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givemefevrr · 2 months

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You get me so high all the time (NSFW)

Pairings: Dom!Sunghoon x Best friend Fem!Reader

Warnings: smoking, sex under the influence (its consentual), swearing, smut, praise, face grabbing (?), humiliation, degradation, voyerism, masturbation, pet names (good girl)

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As you sit on the couch in your best friend Sunghoon's apartment, you take another deep drag from the joint he passed you. The room starts to spin a little, the warm, woozy feeling washing over your mind. “Damn, this is some good stuff,” you say with a smug expression, handing the joint back to Sunghoon.

“It was!” You argue, wearing a playful smile as you nudge the man next to you. “Whatever cheap shit you got last time was ass. You got scammed real good.”

“Sure,” Sunghoon scoffed, nudging you back before reaching for his phone to turn on some music.

Slow music always helped your highs feel more intense—more out of it. And the fact that Sunghoon had remembered that after telling him only once during the first time you guys smoked together a couple years ago, made your heart flutter.

Saying that you had a crush on Sunghoon would be a large understatement. Since pretty much the day you first saw him you wanted him to fuck you into oblivion. But you had eventually gotten too close to him, and it felt like you had been reduced to the friend-zone, so your hopes of feeling those slim, pale hands touching you all over went out the window.

That is, until you jump at the sudden contact of Sunghoon’s cold fingers touching you’re face, brushing the hair out of you’re eyes as he just gazed at you, taking another hit and blowing the smoke into the space between you’re faces.

You must have been pretty high by now, because it really looked like Sunghoon was looking at you with pure lust and need. Even as he moves closer to you, his hand lightly touching your thigh, it doesn’t feel real.

Sunghoon takes another puff before leaning in, taking your chin between two fingers and connecting your lips, exhaling into your mouth as you let the smoke enter your lungs.

He must have noticed your startled expression upon pulling back, as he chuckled, cocky.

“Way more fun that way, right?” He asked, but it was less of a question, more of an observation.

You blushed pathetically, simply nodding in reply, your mind preoccupied with the way Sunghoon’s hand was inching its way higher and higher up your inner thigh.

“Can we do that again?” You mumbled, and Sunghoon gave a smug smirk before repeating his previous actions, inhaling the smoke and then connecting your mouths. However, this times, his lips lingered slightly longer, and soon, far too long to be considered innocent—especially when he eagerly began licking into your mouth without warning.

It was sloppy, and definitely way too much spit was exchanged, but honestly, you were both too high to care.

Sunghoon guided you down the couch with one hand while the other held the still lit joint, his lips still on yours as he hovered over you.

He let his free hand roam your torso, sliding up your shirt and gripping onto any part of you that he can. As his hand moves up your back, he felt your lack of a bra strap, smirking into the kiss upon his realization that you had no bra on.

He pulled away momentarily, bringing the joint back to his lips before going back to your mouth. Everytime you feel the smoke and his breath enter your lungs you feel your pussy throbbing more and more with need.

Sunghoon’s hands made their way to your tits, thumbing at you’re nipples, basking in the way you whimpered and squirmed under the touch.

Sunghoon breaks the kiss again and looks into your eyes. “I wanna see you touch yourself,” he says, almost commanding.At first, you hesitate. “What?”

Sunghoon didn’t repeat himself—he knew he didn’t have to. You knew he was being serious, and he was waiting.

So you begin untying you’re sweatpants, and pull them down and off you’re legs, Sunghoon allowing you some movement room. Left in only your panties and t-shirt, you hesitantly slip your hand under the small piece of clothing and start to gently rub over your clit, your eyes locked with Sunghoon's. The touch of your fingers against your soaked cunt immediately made you shiver.

You had stuffed yourself with your fingers to the thought of Sunghoon countless times, but now in his presence, touching yourself felt mildly humiliating.

You rub circles on your clot for a little while, making sure you’re wet enough (as if you wouldn’t be in this situation) and then worked a finger into your pussy with a whine, your head feeling floaty from the weed, adding another soon after.

“Fuck, y/n.” Sunghoon practically moaned, putting his mouth back on yours, and you can tell he almost just as gone as you are from how he has a hard time holding up his own weight.

You start to moan into his mouth and squirm, your fingers trying to move faster—to reach deeper. But they won’t. You’re too high to be coordinated enough for a better speed, and your fingers have never been long enough to reach the places you need them to. “Please, Sunghoon, please touch me,” you beg, your voice trembling, pussy clenching around your fingers at the thought of his touch.

Sunghoon looks down at you condicendingly, cooing “You can’t do it yourself?”

You shake your head desperately.

He continued the same mock pity, dragging his hand lower to where you have been aching for all this time. He pulls off your panties, throwing them with your sweatpants on the floor, leaving you in only your t-shirt.

Sunghoon’s cold fingers trace over your inner thigh, teasingly close to your cunt. After some more of your begging, he begins to rub his middle and ring finger along your pussy lips, circling your cunt a few times, earning a moan from you.

“So pretty, y/n. Do ever think about me like this?” He asks tucking his face into your neck, sucking a few marks into your skin.

“Yes— yes, every time,” you whimper frantically.

“So lucky. Such a pretty cunt, you’ve been keeping it all for yourself, huh?”

You go to remove your fingers, only to be tutted by him. “Nuh uh, keep ‘em in there.” He says, putting out the joint on the glass side table. He then takes your hand and guides it back to your pussy, his fingers joining yours.

You yelp at the stretch. It’s not the most you’ve taken before, but it’s definitely been a while. But the stretch is so fucking good.

He starts to move his fingers, curling them on the pullout before shoving them back in. You try to sync the pace of your movements with his, but you can’t and it’s lowkey overstimulating.

You shut your eyes tight, moaning softly at every thrust. It felt great. Exactly how you fantasized it to be. His fingers were still cold, which if anything made your pussy slick up more.

But Sunghoon's commanding voice snaps you out of your thoughts. “Look at me,” he demands.

You open your eyes and lock gazes with him, flushing upon the realization that he was being serious about his demand. His gaze is dark as he continues to finger you, staring at you intently, slightly panting himself.

“Fuck, Hoon— there, keep going right there.” You gasp as he finds your g-spot and starts to target it relentlessly, making you moan and writhe with pleasure.

After a little, while you manage to slip your own fingers out, allowing Sunghoon to do all the work—which he didn’t seem to have a problem with anymore.

However, what he did have a problem with was how when he started thumbing at your clit and you trembled, moaning, burying your face in his chest. Sunghoon grabs your face, halting his fingers inside you, forcing you to open your eyes with the rough grip on your cheeks and jaw. “If you look away, I'll stop,” he speaks harshly, yet scarily calm. “Do you want that? For me to leave you here, all empty and pathetic?”

You shake your head frantically, the thought of not getting to cum scaring the shit out of your stoned mind.

So Sunghoon lets go of your face after his stern lecture, and his fingers resume their work, faster and rougher than before.

He watches proudly as your face contorts with pleasure, yet you still manage to keep your eyes locked on his.

“That's it, good girl,” Sunghoon praises, your pussy clenching hard around his fingers. “Oh yeah? Feels that good?” He cooed, enjoying the way you fall apart on his fingers.

“I’m— I’m close,” you whine, your breathes erratic as you try to focus on maintaining eye contact.

And soon you are tensing up, your mouth hung open in a cut off moan, cumming all over Sunghoon’s hand.

He continued thrusting his fingers into you until you're completely spent, reduced to a trembling mess in his arms.

Once you come down, his expression softens and he removes his fingers. “See, that wasn't so bad, was it?” Sunghoon says, a smirk on his face as he looks down at you.

You can barely form a coherent sentence, but all you can manage is a nod.

Sunghoon licked his fingers clean, savoring your taste, and a dopey looking, lopsided smile spread across his face, reminding you how high he was as well.

You were about to say something about helping Sunghoon get off too, but before you could say anything, he had dropped on top of you, wrapping you in his arms and sighed contently before closing his eyes to sleep off his high. So you did too.

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#enhypen smut #fem!reader #sunghoon smut #sunghoon #park sunghoon #enhypen hard hours #smut #enhypen #praise and degredation #praise k!nk #humiliation kink #enhypen hard thoughts

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all-mirth-no-matter · 2 years

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Time After Time | Chapter Three

Pairing: Tommy Shelby x Reader, Tommy Shelby x Original Female Character

Summary: With the men back from the war, you’re busier than ever at the pub. Until one night you finally get a proper introduction to the mystery man.

Warning: language, drinking, smoking, war mention, sex mention

ao3 Link | Catch up on tumblr here

Chapter Three: Do I Wanna Know?

Are there some aces up your sleeve? Have you no idea that you’re in deep? I’ve dreamt about you nearly every night this week. How many secrets can you keep? ‘Cause there’s this tune I found that makes me think of you somehow, and I play it on repeat until I fall asleep.

— Do I Wanna Know?, Arctic Monkeys

There were so many things you missed about the 21st century. Today, it was the clothes. You missed lounging around in an oversized t-shirt, no bra, and a comfy pair of shorts.

No such luxury existed in the year 1918.

You hated constantly wearing long skirts and itchy layers and the fact that everything was just constantly dirty. Sometimes you wanted to cry over how much you’d taken your washing machine for granted.

Especially after working twelve to eighteen hour days in the bar, surrounded by bodies, and then having to clean up after those bodies at the end of the night.

You thought the weeks leading up to the soldier’s return had gone by quickly, but nothing truly prepared you for how quickly the weeks after went by. Even with Polly telling you to take a break from the betting house while her nephews eased back into the organization, you had your hands full with how busy the pub was. Every night, even after Harry’s promotion of free ale for those who served ended, the place gradually grew more busy with each day. You were there each morning cataloging sales from the night before and prepping the inventory, and each night sweeping the floors and cleaning tables.

You also began to understand more Harry’s reservations of hiring you. You’d lost count of the amount of times you’d been hit on, proposed to, or asked “how much”. There was only one instance where you had to get physical with a guy. But after some highly effective self-defense moves, you had the drunken idiot on the ground and announced to the stunned room that while the alcohol was for sale, you were not and that the next man to lay a hand on you would have a bloody nose, broken arm, and kicked groin.

After that, you didn’t seem to have a problem with the physical come-ones anymore. It didn’t stop them from verbally coming on to you though, but that you were much more used to handling and you’d found a couple ways to deflect without being harsh enough to drive away the customers.

The nights Harry had you lock up were your favorites. You still had to clean up some of the seriously gross messes people left on the pub floors, but it was the only time in the last few weeks that you’d had any alone time in a big open space. Sure, you had your apartment, but it was small and suffocating and felt almost too empty, giving you far too much room to obsess over your time travel circumstance. Feeling a little more free in the Garrison after hours, you’d spend the alone time doing the one thing that’d been able to keep you calm recently: sing.

Throughout the weeks each night, you tried to go through your catalogue of favorite songs. It originally started as a way to keep yourself mentally sane — especially after one particularly bad night.

Still tormented with trying to figure out how you’d gotten here, you’d completely broken down with a panic attack after trying to go through everything your mother had ever said to you about your prophecy gift. In doing so, you opened a flood gate that ended with your head between your legs as you tried to control your breathing and calm down.

That night, you truly thought that maybe you’d just gone completely mad. Maybe you’d always been in this time and you just got some really weird fever dreamed amnesia? Maybe you’d escaped some mental institute and you were off your meds and you’d somehow convinced yourself you had a whole life in the future? Maybe your mother was some kind of witch and cursed you?

The only thing that calmed you down was singing to yourself and playing the songs in your head to drown out the noise within. It was also a way for you to stay connected with your own time. You started with some of your dad’s old favorites, the classics that you’d grown up with, and then some of your more contemporary favorites.

Tonight, you had a Hozier song stuck in your head.

“I had a thought, dear, however scary, about that night, the bugs and the dirt.

Why were you digging? What did you burry, before those hands pulled me from the earth?

I will not ask you where you came from, I will not ask and neither should you.

Honey, just put your sweet lips on my lips, we should just kiss like real people do.”

You hummed the chorus parts, spinning around with your broom —

—when a silhouette standing at the back of the pub in the shadow finally caught your attention.

You gasped, dropping the broom from your hand, “Holy Jesus fucking— dammit you scared me!”

A short hum left the man’s throat that sounded like a restrained chuckle. He took a step forward and you immediately recognized the intruder.

“You again.”

“Is that going to be your reaction every time we come upon each other now?” he asked, a hook in his brow that resembled something of humor, though it felt very much disingenuous.

The soldier from the train station and canal was dressed sharply tonight compared to the last time you’d seen him — suit with the unmistakable pin stripe shirt and white collar buttoned to the top, vest over top and under a gray suit jacket. A pocket watch chain decorated the front of his vest and on top of his head stood a newsies cap, though you swore the edge of it shined a little as he moved into the light more.

You cleared your throat and matched his pseudo-mirth with a fake smile of your own before bending forward to pick back up the broom. “Last call was an hour ago.”

“My meeting with Harry ran long, he said you’d still be here for just one more drink,” he replied, finally moving into the main room and pulling out a bar stool. “Said you wouldn’t mind.”

“Hmm, very presumptuous of Harry, eh?”

But still, you leaned the broom against the wall and circled the bar to stand in front of the stranger. Under the light more, you could see his face the clearest for the first time since the train station.

God, he really was bloody handsome. In the weeks since you’d seen him by the Cut, you could tell his skin had livened up some, the color slightly tanner with a touch of pink in the cheeks. And the eyes — damn those eyes.

“What’ll it be?”

He watched you watch him, and you knew he was doing the same with you. “Whiskey, please.”

You turned around to look at the bottles. Part of you wanted to go for the Scotch. It was usually the higher-end choice, when the men really wanted to splurge or impress their mates. And he did look quite put together and nice.

But there was something deeper, something rustic and genuine that made your hand pause, then move to the other bottle.

“Irish whiskey,” he rose his brow while you poured. “A good barmaid usually asks for preference.”

“Who said I was a good barmaid?” you asked, half facetiously and half still a little bitter that this man was keeping you from your lock-up. “If you don’t want it, I’ll take it and get you something else—“

“No, that’s fine. Just don’t like people makin’ assumptions.”

“It was a lucky guess. Fifty-fifty shot.”

He rose his brow and considered you, “Is it, though?”

You hummed, a smirk threatening the muscles in your cheeks. Part of you thought he was egging you, but another part felt the question was serious. Chancing it, you decided to answer him seriously. “Sales of Irish over Scotch Whiskey put the odds more at a four-to-one shot, actually. But next time, I’ll ask.”

He held your gaze for a moment at your response, unreadable in his expression until he rose the drink up and gave it a sniff before putting the glass to his lips. “Hmm.” You caught a quick rise in the corner of his lips. “Harry said, by the way.”

“Said what?”

“When you quipped about who said you were a good barmaid. Harry said. Also said you’ve got the place running like a well oiled machine. Said you were like an angel dropped down from heaven.”

“Well that’s far too kind of him to say,” you found yourself actually blushing from his words. Not that Harry wasn’t verbally appreciative of the effort you put into your job, but knowing he’d been bragging about you made you feel quite proud.

“You fuckin’ him?”

Your smile immediately hardened.

Shaking your head, you brought your hand to your face and pressed your fingers into your temple.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” you asked, this time calmer than you had at the canal, but still equally annoyed. “Have you no manners, or do you just go around asking everyone you’ve barely met if they’re a whore or fucking around? Or am I just lucky, yeah?”

Again, he was unfazed at your frustrations to his personal questions, instead choosing the moment to take a second sip of his drink.

“Well?”

“No,” you answered sternly. “Heaven forbid a woman actually be recognized for being good at something without the idea that she only received it because she was sleeping with the boss.”

He exhaled at that, pulling out a cigarette box and choosing one. He brought it to his lips and ran it back and forth between them.

“Well, Polly also said you were smart. Quite good with books and numbers, too. Wouldn’t assume you’re fuckin’ her as well, eh?”

You paused at that, your eyes jumping from his lips to his eyes immediately. Not only had you not expected this stranger to mention Polly, but especially your secret employment.

Who was this guy? Angry better? Family member? You had no idea but you knew you had to play it cool. People around town knew you were friends with Ada and had spent time in her home around her aunt and younger brother, so you tried to play the dumb card.

“And why would Ada’s aunt know anything about my intelligence?” you asked as nonchalantly as you could muster, shrugging your shoulders to emphasize.

“Since I asked her who the hells handwriting was in our family ledgers,” he replied without a beat, lighting his cigarette.

He took a long drag as you held his gaze, taking in the new information you just received.

The man before you, the one you locked eyes with at first sight and had dreams and visions of, who you’d witnessed throw his war medals into the canal, had to be one of Ada’s brothers.

What were the fucking odds. The reality of it made you want to laugh, though you kept your composure before finally speaking again.

“No.”

He rose his brow, “No?”

“No, I’m not sleeping with Polly either,” you replied with just a serious a face as you had before.

