#i want to talk to my best friend about this and maybe they would understan but they haven't been there for me

[pinkanonhopes]

rant in the tags yall. talking about how i don't like my appearance so trigger warning for that.

[azaleavi]

Best Friend

Requested by anon: hi could I request a sebastian x female reader where they have been best friends for years and reader has been in love with him for a while and it hurts her thag hes dating someone else and one day she just blurts it out because its too much??? angsty with a happy ending hopefully???

Word count: 1.8k

Author’s note: I got my first request!! I was so happy that I started writing right away. Thank you so much for requesting dear anon I hope you like it.

Feedback is always appreciated and don't forget to reblog and like if you liked it and want to see more. Thank you!

Masterlist

(the texts in italics are either throwbacks or thoughts)

Being the best friend of Sebastian was a challenge. It wouldn't have been, normally, but you had fallen in love with him and that made things a hundred times harder for you. But how could you not, when he was the most charming man you have ever met. He was the sweetest human being and he was always there for you when youu needed him. You met when you worked on a movie together and immediately hit it off. Thankfully there were more than one projects you worked on alongside each other so you became even closer. You thought there could be something more between you than friendship, but Sebastian never seemed to look at you like that. You got your hopes up multiple times, only to be let down again and again. So now you just learned to not expect any romantic feelings from him.

I want to tell you something the text read from Sebastian. You heart leaped in your chest at the thought of him wanting to talk to you about something seemigly important. It had to be important. Right? Maybe he would tell you, that he sees you as more than a friend. You texted him back saying that he could come over right now if he wanted to. He sent you a thumbs up, meaning he was on his way so you got to cleaning up your apartment. It wasn't necessarily messy, but there were a few things out you had to put away. Living in different cities or even countries all the time never left you with enough time to completely clean up the only place you called home. A knock on the front door shook you from your thoughts. You walked to it with a deep sigh, excited, but also afraid of what Seb wanted to talk to you about. Opening the door you met with his beautiful face.

"Hi" he smiled as you stepped aside to let him in.

"Hey. Come in." you greeted back. He walked in and took off his shoes as you closed the door. You walked into the living room and sat down on the couch. He fidgeted with his hands, a sign that he was nervous. "What is it Sebby?" him being nervous made you even more nervous so both of you were just a bundle of nerves.

"It's just... I just..." he sighed, leaning forward and rubbing his face with his hands. Something was wrong.

"Hey, you can talk to me" you reassured him, putting your hands on his back and rubbing it.

"I accidentally told Chris that you are a virgin" he finally blurted out. Your hand froze on his back. He looked back up at you, only to see you trying to hold back a laugh. "Why are you laughing?" he asked, confused.

"He already knows Seb." you let out the laugh you've been holding in. His face lit up in realization and he relaxed against the back of the couch. "This is what you wanted to tell me?" you continued to laugh.

It was after he left that you let yourself feel the sadness of not getting the confession you were waiting for.

You loved having him as a friend, but you wanted more. You wanted to be the one that wakes up next to him every day, who gets to kiss him every chance you get. You could dream about it how many times you wanted to, but it would never happen. Especially when he had a girlfriend. You remembered when he told you.

"Can I talk to you for a second?" he grabbed your elbow as you were walking away from set, done for the day. You turned around, noticing how your face was closer to his than it probably should have been. He seemed to notice too as he stepped away from you. Your heart broke a little at his movement, but you knew that it wasn't his fault. He didn't feel the same as you did. You couldn't blame him, really. Why would he love you? There were so many better people out there whom he could choose. You understood, no one ever noticed you, so why would he be different. It was your fault for falling hopelessly in love with him. You tried to stop, you truly did, but it was no use. You couldn't tell him either, your friendship would be forever ruined. Of course he would be nice about it and say that he would want to keep being your friend, but you knew that it would never be the same.

"Yeah, sure we can talk" you smiled at him. The two of you walked to his dressing room, that was empty. You sat down on a hair as he did the same. "So?" you urged him to talk after a few second of silence.

"I met someone" your world stopped at his words. He looked up to see your reaction, but your face was blank. Your thoughts were a mess as you tried to come up with a response, trying to not show how your heart just broke into a million pieces.

"That's..." you cleared your throat, blinking a few times to get rid of the tears that started gathering in them. "That's amazing Seb." you froced a smile on your face, praying that he wouldn't see through your mask.

"She is actually working with us so I want you to meet her." he smiled, excited at the thought of his best friend and girlfriend meeting. You wish you could be happy for him, but right now you couldn't feel anything else but pain.

That was 8 months ago and they were happier than ever. Well... were before she decided to break up with him out of nowhere. He has been heartbroken for a long time, but he had you helping him through it. It was hard on you, but he was still your best friend and you knew you had to be there for him.

You were currently at his house, having a movie night. He was feeling much better now, your presence helping him through the worst of it. He was eternally grateful for you because of it. You were cuddling on his couch, becoming much closer in the last few weeks. You didn't use to do things like this, but when he started initiating the touches you didn't object. You thought it would be only for a little while, just because he needed someone to be close with after the breakup, but it didn't stop and your feeling were only getting stronger and stronger with each passing day. The movie was playing, a cliché romance, as he ran his fingers up and down your arm, your head on his shoulder. The man on TV was confessing his love for the woman and it made you think about what it would be like if you told Sebastian how you felt. He doesn't need a girlfriend right now you reminded yourself.

"This is so dumb" he rolled his eyes.

"What is?" you asked back, not understaning his problem.

"They were friends before this. Why ruin a perfectly good friendship with these feelings?" he felt your whole body stiffen at his words so he moved away to look at you. "What's wrong?"

"It's nothing" you tried to brush it off and go back to cuddling, but he wasn't having it.

"No, something is wrong, I can feel it" he pushed.

"Seb, seriously, it's nothing. Don't worry about it."

"No, you have to tell me when something is wrong, we are best friends and I don't want you to keep secrets from me-"

"I love you" you blurted out, your mouth moving without thinking. No, no, no, no this cannot be happening right now. He immediately stopped talking and just stared at you, frozen. You stood up from you place and started walking back and forth in front of him." I know you don't need this right now and I didn't even want to tell you, but you just kept pushing and I-" stopping your rambling, your eyes filled with tears. You let out a stuttering breath, your hands on your mouth. I've just ruined everything. I'm so dumb. You looked at him, still sitting in the same place, his mouth open in shock. "Please say something." you pleaded moving your hands to your sides, not being able to take his silence anymore.

"You are in love with me?" he whispered, eyes boring into yours. Heart sinking in your chest you looked down.

"Yes" you sighed, feeling like a ton has been lifted from your chest, the truth you've been holding in had finally been revealed. Two legs appeared in front of you and two hands grabbed your arms. You didn't want to look up, already knowing the rejection, that was coming.

"Look at me y/n" he asked quietly. "Please" he said when you didn't oblige. You finally looked up at him at his request, face now soaked in tears.

"I'm sorry" you whimpered, your heart fully broken. You valued his friendship so much and you didn't want to lose him over this, but it felt like it was already over. He pulled you into a hug.

"Do not be sorry for your feelings" he tightened his grip on you, making your tears fall faster. You let out a sob at his affection. This might be the last time you get to hug him like this so you gripped his waist as strongly as you could. He pulled away enough to look into your eyes. "Don't be sorry because I feel the same way." your heart skipped a few beats, your eyes widening. You couldn't believe your ears so you just looked at him confused. Sebastian smiled at your cute impression and swiftly pressed his lips to yours. You couldn't even close your eyes considering how shocked you were. Sebastian realized you weren't moving and pulled away, worried. He called your name in question which shook you out of your frozen state.

"What did you say?" you finally spoke.

"I said I love you too." he laughed.

"But you... you were... you... what?" you stuttered, not being able to form a coherent sentence.

"I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you" he chanted as he pressed his forehead to yours, still laughing, which was cut short when you pressed your lips to his. You kissed for a minute, but you had to break away from the other for air.

"Why didn't we do this sooner?" you laughed, wiping away the remainer of your tears.

"I don't know" he leaned in to kiss you again, smiles on both of your faces.

Permanent taglist: @byatomoe

(let me know if you want to be added)

[tiifalockhart]

Confessions

Anonymous asked: Hi! I was wondering if I could request something for ffxv? I was hoping something where one of Noct’s long time closest friends joins the gang on the road, and they end up getting with Prompto which causes Noct to realize he’s had feelings for them the whole time and gets jealous. I hope that’s not too weird or specific! Thank you!

Pairing: Noctis x Reader/Prompto x Reader

Warnings: alludes to anxiety, jealous, mentions suffocation (as a description of anxiety, don’t worry, no one dies)

Word Count: 4k

A/N: hello!! I’m back with another FFXV request. this is actually the longest thing I’ve written on this blog so far. I really liked this request and was actually planning on doing something similar to it before, I hope you enjoy it anon!

Part Two || Ao3 || Masterlist

Meeting the Prince of Insomnia was purely coincidental. 

It wasn’t in school, it wasn’t in the Citadel, and it wasn’t even through one of Noctis’ other friends. You happened to run into him in the street after exiting one of the small markets located in the city. As you left the market, you couldn’t even walk three full steps before feeling someone bump into you and knock the bag out of your hand. You didn’t complain out loud, but a tired and disappointed sigh left your lips. You stared down at the fallen fruit and ripped bag, glaring at it in hopes that it would clean itself up, until you heard a quiet “Sorry” from your left. 

You slowly turned to look at the perpetrator, your glare piercing into his soul until you realized who he was. A shocked look formed in your features as you took a step back. “Y-You’re-”

“-The Prince, I know.” He sighed as if he never gets to hear the end about it. He looked down at the ruined bag and frowned, before awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck. “I’ll buy you new ones.” He muttered, bending down to pick it up. 

You stared at him in amazement, before quickly leaning down to help him. “I should be the one who’s apologizing, I wasn’t paying attention.” You responded hurriedly, feeling yourself become flustered with the predicament you found yourself in. A soft chuckle left his lips as he shook his head. 

“Seriously, don’t worry about it.” He insisted, which surprised you more. “Let’s face it, I wasn’t paying attention and I ruined your food, right? It’s fine.” Noctis shrugged, guiding you back inside the shop. You expressed your gratitude to him over and over again until the two of you parted. 

After that strange encounter, the two of you began to see each other more often. It seemed to be more coincidental than deliberate, which both of you found odd. Every single time you saw each other, you’d let out an awkward laugh and greet each other, but it usually never went on further than that. 

That is, until your most recent bump-in. The two of you ended up running into each other during class, the two of you obviously trying to do something else other than study. When Noctis’ eyes fell on you, he let out a sigh and slowly shook his head. “I feel like every time I see you, I’m seeing an old friend.” He greeted, which pulled you out of your daze of boredom. 

“Oh... Hey Prince Noctis, I never thought we’d see each other so often after we first met.” You replied, snickering. “I didn’t know you attended school here.” You pointed out, raising a brow.

Noctis nodded lightly as a small smile tugged on his lips. “I feel like fate is telling us to become friends or something like that.” He shrugged, walking alongside you. “Wanna get lunch together after classes?” 

You looked up at him with a mixture of confusion and surprise. “Oh... Me?” You asked, knowing it was a dumb question. “I suppose so... I’m not too busy with my studies at the moment.” 

“Nice. We’ll meet in front of the school then.” He decided, glancing over at you. “I should probably get to class before I get caught skipping.” He muttered, a tired sigh leaving his lips. The two of you said your goodbyes and parted after that, planning to meet up after school. It was such an odd relationship... Neither of you actually considered being friends until now.

After that day, the two of you spend almost every day together. You grew rather close over the years. Noctis seemed to enjoy having somewhere to go that wasn’t strictly royalty... It was a well needed break usually. Noctis often invited you to royal events as well, usually claiming that he was forced to go and he needed a partner to come. For the most part, you knew that he was just taking this chance to find a way out of the event early, but it was still fun. You got to know his father pretty well, which was surreal. The same question crossed your mind often: how the hell were you able to easily become friends with both the Prince, and the King?

Years had passed since then. Noctis made a few more friends and prepared for his trip to get married off during this time, while you were busy helping your family and working. It wasn’t until a few days before when Noctis was scheduled to leave, he ran into you while you were on your way to work. 

A laugh left his lips as you were jolted from your tired state, his sudden presence surprising you. “Man, feels like old times, doesn’t it?” He joked, grinning at you. 

A scoff left your lips as you returned the grin. “Something like that. What are you doing here?” You asked, raising a brow at him. He shrugged and rubbed the back of his neck. 

“I came to get you out of work... And to ask you a favor.” Noctis explained, crossing his arms as he continued to walk, gesturing for you to follow. As the two of you walked, Noctis began to talk. “The thing is... I’m going away for who knows how long. It’s great and all, but I don’t know if I want to leave you behind, you know?” He spoke, his brows furrowing. “I wanted to invite you along, I still have room for one more person to come along, so...” His voice trailed as he avoided your gaze.

You raised a brow in confusion. “Wait... You’re asking me to come to your wedding?” You asked, tilting your head to the side. 

“Something like that. Come with me and my friends, we’re leaving tomorrow morning to go to Altissia. You’re my best friend, I think it’s only fair for both of us if you’re there.” He continued, shrugging. His gaze fell to you as the two of you stopped walking, a curious gleam in his eyes. 

“Well... I’d be honored, are you sure your friends or your fiancée won’t mind?” You questioned, a hesitant look forming on your features. He chuckled and shook his head. 

“Hey, don’t worry about them! Trust me, they’d be happy to be there too. You can meet some of them if you want.” Noctis offered, placing a hand on his hip. 

Realistically, who were you to say no? The Prince was asking you specifically, friend or not, you were in no place to deny him. The only reason why you would be hesitant was because you were afraid you wouldn’t really... Fit in. Noctis more than likely picked people that were involved in the royalty family, people he’s known his entire life that was also royalty, even his to-be-wife was royalty. You were just a simple citizen in all of Insomnia that somehow ran into Noctis more than once for it to be considered more than coincidental. Maybe you were overthinking it, but what if they didn’t like you because you weren’t like them? 

Reluctantly, you nodded slowly. “Then... I’ll go.” You responded hesitantly. You bit your lip nervously as you continued to think, before speaking again. “But I would like to meet the others before we go so I don’t make things weird or awkward.” 

Noctis grinned and nodded. “Sounds good. You can come over to my place and meet Ignis soon.” He mentioned, beginning to guide you there before you could even argue. 

Fortunately, you got to meet Ignis and become well acquainted with him, and momentarily met Gladio before the next morning. The only one that you knew almost nothing about was Prompto. The three of them mentioned him occasionally, but they never gave a lot of insight into him.

You weren’t quite sure what to expect as the five of you gathered that morning. You didn’t know what he looked like, how he acted, nor how he even sounded. It was a gamble, and you were a little nervous. Noctis mentioned something about him being a lot like you, which made you feel a little better, at least you weren’t going to be the only commoner among royalty. 

When you first saw him, you were slightly taken aback. He was... Cute. His freckled skin, his messy blond hair, the odd but stylish outfit he wore, it clashed together in a surprisingly adorable way. Not to mention he was so awkward around you, it was heart warming. 

Throughout the beginning of the trip, through all the troubles you faced, you felt yourself become closer with Prompto. He made you laugh and blush a lot, and often tried to lift the mood no matter how hard things got. It was a relief to have someone like him around, him and Noctis together balanced the seriousness of the rest of the group. He was also talented when it came to machinery and guns... You admired him, since you were rather inexperienced yourself. 

Noctis noticed how the two of you became closer. You constantly joked around and teased other members of the team together, as well as practicing fighting together. He felt something burning in his chest at the sight, but refused to admit it was jealousy. No... Why would Noctis be jealous of his two best friends getting along? That’s crazy, he was happy for you both.

...Until he wasn’t happy anymore. Your jokes and teasing ended up turning into flirtatious remarks. Your touches lingered on each other. Whenever you both made a joke, your eyes would go to each other to see if you were laughing... Suddenly, the two of you were infatuated with each other and Noctis definitely didn’t appreciate it.

It showed in his mood and attitude, too. He wasn’t particularly happy that the two of you were getting along so well, the burning sensation in his chest would flare whenever the two of you were close. He was much grumpier and dreaded each day more and more. Noctis couldn’t really understand why he felt this way either... It didn’t make sense to him, they both were his friends, he should be happy that the two of you are getting along, right?

That is, until he finally realized why. Noctis finally managed to find you alone. No Prompto, no giggling or scheming, just you, by yourself. A soft sigh of relief left his lips as he approached you from behind. You seemed to be sitting on the edge of a cliff, your legs dangling as you admired the view. “Are you feeling okay? It’s not every day you find someone hanging off a cliff.” He remarked smoothly as he approached. 

His voice caused you to flinch, snapping you out of your dazed state. “Oh... Yeah, I’m alright. Just thinking, that’s all.” You replied, patting the spot on the ground next to you. Noctis hesitantly took a seat next to you, the two of you basking in the nature-esque silence. His eyes slowly examined the sight in front of him, it was easy to see the Disc almost clearly, as well as the distant mountains where Lestallum resided. “It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” You pointed out, smiling as you swung your legs over the edge. 

Noctis’ gaze turned to you slowly after taking in the entire sight. That’s when it hit him. The way your skin absorbed the sunlight, the way your hair reflected it and shined. The way the wind blew a gentle breeze, causing your eyes to shut as you inhaled the fresh air. You looked so... Ethereal, peaceful, like this is what you’ve wanted your whole life. It was breath-taking. You were breath-taking. 

A shaky breath left his lips as he searched for an answer, desperately trying to remember what the two of you were talking about. “Y-Yeah...” He responded, his brows furrowing in confusion as you turned to looked at him. A blush formed on your cheeks, as you quickly looked away. 

“You know, I’m really glad I could come along. I thought I wasn’t going to be able to fit in or anything like that... But your friends are so nice.” You murmured softly, changing the subject. Noctis nodded hesitantly and turned back to the scenery, a soft sigh leaving his lips.

“Right... It’s a good thing you guys are getting along. I wouldn’t want it any other way.” He lied, trying to go along with the conversation. Eventually, the two of you fell into a somewhat awkward silence. There were things left unsaid, you both were aware of it, but no one wanted to take the risk and talk about it, so you left it alone. 

Eventually, your time in silence was interrupted by a certain blond. He came trotting up the hill and grinned once he saw the both of you. “Mornin’.” He greeted, taking a seat on the other side of you. Noctis went deafeningly silent, the burning sensation growing in his chest again. 

You, on the other hand, returned the bright smile that Prompto wore. “Good morning.” You chirped, bumping your shoulder with his. Why didn’t you greet Noctis like that? Confusion formed on his features. Had he been replaced? As you and Prompto started a conversation, Noctis could feel himself being swallowed up by this... Selfish desire. Why hadn’t he realized sooner that he liked you? Why didn’t you ever notice? Surely he didn’t hide it that well. No... He couldn’t blame you. What if you had liked him this entire time and he had no clue? Maybe you moved onto someone who was more like you... But-

His thoughts were cut off when you gently nudged him with your shoulder. “You okay, man?” Prompto asked, the both of you wearing similar looks of concern. Noctis raised a brow in concern. 

“You looked upset... And we were talking to you, also.” You pointed out, gently rubbing his back. “Wanna talk about it?” You asked. Noctis slowly shook his head and turned away from the two of you, standing and frowning. 

“No... It’s alright, I’m still exhausted from yesterday.” He explained, shoving his hands in his pockets and beginning to head off. You and Prompto shared the same look of concern and confusion, the two of you hopping up to follow him immediately. 

“Hey, Noct... You know you can talk to us, right? We’re your best friends, man! No judging here.” Prompto tried to lighten the mood, but Noctis simply brushed him off. 

“It’s alright, we have to head out soon, yeah?” Noctis pointed out, running his fingers through his hair. Slowly, he lowered his head and looked anywhere else but the two of you. “I’ll see you back at camp.” He muttered, leaving you both behind. 

A quiet sigh left your lips as you looked up at Prompto, tilting your head to the side when you noticed he was deep in thought. “What’s on your mind?” You asked softly, realizing his lips were turned downwards. 

Prompto shrugged and crossed his arms. “The last time I saw Noctis this bad was when he was jealous over something.” He began, almost seeming to be thinking out loud. “If that’s what’s wrong this time... What’s he jealous over now?” He asked out loud, glancing over at you and searching for an answer. 

“...Could it be because we’re so close now?” You asked, shrugging. “I mean, maybe he feels left out? I dunno.” You explained, kicking the rocks on the ground as the two of you wandered back to camp.

“I mean, I guess? But that still seems like... Out of character, I guess.” He explained, frowning. “I dunno. We’ll just have to bully it outta him.” Prompto joked, smirking as you giggled mischievously. 

