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rand0mfangurlstuff · 12 days

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Sing Yourself to Sleep - Bucky x Y/N - Part Eight - Unfaithful.

Just a short chapter to get me back into the swing of writing. I'm sorry this took so long. Between life and feeling somewhat uninspired, I struggled with this. But i think I know where this story is going now. I'll probably wrap it up in two or three chapters. Feedback is always welcome! Inspired by Rihanna's Unfaithful.

It had been two weeks since their magical weekend in London, where they had both confessed their love in the throws of passion. Since then they hadn't been able to spend much time together. It was quick hellos while passing eachother or the odd two minute conversation in the mess hall. Bucky missed those moments in London where he could hold her. Where he could openly kiss her cheek, wrap his arm around her while walking through the streets. He missed being able to unabashedly stare at her in all her beauty.

Seeing her with Colonel Clarke made his mind angry and his heart ache. Seeing them walk hand in hand to the officers club and watching as the Colonel kissed her made his blood boil and his eyes sting with unshed tears. It should be me. He thought. Its supposed to be me.

It was a Friday night and the party in the officers club was in full swing. Bucky sat in the corner with Buck and DeMarco, printing his whiskey and brooding.

'Whats wrong with you?' Buck questioned.

'Nothing.' he replied without looking up from his glass.

'Bull. You're in a sour mood and have been for days.' Buck looked around to make sure nobody was listening before whispering 'Has something happened with Y/N?'

'No nothings happened. Thats the problem. I havent seen her properly since we came back from London.' Bucky said. He looked like a pouty child, not a grown man. Buck would have laughed if he wasnt worried about his friend.

'Well her and the Colonel just arrived. Why don't you ask her to dance again?'

'Are you really encouraging me?' Bucky questioned. He knew Buck was disapproving of his affair.

'I'm not happy about any of this. But if a dance, just a dance, puts a smile on your beak then go for it.' Buck said, the sterness of his voice clear.

Bucky approached the table where Y/N and the Colonel sat, noticing how close the two sat together with the Colonel's han on Y/N's lap made him want to punch him.

'Ah Major Egan!' the Colonel said upon noticing him, 'You just cant get enough of dancing with my wife?' he said. Before Bucky could answer he continued 'Well you're just in time, my lovely wife was just starting to get restless, can't have her sitting down too long, she demands to dance!' he laughed.

'Well I am always there for a lady in need.' Bucky held out his hand. 'May I have this dance?'

Y/N looked nervous, she looked between Bucky and the Colonel, before taking Bucky's hand. They walked to the middel of the dance floor and started to dance to the music. Bucky spun Y/N around until her back was against his chest. He took the moment to question her.

'I've barely seen you lately. Whats up?'

Y/N spun back out to face him before he pulled her closer. 'Nothing's up. I just don't want anyone getting suspicious.' She spun back out in a twirl.

'You could at least say you've missed me doll.' Bucky said as she twirled in the opposite direction, once again having her back to his chest.

'Of course I've missed you.' she said. She was looking around making sure nobody was paying too much attention to them. Bertie was talking with some other men, his back to the dancefloor. She tried to twirl herself away from him again, but he held on to her tightly.

'I told you I loved you, and you said it back. And then we get back here and its like it never happened.' Bucky wished he could wisk her off to a quiet corner somewhere to have this conversation, but this was his only oppertunity.

Y/N finally broke free of his strong arms. She spun herself out away from him, he quickly pulled her back in. 'Albert knows.' she said in a hushed and panicked tone.

'What?!' Bucky almost gasped. 'How? What did he say? Why hasnt he shot me yet?' Bucky looked in the direction of the Colonel, he looked very calm for someone who's wife was having an affair.

'He hasnt said anything, but he's acting strange. I'm sure he knows.' Y/N replied. She did her best to keep it look like they were dancing and having fun.

'So you're not actually sure he knows?' he breathed a sigh of relief. 'Y/N its fine, he doesnt know. You think he'd let me dance with you? Let me live if he knew?'

'You don't know Albert. He plays the long game. I'm scared he's planning something.' she said, he bottom lip between her teeth.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Colonel Albert Clarke was not a stupid man. Dull, possibly. Maybe a bit old fashioned. But he wasnt stupid. He noticed the difference in Mrs. Y/N Clarke fairly quickly. It wasn't an obvious change, only someone who knew Y/N extremely well, someone who had been married to her for the past five years, would notice. It was the way she was wearing extra perfume these days. The way she seemed to quickly running out of lipstick. The way she suddenly became so excited to go to the officers club, a place she previously had no real draw to. But mostly, it was her smile. The smile she used to give to him in the early days of their relationship. The smile that showed all of her beautiful sparkly white teeth. The smile that reached all the way to her eyes which made them crease in the corners. She had the ability to bewitch anyone with that beautiful, heart warming smile. He hadn't seen it in a while, perhaps in over a year. But he was seeing it again, pointed at Major John 'Bucky' Egan.

The Major was a nice man, a bit cocky perhaps. But he was a good soldier dedicated to his Country and his men. Even the Colonel could admit he was also handsome. Albert understood while Y/N would be attracted to him. But there was something else to it. He was certain that Y/N had come across many attractive men since their marraige, but he was certain this was the first time she had been unfaithful.

Whatever spell Major Egan had his wife under, Albert was certain he could not compete with it. He was older, not half as attractive, and he didn't have that secret ingreedient that made his wife fall in love with the Major in the first place.

She was definitely in love. She wouldn't have an affair with just anyone. Because despite it all, Albert knew that Y/N was a good woman. Respectible. Kind. She would only do this to him if there was really no other option. He loved his wife. He loved her faults and all. He was and always would be greatful for the love and support she gave to him over the last five years. Which is why when he and Egan went to dance at the club, he looked away. Moved his chair so his back was to the dancefloor. He did his best to engage in ocnversation with the men sitting near him, pretending what was happening behind him wasn't happening at all.

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The following morning at the mess hall, Y/N was placing some breakfast muffins on a tray when Bucky came up to her. 'I think you dropped this Mrs. Clarke.'

Y/N spun round and was about to tell him she didnt drop anything. Then she saw the note in his hand. 'Thank you Major.'

It wasn't until she was back in the kitchen that she unfolded the note.

Meet me at our spot. Where we first started marching. 2pm. I'll be waiting. -B

Marching? Keep marching on. Their first conversation. After Curt died, where she encouraged him to keep going. She smiled at the memory, suprised he had remembered. He must know that Albert had a meeting at 2pm. She tucked the note into her bra and carried on serving breakfast. She smiled the who way through the breakfast rush, thinking of Bucky.

#masters of the air #callum turner #mota #john bucky egan #john egan #masters of the air fan fiction #john egan x reader #masters of the air fanfic

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shitpostingsystem · 5 months

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bsd ramblings (season 3 and 4)

“is there really any value to this thing we call living?” dazai’s a mood

KID DAZAI AND CHUUYA OMFGOMFG

“what kind of suicidal punk are you” — chuuya to his future husband

omg i love the sillies

mori sounds like the kurzgesagt dude ngl

THEY HATE EACH OTHER OMG THEYRE SO IN LOVE

THE B A N T E R

I LOVE THEM SO MUCH

chuuya being a shortie is so fun. “i’m still growing” growing my ass just kiss dazai already

THE ODA PARALLELS AAAAAAAAAAAAA

dazai you autistic motherfucker

chuuya being a gang leader is fun

dazai is my silly

wait so chuuya’s technically 7 years younger than he actually is?

gravity boi x suicidal manic, my favorite ship dynamic

THE BABIS ARE SKKING THE BABIS ARE SKKING THEYRE DOUBLE BLACK WKEHRUEHUFUEBDHDHSBEH

when are dazai and chuuya gonna kiss dammit

THE SILLIES ARE BANTERING JEUDHWHSUHE I LOVE THEM SO MUCH

WHY IS DOSTOYEVSKY SO FINE

dostoyevsky is so silly

i am in dire need of more pm dazai. i need it all. i need more. i crave my husband’s past life. i need to see him and chuuya kiss while wiping out their enemies.

