#in the same way i had joint problems before i was fat

[somecunttookmyurl]

and yes everyone at the time did try and peg this as some trauma response to my my mum dying when i was 6 and therapise me out of it like. cool theory! unfortunately you see i was Like This when she was alive

the very cool not at all annoying thing about having a parental death (or i guess really any singular major traumatic event? probably?) when you're very young is that people will literally blame every problem on that for the rest of your life forever. if you had symptoms syndrome before no you didn't

[carolmunson]

6✨

'i'm still here, and i'm still high and i'll still meet you in the middle of the night, but if you lie to me, lie to me, lie to me, i'm gone.'

exboyfriend!eddie from this laundromat blurb.

Tobacco wasn't the problem, it was the smoke. The smell it left on your clothes when you left the trailer, when you got out of his van. You had to go to Wash 'N Suds so often that you got bold enough to ask Marge for a discount and she laughed in your face.

"That's what you get for seeing that boy!" she shrugged.

Seeing that boy. Smelling that smell.

Sharp in your nostrils when you make your way out toward the pool at Steve Harrington's house -- Memorial Day bash that went real late into the night. Eddie always made a killing, pockets fat with cash that he'd hide in a box under the tattered tweed couch when he got home later -- unless he ended up passing out in the pool house, which happened more often than he'd like to admit.

Most people had left for the night, the singing of the crickets filling the air of the backyard with the soft woosh of the pool water being pushed by the breeze. Robin's raspy laugh echoes from the kitchen through the cracked sliding door.

And the flick of a lighter.

You head picks up and you see him on one of the pool chairs, sneakers and socks to the side of him while he pulls a drag of his cigarette. His hair is pulled up in a half pony-tail in a loose scrunchy -- you don't know whose it is. It's yellow -- yellow isn't really his color.

"Hi," he drawls out, blowing the smoke toward the pool.

"Hi," you mumble back, slipping your own lighter from your pocket and sitting at the edge, letting the water envelope your bare legs and feet up to just under your knees. You pluck the pre-rolled joint from your ear and hold it in your fingers to light the tip before bringing it to your lips.

"I didn't bring pre-rolls tonight," he questions, you can hear him shift on the plastic seat, "Where'd you get that?"

"My house," you respond, not turning around. Not that you need to, before you know it he's next to you, dunking his feet into the water haphazardly.

"Christ, Ed," you groan when the water splashes up past your knees, "Be careful." "Whaddya mean, your house?" he asks, taking the joint from your fingers and examining it closely, "You rolled this?"

"I rolled this," you nod, taking it back from him, "And if you don't mind, I'm gonna smoke it. In peace. By myself."

"Well excuuuuse me," he mumbles, hands up in surrender. He takes another drag of his cigarette while you finally get a hit, holding the smoke. You both exhale at the same time, the clouds catching in the light of the moon. The blend and dissipate over the the gentle roll of the water.

"So is this how it's gonna be now?" he asks quietly, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees in contemplating, "Us just igorning each other all night and arguing?"

"I dunno, Ed," you shrug, "Is it?"

You both take another drag, your exhales dance again.

"I dunno," he mumbles back.

The crickets sing and a new darkness settles over the backyard when the back porch lights go out and the kitchen light is flicked off. Steve, Rob, and Nancy likely getting ready to settle in for a movie after the last party patron left.

Eddie puts the cigarette out on the cobbled pool deck by his thigh, leaving the left over tucked in his ear, covered by stray curls that made their way out of the scrunchy.

"I miss you," he whispers.

You swallow, looking down at his cut off jean shorts and his ringed hand resting on the edge of the deck. The water nearly lapping up to kiss his fingers.

Warmth fills up in your chest, sliding down to your belly, legs, and arms. You aren't sure if it's from the first hit or from the shots you took earlier. You aren't sure if it's the light of the moon and the way the crickets sing on the eve of summer. You aren't sure if it's what he says, or the smell or smoke, or the way his curls fall around his face.

But your hand settles over his, fingers tangling up with each other.

"I miss you, too."

[thisisthinprivilege]

Background: for the past 2 years or so I've been dealing with some health issues, that have progressively been getting worse. I've been tired all the time, sleeping for 12 hours isn't enough, weak, had pain in all my joints and muscles (top to bottom), when I get home from work I lay on the couch until I get the strength to get ready for bed, and my most noticeable symptom is weight gain. Over the last 2 years I've gain almost 100 lbs in bursts, meaning I'll gain 50 lbs in 3 months, 2 months later I'll gain 70 lbs in 4 months, etc. obviously this isn't normal and I needed medical attention. Experience with doctors: over the past 2 years I've gone to about 5 doctors for these issues. They've refused me blood tests because these are all "symptoms" of weight gain, completely ignoring that my weight gain is a symptom. I even had a doctor refuse to treat me until I lost 75 lbs, he literally said he would even give me antibiotics for an infection if I didn't lose weight! The same guy also told me "of course your joints hurt, you're getting fat." Then, about 6 months ago I started getting horrible, can't get out of bed, crying all the time depression and decided to seak mental health services. My psychologist is wonderful (we've talked about fat phobia and she told me she knows sometimes bigger people are worried about talking over these issues with her because she's tiny, but she always tries her best to reassure us she is not a bigot and wants to help no matter what - she's the best). My psychologist thought I could use some meds, so she referred me to a psychiatrist, who is also amazing and probably the best doctor I've ever been to. We started talking about mental and physical symptoms and he asked me why I hadn't been to a doctor about the symptoms I was having, I told him the story, he became visibly angry, and said those people shouldn't be doctors if they don't want to help people! The psychiatrist tested my blood for everything, I had to give 5 tubes. Last week, after 2 years, I got the results. It turns out I have a significant vitamin D deficency, which cause all of these symptoms, both physical and psychological. All I needed were supliments that you can buy anywhere. I've only been taking them a week and I already feel amazing, including less hungry, no sugar cravings, and way more energy. There are good doctors who will treat you, unfortunately some of us have to live with horrible pain for years before we can find them. I can't help thinking that if I had started at 100 lbs instead of 180, I wouldn't have had these problems getting treatment.

[jennyislander]

The difference a good physical therapist can make

So I have a thing. What is it? No idea. It could be two things. Diagnosing it or them requires me to not be managing the health crises of other family members at a time when I can also afford testing, so.

Anyway, I used to walk four miles pushing a stroller uphill both ways and then make dinner and do laundry. (I was fat, BTW.) I went on birdwatching hikes and camped. But starting mumbleteen years ago, slowly increasing chronic pain and joint softness and muscle spasms and my heart occasionally going like a jackrabbit in spite of obstinately normal blood pressure stole it all away. Now I have to ration my steps in order to get the absolute basics done.

In the midst of this slow fall, I had to fire my doctor. I was describing my symptoms and she interrupted me and told me to join a diet club. I had belonged to that specific club for years. Being in the club had reduced my weight, but had not prevented my pain from increasing or my mobility from decreasing. She did not want to hear it. Fat was my problem. Fat, fat, fat! So I fired her and never got a referral to anybody who might have helped. I just lived with it.

But I at last have confidence that this is going to change.

I had an acute attack of shoulder pain and immobility that got me a visit to a different doctor and a referral to a PT that I could afford. And this PT listened to me say "I am tentatively sure that I have fibro and/or some variety of bendy people disease, but I can't get a diagnosis RN" and instead of clucking at me about my ass size, she accepted that I had in fact been fat back when I spent all day outdoors and in motion, and showed me--this is the biggie--how to start again.

I had tried to "get more steps in" and "be more active" and "do cardio" and all I got was white-out pain, increased stiffness, and sometimes my legs collapsing, which is a thing they like to do. I had been following plans that assume a certain baseline that used to be my normal but is now higher than I can reach. The PT helped me map out my new baseline and then laid out a plan for getting above it.

The path is different for everybody. Some examples from my path:

To build strength, I first lay on my back and pressed a broomstick straight up. Then I did the same exercise sitting, then standing. Then I switched to 3-pound free weights. When those are easy, I'll add more reps. When those are easy, I'll go to 5-pounders. And so on. And if, at any point, stuff hurts? I can go back a step. I have an alternative to giving up.

In the same way, slopes and steps are unspeakably painful for me to walk on anymore but I miss walking. My PT helped me figure out how to just add a tiny bit more walking to my day. I park in a neighborhood that is flat, has a sidewalk, and has a lot of houses on small lots. I walked to the first driveway and back until it was easy. Then the second. I am working on getting to the third driveway. 15 more driveways after that. Take it slowly, she said. Don't push beyond your comfort zone, that's how you hurt yourself more. Don't focus on numbers of steps or calories burned or anything abstract. There's the driveway. Can you get there and back today? No? Can you do any driveways today? No? Then go back to what you could already do before you started seeing me. Just walk around the car. Practice your good posture and let yourself feel how good it feels to move within your comfort zone.

I am never going to climb mountains again; I know that. But for the first time in mumbleteen years, I have a reasonable hope that someday--I am aiming for the end of next summer--I will be able to just go for a walk. Maybe even uphill.

A PT who understands that your goal is not to recapture your youth or get skinny or something else externally validated is worth their weight in gold. She is helping me reach my true goal, being able to move my arms and legs in ways that feel good to me, regardless of what anybody else thinks of my looks. I expect my circulation will continue to improve and so will my strength and endurance. Who knows? My free weight set goes up to 35 pounds. If I keep on adding a little at a time...

If you are looking for a PT, I hope you find somebody who looks at you where you are and helps you start from there. I hope you find somebody who cares more about your joints and muscles than about your butt or belly fat.

[eddiexmunsn]

tw for major body image issues and talk of disordered eating

…

i cant buy weed until tomorrow so i had to scrounge for some bud from all of my roaches and this joint is bitter 😭 the things i do just to not feel overwhelmed in my own skin and harassed by my own brain

also i had an appointment with my psych today and she said we can’t do adhd meds just yet because we need to have an in person session before hand and i’m so frustrated i just want my brain to work efficiently but that seems to be way to much to ask for

also also my body dysmorphia is drowning me. i cant even leave the house and i have to go to work tomorrow. every time i’m eating i’m criticizing myself. i cant stop dabbling in the diet cycle. i’m just so exhausted, i’ve done so much work on myself and my relationship with my body. i’ve spent so much time reflecting and so much money addressing my problems yet i feel as though i’m still falling into the same holes.

i just want to love myself. and i’m struggling on being secure in the body neutrality stance i’ve been taking for the last few years. i think other bodies are so so beautiful, but my own? no. it’s unsafe to be in my body, uncomfortable and overwhelming to be present in my existence. and it’s not my body’s fault, she didn’t do anything to wrong. i want to believe it’s not my fault either, but i have a hard time not taking on the blame. it’s my responsibility to keep myself safe, and i didn’t. and now looking at myself in the mirror is not productive nor neutral. it’s an opportunity for criticism and skin picking until i’m miserable and bleeding and mourning my state of being.

at the convention i was just at, majority of the people there were smaller than me and i couldn’t stop looking at them. last year was the first year i experienced a convention with a minor heart problem, and i had a really hard time with my new reality. but this year was worse. it wasn’t just about my heart, it was about my body. my ankles are unreliable and in constant pain and i’ve gained more weight and i just want to scream and cry and disappear i don’t want to exist like this anymore. i want to be comfortable in my skin and feel healthy. i’m not saying that fat people can’t be health or are inherently unhealthy— i’m saying that IM unhealthy and i hate it.

i just want change. i want to be present in my body and take care of myself to feel better. i want to be able to buy clothes at target. i want to be able to look at myself in the camera and not cringe or have a pit in my stomach— a show of disappointment in myself. i want to be the person i want to be— and that includes looks. i don’t want to do it in a disordered way. i want to do it right, with the right intentions and support for myself. i want to listen to my body and take care of her. i dont want to starve myself or cut calories, i want to nourish myself with foods that make me feel good in the long run. i want a healthy relationship with food and to be able to rely on myself to take care of me. i want to be kind and patient with myself, not bitter and annoyed.

[the-most-golden-year]

Entry No. 26

So one of the things I've been trying to start doing at the same time of this writing project is start focusing more on what I eat. My actual diet really hasn't changed much; I've mainly just focused on portions. Trying to watch how much of something I take in a sitting, no matter if it's a meal or a snack.

The one thing that has changed is I've started watching the quality of what I eat. I've cut out a lot of options I used to fall back on, fast food being one of the big ones. There are times where I've had to fall back on it a little bit, but I'm very selective about the fast food I choose. I've practically dropped McDonald's, Taco Bell, all that shit.

The main place I go if I have to choose fast food now is Culver's. I realize not everybody is gonna know what that is, because it's not global, and to my knowledge, it's not even national in the US.

Culver's is essentially this burger joint around the Midwest that actually makes their burgers fresh. Like actually fresh, not the McDonald's, Burger King bullshit that everybody is used to. It's good shit, but again, I try to be selective about what I get. Like I've practically dropped their signature cheese curds and concrete mixers (their form of malt ice cream) entirely, because I know that shit is gonna fill up my stomach way too much.

But I'm also not falling back on it all the time. If and when I have Culver's, it's usually every other week now. Before I started being observant of my intake, that was like a once a week, sometimes even twice a week ordeal.

My point is it is easy to get unhealthily attached to simple things, especially when they're easily appetizing. And I'm not gonna sit here like I've cut down all my weight. Truth be told, I'm a bit chubby still. I've tried doing some cardio to run it off, but my appearance really hasn't changed much over the years.

But outward appearance comes second to the inner body, and if you're not treating your stomach right, no matter if you're skinny, fat, whatever, you're only hurting yourself.

Food, in a lot of ways, connects people too, both in good and bad ways. Some people only eat when they're high. Some people are social eaters, others can't eat around people at all.

But one thing is a universal; fake food will get you nowhere. Think of it like fake people. You ever have a "friend" that anytime you're around them, they make every problem in the world revolve around them exclusively?

That's what fake food does to you. You take one piece of it, and all one a sudden, all the other food takes second place, because there's a significant acquirability to something made fast and ready in seconds and minutes, rather than larger increments of time.

We are all also like food in that we all have shelf lives. It's important to keep ourselves clean, in order to let that life last longer. There's always time to be a better person and go out with a bang, rather than limping through life on Easy Street. That shit will make you sick at some point.

Of course, you can't tell anybody how to live, and everybody's body is different. So at the end of the day, if you're healthy in the relative sense, that's all that matters.

As for me, I plan to stick to my routine for a long time. Let's hope my efforts pull through.

-AJ

[salaciousdoll]

James Joint

Pairings ୨୧: underground Streetfighter/gang member! Draken x chubby!ring girl

Encapsulation ୨୧: Draken only has you in the back of his mind while fighting, so why don’t you give him a reward( win or lose)

Warnings ୨୧: smut, voyeurism, filming with and without consent, Olympus position( standing fuck), missionary position, oral fixated reader, the word daddy is used twice, oral( f & m receiving), breeding, cumming inside of mouth, grower Draken, cervix fucking, fingers in mouth, food play( lollipop), Violence displayed, praise and degradation, exhibition at the beginning of the make out section, shin is alive( I will always have him alive, sorry not sorry), everyone else is alive and with their timeskips respectively, ooc Toman ofc, Baji is alive and well just won’t participate in such activities like that.

Word Count ୨୧: 9.6k

18+ Hotties Allowed

Link to Ao3( if you want to read here)

This is for my Anti collab

The sunset was shining through the glass window hovering in front of your bed. The curtains were moving back and forth, the whisper of the wind flowing. When you took a deep breath your nostrils were filled with the smell of summer and you enjoyed it.

The bed covers slipped off your shoulders as you yawned. It was the start of the day. You had work today and honestly you were excited to go. It’s Toman vs. everyone night. The night could end in a hassle. It could maybe end positively or negatively.

You honestly were excited because of the little outfits you get to wear. The more skimpy the better. Your were a vixen who knew how to play dumb when convience is rising in depth.

Your body was above the standards in certain parts of the world but here in Japan, it was out of the standards. You couldn’t exactly shop at the stores and boutiques here like that because of your weight. So sometimes you make your own clothes or have to go far to shop. Back in the US, you had to do the same, you could only think of one store that contributes to all bigger size women: Ashley Stewart. Everybody knows they sell clothes for aunties and grandma's.

Sometimes you order from fashion nova and other sites if they have your size and that’s like 15% of the time. The point is that you had to make your own ring girl outfit.

The Toman fight club, Eden, was an underground fight club. They accepted all kinds of girls as the ring girl, doesn’t even matter her size either. Skinny, thick, or chubby/ fat, tall or short, they didn’t even care what race you were. That’s why there’s so many different people you have met there.

The underground club was huge and honestly you loved it. Whenever you had a problem with a man grabbing you in any way, one of the members would have no problem throwing them out. There was one man who kept dragging you somewhere but when he saw a man with short black hair and a fang hanging out his mouth, he moved away from you quickly.

You didn’t know what Toman did behind the scenes and honestly you didn’t care because you don’t talk to the members like that. You just talk to the boss, Manjirou Sano. Only to collect your check and bounce right after that.

The man had a white bandage on his hands and introduced himself as Baji Keisuke, one of the fighters and owner of the club. You made small conversation with him and honestly he was like a bulldog. They may be tough and wild at first because of the label and expectation of them, but once you get to playing and talking to them, they’re calm and playful. That was him.

There were plenty of memorable nights and now you were about to make more. You got out of bed and went to freshen yourself up with the smelling and valuable products you always use when you freshen up.

By the time you were finished getting dressed, you checked your outfit over in the mirror and grabbed your lollipop to suck on before walking out the house and driving to the Eden club. You hated your oral fixation so much because you had to be able to control it when you get inside your workplace because they didn’t let the workers eat anything other than the stuff they serve in the club. You could always eat there but you just wanted your lollipop.

Nightfall was rising and it was so packed on the outside of the club. The building was a tall glass skyscraper with glass windows all throughout the architecture. The double doors were tinted just like the windows. It had to be 5% tinted.

Once you stepped inside, multiple people that passed by gave you head nods or welcomed you verbally and physically. You were popular but not as popular as the other girls who were originally from here. You didn’t mind one bit.

You passed other groups that participated in fights. Most of them wore the same colors or suits. Each of the groups had girls and guys in their booth. Whatever people requested they got here at the Eden. Your bag of work attire and showering products were on your arms as you walked to the back not knowing that eyes were following your every move since you stepped in. Mikey was waiting on you, hell the whole Toman was.

Toman was a huge gang and so was the first generation of black dragons who was sharing a booth with them.

You heard that Toman were the predecessors of the black dragons and you have seen why since you met Mikey and Shinichiro. They were brothers and owners of the club.

Tenjiku and Rokuhara Tandai were in the club along with other gangs and yakuza’s. The place was surrounded by gangsters and you minded your business and stayed out of the way. You didn’t know about the gangs like that and wasn’t gonna find out since you had your own shit to deal with. Only time you get fucked with is when somebody from one of those gangs tries to talk to you.

They watched your body disappear in the back before letting out huffs and puffs while looking at each other or around the club, nodding some of their heads at other gang members they got along with.

“ She’s so damn gorgeous, maybe not the standard here but God is her beauty, something out of books. I’m so glad you hired her Mikey.”, Smiley says with his hair tied in a ponytail.

Mikey chuckled before throwing back his drink on the rocks, “ I didn’t hire her, my brother did.”

“ Gotta make sure to thank Shinichiro then. Fuck, I’ll be right back.”, Smiley says, setting his drink down while Souya was shaking his head while a girl, on his lap, fed him her cherry from the Martini she ordered.

He knew exactly where Smiley was going: to soak his dick into some warm pussy. Probably from one of their ring girls or waitresses. The thought of being in between your legs was enough for him to get a huge boner.

Mitsuya laughed while drumming his fingers on the table, “ I don’t blame him but still the thought of it is disgusting. He has to have some self control, he always gets off when she arrives.”

Draken smirked while looking over the club, seeing men in the ring fighting, women conversing with men, and so on, “ Well, he’s smiley. I’m surprised Shinichiro or Kazutora weren't the ones to get boners from her.”

Draken was always watching you. He wanted you but whenever you two spoke to each other, it was small conversation. He just wishes he could let you in and you could let him in. You didn’t let any of them in, now that he thought about it.

When Mikey said they had a new girl, he wasn’t expecting someone like you. You captured attention everywhere you went, most of it positive while the other is negative of course.

Shinchiro smirked while a girl was sucking on his neck, “ This is why, right here. Isn’t that right, baby?”

She smiled before rising up to kiss him on the lips, “ That’s right, baby. She isn't as pretty as me, but she’s still pretty.” They all rolled their eyes because they knew it was a lie but didn’t say anything.

Baji nudged Kazutora who was still staring at the girl who waved at him when he stopped paying attention to where you disappeared to, “ Come on, dude, just go talk to the woman. You’re drooling. Tell him to go talk to her Chifuyu!”

