significant experiences of discomfort and even distress. Anything creative, meaningful or loving comes with risk and uncertainty.

Which might be enough for us to make choices that steer us away from what is most important to us. Which is nothing to feel bad about. It’s normal. We all do this in various forms.

But what if we could also find ways to make it more likely that we could say “Yes” to what is most important to us, even with unpleasant thoughts, emotions, or sensations?

What if there were angels who could meet us in our discomfort and from this we found the capacity to say “Yes”?

Letting Angels Speak to Us: The Welcoming Prayer Practice

The Joseph experience is a picture of the way that fear and discomfort can keep us asleep and stop us from incarnating what’s most important to us. But we also know that Joseph’s “No” is not the end of the story. Joseph is met by an angel in his dreams that explains that while Mary’s dream might be crazy, it’s also true. Mary really has been overshadowed by the Most High.

Joseph “wakes up” and says “Yes” to the risk of carrying Christ into the world alongside Mary (Matthew 1:24).

Chelsea and I have been using a contemplative prayer practice called the Welcoming Prayer for a while now [3]. When we were preparing for the birth of our second child it became the language we drew upon throughout the process of labour. In my own struggles with hurt, control, anger, and resentment it has been a practice I’ve drawn upon a lot over the last few years.

In some ways it’s been a way of inviting angels to meet us in our experiences, just like Joseph needed.

The three movements of the prayer are:

1. Feel and sink in

2. Welcome

3. Let go

Feeling and sinking into means experiencing what is happening in our bodies, sinking into the experience, the bodily sensation, without resistance. We might get to the experience by moving through our body, scanning for any discomfort, uneasiness, tension or pain. When we become aware of any sensations we simply try to experience the energy and intensity of what is taking place. All feelings, whether the ones we like having or otherwise, are received, acknowledged and given space. We notice them. They might even change or shift in some ways as we become present to our experience. We simply follow their movement with as much honesty, openness and willingness as we can muster.

The gift of this movement for any of us rests in the way that our bodies are the best truth tellers when it comes to our own experiences. Our minds offer a version of truth but it might be according to all kinds of different plots and character plots it likes to develop. The body, though, keeps the score. Our fatigue, our tense jaw, the energy in our muscles reveal important messages to us if we are willing to pay attention. Learning to connect more deeply with these messages has been a really important dimension of my wellbeing and relationships. When I pay more attention to my body I become more aware of my experience and I am more able to communicate my experience and my needs to those I care about in real time. 

Welcome is the sacred word and symbol of consent to the presence and action of the Indwelling Spirit, or as Thomas Keating describes, the Divine Therapist.

Welcome begins by embracing what we find happening within -

Welcome [anger, fear, vulnerability, longing etc.]

Welcome... [insecurity, hurt, joy, hunger etc.]

Welcome... [excitement, bitterness, etc.]

The gift of the Welcoming Prayer is that it’s a practice that enables us to welcome our experiences, just as they are, and when they happen. This doesn’t mean that we have to enjoy our experiences or even like that we are having them any more than we would enjoy having a broken arm. The practice involves acceptance. 

Acceptance is honouring reality. It’s the opposite of denial and avoidance. The opposite of pretending. It is something other than struggling with our struggle which can serve to amplify our pain. Acceptance includes honesty, openness, and willingness. 

Open and willing to lean in to discomfort because there are helpful things we might learn. Open and willing to lean into feeling more broadly because when we open to hard things we also open to the profoundly sweet also. Open and willing because instead of having our feelings our feelings have us - leaking out and playing out in ways we are barely conscious of. Open and willing to lean in because control and avoidance don’t work in the ways we might hope [4].

It’s not just a practice for making room for our experiences but also seeks to welcome God into that experience:

God as the security we need

God as the affection we need

God as the safety and radical acceptance we often need to hold us in the inevitable storms of life so that we can stay the path of risky incarnation.

Saying the word “welcome” interiorly is the action of embracing the Indwelling Spirit, God-in-us, God-always-present in and through our experience. The Welcome Prayer is a way of practicing consent to Divine Activity in our lives on the go.

Finally comes the letting go.

This might be experienced as a kind of “breathing out” or even a handing over of our experience to God, or at least a repositioning:

I let go of my desire for... [security, affection, vengeance, control etc.] and embrace this moment as it is.

I open myself to the love and presence of God and God’s action within.

Letting go is for our own liberation. In the recovery movement they talk about letting go and letting God.

This letting go isn’t about denying or ignoring our needs. It can be a way of recognising that we’ve sought to meet our needs in places that cannot be reliably or ultimately met. 

The Welcoming Prayer practice is a way of taking our needs even more seriously - our needs for ultimate security and significance, for infinite love and affection, to feel safe and okay in a messy world. 

How might trust and embrace of Divine Love shape our needs for power and control? 

How might our longing and desires for validation and attention from those in our world be shaped when we can draw near to Divine noticing and validation in those moments where our insecurity is guiding our actions? 

How might our healing and recovery and longing for justice be transformed by encountering the God who receives our pain, offers us comfort, and strengthens us to channel our appropriate anger into energy for change?

The potential in all contemplative practices, as Father Richard Rohr articulates, is to move from ego consciousness to soul awareness, from being fear-driven to being love-drawn [5]. Parker Palmer reminded us of our need for unconditional love. Love draws those hidden parts out of us that long to be embodied and incarnated in the world. Love gives us courage. Love sings.

This is the great movement that happens in the lives of Mary and Joseph. The same movement may happen in us also.

All of these stunning images are the work of Scott Erickson - go to https://www.scottericksonart.com, buy his stuff.

[1] Parker Palmer, The Risk of Incarnation https://www.theworkofthepeople.com/the-risk-of-incarnation

[2] This willingly out of breath exercise and information can be found in Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life: The New Acceptance and Commitment Therapy by Steven C. Hayes with Spencer Smith, pp.49-50

[3] A helpful overview and how it is often used in recovery settings can be found here: https://vimeo.com/447011098

[4] Hayes highlights how consistently the scientific literature reveals the value of willingness and the danger of its flip side—experiential avoidance. Here’s a few areas that show how broadly applicable this process can be for psychological suffering:

Physical pain. In virtually every area of chronic pain, physical pathology (the objectively assessed physical damage) bears almost no relation to the amount of pain, reduced functioning, and disability (Dahl et al. 2005). The relationship between the amount of pain and degree of functioning is also weak. What predicts functioning is (a) your willingness to experience pain, and (b) your ability to act in a valued direction while experiencing it (McCracken, Vowles, and Eccleston 2004). These are precisely the processes targeted in this book. Training people how to accept their pain and how to watch it or “defuse from” their thoughts about it (see chapter 6) greatly increases their tolerance of pain (Hayes et al. 1999) and decreases the amount of disability and sick leave downtime caused by their pain (Dahl, Wilson, and Nilsson 2004). 

Physical trauma, disease, and disability. In head injury, spinal injury, heart attack, and other areas of physical illness or injury, the degree of physical pathology is a very poor predictor of rehabilitation success and long-term disability. What is predictive is the patient’s acceptance of the condition and the willingness to take responsibility for her or his predicament (Krause 1992; Melamed, Grosswasser, and Stern 1992; Riegal 1993). In chronic diseases like diabetes, your acceptance of the difficult thoughts and feelings the disease gives rise to, and your willingness to act in the presence of these thoughts and feelings predict good self-management of the disease (Gregg 2004). Other health-care problems, such as smoking, show the same results (Gifford et al. 2004). ACT promotes better health management as a result of changes in your willingness to accept discomfort, unhook from your thoughts, and move toward what is most personally meaningful to you (Gifford et al. 2004; Gregg 2004). 

Anxiety. Unwillingness to have anxiety predicts having anxiety in many different forms (Hayes, Strosahl, et al. 2004). For example, when exposed to the same levels of physiological arousal, experiential avoiders are more likely to feel panic than those who willingly accept their anxiety (Karekla, Forsyth, and Kelly 2004). This is particularly true if experiential avoiders are actively trying to control their anxiety sensations (Feldner et al. 2003). Among people who habitually pull out their own hair, experiential avoidance predicts more frequent and intense urges to pull, less ability to control urges, and more hair pulling–related distress than among people who are not experientially avoidant (Begotka, Woods, and Wetterneck 2004). People with generalized anxiety disorder are more likely to have high levels of emotional avoidance (Mennin et al. 2002), and both the amount of worry and degree of impairment they suffer correlates with experiential avoidance (Roemer et al. 2005). Even a very small amount of training in acceptance can be helpful, however. For example, just ten minutes of acceptance training made panic-disordered persons more able to face anxiety; training in distraction and suppression was not helpful (Levitt et al. 2004). Similarly, for anxious people, teaching them a simple ACT acceptance metaphor, the Chinese finger trap, reduced avoidance, anxiety symptoms, and anxious thoughts more successfully than did breathing retraining (Eifert and Heffner 2003). 

Childhood abuse and trauma. Childhood abuse predicts current distress to some degree, but the practice of willingness mediates that relationship (Marx and Sloan, forthcoming [b]). In other words, if you are unwilling to experience the memories, thoughts, and feelings that childhood abuse produces, you get stuck with chronic distress as an adult. However, if you are willing to experience those thoughts, memories, and feelings again, the same abuse history is significantly less destructive to your life. When people with initially equal levels of post-traumatic stress have been compared over time, research has shown that those who are willing to have these private experiences have less post-traumatic stress over time (Marx and Sloan, forthcoming [a]). 

Job performance. People who are more emotionally willing to experience negative emotional experiences enjoy better mental health and do better at work over time. The effect is significantly greater than the effects of job satisfaction or emotional intelligence (Bond and Bunce 2003; Donaldson and Bond 2004). 

Substance abuse. Substance abuse is typically motivated by an attempt to avoid negative private experiences (Shoal and Giancola 2001). The more substance abusers believe that drugs or alcohol reduce their negative emotions, the more likely they are to relapse (Litman et al. 1984). 

Depression. Up to half of the variations in the symptoms of depression can be accounted for by a lack of acceptance and willingness (Hayes, Strosahl, et al. 2004). 

Hayes with Smith, Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life: The New Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (2005), pp.46-47

[5] Richard Rohr, https://cac.org/letting-go-of-our-very-selves-2020-12-16/

[iseulvld]

hey, it’s chey! i’m here to introduce you to pristine’s main vocal & main dancer, hyun “eden” iseul. you can find his public profile here, his private profile here, his plots here & his pinterest board here. below the cut, you’ll find a beginner’s guide to eden.

PERSONALITY.

infp-t   /   the turbulent mediator.   self-critical, imaginative, idealistic, intense, disconnected, awkward. much like a turtle, iseul is timid in social situations and while he can be open at times, he can retreat into his shell at any given moment. once he retreats, it’s as if he’s disconnected from reality; he becomes oblivious to the world around him, unaware of even the loudest attempts to bring him back. he has a rich world inside of his mind where he feels comfortable and sometimes, it can seep into reality. you could say that he views the world around him as a fantasy movie scene, often creating things that aren’t there. he romanticizes things that should be perceived as face value and can easily develop exaggerated views of objects, places, people and even feelings. it’s not uncommon for him to put others on a pedestal and tear himself down. will accept the blame for anything that goes wrong, even when he’s being treated unfairly. despite being withdrawn, he relies heavily on other peoples’ opinions to feel validated and worthy.

pisces   /   the fishes.   dreamy, playful, emotional, artistic, fickle, empathetic. fully aware of the pain that the world holds, he still has a habit of looking at things through rose-colored glasses. he has big dreams and can get a little carried away thinking about them. likes to have fun and laugh as well as make others laugh, even though it takes him a while to get to such a comfortable point with people. his mind changes like the weather, so he has trouble committing to long-term associations, whether it’s relating to his career or interpersonal relationships. his moods are dependent on those of whoever he’s around; highly malleable, tries to camouflage himself in social situations and mimic other people as to not draw excessive attention to himself.