i can’t wait to write fanfic once i finish this show. i don’t wanna screw up anything canon wise so i’ll wait. i’ll watch all of the show plus the spin-off to get all the dazai i can. i’ve already pirated the movie, nothing can stop me now.

dazai is a slut and i love him for it. this is actually canon (at least during his pm years he was)

dazai x kunikida x chuuya

kyouka is my child, i love her so much

I HATE FANSERVICE. I THOUGHT BSD WOULD BE THE GOOD ANIME WITHOUT IT

KYOUKA MY BABY IM SO SORRY ABOUT YOUR PARENTS I LOVE HERRRRR

power of money?? real american o7 yeehaw capitalism

bro just walked into someone’s home, sat down, and started laughing

“black daniels” HEY THATS JACK DANIELS

“hey poe!! it’s so nice to see you!!” JUST KISS ALREADY YOU TWO

the random ass fish-eye cuts in this show 😭😭

“OBJECTION!!” what is this, ace attorney???

i love how the superhumans are called gifteds, implying they’ve taken at least one honors/ap course. by that logic, i’m extra gifted (im in honors history and english)

i haven’t seen dazai in a while wtf. where’s my husband?? i’ve barely seen kunikida, let alone chuuya. ok he’s here rn, prob won’t be for long

ok but seriously mori is a pedo. elise is getting used even though she’s a fucking brat who gets what she wants

oh shit they got blew up

nvm

DID AKUTAGAWA JUST NARUTO RUN

oh shit i forgot the catholic existed. puritan, whatever. same difference, both are culty at times

FUCK MORI. THAT FUCKING PEDO.

i think what i love about bsd is that the characters are complex. dazai can be considered a serial killer and definitely bad mentor to akutagawa but an amazing mentor to atsushi and is my husband

i love dostoyevsky’s english va. they did such an amazing job. 100/10 russian accent

MY HUSBAND GOT SHOT OMGOMGOMG MY BABYYYYYYYYYYYY

HI CHUUYA I MISSED YOU. AKUTAGAWA TOO HI HELLO

RANPO <33 MY SILLY GETTING SERIOUS OOOOOO

HI KENJI IT’S BEEN SO LONG I HAVENT SEEN YOU

CHUUYA I LOVE YOU SO MUCH

virus cannibalism my favorite /j

kunikida has tear gas powers? what is he, a cop???

oh noooo a kid got shotttttt how terribleeeeee /s

THE SAD AF MUSIC I CANT WHY IS THERE A CELLO HERE

oh that’s why, dostoyevsky has one

I LOVE GIN <33

kenji the silly!!

“aren’t you the one who lost to dazai?” RANPO RUBBING THE WOUND IN DAMN

the music is autism frfr

KARL <333333

“if ranpo really were to die in that world though, what would i do with myself?” — edgar allen poe

katai’s dead? damn. rip ig

oh shit here’s the bowl cut lemon dude

the office girls are dating

damn fukuzawa and mori had a past together

WHY DOES NATSUME LOOK LIKE WALMART HITLER

dazai making his kids work together is gold

“what did you have for dinner last night?” “yes” GOD I LOVE THIS SHOW

the classical music omg

“you’re quite the rough ride, yknow” that’s what she said

“enough, you’re not paying for this ride” that’s what she said

incel (katai) isn’t dead

i love how dazai is the mafia boss in a different timeline

akutagawa and atsushi are so down bad for each other omg

my native english speaking ass hears theodore instead of fyodor. i’m pretty sure it’s the same but different languages but still

dazai <3

ranpo <3

BAR LUPIN BAR LUPIN WJSBAJBSKWUSMSIMSJDBHSJSHSHS IM GONNA CRY

wait so season 4 is fukazawa focused? dammit i wanted more dazai

HI RANPO MY SCRUNGO HIHIHIHIHIHIHIHI

i fucking love ranpo. the silly

he’s such a brat. good for him

IS THERE A CULT????? LOWKEY LOOKS LIKE CHRISTIANITY ON STEROIDS

oh it’s the play

“there something everyone else gets and i don’t get it” RANPO MY AUTISTIC SCRUNGO <33

ranpo my silly <33

honestly i keep forgetting they’re detectives

ranpo has adhd and autism

ranpo got fucking bitch slapped i love him

“as always, i have a hard time saying no to ranpo” ITS BECAUSE YOURE GAY POE

“but i got to see your rare, exasperated face so it was well worth the money!” poe you homosexual

“are you that detective’s fanboy or something?” “no i’m his rival!” how about boyfriend?

i fucking love ranpo omg

NIKOLAI IS SO SILLY

why can i handle anime gore but not irl organs omg

my gore levels are weird. organs and bodily fluids (beside blood) are a no-go but i can see a dead body no problem

when did atsushi become op

“a total of 625 charges…” MY BABY GETTING ARRESTED NOOO

GOD I FUCKING LOVE NIKOLAI

wait so the ada is a front? wtf??

i’m so confused wtf is going on

the decay of angels would be a cool ass band name

ok so moot says ada is innocent and shit like that. i trust them.

teruko is my child

everyone’s a shitty person i love them

HI CHUUYA OMG I MISSED YOU SO MUCH AAAAAAAAAAAA

why chuuya kinda 😳😳

kunikida has ocd (i’m not projecting wdymmm)

“i won’t let anyone mess up my schedule!” whole mood and a half there kunikida

WHY DOES THE FANDOM IGNORE KUNIKIDA BEING AN IDEALIST OMG

dazai <33333333333333333333

dazai and dostoyevsky are besties fuck you

“she’s so strong-willed! i love it!” MORI YOU PEDO

“Dazai is a good person SOMETIMES! But he’s also a criminal who has done fucked up shit! And he has a personality! He’s really smart! And lowkey manipulative to get what he wants! He’s not amazing!” my moot gets it!!

morally dubious characters <33

i love yosano so much

HI ANGO

i love lucy

sticking out your gyatt for the rizzlerrr you’re so skibidiiiiiiii you’re so fanum taxxxxxx i just wanna be your SIGMAAAAAAAAAAA

sigma is so silly. i love him

dazai is a weezer fan

chuuya is a nirvana fan

i’m terrible with names so i’m like “oh damn That Dude” both fictional and irl. like atsushi was Terrible Bang Traumatized Furry until i got his name

i don’t even read omegaverse but every time they say sigma i cringe

sigma has amnesia?? mood

bro’s a fictional character within a world of fictional characters

dostoyevsky <3333

sigma named himself??? nah don’t even he was born with an ao3 account

i don’t know shit about cosmetology but if i got ahold of sigma i would fix his hair

oh hey catholic scarlet letter man

if my beautician aunt saw atsushi and sigma she would take them out of the show, fix their hair, beat them up, and put them back as changed men

I LOVE DAZAI OMFG AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA WHEN HIS VOICE GETS SUPER LOW AND AKENSISBIZHWHXHWBZUWBZIBQIXHWNXHD

