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admutual · 4 years

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any hayley or steve childhood headcanons hell add stan if thats ok!!

oo !!

hayley ones:

hayley was always bringing weird animals inside and trying to convince stan and francine to let her keep them. multiple instances of her running inside, covered in dirt, and holding a garter snake begging ‘please please can we keep her??’ while steve screams in terror.

that hc i mentioned of francine always standing up for the other kids ,, hayley inherited that trait. my god she was The Most protective kid during her school years, she absolutely refused to let anyone get walked over when she knew they didn’t deserve it.

hayley was a wolf girl growing up,, change my mind. and black wolves were always her fave.

hayley definitely read animorphs growing up. those books shaped her and her fave character was cassie,,, also once she got more comfortable with living with roger she bullied him for not looking as cool as an andalite or a hork-bajir.

hayley went through an emo phase during her middle and high school years. she tried really hard to get an emo fringe, she was always blasting mcr and the used and three days grace, and her first job was at a hot topic.

hayley and stan were obviously tight-knit buds back in the day. like ,, she’d set up tea parties for them in the backyard, going out to movies was almost a weekly activity for the two of them, they were always planning picnics together,, they were really close. also every time they went to familyland together, hayley was always trying to drag him along with her to the more Extreme rides. francine kept telling her she’d go since she knew stan wasn’t the biggest fan of those rides like she was, but hayley kept insisting and it’d always end with stan near traumatized. big cia man goes on scary missions daily but he can’t handle a little roller coaster.

hayley’s hair was . pretty often a Mess when she was young. it was staticky, always sticking up at some angle, she often got too excited that she never took the time to comb out her hair in the mornings. plus it’s always been a habit of hers to play with her hair whenever she gets too excited or nervous, so even if she got it all straightened out it’d still turn into a mess by the end of the day.

hayley was always covered in scrapes and bruises. there was never a day where she didn’t have a bandaid somewhere.

she was a really tall kid during elementary school. she was almost always the tallest kid in her class. around high school everyone outgrew her though and now she’s . really short compared to most people her age, but yeah when she was little . Tall Girl (2019).

hayley skateboarded in middle school, and she was really damn good at it. she got in loads of trouble for skateboarding on school property and she thought she was the coolest kid for doing it.

stan and francine tried really hard not to curse around hayley when she was little (once steve came around they gave up trying), but occasionally something would slip out and hayley would always parrot it. stan looking at a bill and muttering ‘shit’ and then in the living room hearing what is obviously a toddler screaming ‘SHIT’

hayley, like steve, was always kinda lonely during her school years. steve eventually found friends in snot, barry, toshi, and roger too once he moved in, but hayley never really learned proper social skills as she was often pushed away for being the loud rowdy ‘annoying’ kid, and they always viewed her attempts to try to get close to others as too ‘desperate’. she has found friends in her adulthood, but yeah during her childhood she mostly just stuck around her family.

hayley was That Kid who would always use those fake clip-on earrings you’d get from claires, as well as cutting up the spiral from her notebook to use as a fake lip piercing, and she’d spend all day trying to convince her classmates ‘yeah no it’s real’

hayley liked stealing her dad’s camera and using it to film fake vlogs. they have multiple reels that go from cute family videos, to hayley making lps vids and fake cooking tutorials.

hayley drew a lot growing up and francine still has dozens of her drawings magneted to the fridge. hayley’s always cringing and asking her to take them down, but tbh francine’s never going to.

hayley’s always loved being outside at night. occasionally she’d sneak steve out with her to play in the backyard and it’d always lead to them in the treehouse, and stan catching them because they kept shining their flashlight against their bedroom window.

steve ones:

steve’s definitely adhd, autistic, and dyslexic. (the latter’s literally canon, and the two former ones are hcs that to me feel so obvious that i’m always a little hesitant calling it a hc). i really like imagining his parents being really patient with him in this area, even stan learned to be more composed and gentle with him when it came to this, and the two of them helping him find ways to cope. francine especially enjoyed nights helping him read.

steve’s interest in birds has been with him for pretty much his entire life, i like to imagine it’s always been his biggest special interest. also i’ve noticed there’s random scenes where stan’s displayed a bit of an interest or at least an appreciation of birds, so i kinda like to imagine stan used to take steve to the park for birdwatching trips when he was young before steve started going with roger. sometimes francine and hayley would tag along, but mostly it was just stan taking steve out and listening to him ramble about all the birds he’s spotting,, every time steve had a bad day stan’s immediate solution was to take him to the park.

when roger first moved in, he and steve were inseparable. steve was obsessed with learning everything about him and his species and his home planet, while roger saw steve as the one safe person to be around (francine, hayley, and klaus were still anxious towards him while stan was too strict and controlling for him). for a good few months until he started bonding with the rest of the fam roger would get really mopey whenever steve would go to school or leave to hang with his other friends, and the second steve walked through that door roger would excitedly hug him and try to lead him off to go do something together.

@a-d-lesbian got me into the hc that steve’s a theater kid and like ,, i’m always thinking about steve getting a tiny little background role in a 6th grade christmas show that they were required to do as a class, and he just loses his mind. he convinces stan and francine to let him invite the grandparents, he has francine film every scene he’s in where he just . Stands There. and then after the show when they get home he makes them all rewatch them all because he’s really damn proud of himself.

steve’s fave books growing up were always xenofiction. stuff like warrior cats and guardians of ga’hoole and redwall. he loved that shit. like i’m just imagining him trying to get his friends to larp warrior cats but none of them read it so they don’t know what he wants them to do, and he keeps assigning them warrior cat sonas and calling them by warrior cat names at school,, and he keeps calling god ‘starclan’ (which makes stan. Mad). am i projecting? that’s a secret, i’ll never tell.

steve was absolutely the Anime Kid in middle school. the amount of times he got yelled at for naruto running in the hallways was far too much. and his faves were fruits basket, nichijou, and k-on.

i’m so obviously projecting with my steve hcs here but i’m not gonna stop and i’m gonna say steve’s a trans guy. i know it makes no sense in canon, but canon’s dead it’s mine now. anyways he’s known since around the time he started middle school, and stan and francine love him and support him and i don’t have much else to say without getting Too Projecting, but yeah steve’s trans.

steve was pretty socially anxious growing up. he did get better as he grew older obv, but when he was little he was A Mess in school.

steve loved making flower crowns when he was little. he learned how to in his 2nd grade art class and just obsessed over it for a good few years and he was always making them for the fam. francine, stan, and hayley didn’t mind, they thought it was cute. i can see hayley learning to make them too and the two of them exchanging crowns,, and francine probably learned how to make some too during her college years and steve would always get really excited whenever she tried making some with him. poor roger though, once he moved in, steve took him as his new model and roger was forced to suffer through sitting in the hot sun while steve covered him in flowers.

steve never stopped singing. oh my god, stan loves him but he eventually reached a point where he started hiding their disney movies because steve would always loudly sing along and he just wanted some peace and quiet to work.

i like to imagine klaus has a sibling-esque relationship with pretty much the entire fam, but especially with steve. he was always pretty protective of him despite not really being able to do anything if he got hurt, and klaus was always there to talk to whenever steve needed it.

steve’s always liked to help francine bake. originally it was just so he could claim the mixer of batter before hayley could, but he quickly got really invested and he still loves helping out.

and in general for the both of them:

steve was the type of kid who bonked his head against the table a little and would spend the rest of the night crying while francine comforted him,, while hayley was the type of kid who could fly down the stairs and leave an actual dent in the wall and she’d still jump up assuring everyone ‘i’m okay!!’

hayley and steve used to play pokemon together growing up. hayley was more casually into it while steve was more obsessed (i like to imagine it was a special interest of his growing up). nowadays hayley doesn’t play it too often, but every now and then some big news will happen like new starters getting revealed, and steve will show her and hayley still can’t help but get at least a bit excited each time.

francine tried to do cute little family halloween costumes a few years. the idea of them doing an addams family group costume is precious.

francine always took them out for christmas photos every year. just dozens of photos of the four of them in the tackiest sweaters. they don’t do it as often anymore (or at least they don’t take as many photos outside of a few while they’re setting up the tree) but they still have framed photos of them that they set on the fireplace mantle every year.

listen …….. there were definitely multiple instances when they were really little of stan coming home from work ,, and steve and hayley excitedly tackling him,,,, and stan dramatically acting like he’s being attacked and losing ,,,

despite roger being a Dick, he was super protective of the two of them back in the day. either of them come home from school with a bruise, and roger’s already planning out an elaborate revenge scheme.

as for stan ,,

i’m adopting @stancine’s hc to say he was definitely a country boy. i kinda like to imagine his uncle on his mother’s side lived on a farm, and stan was really close to him growing up and it just sorta became monthly to take weekend trips to see him.

stan loved horses. he was definitely a Horse Kid, and his fave breeds are clydesdales and friesians.

sheep too!! one of his favorite yearly activities is during the springtime when his uncle helps him out with shearing the sheep.

also stan loved camping. he loved going out on walks through the woods and he especially loved fishing, but the second the sun went down he cowered in the back of the tent next to his mom because he was terrified of the noises coming from outside.

stan was a really quiet kid growing up. he sucked at properly standing up for himself, that’s kinda the reason he’s so harsh on steve for accepting mistreatment because he knows how hard it is and he doesn’t want his son to go through the same shit he did.

mother’s day was always one of his favorite holidays. he’d be obsessed with planning the whole day around trying to make it perfect for betty. making her breakfast in bed and saving up his allowance to buy her a gift, and he’d always make elaborate art projects for her every year.

stan . tried to learn how to ride a motorcycle in high school. it was this random obsession he got for no reason where he just really wanted one, but he always panicked whenever he got the chance to try one out. never even got his permit because he was so scared.

stan had a lot of pent-up anger as a kid that he never even recognized as anger until he got older. because of that he often broke his toys on accident because something wasn’t working correctly, and sometimes he’d snap at teachers on accident. obv he still had a problem with it but at least now he knows what’s going on and can at least try to work on dealing with it.

betty used to read to stan at night when he was really young. they didn’t have many books around so it was just stan listening to her read the same four dr. seuss books over and over. he didn’t mind though.

stan’s always loved writing and a good chunk of his free time was writing little short stories. he took a creative writing class in high school and he almost immediately became the teacher’s pet.

stan was a pretty lonely socially inept kid and i like to think growing up he tried getting a lot of his ‘advice’ on how to interact with others through television. one time he tried to get a girl’s attention by doing the ‘throwing pebbles at their window’ trope, but he fucked up and got too big a stone and threw it too hard, and just shattered this poor girl’s window. and stan spent the rest of the night crying in his room before caving and turning himself in.

i can see him being really into superheroes when he was younger. just him bounding around the house with a blanket for a cape, acting out random scenes he read out of the latest issue he bought.

stan was obv a dog kid. he’d often find himself going to the adoption shelter near his house just to see the dogs there whenever he was feeling down. and his fave breeds were golden retrievers, pit bulls, and shelties.

god i have tons more for all of them but i’m gonna stop because this is already long enough as it is.

#i’m so sorry i didn’t mean for it to get this long djbfdjdkdkd #i'm tired too so i'm pretty sure a lot of this is Worded Weird and Awkwardly and i won't find out until tomorrow #anon #asks #long #american dad

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voidselfshipp · 3 years

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The Copper wars

Chapter six

Warning: mention of suggestive stuff and scars.

Jerico sighed with a heavy chest, he had just got informed of their Next battle against grey manns army.

The attack would be in a week,and they would have to be prepared by then.

It was a monday morning when the news hit him like a truck, he sat on the edge of the bed,his thoughts running wild while he picked on the crook of his arms skin.

Before he could hurt himself, illa,his white cat, snuck under his hand that was picking on his skin,and got free scratches,until he finally came to his senses.

He took a deep breath,and hold his dogtags hard.

His cats tilted their heads,and though no expression could be seen,they were worried.

Maybe a cold shower would help.

So little by little,his cats grabbed his clothes, chosing something hed be comfortable.

A black turtleneck and a dark Olive green jumper, his black fingerless gloves, some black leather pants and his boots.

Jerico smiled, and grabbed his clothes,plus some towels.

Though seemed weird to his co-workers when they saw both cats rest curled up in one of the benches in the shower room.

Warm water ran on his body,softly combing the shampoo into his hair,to then wash it.

After the shower,he put his boxers and pants on.

Scout elbowed engie softly, Also catching the attention of medic spy and sniper, most of the team also needed a bath , to try and clear their minds from the news they had been given.

They noticed down his back, a stripe tad bit Darker than jericos skin tone,going all the way down to his Lower back,right were the two shoulderblades were, a huge sunflower like Mark was dividing said stripe.

Some scars on his back, and the tattoos that ran down his arms and the one that also ran down his left arm and left pectoral.

--Sick tattoos jerico, how come we havent seen them?--scout asked, trying to get a better view of the tattoos,coming closer to blacksmith.

Jeri just shrugged--I use foundation to cover them--he sounded a bit ashamed--they have some meanings I dont think im ready to talk about just yet

Jeremy quickly backed off from asking questions and nodded--Well if it make you feel any better, I think they are pretty cool--the bostonian boy pressed a kiss to his shoulder, and decided that his Next action would be to bolt out of there.

Jer could only chuckle under his breath as he finished changing.

Though as soon as he put on his black turtleneck,the men present, aside from pyro and heavy,wich couldnt give less of a fuck, had their eyes make a quick trip down jericos back.

--Damn boyo!--demos accent barked loudly as a joke as he wrapped an arm around jericos neck--Youve been workin out eh?

Jeri could only laugh and shrugged--Keeping the shape you know?

After the shower he took the day off, he sat on the Lounges room sofá,minding his bussines, scribbling out some doodles of whatever his mind would come up with.

--oi--he knew that voice very well.

Sniper sat besides jeri, awkwardly signaling Him to come closer,wich jer obliged and did.

What comes Next surprised him, the aussie had wrapped his arms around him and hugged him tightl,his face sinking on his chest.

--Mick...is everything okay?--jerico knew that sniper isnt the cuddly type,unless its something that has been bothering him.

The Man just shook his head,and jeri nodded and layed on the sofá, with sniper cuddling on his chest,his hands made their way to micks hair, softly combing it.

And the sudden cuddles went rocketing from there, even heavy needed a quick hug.

Whatever this battle would be,it was sure to become a shitstorm,and all of his co-workers were very stressed.

Shit hit the fan when spy had snuck into jeris room for a quick cuddle session while he was drawing something to distract himself.

It finally dawned on jer that everyone was at their limit,and they just heard the notice of the war.

So, he put the gifts god had given him to work, while the rest was trying to cope with their feelings, jeri had started what he would consider,the biggest ammount of baked goods he had ever baked.

From normal pastries,to macaroons for spys refined taste, took four hours of baking, and the not so subtle smell of the Dough baking,And curious peeping toms going out of their way to steal a sample.

'Maybe this was too much'he thought to himself as he set the baked goods on the now decorated table, a nice tablecloth he had salvaged from his home, freshly brewed coffee and tea.

In less than five minutes,the team came rushing in like starving dogs.

--Ya did all of this because of Us --scout asked,his mouth watering.

--Yeah,i knew you guys are going through a lot, and back at my hometown, when I worked on the bakery, making this stuff was very therapeautic, so...its a win win, the maccaroons were a pain in the ass,but I wanted to make sure everyone had something to enjoy,oh and medic, I tried my best at pretzels,thats my ex bosses recipe,anyway,indulge boys

The team went and gave jeri a huge Group hug,and those who could stole a kiss or two, And they razed through everything they could get their hands on.

However,jerico Thought they all had Ate everything, but he was proven wrong when engie gave him a Cup of tea with honey,and Two of each pastrie he had baked before.

Needles to say it did wonders for the teams spirit, a bit of warm in these cold trying times if you Will.

From tuesday to thursday the team had a,albeit short, but very hard training,they had to be in tip top shape for the battle on monday.

Friday night brought along another moment of warmth, the team Ate togheter and watched a movie, jeri was curled up besides demo, who had a blanket wrapped around the two.

Scouts head rested on Jers lap, while sniper and spy sat near jer, with medic sitting on the floor with engie.

Pyro and heavy found the small scene of almost six men trying to cuddle anotherone rather cute.

The young arsonist would make sure to give jerico hell for it later.

On saturday,medic called jerico in to fix up some medical checkups before battle.

--Ill be honest vith jou--the german doctor took off his glasses and leaned on his desk--Zhis isnt how I originally zhought it vould zurn out,but given zhe circumstances I cant vait any longer....

Medic took jeris hand, pulling him in for a kiss, his hands cupping his cheeks.

Jers arms hugged his waist and a smile appeared on his lips while kissing--So thats why you were so nervous when I asked you if you were single

--Vell...zhat vasnt very subtle now...vas it?

--No...I dont think so

Both chuckled and kiss again,trying to forget for a bit their future.

#🔥⚒toughesr coppersmith around⚒🔥#f/o fic #tw//suggestive #tw:suggestive #tw//scar mention #tw:scar mention #tw//scar #tw:scar

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hybbat · 4 years

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Okay, I know this may come off weird. I do not play DnD or anything like it, but I saw some of your characters and I fell in love with them. If you do not mind answering me, I enjoy writing, and I am curious as to how you design your characters.

Not at all, besides D&D I also write in my spare time as well and make comics. I find they all have slightly different processes at least for me.

Since digital art is my main medium of expression, I tend to first draw characters before anything. Characters like Mikeitaa my druid tiefling I went into a blank page and just drew out and pieced it together along the way.

Others are inspired by things that make me excited; the most blatant is my aasimar barbarian, Ashar, who I drew after the KDA music video was dropped.

Its usually less blatant than that though, such as a general aesthetic, a colour palette, a design concept, sometimes its as little as a line I drew that just catches my attention. The important part is that inspiration.

I find this process is quite successful for me when creating PCs that I like enough to play. I usually develope their personality and character along the way while drawing, filling in the blanks here and there once I'm done to flesh them out. A good example of this I think is Reqei

His inspiration was his style of horns, specifically the thought of "what if their "eyebrows" were just hair tufts sticking out from the bottom of their horns?" I ended up drawing a tilted and kind of sad face and as the rest came out I developed the idea of this emotionally numb slave soldier. Talking to my DM about his setting placed him as a slave of the dwarves, his nicer attire and weapon due to being sold as a personal guard after not dying, and informed many other aspects of his psychology and personality. I filled in smaller things with the details that caught my attention and some creative thinking: he wouldn't use a gun and the starting gear doesn't allow for it but his master would certainly have his life threatened with one, so its a broken gun that serves as a memory. His claws don't quite match his colour palette though it compliments his gear's metal buttons and halberd.

Reqei is already someone who goes into instinctual survival mode and would use anything as a weapon, what if he saved his master clawing someone's face off with a cheap metal prosthetic claw and he had all of them replaced for his sake so Reqei had more weapons? Of course dueing this all the characters related to Reqei are also being fleshed out, such as his master and his master's wife.

I think the most important thing is that these things are not irrelevant. They inform/shape not only his character but the characters involved with him. I always ask "what does this tell me about the character?" Especially durring this process of fleshing out the little things. With this even simple characters become interesting and without it big characters might wring hollow, I've had both happen to me.

Its important that you are personaly interested in the character regardless of the medium, even if its just and npc or side character, something like "I would really like to see more of that character and see their story unfold." Thats how I usually make NPCs for my players, and its easy to control if you know what appeals to certain people and you can make it obvious that certain characters clearly have more going on to draw the eye even while making everyone interesting looking.

