#i want a job i dont hate and an apartment and a dog and a husband (lol hopefully well see if i ever find someone wholl fall in love w me)

[dragons-and-yellow-roses]

Lately I've been going to bed around 4-6am and I have to wake up at 9am every day so I've only been getting 3-5 hours of sleep, but last night I went to bed at 2am so maybe I wouldn't feel like shit the next day, but I woke up at 6am and could not fall back asleep because I feel wide awake. My body hates me and doesn't want me to ever have more than five hours of sleep I guess

[isildheir]

Honestly, my abuser saying Louis was just as bad as Lestat or basically implying they hate how people write Lestat off as more abusive than he is or that Louis was just as abusive was a red flag I should've put a lot more stock into.

[computerpeople]

living with schizophrenia always feels like you're different then people, in not an inherently negative or positive way but that you're some sort of species distant from humanhood. you see the things people don't, you hear things people don't, you're able to piece together things others aren't. that's the biggest thing, the connections i experience vs the connections others experience. its hard not to end up sounding pretentious when talking to other people because you just know they aren't seeing all of the connective wires behind the screen like you are.

[morningstarbee]

okay but imagine being will graham. you've always been kind of socially awkward and weird. your mom left before you were old enough to remember her and your dad was a drunk. you spent your entire childhood hopping from place to place, mostly boatyards and trailer parks. you've never really had any real friends. people find you weird and off-putting and you've decided to enjoy the company of dogs instead. the people who dont find you weird find you useful instead, which is almost worse.

then one day you meet this guy. you dont like him at first, you dont like psychiatrists. they always want to study you. but you slowly realize his interest in you is genuine. he brings you breakfast and makes you laugh. he finds your abilities impressive and sees you as competent and dangerous. he never flinches away from your more violent thoughts and desires. he never makes you feel like a freak. he keeps trying to include you in his world, even though you feel out of place and unworthy. when your job is starting to wear you down and your boss urges you not to quit because you save lives, he says "What about your life? Im your friend, will. i dont care about the lives you save i care about your life." And no one's ever said that to you before. And when everything starts falling apart around you, you go to him because you trust him. You need to trust him.

And when you realize that he has been the one orchestrating your downfall, that he's the one who has been betraying you this whole time, it fucking hurts. and you're angry. you're so fucking angry. and you hate him. because you hate yourself. and you've always hated yourself and you thought maybe he loved you.

[cherubispunk]

BARK! BITE! BLEED! (PART I) - FWB!Frankie Morales x AFAB!Reader

summary: being without is always easier when you don't know what it is to be 'with'.

a note from Lucy: heyyyy! hows it going? yes...im back with another series. Those of you waiting for cherub, its coming. I promise. hand over my heart and the other on the bible. but words have a funny habit of not wording so...tale please take the humble peace offering of slutty fwb!frankie and please dont bite my fingers off.

playlist | moodboard

wc: 5742 Warnings: 18+ MDNI! no use of y/n, slight noncon voyeurism, thin appartment walls, mentions of cheating, obsessive behaviour, frankie is obsessed and it is very unhealthy, toxic relationships, heavy religious imagry (come on, is this even a surpise when it comes to my writing?), age gap but not bombastic sorry chloe (reader is 21, Frankie is 27) - though not mentioned in this part, graphic smut, could be considered dubcon, oral (f receiving), unprotected p in v sex (do i need to spell it out to you not to do this?), creampie, biting, its not vore!!!! but there is something inherrently sexual in the themes of metaphorical consumption, softdom!frankie, scratching, gore imagry in the sense of a hunter prey type of thing? More of lu being dell, batshit insane, blurting words onto a google doc and praying ot makes ense when being blasted out into the void.

series m.list | m.list

“At the end of the day, a dog that’s all bark and no bite is merely a bitch. True power lies in those who don't just bare their teeth, but make you bleed when they sink in.”

Frankie was a quiet man. He would always keep to himself. Never usually stuck his nose in anyone's business unless it was for their own good. Stayed in the four walls of his own apartment he rented close to the barracks. He’d made one friend in the entire complex. You. His next-door neighbour. The only thing he knew before prying was your last name on the buzzer out front. From there it was waiting. And watching. Frankie had an obsession with observing you from his kitchen window every time you came home from work at the bar. Stood in the shroud of shadow and sheer curtain. He dug his claws in and clung to each passing conversation in the hallway, or the laundromat down the street whenever coincidence let you pop up there too. Stored each part of you that you trusted him with in his mind for safekeeping. Often caught himself staring at a particular pair of red lace panties whenever you did your laundry. 

There was one small, tiny little problem in all of this, however. Lisa. He supposed he should thank her really, because without her, he would have never moved out of the barracks in the hope of starting a life for them. He would have never met you. It was convenient, reasonably priced and he could excuse poor plumbing and heating for the fact it was close enough to his work that he didn't have to wake up any earlier than 5:30. But Lisa…oh, Lisa was Machiavelian. A conniving woman, with her heart set in thick ice, and a cold, unforgiving grip over what was hers. It made him wonder what he saw in her in the first place. Maybe he was blinded to everything but the curve of her face, or the pout of her mouth and the pant of his name as it passed her parted lips. Or there was some morbid fascination he had with her teeth as they bared to his skin and bit down. Tearing him to shreds. Either way, there was something to live for when being ripped apart by her. Something to distract from the sounds of pleasure that seeped through paper thin walls at night. Your pleasure. At the hands of a man he felt nothing compared to and knew nothing about. So he’d roll over and fuck out his frustration on the woman he hated but chose to stay with until she left him for another.  

Another day, another ache. Another pain cramping in his lower back as Frankie inched closer to thirty and still no happier. Twenty-seven, a stable-ish job…and what else in life to show for it? He was bitter. In no place to want the company of another unless only for the night. Except tonight he was alone again, pressing his key into the lock, twisting it open, closing the door behind him. And then waiting…listening. Anticipating the drag of his hand south over the plane of his abdomen to under his boxers where he’d tease himself to the sound of you with another man. The pretty whimpers you’d let slip under the weight of another man's skin and bone, and the pleasure flooding the gaps of your synapses. 

Only this time there were no cries for more. No whimpers, or moans. No. These sounds were shouts. And anger ignited you as you rampaged through your apartment on the other side of the wall, getting dressed as Mark, the man you’d wasted months on, chased after you in pursuit of your forgiveness. 

“Who do you think I am?’ Frankie heard through the wall, pressing his ear to cold plaster with bated breath. Your voice was shrill, seething with the intent to carve into Mark’s skin with an onslaught of verbal mutilation. Have the words mark him with bleeding, weeping shame. “No, really? You think I’d never figure it out, Mark? Am I naïve to you?” 

He slipped out of bed with careful stealth: Followed the sound of your voice through the wall, walking with his ear pressed to it before the sound of your front door opening made him jump, stepping back for a second. He blinked, once, twice…then raised his hands to plaster again and leaned closer, ears straining to hear what was now distance shrieking from the hallway outside. Which he followed to his front door. Listening intently behind the wood.

As he held his breath until his lungs burned in his chest, something flared up in Frankie. A desperate, wanting, starving need to swoop in. Be your knight in shining armour. The words were stuck in his throat, and if he wasn’t careful, they would choke him blue. But if he knew even a shred about you, it was that you’d hate that just as much as whatever it was Mark had done to you to have you tossing him out in the early evening. You were a private person. A woman who never appreciated prying ears or eyes. You avoided all his questions about your past whenever he asked. Swerved him off topic and into the hedgerow before he had a chance to blink and realise he had the backhand of whiplash. And if he let it slip once that the walls were thin, there was no telling where your quick mind would jump to next. Frankie never knew why or what made you so guarded. But he imagined one day you bit the hand of god and he stopped feeding you. 

Frankie’s heart was thumping to the beat of his anxiety in his throat, making it harder to swallow the lump it formed, clammy palms pressed to the cool wood with the rest of him. 

“You’re a sick man!” He heard, followed by a thumping of something being thrown, then a yelp out of Mark as Frankie guessed he was dodging whatever it was you threw his way. Shoes, maybe? Something else? “A coward! So get out. Don't call. Don’t come knocking. And tell your fucking wife!” 

A shuffling of ashamed feet. A slam of your front door. Clattering around behind shared walls. Then silence. 

It was five minutes of silence. But it felt like the seconds within those intervals were put on the rack and stretched in torture. Five minutes that he should have used to step back from his door but didn't. He just prayed there was more of you to have to himself for a second. 

Then the descent of knuckles came beating down on his door. Causing his heart to jolt out in his chest then plummet into his stomach. Twisting his insides into knots that made him sick with intrigue. He took a step back. And a breath. Then waited a second before opening the door to find you stood there in a silly little lace hemmed tank top and sleep shorts. Your hair dishevelled and cheeks flushed. He opened his mouth to speak, but found the words stuck to the backs of his teeth and the roof of his mouth like soggy, claggy toffee. So he shut up, grateful you cut him off first. 

“We’re having a bonfire. So whatever shit Lisa left here, bring it with you. My door will be open. I’ll be on my balcony.” And you left him with nothing but that. Stomping back down the hall in a flurry of your anger. 

Frankie stood there, feet practically glued to the floor, fingers curling in on his palms as his blunt nails pressed into already calloused flesh. And an image of you, teeth bared to him like Lisa’s once were, appeared in his mind. An apparition of hurt, torment and his own vulnerability. But it was too late. His feet moved before his mind could and he was already collecting the things of his ex-girlfriend who had wronged him time and time again, stuffing them into his arms in a bundle of broken memory, anguish and lingering hurt. 

He found you standing by a metal bin of a man's belongings. The odd t-shirt, pictures of your face next to his, smiles happy and bright with the joy of a relationship you never expected to cave in. In your hand was a packet of cigarettes you'd told him in the passing of a hallway’s conversation that you’d quit, but evidently not. And a crumpled, misshapen box of matches. In the other was a bottle of Whiskey. The brand Mark insisted on liking and you’d bought him for a birthday present. A present he’d never receive because he was as dead to you as the day was long. 

“I thought you quit.” He said, trying to start a conversation that hit a dead end pitifully quickly. 

“Toss it on.” You mumbled dismissively with a jerk of your head to the pile, eyes glued to Mark’s belongings, washing down your bitter words with an even more bitter swig of drink. 

Frankie complied wordlessly from there, dumping the contents of his arms on top of the photos and clothes, stepping back while you poured a generous amount of the liquor on top. A seasoning of fuck you not farewell to the people you’d shared your life with and would thankfully never cross paths with again. He took the bottle from you when you pressed it into his chest, taking a drink and grimacing at the taste. It wasn't smooth. It was almost sour, with a kickback that burned too much to be pleasurable as it passed down the column of his throat in a thick swallow. His thoughts trickled in from there as he read the label and glanced at you. He wanted to get you drunk. Get you to slip up. Let yourself be taken for once.

You both watched, deadfaced, as you struck a match, used it to light a cigarette and then tossed it in the bin as memories curled up under heat. The alcohol setting the blaze up in a satisfying roar of good riddance. 

He thought it was a little strange. How you’d come to him. Yes, you were friends. But the type of friend that only ever conversed between life events. In the empty limbo of hallways and laundromats. Not burning things on your balcony in the hope the heat will melt your heart back together, It was a little late for that. Stone doesn’t melt. And the two of you had hearts of set concrete from the turn of events you’d experienced. Encased in the cage of bone that would no longer open to another unless broken in two and forced apart. So you slid down the brick wall, knees bent to your chest while you smoked. The flame flickering a violent xanthous, ochre and scarlet. 

He joined you on the floor, passing back the bottle. The two of you side by side, and it only just occurred to Frankie how lonely he was now. But how terrified of intimacy he was. Intimacy of a level deeper than skin/ The both of you wordless, silent as the decaying dead of night. Only the crackle of fire between you and a sniff for your nose as the evening air nipped it and made it run. So to distract yourself, you condemned your tongue to bad liquor, chasing it with a drag of your cigarette and a grimace,

“God, this is shit.” You scoffed. 

“Not a hard liquor gal?” He chuckled, turning his head to glance at you out the corner of his eyes before the flame had his eyes attention again. 

“More of a wine person, really. But even I can tell this is shit.” And you gestured to the bottle in your hand, reading over the label and sighing. 

“Yeah,” he sighed, inflicting another taste upon himself when he took it out of your grasp. “It is.”

Silence again. Not awkward for you who preferred your own company to others, but for him, who had been watching you begging for an in, it was clawing at his insides like a starved animal would at the walls of its enclosure. 

“So…” He drew out, and you had to bite back an amused smile. 

“What?” 

Frankie found himself staring in trance at your side profile, with the same fascination you honed in on the flickering flame. He thought in silence for a second. Asking himself the same question. 

"How long did you date Mark for?" He asked. The name made him grimace as if it tasted sour in his mouth. Like he had to spit it out with disgust in every syllable for fear of it burning.

"Six months." Another awkward, off beat pause followed as he nodded. Then asked again. 

“Did you love him?”

"No." You said flat out. But your words were honest and brutal to the man you let in then kicked out. 

Frankie found himself suffocating a sigh of relief in his own ribs. They pinched slightly with an attempt of something profound to be felt. Like a child who had stumbled upon a strangely twisted shell at the beach. "Have you ever loved anyone?"

You turned to him, tilting your head. But Frankie couldn't tell if it was annoyance or respect for the bravery he had on asking you such personal questions. "What is this? Keeping Up With The Kardashians?"He held up his hands in quick defence, backing down. 