WHERE THE HELL IS CHUUYA OMFG

#bsd #shitpost

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yonpote · 5 months

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tbh rereading my ywgttn review its less of a review and more of an analysis. i simply only know how to write opinionated analyses which i guess is what a review is! but it is funny that i whine abt the USA cover for the same length that i talk about the content of the book. sooooo i wanna talk more about it now that its been a year since i first reviewed!! read moreee

while i havent read it back to front since listening to the audiobook, i have been going back to it every now and then, both to reference something dan's said abt his own life as well as rereading some helpful advice. i particularly like the chart explaining how different feelings can feel in your body and while idt he uses the term somatic therapy but like the idea of the brain and feelings being a part of your body so like finding ways to treat your body well can help your state of mind. thats something that i think ppl forget a lot when it comes to mental health is that, it really is all connected. depression has a feeling in your body, anxiety can cause stomach aches frfr, and poor physical health can obviously cause mental problems. so i go back to that part a lot. tbh i havent really gone back to the morning and days after sections, i think cuz personally i still feel like im always in this night.... even tho i know im not! i think its kinda like that thing where you have an absolute dogshit day and its all you can think about but then in 3 days when u have ur next therapy appointment you completely forget that u were having a hard time bc you feel fine that day. (thats why you take notes and track ur mood lol) but like either way i def should check the other sections more. i think it really is meant to be read as a practical guide (which is like. the tagline LMAO) cuz i know a lot of phannies who havent finished it or stopped halfway thru but its rlly not meant to be read front to back? so its interesting how i recommended the audiobook cuz like it IS good cuz dans voice is nice and its fun hearing him say all his stupid references, but i think the physical book might be better for how it's intended to be used, as like something to pick up if youre going thru a crisis or if youre trying to figure out ways that can prevent a crisis or help you cope thru ur next one. so yeah if ur someone who bought ywgttn because Dan UWU but havent read it, i would say don't try to read it like a linear novel cuz it really isnt meant to be read that way! and honestly with my adhd ass brain i actually kinda prefer reading it this way! almost as if dan... no i shant say....

ywgttn gets TWO thumbs up cuz i said one in the first review lol

#ywgttn #myrambles

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leclercenjoyer · 25 days

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20 Questions for Fic Writers

helloooo i was tagged by my darlings @boxboxbrioche @vicsy and @golden-fairylights

1. How many works do you have on ao3

12 total, including 1 on anon! (anon because it is unfinished and so no one can hold me acountable)

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

36,202! im baby

3. What fandoms do you write for?

formula one babyyyyyy

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

something borrowed (265 kudos)

no poor substitute (261 kudos)

tip of the tongue (252 kudos)

treat with care (216 kudos)

helping hand (143 kudos)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

i want to but i never know what to say 😭😭😭 somebody please help me.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

probably muscle memory, i think thats the only one ive written that doesnt have a happy or hopeful ending

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

almost all of them are happy ending but i think anything, everything might be the most explicitly happy ending?

8. Do you get hate on fics?

i havent thus far but this may change

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

i do!! most of what i write is in the realm of what i would call "tenderhorny" because thats what i enjoy writing, porn with feelings. thats the most fun thing to write for me.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

i havent!

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that i know of 😭

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

not yet!!! if anyone... wants to... hit me up...

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

NO BUT I WANT TO SO BAD im planning a very special fic with a dear friend, for when i am freed of my school obligations... and possibly another with another dear friend... i wanna play in the sandbox with people...

14. What’s your all-time favourite ship?

i am a pierresteban girlie through and through. they gripped me by the throat when i was less than two months in and they havent let go

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

well. my unfinished anon wip sdjhkjsd but there are... so many wips in my folders that ive started and abandoned that i doubt will ever see the light of day.

16. What are your writing strengths?

ive been told my writing feels very grounded and in-body, and im very deliberate with my word choices when im trying to create a mood

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

once again being deliberate with my word choice means i agonize over the smallest sentences 😭 and i have "say as much as possible in as few words as possible" disease so i often struggle to like. Elaborate. and i am the slowest writer on this planet i think.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

if the POV character doesn't understand what is being said, keep it in the language its said in. if the POV character understands what is being said, just say "blah blah blah," he says in [language]. thats my hot take. i dont know if its particularly hot. is this even what is being asked? i have holes in my brain.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

ive written assorted snippets for many but f1 is the first fandom where ive written and actually finished and published fic.

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

its a tie between muscle memory and something borrowed, the former because it took me forever and im so proud to have finished it and how it came out, and the latter because it was my first fic and my baby and i could not have dreamed of the reception it got, its so special to me and everyone was so kind to me and made me believe i could actually Do This

i dont know who all has done it already 😭 if you see this and you want to do it consider yourself tagged

#tag meme #i love u all this was fun

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therealpontius · 1 year

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Just for tonight…

Plot: your 3yr long relationship ended abruptly, can it be saved?

Warnings: body shaming/ sickness/ cursing/ breakup/ loneliness/ no smut

This is pt1 it ended up being longer than i thought, im not sure if i like this so much but im exited to write pt2. FEEDBACK IS APPRECIATED

Wordcount: 2.4k

Part 2

"Your supposed to be my boyfriend! You never stick up for me!" Was your last words to your boyfriend, bam, 6 years ago now. You bad been sitting in aprils living room with bam, showing him the pictures you took of him on your camera when his friends all came in, his arm that was wrapped around you was whipped back to his side before his friends where in sight "yo!" They collectively shout "hey fatties here!" Dico laughed. You where bigger, not alot but definitely not as small as them. You sarcastically laughed at his joke once and ever since hes been saying it thinking it amused you, bam knew other wise though but still laughed along. Raab sat playing with a heavy football, kicking it around the place. You tried to hold bams hand but he wormed his away from you "hey chub chub catch!" Raab shouted to you, you turned round just in time for it to hit your nose full force with a crunch "fuck!" Instead of helping you they all laughed, a stream of blood coming out your nose "bam help!" "I um..." "BAM HELP ME" you screamed, the boys continued laughing. You just ran to the door, holding your nose still."Your supposed to be my boyfriend! You never stick up for me!" You shouted slamming the door shut.

Three years gone like that. No calls. No texts. Nothing...

Now you where 21, had your own small apartment in delaware. You played electric guitar at a nearby pub every weekend. Eyes still silently searching crowds for him and you hated yourself for it, he didnt even care about you so why did you still care about him?

You where headed back to west chester to visit your parents, your mom had grown really ill. The journey was three hours long and you tried to distract yourself from the overwhelming tiredness with music, it was 9am. The streets became familiar as you neared your birth town, you had missed it more than imagined.

"Mom? Dad?" You asked, opening the front door to your childhood home "sweetie!" You dad welcomed you with a warm hug, something you havent felt in too long "cmon moms in the living room" he said, leading you by your shoulder. You where met with a frail and pale looking woman, nothing like the mom you once knew. Instead of freaking out infront of her you ran to give her a hug "sweetie, dont worry. Ive had a hell of a life" she spoke softly to lighten your mood "i know mom i just wish i could do something to help you" "well..." she pulled away from you "you could pop to the shops, your dads too lazy" she laughed, rolling her eyes "sure thing! Write a list and ill head out as soon as"

You headed to the local aldi, the one with the skate park that you took loads of pictures of bam in. You ignored any thought of him, your here for your mom. 40 minutes later you where out the shop with four bags full. Looking back at the skate park on the small walk back to the car saddened you, the memories you had there, you spent more than half of your life there. "OH SHIT" you screamed, falling on your side. You had been hit by something and you werent sure what but all you knew was that the laughs that now surrounded you where painfully familiar "oh fuck! Dude are you okay?" Oh shit.. thats bam. You kept your head on the ground hoping it would just suck you in "um yeah im fine" you sat up, seeing all the boys you once grew up with gather your groceries and bam holding his hand out to you "look we are filming a show, ill pay you in cash for any hassle is that okay?" What the fuck was he on about, he didnt even recognised you. You face flushed as he held your hand, pulling you up "hey is that fattie?" Dico says making all the boys squint at you "holy shit... chub chub..." raab gasps "yeah, you found me out" you laughed awkwardly, hands coming up in fake surrender. Bam stood, jaw open slightly "well it was good seeing you!" You said, taking you bags back, a big hand grabbed your arm "ill come with, boys heres my keys. Ill see you later" "bam..." you rolled your eyes, both of you walking toward your car "you cant just do that bam" "yes i can?"