Baji hit Chifuyu on his arm, making the black hair men grab his arm, “ Why do I have to tell him, he’s a grown man now, he knows what he wants and he knows how to get it.”

“ Draken-kun, are you sure you want to fight today?”, Takemichi asks with worry. Draken furrowed his eyebrows before staring at him and whispering, “ Something happened in the future didn’t it? Tell me.”

Takemichi wanted to cry because of the glare the man was bestowing on his face, “ No, I’m just saying since you and Emma broke u-”

“ Leave it. Leave it alone, that was three months ago, Takemichy. She moved to Europe and I’m here. It’s not gonna work so forget like I did. Now I’m gonna head out to get ready for this fight.”, Draken says with a tone that said whatever he was saying was a lie. It was deep and mellow. Mikey and Takemichi shared a look before Mikey shook his head at Takemichi, telling him to leave it alone as they watched Draken walk off to get ready for his match.

30 minutes later, you were freshening up in the locker room after your shower. You were so glad they had showers here in this locker room because you always wanted to make sure you are clean everywhere before you go out as the ring girl.

You had to put on a black ring girl attire with white tennis shoes. Your shorts either cover your puffy stomach or uncovered it leaving your pudge out. Your choice.

Your manager told you that you’re accompanying the next match. It was Draken from the Toman gang vs. Joao from the rokuhara tandai gang. You knew this was about to be a clean swipe because of Draken’s brutal strength.

“ Hey girl, you’re ready?! You look so pretty.”, aqua said while hugging you. She was a part of the group you were in. The “ big girl” group. The label came from the other girls and guys which you didn’t mind until they used it as insults.

You smiled and hugged her back with a nod of your head, answering her question about being ready, “ hey babes, help me with the spandex.” You added spandex to your shorts to stop it from rising up and showing your ass cheeks. You had panty hose that matched your skin complexion, but still, you didn’t want to give these men a show of your ass this soon.

She helped you with your spandex and you were about to thank her when Yuzuha came back there to say they’re ready for you. You used to have a small crush on your manager, but never got the chance to act on it. She’s too fucking pretty for her own good.

You kissed Aqua cheek before walking off, “ Wish me luck, bubbles.” She smiled at your nickname before wishing you luck using your nickname she gave you. You two were close but not close. You couldn’t explain it.

You walked behind Yuzuha as she conversed with other managers and people around her. You walked past the tenjiku gang and could feel their eyes on you as you walked past. The feeling of being watched is nothing new even outside the club, yet it still has an effect on you. You were confident and insecure, there’s an in between here and that’s where exactly you are. Your insecurities never showed unlike your confidence when in others presence.

“ brother, you think Mikey will give her to us if Izana asks?”, Ran asks Rindou. They both had girls on their lap while Kaku had a guy feed him grapes and a girl on his lap kissing his neck. Kaku didn’t care about your gender, he just wanted grapes.

“ No, she’s a big deal for him, you should know that Ran.”, Izana answered. Koko snorted at him while staring out at the crowd, “ of course he wouldn’t know that.”

Muto wasn’t even listening but Shion couldn’t stay in his seat for nothing, Mochi had to stop making out with someone to yell at him to sit the hell down.

You heard the names of the two stars everyone is betting on being introduced and knew in less than thirty seconds you’ll be out there holding up the number sign Yuzuha is handing over to you now.

The crowd roared with great vehemence of this fight. You saw Draken with a white tank top and white tape covering his knuckles. His veins on his arms were highlighting his arms. The black hair was in a little bun on his head. He looked very good and you wanted him then. He was your target. You then looked at his opponent who has on a black shirt with tattoos on his neck and curly Afro on top of his head. You could easily tell he was Brazilian or Afro-Brazilian. He was tall just like Draken and good looking like him too.

You saw south and Mikey sitting beside each other with money displayed on the table. Winner takes all is all you think when you see how much money is on the table. While you were observing, you almost missed your beat.

You walked to the ring with your best smile on before ascending up the stairs. Once you stepped inside the ring, loud screams and hoots were heard as you raised the number one up. You twirled around with a pretty big smile on your face, no matter if you had crooked teeth, gaps, braces,or a missing tooth . Your smile was still gorgeous, especially to Draken. He was staring at you like you were his opponent and partner in one.

Everyone whistled, hooted, and yelled out praise and cheers when you did one final twirl before giving the two stars their floor.

South laid back in his seat with a cigarette in his mouth and both arms spreaded. He smirked at your appearance and looked over at Mikey before taking out the cigarette, exhaling the smoke, “ How much?”

Mikey looked over at him after seeing Draken hit Joao first, “ how much for what?”

“ How much for her company as a waitress for me? Let’s have a fair trade, I give you one of my waitresses and you give me her. She’ll do better as a waitress at my club anyways.”, South says as his men cheered on Joao in the back

Mikey looked back at you sitting beside Yuzuha before looking over at Sanzu giving the pink-haired guy a nod, “ She’s not going anywhere. She’s not an object so you can’t trade nor buy her.”

Mikey turned back to the fight to hype up Draken who was now spitting blood out on the floor from the jab Joao threw at him. South let out a loud laugh, “ since when do you all care about these women.”

Inui looked at him with a neutral expression, “ since now, leave her out of this bet.” It wasn’t the truth, they always cared for the women in the club and it wasn’t gonna change. They especially cared for you because some of them liked you too much. Hint hint, Draken, Sanzu, Mikey, and Mitsuya.

South shook his head as he watched the fight, just to see Draken hit Joao with a right hook and uppercut combo. Just like that, he was knocked out.

South couldn’t show any weakness in front of Mikey and Toman. So, he shook it off and bounced his leg up and down before whistling at a girl to get her to ease his mind while he watched the fight.

Izana watched the fight with a smile on his face while he drank his drink, “ Gotta say this is quite entertaining. You could see the anger in his eyes, look at little Draken go.”

“ Yeah, but I’m sure I won’t be losing like Joao over there, one of his teeth flew out his mouth as soon as he KO’d.”, Hanma says, knowing he could keep up with Draken. Draken was his arch nemesis for a reason. He enjoyed fighting him.

A second round was about to get started so Yuzuha handed you a sign with the number two on it. In the ring, Joao was getting situated after waking up from the shouts of anger from his gang and team feeding him water. You would think this is a UFC match but it’s not. It’s just a street fight basically.

Back over at Toman and the black dragons, Benkei spoke, “ That must be embarrassing for South and his little gang.” He too had women surrounding him. Takeomi smirked, “ Oh well, the money is all Mikey’s now since we know where this is going even if they start the second round. It’s useless to even go to the second round.”

Shinichiro was too busy trying to get the girl on his lap to laugh rather than engaging with his group so Mikey spoke up, “ awh come on, give them a chance and besides we get to see princess hold up the sign like right now.”

Everybody turned to look at you and followed every moment you made. Every step you made your body vibrated and they couldn’t wait until they had you in their grasp. It doesn't even matter what gang they’re in.

You walked in the ring holding up the number sign with a huge smile on your face making the men holler and whistle at you again. They came for the match and to see the ring girls, you just happened to be one of their favorites tonight.

You were surprised because you didn’t think they would even be rowdy for you considering you’re an outsider, but all is well.

You got out the ring and soon they started the second match. You admit that the sight was scary because the anger and heat inside their hands and eyes were on another level. It’s like they were trying to kill each other, especially during the third and final round. Everybody was out of their seats looking at the fight with either sweat clouding their foreheads or excitement clouding their eyes and movements.

Draken had a busted lip and a dark circle was forming on his eye while Joao looked fucked to the max. He had both eyes closed, bloody nose, and busted mouth. You honestly wanted to know how he was still up, but you would soon regret questioning that when Draken finally took a big swing and knocked him down.

It was brutal and honestly you enjoyed it. When he won, you heard glasses being broken and shouts. You were ready to duck but Draken caught your eyes with his as his arms were raised. He suddenly pointed a finger at you, you wanted to believe that it was for someone behind you, but no one was behind you at the moment.

You didn’t know it but you were his good luck charm. You were the only thing on his mind while he was fighting Joao. He was fascinated by you and had to have you with him. Everybody soon followed where he was pointing too and grew confused. Meanwhile you turned around and went to the back to get ready to go since this was your only match you had to be a ring girl for tonight.

You spoke to him a few times and each time you grew to know a little about him or he’ll just say hey. There’s no in between.

“ Girl!, I know you seen that man, go get him.”, Aqua says when she follows you to the back room. You shrugged before speaking, “ Why should I, he just pointed at me, nothing special.”

“ Forget that, did you see the crowd for you tonight.”, Yuzuha says to you while grabbing your shoulders, slightly shaking you. You smiled at her, “ Yeah they were pretty rowdy tonight.”

“ Yeah, you’re about to head out now?”, Aqua says with a pour trying to get you to stay. You snatched her lip while she groaned in pain, “ Yes, I gotta do something, it’s been bothering me for a hot minute.” You let go of her glossy lips which made her rub her bottom lip, “ That hurts and you’re hurting me more by not staying with me tonight.”

Yuzuha left since she had to direct another girl to the ring for the second fight. You turned to aqua, “ You’ll be fine, Yuzuha and Tiffany are still here.”

She playfully pushed you on your way to the bathroom. You needed to change asap since you got that stuff back at home.

Meanwhile Draken and the rest were in the locker room he was in while a nurse patched and cleaned his wounds after his shower. It’s been 45 minutes and honestly it’s been the longest 45 minutes ever since he was getting patronized with taunts and questions he dodged.

Baji was flirting with her while she was trying to get her job done before he turned his attention to Draken, “ What was that tonight, Draken?”

Draken sighed before looking up and wincing a bit, “ nothing you need to be concerned with.” Baji scoffed while Smiley put a smirk on his face, “ You’re hitting that?”

“ Smil-”, Takemichi yelled before Baji yelled at him to shut up. Draken sighed and thanked the nurse before walking her to the door. Once he shut the door and came back to his spot, he saw everyone waiting on the answer they either wanted to hear and didn’t want to hear because of jealousy.

Draken huffed, “ No, we’re not fucking but I plan to take her home tonight. She was my good luck charm even if we talked for about as many times as I can count on my fingers.” He grabbed his bag and said his goodbyes before catching you walking out the building at the same time once he got out the elevator.

You were about to make it to your car with your lollipop stick in your mouth when you heard your name being called by a deep voice, “ Wait up!” You turned around to see a freshly cleaned up Draken with his black hair in a ponytail with two strands down his forehead. He was so handsome right now, even with a black eye and busted lip.

You were happy to be going home because then you’ll fix your oral fixation by chewing on the lollipop stick you couldn’t chew on in the club because it was against the rules to have anything in your mouth outside of the club. You understood why because some people carry razors in your mouth or under their tongue inside their mouth.

“ So, you were just gonna leave without taking me with you. Come on, you were my good luck charm for a reason.”, Draken says with a smirk on his face.

You raised an eyebrow, “ Are you asking to come home with me so we can fuck or talk?” Draken almost burst out laughing at your boldness. You didn't have a filter and he loved that.

“ Well, if that’s my reward for winning, why not?”, Draken asks while grabbing your keys from your hands, surprising you. He unlocked your car and grabbed your hand to move you to the side before opening the door. He gestured for you to give him your bag and get in. As you got in,you kept eye contact with him while sucking on your second lollipop you managed to put in your mouth as he opened the door for you.

He leaned down and whispered in your ear, “ Here or your house or even mine? You pick, my good luck charm need to make me even happier by giving me a chance to fuck you until you are shaking underneath me. This isn’t liquid courage talking either baby.”

Your ears and cheeks were heating up and you hated it, but he’s right. Plus, you needed a stress reliever other than weed, so he’s the perfect opportunity. You stared up at him before taking the lollipop out to say, “ Get in, I’m sure somebody’s gonna watch after your bike and bring it to your house, leave your keys with them.” He did just that and got in the car to ride to his house, giving you directions along the way while touching your thighs and kissing your knuckles as he had your hand you weren’t driving with. You weren’t about to bring him to your house for reasons you couldn’t say, now.

Once you arrived at his penthouse, which was a part of one of Toman’s headquarters. He told you to stay in the car while he got out and walked to your side as you turned the car off and took your keys. Draken opened the door on your side and grabbed your hand to bring you out of the car. He closed the car and you locked it before looking up at the building.

“ It’s big isn’t it? Now come on so I could show you something else that’s big.”, Draken says, dragging you along. He nodded his head at the receptionist lady before dragging you to the elevator while ignoring her concerns about the rest of the members.

He stroked the back of your hand while looking up at the numbers on the elevator. You looked over at him before stepping closer to him, “ I always wanted to make out in an elevator, you know?”

Draken smirked before grabbing you by your neck and pushing your back to the wall behind you, “ Then it’s your lucky day, princess.”

He smiled at you, actually showing his teeth with his eyelashes showing instead of his eyes since he had them closed. He opened them back up, making you look into his charcoal eyes, “ May I? We have 30 more stops until we get to the penthouse.”

You nodded, which caused him to take the lollipop stick out your mouth and kiss your plump gloss or lip balm lips with his smooth lips. Draken swirled his warm tongue over the shape of your lips making you gasp, which is what he wanted, to be let in.

Your bottom lip got pulled in between his teeth prior to him twirling his tongue around yours. You whimpered against him when you felt his dick get rock hard near the zipper of your pants. He got hard just off kissing you, nobody was able to get him hard from that.

He pulled away to catch his breath, you huffed out before looking at him with low eyes. You wanted him now. Draken grabbed your right leg and wrapped it around his waist preceding to doing the same to your left leg, holsting you up against the wall with his big vein hands under your thighs this time.

He smashed his lips back into yours. You two were having a slow pace kiss with roughness involved during the lip bits you both shared with each other. Your hands reached up to his black silk ponytail while twirling your tongue around his before sucking on it making him moan at the feeling of his tongue being sucked into your mouth like a vacuum.

You two played with each other's tongues as you had five more stops to go. Draken loved the feeling of your lips on his. They were full and plump compared to his just being plump. The taste of your saliva was so sweet due to the lollipops you suck on. He caught on to you bucking your hips into him as you undid his ponytail. He also noticed your little fixation on sucking on his tongue so he pulled away to analyze you, “ You have a fucking oral fixation, don’t you? You dirty little girl.”

You whined to his insult because you were turned on even more at his realization and his words. You meekly nodded your head, which caused him to laugh before shaking his head. You felt judged and it wasn’t the best feeling nor was it the worst, in this situation.

“ Stick out your tongue”, Draken says. You two didn’t even realize 4 people were in the elevator until you heard someone move. You became heated as your eyes moved around his head and saw the blonde hair you dreaded to see, “ How did you get here before me Mikey?”

Draken's baritone voice went straight to your pussy as he kept looking at you while speaking to Mikey. How did he even know it was him, it was beyond you, “ Ken-chin, you should know that when you left, I and the three next to me left to see what’s going on at the headquarters and wanted to talk about deals we could have with each other as truce’s.

You didn’t notice the other three men until you felt a thumb under your chin and blue eyes looking at you with a devious smirk on his face, “ Gotta say, linda, you are even more fascinating knowing that you have an oral fixation.” South Terano, the leader of Rokuhara.

“ Who could’ve ever thought princess would be such a slutty girl with an oral fixation, save her for me too, Draken.”, Izana, the leader of tenjiku says. You looked over to see him and Shinichiro side by side meanwhile throughout all of this Draken was still waiting on you to follow his command as he stared at you.

This elevator was full of powerful men and you were flustered to the max at them speaking to you like they did. Shinichiro smiled and winked at you before turning around to walk off with the rest of them when they’re stop came.

Once the doors closed, you had two more stops to go before this man fucked your soul out your body, “ What the fuck did I just tell you?” You almost flinched at this harsh tone since it caught you off guard. You slowly stuck your tongue out and he smirked in victory.

“ Need a little more practice in listening, other than that, you’re good. My good girl. Stick it out a little more and open wide.”, Draken says. You did what he said and heard him tell you to try to hold yourself up against him and the wall.

He removed his hands from underneath your thighs preparatory to gobbling up spit in his mouth and spitting a glob of it in your mouth. He then pushed two fingers in your mouth, “ Suck.”

You gladly latched your mouth on his finger while looking at the numbers on the elevator wall. You had one more floor now. Draken pushed his fingers deeper into your mouth causing little tears to well up on your lash line due to how deep they were going in your mouth. Your Gags were his favorite song now and he couldn’t wait to hear the sounds of dick sucking coming from your album.

The door opened and you were welcomed by darkness as he let you down while taking his wet, saliva filled finger out of your mouth. He grabbed you and dragged you out of the elevator before pushing you against the wall while kissing you.

He reached his hand behind you and turned on the lights, knocking down the lamp without a care in the world. He was ready to fuck you. You’ve been on his mind ever since he saw you the first day you started work and he wasn’t gonna let you forget that tonight.

You and Draken kept playing tug of war with clothes while keeping contact with each other's lips. It was like you were in a messy sex movie scene. This felt unreal.

“ Bend over and put that ass in my face while facing the city. My pretty girl deserves the prettiest view while I eat her out, after all, I’m having a pretty view too, wouldn’t want you to be lonely on that one, yeah?”, Draken commands, pointing at the black velvet chaise lounge chair with a white fur rug under.

You were about to walk to the chair when he grabbed your hand and then dug his other hand in a jar of suckers and other treats like a Skittles, Puchao fruit, and so many other treats, “ Here, suck on this while I suck on you, can you could do that f’ me, hmm?”

You smiled before nodding your head, only for Draken to grab your face, squeezing your chubby cheeks together, “ When I speak to you, I expect a sound or something else implying that you heard me, do I make myself clear princess?” You were about to nod until you cleared your throat, “ Yewsh.” You spoke while your cheeks were being squished together, luckily Draken understood you.

You took the sucker and walked to the lounge chair, you tugged your leg garments down before bending over on the chair showing your panties. The outline of your pussy was enough to make Draken cum inside of his undergarments. Your pussy was soaking through the fabric of your panties and he couldn’t wait to taste and touch you.

Draken grabbed a rainbow, heart-shaped lollipop out of his candy jar that he set up for Mikey since Mikey comes up whenever he has a hard time with a meeting. He walked over to you and grabbed your love handles prior to slipping his massive hands under your panties and pulling them down, “ I’m about to eat your pussy like I never ate before. This pussy is so pretty, fuck!”

He was mumbling to himself but you still heard him just as much as you felt the cold air hit your pussy. Draken slide your panties down your ankles and put them under the chair. You were going to have two reasons to come back, him and your panties. He was cocky and you’re the one who made him this way.

He took the wrapper off the sucker, he put the sucker in his mouth prior to rubbing your sucker on the opening of your pussy making you jump, “ Mmm.”

Draken smirked and started rubbing the sucker in circles against your shivering clit. It was practically shaking due to you trying to steady the sucker in your mouth.

Draken took the sucker off to flatten his tongue against your pussy, soon dragging his tongue up and down your slit, his nose bumped into your clit making you almost drop the sucker out of your mouth, “ You drop that sucker and we’re skipping Foreplay and going straight to fucking, roughly. No preparation. Nothing.”

His voice sent waves to your pussy as he placed butterfly kisses around your labia. He went back to licking and sucking on your pussy. His tongue moved in circles while his hands forced your hips back into him, creating little to no room for him to breathe, “ Aah, Draken your tongue is so long, I think I’m about t-to cum.”

Draken loved the sound of your voice right now, it was needy just like he wanted. He savored your cunt like it was the last meal on earth. Spit dripped down his chin as he sucked on your clit.

When Draken pulled away from your clit, he bit into it with gentleness, “ so fuckin’ good princess, you like when I tongue your pussy, hmm?” And he was indeed pushing his tongue in and out of your pussy while shaking his head left and right. The volant shakes were enough to make you shake and caused your mouth to open with a quickness.

You felt like your lungs were tightening against your rib cage as you tried to breathe, Draken moved his tongue in and out of you while the sucker rubbed your clit. He rubbed your clit with the sucker faster than before and you couldn’t take it, “ Ken, please’ I can’t take anymore, I’m cummin’. Please let me cum.”

The sucks and slurping sound never stopped as the lollipop and Draken moved at the same pace around your pussy. Your pussy tasted like heaven, not just from the lolllipop either, “ that’s it, make more pretty sounds for me, baby. Fuck I wish I could see your face . While . I’m. eating. you. out.” He punctuated every word while flicking his tongue over your clit. He occasionally sucked on it.

You couldn’t help but shake at the impact he was doing to your pussy. This is the best your pussy has been eaten. You started to see white when he took the sucker off and started spelling his name with his tongue, “ M’cummin daddy, I can’t hold on. It hurts so good.”

Draken slapped your ass and shook it when you fucked back into his face still sucking on the sucker as you do it. Draken’s face was the definition of slippery n’ wet. Your juices coated from the middle of his nose and on down. His lower half of his face was covered in pussy juice and semen from your pussy.