“I’m just trying to get to know you.”

"There isn't anything to know except for the fact I'm pissed off." You muttered. “And I figured you would be too, considering the argument I heard a couple nights ago through the wall of my kitchen."

Frankie felt his face go pale, then heat up in the apples of his cheeks. "Oh. So you heard that?" The way your cigarette smouldered as you spoke was the only movement on the narrow balcony. So you did know the walls were thin. It made him wonder what else you knew. If you knew how he strained to listen through plaster and drywall each night. 

"Oh, I heard it alright.” You smirked, finding sick pleasure in the way he seemed to squirm. “Something about Lisa finding you...'dull behind the eyes'." Frankie watched as you rolled your eyes and doubled back on your standing in the argument, "If you're going to insult someone, at least be creative about it. ``Give them a good reason to cut it loose." You were like a pendulum to him. But one that spun in clockwise, then anticlockwise circles, instead of oscillating back and forth. Unpredictable in a way that both horrified and intrigued him. 

"Dull?" He had to laugh in disbelief, "I am not dull."

You smiled to yourself at that, leaning your head back against the brickwork. Ready to shatter his lie with a flick of your sharp tongue. "You are dull, Frankie. You get up. Go to work. Come back. You do your laundry every Sunday— and I know that because so do I. Your car is always in the exact same spot next to mine. Without fail. Now, you can put all down to ‘strict military regime’, but the bitter truth is," You looked him in the eye, your cig hanging from your lips as you showed him the satisfied grin pulling at your mouth, "you are dull. We all are. We work, we grind, we cry because we work. You ache to the marrow and you get stabbed in the back. And you're begging on your damn knees to bite the hand that feeds you. But if you do, then you starve.”

Frankie had never had his own fear served to him by such a beautiful devil before. And he wished, with all he had left in him that Lisa hadn’t taken or ruined, that you were wrong. It made him want to cave into himself to protect what little he had left. Snarl like a wounded bitch as he held back from others to lick his wounds. Maybe offer it to you and beg you to take it off his hands. But how could he argue when you were practically holding up a mirror to his own eyes? "I hate that you're right." He said in solemn downcast bereavement. And watched the cloud of smoke float silently in front of your face to obscure the very mouth that let him have it in such careful, exact slicing words. The blade of your knife was sharpened to a paper thin point. Now stained with his body’s red. 

"There are very few things I'm wrong about. Regardless of that, it's a simple formula and easy to understand.”

“And what is it?” He asked, but regretted it for he knew his heart might not be able to take much more. Not that he showed it. This whole exchange his brow hadn’t folded into a single crease. 

“Two things in life are certain: Death. And taxes. You work to pay your taxes, and you die from working."

"That's a pretty pessimistic way of looking at things."

"Life is pessimistic." You shot back with amusement, intently staring in a fixed trance at the pile of burning memories. The last warmth it offered was metaphorically and literally its own destruction. Irony, as Frankie pointed out to himself in his crawling mind. "It crucifies you, and burns you...until you curl in on yourself at the corners and turn to ash." 

The conversation had reached a level of solemnity he hadn’t expected, but he’d be a liar if he didn't admit to sinking his claws in yet again. His teeth might come next if you gave him the sweet chance. 

You were quiet after that. Both of you were. The remnants of a fire that symbolised how Mark was no longer relevant in your life, and neither Lisa in his. If he thought Lisa was machiavellian, the word had new meaning now. But like with her, it drew him in and snared him into blissful trance. It was the type of blind faith you pin to a deity in the sky. The type that you never see but are forced and gaslit into believing because it's shoved down your throat from a young age. You were not his savour. He knew that in the pit of his very existence, the eye of the storm in his gut.

He would be crucified by you. 

“You’re a real ray of sunshine, you know that?”

"Aw." You pouted in mock appreciation, pressing a hand to your chest. "Thank you." 

Frankie afforded himself the pleasure of laughing at that. As cynical as it all was, it was real. You had just dared to say the quiet hushed parts out loud for him to digest. Though he felt like he was choking on it more than swallowing it. Regardless, he pushed it down to find confidence in himself and prod further. 

“You keep doing that.” 

“What?” “That.” Frankie pointed to all of you with a gesture absent of any direction, as if it was obvious. He watched as you tilted your head and scrunched your face a little. That crease in your brow…how it would haunt him in future. He felt like the prey. He was torn between wanting you to hunt him slowly so he could feel something at your hand, agony or not. Or asking you to do it quickly so he doesn't have to pursue through the bitter aftertaste. 

“I’m not following.” 

“You do this thing…where you turn conversations on their head. I feel like I'm getting whiplash.” He forced out a chuckle to make it seem like he was playing through with humour. But his words were genuine under the lace disguise of jest. You really did confuse him. You had his string of thought in knots. Complicated ones. “Why?” 

Your eyes narrowed at the question. “You’re trying to figure me out.” 

“Why shouldn’t i?”

"Because I'm not the distraction you need." You bit, almost like a warning. And Frankie would have listened if he wasn't so hellbent on breaking in. No matter how hostile, how feral, he'd take the time to tame the caged, battered, abused animal. 

“Maybe not.” He agreed, twisting his upper body to face you. It’s important to understand that what Frankie felt wasn’t love. At least, not how he’d experienced it in the past. This was an infatuation birthed by the fruit of lust forbidden to act upon until now. “But you’re the one I want.” With those words came a darkness in his eyes. The kind that reminded you of floods and tempests in biblical art. You were that tempest, with swollen grey clouds and a hammering of thunder ringing in his ears. Laughing as you crashed him onto rocks while he swam helplessly with little energy to the shore. Only to be shoved back with another crushing wave that cut through flesh and met bone with a chill like ice. “Just because we’re sad and miserable, doesn’t mean we have to give up a good time.” His instincts were buried before. Rolling in their grave at the chance to touch you. So he pressed his palms to the lid of the coffin and pushed. Reaching out to trace a delicate line along the angle of your jaw. His eyes were drawn to the soft plush of your lips and how they parted ever so slightly. “I want a distraction, baby.” 

He had you where he wanted you. And the liquor mixing thick with your blood had inhibition slipping through your fingers. His breath was hot on your lips. Needy to be paid attention to.

“Would it be worth my while?” You challenged, ignoring eye contact for now. Instead looking to his lips for the lies. 

“You don’t think I could satisfy you?” He smirked, lifting your chin with a single thick finger curled underneath and the pad of his thumb swiping slowly over your bottom lip. “I’ll do better than anyone else could.”

“Sounds like an awful lot of confidence you have there. At the end of the day, a dog that’s all bark and no bite is just a bitch.” 

Frankie chuckled at that. A deep rumble that rattled the bones that protect the hollow hole in his chest. “Come on…let me have a taste.” 

He didn’t wait for a reply. He took the silence and the glimmer of ‘i dare you’ in your eyes, pressing his lips to yours to consume you. Devour you whole. They took their time in sinking together and suctioning your lower lip into his mouth. Then his tongue dared to venture forward past parted lips to lick into your mouth and taste the backs of your teeth.

First, you let go of trepidation to take a hold of him. The roots of his hair and the back of his neck, fingers curled like talons. After, you let go of all else. The thoughts scratching the back of your skull, the headache that blistered before by the inferno calmed down and you were forced to focus on him alone as he took a handful of your hips and lifted you up to his lap to roll into him like a steady tide. 

You pulled him by the collar of his shirt to your room, clothes left in a scattered flurry along the way. Breadcrumbs to pick up later and either regret or laugh at. He unhinged your jaw to let slip your airy moan as his hands travelled south to meet the seam of your cunt. All else fell into place when he circled your clit with two fingers to start the first loop of the knot in your belly. A warmup for the act of sin, and need, and wanting. Whatever god there was should have never been prayed to in the first place. And Frankie knew it now that he was damned to hell from the first parting of your thighs for his wandering hand. His teeth were ready for sinking as he gathered your legs and hooked them over his shoulders to walk open mouthed, spit decorated kisses down the trunk of your navel. Pressing his nose into your mound. The must of your cunt making his eyes light up as he stared at the bob of your throat when you swallowed sharply. Head rolled back to the pillow. His tongue glided into your folds for the first lick. Making a hot wet stripe of a path from your asshole to your clit. He used the tip of his tongue to circle it and glide lover to curl into your quivering hole. Drawing out the taste. The beckoning gesture of his tongue gathering your taste in his senses. A thumb following suit to roll the bud of your clit under it, his nose clumsy as it bumped into it too. Obsessing over the tang of your arousal, thick in shine over his lips the scruff of his chin.

Your thighs clamped over his ears that were red. The heat made your own skin burn. Dark curls of his hair whispering against their insides as he continued to devour you from the seam. And your orgasm– it burned bright after the first fizzle. Made your eyes scrunch closed as he pulled it from you with hand and tongue. What was used for his words had yours spilling from parted lips like a puppet. A vessel for him to carry pleasure through. It had you toppling over into oblivion. The abyss. 

With bones brittle and hollowed like a bird you were fine to be dead weight as he ascended your body again. Folding you in half with your legs still bent over his shoulders. He traced the jut of your collarbone with the blunt edges of his teeth. How he wished they’d be sharp to sink deeper. But you were grateful as it would be easier for him to not draw blood and see the inside of you ran red like all the others. It was easy to not be human. It was easy to not show emotion and weakness. 

“Feel that?’ he panted against your goosebump pebbled skin, and you nodded. You did. It was the promise to feel desired and not broken. And not maimed beyond repair by another person you let in. Another person you built yourself up to prepare to love, to only have the rug pulled from under your feet and the brickwork clatter to the ground. It was the same promise to him. And the desire that ran thick in his blood made his pulse thrum heavy under its weight. Its intrusion hot under his lust scorched skin.  

“Yeah.” 

“Imma make it go away for you, baby.” he promised with a kiss to the hollow of your throat below its column, between your clavicle. And it was anything but empty. It was full. And round, and swollen with something deeper in his ribs that ached to be let loose. Breathed to fill you too. “I’ll make it all go away.”

His hips pressed flush to yours and the drag of neatly groomed hair sent a shockwave through your clit and up your rattling spine. Vertebrae by vertebrae. Setting off blazing fireworks in your mind for just a second before he started a slow drag. It was a stretch that stung. But pain was comfort if it had pleasure hot on its heels like an obedient dog. Ironic how you feared men like him, who seemed so eager to please and let themselves in uninvited. But you took it willingly this time because you needed to forget for a single second about the heart that bled under flesh and bone in the cage of your ribs. 

His cock was thick, full and curved up into the part of you that you couldn't have reached even if you tried. He slotted into your heat like he was meant to stay there. And that alone made you want to scream for him to give in and not relent so you could be ignorant to the way it seemed divine. The roll of his hips kicked up in pace and soon he was hunched over you. Strong arms rippled with muscle from brutal training since the age of eighteen bracing himself on either side of your head. The feeling of him curling his hips into you made you burn. It sent a tumble of a moan from your lips through the breathless pant of his name. A name he never thought you'd call in the tangle of your sheets. But the burning need to give you what he had wanted all this time ate at him. It ripped the flesh fresh off his bone and left him bleeding into you. 

Frankie’s eyes misted over when the chain that hung from his neck slipped over your chin and you bought the metal of his dog tags between your teeth. Biting down. It feels better biting down anyway. And the cool of the metal on your hot tongue made your head swim. Looking him in his eyes and daring him deeper. So his lips pressed into a firm line, and your nails raked down his back to leave raised red lines in their wake. Tracing new paths over the old map of scar tissue. Marking new land and territory. The air between you hung heavy with the heat of exhales. And blew with the shared moan you indulged in when it coiled in your belly. The cradle of your hips accommodated his cock as it stretched the tightness of your walls. Your slick arousal giving way to fluidity of otherwise rabid motion. Starving.  

When on his tongue, you were alive. Inside you he breathed again with the clutch of your cunt around him. Warm and beating, and thrumming quickly like a hummingbird's wings. A squatter temporarily camped up in the crack between two ribs. Where thick muscle shuddered with breath. You believed something in you was worth loving. But you also knew for it to be found you'd have to be flayed alive. 

The crash of his hips into yours aided in the symphony of sex, and filled the four walls painted but void of personal belongings. If he were on the other side of them he'd be jealous. But now he was here, he was alive. Beating hearted and thriving. And any god, saint, angel or divinity could watch and weep as he finally had what he wanted. What he might have needed in order to restore his humanity that lay dormant for so long. He was trying to crack you open so he could lick up what lay inside you. Gather it up in his arms like the greedy wolf, lambs gore, blood and flesh, between fangs of his lower jaw. Have the muscle pulsing between his teeth. But he wouldn't. So for now he'd settle for the flesh on show. The mound of your panting breast that he pressed into his open mouth. The flat of his tongue pressing greedily to your nipple. Before his lips pinched together and pulled the left pert. Switching to do the same for the right. Not leaving an inch of you untouched. Because he had his chance now. And who knew when he'd get another. So he relished in what he was spared and he would take it with him to the grave. Dream of it on his deathbed if this killed him. Or if something else did. Regardless. This would run through his mind until his last heavy and troubled breath. 

“That's it.” he murmured into your breast. “Take it. Take it, baby. Take me..” 

Your back arched, strung tight like a bow ready to fire. Spine curled up into the heat of his mouth and he bit down again on the swell of your breast. Wanting to take its entire weight into his mouth and have it rot and smear into his tongue. The fizzle of nerve endings reached the tips of your curling toes. The heels of your feet digging into the planes of his scapula to press him closer in the burning of your young orgasm. 

