#i was talking abt this w a friend and idk what the solution is still

[sanchoyo]

the problem with me wanting to write out a whole entire fic with all ocs (like, my tmm next gen fic, or my fangan ronpa series) is that ppl read fic for the established charas and getting into smth new requires SO much more attention and energy imo (which is why /i/ struggle to watch/read new stuff all the time! so I get it!) and I guess maybe not a lot of ppl want to even click oc-only or oc-heavy type of fics so they don't even give it a chance! which again i GET but. but also its like. pspsps this story is fun and good if I do say so myself u want to read abt my ocs sooo bad *enticing u with treats*

[wyldblunt]

hi personal post just under a cut, it's not even serious or negative or anything i just feel like blabbering and it's embarrassing to have it out in the open lol

i NEED......... to get over how shy i am abt playing w ppl in game... it's not even just Running Content, i mean i get anxious/shy about even just. goofing around aimlessly/map completing with anyone i haven't known for literally years. or who i am not literally married to.

idk what it is!!! my brain immediately kicks into overdrive and gets completely clogged up with "am i not talking enough. are they getting bored. am i moving too fast/slow. i don't know what to do. this is stressing me out" and i have zero idea how to stop myself from getting like that. literally yesterday (SORRY IF THIS WAS YOU??? I THOUGHT YOU WERE NICE FWIW) someone came up to me and marina in game and said hi nicely and asked what we were up to and i like. Answered Once, and then did not talk again the whole time, and we sort of ran around together for a bit until i kind of lost track of them but the ENTIRE TIME i was agonizing over "am i being totally unfriendly and weird by not chatting. am i coming off like i want them to go away or just generally like an asshole" and as you can see i am also still agonizing about it now. even though objectively it was probably completely fine.

and EVEN WITH very good friends i've known for a long time i clam up like that... when i was trying to get into ffxiv some very good friends stopped by to give me stuff/say hi to my character etc and i got the exact same way!!! ppl i literally talk to all the time on twitter etc but then the second we're behind in game avatars i just get stressed out and start feeling super awkward and aside from like. jumping in place a few times suddenly forget literally every single thing i have ever known about human socialization

but it's dumb!!! and i'm so over it!!!! i wanna run dungeons and fractals and stuff, i even wanna scrape a group together to kind of activate my old guild again and claim a guild hall, stuff like that... and i KNOW the tumblr community is a great way to do that bc u guys are all so friendly and chill and it's way better than trying to throw myself into pugs or whatever. but oh my god. my fucking BRAIN, man

as i type this all out i do wonder if maybe a solution would be getting on voice chat w ppl while trying to play stuff together bc i truly feel like 90% of my anxiety comes from "i cannot type in chat and play at the same time, therefore i get super overwhelmed and confused about how to communicate naturally" and i feel like vc would solve that. but uh. if anyone does not mind sometimes running content with a guy who will probably be mostly silent and weird the whole time (the real glyndwr experience!!!!) please feel free to hit me up and i will get back to u between three and six billion business days

EDIT adding on more bc im still thinking lol. i just have a huge huge fear of coming off like a dick or like im unfriendly or something. ppl have constantly told me im intimidating for ages and it hurts my feelings and i get really antsy about it (this is why i never play reblog games abt like "rate how intimidating the person u reblogged from is" etc bc if anyone actually said they were scared of me i would get sad for real lol!!!). i naturally usually have a kind of flat/dry affect online and i make friends slowly, and i don't feel like changing how i express myself bc it's natural to me but. agh!!!! agh!!!! my wittle feelings!!!!!!

[aristotels]

re: wednesday

1) i had fun watching it

2) it also sucks

like personally i rly related to wednesday. I used to be a lot like her when growing up. i was p mentally ill, and was obsessed w death and murder since i was young (perks of ocd intrusive thoughts and paranoia and delusions). i used to write a lot back then, mostly criminalistic stories, lots of murders, etc and had professors and family call me morbid and always judge me for my sarcastic tone and resting, unemotional face. emotions are hard for me. expression is hard for me. but it was met w so much judgement and its obvious i was a disappointment in their eyes for "not being normal".

hell, i had a word-for-word argument w my roommate in college, like enid had w wednesday. that roommate (ok, i wasnt a saint, but she was a fucking bitch too) had the same spiel as enid: "I TRIED SO HARD TO BE YOUR FRIEND" and just couldnt understand i dont like conversing and being bestie roomies or whatever she had in mind. i was too poor to afford my own flat, so i lived in the dorm. and she just couldnt understand i dont want to paint our nails together and talk abt ~boys. (also she was so weird abt my sexuality for some reason and it made me so uncomfortable???) anyway, i just wanted a place to sleep and sit at my laptop w my headphones and chill. and i told her that. and she still kept invading my privacy, all under guise of "wanting to fix me". (anyway, my next roommate did the same thing but at least she wasnt a bitch. she just wanted a more extroverted and talkative companion which was totally ok. and she moved out, and i finally snapped and called a psych and got a single room bc of my mental illnesses so it was all good)

but also the show is so... shallow. it tried to relate outcasts to being queer but there isnt literally a single queer character in the show? enid couldve so easily been trans. like at least that fucking "conversion therapy for wolves" (literally the worst line ive ever heard in my life) wouldve made some fucking sense. and i think itd rly add to her character and struggle w identity. and i mean she wolfs out in the end anyway which... shallow solution to the whole idea they tried to portray.

wednesday too. apparently the solution to her issues of loneliness was just "get a boyfriend!!!". idk what they thought w the whole heterosexual love triangle but it sucked af. cmon. make her a lesbian. make her bi. or make her aroace if you want to go that route, which would be also v in line w her character, and perhaps the best option.

bianca was okay. the actress is gorgeous, and i rly wish they wouldve given her more depth. literally ALL characters are so one-dimensional. wednesday is interesting on her own but good shows dont revolve around just the protagonist. you need a good cast and you need people to care about them and this show doesnt do it.

i generally liked the wrap-up of the murder mystery, but it might be bc i personally love good guys turning out to be villains. so mad abt gwendolyn dying tho, she was the literal star of the show

but anyway yeah. its ok, but also cringe af, it lacks queer chars in a story abt people who are textbook definition of "queer" (as in: weird, odd), wednesday is kinda a mary-sue at some points, its super tween, shallow, brings no points across, and has no depth to characters.

i had fun watching wednesday act like i did tho so idk ill prob watch the next season when it comes out

[tokusaatsus]

WHAHAHAH true enough on poly being the fix but honestly poly would fix a lot of angsty melodrama 🤘😔 not that i dont love poly

it would be pretty funny though, like months, if not years of hiding and festering these feelings for one another, afraid of ruining what the three of you already have, but then the solution that went over everyone's head is the simplest one?? 😭 like sure we could only romantically love one person in the trio but we can at least try it out and see if we can end up a true throuple rather than going all "ahh.. love is so complicated." like fr 😭😭

but like honestly more magical/fantasy angst really hit different?? time loops, reincarnation, hanahaki, and the like?? oh my goodness gracious

one of my favorite but sadly not very popular situations in angst is someone getting memory loss, and basically being an entirely new person? its so interesting because your friends and lover/s still love you because you're YOU but at the same time you're not the YOU they fell in love with?? just *chef's kiss*

-angst 🫡

YES i love poly actually idk i don't talk abt it much but i am a Firm Believer in poly supremacy like. bro u get double the love double the hugs double the kisses literally double everything poly is just So Great.