You both get into your car and he sighs "so? Where the fuck have you been?" You can admit, he had got a bit more bratty than the last time you saw him "tone it down on the bitchyness you dont need to impress anyone here. I moved to delaware, i got a job and a house" he scoffed "delaware is shit" "how would you know bambam?" Both your faces shocked at the nickname "did you just call me bambam? You havent called me that in ages" he blushed slight "so anyways. Why did you leave me?" You rolled your eyes, why is he so quizitive? "bam look not right now okay?" "No tell me" "fine. You never stuck up for me EVER your friends would bully me all the time. Everytime they where near you would reject even going near me." A tinge of guilt shadowed his face "look im a changed person, i was eighteen then" "yeah and so was i, i would've done that to you. Bam we dated for th-" "where you going?" You where taken back by his butting in "um my moms?" "Great i havent seen her in ages… well what are you waiting for?" You reluctantly started the car GOD WHY AM I STILL DOING THINGS FOR HIM

Before the engine could even start bam was looking in the storage bits of the car "where the fuck is my h.i.m cd?!" "Its in you dipshit" you pressed the play button and the music started, bam froze in confusion "oh... you actually listen to them?" You nod silently, driving out the parking lot "sweet..." he mumbles. Something about his company wasnt unwanted, it felt natural and... happy? "I kinda missed you, y/n." He spoke, like he was embarrassed. "I missed you too bam". He got more comfortable, headbanging the way he always did making you giggle "your really looking good bam" "you too y/n, are we almost there?" "Very close, something i should probably tell you first" he raised his brow, stopping his small rave "what?" "My mums really ill, thats why im back home" "oh shit..."

You purposely get out of the car before bam, speed walking to your door "there you are! Thought u popped your clogs for a min-" "dad, someone decided to tag along me" "hey brian!" Bam greeted him with a smile, holding all your shopping bags. your dads face dropped. Your dad didnt like bam, he thought he was a 'bad example' if anything "hello brandon" he says through gritted teeth, standing aside for you both to make your way in "hey princess, long time no see!" However, your mom had always been a fan, he always flattered her "bam! Nice seeing you son!" Bam had walked into the kitchen with the bags, he knew his way around the house too well. You followed behind him, helping putting the groceries away "its weird seeing you being responsible" "me? Well you know, im just trying to make it easier for your mom" he spoke, head in the freezer putting the icecream away "it means the world to us bam thankyou" he gets up with a genuine smile you missed with your whole soul on his face "princess do you need anything in?" He shouts to your mum "all i need is a catch up from you m'love" "im great with women what can i say" he winks at you, making his way into the living room.

Four hours of bam talking about jackass, the new show he had coming up and relentless questions from your dad had passed. It had became clear that ur dad didnt really hate bam as much as he used to *KNOCK KNOCK* you stood up "ill get that!" You opened the door to ryan, novak, raab, dico and frantz looking at you like lost children "is bam here?" Novak asked "yeah hes just-" all the boys pushed by you into your living room where bam sat with a cup of tea laughing with your mom "bam we have been looking for you like crazy!" Ryan says, nodding a hello to your mom and dad "ryan please leave" you asked impatiently "its okay fattie mcfat fat we are talking to bam" dico said in his best ‘intelligent’ voice, your dad got annoyed at his comment, knowing how youve been struggling with your weight as a child "get out! Out!" He shouts, the boys running out like a flock of scared sheep. You met them out of the door "stop calling me that!" "But you think its funny?" "Ive never found it funny! Its fucking upsetting, just leave. My mums ill and shes happy around bam. Im sure you can deal without him for a little" "yeah lets go guys, sorry for the hassle" ryan apologised, all of them walking away.

You open your door to bam putting on his jacket "im so sorry about that david" "its okay brandon. We will see you later" you dad walked back to the living room and left you and bam im the hall way "im so sorry for that y/n" you shook your head "its fine call me" you slipped your number into his hands and he left with a beaming smile.

The next day u heard absolutely nothing from bam, your phone firm in your hand but not a single message went through. You helped your mum stay comfy, fix the heating for her, make her cups of tea and she was forever grateful "sunshine? Wheres bam?" Sunshine was a nickname bam and your mom had given you that you hadnt heard in too long "i dont know mom, he hasnt called" you tried to hide how disappointed you where "thats a shame, i found a show me mightve liked"

12am arrived and you sat in your childhood bedroom, looking at your phone as if itwould suddenly beep on. But it didnt. Instead of getting all hung up over him again you stuck on the cky disk that lay ndxt to your cd player quietly.

1am *tink* you heard a little noise but ignored it *tink* *tink* what the fuck? You looked round your room for the small noise *TINK* it sounded from your window and you opened your blinds, bam and ryan stood how they always did at the bottom, you opened your window and stuck your head out "what are you? Children?" "Yeah, we are coming up" you watched as the two climbed up on the small roof, helping eachother out. You grabbed onto ryans clammy hand to help him and he helped bam in "cky? Awesome!" Ryan said loudly, walking to the cd player "ryan shut the fuck up my parents are home" "what are you? A child?" You smacked his head with the back of your hand. Ryan was like the cousin you would only see occasionally. Bam lay in your bed behind you, you felt like you had two toddlers twaddling around all curious "sorry y/n i cant stay for long, bam told me not to" ryan said looking back at you both, the light against his face showing his growing facial hair "that wasnt the excuse we practiced pube face" bam groaned "whaaat? Im forgetful remember?" Ryan said sarcastically, they went on like a married couple too often.

30 minutes later, ryan was leaving out the window leaving only you and bam "this room hasnt changed at all" He spoke taking your attention away from the window where you watched ryan walk back to his house "i havent been in it for 5 years, you laughed, looking around "what happened to the camera?" "The camera? OH" you searched under your bed for the professional camera that you had gotten with your own money in the 90s, coated in dust "i retired her alittle" you laughed. Bam put his arm around you the way he always did when you would show him the pictures and held you close. The pictures loaded up as you went through them, the occasional funny ones or ones where he fell appeared.

They brought you back to that point in your life when you would run away with him, drinking in abandoned skateparks and annoying the locals. 'Outlaws' , 'misfits' they called you. You laughed in their faces, so unaware of what was to come.

"god these are so good" he laughed, eventually you came across a picture of you two kissing and skipped by it quickly "hey what was that?" Bam laughed, skipping back "wow shes gorgeous i wonder where she is now" he nudged you "SHE is? Have you saw him?" You nudged him back "y/n?" "Yes bam bam?" "Can i kiss you?" Your face flushed and you looked at him supprised, instead of answering you kissed him, his warm hand coming up to cradle your face. You didnt want to have sex with him, you didnt need to. All you wanted was to feel whole again with him, the feeling of having him near was all you wanted "i missed you" you whispered, bringing your head down onto his shoulder "why didnt you call or visit me after i left you?" He brought his arms around you "i was scared" "scared?" "I didnt want to admit that i was a shitty boyfriend" “did you even think of contacting me?” “No… im sorry. I was a naive child” “so was i” he planted a gentle kiss on your forehead “so when are you going back?” “Tomorrow..." "tomorrow ?!" He freaks out grabbing your hands and pulling away from the hug "why are you leaving me so soon" you laugh alittle "bam i have a job, a house" "friends?" Your face drops.

Maybe delaware wasnt a bad place to live in but god you where fucking lonley. Day after day after day you would wake up in a double bed alone hoping that somehow you would wake up in the warm embrace of him.

"i dont need friends" "y/n cmon, you got a good thing here in westchester" bam brought your hands up to his face as he looked deep into your eyes “bam its not that simple, i cant just give up my life” “well tonight im going to make up for being so shitty. Get your shit together we are going”

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miks-fantrolls · 5 months

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hi :3 soooooo which character(s) do you have the most muse/thoughts for and what do you like writing abt them the most?

