#i was too lazy to screenshot it myself so i just borrowed whatever from the internet

[kaizsche]

There is a hesitation in her step, “Hey if you’re down, I’d love to stay for a while.” She tells him, bottom lip tucked underneath her teeth.

He can hear her heart hammering within her chest cavity. Sometimes, Elena forgets that he’s a vampire. Oftentimes, she treats him like her equal—a frail human capable of feeling emotions. She’s just that kind of girl, compassionate to a fault.

Elijah doesn’t blame her. She hadn’t yet seen the world as it truly is, hidden behind her rose-colored lenses. 

Yet still, his heart longs for her. The company she affords him is a great deal of relief to him. It eases his regrets and lifts the burden off his shoulders—allowing a momentary reprieve from his past. 

She is his heart.

(And he will not be as foolish as he once was.)

“Of course, lovely Elena. Please make yourself comfortable.”

[crimson-of-the-earth]

Why I (Don’t)... [A New Annoying Series] Actual Title: Why I Don’t Take Commissions From Strangers Anymore

Hey, guys! So I’ve been in a sort of rant-y mood lately and I’ve just posted a vent a few days ago about why I train for mat wrestling instead of going to wrestling school.

I thought that since I’m probably gonna be posting a lot more of this kind of rant/vent posts, I figured I’d make it a series where I can:

Rant/Vent about certain topics

Answer asks regarding said topic or

Give my thoughts and opinions about certain stuff

Under the cut will be the actual rant so if you’re not into these sorts of posts, either ignore this or blacklist the words ‘rant’ and ‘vent’ so you won’t have to see further installments of this series.

Why I Don’t Take Fanfic Commissions From Strangers Anymore

You guys probably didn’t know this (that’s on purpose since I don’t think my work is good enough. and besides, i don’t have a paypal account) but I take fanfic commissions from either my friends, my family, my classmates, my professors; Basically anyone who is willing to shell out money for my work.

I originally posted my commission prices on my class’ (or ‘block’ as we refer to it here) group DMs. I did the whole 9 yards; I posted to the PE Group, the Western Cuisine Group, the Bar and Beverage Management Group; I posted that commission list to every school/class related group DM I had, and I’m sure I pissed off a few people because most of them were in all of those groups as well so they’d seen the same list over and over again. Sure, my commission list was pretty full, but none of the works I was working with were like more than 2,000 words so I was finishing them rather quickly.

The way I do these commissions is through Google Docs or MS Word and send through e-mail, but the payment has to be handed to me in person the day before I start the commission, either half or full price upfront depending on the trust I have with the client.

Now, it may seem like I’m rambling but all this will make sense in a second.

So, a lot of my clientele (if you could call it that) are people from my friends circle, or people who have the same major as me, same classes as me, or basically just people I interact with on a daily basis and/or know on a basic level. 

I keep this business a secret from my family because I’ll admit it: I don’t like sharing hard-earned money unless it’s important. I know that makes me sound horrible but what I do with the money I’ve earned is treat my mom or my sister or both to go to the mall, maybe buy a few nice things for them to kinda...give back to them. Sometimes, I even tell my mom to just not give me lunch money on certain days because I can buy food for myself, saving her money to treat herself with. If they knew about my “job” as a fanfic writer, they’d constantly borrow money from me that I could’ve spent giving my mom and my sister gifts.

Now that that’s outta the way, onto the actual rant.

Like I said, I take commissions from my classmates who I have the same classes/major with or professors with whom I have classes with. So I know everyone who commissions me in the event of a discrepancy, regarding either the agreed-upon word count, confusion about prices, wanting refunds, etc., etc., they could easily approach me for it or leave a note in my locker with their name, commission details, class/subject we both have, and any concern they might have. (It’s very detailed for a fanfic commission, I know. It would’ve been easier if this was all done digitally but just like with everything else, I need receipts in case of any mishaps that might happen.)

Since I use the same format for new commissions, someone from the IT College (mind you, I’m an HRS/Hospitality & Restaurant Services major) submitted a request note saying that they would like to commission me for a 10,000+ word, multi-chaptered work, and told me to meet up at the school canteen later at lunch that day to discuss details. 

