#i was already terrible at sleeping and had no communication with my bladder before my mother died

[somecunttookmyurl]

and yes everyone at the time did try and peg this as some trauma response to my my mum dying when i was 6 and therapise me out of it like. cool theory! unfortunately you see i was Like This when she was alive

the very cool not at all annoying thing about having a parental death (or i guess really any singular major traumatic event? probably?) when you're very young is that people will literally blame every problem on that for the rest of your life forever. if you had symptoms syndrome before no you didn't

[forever-rogue]

if your still accepting prompts, maybe an introspect fic with Frankie or Whiskey. Like they find out that their s/o is pregnant and it just triggers them into reminiscing about their life together. Maybe fluff/angst— my thought was maybe them thinking back to when they almost broke up and if they hadn’t gotten back together, then they wouldn’t be expecting a child together right now -🦔

Pairing: Jack Daniels x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 2k

Warnings: pregnant reader

Pedro Character Masterlist

»»————-　♡　————-««

A heavy sigh escaped your lips as you woke up, yet again, in the middle of the night as your bladder screamed at you. A hand went to your burgeoning belly as you tenderly cradled it. You wanted to be annoyed, but you couldn't find it in your heart to be so. Despite the multiple wake-ups throughout the night, you couldn't have been happier.l

You didn't bother to look to make sure you didn't wake your sleeping husband, needing to get to the bathroom quickly. Throwing the blankets back, you slid out from them and padded to the bathroom in search of the toilet. 

As you finished washing your hands, you studied yourself in the mirror. You definitely looked tired, circles and lines under your eyes from a lack of fitful slumber, and your body felt heavy. It wasn't just the fact that you were nearing the end of your pregnancy, it was just that your limbs felt tired and worn down. But in the end, you knew it would all be worth it - you and Jack had both wanted this more than anything. It had been the most pleasant of surprises.

"Time for you to calm down and get some rest," you whispered softly to your belly before flipping the lights back off and giving your eyes a moment to adjust the early morning darkness. 

Carefully fumbling your way back into the bedroom, you slipped back into the warm nest of blankets. Reaching for you Jack's body, you quickly realized that he wasn't there. Strange - he'd gone to bed with you earlier. It was no matter, you quickly decided, he'd probably rejoin you soon enough.

But as you laid there and tried to fall back asleep…it rapidly became a futile effort. You huffed, staring at the ceiling, as you quickly realized how much easier it was to sleep with your husband next to you.

“Alright, alright,” sitting up slowly, you wiped the remaining bit of sleep from your eyes as you gave up on it entirely. It was still early, early enough to where you could crawl back under the covers and sleep for a few more hours, but that idea was quickly abandoned, “let’s go find your daddy, little peanut.”

Shuffling into slippers, you made your way down the stairs, one at a time as you were destined to do so these days, keeping an ear out for Jack. Once you reached the landing, the smell of fresh coffee overwhelmed you, and the urge to run and grab a cup was first on your mind. But for now, you decided against it, knowing your caffeine intake was limited and not wanting to blow it so early in the day. 

Trapezing past the kitchen you spied the french doors to the back porch and quickly came to the conclusion that Jack was outside. Grabbing one of the blankets from the couch, you wrapped it around your shoulders and wandered outside, finding your favorite cowboy sitting at the glass table, a steaming mug of coffee in his hand as he watched the early morning sun slowly rise.

“Hi Sugar,” his face lit up as soon as he saw you, dark eyes softened and his dimple became more prominent, “what are you doing up so early? I hope I didn’t wake you.”

“It wasn’t you,” you promised as you sat down in the chair across from, well...I woke up and had to pee...again, and then I couldn’t go back to sleep. It’s not the same without you. So I figured I might as well get up, and low and behold, I found my favorite person.”

“I hardly am deserving of such a little as favorite person,” he shook his head as reached for your legs and placed them in his lap, “I’m just an old fool.”

“Shut up,” you snorted as you bundled up and got comfortable, “I say you’re my favorite person and you accept that - or else! But tell me, my love, why are you up so early?”

“I suppose I couldn’t sleep either,” he admitted, taking a long drink from his coffee before setting it back on the table. He was silent, almost still, for a few long moments before he put his hands on your legs and lightly massaged your sore muscles, “a lot on my mind.”

“I hope it’s nothing too bad, cowboy,” you whispered softly, “anything I can help with?”

“You’ve already done so much for me,” he reached for your hand and gave it a gentle squeeze, “you have given me so much and more. I don’t know where I would be without you - how lucky I am to call you my wife and the mother of my child.”

“And what about me? I must be pretty lucky then too,” lacing your fingers together, you studied your hands. Yours just managed to fit perfectly into his - just like it was meant to be, “is that all that’s bugging you, Honey?”

“I just…” he caught your eye and thought twice about dismissing your worry. You could always see right through him, and it seemed like your senses had only heightened with your pregnancy. He laughed lightly at himself before nodding, “I was just thinking about how we almost didn’t have this. How all of this could have been taken away.”

“I know,” you reminded him with a gentle nudge, “there were a few times when I wasn’t sure we would make it either. But I’m glad we did, Jack. I know it sounds horribly cliche, but I can’t help but think that somehow the universe wanted us together, like we were meant to be.”

“I don’t think that’s cliche at all, Sugar,” he brought your hand to his lips and pressed a gentle kiss to your knuckles, “I don’t know what life would be like without you. You really are everything to me.”

“I like to think life would be terribly boring and much worse,” you insisted, “nothing is better than when I’m with you. I love you, Jack.”

“I love you too,” he promised softly, “always and forever.”

»»————-　♡　————-««

Several Years Prior

“Sugar,” Jack’s hands were on his hips as he watched you flit about the room and throw random items into your suitcase. Whatever you could find was thrown into the big case and you could barely stand to look at him, “what on earth are you doing?”

“What does it look like, Jack?” you stopped for a moment and huffed at him, throwing up your hands in exasperation, “I’m leaving. I-I-I can’t do this anymore.”

“Honey,” he came over and tried to gently grab your hands in order to help calm you down and ground you, “just slow down, it’s okay. It’s okay, you don’t have to do this.”

You didn’t jerk out of his touch like he had half expected you to, but instead you acquiesced to his touch, “Jack...I can’t...do this. It’s too much for me, and no matter how much we try, I don’t think we can work this out.”

“Honey…”

“Jack…” you looked at him, tears already welling up in your eyes as your pouted lips trembled, “you work such a dangerous job and you’re gone so often and when you’re gone I can’t communicate with you all the time, and it makes me worried sick. All I do is wonder if you're okay, and if this is the time...if this is the time that I’ll get a call tell me...telling me you’re dead.”

“That is never going to happen,” he insisted, despite the fact that both of you knew it wasn’t a promise he was qualified to make, “nothing will happen to me, Sugar. I will always come back to you.”

“And what if you don’t?” a single pearled up in the corner of your eye and slowly slid down your cheek. Jack tenderly wiped it away and cradled your face in his hands, “what if you leave me one day? I can’t think of a life without you. I don’t want that. And you’ve been gone so much lately...this is the first time you’ve been home in what? Weeks?”

“I know this isn’t easy on you. I know that, and you are the strongest woman I know to - to stay and put up with me? That must make you some kind of superhero,” he chuckled softly at the surprised expression on your face, “I know it seems like some sort of last ditch thing to say to you but I’ve been thinking about this a lot.”

“About what, Jack?”

“I’m going to start cutting back my hours at work,” he said and instantaneously your face lit up, “it’s something I’ve been talking a lot about with Champ, and I think the time is right. I mean, I’m not getting any younger, and I don’t want things to always be like this. I want to spend my time - and my life - with you. And hell, if cutting back or even quittin’ is what keeps you here, I will do it. I love you, Sugar. And I only want you.”

“Jack, Honey,” you caught his eye and there was a twinkle in this, as a tentative smile tugged on his features, “I-I don’t want you to say that or do something like that if you don’t want to. I don’t want this if it’s something you don’t want either, or it's something you’ll be upset about forever.”

“It’s not that,” he leaned in, just so where your lips were barely brushing, “I want to do this, Sugar. I’ve been thinking about this for a long time. I want this, I really do. I only want a future if it’s a future with you.”

“Jack…” his name was but a mere before you closed the miniscule gap and kissed him. It was a soft, tender thing, short but sweet, “I love you.”

“I love you too,” he whispered, “I know we’ve talked about it...but I want to take the next step in our relationship with you...I want to marry you and start that family we’ve always talked about.”

“Y-you want that...with me?” Jack felt his heart start to melt as you looked up at him with the sweetest eyes he had ever seen, “do you mean it?”

“Of course I do,” he promised, “I’ve been trying to plan this whole big thing where I propose to you - properly - and we spend a romantic weekend away together. But when I saw this...I knew I couldn’t not say anything…”

“Yes,” you nodded eagerly, “of course I’ll marry you, and of course I want everything with you too, Jack. You’re my only one. I just...I might have been acting in haste, but it’s just...I want you to be safe.”

“I will be,” he reminded you, “I’ve been thinking about this for some time, and I think the time is right. I don’t have the ring here on me right now, but I promise I’ll make do on a good, proper proposal soon - when you’re not even expecting it.”

“I look forward to that, Cowboy,” you teased lightly as you offered him another quick kiss, “I’m sorry I acted so rashly. I just…”

“No apologies needed, Sugar,” he wrapped you up in his arms as you buried your face into his shoulder, “I love you.”

“I love you,” you agreed softly, “thank you for this - for everything. We really do make a good time, don’t we?”

“Just like we were divined to be, if I do say so myself.”

»»————-　♡　————-««

“Come on, Sugar,” Jack slowly moved your legs off and set them on the ground. You gave him a look of confusion as he slowly stood up and offered you his hand, “it’s chilly out here. Let’s get back into bed and get you a few more hours of sleep.”

“Hmm,” you let him help hoist you to your feet, “that sounds perfect, Jack. You’re my favorite blanket!”