THATS A GOOD QUESTION! i havent had a lot of time to think abt my characters in a while (´ー｀)

HOWEVER.

i think i end up having a muse for brusli, antemh, or dadevu most of the time. brusli and dadevu more for actual writing, whereas antemh has always just kind of been. a brainworm. hes just kind of always there.

i can see a lot of myself in brusli, antemh, and dadevu. there's a lot of coping mechanisms that have gone into them.

in hindsight, writing antemh was a huge coping mechanism for me growing up (made him ~2013? maybe even 2012), but as ive gotten older and left the environment i was in, hes kind of just turned into a silly lil guy for me. i guess maybe he's still somewhat a reflection of me even now--a guy who, despite having every reason to be bitter and miserable, still persists and stays silly.

to answer the second question, that's what my favorite part of writing him is. i think most people would assume he's pretty much a comic relief character, which wouldnt be wrong, but its easy to see happy-go-lucky characters and assume theyre more two-dimensional than characters who wear their troubles on their sleeve.

this also kind of (realizing as i write) reflects my own experience with being autistic. theres an unintentional assumption on others' parts where they assume, because i'm playful and choose to put on a happy face, that those are my only qualities. it's kind of hard to articulate to non-autistic people, so it's more IYKYK. a common complaint from adult autistic ppl though is we have a hard time getting people to take/treat us seriously like the adults we are, or at least treat us like our age.

brusli has a little bit of my middle school self in her. she's a bit more of a tomboy and she likes girls (which is more of a defining trait in an AU human brusli than troll brusli). a large amount of my brain power is dedicated to brusli/sarlla (sarlla belonging to @beantrolls) ship content because im obsessed w/ their relationship. i'm not sure why, but if i generally had to describe the nature of their relationship (again, this is moreso human au-specific, but there's elements of it in their troll relationship), it's sort of a trans&lesbian inversion of the manic pixie dream girl trope.

what i like about writing brusli is the emotions. when i'm emotionally struggling, she and antemh are usually the characters i turn to, depending on the mood. brusli is a little more visibly Sadgirl on this blog than she is in the comic, mostly because i kind of have her on that Tumblr Truth Serum here, where its assumed that an asker already has a somewhat established relationship with her. otherwise, she would kind of be boring to roleplay here, because canonly, she's alienated herself from most people and doesnt socialize much

*I ANSWERED THIS FOREVER AGO THEN TRIED TO SAVE IT AS A DRAFT AND TUMBLR ATE IT. BUT NOW ITS BACK. GOD DAMN. i think i was gonna say something about dadevu but its been forever so idk anyumore.

#god damn.#brusli skreon #antemh deonis

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girlwithfish · 6 months

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Body image appearance discussion. tw for eds and dysmorphia and shit. and self harm and also sex tmi shit. idek. im contemplative bear w me

like basically i never was pretty as a kid or growing up. like idk i guess conventionally attractive people or if ur just "objectively" pretty ppl comment on that a lot if ur a girl like family members but i never really was complimented like that. if anything ppl just tore my appearance down in my family unintentionally or intentionally and i was bullied for my features as a kid and ppl commented on my nose a lot soooooooooo. i feel my really low self esteem just falls back into the whole like trauma of feeling like i shouldnt even exist bc of how i was raised and guilt instilled in u and all of the feelings of alienation socially and bc of my appearance and ethnicity and just who i was. i wasnt really pretty as a teenager either and when i was 18 and started actually exploring sexuality more idk i still felt like im not really pretty and its why i like never believe anyone who compliments me and i dont really get complimented on appearance much anyway so. and also the disordered eating borderline anorexia phase i had when i was 12-14 where i would like take ice baths and restrict and write my goal weight it was kind of fucked up ngl like i didnt rly damage myself physically like i didnt lose much weight but ik the mindset was very damaging and i just like did not feel good bc i had no energy bc i was starving myself LMAOOO anyway that definitely still carries w me even now even tho im better w it but still very much struggle w eating but thats more a depression dysfunctional thing i guess. and when i started getting more sexual i guess like i equate sex and love a lot sometimes i even feel like i cant be pretty but at least im somewaht attractive body wise and im good at fucking like is that crazy idk like sexual validation makes me feel loved and i dont feel like i am actually pretty or pleasant looking or nice looking so the most i can have is like my body is ok . and when i was a kid i used to want to cut my vagina lips off lmaoo cuz i iddnt know what outies were lmfao and shit and ive been having intrusive thoughts like that lately just bc im like really depressed and not having any sex and my relationship is not intimate anymore and i havent even masturbated bc ive been too depresse and i also think masturbating as a girl is kinda annoying like i wanna be in BED not like do it in the bathroom bc i have a big ass rabbit vibe that looks like an alien gun. like if u have a dick u can just jack off in the bathroom or something and its quiet yk???? but like w a vibe its ANNOYING. like i need to be completely alone and i live w someone so like thatsh ard. if i had a dick i would jack one off in the bathroom LMAO. im sexually frustrated and shit and feel like if im not sexual at all im just like ugly and something idk. But also not evne in the mood for sex bc im soooooo depressed. and also im very physical in romantic relationships but not w anyone else idk what thats all about. My mentality has always been if theyre being physically affectionate w me theres no way or little chance they can be mad at me. also i really hate porn and od not like watching it i havent really in yrs cuz i just didnt care for it after i started having long term partner sex cuz im crazy like that like i dont evendesire looking at other ppl when im in a relationship. yk. and i kinda disagree w porn just cuz ive seen waht it does to straight men and u hear so many stories. and it makes me uncomfortable to see ppl have sex i realized. i only like seeing myself have sex LMAOO. im like sexual but in a private way. and i have a weird relationship to sex and my body and shit. idek. its cuz im like ed core also not white also unconventional looking and idk was a late blooemr sexually a little so. IDEK. but yeah im trying to have a healtheir relationship to how i view myself but its fucking hard

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dw-writes · 1 year

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Hi! Going off anon from now on 😖🫡

I'm all caught up on The Invasion and I want to rip my hair out at the roots! I am so goddamn in love with this series it's driving me insane! I finally watched American Gods but I didn't get all the way through the 3rd season 🥺 I really thought that with Sweeney gone they'd treat Shadow like the actual main character but that wasn't the case :((( the first 2 seasons were fantastic tho! Loved them to bits!

I think the last time I messaged you I told you I quit my job in fast food and became a manager somewhere else? Well I quit there early December and now I'm unemployed 🥴

I'm trying very very hard to pick up my writing but all this plotting (and my new meds that I freakin hate) made my creativity take a nose dive HOWEVER I did a writing warm up in a perspective that I hate to challenge myself and remembered who the the fuck I am and why I started writing in the first place. Very proud of myself for that one but now I need to go back to plotting and it's like dredging a bog.

I saw some posts saying that you moved? I'm so happy for you!! How has that been so far?

- 🐈

HELLO!!!! its been a while!!! Im glad to hear from you!!

i also havent finished season three. I want to!! but i really need to be in the mood to sit down and finish it. im bummed that we wont get the rest of shadows story but with all the background that happened after season two im surprised there was a three at all.

yes i do remember that! im sorry that youre currently unemployed AND dealing with your meds. I know thata really rough especially at the start. i know i still have trouble with mine because of the type of medication it is and how it affects my mood. if you can find something that inspires you, thats awesome!! but sometimes it takes having to really look for something that sparks your interest to help.

as for the move, its great!! i moved from north dakota to texas with my two cats and i have a job now and im so much happier. its been amazing ♡♡♡

im glad to hear from you!!!!

#dw speaks #friend chatter

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post-office-by-the-bay · 24 days

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hi covey!!!!

i havent been able to respond and interact with all ur posts since im not home atm but im sitting in hotel room bed writing this rn so! i have found my way to your other account tho😈 so im gonna write a little rant i hope you dont mind (even tho thats kinda what the account is made for, i still feel weird doing it!!) so feel free to ignore i just reallt want rant!

also wanna start it off by saying i hope youve been doing well and the college stress isnt affecting you too much!!

okiiii so anyway its my birthday tofay 😜😜 and for my bday weekend we went to chicago since its pretty close to where i live and i thiight it would be fun but sometjkng about me is just that i hate being away from home like idk i just love my room so idk why i wanted to do thid for my bday but ANYWAY.

friday and saturday were oretty fun even tho its so cold out but ive had an overall good time! the obly downside is my DAD bro. i dont think hes ever experienced true happiness in hus life bc if any tiny bad thing happens he gets so MAD and for NO REASON. i try to stay happy but its literally such a mood killer like how am i supoosed to enjoy my time wjen ur over here bitching and complaing about not getting the corner booth like. get over pls shut up i wanna be happy.

and then today i thoight we were gonna go to this museum and then meet up with my brither to go to the sears/willis tower but it got completely changed and i was so confused and we didnt do anytbing k wanted to do that day. like i wanted kbbq as my bday dinner like it was the MAIN reason i wanted to go to chicaho but they switched uo and said it was too far away. like okay then… im like fine whatever just choose some place else bc idk what i want and i dont wanna decide and THEY KEPT ASKING ME AND BOTHERING ME LIKE PLS LEAVE ME ALONE. and then we were just walking around everywhere trying to fund a place to eat and i was getting annoyed so i just said olay i wanna go here, AND THEY JUSR GO SOMEWHERE ELSE EVEN THO THEY WERE ASKING ME WHERE I WANTED TO GO??? pls.. jusg make up ur mind. and then when we finally got to a place bc i was like yall im tired lets just go to fresking shake shack they starting bitching about the prices and i get we dont have a lot of money but it just made me feel so guilty??

anyway i felt way better bc me and my cousin started making fun of my dad so i felt 10x #wcousin😇

now im in the hotel room listening to my dad snore SO FREAKING LOUF LIKE HOW AM I GONNA SLEEP.