I was already cringing at that point because, let’s face facts here: College students don’t really have any money to spare unless they’re either really rich or they have a part-time job. And the fic they wanted was going to be at least $105 (₱5,600 = $38 + my time [$10] + the extra details they wanted [which estimated around $20 since they asked for basically purple prose descriptions] + the prologue [which costs exactly the same price for a one-shot, 1,000< word fic $5) and I know they aren’t gonna have the money to pay upfront.

When we met up, he told me all the details, that he wanted the prologue to be more than 1,000 words, and I immediately warned them that that would cost extra since the price for a standard, 1000< fic would be $5/₱300 but they still wanted it so their total was now up to $110. 

I know that sounds like an absurd amount of money to charge a college student but mind you, they wanted at least 30,000 words spread throughout 5 chapters, excluding the prologue which was about 2,500, and they wanted it to be as descriptive as I can write it. And also, this was the cheapest I could go for such a lengthy piece, given the client’s situation and my time and expertise. Which means that I have to either rush out other commissions or tell those clients that their commission would be finished at a later date, both of which I didn’t want to do because if I rush a story, it’ll end up not being worth the money I was given. And I don’t want my clients to wait any longer than, say, a week for a 1,000 word fanfic. Fics of that length shouldn’t even take me a week, I finish those in like 1-3 days depending on how many commissions I have, or my personal situation.

Now, back to the absurd commission. I calculated the price right in front of him so there would be no further questions or complaints as to how the price was how it was, and I had them make a recording on my phone saying that they agree with the price, again another safety net for me should anything go wrong.

Now, since the price was a certainly beyond what he could’ve had as his lunch money at the time, I decided to make the mistake decision to let them pay half when I send them the WIP screenschot of the prologue and the rest when it’s done. That way, they’d have more than enough time to save up some of the money since it’d taken me 3 weeks to finish that. I also made him record himself on my phone saying that he agreed to this payment method.

Cue the day I send them the screenshot of the prologue (which was well over a week after the price agreement) and told them “alright, like in our agreement, we can meet up at school so you can pay half like we agreed, then I can finish the entire thing.” Lo and behold, they reply to me with “oh, I don’t have the money yet. It’s been a rough couple of weeks, I had to spend a bit of money to help with tuition and bills and stuff.”

Now, I get it: Life can be a surprising bitch and it’ll spring up awful situations when you least expect it, especially when you’re in college like we were. So, against my better judgement, I let them know that they can pay full price once I’m done, which they again agreed to. I have the screenshots but for my and this client’s privacy, I won’t post them here. (and because I’m too lazy to block the names out of the screenshots)

Well, 3 weeks later and the fanfic was finally done and out of my hair, I asked around the IT professors if the client was one of their students. Guess what? 

Turns out they fucking dropped out of the school one week prior. So I messaged them, politely and professionally, to remind them of the fic they commissioned and they had the fucking balls to say, and I quote:

“Can you just fucking leave me alone? That commission was a prank and you fucking fell for it, loser. Do you actually think that people want to pay for stories? Fuck, I can write the story myself and it would be 10 times better than the commission I had you make for me. Good luck with your failing business, bitch.”

After that, I just...I ripped that asshole a new one, saying that if they could make a better story, why commission for it, even if it was just a prank, bro? I said a lot more but I don’t want to remember that time. It was a bad time for me because it was so upsetting wasting precious time, energy and skill, only to be scammed out of an insane amount of money.

I already knew, even before I started my commissions, that fanfic commissions were gonna be a niche market since, y’know, people already don’t want to pay for a fucking “art piece that I could’ve made myself”, so I prepared myself for the backlash I’d get from outraged people who would complain about me being a “selfish bitch because you charge for a bunch of words on the internet”.

But to be burned this bad is just so upsetting. I literally cried in the bathroom that day because I just felt so stupid for making that one mistake of letting someone outside of my usual clientele circle to not only request a commission but not letting them pay upfront like I always do with other commissions.

Since then, I’ve never let a stranger commission me ever again because I was just so traumatized by it that I don’t want to feel that way again. I never want to feel stupid because I did something out of the kindness of my heart. I don’t wanna be made a fool simply for being nice to someone. 

This was a very long one because it’s such a personal story of mine that just really grinds my gears everytime I think about it.