AND YEAH it's also the funniest solution like. there was literally no need for all that dramatic angsting u just had to confess???

OMG YESSS fantasy au tropes are sooo good they are The Shit tbh ...i personally love timeloops but that's bcuz im a shameless pmmm enjoyer so. yeah

OOOH memory loss trope?? i read a fic like that once and it was rlly interesting since both parties had to reconcile the fact that one of them didn't remember the other and the other was changed from who they remembered.... i esp think that when the amnesiac u slowly begins to fall in love w someone else adds another layer to the angst that is just Perfect

[heliianth]

(i'm that anon) DON'T feel bad i think it's interesting talk all you wish. i never finished that trilogy so it's the same thing as a video essay about media i've never consumed

LOL noo i didnt think u did it on purpose i just have a guilt complex or w/e but im taking this as an invitation to air my grievances outside of tags SO.

I Just Don't Understand The Decision to align the end with the books. i've never Read the books but i Do Know that they are extremely different (because i've heard abt whats up and i'm just not super interested so ive never checked em out) and HTTYD1, while awesome, is not a faithful adaptation in any sense of the word. and KEEP IN MIND. from what IVE HEARD. the relationship between humans and dragons in the books is more fraught and unfair than the one in the movies. like ive heard stuff about slavery and pets. but the movie makes it almost a Point to say that the dragon riders treat their dragons equally and every place in which the two coexist do this as well. theres a reason why Hiccup calls Toothless His Best Friend. in the books it makes sense to separate the two groups, because there was genuine harm being done no matter what happened and separation was the best solution, but in the movie-verse the relationship being fought for was mutually beneficial and also had real, tangible support behind it that was having payoffs. idk if there was like a deal with Cressida Cowell for the end of the franchise but it did not work with the context set up by the other two movies. ur telling me all these dragons who bonded irreplacably with their riders, their best friends, wouldnt say "hey, fuck you, i'm staying"? they ALL went to this secret hidden cave after facing a bad guy that doesnt even seem that intimidating after u watch RTTE? like that love wasnt strong enough to defy everything? <- U KNOW. THE POINT OF THE SERIES.

speaking of which, HTTYD is like almost obnoxiously in your face about its theme of disability. the first movie is about a someone who can't do things everyone else can (kill dragons) who befriends someone else who also can't do things everyone (other dragon) else can (fly), then they help each other and make themselves and the world better for it. Hiccup makes Toothless a mobility aid and Hiccup literally becomes an amputee at the end of the movie and its framed as a moment of connection and understanding between the two rather than a tragedy. in the second movie, the villain is literally someone looking to enslave all dragons using the big mind-controlly dragon (i have some issue with the whole "the alpha protects them all" theme of HTTYD2. i get what they were going for but i don't think it was executed super well. the rest of the material introduced is super solid despite that tho imo) he abused since birth and Toothless broke out of it because of the depth of his attachment and then proceeded to beat the big dragon's ass to protect Hiccup. the entire theme being set up here is about strength in compassion, acceptance, and togetherness. these stories about outcasts proving themselves inherently worthy of love due to their difference and connection and not in spite of it Are The Type Of Stories most marginalized communities latch onto for obvious reasons. u see it literally everywhere—thats why the queer community calls some movies "queer movies" even though there might not be any characters that are actually queer. this type of setup is actually almost like a gateway for authors to address these subjects when it might otherwise be censored because it's so fucking prevalent and recognizable.

and i dont know if the directors or w/e Knew This and i don't want to accuse anyone of anything because they were clearly very, very passionate but introducing a Girl Character (I UNDERSTAND THAT the light fury is a different species and this is why she looks so different than Toothless but imo... she still falls into the "softer pink small female design" trope because they could've chosen to Not Make light furies look like that, especially bc every female dragon and even human design has been pretty good beforehand, so what changed?) with which Toothless falls in love with Immediately and is on screen for a total of EIGHT MINUTES who causes him to leave Hiccup forever without much thought is like the One Thing u dont do when u have themes like this. the movie tries to frame Hiccup's care for Toothless as clingyness but like... ur kidding me. HUH? THIS WAS NEVER A PROBLEM. Hiccup and Toothless being inseparable was Always framed as a strength that helped themselves and the people around them. thats why i sometimes talk abt HTTYD3 "hetero-ifying" the series. it tries really hard to deliver a "mature" message about ~*: . ~ letting go what you love ~*: . ~ but this was completely unnecessary if you think about it for more than two seconds in context with the 2 other movies and EIGHT SEASONS of tv shows its placed in. there was NO REASON for the dragons to go to the hidden world. Grimmel was no more of a threat thematically than Drago or Viggo. he had badass powerful dragons on his side but his motivation was the same Narratively. what made him Win this time? it just makes the entire thing feel like a cheap grab at tears and toy figurines in order to seem more adult than the other two despite its incoherency—Hiccup says the dragons will stay away until the humans can learn enough to deserve them, but they won't learn if they're separate from each other! This Is Like ABYSMAL post-hoc justification for the decision to have the dragons leave. and then the very end of the movie has Hiccup finding Toothless again (who FORGOT HIM? thats almost offensive) anyways, because who cares, whatever. anything for the audience to cry.

i dunno. i feel like despite the amount of care n passion put into HTTYD3, it's really.... not in the same spirit of the other two. all of the movie-verse media contradicts its message and themes, and it barely addresses this in a way i think is acceptable for the level of care n passion that was put in. there must've been thought and consideration here, all of the people working on it must've loved what they were making, so that's why i dont Get why HTTYD3 is the way it is. it's existence leaves the Entire Franchise feeling really hollow—without it the franchise is a statement about the power of love and belief in a better world, it features characters struggling to help themselves and their friends live in happiness no matter what challenges they face. with it, it says that these things are childish and something to let go. that the determination to make things better for yourselves and the people you love in spite of all the horrible people telling you otherwise is immature and needs to be grown out of. thats so fucking awful, dude, and thats why i don't really get how people who love the themes of the other media in the series can like the third movie.

anyway. LMFAO. this will probably be the end of me complaining abt this movie bc i addressed basically all my issues and id feel annoying repeating stuff in other posts. love u nonnie ur very funny.

[boobchuy]

So how is true colors in your swap au going to go down? You already said Hoppy gets his legs and Sprig is dropped out the window, but what else happens? Are Yunan and Olivia and Grime all age swapped too? If Grime was age swapped it would be cool if he was swapped with his sister or Aldo. And what about season three? When Hop Pop in canon mistakes the earth bird for Anne, is that still how it goes down in this AU? And are Olivia and Yunan swapped? And what about Valeriana? Is there a swap there?