Some of that can translate to written and other mediums but I think for more structured storytelling like comics and especially writing you have to take a different approach. I find for comics its important for me to draw characters first still because the characters i come up with in my head I might not be able to draw to my satisfaction, but for writing you can go hogwild with your imagination as long as you can describe it, the character isn't as limited by your personal skill as in visual mediums.

The most important difference between them and D&D though is that you already know the story you're putting them in, they're often developed alongside the story as a part of it, not inserted into it. Because of that you have to think a little more utilitarian. "Does this serve a purpose to the narrative/themes/aesop?" In D&D its part of the DM's job to build a narritive AROUND the PCs and its developing live. In a written story this is usually a bad idea because it ends up with plot holes and such so its important characters be fitted into the story and not just created separately and inserted.

For zombiegirl we wanted to make a gag 4koma so we created characters that could clash and create comedic moments, made their personalities a little ridiculous and over the top, and most importantly created characters who while quirky in their own right, could play straightmen to the comedy. The genre really shaped the characters we made and many of the side characters were made to fill comedic niches that fit the aesthetic and themes.

They're also all visually distinct, with visual media people usually go by the rule of "every character has an identifiable sillouette". In writing I find a decent equivelant to be speech patterns and unique identifiable features that can be refered to quickly. This character has red hair, this character is the shortest, this one has no eyebrows; Something that could easily be used as an identifying nickname in a situation where their name isn't known.

In general I tend to write very eccentric and somewhat extreme characters. The most important thing to me is their point of interest. Something makes me want to play/draw/write more about them, something to explore. I tend to end up with "main character NPCs" because of this, where they're too interesting for their role in the story and never get explored to a satisfactory extent. In D&D thats okay because you never really know who your players will want to talk to and have a story with, but in structured writing it can just leave you unsatisfied if their interestingness isnt properly scaled.

I guess the most important thing is it feels natural. While people say "don't judge a book by its cover" people do express themselves consciously or not. Their appearance should serve a purpose. Whether you should create the appearance first or the personality first depends on what they're being made for. I always remind myself that in the end, characters are tools of their story and vice versa and to varying amounts create them with that in mind.

My last note is that I draw from things that interest me. I like plants and flower language and bugs and animals, nature in general. Sometimes I make characters with similar interests but more often I use that knowledge to create characters; characters themed after animals, motifs, drawing from animal behaviours and exploring them in a more self aware humanoid. I end up with a lot of wild child types and alien psychology because of this.

My most recent example of this is the harvester god who holds fatherhood as the most important relationship and opposes the eat or be eaten matriarchal drow spider goddess, inspired by how male harvestmen protect their eggs from egg eating females. I have to remind myself sometimes that when it comes to inspiration its more important that you like the resulting concept than accuracy to the inspiration unless accuracy is the point.

Some people get caught up trying to make one to one allegories but if you're writing fantasy then I think those are pointless. I like fantasy's ability to explore situations and characters that can't exist in real life, beyond just magical abilities and such. I end up creating very alien characters because of that. I tend to frame characters more biologically than philosophically which informs how they themselves think, which is often very animalistic.

I dont know if any of that satisfies your curiosity I think I got off track a lot, sorry. I hope I answered your question somewhere in there.

#ask #long answer

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whatevenismyaestheticidk · 4 years

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Things I’ve heard high schoolers say pt 2

Person 1: But air doesn’t splash Person 2: How do we know that, Im splashing the air right now.

Person: Prove me wrong. Prove fish can’t see air.

Person: I think you underestimate just how poor I am.

Person: I just invented a new thing. No Romo. Like no homo but with romance cause I’m lonely. Get it?

Person: So yah I burned my hair cooking ramen.

Person: Well I figured he wasn’t an adopted iguana.

Person: Say it. You know god is watching.

Person 1 upon heading the news of George Bush’s death: Wait he’s still alive? Person 2: No he’s dead that’s the point.

Person: I got it. *five second pause* no I don’t got it.

Person 1: My name is (name), but you can call me yours. Person 2: Okay nice to meet you yours.

Person: Don’t drink it all fool.

Person: Bruh you could literally turn in a gay fanfic and he’d give it an A.

Person: Bruh, what is this triangular accusation?

Person 1:It’s call physics. Person 2: Yah but I don’t take Physics hence they should not apply to me.

Person 1: Discreet. Person 2: No discr-yeet *dabs*

Person 1: Be impressed with my ability to bull shit. Person 2: I mean, it’s gotten you this far.

Person: Why do I feel like finals are lowkey Russian roulette? Like okay I made it through most of them but I still have a few pulls of the trigger to go and one of them might get me.

Person 1: Murder. Just do it. Person 2: I didn’t know that nike was sponsoring murder.

Person: How do mermaids reproduce if they’re just like conjoined legs?

Person 1: Frozen Yogurt Person 2: Fro yo Person 1: Frozen YOgUrt Person 2: Fro Yo Person 1: FROZEN YOGURT

Person: All I have to do to commit suicide is jump from my parents expectations to my grades.

Person 1: I mean yah I cheated on that test. Person 2: Man your love life it DOOMED!

Person: I was seeing if I was tripophobic by repeatedly stabbing my finger with my pen.

Person: You do know that crickets exist during the day right?

Person 1: Hey (person 2), we’re friends right? Person 2: ….. What do you want. Person 1: You know, that sandwich looks real good. *person 2 hand them the sandwich* OMIGOD THANK YOU SO MUCH I LOVE YOU!

Person: Omigod (person’s name) is going through puberty!

Person: If you pulled my ear I would have ripped out your nostril.”

Person 1: She’s attacking me! Person 2: No, he’s beating a woman, that’s not polite.

Person 1: I know many things! Person 2: like what? Person 1: ..... Person 2: my point.

Person: My shoes will be sparkly red stilettos. Fight me Dorothy.

Person: umm hello Christmas miracle even though I’m not Christian. Come at me 15 years from now!

Person 1: you’d make a really good baldie Person 2: yah you have a really rest head shape

Person: you know teletubbies? Yah that but compressed.

Person 1: I mean how will you become American? Person 2: paint me white, I’ll get a passport.

Person 1: I’m so funny. Person 3: it’s hard not to be when your life is a joke.

Person 1: So I’ve decided that my new career choice is to make school specific memes Person 2: That's Plan A? Yeash... at least Plan B lands you some cash

Person: I’m so small and bitter I’m like a human expresso

Person: You know what I’d name a baby kangaroo if I had one? David Jowie.

Person: I’m just saying that the orange red glitter crayon is you.

Person: I feel like a 1940’s schoolgirl who goes to an all girl finishing school where embroidery is a required class.

Person: I started high school with straight A’s, now I’m not even straight.

Person: Yeah, I’d swear by comic sans.

Person: (Persons name)stop being depressy and you’ll be more sucessy

Person: You can totally be insecure and self absorbed at the same time.

Person 1: Are you kids okay? Person 2: Besides crippling depression yeah.

Person: I don’t know it’s just giving me pig vibes.

Person: What drugs where the animators for “Pink Elephants on Parade” on?

Person: long story short I make like a semi hot guy.

Person: If I where pregnant id just be like 'you put this thing inside of me, you're helping me until it's out.'

Person: These girls asked me what type of guys I like and being the simple gay I am, I completely blanked

Person 1: why do you read on your phone if you get carsick at 20 minutes? Person 2:Because it works for the first 19 minutes.

Person: Three Indians, a Thai, a Colombian, and an American walk into a bar. Just kidding they aren't old enough to drink. Three Indians, a Thai, a Colombian, and an American walk into a school cafeteria...

Person: I can't do alcohol cause I'm not of age but I can do drugs because they're illegal for everyone.

Person 1: you can't have a breakdown, it's the third day of school. Person 2:... so?

*Group of kids singing Bohemian Rhapsody in twelve different keys* Person: For gods sake choose a key!

Person: For gods sake that was complicated. You didn't need to send out a survey to see which episode of which season of which show to watch.

Person: Honestly I'd chose stab over dab any day.

Person 1: She said she'd throw me out of the window. Person 2: She never did. Person 1: She never did.

Person: What language is this? *pause* Oh wait it's English.

Person 1: I mean it's pretty hit or miss. Person 2 from across the courtyard: I guess they never miss, huh?

Person: Chu-chu bitch. I’m a train.

Person after loosing game of kahoots: I’m going to ka-shoot myself.

Person: So basically I need to learn Hungarian for a song.

Person: No one screams their sneeze, its not human

Person: If I where a mosquito I would bite you and you’d get malaria and die.

Person: That tide pod aesthetic.

Person: No I loved Barney, Barney was my bo.

Person: If I where my own boyfriend I’d dump me.

Person: It's already a really good song but then it's dubstep so it's extra good.

Person: No one is EVER to old for coolmathgames.com

Person 1: Why are you using a poon? Person 2:….. Person 1: WHY ARE YOU USING A POON?!

Person 1: I’ve been blonde for 16 years. Person 2: So what? I’ve been brown for 16 years and you don’t see me coloring myself white!

Person: Yes. Scrape the sweat off my hand.

Person: No one cares about a square cube of water.

Person: We’re melanin intoxicated.

Person: Well my life may be a mess, but at least I’m not doing drugs. Yet.

Person: Negative 13 out of 10, do not recommend.

Person: Yah that’s gunna have to be a no from me.

Person: Fool me once......fool me twice.......fool me as many times as you want, my first name is dumbass.

Person 1: Ya know, I think the Americans have the order of dates right JUST BECAUSE you can do 4/20/2019. Person 2: Okay but they’re still wrong though.

Person with AirPods: And where are YOUR AirPods? Thats what I thought you broke bitches.

Person: Salem witch trials bitches.

Person: La Croix, the AirPods of the soda world.

Person: Who needs a thermometer when you have… your hands!?

Person 1: It’s time to bring back SEXY MASQUERADE BALLS Person 2: It really is. I need an excuse to wear an incredibly uncomfortable dress that's so big I can't even walk through doorways. Person 1: And to wear a swan inspired mask that doesn’t cover enough of my face to deem myself totally anonymous enough to be half as bold and daring as i plan on acting that night but everyone else is on board we’ll all just forget about it the next day. Person 2: That's to specific for you to have made up on the spot, you've thought about this.

Person: It was lady Macbeth that drugged and made the guards drunk, without her Macbeth would just be like “I guess I’ll stab him???” Person: It’s like playing where’s Waldo but the page is India and I’m Waldo.3Person: Why are there so many frowny faces everywhere?

Person: This group chat is weird. It's either homework, deep philosophical conversations, or memes, there's no in between.

Person 1: Honestly, where DID it come from Person 2: The endless abyss that is the internet.

Person: Are you really blaming our generational depression on Jake Paul?

Person 1: Oh. My. God. Guys. Keep your carbon dioxide away from my computer. Person 2: But sharing is caring. Person 1: But my computer doesn’t need this kinda of negativity in its life right now.

Person: Sweetie, if you think I’m going to stop wearing my favorite dress just because you kissed me in it, you are dead wrong.

Person with a metal straw: I don't drink broke.

Person: My whole life has become that sock on the floor. It's just there. When did life screw us over and then just ex? I’m just gonna write a book, and the last sentence will be life screwed them over and then exed. A story of the main character who gets screwed over, so I can get that 'it be like that sometimes' reaction.

Person in group chat: Positivity- I will make you feel better about being an idiot. Self Doubt- I will highlight all of your mistakes and set low standards for you so you'll never be disappointed. Me to Self Doubt- I'm listening...

Person 1: Sadly the disappointment never goes away... Person 2: Man we're a sad lot this time of year.

Person 1:It’s almost my favorite time of the year Person 2:Ahh yes. Singles awareness day, also known as chocolate sales at Walgreens eve, also known as... Valentine's Day. Person 1:... Oh... I meant rainy season.

Person: Being antivax is like swimming in shark infested waters because you're afraid the bridge could break lmao.

Person: I learned how eat a kumquat this weekend.

Person: It’s so sticky. It’s like clear cheese.

Person: Hamburger helper? More like hamburger help me pass this class.

Person 1: So I slipped on a grape… Person 2: You got K.O.’ed by a grape (person’s name), how does it feel.

Person 1: Look at me, I’m fine. Person 2: Well how many drugs did you take. Person 1: Several.

Person 1: Did you just say it’s ALMOST FEBRUARY? Person 2: Yes, it’s January 72nd.

Person: I knew your comedic standards where low, but poop jokes? Really?

Person: What? So are you insinuating the fact that reliablest isn't a word?

Person 1: [bitter old man voice] back in my day, tik tok was a kesha song. Person 2: Back in my day we had wires attached to our AirPods.

Person: There's a reason rainbows aren't straight. Just saying.

Person reading sheet music and seeing mf crescendo: I forgot that mezzo forte was a thing for a second so I thought it said mother fucker as a crescendo but mood

Person: He looks like a fine piece of toasted white bread.

Person: If life hasn't given me a fist bump by now, why should I give life one?

Person: we all died in 2012 this is hell.

Person 1: Who wants a pamphlet on condoms? Person 2: Why do you have this? Do you collect them? Person 1: Yah it’s my hobby. I have this one, one on HIV and one on teenage pregnancy.

Person: We live a society where reading about assassins and gory details is a hobby.

Person: Stop breathing so loudly on my thumb!

Person 1: I’m the comic relief. Person 2: For what? Person 1: Myself.

Person1: Who’s your valentine this year? Person 2: Me, myself and I. Person 1: Wow three valentines, you really can’t keep them away can you?

Person: Why do women gotta get their period, why not men. I wish I was born a seahorse.

Person 1: No we can’t all fit, her car is smol. Like you. Person 2: Says you miss 5 foot nothing lmao. Person 1: Hey we’re the same hight so says you miss 5 foot nothing.

Person: No, that’s cheating no emotionally disabling people.

Person 1: Why is it that we’re talking about someone burning eggs on two different group chats. Person 2: Hey I didn’t burn them. Person 3: Cause why not?

Person 1: That’s not how an Australian accent works. Person 2: This is why I’m not Australian, I don’t have the koala-fications.

Person 1: I’m Indian, numbers run through my blood. Person 2: That’s like saying I’m going to marry my cousin just because I’m white.

Person: So I ate veggies and hummus for lunch but then I counterbalanced it by eating a spoon full of straight Nutella.

Person: Seagulls, California Pigeons, what’s the difference?

Person 1: I humbly apologize and request your forgiveness. Person 2: I humbly decline your request for forgiveness.

Person: I think I’m permanently stuck somewhere between “If you mess with me I’ll fight” and “If you mess with me I’ll cry.”

Person 1: It was implied! Person 2: What’s implied is your inability to accept that fact that I’m right!

Person 1: I got lazy because I was eating Pringles. Person 2: She values Pringles more than me.

Person: Yo, you be the crazy ex girls they be talking about in memes.

Person: I swear (persons name) if I hooked up with squidward in your dream your subconscious and I need to have a little talk.

Person: You get to die, and you get to die! Everybody gets to die!

Person: How do you just add a child?

Person 1: Look at this ink based pencil. Person 2: A pen?  Person 1: This egg is all broken. Person 2: It’s like you then, you both broke under the pressure.

Lakshmi: Don’t force your opinion, voice it.

Person 1: If I where a fruit, which one would I be? Person 2: Sushi. Person 1:… Sushi isn’t a fruit.

Person: I mean it’s not straight up “Yo come here I’m gunna kill you.”

Person: Bye gays, bye (other girls name).

Person 1: No (person B) stop. Just shut up. You’re making me loose brain cells. Person 2: But… Person 1: No. Just no.

Person: Stop. That is non-consensual pizza eating.

Person 1: Cheese is not a vegetable! Person 2: Well it’s not a meat either! Person 3: Guys… It’s dairy.

Person: Idiots have priority over just regular dumb people

Person: God melted the polar ice caps just to make it rain for Noah then refroze them. I don’t know (kids name) I’m not god!

Person: You and I will go out, and leave them to their raw fish rolled in sea salad.

Person: Does anyone else get really energized when they change their room? Just me? Okay.

Person: I hope you know I will diss you guys to the end of the earth.

Person: Bruh talk to (person’s name) I don’t know sh… *notices teacher looking at her*…niahhh.

Person 1: The thing is, I don’t want to be 80 that’s rough. Person 2: Then just die at 50.

Person: You’d be scrambled eggs with hair.

Person: Seeing you two fighting, it’s like seeing a piece of light fighting a black hole.

Teacher: What can you tell me about probability? Student 1: I hate it. Student 2: Dont you mean you? Student 1: Yes both.

Person: My brain has the dumb I’m sorry

Person 1: If my first word was no, I’m assuming that’s foreshadowing for them my family disowns me after I renounce religion and systemic abuse. Person 2: Or…. You just need to make sure your last word is yes. Person 1: Yes to what though? Person 2: ‘Are you dying?’ Yes.’ Pessimism, just your style. Person 1: That’s true.

Person: My parents don’t message me, they’re the type of people who CALL. Where did I get my social anxiety from??

Person: Well guys it's been great knowing you I’m just going to drown now.

Person: I figured out a new diet regime, it’s called sleeping until noon and just not eating breakfast.

Person: The f on my birth certificate was the doctor paying their respects.

Person: Chocolates with raspberry filling are the sole reason I’m still alive.

Person 1: Isn’t Latin a dead language? Person 2: You’re a dead language!

Person: Hydrate before you diedrate.

Person 1: you have a son named Spider-Man? Person 2: what noooo! Person 3: well don’t expose her!

Person: That awkward moment when you just really don’t care about people.

Person 1: (Person 2) and I will be over here with my virgin margarita and her water. Person 2: Hey! I want apple juice! Person 3: Why are you not drinking (Person 1)? Person 2: Because she’s to single, and also she’d strip. Person 1: Woahh! How dare you assume that I’m not drinking because I’m to single?

Person 1: Ya know, I think I’m going to have to jazz hands my way through hell. Person 2: All of us will.

Person: Brown town children, y’all find someone in India?

Person 1: Wow you have the best backup singers. Person 2: I only hire the best, at least 5 stars in yelp. Person 1: Well good because that’s the sound they’re making.

Person: The cold kills everything, it’s like my heart.

Person 1: Remember the rolls I brought to school last year that I used to give you? The ones with paneer and the really good spices? Person 2: Yah? Person 1: This is not at all the same thing.

Person 1: What’s stevia? Person 2: It’s like sugar but no.

Person 1: Yeetus Skelettus. Person 2: Fetus Deletes? Honey, that’s called abortion.

Person: Anything for you. That’s what you said. Anything for you. But when I ask for just one bite of your pasta? No!

Person 1: I've written 1,300 words and don’t have a thesis statement or topic question Person 2: Yeah, you need to figure that out.

Person 1: you know I had a dream that you where in a romantic relationship with a toaster. Person 2: wasn’t that your relationship with (ex’s name)? Person 1: you’d have more chemistry with a toaster.

Person: Can people read colors? Cause I am ooo.

Person: It’s like hands but medusa

Person: You look like a cardboard jellyfish that’s brown

Person 1: Two of us like boys. Person 2: We all like boys. Person 1: Two of us like ONLY boys.

Person: you’re like a reverse plant. You convert oxygen into carbon dioxide.

Person: Shhhhh. I’m not in physics, let me be dumb in peace.

Person: Why are you laying down like some greek god, get up you brown child.

Person 1: Do all of you just think you’re going to be single? Person 2: I already am why not keep the streak going to get a high score?

Person: and now cracks of light are coming out from around the sides like some sort of computer Jesus!

People 1 and 2: Rock Paper Scissors Person 3: shoot me please.

Person 1: not since 9/11 you can’t. Person 2: dang. You just tossed your whole country just to prove a point. I’ve never been so proud.