HISTORY.

highkey an unwanted child and neither of his parents tried to hide it.

( TW PHYSICAL + VERBAL ABUSE / MANIPULATION )  i tried not to describe it much in his bio but his parents were...... very toxic. didn’t always treat him poorly --- they were actually pretty nice sometimes --- but when they were bad..... they were bad. endured a lot of abuse until he left for college and they also tried to tell him it was his fault and they only hurt him because they cared about him. ( TW END )

his coping method for everything was basically just pretending that things weren’t as bad as they were. any time someone said something hurtful, he was like :) that’s okay! i know you don’t mean it. tbh he still does this. he’ll put up with SO much bs just bc he’ll tell himself that it’s not personal

was kind of always drawn to more creative ventures such as writing and art; one of his first ever dreams (and still his dream) was/is to be an author. also picked up a hobby of origami when he was really young.

started showing interest in music after he got a MEGA crush on one of his classmates when he was like... 13. the classmate wanted to become an idol (side note... this is an open connection if anyone wants it fbjhvd) and he wanted to have something in common w them, so he was like omg no way??? me too???

started practicing w that friend and it was kind of obvious he didn’t know what he was doing, but he did end up getting better and started to really enjoy it!!!

so he started auditioning for companies when he was 14 behind his parents’ backs, never got accepted tho and eventually his parents found out and they were like.... bruh you are NOT the kim dongchul you think you are.... (oh, sweet irony).

started working part-time when he turned 15, mainly just passed out fliers but would help out at diners sometimes too if they’d let him. needed money to pay for actual lessons bc just practicing w his friend, as much as he did love it, was NOT cutting it and there was no way in hell he was going to pass an audition w his skills at the time.

kept auditioning for YEARS, lit rally didn’t stop until he graduated high school even though his parents mocked every single failure. ended up getting accepted into seoul institute of the arts, where he studied creative writing & dance for a lil while

ended up getting scouted by a summit media rep on campus, thought it was HILARIOUS!!!!! that they were from kim dongchul’s company. got so much enjoyment out of telling his parents. laughed about it for hours

he dropped out in his second year of school bc it was too hard to do everything his professors expected of him and train. nowadays, he really regrets dropping out (and kind of joining tbh), but :// what can ya do?

TRIVIA.

he has a lot of interest in languages, for someone who’s... so bad... at talking. he’s not fluent in anything other than korean (and barely that lmao), but he knows a LITTLE bit of japanese, english, french & italian. but when i say a little... i DO mean a little. for example, all he knows how to say in italian is “in bocca al lupo” which is jus like... an idiom that means good luck. that’s ALL he can retain of the italian language and he says it all the time. boy will never master a language

a big fan of origami. started doing it bc someone he had a crush on in grade school did it and he was like wow, can you teach me??? and for the past however many years, he has been leaving a trail of paper cranes in his wake.

he likes to decorate w the origami he makes --- the pristine dorm definitely has a vase with origami cherry blossoms in it. he likes to make all kinds of things (swans, boats, lotus flowers, hearts, frogs, birds, etc) though & he’s always trying to learn smth new!

also loves writing. the kind of guy who will describe you. will and probably has written poems about everyone he’s ever met. probably uses summit media idols/trainees/staff when he needs muse LMAOOOO. he sees them walking through the halls n he’s like “let me break out my notebook rq”

ALWAYS changing his hair...... wants to do whatever he wants with it while he has the freedom to. loves to dye and cut it. right now, his hair looks the same as in 8yuthe gif icon BUT his fc just cut his hair mad short so there will be a change very soon.

stage name is eden --- basically means that by listening to his voice & watching his performance, you’ll find a serene paradise..... make fun of him for it.

[gamingmind175]

Where to post your gaming reviews

Major ten Gaming Enjoy Stories

It is time to recognize the very best gaming blogs of the year. SHIELD portbale is built on Tegra 4, offering unmatched Android gaming functionality and graphics high-quality. We put collectively an awesome list of the best WordPress Gaming themes that are created and developed for gaming magazines, blogs and critique internet websites. A web-site for a casual mobile game about a restaurant could possibly have a fully unique target audience so think about this while making your choices about your initial gaming weblog. You may need to focus on your mobile web page design or monetize with diverse advertisements or affiliate solutions.

In this post I asked 300 gamers what they wanted for birthday and Christmas so I could show anyone interested in shopping for a present for a gamer what the gamer truly wanted. Here, on the other hand - pun intended - I speak about how I solve my troubles with wrist pain right after lengthy gaming and operate sessions. It is not significantly of a list if the colossi of gaming news are not integrated. This very first tier is solely for the gaming community's elder statesmen—the eight web-sites that are usually abreast on what is hot in gaming and are recognized by gamers worldwide to be a reliable supply of info in the sector.

Avantura has 1 of the finest building blocks we've noticed for constructing a gaming web page, it supports special color categories ( a should for any really serious gaming magazine), can be combined with well known widgets, can be color customized per page, has many possibilities for the header and footer and it has an incredible good searching weblog post style. Also, it has a extremely good about the author module and some nice next and previous article hooks. On best of it all, it supports a good mega menu with images.

Death, MATCH And Presents

NeonGame is a rapidly and reputable free of charge WordPress theme that is specially created for reading. This theme involves a layout that adapts fluidly to all screen sizes to boost usability. With the support of this theme, you can easily create a web page to sell your games, gaming plugins, applications, and add-ons with its Ecwid and WooCommerce help. And also it is ideal for weblog and magazine internet sites. The theme is translation prepared and Search engine marketing optimized design and style that support to rank on the best of Google and translate your web site the way you like.

May 17, 2016 • Since its founding only six years ago, Green Man Gaming has turn into one of the best known digital distributor of computer system games. The exposure came from providing titles at really affordable rates. At initial this was achieved through a exceptional digital trade-back service in which Computer games could be resold at a discounted price, but in much more current years the on the internet retailer has also gotten into the small business of promoting legitimate keys to digitally distributed Computer games - sometimes obtained contractually with the original publisher, and often with keys sourced from third-parties, as was the high-profile case last year with The Witcher III.

Android gamers represent 78% of the worldwide mobile gaming industry and can be worth eight times a lot more than iOS players in the nation. The Gimars Memory Foam Set really comes with two pads: a single for each wrist. Since gamers generally use both keyboard and mouse when gaming, we advise this set. Sssniperwolf is a single of the world's biggest female gaming influencers, and certainly a single to watch out for in 2018. Her channel is complete of fantastic video game content, which includes her Get in touch with of Duty videos, which are specifically preferred among viewers.

For fairly some time now, Dell has had its personal well known brand of gaming PCs, Alienware, which is nicely-recognized for its high-end platforms. This makes it possible for them to focus on releasing far more practical computer systems by means of the Inspiron brand, such as the 5675 model. Equipped with a few components that enable you to play on a 1080p monitor devoid of as well numerous compromises, it really is a top quality machine, even though not exceptional. But thanks to the intense versatility of Dell solutions, updating the peripherals won't be a challenge over time.

You have played thousands of unique board games, yes that is proper not hundreds, but thousands. You are a member of numerous gaming groups, and you've come to realise that distinctive groups have distinct personalities and one of a kind dynamics. You realize what style of games you get pleasure from and precise mechanics that you do and never like in a game. You do not actively preach or inform people about board games, but when asked you are an ambassador for the genre and with your vast know-how you can often add thoughtful discussion and predictions regarding games you are however to play. Your collection is the excellent variety of games that you like. It is not quick for a new game to make it into your collection, and you have a defined a rigorous trial of fire that any game will have to meet to make it effectively into your collection.

If you had been born in the late 70s, chances are you have played a single of the most iconic gaming console systems in the period. In reality, the Nintendo Entertainment Method (NES) Classic Edition has paved the way to how families can delight in a excellent laptop or computer game together. Now, you can bring back these old glory days and re-play your favorite NES games of the 80s and 90s such as the Super Mario Bros., The Legend of Zelda, Donkey kong, Mega Man, Pac-Man, Final Fantasy and a entire lot much more. The modern version of the NES Classic is much more streamlined and comes with HDMI connectivity.

Did you know that Mobile games now account for 51% of international revenues in the gaming market followed by Console games (25%) and Pc Games (24%) 62% of smartphone owners install a game within a week of having their phones and Mobile Games now account for additional than 43% of total time spent on smartphone. Verify out our infographic on The State of Mobile Gaming Industry” for newest mobile gaming statistics and trends.

And this is where cloud gaming has fallen down historically. In the past, bandwidth just wasn't high enough to provide responsive gameplay - but now, we're starting to see world wide web speeds that make cloud gaming a viable alternative. 5G broadband is noticed as a key enabler, with a relatively high quantity of customers now in a position to take complete advantage of remotely hosted gaming services. That said, it's critical to note that high-speed world-wide-web is far from widespread even in created markets like the US, exactly where poor connectivity and bandwidth caps are nevertheless issues for quite a few users.

These are some of the greatest web sites to grab hot-selling updates about your favored on-line games. Now that you know your way to the gaming paradise, do not wait any longer to spend a stop by to these gripping gaming content material web sites. Fextralife is an intriguing web page dedicated to providing articles and reviews on games, fan fiction, guides, methods and considerably far more. Now you know which gaming forum to go to this weekend with your gaming pals.

Brought to you by the firm responsible for the World Electronic Sports Games, Planet Gaming is a wonderful location to get all your esports news. The World Electronic Sports Games is one of the most prestigious esports events in the globe, and Globe Gaming brings that same level of production value to their blog. Globe Gaming has coverage of a wide range of esports outdoors the most preferred games, as well as basic esports news. The forum is also a wonderful spot to engage and go over esports with other gamers and fans.

Most computer system gamers do not mind working with an ordinary mouse pad for their numerous gameplay requirements. On the other hand, for the critical fans of well-known games, only the Corsair Gaming Mouse Pad will do (1 of the leading gaming gifts on offer you). The MM300 is not like any other mouse pad you are familiar with. 1st, its dimensions are way longer than traditional pads, offering you a complete 93-centimeter extended mouse pad that is significant sufficient to accommodate even your common gaming keyboard. Its textile-weaved surface allows laptop gamers (along with gifts for gamers) to practical experience superior manage in their gameplays, providing them exceptional accuracy. The edges are stitch-reinforced to support avert peeling, guaranteeing this gaming mouse pad stays with you for a lengthy time.

From Indie games to ginsaw.online pc gaming websites PlayStation, Video Chums have got all the evaluations of your favored weekend picks. Read by means of their gaming articles, gaming console evaluations and participate in contests to win giveaways. Associated Posts: Enable the connected posts and they will appear at the bottom of every single weblog post suggesting three (or far more) connected articles to read subsequent. Make confident the fairly layout is enabled in your web pages settings given that this is a lot additional enticing for gaming blogs.