Talked abt most of the questions here a lil bit before! But the basic gist is that only a select few are really swapped in this au for the sake of the lack of other characters that are kids in both the toads and the newts (so no, sorry to say the other main character amphibians aren't swapped in any way and stay the same). And even then for the ones other than the Plantars who ARE swapped, I'm not sure if I want to keep it that way since thinking of a family dynamic for the sundews and flours is... difficult to say the least TuT

I want ivy and maddie to be roughly the same age as sprig, and maddies sisters to be the same age as polly by extension, but idk what to do w their parents! I've talked abt just aging up the mentioned people and generally just... not have any kids the same age in canon (Sylvia is the exception, for hoppy to have a friend :) and monroe is there too lol) but I'm not sure whether to make that final or not. Its easily the most convenient solution tho

[mell0bee]

exu ep 5/series so far thoughts because i feel like i haven’t fully processed it and also It’s About To Go Down

this is very long and i am very adhd so i will put it under a cut

the wildmom asking the party to prove themselves is way up there for me in exu scenes (i think like second fav #1 being The ted and opal argument). i loved how aabria plays her as sort of fluid/shifting personality wise based on who she’s talking to like!! it makes a lot of sense

also HOW AABRIA PLAYS THE SPIDER QUEEN??? HELLO??? SHES SO FASCINATING I LOVE IT i love all-powerful deities who do things because they’re bored or maybe she’s lying idk??

and w dariax we get the dynamic of all powerful deity trying to use a mortal to get what they want vs one mortal with a negative intelligence score perplexing the deity. amazing

overall just watching aabria dm like it’s rlly made me think abt how i play the game like!! she rlly prioritizes fun and cool stories rewarding the players for rp and crazy ideas and if something stops being fun she just!! moves on!!! and it’s still cohesive and smooth! not to mention the cinematics!! all her npcs being hilarious!!! the way she encourages more quiet players! it’s very cool

the way she uses saving throws to give information/vibe checks is fascinating esp in this campaign where there’s a bunch of deities at play and yknow a whole missing week but also every time she says it as a player of dnd where saving throws are reacting to something bad i have a pavlovian response to go OH GOD OH NO agfbjfjf

i feel like we got insight into lots of these characters today

the opal+ted/fy’ra rai+fy’ra kai parallels may kill me oh man it’s so good

and also IN THIS HOUSE WE STAN FY’RA RAI ma’am thank you for having a brain cell MORAL COMPASS MOM FRIEND DO NO HARM TAKE NO BS!! like thank u wildmom she is exactly what these idiots needed

i love aimee sm being new to dnd and just coming up with the most buckwild solutions to problems stretching the limits of the game it’s amazing

and i still stan opal and ted so much i love siblings sm and like their relationship is so fascinating like 'are you okay?' 'are you?’ then i am too' BYE

also completely unrelated but i hate naming characters so i made a character who would have a backstory reason not to have a last name but aimee rlly said no opal just doesn’t have one it’s fine ❤️ it’s so funny to me agdhd

also love it when ppl call her opal nolastname or something similar because i do the exact same thing w my character!! same running gag!!

dariax hit a little close to home as a neurodivergent person with his being so used to being a screw up and being willing to accept that there’s a problem he caused and needs to fix without even recognizing what the problem is oh man

dorian??? like dude has major trust issues who hurt u and the ALIGNMENT SHIFT i love neutral characters sm. so interesting. ppl smarter than me could write a whole essay probably but just aghhh

2 bros chilling on a bedroll back to back because they’re not gay (their relationship is also fascinating tho like dariax #1 dorian fanboy and dorian trying to reciprocate and also going on a corruption arc together… feLLAS IS IT GAY-)

orym sir i need to know. do you have a husband. is he dead. is he named riegel. also thank u for being the moral compass we stan. i feel like orym more than ever is Just A Dude like how fjord was yknow i love it

and then just fearne head empty chaotic neutral fey queen just flirting with opal and being the biggest sweetheart and the funniest excrew member and she rlly said no i will not have a corruption arc no thanks ❤️ i like how i am right now ❤️i love her

MYR’ATTA GIRL WYD???

[fapper]

Girl what right does your roommate has to be mad at you for having covid when the other day she was asking you if her sister who had covid could stay in the dorm with yall??... idk how it works in the us or with your college in specific but if you can, contact a doctor, take some medicine and rest. Email your professor again and tell him youre not feeling well to attend classes and that youre unfortunately gonna have to skip and what solutions does he have in mind for that bc it should not affect your participation. And honestly its your right as a sick person to rest... like if you had work you wouldnt be able to do home office while sick, how is it diff from studying yk.. ik its scary bc you may be immunocompromised but contact a doctor right away and they will know what medicines you should take so it doenst progress into something worse and dont go out!!!!!!! Fuck your friend also for being mad at you for having covid like wtf.. how were u supposed to know, you dont have a crystal ball. I really hope you feel better soon both physically and mentally!

THANK YOU LITERALLY THIS HAS GOT TO BE THE MOST CONSCIOUS OPINION I HAVE HEARD ALL DAY LIKE… thank you it really means a lot this makes me actually want to email that prof tell him i literally an immunocompromised and should be excused from class cuz wtf 😭 and the roommate ur so right… i agreed to her bringing her sister who HAD covid so like i guess we’re even now. But this place is messed up plus they STILL havent contacted me or told me anything abt going to an isolation unit and its been 4 hours like wtf! I should be out of here 😭😭😭😭😭😭 its like worrisome and its fucking me up and idk why but every time i cough now my chest hurts or when i breathe in it hurts likeee 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 that prof is actually insane i have that class in 30 mins i should think abt emailing him. But should i. Idk. Its like only an hour class but its gonna be awkward cuz im gonna be the only one attending it online… and im gonna be discussing stuff with them so like its gonna be hard to talk w them online vs in real life 💀 bruh. I legit have shitty friends too like…

[harryforvogue]

ok ok so don't know how long tumblr will allow me to go. I separated them in colour depending on the fic they belong to. They aren't fully developed at all but it's a huge start, I literally stayed up till 4. It's definitely a move for someone that was crying abt "idk how to make a personality, i dont even have one"

The Savior: royal au enemies to lovers (the one we talked abt on the asks)

Alma:

jealous

analyses everyone and everything: doesn't exactly judge out loud but she has a lot to say if anyone asked her opinion.

out of the norm: she will never stick to the norm or what is expected of her, both as her role (given its royalty there were loads of contradictions but girl boss doesn't give a fuck apparently)

ah, she doesn't like being told what to do or bossed( this later on is something she has in common with her spouse)

her actions are unexpected, you don't know how or when she did things or appeared at a certain place but she's there. Girl is a mystery.

She's mysterious, quite sexy of her. Not even her husband can decipher if he tried.

Ms know it all. Somehow, someway she knows.

can make friends easy, but enemies easier. 😎

Her husband is constantly at the brink of losing his shit if Alma makes yet another decision without thinking. "What were you thinking?" "I wasn't"

fuck off is their way to say I love you to each other.

When it comes to sex, neither of them like being bossed around so sadly not a lot of dom situation. They take turns and sometimes argument which ends in hate sex and thats 👀👀 hot as fuck. Poor guards tho.

Untitled: archaeologist x paleontologist enemies to lovers

Lou: all i got so far.

Most annoying dickhead. why was he assigned for this?

"Have you ever thought about shutting your goddamn mouth for a second? No"

He just gets stuff done, no questions asked. Need that cave dug up by tomorrow? deal, close your eyes blink for a second and boom, touch the ground.

Sometimes you're not sure if he bought the degree or actually got it by own merit.

Share with me the sun: Landlord x single mom (still debating with neighbor! but this is hot so)

Aster: She's a single mom that escapes an abusive relationship with her toddler child. They move all the way to Brooklyn where at the new apartment, her landlord is incredibly sweet and king as well as hot.

Naturally she's adventurous, she didn't fear a thing. However this faded with the years.

trust issues

resourceful (the amount of diy's this girl has going on istg, finding every solution to anything and everything)

generous: She alleviates others pain or sadness, however there's so much built inside of her. if only she could trust someone or like girl go to therapy, unleash. Part of her being so resourceful is that she makes the best gifts, always knows what everyone likes or needs and brings it asap (or hell she builds them something that poof! ✨problem solved)

Often times gives more than what is asked/ expected of them which sometimes ends up with people abusing her kindness and stepping over her.

