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sorry-i-ship-drarry · 3 years

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33. Cruise to alberobello

Prompt used - tasting the others smile | this is Definitely not how I expected to write it or how I thought it would've turned out, but I do hope you like it or it'd be a waste | immensely inspired by call me by your name | today's post I'd like to dedicate to @littlebodybigheartttt for putting a smile on my face |

Harry recites a story to the wizard travellers in hopes to impress the boy behind the bar

Fanart taken down because of confidentiality.

Fanart credit - @upthehillart

" I've got one " harry raised his forefinger to grab the attention of the fellow mates on the table

" so a few years ago, I had just started my auror training, probably like 2 months in, I got a call from my boss saying harry I need you in my office right now, I've got a job for you. And that 18 year old me so excited to get a job much before than any of my pals, I ran to the office as soon as possible and when I reached my boss guess what he said, harry I need you to go and fetch me these specific files from so and so person. I was shook for a moment that he called me all the way just to fetch some files from other country which possibly anyone could've done for him but I agreed to go nonetheless. The intercountry apparation was banned for a time there so I flew there. I was transported to a small town on South italy, I thought typical place, typical people but when I reached there, the place was goddamn symmetrical, yes not tall and High or pretty place, symmetrical. Everything so conical and guess what I found out, in a population of 11,000 only a 100 wizards and witches " harry paused to take a sip from his champagne glass, a couple of other people joining along over the table to listen to his intriguing story.

" and then blah blah, got boring fetching those files and such so I hit a bar. A muggle bar as I believe. There I was drinking my beer like quite a gentlemen and then there comes a girl, sat down beside me without asking and take my beer and I look at her like excuse me, miss but I think you've taken my drink, but she just shrugs and drink further so I ordered another for me. And then she goes, you see that couple over sitting by the door, I can bet that they are happily married and will definitely divorce the next year. I ask her how do you know and she goes I just know and then the next thing I know a bartender goes to them and says honeymoon special. I was shook but said it's just a simple coincidence but then she tells about 5 more people and only one of them she got wrong. I kept on saying maybe it's a coincidence, or Maybe she knew but then she proved me she didn't. And then we got to talking like I had never talked to anyone. You know the kind of energy where you just hit it off with someone, she was that person, Only she was the most beautiful girl I had ever laid eyes upon, like a Sin city just walking like every normal person but she had no idea how beautiful she was, like a beautiful summer day " and harry stopped eager to see some reaction

" then what ?"

" then we talked. I thought she was all just Beauty but I had never met anyone like her. She talked of things only one could've thought of. So we were talking on the matter of love and she goes it's all complicated and then I ask her to elaborate. So she does, she says the complication in love lies only in its complexity, and then she goes like we often mistake love to be like a summer breeze that is there one day that takes you away and you enjoy it while it lasts but love, actually is like a dagger, it can pierce right through you, leave you bleeding if you get too close but if the dagger points them, you let yourself them fall over it, you stab them just like you do when it points you. So I ask her what does she think of soulmates or the marriage that lasts forever and she smiles at me and went soulmate is a consolation for a weak hearted that there exists love for you which would be devoid of your insecurities. And I frown, I said that what if it's a perfect relationship, and then she says, there can never be a perfect relationship because if it exists, then the love isn't real and I get confused " harry notices the table filling in more, the bartender giving him a small smile, happy for his victory.

" and she says, my love, love is not a summer breeze, love is like a pandora box fill with paradoxical substances. It's a cold breeze that leads you to the Amazon forest, wide and unforeseen opportunities and problems available, but as you go deeper in the forest you realise for every problem there exist a solution. It's like falling on the dagger and bleeding but you should be intoxicated with the love of the dagger, so you will never die. I was amazed, she said so much reality in those few words. Then I ask her so what about people who say love is magical ? And she goes, doesn't magic exist, but if I were I to say, they find themselves ethereal when they fell over that dagger, the dagger in there you see is poisoned just like every other, yet a few realises and few doesn't and the one who doesn't says love is magical. Then out of curiosity I ask her when the clock hit exactly 12, do you believe in love ? She smiles at me very elegantly, the one she hadn't pull off the entire night, and she says I my friend, am the said dagger "

" seems as if we're there aren't we ?" Someone Whispered across the table.

Harry looked at them, gave them a small smile impressively and begin again " I ask her one last question, do you believe in soulmate ? And she shook her head and got off the stool and kisses her beau. I was rendered speechless, and then she says so long my friend and starts exiting the bar, I felt to myself that if I didn't follow her, I'd be damned, so I followed, Just a few steps away and then call out to her, she turns around and I ask her name and she replies with, my name is what there is in one, but only who fail to love doesn't have and then she says, this is Alex by the way, my soulmate. I turn to my side thinking of what possibly her name could've been and then when I raise my head, she has gone. Not like walked away gone, she had disappeared, with her beau and I stood there yet amazed. And then the next day I go to the bar again and ask about the girl to that bartender I was talking to and he goes, sir I do not know who was with you, all know is you came alone and went home alone. I didn't linger on much, and I called this the cruise to alberobello " and harry stops suddenly finishing off the rest of his champagne. He raises his eyes to meet the boy behind the bar, smiling wickedly at him.

" wha- what happened then ? Did you ever get to know her name ? Was any of it even real?" Someone asks in morbid curiosity.

"I always assumed her name to be Alma, meaning soul, with no other meaning and to this day the cruise to alberobello remains one of my most mysterious epiphanies " Harry chuckled. Groaning everyone dropped the story, intrigued by the story themselves.

It was half past 12 when the bar started emptying out, reaching its closing time and harry made himself comfortable over the bar stool.

" quite a story tonight " the boy with freckled eyes says wiping off the glasses with a dry cloth.

" I did. Travellers always seeks stories as such. Something they've never heard before, and leave them wondering " Harry chuckled finishing off his drink and pushing off the cup towards the boy..

" i must admit, I myself am very intrigued by the story" the boy smiles at harry. Harry looks at him warily smiling, he felt proud.

