#i want to stop existing but i cant do that bc it would cause like four ppl to be very sad!!!!

[moeblob]

What Deacon thinks: what did that mean? did he want me to wear a collar too? why else would he mention my neck? i mean, if he /asked/ me i would wear one but he didn't so would wearing one be weird?

What Ymber meant: It's nice to be near someone who isn't tethered to this world to serve it with a physical reminder for all to see.

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[anti-katsuki-lounge]

About the new shittest chapter....so afo is dead thanks to himself...and bk didn't do much...

SHIG IS STILL "DESTROY ALL" AND IS SORRY BUT GLAD AFO IS DEAD?! LIKE CANT HE MAD ABOUT AFO...AND STOP THE WHOLE "DESTROY ALL"

Also he menaged to stole a quirk from Izu...even through it was stated you cant steal ofa(he got danger sense) but he did...and Izu got broke fingers.

Its not a joke Hori hates his MC and Shig. I'm speechless, but not surprised. I knew he would be a coward but damn...way to make his mc pathetic and irrelevant, way to make shig utterly pathetic. Why he even wants destruction? He canonically stated how this doesnt make him happy at all.

The thing here is: we cant even label "bad cope mechanis" bc we know so lil about Shig. We do see him in flashbacks chilling, he can be without "destroy all" its just Hori having no idea what to do with Shig.

He shows no remorse.

He shows no critical thinking.

Afo is dead.

Izu could, theorically, kill him. Yeah heroes dont kill but shig is a soulless monster by this point.

I’m guessing AFO rewinded himself to death. Still haven’t read the leaks 😂

I think Tomura wants to kill the world cause he hates it. There’s literally no other reason I could think of tbh 😂

Him stealing danger sense is hella dumb, especially since it’s been engraved in OFA, the quirk that can’t be stolen. Thankfully Tomura did steal what was probably the worst of the quirks so maybe Hori’s setting Tomura up to be paralyzed by the quirk just like how Izuku was when the angry mob wanted to kick him out. I dunno 🤷‍♂️. I realized that Hori loves to throw his own rules out the window so much that any sense or reason that once existed in the story no longer applies.

[punkbxt]

the people in charge of nutrek dont care about the ideals and premise of star trek and star trek: picard is its biggest tell. its a story that would have been much better if they hadnt brought back legacy characters but also would have been much better had it not been written at all because nobody wants more space cops

the moment picard decided to wash his hands clean of the romulan android situation was the moment i knew that oh this isnt the picard everyone has come to know and love. at his core who he is someone that would not let anyone die if he could help it. like thats his thing if he has the power to help he will!! and yeah sure thats shown in pic too but he literally was like ‘fuck you federation im not gonna help u ignore the romulans cries for help’ when he fr coulda just asked for forgiveness after helping with the power he had as a respected captain or whatever he is. something EVERY oldtrek captain has done time and time again

and yes! characters and their ideals change over time but not fucking like THAT

pic takes a tragedy, a genocide, and takes the romulans, a species that has for the most part always been the enemies of the federation and makes them easy prey. it makes them evil except for those that defected or disguised themselves (look up white passing and what it was actually for and why its a thing). and to put it into more understandable words:

lets say the federation is usamerica (bc for all intents and purposes thats literally what it represents) and that the romulans represent people of color and jews. pic serves for us on a platter that the genocide was just another thing that happened and “its okay they died anyways. romulans have never been on the side of the federation and never wanted to be anyways so no loss” this is what the federation believes

pic has been severely affected by white supremacist and antisemitic ideology and like while yeah science fiction is used to discuss and challenge the oppression we experience today, youd think a franchise that has always preached about diversity inclusion and acceptance would finally get over mass genocide of a “lesser” race as a form of storytelling. its uncomfortable and not in a way in which it makes you think but in a way that shows that even hundreds of years in the future vitriol prevails and it fucking sucks. its harmful towards people of color and jews when even in science fiction we cant escape that someone out there wants us dead

we’ve had enough of white supremacy and antisemitism taking a lil seat at the table to cause ruckus there are 100% other things that could have created and interesting dilema. the federation is literally on some cristobal colon shit n the more nutrek that gets made the less star trek holds up the ideals of diversity inclusion acceptance and love that it preached from its inception. we are instead given a narrative that yeah no matter how long you fight no matter how hard you fight you will NEVER win because systemic racism always wins in the end. its a tired and weak narrative and just goes to show if you dont have any other engaging stories to tell just stop telling the stories and stop ruining characters by making them do things they absolutely wouldnt even stand for

we r stuck with characters that suck up to other characters just because of their legacy and the writing when everyone deserves to be way more mad at picard. sidenote all of the genuine progress that has been made in television with diversity and representation has gone like 20 steps back when it comes to portraying people of color bc not ONE from the main crew passes the paper bag test (again ive only seen season one) which further goes to show white supremacist ideals subtly shining through

the point of star trek is that there will be a better more welcoming loving kinder future than the present and the past. and yeah theyve never been good at portraying that exactly because hope cannot exist without despair. but if you do not learn the mistakes of the past you are bound to repeat them and clearly these writers have not been studying the source material

hope this helps idk man i just b saying shit sometimes sorry if some stuff is repetitive

[astroyongie]

i honestly feel like i was born in the wrong era. either im too old for something or someone or im past the point of being able to achieve something. then when looking at how all these kpop groups are so young yet successful and talented just makes me question why i didnt do something like that.

we didnt have kpop in my school time but why couldnt i have just picked something and stuck with it? on top of it i believe im never going to fit anyones ideal type so whats the point in existing cause no one gonna truly get to know me.

unless i can somehow pass away before im 50 then i dont have to continue to think about all this shit and how i shouldve done better or i shouldve picked such and such a career and i shouldve tried to put myself out there more but in my age theres really nothing out there to seek when its all handed to younger generations.

and i would want to have my own success based on my own effort but have fallen short in so many ways its impossible to not find something i could do about it bc im too far behind and it does get to a point where you think that it is too late bc in order to gain any talent you have to have done it from a young age.

i dont want to rely on someone else to do it for me but i couldnt do it myself due to personal situations. yet i feel like thats an excuse cause once again all these young idols seem to be ro have something about them that makes their life a success. like yes the end inudstry is far from perfect but thats what people have been seeking themselves so it cant all be that bad all the time for them if these groups including older age groups have went out got success and even they get all the benefits of the super rich lifestyle but at the same time money doesnt bring true happiness and it seems a very shallow way they live sometimes, they have a supply and demand contract with their audiences and rely so much on social media which although i use it im not attached to it and i cant relate to obsessing over latest dance trend. i also want to stop the woe is me narrative but its really fucking hard to not feel so ashamed, behind or negative about things.

the most advice people gove is bog standard like if ur bored, go out more but its hard not to feel left out, if ur loney go find someone, if u dont have an income go get a job its literally never that simple. even in education you still have to pay for it as an adult meaning you have to already have a job but even then theres still means of you getting misjudged for your age and classmates have already done that to me before it wasnt that fun. its like saying to someone depressed to go take medicine to take away the feeling.

idk what im doing anymore besides waiting to randomly pass away so i can be done with this shite. sorry for ranting so much but idk who else to speak too bc no one else never seems to understand my frustrations with the way things have panned out.