That seemed to genuinely break his resolve for the first time since you’d unofficially met the Shelby brother. He actually chuckled, a real one, paired with a drop of his head as he shook it before meeting your eyes again.

“Pol’s pretty insistent of your employment remaining,” he said, back to business but the air felt a twing lighter between you.

You rose your brow, crossing your arms. “So what is this, an interview or interrogation?”

“Depends on your answers to my questions.”

You held his gaze for a moment, a weird and mischievous drive began to pull at your gut. It was weird. The logical side of you was screaming for you to be careful. That this man was dangerous and you needed to run as far from him as you could. But another side of you felt completely safe. It was the same side that hadn’t been afraid down by the Cut, and it was the same side that you knew would absolutely get you killed in a horror movie.

But right now, you decided to lean into that side, mostly out of curiosity and intrigue. And it had absolutely nothing to do with how attractive you found him. Not at all.

Reaching under the bar, you grabbed a matching glass and set it in front of you, filling it with a shot of the Irish Whisky.

“Fancy a drinking game?” you asked, holding up the bottle for emphasis.

His brow creased at your change in subject, obviously perplexed. You smiled before downing the shot and then refilling the cup, filling his own empty glass as well with an equal amount.

“There, I’ve caught up. It’s a game we used to play called Twenty Questions, but the adult version. We each take turns asking questions. You have to answer honestly — if you decide to not answer, you have to take a shot. Now, you have to also answer your own question before the next person’s turn begins, and if you can’t answer your own question or won’t answer, you have to take a shot. Once we hit 20, game ends and no more questions. Interrogation and interview over.”

He listened intently to your game rules, picking up the glass and giving the liquid a stir. “What’s to stop me from not answering any of the questions?”

“Alcohol poisoning,” you quipped.

“And what’s to stop either of us from lying?”

“A handshake, vowing to the honesty of the sacred game of Twenty Questions,” you said seriously, reaching over the bar to offer your hand.

He contemplated, then lifted his hand off the bar to shake. His hand was calloused and tough — you could feel old blisters and cuts hardening as they healed and wondered how much of that was leftover from the war. Lingering for a second longer than socially appropriate, you felt his thumb move against the back of your hand, and a familiar chill ran up your back.

“Agreed,” he finally said, his voice the same kind of deep that reminded you of his parting words to you down at the Cut.

You cleared your throat as your hands finally separated. “Now, since you already asked such a personal question and got an honest answer, I think it qualifies as your first question.”

He rose his brow, amused before removing his hat and leaning back in his chair to get more comfortable. You heard the light tap of something metal hitting the bar top coming from the hat, but his amused exhale kept you from thinking too long on it. “Fine. And I’ll reciprocate by answering honestly that I, as well, am not fucking Harry, nor Polly.”

That actually made you chuckle, the first shot of the whiskey helping to thaw even more of the ice between the two of you.

“Fair enough.” You tilted your head as you decided on your own first question. You hated wasting a question like this, but something inside you needed to know sooner than later. You leaned against the bar on your arms, “I’m aware this is a throw away question, but I’ve gotta know — which Shelby brother exactly are you, then?”

“Thomas. But everyone calls me Tommy.”

The middle of Ada’s three older brothers. You recognized the name from the little bit that Ada and Polly talked of him.

Arthur was the oldest of the Shelby siblings. From what you gathered, he was a bit of a hot head, but Ada swore he was just a big softy at the end of the day.

John was the sibling between Thomas and Ada. You mostly heard his name in reference to his family, apparently the only of the Shelby siblings to be married or have kids so far.

Thomas you hadn’t heard much of outside of the business. His name was brought up in husher tones, often in reference to how a business decision would be handled or a ‘how would Tommy think?’ strategy discussion. And while you were pretty sure it was Arthur who was considered the head of the family business, you got the impression that Tommy ran a lot of the show behind the scenes.

It piqued your curiosity further.

“Nice to properly meet you, Tommy. I’m Y/N, which I’m sure you already knew.”

“Aye, your name is one I’ve heard a lot since we came back,” he said amused, pointing his cigarette at you. “But it was just this last week that I knew who the name belonged to after coming into the pub.”

You weren’t sure if he’d meant to or not, but he’d given you a bit of free information there.

He’d been watching you for at least a week now.

You desperately wanted to ask more, but it wasn’t your turn. After a moment pause, you gestured for him to go.

He cleared his throat, his back straightening some in his chair as he began. “You’re not from around here. I’ve asked around, and aside from Ada, Polly, Harry, and your land lady, Mrs. Tully, no one knows who you are. No one knows where you’ve come from. No one knows why you’re here. No one knows anythin’. I find that a bit odd.”

You rose a brow, “Those aren’t questions.”

He exhaled through his nose. “Where are you from, Y/N? And what exactly are you doin’ here?”

“That’s two questions,” you quipped in a poor effort to deflect some of the more serious energy Tommy had just thrown at you.

You contemplated how to play this. You could take a shot and pray he’d respect the rules of the game. But part of you believed he would press on it, this being one of the main reasons he was finally confronting you tonight after having watched you for a while. Not answering would be highly suspicious, and could jeopardize your chance to work with the Shelby’s again.

Surprising yourself, you realized in that moment that you actually did want to keep working at the gambling house. You thought for sure that given the opportunity, you’d have preferred to avoid the less-than-legal employment to keep your head down and avoid the attention to yourself. But now, all you wanted to do was make a good impression on Thomas Shelby so you could get back in that house and spend time with Ada and Polly… and potentially new Shelby members.

So you definitely had to answer, and you knew you couldn’t lie. You could try, but you had a feeling he’d be able to read you like a book. Plus, part of you didn’t want to lie to him. But you were trying to ignore that particular feeling at the moment.

“I was born here, actually, in Birmingham,” you began. His brow hooked at that bit of information, obviously trying to decipher if he’d ever run into you before. “My parents didn’t stay long, they moved to London and got married. Moved around a lot after that before settling in America for my father’s employment. And now I’m back here. And honestly, I don’t know what I’m doing here. I thought I’d have it figured out by now but I don’t, so my plans currently include staying alive and making a living, and possibly trying to find my way back.”

Your gaze dropped to your hands at your last comment, afraid that making eye contact with him at that moment would cause the tears the prick. And doing that would make you look weak — something you definitely didn’t want, especially right now, in front of him.

Tommy watched you as you answered. You could tell he was watching for any hint of a lie or deceit. After a moment, he hummed and you took that as an acceptance.

“What about you?” you asked, testing the waters a bit.

He took another drag before leaning back in his chair, shoulders dropping slightly. “I have big plans for this family that go beyond this town I’ve spent my life in. And from what I can tell, Birmingham is no place for a girl like you.”

You rose your brow, careful not to say any question out loud and accidentally waste a turn when you could instead silently try to egg him on.

He didn’t take the bait, instead forcing you to take his.

“I guess you’ve learned quite a bit after watching me for weeks now. What exactly have you been watching me for?”

He took another drag. “I was quite angry with a non-family member being involved in our business and with Polly for allowing it. Even if you were supposedly friends with Ada, we have rules.”

He pulled out a piece of paper with rows of names.

“Then she gave me this, and said that this Y/N had uncovered all these people who were stealin’ money or taking advantage of us in some way or ‘nother. She claimed you’d done it without even knowing who they were, just by identifying pattern discrepancies in our books.”

You dropped your head shyly, feeling slightly guilty that your work could lead to someone getting hurt.

“Pol wants to continue your employment, but I wasn’t sold completely on if we could trust you. So I asked around, finally finding you here, workin’ for Harry.” He paused, waiting for your eyes to meet back up with his. He held your gaze as you waited for him to continue. “And I watched you. Watchin’ to see if you were untrustworthy. Watchin’ to see what you got up to when no one was watchin’.”

The revelation that you’d been watched for at least a week now without you knowing made you angry, feeling violated and disrespected, and slightly fearful that you’d actually done something to out yourself.

“And what exactly have you learned?” you asked, deciding to just rip the bandaid now.

Tommy looked down at his drink and for a moment you thought he was going to pass on the answer. He picked up the glass and gave the liquid a swirl before setting it back down.

“Nothing I hadn’t already learned from that night by the Cut,” he replied, the answer an unexpected one. “You’re strong, and put on an air of fearlessness even if a lot of it is a defense. It’s probably what Ada likes most about you,” he smiled slightly at the mention of his sister. “I’ve been impressed with the way you’ve handled this lot,” he gestured around the empty pub. “I’ve seen the same strength and fearlessness in a lot of men on my payroll. But you’re careful, and obviously smart, a combination that we don’t see much ‘round here. You think before you say anything and you don’t give much of yourself away.”

“You seem to do the same thing,” you found yourself saying without thinking, trying not to laugh at the irony when you realized. You back-tracked a little to keep from sticking your foot farther in your mouth. “At least, from the little bit I’ve interacted with you. Though I haven’t been a grade-A stalker about it and watched you when you thought you were alone.”

He smiled at that, though you could tell he was trying to keep from doing it. You wondered if he was going to apologize, but instead continued. “You’re more carefree when you’re alone. I particularly liked the song you sang the other night about dancing.”

Your eyes widened at the realization that Tommy had seen you sing and dance around the pub to ‘I Wanna Dance with Somebody’ by Whitney Houston. That was on a particular night that you took a few shots after a very hard day of work, so your inhibitions were completely out of the picture for that performance.

“Oh god,” you grimaced, lifting your hand over your face as you felt your cheeks burn. “Well, now I’ve been sufficiently scarred and will probably never do anything like that again, even if I believe I’m alone. I appreciate that you tried to spare me further embarrassment by finally revealing yourself tonight, though.”

Tommy shook his head, a short exhale of air through his nose that sounded of amusement without being a full laugh. “Actually, that performance is what made me want to finally meet you, properly. It’s hard to find you threatening after that. Though I couldn’t resist waiting to hear the performance for tonight. An interesting one, it seemed.” He dropped his eyes from yours to his hands, the first time he’d broken the hold before you since he’d sat down. Clearing his throat a little, he shifted in his seat as he asked his next question. “Will you sing the rest of the song for me?”

You were surprised by his request. Outside of singing class as a kid and karaoke nights in college, you rarely ever sang in front of people. Especially to just one person.

Feeling impulsive and slightly bold from the shot, you made your decision. Grabbing your glass, you threw back the liquid.

“Hmm, I take that as a no,” he mused, and you swore you heard a hint of disappointment.

Clearing your throat from the sting of the liquor, you chuckled. “I just haven’t sang in front of people that sober in a long time — I needed a little more liquid courage.”

His brow rose in surprise, meeting your eyes again before you looked toward the piano in the back of the room. Singing without music just felt strange. Luckily, you remembered enough from your piano days to feel confident in duplicating a simple Hozier tune from the song. Despite yourself and the two shots of whiskey, you felt your hands begin to shake slightly as you rounded the bar and walked toward the piano. Tommy watched you in interest as you did so.

“Fuck,” you cursed under your breath as you sat down. You shook your head and arms, mostly talking to yourself as you continued out loud. “What the hell, right? Not like you haven’t already heard me sing all week, eh?”

Testing the piano, you started to imitate the guitar cord progression of ‘Like Real People Do’ to the best of your memory. You tried to remind yourself that Tommy had never heard the song, and would never hear the song in his lifetime, so it didn’t matter how badly you fucked this up. It just had to sound decent enough to pass.

Taking a deep breath, you began to sing.

“I had a thought, dear, however scary. About that night, the bugs and the dirt.

Why were you digging? What did you bury, before those hands pulled me from the earth?

I will not ask you where you came from, I will not ask and neither should you.

Honey, just put your sweet lips on my lips, we should just kiss like real people do.”

You didn’t dare try to duplicate the ethereal choir part of the song, knowing the limitations of your own range, instead letting the piano sing that part for you before jumping into the next verse.

“I knew that look, dear, eyes always seeking. Was there someone that dug long ago.

So I will not ask you why you were creeping. In some sad way, I already know.

So I will not ask you where you came from, I will not ask and neither would you.

Honey, just put your sweet lips on my lips, we should just kiss like real people do.”

The piano, while a bit rusty, sounded pretty good as you played out the instrumental solo one more time before wrapping up with the chorus again. You tried your damndest not to think too hard on how eerie the lyrics seemed to fit in with your current situation.

“I could not ask you where you came from, I could not ask and neither could you.

Honey, just put your sweet lips on my lips, we could just kiss like real people do.”

You played out the final tune, your fingers slipping from the keys before taking another deep breath and turning around, braving to see what he thought.

You could tell from his eyes that he hadn’t taken them off you since you sat down, the depths of them somehow even brighter in color than they had been before. You noticed his Adam’s apple bob before he lifted his drink. “I haven’t heard singing like that since before the war,” he said softly, then slowly emptied his glass. He cleared his throat before gesturing back to the bar. “Was your turn now, I believe.”

>> next chapter << chapter masterlist

#peaky blinders #tommy shelby #thomas shelby #tommy shelby x reader #tommy shelby x oc #thomas shelby x reader #thomas shelby x oc #peaky blinder imagine #peaky blinder fanfic #fanfic #mine #time after time

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olderthannetfic · 11 months

Note

Hey OTNF! It been a while since we talked about your knitting/sweater project, having you made any progress you would like to show us? (I am also a big fan of the knitting and fiber arts discussions on here so I would love to bring a bit of it back - last time this actually got me to pick up a years old project again)

Ooh, what's your project?

I need to update my ravelry with all the stuff I've been working on.

Big picture: I've made a few hats to use up yarn in my stash. My Handsome Chris is still a few inches of body and no more. My Cassidy needs sleeves. I finished my BTS sweater and wore it to Agust D's concerts, but I may go back and add to it because the fit is annoying, and I think it needs both reblocking of the upper arms and possibly some internal pieces added to force it to stop sliding down my shoulders.

Also, a yarn store in Marin went out of business and had a 70% off sale...

So I'm back to square one in terms of trying to reduce my stash. Doh.

But! But! They had things like a couple of little skeins of Reywa Fibers yak down! What I'm going to do with an orange and a saffron skein of yak down, I don't know, but it's cool.

Right now, I'm desperately searching for summer top patterns, but nothing is appealing. They all try to be summery by filling your titty area with GIANT FUCKING HOLES so that it's impossible to wear the thing without another layer. I don't even wear bras, and I want warm weather clothing, not a layering piece, for fuck sake. Most also have fucktons of lace across the peak sunburn zones on the tops of one's shoulders and upper arms. Also, sleeveless is not actually cooler. It's just more skin cancer-y.

Texture, motherfuckers! That's what belongs on your summer top, not FUCKING HOLES!

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allieebobo · 10 months

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To the person who recommended Cœur de pirate's Place de la République in the poll:

Not an ask but I just wanted to thank you for sharing the song (loved the music video as well) It really reminded me of visiting an ex in Paris for a couple of days while I was doing my master's in the UK.

It was late November and colder than Paris has any right to be and I have this distinct memory of walking down the Seine at night, shivering (as usual) and wondering if maybe letting her go without more of a fight was the worst decision I ever made in my life, and whether it was too late to do something rash (also on-brand).

Spoiler-alert, after those couple of days I went back to the UK feeling like I'd gotten a glimpse of what life would've been like if we'd stayed together, and although it was sweet and tender and everything I'd imagined it to be, it would never be reality. So I went back and finished the 5,000-word essay that I had left to the very last moment, and let the week together fade slowly into memory like a good dream.

So, yup, if your intention was to remind me of those times, you succeeded congrats, you won the game. (Extracted the lyrics that really hit me—Google-translated, I'm so sorry it probably only sounds 20% as good as the original—below the cut.)

P.S. That ex is 50% of Nat in the Merry Crisis universe. Also, probably the reason why there's a French exchange student who leaves MC at the end of the year in CT:OS. Aight, now y'all know more about me than you ever asked to hahaha.

And I don't know if you're worth it anymore It's rather hard to be sure

Et je ne sais plus si tu en vaux la peine C'est plutôt dur d'en être certaine

And as you can see it's the end I must cross the ocean tomorrow morning From your arms I will slide out ever so gently And it's reality that awaits me I know your heart is already inhabited by one or more girls that have marked you

Et comme tu vois c'est bien la fin Je dois traverser l'océan demain matin De tes bras, je m'arracherai tout doucement Et c'est la réalité qui m'attend Je sais ton cœur est habité Par une ou d'autre fille qui t'ont marquées

#if #asks #merry crisis #Nat #Qiu I guess #song recs #author-related I suppose #G #CT:OS ish

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teribst · 3 months

Text

What's the Difference

A STORY BY

MIKE

Jennifer was born on May 19, 2020. I had stood by, an 18 year old boy-man, the wall watching the miracle of birth as my beautiful wife Kim struggled with her labor. It was so sudden, and there she was, our baby girl baby came out of her mom, and I watched as a nurse quickly took her from the doctor. She sucked some gunk for her nose, rubbed some cream over her eyes then still covered in gunk she wrapped the baby in a towel. That's how she brought my Jinny to me, “Here, hold her while we clean up her mom.”

