#i want to write a series about these guys but first i dont have enough of me or time TTwTT

[kosmicdream]

im confident enough to post FFAK, which has anal prolapse, but i dont post the true drama....... my opinions about manga. *dramatic music* sometimes i kinda want to do some reviews.. its mostly me complaining.. it makes me sound so bitter like "do you like anything kosmic!" and..yes ! i do!!! okay!! i like a lot of things. once in a while, i dip my toes into a popular series to try to see if we are a good fit. Series like: Beastars, Dorohedoro, Dungeon meshi,ect.. and i kind. well. I dont like any of them LMAO. I mean, Ok, i actually really was into Beastars for a time, but after the fight with the bear guy (its been a few years sorry) and that story arc concluded.. it just spiraled to laughable levels and did not recover. I was genuinely laughing at it at times bc it kind of felt like a desperate scramble with the like. loopholes and power upgrades.. But I was invested for a time, it had a charm to me! I also loved the art and im curious about the authors next series about santa (partly because i too, am writing a story about santa). Dorohedoro has a great visual style, fun characters, i enjoyed reading but it also kinda didnt ...land for me beyond that, which is a shame. I feel like it is a series that "should" have clicked with me. And its like, not offensive to me but.. I'll forget that ive read the whole thing. I like STUFF in it. but thats not enough for me anymore. If i had read it when i was younger tho, it might have been a diff story. idk. My most unpopular opinion of all is that... I hated Dungeon Meshi.. Sure its ..pretty! cute designs. but i found it SO painfully boring and it actually was a struggle to finish. in the end, it felt like a waste of time.. SHOCKING take i know. That is the darling of everyones heart and i like, understand WHY its popular. .. but for me, i was not fed by anything. i am unfed and starved and going to eat elsewhere oh, and i.. as a person who has read a lot of fighting mangas.. I have tried to read chainsaw man, but i dont know if I can. I did finish Fire Punch. I'm surprised to say: i kinda liked it but it took a long time to force myself to read thru it. I honestly hated many aspects of Fujimoto's storytelling/character acting that i didn't think my opinion on it would change, but I'm a little more open to it now. I dont think i could ever super be into it or whatever, but i did find genuine enjoyment in aspects of fire punch. I did not really like look back. I haven't read his other one shot(s)? Where am i going with all this..I guess im giving some unrequested reviews after all...oops... a lot of this is spurred by how houseki no kuni is one of my most fav series, not only visually/characters/story/ect.. but i cant lie.... the ending... was kind of a flop for me... gorgeous and poetic ig sure but.. AUGH! it isnt what i wanted. maybe it'll be one of those "it'll grow on me" endings but thats mostly me having to go thru the 5 stages of personal grief and gaslight myself into it, but as the like actual honest first-reaction feeling it kinda lost me. I think it did not work when i felt the confrontation btwn phos/cinnabar wasn't the one i wanted to see. i will say tho, while im dissapointed, its not like a DEEP one or anything. I know its a miracle to even get to an ending.. i guess my take away feeling from it was like "everything fit together too well, too planned" but didnt feel planned, emotionally. I wasn't sold on it. Anyway, im here to speak my truth and my hot takes which, i honestly dont even want to have that one about HnK but its the real feeling i have for it.. Once again Utena's ending just has made all these other issues i have with various stories more obvious LOL

[fabulouslygaybean]

hi y'all. im sorry ive been off tumblr lately but im here. also i just finished the final ep of stranger things 4 and i have heavily mixed feelings

[ggukiepie]

one of your girls (pt. 2) (jungkook x reader)

we go 'round again, we jump back in bed that's what you do when you love somebody these bad omens, i look right through them that's what you do when you love somebody bad omens by 5sos

pairing: jungkook x fem oc

tags: smut, angst, fluff, fuckboy!jk, fwb rel, oc is...she thinks with her heart <//3, college au, jungkook is sus and a bit mean but is oc any better ? hmmmm

warnings: kissing, fingering, protected sex, mirror kink, backshots wooo but make it romantic, light choking, multiple orgasms, a little bit of aftercare, cuddling :o

word count: 6k

a/n: weeeee part 2 is finally here !! sorry this took so long yall. i have two more parts to release for this series (flashback then part 3). anw happy reading !! uhhhhhh the ending..dont scream at me :D / part 1 / drabble i (flashback)

taglist: @yuwaimo @haileycannotcometothephonern @hoseokteardrop @hoodrejects @agrika @joonwater @moonchild1

..••°°°°••..°°••....••°°..••°°°°••..

It's sunny today which calls for hanging out at the quad. It's what you and your friends usually do to take advantage of the rare warm days. Jihyo's busy bickering with Mingyu, you don't know what they're really talking about because you're busy re-writing your notes. You haven't seen Jimin yet but he texted the group chat saying he's just buying food. And Jungkook...well you don't know if he's going to show up today. You haven't talked to him since that night. It's just been three days anyway.

You feel someone sit down beside you and you notice it's Jimin. He's wearing those skinny jeans he loves so much because he says it makes his ass look nice. You roll your eyes every time he mentions that.

"Cool guy alert," Mingyu suddenly calls out. You whip your head up to stare at Jimin who's wearing the biggest pair of sunglasses you've ever seen, it's covering half of his face already.

"Too sunny for you, Jiminie?" Jihyo teases this time.

You all watch Jimin silently as he removes the sunglasses. His left eye is bruised and it's ugly and purple and almost black.

"What the fuck," Jihyo says to break the silence. "What happened to you?"

Jimin doesn't say anything yet, just simply fixes his hair and shakes his head. You can tell he's trying not to get angry because his jaw is clenched.

"Jimin?" you whisper.

"It was Jungkook," he says gruffly. Your heart stops again at the mention of his name. Why would Jimin and Jungkook fight? Their friendship is pretty solid and they always get along well. You've never seen them annoyed at each other.

Your eyes flit to Mingyu and you think he knows what happened because he's silent, no hint of surprise on his face. He's looking down at the table while playing with his food.

"You guys never fight," Jihyo interjects. "What happened?"

Jimin turns to face you and you suddenly think you know why. You don't want to say it yourself but you think you've got an inkling why Jungkook punched him. You just hope you're wrong.

"You need to talk to him," Jimin tells you, completely ignoring Jihyo's question. You nod silently and check your phone to see if Jungkook has texted you at all. Of course he hasn't. Typical. But you'll find him today. You don't know exactly what went down but Jimin telling you to find him confirms your suspicions. It's enough to get you mad, your body heating and tensing up in simmering anger. You don't mind what Jungkook does to you, how he hurts your feelings without intending to, how he treats you like you're some disposable object, like you're just there always on the sidelines waiting for him. What you can't tolerate is Jungkook bringing both your friends into your situationship. What goes on between you and Jungkook should stay between you both and that's it. You can't handle him hurting Jimin as well.

There are a few places where you think Jungkook might be. You walk to the cafeteria first and search for him in the crowd. He's not there so you head to the library instead and your heart drops the moment you see him talking to some girl.

"Hey," you practically shout, suprising the people in the library and yourself as well, even. You're usually never this angry. Never address someone in such a venomous way. But you can't help but feel irked at what Jungkook's done.

He looks back and his eyes widen at your angry form. It only lasts for a second before he smirks and walks closer to you.

"Yeah?" he says, all smug and cocky.

"We need to talk."

Then you turn around and start walking out of the library, could hear Jungkook walking behind you already. Girl he was talking to all forgotten.

Surprisingly, you end up at his place.

You walk into his living room, ignoring him when he tells you to take a seat on the couch.

"Did you punch Jimin?" you ask right away, wanting to get this stupid issue over with.

You watch as his jaw clenches, tongue poking the inside of his cheek. He looks at you for a moment, eyes in slits at your hostility. "And what if I did?"

"What the fuck was that, Jungkook?" You look at him with stern eyes and could tell he's angry as well, chest rising up and down in quick breaths.

"Don't mess with my friends," he says.

"Jimin is my friend too!" you retort. "What happens between me and Jimin has nothing to do with you."

"Just—"

"Just what, Jungkook?" you cut him off. "You had no right to punch Jimin like that. Why'd you even do it in the first place?" You place your hands on your hips as you wait for him to answer you, puffing out a breath in frustration.

He looks a bit lost, eyes darting from side to side to look for an answer. The longer the silence goes, the shorter your patience gets.

"Well?" you prompt.

"Just don't, alright?" he says lamely. You roll your eyes. "You can sleep with anyone else except—"

"Who the fuck gave you the right to tell me who I can and can't sleep with?" You're almost screaming now but you don't care. This push and pull with Jungkook is making you so angry you want to punch him. You walk up to him and shove at his chest but he barely stumbles back. It just angers you even further. "I don't even give you shit when you sleep with other girls!" You continue pushing him back, practically punching his chest now. "It's not like you agreed to be exclusive. You said it yourself that you still wanted to fuck around. That was the agreement."

Jungkook grabs your wrists to stop you from pushing him. You watch him clench his jaw as he makes eye contact with you. "What if I want to take back what I said?"

"What?" you mumble dumbly, all the fight leaving your body.

He lets go of your wrists and takes a step back. You watch him pace back and forth in his room. "What if I want us to be exclusive?"

You say the first thing that comes to mind. "You're lying." He must be. He's just trying to lure you in, get him on your good side again.

He looks at you dead in the eyes and it seems like all the anger and frustration is leaving his body as well. He looks defeated and tired, and you're sure you look the same. "I'm not. I never lie to you."

"You do, Kook," you say quietly. But you're not saying it to make him feel bad. You're simply saying it because it's the truth and both of you know that.

He sits down beside you on his bed and buries his face in his hands. You watch him and try to keep your tears at bay.

"Kook, if this is some sick joke—"

"It's not," he says all of a sudden. "What if I want us to be exclusive?" he tries again.

You don't like it when he looks at you like that. Like you matter to him. Like he actually cares. Like he feels the same way as you. Looking into his eyes is too much so you turn your head away and stare at the wall instead.

"Why?" you whisper.

"Because..." he tries. "Because—"

"Because what, Kook? Suddenly you don't like the idea of me sleeping with other guys? But you can sleep with other girls? And if I say yes to you, what'll happen then?" you say harshly. "Huh? You're gonna forget about me? Just use me whenever you want?"

"It's not like that, sweetheart." He tries grabbing your hand but you shake him off. You stand up and walk to the other side of the room, suddenly wanting to be away from him. Being near Jungkook clouds your senses and makes you act irrationally.

"Don't call me that." You feel your lips trembling and you're pretty sure tears are streaming down your face. "I don't know what you want from me, Jungkook. You can't even explain why you want us to be exclusive."

He mirrors your expression, big doe eyes suddenly teary as well. "I'm sorry," he chokes out. It stays silent after that. You nod to yourself. Maybe this is the best explanation you'll get. You gather your things and mumble a goodbye. You exit his bedroom and Jungkook doesn't chase after you. At this point you don't expect him to anymore. You bump into Mingyu and Jihyo upon exiting Jungkook's apartment. They call out to you but you ignore them and speed walk out of the building.

Your heart hurts. Like, it physically hurts. You know you should feel happy with what Jungkook's just told you. It's what you wanted ever since you fell for him. But why are you pushing away? Why don't you want to believe him all of a sudden?

Because you used to. Believe him, that is. Used to look at him all starry eyed with whatever he said. Said yes to whatever he asked. Looked at him like he can achieve world peace. Something stupid of the sort. Wore your heart on your sleeve every time you were with him. Even when you weren't, now that you think about it.

You always showed your feelings through your actions. He just showed his feelings through his words.

It's different but it's the same. This time you don't believe him. Stopped believing his words some time ago. Always knew there was some lie beneath his words. Always doubted what he said. Or just brushed it over your shoulder. Never let it settle in the crevices of your heart, which is sadly just filled with him. Him, him, him.

Jungkook, Jungkook, Jungkook.

You should feel sorry for yourself for how much he's changed you without even trying to directly. You never thought you'd have to change yourself for a man. But here he is, making you doubt him and the world. You were never like this before.