[kewltie]

Hi! The 'what's wrong with secretary kim' sounds super, super interesting and I have a burning curiosity to know when Izuku gained the name 'guillotine'?

Hi anon!!!

thanks so much for the interest and to answer your question:

it happened around izuku 2nd year w/ the group and katsuki is still trying prove himself to his mother and the board of directors that he can handle the job so he’s extremely critical of himself and those around him. one of the things he’s paying close attention is a small tech company. katsuki’s family owns MANY other smaller companies in variety of field as a large conglomerate but katsuki had acquired this v v v tiny tech company (w/ only 20 employees strong) all by himself (so it’s his in every way) that made software for people with varying disabilities as they go through day to day.

it’s not like a hugely profitable business bc their target audience was a minority group but katsuki knew there was value in it esp as technology advances and more and more people want to have their need met and accommodate in society w/o feeling left out just bc of their disability. so he invested in that company and bought it over so he can nurtured its growth and bc he saw a future in what they’re doing. so that company (let’s say X) was currently in competition to land a contract with a large and famous game company that is planning to make their all their future games accessible to people with disability. that’s a HUGE contract!!!!! X company was suppose to come up with a proposal and a project idea on how to carry it out but there are other competitors of for the huge contract (it’s not like X is the only company to create that kind of content but THEY ARE the only one who has more than 80% of the employees have some form of disability or another so when they’re making software for their intended audience they KNOW exactly what they’re looking for). 

as soon as katsuki knew they were in competition for the game company’s contract, katsuki made it his mission to get it and he pooled in all his resources and hours to make it happen for his company. izuku was with him every step of the way as katsuki steered X company to a completion of the proposal and near GUARANTEE to get it bc he has utmost faith is in employees capabilities to carry it out (katsuki only wants the best and OFC HE ONLY HAS THE BEST) even though katsuki visits their floor everyday to hound them and he made them pull last minutes allnighters to work out the kinks of the project so there’s no error. he drove them INSANE by going over each of the detail with keen eyes and look it over and over again until he was satisified and JUST AS THEY WERE ABOUT TO LAUNCHED THEIR PROJECT and show it to the gaming company somebody else beat them to it and its… and as similar pitch idea as theirs. 

now all their hard work WAS FOR NOTHING bc that rival company (let’s say Y) MANAGED TO BEAT TO THEM THE PUNCH AND it wasn’t just similar content but an exact raw copy as though it was stolen. and IT WAS. apparently they had a spy who stole their data and remade it with Y company mechanics and content but the core was ALL THEIRS. they can’t even say well Y copied theirs since Y launch theirs first and katsuki is so DAMN PISSED. it was one of the biggest setbacks for him bc he and the rest of X company put so much work in it :///. now to see it all gone… it was heartbroken. katsuki didn’t blame them at all NO HE BLAMED HIMSELF FOR LETTING IT HAPPEN FOR NOT CATCHING THE SPY FIRST. the spy was actually bought over with a better position in Y company and more $$$$$ and also bc they hate katsuki lol. not everyone was happy when katsuki bought their company esp when katsuki didn’t make himself endearing to them but nearly all of them was eventually won over bc they realize katsuki didn’t buy them to observe them into his family’s empire but to make sure they stand on their own two feet WITH ALL THE FINANCIAL BACKING THAT KATSUKI CAN OFFER bc he saw what they also saw in the future of their company. but there’s just one person that didn’t get along with katsuki and hATED katsuki for buying them out and thinking he know anything about what they’re doing by interjecting his opinion in their work etc etc. 

so yea katsuki made an enemy and that inadvertently cost his company a HUGE contract and a lot of money too bc how much they had invested in that proposal. so he’s incredibly mad at himself for it bc his ppl work their ass off for it and HE SCREWED IT UP FOR THEM. izuku was there with them and watched it all happen. he brought the employees food & drinks as he tried to console them about their lost but even as he smiled izuku knows they’re not going to just leave it like this. THIS WAR IS NOT OVER YET. 

katsuki had no plan to accept it either and izuku knew that very well so as soon as katsuki was done venting out his frustration, he immediately put izuku to work with v v v v specific orders. izuku research the large game company that handed out the contract & realized that the reason the game company was trying for inclusiveness bc the chairman of the company’s youngest granddaughter was born with only the use of her left hand so that apparently motivated him enough for his games to be more diverse and inclusive bc he wants his granddaughter to feel like she’s not alone and that SHE TOO can play games like other children. so with that knowledge that izuku had gathered (which wasn’t like in the news but izuku had made the connection of the granddaughter’s birth w/ the abruptly change in the chairman’s opinion about inclusive bc sometimes it take having someone close to us being affected for us to take notice of a problem), izuku planned for a way for katsuki and the head to meet up in some formal tech event. izuku gave katsuki all the necessary information for katsuki to properly sway the chairman to their side bc if you why bother with dealing with lowly peons (lol like the MIDDLE MANAGEMENT IS LOW) when you can just go to the very top instead? 

katsuki’s tongue may be sharp but he doesn’t cut around the corner, just get straight to the point and never going into a negotiation if he doesn’t have all the cards on the table and fully aware that he’ll win 110%. so yea, he won the chairman’s favor by showing the chairman exactly why X company is worth his time, $$, and investment for future endeavor bc if katsuki can’t get to make future games as part of his company contract than HE’LL DO EVEN BETTER.  so instead of having a line of title games (which will be small but slowly grow with time) that people can play he’ll make it so they can play W/E GAME THEY USE past, present, & future by CREATING A GAME CONSOLE THAT AIM TOWARD PEOPLE WITH DISABILITY.  it’s actually something katsuki been thinking for a v  v long time and he knows his company have the capability to do something like that with his backing. so the chairman CAN HAVE IT ALL if he chose to partner with them OR if he doesn’t katsuki will take his project somewhere else and surely they WILL take it bc the market for that WILL BE HUUUUUGE. 

so the chairman decide to cancel out the contract w/ Y company bc they’re not going to make games w/ inclusiveness but NEW CONSOLES altogether with the X company instead bc better profit in long run, they dont have to section a few titles just for being inclusive, better pr for their company (bc they are working with X company which is widely known to hire people with disability to work for the so yea), etc. Y company took a huge hit with the cancel contract and izuku saw that opening to swoop in and stole all their best programmers, developers, etc for katsuki and completely gutted Y company in the process bc Y company tho is much bigger than X, like w/ 100 more workers, but COMPARING THAT TO KATSUKI’S EMPIRE is… lol not even a competition. izuku used katsuki’s money and influence to offer Y company best employees all the benefits of working for katsuki with better paid, benefits, and freedom to do w/e. now that Y company was stripped it bare bones X company swallowed Y company up so they’re one company now but under katsuki’s management and izuku arranged all that to happen in one easy seamless takeover once the head of Y company realize they have zero choice and this was the better outcome. 

and the traitor who sold out X company’s secret to Y company? izuku made sure the guy never got hired again and was blacklisted from the industry. he made sure the very person who damaged katsuki’s reputation doesn’t make it out of this takeover alive and that’s why izuku is call the guillotine. he’s katsuki’s sword and executioner, carrying out his orders absolutely w/ knife like precision. 

SORRY LONG STORY but tl;dr izuku helped katsuki take over a company and almost kill someone for betraying katsuki. 

[operationrainfall]

Title Teleportals Developer PixelGreeds Publisher PixelGreeds Original Release Date June 15th, 2018 Genre Platformer Platform PC Age Rating Unpatched: Mature Patched: 18+

After having played Maytroid and giving it an average score, I decided to review another game by PixelGreeds to see if I would have a similar experience. When it comes to developers that are new to me, I do try to play more than one game by them if available, especially if it proves a group has a wider range, style, and a greater skill set than what a single game can convey. And so, I decided to give an earlier game by PixelGreeds a chance. Teleportals, as one could guess, is named after Portal, yet, similar to Maytroid’s naming, is not quite the carbon copy one should expect going in.

Teleportals is a puzzle-platformer in which you control a woman named Susan, who randomly arrives in an alternate realm. How she got there or why remains a mystery. She soon finds a companion in a one-eyed ball-like creature named Maki, who tells her that time spent in this realm will have an adverse effect on her. The only way to prevent her eventual demise is to escape. The single upside in all of this is that she can teleport to where Maki is dropped. With not much choice, Susan takes Maki with her and begins making her way through this realm in hopes of finding an exit.

The overarching plot of Teleportals is painfully straightforward with escape as a driving force. Susan arrives, wants to leave, and so she goes on her way. As to where she is, how she got there, who these things are that she meets, and how she can teleport with them, none of this is explained. It just is, and we’re meant to take it at face value. Setting all of these questions aside, there is another narrative that takes place, which does a far better job of providing a much needed story element, as well as adding character development. For one, Susan has a backstory, in that she is a scientist researching a virus. Due to her lab running out of funding, one of her colleagues, Nancy, infects herself with said virus in an attempt to garner funding and push the research forward. Susan’s thoughts often return to Nancy, a means for Susan to strive ever closer to escape.

Maki also provides narrative strength, discussing his interest in movies, which serve as his attempts to have Susan open up during their campaign. There are several moments of humor and charm here and they contrast in a particularly satisfying way with Susan’s concern for Nancy and her drive to return and finish her work. We even see Susan forget her troubles at times, hinting at a desire to run away from an anxiety that potentially runs deeper than first implied. In fact, the narrative even suggests that there is more to the situation of Nancy infecting herself than Susan lets on. These glimmers of story are helpful to a weak plot and I would have liked far more than what is delivered.

Why do I say “far more?” Because glimmers of a story do not make an intriguing, immersive experience. More than anything, I felt dissatisfied, as I was left confused, maybe even a little cheated when I finished the game. All we actually get are hints at an underlying conflict that goes beyond the text we are given. The text itself, which I believe is a translation from another language, is not nearly strong enough to make the implications it’s attempting to make. Also, there is no proper resolution to the story at the end. We are left wondering what happened, why, and again, what significance it’s trying to imply. After one ending and credit roll, there are more levels and then a vague epilogue as if those last levels didn’t happen. What was even the point? More mystery? No, just more random nonsense. Zero genuine conclusions can be made with such a fierce lack of details.

The developers want to insinuate that there’s more happening in the plot, but without proper set up and build, it comes off as a collection of fragmented ideas that, again, seem nonsensical. If you’re planning to develop a deep lore, you need details. Vague is not the same as mysterious, nor does it build mystery. Now, there are theories floating around on the game’s Steam discussion board that could potentially make sense and better connect these fragments into a coherent story. However, I believe these theories are simply too far-fetched. Huge stretches need to be made and some major assumptions are necessary for these theories to work. Granted, you can theorize until you’re blue in the face with such a lack of detail and depth. A stronger overarching plot and a far more detailed look into these characters would have turned a forgettable mess of a story into one of legitimate intrigue.