I knew something was wrong when another nurse took the baby from my arms, saying, “Come with me and let’s get the baby cleaned up.”

Twenty minutes later, I was told Kim had hemorrhaged, and there was nothing they could do to stop the bleeding. She had passed away without ever getting to hold or see Jinny.

I was crushed and it was crazy hard at first, but soon enough, I got my act together, and while I missed her mom a lot, a lot, Jinny became the center of my world.

We went through it all together, colic, learning to walk, the cuts, bumps, scrapes, and bruises. She was about 3 when the tubes were put in her ears, and then at 7 had her tonsils out. And along the way, we did all of the girl stuff, you know, dance lessons, swimming, girly things, but it was never long to last, because she soon would lose interest. So we would move on to something else.

She was 9 when she came home from school and said she wanted to play softball. They had played a game in her gym class at school, and she loved it.

And so softball it was. She was on the school team and joined the city girl's softball league and flourished at it. I was having a blast watching her grow and took her to every game and ball practice you could think of, and though it all we had become inseparable.

We’d had the same pediatrician since she was a baby, and when she was, if I remember right, she was just going into JR high school she had to have a sports physical. I, of course, went to the room with them, and as they went through the exam, DR. Renay closed the curtain for part of the exam and I could hear she was asking Jenny all kinds of questions through the curtain. After the curtain was pulled open, Jinny smiled at me as I made faces at her behind the doctor's back. Finally, she couldn’t hold it in any longer and burst out laughing. She looked at Renay, “I’m sorry, but my ass-hat dad is sitting back there making faces at me. It’s something he started doing when I was little to get me to relax when we came to see you.” She looked at me, “Daddy, I’m not five anymore.”

Chuckling, the doctor rolled on her stool over to her small desk and began typing on her computer. “Well, I don’t think that's such a bad thing.” She turned on her stool and smiled at me. Then she turned to Jenny, “Jenny, honey are your breasts sore? It didn’t seem like it when I examined them, but I still need to ask.”

“Sometimes at night, but not bad, or I would have told Dad.”

Renay turned back to me, “Ok, the doctor part is never over, but now I'm talking to you as both a doctor who is also a woman. She looked at Jenny. You’re starting to develop and change into a young woman. That's why they seem a little sore. So as time goes by and your breasts grow, they are going to hurt. Um, no, they can be really painful, we hope not, but anyway, they will start to hurt. When you get home from school or baseball or wherever, a couple of Tyonal will help, and you ice them just like any other sore muscle, believe me, it will help.” She held up her hand and began to move it. “Also, by moving your hand in a slow circular motion like this, you know the drill, wax on wax off, doing it gently rubbing them much like a sore muscle in your leg or arm.” She looked at me, “I think Jenny will know when she wants to wear a bra every day, but in the meantime, as she develops, you may want to think about getting her a couple of sports bras to kind of help with all of the bouncing around involved with baseball.” She looked back at Jenny, “And it’s not going to happen tomorrow, but I checked, and while your hymen is still intact and in place, it is torn. I’m guessing that's from the vigorous activity of baseball. But anyway, I would suggest using tampons when you start having your period. They are not as messy as a Kotex and also help to keep any odor away from down there. Oh, and honey, I would keep one and a pair of panties in my bag just in case.” She reached up and took the paper she had printed out of the printer and smiled as she handed it to me, “Any girl things I can help you with, please call me.”

On the way home, I asked her, “What do you want to do for dinner?”

She smiled, “I think a hot fudge Sundae would be a nice holdover, and then later on, we could order something and just eat in.”

“We can do that.”

Later we ordered Chinese food, and after it was delivered, I called back to her in her room, “Foods here, honey.”

It wasn’t anything different than she had done at least a million times before. She came out of her room in nothing but her white cotton panties.

In fact, for her whole life, both of us had spent a lot of time just barely dressed, if we dressed at all. She saw me looking, and I guess I had got a funny look on my face. We had a habit of eating at the coffee table while sitting on the floor, and she was quiet as we blessed the food and began to eat. I asked, “What's wrong?”

“ When Dr Renay asked, I didn't want to say anything but my boobs really hurt. I guess that I am afraid things are going to change just because I’m growing boobs. We, you and me, have been who we are my whole life, so what’s the difference if I get boobs or not?”

I sat quietly and ate as I mulled over what she had asked, “I guess there isn’t any. I just don’t want to be creepy, Daddy.”

She laughed, “I’ll let you know.”

A few nights later at bed time I was walking past Jinny's bedroom and her door was open. “Dad.”

“Ya.” I went back leaning on her door jam looking at her laying in the dim light from the door. She was covered to her waist with the bed sheet.

“I’m out of Curel, do you have any?”

“Sure, hold on and I’ll get it for you.”

A couple of minutes later in my boxers I walked back into her room saying, "Here ya go.”

“Will you do it for me?”

“I don’t know honey, I…”

“Dad, you have been touching me in one way or another all my life. I think you trying to make my boobs stop hurting so bad will be ok.”

I didn’t say anything, I just sat down on the side of the bed and put some of the sweet smelling lotion in my hands and rubbed them together. I started with her left breast and began to move my slick hands over it. I felt it as her light pink nipple grew hard under the palm of my hand and took my right hand putting it on her other breast. I rubbed them in a circular motion like the doctor told us to do, “Are you ok?”

“Um hum.” I saw the slight smile come to her lips, “But are you?”

“Yes,” I don’t know what made me do it, but I pulled on her nipples just a little, “But I think this is something you could do.”

“It is, but I like this better.”

And so it became something we did every night right before lights out.

The next big event came at her Saturday baseball game. She had gotten a good swing and hit the baseball hard. I sat watching her and knew she was running full steam trying to turn a double into a triple. I was yelling but in my head I was, “Come on you got it come on!” Then as she got close to 3rd base she dropped onto her butt going for a foot first slide into 3rd base. It happened so fast, the cleat on her left shoe somehow snagged and set tight in the dirt, and the momentum of her slide turned her sideways in a spin and as her hand slid across the base she let out an almost blood-curdling scream. Her body had turned but her stuck foot meant that her leg didn’t. Suddenly all she could do was lay on her side crying out while her hands were around her thigh holding her leg.

When I got to her besides the pain there was fear in her eyes, “Daddy it hurts so bad!”

I know it was only a few minutes but it seemed like an hour before the ambulance got to us and a couple of hours later we rolled out of the hospital with her leg in a brace from her ankle to her hip. The doc said it was a very severely pulled hamstring. He wanted her off her feet for about a week and then to start slowly walking on it. He said she would be able to take the brace off if she was laying around but had to have it on to walk, and she would be in the brace for at least a month.

His prescription was to keep it elevated for at least a few days, put ice on it, and massage it.

We got her home and thank the lord the Tylenol with codeine had time to kick in, I don’t know that I could have got the five-foot-six-inch young woman in the house if I’d had to try and carry her 125 pounds of muscle.

I said, "It’s almost a toss-up between your bedroom and the recliner.”

“Nope I want to be out here with the big TV.”

And so that's where she was, and that's where she slept that first night.

And I slept in mine not 5 feet from her.

I was in the kitchen making coffee when I called my office and took the next few days off from work. It wasn’t hard, hell I own the company, and my secretary of 6 years told me not to worry, she had everything under control and would call if she needed me.

I had just put down my cell when Jinny called out, “OH! OH SHIT! DAD!”

Her eyes were big when I got to her, “What is it?”

“I got to pee!” I got her crutch and pushed the recliner down. I had just got her to her feet and she began to cry, “Oh daddy I'm sorry.” and pee began to run down out of her panties.

“It’s oh honey it’s not the first time I have had to clean you up, we got this. Can you stand there while I get some things?”

She leaned onto her crutch, “Yes,” she ran her hand over her face and pushed her blond hair back out of her wet with tears eyes. I came back in with a warm wet washcloth and I sat the towel I had brought in with me on the arm of her chair, “Daddy, I know you have done this before but not that I can ever remember.”

I was on my knees in front of her, “You were three when you were housebroken.” As I pulled her little bikini panties down I realized they were not going to fit over the massive plastic leg brace, “I’m going to have to cut the side of your panties to get them off.” I pulled out my razor-sharp pocket knife and a half second later her panties were in the puddle of pee on the floor. I did everything I could to keep this whole thing from being any more humiliating for her than I knew it already was, and working quickly I had her all washed up and was helping her sit back down on the recliner with a clean dry towel under her butt.

I got her a rubber scrunchy for her hair with a brush and as she fixed her hair I went in got a cup of coffee and made us some ham and eggs. The rest of the morning I puttered around the house cleaning and picking up, then at lunchtime ordered pizza for us.

Talking over a mouth full of pizza she said, “You didn’t say anything.”

I instantly knew what she was talking about, “What should I have said about what?”

“That I have hair down there, crap Dad it's on my legs and under my arms and, well, just, well it’s everywhere! I mean dad it’s even in my butt crack.” She looked me in the eyes, ”Don’t sit there and act like you didn’t see it.”

“Yes I saw it, and no I didn’t bring it up because I didn’t want to embarrass you any more than you already were.”

“I’m ok, I guess it helped that you didn’t make a big deal out of any of it.” She looked at me, “Most of the girls, well I’d say all of the older girls shave everything.” She shoved more pizza into her mouth, “I read that shaving isn’t a thing in Europe.” She shrugged, asking, “What’s the difference?”

“Well, it's cleaner. I mean it's hard enough to keep the folds in a girl's pussy clean and dry without it being all wet and covered in pee. In my mind no matter how much you wipe it, unless it's washed with water, it still has pee in some places. I would guess that between your legs and under arm pits kinda go hand in hand with that whole smelly thing, but shaved legs are just more feminine.” I pointed to my very hairy legs, “You don’t want to look like this.”

Jenny smiled, “I have never heard you say pussy before.”

I chuckled, “What should I call a woo hoo?”

She laughed out loud, “No and it’s not a pee pee either it’s a dick.”

“You're pretty smart for a girl that's still peeing in her panties.”

She tossed some pizza crust at me laughing, “That’s not fair.”

“Mr. King, this is Tammy Higens, the school nurse. I need you to come and pick Jinny up here in my nurses office at the school.”

“Is she hurt, or sick?”

“No, no it’s nothing like that. She has a bit of a mess, and is embarrassed, so I think she should just go home.”

The light of understanding came on, “I’ll be there in, um 20 minutes.”

“No rush, she is fine in here with me. I have her doing some filing for me.”

When I got there she had a gym towel wrapped around her waist. She smiled at me saying, “Thanks Miss H.”

Miss H, a very fine looking woman about 35 smiled at her. “You're very welcome.” She looked at me, “She was pretty well prepared, but sometimes the first time can be a lot. You can be proud of her. She handled it all very well.”

At the truck Jinn smiled at me, “Do you know the difference between a boy and a girl?”

“No, what is it sweetheart?”

“Boys don’t try to bleed to death once a month or have to ask their dad to take them to buy a bra.”

It was 3 days before her 14th birthday.

A few weeks later we were having a dinner of BBQed brisket, smoked corn and brown beans. “Daddy we need to talk about things, and I have questions.”

“OK, I’m ready.”

“I had some pretty bad cramps during my period. I wanted to know about it and called Dr. Renay. She is such a sweet woman, but anyway she told me that birth control might help with that. She said the one she would want to give me is called Nexplanon, she explained it as a kind of a capsule that is about a 16th of an inch long placed under the skin of the under part of the arm,” she pointed to herself just below her armpit, “Right here.”

“I’ll talk to Rena about it, but just because I let you do it doesn’t mean you can, well, become sexually active.” I took a bite of brisket, “What's next?”

She smiled, “You don’t have to worry dad. There is only one guy I would ever want to screw and he is totally clueless.” Her eyes searched my face as she went on, “I looked it up on google but I don’t really understand anything about circumcision.” She took up a spoon full of beans, “Why in the world would you do that to yourself or your baby boy? And what's the difference?”

“That kind of came from out in left field didn’t it?” I chuckled, “Ok, well, Jewish people do it to their boys when they are babies. I don’t know enough about Judaism to tell you why. And I have no idea why American women do it to their kids. Some people say it's because it's cleaner. And if you ask someone they will say, oh it doesn't hurt and they won't remember it anyway. That's bull shit. It hurts like hell and I don’t care if they remember it or not.” I looked at her, “I think, hell I don’t know what I think. There are a bunch of nut jobs out in the far eastern deserts, that take their little girls and cut out their clitorises. I read they do it so they can’t enjoy sex. Also up until I think the middle 60 the doctors right here in the U.S. did what they called sexing. If a little girl was born with a button that they deemed to be over sized she was operated on and made into a boy. Same with a baby boy, if he was born with a small penis they would change him into a girl. Tell me that wouldn’t screw them up in the head, always being a boy but wondering why you want to do girl things. Anyway it's all screwed up however you look at it.”

She frowned. “Well thank you for not doing that to me, I like mine,” She chuckled, “A lot.” Her eyebrows wagged up and down at me, “I have seen you and you're not ‘CUT’ are you?”

“No I’m not.”

“Will you show me, what’s the difference?” I kind of gave her a look, “Oh daddy I have seen it before, I just want to know more.”

“Jinnifer.” She stuck out her bottom lip in a pout, “Well shit.” I stood up pushing my boxers down as I did. I watched her lean forward looking “It doesn’t look anything like the cut ones I have seen on the internet.” I couldn’t seem to stop it and as she looked I began to stiffen. Without looking away she asked, “What does skinning it back mean?” By this time I wasn’t quite half hard, “And does it feel rubbery?” Her hand came out so quick I hardly saw it, and then she took me in her hand. “Oh it’s so soft!” She slid her hand down toward my balls pulling the loose skin with it and the head of my dick slipped out of its sheath, “Oh skinning it back, ok I get it.”

I was getting harder in her hand “Ok honey, you have seen it and need to stop.”

There was something in her eyes, “Does it get harder, um it’s big but if it’s all the way hard is it bigger?” Her hand was moving slowly over my shaft, pulling, pushing and lifting it close to her face as she was looking at it.

My mind was screaming, “Step back. Just pull away.” And again it was so quick I had no time to respond, “Shit Jenny, I’m sorry baby I’m gonna cum!” She moved closer to it and suddenly I was in her mouth and she was sucking it, her hand was moving on my shaft as I emptied pumping rope after rope into her sucking mouth. I wasn’t me in my head as I pulled her up to her feet pulling her to me as my lips found hers. She still had some of my seed in her mouth as I slipped my tongue between her lips. I pulled back looking at her, “God what did you do? I’m so sorry I let that happen, so sorry. Oh honey I didn’t mea….”

“Daddy it wasn’t you. It was me and you did just what I wanted you to do.”

It was a couple of days before I could talk to her. I was angry at myself for letting it happen. I was angry at Jinny for doing it and again I was angry because I had wanted it.

I walked in and sat on the coffee table in front of her, “Jinny, we need to talk.” I watched her eyes search my face and saw hurt in them. “Honey I hope you can forgive me for what I let happen the other night.” She didn’t say anything, she just looked at me. I guess, well it was, shit if any one ever found out about it I would be put in jail and you would be living with your grandmother. Its incest and its gainst the law in almost every country on the planet. Honey I’m not going to sit here and lie to you and tell you I didn’t want it, I did. And I‘m not going to lie and tell you I didn’t like it, I did. But I am going to tell you that it can’t happen again.”

She scowled at me a little, “What's the difference between making love and being taken?”

“Making love is kind, gentle and caring, simply letting the heat of lust take you where it will. There is no love in being taken. It just plan and simple I’m going to bend you over the table and fuck you and your wanting me to do it. Its just plain old fucking between 2 people that are really hot for each other.”

She gave me a look. “I love you. You just let me know when you're ready, I’ll be here.”

“Oh sweetheart.” I sighed in resignation, “If only it was that simple.”

Things almost but not quite went back to normal. It was her eyes, and for the most part was that when I looked into them I could see the look in them looking at me with my cock in my mouth. That I knew would be forever burned into my brain.

Time moved on as it always does and Jenny went to the University Of Texas on a softball scholarship. She made the hour drive back and forth every day and as she became more mature she took the house completely over and made us a wonderful home.

I’d had one hell of a hard day out in the 100 degree Texas heat with no shade. I was so hot when we stopped work at 3:30 in the afternoon I was so shaky I was a little afraid to drive home.

I made it and the truck's AC seemed to help, but I almost collapsed as I walked in through the living room door. Jenny was instantly there, “What's wrong, crap dad your face is bright red. Here, sit here, I’m calling an ambulance!”

I sort of smiled, “I'm just too hot that's all. I’ll get into the shower and sit under some cool water for a while. That should fix me up.”

I was moving to the bedroom and my shower when she turned me into hers saying, “I have the shower bench in mine.”

She was flurry of movement and somehow I was naked and sitting under not cold but very cool water. She left me alone for a minute and came back asking, “Are you cramping anywhere?” She held out a bottle of pickle juice. “Drink this and let's see if we can get your potassium up.” I sort of smiled remembering me thinking the coach was crazy when he gave the girls all pickle juice on hot days in the sun playing softball.