You thought love was easy. That if it was the right person, everything would fall into place naturally. You didn't know love would be like this. That you'd always be cautious, always had your walls up, looking over your shoulder. That you had to fight for love, or that it hurt so much you found difficulty in breathing.

But is Jungkook the right person?

It's not something you want to answer yourself, because you'll get hurt either way. You just brush the thought aside like you do with your feelings.

You don't go back to your apartment because you know Jihyo thinks it'll be the first place you go to. Will barge in your room because she has a spare key. Is confrontational and protective of you like that, she'll ask questions right away.

But you don't want to think of what just transpired. You want to forget. Move on. Not sure if that means moving on from Jungkook entirely (you doubt you ever will) but you just want to forget about today.

So you keep walking. No destination in mind, you just let your feet walk you to wherever. Away from campus. Walking through some random park. Eventually, you end up at a Korean BBQ. Don't realize the meaning this place holds till you're seated. It's Jungkook's favorite restaurant. He brought you here twice.

Now you're here alone. You start feeling pathetic. Who the fuck goes to a restaurant like this alone? You scan the area—you see couples, friends, families eating together. But you're alone which means you have to grill the meat alone. Serve yourself. Eat by yourself.

You order two bottles of soju. Might as well be drunk while looking pathetic.

You think you've made a good decision. The food is good and you're doing everything yourself so you have no time to think about other things. Or people. Person.

You flip the meat only to see that you've flipped it too early. It's not properly cooked yet. Jungkook always knew when to flip it at the right time.

You sigh. That was what, twenty minutes of him being out of your head? At least it's progress. Somewhat.

After a while you decide you can't inhale anymore food. You'll probably explode. But a happy tummy is a happy heart. Or whatever people say. You're drunk, can't think straight. You're drunk but not stupid, so you ask Jihyo if she can pick you up.

She simply replies otw and is outside the restaurant ten minutes later. She comes in full force—which is really just Mingyu and Jimin with her in the car. It's Mingyu's car, anyway, so you expected to see him. You don't know why Jimin's with them, but you don't mind. Seeing your group of friends eases the ache in your heart even more. Even though one person's missing.

You don't mind. Well, just a little.

You smile at them as you walk to the car while Jihyo runs out of it to give you a big hug. She doesn't say anything as she rubs your back soothingly and you don't cry on her shoulder like you normally would. You're too tired of crying. Being sad.

You don't say anything as the both of you get back in the car. They don't ask about what happened and for that you're grateful. You don't want to process it yet, anyway. Don't think there's much to process. You love Jungkook and he doesn't love you back. Simple.

Your friends fill in the quiet pretty well. Jimin goes off on some tangent. You don't really know the topic. But Jihyo's interjecting from time to time. Mingyu makes a joke and it has all of you laughing. Eventually you get to Jimin's place. It's the usual hangout spot. A one bedroom apartment with a nice balcony. Not too big but not too small either. Just right for the four of you.

Usually five.

You don't know what transpired after you left Jungkook's place. How Mingyu and Jihyo saw you running out with tears down your cheeks. You don't know and you don't ask. You all watch a movie together. All fall asleep in Jimin's living room. Will complain about your backs hurting the next morning but you don't care. It's nice to be around them.

You leave Jimin's place the morning after. You, Mingyu and Jihyo leave because Jimin shoos all of you out. Says he has an exam to study for. He'll probably complain about it during lunch. Tuesdays are reserved for lunch with each other. Out on the quad, if it's sunny enough. In the cafeteria otherwise. You're not sure if Jungkook will show up. You doubt he will.

Mingyu and Jihyo walk you home. You shower and get ready for class. You move as if you're on autopilot. Shower. Get dressed. Get the right textbooks. Lock your door. Walk to class.

You put yourself in this bubble, in this false sense of security that things are ok. You'll be okay. You've been through a lot and you're still here standing, breathing, living. This? This is nothing.

You just have to give yourself time. Have to push your feelings away. Out of sight, out of mind. Don't think it works like that when it's about your feelings. Whatever. Your heart will mend itself back to place.

But what makes a heart whole? It's people, mostly. It's your friends. Your family.

Jungkook.

Always gonna be Jungkook.

And you're back at square one.

..••°°°°••..°°••....••°°..••°°°°••..

jk (sent two weeks ago): can we talk?

jk (sent one week ago): hi

jk (sent one week ago): can we talk pls?

jk (sent five days ago): y/n?

jk (sent three days ago): im so sorry, y/n. i just want to talk. please.

..••°°°°••..°°••....••°°..••°°°°••..

It's been two weeks since the incident and your group hasn't been complete ever since. Either Mingyu and Jihyo are with Jungkook, or with you. Things are starting to change for the worse, and it's making you sad.

At least Jimin and Jungkook have made up already. You don't know the details exactly (because you didn't ask), but you've heard that they've started hanging out again.

You and Jungkook?

You haven't replied to any of his texts. You haven't seen him for two weeks. It's weird. It feels like there's something wrong, something off. Like there's a small pebble in your shoe. Like there's a nagging voice in your head telling you to go back home because you forgot to unplug your straightener.

Like you're missing a piece of you. This hole in your chest that leaves you feeling empty.

You miss Jungkook. And not just the sex. You also miss the friendship. The intimate moments.

You don't have the courage to ask about him, to text him back or look for him. Frankly, you're still hurt from what transpired and you think you might just break if he hurts you again.

It's even raining today. The cold and gloomy weather dampens your mood even more. You baked cookies to try to cheer you up. You used to love baking but haven't done so in a while, you're not really sure why. But you needed an extra pick me up today.

You're holding the tupperware of cookies close to your chest when you walk in the cafeteria, looking for your friends. You always bake extra for them—love the looks on their faces when Jihyo counts all the cookies first and divides it accordingly, when Mingyu gets more than what he should have, when they all fight over the last piece.

When Jungkook would ask if you had extra cookies back at your place.

You don't think that'll happen anymore.

You spot your friends by a table in the corner of the cafeteria, next to a large window where the rain hits it outside in a steady patter.

You see Mingyu who's taking to Jimin, Jihyo typing something on her laptop.

And there's the missing piece, beanie-clad head hung low, tattooed hand busy writing on his notebook.

You feel your heart lurch in your chest. You stop walking, not minding that you're blocking the way.

You take deep breaths to calm your nerves. You have to see each other at some point. And also, you don't want your friends to feel awkward anymore.

You continue walking again and because the universe wants to torture you even further, the only available seat left is right across Jungkook.

"Hi," you chirp, trying to sound as cheery as you can as you sit down. Mingyu, Jihyo and Jimin all look at you in surprise, then Jimin starts talking about his day to fill in the awkward silence. The three of them try to make things go back to normal. You would've laughed at the looks of your friends' faces (sans Jungkook, because you refuse to look at him) if you didn't feel so nervous.

You join in the conversation as well, not an ounce of sadness shown on your face. You don't want your situation with Jungkook to affect the rest of your friends.

The both of you never address each other directly, but you do feel him looking at you from time to time.

You place the cookies in the middle of the table. Like old times, Jihyo counts all the cookies and tells everyone they can only have three pieces each. Mingyu eats more than three. The three of them fight over the last piece, Jimin proposing that they battle it out through rock paper scissors.

You're laughing at the scene in front of you. Good thing you saved some for yourself back at your apartment.

Amidst the chaos, you feel Jungkook lean over the table to whisper in your ear.

"You got more cookies back at yours?"

Your body stiffens at the proximity. Usually you'd say yes. He'd follow you home, make some small talk while you place cookies in a ziplock for him, then he'd hug you goodbye.

That was before the agreement. It was essentially the same routine when you started sleeping with each other, though of course he'd stay a little bit longer.

You turn your head and look at him for the first time. You will yourself not to cry, to steel your emotions.

He looks so soft, so comfy like he just rolled out of bed. He's wearing a beanie to tame his curls, and he's wearing one of his oversized shirts paired with gray sweatpants.

He smells good too. And you realize that you really, really miss him.

"Yeah," you say just as quietly. You feel your heart lighten, but your head's screaming at you to reject him.

Jungkook doesn't say anything else and neither do you. You wait for your friends to finish eating and once everyone stands up, Jungkook walks to your side. Jihyo looks at you quizzically but you just shake your head, silently telling her not to voice out anything out loud. You say your goodbyes and start walking towards your apartment, Jungkook right beside you.

It's silent. And a little bit awkward. You're thinking of what to tell him, whether he wants to talk about what happened, or he just wants your damn cookies.

You close the door behind the both of you and you immediately walk to your small kitchen, grabbing the container of extra cookies and putting some in a ziplock, like you usually do. You feel from the corner of your eyes that Jungkook's watching you, and you feel like your heart is about to burst at what he might say.

"About that night..." he starts.

You sigh and drop the cookies on the counter, turning to him to look at him directly. For the first time in a while, Jungkook looks nervous. Fingers fidgeting, shifting his weight from one foot to the other.

"You know I like you, right?" you suddenly say.

"Yeah," he answers right away without a beat of hesitation.

"Then I want to stop whatever it is we have between us."

You watch Jungkook's face for his reaction. How his eyes widen, how he clenches and unclenches his fists, how his chest rises up and down in quick beats.

"Why?" he simply asks.

You bite your lip in thought, thinking of the right words to say. "I can't let you treat me like shit anymore, Jungkook. It's not healthy for the both of us. I don't know how you feel or what you want but look," you sigh. "You punched Jimin because what? Because I slept with him?"

"What if I want us to try?"

Now it's your turn for your eyes to widen, for your heart to lurch in your chest, body seizing at the question. Acting the same way you did when he asked the first time.

"Try?"

Jungkook nods, lips pursed as he walks closer to you. "You and me. Let's try. No more fooling around with other people." He swears under his breath as he comes to stand in front of you, both arms caging you against the counter. He breathes out and rests his forehead against yours, eyes closed like he's tired.

You're tired as well. But you let him do what he wants. Like you always do.

"(Y/N)," he starts to say. "Look, I— The thought of you sleeping with someone else... It made me crazy," he laughs dryly.

You lean back and scrunch your eyebrows at him. "Jungkook, I'm not some object for you to be possessive over. You just can't—"

"I don't mean it like that," he says, looking at you directly now. Your knees would've buckled at the intensity of his gaze were it not for your body leaning on the kitchen counter. "I just mean..." He turns his head to look away. "I just mean I can't bear the thought of you being with someone else anymore. Doing the things we do."

You open your mouth in reply then close it again when you realize you don't know what to say. You've been waiting to hear this confession for so long, but now that you've heard it, you're suddenly not happy. You're unsure. Guarded. Hurt.

"Jungkook," you whisper unsurely.

He turns his head back to you, gaze right on your lips before he locks eyes with you again.

"We can try. Please," he whispers. It's weird seeing Jungkook this way, all vulnerable and desperate. Begging. Usually, you'd be in his position. Not the other way around. "I promise this time."

You feel your resolve slowly crumbling. All the walls you've built up from your last interaction with him come falling down. You should hate yourself, you really should. But you know where your heart lies. What it wants. That you'd take any inkling of love he'd give you. Even if he may not mean it. Even if it might not last forever.

"Okay," you say, and the moment you do, you see the most beautiful smile grace his face. It makes you smile as well, ignoring the little voice in the back of your head to say no. "But we start slowly, alright?"

He nods his head, smile still there, body slowly pressing against yours. He nuzzles his head in the crook of your neck and your arms automatically go around him.

"Kook," you sigh. "We should probably talk first—"

"In the morning, baby," he says in between the kisses he's placing on your shoulder. "I promise."

You play with his hair while Jungkook does what he wants. Kissing your shoulder, your collarbone, up to your jaw. It's playful at first, big smooches echoing in your apartment. Then it starts getting heated the moment you feel his tongue on your skin.

"J-Jungkook," you stutter.

He grips your waist and lifts you up so you're seated on the counter. "You drive me crazy, I hope you know that."

