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#i think we'll be eating good
naffeclipse · 3 months
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queerprayers · 9 months
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i want to say first of all that i fully respect a community's/denomination's/culture's right to have closed practices. i am not entitled to other people's traditions, and when i am a guest in a space i understand that everything is not automatically for me. and i know i do not have to understand to respect.
and also! when i go to a catholic church and can't receive communion i want to fall on the floor weeping. what do you mean i can't have him he's right there. sorry my baptism was the wrong kind of baptism. i'm hungry and you want me to become someone else before being fed.
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starflungwaddledee · 4 months
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they're not like other waddle dees (for @gemapples)
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marblerose-rue · 7 months
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click for better quality!
must be fall
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ryllen · 6 months
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i'm so happy to see you've fallen into twisted wonderland, but i did NOT expect you to fall in love with Sebek. good for you!
Love is an overstatement.
All i want to do is tease & scrunch his whole being into a little ball. 🤣
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blujayonthewing · 4 months
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I understand why the sub for dungeon meshi is just the script for the dub but that doesn't mean I have to like it
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airenyah · 12 days
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Your essay on Joong's underrated acting skills deepened my Joong appreciation so much, that I watched Mafia the Series, I'm watching Ploy's Yearbook (even though there is a serious lack of Joong so far), and I'm planning on watching The Warp Effect too. I haven't watched het shows in over ten years, so this is a big deal! 😂 I really liked him with Dunk in their shows, but MTS gave me another facet of him, because he's so timid in it, unlike in SIMM and HA, where he's (seemingly) very cool and in control. So thank you for making me a full time Joong (and Dunk) girl 💜
i saw this message first thing in the morning when i woke up yesterday and it instantly put me in a good mood!!! <3
YESSSSSS I'M SO HAPPY TO HEAR THAT
mafia the series might actually be my absolute fave thai het-show, it's just SO funny!!!! and the entire cast is so great, like, not just joong but the entire cast plays off each other SO well. and don't even get me started on gina virahya and her portrayal of anna kondra!!!!
you know, when i went into mafia the series i saw the poster and was like "ughh i really am gonna have to sit through this standard (overly) dramatic mafia show just for joong, huh. the things i do for my boy..." and then. AND THEN. you can imagine my surprise. i was crying tears of laughter throughout the show and i was actually laughing so hard that my mom made a comment about how she could hear my laugh in my room
beam is my loser boy and joong portrays him in such an adorably awkward way, i love it <333
and yes there IS a serious lack of joong in ploy's yearbook so far :((((
it was quite funny tho bc in the one scene where joong does show up i immediately recognized him by the back of his head, like!! i saw this:
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and instantly went "OH there's my boy!!!!!" 😂😂😂
and i can't wait to see him with film bc film did extremely well with gun in not me and i feel like film and joong will also work together really well
you know, i'm always happy to turn people into full time joong (and dunk) girls!!!!!!
i've adored them ever since simm which i watched live from ep2 onwards. fun fact, actually: when i started simm i actually had no idea who they were (even though technically i'd seen dunk in bad buddy already, except i wasn't paying attention to the random high school bandmates and so i didn't actually recognize dunk and only realized later on ahahah)
aaaanyway, i had no idea who they were, right? and so in 2022 my mom and i spent two nights in prague during easter and in the evening we were in our hotel room and we were kinda looking for something to watch. and i was like "hey look, gmmtv has a new bl out and it looks kinda cute and fluffy judging by the thumbnails?? and like something that doesn't require too much brain power?? plus, there's also only two eps out so far, so we'll be caught up right away" and so we watched the first two episodes and then the two of us ended up watching every new ep together every week hahaha
i actually didn't really talk about it on tumblr back then and when you go back on my blog you'll see that there are hardly any simm post. but really, with every new simm episode that aired i liked joongdunk more and more. and especially once the characters started dating i was actually so in awe about just how comfortable joong and dunk were with each other and how they absolutely weren't afraid to touch? like, their physical affection was just so casual, like it was the most natural thing in the world to them in an "i'm-not-even-thinking-about-it-bc-it's-so-normal" kind of way and that was just soooo refreshing to watch?? i was (and still am) truly amazed
and when just a couple of months later, at the end of 2022 gmmtv announced joongdunk were gonna get another show together i got SO excited!! and also when it was revealed that simm was included in our skyy 2!!!!
and then hidden agenda started airing and then i was tagged in that tag game and then i went to watch joong's entire filmography and then i ended up falling into a joongdunk rabbit hole and here we are...
anyway, i have multiple agendas and one of them is turning people into joong fans and dunk fans and joongdunk fans sllksdfd
and my other agenda is getting people to watch mafia the series, bc it's truly a gem of a show!!!!