Comparing yourself to others people archievement is the worst thing you can do. because we are all different, we all go through different shits (just like you rightfully said) and not all of us have the same opportunities presented. beating yourself up for that is a cruel thing to do wishing yourself.

It does also seem like you struggle a lot with self worth, self love and that is probably because never once someone complimented you for the things that you have achieve (to this point were you believe you havent achieved anything).

Love, hatred that you carry is a motivator, and you need to accept one thing. as long as you are breathing nothing is to late to archive, as long as you are here you should be kinder to yourself. because why are you comparing yourself to idols? I often say this here but when was it the last time you appreciated life? when was the last time you went out, stared at the ocean, at the night sky, breathed into a forest, when was the last time you felt a sense of peace? seek that out. dwelling on what we could have been is cruel hun, and not helping you in any kind <3

its okay to rant, dont worry, I hope I dont sound to harsh either, its just that I pains me seeing you guys going through so much suffering when I promise you all, darkness cannot live without light. just find your way back to it, often you dont need a big reason. sometimes the most tiny thing can be a source of happiness, seek yours !

[cosmicdream222]

sorry to be morbid again but do you think we can manifest passing away early? im honestly past the point of wanting to exist and just want to get over this thing that im supposed to be a successful person but im not so idrc if i do or dont live

so many ppl on tarot related blogs ask about their fs but if we dont meet them does it matter and would they just move on with their life? like i think u have to have ur life put together but its genuinely so hard to do these days so i hope my fs wont be sad at all when i die cause i wouldnt be able to make tnem truly happy anyway cause im not happy myself with how things have been

ideally i wouldve done something in a sport or music but that ship sailed long ago and now im so stuck but id hate to be reliant on someone else and i shouldve moved out into my own place but housing is ridiculously expensive where im from and taxes dont help anyone. it takes years and years to pick up a talent so i have wasted those years and ik im just going to struggle to get past 50 if i were to have my own place bc minimum wage jobs suck arse and i dont want to be doinng something lame not that its lame for others to do it, its just not what i wanted to have done at all

you cant even get a degree without needing to fork out hundreds and thousands so yeah none of its easy and sure you can try subliminals but lets face it the systemn we are in is fucked up big time so rn i cant even bother with daydream about how it could have been or the what ifs i had done smth differently or if i had any talent but then theres still the, im too old and too foreign to do any sort of music as most successful groups nowadays are korean and even if i tried to do what they did it would probs end up killing me some way or other

its just either about having to be wealthy or having some type of talent both of which id fail at anyway as i shouldve done it years ago like a normal person who goes from being so so at something to being great at something.

i truly think i was born in wrong generation or i just shouldnt have been born at all then i wouldnt have to fret constantly abt these types of things. i think if the government genuinely sorted shit out for once and helped society ppl would be happier to work for less but im not happy at all with the current state of things. i feel guilty for existing and i hate it sm like god just let me end my life pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeee there is nothing worthwhile in store, ik we could try shifting subliminals but have those genuinely worked? like u exit this reality and straight into the one you wanted originally? but then i might as well just pass away cause id have to know what i want in another reality

My dude, take a deep breath. You’ve ranted about all this same exact stuff a bunch of times now and I’m just gonna repeat the same thing I said to you last time:

All of that stuff you mentioned about your current reality is an illusion. Time is an illusion. It does not matter what you’ve done in the past. The economy does not matter. Your present circumstances do not matter.

I’ll add to that: Whatever some tarot reader or TikTok psychic says definitely does not matter. Idk what fs means but I’m guessing something like a twin flame and that is especially 1000% bullshit.

The spiritual community has created an incredible amount of false narratives to make excuses and blame outside forces for why things aren’t going their way. None of it is real. Seriously forget everything you learned about fate, karma, astrology, or anything else that’s saying something else is in control. Reality is an illusion. YOU are in control.

You don’t have to identify with any old bullshit anymore. Stop repeating the old story and think about what you do want. You can have literally ANYTHING! You say you don’t know what you want, ok, but you know what you don’t want, right?

I don’t want to work -> I want to live in a reality where I don’t have to work.

There, you just figured out something you want! It’s that simple.

I totally agree that this society is a horrific shitshow and I don’t want to be aware of it anymore either. But it’s just one version of reality available. It’s not the only reality and it’s not the original reality. You don’t have to be aware of it anymore if you don’t want to be.

You also don’t have to involve death at all. There’s a lot of misconception in the shifting world which has lead to concepts like “permashifting” and “respawning”, but those just all assume this current reality is the original one. It’s not.

Have you watched The Matrix? It’s really more like a documentary than science fiction lol. Just like in the movie, we are being tricked by a simulated virtual reality, controlled by a society that’s using us for our energy. Just think of reality as an escape room. We’re escaping the Matrix. Once you figure out how to leave, you don’t ever have to go back. There are infinite realities available to you, and none are more real or right or original than any others. Remember, death is not an ultimate, nor does it exist in all realities.

I am scripting a utopian reality with my best friend where there is no death, aging, or illness. Everyone is a master manifestor so they always get whatever they want. Nobody has to work and there isn’t even a need for money because we can manifest anything instantly. We can just relax and get massages all day. Everyone lives in peace and harmony and abundance. Animals are treated as equals to humans, we can all communicate with each other, and we can all fly and teleport. Because why the f not? 🤷🏻‍♀️😂

And if you really don’t want to exist (I’m guessing that other ask from a couple weeks ago is you too lol) you don’t have to exist in this reality, or any other. Removing your awareness from all physical reality is known as entering the void. You exist there as pure consciousness, and you can stay there as long as you like. It is you as your highest self. There’s nothing negative about it.

As for the whole subliminal thing, shifting subliminals are just one method. Shifting = manifesting = deciding what you want and experiencing it. It’s something we are always doing and is available to all of us. You don’t need any methods to shift besides intention. We just use methods to convince/calm the annoying human brain that is programmed with society’s limits.