Although Teleportals suffers from this lack of story, a recurring problem I’ve seen from them, its gameplay fares better. As I mentioned, this is a puzzle-platformer, in which the goal is to reach each room’s exit. Every single room is its own puzzle filled with traps for you to avoid and designs that require the unique attributes of your companions. Susan has the ability to swap places with Maki and another character, Bruce, who you meet later on. Susan can run and jump, as well as activate switches. Maki is small and light, allowing him to pass through narrow spaces and also bounce on special platforms when dropped. This bouncing can allow Susan to swap and reach higher areas or launch over hazards. Also, if there is a jump too high for Susan, she can place a companion near the jump point, bounce herself, swap, and ride the momentum for a higher jump. As for Bruce, he is a block-shaped entity that can act as a shield against projectiles or a step for higher platforms. Many of the later rooms will require you to utilize both companions, using their attributes and working them in tandem to reach the exit. Once you start playing, it may seem like gameplay is one-dimensional, but I was easily engaged throughout. There were several puzzles that caused some frustration, but I will admit that it was always pretty satisfying to solve these more troublesome rooms, especially the ones that take you multiple tries.

Other gameplay points include zero penalties for dying and a quick reset button for starting a room over. For the most part, the game is pretty fun and it challenges you thoroughly, however some puzzles have quite a few obnoxious elements to them. Even so, with no consequences to infinite attempts, every puzzle is doable with practice. Also, there is no combat in this game. While there is a means for Susan to destroy certain traps, there are no real enemies to fight. It’s simply surviving each room and exiting, yet the simplicity offers a lot more fun than I could have expected. Finally, gameplay options include support for multiple languages. I can appreciate the wider audience multiple languages can garner, but I’m still wondering if some things got lost in the translation.

My only complaint with Teleportals’ gameplay is in regards to its controls. I had the same complaint previously with PixelGreeds, in that if you wish to use a controller, you must rely on third-party software for any customization. Teleportals requires precision in your moves, so having zero controller customization out of the box is disheartening. Keyboard controls have customization, but if you wish to make changes, you must input all of your changes anew, as you cannot simply change a single key binding.

Moving on to the aesthetics, I had much to say about several of the visual additions seen in Maytroid that basically took a game that could have been for all ages into mature and 18+ territories. This seems to be PixelGreeds’ style, as an ecchi CG gallery that can become fully 18+ with a patch is present here. And, as in my Maytroid review, this inclusion does nothing for Teleportals. It’s senseless, as it limits the potential audience that can play this game. Perhaps my opinion is an unpopular one, but not everything needs naked women to make it better. Putting that time and effort towards the plot would have made more sense. Or, if you want hentai in your game, make it the focus of the game and don’t just tack it on. Having said that, the artists responsible for these CGs do seem to have a bit of talent. I only wish those talents were utilized in the form of in-game CGs to support dialogue or other on-screen events.

As for the in-game presentation, the aesthetics are satisfactory with its 16-bit visual style. Even though this game uses the same tilesets and backgrounds as Maytroid, they are no less impressive. Several different environments are depicted, from dusty deserts to snow-covered forests. It’s hinted that these environments even symbolize the symptoms of the virus Susan is researching. For example, one of the early symptoms is coughing or a sore throat. She makes this comment while in an arid desert, which is an early game area. A later symptom is a high fever and the connection is Susan commenting that she doesn’t feel cold, despite walking around wearing only a nightie while traveling through a snowstorm. As this narrative takes place later in the game, it points to the later stage symptoms of the disease.

Unfortunately, these connections to location, time, and viral symptoms all amount to speculation, theorizing, and tidbits the developers mention on Steam, as none of this is ever directly addressed in-game. A stronger symbolism or one with more direct connections would have made more impact. I realize this is another criticism of narrative, not aesthetics, but give me a strong, fleshed out story first, and then pepper it with secrets using the other facets of the game. Having said that, the storytelling flaws don’t take away from the quality of the visuals themselves. Finally, the audio is fair, with each track pairing to their locations adequately. My complaints are that the music itself isn’t all that memorable and there is too little of it. I think I counted just four or five tracks in the entire game. Also, these tracks may actually be the same ones used in Maytroid, but again, unmemorable.

Teleportals as a whole is a collection of great gameplay elements beaten down by unfinished ideas and bad decisions. If you were to strip away the plot and the lewdness, then the gameplay by itself would most definitely serve as a fantastic base for a potentially great game. I would even say by expanding gameplay further and properly addressing the plot, this would have had the makings of a hidden gem. The game can be completed in a single sitting, clocking in between three to five hours. Perhaps its saving grace, Teleportals can be picked up for $1, even less during a sale. So, if you’re in the mood for some quick platforming fun, and not a darn thing more, then maybe Teleportals is worth your consideration.

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

[easyreview cat1title=”Overall” cat1detail=”” cat1rating=”2.5″]

Review copy provided by developer.

TBT REVIEW: Teleportals Title Teleportals Developer PixelGreeds Publisher PixelGreeds Original Release Date June 15th, 2018 Genre Platformer Platform PC…

[remastered-feedback]

Alright, lets run down the problems here.

Many, like Butcher, say they’re in training. Others report disability. All are missing out on a hot labor market and crucial years on the job, ones traditionally filled with the promotions and raises that build the foundation for a career.

I don’t think it needs mentioning just how offensive lumping someone who’s on disability in with a group your article is centered around painting as making unwise career decisions. I’m pretty sure most of the people who are disabled would much rather be fully able-bodied and working.

Their absence from the working world has wider economic consequences. It marks a loss of human talent that dents potential growth. Young people who get a rocky start in the job market face a lasting pay penalty. And economists partly blame the decline in employed, marriageable men for the recent slide in nuptials and increase in out-of-wedlock births. Those trends foster economic insecurity among families, which could worsen outcomes for the next generation.

“How dare you not buy weddings you don’t want and houses you can’t afford!”

It’s difficult to pin down whether the demographic wants to remain on the sidelines or is kept there by a dearth of attractive options.

It’s the second one. As a member of the demographic in-question, I can tell you with 100% certainty that it’s the second one. I’d much rather be working, making money, saving up to move out. I spent all summer applying to entry-level jobs supposedly aimed at people with lower skill levels, as well as for jobs my degree should have me eminently qualified for. I’m not unemployed because I want to be, I’m unemployed because nothing is hiring that pays enough to have anything to save after taxes, bills, transit costs, student loans, etc.

Other social changes could be exacerbating the trend. Better video games might make leisure time more attractive, some economists hypothesize, and opioid use might make many less employable. Young adults increasingly live with their parents, and cohabitation might be providing a “different form of insurance,” said Erik Hurst, an economist at the University of Chicago.

“Clearly the problem isn’t a lack of competitive wages or work-life balance, it’s those damn videogames! That, and they’re all drug-addicted layabouts. Those are probably tied to the out-of-wedlock children we mentioned too...”

Replace “videogames” with “rock music” and you have literally the exact same argument that’s been made about every single generation for the past 70 years.

Young men have been reporting higher rates of school and training as a reason for their non-employment in a Labor Department survey, and a large share say that disability and illness are keeping them from work. Those factors explain much of the wider post-2007 participation gap between 25- to 34-year-olds and their older counterparts, according to an analysis by Evercore ISI economist Ernie Tedeschi.

“Those damn lazy millennials, ignoring this booming economy!”

“Actually, a lot of us are too sick to work, and a lot of those who are able to work are too busy getting more advanced training to get a job too. We spent 20-30 years watching our parents work themselves to death in jobs they hated, while they spent the entire time telling us that education and advanced training were the ticket to a better life than that.”

“Of course, it’s the videogames! That and the drugs...”

I can go on about this article for a while, but I have better things to do. Like, topically, applying for jobs. One last thing I want to touch on though is to give my personal experience about why I, a man between the ages of 25 and 34 who is ostensibly the target of this article, am currently unemployed and not partaking in that “hot labor market.”

I graduated college in 2015, and managed to get a job in my field a few months after graduation. I worked that job until mid-2017, when I quit to go back to school. The main reason I quit was because it became clear pretty quickly that there was no room for advancement in that company. Two annual reviews in, I was working the same entry-level part-time position that I started with, at the same entry-level hourly wage I started with. With the exception of Jewish holidays - which I think I made up for by coming in on Christmas and Easter - jury duty, two days I was bedridden, and that time there was literally an overturned truck blocking the highway, I never missed a day, and I never said no. They said jump, I said how high, did everything you were supposed to.

Both of my annual reviews were glowing, and yet in this job that, according to the article, was supposed to be full of raises and promotions, and doing work that, according to my manager, was top-notch, I repeatedly got passed over for both.

Annoyed that I was working borderline full-time hours - technically you’re not full-time unless you’re working 40+ hours a week, and I was routinely working 36-38 - without any of the benefits of full-time work, regularly getting at-most one day off a week, all just for an attaboy and a paycheck that barely covered commuting costs and student loans, I quit and went back to school.

I thought about getting a different job in the same field, but I decided school made more sense, because programming and network security, the two fields at the heart of Maryland Governor Larry Hogan’s jobs initiative, a jobs initiative he’s so proud of that it was one of the core pushes to his reelection campaign earlier this week, had much higher earnings potential than my old field.

To recap, I found a job, worked it for a year or two, did everything I was supposed to and then some according to my boss, yet got passed over for a raise or a promotion multiple times. Dissatisfied, and at the urging of my pro-business, pro-jobs governor, I left and went back to school to get certifications and complete coursework to change careers into the field he was aggressively pushing for more people in my state to change into. I did very well in my courses, got certified, and spent all summer applying to entry-level jobs in my new field. I got one call-back all summer, and it was for a company that wanted me to relocate to Northern Virginia for a job that paid less than $20,000 a year. Housing in northern VA is ridiculously expensive, with a median house value over $500k. To call that financial suicide would be an understatement, especially since my interviewer made it very clear that raises, promotions, or other advancements would not be happening for at least three years. Eventually, I got desperate enough to apply for jobs in my old field, and the only place that returned my call was the place I used to work. I’d prefer not to return there, but I’d be lying if I didn’t admit I’m considering it.

I’m not asking for pity. My ship will come in eventually, even if it’s less of a ship and more of a canoe, and even if I have to build the damn thing myself, board by board. All I’m asking is that instead of assuming that that millennials are out-of-work because we’re lazy drug-addicted gamers with unrealistic standards, consider that maybe we’re out-of-work because we’re getting next-to-no job offers, that the job offers we are getting pay so little that once you factor in the costs necessary to take them, they’re a net loss, and that when we do actually get a job, those raises and promotions you seem to think are so plentiful are nowhere to be found even after literal years of good, hard work.

Also, stop calling this a red-hot booming economy. Wages are stagnant and haven’t kept up with inflation in our lifetimes, housing has become prohibitively expensive in the majority of cities with jobs to offer, underemployment is at the highest it’s been in decades, and the vast majority of jobs that have been created since the recession are low-wage, part-time jobs with no potential for advancement or career prospects.

The only people this is a booming economy for are people who were already well off. For people trying to get started or who don’t have much money in the bank, the people that this article is criticizing for our lack of economic participation, this is a horrible economy where everything is expensive, home ownership is a pipe dream, nobody’s willing to hire anyone for more than minimum wage, and in the off chance you do land a job that’s not a dead end, they have no interest in giving you a raise or a promotion at any point.

[dayntee]

[Pillars: Deadfire] Frigid Nightmares

This whole thing came about as a result of me accidentally wandering into the Beast of Winter DLC and being WHOLLY unprepared for it (IE getting my ass utterly handed to me). After rolling back a fair notch, I’ve continued on, but I also tried to mentally justify the detour, backtrack, and continued exploration of the Deadfire and this... whatever it is, is what resulted. 

