#i was overwhelmed by finals but now I've been over two weeks off of school so you get a treat!!

[noxious-fennec]

Snapshots of simpler times..

[letsgetrowdy43]

a part two to the luke angst?

His biggest regret ❧

Part one

Luke had been beside himself for the last two weeks of the summer, just as she promised Y/n had left the morning after their fight, leaving him alone with his thoughts. He broke it off with his girlfriend the second his best friend left the lake house, knowing that if he intended to fix his wrongs the now ex-girlfriend was not a part of the solution.

Quinn had heavily scolded his youngest brother for days following the departure of Y/no. “You’re an idiot!” "it's not my fault she and my girlfriend don't get along!" “It’s not even about your girlfriend, it’s the fact that you felt the need to dictate her decisions when you basically removed her from your life!” Quinn was at a loss, what wasn't Luke understanding how wrong he is, “You didn’t even invite her to the lake, you’ve been best friends since you were babies!”

Let’s just say Quinn definitely made Luke feel like shit, what was worse was when Ellen, Jack, and even Jim put their two cents in.

Things only got worse for Luke during the school year, sophomore year was expected to be his last season as a Wolverine, and then he’d be headed to New Jersey with Jack, as stated in his plan. But now he was going to be spending this year attempting to make it up to the girl who’d been at his side for years and years.

“Y/n this is Luca,” Ethan introduced them as she smiled shyly. Luke didn’t like that at all, his new teammate practically eye fucking her at parties as she stared at him innocently (let’s be real, she’s only into it cause she knew it would piss off Luke)

Luca had become her target, and he was just as into their little game as she was into pissing off Luke.

They went on study dates and left parties together, it was a no strings attached ordeal that they were both thoroughly enjoying.

Luke watched silently and was extremely annoyed. Biting his tongue not to say anything at practices, or to call her to tell her that he needs it to stop. He wasn’t in charge of her, he knew that now, but it took a lot in him to stay quiet when he watched Luca and her flirting in public, or even just conversing in between classes.

It took a long time to realize but over the course of the four months that they weren’t talking he'd come to the conclusion that maybe he’d been way over his head. The conscious thought that he was in love with her was so overwhelming all of the time, so Luke grew even more antisocial as time went on.

Y/n's world paused the moment Luke ran into the bathroom and slammed the door shut, the boy's chest heaving as he locked the door and hid from some girl who had been chasing after him all night. His heart stopped the moment he turned around to see a wide-eyed Y/n splashing some water in her face.

“Sorry” he apologized as his heart beat against his chest, she continued to stare at him, unable to speak, “I’ll leave” “Don’t go, you’re obviously hiding for a reason,” she finally spoke as she dabbed her face off with a face cloth she found in one of the drawers. “Are you okay?” He asked as he reached forward to feel the blotchy red skin on her cheeks. "I drank too much, don't have you to mediate my liquor intake anymore," she grinned as her hand wrapped around his wrist to lower his hand.

Luke smiled as he maneuvered his hand to hold hers, "am I allowed to speak to you now? I have some things I need to say to you" he mumbled as she nodded and sat down on the edge of the tub.

This was his moment to make it right, no excuses, no bullshit to cover up his mistakes, just an apology and some promises to make it better.

"I've been practicing this speech to you for a while, and I'm just gonna start with a sorry, cause that's all that I really want you to take away from it," her eyes started to tear up as she listened, "I was wrong, you have every right to still be mad cause I put you through a lot last year, and that wasn't fair to you, so I'm sorry, and I'm willing to do everything I can so it can go back to the way it was before."

Y/n nodded as her hand dried to tears that had fallen, he could've apologized months ago and she would've accepted it. His words felt very real, she knew they were, she'd heard from all of the guys how lost he was without her guidance in his life, it was just really nice to finally hear it from his mouth.

"Thank you," she stood up to hug you, "I don't think it can go back to the way it was before though." His smiling expression fell as he unburied his face from her neck, "What?" "In our time apart Luke I realized a lot, in the way that I don't think I can keep loving you in the way I'm used to, I need some time to get over you, cause its not fair to you," she said honestly, drunken word vomit as she watched the relief spread on Luke's face, her expression growing confused.

"What if I don't want you to stop loving me that way?" "that's not fair to me then," she said defensively, not understanding what he was insinuating. Her hands left their spot on his chest as she pulled away, he reached down and pulled her hips closer to him, "let me speak," he laughed as her face softened at the sound, "I love you, I'm so dumb for not realizing it sooner, I think I always have though, I just didn't know how to differentiate the two types, but that's because they are the same to me," his face grew flush as he realized just how lovingly she was staring at him.

"You are my best friend, always will be, but you're my best friend in the way that I don't think I'd last another day without you in my life, and in the way that I want to kiss you pretty and then go to sleep with you in my clothes, and the way that my family views you as one of us, there are so many things that make you my best friend, but in the same way that I want you to be a forever type of thing."

Y/n stared at him in shock as he took a deep breath, her hands finding the side of his face as she smirked at him, "I'm glad we're on the same page," she whispered before her hand found the collar of his shirt and slammed his lips onto hers.

-

-

-

[ax-y10]

Step Aside

In which- Wilburs excited to see the Front Bottoms play, but you aren't so thrilled to be crowded in.

A/n: I'm pretty sure I recall the front bottoms playing at shaky knees and I got a real quick idea.

Chapter info: slight panic attack, crowded place, swearing, unnoticed anxiety (brief)

Pronouns: None (You/Yours)

Masterlist:

---

Wilbur didn't notice your increasing nervousness of being in a crowded area, to excited to see the Front Bottoms playing live, jumping around with his bandmates. You were previously squished up against his side, but now you had your phone out ready to text him telling him you were going to the bathroom.

He didn't realise you were starting to walk off until Joe tapped on his shoulder and pointed towards your distancing figure.

"Will? Bud? Y/n is over there. Go see what's happening for us, yeah?" Joe pointed out.

He looked over and saw you turning a corner, and that's when he started to rush towards you.

"Excuse me, sorry. Please move-" he trailed off, finally reaching your form, stopped when you heard his all-too-familiar short breaths, noted from when he gets scared of worried.

"Darling?" He whispered loud enough to not scare you, but also to not alert other people attending the festival.

You held out your arms on either side so he could wrap his arms around you, and that he did. He held you tight but not too tight, and kissed the back of your head to calm you, feeling your rushing breaths.

"Sweet? Match my breathing for me, please?" He spoke frantically, your breathing becoming more sparse and stuttered.

In, one. Hold, two. Out, three. Hold, four.

Ultimately calming down, you twist in his loose hold and bury your face in his neck, your slow tears falling down his shoulder.

You've never been good with crowded spaces your entire life. People think it's irrational: "How stupid? How are you going to do normal things?" One person stated. "Fucking pussy. Get over yourself," A kid in your school stated. The bullying got worse as you kept speaking about it to your close friends, your so-called trustworthy friends shared the secret. Your family also didn't help. They put you in Summer camps, made you do the shopping each week, made you do many activities that required you to be social, supposedly trying to cure your fear. You somewhat got over your fear, but this festival just broke down that barrier.

You broke away from the hug and went to sit down against a border near the edge of the festival, a few people scattered around but not too many to overwhelm you, him following you like a lost puppy to sit with you.

"Wil, you can go back over to the band. I don't mind. I'll stay here." Bu the denied everything.

"I've let them know I'm over here so I'll stay with you just to make sure you're okay."

You smiled and looked over to Wilbur to watch him jump along and sing along. He doesn't like festivals that much, much like you, but you loved how he was enjoying it so much, and it made you fall harder with each song that passed.

Your favourite song started playing but it didn't register in your head as you were too busy looking at your boyfriend jamming to one of his favourite bands. Once he looked at you and smiled, bobbing his head to the music, a large smile plastered on his face, did you realise it was your favourite song.

You soon got over the almost panic attack, and started enjoying yourself a bit more, however you were still at Wilbur's side listening to the various songs playing.

But everything came to an end eventually and once everyone was collected (after being hunted down by Ash) and back in the van, did you finally sit down and fully relax. You'd changed into warm, over-sized clothes from your boyfriend and laid down next to him in his small bunk, scrolling through your messages, winding down for the night. Little did you know, he was watching your smile appear on your face everytime you read the words "I love you" in a message.

"Are you having a happy session at the moment, Love?" He snapped you out of your thoughts.

"...no" You said mischievously, being incredibly obvious as it was a lie.

He threw his arm across your waist, taking your phone and pushing it under his pillow along with his, and snuggled his face into your shoulder.

"Wil, you can't fall asleep before me," You joked, but he grumbled and pushed his face harder against your shoulder.

"Don't get all pouty, I'm sorry. you can go to sleep."

And you watched him fall asleep, listened to his sleepy noises, and felt him relax into your touch as he got increasingly tired, leading you into a deep sleep.

[hyuuukais]

✧˖°ʚ🍓ɞ♡ SUNSHINE AND STRAWBERRIES

pairing ☆ lee felix x fem reader

synopsis ☆ Y/N is a new streamer. after months of planning, and her best friend & now fellow streamer han jisung convincing her, she makes a twitch and youtube account. thanks to jisung giving her a shoutout to his own huge following, she gains some unexpected overnight fame. but what was more unexpected was waking up to see her long-time favourite comfort streamer _sunshine.bbokari_ following her.

warnings ☆ swearing, descriptions of panic and being overstimulated, mention of being sick

[TAGLIST -> CLOSED]

MASTERLIST | PREVIOUS | NEXT

☆ mostly written chapter, 3 screenshots ☆

CHAPTER FOURTEEN ☆ NOT YOUR BUSINESS

People stare as you re-enter the room, making a beeline toward the stage. You glance over to your table and see Ryujin giving you two thumbs up, Chaeryeong giving you a small wave, and the boys cheering you on.

Never in your life have you had to give a speech in front of so many people, especially spontaneously. Your palms were sweaty, and your chest felt tight, but you told yourself everything would be fine. Once you got up there, maybe you'd find a pace and start rambling, forgetting about the crowd completely.

Unfortunately you knew yourself. That wasn't going to happen.

The short staircase squeaks as you walk up, the audience erupting into claps. Someone hands you a mic from backstage quickly, whispering a small good luck.

"H-Hi," You manage, trying to take deep breaths. "My name is Y/N-"

Already people are clapping again. The loud noise is overwhelming, but you try to stay grounded by finding your table. It takes a second, but your eyes finally set on Jaemin. Your chest feels a little less tight when he flashes you a smile.

"Some of you may know me as Y/N's Strawberry Fields on twitch, or from my twitter," You begin to find yourself relaxing, focusing on facts to get you through. "I started my channel a few weeks ago, and not to sound cliché, but it's been a wild ride. I have my best friend Han Jisung to thank for that."

You laugh nervously, and the crowd laughs with you.

"I wanted to pursue this for so long, but always had something in the way, whether it was school or my own doubts," You look down at your feet, hand rubbing your collarbone, a nervous habit you picked up a long time ago. "The sudden attention was a lot. Not all of it was good... but I had good people by my side."

You looks up again, eyes finding one of the cameras livestreaming the event.

"I want to thank someone else you may know. He's been so supportive of me, without even really knowing me all that well. I've looked up to him for so long," A smile spreads on your face. "His username is accurate. Felix, if you're watching this, thank you."

At the name drop, the crowd goes wild. Your chest tightens again, anxiety creeping up on you.

Deep breaths, Y/N, deep breaths.

You give a small bow, signaling the end of your speech. You're about to walk off when someone calls out from the crowd.

"Are you sure you're not using Han Jisung and Lee Felix? Or your other so called friends, Yang Jeongin, Sim Jake, or Kim Seungmin?"

Your head whips around toward the sound, but you can't find the owner of the voice.

"No!" You say a bit too loud, causing feedback. The audience groans and you sink into yourself a bit. "S-Sorry.. but no. I thought we moved past this topic."

"No one believes you."

"They don't need to," You try to stand your ground, standing taller despite the tears welling in your eyes. "I've been friends with these people for years, before any of this."

"Right.. but once you heard Han was friends with Felix, you jumped onto that opportunity pretty quick, huh?"

"That's not what happened..." Voice weak, eyes still searching the crowd, unable to find this person.

"Oh and another question-" A chair shifts, and your eyes lock into their table. "You seem really close with.. ah, what's his name? The one not on social media?"

"Kai?"

"Yes, him! You two seem awfully close... but you never post about him-"

"It's called respecting someone's privacy, which you've clearly never heard of," You snap, done with these questions.

You felt hot, the lights suddenly too bright and the air too dry. You could feel every piece of fabric touching your body.

"Why do you think you have the right to ask me these things? Huh?" You walk toward their table, ignoring the way your eyes sting and the pain in your chest. "Why the fuck is everyone so goddamn interested in my personal business?! How many times do I have to repeat myself? I'm not using anyone. What if people were constantly accusing you of this? How would you feel?"

Your breathing is quick and shaky, tears freely streaming down your face as you look down at this girl who looks about 16, staring at you with wide eyes.

You can feel people stares on you. The mic falls from your hand, emitting a loud squeal when it hits the floor. You feel yourself moving backwards, but it's like you're on autopilot, trying to find a way out. Spotting a door near the back, you run, the room silent and the only sound is your feet hitting the ground.

Cold metal, fresh air, someone's hands on your shoulders as you hunch over, sobbing. The hands help you lower to the ground, knees hitting the ground softly. You vaguely hear a man's voice, but you're too focused on not throwing up to process the words at first. Once you've calmed a bit, you can feel someone soothing you, a hand on your head smoothing back your hair.

"Hey, can you hear me? Breath with me Y/N," He grabs one of your hands, bringing it to his chest above his heartbeat. "In... out... in... just like that, yeah?"

Once you're able to breath normally again, you look up, feeling light headed. In front of you is someone you've never met, so why did he seem so familiar?

"This is probably weird for you," He says, keeping a tight grip on your forearms as you both stand. "I'm Chan- Felix's friend. Well, more like family at this point. Listen, my car's just down the road, can you walk? Or do you want me to bring it up? There doesn't seem to be a lot of security, so I'm sure I could bring it right here if you want, yeah?"

You nod. He studies you quickly, leaving after seemingly deciding you're okay on your own for a few minutes.

The whole situation begins to set in.

You just freaked out on one of the most anticipated livestreams.

"Oh my god," You gasp, running a hand through your hair. "Oh my god."

notes ☆ oh my oh my god- so umm that happened! did i project a bit onto y/n with my hatred and fear of public speaking? or with getting pissed off when overstimulated? maybe. maybe i did. let this girl catch a break fr 🙏 but wait- is that- felix is picking her up?! as in... they're finally meeting irl?!?!?!?!

taglist ☆ @marcillfll @toplinelix @neri-ner @tfshouldidohere @imasimplol @samvagejkflxhrt @yennifersgeralt @aestheticsluut @cherryuqii @tenebrisirae @roseidol @veryjeongintxtkid @amara-mars @nobuttpics @bmnyy @sheeshhhhfelixsworld @ellelabelle @gini143 @mrsseals16 @veedoesntknaur @channiesstars @daydreamer5006 @luvvvash @amesification @skzswife @blamemef0rit @soulphoenix1618 @lovingmny @stvrfir3 @boo-ven9eance @adestayskz @rag-iii @enchantedgrunge @mytherapisttoldmenotto @oh-my-fancan @lucktales @cookielino

pink means it won't let me tag u

[japanifornication]

oh man oh man. im always fond of phoenix w a praise kink and just. overwhelmed by love. miles fucking into him while whispering sweet nothings until he’s shaking from his orgasm after orgasm. make this slut cry from being loved and fucked! that one fic you wrote, “late night” was RIGHT up my alley and i swear i go back to it often

rubbing at the bags he can feel setting in beneath his eyes, phoenix has never been more tired in his life. not when he stayed up all night studying to get through law school. not the time he didn't sleep for three days a week before the bar and had to be forced to rest by mia. not when she was murdered, not even when he spent a night in city jail accused of that very murder.

the clop of two pairs of sandals patter into the distance as he watches maya, holding onto pearl's hand like a lifeline, head for their train under the flickering lights of the station. as they board, any remaining energy phoenix had escapes him and he sags back against the wall he's been leaning against, arms crossing over his chest as a sigh slips out of him.

it's hard to watch them go when they've only just got maya back, but with morgan headed to prison, they have a lot of things to sort out back in kurain, like packing up belongings and figuring out where they'll stay when they're there for training.

"it's getting quite late, wright."

he'd almost been falling asleep where he stood and the voice startles him, making him stand up straight and snap to attention. for a few minutes, he'd almost forgotten edgeworth was there. it's easy to forget, when it's quiet—he was dead for an entire year, after all.

"yeah. sorry to keep you waiting. you didn't have to do this, you know." phoenix says it automatically, like it's an obligation, even though he's not quite sure he is sorry after what the prosecutor did.