Then she was naked and in the shower with me and staring at my feet began to rub them then up my legs, working up and down from one leg to the other, “This will get the blood moving through you so it can cool off.” From some place she came out with a thermometer, “Tongue up.” She looked closely at me, “Your face isn’t so red,” She pulled the thin glass tube out of my mouth, “And you're down to a 100.” She still had concern on her beautiful face when she looked at me “Just sit here for a few more minutes while I’m out getting something cold for you to drink.”

I sat there with my eyes closed for I don't know how long, more than just a few minutes I think and relaxed a little when Jenny came back. She was still naked of course, and beautiful, so fucking beautiful. “Ok DA, let's get you outta there and all dried off. She stepped into the shower, shut the water off before turning and offering me her hand. “Just step onto the mat and I’ll get you all dried off.”

At the time I was just a little light headed and was thankful for the help and to be honest her drying my back seemed to make my skin tingle. She ran the towel over me everywhere, even letting her fingers slide the towel between my but cheeks, “Ok turn for me.” And again she started at my feet working up until she reached my balls, I closed my eyes at her touch as it became cottony soft as she gently caressed them, and it was amazing when her hand went to my dick, and I moaned “mmmm.” as she gently dried it even skinning it back to get under the skin. She felt me begin to lengthen in her hand and stood up looking into my eye as she dried my belly. But it was as her hands found my chest that she leaned in and I made no effort to stop her as she kissed me very softly.

She was a little breathless when she stepped back, “Um…I have some lemon aid for you in the living room and I ordered Pizza for us.” She picked up a T-shirt, “Here slip this on, I’m afraid once you start to warm back to normal you might get a chill.”

The doorbell rang and I watched Jenny as she slipped on a t-shirt that was just a little longer than her butt cheeks leaving them barely covered when she went to the door and paid for the pie. She sat everything up and when I slipped off my chair down onto the floor I found I was suddenly starving. The rest of the evening she kept a very close eye on me making sure I was doing better.

Bed time came around and I was standing naked in my room. I was just turning to sit on the side of the bed when she came into the room. I smiled at her, “Honey I’m ok and I’m pretty sure I can tuck myself in.”

She gave me a look. “This won’t be the first time you and I have slept in the same bed so hush.” She pulled the T-shirt off over her head letting it drop to the floor. “Besides, what difference in the way the world spins will it make?”

I couldn’t help myself and it wasn’t lost on her that I had stiffened as I watched her pull the sheet back. I said nothing and got in bed as well.

The lights had been off for a few minutes and I was laying on my back when I felt her turn and move over closer to me. Her lips seemed to be very close to my ear and she spoke very softly, “tell me daddy do you remember us snuggling when I was little?”

“Yes,” I smiled into the dark, “yes and I loved it.”

“So did I.”

She moved over on her side and as she laid her head on my shoulder like she always had her now full breast mashed into my chest as her leg bent coming to rest on top of my madingley hard cock. “Do you know what the difference is between now and then?”

As though it had a mind of its own my hand went to her back and began moving slowly up and down it, “No what the difference?”

It was kind of in one move as she came over me taking my dick in her hand as she rose up placed it at her opening and slowly slid down on me, “I wasn’t going to fuck you back then, but honey I am now.”

Once I was in her as deep as she could get me she sighed, “I have wanted to feel like this for fucking ever!” She began to move sort of grind her clit into my pubic bone, “Oh yes, yes,” It came to her slowly “oh god o god AAAAA” She jackhammered into me as she came again, “Oh oh, oh god Oh god yes aaaaaaaaaa.”

“Jenny,”

“Yes oh yesss cum with me aaaa, oh so hot, so burning hot. Aaaa”

And her chest came to rest on mine as I felt the inside of her trembling.

I was still in her and hard as her lips found mine and she moaned softly into me. “Mmmm” she broke the kiss giggling, “Daddy can I have more?”

At this point I would love to say we fucked for hours and while I did last longer the second time she did came on me I don’t know how many times.

The next morning we slept late and when I woke her it was with kisses on her lips, then her breasts, tummy and down over her hairless mound. She didn’t last long when my tongue found her clit and I stayed with her as she was grunting while humping into my face, her hands on the back of my head pulling me closer.

When she relaxed a little I kissed my way up her body and easily slipped into her sheath sliding deep into her belly as I kissed her letting her taste herself on my lips. She had still been close from her cum and came again as I was sliding in. “oh, Oo yesss, fuck me.”

And I did long slow and steady with her crying out over and over as she came. “When I couldn't hold it anylong I pushed deep into her belly “OOHSIT JENNY!”

Her arms went around my neck as her legs came up around my waist locking me into her. She whispered into my ear, “I love having you in me like this. I moved to kiss her as softly as I could while she held me like that until I grew soft and slipped out and she whispered “I love you.”

“Don’t move, I’ll be right back.”

I went down the hall to my office and the lock box. She was sitting up Indian style on a folded towel and she was smiling when she looked at me, “No one ever told me you would make such a mess out of me.

I chuckled, “Sorry.” as I moved back onto the bed and facing her with my right foot tucked up under me and sat facing her while placing a small wooden box between us. I opened the box “This ring belonged to your grandmother.” I laid it on the bed and looked at her, “Jenny, shit I don’t know where to start.”

“Just tell me.”

“I would love it if you got your nipples and belly button pierced and I would also love for you to wear this ring in your button.” I reached into the box taking out another ring “Give me your left hand.” And I slipped the ring on her finger. “I guess if you and I are going to live as husband and wife you should wear your mothers ring.”

I saw tera come to her eyes, “Oh yes, yes I can think of nothing I could ever want more than to live as your wife and for us to take care of each other just as we have always done.” She tilted her head to the side “But after tonight,” She grinned, “you will be called Mr. or husband by me. Oh how I have wanted you to be my Mr. and yes I’ll happily get the piercings done for you.” She shook her head, “But right now I want a bowl of ice cream and your scooping.

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lovemesomesurveys · 1 year

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Have you done any of the same things as me? [2022 Edition] by joybucket experienced something amazing and miraculous? 🤩 I mean, although I still have a ways to go there has been some significant progress.

switched to a new primary care doctor? Not technically, but my primary doctor has another doctor working there as well and the last couple times I’ve gone I’ve seen her instead. I don’t know if it’s a permanent switch, though.

tried a new medication? 💊 Yeah, several. I was put on a few in the hospital for some things and then when I got out my primary prescribed me anti-anxiety and anti-depressant medications.

felt afraid to leave the house? That’s how I kinda feel right now. I just don’t feel comfortable or ready to do so.

had a new neighbor move in? Not the neighbors right next to door to me on either side, but I don’t know about the rest of the neighborhood.

met a new neighbor? No. I don’t know any of my neighbors.

read the entire Bible? 📖 I didn’t last year, but I have before a couple times.

had a smoothie that tasted really, really good? 🍹 I didn’t have any smoothies.

had some significant health issues? Uh, yeah that’s an understatement. Last year was horrific.

made a lot of surveys? I don’t make surveys.

taken a lot of surveys? Yeah.

gave yourself a significant haircut? 💇‍♀️ No, that was two years ago when I chopped it super short.

discovered a new YouTube channel you really liked? Yeah.

discovered a new favorite book? 📖 I didn’t read nearly as much as I normally do last year, but I read a few books and enjoyed them all.

re-read a book you really liked? 📖 Except for the Bible, I don’t re-read books for some reason.

debated reaching out to someone and asking for prayer, but didn't? 🙏 No.

started taking a new birth control pill? Nope. Never have.

experienced anaphylaxis? No.

...and then had to be on Prednisone for three months because of it? --

gained weight from a medication? Well, sort of in a roundabout kinda way. Like, that’s not the intended purpose, but it helped in other ways that helped me gain some weight.

...and then lost some of it once you were off the medication, but not all of it? My weight has been a big issue the past few years and while I have gain some weight, I’m still underweight. It’s taking awhile.

discovered you had steroid-induced diabetes? No.

daydreamed a lot? 💭 Yeah.

had overdue library books? 📚 No. I haven’t even been to the library since I was a teenager.

worn a mask? 😷 Yes. I wear one anytime I go somewhere.

worn a mask when cleaning, because you're allergic to dust mites? 😷 No.

went days without washing your hair? Yes. The most days I went was during my hospital stay.

felt overjoyed one day and then depressed the next? Not overjoyed, but decent. I have chronic depression, but there’s days that aren’t as bad or are bearable. With my medication I kinda just feel numb. I’m not crying all the time or feeling on the verge of tears all the time so there’s that.

thought about how much you missed going to church? ⛪️ Yes. I’ve slacked off the past month and I’m not proud of that. I also would really like to be able to go in person someday.

thought about how much you missed painting? 🖼 I don’t paint. However, I did actually do some arts and crafts that involved painting a few weeks ago with my aunt.

....and thought about how you'd like to start painting again? 🎨 I mean, little arts and crafts type stuff can be fun like what I painted last time were these cute little wooden boxes. I can do type of stuff, but I’m not a painter or artist.

found out that someone got hit by a car and died while crossing a street that you cross all the time? No. enjoyed watching the snow fall? ❄️ It doesn’t snow here. :(

wished you had a car? 🚘 I don’t drive, so I really have no need for one.

talked to your mom on the phone? 📱 Yeah.

talked to your mom online? 💬 No.

realized none of your bras fit you anymore? No.

received a package in the mail? 📦 Yeah, stuff I ordered online.

started watching Youtube Shorts regularly? No, I’m not into the shorts.

practiced self-hypnosis? 😵 No.

discovered a new food you really liked? I discovered I liked Cream of Wheat, which isn’t exciting, but it’s good and easy to eat for breakfast. Also, I didn’t discover wings and bean burritos last year, but I’ve been really obsessed and enjoy them more now than I did before. After my 3-month stay in the hospital and not being able to eat or drink anything, plus getting more nutrients and stuff, i’ve enjoyed food more than before. They taste better. Before, eating had mainly become a chore and it was really hard for me. It wasn’t something that I found enjoyable.

discovered your bike had a flat tire? 🚴 I don’t have a bike.

made a new playlist of songs you really liked? 🎶 No, but I added a few songs to my main playlist.

got rid of a ton of old clothes? 👚 Yeah.

ran/walked a Christmas-themed race? 🏃‍♀️ No.

watched your city's Christmas parade? We don’t have one.

enjoyed eating salads? 🥗 I haven’t had a salad in years.

enjoyed eating chocolate pie? Not a chocolate pie person. I was obsessed with cheesecake for a bit when it was one of the few things I could eat when I was able to slowly start eating again.

celebrated Thanksgiving alone? No.

celebrated your birthday alone? No, my mom, dad, and brother visited, but I was in the hospital and that sucked. Plus like I’ve said many times, I was unable to eat or drink anything or even do anything.

didn't really have a good birthday? No, I didn’t.

almost died multiple times? Uh, not multiple, but twice...

enjoyed reading the Bible? 📖 I didn’t read it much last year.

danced around your living room? 💃 No.

written in cursive? ✍️ Only when signing my signature.

written in a journal? 📓 Yes.

written in a one-line-a-day journal? 📔 No. Also, while I did write in an actual journal a bit while I was in the hospital, these surveys are like my journal entries as well.

accidentally dropped a dish and broke it? No.

went for a walk through the cemetery on Halloween? No.

not brought your camera with you somewhere, and then wished you had? 📸 I use my phone’s camera, so I always have it.

discovered a new really good book? You asked this already.

read a book with a character named Simone in it? No.

had a doctor get irritated with you? I kinda feel like one nurse did.

had a doctor not believe you about something? Not to my knowledge.

broke out in acne all over your face? No.

found out one of your friends had COVID? 🦠 My parents, brother, and I all did last year.

wondered if you had COVID? 🦠 Yeah, and I did.

played Mahjong on your phone? 🀄️ I have no idea what that is.

used a lot of emojis? 🦄 🤪 💃 I wouldn’t say a lot. Some people get too emoji happy, I tend to use them more sparingly as I see fit.

wore a cheetah-print mask? Nope.

worshiped God? 💃 Yes.

uploaded some new photos to Facebook? Yeah, during our trip for my dad’s birthday. That was the last time I traveled before shit really hit the fan and I wound up in the hospital.

sorted through some old photos on your computer? No. I don’t even have any photos on here cause It’s my brother’s laptop. Although, I only had like a few on mine cause I save photos on my phone.

wondered why your fridge was making funny noises? No.

gone for lovely and enchanting walks in the fall? 🍁 No.

wore the same outfit for days? Yes.

worn slipper socks? Yes.

gone out to eat with your parents? Yeah, during that birthday trip I mentioned.

enjoyed looking at your friends' baby pictures on Facebook? Sure.

wondered what one of your friends was going to name her baby? I don’t have any friends. In the previous question I was just referring to my Facebook “friends.” I haven’t thought about what they were going to name their babies.

wished someone would invite you to church, but no one did? No. I’d go on my own if I were able to.

took more medication than you were supposed to when you were in severe pain? Yes. I definitely had more in the hospital.

wished autocorrect didn't make so many annoying errors? it can be annoying sometimes.

wished your cramps would go away? Of course.

enjoyed having a conversation with a random stranger while waiting in line for something? No.

wished you could see your cousins more? It would be nice, but when i’m feeling better. I’m also embarrassed for anyone outside of my immediate family and my aunt that I’m close to to see me right now.

thought about how much you used to love church? I haven’t tuned in to the livestream service the past month and I’ve been thinking about how I want to get back on track.

had a certain traumatic incident keep coming back to haunt you? Something like that.

debated trying to get to know your neighbors more? No.

not eaten anything sweet on your birthday? Yeah, I wasn’t able to eat anything. :/

....for the first time ever, since you normally eat cake on your birthday? Yes.

eaten a lot of mango popsicles? No, I don’t like mango.

#2022 review #personal #text #survey #surveys

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housefashionblog24 · 2 months

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bath and body works

I bought some things on sale last year and talked about it at work, I used lotion after my shower before work so I am sure sometimes I reeked of bath and vody works sale and my co worker was into talking to me about bath and body works and the videos I watched about it. Today I got some novelty candles from a different company and the fragrances weren't that exciting, so I just went to the bath and body works website and there they are using names of things to provoke my personal life past and I will never look at their site ever again. How disgusting. I am here and you never face me or talk to me. I guess i shouldn't shop because I am bored and I can't be around d people like all the ones you refer to with your products and that ex-friend and all the lookalikes swarming everywhere it makes me sad I can't go back and be friends or make amends because I had to be raised differently without the training to deal with those situations it was terrifying constantly

When I was homeless and tweeting photos of whatever I did to stay on the move, I was in the fred meyer parking lot in the back of my truck decorating 2 Victoria's secret bras from Goodwill outlet because I just saw a display at the mall of decorated bras for breastcancer. I took photos of the bras sitting on a fringed green pillow to imitate the foliage backgrojnd uaed for the bras at the mall. I might have donated those to the osu thrift store or Goodwill because I didn't have room in my storage unit but what did they do to me? Without ever talking to me this has been a big deal for technology business and security but I am left out or harassed to death with stupid shit and you raped all my creativity while I was avoiding recidivism. All you did was ruin my life to make me an ugly miserable loser who nobody cRes about and all of you are so happy

But a man came up to me when i was doing that and he tried to talk to me about magic mushrooms, I wasn't interested so I wrote maps.org for my contact info because that is some acronym for an organization that studies psychedelics like he was getting at, I guess. He still was nice enough to gift me a piece of Palo Santo, it smells good I don't burn it very much, it is around but I'm not sure where, but that has been photographed and talked about by me commenting to no one no relationship just typing in isolation like i am here, and now there is a Palo Santo candle and bath and body works! Did you know there's also a maps credit union and they used their bank cards a lot when I worked in the McDonald's drive thru as a McDonald's employee a couple times. I stopped by tj maxx earlier in this blog during an Open House the realtor was hosting here, and of course the tj maxx had a Palo Santocandle. I smelled it and laughed because it didnt smell as good as burning a real piece of Palo Santo wood.

Ever post content of yourself online in sailor moon costume shortly before horrible disfiguring illnesses and incarceration? It has not been an easy or quick route to recovery, not that I was ever good looking, is that mel Gibson from man without a face or whatever that is.

youtube

#Youtube

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d3mon-ology · 9 months

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On Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie’s Americanah and Finding Roaches in Your Apartment During a Black-Out:

This is the third time this year I have lost power for multiple days. For all of Metro-Detroit, our energy is serviced by a singular company: DTE Energy. As of August 25th, their stock prices went up by 0.47%. Their yearly revenue is approximately 19 million dollars. This summer, they decided to raise their rates. There is no other choice for us — it is DTE or bust. We were still vocal about the hike in prices, commenting on the proposal’s official posting, You want to raise our bills because you’ve already fixed our infrastructure? Then why did I spend almost a week without power this February? Or something of a similar rhetoric. This summer, some people reported that they began paying 4-digit monthly bills. Personally, my bill jumped from $50 to $170.