“Come on. Let me see you come.” Frankie demanded in a breathless growl as he stared you down with his eyes.  The hue of his irises almost devoured by black of pupil. Your jaw unhinged to let rip a silent scream. Feeling that sharp coil snap, and a numbness fill your aching core before your toes curl in pleasure. He helped you ride it out with his cock fucking into your tight weeping cunt while you sang out his name in a chorus of moans, whimpers and cries. Letting go utterly as a rush filled you, lighting you up like dry kindling under your skin. The pulsating of your walls around his length had his hips faltering for just a moment, twitching within your sopping cunt. His head fell into the crook of your neck as he let out a deep guttural groan, closing in on skin with teeth again. Spilling inside you, the mix of your slick with his cum painting you white like the searing heat of pleasure between you. He leaves the last of his load with you by fucking it deeper. Three, sharp, punctuated thrusts. 

He lay flat above you while he awaited the comedown from his catharsis. The tingle down his spine sputtered out in a haze of slowburn afterglow. Eyes closed and face buried into the crook of your perspiring neck. Panting together. Hit tongue forgot for a second to shape your name the way it sounded, but with a sharp inhale, the air surged his mind. 

“I suppose this is the part where I leave?” He mumbled, pulling back from your skin. His time had come and ended. The two of you now sat back to the world of hallway and laundromat limbo. He sighed through his nose when you nodded. And he did the same, pressing his lips into a thin line. 

Frankie gathered his clothes up, putting them on slowly one by one. Drawing out the ache of being alone again by lingering in your presence. 

“Come back tomorrow.” You said. Not asked. He nodded, still facing the door. Then twisted the handle and left an empty space in your apartment where he had once been. 

[loveywon]

♡𓂃 MEMORIES !

pairing: ex!sunghoon x gn!reader

wc: 3.5k+

synopsis: it’s hard to turn away a park sunghoon who looks like an abandoned puppy, waiting at your front door, when he is only supposed to be a memory that you wish to forget. ib memories by conan gray

warnings: umm angst haha…, ex’s to errr lovers maybe haha……., cursing, mentions of sunghoon being under the influence, maybe one suggestive joke?? i dont really know, reader is emotional but under good reason, sunghoon isn’t an asshole but he’s selfish, kinda fluff if it makes you feel better, not proofread of course

you’re starting to finally heal. you’re starting to build up your friendships again, becoming more stable in your job, and your relationship with your parents are starting to become healthy! so why are you opening the door, three in the morning, to an obviously drunk and high sunghoon?

you know better than to open the door. you blocked his number, blocked him on every single social media platform you could think of, and cut off all mutual friends you two shared. the sight, the mere thought of anything that could possibly remind you of park sunghoon, makes you want to hurl. you don’t want to be reminded of him, and you were doing exceptionally well. until now, where your shaky hand is reaching for the door knob, well knowing that sunghoon is outside your door. your hand finally meets the door knob, but you don’t turn it. you can’t. you shouldn’t. you bite back a pathetic laugh, your head hanging down in disappointment for yourself. you’re stronger than this, you’re a smart person. but park sunghoon makes you stupid. stupidly in love.

sunghoon can feel your presence on the other side of the door. his forehead meets with the hardwood of your door. the thud breaks you out of your thoughts, a loud and exasperated sigh leaving your lips. you really can’t deal with this, but when you take a small peek through your peephole, you think he looks like a stray wet dog with no owner, just looking for some shelter. you’ve been sunghoon’s shelter long enough, you think, so what’s one more night?

you scoff to yourself, and sunghoon hears it. he plants a hand on your door, softly patting it in his drunken state. “y/n…” he lazily drags out your name. you’ve worked so hard to move on. and you have finally found peace with yourself. are you really about to ruin all your progress? you suppose so when you finally crack open the door. you don’t dare to look at him. you haven’t seen his face, you haven’t even heard his name in months. you really hate yourself for opening the door, but you hate sunghoon even more when you look up to see a sleazy smirk resting on his ridiculously attractive face. you don’t say a word. you grab his wrist, (harshly) pulling him inside your apartment before slamming the door shut. “sit,” you gesture over to the couch. you have a spare room, and sure, you can offer him the room to sleep in for the night. but you’re petty and bitter, so you think he deserves to have back pain when he wakes up the next morning.

sunghoon trudges to your couch, flopping onto it as he did a few months ago. it feels weird to see him in your home, and it’s the same weird feeling when you wouldn’t see your home. you purse your lips as sunghoon rolls around on your loveseat but he abruptly sits up, looking at you dead in the eye. “did you change your couch?” he asks, as if changing the couch offended him (it did). he literally cannot be serious, and judging by the way he looked at you, he was, and it pissed you off even more. you scoff again, shaking your head in disbelief as you walk over to your kitchen. as you pour him a glass of water, you feel sunghoon’s eyes following your every move. “why did you change your couch?” he presses again, but you ignore him again.

he rolls his eyes when you don’t answer him, and for a moment you forgot that he doesn’t like not having answers. “y/n, answer me. why’d you change it?” he’s more firm on his question now, and you almost want to chuck the glass cup filled with water at him. you walk over to him, handing him the glass of water but his eyes only stay on your face, awaiting for your answer. you sigh dramatically, “i swear to god, just drink the water, or i will not hesitate to dump you outside again.” you’re just as firm as him, and you swear you saw his eyebrow twitch in agitation but he takes the glass anyway, downing it in one drink. setting the glass on your coffee table, his eyes harden once more and you already know he’s going to ask you again. he’ll ask and ask until he gets an answer. “y/n–” he starts again, and you feel queasy from hearing his voice. you stand up, turning your back on him. “shut up. i changed it because it didn’t match my apartment furniture. that’s all,” you finally answer him, but both of you know that it is far from the real reason why you changed your couch.

sunghoon spent too much time on the old couch, and seeing it every time in the center of your apartment made you sick to the stomach, so you changed it. now, you think, you’ll have to change it again after seeing him on your new couch. he slowly lays back down on your couch, but his head is slightly tilted up as he keeps his eyes on you. “well i think your old couch matched your apartment just fine. i guess i’m just sad that all our memories on that couch are gone now,” he shrugs lightly, speaking casually as if you two didn’t have the nastiest breakups in the history of breakups. you have to bite the inside of your cheek so you don’t lash out on him (even though he deserves it), but you lose your cool when he sits back up and you feel his presence behind you. he takes your hand in his which makes you sharply slap his hand away.

he has to be playing some sick joke, you think. the fact that he has the guts to even mention the past makes you want to run to the bathroom and throw up. “i think that’s the point. you’re supposed to stay a memory, so you should actually just leave because you seem to have sobered up,” you say through gritted teeth, but you know well enough he actually isn’t totally sober yet as his eyes droop occasionally and he stumbles on his feet a bit even if he is just standing still. and unfortunately, sunghoon knows that you’re not a cruel human being so you won’t kick him out when he is still under the influence.

“i don’t wanna leave. i want to stay here forever,” he whines as he flops back onto the couch like a child. if you two were still together, you would’ve thought it was cute, but you don’t now, and you want him out of your apartment as soon as possible. “well you’re not staying here forever. you’re lucky i am a decent human being, but you better be gone when i wake up tomorrow,” you grumble as you fold your arms across your chest, “please sober up more. i don’t want to smell throw up in the morning and even if you do, you’re cleaning it up or else i will haunt you for the rest of your life,” you threaten, and sunghoon merely gives you a weak grin, looking as if he’s about to fall asleep during your mid-rant.

“you already haunt my mind every day,” the boy mumbles, but you heard what he said, and it’s enough for you to click your tongue and leave him in your living room with no pillows or blankets. you loudly shut your bedroom door for him to hear that you do not want to be bothered before making yourself comfy on the bed. a peaceful fifteen minutes pass, and you’re close to dozing off to a slumber when you hear your door knob click open, followed by heavy footsteps that you recognize all too well. you don’t need to open your eyes to know it’s sunghoon, so you pretend that you’ve already fallen asleep in hopes of him giving up and leaving.

but you know sunghoon better than that, and you know that he’s incredibly hard headed and is a company type of guy. he’s always had trouble sleeping if you weren’t next to him in bed, and at the very least if you were apart then he’d facetime you. he would always find a way to be with you before he sleeps, and you suppose he hasn’t broken his habit yet when you feel the corner of your mattress dip slightly. you peek an eye open as subtly as you can, seeing a messy brown head of hair facing you with the rest of his body sat on the floor at an uncomfortable angle. you shut your eyes tightly once more as if the more force you put into your eyes squeezed shut would make him disappear.

you hear a loud, exasperated sigh come from him, and you still don’t budge. you then feel his head shake a little, then a quiet and choked sob leave his lips. you bite on your lower lip to suppress any noise, trying to maintain your even breathing. a part of you feels bad; you didn’t know he was this affected, especially when he was the one who broke up with you. you then give yourself a mental slap for ever feeling bad for the man who stomped on your heart. he is clearly still not in the right state of mind and is just feeling emotional, you think, but you still let him stay beside you. you argue in your mind that, as long as he’s gone when you wake up, you can return to your normal routine and pretend he never existed in your life.

if only that’s what really happened.

your eyes shoot open at loud clanking from your kitchen area, mind almost immediately going into panic mode until you remember sunghoon from last night. you groan audibly, hopefully loud enough for him to hear but your bedroom door is shut still. you turn over to your side, seeing a lost strand of brown hair that had to belong to sunghoon. you grimace, swiping it off your bed sheets as if it was a spider before rolling out of bed. angrily stomping to your kitchen where you see sunghoon messing with your kitchen pots, you lean against the wall until he decides to acknowledge your appearance.

“oh, good morning y/n. did you sleep well?” he asks as he struggles with cracking an egg into the pan. you roll your eyes before walking over, only to shove him to the side and take the egg out of his hand. “could have been better if someone didn’t decide to sneak into my room,” you mutter in absolute despise as you crack the egg with ease into the pan. he chuckles awkwardly as he watches you from behind.

“this kinda brings back memories, no?” he says casually, and you immediately look over your shoulder with venomous eyes that makes sunghoon purse his lips into a tight line. “you are supposed to be gone,” you only say in return and you get a shrug as a response from the boy. you wonder how you even dealt with him when you two were together, but you don’t remember him being this insufferable before.

“didn’t feel like it,” he grins, canines peeking proudly that you can see from the corner of your eye when he tries to get you to look at him. despite your disliking of his pestering habits, you can’t help but recall when the two of you used to cook breakfast together (it was more you than him). fighting off a smile that dared to appear on your face, you roll your eyes before putting the cooked eggs onto a plate and shoving it into his chest. “eat, and then leave. that will also be two dollars for the eggs. inflation is crazy these days,” you mutter, sighing as you run a hand exasperatedly through your hair and walking over lazily to the couch.

“oh, is this your excuse for me to contact you again. i knew you wanted me back, y/n,” he sighs happily, ever so touched by your words even if he did it in a dramatic manner. he took a bite of your cooked eggs, and he almost wants to physically melt. no one has ever made eggs for him like you do, even if you just sprinkle some salt and pepper. it’s not the same if it’s not you, he thinks.

sunghoon happily plops down next to your slumped figure on the couch, enjoying his eggs as if it was a normal sunday morning. you wish it could be a normal sunday morning, if only he didn’t absolutely spit on your heart and stomped on it after. “no. and get away from me. i literally do not want to see you any more. just please, leave,” you say almost desperately as sunghoon swallows his last bite of your eggs. a frown makes its way onto his lips when you move away from him, pressing your side against the armrest of the couch. “y/n,” he starts but you squeeze your eyes shut when his voice reaches your ears.

“no! no, just get out of my life, sunghoon. seriously, i mean it. you can’t just come back into my life like nothing happened and be all boyfriend again like this. it’s been months, get over it!” you snap at him, head turning to shoot a glare at him but his eyes are wide and his brows are furrowed as if he’s confused, but he really has no reason to be confused and it only makes you even more mad.

he looks like a lost puppy, you think, but you can’t let yourself fall for it again. no, you refuse to. you were already weak earlier, but you can’t be caught slipping anymore. you snag the plate off of his lap, giving him a sharp glare before stomping off into the kitchen and furiously scrubbing soap on the plate that wasn’t even that dirty to begin with. the water that spills out of the faucet is loud, and you don’t even notice a few tears have fallen from your eyes until sunghoon swipes your cheek.

you drop the plate into the sink, resulting in a loud clank but neither of you flinch at the sound when you’re swatting his hand away from you, wiping harshly at your cheeks to dry your face but it’s no use when the tears keep leaving your eyes. “please don’t cry, it hurts me to see you like this, y/n,” sunghoon whispers quietly as he stares at your tearful face that he pities so much.

you scoff, but then you break into a laugh. you know he probably thinks you’re a maniac for suddenly laughing, but his words put you in so much shock that it’s unbelievable you actually wanted to marry him one day. “it hurts you…” you mumble underneath your breath, and sunghoon barely catches what you say. “what–” he asks, confused, but is cut off when you let out another breathless laugh. “oh, you’re actually sick. you are so, so sick, park sunghoon,” you say so blankly as your eyes bore into his, and sunghoon almost falters back at your sudden change of attitude.

