#i was like am i getting slower? these days lining these comics takes forever

[franeridart]

The Housecat Philosophy - Ep 19

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[theminecraftbee]

so, first, accountability statement: I plan on trying to finish the “zedaph steals a baby” fic by the end of the month and god is that one-line summary no longer accurate but we’re sticking to it, said here publicly so now I have to do it. obviously I also have recursive exchange and the writing I have for hotguy comics zine, but I am not SUPER worried about either of those time/inspiration-wise at the moment and also for Reasons I know it won’t be long until I have more free writing time after that, SO.

various items that are on my potential writing docket, I am curious which of these appeal most:

I dust off the supervillain support group au. two ways this could go: I chip away at the second arc of my original outline and acknowledge this will be like a 300k fic I’m not ready to feel “done” with or “ready to post” with for ages, or I re-work it into something a little more doable and less ambitious keeping the same premise (ren runs a support group for supervillains, doc pov as he starts to heal and redeem himself). this MAY honestly be a target for “if I don’t hate the first 50k on re-reading it and I can actually make my brain write the second arc, do a slower release schedule and then start releasing chapters before I’m done writing”? but this ALSO runs the risk of “I stopped writing it, which is often a sign I was having trouble writing it”.

pearl monster au, which has been cooking in my head for a long while. the basic premise is “one day, pearl, with no memory of how or why this happened, wakes up in a facility as a monster and must try to figure out how she got there, escape, and find her way home, even knowing she may be irrevocably changed”. now with bonus season 10 fish flavor to add to this creature design I’ve been iterating on in my head for forever! this one is ALSO an experiment for me in “can I write a fic where I can’t write dialogue for basically the entire first act”, which would be interesting to see from me, you know?

the related “bigb folklore au”, where after secret life bigb is woken up by Cat and Dog by the tracks of the King Snake, which bigb can recognize as the railroad track, and decides to journey down the railroad to see if he can figure out what the fuck is going on. I need to do video review of life series bigb for this one. this is my excuse to get Weird and Metaphorical and also assign everyone to various animals for no reason, along with using some very specific aesthetic I have wanted to use for some worldbuilding but hadn’t gotten around to yet in any of my stuff. man walks through the desert with animal, confronts train that might be the watchers, might be death, and might just be a train. also, realizes that “confront” is the operative word there and has to deal with that. you know how it is.

““office au””, in air quotes because it’s not REALLY what anyone going to an office au is looking for so much as an excuse to write weird horror. iskall, normal-ish software developer man in a boring office job who does game jams in his free time, goes to work one day to work in his boring downtown office on a payment system for a client. and then things, uh, Take A Turn. this would be a LITTLE me going “what if I wrote an au with a guy who works in tech but like, the boring side of tech I’m in. like, banks and consulting and manufacturing and shit. where you sit in meetings all day and tweak java 8 code even though that language is ten years out of date. but THEN. something exciting happens in the worst way possible.” I’m doing to iskall what I did to mumbo stuffed bird is what I’m saying. it’d be fun.

DO ANY OF THESE PARTICULARLY INTEREST ANYONE. your input will be valued. like 50% chance i get hit with a strong bolt of inspiration then IGNORE that input but it’ll be valued all the same,

[thatguy-thisguy-yourguy]

💞Dating Headcanons For Dante and Randal💞

Dante ~ 

I am a firm believer that he would cook for you. It relaxes him! It’s nice to do responsible things without the obligation to do it. His favorite things to cook are breakfast and homemade pasta, which can turn into a team effort. Sometimes bread..just things you need to knead?(ha)

Visits at the quickstop. If you have a break, it lightens up his day for you to stroll in and say some corny ass line “Is this for sale?” and gesture to him. Talking to you on the slower days speeds them up, however he wishes times like those could last forever.

If he is the dad of the place, you are most definitely the other parent now. Cue you both rolling your eyes at the same time. 

Selfcare together. Playing with his hair and vise versa, him painting your nails if you let him, shoulder massages, and a lot of that tracing shapes on each other’s skin

He’s jealous, and we all know this. It can be a real pain in the ass, but you gotta stick to your guns and be like “hey man, I spend like half my time hanging out with you when i’m not working! What else am I doing?” or perhaps the “no bitches” face. I don’t know what you lovebirds do out there

Nights where you guys decided to just take it easy and order takeout. You both fall asleep during the movie, so you’ve resorted to rewatching them until you see the whole thing

   Randal  ~

Flirts like you’re not dating. Not because it’s comically a lot, although his specialty is swiff one liners to fluster you. He just pulls the “hey, wanna go out sometime?” no matter how long it’s been. He’ll go to your home and ask you “Come here often?”

Expect to be info dumped on. By the time he’s done telling you about all the movies he’s seen, good, bad, and porn, you’re practically as knowledgeable on them as he is. He likes having someone listen, and you think his rants are cute. It’s a win-win

Physical affection is what he does best. Are you within arms reach? Well you’re gonna be. Always has an arm around you when you guys are hanging out, and sometimes when he’s feeling especially romantic, he’ll hold your hand. One of his favorite things to do is watch a movie with you laying on his chest. Or if it’s at the rental place you can either sit next to him with your head on his shoulder or sit on his lap if you so desire. He’s not complaining

Kind of easy to get him bashful? Trace things on his arm or hand, rub his knuckles with your thumb, lean your head on his shoulder while just chilling. He likes to feel wanted, and being treated softly rather than like an asshole is nice

Take off his hat and run your hand through his hand dude. Do it. It does not bite. Bro will melt. 

Although sometimes it seems like he doesn’t care, he’ll remember everything you tell him from the sock you lost a month ago to your favorite band. You’ll say you lost something and three weeks later he’s like “hey, you ever find that thing?”

[thenightling]

My opinion on some of the Netflix Sandman rumors

We fans don’t have much in the way of substantial news about The Sandman Netflix series.  All we have are rumors and gossip.   I have compiled some of the rumors here along with my opinions on those rumors.  Consider this a disclaimer.  I am only a fan.  I do not have any inside info.   All the rumors here are ones that can easily be found on various sites online.   Now to begin...

Rumor: Morpheus will be captured in 1916 but will not escape until present day.  

This rumor has been confirmed true by Neil Gaiman on his Tumblr account and other Social media websites.  In my opinion this was wise because it enables Morpheus’ capture to continue to overlap with the real-world sleeping sickness outbreak of Encephalitis Lethargica.  

Rumor:  Michael Sheen is playing Lucifer.

This rumor was debunked months ago by Neil Gaiman but I surmised that the one who started the rumor had found out he was playing Lucifer for The Sandman audio drama and had gotten confused.  I was right.   I DO however suspect Michael Sheen and possibly David Tennant will have roles in The Sandman Netflix series, just not the same role Michael Sheen had in the audio drama.

My Opinion: I’m all for Michael Sheen having a role in The Sandman Netflix series.  Him and David Tennant.  

Rumor: Doug Jones is going to be in The Sandman as a supporting character.

This rumor comes from two clues.  The first being that Neil Gaiman has spoken about his like of Doug Jones and Guillermo Del Toro almost did a Sandman adaptation with Doug as Morpheus.  Doug Jones even brought this up recently, which suggests that the subject might be on mind.   

My opinion:  Doug is an excellent character actor and I want this to be true.  He should be in Sandman.  I love Doug. And there are plenty of characters he could play.  Lucien, Mervyn Pumpkinhead, Doctor Destiny, various nightmares.   

Rumor:  Liam Hemsworth or Dacre Montgomery will play The Corinthian.

Opinion: I like Liam Hemsworth.  He deserves a shot but Dacre is also good.

Rumor:  Tom Sturridge is playing Morpheus.

Opinion:  I am 90% sure this rumor is true. There are a number of sources claiming the same thing.  Also just google how the man looks.  I think he’ll do a fine job.  I thought Oliver Farnworth would have been excellent too but I’m sure Tom Sturridge would be fine. 