Your knees grew weak and your screaming now echoed across the room, “ Mmgh fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!! Yesss” Draken smirked when he saw you collapsed in the chair. Your body was shaped in a funny way, so he couldn’t help but to laugh.

Draken licked around his mouth to savor more of your taste before taking his finger to wipe the rest of your cum off his face, bringing his fingers to his mouth and sucking on it, “ We aren’t done but I’ll give you a few seconds to catch your breath.”

You bite into the sucker while laying on your stomach with your head up and your legs hanging off the lounge chair. Nothing but your crunches and Draken’s movements were heard. As soon as you swallowed the last bit of the sucker, you were turned to face Draken, “ Are you ready, princess?”

You swallowed your strawberry flavored spit, nodding your head, “ Yes.”

Draken grabbed your ankle and dragged your lower half to him, just a little bit though, “ Birth control and condom, no birth control and condom still, birth control and no condom, or excited for the risk, your choice?”

“ How did you know if I’m o- nvm, I choose option three. I want to feel all of you. Please.”, You whined as you moved your hips up and down in need. This was the only man you ever been needy for. You were stunned at your behavior in the back of your head.

Draken smirked, taking off his undergarments revealing his curved, plump dick. It was going inside of you raw, that’s all you kept saying in the back of your mind. He was mildly shaven down there, it was trimmed almost too perfectly. The veins that protruded his dick were amazing, so far you counted three while chewing aggressively on your sucker. His cock curved to the left and honestly that scared you right after his thick ass size and long ass length. The tip of his dick was turning red and dropped with pre-cum, you wanted so badly to wrap your lips around his thick mushroom tip. He had a horse and you were going to be the rider tonight.

Every second of you staring at his cock made him grow bigger and bigger. He was a grower so he was watching your eyes get bigger and bigger at his size. He also saw the way you were aggressively chewing on the lollipop stick you had in your mouth. You wanted a taste of him. You wanted his dick lodged down your throat, it was quite obvious, “ Tell you what, princess, you make me cum in 10 minutes max then you’ll get to suck my dick the way you desire, deal?”

You forgot he knew about your oral fixation and now you hate that he figured it out, a punishment is always in tow when it comes to oral fixation. Can't stop your mouth from wanting and desire things inside of it that you don’t want. When you can’t find the right object you become anxious, let hope that doesn’t happen.

You gulped before nodding, “ Okay, fuck me then, Draken, I’m yours tonight.”

Draken smirked meanwhile the black cameras stationed in every corner of the living room including on top of the tv had people behind it. Many men were stationed to watch you and Draken. It wasn’t anybody but the four gangs who are cordial with each other. Only their executives and representatives watched alongside their leaders.

“ 100 dollars bet he fucks her in the doggystyle position?”, Ran says, placing his money on the table in front of the men piled up watching the big, flat screen tv.

Mochi shook his head while Smiley puts down another 100, “ 100 if he does the missionary position , it’s only right for him to want to see a pretty girl moan for him.”

“ Fuck that, y’all are both wrong, he’s fucking her on the window, so standing up fuck for 200 dollars.”, Takeomi says, joining in on the betting.

“ I’ll take all if he does a position we never heard of before, you know how much Draken researches and spends his time fucking, only he always keep his condom on, i don’t know why the sudden change, it’s weird but interesting.”, Mikey says shutting down everybody from making noise any further because he was right. They knew he was.

They all heard and saw when he ate your pussy, some of them palmed themselves through their pants or just didn’t care, paying themselves from another chair in the distance but in view of the tv. The TV was large and on the wall, so they had a good view. Takemichi and Koko were two of them, they wanted you so bad, hearing your pleas and moans were enough for them.

Back to you and Draken, he now had a bottle of baby oil in his hand. Opening the bottle to place some liquid in his hand, just for him to rub it on your tits and stomach including the rolls that supported it, “ Fuck you’re even more beautiful oiled up, doll.”

Draken placed his cock in between your pussy lips—dragging himself back and forth, feeling your juices coax his dick. He groaned at the feeling of your wet pussy, he couldn’t wait to split you open.

You whimpered at the impact of his heavy dick on your clit moving up and down, it started to feel relaxing until he bumped your clit a few times making you clench the air and let out louder whimpers, “ Put it in, put it inside of me”

He kept teasing you by pushing inside of you with only just the tip in before taking himself out of you. He did it again and again until you had enough. When he pushed his tip in for the last time, you pushed your hips into him making his cock thrust inside of you.

You both let out a slew of curses before you felt a little but hard smack on your right tit, “ you filthy bitch, you couldn’t wait for me like the good girl I thought you were huh? Augh! shit!, you’re so fucking tight.”

He wasn’t even all the way inside and you felt full, missionary position was the worst and best position, basic but worth it because this position was only a prep for his other positions. He watched your pussy open as he thrust more of him inside of you, “ come on, princess, you could take me in can’t you? Stop pushing me out, okay?”

You were only pushing him out because you weren’t relaxed and you tighten yourself around him causing him to stop moving and groan in pain and pleasure from the action you did, “ M’sorry but I can’t. I can’t take it anymore, it’s starting to burn and hurt.”

You never took this much dick before, so it was only natural for your pussy to act like this. Draken knew this, which is why he flatly held out his hands. You were confused at first but when you saw his comforting smile, you knew what to do. You placed your palm on his big palm and laced your fingers with his, “ I got you, baby, now are you gonna let me in or do I have to use my fingers, maybe I should’ve did that befo-”

You interrupted him with a quickness, “ No, wait, I didn’t want your fingers, I wanted you inside of me. I’m ready and relaxed now, dra.” Draken smiled before leaning down to place a kiss on your forehead and then lips before standing at his tall height again. He watched himself move inside of you little by little while watching your chest rise and fall faster than before. When you caught him looking, you nodded your head as a go to do it all at once.

Draken nodded his head and snapped the rest of him inside of you, your upper body lifted up while your head laid on the pillow he placed behind you. He was fully inside of you and was shaking like a leaf because of you.

“ Are you ready for me to fuck you like the filthy whore you are, princess? Hmm.”, Draken asked in a commanding tone. His aura was something that always took you by surprise. You let out a yes and you knew you were in for it.

Draken bottomed out inside of you before starting to thrust in and out of you while holding your hands on the side of your head. Your tits were just bouncing so he had no choice but to take both of them in his mouth one by one while he fucked you.

You wanted to grip his long black hair so bad but you couldn’t so you just let out moans instead, “ Dra, Mmgh fuck, this feels so good. I feel so st-stuffed.”

Draken wanted to hear you say that, “ Hah, shit, your pussy is what I’ve been dying to have. The prettiest pussy I ever seen taking my dick, isn’t that something?”

“ Draken, please.”, you panted while holding his hands tightly against yours. “ Ahnn, I want more, please fuck me harder.”

Draken stopped before unlacing his fingers from his, “ I’ll give my princess more, if she wants more. You’ve been a good girl so far so I’ll do whatever you want.”

Draken lifted your legs up making your stomach and pussy poke out more than they usually do. You pussy looked so fat like this, he should’ve ate your pussy like this. He snapped his hips to you again before pulling out just to do it at a faster rate. You felt your body jiggling after every thrust he made inside of you.

You feel the curve of his dick against your gummy walls, you tighten and untighten around him as you take his cock inside of you. You felt on top of the word when one of his hands grabbed your stomach while fucking you. He used his fingers from his other hand to place inside of your mouth to fulfill your fixation. You squeezed around him even more due to the satisfaction you were receiving.

Your walls felt so good to be inside that he wanted to live there, he wanted you forever, “ Augh! Fuck! Just like that, you squeezing me, holy fuck!” The feeling of your pussy clamping down on him was enough to make his balls squeeze together.

“ Mmgh, Draken, I feel so full, keep going, please keep going. I love this dick so much, ughh fuck!”, You were babbling after taking his fingers out of your mouth and Draken knew he had you stupid for his dick. It’s only a matter of time before he has you wrapped around his long, thick fingers.

“ You love this dick, hmm? Your slutty, fat pussy is sucking me in like a vacuum and I love it. You're getting me pussy drunk — shit!— you got me admitting that out loud for the boys to hear, hmm?”

You couldn’t even hear what he was saying because you were too in a daze, your mind was clouded as your eyes rolled to the back of your head. You didn’t even feel your body being lifted until you came face to face with Draken, “ This is called the Olympus position, ever tried it, princess?”

You couldn’t speak because nothing came out your mouth as it posed wide open from the feeling of Draken gripping your ass while fucking up into you. You never got the chance to be carried before so this was new.

Draken chuckled before feeling your legs squeeze around his hips, “ Since you didn’t answer, guess you deserve to be fucked fast huh? Got cha.” Draken held into your ass and fucked into you like a mad man. He sucked on your left tit before moving to your right tit.

You were screaming around his fingers from him pounding into your soaking pussy, the feeling of being stretched out while being pounded was something every woman should experience because this shit was delicious, “ you’re fucking me too good, what did I do to deserve this? I could feel you here, Fuckkkk, M’cummin, m’cummin, aah ahhh.” You pointed to your stomach so you could show him where you felt him. Couldn’t see the tummy bulge but you could feel it.

Your orgasm hit like a ton of bricks as he continued fucking you through it to chase his, your body was shaking like a frivolously and he was loving it, especially seeing your eyes rolled to the back of your head. He had a prediction in his head that your toes were curling, only if he knew he was right

Draken held onto your hairstyle or neck if you don’t have hair before pulling you down in a straight line to fuck faster into you while you were still attach to his hips. Your cum was now being mixed inside of you with his cock and it felt amazing to both you and Draken.

“ baby, baby, shit, I’m gonna cum inside of my pretty girl’s pussy and make you mine, fuck you’re mine. You’re mine. You’re mine.”, he kept repeating the phrase while listening to your screams as he chased his orgasm inside of your cunt that was now shaped for his dick and his dick only. He wanted no one else to have you and that’s what it was gonna be.

Draken staggered before snapping his hips roughly into you four times. He painted the inside of your pussy with his cum and had no regrets about it. He couldn’t help but to yell out broken moans and words he actually meant, “ Ahh baby, fuck, I love you so much, you have no idea, fucking perfect!”

Draken stopped pounding you and found enough strength to walk you to the couch, laying you down with his dick still inside of you, “ that was fucking amazing, baby.”

You finally came down from your second orgasm with tears dropping down your face, your eyelashes were falling off the bone but you didn’t care. You were still shaking yet you still wanted your reward.

“ I agree.”, You say while your body shook and cum dropped down Draken’s dick to his balls while some dripped down your inner thighs. You both let out a breath before he slowly pulled out of you.

Draken got up to watch his and your cum drip out of you and it was the prettiest sight after seeing you orgasm around him, “ Yeah, you’re fucking mine. Mine!” You didn’t know why he yelled that out since you heard him but the men on the other side of the screen that were panting and groaning knew why. He was saying you were his and his only. No one can have you now.

The only reason they were panting and groaning was because they called other women up to satisfy them. Low groans and moans were heard in the background while the tv overpowered the background moans and groans. They had to find some way to release their pent up frustrations because watching you getting fucked sent them into a frenzy.

Shinichiro, Mikey, South, and Izana were more upset than everyone else. They all wanted you for them and he just fucking claim you like that. You weren’t an object but they wanted you for themselves because they were selfish men who wanted what they wanted and weren't gonna stop at nothing to get it.

“ Pay up, they did missionary.”, smiley says to Ran making him kick his chair over getting up. “ Fuck No, that’s not the only position they did, you dumb fuck.”

Smiley said nothing but held out his hand with his usual smile on his face. Their brothers did nothing but shake their blue and purple heads, they were embarrassed because they knew they were both wrong. Mikey’s the one that was right.”

“ Both of you, pay me. I was right and be quiet because they aren’t done. This goes for you all in the back too, try to shut them up, will ya?”, Mikey says, turning up the surround sounds even more.

You were now on your shaky knees on the side of him, still on the couch. You were in front of the large tv that had the camera placed on top of it, so they got the perfect view of you putting Draken’s soft dick into your mouth, not caring if it isn’t hard. It felt like a gummy worm but once it gets hard, you’re over with.

They saw Draken lift up with his knees knocking together and knew you had him, “ Aah, wait baby, I gotta get it hard, it isn’t hard to do, fuck it’s already g-growing, shit!”

You had your round ass planted up in the air with his cum dripping out of your pussy while you sucked on his growing dick. His cock was stretching your mouth as you bobbed your head up and down. Spit started to lather up and down his cock causing him to lay his head back with his eyes closed.

Draken’s cock was heavy on your tongue so you had to stroke the rest of him you couldn’t reach. He was now at his full height and gosh face to face with it was scary. You coughed up a glob of spit before spitting on his dick, wrapping your lips around his tip before moving your mouth down his cock.

He shuddered and bit his lip at the feeling of your mouth and hand stroking his dick, “ Ahhn, baby, just like that, take a little more in, you could do it.”

You gladly took more of him down your throat, moving your head in a roaring motion while sucking him up and down. Draken dug his nails into the top of the couch as you sucked him off, “ Shit, baby, you’re taking me in like a fucking pro.”

The gurgles and hums only cause his toes to curl and his eyes to roll back. This was the bonus track of your albums and he loved it so much, he has to replay it one day. Your spit was now dripping down your mouth and hand due to you still stroking while continuously fucking his tip to the back of your throat. The gags were beautiful to Draken and the rest of them, some of them behind the camera asked their girls to suck their dicks like you. They couldn’t because when they looked at the screen, they could see that you were now blowing bubbles on Draken’s dick as you gave him sloppy toppy.

Your manicured hands were drowsed in your spit and Draken couldn’t take the scene in front of him. Once you hollow your cheeks while one hand stroked him as the other one played with his balls he had no choice but to shove your hand off.

He shoved your hand off his cock and grabbed your head pushing you down to take all of him as he jumped inside of your mouth. His cum down your throat was thick and he had a crazy amount too. You tapped his thigh but he couldn’t let you up until he drained his cum down your throat, all of it too.

“ Fuck, fuck, fuck, baby, I can’t. I’m sorry but hold on just a little longer.”, Draken whispers, lifting his hips to fuck inside of your mouth. You coughed and tried to move your head to get some oxygen but you couldn’t especially when he suddenly pinched your nose. You thought you were done once you saw black instead of white now.

Draken finally let go of your head and nose, letting you get oxygen. You coughed vividly with his Cum dripping on the sides of your mouth. Draken pat your back, helping you catch your breath. He dragged your face to him, “ Fuck, I’m so sorry princess. Couldn’t help myself.”

You felt his lips on yours and you smiled into the kiss stopping him from planting another one, “ I actually liked it, I would love to try it again.”

“ You sure?”, Draken asked. You nodded before laying your head on his chest with your legs on either side of him now. You were straddling him. You closed your eyes and eventually were out like a light forgetting that you have a dead body of your ex-boyfriend at home under the floorboards in the basement while the police were now searching your house.

Draken heard tons of police sirens outside the building traveling past, but he had no idea why. He just loved the feeling of you close to him. He loved you and you still didn’t know. That’s all he cared and thought about. He even forgot that the men were watching them. He just didn’t know they were watching in envy and madness. Soon darkness overtook his vision and he was out like a light underneath you. Both of you still naked.

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[feelin-woozy]

Title: Peach Pit

Word Count: 1294

Pairing: Bo Sinclair x GN!Reader

Warnings: S/lf h/rm, mentions of c/tting, depression, heavy angst, hurt and comfort. 🚨We gotta vent piece, boys🚨

It’s not that Bo isn’t aware of this particular problem, but as usual, with issues that require a degree of empathy and tact that he cannot bring himself to possess, it gets swept under the rug. It leaves a noticeable rumple that sometimes the two of you trip and stumble over, but neither of you dares utter a word on it. It was a known secret that hung heavily in the air, but you’d prefer to suffocate than bring it up. Bo seems to share your sentiments.

For once, there isn’t an argument. Dishes aren’t broken, plaster isn’t cracked with fist shaped indents, and water lines aren’t red-rimmed and puffy. There was no point in stoking the flames of an already dying fire; just as you don’t stoke the flames of his trauma, he doesn’t pour gas on yours. Your scars are similar. Neat raised lines criss-cross over your wrists, some even marring your shoulder. They’re different enough from Bo’s own that he doesn’t understand, but similar enough, he knows to hold tongue.

A part of Bo sees himself in the scars that paint your skin.

Overlooking this works, at least till the flames begin to grow once more. They lick at your heels in a way that you both know cannot be ignored for long; someone will get burned. And maybe that was the point, and perhaps that worried Bo more than he cares to admit. It starts with you withdrawing, your spitfire attitude simmering down into lazy smirks and distant gazes. He doesn’t think much of it at the time, not till your visits to the garage begin to dwindle. From then, it unravels fast. Fast enough, he can’t grab the thread and singe off the end.

Dinner is made, but most nights, it’s just a plate of food that rests at his spot at the table with you, nowhere to be found. The only reason he doesn’t lash out at you for it, complaining about you not joining him, is that he knows you at least had gotten out of bed to make dinner. That was enough for him. This only goes on for about a week. It’s as long as Bo can go with pretending that this isn’t a problem and that you two didn’t need to talk about it.

It’s nearly seven-thirty, the sun leaving an explosion of deep reds and oranges against the black tree line as the evening begins its descent into dusk. You hadn’t made dinner, and Bo has the sneaking suspicion that you hadn’t bothered to leave the bed today.

He wants to be annoyed, wants to bitch at you and tell you to go clean up the used knives resting precariously on the edge of the sink coated in sticky strawberry jelly and peanut butter. Seeing as how you hadn’t bothered to make dinner, you could at least clean up his mess. Bo wants to let the few beers raising his blood alcohol level swallow the worry and sadness he feels whole, to let it shift into something ugly and angry. Something he knows how to deal with.

Bo’s steps are heavy against the stairs, each step he takes creaking under his weight. He makes his way to your shared bedroom and listens carefully before the backs of his knuckles rap against the varnish of the door. There’s no response, so he presses forward. A calloused hand curls around the brass knob and slowly pushes open. Bo expects to see a lump on the bed covered in the thin sheets and making you look like nothing more than a corpse. Instead, he’s met with rumbled sheets pulled back to the foot of the bed.

You’re there, but you’re sitting there, legs dangling over your side of the bed with neat little lines that go up a quarter of your arms and drip with red. Bo would have rathered your corpse-like appearance over this. He stares at you, mouth going uncomfortably dry.

You don’t look at him, your eyes remaining glued to your lap. But he watches the way your knuckles blanche as your grip on the knife tightens. He watches the way your body trembles just barely.

Bo isn’t sure what to say, for once you have rendered him utterly speechless. Every time he opens his mouth, the words catch in his throat, suffocating and dying before the sound can travel beyond. He feels like a fish out of water gaping at you in a way that is sure to make you uncomfortable. It’s not that he wants to stare, but he’s paralyzed as thoughts swirl through his head with the force of a typhoon.

Thoughts of was he a bad boyfriend? Which was immediately shot down with a self chastise that this wasn’t about him. Then he thinks about how he was supposed to deal with this. How was he supposed to give you the care and compassion you deserve that he feels unable to provide. At the root of each thought, his worry for you shakes him to his core in a way that is utterly foreign to him.

He swallows the thoughts down like a dry meal without any beverage. They catch on the way down, lodging uncomfortable, but Bo pushes through. He opens the closet doors, wincing as the joints squeal with the movement before he grabs the first aid kit that rests on the shelf inside. Then he moves and quickly grabs a box of kleenex that sat on the dresser. He comes to sit at your side and wordlessly takes the knife you clutch, resting it on the side table.

With gentle hands, Bo begins to clean you up.

You still don’t meet his eyes. You can’t bring yourself to, too afraid of what you might find over his hardened features. The silence Bo brings only makes it worse. When he looks at you, he can catch a glimpse of abject mortification that paints your features.

“‘M not mad.” Bo finally settles on saying as he tosses a bloodied tissue into the waste bin next to the bed. He opens the kit to grab some bandages, working on your arm with the same meticulous hands that you see Vincent use with his sculptures. “Just wish you’d a’ come to me. Know why ya didn’t but wish ya had.”

Finally, you lift your gaze to stare at him. Your lower lip quivers and tears threaten to spill over your waterline in fat globs. You don’t see disgust, and true to his word, you don’t see anger either. All you see swimming in those blue eyes is anguish. It hurts, but it hurts less than the humiliation that would come had he spat cruel words at you.

“I’ll come to you next time.” You murmur. The guilt that came with holding his gaze had begun to eat away at you; you let your eyes fall to stare down at your freshly bandaged arms. Hints of red beginning to speckle through the gauze. The sight alone makes you want to break down in a fit of tears. “I promise.”

“Good.” Bo pulls you in close, and the smell of grease and cigarette washes over you like a warm blanket; his touch is equal parts gentle as it is grounding and firm. He turns his head and presses a light kiss to your temple. “Don’t ever wanna lose you.”