“Ulterior motives,” he chuckled as he slowly pulled you inside and towards the bedroom, “whatever you want, you’ll have it, Sugar.”

“Just you is plenty,” you grinned at him, “but I’ll take some breakfast later on too. A lazy day sounds pretty good, don’t you think?”

“Sounds perfect to me, Sugar.”

»»————-　♡　————-««

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[fireinmywoods]

Whenever you (gleefully) describe Jim's octopus-like sleeping preferences, we often see Bones complaining about how hard it is to escape when he has to pee. But how often is he getting up to pee in the night? Does he need to get this checked out, or is he really just an old man in body AND spirit?

I actually went back and fact-checked myself on this, wondering what exactly I’ve been communicating about poor Leonard’s urological health! It is indeed established in septenary that Leonard sometimes needs to get up to pee at night and that Jim makes this exceedingly difficult, but the phrasing leaves the frequency of these incidents rather open to interpretation, so allow me to clarify that it was intended to imply that this might happen at most once a night, and not necessarily every night.

In Leonard’s defense (and, frankly, my own), it's not abnormal to sometimes need to get up to pee once during the night, especially if you’re of a certain age and keep yourself well hydrated, and especially if, like Leonard and Jim, you're in the habit of frequently having a drink or two before bed. (Alcohol is a diuretic, meaning it makes you have to pee more, and as a health professional who works on sleep hygiene I feel obligated to advise you that it also disrupts REM sleep and overall negatively impacts your sleep quality and how rested you feel the next day.)

Now, it may not seem like getting up just once per night would be such an onerous task, but consider this:

You drift into a hazy awareness, heavy with lingering sleep, a touch overheated where the back of your neck meets the pillow and in the hundred places your lover's bare skin meets yours. His legs are twined through your own, his leaden arm is belted securely over your middle, his cheek is hot against your shoulder, and all along your side are plastered the slack skin-warm weight of chest and ribs and gently rising belly.

You're comfortable. You shouldn't be, maybe, but this is the least of the paradoxical contradictions you've had cause to reckon with since Jim Kirk came careening into your life, and all things considered you've decided it doesn't especially warrant fretting over. Jim sleeps like a boa constrictor that opted for a mid-meal nap, suffocatingly strong and entirely immovable, and you've never slept better in your life. Chalk it up as yet another mystery of the unfathomable universe.

You do kind of need to empty your bladder, though. It's nothing terribly urgent, but it's there, and you know it'll only grow more pressing by morning, when Jim will be drowsy-sweet and playful, offering and inviting the sort of languorous physical affection you find most difficult to resist. You'll want to laze around with him then, indulging in his idle touches, soaking up the easy intimacy of your bodies wound together, admiring the smoothness of his skin and the arcs of his comet trails as he hums and preens under your hands - and in order to grant your morning self that luxury, your groggy midnight self needs to take the hit and get up to use the head.

It really ought not to be such an ordeal. Unlike some other nights in recent memory, you're not obliged to step away from your campfire into the treacherous dark of a screeching alien jungle, nor to make profoundly awkward conversation with a chatty royal attendant before being admitted into the (God help you) communal relief chamber. Your own private, sanitized bathroom is only steps away, and making use of it will be a matter of less than a minute.

It would be one thing if you could slip unnoticed from the bed, the way you’ve done countless times before with past partners - if you could simply ease Jim down to the mattress and leave him resting peacefully in a heap of pale skin and fluttering eyelashes while you went and took care of business. You might even tuck a pillow into his arms to curl around in your absence, reassure him with a stroke to his lightly furrowed brow that you weren’t going far, and when you returned you'd gather him back against you with a sigh or a snuffle and drop near instantly back into the deep slumber that's still teasing at the edges of your reluctant consciousness.

Yeah, that would be nice. But, of course, nothing where Jim’s involved can ever be that easy.

You begin by levering your numb arm away from Jim's back, wincing at the stinging start of pins and needles, and even as you’re flexing your prickling fingers Jim is already registering his discontent, huddling even more tightly against your side with a low noise of distress, as though you'd thrown off a blanket to expose him to a biting winter chill.

You attempt to shift sideways, hoping against all reason and precedent that you might be able to slide free of Jim's grasp without needing to grapple with him, only to find yourself caged in still more inescapably by Jim's tensing limbs. He makes another sound, complaint and injury, the wounded cry of a man forsaken.

"Jim," you sigh, because at this point it's clear you're not getting away without verbal negotiation. You jiggle your tingling arm and shoulder under him, trying to jostle him into something resembling conscious reasoning. "Wake up."

“Mrmph.” Jim nuzzles your shoulder, obstinate and sweet, frustrating your efforts to muster up some nice productive impatience with him. Lord, how much simpler everyone’s lives would be if this recalcitrant little bastard weren’t so charming in his defiance.

“I gotta take a leak, kid. Loosen up some.”

This does seem to register. Jim grumbles another sulky noise into your shoulder, but his arm retracts slowly and grudgingly back over your belly, and his legs stir against yours in a feeble attempt at disentangling.

You take advantage of his weakened grip and ease yourself out of his clutches, rolling toward the edge of the bed and heaving your legs over to propel yourself into something resembling a seated position, and with your feet now firmly on the cool floor you think to yourself get a move on and now’s your chance and sooner you go sooner you can get back, all too aware that if you hesitate or look back now you’ll be trapped again.

So you get up and go, trudging across the short distance to the head, and when you’ve done your business and shuffled back it’s to find Jim still awake, as he always is, a familiar blurry-edged silhouette in the two percent light. As many times as you play out this scene, your fool heart still pangs a bit at the sight: the faint glint of his eyes seeking you out in the dark, the unspoken plea of his arm outstretched across your side of the bed.

“Budge over,” you say, though there’s plenty of space, because it’s the middle of the goddamn night and that’s no kind of time to allow yourself to feel any type of way about how Jim won’t sleep without you.

Jim draws his arm back some, a perfunctory concession, as much for show as your little pantomime of grievance as you pour your weary bones into bed and find yourself captured once more by the strangling embrace of the man you pray to God never stops reaching for you in the night.

[doc-pickles]

i’ll be home for christmas

Oh look, I remembered to post! Welcome to another week of “tis the season for two dumb bitches” starring me and @odd-birds-and-booksellers​ I decided to write for Hesitate this week. It’s short (I wanted to add more but my brain hurts and I am tired) but fluffy! Enjoy :)

    “I know I’ve come the past few years, but since everything with Izzie happened my life has kind of… imploded. I will do my best to be there, mom. I know, I love you too. Bye.”

  Alex let out a groan as he pushed open the door to the house he shared with Jo and Harper. He’d already had a long day and his mother calling and badgering him about his Christmas plans was not something that helped his growing frustration. As he walked into the living room he noted that the house was much quieter than usual, Jo and Harper were usually already making a fair amount of noise around the house by now. He knew they were home, Jo’s car was parked in the driveway and the lights around the house were on. 

  “Jo? Harper? Where are you guys,” Alex called out but didn’t get a response, his heart rate quickening when he didn’t see either his wife or daughter downstairs. He took the stairs two at a time, checking Harper’s room and finally sighing in relief as he walked into the master bedroom. 

  Laid out across their bed, Jo and Harper were both sleeping soundly. Harper was curled around Jo’s growing baby bump, her dark curls splayed out around her as quiet snores left her mouth. Alex took his shoes off and set them in the closet before sitting next to Jo, her eyes cracking open to look up at him. 

  “She wouldn’t nap unless I laid down with her,” Jo ran her fingers through Harper’s hair as Alex leaned down to press a kiss against her cheek. “How was your day?” “Shitty. Work sucked and then my mom called asking if I was coming out for Christmas,” Alex let one hand drop to Jo’s belly, waiting only a few seconds before a kick met his hand. “I told her I’d think about it, I haven’t exactly explained to her what happened since I moved back home. I don’t wanna overwhelm her…” 

  Turning to face Alex, Jo raised her eyebrows at her husband, “So you haven’t told her about Harper and I?”

  “You make it sound like I’m hiding you guys,” Alex smirked, bringing his hand up to run through Jo’s hair. “I haven’t told her anything and I’d love to go visit, but this will be my first Christmas with Harper and I don’t want to miss that. I’ve missed enough already.”

  Jo reached one hand up to press against Alex’s cheek, a smile spreading on her face, “You aren’t going to miss anything else, Why don’t we just go with you?” “That’ll blow over great,” Alex chuckled, rolling his eyes as he settled back against the headboard. “‘Hey mom, I know it’s been a minute since we talked but I’m here with my ex wife who I remarried and my kid I didn’t know about for two years. Oh by the way we have another one on the way, Merry Christmas!’” +

  “You know sometimes I really think you’ve lost it,” Alex grumbled as he drove past another row of cornfields. “This would be one of those times.” Jo had somehow convinced him to fly to Iowa for Christmas with her and Harper in tow. He hadn’t told his mom anything yet, wanting a chance to explain things in person rather than over the phone. The thought made him anxious, hoping that Helen would be elated over more grandchildren rather than upset that he hadn’t mentioned anything to her. They’d grown closer over the past few years, Alex always calling at least once a week to check in with his mom. The fact that he’d kept Harper and Jo from her for almost seven months was a miracle.

  “Stop worrying, everything will be fine. Besides your mom loves me,” Jo settled one hand onto her belly, pressing down at the tiny foot that was kicking up at her. “You need to calm down in there missy, you’ve been nothing but trouble since we stepped off the plane.”

  Alex eyed the towering blue house as they pulled onto his moms street. He’d only visited a handful of times, but the Christmas lights and the large wreath on the door made the home look inviting. He recognized Amber’s mini van parked out front, groaning as he realized that both his mother and sister would accost him with a multitude of questions as soon as he walked through the door. 

  “And that’s a foot to the bladder,” Jo groaned, Alex eyeing her as he parked the rental car. “Sorry to say that you can’t stall out here for long because I have to pee. You can blame your daughter for that.”