Rumor:  The Netflix Sandman series will see Dream take many forms including a female form.

Opinion:  This isn’t really new.  We saw Dream’s feminine side in Overture.  If it bothers you to see Morpheus might have a feminine side, you probably shouldn’t be watching something like Sandman anyway.

Rumor:  Death will be played by a black woman.

The source of this rumor comes from Neil Gaiman saying something about loving the actress chosen for Death but feeling some people will complain.

Opinion:   ...So?   She’s an Endless.  She can look any way she wants.  I would have liked to have seen Jamie Chung in the role though.  She voiced her for the Death short that accompanied the Wonder Woman: Bloodlines Blu Ray.

Rumor:  Morpheus’ extended capture will effect his reunion with Hob.

My opinion:  Uhhhh Duh.

Honestly though this makes me VERY curious as to how their reunion will play out. I hope it is just as sweet as the comic. 

Rumor:  The Corinthian will appear fairly early in the series and even advise Roderick Burgess how best to contain Morpheus.

Opinion: Well, according to the leaked Corinthian audition this is true.  I don’t mind it at all.  It makes sense. It fits.

Rumor:  Alexander Burgess’ story is now more sympathetic and he as well as his father will age slower because of Morpheus’ capture.

Opinion:  This seems likely based on certain leaks.  And I kind of hope this means Morpheus will be able to punish Roderick and not Alex.

Rumor:  Alex will now have an older brother who died during World War 1, a brother that Roderick preferred, and he takes out his grief on Alex in abusive ways. it also gives Roderick a new motivation for wanting to capture Death.

Opinion: This is likely true based on certain leaks from last February.  I have mixed feelings about this because sometimes parents are just assholes.  They don’t need a tragic loss to set off their abusive behavior.  It also made Roderick worse (in the comics) that he treated his only (known) son the way he did. It’s been recently established in the comics that John Dee was actually Alex’s half-brother.  I guess it all depends on how this is done. 

I also don’t think Roderick needs to be grief stricken in order to want to control Death.   This is a cliché, a cliché we saw in Disney’s Gargoyles and even in Hercules and Xena.  Someone loses someone they love and tries to capture Death in order to bring them back.  Roderick doesn’t need this trope.  He was an occultist who wanted to be a big shot in the world of early twentieth century magick users. In my opinion that should be enough but I’ll keep an open mind. 

Rumor:   They were supposed to start filming in May but it was delayed to late October because of Covid.  

This one is true.

Opinion:  Hurry up!

Rumor:   Roderick Burgess has no real magick in the show.

Opinion: Sadly this is likely true based on a character description leak from the casting call.  I shall miss seeing Sykes’ head explode...  Honestly I kind of hope this is wrong.  I’m tired of magick being diminished in comic book TV and film.   

Rumor:  The first season of Sandman will combine Preludes and Nocturnes with The Doll’s House.

Opinion:  This is likely true.  I’m fine with it.  It might flow better for TV this way.

Rumor:   The “A game of you” storyline will have trans people writing.

Opinion:  This makes sense  And this is pretty much already confirmed true.

Rumor:  The Netflix show will have the same cast as the audio drama.

Opinion: Though I would not mind this, I know it is not true. This is likely the result of an IMDB listing for the audio drama mistakenly calling it a show and some fans mistaking that IMDB page as being the one for the Netflix series.

Rumor: The Netflix Sandman series is canceled and the audio drama is all we’re getting.

This rumor is absolutely false!    It’s a stupid rumor made by those who had no idea the audio drama was happening before the pandemic even hit.   The audio drama is not compensation because there will not be a Netflix show.  Both will exist.

Opinion:  Shame on those leaping to this conclusion and spreading it as fact. 

Rumor: A character named “Ann” is being cast and she’ll be a major recurring character. 

Opinion:  I’ve seen this sort of thing before.  It’s how you hide what character they are trying to cast.  Clearly this is a major female character for the show and probably was a name used as a place holder for Death of The Endless or even Rose Walker.  I’m not too concerned about this.  Some fans are upset and already raging that they’re making up a new character just for the show, ala Chloe Decker in Lucifer.  I don’t think there’s anything to worry about here.

Rumor:   Tom Ellis will not be playing Lucifer.

Opinion:  Tom Ellis has wanted to move on from Lucifer for a while.  He wants season six of Lucifer to be its last.   Let him move on. Neil Gaiman also wants his Lucifer to be different from the Lucifer TV show version.  The Lucifer TV series deviated heavily from the comics and it might confuse people with the big differences in lore.  It is probably for the best that Tom Ellis not play Lucifer.

Rumor:  The Sandman is why Lucifer is being canceled.

Opinion: No.  Lucifer has been canceled three times now. In fact the first time it was canceled The Sandman TV series had not been picked up by Netflix yet.  Lucifer has had six seasons.  For a paranormal police procedural that’s a good, long, run.  Not everything can be Supernatural.   Forever Knight (and most shows of that type) only had three seasons.  Lucifer out lived the norm for its type of show and survived two cancelations.   Let it go.   Do not blame Sandman.  The Sandman is what gave us Lucifer, not took it away.  The Sandman is where the story of Lucifer quitting, opening Lux, and taking up piano came from. 

Rumor:  The Sandman is the most expensive show DC has ever made.

According to Variety this is true.

Opinion:  It probably has to be expensive.  Look at all the stuff they need to show us, the sets and special effects needed.

Rumor:  Lucien might be played by a woman.

Apparently this rumor started because some of the Morpheus auditioners let slip that they auditioned with a woman as Lucien.   

Opinion: I’m not sure how I feel about this.  I love the character of Lucien.  A a woman version might take a little getting used to. I don’t hate the idea, I just prefer how he appears in canon.   Further note, I kind of hope he has a full head of hair like he does in the recent comics.  There is a very high chance she was just reading his lines since at the time the role being cast was Morpheus, not Lucien.

Rumor:  The Sandman could air as early as Summer of 2021.

Opinion:  *Insert bitter laugh here.* I wish...

Rumor:   Alexander Burgess is gay.

Opinion: And in other news water is wet!

Rumor: Desire will be played by someone who identifies as Genderfluid or nonbinary.

Opinion: This is very likely true.

[weltonreject]

twenty, two ways

|| the long promised dialogue-heavy cigarette sharing fic; Theo’s emotionally congested (again) and Boris gets him to talk. Slice of life-- and Heaven. || ao3

Theo was laid out on the steps of Hobart & Blackwell. It was dramatic, he knew, but he was in his best jacket and scarf, and had just shined his shoes; no one would think he was in trouble or dead. He was just a weird twenty-something with a lit cigarette in his hand-- and an antique, purple glass astray brought from inside the shop. Theo was on his way through his second pack in less than forty-eight hours. He needed to slow down, but he just couldn’t find it in himself to want to.

He’d been in such a deep, molasses- type feeling for going on two weeks, it felt wrong to stop the one thing he was doing quickly. Theo was actually good at smoking quickly-- at making himself so sick he thought he’d pass out or throw up or do some combination therein. Why stop?

Well, one reason appeared at the end of the block, talking loudly into his cellphone in a slippery combination of English and Russian that Theo was too tired to grab tightly around. Boris hated how Theo’s cigarette’s smelled. He preferred any brand but Theo’s. Hell, he’d asked Theo if he’d start smoking cigars instead.

Theo didn’t, but for a different reason than just refusing to stop his escalating nicotine addiction.

“Okay, okay-- I call you back. Have gotten to meeting now. Have to go. Okay okay... I-- Am hanging up now.” Boris ended his call with a short sigh and tap of his heels on the sidewalk at Theo’s feet.

“Meeting? Is that me?” Theo asked, not sitting up. He tucked his chin down to look at Boris down to his feet. He was dressed well-- impressive but understated, per usual.

“Have to sound like am somewhere they cannot call back.” Boris shrugged. “Very pushing.”

“Pushy.” Theo said, putting his near-filter cigarette between his lips. “And in your line of work? I find that hard to believe.” Theo pulled quickly and harshly, flaring the red embers and finishing off the last of his eighth cigarette.