Funniest motherfucker in the world when she gets confident/ feels comfortable with a person.

Can be impulsive at times, taking fast decisions (often times her partner has to take the upper hand before her)

Restless hopeful lover: reads too many romance books

One Way Ticket: Sidney. only got her name okay? but this ask got too long and i NEED TO GO TO THE VET w my dog. shall develop later.

Empire: mob au (listen im thinking of going vampire mob)

Sephira:

her husband is a simp. You think he is the head of the relationship bc he has an unbelievable amount of power? no. He tends to argue but falls back into the realization he's not the head of anything.

Whatever she asks for, he gets it for her because you know? love

Hungry all the time.

Snuggling 24/7

Stubborn - always right. "I'm right, you're wrong shut up"

Best insults and sarcasm

Unquestionable loyalty and love. Caring and nursing her husband, especially when he comes back hurt. The soft side of her is only for him to see.

Surprisingly kind (unless you disrespect her or her husband) Boy if you disrespect her husband maybe you should say goodbye to the sun.

She's a taurus.

Do not rush her or bother her. (her husband is constantly annoyed bc god we are gonna be late)

Do not. provoke her.

has never gotten lower than 5 stars on Just Dance.

Best style and fashion advice.

Bloom:

Dorian: he's there just...not built but at least i decided on the name.

Some remain undeveloped, therefore are out of the list but have patience, I am literally loving what i've got so far.

YESSSSS NATE!

it's so hard to get into the groove of OC's but you did it!!!!!!!!! NOW YOU CAN DO WHATEVER YOU WANT WITH THEM. THEY'RE LIKE OUR LITTLE CHESS PIECES!!!!!! sephira is my kinda person

[poisonheadcrabsalesman]

Oh? Oh? We are talking abt nostalgic games? I got one! Metroid prime!

I can very distinctly remember watching my mom play it when I was younger , like around 6-7. And I absolutely loved it, I really didn’t get what was going on at the time . But my pea brain loves puzzles and big boss fights. I have some rly fond memories of helping my mom figure out puzzles and how to beat certain bosses like flaahgra (even if in hindsight they’re pretty obvious) . A lot of the game seemed really magical to me at the time and really stuck to my brain, some really iconic elements of the game I could remember really clearly. Like samus and her armor, the environments, and the music especially. I remember my mom n dad commenting on how they could hear me singing the main menu song in the shower and I was so embarrassed lol.

I had tried to play it a few years ago before my wii died and I didn’t get very far because as it turns out. The Metroid escape timer TM made me WAY too anxious and I just exited the game because of how scared I got. Then once my wii died I remembered I could play it through the Wii U and I have now played it through like 6 times and I’m abt to finish it again, I’m on the final boss. N I just gotta say. It rly has aged well! I’d think a 19 y old game would show its age more but honestly w the wii motion controls it plays almost perfectly for me, I only have the occasional issue with targeting system or motion controls not registering. The environments still are breathtaking and I find myself getting lost in them, and the music is almost better than I remember, the ambient music immerses me and the boss music feels rly intense . Also smth that interested me a lot was all the care put into the scar visor, scanning random creatures or items and finding out some random tidbits is honestly so fun and feels like a little reward each time I scan something new . Idk being able to revisit it and find so many hidden details and lore and experience the game again rly feels like capturing a section of my childhood in a game and that means a lot to me? Sry don’t mean to get too deep but man..the power of videy games :,-)

(Sorry if this is obnoxiously long sogdodhd)

THIS IS SO GOOD!

Never apologize for words. This is great!

There's something about being a kid latching on to video games and just getting lost in them. I probably played hundreds of hours of Oblivion and really got wrapped up in that world (and finding all the ways to break it).

I grew up watching other people play games too so I got the annoying but helpful skill of learning game puzzle solutions, enemy weak points, and other game mechanics. I'm a nightmare if I watch friends stream a game I've played.

Video Games!!!! Interactive Storytelling!!!!

[candygothjester]

AAAA idk if my other ask went in but I think it was for your oc Jax w 7 and 21 from that as game ?? But if my other one DID go in then dont worry abt this one if u dont wanna alsjdkhfg

IT DID IM JUST so slow at responding to asks omg kjsdhkjsfd

I shan’t complain though because I love rambling about my OCs to no end, though apologies if this lacks coherency it is like 3 AM right now? But thank you sm for the ask!

3. What does your oc’s voice sound like? (Or, if you have one, what’s their voiceclaim?) Can they sing, whistle, or roll their rs? Do they have any speech impediments or notable dialects/accents?

Honestly!! This is something that I’ve struggled for the longest time with! I keep trying to think of a voice for Jax and I’ve yet to settle on anything? I’ve figured his voice would be on the higher end, generally being heavily emotive unless he absolutely wants/needs to mute out his feelings... which, either way, is a good tell to get a grasp on his state of mind in that moment, same with the pitch of it that well follows suit. Jax definitely has an awful singing voice, but I’d imagine him being able to whistle, roll his r’s, and he is (canonically to my campaign!) able to do other accents very well. Otherwise, he has an extremely strong Elvish accent, though I’m not sure what accent in the real world it’d be reflective of (one of my friends suggested Australian, which I can see for better or worse,).

7. What song reminds you of this oc? Does this match up with the type of music your oc likes to listen to?

yes /j

Realistically? An absolute fuckton of songs, though I’d have to say Grand Finale (matches his general personality and what I want his character growth to be like!) by Studio Killers; Nightlife, Music People, Welcome Kingdom of Addiction, and Ghosts of Utopia (all discuss very corruptive influences on his life and thus how those then reflect on his own actions and ultimately drag him down, making him suffer more and more) by IAMX; The World Does Not Revolve Around You and Irresistible (this man’s awful ego) by Temposhark; and The Prince (his present self more-or-less being reflected upon by him when he’s older) by Madeon! I can’t say this without including songs about his pairings, so I particularly associate Achilles, Come Down (if there’s any song that I could dedicate to their dynamic as a whole, it would be this) by Gang of Youths with Jax and Dekida (where I find that the singer’s voice would match Kida’s, to reflect on the previous question), then world.search(you); (again, another close descriptor of Jax and Hazel’s dynamic, particularly while they both think the other is dead) by Mili with Jax and Hazel! None of these match his music taste, I’d imagine at most he might listen to a FEW songs from IAMX, but regularly I think he’d listen to rap..?