" I get off in 10 minutes, walk with me ?" He asked as he started taking of his apron

" I wouldn't do anything otherwise " Harry replied and exited the front door, the open sign changing to closed by a wand less magic and harry follows to the back door, waiting for Draco like he always does.

Exactly 10 minutes later, draco exits wearing a light Denim jacket over his black shirt and pants.

" shall we ?" He asked as he pushed his hands down his pocket.

They walk home talking about Harry's story, how it seemed almost unreal, however, they both Would've been doomed fools to not admit that the night had an enigmatic aura to it.

Just as they reached Draco's door, he pushes his hands in his pockets tip toeing waiting for Draco to safely reach inside.

" well that's me then " Draco said as he turned around after opening the door.

" I'll see you later then " Harry awkwardly replied.

" okay " Draco smiled

" okay "

Harry smiled and started tumbling back his home until he turned just in time to tell Draco one last thing.

" hey, Draco "

" yeah ?"

" you know my cruise to alberobello ?"

" yeah ? What about it ? "

Harry smiled biting his lip

" you are my cruise to alberobello "

And with that Harry vanished in thin air, letting the curiosity killing Draco's cat. Everything Harry had said, Draco used to put it down on little notes and keep it away in a box , a small gesture Remind Draco of Harry if he were to ever be gone but this left him shook. The truth about his cruise to alberobello, was that if the epiphany was even real or not, Harry didn't answer that. The mystery of the story lied within the fact how anyone could've ever remembered something from ages ago, it seemed unreal but harry was a man of many words, anything but a man who would forget. And this Draco knew because of his simple rememberance of bringing him a dairy free product when draco had told him very discreetly that he was lactose intolerant.

Draco tired to sleep it away but the restlessness buried in every nerve of him that forced him to stay awake until he couldn't bear anymore and disapparted to Harry's place.

" Draco, what are you doing here ? It's almost 2 " Harry frowned as he allowed Draco to walk into his own little Land of wonder he called home.

" you asked me on the way back if I believed your story to be real ? Here's what I think, the cruise to alberobello is infact an envisage of an interaction you assumed you had with the girl named Alma who sat next to you on the bar stool with her beau Alex, who you irrevocably found to be like dagger who would pierce you open if you fell for her but you couldn't bring yourself to even try to talk to her, so you imagined all of it. But when you met me, that girl named Alma became me, and I became your cruise you'd want to go on with but are too Afraid of admitting. Correct me if I'm wrong " Draco explained in a breath still standing in the hallway.

Harry frowns before he crossed his arms and smiled " I'm impressed "

" tell me if I'm wrong ?"

" what if you are ?"

" then you would lie because you only said what you said because you knew I'd be the only one who would understand the story "

Harry remained in shock, frowning" I'm thoroughly shook how beautifully right you are "

Draco huffs out air in relief " well harry James potter, then I am asking you to be my cruise to alberobello ? Will you be ?"

" Tomorrow night, 8 pm, Alberta palace ?"

" I'll be there " Draco replied.

" good night then Draco " Harry chuckled.

" Good night" Draco replied and was only About to disapparate when Harry interjected

" one last thing" and with that Harry kissed Draco's lip. There must've been something weird in the air because they both broke out laughing while kissing each other.

" took you this long ?" Draco smiled, his lips still pressed against Harry's and his arms wrapped around his torso.

" I was waiting for you to be impressed with at least one of my stories. I'm not just Beauty you know " Harry mumbled

" well you finally succeeded " and with that Harry softly traced Draco's lips with his own. It must've been so ethereal to be in the moment that draco couldn't stop smiling, and harry was drunk on Draco, and in Prosperity couldn't stop tasting Draco's smile, it could've been kissing but it felt otherwise, Harry was happy anyway.

And next night onwards,he didn't need more stories to attract the boy behind the bar.

This might be considered as a very late submission for @drarrymicrofic " cruise "

Requests open | Master list to all prompts now available

Day 32- reasons to not love Draco malfoy by Harry potter PT.1+PT.2 | Day 34- bath with me

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becausewerehere · 4 years

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Hey, there! I thought I’d drop by with a little (long-overdue) update on Because We’re Here. I’ve just re-read the last devlog post (the, uh, February 2020 update) and oh gosh, it’s like unearthing a time capsule! I was very optimistic 2020 was going to be a productive year, wasn’t I? Uh. Whoops.

Like last time, please manage your expectations! :’D This isn’t a very big update at all, and it’s more talking about the process rather than the game itself - but I thought I’d check in and just let you handful of faithful devlog-checkers know that the project’s still ticking along, haha.

Act III Development Update!

Act III is taking a bit longer than I’d hoped back in February, but it’s coming along! I've been trying not to burn myself out like I did with Act II (those last few months before publishing it were rough! And took me a good few months to recover ^^;) but also, it’s obviously been a bit difficult to stay focused and energetic throughout most of this year, and I’ve had a couple of points where confidence wasn’t really in ample supply either. What a year. Hoo boy. (This probably isn’t a very professional tone of voice for a project update, but that’s fine, I’ve long since accepted what kind of shambolic operation I’m running here and I’m sure you have too. xD)

The good news is: I’ve been on a bit of a roll for the past couple of months! I'm feeling much more clearheaded while I write, and I’m starting to get back to the level of gamedev optimism and energy I had in February. Which feels great! Obviously all those other factors mean that Act III isn't going to be released in 2020 as I’d hoped, but I doubt many of you are expecting that at this point, hah. :') However, I really want to get it out in springtime. As any of you familiar with the project's development will know, I'm effectively working as a solo dev and timetables may change, so that's very far from a guarantee, but that's what I'm currently aiming for! So watch this space!

(I will also mention that, with the work that’s been done so far, Act IV is unliiiikely to take a full year after Act III, and it's very plausible that that'll also be out in 2021 (albeit late 2021). But again, I really can't talk timings with any degree of certainty just yet!)

Anyway, the main thing I wanted to say today is: I'm actually going to start this devlog up again in the new year, and open with a proper, detailed update in earlyish 2021 - looking more at where Act III (and IV!) are at that point. I’m aiming to have work on Act III almost complete and it sent off to my handful of beta-readers by then! But in any case, I’ll be able to give a much more concrete estimate of timings and so on.