“Potter.”

Theo stubbed out the end and fished for another one in the box beside the tray. “What.”

“What are you doing outside? Like this?”

"Hobie won’t let me smoke inside, you know that.”

“Potter, you are... French Girl on steps.”

Theo furrowed his eyebrows, looking at Boris with a short grunt of confusion. It took for Boris to pretend to drape himself sideways, a hand pretending to touch a Heart of the Ocean necklace for Theo to cough up a laugh.

“I technically half own this shop; I can be... moderately weird looking on my own front steps.” Theo spoke around the cigarette, his lips pursed and hands cupping around the end and his lighter.

“Potter, what is problem?”

What was his problem? Rather, when wasn’t there a problem? Why did Theo have to be so disagreeable? Absolutely nothing made him relieved anymore. Every day was... well, it was nice: waking up and getting an improved Las Vegas experience with Boris. But it was looked at from behind a glass, from behind a refusal really be present. Theo was waiting for something to give-- for someone else to disappear-- he just couldn’t settle. Theo was waiting... but he didn’t even know where to look to brace for impact.

It was far easier to just sit and smoke, completing one three-inch task at a time.

“I don’t have a problem.”

“You are terrible at lying. You know this, yes? Are aware cannot lie-- and cannot lie to me most?” Boris laughed. He moved the ashtray and sat on the step with Theo. “You fight with Hoobie?” He mispronounced.

“No, it’s not about him.” Theo pinched his cigarette between his knuckles. In his denial, he’d implied the only other man present.

“Is about me.” Boris said. He grabbed the cigarette from Theo’s fingers, quickly putting it between his lips-- almost with a smirk. “I have done what now?”

“No, no don’t say it like that.” Theo groaned, pushing himself up onto his elbows. “I’m not trying to start an argument with you.”

“Can talk about being annoyed without starting an argument.” Boris said with a laugh. “Is this why you and wife never worked out?”

“Ha ha. Hilarious.” Theo slouched back, his spine ribbing against the rough edge of the cement steps. As if his quick-drawn, slowly-shot temper was the reason he and Kitsey had severed the engagement. As if Boris didn’t know rightly well-- making smoke rings and looking pleased with himself-- what and who the real reason included. “Asshole.” Theo took the cigarette back from Boris after a long few minutes of hypnosis-- watching him pull his cheeks in and then shape the smoke in front of him. He’d smoke it down to the filter already.

Boris fiddled in his pockets for his lighter as he pulled another one from Theo’s pack. “So what is issue? It is me, Potter, I am not present for very little of your day-- and in that time, you have gotten upset. Tell me-- ack fucking zapalniczka-- Tell me what has happened to you.” His lighter finally caught and his eyes darted back to Theo’s face. The protected flame flickered and twinkled across his face.

“To me? Why am I the object of this? Why are things being done to me? What am I just some--” Boris blinked at Theo. He blew all the smoke from his first pull directly into Theo’s face. “Okay. So picking a fight about your English maybe isn’t the right angle here.”

"Genialność.”

“Sorry.” Theo toss his cigarette butt down and stomped on it. He ground the filter across the rough sidewalk. He expected it to smear, but the white fluff tore and webbed on the emerging bits of gravel.

“So you need to talk, yes? Willing to pick bone with my sentence-- empty fight.” Boris held out the cigarette. “Something is bothering you. Can see it in your shoulders. You do not sit right when you are upset-- angry? Is it anger, Potter?”

Was it? Was Theo angry at Boris-- or whatever it was about Boris that made Theo’s entire world brighten, but also feel that much darker when he wasn’t there to distract him. “No. I’m not angry at you.”

"It is about me.” Boris wasn’t offended or surprised. He was formulating an answer.

“No-- No, it’s not. I just said it wasn’t-- Boris, can’t you just drop it? I don’t want to fucking talk about this right now.” Theo pinched the cigarette between his thumb and forefinger.

“What is this? You have not said anything! Have just said is not is not is not. What is it!” Boris leaned his elbow on the step above him, leaning his body back but also closer to Theo. He lowered his voice and furrowed his eyebrows. “Potter, can tell me. Is it something that happen at work? People come in? Cause trouble?” Theo expected there to be a joke-- or at least the comic relief of Boris thinking someone held up the shop or robbed it. But, Boris was seriously only inquiring about anything out of the ordinary. Out of the realm of numbness.

Boris wanted to know about what made Theo feel-- and today, it was just the slow phases of waiting, bracing, denying. Maybe Boris was asking to hear about those other feelings too, but Theo couldn’t speak them first. Not before he thought they were real and lasting. The ground was just starting to feel sturdy under him.

“No trouble.” Theo said with a shrug. He passed Boris the cigarette again. Boris took it with a slow hand.

Theo remembered, when Boris coughed and sniffled shortly, again just how much Boris hated his brand of smokes.

Theo watched Boris place the innocently damp end of the cigarette between his own lips. The dryness of Boris’s lips stuck to the paper gently as he pulled it back out of his mouth, resting his arm over his knee. Theo licked his own lips-- not sure what he thought he’d taste.

“Hm.” Boris hummed. He paused before taking another drag. “Okay.”

Theo watched his mouth again, knowing the vitriol Boris held for the flavor, for the smell and feel of the paper, for everything but the man who always smoked them. Boris inhaled slower than Theo had been feeling all week; it was a strange feeling of solidarity. Of being seen in the dark, even when Boris wasn’t looking.

It was like Theo could know he’d always be found.

“I’m upset about you.” Theo said, swallowing the thickness in his throat.

“About? I do not understand-- about me?”

“About you-- about what... what we’re doing.” Theo rolled his eyes at his own immaturity. “It feels...” He clenched his jaw and Boris waited, waving his hand in a circular motion to egg him on. “It feels weird still. It feels weird and kind of... weird, okay? I-I don’t like it.”

“Do not like being with me?” Boris said with far too much neutrality for Theo’s comfort.

“No! Not literally, Boris. It’s like... It’s not supposed to be like this. Things like this don’t last forever.”

“Since when is that rule?”

“Since we’re both addicts that nearly got arrested for-- God, you name the crime.” Theo said dryly.

“You mean to say,” Boris coughed and pointed at Theo, handing him the cigarette back. He waved his smokey exhale away from Theo’s face. “we are two men that are not like people here.” He smoothly moved his hand over and waved at the sidewalk. It was a surprisingly acute summation of Theo’s unarticulated turmoil. Theo blinked quickly.

"I don’t want it to crumble under me.” Theo muttered. “I can’t have that happen again... First my mom and then the Barbours and then my dad and then the Barbours again and--” Theo accidentally sighed before he was ready to exhale his smoke. “I just want one good thing to last, you know?”

Boris nudged Theo’s hand. At first Theo thought he wanted the cigarette, until he felt another gentle graze of Boris’s fingertips over the inside of his wrist, warm and slightly sticky.

“I know.” Boris said quietly. “Will last as long as we need it to.”

“What if I want that to be forever? Does that make me-- I don’t know? Does that ruin it?” It ruined it. It definitely ruined it. To want something to outlive it’s expiration date? To claw out one more year when the sun and gone down--

“No.” Boris grabbed Theo’s hand, looking as if he was catching him from falling. “Because I want end of time too. Want us to be dying or dead before we give up on what it is we share.”

The touch-- public and openly intimate without any confusion-- scared Theo. “Either way, you know I’ll find you in Hell anyway.” He diverted.

“Pfft, as if I am not going to Heaven.” Boris laughed, leaning in and gently pushing on Theo’s arm. “Have done great service-- gone all over God’s green earth for pure great things in life. I am good person! Straight to Heaven!”

"Promise to bring me with you?” It was hollow wish, asking to go to Heaven. Theo knew the futility of impossibility.  It was nice to know Boris would be with his mom though--

“Potter, is no question. You are going to be with me.”