The conversation wasn’t brought up again later, when the group decided to stay at an inn again. While Ignis, Prompto and Gladio figured out sleeping arrangements, you slowly strolled up next to Noctis, gently nudging him with your elbows. “Hey, what’s up? You’re not seeming like yourself lately.” You murmured, looking up at him curiously. 

He raised a brow and looked over at you, before wincing and shaking his head. “I... It’s nothing.” He sighed, waving you off. “Don’t worry about it?” Noctis muttered, the same grumpy tone coming back. 

“Come on... We can talk about it somewhere else if you want. I think I saw a haven not far from here, it had a pretty cool view.” You explained, trying to convince him to come along. Noctis sighed, knowing very well that he couldn’t say no to you. 

The two of you snuck off together, eventually arriving at the nearby haven. You took a seat near the edge and looked off to the forested area below the haven, waiting for Noctis to finally catch up and sit next to you. The two of you sat in silence for a moment, before you finally looked over at him. “So...” You started, trying to break the awkward silence between the two of you. “How have you been?” You asked, knowing it was a terrible question to ask.

He let out a sigh as he stared off at the sky. His mind was trying to work out how he would explain what happened. How exactly was he supposed to admit that he had a huge crush on you that managed to evolve into some weird jealousy hate thing for Prompto, his other best friend? He winced as you looked at him expectantly, forcing out a simple answer. “Uh... I’ve been, uh, pretty okay. How about you?” He asked, mentally face-palming. 

You nodded hesitantly. Well, that was better than nothing. You decided to not press on further, silently hoping that he would start the conversation. The air around the two of you was so tense... You felt like you were going to suffocate soon.

Noctis didn’t show it, but he felt the same way. Occasionally, he’d open his mouth to speak, but nothing would come out. He started to grow frustrated. He couldn’t remember the last time he had trouble with this... Why now, of all times? Finally, he groaned and glared down at the ground. “You wanna know why I’m upset?” He started, causing you to turn and look over at him with a confused expression. “Because out of everyone I could end up jealous over, it had to be my best friend. Why, you’re probably asking? Well, it’s because of my other best friend.” He muttered stubbornly. 

You stared at him, a confused look forming as he continued to speak. “I’m sorry, I don’t think I’m following.” You admitted awkwardly.

“It’s...” He sighed, pushing his pride out of the way. “It’s because of you and Prompto, dammit.” He sighed, running his fingers through his hair. “I didn’t want to admit it, but the way you two are together... You guys are better friends than you two and I ever were. And I know how Prompto gets... He sees someone and suddenly, he’s like, in love! And I don’t want him to be in love with you. It’s selfish, but I don’t. Out of all the women that he meets, why did he have to go and fall in love with the same person I fell in love with?” He ranted, shaking his head. 

You could feel a blush creeping up on your skin the more he spoke, causing you to hide your face by looking away. “You... You l-like me?” You stammered out of shock, as if you were still processing it all. “Wait, you’re jealous of Prompto? I thought you were jealous of me... I’m still confused.” You confessed with a sigh. 

“I like you, alright? Prompto was going to steal you away from me, and I couldn’t stop myself from getting jealous.” He admitted fully, rubbing the back of his neck. “I’m sorry, I don’t want to ruin things between us, or between you and Prompto. I think I said too much...” He groaned, shaking his head. 

While you were still processing his entire confession, Noctis ended up standing, preparing to head back. “...We should go.” He muttered, trying to pull you out of your confused daze. You glanced back at him, hesitantly nodding as you stood again. 

“Y...Yeah...” You responded, gathering yourself and following along with him. For most of the time, you both were in silence. Noctis seemed to be relieved that he finally got all of that out, and actually felt better now. Meanwhile, you were still comprehending everything that just happened in the last twenty minutes. Noctis liked you? Like, like-liked you? You? Just a commoner? Still highly confused, you felt yourself beginning to piece everything together since you first met. His gazes, he never really looked at you like a friend. He spent so much time with you after you first met, he took you almost everywhere. But he was getting married soon, wasn’t he? How could the two of you have a relationship like this...? 

“...Noctis.” You whispered hesitantly, looking up at him with a slightly troubled expression. “If you do like me... Like, actually... What about your wedding?” You asked softly, your brows furrowing as you looked down at the ground. 

He let out a soft sigh as he slowly shook his head. “I’m not sure... I don’t know what to do about anything at the moment.” He confessed, staring up at the sky. 

You nodded hesitantly. “Right... I guess that makes sense.” You responded, unsure of how else to respond. The two of you continued to walk in silence. Countless thoughts filled both of your minds, the two of you trying to find a solution for any of this mess, but neither of you came up with anything. Sighing softly, you reached out and took his hand without saying a word. 

Noctis raised his brows in surprise as he looked down at your hands, noticing how you seemed to be casual about it. A smile tugged at his lips as he allowed his fingers to wrap around yours, a quiet sigh leaving his lips. He could worry about everything later, right? This is what he needed now... He needed you.

[littlx-songbxrd]

ZIA A NEW THING ON AN OLD MATTER CAME TO ME

If Cordelia would have told Alastair how she feels at the end of Choi and insist on going to Paris because she can't be in London right now I think he would understand? And support her even if he wants her to stay because her well-being is more important?

There's a lot of "London is in chaos right now" and "she left when her family needs her" and "he'll be mad at her" (I think but haven't seen this in a while) but I also think it's reasonable she would need to take her mind off things after everything that happened?? The anger is more because she did it without telling anyone?

Anyway, we don't know for sure if she told Alastair right? She asked him to do something so perhaps she also told him why? He could have guessed too? I don't remember precisely what happened~

The main point: Cordelia confiding in Alastair and telling him what she wants to do and Alastair supporting his sister and what she wants/needs because he understands what it's like to be in a rough time and if it would help his sister then screw everything else. He wouldn't be mad if he sees that's what she wants, and that would happen if they talk heart to heart!!

Please I just want more siblings' content T^T

Sorry for rambling here I just think it would have been so touching :0

Hi styx <3

So Ok I UNDERSTANS EVERYTHING HERE

But at least in my opinion, when I say Alastairs going to be mad Cordelia left I've never necesarily meant hes mad because Cordelia chose to leave, or because she needed ti get away from the situation she was in. I alwsys thought hed be mad she lied to him, that she prefered running off than ever talking to him when he made it explicitly clear hed be there for her if something happened. Those are the exact words he tells her once she weds, that if she needs anything to just come home

After years of both of them isolating he was lead to believe they were finally gaining back a relationshio based on mutual trust, and I think whats going to hurt more than anything is to find out she trusted someone she had known for mere months than to simply trust him. And we've already seen how hurt Alastairs been before by this, because in chog when Cordelia spies on him he never gets angry for anything other than the fact she didnt trust him. Because all through the years he was aware hed let their relationship go to its worse of points, but he could rely they at least trusted eachother

Her not believing his word over that of a boy she had known for the smallest time in her life and for friends she had just met hurt, but to know she confided in someone about issues he tried his best to show she would be there with her for will absolutely sting

That with the stress for planning the funeral, the baby, everything. Hed find himself in the same spot he did back in chog. Fatherless, encharge of everything, the weight of the world yet again on him.

Only this time theres no small hope one day he'll tell Cordelia, and they can bear it together. Hes done it, yet here he is alone again

If cordelia had COMMUNICATED I ABSOLUTELY BELIEVE HE WOULDNT BE MAD, i just think the "alastairs gonna be mad at cordelia" doesnt come from her leaving

It comes from her yet again not trusting him

Also sadly her decision to leave happened after she talked to alastair so she couldnt have told him there, maybe she wrote a letter? Who knows!

[willddheartt]

26 Days | Wilbur Soot

30 days to fall in love with someone? Sounds easy right? It would be if that person wasn’t so unbelievably annoying in almost every sense.

You’re not sure how you found yourself in this situation, but you were positive there was no backing out now…

Series Warnings: Mostly fluff and angst, and a very poorly constructed enemies to lovers plot.

Word Count: 2264

Masterlist Series Masterlist

26 Days

God, you hated him so much! You wanted to scream it from the top of a building how much you truly hated Wilbur. But you couldn’t

Lately, no matter what you did or said on stream, he always had a problem with it. You had been streaming Minecraft together, on the SMP. You were just messing around, no lore this time. You suggested you made a house together in L’manburg, no matter what you did, the two of you couldn't agree on a material, you wanted to build it out of birch wood and cobblestone but he insisted on dark oak logs and spruce planks would look better together. You gave up and let him have what he wanted because he was so persistent and you knew had it gone on you would have blown up on him in front of all your viewers, and that’s the last thing you needed right now. 

You were up late, last night, planning out when you were going to meet up, and just a few hours ago the two of you got along perfectly. Laughing over the phone as you were laying in bed, chatting mindlessly. You wondered what happened between then and now.  You and Will planned to meet up in the middle of next week, you were going to drive down to see him and stay at his place. Although you brought up getting a hotel room, Wilbur insisted you stay with him, too tired to resist you agreed, but now you're starting to think maybe getting a hotel room might be for the best. 

You and Wilbur ended your streams at the same time, and you sighed as soon as you were sure it was off. 

“What?” Wil asked, still in the voice chat.  “What was that back there? Why the hell are you so disagreeable?” You let out.  Will scoffed, “Me? You’re the one who kept on insisting birch and cobble when that wouldn't even fit in L’manburg!”  “Jesus Christ,” You sighed, leaning back in your chair and running your hands down your face. “How in the hell are we going to get through this month?”  “Maybe you should stop being so uptight and argumentative.” Wil shot  “Fuck you,” You mumbled before clicking out of the chat and leaving your PC. 

You needed to get out of the house and away from any form of contact you had with Wilbur and social media. You had been cooped up inside your apartment for close to a week at this point, maybe some fresh air would do you good.  You grabbed a jacket and keys before leaving the apartment, leaving your phone charging on your desk. You didn’t want to bring it with you because you didn't even want to think about getting a text or any kind of notification from Wilbur right now, you knew you would have blown up at him completely. 

The weather was just beginning to turn nice, the air was warm but the wind still had a slight winter chill to it, although all the snow was long gone Jack Frost still made his lurking presence known.  Buildings lined the walls of a small square common area where teens mostly hung out after school and on weekends. The square had a fountain in the middle of it, the water had been shut off for the winter but with the warm temperatures from the last month, it had recently been turned back on.  You sat on the ledge of the brick wall around the bottom pool for the fountain, looking at everyone passing through on this nice Wednesday evening. Older couples out for an evening walk, middle-aged business people speed walking their way home from the office, teens scattering the open area, sitting on blankets and laughing in their small groups of friends. You found watching people be interesting, it made you think. 

We are all living our own lives at the same time and most of us on this small planet don't even know of one another, or if you know of them you don't know them, you only know their name. It's weird how that works.  It's astounding to think about though, what are the chances of meeting exactly who you did, at the time you did, and what a gamble it is for them to stick around. 

You had been sitting on the fountain for close to five minutes and when the wind had just started to pick up, sending a slight shiver down your spine.  Your mind was clearer now and you were no longer angry with Wilbur, it was stupid what you fought about and as much as it pained you to admit, he was right.  You were being stubborn and didn’t take into account the surrounding aesthetic of the area. It was your fault that the disagreement broke out in the first place. 

You got home and saw your phone had been basically blown up by notifications from Wilbur, asking if you were really mad at him or if it was for a bit that you took too far, but when you didn't answer he slightly snapped you, asking if you were okay and where you were.  You answered immediately, scared he might have been worrying.

Hey! You typed, Sorry I went for a walk after stream, needed to get out. 

There you are! He responded within seconds, I got worried. 

I’m okay, I left my  phone home, needed a break from the internet and things. You know? 

You mean you needed a break from me? 

You could have sworn, had you been on a video chat with him you would have seen him frowning. You weren't sure what about that message got you, but you found yourself almost with tears in your eyes, you didn't mean to hurt him and you hoped you didn't -what were you talking about. Wilbur didn't mean anything to you, he was just someone you kept in contact with because you were in the same friend group. 

No, you typed, not the whole thing at least. I just needed to clear my head, and i'm sorry for being such a dick on stream, I didn't mean to cause that, and you were right about the blocks. 

You sighed when hitting the send button, never in a million years did you think you would be telling Wilbur, The Wilbur Soot, that he was right about something. I’m sorry. 

Christ Y/N it’s alright, really. Just don't scare me like that again, I was starting to think something bad happened to you. 

I didn't mean to scare you, Wil. 

You found yourself feeling bad about leaving him in the dark while you were out, you didn't mean to worry him, you just didn't want to hurt him by blowing up at him. 

Still call tonight, yeah? He messaged 

You nodded, even though he couldn't see you. Yeah, I'd like that very much. I'll call you before I go to sleep. 

In the time that you had been a fake couple, you and Will had started calling while you were getting ready to fall asleep in bed, you usually ended up falling asleep before he did, the sound of his raspy sleepy voice lulled you to sleep like there was no tomorrow. You'd wake up in the morning to find that Wil left the call going, you thought it was cute. Sure it might have been some highschool relationship stuff but it was cute nonetheless. 

-

“Hello, Y/N” Will said through the phone, his voice sounding tired and soft  “Hi Wil,” You smiled, giggling slightly. Although you had just been on a voice chat with him earlier you loved hearing his voice when he was tired, it sounded like stirring honey into your morning cup of tea, or reading an old book, but specifically an old book that smells of must and age of being stored at the back of your grandparents bookshelf that hadn't been touched in years.  “You sound tired,” you mumbled, laying down with the phone resting on your stomach as you looked up at the ceiling.  “I am,” He hummed, “You don't sound very tired though, did you drink a lot of coffee today?” He asked  “A little more than usual, but I’ll be fine.” You sighed, your voice almost coming out in a whisper. There was something about talking to Wilbur before going to sleep that made you feel soft and loved, but you couldn't put your finger on exactly what it was. Maybe it was the thought of having someone there, or maybe it was just as simple as it was Wilbur and it was you.  

“Are you excited for next week?” He asked  “Right now it feels too far away to be real,”  “Who’s talking here, is it you you or is it us you?” He asked, unsure if your thoughts were good or bad “Its both,” You said. “It feels so far away to me right now, but so close at the same time and a side of me cant wait for it to get here, so we can finally meet in person. But another side of me feels like it’s good that it feels so far away because maybe something will come up and I wont be able to make it and i don’t want to think that or even say it because thats a terrible thing to say but you know how it is.” You rambled, trying your best to explain it to him in a way that he would fully understand the crossroads your mind is at, and not sound like a dick while doing it. 

Although you couldn’t see it, you could tell he was nodding along. “How about we make a deal, alright?” He started, “In these night chats, we don’t have to put on the face of the characters we play on stream and through out the day, Alright?”  You rolled over to your side, putting an arm under your head and setting your phone on the mattress by your head. “I like that. Deal.”  “Okay now tell me how you really feel about all of this” 

All the thoughts ran though your head a mile a minute, you didn’t know where to start honestly, you had a lot of thoughts but if you really looked at it and narrowed it down most of them talked circles around the same thing just using different words. 

“You promise what ever I say wont hurt you or make you flip out?” You asked  “Swear on Tommy’s life.” You could sense the smirk that tugged at the side of his mouth when he said that. “Okay,” You started with a sigh. “So I din’t really know where I stand on it anymore, at the beginning I thought this was going to be insufferable, but now that we’ve gotten into it for a few days, you’re really not that bad, but I’m still on the fence.”  “I hope come meeting, your opinion has changed a little bit more. But I do understand where you’re coming from. Its weird being able to talk off stream and such with you and not be fighting twenty-four-seven. It’s nice, I feel like I’m getting to know you better.” 

He was right, you had told Wilbur more in the last five days than you had ever in your years of knowing him. You were surprised to find out that he’s actually not as bad as you thought, but you would never tell him that bit. 

“Do you have to put on a character when we do those streams and such, Wilbur?” You asked, 

“I don’t think I do, and if I do it I don’t know what I’m doing it. It’s just something thats easy to do, I’m not sure how to explain it.” He replied “Do you have to when we’re talking like this?”  “No. Not at all, this is 100% me.” 

You’re not sure what part hit you the most, when he said he didn’t have to put on a full character mask when showing your ‘relationship’ to the public, or if this Wilbur, the tired one was the real Wilbur who you've been falling asleep with for the past three nights. You weren’t sure what you though you wanted to hear when asking him that but it definitely wasn't what you go, but maybe it was what you needed. 

The line went dead for a couple of minutes, you had the radio playing softly in the background to help you sleep better, and Wilbur seemed to be enjoying listening to you breathe through the phone.

“Hey Wil,” You yawned  “HM?” He hummed, you could tell he had his eyes closed with the phone by his face, like he did on one of your face time calls the other day.  “I’m soon gonna pass-out,” You whispered  “Thats alright, go to sleep. Get your rest, I’ll be here when you wake up, love.” He was so sweet it almost made your heart hurt.  “Okay” You nodded, but don’t hang up, okay? I like it when you’re here with me when I fall asleep.” 

You struggled to keep your eyelids open, feeling heavy and light all at the same time. You felt so light it was as if you could float away but you were too heavy and weighed down to get up and move, even if you absolutely had to move for whatever reason you don't think you could have. 

“Goodnight Wilbur, love you.” You mumbled into your pillow  “Sweet dreams.” 

[rrickgrrimes8]

Normality is Death

Chapter Two ~ My Current Existence

masterlist

My eyes darted across the room as I woke, rather abruptly, in a cold searing sweat. The whole room was matted in darkness and the lantern I had lit the night before had not soon gone out. I sighed hopelessly and pushed myself out of bed sliding my combat boots on as I did. I looked outside to see the break of dawn just highlighting the horizon - it's early then I concluded. I stretched and yawned as I left my room locking the door right after - just to be safe. 

A lot has happened since Mom, Shane and Carl left me in the forest that day, too much has happened really. It's been around 3 months since I last saw my family and although I'd like to stay hopeful, I can't shake the feeling that they're dead or hurt in some way. But regardless I need to forget them. They left me. End off - period. My family abandoned me and I have to live knowing that and they have to live knowing that they played a hand in what they think was my death. I know it sounds cold, brutal even but I tried, I really did. I looked for them everywhere. I did everything a 14-year-old girl could possibly do in a world like this and I almost died countless times trying. So I gave up. I gave up not only to protect myself but because I realised that they probably wouldn't be looking for me. Hell, they think I'm dead right? 

Since everything happened in Atlanta the government had been completely radio silent. Lots of people think it's because there's no one left to send a signal. I, however, believe that that's extremely morbid and I guess I'm still holding out hope that someone will swoop in and save us all. It sounds very fairy tale I get that. It's just I'm a 14-year-old girl and I'm so sick of this world already. To the point where I couldn't even think about living any longer in a world like this. 

Sometime during the second month of what people like to call the turning, I met some people. They took me in gave me food, a shelter, some water. Basically, they gave me essential shit I was definitely lacking. Something they also did was train me. I'm not the best, but I do have pretty basic training in hand to hand combat, the basic workings of a gun (thanks to my father mostly) and I'm pretty good with melee weapons. They protected me is what I'm saying. They are my new family - a better family I could ever ask for. 

Our camp consists of 2 houses, housing 4 or 5 people in each. Mitchell, our leader, oversees any newcomers and basically keeps law and order around here. I met them after getting trapped in Atlanta and getting cornered by a dozen or so biters. Mitchell and a few others came in and massacred all of the living dead and took me in.

"Yoohoo! Jacey get your ass up it's your turn to hunt!" my friend, Addie, shouted rudely to me as I walked down the stairs. 

"Jeez Addie, I'm coming don't get ya panties in a twist," I teased nudging her shoulder once I got close enough. She had her usual skinny jeans and a grey tank top on but her hair was styled in a pair of small buns rather than her usually high pony. 

At my reply, her eyebrows furrowed and her usually bright and beautiful eyes closed before sighing. "Do not jeez me, woman, you've got shit to do you're slacking!" she exclaimed practically pushing me out the door and into the burning sun. I promptly lifted my hands to cover my eyes from the brightness. 

"Oh my lord, I know it's your thing to be this emo vampire goth girl who only stays in her room away from people, civilization and oh how could I forget the sun. but this is ridiculous it ain't even bright out." Addie joked forcing my arm down making me embrace the scorching heat. 

"You call this civilization? If so you've got a warped definition" I said picking up a knife and gun from the armoury. 

"Just go before I get even more sick of you, Jace," Addie laughed as I rolled my eyes, gave her the finger and strutted away sassily. "And you be careful kid Mitchell went out yesterday and there were more biters then usual. He thinks a herd might pass through so don't use your gun and you know don't die?" She said almost seriously which was incredibly out of style for her but nevertheless, I smiled and walked off into the woods. 