Person 1: what is an angle of depression? Person 2: it’s my life. Person 1: no it’s you because it’s not straight.

Person: Boom. Lesbians.

Person 1: Well what if two rocks just washed up at the same time and humans. Person 2: Evolution.

Person: Watermelon isn’t good anymore, I swear its just water with food coloring.

Person: You being dumb makes me want to correct you, sos too being dumb cause I’m on vocal rest.

Person: well (persons name) who have you a mouth?

Person: Teachers that grade late work deserve all the love and cookies and cake in the world.

Person 1: honestly I just want to die right now. Person 2: same. Literally same.

Person: I just feel like a single molecule lost in space.

Person: who’s gunna stop me? God? Damn him to hell.

Person: the line is not actually straight it’s like (students name)

Person 1: It’s your favorite sleep deprived gay. Person 2: But I’m my favorite sleep deprived gay. Self love. Person 1: We Stan.

Person 1: Why do you have a tool? Person 2: Because my hair is moist.

Person: eating lead was an otherworldly experience

Person 1: I have everything stolen from me 2: at least you have the tiniest bit of dignity left 3: what dignity? 1: exactly

Person 1:( holding up katsup) does this go on salad?

Person:I’m turning red! Me! A brown girl!

Person: I’m not trying argue that we should date, I’m just saying.

Person 1: what’s your biggest turn on? Person2 : a light switch Person 2: or then leaving.

Person 1: what is the most attractive retire on someone Person 2: my own face

Person: you’d be that one bar do white chocolate that just sits in the feidge because no one wants it

Person: that’s like saying I’d rather see your shirt than your face.

Person: why would I shut up when I can shut (kids name) down

Person: Subtle. Gay. Vibes. I’m telling you.

Person: just watch me write my ee on all the reasons why nick caraway is gay. Just watch me.

Person: Why are you stereotyping. What if the body doesn’t want trucks, what if he wants to be a fairy.

Person: being ace is basically just eww no but like forever.

Person: Stop trying to science your way out of being wrong.

Person: even if you did ask me out I’d still say no so then you’d even be rejected by a trash can

Person 1: you can’t read cheese color. Person 2: yellow?

Person 1: Think about it like you’re brown Person 2: She is brown Person 1: Then act like it

Person: You’re not an ugly frog, you’re a beautiful human being. Person: I am. Very very dumb. And also. Bisexual.

Person: I was thinking of something smart but then I forgot what it was.

Person: I want to skip the crush phase and just make out with someone.

Person 1: The only way to get into the Holland family is to marry in through Paddy. Person 2: (Person 1’s name) this isn’t the royal family.

Person: Omigod you looked like the human version of squid ward.

Person: I want to be smart. Where can I learn smart stuff?

Person: But plant the seed and smoke the weed and chop the cane.

Peeeson 1: that is the definition of meter? Person 2: about 3 feet. Person 1: okay thanks America

Person 1: who’s Tom Holland? Person 2: Spider-Man you uncultured swine!!

Person: I am not a children

Person: Ohh dang yeah forgot chickens existed for a while

Person: Hey! Don’t narrate my water!

Person: I don’t read water.

Person: Think of it as a relationship. If you and your ex break up they are salty but you profit because you wanted to end it but if you end it weak, then y’all will argue back and forth and get nowhere with ending it while still exchanging insults.

Person: You know those really sexual mattress adverts?

Person: Oh please, you have the sexual appeal of an easy bake oven.

Person 1: weed is a gate way drug Person 2: YOURE A GATEWAY DRUG!

Person: (first, middle, last name), I love you to the end of the earth. But you are a daft child.

Person 1: She’s like that type of girl. She’s the long paragraph white girl. Person 2: Well that’s a niche if I’ve even seen one.

Person 1: swing you two fight is like watching two ants fight. Person 2: you friking piece of bacteria!

Person: I’m just an intellectual.

Person: I will murder your face off.

Person: that’s like a kilometer tall.

Person: It’s weird when I pet you horizontally.

Person: to be honest I thought those were rocks in a jar for the longest time. Turns out they weren’t.

Person: does she have a brother or gay tendencies

Person: I’m going to slap your hand like it’s a fricking spider.

Person: I like your face better blurry.

Person: every night at about midnight someone starts googling astrology

Person: I will kick you. I will murder your soul.

Person 1: I’m just going to marry a millionaire. Person 2: Where are you gunna finds a millionaire in this economy?

Person: Welcome to my tea party, there isn’t any tea to drink, but we have a lot of it to spill.

Person: Yah, it was something about sex or something.

Person: You’re all uncultured swines.

Person: I’m about as straight as a sine curve.

Person 1: They’re not Oreo’s you dumb head Person 2: I know that dumber head. Person 3 :Shut up dumbest heads

Person: As an ex foetus i can say with authority that if my mother had aborted me i wouldn't have known nor would i have given a fuck

Person: I’ve just accepted I’m going to fail this test. I’ve gone through the 5 stages of grief already.

Person: Yes I’m blind that’s why I need glasses fool.

Person: what the fork do you want you little son of a biscuit.

Person: Anyway now I’m taking Tylenol PM and I’m going to actually sleep tonight that’ll be fun.

Person: I need all the hoodies. ALL OF THEM.

2 notes · View notes

angrylizardjacket · 5 years

Text

when i said it i thought it was true [2] {Ben Hardy}

A/N: 2821 words. continuation of the Fake Dating AU; enjoy

[part 1]

He calls you darling with his head between your thighs, and a camera over your shoulder, and you’re scripted to card a hand through his hair - you can barely look at that wig and keep a straight face - and just as you do, the door in the centre of the frame bursts open. The camera refocuses, and it’s Gwil in a pair of shorts and a t-shirt, announcing that the band had been played on the radio. After a beat, he stops, sees you scrambling to push Ben away and cover yourself, but he’s more excited at the news as he gets to his feet.

It’s a short scene, and once cut is called on the first take, and the crew take a moment to look over the footage. Like clockwork, people start moving around you, adjusting lighting, shouting technical jargon that you’ve learned to tune out over the years, and Ben sits on the edge of the bed as Gwil joins the pair of you, chatting with Ben about the football.

You’ve got a robe somewhere but you don’t bother with it, just wait as the scene is reset around you, and people come in and fluff the pillows behind you, and the camera angles itself a little lower as the sheet gets pulled off of you. You’re very glad that most of the crew are professionals, because they’ve got you in a pair of high-cut, surprisingly flattering cotton panties, and a tight, brown crop-top with a fringe that stops just above your stomach.

Gwil leaves and Ben leans back, his head pillowed on your thigh, and you gently kick him with your free leg, though it only serves to make him laugh. And then the cameras are rolling and Ben shifts so he’s laying on his stomach, his cheek resting against your thigh as he looks up at you with that mischievous glint in his eyes.

There’s a moment, seeing the way he looks up at you, part of you forgets it’s acting on top of acting, and you feel like you’re thrown back in time, leaning against his headboard as he presses a kiss to your inner thigh, the room dark around you apart from the warm glow of the light beside his bed and-

The director calls action and you’re ripped from the memory. If it hurts, just a little, to see him smile at you again like that and know it means nothing, you try not to dwell on it. You smile back.

“Do you have to get up? We’ve got the day off.” Ben wraps an arm around you pressing his forehead to your back, his voice still rough with sleep.

“You have the day off.” You correct with a small smile, trying to sit up. He just tightens his grip, pressing a kiss between your shoulder blades. “Ben.” The way you say his name is a gentle warning, and you can feel him smirk, his lips against your back as he gives a hum of acknowledgement. “They want me on set in an hour and a half.”

“Come on, that’s heaps of time.” And he’s tugging at your hip. You take that as your cue to turn, fondly exasperated when you finally look at him. “So this one is...?” He prompts, small smile on his lips as he sees the way you’re playful annoyance turn endeared.

It’s something else to wake up next to him, his hair a curly mess, expression unguarded and affectionate in the morning light. The curtains aren’t open, but there’s a sliver of light peaking through a gap between them, and the light shines in, hitting the arm he’s got draped across you. The idea of Ben Hardy trying to keep you in bed, smiling at you like that, would have been laughable just a few months ago, yet here you were.

“Midsomer Murders, they’ve got me playing a baker’s daughter who’s killed ‘cos she looks like some bloke’s ex.” You tell him quietly. There’s a moment of silence that follows, and you’re not even sure he heard you, a look in his eyes like the world outside could be burning and he wouldn’t even care if you’re by his side.

“Sounds like it’s right up your alley.” He mused, arm still around you, and you laugh at that. The sound makes his smile brighter.

“What the baker, being murdered, or looking like an ex?” You asked lightly, though you realise too late that it could be construed as some sort of twisted relationship test, thought he just chuckled, not reading anything into it.

“Finding yourself playing someone tragic.” He explained. He’s still smiling, but your own expression falls as you consider the weeks you had ahead of you.

The producers of Eastenders had sat you down to explain that your character was going to overdose at the end of the Season, and be rushed to hospital. The survival of her was entirely dependant on the fan’s reaction to the character and the event, but even if she recovered, her romantic arc with Ben’s character would end. The fans wanted him back with Lauren, and the production team agreed.

“Do you think it’s weird that my characters keep getting killed off?” You asked, and he rests a hand on your cheek, thumb gently brushing against your cheekbone.

“‘course not, babe. Two is a coincidence, maybe start worrying about being typecast if it happens again.” He’s so gentle when he says it that you can’t help but smile back, leaning in to press your lips to his before getting up to start getting ready, and Ben grumbles without you by his side, but he’s smiling as he watches you flit about the room.

“You and Ben were together last time we worked together, right?” You and Gwil are the first two on set for the first day of shooting the Madison Square Garden after party. You’d just wanted to get their early knowing you’d have to spend a good deal of time in hair with the wig they had for you for the scene.

“That was a while ago; surprised you even remember that.” You laughed, eyes closed where a makeup artist was busy applying eyeshadow.

“Yeah, I forgot about it until the Interruption Scene,” he says, and you snicker, humming with agreement. The silence that stretches between you is a pleasant one. You’d been on quite a few episodes of Midsomer Murder with Gwil, enjoyed his company well enough, not that the two of you had really spoken back then, he’d been a lead and you had different bit-parts every time, and you hadn’t really kept in touch, but he was shaping up to be a good friend on set here.

“How are you two going now?” He asked, idly, watching your reflection as your lips were painted a bright red.

“Good.” You answer automatically, pausing to blot your lips before elaborating. “It’s- uh, honestly it’s weird being back together.” You cast an uncertain gaze to the makeup woman who was clearly trying to hide her surprise.

“Good-weird?” Gwil asks, raising an eyebrow, and you hesitate. When your words come out next, they spill, too fast as if making up for the silence in which you had to actually think about the answer.

“Yeah, of course, it would be weird if it wasn’t, you know, good-weird.” After a beat, you took a deep breath, forcing your shoulders to relax. “All relationships are weird at first.” And you swallow, standing from your seat and heading into get your wig. Ben’s yawning as he steps past you to get to the makeup trailer, and you catch his wrist as he passes.

“Hey.” Voice soft, you smile at him, trying to push down your sudden uncertainty. He looks a little confused, but his answering ‘hey’ is kind and fond. He catches sight of a makeup assistant waiting for him, and he presses a quick kiss to your temple before making his way in.

It’s easy to pretend to love him.

Almost as easy as it was to actually love him.

"So are you gonna leave him once you leave Eastenders?” Maisie was rather blunt. She was one of the only people you talked to after having your production with her had wrapped, and that’s more so because she was a freelance production assistant for indie movies, and she’d let you know about upcoming projects.

“What the hell, May, no.” You spluttered, and she rose her eyebrows leaning back and taking a long sip of her coffee. She’s judging you. She’s always judging you. It’s part of her charm, you learn not to be insulted.

“Oh, I thought it was just like, a publicity thing.” She admitted, and your brow creases in confusion.

“That’s fucked, that’s so disingenuous.”

The two of you fit together so easily, sitting on a gilded love-seat in the middle of Freddie’s living room set. Ben’s got an arm around you and a prop glass of alcohol free champagne, and there’s extras all around you buzzing with energy. Every so often you’ll catch one of them watching you and Ben as if you’re some sort of spectacle, and you have that unique sinking sensation that comes with being a public figure; of everyone knowing your business whether you told them or not.

“I think they know.” You murmur in between takes, and he makes a hum of acknowledgement, before turning to you, expression neutral, if not a little confused. “I know, that’s the point.” You know what he’s trying to say without him having to say it, reading him even after a few years apart.

“You wanna get dinner after this?” He asks quietly, and your expression turns reflexively confused.

“It’s already midnight, it’s not like anyone will expect us to be out, not that anything’s open.” You rested your cheek on his shoulder as he looked out at the crowd.

“We can go to Seven-Eleven for all I care, I just need to get food after this.” He muttered, and you suppressed a smile.

“So we’re putting it on for the cashier?” You asked, and he turned to face you, chin bumping into your forehead when you refused to move your head.

“Babe,” he says pointedly, and you have to laugh, because if you don’t you think your chest might ache a little, “I just want company, it’s not that complicated.”

Except it is that complicated. Being around him like this has reminded you how good it felt to be with him. It’s been almost three months, and you’ve forced yourself into the habit of reminding both of you that it was fake, that it was for attention, and even if you were really friends again, there was nothing real about the romance. It was getting on his nerves, now that you were closed to the end of filming.

“I know that this isn’t real.” His grip on the steering wheel is white knuckled as he drives to McDonalds. “I get it, okay, I know what’s happening, you can stop reminding me.”

“It’s not all for you, Ben.” Voice soft, you lean back in your seat. He’s parked, but neither of you feel the need to leave the car.

“What? You’re reminding yourself?” He asked, and you made a noise of affirmation, and he’s quiet for a long time.

“Half the time, if I don’t remind myself, I just forget.” You refuse to be embarrassed or ashamed by that. “We didn’t actually break up that long ago,” you reminded him; it had only been about two years, “so I’m sorry if it’s weird for me.”

“It’s weird for me too, okay?”

Your final scene of the Season has you laying in a hospital bed. There’s no words, just the steady beat of a heart monitor that’s going to be added in post production, and a shot of Ben’s face before he leaves, slamming the door to lean against it with his face in his hands.

You fall asleep about five minutes into filming, and it’s only when Ben comes and lays down beside you on the hospital bed that you wake. Apparently they’d already filmed three takes. His eyes are red-rimmed, but he’s smiling.

“Don’t cry for me.” You tell him, gently teasing, laying your head on his chest and yawning loudly. He wraps an arm around you.

“Tell that to the writers.” He snorted, his hand rubbing gently up and down your arm. “I don’t know how you can sleep through all this.” He mused, and you give him a deadpan look.

“Well someone didn’t let me get a lot of sleep last night.” Though your tone is accusatory, your smile is playful, and Ben refuses to meet your gaze, a blush rising on his cheeks.

“I’m not going to apologise for that.” He says, tone lofty, though his voice drops to a murmur. With a giggle, you press a kiss to his jaw, murmuring that he shouldn’t need to apologise anyway.

When he looks at you, looks past the makeup they’ve put on you to make you look sick and weary to the way you’re grinning at him, and he kisses you gently, his finger beneath your chin, lifting your lips to meet his.

Ben’s called away a few moments later, and you see the woman playing Lauren smirking at him from the door frame. Ben rolls his eyes at her as he climbs from the bed, telling you over his shoulder that he’s sorry he disturbed your nap, and you laugh at that, shuffling into a comfortable position as one of the crew members came over and straightened the hospital blanket around you.

After the two of you talked in the McDonalds car park, things have become easier. There’s no more reminders, not in the traditional sense; when it’s just the two of you, he calls you dude, and you call him buddy, and neither can take the other one seriously. He almost snorted beer from his nose when the two of you grabbed dinner at a pub and you’d told him;

“You look cute tonight, buddy.”

Low effort, low pressure, you let yourselves fall into the role of best friends who occasionally kissed when in public. It’s not even weird when you remember little details about one another from when you were together, it was more fond than anything else.

“Ben, settle an argument for us,” they’re on the set of Freddie’s first apartment, and you weren’t actually in the scene, but you’d been bored out of your mind at the hotel you were staying at and came along to watch the recording. Ben was sitting beside Lucy on his phone on the brown leather sofa in the middle of the set, while Rami and Joe were laying side by side on the mattress by the piano, and you were behind the camera with Gwil, trying to touch his wig, and getting your hand slapped away every time, as if it were a game.

“Is this the most impractical bed,” Joe parroted the script, and Lucy’s delivery, to which the actress rolled her eyes with a goodnatured smile, “or just a genius designing his room to best suit his own creative feng shui?”

“Why would you ask him?” You call over as Ben considers thoughtfully for a moment. “He designs his living room about how to best minimise glare on the TV.” You snicker, and Ben looks like he’s about to protest, but then his expression changes and he’s nodding in agreement, before adding.

“The bed’s impractical though, I keep kicking my shin against it.” He adds, and when the boys are giving him a confused look, surprised that he agreed so quickly with your words, he shrugs. “We lived together, she knows what my living room looks like.” He says, as if it’s explanation enough, and honestly, it is.

“Do you ever think about getting married?” The two of you are curled up on his sofa one evening, binge watching something forgettable on Netflix, and your whole body freezes. “Christ, calm down, I’m not asking you, I’m just curious.” There’s a laugh in his words, and you let yourself relax.

“Maybe one day, when I’m a bit older.” You muse, sighing softly and leaning further into him. “When I stop playing crack whores and murder victims.”

“But you play them so well.” He says, with all the fake-enthusiasm he can muster, and you shove him in the ribs.

“Oi, I’ve got more range than that.” You huff, before settling back down. “What about you?” You ask, and he lets out a low, long hum.

“Haven’t really thought about it much.” He admits, and you make a noise that’s halfway between amused and confused.

“What’s got you thinking about it now?” When you ask, he tightens his grip on you, just a little, pressing a kiss to the top of your head.

“Not really sure.”

the rat pack: @callumidiot @rockandrollandshit @bohorap @pietrorunsforme @sweetfierceimagines @itsjackothy @mhftrs @sherlockiantheatrenerd @softbenhardy @multifandomgirlrandomstuff @virtualsheepeat @smile-nine

(crossed out means it wouldn’t tag; i’ll try again for the next part, lemme know if you wanna be tagged xx)

#ben hardy #ben hardy imagine #ben hardy x reader #bohemian rhapsody #borhap #bo rhap #borhap imagine #borhap cast imagine #bohemian rhapsody imagine #queen #queen imagines #eastenders #eastenders imagines #gwilym lee #joe mazzello #rami malek #the angry lizard writes

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ecmlol · 5 years

Text

“ it’s ok . Jude gets a little grumpy too at bed time” noah says

Jude pokes his head out of the freshly sprayed bathroom and give noah a look as to say really?.

“So where’s my birthday boy at Mr Hot mic.” Patty says in a flirty way.

Jude pokes his head out again.

“Well that sexy son of yours is getting his dental hygiene on at the moment.”noah says

“ oh ok then how is my handsome son in law.”

Jude is wondering why his mother is flirting with his husband as he spits and rinses his mouth.

“ ok ok I’m done you can stop flirting with my husband now don’t you have your own?” jude says

“ oh my god noah how do you put up with this jealousy issues.”

Noah sits up and pats the bed in between his legs so jude knows where to sit at.

“ I like it , it just apart of his love languages.”

Jude loves that noah gets him.

“ I will be worried when he stops being jealous.” Noah says

Jude smiles and takes a seat.

“There’s my beautiful baby boy”

Justice starts to sing happy birthday .