“i don’t–” he sputters out, in a rush to try and stop you but you feel like you’ve gone delirious. and it’s all because of sunghoon. stupid sunghoon and his stupid, stupid face that makes you want to kneel down and apologize for what is about to spill from your lips.

you look away for a split second, as if your mind was subconsciously thinking twice but you’re off the rails, too angry to even stop the finger that jabs at his shoulder roughly. “we broke up for a reason. what was it that you used to say…?” you feign ponder, “oh! the past is in the past, so we should move on from it, right? you, are the past. you are just a memory that i can forget! and i’ve already moved on, so why are you still in my fucking apartment?” you spit out, finger constantly jabbing at his shoulder blade while he sits on the couch, jaw slightly agape and brows furrowed.

“you moved on? to who?” he asks, almost like he’s angry but he has absolutely no right to be angry. and it only makes you even more furious that you ‘moving on’-- which was an absolute lie– was the only part that he focused on. your finger that is lingering still on his shoulder blade is taken off by sunghoon, his hand wrapped around your wrist as he pulls you closer to him.

you’re taken off guard, eyes widening a bit from his sudden action. “answer me,” his brows furrow even more, but his face isn’t angry anymore. he’s pleading, you realize. it really bothered him so much that you moved on. so you laugh in his face again. you laugh hard, so hard that you lose your balance from where you’re standing with sunghoon’s leg in between yours. you fall forwards, forehead meeting his shoulder as you continue to laugh.

you calm down, short breaths leaving your lips as sunghoon’s grip slowly releases your wrist. then, you pound his chest. it’s definitely not enough to hurt him, so you think that repeating it will at least do some damage. he only sits there and takes it. “you’re so pathetic, park,” you whisper into his shoulder, eyes squeezed shut when your fist stops hitting his chest.

“i’m only pathetic because you make me desperate,” he responds so casually, like it’s a normal everyday thing to say to an ex. he sits still, even with your whole body leaned against him and your legs tangled up with his. “hug me,” you mumble, the fist on his chest now squeezing his shirt tightly. he hesitates for a moment, but he could never ever say no to you, so he wraps his arms around you. “i’m not going to disappear out of thin air, you don’t have to hold onto me that tight,” he tries a joke, but then your body starts shaking and you’re crying once again.

“oh, oh god. i’m so sorry, i didn’t think it was that bad of a joke, please don’t cry,” he pleads, rubbing your back soothingly as you rub your eyes against his shirt fabric on his shoulder. he’s got more to worry about than a tear-stained shirt. “you are really so fucking stupid, i think my head is starting to hurt,” you mutter out through gritted teeth because you really can’t believe you’re letting him hold you like this again, when just a few months ago you were hugging yourself in your bedroom alone, crying hysterically because you missed his hugs.

he clicks his tongue, “it’s only hurting so much because you can’t stop thinking about kissing me,” he tries for another joke, again, and you really stop crying and stare at him blankly again. “you are only supposed to be a memory,” you mumble out again, and his face turns into confusion. “but–” he wants to fight for you, but you don’t let him.

“i can’t hold you back from finding your real lover,” you frown, eyes still watery from tears that are building up once again, “and you can’t hold me back either. you already know how this is going to end, don’t you, sunghoon? i don’t think i can deal with the aftermath, again,” you whisper almost desperately to try to get him to understand but he only shakes his head. “so you’re saying you don’t want me in your life?”

you bite your bottom lip, brows scrunching as you look away from him. “being your friend or your lover will hurt in the end. i can’t do it,” you reply, voice shaky as more tears threaten to spill out of your eyes and you swear, when you spare him a glance, his eyes are also glossy.

he frowns deeply, opting to say nothing because maybe, just maybe, you’ll let him stay a little longer and relish your warmth against him before he’s forced to grab his things that he’s left for you in your apartment and leave, for good. he brings you in closer again in his embrace, and you think you will also relish in this moment again before you repeat the healing process over again when he leaves.

you hate every part about park sunghoon, with the way his cologne still lingers on your shirts no matter how much you wash it, and the way almost every piece of furniture in your own apartment reminds you of him that you had to change your couch so that he would stop sticking to you like glue. but you always know that no matter how pathetic you think he is, you are too, if not more, pathetic than him.

[skyechild]

Silence

𖤐 pairing: Seungcheol x Jeonghan x Reader (M/M/F) 𖤐 genre: a fuck of angst, smut towards the end, then fluff. 𖤐 warnings: bruises, Jeonghan being possessive with Cheol, dont have intercourse if youve had any alcohol at all, alcohol towards the end 𖤐 wc: 8.2k 𖤐trope/au: f2l, non-idol 𖤐 summary: It was only supposed to be an outing with the boys, nothing more. But what happens when you wake up in the bed of the one couple in the group, AND you can remember everything. this is also mostly for Ki bcuz its Jeongcheol <3 𖤐 notes: this was supposed to be small i promise...ITS FINALLY DONE 𖤐 tag list: @cultofdionysusnet / @stravvberrymilksan / @kwanisms

Silence.

It wasnt supposed to end like this. With you waking up in Jeonghan and Seungcheol's beds not in your clothes from the night before. It was supposed to end with you under their covers between them while they slept. It was only supposed to be a small outing with the group. You were only going for a few drinks, let the stress from every day jobs go away for the long weekend it....not end up in the bed of the only couple in the group.

Silence

The silence made you nervous, anxiety spiking. The sound sound that could hear was silence. Your mind had stopped and restarted. There was no fan or anything, you could barely register the deep breaths of the two boys beside you sleeping. You knew Seungcheol was a deep sleeper. But Jeonghan was a wild card. He never slept in a certain way, not deep nor light. Oh my god what if Joshua was looking for you?

The silence is so loud.

You (somehow) managed to slide out of bed without waking either, grabbing the dress you wore last night and putting it on after stripping off the shirt. You looked around for you phone, a pang in your chest when you watched Jeonghan roll into Seungcheols arms. You grabbed your phone off the table. You looked at your wrists. Bruised.

Silence

You opened the door, cringing at the slight creak before you slipped out, noticing the two didnt wake. Now to get out of their apartment. God this was a mistake. Youre never going to be able to face them again, you wont be able to face the rest of the boys knowing that you fucked the oldest two. You ruffled your hair aggressively. You fucked up big.

You wanted to scream, yell and run out into the streets. Sleeping out of apartment after slipping on your heels, giving it one last look. Looking at the clock you sighed when you noticed it was 5am. Good, it was early enough that you didnt need to worry about the walk of shame. You made the quick walk back to your apartment, opening the door to Joshua sitting on your couch. He looked you up and down before he sighed. "They marked you up good."

That was all it took before you choked out a sob. You knew Jeonghan hated sharing, the bruises on your wrists from when he refused to let you touch Seungcheol still hurt. Every time you moved your wrist there was a dull pain that shot through your arms. The hickeys werent pretty. They werent there from possessiveness. No, Jeonghan bit you out of jealousy. Sure the other was tipsy, he was never that angry with you. The tone of his voice scared you. Why did he entertain you then? Why did he bring you pain instead of kicking you out?

You fell into Joshuas arms. "He bit me Shua." You hiccupped, hugging him as tight as you could, ignoring the pain. "Not like a dog. He was jealous." You pulled back from the other and smiled slightly. Joshua has seen you naked so it didnt bother you when you let your dress fall. The bruises on your hips were from Seungcheol, given from lust, some of the hickeys were from the eldest as well. "Jeonghan...im never going to be able to look at him again."

You phone buzzed and Joshua took it out of your hand as you put the dress back on. "Go change into one of my shirts." You rubbed your eyes and sniffled. "Ok." He looked at you again. "Take a shower too." You smiled slightly, a huff leaving you of weak laughter. You nodded and headed to the bathroom.

Joshua took your phone and unlocked it. The passcode was his birthday and his was yours. The best of friends you were. Looking at the notif as he watched more came in. All from the two you were just with. Seungcheol was confused as to where you went, he had looked everywhere and couldnt find you. Multiple texts from Seungcheol, texts from Jeonghan were after. First they sounded like forced apologies then they seemed genuine then they seemed urgent, snaps and texts kept coming in, each more rushed and panicked then the last. Then the calls started.

He sighed, letting each one go to voicemail. Turning your phone off he forced a smile once you came back from the shower. "Go sleep now. Im going to keep your phone for now." You nodded as you turned back around. "Can i sleep next to you?" He nodded before you both walked to his room, him following once he locked the door.

How was he to tell you everything that was going on? They wouldnt probably start with him next considering you lived together. You and Joshua may have been best friends since diapers despite being a year apart but he knew you well enough to think you probably panicked. Once you laid down he got a full view of all the marks on your body. "Im going to grab some bruise cream ok? Ill be back." You nodded, sitting up and waiting.

He wasnt gone long, grabbing the cream from his bathroom as he came back. "Where did they all mark?" You held out your wrists, tilted your neck and then motioned under your shirt. "Seungcheol's werent out of anger." You murmured and he smiled. "I know. I hate to say it, but you should probably let him explain." You shook your head. "Not yet." You whispered and he nodded, understanding.

Once finished covering your bruises you both laid down, you scooting into his arms. He smiled softly as he hugged you close, stroking your hair until you drifted off. Hopefully the two had stopped. Reaching for the phone he placed on the table he turned it back on, all the old notifs coming in. He thanked you and himself that it was on vibrate. He sighed, looking at all the texts and snaps that the two had sent you. The voice mails also seemed to get from confused to worried then to concern and panic. That last text was 5 minutes before he had turned the phone back on.

'We are coming over.'

"Like hell you are." He mumbles, happy that he did all the locks. The only had the main key to get in. To break in you would need a Halligan tool, be strong enough to kick it down or be able to pick locks. Which he knew the others had none of the above. He placed your phone down just as the knocks on the door started. He rolled his eyes, when you stirred he started humming, hoping it would help enough.

It didnt.

You woke with a start once the knocks got louder and more aggressive. "Its just Seungcheol and Jeonghan." You tensed and he shook his head. "All the locks are done, they cant get in." He had installed the locks after there was a break in while you were home alone. He strokes your hair again before sighing. "Ill tell them to go away and youll text them when youre ready." He soothes and you hesitate to release him, not wanting to let go of the one thing keeping you somewhat tethered to reality and not up in the sky with anxiety.

You let him go, biting your lip as he disappears into the living room. He unlocks the door and blocks the door before either of them can try and shove themselves in. He raises a brow, crossing his arms. "Can i help you?" Joshua doesnt get angry easily, so when he does theres a fear thats in everyones body. He only get angry when it comes to your safety and health. He tolerates a lot but this is the angriest Jeonghan has ever seen him.

"Can we talk to Y/n?" Joshua chuckled at the question, the image of your bruises coming to his mind. "No you cannot." He smiled brightly, though the disbelief was in his eyes. "The bruises on her that i put cream on from you? I know your possessive but. Jesus fucking christ Han." Joshua rolled his eyes as Jeonghan's eyes widened before he shifted his eyes to Seungcheol. "She mentioned that yours were ok."

His eyes went back to Jeonghan. "Should put a fucking muzzle on you like a dog. You bite..." He paused. "..and not in a good way." By now you have made your way to the hallway, peeking around the corner to see whats going on. Joshua huffed as there was no answer. "I ask nicely. Please leave. She will talk to you when she wants to." Seungcheols eyes flick over his shoulders, locking eyes with you and they comically grow wider. His mouth opens to speak but you go back to hiding. His mouth shuts, a slight pout on his lips. Hes going to take it that means you dont want him to call out to you.

He furrowed his brows before his eyes went back to Joshua. He wants to ask why he cant talk to you when the Jeonghan is the problem. But he purses his lips., he sort of understands though, Jeonghan is possessive- wait...

"Wait..." Seungcheol speaks up for the first time. "What do you bruises. I only left some on her hips?" Joshua turns his gaze to the oldest of the three. "Our dear Hannie here-" He says the nickname almost mockingly. "-left aggressive bruises on her wrists and other places." He states. "But if you dont mind, its currently six-thirty am and id like to sleep so if you wouldnt mind leaving...thatd be great. Thanks, bye." Joshua takes the moment they are both dumbfounded to slam the door and lock it. All of the locks.

He walks back and hugs you tightly. "Dont show Hao. He is worse then me when angry." He smiles teasingly. At the mention of your brother you shake your head rapidly. "I wont. You cant either." He nods, waddling you both back to his room to sleep again, not bothering to listen for their footsteps leaving.

Youve both been mistaken for dating, multiple times. You tried once, but it felt too weird. But the pack you both had made remains. You waddle back with him, walking backwards while he led. "Still sleepy?" You nodded, resting your head on his chest. "How are you always so warm?" He chuckles, kissing the top of your head before turning a bit so you both land on your sides when you make it to the bed. The sheets werent made from when you snuck out but he manages to get them up and over you both. "Sleep well Y/n." He whispers.

---

Its only a day or two later that you decided to message them back. You read all the texts, watched the snaps and listened to all the voicemails. You arent sure youll ever forgive Jeonghan. It hurt, and everyone was buzzed but that still didnt excuse what he did. You remember everything and from what Seungcheol admitted, he didnt know of the bruises Jeonghan left.

Joshua had told you that you couldnt go to the doctor because they would get suspicious. Bruises that dark and everyone would set off the doctors who would tell the authorities. That was not an option. You sighed, resting your arms crossed on the table and let your head fall on them. Your sleeves covered the slowly fading bruises and managed to cover up the hickeys on your neck with make up, luckily you brother hadnt noticed. You had to convince Joshua to let you go alone, but he told you hed be down the street should something happen. You had smiled and nodded.

