#i will defend the teachers till my dying breath

[https-yuqiivdol]

𝓒𝓱𝓪𝓹𝓽𝓮𝓻 𝓣𝔀𝓸: "𝓦𝓮 𝓪𝓻𝓮 𝓶𝓸𝓻𝓮 𝓽𝓱𝓪𝓷 𝓼𝓽𝓻𝓪𝓷𝓰𝓮"..!

Chrt/ 0t8(mainly Chan and Minho), Y/n, mentions of Chae-Won

Σ(°△°|||) Warning: mentions of dying, Han is in the hospital. Mxm(Minho and Han are dating), Minho is acting crazy, cursing (and slight Felix x reader), petnames(nothing severe Minho calls you sweetheart)

Plot: You're just like the others, going to your basic university, and of course, you love the popular stray kids, but even then, you have a strange feeling about them and avoid them like a virus. Your suspicions would never be confirmed true. Until one day, life takes a particular path...

It was really hard to get up and go to school, so you told your roommate Chae-Won to tell your teachers and Felix you won't be here, she understood said her goodbye and left, giving you time to rest a bit until a few hours later, you hear some knocking, you wait a few seconds making sure it wasn't any of your imagination until you heard it again, you got up from your bed groaning and open the door only for it to be with your wost nightmare.. Bang Chan, and Lee Minho... just great. Why were the 2 oldest (and the ones you choose to avoid) of the group Stray Kids doing here..? At your dorm too? "Hey, can we talk for a second?" Chan says, trying to be less threatening than he is. You really didn't want too let them in as that feeling sets in again but maybe they wanted to talk about last night, you told them they can take a seat on yours and Chae-Won's couch "We just wanted to talk about what happened with Han and Jeongin" Chan says as he sat down and spoke in the calmest tone.

Your suspicions were true, but it still made your blood cold as shivers went up your spine "Um did Jeongin make it to your guys' dorm?" Did they know? They must have known, right? You doubt Jeongin hid this from his hyungs, and if Jeongin knew exactly how to kill those things, and he knew what that thing was, that must mean they somewhat know too right..? Maybe but your pretty sure that they wanted to know about mainly about Han since hes in the hospital "Im sorry but I wasn't with them when the accident happened" you partially lied, you weren't with them when they got hurt but, you were there when Jeongin killed the monster and after.

"Cut that lying bullshit" Minho's outburst caught you off guard but it was reasonable his boyfriend went into the hospital and the maknae of the group walked inside their dorm busted up with some bandages "I really dont know! I was walking to my car after my job and I heard Jeongin and he was hurt, and he killed this monster with my flashlight" You defended yourself under Minhos stone cold glare, while Chan looked at you with wide eyes "What did the monster look like?" you were hesitant to say anything "well I couldn't see whole but it's had really long arms and claws and it didn't have skin" You talked fast to the point you wondered if Chan and Minho even understood what you said. They looked at each other, like they were reading each other's mind, "Okay um Y/n, do you think you could meet us at our dorm if you could at 1:00" Chan said with a worried look, as you thought they probably don't believe you "For wha- okay. Yeah, sure. " they both nodded and left. What did you get yourself into? Holy shit time passed fast.. it was already 1:00, you put on a sensible outfit, and walked to your destination. Your heart was pounding more and more as you stepped closer to the dorm till you were there.

Two knocks. All it took for your heart to start pounding out of its chest, and who opened the door, of course Felix, worse ontop of worse, huh.. "Chan Y/n's here!" Felix gave you a sweet smile and invited you in. You, in return, gave him an awkward smile, and mentality said goodbye to the moonlight as you stepped inside. When you heard Felix closed the door and locked it behind you, your heart stopped pounding. Instead, you felt it stop, and cold sweat formed on your head. You take a couple of deep breaths when Felix takes your hand. "Follow me -" he sighs the contines his speech "-okay, Y/n, stay calm when we tell you all of this. I know it can be a lot to take in, okay? " he squeezes your hand. You kinda calmed down, as Felix led the way you heard the boys talking. "Seriously Jeongin, what were you thinking?" You heard Chan say, "Not only could you and Han get killed, you got Y/n into this! They don't even know what's going on..." When you saw the dining room, a few members were there Chan of course, Minho, Jeongin, and of course Felix. Jeongin had his head down, apologizing. You felt bad for the younger one. When you walk in, all eyes are on you. It was silent until Chan spoke up. "So, Y/n you know about last night, and we thought it was only fair we told you about it because... your life is in danger.."