You smile at him and say nothing else as you grab his face towards yours, finally reconnecting your lips with his. It's soft and sensual, no sense of urgency like how you usually kiss. Like how Jungkook had somewhere to be after. Or that he wanted to get it over with.

He's taking his time now by the way his lips mold slowly against yours, like he wants to map out how you taste, how you feel, how your tongue feels like pressed against his.

You stay like that for a while, just kissing and basking in each other's presence. Jungkook holds your waist firmly like he doesn't want to let go. Frankly, you don't want him to either.

You start getting antsy so you grab the hem of his shirt and try to slip it over his head. He laughs at your impatience as you throw the shirt somewhere in your apartment, hands going to his back instantly. Scratching your nails lightly down his skin, leaving goosebumps in its wake. Then your hands go down to his pants and you start toying with his jeans.

"Sweetheart," he leans back and chuckles. He holds your face gently. "There's no need to rush, okay? We've got all the time in the world."

You lean back as well, exhaling the breath you didn't know you were holding. "Okay," you agree. "Yeah, sorry."

"Let me take my time with you," he murmurs as he leans in again to kiss you.

Jungkook does his take time. Practically kisses every inch of your skin. Takes off your clothing one by one. Fingers you slowly that you're seeing stars. Cleans you up with his mouth that you're left breathless and dizzy. Disoriented. You're both (finally) naked by the time you're in bed.

"Look at yourself, baby," he whispers right into your ear.

His words go in your ear and out the other, head too clouded with the mind blowing orgasm he just gave you. You don't understand what he's telling you to do until he gently grabs your chin and turns it to where he wants you to look. Your eyes spot your full length mirror. You see yourself, bare and sitting on the bed with your legs folded beneath you, thighs open and pussy on display. Jungkook's right behind you in a similar position, body so big and wide that you notice the stark difference of your bodies.

You see your chest heaving up and down, tits moving in sync with your breaths. Your hands are resting on his thighs. Jungkook slithers his arm to wrap around your waist. Finally, you lock eyes with him through the mirror.

"See?" he says, though you don't really know what he wants you to see. "You look so pretty. S'why I can't get enough of you."

"Oh," you breathe out.

"Yeah, oh," Jungkook chuckles lightly. "Gonna fuck you now, okay?"

You nod your head in reply and Jungkook lifts you up a bit to enter you from behind. You gasp when he fills you up right away, a perfect fit like always. He starts thrusting slowly but deeply, and you feel his tip kiss your cervix each time. You would've toppled forward were it not for his protective hold around your waist.

"Feels good," you finally moan out.

"I know, baby," he pants from behind you. "You take me so well. Like you were made for me. Like we were made for each other."

Your heart seizes at that, and all words get stuck in your throat when Jungkook picks up the pace of his thrusts, both hands going to your chest to cup your breasts.

Jungkook presses his chest to your back, practically molding himself around your body, you're starting to feel as one. He buries his face in the crook of your neck, lips on your sweaty skin.

"I might not last long," he grunts.

"Me too," you mewl. It stays silent for a while, just both your breaths filling the room. It's not like you need to say anything, to be vocal like you both usually are. It's different this time and you know Jungkook can feel it too. With the way his body is pressed to yours, to his tight hold on you like you might disappear into thin air if he lets go, how his mouth never seems to leave your skin, how your hand holds his. Like you're too overwhelmed with the events that happened today, the past few weeks—since this started. That it's all coming to an end, but an end with a new beautiful beginning. It feels overwhelming because you're entering new territory. You still have your doubts (you don't think those will ever leave), but at least now you're on the same page with Jungkook. Together. Jumping into the unknown. Even if you're not sure how this will turn out—being together with him, for real this time. If it'll end in greater heartbreak or will be your best decision yet. But you're here because you want to try. You've let him in because you want to try. Because your heart has been with his from the start, you realize.

You're brought back to reality when Jungkook brings his hand up to wrap around your throat—not tightly, a hold barely there but firm enough to know he has you in his hold. You stare at yourself again in the mirror, at Jungkook moving his hips from behind you. How you're so pressed into each other.

"Jungkook," you choke out, suddenly so overwhelmed and full of emotion. His gaze shifts from your body to your face, looking at you through the mirror so intently you feel like melting. You move your hips back to meet his thrusts, your body feeling like it's on fire and that you might snap soon. "Kook, I—"

"I know, baby," he murmured. "I know." Knows that you're close, that this moment feels different, electrifying. "I got you, okay?" he whispers so sweetly. You lean your head back against his shoulder. "Let go for me. Hm?"

"Okay," you whisper, eyes closing and focusing on doing just that. It doesn't take you much longer to reach your peak, to let go and let the pleasure take control of your body. It comes to you gradually, getting stronger and stronger, and Jungkook talks you through it all. Though you can't make out his words since everything sounds so muffled. Like you're under water and the wave's crashed.

"Gonna come too," he grunts. "You're so beautiful when you come, baby. I can't—"

Jungkook reaches his orgasm after and fills up the condom. Fucks you so slow and deep through his high it sets you off once more. Don't realize that his finger is rubbing your clit slowly. Like he wanted you to reach your high again.

"That's it," he whispers. "So good for me."

You almost fall face first on your bed, but Jungkook catches you with a hand around your waist. Moves you around the bed so that you're laying on your back with him right beside you. You curl into him instantly as his arm wraps around your shoulder. He brings his lips to the crown of your head and places a gentle kiss.

You close your eyes and listen to the beat of his heart slowing down, focusing on the rise and fall of his chest. "We need to clean up soon," you mumble after a while.

"I'll do it," he mumbles back. "Let me just— Let me catch my breath first."

You laugh lightly, your body slowly succumbing to sleep. You feel Jungkook stand up and for a second your heart seizes in your chest. You keep your eyes closed while you try to listen for any sounds of clothes being picked up, of him getting dressed.

All you hear is your bathroom door being open then closed, then you feel a damp washcloth between your legs, and only then does your heart start beating again. Jungkook's back beside you in bed a few moments later, and then you finally succumb to sleep.

..••°°°°••..°°••....••°°..••°°°°••..

An alarm wakes you up the next morning. You know it isn't yours since it's not the usual ringtone you use. You open your eyes slowly and smile sleepily at Jungkook's arm draped across your waist. You look back to see him sleeping peacefully, mouth slightly ajar. You reach your arm out to your beside table to look for the noisy phone, realizing it's Jungkook's when you bring it close to your face to turn off the alarm.

You notice he's gotten a few notifications since last night, are about to place it back on your table when a text stands out to you. Waking you up fully. Your tummy churning, your breath seizing.

You can't see the preview of the message, but the name is enough to leave you feeling dizzy.

It's from Iseul. You know her because she's one of Jungkook's regulars. And you know this because she texts him a lot, her name always popping up in his phone. Not that you secretly went through it before, but sometimes Jungkook likes showing his phone to you and your friends, either of a cool photo he took lately or some random meme.

You try to stop your thoughts from thinking of the worst, but you can't help it. You and Jungkook haven't talked much about your relationship, because there is a lot to talk about. You know it won't all be fixed in one sitting. So you don't know if they're still seeing each other. You don't know if he meant what he said last night.

You start feeling ill, your palms sweating and your head beginning to pound. You find yourself standing up, getting dressed and grabbing just your phone with you. Never mind the fact that you're leaving Jungkook yet you're in your place. That he might still be here when you're back, whenever that will be. For the first time since you started this thing with him, you leave without saying goodbye.

[idolomantises]

I've always wanted to try doing a comic. Do you have any advice for a beginner who's never drawn comics? any mistakes you made that you learned from or just tips?

similar to making a video game and an animated series, don't jump into a massive project right away. practice a bit with smaller, shorter and simpler stories. really allow yourself to refine your work and your writing

if you ever plan on working on an official series, make an outline. seriously, this is so obvious but so many new writers dont create one. they just have an ending and a few key moments planned and think its enough

you will learn, very quickly how annoying backgrounds are. dont be afraid to cheat and use 3D assets to make the workload easier on yourself.

when it comes to design, be sure to draw characters you're fine with drawing over and over again. that really detailed tattoo looks cool on a cover, but how do you feel about redrawing it 5 times in one page?

paneling is a very common thing i see artists disregard when they make comics for the first time. it should be pretty readable (like i love jojo's bizarre adventure but my god its like araki wants to straight up confuse his readers)

dont over explain, let your art speak for itself. your readers are smarter than you think, and gestures and expressions can convey enough.

do cheats. not every panel needs a background. zoom in on the face. copy and paste characters and backgrounds, this one seems obvious but i know a lot of artists are afraid of being seen as lazy. value your physical health over some guy online complaining about you being lazy

[amypihcs]

So i'm dead.

@contact-guy's beautiful comic (i loved it, truly, it killed me.) and watching Hellsing with an offline friend of mine killed me THROUGHLY.

And since i fear i'm figuring out how Holmes and Watson's relationship will evolve into @contact-guy's comic serie i'll curse you with the HCs i made with my dear @i-dont-talk-for-days-on-end today talking about my future drawing of Watson with his loves, Holmes and Mary.

You can probably tell i'm emotionally devastated because my writing is more inconsistent than my usual.

So.

For me is very important that Mary gets treated well, since she exists in canon and is a fantastic woman. And i also love to think that she and Holmes are friends, after all they both love Watson.

My take is, Watson and Mary have kind of a façade marriage based on good friendship and comradeship but without love and generally without sex.

This could work in two ways, both of which are incredibly nice one:

Aroace Mary who needs some sort of social respectability coming from a marriage and got lucky enough to find a man as good and kind as Watson who is more than willing to help her to achieve it without endangering her

Lesbian or Bi Mary in a relationship with a girl, probably her ex employer, could be someone else, who still needs the respectability and stability coming from a marriage and is still lucky enough to find our favourite bisaster, Dr John H. Watson, who is also bisexual and in a relationship with a man and would benefit a lot from the cover of a respectable marriage.

The first one is rather easy to treat. Watson and Mary make good friends during Sign of Four, Holmes notices/guesses that Mary is acespec like him (my Headcanon for Holmes is that he is demigay) and when Watson proposes and she accepts they put immediately straight that it won't be a consummated marriage, ever.

The second one develops in the same way, and this makes so much more explainable the many times Mary is mentioned to be away visiting relatives in canon. Mary is with her partner, Watson is with his partner.

Now angst warning!

Sherlock Holmes looks very favorably upon Watson's marriage, he is in fact the one that pushes Watson into it, and for very good reasons.

Let's put sign of four in 1887, alright? Chances are high he was already pursuing Moriarty, or that he generally was realizing more and more the risk of dying on the job, well, Holmes is a smart man. And a clever, practical and caring one as well. he is a man who loves deeply and cares deeply and wants to always have his affairs in order.

Is it too much of a stretch to imagine that he realizes the higher and higher risk of SOMETHING BAD happening? I don't think so. And he knows that Watson could get caught in the crossfire and he wants of course to protect Watson and offer him some saving net.

He pushes Watson into this marriage that will not mean the end of their relationship but the creation of another meaningful relationship for his love, so that SHOULD I DIE he will have someone to help him weather the storm (would watson care, would he? nobody ever did, but WATSON. Watson cares for everyone... would watson care...). The marriage also means that he will go back into practice, and this is an economic safe net, something always good. Their relationship is of course carefully concealed but such a handsome, sociable, perfect man as Watson is staying unmarried and living with a bachelor friend might give rouse to suspects, marriage will give his incredible partner respectability, something Moriarty or anybody won't dare to attack without sure cards in his hands, and Holmes will make sure NOBODY has any such cards.

Holmes is no coward, but he's not stupid either. He knows his job is dangerous and it might lead to really bad things happening, so he is happy when Watson tells him Mary said yes. He is happy on the morning of the wedding, he is the man who ties Watson's tie and then kisses his lips. He tells his husband to go marry, enjoy his honeymoon and start his life with his wife. And then come back to him, to their rooms and their love. And they both will have tears in their eyes. Holmes will not be at the cerimony, nor will Mary's wife. But they will always support their partners.