(speaking of agendas: the only thing that's missing in your message is you telling me that you approve of my fight for a sexy joongdunk vampire bl, like... that would have made the message and the influence of my joong/dunk/joongdunk blogging complete 😂😂😂)
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nudibutch · 7 days
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i was finally able to have the house to myself for a bit today... brought all my dirty dishes out of my room and was able to tidy up a little bit without feeling weird
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loppiopio · 5 months
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i've been sitting on this post for a few days now and it's literally just, me making assumptions about kudos i've noticed on fics lately (particularly aci since i've been checking that fic every week for book club these past few months) and this'll make me seem more insane than i already come off but by this point. how much lower can i go?
just going from top to down as of today.
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[ShibaLee] i know you from your art on here!! tumblr user shibaleeart i'm happy to see more people in potentially enjoying the stories this fandom has to offer :>
[reiscm] shizuchansmilk?? what are youuu doing here? i didn't know you read shizaya fic tbh and i was surprised to see you here suddenly, relatively recently too. does that mean you just started the fic then?? after at least a year of being in the fandom right? maybe this wasn't from your first time reading it (same) but at the very least it shows you visited it not too long ago… i may be delusional in thinking i could be a contributing factor there because, why now? it's not like i'm the only aci advocate out there but i've probably been the most vocal about it around this time soo… well whatever it is, hope you had fun with it! i'm so curious what drrr comedian shizuchansmilk thinks about hit fanfiction a cheap imitation 👁️
i'm also recognising some of the other names around here like [anonymooose] and [durarasaiki] even though i haven't the faintest idea who they might be. i've just been seeing them lately across different shizaya fics which probably means these are the people doing their shizaya fic dive around this time. i have nothing more to add there i just, think it's cool noticing the same names across fics like yeah, we all feasting on the shizaya tag rn.
[ya_boi_twink] it took me a second to recall where i'd recognised your name from and then it hit me. i knoooow you! tumblr user yaboitwink in my notifs… i appreciate you, and i'm glad you liked the things i made for it c:
[bun_o_ween] oh i know you're here because of mr crapo. i hope you guys had fun with it! i wanna take the chance to also admit that like. the moment i found out you were that sebastian writer i experienced the wildest sense of deja vu. because. i had seen your name on ao3 before. but when i checked your fics there was no way i'd read a fic from you?? so then i realised i must have recognised you... through other kudos on other fics??? dude. i must sound crazy, i have no way of proving this because i actually don't remember what fics these were i just vaguely remember it was either bsd or tgcf? that i was looking at fics for, trying to find something to sate my hunger at the time. and i just remember, noticing your name across like a few of these fics in a row and thinking "heh someone else has been going down the same rabbit hole" AND NOW I SEE YOU AND CRAPO OF SHIZAYA FANDOM HITTING IT OFF it was surreal. like. my awareness of you had zero to do with black butler, i could not have predicted that you would have been the random ao3 user i'd seen apparently enjoying some of the same fics i was not too long ago. wow.
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there are like two separate flamingo related names around here [niceflamingo] and [flamingoo] which doesn't mean anything but for some reason they are standing out enough for me to want to mention them. i feel like i've seen ao3 user flamingoo in the kudos of some other fic before but idk.
[Luzki] omg hey!! twitter artist vi_138_ woah hiii funny seeing you here :0 especially like. not so long ago? since i'd imagined you would've been aware of the fandom for a while since you seem more invested in the alts than shizuo and izaya in particular? well it was cool seeing that you'd read this one, i hope ya had fun!
