#i was gonna draw the meadow but i didnt feel like drawing flowers

[frecklystars]

flirty 😘😘

☆ ̗̀  drawn in December 2022   ̖́☆

[mylarena]

i dont see enough soulmate aus so. inspired by this post by @hyperfixationwizard, soulmate au where drawings and ink on skin show up on ur soulmates skin (not scars bc there would be so fucking much going on with that and im not gonna write abt itdgthfgh)

anyways. soap has always love doodling- with anything. pencil, pen, crayon, marker, whatever he could get his hands on. he’d doodle on anything and everything. the walls (when he was a kid, mainly), paper, cardboard, desks in school, napkins... but by far, his favorite was to draw on his own skin. the thought of his work showing up on someone else, someone he was practically made for and they for him- something that they could share, something that they could keep secret and hold close to their chests- it was enough to make him giddy.

so, he doodled. a pretty flower he saw on his walk to school, curling around his wrist. a bird perched on the bench across from him at the park, taking flight on the back of his hand. the stray cat that hung out on his porch, draped across his thigh. sometimes if he didnt have a notebook with him, messy schematics and notes for devices- no, ma, thats not an explosive, he swears- scrawled on his forearm.

he never sees anything from his soulmate- he checks every single day for any new marks, any words, but he never finds any. still, he keeps drawing. it doesnt usually get to him, the fact that his soulmate doesnt give him responses, but sometimes he cant help but think too much. he wonders if his soulmate likes the drawings, which leads to the thought of them not liking them, or finding them annoying, or if they think theyre bad.

one day, he caves under his thoughts and writes his first question to his soulmate, right under a bundle of primroses- “do you want me to stop?”

he waits anxiously for hours, not knowing if he’ll be able to feel the reply, or if he has to look for it, or if there even will be one-

then he feels it- a sort of pins-and-needles sensation on his left arm. he frantically rolls up his sleeve and his eyes are immediately drawn to the letters that appear on his skin. once the writing stops, he stares with wide eyes at the single word left behind- shaky, smudged, and a bit runny in some spots-

“no.”

and so he doesnt stop.

he keeps drawing, slowly moving from small little doodles of primroses on his arms and songbirds on his hands to sprawling meadows that wrap around his forearms and ravens spreading their wings across his thighs. sometimes he adds words- always short encouragements, positive quotes, or funny thoughts he has. he never gets responses, but he knows that his soulmate is still around by the occasional ink smudge that appears. anytime one appears, he incorporates them into a drawing. sometimes its a silly little doodle, and other times he spends hours creating beautiful, complex landscapes centered around them.

for years, his soulmate holds their silence. soap doesnt mind. he knows that they appreciate his art and words. at least, thats the thought he holds onto. he never holds it against his soulmate- the whole not-responding thing. hes well aware that he can be a lot to handle; hes heard it constantly from the majority of the people in his life. he just hopes that maybe his soulmate can tolerate him more than most.

he was 14 when things changed.

he had gotten home from school, completely ignoring his parents in the kitchen and opting to power walk to his room. it had been a shitty day; he had overslept and missed the bus, causing him to be late to class, and then some dickwads from the year above him decided that he was a good target to snag lunch money from, (really? stealing a kids lunch money? why would they pick something so fucking cliche? god, get some fresh material,) and to top it all off he got a shit grade on his book report.

as usual, his solution to a bad mood is to draw, get his emotions out on a page instead of letting them linger in his mind. unlike usual, though, he decides to bypass his notebook and instead grabs a pen, chooses a clear spot on his arm.

it took a while, but he finally ran out of steam to continue- it had been nearly two hours since he began. he was about to walk over to his bed and flop face down into his pillow when he felt it- the pins-and-needles of words being written that he had only felt once before. his eyes zeroed in on his arm, right under the drawing he had finished.

“two goldfish are in a tank. one turns to the other and asks, ‘do you know how to drive this thing?’”

soap snorts, more due to the situation than the shitty joke itself- and rushes to grab his pen again. no chance he was letting this opportunity slip by.

“why was the strawberry crying?”

“why?”

“because he was in a jam.”

and so the night continued like that- they exchanged shitty jokes back and forth for hours that night, up until soap was called for dinner.

[fxrcfly]

Btw guys, I need your help with something... If there is anyone, who knows how to emotionally/mentally close yourself off for a while or how to deal with unpleasant situations at work (!!) which you can’t get out of, please take a look under the read more!

WARNING! There will be mature themes, mention of sa.dism/mas.ochism and mention of hum.iliation.

I know my blog isn’t popular or anything, I don’t get likes on posts unless it’s a plot I’ve reblogged, but I hope someone will open this page and read it. And maybe even help me.

My parents don’t know how to close yourself off, neither does my bff, so I’m coming to you, my followers.