Even in death, even beyond his realm of knowing, Boris was so certain. Maybe he knew something Theo didn’t. Wouldn’t be the first time.

Theo wondered if Boris knew everything Theo did-- everything he was thinking, in that moment and always.

“Thank you.” Theo put out his cigarette on the railing, sitting up straight finally.

“Why? Have not said anything that is not basic fact. No need to thank me.”

“Thank you... for this moment of, uh, Heaven, I guess.”

“Will give to you any time. Am always yours.” The sincerity pushed down on Theo’s shoulders, slowing him down but if only to be able to wade in the moment. It was warm in a way his prickling fingertips could not be.

As Boris pushed himself up to stand-- and turned to help Theo do the same-- Theo licked his lips, still trying to taste the same nicotine and hesitation he could see glossing the swell of Boris’s bottom lip. It wasn’t time to know then what it tasted like. Later. Theo would find out-- ask-- when they were quiet, safely together, tucked under the awning of the basement door.

Bitter and sour, but pulling Theo with a taunting sweetness. Coarse under Theo’s fingers, but familiar to thread between them. All with heavy smoke circling their clothes that looked a whole lot like clouds in the bright shine of afternoon. Heaven that followed them wherever they went. Heaven that was them.

[toastydoodles]

(Art Blog) | (Twitter) | (Instagram) | (Storenvy)

((Had to get in one last post before the new year!))

I HAD THE MOST STRESSFUL FUN THIS OCTOBER doing these three conventions three weeks in a row, not to mention doing multi-day conventions for the first time! There were ups and downs but I had so much fun and by the end of my con season my brain was utterly fried!!

Thank you so so much to everyone who stopped by, and to those who followed me here sometime in the past couple months: Hello!! Thank you for supporting my art and I hope you enjoy your stay!!

That said, I’m gonna talk a bit about this con season. GET COMFY, ITS LONG

So con prep started in late August when I learned that I actually got into Kumori after having been on their waitlist for a while. I knew then that I REALLY had to kick my ass into gear lol

At this point, I was still in the middle of my 40 hr (+ 12 hr travel time) a week summer internship, so I didn’t have all day to work on my prints until the weekend, but my weekends were usually taken up spending time with loved ones and friends. Or gaming, since I didn’t have the time during the weekdays >_>

Then college came back around, giving me 4 classes, a student job doing graphic design, and club activities + homework! When I thought I’d have more free time, I actually had less! But with cons approaching, I drew more than I would have if I didn’t have cons AND found myself improving when it came to doing prints again.

The biggest issue popped up a week before BCC. LONG story short, I suddenly did not have a button maker to borrow anymore. I weighed my options: either lose money on potential button sales (which made up most of my sales in previous years) and shelf my button designs, or drop $500 on a button maker set to make them in time for Kumori and Jet City. This is also keeping in mind that I might not be able to do too many cons in the future.

I bought the button maker. But, since I am the luckiest daughter in the world, my parents swooped in to pay for it as an early Christmas present. I will be making so many wearable memes with this gift and I am GRATEFUL.

Another issue I ran into the WHOLE MONTH was not being able to take card. I’m forever rejected from Square (tl;dr, my phone glitched during signup and shredded through all the signup attempts I can possibly have. Customer service basically said “welp, sorry!”) and Paypal Here was entirely unhelpful, so I had to go the season as cash only. I won’t actually know how much this hurt sales, but it definitely hurt turning down some big purchases because I was one of the few vendors that didn’t take card!

I’ll definitely be looking into the alternatives for card readers soon! There’s a lot out there.

This year, I kept track of my sales and stock with excel sheets with formulas! It definitely kept things organized and helped me keep track of stock and see where patterns were, if any. It wasn’t perfect, but it helped immensely. I also kept very VERY close track of what my spending was like. 

I’m spoiling it before the end, but I was about $200 from breaking even. Luckily I’m not in a position where this loss impacts significantly, but it still stings! It could have been a result of multiple things, such as the hotel for Kumori being 1/3rd of my expenses ALONE, my choice of products/fandoms, not having ability to take card, and general attendee interest.

Let’s take a brief look at each con!

Bellingham Comicon

Glad to be back!

Bellingham Comicon has once again, been a joy. It’s a small convention but excited attendees pack the place and sales were good. A couple people recognized me from last year and I recognized a couple people too! I didn’t have my button maker yet but perlers seemed to be decently popular. I even made a custom Witch Mercy perler that sold 40 MINUTES INTO THE CONVENTION. It sold so quick that I didn’t even get to take a table picture until after I sold it! (I will say, when I put up that custom Sentai Genji, I upped the price a bit lmao)

I met a lot of amazing artists and got to do a bunch of art trades as well, something I haven’t really done in previous years! I was happy to see a couple familiar faces and meet some new artists too!! BCC is small enough that walking around and chatting to other artists and vendors is on the easier side.

I got a couple weird looks dressed as IT Damien from Dream Daddy, but was glad some people recognized me! I made some first impressions on some very cool artists in that cosplay haHA

While BCC is a comic convention, I didn’t feel out of place. There were lots of attendees that I would consider in my target audience and I didn’t feel like it was taking away from business. BCC is very much a comic and pop culture convention, with fans looking for all sorts of things!

Kumoricon

GOD WHAT AN ADVENTURE

Kumori was my first multi-day convention, and the farthest I’ve travelled for a con! Needless to say, I was anticipating this con since August, but didn’t know AT ALL what to expect.

We ended up driving down on Thursday and setting up that night, which definitely took a lot of the stress away. I also managed to compact my table and merch into a single tote, a print box, a bag to hold the wire cubes, + personal bags for miscellaneous stuff. So that was less stressful too.

Friday came and I was cosplaying Taako (which, as I found out, is 150% more fun to wear than IT Damien oops). The day was on the slower side, and some of my friends came by to say hi and ended up helping out at my table, giving me time to check out the artist alley!

Kumori’s artist alley was HUGE. And even more jarring: so many of the artists I follow on twitter/insta/etc were there. Somehow. Good lord, how many of you live in the PNW that I didn’t know about? I recognized an artist who’s art I love in line while waiting for badges and almost had a heart attack. Over the weekend, I met a lot of artists but it was only a fraction of the entire artist alley. I didn’t even get to meet all the artists I recognized!

So. Profit-wise, the con was kind of a disappointment. Oh boy, here’s a stat: I made about as much at BCC as I did at Kumori. In three days.

Again, this could’ve been a number of things. A lot of artists (many more experienced than me!), general interest, things I chose to sell, etc. But even so, many of the returning artists I talked to said it was slower than last year and some said the con is usually pretty dang slow.

But the con was fantastic in other ways. It gave me valuable big-con experience, some new art friends/mutuals, a fun time at the con and in Portland (good food!), and again, my favorite part, meeting a ton of cool, amazing artists and being able to make some art trades or to buy from them!

I definitely needed rest after this one. My brain was absolutely FRIED by the time we finally got back home and ate a late dinner at Shari’s.

Jet City Comic Show

Not even gonna lie, it was EMPTY most of the weekend!

I ended up having to table by myself, which wasn’t a problem with how lax it was. I even had time to doodle as well as finish a pen drawing! And I live pretty close to the show, so I could just head home once the days ended.

My table neighbor was super cool and I met a bunch of cool artists from all over the artist alley as well! This alley was pretty massive too, so I didn’t get to check out all of them. Being a comic convention, most of the artists were comic-based, with maybe a hand full of anime-styled artist from what I could see.

Many artists had their own published comics, and I enjoyed listening to their pitches (and took some comics home too!!).

My row didn’t seem to get a lot of foot traffic, but neither did the majority of the artist alley. And Sunday was even slower! Talking to other vendors, I found out Jet City is usually slow, but this year was slower than the last.

All in all, it was a nice quiet weekend and I was happy to meet more amazing artists at this con, as well as happy to get home and REST!

Overall...