The corners of your lips curl up just barely as the tears finally spill and your body trembles in his hold. “I love you too, Bo.” You whisper the words into the thick material of his coveralls; you don’t worry about messing up the clothing with your tears and snot. Especially not as a strong hand soothes over the curve of your spine.

[whitehotharlots]

A true story about rehab from 2007

Names and places changed, dates slightly fuzzy, yada yada

This all starts with Chris.  Chris might be a good example of how things are objectively broken.

Two summers ago, Chris and his girlfriend moved from everyone's old hometown, Alton, to everyone's current home, Garden City.  I had known Chris briefly when I still lived in Alton, which was up until about 8 years ago.  In high school he was friends with my sister, a year behind her, I think, only he had some legal trouble and didn't graduate until two years after her.  The first arrest came during his junior year, when police found some marijuana in his car while he was in class.  "Apparently Alton is a utopia," he said years later.  "No robberies need solving, no cars need ticketing, no fences need mending, fuckit nobody's house must've been dirty because if there was anything else even remotely worthwhile that those cocksuckers could have been doing they wouldn't have taken a drug dog through the high school parking lot."  

The ironic part was that he was, honest-to-god, holding it for a friend.  Hadn't touched the stuff until then, hadn't even drank more than a beer or two.  Cops came in and pulled him out of class.  Cuffed him right there in class, in front of everybody.   From what I've been able to piece together that marked a very strong loss of innocence for young Chris.  No rules were worth following, after all, if The Bastards could punish you for nothing.  This was greatly exacerbated by the fact that, according to several of the best lawyers Alton had to offer, the search of Chris' car was unconstitutional as it was not actually parked in the school parking lot, or even on school grounds, at the time of the search.  The juvenile court judge would hear none of it though—all the police had done was break Chris' constitutional right to privacy.  He had committed the much greater crime of having an eighth ounce of marijuana in his glove compartment. 

His claim of having his rights violated incensed the judge, who sentenced our poor Chris to 72 hours in county jail and 12 weeks of rehab.  Were it not for his successful, stable family, he would have been sent to juvie. 

It was his first offense.  He was 16. 

Jail, he said, wasn't that bad.  He got to do it over a weekend. The guard was an old lady and even though she was kind of a bitch she let him bring in his homework.  She said she was surprised to see someone his age in here, with the adults, but whatever he had done it must have been pretty bad or else he wouldn't be here, would he?  They kept him away from the drunks at night and the only other people who came into the "pen" (his word, not mine) were guys who got bailed out within a couple of hours and were too pissed off about their own bad luck to give him any shit for his. 

What really fucked with him was rehab.  It didn’t matter that he'd never smoked a single joint (or even a cigarette) at this time:  he was an addict and by gum he had to admit to being an addict before the obese, shit-smelling overseer would sign the form saying that Chris had attended his sessions.  Every weekend for three months he was legally forced to lie.  Yes, he said, he was an addict.  Yes, even though it made no sense in any grammatical or even symbolic context, he was forced to say "my name is Chris and I'm a narcotic."  His personal habits were picked apart—why was his hair so long (it wasn't that long, really)? Why did he wear the same pants on Sunday that he wore on Saturday?  Who were these "Dead Milkmen" that his T-shirt spoke of?  Ohh… and surely this is a good-tempered, Christian punk band, right?  No?  Well you see right there that's a part of the problem.  Have your mother sign a note saying you've thrown out all of their CDs and any other enabling you might own.  No—you can't sell them, you must throw them out. 

"We had to go in a day and a half every weekend.  All day Saturday and then Sunday from noon until 4.  It took me five weeks, when I was starting to get comfortable, before I asked if I could come in Saturday afternoon and all day Sunday.  It worked out better for me that way, since the place where I worked wasn't open Sundays.  The fat guy just opened his mouth and would not close it.  'When would you go to church?'  he said. By then I knew enough to laugh and say 'oh yeah what was I thinking.'"

A few of the people had actual problems.  One guy got caught with meth, was beating the shit out of his wife and his two little girls, and seemed genuinely remorseful.  Another guy had to drink a sixer every morning or else he'd get the shakes so bad he wouldn't be able to drive to work.  But most of the people there were more or less normal and had either fucked up once or else been fucked over once—got into a bar fight while legally drunk, blew .02 over the legal limit at a roadblock, smoked pot once every few weeks and got narced on by a snitch, that kind of stuff. These people were split over how much they believed the bullshit they were being fed.  Those who believed, as the official literature did, that being hungover once in your lifetime or ever drinking more than 4 beers in a sitting two or more times in a month are both signs of hardcore alcoholism, they became repentant and preachy. 

One such lady was a thin, tan, well-dressed soccer mom who would snitch on the others when they didn't pay close enough attention to the instructional videos or else would appear in any way to not be taking things seriously enough.  If you were bad you got demerits, credit card-sized pieces of construction paper upon which frowny faces and intimidating biblical verses were printed. The overseer would also scribble something down in his notebook, which must have had some kind of official weight because it was on his person at all times.

Most people have an innate desire, however illogical it might often be, to please authority figures, and so Chris and the rest of the doubtful "addicts" thought the embarrassment of getting their reprimand literally handed to them was punishment enough for resting their eyes or letting a stray giggle break loose when the acting in an informational film was especially bad. Chris made only one such mistake.  During a lecture, the overseer kept making the point that it wasn't the drugs that people get addicted to—oh no, it's the high that keeps you coming back.  Chris smiled—remember at this point he still probably hadn't ever been high, not in his whole life—because it seemed like such a stupid, nonsensical thing to say, because even though he was only 16 he could appreciate moments like this, when the moronic essence of a big, scary process could concentrate itself into a single sentence. 

"It's not the drugs:  it's the high," the man said.  He was very clean shaven, dressed like a detective in a 70s cop show, his hair was combed so straight it was like wire, his glasses were round and cruel looking and he had this, this look on his face, this air about him like he thought he was a genius.  He nodded a little bit after the repetition of his idiotic point. Proud—he was actually proud of the things he was saying, proud of his position, proud of getting to fill the heads of desperate or else unfortunate people with nonsense.  And this made Chris smile—not laugh, just smile, and the soccer mom pulled on his ear really hard, so hard it made his eyes water, and then she raised her hand to snitch on him.  The proud overseer was still proud, looked like a king in an old movie, and with the most serious air Chris had ever seen, the fat man called him up before the entire room.  His eyes were still watery from the shock of having his ear nearly yanked up and so he looked down, towards the ground, so people wouldn't think he was crying.

"You ashamed of something," the fat overseer asked.  Chris didn't say anything. "Look up," said the overseer.  Chris kept looking down.  His chest moved in and out heavily and his fists were clenched, and he wasn't sure but he may have been crying normal tears by this point, but they were out of rage, not sadness.  Or—no…really what's the difference between those two, and it's impossible that the immense hopelessness of his situation and the utter retardation of his surroundings hadn't saddened somewhat.  If it were just rage making him cry then he would have also lashed out, punched the overseer or at least called him a name. No. No, the hopelessness must have stung enough to make him sad.  But his tears were out of rage primarily, and out of nothing even close to shame.

"Look up.  Now."

He did.  His jaw was clenched and his eyes were tightened into red little slits but he looked more defeated than mean, more helpless than threatening.

"I want you all to look at this face.  Soak it up.  Take it all in.  Done?  Give you another second.  Okay, now you're done.  This, people, is what failure looks like.  Some of you will see it again, right here.  This is what it looks like when you don't take yourself seriously, when you don't care enough about yourself to appreciate the chances that are being given to you."

He extended a demerit card towards the Chris’ face.  It was accepted without a whimper.

Weeks later, it came time for Chris and the gang to "graduate" from their classes.  By this point, Chris had gotten drunk several times (even puked, once) and tried to smoke pot a few times but it hadn't done anything to him.  Maybe he was just too drunk to feel it or he wasn't inhaling right, who knows.  Anyhow he figured a few bong hits wouldn't hurt before he had to show up to the ceremony, right, since he hadn't felt anything yet.  And, man, it was a blast because he was high as a fucking kite at the graduation, must have shoved 20 inches worth of the party sub into his mouth and downed at least 7 flutes of sparkling grape juice.  

His mother and stepfather—both stinking rich, by the way, disheartened by the lad's sudden fall from grace and more than a little pleased to see him making such a fast and exemplary recovery with the aid of such a caring and competent program—were dressed to the nines.  His mom was making time with the addicts.  This was her wont, the irresistible, flirty friendliness that drove her from the dregs of society (Chris' biological father) all the way to where she was today. While this was going on, Stepfather gracefully let loose to the riffraff around him all those little signs that showed that he was a kind man, but of great consequence.  He'd talk about sports while stretching him arm just so, just far enough to let his fancy watch fall into view.  He'd offer to lift heavy objects as an excuse to show off his bed-made tan, his gym-toned arms and back.  All of your jokes made him smile, but only just long enough for you to get a glimpse of his perfectly straight, snow white teeth. Both of them kept making their way over to Chris, who had stationed himself near the concessions table, to whisper into his ear how proud they were of him for pulling himself around and hint bluntly at him still receiving for his birthday a new car.  All the while, through this bleary, more-or-less with it haze, feeling content and calm with his surroundings and his high, Chris kept thinking about how much he had it made.  Everyone was a sucker, it seemed, but him.  Really, wow.  Everyone is stupid but me.

The soccer mom cut quickly around the room, stopping alongside each cluster of people and telling them that something important was about to happen,  it was time for everyone to walk into the little classroom where they normally met.  "You're not gonna want to miss this" she said, looking right into Chris with a mean little smile on her face that she knew would scare him.  Oh god, Chris though, she knew that he was high.  What was she in here for—ooh shit man, you've heard her talk about it 100 times.  Vicodin, right.  Vicodin and wine, passing out while one of her kids started a fire.  That's right.  Calm down. She wouldn't have known what someone looked like when he was high on pot.  Mom and Stepfather couldn't even tell and they saw Chris every day.  Calm down.

Chris shoved a few more bites of party sub into his mouth.  His mom laughed and said "getting better must make you work up an appetite, huh?"  Stepfather laughed.  Chris couldn't say anything, not even by the time they had walked all the way into the classroom and sat down on little folding chairs, because there was so much sandwich in his mouth.  Things began to quiet down within a couple of minutes. The overseer, smiling, poked his head out of his office and waved to the small crowd.  People clapped a little bit.  Chris noticed that "AWARDS RECEPTION" had been written on the blackboard with colored chalk, the letters alternating blue to red, blue to red.  A stack of certificates sat on the table up front.  The overseer waddled to the table and gestured towards his office and a large, black policeman walked from office to the entrance.  He looked all business.  There was another one who poked his head out from the office and then the overseer was still smiling, like the soccer mom he was wearing big, mean, fake smile and Chris sunk into his chair and moaned a little bit because he knew he was about to get arrested, again.  Arrested in front of his parents. 

Mom asked stepfather what the policemen were hear for the stepfather said—ahh the great rational bastard, it was all Chris could do to stop himself from hugging him—that since this was an official presentation, court mandated and all that, they must have some cops come and witness it.  That's all it was.  Nothing to get too upset about.  Still—gotta stay calm.  If the cops took no notice of Chris then they wouldn't take any notice of his being so incredibly fucking high. 

"Well," the overseer began.  Chris was hyperobservant and noncritical and he realized for the first time how long it took the overseer to get through sentences, because of all of his fat.  He'd pause every few words and take in a deep breath from his gut.  When he spoke it was in these bursts that were effeminately condescending but still bulky and powerful.  Like, if being told you were bad by a sharp-tongued gay man didn't hurt you then maybe being yelled at by an abusive gym coach would. Only he wasn't a gym coach and probably wasn't gay, either.  Talked about his wife and kids all the time.  This was an act.  He had measured out this persona for himself.  This was some kind of cruel professionalism.

Jesus, Chris thought to himself.  Pot fucks up the way you think about things.  How long had it been since they sat down?  How long since he'd been scared by the cops?  When was the guy going to start talking—ohh, wait he's already talking.  Might want to listen:

"And this is what this program is supposed to achieve: smiling faces.  Not just the smiling faces of those who are on roads to recovery—their own personal roads—but of their families and their friends.  The selfishness might end here.  The pain they have caused you, that they are sorry for, might end here.  But it's up to everyone here to make sure that all of these faces keep smiling."

He paused—too long.  Wanted people to clap for him.  They did.  Then they finished.  He continued.  His tone was different.  He had sounded like he was reading off a card.  Now he sounded more like he normally did, during classes.

"But it would be… hypocritical of me to let everyone who came here leave here, especially… if I knew that they would be making people start… to cry sometime soon.  Two of our friends will not be graduating today."

Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck.

"The first… Rup-ERT Donwiddle."

Ahh.  Okay.  That guy—white guy, lots of scars—never even showed up after the first day.  He wasn't even here.  Chris sunk his head into his lap, like he was stretching or about to puke, while the overseer mumbled about how Rubert had squandered his chance for recovery and blah blah blah. 

"Rufus failed… due to lack of initiative.  He didn't come.  But every time we have this course, it seems… there is someone who does come…  but who shows such disrespect that he might as well not have"

The overseer's tone changed, again, abruptly but not in a way that seemed unplanned.  He was talking somewhere in between the rehearsed tone he'd used earlier and the mumbling, jumbled tone he used during regular meetings.  The air shifted around Chris.  It felt like strategy, men moving into position in order to accomplish some kind of task or anticipate some kind of resistance.  The bigger cop stood by the door that led to the outside, blocking it.  Meanwhile the guys who had missed the most class and been handed the most demerits began to shift in their seats a little bit while their wives looked at them in white fear, the sterile blank walls felt like they were closing in—that's what  expression actually meant, when it actually feels like the room you are in just got smaller, more oppressive—and the big fat fuck who ran the place worse the biggest fatfuck smile Chris had ever seen and he if had dropped dead of a heart attack no one with a mind or soul would have gotten up to help him.  In spite of all of this, the synchronization was such that Chris couldn't work up any fear.  He was too busy admiring the evil of the whole process. 

Chris took to talking to the soccer mom, a few months later, as part of some revenge scheme that never quite materialized.  He had first planned on sleeping with the woman and ruining her marriage.  When that didn’t work out he thought about maybe figuring out the vulnerabilities of her home and passing that knowledge on to some unseemly sorts who, god willing, would have raped, robbed, and kill her.  He didn't do that, though, for the same reason he didn't speak up during the meeting when the police were blocking off the door and overseer was smiling the very worst smile the world had ever seen:  because the woman's evil was so immense that he could barely process it, could do little else, in fact, aside from sitting back and admiring it.  What he learned from her, after she had opened up to him and filled him on all the details, was that if you didn't pass the rehab course it counted as either a violation of your parole or else as a violation of your court sentence, so your failure was akin to skipping bail trying to escape from prison.   That's to say it was a Very Serious offense, one that could put you in prison for a long, long time.  And what the overseer hadn't told to anybody but the soccer mom, who was his favorite, was that his policy was that out of every class there had to be at least one addict who failed to pass in spite of showing up, one person who because of this or that reason simply did not deserve to consider his or her self cured of their addiction.  That's what the demerits were for. Whoever got the most failed the course.  You couldn't tell the whole class about this since then the people who got the most demerits early on would have stopped coming all together.  On top of that, if you got into a situation where a few weeks in one guy had racked up 20 or 30 demerits, then that more or less lightens the stakes for everyone else.  They'll start mouthing off or falling asleep since they know they'll never make up enough demerits to catch the worst guy, and then by the end of it you'd have been better off not doing any sort of demerit system at all.  No—no, the trick was to keep it a surprise.  That had two positives:  one, you catch the guy by surprise and make sure he gets what's coming to him.  Two, you put the fear of god into the others who are all sitting around watching.  That's when they got taught what happens if you don't respect the things you should.

All Chris knew at the time of meeting was that the balding factory worker, Hank was his name, was getting pulled up really unnecessarily roughly by the cop, had his arms thrown behind his back, and was getting cuffed and pushed out of the room while his teenage daughter was screaming in abject terror and his wife was burying her head in her hands and then the two women sat there while the smiling overseer berated Hank, talked about how he needed to learn how to accept help and how this was for the good of him and his family and You two ladies should stop crying, it's pointless, what you need right now is strength, loyalty, and conviction.  Hank had blown .02 over the legal limit at a road block.  He insisted he hadn't had a drop to drink in months, not since his first DUI, that he couldn't perform the heel-to-toe sobriety test successfully because of a fully documented injury he had sustained during Desert Storm and that the alcohol on his breath—which came up on only one of the 5 breathalyzers he was given—must have been from gum or mouthwash or cologne or something.  His parole was zero tolerance, though, and so he found himself at the meetings.  Every week he told the overseer that something he had said was bullshit.  He wouldn't say "My name is Hank and I'm a narcotic," he said, because that is just fucking stupid.  He wouldn't apologize for hurting anybody because he hadn't hurt anybody.  He wouldn't lie for the sake of lying because goddamn it that's not what this country is about.

And for that he went to prison.

Coming face-to-face with the reality of just how cruel and unfair the system is can, especially for a teenager, lead to a distrust so strong and all encompassing that it borders on despair.  This distrust can, sometimes, be healthy and inspire you to try and change things.  More often, it can grow into full-blown hatred, a maniacal desire to change things or to right wrongs that leads you to do something rash or destructive.  Still more often, it leads to a sense of defeatism, a feeling that you can't win since the system is so fucked so why the hell should you even try.  At least, that's what I gather from hearing Chris talk about it.  That's probably what I would have done if something like that would have happened to me.  I would have given up and failed.

And for the longest time Chris had given up and had failed. He drank and drugged and destroyed.  This made him a blast to hang out with.  This was when he still lived in Alton and I would see him once every few months, when I was at home visiting my family.  My sister moved to Garden City to attend the university at which I now teach.  Most of her friends soon followed suit.  He was left behind.  As I am self-absorbed to the point where I don't care about my friend's lives except for when their stories are particularly miserable or amusing, I don't know much about this time period except that it saw Chris turning things somewhat around.  Not by much.  He still drinks far too much.  But he's in school now—he's at the school where I teach, actually, although I've never had him for a student. 

[moontrinesaturngal]

Second Astrology Observations Post

~Virgo Moon’s are very logical and and only follow through things that make sense in a real way if whatever I am saying makes sense.That’s why they don’t believe in astrology as much because the idea of it seems too fantastic and sci-fi.

~Neptune in the 6th house are prone to procrastinate or are procrastinators because real life obligations and responsibilities seem too boring for their imagination.The worst thing about this placement is that it is on the 6th house which is the house of routine.

~The ruler of 11th house and where it’s placed shows the friends or people who surround us that we attract naturally without effort put into much.Ex-11th house ruler in 5th house,attracts leo placements.Or if you have planets or a planet in 11th house and its sign shows what people you attract.Ex-Saturn in 11th house attracts capricorn placements.Whether you are compatible with these people or not you will be surrounded by them.

~If you have an aspect in your natal chart and you also have it the same year on solar return chart.Throughout the year the effect of it is going to be emphasized the most.Ex-Lilith conjunct ascendant natal chart and lilith conjunct ascendant solar return chart,people were more intimidated of me and cautious which never happend before and the only thing that changed was my look and aura I guess.

~I noticed in alot of people the rising sign shows where they are prone of surgeries,accidents,diseases or infections,or where they are healthy.Ex.-My mom who is an Aries Rising suffers from migraines and once had an accident and had to put stitches in her head.I had digestive problems and ARFID and I am a Virgo rising.

Here is a full chart that shows body parts,diseases and who they are ruled from

-Aries:Vitality Energy Level,Head,Face,Skull,Brain and blood circulation. -Taurus:Throat,Vocal chords,neck,tongue,lips. -Gemini:Lungs,arms,wrists,fingers,shoulders,nerves.Notice how its the doubled organs?Mutable mode😉. -Cancer:Stomach,chest,breasts,mental illness and condition,water retention etc. -Leo:Heart,spine,upper back,liver,vitality duh! -Virgo:Digestive System,small intestine,stress ulcers,food allergies,gas pains,colitis etc, -Libra:Kidneys,hips,skin.Not a mutable mode but its the scales right? -Scorpio:Reproductive organs,exeretory system. Genito-urinary system etc. -Sagittarius:Thighs,sciatic nerve,fat,artery, hamstring etc. -Capricorn:Knees,ankles,bones,bone structure,joints. -Aquarius:Ankles,shins,calves,acilles heels etc. -Pisces:Feet,toes,pineal gland,mucus membranes

~Mars conjunct Jupiter could expand,outgrow and exaggerate the anger of someone depending on the sign they’re conjuncted.Ex-Virgo(they could get easily angry when someone makes mistakes about the simplest things,and they also degrade the person alot.But if your smart and fast enough to explain that u weren’t dumb or stupid to make a mistake then they’ll shut up and realize they were too quick to judge😬.