[frogsarefriends] right under that is artist hallucxnating >:O i know they've read the fic already but it was cool to actually recognise their kudo down here, especially since it's like. not recognisable just from the name alone, but you've shared links to this ao3 as your writing so now i know it's you. my impression is that you came into the fandom through slavhew since, i'd connected the dots at some point that you two were friends which. made a lot of sense since i noticed you both started being active around here at the same time lol. but hey!! welcome to the club :D
[7FlyingPancakes7] this is one of the ones i'd noticed earlier on during book club, i distinctly remember checking a chapter while walking home one night (because i do that i guess) then BAM what the hell?? i just see tumblr user mari-lair's ao3 appear down there, totally out of nowhere for me. for context this was a writer from the tpn fandom i recognise from like 4 years ago? idk it's been a while, i didn't talk to them much but they were active in the fandom at the time so i'm familiar with their name. i haven't been keeping up with them but last i'd seen they seemed to be into tbhk with no indication as far as i was aware that they'd shown any interest in shizaya. nothing wrong with that it was just unexpected, so i was just like woah!! how did you get here? i am so curious how they may have come across this fic, was it some rec from a friend? how familiar are they with shizaya? how invested were they in the story and characters? enough to go down more of shizaya's greatest hits? anyways, that was just a fun little small world moment for me.
[psych0tastic] hey isn't this…. axietoh? like, the artist who used to draw shizaya like 5 years ago? what are they doing here so high up the list? 🤔 i have no clue lol i still follow them because i really like their art style but i hadn't noticed their interest in shizaya resurfacing... i suppose they just haven't been too active on these socials in general. anyways their name stood out to me and i was like, wait….. well it's a shocker seeing their name so high up here, were they reading this fic for the first time there or were they revisiting it and happened to have not kudo'd it until then? well anyways, it's nice to see they've revisted the fic within the last two years at least :0 that's cool to me.
[MiyukiWynter] dude i was feeling crazy just now trying to figure out where i'd recognised this name from because i'd swwooooorn i'd seen it from somewhere like as someone on twitter?? i think i was mixing them up in my mind with unrelated (as far as i'm aware) twitter user miiyankhr but turns out they're someone who's fics i've seen in the tags before. i haven't read them myself but apparently they just posted a new one two days ago so that's crazy.
[Dodomka] heyyy it's dodo from twitter, hellooo 👋 they've been the biggest supporter for my deep in the sauce fic tweets and for that i appreciate them very much :3 didn't expect to see them here tbh i wasn't aware of when they'd first read the fic but as i was expanding the list a few times to write up this post i noticed their name here and just thought that was neat. shout-out to them!
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[mochi010] there's a user named mochi that has shown up in my twitter notifs somewhat regularly and they have nothing on their account so i have zero clue what they might be like outside from that they've been liking my shizuo and izaya retweets. their handle isn't even mochi so i have very little reason to believe this could be them but idk, maybe? no conclusion has been made here. well i already spent time writing and cleaning up the paragraph, guess i'm leaving it in.
shout-out to [ouiouipussay] and [ramenflavorpacketsnorter420] just for having some names that stand out lol. i don't recognise you from anywhere but, i guess now i will if i ever come across those names again.
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[Stupidusernamepolicy] i struggled to find you amidst all these names for the writing of this post 💀 had to ctrl+f that shit. but i remember seeing your name here while i was going through the list some days before and being like "oh hey!! it's slavhew :)" but okay there's actually a tangent i've been wanting to go on from here.
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outside of aci i've actually been noticing you and hallucxnating double duo'ing under some fics together, like after the story era which i'd reread after hallu reminded me of its existence in a reply, and also sacramental which i had reread because of your reply, lol. i find this quite funny, just like. this visual representation of you two reading and recommending fics with each other. then you talk about it on twitter and more people like me are visiting this fic too. chain reaction of sharing stories :)
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ALSO [anonymooose] and [durarasaiki] spotted down here in some of these kudos too!! that's craazy. wow. i tell you guys i'm recognising these names i'm not just crazy 😭
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[NotElectricT] this took me a second to dig up again since it's quite buried down that list at this point but the plan i'd had in mind for this post was to end on this one since i saw them kudo it right in front of me (through the vc stream) and i didn't think this post would get as long as it did but... well i already wrote it 😬 but yeah, this is my good friend note! check out this art they made for, still one of their favourite chapters, sharks fly. it's sandwiched in between some squid game au they made for a gift exchange for me..... it's a long story i don't wanna talk about it (embarrassing......)