"i'm aware," is all edgeworth says, tucking a strand of hair behind his ear and then just briefly gripping at his elbow.

it's almost funny. when phoenix first met the man again on the other side of the courtroom last year, he looked like hell barely warmed over. edgeworth was the one with dark circles around the eyes, a permanent scowl affixed to his face. now, he looks oddly tranquil, if just a bit fatigued, and phoenix is the one who feels like garbage. things can change a lot in a year.

he clears his throat. "well. i won't keep you here any longer. let's get back to the car." he lets edgeworth lead the way back to his car—new since phoenix last saw it during state v. skye—and climbs back into the passenger seat, rattling off his address. it's a wonder he can even remember it in his current state.

it only gets darker as they head back through the city and by the time they make it to phoenix's apartment it's well into the night, not a hint of sun left in the sky. the car idles in the parking lot. neither make a move to leave or encourage the other to do so.

"so are you back living here?" phoenix finally gathers the strength to say. he means is he back residing within l.a. but the way it comes out almost sounds like he's asking if edgeworth is really, truly back from the dead and not just a spirit. "in l.a. i mean, not here obviously," he clarifies, as though there were any confusion whether or not edgeworth lived with phoenix. haha, very funny.

there's a slight squeak of leather as the man's hand shifts on the steering wheel, uncomfortable but not angry. "ah, i've only been back for a few days. i'm in a hotel, currently, but yes, i intend to find a new apartment."

"gotcha," phoenix says with an absent nod, chewing the inside of his mouth. "hey, um. i'm sorry about what i said, about… about you staying dead."

"wright, don't," edgeworth scoffs. "it's too late to take back words we've regretted, if anyone knows that it's me. don't waste your breath."

an exasperated laugh bursts out of the defense attorney. "okay great, because i'm not actually sorry."

edgeworth huffs at that with a slight shake of his head.

"but… do you want to come in for a beer or something? because this has been the longest day of my life and i'm sure even underneath that perfectly logical, stoic exterior, you can agree it's been exhausting." phoenix raises an eyebrow.

"a beer? tch." edgeworth's lip curls in distaste at the idea.

"what, not a beer drinker? i don't keep much in the way of wine or anything but i might have some whiskey," he offers instead.

edgeworth tilts his head, considering the offer with a slow blink. "i'm not sure you can afford my tastes, wright, but i'm intrigued." he unbuckles his seatbelt, indicating he's taken phoenix up on it.

"great." phoenix climbs out of the car and leads the way into his apartment building. he lives on the second floor, and they take the stairs up. it's faster, and he's not going to ask the man to take an elevator. it might have been a year, but he hasn't forgotten everything.

"sorry about the mess," he apologizes as he unlocks his front door. the last few days have been so long—he's been sleeping in his office and almost forgot about how much of a disaster his apartment is. he haphazardly tries to clean up before edgeworth can take in too much of the surroundings, scooping up dishes to bring to the kitchen and stuffing trash in the bin and kicking dirty laundry out of the way.

edgeworth is busy removing his shoes at the door and he manages to get the place looking a little less gross by the time he's done, then stops to take off his own shoes and jacket. he heads into the kitchen to see what he's got as far as alcohol, searching through his cabinets until he finds the bottle of whiskey he promised.

"how do you take it?" he asks.

"neat," comes the reply, edgeworth having followed him into the kitchen. he waits as phoenix pours them each a glass, then takes the bottle himself to inspect it. his eyebrows go up. "perhaps you've come into some fortune in my absence."

staring down into his rocks glass, phoenix tries to give a smile. it comes off weak. "if only. i inherited mia's liquor collection. went through most of it between you choosing death and now, if i'm honest."

adjusting his glass on the counter, edgeworth frowns down into his own drink. "ah. i see. ms. fey had good tastes, then?"

"i think she was gifted a lot of it, i'm honestly not sure." he lifts his glass to his lips, taking a deep swig. it burns on the way down. "sometimes i wonder… if i even knew her that well. if i'm doing any of this right. if she'd be proud of me. after a case like today, i'm not so sure."

"you saved her sister," edgeworth points out, palming his own glass and drinking from it absently. "i imagine that would mean a fair amount to her."

"yeah, i guess so. but i almost pinned a murder on an innocent woman. just feel like i should have figured out it was engarde a lot sooner, you know?" phoenix stands up straight, the tension awkward, and downs the rest of his glass in one go so he can pour himself another.

"i can see your point, though i believe you’re being a bit harsh on yourself. anyone under those circumstances would have struggled. i certainly fared no better, and i wasn’t the one whose loved ones were being held hostage for the majority of that case.” the words are mumbled thoughtfully over the rim of his glass before he takes another drink.

“why are you being so nice to me?”

his question obviously catches edgeworth by surprise, and the man finishes his whiskey before answering. “after hearing you be so honest about what you thought of my absence… i suppose it feels like obligation.”

the thought of any more drinks is immediately abandoned, because in the next moment, phoenix is grabbing edgeworth by that stupid cravat and pulling him close and smashing his mouth against his.

there’s a noise of protest, an initial objection, from edgeworth that seems to be more out of shock than anything, and then edgeworth’s arms are around his waist, crushing him close; he’s kissing phoenix back and he tastes like the whiskey they’ve been drinking and mint—toothpaste? breathmints? something else?—and phoenix sighs almost angrily against his mouth, furious he could have had this so much sooner if not for everything that had happened.

except that then edgeworth stops kissing him, to ask “wright, should i be doing this? surely you’re not drunk after a drink and a half.”

“i’m sober. kiss me, you son of a bitch.”

“it’s a bit rude to speak so poorly of the dead, you know,” he huffs in jest.

“good thing you’re not really dead.” phoenix’s hands fist in his hair as he tugs him back in for another kiss, and it’s all tongue and teeth and desperation, wanton for more.

before either of them knows what has happened, they’re standing in phoenix’s bedroom next to his bed. neither of them is particularly good at kissing and it doesn’t matter, because they’re kissing like it’s the last thing they’ll ever do and it’s driving phoenix insane.

unfortunately, edgeworth seems reluctant to do anything more than that. phoenix keeps trying to move things along—attempting to kiss down his throat, to bite him, to grab at his ass or unbutton his waistcoat—and edgeworth keeps grabbing at his wrists, moving them back to more appropriate places, kissing him like he wants to savor it rather than do anything else.

“just fuck me already,” phoenix finally groans, drinking in the way edgeworth laughs in response. when was the last time he even heard him laugh? not just a condescending chuckle from the other side of the courtroom, but actually laugh like he does now? when they were nine?

his back hits the bed as edgeworth shoves him away roughly. “fine. i’ll give you what it is you’re so desperate for.” he watches as the prosecutor tugs open his nightstand to survey the contents, and apparently finds what he expected to, retrieving the box of condoms from within and setting it atop the surface. “but i’m not doing this without some sort of safe word in place. it’s clear you’re not in a state to be taken at your word.”

“stoplight system,” phoenix replies, without hesitation.

that earns him a raised eyebrow, and for a moment it seems like he might be rejected, but eventually, edgeworth shrugs a shoulder and nods. “i’m familiar. that’s acceptable, can i trust you to actually use it?”

“funny of you to be asking me about trust right now.”

“wright.” there’s an obvious warning tone in his voice. “yeah. yes, i will use it correctly. green means go, red means stop, don’t stop unless i actually say that.”

there’s a hunger underlining edgeworth’s voice when he next speaks that makes all of phoenix’s skin prickle with desire. “alright. get on with it, then. tell me what you want.”

“god, thank you,” phoenix breathes. he sits up and grabs edgeworth by his belt, yanking him forward so he can undo it. “just want you to hold me down, make me take it.”

edgeworth blows out a long breath, but phoenix doesn’t look up, single-minded in his task now as he moves to unbutton the man’s slacks. the zip comes undone with relative ease, but the prosecutor’s shirt is long and held down by stays, partially blocking access to what he wants. it’s dark, and he’s a little drunk, and undoing the smaller buttons here is a bit harder, so he fumbles around with them as he talks. “you know. give it to me hard, don’t hold back, no matter what i say.”

edgeworth sheds his jacket and waistcoat and works his cravat free, discarding them on the side of phoenix’s bed before loosening the buttons of his shirt sleeves to roll them up. like this, phoenix can see the light hair that peppers his arms, usually hidden by clothes or distance across the courtroom or the fact that he thought the man was dead for a year. “is that how you normally prefer it?”

opting not to answer that, phoenix finishes unbuttoning the bottom of edgeworth’s shirt, giving him access to his boxer-briefs beneath. his fingers hook into the waistband and stretch it away from his skin, freeing the arousal steadily growing within and shoving them down as far as he can with the stays still hooked around his thighs.

he leans forward, gently cupping edgeworth's cock in one hand as he trails his lips down the side of it. the skin is so soft under his touch, but he doesn't get even a second to enjoy it; immediately, there's a hand in his hair, forcing his head back and away. he grimaces, baring his incisors but flooding with heat at the simple movement.

"someone's a bit overeager," edgeworth admonishes.

"yeah, well, when you've spent a year fantasizing about something you're positive you'll never get…" he steals a glance up at edgeworth's face, his chest starting to heave even though they haven't even started yet.

the man clenches his jaw, like the reminder hurts, but he feigns it away with a roll of his eyes. it doesn't fool phoenix, but he doesn't call it out. again, phoenix is pushed back to the bed like it's effortless, and edgeworth moves back to the nightstand to retrieve a condom from the box.

phoenix takes the opportunity to undo his own belt and slacks, shimmying them down along with his boxers around his hips. his thighs and hair are already slick with moisture, his dick swollen and begging to be touched.

he doesn't want to bother with the effort of fully undressing, so instead he rolls over while edgeworth applies the condom, ending up bent over the edge of his bed, ready and waiting.

he hears edgeworth spit into his hand, stroke it along his length then feels that hand on him for a brief, thrilling second, but he's already sopping wet, so it's unnecessary.

phoenix scrambles up the bed a little further but before he can really get anywhere, there’s a strong hand on his hip as the body behind him thrusts forward against him. with that one, swift movement, edgeworth is inside him, and he cries out, writhing against the sheets and trying not to just melt into uselessness.

a hand comes down against his shoulder, holding him down just like he'd asked for, but edgeworth leans in close and the other snakes over his mouth, preventing him from further cries as each snap of his hips makes phoenix want to scream. "is this what you wanted?" the man breathes hot and low in his ear.

he can only nod desperately, tears catching in his lashes as that cock rams into his g-spot and makes him quiver.

edgeworth doesn't stop. each thrust comes unbelievably hard, a loud slap of skin echoing through the room, but there's a pause between each one, and phoenix is grateful for that because otherwise he doesn't know how he would breathe. beads of sweat are already forming on the back of his neck, rolling down under the collar of his shirt. he quiets down, just panting against edgeworth’s palm, tasting the salt of his flesh, pushing back into each stroke and closing his eyes to bask in the feeling of him, to know it’s edgeworth pinning him down and spearing him open.

he's slick and needy and hasn't been so close to satisfied in what feels like forever.

he rocks his hips forward instinctively, trying to get friction on his own dick against the bed, but failing. edgeworth huffs out a condescending laugh in his ear. "not enough still? what are you, wright, a dog? must you hump something just to get off?"

phoenix whines at the suggestion but nods again against edgeworth's hand.

"yes?" he sounds mildly surprised, but not put-off. "alright." he straightens for a minute, pulling phoenix up so he can slide a folded pillow between the man's legs—phoenix's head is spinning and he lets himself be maneuvered bonelessly—before pushing him back down into the position they'd been in.

"are you sure this is how you want it, though, wright?" he asks in his ear again as they return to that pace of steady slams. "I'm happy to fuck you as hard as you'd like, but i had something a little different in mind." he slows down further, the thrusts turning into a sensual grind, no longer ramming into him with each one.

a sob leaks out of phoenix and he ruts against the pillow, mumbling against edgeworth's hand. his mouth is freed so he can speak. "please," he gasps. "tell me you're here to stay. that you won't leave again."

an anguished sound chokes out of the prosecutor. "i am not going anywhere, phoenix," he says after a moment of hesitation. there’s an edge to his voice, hurt but on the verge of something almost tender, and phoenix easily needs more.

"just need to feel it. need you to show me you're not going anywhere," phoenix begs. “just prove it to me, fuck me like you mean it.”

"oh, darling, i'm not leaving you." the term of endearment seems to slip out of edgeworth like it’s an accident, but he doesn’t take it back, and it feels like it stabs right through phoenix’s back and pins him to the mattress as much as the man himself is doing physically. edgeworth's hands reposition themselves to the bed on each side of his shoulders for more leverage and his cock grinds deeper into phoenix, forcing a strangled moan out of him. "i'm here to stay, and i'll prove it to you just like this whenever you'd like. that's it, open up for me, i want to hear you."

phoenix doesn't try to hold back his sounds anymore, more moans and whimpers and sobs escaping him in escalating volume as edgeworth fucks him and as he humps against the pillow. edgeworth has picked up the pace again, strokes coming faster, and phoenix's brain is dissolving into a puddle.

"harder, please," he whines.

"i'll give you harder, darling, but i want you to come first. you're doing so well," edgeworth murmurs, leaning down to kiss the top of his ear. "i know you can do it. it feels good, doesn't it? to grind on your pillow? be a good boy and come for me, phoenix."

a harsher sob is ripped from his chest. his hips roll against it more desperately even as edgeworth doesn't stop pounding into him. "i'm so close," he whispers shakily.

"i know," edgeworth reassures, lowering himself to further press into phoenix, more grinding into him again which just forces him more into the pillow. "does this help? if i drive you into it?"

"yes, yes, oh, miles…"

"come for me, phoenix, then i'll give you that hard, unrelenting fuck you want, to prove i'm not going anywhere. come on. come for me."

and phoenix does, rocking forward against the pillow one last time and causing his orgasm to explode through him. he clenches around miles and his cock twitches with each pulse and miles is still rolling his hips, forcing him into the pillow, and he can't come down, and he's fully crying.

"good boy," he hears from edgeworth, and the praise is music he never imagined he'd hear. "are you ready for more?"

he hasn't even stopped coming yet, he's not ready for more, but god does he want it anyway. "no," he offers unhelpfully.

"no? color, wright."

"green," phoenix spits, a string of saliva connecting his mouth to the bed where he was accidentally drooling against his comforter.

"good, so let me ask again. are you ready for more?"

having no intention of changing his answer, phoenix repeats himself. "no. it's too much."

he can almost hear the smirk in edgeworth's voice, and is glad they're both on the same page. "and you think i have any intention of stopping simply because it’s too much? how quaint. you can handle more."

another hard slam of his hips has phoenix shaking, pressing his face back into the softness of his comforter to muffle a yelp, but as quickly as it was given, it’s taken away as edgeworth pulls out.

“roll over, wright. i want to see the moment you break,” he’s commanded, and phoenix doesn’t make any rush of moving to do so. edgeworth grabs his shoulder and pulls, rolling him over anyway. hands grab his slacks and yank, and phoenix kicks to at least help get them off, along with his boxers.

arms hook under his knees and in an instant edgeworth is back inside him, making phoenix’s back arch against the mattress. the pillow is still under him, but now it's providing support, and edgeworth is still hitting all the right spots, and he blearily opens his eyes to find the man looking down at him.

the way edgeworth looks at him is almost reverent, quicksilver eyes soft but dilated with pleasure, hair disheveled and hanging in his face, sweat beading on his forehead. it's different from how phoenix imagined it might be, when he thought he was dead. then, he hadn't known this edgeworth so desperately trying to redeem himself. he'd only known the angry, spiteful one, full of loathing for everyone and everything, especially himself and especially phoenix. he'd thought his eyes would be hardened, creased between the eyebrows, a permanent scowl fixed upon his face. he can see a slight divot between his eyebrows, but it looks more in concentration, and there's no scowl.

"miles," he breathes, just a whisper on his breath. he's struggling to even catch it with the force he's being fucked with, knocking the air out of his lungs, but he gulps down another breath and tries again. "m-miles. take off the condom."

a dry laugh huffs out of edgeworth and he hesitates. "are you delusional?"

"i promise it's safe. please…" he's crying again and he hates that he's crying again but he can't stop the tears from leaking down his cheeks. "please. i need you to prove you're not going anywhere. need you to fill me up and make me yours."

again, edgeworth blows out an affected breath, this time much more obviously struggling with the decision. "you're sure?"

"yes, i'm giving you the green light, please, god," he pleads.

"fuck, phoenix." in an instant, he pulls out again, looking down as he uses one hand to attempt to take off the condom. it takes a minute to get it off, but eventually he does, and it gets tossed in the trash beneath the nightstand before the man drives back into phoenix's hot cunt, filling him now with no barrier between them.

there's no way to prevent the flood of tears now, no longer just a trickle but practically a waterfall. he pushes edgeworth's arms away from under his knees to adjust, instead hooking his legs around the man's waist like he can draw him in deeper if he tries hard enough, like he can just pull edgeworth into his body and keep him there forever.

for edgeworth's part, at least, he grips a hand under phoenix's thigh and with a slight grunt helps shift them up onto the bed properly, and then they're chest-to-chest and the prosecutor is kissing down his jawline, tongue delving out to lick up the salt of his tears and god, phoenix is so overwhelmed.

