#i want therapy ❌ i need therapy ✅

[your-punk-mom]

Vash needs therapy Pt. 1

(FYI: My view on therapy is that everyone can benefit from professional support, at least at times. But some people *need it urgently, right now, and maybe long term*. It’s a tool, don’t judge.)

So here’s my personal rule: DON’T DIAGNOSE PEOPLE OVER THE INTERNET. It’s unethical, and even if I were qualified (I am not) it would still be wrong.

But Vash is fictional, so that’s ok. :)

I said previously that psychological character analysis tries to explain how a character’s actions flow naturally from their past, relationships, and assumptions.

Today, we’re going to mostly look at actions. And Vash’s actions say he’s got a Savior Complex.

Savior Complex (SC) isn’t a diagnosis of mental illness. It’s not even in any version of the DSM. It’s more like a state of mind, stemming from toxic beliefs and reflected in toxic behaviors. Anybody can develop this mindset, with or without an accompanying mental illness.

Thanks to not being a “disorder”, SC is not a big subject for serious academics, but practicing therapists write about it a lot, so my citations are a little bit informal.

My favorite version of a definition of SC is from Grouport:

The savior complex is a psychological construct that describes a person's need or compulsion to save others, often neglecting their own needs in the process. It's a behavior pattern often rooted in empathy, but when left unchecked, it can lead to unhealthy dynamics in relationships and personal distress.

Individuals with a savior complex often believe that their worth is tied to their ability to help others. This belief can stem from societal expectations that value selflessness and altruism, sometimes to the point of self-sacrifice.

Doing good deeds is not a bad thing by itself; it even has health benefits for both helper and helped. But taken to extremes, it becomes a problem. People with SC often damage themselves and others in the name of saving someone, even the target of their help.

WebMD has a pretty thorough list of behaviors and beliefs that can indicate a SC. Let's match some of what we observe in Vash's actions and words to these indicators.

Does helping or saving others:

✅Put you in danger physically if you try to save someone in a dangerous situation

Agreeing to duel the Officer Chuck Lee in Jeneora Rock; jumping back inside the worm to rescue the reporters; getting in the middle of Wolfwood and Livio's firefight; walking right into Knives' trap; taking a bullet for literally anyone.

✅Affect your mental state, especially if you aren’t able to save the other person

After Rosa kicks him out of Jeneora Rock, Vash tells Meryl he is smiling because "I don't deserve to cry"; refusing to talk after Jeneora Rock; refusing to eat for two days after Jeneora Rock, refusing to eat for weeks after the Big Fall (especially significant since he only eats for the joy of it); stating that that he “failed” to protect Rem, and so he *has* to save LITERALLY EVERYONE; after the Big Fall, lying about Nai's survival to Luida and Brad.

✅Cause you to neglect your own physical needs, which could lead to illness

Refusing to eat for two days after Jeneora Rock; refusing to eat for weeks after the Big Fall; Letting that one officer in JuLai shoot him over Jeneora Rock, when Vash easily could have dodged; letting the JuLai military police beat him up until he was bleeding, in Jeneora Rock.

❌Lead you to get burned out

Not Vash, but only because he's not human.

✅Affect your personal relationships

In Rosa's first appearance, she says Vash rescued the town before, and that any friend of his is welcome in her diner. But after the Nebraskas, EG the Mine, and Knives wreck the town and Knives steals the Plant, Jeneora Rock has no power or water, and they have an enormous quantity of injured and dead people. Rosa blames Vash and kicks him out.

Wolfwood and Vash continually fight because Vash wants Wolfwood to adopt nonviolence, while Wolfwood finds that totally impractical. This creates conflict when Wolfwood kills the giant worm, then again when he shoots Rollo as a mercy, and again when Livio turns up on the steamer. Vash wants Wolfwood to change, even against his own will.

And then there's Knives. //sigh//

Effin Knives... Let's just put a quote here from VeryWellMind:

They also can have problems in their relationships with family and friends, and frequently find themselves being taken advantage of by others. People close to a person with a savior complex just assume that person will take care of them, without any regard to their needs. It can lead to a toxic, one-sided relationship, where your boundaries and feelings are not respected.