This season was rewarding. Not in the money way, unfortunately. I’m lucky to be a position where it doesn’t affect me in a major way. But I’m always so excited to go to cons, and just being around fellow fans and creative minds is rewarding in it’s own way. I’ve also learned what to do and what not to do for future conventions should I continue to do them!

the real profit was the artists we met along the way

[artificialqueens]

Until the Flavor’s Gone (1/?)

A/N – Hello! I am new to this fandom and pairing. I honestly didn’t have any intentions of writing anything, if I’m going to be completely honest but! I got these ideas in my head and thought I may as well try to share them with the world. And then I erased all of them, started over, and came up with this. I hope you guys don’t mind an alternate meeting Biadore AU that plays fast and loose with continuity, characterizations, and queen relationships. Sorry this isn’t particularly inspired. Title based off of Chewing Gum by Nina Nesbit, if you’re interested in what I’ve been listening to on repeat lately.

“New York, here we are!”

Danny sighed out an exasperated ‘finally’ as he hit the double bed with a soft thud and buried his face in the 3 star quality hotel pillow. It had been a longer day than had anticipated and he was utterly beat. But, one missed connecting flight and three hours worth playing red tape leap frog with the airline and yes, they were in fact in New York City. Finally.

Jay buzzed around the hotel like a five year old hopped up on gummy bears and Red Bull, dramatically throwing open the curtains with an excited grin. “Hey! The view actually isn’t that bad. Come look!”

“No.”

“Suit yourself… hey!” He trotted to Danny’s bedside and grabbed him by his foot. “Don’t tell me you’re going to sleep! We just got here!”

“It’s late and I’m exhausted.”

“It’s not even midnight and I’m BORED! I feel like we’ve been sitting still forever. Why didn’t you sleep on the plane?”

Danny didn’t get the chance to answer before he was forcibly dragged from his bed. With a groan and a loud protest he stopped himself just before he hit the ground. “Fine! Jesus. God, we need to get you some weed before you fucking spin out of orbit. Fuck.”

“What day is it?”

“Uh… Thursday but only for like… twenty more minutes.”

“Perfect! I know what we can do! Get dressed!”

“How the fuck do you know what to do on a late Thursday night in a city you’ve never been to?”

“I’ve got connections. Now shut up and get dressed! We can’t waste time!”

–-

Jay’s sudden time inspired epiphany led them to a club. Because of course it did. Small bar with high tables lining a crowded dance floor that surrounded a very small stage. It looked incredibly unremarkable.

“Okay. So we’re here,” Danny quipped. “Why are we here?”

“I told Justin – you know, Alyssa –” Jay ignored Danny’s indignant ‘Christ, of course I fucking know’ with a flick of his wrist, “That if we could, that we’d catch this queen she know’s show. It’s almost 12:30 in the morning on a Friday. So we’re here.”

“So you’ve brought me to a drag show with your sing-song cryptic bullshit. Got it.”

“You wouldn’t agree otherwise!”

Danny just scoffed and rolled his eyes before grabbing the drink he ordered. Honestly, he wouldn’t have minded. He actually didn’t mind. The thing was, he could think of at least four other things he’d rather be doing than hanging around in another club with Jay like they always did, waiting around for another drag queen to lip sync and dance to another rendition of ‘Like a Prayer’. But he was here, and he had a drink now, so he might as well just make the best of it. If this queen was recommended by Alyssa, it should at least be tolerable. Entertaining, even.

They worked their way through the crowd, near the front, and Danny finally got a good look around. It was packed. Not packed as in a lot of people just idling about – but actually packed, near shoulder to shoulder. It took all of his crafty ‘beeline through the crowd’ tricks he’d learned while navigating high school to make it to the edge of the stage with Jay close behind him.

They waited out the low rumble of the people around them, sipping on their drinks before someone tapped Danny on his shoulder.

“You look new here. You been here before?” He barely had a chance to answer before the stranger just laughed, “Deer in headlights look says ‘no’. Brave kid trying to stand in the front row. Good luck!”

Danny didn’t get a chance to ask him what he meant before the crowd erupted in drunken applause and cheers and jeers as a – and Danny didn’t use this term lightly – presence burst onto the stage.

“Good evening, New York! How the fuck are you?”

He squinted a bit at this petite queen with a lot of lashes and a red carpet ready dress stride across the stage with a wide grin and enough confidence to make that rickety glorified platform look like a gilded stage suited for the grandest theater.

For a moment, he was stunned.

“Are you all ready for me to be a nasty, hateful cunt tonight?”

The crowd responded with another cheer and Danny shot a look at Jay behind him. This definitely wasn’t going to be another Madonna lip synch, that was for certain. Danny wasn’t sure he was sharp enough for the already barbed wit spouting from those painted lips right now.

“This was a really bad idea.”

Danny didn’t check the volume of his voice as well as he’d thought, because the next thing he knew those dagger sharp eyes had skewered him in place and he froze. Fuck. Two steps and she’d already crossed the short distance of the stage, leaning down slightly with her head cocked to the side. Danny felt panic. He blamed it on the lack of sleep. That had to be it. Danny Noriega did not panic at being singled out by foul mouthed insult comics wearing dresses. It just didn’t happen. Not that he had a lot of experience with that kind of thing up until this very minute, but he’s pretty sure that in the same kind of hypothetical situation, he’d have a better reaction.

“You realize this isn’t television and I can hear you, right?” Danny swallowed the lump that suddenly swelled into his throat before taking a quick swig of his drink and offering no answer. “You know… you do look pretty miserable. Why don’t you join me up here?” The brash loud voice had softened to something higher pitched and honey sweet that was in no way meant to be trusted. Regardless, Danny passed his drink off to Jay wordlessly and followed the queen’s directions to the stairs. “Careful, these stairs are shit. We need to find a dyke to rebuild the fucking thing.” Danny tripped despite the warning, “See?” There was another grin and a low chuckle as a hand settled on Danny’s shoulder. “God, you look like shit. What’s your name?”

“Danny?”

“Is that a question?” Another blinding grin and Danny could swear he could see the sparks in her eyes, “If you can’t answer your own name, then we’re already off to a bad start. Let me rephrase and ask a bit slower… is your name Danny?” He nodded. “Great! Now we’re back on track. And where are you from, Danny?”

“California… I actually just–”

His explanation was cut short as the queen eyed his clothes, “Did you fucking crawl here?” There was a vague hand gesture to the torn jeans, “It’s definitely a look… did you buy those like that or were they worn down eventually?” A short beat of a pause and then, “You know what? I don’t actually want to know. Let’s move on. And what do you do in California, Danny? Aside from suck dick.”

Danny didn’t even have a chance to fully register the jab before huffing out a quick laugh. He felt like he should be quicker. He could take this queen. He thought. Maybe? It took too much effort to try. Instead, he just lamely answered, “Music. I’m a singer.”

“In other words you’re broke and living with your parents. What brings you to New York?” Danny shrugged, shaking his head as he tried to search for words. He wasn’t quick enough (again). “Fascinating. Okay. You were brave enough to get up here and make me look prettier by comparison. How about a shot?”

Someone shouted ‘Going soft, Bianca?’ from the crowd causing the queen to twist her lips into a scowl before smirking. Danny swore he saw a spark fly from her tongue as she shot back just as fast, “Now I am from seeing you.”

That got a genuine laugh from Danny and he wiped his eyes, which were overly inclined to water from his sleep deprivation. Bianca, a name to go with this face, shot him a proud look before squeezing his shoulder. “What do you say about that shot?”

“Sure?” Danny shrugged, his hands fidgeting as Bianca eyed him with another calculating smirk.

“Good enough,” She called over one of the staff and made the order before looking back to him with a hand on her hip. “Now tell me, Danny. This your first time in New York?”

“Yeah, actually…”

“And what have you done so far? See any sights?”

“Um. Nothing, actually. This was our first stop.”

Bianca’s eyebrows shot higher towards her hairline before she cocked her head to the side. “So you’re telling me that you flew in from California and your first stop is here… that’s a new one.”

“We know a queen who recommended your show… Alyssa Edwards?”