[limpfisted]

so. fun facts about the blood war! and devils vs demons, and how the distinction is important!

the blood war is this huge thing in dnd. demons are from the abyss. all they want is to cause chaos and eat the whole fucking world. devils are lawful evil, their entire economy and existence is war profiteering souls and afterlives as slaves to FIGHT the demons. the devils hink theyre doing the world a favor fighting demons, and are even “allowed” to corrupt souls bc theyre a necessary evil to fight the blood war. without the devils, demons would take over the universe. without demons, devils would have no purpose, as law has no purpose without chaos. devils in gen are p much forced to fight demons witnout fail, and the ONLY place they can really die and lose their immortality fighting demons in the blood war and like. there is nothing after their death as a devil. its a genuine sacrifice theyre making, putting themselves in danger!for the good of the realms.” and unlike devils—demons can never die, they just pop back up in the abyss. war, endless war, suffering, endless suffering. an economy of making more devils, even more devils, cant stop making more devils, cant srop profitting off of the war, even devils suffer, and anyone can become a devil thru deals or just being evil enough. (and the deals are never fucking FAIR but you get exactly what you pay for.)

zariel was once an angel. she wanted to get involved in the blood war so bad that she took wlturel’s hellriders down to the hells. they betrayed her and left her for dead and never told a SOUL, where asmodeus foundher under a “mountain of enemies she herself had slayed.” instead of killing her, he offered her the chance to fight demons forever

while zariel has literally done nothing right in her life, ever.

the devils in dnd 5e are incredibly sympathetic. (so is, imo, lolth/drow, shar, the druegar, orcs.) and zariel is not evil without reason, shes not some kind of pervert that is sexually abusing anyone. she tortures people SPECIFICALLY to make them better soldiers. i doubt she understands them anymore as slaves than she is to asmodeus. she wants to wipe demons off the map. she wants to end the war.

devils are reasonable to a fault. they are gendered and only by human expectations. they live and want to live full, rich lives of selfishness, but they are bound by the needs of an endless war they can never stop-#they have mansions, pleasure islands, they have jails, they have courts and paperwork. they are bound to the souls they corrupt, they are bound to each other and a hierachy of bureacracy and backstabbing and torturing each other all within the confines of evil unjust laws they themselves uphold.raphael and mizora are outliers in their amount of power, most are little more than slaves, “soldiers” like karlach who were once human, who sold their souls and lost their humanity and FREEDOM—but also examples of how they have to humiliate and debase themselves playing with mortals and “more powerful devils” like zariel who they hate who they must believe are beneath their station. (they have no shame, of course. but they have pride.)

it would be far easier to be a mindless demon. at least they would be free!

imagine you are judged by human morals, because you dare to give someone what they ask for in turn for them simply committing their service to the SAME war you did. that benefits THEM. that benefits their FAMILY and their CHILDREN, its not like theyll be a lemure forever. fight in the blood war, risk ur immortal life, bow to ur superiors, get tortured a bit by them like every devil is tortured and humiliated, ull get promoted, and then u can deal with whining humans talking about how evil and unjust you are for existing. even tho u may have been one of them, once.

i imagine raphael and mizora think wyll and karlach are the most exhausting ppl in the world

necessary evils, baby! and if u think devils ARENT necessary. well. look up dnd demon portals. and what happens when demon portals take root.

tho this is all. to play. devil’s advocate. lol

slavery is obviously wrong and u shouldnt torture people…. like… duh LOL

[yuridovewing]

actually…. now that im having thoughts on clear sky in my au as an overarching antagonist… i wanted to put a dotc character in the dark forest that is there solely for unfair reasons that clear sky can harp on throughout the series as this manipulative disgusting person who is satan incarnate, and everyone buys it bc of the propaganda throughout the decades, only for oots to reveal this character to be like… not a good person, sure, but someone whos just been broken and forced into that position for years. someone who just wants to stop existing entirely now but cant because their memory lives on for all the wrong reasons. and its like… a revelation for ivyleaf that the dark forest is full of despicable evil people, yes, but its also a symptom of a corrupt system that enables a cycle of suffering.

and i was torn on who exactly this cat would be. like, i think gray wing is an obvious and tragic candidate, but i kinda want to keep his status as this “wise sage” who is respected throughout the years but in reality was just a cruel enabler and stickler for the tragedy his brother created. while its cool to rewrite him into the tragic figure people want him to be, i dont think thats where i want to go with him. i was thinking bumble too, but honestly… her story is just SO awful that i really want to give her a happy ending where after shes left for dead, shes found by a nice twoleg who lets her be a bookstore cat. shes used as a fearmongering story for the clans, but she had a peaceful death and was happily put through the reincarnation cycle. one eye is also a good candidate as someone who was basically created to make clear sky look less bad, so i was leaning more towards him…

but the more i think about it, the more i actually think star flower fits the role the best. like, she is treated like dogshit in canon and her “crime” of letting her dad know hes gonna get assassinated is treated as equal to or worse than clear skys war crimes. even in the fandom, while i know its not at all meant as an insult, shes seen as a manipulative villain who has horrible intentions and wants to cause chaos. when in reality, shes also a victim of clear sky.

i dont think she has his kits in this au, nor is there gonna be a father/son love triangle plot, but she is still romantically involved with clear sky in a fucked up cycle of abuse way. and i think what happens is that she takes away some of his lives, maybe even his last, when she finally reaches her limit and assassinates him, to avenge herself and her father. shes placed in the dark forest and this story is rewritten as a cautionary tale against letting outsiders into the clan- theyll manipulate their way to the top, and try to rot the clan from within.

her name may be something different in the dark forest, something correlating to “rot”. like “rotting flower” or something.

i realize i did a little tangent about not wanting bumbles suffering to be dragged out while… kinda doing that to star flower instead. but like ok at least star flower will get some W’s i think. i’ll let her double kill thistleclaw as a treat or something.

[the-kr8tor]

Im thinking of the fae hobie series and specifically one of the endings. I need hobie to get revenge like so bad, i cant stop thinking about what could happen if he kills that stupid thing. Even if its a little to late since the cycle is already broken and he wont ever see you again. It gets me trying to think of more positive endings begause like what if hobie cant exist without that thing? Like what if the horrible monster thing and hobies lives are like together. Like both of them have to be alive or neither are, and what if hobie doesnt know that. So when hobies going to get revenge and when he kills the thing, it kills him. (I dont know my minds going to a weird place its like 7am in the morning for me almost 8)

I dont know that series kills me (i need more of fae!hobie, i love him so much if it isn’t obvious) it kills me because no matter what just eating the bread just pushes off the nightshade until later, and hobie feels guilty for letting you live but you cant seem to leave him. Even when you do leave him and break the cycle you never truly leave him. You are his heart and it has basically been torn out of his chest. Im trying to like think of more happy endings even if both are bittersweet because reader will always eventually die. (even though their is none, im just tryna cope with the pain that series gives me)

Man that series kills me and i dont even read it on a daily basis (i think about it on a daily basis it doesnt leave my mind)

I could go on a rant about fae hobie. It’s probably gonna be the exact same with the pirate hobie series, cause i just inow that shits gonna be angsty.