For those who do not live in Michigan, please know our summer has been the mildest and weirdest one I’ve experienced. It is August, typically the hottest, most humid time of year, and it has been overcast, wet, and cold, like it is November already. The past two days have brought us terrifying, violent storms where lightning cracked. I thought we’d lose power that first night. Instead, it was the strip of apartments facing ours. I remembered thinking, Finally! This winter, my strip of apartments lost power first and was fixed last. I thought it fair, almost, that they lost power and we got to keep ours. Our neighborhood, clearly zoned for low-income housing and apartments, was always the last to get power back, but instead of paranoia about this resonating me, it was the idea that DTE chose to bless the other apartments. As though a couple hundred dollars in rent per month was the determining factor of who deserved heat in the winter or light in the summer.

So I rejoice our luck — we got to keep our light, our air. Until yesterday morning, when I woke in a sticky sweat to silence and a depthless black. Having always been afraid of the dark, I scrambled for my phone. I tried my lamp, though I knew exactly what had happened. I got up to look out the window at the rain, and I grumbled at the sight of the other strip’s twinkling porch lights. I couldn’t help but resent them, which my neighbor noted later when she lent me her flashlight.

I reported our outage on my DTE app. I tried to go back to bed, but I am in the midst my biannual, irrational fear that mice and cockroaches were infesting my kitchen. Making homes out of my stove or the empty pizza box we left out because we didn’t want to throw it out in the rain. The pitch black only worsened this, so I waited for the sun to rise with my phone’s flash light on and my battery draining. It occurred to me then how soft and plushy I was, how I would not survive long without the accoutrements of my life. Or maybe I would, I thought, and I would have to just get over myself. Become a heroine of my own design.

So my mind wandered in the early morning, looking out for the first sign of light. Eventually, before I fell asleep, I thought of the book assigned for this semester’s course: Americanah by Chimamanda Adichie.

The lives of Ifemelu and Obinze have been eye-opening and a delight to read. Their romance was, in my opinion, a bit spottily rendered, but I didn’t care about their romance. I enjoyed Ifemelu’s portrayal. Adichie avoided a pitfall many Western authors, even the most bra-burning, Bechtel-testing, still fall prey to: the madonna-whore complex. Ife was a woman who was sexual, who had desires beyond men but who saw them as another delight in the wealth of life’s bounty. Following her middle-class Nigerian life and her immigration to America and then return home, I thought Ife so refreshing to read, relatable but also wholly unique in her perspective. She was human, but there was also something a bit invincible about her. It was not that she was able to overcome anything, but rather that she never once wallowed in her weakness. She found something else to sustain her, and I admired that quality. It made her my favorite character, honestly. Reading her story was like reading the life story of a family friend you considered an older, more enlightened aunt who had traveled the world and treated you like a sister.

In particular, she was unfazed by roaches during her first night in Brooklyn, noting that if she had been at home in Lagos she would’ve gotten the broom and killed the fucker without much thought at all. But she didn’t, claiming this American roach as different, as though the weight of a new country had softened that brazen edge to her.

This moment in the book came to me when I finally gave up on sleep. I dressed in the dark, and I decided I was going to drive around. My phone was nearly a corpse, and frankly, I just wanted to sit somewhere and watch my Webkinz iceberg video in peace. I didn’t want to think about mice scratching to escape my pillowcase, roaches emerging from under my sink, or bed bugs, which my coworker recently got and who I, selfishly, worried had given them to me. More so, I was tired of that unhinged feeling that repeated intrusive thoughts instills in me. Like if I did see any of these things, I would be hallucinating, and it would go beyond just idle superstition into a territory where in-patient seems mighty necessary.

So needless to say, I lost it when I walked into my kitchen and saw a cockroach, grasping a small crumb in between his pinchers. He’d just left the pizza box and was ambling across the floor. Much like Ifemelu, I did not kill it. Unlike her, it was not because I felt defeated or so out of place that to interact with my environment felt sinfully wrong. It was because I had never had to. Despite my history of infestations, roaches had never actually crossed from the ephemeral into the real.

Aristotle, who I fucking hate but has a few things of real merit, said that wisdom comes from experience. That’s why it is so valuable in learning virtue. Having lived on my own at 17, half homeless and without any adult supervision, I have grown to see adulthood as a list of first experiences that are necessary but ultimately shift one’s paradigm with each “first.” When I totaled my first car, I learned the wisdom of not leaving your car in the impound lot for five days, of how it is okay to trust scrappers on occasion when they are sweet boys who give you an extra hundred because they recognized struggle and pitied it when they saw it, and of getting back into a car after you realize how fucking stupid you and other drivers are. Dealing with roaches is another one of those “first” experiences, accompanied by a growth spurt, but much like totaling my car, it’s not one I want to learn how to overcome.

So I panicked. I woke up my partner, told him to come quick, annoyed when it took him a minute to clamber up. By the time he followed me into our small kitchen, the roach was gone. This was when I burst into tears, feeling all the weight of the past 48 hours — the sleeplessness, Ifem’s first days submerged in Americanah, the weeks of paranoia that had crescendoed to a singular moment that confirmed all my worst fears. I had felt inspired by Ifemelu’s resilience, balmed by her depression in those first few American months. Adjusting to a new country and being an adult are such disparate experiences that the Venn diagram between them is two circles, but it is a testament to Adichie’s writing that I found connections nonetheless. Learning the nuances of American English follows the same structure of learning a new “first”: you learn by a series of experiences. I calm down, I stop crying, and I think with hope and dread that this is life. After all, Ifemelu has to relearn the nuances of Lagos life after returning to Nigeria. And the same applies to each reoccurrence of a “first.” Life is a series of wisdoms being gained, and I think this is why I admired Ifemelu’s resilience.

So I look at the roach’s mangled body. I hug my partner, tell him we’re getting a closed-top garbage can tomorrow. “Some spray, too,” I add. I put down some diatomaceous earth. I turn off the flash light, and I watch the window. The sun comes up, and I go to sleep.

#tw // talks of bugs #personal.#real random but I’m exhausted so forgive me.

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ftmtfgracie · 9 months

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Not kink:

So, ive been off T since February. I went off of it without doctor guidance or anything, and did it the same way i had in the past when i was forced to go off of it(abusive housemate who made an ultimatum that as long as i was living under her roof, i was not allowed to take my shots. Literally “as long as youre under my roof, youre not shooting up that shit”.) cold turkey.

Ive known gender can be fucky and weird, and ever since ive broken the cycle of bouncing from one toxic situation to another(parents, (ex)parter, (ex)partner’s aunt(abusive housemate previously mentioned), ive been examining me and my gender a lot more.

Ive considered myself Agender for at least 4-5 years. Trans masc since 2012(came out in December of 2014). But since about this time last year, ive been incorporating womens clothes into my wardrobe under the idea of “clothes dont have a gender”. As i added more and more womens clothes, i started to become more confident in myself.

My clothes are now mostly womens clothes, and my binders i dont wear anymore really because 1, theyre super old and i cant afford to replace them rn with all of the shit going on with the “trusted” places having sizing issues. The compression panel on each of my binders is shredding at the seams and doesnt actually compress and make my chest discreet. I havent been wearing them too because ive been trying to figure out the gender shit.

A friend brought up a couple months ago when i was originally really freaking out(just before i started to look into detrans/misgen kink) that i may have transitioned because of the trauma i experienced and subconsciously transitioned to try to protect myself. That it was a way of trying to be strong and keep myself safe in the face of that trauma, because the way i was raised, “only women are victims”.

I thought of that a lot. Is my masc self falling back truly because of “clothes dont have a gender” and “accepting myself being agender includes accepting the feminine aspects of myself”? Or was being masc a mask to protect myself?

I didnt realize until tonight that ive been detransitioning myself. Im off t, most of my wardrobe is womens clothes, im presenting daily as a woman as society shows. I wear bras and panties, the only time i wear the boxer briefs is during my period, or when i havent showered in a couple days and feel gross about myself. I havent worn a binder in months.

Ive been really thinking all of this over, and im wondering wtf even is gender, and how does it relate to me/how do i relate to it.

I understand gender identity is fluid and can change multiple times throughout your life. Im trying to respect that in myself and trying to give myself the space to figure this shit out. I just have so much difficulty with this on my own.

If you have any questions or advice, please message me. What you have to say/questions you have is accepted, because what you have to say is possibly stuff i havent considered yet and may help me come to some kind of conclusion.

Thank you in advance for your input 🥹

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lindsaystravelblogs3 · 10 months

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Days 46-47 – Monday-Tuesday, 10-11 July

Monday

We started the day walking through our neighbourhood to a place recommended by the hotel where Heather could get her hair cut. Unfortunately, it is closed on Monday. We found another place not too far away but Monday is obviously not a good day for ladies’ haircuts.

We walked on a bit further to a busy square near three more of the ancient sites to which our Acropolis ticket gave us access. It was a five-day ticket and today was the last day. The main railway station and a mosque facing the square - and next to the mosque was Hadrian’s Library.

We went in and walked around for half an hour or so and took some photos, but like all of these ruins, there is not a lot to see - and what we can see doesn’t make much sense without good signage. The signage here was minimal, with no more than the names of different areas or former buildings. Interestingly, there was a twelfth century church there, somewhat more modern than the ruins of the Library, but some signage well away from it indicated that there had previously been two other (second and fifth century) churches in the library grounds in the past.

We knew that there were two Agoras nearby, so as we went out, we asked the ticket office for directions and set off for the first one - the Ancient Agora, almost a kilometre away. It was a huge site with many statues and small ruins, as well as a massive restored building housing a host of relics in the colonnades and a lot more smaller pieces in the small museum. The upper floor had dozens more, mainly busts or heads, but I only had a very quick look up there. I did wander the grounds in the burning heat though and found a few more notable things while Heather enjoyed the shade in the colonnade.

There was a row of cafes just outside the Agora, some with mist machines attached to big fans, so we sat in one and had a cold drink while we cooled off - almost too much so, with the spray dampening our sweaty clothes and the fans evaporating it most effectively.

Back in the heat, we returned, past the Hadrain's Library, to the more modern Roman Agora - only 2500 years old, about half the age of the Ancient Agora. Heather sat in the shade of a big tree while I went in - the last use of our tickets - but it was really not impressive. I walked around for about ten minutes and saw everything there was to see before joining Heather and strolling back through the square and along some alleys to find another hairdresser - also closed on Mondays.

We found a quiet restaurant in a less touristy square, and sat in air-conditioned comfort to eat a very forgettable lunch. Everything seems to be smothered in cheese here and I think we are just getting tired of it.

We walked back close to our hotel and strolled through the markets. The fish market had plenty of stock but not as wide a range as we expected, mainly whole fish, some still being gutted as we watched, but almost no shellfish at all. The meat section was sometimes a bit confronting with skinned whole heads staring back at us and a section for offal that some people might think awful (joke, I think). A lot of the stalls had almost no stock, several with only one or two pieces, just a kilo or two, while a small number had a massive range.

Heather wanted to buy another cool top for when we are on the ship and had seen a likely place near the markets so she spent quite some time there looking at tops and trying some on, but none were suitable – the summer fashion here is long tops (or short dresses) and despite appearances, Heather said they weren’t as cool as promised. (Bras seem largely out of fashion here, and there must be a fabric shortage because there are acres and acres of bare chest on display wherever we go.)

We have walked through the fruit and veg market a few times, but many of the other shopping areas are interesting. A couple of days ago, we walked through an area of fabric sellers, probably about a hundred shops, all competing for trade with the most diverse collection of fabrics, some of which looked to have been on display for fifty years or more. Then there are strips of ten or more shops, all side by side, selling nothing but nuts. One big shop sells only eggs - tens of thousands of them on display with a huge stack of open egg trays for people to take them away in. And they deliver too - on a scooter with the floor loaded with close to fifty dozen eggs, preventing the rider from using the foot brake, and another metre-and-a-half of open trays stacked up high behind him, secured with a single length of string. I dread to think of the mess if he fell off. It reminded me of a guy who drove into the back of me in Canberra at almost full speed. He had 48 dozen eggs in open trays on his back seat and he said his world just went yellow. Despite the damage to my car, I felt sorry for him!

We had walked more than eight kilometres on the day and were pretty exhausted in the conditions, so had a bit of a rest when we got back to our room. I worked on my photos and blog and got it up to date for the first time ever!

In the evening, we went out to dinner to a Greek café a couple of blocks away. We ordered a traditional Greek platter, mainly meats, and quite similar to what we have had many times in Swan Street, Richmond. It was supposed to be a share plate for two people, but we struggled to get through half of it. At least, restaurants here are more than happy to give us doggy bags that provide lunch or dinner for the next day too.

I did some washing when we got back to our room – mainly so I had a full complement of clean clothes to board the ship in a couple of days’ time. We hang the washing on our tiny balcony where there are two air-conditioning units (for rooms other than ours!) blowing hot dry air all day and all night so we always have dry clothes within a couple of hours, irrespective of when we do our washing.

Tuesday

On the assumption that the hairdresser would be open today, we walked up there, arriving just a few minutes before opening time. The owner was not sure if her first booking was going to make her appointment, so we sat for a few minutes to wait and see. She was a no-show so Heather got her haircut and it looks great. It is quite a different style, flatter and seemingly thicker, and I reckon she looks great with it.

We then spent an hour or so wandering around the back streets behind our hotel, looking in some of the amazing little shops, jam-packed with everything imaginable. There are a few ‘junk shops’ that sell an incredible variety of (mainly) second- or fifth-hand items, but buried deeper in the labyrinth of alleyways behind us, we found hundreds of tiny shops of every description with an unbelievable range of products for sale. Some are specialists – a rope shop, a hat shop, pots and pans, lots of phone shops, second-hand tools, etc., - but there are also scores of shops stocked with small numbers of thousands of the most eclectic items. And everywhere are cafes or restaurants (I have no idea how to define either). They are inside and al fresco, some one or the other, others both, sometimes with tables actually set up on the street pavement. Some have seating for four or six patrons, others seat over a hundred, but they are scattered randomly in every alleyway, along the main road, at the front of hotels and derelict buildings, almost everywhere. How anyone makes a living is quite beyond me – but there are also hundreds of closed premises, with shutters to the ground, that may indicate a lot of bankruptcy, possibly a Covid legacy – but equally, may indicate that the buildings have been condemned. Many look eminently worthy of demolition. But you can’t demolish anything that contains any element of a historic ruin – any more than you can build over a ruin. There is a small block next our hotel where they started to excavate for the foundations for a new building, but found a section of an old wall, so nothing can now be done on that site. A bit tough on the owner who bought it in good faith.

We finished our inspection of the neighbourhood shops at a fish restaurant so we had lunch there – yes, of course we ordered too much, but it was delicious. Absolutely stuffed (in more ways than one) we made a quick detour to the minimarket for wine and water and escaped back to the relative cool of our room for the rest of the afternoon.

Back in the room, we spent most of the afternoon on our photos and blogs before eating the leftovers from last night’s Greek doggy bags in the kitchen. It was delicious and we needed to eat all of it to use up our purchases because we won’t be able to take any of it on board tomorrow. We might have to finish our bottle of ouzo at lunch tomorrow (not much left so it won’t be much of a challenge) because using up the rest of our booze made the ouzo a bit problematic – we may not have been able to find our room again.

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toomanysurveys9 · 1 year

Text

Have you done any of the same things as me? [2022 Edition] by joybucket experienced something amazing and miraculous? 🤩 Not miraculous. But amazing, yes. Amazing times with family, like a couple family vacations. Watching my brother graduate basic and AIT. Watching Wyatt start school and learn so much. Got to see my best friend I hadn’t seen in YEARS. Just to name a few.

switched to a new primary care doctor? Nope.

tried a new medication? 💊 Maybe a new cold and flu medicine.

felt afraid to leave the house? Sometimes.

had a new neighbor move in?

Yeah.

met a new neighbor? Yeah, the ones that moved in this past year

read the entire Bible? 📖 Nope.

had a smoothie that tasted really, really good? 🍹 I don’t think so last year, but this year I did!

had some significant health issues? Nope.

made a lot of surveys? I don’t make surveys.

taken a lot of surveys? No. I hope this year I can take more. I have missed doing them and this community.

gave yourself a significant haircut? 💇‍♀️ Not this year.

discovered a new YouTube channel you really liked? I don’t think so.

discovered a new favorite book? 📖 I did not really read too many new books.

re-read a book you really liked? 📖 Yes.

debated reaching out to someone and asking for prayer, but didn’t? 🙏 I don’t believe in prayer.

started taking a new birth control pill? No. Breastfeeding has been a phenomenal birth control.

experienced anaphylaxis? No.

…and then had to be on Prednisone for three months because of it? Nope.

gained weight from a medication? Not from medication.