"how long have you been dreaming about this, wright?" that deep, sultry voice mumbles right against his ear.

phoenix answers honestly, and he's not just crying from the overwhelming amount of pleasure anymore. now he's ugly crying, and it's embarrassing, and his hands find the front of edgeworth's shirt and twist in it, holding on to it like a lifeline. "a long time but—but i thought you were dead," he chokes out. he can feel alarm crackle through edgeworth like ice underfoot, but it's too late, they've already plunged through. "i th-thought you were fucking dead, that i'd missed my chance—"

his words are muffled by a kiss, one that's just as desperate and hungry as phoenix feels. he half-sobs, half-moans into it, clumsily attempting to reciprocate as best he can.

"i know. i'm so sorry, phoenix," edgeworth hisses against his mouth when they part for air. his movements have slowed, this thrusts languid but striking deep, and phoenix just encourages him, heels pressing against his ass with each inward stroke. "shh, you're alright. i'm not going anywhere." the words sound like a promise.

another pathetic mewl bleeds out of phoenix, energy sapped from him at the apology. his legs fall from around edgeworth's hips, coming to rest on the bed, because he can't hold them up anymore, and it just spreads him wider, lets the man fuck him deeper. he sniffles and presses his face into edgeworth's shoulder to hide his tear-strewn face.

"there you go, darling. relax. i'll give you what you need. you're being so good for me." edgeworth's breathing is labored and phoenix can feel sweat through the man's shirt.

his hands let go of the front to wrap around his back, crush him closer. it's too slow, too intimate, it's not what he asked for or wanted, but somehow it is what he needed.

the rhythm of edgeworth's thrusts start to falter and suddenly there's a hand on phoenix's jaw, turning his face towards his. "look at me."

phoenix does. the expression on edgeworth's face is so hard to read, but it seems almost close to adoration, or maybe obsession, and a shiver runs down phoenix's spine.

"i'm here, phoenix. because of you."

those six words are phoenix's undoing. his hands claw for purchase against edgeworth's back, fingertips catching in the folds of his shirt as his whole body tenses, pleasure slamming into him like a fucking freight train and forcing an orgasm out of him unlike any other. he feels edgeworth jolt against him and knows the man is coming too, leaving that tangible evidence that he's here, he's alive, he's alive he's alive he's alive, i'm alive.

for the first time since prosecutor miles edgeworth chose death, phoenix wright feels alive.

spent and exhausted, phoenix can't even complain when edgeworth collapses atop him. instead, he hugs him close, albeit weakly, eyes falling shut and just cradling the man against him, reluctant to let him pull out or leave just yet.

when they finally do part god knows how long later, no words are exchanged. edgeworth painstakingly withdraws from inside phoenix with a grimace, then helps him clean up in silence. he doesn't say anything as he removes the rest of his clothing, leaving phoenix to extract the implications from that action himself and disrobe as well, tossing the rest of his clothes to the floor.

they climb back into bed and phoenix finds himself hesitating to get closer until edgeworth draws him in himself, an arm sliding around him possessively.

before phoenix can drift off, he clears his throat and asks hoarsely, "should we… talk about what just happened?"

edgeworth dismisses it with a half-hearted shrug. "if you'd like. in the morning, perhaps?"

fear grips phoenix immediately and he swallows, looking up at the man. "will you still be here? in the morning?"

a long, tired sigh hisses out of edgeworth's chest. "i may have nightmares still, and may not be in bed when you awake. but yes. i will be here, in the morning."

"you promise?"

edgeworth searches his face for understanding. he doesn't seem the type to promise things, and perhaps that's why the response is delayed, but after a long moment, he nods slowly. "i promise."

phoenix buries his face against his chest, and in a few minutes, he's asleep.

[fiapartridge]

she ties it for every single game + she tied it for the draft like she's in those little nhl youtube vids where the draftees are getting ready and she's just tying his tie & everyone goes crazy about it in the comment section

can you write a little blurb about this please!!!

i've been neglecting my daisy and will girls im coming back to yall

Will's hotel room was filled to the brim with family members that Daisy had met months prior when she spent Thanksgiving with the Smiths, cameramen recording footage for the NHL YouTube account, and close friends from high school that Will managed to keep in touch with. Everyone that helped him get to this moment was here, and she was so glad that she could experience it. But she could tell it was overwhelming. I mean, everyone pressuring you to look the best while you're scared shitless, only hours away from seeing your future in the NHL? That's crazy.

Grace pulled Daisy aside, away from the hectic-ness that was this whole entire scene. "Will's freaking out," she whispered.

Daisy narrowed her brows. "I told him I would help him with his tie once he comes out of the bathroom?"

"No," Grace shook her head. "Like he's freaking out. He won't come out of the bathroom, he doesn't want to see our parents, he just wants you. Please... get that boy out of there."

Daisy wondered what was happening. Will has never been like this before. He was always so excited with anything relating to hockey. The weeks leading up to draft, all he would talk about was the anticipation of finding out what team's gonna pick him. He seemed so... fine.

But now, he sat on the edge of the bathtub, his hands in his hair, not even looking up when Daisy sat on the toilet cover beside him, gently tugging his hands out of his blonde locks.

"Talk to me," she whispered. "What's happening? You were so excited."

Will gulped, staring at his hands that was now holding onto Daisy's. He didn't notice he was shaking until it finally stopped. "I can't-" He tried breathing, talking, but nothing was coming out. Everything just felt like so much. Too much.

Everything was riding on this one day. What if everyone had just overhyped him and none of the teams actually wanted him? What if all of his friends get drafted and he's the one that gets left behind? What if he disappointed everyone? What if... what if everything he worked towards just wasn't enough?

"It's okay," Daisy smiled. Her hand going under his chin, raising his gaze to meet hers. She whispered so as to not add to all of the chaos just outside that bathroom door. "You don't need to know how you're feeling right now. This is a lot, and I hate to say it, but the rest of your life is going to be a lot," she softly snickered. "But just take it one step at a time, and I'm here... if that helps."

After a couple of moments, Will nodded, standing up slowly. His breathing regulated as he stood in front of the mirror, looking at himself and then looking at Daisy beside him. It's always Daisy beside him. He couldn't be more grateful for that.

Daisy grabbed the red tie off the counter, slipping it around Will's neck. "Let's start here, hm?"

Again, Will nodded, breathing slowly and bending down as Daisy tied the fabric over each other and finished it off by tightening it to fit his neck. Bringing the flaps of his collar down, she smiled at him.

His cheeks were flushed pink, and his hair was slightly mussed, and his pocket square was drowning in the breast pocket, but he looked like him. Will wasn't perfect, nobody is, but this guy wasn't the same one that was faking smiles and doing interviews. This was Daisy's Will.

"Thank you, baby," he whispered, matching her soft tone. Breathing out, he asked, "Step two?"

"Go outside... and see what happens," she grinned, her hand holding his cheek, her tippy toes raised. "And whatever does happen, I'm right beside you, okay?"

Will relaxed against her hand. "Okay."

Upon opening the door, the two were met with worried looks and cameras that made it impossible to feel at ease. But as Daisy's thumb brushed Will's hand, he remembered to breathe and take it one step at a time.

Days after the draft, Will's NHL YouTube video was uploaded, prompting Daisy and his family to watch it together in the living room in his house back in Boston.

Not knowing his mic and the tiny camera attached to his suit was still on, bits and pieces of their conversation in the bathroom could be seen and heard. Daisy and Will's faces turned beet red after hearing his family squeal and Grace cry at how cute the two of them were. Daisy hid her face in Will's chest as he tried to fight off his smile.

He scrolled through the comments a couple days later, not disappointed by the amount of sweet things everyone had to say.

omg i'm crying they're so cute

I NEED A LOVE LIKE THIS OMG

daisy's the ultimate wag fr

HER TYING HIS TIE?!?!? OMG THATS SO CUTE

if i can't have will, i'm happy that daisy can

it physically pains me to know he's not single, but omg this was the cutest thing i've ever seen in my whole entire life

i don't even want will, i want daisy ohmygod

this is love. i cant do this

[charmante-mp3]

The Death of Me

Yeosang x m!reader (feat. Yunho, Mingi, and Wooyoung) A bit angsty/lil sprinkle of fluff/suggestive/non-idle au This took me forever to write but here it is, lowkey one of my favorite stupid little pieces I've written.

TW; SUGGESTIVE/CURSING

18+ MINORS DNI 3.0k

---

The rain fell, mixing with the tears flowing from my eyes. After all these years of being by his side, why couldn’t he choose me? He chose her, of course he did. She’s everything I’m not. She’s extravagant, and I am only his best friend. A side character never chosen to be the romantic interest. Then again, I’m nothing like her, I’ve never been a woman and I never will be. 

~

I don’t remember when we met, I just know we’ve always been attached to the hip. Every Sunday was dedicated to dinners with the Kang’s. Which meant Mrs. Kang would come over in the afternoon with Yeosang, we’d run around the house constantly being scolded. Until we got in middle school, those Sundays we now sat in mine or his room now glued to stupid multiplayer video games. Finally, high school when everything changed. I saw things differently, I saw my childhood best friend as something more. A dirty secret I’ve kept for years. Now it’s our final summer break before our last year of high school. 

“Y/N!” I heard the deep voice yell from down stairs. I was barely awake when Yeosang barged in my room, a normal occurrence. 

“Yeosang what are you doing, it’s 9am?” I sat up trying to shrug off the sleep.

“You do remember that even if it’s summer we still have practice,” He stated. I flung myself out of bed.

“Shit,” I muttered rustling around my room to find my gear. I met Yeosang downstairs, and we booked it to school. 

After many drills and a practice game I slumped myself on the ground. Grabbing my water, my eyes flung over to an approaching Yeosang. Who was in the process of wiping his face with his shirt, causing his abs to be shown off to the world. Averting my eyes quickly, I chugged down most of the water in the bottle. I tried to shove every thought I just had to the back of my brain when he sat beside me.

“How’s it feel to finally be captain?” He said while propping his elbow on my shoulder. My heartbeat had begun pounding in my ears.

“A little weird,” I said, my voice raspy. I saw Yeosang’s eyes widen a bit, yet I had no idea why.

“Remember when you swore up and down you would be soccer captain one day? Guess you weren’t lying,” His deep chuckle rang in my ears.

“Yeah I do,” I shrugged his arm off as subtly as possible, which didn’t work at the slight offense glazed over his face.

“I think I’m gonna head home this shirt is sticking to my back,”

~

My brain had been playing tricks on me the past few days leading up to school starting once more. I thought I would see Yeosang’s gaze linger a little longer and softer. It definitely changed my mind when he started talking to this girl.

“She said yes, I’m taking her on a date!” He exclaimed. I could feel the emotional pain rip through my body. Her name was Rose, Yeosang had spoken so highly of her for two weeks.

“That’s great, Sang. But do you mind I have a bit to do,” I trailed off trying to make an excuse.

“Like what?” He said, confused. I was trying to find a lie and didn’t notice him come lean over my shoulder. 

“I don’t feel well!” I blurted out as I noticed his presence lean over me, trying to glance at my laptop. Which I abruptly closed soon after. 

“Y/n?” 

“Don’t ask Yeosang, go about your day,” This was not how you planned to come out to your lifelong best friend.

“Are you helping Mingi?” He asked dead serious. I couldn’t help the overwhelming urge to facepalm.

“God Yeosang, your density will forever be my favorite thing about you,” I chuckled, “Why would I help Mingi when everyone already knows?” I continued glancing over just to see his eyes widen. 

“Is it Hongjoong?” 

“Christ Yeosang, it’s me!” 

“Oh,” It suddenly got really quiet, which made anxiety creep up my veins. He began to speak again but I didn’t let him.

“Alright Yeosang, go enjoy your date I’m sure Hongjoong would absolutely love to dress you up! Bye,” I said, shoving him out of my room just to slam the door in his face. I pushed my weight against it, feeling the tears prick my eyes. It was time to call Wooyoung.

~

“He literally only said ‘oh’,” Wooyoung’s face dropped in annoyance. 

“Yup! Right after exclaiming his date with a girl. I didn’t even know he liked anyone,” I explained the situation that happened just half an hour ago. 

“I didn’t either,” He trailed off.

“I don’t believe it, you two have been pining at each other since the beginning of the semester,” San pitched in, walking up behind Wooyoung.

“San where the fuck did you come from?” I questioned more at Wooyoung. 

“He’s been here the entire time,” Wooyoung admitted and my eyes flew open to glare at my gossip buddy. 

“Literally everyone knows about your crush, you make it so painfully obvious,” San says, retreating away from the camera.

“Except for Yeosang apparently,” Wooyoung added.

“You’re an ass,” 

~

Graduation had come and gone and with that college started. By some curse or straight luck, Yeosang and myself had gotten a soccer scholarship to the same school. This meant you also roomed with him in a college dorm and with that he became aware of the growing distance between you two. However, you did obtain two new friends that were undeniably flirty as fuck, Mingi and Yunho.

“Yeosang for the millionth time you’ve done nothing I’m just busy,” You said walking away from the blonde headed man. 

“Too busy to go to Wooyoung’s party tomorrow?” I stopped in my tracks. Wooyoung’s parties were something I did really enjoy, simply because you never knew what it would consist of. 

“We’ll see,” I said before stepping into my class, leaving him in the halls.

~

Part of me didn’t want to go knowing Rose and Yeosang would be attached to the hip, but I ended up at Wooyoung’s house, seated in between Mingi and Yunho. 

“I’m pretty sure I’ve seen her hookup with someone at my university,” Mingi said. Both of them had their eyes trained on Yeosang and his girlfriend as I tried my best to ignore it by taking a drink of the cheap shit in my hand. 

“You should hook up with us to get your mind off of it,” Yunho stated, causing all of what I drank to be spit right back out. I expected them to laugh and shrug it off while I was coughing up my lungs, but they didn’t.

“You’re not being serious,”

“He’s being dead serious,” Mingi said to my left. 

“What the fuck,” I muttered.

“What you’re hot! Most of us would fuck you given the chance,” Gesturing to literally everyone in the room.

“Except for Yeosang apparently,” Wooyoung said, coming up just to plop himself into my lap.

“Oh fuck off you three,” I threw my head into Wooyoungs’ shoulder.

“I don’t understand why Yeosang has all your attention,” Yunho said, shoving his head in your neck, sending a shiver down your spine. As he said that my eyes flicked over to Yeosang who was already looking this way. His eyes widened along with mine as Wooyoung turned himself around in my lap. 

“I have a really funny plan,” Wooyoung said, his face inches from mine.

“We’ve already had this plan,” Mingi said, following Yunho steps in shoving himself in my neck.

“What fucking plan,” I said. I could feel the heat of embarrassment grow up my neck.

“We’re just gonna give Yeosang a little push,” Wooyoung cackled out. He draped his arms over my shoulder. I could tell they were a little tipsy.

“Just let us kiss and feel you up and you’ll see what we see,” Mingi said in my ear.

“We won’t actually fuck you, unless you want it of course,” Yunho said. 

“You three are going to give me a heart attack. Honestly whatever, I do need a little distraction,” I said, tilting my head on Yunho. Apparently that was enough from all three of them. I could feel Mingis’ hand wandering to my thigh, Yunhos’ teeth scraping my neck, and Wooyoung slightly move around in my lap. The sensations caused a grunt to rip through my vocals. My eyes couldn’t help but wander to Yeosang over Wooyoungs’ shoulder. I thought I saw a glint of anger in his eyes, but I wasn’t able to look long enough as Wooyoung gripped my chin.

“Come on Y/n, play with us,” He said before clashing his lips with mine. Wooyoung continued to wiggle around slightly in my lap and I could feel the blood rush below me.

“Fuck,” was the first thing that left my mouth as he detached himself from me. My hands quickly found Wooyoungs’ hips to actually ground myself. 

“You know, Yeosangs’ got heavy eyes on us,” Mingi said.

“He’s gripping his cup so hard I’m surprised it hasn’t broken,” Yunho added.

“Along with the hundred eyes that are around, I think Yeosang is the last person on his mind,” Wooyoung said, still breathless.

“It’s unfortunate for him really. Y/n’s lips are the greatest thing I’ve ever tasted,” Wooyoung flirted sitting up straight now.

“I want a taste,” I heard Yunho grumble to my right, soon followed by hands gripping my chin. Yunho’s teeth clashed with mine and I gripped Wooyoungs’ hips harder as Mingi attacked my neck. I could feel the harsh bites and sucks that he littered from my jaw to my shoulder. I ripped myself away from Yunho as Wooyoung grinded harsher in my lap.

“Holy shit,” I said loudly, almost forgetting the crowd of others. 