You tense, colour draining from your face as you heard the seats in front of you move. You didnt want to look up, you could tell who it was when they cleared their throat. You clenched your face. "Y/n? Can you look at u-me?" Seungcheol caught himself. He knew you probably didnt want to see the blonde right now, he was right.

Shaking your head you kept your forehead against the table, jerking your hands back when you felt your sleeves being moved. You heard a sharp inhale, most likely Seungcheol's. He passed out right after he had cum. Jeonghan had smacked away your hands when you reached over to remove the condom. The hushed whispering wasnt hushed, Seungcheol was never good at it.

"Jeonghan what the fuck." He hissed you you peeked up from your cover of your arms. "I dont know how to answer." He whispered back. Jeonghan was better at whispering, but you felt like he was being louder for your sake. "Theres really nothing i can say and it not sound like an excuse." He mumbled and you lifted your head and sat up straight, putting your hands in your lap as you looked out the window.

You bit your lip, trying to gather the courage. Jeonghan spoke before you could. "Y/n. Im really sorry. Its not that i didnt want you touching Cheol, yes you squirming under him was cute, but...I dont know how to explain it. "I know im possessive and i went too far." He took a deep breath. "I just didnt know if i wanted you to touch me first or him." You frowned at the words. "So you let bruises on me and bit me because...you didnt want me touching him before you? Jeonghan that is the biggest fucking excuse ive ever heard. Youre not a fucking dog Jeonghan. You dont just bite people you dont like. Why did you even entertain the thought of us sleeping together if you were going to act like that?" He looked down, not meeting your eyes.

"Because i want you! Ive wanted you for years! I wanted you since Shua introduced us." He confessed. Even Seungcheol seemed surprised at the confession. It was silent for a while. Again.

The silence was so loud.

You choked out a forced laugh. "Dont lie." You locked with him. "Im not. I know Cheol feels the same way...We dont really...sleep with other people. Example being..." He motioned to you and your hands fell onto your wrists. "I hate you." You spoke and Jeonghan felt his heart crack. "At least I want to hate you." You continued, Jeonghan's head shooting up. "Dont look so hopeful Han." You confessed, watching his shoulders slump.

"Im gonna give you a chance. But i...i dont think i can bare you touching me..." You murmur, biting your lip. "You hurt me Han..." You whispered. "I've never seen you like that, and you scared me. I have never been scared of you, but that...that was someone else i felt i didnt know. You were some stranger that looked like my Hannie." You whispered before you gaze went to Seungcheol.

"Hi Cheol..." He smiled, nodding at you as he scanned you. "Can i see...can i see your wrists?" He whispered and you wanted to say no, you wanted to so badly. Seungcheol was your weak spot. His wide eyes and pretty lips. Your heart skipped a beat whenever he smiled and you saw his dimples. You hesitated, raising one hand for Seungcheol.

He held out his hand, waiting till you put you hand in his. "Can i say something funny?" You nodded. His jokes or things he thought we funny either ruined the mood or made you cry from laughing. "I felt like ii shouldve said 'paw' just now." You cracked a smile, a soft giggle leaving you as Seungcheol held your hand carefully. When you looked up at him after staring at your hand in his, his dimples made you smiled wider. You loved his dimples so much.

He moved the sleeve to see your wrist and he was quiet for a moment before he leaned forward, pulling your hand a bit closer as he kissed the bruise. "Im so sorry for that Y/n." He whispered. His heart had dropped when he saw the bruise. You pulled your hand back, eyes flickering to Jeonghan whos mouth had open in shock. "..i really did that?"

He wanted to reach out and copy his boyfriend. Reach out and hold you hand so gently and place a kiss on the skin like Seungcheol did. But he wasnt going to touch you. Not only did you not want him to touch you, but he was scared to touch you again. He thinks it will take a while for both of you to be ok touch each other.

You nodded, glancing at him. He hated to look in your eyes. It wasnt fear, it was something like caution and hesitance. You looked away from him quickly, looking back at Seungcheol who still had his lips on your wrist. Removing them he sighed. "Im sorry i didnt notice." He whispered. You should your head. "It isnt your fault Cheol." You whispered before you took your hand back. "It was all our faults. We shouldnt have had sex at all." You said bluntly.

"We all had some alcohol. I guess i should be happy im not pregnant." You let out a small laugh. "I think id rather had these..." You motioned to your wrists. "...then be pregnant. Sorry Cheol, i know you have a breeding kink." You watched his jaw drop and you laughed, a smile appearing on Jeonghan's lips. Both had forgotten how much of a menace you were. An ugly snort left Jeonghan as he thought about it again.

You brought your hands back to your lap. "Thank you for agreeing to meet me." You murmured and Jeonghan smiled slightly. "Thank you for letting me explain." You nodded, smiling a bit. "I'll text you guys later?" They nodded and watched as you got up, texting someone before throwing them a smile. "Do you need a ride?" You shook your head. "Shua is just down the road." They nodded and got up to leave as well, walking you out and waiting til Joshua got there and you got in. Both boys got a slightly dirty look from him.

They guess they will have to kiss Joshua's ass to get his forgiveness.

--- Three months after

You and Jeonghan were working on skinship slowly. You were no long flinching when he reached for you. It was a small twitch now. Jeonghan didnt look so shattered when you moved away from him. Seungcheol was the only one you didnt move away from. Jeonghan had become less possessive, he didnt blow a fuse every time someone touched Seungcheol. He was happy to give you space, happy to watch you hug Seungcheol, it made Seungcheol happy so it made Jeonghan happy.

A few days later is when you finally approached Jeonghan, arms tight by your sides as you cleared your throats. “Hannie?” You whispered, watching as he spun around to face you, surprise evident on his face. “Can i hug you?” A smile spreads on his face as he nods, opening his arms, smiling when you came in for a hug. “Hi angel.” He whispered against your neck, a soft smile on his lips, hands stroking your hair and back.

“Thank you.” He heard you mumble into his chest and he tightened the hug. “No thank you." He pulled back a bit, pressing his lips against the side of your head. "We should go on a date." He murmured against your hair and you were quiet for a moment and it made Jeonghan almost retract his words. "A date?" He barely heard you mumble and he nodded, smiling down at you.

The bruises have faded by now but recently since you started letting Jeonghan give you skinship he would leave kisses on both wrists. He never mentioned it but you knew he was apologizing in his own way. You had smiled whenever he had placed kisses on your wrists. A constant silent 'im so sorry' in his own words. He didnt know how to apologize for it in words so he went into actions. Whenever you held his hand he would stroke the skin, almost unconsciously now.

"Yeah, go get ready peach." He smiled as he pulled away, patting your butt as you disappeared into the bedroom to change only to peek back out. "Fancy or casual?" Jeonghan glanced over his shoulder. "Casual." He smiled at you as you disappeared back into the room to change, returning to finishing the dishes. You stole one of Seungcheol's hoodies. They were always big on you, the hem reaching mid thigh and the sleeves covering your hands. You decided on jeans under it followed by the shoes Joshua bought you.

Peeking back our you watched as the blonde put away the dishes. You walked up to the island behind him and leaned against it, watching him. Jeonghan was pretty, very pretty. You sighed quietly, not wanting to alert him to your presence yet. You wanted to admire him for a second, he got better on not being possessive, even if Joshua hadnt forgiven him still. He smiled lightly as he put the last dish away, turning around and gasping once he saw you. "Hi peach, you surprised me." He walked around the table and poked your cheek lightly.

You slipped into his arms. Seungcheol was out that day so you had some much needed alone time with the blonde. You couldnt run away and hide next to Seungcheol like you use to. You smiled softly at him, chin resting on his sternum. Skinship has been easier with him the last few days, it always use to be. He smiled widely, at the touch. "You look ready to go. Give me a second to get ready then we can go."

There was a small piece of you that didnt want to let go of him. He was always warm, almost like a human heater. He chuckled, wrapping his arms around your waist and shifting his boy to pick you up, hands moving down to the back of your thighs. "If you dont let me go baby i cant change." You shook your head, legs wrapping around his waist and hiding your face in his neck. You missed being this close to him.

You heard his chuckle against your hair as he walked towards the couch, sitting down and sighed, leaning back. Jeonghan might not be the strongest but it seems like hes been working out. His hands came up to rub your back. "I thought you wanted to go on a date?" You nodded. "I do...i just missed hugging you like this." You heard the shaky breath he let out as he held you closer. "I missed you so much..." He confessed, biting his lip. "But i gotta change if you want to go on that date."

You pouted before you released him, cheeks pink as you moved to sit next to him. "Can you change quickly?" He chuckled, nodding as he got up, walking quickly towards their shared room to change. It was still hard to go in their room, flashbacks of that night always flashing at the forefront of you mind. He came back quickly and he reached his hand out. "Ready?" He whispered. You grabbed his hand before you even stood up, lacing your fingers together.

It was almost easy to go back to the usual touches you guys use to have today. You hope its not a one day thing.

Jeonghan takes you to a cafe around the corner after locking the door, hands never separating. His thumb is stroking the back of your hand, seems like its unconsciously. Once your both sitting down hes already ordered both of your favorites. His head is resting on his hand, eyes watching you fondly as you stare at the table, unable to meet his eyes.

"Youre adorable." He stated, smiling at you once you glanced up at him, cheeks still red. "Huh?" You were dumbfounded, confused. "I said, youre adorable." He grinned, one corner of his lips higher then the other.

He was smirking.

It made your jaw drop. "Uh...thank you?" He nodded, grinning softly. It was an actual smile, softer then usual. You bit your lip, returning the smile. "You...youre pretty." He grinned wider. "Thank you sunshine." You smiled a bit. His nicknames were so cute, you had to admit that.

----

The date ended nicely, him teasing as usual. Once you had gotten inside, Seungcheol was sitting on the couch. You had yet to go on a date with both of them. "Where have you guys been? You grinned, skipping over to him, releasing Jeonghan's hand. "We went on a date!" His eyes towards Jeonghan before he smiled, standing up, tugging you into his arms, kissing your forehead. "Did you have fun?" You nodded and he hugged you tightly. "Thats good."

Jeonghan slipped behind you and wrapping his arms around your waist, landing on Seungcheols hips. He grinned against your neck, pressing a few kisses on the skin. "Im kind of tired now though." You mumbled, stroking the blondes hair. "How about we make a pillow fort, get some snacks and watch a movie?" Seungcheol spoke quietly, stroking the skin of your hip where your shirt had risen.

"That sounds fun!" You turned back around. "Make it pretty Cheol!" You teased, hugging Jeonghan tightly, eyes sparkling. "Hey thats rude!" You heard Seungcheol whine. Jeonghan loved teasing anyone, Seungcheol happened to be one of his favorite targets. Seungcheol snaked his arms around your waist before tugging you backwards into his chest before he dug his fingers into your side, a loud shriek leaving your lips followed by giggles as Seungcheol started the assault of tickles.

It was almost hard to keep you from wiggling out of his arms and reaching out for the blonde. "Hannie help!" He grinned, taking a step forward. The mischief in his eyes automatically made you regret asking for help. "I gotta help." He cooed and you made you wiggles more aggressively, trying to get away before Jeonghan could get his fingers on you. "Wait please, please i give! Merci meri!" You felt Seungcheol stop but Jeonghan didnt stop moving, causing you to drop from your spot against Seungcheol's spot in order to escape the heathen trying to get a hold of you.

You made a run for it. Running down the hall and hearing Jeonghan's footsteps right behind you, a yelp leaving your mouth when you glanced back. He was closer then you thought. Skidding around the corner you stumbled up the stairs and aiming for the bathroom at the hall. Only you barely made it up the stairs for a weight slammed into your back, arms snaking around your waist. "Gotcha!"

"Wait wait! Hannie please!" You yelped, fighting against the grip the other had on you. It wasnt a tight grip that you couldnt get out of if you actually tried but one that felt more like a playful threat. He didnt tickle you, now the only ticklish thing he had was the whisper of kisses against your neck. That was almost worse then the actual tickles.

Spinning you around he smiled bright at you, dropping a kiss on the side of your head. "Ok i wont. But lets go help Cheol set up." He released you from his arms except for your hand, lacing your fingers together as he walked with you down the stairs. He released your hand to start helping Seungcheol with the fort while you grabbed snacks and pillows, dropping them off by the couch. Seungcheol seemed to have gotten the extra blankets from the closet.

By the time you got back from gathering the snacks they had taking all the chairs and moved the table from the middle of the floor. Giving you three the whole living room space to work with. Placing the snacks on the moved table you came closer. "Any way i can help?" Jeonghan shook his head. "Nothin' right now peach." You hummed in response. "Actually, can you grab the laptop and charger please little one?" Seungcheol spoke as he stood straight up, a dimpled smile on his lips as you made eye contact.

"Theres also some alcohol in the fridge. I know you dont like beer so theres some cider. I also found some like, alcoholic monsters? Theres no caffine but when i tried one it was really good. You can grab some of those if you want." You nodded, disappearing into the kitchen to grab the desired alcohol. Placing some of the alcohol on the counter you grabbed the beer you knew Seungcheol and Jeonghan like.

Returning to drop off the alcohol you smile. The fort looked almost done. Running back up the stairs you grabbed the laptop you both normally used. Usually pillow forts happened when Jeonghan was out and ended with you in Seungcheols lap a complete mess. You bit your lip. You were a bit nervous, if it ended like it usually did, you were scared Jeonghan might get possessive again. But when he had seen you and Seungcheol together he had slowly stopped acting like a prick.