Im gonna like have to request for you to just like calm down with the angst and making me cry ao badly/j

The the ttn series is also upsetong but it still ends on a good note, then theirs just the fae!hobie series that says ‘no’

Fae hobie takes up my thoughts and im not scared to admit that (he has made me cry multiple times, whenever im sad now and dont have a reason im gonna blame it on fae hobie)

I love your writing so much, it needs to stop living in my head rent free. I really do love your writing so so much though, even if it makes me sad.

Oh my love, every version of Hobie stays in my mind forever like i really want to make tf a comic or something bc i just love how I plotted that especially my notes were so messy and I still can't believe I didn't fumble the story through my writing.

That's a really great theory! Either way he's already dead inside whether or not he kills it because you're not with him anymore 😞

I specifically made tf the angstiest thing I've written bc i needed to get all the sadness out on paper or I'll burst. And im really glad you still loved it even though it's very sad. (Tf needs more love tbh or angst for that matter) (also writing angst is my specialty before I started writing fluff. Oh if only my og story would see the light one day ☹️)

"you are his heart and it has basically been torn out of his chest" you're so right for that 😭 imagine that but a hundred times over the centuries he's been alive (that line goes hard tho)

I'm really happy that my work has made you feel things bc I've always been insecure in my writing, so thank you so much for showing your love in tf and my other works! This warms my heart ❤️

[franciskirkland]

Alright to start this ask off I'm just gonna say my interactions w/ you have genuenly been one of the funniest ive had in a long ass time. I've read ur recent post and I empathyse a lot. You seem incredibly funny and genuine. Idk your situation and your background and even your age, but I think you can and are pulling through. Things will get better even if you dont actively want them to. Im not saying this in a vague hope to make the situation you are in better. Im telling you, as a person who from the age of 14 went from therapist to therapist, somehow been on meds that dont fuckin exist yet in croatia, someone who feels trapped in the very /country/ she lives in with no means of escape, someone who is "waiting" for things to finally financially/academicaly/politicaly be better so that I can make something of my life. As it did for me, you will feel joy again in what you do, in what you have, and in what you can achieve. I think it's ok to be down, its ok to feel like "if a bus hit me tomorrow i wouldnt protest" but the thing about people is we adapt rather quickly. So putting yourself out there, going to places you are scared to and believe yourself to be an outcast from is exactly what gets you to meet people and see things that youll remember forever. And after a while the outcast will stop coming to these places, the person there will be someone who belongs. Apathy is a way of saying "fine whatever i dont even care anymore" but youll see how much you care.

I started getting ok after a full decade of *trying* and what I've always found is that for me the saying "don't take anything seriously" is no.1 rule. I get worked up, anxious and overwhelmed with so much so many times.

You may have problems with people at work with friends and whomever, but the main thing you gotta remember is *you cant change anyone but yourself*

And its not a change of personality, hair color, interests, its how much something will get to you, how willing are you to give something up thats not working out and how you will percieve something.

I have no doubt that you know all of this crap but i guess i wanted to say all of that just bc there is no greater pain for me than when i see someone feel like i did regardless of the reason or situation.

Keep on truckin and doing what u love even if its mpregfrance posting. I will always be here to send you to liking-france-jail, mwah <3

hello my sweaty angle <3 i'm sorry i'm just replying to this now. i had to sleep on it because your thoughtfulness deserves a sincere reply.

first of all - thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for being so kind, sweet and insightful and offering your support.

the fact that you would take the precious time out of your day to write this out for me is, in a word, unbelievable. i really appreciate you checking in, it's an incredibly caring thing to do. to be honest i'm a little overwhelmed by the magnitude of this unexpected message and i wish i knew how better to express my appreciation.

i really do love to hear that i made you laugh. i live to shitpost. i've always prided myself on my sense of humor and sometimes i feel as if it's slipping away, so it's reliving to hear i've still got it.

unfortunately i still haven't had the strength to eat. i'm heading to work in a bit. things are pretty rough right now, but when have they not been? obviously my present circumstances aren't the root cause of all my problems. in fact my life has improved since moving here.

extensive bianca lore and vulnerability under the cut, apologies in advance.

basically, in so few words, my current situation is that i'm nearly 25 and have nothing to show for it. i've lived in different cities across the US, had great jobs, apartments, friends, roommates, relationships, etc. i have done a lot of living in a short amount of time. but then, in retrospect, it feels like it stopped.

about 3 years ago i was in a very bad place mentally due to the isolation of the pandemic, and i met my husband online. in early 2022 i gave up everything, saved over $10k for the visa and moving costs, and relocated from the US to australia to live with him. our relationship itself has improved from how it used to be, but since the beginning we've had seemingly endless bad luck and financial setbacks.

last year, not long after our (very disappointing) wedding, i suffered a devastating miscarriage. ruptured ectopic, massive internal bleeding, required emergency surgery etc. not only was that traumatic emotionally, but i wasn't eligible for healthcare at the time bc of my immigration status, so we're still paying off the medical bill.

we share a house with my mother in law who is a domineering, emotionally incestuous single mom and an emotionally abusive narcissist. i don't throw that term around lightly, as so many people do these days, but i honestly believe she's devoid of empathy. she's admitted that she dislikes me and thinks i'm stupid because i don't talk much, and goes out of her way to make me feel unwelcome.

so i'm stuck in an area that feels, to me, like the middle of nowhere. i'm not homesick, i love this country. it's just that i'm not used to suburbs. i feel most comfortable in a city where there's people and places and things, neon lights and background noise and stuff to do.

i'd would be happy to live anywhere as long as it's not with her. it honestly feels like a prison sometimes. that sounds dramatic but she's cultivating an unbelievably hostile environment that causes me to feel on edge whenever she's around.

needless to say we need to move, desperately. it's our #1 priority. more than anything else i want a place of our own and eventually a family. we've been actively househunting for the better part of a year, but the rental market is catastrophically bad right now. it's not even about the money, since we're both working we can afford a decent place. it's just that it's so competitive. every showing i've attended, there's been like 30 other prospective tenants. we've been turned down from every apartment we've applied for.