“As much as I think Yeosang’s enjoying the show, I’m not much of an exhibitionist,” Mingi said, pulling himself away from me. I caught a glimpse of Yeosang approaching us, my heart started to pound in my chest.

“Oh? Are we getting company?” Yunho stated eyes subtly looking at the scene in front of him. Yeosang was a few steps away when his girlfriend ran over engulfing him in her arms. 

“That’s enough for me,” I said, grabbing Wooyoung and lifting him up. 

“You coming?” Wooyoung asked Mingi and Yunho over my shoulder.

“Hell yeah we are,” However, we didn’t get very far as a hand roughly grabbed my wrist.

“I wanna go home,”

~

It was 4am when I arrived back at my shared apartment with Yeosang.

“You enjoyed the party huh?” Was the first thing he said after closing the door. 

“Yeah, could’ve been more interesting,” I said with my eyebrow raised.

“Is that why you’ve been ignoring me? Didn’t want those three to think I was fucking you too?” That caught me off guard.

“Yeosang what the hell?” He started ranting about who knows what as I drowned him out. “Yeosang! There’s no reason for you to be this pissed about it!” I interrupted his rant. He did nothing but stare at me with a harsh glaze. After a few seconds of silence he walked off towards his room, followed by a slight slam of his door. 

The past few days consisted of Yeosang and I completely avoiding each other, which was surprisingly easier than I thought it would be. Walking along the street, towards one of my favorite cafes, my mood was soured by the sight in the window. It was Rose and Yeosang, chatting and looking as happy as ever. 

‘He’d be perfectly fine without me in his life’ the thought crossed my mind more than once these past weeks. I could feel the familiar sting of tears as the words replayed in my head. A drop of cold water hit my head making everything ten times better. The rain fell harder and so did my tears, I started walking away oblivious to the eyes trained on my figure.

~

“So you’re gonna change schools just because of a boy?” Seonghwa, my older friend asked. 

“Why not, I’ve got others dying to have a pro soccer player,” I muttered out, my laptop displaying my options.

“He hasn’t even contacted me Seonghwa, it would be easier on both of us if I just dwindled out of his life,” I said, slamming the device shut. 

“So, you’re gonna find a whole new roommate too?” That was one question I hadn’t thought about just yet. 

“Don’t go to Wooyoung, that'd be a horrible idea,” Seonghwa said before I could even get the suggestion out of my mouth. My next suggestion got cut short as my phone rang through the air. Speaking of the devil Wooyoung was calling me, I couldn’t even say hello when I answered.

“I told Yeosang where you were hiding out,” 

“Wooyoung you dick,” My mind raced trying to find out why he even wanted to know.

“Are you an idiot or did you mute his messages,” Wooyoung asked, knowing I swore up and down he hasn’t contacted me. My face fell as I checked any messages from Yeosang. I had at least twenty messages asking where I was, if I was okay, he was sorry, and we needed to talk. If your heart could fall to your toes, that’s where mine would be. A loud knock echoed through the house and Wooyoung abruptly hung up.

“You can handle this, I'm out,” Seonghwa said as he opened the door.

“Seonghwa you bitch,” I muttered out as he walked to a different room. Yeosang slowly rounded the corner, he looked as if he’d been through hell and back.

“Fuck Yeosang what happened?” I jumped up to his side, completely forgetting my dilemma.

“Why are you hiding here? I know what I said was out of line but running isn’t your thing,” His voice was hoarse. 

“Let’s not have this conversation in Seonghwa’s living room,” I said. I gathered my stuff, told Seonghwa we’re out, and led Yeosang back to our shared apartment.

~

“You’re not getting that answer,” I told him as he kept asking why I was avoiding him.

“Rose cheated, and you weren’t here. I think I deserve to know why,” I heard his voice crack along with my heart. I felt horrible even if I was in love with him, but I was still his best friend and I left him in a hard spot.

“Yeosang, that’s even more reason not to tell you. I’ll make you tea and once you get over her, I’ll tell you about it,” I said getting up from my spot.

“What if I was already over her?” I barely heard behind me as well as slight movement. I turned and noticed he was following him to the kitchen and I let him.

“Crying over a girl doesn’t make you weak Sangie,” I heard a sigh of relief as he sat at our kitchen island.

“I was more upset at the fact you weren’t here,” He said words that only made me grow softer for him.

“Yeosang you don’t realize how much you’re killing me,” I said out loud, I didn’t mean to it just flew out before I could think.

“What do you mean?” I could hear his voice crack again. I swung my head around and could see tears beginning to cloud his eyes. I muttered out a curse and decided to throw all dignity out the window. Wrapping my hands around him I pulled him into my chest as he shook with silent sobs.

“Sangie, I’ve been in love with you since high school. These stupid feelings are hurting both of us, so I needed to distance myself or drop out of your life completely,” I finally confessed. His hands around my waist crumbled up my shirt and I let my own tears flow out. However, his sobs came to an abrupt stop.

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” I almost didn’t hear him as he pulled me closer into him. I stayed silent for a while as the inner panic got worse. Suddenly, he stood up pushing me back a little as his head was still tucked into my chest. I would be surprised if he couldn’t hear the rapid beating of my heart. Making it worse, he softly shoved me back at arm's length. His eyes dead set on mine and I could see the remnants of tears all over his face. His push didn’t do much as he got closer, our faces just inches apart

“Yeosang, whatcha doing?” I whispered. We stood there for what felt like hours, in reality it was probably only a few seconds. 

“I wasn’t lying when I said I was already over her,” He said. I was about to ask why that was when the most unexpected thing happened. My eyes widened as Yeosang pulled me in for a rough kiss. I tensed up and he began pulling away when I realized what was happening. Pulling him back in, I kissed him as if it was the last thing I’d ever do. I heard a slight moan come from him, which went straight to my groin. 

“Can you choose me over Wooyoung now?” 

“I already have,”

~

I was blasted awake by the loud ringing of my phone. Wooyoung was once again calling me.

“Why do you call me at the stupidest fucking times?” I asked, thoughts of last night ran through my head and I had convinced myself it was a dream.

“Did you finally fess up to Yeosang?” I rolled my eyes at him. I was about to respond when hands slowly wrapped around my waist. 

“Yeah he did, now shut the fuck up so we can sleep,” I heard the unmistakable deep voice close in my ears. 

“Holy shit it wasn’t a dream,” I heard Wooyoung’s hyena cackle mixed with Yeosang’s low chuckle. With that Wooyoung left us and I turned over to face my best friend of so many years. He definitely wasn’t fully awake, I wasn’t really either until I took notice of the state we were in.

“You really will be the death of me,”

[lirillith]

The other post I've been meaning to make is about what's been up with my husband, because I've been making vague posts about hospitals and emergency rooms and not elaborating.

So two weeks ago, he had a dizzy spell. As he described it, "I was eating lunch and suddenly there was rice all over the keyboard." Saturday, he mentioned one or two more, but we weren't super concerned. If anything, he was worried that it might be the return of the ITP, the auto-immune disorder where his body randomly destroys all his platelets - he's been hospitalized three or four times for it, and he lives in fear of the next recurrence.

Then Sunday, he was in bad shape; exhausted, unwell, having frequent recurrences of the dizzy spells with little if any recovery time between them. We agreed that while it wasn't ITP he should definitely go to urgent care that night or the next day. By the kiddo's bedtime he was barely able to stand up; he collapsed while trying to sing a lullaby to her. We aren't totally sure still if he was actually fainting, though we described it that way at times. I concluded it was ER time, not urgent care. So Monday, after dropping Dottie off at school, that's where I took him.

And I don't know if you've ever been in an ER in a major city, but if you go in with something that's not immediately dangerous, you're going to be waiting for HOURS. So the fact that within two hours we'd spoken to doctors about his symptoms and they'd drawn blood and checked his blood pressure was... telling.

Anyway, they got him admitted with what amounts to lightning speed - he was in an ER bed by the time I had to leave to pick up Dottie from school - and he then spent the next five days in the hospital. He was having random episodes of heart arrhythmia, and when he was finally discharged after five days with a buttload of meds to take, he lasted 24 hours before he had another episode - this time possibly brought on by one of the meds he was taking? - and went back in the hospital for another three days. At least at this point he's been home for three days without incident.

So now my husband officially has heart failure - not the usual heart attack kind, but your heart not operating efficiently enough also counts as a type of failure - at the age of 47. He's got a monitoring device he's wearing 24/7 now, and he can't do a lot of the things he normally did around the house or in caring for Dottie. Most notably he doesn't feel safe to drive and can't do the shopping, so that's falling to me, and I find shopping pretty overwhelming, so I'm more than usually busy, stressed, and exhausted on top of worrying about him.

[crowleesi]

Take On Me | Eddie Munson x OC | Part Six

friends to lovers ♡ slow burn

♡ part one ♡ | ♡ part two ♡ | ♡ part three ♡ | ♡ part four ♡ | ♡ part five ♡

summary: Blake Walker and Eddie Munson are worlds apart, but when she finds herself in detention with the high school “freak”, she realises that he isn’t the monster people had always made him out to be.

word count: 4.8k

warnings: drug use, smoking, overwhelming mutual pining

author's note: i'm so sorry for the delay in posting this part! i've had a lot going on recently and have barely had a chance to think, let alone write - but part six is finally here! ♡

⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻

Another week had flown by, and Blake and Eddie had fallen into a new routine: passing each other in the hall and exchanging knowing smiles; stealing glances during class, in the cafeteria and across the parking lot; the only real contact they’d shared had been just a couple of days prior, when he had caught her in a rare solitary moment at her locker.

She had been keeping herself busy by studying hard with tests coming up, and figured that Eddie was just as busy doing his own thing. But by now, she was aching without him, missing him every moment of every goddamn day - and with a free period, she set out to find him as lunch was finishing. She’d managed to avoid further interrogation from her friends about her friendship with Eddie, which had made the short time in the cafeteria every day a little more palatable; though, with every passing day she felt a stronger tug toward the Hellfire table, toward their laughter, jokes and stories; toward him.

He was absent from his usual seat at the head of the table, so she headed over to Jeff and Gareth as the others grabbed their bags and left.

“Hey guys,” She called out, and Jeff turned and greeted her with his usual bright smile.

“Hey,” He grinned. “What’s up?” She glanced at Eddie’s empty seat, and Gareth snickered.

“He’s not here,” He said, adjusting the strap of his bag on his shoulder. Blake smiled.

“I can see that,” She says playfully. “Where is he?”

“Smoking his birthday joint, probably.” Jeff mused, and she raised her eyebrows. “At his spot. You know it? In the woods?” She blinked.

His birthday joint?

“Yeah,” She says. “I know it. Thanks.”

As Jeff and Gareth headed off for their next class, Blake slowly made her way outside, dumbfounded. She had no idea it was his birthday - why on earth didn’t he say anything? She'd heard the rumours of the abandoned picnic table in the woods where the "freak" resides, so she heads across the field to the line of trees at the far side.

There, she finds him relaxing, a joint dangling lazily from his fingers. He was sitting back, elbows resting on the table, legs spread and his head was tilted back, exposing his neck that she was sure had never looked so god damn inviting. Her mouth went dry at the sight of him, a heat rising in her cheeks and an ache building between her legs.

God, Eddie.

She breathes in deeply, taking a step closer to him.

“There you are,” She says, trying to play it cool and he slowly brings his head back down and smiles at her.

“Hey you,” He says, bringing the joint to his lips. “I was just thinkin’ about you.” He takes a long drag. “What are you doin’ here?” He asks, blowing out the smoke.

"I was looking for you." She says, rounding the table to sit on the other side. His gaze follows her as she passes, and he swings his legs around so that he’s facing her as she settles down opposite him. He leans his chin in his hand, that smile never leaving his lips.

"Where've you been, hm?" He asks. "Haven't seen you much."

"Studying," she says, asking playfully, "Where have you been?" He hums.

"Oh, y’know,” he drawls, waving a hand. “Band practice, D&D prep." It’s then that she notices the pile of books beside him, one of which read Dungeons & Dragons in bold red letters on the spine. “We’ve got a big session tonight, so,” He pauses to take another drag. “Had to get ready.”

"Hey, I've been meaning to ask you," she says, sliding the book in front of her and opening the cover. "What's it like?"

“D&D?” He asks, and she nods, flicking through the pages, letting her eyes run over detailed drawings of dragons, weapons and various mythical creatures. “Really fun.”

"What kind of character do you play?” She asks, and he almost swoons.

“I don’t,” he says, and she looks up at him. “I’m the Dungeon Master, so I tell the story, guide the players, present them with scenarios and they decide what happens,” He pauses and smiles at the way her eyebrows rose slightly as he explained. “So long as the dice are on their side, anyway.” Blake looks back down at the textbook, trailing her fingers over a detailed drawing of a female character with long, dark hair and pointed ears.

“Y’know,” She says. “It actually sounds sort of cool.” Eddie snorts, and takes a final drag from his joint before ditching it and smushing it into the dirt with his sneaker. “What are the characters like?” she asks, an almost child-like wonder in her eyes and he chuckles.

“Whatever you want them to be.” She looks back down at the book. “What would your character be like?” He asks, leaning on the table, and she thinks for a moment.

“Like her,” She says, tapping the page. “She looks cool.” He hums.

“An elf,” he says. “An admirable choice.” She smiles.

“But my character would have purple eyes,” She says. “Lilac, I think.” An adoring smile slowly turned up the corner of his lips.

“What else?” He asked, and she pursed her lips in thought.

“She’d wear a cloak,” She says, and he leans his chin in his hand. “With a large hood so you couldn’t really see her face.”

“Mysterious.” He whispers with a grin, and she giggles.

“Can I come?” She asks, and he cocks his head. “Tonight?” He considers her.

“We sort of have a full party,” He says, and she closes the book.

“I just want to watch,” She says, placing the book on top of the others. “To see what it’s like.” He bites his lip and smiles.

“Of course, Walker.” He says. “It would be an honour.” She beams at him.

"There's something else I wanted to ask you," she says.

"I'm all ears." She smiles, narrowing her eyes.

"Were you ever going to tell me today is your birthday?' She asks, and he blinks at her. Then, he chuckles, and rubs his jaw.

"It's not a big deal." He says, and she snorts.

"Oh, please," she says. "I don't believe for one second that Eddie Munson’s birthday isn’t the most important day of the entire year.” He laughs heartily.

“I’ve missed you.” He says simply, and she blushes, looking down at her hands. She brings her eyes back up to his own, and smiles.

“Me too.” Her heart skips a beat at the way he was looking at her. “You should’ve told me.” She says, and he tilts his head a little. “I didn’t get you anything.” He smirks.

“Your very presence is a gift in and of itself.” She rolls her eyes, smiling to herself.

♡

Blake was enamoured by Eddie’s ability to throw himself into the role of Dungeon Master, telling the story with incredible detail; he’d jump out of his seat, gesturing wildly and had put on voices of various dramatics. He was unbelievably entertaining, and he’d had her in fits of laughter. She’d never seen this side of him, and if she had any doubt in her mind about how she was feeling about him before this night, she was sure as she’d ever be now; his passion was infectious and she watched him with complete and utter adoration.

After school, she’d helped him set up the room before the others arrived in the early evening to begin. She’d positioned various props as per his instructions, lighting candles and placing chairs around the table. She’d carefully assisted with setting out the board and figurines; their fingers had brushed a couple of times, upon which they’d averted their eyes, cheeks flushed.

Dustin had been delighted to find Blake settled in the seat beside Eddie, and Mike and Lucas had greeted Blake warmly. Eventually, Jeff had rolled in with Gareth and Grant, who were carrying stacks of what they announced was “birthday pizza” - it turns out, you shove the word ‘birthday’ in front of anything and it made it special - just the way Eddie liked it.

And now, a few hours into the game, Blake was completely absorbed in the story and invested in each of their characters. She was dismayed when Mike’s character, the last standing, had taken a heavy blow that wiped out his hit points, sure that the story was over. The entire party had fallen silent, staring glumly at their figurines sprawled across the table.

“It appears that all is lost,” Eddie says quietly, and Dustin leans his head in his hands as he sighs. “When out of the shadows, a stranger appears.” All eyes dart to him. “The icy wind is whipping her long, dark hair around her face,” He continues. “And in her hand, she clutches a resurrection stone.” They all straighten their backs, leaning closer, listening to Eddie with bated breath.

“The ghouls are starting to notice the stranger as she approaches the party,” His voice is quiet, soft, and he knows he’s got them all on the edge of their seats. “She doesn’t have a lot of time. She has one chance to save them, so… what does she do?” Eddie is met with a series of frowns and questioning glances, when he slowly brings his eyes to Blake. She realises that he was describing her character, and her eyes widen. He nods at her, the corner of his lips tugging into a smile, and she licks her lips nervously, wiping her palms on her thighs.

"Okay," she says shakily, the whole table watching her, holding their breaths. "I…" She pauses, and Eddie gently nudges her knee with his own. She takes a deep breath.