~Venus in 7th house people are attracted towards beauty,they want everyone to like them and they probably achieve that successfully because they don’t give others a chance to dislike them.

~Uranus rules the youth or teens.That’s why at that age they’re rebellious,unpredictable, unplanned,curious,unusual,have alot of ups and downs and sudden changes.

~Aquarius moon are emotionally unavailable and cold.Its like they don’t have feelings or they don’t want to show them(bottling up).Word of advice you won’t be weak or seem boring if u open up as much as you are comfortable.I promise that there is someone who cares about u and loves u a whole lot.❤️

~Pisces Venus are in love with a version of a human that doesn’t even exist,like nobody meets their standards.

FYI these are just my observations,I could be wrong so don’t take them too personally.

[captainsolare]

hey hey! congrats on 200! :)) was hoping for a normal AU + jealousy makes things clear with Luck?? 🥺🥺❤️

A/N: Thank you! This came out kind of long but I hope you enjoy it. I’m having a lot of fun writing these. 

Normal AU + Jealousy makes feelings clear + Luck Voltia

Luck couldn't believe his good fortune when you came back into his life. Once upon a time you'd gone to school together, you weren't quite friends, but you were the only person at that place who wasn't afraid of him and that was something special. You'd eventually found yourself joining the Black Bulls and you'd spent your time growing closer to your new family and to Luck. 

Before long, you could handle yourself well and went on several successful missions with members from other squads. Luck admired your progress and determination and somewhere down the line, he found himself wanting to fight alongside you forever. Purely as friends, he'd say, and you'd nod along very seriously. After all, the two of you dating? Who could see that happening? Keyword, everyone but the two of you. 

"Soo, who are you asking to the inter-squad ball Luck?" Magna asked as they sat down for a bite after a mission. Luck shrugged, "I dunno, probably no one I guess. There's no one to ask anyway." 

Magna paused mid-bite, "Seriously? Why not ask Y/N to be your date?" Luck's face involuntarily scrunched up, "No way! Y/N is like-- a sibling to me. That would just be weird." Magna frowned but relented, no amount of protest would change his mind if he'd made it up. "Okay, but don't come crying to me when some hottie from another squad comes along and scoops them up." Luck set his fork down with a snort, "I won't." 

You were running a few errands in town when you heard your name called. "Hey! Y/N!" You turned to find Alfion running your way, waving his arm to catch your attention. "Oh hello! It's nice to see you again so soon." The two of you had returned from a joint mission just the week before and you'd gotten rather close even though he was in the Aqua Deer. He was smart, funny, skilled at strategizing, an all-around good guy. 

He awkwardly played with the ring on his finger, cheeks hot with embarrassment. "I uh, I was wondering if… if you'd like to go to the ball with me?" You cocked your head, this was certainly an unexpected question, not necessarily an unwelcome one, but you weren't sure if a relationship was in your best interest at the moment. Taking note of your pause he continued, "As friends of course! Haha like, me asking you on a date when I just met you a month ago would be totally inappropriate and--" 

You raised your hand and his jaw shut. "Alfion. I would love to, let's go together--- as friends." You quickly added, and Alfion smiled. "Yes of course! I'm so glad you said yes. Pick you up the night of?" 

"That would be lovely, see you then." And with that you made your way back to the Black Bulls base, steps lighter than when you had left. 

You returned to find Finral, Luck, Vanessa, and Noelle in the common room. Finral greeted you with a wave but stopped midway, "Ooh you have a pep in your step this afternoon Y/N! Did something good happen while you were out?" You couldn't help the smile that raised your cheeks, "Yes actually. Guess who has a date to the ball!" 

You were practically ambushed as Vanessa and Noelle gasped excitedly, "For real? That's so exciting! Who is it?" You tried to ward off the interrogation but it was to no avail. 

"Okay, okay!" You relented, "My friend Alfion from the Aqua Deer asked me." Vanessa smiled, "Oh! That cutie with the snow magic?" When you nodded Noelle grabbed your hands, "Shopping. Tomorrow. We're going to pick an outfit that will knock his socks off." 

No one noticed as Luck slipped out the door, fingertips crackling with electricity. It was too bad because if he had stayed for 10 more seconds, he wouldn't have anything to be upset about. 

"O-okay that sounds fun but we're just going as friends." 

-

Luck was fuming, and the worst part was, he wasn’t even sure what he was upset about. You were grown, you were perfectly capable of making your own decisions and choices, so why was he so upset? “Stupid.” He punched a tree, lightning scarring its surface. “Stupid.” He punched over and over again, repeating the same word over and over again. 

Magna heard the explosions through the trees and came over to investigate. Seeing Luck, he thought he could guess what happened. “Hey buddy, let’s take it easy on the poor tree okay?” Luck stopped his hand an inch away from the tree and sighed, deactivating his lightning. “What’s the matter, Luck?” Luck crossed his arms, lip stuck out in an angry pout. “Who does that guy think he is? Asking Y/N to the ball like that? I oughta give him a piece of my mind.” He paced around the clearing, spatting angry words, feet nearly wearing a new path into the ground. Magna watched on for a while, then decided this temper tantrum had gone on long enough. “Enough!” He yelled, and Luck stopped in his tracks. 

“Do you even know why you’re upset right now?” Luck shook his head, fists beginning to ball up again. “Is it because Y/N is going with Alfion?” Luck’s face scrunched in protest, “No. Maybe, I don’t know! Why are they going together anyway? Who the hell names their kid Alfion, anyway?” Magna sighed, “Did you ever think that maybe you’re jealous?” 

Luck whirled around, eyes wide, “No way! What do I have to be jealous of?” Magna threw his hands up in defeat, “Exactly! Have you ever thought about Y/N’s feelings about it? They might not even have feelings for each other.” Luck snorted, “Fat chance. Who doesn’t have feelings for Y/N?” 

Magna blinked in surprise, that statement was quite the implication coming from Luck. When he realized what he had just admitted, Luck covered his mouth, cheeks red at the realization that he was indeed jealous. There was silence until Magna cleared his throat, “Well, if that’s the case, then ask Y/N to dance with you sometime during the night, be honest about your feelings.” Luck perked up, “Yeah, you know what Magna you’re right!” “I am?” “Yeah, I’ll just keep them away from each other for as long as possible! You’re a genius.” 

Before Magna could protest, Luck had bounded away, happy that he had found a solution to his problem. 

-

The night of the ball arrived, you were dressed up in fancy attire, your hair was done, you could honestly say you felt like royalty. Alfion knocked on the door to the Black Bulls base and was met with Yami’s enormous figure at the door. Yami put on his best intimidating dad face and made it a point of having a gruffer voice than usual, “You better have Y/N home in one piece, if I see a single tear on their face, I’ll kill you.” “Y-yes, sir.” Alfion stammered, and you squeezed past Yami and out into the night. 

“I am so sorry about him, Captain Yami gets pretty protective of us.” You said, taking Alfion’s arm. He chuckled, “No worries, it’s great that you have such a kind Captain.” That might be an understatement, you thought. 

You made it to the ball and Alfion escorted you in, hand at the small of your waist. “Want to grab food first, or dance first?” You thought for a moment, but before you could answer, Luck was whisking you away. “Sorry I need to borrow Y/N for a moment.” He called your date. “Um, okay,” Alfion replied, but you were out of sight. 

“What do you want Luck? I’m a little busy if you couldn’t tell.” Luck chuckled, “Oh nothing! I just wanted to say hello.” You sighed, “And you needed to steal me away for that? I’m heading back to my date now.” 

You caught sight of Alfion’s white locks over the sea of heads, and you wormed your way through the crowd to his side at the buffet table. “Hey, you’re back! What was that all about?” You shook your head with a grimace, “It was nothing, just a squadmate saying hello.” Alfion met your gaze with a smile, “Oh I see, well, I got you some food.” You took it gratefully and made light small talk with your companion about the party, how fancy everyone looked. 

Alfion asked you to dance, and you lightly took his hand as he led you to the dance floor. Soon after, Luck cut in, but he was a terrible dancer and stepped on your feet. Luck’s interruptions didn’t stop there though, throughout the night he interjected and got in the way of you and your date. Finally, you’d had enough, “I’ll be right back, heading to the bathroom.” 

Alfion took his chance and practically dragged Luck out to the veranda. “What’s the big idea man?” He asked, “Why are you trying to separate Y/N and I?” Luck refused to look him in the eye, instead  looking out at the courtyard. “You don’t deserve Y/N.” He said simply. Alfion blinked in surprise, “Seriously? That’s what this is about? You’re jealous because I’m out with Y/N tonight?” 

“So what if I am?” Luck yelled, blue eyes daring Alfion to make a move. “Y/N is smart and beautiful and strong, and you don’t deserve to even breathe the same air.” Alfion sucked on his teeth as he connected the dots, Ah, this must be the childhood friend Y/N was talking about. He must have feelings too. “You’re right, I don’t. But the way you’re acting, you don’t deserve to either. Have you told Y/N?”  

“Told me what?” You returned at that moment, it had taken a while to find your date after cooling off in the bathroom. “Uh, nothing?” Luck offered, looking up at you guiltily. “Unbelievable, let’s go Alfion. Leave us alone Luck, I don’t appreciate you harassing my date.” 

You had an enjoyable rest of the night with Alfion, but you couldn’t shake the feeling that you were missing some information. You decided to take a walk in the garden with him, paths lit up with magic lanterns. “Hey,” You said softly, Alfion met your gaze, “Did Luck, say anything when he was with you?” Alfion frowned, unsure of what the best move was, “I think you should talk to him about it. He may not have chosen the right way to deal with it, but I think…” He paused to take a breath, “I think he’s hurting right now.” You nodded thoughtfully, heart shifting between annoyance and worry for Luck. 

“Is it--?” Alfion nodded, though it pained him to do so, he really did like you, “Go look for him, I’ll be around to take you home.” Breathing a thank you, you took off to find Luck. 

You found him leaning against a wall, drinking punch and sulking. “Hey, can we talk?” He nodded and pushed off the wall. You found yourself in a remote part of the castle, near a window overlooking the garden. “What’s the matter, Luck? Why have you been acting out tonight?” Luck frowned, setting his cup down on the sill. “I think I'm jealous.” 

“Jealous? Of who?” Then it hit you, he was jealous of Alfion. “Alfion? Seriously Luck he’s just a friend.” Luck’s frown turned into a guilty one as he stared into his glass. “Yeah, after talking with him I realized that.” You bit your lip and sighed, “What did you say to him exactly?” “Nothing I won’t apologize to him later for.” 

You swallowed, “I see.” The silence was heavy as you both paused to think about what to say next. “Why exactly are you jealous? Is it because I’m with Alfion tonight even though I’ve known you longer?” He shook his head, “Not exactly.” “Then what is it?” 

Luck swallowed, pride, nervousness, fear, he tried to force them all down. “Because, I think you’re the most beautiful, special person I’ve ever known, and my heart couldn’t bear to see you with another man.” The realization hit you like a ton of bricks, it was almost painful how neither of you had noticed it before. At the end of the day, for him, it had always been you. And for you, it had always been him. 

On the nights you were lonely, letters were sent to be read in the morning. Mornings were spent laughing over breakfast, hands brushing as you passed the pancake syrup. There wasn’t a day that went by that you didn’t make the other smile, and it had taken years to see it. The reason you were never interested in anyone else, was because you already had everything you wanted.

Tears pricked in your eyes, and you willed them not to fall, but they did like stars from the sky. “Oh Y/N,” Luck gently wiped your tears with a thumb, “I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to hurt you with that, I can leave if you want.” “No!” It came out more forcefully than you intended, echoing down the hallway. “Okay, I won’t leave then.” “Promise? Promise you’ll never leave?” Your words carried the weight of an admission you never thought you’d make, heart beating faster than ever. 

In the dark hallway, Luck leaned to kiss you, and just as your lips met, the fireworks signaling the end of the ball began. It was tender and sweet, not rough and wild like you had been expecting. You pulled away, remembering that your date was still taking you home. “I need to go find Alfion, see you at home?” Luck nodded, and you set off. 

This time you didn’t take Alfion’s hand or his arm, but he didn’t mind. As he stopped near the hideout he paused before you parted ways. “Tell me, are you happy?” You nodded, tears pricking your eyes, “Yes, I am. Happier than ever.” Alfion smiled, willing the tears threatening to fall to stay in their place, “then that’s all that matters. Perhaps in another life, I would be the source of that happiness.” You gave him a soft smile, “Perhaps. You have a nice night Alfion.” 

You found Luck on the roof of the hideout after you changed, and you spent the night under the stars, getting to know your childhood friend in a whole new light.

[oh-for-fic-sake]

Family Drama

Masterlist

Warnings: Adult Situations +18, Smut, Daddy Kink, Swearing, Angsty, Infertility, Bullying

A/n:wow so this has been written for about three weeks, I honestly was never going to post it , a little to close to home ,but wrighting it made me feel better and it might make someone else feel better abput certain topics, this was hard to write but I do hope you enjoy it

Taglist: @two-unbeatable-beaters​ @thatgirly81​

You introduce your new boyfreind to your family  but a spiteful sister tries to ruin what you and Henry have.

Family Drama

You were nervous. You'd been in a relationship with Henry for four months now but had kept it quiet, wanting to have a stong relationship before letting the media know. Especialy now that that it had been leaked that he was going to be playing Superman  again he seemed to be under more media scrutiny.That being said you'd both let your family closest to you know that you were seeing people. But for you you'd only told your mum she knew how you'd met and she knew he was an actor but that was it. Not that you didnt trust her because you did two peas in a pod no it you'd left out his surname so that she couldnt let it slip to your older sister. Your very jealous ,entitled ,narrsasistic older sister. The problem was that you'd been invited to your brothers yearly birthday bbq in a few days. You hadnt mentioned it to Henry yet worried it was too soon for all the family drama that could correction would come of it. You sighed sitting in his living room snuggling with kal as henry took a shower hed just come back from a run determined to get in better shape for his new role kal lounged across you reciveing a veriaty of hugs and kisses. Henry entered the living room in a loose shorts and tshirt damp hair hanging low on his forhead. Taking a seat next to you pullingnyour legs and kal to rest on his legs one hand stroking your calf his smiled faltered when he took in your thoughtfull face.

"You ok hun?" He said as his brow furrowed you leaned your head back on the sofa looking at him running your hand casually through kal's fur.

"Its my brothers birthday this weekend he's having a bbq" you heaved a big sigh as he listened intently as you  continued

"I wasn't sure if you wanted to go or not it might be to early for that" you mumbled more to yourself than anything. His eyes widened as he realized what you were getting at. you'd told him about your family how you and your mum were super close and one of a kind, you got on well with your brother Dean fine having shared interests. Then there was your sister Camille,  your both very different people and you found it hard to get along with her ,bottom line is she was the youngest spoilt princess untill you were born 10 years after her and she never forgave you for it. He nodded to you knowing how hard it was between the both of you.

"I'd love to go I've been thinking of asking to meet your family, I know we decided to take is slow but I love you and this is the real deal." He said relaxing and worrying you at the same time.

"Really? You don't mind? Even though you know theres going to be drama? and my nieces and nephews are probably going to call you superman?" since dating him you thought it'd be a good idea to watch a few of his films and could kick yourself for not recognising him from a few. He squeezed your leg reasuringly "I dont mind I want you know I'm there for you and I love you"  he said leaning over kal kissing you lightly before ushering him off so he lie over you as the kiss got heated resulting in him resting between your thighs as he rocked deliberatly against you before running kisses down your neck.

"How do you feel about showing up to the party with a few of my marks?" You giggled at that slapping his arm lightly.

"You know sometimes I wonder when my shy sweet man turned into a horndog?"  resting over you on his hands leaning in stealing kisses before sucking deep marks on your neck nudging your tshirt to the side leaving another between your neck and collar bone you moaned lightly as he rubbed against your mound chuckling into your shoulder.

"Sounds like I'm not the only horndog" he said grinding harder against you letting you feel him hardening you pouted.

"Hey don't steal my thunder" he leaned up off you before pulling of his top. No matter how many times you saw him he still took your breath away especially since he was determined to bulk up more befor filming. Your heat clenched in anticipation as he made a show of flexing his muscles throwing away his tshirt. He wasted no time tugging the bottom of your shirt over your head dragging your sports bra with it leaving  his eye blown wide as he  drank in the sight of you bare before him. Licking his lips as he dived in kissing and suckling at your breast then teasingly rolled your nipples between his teeth, you bucked up into him moaning making him groan low in his chest your smugness didnt last long tho as he flipped you over onto your knees below him leaning forward you grabbed the arm of the sofa for leverage. You loved how he could manoeuvre you any way he liked. You giggled then slid back rubbing your ass along his prominent bulge then made small circular motions tormenting him as you rocked forward and back he hissed grabbing your hips holding you still against him befor a heavy palm slapped your ass.

"Little brat" he growled then ran his fingers against your slit as your enterance wept in anticipation,  you gripped arm of the sofa tighter between your fingers moaning loud as he continued teasing your wet opening. He arched over you chest flat against your back and used one hand to pull your hair tilting your head back the other tore your shorts and panties down your thighs.

"Think you can tease me and get away with it missy?" He grunted in your ear leaving wet open mouthed kisses on your neck biting hard and sucking again as he shimmied his shorts down just enough to pull out his cock rubbing his weeping head against your clit tapping it harshly making you squeel as your arousal seeped onto him  you cried out as he drew lines along your pussy lips he pushed forward nugding the fat head of his cock to your opening teasingly withdrawing before repeating the movement moveing deeper.

"Fuck please Henry please dont tease I'm sorry" you gasped out when he kissed your cheek and pushed in to you slowly savouring the feel of your walls clench him tightly sucking him in deeper you always felt imposibly full as his hips rested flush against you the head of his cock resting snug against your cervix you moaned out loud when he began rocking the veins on his cock massaged your walls with delicious friction he leaned back hand still pulling your head back. Before grinding against your clit and curving his hips forceing you to arch your back following his movment up you grunted out a moan.

"Ready baby?" You nodded using what little slack he had given you on your hair. "Fuck yes oh god please" you whined looking back up at him eyes glazed over he pulled his hips back snapping them forward not hesitating he set a brutal pace driving you wild.

"Fucking little tease! You think its a good idea to tease daddy?" You whined at the back of your throat shaking your head as he spanked you again

"I asked you a question bratt!" You cried out as his palm struck you again

"N-no daddy I'm sorry daddy please please let me cum please" he grunted out a laugh at your desperate plee you hissed at the slight pain of him bumping against your cervix. He released your hair choosing to wrap his fingers around your throat tight enough to restict your pants pausing he set one foot flat on the floor and pulled you back towards him with one hand then returned to his punishing pace, with every thrust tilting his hips up slightly the new angle made you see star as he was brushing your swollen clit.

"God you take me so well baby girl fuck your still so tight" you opend your mouth in a silent scream tucking your head down as you trembled your pussy clamping down on him uncontrollably.

"Oh fuck I'm close so close" he breathe down your back moving his hand down between your legs to flick at your clit harshly pinching it that was all it took you squeeled loud as you came around him in violent tremors thrusting into you before holding still grunting loud as he peaked inside of you grinding against you determined to make your joint orgasms last, you whimpered as you felt him pour into you, both heaving deep breaths. He breathed out a laugh releasing you patting your hip as he sat down dragging your limp body onto his lap relaxing and pulled your panties back up over your hips keeping his seed smeard against you for as long as he could, you'd found that he was quite a possesive man and was  throughly turned on knowing he was smeard between your thighs. He turned your face kissing you passionately before running his hand down your neck smirking Traceing the three love bites he had left two on yout neck one above the other and the thrid on your collar bone you smiled giggling at him when he picked you up heading towards the bedroom knowing that there was atleast one more round instore today and probably a few more tonight.

You rung your hands together today was the day you'd let your family know that you were bringing someone to the bbq your mum was thrilled to finally put a face to the man who'd made you so happy, Dean seemed happy that you'd found someone and Camille, well she was less than thrilled she prefered that you'd remain single so she could rub her new husband and son in your face and make offhanded comments about how you'd never find a husband like she had. Not that you wanted what she had, a childish husband that refuses to get a job to provide for his family and was creeepy enough to make your skin crawl. He was a boy you wanted a man.You sighed checking your phone again Henry was supposed to pick you up but had to take a call about delays to the filming schedule now you were going there with your mum and Henry was going to arrive a little late. You forced a smile as your mum pulled up beside you quickly leaving your house warnkng your babies to be good. She noticed you were a little tense.

"Whatever happens just remember he loves you Y/n and he is there for you" you nodded

"I know I'm just nervous I hope you like him" she smiled before pulling away from the curb

"I've seen how happy he makes you trust me I'll love him" she reassured you in only a way a mother could. Then raised an eyebrow at your neck you blushed as you knew what she was looking at.