  Heaving a sigh, Alex grabbed a sleeping Harper from the backseat, her head resting on his shoulder as he made his way up the steps of his mom's porch. Jo was standing right next to him, one hand resting on his back comfortingly as he rang the doorbell. The few seconds he waited for his mother to appear were nerve wracking, Alex’s mind playing out worst case scenarios as he nervously tapped his foot. 

  “Alex! I wasn’t sure if you’d show up, what a lovely surprise,” Helen Karev looked as joyful as ever as she greeted Alex, eyes scanning Harper and Jo quickly before ushering all three inside. “Come in, it’s cold out there.”

  Jo and Alex shuffled inside, Alex watching silently as his wife shed her heavy winter coat. His mom didn’t miss the movement either, her eyes immediately taking in the sight of Jo’s almost 30 week baby bump. 

  “I’d love to catch up but I really need to pee first,” Jo grinned at Helen, who directed her down the hallway. As soon as she was out of sight, Alex felt a sharp smack against the back of his head. 

  “Ow! What the hell,” Alex glared at his mother, who was now taking in Harper’s sleeping form. “Geez, that’s a nice warm welcome. I missed you too mom.”

  “I knew you were hiding something from me, I just didn’t think it was a wife and two kids,” Helen began to walk down the hallway towards the living room, Alex following dutifully. “Amber, your brother is here with his new family.”

  A grin took over Alex’s face as his sister came into view, Amber rushing over to pull him into a tight hug. He hadn’t seen her last Christmas because of her work schedule, so the reunion was all the more exciting, “You’ve been holding out on us! I thought you got rid of those twins and the blonde devil, who’s this on your shoulder?”

  Alex rolled his eyes as he settled onto the couch next to Amber, Harper snuggling further into his chest, “I did, thank god. This is Harper, my actual daughter.”

  Amber’s eyebrows rose in shock, Alex holding back his laughter as he realized he had seen the expression on Harper countless times. He was always amazed by just how much of a Karev his daughter was, both in looks and attitude, “Damn you’ve been busy. You hiding a new wife and a van full of kids outside too?”

  “I swear she knows we’re traveling, she has been on top of my bladder all day,” both Amber and Alex’s gazes flicked up to Jo, who now stood behind the couch as she adjusted the sweater she wore. “Amber! It’s so good to see you, it’s been so long!”

  “Jesus Christ Alex, you could call us every once in a while! What’s wrong with you,” Amber jumped up to pull Jo into a hug, “Okay now you have to tell me everything my brother has left out because clearly he’s terrible at communicating with us.”

  +

  Alex eyed the scene playing out in the living room with a grin, the sight warming his heart. Harper was playing with Amber’s two daughters, the older girls ecstatic to have a playmate that would do anything that they asked. Jo and Amber sat on the couch with her husband Matt talking about something he couldn’t quite hear from his position in the kitchen. Both his sister and his wife looked happy though, probably happier than he’d seen either of them in a long while.

  “I’m glad you came out, Jo and Harper both seem to be getting on well with everyone,” Alex snapped out of his daze as his mom came to stand next to him. “I know this year has been rough on you, you deserve to be happy though and anyone with eyes can tell that those girls over there do more than an excellent job of that. Maybe next time don’t wait half a year to tell me though.”

  A smirk spanning his cheeks, Alex wrapped an arm around his mom, “You’re gonna hold that over me for the rest of my life aren’t you?”

  Helen shrugged, leaning into Alex’s embrace as they surveyed their family laughing in the other room. For all that had gone wrong this year, Alex was happy that things had ended well for him. He didn’t think he’d ever get a chance to right the wrongs of his relationship with Jo but he’d been granted that opportunity which he was thankful for more than he could say. Leaving Kansas he truly never thought he’d get the chance to truly be a father, but glancing out at Harper giggling excitedly and Jo’s hands cradling her growing bump he knew that someone was looking out for him. 

  “I would be willing to not bring it up if you keep bringing my grandkids and that pretty wife of yours back home every once in a while,” Alex laughed at his mother’s statement. Of course she’d care more about Jo and the girls than him. 

  “I’m sure I can make that happen mom.”

[insomniac-arrest]

The Omnipotence Theorem: Chapter Two

words: 2k

genre: cold war, sci-fi, wlw original

summary: a group of scientists tries to unlock the secrets of telepathy as cold war pressures mount and a fever rises in the belly of the Pentagon

Chapter One X

Ao3 – Wordpress

Chapter Two

“Red,” she blinks, “blue.” She takes a breath, “green.” The lights flash behind her eyes, “red, again.” A doctor was frowning at her through his mask and it’s all Cindy can do to keep her eyes straight ahead. A crown of wires whizzed around her head and she feels more like a rat running through an electro-shock maze than a team player.

She blinks her eyes and feels a pulse in her temple, the wires sent a little spark of electricity through her. She doesn’t flinch, Cindy holds herself still.

Two steady blue eyes stare back at her. “Green.” She says softly and the scientist next to her keeps scribbling things down.

Cindy imagines the notes on his pad absently: ‘candidate 5- sleep deprived?’ ‘Has not guessed a single color right,’ ‘forgot to brush my teeth this morning,’ ‘look at the cans on candidate 4.’

‘Still haven’t brushed my teeth.’

Perhaps she should be more charitable with him, she barely remembered his name after all. But he was breathing on her and he, nor anyone else, had asked her if she needed to pee in the last four hours.

And for the record, to hopefully be documented, preserved and studied with the rest of the paperwork. Cindy really really needed to pee.

“Blue.” The woman across from her forms the words with a soft curve to her mouth, like she was kissing a cloud with her palette. Cindy looks down at her lap.

The doctor on the other side of the room clears his throat, Cindy forces herself to look back up and look at candidate five in the face. Louise gives her a curious look but pronounces the word ‘yellow’ like she was going to take it out to lunch.

Cindy takes a deep breath and tries to be more charitable again, Louise was from Minnesota, things were different there.

She thinks about the wonders of what must be Minnesota as she looks the other woman in the eye and little buzzes go through her forehead. Connecting the left and right brain synapses, stimulating the cerebellum.

Activating neurotransmitters between two totally different individuals.

“Red.”

She hears a deep sigh behind her and Cindy feels the buzz of the machine, a wall of wires and transmitters and entire processing system, power down. The fritzing, whirring sounds slowly tapers off as Cindy exhales.

The little electric pulse in between her ears stops and she takes that as a sign to pull out the pads on her temples.

“Let’s break for lunch ladies,” the doctor says behind her and Cindy takes the opportunity to not look any one in the eye again. It was the little pleasures.

She stretches and flattens out her skirt as she plans to go dart to the restroom as fast she can.

“Be back by half past one.” The doctors weren’t looking at her, but stood in her way as they reminded her of their Very Important Work. “I know sir,” she nods at the man she wished at least try out a toothpick or flossing one of these days.

She passes the next military scientist and hopes Doug was bumbling about somewhere, Doug always let her pour over the numbers once she was free and walking around again.

Cindy darts over the woman’s restroom (newly installed) as she hears a pair of footsteps trailing her, she looks over her shoulder to nod at Louise.

“Be right back,” she says with a wave.

“I’ll save you spot in the cafeteria.” The woman must have an iron bladder, Cindy shakes her head as she watches the other participant retreat. Cindy ducks into the small sterile gray restroom, there were still urinals in the corner from before the room had been ‘repurposed.’

She sighs heavily in relief and tries not to touch the bruised areas around her forehead before she’s done.

“Red, yellow, blue, green,” she snorts and picks at her nails, looking at the walls as she finishes.

The underground military facility felt and tasted like a knock-off brand of seltzer water, sparkling and vaguely unpleasant. The ruling design theory was functional and grey, grey like the inside of a dying man’s mouth, grey like storm clouds that make your chest rumble. Grey.

It was being sucked into an entirely different world, and needing to pee most of the time you were there.

Cindy washed her hands and was pleasantly surprised by the pinkness of the soap, it was the little thing.

She takes a deep breath and spends some time fixing her hair, she wasn’t sure she was going to miss the sun or personal space. But it turns out some part of her was attached to both those things.

She relishes her time alone in the restroom before one of the cleaners steps in and they nod at each other before Cindy heads out.

“Red,” her heels click on the cool floors like a bad joke, “green.” She passes several brass with papers and whispers between them, there were other experiments going on in this same facility. They were just the only ones trying to unlock the powers of bad hotline psychics.

Cindy was so close to rolling her eyes into a coma as she thinks about it. She concentrates on the smell of stew and white bread as she enters a bustling cafeteria, a small Asian woman waves at her from the corner.

She waves at the table of women and waits patiently to be walked, fed, and walked again to a little rectangle surface. Everything was made of boxes and squares and more rectangles, it was like a geometry sex dungeon.

She crosses off the last part in her mind and lets the thick stew pour onto her plate, she inhales deeply. The food at the very least wasn’t bad.

“Cindy,” one of the girl’s was grinning as she waved her over.

She shuffles over through the other long school tables to where the four other woman sat. There were roughly eight of them living down there in total, not counting the cleaning staff that came down regularly.

Cindy wasn’t sure if they bunched them all together to increase ‘telepathic potential’ or just out of convenience, either way, she kept telling them they needed a bigger sample size anyway. They told her they had been doing these same things on men for 3 years now.

At least it was equal opportunity brain rot.

Cindy sits down delicately as her skirt sweeps under her, “Martha,” she grins with a nod, “Tric.” Martha was a friendly girl from South Florida with a psychology degree, as most of them did. Tric was a secretary that got stuck down there with them.

“See,” the women slicked her beehive black hair back, “it’s unrealistic, no one wants to shave that much muff.” She shoves a magazine under her nose and Cindy politely pushes it back.

She was currently browsing a playboy she found in one of the restrooms like it was a Sears catalog. “It looks like a terrible tiny mustache.” Tric was squinting her eyes, “The things they do to these women, jeez.”

Cindy doesn’t look down at the naked woman on the magazine, “Stew is nice and warm today.” “Is it a Tuesday?” The frazzled Mrs. Catherine at the end had her notepad out and was calculating something. The days of the week next to the months next to an astrology chart.