What? Your life is in danger? When you were about to let go of Felix's hand, he grabbed it tighter. "What you saw was a Photothesitatic. It's a type of creation of the sound monster. We killed off the rest of the Photothesitatic, and we were looking for the last one.." Your eyes widen."That's why Jeongin was out there, but then what about Han?" You felt Minho's eyes sharpen at you, just as Jeongin spoke up. "I really wanted to prove myself to my hyungs, that I could handle anything, so I convinced Han to join me." Chan sighs he's probably really disappointed. "So then.. how is my life in danger?" You had to ask it. Minho spoke up. "The sound monster targets people aware of its existence in order to get more people to join its little army." He smirks."So basically, you're doomed, unless you agree to our 'terms' of surviving the fucked up town" how could he smile in this situation? "You guys are so strange, hell, maybe even worse." But what choice do you have? "Okay, what are these 'terms' of surviving?" Felix looks at you, then starts talking "Basically just stay close to us, me and Jeongin can protect you! Sometimes Hyunjin." You look at Felix and then the others."So basically, I have to stay with guys all day?" They all nod as you at them in disbelief, "Also sweetheart -" Minho spoke up again "- We're more than strange."

[denzartriste]

the students from magnus archive 34 (Anatomy Class) are Horrors i will defend till my dying breath. They're all just lil guys, they just wanna learn how to be human and get the anatomy right!! They're trying to smile, they gave the teacher guy an apple!! (With teeth in the shape of a smile in it, because they are kind!!)

[missingartist]

Fated Destiny

anonymous asked:

Hi can i request geralt x reader soulmate unwilling to find each other, you can do whatever you want for the story. I know this sentence mean a lot in the tv show ''people linked by destiny will always find each other''

Rating Mature- You have been warned

People linked by destiny will always find each other

The words etched into your skin since your birth. It burnt at first, even after a lifetime you could still remember the searing, the burning, the begging for it to end. The priestess had told you that it meant your bond was strong, the strongest they had ever seen. That had not been very comforting in your heats, with no lover or soulmate to pull you through; those times were harrowing and hard. Still, the priestess had been proud of a Valkyrie to have a soulmate, the stuff of dreams you were told. It made you almost laugh; you were never a romantic, a realist if anything, the scowled you received at the hands of the High Priestess herself were legendary. So few Valkryie receive such an honour and those who kept them after were few and far between. The High Priestess would repeat time and time again that destiny would prevail. Even now, you could clearly recall the sound of her voice as she bared down at you from her throne in the temple. When you ascended from Swan Maiden to Valkyrie, she had been destroyed that you chose to stay at the temple as advisor and teacher.

Staying in Valhalla was practical, there were so few of them remaining that they need sturdy teachers, who else could teach the old ways, then who would carry the slaughtered through to the next world, guard the weak and vulnerable, help the unfortunate. There were times you regretted it; you were not above the idea of love and a family, only a soul bond could grant that for a Valkyrie to free of her duties and allow the gods to grant fertility. Yet, sacrifices had to be made, and you would never had made a good soulmate, too much of a reader, too bookish, too dull. Those were the taunts that were whispered behind your back, the jeers and isolation who received at the hand of your so-called friends in arms, the other swan-maidens. So you remained in the temple bound to your duty, honouring the dying and the fallen.

But in saying that, sometimes you would fantasise. He would be a fierce warrior, skilled in his craft, bathed in blood and at the same time kind with a loving smile and warm arms that would encircle you. Your dreams kept you company in the lonely nights in the library, and that was enough because you knew, no matter what the books said about soulmate, it was romanticised, no one could love another like that, not even your parents, too afraid of her daughters mark to keep her, so instead offer her to the Temple of the Valkyrie.