but what i do wanna talk about!! is how note (referred to as "patient zero" regarding aci book club by the only other patient lol) just decided to read this fic completely of their own volition?? i didn't tell them to do that and for sure didn't expect them of all people to try reading it, ever (they're not really a fic reader) but they just did that, two years ago. and that was like, insane to me at the time because it's seriously so out of their depth guys they don't do enemies to lovers.... they still don't lol. but i was insane about this fic back then with no one to really be insane about it to so i just yelled about it to these friends out of context and i guess???? that was convincing enough to get this one to start the longest fic they'd ever read 💀
i had much fun having someone experience the fic i'd been insane over..... like i'm smiling about it rn thinking about the time i did a live reading of the chainsaw man (as i like to call him) chapter which was so fun i kinda forgot i had a hamilton musical i was supposed to watch that evening... that was awkward. and other chats we exchanged regarding the fic (they were reading chapters whenever they felt like it which i enjoyed because i like pacing these things out) but for some reason (i think things just happened around the time that disrupted the momentum) they never made it past chapter 26 😔 which was tragic to me but oh well....
well i'm am even more insane about this fic now because of this convoluted chain of events that gradually built and cascaded me towards whatever the fuck i'm doing now!! god. i've never made so much, anything, like ever. until now. because both note and rosa (who has not kudo'd this fic as far as i'm aware lol) made the decision beyond my expectations to commit to, a book club. which i organised. and i've been having a lot of fun! so much fun, there's all this wild "marketing" stuff i've been churning out in record fucking time by my standards. i've never felt so creatively fulfilled dude, never finished a thing in my life until these past few months. so that's awesome, and it's in large part because of note having committed to this fic again. so that's some of the story behind that one kudo haha.
and now we're at chapter 49, we're supposed to be talking about it tomorrow, which is today by now since it's 1 am but uhhhhhhh writing is so hard. i was supposed to just be cleaning up this draft i'd written like 5 days ago? i am now very hungry. there's actually more i'd drafted up from here just from more names i recognised as i kept expanding the kudo list that day buuuut i'm fuckeeeen cutting this off right here. i need to stop. the end.
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illgiveyouahint · 4 months
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Shiro-san looks so good in this dark blue shirt he started wearing
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fantabulisticity · 7 months
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I'M GETTING MY NIPPLES PIERCED THIS FRIDAY
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francy-sketches · 9 months
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spent the last 3 days binging yellowjackets and I can't tell if I like it or not
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@nobody33333333, I finally did it!!!
Alrighty, it has taken me ages to get around to finishing all of this, because of unfortunately unavoidable things, but I am done with the semester now and so ready to spew all of my thoughts on the unsuspecting audience of poor people who follow me.
So, without further ado, I present:
Sophie's Unhinged and Excessively Hyperactive Word-Vomit "Review" of Chapter 11 of S.O.S.
Ooooh, Curtain’s evil villain motivations for tipping the boys off balance is so sinister. It’s interesting, because he is using the same tactics he used on/around Nicholas when they were children. Just. The narrative parallels.
Garrison!!
She’s so funny. Even with all she’s been through, she sees right through Curtain to his theater kid core.
(It’s still really sad, though, because she doesn’t get why he’s trying to get her opinion and he keeps forcing her)
“For someone who was fine bypassing ethical standards to rush their timeline, Curtain still put a ridiculous amount of effort into aesthetics. Not that any of this would matter if his new messengers didn’t adapt to The Whisperer.” It just hits so hard, for some reason. Maybe because you can really understand the difference of perspective between her and Curtain.
Oh!! “psychics or telepaths”, we’re getting somewhere!
It makes a lot of sense that the Whisperer tech would pick that kind of thing up!! That’s so clever, and very much something Garrison would take into account. You are so good at putting these little details into it that give the story so much more dimension and open up a lot more paths for the characters to take.
Lindsey!!! Lindsey gets a part and can do things!! I’m so excited for her :) 
Aaaaand she’s got a crush on Isaac. I can’t believe you’ve gotten me extremely invested in this as soon as I got to that line. She’s so sweet, though! I’m excited to see more of her.
And you can tell Garrison is trying to be nice, even though she’s having a breakdown fifty percent of the time and doesn’t really want to deal with teenagers.
It cracks me up that they made a full model of Reynie. Why. Just, why. Did he leave some of his clothes behind? I feel like it would have been better to make one of Kate. You can’t tell me they looked at Madge and went “Yes. I am certain that Reynie, our resident soft-hearted child who’d probably cry if he saw this bird eat a live mouse, he is the one who will be most in-tune with this child. Not Kate, no. There’s no way that the girl who was raised by a circus would be the one who will volunteer to handle the actual falcon we’re about to send to them”
I’m so proud of Number Two for breaking Madge out of a terrible zoo. 10/10 No Comments, one of the best plot points I’ve seen.