Noah and Patty starts to sings along. Jude starts to blush.

The singing ends

“Awwww are you blushing?” Patty says

“ no ..”

Noah kisses his shoulders.

“ it’s ok if you are Dane “ noah whispers against the side of Jude’s head.

“ it’s just I haven’t had anyone sing me happy birthday in a long time.” Jude says quietly as he wipes his eyes with the back of his hand.

Zero didn’t do birthdays so he never did anything for his.It was just a nother day.

Noah wraps his arms around jude and hold him closer to him.

Jude straightens ups and wipes his face again.

Jude sees that Justice has her Jude bear back.

“ how did you get your bear back?”jude ask

“I got it in the mail today”Justice says

“ it came with the nicest apology note from Brandon too”patty adds

“ wow isn’t that great Jude “noah says

“ yeah wow that’s awesome “ jude says

“ he explained everything jude . It was a accident baby.”

“Do you believe him”jude ask

“ yes I do,think hes being sincere baby”

“ ok”jude leans back and sighs.

“ baby we have to go it’s getting late and this one need to go to bed.”

“ thanks for calling”jude says

“ your welcome baby I love you so much”Patty say

“ bye jude bye noah “Justice say

Jude and Noah both say good bye and hang up

Noah isnt ready to let jude go just yet.

“ what are you thinking about?”

“ Brandon.”

“ want to talk about it.”

“ maybe I’m wrong about him maybe Brandon really is having problems with the whole split personality thing.”

“ you really thing your dad would lie?”

“ it’s Oscar “

“ the same guy that came to the wedding and helped you with eve and to keep the Devils. Prison changes people. Sometime for the better.”

“ true maybe he really has changed. He hangs out with your dads which is weird what could they even be talking about.” Jude say

“ maybe they are teaching him about being a good parent.”

“ your dads do seem awesome despite them not exactly liking me”

“ they never said they didn’t like you. You just aren’t what they expected.”

“ from the looks of them they are pretty opposite.”

“ true they are blue collar white collar pops is a artist and my dad a foodie ,one likes sport the other would rather watch cooking shows.”

“ ok well I have my whole life to change there view of me”

“ I wish you would stop thinking there is something wrong with how they see you. You are uptight Jude . The giant bottle of half used lube proves that and there is nothing wrong with being a walking talking wound tight, tight ass person .I love it . I just hope you don’t have a heart attack or anything because of it.”

Jude frowns

“ not funny noah “

Noah kisses Jude’s pouted lips.

“ your so adorable when you pout.” Noah kisses him again.

“ no I’m not”jude says

“ so it’s your birthday what would you like seeing you have everything. Your favorite car the team..”

“ I don’t know I’m pretty happy with everything in my life.” Jude say with a small smile on his face

“ ok I guess I can’t really buy you anything. So how about 15 kisses and 15 birthday spankings.”

“ oh 15 that’s it?”jude smile.

“30 total”

“ oh so you are being stingy with your affection huh?” Jude crosses his arms and acts like he’s offended.

Noah laughs

“ I’m being stingy huh?”

“ yeah you are “Jude says in a challenging tone.

Noah gets up and playful shoves Jude to his side of the bed . Jude lands face down and his butt facing Noah.

Smack! Jude smiles and jerks a little.

“ one”

Smack .smack .smack .smack

“5”

Noah smirks to him self and loses his shirt and boxers and lays in bed

“ hey that was only five”

“ it’s only 1218 am I have a whole day to tap that ass and kiss you.”noah says before kissing Jude’s cheek,jaw,nose, temple and forehead. Noah lays down and he can feel jude glaring at the back of his head.

Jude clears his throat.

“ yes my Dane can I help you?” Noah turns over to look at Jude.

“ thank you I the little spoon tonight remember ” Jude lays down and wiggles him self as close to noah as he can.

“ goodnight” jude say

.Two can play that game. Jude thought to himself.

Noah smiles to himself and wraps a arm around jude and buries his face in Jude’s pillow.

“ love you my Dane happy birthday ”

“ love you more .Jude smile and rolls his eyes.

The next morning Jude is woken up to the smell of bacon in the air .

Noah walks in sweaty wearing his gray cut off sweat pants and a red tank top.

“ raise and shine birthday boy.”

“ wow breakfast in bed?”

“Yes its all most done” noah walks over and kisses Jude’s neck.

“ six”

Noah kisses jude 4 more times on his neck and on his forehead.

“ 10”

Jude groans.

“ what ?”noah say innocently

“ you know what “ jude says as noah tries to retreat form the bed.

Jude grabs him by his hand and pulls him back.

“Wooh “ noah falls back into Jude’s lap

Noah smiles. Jude cups Noah’s face and kisses him on the lips.

“ 11,12,13”

“ no I kissed you so that doesn’t count “

“ fine”noah rolls Jude on top of him and kisses jude kiss more passionately this time and then gets up.

“13”

“ hope this breakfast come with a quickie.” Jude shout s as noah runs out the bedroom.

“If we have time”noah say

“ Jude hops up and heads to the bath so he can ambush noah in the kitchen

As Jude finishes up in the bathroom he can now smell cinnamon. Cinnamon is one of his favorite.

Jude peeps into the kitchen it’s a bit of a mess and see noah bent over and is pulling something that smells like heaven out.

Jude sneaks behind noah.

“ what are you doing?”noah looks up and see jude ‘s reflection in the oven door.

Jude hops up on the only clean part of the counter and lays down. He tries to act cool and tries to pose casually.

As noah dips the cinnamon goodness in butter and then in cinnamon and sugar Jude tries to be sexy and almost falls off the counter.

“ Dane please don’t kill yourselves trying to be sexy because you my Dane are sex on two legs to me “

Noah places the cinnamon goodness on a plate. Noah turns and almost drops the plate. Jude is laid out naked with bacon only covering his bits and pieces with a piece of bacon hanging out of his mouth.

“So .... quickie?”jude said mumbles around the bacon

Noah puts the plate down.

“Bring those with you “Jude say after he finishes the bacon in his mouth.

A hour and a half later.

At the arena.

Lionel is on the phone with Eve and German who are at the airport.

“ Has The cake arrived yet?”Eve asked

“ yes final it better be good.im glad I texted noah to stall Jude from coming to work too early “Lionel said. Lionel didn’t tell them she meet Brandon today and she thought she’d have to kick Noah’s ass for a second. She figured it out when she called Noah to chew him out.

“Hey Lionel we have to go I see them.” German says

They quickly say their good byes and hang up.

Lionel hangs up and turns around. The first thing she sees is jude half dress and then Noah who is in the same messy shape. They are both smiling and eating something.

“ Are my socks in your pockets?”Noah ask

“ maybe give me a second. this would have been easier if we had a bigger car.” Jude says . They have been talking about it but noah doesn’t want a new car because it’s paid for and Jude doesn’t want to give up his car because he like Porsche so much. noah thinks his car is big enough for a family .

“ we have been talking about it. do you have a pair of underwear in your pocket too I’m free balling it and it’s not a good look“ noah asked as he is putting his belt on. Noah doesn’t want to sound irritated about it.

Jude starts to pull out one sock and two ties but no underwear.

“No underwear but I have two ties”

“Ok that works. Don’t worry about the underwear I think I have a extra pair in my office you never know when you might need it.”noah says thinking about last night stomach issue.

Jude final puts his suit jacket on .

“ I think I have cinnamon and sugar on the back of my neck”

“ oh your lucky thats the only place you have it at my balls feel gritty “noah say

Jude couldnt help but to laugh and think about eat a part of his breakfast off of Noah.

They are half way to Lionel now.

“ do I look ok?”jude says

Noah fixes Jude’s hair a little.

“ perfect . What about me ?“noah ask

Jude dust off Noah’s face and shirt

“ ok your good now”

“ wait your shoes look funny.”noah tell jude

Jude looks down.

“ what’s wrong with them?”

“ you have my other shoe and I have yours .” Noah kicks off Jude’s shoe and Jude does the same.Then they swap shoes.

“ ok I have to go.” Noah say after a quick kiss and a quick slap on the ass.

“ 25”noah says as he walks away.

Lionel nods to Noah.

“ well happy birthday to my favorite ex step son.” Lionel say with a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

“ thanks I can’t wait to get this over with I hate being interviewed and I hate talking to large crowds ”

“ unless it’s noah ? Right?”lionel says

“ exactly it’s easy with him but I don’t think he’s working for the local news channel.

“No but he will be someone that interviews you today.

Lionel and Jude start to walk toward the court.

“ do I even want to know why you’re late?”

“ I’m sure you can guess.” Jude smiles

Minutes later Jude is at center court welcoming everyone to family day.

The first one of Noah’s videos starts to play on the Jumbotron . All of the rookies appear and Noah is interviewing them. The video is called who’s new in devilnation. Jude and Lionel are off to the side watching the video.The next video is all about the old player there is a birth announcement, an pregnancy announcement, and a engagement announce.

The screen goes black

“ and here’s your wedding video”lionel tells jude.

The Jumbotron goes dark and the first pictures of their of their wedding pop up. First the out side of the chapel with there wedding date comes on the screen.

Out of no where noah appears at Jude sides.

“ hey”

“ hi”

Noah Jude and Lionel are standing side by side watching the video.

“ I don’t think I have ever seen you smile so much or so freaked out“Lionel tells jude.

“ freak out?”noah asked jude

“ I thought you changed your mind.”

“ what !I was only like a few minutes late” noah leans in and says.

“You know how I get some times. Can we not talk about this while I’m trying to enjoy your master piece” jude says as he elbows noah.

“This was the best day of my life right next to getting the devils.” Jude says

Noah smiles.

“It was my favorite day too. And it was perfect.”noah says

“ ab-so-freakin-loty”jude finds Noah’s hand and holding it. The warmth of Noah’s hand helps jude calm his emotions.Jude takes a deep breath and wipes his eyes with the back of his hand.

The video is over and the screen goes black.

A pretapped message from noah comes up.

“ hey big guy. I just wanted to tell you how happy I am to be able to wake next to you everyday. So devil nation join me in wishing the king of la and my amazing husband a happy 30th birthday!

The Jumbotron lights up and the words for happy birthday come on .

The whole arena starts to sing.

“ close your eyes”noah tells jude

“ what?”

Noah covers Jude’s eye and they shuffle around.

Noah removes his hands from Jude’s eyes

About 60 feet away there is a devils backdrop and one of the largest cakes Jude has ever seen. The cake is made to look like the arena and the parking lot. They even have toy cars in the parking lot.There is enough cake for everyone in the arena.

Jude looks at noah and smiles.

Jude takes Noah’s hand closes his eyes and makes a wish. Jude opens his eyes and sees his father mother , and both his father in-laws walking around the back drop.

“ so are you surprised?” Lionel says

“ very” Jude’s says as he watche both his parent coming to toward him from two different sides.

“Hey baby”patty says

“ son”oscar says

Jude turns toward his dad and takes a step. Oscar reaches out and pats him on the shoulders. Oscar smiles and then awkwardly hugs him.

“ you have made me a very proud man.”oscar says

Jude didn’t know what to say. He doesn’t know how long he has waited to hear him say that.

“ thank you”so far today has been the best birthday that Jude can remember.

Jude gets tapped on the shoulder.

“ Jude “ patty hugs Jude tightly around the neck and kisses his cheek.

“ I can’t believe you’re both here.”

“ it wasn’t easy” Lionel say

Jude turns to Lionel

“ thank you”

“ well this was a group effort” noah says.

“ we all helped” German says pointing to Eve.

If this was a way Eve was trying to get into good graces with jude then it is working.

“ thank you”

Noah’s camera man is hovering around to catch any great moment of Jude’s birthday celebration.

“ can I get a few pictures of you and your family “ Jeremy ask jude

“ sure I definitely want a copy of the ones with my parents and me . I need proof that miracle are real.” Jude says with a smile. Jude is going to frame the picture and it’s going to be the first thing that goes on the baby’s wall .

In the middle of a picture with just jude and his dad something yanks at his pants leg.jude jerks a little and looks down between his legs.

Justice pokes her head out from under the cake table.

“ surprise!”

“ hey “ Jude bends down and pulls her from under the table.

Justice laughs at jude lifts her in the air and then puts her down.

“ I totally forgot she was under there “ patty say with embarrassment written all over her face.

“ Stellar parenting Patricia” Oscar says

“ oh no “ noah say under her breath.

“ after pictures Oscar go to you’re corner.” Lionel says

German and eve stood proudly next to Lionel .

“ your feisty .”patty says

“ yes she is “ German say.

Jude tells Justice to go hang with their mom while he finishes taking pictures with Oscar.

A few minutes later Jude is done with taking pictures for the arena.

Jude walks over to the small crowd of friends and family.Jude’s father in laws are first to greets him.

“ happy birthday Jude “Chester says as he gives Jude a bear hug.

“ happy birthday son” marshal says with a hug that reminds him of Noah.

“ thank you guys for coming”jude say. At the moment jude is a little overwhelming.

“ your welcome when Noah told us about it we couldn’t miss it.”Marshal says

“ The three of us flow in together. Thank you for the invitation Noah” Oscar

“ not a problem.” Noah say

“ why don’t you all go and enjoy family day” jude suggest

German and eve head off telling lionel that they will see her later.

“ Jude I was hoping to spend some times with you and give you your birthday gift.”

“ you got me a gift?”Jude says in complete shock.

“ i have a few interviews in about .” Jude checks his watch.

“In 10 minutes we can talk after?”

“ of course jude . Go. Meet me outside on the loading dock afterward Jude”

Patty rolls her eyes

“ loading dock?”jude says

Oscar walks away before answering Jude’s question .

Jude looks at noah and mouths loading dock?Noah smiles and shrugs.

“ trying to make up for lost time with expensive gifts isnt going to change things.Bastard” Patty says out loud to herself.

At the moment Jude feels like he’s on the spot and it make him feel like he is off his game. Jude all ready has a lot on his plate with the new season , his brother lurking around and the baby on the way . Having his parents feuding isn’t helping anything.

“ and get sober starting a whole new life isn’t going too erase past either.” Jude says and walks away leaving Patty shocked and unsure what to do or say

“ Mom I want some cake please.”justice say pointing to the cake that is being cut not to far from where they are standing. Patty blinks and focus on her youngest.

“Of course sweetie we can get you a piece.

Noah follows after Jude

“ hey you ok?”

“ was all of this your idea?”jude asked

6 notes · View notes

ohgoddard · 4 years

Text

Hollyhead Heroes : The Road most Traveled.

Alongside the mountain tops rests a town known as Hollyhead. A quaint town soon thrown into chaos from a myriad of factors , the least of them being a set of foreigners arriving to it. No, the issues of Hollyhead came long ago. When the town was young, it had a simple winter festival on the winter solstice in which such fun games were held. However, the festival awry one fateful solstice. A father and his two daughters took to the festival in such grace and happiness. Their father steps to a game of strength, one where you bring a hammer to a lever to see how high you can launch a weight. He was a heavy set man, so such an act was simple for him. He raises his hammer in the air, drops it upon the lever with such a force that the weight effortless flew into the air, until it was out of sight. Until it suddenly was. Upon the father's head.

And with their Father's death the daughters curse the festival that took his life, and ever since the town has experienced terror on that day and days following it.

But it all changed once more.

Enter... the Foreigners.

"All I'm saying Flint is that i'd make an excellent bodyguard!"

" And all I've said is no you oaf, I travel and do business alone."

The exchange was held between a tall and rather skinny man, shirtless with long flowing hair and covered in scars, perched atop a carriage to a shorter, red skinned demon-man with a temper. This shorter man, known as Flint, was atop his own cart. A more open ended cart, filled to the brim with weapons, glittering in the cold air. Adorned in a heavy jacket, he grumpily rides aside the Oaf and his carriage, adjusting his hat as to hide his horns.

"I won't even want payment!" shouted the shirtless, almost giant of a man, "I just want to go to Winthrop with a job! I can find other ways of making money, I can-"

"Fine! Fine , ill think about it. Just, a bit of quiet please."

The tall man smiled, and settled back into his Carriage seat, hands grasped onto the reigns of his horse, Butterscotch. It was in this moment he remembered his passengers.

Reaching behind him to open the small window to the outside he used to talk to the passengers he was met with a very strong stench, a smell he cannot describe. His eyes began to water the longer he faced his small communication window.

"What in the divines is that foul odor?!" he announced in a great bellowing voice.

What he saw in the carriage was a short dwarf , with what appeared to be a large clay golem in the carry-on storage above him digging in a pouch , a scaly dragonborn with a lute looking like the devil himself, a cloaked figure in a corner, and an elf who's very presence was emanating a sense of dirtiness. As if she were visibly staining the seat she sat on. Which she was.

"Why, I uh adont smell anything !" the elf said. The carriage driver stared her down with a look of extreme disbelief it could have disproven anything.

"Whats the look a fore Mr...uhhh... I never learned ya name. Strange being out here this cart fer so looong and not knowing your name its kinda weird hahaha man I need to be better in my mann-" "Its Great Strength." he said cutting her off.

"Great Strength? What kinda name is that?" said the dwarf , finally looking up from his bags. " Seems almost like a joke, given your heh shape." The dwarf was the stereotypical type, except for a pair of goggles atop his head. " Like you can talk, Mr. I-cannot-say-my-name-without-saying-who-my-dad-is." " How dare you call out me, Aludin son of Sphere!" he chuckled . "Ahh I see your point! Quite funny!"

Great Strength rolled his eyes. He looked over his shoulder to make sure hes not falling off the mountain before returning to the window. " You, elf, stop with the foul smell."

"Why ah do NOT smell Mr.Strength!" the elf replied rather snappily. "And do not call me elf! As uh customer ah expect to be treated nicely and by name thankyouverymuch!" An audible facepalm can be heard emanating from the driver's seat as the carriage is filled with laughing from its other passengers. "It is Odette, should ya wish to uhpologize to me!" " I am deeply ashamed of my dishonor upon your name, Miss Odette" Great Strength said with a roll of his eyes. "Thats better!" Odette said as she settled back into the stain she had made upon the seat.

"Well, Miss Odetee, please stop whatever it is that is creating that oder. I just had the cleaned!"

A gasp is heard from the corner of the cloaked figure. "Lies! There was garbage everywhere when I got in here!" "Well it was cleaner than when she got in here!"

And during this interaction, the cart running alongside the carriage of Great Strength hears all of this, and looks on rather curious, as this has been the most interesting thing this trip.

All the while a soft song plays from the dragonborn, not bothering to enter the conversation, creating a tempo to his song by snapping his fingers and playing one handed, showing remarkable skill.

But in his head he was laughing and he cast a spell of stench over and over again, soiling the air and sheets of the carriage.

Great Strength removed his head from the window to view the road ahead, entering a forest.

"Friend Flint! I do see a clearing up ahead!" Great Strength announced joyfully. "Perhaps a time and place to rest?"

"No, why would we stop? There is a town not to far. And I dont really wanna stop with you guys. I've got a competition I have to-" and in that moment Flint stopped speaking and started falling off his cart. Along with the rest of the gear he had and the poor Donkey pulling it.

"Friend Flint! Your back axle has snapped!"

A short groan came from the ground.

Great Strength slowed his horse and carriage to a stop in the clearing, where his traveling companions cart had been broken, and hopped off the help him. When he grabbed his arms to help him up, his skin burned but he cared not. He was helping others.

"Do be careful! You do not know what lies in these woods!"

"Yeah yeah," Flint said as he yanked his arm away," its not like i plan to crash my cart."

The door to the Carriage opened up and out stepped the party that inhabited it, however Odette the elf stumbled out rather clumsily.