on top of our living situation i have complex health issues that are just getting worse. my energy is zapped. trying to balance work work and housework leaves me with almost no free time to write.

this barely scratches the surface of why I Am The Way That I Am™. i'm not saying any of this to evoke sympathy or brag about 'having it hard'. simply trying to explain. my upbringing was abusive and dysfunctional in a number of ways. i just barely graduated high school. i never had traditional opportunities, i was raised in a way where there's basically no assumption/expectation that you'll ever be successful or fulfilled. i'm diagnosed with ADHD, PTSD and bipolar 2 - haven't been able to get my proper meds in australia. i've been addicted to hard drugs and alcohol. i'm not pleasant to be around. i will probably always look like and act like the lower class, white trash girl that i am. i have spent my entire life in survival mode.

i'm always in the midst of some identity crisis or running away from something. so yeah, i've been hurt and downtrodden. i've also experienced the beautiful side of life from time to time. i've gained a breadth of knowledge and met incredible individuals who introduced me to new perspectives and i'm forever grateful for them. with the way i've lived, i'm very lucky to not be dead or incarcerated right now.

ok, pity party's over. for real this time.

you're pretty much describing exactly how i feel. you know the struggle. the part about waiting to live my life; that's precisely where i'm at. i don't necessarily have a desire to fit in, i just want to get away into somewhere that i can adjust better to.

my isolation is partially due to a lack of energy but also i don't seek out interaction because i'm afraid no one else can understand me. not because i believe i'm too 'complex' or 'damaged' to be understood. that's a load of self-pitying bullshit. it's just scary to be truly seen. or vulnerable. or genuine. bc the results of such openness are unpredictable and uncomfortable.

it's hard, but i know i have to find it within myself to take that push. what's holding me back right now is mainly my material conditions, circumstances out of my direct control. i have no doubt i'll feel at least 50% better when i stop living with this woman.

i certainly have no problem with starting over if something doesn't work for me. contrary to what i might've described, i believe i'm pretty well adjusted, self aware and rational. as is obvious i don't take many things that seriously lmao. i went from caring wayyy too much about everything, being overly emotional and sensitive, to going entirely with the flow and accepting what i can't control or predict.

also i am well aware that you can't change people, that's never been my goal lmao i've never needed someone to tell me that <3

tl;dr, thank you. so much. this really uplifted and inspired me meli, thank you so much for being so thoughtful and compassionate.

it sounds like you're also stuck between a rock and a hard place in your own environment, and i'm sorry to hear that. it's a wretched feeling but i believe you you will thrive no matter the setting, because in all seriousness, you're incredibly talented. i hope you know you should follow your dreams. hell, it looks like you already are and you're giving us the privilege of witnessing it. your art is stunning, the passion and care you put into your work is obvious. your matthew is absolutely beautiful - like his maman.

from a rabidly devoted france woobifier to the designated france hater, i'm only going to say this once but you are validated in your distaste. i understand. you gotta admit though, he is a MILF.

if one thing is certain i will never stop frussyposting. in fact right now i am thinking about france hetalia big fat juicy boobies mmmm milky squishy. i'm giving her a teensy tiny little slut waist and childbearing hips. i would give him a brazilian butt lift but he doesn't even need it!!!

if that is a crime then lock me up. please. strap on the handcuffs and throw me in the crate for naughty little freaks teeheehee >:3

be careful tho. if you keep sending me gay ass love letters like this they're gonna start shipping toxic yuri melianca even harder <3

[winderlylandchime]

Some of my favorite things he said about/during the podcast: - he came inside and went ‘HE HAS A FUN PERSONALITY! I didn’t expect that for some reason. Why was that? I think we’d be friends. Be honest, do you think he would like me?’ - ‘he is in school to be a therapist?! So no more acting? Wait does he not do tv? What the fuck? *long silence* from 1 to 10 how fucked up would it be to go to him and pretend that my wife and i are having issues..*long silence again* yeah, pretty fucked up. But imagine you go to therapy and the guy who fucked guys on tv is there to help you. Amazing’ - *randy says he never had confidence to do stuff like lil nas x* ‘wait what? He was getting rimmed on live tv at that age and he’s saying he wasnt bold and confident? HOW’ (This is where i did ask him what he meant about that and his reply was ‘i was sure that he and Brian (lol he still doesnt know Gales name), were walking around like the hottest bitches in the city since I’m sure everyone wanted them. So i guess Brian actor was walking around like the hottest bitch by himself..unless if this insecurity cane later then they probably fucked around town together *does fingers guns*’ i cant wait for him to see how gale is irl -(jordan mentions that he had to sneak around to watch the pilot as a kid) ‘and here we are watching it on the big tv and talking to our parents about it. And they say the world hasn’t changed *makes a fist* RAINBOW’ - ‘he has a cat named Latrice! And you made fun of me for Brian *turns to the cat* thats called hypocrisy, Brian’ -randy/jordan says something about blackface episode ‘WHAT? That was a joke, right?…yeah, it was…can they talk more about the show tho, i have many questions. So many. Too many.’ -*Jordan mentions Brian* ‘AHHHHHHH HE SAID HIS NAME’ - ‘real talk. Do you think a person like Brian exists? With the fucking and all that? Is the actor like any of that? But like more normal about some stuff? Cause I was sure Justin dude was like Justin for some reason but apparently i was wrong’ - ‘wait Justin actor dude didn’t like to be recognized by his role of Justin? Well thats..I thought he would be all HELL YEAH!! I fake fuck Brian Kinney! But he had shame? I was sure everyone would be hyped up about them’ - ‘hold the fuck up. He had issues with the sex scenes? *he looks at me all worried* i thought they liked filming it? Maybe cause early 00s sex scene filming was bad? I was sure he was all confident while filming them since…ya know’ -when they talked about religion, he called mom to ask what the priest at our church (we’re not religious, our mom just woke us up one sunday and said we should check it out to see what the big fuss was) said to him bc he only remembered it was funny and the answer was ‘after you asked if you can come to a confessional (he asked as a joke btw) he said that even he doesn’t have enough time for you and would probably stop believing in God by the end of it. Why do you ask? That was not a proud moment as a mom for me, no matter how funny it was’ - *randy mentions he’s shy vs how he used to be outgoing* ‘he’s shy? cause of the show? Huh? I need 20 more podcasts where he talks about it because i just found myself with even more questions’ - ‘HE WAS IN A PLAY CALLED COCK?! HE DOES PLAYS? About cocks? *sits back and crosses his legs* good for him *silence and then* imagine it’s about roosters’ - *randy mentions that he feels like he’s not taken seriously in certain places bc of his education/career* ‘he gets it! Ive had arguments about this! I like this shit! I agree with this shit! I need more of this shit. Give me all of it. Does Brian have a podcast? I wanna hear him talk. Especially about the aftermath of the show. Actually I just wanna hear him talk’ (the Gale crush is for sure alive) The main take away from the podcast was that he wants to listen to it all and he is obsessed with Randy’s personality cause he thought Randy was more reserved and maybe like how he was in S3 with Ethan. He didn’t know how to explain it better but oh well.