Also, this Madge perspective is so cool! Omniscient narrators don’t always remember that they can do anything, but this was a fantastic usage of it.
She’s trying so hard. Madge has made no mistakes ever she’s beautiful.
MISS PERUMAL YEAH
““Oh, Hello.�� replied Nicholas awkwardly, hoping that this woman, who clearly cared about Reynie, wouldn’t notice the newly destroyed dummy that happened to be wearing one of his sweater vests.” Ajasdjgadskjl What even. He’s so silly, but that is certainly not a situation you want to be in with Miss Perumal.
I’ve said it before, but the little descriptions and dialogue tags you add to the lines from the show are so good!!! Just tiny things, like calling her “the woman” and then immediately switching to “Dipika” when she introduces herself make it so incredibly amazing. You don’t have to worry at all about it being “boring” or “redundant” because people have already seen the show.
And now we’re sad again because of Milligan. I love him but he is so full of melancholy right now :( 
I love how you’ve been incorporating Mr. Benedict’s tendency to just adopt every single child into Curtain’s character. He may not be going about it properly, or for the right reasons, but he’s just as inclined to take in (abduct) children as his brother.
Isaac cameo!!
The details in how you explain all of the tech, from the Whisperer to the Waiting Room, is ingenious and thrilling to read and I am loving it!!
It just repeats people’s thoughts!! It’s not really like an AI, more of an echo chamber that can project into people’s minds, that is so neat!
Of course, Reynie is able to distance himself by thinking about Miss Perumal, that is such a good paragraph.
And the Curtain/Nicholas parallels are back again!! He’s such a contradiction; He misses his brother and wants him back, but he also can’t stand when things remind him of Nicholas. Oh boy this man needs so much therapy goodness gracious.
Good job, Reynie for being cautious!!
Oh. Oh no this is one of my least favourite bits it’s just so awkward aaahhhhhhh
“The first thing Number Two had done was quickly search Miss. Perumal’s bags for weapons, which was fine with Dipika, since she knew that Number Two wouldn’t find anything (no one ever did).” This is why she’s one of the best characters ever. I did really like the book version, of course, but I also love the way they changed her into Pink Biker Vigilante Mom.
AAAHHHH YOUR WAY OF DESCRIBING HER THOUGHTS IS SO COOL. “Dipika Perumal had met people who wanted to hurt children. She had met people who hated children, who even enjoyed hurting them. She knew what that looked like in a person, you could see it in their faces. And she could see that Mr. Benedict and his companions were not those people. But just because they didn’t enjoy hurting children didn’t mean they wouldn’t use them, and it didn’t mean they weren’t up to anything nefarious.” YES. OH MY WORD SO GOOD.
Also Mr. Benedict being like “Yes, if I tell this lady that my recently discovered twin brother is behind all of this, it will definitely give me credibility. This is the best option”
There’s something about Number Two fixating on the food as a way to enter the conversation/be sure that if something goes wrong she’ll be there that rings very true to me. She anxious about this, and she wants to protect Mr. Benedict and exert some kind of control because she couldn’t keep the house from being broken into and now they’re in the woods and she can’t keep Rhonda from wanting to quit and she couldn’t keep Miss Perumal from finding them and the only thing she can control right now is the stuff she makes with her own hands and she’s scared that she’s falling behind because of all her failures and you can feel that she just needs to do something. You do a good job of portraying that.
CAN YOU PLEASE STOP MAKING ME CRY OVER THESE CHARACTERS????? FOR FIVE SECONDS???? OH MY WORD
And poor Sticky is ashamed of admitting that he’s afraid of not being wanted, like he thinks he isn’t even worth being upset about how he’s been treated.
It’s been kind of intriguing to see Curtain’s feelings about Reynie and Sticky slowly switch.
And now we’re back to Mr. Benedict’s questionable attempts to explain himself. Why on earth would she need background for the information you just dropped on her about your brother? That certainly wasn’t something to be expected.
AKJFshad;asdfg Number Two just casually going “He’s narcoleptic, it’s fine. Please continue to enjoy your food” and the way you write Miss Perumal’s reaction!! She’s so baffled but she adapts, as she does.
Oh goodness, she thinks he’s crazy. I feel so bad for him because he’s had such awful experiences with that, but also from her perspective it’s totally justified.
I love how she initially was trying to be nice and not trigger him but immediately forgoes this to yell at him about sending children into an underground secret tunnel.