Holmes OF COURSE will sulk for a bit, until Scandal in Bohemia. He did what was right, but he still feels lonely. And then Watson comes back. And they're together once more, they're in love and they can break the world apart. And then comes 1890. Watson is a bit more settled down, Holmes has his affairs in order, he can set to the work of his life. And then comes 1891.

Holmes is afraid.

They set fire to their rooms. Home is not safe anymore.

Reichenbach comes.

Holmes is not suicidal, he is terrified. And yet he will once more put Watson's happiness in front of his own. He will not put his husband in front of an impossible choice. He drafts a letter in his head. He leaves it under a silver cigarette case.

He can't imagine he will only see his husband three years later.

His plans worked and failed. But they're back together. Holmes will finally talk. There's a broken window in 221b Baker Street, they're both older, more tired. A bit sad at how things turned out. Mary is dead. Holmes couldn't have forseen that. And yet after some days, after a dinner. Watson will pat the empty spot on his left on the couch, he's still sitting in the center. He will hug Holmes close to his chest, they will remember the times all three of them hugged, Watson and his loves, Mary on the right, Holmes on the left. Holmes on the heart's side, Mary on the reason's side. They will cry. And remember. And be glad for what have been and look forward to what will be.

They're older, more sure of themselves. Watson's status as a widower is respectable enough, he murmurs in the dark. He will only be married to one man for the rest of his life. The following morning, Holmes presents Watson with a French gold coin, for his Watch chain. That will be their ring, their memento.

Years will pass, they will retire, they will always be together, because they never lived, so they can never die. Outside the rain pours and the cabs rattle in the streets.

And it is.

Always.

1895.

Okay, sorry for the immense rant, i have tears streaming down my face, my j'accuse is up in the first lines and it's also my thank you for getting the balls to write this rant on holmes, watson and mary.

[nereidprinc3ss]

Hello, the one anon who said Spencer wasn’t an ass based on your preview….and….

I still don’t think he is! I am SO PROUD OF HIM!!!

Obviously Derek is the only actually correct one here (well and Randall who I loved. Imaging him as a slightly crusty war vet who means well but just is too gruff and rough to come across well. His wife bakes pies and has a rose garden in my mind) -

BUT, if you pretend to not know readers side, what Spencer says is perfect. Seriously I am so amazed at how well you articulate complicated emotions!!

Spencer had to grow up to take on adult responsibilities at age 10. He isn’t the best at communicating (v obvious right now), but he also is trying. He’s doing his best to do what’s right - and to him, reader is acting like a child lashing out - saying one thing, doing another. He can’t read her mind - all this is doing to him is proving he loves someone who doesn’t love him. (Again - which has to be the worst part. Like come on, dude admitted he loved the first girl he slept with and she didn’t love him. Now he’s in basically the same situation minus the actual intercourse and that has to hurt. It has to make him think something’s wrong with him) So he uses his words as a defense.

Could he have been nicer? Definitely. But his points, while ruder than normal for him, were accurate. (Seriously - cannot exclaim enough how amazed I am at your skill in writing conflicting emotions and view points).

ON THE FLIP SIDE —

Poor, poor reader. Trying to ignore what we know about Spencer - to only think how reader is thinking. That for the very first time, they’ve fallen in love - only to not be loved in return. The very feeling Spencer describes for himself - the feeling he wants her to avoid ever having.

Then she thinks that Spencer is angry at her for loving him, that something has to be wrong with her for him to not want her love. And she doesn’t have the experience or confidence to say what she thinks - so she pouts and ices him out, trying to leave so he can’t leave her first.

Two idiots in love. Absolute giant idiots.

Derek’s the only sane one right now - and that never happens. He’s right that Spencer can be, well… a cunt. But he’s also right that reader doesn’t understand how icy and sharp her claws are.

Ugh, I seriously read this when you released it and then had to step away before typing this message because I was worked up. Part of me really hopes it is reader who confesses first - and then they both grovel to each other. But I also know however you write it will be exactly right - and I’m looking forward to reading everything you post!!

Thank you, for starting and continuing this little series. Astounding! I need more words to describe how lovely this all is!

— 🌌

GUYSSS you all NEED TO READ THIS im serious!!! anon you get it!!! if you guys read part five as if you DONT know whats going inside readers head and try looking at it from spencer’s pov this is all very real. that’s not to say he was in the right for being unkind but he thought she was genuinely just being incredibly brutally unkind for no reason and he asked her to stop because he doesn’t want to breakup but he can’t handle being treated like that forever. thank you for verbalizing these things so i dont have to and thank you for reading🩷🩷 you are so sweet!! im glad the emotional components came through well for you!!

[atlabeth]

now that the dust has cleared from the chaos for me irl, i want to officially thank you all for 3000 followers!! because wow. where do i even start?

this isn't a milestone i thought i would ever reach. i made this blog during my junior year of high school when i was bored as hell in online school, not knowing what would come of it, and honestly not expecting anyone to read anything i’ve written. i exclusively wrote avatar fics (kind of embarrassing that a series i started at the beginning of my blog still isnt finished huh?) because it was what i had been watching most recently. i started to gain some recognition, made some friends, and slowly but surely i carved out my little corner of the internet. and now, 3 years, 3000 followers, and almost 500,000 words later, i’m going into my junior year of college with some of the best online friends a girl could ask for (shoutout to my day 1 @simplysolo for still being around and still being the best ever, and shoutout to all my other tumblr friends that have deactivated over the years</3 i miss you guys) a whole array of fandoms that i’ve dabbled in, and a newly discovered thing for middle aged men. cool 

i truly cannot thank you all enough. i’ve always been a writer, but this blog has given me a sorely needed creative outlet and made me more confident in my writing skills than ever. at the end of the day i’m just writing silly little x reader fics, but i’ve truly had so much fun doing it! every single fictional man im in love with is also in love with me isn’t that crazy!!!

a special, extended shoutout to the loveliest mutuals i’ve picked up over the years. i wouldn’t be half the writer i am and i wouldn’t have half as much fun on here without you all. @simplysolo for being around since the beginning and truly being the greatest person on this app, i love you intensely, @sokkadora for being another one of my ogs (we dont talk anymore but i see you every so often on my dash and you’re doing great!!) @mcallmestiles for being one of the first avatar fics i ever read, traitor encouraged me to be a better writer and i hope you’re doing well with your medical career!! @tangledinlove for being my most famous mutual, the kindest person in the world, and being brought together through the power of lockwood, @giyuji and @milkiane who are both inactive but who i have to tag because i love them and i hope they’re doing well; naomi you got me into the grishaverse and liane we were in the trenches of the stranger things revival together, @boneblushed for dealing with so much but still being phenomenal and lovely in every way, @tommymcartney for being so sweet all the time, my biggest cheerleader and encouraging my insanity in every fandom ive been a part of, @nghtwngs for being the only person who loses it over nikolai lantsov as much as i do, to all my new/more recent mutuals @hotchfiles @ma1dita @moowithmidnight @emiliehornby @supercutszns i can't wait to get to know or keep getting to know you!!! you're all so lovely!!! and all the mutuals i don’t talk to as much as i should, i love you all and cherish you in my heart regardless of if we talk every day or have never said a single word to each other!! i don’t want to tag you all because i don’t want to bother you, but if you’re looking at this and thinking am i talking about you, i am. i love you. it takes a village and im so lucky to have you all as mine 

i can’t believe it’s been 3 years, i can’t believe i’m halfway done with college, and i can’t believe we hit 3,000. truly, from the bottom of my heart, thank you so much for reading my fics and letting me be some small part of your lives. i can’t wait to write more for you all. keep a lookout for my 3k celebration post! 

[jaemified]

through the window (21 days) - lee chan

“waiting 21 days isnt so bad if itll always end like this.”

pairing ; lee chan x fem!reader

genre ; fluff but pretty cheesy fluff, strangers to lovers, neighbors to lovers, not a smau but twt profiles are showed

warnings ; swearing, floods, isolation, separation, chans flirty (thats a warning in itself), reader has zero relationship experience

wordcount ; 2.7k

synopsis ; after a long series of floods, youre finally able to meet the boy across the street who had caught your eye throughout the long few weeks.

note - chan isnt an idol but minnie/soyeon are

note 2 - idk what chan is looking at in that pic

read below the cut !

DECEMBER 8, 2023

winter, also known as flood season.

the town where you lived in was already at a low altitude, so the bridge built to cross over the river to the other side of the street always had submerged during this time of year.

the thing that sucked the most about all this, was you were pretty much rained in for however long it takes for the water to drain with absolutely no way out.

so naturally, you all had came prepared.

your roommates minnie and soyeon never minded all the rain as they hated going in to work at the crack of dawn, yet you however, loved what you did. tutoring a kids after school program wasnt half as bad as the average person might think.

but, of course seeing as they were all a bunch of middle school kids, they could be a handful. you decided to listen to your friends and use these next few weeks to relax.

or, what you thought relaxing was.

“come on y/n! dont you wanna make strawberry shortcake with us?” minnie yelled at you over soyeons loud music while you studied over the next lesson plan for your kids.

“maybe later- i really wanna get a head start on these lessons.”

“seriously y/n?” soyeon murmured in slight disgust, “i seriously doubt the first thing those kids want to be thinking about is what they’re gonna do with their math tutor after a free half month.”

you shrugged and took a sip of your coffee before typing in the highlighted notes from the handbook into your computer.

“come on. youre not spending our one free break of the year like this again!” soyeon exclaimed as she snatched the book out of your hands, then closing your laptop before putting them both away in the cabinet under the tv.

“you know i can just get that myself right?”

“no, because i won’t let you.” she replied, locking the door and putting the key in her pocket.

“come on! im passionate about what i do, i dont mind it at all!”

“me and minnie are passionate about writing songs too, but even we know when its good enough to take a break.”

“okay i know i don’t work half as hard as idols do but i still have bills to come by! besides, corporate management demands i have the next lesson plan finalized before the end of the week!”

“corporates a bitch, they gotta be more mindful of how they treat their employees. like how do you be top tutoring company in the country and you still cant manage your employees the way they deserve?” minnie shouted in frustration.

“and dont worry about bills for now, we got it.” soyeon whispered to you.

“minnie- you realize cube is the same way to you guys right? and you work way harder then i do despite not getting the income you deserve.”

“yeah but we manage. we have a contract anyway. i know we’re passionate about what we do but we most certainly are not passionate about who we work for.” soyeon replied for minnie as she couldn’t hear over the sound of the blender (why was she using a blender again?)

you sigh soaking in how much pressure your friends are under at work, realizing you don’t even have it half as bad despite having a pretty shitty boss.

“how bout you find someone worth crossing an ocean for? itll be half as fun for us as itd be for you, since it’s in our contract we aren’t allowed to date.” minnie spoke after the whirring of the kitchen appliances died down.

“how.. we are entirely stranded until however long it takes for this stupid flood to drain.”

“do some stalking on insta. let’s find you like uh.. celebrity crush or ulzzang you can fan girl over or something.”

you scoffed in annoyance and slight disgust with your friends knowing you never really cared for any of that.

you decided to sit down at the bay window by the front door, scrolling through your phone before something outside caught your eye.

there you saw a guy across the way, sitting in his bay window just like you, he who seemingly just finished receiving a lecture from his friends.

you watched as he ran a hand through his fluffy dark brown hair, before he turned your way, your eyes locking.

immediately, it was part of your instinct to nervously turn away.

before slowly looking back, that is.

there you found the beautiful brown haired boy, still looking at you, with a golden smile.

your heart melted (but you thought you were having palpitations) when you saw him look at you so fondly.

what is this feeling?

you slowly raise a hand, and wave to him shyly.

he waved back, before forming a heart with his arms he held over his head.

you laughed quiet enough so your friends couldn’t hear you, but your facial expressions were bright enough so he could be aware he was able to make you laugh.

the boy laughed in response before he seemed to mouth something, but you weren’t the best at reading lips.

you tilted your head in confusion before he jokingly rolled his eyes, and saying it again, but slower.

“cu-tie.” you realized he said, or attempted to say.