…and then lost some of it once you were off the medication, but not all of it? Not from medication.

discovered you had steroid-induced diabetes? Nope.

daydreamed a lot? 💭 Oh yeah.

had overdue library books? 📚 Nope.

worn a mask? 😷 I had to at work most of the year. There was a month or two when we didn’t have to at work, but it was short-lived, and I ended up wearing it even though it wasn’t required most of the time anyways because I didn’t want my kids to get sick.

worn a mask when cleaning, because you’re allergic to dust mites? 😷 No.

went days without washing your hair? So many days. With so many people living here and so much on my plate, I’m lucky if I get to actually wash my hair twice a week. But most of the people living here will be moving out soon.

felt overjoyed one day and then depressed the next? Story of my life, although I’m not sure I’d say I was usually overjoyed.

thought about how much you missed going to church? ⛪️ Nope.

thought about how much you missed painting? 🖼 Nope. I’m not artisitic.

….and thought about how you’d like to start painting again?

Nope.

found out that someone got hit by a car and died while crossing a street that you cross all the time?

Not that I can think of. enjoyed watching the snow fall? ❄️ I was happy to have snow on Christmas day, but that is the only day I’m okay with having snow.

wished you had a car? 🚘 Nope. I wished we had a different car. But at least we have one I guess.

talked to your mom on the phone? 📱 Yeah.

talked to your mom online? 💬 Yeah.

realized none of your bras fit you anymore? Nope.

received a package in the mail? 📦 Stuff I ordered online, yeah.

started watching Youtube Shorts regularly? Nope.

practiced self-hypnosis? 😵 No. I don’t even know what that is.

discovered a new food you really liked? I’m not sure. Nothing specific comes to mind.

discovered your bike had a flat tire? 🚴 I don’t even own one.

made a new playlist of songs you really liked? 🎶 I don’t make playlists. I just use Pandora.

got rid of a ton of old clothes? 👚 Old baby/kid clothes.

ran/walked a Christmas-themed race? 🏃‍♀️ No.

watched your city’s Christmas parade? We don’t have one.

enjoyed eating salads? 🥗 Here and there.

enjoyed eating chocolate pie? I don’t really eat chocolate pie.

celebrated Thanksgiving alone? Nope. My family is too big for that. They’d never allow it.

celebrated your birthday alone? ^^^

didn’t really have a good birthday? It wasn’t bad.

almost died multiple times? Nope.

enjoyed reading the Bible? 📖 Nope.

danced around your living room? 💃 I did that pretty often with my babies.

written in cursive? ✍️ Only when I had to sign my name... like every day for work.

written in a journal? 📓 Not as often as I wish I had.

written in a one-line-a-day journal? 📔 Nope.

accidentally dropped a dish and broke it? Not that I can remember.

went for a walk through the cemetery on Halloween? No. I take my kids trick or treating.

not brought your camera with you somewhere, and then wished you had? 📸 All the time.

discovered a new really good book? No. Again.

read a book with a character named Simone in it? No.

had a doctor get irritated with you? No.

had a doctor not believe you about something? Not that I can think of.

broke out in acne all over your face? The bottom half of my face. Damn masks.

found out one of your friends had COVID? 🦠 Probably.

wondered if you had COVID? 🦠 I did get COVID last year.

played Mahjong on your phone? 🀄️ Nope.

used a lot of emojis? 🦄 🤪 💃 Probably.

wore a cheetah-print mask? I did not.

worshiped God? 💃 I’m not a believer.

uploaded some new photos to Facebook? A lot of pictures. I’m always uploading photos. Mostly of my kids. We have family in different states that are only able to watch them grow up that way.

sorted through some old photos on your computer? Yeah, probably.

wondered why your fridge was making funny noises? Yeah. Our house is falling apart.

gone for lovely and enchanting walks in the fall? 🍁 I guess.

wore the same outfit for days? Probably.

worn slipper socks? Nope.

gone out to eat with your parents? We do that a lot.

enjoyed looking at your friends’ baby pictures on Facebook? Yeah.

wondered what one of your friends was going to name her baby? Yeah.

wished someone would invite you to church, but no one did? Nope.

took more medication than you were supposed to when you were in severe pain? Nope.

wished autocorrect didn’t make so many annoying errors? Yeah.

wished your cramps would go away? Didn’t really have cramps because I haven’t had a period since before I was pregnant with Nora. So it’s been about two years now.

enjoyed having a conversation with a random stranger while waiting in line for something? Not really.

wished you could see your cousins more? Yeah.

thought about how much you used to love church? Nope.

had a certain traumatic incident keep coming back to haunt you? Yeah.

debated trying to get to know your neighbors more? Not really.

not eaten anything sweet on your birthday? Nope.

….for the first time ever, since you normally eat cake on your birthday? Nope.

eaten a lot of mango popsicles? Nope.

#survey #surveys #personal #question #questions #random

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drewstew-art · 2 years

Text

Wednesday, 7:15am

So I've figured out something super fucking weird about myself...I like running. Like actually running. And it's fucking odd.

When I was a kid, we didn't really do much exercise or sports or anything like that, because we were Homeschooled, hermits and my parents didn't really have the time, or desire for us to be involved in sports or anything of the sort.

But now that I'm an adult, out on my own, 860 miles away from said hermit home, I have finally been able to really try something I didn't think I would enjoy.

I started running about a year ago. It took a while to really figure out HOW to run. Yes, there is a right and a wrong way to do it. My husband use to run track when he was in highschool, so he was a big help.

I started around the neighborhood, and sometimes at the gym and honestly the longest I could go was about...2 feet before I gave up and started walking.

But in the last couple of weeks, I've really picked up my pace and I can actually go quite a while without stopping which is just crazy to me.

Yesterday, my best time and longest distance was 1.75 miles in 20 minutes. And that was on the treadmill because RIP my shins.

The day before that was 1.5 miles in 17 minutes.

There really is a runners high. I swore it was fake, and people were just being crazy and they actually hated themselves, but no. It's fucking real. You get to a certain point where everything else just kinda fades away and you felt like 2 seconds ago that you couldn't possibly take one more step but you did and now you are 10 steps farther than you were so you start to get giddy and feel just unstoppable.

So yeah, I like running. Plus, I've lost like hella weight doing it. I'm down 3, maybe 4 jeans sizes, 2 shirt sizes, and I just went down panties size. Oh! And I went down a bra size.

Nuts.

#running #runners high #exercise

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starshipsofstarlord · 3 years

Note

Could I request a Bucky Barnes x reader smut? Basically she and Bucky have been together for some time and maybe it’d be a little angst where the two are talking about the future and Bucky not thinking he can ever have a normal future? Which would result in soft smut and later reader being revealed as pregnant so Bucky finally gets his family

I’m Home

Pairing | Bucky Barnes x reader

Summary | based on the request ^^

Warnings | angst, smut, oral sex (m receiving), fluff, pregnancy, mentions of death

Quick link to my masterlist, if you’re interested in reading more of my crap 😬

The Wilson’s boat rocked sturdily upon the water, swaying as the boats worked aboard. Your hand held the weight of a silver spanner, twirling it in your fist as though it were a knife, thinking of the long road ahead of you. Sam had the shield now, that was a good start, but still, there was a ways to go until the world recognised him as the captain that he was meant to be.

There was so much destruction ongoing in the world, what with the flag smashers, and whomever the power broker was, and surely, you knew on the shallow surface, that there would be masses more problems to arise. It was exhausting, to know that there was no end to the war on earth, and that you were surely going to be fighting the threats until you could no more.

Bucky felt the same; he had just gone from one war to another, losing everyone that he cared about along the way. Steve had given everything up to finally find peace, and yet, the two did not share the same opportunity. An escape was never laid at your feet, instead, the pair of you were trapped in the cycle of cruelty, being blended around in a shredder by reality.

“Hey.” A voice confiscated you from the lonesome containment of your thoughts; it was Sam’s hosting sister, Sarah. I’m her own way, though you doubted that she would never admit such a thing, she was a hero. She had become a widow, and not to mention she remained a stable mother to keep her boys afloat, as well as nurturing half the kids that lived within close proximity.

“Hi Sarah.” You put the tool down, giving her your ample attention as you stood, tugging your fingers into the loops of your jeans as you stepped out of the boat, and onto the dock. “Anything I can help with?” It hadn’t passed your attention that Sam and Bucky had disappeared, but not into ash like last time. Instead, they had walked off in the direction of the house, most likely meddling about with a ball, in the back yard with Jim and Jody.

“I just came to let you know I’ve made the sofa up for you and Bucky. Are you sure you’ll be all good, I could always kick Sam outta his bed and make him sleep on the living room floor?” The two of you had nightmares, if you were to be separated from him for even a night, it was certain that the pair of you would greatly suffer. That was something you didn’t want to burden any of the Wilson’s with, screaming in the middle of the night because flashes from your past struck an unconscious nerve.

“All good, and thank you Sarah. You didn’t have to let us stay here, we both appreciate it, a hell of a lot.” One thing that you had learnt throughout your years was to show gratitude. The smallest amount shared had the ability to spring up moods, and had even set you on a much more heroic path than the one that you had been originally been placed upon.

“You’ve earned your stay.” Sam’s sister shrugged with modesty, acknowledging the help that you and Bucky had not only given to Sam, but to her family’s legacy. The two of you had aided with fixing the old wreckage that had now returned to the form of a boat, keeping it afloat rather than permitting it to sink from the quarrels that Sam had with himself regarding fixing the damned yet meaningful port of transport.

“This life you have, it’s great. I get it’s not easy, but it’s beautiful. You have two wonderful kids, that you’ve done such a great job raising, and not to mention, these community that you have is so loving and kind, even to us outsiders.” The pair of you had paused outside of her front door, speaking. “Sam is lucky to have you, he truly is.”

“Well, maybe one day this life could be something similar to what you’ll have.” The sister of your friend smiled, though your mirroring expression retracted. In a stumble of thought, you shook your head, not believing that possibility. This all was... perfect. That was something that you had never had, nor would you think that you’d ever be permitted such a peaceful lifestyle.

“I don’t think that would work out.” You sincerely mumbled, feeling the sad swelling in your chest at the prospect of all the luxuries that life had denied both you and Bucky of. It wasn’t fair all the same, but the two of you were used to being denied human rights, let alone the simplicity of nothing more than a life together. “As nice as it sounds, me and Buck aren’t really cut out for all this I suppose.”

“The world does not choose who can and cannot have a family, there’s always a way. Just because you haven’t had the most ideal line of story does not at all mean that you can’t make it work, from as much as i know, you two deserve a life together, that doesn’t include being shot at, or shooting at other people. Sometimes, you’ve just gotta go for it, and hope for the best.” She gave you a final nod, before heading inside, and you trailed after her into her her residency.

The two of you went your separate ways, and there, you saw Bucky, sat up on the sofa, his hands clasped together as his eyes stared towards the tan bag, that concealed not the shape, but the Stars and Stripes of the infamous shield. It was much a relief that it was no longer in Walker’s toxic clutch, however its presence, among other things, were taking a clear toll on your boyfriend.

“You ever feel like we’re stuck?” The air was tense around you both as he spoke solemnly, it diverting to match the mood of his question. “Like we’re us, and I love us, but it makes me think that it’s it. Just me and you, on this path for the rest of our lives, never getting a compensated break, nor an average person’s future. I want this, what these people here have, not the combat that is aided by this metal arm, or the associations that stick to us like life lines.”

“All the time, it’s on my mind James.” With a sigh, you came to sit beside him on the couch, resting your head against his bionic shoulder. “I ever wonder if there’s a timeline of you and me where there’s none of this ruckus, we just have a nice little house in a quiet and accepting place, and maybe a kid or two in the future.”

“I’d give anything up for that.” He looked at you, almost wide eyed, as his hand slithered down onto your knee cap, rubbing small circles as he wore a blunt and endearing smile upon his infatuating lips. “I mean that Buck, that sounds...”

“Perfect?” He asked, leaning closer as he grabs your chin with his wondrous fingers, his nose brushing alongside your own as his puckered lips fell upon yours, earning a small hun of content from within you. “Because you’re perfect to me, and no matter what life we are encased in, I want to share it with you. I want stare at the night sky and watch the moonlight illuminate the side of your face, and the stars reflect in your entrapping eyes, that I want to look into like a medium’s orbs forever, because that is how I will see the future that I ever so hope for.”

“How long have you been working on that one Barnes, because you are usually not that smooth?” A small laugh erupted from your mouth, but you were quickly silenced as you felt a cold metal hand slither up and beneath the back of your tank top, rubbing along the seam of your spine, as his lips ran down the column of your throat, evoking small and delicate whimpers out of you.

“Shut up doll, because I really want to fuck you now, and those words leaving your mouth are making it kinda hard to concentrate.” A furrow imbedded between his brows, as you tilted your head at him, a smirk proclaiming your expression as you pulled the material over your head, and reached behind yourself to unclip the back of your bra.

“Kinda hard to concentrate, hun?” You asked nonchalantly as his gaze zeroed in on your bare breasts, his hands smoothing along your ribcage as he adjusted his grip of you so that he was palming at your breasts, and squeezing the nipples. “I want you in me baby, I’ve practically gone days without you inside of me.” Licking your lips, you reached down to palm your beloved through his layers, earning a positive groan from the former assassin.

“Hours, you mean. I fingered you on the road trip here.” Yes, that was true, however, it was only his fingers, not even the metal ones, and whilst you loved what they alone could do, he had to be discreet as you were sat on the back of the truck, which had carried the primary parts for the Wilson’s family boat. If you were to scream out, they’d have surely thought that you’d fallen off the back of the truck and pull over, or if they had much sense, they’d have noticed that there was more going on than two passengers sat side by side on the journey to their small neighbourhood by the docks,

“You heard me Barnes, otherwise I’m sure Sam wouldn’t have any problem if I came to his room in this state of undress that I am currently portraying.” Growling was never Bucky’s fortes, however the sound aggressively ripped through the tunnel of his throat, as he threw off his grey top, quickly unfastening his belt, as he awaited for you to strip the rest of your clothing before him.

But rather than doing so, as he stood before you, your hand had trouble resisting the sight of his cock that had bobbed to attention, and thus, you wrapped it around his toned flesh, giving it a couple jerks that had his head reeling back, before you tongued his tip, moaning to yourself at the taste of him invading your sensitive taste buds. “Love your cock.”

As soon as you said that, Bucky gently gathered your head in a ponytail so that it was free from bombarding your face, and groaned as quiet as he could as you sucked him in your mouth, running your tongue up the side of his shaft. “Is that a part of your dream world baby doll, the sight of my cock throbbing to be inching down that perfect little throat of yours?”

To answer him, you pressed your head down deeper, humming around him as your eyes ogled up at the sight of your super soldier, who was trying his hardest to keep his eyes open, and attuned to the sight of you. He held his bottom lip between his teeth, as you lightly gagged around him, pulling off him, and squeezing his balls, before running your hungry tongue along the middle of his sack.

“Always. It would be a dream if you made love to me right here and now though, I’m not sure I can wait any longer James.” Bucky took a long inhale, before ravishingly pulling down your jeans and panties in one go, and tossing you so that he was below your form, and you hovered over him, toying with his erect cock. “I love you so much Bucky, and I’m scared of what’s to come. I have a feeling that there’s gonna be a fight.”

“There’s always a fight doll face.” He rubbed his thumb soothingly across your jaw, pulling your hips down closer so that you were rubbing your slick folds against his standing cock. “But this is what we’re fighting for, the rest of our lives together. I’d be damned, one day after this, and if I were to die, I’d be a happy man. There’d be the memory of you to keep me forever happy in the afterlife, and not to mention, there’d be no more wars for me to participate in.”

“I’m not going to let you die Buck, even hypothetically. We saw how your little hypothetical synopsis went last time.” Tapping his cock against your clit, a breathy sound evicted from your lips, as you stared down at the two of you intimately touching, the sight alone making you more turned on and impatient. “No one is allowed to kill you, otherwise I’ll unleash hell on all their flag smashing asses.”

Giving him one last stroke, you guided his tip towards your entrance, removing your hand once you had him situated, so that you could rest it upon his sturdy shoulder, and sink down on him, the feeling of him stretching you being the most euphoric sensation that you had ever endured. Hushed moans ceased from the both of you, as Bucky’s hands gripped your ass cheeks, only adding to all of the pleasure that was erupting within you.

“Think your pussy is gonna kill me before anyone else does; your so tight.” His pitch had rose, as your fingertips danced along the left side of his handsome face, invisibly connecting the dots of his beauty marks. You allowed the pair of you to adjust for a simple moment, before you began to raise your hips, sliding up his super soldier rod, only to slide down it again.

The actions were repeated, as your own hands trailed down his warm skin, to drag down the golden lines of his vibranium arm, only to bring the weapon to your mouth, and kiss every black finger up, as you tried your best to muffle the moans that were hoping to reap free. “So fucking big, I love you and your cock.” You muttered, your sight turning blurry as Bucky realised that it was his turn to do the work, and thus, he thrusted up into you, making echoing sounds of your skin slapping together reverberate around the room.