HILDEGARD
NO, OH, HILDEGARD. Sad :( 
“Garrison tried to believe that it was for the best. The helpers were happy at the Institute, which was more than she could say for herself.” Please, I will bake you muffins if you stop destroying me like this :((((
AND SHE KNOWS. SHE KNOWS THAT SHE’S HURT PEOPLE (And herself) IN THE PAST. BUT SHE CAN’T REMEMBER.
Oh my. He feels so guilty about how they might have hurt Milligan. And he’s so alone in that.
AND SHE KNOWS. SHE KNOWS THAT SHE’S HURT PEOPLE (And herself) IN THE PAST. BUT SHE CAN’T REMEMBER.
Oh my. He feels so guilty about how they might have hurt Milligan. And he’s so alone in that.
She knows!! She sees the button and that whole paragraph looking into how she feels about the situation and how she fought Curtain to avoid brainsweeping the children is bone-chilling I don’t know how you managed to make us feel that way when I know what’s going to happen it’s nuts how good at this you are.
Their decaying dynamic is driving me up a wall. She doesn’t get why Curtain cares about her, but she’s using it to her advantage, all the while Curtain’s still manipulating her, but he’s trying to do it in the least malicious way possible. (And he’s failing)
“the shock of Curtain realizing the situation she was imagining. A world where they were actually held accountable for what they were doing.”
Garrison’s little dive into Curtain’s weird delusions is very interesting. He really is unsettling, because he isn’t some mastermind who spends all his time distracting people from his real intentions, he’s spending just as much time trying to convince himself of what he’s telling others that he can’t see clearly anymore.
I really appreciate how you give Miss Perumal her own opinions and personality, but you keep her thoughts directed at Reynie. That’s a tough balance.
The narrative tension in the details of how Dipika leaves thinking that Mr. B and Co aren’t intentionally hurting people, but should be stopped nonetheless, and she doesn’t see how badly she’s shaken him is so good!!
More Perumal backstory!!!
SQ!!!!
Oh, this is one of my favourite scenes in the show, just for the lines and the mirror shots and everything, I’m so excited to see your take
Aw yeah, this is brilliant.
Let him go to college!!!! Let him do the things!! Let him do his art!!!
He wants his dad to be proud!! He’s trying so hard to frame it positively, but Curtain’s a wacko and he isn’t going to let him :( 
Let him have his confidence!! He could so definitely do it, I’m so sad :(
Garrison: “Hmm, I’m going to have a look at my readings, so I can maybe hypothesise about how I could possibly find the child” The Readings: “She was in your lab, you weirdo”
Wait. WHAT????? WHAT IS THIS, BODS????? EXCUSE ME???? I MEAN, I KNOW THIS FIC IS AMAZING AND I LOVE IT BUT WHAT????? I DIDN’T EXPECT THAT TO COME OUT OF NOWHERE AND HIT ME LIKE A TON OF BRICKS
Please don’t go and put your liver in jeopardy again, Doc. I don’t think anyone can take much more of that.
AJKSFhakjsgh You always manage to come swinging out of the blue with your chapter conclusions. Goodness. I think I need to go sit down, but I still have another chapter to read and I don’t know if I can wait!!
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twilightarcade · 3 months
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man .
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astro-inthestars · 1 year
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Hi guess who feels like he just experienced 8 consecutive days in a matter of 2?