"I close my fist around the stone, and I run toward them." The air is thick with anticipation.

"A winged ghoul soars through the air toward you, a clawed hand outstretched as it approaches." He says, and she blinks at him.

"I-" She pauses. "I dodge?" Eddie smiles, handing her a dice with 20 sides, and she rolls. He glances at the dice, then up at her.

"You evade the creature," He says, and the group heave a sigh of relief. "You roll across the dirt, quickly leaping back to your feet." Blake positively beams at him.

"I keep running-" She begins, but Eddie cuts her off with a gasp.

"There's too many of them," He says, voice full of concern, grasping his chest dramatically. "This cloaked stranger is running out of time, the ghouls and demons are circling her, closing in-"

"I throw the stone!" Blake interrupts, and Eddie grins. "I throw the stone, knowing I won't make it." Eddie nudges the dice towards her and she grasps it tightly.

"You pull back your arm," Eddie says slowly, the others around the table leaning in. "You fix your gaze upon the fallen warriors, mere seconds to take your chance." All eyes turn to her, and she rolls the dice. Eddie looks down at it for a moment, and Blake is sure that time itself stops.

"You launch the stone, watching in utter desperation as it soars through the air," Eddie says. "You are suddenly enveloped in darkness, completely surrounded," he continues, and Blake's eyes widen.

"All hope is lost," He says quietly, and the group slump. He watches them, before jumping to his feet. "Or so you think!" He yells, and everyone's eyes snap up to him. "The stone crashes into the middle of the circle of warriors, its immense power exploding and filling the cave with a brilliant white light!" All at once, they begin to cheer, pounding the table excitedly with their fists and Blake finds herself squealing. He raises a hand and they fall silent, staring at him intensely.

"The light fades… darkness returns… and one by one, the fallen warriors draw in the breath of life, returning to this world, for their quest is not over yet!" He announces, and they erupt. "12 hit points are restored to each of you!" She laughs in total delight, turning to Dustin and hugging him as they jump up and down.

"You did it!" He exclaimed, and Blake covered her mouth with her hands.

"I can't believe it!" She says, and Mike and Lucas high five each other as Jeff, Gareth and Grant eagerly place all figurines upright on the board.

Blake glances at Eddie to find him smiling at her, a look in his eyes she couldn't identify.

His heart was positively soaring.

♡

Amidst all of the excitement, Eddie had decided that it felt like a good place to end the session for that night. And so began the clean up operation, and Dustin, Mike and Lucas were the first to leave, followed closely by Jeff, Gareth and Grant.

“You ridin’ with us, birthday boy?” Jeff had asked on their way out of the room, slinging his backpack over his shoulder. Blake had glanced at Eddie, before standing upright and setting down the pizza boxes on the table.

“I could give you a ride,” She’d said, and Eddie had smiled broadly at her.

“I’m good.” He’d told Jeff. “See you guys tomorrow.” They’d saluted their Dungeon Master, and left the two of them to finish clearing things up.

A short while later, they were in Blake’s car, heading to the other side of town with the radio playing quietly. She had been talking his ear off about the campaign, about how exciting it was and that it had felt so real.

“It was so fun,” She says, and he chuckles. “I loved it.”

Eddie knew that he hadn’t exactly followed the rules, but was it worth it to keep the campaign alive and give her a little taste of the game? Absolutely.

“I’m glad you enjoyed it.” He says simply, watching her with soft eyes as she flashed him a grin and tucked her hair behind her ear. Then, her eyes widen momentarily, and she gasps as she reaches for the radio.

“I love this song!” She says, turning up the volume with an excited jig just as the chords of Take On Me by a-ha begin. Eddie groans loudly from the passenger seat, and she flashes him a wicked grin before she starts singing along.

"We're talking away, I don't know what I am to say, I'll say it anyway,"

"Please stop," he begs, though he's smiling at her and she ignores him, continuing to sing loudly.

"Today's another day to find you, shying away," she reaches across to Eddie and clutches his arm dramatically. "I'll be coming for your love, okay?" He laughs heartily, and she grips the steering wheel.

"Take on me," she sings. "Take me on!"

"Blake!" Eddie pleads.

"I'll be gone," She continues, and Eddie laughs heartily. "I forgot how high it was," she says, taking a deep breath. "In a day or two!" She starts laughing, and turns the music down. "God, I‘ll never get tired of that song." She says, and he shakes his head, smiling adoringly at her as she turns into Forest Hills Trailer Park.

"We have got to work on your taste in music."

She spots his van parked outside of a trailer about halfway down the trailer park, and pulls up in front before shutting off the engine. She wishes desperately that he didn’t have to get out of the car.

“I’m really glad you came,” He says, pulling her from her thoughts.

“Me too,” She says. “I’d love to come along again.” He smiles.

“I’d like that.” He pauses, glancing at his watch. "D'you wanna come inside? It's not that late-"

"Yes." She says before he can finish, and he grins, opening the door.

"Come on," he says, getting out of the car. She follows him up to the door to the trailer, watching him fish his keys out of his pocket and unlock the door. He holds it open for her and she steps inside, immediately taken aback by the vast number of baseball caps adorning the wall.

"A hobby of yours?" She asks, and he snorts as he drops his keys into a small bowl and shrugs off his jacket.

"My uncle." He says, and she nods. The trailer was warm, comfortably lived in, and smelled faintly of cigarettes. “Here,” He holds out a soda from the fridge, pulling out a beer for himself. She takes the can, letting their fingers brush over each other before turning her attention to an open door at the end of the short hall as heat slowly filled her cheeks.

She knows immediately that it’s his bedroom, and wanders over, peering around the door and smiling. God, it was so Eddie. The walls were covered in band posters, his guitar was hung up on the wall, displayed proudly; there was an ashtray on a side table, and a lot of his junk was strewn around the room.

"Uh," he says from her side, beer in hand. "This is… my room." She smiles, looking at him and silently asking permission. He gestures to the room and she steps in. She sits on his bed, and spots an open tin with what looked like weed inside. He realises that seeing Blake in his room was very much something he could get used to.

“Hey,” She says, and he looks at her, leaning on the doorframe. “Can I ask you something?”

“Of course.” She pauses.

“Why do you sell drugs?” He hums, pushing off the door and heading over to her.

"I dunno," he says, sitting on the bed beside her. "Money's good, I guess. I try to help out my uncle as much as I can." She nods.

"And do you…" she trails off, and he tilts his head. "Do you do drugs?" He laughs.

"I smoke weed, but that's about it. I'm not really into much else." She nods, playing with the cap on her soda can.

"I've never tried it." She admits.

"No?" She shakes her head. "Do you want to?" She hesitates, and looks at him.

"I'm curious," she says. "But a little… scared." He smiles sweetly.

"There's nothing to be scared of," he says. "If you want to, you're safe to try it with me."

She thinks about it for a moment, then smiles coyly. “I’d like to see what it’s like.”

“Say no more.” He says, heading over to the dresser and she watches as he meticulously rolls a joint, particularly taken by the way he slowly licks the paper before sealing it. He lights the end, inhales, and holds the joint out to her and she stares at it. He blows the smoke out to the side.

"You don't have to," he says, and she blushes a little.

"It's not that, I…" she chews on her bottom lip. "I don't know how." He smiles and returns to her side.

"That's okay. You just breathe it in, like this," he takes another drag, demonstrating, and she watches his lips and her heart skips a beat. Exhaling the smoke, he holds the joint out to her again, and she stares at it. She reaches for it, but stops herself. He pulls it back and tilts his head.

"I have an idea. You don't have to smoke this if you don't want to," he says, shifting a little closer to her. "There's another way."

"Okay," She shifts to face him, crossing her legs beneath her. "What do I do?"

"Just breathe in when I blow out the smoke, 'kay?" He says, and she frowns a little with confusion. He shifts, tucking a leg under himself and facing her. He takes a long drag of the joint, and leans in. Her heart leaps when she realises and she parts her lips as Eddie slowly blows the smoke into her mouth. She inhales as instructed, staring at his lips, heart thundering and desperately trying not to think about closing the gap between them.

"Now blow it out," he says, sitting back, and she does so. She feels light headed, a tingling sensation running through her body and settling in the tips of her fingers. She could feel the heat in her cheeks, but it wasn't the weed - she realised, then, that his hand was on her knee, and her mouth went dry.

"You okay?" He asked, words laced with amusement, and she laughed nervously.

"I think I feel something." She says, and he chuckles, patting her knee.

"This stuff isn't too strong, just enough to give you a little buzz." He leans over to the bedside cabinet, flicking the ash into the ashtray.

"Can we do it again?" She asks, and he grins.

"Sure." He says, shuffling a little closer so that their knees were touching. Her hands were in her lap, and as he took another long drag, she absentmindedly placed her hands on his leg. He leaned in, this time gently holding her jaw and blowing the smoke out slowly. She inhaled, her head spinning; he was so close. She realised suddenly how intimate it was, how it felt like the most natural thing in the world.

Eddie wanted nothing more than to throw caution to the wind and just kiss her. Her lips were right there, and they'd be on his own if he just leaned in. His heart was hammering in his chest, and he was terrified she'd hear it. Her skin was so soft, and he couldn't help himself; he stroked his thumb over her jaw, and he could've sworn she leaned into his touch.

"Blow it out," he says, realising she'd been holding it. She does so, eyes fluttering. He could feel her grip tightening on his leg.

It doesn't mean anything, he thought, his eyes focused on her lips.

"Eddie," she whispers, and his heart jolts.

"Yeah?" He says quietly, looking up at her. She smiles, her cheeks flushed.

"I'm definitely feeling something now." She says, and he chuckles, dropping his hand from her face.

Her skin felt cold without his touch. He might as well be a million miles away, and she pushed down the disappointment pooling in her gut.

"Mission accomplished," he says, leaning over to stub out the joint. She watched him, utterly enamoured, and sighed.

"You're so pretty, Eddie," she says, and his eyes snap to hers, freezing for a moment before settling back down on the bed.

"What?" He chokes out, and she smiles, reaching out to brush her fingers through his gorgeous hair.

"So pretty." She mumbles, trailing her fingertips over his cheek, along his jaw. He stared at her, then it registered what she said.

Pretty.

He laughed heartily, and she withdrew her hand as her brows knitted together. God, she was adorable.

"What's so funny?" She asks, and he tries to stop laughing, tears in his eyes.

"You're high, sweetheart." He says, and her brow relaxes. She smiles and lays back on his bed with a sigh.

"Maybe I am." He chuckles, climbing over her to flop on the bed beside her, looking up at the ceiling.

Blake Walker was in his bed right now, high as a kite and thinking that he, Eddie Munson, was pretty. He chuckles to himself, shaking his head - you can't make this shit up.

Blake stretched her legs out, rolling onto her side and breathing in Eddie's smell. She wanted it to rub off on her clothes, so she could smell like him, only him.

He turned his head to the side, looking down at her.

"You okay, cupcake?" He asks playfully, and she beams up at him. Pet names. She loved his pet names. She nods, and he opens an arm - an invitation.

She shuffles into his side, lying her head on his chest, slowly running her hand over his stomach to hug his body close to hers, and brought her leg up a little. Her thigh brushed his crotch and he inhaled sharply.

Don't think about it. Don't think about it. Don't think about it.

She hummed happily, and he brought his arm down and around her shoulders, tracing patterns over her skin with his fingertips, the other tucked comfortably behind his head.

After a few moments, he realises that she's fallen asleep, and he lays there with the girl of his dreams wrapped up in his arms, in utter disbelief.

He isn't sure how much time goes by, just laying there with her. He lets her sleep for a while, watching her breathe slowly, nestled perfectly into his side. She'd never looked more beautiful than she did right there, wrapped up in him. His heart jolts. He didn't know what this feeling was, but he never wanted to lose it. Never wanted to lose her.

Eventually, he checks his watch, and decides he should wake her. It was getting late, and figured she'd probably need to head home soon. He gently squeezes his arm around her.

"Hey," he says quietly, and she grumbles, lifting her leg higher and squeezing her arm around him.

"Come on, my little koala bear," he cooes, and she smiles, opening her eyes and looking up at him.

"It's late," he says, barely above a whisper. "D'you need to head home?"

I don't want to leave, she thinks. I want to stay here, with you. She glances at his lips. I want you to kiss me.

She waits for a moment, before slowly sitting up. "What time is it?" He props himself up on his elbows.

"Almost 10." She snorts, rubbing her face with her hands.

"Yeah, I need to go." She swings her legs over the side of the bed, getting to her feet and stretching. He shamelessly watches her shirt ride up a little, letting his eyes run over the bare skin above her hips. She glances over her shoulder.

"You checking me out, Munson?" She asks playfully.

"Yep." He says bluntly, and she laughs, colour flooding her cheeks as he slides out of the bed, grinning wickedly and offering her a wink before slipping by her and heading out of the room. She takes a deep breath, willing her heart to slow down, and follows him.

"You okay to drive home?" He asks.

"I think so." She says, unsure if the warmth she felt was the drugs in her system or the way Eddie was looking at her. He considers her for a moment before grabbing a pen, and he takes her hand. He writes a phone number on the back of her hand, as she had done to him,

"Call me when you get home, okay?" Her eyes are fixed on his fingers, still clasping her own, and she slowly brings her eyes up to his. "So I know you're safe." He smiles, and she swallows hard, nodding before gently pulling her hand away and turning to the door. She steps out into the cool night air, and he tries to steady his nerves as he follows her to her car.

Kiss her, he thinks. Just kiss her.

"So," he says, hands in his pockets as she fishes her keys out of her bag, and looks up at him, tucking her hair behind her ear. His heart positively leaped - christ, she's beautiful - and he clears his throat. "Uh, you'll call me?" She smiles.

"I promise." His lips curl up.

"Alright," He says. She waits. He leans down to kiss her cheek. "See you later."

She blushes furiously, a wry smile curling her lips. She glances at his lips, willing herself to find the courage to kiss him like she'd desperately wanted to for weeks now. When she meets his eyes again, he smiles wide, dimples and all.

Kiss her, he thinks again. Just lean in and kiss her.

But he was frozen. And after a few moments of silence, she unlocks her car and opens the door.

"Goodnight, Eddie." She says, and gets in. Words die in his throat and he simply waves as she turns the ignition and drives away.

He kicks himself for chickening out; what was wrong with him? Why couldn't he just do it? He watches her car disappear up the street and lets out a breath.

He swears to himself that the next chance he gets, he's going to do it: he’s going to tell her how he feels, and kiss her. He couldn’t be imagining the connection between them, the electricity and tension - he prayed it wasn’t all in his head.

Blake somehow manages the drive home, though she was entirely absentminded. She'd rolled the window down, enjoying the cool breeze on her face, and had thought of the feel of his lips on her cheek. The warmth that radiated from him, the dizzying nature of his beautiful smile.

Her lips had turned up, and she'd sighed, eager to pick up the phone and hear his voice again.

When she finally arrives home, she locks her bedroom door and sits down at her desk. She grabs a blank study card, and copies Eddie's phone number on it. It takes her a moment to realise she'd doodled a little heart next to his name, and felt her cheeks flush; God, she was like a little school girl with a crush. She picks up the phone, dialling his number.

"You made it home in one piece," He says upon answering the call, and she grins.

"I don't remember how I got here." She says, and he laughs heartily.

"Note to self, no more drugs for Walker." She giggles, and stifles a yawn. "Get some sleep, okay?" He says, and she smiles.

"Okay." She pauses. "Hey, Eddie?"

He hums.

"Happy birthday." She says, and her voice is liquid velvet in his ears. He bites his lip, grinning ear to ear.

"Best birthday ever." He says, and she presses her lips together, fighting the smile that was stretching across her face.

"Night." Is all she can say.

"Goodnight, sweetheart." She ends the call and stares down at the heart she'd drawn next to his name.

Yeah, that about sums it up, she thinks, and gets up from her desk with a content sigh.

⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻

Tag list♡ @eruroraiito @magicalchocolatecheesecake @eddington-munson @bitchynicole @unluckyopossum @munsonmadness @captainkidd929 @stardancerluv @eddiemsrings @maryan028 @darlingbravebelle @thikkiesixx

let me know if you want to be tagged 💕

[soulrph]

Re: Your answer to OP about being overwhelmed with drafts and your tags to it. Sometimes we need to just need to hear that everything will be okay because it's so easy to forget <3

sometimes, when we look at everything going on in our personal lives and the world around us, it can be really, really easy to apply a similar level of stress and pressure to the things that are meant to keep us calm and relaxed. my mam got me one of those "picture a day" books where you colour in a picture each day until it's filled in, and i actually ended up crying with pure frustration when i couldn't do it for a week and i tried doing all eight pictures in the space of an hour!