Summary: Ydwin’s insistence on investigating the invitation from Rymrgand’s faithful rubs Aloth the wrong way; his consciousness (both his own and a suppressed Iselmyr) pulls him in two directions. Should he follow his captain’s orders or push an agenda that’s more personal than he’s willing to admit?

Rating: PG-13, for some depicted gruesome violence

Relationships: Aloth x F!Watcher (unspoken/unresolved, ANGST AHOY)

Spoilers: Deadfire, Beast of Winter DLC (light)

Notes: Still finding Idralia’s accent, but it’s Aedyran with a Deadfire dull to it. Writing it out is almost as challenging as speaking it on stream. Imagine it landing somewhere between Aloth’s mid-Atlantic and Serafin’s super casual pirate cadence. And then trying not to make it sound Dyrwoodan. 

Also available here on AO3

A curled, familiar piece of tanned leather suddenly appeared before Idralia’s face. As she gently pushed it aside, the stern glare of Ydwin appeared from behind it, decisively reaching up with her spare hand to adjust her glasses on the bridge of her nose. 

“Watcher. You’ve had this invitation for weeks. Do you have any intention of investigating its source?” 

Idralia reached up and removed her eye patch, rubbing the protected eye for a moment as it re-adjusted back to the dim light below decks. She had no medical need for the patch, but her experience as a sharpshooter on the high seas had long since taught her the value in keeping an eye dim for travelling above and below deck. She preferred, however, to meet her companions with both eyes when discussing matters of import.

“Of course I do. I’d like to think that in the time you’ve been aboard The Defiant, you’ve noticed I‘m a woman of my word,” she took the missive from Ydwin’s insistent grasp, re-reading the contents over again. The thin, jagged writing in red disconcerted her; things were weird enough on the ship with Xoti’s slow descent into constant bloodlust and a growing tension between herself and Aloth that sailing to the furthest southern reaches to freeze her arse off didn’t seem like a logical next step. “There’s just, you know, this whole matter of Eothas destroying the Deadfire by wading through it like a toddler’s bathing pool, a stack of unclaimed bounties that’re honestly starting to rot, and the needs of our other compatriots to attend to. We’re sort of a busy lot,” 

Ydwin said nothing, crossing her arms and staring intently until Idralia met her gaze again. Once she did, the scout felt a prickling in her senses at the back of her mind as she felt the cipher reach out to her mentally.

And is that to say that my own concerns or interests are not as important as theirs? she questioned, and Idralia winced at the implication. Ydwin had largely been confined to the ship since she had first boarded in Neketaka, and that had been even several more weeks prior to the receipt of the mysterious invitation from whomever this “Vatnir” was. She simply shook her head and she could feel the bubbling frustration from the pale elf. 

“Really wish you wouldn’t do that. It’s not necessary. Listen, I don’t know how much time I have left. I could die tomorrow from this whole splintered soul thing for all I know. It’s like... I don’t know what it’s like, I’m not sure anyone else out there has wandered about with only half of themselves,” she screwed her face in her own frustration, trying to make sense of her rapid string of thoughts. 

This is why I do this. You are conflicted and trying to take on too much. Slow down. Focus on this for a while - perhaps a focused distraction will allow you to more easily sort out your... other priorities. Idralia picked up on the hesitation of thought in Ydwin’s message, but before she could ask for clarification, the cipher had turned abruptly on her heel to exit the captain’s quarters. She dropped her face into a hand, rubbing at the bridge of her own nose and pushing upward to relieve pressure she’d been harboring in her sinuses—missing the unapologetic brush of shoulders between Ydwin and Aloth as he made his way in. 

Aloth cast a glance Ydwin’s way as she pushed past him with no sign of hesitation. While he held respect for Ydwin’s pursuit of knowledge in the metaphysics, her unapologetic approach to animancy rubbed him the wrong way. ‘No matter,’ he supposed, turning his attention back to the distracted Watcher.

It was clear to him for quite some time now that Idralia had been holding back the discussion regarding the nature of their friendship. While he still wasn’t certain he was ready to broach the topic himself, he did recognize she was respecting a boundary she had set years ago with him and he admired her diligence. Catching himself staring, he cleared his throat, and the woman snapped to attention, straightening in her desk chair and dropping a roll of leather to the floor, where it began to rock slowly with the listing of the ship. Aloth bent and picked up the missive before Idralia had fully regained her awareness, and his eyes skimmed its contents before he could stop himself.

“Ah - the Dead Floe is our next course then, captain?” he used the title playfully and enjoyed the pink that traveled up her ears at his use of it. Idralia wasn’t a fan of the title, particularly when used by her former adventuring party. With the plethora of time she had spent teasing him on their previous adventures, he found he was beginning to appreciate turning the tables. 

“Oh, w-well,” she stuttered a moment, regaining her composure with a deep breath before dropping her tricorn unceremoniously on the desk and relaxing in his company. Even when he did catch her off guard, she never took long to return to her more confident, certain bearing. “I think that would be Ydwin’s preference. I’ve been... having trouble focusing on one task at a time, and she requested her own interests take a priority for a time. I s'pose that’s not much different than taking a detour to Ori o Koiki, right?”

Aloth hummed an agreement and nodded. She had a point; it would be rather obvious favoritism if she weren’t equally willing to investigate the needs of their other companions. ‘An’ yet ye dinnae mine a thot ye might be th’ importan one, aye?’ Iselmyr bubbled from deep within his psyche, cackling all the while he silently pushed her back down. Opportunities to poke and prod at his most insecure feelings—that was often the most likely times his elder ego would make herself heard. At least her thoughts rarely, if ever, spilled from his mouth these days.

“That seems fair, to say the least. Still,” he hesitated, and Idralia re-focused her attention on him. 

“Tell me your thoughts, Aloth. You know I trust your opinion,” he felt a smile twitch at the side of his mouth, knowing full well how much she valued his council. It was odd to him that someone who was so certain in her actions would seek insight from someone as unsure as he was; oft before she’d claimed it was because she valued how very differently he perceived the world. As he grew to know her, however, he suspected it was because they were more alike than either cared to admit and he reaffirmed her beliefs rather than than questioned them. 

“Something about it simply seems... off. But I suppose that could be my predisposition for distrust in theological cults with extreme beliefs,” he gave a slight shrug and Idralia laughed. 

“You kind of have good reason to be suspicious. Maybe all the more reason to check this out sooner rather than later,” she waved off the notion and stood with a stretch. “Never mind all that, though, I doubt you came in here to talk about Ydwin. What do you need, Aloth?” she hipped her hand and gave him that carefree smile, the one that made him believe without a doubt she knew exactly where she was going, how she was going to get there, and reaffirmed his decision in tagging along on her adventures. 

In that moment, his heart skipped a beat and, just like that, his resolve was gone again. Logically, he knew better. Fear of rejection was ridiculous because he already knew she harbored feelings for him—she’d more or less confirmed that within hours of his rejoining her group. Emotionally though, there was the fear of hurting her, of breaking her heart... now that was a fate to which he was terrified he might find himself. It was his turn to backpedal. 

“A-ah, oh, I-I’m... afraid you’ve preemptively answered my inquiry. I was merely wondering where we might be sailing to next,” he attempted to shrug nonchalantly once more, but he knew she was far too perceptive to ignore the stiffness in his shoulders and forced movement. She smiled, a sad sort of resignation in her eyes, and she scooped up her eye patch and cap from the desk before moving up to place her other hand on his shoulder. 

“Another time then,” she promised quietly, and his bare shoulder burned with the absence of her warmth as she moved past, donning her headgear once more and moving above deck.

‘Ya bullocksed tha’ one, Corfiser,’ he felt the mockery wave through again and this time he allowed Iselmyr to chide him. Quite frankly, he felt he deserved it. "Not like ye kin run afar offa ship, ye dafty,” he found himself muttering alone, and he bit the inside of his cheek to quell the bubbling criticisms, lest another crew mate overhear. He had maintained fair control of Iselmyr and, even if in this matter she was right, he wasn’t about to let it go again. 

Sighing, he returned below decks, settling himself in his bunk where he might distract his thoughts with his latest grimoire acquisition or simply drift off. Anywhere he could be without thoughts that rang too true.

“It’s casting again! Aloth, can you sto-” Idralia’s command was lost the moment she was blown back by a blast of bitter cold and hail. Already, Ydwin, Xoti, and Cantelope all lay unconscious at the feet of the gargantuan rotting beast, its rancid wings flapping languidly amidst the biting cold winds of the Dead Floe. Idralia’s bow skidded several feet away from her grasp across the icy ground, and it took every last bit of Aloth’s concentration to maintain the spell he was forming. His arcane reserves were burning low, and he only had a handful of spells remaining that seemed to have any effect on the lumbering so-called Herald of Rymrgand. Even Idralia’s normally fearsome powerful shots were barely penetrating its frozen hide. 

Idralia scrambled through the snow, scraping away her eye patch to rely on her full sight, squinting against the bright sky as she adjusted to the sudden influx of light. She whirled about on the ground, bringing up her warbow with both hands just a huge claw came down to attempt to crush her into the ground. She managed to prop it between her and the dragon, straining against an impossible strength, and Aloth knew there was only a moment more he might take advantage of the distraction that could save all their lives—or doom them all.

“Athek werthan roth!” with emphasis, he finished the last fiery incantation he had remaining, watching the fireball form around the rear of the beast and scorching its back flank. ‘It’s not enough!’ he panicked, and the first crunch he heard following the explosion was not half as sickening as the second.

Idralia screamed in pain, one of the dragon’s huge claws pinning her to the ground through nearly the whole of her left shoulder, her leather armor easily sundered and barely enough skin and sinew remaining to keep her arm attached to her torso. Her left fingers spasmed out with raw nerve stimulation, her right hand coming up to grasp the splintered remains of her family heirloom, the only item of purchase she could find. Blood pooled below her, vibrant against the stark white below.

“IDRALIA, NO!” was all Aloth could manage before he was immediately weaving another spell, this time an unerring Minoletta’s. But the enemy was faster yet, unnaturally so, as it slammed a backhanded claw into Eder’s shield, sending the Dyrwoodan man flying back into the remains of the ice sculpture of Rymrgand, his head knocking violently against the pedestal and stilling him at the base.

“A-Aloth,” the elf barely heard his name over the harsh whistling, and he dared to look once more in the direction of the one he had truly come to care for, despite his reticence in letting her know. And there it was. That knowing smile. The one that would normally warm his heart instead sank it deep within his chest, settling in his stomach where he doubted it would ever rise again. 

‘I can’t save them,’ he realized, the spell he was finishing fizzling in his grasp as another claw came down around his captain’s body, covering it from his view, but not without causing a gruesome splatter. His stomach churned and he looked away, knowing his distance from the fight simply meant he would be the last to join them.

He swore the dragon began to chuckle as it inhaled again, filling its chest with frozen air intended to erase him from existence. This foe was just too strong. As once more the icy chill of snow and hail began to rain around him, numbing his core, he was left only with that failure. ‘I can’t save her,”  

He awoke drenched in sweat, a stark contrast from the chill of the nightmare that was rapidly escaping his mind. He was breathing sharply, and pushed his grimoire from his chest, a heavy thud hitting the deck below that caused him to wince. Thankfully, he realized none of the light sleepers were present, with Eder heavily snoring in the hammock below his and Serafin’s smaller form curled up in a cot across the way.