It feels good to have broken the seal on posting again - this is me trying to slowly return to the world of Being Online. But for the most part, I'm staying true to my online nature (which is: hermit) and I’m going to keep quietly working on Act III for the rest of this year. And by January I’ll have done more of the programming and integrating the graphics, so I ought to be able to give some nice screenshots, and I’ll actually tell you a little bit about the act. And maybe launch the Steam page shortly after!! Exciting.

Though in the meantime, I might try and be around a little more than I have been. I was thinking of posting some more fanart up on here - I’ve had some really nice pieces come in on Discord and Twitter since Act II was released, and I’d like to keep them collected here with the rest! ;D

The Leftfield Collection

A really cool thing that happened (that I teased in the February update but ended up going a bit quiet on social media and didn’t get around to properly announcing on here) is Because We’re Here got accepted into the avant-garde Leftfield Collection showcase for the EGX Rezzed expo in London! It was supposed to be in March, but obviously fate had other ideas. Although BWH was briefly in a digital Rezzed showcase that got featured on the Steam front page and I got a couple hundred extra wishlists from it, so that was a really nice boost!

There was a neat article written about the collection on Rock Paper Shotgun here! I was very excited to go and exhibit there because I had such fun at AdventureX last November, so it was quite a disappointment that Rezzed couldn’t go ahead! But, I mean... by that point, it was definitely for the better. So, c’est la vie. In any case, I was super honoured to have had BWH selected for it, and it was really lovely to be included on a lineup with so many cool and interesting games! ^^

Alrighty, Then.

So that’s the Act III update. Thank you all for your patience! It's (QUITE OBVIOUSLY) been a strange old year. I know that a good amount of my setbacks this year have been shared by basically everyone in the world, ha. And I’m aware of how lucky I am that 'unproductivity and nerves' is roughly the extent of my 2020 troubles, so I can’t really complain. I hope you're all doing okay with everything the year has thrown at us so far.