(this got super long under the cut JIUASDFBFDAS but there's a huge essay on feelings and the dash belong the readmore! )

we have a tendency to believe that we're SUPPOSED to be keeping on top of everything. but think about it. we have lives behind the screen. some of us have family and friends, some of us have school or jobs to consider, and as i have said since about 2016, IT'S BEEN A REALLY ROUGH YEAR!! we're all exhausted! we're all burnt out! but as the pandemic has proven relentlessly, and we just seem determined not to listen to this, we are all unique in how we handle stress. during the early months, my brother became a total movie buff. loved all the classics, all the westerns, all the movies he could find. i enjoyed writing, but i actually preferred sudoku? no idea why or how, but i clung to sudoku and cookery for all those months. i know people who gardened, baked, painted, sculpted, started businesses, i know people who just rested and napped and relaxed for months on end, and you know what's really spectacular, nonnie? we are all still here, and back at the new normal we knew would come one day.

everything will be okay. i promise you. no matter how shitty you think it is, and god knows, we've all had days where we know it's been unfathomably awful, but it does get better. i quit my job three days ago after just two weeks of working there. i also handed in two weeks notice after two weeks at another job. it's all fine now! it sucks, but after a moment, you recover, and you move forward! i've completed two degrees, that's four years of essays, exams and deadlines, and people have constantly taken my absences and my silences as well as my activity. everything will be okay. there's nothing wrong with being upset and scared by the stuff we see on the news, or the stuff that happens in our lives, in our spaces. there's absolutely nothing wrong with you for having emotions that aren't tranquil and happy. toxic positivity belongs in the trash can. don't ever beat yourself up over the ways that those emotions manifest themselves! emotions are fickle and weird, that's always been a fact! i cried when i dropped a carton of garlic mayonnaise last week at work. no idea why, but it happened, and i'm cool with that, because it wasn't the garlic mayonnaise that upset me, it was just another thing on a really big pile of stuff, right? it's okay to cry and be upset and stressed by stuff.

but here's the thing.

it's okay to feel scared. and it's okay to be panicked. it doesn't matter what you're afraid of anymore. you're not being silly, i swear to god, you're not, i promise you. but at the end of the day, you are not alone. your friends and family are with you. you are loved and supported, and you might need to take off for a few months, and that's okay, because you're doing that to help yourself, and to be safe and to come back when you're able for the dash. there's nothing wrong with that. there's nothing wrong with hiatuses, or deleting your inbox, or archiving your blog fifty times in a year, or getting rid of all your starter calls and drafts. there's nothing wrong with any of that! you wanna know why?? because this is a feckin COMMUNITY!! and i will say that until my final breath, because god help us, lads, we all forget that, don't we? this is a COMMUNITY. we are a family, each and every single one of us. we might be in different fandoms, we might have different views and opinions, but the day that someone decides they won't support their friends through a brief hiatus or a spring clean or revamp of their blog, is the day that they no longer belong in that person's family. we all deserve people who love and support us throughout the changes and transformations we make. and the changes we make on a silly blog on tumblr are just the tiniest drops in the ocean.

delete your drafts. empty your inbox. take a hiatus. if that's what you want, or do whatever you like, and for the love of god, nonnie, friends, loved ones, please, never ever EVER feel a single shadow of guilt for looking after yourself. your family will be here for you when you return from your hiatus. and if someone decides not to be there, then that's okay, too. that's them, okay? that's not you. you do what you gotta do to be happy and healthy. and everything will be okay. but that doesn't mean we aren't entitled to feel stuff that isn't okay.

[fishklok]

would it be annoying if I asked for advice? If so, ignore this ask

But like how do you make time for yourself while applying for law school? How do you have time to constantly make this amazing fanart and fics? Just asking bc I'm a college freshman and I'm losing it like I don't have time to do anything anymore!! Like shit man I just wanna draw mtl fanart and chill but literally college takes up 95% of my time. Good luck with law school btw and I apologize if this like asking TOO much

It's not annoying at all, happy to help :)

It helps that applying to law school hasn't really taken up that much of my time. At least when compared to when I was a full time employee/student. Writing my personal statements/essays did take some time, but not enough to prevent me from doing other shit too. When I actually start law school, I highly doubt I'll be able to post much of anything.

But when I was studying for the LSAT, I did have to carve out large chunks of my free time that I would normally use to write/draw to study instead. And just a few weeks ago, I took an entire day to apply to as many law schools as I could in 8 hours (pro tip: don't do that).

When it comes to taking time for myself, it really came down to recognizing my own mental needs and limits. I used to play a lot of video games, but gaming isn't really something my mind "needs" to decompress. I've been way too busy to touch any of my games, but it's really not a big deal. On the other hand, running is something I need to do. I could be absorbed into a drawing or a piece of writing or even cooking breakfast, but if that voice in my head goes "you need to go run now", I have to do it. When I'm unable to run, my mental health plummets. So that's something I can't remove from the list. And drawing/writing is somewhere between those two extremes. Drawing isn't really something I do to relax, so I can go a day or two without drawing anything. But writing is now part of my bedtime ritual. Even if it's just an extra 200-400 words, the day doesn't feel complete until I write. I can skip a day if I'm truly beaten down, but I try to avoid that.

I hope this all makes sense and sorry if this doesn't truly answer the question. I can try to put some more actionable advice together.

As I said, recognize your own needs and limits. If you're burnt out from school and writing/art will only make you feel worse, don't force it. Taking time for yourself doesn't have to involve production.

Inspiration/motivation comes in waves. I spent most of July and August barely able to finish little doodles and drawing felt like the biggest chore. Now, I'm past that hurdle and I can spend an entire free day drawing without feeling like I'm pushing myself.

I hate myself for giving this advice, but planners. I have ADHD so trust me, I hate the "get a day planner!" advice, but...it has really helped. It was more helpful pre-pandemic when I was physically going to class, but I would make a habit of writing down everything I have coming up so when I get anxious about deadlines, I can read my planner and know exactly how many days I have to do it. I usually used my planner for deadlines, but some people (my dad) will plan out their days by the hour. Right now, I mostly use my personal discord server where I'll jot down notes or things I have to remember. Whichever is helpful to you, but having a concrete thing that says "this is what you have to do and how much time you have to do it" can take a lot off my shoulders personally. Because if you have all these abstract deadlines and obligations clouding your mind it can be very easy to get overwhelmed. But if they're listed out, it's easier to go "okay, so the most pressing thing I have isn't due for a week and I'm already halfway done. I'm going to draw now."

To clarify, none of this day-planning stuff came naturally to me at all lol. It took over a decade of me missing real deadlines and panicking over nonexistent ones for me to finally develop a system. And even then I don't always stick to it as well as I should lol.

Sorry this got rambly and I worry I'm not being that helpful. But I hope at least some of my advice is useful.

[wellpresseddaisy]

Those Cunning Folk

Part 6

Harry let his new guardian usher him off the train a short time later, and blinked when they made for the taxi rank. He thought they might walk or take the Tube. Ten minutes later, they exited the taxi right outside the Leaky Cauldron.

"There are other ways in, of course, but it's easiest from here." The explanation offered very little actual information.

Harry had so many questions, but he resolved to ask them later. He didn't want to be a pest. He followed Cadw through the pub and out into Diagon Alley. It looked…right. Vibrant and colorful and bursting with life. No gray concrete or paved streets or anything like that intruded on the shopping district.

They didn't stay on the main Alley for long. Cadw ducked down a side street Harry hadn't noticed on his first trip and led the way past all sorts of signs advertising specialized healers and herbalists and apothecaries. They stopped outside "Matley's Eye Care Emporium - Exams, Glasses Made to Order, Special Care for Difficult Cases".

"The family's been coming here for ages. You wouldn't believe what shocking eyesight the Black family has, on the whole." Cadw smiled down at the overwhelmed child next to him.

"Really? Aunt Petunia always blamed my dad." Harry followed Cadw into the shop, blinking against the light when the door swung shut behind them.

He'd expected a dimly lit and dusty place, like most of the other shops he'd been in, but it was bright and clean. A man in a old-fashioned white coat, like the kind doctors wore in old pictures with a high collar, stood behind a wooden counter.

"Matley, hello." Cadw began.

"Well, if it isn't Mr. Du finally come back to us from the wilds of Wales." Matley spoke sternly, but the twinkle in his eye told a different tale. "Always were a difficult one, ruining your eyesight, poring over books in bad light."

"Matley," Cadw observed drily to Harry. "Thinks that anything less well-lit than his own shop is injurious to one's vision."

"And so it might be. Now, are you here for yourself or for this young man?" He came around the counter and Harry saw that he wasn't as old as his way of speaking made him sound. 

He was maybe the same age or a bit older than Cadw, with much lighter hair and brown eyes. He moved slowly and carefully, not making any sudden jolts anywhere. 

"We're here for Harry. I don't think his Aunt quite knew which glasses he needed." A polite lie could cover most embarrassment. 

"Have you had an eye exam before? A magical one?" Matley sounded much too excited.

"Er, no sir. I had to look at a chart at school once. From across the room." Harry confided.

"I've done that too, but not at school. I went over to see what non-magical exams were like a few years back. It's so interesting how magic and technology can do the same things in different ways." He led the way back behind the counter as he spoke. "Now, for a magical exam, I need you to hold a few runestones. There are also some spells, so I'll have my wand pointed at your face for a few moments. If you don't like it, please ask me to stop. I got kicked three times last week."

"That's awful!" Harry blurted out. "I won't kick."

"I thought I could count on you. Now, the spells and the runestone work together to create the lenses you need. How many pairs will we make today?" He turned back to Cadw to ask.

"Four, please. We'll keep some at home for you, Harry, just in case someone finds a way to break Matley's enchantments." 

Four pairs of lenses meant four pairs of glasses. Harry bit his lip. He thought glasses might be expensive, which was why Aunt Petunia just gave him this pair, but he had no idea. He knew that a few classmates got in terrible trouble for breaking theirs. He held himself still as Matley waved a wand in his face. It only took a minute or two and he really wondered why people would kick.

"Now, we put the runestone in the circle and it'll do the rest."

Harry gave the stone over and watched the man slot it into a hole in the center of a golden circle on the nearest counter. Matley tapped out with his wand and a glowing dome came up around the whole. 

"This will take a few minutes. Did you know that at one time you'd have to sit very still because the runestone had to be atop your head? It's the absolute truth, Mr. Potter. Terrible trouble we had with some, you know, as they had very round sorts of heads." Matley prattled as he tidied a few things away.

Harry giggled at that.

"Yes, you may think it funny when you're not the one trying to balance a stone on a round head! I do have a question for you, young sir, before we get to your frames. Have you ever been sick and it looked like you had green, scaly patches and you sneezed sparks?" 

Harry stopped to think. "Aunt Petunia said that was a dream!"

Cadw twitched convulsively and seemed to grip the nearest counter very hard.

"It was dragon pox, my good young sir. I had hoped you might just have the Black eyesight, but untreated dragon pox left you with some damage. I can make you glasses that will have you seeing as well as anything, but I can't heal up what the pox left." Matley sounded a bit sad about that.

"Oh." Harry hadn't really thought about that in ages. "Maybe Aunt Petunia didn't know?"

"Probably not, lad. Would you like to go out to the front to pick out some frames? Just whichever ones you like best." 

Harry nodded. This felt like even more of a dream than sparking sneezes! He slid off the seat and made for the front.

----

Matley turned to Cadw, a grim expression on his face. 

"Someone's also whacked him in the head with something hard. His magic healed it, what it could, but there are limits. Where was he?"

"With his mother's people." Cadw answered quietly. "Anything else?"

"He hasn't been fed properly. That's mostly solvable, but it looks like his magic stopped him growing to save that energy for keeping him alive and intelligent. He won't likely be as tall as he could have been." Matley admitted. "I may have gone a bit far on the diagnostics, but if you won't tell the Healer's board then neither will I."

"I won't say a word. I'd rather you winkled it all out than someone who might talk, honestly. He'll be cared for now, and properly. I…thank you. You were very good with him. I don't think he's used to kindness." That a child Harry's age wasn't used to people being kind boiled his blood.

"He's a nice boy, I think. Better behaved than most of the ones we get in here, in any case. The lenses are done if you want to go out to Mr. Potter." Matley wanted a moment to compose himself. No child should have to heal a fractured skull at age four. Four! He was still a baby!

"Thank you." Cadw wanted, more than anything, ten minutes of his own childhood nanny telling him it would be alright. He knew it would be, but that was down to him. 

He exited the back of the shop to find Harry considering his choices very seriously. 

"What looks best to you?" Cadw asked.

Harry startled, but didn't whirl around. 

"I like these." He pointed to dark green frames that looked as if they'd been fashioned out of vine, rectangular rather than round. "They feel warm in my hand. But…isn't wood too delicate?"

"Not with the spells we have. We can have all four made the same, unless you prefer something like this." Face perfectly serious, he handed over frames in puce, studded with rhinestones.

Harry giggled at the sight of them. 

"Or these, perhaps." Cadw showed Harry more frames, this time with enormous eyebrows and a moustache attached. "These would certainly lend an air to your countenance."

That got him a belly laugh. When Harry's mirth died down to occasional giggles, he managed,

"I think just the wooden ones. They felt the best."

"Excellent choice. We'll have all four made alike. And if you decide you'd like something different, we can come back." 

"Thank you. I…thank you." 

"And I can make up a pair right now for you that you can wear out. Ah, the English Ivy frames. Excellent choice, Mr. Potter." Matley appeared from the back, carrying one pair of lenses. "Standard Black package, Mr. Du?" 

"Yes, thank you."

Harry watched in rapt attention as Matley pulled out his wand and started the delicate task of transferring lenses into frames. With a final, bright flare, they fused. Matley cast a few more spells on the glasses before he handed them over. 

"These should be unbreakable, unscratchable, unfoggable, ungrabbable, able to adjust the light so it's comfortable for you, and will grow a bit with you. Try them on?"

Harry took his own glasses off and settled the new ones on his nose. They slipped sideways.

"Just give it a minute. They have to size to your face." Matley reassured him.

Harry waited as so, so slowly, the glasses resized for him. When they stopped, he looked around in wonder.

"I can see everything! This is going to make everything so much better! Thank you!" He beamed up at his guardian.

"You're welcome, Harry. Matley, could you have the rest sent to Black House?" 

"They'll be there for you this afternoon. Enjoy your new glasses, Mr. Potter, and study hard at school."

"Oh, I will. Thank you Mr. Matley!" He wanted to run all over as they exited the shop and just look at things. Nothing had ever been so clear or so easy to see before. 

"Now, shall we be off to the bank?" Cadw asked. "We can come back this way after and you can look at anything you like. We have plenty of time today to just wander, if you'd like."

"Really?" Harry asked, not believing his luck. Aunt Petunia would never do something like that.

"Of course we can. I remember my first pair of glasses from Matley's. I think I drove my mother distracted wanting to see everything."

"Then the bank first." Harry nodded decidedly. His new uncle understood and he could wait a little bit.

[drinkjanola]

yeah so basically i'm gonna lose it soon probably. i think i'm finally ready to give up on my current "successes", like having a job and semi-functioning. i'm ready to get in contact with the crisis line, possibly end up in a mental health facility, and get better. i was diagnosed as autistic at 10. i've received little to no support over the years. the most support i have is through funding, which has given me an iphone, an ipad, an apple watch, and a pair of galaxy buds when i still had a samsung. it'll allow me to claim back certain travel expenses, and go to things like concerts to improve my quality of life. but i never received support in my education. support in learning how to unmask. i even went to a private special education school because it was the only place i could cope with. guess what? i masked the whole time. i didn't learn shit because my teacher didn't want to acknowledge that i finally understood my sensory needs a little more. she thought i was lazy but i couldn't do my school work in the classroom i was shoved into. that school, by the way, is shutting down soon because they were doing so rough financially. they may have failed me but they didn't fail a lot of their higher needs students.

so, as us autistics know, when left undiagnosed and untreated/neglected for too long, no accommodations in sight, what happens? that's right! other shit develops! i have symptoms that align with bpd now. it could just be the autistic burnout doing abnormal shit, but it's definitely in-line with how bpd can appear, and i even have childhood trauma to accompany that. there's other folks out there who end up with other cluster-b disorders, other various mental illnesses, but the fact that i was diagnosed at an early enough age to actually prevent this... and i'm ending up like everyone else that had a late diagnosis? it's so depressing. it makes me so upset. they caught it early. and i knew i had autism from the age of ten. but since i was "smart" and "performed well at school" and i was "well behaved", i never got assistance because it made me not eligible for anything like a teacher aide, like the non-verbal and high support needs student just across the class from me had all day. he got all the support he needed, which he should've, just because his disability was visible. i got ignored because i had "aspergers" and "was high functioning".

i don't remember ever having a good enough break from school, or more recently work, to where i could rest. where i could recover from my burnout. i got maybe a month and a half during summer school holidays as a kid during school. and two weeks between terms. but now that i'm working, even if it's only part time, i never take that two weeks off because i can't afford to. i don't get that month and a half off because i can't afford to. my old workplace was accommodating, but my fixed term ended at the end of february. my current workplace, with all its confusing and overwhelming bullshit, also required me to explain to my manager what autism is. she didn't even bother to google it between our first and second interview.

i'm going to work tomorrow, to cover a shift. then thursday, i'll be gathering all my necessary shit together to hopefully apply for a benefit. then, after my work week is finished, i'll have my mum call the crisis line for me, to see if i can organize going to a mental health facility before i lose my mind entirely. i can feel it getting worse, the autistic burnout i never got a chance to recover from. i've probably been experiencing the same burnout that i've never recovered from for, i'd like to say at least seven or eight years? since i was a child? it'd always just come back and bite me in the ass again after a while. summer holidays were never really enough, i need a year or two off. and i need my mental health back in order.