"Why we stop?" the dwarf Aludiun asked.

"Why, our Friend needs help!"

"Why do uhhh he need help?" replied Odette, scratching her head.

"I have schedule to keep with the city and the destruction of my liver" annoyingly said the cloaked figure.

"Who are ya again?" "Its Midias, thank you for finally asking."

The lute playing finally stopped as the dragonborn stepped from the carriage. He surveyed the surroundings and said nothing, sniffing at the air.

"Well aint this just dandy. Mr.Strength why do we hafta stop for this ...thing?!" "Because Odette, it is the right thing to do, also it is my carriage and I will do what I damn well please with it."

Aludiun approached the back of the crashed cart to observe whats going on, he being a craftsman and all.

"Ah I do see what your problem is!"

Flint, still saddened of the company he finds himself in, asks with a sigh. "What could it possibly be?"

"A creature. It ate your axle."

The air seemed to still. And the party became increasingly aware of where they stood. And what was watching them.

"We are not alone ,Friends! We do have company!", Great Strength exclaimed as he rolled his shoulders.

And as if on cue , two monstrous ice white wolves exited the brush, snarling with spittle dropping from their snouts.

As they stood, everyone could be seen reaching for something. Some for a sword, some for daggers. Others outwards, others inwards. One not at all, for all he did was eye up the beasts.

Great Strength turns his head to Flint, looking over his shoulder down at him.

"Consider this a taste of my services."

Before the eyes of the party, the already 6 foot 9 man grew another foot and about 200 pounds stronger, muscles forming out of every crevice. Laughing the entire time.

And in the blink of an eye was across the clearing and delivering four punches into a wolf's jaw before it could even comprehend .

Breathless, Flint smiled.

"Hired."

#dnd #dnd story #dnd storytime #writing #writers #original story #original writing #action story

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beans-tacos · 4 years

Text

Huge Mistake| Agents Mini Story

The room was dark, silent, with the smell of coffee lingering in the air. Cooper just came back from a crazy case and boy! He was exhausted as hell! He let him self relax on his chair and stared at the ceiling while thinking about the case he just worked on with his partner, Agent Torres. He heard footsteps approaching his office. Cooper knew exactly who the person was and obviously was ready for whatever circus his colleagues brought in.

Knock Knock

"Jordan?"

The voice brought a little smile to Cooper's face.

"Oh come in lovely!" He shouted.

The door slightly opened, the person peaked his head in. His hair was weirdly styled but It didn't look too awful. His eyes looked very tired but still looked alive. It was non other than, Agent Torres. He had an annoyed look in his face cause y'know? He practically finds everyone annoying.

"Ha ha very funny Jordan...." Torres said sarcastically.

"Well look who decided to come pay his lovely partner a visit" Cooper replied.

"I'm not here to play games Jordan, just came here to say I'm going out early today...." He said sounding a bit aggressive.

Cooper stared for what felt like forever. He was confused on why Torres was leaving so soon, they still have a case to work on he can't just drop it.

"Oh? Any reasoning behind that Torres? I mean we still got a case to work on ya can't just bail on me now" Copper said with a chuckle.

"Well something came up and it's important...." Torres said.

Cooper knows damn well that Torres has nothing to do outside of the FBI. The guy lives on his own and practically has no one with him. He's obviously lying but Cooper ain't going to question him any further.

"Oh! Well uh sounds great! I'll keep ya updated on the..... C-case" He said trying not to sound too sarcastic.

"Thanks for understanding" Torres said with a smile and walk away.

Once the door closed, Cooper grabbed the lamp off him desk and threw it to the ground with a loud aggressive grunt.

"YOU STUPID SON OF A BITCH!!" He shouted angrily. "THE HELL YOU GOTTA DO THATS 'SO' IMPORTANT!?!?"

~~~

Some time has passed

Cooper was in his car, driving where he probably shouldn't be. He pulled up near an apartment building just a little bit outside of downtown Los Angeles. Cooper sat in his car and tried to not expose himself too much. He saw another car pull up near the apartment. That car looked a little too familiar. It was a white Chevrolet with a big black stripe on it and it looked like it has been washed recently. Cooper kept an eye on it. The door swung open, Cooper waited for the owner to get out of the car.

"You son of a bitch....." Cooper said to himself.

A guy, who was average height with slightly styled brown hair, walked up to the apartment door. He stood there for a good 5 seconds until the door opened. Agent Torres was behind the damn door and the guy who stood in front of him was none other than Captain Daniel.

Cooper felt his blood boil.

"So this the shit that's so important!? Being the boss's side gal?!" He said to himself.

An idea came to his mind. He took out his phone and opened the camera. He made sure the pictures were clear and snapped multiple pictures. He looked through them to see if they came out good.

"Oh! This will be good" He said with a chuckle.

Cooper waited for the 2 men to step inside the apartment. He texted his group of colleagues

Meet me in the lounge room ASAP!

~~~

Cooper waited in the lounge room for his colleagues to show up. One person walked in, he was a little shorter than Cooper. His hair almost covered his icy blue eyes but were still visible. He looked pretty young and his face was covered in freckles. Cooper looked at him annoyed.

"Of course you just had to be the first to show up Agent Gray....." He said in an annoyed matter.

"Oh! Agent Cooper! Nice to see you around, I was in the evidence room making sure everything's in order until I got your message so I came as fast as a I could" Gray explained.

Gray has this small southern accent which makes Cooper want to strangle himself. He rolled his eyes and tried not to say anything hurtful to him.

"Yeah cause you have nothing else to do other than flirt with all the guys you see...." Cooper said sarcastically.

"I don't flirt with anyone!" Gray shouted.

Cooper just laughed at him.

"It was sarcasm you knucklehead..... Jesus kid didn't you go to English class?" He said.

Gray just turned away from him and stayed silent. Someone else walked in the room. He was taller than Agent Gray but shorter than Cooper. His hair was slightly fixed and dark. He had that head shape that every girl loves and not to mention, his chin is perfect.

"Ah great..." He started. "What could possibly be so important this time Agent Cooper? I have a case to work on y'know?"

"Well your stupid case can be on hold, Agent Sanders. You're gonna love what I'm about to say, well once everyone gets here." Cooper said.

"If this is another one of your homo games, I'm kicking your ass!" Sanders shouted. "Plus everyone's out doing their job, y'know what you're supposed to do!"

"How about you sit your ass down and look pretty and listen to what I'm gonna say Sanders!" Cooper shouted.

"And why in hell should I listen to anything you gotta say Jordan!" Sanders shouted back.

"Okay could y'all not argue!? Jesus Christ why do y'all always do this when we have a meeting!?" Gray shouted at them.

The room went silent for what felt like forever. Then Sanders broke the silence.

"Alright I'm sorry" He said sarcastically while he sat down in his chair.

Cooper stared at Sanders with an annoyed look in his face. He pulled out his phone and opened his gallery to get the pictures he took while he was at Torres' apartment. Sanders looked at Cooper with an eyebrow arched. Cooper placed his phone in front of him. Sanders took a glance at the photo.

"What is this Cooper?" He asked calmly.

"That there Daniel, is the bitch who bosses us around with the bitch with daddy issues." Cooper replied with a smirk.

Sanders sighed heavily. He couldn’t believe what he was looking at. Agent Torres, the guy most people in the FBI admire for his hard work, with Captain Daniel, the guy who bosses them around to get their job done.

“Jesus Christ Ryan..... He’s making a big mistake. I don’t know how you got a hand of these photos, but if anyone were to find out about any of this. That’ll put them at risk and potentially get themselves kicked out of the FBI.” Sanders explained.

Another idea kicked in Cooper’s mind.

“I know how these bad boys can come in handy.” Cooper laughed.

Sanders stayed silent for a moment, trying to figure out what Cooper’s getting at.

“Oh you are not going to black mail them! You’re going to get yourself in trouble!” Sanders shouted.

“Well Torres’ always being a little bitch so why not use these against him? Oh and Aaron can go suck a dick, I mean what does he actually do? All he does is sit in his little office and judges all of us and complains how no one gets anything done when we’re basically risking our own lives trying to help the city! So I say we use these against them, they won’t do shit.” Cooper went off.

“That is a horrible idea! Y’know what Cooper? I am out!” Sanders got up from his seat and headed to the door.

“Yeah I am with him.” Gray added and followed Sanders.

“Okay could y’all hang on a fucking moment!? NO ONE IS FUCKING LEAVING!” Cooper yelled.

Sanders and Gray looked at him. Cooper’s face was slightly red and very angry, he could probably snap someones neck if they angered him more. They shut the door and stood with their arms crossed.

“Thank you, now I have a little question for the both of you guys.” Cooper said calmly. “Sanders, how does Aaron treat ya?”

Sanders rolled his eyes.

“Why does that mater?” He said.

“Just answer the damn question Daniel!” Cooper said frustrated.

“Well he always comments on how I look but it ain’t no complement. It’s always something negative like how baggy my shirt looks or how weird my hair looks. Stuff like that.” Sanders explained.

“So he’s just an ass in general is what you mean? Jesus I’ve always hated Aaron, I mean what even is Aaron Daniel Barnes? That is such a horrible name combination.” Cooper complained.

Sanders just shrugged. Gray has been listening to everything they’re saying, he doesn’t really like getting involved in a trio conversation. But he has to know since now he’s part of Cooper’s master plan.

“Gray, how does Captain asshat treat ya?” Cooper asked sounding very sarcastic.

“Like shit....” Gray replied.

“Be specific cowboy.” Cooper said as he rolled his eyes.

“He doesn’t like me very much. He always says that I sound like some weird country girl who likes to prostitute themselves.” Gray added.

Cooper just laughed at what Gray said.

"Not gonna lie you kinda do." He said.

"Not helping Jordan....." Sanders said sounding annoyed.

"Well here's the thing. The three of us back lash at Aaron by implying that him and Ryan are secret lovers." Cooper added.

"Alright, I'm down.... For a little while okay? This is the only time I'll ever do anything nice for you Jordan." Sanders said as he got up from his seat and headed to the door.

Gray just kinda stood there like a lost puppy. Cooper looked at him confused.