#rennikorambles#holy fuHUCK I AM SO EXHAUSTED. I AM LITERALLY EXHAUSTED#I WOULDNT BE SURPRISED IF I SAY THIS MIGHT BE THE MOST EXHAUSTING TWO DAYS OF MY FUCKING EXISTENCE...#yesterday in class our very first subject was our advisory one and since the cheer dance has been crucial we just went down to practice#great straining start to the day! (i do like our cheer dance though i think we'll beat the other sections but MAN IS IT TIRING.)#and then i had to go over to the avr to get prized and shit for winning 1st place on the spelling bee(it was nothing dont even care abt it)#and then after that immediately had to go down (since this was the end of class) and practice AGAIN for 2 more hours#good god and thats friday for you#and im pretty sure this was when i discovered that my brother (who usually goes home at 4 and my practice ended then)#had left me behind and gone home already. and like usually whenever i have practice and end at 4 we just go home w#*together#but. yeah. that didnt have me feeling good but it was okay#and when i was ready to pass out hoHOH NOO NONO#my aunt decided hey! we should celebrate your wonderful high grades by going out together (me my brother and my cousin) and h#have a sleepover! and we were just. sure ok. so we had to pack IMMEDIATELY and get on going#more stuff and more waiting in traffic happened and shit and more shit#and then we got to the street mall and hogh boy MORE WALKING. but i love the place so i didnt mind (still walking though. haugh)#and then ate at a place ive never eaten at. i liked the food really! but then my stomach decided death for me#(apparently eating dinner 9 hours after lunch isnt good..?) so the rest of the time my stomach was squeezing and i felt like throwing up#but it was fine i didnt throw up! AND THEN ALSO I FAILED TO MENTION. My class paid to reserve 4 hours at a court to practice#which was at 10 am the next day. so i had to sleep early which i did! woke up at 7 <3 watched enola holmes....#bUT I STILL GOT SO FUCKING LATE I ARRIVED AT 11. didnt even get to savor the sleepover haugh..... and then practice OH practice. sufferings#after a whole problem with a bunch of idiots at the court that barged in we decided to cut the practice at 12:30#i got picked up by my parents then we went home! .BUT ITS NOT OVER YET. WE HAD TO BRING OUR HOUSEHELP TO HER HOUSE#and they said it'd be quick. just a quick drop off to help her.#bUT NOOOOO WE WENT TO THE FILIPINO EQUIVALENT OF COSTCO AND THEN AN AMUSEMENT PARK#WHICH WAS SO COOL OH MY FUCK BUT ALSO HOLY SHIT.#first of all i got to finally try the Vikings ride and a roller coaster! good news i can handle roller coasters!#bad news i cannot handle vikings. theyre.... overwhelming- i couldnt even SCREAM from how scared i was#anyways i roamed phil costco it was so fun. but my poor feet. i have sustained 5 different kinds of body pain.
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you’ll always be my favorite ghost - Big God, by Florence + The Machine
[Image description: Lineless digital painting of Ford kneeling in front of the stone statue of Bill, hugging it and crying. He is in the woods, surrounded by birch trees, with beams yellow light streaming down from the treetops. The grass around Ford is shaded to be reminiscent of the shape of the portal.]
#original art#billford#god I havent drawn in ages let alone lineless art#i dont know how to draw tears or anatomy at All#I looked up 'man hugging dog' to find a good hugging-while-kneeling reference image.#sometimes you gotta say fuck it and draw the thing before the idea of it eats you alive#i'm writing a fic about ford confronting the statue. the feelings are just so Complicated#he is so angry and relieved and exhausted.#angry at everything bill did. angry that hes gone forever. angry at himself for spending any energy on thinking about bill#most of all angry at himself for missing bill. he doesnt even Miss Bill#he just misses the version of bill that he thought he knew pre-betrayal. but that doesnt make the complicated feelings any less real#i imagine he would avoid the statue for a long long time and then one day accidentally walk past it#and feel a ton of repressed feelings bubbling to the surface#and he would want to kick the statue or run away or yell at it but all of those feel so silly to do to a statue. basically a gravestone#so he ends up hugging it and feeling like an idiot for hugging it but he just has to sob for a little while#sometimes you gotta cling to the tombstone of your horrible toxic ex and sob about how much you miss them#and sob about how bitter and angry and lost and Tired you feel. there will Never be any Resolution. he's just. Gone Forever#i can picture him laughing through the sobs and muttering 'we'll meet again huh. as if.'#'i never want to see you again you asshole. and having the chance to meet again would be too good to be true.'#he's just So Heartbroken about it all. and he wishes he could get some kind of closure or something. but there IS none.#even if bill came back what would he say? nothing new. He would keep feeling no remorse about any of it. he would keep being horrible.#ford is kinda mourning the final tiny little irrational ray of hope in him that got crushed when bill died.#the irrational hope that maybe bill Could end up regretting what he did and become better and then he could have his best friend back.#the irrational hope that the betrayal was all just a bad dream and any second now he will wake up and bill will be benevolent and good#none of these feelings are things that ford can admit to himself. not even all these decades later.#but it Does Something To You to see your ex-closest-friend's tombstone!!#regardless of how deep and terrible the betrayal was.#ford so badly wishes he could stop having any kind of feelings about bill anymore. especially the lingering remains of fond feelings#but i dont know if those feelings even Can be completely gotten rid of. hes stuck with the knowledge that he feels upset about bills death.#and he hates it. he hates feeling upset about the death of an evil dream demon who tried to destroy his family and his dimension.
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