Coming back down you placed both items on the table next to the alcohol and snacks. You werent going to drink too much, you would make sure the others didnt drink too much, especially if the night would end with you one someones cock and the movie playing in the background, forgotten. Last time, Jeonghan seemed like the drunkest out of the three of you, Seungcheol not far behind. Why didnt you stop it?

You shook the thought away. Now wasnt the time to fall back into that moment. It wasnt time to take steps back after coming so far forward. You turned, watching as the two came out of the tent. You narrowed your eyes, suspicious with the way both boys lips seemed a bit more swollen then when you last saw them. "Did you guys kiss in there while i was busy running around and grabbing everything?" You pouted. "Aw, c'mere little one, ill give you a kiss." Jeonghan teased and you huffed, moving over to Seungcheol. "I dont want your wet kisses." You saw him gasp, a hand over his heart like he was offended. "I dont give wet kisses!" You rose a brow, glancing at Seungcheol's lips.

"Oh really?" You pointed at the others lips. "Then why are his so unnecessarily wet?" He rolled his eyes before coming closer and pressing a soft kiss to your lips. "See, not wet. Cheol is the wet kisser." You frowned. "No he isnt?" You cross your arms before Seungcheol wraps his arms around your waist. "Jeonghan uses tongue a lot." He whispered into your ear. "I like to use teeth." His words are breathed onto your ear. "But you know that." He whispers, nipping at your neck. "He doesnt use teeth with me, he uses his tongue. I however." Jeonghan continues. "I will use my teeth with you. I like to bite."

Jeonghan turns back around to finish the fort, leaving you with a dumbfounded face and Seungcheol snickering as he finishes tossing the snacks then blankets and pillows you guys were going to use. Then adding the alcohol, grinning once he came back out. "Ive been told before about how this turns out." He states, tugging you inside with him and placing you beside him. As Seungcheol crawls in he flops down on the opposite side of you, pressing his side against yours, his arm resting over your back, hand resting on Jeonghan's waist as he pulls up netflix.

"What should be watch?" You hum at the question. "Disney? Marvel?" Jeonghan nods. "Disney. We should watch Cinderella." He grins over at the both of you, your nod is agreement, Seungcheols seems more like exhaustion. "We watch this movie everytime." You wave him off. "But you dont watch it with me." You turn to look at him, a pout on your lips, Jeonghan making the same face behind you.

Seungcheol sighs but agrees as Jeonghan finds the movie and presses play. He reaches for a remote you furrow your brows. When he flicks it on you gasp. You didnt notice him grabbing fairy lights. You feel warm inside...and outside. With the way the boys were pressed against your sides. "Pretty right?" You nod, eyes falling on the blonde side, watching his side profile.

-----

You guys managed to finish Cinderella with only a few hitches, hitches meaning a hand often sliding too long on your back or up to your neck. The next movie you didnt make it far. You barely noticed it was some hallmark Halloween movie as Seungcheol's lips on yours distracted you, pulling you towards his chest and man handling you on top of him. "Aww i thought we were going to actually watch this movie."

Jeonghan doesnt even know the movie thats playing, or how it got played. Pulling away from Seungcheol you press a kiss on each dimple before sitting up on his lap, looking at Jeonghan. None of you had actually had any alcohol. 'You dont drink while watching disney movies.' You couldnt agree more.

"Are you complaining because you want a kiss?" His pout turns into a smirk as he shifts, shuffling closer to drop a kiss on Seungcheol's lips then yours, dragging you over onto his lap and under him. "Are you ok with this?" He whispers, eyes searching yours for any hesitation or panic. You take a second, searching his own face. Jeonghan looks worried, needy but wanting to pull the truth from you.

"Just go slow." You whisper, nodding. "Word is bumble." You raise a brow. "Bumble?" Jeonghan nods, hands by your head. "Dont question it. We can do the traffic light system if you want that more." You nod, scanning his face, barely noticing Seungcheol coming closer. "Im ok with this. Just dont touch my wrists or neck." You whisper, hands reaching for the others face, pulling him into a soft kiss. Your cheeks stroked the skin of his cheeks. Soft.

You pull away, letting him kiss your jaw before he sat up, thighs on either side of you pulling your hand to his lips as he pressing kisses up your arm, watching as Seungcheol takes his place to kiss you. You sigh softly into Seungcheols lips. A tap against your hip makes you pull back. "Can i take these off?" You can barely see Jeonghan from behind Seungcheol. "Yeah." You whisper. You can feel when Jeonghan moves, your pants and panties going with. When Seungcheol pulls back your eyes fall on his lap.

Bless boys in sweatpants. Bless whoever made sweatpants a thing.

You reach out for his thigh, gripping it tightly. "Use your words little one." You pout up at Seungcheol, huffing at the cocky grin on his lips. You dig your nails into his thigh, watching as he tenses the muscle, a soft groan leaving your lips at the feel, another leaving at the feeling of Jeonghans hands on your thighs, stroking the soft skin before hes pulling you up and towards Seungcheol. "I want to see how wet you can get his thigh. Ride it."

You blinked a few times but Seungcheol still had a grin on his lips, sitting on his but with his legs out. "C'mon." He coos, patting his thigh. You bite your lip before crawling over to him, sitting on his thigh. A soft whine leaves your lips as he tenses the muscle again. The material of his sweats make the feeling even better. They arent as scratchy as your own but theyre soft.

"If you can soak his sweats ill eat you out." You hear Jeonghan speak, Seungcheol humming as he placed his hands on your hips. "Hes good at giving head baby. Better soak me." He encourages, helping you move your hips along his thigh. Your hands rest on his shoulders, giving you extra stability to grind your hips. The fabric brushing against your clit just right, a soft whine leaving your lips. Soft encouraging words leaving Seungcheols lips. Seungcheol loved giving praise, and receiving. You whimpered into his hair, moving your hips harder.

"Baby likes praise ok Jeonghan? No name calling." You had told Seungcheol more about what you didnt like. You liked degredation, but you didnt want it from Jeonghan, and Seungcheol doesnt like giving it. Jeonghan hummed, his chest suddenly against your back, hands resting above the others, pushing you down and forward. "I know you can do better." You let out a moan at the feeling, hips stuttering. You were close to soaking through Seungcheols pants.

You were growing addicted to the feeling of his sweats brushing against your clit. It made your head dizzy and your body feel fuzzy. Jeonghans breath fanning across your neck made you shutter. "Can i?" You nodded. "Just not touching with your hands." He nodded, a wet kiss being pressed against your throat before there was a brush of his tongue.

When your moans got louder and more often he smirked, jerking you up Seungcheols thigh, leaving your orgasm there. "No!" You whined. "I want you to cum on my tongue. Trust me youll be having more to make up for just that one." It was going to be a long night. Was the lost coherent sentence you thought before you were moved onto your back, thighs spread and blonde hair tickling your innerthighs.

You knew once Jeonghan got his tongue on you it would be over. Your orgasm was ebbing away, a soft pout on your lips at the thought of a missed orgasm. But your mind went blank as soon as you felt his tongue brush against your clit, mouth dropping open. Jeonghan moved his arms, wrapping them around your thighs, palms resting against your stomach as he happily proceeded to eat you out.

His tongue slid through your slit, gathering all of your wetness. "Jeonghan can get messy while eating." Seungcheol spoke, eyes bright as he watched you squirm on his boyfriends tongue. You couldnt see Jeonghans eyes whenever you looked down to watch. You wiggled a bit, to get away or closer you dont know. All you wanted was more.

Your body jerked when his mouth closed around your clit and sucked, eyes rolling back and mouth opening, a broken call of Jeonghans name leaving you. You whined loudly, hand shooting down to grip his hair tightly as he continued. "Fuck...So good." Seungcheol moved, lips pressing against yours to muffle your cries as Jeonghan slipped his tongue inside you the same time Seungcheols hands slipped up your shirt and removed your bra.

His fingers quickly followed his tongue, slipping one inside as he pulled away, eyes dark with lust as he stared up at you. Pressing his thumb against your clit he rubbed it quickly and you pulled away from Seungcheol to grasp, gripping Jeonghans hair with one hand and one in Seungcheols. "Please please..." Please left your lips, wanting Jeonghans mouth back on you.

"Told you he was good, isnt he?" You nod rapidly as the blonde added another finger. "Cum on my tongue." His voice deeper then you heard before, lips spreading into a grin as he spread his fingers, quickly sticking his tongue between his fingers, tongue pressing against warm walls quickly before he moved his head back again, adding another finger and curling them up, searching for your sweet spot.

He knew he found it when your leg kicked out followed by your legs closing around his hand. "There?" You nodded quickly, whimpering and crying as he massaged the spot quickly. "Fuck fuck, Hannie please, can i cum?" He hummed. "Shes begging so prettily Han." Seungcheol pushed your hair back from your face, sweat making it stick. "Ok peach, you can come." He pressed his fingers against the spot hard, rubbing it quickly.

Your orgasm hits you like a train, back arching and legs twitching. "You used your manners, good girl." He soothed, hand stroking your hips. "I think Cheol deserves your attention now, look at him, he looks like hes in pain." He didnt look like he was in any type of pain, you scanned his face, just noticing the tick in his jaw. So it was painful. "Why dont you help him out?" Jeonghan hummed, helping you move. "Can you do that? Ill even reward you with another orgasm." The thought of coming again so soon made your body of seize up.

You nodded before you sat up, helping Seungcheol move his sweats (that were still soaked with your wetness) down his thighs. You loved Seungcheols size. He was a perfect mix of length of girth. He filled you up nicely, hitting that sweet spot everytime he fucked you. You struggled taking him down your throat however. For your mouth, it wasnt a perfect fit. You could barely get half his length into your mouth before his tip hit the back of your throat and his girth made the corner of your lips hurt the smallest bit.

But god if you didnt try every single time. You practiced your gag reflex often, hoping one day youd be able to take him. But by the glance you got at Jeonghan's pants he wasnt much better. "Only if you take off your pants too..." Currently he was the only one that still had his pants on. He nodded, removing his pants and his shirt, Seungcheol following with his shirt.

Licking your lips you watched Jeonghan strip. He was pretty, lean and slim. a deadly trio for your heart. His cock was as pretty as he was. he was a bit slimmer then Seungcheol, but they were the same length. You turned your head back to Seungcheol once his hand landed on your head. Smiling up at him you laid between his legs, taking your time to drag your tongue up the vein on the underside of his cock, seeing the chill go up his spine that you loved. Taking the head his cock between your lips and sucking gently at the tip, not noticing Jeonghan getting closer until your hips were pulled up, hands stroking the backs of your thighs.

Jeonghans hands were soft on your skin, not an unforgiving scratching or an aggressive smack. He smiled as he watched you relax, as much as you could with Seungcheol down your throat. You hummed around the elders cock, fighting back a gag as his hips jolted up at the vibration. "Fuck, you cant do that." He huffed, stroking your hair, pushing it back from your face. Seungcheol smiled as he made eye contact before it dropped as you took more of him, tears forming as you felt him hit the back of your throat.

You arched your back, legs spreading as you felt Jeonghan nudge them apart with one hand, the other pressing against your lower back, humming at the sight. "What a pretty sight." He cooed, smiling. "Cheollie look at this." Said males eyes flicked up from your face, seeing the way your back arched prettily. "Pretty." He trailed off. Youhollowed your cheeks, causing him to groan. "But i think this is prettier. Come see."

Pulling back from your back side he went around, looking down at you, lips tugging into a smirk. Your face was red, eyes teary with drool dribbling down your chin. Messy. You were messy. Jeonghan loved it. His fingers itching to touch. He watched as you pulled off, wiping your lips before sucking on the side of his cock, nipping at his pelvis. "No mar-" Jeonghan stopped himself. It was fine if you did. You werent going to be leaving after. You already had a space in Seungcheol's heart, you had to know Jeonghan had a you size shape in his heart too.

You smiled, a hand gripping his thigh. "You can fuck my face." Both boys stopped, the hand in your hair turning from stroking to gripping, tugging your hair back to lock eyes. "You sure?" You gave Seungcheol a smile. "Yes please." He took a breath before pulling you back towards his cock. "Tap my thigh twice for stop, and once to slow down." He waited for your nod. You had no problem touching Seungcheols thigh in any manner.

You took a deep breath before exhaling. You had been working on your breathing with your mouth full. Not full of cock but you made do with what you could. He let you get settled as Jeonghan moved back around to his spot. Stroking the skin of Seungcheol's thigh you hummed as a go ahead. He starts off carefully, the first gag had him groaning. The feeling of your throat constricting around him made his hips jerk more, speeding up his thrusts.

The hand gripping your hair and the cock assaulting the back of you throat distracted you from Jeonghan. Your attention was quickly taken by him as you felt his cock grind against your clit. Youre not sure when he had put on a condom but you werent about to complain. You didnt want a kid, at least right now. You groaned loudly around Seungcheol as both snapped their hips. You whined softly.

You felt them both stop, letting you get use to the intrusion on the opposite end. The feeling of Jeonghan's hands stroking the skin of your back made you relax more, eyes closing. You fleeting wonder if you could fall asleep like this. Filled from both ends and warm. You hummed, mind hazy. Pushing your hips back was the go ahead they both needed. Seungcheol restarting his thrusts while Jeonghan started his. It was a wonderful feeling. Being so full of both boys.

It wasnt long after that you started getting squirmy and Seungcheol's pace got erratic. "Little one 'm gonna cum..." He released the grip he had on your hair, giving you the chance to pull away, only for you to swallow him down, groaning as his cum filled your mouth, coming around Jeonghan once he rubbed your clit quickly.