OKAY IM SO SORRY FOR WRITING SO MUCH LIKE YOU DO NOT HAVE TO RESD ALL THIS COVEY OMG

TLDR; birthday was rlly my dads rlly whiny but im chill now!

have a good day/night covey sorry writing so much😭😭

-🐌

beloved snail anon,

do not feel bad for ranting!! that's the whole point of this blog!! we just need to ignore the fact that i ignored it for so long lmao.

first and foremost, HAPPIEST OF (late) BIRTHDAYS TO YOU!! I KNOW YOUR DAD WAS BEING A BIT OF A BUMMER (kill all men) BUT YOU DESERVED TO HAVE THE BESTEST DAY AND IM SORRY HE TRIED TO TAKE THAT AWAY.

my dad is, from the sound of it, very similar to your dad. and i've grown to kinda just throw it back at him. it took years of warming up to it, but now i just treat him the way he treats us and he shuts up real real quick, ya know?? anyways, im so so sorry that he was being sucky (again kill all men) and you totally didn't deserve that!! wishing you a better birthday for next year!!

all my love,

covey 𐙚⊹ ࣪ ˖

#hey this is your captain speaking ₊✩‧｡⋆𐙚 𓆝 #second cabin girl snail anon ࿐༉༉

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wildflower-rain · 1 month

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long post with just my musings about nothing. more a journal entry than anything else. all lighthearted stuff.

dont know if im in a mood but im considering stepping away from this blog and the internet in general for a bit.

been on here to much lately or something plus some other stuff. idk i may disappear briefly.

hesitant to do so because i think my unintentional attempt to keep stuff in this blog's queue is why my brain hasn't just rejected it. like thats not a big consideration point but it is there.

tbf there aren't many points here at all. i just kind of started thinking about this like two hours ago so yk, i may wake up and forget i said anything.

been less engaged in some ways anyway. and more in others. been on here for long periods but i normally try add a bit of commentary in the tags if only for my own memory and amusement. but i haven't seen much that ive really wanted reblog to begin with and ive had nothing to say about anything. also as i think i said in the last two posts here now i just dont have anything to say at the moment. nothing understandable and shareable at least. got real life stuff happening too. had a lot of work to do. and a lot of stress. not actually that much stress probably , not compared to normal because like every situation is a high stress situation to me. just how i work. but i may well be forgetting how stressed i've been. i'm not sure.

idk. this blog does help me sort out my brain some. which is a point to the the other side. this post is basically a journal entry. and thats really how i use this blog most of the time. rambling about random stuff. its more consistent than any journal i've kept or have tried to keep. wondering if it would be unreasonable to make a private sideblog to actually just use as a journal because apparently tumblr gets the thoughts out of me.

i should make a journal tag. maybe. i don't know. for some reason i have more faith in tumblr not losing all my stuff than my other digital note taking and journal stuff. and generally i think better in typing. i do have a physical journal. i just don't think as freely in it, my hand gets cramped or i cant write fast enough for my thoughts. so i like digital stuff. and apparently my brain sees tumblr as more likely to not lose my stuff and die than anywhere else. at least out of places that i like the format of. don't like the idea of dumping this all in a word doc for some reason. it would make more sense. i could stick things on a usb but no, instead here i am with my billion word tumblr post that anyone can see. maybe ill start copying things into word docs after the fact idk.

i dont know why im so afraid that all my shit will be deleted. i really havent lost that much digital stuff over the years, nothing important to me i dont think. not accounts, not saved info, not my own pieces of stuff.. maybe one or two things i dont remember. i dont know why i just dont trust stuff to not get lost becuase of some screw up. idk. its 3:30am i'm going to sleep now. i had more work to do but im tired and i need to do more stuff tomorrow so i might as well get some sleep.

goodnight tumblr. or goodmorning or whatever time it is when this gets released, imma queue it.

#lol this does not need to be public #but it's here now so i guess it's staying here #they them #en end #or something idk

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rrxnjun · 1 year

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BEST MOTIVATION!!🥳 i'm glad u are handling things better!! LMAO THE JIHOON BRAINROT HIT U HARD but tbh i'm very good with him being the main character lmao and aaa thank u for telling me!! hope u manage to set it up🥹

aaa those are amazing🤌 i wish i was a proper kpop stan just to experience them fully💔 aa only listen to them when u have the time and u are in the mood for it!!! i will be here if u want to give a review about them later and not immediately!! it's so hard to get it right f with kpop songs for no reason😭 my friend still surprises me to this day with what kind of songs she likes and i know her music taste very well but some how i still manage to mess it up😭 TBH I WOULD BE DOWN FOR SONG RECOMMENDATIONS FROM CIX CUZ I NEVER LISTENED TO THEM!! the boyz english line is just too funny imo😭

OMG GOOD JOB!!!🥳🥳 GO OFF STEM GIRLIE!!! oh my lord i'm not surprised then that it's very difficult😭 u are very smart for even just getting into it!!! i will probably take it very badly cuz i already have issues in high school so whatever🥱 buuut i'm sure i will get through it somehow lmao if i even get in😙✌️ aaaa thank uuu so much i really appreciate u and love talking with u!!🥹🥹💕💓💓 (liebestraum anon💞💖)

girl im struggling. tried creating the side blog but i for the love of god cant come up with a proper url 😭😭😭😭 why did i choose a bias w the most unurlable name ffs everything looks terrible. i also havent been writing as much lately i think im having writers block which is really :// so lets pray it goes away soon

i added all the songs u recommended into a seperate playlist and tried listening to them the other day but then i got unreasonably angry at something so i just switched to my angry playlist 😃👍 howEVER i managed to get through the thrill ride ep and so far the title track was my fav,, i didnt find myself drawn to the other songs but that might honestly be bc of my shitty mood that day so im gonna give it a relisten and then gather my thoughts 😌😌 kpop is so diverse and so different than anything else so getting the songs right is always so difficult AHAHA

CIX RECS SAY LESS i actually havent heard their whole discography yet so take it as u will but. u might know movie star, numb or jungle (both of which fucking slap to this day,, their songs age like fine wine) oR cinema thats one of my favs from them!!!! their whole debut ep is very good but esp. like it that way and what you wanted are SOSOSO good oh lord. also 458 and without you (istg that song is one of the most beautiful kpop songs imo) are very very good 😌 hope u like at least some SJSJDKSK let me know if u do (no pressure to listen to any of these tho!!)

good luck w getting into uni im sure u can get in!! 😌😌 hs unfortunately cant prepare u for the shift (at least in slovakia) so it will definitely be something u need to get used to but trust me at uni nobody rlly cares abt grades anymore 😭😭 after a while u lose energy for that LMAO the only thing needed is passing 👍👍👍 rooting for you!!

it was nice hearing from you 💕 hope u have a nice weekend/the next week mwah!!