[steamishot]

3 year anniversary 😵‍💫

i had totally forgotten until today, but it had just passed my 3 year anniversary of living in NYC on 9/11. that's crazy. this is now 3/4 of the time i spent in college lol. i guess i'm a junior now.

we (mostly i) drove to boston last thursday. it was about a 5.5-6 hour drive due to the traffic. my laptop was on in the backseat with the mouse jiggler on. matt had just got off 9 days of working straight and was ded. the first night, we had AYCE shabu which was recommended by matt's coworker. it was just OK and our stomachs didn't feel too well the day after. we checked into the hyatt in cambridge (thanks chase points again), and was very close to MIT. there was a sign welcoming MIT parents because it was the back to school era. the hotel was situated across from the charles river, and we got to creepily watch smart looking people run along this river from our room. we opted to park our car 0.8 miles away in a different lot to save money ($40 vs $95 for two nights).

on friday, we met my reddit friend K in her condo in cambridge. i remember her to be meek and softspoken when she was in NYC for a short period, but she was quite the opposite in cambridge. now i understood it as her being overwhelmed in nyc because of all the stimulation, which caused her to shut down a little. anyway, her voice was a little louder than i remember haha, and her presence was a bit intense that i became quite shy. i got to meet her two cats and her bf M, who ended up hanging out with us for the majority of the time.

because K and M are both very intellectual (hello cambridge), matt really enjoyed conversing with them. M kind of embodies an altruistic jewish man with SF tech culture. M has an open library project, is anti-consumerist, and often wears a purple shirt with his name and QR code to his website. he keeps a public spreadsheet of his goals since 2015 and told us he's done 80K pushups. we walked around cambridge, went to an ice cream shop, linen shop, and a tea shop. then we chilled a bit at her condo where he made us some tea. got yummy udon at the nearby lesley university, and then went to a brewery afterwards. it was a long hangout, lol!

right after this hangout, i felt really self-conscious. i was the least accomplished one and honestly felt like the dumbest one in the group. they're (more so her) quick on their feet, decisive/opinionated, and can churn out thoughtful intelligent responses in seconds. her condo had a tiny TV, but many books and board games. she texted me after the hangout saying it was so nice meeting us and she appreciates me for going to visit her. i was dealing with my own feelings of unworthiness, and feeling like i don't quite fit in. i also usually don't see the intellectual side of matt often because he's totally drained from work and doesn't want to do more thinking outside of work. he had more of the spotlight because they were interested in his career. i felt like i didn't have much to share.

i felt self-conscious for a whole day afterwards, and felt weird responding to her texts, even though we chat so often (over text, reddit, and IG). i kinda wondered if we would even be friends organically if we didn't already have such deep chats via the internet. i finally got over that mental hump of not being worthy enough, and began chatting with her like normal again. instead of feeling unworthy, i tried to shift my perspective to feel lucky and inspired to have such intelligent company who i can learn things from.

matt and i also got to stay in the machimoodus getaway cabin in connecticut for the first time for two nights. i'm keeping a google sheet of the number of countries and states i've been to. so far, it's 18 countries and 18 US states. i didn't count the ones that were just layovers/pass throughs. we got into a frustrating argument in the car ride there, which i understand is all based on emotions. he's pretty much ded after the longer work week + one whole day of socializing with new people, which made him highly anxious and easily stressed because he had not had any alone/quiet time for a while. so, he gets highly anxious when i'm driving (stop!, slow down!) and i in turn get upset and react negatively to his anxiety because it triggers my anxiety. i get super annoyed at back-seat driving, especially when i'm the better (and more conscious) driver between the two of us.

i know that this was something that was discussed in my therapy session, where i don't have to fix his anxieties, and at the very least, don't need to take it personally. it's a work in progress for the both of us.

the getaway: it's the most secluded glamping site that we've been to. it's semi-luxurious, and not nearly as luxurious as autocamp. autocamp provides very nice dinnerware, a hairdryer, a TV, fast internet, etc. both autocamp and undercanvas had a community area where you can purchase food/drinks and hangout. getaway was much more isolated, and their store is self-service. no hairdryer and the dinnerware is a little cheap. the cabin is actually very tiny and thoughtfully designed (to stow away luggages and shoes). i really enjoyed the giant glass window and the windows throughout the cabin to feel at one with nature. since we had a 4 night package and also wanted to go glamping during the fall foliage season, we booked another two nights in october. K&M may join us (but not sure, as M does not like to spend money).

CT: so beautiful and lush, went to the nearby cat cafe where we were the only asians and they displayed an "antiracism" sign on the door (which i'm guessing that means that racism is prevalent in that area), checked out boho farms and got a pumpkin spice candle, went to the local grocery market twice, and did a short hike at machimoodus state park.

work: my new boss (director) officially announced my promotion yesterday in an email and included what duties will be shifted to my previous manager and my colleague. it's definitely weird to give my old manager work to do? so i'm trying to do as much as i can. there's a lot on my plate right now as i'm taking over compliance management and resolving previous payroll issues, all while still doing majority of the work for the VCP and housestaff populations. i do feel happier though, like that i'm actually looking forward to doing this type of work. it's very introverted and a bit more challenging so i'm excited to give a good impression in my first few months.

[legos-v1]

Today was a hard day. Due to my sleeping schedule being off for the thousandth time in the past year, I took sleep medicine to knock myself out last night. Sure, I get to sleep at a reasonable time, but this medicine seems to always have a side effect of making my depression skyrocket when I wake up.

For the past two years I've been attempting to heal from a traumatic situation. It took me until the beginning of this year to finally find the energy to go to therapy.

I've been to therapy two other times previously, but lucky for me, third time's the charm, I really resonate with my current therapist, so a lot more progress has happened.

But digging through old bones, finding trauma that I didn't even realize was trauma, and intense self-reflection really takes its toll on my mind and body.

But I still have to go to work in the morning.

And today was a hard day.

I tried to get a treat for breakfast this morning, just a coffee and a donut, to try and ease the deluge of depressive thoughts intensely swirling through my brain. All it really did was just warm me up a bit. I received an email from one of my professors, informing me that I did very poorly on an assignment, and must attend a meeting with her later today. This professor has a policy where you fail any assignment, you fail the entire course; I'm sure you could understand that my anxiety has now skyrocketed.

The dreadful anticipation was hard to bear.

Before this meeting, I had a class to attend. Still feeling bad, I decided to go to a vending machine and get a soda as another treat.

The machine took my money and vended nothing. Great.

I ended up walking to a campus store and buying one.

Now attending the class, said soda I bought was upsetting my stomach, on top of the anxiety of aforementioned meeting taking place immediately after this class. Great.

Walking back to my computer, where I would attend this virtual meeting, I took longer than anticipated to cross a busy road, and was now running late to this meeting. Great.

As soon as I attempted to launch Zoom to meet with my professor, my entire computer froze, leading to my professor having to call me on my phone, only for this call to only last a minute or two as my computer started working, making the exchange quite awkward.

Then came possibly the hardest part of the day.

She asked why it was incomplete, and I explained that I simply ran out of time. I gave her the excuse that I'm taking lots of higher-level courses, and it was challenging to balance the workload.

I had to hold back tears avoiding telling her the truth; that I saw myself as a horrible failure for not completing this one assignment. That I'm so overwhelmed, not by just school, but fighting my own brain and its negative thoughts, by everything. It's hard for me to do anything. I can't just infodump my entire personal life onto who is essentially a stranger. I couldn't tell her how completely distraught I was failing this assignment, as failing it meant more than just getting a bad grade. Failing this would mean failing her entire class, and failing her entire class means I can't graduate, and not graduating would force me against the crushing reality that I don't have what it takes to succeed. That no matter how hard I wanted to get this all over with, I'll be forced to endure it even longer. I bet everything that I would graduate this summer, and even structured my future around that. Failing this would mean everything, my entire life, was about to get ten times harder.

And today was already a hard day.

I told her I did not have time to redo the assignment this week, as I already have two other assignments that are due, plus another assignment from her also this week. She essentially forced me to schedule another meeting with her for this weekend to finish it.

Immediately after closing the meeting I just broke down crying. I wanted nothing more than just to go home and sleep.

I didn't have the luxury of sleeping for long, however, because I had another assignment due tonight that I hadn't started yet.

So I just slept for a few hours, got back up, finished that assignment, and here I am, around 11pm, feeling a lot of feelings.

-------------------------------------------------------

If you're reading this, and relate to any of this, I'm sure that you also know that these days are not rare. These days where every little thing just gets to you, and everything just feels so overwhelming. Those days where every coping mechanism doesn't work, every grounding technique is useless, and your mind wins every single time.

A day like this is not the first, and it is far from the last.

Maybe, even today, you're going through a day just like mine.

You are not alone in days like these. And I see phrases like that thrown around to try and be positive, but they always feel empty. "You're not alone! just stop being sad <3"

No, what I want is to show you that you are not alone. I want to prove it to you.

We will all have our rough times, and we will all have our good times.

When the going gets rough, don't be afraid to be vulnerable. Life's too complicated to be going at it alone. Reach out to those you trust, those closest to you, confide in them. Find those people that heal you emotionally, and stick with them. Even occasionally open up to them. You can't keep all your pain locked inside of you; it festers and rots if left untreated.

When you're feeling good, don't forget to share it. Send a message to your friends, a funny image or video, or just strike up a conversation. Doesn't really matter. It's impossible for you to know how someone's day is going without them telling you in some way; some may not want to tell others about it anyway, so don't worry about it. Whether someone's having a good or bad day, it would never hurt to make it even better, no?

Life can seem pretty hopeless a lot of the time. Constantly bombarded by horrible news of horrible things happening. That, on top of what you are personally going through.

We get through it all together. Help others when you can, and, even more importantly, accept the help of others.

Life's too complicated to go at it alone.

[rebeccccccaaa]

ʜᴏʟᴅ ᴀ ʟᴏᴠᴇʀ ᴄʟᴏsᴇ

_________________________________

ғʀᴀᴛ ʙᴏʏ!sᴛᴇᴠᴇ ʀᴏɢᴇʀs x ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ

sᴜᴍᴍᴀʀʏ: you and steve hooked up once and neither of you can forget that night

ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢs: smut 18+ minors dni plz, kinda rough? but of course major fluffy aftercare from soft boi stevie, bit of inexperienced reader and insecure reader

(accidentally written unprotected sex but this is fanfiction lmao plz be safe irl)

ᴀᴜᴛʜᴏʀ’s ɴᴏᴛᴇs: ive never participated in a challenge before and i think @honeysucklesteve is just the sweetest so hope you like it el! And congrats on 4k :T

__________________________________

“And the interesting thing about that, mind I add…” the words of your professor falling short because you can’t shake the feeling of his eyes looking at you.

You kept your head low fighting the urge within you not to look back. A couple nights ago you landed yourself in the bed of the infamous frat president Steve Rogers and to make matters worse, you both major in American Studies meaning you share all of your classes.

You didn’t have much experience with guys in high school so it wasn’t surprising when you had the same experience in college. What was surprising was the fact you spent a night in the arms of one of the most handsome men you’ve ever laid your eyes on. Steve Rogers was a huge catch. Teachers loved him, girls chased him,and guys wanted to be him.

You remember that night so vividly.

The way his hands fit so perfectly on your hips. The way his lips felt so hot against your own burning skin; and moved perfectly against yours. The things he whispered in your ear. They way he held you close when you fell asleep in his arms. The way you hated yourself the next morning when you snuck out. The way your tummy flutters simply because he’s looking at you right now.

You breathed out shakily before turning your head to find his eyes with yours; he looked away the moment you did shyly, very unlike him. Fuck he was gonna be the death of you.

“And that should be the end of the lecture. I’m gonna go ahead let you guys go a little early. Have a good weekend everyone and make sure to check your emails,” the professor gathered his things and left.

You packed your things quickly trying your best to avoid his gaze that you knew was still on you. Steve packed quickly too before walking hot on your tail, just about to call your name until…

“Hey, Y/n,” Bucky called out.

“Oh, hey Buck.”

“It’s the weekend and as usual the guys and I want to party tonight. But the dean said one more noise complaint about our house and we get on academic probation so we’re asking a couple of people who might wanna come to the club with us.”

Behind Bucky you could see Steve walking towards you two and your stomach sank. Bucky and Steve were best friends and you don’t know if Steve told him that you guys slept together last weekend. What if something happens again tonight if you say yes. Why are you even thinking that something could happen again? Steve Rogers is way out of your league it was a miracle that you landed a chance to be his bed warmer in the first place.

“I’ll see you for lunch, man,” Steve said to Bucky patting his best friend's shoulders. His eyes lingering with yours until you had to pull away.

“I don’t think I should,” you told him, walking towards the door.

“Come on, Nat told me you're quite the party animal and you left early last week I didn’t get to see you in action,” Bucky chuckled, walking with you. You didn’t leave early…

“Buck,” you looked at him.

“Please?” he asked. You exhaled sharply rolling your eyes before walking away to your next class.

“Is that a yes?” he shouted, making you turn around with a cheeky grin. You got to your next class and noticed Steve sitting in a new seat today, particularly the one next to the seat you usually sit in. None of his housemates or regular friends took this specific lecture so he usually sat in the very back corner alone. But today here he is.

His head snapped up when you entered the room. You hesitantly sat down next to him still avoiding his eyes. You set up your laptop on the small table as did Steve; both your eyes glancing at each other quite awkwardly until Steve finally interrupts the silence.

“You coming tonight?” he whispered.

“What’s in it for me if I do?” you said playfully.

“A repeat of the best night you’ve ever had,” he said cheekily.

“Oh, really,” you chuckled sarcastically as he nodded with an overly proud smirk.

“Probably not,” you answer his question.

“Seriously? Why not? I can pick you up,” he said.

“Steve,” you warned.

“What? Afraid you won’t be able to resist me?”

“You’re so full of it,” you said, making you both laugh.

“You were full of my dick last week,” he whispered.

“Steve!” you punched his side making him laugh hard enough for other students to take notice of your ruckus.

“Welcome class, we’ll begin the lecture in one minute. I’m just gonna pull it up on the projector,” the professor said rushing in.

“Please come tonight,” he whispered.

“Why are you obsessed with me?” you joked.

“Fuck off,” he chuckled.

“If I say ok, will you shut up for the rest of the lecture?”

“Maybe,” he grinned.

“Then maybe I’ll come,” you smirked.

Throughout the lecture Steve paid absolutely no attention whatsoever. Steve had been thinking about that night just as much as you had. The way your neck craned to the side a bit, reminding him of when he littered marks and bruises all over last week. The way you subtly bit your lip in concentration but all that clouded his mind was lust remembering how you looked so pretty from above when he was settled between your legs.

He wanted you again so badly. He wasn't going to lie, it sort of hurt him when he woke up and you weren't there. He thought maybe there was something between you two, god knows the tension was overwhelming that night. You weren't the most frisky woman he'd been with but you were sweet; slight innocence with your intimacy. He craved you.

Steve leaned towards you, his fingers twiddling with yours. You tried your best to ignore his advances despite how much you equally craved him. He ran his nose along your cheek and jaw and your breathing quickened inhumanly.

"What are you doing?" you whispered.

"Nothing, just relax," he responded. As much as he wanted to drag you out of class and fuck you so good, he knew you'd rip him a new one if he did. No matter how he'd make you feel.

"No, we're in the middle of a lecture," you argued.

"I'm not doing anything," he said humorously, you were not humored though.

"Steve," you scolded when he pressed a faint kiss under your ear.

You knew a guy like Steve was horny practically twenty-four seven, but you didn't take him to be quite clingy. Especially with someone like you. His arm wrapped under yours. His other resting on your thigh. His head tucked in the crook of your neck. It wasn't particularly sexual, but it was intimate. Something normal to couples, and you two were not a couple.

"Please come tonight," he whispered, “If not I’ll come over.”

"Ugh fine," you grunted, your voice breaking into a giggle because you did somewhat enjoy this unfamiliar attention.

Steve continued to sit next to you during the rest of your classes for the day absent mindedly teasing you, playing with your fingers, twirling your hair between his fingers, leaning his head on your shoulder while he held your hand. Like geez, take a girl out already.