I sent my cousin all this while he was listening because, shocker!! The discovery of Randy’s podcast a few months ago made it through some of my family. Now I’m really starting to feel like Regina in the hallway scene in Mean Girls.

YES! Randy has a fun personality!

So your brother is imagining going to Randy for therapy and I’m imagining running into Randy at a continuing education course. Somehow him becoming a therapist makes him much more accessible!

But yeah this is where your brother begins to lose the belief that all the actors loved being on QAF and are endlessly proud of their roles and want to be recognized for them. Not that I think Randy *isn’t* proud at all but he was the youngest and certainly not protected from pushy fans and invasive questions.

I love that your mom just woke up one Sunday and thought “wonder what’s happening with that church thing, let’s go check it out” Also your brother wanting to check out confessional is equivalent to me wanting to take communion when I went to mass with my grandparents (my mom is Jewish so I’m Jewish).

You are sowing the seeds of madness in your family and I can only encourage it…

[maluinks]

I only know taylor swift as someone who sucks ass at writing lyrics, what are the banger lyrics im missing??

lmao i totally get that. I think it will always be a bit of a personal preference thing, just like some ppl love some writing styles which others cant stand, same with lyrics.

I personally love the lyric writing that tells a good story i can see in my head, and the song creates an atmosphere which you can touch and even smell. I think Taylor's strength is in her storytelling, which shines through especially in folklore and evermore. I personally love "seven" ("Please picture me/In the weeds/Before I learned civility/I used to scream ferociously"), august ("To live for the hope of it all/Cancel plans just in case you'd call"), peace ("Would it be enough if I could never give you peace?"), "illicit affairs" ("Leave the perfume on the shelf/That you picked out just for him/So you leave no trace behind/Like you don't even exist"), "champagne problems" ("Sometimes you just don't know the answer/'Til someone's on their knees and asks you"), "cowboy like me" ("Perched in the dark/Telling all the rich folks anything they wanna hear/Like it could be love/I could be the way forward/Only if they pay for it"), "'tis the damn season" ("We could call it even/You could call me babe for the weekend/'Tis the damn season, write this down/I'm stayin' at my parents' house/And the road not taken looks real good now"), "ivy" ("Oh, goddamn/My pain fits in the palm of your freezing hand/Taking mine, but it's been promised to another/Oh, I can't/Stop you putting roots in my dreamland/My house of stone, your ivy grows/And now I'm covered in you").

Now every album she releases has its misses and its hits. I don't love "Lover" that much bc it's a bit too happy poppy for me, though the song "Lover" itself tells a very palpable feeling. Other songs I like are "All Too Well" ("And you call me up again just to break me like a promise/So casually cruel in the name of being honest"), "Dear John" ("Long were the nights when/My days once revolved around you/Counting my footsteps/Praying the floor won't fall through again"), "Back to December" ("It turns out freedom ain't nothin' but missin' you/Wishin' I'd realized what I had when you were mine"), "The Story of Us" ("I'd tell you I miss you, but I don't know how/I never heard silence quite this loud"), "Clean" ("Ten months sober, I must admit/Just because you're clean don't mean you don't miss it"), "Begin Again" ("And you throw your head back laughing like a little kid/I think it's strange that you think I'm funny 'cause he never did"), "Don't Blame Me" ("Don't blame me, love made me crazy/If it doesn't, you ain't doin' it right/Lord, save me, my drug is my baby/I'll be usin' for the rest of my life"), "Delicate" ("We can't make any promises/Now can we, babe?/But you can make me a drink").

Now many people have been dissing the latest album's cringey lyrics for a while, and while I hate them too (god the vigilante one is such a skip its unreal), i actually like some songs with cringey lyrics. "Anti-hero" really grew on me bc it's Taylor self-analising and talking about how she is her own worst critic, which is something we all experience, and I think she made it in a fun self-deprecating way in the song that still delivers the message. other songs in the album which i love and dont have those kinds of cringe lines are "you're on your own, kid" ("'Cause there were pages turned with the bridges burned/Everything you lose is a step you take"), "Lavander Haze" ("The only kind of girl they see (only kind of girl they see)/Is a one-night or a wife"), "High Infidelity" ("Do you really want to know where I was April 29th?/Do I really have to chart the constellations in his eyes?"), "Would've, Could've, Should've" ("If I was some paint, did it splatter/On a promising grown man?/And if I was a child, did it matter/If you got to wash your hands?") (tbh I love all the lyrics in this song it's my fave atm).

Sorry for the long post! I really feel like Taylor's best lyrics are hidden away in her albums many times, but I do get how she gets called a good lyricist, because she is good at telling stories in them. I believe many people look at her stuff from a biased perspective most of the time bc of the way the media has portrayed her in part, and also bc she got a lot of hate from misogynists when she was young and it stayed around as mindless hate/disregard. She isnt the greatest ever but she's earned her reputation as a lyricist imo.

[milksnake-tea]

Continuation choo choo!

Mr. Yang is an enigma to you, but as far as you know he has the mind of a man who have experienced many loss and grief. He is a man with so much duty in his hands back in his universe, the Herrscher of Reason, Sovereign of Anti-Entropy, ever since he was a child he already had his life overriden by duty. But the express doesn't see his duty, they see Mr. Yang. He's kind and reliable, his wisdom may (or may not) exceed anyone in the express, he always find you coming to him, asking questions and he'd gladly go on about topics after topics. And if he stayed back, he'd receive messages of how you and the others are doing, and that brought a smile to his face.

To walk in the path of The Trailblaze is a lonely one - you come and you go - you make connections before you make another ones, with the possibility that you won't meet your past companions. Himeko is the heart of the Express, but even she can feel lonely. To be part of The Nameless one cannot form a bond too thick else you'd experience the pain of severing it, but she loves everyone nonetheless, she shares her knowledge with you and maybe learn a thing or two about the express' mechanisms, or you're daring enough to try her coffee and not sleep for a few days. But you'd always remember the day she opened her arms and take you in as part of thr express was the best chapter beginning of your life. You'd stay by her side, like a child accompanying their mother as she sets her eyes on the stars, you'd stay in the Express until it reached its final stop. The universe is big so why stop at one place?