I’ve had fewer people getting in touch and asking me about Act III than I did about Act II, and I think that’s a combination of ‘pandemic; delays understandable’ and hopefully ‘Act II left people a lot more sated than Act I’ ahaha. But fear not... Act III is definitely still on its way. And things are going well! I hope you have a good rest of the year, and I’ll update you properly (and if things have gone to plan, maybe start on a longer run-up to release this time around) next year! :D

~~~~~~

Because We’re Here is a bittersweet otome visual novel in an unforgiving WW1-inspired setting.

Acts I + II are out now on itch.io and Steam!

You can also support Studio Elfriede on Ko-Fi! You’ll help towards the cost of the new Act III artwork, and get in the Special Thanks if you’re not already~

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alfreedomm · 4 years

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as lack of human communication continues to drain me day by day, I see Nines in my dashboard and I get the energy to actually be productive. *insert vent below the cut*

I’ve been cooped up in my room for most of the days and barely talk to people which has led to me being demotivated and not have the energy to do anything productive. I have my own personal deadlines for art but I haven’t had the inspiration or motivation to do any of it and my lack of productiveness has just been eating away at me and I’ve been pressuring myself to draw or do something.

Yesterday was kinda hard on me. I woke up first thing to quite triggering content for me and fell asleep with more triggering content being the last thing I saw... in fact I actually cried myself to sleep as I felt uncomfortable and sick.

Today I’ve only drawn one thing and I’m not even happy with it. I have a personal deadline to finish an animatic by tomorrow for Alfred’s birthday but I feel so tired and demotivated I don’t have the energy to do it.

I have no segue into how DBH has been helping me with this but I have this Connor doll that I bring around with me almost everywhere and whenever I feel stressed or upset I just.... hold him.... seeing fanart of certain characters and reading some fanfiction for them has been helping me to calm down as well. While I still don’t have any energy or motivation, they bring me some comfort and reassure me that it’s ok to not be productive sometimes and that I need to give myself breaks and not be too hard on myself.

I don’t think I’m gonna draw anything else today, but I am going to shower and order an ice cream.

#vent #hush brice #<--- still needs a new tag lol

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frenchibi · 6 years

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Meet the writer tag

I was tagged by @timeenoughforamasterpiece, thank you??? :D

Answer ten questions, write ten questions, tag ten people to answer said ten questions

Questions for me from @timeenoughforamasterpiece:

1. What time [of day/night] do you find yourself being the most productive?

In the early morning, actually! If I can manage to get up. I need to fix my schedule! I considered myself a late-night person for SO LONG but really, daylight is the best thing, especially morning daylight? (not to mention the healing effect it has towards my depression).

2. How do you go about developing out your ideas?

I usually think about things a LOT before I write them down, flesh them out so I can just... write without having to pause and think about plot? I write in bursts of energy, not consistently, so this approach seems to work best ^^

3. Favourite style of piece (novel/novella/short story/character piece etc) to write?

I love writing short stories, character studies and essays (non-fiction)!

4. What’s your biggest distraction?

EVERYTHING. I get inspired by everything (literally EVERYTHING) but that also means I get distracted super fast. However, once I’m in my writing Zone(TM) it works out just fine ^^

5. Do you have a specific place to write?

At my desk, or in bed tbh. I want to be the kind of person who can go outside and write where the inspiration is, but somehow I never manage that xD

6. How did you come up for the idea for your main wip?

I don’t have a main wip right now :’D Still debating which one of my original works I want to focus on - meanwhile I’m sticking with writing fanfics ^^ the ideas for those come from conversations with friends, from fanart, or from prompt lists!

7. Tell us about your fave character you’ve created

One of my original stories has 3 brothers; Zachariah, Ian and Liam, and I love them to BITS.

Zach (18) is the oldest, and when he realizes there’s shady things going on in their home, he grabs the others and runs away with them. He’s smart, but he drops out of school to work and support his brothers. He values family and safety above most other things and he wants to see his boys grow up without having to fear for their lives :’)

Ian (15) is the middle child and the main character. He loves both of his brothers but is often caught in the middle when they argue. For the sake of protecting their family after they’ve run away, he poses as a girl to throw off the people chasing them. He drops out of school to help Zach support Liam.

Liam (Lee, 12) is the youngest, and he idolizes Zach just as much as he argues with him. He’s highly intelligent, which makes him a target for the government in this dystopian-ish story, though he doesn’t realize this. Zach and Ian work in order to pay his tuition, they want him to have a better future - but Lee’s kind of rebellious and always angry and he doesn’t like doing what he’s told.

There’s a lot of friction between them but when it comes down to it, they’d do anything to protect each other.

8. Pick another writeblr and summarise their story

I don’t really... know many people with original stories on here? (at least not ones I’ve had the chance to read yet rip my life is a nightmare)

I could talk for hours though about @sheithhs‘s iwaoi AU, based on the story of Hyacinthus? I’m a sucker for greek mythology (not so much for so much sadness but Gwen’s style is so gorgeous I CRIED). It’s beautiful and tragic and I recommend it to anyone.

9. What’s your favourite thing about writing?

It’s my way to express things I want to say. I love words, I love rearranging words to represent what I feel, I love finding phrases that can make people understand what is going on inside my head.

10. What book(s) do you consider as instrumental in your draw to writing?

Harry Potter by J.K. Rowling because that’s what made me want to start writing myself.

The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini because it showed me the immense range of emotions words can protray (and I will never forget how it felt, reading it for the first time).

The Alchemist by Paolo Coelho because it represents the beauty of life and I aspire to write something as inspiring as this.

The Hours by Michael Cunningham because an old English teacher of mine told me my writing reminded him of this, and that I might enjoy reading it (I did). The style is kind of... goals.

Die Stadt der Träumenden Bücher by Walter Moers for refueling my love for the German language and motivating me to maybe try and write more in my second native tongue.

The Sun and her Flowers by Rupi Kaur for reminding me of the beauty of poetry.

The Seven Dials Mystery by Agatha Christie, for showing me that someone very much like me can be a very likeable heroine.

Home Fire by Kamila Shamsie for broadening my perspective in today’s political landscape.

I could go on and on, because I read a LOT, but in short - so many books made me want to write, to showcase the diversity of life and the complexity of my own thoughts and of human relationships and journeys and hopes and dreams. Yeah.

Questions for the people I tag:

1 How long have you been writing?

2 What was your first story about?