"The hell you waiting for cowboy? Get moving! I don't need you wasting my air!" Cooper yelled.

~~~

It was the next day. Captain Daniel came in an hour late. It's not the first time he's done that. Sometimes he doesn't even show up. He walked by Agent Sanders as usual. He took a quick glance at him and he looked quite annoyed.

"Sanders what did I tell you about those baggy pants?? They look very unprofessional, what if the some important person comes here and sees you like that? Yeah they wouldn't too happy." Captain Daniel said.

"I mean I'm not the one who's hoeing around wearing skinny jeans to impress young little boys." Sanders back lashed.

The captain just stared at him with an annoyed look.

"Oh what's that? You said you wanna get fired? I mean I can go do that right now if you want, it's no bother." Captain Daniel replied.

Sanders just stayed silent and went back to doing his report for the case he was working on. Agent Torres walked by along with Agent Gray. Every single day, those two walk around together talking about whatever is on their minds. Captain Daniel glanced at Torres and just kinda gave him a weird awkward smile.

"Keep up the good work Torres, cause you know your boss really loves you!" Sanders said sarcastically.

Captain Daniel glared at Sanders. You could tell he was hella annoyed.

"Do you want to get your ass fired?" He said.

"I mean sure! If you insist. Then the work won't really get done around here, since you're always hoeing around with Torres. So y'all kinda do need me." Sanders added.

The Captain just kinda froze. He walked off and slammed the door in his office. Torres glared at Sanders.

"The hell was that for!? Great! Now you've angered him and he's probably gonna give us extra work!" Torres yelled.

"And why are you so worried? Are you worried about him not sucking your dick? I mean can't you just hoe around with him so he gives you a free pass? You won't have to do anything." Sander added.

"The hell has gotten into you Daniel? Why are you acting like a huge douchebag? Y'know what I don't need this!" Torres said.

"Good I was kinda getting tired of you." Sanders said.

Torres shoved past Gray. Gray just looked at Sanders with a worried look.

“Don’t you think that was a little bit too harsh Daniel?” Gray asked.

Sanders was not enjoying doing any of that at all. Torres is his friend and they’ll do anything for each other, but Cooper asked them to do so. Sanders is somewhat terrified at Cooper but he’ll put him down if he needs to.

“You think I’m enjoying this? No! Not at all! That bitch Jordan is basically forcing us to do this shit.” Sanders added.

“Can’t we just, not do this at all?” Gray asked.

Sanders sighed. They just agreed to do this and who knows what Cooper will do if Sanders and Gray want to back down.

Cooper walked by Torres and gave him a smile. Torres looked at him with an angry look in his face. Cooper did the same thing at him.

“Got anything to say Jordan?? Are you also gonna make a snarky comment like Sanders did?” Torres asked.

“You want me to make a snarky comment on you? How about you quit being a little slut with the Captain and finish this damn case that was due yesterday? Hm?” Cooper said.

Torres just stood there. He was confused on why everyone keeps saying those things to him. Do they know what he’s been up to? Or are they just being douchebags as usual?

“Me? Being a slut with the Captain? That is the most stupidest thing I have ever heard you say from all the dumb shit you say all the time in the past years.” Torres added.

“You know it’s true Ryan. You think I haven’t noticed how Aaron treats you like a princess? He’s always giving you all the credit even though we all work as hard as you do! The Employee of the Month wall is your face all over it! And what do the rest of us get? Nothing! He’s always like ‘Here sweetie, you get the medal of honor because you’ve worked equally as hard as everyone else!’ And not to mention, I saw him show up at your apartment the other day giving you the goo goo eyes!” Cooper went off.

“Keep it down will ya? Someone will hear you.” Torres whispered.

“Well TOO BAD! Because most of everyone knows about your little love fest with the Captain! Why the hell are you even doing this!? I mean why him!? Out of literally anyone else, why him!? You’re way too young for him!” Cooper shouted.

There was a long pause. Torres didn’t bother looking at Cooper’s face, he could tell he furious. This isn’t their first time getting into an argument. Usually they fight over the dumbest things ever but this time it was serious.

“Jordan....” He began. “Mind your own DAMN BUSINESS!” He shouted as he shoved Cooper and walked off.

Cooper stared at him. He wasn’t sure on what he should do. His vision started to get blurry. A tear ran down his face.

"Dammit Ryan...." He whispered.

#my oc stuff #my oc story #my original characters #jordan cooper #ryan torres #henry gray #aaron daniel barnes #daniel sanders #Agents

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sasukebarmitzvah · 5 years

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watching every naruto opening and discussing my opinions because im bored liveblog

original

took me a little while to warm up to it idk why maybe because its not as up tempo and its a shonen and i want to get hype but i love it now. love the part where the camera pans around team 7 fighting randos they are babies… also its so funny when sasuke holds out his hand to naruto to help him out of the lake and he jsut fist bumps him. gay boy

Haruka fucking kanata baby!!!!!!!! a fav. like we all know this. i listen to the song just regularly a lot and every time it comes on shuffle im like Oh my god its haruka kanata. read the english translation of the lyrics… sns

this one got stuck in my head for a while lol. i like seeing everyone babie and i like naruto shaking his head at the end to dry off like a dog

DDMnanannaddnnaaaaa naaaaaaaaa nda aaWE ARE FIGHTING DEAMERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OOLI OLI OLIOOOOoohh!!!!! very fun very good also a very good time in the show, hello tsunade

**edgy shonen opening where theres something important in front of a chain link fence**

lol skipping 6-9 bc thats the huge chunk of filler which i didnt actually watch most of

shippuden

heros come back is SO GOOD absolutely one of my favs. banger first of all. i love how its actually choreographed and naruto sakura kakashi are like moving to the beat and i love the part where the animation is like pencil sketchy and theyre running and their bodies warp bro its just cool. the part where everyone dramatically reaches for gaara is fun, also love deidaras moment. anyway i shake my ass to this song eveyrday

distance oh god oh fuck. YOU ARE MY FRIEND!!! the sasuke and naruto stuff where they are little baby at the beginning at the end we return to the same place theyre there and like about to stab each other i’m going to scream. i lvoe the song of course. hello sai! i love team 7s little spotlight moments where they get to pose to the music its so cute. why is sasuke snake jesus? DO you remember that long lost DREAM!!!!!!!!!!

BLUE BIRD YA BANGER ok the whole symbolism. when naruto falling next to sasuke rising is positioned like yin and yang lol. when naruto is falling from the sky but then sasuke comes to mind and he springs into action lol. ok random people from the fillers i dont care about. naruto fell in the lake he picks up the bird feather interspersed with a couple shots of sasuke horgh. additional reading: paper bag by fiona apple

closer is one of the ones where im like eh its ok its not my favorite and then it gets to the chorus and my dumb ass is jsut screaming YOU KNOW THE CLOSER YOU GET TO SMETHING THE TOUGHTER IT IS TO REACHIT. the funniest part where narutos moping and thinking of sasuke and then he just perks up and smiles at the camera like. gay boy. like getting to see the asuma fight scenes in this op, also it was so funny seeing him get all the screentime in this op knowing hes about to die like yeah very subtle

SHA LA LA!!!! LOVE IT i love it i love it soooo much first of all banger second of all naruto looking into the water and his reflection is sasuke. lollllll. metaphor m-e-t-a-p-h-o-r the little prechorus bit in the middle gives me chills. love sasuke walking into the purple pool like a smug motherfucker thats my boy. at the end zooming into sasukes pupil zoom out it’s narutos eye oh the poetry..

signs another one of the ones where im like eh whatever its fine but not my fav but by the chorus i am standing on the table freaking out. like fuck jiraiya but this one got me a lil. the lighting and choreography of the sasuke itachi fight bit is sooooo nice and pretty, love getting to see all the new players in the story. baby ame orphans fading to the shot of yahiko as pain.. :(

this one literally makes me cry. i get chills what the fuck. definitely one of my favs. am i a bitch? maybe. i like the song by itself but like the way the rise/general shape of the melody flows with the visuals its like oh god oh fuck. again fuck jiraiya but like the role his character serves as a link between these disparate groups of people and the way thats used in this opening… how it starts and ends with him writing and this is the arc where naruto reads tales of a gutsy ninja and he learns about how he got his name and jiraiya wrote the book and hes WRITING and im going CRAZY!! i’m starting to tear up watching it rn. the shot of konan and the pains in that moment just before they leap forward. Sayonaaaaaaara aa lksasldfkwpoeifjhnuerIELFeuiertekdjsnlfweiourbg kakashis moment is cool in this op. also love to see the girls getting fight scenes in this op cus they sure dont in the actual show LOL anyway yeah im at the part where the melodys just hitting sooo different oh my god naruto frog eyes

DIVERRRRRRR. FAV literally like naruto is drowning. hes drowning and everyone is pushing him up so he can breathe again everyone is fighting to save him and thnen he s ouf ot the water and then he sees sasuke drowning and he JUMPS BACK IN. FOR ONE PERSON EVEN THOUGH ALL THESE OTHER PEOLE were working to help him out he dives back in for SASUKE whos drowning in the eyehole of obitos mask which is cool. ok yeah this is another one where im like tearing up because THe cymbal is em….. the way The movement of the visuals is choreographed with the song is so much. nico TOUCHED the fucking walls.

this one kinda annoys me i dont know why it just wasnt my favorite. love the sasuke and naruto staring at each other intensely moment though, would this be a shippuden opening without that. also the part at the end where sakura holds up her kunai and it like slashes and covers sasuke and naruto… inch resting…

newsongs so weird i love it. like what the hell is going on. why is naruto running like hes from some weird gmod video from 2013. love the LITERAL choreography, everyone dancing to the song like this is a musical. theres just a lot of weird moments which is fun. love sai naruto and sakura making the seal together to shoot lightning. raikage leaping gracefully across the beach

i do not enjoy this one. i just dont. it just feels like we’re bootlicking which of course we are because this is the war arc and everything is a nightmare

i remember seeing the first episode with this opening and i was excited bc its like… great another naruto pining for sasuke one this is what im here for. a light banger. minato manlet monday. ohh right this was the one where gaara sees his dad again and his OH I SEE SASUKEE

Banger! nico did indeed touch the walls again. i like that this one is like visually thematically consistent thru the whole thing, i like the nighttime dimly lit atmosphere with the bursts of brighter colorful lighting, also whenever i see tsunade i freak out. narutos cute at the end

SUCH A BANGER!!! also very cool visual style, appreciate it for that like the last one, its got that pretty consistent aesthetic with the red sky and the high contrast black blocking its fun and cool to watch. did i mention the song is a bit of a banger. obito passing thru the rock is cool too bad hes an idiot

ok from this one there were two lines i remember always seeing in the english sub that made me freak out. and one of them was like “this red hot love burning my heart” and it was over kakashi and obito fighting like damn OK. also the “i put the candle out with my finger” thing sticks in my head idk why. hate that we have the narutos big meaty claws i mean manly hands moment though. omg its hashirama and madara and then it CUTS TO SASUKE AND NARUTO IN THE SAME POSE LOL OK…

SILHOUETTE IS a banger… not as much so as some of the others but its a lot of fun. very colorful op, we got some naruto pining for sasuke, classic. also love the thing where ppl are running and they age as they do and they sort of grow into their present selves, a fun visual bit. the end where narutos like obito be nice now look at all these people behind me who think youre a meanie please be nice :(((((((((

another one with a really good visual principle ugh i love how the style of the show is integrated w the styles of more traditional printmaking its very swexy and nice to look at

LINE uugrgh i love this one, maybe a fav… naruto chasing after the light and sasuke trying so hard to snuff it out as they both reflect on their memories of each other oh god oh fuck… also i love the bits where it just has all the characters in a row like it reminds me of that one post about how in the endgame trailer they had a shot of all the female characters together to be like Girl power!! and someone was like yeah thats them showing u exactly how many women theyre going to disrespect LMAO but yeah i do love this op. also the song itself being slower w/ the triplet tempo is a nice change of pace

blood circulator hee hee… the version of this with naruto and sasuke moments is A Lot but even just the generic first version is fun. the part where narutos like knocked on his face hes sinking into the tar and hes not even trying to save himself hes just staring at sasuke, but then he sees sasuke distressed and he goes bijuu mode immediately like What did u say about my mans? there is some homoeroticism

i really hate everything about this i hate it all. sasuke is cute. thats it. ok first of all why did choji cut his hair his long hair look was so gooooooood. hinata bimboification? i mean if anything it was fun to watch these fillers just cus it was fun to watch kakashi be the hokage but really goofy and also the Crumbs tossed to the kakairus… but yeah i hate everything temari got bimbofied too like ugh please let her be a dyke :( this isnt even me talking necessarily about the opening this is me just being like i hate the naruto ending. LOL SASUKE AND NARUTOS NO HOMO BRO HIGH FIVE AT THE END LOLLLLL

ok im done

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ask-misto-magichrome · 5 years

Text

Question Time part 1

Recently I answered some questions along with my sister @ask-victoria-pastelgoth about being a twin. It's full of revelations all around.

1: Which is the youngest?

Misto: *points over to Victoria* The official baby of the family.

Victoria: yep and I enjoy it for the most part

Misto: she gets away with murder

Victoria: but I’m not allowed a boyfriend

2: Are you identical?

Misto: Except for the biggest obvious difference, yeah pretty much. Same face shapes, same natural hair colour. *mumbles* same height...

Victoria: but technically we are fraternal twins

Misto: ohh technically.

Victoria: *is not amused*

3: What is your twins favourite food?

Misto: The souls of those who have wronged her.

Victoria: *smacks him on the head* idiot, he is obsessed with Coffee if that counts as food.

Misto: I have no idea what you're talking about *sips from an iced latte*

Victoria: meanwhile I have been known to devour anything chocolate *blushes*

Misto: chocolate covered souls.

Victoria: can we please move on to the next question, I feel like I will kill any minute.

4: What is your favourite memory of each other?

Misto: Vic would go to dance lessons then come back and teach me what she learned until they let me go too.

Victoria: *smiling* whenever I felt sad Misto would put on a little magic show for me, even if some of the tricks didn’t work it still put a smile on my face.

5: Who takes more time to get ready?

Misto: *silently sips coffee*

Victoria: that would depend Misto takes at least half an hour for tugger *smirks*

Misto: I do not! Anyway who spends an hour deciding between dresses every date they have? Ohhh do you think he'd prefer the blue or the-

Victoria: *tackles Misto*

6: Name a common friend of yours.

Misto: We have a couple actually. Jemima, Jerrie, Teazer, Plato.

Victoria: I would say Munk but he’s more friends with our older brother. And don’t forget Cettie and Electra

7: What is your favourite film to watch together?

Misto: *glaring at Victoria* Don't you dare.

Victoria: *smirking* I love seeing how worked up you get over it. But Twilight is the last film we would enjoy together, I got bored. However I would say we enjoy watching musicals together.

Misto: I told you to not! And for the record I did not enjoy Twilight. The whole thing is unreasonable!

Victoria: well I only watched it to laugh at it with Jem but apparently these two enjoyed it only I got bored.

Misto: -alive for all eternity and are 100% completely straight! Theres no way!

Victoria: please just move on or we’ll be here all day

8: Who is better at studying?

Misto: Me. Easy. Next question.

Victoria: hold on you only study when it’s something to with magic

Misto: and your notebooks are covered in doodles about all the boys you think are cute. You don't even have colour coordinated notes!

Victoria: I do when we have a test coming up.

Misto: *just stares at her for a second* next question.

9: Who is a better driver?

Misto: Well, Alonzo doesn't like me driving the car. I can't think why.

Victoria: you haven’t passed your driver’s license, me I’m stuck on learner’s. To Alonzo if he can drive we don’t need to know how to.

Misto: my provisional license is mainly used for ID when buying alcohol.

Victoria: So never

10: Who is good at sports?

Misto: er.... is Alonzo an option?

Victoria: our sport of choice is more dancing.

Misto: I'd say it's not as competitive but have you seen some of those dance competitions?

Victoria: some of those guys train to the point of collapse

Misto: Ew

11: Do you have the same personalities?

Misto: Sometimes. Occasionally she's a spoil sport and ruins the fun.

Victoria: sometimes you go overboard with magic

Misto: So you say

Victoria: and Alonzo has said it too

Misto: Yeah coz he's the expert

Victoria: whatever you say

Misto: *mouths know it all.*

12: Do you have any nicknames for each other?

Misto: Vic, Vicky, loser, Oi works a lot too. Darcey Bussell when she screws up a dance move. The Queen.

Victoria: mainly Misto, magic man, wannabe magician when he blows up something.

13: Does your twin have any annoying habits?

Misto: Hogging the bathroom and the tumble dryer. "Borrowing" CDs.

Victoria: spraying glitter everywhere when he does Magic, changing the channel when I’m watching something

14: Whos closest to your parents?

Misto: *Goes silent, just glaring to the side. Refusing to answer*

Victoria: our parents died when we were young, Alonzo says it was a car crash, we were raised by our Uncle Bustopher Jones until Alonzo found a stable home and job and was old enough to look after us. I never knew why Uncle Bustopher only took in Misto and I and not Alonzo.

Misto: *slouched back, arms folded defensively clearly not enjoying listening to this.*

15: Did you ever dress alike?

Misto: Everyone always thought it was cute to put us in matching outfits when we were younger.

Victoria: but now we have very different dressing styles but sometimes we would wear similar outfits, it always got Alonzo to smile.

16: Who loves shopping more?

Misto: Depends what for.

Victoria: if clothes and music then me, if coffee it’s him.

Misto: And stationary. Don't forget The Cupboard.

Victoria: right sorry was he is obsessed with stationary even though you don’t use most of it.

Misto: But it looks pretty!

Victoria: So does my piercings bit you don’t see me getting millions of them.

Misto: Yet.

Victoria: I’ve only got a few in both ears, and in my belly button *turns from Misto since that was something she got without her brothers’ knowledge or permission*

Misto: someone won't be wearing crop tops this summer.

17: What three things do you most commonly fight about?

Misto: we're perfect and never fight. *grin*

Victoria: yep we’re perfect angels

18: Do you share secrets?

Misto: Yeah. No. Kinda? Mostly.

Victoria: mainly we hide secrets together from Alonzo unless there is something Misto isn’t telling me

Misto: I'd never hide anything you need to know. Or anything involving you.

Victoria: okay Misto I believe you.

19: Which is the better cook?

Misto: Me obviously. Cooking is a science after all.

Victoria: if by cooking you mean burning everything to ash. *smirks* I’m the better cook and my food is delicious.

Misto: I do not burn everything to ash! If you're talking about the spaghetti incident, I just forgot to poke it down into the pan and it flopped outside the pan and the stove set it on fire!

Victoria: at that was one time

Misto: I make good coffee its all thats required!

Victoria: for you

20: Whos room is cleaner?

Misto: I couldn't possibly-

Victoria: it’s mine and we both know it, Uncle Bustopher always said it was like walking into a tornado when he described Misto’s room.

Misto: It's not that its messy. There's just... a lot of notes tacked to the wall. Astrological notes, moon phases, crystal properties, herbs... I mean if I'm doing this whole magic thing I might as well go the whole way right?

Victoria: well you are right brother

21: On your birthday do you have one cake or two?

Misto: It's fun to try making one cake with two wildly different themes.

Victoria: yep it always starts off with us making one cake but then something happens and Alonzo just gives us two cupcakes. It’s still fun though.

Misto: yeah we're not really too bothered about cake.

Victoria: yep it’s more about spending the time as family

22: As children did you play with each other or other siblings too?

Misto: For a while Alonzo did play with us.

Victoria: till he was too busy working

Misto: which obviously isn't his fault. Its just a shame. He's always so stressed nowadays.

Victoria: but we just got told that we are going to his university so maybe we could have some time together between classes.

Misto: unless its his academic studies getting in the way there.

23: What is the weirdest thing you did together?

Misto: is it possible to decide on just one, Vic?

Victoria: yeah we got bored easy at our uncle’s and tried a lot of different things.

Misto: Theres always a lot of weird things around his house.

Victoria: yeah breakable things

24: What is the last thing you did together?

Misto: Answer question number 23

Victoria: pretty much yeah.

Misto: you need better questions.

25: Who is more straightforward?

Misto: *Points with a little twirl at Victoria*

Victoria: *scowls at him* okay so I prefer to tell others the truth but I still tell white lies.

Misto: yeah but you get to the point. It doesn't have to be a bad thing. I've been know to skirt around an issue because I don't want to say it outright.

Victoria: like you’re love for Tugger?

Misto: like my- no! Shurrup!

Victoria: you didn’t deny it

Misto: *gives her a glare*

Victoria: *looks back at him bored*

26: What is your favourite thing about your twin?

Misto: She's not taller than me.

Victoria: that he does magic

27: Out of your twins friends who is your least favourite?

Misto: Electra. She's judges me I just know it.

Victoria: just because she quieter than her sister does not mean she judges you.

Misto: She sits there... glaring at me.

Victoria: have you talked to her? Oh and to answer your question Electra’s twin Etcetera she squeals so much

Misto: She really does. Funny I thought youd say Pounce. You said he was a bad influence the other day.

Victoria: yeah but really it doesn’t help that Pounce,Tumble,George and Plato all follow Tugger like fan girls

Misto: whats that got to do with anything? The amount you bring up Tugger, it looks like you have the obsession not me.

Victoria: look I only said Pounce and tumble and George were bad influences on Plato that’s all

28: Whos better at drawing?

Misto: Do doodles of the person you have a crush on that day count as drawing? Coz if so, her.

Victoria: *blushes* I’m not really that good

Misto: definitely better than me though. I don't really have the patience to develop that skill.

Victoria: thanks Misto

Stay tuned for part 2!

#jellicle University rp #question time #get to know

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momestuck · 5 years

Text

Epilogues: Meat ch 1-8 [Epilogue 1]

I’m eating so you get one more of these before I try to salvage a bit of work from today.

We’ve read through the whole of the ‘Candy’ branch of the story. It went places! Spoilers for it below.

Somehow Jane turned into a fascist dictator, Karkat became a heroic resistance leader, a whole lot of ships were made and broken, Dirk killed himself but somehow it was fake (???), John went through multiple existential crises and a failed marriage, Jade destroyed Dave and Karkat’s relationship but ultimately got with Dave, Gamzee was brought back to perform a ‘redemption arc’ and was generally awful but ultimately ended up getting sexually assaulted and then murdered by Vriska, let’s not forget that the cast had three entire fucking babies and one of them ran into her own namesake... and Obama was there. And that’s not even covering all of it...

But that was all in a universe that was ‘inconsequential’; it was in a bubble disconnected from ‘canon’, spread out on the event horizon.

Now we wind the clock back, and consider what happens if John chooses on that day to go forth, recruit a group of other selves from elsewhere in Paradox Space, and fight Lord English, as ‘canon’ dictates he eventually must...

Chapter 1

This one is in second person, and features narrative prompts, which was also true of the first chapter of Candy.

This time, John eats the meat in a really gross way, manages to not puke everywhere, says awkward goodbyes, writes a bunch of letters, and fucks off back into Canon(TM).