21. What’s a fact you haven’t shared about this oc?

THERE’S SO MUCH... this man has an incredible amount of lore and things to his personality, I couldn’t even begin to start with just one... but I think I’ll go with the most recent development of him since it’s fun? So, to give context, Jax’s forearms and hands are completely black, their surface looking a lot like charred wood with many, many lacerations thanks to corruption from The Tower (and to give even more context, this whole world has a singular set of very magical tarot cards called the Dwelling Cards that all come with their own unique properties, abilities, intuitions, and corruptions, generally being held by a person that matches their stereotypical traits within divination. Only one Card can be held at once by a person, unless that person holds The Fool like Jax), as upon killing his father who held it, Jax took the card and it completely corrupted his hands which now burn with absolute hell levels of pain. From this, his mother created gloves for him which numb the pain of the corruption, though it still hurts plenty and tends to spike at random moments regardless; their edges are magically sewn into his skin to ensure that they will never accidentally come off. Eight levels of context aside and completely disregarding that I’ve mentioned this nowhere before besides TH, the one thing that I really wanted to talk about was the solution since I really haven’t put that anywhere before! I was thinking that when this whole situation gets sorted out and dealt with, since my campaign has an odd focus on elemental creatures (the Bronze Dragon, Mary, & a stone/construct hawk goddess, Uvetta, are like. two major characters), I’d make his blood turn golden in response (I think Uvetta would partake in his healing..? This would take more context, but for basic knowledge she is something of a healer and is also the essential creator of the Dwelling Cards) to match, in a sense, his ego and status, reflective of how much he sees himself as something wonderful and how others do too, but also how he’s not only a “null” prince but an idol, regarded by, looked up to, and favoured by many to the point where he makes his own self conform to these visions much like a trophy. He’s a god in his own right to some extent, the golden blood only reflecting that. On its own, the properties of the blood can be healing at first in regards to a person’s mental state, though if enough of it consumed it quickly becomes addicting and intoxicating whilst not once quenching thirst, only drawing people in to drink more and more. It is cool, kind of like water that’s been sitting out for a while in a colder location, and it solidifies into a metal outside of Jax’s body after some time passes. Since I think it’s cute, his own blush becomes very much golden, though I think at the same time his tears would turn black for... no true reason really, it just sounds kind of fun and ultimately reflects his contrast from the self he presents to others to who he actually is. Bodily fluids aside, I feel as though his hands and forearms would be permanently covered in tinted skin, like thick lines of blue kind of like bandages running over them.

[tfw-no-tennis]

continuted hxh thotz

we watched more so i continue my ramblings 

so we finished the trick tower stuff and started on the stuff on the island where theyre all hunting each other....wow finally some hunting in hunter x hunter 

can i just say....fuck hisoka i hate that guyyyy oh my goddddd hes the worst. i just feel incandescent rage whenever hes on screen vhbjdshfjhbsd smarmy horny clown bitch. looooord. he invokes a similar emotion to part 1 dio tbh....like i lose my domestication when i see both those bitches 

oh god that part where hisoka had just spent like hours de-hornifying himself or w/e and he looks all crusty and dehydrated and then he spots that old guy who looks kinda ghibli and he just goes AFTER ghibli man....like hisoka literally had one of those wack ass super detailed faces and just started screaming and running at that guy...like man i wouldve died instantly on the spot. jesus 

gon remains best best perfect baby boy. every time he does something so cute and pure that my heart starts palpating, i get even more nervous for the shit hes gonna go thru someday 

gon and killua are literally soooo precious theyre just two lil boys!!! two lads!!! lad boys! augh i love how much theyre vibing all the time...like on the boat to the island when theyre like refusing to tell each other who their target is and then they both start laughing and then show each other....so precious

honestly im really enjoying how they dont really have a rivalry (yet?) - theyre not like ‘yes we are friends but we’re also COMPETING! so we cant be That nice to each other bc that wouldnt be fair! or w/e you know that typical shounen stuff. i only enjoy that sometimes and im glad its not a thing rn, and if it does become like that later i probs wont mind bc i feel like itd be done well 

so ruth and i caught on to the fact that that weird guy with the pins stuck all over himself was illuminati or w/e his name is (illumi? illumini? i forget already) but HOLY FUCK we both thought he was wearing a mask....god i wish that were the case, that face transformation shit was the WORST. sir why can you do that 

also when hisoka just watched this and was like ‘i always like seeing you do that’ or whatever god gross nasty i hate them

my take on the little we’ve seen of hisoka and illumitations relationship: theyre like the catty mean girls-types but Super Fucking Weird. idk if theyre gay togther (probably) but theyd be the epitome of a ‘is this allowed? [gestures at All That]’ couple. i had more thoughts on them but i forgt 

i find it funny that they havent shown killua like at all during this island hunting thing hvbhsdhfbjdk he probably has like 10 randos badges already. i feel like he would give gon a badge or 2 if gon needed them but that doesnt seem to be the case 

when hisoka spotted leorio and kurapika and went after them i was like [guy yelling NOOOOOOOOOOO meme] freal 

thank goodness kurapika could recognize that they would Fucking Die trying to fight hisoka, and bargained w/him instead. also seeing the flashback of leorio trying to fight hisoka was so funny. my man WHAT! were you thinking 

this is probably the stage that tonpa is getting out on and can i just say thank god i hate that guy. good riddance 

that sniper lady looked cool and im bummed illuminty took her out offscreen :( i also thought the black guy with the beehive stick thing was gonna do more but guess not

i find it funny that so many characters have these loud character designs but end up not having a lot of screentime...i feel like ive been conditioned by one piece to see an eye-catching character and mentally prepare to see a wholeass backstory lol

also. illunikn is clearly a huge freak which is probably why hisoka is willing to work w/him, but his design is weirdly cute sometimes (when hes not doing absolutely freaky shit, which....admittedly isnt often)

like the part where he transforms into his True Cat Man Form and then, without changing expression, digs a giant hole with his bare hands (with the body language of a feral person) and then gets into it to nap.....like.....bro. 

also ik illiminini is killuas brother (i think brother?) and wow that family has some strong Cat genes 

i find it interesting that hisoka has been working with illiimini this whole time, hisoka strikes me as a solo type of guy who would be all like ‘teamwork is beneath me’ and only have minions (a la dio, espec p1 dio) but he seems to have a fairly even relationship w/illuimian which is wild. i rlly wonder if thatll last or if hisoka is gonna like, murder/abandon ilubimi later bc he ‘gets in hisokas way’ or st 

i like that kurapika and leorio teamed up....married

i generally really like how the relationships between the main characters are handled, its sweet how theyre just like....generally nice to each other and stuff lol 

also oh my god i forgot that last time i hadnt seen the end of trick tower i need to talk abt that 

KILLUA MY BOY OH MY GOD....ive been waiting for this ngl. ily smug murderous catboy

i love so much how killua casually kills this ~*~scary guy~*~ and everyones like :0 but gon is just like yep thats killua! hes from a family of assassins! like the way he says it so casually and kinda cheery aw i love him. he doesnt even care that killua can murder people in 2 seconds flat, he thinks killua is AWESOME 

and oh my god i love how hard killua is trying like, all the time. he is trying his HARDEST to be AS COOL AS POSSIBLE for gon and thats adorable. its working too gon clearly thinks killua is SUPER cool 

the eternally hilarious part where kurapika asked what killuas secret tactic are re: ripping that guys heart out, and killua is just like ‘uh i just ripped it out. yknow...as one does..’ and kurapika is like wow im glad this murder catboy is on our side.. 

the psychology stuff in the trick tower was interesting as hell (catch me brushing off my psych minor like, oh yeah i know abt this stuff lol)...i like the stuff abt leorio getting discouraged/disgruntled when the majority ended up being against him a lot bc thats true!! thats how it works!! it leads to learned helplessness and stuff like that...also that animation of kurapika and leorio playing cards to explain the tough candle choice was sooo cute 

i really loved the solution to the final majority rule things....ingeniously following the rules while still managing to circumvent them in ways...love it

also gon is so perfect have i mentioned that already

im so curious whos gonna pass the hunter exam, i legit have no idea and i would find it so funny if gon becomes a hunter in the first goddamn arc hjhbdfhsdjbgk as ruth said, itd kinda be like luffy becoming pirate king in like chapter 70

i mean tbf if i had to guess id say gon passes, simply bc i cant see the story taking the time to have him do the hunter exam again in a year. also his motivation is to become a hunter in order to see what its all about bc of his dad - not JUST to become a hunter 

gons fishing rod is so cute. perfect item for a perfect boy 

his training was adorable. hes a smart lad! formidable baby 

the blooderflies were so cool and OH MY GOD how could i forget the part where gon had two blooderflies with little leashes on and had the leashes tied to one of his fingers....OOOUGHHHHGBSJFHSJBFUHEJKSDD bro my heart literally palpated like it does when my cat does something rlly cute, gon is seriously That cute and pure and good

every time hisoka is anywhere near gon i just wanna call the FBI on that clowns ass oh y god. pls leave ladboy alone....