3 Have you made friends through sharing your writing?

4 Do you get writer’s block? What kind?

5 How do you deal with a lack of inspiration/motivation/drive?

6 Share some tracks from your writing playlist(s)!

7 Tips for beginners?

8 Has a book changed your mind about a topic? Which one?

9 How many books have you read this year?

10 Where do you see yourself (and your writing) in 5 years? In 10?

A’ight I’m tagging @sheithhs, @ricekrispyjoints, @ghost--fox, @thehibiscusthief, @anyadisee, @cheetahleopard, @warmybones and whoever else feels like it ok I feel like I’m always tagging the same 10 people y’all must be getting bored with this lmfao

#French speaks #tagged #my writing #thank you so much!!

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bytheangell · 6 years

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Support System: Chapter 1

(moodboard courtesy of @kindaresilient <3)

When Alec’s favorite show gets cancelled and he takes to messaging customer service repeatedly to show his support, he doesn’t expect to connect so easily with the support representative he keeps getting paired off with.

(Read on AO3!)

Alec can’t believe that his favorite show is cancelled. Gone, just like that, with one decision from someone who decided the cost of production wasn’t worth the impact it had on the fans, nevermind the fact that it is easily the most popular show on the network. It’s bullshit, and as much as he tries to be mad over the whole thing he can’t seem to get past sad first. It hurts. It hurts because he saw himself in so much of that show; in the stories being told, the characters telling them, the words they said and the way they laughed and loved and hoped…. it feels like the death of a friend more than the end of a television show.

He goes to bed upset, and sleep comes uneasily that night, uneven and restless. His mind won’t stop, the sadness refuses to lift. And it isn’t until he turns on the computer early the next morning, the scent of freshly brewing coffee floating to mix with the aroma of french toast from the plate beside him, that he sees it: there’s a movement. Tumblr, Twitter, Facebook… it’s everywhere, on every platform, aimed at every company. It’s amazing.

Alec reads for a while, sifting back through the hours of attention the fans generated as he slept, before deciding to do his part as well. His french toast sits forgotten, coffee cold. A tweet here and a tag there turns into sitting in front of his computer for two hours that feel more like 2 minutes, ending with a suggested message to the Customer Support Chat to make sure they are aware that this fandom, his fandom, was nothing to ignore.

Support: You are chatting with Magnus B. Magnus: Hello! What may I assist you with today?

Alec: Hi! I was just writing to say that it sucks you guys cancelled The Hunt, and if there is absolutely any chance of reconsidering, well, that would be great! Alec: I really like that show. No, I love it. It menas so much to me and honestly, not to be dramatic, but I’m a little heartbroken that it’s going to be over so soon. Magnus: I’m sorry to hear that. I don’t have any information on it being picked back up, but I’ll definitely pass along the sentiment. Alec: Thanks! Magnus: Anything else I can help you with? Alec: Uh, no, I guess that’s it. Thanks again. This chat has ended.

Alec’s surprised to find his heart beating faster than usual - why do conversations with strangers have to be so anxiety-inducing? - but he did it. And he feels better knowing he tried, if nothing else.

As the day continues the stories do, too. People talking about how much the characters mean to them, how they helped them through tough times, or in learning to accept themselves, or about how much inspiration they found there for works of fanart and writing. The hashtags and e-mails and chats continue. Shared screencaps online show people holding entire conversations in them, sharing personal stories, getting real reactions from the people on the other end. Once isn’t enough, Alec decides. Another message couldn't hurt. It's midnight now, but there's a 4 minute wait this time, and Alec smiles knowing what the other people in line before him are there for, too.

Support: You are chatting with Magnus B. Magnus: Hello, is this about The Hunt? Alec: ...you’re getting a lot of this aren’t you? Magnus: You don’t even know the half of it. Alec: Sorry. Magnus: No, don’t be sorry! I didn’t mean for it to come off that way. It’s the job, after all. Please, let me know what’s on your mind about it! Alec: Probably a lot of the same. This show just means so much to so many of my friends and me. Magnus: So I’ve heard! If the representation is half as good as everyone keeps telling me today, I’m actually a little upset I didn’t watch it myself. Alec: It’s probably twice as good as people are letting on. Honestly. Magnus: Well, if they don’t put us on overtime for all of this, maybe I’ll watch some later. Alec: Hah. Thanks for listening again. Good luck. Magnus: I’ll need it. This chat has ended.

He takes a bit of a break to clean up the apartment and eat a little food before contacting support one last time before bed, though Ragnor F. is a lot less amiable to talk to than the first guy was. He doesn’t think about it again until the next morning when he opened up the chat again at 6:30 am to find a 6 minute wait this time.

Support: You are Chatting with Magnus B. Magnus: I can’t wait to talk with you about The Hunt. Sorry if that isn’t what you’re here for, I’m playing the odds today. Alec: ...I think we spoke yesterday. Magnus: It’s entirely possible, Alec. But with this sort of volume you’ll have to forgive me for not remembering specific interactions. Alec: Oh, yeah, of course not. Alec: Well, you’re right. That is why I’m here. Magnus: You know, the lot of you were so convincing yesterday a bunch of us went back to my place after our shift and watched a few episodes? Alec: What did you think? Magnus: I wasn’t so sure at first, but it was just starting to pick up a bit when we had to call it a night. I almost didn’t want to stop watching, but I knew I’d need my energy to keep up with all the messages today. Just try not to spoil too much for me, I’m only three and a half episodes in but I’m going to watch more later. Alec: Oh my god that’s amazing. I’m glad you like it! Magnus: I’m not sure I want to get too invested in something I know is cancelled, though. Alec: I mean, hopefully it isn’t! Any word on that yet? Magnus: Sorry, nothing official from the higher ups. Just that they see your interest and note your concerns. Touching, right? Alec: Totally. Well, thanks anyway. This chat has ended.

He has work, a welcome distraction, and then another polite but short conversation with a Catarina L. with the same lack of any new updates during his lunch break at work, but falls asleep early back home. When he jolts awake at 3 am and can’t fall back asleep he decides to give Support another chat, since it couldn’t hurt, and it isn’t like he’s doing anything else at 3 am anyway.

Support: You are Chatting with Magnus B. Magnus: How long is the wait to talk right now? Alec: Only 5 minutes. Also you again? Are you the only person that works here? Magnus: The graveyard shift is a lot less staffed than the others, but you guys are certainly keeping us on our toes. I haven’t actively spoken to this many people between 1 and 6 am since I started here… Maybe even the entirety of all my shifts combined. Alec: Well, at least you’re more fun to talk to than some of the others. Magnus: Oh dear, have you been sent to Ragnor’s chat? Honestly, I keep telling him he needs to find a new job but the higher-ups appreciate his ‘efficiency’. Alec: I want you to know I literally laughed out loud just now. Magnus: I’m honored. Alec: Did you get to watch any more episodes? Magnus: YES. I’m halfway through the first season now and if I wasn’t sold before I certainly am now. I figured it had to get better, and it IS. Come back tomorrow night and I’ll likely be through the whole season at this rate. Alec: Well, if I’m going to do this all day to get the show picked back up I can at least make sure to recruit a new Hunter out of it. Magnus: Hunter? Alec: Fandom term, for someone who likes the show. Magnus: Makes sense. I like it. Alec: Guess I’ll talk to you tomorrow, then. Magnus: It’s a date. This chat has ended.