🤷‍♀️Negatively affect the person or people you’re trying to help

This is less clear-cut, because lots of people blame Vash for events that others are acually responsible for (chiefly Knives). We could argue that his previous failures lead to people not trusting his intentions, and acting against his saving them... Or we could just talk about Rollo. Vash essentially failed Rollo twice, when he didn't return in time to prevent him being made a child sacrifice, and again 20 years later when Wolfwood shot him as a mercy killing. Vash was angry, but Wolfwood pointed out forcing Rollo to continue living in pain and misery was cruel, and Vash was not able to cure the monstrous changes done to Rollo. Wolfwood feels the killing was actually compassionate, but Vash insists he could have found a solution without killing.

If we call that one a half-point, giving us a 4.5 out of 6 behaviors. Again, SC is not an illness, this is not at all diagnostic, but it's enough to suggest talking to a therapist would be helpful.

There's other self-assesment lists and articles out there, and some lump Hero Complex into the same broad definition as Savior. I had accidentally confused SC with Martyr Complex in an earlier post. The difference really seems be that both people with a Hero or Martyr complex need acclaim or praise for the good deeds they do, but Vash doesn't care about rewards or recognition at all. Rosa said he fixed the plant before for free, and other than food or drink, we never see him ask for payment or even trade in exchange for helping anyone in Trigun Stampede.

---

Please tell me what you think of Part 1. Part 2 will cover the psychology of Vash regarding how his past relates to his beliefs, and if we have time, we can try to get into what that does to his relationships.

[pistachorlito]

ARO FOLKS I NEED YOUR WISDOM

Could it be that I'm aro?

I visited this site cause I realized (3 months in my first serious relationship. I'm 20yo btw) that being in a relationship makes me anxious and uncomfortable. I thought I could have commitment issues (and I'm going to start going to therapy this monday, can I hear a wahoo?) but suddenly I thought that maybe I'm aromantic.

Here are my responses to every item of the list that site has of common experiences of aro people.

Imagining your future

Marriage/a long term romantic relationship feels more like an obligation rather than something you want and are excited for. ✅

Feeling like your ideal future involves living with friends (or alone) with no romantic partner in sight. ✅ (Imagining myself married feels so off lmao)

You imagine what it would be like to have someone be in love with you, but never what it would be like for you to feel that way for that person.✅ (I thought this one was a maybe but yeah, i did that lmao)

Your “fantasies” of future romantic relationships, if you have them, aren’t really fleshed out or detailed at all.✅

You assume you will be in a romantic relationship someday but aren’t excited for it.✅

If you imagine a future partner, you struggle to picture details about them.✅

Friends with benefits seems like the ideal relationship to you.❔(maybe? Idk because since i'm demisexual... but I've definitely fantasized about being fwb with my actual partner)

Media

You hated romantic subplots in children cartoons/stories.❔(not hated them, just didn't care about it)

You loved friendship arcs in children cartoons/stories.✅

You’re favorite characters growing up never had romance as a major aspect of their character.✅

You love reading romantic stories/fan-fiction, but have no interest in actively pursuing one yourself.✅

You’re generally disinterested in romance stories. ❔(Idk because I like them but I definitely prefer erotic stories)

You assumed that crushes and romantic drama were made up for soap operas and romcoms. ✅ (until I saw real relationships full of drama and I thought they were being stupid but turns out it DOES happen irl lmao)

Being in romantic relationships

You’ve been in romantic relationships, but you’ve always felt like you were acting or playing a role in them.✅ (I agreed to a relationship with my prev ”boyfriend” out of spite lmao)

You’ve felt uncomfortable and suffocated in romantic relationships even though those relationships were seemingly healthy and happy. ✅ (He's just like me fr)

You accidentally said yes to a date because you thought your friend was asking to hang out.❌ (Not really because since people seem to think I'm flirting when I'm just being nice, I started thinking that people being nice to me were hitting on me too so I avoided them LMAOO)

Understanding others crushes and romance

You’ve looked up what a crush is supposed to feel like.✅ (So confused about what I'm feeling lmao)

Once you learnt about asexuals who are romantic you got super confused thinking “isn’t romance just friendship + sex?”.✅

Once you learn about polyamory you got confused because you thought romance was defined by some sort of exclusivity.✅

Romantic relationships seem constructed of arbitrary rules you could never understand.✅

You’ve never understood the difference between a best friend and a romantic partner.✅

Celebrity crushes make no sense to you.✅ (But that could be my demisexual side speaking lmao)

When you realized people actually want to act on their crushes you were shocked.✅ (YES-- I wasn't going to tell my partner I liked him, I just didn't want to regret doing nothing but now I regret doing it LMAO)

Whenever people described a crush it sounded like discomfort or a panic attack to you.✅