‘A quick walk then,’ he wiped his brow with his blanket, nimbly exiting his hammock and replacing his grimoire among his other belongings before heading above deck, taking his time to avoid eye contact with any of the other crew he happened by. 

“Bad dreams takin’ to you too, Aloth?” Xoti echoed from the hall as he climbed upward, and he tried not to startle at the sudden acknowledgement. She was always where you never expected these days, and it was rapidly becoming disconcerting.

“AAH, ah, yes. You could say that,” he looked anywhere but her eyes as she loomed forward with interest, the soft and eerie glow of her lantern brightening as she grew closer. She unhooked it from her belt and peered within, as though seeking some answer from it, before eyeing him once more.

“They haunt me too. Every night. I wonder if I’ll ever get a proper sleep again...” she chuckled suddenly, as if in on her own joke. “But of course I will. When Gaun’s done with me, that is,” 

“W-well. We can’t all hope for divine intervention. I’ll just be getting some fresh air,” he brusquely shut down the conversation, desiring little more insight to the demons that undoubtedly haunted the Dawnstar priestess, and deeply hoping either she or the Watcher had that situation under control. Xoti shrugged and Aloth quickly exited, closing the door to below decks quite firmly behind him. 

It was just past midnight, partially cloudy, which allowed his eyes to adjust quickly to the deep nighttime sky. He took a deep breath, exhaling just as purposefully and noted the fog caused by his warm breath in the air. ‘We’re heading south,’ he acknowledged, and he shuddered, in part due to the chilly night as well as from the lingering horrors of his dreams.

“Can’t sleep?” he heard from above, and he didn’t bother glancing up. Idralia often spent her time in the rigging or crow’s nest when she wasn’t in her quarters. He hadn’t fully expected to find her out here at this hour, but then her proclivity for wearing a patch often meant she stretched her eyes in the dark rather than the light. 

“I slept well enough, but...” he shook his head. It was a dream, for gods sakes. Divination wasn’t his strong suit or a personally strong belief, particularly after learning the mortal nature of the so-called deities. Surely, dreams could hold meaning, but why would the divine ever reveal a truth to him when they could speak directly to the Watcher?

He heard a gentle thump as Idralia dropped down behind him, and he leaned against the railing of the ship, looking out and anywhere but at her. The memories, even if they were imagined, were still too fresh. Thankfully, she didn’t press, leaning backwards into the railing instead so that they might not need to meet eye to eye.

“You know, I’m not fond of the cold. Hate it, actually. Winter’s my least favorite season,” she wrinkled her nose. “Part of why I like the Deadfire so much. Stick in the right parts and it’s pleasant year-round,” 

“I find it hard to believe that pirates, sea monsters, ghost ships, and conniving bureaucrats are that much better than a bit of snow and wind,” he replied, thankful for the distraction in conversation.

“A whole lot more exciting at any rate. Your ship gets frozen and there winds up being not much to do but sit around. I prefer to keep moving,” he could see the hint of a smile on her lips from the corner of her sight, and he smirked in response.

“Is that why we’ve been everywhere around the Deadfire except Magran’s Teeth?” she laughed uneasily at the question and turned slowly to face out to the water, her smile more sheepish now.

“You’ve got me. There’s a lot I want to end, especially this whole half-a-soul situation, but...” she grew quiet, contemplative, and he saw her glance his way again. Still, he could not meet her eyes. “But not everything,” she finished quietly, and he understood there was so much more unsaid behind her statement. 

That moment hung between them a while, the two listening to the waves hit the side of the ship, the creak of the wood and rigging, the flap of the canvas sails in the night breeze. It centered both of them in different ways and, for a moment, he was back on the roads of the Dyrwood with her, when they might instead be listening to the crackle of the campfire and the crickets in the countryside. 

“Well,” he started, after a time, “I think there’s still quite a lot we have left to do. And we don’t have to start with the coldest tasks first,” he finally turned his head to look at her, and she met his eyes. He smiled gently, encouragingly, and she chuckled.

“What, tell Ydwin to wait her turn?” she sighed, and he could tell she bore the weight of responsibility to her crew and their needs.

“The choice is ultimately yours. You’re the captain, after all—we’re all going to go where you take us,” he reasoned. “Certainly you might need to approach things with more focus but... perhaps consider that focus should be on something for you.” 

Idralia looked at him with a more startled glance and she studied his face for a moment. After a while, she closed her eyes, turned her head back out over the water, and sighed. 

“You give good advice, Aloth. Perhaps I shouldn’t get ahead of myself on this one... and honestly, those bounties actually are starting to rot,” 

“I mean, I wasn’t going to bring it up, but...”

“But they’re stored in a chest below Tekehu’s bunk and you don’t mind his quiet torment?” she winked at him and he suppressed a smile in spite of himself. 

“Even I’m not that cruel,” he raised his hands helplessly and Idralia gave him a gentle shove. 

“Alright, you’ve made your point. I think we’ve got quite a bit to report on back at Neketaka. And honestly... I could use a dip in the bath house again. I doubt the crew would fight me much on that one,” she reasoned, and they both knew full well a shore leave would be well-received. 

“I’ll never be one to complain,” Aloth reassured and Idralia returned a smug grin. ‘Oh no,’ He walked into this one, and he knew it.

She leaned in close, uncomfortably close, and murmured.

“You’ve never been one to complain about a good view, Corfiser,” 

Without giving him so much as a second to sputter in protest, she pushed herself from the railing and headed to the door below decks, casting a last sidelong glance at him to enjoy the bewildered look on his face. The night was too dark to catch the beet red blush across his cheeks, spreading onward to the tips of his ears, but he hardly doubted she needed the visual confirmation of his discomfort. They knew each other far too well. 

He let her close the door behind her before he sighed to himself, sinking his hot face in his hands down against the railing until he felt the cool wooden surface on his forehead. ‘I’ve avoided one catastrophe,’ he reassured himself, though he wasn’t so certain his nightmare was anything more than the feverish imagination of his innate worrywart. 

‘But what else am I walking into?’ he wondered, knowing with growing certainty he couldn’t keep this awkward dance of theirs going on forever.

[weeklygamereview]

Kingdom Hearts Union χ[Cross] and fundamental failure

     How do you judge a free-to-play mobile RPG? The kind with stamina timers, premium currency, and a "gashapon" that randomly dispenses characters and weapons? If you expect hours of uninterrupted play requiring dextrous, precise inputs, you're better off with a console game. But not even most portable console games can give you a satisfying play session within a lunch break, and most every mobile game can.

     Although they're all intimately tied to a predatory monetization model, there's something special about a perpetual game on your phone. I hold fond memories of when Terra Battle or Tales of the Rays supplemented my life with structured play and planted a hobbyistic fervor in my mind with their clever, streamlined battle systems. There were post-launch story chapters and limited time events to frequently test my mettle, and when I just wanted to unwind, I was able to grind with easy content that didn't require my full attention. Despite some bursts of compulsive play and frustration with unlucky pulls, I felt I had mutualistic relationships with them.

    My time spent with Kingdom Hearts Union χ[Cross] on Android, however, was largely parasitic. It neither provides stimulating enough combat to fully engross nor allows for the relaxing, hands-off play of an idle game. So, KHUX fails to provide the base pleasures of free-to-play mobile RPGs.

This game was first known as Kingdom Hearts χ[chi] on browser and originally for mobile as Kingdom Hearts Unchained χ, changing to its current name with a new co-op mode so unremarkable I neglect to mention it elsewhere in this review.

    Battles are turn-based, and each of your attacks is derived from a medal (the primary gashapon item) slotted into your keyblade. You can tap on the screen to attack a single target, swipe the screen for a weaker attack that hits all foes, or swipe a medal to activate its special attack (they're officially named special attacks) requiring the use of a resource gauge called... "gauge." These always deal damage and may heal, grant buffs and debuffs, restore gauge, or grant ailments. Whenever you attack, the current medal rotates out to the next one until you've used each once.

    Now, streamlining gets a bad rap. It's often associated with dumbing down instead of refinement. But there are so many mobile games that take advantage of their simplicity to make accessible depth. Just look at Puzzle & Dragon, the mobile puzzle RPG that requires thought and skill surpassing many of its pure action puzzler peers. In its case, shrinking the game board and allowing the free movement of pieces makes it easier to read a board WHILE offering superior board manipulation than the average match 3 (meaning more combos that you meant to make and less that come by chance). That's successful streamlining.

    The medal system, unfortunately, doesn't use its simplicity for such an end. Each of your 3-7 medals must be activated one after the other in clockwise order starting with the first; your sequence of attacks is predetermined for every fight once you enter a stage. There's no dexterity or timing required for inputs. Ailments (largely useless) and enemy attack patterns are the only sources of randomization within combat, so there is no risk/reward dynamic.... and no choice. You either have enough gauge for a special attack or you don't. You either came with enough damage and healing to last or you didn't.

    Though there's something resembling insight in the 1 Turn Triumph mechanic. You normally regain gauge piecemeal from damage dealt, but a 1 Turn Triumphs allow you to gain back multiple counts of gauge as long as you defeat enemies in a single turn. This requires consideration of enemy and medal attributes (red beats green beats blue) and damage distribution (single target or AoE). Clearing all enemies in a single turn is the most common requirement for objectives, optional achievements that grant currencies for character progression and the gashapon. Normally, you regain enough gauge to use special attacks at every opportunity, so you have to get a feel for how much damage you need to take out enemy formations in 1 turn, which will help you grind up enough gauge to defeat the stage boss.

Sometimes, the same objective is repeated... within the same mission. Why?

    The battle design is self aware of where mobile RPGs most disappoint; they can't make stages significantly challenging to complete without seeming to have a paywall, but if it's too easy, hardcore players will become disinterested. The game attempts to address this by assigning three objectives to each stage. These might require you to defeat all enemies in 1 turn, defeat bosses in a certain number of turns, or restrict which medals you may use to on attribute. So, allowing bad players to clear stages effortlessly while offering optional objectives accommodates everyone! Hooray! The game is designed, even at high levels, around players arranging their medals in the correct sequence before stages start instead of expecting them to think turn-by-turn. I find this to be a legitimate design decision for mobile (and console RPGs like Final Fantasy XII, for that matter). I hate it, but I respect it; it lets you take a laid-back approach to character management before battle and enjoy the results of your fine-tuned set-up.

    Unfortunately, the game doesn't let you play effortlessly thanks to the lack of a true auto-battle. There's an auto setting that uses special abilities for you, of course, but it doesn't move you throughout the stage. You must navigate environments and encounter foes by laboriously sliding your finger across the screen—not with a virtual joystick, but across your entire screen.

    There are mobile games that get away without auto-battle. For example, Fate Grand Order doesn't have basic attacks, and its skills are cooldown based or can expend variable amounts of meter for increased damage. A simple auto-battle routine couldn't easily tell whether you want to charge limit breaks, gain critical stars, burst down enemies, or activate unique character skills; the game is too complicated for it. Puzzle & Dragon wouldn't make sense with one in the same way an auto-play option wouldn't make sense for Bejeweled. But these two games are much more demanding, one for optimal order sequencing and the other with its puzzle board. You know, actively, traditionally-for-a-video-game engaging.