“cu-tie?” you sounded out, making sure you understood right.

he nodded before pointing at you, his finger tapping against the glass, “cutie.”

he absolutely reveled in the way you smiled so brightly, the way your cheeks flushed pink and your eyes sparkled with excitement.

you didnt even realize how you were falling for his charms.

before you were even able to say anything back, his friend came up from behind him, attempting to drag him away, yet the guy was still persistent.

you watched how his friend started to get angry, so the guy rolled his eyes and stood up, walking away with his friend down the hall.

but not before waving back at you, blowing a kiss.

you got up from your seat before wrapping your arms around minnie, resting your head on her shoulder while you spared a small glance at whatever soyeon was watching in the living room.

“hmm? what do you need now my child?” she dramatically questioned, as she knew you only got clingy when you needed something.

“whos that guy that lives across the.. on the other side of the bridge? in that dark brown house with the black roof?”

“oh? house 133 right? thats seokmin, minghao, and.. what’s the other ones name? I always forget.. chan! yeah, chan.”

soyeon jumped up in surprise, pausing her show after hearing you pique your interest at a guy for the first time.

“why? you like one of them? which one? minghao? he was pretty well liked for a foreigner. he was in the same exchange program as minnie. ” she excitedly asked.

“w-what? no! i was just asking cause i saw one of them out there earlier.” you unconvincingly lied.

“oh she totally likes minghao.” “not even!”

“sweetheart, we aren’t as dumb as you think we are.” minnie pouted at you while she pulled away to put the cake in the oven.

you huffed in disbelief before going to take a bag of chips from the pantry, walking down to your room to finish the lesson plan. (on the laptop your boss lent you since soyeon took your personal one).

meanwhile, there you left chan, day dreaming about you all day long. he was so curious about you, yet he felt so stupid for crushing on some girl he’d never spoken to before.

not like he even could at this point, you were stuck in the middle of a flood, anyway.

“whats on your mind channie? you seem out of it.” seokmin asked while he blindly stirred the tteokbokki, turning to face the younger boy behind him, sitting at the kitchen island.

“its chan. whens he not out of it?” minghao chuckled, throwing a chip at his cheek, sliding to sit over at the stool next to him as he emerged from his bedroom.

“who lives in that white house on the other side of the bridge? isnt that where soyeon lives? we went to high school together.” chan half-mindedly queried, zoning out as he stared into the marble counters.

“yeah, why?” minghao responded.

“did she move out or something? there was another girl there and it wasnt soyeon or minnie.”

“oh, you mean y/n? she graduated a year before you or something, but at another school. we used to work at the same tea house before she left for that tutoring agency.”

“y/n? sounds vaguely familiar. i think i remember seungkwan mention her being in his class.”

“why are you mentioning her all of a sudden? you never cared for girls.” seokmin teased with a wide smile.

“oh come on. you know he’s quite the flirt.” minghao playfully cooed at chan, dramatically waving his hand back at seokmin.

“you two are insufferable.” he groaned, banging his head against the counter.

you found yourself up at night, scrolling through twitter before you decided to search for the guy you ‘met’ today. minghao, was it?

‘xu minghao’ was what you had entered into the search bar, clicking on the top result.

‘myunghoez’

‘huh.’ you thought to yourself. so it couldnt be him, but seokmin didnt seem to have an account as you searched for his name.

you looked up chans name next, thinking maybe,, that there could be a chance it’s him. his profile picture was technically him, but not, him. but in your defense, how could you tell who was who if chans profile picture was a baby picture?

though you knew youd never hear the end of it from her, you decided to ask soyeon.

“do you have a picture of chan?”

“yeah hold on. its just an old screenshot from an old tweet though.” she mumbled before pulling up her phone to show you.

‘wow.’ you thought to yourself, ‘so this really was the guy i met today.’

before soyeon could ask any questions, you quickly thanked her and ran back to your room before posting a small something in reference to what minnie had said to you earlier.

days, weeks, went by of you and chan interacting through the window despite never seeing each other up close, or ever hearing the others voice.

but despite being isolated from separately, you still had fallen for one another nonetheless.

you loved the way you would feel butterflies in your stomach whenever he made a heart with his hands for you, and he absolutely adored the way you in the end would just make a big sign telling him what you wanted to say when you gave up on trying to get him to read your lips.

of course the flood had its downside, i mean being stuck with the same 2 other people for almost a month definitely takes a toll on you, isolation definitely can get depressing with no way out.

but in the end, it had its upside as well. you were able to meet a great guy despite never technically talking face to face, having only lip reading to communicate (why didn’t you think of social media?). not to mention you were able to put more time into a forgotten passion after all of your energy being used up as a tutor.

marine animals.

you and chan had technically discussed the idea of possibly having a first date when you get out of here, yet you still hadn’t decided where you’d go or what you’d do seeing as you both were pretty passionate about different things.

chan had always loved the stars, you had always loved marine life. but, you decided you would finalize a date night once you both get to meet face to face.

DECEMBER 29

after a long 21 days of disappointment, spending christmas without your family, 3 going on 4 weeks of crazed loneliness, you finally woke up one morning to find the overflowing river, drained, and to its regular level.

you were able to see the bridge once more and though the wood might be rotting, you just couldnt wait to cross it.

you immediately ran down the hall, dressing however best you could, fixing your hair to be as best as it would go, being sure to brush your teeth and pop in a mint before running straight out the door. (and ignoring all of soyeons questions as well as minnies protests)

as you stepped out the front door, you saw chan just leaving his house looking as beautiful as ever.

you ran straight for the bridge, chan catching you before you could slip on a puddle before he picked you up into a big hug.

“you’re just as gorgeous up close as you were through a window.” he whispered as he pulled you close, his hand cradling the back of your head, pulling it to rest against his chest.

“and you’re still just as much of a flirt arent you?” you chuckled before slightly cringing at your attempt to reciprocate the excitement.

you were excited, believe me, just couldn’t express it as well as he could.

“i cant believe it took 21 days to finally be with you.”

“it was worth the wait wasnt it?”

“you’ll always be worth the wait.” chan mumbled against your skin as he pressed a soft kiss into your cheek.

“cant believe you’re real..” you mumbled, leaning further into his touch.

“cant believe i got someone like you to fall for someone like me.”

“chan you’re so cheesy.”

“only for you.” he replied with that stupid grin you grew to love so much.

the two of you later took the time to talk more about life, each other, finally exchange numbers, then eventually decide what you’d do for your first date night.

“see you tomorrow at 12?”

“tomorrow at 12.”

DECEMBER 30

you practically couldn’t sleep as you bubbled in excitement. you picked out a pretty black dress that went nicely with a random pair of white sneakers before heading out on your way while your roommates were out at work.

“lookin as pretty as always.” chan smiled while he opened his car door for you.

“still as handsome as ever arent you?” you jokingly rolled your eyes as he backed out the parking lot.

you two had many common interests, yet what you were most passionate about definitely was pretty parallel to one another.

chan loved the stars, you loved the sea. so, you decided to go to an aquarium (that also included solar system exhibits), grab some food from a cafe you found out you both loved, go for a late drive to the beach, watch the sunset, then stargaze.

call it cliche but it was perfect for you both.

chan wrapped an arm around you as you both stared into the night sky, all the stars displayed beautifully.

he would point at a random star and say it reminded him of you, because it stood out from the rest, distinct, but perfect in his eyes.

he was the sweetest guy ever, perfectly fitting the standard for what’s considered boyfriend material, almost unrealistic, even.

“youre a person worth crossing an ocean for.” you told him more then truthfully, bringing a hand up to softly stroke his cheek.

“out of all the stars in the sky, youre the only one id pick.” he cringed realizing how corny it was. “too cheesy?”

“just enough.” you reassured, before sealing both yours and his lips into a warm and comforting kiss. chan had never felt safer in another’s embrace.

“waiting 21 days isnt so bad if itll always end like this.”

[moonchildstyles]

fic announcement and sneak peek!

hiiiii besties!!!

I said a while back when I announced columba that I would be coming back with another series for both Tumblr and patreon this summer and that time has come :)))))))))))

for the last four years Ive had this idea in my head for a super special h that ive just let build a home in my heart that kept growing and growing and growing! now ive finally had a chance to write it all out and make him real with a fun story and lots of little details to make him who he is!

I don't want to spoil too much about him just because I want there to be a little mystery for him and theres so many fun details that I think will be really fun to put together when you dont' know what he's up to!

so, starting on June 30th, Rosemary will begin being posted with a new part every friday here on Tumblr! Patreon will be getting early access with the first part being posted on June 16th, and every friday after! an extended sneak peek is also up on my patreon rn!

If you are interested in reading the new story, please wait until June 1st to sign up so you only get charged once at the beginning of the month and theres a full 30 days before the next charge!

you can also check out the Pinterest board I made for the fic!

let me know if you guys have any questions about anything! im sooooo excited and cannot wait for you all to read!

under the cut is a sneak peek :)

—————

"Thank you, Harry!" 

The bow girl's chirping gratitude only had Harry looking at her stiffly with a grumbled Yeah falling from his lips. Just as she had done the last couple of months since she made herself a presence during his shifts, she only gave him a smile before bouncing away with her basket only containing a carton of banana milk and her favorite cookies. She was no longer perturbed by the standoffish responses he gave her. Harry couldn't decide if he liked that or not. 

It was like this at least a couple of times a week. She never did a big shop, only stopping by at the later times to pick up individual ingredients for a dinner she had chatted to him about, or little snacks she couldn't seem to go a day without. During at least one of her trips, she found an excuse to talk to Harry; she asked him about his day if she was close enough to feel comfortable starting a question (Harry never gave her a good answer, honestly), she told him about her own day and what she was shopping for if there was anything specific she had in mind. She almost always had a bow pinned her hair, fluttering behind her and matching whatever soft piece of clothing she had cinched around her form. Harry had even began fishing out a pack of her favorite cookies from his boxes if he was stocking that aisle, just to make it easy if she came in and asked him for assistance. It made the interactions quicker and less bothersome—at least that's what he told himself. 

He knew more about her and her routines than he had any of the hundreds of people he'd met in the last handful of years since he started moving around. Even if that did make him feel a bit guilty knowing that she didn't have a clue about who exactly she was sharing these parts of herself with; she didn't know the mess she was tiptoeing around every time she interacted with him. 

Tonight was no different, her leaving a rattling in Harry's bones that he wanted nothing more than to ignore like every other part of his life. If he was superstitious, he would think she could have cast some kind of spell on him with the way she and her little bows lingered in his brain long after she had checked out and gone on her way home. 

That rattling followed him as he made his way into the backroom, his empty box needing to be replaced. An exasperated sigh fought to leave his chest when he saw almost half of the overnight team huddled in the area, puttering about as they chattered and pretended to work. He didn't like being roped into their conversations, and that almost always happened when he ran into more than two of them at once. 

Harry didn't say a word as he broke down the cardboard box on his cart, pushing it off to the pile of the other flattened boxes before he reached for another. The conversations had quieted some when he walked in, but he could still hear what sounded like Brett and Fawn flirting in the back corner with a cart of refrigerated items that needed to go on the opposite end of the store, and Theo talking to two of the other guys that Harry didn't bother to remember their names. 

"Busy night, huh, Harry?" Theo started, dropping whatever topic he had been rambling his friends about just a moment before. 

"Yeah," Harry answered, voice stiff. It wasn't any more busy than any other night as far as he was concerned. Besides, he had other things he needed to worry about to be making conversation with a coworker he barely knew. There was still a pearl colored ribbon tying his stomach in tiny knots that he needed to fix. 

Soon enough, a silence fell through the backroom when the others made their way out. Only Harry and Theo were left, Harry doing his part to semi-organize his chosen box before heading out on the floor again. 

Maybe it was the rattling in his bones, or the vision of a peach colored bow that he saw every time he blinked, but something in Harry felt a little reckless when he peeked over at Theo focusing on his own box. 

"That girl," Harry rumbled, feeling odd in his skin as he spoke, "The one with the bows in her hair... She comes in a lot." 