She had a degree in communications and math.

“God, someone tell me it’s a tuesday,” she chewed on her bottom lip, “it’s been two hundred fifty two days, Venus is in retrograde…” She was mumbling to herself, she was also candidate number one and the first one they dragged into The Depths (as Cindy was calling it) to see if their tickers could talk to each other.

“Did you see Dr. Stevens today,” Martha beamed at her, “he sure was handsome with those new glasses.” Cindy wrinkled her nose as she tried to remember which one that was, “I’m sure he was.” She reassures as she organized her plastic spoons and forks on her trey.

“Don’t bother Cindy with that sort of thing,” And there she was Louise.

Louise was seated two spots away from her, wearing her regular fleece pink sweater with a baby blue skirt. She always had the look of someone who rather be knitting or talking about the different shades of sycamore trees.

A sweet girl with bright eyes and soft round everything from her personality to everything else.

Though, of course, Cindy always had the temptation to give her a Catholic Speech on numerous things, and Cindy wasn’t even Catholic.

“She’s a woman of science,” her lips turned up, “She’s already married.” They tittered around her and Cindy’s not sure if she should be relieved or offended, it felt like the time for a Catholic Speech about teasing. And smokey eyes and long lashes and whatever else the Minnesota girl was doing.

“No wonder my son has hang-ups, none of these women got any marks on ‘em,” Tric took another long drag of her cigarette and Cindy sighs.

Louise delicately continues her meal and Cindy couldn’t guess what she was thinking if she tried. And she’d been paid to try.

It had been one week in The Depths of the Pentagon with several hundred scientists, but Cindy had barely got to touch a spreadsheet. The fairer sex was meant to be tied into whirring machinery and watch the own gears in her head wear thin.

She keeps these complaints all to herself as Martha talks about getting cookie dough here for the winter season and Tric compared the January and February centerfolds. Miss Catherine went into the depths of her paperwork, submerging into the relative position of Uranus.

Cindy wondered at what point she might start to gradually grind herself down into a distilled crazy paste, but she had a vision that it wasn’t going to be as interesting any of these women.

Louise quietly talks about her new knickers with Catherine until the other woman gets her tarot cards and takes out the hanged man.

“I’m not sure if I really need another one of these Miss Cathy,” she laughs hallowly and Catherine gives her spooked fish look.

“It’ll increase your chances.” She whispers in the way that would make Edgar Allan Poe write poetry.

“Right right, of cracking the case.” Louise grinned, “Don’t worry miss Cathy, we are on it!” More tittering.

Catherine slips her another card, “hide this under your pillow.” Louise was smiling but her face was slightly paler, she had been dealing with these women a lot longer than Cindy. She just mildly turns her face away and gets re-engaged with the very rosy Martha talking about the letter her sister sent.

Cindy watches this all go by like a film of someone else’s life, not for the first time she wondered if she made the right decision. Or if there was one.

She moves the rest of her stew around the plate moodily before throwing the rest of it away and following the other woman back to the test rooms. The giant wall of machine was already getting warmed up again and Cindy could see someone waving.

“Oh thank God,” Cindy murmurs and jogs up to a portly middle-aged man. “Doug,” she greets, “Good to see you.” “What? Yes.” Dr. Doug Johnson had slight hearing problems from his time in the war, but was an overall agreeable figure.

Cindy almost bounces, “I was hoping to get a peek at any data before the next session starts.”

He nods back, “yes, yes, I did appreciate your last observations on some of the wavelength fluctuations.”

Probably just anomaly, but Cindy doesn’t say that out loud. She nods as they let her into the backroom, she can feel Louise looking at her curiously again from behind her. She doesn’t quite look over her shoulder.

“Progress is slow, but we think if we keep up the transcranial stimulation with the right locations, we’ll be getting you all to be reading morse code to each other in record time.” He was beaming with his gapped front teeth and round cheeks.

Cindy is more grateful than the time she got her period during her ‘fear of immaculate conception’ phase of teenagehood.

The cool military fans blow against her face, keeping the test samples and piles of paper dry and clean. Cindy turns toward the analysis, gingerly picking up the spreadsheets as her mind swims, the points read off their electric current stats.

“Would that mean we should start shaving our heads?” Cindy asks hoarsely before frowning, “it might open up more vectors of magnetic connection with the machine.” She blinks, it made more sense to have multiple stimuli around the cranium. She glances at him to see if he was listening.

Doug Johnson laughs slightly, “we did that with the boys, but got similar results.” He winks, “plus, I’m not sure if all the ladies would be as willing as you to let go of those pretty locks.” Cindy blew air out of her nose but just nods stiffly, she surveys the data points quickly as she considers the different existing communication pathways they could be using. They seemed to be hooked into the right sectors, but perhaps the wrong surgical connectors.

She opens her mouth briefly, “could I take these to my room tonight?” Doug flattens his mustache out, “I think I’d get in a little more trouble if I let these out of the room.” He hums and adjusts his glasses, “besides, they're not too different from the last ones.” She frowns again and puts them down, the clock was almost at exactly one thirty. Doug pats her on the back, “you’re a great asset Ms. Jabiyev.” “Thank you,” she feels her stomach bottom out and she follows him out of the back room, Louise waves at them warmly as they come back.

“See anything worthwhile?” She grins, “any changes?” Cindy just shakes her head, “nothing to report on.” “That’s a shame,” Louise clicks her teeth, “but I have a good feeling about today.”

“That’s our Louise.” Dr. Johnson laughs and pats Louise also on the back before disappearing into another one of the rooms where one of the other pairs was.

Cindy eyes him before she feels a slight nudge on her ribcage, she turns around to see Louise’s bright blue eyes staring widely down at her. She was a good head taller than Cindy.

“Did you sweet talk him into that back room?” Her full lips were in that same elegant curve.

She shrugs, “I listened to him talk about his kids for two hours and he seemed to warm up to me.” Louise chuckles, “they musta hired you for your listening skills.” Her eyes twinkle and Cindy finds her somehow mildly more round and tolerable.

“That, and my exceptional ability to sit in chairs.” Cindy says dryly because no one else was around.

Louise lets out another laugh, “you don’t say, is it in any way connected to your above average ability to say colors out loud?” Cindy covers her mouth to laugh slightly, “I was color naming champion at my college.” Louise slaps her knee, “you are a delight miss Cindy!” She snorts before grabbing Cindy’s shoulder, “no wonder you could sweet talk Mr. Doug.” Cindy glances down at Louise’s dove-white hands before looking back up, “I wouldn’t call it sweet talk,” she catches her breath, “More like… psychology. Nice things.”

Louise nods and Cindy looks down at her shoes, she jumps when she feels a warm hand on her shoulder. “Tell you what.” Louise says, “I was a psychology major myself,” she says with her chest puff out, “if we put our heads together we’re bound to make that data sing.” Cindy cocks her head to the side, “you want to see it too?” Louise bites her bottom lip and turns back to the room as it opens, “better than sitting on our bums and having ‘em shock us day in and out.” Cindy exhales, “I’m glad I’m not the only one thinking that…” Louise squeezes her shoulder and they hear the machine ding as it finishes warming up. “Some time then.” She enters the dim whirring room again and sees the next new doctor preparing the electro-helmet that attached at her temples. She stares wearily ahead, vision blurring together as she watched Louise be plugged into the exact same machine across from her.

Sometimes they did the experiment with a sheet obscuring each other, sometimes they thought eye contact helped. Cindy personally thought it was better double-blind, but no difference had been recorded yet.

The heat of the computer electroencephalogram (EEG) bathed the left side of her face, preparing to translate and stored their thoughts. A piece of paper is put in front of Cindy.

“Now, you know the drill miss Jabiyev, concentrate.”

Cindy looks up and makes steady eye contact with Louise, she turns her thoughts into a pointed dagger trying to stab out into the darkness. A little prickle goes through her skull again and she can feel the electric currents working through her. Toward her.

She takes a deep breath and the light blinks for them to start.

“Yellow.” She says dryly as Louise's mouth stays a shapeless flat line. She concentrates, “Blue.”

[hardyalise92]

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[iatethepomegranate]

Homecoming Chapter 17

@iontorch @darkmagicianknight @prettybeefballs

The whole fic is a sequel to Human Connection (can be read as a standalone, but character personalities make more sense if read together)

All chapters

Read on AO3

Pairing: DickTiger

Rating: Mature

Length: 4.6k (this chapter)

Summary: Tiger didn’t want to do this.

Notes: I am very sorry. More torture, of the suffocation and electrocution varieties.

Chapter 17

Tiger had known all along this was going to happen, but that didn't mean he was ready. He could never be ready for this. Dick had been worn down by hours of being chained to that pole without food or water. There was only so much Tiger could do without arousing suspicion. Helena believed Bannon would know Tiger had helped Dick even the small amount that he had. Tiger could not bring himself to care.

Helena had a smaller office than she used to, when she was director of Spyral. She also took less pride in its condition, half-heartedly dusting it every so often when visitors were expected. There was one window, looking out at distant mountains. They were oddly hypnotising, or maybe that was simply Tiger's exhaustion leading him to stare at them for long periods of time before Helena would finally catch his attention.

Helena joined him at the window. “Can you do this?”

Tiger was unsure, but that answer would not satisfy her. “Yes.”

“It may be more difficult than anticipated,” Helena continued. “We didn't account for the deprivation treatment. He may not handle it as well as he would have otherwise.”

That had been weighing on Tiger's mind ever since he'd discovered Dick's situation a few hours ago. A tiny amount of food, water and bladder relief would not help much.

“You need to have the strength he won't have,” Helena said.

Tiger nodded curtly, eyes still fixed on the mountains. Better out there than in here. Why had he ever thought returning to Spyral had been a good idea? It was difficult to not be bitter about Bruce Wayne's behaviour now, given what it had ultimately led to. Tiger never should have let Dick become involved in this.