    There's so little to this game's combat in the first place that I find it excruciating to manually navigate through its environments. They're expertly illustrated. Beautiful, even! But they work against the mindless, chill grind the battle system is meant to facilitate. The novelty of their beauty fades as you're forced to balance your phone in one hand and scrub dramatically across your entire widescreen phone to go from left to right and back again (how I wish it had a virtual joystick so I could play with one hand!). By the way, you have to touch and hold at the far edges of the screen to reach full speed. There’s an option to tap at a location, but the player character will vary its running speed depending on the distance away. It’s always a pain to perform movement, which doesn’t even factor into combat itself and often takes up more time than battle within a stage.

Keep in mind you have to scrub through this entire map dozens of stages in a row to clear the most common objective (defeat all enemies in 1 turn) at this scale:

     If you're not used to playing mobile games, this might sound like a ridiculous complaint. But when the core combat is just an excuse to grind and make numbers go up, a shallow vessel to deliver the Good Chemical, it wears you down. Like, imagine if Cookie Clicker lacked store items that automatically produced cookies. KHUX is that kind of contradiction, a game designed to be passive that demands your attention in irritating, frequent pulses, an inconvenient hand cramp of a game.

    There are more ways to play, extra mechanics, a baffling pet system... I won't go into everything the game has to offer, but know that they provide no depth to combat or medal management, merely complication. But I want to go over the main means of progression in the game: Guilt.

    You level up medals to increase their power. You level up medals by fusing them together, losing all medals used to level the other. Their maximum level increases as their rarity increases. You can increases their rarity rank with materials you can grind for in daily objectives. I'll assume you understand how this kind of system works. Yet the game won't settle for this tried-and-true progression loop. It introduced the Guilt system.

    So, every time you fuse identical medals together, the remaining one gets an orb (yes, it's just called an orb). The medals MUST be identical in both name and rarity. If the medal has any orbs, those are transferred to the base medal. If a 6* rarity medal (the rarest and most powerful rarity) gets all its orbs filled plus one, it rolls for a Guilt value. The Guilt value bestows a random percent bonus to damage up to 150%. Guilt value on the rarest of medals can range from 70% to 150%. What happens if you're unlucky and roll a 70%? Well, better go to the gashapon and pray for a copy! Even then, you might get a 71% and wasted a powerful medal. Good job!

    The community encourages players to Guilt medals that drop freely through the story. This is the optimal sequencing of medal fusion to Guilt one of these medals:

        You need to, at minimum, 39 medals of the same name at different quantities for each rarity, AND all of the medals required to increase their rarity, AND all of the medals to level them up. If you don't do it in this exact sequence, you're wasting dozens of material medals and hours of time. It's absolutely absurd.

    The game, of course, severely limits the amount of medals you can carry unless you pay with the premium currency. Even the joy of 10x gashapon rolls were tainted by the hidden tax of inventory expansion. Collecting medals should be fun. Collecting medals is what makes you want to spend money. Collecting and arranging medals is all the game is, really. And it's always accompanied with grueling, tedious inventory management that does nothing but stress me out!

    I haven't even gotten to the power balance of medals. In short: it's whackadoodle. After making so much effort to Guilt my common 1* Stitch medals, I got lucky as a F2P player and rolled Illustrated Xion (EX). A single use of the medal buffs your damage with itself and all other medals by over 200% for multiple turns, refills more gauges than it takes to spend, and consequently breaks the majority of content over its knee. I never once, ONCE, in the entirety of the main story, had to manually choose which special abilities to activate to conserve gauge. And I had to manually move my character all the while, find an enemy, wait for the elaborate attack animations to cease, and start again. I stopped caring about clearing objectives; I was powerful enough to clear all of the story's content without bothering.

     Other games use cost systems to prevent the abuse of rare medals at early player level, only allowing the use of one or two of the rarest kind of character or weapon. Due to a variety of factors involving the pace of progression, this did not factor in at all. Even without using all of my most powerful medals at once, Illustrated Xion (EX) was enough to utterly break what was meant to be a pacey, early-player experience. I ruined the game by getting a favorable gashapon roll. This is a fundamental failure in the design of randomized collectibles in a game I haven’t seen since the early days of mobile gaming. This has been solved for years.

   By the way: I only started playing to see where the story would go. The community has reached a consensus that the plot only begins to develop significantly after stage 350, months and months after release. I would say it actually picks up in the early 300s, but by the time I got to the good parts, I was too bored out of my gourd to continue despite being greatly intrigued.

     The game has built its entire postgame around the use of medals like Illustrated Xion (EX) that make all previous game content trivial. Half a year after introducing the first medal of this type, Illustrated Kairi (EX), there is now a permanent budget gashapon that has a paltry chances to drop these buff medals as a way to allow the unluckiest of players access to postgame. But I'll tell you: the postgame isn't worth it. It's a skilless test of how lucky you are or how irresponsibly you spend money. And if you can access it, your medals are too strong to enjoy any other content. There are no objectives asking you to bringing low-rarity medals to otherwise increase challenge. There is a Proud Mode variant for many story stages, but these have such strict restrictions that I could barely clear any of them (the most common of which restricts special attack use to medals that have been Guilted AND have a Guilt value exceeding a certain amount, which isn't nearly as hard as it is expensive). Even verifiable trash like Fire Emblem clone Phantom of the Kill has objectives requiring low-rarity characters to provide some bracing challenges.

    In conclusion, Kingdom Hearts Union χ[Cross] fails to provide what I seek from a mobile game on a basic level: relaxation or engagement. It fails to relax me thanks to its hand-cramping map navigation and the oppressive inventory management. It fails to engage with its battle system because it's designed to be largely effortless and relaxing. It is a frustrating waste of time as a time waster.

[nelson-riddle-me-this]

Rules: tag 9 people with excellent taste

Colour(s) I’m currently wearing

Mostly white - I’m wearing my bathrobe. My mom got it for me and it’s great. It’s not the softest but it’s good and it’s got cool blue and grey horizontal stripes on the bottom. Normally it’s very frustrating for her to try to get clothing gifts for me, but she hit the nail on the head with this one.

Last band T shirt I bought

I’ve never bought a ‘band’ t-shirt. The artists I really love don’t have much in the way of t-shirts and if they do, they look really corny. Like I’m not gonna get a Streisand t-shirt and look like some middle-aged empty-nester out grocery shopping.

Last band I saw live

I guess our evening Jazz Ensemble - it’s professional adult musicians - at my school’s Jazz Ensembles concert. They’re great. As for non-school performances, I think? the last concert I went to was a Brian Setzer concert at the Hollywood Bowl with my mom a while back.

Last song I listened to

I tried listening to some contemporary pop from the Love, Simon (2018) soundtrack today and it was really difficult so now I’m at the computer enjoying some tumblr-time and listening to my most-chill and most-favorite Doris Day album.

Lipstick or chapstick?

I used lipstick once for my Katharine Hepburn halloween costume last year and - tbh lipstick is so much work - makeup in general. Like it would be fun to be a girl and wear dresses and be super pretty and stuff - but wo-MAN it’s so much work!

So chapstick. The tube I use is some Burt’s Bees pink grapefruit that I really love. This might sound weird but I only have it because a boy I had a small crush on once asked me to hold it while he changed clothes and forgot to collect it from me..

Last movie I watched

I went to the movies last weekend with @adamsberg​ and another one of my best friends and saw Love, Simon (2018). I really really really really loved it.

I hadn’t even heard of it until a few weeks ago I saw a trailer on YouTube, but I thought it looked great and it was everything I hoped and more. I have this soft spot for angsty contemporary teen dramas like this [The Fault In Our Stars (2014) and The Perks of Being a Wallflower (2012) are also in this micro-genre]. While I love my classics, I also love these great movies that are being made here and NOW! Sometimes I feel apart from the rest of the world - and not in a good way. I wasn’t friendless in high school - but I wasn’t anywhere near as close to any of my friends as any of these movie teens are... as accepted and loved as I am to/by an amazing, small, group of my friends now. I have no horror stories, but I don’t have very many stories and that’s just it - I could have had so much more, but I didn’t. Part of it was because I wasn’t out yet and this film so wonderfully explored that. I highly reccomend it - and not just for the good plot, it’s hilarious and an overall great experience.

Last 3 TV shows I watched

911 (2018-present) 

Sometimes my mom’s taste in first-run television is pretty bad (NCIS stopped being good like a decade ago) but in this case I am totally on-board. Angela Bassett [WAIT HOW IS SHE 59???????] is an inspiration (I WANT HER CHARACTER’S HOUSE!), the writing and production values are generally very good - it’s a solid, interesting show. Still, can anyone tell me what the deal with that middle-aged white lady (who’s a few years younger than Angela Bassett but lowekey looks 20 years older) who dresses like a suburban mom trying to dress like her teenage daughter - like what’s the deal with her dating that guy in his 20s? 

Frasier (1993-2004)

My mom and I watch this show somewhat regularly as it’s on like every flippin’ night on the scourge that is the Hallmark Channel (generally decent reruns, but I hate the channel itself and their original programming is complete trash). In a lotta ways I really love it - it’s hilarious, witty, sophisticated, adult, and has the power to  create a real poigniant moment like you rarely see so fully-realized in sitcoms. 

It has its issues though. Frasier and Niles (especially in early seasons) can get annoyingly whiny/snobby. I get that their characters are kinda built around that, but there’s a point at which they take it too far and it becomes disengaging. Also it’s a super white-people-centric show (I wonder why Hallmark likes it so much...) so diversity could be a lot better. Still, it’s generally a high-quality program.

Gosh I don’t remember what else I watched last. I haven’t had a lotta TV time lately so Imma use this opportunity to plug...

Stranger Things (2016-present)

One’a my best friends, Grace, introduced me to this show and I absolutely love it. The period’s really well done - not just accurate, but alive and real and relatable. The acting and casting is great. Winona Ryder is a treasure and I have a shameless crush on Joe Keery’s amazing hair and the person it belongs to. The scoring is effective, interesting, and very different from the kind of film music I usually am exposed to (I’m really making an effort to expand my horizons beyond classic orchestral sounds lately). The production values are great - it’s just an amazing show. 

Last 3 characters I identified with

1.) Simon Spier from Love, Simon (2018)

While there are some things about him I definitely don’t identify with (message me personally if you wanna know specifics- I don’t want to spoil anything), I very much identify with his coming out story and coming to terms with his sexuality on his own terms. 

I feel like there are people who will criticize the film based on Simon’s extreme normalcy - like he’s honestly a fairly stock white, middle-class, suburban teenage boy and, aside from his involvement in theater and ‘ya know liking boys he doesn’t do much that would be considered “gay” - but that’s kinda the point of the film. Being gay is just something that is and anyone can be gay - they’re not weird or whatever just for being gay - that was one of my fears - that I would be treated (or even just feel like) some strange unwelcome outsider just because of this one thing.

I had a long conversation tonight with an older kinda mentor’y friend of mine (though I’m more of the mentor) who’s gay and who was having a really rough night. Among the lotta things he said was that all gay men cheat that there’s no true monagomous love in the gay community and like lightning I shot him down with a fervor and wisdom and riteousness that would make Kate proud (wayto blow my own horn). 