It’s a date? Alec brushes off the words, though there’s a small smile playing on his lips at the idea of Magnus, whoever he was, wherever he was, waiting for his name to pop back up in that chat box the next night. Don’t be silly, he chastises himself. He didn’t mean anything by it. He has to be nice to everyone, it’s his job. Of course it is. Though something about it feels… more than that, somehow? Which is ridiculous, though it doesn’t stop him from blushing at the realization that he’s actually looking forward to tomorrow night.

#shadowhunters #malec #magnus bane #alec lightwood #THIS IS WHY WE CAN'T HAVE NICE THINGS #idek i just needed something ridiculous to let off some steam/stress over all this and #this happened #i'm so sorry #part one of QUESTION MARK because it got away from me but also I want to write more?#elle writes a few deadbeat lines

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propheticfire · 6 years

Text

Today’s gender bullshit under the cut. Kind of long. Don’t mind me.

So I tried really hard to look badass and androgynous today. And I felt pretty good for a while. But, of course, everyone kept calling me “she”. Which, in and of itself is not a bad thing; I do still feel like a girl sometimes. But the problem is I didn’t feel like I looked like a girl today. So when everyone was calling me “she”, I ended up feeling really ugly and hating the way I looked. Like, if I’m gonna be a girl, I want to be a pretty girl, not this ugly short-haired flat-chested lump. It makes me want to grow my hair out again, because at least then I’d match the way people see me.

I really like feminine things. I love long hair and dresses and makeup (even if I don’t have the energy to wear it) and leggings and cutesy shirts. I just don’t want to be seen as a girl wearing those things. I wish I had a boy’s body, that I could put femininity on top of. I wish that was how I could mix gender expression. But I have a girl’s body, so I have to do masculine things to achieve a mixed expression. And then it doesn’t even work, because people still see me as a girl wearing boy clothes.

It’s like I’m damned if I do and damned if I don’t. Because tomorrow I’ll feel different again. Or later today even. So I can’t even “transition” to anything more comfortable, because that’ll change in like two hours. I wish I wasn’t so aware of my body. I never used to be. I never used to really realize what I looked like until junior year of college. My mental image of myself was so strong that that’s always what I saw in the mirror. But the last few years I’ve begun to be aware of just how far off that mental image is from what I actually look like. Moreso now that my mental image is sometimes a guy.

I wonder too if this is because of all the media I’m consuming. I read a lot of mlm fanfiction and see a lot of mlm fanart. Mostly because all the characters I care about right now are male. I see some wlw art and stuff, but it’s nowhere near as prevalent. I find myself yearning to look like the men I see in the art. I don’t feel like I belong in wlw spaces anymore. And seeing m/f relationships make me really uncomfortable for some reason (most of them anyway; there’s a couple that I ship). Maybe it’s because I felt like I could never measure up to what a woman in a m/f relationship looked like. I’d like a boyfriend, but I want to be a boy with a boyfriend, not a girl with a boyfriend. I’d like a girlfriend, but I don’t feel girl enough to see it as a wlw relationship. I don’t really have any preconceived notions about a nonbinary partner, so maybe that would work? But I dunno. It’s all speculation anyway, since I’ve never had the chance to have a partner.

I just don’t know what would make me happy. I don’t know what makes me comfortable. It feels like it changes from day to day, and I can’t just pick something and settle on it. I don’t even know why this started. I was never like this until just this year either, so I wonder if this is even real at all, or if again it’s some product of the media I’m consuming here on tumblr or all the exposure I’ve had to different expressions of nonbinary lately. They say most people who are trans start to really feel it when puberty hits. But I never had that? I never thought I should have been anything other than a girl. Then again, I never thought I should have been anything other than interested in boys until I got to high school, where I met my first lesbian, and realized there were other options, and now I call myself bi/pan like I belong there? So I dunno.

I feel like I’m just trying too hard to not be a straight cis white girl. Like being a girl is too limiting, and so I’m trying to be something other than that. But I hate that everyone calls me “ma’am” on the phone at work. I hate that my voice gives away my gender. I love my voice and I don’t want to change it but I hate that it marks me as “female”. But then, if I talk like a girl and dress like a girl and act like a girl, obviously I’m a girl, and I should just stop trying to not be a girl, right? *sigh* Why couldn’t I have just been a really effeminate gay man? I want to be that. But then, wanting to be something and actually being something are two different things. I want to be a graceful soft twink, but I’m so fucking fat I’ll never achieve that. And I can’t look like the nicely shaped muscular guys in the fanart either. So is this me hating my looks because they’re not masculine, or me hating my looks because I’m just fat? Before all this started, I had learned to accept myself as a fat woman. Now I see my fat and I just think it’s ugly.

I guess I’m done ranting now. I don’t really have much else to say. I wish I didn’t have a physical form at all, so I wouldn’t have to try and make it match how I felt on the inside at any given moment. I wish I didn’t know what mirrors were, or selfies. I wish I could put on jeans and a sweater and have people realize I was a boy. I wish I didn’t have to do such drastic things to be at the very least seen as not a girl. I wish I could just settle on something and be comfortable in my own skin. I know it’s not true, but I keep telling myself “There’s only boys or girls Phire; you have to pick one” just to try and force myself into accepting that I’m a girl and not a boy. I don’t know what it means to be in the middle. I don’t know what that looks like. I don’t know how to be that. I don’t know how to be me. I don’t even know who “me” is anymore.

#Prophetic thoughts #gender things #dysphoria #I guess #I don't know #what is this bullshit #bad day

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autisticteru · 8 years

Text

A Kick in the Teeth is Good for Some - CHAPTER 6

Summary: All Ritsu wants is to move on and be happy with his life. But something keeps growing inside him. From his stomach to his chest to his throat and out his eyes and mouth, until it fully surrounds him making it impossible to ignore. He can cut it down, but it will just grow back. He needs to destroy it, to pull it up from the roots. And he thinks he finally knows how. But there’s only one person who can help with that. Unfortunately, that person is Teruki Hanazawa.

Read on AO3 HERE

Read from the beginning HERE

Individual chapters:

Check out fanart for this chapter! (x) (x) (x)

Chapter 6: Bonds

The next drill consisted of what Ritsu could only describe as a psychic equivalent of weightlifting. He was able to lift smaller objects, and was even able to lift Teru when he wasn’t resisting, although that required a significant amount of effort. But his level of skill was nowhere near Teru’s.