"Not sure how your brothers going to react to his baby sister smothered in those" you groaned leaning back into the seat as she laughed

"Didn't think of that... it was his idea and I can't exactly stop him or want to if I'm Honest" she snorted at that. It was a short drive to Dean's house you were greeted by an entourage of excited nieces and nephews quickly wrestling each of them for kisses and cuddles before following them into the garden as they made a bee line to the trampoline you heard a scoff.

"Thought you were bringing someone? I was quiet looking forward to meeting your mysterious other half" dripping with sarcasm you ignored her and sat down across from her calling out a greeting to Dean who was cooking at the built in bbq he waved the spatular.

"He had to take a call about rearranging the flights" you replied not wanting to ignore her completly and rock the boat already. You felt eyes on you and realised that your sister in law had clocked onto your neck.

"Oh someones been getting it, I'm looking forward to meeting him you've been together what three months?" she teased plafully you got on well with her and was closer in age. You blushed beet red befor pulling out your phone as you recived a text it was Henry telling you he was 10 minutes away turn out he was just being told his new flight dates you smiled and left it on the table. You nodded at her Camille sneered but caught herself plastering a kind looking smile.

"Yeah I dont understand why you kept it quiet. Your not embarrased of him are you?" She asked bitingly you frowned as you poured yourself a lemonade sipping it collecting yourself before answering

"No I'd never be embarrassed of him. But we thought we would take it slow and see where it goes befor diving right in" she chuckled sipping her drink as you said his name.

"He's an actor isn't he? so what is he one of those actors that works on indie films? Or a proper actor? would I have seen him in anything? is one of those 'actors' always in the background" You growled a little as she laughed then you smirked at this looking at her scrawny husbands arms both covered in dc sleeve tattoos Camille may not recognise him but her husband definatly would.

"Yeah maybe ,he has been in quite a few things, tv show and some big blockbusters." You leaned forward drinking a few mouthfuls to hide a smirk ,today you were going to finally shut her up the greatest revenge for all her years of tearing you down was proving her wrong. She had spent so long since you grew up knockjng you back drummjng into you that no one would ever want you that it had caused a few problems with Henry in the beginning,  it had taken a lot of convincing but finally you were happy and confident that someone did want you and he was incredible. Today was the day you could be a little smug.

"Well he can't be that big of a deal if he is with you now can he?" She giggled hoisting her son up onto her lap coddling him, you frowned.

"Well he is working on a big one now, a sequel" she snorted again taking a sip of her wine.

"Really?" You clenched your fists in irritation wanting to defend your man

"Yes he works for dc" her husband looked up smiling

"Really? Dc comics?" You smiled leaning back knowing his intrest would push her buttons you nodded.

"Yeah not sure how much I can say tho, but thats what the phonecalls are about today, something came up with one of his costars so they have had a change in the dates he is just getting the new flight details" he nodded smileing you could see he was excited tdying to think of who it was, you wont say you want it to be a shock as childish as that was, you had a good smart god of a man and you wanted to show him off, rub him in your sisters face. You smiled as Camille started sneering even tho your still nervous your brother came over to the table placing down a large tray of sausages burgers and chicken kababs.

"Wheres your other half?" he said as everyone dug in you smiled accepting a plate off one of you nieces who was diligantly passing them out you quickly caled her as she made to go past you.

"Lotty can I have another one darling?" She nodded confused but still handed you one. You turned to your brother

"He'll be here in a minute, he had a work thing that couldn't wait." He nodded "Wana explain them before he gets here?" He nodded to your neck teasing you as he piled his plate. You blushed

"Uh haha well we got a little carried away after his workout this morning....I'd rather not say more then that." You said quietly helping yourself to a burger and some salad. He smirked at you ruffling your hair

"Finally growing up eh? Just be safe" You slapped his had away with a quiet fuck off the banter was cut short as your sister scoffed.

"Be safe not like shes gonna get pregnant" you stopped smileing hurt by the comment as she chose that moment to hug her eighteen month old son, it was true you couldnt but she didn have to be such a bitch about it, she saw you as less of a woman now, her view was a woman wasnt a true woman if she did not have children, an ideal that she had spent her whole life wrapped around a desperate need for a baby and somehow she was better than you because she had a baby and you were never going to, and never missed a chance to remind you that you'd never be 'complete' as she puts it, never find someone who'd stay with you when they found out children was not an option for you, it had been confirmed you pretty much couldn't have kids there was the a very very very slim chance youd ever conceive, so low youd been told to think of yourself as barren and in the miracle that you did fall pregnant  you probably wouldnt carry to term, since then she had made sure to beat you down with it, it was still a fresh wound a difficult thing for any woman to accept but your not even in your thirties which somehow made it even worse, not that you planned any kids, you actually never wanted them it was always 'maybe one day' but there is a difference between choosing not to have them and being told you can't.

"Why the fuck have you gotta bring that up like that for?! Stop being such a bitch about it!" Your brother came to your defence she slid back cradeling the toddler smugly. Suddenly any argument brewing was halted by the door bell you shoke your head making to move but moved faster when you heard a loud array of shouts and yells of excitment from the house your eyes bugged out as your older nephews ran out of the back door dragging Henry behind them.

"Look look its Superman! Dad dad look he knows aunty Y/n" Silence fell across the table as the kids made a fuss over Henry who was starting to chuckle nerously.Your brother in law gapped at Henry dropping his fork your brothers wife rose her eyebrows then tilted her head nodding saying 'you did well' Camille was just blinking, she looked broken .

"Oi what have I told you about opening that front door to strangers?" Your brother broke the silence scolding his son david who replied naively.

"But hes not a stranger,  its Superman, hes not bad, he's a good guy." 

"Hey babe turns out I was only 5 away." He chuckled as david watched in awe as 'superman' leaned in and kissed you on the lips then held his hand out to Dean. "Im Henry ,sorry I'm late-" he snapped his head down as david and tyson clambered around him pulling at his top a little

"Oh my god auty y/n are you dateing superman!?!"

"Are is he gonna be our uncle? Are you going to marry her?"

"Can you take me flying? What does it feel like?"  Henry chuckled at the boys as they practically vibrated with excitement. Henry nodded down at the boys

"Well boys we aren't getting married yet but we are dating, but I dont think your mum will like me flying around with you yet, maybe when your older?" they smiled at Henry then continued asking him tonnes of questions soon all of the kids were surronding him you smiled apologetically but he just laughed answering all their questions, playing along for them not wanting to upset them after a few mineuts the excitment died down and they were ushered back to the smaller table to have lunch by their parents, he rubbed the back of your neck quickly reassuring you before stopping near your brother who shrugged.

"Sorry about the kids..."

"Its perfectly fine,I get it all the time ...I'm just happy I've made a good impression on some of y/n family at least, sorry for being late I had to reschedule a few flights and stuff" they shook hands.

"Dean her brother, and don't worry about it works work and its good your serious about it, a better first impression than some" he replied casting your sisters hunsband a look that no one missed as Henry sat down beside you placeing an arm across your shoulders. Kissing the side of your head.

"So you gonna introduce me love?"  He asked motioning around the table everyone Camille release her husbands hand batting at him as he reached out for her thrusting her son at him then placed one hand in her lap and leant over the table holding out her hand as if he should kiss it giving him sultry eyes trying to entice him.

"Im Camille y/n's older sister" she said fluttering her eyelashes at him you tensed knowing what she was doing. Henry grasped her offered hand and shook it. Causing your mum to snort a laugh into her glass and others to chuckle. Camille has done this before, the only other serious relationship you had ended cos of arguments about how he acted with her, tho back then she wasn't married.  Pulling back Henry smiled at her and casually ran his fingers across your lovebite riddled neck, then pulled you in placing another kiss to it making you giggle pushing him away, but he fought a little capturing your hands kissing your palms. You smiled as she clenched the hand he shook into a fist before lowering it beside her plate. Henry was a master of posessive gestures but she had got the message

"Nice to meet you. And this is your husband?" He said politely charming voice. She bristled as she watched him tuck you into his side leaning back watching as her husband shook his hand and started kissing his ass, she slumped back huffing and levled her man with a look making him sit back and let you finish introduceing him to everyone happy that your man had your back.

"So the kids called you Superman? I dont think I've seen your version, I'm sure I'd have remembered seeing you in a tight suit" she dropped her voice and twiddled with her straw her husband gulped

"I have been trying to get you to watch it with me but you said you don't do nerdy shit" he spoke upand you giggled as she gapped flstered, Henry just smirked tugging holding your leg beneath the table patting it softly as you tensed.

"Well thats a shame tho I know that heros aren't evenyones thing, But yes I've played superman in man of steel and soon we will be filming Batman vs Superman so I'm excited for that"  you giggled

"And I for one am definitely looking forward to that" he laughed out loud poking your side

"And I wonder why?" You giggled at him

"Well I'm looking forward to getting the bed to myself for a few weeks" he shook his head

"Like you sleep on the bed? Babe you sleep on top of me I dont think youve touched the mattress...wait scratch that I know you have~" you stuttered as the others rolled their eyes chuckling you slaped his arm lightly as he joined in wriggling his eyebrows at you, you noticed from the side of your eye Camille moved closer to him, leaning over the table fluttering her eyes and squeezing her chest to show off her assets, you cringed biting your lip as he gave her a smile and cleared his throat look then cast his gaze to you, you must have taken his smile as the wrong way as you looked down he sighed moving his hand up your thigh then leaned in to you whispering in your ear

"And this is why you should have let me cum in your panties before you left, it would have been a reminder that you are mine, the only one for me, but I suppose we will just have to remember next time" he parted from your ear with a quick but very noticable nip on your ear lobe you shuddered blushing bright red looking at him bashfully before he plucked a cherry tomato from your plate winking as he popped it in his mouth.

"So your stepping into the role again? can't wait for that?" Your brother in law said enthusiastically Your sister fumed quietly to herself watching as Henry had snubbed her for you, she didn't know what he had said but it was something that made you embarrassed he wiped his mouth with a napkin as he nodded.

"Yeah filming starts in a few months.... now anyway which reminds me babe you need to sort out your passport" you blinked at him

"What? why?" He grinned at you

"Well I know how much you liked the last suit so I did some talking to the director and you my love have been invited on set for a few weeks....So we need to get your passport sorted I was hopeing to take you with me, they said it'd be fine for you to bunk with me and Kal for a few weeks if your up for it" you furrowed your brows

"You told them I like the suit?! You-really Henry?" He gave you a cheeky grin

"Well I didnt say the words but... he knew what I meant" you gave him a look and sighed shaking your head at him, deep down he was a child

"Seriously their okay with that? You wont mind me on set I mean your going to be busy" He smiled nodding quickly

"Yes Id love to have you there, we do that sometimes have our other halves come over to see us work for a while, youll get to see some of the filming and meet the others, we can spend a few nights in a hotel to if you want you know go about town anyway they gave me to okay so think it over" you smiled nodding makingnhim beam at you.

"You should go! I can take the dogs for a few weeks" your mum added snickering at the face your sister pulled as she thumped her glass down. Henry was was trying to make a point you could tell by the way he lathered you with attention more then usual,unable to keep his hands off of you, always kissing or leaning into you as he spoke with the others around the table. He seemed to get on well with everyone, your mum loved him and Dean seemed to like the his banter he fit in well with you all ,so well he was already going on a fishing trip with your brother in a few weeks, you were relaxed you had expected him to get on with your family and he had been ignoring the way your sister was trying desperately trying to flirt with him beautifuly evading all her little tricks and counteracting  all her digs he seemed to get annoyed  and eventually brought up about her wedding again useing the opportunity and switched talking to her husband who was being a right little fanboy asking for an autograph and gushing over him which pissed her off even more the final straw was when the kids got him with their water guns and found themselves casually tossed in the pool one by one by him and dean both shaking their heads they both pulled off their tops. You watched as everyone raised brows at him you licked your lips as your sister in law leaned in

"Your a lucky bitch you know that?" You both giggled

"Trust me it gets better, you want to see his thighs" she scoffed

"Fuck thighs I want to see his cock, details bitch details!"

"Leathal and addictive" You both laughed loud drawing his attention from his conversation with Dean, he raised an eyebrow at youshaking his head when you both became bright red

"I think our women are being cheeky" he smirked as you both blushed and began giggleing again, Camille was sitting drooling over him as he walked around her to the washing line throwing his and deans tshirts over it, he froze frowning when your sister placed a hand on his torso and moved up to his chest firmly.

"Wow so thats what you were hiding beneath all that?" he cleared his throat nodding then batted away her hand sat back down you grunted wanting to smack her one he stopped you kissing your cheek trying to calm you down.

"But then again you'd have to have muscles to move her about with the extra weight she carries" there were gasps and growls from around the table you froze henry growled a little his eye became cold.

"Well I think a woman should be just that...a woman big or small doesn't matter...Tho personally I'm an ass man  and your sisters is fantastic, isn't that right sweetheart?" You flushed as he rounded the table again then scopped you into his lap wrapping his arms around you under your bust making them rise a little

"And these can't forget them either" you giggled as he quickly stole kisses from you once that little ploy failed she was quiet sulking to herself watching as you and henry kept on slowly picking at the food on his plate conversation flowed nicely, that is until camille spoke up again this time going in for the kill.

"So Henry how do you feel about kids?" She asked everyone around the table stopped. Oh shit here we go.

"Camille!" Your mum warned but it was too late Henry smiled at he placing a hand on your thigh.

"Well its early days we haven't discussed it but I'd love to have kids some day and if everything goes according to plan it will be with y/n" you turned to him sharply dreading. He unknowingly walked into your sisters trap. Your heart broke at his admission and he saw it on your face as he glanced at you. In the background you heard your sister gasping.

"Oh no I'm sorry seeing as you were serious I thought you'd spoke to him." She freighned and apologetic look. It took every once of self control not to fly at her over the table.

"Tell me what?" Henry asked befor his eyes widened. Shit. Here it comes again the talk and enevitable break up. You couldn't have kids plain and simple. And no one wanted a young woman who would never be able to give him a child of his own. You gave one last tearfull look to tyour snake of a sister.

"Your a cruel bitch!" then got up leaving the table Henry right behind you as you got in the kitchen. Sitting down at the table you hung your head low hideing your tears as you knew the best thing to happen to you was about to leave.

"I knew this was a stupid idea" you managed between your sobs as you heard angry voices out side you go to move but he stops you. He leant down infront of you making you look at him.

"Hey it wasn't,no dont worry about them...Come on baby look at me." You shook your head befor quickly having him tuck you into his chest rocking you lightly calming you down. You hugged him tight trying to savour the last little comfort he was going to give you.

"Sweetheart I'm sorry its something we should have talked about Before starting to have sex huh?" He said kissing your head as he tilted your face to look at him smoothing your hair wiping your tears away with his thumb, reaching over you he tore off some kitchen roll before dabbing yout face with it and handing it to you as you unwound your arms from his waist feeling the cold prickles of dread in your stomach. Taking a deep shakey breath you steeled yourself for what was to come. He leaned against the table beside you waiting patiently.

"I.. she did this on purpose Henry love....I love you...B-but I can't have kids, well Its very unlikley....They said its nearly impossible.....I'm sorry so sorry...Youd make a great dad and I want you to know I understand....If its something you really want then we should cut our losses now befor-" you jumped as he growled gripping your chin forcing you to meet his gaze, he was stern, upset and angry. "You are not leaving me. Not over this. I meant what I said in the garden I'd love to have a family someday and if we can't have children of out own then there are other options. God knows that there are hundreds of children in the system that are waiting for loving homes to be adopted into and if we really want to go through the whole nine yards then we can have a surrogate." You gaped at him shaking your head

"Wh-what you dont understand I cant- Im not a true woman! I'm never going to give you-"

"Enough! I dont ever want to hear you say that again! A true woman , of coures you are! Your mine and who cares we can have kids other ways...Children do not make you a true woman or not I love you and we can find a way if we want our own... I suppose Camille  put that stupid thought in your head?"

"Shes right what kind of woman cant-Im broken Henry! How can you be okay with this?" You shrugged unable to continue as you began trying to fighr back sobs still not believing he would stay. He deserves a happy home full of love and family.

"I dont care love" he grabbed you shaking your shoulders a little desperate for you to look him in the eye

"I dont care I fell in love with you, not for the fact you could give me children or not, but your kind and funny and...your my soul mate I.Love.you dont you understand that, I want you no one else and this will make us stonger, you are perfect and you are not broken you my better half and my woman... My stunning, perfect woman Y/n and we are not over,I'm not leaving you and you are certainly not leaving me not over this" you sniffled still confused not fully understanding what was going on. 'Why is he saying this? Why hasn't he left? The others did' you frowned at him

"Wh-what? No yo-you should be angry...Leaving...no one wants a young woman who can't give them children of their own" You mumbled confused at him he sighed again befor loweing down to eye level releasing his grip on your chin and carassed your face lightly you shuddered leaning into him.

"Sweetheart in case you havent realised children isn't the be all and end all for me, we can find another way later down the line, besides you said its very unlikely not impossible and if we decided to try for kids you can bet your ass I will be fucking you full every chance I get! Fuck I might even tie you to the bed for a week or so and that my love is a promise and a threat.. .Really this is my fault we should have spoke about this before starting to have sex I was a little to eager in that respect." You blushed remebering just how eager he was not that he was the only one. He kissed your cheek.

"I love you, so much and I'm planning on being with you for as long as you can stand me" he said before kissing you passionatly pulling you up and sitting you on the table standing between your parted knees he pulled away. 

"You really don't have a problem with it?" He shook his head before attaching himself to you again tangeling tongues holding you tightly against his chest trying to pour all his feelings into you.

"Problem? With the enevitable fuck fest? Babe I'm a man. And like I said if that doesn't work we have options" you smiled tugging him back down giving him a tender kiss that got deeper as he pulled ou forward you heard someone clear their throat making you jump away. Peering around Henry you saw dean standing at the door arms folded you flushed and shrunk.

"So I take it by the way your sucking on my baby sister theres no need for me to,kick the shit outta you?" He asked casually Henry chuckled squeezing your hips holding you still as you tried to shimmy off the table around him.

"No sir, got it all straightened out. Haven't we babe?" You nodded sheepishly

"Good cos I don't feel like having my ass handed to me in front of my own kids...I mean I know I wouldn't win but I'd have to try...being that little twats older brother and all" you smiled at him Henry laughed

"Trust me we are good, just needed to clear the air, you know how she gets always thinking the worst,  a habbit I'm slowly breaking" Dean nodded smileing as you was tucked up in Henry's arm's as he pulled you from the table all three of you snapped your head to the door as you heard a loud cry then heels stomping into the kitchen from the garden, camille was clutching her face supporting a bloodied nose she sneared at you venomously

"Well I hope your fucking happy! Walking in here thinking your better than everyone! He probably isn't even with you! A fucking look alike escort pathetic!" You grit your teeth

"What's pathetic is a fucking married woman jealous of her baby sister! Grow up for fuck sake you are not gods gift! god sake just threw yourself at my boyfriend infront of your whole family including your husband and son" she took a step back looking for a quick escape, you'd never stood up to her like this before.

"You spent years trying to knock me down and for what? Jealousy hatred you know I don't know what I've done you make you hate me but I'm sick of trying to make it up to you, from now on you can go fuck yourself, I spent years looking up to you, wanting what you had but now I see you never had anything not really, it was always someone elses man, someone elses baby to fawn over ,your other halfs cars you had fuck all yourself and now what you've got isn't fucking worth having so you have to make yourself feel better by stomping all over me the first time I've seen it clear as day your fucking jealous!" She sniffed blinking stunned that you snapped back, you pointed at her face ignoring the way Henry moved to pull you back if you start swinging.

"I've had it, don't ever talk to me again, ever and I truly mean that, we. are. done." She took another step back shocked before screeching.

"What?"

"I mean it, this is the last straw for me, we're done I'm done you tried to sabotage the best thing thats ever happened to me because you hate the idea of me somehow out doing you. Fuck you. As far as I'm concered I have no sister" she looked upset and went to touch you but you flinched away.

"Y/n you can't mean-"

"Your a toxic and childish person Camille, come back when you grow up until then stay the fuck away" she tried blinking back tears, she never expected for you to cut her out of your life, it hurt deep she looked down then quickly made her way past you through the kitchen her husband carrying their toddler behind her looking thoughrly embarassed

"Y/n I'm really sorry-"

"Fuck off, your just as bad! You were made for each other" he sighed glancing at the others in the room before following her out seconds later the front door slammed shut so hard it shook the interior walls. You and dean shared a look turning as your mum who had been by the back door watching walked into the kitched going over to the sink she turnt on the tap running her hand under cold water.

"I don't think we will see her for a while." She said quietly as she stopped the tap "Henry could you pass me the kitchen roll please" he did as he was asked. Dean spoke up in disbelief.