To the people who do commissions of any kind, (whether it be art, adoptables, fanfiction, YCHs, or whatevs) NEVER BREAK YOUR BUSINESS MODELS LIKE I DID. Especially your payment conditions. I was stupid to do so, so please

Don’t repeat the same mistake that I did.

[vinzesmonologue]

I think its quite normal for us to encounter various form of failure, and the golden rule to continue living is to learn how to bounce back after the downfall. All of us dwell with different demons (because we are demon to somebody else’s as well and that’s the real thing.) on different circumstances and I’ve been there already, and looking forward for the new one will come.

So this morning (even though its night, ’cause you know girl? I am a damn nocturnal, I’m mostly awake at night) I received this particular chat from my sister (anyway, better change your Facebook password now, the cause? if you are curious just browse various tech related latest news articles. Anyway, I know you’re kinda lazy to open a new tab here’s one: [ https://www.rappler.com/technology/features/226374-change-facebook-password-plaintext-password-incident ] Oh God, Facebook, honey what’s wrong?) who eventually will graduate on her senior high year next month. I am very delight that she already passed this first base through college and I can’t contain myself how proud I am to her even though she’s kinda stubborn sometimes. Time fly so fast, before she was that little and now she’s a fully grown b*tch woman. Anyway,  we’re getting too detail now, so I think we have to dive in what I’m trying to say.

So my sister send me that screenshot from a website of the result of her entrance exam on that particular and prominent college. And the result is not actually happy, and after the photo she said that:  “I am a failure“, “…stupid” and alike – anything that sounds discouraging and dramatic — or whatever word you could say when you’re frustrated.  I feel the sadness on the text and the angst of “Is it not enough?” kind of thoughts. Like I’ve said I’ve already been in a lot of failures, and I know she’s not that kind of person ready with that situation, she’s too young and reckless (Blank space baybeh!). At first, I have a hard time to think how to give her a comfort to cope in that shock. Okay, what’s the real tea?, let just admit the fact that it ain’t easy for us to simply move on with a snap of fingers like, girl?? Is it possible? I doubt. I know the story behind of her willingness to pass the test. She actually borrow some accounting books, algebra books, and reviewers to somebody just to make sure she will secure herself to that school. I know the extra effort she allotted to review; she look sometimes insane when she’s talking alone; memorizing those definition of terms, scratches of paper on the floor with tons of erasure of computations and so on.

I simply replied to her  and for those disclaimers: I don’t know if its right but some people says that I am good in giving advice, so back-off,  Sir. Ha! Anyway, back to the regular program, I said, “There’s a lot of school around here, and it doesn’t mean you are failure. It just simply that school is not for you or actually right for you…… God has a purpose in anything, just like you love someone but you can’t have ’cause he may bad for you, or he may hurt you, or it just simply both of you are over. Besides, God knows what’s best to us. Like all people says, just surrender anything to him as I’m doing always, anytime you, mom and everyone in the house give me those things or thoughts that actually drag me down, but guess what? I’m still here because I love you all. Aside that, a single sheet of paper doesn’t define your intelligence same as studying in a prominent school will not give you a lasting reputation and impression of being excellent being. Just work hard and trust yourself b*tch. Now pack up! and look anywhere else. There’s a ton of fishes on the water.” and so on, I give her tons of encouraging word that probably help her to stand up. She has a potential and I can see it peripherally on my sight. I told to her that I am here for her to help which I know in the future my wallet and salary will get compromise and monetary is no longer issue to me as long I lend it with purpose. But that’s how the family goes, and I know (without bragging intention or being boastful) I am the only one now who actually care about her future and I’m deeply begging to God to give me stamina and immunity to work more, and I have a lot of dreams, to her, my family and me as well. Even though I am that bitch devil most of the time, I wish God will give that mercy to give those energy to work more and help them in any other way.

The real tea about this is, don’t settle with single action plan; Plan ahead and do a thousand plans, or probably million plans or back-up plans ’cause who knows what will gonna happen in the future? Kid, I know this gonna be tough for you and everyone to stand up after the downfall but you have to fight for your existence; your future, ’cause life is bad sometimes and you have to be nicer b*tch. You have to stand up and think to those people rooting to you. The family leaning only to you. Activate you sense of purpose – within you and towards to other people ’cause who knows? You may brought huge impact to them.