She was right about the number of biters. After only being out an hour I've seen 16 in our woods alone and I haven't even ventured out in the city yet, which is notoriously worse but I only really have to go to Atlanta if we're desperate. I had only picked up 2 squirrels so far I guessed that the movement of the herd could be driving some of the bigger animals away, which sucks because once I tell Mitchell he's just gonna want me to go into Atlanta to gather supplies. I mentally groaned and sat down against some tree, wishing things were different. 

"Looky what we have here gentlemen." A husky voice called out from the shadows. I instantly stood up and gathered my findings and unsheathed my machete. 

"What the hell do you want?" I stood my ground as I saw a group of maybe 5 guys come closer. 

"Ooh she's sassy," the guy who looked to be the leader teased, "always liked a girl with a little spunk in her as long as she learns to shut up when daddy needs some pleasing." I could've thrown up right then and there if not for the guard I needed to keep up. 

"You're fucking disgusting," I stated unforgivingly, earning some laughs from the group. 

"You really are quite confident aren't ya?" I stayed quiet as he stepped forward, "I can always give you a lesson or two about respect and I mean clothing's optional." 

"How about you shut the fuck up before you really piss me off," I said calmly still showing my anger. 

The man in front of me however got furious over my words and brought his hand down to my cheek. I fell to the ground at the impact, "I told you to learn some fucking respect little girl." 

"And I said to shut the fuck up you creepy bastard," I got my machete out and cut into the guy's leg not giving any warning before punching him in the face, sending him towards the ground, "But you know speaking about respect. How about you learn some fucking respect for me or you know all of my gender?" I more ordered then questioned while striking the guy in the face again. "And next time, asshole, watch your tone when you speak to a woman," I smiled sweetly at him before marching off into the opposite direction. 

"Oh and if I see anyone of you anywhere around here, I'll chop each and every single one of your dicks off."

I arrived back home later that night after hunting another squirrel and a rabbit on top of my earlier findings. 

"So whatcha get for us tonight babydoll?" Mitchell said after seeing me walk up. Mitchell was a 25-year-old now-former English teacher who somehow became our leader. He wasn't extraordinarily brave nor was he an elite strategist but he was a good mentor, who had people that trust him - those people including me. 

"Just some squirrel and a rabbit nothin' special." Mitchell nodded as I started to walk away, "Any trouble?" 

I span around to him before saying, "always." Mitchell gave me an unimpressed look before taking my hunt and walking away. 

"Why am I not surprised?" he laughs while passing most of our group towards the fire. "Anything serious?" I shook my head before sitting on the rough log placed next to the heat. 

"Jus' some jackasses who thought they could take me. Guess I taught them a lesson in respect." Once again Mitchell laughed and sat next to me. 

"I know I don't need to tell you this every time you go out but you've got to be careful, okay? Your safety is my top priority and I know you hate to hear it but you're only a kid. And kids can get hurt pretty easily especially in this sort of life and I'd hate to see that happen to you." Mitchell wrapped his arm around me in a brotherly sort of way as I nodded. I understand he just wanted to help regardless of how much I hate to be called a kid. 

"I'm smart Mitchy. I'm not just some dumb kid. Plus haven't you heard I'm kind of undefeatable. Nothin can kill me," I boasted standing up and heading away from the majority of our group and back to my room. Before I left I saw Mitchell smiling then going off to talk to someone else.

I entered my room lighting a candle straight away and then dropping my bag. As soon as I entered all I could smell was the stenched of sweat and gore. I honestly don't think I've ever gone this long without a shower and I miss it so goddamn much. I miss so many things. I miss deodorant, a warm bed, fast food, soda and not to mention my mom's famous spaghetti bolognese. Just because I wasn't a fan of the woman does not mean I cannot love the food because damn she could cook. The only thing she couldn’t master, however, was pancakes but that didn’t stop her from trying. I smiled slightly reminiscing of the family meals we would have whenever we got the chance. We would all sit around the table talking, eating and just enjoying being around each other. But now they're gone so that's not going to happen anytime soon for me.

"What are you doing, Grimes?" Addie asked pulling me out of my trance.

"Nothin'," I spoke shortly before lying down onto my bed. 

"Don't seem like nothing. Talk to me, love." She walked over and sat next to me taking her hand into mine. 

"M' okay," I reassured her before closing my eyes. I felt Addie shift closer to me still holding my hand causing me to smile. 

Addie was the only other teenager in this group so we bonded pretty quickly despite her being 2 years older, "You don't have to be okay, Jacey." I couldn't help but shudder at her words - the same words I heard from Shane the day it happened. 

"Don't say that, please." I hadn't even realised the quiver in my voice before Addie sat up, bringing me with her. 

"Hey, it's okay, I'm sorry I didn't mean to upset you," The brunette girl said to me. 

"It's not you i-it's jus'-" I couldn't finish my sentence before I started to sob. Memories of that night haunted me. I lost so much and so did everyone else but I couldn't understand how they were so okay with it. I lost my home, my dad, my family and my childhood all in one night. And I'm so sick of trying to be okay with that. "I just miss them so much." I finished while getting devoured by Addie's arms. I could hear her softly singing in my ear in order to calm me down and it soon did. I relaxed into her arms after a few minutes but neither of us made any indication that we were going to depart. 

"Who did you lose?" She asked gently. 

"Everyone," I could feel myself beginning to cry again but I pushed it away - I couldn't be weak any longer. 

"I'm sorry, Jacey. I hate seeing you like this. I wish I could take your pain away." 

I hummed shakily before looking up into her brown eyes, "Then do it." With that, she leaned in. Slowly I started to prepare myself to meet her lips but it never came. 

She pulled away from me and stood up, "We can't do this."

I sat up as well but remained seated on the bed, "Why?" She gave me no answer and just looked out of the window. "Addie, please, just tell me why not? For christ sakes, the world has ended. We've got nothing else to lose." 

"It's wrong," She said simply yet with so much emotion and left the room.

I felt the tears begin to return and I just let them fall.

"It's wrong."

That's all it took to break me -  2 words. 

"She's right."

[yyxgin]

hi are we friends yet because ♡ i have decided to come to you whenever some stupid bts shit goes through my mind and today i offer you: a drabble in which the boys invite you (a close friend mayhaps?idk i didn't think this through) to visit them on tour and you have to share a bed with a member who isn't exactly fond of you but you end up cuddling and he goes all soft for you when you wake up?only if you want to!!you don't even have to write it you can just respond 'yes 💞' and i'd say thank

hi hello we are best friends now,,please come to me with all the bts shit i'm willing to write everything. anyways here it is,,you did not specify the member so i wrote it w seokjinnie (i'm living for this au btw,, its so over-used but still good lmao)

pairing: seokjin x fem!reader ; genre: idk man, angst? and than fluff? seokjin hates you and then he does not ; words: 1.5k ; warnings: mentions of alcohol, maybe curse words i'm not sure, jin is a meanie >:((

Kim Seokjin wasn't exactly fond of you.

So when he found out that his band mate Jungkook insisted on bringing you, his best friend, to visit them on tour for a week, he was furious.

„What do you mean y/n is coming? You won't be able to focus, she'll only distract us from work.“

His excuse was a poor one, but it made sense. The bad thing was that his younger brother was quick to sweep off any of these reasonings off the table.

„Seokjin hyung, she's my best friend. I promised to take her with me some day and she always wanted to visit Spain. And it's only for a week.“ his pleading was a pain in the older's ass. He always gave in for his little one.

Why didn't Seokjin like you? Well, that's an interesting question.

You were quite childish in his eyes, being the same age as his maknae. He never saw you as a grown woman, you were always a little girl for him. The age gap wasn't that big, but to Seokjin, it seemed like a good enough reason for him to have second thoughts. You two haven't really talked to each other that much, but he felt like your personalities just did not click well. So with that, Jin has made his mind. He didn't hate you, but he was more happy when you weren't around.

„You guys were so good!“

These words were the first Seokjin heard when he came back into the waiting room at the stadium. He rolled his eyes as he took a seat on the sofa and tried to catch his breath.

„Thank you!“ Jin watched Jungkook as he took you into his arms and span you around.

„Especially Jin, Epiphany really made me tear up a little. Your managers made fun of me when they saw me.“ you giggled and took a seat next to your best friend on the sofa.

„Yeah, sure.“

Jin's tone of voice made your best friend glare at him. His words hurt you a little, but you weren't going to show it. You weren't a little girl anymore.

„We are getting drinks! Y/n, you're coming, right?“ Jimin asked you and pierced you with a playful look.

„Of course I am!“ you laughed.

Everyone liked you. Not Seokjin. It was weird.

But as the boys catched their breathes, changed and ate dinner, all eight of you made your way into a packed club in Madrid to celebrate the success their toor has been so far.

If you weren't there, they wouldn't be getting drinks right now. But it was your last night here, so they wanted to make sure it was a memoriable one. It made Jin's stomach twist. Are you really a kid that needs to be entertained?

„Promise to not get drunk.“ you said to Jungkook in a low tone.

Jin's ears pricked up on the sound of your voice.

„I won't.“

„Promise. I don't want to take care of you tonight.“ your scolding made Jin smirk.

Jungkook was known to be a literal baby when drunk and everyone knew this. It was understaneable of you not wanting to be his care-taker for the last day of your visit.

But Jungkook did not keep his promise.

And so when it was past 3 am and everyone was drunk out of their minds, it was your job to get them to their hotel. You were sharing a room (and a bed, you two really didn't mind) with Jungkook and you really wanted to sleep, because the night has been everything but fun to you.

Everyone got drunk. You did not. But neither did Jin.

He saw you struggling to carry your best friend. Altough he thought that this whole drinking session was for you, it seemed now that you didn't even enjoy drinking. Seokjin furrowed his brows as he came up to you and helped you with the heavy beast your friend was.

„Let's go. I've sent the rest of them in a cab to the hotel already and another one is waiting for us in front of the bar.“ his voice was low and considerate, but loud enough to cut through the loud music.

You shamefully looked to the ground and nodded. Why were you acting so bashful?

You eventually got to the hotel, so now it was time to go to your room and get him to sleep. Jungkook, on the other hand, had a different idea.

„I want to sleep with Jimin tonight.“ he offered.

„No, Jungkook, we are sharing a room.“

„But I want to sleep in Jimin's room.“

You knew there was no use in trying to convince him. If you'd bring him to your room, he'd only get up and try go get to Jimin's room, which would cause only more trouble. So you nodded along and with Seokjin's help, you tried to walk him to Jimin's room.

Once the door behind him was closed, you were left with Jin. It was strangely quiet.

„Umm… thanks for the help. You can go to sleep now. Sorry for bothering so much.“ you let out and shyly smiled at your companion.

„Well, I'd love to, but your best friend just went and took my bed, so…“

The realisation hits you. Everyone was now in their rooms, all the beds were taken. The only bed free for the two of you to use was the bed you were supposed to share with Jungkook.

„Oh, well, you can sleep in my bed. I'll take the floor.“ you said and began to walk to your room on the other side of the hallway.

„What about Jungkook's bed?“

„Well, we were supposed to share. So, it's the same bed.“ you were red in your cheeks. The sight somehow made Jin chuckle.

„How practical.“

He didn't say anything else as he walked into your room. The bed was big, there was no trouble with two people sleeping there and not running into each other's bodies.

But even after this realisation, a confusing sentence left Seokjin's mouth. „It's fine, I'll take the floor.“

„No!“ you let out, suddenly wincing at the urgency in your voice. „I mean, no. It's my fault, so you take the bed. You need to sleep in a comfortable place, you are a performer, you can't wake up with a sore back.“ you explained.

It was good to hear from you. The words didn't sound only polite, but considerate as well, making Seokjin look at you in a slightly different way. „Sleep in the bed too. It's big enough." he muttered.

The blush on your cheeks deepened. „No, I can't…“

„For the love of god, just do it. I want to sleep already and I'm not in the mood for bickering.“ he snapped.

The tone of his voice cut through you like a knife. He sounded so annoyed. You hated feeling annoying. You didn't reply.

So after a few minutes, you found yourself sharing a bed with Kim Seokjin. It was strange. And weird. And it definetly made your heart race.

Jin's heart? Fine. But his conscience? Bad.

„Sorry for snapping.“ he said into the quiet room.

„Oh, it's okay. You have every right to be annoyed with me.“

„Do I?“ his question caught you off guard.

„Well, I know that you hate me.“

„I don't-“

„And it's fine, really. I tried really hard to get you to like me because what Jungkook's friends think of me means a lot to me, but it seems like I did something that made you dislike me, so…“

Your back was turned to him, but just the sight of you curled up in the corner of the bed made his heart broke a little. The realisation hit him. You knew all along how he felt about you, but he never thought about how it made you feel.

Did he really have a valid reason to dislike you?

The room is quiet for a while and you thought that Jin has already fallen asleep, when his voice called you again.

„Did you really cry during Epiphany tonight?“ he asked.

„Yeah.“ you chuckled.

Jin doesn't know what moved in him or when it happened, but he had a sudden urge to hold you. Like he wanted to erease every moment he's been horrible to you with just a little touch.

So that's what he did. He hugged you. And you let him. Hell, you've been dreaming of it for a while now.

The last thing you heared before falling asleep in his arms is a heartfelt, guilty and honest apology.

„I'm sorry.“

And when the morning comes, Seokjin wakes up and watches you with hazy eyes. Your skin is illuminated by the morning sun and your face looks cute when you are sleeping. He woke up with you still in his arms and something about that thought makes him bubble up inside.

When the morning comes, Kim Seokjin can think only of one thing: How could he ever hate you?

[twistedcharismaaa]

Lost & Found Pt 4

Summary: You’re living a suffocating life and you finally find breath in Masego.

Author’s Note: Hi guyssss! I’m finally back with another chapter. I really struggled piecing this chapter together so I really hope you guys enjoy! Leave a comment for ya girl! You know I live for the commentary, I love you guys so much! Enjoy!

Micah’s eyes left yours for a brief moment. He inhaled and leaned his head back on the wall and readjusted his shades on his face. He watched his calculated chaos unfold in the elevator which gave him much delight. 

“You know I told you my name…” he said while raising a finger and wagging it dramatically.

“You even told me your boyfriend’s name, but you never told me yours.” he continued.

You slowly pulled off your rubber yellow cleaning gloves one by one and tossed them on the supply cart. You crossed your arms and leaned back on the wall behind you letting your eyes trail the many lit elevator buttons. 

“Charisma,” you answered with a subtle smirk on your face. 

“Charisma? You know I’m full of that,” he said while placing his right hand on his chest proudly.

Again, you found yourself laughing. You shook your head and rolled your eyes towards the ceiling before eyeing him once more with a half-smirk.

“That I can clearly see,” you answered.

“You know what I want to see right now?” he quizzed while pulling off his black shades and stuffing them in the pouch of his all-black hoodie.

“Indulge me,” you responded completely intrigued. 

“Me and you having lunch,” he said while waving his hands in the air theatrically as if he was actually visualizing it.  

“So, are you hungry, lady?” he asked with a raised brow.

You inhaled silently and eyed the elevator for a short moment. Letting your eyes wander from wall to wall. Finally, you fixated on a painting that rested on the wall behind him. You’ve seen this painting a thousand times before but today, for whatever reason, it caught your attention. You admired its simplicity which made it even more elegant. You visually found pleasure in the contrasting colors of blue and red. The uneven brushstrokes seemed to tell a story that mirrored yours. It was a painting of a cup that was half-full. Or was it half-empty? Looking past Micah you spoke lowly.

“If I told you a secret, would you keep it?” you asked still eyeing the painting.

“Absolutely,” he responded. 

“This is the most I’ve laughed in a while,” you admitted while swallowing slowly. Now locking eyes with him, you continued to lean on the wall behind you for support. You bit down on your bottom lip nervously and waited for his response.

“And why is that?” he questioned.

“Life hasn’t been so kind to me lately. I’m figuring things out - figuring me out actually. So I don’t know if I’m the perfect candidate to have lunch with.” you said while changing positions. This time, you shifted your weight off of the wall’s surface and placed both hands on the supply cart. You watched the elevator doors close and open. The classical music playing in the background seemed to intensify. Or maybe this moment was intensifying?

“I have a secret too since we’re sharing,” he admitted. You enjoyed his speaking voice. It oozed calmness and embodied serenity. 

“I saw you last night at the club. You looked beautiful by the way. While I was on stage, all I wanted to do was dive in and save you. I would take you away if you’d let me. Lunch is just the first step.” he said while eyeing your frame subtly.

Your heartbeat quickened as your palms grew sweaty. He watched you like you were the only thing that mattered. His intense, penetrating eyes piercing right through made you weak. It scared you but intrigued you.

“You’re famous. You whisk away every girl that you find pretty?” you quizzed trying to make sense of it all. Just last night, you had a man that refused to touch you. Just hours ago, you were neglected in every way that you could think of. And now, you have a caramel kissed man standing in front of you treating as if you were the purest diamond. As if you were rare, unique, and completely hard to find. 

You watched a smile dance across his full lips. He shook his head and licked his lips before answering.

“I hate being famous actually. For many different reasons that I, unfortunately, don’t have enough time to tell you. We’re running out time lady.” he said while watching the elevator buttons. “It’s hard finding authenticity in people. It’s hard finding real love, real emotion, real music - I can literally go on and on. Everyone hides behind facades and masks. You’re different. You’ve always been you it’s just no one was insightful enough to pay attention.” he continued.

You finally reached your destined floor. The doors opened and you felt your heart sink. You didn’t want him to go. 

“Thank you for making me smile today,” you said softly.

“Best believe, it was my pleasure. See you around Charisma,” he responded while holding the elevator door open for you. You reluctantly exited the elevator and waved him goodbye.

--------

After a tedious day of working hard, you decided to attend your appointment with Tiffany, your trusted therapist. After the loss of the baby, you’ve been seeing a Tiffany inconsistently. By nature, you were instinctively self-reliant due to your own insecurities and the insecurities forced on you by others. Desmonde thought it was a waste of money and your friends who you barely speak to now had their own speculations. You viewed Tiffany as a human diary, holding your precious secrets - holding your darkest memories. There were times where you made progress and had these astounding revelations ready to make leaps and bounds in life and unfortunately, there were times you left feeling the absolute same. Consistently, inconsistent with your mental health, with your emotions, with your goals, and with your dreams. Maybe you cared too much? Too little? Maybe you were broken beyond repair? You grew up in a single-parent household where your mother showered you in the healthiest love and attention. Every time you needed her she was there. Constantly, going over and beyond for you - with you. But with her passing at the tender age of 20, it seemed as if life came at you like a raging storm. Quickly, devouring you piece by piece and brick by brick. At 21, you dropped out of college. Working like a dog and living check to check. At 21, you met Desmonde and fell for him and by 22 you were pregnant. Now at the new fresh age of 23, you were alone again.

Tiffany opened her office door and greeted you with the brightest smile. She wore a sky blue buttoned blouse and grey slacks. She wore her hair down making her amber highlights easy to notice. You greeted her with a smile and a warm hello before entering her office. Casually taking a seat, you noticed that she redecorated. Had it been that long since you’ve been here?

“How are you feeling today?” she asked while opening her mustard yellow notepad.

“Confused,” you said while tugging at the sleeve of your dark red hoodie.

“Hmmm. Why is that? Oh, and happy belated before I forget,” she quizzed attentively.

“Thank you. I actually broke up with Desmonde on my birthday. I don’t mean to make it as aggressive as it sounds. I just didn’t know how else to um say that.” you admitted still fidgeting with your sleeve.

“What brought this on?” she asked now actively scribbling in her notepad.

“At this point, I’m convinced it was inevitable,” you answered now making direct eye contact.

“How so?”

“He didn’t touch me, nurture me, educate me, push me - He didn’t do a lot of things. My cup was always half empty with him.”

“You’ve been together for quite some time, right? So why did you stay? If he didn’t water you or stimulate you? Why give him so much of your time?”

“I stayed because I thought he was what I deserved,” you admitted.

“Why do you think you deserve to be wilted and neglected?” she questioned.

“That’s a question I keep asking myself honestly,” you responded.

“It sounds like this break up with Desmonde brought self-awareness to you,” she suggested.

“Can I ask you something?” you quizzed.

“Of course,” she answered smiling meekly.

“I’m naturally closed off. But today, I had the deepest conversation with a stranger. What does that mean?”

“What did you talk about?”

“I admitted to him that I was practically unhappy,” you said while finally resting your busy hand. No longer messing with your sleeve.

“That’s very interesting. And his response was?”

“His response was that he would rescue me if I’d let him. And the crazy thing is I believed him,” you said feeling a smile grace your lips.

“This stranger sounds like quite the charmer,” she said smirking and taking more notes casually.

“His name is Micah. He’s a guest at the hotel,” you admitted.

“So not a stranger then?” she quizzed.

“ An acquaintance I suppose?” you replied.

“So, you’re questioning why you’re doing something that’s typically out of your guarded character? Yes?”

“Yes,” you stated.