“Bannon is interrogating you as much as he is Dick. Remember that. Remember your cover. Do not let either of them see how much it hurts you. I'll use the time he's down there with you to break into the director's office.” The one that should've been hers, which Bannon was currently using but didn't actually own. That honour went to whoever was in charge now, whose identity Helena had taken upon herself to discover.

Bannon found the two of them in Helena's office shortly thereafter. Tiger had to fight nausea every time he saw the man. He hadn't had a single good night's rest ever since Bannon had shown his face here.

Bannon smiled horribly. “I have a job for you, Tiger.”

Tiger didn't bother asking what that was.

Bannon turned on his heel and marched out the door, evidently expecting Tiger to follow, which he did. “Our guest has provided some limited information, but his attitude irks me. I would rather not continue wasting time with his word games in order to receive scraps of information. Perhaps you can help with that.”

Tiger would have to communicate to Dick after this what Bannon wanted. Maybe if Dick acted defeated, Bannon would go easier on him. Tiger wouldn't know. He hadn't been captured for long enough to reach that point, even if it had not been far away when Dick found him.

Then again, doing that was totally outside Dick's nature. Maybe it wouldn't be convincing if one session with Tiger seemed to break him. The thought of needing more than that to convince Bannon Dick's changed attitude was real made Tiger feel sick all over again.

Stop thinking. Compartmentalise. Getting through this first trial was all that mattered right now.

Dick was still chained to the pole, pallid from both the terrible lighting and hours of restraint. His eyes sharpened when Bannon and Tiger entered, but not by much. Tiger couldn't determine whether it was the pain, hunger, thirst or just plain exhaustion that had dimmed him.

Tiger unchained Dick per Bannon's instructions and half-carried him to the chair, doing his best to ignore the half-swallowed gasp when Dick was forced to use his shoulders in any way. Tiger strapped him in, focusing on the leather straps rather than Dick's face. They both needed a moment.

Then Bannon handed Tiger a stun gun.

“Something easy for your first time with us,” said Bannon. “All you have to do is press a button when I say so.”

“You're a real asshole, you know that?” said Dick. His voice was scratchy, likely from dehydration.

“Shock him.”

Tiger touched the stun gun to Dick's torso, well away from his heart, and pressed the button for as short a moment as he dared. Dick jerked in his seat, but didn't make a sound. This time. It wouldn't take long for Dick's muscles to be exhausted in his current state. Potential burns aside, the buildup of lactic acid would, at the very least, result in aches and pains and general fatigue after this was over.

“Now, I am very interested in how you managed to seduce our friend here,” Bannon said to Dick.

Dick tried to shrug, gritting his teeth as he evidently remembered the shit his shoulders had just gone through. “Just kinda happened. Take your victories when you can, you know?”

“And...?”

Dick came visibly close to rolling his eyes. “We slept together a couple of times. Shit happens. I figured having Agent 1 on my side could be handy, so I took it further. Clearly, that ended well for me.”

Tiger consciously reminded himself there was no way Dick was about to tell the truth to Bannon. Not on this. They had been through enough to know their relationship was secure. Dick had come all the way out there for him, after all.

“Feel free to shock him again,” Bannon said. “He is being quite rude to you.”

That was less of an invitation and more of a thinly-veiled order. Tiger pressed the stun gun to Dick's torso again, earning another jerk and a grunt this time. Dick exhaled loudly afterwards, and probably wouldn't have remained upright if he wasn't strapped securely to the chair. This was wearing him out quickly, and Tiger was only doing the bare minimum.

“And how did you come to sleep together?” Bannon asked. Oddly personal.

“I don't do well with isolation. Realising that, Tiger came onto me. I rebuffed his advances, then realised it was probably a good idea. Get in his good graces.” Close to the truth, but not quite there. Sometimes it was better not to stray too far from the truth so it was easier to keep the story straight. Other times, like the Batman communication question, the further from the truth they were, the better.

“You are aware Spyral has rules about fraternisation, yes?”

“Which generally aren't enforced,” Dick pointed out. “Don't tell me no one knew I was sleeping with Agent 8 once upon a time.”

“Any other agent lovers I should be aware of?”

“If there were, you'd already know.”

“Is there a point to this?” Tiger found himself asking.

“Oh, I'm just trying to determine the true breadth of Nightwing's influence on our agents,” Bannon said mildly. “No matter. Nightwing has clearly proven he is incapable of hiding his sexual conquests.”

“I feel like I should be offended,” Dick said. Tiger wanted to tell him to shut up.

Blessedly, Bannon ignored that. “Where did you and Tiger go after leaving Spyral?” It was a question Bannon could've asked Tiger, but maybe it wasn't as fun to ask someone you weren't torturing at the present moment.

“Gotham, obviously.”

“How did you convince Tiger to leave with you?”

“Spyral was a mess after the Daedalus thing. I figured that was my best chance for getting out and, at the time, I believed Tiger to be of the same mind. Just as well he never met my family, then. I'd hate to tell the big guy I brought a traitor into the batcave.” Dick made sure to voice that last part very pointedly at Tiger, who showed no reaction. There had to be a reason for the lie. Perhaps it would be safer if Tiger didn't appear to know the identities of the Gotham vigilantes.

“You should shock him for that,” Bannon said.

Tiger had to oblige. Dick cried out once as his whole body stuttered, and groaned once it was over. Sweat was collecting at his hairline and he was breathing far too heavily for Tiger's liking.

“You should really curb that tongue of yours, Nightwing,” said Bannon. “It seems to be getting you into trouble.”

Dick opened his mouth to make a smartass reply, but apparently thought better of it at the last second. Good. Maybe they could get out of this without too much more pain.

“Ah, you're learning.” Bannon retreated to his table—Dick and Tiger both held their breath—and picked out a... plastic bag? “You might want to get that breathing under control, Nightwing, before I do it for you.”

Dick had already been quite pale due to his previous treatment. This did not help.

“Now, your fellow vigilantes in Gotham City have proven to be quite a thorn in Spyral's side,” said Bannon, shaking the bag out until it formed a more open shape. “They have proven quite adept at finding our footholds and removing agents from the city. How were they able to find our agents so easily?”

“Tiger and I were followed into the city,” Dick replied. “Not that hard to figure out there are Spyral agents there. The rest was good old-fashioned detective work.”

“They completely bypassed our dummy bases. How did they know to do that?”

Dick and Tiger had provided their share of information about operation tactics in the time they'd spent at Wayne Manor. But Tiger, according to Dick's lie, had never been there. Dick had provided useful information, but most of it had been Tiger's. Whether Bannon would believe Dick had provided all the information himself was anyone's guess.

Dick seemed to realise that, too, because he was playing hard to get with the information Bannon sought. As in, he remained completely silent. Tiger hoped he was doing that on purpose to make whatever clever lie he had seem more plausible when he finally shared it.

“Shock him. Don't stop until I say so.”

Tiger had been dreading that order. He placed the stun gun in a new position—Dick probably had a burn in the old one—and turned it on. Dick's body shook, teeth jammed together. Tiger wanted to stop already, but he couldn't. Dick grunted from the pain, again and again, louder each time. Tiger was of a mind to kill Bannon and get the both of them out of here. Fuck the mission.

When Bannon finally told him to stop, Dick barely had a moment to gasp before Bannon had shoved the bag over his head, wrapping the base tight around his neck to stop any more air from getting in. Dick jerked weakly, locked in place by the restraints and his exhaustion. Bannon only let up when Dick stopped moving.

Dick was conscious, but only barely. He sucked down air.

Bannon shoved the bag into Tiger's hands. “Now. I'm going to ask again. How did your allies know how to tell the difference between a dummy base and a real one?”

“I stole files,” Dick said quietly. He breathed. “Before.”

“Before you left Spyral?”

Dick nodded.

“What files?”

“Field ops. Decoy protocols. Agent assignment algorithms.” Dick and Tiger had taken a whole lot more than that, plus the information stored in their brains, but the less Bannon suspected Batman knew, the better.

“Of all the available files, that's all?”

“We were in a hurry.”

“And how did Batman receive this files from you?”

“Ever heard of a flash drive?” Dick bit out, apparently having recovered just enough to be pissed off by the whole situation. “I handed it to him. Did you think I used some kind of high-tech brain link to beam the information to him?”

Tiger backhanded him before he said anything else that would get him in trouble. He couldn't pull back his strength as much as he would've liked, given Dick's condition, so his head snapped right to the side. Dick closed his eyes for a moment.

“It seems you want us to hurt you,” said Bannon. Tiger wanted to say anger was a natural reaction to what he'd been through, but wasn't sure how to phrase it without sounding like he was defending Dick. Even if that was what he wanted to do.

“I am uncertain he will provide any more useful information in this state,” Tiger said, hoping that would suffice. “Additional torture would be more entertaining than useful at this time.”

“I am quite enjoying myself, I will admit. Shock him again.”

Damn it. Tiger found a new spot, still far enough from Dick's heart that it wouldn't cause immediate heart failure.

“Don't stop until I say so.”

Tiger pressed the button, half-watching Dick's reaction and half-watching Bannon putter around his table of torture implements, putting the plastic bag away, straightening his knives, stroking the hammer. Dick screamed, breathless, barely loud enough to count. Tiger had to force himself to keep doing this. Stopping now, raising suspicion, would make everything Dick had suffered utterly pointless.

Bannon packed up his kit, taking his time to make it all neat and ordered. Dick's head listed to the side, eyes closing, and it was only then that Bannon finally gave the signal to stop. He took the stun gun from Tiger's hand, sliding it into the leather toolkit.

Dick's head drooped forward, shirt transparent with sweat.

“Put him back in his cell,” Bannon said, smiling his way out the door.

Tiger reached for the nearest wrist strap, slowly feeding it out of the buckle until it was open. “Are you with me, Dick?”

Dick's breathing shifted deeper, but he didn't respond. Tiger unstrapped his other wrist and knelt to free his ankles.

It was that point Dick's breathing hitched, fingers on his uninjured hand clenching around the arm of the chair. He didn't try to move, even after his ankles were freed. Tiger leaned sideways, to try and meet Dick's eyes. They were still closed, screwed shut, lashes wet.