“Love you more.” He gritted his teeth, pulling his metallic hand away from your numb lips, so that he could swirl the elegant digits around your clit, the action provoking whimpers to rapidly surpass your exterior, as you bit harshly onto your own lip, and screwed your eyes shut. “Cum for me doll, want you to cover my hard cock in everything you have. Come on baby, you can do it.”

Without much thought, as your mind was too scrambled to do so, you reached for Bucky’s spare hand, pulling it to your mouth as you sucked on his fingers as though you were blowing him. A low moan that was dialled down from the presence of his flesh digits, ran from your mouth, as you began to bounce your hips, chasing and eventually reaching your high. You came around him, pushing him too over the edge, his seed filling your walls, as you collapsed atop of him, huffing from exhaustion as you removed his salivated hand from the realms of your mouth, resting your head against his panting chest.

Stringed sighs fell from Bucky’s breath as he tried to catch his own breath. His hands rubbed your back, not only to comfort you, but also to subconsciously pull you closer against him, and his softening cock that was still inside you, and was keeping his cum plugged within your tender and pulsating walls. If life was easier, there’d be more time for this, and that, but for now, it was just every now and then. Maybe you’d win this fight and survive until the next one, but maybe, you’d lose and never battle again.

Life was precious, that was something that you had not only learned as an avenger, but also something that had been told to you by Isiah. That man thought that you deserved a normal life, no fighting, no super soldiers. He himself was the biggest yet silent critic of those with additional strength, but his opinion was never going to sway you, not as you stared out into Sarah’s backyard, and watched the man that you loved play with the boys.

They had the shield, and were whisking it through the air like a frisbee; dangerous, yes, but again, life could only amount to so much without an ounce of pain. A content and satisfied smile absorbed any pain on your face, you were enraptured with the sight of Bucky like this, he was like an uncle to these two kids. He was no captain America, that was for sure, but you didn’t want a man in Stars and Stripes, all you wanted was him to be at peace, and it was a fact unbeknownst to him, that you had made such an alternative to that.

“Still want all this?” Sarah emerged, a cheap yet formidable bottle of wine pursed in her hand, as she held two clear and tall glasses in her hand. You hummed, watching as she poured the thin red consistency into one glass, but as she went to fill the other, you held out your hand, shaking your head. The woman was confused, last time you had visited, and were entangled on her sofa with the limbs of your boyfriend and a shaggy old blanket, you had kindly accepted her offer.

“Sure do.” You sighed, staring out into the green abyss where Jim was hanging from Bucky’s arm like it were a branch. “How do you do this, this whole mother thing? I’ve never been able to wrap my head around how you make it look so easy, it’s just, you do such a good job.” Your palms rested flat on your thighs as you laughed at Sam ordering Jody to jump on Bucky’s back, as he fell down in faux defeat.

“It never is easy y/n.” She placed the open bottle down, along with the mismatched glasses, that were asymmetrical considering one was half filled and the other wallowed in emptiness. “But every step of difficulty is worth it. There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t miss their father, but they’re my priority. For Jim and Jody, there’s nothing I wouldn’t do, and you’d understand that if you ever opened yourself up to giving your life of heroism up to have all this.”

“I might have to.” Twiddling with your fingers, glancing up at your boyfriend, realising that he was in fact not looking over, you clasped your intwined hands over your stomach, smiling softly to yourself. “And maybe not having another option is the best option for me and Buck, because we don’t have to fight with ourselves over being included in our duties, we have new ones.”

“You’re pregnant, aren’t you?” Sarah asked, resting her nurturing hand upon the tile of your shoulder, prompting you to turn your face towards her. There was a conflict in your eyes, it was something that she recognised her younger self having once worn. It was the idea of putting everything aside, all for a child, everything that she had ever known, so that she could put her baby boy first. “Does Bucky know?”

“He will.” You shifted your head down, unsure of yourself. This had been what you had wanted, and whilst you still envied Sarah for the role she had, you were hurt. A part of you wanted to be an avenger until you were nothing but a soul drifting in the abyss of non existence, another didn’t want to let the knowledge of being a carrier for a new future crumble you. “I just need a moment to tell him.”

“I’ve got it.” She sent you a wink, picking up the items she had brought out, before she called on Sam and the kids to come inside. Sarah had gifted you the opportunity of revealing the truth to your partner with no one else around; you appreciated that. As he stalked closer, you met him halfway, sinking into his arms as he hugged you.

“Looked like you were having fun with the boys.” You verbally noted, loving the feeling of him running his fingers through your hair. “You’re amazing Bucky Barnes, to me and to everyone. I just, don’t want you to freak out on me, I have something big, really big, to tell you, and-“

“Baby, I know.” He smiled, pulling back so that he could look you in the face. “I have super human senses, I heard their little heart beat for the first time yesterday. We’re having a baby, and I couldn’t be happier about it. In fact, I want to ask you if you’ll accept my question of making Sam the godfather.” You nodded, tears standing in your eyes, as you brought the man down for a kiss.

“Yes. But I’m not sure that he’ll be praising us for making a baby when we technically created him or her on the couch inside.” Bucky shook his head at you, kissing your forehead before walking inside with you, preparing to tell the Wilson family, that had along the way became your own, the good news- well, not the sofa bit.

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shoyosthighs · 3 years

Text

1 Month Challenge

Hinata Shoyo X f!reader (SMUT 🔞)

Sum: A challenge came up by Hinata before he leave for a month of intensive volleyball training 🤭 (timeskip MSBY Hinata)

Warnings: +18 MDI, dirty talk, unprotected sex, oral receiving (both ways), hard edging, dirty talk, daddy shoyo, 69, hard orgasm deny, creampie, basically really filthy smut

Word count: 2504 words

Author’s Note: Its been 8 years since I last written smut HAHA please spare me 😭 Im loving timeskip buff hinata currently and this plot is something similar I saw on p*rn so I decided to write it 🤭

________________________________

“Sho! Have you packed all your stuff?” You shouted from the kitchen from you and Hinata’s apartment. Preparing breakfast for him before he leaves for his intensive training in Brazil with the MSBY team in an hour.

“Yes baby” Hinata whispered in your ears from behind while snaking his arms to your waist and pressing you to his chest. “Can you pass me the soy-sauce, I made your favorite” you kiss him on the cheek while preparing his favorite Japanese rice with raw egg and soy-sauce.

“What did I do to deserve you baby” he wipe his fake tear smiling at you while passing you the soy-sauce.

“Baby girl, remember to take care of yourself okay? I will be back in a month. I know your college exams are coming soon but without me reminding you to eat you wouldn’t eat, so please remember to eat okay?” You nodded while pouting, didn’t really want him to leave.

“I will tell Yams to check up on you too” he side-eye you, knowing you will forget to take care of yourself once you indulge yourself into studying. “You’re so nagging haha” you pass him a cup of ice chocolate while ruffling his hair.

“Anyway baby, before I leave let’s come up with a challenge?” he asked while helping you wash the dishes and drying it. He pulled you to the couch and sat down while pulling you onto his lap, straddling him.

“What’s up your sleeve again?” You run your hands cupping his head from behind and play with his fluffy orange hair. “You see, I will be gone for a month and we won’t get to fuck” he said in a teasing voice. Knowing him, your high sex drive boyfriend for 2 years he will be having this dirty thoughts 24/7.

“And yeah what about it?” You rest your cheek on his chest and hug his waist instead. “Don’t touch yourself for a month, and when I come back I will breed you till morning” he smirk at you. “Hey not fair, what about you?” Knowing his horny ass he will probably run to the bathroom to finish himself off, “Both of us, it’s a challenge for both of us”

“I am up for it, but can you?” You tease him back. “You bet” he kiss you on the lips while carrying you into your shared bedroom, breeding you for the last time before he leaves for training.

It was already the 3rd week since Hinata has gone for his intensive training in Brazil, he had been sending you photos of himself shirtless almost everyday, but a prominent outline of his hard dick is seen on this jersey pants in every picture.

my ninja sho❤️: Im sooo horny baby🙁 i wanna ruin you so bad 😘

you: shoyo… HAHAHAHAA just how hard are you 🤣🤣🤣

my ninja sho❤️: Just you wait, 1 more week and you won’t be able to walk after im done with you 🙃

you: 🤭🤭🤭🤭

Truth to be told, you was so close to touching yourself and relieving yourself, but you really wanted to see how long can you hold onto it. You busied yourself with studying, playing the new game you downloaded, eating lunch and having tea time with Yamaguchi in the cafe that you, Hinata, Yamaguchi and Tsukishima like to hang out in your free time. Yachi and Kageyama joined sometime too but Yachi has moved to Osaka for college and Kageyama was busy with travelling because of his volleyball career.

“So how are you coping without Shoyo?” Yamaguchi stop scrolling his phone, looked at you while sipping his frappe. “What do you mean?” You acted blur, you know what Yamaguchi was implying. But you didn’t want to remember anything of Hinata that will get you riled up.

“Oh come on, you two are the second horniest couple I have know. Well Tsukki and (tsukki’s gf name) being the first” he laughed since all of you had been friends since high school years.

“Not saying anything~~~~ don’t ask anymore before I tell your girlfriend you wanna get it” you smiled not hiding the intention of killing. “Jeez ok ok im kidding” he laughed while seeing his girlfriend of 4 years outside the cafe. You and Yamaguchi then meet her outside and walked home for a movie night.

Hinata had just landed into Japan, after getting into the van with the team he texted you to let you know that he will be home in 2 hours. You were eating dinner when your phone pinged, you replied him with a ‘Okie hurry up 😭’ you had missed him, 1 month without hugs from him was quite depressing for you, the house seems quiet without him singing loudly while showering.

You had brought a white crotchless underwear to surprise him, you quickly showered, change into an oversized white t-shirt and slip on the lewd panties. You turned on the tv while watching the 7pm show that you had been chasing since last week.

Time passed by quickly but you were getting sleepy, so you grab your blanket and wrap yourself on the couch snoozing off for a bit, thinking to have a 10 minutes nap before Hinata comes home. But your snooze was interrupted by Hinata’s loud “MY LITTLE BABY!!! YOUR FAVORITE ABS IS HOME!!!”

You jolted awake and rush to jump onto on Hinata, wrapping your arms around his neck and your legs around his waist. Luckily your shirt was long to cover your ass because Hinata’s quick reflex supported them before you could fall. “I miss you so much baby” you whispered lightly while peppering kisses around his neck.

“I miss you so much too” he put you down on the floor and wrap his arms around your waist and kisses your forehead, nose and lips. After the small reunion, Hinata was in the shower and you were on the bed thinking about the steamy night that was about to happen. Just before Hinata went to shower he whispered “Prepare to be ruin by my cock tonight my little slut” this little cheeky tangerine, you thought as you clenched your pussy getting excited.

Hinata’s hands were running up and down your body as soon as he came out of the bathroom naked, “What? Im gonna fuck you anyway, why bother wearing clothes hehe” he chuckled when you glance at him in disbelief. He was kissing you slipping his tongue in to taste you while pulling off your t-shirt, he knew you didn’t wore any bra so he when straight at sucking your nipple while toying the other, his other hand going straight down south, wanting to feel how wet you are outside your panties but was caught by surprise when he touched skin.

“Do you like my surprise?” you said softly to his ear. He glanced up at you, “You are driving me crazy holyshit” he pushed you down onto your shared bed, brought both your legs up and spread your thighs wide to look at his surprise. “You are so fucking wet, you’re literally drenched” he move down collected some of your arousal and show it to you, “Sho, stop it. It’s embarrassing” you cover your face with both hand. Who knew not touching yourself and not cumming for 1 month made you this wet just by kissing your boyfriend.

“If you don’t move your hands away now, you won’t be getting any dick tonight” he said sternly. You were quick to remove your hand and he chuckled at how desperate you are. “You better not hold back your moans if you want to get fucked tonight you little slut” he turned your hip sideways, slip your panties off and slapped your ass, you moaned feeling yourself clenched again. “Do you hear me?” Hinata slapped your ass again when you didn’t answer, “Yes daddy” you whimpered, feeling extremely horny by how Hinata is treating you. Its really been awhile.

Hinata placed you back on your back and spread your legs again, hands holding onto the back of your thighs and diving into your drenched pussy, “Oh fuck daddy it feels so good” you clench your fist onto the bedsheets, back arching. You had been eating pineapple for the past 3weeks in prepare for today, “Why do you taste sweeter than usual baby? Did you had pineapple or what?” He lifted his head up to look at you, man the sight of him wet chin, wet lips full of your juice. You just nodded and clenched your pussy feeling the lost of touch, Hinata look down and the sight of your cunt clenched while juices dripping down made him want to just take you right here right now, but he steadied himself and dive back down to your pussy slipping his tongue into your tight pussy, tasting everything you have to offer.

Not even a minute had pass but you were writhing under Hinata, “Im gonna cum daddy” you whimpered, arching your back and grinding your hips into Hinata’s face desperate for the first orgasm after a month. You almost screamed when Hinata lift his face off your wet aching pussy, “Tonight you are gonna cum on my cock and only my cock” you whimpered a small yes daddy, panicking a little. When Hinata is serious he won’t hesitate to deny you orgasm and you wouldn’t want that.

“Now come and suck daddy off before I fuck your brains out” he lay next to you and you didn’t hesitate to take his already hard cock around your hand slipping the head to your parted lips, Hinata glances sideways to see you still dripping from your pussy, he tapped your ass and you turn back to look at him, lips still on his cock. “Sit on my face” knowing he loves 69 you quickly lift one of your legs and drape it over his head. Shifting your drenched slick infront of his face you move your mouth down to take Hinata’s warm cock into your mouth, “Oh fuck, your mouth feel so good” at this point Hinata wants to see how long he and you could stand denying orgasms before snapping.

You were a hot mess above Hinata, he had denied your orgasm 5 times while you had denied him 3 because you took slower stroke to work him up. Your pussy is literally drenched and sticky, you really couldn’t take it anymore its starting to hurt and you really need to cum, “Daddy please fuck me I need your cock” you turned behind and look at him. “My favorite” he lift himself up and you got on all fours facing the headboard, back arched with your cheeks squish onto the pillow. “Please daddy i am so wet for you, I had been a good girl, I want your cock please”

Hinata thinking he too couldn’t hold it back anymore line up his cock up your pussy lips rubbing up and down to tease you for a bit, he chuckled when you whimpered another please daddy and slip in all the way. You were so tight despite how wet you was prior to the foreplay and its driving Hinata crazy by how warm and wet you felt. “Holyshit baby you are so tight and warm”

You couldn’t think straight, all you could think was if Hinata were to move a few times you will cum soon. He slowly slip out dragging his thick cock veins around your walls and then slamming it back, “Fuck daddy im gonna cum” he continue to slam his cock into your pussy and then pull out completely and look down at your pussy, you were literally sobbing by now you clenched onto nothing and grind your hips wanting Hinata to just fuck your brains out.

You subconsciously slip your finger between your legs to relieve some tension on your pussy but Hinata hold your fingers by your folds, using his hand he guide it and circle it on your hole, you whimpered at how drenched you were, “Look at you wet and horny for me, since you’re being such a good girl daddy won’t hold back anymore okay” He line his rock hard cock back on your pussy and slip in, “I want you to cum hard on my cock okay” he leaned down and you nodded, preparing for his brutal thrust. At his 5th thrust your pussy had clamp down his cock and had you squirting all over your leg, you didn’t had the chance to tell him you were coming, Hinata had to pull out and watch you squirt all over the bedsheet and thinking how fucking hot you were currently.

“Look at you, so desperate to cum that you squirted all over our bed. What a little slut” he was gripping your ass and had continued his fucking your brains out. Your pussy is clenching onto him for the 4th time cumming hard on his dick and he had emptied 3 load of cum into your womb by then, holding you down while shooting his load into you. He weren’t kidding when he say he wanted to breed you.

Your lower half was sore by midnight, Hinata was now lying down with you on top of him grinding and whimpering at how hard he still is, both of your cum making your lower body full of white stains. “Sho- I-I can’t-t im gonna cum again” you grind harder onto his cock while throwing your head back, “Me too baby” he thrust up and hold your hips making you fall to his chest taking in the loud skin slapping and wet squelching sound you both produced, “Shoyo omg please please please harder im so close” he feel your walls clenching hard on him again and you cum hard onto his cock again for the nth time tonight while he shoot his almost nonexistent cum into you again, he really unloaded everything with nothing left. Soft moans filled the room as you lift yourself off his finally limped dick and plopped yourself beside him catching your breath.

“Stay here while i prepare the bath for you okay” you gave him a tired smile and close your eyes for a bit still feeling your body hot from the activity. Hinata came back and gave you a kiss on your sweaty forehead and carried you bridal style to the bathtub filled with warm water with your favorite bath bomb scent.