“Maybe subconsciously you want something different. Different responses attract different reactions. You put out a different response because internally you’re longing to break routine. After feeling half-empty for so long, it’s only normal to crave to feel full.”

“He asked me to lunch. I declined at first of course. But now, I’m reconsidering because of note he left me while I was cleaning his room.”

“What did it say?” she asked completely enticed.

“I-I have it in my pocket. I’ll read it to you.” you stuttered.

Slowly pulling the note from your pocket, you cleared your voice and read it aloud. 

“Listening to music doing nothing but thinking of you. Thinking of your body and how it was handcrafted by God. Each curve sexier than the last. My mind keeps reminiscing about your sweet smile and how it fiercely ignites me while softly illuminating my soul. Those soft plump lips begging to be kissed on. I never have seen a woman so radiant. I’ve never seen eyes so captivating and so pure. I continuously watch you - study you in hopes that I can understand your beautiful complexity. I can see the brokenness. I know we barely know each other, but everything happens for a reason. I hope that you’ll let me kiss you in every area that he’s hurt you. But first, let me be a friend. - Micah”

Before you knew it, tears streamed down your cheeks connecting down to your chin. 

“Why are you crying Charisma?” Tiffany inquired.

“I haven’t had a friend in a very long time,” you answered honestly.

“There is no perfect way to heal. Healing comes in many different forms. It can come through isolation, art, family, new scenery, and friends. Charisma, maybe it’s time for a friend.”

You nodded in acceptance and quietly thought to yourself about the painting from earlier. Cup half-empty or cup half-full? It’s all open to interpretation. All you knew is that you’re ready to be full. To be whole. 

Interrupting your thoughts, Tifanny posed a question.

“So what do you say Charisma?”

“I say, it’s a date. I need a friend more than I need anything else right now. It’s a date.” you answered.

------------

Part 3 Part 5

@l-auteuse​ @ghostfacekill-monger​ @thickemadame​ @chaneajoyyy​ @soulfood-fics​ @nizzle-mo​ @jamielennkeeler​ @ljstraightnochaser​ @pineappear​ @lostennyc​ @miss-nneka​ @thadelightfulone​ @qweentbh​   @big-brows-bigger-dreams​ @rosemilage​ @sarcastic-sunshines​ @mygirlrenee​ @keiva1000​ @justanothernerdgirl​ @cyntgefel01​ @libbylivliv​ @theboldlady​ @geriixox​ @seffyn​ @errin261​ @migosis​ @cocogodess15​ @scrumptiouslytenaciouscrusade @kemkem101 @peacefuldesiress @babbyaangel @mooon-berry @ju5tp34chy

[artisticestheticreads]

ROXANNE: Chapter Three

A/N: Haiiiiiii, Loves. So,I know my third chapter is late but I been sick while working some crazy, long hours and was depressed all at the same time BUT I feel better now. So, here is chapter three.

Warning: Mentions about death, weed and drug use, sexual innuendos and more. 

Song Recommendation: I listened to Hey There, Lonely Girl by Eddie Holman.

Word Count: 4884

*Gun shot noises*

Erik was at the gun range, getting target practice trying to kill time before his “appointment”. He took his ear guards and shades off while pressing the button to bring the wounded paper closer to him. He placed the paper between his hands and smirked at the shots he made into a cross. He took the sheet placing on the ground beside him and adding a new sheet to the mix. He put his head phones back on with his shades, played his music and continued.

He soon found himself at a cemetery with peonies in hand. He walked up the deep hill; to a graveside with a tomb stone molded into the ground, two sat by one another.He stood with his hands in front of his pelvis and look down to see the names, Annie Marie Stevens and N’Jobu Udaku. He cleared his throat to stop the tears and said “uh, hey, ma. Hey, pop. I’m here for our monthly talk. Y’know like when I was younger. Well, life been coo lately and what not but, uh, I’m just trying to still figure out life I guess.” He looked around and all the tombstones and sighed. “What is the point of leaving life? We just all gonna end up here anyways. When we are long gone, is there actually heaven and hell or are we just done for? Do we become something or someone else or do out corpse just rot and decay away?” He shook his hand, stating “I still don’t get this shit, y’all. Life’s hard especially with y’all not being here. I mean y’all here but just... just not physically. There was so much y’all didn’t get to teach me. Like love and shit. I just wished we all had more time. Y’know I always wonder how life would be if y’all were alive, man. Would we be happy? Would I still be an angry ass person? Maybe not since ma was into self love and meditating.” 

He smiled at the thought of his family sitting on the ground, meditating early in the morning. He began thinking about Roxanne too out of no where and uttered out “I met a girl. Her name is Roxanne. This woman is bad and beautiful too. Her voice is like, is like honey drizzling onto some toast. Her eyes, they got so much passion and fire into them. Her smile is just like freshly cleaned diamonds and she just so beautiful. She strong too, y’all. She reminds me of…” He looked at his mom’s grave and sighed again, missing her more and more.

 Erik placed the flowers down on their graves and kissed his fingers to place by their names. “I hope I make y’all proud. See ya next month.” He began walking away when he noticed a golden miniature motorcycle that sat on a grave plot; something told him to stop and read the headstone. “To, a brother who made others smile. To, a son who warmed his mother’s heart. To, a friend who made people calm and to, a man who lived his best life. Here lies…” He stopped and knelt down when he read the last part. He read it again while holding his hands together. “Here lies, D’Angelo Fosters.” He shook his head while holding his hand to the grave and closed his eyes, mentally saying his hi and goodbye.

                                                     ______

Roxanne was in her kitchen, in a wife beater, no bra and booty shorts cooking lunch for herself and Raymond. She had her hair wrapped in a towel to dry it as her hips moved to her reggae playlist. She was in the middle of making ox tails, with dirty rice and corn bread. She was winding her hips to the beat of Bonafide Love by Beenie Man. She was feeling herself as she turned the music up louder.

“I don’t why. Ooooh whyyyy”, she sung with her hands out and wooden spoon tossing in the air. “Aye, sis. I’m ba-“, Raymond said but stopped when he saw his sister vibing. He chuckled as he gently put the bag on the ground. He slowly walked behind her and began dancing like her until she turned around. “Bumbaclaat! Ray, you scared the shit outta me”, she said holding onto her chest to catch her breath.

“You was gettin’ it. girl. I was like aight then”, he said chuckling as she turned around. “You idiot. Anyways, how was the gym”, she asked, stirring the rice. He wrapped his arm around her shoulder and said “ah, man. It was whatever. Just like every other day. Of course, niggas was crowding up in there. Tryna pretend to be healthy and shit knowing damn well they ass gonna quit that shit in mid February.” Roxanne couldn’t help but laugh at that. Ray went over to the fridge to grab a water bottle and chugged it in one sip, shooting the bottle in the recycling bag. “So, how was the race since I can’t go up there?”

“Fine, 12 almost caught me but you know me. Gotta thank Erik for that.” Raymond looked to her with a rose brow and asked “Erik, Erik Stevens is back?” Roxxx nodded and said “yep and breathing too.” Ray slightly smirked and said “Damn, I ain’t see E in a minute. How he doing?” Roxxx checked the rice. “Good, I guess. He pretty cool. Just like bro said.”

“Invite him over”, he said as he took a spoon, dipping to the rice and eating a chunk before tossing it in the sink. Roxxx was mixing the cornbread batter as she spoke. “RayRay, he probably busy. Probably in some pussy right now.” Ray Ray smacked his lips looking her up and down. “Then he can come for dinner, Roxxx. C’mon I ain’t seen him in years. If you love me, you’ll invite him.” She looked at him and down and said “fine, I will try and invite him for dinner. No promises he will be here though.” RayRay kissed her cheek and ran to his room, leaving Roxxx with a smile.

                                                    _______

“Uh shit, daddy. I can feel you in my gut. Fuck”, said the light skin girl, nude and behind in the air. Erik held his fist into her lower back as they fucked to DaBaby in the background. He bit on his lip as he watched her pussy stretch around his dick, creaming all over. Yes, her pussy was good but he would get turned off when she ran. He would have to hold her in place.

All of a sudden, the ding from his phone caught his attention. He tilted to his right to see a text from ‘Roxxx’ with emojis of a chocolate and a yam . He began thinking about her so much at that moment. From her eyes, her frame to when she touched his marks. The way she smelled even made his dick hard. He smacked the girl’s ass, pretending it was Roxanne. He began pounding into her pussy as he thought about Roxanne. The way she took control in every situation got him about to explode all over. He muted out the girl’s moans and heard Roxanne’s voice in his head. He pounded in her harder while holding her hips close to him. He then released into the condom in one pump.

Minutes later, he locked up the house and lied in bed, freshly showered. He grabbed his phone and began dialing the number; he then heard “hey, baby boy. What’s up?” Erik chuckled and said “you like calling me that huh?”

“Maybe, maybe not. Anyways what you doing?” He sat up in bed, back against the headboard and said “shit nothing. Why? You wanna see me or something?” He chuckled when he heard her say “boy, hush.��� He smirked as he rubbed his abs. “Well, I was wondering what you were doing tonight. You remember D’Angelo’s little brother right?”

“Ray Ray? Yeah, I ain’t seen him since graduation.”

“Yeah, well he wants to see you and invite you for dinner and whatnot. If you can’t come, I understan-“.

“Nah, I can come. What y’all plan on having”, he asked sitting up, feet planted on the floor. “I was thinking about making some pot roast, with potatoes and greens and rolls. Ray Ray wanted a cheesecake so of course I made one for later. Then I made some iced tea and what not.” The line got so quiet until Roxxx asked “you still there?”

“So when we getting married”, he said making Roxxx laugh. “Boy, I’ll send you the address.” He soon hoped in the shower again and threw on a crisp black tee, jeans and of course some all black Timberlands. He finished the look with his father’s chain and his matching watch. He looked in the fridge and grabbed a bottle of chilled Jack Daniels before heading out; he placed the address in the GPS and was off.

Erik soon pulled up to the matcha toned home and saw the garage door open. Once he parked in front of the home, he grabbed his gift and looked around as he got out. Coming from the garage was some Doja Cat playing; Streets to be more specific. As he made his way to the front door, he saw a pair of female legs under a car with her right knee bent. The car was lifted up as she worked. Erik walked up to her right side, biting his lip. He can see her print under her shorts and thick thighs slightly jiggling.

“Are you gonna say hello or are you gonna keep checking me out”, Roxanne said catching him off guard. He chuckled and asked “can ya blame me?” She rolled out carefully and looked up to him with her brown eyes. Erik liked seeing her natural beauty where he can see her beauty marks and apple cheeks more clearly with her hair pulled up in a high ponytail. Roxanne sat up on her elbows with a slight chuckle and said “do I have something on my face again?” He rolled his eyes with a smirk and helped her up. She wiped her hands on the towel beside her, clean and dusted her legs off. He looked down at her frame then back to her eyes.

“So, what you doing there”, Erik asked as he watched her. She looked back to the car and let it down before opening the hood and propping it open. “Eh, just doing a monthly check up for RayRay. He had some gas leaking so I fixed that up. Had to clean out the AC vent so the air got a lot cooler.” She bent down over the edge slightly with her flash light as Erik checked her out more. Her cheeks looked so nice and plump enough to bite and never let go. “Now, I’m just checking the alternator and making sure the car won’t overheat easily.”

“How you know so much about cars”, he asked once she turned around and wiped her hands again. She leaned against the car and explained. “My pops. Used to do a lot of work on cars, detailing and shit. He used to tell me ‘baby gyal, ya will neva need a man for any ting. Make dem need you.’ ” She smiled at the memory and Erik saw that twinkle again. “Is he still around or nah?” She was about to speak until they heard “aye, Roxy. Have you seen”, Raymond asked as he walked to the garage. His eyes grew big as he walked up to the pair and looked Erik up and down. Erik smirked and said “damn you got big, Ray.”

Raymond gave him a brotherly hug and said “welcome back, bruh.” Erik patted his back as Roxanne stood back watching. Erik looked at Ray and said “damn, you gotta be at least-.”

“16.”

“Yeah, ain’t seen you since you was like three almost. How Momma Dukes doing?”

“She’s good. I mean she in the hospital again and is in a home to be watched more but she doing better.” Erik looked to Roxanne then back at him. “Why she there?”

Roxanne looked at Ray and saw the hurt in his face as he looked at her. She rubbed his back and looked to Erik. “Ma losing her memory. Between me working every so often and baby boy in school, we couldn’t watch her all the time. She had slipped and fell apparently and was unconscious for hours until I got back from work years ago. She was out cold for like hours then when we took her to the hospital, we found out she had dementia.”

Erik looked to the pair and shook his head while saying “I’m sorry to hear that.” RayRay looked to him and smiled a little before he saw the bottle in Erik’s hand. “Is that for us?” Roxxx smacked the back of his head and he rubbed it. “Damn, bruh. I was kidding, sis.” Roxanne folded her arms and said “Ima kid my foot up ya ass. Go take the bottle and put in the fridge and clean up for dinner.”

“You ain’t the boss of me.”

“I promised ma I will be and I ain’t breaking my promise any time soon. Now go.” Erik chuckled as he passed the bottle to him and watched him walk away. “Mean ass”, Ray muttered under his breath and Roxxx threw a basketball at his back. “He must forgot I can hear anything.”

Erik followed her into the house and removed his shoes before placing them at the front door. Roxanne looked back at him and said “I see you was raised right.” He smiled and sat on the couch watching her in the kitchen as he got a text from the last jump off. Daddy, I miss that dick, he read in his head. He looked over at Roxanne as she grabbed the mitts and removed the pot roast, making his stomach grumble more. He made his way over and leaned against the corner as she stirred the greens. “You got it smelling good in here”, he complimented. She thanked him with a grin. “Who taught you how to cook?”

“Well, it was a combination of ma and my mom. Taught me all my life. I would just watch ‘em and all”. Erik looked around to see frames of multiple people but one caught his eye more. In the photo, looked to be an younger Roxanne with two other people. One was a man with soften ginger head of hair with medium brown skin. He wore a polo shirt with jeans and flip flops; the bottom was cuffed. The other person was a woman with skin like Roxanne and long braids down her back. She wore a long flow sundress that showed her frame; her and Roxanne could easily pass for twins.

Roxanne took noticed and said “those are my folks” as she drizzled juices over the roast. Erik looked back to her, with a wondering mind. He wondered if he should ask or not; he left it be.

Once they finished eating, Roxanne and Erik sat on her couch as Ray sat in his room. Roxanne came back from her room with a pencil case. She sat beside Erik as he poured the chilled dark liquor into the glasses. She opened the case to reveal a snack size baggie if weed, plenty of blunts and a R shaped lighter. She began rolling as she leaned her back against the couch. Erik took a sip of his drink and watched her. The concentration she had was immaculate. “So, what was the Navy like”, she asked as she lit the thick blunt and taking a hit. Erik took another sip and said “awe well. Kinda reminded me of MIT. Niggas tryna be all big and bad and shit. We trained a lot. I bulked up and grew my hair out.” She nodded as he thought to himself.

“Where are they now?”

“Who?”

“Ya folks”.

Roxanne still was rolling her blunt when she said “back home in Jamaica. We, uh, we got separated when I was thirteen. They ain’t had their papers, some folks found out and they were gone when I came back from school.” Erik noticed how her shoulders slumped but her demeanor stayed the same. “Sorry to hear that.”

“It is was it is. Niggas were upset to see a woman with her business of owning a restaurant and a man with a car appreciation business basically. I was put up for foster care and hopped around from home to home”, she said before stopping in mid memory. She looked to her dagger as Erik sat closer and rubbed his shoulder. “When did ma take you in?”

“Took months. I was hopping from Malibu to Vegas, the ATL and every where on this hell hole. My last name changed so much but then D’Angelo reconnecting when he saw me at the mall out here. I was down the way around that time. Been through some dark times, even thought about taking my own life until I got away. I was 17 and in a real dark place. Then ma took me but wasn’t able to be released until 18; but still stayed around.”

Roxanne passed the blunt to him so he can take a hit. Erik let the air out through his nose as he asked “when was the last time you saw them?” Roxanne took a shot of her drink and said “last year. I go out there every once in a while but since ma got worst, I gotta stay back and watch RayRay.” Erik leaned his head back looking at her face as she let out some air. “I race because my mom did it.” She smiled at the memory and said “I remember when my mom and ma was actually competing one another. My mom was a biker and that’s when I fell in love with it. She was incredible. Seeing her decked out in all black leather was like inspiration for me. My pop and I used to go a lot with her. Every race, she called us her lucky charms.” Roxanne looked over at Erik’s eyes and asked “tell me about your folks.”

Erik’s demeanor changed slightly but he pulled his eyes away from hers to look at the ceiling. “They dead. My, uh, my moms was murdered in prison and my dad was murdered in our apartment. They found these deep ass marks in his chest while I was playing basketball. Not sure what happened but when I ran up to get something to drink, he was drowning in his own blood. It was everywhere. Niggas took my dad out and I never found out who. I was just like you, hopping from place to place. Some were what ever and some was bad as hell. Had one family where they adopted all kinds of kids and made us food that was worst than the food my moms had when she was locked up. I had some dark times until my last guardian took me in. Some young cat, about 32 to at the time. Taught me how to be book and street smart.”

Roxanne looked over at him then at the tv screen. “Where he at now”, she asked folding her arms. He looked to her and then where she was looking. “Died years ago. When I was in service over seas.” She closed her eyes and took a hit of the blunt again, letting the smoke out. She shook her head as she opened her eyes and handed the blunt to Erik. “Life’s a strange thing, E. We are put on this world just to get hurt, to feel then to die. Makes no fucking sense. Never will. Like seriously what is the point of living if we just gonna rot in the ground anyways.” He looked at her to see her eyes on him and nodded, agreeing.

“So, E. How come you single anyways? I mean you seem like a cool dude”. She asked folding her legs together and looking at him. “It’s simple. Never could find the one. I like being myself. I like being to myself. Like staying lowkey. I mean I fuck from time to time but that’s just fucking to me; no strings attached.”

“Same here. I mean yeah I got my crew and Ray but sometimes I just like being alone. I can think clearly with a book and some bomb ass music while smoking or drinking ya know? It’s just that when I by myself, I feel like-“

“You can breathe with focus “, he interrupted to add and looked over at her as she smiled small. They continued smoking for a while listening to old school music. “Aight, let’s see if you got good taste. Top three old school r&b artist, go,” Roxanne said before passing him the blunt. “Easy, Joe, Tyrese, and Usher,” he said all confident before she smacked his chest. “Nigga, I said old school not 90’s r&b. Just for that you get no more weed”. He kissed his lips and said “fine, muthafucka. What’s your top three?” She looked at him and said “Marvin Gaye, Eddie Holman and Donny Hathaway, boom!” Erik shook his head chuckling and said “aight, but picture this. You get high as fuck right? What will be your playlist? Top 5, any genre of music, any decade.”

“Awe damn, E. Shit. Let’s see, um, ok I got it. Yearning for Your Love by the Gap Band, Frontin’ by Pharrell, It Was A Good Day by Ice Cube, Computer Love by Zapp and Roger and Time Machine by Willow. Your turn.”

“Aight, of course we got It was a good day, Hands on the wheel by Schoolboyq, Gangstas Paradise by Coolio, Passin Me By by the Pharcyde, I wish it would rain by The Temptations and , I guess, Stairway to Heaven by the OJays”, Erik said rubbing his abs through his shirt. Roxxx took noticed, bit the corner of her lip away from before taking a deep breath. “So, Erik. About ya marks, are they everywhere?”

He looked to her to see that she was looking at the ceiling. Her legs were wide enough for him to see her mound print. She looked good enough to eat, literally. “Nah, they not.” As he looked away biting his lip, Roxanne turned her head to him. “Did they hurt?”

“Nah, well only for like a second but the more I did it, the less it hurt.” Roxanne nodded in agreement as she started to play music, rolling another blunt. She hit shuffle on her phone and The Gap band played. She placed the blunt between her lips and lit the end waiting for the spark to pop up. She placed her lighter inside the box and leaned her head back on the couch playing the air guitar with closed eyes and tapping her feet. Erik watched her as he chuckled making her look at him with a smirk; she handed the blunt to him. He noticed the scars underneath her left forearm tattoo; he counted at least twelve. He took a hit letting the smoke leave his nose. Roxanne was too busy lip syncing the lyrics to notice Erik’s glare. Roxanne was a beautiful woman who was a boss all in one. She had everything he was looking for but it was too early to mention it. They only knew each other for like a couple of weeks or so. With eyes like the glass of Jack Daniels she held in her hand. Her lips would look like two plush pillows around him and with a body like hers, she would be the only woman he fucked with. Erik always had a thing for independent women because it showed they didn’t need a man or anyone to be around so it made him feel special in a way.