You? Maybe you're someone that deeply loves the universe, or a curious scholar, someone with past regrets, a criminal, or you just walk the path of The Trailblaze because you have nowhere to go. For them that doesn't matter, you've done many things for the express. Wether it's helping Pom-Pom cleaning the cars or help with the Trailblaze missions, or be a friend. Caelus/Stelle loves how you'd go your way to have fun in any world they landed, maybe you both have caused some problems and dive into dumpsters to find interesting stuffs. Dan Heng could ramble about trivias from the Data Bank at any given moment if you want him to, he will fight and protect you during missions and you'd do the same for him. Taking a lot of pictures is a must go with March, you would have your poses ready the moment she unleashes her camera. She doesn't really have someone to chat to when she's bored, and you'd go to her room about how you made a weapon out of a Voidranger's remains or watch movies and maybe you guys scrapbook sometimes.

Trailblazer needs someone to remind them, they aren't alone. They have people to latch onto, a support to ground themselves as a host of a Stellaron. Dan Heng needs someone to remind him, he is loved and there is hope. He is Dan Heng, a person who's not weighted down by his past predecessors. March 7th needs someone to remind her, the unknown isn't as scary and people will be there for her if the void almost drown her. She needs something ahead of her, to see, to feel, to know that she exist, so everything won't be as scary. You need to remind yourself, the world is big, your past doesn't define you and you have people to move forward with, the kindness you offered wouldn't be left to waste and you don't have to face the unpredictability of what's to come alone. Everyday is a new adventure.

The Astral Express. The Nameless. You are the children of Akivili, traveling the universe and sing their name like the gears of the express resonating in the cosmos.

(I'm so normal about them [cries])

-🪽

🪽. 🪽. SHAKING YOU BY THE SHOULDERS BRO THE BRAIN YOU HAVE ????? ARE YOU OKAY DOES UR BACK HURT FROM CARRYING THAT HUMONGOUS THING BC WHAT THE GRRGGRRGRGGRGRGRGRGR SOBBING INTO THE FLOOR GOD I LOVE THE EXPRESS FAMILY SO MUCH ????? HIMEKO MY MOTHER I LOVE YOU i wont drink ur coffee bc maam i cant do black im sorry im weak BUT SOBS

no because ???? THEIR DYNAMIC YOU CAPTURED JUST ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFULLY HELLO ??? THE WAY THEY ALL JUST RELY ON EACH OTHER AND SUPPORT EACH OTHER AS THEY TRAVEL EVERYWHERE AND THEYRE NEVER ALONE AND AFHIJOWKHADFOJSNDISUJK

also "You are the children of Akivili" idk why but on god that is such a beautiful line ily

[mojaves]

hehehehe pick five questions u really wanna answer for alex <3

✈️ AIRPLANE — does your oc like traveling, or do they consider themselves a more homey person?

see the thing is he does NOT have to travel. ever. he generally just. materialises wherever he is needed at literally any point in the day. so realistically he Could do that for simple things like. running errands. thats literally all he would use it for he has nothing else to do actually. ANYWAY. the materialising at will thing takes a LOT of energy, especially if he does it very often, so while it would be kind of more convenient in the long run, he would much rather just spend hours or days driving to his destination whenever he gets the free time to do that. keeps his energy in check. makes him feel a little more Human again. yknow. getting stuck in traffic. needing to stop for gas. the little things. he needs that more often than he would ever like to admit.

💙 BLUE HEART — does your oc have any cool/special powers and/or abilities? how are they with magic, if it exists in their world?

he is Undead. sort of. thats like. the best way to describe it. kind of a ghost??? but also not really. he exists in the same way we exist. but he also exists on an entirely different plane of existence. on his days 'off' from work [walking people through the journey between life and death. simplest way to describe it] he is basically. stuck. in this plane of existence. not necessarily powerless, like i said before he can de/rematerialise at will which is very useful for getting out of. sticky situations. which he finds himself in a lot bc he's insane and sometimes forgets people can actually both see And perceive him in this reality so he cant just. steal whatever he wants from a store. he can also communicate telepathically/read minds - which is very useful for getting a sense of how someone feels when theyre dead so he knows how to deal w them. even though he is the same with literally everyone he encounters anyway regardless. he's an asshole <3 and i hate him. these also drain his energy but to a lesser extent. and he can and will use these to cause problems on purpose.

☕️ HOT BEVERAGE — does your oc prefer coffee, tea, hot chocolate, milk, water, or some other drink? how do they like to take this drink (ex. coffee with milk, hot chocolate with whipped cream, a specific kind of tea, etc)?

triple shot espresso. black coffee. the more likely it is to make you feel like your head is about to explode the better. he thinks it's 'delicious'. but he may also be lying to himself. i couldnt tell you one way or the other.

😖 CONFOUNDED FACE — is your oc an introvert, an extrovert, or an ambivert? do they let people in easily, or are they more reserved?

ambivert fits him best i think.... he thinks he prefers his time alone always and forever [and he DOES need to be alone sometimes] but his existence is a very lonely one and some company every now and again would do WONDERS for him. unfortunately he is very unpleasant to be around!!! he does NOT let people in he doesnt need to. they will be dead one day anyway. or theyre already dead. whats the point <333 [DUMBASS!!!!!!!!]

🤓 SMILING FACE WITH GLASSES — is your oc chatty or quiet? are they at ease in social situations, or are they more shy?

he is a Talker alright. to the point where he will NOT shut up. is he doing that to cause a distraction for more nefarious reasons??? is he doing it for his own entertainment just to annoy people???? is he doing it because he is so painfully desperate for contact and communication and connection with other people that he will go anywhere and talk to anyone to possibly have a chance at receiving it????? for even just a moment?????? who's to say!!! not me

[darkicedragon]

darkicedragon how does kentas deal w if hes actually pissed m off? bc werewolves probably just fight it out and then move on, but m holds Grudges and trust needs to be built up again after a fuck up (theres maduke, but he also probably held a grudge BECAUSE he couldnt just fight it out w muzaka and get the result he wanted) and asking m to fight after upsetting him is just going to upset him more so kentas is just ono???? ococo They would probably need intervention Cause both of them deals with it differently And to be honest i dont think Kentas is smart enough to realize that M is holding his issues in XD They probably gonna have a big fight To the point kentas thinks that they have broken up darkicedragon or that its his fault. oh no 'hey, you seem kinda grumpy/down today. wanna spar to perk you up?' o3o 'are you FUCKING serious??' '.....yeah? thats why i asked?'