anyways i love the main characters (HISOKA DONT INTERACT) and i cant wait to see what happens next. i might have more thoughts but coherency is not one of my strengths so bye

[flyingcookierambles]

so i finished reading the northern caves

hey its a book ramble! after uuhhhhhh.. a year. anyways the northern caves! (https://archiveofourown.org/works/3659997/chapters/8088522)

i binged it in a whole day. and i have feelings. i think?

so ppl hyped it as a lovecraft-ish/otherworldly horror story and i think i got a bit sucked into that and let down a bit because to me the horror story wasn’t the implied dark magic connections the author had with uh. the Mundum. it was the unreliable narration and betrayal of friends. spoilers below!

so, if you’ve read the northern caves, you know what the Mundum is. it was just kinda introduced as some mystical thing in the universe that the author believed in. whether or not it was real was kinda left open ended i think.

if you for some reason haven’t read the northern caves (which will just be either the caves or tnc for typing speed’s sake), it’s about a group of online friends in a 2004 internet forum dedicated to a children’s book series called Chesscourt by Leonard Selby. the author died before he could publish his final book, The Northern Caves. thankfully, one of the ppl in the forums, metamarsh, is actually distantly related to the author, and in the event of leonard selby’s death and then marsh’s aunt’s death (i think she was selby’s sister or something), marsh’s family got all the belongings of leonard selby. all his journals, notes, and unpublished works left behind. TNC was one of them. marsh (or his aunt or some other relative) scanned the pages and released it online ig sometime before the story. and so the events of Spelunk 04! starts, in which the friend group of this forum plans an irl meet up at marsh’s house so they can go over the author’s belongings and try to make sense of tnc. tnc is, to put simply, a mess. there’s lucid parts and non-lucid parts, by which i mean that there’s entire pages of nonsense and also it’s mentioned that there are 3 entire pages that are just the letter “a.” this can easily be dismissed as the writings of a senile old man, until the revelation of the Mundum (mentioned above) comes up. 

then things so super wrong. 

so, the entire story is a “report” by a man on the forums named Paul. his handle is GlassWave. he is a person who went to Spelunk 04! and is part of the reason why the meeting went so wrong. around the part where the journals abt the Mundum come up, he totally gets into it. the narration around this part gets uh. kinda creepy. it also definitely doesnt help that there were drugs involved - adderall.

so uh. basically. paul and another guy, Arron/Errent Knight, get the Mundum. they dont understand why their friends dont understand it. the solution according to paul? put adderall into the coffee and stay up for 60 hours straight reading tnc in a group circle.

yeahhhhh.

so i personally wasnt super scared abt the entire lovecraft-ish/other worldly implications of mundum being real or not. it was the paul’s state of mind when he spiked the coffee with drugs. it was the entire betrayal thing. 

i personally haven’t really had the entire internet friends experience bc im p shy irl and online. i dont usually go talk to strangers in chatrooms/discord or anything. also stranger danger lol.

but i hear a bunch of stories abt that kind of stuff, the early 2000′s internet experience before ppl had more awareness of internet stranger danger. also i’ve been watching and reading abt a lot of internet drama thru commentary channels i watch nowadays (therightopinion is p good), and uh the whole parasocial relationship thing (so ive seen it be described as) is on my mind a lot now. since we view ppl as relatable and feel like we know them. now, of course, there’s a difference in the personal experience one can have between a youtuber or internet celeb and a person on an interactive forum/social media platform. i would think that more interactive platforms like forums or discourd would feel more personal to some than a celebrity but still. 

the entire narration of paul’s during the spiking the coffee scene was so rational-seeming to him. and then the betrayal that his friends, the ones at Spelunk 04! and online felt hit me. like, i’ve never personally experienced that kind of betrayal since i dont have internet/stranger friends, but still i think it’s really relevant now. on the 26th chapter (2nd to last), the forum comments of JimWind and Sally’s Lil Sis hit especially hard. 

JimWind:

Wow. Wowwowow. I just finished reading the whole thing through the latest bit GW's posted. I had heard things about Spelunk 04 having something to do with restaurant workers dying, but I just figured that was a baseless rumor because it seemed so hard to understand how that could have happened. But what really shocks me here isn't even that, it's the fact that GlassWave dosed his/our friends with hard drugs. (Adderall is just prescription amphetamine, AKA speed! WTF!!!) "GlassHole" indeed! TBH it really makes me uncomfortable with GW and getting this whole story from him. Of course when I first read this

“maybe not even the other forum members, not even the best among them, not even Jim, say”

I was flattered, especially cause GW's always seemed like one of the sharpest and nicest posters around these parts (until now!!). But now it kinda makes me sick to my stomach. I don't want this guy to think I'm one of the "best" Cafe people. And I'm holding back judgment on all this Spelunk nonsense until I hear about it from someone WHO ISN'T GLASSWAVE. (Plus, this is stupid, but there's something that makes it even worse about the fact that the diner has my name :P) No matter how you slice it, it's a sad day for the Cafe. D:

Sally:

Yeah me too JimWind. I'm literally crying rn. First Spelunk went wrong, then we have to wait to hear about what happened, then we finally get the report but it's from this jerk! I'm really sad bc this forum has meant a lot to me over the last year (its been a really tough year for me) and now I'm worried that everyone here might be some sort of drug-pushing creep :( :( :(

before this, everyone felt connected in some way w/ chesscourt and safe. and paul/glasswave was a decent person in the community! he talked to other ppl. ppl trusted him enough to invite him to this thing and meet up irl. and then he just. spikes coffee with adderall.

idk, maybe its just me since i was too young to be on fandom spaces in 2004 and be on chatrooms and stuff, but i feel like when the internet first came out everyone felt safe on it to some degree and the internet and real life were seperate spaces. now, esp with social media like facebook, real life and the internet are super connected. 

the fact that paul caused harm to his friends by spiking their drinks without consent is horrible. but like i feel like to ppl from 2004 who might not have experienced this kind of closely tied internet/real life drama before and also might not have the same sense of internet stranger danger that ppl have today, the idea of a person from the internet harming you in real life could be terrifying. today, i think that horror stories of ppl meeting online and then things going wrong is so common and in the news that we don’t bat an eye to it. but i guess maybe to 2004 ppl, this is like the ultimate nightmare.

when i finished the book, i felt a bit let down by the ending and stuff. it felt a bit anti-climatic. but after thinking about this from (what i think is) a 2004 person’s perspective, this is p awful. and the whole unreliable narration thing was very good.

i thought of midsommar a bit when i was thinking abt the ending. like, sure a bunch of horrible gory stuff happened and ppl died. but the real horror sets in afterwards when you realize that the movie is abt a vulnerable lonely woman in a neglectful relationship being indoctrinated into a cult thru drugs, isolation, and love bombing, and it was kinda shown as a “good thing” bc the protag finally found a place she belonged. when really, she was being further trapped in life, this time in a cult.

idk, but i guess that’s my ramble on the northern caves.

tl;dr - i read an original story from AO3 that was kinda hyped up for a lovecraft-ish horror, but i ended up interpreting the horror aspect differently and didn’t really get the mundum/lovecraft-ish part i think?