  For hours, they just sat in comfortable silence, enjoying one another’s company. Roxanne was hanging off the couch with legs on the wall while Erik rested his head on her legs looking at the window, at the dark skies. “Aye, Roxxx?” She looked up at him like in slow motion and said “yeah?” His eyes fell on hers and said “we been getting fucked up all day, ma.” He smirked and she started laughing, agreeing with him. “Shit, the sun just said fuck y’all niggas, I’m going to bed”, she commented making him laugh. “Like I’m out this bitch. Y’all with the shenanigans”; they laughed again out loud enough for Ray Ray to come out. He was dress in a clean tee and sweats as he rose his brow to them. “Y’all niggas fucked up, man.” Erik and Roxxx looked at him and started laughing again.

Ray Ray rolled his eyes as he made his way to the door and he opened it, he reached out for a slender woman’s waist. Roxxx looked towards the door when she took in the faint smell of Bath & Body Works’ Japanese Cherry Blossom body spray, making her sit all the way up. The woman had icy blonde hair and medium brown skin. She wore a green tube top, jeans that hugged her curves and matching fuzzy slides. “There go my baby”, RayRay said kissing in her neck. She giggled while trying to get out of his grasps. Erik looked over at Roxanne who held a stank, irritated face; he chuckled while leaning back. RayRay looked into Erik’s face and said “Erik, this is my baby, Angelica. Angel, this is my brother, E.”

 Angel saw Erik on the couch and said “hello, Erik. I see Roxxx finally found a man instead of acting like one.” Roxanne was about to hop off the couch with her knife but was pulled back by Erik. Erik whispered in her ear low enough for the others to not hear. “Chill. We good, aight.” She looked back at him then rolled her eyes leaning forward. “And it look like ya finally got some good hair instead of that dusty crusty one you been rocking since Obama was in office the first time, huh?” Raymond chuckled but waved it off. “Sis, chill. My baby still looked good.”

“Since when has she every looked good. I’m amazed her pussy ain’t start a huge as tornado with all that hot air going in and out. More niggas ran through her than a white bitch in an all black porno gang bang.” Erik spit out his drink before covering his mouth. Angel placed her hands on her hips and said “you got jokes, huh? Well, I got one for ya. What you call a bitch that ain’t had dick since the ‘incident’?” Roxxx looked up at her with an irritated look then to Raymond. “You told her about that?” Raymond looked to her and said “nah, she probably over heard-“.

“Over heard what”; he was silent looking at Angel. Roxxx leaned forward picking up a new wrap as Erik watched. “Raymond, you need to go pack a bag. You need stay with that bitch for the week.” Roxanne began wrapping the blunt as Ray shook his head before looking to Angel, signaling her to go to the car; she went as he went to pack a bag and leave, slamming the door shut. Roxanne’s lit the blunt between her lips and lied back. Erik wondered what they all meant but decided it wasn’t his place. “You good, Roxxx”, he asked with a rose brow. She looked to him and said “I’m good. Just-“, she stopped and blinked away a tear he couldn’t see on the other side of her face. She stood up and handed him the blunt before saying “you can stay the night if ya want. We been drinking all day and I can’t let anyone get hurt drinking and driving out here.” He nodded and said “I’m down” She took a deep breath, clearing her throat and said “I’ll go get you some blankets and shit. I- uh- just washed so you good.” She smirked a little before straightening her face again and going to fetch the new sheets.

 Hours later, Erik was lying on the couch with his tall frame knocked out as Hey There Lonely Girl by Eddie Holman played from her room. Roxanne looked up to the ceiling in deep thought, right arm behind her head and left head arm resting against her stomach. Her lips were tight as she bit on her bottom one, nostrils flaring and eyes red, soaked with tears and brows stitched in anger.

~

I hope y’all enjoyed this chapter because the next would definitely make ya emotions stir up. 

*𝕋𝔸𝔾𝔾𝔼𝔻 𝕃𝕆𝕍𝔼𝕊*

@muse-of-mbaku @im5ftbutmythroat66 @chaneajoyyy @melanin-samii @theunsweetenedtruth @doux-ciel @unicornluvin8765 @vikkidc @wakandantings @thadelightfulone @mzamethystp @simbiann @tropicalsun10 @babydoll756​ @notoriouslynay @vminax @quinsly @pinkdemolition @quietstorm-73​ @chaoticcashfancroissant @bugngiz​ @chocolatedippedinhoney​ @yafavcocoa @lostgalaxies​ @mbakuwife @youreadthatright​ @babygotl01292003 @acceptyourselfloveyourself @madamslayyy​ @yoyolovesbucky​ @theogbadbitch @wakanda-inspired @bitchacho25 @toniilaney @wakandascrystal​ @girlsneedlovingfanfics @raysunshine78​ @melodyofmbaku @hearteyes-for-killmonger @silenceisplatinum @thickemadame​ @shookmcgookqueen​ @heykillmongerluhme​ @fonville-designs @cutewylie @allhailqueennel @10bsatatime @nickidub718 @lildashofmelanin @allhailqueennel @amirra88 @hakunalive4eva @thickemadame​ @ghostfacekill-monger @cherrystainedlipsbaby​ @nahimjustfeelingit-writes​ @fd-writes

[revengeworld]

The Circus V

Werewolf! Kylo x Reader Modern/Monster AU

Words: +3.200

Warnings: None

AN: HAPPY HALLOWEEN! I’m back! At least for the last parts for the Circus. The next Parts will be posted each Friday until we are done with them. I’m also writing on other stuff but I’m honestly not sure if I will post them. Zero Feedback = Zero Motivation to post them, since it makes no difference to me. So yeah we will see...

MASTERLIST: Can be found in my bio if you are interested in more!

-

“What happened to you?” Kylo chuckled when he came around the corner to find his beautiful girlfriend covered from head to toe in paint streaks. 

“I started your banner!” taking the cool bottle of lemonade from him, Y/N quickly took a few sips before brushing over her forehead to look at her work.

Following her gaze Kylos mouth fell open. With a chuckle she carefully pushed his chin up.

“Holy shit! That's me?” he asked astound and stepped closer to look at his own face on the gigantic Banner.

“Well yeah, who else. But it's still not finished so don't expect too much!” she mumbled a bit worried that she wouldn't be able to satisfy everyone's expectations.

“Oh don't make that pouty face, Moonshine. I look fucking badass.” grinning at the banner he already saw the wolf sketch that would be behind his shoulder.

“This will be awesome, you should really stop underestimating yourself so much.” he mumbled and pulled her closer, to press a kiss on her soft lips.

“I know … but that's how the progress works.” stretching herself, Y/N yawned.

“How about we take a little break?” Kylo already grabbed her by her hip and sat her down on the hood of his car.

“Yeah… the paint needs to dry anyway.” leaning back she already enjoyed the nice sunshine and closed her eyes before Kylo joined her.

“Ah wait, careful...” quickly shielding her ear with one hand, she grabbed the tiny white snake that had been sleeping in her hair again.

“Well … Hello Koh, what are you doing here… again?!” Kylo growled with a sweet tone to the snake who just looked away and curled around Y/Ns fingers.

“Phasma is training for her show and he is still too young so I babysit him.” with a smile Y/N started to pat it's tiny head and the little snake closed its eyes in relaxation.

“Well if you want a baby to take care of, I have an idea...” Kylo growled seductively in her ear and she started to chuckle.

“Mhmm I think I should listen to Poes tip and tie you up at night from now on.” with a teasing grin she pressed a kiss on the tip of his nose.

“I`m not in my rut!” he huffed offended and she just giggled even more.

“You are so sweet when you try to hide the truth.” ruffling through his hair, Kylo quickly pulled his head away, not wanting to give her the satisfaction.

“Oh come on. I`m just teasing, Darling.” Y/N took the last sips of her drink before looking surprised at the little snake in her other hand. 

“Did you hear that?” looking over to Kylo he only shrugged his shoulders.

“What should i have heard?” gently laying his hand against her cheek, she lightly shook her head.

“Maybe I just have been to long in the sun.” watching the little snake for another moment, she placed him back around her left ear before sliding off the car.

“I get you some water, then… Don't overdo it please.” 

“Don`t worry about me, you have your training soon!” she reminded him and he looked shocked down at his watch.

Running into the tent, he quickly grabbed a glass of water and brought it to her before pressing a strong kiss on her cheek.

“I`ll see you later! Love you! God dammit!”

Watching him run towards the big tent she could only try to hide her laughter.

“Yes you`re right. He is a bit clumsy sometimes.” Y/N answered the little snakes hiss and started to mix her paints to continue Kylos banner.

A few hours later, Y/N had made a lot of progress and the little snake slowly poked his head out between her hair.

“You want to take a break?” she asked it and Koh hissed delighted. For now the Banner needed to dry anyway and tomorrow she would be finally finished with the first one. It was only missing Kylos stage name now. Cleaning her brushes and the glasses she had used, she stepped inside the cool tent. She had already noticed that whatever kind of weather was outside, the tents were always at a comfortable temperature.

“Want to help me choose the colours for your Mamas Banner?” she asked the little snake while placing it next to her sketchbook on the wooden work desk.

Letting out a small hiss, Y/N nodded with a smile. 

“I'll get you some water then.”  getting a tiny bowl she filled it with water and placed it next to the small snake and watched him drink for a moment, before she pulled her aquarelle colours out of a drawer.

“So what do you think? I put you big in front like you wished for. Phasma right after you with all your other siblings.” Y/N stretched her hand out to the white snake who quickly slithered on it and looked down at the finished lineart she had made.

“Pretty!” the snake hissed and pressed his scaled snout against Y/Ns cheeks just like a small kiss. Giggling to herself, she watched Koh for another moment. So it was him she had heard earlier, first it was a little shock but now that she had time to think about it, it made sense. Since she was here she had noticed more and more magical things inside the circus, little things like the changing appearance of her co-workers, who looked more and more like their original forms. A man with horns, a woman with flowing hair as if she was constantly underwater or the wondrous animals she just had laid eyes on so far. So, that she was able to understand Koh it must have been a part of being here and especially being accepted by everyone, even though she was just a mere human, at least that was her conclusion to all of this.

“So since you're white, how should i paint you ...” Y/N started to mumble to herself while taking a closer look at Koh who rolled himself together on her hand.

“Rainbow.” he hissed and she noticed the lightest bit of colourful shimmer on his small scales.

“Oh I see! I can definitely try something like this!” grabbing another piece of paper she prepared an example and showed it to Koh.

With a small hiss the Snake observed the paper before turning itself to it's own body.

“More shimmer, please?”

“No problem, sweety. Silver or Gold?” placing two containers next to the test drawing the small snake looked between them.

“Silver, please.” he nodded excited and watched closely while she placed a thin layer over the light rainbow part.

“How is that, my little friend?”

“Perfect! Thanks!” getting booped by his snout again, Y/N smiled. It was nice to have the little snake around while all of the others were so busy preparing their acts, since the first date of the show was announced for this weekend.

Working on the colouring for Phasmas Banner, Koh slowly made his way on her head to watch from above while he curled around a strand of hair.

-

“Can we visit Mama soon?” the small snake asked after a while with a yawn and Y/N carefully stretched herself after putting her brush down.

“Yeah, let's go… I'm creatively exhausted too.” cleaning up her desk, Y/N soon made her way towards the big tent, the sun slowly sinking in the background.

Koh climbed back down towards her ear where he had the best grip and felt the most comfortable.

“Y/N? I was just about to come over to you.” Phasma was approaching them and Koh quickly stuck his head out of Y/Ns hair.

“Mama!” he called with a wide open mouth which made Phasma smile with adoration.

“Are you done already? Koh wanted to watch you rehearse.” Y/N stated and helped Koh from her ear before holding him towards his mother.

Surprised, the tall woman let Koh climb from Y/Ns hand to her own, not taking her eyes off of the young woman in front of her.

“How did you know?”

“He told me.” tilting her head the slightest Y/N shrugged her shoulders as if it was the most normal thing.

“Is that so?” Phasma smiled, not trying to show how concerned she was.

“Yes. She understands me, Mama. It's very nice. We talked a lot today.” pushing his head against Phasmas cheek for a moment, Koh soon slithered up into her hair.

“Let's go together then. Everyone is still in the tent. How did your painting go?” she asked while they walked to the Main Entrance.

“Good! Just need to put Kylos Name on the Banner tomorrow and then I will be starting with yours. Koh helped me pick most colours.” she smiled and the small snake nodded delighted, Phasma could tell he was very proud about it.

For her little child it was of course exciting to be able to communicate with a normal human, but it made her more than worried.

Entering the main tent, Y/N could already see Kylo on the wooden stage in his big wolf form, before someone laid their arms around her waist, it was Rey.

Y/N could feel Rey slightly rub her head against hers and she started to laugh. Since she had spent a few hours with the female werewolf to sketch her, Y/N and Rey slowly became friends after getting over the first awkward hurdle.

“Get your goddamn awful smell off of her!” Kylo suddenly screamed and came running, before turning back into his human form and ripping Y/N basically away from the other before nuzzling his face like crazy against hers.

Starting to giggle, she quickly pressed a kiss on his lips and in an instant he seemed to calm down.

“Come on, at least let me borrow her from time to time.” Rey called teasingly while stalking around them.

“In your dreams, bitten!” growling he wrapped his arms tighter around Y/Ns waist.

“Don’t be so selfish, especially when she smells so sweet at the moment.” Rey sighed deeply as if she was talking about the most beautiful thing in the world.

“Now you've done it!” turning back the black much bigger wolf chased around a brown one which only snickered while running away.

“What is it with them today?” Y/N laughed while watching them before Finn landed right beside her, which made her look up in confusing wondering where he even came from.

“As far as we understand it...”

“More like just assuming...” Poe interrupted.

“We think Rey is teasing Kylo for his rut, since you are ready to have pups.”

“Oh okay… Wait… what?!” first she nodded understandingly before Y/Ns eyes widened in realization.

“Kylo explained to us once that werewolves fall into ruts when they smell that their female is most fertile to have the pups.”

“And he smells that?!” she shrieked while sniffing on her own arm, her cheeks getting redder by the second.

“Your blood does smell a little sweeter than normal, I guess.” Finn agreed nodding.

Shocked Y/N looked at Finn, before she pulled the jacket around her shoulders closer and quickly zipped it up.

“Pervert ...” Y/N crossed her arms in front of her chest.

“No! Please don’t misunderstand I'm not doing it on purpose!” Finn plead to her.

“Vampires and Werewolves just have a very sensitive nose for blood. Believe me!” 

“How embarrassing ….” she mumbled and wrapped her arms around herself.

“Don't give it any mind. That's just how these things work i guess.” Phasma tried to calm her and patted her head.

Kylo had thrown Rey off the stage who landed in her normal form next to them.

“Fine big guy. I keep away from her for now until you calmed down.” the young woman bowed and winked to Y/N before leaving the tent.

The black wolf quickly came running again, his mouth curled up into a grin, very proud of himself to have defended his mate, before he turned back and embraced her.

Nuzzling his face against hers again, Kylo tried to get rid of every bit of smell that wasn't his.

When he looked down at her again and saw her flustered face, Kylo bit his lip, she was just too cute and goddamn tempting. 

“Sorry for the chaos...” he apologized and she only nodded slightly while avoiding his gaze.

“Are you already done with training? Kou and I planned to watch.”

“Ah yeah sorry … maybe tomorrow. I'm pretty beat too...” leaning with his heavy weight down on her, Y/N started to struggle to keep him up.

“How about we just go home and cuddle… lots.” he suggested with a loud yawn.

“Actually Kylo, there is something I would like to talk with you beforehand. If that's okay with you...” Phasma suggested and looked down at Y/N.

“Oh sure. I will prepare a nice hot bath for you, my love.” standing on her tiptoes, Y/N pressed a gentle kiss on his lips before she wished everyone else a good night and left.

With a heavy sigh Kylo watched her leave before he gave Phasma and the little snake on her head his attention. 

“What is it? You look pretty serious.” raising his eyebrows, she suddenly pointed up at the small snake that was just letting out a long yawn.

“Y/N can understand him! I don't know why or how, but she can completely understand him!” 

“Are you really sure about that?”

“I didn't see it myself, but Koh and her both confirmed it.”

“Wait… holy shit does that mean she is one of us?” sitting down next to the werewolf, Poe crossed his legs.

“She can't be...” Kylo stated shocked before letting himself fall on a chair nearby.

“She doesn't smell like any of us. And if Y/N really can understand him shouldn't she at least have a similar fragrance like Phasma?” he asked Finn who only nodded in thought.

“Yeah, they have completely different scents.” the Vampire agreed.

“She doesn't have to be a Snake person to talk to him. I mean… Nature Spirits could too.”

“And it seems like Y/N just now started to understand him, right?” Poe added and Phasma looked to her small son who slowly nodded.

“He tried before but today was the day she seemed to really understand him.” she explained to the others.

“That is… unexpected.” brushing his hair back, Kylo took a deep breath.

“Well it doesn't really change anything seeing that she might not know herself.”

“Is it only Kou she can speak to?”

“I don't know… come to my tent tomorrow and we can find out. It just really surprised me...”

“Finn and I could do some research if you want too...” Poe suggested but Kylo seemed to barely listen anymore.

“Yeah, I will try to talk to her about it.” standing up he left the others behind without saying another word and made his way to the edge of the Circus where their tent was.

As soon as he saw her, Kylo grabbed her by her waist and picked her up before letting his lips clash against hers.

With a chuckle she wrapped her legs around his hip and quickly held onto his broad shoulders.

“Don't get ahead of yourself...” she warned with a smile when she felt his firm grip on her behind.

“But you are so goddamn tempting.” kissing along her neck, he could hear her heartbeat fasten before she quickly pushed his face away and laid her hands over his nose.

“How do I smell like to you?” she asked ashamed and for a moment he looked confused at her.

“Oh … the others told you, huh?” nodding the slightest, Y/N laid her head on his shoulder.

“Well to me ...” leaning down to her he let his nose run over the exposed skin on her neck.

“You smell like a warm summer night and since yesterday there is a hint of sweetness that just drives me crazy. Similar to the Cotton Candy that we ate the night we met.” Y/N screamed when Kylo suddenly let himself fall with her onto their bed.

“And it's not just that, if you should think that. You`re drop dead gorgeous and i still can't fucking believe that you are mine. Only mine.”

“Okay okay enough or my heart will explode!” chuckling shyly, Y/N was the one who nuzzled her head against him.

“Are you sure, because I have a lot more.” he smiled while smothering her face with kisses.

“Kylo?” hearing her serious tone he stopped and looked down on her.

“How is that when someone is expecting pups? What happens at full moon when the baby is still in the mother?”

“You were worrying about that?”

“Well when we have pups at some point ...better I will be prepared, right? Besides it seems to be the topic of the whole damn Camp...” she mumbled and her cheeks started to flush with a pink hue. They never had gone further than snogging and already talking about children seemed a little much, but also necessary and she was curious herself.

“Oh sweetheart… let me show you something.” pulling out his phone, he rolled right beside her and showed her a few pictures. 

“I asked my mom to send them earlier this week.” he swiped through the pictures and watched intently when she started to giggle.

“Wait, is that really you with little wolf ears?” 

“Yeah that's me when I`m two. Werewolves start transforming around their 3-5 year. It will be just like a completely normal pregnancy my mother told me.” 

“So you were an early one, huh?” she grinned.

“I always was. When you hit puberty it's starts that the full moon takes over.” he explained while Y/N had taken the phone from him still staring interested at the pictures until she saw a small Kylo in a tub.

“Oh no! Your bath!” suddenly jumping from the bed she run to the back of the tent.

With a smile on his lips Kylo shook his head before his eyes fell back on a picture with his parents. A heavy sigh escaped his lips before he followed Y/N after a short while.

“Maybe you should join me… you are still covered in paint, my Moonshine.” laying his hand on her hip from behind, he looked over her shoulder while she added something into the hot water.

“I would just ruin the nice water and we two would both be stained. So you still have to go in alone, my love.” leaning against his chest, she felt him press a kiss against her head before he buried his face in her hair.

“Maybe next time then.” he said teasingly before turning her around, pulling Y/N into a soft kiss.

“I love you, Moonshine.”

“I love you too… my big bad wolf. Now get your butt in that tub!” she chuckled before giving him a light slap on his butt just like he would always do.

“Yes ma’am.” pressing a quick kiss against her temple, the werewolf let her leave and soon was laying in the tub, just letting the hot water soak in and his sore muscles relax.

Now waiting for Y/N to come out of the bath, Kylo was just rubbing his hair dry while trying to think of a way how to start up a conversation about the fact that she could speak with the little snake.

It was something that he just couldn't wrap his head around, for him her scent always had stuck out of the crowd of normal humans, but that she might be one of them was a light shock for him.

Of course it didn't change anything about his feelings for her, he was just worried under which circumstances she lived beforehand since she didn't seem to know herself.