"Did you just smack her?" She shook her head

"No no of course not, you should know by now I punch, that was way out of line and she knew it, then she started mouthing off to me when I told her some home truths having the audacity to try and turn it around playing the victim I've had enough of her shit stirring in this family." You mother said as she placed the kitchen roll on her red knuckles. Dean scoffed out a laugh

"Fucking typical the one time she gets what she deserves and I fucking miss it." You giggle a little. Yeah it was typical. Your mum aproached Henry.

"Im sorry you had to see that ,its not usually this bad... but this was coming for a long time, I don't know whats up with that girl but she doesn't think anyone but her has the right to be happy, everything is a competition , shes spent years putting y/n down and it must have really boiled her piss that y/n has found happiness with a handsome successful man ,she has to be top dog today she learnt she isnt. Henry I can't thank you enough for giving Y/n the confidence she needed to snap back, I've watched that girl tear y/n apart for years and none of us could give her the boost she needed to sort it out but you did." Your mother explained. Henry smiled down at you kissing your head .

"No need to apologise or thank me, y/n warned me but I thought she may have exaggerated, I was caught off gaurd and that was my fault... And we never spoke about children...if we do want them in the future we will find a way" He said sheepishly before pulling you towards him you smiled as he wrapped his arm around you keeping you as close to him as possible. It was then that david came running in. 

"Dad can we have cake now?" Dean nodded to him and ushered you all out into the garden for cake henry sat and dragged you onto his lap kissing the back of your neck lightly as you both dug into your cake.

"You ok now love?" You nodded leaning back on his chest finishing your mouthfull then reaching up you kissed under his jaw.

"Yeah I'm perfect." He ran his nose along the shell of your ear.

"Really? you've had a stressfull day, I think I might have to help you de-stress once we get home." He whispered heatedly you laughed at him as he ran his nose along your neck biting softly.

"Oi loverboy back up thats my baby sister." Dean said waving a fork at you both Henry pulled back a little with a cheeky grin.

"Yes sir, we will keep it pg....untill we get to the car" Dean laughed as the blushed slapping his arm

"Henry no!" He grinned before trapping you in a bear hug shouting

"Henry yes!" Before sucking on your neck making you wriggle trying to squirm away as everyone laughed watching your antics, finally he stopped and kissed your cheek before you both relaxed watching the kids run around hyped on sugar, you leaned back against him as he hummed into the back of your neck giving a quick kiss.That was when it really sunk in that he was still here. He still wanted you. Tears welled in your eyes as you realised it was all going to be ok. You tucked your head in his neck hiding your tears of relief.

"I love you." You mumbled into his chest he wrapped his arm around you tighter resting his face in your hair.

"I love you too" ending with a kiss on your hair looking up he saw your mum and brother looking at him  questioning what was going on he mouthed 'relief' you them and they nodded in understanding as you snuggled into him more.

[megalony]

Labour pains- Part 2

This is the follow up to my Murderer! Ben Hardy imagine which I hope you will all enjoy, feedback is always lovely.

Taglist: @lunaticspoem @butlegendsneverdie​ @langdonzvoid @jennyggggrrr​​ @rogmeddows @radiob-l-a-hblah​​ @rogertaylorsbitontheside @chlobo6​​ @rogertaylors-lipgloss​​ @sj-thefan​ @omgitsearly​​ @luckytrashgooprebel​​ @scarsout​ @deaky-with-a-c​ @killer-queen-ofrhye @bluutac​ @vousmemanqueez​ @jonesyaddiction​ @ambi-and-sunflowers @milanosaurus @httpfandxms​ @saint-hardy​ @7-seas-of-fat-bottomed-girls​ @mrsalwayswritex​ @rogerina-owns-me @hellsdragon​ @im-an-adult-ish​ @crazylittlethingg​ @allauraleigh​ @onceuponadetectivedemigod​

Murderer! Ben masterlist

Summary: Ben and (Y/n) have a son together and are expecting another baby, but problems arise when (Y/n) is adamant she doesn’t want to give birth after the trauma of her first child.

Enjoy.

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"Alright doll, I think we should go to the hospital now." Ben's words were gentle but still full of caution as he slowly sat down on the bed beside (Y/n). He didn't want to upset her or make her feel scared but it was getting to the stage where he knew they needed a midwife so they needed to go to the hospital.

For the past week Ben hadn't gone to work in case (Y/n) went into labour, they were only eight months right now and they had been past their due date with James. But (Y/n) had been uncomfortable for the past few days and the baby seemed to be moving a lot and laying lower than normal. Now it seemed that (Y/n) was in fact in labour and Ben was very pleased he hadn't gone to work because he hated the thought of (Y/n) being alone when this happened.

"No!" (Y/n) shook her head and snapped her eyes closed when another pain coursed through her stomach and made her lower back tense until she was sure her spine was going to snap in half. She didn't want to have this baby but she really didn't want to go to the hospital anymore.

The midwife had said it would be better if they had the baby in hospital due to how badly (Y/n) was panicking about the labour. Then there would be a lot more help available and if something went wrong it could be taken care of very easily. Ben seemed to agree to the idea and (Y/n) did as well in the beginning because she didn't care. She agreed because she didn't want to argue or talk about it, (Y/n) simply wanted to forget that she would have to give birth. And there was a small part of her that was praying that if she went to hospital and was this distressed they would give her a C-section and end all her pain and worries.

Now she had changed her mind.

"Doll we need to let a midwife take a look at you, I don't think we can sit here for the rest of the night." Ben rested his hand on (Y/n)'s lower back and started to rub soothing circles into her skin which looked like it was easing a little of the tension she was feeling. But he could see in the way her lips pressed together tightly that she wasn't happy or agreeing with him.

"No! They'll c-call a doctor, I don't want to go to hospital." (Y/n) kept her eyes tightly closed as she shook her head in defiance. If she went to the hospital there was nothing stopping a midwife from letting a doctor into the room and (Y/n) couldn't have a doctor coming anywhere near her. She wasn't even sure about a midwife getting too close because last time the midwives didn't seem to know what on Earth they were doing. They just let the doctor do what he pleased and they stood back waiting to take James away from (Y/n) the moment he was born.

"Doll we need to get you to a midwife-"

"If we go to hospital you can't- ... can't stop a doctor c-coming in, you can't let a doctor hurt me! Ben please..."

(Y/n) rubbed her free hand over her stomach as her other hand was braced on the edge of the bed which she felt she might fall off in a moment. She couldn't sit any further back on the bed because it put too much pressure on her lower back where the baby was already pressing on very hard. And if (Y/n) tried to stand she would only fall to her knees.

Ben could tell that when he eased his arms around (Y/n)'s waist she wanted to pull away from him like she thought he was going to hoist her to her feet and carry her to the car. But she didn't have the energy or the will to move so she tensed her body and tilted her head down until her chin was pushing into her chest. He could feel how she was waiting for him to make a move, to stand up and pick her up or try and pull her with him so he could take her to the dreaded place she couldn't force herself to go back to.

But he didn't. He eased (Y/n) back until she was leaning into his chest and he pressed his lips to the side of her neck, trying anything he could think of to keep her calm and settled.

"Doll, I swear to God that I'm not letting anyone hurt you or come near you if you don't want them to. I need a midwife to come see you but if you don't want to go to hospital then we won't, you can have this baby here at home because you're safe here and I can stop anyone from coming in if you don't want them here. Does that sound okay?"

If (Y/n) couldn't face the hospital then that was fine, Ben figured it would be more comfortable and settling for (Y/n) to have the baby at home in her own bed. She was somewhere that she always felt safe, Ben was here and he could stop a doctor from entering their home and he could tell the midwives to leave (Y/n) alone if she got too panicked and frightened. This was an environment that they could control, unlike when James was born. The only person that was going to hurt (Y/n) was the baby and there was nothing anyone could do about that.

"I- I do want this baby... b-but it hurt so much-" (Y/n) tried to look up at Ben but the tears forming in her eyes blurred his image and made it too hard to keep her eyes open. She snapped them closed and leaned her head against Ben's cheek, feeling herself beginning to shake even though Ben was rubbing circles into her skin and swaying them a little.

"I know you do doll." There was no way that Ben could be angry or upset with (Y/n) and he knew her so he knew that she did want this baby. She wasn't so distraught and afraid that she despised and hated the baby. Once this was all over and done with (Y/n) would try and forget this memory and focus on the new life that they had created. Ben was proud of (Y/n) and he couldn't fault her for the way she was reacting when she had been hurt so badly the first time. He just wanted to help but there was very little that he could do other than reassure her that he wasn't going anywhere and that he would keep her safe.

Ben moved his left hand and held it out in front of (Y/n) when she tensed and he figured another pain had suddenly hit her. He felt her fingers slipping into the grooves of his own and she rubbed her palm against his chapped one. She forced a lot of pressure onto his hand and squeezed against the joints and knuckles that had been broken many times before but there was very little pain for Ben. He had a high pain threshold that (Y/n) needed right now.

"Alright baby, I can hear the doorbell so that'll be mum here for James. I'll go get him ready and call the midwife to come here then I'll be right back with you, okay?"

Ben waited until (Y/n) let go of his hand and managed to nod in understanding before he dared move her enough so that he could stand to his feet. James was still in bed and would either be half awake or fully asleep by now but either way it didn't matter. Ben would carry him down and settle him into his mother's car so she could care for him while his new brother or sister was born.

(Y/n) could hear Ben's heavy steps as he headed out of the room and she could feel the atmosphere changing as his presence disappeared from the room. She didn't like being alone like this, the pain clouded her judgement and made her feel more desperate than she felt when she had Ben holding her. His arms were a safety net around (Y/n) and he made her feel at ease. Despite knowing what anguish normally rattled through his head and the terror his hands imposed when fisted in gloves, Ben's murderous side never showed when he was around his wife. All he made (Y/n) feel was safe and loved and right now she needed that more than ever.

When (Y/n) managed to open her eyes she looked past the open door and into the hall just long enough to catch Ben walking past the doorway with a sleeping James tucked up in his arms resting against his chest.

Whenever she saw Ben carrying James it was always in the same way, he rested James up against his chest and carried him with one arm as if their boy weighed nothing more than a feather. And even in his sleep, James was tracing the tattoo on the back of Ben's neck that he was always so fascinated by.

Her eyes followed her two boys for a moment before they suddenly snapped closed like shutters on a shop when a particularly bad pain made her legs quake and her body jerk forward.

Not knowing what to do with herself nor wanting to stay sitting on the bed, (Y/n) pushed herself to her shaking feet, wondering if pacing the length of the room might help like it had done when she had James. It hurt to walk but it hurt even more to sit and (Y/n) knew if she tried lying down she would never get back up again. But when she did a second lap around the room, (Y/n) stopped dead on her feet and stared down at the floor when she felt like there was a balloon in her stomach that had popped.

When she saw the water trickling down her legs (Y/n) suddenly felt sick to her stomach. The pains made her afraid but her water breaking made this all seem and feel real. (Y/n) didn't want this to be real, as much as this baby meant to her (Y/n) didn't want the pain it would bring her. She didn't want the pain or anguish or torment because it hurt and it wasn't something she wanted to relive.

(Y/n) snapped her eyes closed and reached her right hand out to feel for the bed as she started to move.

"No baby, no baby." (Y/n) repeated the words like a mantra she was desperate to believe as she headed over to the adjoining bathroom. She couldn't do this, (Y/n) couldn't have this baby and she didn't want to. Why couldn't she have a remote for time and skip ahead to where the pain would vanish?

"Doll- doll what are you-" Ben cut himself off the moment he came to the doorway of their bedroom and caught sight of (Y/n) practically crawling into the bathroom. Part of him wondered if she felt like she was going to be sick but he reeled back when (Y/n) slammed the door behind herself but when Ben heard the lock on the door chime he felt himself going rigid.

What was she doing?

"Doll what are you doing in there?" Ben approached the door with caution and he rapped his knuckles against the wood quietly but the controlling, darker side of him wanted to use more force and bang his fist against the door to get it open. He didn't want (Y/n) stuck in there alone because he didn't like the thought of (Y/n) trapping herself in the bathroom with how she was feeling and panicking. "Doll open the door."

"I- I don't wanna do this, I can't... I won't do it again." (Y/n) leaned her head on her folded arms that were resting on the sink. She arched her back out and tried to focus on the feeling of the cold sink making her burning arms feel more at ease.

"Baby now listen to me, you can be helped through this but not if you're gonna shut yourself away in here. Open the door and let me help you baby."

"I want it to stop and you can't stop it! I won't do it Ben I- I can't! I'm n-not having this baby I h...have to make it stop."

Ben felt his blood running cold at the desperation in (Y/n)'s voice and he could almost picture her shaking as she spoke, the fright taking over her system. He wanted to take her in his arms and make it all go away, he wanted to say he was sorry and change what had happened with James so (Y/n) wasn't scared and afraid of being hurt and cut up again. He wanted to show her that no one was doing anything to her again because he was here to protect her. But he couldn't because she was hiding away from him and everyone else because she was in pain and she wanted it to stop.

"What do you mean, doll?"

Ben leaned his forehead against the door until he could feel the wood splintering into his skin and he could hear (Y/n) crying and gasping for air. He could even tell when she was having a contraction because he could hear the hitch in her breath and the way she tried her best to breathe through a moan of agony.

"Doll what the fuck do you mean by that? Open the door now or I'll break it down." The tension in Ben's voice was clear because he too was scared. He didn't doubt that (Y/n) felt like she couldn't do this again but now he was afraid that she was going to do something rash or hurt herself because she was so desperate not to have this baby.

Ben tried his luck fighting with the door handle before he conferred with himself that he was going to have to either kick the lock or bash his side into the door to snap the metal bolt preventing him from getting to his wife.

"Doll I'm sorry I am but you're in labour, you can't stop this but you can make it easier if you open the door and when the midwife gets here everything will be okay. But if you don't let me in I'll break the door because I think you're gonna do something bad."

"Why does it have to hurt?" The broken and very quiet tone of (Y/n)'s voice made Ben's heart jump in his chest and his expression fell like it was too hard to hold up any longer. He felt the door move when (Y/n) seemed to push or lean on it but she was making no effort to open the door. She knew he wouldn't break the lock if she leaned on the door because he didn't want to hurt her and it was only fuelling the rage inside of him and that hurt him more than anything else.

"I don't know baby and I'd do anything to make it painless for you. But it won't hurt like last time because that bastard isn't gonna be here. No one is gonna cut you, no one will hurt you or be cruel or do anything you don't want them to or without telling you. We both know you can't have this baby on your own in there you need to open the door soon."

Ben didn't want to be cruel and demand that (Y/n) open the door or move away so he could break it, he was trying to coax her gently to open the door but he couldn't tell if it was working. (Y/n)'s lack of cries and screams was a good sign but he couldn't tell if she was panicking or not and she sounded in between distress and a stage of coping with this mess.

"W-what did you do... to him?"

He didn't want to tell her. Ben didn't want to admit what he had done because it had been a silent agreement between them that (Y/n) was better off not knowing.

When the doctor hurt (Y/n) security had to restrain Ben after he followed the doctor out of the delivery room when everything was over and he pinned him up to the wall. And (Y/n) could remember the day after the birth even though she had been on pain medication. Ben came into her hospital room with broken knuckles and his tail between his legs because (Y/n) didn't condone him fighting unless it was in the ring and he knew it. All he told her was that the doctor wouldn't hurt anyone else like he did her and in her state (Y/n) simply nodded and chose to forget what he had said and done.

(Y/n) was always too afraid to ask because she knew what her husband was capable of and at the time she had been eighteen and the worst she had seen Ben do had given her nightmares. But now she wanted to know what he had done, maybe it would make her feel a bit better to know that the doctor had been hurt just like she had.

"I followed him after his shift, he didn't give a fuck what he'd done he already forgot how badly he hurt you and I couldn't let him get away with it. I trapped his hands in the door of his car, broke all his knuckles and snapped his fingers to the back of his hand. I cut him too but he passed out at that point. I know how much he hurt you and he got it ten times worse doll, I promise. But no one is gonna do anything like that to you again."

Ben had pinned the doctor up against his car but he didn't even remember (Y/n) or what he'd done to her until Ben vividly reminded him all of what he'd done. Ben told him that his hands were mangled and would forever stay that way so no other girl or woman would have to be cut up like a piece of meat and no other baby would be born and left not breathing like James had been. Then Ben took a knife to him to show him what he had done to (Y/n) without giving her any pain relief before or after he took a knife to her.

Ben didn't kill the doctor no matter how desperate he had been and how easy it would have been for him to do so. He let him live because it was a better punishment for him to live with his injuries and never forget why he had them.

"Baby please open the door, this is the last time I'll ask."

Ben didn't know if it made (Y/n) feel better or worse, knowing what he had done to that doctor but he couldn't care anymore. He wanted (Y/n) safe in his arms and he couldn't trust her in there on her own.

"(Y/n) open the door!" Ben raised his voice and slammed his palm down against the door when (Y/n) screamed and moaned from a contraction that Ben could almost feel with the way her scream tore through his every fibre. It sounded like she had slumped against the door from the pain but when she started to sob and mumble something incoherent Ben started to shake. He couldn't trust her not to hurt herself.

A shudder ran down Ben's spine and he took a step away from the door when he heard (Y/n) moving about before he suddenly heard the cabinet above the sink behind opened. Ben knew exactly what they kept in that cabinet and if (Y/n) was serious about being too scared and in pain to go through with labour he knew what she might do and use to try and make it stop.

Ben rammed his left shoulder and arm into the door with force enough to feel the hinges squeak in fear and the second time he barged his weight and frame into the door the metal lock gave way to his demands.

The moment the door swung open Ben stumbled into the room and quickly reached (Y/n). She was coiled over the sink in a way that told him she was frozen due to a contraction but her face was flooded with tears and there was a bottle of pills sitting in the sink like she had knocked them off the shelf.

Saying nothing, Ben wrapped his arms around (Y/n)'s waist and spun her round so she was facing him and not the sink. He slipped am arm under her legs and the other around her back so he could pick her up and he felt relief coursing through him when (Y/n) didn't fight him. She curled up in his arms like she was shrinking and she buried her face in the crook of his neck but it did nothing to smother her tears.

"Shh, you're okay doll, I've got you." Ben spoke soothingly against her temple even though his voice shook from adrenaline and nervousness. He dared not think what (Y/n) might have done if he were only two or three seconds later in breaking the lock on the door.

Ben rested his knee against the bed so he could carefully lower (Y/n) down onto the bed, watching as she painfully shuffled to lay on her side but she hooked her arms around Ben's neck and pulled him down to her all the same. She couldn't let him go, the pain was becoming overwhelming and if he left her again she would be falling without her safety net there to catch her.

"Doll, the midwife's here. Do not move until I get back because you are gonna be perfectly fine. I don't want you being terrified about this baby because you know what you're doing and I'm not letting anyone hurt you, you know that don't you doll."

No one was going to hurt (Y/n) this time because Ben wouldn't allow it and he couldn't have her panicking because he was here and he wasn't going anywhere.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"One more push (Y/n), and then the head will be born, you're so close now." Lucy smiled up at (Y/n) from where she was kneeling on the floor in front of her but her smile wasn't comforting to (Y/n) because the pain was far too high for her to control or bear.

(Y/n) tightened her hands in Ben's and she could feel his elbows pushing into her sides like he was making sure to keep her back pressed into his chest. They were both sitting on the very edge of the bed because (Y/n) was at ease like this rather than lying down but Ben felt like she was going to fall onto the floor so he was trying to hold her tightly but not too tight so he wouldn't hurt her.

"Baby's almost here (Y/n)." (Y/n) opened her eyes and looked down at Lucy who had been very calm and attentive and understanding over the five hours she had been here but (Y/n) had been less than cooperative. She didn't want to do this but Lucy was taking everything in her stride, even when (Y/n) flinched or cried or told her to leave her alone. But when she saw Lucy moving to go through her bag she tensed up in Ben's arms and tried to push back into him.

"No! N-no don't..."

"Doll, shh she's not gonna cut you I swear. Shh." Ben pressed his lips to (Y/n)'s ear and started humming to try and calm her down, tensing his chest so (Y/n) couldn't push back into him anymore than she was trying to do. But he looked down at the midwife kneeling before him to try and silently tell her that she would have to reassure (Y/n) herself.

"(Y/n), baby doesn't need any help from me, you just have to push I'm not here to hurt you because you seem to know exactly what you're doing. Look, no knives or tools here." Lucy held her hands up for (Y/n) to see that the only thing she had was gloves and nothing else. No knife, no scalpel, no other tool to cut (Y/n) or pull the baby forcefully into the world. (Y/n) didn't need any help because the baby wasn't stressed or stuck or in dire need of assistance.

Ben continued to whisper little nothings into (Y/n)'s ear as she cried out, leaning forward until Ben clamped his arms against her sides so she didn't fall off the bed.