“He's gone, Dick,” Tiger said, as gently as he could manage when all he wanted to do was chase after Bannon and snap his neck. “We're alone. I'm sorry.”

Dick had lost track of everything as soon as the last shock had begun. He came back to himself much later, head pillowed on Tiger's chest as they lay on the bed in his cell. Dick was lying more on Tiger than the bed, which would be a problem if Bannon returned, but he couldn't bring himself to care.

Dick's whole body was wrung out. He couldn't have moved if he wanted to. A few spots on his torso burned, but dealing with them would require getting up. Evidently Tiger had been unable to do much about them while Dick had been out of it.

“Are you with me now?” Tiger asked softly.

Dick nodded, not even bothering to lift it.

“You should eat something. Have some water.” But neither of them moved. “Are you in pain?”

“A little.”

“Burns?”

Dick nodded.

Tiger sighed, his chest lifting and dropping Dick's head. “Helena will look for me soon. And scold me for wasting time down here, most likely.” Not that he was making an effort to do anything about that.

The door squeaked open. “I heard that, Tiger,” Helena said, jabbing at the communicator in her ear as she stepped inside.

“No one told you to listen in.” Tiger's response was a little snappier than usual.

Helena ignored it, resting against the bars. “Injuries?”

“Burns,” Tiger replied. “I was unable to examine them earlier.”

“You should do that now. You've already spent far too long down here.”

The look Tiger gave her could've stripped paint off the walls.

“Don't look at me like that. You're well aware it's a risk.” She was right, but Dick also didn't want Tiger going anywhere. Being alone right now was... not ideal. In his exhaustion, he had no control over his body language. His thoughts were damn well on display, which sucked because Tiger was having a hard enough time without Dick telegraphing his anxiety all over the place.

“This was a bad idea,” Tiger muttered into Dick's hair, holding him closer.

“We're committed.” Helena was doggedly sticking to being the voice of reason. Someone had to, and Dick and Tiger certainly weren't up for it. “I got into the director's office. It's as we expected. Alia is behind this.”

“Do we know when she will return here?”

“In five days.”

“It is possible she will simply order Bannon to kill Dick. We should arrange the attack to begin just before she arrives. Too soon for her to aid the defence too much, but too late to retreat.”

“I'll find the exact timing and make the arrangements. Tiger, when Dick is feeling better, help him memorise the building's layout.”

Dick had to endure this for five more days. How could a unit of time be so short and yet horribly long at the same time?

Helena rested her forehead against the bars. “Dick? Have you eaten?”

Dick shook his head.

“I'll bring you something. Tiger, check his injuries.”

Tiger pushed him into a seated position and helped him remove his shirt. Tiger had hidden a first-aid kit under the bed, since Bannon didn't seem to give a shit about the cell. All the more reason to get the attack underway before Alia arrived. She probably would care about such minute details.

Tiger cleaned the three burns from contact with the stun gun. Dick tried not to flinch, but he had little control over his body, which was aching all over as if he'd run a marathon without warming up first. Lactic acid was an asshole.

Tiger pressed his lips to Dick's bare shoulder and used stick-on bandages to cover the burns, just for a little while. Helena returned with a small amount of fruit and fresh water, plus a clean shirt. Dick didn't feel like doing much of anything, let alone eating, but he wasn't about to give either Tiger or Helena the opportunity to force it in his mouth if they had to. Which they totally would.

“Don't stay much longer,” Helena warned Tiger, taking the finished tray away with her.

Tiger helped Dick into the fresh shirt and they lay down again.

“You'll have to leave eventually,” Dick said.

“I'll leave when I'm ready,” Tiger muttered bitterly. “When you're ready.”

Dick was never going to be ready. He'd spent hours chained up, in pain and alone, and had just been tortured by the man he loved against both their wills. He wanted Tiger to stay, both for his own sake and for Tiger's.

Tiger made a slow circle on Dick's back with his palm. “Get some rest. I'll leave when you're asleep.”

Despite his exhaustion, sleep wasn't really on the cards. He was more in the mood to lie here and be miserable. Maybe it would've been kinder to make Tiger leave, knowing the man was paying very close attention to how Dick was feeling, but Dick couldn't bring himself to enact that kind of selflessness right now.

“We can do five more days,” Tiger promised.

Dick almost said he didn't want to, but that wasn't helpful, even if he'd rather have a complete nervous breakdown than spend another minute in this place. But he had to. He chose to do this.

But, fuck he hurt all over. If he never had to move his shoulders again, he would be a happy man. So far, he'd been able to lie his way out of providing accurate information that he didn't want Bannon knowing. But he couldn't rely on that. Sooner or later, his creativity would fail him. He certainly couldn't have come up with a lie if he'd been asked something sensitive at the end of today's interrogation.

Tiger cradled the back of Dick's head, resting his chin on top. “Dick. You need your rest. I will wake you in a few hours, I promise. You will need to eat small amounts at regular intervals anyway.”

Dick had managed to sleep while chained to the pole, but it seemed impossible now. He'd known this thing with Tiger was coming, but that hadn't helped. There was no way he could voice that without making Tiger feel worse than he already did.

“You're quiet,” Tiger said. Dick didn't have it in him to be a smartass, even with Tiger stating the obvious. He dislodged his head from beneath Tiger's to meet his eyes, which were full of concern. Dick managed the weakest of smiles and reached up with what little strength he had to kiss his cheek.

Bannon didn't always call on Tiger to assist in interrogations. Helena continued using Bannon's interrogation time to investigate restricted areas, passing the intel onto Batman.

Tiger, when he could afford to linger, set about helping Dick memorise the building's layout and the plan they were putting together. There weren't many points of entry available to outside forces, so the bulk of the family would be entering through the front door, with a few slipping in through other, smaller, entrances. They would wait to enter until Bannon was with Dick and Tiger would then help him take the man out.

“And what about those allies you and Helena were going on about?” Dick was propped up against the wall on the bed, nursing a nosebleed into a tissue. Nothing broken. It would pass soon enough.

“Most are not interested in fighting either side,” Tiger said, passing Dick a fresh tissue. “Those people have escape routes planned. A small group have agreed to assist. Gloria is one of them.”

“Huh. Been a while. Would've thought she'd want to escape so she could see her kids again.”

“She wishes to make sure we succeed. Desertion will put her family at risk if we do not.”

“Fair enough.” Dick pushed the map further down his legs, the better to see with his tissue-holding hand in the way.

“How's the bleeding?”

Dick dabbed at his nostrils. “Getting better.”

“Did you tell him anything?”

“He asked how much Batman knew about hypnos. He had to make this nosebleed happen before I answered, so I guess I convinced him Batman hasn't had a chance to study them properly.”

Tiger dampened a tissue in the sink and passed it to Dick, who cleaned the dried blood off his face. Tiger took the tissue from his hands after a few moments, taking over the task. That was fine by Dick. His shoulder had been killing him anyway.

“Will you be able to fight when the time comes?” Tiger asked, swiping the damp tissue across the corner of Dick's mouth.

“In this state? Probably. I don't know if my answer'll be the same if I have another round with that pole.”

“Just three more days, Dick. Are your shoulders still hurting?”

“When I use them too much, yeah. I probably won't notice it as much in the middle of a fight.”

Tiger threw the tissue into the toilet on the other side of the cell and hid the map underneath the mattress. “I'll try to get to you as soon as the fighting starts. You will not be left alone if I can help it.”

“I'm starting to suspect I'm more of a hindrance than a help.”

Tiger cupped Dick's cheeks between his palms. “No. You are providing a useful distraction for Helena's investigation and, to my shame, I prefer having you close, even under these circumstances.”

“You smooth talker, you.”

Tiger made a sound of disgust. “You must be feeling better.”

“For the moment.”

Tiger pressed his lips to Dick's forehead. “I love you. I'm sorry I put you in this situation.”

“Well, to be fair, you did try to stop me.” Dick could just feel Tiger wanting to argue, but he kept quiet. They were both doing a lot of that. Some things were better left unsaid, especially in a situation such as this.

They kissed instead of arguing. The door squeaked and they separated, which was just as well, because Bannon had returned.

“Well, isn't this cosy?” The man looked like he'd just won the lottery. Fuck.

“Someone had to clean up the mess you made of my face,” Dick shot back immediately. It wasn't technically a lie, so...

“Still mouthing off, Nightwing? Haven't you learned your lesson yet?”

“I'm a slow learner.”

Tiger shot him a look that clearly said shut up. It was probably in Dick's best interests, but he'd never been good at looking after himself.

“Who did you think was patching me up after you were done with me, Bannon?”

That just made Bannon smile even wider. “You seem awfully keen to defend your betrayer.”

“I don't see many people down here and you're a grade-A asshole, so I don't have an endless supply of people who'll patch me up and talk to me every so often.”

“Guilty conscience, Tiger?”

Tiger always seemed to struggle with answering back to Bannon, which was no surprise. “A healthy prisoner will last longer,” he finally came out with. “The longer he survives, the more information he will give us.” Dick made sure to school his expression into that of hurt, though he couldn't telegraph it too much or Bannon would realise he was bullshitting. This whole plan could fall apart if Bannon stopped believing Tiger's handing Dick over to Spyral was an act of betrayal.

Bannon's face was positively gleeful. “Oh, I'm sure. Perhaps you could convince me further. But don't bruise your knuckles too quickly. Or perhaps I'll let you borrow my brass ones.”

That was all the warning Dick got before Bannon had Tiger deliver him to the torture chamber once again.

Multiple sessions in one day wore Dick down, breaking him faster. Perhaps that was why Bannon always made sure he'd had his own session before he brought Tiger in to do the dirty work.

This time, however, Tiger was not permitted to stay and tend to Dick's medical needs. Dick's head throbbed as he lay in bed, lights out in a mimicry of night. No dinner had come, but Dick probably couldn't have eaten anyway. His ribs were definitely bruised and there had been a few gut punches that made him want to vomit.

But the door squeaked on its noisy hinges. Dick thought, for a second, maybe Tiger had managed to get away for a moment, but...