“You were actually able to lift an entire fleet of cars by yourself?”

“I had some help from the kids from the Awakening Lab, but I really was doing most of the work. Takeuchi also helped me later. I was also running a high fever at the time so I wasn’t in the best of shape.”

“You were running a high fever?”

“Yes, I just said that.”

“So were you also sick when we were fighting Shimazaki?”

“Yeah. It’s kind of a shame. Maybe if I was in better shape I would have been able to kick his ass harder.”

Ristu was speechless. Teru was just talking about this as if it were no big deal. Was that some attempt at being humble? Because it was pissing Ritsu off.

Teru walked over to the backpack he left lying on the ground and pulled out a notepad and a pen.

“What’s that for?” asked Ritsu.

“Progress tracking.” Teru flipped open the notepad and started writing something down. “I was going to do this initially with the barrier training, but I fucked that up.”

“I told you, I was just about to tell you to stop.”

“Well then I’m sure you’ll do better tomorrow when I actually track your progress on that. But for now let’s focus on your telekinesis.”

Teru’s writing eventually came to a stop, and he opened his mouth to speak once more.

“So here’s the deal,” started Teru. “You can lift objects as big as people, and you can blast away objects even bigger. But you can’t lift anything much heavier than a fridge, you can barely move me when I’m resisting, and you can’t lift yourself.”

“I probably could have just told you that.”

“No. It’s better I see you attempt. I can at least make an estimate of how much potential you have that way.”

“So what do you think?”

“I think in order to beat Suzuki-kun, you need to at least be able to lift the equivalent of a cement truck.”

“A what?”

“I’m not finished yet. Your telekinesis also needs to be able to have some sort of effect on me. You need to be able to hurt me with telekinesis. You also need to be able to lift yourself, as well as learn some techniques that travel outside the basics. And you need to be creative with how you use your basics.”

“How long is this going to take?”

“I’m still not finished. You also should try and have something in your arsenal to surprise your opponent. For example; I can attack and defend simultaneously. That’s a rare skill that most espers wouldn’t expect. You need to have a skill like that to throw your opponent off guard.”

“Are you finished now?”

“Yes.”

“So how long do you think this is going to take?”

“It’ll take as long as it takes, Ritsu-kun.”

Ritsu had to wonder why he expected anything other than a vague answer. Teru noticed Ritsu rolling his eyes, and spoke again.

“Ritsu-kun, if there’s one thing I’ve learned since I met your brother, it’s that people are full of surprises. I want you to surprise me.”

It was a lot to take in, to say the least. Teru’s list of requirements was heavier than expected. And Teru seemed to have high expectations. But Ritsu was used to it. They were no higher than the expectations Ritsu put on himself. Not even close.

The rest of the training consisted on various drills designed to improve strength. Teru would throw rubble at Ritsu’s barrier to see how well Ritsu could adjust his power levels appropriately on reflex. Teru would gather up large pieces of rubble and rock to make boulders for Ritsu to attempt to break. Everything was going smoothly, which was surprising considering their rocky start. Perhaps it was because there was no need for conflict between the two espers. It was simple. Teru would tell Ritsu what to do and Ritsu would do it. The exercises were productive and Ritsu had no reason to complain. This was what he asked for.

“You’ve been doing well so far!” said Teru as he bent down to sit next to him. For the first time, Ritsu considered responding with a “thank you,” but a mouthful of tofu kept him silent. Both boys were sitting with their legs dangling off a broken ledge, but only Ritsu was eating.

“Although,” Teru started again as Ritsu gulped down what was left in his mouth. “If you were hungry you really should have said something.”

“I thought you’d know when a reasonable time to eat was.”

“Sorry, I forgot to keep track of time.”

Ritsu continued eating in silence for a few more minutes until he noticed that Teru hadn’t even moved to reach for the backpack of food.

“Aren’t you going to eat?”

“Oh, no don’t worry. I’m not hungry.”

“You’re not hungry?”

“Yes, what about it?”

“It’s been four hours.”

“Has it now?”

“Yes! You were the one who said that first!”

“Ah, sorry. I guess I’m a bit forgetful today.”

Ritsu stared at Teru in silence, stunned. Ritsu knew Teru was strange, but this was weird even for him. After staring a bit, Ritsu noticed something else that was off. Teru wasn’t moving. He was staring straight ahead, eyes perfectly still and unblinking. There was no sound or movement coming from him to give off the impression that he was breathing. In fact, there was no heat coming off of Teru at all. Teru suddenly started moving again when he appeared to notice Ritsu’s stares.

“Is something the matter?” asked Teru.

“Ah! It’s nothing!” Ritsu tried his best not to look suspicious, but he was sweating from nervousness.

“Are you sure? Is there something on my face?”

“Uh…” Ritsu genuinely could not figure out how to answer that question. There was nothing on his face. No pores. No wrinkles. Nothing.

“I’m just wondering what we’re going to do next!” Ritsu hoped that was a good enough response.

“Ah, are you that excited? Then we’ll start the final spar right away!”

Teru slid off the ledge and let himself fall down to the clearing at the bottom of the crater where most of their training had taken place.

“Aren’t you coming?” Teru yelled up.

“Oh, right!” Ritsu nervously hopped down to Teru’s level and tried his best not to focus on his body that was approaching uncanny valley territory.

“The rules are simple. Whoever can stun their opponent for ten seconds wins. Got it?”

“Y-yeah…”

“Don’t be nervous, Ritsu-kun. I don’t expect you to win the first time. Just try your best!”

On any normal occasion Ritsu would have been annoyed by a comment like that. Teru twisted his knees into his signature stance and counted to three before darting straight towards Ritsu. Ritsu put up his barrier and blocked Teru’s first attack, which appeared to be an energy bomb. Teru hopped back as the explosion went off and Ritsu decided to lower his barrier to make his own attack. Until he heard someone speaking right behind him.

“I’m disappointed in you, Ritsu-kun.” The voice was so close Ritsu could feel it breathing down his neck. But before he could turn around and react to it he felt something wrap tightly around his body.

“What-?!” Ritsu felt himself being swept off his feet. His arms were now fully secured to his sides, completely restraining him. Looking down, he saw that the thing tying him up was what appeared to be a rope of yellow psychic energy. Following it down he could see Teru connected to it a few feet below him next to… another Teru?

“Three seconds,” said one of the Terus. Ritsu was so dizzy he couldn’t really tell which one it was..

“How-”

“It took me three seconds to beat you. And I only needed to lift a finger. But that’s not why I’m disappointed in you.”

Ritsu struggled against the bind to get a better view of his now duplicated opponent. There certainly were two Terus standing on the ground, both with stern looks on their faces. One of them was holding his finger up where the energy connected to. Ritsu had a good idea of what was going on.

“You cloned yourself?”

The second Teru suddenly vanished into thin air, answering Ritsu’s question.

“Ritsu-kun, do you know how long you’ve been training with that clone?”

Ritsu stopped struggling and froze, stunned. Suddenly everything made perfect sense.