[mlmrhodey-moved]

prev anon abt the ditching thing. i def see now that the whole anon thing was a major dick way to go abt things and i'm really sorry that i decided to go the immature asshole way about things. i'm dealing w a lot of shit rn and that was my quickest solution to avoid confrontation bc clearly i have big brain energy. i hope i didn't make u feel bad or induce a lot of anxiety, if i did i really am sorry. idk if i'm up to working thru the issues rn if im honest. i love u to bits but our friendship +

+ was always more of a you coming to me for help they disappearing for weeks at a time kinda deal :(. you're a lovely person and a great friend and i'm glad i got to know you, i just don't know if you're someone i need in my life right now. i really wish you luck with life and i love you so so much, i hope things treat you kindly. once things settle down i'll think abt reaching out to you again but rn i've gotta do whats best for me

first off, yeah, it was a really shitty move, but i understand where you’re coming from. confrontation is hard, and it hurts, but you (and anyone else for that matter, since this is gonna be public) are always welcome to call me out on my bullshit. 

and like, about our friendship, i’m really sorry i made you feel like that. i’ve been thinking about what i’ve been doing and how i’ve been treating my friends on here, and even though i can’t see it with my own two eyes, your claim doesn’t seem too far fetched to be true. so i really apologize for doing that, for making you feel like that. you, nor anyone, deserves to be treated like that, so i’m really sorry for what i did. 

and like, i appreciate it, but you don’t need to call me things that i’m not. if i treated you badly, then no, i’m not a good friend, nor a lovely person. so you don’t have to tell me lies to like, try to soften this blow or something. a blow that i’ve actually been expecting from about everyone really. i fucked up, so i deserve it.

and finally, i’m glad you’re looking out for yourself. i don’t know if it means anything coming from me, but i’m proud of you. i still don’t know who you are, so i can’t really say i love you back like if i knew your identity, so all of this could probably ring hollow. thanks again for the best wishes, though hardly deserved. and if in the end you decide not to talk to me again, that’s okay. like i said, i’m proud of you for taking care of yourself, and i wish you the best too.

[alukaforyou]

my bleach lore is, again, spotty But thinking abt my hollow faves makes me Sad b/c like werent they basically souls that couldnt cross over properly, festered and turned malignant.... then they had to eat other souls to evolve except not all hollows do, its only if u dont lose ur mind and sense of self, and i imagine sheer grief / anger / whatever tortured ur soul enough to be unable to peacefully pass was a major grounding factor that literally kept u going so basically arrancars? masses of negative energy ;( and u got guys that have literal tear marks permanently etched onto his face and doesnt believe in / understand the concept of love or emotions? like dam what is going on here? who hurt u?? and Just as he was abt to Get it, ichigo Kills him via asspull??? and has the audacity to complain and cry about it like "this is not how i wanted to win!11!1!1!!" stfu lmfao why r u screaming IM the one that should be Screaming 🥺

and like nnoitra, horrible guy as he is, literally i feel bad for him cuz remember when nel was like y do u fight so much and he was like cuz i wanna die like ok first of all, mood, but second - that is so sad. like can you really blame any of these guys for being so terrible? the whole premise of their existence is one big dumpster fire amidst shitpot circumstances.

like i read the wiki entry on hollows and yea the espadas and co are technically the bad guys cuz they teamed up w aizen whos not too great, but is it rly their fault tho? 먼저 손을 내밀었잖아. no one else was there. is it rly so wrong to take the only hand thats reaching out to u?? wtf were the shinigamis-the arguably good guys-doing while aizen was sweet talking all these tortured beings. its literally Their Job to help souls cross over into the afterlife and exorcise hollows in the early stages so they can be at peace and Not coalesce into a conglomeration of negative energy. im not saying its on the shinigamis to march into huenco mundo las noches where ever, and start making friends w the hollows or give them therapy or something but like?? isnt it kind of their fault espadas and shit even happened?? please correct me if i am misunderstanding.

also, because the evolved hollows that werent buried / exorcised / taken care of in the earlier stages are too dangerous and strong and mindless, they have to be killed?? what a joke. i mean, not all hollows are like that - nel, tia, starrk, etc - but a lot of them are too lost in the sauce and actively act out on their negative, destructive, and violent tendencies and dont want any "help" which makes sense, honestly, so they Are a Problem, and sending off shinigami to kill off such hollows sure is the easier solution but dam this is not right. arguably, hollows are the victims of a system that has failed them, and its not soul society's fault Per Se, theres problems in Any system but yea idk. what a clusterfuck. absolute god dam bithc of an unsatisfactory situation.

is aizen kinda bad? yea. is he charismatic and manipulative and smart tho? also yea. so it only makes sense that all these wandering hollows would take his hand - the only entity to approach them without immediately wanting to kill (although he will kill u maybe if u for some reason refuse to join him, or even later on when he decides hes done using you) especially if his ideals sorta coincided w their inclination for violence and destructive tendencies... and like nnoitra, u literally have nothing to Do. wandering some gloomy desert with no purpose or direction (which is despair in itself, i would know), with constant threats and dangers all around you, theres nothing to live for? that is so sad. at least when aizen recruited them, they were Organized and it came with some semblance? illusion? of Purpose and Direction.... starrk even literally said the espadas were his first / only companions and he even sorta considered them Friends like boy what? thats not friendship wtf u want to see real friendship i'll show you real friendship. how freakin lonely and full of despair and just plain sad were all these dudes!

remember how in fma, envy and greed basically said homunculi have no real meaningful bonds or friendship and thats what both of them low key desired, to have friends and love and support just like humans... ugh i cry every day thinking abt that and i bet its similar for the hollows too. some of them even banded together and formed loyalties in part, due to wanting that sense of togetherness.. probably... and its also why they probably joined aizen.. idk they might deny it up front but i bet thats all what they low key craved - purpose and companionship - whether they realized it or not. sure, some of them were sort of forced into it to avoid aizens wrath, or for practical reasons, like protection, Or they had their Own Agenda, but my point still stands. plenty hopped right on, and i bet some of them even knew they were just being used but they Still bought into it anyways to feel like a part of anything at all. like u rly think some shinigami approached u w.o his Own Agenda? he rly just wants to be friends? i think not. but they were still loyal af. ugh. so in conclusion hollows are allowed to be evil and bitter and destructive. am i saying its right? no. but do i understand it? yea..... so sad.. my bois....ㅠㅠ

[leejrdans]

       you can try to conceal your heart with red and gold titanium,        but you can never truly hide from your demons.

Merlin’s beard, what is ( LEE JORDAN ) doing out at this hour? For a ( HALF BLOOD ) who is ( 19 ) years old, ( HE ) really ought to know better. You know, I hear that they’re aligned with ( THE ORDER ), but that could be just a rumor. I do know that ( HE ) is ( A CIS MAN ) and a ( GRYFFINDOR ) alumni though. They’re very ( FORTHRIGHT ) and ( CAPTIVATING ) but also quite ( IRREVERENT ) and ( BIASED ), which could be why they remind of ( LAUGHING TO FEEL ALIVE AND SPEAKING UP TO STAY ALIVE, A RESTLESS FEELING IN THE PIT OF YOUR STOMACH THAT ALWAYS DEMANDS MORE MORE MORE, HONESTY AS YOUR NATIVE TONGUE ). Some people say they’re the spitting image of ( TREVOR JACKSON ), but I’ve never heard of them. 