Not a lot to say about that! P much what we expected. Wonder where he’s gonna end up?

Chapter 2

I pretty much expected them to dive straight into Canon, but no, in fact similar plots as the first one seem to be abrew. We meet Dave and Karkat - no Jade here, this time - as Dave breaks the news of Jane’s presidential bid.

So, Dave proposes, Karkat should run against her. Which was a possibility floated in the other story... it does feel rather like, at this point, whatever V said, I might have read them in the wrong order.

Dave brings up Obama as a reason he’d want to see a good president - Obama who, in Dave’s timeline, got killed by meteors before he could ‘fix the economy’. Which I guess makes his appearance in the other branch a little less of a non-sequitur, though still fucking weird don’t get me wrong!

DAVE: or maybe not... maybe there was like an escape hatch in the white house that led to his own secret presidential session of sburb

DAVE: what if hes just chillin there now

KARKAT: DAVE, I THINK WE’VE COVERED YOUR “OBAMA’S SECRET SESSION OF SBURB” THEORY WELL ENOUGH ALREADY.

So the Obama chapter was all payoff for a very long term brick joke? This is not the revelation I expected to be having in Meat.

Anyway, Dave basically explains how scary it is to have the human government in charge of troll reproduction, echoing Karkat’s words back at him. Apparently the way the whole weird eugenic system got put in place was that, before Kanaya arrived with the Mother Grub, the government reproduced trolls exclusively ectobiologically.

The other issue is... The Economy. We get a little note that, indeed, this is an alchemy-based post-scarcity economy:

DAVE: ok if shit goes sideways i guess we arent gonna see like raggedy turtles and pauper chess men standing in bread lines or anything

DAVE: thats just the nature of alchemy-based post-scarcity economies the depressions tend to be pretty mild

DAVE: but it will still be bad

DAVE: a healthy economy is fuckin IMPORTANT

DAVE: if for no other reason than it protects the societal context for what it means to be fucking rich, like us

So uh what do they spend money on... I guess there’s services, those can’t be alchemised (except for the fact that ludicrously advanced robotics exists?). someone actually has to work the alchemizer...

Anyway most of this chapter is... electoral strategy.

DAVE: consorts overwhelm the other kingdoms in sheer numbers but due to unscrupulous gerrymandering, all kinds of fucked up voter suppression policies and some electoral “counterbalancing” measures to account for their ridiculous population growth rate their voting power per capita is kind of pathetic

DAVE: also its hard to drive turnout

DAVE: this may come as a shock but legions of easily distracted low information amphibians primarily concerned with eating bugs and farming god damned mushrooms arent the most politically motivated demographic

The chapter ends with Dirk calling Dave... to... cut off his head. Yeah. That joke again.

OK, this sure is a direction. Welcome to Homestuck Electoralism Edition I guess. They probably won’t have quite as many kids?

Chapter 3

John apparently has a specific list of retcon interventions, apopros of Rose. The first is to appear on the battleship during the three year journey in the non-canon, pre-retcon timeline, open a fridge containing Aradia and Gamzee (god I’ve forgotten so much), and take the ring that Aradia is holding (which ring is that again?). Then, John decides to shove Gamzee back in the fridge.

> Do everyone a favor and put an end to his preposterous narrative relevance.

You wisely decide that this clown will lend nothing valuable to the narrative whatsoever if he is allowed to remain outside of your childhood refrigerator. You put both hands on his chest and shove him into the fridge where he belongs. He goes easily, issuing only a pair of weak honks in protest. You slam the fridge shut and resolve to never think about Gamzee Makara again.

So... we’re going with that, huh.

I’ve said enough about the Gamzee Issue already perhaps. But I guess I thought they were going to do more than to bring Gamzee back mostly to mock the idea of ‘redemption arcs’, and ‘punish’ him some more for being a bad character.

Chapter 4

John interrupts two other retcon-Johns, one trying to cancel out the other, a Dave, and a grimbark Jade during some of the shit that happened when Jade got mind controlled or whatever... it’s been a long time...

Dave’s the first recruit, along with Jade. John gives him a rather half-assed explanation about why, after several years of ‘boring adult lives’, they need to go and fight Lord English now.

Chapter 5

Back to the real story: Dave and Karkat’s electoral bid.

Dirk has apparently been... playing the heel in televised rap battles to Jake’s face so that Jake’s endorsement of Jane’s political candidacy would be more effective. Yeah.

Also he disagrees with Dave on fiscal policy. The cad.

He has a rather weird conversation of alternately discouraging and encouraging Dave and Karkat’s opposition. Then, to round out the chapter, V and Cephied deliver... an entire stanza of Jake’s rap. Oh boy.

At the end, Dirk... tranquilizes Jake (????????) to take another call from Rose.

This is the ‘real’, ‘canon’ storyline now? Oh Homestuck.

Chapter 6

John’s assembled a group of god tier kids in his back garden. The alpha and beta kids are present, but there are no trolls.

There’s a rather uncomfortable moment (for the reader, as well as John) when young Roxy hits on adult John.

You weren’t prepared to get passively hit on by the Definitely Not Legal version of a girl you used to have a crush on at the age she was when you first met her, only a few hours after you watched the Actually Legal version of her engage in passionate hand-holding with her possibly aromantic skeleton alien monster girlfriend.

‘Legal’, really!

Anyway, John feels rather strained watching this rather rushed rehash of the reunion scenes from the original comic. He wonders about the ethics of all this...

You wonder. Do you see these teen versions of your friends as “real”? Are you treating them, at Rose’s behest, as simple puppets? Doing your part to insist they fill friend-shaped recesses in an essential plan to stabilize all else that can be considered important, a distinction no longer applying to them? Do you care at all about whatever fate it may be that you are sentencing these children to? Are you becoming as complicit in the fatalistic evils of Paradox Space as Lord English himself? Are you becoming a monster, John Egbert?

foooof i mean he’s not wrong! let’s call them the ‘child soldiers’ from here on out...

Chapter 7

Time to catch up with Rose. We finally learn what’s wrong with her: she’s ‘ascending’, taking on the full burden of the ‘ultimate self’.

The same is also happening to Dirk, but he is somehow more resilient to it. So that’s what Obama did to Dave, huh.

Also this puts the prompt ‘Dirk: Ascend’ before his suicide in a rather different light.

The pieces are thus falling into place: this is why Dirk was building a Rosebot. Quite possibly the Dirk and Rose who were flying away from Earth C in the Candy timeline actually entered it out of this timeline, which would explain how Dirk was alive.

Chapter 8

Time to see the full events of Caliborn’s ‘Masterpiece’.

This is all Caliborn dropping an extremely corny buildup:

CALIBORN: BUT NOW. THE TIME HAS COME.

CALIBORN: FOR EVERYONE TO SHUT UP ABOUT HOW GREAT MY MASTERPIECE WAS.

CALIBORN: AND THE TIME IS NOW AT HAND...

His laughter turns into a low, cracked gurgle. It spikes towards you in waves, distorts and pitches low. He is beyond pleased with himself, and with the line he is about to deliver.

CALIBORN: FOR YOU ALL TO *BECOME* MY MASTERPIECE!

We need more organs to give that the proper level of scare chord...

End of Epilogue 1

Well that explained at least some of the wild horseshit we experienced in Candy, I guess.

So somehow this is all according to keikaku, which is to say Dirk’s design - he fancies himself as an engineer, putting each piece in its proper place. Rose isn’t entirely in on it, but she will be. We still don’t know why Dirk’s doing this, why he needs Jane to be president, why he’s ultimately going to need a new SBurb session...

As for themes and stuff... this just felt like ‘setting the board’. Rather hastily, even though it’s a full eight chapters. Compared to the emotional heft of some of the stuff that happened in Candy, anyway... this is all plot.

#momestuck

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codezeta-liveblog-blog · 6 years

Text

Bonds 1.6 - After coffee, want to grab some pizza?

Just a FYI, my cellphone flipped the fuck out when selecting the text, so it decided to show right in my face one thing I didnt want to see: I know now that by the ending of this chapter there will be nothing within something. I'm hoping it isnt something that is going to be built through the entire thing, and just a last time development. Sorry for that.

I paced. The Demesnes text in hand, I walked from one end of the living room to the other, then walked back.

Another trip back and forth, and I stopped by the window, using the edge of the book to push the curtain back. It was dusk outside, just past sunset, day two, and some of the locals had emerged.

If I didn’t know better, I might have thought the locals were trying to put pressure on me. Men and women, some children, simply staking out the perimeter of the fence. Some of them paced like I was doing, like tigers in their cell, while others were patient, smoking or holding phones to their ears. A number of the ‘children’ were standing on the short stone wall, hands wrapped around the metal curls and spikes of the railing, eyes on the house. Some talked, others were silent.

Most were normal enough I wouldn’t have looked twice. A handful weren’t. One little boy, separate from the others, kept scratching at his head, face, neck and arms, his fingers coming away black with his own blood, or so it appeared in the gloom. I could see the gouge marks, dark lines cut into his skin, he would turn away, and they would be gone the next time I got a chance to see. There was a woman with hair, hat and coat covering much of her face, but when I did get a glimpse, I saw only vague, black smudges where her eyes and mouth should be. She held a cigarette up near her face, but never inhaled from it. The others seemed rather intent on avoiding her, giving her a wide berth as she paced.

Gore doesn't do anything for me, put scratching/itchyness is somehow more creepy. Maybe it has to do with the feeling of helplessness. Wounds, blood, missing limbs, its somehow fine, maybe manageable or expected depending on the setting. But self inflicted madness-inducing itchyness? Something you can't get OUT of you? Thats what does it for me in the creepyness scale.

A car passed down the length of the road. I tried to use the headlights to get a better look at the things, but the headlights revealed a mostly empty sidewalk, no Others but a small group of the ‘children’ that had hopped down from the fence and were simply walking as a group, heads covered by hats and hoods, hardly worthy of a glance.

My eyes had to adjust from focusing on the headlights. The Others appeared from dark spots, and stepped out from behind the pillars that framed the gate.

I let the curtain drop, then resumed the pacing. I’d read the same page five or six times.

“You’re making me nervous,” Rose said, startling me. “You’ve been pacing the entire time I’ve been gone?”

Her hair was wet. She’d left to go shower, but she still wore the same clothes as before. Apparently she had running water, on her side. That was interesting, considering there wasn’t necessarily anything for the pipes to connect to.

“I’m nervous,” I said. “I ordered pizza, but I didn’t think they’d come crawling out of the woodwork like this. There’s a good ten or so out there.”

“Why did you order pizza?” she asked.

“Because I’m hungry?” I responded. “There’s nothing more than the most basic stuff in the kitchen, I’m going to go crazy or get sick living off flour tortillas, canned beans and tuna, and since I’ve got to figure out a way to keep myself supplied, I might as well start sooner than later.”

“Pizza isn’t supplies.”

“Pizza is a way of testing the waters,” I said. “Will anyone in this town do business with me? If I can’t order a pizza, I might have trouble getting groceries delivered. If I can’t get groceries delivered, then I need to find a reliable, safe way of going outside.”

“So you put a pizza guy in the line of fire?”

“There wasn’t a line of fire when I called,” I said. I looked outside again. “It’s hard to keep track of time. My sleep schedule’s all over the place, my eating schedule’s off track, and the days are short. It’s dangerous, and it’s going to fuck me up. Need to get back in the habit of sleeping at night and eating on time. As is, I didn’t figure it would get dark so soon, and I didn’t figure they’d appear like this.”

“I know,” she said. “Except I don’t even have the physical needs to gauge by, and it’s awfully dark in here.”

I peeked outside.

Two Others had joined the group. One was very talkative, engaging with the eyeless, mouthless woman who had the cigarette, even venturing into the four or five foot bubble of personal space around her that the rest seemed to be respecting.

I reached for the phone. Mind changed.

“Bell Pizza. What can I do you for?”

“I’d like to cancel my order,” I said.

“You’ve already paid for your order. The food is made and is on its way. We can’t provide a refund.”

“It’s fine. Keep the money. Just call back the delivery guy so he doesn’t waste his time.”

There was a pause.

“I’m sorry. We can’t refund your pizza, because we already prepared it. It should be there in ten minutes or less.”

He was feigning ignorance, with a touch of a bad accent, but he couldn’t hide the smugness.

“You’re being intentionally dense,” I said.

The guy on the other end hung up.

“Fuck,” I said.

# I'm having weird flashbacks of RE4. But every villager is out to get you psychologically and the bosses are staring at you from the window and you cant do shit about it. Really like the alien-ness (?) Of the situation here. Never read something like thia.

“So… now what?” Rose asked.

“I don’t know,” I said. “I doubt he’ll give me a fair hearing if I call back. I don’t really know what to expect, here. Even reading up on the basics, it doesn’t get into much depth about this.”

Rose nodded, “Essentials and Famulus were more focused on Other-practitioner relationships than general Other-human relationships.”

I could see her fidgeting. I leaned forward. “Earlier, you said you were nervous. How does that work? You don’t breathe any harder, since you don’t breathe. Does your heartbeat pick up? Does your body flood with the stress hormones, making you fidget?”

“That’s a no on every count,” she said. I turned away from the window to look at her. She elaborated, “My body’s always the same. Stable, steady, there, but not doing anything except… I dunno. Maintaining appearances?”

“But you get nervous.”

“My brain gets nervous,” she said.

“I’m not sure that makes sense, but okay,” I replied. I looked down at the page I’d been rereading for the past twenty minutes, then tossed the book down onto the coffee table.

“You’re onto Demesnes,” she observed, craning her head to peer down. “Me too.”

“It’s a fitting thing to read up on, here,” I said. “Making your own sanctuary, while we have enemies gathering at the gates. It seems like a pretty simple ritual.”

“Deceptively simple,” Rose said.

“Yeah, deceptively simple,” I agreed. “You stake out the area, the magical equivalent of drawing out your borders and planting a flag, you say a few words, and you invite anyone, everyone and everything that objects to come and challenge you. Trial by combat, riddles, placating them with deals, whatever you agree on. The bigger the area you try to claim, the bigger the invitation you broadcast. They each get to confront you the once, and the ritual ends when there are no challengers left, or when a set amount of time passes. Claim a space the size of a closet, maybe get five to ten objections. Claim a house, get fifty.”

Man did I have this backwards from the reddit. I thought it was a safe spot and that wad it. I'm glad i didn't know the full details though!

“I’m thinking that’s one of the last things we want to do,” Rose said. “When we have a familiar, and when we have an implement, so we have some ability to fight.”

“Except,” I said, “It’s a bit of a catch-22, isn’t it? The demesne gives us a steady supply of power, with bigger spaces giving us more power. It’s a sanctuary, and a place where we can bend the rules in our favor. Right? So we need a tool or a familiar to lay claim to as big a space as we can pull off.”

“Yes.”

“But we can’t infuse our tool until we have some power to infuse it with,” I said. “Except…”

“That power would ideally come from the demesne,” Rose said.

I nodded, “Or the familiar, in terms of strength and shaping how the tool functions. And we can’t start talking with Others about bringing them on board as a familiar until we have some established power already.”

“Necessitating a tool and a claim to some land,” Rose finished for me. “Each of the three things requires the two others.”

I nodded. “Or it necessitates a compromise. We pick one front, we make it easy, like you suggested, go with the bare minimum. Do one thing badly, use the leverage we gain to do the next thing in a mediocre way, and then use the two things to do really well with the last ritual.”

My pacing resumed, though I had my hands free, and I could stick them in the pockets of my wool hoodie.

Seems like the sort of thing I would never start at any point. I'm too undecisive when it comes to these things haha. I wonder if theres really no way to turn this situation over. Maybe something at the reunion will happen to make people side with him? Althought that wouldnt fir what we know on how many enemies grandma Rose has accumulated over the years. What to do what to do...

“How do the others do it?” Rose asked. “The Behaims and the Duchamps?”

“They have backup, I imagine,” I said. “A mom and dad who are willing to sit in on a meeting with a familiar and vouch for them, or maybe even have a familiar arranged from early on or before the kid is born, things ready-made, a space set aside.”

“Magical trust fund kids,” Rose said.

“Basically,” I said.

“What about the North End Sorcerer?”

“What about him?”

“I take it you didn’t read the little black book from cover to cover? Look him up.”

I shuffled through the tomes to find where I’d put the book. “I was going to read it later, after the major four were done, before the council meeting.”

“You don’t need to make excuses to me,” Rose said. She had her own copy. “Um. Page thirty-two.”

I opened the tiny book.

Johannes Lillegard, believed to be an adopted name. Practitioner. The newest arrival in Jacob’s Bell as of August thirteenth, ‘ought-nine, he arrived at the council meeting of said date. Johannes appears no older than twenty-five, but all facts suggest he claimed his demesne six or more years ago, a region spanning all of Jacob’s Bell, west and north of the hospital as well as the entire expansion north of the bridge.

I paused in my reading there, to ask, “The bridge?”

“The highway,” Rose said. “It becomes a bridge where it passes over the marshland here.”

I pictured it, then stopped short. “Wait, the commercial area north of the highway? With the train station, the shops-”

“-The condos, the mall, the prefab houses, yes.”

“As his demesne? The book talks about it in the context of rooms, of houses at the most.”

Rose didn’t reply. When I glanced her way, she was nodding, a serious look joining the general exhaustion on her face.

“There’s a catch there,” I said. “A drawback.”

“Oh, right, you’re only partway through,” Rose said. “Demesnes are like trademarks. Periodically, people are going to test them. You need to respond, but you have the home court advantage. The law’s on your side. But if you claim something that broad, and if you can’t or don’t defend it when someone else puts one foot over the line, that weakens your stance. But he’s defending it.”

Look at this guy! How many dozens do you call to attention when you try to claim something that big? I imagined the constant contest for desmenes would be a thing, like a pokemon go gym sort of competition. But good to know you have the advantage at first. Must be scary to get called out for that, the person surely must think they have the upper hand to begin with then. Meaning that they must have information that you are not aware that they have.

“How?”

She pointed back at the little black book.

I read.

In conversation with Aimon Behaim and Sandra Duchamp, we mutually agreed that Johannes must have claimed the territory prior to the expansion appearing, though we’re unsure of when this might have been, for none of us to hear the claim or be able to respond to it, nor how he was able to do this at what might have been the age of thirteen or fourteen. Mara has declined to answer any questions, being more taciturn than her usual,

Johannes seems to bear harsh wounds, no doubt tying back to his ambitious claim, with no use of one eye, one hand and one leg, though the tissues appear undamaged. He bears a set of antique pipes as his implement, and has a Gatekeeper of the Seventh Ring (ref Astral Bodies: vol 3, and Prime Movers) as his familiar, named Faysal Anwar, which takes the form of a rather large Afghan Hound.

Note: Johannes has made his second appearance at council meetings, February sixth, year two thousand and ten. Occasion to expand my notes. Arrogant, and justified in it. Enigmatic. He spends almost all of his time within his demesne, stepping outside only to defend his claim and attend occasional meetings. This makes gathering information hard. Favors manipulation of space.

Note: Touching up all of my notes, for my soon-to-be heiress. He is a manipulator, content to bait people and lure them to their doom. Fitting, given the implement of choice. He safeguards his demesne by making it a fiefdom, with neighborhoods held by Others and a handful of lesser practitioners. Stay clear, this is a threat you do not need to face down.

I looked up at Rose. “He’s powerful, then.”

She said, “He doesn’t have a family. He had nothing given to him in advance, as far as we know. But he managed something.”

“Okay,” I said. “So there are obviously other options. Approached directly, the situation is filled with contradictions and obstacles, but maybe there’s an oblique answer, like Johannes found?”

So there was NO response. Even more intriguing than him just being powerful. He exploited something, found his loophole and only then became powerful. He is the king from the visions right? I’m pretty sure he is. Wasn’t the city twisted in his "kingdom" though? Hm. He was the one that seemed the most nice towards Blake in those visions. What are his motives then? Helping Blake, befriending him or just taking over enough so that he himself has access to the ‘literal’ nukes?

“Like what I was talking about with the witch hunters,” Rose said.

That again. I shook my head.

“You’re refusing my ideas too fast,” she said, and the emotion in her voice caught me off guard. She was irritated, upset. “Have you even read up on witch hunting, Blake?”

“No,” I said. “Have you?”

“I can’t. I need you to rotate the mirror in the study. Damn it, listen, there are things we can learn to do that don’t rely on familiar, implement or demesne. Like Laird’s shamanism.”

“Okay,” I said. “I’m very on board with that.”

“But you aren’t on board with getting the protections witch hunters have? If anything’s going to get us killed, it’s a knee-jerk reactions and making stupid assumptions.”

“It’s not that I don’t like the idea of protection,” I said. “But when someone says ‘witch hunter’, it makes me think of hunting things. Fighting, instead of defense. And I think that any of those protections we might use as practitioners are going to be found in books for practitioners. It’s hard enough without overcomplicating it, sifting through all the stuff we can’t use for some tidbits we could find elsewhere. Can we compromise? Maybe focus on getting this wizardry crap down, and we’ll look at the witch huntery stuff later, as the side project it is?”

Thats the problem right there isnt it? You cant go on the defensive in this situation, Blake is still holding out to some hope. He is the outside element being thrown into a volatile situation. I already see the escalation coming from miles away.

When I looked at Rose, she was frowning, eyebrows knit. tapping her hand on some surface in front of her.

We were similar in other ways. Prone to anger. But something told me that Rose wasn’t one to actually show or exercise that anger.

Something to watch for, if she was bottling up her stress. What outlets did she have to vent it, and how would she react if she couldn’t?

“Fine,” she said, in that way that girls were so very good at. She took a deep breath, then sighed. Purely for effect, I imagined. Calmer, she said, “We shelve that idea. We can use trickery, deception, manipulation, to get our foot in the door, get one of the three major things we need.”

“Agreed,” I said. “Harder than it sounds, because Others are naturally deceptive and are probably looking out for those tricks.”

“What else? We could try marshaling forces, like he is. We need a good rapport with Others to figure out who we might pick for a familiar, right?”

“There’s a problem with that,” I said. I reached for the mirror, then stopped. “May I?”

“Yes.”

I lifted the mirror from where I’d hooked it onto the bookcase, then carried it to the window, pushing the curtains apart. I set the bottom end of the mirror on the windowsill.

There were five more Others than before. All clustered around the fence. The rest were still there. Waiting.

Rose was turned away from me, so I couldn’t see her, and she was silent, leaving me to stand there, presenting our situation.

“That’s the issue, right now. That’s the biggest complication we’re facing with the rituals, with life in general. Someone’s done the equivalent of putting a price out on our head, or they said that the usual rules for going after someone in an inhabited area are on hold, for me, or for us,” I said, my voice low. “We can’t conduct any rituals, because those guys are waiting to fuck us up.”