Jeonghan let you ride out your high with slow thrusts. "Can you hold on for me? Gonna let me cum too?" You nodded, resting your head on Seungcheol's thigh. Jeonghan started slow, the oversensitivity made your body feel like pins and needles were in it. You whined unconsciously as he sped up, letting him take what he needed as the sound of skin slapping fill the living room as Seungcheol strokedd your hair. Feeling his hips jerk you did your best to help him, clenching around him a few times before you whined as your second orgasm hit you just as Jeonghan's hits him.

He rubbed your sides softly as he slowly pulled out, letting you down as he moved to clean everything up and throw away his condom. "I know you dont want to get up..." He starts and you groan in response, not liking where the conversation was heading. "But you need to wash up. My sheets are expensive." You roll your eyes. Jeonghan was back to himself. "C'mon ill carry you." You looked up at Seungcheol, huffing as he stood up, picking you up and chuckling as you winced.

"Hannie did a number on you didnt he." You knew Jeonghan went hard but you werent sure if was hard enough to hurt. You guess it was. "T-throat." Your voice was shot. A cocky grin grew on his lips. "Aw, did i fuck your voice away?" You huffed, looking towards the bathroom where you assume Jeonghan had disappeared to.

He was in there, adding bubbles and his favorite bath salts. You noted that he was sharing and a soft smile grew on your lips before you were glaring at Seungcheol as he spoke. "Hannie you fucked her pretty well. I think i was better though. Her voice is gone." He smirked and Jeonghan rolled his eyes. You thought was going to be on your side. But this was Jeonghan, he was on his own side or whichever benefited him most. "This time maybe."

Your jaw dropped. Were they going to make this a battle? Whoever made you unable to walk or talk the most wins?" You sigh but let yourself be lowered into the water, looked up at Jeonghan with wide eyes, a pout on your lips. "Do you want me to join you?" You nod and Jeonghan sighs dramatically. "I have to make sure Cheol doesnt burn the kitchen....but its fine, he will probably stay in here." A glance at Seungcheol had him nodding his agreement, sitting on the toilet lid as he watched Jeonghan slip in behind you, hugging you to him.

"Can you grab our baby some water please, carefully make some tea for her too?" Seungcheol pouted. "Why should i leave..." He mumbled as he disappeared for a few moments to grab some water and bringing it back to you. "I dont wanna be away right now." He confessed, coming back to sit next to you both. "Ok?" He asked and you nodded, giving him an ok sign as Jeonghan washed off the sweat from you. "Im going to wash your hair, then we can lay down ok?" You nod, eyes closing.

You could live like this. living in the warmth of the two and their love. Maybe you could learn to love some of Jeonghans possessive tendencies. You, you could definitely live like this. Like a princess.

[thatoneapollokidevan]

Can i please request rottmnt famous actress! Female! Reader x all boys turtles?

Type; platonic, friendship, HCs.

The plot is about reader who joins April's school & tho everyone are going nuts over her (she's beautiful, have a career & they're fans of her work) the turtles weren't so excited because they thought she would be your everyday stereotype famous actress; spoiled brat, bossy...etc. So imagine their shock when they met her & find how of sweetheart, caring person she is.

I love this <3

Actress

Rottmnt x fem! Reader platonic

M/N = Movie’s name

C/N = Character name

• You were new to this school

• Since you’ve been homeschooled your hole life bc of you being an actress you were very excited

• The day you came you were already overwhelmed

“Omg Is that actually Y/N”

”isn’t she the girl that played C/N in M/N”

• As much as you were happy people thought you were a good actress you knew that people would take advantage of this

• It’s been a week at this school and you were pretty tired

• You haven’t talked to anyone making some people thinking you were rude

• That was until you got randomly paired up with this girl named April

• you were pretty awkward bc you weren’t used to this situation

• As much as you tried you couldn’t say

“i can do this” or “let me do this and you can do that”

• it made you believe you were rude and i think April thought so to bc that same day she went to the turtles to talk about this

“It was so annoying she didn’t do anything nor tried to help” she said laying down on the sofa

“Ugh i hate those people” Donnie said

“How could she think that is okay i mean you- she- ugh i can’t think right now” Mikey said

(bc i hc him to get really frustrated and might even cry when he can’t really word what he’s thinking)

“are you sure she just isn’t shy” Raph said obviously trying to be more mature of the hole situation

“Yo April next time ya’ see her look her straight into the eyes and say: You’re NOT the boss of me and you also need to help” Leo said with his hands on her shoulders”

“okay next time i meet her ill just say that*

*time skip to a couple days later*

• You were both at Aprils apartment to do the assignment

• You were still awkward bc this was a very new situation

• just when you were about to speak April suddenly interrupts you

“hey i know you’re an actress or whatever but that does NOT give you an excuse to be rude to people” she tried to be more calm but it still came out as a pretty harsh tone

“Y-yeah sorry” you said and started to work

*skip to after the sun went down*

•the turtles and April were out playing basketball as usual

“I GOT IT” Mikey said but then the ball bounced of the basket

“Great job Mikey” Leo said sarcastically

“Leo don’t be mean” Raph said noticing Mikey was pretty upset about it

• little did they know you were there going on a walk with your neighbours dog

• You saw the hole think happen and even though they were literally mutant turtles you saw that they were upset

• you tied the dog to a lamppost while you started to climb that tree

*the next day*

•since it was Saturday you decided to just walk to Aprils apartment you brought some homemade baked goods to apologise to April and give her the ball so she could give it to her friends

•when you knocked you got no response so you decided to open the door to be met by April and the four turtles

• They were staring at you like ‘why tf are you here’ kinda look

“I’m sorry to interrupt but i saw that you lost your basketball and i just wanted to give it back” you said not looking at them bc otherwise you would get to nervous

“Aw sweet” Mikey basically yelled

•They were pretty shocked you would even do anything like this bc they thought you were rude

“oh April I’m sorry i didn’t hell that much on the project but here” you place a basket on the floor that smelled amazing

“why are you doing this i thought you didn’t like me?” April asked

“well i- i dont dislike you i was just kinda nervous for the project and i- I’m sorry i came of as rude” you said

• they noticed you’re very serious and not just doing it bc you had nothing better to do

Let’s say they liked you more then they thought

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Yay I’m done and I’ll maybe do a part 2

[karda]

Hi guys i hate to ask for this but my dog Pluto has been hurt for weeks and we've been doing literally everything we can but he has to go to the vet, and we just dont have the money. He's got foxtails and cactus needles in his foot and hes losing a lot of fur and weight because he's so sick. My dad has talked to every vet around us and nobody accepts payments, and after explaining and showing vets pictures they told us if it doesn't get fixed soon he could get a blood infection and die. He can walk on it, but the blood infection and the foxtail/needles are unfixable without a vet and medicine. If we could take him to the vet he'd have to be muzzled and knocked out, so it'd be around $800 to $1000. Im not expecting to raise that, but literally anything would help. My dad has just started a new job and isn't making much yet and with paychecks so far apart he won't be able to spare the money for months. I don't want to go through my entire life story, but ive been through a lot of shit with this dog and he's protected me, my sibling, and my dad's lives multiple times. I don't want to lose him to this.

its kinda hard to take a picture of, some days its really swollen and horrible and other days it looks a bit better like the second picture. i absolutely cannot spread his toes to show you better because he will bite me.

im also an artist so if you donate on my ko-fi with a request i can sketch something for you. (if i have the time)

my ko-fi is ko-fi.com/karda

my p*ypal link (the name is in my dads name, ryan)

thank u for reading, please share if you can <3 love u guys

[trashy-0possum]

Lawless Headcannons

As we Know he has an job so he would defenitly have a apartment! And it would be one of the most coziest things to exist.

Would literally hord fluffy blankets.

Has at least 2 big bookshelfs filled with novels (mostly romance ones 😻)

His bathroom would be full of care products since he hates rough skin

Has a 30-step skin routine cant change my mind.

Loves baths he would even read his novels in the bathtub with some classic music in the background

I think he has extrem fluffy hair (even tho kuro mentioned that it is spikey)

Probably wears his glasses just for the aesthetic-

Wears fluffy and comfy pj's not just in bed but in the apartment or outside when its summer

Very cheesy romantic

Probably has the weirdest lines prepared for like every moment.

Has a diary and actually alot of notebooks each for one each theme

I feel like he would love to live in a big house with all the servamps and eves ((he just wants some love ｡⁠:ﾟ⁠(⁠;⁠´⁠∩⁠`⁠;⁠)ﾟ⁠:⁠｡

A morning person

Loves dogs his fav breed is probably a golden retriever (ik its basic but its true)

In the summer he would prob k*ll every insect he sees just k*illing it with clapping his hands together and squishing it- (my friend had that idea lmao but i think he would absolutely do that)

Very flirty with new persons but probably has bad memories of getting rejected alot...

Reads to fall asleep or just in bed

Has a reading corner in his bedroom (⁠っ⁠˘̩⁠╭⁠╮⁠˘̩⁠)⁠っ

The corner would be like a pillow ford were he can hide and just read

Extrovert defenitly.

Can be really annoying but just wants some attention

He smells sweet...he probably uses some expensiv fragrance but not those penetrating ones maybe a soft one

Wears scarfs>>>

Probably has a hohle collection of scarfs for each season

Loves jewlery

Has a big jewlery box and has to buy new one when he walks by a jewlery shop its like a dog seeing a stick he just has too.

Very clingy

Loves classic musik and theatres as we know and mostly spends his free time on concerts or shows...but when he feels extra he Just goes into a coffe shop and drinks a cappuccino while reading his new novel

I think hes a summer person but probably loves rain

Defenitly a Fall person>>>

Would definitely listend to rick Montgomery

Will listend to this song on repeat i swear:

Hehe those are my lawless Headcannons im prob gonna make more cause i have like thousands of him cause hes bbg<3

And ofc i will post more hcs of servamp charakters!✨

(feel free to send some requests! For hcs fics i dont really care hehe)

[girlhorse]

shout out to my first dog daycare job, who for some braindead reason worked together with this wildly incompetent dog rescue to foster some of their dogs; one of which was extremely aggressive toward men and had prey drive so high she wanted to kill small dogs, and others with extreme dog aggression and bite histories. One ended up biting a coworker during a dog fight so bad he needed surgery on his hand and was unable to use it for months. the dog attacked two customer dogs. He also bit a photographer doing his adoption shoot lmao. and yet he was still allowed to board with the kennel.

(i must also mention that NONE of these high energy dogs were being exercised daily. they were in kennels pretty muchall day except for quick potty breaks. Several had reactivity issues and were making the environment ridiculously stressful for the dogs that were there for daycare/boarding )

my first terrible experience with these foster dogs was when the two rescue owners came to the lobby (i was front desk girl) and wanted me to fetch both of the dogs to walk them together. It was a newbie mistake move but neither of them thought to inform me that they had DA issues. I walked both of them together on leash, and before I got to the lobby they started attacking each other. I didn't know what to do because i was not at all trained in dog fights so i held their leashes as far apart from each other as possible (im smallish so my armspan was short enough for them to reach each other's faces) and to this day its the only dog fight ive witnessed that drew a fairly significant amount of blood. (dogs were somehow ok with just lacerations but it was bloody!) (it got broken up when I managed to grab my walkie and yell for help)

the events that led to me being fired were also related to one of the foster dogs. This dog was over 100 lbs (not overweight), had a history of aggression toward men, dog aggression, and extreme prey drive. we had to use our walkie to warn other employees when she was being walked down the hall.

one morning, I was the only person to arrive to do opening duties and feeding; as my coworker had an emergency at home (break in) and we had about 60 dogs to feed and let out to potty. it was my first ever opening shift and neither of my supervisors came to the daycare early to help me.

i did okay by myself but i was taking a long ass time because no one could help me for hours. eventually my coworker showed up to help.

Relevant to this story is that we would "walk" dogs by letting them loose in a fenced area, there were multiple fenced in areas so there was about 4-5 yards each dog could use. They were left outside to potty *without supervision* because we would be having to move so many dogs and do so many feedings etc.

anyway

the events leading up to this Mistake are a bit unclear, since we were both walking and in the confusion it was hard to remember who did what (exactly why i hated when coworkers would split up duties without communicating with me properly) and somehow we both forgot that the small dogs were still out in the yard before moving on to the bigger dogs.

my coworker ended up bringing the massive, high prey drive dog into the yard with this poor little cairn terrier, realized what she did once she saw the little dog, but this massive dog was so strong that it pulled her across the yard and managed to bite the little dog. miraculously this dog only suffered one (deep as hell) puncture wound, and was able to be treated at a pet hospital.

we were both called in to the office and fired that day (actually dont know if other girl was fired) despite the clear cascade of events leading up to the incident. they just wanted to cover their asses to make nice with the client who's dog they almost got killed. it was a bad mistake! but all management systems fail, and human error is very real. and no one should be punished for shit like that when it's clearly a fault with the system in place. im still salty about it btw.

oh yeah! i was also only paid 10 dollars an hour for this job!

moral of the story is I'm never trusting any dog kennel ever with any of my dogs lmao

[1moreoffkeyanthem]

Wow what else is new I’m thinking about the a OrangeJuiceVerse again and Not Writing the completely unrelated story I’m working on ANYWAY!!!

OJV Stan is the ACTUAL sweetest boy on the planet and I WANNA TALK ABOUT HIS SOBRIETY!!!