“OH! Oh that… oh wow. Okay,” she was cackling now, shaking her head. “You’re here because you know Alyssa…” she clenched her teeth and summoned security from the side of her mouth before waving the comment off, “Kidding. I’m just kidding. That’s hilarious. And thank you God, here’s our shots!” Bianca reached out and took the first shot, handing it off to Danny before taking up her own. “Danny, I’d like to officially welcome you to New York. I have to say you got off easy, which I’d venture is a common problem but this time it worked out in your favor. Now,” she lifted her glass, “Count of three?” She waited for Danny to lift his own, signalling he was ready, “Perfect. 1… 2… 3.”

The alcohol burned going down and Danny couldn’t help but make a bit of a face. He passed his glass off to Bianca who in turn passed them off to the loitering staff worker. “Let’s hear it for Danny!” He was then gently ushered back to the steps and just as he started to step off the stage, Bianca leaned in away from her mic and whispered.

“Talk to me after the show if you can make it to the end.”

It didn’t sound at all suggestive or flirtatious – just sincere – and that got Danny curious, which made the rest of his exhaustion melt away.

–————————

They managed to stay for the rest of Bianca’s set. It made Jay grimace a bit at times, but Danny found it to be hysterical once he got over his foul mood. As two in the morning started to roll in, Bianca bid the thinning crowd adieu before the lights went back up. Just before leaving the stage, she caught Danny and Jay’s attention, signalling to them where to meet her backstage. Danny couldn’t help but notice a few stragglers trying to get a bit more than just her attention.

“Please. I only give to charity once a year and this year isn’t your year. Back up. Don’t touch me. Thank you.” With a huff and a warning glare, Bianca breezed past the two tourists and waved to them, “Follow, you two assholes. Not you,” she pointed to another pair with a scowl before hurrying to the back where there was a small dressing room. She was stopped by a younger de-dragged queen just leaving.

“Another great show, Miss Bianca! Thank you, by the way for that list of movies… I’m almost done with it!”

“Anything to educate the masses. Have a good night,” She sat down at her make-up station and kicked off her shoes before swivelling back to face her two guests. “Okay. So which one of you is another one of Alyssa’s children? She pops you all out so fast that I can’t keep track.”

Jay raised his hand a little timidly. Danny shot him a surprised look a mouthed, ‘this isn’t school’ before reaching over and gently guiding Jay’s hand back down to his side. Jay cleared his throat before answering, “I work for her dance studio… she’s kind of become my mentor and I’ve been wanting to get into drag…”

“So you don’t have anything prepared yet.”

“No ma’am…”

“Ma’am?” Bianca laughed and shook her head as she placed his fingers to her chin, “Please. I’m a man in a fucking wig, not a ma’am. It’s not that serious,” Another sigh, “And that’s fine, wish you luck all the same. Now you,” she pointed to Danny and tilted her chin a few degrees higher. “How long are you in town?”

“Um… until next Saturday… why?”

“Because there’s an open mic night on Monday and I can get you on the list if you’ve got something you can sing.”

Danny blinked a few times to process the offer before he shrugged, “Um… sure!” There was a long pause as Bianca only nodded and started to busy herself with clearing up her station. “But why would you do that?”

“Because Alyssa didn’t just send you here for my benefit and I figure I may as well take the hint and humor the loony bitch,” she paused in what she was doing to write down the details on one of the random business cards that were scattered throughout. “Here. Make sure you’re here by that time and I’ve got the rest. Exit’s the way you came. If those guys are still out there, tell them I left. Or died.”

“Do you always pull in hotties like that?” Jay asked curiously with a bite to his lip as he looked towards the door.

“Never. But it’s late in the week and they’re getting desperate. Enjoy New York.”

[kaotikreviews]

WEBTOONs Time

Since I’ve found the platform, I’ve been nothing but OBSESSED. I’ve read a lot of different webtoons by now, and caught up with several. The highlight of each day has become 9pm when the newest batch of webtoons come out. 👌🏼

Today, I read the new episodes for my subscribed comics. Here are my thoughts (WARNING - may contain spoilers):

At Arms Length, by Zushi - Chapter 9.2, Trapped: I recently found this series and binged all the previous episodes, so the story still feels fresh in my memory. This comic is unique because it tells you up front the two characters that end up together and let’s you know they are healthy and happy later on. The author uses a pretty slow story progression towards that end and focuses on emotions and mental health in each episode. Since the comic is more about processing thoughts and feelings, the pace of real world events is much slower. Even so, the epis feel a bit too short (but the art is amazing, so I get it). Full disclosure, it looks like this series can get a bit raunchy at times. 👀 I was a bit torn about this comic because of my own morals and world views (I really want to say the main characters need Jesus AND all the healthy things they are doing👌🏼), but a lot of the episodes about depression really resonated with me since that’s something I’ve struggled with for literally my whole life. Long story short, I’m hooked, so 💁🏻‍♀️. Today’s epi is more of the female lead’s back story and her previous relationship. I guess it was good. I’ve literally never been in a romantic relationship, so can’t relate to the situation directly, but it’s just one of the many reasons why I wanna be forever alone. 😳 I think I always refresh like a lunatic hoping for one more episode at the end, but today’s episode did feel pretty short. Then again, every time I catch up on a webtoon, the episodes that come out after that always feel short anyway. 😂

WEBTOON GREENLiGHT - Escape from Oz: tbh, I’m not the biggest fan of the art style and the surreal take on the storyline threw me for a loop at first, but also, super hooked ngl. 😏 I love a good sci-fi. I mean, we are in the world of fantasy and fiction and break real world rules CONSTANTLY, so why not just lean in and go crazy with it? 😌 I bet you guessed, but 3rd epi definitely got a fancy 🤍 from me and now I’m hoping for it to get green lit so I can find out what happens next! 👀

My Magical Maid - Ep 9: another recent find, it only took me a couple minutes to catch up and be wanting more. 🤩 As mentioned before, fiction/sci-fi is my jam. I can get weird about witchy story lines if they wanna be really like creepy and demonic and offensive to my beliefs and world views, but if it’s balanced enough, its nbd to me. I like the series because I like stories with people with powers. How fun would it be to have super powers? It’s fun to imagine, so I love seeing other people’s takes on a day in the life of a super. Our super (a witch in this particular story world), is a maid/personal secretary type person/doctor/friend of the ruler of the land. The relationships and interactions feel very modern, but the setting is like, fairy tale times. Like, our girl is supposed to be a maid, but she’s on peer terms with the king and can speak her mind openly. It’s different, so I like it. Very interesting dynamics, I can’t wait to find out more about their back stories. Today, they closed up a story arch that threatened our otp but now.. does that make our main dude an even badder guy? lol 🧐 I mean, second lead just made main dude look kinda awful in comparison. And I never get second lead syndrome, so this is a bit of a strange perspective for me. (I don’t get second lead syndrome because the otp has a pull to it. Good relationships take time, but also chemistry.) I’m not opposed to a bad boy redemption story, so super excited to see this all play out and glad the triangle is going away. 😅 I have no idea what this gif is from, but it looks cool so ~

Lost in Translation - Ep 18: I mean, is every comic coming out this year gonna be bout stalkers?! 👀 Today’s epi was wyld (haha, pun). After reading the beginning of #killstagram and starting up It’s Mine, this plot twist is starting to feel super familiar. There’s been a stalker story arch in several other comics in my deck as well. Can’t say I’m a big fan, tbh. I hate the fact that things like that really happen, and the fact that it could happen to me or someone I care about. I’m terrible for this, but I prefer not to think about the grittier and scarier side of humanity too much. Of course, I said “too much”. A little here and there isn’t so bad, and so overall, I’m still pretty hooked on this comic. Hopefully things start to improve for our MC soon, and I’m so glad he’s getting some support from his friend.