“Hello, dear.”

“Gloria?”

“Matron sent me.” A flashlight clicked on and she unlocked the cell door. “Your partner couldn't get away from Bannon. I only have a moment, so show me where you're hurt.”

“Not much you can do without ice,” Dick said, lifting his shirt to show her the bruises on his torso. Gloria produced a handful of washcloths.

“These won't work as well as ice, but better than nothing.” She dampened them in the sink, pushed Dick onto his back and laid them over the worst of the bruising. She put one over his eye, which had swollen slightly. “Whoever is bringing you breakfast will take them, but be sure to hide them just in case.”

“Do you think Bannon suspects Tiger now?”

“Bannon suspects everyone. If Tiger's position is too tenuous, I will take over his caretaking duties until the reckoning begins.” She patted his hand. “Matron tells me you're Nightwing. I take it that's your preferred name?”

“Around people who can't know my identity? Yes.”

Gloria's smile was barely visible in the thin beam from the flashlight, but it was refreshing all the same.

[madzikmadzik]

17 Truths About Your First Trimester That All Pregnant Women Should Prepare For

Naps, Seamless and secret Facebook groups FTW.

Note: This is an account of my own personal experience and not a medical evaluation. Pregnancy can cause a variety of symptoms that vary from person to person. As always, check with your doctor if you have any concerns regarding your pregnancy.

The exhaustion is unbearable, and keeping your eyes open requires superhuman effort.

The first symptom I experienced after realizing I was pregnant was absolute exhaustion. It didn't matter how many hours I slept at night. I still had trouble keeping my eyes open during the day, and naps became my best friends. It got to the point where one day, I accidentally fell asleep on a public bench for two hours.

Disney / Via tumblr.com

Which means you'll spend entire weeks as a near-literal couch potato.

There were weekends when my husband was out of town and I would spend the entire day moving between the bed and the sofa. Food delivery services became my best friends, and I would often order out for all three meals, because I couldn't even make pasta for myself.

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You'll also become super antisocial.

Since I couldn't tell anyone about my pregnancy yet, I didn't feel like coming up with excuses about why I was feeling so tired or why I wasn't drinking alcohol. I felt like I was lying the entire time, so I preferred staying home and watching TV. But since I'm actually a super social person, this "new me" felt so unnatural.

NBC / Via tumblr.com

But you'll find online communities that save your sanity.

I found Reddit subgroups and secret Facebook groups of pregnant women who were going through the exact same things and, even though they were perfect strangers, we became so close. I tapped into these networks to ask any and every question that crossed my mind, and we supported each other.

Universal Pictures / Via i.perezhilton.com

Medical advice can totally differ depending on what part of the world you're in.

When I was finally able to tell a few friends about my pregnancy, I started complaining about all the things I couldn't eat and some of them laughed in my face. It turns out that there are some things - like not drinking alcohol and not smoking - that are recommended worldwide but others are less universal. For example, in the United States, you're advised not to eat ham or sushi. But that's not the case for women in Japan.

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At first, it can be hard to actually enjoy being pregnant.

Being pregnant was great news, but I quickly became obsessed over everything that could go wrong in the first few months, and the panic didn't let me fully enjoy myself.

Once I was able to see the tiny baby at my first ultrasound, I was able to relax more and to start thinking about a future with this new family member.

CBS / Via tumblr.com

Your relationship with your mother will change.

I hate to admit it, but my mother always would tell me, "When you're a mother, you're going to understand so many more things." Well, she was right. That made our relationship change, and we became a little closer. She's still my mother, so of course, I'm going to keep rolling my eyes whenever she tells me something I don't like, but now I appreciate everything she did to get me where I am so much more.

Disney / Via media.tenor.com

Hunger and nausea go hand in hand.

I'm one of the lucky ones who has never thrown up during my pregnancy (*knocks on wood*), but that doesn't mean I didn't have some terrible nausea. What I've come to realize is that you can have the biggest urge to vomit in the world, and it might actually just be a sign that you're hungry.

That's right; whenever I'd go three hours without eating, my stomach would have a tantrum, and I'd feel terrible until I ate.

NBC / Universal / Via img.buzzfeed.com

Speaking of which, prenatal vitamins can also mess with your stomach.

I learned this the hard way by taking my vitamins on an empty stomach. I felt like throwing up and had a stomach ache almost immediately. Now, I always make sure I've had a good meal before taking them.

It's also worth noting that these vitamins make your pee turn neon yellow, which is a weird and necessary evil, I guess.

TLC / Via k44.kn3.net

Your bladder will become your own worst enemy.

As soon as I found out that I was pregnant, I would start waking up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. At first I thought it was just the stress that was waking me up, but I quickly learned that wasn't the case - apparently, going to the bathroom in the middle of the night is common both in the first and third trimesters of your pregnancy. For someone who used to NEVER wake up in the wee hours of the morning, this new symptom wasn't well received.

Netflix / Via s3.amazonaws.com

There are no dumb questions.

It felt like I always had a billion questions: How far along was I? What could I eat? When should I have each of these doctor's appointments? Was I allowed to sunbathe?

I turned to Google for many of these answers, and it was a relief to see that I wasn't the first one to wonder about these questions by far. It goes without saying that Google isn't scientific at all and that, if you really do have a serious question, you should ask a doctor. Luckily, my midwives always replied to everything through e-mail, and they probably still laugh every time they get a new message from me.

Nintendo / Via media.tenor.com

Once you start shopping for "pregnancy" things, the reality really sinks in.

One of my favorite purchase was this cuddly, full body pillow that allowed me to actually sleep again My husband and I even named it Bill, and it's already a part of the family.

It might sound dumb, but little purchases like this one helped me realize that not only was I just not having my period, but also I had a little human growing inside my belly.

Amazon / Via amazon.com

Just thinking about exercise will tire you out.

I knew I couldn't spend entire days laying on the sofa and had to do ~something~. So I bought a Fitbit to track my steps each day and to push me to walk more.

At first, my goal was to hit 8,000 steps, which would be a few miles walking. Little by little, I started adding more by taking the dogs out for a longer walk, or walking instead of taking the subway. The Fitbit also helped me track how long and how deeply I sleep, which helps me figure out whether I had a rough night beyond just taking stock of how I felt when I woke up.

Fitbit / Via i.makeagif.com

Hiding a growing belly can be pretty stressful!

One day, when I woke up, my husband said to me, "Whoa, you're pregnant." Apparently my tummy had finally decided to pop out and say hi! So my first thought was "How am I going to hide this now?" because I wasn't yet ready to announce the pregnancy at my workplace. For a while there, getting dressed in the morning was the hardest task of the day.

But once we told all of our friends and coworkers, getting dressed went back to being fun and non-stressful.

Conz Preti / Via BuzzFeed

You'll have the urge to read every maternity book you can get your hands on.

Reading a bunch of books was useful to prepare for the coming months and to get a wide range of recommendations for all kinds of people.

For example, I read Mam Natural (Natural Mom), which is super hippie and advises pregnant women not to spend too much time near cellphones or Wi-Fi. To me, that sounded impossible to me, and I didn't find much info to back it up. On the other hand, I read Expecting Better, where they demystify things like whether coffee drinking is okay with scientific studies.

Nickelodeon / Via deadspin.com

You'll regularly switch between laughing and crying in mere nanoseconds.

If there was one thing I wasn't ready for, it was the mood swings. It felt like constantly being on a roller coaster where I literally didn't know how I was going to react to anything. I'd find myself crying in the subway for no reason, or going from laughing with my husband to crying inconsolably and not being able to explain why. I even yelled at my parents for the high crime of asking me about baby names.

Walt Disney Pictures / Via tumblr.com

BUT, finally seeing that lil alien inside of you will help make sense of all the madness and anxiety.

I'm not the kind of person who gets emotional when they see other people's babies and want to hold them. Not at all. To be honest, I'm not big on kids in general. But seeing my son kicking inside my belly after just 11 weeks of pregnancy softened me a little, and it made everything I've lived through so far completely worth it.

Conz Preti / Via BuzzFeed

This post was translated from Spanish.

More

[justjoeyyy-blog-blog]