Hearing her little footsteps come closer he looked up to find his girlfriend in her favourite pyjamas and dripping hair.

“You stole all the towels!” she pouted and he quickly took the towel he just used to throw it over her head to ruffled her hair dry.

Letting herself fall into his lap, she waited patiently with a smile.

Just these small moments were something that always made her day and it seemed like for Kylo it was the same, that he literally forgot to talk with her and soon the were cuddled up in their gigantic bed.

-

Tags: @kyloren-supreme-ben​   @celestiaelisia​ @sdavid09​  @ayatimascd​ @acunningstargazer​ @agirlwithlonelymusic​ @ev3e​

[iris-ymir]

Guilty or Innocent - Iris

Asked someone to marry you? 

“No. Not mi thin’. The whole... damn idea about marriage and shite? I dunno. Like... spending rest or yer life with the same person? Absolutely! Its just... Dont get mi wrong here! But the whole mess about marriage, and such.. It sounds so damn artificial. Do I wanna live with someone for the rest of mi years? Sure! But I dont need a fockin’ ring to prove it to anyone.. Then again.. If someone was to ask mi to marry her? Yeah, why not? If ya want a damn ring, lets get a damn ring!”

Kissed one of your friends?

“Shite... Well, yeah. About that... I have kissed many of mi friends actually.. And let mi tell ya. It always ends up into a fockin’ mess. One way or another! I... guess I should stop kissin’ mi friends..?”

Danced on a table in a bar / tavern? “You.. happen to know what Im doin’ for livin’? Yeah. Basically that.”

Ever told a lie?

“Just show me a fockin’ person who has not, and I’ll show ya a bastard who’s lying right there, on dat very damn moment! We all lie... Some more than others, but thats not the point, righto?”

Had feelings for someone you can’t have?

“Yeah... Ya remember I just told ya about kissin’ mi friends and shite? Well dat. I messed up real good. Like... the royal mess up! I still have feelin’s for her... Could rip mi damn heart out for her... But I think she just might be lost for mi for good... Im not giving up though! But as thin’s are.. What happened between us... Heck. It might be a lost fockin’ cause.”

Ever kissed someone of the same sex?

“Im... so very much a bean flicker, ya know? Never had interest in opposite sex... Does dat answer yer question?”

Kissed a picture? "No? Seven hells, why would I be suckin’ on some damn piece of paper?”

Slept until 5pm? “Im a night owl.. I wake up sometime durin’ the afternoon. So yeah. I will sleep until 5pm, if you dont come and wake mi up. Which is fockin’ annyin’ by tha way.. Just let mi sleep..”

Worked at a fast food chain / restaurant “Nope.. And dont have a slightest interest in such! ...I would make a fockin’ horrible restaurant worker... Now this.. may sound rather miserable, but my current job is actually mi first real day job ever! ...Or well.. A night job? Anyway.. Yeah.”

Stolen something? “I would say... Try living on streets of fockin’ Limsa Lominsa for good 10 summers, and then... if yer still alive and kickin’, try asking yaself dat question! ...Yes. I have stolen for livin’.”

Been fired from a job? “As I mentioned just a moment ago, this is mi first day job ever... And I have been able to keep it so far! ... And Im about to keep it! I want to see the faces of every poor bastard, who ever said I could not get, let alone keep a job! And well... I actually kinda like mi job, so there’s also dat. And I get a decent money out of it.”

Done something you regret? “... Really? We need to go back to this again? I had.. a really bad week some time ago, ya know. I did.. lot of shite.. The whole thin’ is just.. so foggy in mi head, its annoyin’! But yeah. I think I almost slept with mi friend.. broke lot of stuff.. a damned heirloom notestand.. And in the end, I went and kissed another friend against her will... The... one I fockin’ love.. Damn, I miss her. But it was not mi damn fault!! I had just like the shittiest week ever! ... I dont know... Maybe some of it kinda was.. Can we just go on? I focked up, okai..?”

Laughed until something you were drinking came out of your nose? “Nnno. Cant remember such thin’. Sometimes a drink has gone like... into mi nose for one or another reason... But actually out of it? I dont think so. Then again, who am I to say! One just cant remember everythin’ ya know?”

Caught a snowflake on your tongue? “No, I have not. Tha Shrimp does it, so.. technically I have? But as miself? No. I have not. On purpose at least.”

Sat on a roof top? “Used to do that in Limsa Lominsa. It was.. an awfully calming feeling, ya know? To get away from all the shite, going on down on the streets. Just... sit alone, watch the ships getting loaded.. Watch them sailin’ away. I dont do it anymore though.. The roofs in Ishgard are fockin’ slippery.”

Kissed someone you shouldn’t have? Iris gives the other a long, dead stare. “... Fockin’ really?! Didn’t I just told ya dat. Ya want some heckin’ details?! Right!  So, yes, I was wasted... I shouldn’t have to... And damn yes, it was foolish of mi! Silke. The gal I fancy.. Ya know the type that just... puts damn butterflies into yer tumtum.. rises yer head up to the fockin’ pink clouds faster than anythin’ ya can buy from the streets of Ul’dah.. A damn purdiful fockin’ lass... Damn best thin’ that ever happened to mi... And I focked it up by hecking going and kissing her! So... Ya happy with dis subject now, or are ya gonna poke dat infected wound some more? If so, Im done with dis...”

Sang in the shower?

“Ummm... No.”

Been pushed into a body of water with all your clothes on? “Pushed? I... dont think so! Thrown into water with mi clothes on though... Yes! And I tell ya now! That damn merchant had a heckin’ cart full of those apples! Most of dem would have gone on waste aniway! But nooo.. I get thrown into sea, for one damn apple! One apple!! And it was not even worth it. The apple was dry like Sagolii sand the merchant’s fockin’ muffin-hole was propably full of!”

Shaved your head? "Well, I did not!! Blacksoul did durin’ the time he fockin’ kept mi as his personal damn doll or somethin’.. So yeah! It is growin’ back now, but if it looks like a damn rake-raped crow’s arse to ya, its not my fault!!”

Made a boyfriend / girlfriend cry? “I... dont know, actually! Not during mi time with her, no. We kiinda only had a fleetin’ moment though, so did not ‘ave like... too much time to make the lass cry! ... I guess she still believes mi to be dead though. So its possible she cried for mi presumed death in the hands of her husband’s underlin’s... I hope she did... Yeah.”

Shot a gun? “I did, yeah! Ya know... One of those Ishgardian ones. Loud... lot of smoke... A decent kick. Kinda like a bar night to live for! You know, Im actually even rather decent with guns.. Not my style, though.”

Still loved someone you shouldn’t? “You gotta be kiddin’ me!! ... Oh wait. Someone I shouldn’t? I dont think so... Seven hells, we heckin’ belong together!! ...She has just... yet to understan it... She will! Sooner or later... Hopefully sooner. Fock’s sake, I miss that silly gal and her nice ass...”

Have / had a tattoo? “Yeah, the one around mi eyes. I also have another one on mi thigh... Iris flowers and thorns... Four of dem. For four kinda important people in mi life. From which, I have actually lost... every single one... Fock’s sake, whats wrong with mi?!”

Liked someone, but will never tell who? “Nno. I have... some difficulties in the ‘never tell’-thingie. Im more of a... ‘tell too much’-type o’ person. But ‘ey! Kinda honesty is a good thing, right?”

Been too honest? “If bein’ too ‘onest means kiinda colorin’ the truth a little to make it hit on the mark better. Yeah. I guess so. I just may overact a bit time to time! But den again... Makes the truth more interestin’ huh?”

Ruined a surprise? “No, I hardly part-take in suprises in general...”

Been told that you’re beautiful by someone who totally meant what they said? “Actually... No. I dont know!! Well, mi first girlfriend did, but did she totally mean what she said? Damn, I dont know... Considerin’ the fact she... most likely kinda sold mi out not too long after, it makes it heckin’ hard to believe anythin’ that ever crossed those sweet crimson lips of hers! I wonder why no-one has ever said it though... Im smokin’ hot!! ... So tell me. Am I beautiful..? Hm?”

Stalked someone? “If we call people watchin’ stalkin’ here, then Im damn guilty as a plague rat! But like... in the creepy wai? No! Why the heck would I do somethin’ like that. Dats just sick...”

Thought about murder? “If someone has just taken a royal shite on ya, sweet damn, thats reason enough to just shank the bastard, and scatter the innards into the sea! Most people are so fockin’ rotten though, I dunno if even damn fishies care for their foul organs... Could always make dem into a bagpipe and gift it to their family and friends... Maybe then they could actually get a taste of whut kinda shitebag they been hangin’ around with...”

How about mass murder?

“... Well, as dey say... Apple does not drop far from a tree, and sometimes those apples are rotten before dey hit the ground. So yeah. The last question in mind, why not?”

Cheated on someone? “No! Think anythin’ you want of mi, but Im fockin’ devoted!! ... Well, I have only had one relationship, that lasted for like... couple of months... But damn I was devoted... Up until she choose her husband over mi...”

Gotten so angry that you cried? “Happens time to time... Cryin’.. cleans the system, ya know. Just... Get into middle of nowhere, and scream yer lungs out!”

Tried to stay away from someone for their own good? “... Im kinda doin’ that right now. Dey will be better off without me. She’s got her damn hero dere, taking care of her... Where does she even need mi anyway? Heck, we barely even knew eachother... ... I think Im better off without dem too.. Shite.. Dey were awfully nice towards mi though.. Do I really miss dem? ... Maybe. But it all went down in flames and bloody sheets, can we talk about somethin’ else?”

Thoughts about suicide? “Sometimes the road just rises up against you... I kinda understand it on some occasions! But overall? Kinda waste...”

Had a girlfriend / boyfriend? “Yes? That one mess I mentioned earlier? Ya payin’ attention to dis?”

Gotten totally drunk during a holiday? “Used to... Especially in Limsa, it was kinda mi way to get over the holidays. Hated to see bastards walking around all merry and shite. So I drowned mi holidays in a glass. Last Starlight was different though.. Blacksoul kinda forced mi to stay sober over the holidays... Well.. Mostly sober... Dont ya go tellin’ the old goat, but I... I think I kinda liked it. The whole Starlight with Blacksoul and Gramps... I had never really celebrated it with anyone... As miself. Heck, I just wanted mi Silke to be there, heckin’ messin’ around... I wonder if she ever got mi gift...”

Tagged by wonderful @mai-takeda​!! 🌹 This was lot of fun..

Tagging @umbralich​ (Silke) @sharkycatsifoh​ @hangedemperor​ @kyrie-silverwings​ @under-the-blood-moonlight​ @alun-ura​ @isuke-ejinn​ @ishgard​ @torr-sceadu​ @lydha-lran​ @glorysworn​ @lavender-hemlock​ @kazexvoss​ @glorified-thieves​ @captainkurosolaire​ @illia-ast​ @thefreelanceangel​ @sdavi-kitanni​ @kitsune-kirei​ @violet-warder​ @desimirffxiv​ @unatobajhiri​ @gildedandgolden​ @eo-sul​ @robyn-sawyer​ @eitur​ & anyone who wants to do it! Cansider yourself tagged!

[flowerpowell]

The Boy Next Door (Colt x MC / Logan x MC)

PART FOURTEEN

A/N: Chapter fourteen means this is the longest series I’ve ever written! I hope you will like it although I want to warn yall, it’s pretty angsty! Also, let me know if you’d like to see an epilogue for that story! I have an idea for it but I want to know if you’d be interested! Characters belong to Pixelberry (except for Annya, I created her and I love her!)

Rating: PG-16

Word count: ~2900 (another long one, sorry!)

Tagging: @brightpinkpeppercorn @desiree-0816 @lovehugsandcandy @walkerduchess @liamzigmichael4ever @emceesynonymroll @emichelle @hellomynameisdevi @client-327 @badchoicesposts @blackcatkita @pixel-thirsty @drakeismyweakness @donutsgirl36 @miss-raleigh-carrera @i-bloody-love-drake-walker @lovemychoices @mskaneko @missameliep @cora-nova ♥

It was dark, it was cold and Ellie started shivering when she opened her eyes.

It wasn’t a dream.

It is my life.

She attempted to stand up, still shaking, and glanced at the clock on the wall, trying to figure out for how long she was unconscious. However long it was, her life was still in pieces and neither of the boys had come back yet.

Ellie staggered back to her room and took out her phone. It was the first thing that came to her mind and with tears in her eyes she wrote a short message to Annya.

“I’m sorry, I tried to talk to Colt today but he got super mad and kicked me out. I’m so sorry I couldn’t help you Mrs Kaneko, I don’t think he would want to talk to either of us now.”

She didn’t have to wait long as the reply came a few moments later.

“Ellie! I am so sorry my son treated you like this! Please don’t apologize, you did nothing wrong. He kicked you out?! Do you have a place to stay? I can offer you a room in my house if you’re willing to accept my dog as your roomate. Let me know if you’re interested and I’ll message you the address. PS. I asked you to call me Annya. PPS. What about your boyfriend?”

Ellie smiled sadly after reading the message and sighed.

What about my boyfriend? I wish I knew.

She was about to message Annya back when she heard the front door open. Her heart started beating faster at the thought it could be Colt. She really didn’t want him to yell at her again and besides she still needed to pack her things. But it wasn’t Colt.

“Hi,” Logan smiled weakly when he entered the room. Ellie swallowed hard but didn’t say anything. Logan looked at her cautiously and saw a bruise on her head, most likely from when she passed out. He walked up to her and wanted to touch her forehead to examine the bruise closer but she pushed his hand away.

“Don’t touch me.”

Logan took a step back and gulped. “I’m sorry. I just—what happened? Are you—are you hurt?”

She turned to him and narrowed his eyes. “As if you have to ask.”

He took a deep breath and rubbed his tempes. “I’m sorry, Ellie. I never— I didn’t— I wanted—”

“Was it a lie? Was our whole relationship a lie?” She asked trying to supress her tears.

“No! I swear I—”

“Then what was Colt talking about?!”

“Ellie... I admit, I wanted to get more information from your father and this is why I approached you. But I never, ever, faked a single feeling for you. If it was only about your Dad, I would just befriend you and disappear right away. But I fell in love... Ellie, I’m sorry I never told you about it. I was so scared of losing you. I meant it when I said you were my everything. I do love you, Ellie,” his voice broke and a few tears escaped his eyes.  

“I’m not sure I can believe you now...” she sniffed while wiping her own tears from her cheeks.

“I promise... I swear I never lied to you about my feelings. When I got to know you more I fell so hard for you that nothing else mattered. Please believe me. I know I probably don’t deserve a second chance but I don’t want you to lose you.”

“Logan...”

“I—I will turn myself in. If it’s necessary. I will tell your Dad the truth. I don’t care if I go to jail or not I want to prove it to you that I only care about you. I just don’t want you to hate me,” he added quietly and Ellie’s heart skipped a beat.

He sounded sincere and she knew he wasn’t lying. He pursued a relationship with her without telling her the truth but she did the exact same thing when she decided not to tell Logan about what happened between her and Colt.

“I—I forgive you, Logan. But it doesn’t mean we can be together again just like that.”

“No, I suppose not.” He sat down next to her and they were both silent for a few minutes.

“So you and Colt are...?”

“Were. Or we weren’t. I don’t know. It’s... complicated.” Depends on a day. Some days he likes me, some days he kicks me out of the house.

“But you slept with him? On our anniversary? Just because I couldn’t make it?” He asked and Ellie could hear a mixture of sadness and anger in his voice.

“I didn’t... We didn’t sleep with each other. Not like that. We just kissed. And umm... took our clothes off.”

“Ellie...”

“No, seriously! I know it sounds bad but that’s what we did. I was too drunk to be sober.”

No shit.

“So you didn’t have sex because you were drunk? And if you weren’t? If... the thing that made you stop didn’t exist... would you do it?” Logan asked turning to her and meeting her eyes.

“...Yes.” She let out a breath. “I think I would... I would do it.”

Logan stood up and walked up to the closet. He opened it, took a few shirts, put them on the bed and took out his suitcase. He stopped and turned to Ellie who was watching him.

“Was it... because of me? Because I was working too much? Did you... fall for him because I wasn’t there? Was it my fault?”

“What? No! No... It just kinda happened. I don’t even know how, he’s so annoying and yet...”

“Yet you fell in love with him,” Logan nodded and went back to folding his clothes and putting them in the suitcase.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I was... confused. I didn’t even realize it until recently.”

“So you are in love with him?”

“I... think so. Yes.” She answered and Logan closed his eyes. He kept them closed for a while before opening them and smiling sadly at Ellie.

“I... understand.”

“Where are you going?” Ellie asked him pointing to his suitcase.

“Don’t worry about Colt, he always says things he regrets later. I’m sure he didn’t mean what he said,” Logan closed his suitcase and nodded towards the door. “I’m staying the night in the living room. I won’t— I can’t— I mean, I leaving this room to you as I don’t believe we should sleep in the same bed after what happened.”

Ellie nodded her head in understaning. “But why are you packing your things? You could just leave them here?”

“Ellie...” Logan looked at her sheepishly, “We, I mean I, have a flight to London tomorrow night...”

Oh right.

Her hear sunk.

She had a ticket too. Annya helped her transfer so everyone was waiting for her in London too. And even her Dad had no problems with letting her go there. She was supposed to go with Logan but she completely forgot about it. And Logan must have noticed it too.