“That-” Rose started.

Nooo dont get interrupted. I need that knowledge. She recognized someone or something didnt she? I love how her psychology and just how she works in general is being this build-up mystery that is probably going to blow up in my face when she suddenly vanishes forever out of nowhere in a critical momment or something.

She stopped short as a car appeared, parking at the far end of the street, a sign perched on top.

This time, seeing the vehicle approach, I could see how the Others moved out of the way of the headlights. Stepping literally into shadows, or stepping to a position where they were out of sight. In the latter case, it looked like they were stepping out of my field of view, to where the fence or columns on either side of the gate were blocking my view, but I felt like they were doing it for everyone that might be looking. Finding a universal blind spot.

A guy stepped out of the car, holding the insulated bag with the pizza inside. He crossed the street, and approached the gate.

“Stop him, Blake,” Rose said.

“I want to, but how?”

“I don’t know. Shout?”

I strode to the front door, hauled it open, and bellowed, “Hey!”

Others appeared from the shadows by the gate, a ‘child’ with his back to the stone column, glancing my way. Further down the street, I could see the faceless woman with the cigarette appear behind the delivery guy.

He didn’t stop walking. When he shouted back, I couldn’t make out the words.

“Stop! I don’t want it! Go back to the car!” I hollered.

Again, I couldn’t make out his reply.

I watched as the Others closed in.

I never thought I'd read a scary pizza delivery before.

The ‘little boy’ who’d been scratching himself walked down the street, so short I could barely make him out over the stone wall which bordered the property.

He approached the delivery man head on, not moving out of the way. When it looked like they might collide, the ‘boy’ hopped up onto the short stone wall. His hand around the man’s wrist.

A moment later, so fast I couldn’t see it, the boy slammed the delivery guy’s hand down on the railing. The man screamed, dropping the pizza, hand impaled on the spiked railing that ran along the top of the short wall. He tried to pull it free, but the ‘boy’ still had a grip on his wrist.

“Hey!” I shouted. I stepped out onto the porch.

NO DONT

A girl hopped up, using the man’s knee as a foothold, grabbing the delivery man by the jaw. She was more monkey than child as she swung up onto the wall. The momentum of the swing brought his head down and forward, driving it into the top of the railing.

I could hear the sound it made on impact, which said a lot, considering how I hadn’t been able to hear his words. There was no saying how much was the upper row of teeth breaking on impact with the railing, or the sound of the jaw breaking as it was wrenched down with a sudden weight of the not-little-girl.

The girl let go, walking along the top of the railing, her arms extended to either side, pigtails swinging, the grin the only part of her I could make out beneath the winter clothes, too wide, filled with very white teeth that didn’t match each other.

I could hear his continued screams, now more strangled than they’d been.

I felt cold, paralyzed. Had I just killed a man, simply by inviting him here?

The faceless woman caught up to him. Her free hand reached into the back of his head, and I could make out the fingers reaching out the front, moving just beneath the skin, closing together into a fist over one of his eyes. She moved her hand, leaving the skin bound shut in a knot of flesh, and she closed the other eye in the same manner.

Another movement, nearer the mouth and throat, and the screams were cut off.

Knitting, molding his flesh, almost casually.

My concern was no longer that I’d killed the man. My concern was that he might live.

“Blake!” Rose’s voice, from the living room. “You have to help him!”

No he absolutely does not. Ge the fuck back inside. Dont be a hero. Call the police????(actually maybe don’t???). I mean, Timecop cant be happy his turf is being messed with by people he has not assingned.

I took a step forward, then stopped as the faceless woman continued her work. Her fingers wriggled and crawled across the man’s scalp, just beneath his skin, burying his hair, reaching down to cover his ears. Trapping him in his own skin, so his own flesh was a hood over his face.

“Blake!”

I thought back to one idle thought I’d had in the past hours.

The house was a sanctuary against Other and practitioner both.

I glanced around me, then very carefully took a step back through the door, past the threshold and into the house.

Laird had come to the front door.

“He’s dying!”

There were rules. I couldn’t know which ones still held, here, which ones the locals had called off, while I was a problem. But there were rules.

I remained where I was, watching.

She held the cigarette aloft, poised as if she might take a puff at any moment, while her other hand pulled free, then plunged into his chest cavity.

The muffled grunts and violent jerks he made in response were worse than the screams.

The talkative one kept chattering, nonstop, the ‘children’ making little sounds of amusement, laughing and cooing. The others who’d joined in seemed content to watch, standing silently on the fringes.

I watched a car appear, traveling down the street from the opposite direction the delivery guy had come. The talkative one practically leaped, taking hold of the faceless woman. His momentum turned her around, and he leaned forward, simultaneously leaning her back, so they were pressed together, their bodies covering their victim. I could see the talkative one’s face stop an inch from the smudged blur of hers.

The car passed, the headlights illuminating what the people in the car would see as two embraced lovers, kissing at the side of the street. The remainder were hidden. I watched as the car reached the end of the road, stopping at a stop sign.

“Blake, salt is a purifying material, cleansing. It can work against certain Others,” Rose said. “There’s a ton in the study, if you can’t find any in the kitchen. Go and throw it at them!”

I didn’t move.

“Blake! Please!” She sounded desperate, now.

Make a salt gun. Slingshot the salt. Do not get close. Please Rose stop being so emotional. I do want to know of Blake has a plan, its looking increasingly like he has a plan. Is this deceitful? Not actually happening? The pizza guy over the phone seemed amused by the possibility of this happebing. Maybe its just to fuck with his head and its all going to be reversed soon, memories of the pain and all for the poor delivery guy. That would make much more contextual sense.

The car turned and disappeared out of sight. The two Others broke apart, and the faceless woman clawed at the talkative one. Vicious, angry, almost feral. He gave her only laughs in response, as he ducked out of the way.

The faceless woman gave up and turned back to her victim. I could see where she’d reached through his chest to grip the railing, fixing him to the metal.

Rose was screaming, now. “Damn you, Blake! Damn you! God! Fuck!”

She hit the mirror.

The noise Rose was making seemed to get attention. The talkative one looked up at me.

I slowly shook my head. I felt physically ill, all expression and utterances choked from me by the feeling of my heart in my throat.

But there was no fucking way I was going out there.

The talkative one said something to the others.

I saw the delivery guy lurch, tearing free in a mess of blood and ripped skin. His dislocated jaw hung down his teeth a bloody ruin.

He laughed, and it wasn’t a human sound.

When he joined the ‘children’ in cavorting about, I allowed myself to believe it. He wasn’t human. He had never been.

An Other, joining the faceless woman in some psychological warfare.

I could hear them laughing, in the two or so seconds it took me to slam the door.

“It was a trick?” Rose asked, as I crossed the room to where I’d left the mirror in the window. “They-”

I saw a movement immediately before Rose shrieked. I grabbed the mirror, pulling it away from the window.

The little ‘girl’ with the toothy mouth and the pigtails peeking out from a hat that hid her eyes, hair and ears had appeared just outside the window. She now scratched at the glass with long fingernails.

“They wanted me outside,” I said. “The house is a sanctuary, the property isn’t. Staying behind the railing like they were, it was meant to mislead us. I might have fallen for it, if Laird hadn’t come all the way to the front door.”

“They’re clever.”

“The book warned us they were.”

“How sure were you?” she asked. “That he wasn’t human?”

I didn’t answer. Rose was staring at me, and I avoided her gaze.

Others were scratching and tapping on windows, now. I heard a scrabbling, as if something was on the porch overhang.

“God,” Rose said.

“This is what Molly was dealing with,” I said, quiet. My heart was still pounding, my mouth so dry I needed to try three times before I could speak again, but the fear and helplessness were disappearing. I clenched my fist. “All on her lonesome. Hearing things just outside the house, all night. Nowhere good to go for help.”

“We’re not in a great place either,” Rose said.

“No. But we have each other,” I said. “You had my back last night, with Padraic. I might not have made it home in one piece without that. Thank you, by the way, if I haven’t already said.”

“You have, twice, but it’s okay. We’re figuring this out.”

I nodded. My thoughts were going a mile a minute, but I had trouble saying just what the destinations were.

“What are you thinking?” Rose asked.

“I’m thinking…” I said, trying to sum it up. “I think we’re almost ready.”

“Ready?”

“We’ve seen what kind of games the practitioners will play. We’ve seen how the Others function, in part. We have a sense of what we need to accomplish, and an abstract sense of how. And maybe it helps a little that I’m a bit scared and a lot angry.”

“You want to awaken,” she said.

I nodded. “Before the council meeting tomorrow. Getting a familiar, the tool, and the demesne is something that can wait.”

“Yeah,” she agreed. “I think we should. You want to do it now, or do you need to eat first?”

“Two things, first,” I said. “Eating isn’t one of them.”

I dialed the pizza place again.

“Bell Pizza, what can I do you for?”

“Hi-”

“No,” he said. “Not doing business with you.”

“It’s about the pizza guy.”

“We never sent anyone. I asked a driver if he wanted to go, he said he wasn’t delivering to a haunted house.”

The irony being this house was maybe the least haunted locale in Jacob’s Bell.

“I say it isn’t haunted, but it’s owned by you fucks, isn’t it?”

“One of us,” I replied.

“You’re Assholes, all of you, holding all the rest of us back. You know my brother bought a place here, because this place was supposed to grow? Except you’re not selling, and it’s losing value every year, needing more repairs. You-”

These townies are both assholes and fucking stupid. You dont invest in something that is not 100% sure and then blame other people on it. Seriously, goddamn. You were a shit investor, get over it. "How could that rich fanily not sell their mansion, that money was MINE! :(" fuck off. The way these many people are interested in it, it would just end up being communism and everyone getting just a crumb of the pie.

“I just wanted to check the pizza guy wasn’t going to show,” I said, but he was talking over me.

“-off on the power, I think, bullies. Knowing you’re driving the rest of us into ruin. You want a fucking pizza?”

“I changed my mind a while ago, remember?”

“Fuck you. Fuck yourself! I already talked to the other pizza place. Don’t expect a thing, until you’ve sold that place. Fuck you.”

“Fine,” I said. “It’s just pizza.”

But he’d already hung up.

It’s just pizza, I told myself.

“Fuck,” I said, as my annoyance bubbled to the surface.

“You can’t be surprised. I mean, you knew people hated you here.”

“The woman at the coffee place was surprisingly respectful of the idea that I might be in mourning,” I said.

“Being a decent person and hating our guts isn’t mutually exclusive,” Rose said.

“Fuck,” I said again, still annoyed.

“It can’t be that big a deal, compared to what just happened outside.”

“You took a shower just a bit ago,” I said.

“Yeah?”

“Sorry to ask, but do you even get dirty, on that side?”

“No,” she said. “Pretty sure I don’t. Some dust, but I don’t sweat.”

“I’m guessing you needed to shower to enjoy a mundane comfort,” I said. “Feel a bit more human.”

“Alright,” Rose said. “Point taken. Sorry about your pizza.”

I shrugged.

“I could do with more human comforts myself,” she said.

I nodded, “Something to figure out. I’ll help any way I can. But first-”

“Awakening,” Rose said.

I nodded. “Meet you in the study.”

I took the stairs two at a time.

I’d opened the second secret door on the second floor, which made for a quicker arrival at the lower floor. The room was far darker without the sunlight from above.

I twisted the knobs of the two lamps that sat on and beside the desk, respectively. When the room was still too dark around the edges, I lit the oil lamps at the edges. Each lamp illuminated a slice of the bookcases, cabinets or shelves to either side of them. Where the lettering on books had been done in foil or a reflective material, the lamplight caught it, highlighting the scripts in a soft orange-yellow, while the books themselves remained dark.

By the time I’d finished, Rose had lit up the room on her side. The light from behind her made the edges of her clothes and hair glow.

She held a wrought-iron compass, with a spike in one end and chalk embedded in the other. I watched as she stabbed the floor, then walked in a circle, using the other arm to draw the wide circle in chalk.

She had the curved ruler that she used to measure the distance, then erased a spot. She was reaching for the compass again when she looked at me.

As the ins and outs of her existance remain a mystery, I didnt think of the possivility of her doing the ritual too. Or needing to do it in any way. Maybe we can get twice the magic power in one person, but I somehow doubt it. I think what counts for Blake counts for Rose.

“Blake?”

“You’re doing the ritual too?”

“If I can,” she said. “Aren’t you starting?”

“I said there were two things I needed to do first,” I said.

“Phoning the pizza place and…”

I crossed the room, lifting a book free of a shelf, then walked back into Rose’s field of view.

“No, Blake.”

I hefted the book. Diabolatry, R.D.T. The black cover was surprisingly flexible and soft, the lettering on the spine and cover were done in gold, catching the lamplight.

“No,” she said again, as if saying it over and over again with increasing intensity might drive it into my head.

“What was it you said?” I asked. “Stupid knee-jerk assumptions are going to get us killed?”

“I’m all for stupid knee-jerk assumptions when we’re dealing with that. Laird said they were the mystical equivalent of nuclear missiles.”

“I’m not proposing we use them. But I want to know what we’re dealing with.”

“Blake. You know that moment in the horror movies, where you’re screaming at the actors? ‘Don’t go up the stairs’, ‘don’t touch the glowing skull’? Don’t read the book.”

Would reading it be that destructive? Or does it only hold such implications of power that it draws you too much into it. Have you already read the book Rose?

I frowned.

“What are you even thinking?”

“That the things outside were horrifying, the faceless woman, the pseudo-faerie we ran into. So… why are these things so much worse? What makes them ‘nuclear’? We’re walking into that meeting, and I can’t help but think that everyone there is going to know exactly what’s going on here, and we’re going to be in the dark. We can’t afford to look weak or stupid.”

“We are weak and stupid,” Rose said. “We’re untrained, ignorant, out of the loop, and we don’t have any of the good stuff that practitioners bring to the table. No tools, no familiars, no demesnes, no tricks or any of that.

“We can’t afford to let on how badly off we are. Having one tidbit of info we can allude to, to scare the pants off them if we need it-”

“-Is liable to get us killed,” Rose finished for me. “I get it, wanting to know just what we’re sitting on, but handling the dangerous goods is not the way to find out.”

I hefted the book, feeling its weight.

“Come on,” she said, lowering her voice to be gentler, “I compromised earlier. Can you do the same?”

“Damn it,” I said.

“Is that a ‘yes’ damn it or a ‘no’ damn it?”

“Yes,” I said.

I moved to put the book on the bookshelf. A flap of paper caught on the shelf, keeping me from sliding it into place.

When I pulled the book back, the paper dropped. Fragments of dry wax and a small key danced across the floor.

Folded into thirds, it had been sealed into an envelope of sorts by wax. The key had apparently been melted into the wax, only to be freed by the impact.

“Leave it,” Rose said. “Nothing good comes of that. Sweep it under the desk, ignore it. Please?”

“I would,” I said, “But wax makes a seal, and that seal just broke.”

“That’s reaching,” Rose said.

“Okay, maybe,” I said. “But tell me you can’t imagine a drawing of something coming to life and crawling free of that page.”

“Now you’re being manipulative,” Rose said, “Playing to my paranoia.”

“You didn’t answer the question.”

With the way things work in figurative ways and meanings, yes, that is very plausible, but also what a nice little fuck-up we have stumbled on.

“Yes, I can imagine it. Yes, are you happy?”

I wasn’t. I picked up the page. On the backside, there were only two words.

My heiress.

I turned it around.

My heiress,

If you’ve come this far, there must be a pressing need. You’ve been driven into a corner, or the situation is otherwise dire. I imagine time may well be paramount. Remember that haste makes waste, and you must step with utmost care from this point on.

I’ve left you something, or perhaps it is more correct to say I’ve left you someone. I refer to him as Barbatorem, making a small joke, as I tend to do, but he is an older one, bearing some status and a few stories from years past, with no name of any meaning that has survived the passage of time. You should be able to find those stories and notes on that status in Dark Names, p. 38.

You’ll find him waiting in the tower room, which you will need the key to enter. Staying outside the circle is first in your list of things to keep in mind, which I list here because there are no better places to put the warning. I should hope such obvious things don’t need to be stated.

Do we have a demon in the attic? I think we have a demon in th attic.

Cast aside all notion of manners. Do not greet him, do not ever say please or thank him. Do not ask him if he would or could do something. Give him no food or succor. There are older meanings in these things and they will either free him or give him power over you. Sometimes it is very little power, and sometimes it is all the power he needs to achieve his ends.

Put aside all metal and reflective things before entering the tower room, and ensure the space remains dark. He exists in a more abstract capacity, whatever physical forms he takes, and if his image is cast in a surface, he will exist in that surface, allowing him to step free of that surface and the confines of the circle. For these same reasons, do not ever look directly at him, even for a moment, lest he be reflected in your eyes. Rest assured, he will not ever step free once he dwells there.

So, no Rose. Cool. But also very cool concept. Having a demon in your eyes doesn't sound pleasing. Was Grandma so rude because she got too used to interacting to being like this? I think thats far-fetched, but a possible theory

He perceives the passage of time differently than we do. He’ll be content to sit in the circle I drew out until the sun grows cold. For him, the conversation is ongoing, and you’ll need to see the notes on his page in Dark Names so you can continue from where I, and each member of our line, left off. Failure to do so may confuse or irritate him. In any case, you can come and go, and he’ll see no difference in it. He does not speak, which led me to use the shorthand for gestures you’ll find on the final page of his entry. Please maintain those notes consistently, for those who come after you.

So, wait, he cant speak, so you use gestures, but you also cant look at him? I'm thinking that I'm missing something.

If you intend to deal with him, use one of the templates outlined in Dark Contracts, which I left to the right of the desk. Page 15, 17, 29 and 77 are good places to look, if you find yourself in a hurry. Do not improvise, for words must be chosen with utmost care. The final third of the book has recommended terminology with examples, which you can insert into the templates as needed. Do not trust Mr. Beasley or his firm for assistance. They are, quite naturally, unreliable on this front.

Failing all else, keep your eyes on the painted circle, stay silent, and keep to the contracts found in my books. You can consult my texts if you have any further questions. I regret that I am unable to assist you here,

R.D.T.

“What is it?” Rose asked. “The look on your face scares me.”

The look on my face? I touched my face.

“You look like someone just died.”

“No,” I said. “No.”

I moved to put the letter down on the desk, and it slid off. I picked it up again, tried to put it on the desk, and the corner of the paper caught, bouncing it out of my hand and back onto the floor.

On the third attempt, I turned it over, examining it under the light. Sky blue ink on white, barely visible, outlining a script that was reminiscent of the rune that Laird had drawn in sugar.

Holding it firmly in both hands, I set it down on the table, pressing it down in place. It stayed.

A moment later, as I turned to make sure I’d put the book away properly, I generated a brush of air that sent the letter to the floor again.

Once disturbed, apparently, it was insistent on staying disturbed.

Experimentally, I tore it, a little tear to cross the sky blue symbols. When I put it down this time, it stayed down.

“You’re scaring me, Blake.”

“She left something behind,” I said.

“Something?”

“Something Other. Fitting to her particular specialty. It’s upstairs.”

“No.” Seeing Rose, I had a sense of how I probably looked.

“I need to check,” I said.

There was no argument this time. Chances were good she was too stunned to say anything.

The black-painted key in hand, I made my way up the ladder, out the door to the top floor, and then up the staircase to the tower room.

I checked everything, then pulled off my sweatshirt, in case the tab on the zipper counted as reflective. I swept my hands over my entire body to double-check.

The key clicked in the lock. I let the door swing open. When I moved my eyes, I did so with care, keeping to the periphery of the room, then inching closer.

The round window jutted out to my right, with a cushioned bench beneath for sitting on. Once upon a time, it would have been a good spot for reading. Now, it was shuttered and locked, with old books stacked on the bench like bricks. A table sat to my left, stacked with papers that were securely weighed down.

The floor… I saw the circle, painted in white. ‘Circle’ was perhaps an understatement, given the concentric circles and lines that sprawled across the floor, burdened with embellishment, scripts and geometric shapes, as well as other smaller circles hosting more of the same.

It didn’t take long for my eyes to see it.

A pair of shears, no doubt fallen from the table, impaled a line in the innermost circle of the diagram on the floor.

Nothing stood within.

You could have asked me to theorize, but I would NOT have guessed that the empty thing by the end was to be a summoning circle. Are the shears the problem? Interrupting the symbol? Doesnt it count as reflective? Do we have a demon locked in a useless household object, that would be pretty hilarious.

I’m thankful that this wasn’t build up then, it really was a last time sort of deal. I’m starting to doubt that the meeting will be had in this Arc, unless this is one of the long ones. Maybe two, three more chapters? I just don’t expect it to be resolved in a single chapter and it would be good to end the Arc with it. I still have yet to discover if this story has Interludes, since I don’t know much about Twig in no way whatsoever and how it tells its story. Maybe the Interlude will be happening in the meeting? Getting one more of those famous “alien” perspectives Wildbow is so good at doing, from an Other, seeing everything from its eyes would be really good to have this early on, for perspective. Seeing how they think. But maybe confusing if overdone. Someone who is FRIENDS with Others or who already knows how they work might be best. Maybe the girl with the Other friend with the big smile. My speculation is that the people in the meeting will all gang up on Blake and it’ll be overwhelming, but one of two characters will show no interest in it, or feign it very well. Someone will start a conflict that will overwhelm the rest of the conversation and just unbalance everything, for our character’s luck.

NEXT TIME: I intended to post this last week, but sleep schedules, finishing up some university day-job before christmas plus getting further on an Internship selection process I REALLY didn’t expect to get further on got in the way. Then came festivities and you know the rest. I’ll be going on a trip tomorrow, but I felt that I HAD to squeeze this in somewhere. I’ll be back around the 8th, since the process will be back by then. I have NO IDEA what they’ll have me do and how I’ll manage my time then. But I’ll leave this note here for you and for myself to remind all of you: When I figure out whatever battery of tasks these maniacs will have me do in the middle of my vacation, I will schedule my next liveblog. I’ll be doing as always and bringing with me the next chapter (Bonds 1.7) with me on my cellphone, doing notes as I read it, which will be posted as soon as I either finish it or have internet (I’ll be in the middle of the woods, if everything goes right, from the 29th to the 5th). I hope you all had a VERY demon-free Christmas or any other religious or comercial festivities you partake in, and that you have the gayest new year. See you all in 2018!!!

#CodeZeta liveblogs #pact #PactArc1 #Pact1.6

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