“Since lunch, right?” answered Ritsu.

“Wrong. You’ve been training with that clone since we started telekinesis training.”

“Eh?!” Ritsu couldn’t believe his ears. Teru had to be joking.

“So you didn’t even notice that anything was wrong until lunch.”

“Wait a second! You can’t be serious!”

“I was even trying to make it easy for you, you know. I made sure my footsteps were loud so you could hear me walk in the other direction, and then silently sent the clone right next to you. Did you not notice that?”

“Ah!” Ritsu remembered, “I did! But I-”

“But nothing. You did nothing. You said nothing. You know for someone who outright told me that you don’t trust me, you sure do trust me a lot.”

“But why did you-”

“Ritsu-kun, why didn’t you say anything during lunch?”

“I don’t know! What was I supposed to even say? ‘Hey Teru-san, I noticed you don’t have a heartbeat. What’s up with that?’”

“Would have been better than nothing.”

“Oh, just shut up and let me down! You win, okay?”

“Are you telling me that you want me to free you?”

“Yes!”

“Did you also want to have lunch an hour ago?”

“Huh?”

“Listen up, Ritsu-kun. This is a lesson. I can let you go, but I can’t free you. You need to do that yourself.”

Teru brought Ritsu back down to the ground and released him.

“Alright,” said Teru in a much more upbeat voice. “You failed your first test, but that’s ok. Failure is the best teacher. I’ve learned that from experience.”

“You mean when my brother kicked your ass?”

“Anyway,” said Teru, ignoring Ritsu’s comment. “Do some stretches and we’ll run back to the bus stop. Same time tomorrow. Weekends off. Got it?”

“Got it.”

It was going to be a long break.

“Ah, welcome back Ritsu!”

Had it been a few months ago, Ritsu would have been happy to see his brother relaxing on the couch. He would have returned his warm smile and offered to play video games with him. But that was back before all this.

It was growing up his throat now. What was it? Ritsu was too tired to even contemplate it.

“Hey, Nii-san.”

“You look exhausted. You were out with Suzuki-kun all day though, so I don’t blame you.”

“Um, yeah. I, uh, learned a lot from him.”

“I’m sure you’ll get better! You can do anything you put your mind to!”

“Yep. Thanks.”

Ritsu hurried up to his room and shut the door quickly behind him and crashed on top of his bed. Everything hurt. And yet, there was something nice about the pain. Maybe it was because physical pain was always easier for Ritsu to handle. He was no stranger to it at this point.

A knock on the door violently pulled Ritsu out of his thoughts as he flinched at the sound of it.

“C-come in!” He sputtered out. And in came a concerned-looking Mob with wide eyes and a gentle air.

“Ritsu, are you okay?”

“Ah, I’m fine! Don’t worry about me, Nii-san.” Ritsu gave the best smile he could muster, hoping his brother would believe him. But Mob’s expression did not change.

“You’ve just been acting strange…” Mob’s quiet voice trailed off, as though he were thinking of what to say next. But when he finally spoke, the words that came out of his mouth were the worst possible words Ritsu could have ever expected.

“Am I bothering you?”

Ritsu clenched the sheets of his bed as his chest turned bright red. Ritsu could feel it. That feeling. It grew out past Ritsu’s throat and wrapped itself firmly around his tounge. It begged for attention and dug its roots deep below his stomach and through his intestines. Ritsu’s body was running out of room to hold something this violent.

“No! Not at all!” said Ritsu with the most forced smile imaginable. “You’ve done nothing wrong! I’m just tired from hanging out with Te-uh, Suzuki, is all! I’m fine though!”

Mob stood silent for a bit, but then smiled.

“Okay Ritsu. I trust you. But just remember you can always trust me too! If you ever need to talk I’m here.”

And with that, he left, closing the door behind him. And Ritsu was left shaken, gagged by his own emotions manifesting his every orifice. Everything hurt, inside and out. His body was sore. His body was full of thorns. Ritsu did not breathe when Mob left. He did not move.

Ritsu skipped dinner that night.

Teru walked up the steps to his apartment. It had been a long day and he was actually getting pretty hungry. But as he turned the corner at the top of the steps he saw an unexpected, yet familiar face walking down the hall. She was a tall, middle-aged woman with dark hair. Her eyes lit up as soon as she saw Teru, and he was greeted with a wave and a warm smile.

Her name was Midori, and she was the landlady. She was also Teru’s aunt. Teru was immediately filled with dread.

“There you are, Teru-chan!”

“Ah, hello Aunt Midori. What are you doing here? Did someone skip out on paying rent?”

“Oh, it’s nothing like that! I was just trying to check up on you, but you were out. I see you’re wearing a tracksuit! Were you exercising?”

“Uh, yeah. Something like that. Ah-!” Midori grabbed onto Teru’s arm and started squeezing it.

“Wow! Your muscles have grown so big, Teru-chan!”

“H-hey!” Teru pulled her hands off of him.

“Oh, sorry! I should have asked first. But really, don’t you think you’re making it a bit unfair for the rest of your classmates? They must be so jealous of you for having magic powers and huge muscles!”

“They aren’t magic powers, Aunt Midori. We’ve been over this.”

“Eh, I don’t know. Being able to lift things with your mind seems pretty magical to me. So how have you been?”

What a loaded question.

“Uh, alright I guess.”

“What about your girlfriend?”

Teru was clenching his fists so hard he could feel the pain of his nails digging into his palm.

“She’s been busy lately so I haven’t seen her much. But we’re still dating!”

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.

“I’m glad to hear it! You should bring her over soon so I can see her!”

Teru reached his hand up to his chest to unzip his tracksuit. His shirt was damp. His forehead was going red. The air around him felt like it was on fire. He had to change the subject.

“So why were you checking up on me?”

“Oh yeah, that! Well your parents have been worried about you. You haven’t been answering phone lately. I tell them that you’re fine, but they’d really like to see you!”

Teru put on the calmest most casual smile he could muster.

“Oh, I’ll give them a call soon!”

“You know, you are on break. Why don’t you go and visit them?”

“Well, I actually have plans with a friend so I can’t exactly leave.”

“Oh? What kind of plans?”

“Oh, you know. Personal plans.”

“Well if you have time, you should really consider it!”

“Yeah, I will. Don’t worry.”

Midori’s smile quickly faded and she began looking at Teru with concerned eyes.

“Teruki…” she said, “It’s been three months.”

Teru’s heart began to race as his head went light.

“E-eh?”

“You haven’t answered their calls in three months. They’re worried about you, Teruki. I’m worried about you.”

“Ah w-well,” stuttered Teru as he clasped his hands together, trying to avoid eye contact. “I’ve just been forgetful lately! That’s all!”

“She was crying you know.”

Teru went pale. His chest was on fire.

“Your mother,” started Midori, “She would give you the stars if she could. She loves you so much. But these are very important years of your life, and she’s missing them. Please, Teruki. I hate seeing my little sister like this.”

Teru’s forehead went numb. Everything under his tracksuit was burning.

“I…” Teru had to say something. Anything. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine. I’m sorry too. If you ever need anyone to talk to, you know where to find me!”

Midori waved goodbye and walked down the stairs. And for a minute, Teru forgot how to breathe. He forgot how to move.

Teru lost his appetite.

#shark writes #a kick in the teeth is good for some #riteru #mp100 fic #alright time to edit the other posts and then try to go offline for a bit

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