“I’m still your friend and I’ll support whatever you decide. But you must do what you feel is right,” he said before leaving her room and closing the door. Ellie quickly sent a message to Annya that she was fine and had a place to sleep for the night. She had approximately twenty-four hours to think about her future.

~~~~

Her night was filled with weirdest dreams and nighmares to the point where she sometimes couldn’t even tell what was true and what was just a dream. She had a dream about London, about starting fresh. She had a dream about Colt who didn’t want to see her ever again. She had a dream where she lived with heart-broken Annya in England while Logan was trying to steal their car. When she woke up, she was more tired than refreshed.

She sat down on the bed and started thinking.

If I stayed here... I don’t have anything left. Colt doesn’t like me and I’m technically transferred to another university. I would have to stay with my Dad. And if Colt forgave me, and if I forgave him, I... I... I still don’t think I’d want to live with him.

Ellie rubbed her temples. She still liked Colt a lot, even more than just like, but he needed someone else. Not her. He needed his mother. He needed to talk to her and sort out things with her.

There’s too much drama, I need— I need to...

Go to London.

Ellie closed her eyes as she realized she found the answer. She wanted to go to London. To start fresh in a different city, different country. At least for a year.

Maybe Logan wasn’t her boyfriend anymore but he still was her friend and she knew he would help her. Besides, he owed her one.

And Colt...

Colt was still mad at her. He still hated her. And he still had too many things to figure out.

Maybe... maybe it is the right decision. I’m giving us some time.

No, Ellie.

There’s no ‘us’. There’s just you. And then there’s Colt. And a whole lot of crap between the two of you.

She stood up and looked in the mirror. She looked like death. Death in a pajama set from Target.

It’s not like I have anyone to impress, right?

When Ellie entered the kitchen, Logan was already there sipping his tea. He nodded towards her and she nodded back. He looked as if he hadn’t slept at night at all too. She poured herself coffee and sat next to her now ex-boyfriend.

“How are you feeling?” He asked before glacing at her.

“Awful. You?”

“Awful.” He chuckled. “Maybe we both should go to Cordonia.”

She let out a laugh in response and suddently felt more at peace with her decision.

Maybe it will be okay after all.

“Logan... I... I want to go to London,” she said trying not to look at him.

“Are—are you sure? I thought...”

“I think it’s best for me to start fresh. To have a year off without this drama. I mean, I’ll obviously stay in a dorm alone. But... I think it’s for the best. For both me and...” And Colt.

“And him,” Logan nodded. “I get it. And if that’s what you want, then okay. I—I’ll always be there to help you, Ellie.”

I don’t even know what I want... I think this is the right thing to do but... I just want a sign.

She stayed in the kitchen for a little longer while Logan went to their bedroom to finish packing. Shortly after, Ellie followed suit and they were done with everything by late afternoon. It still felt weird to be around Logan after everything that happened but she could see he was trying. And she wanted to try to. Logan carried down all their bags and suitcases and they were chatting before putting all of their baggage in his car when Colt came home.

They both went silent the moment Colt showed up in the hall. He locked his eyes with Ellie’s and she realized that Colt hadn’t slept probably either. He looked even worse than her and Logan.

“We’re going, don’t worry,” Logan said quickly, glancing nervously at him and Ellie as if Colt was about to yell at her.

“No... I... It’s okay,” Colt said, his eyes not leaving Ellie’s. Her heart seemed to have stopped and she had problems with catching a breath.

“I’ll leave you two alone for a moment. But I’m right here, in the car,” Logan warned and Ellie nodded.

“You... don’t have to go anywhere. You can still stay here, I—I overreacted.” Colt said when Logan left.

“Yeah... maybe a little,” she agreed. Maybe a lot. “But I shouldn’t have hidden the fact that I was talking to your mom this whole time. I just... I just thought I could help.”

“You shouldn’t have,” he nodded, “But I know you meant well. You always do and it’s so annoying,” he added more quietly. “And I’m sorry...about Logan.”

“Well, that was low blow but I think it prompted us to talk about everything.”

“Are you... Are the both of you...”

“We’re okay. Not together but okay,” she answered and saw his face relaxing.

“Oh, thank God.” He let out a relieved sigh. “I just wanted to apologize to you. I shouldn’t have said what I said last night and I really regret it.”

Ellie shrugged. “Well... At least I know what you think of me.”

His eyes widened in horror and he started shaking his head. “No... I didn’t... Ellie, I don’t think you’re nobody. I was angry and I say stupid shit when I’m upset. And I know I need to work, I want to work on that. But you’re so much more, Ellie, you’re everyth--”

“Is everything okay?” Logan asked from the doorway.

“Yes, yes, Colt was just apologizing!” Ellie shouted back.

“Ohh, that’s interesting to see.”

“Small steps, small steps,” Colt repeated but he finally smiled. She smiled back and the stood like that, smiling at each other for a moment before Ellie finally cleared her throat.

“So, umm, what made you change your mind?”

“My mo—, Annya, actually. She... she called me and started yelling something about treating you like crap and that you didn’t deserve. And then some. I couldn’t even hang up because she threatened to find me and give me a slap I apparently deserved.”

“So you talked?”

“Yeah... She told me the whole story even though I didn’t want to listen. I felt like an idiot when she finished.”

“Colt... You couldn’t have known!”

“But I shouldn’t have treated you like this! I am so sorry, Ellie. I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness but I am truly sorry. And I don’t say that often.”

“I know. And I forgive you,” she smiled at him. He smiled back but it quickly faded when he saw her suitcase on the floor.

“Ellie, I... You can stay here. I was angry but I didn’t mean it when I said I wanted you to get out. That applies to Logan too.”

“Oh... I am actually going to London today,” she bit her lip nervously. He forgot too.

“What?? But I thought.... You... And Logan...?”

“No, we’re not going there together as a couple. It’s over. But I need a fresh start without any drama.”

“Ellie...” Colt blinked a few times and Ellie could swear she saw a tear escaping his eye.

“Ellie, we’re almost ready to go!” Logan shouted from the outside.

“Ellie...”

“I’m glad you talked to Annya. She’s a great person and you deserve to be surrounded by great people. Did she tell you about your father?” Ellie asked trying to change the subject. Truth be told, it was painful for her, too.

“Yes, she... She told me how happy he was when he met me. She said he probably tried to harden me too since he lived a dangerous life. And everything he did was to protect me. Ellie... he... loved me. At least at some point. And my mom... she... she said she loved me too,” Colt was now crying. And Ellie was crying too. And even the nature was crying because it started raining.

“Of course they loved you. It’s hard not to love you, Colt,” she raised her hand to wipe the tears from his cheeks.

“Ellie... Do you really have to go?”

“I-- Yes. I need to figure out my life, I need a moment to breathe.”

“I... I will miss you, Ellie. So much,” he whispered.

“I will miss you, too. And I will miss Annya. Hug her from me, okay? I’m so happy you two found a way to each other. I’m so happy you’re not alone anymore, you have your family, just like you always wanted it.”

“Yes... But Ellie...”

“And I’m sure you’ll be fine, you’ll learn more about your family,” she tried to sound encouragingly but it felt like she was trying to convince herself more than him.

“Ellie! You coming?” Logan shouted from the ouside again.

“I’m coming!” She shouted back and turned to Colt. “Well, I guess this is it. Goodbye, Colt,” she awkwardly put her arms around him to hug him and felt him hugging her back.

“I will miss you. I—I... I—” Colt stuttered trying to say something. He swallowed hard and slowly pressed his lips to hers. She retured the kiss that tasted like salt and goodbye. When they pulled away he softly put his forehead against hers and spoke quietly. “Message me when you land. And don’t worry about anything. I checked the weather and there are no storms in sight.”

She nodded and with tears in her eyes she walked out of the house that felt like home. Walked away from a person that once felt like home. Walked towards a future that was uncertain only hoping she had made a right decision.

-

[uwugirlfriend]

Please Girl Stay, ‘Till The Early Morning

A YSAG Fan Fic! Thanks @myherowritings for such wonderful work, hopefully you enjoy this!

Inspired by You Suck At Gaming

You smiled at your phone incredulously. Another night with Shinsou working on your gamer gurl skillz? You were sure to be halfway decent with all this practice. Oh, and he would make you guys dinner? What a great night to hang out!

Shinsou chewed on his lip as he waited for a response from you. Hopefully she didn’t think he was being too forward? Was it a date? Would she mind? He had been wanting to do something more intimate since their Just Dance stream. Your friends were great and all, but having you to himself meant that you might actually pick up on the hints that he had been throwing out lately. The thought also made him incredibly nervous, what if you were just ignoring his feelings because you didn’t share them? What if this pushes you away?

“Ok!!!!!! I’ll see you at 6 then??? Ready for that dank ass food 😫 We can see if your cooking skills rival Katsuki’s 😘😘💍💍”

He sighed. Smiling but also sighing. “Sounds great. See you soon kitten 🙄 and I’ll try my best.” Your responses never gave him answers to his feelings, if they were reciprocated or not. Shaking his head, Shinsou switched tabs to start his grocery list for dinner. What could he make that was woo-worthy? But also lowkey. Like he was trying, but not too much?

-------------------------

“You’re cold? Really?” Shinsou laughed, looking at your pout as you wrapped your arms around yourself sitting on the edge of his bed. You’d both drank a bit during dinner and it made you extra dramatic. His couch was currently occupied by laundry that he had only just been able to take out before you had arrived. Oh, that gave him an idea!

“I’ll fix that real quick kitten,” he smirked, coming back from the living room with one of his sponsor hoodies in hand. He tossed it to you and the face that you made was pure awe. It was one of his better ones, super soft and not too hot, the perfect amount of slouch too.

“You’re giving me one of your hoodies?!” You practically screeched as you held it up to your frame. This was prime pretend boyfriend material!

It would definitely go down to your waist and envelop you arms. Fuck you were cute. If Shinsou wasn’t so good at putting on faces for his streams, he wouldn’t have been able to hide the heat in his cheeks at the thought of you in his clothes. In his bed. Or just all of the time. He liked any and all of those options. You had already stolen one of his beanies to head home in when the snow started, wearing it often enough for some fans to notice and point it out during streams.

“Um … Can I borrow some pants too?” You asked, kicking your legs a bit to emphasize the bareness of your legs with your cute skirt. “Being fashionable was an awful idea today,” you huffed. Then you squealed as Hitoshi brought you back a pair of sweatpants that he wore on long stream days.

“Meee-ow! Grey sweatpants. The men’s lingerie” you giggled, running into the bathroom with your newly found PJs.

You couldn’t keep these, he thought with finality, these were his favorite comfy clothes– and then you walked out of the bathroom. His hoodie hung off of you in the most endearing way, maybe in that cute “wearing your boyfriend’s clothes” kind of way? He really enjoyed seeing his emblem on you. Maybe too much.

You coughed and red tinted your cheeks as his stare intensified. “Hitoshiiiii? Did you drink too much? Everything okay?” Snapping him back to reality. He chuckled and rubbed the back of his neck, “Yeah, you just got me about the sweatpants” he replied, thankful that you had changed your gaze to the pants that hung off your hips and grazed the floor. He was a significant amount taller than you and it showed.

“Thinking about me in your clothes?” You teased, oblivious to the truth behind your words. “I should steal them more often! Your e-boy fashion is cute as heck.”

“Whenever you want kitten,” he smirked, ignoring the e-boy comment. He grabbed his switch and sat down on the bed, motioning for you to sit next to him. “Now this is a game that you can’t mess up.”

You rolled your eyes, sticking out your tongue at him and plopping down next to him, but not before tugging at his shirt. “You should get in comfies too! You made it sound like it’s gonna be a long night,”. His breath hitched as your fingers brushed against his stomach and you pulled your hand away so fast, your face beet red. “And y-you know, I can’t be the only one i-in scrubs!”

He sighed internally. You weren’t making this crush any easier with your cute reactions, but he loved the blush on your face. “You trying to get me undressed kitten? You don’t have to say please for that,” he smirked, caressing the hand that you’d yanked away from him and placing a kiss on the back of it.

“Shinsou!!!!!!” You squealed, face even more red, “You can’t say stuff like that until we’re married! You deviant. Not on MY Christian minecraft server!” Hitoshi rolled his eyes and kissed your hand again before getting up to grab his own pajamas. You were impossible. He didn’t know how he could ever convince you of his feelings when you were like this. He stuck out his tongue at you, walking backwards into the bathroom only to pull off his shirt to get a rise out of you, chuckling at the scream you let out. “You didn’t tell me that you were ripped?!?! How are we gonna keep up our dating image when you’re so fucking hot and I’m so ME?”

—————-

Shinsou smirked as he defeated the elephant boss in Breath of the Wild, he didn’t think you could mess up Zelda but here you were! He looked down at you—you were asleep??? He must have gotten more into the game than he realized, still buzzed from dinner. You made a soft noise as you adjusted yourself and draped yourself across his chest, legs tangled with his. He was definitely trapped now. From this angle he could see the cute pout that your lips made when he moved to get more comfortable, the way your brow furrowed in determination as you readjusted yourself. He could live like this; Shinsou thought, falling asleep with you every night, with you in his clothes, in his arms. You grabbed his arm and pulled it into your chest and he just about melted. He brushed hair off of your face with his free hand and reveled in the gentle sigh that you let out at his touch. He could definitely get used to this. “Goodnight kitten,” he mumbled, kissing your forehead before laying back into his pillows and drifting off.

———————–

Something tugged at your consciousness, making you open your eyes to see what was wrong. You were incredibly comfortable though, toasty, wrapped up and on the best pillow that was firm but warm? Where did this come from? You heard … Shinsou? Talking? You went to sit up and push the weighted blanket off of you that had been holding you in place. But it came back and gripped your side, pulling you closer to the heat in the bed.

“You don’ understan’ ” he mumbled into your hair.

You turned pale, making out the shapes in the dark. You were wrapped up in Shinsou’s arms on his bed, with his face smooshed against your hair. He sounded like he was arguing with someone about something. Sliding out from his grip, you squeaked and backed up from the bed, tripping on something on the floor and landing loudly on your butt. You were beet red and freaking out. Did you fall asleep here? Alone? With Hitoshi? In his house? Your eyes adjusted and you saw that you were in his pants too. What happened?

“Kitten?” Hitoshi sighed, leaning over the side of the bed and reaching out his hand to you, “Is everything ok? Did you fall off the bed?”

“Uh—ummmm everything is fine! I just remembered that I have. Stuff! To do! I should really get going—I’m sorry that I fell asleep here and somehow got your clothes and—” you rambled, standing back up facing the bed, when Shinsou grabbed your hand with both of his. He had sat up, looking at you with sleepy, concerned eyes, rubbing the back of your hand. “Y/n it’s late, it’s snowing and you took the train here. I would feel more comfortable if you stayed here until the morning. I’ll go sleep on the couch if you want. What happened?” He let go of your hand at the face you made, worrying him even more.

You avoided his gaze, wrapping your arms around yourself and stuttering out “I didn’t mean to get so comfortable in your bed, I’m sorry if I imposed on your hospitality…” grabbing your clothes from the dresser.

“Y/n y/ln!” Hitoshi groaned, standing up from the bed and caressing your cheek, pulling your face to look at him, “You’ve never been a bother to me. I’m very lucky to have been able to spend the night with you and it doesn’t have to be anything if you don’t want it to be.” The last part stung, but he was worried about driving you away. He couldn’t read you right now, you weren’t acting like your normal bubbly self.

You blinked at him, lips pursing as you processed what he said. “Do YOU want it to be something?” You asked softly, eyes flitting to his lips and back to his eyes. Wow, his touch was so sweet for someone who was supposed to find you a giant nuisance. And he was … So close. So smoochable. Your cheeks tinted even more.

He gazed into your eyes with the most sincere face you’d ever seen him give. “I–I don’t want to do anything that would make you uncomfortable y/n. We did get a little drunk last night and we can just call it that if you want. But–” he gulped, face lighting up, “I really enjoyed sleeping with you in my arms. I sleep so much better when you’re with me, and holding you close does these things to me that I can’t–”

You gasped, leaning closer without even meaning to and tentatively placing your arms around his shoulders. “You’re telling me that I don’t annoy the ever loving shit out of you?” making him laugh aloud. The most you’d ever seen him laugh, in fact. His smile was infectious, and you felt your lips pulling upwards before he pressed his to yours.

“Oh wait, you like me like me?! Like a real uwu girlfriend?!” You gasped into the kiss, making him pull back to give you a blank stare. “Finally,” he huffed, tangling his fingers in your hair and leaning in again.

You blushed incessantly but kissed him back, wrapping your arms around him tighter and smiling at just how dense you’d been lately. You pulled back and placed your hands on his cheeks, giving him a stern look. “If Denki was right about this, what else was he right about me not picking up on?”

Hitoshi groaned and looked up at the ceiling, “I can’t even list all of the things that you’ve been oblivious to with us.” He laughed again, setting your clothes down on the dresser and tugging you back towards the bed. “Do you mind if we go back to bed? It’s 4am and I want to get more than 3 hours of sleep. Plus I’d like to sleep with my uwu e-girlfriend in my clothes some more. She’s pretty cute even though she snores.”

You lightly slapped his shoulder as you climbed back into bed, climbing on top of him only to kiss him again and again to make up for all of the kisses that you’d wanted to give him in the past but hadn’t. “Well my uwu e-boyfriend can have whatever he wants since he asked so nicely. This is for all of the times I’ve confused your hints with kindness.”

Shinsou chuckled and rolled you onto your side to kiss you deeper, more meaningfully than before. “Anything, huh?” he hummed into your lips, the glint in his eyes making your heartrate increase as his hands found their way to your back—his COLD HANDS! You squealed out loud and tried to wriggle away as he cackled at your reaction, pulling his hands away only to put them on your stomach, aiding in your escape. You grabbed a pillow and used it as a barrier between the two of you, firmly planting yourself on one half of the bed, tucked away from him. “Gotta leave room for Jesus!” you chirped at him, pulling the blanket over your eyes to avoid his puppy dog eyes. Who even knew that he had those?! Who gave him the RIGHT to not only look THAT fine but also to be able to make that face???

He shrugged and dug himself under the blankets to maneuver under your pillow wall and snuggle up close to you, smiling into your shoulder.

“Goodnight kitten. Thanks for sticking around and hearing me out.”

You shivered at the nickname now that you truly knew how he felt about you. “You can’t just drop that now that we’re being all handsy! It makes me think you wanna just do the Doodlydoo.” He rolled his eyes and nipped at your shoulder lightly, making your eyes widen and you choke on your breath. “That’s for later, if you want.” Shinsou said coyly, his voice purposefully rough.

He was going to be the death of you.

——————

When Shinsou woke up without you next to him, he panicked. Did you change your mind? Did you feel forced to say those things? Oh shit how bad did he fuck up? He groaned and went to grab his cellphone to text you when he saw that yours was on his nightstand charging.

Then he noticed the smell of coffee wafting in from the kitchen and the sound of something popping in a pan. Were. You. Making him breakfast???

He heard you humming softly, something familiar but he couldn’t put his finger on it. Regardless, he found himself smiling and getting up to meet you in the kitchen. You were shaking your hips to something in your head, dancing around the kitchen as you made eggs and potatoes for the two of you.

Mirroring your movements, Hitoshi lined himself up behind you and wrapped his arms around your waist, moving with you and keeping the beat. You cried out, surprised but laughing as he hummed along and you danced together.

“You know,” he said sleepily, resting his head on your shoulder, “You never told me how YOU feel about me, kitten.”

You blushed HARD, turning to face him when he backed you up against the counter. “Was me giving you 100 kisses not enough?” you teased, trying to play it cool even though your thoughts were racing. You’re awful at voicing your feelings without emojis. You were such a dweeb.

“Ok I honestly forgot about that. I was so tired, I’m sorry” He sighed, kissing your cheek, then your jaw and moving down your neck. “Did you make me breakfast, kitten?” his eyes lighting up at the food behind you.

If you thought he was bad before, how much ‘worse’ he going tease you now that your feelings were out? You shuddered, avoiding lewd thoughts while he trailed kisses along your skin. “I figured it was an apology for waking you up at 4am, 'daddy’.” You punched back, feeling his lips curl at the crook of your neck and shoulder.

“If you’re trying to seduce me, you really don’t have to go to all of this trouble. But thank you for breakfast y/n. You’re too good to me.” He stretched, shirt riding up and your hands flew under it, a devilish smirk on your face. He’d never seen this face before, and it was killing him.

“Toshi, you think I’m capable of being seductive? Have you seen me?” You purred, running your nails along his back and hearing when his breath hitched. You got on your toes and bit at his collarbone, smiling innocently and looking up to see a flustered Hitoshi. You pushed it even further by pressing yourself against him, arms wrapped around his shoulders.

“You’re killing me baby” he groaned, picking you up and placing you on the counter. “You don’t even have to try when you look as cute as you do. But when you do try it drives me insane! Now let’s eat breakfast before it gets cold, then I was supposed to start a stream at 2.”

“That’s plenty of time!” You cheesed, hands running down his chest. “Now if you hate my cooking please be gentle with your criticism” you stuck your tongue out. “And I couldn’t find your coffee so you’re in charge of making that.”

[naturalbornlesbian7]

I am slowly approaching this important determining moment in my life where I will have to take this step of cutting off my friends and family. ( Hopefully I will obtain a financial independency this year already, and this moment will come soon)

I kinda can't wait,but I am also kinda scared. Because literally everyone from my circle of close people is homophobic and with some of them (not all) the interaction just becomes unbearable in general even without homophobia.

So idk how will it even happen?🤔 Should I just block them all at once, as soon as I live on my own? Or maybe before blocking I will just send them a reason why I did so...But I dont want to come out to them especially to my parents bc they might freak out and find out where I live (when I am on my own already) and just snap and throw a tantrum. Maybe the best way would be just take it slowly? So it wouldnt be so stressful for us all and wouldnt be like out of the blue?

Say,maybe I just have to loose touch with them slowly step by step...Distancing myself...Maybe with parents it could be like: becoming independent and finally telling them that they not text me that often every day asking me about every step I make and telling me to take a photo of me every day to make sure I am okay ( I know they just take care of me but I am tired of constantly explaining myself and report on every move I make, I am not a child anymore and I dont love the idea of belonging to someone especially to someone who doesnt even understan who I am).