You never understood people being sad about unrequited feelings. After all, couldn’t they just flip their crush feelings off? ❌(No, what I don't understand is people that NEED to be in relationships)

You never understood the trope of friends with benefits vowing not to develop feelings and then the drama when one of them seemingly inevitably does. ❔ (I don't really read that kind of stories, but I do get it, I've talked about jealousy and love with a lot of people, but Idk)

Your ‘crushes’

You think you’ve had a crush on every single one of your friends.✅ (SO TRUE)

You frequently thought you might have crushes on people you actually were uncomfortable around. ❔

You *theoretically* wanted a romantic partner but anytime anyone showed interest in you you would avoid them.✅ (SO TRUE HOLY FUCK)

You’ve only ever had feelings for someone if they showed interest in you first.✅(THIS ONE IS SO TRUE )

You’ve only ever had crushes on celebrities, fictional characters or otherwise unattainable people that you knew could never actually turn into relationships.✅

When asked about your crush you would randomly and arbitrarily pick a person.❌ (I just said no lmao)

You came up with a list of things you would probably like in a partner and then found someone who fit those criteria and decided to have a crush on them. ❌(Not at all, I don't even have a type, but I've decided to be in a relationship with my actual partner because we've been friends for years and he seemed to be the perfect match for me so I thought “I don't have to waste an opportunity”).

Flirting

You’re oblivious to people flirting with you. ❌ (Sometimes yeah, but most of the time I confuse them being nice with them flirting with me because of the next item in the list...)

You’ve been told you were flirting with someone when you thought you were just being friendly.✅ (All the damn time, for a couple of months I stopped being nice because of THIS reason)

Understanding and explaining yourself

You thought you were bisexual/pansexual because there was no difference in how you felt about people, so you assume you’re romantically feeling the same for everyone.✅ (Pan and demi)

When someone asks you why you don’t date, you reply that you have more important things to concentrate on.✅

You thought the reason you’ve never had a crush or fallen in love was because you had super high standards.✅(no one seemed to make me feel in love like everyone describes what it feels like)

You thought you were a late bloomer and that eventually you’d experience some inkling romance long after most of your peers have started dating.✅

So that's the list. Now I'm asking aro folks if you're so nice to tell me, do you relate? Could it be that I'm aro, or could it be that I just have commitment issues? LMAO either way i'm talking about this with my therapist, but I'd love to hear your opinions.

[hscottfitch]

The Trouble Is...You think you have time...⌚️ ✅ You know how much money you have ✅ You know how you feel right now ✅ You know whatbyou need to do ✅ You know what you want to do ❌ You DON'T KNOW how much time you have That's why TODAY is a gift...it's the 🎁PRESENT O P E N I T ! Let's Go! Scott ⁣ .⁣ .⁣ .⁣ .⁣ .⁣ #comfortzone #dispatch #goodcause #makeadifference #mantra #namaste #prisma #suho #thepresent #therapistofinstagram #therapy #thismoment #thoughtoftheday #thoughts #today #truelove #valueyourself https://www.instagram.com/p/Cn4jP5gOqX_/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[lokisprettygirl]

You're a simp for loki I get that (We all are) but you didn't have to make birdy a villain in her own story.

Reply under the cut because I don't want to spoil. Only read if you have read the chapter.

I'm sorry you see it that way, but I didn't intend to portray her as a villain, and I don't think her actions are villainous in the least, she loves him , she cares about him but she made a mistake. She got overwhelmed and dealt with it in a poor way. Now I'll describe what she did wrong purely from a reader's perspective and not from the writer's (Calling myself one makes me cringe but let's go with it 😂) perspective.

She wanted him to get therapy. Good girlfriend, that's what any of us would do ✅

Him ignoring her concerns. Bad loki ❌

Now this could have gone two ways,she could have let it go and she could have talked to him about it later when he was not reliving the trauma in his head. Because imagine you just shared a traumatic incident with someone you trusts, and they're like "Man you should get some therapy" I don't know about you but I would absolutely not want to talk about therapy right after I shared how I was assaulted..but he asked her to let it go and she did right. Good, she should have waited a few days to talk to him about it again, maybe when he was a little vulnerable and more open to discussing it.. but what she did?

She started her sentence with "I can't do this, I can't do us" ❌

In her mind she's thinking that she needs few days off from him, but she started her sentence as if she wanted to stop seeing him altogether? 🤦‍♀️

"You drop a bomb on me" ❌

Girl stooopp, you asked him to drop his bombs, you asked him to share his past, he never opened up to you, he already felt a certain way about the abuse but you wanted him to open up so he did? Now he's affirmed that he was hurting her all this time by sharing?