That’s the exact kind of idiotic prejudice that makes people afraid to come out in the first place. It’s fear that kind of small-minded judgmental behavior which was most responsible for me remaining closeted in high school. It’s a hard thing to explain to someone who hasn’t been there because after you’ve been through it, it can kinda feel like nothing afterwards -  all this fear and conflict and it’s really kinda purposeless. You find that people still love you and the people who don’t are really not good people anyway. I wish I had come out in high school, I could have been happier. But I am happy now.

2.) Tracy Lord from The Philadelphia Story (1940)

Dedicated followers may remember I rewatched this one a few wks ago on what would have been a date with me and my crush until he cancelled. That time I saw Trace and Kate herself through lenses less tinted than ever before, but still she’s there in all her glory and all her not-glory. Tracy is riteous, despises drinking and gets very contemptful of what she views as weakness, such as her ex-husband’s drinking problem or Mike’s cynical view of the rich. I am often that way (in large part due to the second-generation effects of my mom’s own east coast catholic upbrining) which has it’s merits certainly - that specific east coast almost ‘puritan’ toughness (I think Dick Cavett, said Bette Davis and Kate both had it) can be a tremendous source of strength and sense. It can also easily become cold, prudish, snobbish, and condesending. I have tried to unlearn these aspects and I am still working on that. This is kinda what Tracy’s arc is about, learning to be human and be loved and to love others.

Though it’s not as recent, the next one that comes to mind is

3.)  Nancy Wheeler from Stranger Things

I already mentioned that my friend Grace got me into this show, but I didn’t mention that I only ever watch it with her. Not that I don’t really love the show - I do - but I like saving it for when we’re together - it makes it more special. 

Anyway, more than perhaps any other single character on that show, I identify with Nancy Wheeler. Regular suburban teenager who’s better - not just a regular suburban teenager - she’s aware of the sort of suburban ‘don’t do much with your life ‘cept rasie kids [not that there’s anything wrong with having and raising kids, that’s wonderful] trap. I also found the episode with her at Steve’s house really resonated with me. Barb telling Nancy “this isn’t you” really got to me. Part of me still has an internal ‘Barb’ that kinda ties in with the whole east-coast ‘puritan’y’ morality but there’s also the part of me that wants to be young and just a person and do cool things with my friends and kiss boys and watch great angsty contemporary teen dramas. They both have their merits and drawbacks - the young side has life but can be stupid and reckless - the old side is wise and careful, but can be paralyzing and stagnating.

Books I’m currently reading

I have a whole slew of books checked out that I’m supposed to be reading (for my own enjoyment).

The Unanswered Question: Six Talks at Harvard     by   Leonard Bernstien

I loved his The Joy of Music so I figured I would like this too. He’s a great music lecturer. I’m only like 5 pages in so far.

Elizabeth Taylor: A Private Life for Public Consumption      by    Ellis Cashmore 

This one I’m a little further on, though most of that was just the introductory timeline of her life with a key notating each illness/medical episode, marriage/actual or rumored romantic relationship, and neaar-death experience (her life is such ‘drama’).

I also have a book about motifs in Hitchcock’s films with the car picnic from To Catch a Thief (1955) on the cover. I haven’t started reading it yet.

And I have some book about Lerner & Lowe, the duo responsibly for My Fair Lady, Camelot, etc...

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This was really really wonderful to participate in. Thank you, my amazing friends, so much for tagging me @adamsberg​ and @in-the-key-of-d-minor​. I’ve enjoyed lots of asks and tag games, but I’ve never felt this good about one before...

I tag

@hildy-dont-be-hasty @tyronepowerbottom @reluctant-martyrs @thevintagious @littlehappyrock @n2ninvisiblegirl @solasdisapproves @hepburnandhepburn and @her-man-friday

If I didn’t tag you but you wanna participate, have at it!

What’m I gonna do, fire you?

[facesofcsl]

Teagan D., Alumni and CSL Intern (Fall 2019)

Teagan de Seguin is a U of A graduate and a past CSL intern. She graduated with a Bachelor of Arts with a major in Women's and Gender Studies, along with certificates in CSL, Global citizenship, International learning and Peace and post-conflict studies. She has extensive volunteer experience locally and globally, and now works as a Program Coordinator for Catholic Social Services in Immigraton and Settlement. Read the story below to see how CSL equipped her with many skills that she uses today.

When did you first hear about CSL?

I actually found CSL when I was picking my classes for my very first semester, in first year! I was just browsing through courses on Beartracks and I saw CSL, and I thought, “Hey that sounds like me!” I get to volunteer and it counts for credit, so I was really interested in that. I had always been super involved and volunteered through school before that. It worked out really well, because coincidentally I was taking a few other classes that had CSL components, and the following spring I took  CSL 350/360. So I actually finished my certificate in my first year! 

I took my first CSL course because I have always known I liked being involved in the community so I was interested in continuing with volunteering. At the time, I thought of it very much in terms of “I want to help the community and give back”. I don’t think I really understood the reciprocal relationship between students and community partners at that point; it took me quite a while to fully understand that. 

The biggest thing I learned from taking CSL as an academic course was thinking critically about social issues. This meant asking questions like - “Is what we are doing to “help” this community the most sustainable way to improve communities?” As well, really challenging the mentality of the “top-down” approach to volunteering, and the white saviour complex that often comes with it. I think that’s the biggest thing, is recognizing that we really need to think critically about the kinds of service we are doing within a community, to make sure we are not doing any harm.

What are some of the CSL classes and placements you have done?

I took CSL 100 as my very first CSL class. I actually kind of wish I had taken that course a little bit later in my degree, because I feel like I was overwhelmed and was not able to really take it all in. I was in my first year, first semester so I don’t think I grasped the readings very well. I really thought about it as “I just want to volunteer”. Although I wish I could have taken it later, it was still really beneficial and I learned a lot.

For my placement I had a very limited availability, since I had lots of classes and a long commute. The only one that fit in my schedule was the Footcare Clinic at the Boyle McCauley Health Centre. It was not the one I was immediately drawn to but they promised us that we would not be touching feet, we would just be support staff and visit with the folks who come in.

People come to the Footcare Clinic because, for whatever reason, they are unable to take care of their own feet. They might not be able to physically reach their feet, or if they are living on the streets and their socks are always wet, they might have some fungus or a lot of them are older and have mobility issues. 

To my surprise, the first day I got there, the volunteer nurses began by giving me basic training on how to do footcare, then they gave me some nail clippers, and told me to go for it! They warned me about some of the dangers of footcare, especially for clients with pre-existing health conditions, and I was terrified. I thought I was supremely unqualified to do the work and I was worried about accidentally hurting people. I felt like the people they were seeing really needed to be seen by a healthcare professional - so when they handed me the nail clippers, it really threw me off! I felt pretty nervous and uncomfortable doing that work, but in the end I think I learned a very important lesson from that placement. I learned how to be comfortable being uncomfortable. We need to push ourselves outside of our comfort zone to learn and grow.

For a Women’s and Gender Studies class I was placed with Hope Mission, where I did the evening shelter intake. When folks come in we would put their stuff in a bag, tag it, put it on a shelf and give them the matching tags so they could pick it up in the morning. I got to do shifts in both the men’s and women’s shelter. Being in a Women’s and Gender studies class, using a critical gender perspective was very interesting to think about questions like why there are 300 men and about a dozen women? Again I was in first year, and I was overwhelmed, and did not have a background in thinking critically about social issues. But it is something that I think about now! Making my own connections at the time was hard, because there were more than 100 people in the class, and only a small portion was doing CSL. Most of the connections I made between my service experiences and courses I took were actually in my own personal reflections after I took the class.

In the spring semester of that year I took the CSL 350/360 class. Sadly, the trip to Nicaragua got cancelled because of political tensions in Nicaragua. The Canada travel advisory changed two weeks before we were scheduled to go, and our trip was cancelled because it was deemed high risk travel. Even though we didn't get to go on the trip, I really learned a lot and I got to reflect on my volunteer experiences from when I was younger. When I was 16 I went to volunteer at an orphanage in Tanzania, so thinking back I realized how voluntourism and white saviour complex played a role in that trip. These were things I did not realize when I was younger - but that class has really shaped how I am interested in travelling now, and in the future. Also, thinking about the idea of solidarity and how even though we didn’t travel to Nicaragua, I think we made a very positive impact by the work that we did here. We hosted a fundraiser to work to support the organizations that we would have been working with in Nicaragua and I think that was equally valuable, if not more valuable, for those organizations. 

How did CSL change how you think about certain things?

I think the biggest thing for me was thinking critically about service and about social issues in my community. It’s hard to seperate CSL from the rest of my education because I have made so many connections between CSL and the rest of my courses. Now, when I approach service-learning I can better understand the systemic barriers that are faced by members of the community. That is something that I would not have thought about as much in my CSL placements during my first year, like the Footcare Clinic or Hope Mission. As I have gotten further in my degree, I can look back on those experiences and think about them more critically.

How else has working with CSL shaped what you do?

After the Nicaragua trip was cancelled, I started applying for summer jobs instead. I saw one with Residence Services for a Service-Learning Intern - I applied and I was hired! If I would have been in Nicaragua, I would have missed out on that. I have had that job for 2 years now, coordinating service-learning opportunities for people living in residence. I have not lived in residence and working there made me realize how intentional the service-learning programs are. Being on that planning and coordination side of things I learned so much! This experience was after I had taken those CSL classes - and I could really think back to my experiences and reflect on those from this new perspective I had gained from this position.

I was also the CSL intern in Fall 2019 so that gave me a different side of CSL. I had experience with directly planning and facilitating service-learning programs with Residence Services - but on the CSL side I got to develop new skills by working behind the scenes. Being responsible for communication, meeting community partners, and interviewing them was so interesting. I learned about so many great organizations, and I just wanted to get involved with all of them.

I was doing the Non-Profit Board Internship, and I was with the Centre for Race and Culture. I really enjoyed the workshops for this program. I worked on a self care report for the organization. I developed a survey to send out to staff to assess how supported they felt in terms of being able to care for themselves in the workplace. This survey really took a step back to look at the systems and structures in place that allow staff to care for themselves rather than expecting them to do it all on their own. 

What was the most important lesson you have learned?

I think I keep saying the same thing, but thinking critically about social issues and thinking about my role and identity in relation to those social issues, has been so important! It has changed how I choose to work within the community. Now, I am really focused on building mutually beneficial relationships and valuing reciprocity in community service.

How has CSL impacted your academic or personal life?

I have been able to make better connections with my academic and personal life - but even recently I have been able to branch out and take a lot more options in my classes. I have taken Anthropology courses about race and racism, or about gender, age and culture. I am able to make a lot of connections between all the courses I am taking and the service work I have done too.

CSL has been a large part of my academic life - and I have become a lot more intentional, critical and reflective about the kind of work I want to do in the future. 

How has CSL impacted your career path or future endeavours?

CSL played a very direct role in the two internships I held as a student. After completing my studies in August 2020, I was inspired to look for work in the non-profit sector. Working with a non-profit has been a dream of mine for many years, but my experiences working and volunteering with many different non-profits throughout my degree helped me narrow down exactly what I wanted to do. Now, I work as a Program Coordinator for Catholic Social Services in Immigraton and Settlement. I get to apply a lot of the skills I learned during my two internships and my CSL placements in my every day work.