And with friends it could possibly happen naturally...Like you know,I love my friends they are great, but they are homophobic and...idk...maybe me living in another country will result in us slowly drifting apart...Because even though we dont see each other that often it still means we can see each other in summer and hang out together and me pretending to be straight in front of them and guys flirting with us and my friends telling me whats wrong and why dont I flirt back. I am tired of this bullshit and I dont want to pretend someone I am not anymore...Even for a short period of time.

Its sad. I have to listen to them talking about boys all the time and sometimes a lot about their sex lives and I appreciate that they think of me as someone they can trust such intimate details about them but I am kinda not okay with this. And maybe I am exaggerating,maybe its not a good reason enough to dump my friends.But I just cant anymore, for real.

I just want to be able to express who I am freely. Right now I am in a cage. Golden cage.

I want to break free and just live a life of my own. Even if it means being left completely alone. Even if it means cutting everyone from my surroundings off. Its still so much better than living a lie😔 Time flies and each day lived as a wrong person makes me wanna yearn for a change. I want a significant change in my life and I know I am the only one who can make this come true. Even if it seems impossible for now. I can do it.

I am not afraid of solitude anymore. I have learned my lesson. Solitude is better than living someone else's life.

I dont have anyone in this country. Well,anyone close. But I am ready to start taking steps to live a life on my own and by my own rules. After all, I am such an enthusiastic and ambitious woman, I have so many goals to reach and I'll never feel lonely bc of that😅

Awoman!♀️

[shiny-blue-star-sticker]

18/09/2019: I downloaded tumblr on my iPad to make this then got distracted with replying to a different post

Okay so. Rant Time!

Bit of a personal one today.

Obviously, as you probably know if you know me at all, I’m undiagnosed for ADHD rn. Still not even sure I have it tbh but I remember the first time I watched a How To ADHD YouTube video and going ‘oh shit dat me’ so... meh?

(Oh yeah in case you’re wondering i like to bold things to make them easier to read coz big chunks of text? Ew. You can thank me later).

Okay so anyways.

Here’s my frustrations, in no particular order or organisation:

1. I don’t want to do anything. Well... sort of?

I want to want to do the homework (if that makes sense) but I just... can’t bring myself to do it.

I want to be able to understand that yes those exams in 6 months have a lot of consequence if you don’t start revising now, but they seem so far away and I just can’t seem to think of them as holding any weight until ‘oh shit they’re tomorrow and I haven’t revised!’

My girlfriend gets upset because I somehow manage to bullshit my way to a C while she revises for hours on end to get the same result (and I feel bad about that tbh coz I really don’t deserve that C when she’s worked so hard to get to it) but I also am unable to actually sit down and revise. It’s always ‘oh I’ll do it later’ with me and I absolutely hate it.

I sometimes manage to get As and A*s and that’s an amazing day but I’m never able to get it again so it’s always a fluke. Whenever I do get said amazing grades, I never feel like that’s celebrated very much at home. I used to get things like chocolate for doing great but now I (sometimes) get a high-five and like... yeah... that’s cool I guess but having something tangible to hold and know that’s what its for is also great.

At the end of my 11+, for example, I was given a bracelet. I never really wore the bracelet and its kind of broken now but I will never forget that thrill of pride when I was given it, when I was told ‘no matter what the result, you deserve this’. Now, I struggle to motivate myself and I don’t really know how I’m making it through this year.

Everyone tells me I’m capable of getting high grades but I’m not sure I believe it anymore. They also say I’ll need to knuckle down and actually do some revision but I... can’t?? Maybe it is just laziness, maybe I’m not trying hard enough to actually get myself to do some work. But, when I’m sitting in my room, sprawled on my bed, a unrelenting, restless energy refusing to leave me be and yet I have no way to defuse it so I end up flicking through YouTube until 22:30 at night and I can go to bed, I just want to cry. I could have piles of homework sitting on the floor next to me, a stack of revision watching me and yet I can’t even look at them?

The truth is: I don’t think I can do it

And I’m scared because i want to go to uni next year but that’s pretty much independent work and I’m still not 100% sure I’ve chosen the course for me and not because my parents want me to, and I’m scared I’m going to drop out and fail and not achieve what I want to achieve in life because I know myself.

Everyone always says ‘you’ve done your best, there’s nothing more you could do’ but if I’m getting Bs instead of As, if I know I procrastinated doing that revision, then clearly there is more i could have been doing and it’s not my best.

2. This brings me somewhat onto my next point: revision.

Teachers, parents, even friends sometimes, tell me I need to revise. What does that mean? Maybe I would if a) it was even remotely fun and b) I actually knew how to do it.

I mean...

You have to choose the how

The when

The what

The how long

Plus there’s very little payoff. There’s no real ‘done’ point. Homework at least has a clear finishing line. With revision, I could go through all the topics we’ve done and it’s still not enough.

I don’t know how to do it, when to do it, or even what to do it on. Plus I don’t even know how to start something like that. And it takes. So. Long! I did one subtopic in psychology once and it took me 2 hours. And I was just skimming through it!!

Like... how do you even do that? How do you make yourself commit to that?

3. On a related note, I would really love some support in school but between my fear of rejection if I talk about it, and my parents being adamantly against it, I don’t know how to get it.

My teacher wrote on my practice question the other day: try organising your thoughts more and honestly? I don’t even know how to begin that. To me, things link too easily. I thought it was organised but apparently not.

Anyways, I need to go now but there’s a piece of my mind.

[mibooview]

Mi amor - Omander fic (Ander/Omar) (AnderxOmar)

Ander sat on his bed. Phone in his hand. He just texted Nadias phone, asking if Omar could talk to him. Because well, he doesn’t have a phone anymore himself. But after one hour there was still no answer. So he guessed either Nadia was busy and she didn’t read it or it was too risky at this moment for Omar to be on the phone. Ander sighed and layed down on his bed. He looked up at the ceiling. The moonlight from outside was tinting his room in a hazy light, which was not helpful for his depressed and sad mood.

His day had been shit. He overslept and arrived just on time at school, unshowered and still not quite awake. In school they had another class project to do, which was just adding to the stress they already had with exams and all that. After school Guzmán asked him if they could talk. And even though Ander was really not in the mood, he agreed, because he knew how much pain Marina’s death brought to his best friend. So he listened an hour to Guzmán talking about her and all the memories and how he should have done more. prevented it somehow. How she didn’t tell him about her pregnancy. And Ander wanted to be there for him, but his mind was just not able to concentrate that much and he was tired and he just wanted to go home, crawl in his bed and sleep. Or cry. Whatever he felt like. After he calmed his best friend down so he wasn’t crying anymore, he made his way home. But on his way, he tripped over and fell face down on the floor. His face started to bleed at the cheek and his knee hurt like a bitch. So he walked slowly home because every step was hurting. And now he was certain. When he would come home, he would definitely cry, not sleep.

When he was finally putting his key in the door and made his first step inside, ready to go straight to his room, his father appeared in front of him. He was still mad about Ander quitting tennis and he used every chance he got to try to talk him into it again. But Ander refused. To be honest, he did miss it. But not playing itself, no. He missed it because it was the only thing that really was his, that defined him, what he was good at. But now he didn’t have anything. Nothing he was good at. Nothing that said something about him. So he felt a little lost. But that didn’t mean that he wanted to go back to playing. When Ander didn’t say anything to his fathers idea to just play some friendly games in the summer time and doing a bit of training while school was on, his father went on and asked about his face and knee. When Ander looked down his body, he saw the blood strains on his jeans where his knee was. „Dad, can I just go to my room?“ „Did you get into a fight?“ „No I did not.“ „Ander. Don’t lie to me.“ „I tripped over okay? I fell. I didn’t fight. I would look worse then, don’t you think?“ His father raised his eyebrows at the tone of his son. Ander sighed. „Sorry dad. I had a really shitty day. Can we talk later?“ His father opened his mouth and Ander just kew he wouldn’t be understanding. But then, to his surprise, his father nodded and turned around. Ander looked after him stunned for a few moments, but then quickly went to his room.

He undressed and put an old baggy t shirt on and went straight to bed, not even bothering to wipe away his blood. He layed there what was probably for hours. Just laying and thinking. Looking outside, looking at his fairy lights he has in his room. Looking at the little picture of Omar he kept on his bed side table. Omar. He wished he would be here. Hee wished he would put his arms around him. Hug him. Hold him. So Ander could feel safe and secure. He didn’t know what it was, what made him feel that way. Maybe it was the many changes that happened over the last few weeks. Maybe it was because Marina’s death. Maybe it was because Omar couldn’t spend any time with him, besides 10 minutes per day. Ander needed support. Emotional one. But he couldn’t get it. Because Guzmán was busy with his sister’s death. His dad was no option at all. His mum was a bit more understaning, but he knew she would tell his dad. And Omar was not available. Ander knew Omar would help him, would listen to him, would try to give him some sort of advice, but they were not able to talk. Ander felt the tears again. And he just let them flow. He let them soak his pillow. He adverted his eyes from the picture and looked out of his window again. He watched the clouds going by and the sky changing. Watched the sun come in front and behind the clouds. He felt sorry for himself and usually he never felt that way. Usually he tried to swallow it down and not let it get to him. But today he just couldn’t. He couldn’t concentrate on anything else than his lost feeling, his yearning for Omar and his feeling of being alone. That’s when he decided to text Nadia. Maybe Omar could talk for just 10 minutes on the phone. Hearing his voice or just texting with him would help him a lot right now. He sat up and wiped at his eyes before typing out the simple words. „Hey Nadia. Is Omar free to talk maybe?“ When he didn’t get an answer, he started to cry again. And he felt so sorry because he understood. He really understood it, that Omar’s family was different and that it was complicated. But he just wished that today Omar could be here. That Ander could just text him „Come over please?“ And Omar would be here in 15 minutes. Lay down in bed with him and let Ander cry and hold him until they fall asleep. But a few hours later, it was eleven thirty and there was still no reply. Ander decided to go to bed and just try to fall asleep and forget about his worries. He wrote another text.

„Nevermind. Good night.“

The next day, Ander was woken up by someone shaking him awake. „Ander. Ander?“ It was his mum. „Hmm. Yeah?“ „It is 7:30 am.“ Ander sunk his face back into his pillow. „Are you okay?“ He turned his face and layed on his cheek. „Mama.“ „Yes?“ „I don’t feel good. Can I stay home today?“ His mum looked surprised. „You weren’t ill in like two years.“ „I know But now I am. Please can I just stay here?“ His mum looked unsure, but when Ander got tears in his eyes, she quickly nodded. She moved her hand to his hair. „Is everything okay?“ He nodded. No. Nothing is okay. „Do you need anything? Tea? Breakfast?“ Ander shook his head. „Thanks no.“ „Okay. If you need anything, call me okay? I will come home then.“ Ander had to smile at that. It felt like he was a young child again. „I love you mama.“ He didn’t know why he said it. Maybe because he neeeded to tell someone, anyone. Maybe because he wanted to hear it back. Maybe he wanted to feel loved. „I love you too mi hijo.“ Ander gave her a weak smile, before laying his face on the other cheek and closing his eyes again. He heard his mother leaving the room.

When he woke up again, it must have been noon already, because the sky was darker and the sun was hidden. Ander layed in bed the whole day, watching the sky just like yesterday. He didn’t move. he didn’t eat or drink. He didn’t feel like standing up or going around in the house. Usually when he was alone at home, he went to the garden or the living room to watch TV on the big screen. But not today. Or yesterday. He just wanted to lay here. At 5 he heard his mum coming home again, probably coming home earlier because of him. She knocked on his door, but he didn’t feel like making a noise so she would come in. But she came in anyways. „Ander?“ „Hm?“ „How are you? Better?“ „No.“ „Did you eat?“ „No.“ „I will make you something.“ „I’m not hungry.“ „Ander you have to eat.“ „I will throw up then. Please don’t make me. You know how much I hate it.“ He heard his mum sighing. She didn’t know what to do. „Well tell me if you need anything.“ „Okay.“

It was later in the evening when there was a knock on his door again. Ander didn’t make any sound, knowing his mother would come in either way. The door opened. „I’m not hungry mum.“, he said while looking out of the window. „Well good then that I am not your mum and won’t make you eat.“ Ander smiled faintly but didn’t turn around. „You alright?“ „Mhm.“ “Usually you are more excited to see me.“ Ander closed his eyes and tried to swallow his tears down. He didn’t want to cry in front of him. He heard him approaching. „Ander?“, worry was laced in his voice now. Omar sat down on the edge of the bed. He looked at Andar, who looked outside of the window still. „Hey.“ Omar put his hand on Andar’s head and then on his cheek when no reaction came out of it. „Andar? Can you talk?“ „I don’t feel like talking.“ „What happened?“ „Nothing.“ „Then why are you acting like that?“ Ander shrugged his shoulders. Omar was quiet for some time, he also didn’t know what to do. „Can I do something? What do you need?“ And just at that question, Ander felt the tears springing to his eyes again. „Ander..don’t cry. I..I.“ Ander closed his eyes. „Can you hold me? I just want to be held by you.“ Omar nodded and immediately took his shoes off. „Of course yes.“ He stood up and layed down on the bed behind Ander and put his arms around his boyfriend. He pressed a kiss at the back of Ander’s neck and then let his face and lips linger there and tightened his arms a little more. „Okay?“ „Okay.“, Ander responded. They layed like that for probably an hour, maybe a bit more. Ander just bathed in the feeling of having Omar here, it was everything he wanted for the last two days. And now he was here and had his arms around him.

„How did you get in?“, Ander suddenly asked. „Your mum let me in.“ „You actually knocked on the front door?“ „Yes. Your mum knows about us and you weren’t answering my texts.“ Ander sighed. „I forgot to look at my phone sorry.“ „You forgot to look at your phone for a whole day?“ Ander nodded. He expected Omar to ask what was going on, but he didn’t. And Ander realized that Omar was giving him time, he wanted to tell him when he was ready. Maybe because his own father was always urging him to tell him everything. Ander turned around to be able to look at Omar for the first time since he arrived. Omar smiled at him gently. It was that smile that was rare, with his usual serious look. „Thanks for coming.“ Omar smiled. „I was worried. You asked if I could talk and Nadia was busy in the shop and couldn’t look at her phone. And then you didn't reply anymore after that weird good night text. And you didn’t come to the store for two days. I wondered where you were.“ „I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you worried.“ „I know.“ „How did you get away from home?“ „I said I have to do a school project and it’s with a muslim girl. So she cannot come to our home. He understood.“ Ander smiled sadly. „Thanks for lying for me.“ Omar nodded. Ander looked at him. At his bushy eyebrows, at his nice brown eyes, his short hair, his dark skin. Ander pushed his face closer to Omar’s chest. „I had a really shitty day yesterday and when I came home, all I wanted to do was to lay down, so I did. And then I just didn’t stand up anymore. I just layed here and watched the sky.“ „The whole time?“ „Yes.“ „Why?“ „I don’t know. It has something calming.“ „No. I meant why you layed here?“ „I…I don’t really know?“ „You don’t know?“ Ander shook his head. Omar caressed his neck and hair. Suddenly he felt wetness at his chest. „Hey..hey.“ He put his hands on his cheeks and lifted his face. „What is on your mind? Tell me?“ „I just.. I have so much stress at school and I don’t even know what I do it for sometimes? And I…I know I said I wanted to quit tennis. And I am happy that I did, because I really hated it. But I feel so lost Omar. Tennis was everything in my life, for my whole life and now it’s gone and I just..I don’t know who I am anymore. I was always good at tennis, I was known for it. I was Andar the tennis player. Now I am not.“ Omar looked at Andar’s hair, heard him talking in his teary voice. „I get that. It must be weird to loose something that was in your life for so long. But Ander. You will find a new hobby.“ „But I might not be good at it.“ „You will.“ „How can you say that? I was just good at tennis, nothing else.“ Omar let out a laugh. „You are good at many things, Ander.“ Ander scoffed. „And what would these things be?“ Omar moved them, so he was on top of Ander. He layed his arms next to his head and put his hands on his face. „You are good at being there for people. You are there for Guzmán, for Polo, for me. For your mum when your dad is yelling at her again. You are good at standing up for what you believe in, like at the party when they were talking about the gay people. You said something and stood up, I was a coward and just laughed along. You are good at loving. Nobody ever gave me the feeling you give me, the love you give me, the support and understanding you give me. The hope and the security. The effort. You want me, you want to keep me and you try your hardest. You give others a good feeling. And you are good at getting what you want. You got me after all.“ It was the first smile Omar got out of Ander this evening. „You also told your dad what you wanted. Or what you didn’t want. You stood up for yourself and made a decision. Something that I cannot bring myself to do. And I am so proud of you for that Ander. I am happy for you, that you can now live the life you wanted and Ander. You will find that life. You will find that way that leads to it. Because you are strong and ambitious. It might seem like you lost everything now, but you will gain again.“ Ander looked up from his spot at Omar’s chest with tears in his eyes.

„Te quiero.“ Omar smiled at that. „Better now?“ Ander nodded. „Thanks for that, really. Thanks for coming, thanks for lying to your dad, thanks for saying all that and thanks for caring. And I already did gain something. You.“ Omar made a face at that, because it was such a sappy comment, but he smiled from one ear to the other anyways. „Ander. You are the best thing that happened to me in a while. Don’t beat yourself up. You are worth more okay?“ Under nodded. Omar wiped at his eyes gently. „I love you too by the way.“ Ander smiled cutely and Omar couldn’t resist to press his lips against Ander’s. It was a gentle and slow kiss. A kiss that said „I love you“ and „I’ll be there“. It expressed love. „When did you eat for the last time?“ „Yesterday morning.“ „Well in that case, I will make you something.“ „Thought you won’t make me eat.“ Omar laughed, happy at the fact that Ander made jokes again. „That was before you were better and before you said you ate the last time more than 24 hours ago.“ Omar pressed a kiss to Ander’s front head and stood up. Ander loved that feeling. That Omar was here and went to his kitchen to make him food, just like a normal couple. But Omar came back in a few seconds. „Your mum said she will make something for us.“ Ander smiled. „She is probably happy that I say yes to food.“ Omar laughed and shook his head. „Got everybody worried hm?“ Ander looked away. „Hey it’s okay. You were not feeling well. But Ander?“ „Hm?“ „Next time please remember to look at your phone okay? I want to at least know that you are alive.“ Ander nodded. „Okay. I will. Promise. Can you come back and cuddle me some more?“ „Yes. That I can do.“ They layed back down. Looking at each other and having their arms around each other. „I’m sorry that I cannot be more there for you. If my dad wouldn’t be so..so strict and if I would come from a different family…“ „No. Don’t think like that. It is like it is Omar. But we manage don’t we? We are here together now after all no?“ Omar nodded but he still looked like he blamed himself. „This was not your fault. I’ll admit, I wanted you to come here last night or even just talk to you on the phone, but I know you couldn’t and it’s alright. It’s just the way it is. But we will find a way. I am sure of it. I won’t let you go.“ „I won’t let you go either. Thanks for accepting this.“ Ander smiled. "Where is this cut on your cheek from?" Ander laughed softly. "I fell on the street." Omar laughed and pressed a kiss on the wound. "Quitting tennis and getting clumsy immediately hm?" Ander rolled his eyes.

„Hey boys.“ Ander’s mother knocked on the door and came in. Omar wanted to scramble back up but Ander stopped him. „She saw us before, it’s fine.“ „Oh don’t worry about me. It is all okay with me.“ Omar smiled thankfully and if he was honest it felt good to be able to cuddle his boyfriend in front of somebody. „I made you some sandwiches and a fruit salad. The sandwich is with chicken Omar. And also some juice.“ Omar thanked her, happy that she knew enough about his culture to not offer him pork. „Thanks mum.“ „I um..I heard from Ander that you don’t have a phone?“ Omar looked down, embarrassed because this woman was probably not getting why his father would take away his phone in 2019. „Yeah. My father put it away.“ Ander’s mum got a phone out of her pocket. „This is my old phone. I’l pay for it, so you two can talk a little more yeah? Just hide it well please. I don’t want any stress with your father.“ Omar was speechless and so was apparently Ander. „Mum..“ „I know how hard it must be to not be able to talk and I know you think I am not supporting this relationship or whatever. So here I am..trying to convince you. And Omar you are welcome here anytime. And please tell me if you need anything.“ „Thank you. I am really so grateful for that. I don’t really know what to say.“ She just smiled. Ander stood up and hugged his mum tightly. „Thank you mum. Thank you so so much. This helps us a lot.“ Omar watched happily. „No problem hijo. Well I will leave you two alone again now.“ With that she went towards the door, but before she stepped out of the room, she turned around again. „Thanks for fixing him Omar.“ Omar smiled. „Gladly.“ She closed the door with a thumbs up. „Wow she is really nice.“ Ander nodded thoughtfully. „Well I guess I thought too low of her.“ Omar looked at his phone. „I will put a different name for you so if anyone finds this phone, they won’t know.“ Ander nodded. „We can chat again. In the nights. When your father is sleeping or when you are at school.“ Omar looked at Ander and nodded. „Then I can be there for you.“ „And I can be there for you.“, he said back. Omar nodded happily and they smiled at each other brightly at the thought of being able to talk again. „Tell me next time you feel like this okay?“ Ander nodded. „I will.“ „Promise?“ „Yes mi amor.“ „Oh mi amor?“ „Too much?“ Omar shook his head gently, his eyes full of love. „No. It’s fine.“ Ander nodded. „When do you have to leave?“ „Omar looked at the clock. In like two hours maybe?“ Ander's eyes lit up. „What do we do then?“ Omar looked at Ander with mischief. Ander rolled on top of Omar. „Later okay? I want to have two hours with you that feel like we do this 5 days a week.“ Omar smiled. „Okay. So first a movie? With cuddles? Then the other stuff.“ Ander chuckled. „Sounds good.“ Omar took the food from the bedside table and Ander got the remote for the TV. They ate in silence while watching the movie at first. But then they began to talk about everything they never had the chance to tel each other. The movie was in the background now and after the credits rolled they shifted their focus on „the other stuff“. They cuddled afterwards and whispered „I love you’s“ to each other.

When Omar walked home that night, he thought about how he never thought he would turn into such a sap. He always thought, he will marry a woman that his parents found and he will never be in love. But even if he imagined him falling in love, he never thought he could be so romantic and sweet. But he smiled at the thought. When Ander layed in bed that night, he smiled while watching the sky outside. before getting some sleep, he typed down a message.

„Thanks for being mine and being so amazing. I love you good night.“

This time the response came in a few seconds.

„I love you too and I am thankful for you. Good night and sleep well. Tell me if anything comes up mi amor.“

Ander smiled at the name and fell asleep with a smile on his face and a warm feeling in his chest.