#and sorry for the late reply i was mentally unavailable 😵#💌ask #liebestraum anon

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the-kipsabian · 1 year

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💫🎀🎉💞💥🍭💎🪄💌

💫what is your favorite kind of comment/feedback? i honestly love everything i get be it just 'good' or a keyboard smash or anything, but ive always been extra fond of feedback that states the commenters favorite part of the fic or picks apart their favorite sentences etc. cause to me that feels like they took the time not only to read, but also to try to invest themselves in the story and understand it and what the words i was putting down were fully trying to convey. they are the very special kinds to me personally <3

🎀give yourself a compliment about your own writing its the one i can keep repeating to the very end, but i love the way i can convey emotions in scenes. i think im pretty hecking good at that honestly

🎉how often do you celebrate completing & posting a work? how often do you give yourself the credit/validation that you seek from others when you post? (if you don't, you should!) oh wow i havent. actually rewarded myself for finishing and posting since i started doing it again lol. i do give myself credit when its due cause i think my work is pretty good at the moment so i dont feel like im posting subpar stuff, but i also dont know what to reward myself with. i cant afford anything and little things dont bring me much joy rn honestly lol. stay tuned maybe i figure this out

💞what's the most important part of a story for you? the plot, the characters, the worldbuilding, the technical stuff (grammar etc), the figurative language characters (and their relationships) and the overall mood. i usually want to convey a certain feeling through a scene so thats my top priority, and i take pride in my character work a lot so thats also up there, trying to make them feel as real as possible. reading-wise im a plot person tho, or again the mood is really important to me

💥find your least kudos'd fic - say something wonderful about it. (unspirisingly) insomnia. i just thought it was really cute. it also helped my anxiety while working on it and reading it afterwards a few times so like. yeah. its also the piece that got me into writing kip so thats very special

🍭why did you start writing? i have always liked stories. i was a lonely child with no friends and talents, writing was the one thing i was maybe good at and ppl complimented me on when i dared to share something with them. currently im doing it as an outlet and cause it just makes me happy and my god nobody else is writing these fics and ships (except you <3) and someone fucking has to LOL

💎why is writing important to you? i mean its pretty much the same answer as above lol. im sad, im lonely, trying to make something that makes me happy since i have almost completely fallen off from the drawing bandwagon and i need a creative outlet. its the one way im most comfortable expressing myself and it keeps me sane rn. its like the One Thing i feel im actually good at i guess

🪄what is your post-writing/sharing aftercare? How do you take care of yourself or celebrate yourself when you've finished a fic? recently i think all ive done after finishing something is either eat or go to bed lol. i also more often than not let the written stuff simmer for a while, depending how im feeling about it if its an hour or a few days before editing and posting so im not constantly overworking myself, but yeah. food and/or sleep is the most common thing rn. as stated above, i cant afford any big things to celebrate with and small things barely give me any sort of happiness rn

💌share something with us about an up-and-coming work (WIP) that has you excited! i love how this question immediately drew my brain into a blank lol. i dont really have a lot of things actually in works right now, i just have a very long list of ideas and requests, theres only like. actually three things im trying to work on that i have started (and i might have to scrap at least one of them hmm). but immortal fears is always good!! chapter 3 WILL happen eventually, its maybe 2/3 written right now and i just really. REALLY enjoy writing chuck. so im excited to share that and hope that people like him as much as i do!!

fic writer asks ~

#thank you for asking! <3 #midnightpretenders0

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ess-presso · 1 year

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hellooo im back💥 i adore your tattoo ideas i love queen sm & getting lines from youre my best friend with your best friend? genius truly. if i could get my best friend to get a matching tattoo with me (which would never happen shes so indecisive) id love to get lyrics from a song we both love. also love the little freak lines i love that song sm.

TY for the fic rec again im gonna give u another one because thats how this works now<3 across the hallway by periwinklehelp_123 (dorlene, dorcas and marlene live across the hallway from each other, pretty self explanatory)

now for taylor. im in a reputation kinda mood today sooo....getaway car, gorgeous, call it what you want !

and omg. pisces thats so funny. please tell me u dont have the same bday as remus.

also i love friends & b99 theyre just such perfect feel-good shows. ive recently been watching new girl in my spare time too🫶

also tangled & princess and the frog?? taste. i love those movies sm theyre the superior disney princess movies (although i always was an ariel girl when i was really young LOL)

okay now questions:

have i ever seen a moose - god i wish. i dont even think moose live in my part of canada? (just googled it and they dont. very sad day for me)

temperature over here - rn its 6 degrees, in the summer it gets up to like 30 degrees, & winter usually gets down to around -10 at most.

favourite fic of all time - oooh this is a hard one. now i dont really read fics for any other fandom, its kinda for marauders for me so. my wip favourites are disintegration by moonymoment, crimson rivers by zar, edge by pinkpalaceapartments (another agent-james assassin-reg fic, based on killing eve), kill your darlings by messermoon, and ofc dead or alive (i guess i have a thing for assassin reg and agent james LOL) now for finished fics... the winner is gonna have to go to just lovers (like we were supposed to be) by zar. (and intermission by zar too since it fits in there) its just perfect and i feel like ive reread it a billion times.

fav golden trio era ship - probably luna and neville (do they have a ship name? i cant think of it if they do) they were my favourite characters as a kid so they have a special place in my heart. OH i also love romione because theyre just a classic and i love them sm.

do i write fics - sadly no. ive tried and failed. im not a creative writer at all, in fact im literally the opposite, call me the grammar police. im essentially the designated paper editor among my friends because im fantastic at technical writing and stuff like that, but i cant write for shit. i truly envy people who can create such beautiful stories.

tea or coffee - coffee always. i do love tea and have it probably just as much as coffee but i will always be a coffee girly.

go to outfit - hmm. well i basically live in my doc martens and leather jacket (very sirius of me i must say) and i do love a good baggy jean and band tee look. but on my off days you cannot find me out of my sweatpants or pajamas. its simply not happening.

how many piercings - 4, two on each earlobe. (2 i did myself with a sewing needle, dont recommend) i really wanna get my septum or just the nostril, but i havent decided yet. although id probably never get it, i do love the look of the medusa piercing too its just cool.

area of study - im studying classics and anthroplogy in uni rn! ive always been a history/humanities girly and i love ancient history and languages so much so thats what i decided to do. (plus i was a greek mythology kid so) i think my ideal career path would be archaeologist but that could change at any given moment, so im just seeing where uni takes me.

fun fact about me - hmmm. im left handed! kinda not a fun fact but for some reason i dont know very many left handed people (i swear have we gotten rarer or something??)

now for questions for you:

do you like books? whats your fav book/book series?

fav movie/movies?

whats one place youve always wanted to visit and why?

do you have any go-to pieces of jewelry that you always wear?

fav food?

cats or dogs?

mbti type?

sun, moon, or stars?

fav holiday? (as im writing this im losing it thinking about what you said about lily and james dying on my bday.😭 i just know james answered the door dressed to the nines in some dumb costume)

im so bad at coming up with questions and im running out ideas so ill think of more for next time <3

-bee

bee bee hello my new best friend <333

i know it is genius isn’t it ??? that’s what i keep telling my best friend , but he’s too scared of the needle. my goal is one year. one year and we’ll both get tattoos. and the little freak thing is literally one of my favourite harry songs !!

new girl is honestly like after modern family on my list. i shall get to her one day.

YOU ARE WELCOME FOR THE FIC REC :))))) I’ve now downloaded across the hallway & am very excited to read it , so thank you (i love lesbians & the next door neighbour trope !!)

now fic rec for you (that is what we do now , you are absolutely correct.) - down at the wolfbucks café by WolfstarGarden (ft barista james & remus , where regulus & sirius walk in one day for a cup of coffee.)

and because i’m on a little bit of a drarry kick rn - mental by sara_holmes (ft drarry with a miscast legilimens spell meaning they can hear each other’s thoughts.)