(EXTRAS)

Hinata was at the MSBY locker room the next afternoon for their short meeting/training regarding an upcoming match. He was shirtless was trying to put on his training jersey when Atsumu gasped, “HOLYSHIT SHOYO WHAT HAPPEN TO YOUR BACK?” All he could do was smile sheepishly and said “My little cat scratch me”

You weren’t spare either, you had to call Yamaguchi telling him you were sick the next morning because of how sore you were and you were literally limping even going to the bathroom. And had to cover the hickeys around your neck before going to school.

(A/N:It’s literally almost 4am here and Im also drenched after writing this fic, I HOPE YOU ENJOY 😭😭😭 reblog and comments welcomed ❤️)

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maddiwrites · 3 years

Text

Breathe With Me

Pairing: JJ x Reader

Summary: After finding out who hurt you on that horrific night, JJ helps you through another panic attack and makes plans to protect his girl.

Note: This was requested a long time ago after a chapter of my rewrite was posted! Instead of doing JJ x OC, like requested, I changed it to JJ x Reader so that people who don’t read my rewrite can enjoy it too. Hopefully this is okay with ya’ll.

Word Count: 3.5k

WARNINGS: Sexual Assault!!! This chapter has descriptions of sexual assault. Please do not read if this is TRIGGERING!!!!

National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-4673

Masterlist

It was another regular day on the island. Hot and crowded with tourists. With everyone working, you decided to tag along with JJ and Pope to delivery groceries for Heyward’s business. Usually this meant going to Figure Eight, your least favorite place to be. Normally it didn’t creep you out too much, but because of a rather recent incident, you didn’t like being there.

Right after your dad went missing, you spent a lot of time with Kie as she lived out her Kook Year. Avoiding the Pogues and John B and surrounding yourself with stuck up assholes and their expensive drugs and alcohol helped you forget about your own family crisis. You would do anything to take your mind off your dad’s disappearance even if it meant getting high on whatever was offered to you. You didn’t ask twice about what it was. You figured if the rich people we’re doing it, it couldn’t be that bad right?

One night you did a long line surrounded by Rafe and a couple of his buddies. Pretty much everything after that was a blur. Your memories are fuzzy, like a puzzle piece you can’t piece together. The last thing you remember is your black hitting something soft, like a mattress or a pillow. You thought you heard the zipper of your shorts being pulled down but figured it was Kie helping you change into a pair of pajamas.

The next morning you woke up practically naked with a blanket covering your bottom half and your bra pulled down to your stomach. You began to panic and ran your hands down your side, flinching at the tenderness by your hips. The skin was yellow/green and getting ready to bruise. Your breathing became shallow and your throat tightened up. You fumbled around the room you didn’t recognize for your clothes and slid them on, not caring what was backwards or inside out. You stumbled out the door and tip toed down the long staircase of the large house you were in. Figure Eight, you thought.

You didn’t go home first. You went to Kie’s house. Because your body ached. Because you wanted to cry but didn’t want John B or the other boys to hear you. Because you were afraid to be naked around anyone but another girl. The second she opened the door, you sobbed into her arms and told her what you think happened to you. Kie tried to get you to go to the police or even the hospital, but you couldn’t fathom the idea of anyone knowing about what happened. Not even a stranger. Because you were embarrassed. You blamed yourself for this happening to you. You were high as fuck, trying to forget about your family troubles. You were the one to make yourself weak and vulnerable. No one else. Someone just took advantage of the position you put yourself in.

Kie didn’t pressure you. She wanted to support you in whatever decision you made, despite wanting justice for you and sending whoever the sleaze bag was to jail. She sat on the toilet and talked to you as you showered slowly. You spent most of the time staring at the wall and feeling ever inch of your body. You felt so dirty and no amount of soap or scrubbing could make you feel any cleaner.

You stayed at her house for a couple of days until John B eventually texted her because he was worried. You both decided it was time for you to go home, but you never told them what happened. You were afraid of what John B and even JJ would do if they found out. And the last thing you wanted was for either of them to get hurt or in trouble.

John B didn’t notice something was off as much as JJ did. He could tell you were being more quiet and reserved than usual. Your usual style of crop tops and jean shorts changed to sweats and baggy t shirts. You slept with your door locked and didn’t touch a single can of beer since you came home.

Moving on from that night was a slow and gruesome process, one you don’t know if you’ll ever fully recover form. Luckily for you, JJ was a great distracter. He was an amazing story teller, he could make you laugh with a small hand gesture, and his laugh could draw you in for hours. No one was surprised when the two of you eventually started dating. Not even John B, who was a little apprehensive about it at first.

To JJ, everything came to light when another make out session became heated. Like that morning, it became hard to breathe and your mind wandered off to what could have happened to you that night. In a blink of an eye, you were back in Figure Eight with someone pulling your zipper down. You could physically feel the bruises on your hips again and your skin burning.

A panic attack emerged and JJ was left confused and lost. Fortunately for you, he was quick to realize something was seriously wrong and helped you through it. He breathed with you and talked you down. When you were calm, you explained what happened. At first he was pissed. Pissed at whoever could have done this to you and even a little bit at you and Kie for keeping this from him. He was ready to charge out of the house, grab John B, and find the sick son of a bitch who would touch an unconscious girl. But your cries stopped him. He’s never heard pain in your voice like he did that night. It physically cracked his heart into a million little pieces and he dropped every instinct he had and stayed with you instead.

Since then, he’s been the most supportive and protective boyfriend. At every boneyard party, he would keep an eye out for any Kook that decided to show their face on your turf. He took note of anyone looking at you in a weird way. He carried the gun he stole from Scooter in his backpack for protection. He was serious about using it too. No one touches his girl and gets away with it.

Luckily, nothing happened between JJ and any Kook. No one made a move to talk to you or tease you. Kooks kept their usual distance from you, which not only made you feel better for yourself but because you didn’t want something to happen to JJ. You know the rules of the game of this island. Nothing bad ever happens to Kooks. They don’t know consequences.

When Pope docks his boat, he asks if you would come with him to drop groceries off at the Thorntons. If he did it alone, it would cause two trips and he doesn’t want to waste time.

As you go to agree, JJ steps in and shakes his head as he looks between you two. “I don’t think thats a good idea.”

“Why not?” Pope asks, completely clueless.

You subtly shake your head, silently begging for JJ not to say anything. Pope and John B still didn’t know and you want to keep it that way. Sure you would feel safer with JJ by your side, but you won’t be alone. You will be with Pope. And who would try to start something in the middle of the day anyway?

“It’s fine, J,” You tell him. You even try to joke. “I’m sure you’ll survive one hour without me.”

When you kiss his cheek, JJ turns to look at you with his brows pinched together with worry. “Y/N...”

“Seriously, J...” You say. “It’s okay. I’ll be fine.” You whisper that last part as Pope turns to get the bags.

“You have your phone?”

You nod and pull it out of your pocket to show him. “Yes. I’ll call you if anything happens.”

As JJ walks in the opposite direction of you and Pope, you feel the tension in your shoulders get tighter. The sight of these homes gives you flashbacks. The worst part about all of this is you don’t even know who hurt you. It could’ve been anyone - a touron even. It would be easier to know who did it so you know who to avoid.

Pope notices your change in behavior but doesn’t mention it. Instead he keeps a silent eye on you and studies your every movement.

As you pass the golf course, you hear a couple cat calls and cheering from a group of teenagers. When you look up, you see Rafe, Topper, and one of their friends making their way over to you. You take a step behind Pope, hiding behind his body and keeping your eyes trained down on your shoes.

“What do we have here?” Rafe whistles as he comes closer. He looks down at the bags in your arms and the beer in Pope’s hand. “Bring us something?”

“These are already paid for,” Pope glares at them.

“Oh, right, right,” Rafe nods as if he understands. Then he takes is golf club and swings it at the brown paper bag in Pope’s arms, causing everything to spill out of it.

“Dude!”

“Sorry, man!” Rafe holds his hands up in fake surrender. He leans down to pick up a beer bottle and tosses it to his tall friend. “Trevor, you feeling thirsty?”

The guy, better known as Trevor, cracks the beer open and takes a long sip. When he looks down, he spots you and eyes your figure up and down. Then he smirks to himself and a shiver runs down your spine. You don’t like the way he’s looking at you. Like a piece of meat or someone he knows too much of.

Rafe catches his eye and smirks to himself. “Ah, yeah. I forgot. You and Routledge have some history.”

Pope looks over his shoulder at you and sees your chest rising and dropping at a quicker pace. You’re gripping the bags in your hands so tight that he can see your knuckles turning white. You look away from the group of Kooks at the golf course with a frown on your face. Something was wrong, Pope thought.

“Yeah, you could say that,” Trevor chuckles. He looks at you again and tilts his head. “What? You don’t remember me?”

“Pope...” You feel like you’re choking. How could he know you when you have no idea who he is? You don’t like where this is going.

Trevor continues, “Can’t say I blame you. You were out of your mind wasted that night -”

“What the hell is he talking about?” Pope says, looking between you and Trevor. He wasn’t one to get confrontational or angry, but he didn’t like what he was hearing. He didn’t like how you were acting. Something wasn't adding up. He knew you’ve hooked up with Kooks before, but this one was different.

“Almost as dead as her daddy,” Rafe chuckles. Something in Pope snaps and he pushes Rafe back by his shoulders. In retaliation, Rafe raises his golf club and smacks it against the middle of Pope’s back, causing him to fall down with a thump.

“Pope!” You cry and drop the bags you were holding and kneel next to him.

“Hey,” Trevor touches your shoulder to try and pull you away from the two fighting boys, but you flinch away from him.

“Don’t touch me! Get away from me!” You cry.

Trevor immediately holds up his hands in surrender and takes a step back. Your outburst causes everyone to freeze in their movements, even Rafe and Pope. The wheels in Topper’s head start to move a little quicker too. He looks between you and Trevor and feels off about your connection. You looked terrified. And Y/N Routledge was almost never terrified.

Even though you are outside, you feel claustrophobic. Your heart is beating so heavily against your ribcage that you wouldn’t be surprised if it were to break your ribs. Pope notices you’re two shades paler and having a hard time breathing. Tears are silently falling down your face and you continue to crawl away form the group of Kooks backwards.

“Y/N...” Pope says quietly.

“We should go,” Topper says. He never hated you like some of the other Kooks did. Sure you never got along, but a small part of him thought you were cool. He knew something was extremely wrong and he couldn’t help but think it had to do with their friend, Trevor. He looks at Rafe who continues to stare at you with surprise. “Dude.”

“Yeah...” Rafe says slowly. “Trev, let’s go.”

The three Kooks scatter back to the golf course. You squeeze your eyes tightly and grip the fabric of your shirt, pulling it away from your body because right now it just feels suffocating.

“Hey.” Pope crouches down near you and lightly touches your shoulder. His touch feels like an electric shock, making you flinch even further away. When you open your eyes, you’re back in some random Kook’s house on a mattress you’re unfamiliar with. “They’re gone. Hey, they’re gone.” Pope tries to be gentle with you, but he also wants to get you out of here and in a more comfortable setting.

“JJ,” You manage to say. Your throat feels on fire. “I need J-”

Pope immediately starts fumbling for his cell phone and dials his best friend’s number. He bounces on the balls of his feet as he impatiently listens to the ringing. “Come on. Come on.”

JJ answers. “Hey! Sorry I’m on my way back now. You’ll never believe how much this lady tipped me. I swear I’m coming on every -”

“JJ, shut up and listen to me. Y/N...” He glances back at you and sees you’re hunched over with your forehead resting on your knees and your fingers through your hair. “She’s having a panic attack or something. I - I don’t -”

“Where are you?” JJ’s once elated tone has dropped to a more serious one.

Pope tries explaining what part of the golf course they are near.

“Okay. I’ll be there in five minutes. Pope, get her under some shade or something. And if you can, try to get her to look at you. She needs to open her eyes to see where she is.” Pope nods, forgetting that JJ can’t see him. “Pope!”

“Oh, yeah. Sorry. Okay, doing that now.”

JJ hangs up the phone so he can run faster.

Meanwhile, Pope crouches down in front of you again and says, “Y/N/N, hey. Can you open your eyes?” Pope lightly taps your ankles. “Hey, it’s okay. It’s just me.” You slowly blink your eyes open and sniffle back the tears. Pope smiles when he sees he’s made some sort of progress. “Hey. JJ’s on his way. Why don’t we move you under some shade? It’s getting pretty hot out here. Can I help you up?”

You nod and let Pope help you up and bring you a couple feet away under a large tree. Your back rests against the bark and you try taking deep breaths to calm the swirling nausea in your stomach.

It was Trevor. It had to be Trevor. From the way he looked at you, to the innuendo Rafe made. You knew in your heart that it was Trevor who had hurt you that night.

A part of you always wanted to know who did this, but another part of you wished you never figured it out. Because now his face will haunt you forever.

About a minute later, you hear another set of footsteps quickly coming your way. You panic, your immediate thought going to Trevor. Would he come back?

But then you hear your boyfriend’s beautiful voice. “Hey.” His tone is soft and gentle. “Hey, baby. Look at me. It’s JJ.” You open your eyes and meet the lovely blue one’s you fell in love with. He grins at you and takes your hands in his.

“I’m so - sorry,” You sob, suddenly hating yourself for bringing this back up to your boyfriend and ruining Pope’s work routine. “I - I -”

“Hey,” JJ says and pulls your hands to his chest, palms down. “Remember what we did last time? Match my breathing, okay? Ready? Take a deep breath.”

Pope watches with awe silently from the sidelines. He’s never seen this side of either one of you. You so panic stricken and scared, JJ so intent with concern and intuitive.

You follow JJ’s breathing until you feel calm enough to breathe on your own. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry,” JJ shakes his head. “Don’t be sorry. Do you want to tell me what happened?”

You look down at your hands that are folded in your lap. You want to tell him. Of course you want to tell him. But you’re afraid of what happens next. You’re afraid of how JJ will respond.

“Rafe, Topper, and their friend Trevor jumped us,” Pope answers for you. Like JJ, he’s also curious about what happened. Of course he was there for the physical breakdown, but he wants to know more about what you’re going through emotionally.

“Did they hurt you?” JJ looks back at you and inspects every inch of your open skin for signs of scratches or bruises.

You shake your head. “No.”

“Then...”

“I know who it was,” You say, your voice as soft as a whisper.

“What? You mean. -” JJ’s head snaps back and forth between you and Pope. “Who?”

You dip your chin into your chest to hide your tears as they start to flow again. You take a deep breath and look back up at your boyfriend. “Trevor.”

“Who the fuck is Trevor?” JJ looks at Pope.

Pope shrugs, “I don’t know. He was golfing with the other two Kooks.”

“Where’d they go?” JJ stands up, causing both you and Pope to follow him.

“No, JJ -” You try to pull him back to you but he slips his wrist out of your grip.

“JJ!” Pope calls out to JJ who walks in the direction the other three disappeared to.

“JJ, stop!” Your voice cracks which makes JJ turn around to look at you. “Please. I just want to go home.”

JJ freezes and bites down on his bottom lip, feeling conflicted. His head is telling him to run after the Kooks and beat every single one of their faces in until he finds the one named Trevor. But his heart is telling him to walk back to you and take care of you.

“Okay,” he decides and wraps his arm around your waist. “Let’s get you home.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

After you fall asleep later that night, JJ tip toes out of your room and silently shuts your door behind him. You passed out early, exhausted from the panic attacks and crying. In the living room, Pope, Kie, and John B are waiting. You had no other choice but to tell John B what happened. Now that Pope knew, it felt wrong keeping it from your brother as well. Of course it caused an argument, but in the end, John B only wants the best for you and to protect you. Which is why they’re here now.

“Ready to go?” JJ looks directly at your brother.

John B holds up his car keys. “Let’s go.”

“Whoa, where do you think you’re going?” Kie grabs John B by the elbow and glares at both of them.

“Where do you think?” JJ says.

When Pope and Kie stepped out of the room to check on you, JJ and John B both secretly decided that when you fell asleep, the two of them would sneak out and find this Trevor person and give him what he deserves.

“Don’t be stupid,” Pope says, looking between the two. “You know how this works. The two of you end up getting in trouble and he gets to walk away clean.”

“I don’t care. I’ll kill him -”

“You can’t,” Kie says.

“I’m not asking for your permission, Kie!”

“Where’s the gun?” Kie says. “If you’re going to do this, I’m not letting you bring the gun. Leave it here.”

JJ looks up at John B who reluctantly nods his head for JJ to give it up. The blonde sighs and reaches into the back of his waistband and pulls it out.

“This is a bad idea,” Pope says again even though he knows the other two don’t give a shit. In a way, he kind of respects it. He would go to if he didn’t have a scholarship to worry about.

“Keep an eye on her. We’ll be back in a couple hours,” John B says.

“You better hope you are. Because if you’re not, you’re only going to be making this worse for her,” Kie tells them.

Kie’s words have both John B and JJ rethinking their decision. But only for a split second.

JJ nods. “Don’t worry. I’d never leave my girl behind.”

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