Theo looked taken aback for a moment, his eyes wide with furrowed brows as he looked in Harry's direction. He even glanced over his shoulder as if there was anyone else there for the conversation to be aimed at. Harry had to keep from scoffing, dropping his gaze back to his working hands. 

Floundering over his words, Theo tried to catch up once he realized Harry was voluntarily talking. "Um, the one with bows in her hair?" 

Harry hummed in response. "She's in a couple of times a week." 

"Ohhh," Theo sounded, familiarity touching his tone, "You mean (Y/N)?" 

Harry swallowed at the sound of her name. He'd never asked for it himself. "If that's her name, yeah." 

From the corner of his eye, Harry could see Theo nodding his head some. "She comes in a lot, yeah. She's not good at keeping a list and always forgets stuff if she tries to do big shops, so she just comes in when she wants something or runs out." 

Though he didn't want this information to mean something to him, Harry felt a part of himself slowing being fulfilled the more details he learned. She didn't tell him these kinds of things when she rambled about her dinner choice for the night. 

Keeping his gaze tacked to his hands, Harry kept his words measured and calculated. "Oh," he started, "Is she from here?" 

"She's lived here forever, yeah. Why?" 

A beat passed as Harry opted to ignore the second part of Theo's response. He didn't need to have any details as to why Harry was asking after someone after working together for five months with only a handful of interactions. Even if he did want to share that, Harry didn't have any answers to that why, anyway. 

"Does she... What does she do?" Harry asked, the phrasing of his words feeling awkward falling out of his mouth. He was lucky he was so used to shielding his emotions and staying stoic, otherwise he would have cringed where he stood. 

"Like for work?" Theo asked, his eyes warm on Harry's profile. 

Lifting his shoulders, Harry only shrugged in response. It was probably a good idea to keep his mouth shut. 

"She—uh—she works at the bakery. She and my sister work there together," Theo told him, acting as if Harry was supposed to know what bakery he was talking about and who his sister was. "(Y/N)'s pretty nice, though." 

"Right," was all Harry offered by the time he finished organizing his box. He didn't bother to give anything more in response or wait for Theo to say more before he was walking out on the floor again. Even when he could feel his eyes stuck to his back.

No doubt would this interaction make its way to the rest of the team before the end of the shift. 

It was harmless curiosity, Harry argued. He just had to believe the harmless part. 

—————

[kmmachilles]

heres the list of my favourite shadowhunter couples from all the series (not including twp for obvious reasons) bc i cant sleep

TID: Gideon n Sophie. I KNOW KNOW EVERYONE LOOVES HERONGRAYSTAIRS I DO TOO THEYRE MY HEART ND SOUL but gideon n sophie man. cmon. theres sweet hurt sophie that thinks men like gideon r assholes bc of her former employers son and will, and gideon REINFORCES that by constantly talking in spanish while hes actually absolutely down BAD for sophie. she thinks shes not good enough for him, her being a mundane 'servant' and 'ugly' from her scarred face and him being the eldest son carrying the great shadowhunter lightwood name. and then hes just there ordering scones to his room just to see sophie, and ending up stashing them under the bed bc he doesn't even LIKE them. and pretty, smart sophie, although FURIOUS at first, goes 'so yea u dont like scones. what about SPONGE CAKES???????? THEYRE MY SPECIALTY' and then he falls so in love with her and proceeds to tell everyone hes marrying her before even proposing to her. i love them.

TLH: Alastair n Thomas. i love love love them not only their pair but them as separate characters too. esp bc the two didnt have the kind of shit the other ships had to deal with like james n cordelia were 'OH HE LOVES GRACE BUT I LOVE HIM / OH I LOVE GRACE BUT IM MARRIED TO CORDELIA / I SHOULD RUN AWAY W MATTHEW / fuck im in love with cordelia.' and lucie n jesse were like 'IM IN LOVE W A GHOST WHO'S THE SON OF A WOMAN WHO HATES MY FAMILY / shes only in love w me bc im a ghost and she likes writing stories so im one of her stories SHE DOESNT REALLY LOVE ME BUT I LOVE HER BUT IM A GHOST SO I CANT *REALLY* LOVE HER PROPERLY LIKE SHE DESERVES' and ari and anna were like 'OH I LOVE HER BUT I WANT KIDS SO I'LL MARRY CHARLES WHO, BTW, IS GAY :3 / OH I LOVE HER but im a stony heartbreaker women, lock your daughters and then yourselves im coming after you / oh my god i cant marry charles I LOVE YOU ANNA TAKE ME BAACK / ha! im stony heartbreaker.' and we all know the problem w matthew n cordelia, and alastair and charles AND grace and christopher (my heart stopped beating i swear to you). like i know Alastair and thomas definitely HAD to overcome some shit but Thomas KNEW he liked guys and alastair and alastair was pr sure about it too so when they got together, they GOT together ykwim??? no hanky panky. plus theres also the 'thomas-is-basically-michelangelos-david' so yea. no brainer. theyre my fav.

TMI: Alec and Magnus. okay so this is for both obvious reasons (fan favourite) and some other personal ones. Living where i do, i had no idea you could like the same gender as yourself or ltr anything about the LGBTQ+ community at all. These two were the first gay ship i had EVER read and they are what lead me to be as confident in my sexuality as i am right now. they introduced me to the concept of thinking beyond what i was told or shown by the people that surround me and look into the world the right way, without projecting judgement. i love them for that. theyre my comfort characters and the one of the biggest reasons i am who i am right now. also magnus is pr much why i adore glitter and i manage to put it on my face every other day ahaha

TDA: Diana n Gwynn. a very, very close second is Mark n Cristina n Keiran. but about Diana and Gwynn, they literally have my entire soul im not even kidding you. Gwyn is the first person Diana opens up to about her transition and its honestly so heartwarming that Gwyn, the leader of the Wild Hunt, known to be vicious and feared by faerie, is literally just there for her to lean on. He supports her and is so, so calm and soft with her it genuinely melts me. like, this man is basically the reaper of souls and he rides a magnificent steed into the night but hes so gentle with Diana. obviously my obsession w them is reinforced by the fact that the FIRST time Gwynn sees Diana he goes 'O' and is all like 'HELLO my fair lady beautiful one gorgeous strong lovely lady' and gives her an acorn like 'call me ;)' and diana my love just, THROWS the acorn to julian and emma and goes 'do w that whatever u will' and acts like she doesnt care and when they call on gwyn he comes to help nd immediately goes '...THAT WASNT FOR YOU but ig i'll help bc ur the magnificent lady's brats :/'

so yes thats it. now pls, whatever fucking ghost is haunting me with these thoughts, PLEASE LET ME SLEEP

[icallhimjoey]

U know I always thought a cute fic idea would be where Joe is on ST set and there’s some riveting scene where he’s rescued from the Upside Down. Yn is the person playing the character but staff have kept Yn hidden from Joe until this point, to build up the suspense and genuine surprise for when he gets rescued in the show. Anyways there’s a riveting scene where Eddie opens his eyes for the first time and yns face is the first thing he sees as she’s in character and “tending” to his wounds. Joe just absolutely immediately smitten like “wow didn’t believe in love at first sight until now” and then as the show filming progresses yn becomes a love interest both on and off screen 😣

the way i felt so awkward writing this because it involves so many people i dont know how to write for, my GOD i hope you like what i've done with it Wordcount: 1.6K

----

Shit, that was hot

“Shh shhhh, guys, guys, this is it, quiet!” you managed to get the room quiet enough for the TV to blare over the chatter that had filled the air all throughout the evening.

“Watch that face,” you heard someone mutter from the other side of the sofa.

“It’s so fucking funny,” someone else replied.

You shot eyes at Joe who sat right next to you. He looked annoyed, like he was about to groan, but simultaneously he couldn’t hide his smile. It was adorable.

On screen, in the last episode of the Netflix series you all played parts in, you were all about to watch Eddie getting rescued from the Upside Down. By you.

It hadn’t been revealed to be you yet – not to the audience, as the scene was still working up to its climax, but also not to Joe or many other cast mates when you’d filmed it. It was the biggest secret you had sat on, and it was so difficult to not tell anyone all throughout filming. It had been one of the latter scenes you shot, so getting to know your cast mates had been fun, but the urge of sharing your exciting knowledge with others – never with Joe, you couldn’t fucking wait to see that face – had been almost too much to handle. There was a reason you’d be in quiet meetings with Matt and Ross so often. You just needed to talk about it with someone, just to get your excited jitters out so you’d be able to hold the news off for longer.

During filming, people had heard that there was a piece of script entirely blacked out.

“Ooh, that’s new.” Natalia had mused when Keery had asked her if Nancy was the one to save Eddie from the Upside Down. Natalia had reacted confused; was Eddie going to be saved from the Upside Down? That hadn’t been in her script.

“But look,” Joe had shown them pages of his script, which had so much blacked out dialogue, directions and even character names, he didn’t even know how he was going to rehearse any of it. "It's just directions for me- for Eddie, and then... it's all this shit. What do I do with this?"

“That’s the point.” Matt had made clear when Joe had gone to him with questions. “It’s such a pivotal part in the episode, we need to build maximum suspense and get your genuine reaction as Eddie.” They had skipped the full chuck at the table read and left everyone fully in the dark.

“You don’t think I can act surprised?” Joe had pressed them, instantly insecure at his abilities and his work up until that point, but Matt didn’t want to discuss it any further.

In make-up, Sadie asked if you’d heard about the surprise scene. You had to do your best to pretend to hear of the news for the first time. Amy and Sarah from the make-up department had listened in and you wondered if they knew – why would they need to, you thought first, but then you realized they’d need to get you ready for it when it was time to shoot. Of course they knew. But they’d kept silent, and Sadie hadn’t suspected a thing.

It almost slipped out of you when you heard Gaten talk to Joe and they were both so sure it was going to have to be Keery, the dude who’d asked pretty much everyone if they were the one that was blacked out. Surely, it was to distract from himself. Some sort of sick power-play, having everyone else talking about it and trying to figure it out as he got to sit back all-knowingly.

The small parts of the pages Joe had shown everyone before being told off by Matt and Ross – “Keep that to yourself, Joe. We hand people individual scripts for a reason.” – were perceived to be at least a little flirty. And who had Eddie been the flirtiest with throughout everything they’d filmed up until that point? Definitely Steve.

The words were so close to rolling off your tongue, wanting to pull Gaten aside and let him in on your secret, just to be able to shoot him looks whenever people would talk about it, just so you wouldn’t be suffering by yourself. But the NDA kept you from spoiling the surprise to anyone.

At the last minute, they had to let Maya know. Just her. She’d be on the call sheet as a distraction as to not give anything away to Joe. She didn’t have any scenes that day – you clearly had, but they kept you under wraps. They got Natalia and Joe Keery ready too, for a scene they had together, which still left Joe in the dark as to what exactly Eddie’s faith would be. And then Joel walked onto set, and Joe thought he knew for sure. “Of course, it’s uncle Wayne!” he said when he hugged him, but Joel didn’t know what he meant, and it left Joe with just as little of an inkling as before.

The day before shooting, and with Maya in on it now, you had to come up with reasons to explain your giggles whenever you’d make eye contact. “Maya broke a chair in the make-up trailer,” you said to Joe when you’d gotten strange looks from him. “Catering is doing a number on me.” Maya had laughed, rubbing her hand over her stomach, prompting you to laugh louder.

Your big watch-party of the series had turned into talking over whatever was happening on screen, reminiscing, and reminding each other of inside jokes, alternating with the odd silence when special effects would overwhelm you all to shut up and watch. And now the moment had come, where Eddie was about to almost miss his chance to get out and survive the alternate dimension. By now everyone knew it had been you who was the blacked out person with the blacked out dialogue and blacked out directions, but that didn’t make watching Joe’s reaction to it less fun.

You remembered everyone’s reaction on set when Joe was made to close his eyes as they called cut for just enough time to get you onto set, into the scene. Some of them had seen you be walked in, and had gasped, and Joe Keery had whispered "I fucking knew it," which had only added to the suspense Joe had felt in that moment. The Duffer brothers knew they could do more shots if they needed to, but the dream was to get it all in first go, just because they hadn’t put so much work into keeping secrets just for them to use a shot that wasn’t that first, true, genuine reaction.