First of all, I work at a copy center as a computer operator. What do I do? Mostly I do regular printing on all the standard paper sizes, I print of regular paper, photo paper, postcard paper, magnetic paper etc, I print plane tickets, thesis, blueprints, posters, photobooks, canvas, pictures etc, basically anything you can imagine. Almost. And I do scanning (that’s when, for example, you need to get a document from paper to PDF and send to an email or something (for those who know what scanning is - you’d be surprised how many people don’t know the difference between scanning something and making a plain copy of something)).

Now that you know what I do at work, I can tell you about this one client who makes me feel very uncomfortable and uneasy. There is this one old guy, for whom I have scanned pictures three times already. He has grey hair, a bit pervy mustache and he always seems happy to be here. Well, his looks doesn’t matter, I have no problem with that, but the things he asks me to scan for him....... The first time I met him I got lucky I guess. It wasn’t anything disturbing, but the second time... He needs us to scan him magazine clippings with naked women and naked men clearly taken from some kind of erotic newspapers and magazines, most of them are drawings, cartoons or something. But this time there were A5 sized fully naked women with texts where men were humiliated, degraded, called low-lifed animals. And that’s not it. He needs us to edit those cut-outs in photoshop (resize and crop them) and then he wants us to put multiple pictures on one page and then print it out multiple times. In total it takes 30-40 minutes to do everything he needs for him to leave.

We have a rule a rule at work, that we can’t look/read the things out clients bring us to copy and scan, but FUCK! You need to be blind not to even have a small glance at what you need to scan to do it properly and not just like ‘let’s just not look and throw it on the scanner like some toilet paper’. And those texts glued on those pictures... I try my best to not read them and not to look at those pictures in general, but I can’t help if there are a couple of words that stands out. And there was this uneasy, kinda panicky feeling, like I wanted to just turn around and walk away to the back room to be far away from it. Please don’t get me wrong, I’m not judging him by what he likes, it’s just he’s a complete stranger standing in front of me, I don’t know anything about him, not a name or anything, just the fact that he gets off to these things! I DON’T WANT TO KNOW THAT!! I DON’T WANT TO FUCKING KNOW! And he looks at me like this is no big deal. Well, congrats that you are so comfortable with it, but I DON’T LIKE THIS SHIT, IT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE I’M ABOUT TO HAVE AN ANXIETY ATTACK FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE. Well, of course there is this other side of it - we all are grown people, we all have seen porn at some point, but coming with it to a public place and make someone look at it at their workplace when they are least expecting it and make them feel shitty is just... Idk, I’m at loss of words.

That day after I finished my shift I walked out of the building and somehow managed to lock it away, forget about it. But then came the worst part - the next morning. As I entered the building I was scared to see that man again waiting in the line for scanning again. I didn’t feel safe at my workplace.

I wrote an email to the personnel guy, he didnt know what to do either, he promised to email this to our boss and ask her what would be the best thing to do in this situation, because I can’t give this guy to another colleague and make them deal with this, I can’t refuse to scan his pictures, because it turns out we have done it in the past (but no one had said anything) (and in our company the client always comes in the 1st place)...

(And not to mention the fact that sometimes there are kids running around while their parents are waiting in the line for printing or copying and they can see these pictures anytime)

To be honest I wouldn’t have written anything about this on here, but this guy came in today too, I called the next umber in line and he came smiling towards me. This time I knew what to expect, but nevertheless I felt uncomfortable. And this time I even felt sick to my stomach, I don’t know why. My body just reacted this way. And this time some of those pictures were literal porn.

So... The question is, how to not be affected by seeing something like this? Should I try to think about a meadow full with flowers? That sounds dumb, I know, but I really have no idea how to deal with this. Every time I see him now my insides twist and turn and I just feel sick. Maybe you have some experience with something like this (I hope not tho) and you could share your story? You know, days go by and I forget about this guy, but then I see him again and all of this bugs me again. I’m already sick of it! I honestly don’t know what to do. And I know, one option is to just say fuck it and change the job. In fact I’ve been wanting to do that since September/October, but since I have already quite big vacation plans for the end of this month I couldn’t afford to change jobs, because I wouldn’t get paid vacation at the end of January. And besides it pays quite okay. But to deal with clients like this one... I don’t think it’s gonna cut it.

Btw one of the things we offer are ‘designing’. Basically, if we need to do editing for our clients it costs 0.25 EUR for 1 minute. Last time he paid around 35 EUR (around 42$) total, this time it was 48 EUR (around 57$), because color scanning, color printing, there were around 20 pictures and I had to edit them all. I’m hoping he’d understand that we are too expensive for his needs and he’d get a 2-in-1 scanner and printer of his own. Really, just look! He came here two times and he could already buy himself a printer for that money.