LINKS: pinboard. stats page. wanted plots is COMING.

CHARACTER PARALLELS: will be added one day when my brain does work

HEY GUYS, it’s mar again. lee is a new muse. as in NEW. completely fresh. i am Nervous! but i love 1 man!!!  note: lee is quite a Social Man, so i kind of went ahead and assumed some stuff about his position at hogwarts ( like, popularity & how the slytherins receive his biased commentary ) but i’m not trying to generalise at all and say that THIS IS HOW YOUR CHARACTER SHOULD FEEL bc i hate that LMAO take it all w a grain of salt its just how i?? ig imagine things went but if they went differently that is Okie

history.

lee is born in st mungo’s, to a halfblood mother & a muggleborn father. they’re not married. hell, they’re barely in love, but she still squeezes his hand during it all, and he cries, and for a moment they think that - maybe - they can be happy. ( someone should have told them that a child is never the solution, that it doesn’t work like that. )

lee’s mother moved into his father’s place -- a tiny flat, in peckham, but it was bigger than her own place -- and brought only two suitcases and a backpack ( warning sign one ). they tried, hard, for a while. lee’s father worked and his mother was at home, most of the time, looking after her son and making empty wine bottles appear ( warning sign two ) and then staying away during weekend nights ( warning sign three ). 

she leaves for the first time when lee is nearly one, taking one of her suitcases and her backpack and slipping away in the death of night. lee’s father is lost -- for a while, but finds help in neighbours and sisters and his mother, mainly. and that’s how it went for years --- his mother coming back, and leaving, and coming back, until she didn’t come back again, not really. lee’s dad said it was enough, one day, and lee’s mother retreated to her own place. his father tried to get full custody and got it, eventually and then there was his mother, not cut from his life completely, but only semi-there, appearing when she could and - most importantly - wanted to.

he doesn’t really get it, in all honesty, as he’s five when his father tells her mother she can’t live with them any more, and most of his life after that is him and his dad and his aunts and his grandmother. plenty of family --- plenty of reasons to be happy, but an inexplicable gap, still.

lee grows up in peckham, london, and attends muggle elementary there. he goes to diagon alley on afternoons after school and weekends, with his dad, and later alone. he likes gazing at brooms ( wistfully ) and hanging out with fellow wizarding kids and magic, magic, magic. there’s magic at home too, of course, but his grandmother and aunts are all muggles, so there’s not much, but in diagon alley there’s so much of it. he likes the muggle world, sure ( especially video games & music ), but it’s nothing compared to the wizarding world.

i mean --- it’s not like he’s bored, because everything is excitable for young lee, and there’s fun to be found in everything, but there’s just more in the wizarding world - more mystery and excitement and ways to wreak havoc. because that he does love --- pranks, innocent and less innocent, hijinks and shenanigans. getting on his teachers nerves with bad jokes and cursewords. 

lee doesn’t grow up with a lot of the things that some might consider crucial -- financial stability, a stable family life, a nice neighborhood. but it’s good and it’s whole in its own way. there’s plenty of people lee loves and plenty who love him back and it’s good, and when he’s off to hogwarts he’s both mad excited and secretly a bit scared and sad to leave his fam behind.

hogwarts, though, is a BLAST. lee is sorted in gryffindor ( because where else? ) and finds friends, fast. in his own house, outside of it, in his teachers, kind of ( he personally is convinced that minerva mcgonagall adores him, despite her disapproving glares ). he’s okay at his classes -- he has the skills, sure, but not the concentration and focus -- and better at everything else. 

lee starts commentating on quidditch matches after he doesn’t make the team. he’s not broken up about it, in all honesty --- he sees how hard the team has to work and laughs at his mates who have to sweat while he gets to sleep in. commentating is more fun, anyway. it gains him some popularity, some enemies in slytherin, maybe, because he’s not very unbiased in his commentary. he loves his time at hogwarts, in all honesty, even more when he gets that gig.

his father meets his current girlfriend when lee is in his fifth year. they marry in the summer after his sixth year and have their daughter -- zoe -- about a year later. lee loves them. he’s conflicted at first, but he’s happy for his dad, and his baby sister is CUTE AF.

lee jordan is a rebel. in tiny, fun-loving ways ( pulling pranks, cracking jokes, being a bit of a class clown ), but also in a political, angry way. it doesn’t show in his earlier years, but as the war starts, and he grows older, too, he finds his priorities shifting. lee knows injustice. he’s dealt with prejudice his entire life --- at muggle school, at hogwarts, even. and as prejudice and bigotry gains the upper hand in the wizarding world, he grows angrier. restless. 

the DA is a way to rebel more effectively, he supposes. protesting when he’s not in school. cracking open history books when he’s supposed to be practising for his NEWTs ( and he is not taking history ). lee looks at the world and he’s angry, he’s restless, he wants to do something but he does not know what---- because where do you start when so much is wrong?

right now.

lee has graduated hogwarts ( believe me when i say that those last months without fred & george were fucking boring, but he at least got to focus a bit more on his NEWTs ) by now and he’s floundering around. i like to think that he’s working for/with the twins, helping with inventing stuff and marketing kind of things for the www, but if this doesnt mesh with any potential fred/george players, i can 100% alter this skjsdf. 

he wants to do something more, though. tell stories. speak up. journalism has always pulled at him --- not written, but on the telly or radio. he likes music too, of course, and the truth, especially --- and an idea is starting up in his mind. he’s slowly working towards setting up an underground radio, gathering equipment and figuring out ways to organise it. potterwatch is coming, and once the ministry is taken over ( if -- of course, that’s where this rp’s plot takes us ) it will be there, the urgency bigger. i don’t know exactly --- i’ll probably discuss this w sarah too but i think right now potterwatch is just an untitled work in progress.

lee’s not an official order member, but i do think he’s alligned, in one way or another. he’s willing to do what’s right, keeps his DA coin on him because of it, but also tries to take the world with a grain of salt, still. laughter is what makes him feel alive, and everything else he does to stay alive, to still make this world a livable place. 

rebel boi.

personality & tidbits.

lee is a dank meme lordt who would be an icon on social media, if we had it. he just likes dumb ass humour. a bit of a class clown --- he just likes attention, but he also likes making people laugh and having a good. fucking. time.

lee is hilarious and it’s the truth.

he rly loves his fam!! is worried abt them!! he still lives at home its  a blast but he wants to move out tbakjdsf. 

his mother doesnt rly ... idk he does think of her as his mother but not rly as part of his family, bc family is not blood anyway. he’s had a few good talks w her since he’s grown older tho but it’s a sore, complicated spot.

lee loves music a Lot. hip hop, trip hop, some punk here and there ... bonus points if it’s a political bop!!

has the mouth of a sailor and now that he’s out of school he doesnt even try to fight it. no mcgonagall around to tell him off after all!!!

enjoys smoking pot & drinking beers w his buds. just -- letting go, having a laff and relaxing to the fullest. likes watching muggle tv when high especially, such a hobby!!!

idk!!!!!!!!!!!! will add more mayhaps???