"See, baby's head is born now (Y/n), one more push like that and it'll all be over and done with."

Those were the words (Y/n) had been so desperate to hear and tell herself for the past eight months. She had been desperate to hear someone tell her that it would be over and done with, that she could forget all this ever happened and just turn it into a distant nightmare that was over and done with. (Y/n) wanted this baby in her arms and all the pain to go away forever.

It felt like (Y/n) was being cut in two but this time there was no knife splitting through her skin that would have to be stitched up later so that (Y/n) couldn't sit down without agonising pain coursing through her body for weeks afterwards. There was no doctor forcefully pulling her baby out into the world or ripping her skin apart without telling her what he was doing or why. There was only Ben and Lucy and neither of them were doing anything to hurt (Y/n) just like Ben promised.

"And baby's here! You've done it, (Y/n), you have a baby girl."

Ben quickly let go of (Y/n)'s hands so he could wrap his arms properly around her middle and shuffle further back onto the bed, easing (Y/n) with him when she seemed to go limp in his arms. He knew she hadn't passed out but she didn't have anymore energy left in her and he couldn't have her slumped against him when she was sitting so far on the edge of the bed. He kissed her temple when (Y/n) let her head fall back onto Ben's shoulder and he could feel her relief as he mumbled praises against her skin.

(Y/n) pushed herself more into Ben the moment their girl was placed into her arms that were really starting to shake from relief, adrenaline and pain. The pain wasn't gone yet and she knew it would still last with her for a while but it wasn't as bad as it had been earlier and it was worth it. She had been so scared that when their baby was placed into her arms, she would feel that the pain she went through wasn't worth the outcome. But (Y/n) could see their daughter was worth the pain she didn't want to go through.

"You've done it, doll. My clever girl."

[nocturne-pisces]

Title: Get A Load Of This Trainwreck

Pairing: Reader x Bucky Barnes

Rating: PG-13 for language, minor violence, suicidal ideation.

WC: 1.9k

Summary: You’re just a receptionist. You can’t save the world.

AN: This was inspired by a couple lines in a Cavetown song. Any notes would be appreciated. I take drabble requests, I specifically work well with the kind of whumpage like what I’ve written here. Special thanks to @frnkensteingrl​ for giving me the extra push and giving me an audience.

______________________________________________________________

You felt the pad of Bucky’s thumb trace over your knuckles as he drove. 

“I’m thinking after things-” he cleared his throat, figuring out how to phrase what was going on between them”-uh...get better. We should take a vacation. Anywhere.” 

The words echoed in your ears, registering as sounds in the English lexicon, but not really absorbing them. You’d barely spoken in the last couple weeks. Barely eaten. Barely slept.

You spent most of your time sitting on the floor of your bathtub letting your tears mix with the water. The drops of water drummed against your ribcage. Hollow and empty. 

“Okay,” you answered, voice cracking from underuse. He looked over and offered a genuine smile, happy that he got to hear the sound of your voice. 

A sigh raked its way through your chest as you pulled into the parking lot for Dr. Raynor’s office. Bucky had finally convinced you to go to couples therapy when you’d called him James one too many times. You were only three weeks deep. Bucky did all the talking,  you mostly stared out the window, just sitting there to appease him. 

The problem wasn’t him. The problem was you. You took a leave of absence from work for a few weeks, and it had given you the time to truly dwell on all of the things that were wrong with you. 

You sat on one end of the hideous gray Ikea couch and Bucky sat on the other, making himself comfortable while you just figured out a way to make yourself small. 

Dr. Raynor made you feel naked, like she saw through you. Her mouth was pressed into a thin line as she looked from Bucky to you. 

“How was last week?” She asked, swinging her notebook open and jotting down notes as Bucky began. 

“I think we’re doing better. She still barely speaks, but I convinced her to go out to a local pizza joint last Friday night.”

Thinking about leaving your apartment building last Friday night made your empty stomach lurch. Your friend had sent you the headline as soon as it was posted ‘MRS. WINTER SOLDIER LOOKING WORSE FOR WEAR.’ The picture attached was one of you where you looked particularly washed out, the bags under your eyes practically fucking glowing while you hugged your cardigan close to your frame. 

“And what about you, Y/N? How do you think last week went?” Dr. Raynor asked.

“Fine,” you answered, pulling your cardigan closed around you again now. 

Bucky’s leg was starting to bounce, he did that when he was irritated or under duress. You could feel the hairs on the back of your neck standing up, a tell tale sign that a storm was about to roll in. You swallowed hard.

Bucky’s thin patience snapped and his head whipped around to stare at you lightning fast. “Why wont you work on this like I’m working on this?” he thundered. You startled, your body going rigid as Bucky’s tone rolled over you in waves. He might as well have stabbed you in the stomach and twisted the blade. He rubbed his hands over his face, feeling the panic rising in his chest. The love of his life had been slipping away from him for months and he didn’t know why.

“There’s nothing you need to work on,” you offered meekly. You just wanted to deal with it on your own, compartmentalize and get over it so you could go back to being The Winter Soldier’s Perfect Wife.

“I know, I know. It’s not a me thing, it’s a you thing, but you’re not getting better and I can’t help unless you tell me what’s going on.” His voice started to falter, like he was about to fall and he was grabbing onto anything that would keep him from the drop. “Please, baby, please…” he took your hand in his, bringing it up to his mouth and kissing it. 

Though you didn’t turn to him, you closed your eyes as you drown yourself in his concern, the sob getting lost behind your ribcage while you wondered what he’d ever seen in you. The tears flowed anyways, falling off of your face and onto your sweater. When you didn’t respond to his touch, he let you have your hand back, keeping his body angled towards you. 

“Y/N, you have to let other people in if you expect to get better,” Dr. Raynor said. 

Your body felt like it was compressed too tight, like an aerosol can in a hydraulic press. Just a couple more pounds of pressure and…

“Do you want a divorce?” It was barely a whisper on your right side. You turned your head to see Bucky eye locked pointedly on his hands, eyes red and glossy while he twisted the wedding band on his ring finger. 

Your jaw dropped as your breathing became ragged. No. Absolutely not, you didn’t want a divorce. You only loved him. You only wanted him. How were you supposed to explain that you didn’t understand why he didn’t want a divorce. 

At the sound of your breaths he looked up. Bucky’s eyes went wide watching you hyperventilate. He could see the fear in your eyes as you tried to hold on to the reality around you. 

“Baby it’s just a panic attack, breathe with me,” he said, moving to crouch in front of you. 

Dr. Raynor got up from her chair and walked over to stand next to where Bucky sat.

“Deep breaths, Y/N,” she said, laying a hand on your shoulder. 

There were too many people too close to you and it was too much to handle. You felt yourself fill your lungs with air before letting out an ear splitting, blood curdling scream. You screamed until you had no air left, and then you took a breath and sobbed. 

You fisted Bucky’s shirt and shook him, rage and venom lacing your voice. 

“Ever since Steve died you’ve been America’s fucking golden boy. Your fucking redemption arch is Oscar worthy. Take a look at this monster! He doesn’t know how to communicate, everyone just give him a little bit of space! 

“And then there’s me. Little ole me. Too fat. Too skinny. Wears too much makeup. Doesn’t wear enough makeup. What is that dress? Does she own anything other than sweaters. Who designed the bags under her fucking eyes what a GODDAMNED TRAINWRECK.”

It was all pouring out of you and you couldn’t stop it. Everything you’d bottled up for Bucky’s sake since the funeral. Everything you’d tried to deal with on your own. 

Bucky was reeling. It was like someone had flipped a switch in his head and he was coming to understand everything.

“I’m just a fucking receptionist. Yes, my husband is the Winter Soldier-” you mocked, looking over at your pretend patient from your pretend desk “- He's doing so well recently. Can I schedule your fuCKING FOLLOW UP APPOINTMENT?”

You reached back and swung down into Bucky’s left arm, wanting to take your anger and frustration out on something, anything. Needing the release of catharsis, the release of pain. Bucky didn’t even flinch, he felt like he deserved it after having been this fucking oblivious for so long. When your fist connected you felt a crunch in your wrist and your face contorted as you let out a strangled cry. Bucky jumped and reached for your hand but you jerked it away from him, tears still running down your face.  

Dr. Raynor’s eyes were wide, looking to Bucky to see if she needed to call an ambulance, or a local psych ward. Maybe an exorcist? Buck just shook his head. This is the breakthrough they’d been praying for for months now, you just needed time to work through it. 

“I’m just a fucking receptionist. I can’t save the world,” you cried, cradling your busted hand to your chest. Your chest felt like it was fracturing and falling in on itself and in just a second the couch was going to swallow you up into the endless black.

You looked up at him finally, tear tracks standing out against your skin, your hand starting to swell. “Why do you love me when I’m so useless?” 

At that moment, Bucky would rather have sat in the chair for another 70 years than hear the pain in your voice. 

His own tears finally crested and tracked down his face, his nose burning and his throat dry. He set his forehead down on your knees, holding onto your calves for dear life. 

Bucky could remember every cup of tea, every tissue you’d used to wipe his tears, every time you’d woken him from a nightmare, every time you’d slept on the floor with him, every time you stitched him up so he didn’t have to deal with a hospital, every time you got the groceries by yourself because he’d broken down in the shakes in the middle of the paper goods aisle, every time you’d remembered to grab his favorite cookies, every time you waved off him being on a mission during a birthday or an anniversary. 

Bucky could remember every time you’d sacrificed yourself for him, but couldn’t remember the last goddamn time they had an in-depth conversation about you. 

It felt like someone had slapped him in the face. Fuck, you should have slapped him the face.

“I am so fucking sorry,” Bucky said, his voice cracking as he looked up into your face. 

“I’m not special, I don’t-” you started, but he cut you off. 

“You are special,” he pleaded, taking the hand you weren’t cradling against your chest in both of his, “Goddamn does it take a super kind of woman to put up with my bullshit, and you do it all without breakin’ a sweat.” 

“James, I--”

“You really gotta cut that James shit, you only call me that when you’re mad at me. Are you mad at me?”

That earned a broken chuckle from you, he wasn’t wrong. 

“No, Buck, I’m not mad at you. I just wish I was more. That I did more. Maybe if I saved a planet-”

Buck cut you off again, shaking his head. 

“Baby, you save my world every time you make brownies,” he breathed, meeting your eyes. 

It felt like the world finally rolled off your shoulders. You felt so incredibly stupid and relieved at the same time. 

Bucky wasn’t done, “no one behind a camera or writing for a blog or a newspaper or whatever the fuck they have in the impulse aisles at the grocery store can tell me all the superpowers that my wife has.”

“Oh god, I know, I’m so stupid,” tears started to spring forward again as you leaned forward into Bucky’s shoulder. 

“You’re not stupid, baby, no, but I just might be the world’s oldest idiot,” he replied, wrapping an arm around your shoulders. “I had no idea it was affecting you like this. I am so sorry I haven’t been paying attention.” He took your face in his hands and blotted away a couple stray tears with his thumb, leaning in to lay a long, loving kiss on your forehead.

“I’m sorry I let it get this bad without saying anything,” you croaked back.

Dr. Raynor cleared her throat, trying to get everyone’s attention. 

“I am so glad we have made so much progress today, but Y/N’s hand is turning purple,” she said, pointing at the hand laid against your chest. Your wrist throbbed something awful, like you’d just remembered you’d been in pain to begin with.

“Oh fuck, right, I’m sorry,” you bit back more tears, this time from physical pain. 

“Shit doll, let's get you to a hospital,” Bucky said, helping you stand and ushering you out the door. 

“Next week, same time. We’ll do another check in,” Dr. Raynor called after you. 

Maybe tomorrow, in your pain killer haze, you could look at gated communities to move to.

[smokeybrand]

Smokey brand Movie Reviews: Free City or Liquid Suffering

Free Guy is an exceptional movie and you should go watch it right now. It’s worth every penny. I wanted to get that out there up front. That’s the review. The rest of this thing is going to be me just gushing about why i think it’s one of the best films of the year. If you’re curious as to why i loved it so much, read on. But you don’t have to if you don’t want because I'm telling you, right here, right now, up front, Free Guy is totally worth everything. Its exceptional. Go f*cking watch it right now! Also, just to clarify, the title of this love letter to Free Guy has a double meaning. Free City is the name of the world in which the movie takes place but it's also the name of a pretty dope St. Lunatics album. Batter Up!

The Outstanding

I have to say, the execution of this idea was fantastic! You’ve seen this the of movie before in films like the new Jumanji joints and Ready Player One, but you’ve never seen them executed like this. I was thoroughly surprised by how entertaining, how original, the Isekai Video Game Experience was presented. F*cking outstanding!

With that in mind, credit has to be given to the director of this spectacle, Shawn Levy. He has a strong vision because this f*cking thing definitely passes the eye test as a video game. It Feels like walking into the world of Saint’s Row III, the only thing missing being giant dildo swords.

I also have to mention how brisk this thing moves. There is next to no fat on this plot an it gets you to where you need to be with purpose. I appreciate that, not because i don’t like a slow burn, atmospheric, feat for the eyes but because that type of film making wouldn’t work with this type of film. It’s long, don’t misunderstand, but it never Feels long. I never needed to pause it and take a break or try over and over to start it. It’s a solid watch that, by the end credits, will have you absolutely enveloped with the pathos onscreen.

One of the stronger aspects of this thing was the cameos. A lot of the recognizable people, like Channing Tatum and Chris Evans came through and did their thing, for sure, but a lot of the streamers made an impression, too. Color me surprised when i is aw Pokimane and Ninja. Now, I'm old as sh*t so i only have a cursory knowledge of who these people are but for Gen Z and the Alphas? I imagine they were stupid excited seeing their versions of celebrities up on the being screen like that.

Speaking of cast, i just want to give a nod to Lil Rel Howery and Utkarsh Ambudkar as Buddy and Mouser, respectively. They were great as the supportive third string partners. I was particularly surprised by Lil Rel because i generally can’t stand him in stuff but he never overstayed his welcome in this. Well done.

Ryan Reynolds is Ryan Reynolds. You know what you’re going to get in a starring vehicle for dude. Mileage may vary but I'm a fan of the motor-mouth, super quippy, schtick. My favorite superhero is Spider-man so of course i am. That said, his Guy is very earnest and likable. Even when he’s moving down player after player, he’s still just that Blue Shirt Guy. It’s real hard not to like him.

For me, the stand out of this flick was Jodie Comer. I love this chick. I was put on to her way back when i stumbled upon Killing Eve an have been absolutely enamored ever since. Her Millie the Molotov Girl is a fantastic character and she is great in the role. It’s so different from what I've seen her in and it’s testament to he skill. I’m glad she’s getting bigger roles and can’t wait to see what she does in Thor IV. I’m actually curious who she’ll be since we already got a version of the Enchantress in Sylvie. Plus, i just really like hearing Jodie’s speaking voice. It’s cute.

What can i say about Taika Waititi other than he’s Taika Waititi? Dude is doing Hitler from Jojo Rabbit but as video game company CEO named Antwan and it absolutely works. Antwan’s not even villainous, he’s just a petulant, corporate, shill, obsessed with profits. So, basically, EA but, you know, a person. Which is kind of genius because if you ask any gamer, they’ll tell you the final boss is definitely companies lie EA, Activision, and Take Two. F*ck those guys and f*ck Antwan!

I’m more than on record of loving everything Joe Keery does. From my initial introduction n the excellent first season of Stranger things, his amazing growth in the second, and becoming the best f*cking thing about the show by the third. I loved him in Molly’ Game and was shocked by his range in Spree. I can’t say he flexes his acting chops so much in this as the unrequited love interest, Keys, but he’s still fun to see.

I think the best thing about this film, though, is how much genuine heart it has. This movie is chock full of emotional nuance. I was surprised by how much i cared about the characters by the time this thing ended and all credit to that has to go to the writing. In order for these performances to present such complete relationship arcs, that sh*t on the age had to be on point and believe me, it was. Hats off to Matt Lieberman and Zack Penn. Those two mad lads delivered something really special.

The Verdict

I already said it up front. Free Guy is fantastic. It’s loaded up with great performances. Rich characters, a wonderfully world, and striking visuals. This thing Feels like a video game and movies that try to do that rarely pull it off. Like, Ready Player One does a great job articulating that same Feeling but it’s not something that is so easily capture. Free Guy does it better than that one, better than Spielberg. While all of that sh*t i said makes this thing more than worth the price of admission but, for me, it’s the overall writing that gives the movie legs. It’s incredibly well written and smarter than you’ think based on such a pedestrian premise. I’m really enjoyed my time in Free City and I'm glad it got made. Fox was playing with house money when Ryan Reynolds dropped this into their laps. They basically gave him a budget and told him to create because why not? Sh*t would be Disney's problem after the merger, right? Well, surprise-surprise, free of corporate meddling and financial projection, Free Guy turned out to be an amazing, entertaining, original, IP that everyone should support.

[myhealthmag]

What You Can Do to Maintain Your Health

A lot of factors play a role in staying healthy. In turn, good health can decrease your risk of developing certain conditions. These include heart disease, stroke, some cancers, and injuries. Learn what you can do to maintain your and your family’s health.

Path to improved health

Eat healthy.

What you eat is closely linked to your health. Balanced nutrition has many benefits. By making healthier food choices, you can prevent or treat some conditions. These include heart disease, stroke, and diabetes. A healthy diet can help you lose weight and lower your cholesterol, as well.

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Get regular exercise.

Exercise can help prevent heart disease, stroke, diabetes, and colon cancer. It can help treat depression, osteoporosis, and high blood pressure. People who exercise also get injured less often. Routine exercise can make you feel better and keep your weight under control. Try to be active for 30 to 60 minutes about 5 times a week. Remember, any amount of exercise is better than none.

Lose weight if you’re overweight.

Many Americans are overweight. Carrying too much weight increases your risk for several health conditions. These include:

high blood pressure

high cholesterol

type 2 diabetes

heart disease

stroke

some cancers

gallbladder disease

Being overweight also can lead to weight-related injuries. A common problem is arthritis in the weight-bearing joints, such as your spine, hips, or knees. There are several things you can try to help you lose weight and keep it off.

Protect your skin.

Sun exposure is linked to skin cancer. This is the most common type of cancer in the United States. It’s best to limit your time spent in the sun. Be sure to wear protective clothing and hats when you are outside. Use sunscreen year-round on exposed skin, like your face and hands. It protects your skin and helps prevent skin cancer. Choose a broad-spectrum sunscreen that blocks both UVA and UVB rays. It should be at least an SPF 15. Do not sunbathe or use tanning booths.

Practice safe sex.

Safe sex is good for your emotional and physical health. The safest form of sex is between 2 people who only have sex with each other. Use protection to prevent sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). Condoms are the most effective form of prevention. Talk to your doctor if you need to be tested for STDs.

Don’t smoke or use tobacco.

Smoking and tobacco use are harmful habits. They can cause heart disease and mouth, throat, or lung cancer. They also are leading factors of emphysema and chronic obstructive pulmonary disease (COPD). The sooner you quit, the better.

Limit how much alcohol you drink.

Men should have no more than 2 drinks a day. Women should have no more than 1 drink a day. One drink is equal to 12 ounces of beer, 5 ounces of wine, or 1.5 ounces of liquor. Too much alcohol can damage your liver. It can cause some cancers, such as throat, liver, or pancreas cancer. Alcohol abuse also contributes to deaths from car wrecks, murders, and suicides.

Things to consider

In addition to the factors listed above, you should make time for whole body health. Visit your doctors for regular checkups. This includes your primary doctor, as well as your dentist and eye doctor. Let your health benefits and preventive care services work for you. Make sure you know what your health insurance plan involves. Preventive care can detect disease or prevent illness before they start. This includes certain doctor visits and screenings.

You need to make time for breast health. Breast cancer is a leading cause of death for women. Men can get breast cancer, too. Talk to your doctor about when you should start getting mammograms. You may need to start screening early if you have risk factors, such as family history. One way to detect breast cancer is to do a monthly self-exam.

Women should get routine pap smears, as well. Women ages 21 to 65 should get tested every 3 years. This may differ if you have certain conditions or have had your cervix removed.

Ask your doctor about other cancer screenings. Adults should get screened for colorectal cancer starting at age 50. Your doctor may want to check for other types of cancer. This will depend on your risk factors and family history.

Keep a list of current medicines you take. You also should stay up to date on shots, including getting an annual flu shot. Adults need a Td booster every 10 years. Your doctor may substitute it with Tdap. This also protects against whooping cough (pertussis). Women who are pregnant need the Tdap vaccine. People who are in close contact with babies should get it, as well.

Questions to ask your doctor

How many calories should I eat and how often should I exercise to maintain my current weight?

Should I have a yearly physical exam?

What types of preventive care does my insurance cover?

When should I start getting screened for certain cancers and conditions?

Which healthy choice is the most important for me?