ococo Cause M would def say something like "I dont want to see you, and I dont want to hear your fucking voice" ococo Yess Franken and Muzaka would have to middle darkicedragon muzaka just like OHO 'oi, kentas. here, NOW!' kentas just like O-O??? while frankenstein steps in to go distract m before m goes for kentas' throat 8') azure honestly, if M got angry at Kentas Kentas done fucked up for real bc I can't imagine M like being upset with something small, or annoyed esp when M would be the type to take a loooong ass time to trust someone so Kentas would've had to fuck up BIG to break M's trust and get him angry ococo Yup Probably kentas deserves to be kicked in the ass XD azure imagine they go searching for M's past and they find out that some/all of the M series ppl were like criminals and Kentas is like "good, they deserved their fate 😤 " and he meant well, like criminals need to be punished but M is livid darkicedragon maybe m is v much 'want to be left alone rn' vibes, but kentas cant read that, which keeps making m more annoyed bc pushing ms comfort boundaries is going to make him vvv techy darkicedragon oOOOH BOIIIIIIII ococo OH MY GOD darkicedragon could depend, bc kentas prob flips between the warrior mentality and 'well. almost all the ww warriors were also criminals so...' ococo HE NEEDS TO BE SLAPPED ON THE FACE azure if M would stop and think, he'd understand why Kentas said that but he's angry Kentas said that about what was like his family ococo And I like the concept! M "are you saying that I also do deserve to die?" azure M would get cold bc there's one thing getting angry at an enemy who you know is gonna attack you and it's something else when it's someone you trust back stabbing you ococo Ohohohohoh 🤤 darkicedragon m just stops interacting w kentas completely blanks him ococo Kentas screwed up Muzaka would also tell him in the face That M needs space and he better give it to him azure gets worse when they find out M was actually a criminal himself had to serve some good years for something bad darkicedragon kentas trying to figure out how to make up and muzaka just shooting them down 'so i should go spar w him?' 'no' '?? talk w him?' 'no' 'but.... what do i do?' ono 'keep out of his way and dont try ta force your way back in. yer LUCKY hes still letting you even see you rn. hes not a ww, so he doesnt act like one. remember that' ono azure bc M realizes Kentas thinks he should pay for his crimes as well ococo M starts to feel as awful as when he was first adopted.. feeling that he is not worth the second chance, and his boyfriend thinks the same darkicedragon 'i guess i should have just stayed in the union where i belong...' ococo Qwq T2 if they exist in this au they would very much be like hisssssss at Kentas too azure Kentas not understanding what he did wrong bc subtle things like these just... don't cross his mind he's v straight forward ococo He thinks M already redeemed himself but it sounded like if M didn't get the chance to be at frankens household that he also ought to deserve whatever happened to him darkicedragon kentas' thought processes are like 'hes at frankenstein and muzakas house and accepted here. hes strong now. past is in the past' and thats all that matters 'me helped me realise the other ww warriors were shit and move on from that, so i should do the same' not realising theres a difference between ww warriors and being experimented on bc of past deeds (that they dont even remeber) azure Kentas going to ask Franken and Muzaka what's wrong bc he simply doesn't understand and they ask him what he said or what their convo was Kentas tells them and Muzaka goes 😬 and >^> at Franken bc Franken goes =_= "While I do understand your line of thought, Kentas, you must understand you said that about what was practically M's family. At the same time, it sounds like you think M does not deserve redemption." "You are not wrong to think one must face the consequences of their actions and punishment for their wrongdoings, it's not always a black or white matter. There are grey areas." ... what would M be convicted of? 🤔 I'm thinking fraud or theft or like maybe some criminal activity stuff darkicedragon gang member? òvó azure yesss ò0ó darkicedragon basically a smaller version of the union w no experimentation 'hah... it would explain why i took so well to the union...' azure >w> and finds out he was a target bc he was an orphan who was taken in by the gang so no one would miss him so no family in the first place, except for the gang that used him darkicedragon so even no past in his past >w> or his gang also got destroyed bc they were trying to encroach on the unions turf azure yesss òwó Franken will prolly advise Kentas to think from M's perspective and understand why it hurt him so and to talk to him

[sassmar]

wip game

ahhh tysm @pancakehouse for the tag !! mwah xx <3<3 imma copy yr abbreviated version & just post a snippet bc 1) lets be real i have like THREE wip docs total and i have written so little lately/already whorishly posted so much content from them i cant even remember what's new to anyone at this point ??? and 2) lazy :)

so yea here's something i'm pretty sure will be new to most everyone from the weird darkish snape-pov wolfstar prankfic that is like. just this side of crack & v low priority like honestly i cannot promise it will ever see the light of ao3 so !! at least we can air some juicy paragraphs here lol

“I want,” said Black, low and into his ear, hot breath hitting Severus’s cheek, “to tell you something.  Because I don’t trust Dumbledore to have properly gagged you, the old man’s too bloody nice by half.  I want to warn you that if you tell a soul—if you so much as breathe a word about Remus’s condition, if you even think it too loudly—I will kill you.  Do you understand?  I will kill you, and I will not need anyone else’s help.  You ruin his life and I will ruin yours, I will have nothing to lose and I will stop at nothing until I have destroyed you.”

Severus forced out a laugh.  “You’re all bluster and bravado, Black.  You couldn’t kill me the first time, even with your pet wolf, and I dare you to try again.”

A slow, strange smile crept over Black’s face.  “I thought you might say something like that,” he murmured.  And then, without warning—Black kissed him.

Black was a sloppy, rough sort of kisser; he mashed their lips together wetly and shoved his tongue into Severus’s mouth, lapping it around indiscriminately and conferring what felt like actual spoonfuls of saliva.  Severus tried to duck and pull away but Black grabbed him by the face with both hands, held firm.  When it was finally over, his lips felt swollen, slick.  Severus wiped his mouth on the back of his hand, grimaced and swallowed.  He felt slightly dazed and shook his head as if to clear it.

“What’s your name,” said Black.

“Severus Snape.”  But he hadn’t meant to reply so quickly, he hadn’t meant—

“Was that your first kiss?” he asked with a wicked little smirk.

“Yes.”

umm tagging @shipsnsails @heart-axe @pomegranate-pill @broomsticks @squidgilator @billsfangearring (cause i know you are a full fledged fic writer now okurr !!) would love to see wip snippets :) :) umm i feel like half of yall have already been tagged maybe so feel free to ignore but the pressure of tagging has made me suddenly forget the existence of like ... everyone ... my apologies <3<3<3