When they called action, Joe needed to keep his eyes closed for longer as two hands managed to grab hold of him and yank him out of the situation he was in before shooting Hopper’s police weapon that your character had stolen from his abandoned house in the woods. You shot it right into the face of whatever monster the Upside Down tried to attack Eddie, which would be put in later by the SFX team.

“Watch his face, watch,” you pointed, as giddy as you could be.

“It’s the line, it’s so good!” Keery slapped his own leg repeatedly in suspense for what he was about to hear.

After the shots were fired, and Joe, as Eddie, had bunched himself up on the ground in self-defense, he had opened his eyes and had seen you, holding that gun, arm outstretched, the bad-assery practically dripping off of you. It had done something to Joe, and so that showed in Eddie’s face too – the cameras had captured it perfectly. “Whoa, I didn’t believe in love at first sight until now,” Joe spoke as Eddie in his heavy American accent, panting from the action scene. You had turned back to look at him, and you chuckled. “We’ve seen each other lots, idiot.” And you’d held out your hand to help him stand. “Exactly. But I just now realized I’ve loved you all along. Shit, that was hot.” And then Joe had pulled you in for a kiss that you had gladly accepted. It was the kind of kiss that felt like it would be the last kiss you’d ever have – like the world was going to end and you didn’t have tomorrow together. You remember being able to feel Joe's heartbeat in his chest, absolutely desperate to beat its way out of his ribcage. The kiss stopped abruptly though when it got called cut on, and had Matt and Ross laughing as they waved for the two of you to stop making out. They hadn’t included the kiss in the show, but everything else had stayed in.

“Shit, that was hot,” Keery quoted Eddie as he watched it, nodding along and his face showed how cool he thought the line was. It had everyone laughing, but Gaten was in hysterics. Joe was so embarrassed, and you took advantage, poking him in the sides as you watched his face scrunch.

“Okay, okay, all right,” Joe tried to calm the room down.

“Best bit of the show,” you cooed, your face too close to his for the company you were in. “Better than dontcha, big boy?” Joe raised his eyebrows at you. You’d gone on about that line endlessly after witnessing Joe ad-lipping it. “Mmmh, maybe not,” you said, leaning in and kissing Joe on the lips. You were instantly met with thrown over pieces of popcorn.

“You’re damn right, it's not.” Joe Keery commented, stuffing the rest of his handful of popcorn into his mouth.

—

The Taglisted: @kiwisa @jasminearondottir @josephquinned @cancankiki @sidthedollface2 @dylanmunson @munsonsgirl71 @alana4610 @emmamooney @xomunson @sadbitchfangirl @jssmth5 @bagelofthelord67 @nobody-000 @lluviamg06 @thatonefan-girl @kylakins88 - add yourself

[a-non-ymouswriter]

Alright, let's talk Rewind (or my MCYT fics)

i think it's time to finally talk about rewind/remix.

or generally, just my mcyt fics in general.

it's been a while since i updated any of them and trust me, i am very much FILLED WITH GUILT over not updating or continuing them- problem is; i just don't have any motivation in them at the moment. my interest and motivation for them have waned, wilted and withered. the three unfortunate ws that arent wins.

i dont want to say i abandoned them, i hate the thought of abandoning ANY STORY and i like the thought of getting back to them at some point. maybe my motivation will come back, it has in the past and that's a great hope to have.

however i am aware that these stories have been gathering dust and it's possible that motivation will never come back and i hate that.

i know partially why i'm no longer interested? partially- it mainly started with techno's death. it just didn't feel the same anymore now that cc!techno was gone, but if things went differently then maybe i could've continued just as normal. but i'm pretty sure my motivation took a great hit when techno died.

another great hit to my motivation is the whole... thing with cc!dream??? WHICH I WILL NEVER EVEN POKE ABOUT, YOU CANNOT MAKE ME, I WILL IGNORE EVERY ATTEMPT. it felt weird writing about c!dream even though i should REALLY be able to separate the two, cc!s are different from fictional c!s and all that but for some reason i just don't feel too comfy writing him right now.

and since my main series of rewind and remix is MAINLY RELATED TO DREAM- you can see my problem here.

the dream smp is done, over, there is no season 2 and my interest in this fandom is only tethered by the occasional fanfic that i stumble upon and the numerous fanarts that come and go. that interest isn't enough to motivate my writing.

a funny thought though, is that i think i spent a LOT of motivation and kind of burnt myself out in the future back when i was DAILY UPDATING REWIND- like i don't know if you readers remember but i was updating DAILY on rewind. every day, FOR ALMOST A MONTH- something that might never happen again really and i'm still kind of proud of that.

but i'm pretty sure it was very unhealthy of me to do daily updates the way i did- it took A POWER OUTAGE to make me stop doing daily updates and i remember STRESSING OVER NOT UPDATING while the power was out. so yeah, i'm pretty sure i set myself up for failure there XD

but i'm so glad that i was able to at least finish rewind. my very first story that i completed. unfortunately i'm not too confident about finishing the rest of the series (and some other fics).

a friend of mine actually suggested something that i've been thinking about from time to time; i give you guys the outline of what COULD have happened. what i was planning on writing and then completing my works.

it sounds like a good idea but i didn't want to let you guys down in just, giving up like that. but nowadays, it sounds like a better and better alternative than to just wait for my motivation and interest to come back. it's almost been a year already for wishes and family, and remix, i managed to update stream labs a few months ago so that's hopeful but the others...

okay, i'm going to give YOU GUYS the choice here. i'll tell the ao3 readers about it as an important update author's note, but im going to make a poll about this choice soon and i'll even pin it on my tumblr.

it'll last- maybe two weeks? but yeah, it's the least i can do to see what you guys want.

EDIT: polls apparently only last a week, so it'll be up a week.

[malachiexists13]

Gay Or Nay?: Ikemen Series Edition

86% voted yes, 14% voted no, so here’s the post. Reminder that these are MY impressions of the characters, and this is entirely a joke. No need to take me too seriously. If you disagree with me, that’s fine. No need to argue, just make your own post. 

Also small spoilers for my ikemen ocs series.

------------------------------------------------

Ikemen Sengoku

Nobunaga Oda 

Have you SEEN his right and left hand men? He’s either an ally or bi-curious. Can’t decide. 

Masamune Date 

He flirts with Mai to hide his homosexuality /j 

Nah, I’ve seen how he admitted that he’d kiss Nobunaga. He’s gay. Bisexual if you please, but gay. 

Mitsuhide Akechi 

Is that even a question? Have you somehow not seen the way he flirts with Hideyoshi? Let’s be honest, he’s bisexual. 

Keiji Maeda 

Idk him well enough to judge that. 

Hideyoshi Toyotomi 

I know a lot of people are going to want me to say Hideyoshi is gay because of Mitsuhide... But honestly, Hideyoshi gives me the vibes of someone who says gay shit without realizing its gay. He seems more like a very supportive ally to me. 

Ieyasu Tokugawa 

Idk but I can see him as like, panromantic or something. He also screams femboy to me but we dont talk about that 

Mitsunari Ishida 

Confused ally <3 

Ranmaru Mori 

Confused ally pt.2 + closeted ace 

Yoshimoto Imagawa 

Gay (they try to push so hard that he’s pretty, and no straight man is supposed to be that pretty /j) 

Sasuke Sarutobi 

Nerdy gay 

Kanetsugu Naoe 

Either indifferent so like, some kind of mspec or somewhere on the ace spectrum, maybe both, not too sure 

Yukimura Sanada 

Awkward gay (secretly dating nerdy gay) 

Kenshin Uesugi 

That one token straight guy who no one is completely sure that he’s straight or not. 

Shingen Takeda 

In my brain, major flirt = major bisexual so- 

Kicho 

I’ve seen other people write him as like, indifferent or pansexual so I’m leaning towards that 

Kennyo 

Wdym? He’s homophobic- (THIS IS A JOKE. NO HATE TOWARDS KENNYO) 

Motonari Mouri 

Kinda gives me either disaster bisexual or ace/aro vibes. 

Ikemen Revolution

Lancelot Kingsley 

Gay but in the closet about it 

Jonah Clemence 

Confession time: I thought he was a woman at first LMAO- 

Gay 

Edgar Bright 

He’s straight and an ally, but enjoys teasing the others 

Zero 

I dont think he’d care tbh 

Kyle Ash

Didnt realize he was gay until after he started dating his boyfriend 

Ray Blackwell 

His whole thing about freedom and living how you want to or whatever makes me think he’s bi 

Sirius Oswald 

He’s an ally <3 

Luka Clemence 

Shy gay 

Fenrir Godspeed 

Overly supportive ally (especially since his gf is MTF) 

Seth Hyde 

Everyone thinks he’s gay, but correction he’s pan 

Harr Silver 

He’s pansexual 

Loki Genetta 

I dont know him well enough?? 

Blanc Lapin 

He’s straight, maybe a little curious tho 

Oliver Knight 

He’s another ally, gives me the vibes of someone who would punch a homophobe in the face for insulting his friend 

Mousse Atlas 

I chronically forget he exists, so idk 

Dean Tweedle 

The gay twin 

Dalim Tweedle 

The straight twin that gets confused for the gay one 

Ikemen Vampire

Napoleon Bonaparte 

As far as I’m aware, in history he had two different wives and he kissed the tsar (even apparently said if the tsar was a woman, he’d make him his mistress soo--) Napoleon definitely isn’t straight 

Mozart 

He’s straight and hates everyone equally (/j) 

Leonardo da Vinci 

Gay 

Arthur Conan Doyle 

WHORE- this is a disaster bisexual 

Vincent van Gogh 

the supportive straight brother 

Theodorus van Gogh 

the angry gay brother 

Isaac Newton 

Too anxious to question his sexuality 

Jean d’Arc 

I like to joke that he’s bi but denies it because he hates men 

William Shakespeare 

not too sure tbh 

Osamu Dazai 

another disaster bisexual 

Comte de Saint-Germain 

I feel like he’d be omni. Like he doesn’t care, but still has a slight preference. Also supportive father figure <3 

Sebastian 

Serious gay 

Vlad 

I pondered on this one for a long time.. and I still have no answer 

Johann Georg Faust 

Closeted gay who suffers with internal homophobia (i literally wrote a oneshot for him where this was the main premise-) 

Charles-Henri Sanson 

another bi guy 

Ikemen Prince 

Leon Dompteur 

straight but supportive 

Chevalier Michel 

Bro, it’s CANON that he’s pansexual (I think- idk. I played his route when it first came out in english so its been awhile) 

Yves Kloss 

I feel like he’s bi but doesnt really talk about it 

Nokto Klein 

He’s too slutty to be ONLY into women 

Licht Klein 

Straight but an ally 

Clavis Lelouch 

gay ass clown 

Jin Grandet 

Straight 

Luke Randolph 

I HAVE NO IDEA???? 

Sariel Noir 

I feel like he’s straight but also an ally, like he doesn’t care but absolutely will NOT tolerate homophobia 

Rio Ortiz 

unsure. 

Gilbert von Obsidian 

Silly little gay man <3 I can see him as like, pan or something. 

Keith Howell 

Excluding his “other” side.. I can see Keith as straight, but a supportive ally 

Silvio Ricci 

He’s homophobic (secretly not straight but in denial) 

[rainstops]

prev. | m.list | next > 03 one look was enough

NOTES sorry this took so long, school is really taking it out of me, and to be honest i am also working on a whole different series at the same time which is also a lot of fun to write. also try counting all the hamilton references in this

scaramouche x fem!reader summary: youre an actor excited for the next movie youre going to play in, since you got one of the two main roles. you were excited, until you found out that scaramouche got casted as the other main character. and to your dismay its a romance movie.

taglist: @featuredtofu @aeongiies @veekoko @luciledreamz @lovemari @xtobefreex

As soon as you entered the room, a few eyes fell on you. „[name]!! You’re finally here!!“ Yanfei called from her director chair. You waved her and walked over to her, desperately hoping that you wouldn’t come across a certain someone yet. But your hopes faded quickly as soon as you looked into a specific corner of the room. There he was, sitting on one of the chairs eyes on his phone. Scaramouche had either pretended not to notice you walking in, or he really did not see you yet. Either way, you weren’t planning on interacting with him anymore than you had to.