“I can’t do this Loki, I’m not that strong, my life was normal a year ago and now it’s full of whatever this is and I can’t take it, I can’t deal with your past" ❌

Again she's clearly talking as if she wants to let him go completely and her saying how her life was normal before, clearly not something he wanted to hear from her. Just thinking about it hurts me.

 I just want to focus on what I came here for ❌

Uhhh when did he stop her or asked her to not do that? He supported her throughout that and motivated her in his wrestler loki ways. But her saying that to him made him feel as if he was being a bump in her road to success, as if he was being a burden.

Even after all this, she expected him to stop her from leaving? If she did she's delusional, and immature and that's exactly what she would learn from this experience. It doesn't make her a villain but a flawed human instead.

➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖

I know when it's reader insert, you guys want angst but you don't want to see the female character doing something bad or awful to the love interest because you want him to obsess over how perfect we are but I can't write a Mary Sue character because I'm not her.

Nobody complained when loki was a bitch to us before, everyone sympathised with birdy as we should have at that point but when he needs the sympathy suddenly he's awful for not wanting to go to therapy? I don't get that.

[finpai]

It’s that time of the year again huh 😳 Time 2 post the outcomes of my resolutions for last year + new resolutions for 2021!

2020 Outcomes:

• Get the FUCK over this kidney infection bc I couldn’t do that last year apparently !!! ✅ Took me a hot minute to get over it but I am kidney infection free 😌

• Work on personal art a lot more. I want to try to fill up a sketchbook and at least doodle something every day ❌ Couldn’t find the time or motivation to do the sketchbook thing, though it’s still something I’d like to shoot for!

• Figure out what I really want to major in: 2D animation or printmaking ?? ✅ Printmaking major baybeyyyyyy

• Keep positively building on my relationship with my girlfriend. We’ve been doing great so far but there will always be stuff to work on and I want to grow together and go the distance with them :) ✅ We’ve grown a lot this past year! Pandemic especially showed us that we do well living together and supporting each other the best we can

• Move into an apartment! also with my girlfriend ❤️ ✅ Moved in at the end of April and loving where we are! Would definitely be more enjoyable if we didn’t have to spend 24/7 here but that won’t last forever at least

• If an apartment happens and we can afford it, I’d like to get another cat! Amelia needs a buddy! ✅ Adopted Zoey a week after our 1 year anniversary, she’s settled in well and her and Amelia are good buddies now 😸

• Find a better balance between work, school, and social life. Terrified that my job starting in February will run me ragged but fingers crossed I can handle it! ❌✅ Sorta both on this one? Social life went to hell but for obvious reasons no one could help. Lost the first job due to the pandemic but was able to get a much better low-key one on campus. Work and school balance has been pretty alright at least but still needs fixing

• Keep working on my mental health/taking medicine. I’ve been w/e about taking my meds and making it to see my therapist so I’ll be trying hard not to this time around ✅ Currently on 3 new medications and was diagnosed with ADHD inattentive type at the end of this year. Meds help a lot and so does therapy ! Still definitely have struggles but I’m better off than before at least

• And one last resolution I’d love to accomplish, getting strong enough so I can pick up and carry my beloved bridal style ;) ❌ Again, pandemic kinda nixed this one 😔 Though school could have as well since upper level classes take up so much time. One day I’ll be there though!

Resolutions for 2021:

• Actually use my planner for stuff since I’m horrible at remembering things! As well as use it for bullet point journal entries of each day

• A liddle drawing every day! Either in a sketchbook or in the planner since it has space for that

• Make more home-cooked meals when I have the time for it, I like cooking for me and my girlfriend :)

• Text family more often, grandparents especially. Visit more often too when it’s safer

• Find a better balance in work/social/school/personal life

• Continue growing and making positive memories with my girlfriend 💚

• Keep the apartment cleaned up for the most part and finish cleaning the areas that haven’t been touched yet

• Do schoolwork on time !!! I procrastinate too much, just need better time management in general 🤦

• Apply for and get accepted into the BFA program/if accepted, figure out idea for exit show

• Maybe not getting up to the bridal style carry, but it would be very sexy of me to be able to pick up my girlfriend easier 💙

This is so long I’m so sorry pls give me one pass to make a long post since I only ever reblog shit 🥺 ily all and hope you have a wonderful new year !!!