By the time you got back to your shared apartment with two of your closest friends you felt conflicted. Why the sudden shift in Steve? You two weren't exactly best friends before, just two people who shared classes and accidentally slept with each during a drunken night at a frat party.

"Hey, everything ok?" Wanda asked you noticing your inner battle.

"Uh, yeah. Kinda. No," you said defeatedly making the girls chuckle.

"What happened?" Nat asked.

"That guy, that I… you know."

"Fucked?"

"Nat!" you said embarrassed.

"Go on," Wanda encouraged.

"Well, I never told you guys but the guy was Steve," you said shyly.

"What!" the girls exclaimed simultaneously.

"You're lying," Nat laughed.

"You really went from zero to a hundred," Wanda giggled.

"Guys stop," you whined.

"All day today, he's been like super clingy. Holding my hand and pretending he's like my boyfriend."

"Wait, I thought you liked him?" Nat asked, confused.

"I mean I do, but it's sudden and I'm pretty sure it's only because he wants to get in my pants again, you know?" you rationed.

"Awe, I don't think that's true. I've known Steve for a bit and yeah he sleeps around sometimes but he's not a giant dick. Doing that would be way too shallow, especially for Steve," Nat said.

“Yeah but don’t you think it’s weird?” you asked.

“Look did Bucky ask you about tonight?” Nat asked.

“Yeah, he did- how do you know that?” you asked, confused.

“Oh- Uh,” Nat paused.

“She asked Buck to invite you,” Wanda snickered.

“Why?” you asked.

“Well, you never go out with us and the last time you did we thought you just went home but apparently you were getting laid,” Nat cackled.

“Oh my- shut up,” you huffed before storming off to your room.

“Wait! Can you at least come with us tonight?” Wanda followed you.

“No,” you giggled.

“Please!” both girls said at the same time. As you closed your door with a grin on your face not responding.

Hours later you laid on your bed lowly listening to the soft rumbling chaos from your comedic roommates. You stayed in your not so sexy undergarments and not so sexy sweatpants along with a hoodie you stole from your brother before you moved.

You ate the junk you’ve stocked up on the past few weeks feeling a bit glum. It’s not that you didn’t necessarily want to go, you would love to spend another night in that gorgeous man’s arms but there’s absolutely no way Steve is gonna want you the way you’d like him too. Not sober.

There was a subtle knock on your door and you called out knowing the girls were probably ready to leave.

"How do we look?" Nat asked, walking into your room with Wanda.

"Wow, you guys look hot," you said sitting up.

"You think Vis would like this or is it too much?" Wanda asked sheepishly, she's had a crush on the foreign exchange student Vis for the longest time and had yet to make a move.

"I think someone's gonna have a lucky night," you wiggled your brows suggestively, making her roll her eyes and blush.

"What about you, still chasing Bryce?" you turned to Nat looked extra sexy tonight.

"His name is Bruce," she rolled her eyes.

"And yes, I am," she chuckled.

"You're so weird," you giggled, Bruce didn't seem to particularly be Nat's type but hey, no judgement.

"I heard he's got like a monster cock," you said.

"Shut up," she pushed you playfully.

“It’s always the nerds,” Wanda giggled.

"Anyways, are you sure you don't want to come?" Wanda asked sincerely.

"I'm sure," you smiled.

"Steve's gonna miss you," Nat teased.

"Yeah, I doubt that."

"Well, stay safe, cutie," the girls waved heading to the Uber that waited outside for them.

"You too!"

You sighed before grabbing more snacks to stuff your face with. A couple hours went by of sitting around watching nonsense on TV for a bit. You ate dinner that was far from fine dining but it was available before slouching on your bed until the late hours of the night.

You were practically falling asleep, tired and dry eyes glued to the screen of your small TV when you got a knock at the front door. You check the clock by your bed wondering if maybe either of the girls left their keys, but it wasn’t even midnight yet.

You clutched your phone walking hastily to the front door as quietly as possible creeping up to the peehole to see who would be your unexpected guest.

“What the hell are you doing here?” you swung the door open.

“What the hell are you wearing?” Steve retorted.

“My jamas,” you rolled eyes stepping to side to let him in.

“Seriously what are you doing here?”

“I told you earlier, you didn’t come tonight so I came to you,” he said, taking his jacket off.

“Seriously?” you tried not to smile, but the action gave you butterflies.

“You promised to come. I missed you,” he said walking up to you.

“You’re so full of shit,” you giggled, staring at his devilishly handsome grin.

“Come on, whatcha doing?” he said, grabbing your hand and taking you to the room. You three had a fairly small apartment and your light was obviously the only one on in the whole apartment making it easy for him.

“Well, before you rudely invaded my home, I was stuffing my face with all kinds of junk watching TV,” you said to him making him scowl playfully at you.

“Well, then let’s finish the rest of your junk food then,” he said laying on your bed. You still couldn’t wrap your head around the sudden shift in attention. Steve was a guy who could have anyone and he’s chasing you for some reason.

You weren’t a blonde bombshell with a perfect hourglass figure that made guys want you left and right. You had flaws that drew people away and you don’t think Steve remembers that night like you do. What if he hates your body? What if he thinks you're annoying and suddenly leaves?

“Everything alright?” Steve asked you.

“Uh, sorta,” you answered honestly.

“Come here, talk to me,” he said, opening his arms. You couldn't help your eyes narrowing at him.

“What?”

“Do you even remember anything from that night?” you whispered.

“Where’s this coming from?” he asked.

“Steve, come on,” you chuckled.

“What?”

“Do you just wanna fuck now? Make it quick so you can go back to the party-”

“Woah, who said anything about fucking?” he stood up towering over you making you suddenly feel really small and shy.

“I mean that’s why you’re here, right?”

“I came because I told you if you didn't go out with us that I was gonna hang with you. I didn’t say anything about sleeping with you. If you really want I can go home but I wanted to hang out with you,” he said sincerely.

“Oh, I- uh,” you stuttered; well now you feel like a dick.

“We can just sit and keep watching TV until you want to go to sleep and I can head out,” he said, sitting back down on your bed. You sat beside him carefully watching his movements. He kept his eyes trained on the TV for a bit before locking his eyes with yours. You turned away quickly hearing him chuckle before sudden movement escalated behind.

Steve grabbed you from behind gently and leaned back so you laid on his chest. You could feel the hard plains of muscles on your back. And the way his strong wrapped perfectly around your waist, it felt heavenly.

Steve’s jaw tightened from the hypnotizing scent of your shampoo. He remembered it from that night not long ago and he couldn’t get it out of his head.

He wasn't going to lie, since that night all he could think about was how smooth your skin was under his fingertips. How pretty you sounded when he was settled between your legs. How good it felt when your fingers carded through his hair. He wanted you so bad.

He wanted to wake you up between your thighs again. Ravish you once more before breakfast, hell eat you for breakfast. But when you weren't there sleeping as peacefully beside him like the night before, his heart tugged. Did he say something wrong? Did he do something wrong? What if he hurt you?

He gave you space, clearly evident you hadn't wanted to talk to him but those few days went by and the same lingering stares and shy glances came back again and he craved you in his arms again.

When Nat asked him and Bucky to invite you again out to party, he really wanted to be with you that night even if you didn't end the night naked in each other's arms, just being around you was enough for him. Fortunately here he is with you, with arms wrapped around your waist and Steve couldn’t be happier.

You looked so fucking adorable to wearing sweats and a hoodie; he wishes it was one of his own. You had fluffy socks on too that had dog faces on them and he swears his heart melted. What you two were watching was making you laugh and each chuckle or giggle that came from you was like music to his ears.

He couldn’t help himself when his lips pressed against the top of your head. Your body momentarily froze before relaxing again in his arms. Your arms laid over his and tightened so you could cuddle into him even more. Your eyes felt heavy and the feeling of Steve’s lips slowly reaching your neck didn’t help you want to sleep.

When his cool lips grazed your burning skin, you could feel your skin burst into chills. You practically shuddered in his arms and your face grew hot when you did. It all becomes suddenly overwhelming and you jump off on his lap turning to him with a distressed expression.

“What happened? Did I do something wrong?” Steve said worriedly.

“You did just want to sleep with me,” you mumbled tears forming in your eyes.

“What! No, that’s not it,” he panicked; using you was the last thing he wanted you to think he was doing, and wanted in general.

“Then what’s going with you? Ever since we fucked you’re suddenly attached to me, putting your hands all over me, pretending like you're my boyfriend! And I don’t understand why,” you said frustrated.

“I feel like your just using me or something-”

“That is the last thing I want,” he interrupted, his voice low.

“Then why are you doing this; Steve you could have anybody and for some fucking sick reason you keeping mocking me. Making me think I have a chance.”

“And you don’t think you do?” he asked, heart broken, making you scoff and turn away.

“Look, fine I’ll admit that maybe before that night I wouldn’t have made a move; but I’m gonna admit that I haven’t not felt something for you before,” he said, getting closer to you.

“What?”

“I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you since we met. And that night didn’t do shit to help me get over you,” he chuckled.

You crawled to him carefully looking into his eyes for any sign that he was being untruthful; you cupped his face gently.

“Are you drunk?” you whispered.

“Not one bit.”

You pressed your lips to his feverishly and Steve nearly moaned at the feeling. His hands grasped your waist firmly pulling you to sit comfortably on his lap. His hands crept under your hoodie holding you close.

Your hands rested on his broad shoulders holding yourself up as slowly leaned back onto your pillows. Your cold hands cupped his face as you deepened the kiss and his hand went to rest on your bottom.

With this new found position, his chest pressed against yours, his hips grinded up allowing you to feel all of him. Every pushing second you grew needier and whiny, practically clawing at his shirt to feel his skin.

"So needy already. And I've hardly touched you," he chuckled lowly in your ear.

He sat up nonetheless and stripped his shirt revealing his gorgeous physique that kept you up at night and infiltrated your dirtiest dreams. You brushed your hands all over his chest with your bottom lip between your teeth; Steve smirking slightly proud of the effect he had on you simply by having his shirt off.

"Come on, pretty girl. I wanna see you too," he's whispered before kissing you softly.

"Wait, I don't…" you didn't particularly feel very sexy and instantly became insecure about your body compared to Steve's.

"It's ok, we can cuddle," he smiled.

"Well, if I'm being honest I do want you. It's just, I just ate all this junk food and I'm not wearing anything sexy. I didn't shave and-"

"Hey, I don't care. You don't need to impress me or wear anything special for me. I just want you to look pretty sitting on my face and make pretty sounds telling me how I'm gonna make you feel."

Your body trembled at his words, arousal instantly flooding from you. His nose brushed against your cheek dragging along to your jawline before pressing kisses gingerly to your jaw and neck. His hands slowly lifted your hoodie and you raised your hands letting him remove your hoodie.

Your shoulders caved in out of habit, being topless in front of handsome men wasn't normally on your schedule; but the look in Steve's eyes, the look on his face holding a hungry and adorning expression made you more comfortable, reaching out to cup his face kissing him deeply.

You sighed breathlessly into the kiss as Steve's hands rubbed your sides. You pulled away momentarily only to put your lips on Steve's neck. Steve felt himself growing harder and needier to see you, feel you, pleasure you.

"Pretty girl, I need you. Lemme taste you, please," he whined.

He picked you up and laid down on your back to pull your sweatpants down your legs. You lifted your hips for him and he smiled cheekily at you biting his lip. Steve lifted your leg kissing the inside of your calf staring at with those hungry eyes.

"I still wanna see you sitting on my face, pretty girl," Steve said, pulling to him.

"Are you sure? I don't wanna crush you or anything," you whispered, making Steve chuckle.

Steve laid down assuring you that he wanted this and grabbed your hand helping you straddle his face. When you did Steve kissed the inside of your thighs playfully nipping and marking the sensitive skin making you gasp.

Steve wrapped his hands around your thighs bringing your center impossibly close to him, finally licking a long and wet stripe up your slit. Your moans were soft at first but when Steve started circling his tongue around your clit, you could help getting louder and bucking your hips grinding on his face.

Steve’s eyes were close relishing in your sex. You combed your fingers through his hair and Steve moaned loudly against your pussy. He dipped his tongue past your folds and that along with the vibrations from his beautiful moans, you head threw back moaning in pure ecstasy, moaning so loud your neighbors were definitely going to file a complaint.

“Fuck, Steve. Your mouth feels so good; shit!” you whined.

His tongue circled your clit again quicker this time and you bucked your hips, tightening your stomach and squeezing your legs as you approached your high. Steve kneaded the soft flesh of your ass lapping up everything you gave him.

Steve crawled from under you as you held onto the headboard, still standing on your knees, trying to catch your breath. Steve came up behind you rubbing your hips softly, kissing the back of your neck softly. He quickly rid the remaining of his clothes he still wore, his painfully hard cock slapping against his stomach desperate for some sort of attention.

You breathe softly, hyper focused on the cum that slipped down your inner thighs. Your legs lightly trembled from just his mouth you couldn’t wait to feel what his cock would feel like, filling you up like it was only a week ago. Steve sat beside you looking at you with a soft smile on his face, his hand softly rubbing the back of your legs and your bottom too.

He reached around to grab your hip and slowly turned you around settling you between his legs; your back pressed against his chest as it was only moments before, more innocently than now. His lips sucked and kissed your neck as his hands cupped and kneaded the soft flesh of your breasts.

Your hands rested over his own and your hips squirmed a bit for eagerness. The low growl from Steve because your hips grinded against his cock was incredibly arousing.

“Such an eager little slut ain't cha’,” he grabbed your hair.

“Fuck,” you mumbled as he pushed you forward on your hands and knees.

“Want me to fuck you? Remind you how I felt buried so fucking deep inside you? God, I think about you every fucking night; how perfect you were wrapped around me, how beautiful you sounded underneath me,” he whispered huskily in your ear making you shudder.

“Stevie, please,” you whimpered.

His hands rubbed up and down your back as he chuckled darkly.

“Oh, I’ve been waiting to take care of you again, pretty girl,” he kissed your back softly.

He wrapped his hand around his cock slowly and languidly pumping it. He couldn’t help but tease slightly circled his tip along your entrance pulling desperate whines from you. He finally reached his own breaking point, unable to stand not being able to feel you so he pushed his hips forward moaning loudly at how tight you felt around him.

“So good, pretty girl,” he moaned.

“Fuck, Stevie. Filling me up so good; you’re so big,” you sighed.

“Damn right, pretty girl. Taking my cock so well. Fucking made for me,” he grunted.

His snapped in and out increasingly quicker with each thrust; the vulgar sounds of his movements and skin slapping against each other echoed loudly in the room. Harmonizing with both your pleasurable moans.

Chasing both your releases, Steve’s hips jerked rougher and harder in and out of you making you practically shriek at the feeling. He leaned forward wrapping his hand around your throat before pulling you flush against his chest.

“Such pretty baby,” he bit your ear.

“Fuck! Stevie I need to come,” you whined.

“Yeah, you want to come all over my cock? Make a fucking mess?” he growled.

“Please!”

“Hold on, pretty girl. I’m almost there,” he sighed, throwing his head back and closing his eyes in pleasure.

You whined and whimpered, tears brimming your eyes from that overwhelming feeling. You couldn’t help but clench hard around his cock desperately holding back for your release.

“Fuck, do that again, pretty girl,” Steve gasped.

“God, yes. I’m close, pretty girl. You ready to come?” he pulled your head back to look at your face.

Tears fell inelegantly down your cheeks, sweat lined your forehead, your chest moved rapidly up and down; to Steve, you looked ethereal.

“Please,” you whimpered.

“Let go, pretty girl. I gotcha,” he whispered against your lips.

Your eyes rolled back as your body shook against Steve’s, releasing onto his dick profoundly. Steve swallowed your louds moans, roughly pressing his lips to yours, moaning himself. You clenched hard around Steve one last time feeling his throbbing cock shoot hot ribbons of cum, coating your walls.

When you eased your way slowly down from your high, Steve laid you down gently pulling out to see his cum mixed with yours spilling from you. You looked so fucked out breathing heavily, whimpering at the loss of Steve inside you. He wanted to, but held back from taking you again. But not wanting to hurt you, he treaded towards the bathroom and turned on the water to run you two a hot bath. He picked you up gently pressing kisses all over your face and neck before planting one delicious kiss on your lips; your hands reaching around his neck to deepen it if that was even possible.

“You’re so beautiful,” he whispered, coating your arms with soap to wash you. You laid against him with your eyes closed desperately trying not to fall asleep in his arms.

“I didn’t hurt you?” he asked softly.

“Mh-m,” you shook your head slightly with a blissful smile on your face.

“Good,” he wrapped his arms around you tightly, kissing you passionately.

“Thank you,” you mumbled, barely audibly.

“For coming to hang out with me tonight,” you chuckled. Your eyes felt too heavy, simply remembering the way he carried you carefully back to your bed and held for the rest of the night.

ᴛᴀɢʟɪsᴛ: (For all my work)

@mathletemadison​

@buckybarnes101​

@l-sofiamia-l

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