„Yanfei!! Hi how are you?“, your voice called over to the director. Scaramouches head shot up at the sound of your voice.

His whole body tensed up as he slowly turned to look at you talking to Yanfei.

There you were, with your stupid face, your stupid [ec] eyes, and your stupid [hc] hair. Let alone the look of a smile on your face mad him want to strangle you. if he could strangle you, he would.

Thats when you noticed him too. seriously, one look was enough to almost make you drive back home right then and there. no cap.

Yanfei jumped up from her chair. "Alright, is everyone present?", and as it seemed everyone was present. And with that, the first few stages of recording began.

to say it was an unpleasent situation you were in, was an insulting understatement. before coming here, you were thinking about how you just hoped it would be awkward, rather than to have the urge to jump at scaramouches neck and wring all the air out of him.

he pointed out every single mistake you made, and if that wasnt enough, he also made fun of you. wether you forgot a line, stuttered, forgot where to go, didnt hear someone correctly, or literally anything he could find. you thought of doing the same to him, but your mom always told you, that if you repeat someones mistakes - even in defence - youre not any better than the person who made the mistake. your dad always disagreed with her, but they disagreed over these kinds of things a lot.

"you stuttered again", scaramouche crossed his arms in front of his chest. "cut!", was heard from someone. if scaramouche would stop pointing out all your mistakes, you wouldve progressed much further already.

you sighed. "you know if you would just stop interrupting the recording, we would be much further already? seriously, no one pays attention to minor stutters, and even if theyre a big problem, we can just record the scene a second time you know" scaramouche scoffed. "is it so wrong that i care about this movie being properly done?", that was clearly not his objective, and the both of you wer every aware of that, while you glared into his eyes, and he just smirked back.

"okay guys, can we keep it going?", you could tell that everyone on set was starting to get annoyed with your bickering.

yet it wasnt even a minute, where scaramouche interrupted you again. "that wasnt the exact wording of your line" seriously?! small changes dont matter!

"seriously, why do you assume youre the smartest in the room?! small. mistakes. dont. matter.", you repeated once again. "I'm not assuming that i'm the smartest", scaramouche shrugged. "soon that attitude will be your doom, i promise you that", you whispered more to yourself than to scaramouche, yet he still heard it.

"okay guys, why dont we just take a break?", yanfei suggested. you sighed. thank god yanfei was your savior in need.

you sat down in a quiet corner of the room, when you saw miko. you had your hair styled by childe, because miko was apparently coming later, due to an emergency.

"miko!! youre finally here!", you called her over. "hey there [name]! how has everything been so far", she asked you. you only needed to look at her once, to say that everything has gone just how you expected it.

"lets not talk about that", you looked at her with a pained expression. "why did you only arrive now?" "becauseeee, one of my cousins gave birth!", she said with a big smile on her face. "oh my- really? im so happy for her! congrats!!" idk how to spell congratioulations. "theres actually also something ive been meaning to ask you...", miko started. "hm? whats that?" "soo... my cousin is inviting everyone to a restaurant to celebrate, and she really likes your acting, and when she found out im friends with you, she wanted me to ask you if you would like to come?" a big smile made its way on your face. "of course i would like to come!" "great! ill let her know!"

to your disappointment, the rest of the day continued just like how it had before. still, the invitation you received was keeping you somewhat sane. you were excited to get to know mikos cousin, and to celebrate with anyone who will be invited.

[cheylouwho]

i’ve been thinking about this a lot lately and i want to hear someone from SPHS’s thoughts.

i know you’ve noticed the “tiktok” fan base- the ones that only watch clips of the show and then say they’re fans. i read one of your posts talking about these types of fans and making blatantly incorrect headcanons. that’s something that bugs me, but another thing that bugs me is the fact i do not believe south park is tiktokable. i’ll use family guy as a comparison for my points.

first of all, compared to family guy, the humor is different, pretty much everything they explained in the cartoon wars two parter explains what i mean, m&t are not fans of interchangeable jokes and are able to give characters emotional progression throughout the episode. that’s one huge factor, i hope you get what i’m trying to imply with that. m&t are passionate about their story telling and it pays off in their episodes. i know not EVERY SINGLE joke follows this, but there are jokes made better by understanding the characters and the circumstance of the episode. the episodes work best in their entirety. (that was difficult to explain so i fear it can be misinterpreted easily)

the characters are another thing i want to mention. i watched the episode TSST with two friends awhile ago, one of which who had never seen an episode and didn’t understand cartmans character. she kept asking questions about him, or said how weird his hitler obsession was. the other friend hadn’t finished south park and said he hated cartmans character and it’s hes one of the bad pieces of the show. i believe even if you don’t like cartman as a personal preference thing, you should at least appreciate him as a character and his placement, it’s hard to understand him (despite us watching an episode that really dives into him, they still didn’t know much about him before). with family guy, one episode is enough to grasp the character, hell, even a single scene is i’d say, while m&t are very good at developing and fleshing out character personalities over time. it’s why they can pull off making sad episodes (like kenny dies and assburgers), heartwarming episodes (like tweek x craig and even bits of episodes like in raisins) all while still being a comedy show. they understand how to make the characters react in a way that can make you feel something while maintaining a good amount of jokes in the episode.

i dont know, theres more i could add but i’m just writing whatever comes to mind first so it might make no sense or it might be wrong. also, i’m by no means an old fan. i’ve rewatched the series quite a few times, watched commentaries, researched through wiki pages and am constantly trying to better my knowledge of the show, but i know i’m not quite there yet and could just be making a mistake GAHAH

No anon, I actually totally get this and agree 100%. SP as a show is not something that works well with out of context clips (and even then, the ones that do work are usually from very early in an episode before the plot fully gets established and stakes as drawn). Until pre s18 when they started soft continuity (and then s19-21s full continuity, after that is a whole other discussion entirely), the shows syndicated nature did make it easier to hop into any episode and watch it in its entirety and enjoy it without much prior knowledge of the show or it's characters. However, even then, you really needed to watch the *whole* episode to get the big picture of it's message.

And I get it, SP full length episodes are not as accessible as they once were. People these days don't know how or aren't willing to pirate things if they don't have the streaming service SP is hosted on, and beyond that, south park used to be free to watch on their website. Like, that's how I ended up catching up on the show when I finally decided to take it all in other than a handful of episodes and scenes I'd seen during my childhood back in 2013. It was all entirely available (save for Super Best Friends, 200 and 201, which I had to go track down on other websites) for free, with ads unless you used an ad blocker, right at your fingertips. And that's how M+T wanted SP to be consumed, because they explicitly noted that they didn't care about making money on streamed episodes, they cared about getting their show out there. (I will have to go find that interview, I know it's somewhere).

But still, regardless of that, you're right. SP is not something that you can consume short form as a brief tiktok video, and that's why I think we have newer fans with such big gaps in knowledge that seem like they would be easy to fill in. It's not that they're being willfully ignorant, they're just being fed a very piecemeal version of the show through social media, which is how we get people thinking Pip is a he//llpa//rk OC (augh!!! dont get me started) instead of realizing this dude was actually in the fucking show, or headcanons that are very easy to contradict with canon itself by watching like 3 episodes. That's not me knocking HCs btw, go wild and do whatever you want, but these people don't even know it's ooc, and that's a little troublesome. I've made some outlandish character decisions in the past but I at least KNEW they were not evidence based.

What that means for the fandom down the road I don't know, and its made a lot of discussion and analysis more shallow-- it's so hard outside of my SPHS friend group to find good breakdowns these days. I'm hoping maybe something will change, but who knows.

TLDR fuck tiktok and its watering down of media

[burnyouwithacigarettelighter]

Omg I’m so happy you replied!! I definitely have more questions.

1. What Cillian character do you like writing about the most and why?

2. What story from your master list are you most proud of?

3. Do you personally have any fic recommendations/ must reads? Other sites included.

4. What gets you inspired to write? Following that question have you ever abandoned a fic?

5. What do you think made you a better writer? If you have any doubts about your work, how do you get past it enough to continue?

6. Is there a Cillian character that you just don’t like, or aren’t interested in watching/ writing about? (Sorry if that’s a loaded question)

omg thank u so much for this!!! i srsly love interacting w u guys, tysm for the thought provoking questions😄🙌

i think i like writing most about robert fischer:) ik it probably doesnt translate considering ive written most for jonathan crane but robert fischer is just such a little sweetheart to me,,, and can go both ways in being a sassy dom douchebag or being a sobbing daddy issues sub darling LOLLL i just think he has a lot of duality to delve into and develop (which ive definitely not done so far☠️) and it helps that his characterization in inception was also very surface level— i have a lot of wiggle room y’know??

i think im most proud of “dine & dash” which im aware probably no-one has read, but getting chris o’doyle’s sassy little dialogue down was like taming a wild beast,,, otherwise, considering my more well-known work, i rly liked writing “honey, i’m home”. i go crazy for the unhinged readers (if u couldnt alrdy tell lmaooo) and seeing jackson get messed with like that was a real treat.

i seriously just recommend anything by @mypoisonedvine,,, they’re literally genius & are the reason i started writing for cillian:)!! other mentions include kitten fics by @pictureinme and, a personal fave, @floralcyanidee’s jackson rippner mile-high club fic!!! these writers are all incredibly talented and im just blown away at their work every single time🫶

my thirst is such a big motivator for writing LMAO😭i wrote “guinea pig” ‘cus i wanted to absolute wreckkk jonathan crane and have him be a sub, and i got a 6.8k words long fic out of said thirst! music & book quotes motivate me a lot too— i spend sm time digging thru my pinterest for a good quote for the beginning of my fic its actually insane☠️and yes,,, im ashamed to say ive abandoned fics numerous times,,, but thats because they were series’, not oneshots. i get bored of series’ pretty quickly, ‘cause i feel kind of trapped by the initial dynamic or mood set in the first chapter. with oneshots, its like writing one long chapter of this trope and this kink or whatever and then its done, and i dont have to exhaust myself going back to tropes or kinks or storylines ive already done.

i think reading made me a better writer. expanding my vocabulary through the words of others was a biggie; seeing something be described in a certain way in someones story had me thinking of out-of-the-box ways to describe another thing (that doesn’t make much sense but lets pretend it does😭). i have many, many doubts about my work, like constantly, but i usually just suck it up. i sound like an attention whore but seeing the reposts & comments & tags on my other work reminds me people like what i’ve written before and certain people will enjoy what ive written now, so i should just finish my work for them. i also take like 100 years rereading my stuff until i think its good enough lmao,,,

ive kinda watched his whole roster of films (atleast ones i could actually find on the internet and not gone missing as a lost piece of media lmao) and i could probably write for any cillian character given i had a good idea and proper motivation. writing for certain characters is definitely harder for me to do though, so its likely i wont write for them/will take a long time to do so. an example is lenny miller— anna was such an insufferable movie to me, and lenny’s screentime wasn’t long at all, atleast not long enough for me to properly grasp his character. he just felt like a horny hardass fbi goof the whole time i could not take his 5’7 ass seriously😭cillian is smexy as hell in anna tho, so we’ll see😈another would probably be robert capa from sunshine,,, hes beautiful and deliciously musty in that but the whole spaceship setting kinda freaks me out (considering i know 0 zilch nada about space, spaceships, or anything of the sort, so it’d definitely be inaccurate). an au with him id definitely do, though! (with that hair of his my mind is already forming a 90s band au, guitarist!capa x singer!reader story…)

again thank u so much for these questions!! i feel like i rarely get to chat to u guys so this was well appreciated😄🫶thank you so much for reading, for sending these questions in, and for being an overall sweetheart, anon!