TAY TAY TIME -

(also yes , reputation always! as jake would say , ‘she makes me feel things’)

getaway car - JEGULUS - i’ve claimed this song for doa (it’s very inspired by getaway car) so i’m very excited for it (favourite song on rep , dare i say.) ‘sirens in the beat of your heart , should’ve known i’d be the first to leave , think about the place where you first met me’ - very very relevant for doa. changed my life when i heard this line. and generally ‘sirens in the beat of your heart’ like nee naw nee naw , don’t fall in love with this man , it’s bad for your heart , but aw crap i’m in love with him already !!!

gorgeous - JEGULUS - (keep relating everything to them , but i swear there are other ships i relate with other songs ) ‘you ruined my life by not being mine’ regulus watching james dance at a club & fuming because someone’s dancing against him (he doesn’t know that james is doing it on purpose to make him jealous) ‘you make me so happy it turns back to sad’ I LOVE IT it’s them them. ‘you’re so gorgeous , i can’t say anything to your face’ i can just imagine reg being all mean to him (it’s his way of flirting , poor chap.)

call it what you want - JEGULUS - (again I feel the need to apologise. i relate everything to them , they’re my current hyperfixation.) ‘brought a knife to a gunfight’ ‘They fade to nothing when I look at him ,And I know I make the same mistakes every time , Bridges burn, I never learn, at least I did one thing right, I did one thing right’ - IT’S SO THEM IN MY HEAD !!! like imagine a celeb au , and this is reg afterwards where he’s being all smooth with it , because he’s finally home with james AHHHHHH.

chatting time -

i just assumed everywhere in canada had mooses. just like i see foxes everywhere here . that’s a little disappointing , tbh , they should have mooses everywhere.

6 degrees??? damn that’s almost warm compared to the weather here (1 degree) . & it gets into he negatives ( I don’t remembered a minus ten , but i could be wrong.) however , i still think london cold is colder than any other cold. it just hits different. like absolutely ten times worse.

and the fics , dstg , cr , kyd , are all on my list ( i paused cr at chap two so I am absolutely avoiding spoilers with a BAT) and edge (KILLING EVE ??? OH MY GOD IT’S GOING ON THE LIST.) . thank u so so much for putting dead or alive on this list !!! I’m so happy you liked reading it just as much as i love writing it !!

just lovers & intermission are also on my list. my lessons are currently fucking me up so i have zero free time , & i’ve got mocks coming up in a little while. but once i’m free , i will absolutely read this it sounds so cute and comforting!!

ahhh luna & neville ?? that’s so sweet ?? (vis a vis ship name - luville is what i’d go for :) ) & i love romione too (unfortunately will not be reading any fics with them as the main ship , they’re just not compelling enough for me ) i personally love drarry (& dramione sometimes , lil bit of a guilty pleasure u might say) and their fics stab me in my heart and put them back together (isolation , temptation on the warfront (fave drarry fic ever) , it was all just a game , wait and hope)

AND SAME . I’m literally the grammar editor for my bets friend . // ‘edit my paper’ ‘use grammarly’ ‘you went to a grammar school. you ARE my grammarly.’ // literally even my school friends , the ones who went to this grammar school with me , use me as their editors . I’m being used , honestly. (i make them buy me things in exchange though.)

YOU CHOSE COFFEE ?? as a british person , this is blasphemy. absolute blasphemy. *sips tea with pinky finger sticking out*

leather jacket & doc martens ?? so sirius black of u , yes. ( me looking at my red converse , jeans & plain ol’ shirt.) BAND TEES BAND TEES BAND TEES. I LOVE THEM SO MUCH THEY ARE BAE. I unfortunately own like one of them , but my best friend owns so so many and one day , when he’s not home , i’ll break in and take a couple. maybe. not getting out of sweats & pjs is so real of you & same honestly. nothing beats netflix & pjs with a glass of something sparkly & a tube of smarties for me.

BRO not the sewing needle , how did you not get an infection ?????? one of my friends has a septum piercing (her parents do not know this !) so she hides up her nose when she’s at home. she got a cold recently, and she describes sneezing with the septum piercing ‘the most painful thing i’ve ever fucking felt.’ so u know. advice. i myself advise you to get the nostril pierced. i think it would be very cool of you (but of course i am in favour of whatever you wish to do)

AHHHHHHH I WAS ALSO A GREEK MYTHOLOGY KID!!!!! i knew the story of troy by heart , and i still do. i still do. love meeting another greek nerd honestly we’re so cool !!! AND YOU STUDY CLASSICS ??? that’s so cool of u honestly. there’s a joke in latin (here at least ) where we say ‘caecilius est in horto’ does that carry over there in canada ?? or am i just speaking tosh right now?? & anthropology too ?? u just keep getting more and more awesome. (i wanted to be an archaeologist too , at one point. decided saving lives was more my thing.somtimes tho , when i watch spy movies & i come out of the cinema , i do say i will become an agent.but i never will.) & yes let life carry u on ur way .

left-handed people are depleting. i know one left handed person in real life & she says it’s a real struggle. (my goal in life is to become ambidextrous though.)

QUESTION TIME 🕰️-

I LOVE BOOKS !!!! (took english lit for a level , I gotta have had loved reading in some way!) my favourite books when i was a kid was hp , but now they’re the ‘a good girls guide to murder series’ i highly recommend them , ravi singh is my personal fave. for a singular book ? you must never ask a bookworm this, it’s a cardinal sin. i’ll give you my top four

gods of jade and shadow

a thousand splendid suns

if we were villains

little women

(these books changed my life , I highly recommend.)

and my favourite movies ? top three -

jumanji (the first one)

the proposal (ryan & sandy have my HEART. writing an au of them right now ‘born or invented.’ jegulus of course , because margaret can’t swim , and neither can he.)

the hunger games movies (peeta>>>> gale)

hp movies (poa & ootp especially)

i do have more , (some aren’t even english) but my mind is blank rn. watching the apprentice atm & the boys just won the first ep. the girls are all sad & i’m very sorry for them.m (one of them will have to go home, but one of them also keeps calling herself the ‘kim k of business women’ as if kim wasn’t already a business women.)

place i wanted to visit?? new york - i always wanted to go there. friends takes place there , it’s the big apple , yk???? I love it so much on tv & i do want to see all the ways americans are different. want a big gulp cup , i want to experience a lil british privilege. want to go to the concrete jungle , for sure.

my earrings, and this pandora bracelet which has a snitch clasp & the ‘i open at the close inscription’ it’s very dear to me. also also a gold necklace with a double dolpin. i wear these three all the time , but sometimes i also like wearing lots of rings , but i’m in a lab for a lot of the time so it’s very inconvenient for me.

fave food- pop tarts and also this Chinese takeaway from near my place??? i’m in heaven whenever i eat it. i go out often , and nothing has ever beat that. i also love the cookies & brownies from this bakery near my bus stop & i honestly love them so much. (me and my best friend went there every day after our gcses honestly.)

cats or dogs - cats. (sorry sirius) but i would never say no to a pupper! always pet one if the owner lets me!!

mbti type - INFJ-T (i’m an advocate?? yes yes i think that’s good :)) )

stars !! always stars!! (technically the sun is also a star , but i digress) stars make pretty constellations and as an ex-astronomy student, i love them so much.

fave holiday - CHRISTMAS !!!!! a london christmas is IMMACULATE. honestly the vibes are unreal. the lights on oxford street and everything ✨

& the halloween thing ?? i’m sorry , oh my god , your birthday is now the deathday of the greatest parents ever 💔.

WHY DOES EVERYONE KEEP SAYING JAMES OPENED THE DOOR ??? HE DID NOT DO THIS ??? voldy broke down the door , my friend , i promise even james isn’t that trusting.

but i agree he was so dressed in a dumb costume anyways .

q’s for next time

fave rarepair ?

fuck marry kill james sirius remus

what place do you want to visit and why?

fave book / book series ?

most embarrassing thing you’ve ever done ?

favourite thing you own?

if your life was a movie , what would you call it ?

(as usual , bee , come back in my inbox asap i will miss u otherwise. and keep it coming with the taylor songs , this is my daily bread.)

#ess water a plant #bee <33 #ess’s marauders x ts crossover

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