I Love Yoo - Ep 127: bout time we got back to the sister arch! 😂 I binged this to catch up a while ago now, and so the story is starting to fade a bit. It still blows my mind how far we’ve come in the story and yet how little progress we’ve made. I mean, the family dynamic hasn’t been sorted yet, and I’m missing the friend dude, the one with red hair (I think?) yeah, it’s been so long I am forgetting his name already! 😅 I normally am super against any form of “stealing” people in relationships, but when the relationships are super toxic and bad, I sometimes find myself shipping the better relationship. (Jim and Pam from the office for example.) Truth be told, the main girl and the red head are my favorite ship, and I hope it’s the otp. All the other dudes in her life just don’t compare to the tension, chemistry, and mutual respect those two have. They bring out the best in each other and redhead really needs some help just like our MC did in the beginning. I hope she reaches out to him more (and that he ends that shell of a ship he is currently in.)

Choco Latte - Ep 38: another recent find. It’s a silent comic, which is kinda brilliant. Sometimes I read ahead on my favorite comics on Naver in the original language, but since I only really know English, it’s a very similar experience to this comic. You rely more on the expressions and context to understand the situations and how the story is progressing. I like it. I also liked how wholesome all the characters are. There isn’t a lot of nastiness between people so far and I hope that continues. It’s refreshing given the world we live in and most of the comic I read, tbh. Recent epis (including today’s) have me a bit worried tho. I hope they ain’t breaking main ship 😬 or creating a rift that would destroy the innocence and optimistic world view of our MCs. I’m a pretty gritty, glass half empty type of person a lot of times, and I call it being a realist. Fact is, life is often cruel. But in story world, it doesn’t have to be. I hope the author preserves the sweetness of this comic, but even if not, I’m down for the ride. (Unless they break up the otp, then I may quit for real.)

Not Even Bones - so I haven’t been reading this on webtoons for a while. I found out there was a book, and when it hit a cliffhanger, I scoured the internet until I found it online for free. I finished the book in a very short period of time and then the sequel. There’s still another one out that I want to read, but I needed a break. Not sure where the webtoons version is at, but I mean, this story gets DARK. Wondering how I reconcile this with all my aforementioned morals? I don’t. I believe all humans are kinda terrible, which is why I believe we need saving from ourselves and each other. I don’t believe all the stories with hopeful endings and super hero’s and saviors are just from our wishful thinking, I believe that a part of our souls is wired to respond and reach for our creator, who is actively speaking and reaching for us. Since we’ve been effectively “kidnapped” and trapped in a broken world system, it’s like we are birds that were born in cages. It’s in our nature to do certain things that just don’t make sense for our current environment but makes total sense for the environment we were created for. I believe it’s in our nature to search for something that’s missing and to fill that void with whatever and whoever we can find - many people think it’s just the way things are and don’t think about why, or they become contented with the void inside. No matter what we try to use to fill that emptiness inside, it’s never enough. Well, not until we connect to our creator and escape from “captivity”. I’ve been a Christ follower my whole life and even so, it ain’t easy. I have mad depression and I’m not necessarily a “good” person. But I’d probably be dead if I didn’t have Jesus in my life, and that’s after doing all the self help I could. No matter what I did, it wasn’t enough until I experienced hope and love for the first time in a spiritual experience. 👌🏼 I mean, if humans are terrible, and we all are constantly trying to self destruct, who can truly help us but God? People can’t be the cure for other people, and as much as self help stuff, well, helps - it isn’t a cure either. Self help can be like relying on a flaky and unstable individual to save your life - eek! 😂

For the record, my goal isn’t to stuff my beliefs down people’s throats, just sharing my thoughts. If you find it offensive, then please skip on by or think of it as a nice story (but for me, it’s as real as breathing, so I can’t help but talk about it. 👌🏼)

Anyone else reading these comics? What are your thoughts? Are there other comics that you recommend? Are there any that you fast passed on? I was super tempted to fast pass a few, but I hate having to wait longer for a new update. 😂

Today’s top song (thanks for sending it to me, sis! 💯):

[scottrunsultras]

Javelina Jundred Recap - my first belt buckle

For now I’m just going to paste in the recap that I sent to my coaches.  So there’s some extra emphasis on what I did wrong - especially similar nutrition issues that I had in Leadville.  Luckily I learned some things and was able to handle it a little better this time.

I’ll probably add some more commentary over the next few days.  I also have some pictures and videos that I’ll try to do something with.  But for now, here’s the summary:

I'll just give you the full recap.  There's probably something in there that I didn't think was a big deal but that you have some concerns or thoughts about.

I guess I'll start with the week leading up.  I told you guys that I felt really good at the beginning of the week - that running felt easy, etc.  That wasn't really the case on race day, despite being 4000 feet lower than Boulder.  I didn't sleep much before the race - just a few restless 30-60 minute chunks throughout the night.  But that's pretty normal.  I slept a ton Thursday night at the hotel in Tucson (9 hours).  That's probably the best I've ever done pre-sleeping for a race.  But I didn't feel super great on Friday.  I had a sore throat all day and felt kind of weak.  I kept telling myself that it was just the dry air.  But I may have caught something minor.  It definitely seemed that way in the first loop of the race.

Since the first half of this story will talk a lot about eating and nutrition: my breakfast was some granola cereal and a banana.  I planned to start eating every 30 minutes once the race started, so I didn't eat too much before. A bit of a slow start to the race.  It was basically a conga line for the first few miles.  I tried to embrace being forced to start easy.  Since I was going so slowly and I was at such low altitude, I ran the uphills.  But I confirmed that I just wasn't running very strong on the downhill coming out of Jackass Junction.  That was by far the easiest section of the course and I was still running it in the 9:00's.  A minute per mile slower than I would expect obviously isn't a huge deal in the big scheme of things, but it's a very clear indicator to me that I didn't really have my A game.  I was running the early downhills in Leadville comfortably in the 7:00's.

It started getting hot in a hurry.  I maybe had a comfortable first hour, an okay second hour, and by the 3rd hour it was getting uncomfortable.  I kept eating about 130 calories every 30 minutes and filling my water pack with ice at every aid station.  I also drank some gatorade at every aid station.  I wrapped up the 22 mile first loop a little under 4 hours and spent probably 15 minutes or so at basecamp with my crew getting re-taped and making sure I had everything I needed.  It was super hot at this point and I was already feeling like I was overheating.  And I was already feeling nauseous. The wheels started coming off as soon as I started the second loop.   This section was not difficult at all and I had already faded into the 12:00's on my pace.  And I was already hiking the mild, super smooth uphills back into Jackass Junction.  At this point I was struggling to eat much of anything and was getting nearly all of my calories from gatorade.  I had a handheld with me that I was filling up at the aid stations, but the ice was diluting it so much that there just weren't a lot of calories in there.  I was also getting massively dehydrated by this point.

One of the lessons that I learned at Leadville was that there's only so much I can force my body to do at one time.  So I figured that the number 1 priority was forward progress - even if slow.  Number 2 was trying to keep liquids down.  By this time I was too dehydrated to even sweat and any liquid that wasn't ice-cold made me gag.  But I did everything I could to keep drinking gatorade when I had it and sip water when I didn't.  Pretty far down on the list of priorities was eating.  Dense, sweet food was over at this point.  I had a tiny bit of success with salty snacks (pretzels, cheetos).  I could stomach maybe 1 peanut butter pretzel nugget or 2-3 cheetos every 15-30 minutes.  A sad lack of calories, but they were at least something and they had some salt in them.

I made a pretty comical error (i can laugh about it now at least) at about the 50k mark.  At this point I'd been sick for long enough that I figured it was worth trying the anti-nausea meds that my ortho gave me.  I was going super slow and I figured that if I could only feel a little better then I could at least start slow-jogging again.  So I took a Zofran tablet and tried to dissolve it on my tongue - which took forever because my body couldn't muster up any saliva.  Apparently Zofran works by blocking seratonin.  The same seratonin that regulates mood.  Long story short, it didn't help my nausea at all.  But it almost instantly increased my level of completely hopelessness about 10 fold.  I texted my wife that I felt hopeless and that I wasn't sure if I could or should keep going.