Tw for alcoholism so it’s below the cut

I know I’m annoying abt ojv Stan’s sobriety, but it’s really, really important to me. I may have started the OrangeJuiceVerse because I saw this art of basketball Kyle and mascot Stan, but Broken Bottles From Apartment 2 is what actually solidified that au as an ongoing thing, and Stan’s sobriety is a cornerstone of that story.

As referenced in the aforementioned story, Stan stopped drinking at 25, and why? Because one day, a week or so after Kyle’s birthday, Stan had been off work and had been pulling from his secret bottle all day, and Kyle’s blood sugar hit a low. So Stan went to make him a KMBS (introduced here) BUT he was way drunker than he thought he was, and forgot how many ice cubes go in, and it hit him that if he was forgetting things like that, the drinking was a real problem.

Y’all it was SO bad Stan literally collapsed on the floor crying and Kyle’s like “dude dude WHAT what the fuck is it” meanwhile his dexcom is beeping and he fully forgot to eat at lunch bc work was busy so he’s also not doing well Stan is like “KY I DONT REMEMBER” they’re on the floor beside the fridge and Kyle is yanking it open and they’re sharing a bottle of Gatorade and Stan finally just spills EVERYTHING about how scared he is of his drinking habits, how like “yeah I know I’ll have a couple beers at night but it’s MORE than that” and Kyle is mentally REELING bc he didn’t think it was this bad, Stan is sobbing, Kyle is trying not to, Moose is curling his tiny cat body on Stan’s lap, they are all LITERALLY on the kitchen floor it’s the most heartbreaking scene you’ve ever witnessed.

And that night, Stan swears off alcohol. He dumps his vodka down the sink. He calls out of work and rides out the withdrawals over the next few days. A very freaked out Kyle is also calling out of his job to take care of him and he’s fucking terrified the whole time. But when Stan’s on the other side of the physical part? The self loathing tries to take him.

Kyle is fucking BEGGING him to go see one of his therapist friends, but Stan won’t do that, so Kyle’s like “okay it’s either that or we’re going to AA” and Stan picks AA bc even though he hates the idea of it (he went with his dad once when he was 9 and Randy Jackass Marsh got a dui) it feel less daunting than therapy.

And Stan winds up LOVING AA. Everyone at the local chapter is super chill. Ky goes with him the first few times, someone brought their dog, and this old man came up to him at the end, and they talked long after everyone had left Ye Olde Meetin Hall. Stan found his people in this group, despite being one of the youngest there, and that community is really important in his life. When he found out a few of them did an annual camping trip, that’s what really sold him on the whole thing.

So OrangeJuiceVerse Tweek comes into the picture abt 2 years after Stan stops drinking, and THAT was the thing that made me write BBFA2. Stan is THE support group king in the later OJV, and he just wants to help everyone, he’s Tweek’s sponsor, when they hit meetings it’s so kickass fuck I love them. The old geezers at the group are so fucking funny too, Tweek was terrified but stan told them they gotta chill out before he brought twerk.

Moose regularly comes to meetings and is a huge hit, they do a Birthday Night potluck every month (stan gets made fun of for not eating meat), and there’s not a single actually judgemental person there. Like Stan and Tweek are both in long term relationships with other men, and they’re in assfucknowhere Colorado, but the ONE homophobic asshole got put in his place REAL fast by everyone else there. When Tweek showed some people a pic of his husband the middle aged lady beside him at the table was like DAMN SWEETIE that’s one handsome man! Lmfao I gotta write a snippet of the ojverse aa group.

Stan and his sponsor RULE the group!!! They both have this charismatic energy and the old guy (his name is mark) is actually so cool, Stan may have been skeptical abt aa at first, but later down the line he’s showing up super early to hang with Mark and he’s greeting newcomers

Dude I’m crying abt Support Group King Staniel again

[kulemii]

i know i've been kinda not around as much on tumblr and discord lately but that's been bc this new job is kicking my ass. since i'm driving, i cannot safely check my phone throughout the day and the work is so fast paced so ya know... but here's a bit of an update for anyone curious:

i'm an official deliveryman ( i know i'm a woman but i like the way that sounds, dont check me) and so far i've delivered up to 200 packages a day. i've been on the road for roughly two weeks now (give or take) and so far i am LOVING IT!!! the time flies, there's no one bothering me throughout my shift so long as i do what i'm supposed to, i can listen to my tunes, talk on the phone (if anyone is ever bored enough to voice chat on discord someday let me know- i'd be down), although the job is face-paced it's still laid back which is perfect for my temperament- i could go on!

there are things i hate too like, being at the mercy of the weather, people that live in apartments with stupid set ups that dont leave instructions on how to navigate their complexes because that eats up so much of my time, when people dont answer their damn phones (eating up my time), businesses because they also eat up my time, also the weird sexism that happens like, sometimes women will be rude as fuck to me despite how polite i am to them then a male fedex or ups worker will come in, suddenly they're the nicest bitches on the planet (this has happened a couple of times- that's why i think it's sexism). another thing is dogs, people act like they can't fucking manage their dogs and i have to just accept it as inevitable that i will eventually be attacked by someone's dog at some point. when that happens, i will sue :) also, i technically work for a major company but the company i work directly work with is a subcontractor or some shit and they're a new, small company- super unorganized and i dont like an unorganized employer. i like to have confidence in the people that pay me.

all in all, i do like the job. i love it. i'm good at it and in fact give me a month or two and i know that i'll be excellent at it. i'm still learning right now.

oh but yesterday, i did make a decision that i don't want to stay long. i want to collect my experience and then i'll dip out for a company that pays more because this MAJOR MONEY MAKING MACHINE pays the least out of all the delivery driving companies. it's a shame. the reason why i made that decision is because yesterday the owner went on this weird speech about how she's older (55-not that old to be saying this shit) and wiser than all of us and no one can get one over on her because she's seen it all because she's ex-military. oh, and that she's hired 12 new drivers WITH experience so we're all easily replaceable if she sees we can't handle it lmao. babygirl... you're easily replaceable. you don't pay that well compared to the competitors nor are your benefits good.

next thing! i have orientation at my second job on the 9th which pays a few dollars more than this job doing kinda the same thing. it's part time but there are possibilities for full time. i just needed to get my foot in the door first. *in my nishiki voice* so, who did you say was easily replaceable? hahaha. anywho, i give myself about 6 months to a year at that main place, long enough to put the experience on a resume before i start looking for other options but i think driving may be my calling because i'm genuinely happy doing it already and i can see myself growing doing it.

i'm gonna be tired as hell juggling two jobs but duty calls 🫡

[kiango]

Weeping crying shitting

genuinely how am i supposed to survive without a dog. i think im dying. i want him back. i need him bacjk. this is a fucking nightmare WHY do other people's dogs get to live to old age and have grey muzzles and live their lives to the fullest when i did EVERYTHING FUCKING RIGHT and he died so fucking young. im doing to scream. i did everything. everything i physically could have. before he was even alive, even, i did everything to prevent. this exact thing from happening. and he is dead. its not fair its not fair its not FAIR!!!!! dogs are neglected and abused horribly all the time and live to be 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, and mine. 5. fucking 5. pampered from puppyhood and insured and religiously health checked and i get this shit.

i need him. i need him so bad. he didnt deserve to die like that. its. no one understands. no one. they all have had dogs die bhefore so they think they get it but they dont understand the enormity of what he was to me. he was all i had for a long time. he made me crawl from the deepest depths of my depression and he got me healthy and he made me a better person and he was my PARTNER. i LIVED with him in a STUDIO for 5 YEARS. I was ALONE in a new city with him. i did everything for him, everything in my life was tailored aroiund his comoft and happiness. the car? for him. the new house? for him. the old apartment? for him. the old job? for him. the current job? for him. my happiest was when i was giving all of myself to him and now hes. dead. hes fucking dead and i couldnt even be there for him in the end because no one KNEW that he had cancer so he. passed unexpectedly when he was being treated for his "illness" at the vet. I SHOULD HAVE BEEN THERE!!! FOR HIM!!!! he went in his sleep, thank god, but he was ALONE!!!I dont want to hear anyone saying that. maybe he preferred being alone. i know. but i needed to be there with him at the end. and i wasnt able to. everything is FUCKING empty and HORRIBLE and I NEED HIM BACK AND HES NOT BHACK! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I HATE THIS!!!!! I FUCKING AM LOSING MY GODDAMN MIND I HATE THIS!!!!! GIVE HIM BACK!!!!

[milo-is-rambling]

I was right I was right I was right she doesn't want to be in the same room as me. l am shaking like a small dog I am angry I am all teeth I am miserable. I just want to be loved I am so broken i just want to be seen. Just look at me just see me alone in my room on my floor. I want her to see me in my element sitting here creating and singing and feel love for me somewhere. Can she love me when I'm happy? Is she only capable of loving me when I have to pull the words from between her teeth myself? She only loves me when l'm sobbing and telling her how unlovable I am. she only loves me when it will stop me from killing myself. Why can't she love me when l'm happy. I am losing my mind. I am just a project to her I am something she can fix and I don't need fixing. I need a mother. I need family. I need love. She says she loves me tonight before she goes into bed. Yes she tells me but she says it as if she’s reciting a script. Says it as if she’s forgotten what the words mean. She says it as if it’s an inside joke I’m not a part of. Everything she says is see through. She’s speaking in code. Goodnight. I love you. (dont listen to me cry when I close this door, just go to bed) goodnight I love you. (please take your meds so I can stop worrying about you) goodnight I love you. (get a job and get out of my house) good night I love you (I wish I had died and not your father) good night I love you (don’t be dead when I wake up) good night I love you (I am going to sleep and you are my child. you are a mirror of all I could have been and I hate you for it, but you are all I have now. I need you.) she tells me she loves me and I realize that I am crumbling visibly once again. She can tell I’m falling apart. But I still feel warm in my chest hearing the words. She only loves me when I’m disappointing her.

[phanfictioncatalogue]

Faes & Fairies Masterlist

A Human Heart (ao3) - andthenshesaid-write (ladyknight1512)

Summary: Phil's mother has always said that there are creatures in the forest and Phil has always thought they were just stories. Then one day he runs into the forest looking for somewhere to hide and meets Dan, a man with antlers and the ability to talk to trees. Phil's world opens up but there are dangers in the forest that he can't even begin to imagine.

A shadow named daniel (ao3) - kitkattaylor

Summary: something magical

beat my heart just like a drum (ao3) - deathlytireddan

Summary: (Phil’s delicate fairy wings are smooth and glossy, fragile and easily broken, and made for flitting between trees, not the proper flying Dan can do. It’s a sore spot between them. Dan can leave whenever he likes and Phil can’t follow.)

do you believe in magic? (ao3) - darkesthorizon

Summary: Dan discovers a meadow of flowers where fairies made of flowers can grant you one wish. But there's a catch: your wish has to be pure. What does that even mean?

Fairymate. (ao3) - heyitsnxel

Summary: So, the thing is, Phil’s life? Yeah, it had never been normal.

I Just Want To Fly (ao3) - SonjaBlayde

Summary: All Phil wanted to do was to be able to fly.

Into the Woods (ao3) - dont-tell-them-i-write-phan (QueenBoudicatheGreat)

Summary: Dan had never meant anything to anybody his whole life, and he was actually pretty okay with that. He had two stable jobs (one which he hated, but it’s whatever), a little old lady that believed in every superstition ever, a friend who listened to him complain, and a dog that followed him home every day and ate his leftovers. However, a week after his twenty fifth birthday, when he’s cornered by something most definitely not of this world he learns that he may be a little more important than he thought. Also that his dog is actually a man with wings. That was a shock.

Louisette, or How Danaerie Got His Wings (ao3) - transdimensional_void

Summary: This is the story of a beautiful, confident fairy lady and her socially awkward, nerdy fairy friend, so just read it and be happy.

Love Like You (ao3) - xoPrincessKayxo

Summary: Fairy!AU- Dan and Phil are happy being the Guardians of the Fairies, making sure each fairy chooses the right path for their child. Until one day, when they make a decision that changes everything

only the sweetest words remain (ao3) - obsessivelymoody

Summary: Dan should have realised he was making a mistake when he deliberately veered off path during his morning jog.

The Last of the Anthousai (ao3) - americanphancakes

Summary: Phil is different from everyone else in his village. For one thing, his mother is dead. For another, she wasn’t human, so neither is he. To learn how to harness the powers he inherited from her, Philip enlists the aid of a Druid living at the edge of a mysterious forest. To make matters more complex, the forest’s waters are drying up and a beautiful flower nymph is telling Philip that he’s some sort of chosen one sent to the forest in order to protect it. How is Phil supposed to handle all of this? And who or what is causing the forest to slowly die?

They'll Tear Us Apart (If You Give Them the Chance) (ao3) - Yiffandquiff (paradisobound)

Summary: Dan was just a fairy in his little village of Vixedeler when a mermaid invades the waters and sends the village into a frenzy. A thousand year old rivalry is resurfaced and Dan is left in the middle of his village while also feeding his new connection with the mermaid, Phil. As tensions rise, and Dan falls deeply for Phil, a Romeo and Juliet love story begins.

voice on the wind (ao3) - CapriciousCrab

Summary: A life-changing injury leaves a desperate musician looking for a miracle. He finds it in the company of a Fae muse, but at what cost?

We Can't Magic (ao3) - dont-tell-them-i-write-phan (QueenBoudicatheGreat)

Summary: Choosing to stay in the Fairy World had been easy, but there were some unforeseen difficulties.