Day 30-35

6-13-17 Day 30: I was told that I wasn't approved to leave a week before my sign off date for my cousins wedding and papas birthday. My mom already bought my plane ticket and everything. My mom emailed the lady who denied the request so hopefully something can be changed. We're technically over staffed so there's no reason for it to not get approved. I would only be leaving a week early, that's it. I also went to st Nicholas (the resort) and laid out. It was so relaxing. And it feels good to wake up and not sleep all day. After work me and Rain went to the crew mess to see what food they had. We started walking and saw something weird from the side door. So we kept walking and sitting there was an entire pig completely cooked and cut open. It was terrifying. And it was stuffed with all of this weird stuff. I completely lost my appetite. Tomorrow is day at sea so it's gonna be a long day. And of course I'm still awake at 3am. It's hard when I don't get off until 1ish and I'm wide awake. 6-14-17 Day 31: sea days fucking suck. I started at the slide. We have 3 with only a worker at 2 of them. Some random worker comes up to me and just hands me a walkie talkie and then walks away. Doesn't say a word. I was switching through all of the channels until I finally heard a police signal. They were looking for a red mustang and were saying all of these codes. I was so confused. Finally I found a worker and asked him which station I should be on. I then had a parent come up to me complaining about how there wasn't an attendant on the little slide. He said there were tons of kids getting hurts as well as one of his. He was not happy and was putting it out on me. I apologized and said I would let someone know. And at this time I didn't know which channel we were supposed to use for the walkie talkie. The communication here is terrible. And the language barrier obviously doesn't help. Some girl came up to me and said you're the first American worker I've met! Which is true. We have a steward that comes and makes our beds everyday and changes the towels. For the past 4 days he's come in and made my bed as well as given us fresh towels but has not touched rains bed. We never see our steward so we haven't been able to ask him. It's so confusing yet so humorous at the same time. Our room looks so nice and then rains bed is all over the place because he hasn't touched it! We have this thing where guests can submit feedback and if they mention our name we get a shout out. If we get 10 shout outs we get a day off. I got 2 last week and 1 this week. It seriously feels so good that I was the reason someone had an amazing vacation. And that these guests went out of their way to recognize me and my hard work. A mom came in today and gave me and Alina gifts. They were rocks she had painted herself. They were so cool. She was Israeli too 😋 I met a family in camp today. They have 9 kids and another one that passed away. Their mom home schools them because they're moving to Honduras in September for a mission trip and are living there for a year. The oldest is 21 and the youngest is 1. It's so cool to get to know these families. And when the kids hug us goodbye and the parents thank us and truly mean it, it's means the world to me. I also met another family with 9 kids. It's crazy to me. And the youngest 2 were twins and were so cute yet so annoying. I miss my kids back at home so much. Typical kids are so annoying and have so much drama. My kids at home are exciting and bring something new to me everyday. There's actually a huge amount of kids who come on the boat who have autism but I don't always have them in my age group. Right now it's 3:03am. I went to crew bar after work. I met a new girl a few days ago from Tennessee. Her name is Candace. She sings in one of the bands. She's super nice and I love having another American around. Because she's a singer she has her own room. Today we got a list of boats and the positions they need. Rain and Alina are signing on to the breeze in September and October. That boat has a circle c position starting in November which is a huge possibility for me. I need to request it tomorrow before it's too late. I need to find somewhere to bring my laptop and eat where there's good wifi. Thankfully packages will come tomorrow too. I haven't been taking a few of my medications the past few days because I ran out and they didn't get here in time. Which is probably why I had a bladder spasm today and yesterday. NOT GOOD. Also got some paperwork today that said MR again. I've corrected them so many times and they can't get it right. Kinda like the Filipinos (I finally spelled it right) who don't know the difference between he and she and her and him. The notes they write to the parents are comical. "You child great. She love play with toy. The boy make a friend and has polite." No joke that's what they say. There's also tons of mistakes in the schedules we give out to guests which is super frustrating. This week my name wasn't on the schedules given out to the parents which sucks because they reference those when it comes to writing reviews. There was names of 2 girls who I've never even met...aka they were on the boat 2 months ago. If I see a mistake I just circle it and put it on our supervisors desk so she doesn't know who did it. Oops 😶 I want it to be tomorrow so I can sleep and get stuff done! I also forgot to write about what happened this morning. In the Kiera of my dead sleep I hear loud weird music. I sit up and realize it's coming from the announcements. The bridge (where the captains are) accidentally turned their awful music on and everyone who was in their cabins could hear it. It went on for a good hour as I smashed my head between the pillows. It was comical at first and then I was just flat out furious. 6-15-17 Day 32: today I got off in Long Beach by myself. I took an uber to a local outlet mall where I sat at Starbucks and got some stuff done with the wifi. We were given a list of positions needing to be filled for the rest of the year so I went and did some research on all the boats. I also set up my account on how to get paid from here. They give us a debit card that the money goes on. We can do direct deposit but it wasn't working for me :/ I also sent my dad a Father's Day gift card online. Then I went across the street and ate at California pizza kitchen. I got to face time my mom and update my phone and stuff. Then I learned there's a bus that I could've used for free that goes from the terminal to the outlets. Poop. I didn't know how to use it though so I just took an uber back too. I asked my supervisor about requesting a boat and she said I can't do it until I have my evaluation. When I asked her when my evaluation would be she said "before you leave" well no fucking shit before I leave. I told her the position I want is going to be taken by then and she didn't respond and just kept looking at her computer. She's such a shitty person it's like humorous. We have this other lady we work with who acts like she's our supervisor and she's not. I've literally never even had a conversation with her yet she thinks she can boss us all around. She confronted me about how I turned off the tv and how I didn't do it right. There was a sign saying to not turn off with a certain button and that's the one I turned it off with. Obviously if I would've saw it I wouldn't have touched it. It was a mistake lady...speaking of mistakes, so we are all required to write notes to the parents about their kids and how they've been doing (it's meant to help us get good ratings) well today I decided to read some and I was totally taken aback. These people do not know how to speak English. I felt embarrassed giving them out to the parents because the letters make absolutely no sense at all. It's so awkward. And one of the ladies wrote all the same things on all the cards and put a line where a name would be. Once she met the kids she went in and wrote their names on the line. Like obviously a parent is gonna know what that means, it means everyone is being given the same card and they're just going in and writing all the names down which isn't the point of them. Went to go pick up my packages today and my medication still isn't here. So I haven't been on 3 of my medications since Sunday. And my mom called Sunday and they said they would over night them here which obviously didn't happen. None of them are super serious but I've definitely been getting bladder spasms now that I'm off one of the medications. I'm also off my thyroid medicine as well as my medication that helps me stay awake during the day. I'll have to call my mom tomorrow and tell her but there's nothing she can do because we can't get mail until Sunday. 6-17-17 Day 34: I had no time to post yesterday. I've been so exhausted I sleep every chance I can. Even when I need to eat a meal or shower I've just been sleeping instead because it's so needed. There's been so much unnecessary drama around here it's crazy. Yesterday we had a mom come in asking to talk to "Ms Candy" because supposedly she called her daughter big and chubby. We apologized to the mom on behalf of ms candy (she wasn't there anymore) and explained to her that there's a language barrier and was probably the main reason behind the comment. The mom was understanding but that's hard for a 10 year old girl to hear. I can't believe our playlist cast is leaving tomorrow. I've gotten to know all 8 of them so well. It's very bittersweet. I'm excited to see how the new cast performs though. It's hard to imagine that anyone could possibly do any better than what we have now. I met a family yesterday who has 5 biological children and fosters 3 on top of that. And their youngest son has autism, so of course I'm already obsessed with them. It's crazy how many kids come on the boat who have autism. I love being able to interact with them. Everyone always asks me advice on how to work with them and make it a great experience for the child. I seriously talk about my kids back at home so much I feel like everyone is so sick of hearing it lol. I saw a shit ton of dolphins today. They were right next to the boat. I might get off tomorrow and go to the beach at Long Beach. I HAVE to get my hair cut it's like humorous how awful it looks. It's like I'm a human paintbrush and my hair is the bristles. Rain did my laundry with hers :p so blessed lol. I went to the candy store today on board. They have the cutest stuff there. They're starting to put them on all the ships. We have some people from the office on the boat. They told us that they have 4 new boats that they're working on. They said eventually they're gonna have a boat that sails to china. I'm actually really content on work at the moment. Yeah I'm really tired but moving in with Rain has helped a lot. It feels good to have someone I can go do stuff with and I conveniently always know where she is. There's obviously a lot of negatives about my work environment and my supervisor who has a stick up her fucking ass, but there's so many positives that come with it as well that make this experience so much fun. I worked night owls this whole week (10pm-1am) last pickup time is 1245 and the parents are told this every time. Yet we still are calling parents at 1 having to remind them that their children are in our care and they need to come pick them up. It's so irresponsible. And half the time the parents are wasted. Parents are also allowed to check out a phone but just return them before 10pm on the last night which never happens either. Tonight one of the late parents came in and literally just threw his trash on the ground. These poor kids are passed the fuck out, so tired, and their parents leave them there all night. I'm off now and I'm eating at crew mess alone. Which I'm okay with besides the stares. I've had a headache all day though so I needed to eat something. We have to be at a meeting tomorrow at 930 to meet with some people from the office. I seriously need to sleep in so badly but not sure when that's gonna happen. I start in circle c tomorrow. It's so weird switching back and forth. And being alone in there is hard as well. Especially during high count which is now. 6-19-17 Day 35: I finally got my haircut yesterday. Winslow picked me up. Got about 3-4 inches off. The lady charged me way too much though and she didn't even wash my hair. I was so mad. I didn't question it though because I was in a rush ugh. I started my week at circle c yesterday. No joke had 30-40 kids in there at one time it was not okay. One of the moms asked if I was alone and when I said yes I could tell she was worried for me. She told me I was doing a good job though which was nice. A lot of the kids think they're too cool for my club and it makes me so mad. Like then don't come if you think it's too babyish. I got to sleep in today 🙌🏾 I had a training at 130 that only lasted 30 minutes. Such a waste of time I could've been sleeping! It was an environment training. They train us on the weirdest things. Yesterday 2 of the people from the office came. They're the ones that hired me. I talked to one of them about not getting approved to leave for my cousins wedding and she's going to look more into it for me. She thinks the week I'm requesting to leave we'll actually be overstaffed because of an event on board so it may work in my favor! We got to talk to one of the ladies about issues we're having. She said Circle c is going to be getting an iPad that kids can request songs on. Right now we're using cds...and the most recent is from 2015. The office thought we had one this entire time...she was also confused as to why I was only here for 3 months and why I'm switching on and off from camp to circle c every week. Seems like the office doesn't know their shit. Even today when I signed in at my training it said my position was club O2. And the other day one of my papers said MR. So frustrating. It's 230 and I have work at 4. I'm gonna take a nap because I have nothing else to do and I'm tired af. Tonight I got to see the rock show with the new cast. Not. Good. They don't even come close to our old cast. It kinda made me so sad. People come and go here so fast it sucks. I have 2 brothers in my club. One of them has autism and the other one supposedly doesn't. The one who "doesn't" is out of control. He is constantly in my space and not listening to me. He asked me for just dance 16. I told him we didn't have it. He asked me at least 4 more times why we don't have it and if we have it. I told him no and then he asks if he can look in the office just to make sure we don't have it. I told him no and that they are not allowed in there in which he walked right in. There's also been numerous times where I've been talking to a parent and he'll come over and interrupt because he wants me to do something. I don't have a problem with having him in the club but I wish his parents would use a little common sense and supervise their kids more. They come and go as they please which is okay, but the mom never knows where they are and doesn't understand how their behavior towards me and the other kids is hard on everyone. At first the boys registered themselves so we didn't even know that one of them had a disability. On top of that I have tons of kids this cruise which makes it hard and I'm getting sick.