The hike down to Coyote Camp was some of the worst I've ever felt in a race.  I wasn't puking, but I felt psychologically worse than when I was puking and dragging myself up Hope Pass at Leadville.  I sat at the aid station for about 25 minutes, just staring at the dirt.  I drank a lot of water as soon as I got there, then tried to slowly get something salty into my stomach.  I ended up keeping down some pretzels and pickle juice in addition to a fair bit of water.  And sitting in the shade helped me cool down a little.  I felt my most sick at this point, but I was only 4 miles from headquarters so once I pulled myself back together a little, I got back going. Another thing that I learned at Leadville was the value of giving my body time to process what I was giving it.  So I was super careful at times when I was sick to walk to give my body time to digest food or absorb liquids.  At my worst, I'd walk for 1-1.5 miles after every aid station to make sure that whatever I just ate would stay down.  So while it was extra slow, it kept me from throwing up.

Mile 38 was my long aid station break.  At around 39 I started feeling a little better.  And I decided at this point that if I actually did have an illness, I could maybe help myself run through it better if I took advil.  The Zofran wore off and I finally started feeling energetic at mile 41, which was the first mile in probably 5 hours that I ran in its entirety.  I ran the basecamp loop in the 7:00's knowing that I could sit with my crew afterwards and try to get it back together.

I don't remember eating much during this break between loops.  But my wife got me an Italian Ice, which was awesome.  And I reloaded on the good gatorade (the blue stuff, the lemon flavored stuff at the aid stations wasn't doing it for me).  Loop 2 took me more than 6 hours.  It was absolute misery from start to finish and it was pretty hard to get excited when I still had 3 loops left.  But the good news was that I only had 2 hours of sunlight left.  So if I was finally going to start feeling better, it was going to be soon.  I also decided to ditch my trail shoes and try my road shoes for the next loop.  I felt like the added cushioning was more valuable than the added traction and rock plate.  There's only 2 miles of meaningful rocks per loop.  I'm glad I did it.

I had a couple stretches of easy running heading back to Coyote Camp.  This time I spent less than 5 minutes at the aid station.  And by the time I got to the top of the 2 mile rocky section immediately after coyote, the sun was setting.  My stomach still wasn't feeling great at this point, but it was good enough to consistently nibble on salty snacks.  And I was able to start easy running the easier sections of trail.  I hit the desert disco party (jackass junction) at mile 52 with the sun fully down.  I still wasn't totally sure what to do about eating because I'd been sick for so long, so I kept it pretty conservative.  

After grabbing some colder weather layers and making a quick stop at the photo booth, I headed back out to the easiest section of the course, and was actually somewhat able to take advantage of it.  I wasn't running fast at all, but I was able to string together some consistency.  I put together a handful of 12:00-13:00 minute miles coming back into headquarters.  Elli brought me pizza at headquarters.  I was a little hesitant at first since I'd spent most of the day trying to keep myself from puking.  And because I ate pizza at the half way point of Leadville and we saw how that worked out.  But holy crap was it good.  And after 12 hours of feeling sick, I felt like I was finally able to eat normally again.

I made a pretty strange push back up the hill to start loop 4.  Again, i t wasn't fast.  I was leaned over and shambling 13:00-14:00 minute miles, but it was better than hiking and I was at mile 67 before the pizza rush wore off and gave way to more nausea.  I think I made a mistake by not continuing to eat regularly while I was feeling good.  So I ended up having to hike the last 3 mile climb back into jackass junction.  But with that lesson learned, I settled onto a routine of eating a little bit every mile.  Pretzels, cheetos, or sun chips.  Just a few bites every mile and hopefully something more interesting at every aid station.  I kept that routine until the end of the race. I got into headquarters a little after 3:00 am feeling pretty tired but mostly okay.  My wife joined me as my pacer for the last loop.  She doesn't run or do much of anything intentionally athletic or fitness related.  But she's on her feet all day at work, so she was confident that she could hike me in.  I was super dreading the sun coming back up.  But at this point there was no way that we could finish in the dark.  So the goal was to finish before 9:00 am. I followed the eating routine (a little bit every hour and whatever looked good at aid stations) and tried to run anything that looked easy - which wasn't much at this point - I was tired.  I started getting really weary around mile 85 - just tired of being out there and doing this same loop.  They had the best pancakes ever for breakfast at jackass junction (mile 91) so I had about 4 of those.  And with that final food boost, we tried to actually make decent time on the easy 5 mile downhill into Rattlesnake Ranch.  

We tried to consistently walk a quarter mile and run the rest.  It started a little slow, but we had a couple of miles in there with a pace in the 10:00's during the running section.  That 5 miles was pretty damned good for being in the mid 90's, but it took pretty much all of the energy I had left.  And my non-runner pacer was starting to struggle, too.  So for the last 3.5 or so to the finish we just did whatever we could to run anything.  Even .1 at a time.  And after 26.5 hours, I was done.  And I had this super strange feeling of not knowing what to do anymore when I didn't have to keep moving.  But yeah, it was over and we made it in well before 9:00 am.

Not mentioned above, I ate some salt tablets at various points as well and stuck to a fairly disciplined timer with caffeine and advil.  The advil actually did make me feel a little stronger.  It sucks to come down with something the day before the hardest thing I've ever done.  But it obviously could have been much worse than a mild cold.  I also took tylenol at about mile 80 when I blister popped on one of my toes.  I was worried that it was going to make the last 20 miles miserable, but after a couple of miles it went numb and I forgot about it.

I didn't have any meaningful pain in my ankle or heels.  No connective tissue pain at all really after some weird, temporary knee pain around mile 20.  just muscles and soft tissue.  So I can't really complain at all about that. After finally sleeping, I'm starting to dissect a little to figure out how this could have somehow been sub 24:00.  I obviously still have a lot to figure out about nutrition.  Eating salty snacks ended up working pretty well for the second half of the race.  I also had a bag of toffee cashews that I mixed in every once in a while.  But we're probably talking 1000 total calories of snack food + gatorade that kept me going for the better part of 75 miles of the race.  After 3 clif bars in the first 4 hours, I think I ate 4 or 5 gu's total and didn't touch any of the other food I brought except for the snack food and aid station food.  

According to Strava, I spent more than 3 hours not moving.  That doesn't seem completely accurate, but I did probably spend close to 2 hours at aid stations/headquarters.  I'm okay with that, because if I hadn't done that - especially during the hot part of the day - and I started throwing up, I'm not sure if I would have finished.

I could stand to gain a lot more raw leg strength.  I think more leg strength would have automatically just meant running 1-2 minutes faster per easy mile.  I had no idea what to expect of miles 60-100.  It seems totally insane when your training long run is 26 miles.  And I had a major physical drop-off after 20 or so when I transitioned from what my body was used to into what it wasn't used to.  But "running" in the second half of the race (once it cooled down and I felt better) was still totally possible and not all that hard if the terrain cooperated.  With stronger legs and more experience, those 12:00's could probably have been 10:00's.

The more I think about it, the more I feel like I need to train myself to better handle difficult circumstances and climate.  The heat of Javelina and the elevation of Leadville shouldn't be causing me to fold like this.  The winner lives in Savannah and probably thought a dry 90 degrees was a cake-walk.  I never had a problem eating in races when I lived in South Carolina and did all of my training runs in 80-90 degree weather with 100% humidity.  Something I'll have to think about for the next time I'm ultra training. Despite any second guessing, I'm really happy about this.  Fighting through the added difficulty makes it feel more like redemption from crumbling in Leadville.  If it wasn't a struggle it probably wouldn't mean as much.  Thanks again for the coaching over the last 5 months.  Hopefully if I ever do another 100 I can focus on things like heat acclimation and fat adaptation instead of just making it through without debilitating pain.  I'm glad I have the experience now to know what it's like late in a long race.  This is going to make any race 100k or shorter seem a lot easier from now on.  Time for a few months off.