‘Y/N…’ A voice called you back into the present as your friend, and mentor Edda entered the vast library, gliding across the marble in her white silk dress. Elegant and poised as ever, she had ascended when she was nearing 40, but she was easily one of the most beautiful maidens in the temple, graceful and slim bodied.

‘We have been called to the throne room; it’s the High Priestess, she has called an emergency meeting.’

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

‘Ahhhh Edda and Y/N so glad you could finally honour us with your presence.’ The High Priestess chirped, standing in the middle of the throne room.

Including you, 27 Valkyrie’s stood silently around the edge of the circular hall, some in temple dress of white silk and bright gold metal, hair twisted in place immaculately. Others, in armour, battle dress, plated metal and hardened leather, adorned with the finest steel swords and bows, glittered shield strapped to there backs. Both sides of the Valkyrie were so different. Light and dark. Life and death. Contrasting, but the different sides of the same coin.

‘My children…I fear our age is coming to an end. We have become less and less, humans kill us, haunt us when all we have done is serve them. Till we are the few that remain, if we perish then the Valkyrie is no more. I cannot allow this to happen. The humans have turned, just as they did with the Elfs. Kings mad with power deem themselves beyond us. Some have outlawed magic altogether, train witch hunters to track and kill all things magic. Our temple can stand no longer silent when our brother and sisters are tortured and burnt at the stake. Tissaia de Vries, Rectoress of Aretuza, has pleaded for our help and we can no longer linger at the side of the battlefield. We are Valkyries, shield maidens, defenders, and we do not hide. WE WILL fight. If any of you do not agree, go forth from my halls, I will hold no ill will. But daughters, I beseech you. Fight with me.’

Your eyes did not move from her, her golden hair shining in the light, creating a hallow around her as she moved. No one moved, no one breath till the High Priestess has a sharp nod and ascended the throne.

‘Men have forgotten what it is to be afraid. We will bring fear. Shall we begin?’ The voice of the High Priestess run out deadly across the room as you received your orders.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

With that you found yourself posted to the mortal lands, you still found yourself standing in awe as you past some wonder or another. Skellige had a savage beauty to it, dark greens and blues, mix with the earthy tones of browns and greys. The people for all their ferocious talk and gruff nature were warm and welcoming; few knew your true visage, but that didn’t seem to matter. They welcomed your help with open arms, clothed and feed you.

Your Pegasus, a pure white mare, its wings tucked secretly away at her side as she trotted merrily through the worn path. You had picked her personally from a litter, the runt; you had nursed it yourself, fed it day and night for weeks, will it was strong enough to train and since then you were inseparable. You had flown into battle with her, sprinted through meadows, guarded Kings with your faithful Pegasus at your side.

You had been travelling for days, across Skellige to reach here, the gates of Crach an Craite’s castle, Kaer Tolde. It stood tall and imposing above the sea and waves broke violently against the cliff wall. The stone was a dark grey, but vibrant green ivy climbed the stone, giving it an almost picturesque quality. You hated to admit it but coming to earth had made you realise how much you hate the pristine halls and celestial keeps, you like the imperfect, the grim and the grotesque. Nothing had to be perfect to be beautiful.

A tall, powerful man in traditional garb stood in the middle of the keep, a band of gold surrounded his head, making him almost King-like, a powerful Jarl to be sure.

‘Hail Virtuous Valkyrie, my home is yours for as long as you need.’ The Jarl stepped forward bowing nearly in respect.

‘I thank you, noble Jarl, but just Y/N is fine. My High Priestess thanks you for you tributes. I am at your service.’ You grinned as you stepped forward, clunch his forearm in a Northan handshake.

‘Ahhhhh you with your pretty words. Come I have had the maids prepare a room for you. There is someone I think you have been waiting a long time to meat ’ The jarl laughed as he gestured you into the castle.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The room was comfy, autumn colours warmed the room, while a fire softly roared by the hearth. It was not as grand as the rooms at the Temple, but in its rustic charms, it felt more homely than any rooms you had ever slept it. You made your way, thought the larges corridors to the feasting hall, it wasn’t hard to figure out where you were going, just follow the noise of roaring cheers that reverberated across the castle. The hall was full of merry people, laughing and cheering, songs rude enough to make a sailor blush. It was outrageous, and you loved it. Weiving you way through the crowd you pitched a flagon from a pasting steward toward your host, who stood in conversation with a group of white-haired men and a woman.

‘Ahhhh Geralt, Vesemir, Ciri this is Y/N, the Valkyrie I have the honour of hosting’ Crach beamed as he hoisted his horn aloft draining the vessel in one gulp, droplets of mead, gathering in his beard.

‘Greetings fair warrior maiden, humble Witchers are ever given such an honour’ the oldest man, bowed, revealing two swords strapped to his back, ever ready it would seem.

‘I have never met a Valkyrie before, is it true you ride a flying horse?’ The women Ciri grinned across at you, amused.

A laugh formed in your belly and escaped from your lip before you could fight it back, ‘It is, mine is called Slugger, he often has to roll with the punches, if you want you could come on a ride. She loves to show off. But the honour is mine; Witcher’s are famed throughout the hall of the temple they are very coveted, I believe many of my sisters have a favourite Witcher they protect and guard against harm.’ You teased, taking a sip of the honeyed mead, savouring the taste on your tongue.

‘Hmmm,’ the last Witcher hummed but remained silent, looking boredly at the floor.

‘I never realised you all had different coloured irises.’ You beamed before turned your attention to the silent man's eyes; they were a stunning amber, flecks of gold run through them, along with burnt oranges and saffrons.’ You smiled ‘Your eyes are beautiful.’

The group smiles vanished, replaced by shocked stares. You blinked quickly, eyes snapping from Witcher to Witcher. You had never meant a Witcher before; it had never occurred to you that they may have some kind of etiquette to them. From the tales that spread across the temple, they fought hard and played harder, any coined they earnt was spent on wine and women, they didn’t seem the kind of people easily offended.

Pursuing your lips in a quick apology they stopped as the Witcher’s lips twitched into something resembling a strained smile, it looked neither happy or unhappy just impassive.

‘People linked by destiny will always find each other.’ The man grunted, his bulky form vibrating at the sound.

A shiver through her body and to her core at the sound of his gruff tone. Immediately, your hand flew to cover your forearm, where your mark was held, just above the artery to her heart, in fear that your gauntlet had come off. The gauntlet that had covered your arm the last 50 years, shielding the mark from the world and you. The man's eyes didn’t leave yours as your thoughts raced a thousand miles a minute. The feeling you felt were conflicted, guilt for not find him sooner, for finding him and shattering what he had already made of his life. Happiness at not being alone, soulmates were meant to compliment the other physically and mentally, to meld into one to create the most potent force, unstoppable. A magnetism pulled you to him, powerful and commanding.

‘By the gods…. I never thought you would hear your word Geralt. You have no idea how much shit I used to give him about those words. Beautiful eyes….huh this grumpy bastard.’ The drunken Jarl boomed.

The other Witchers laughed and raised their drink; however, the ashen haired women observed you curiously, through light green eyes, cat-like, only distracted when behind you a couple of warriors began to brawl causing a chain reaction. Within seconds the whole room erupted in chaos, beer and mead splashed against the walls, teeth spilt out across the floor and the sound of flesh against flesh cracked across the room. Blade where unsheathed and the clash of metal pierced the air. By the time Ciri’s eyes came back to find you, you were gone.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The roar of the fight had long ago since died down and the roar of laughed was once again back. Your feet aimlessly wandered the castle for the last hour; you weren’t really sure where or what you were doing, the only thing you could hear was his voice repeating your words over and over, like honeyed silk in your head. You never thought he would be this attractive, tanned marble skin paired with white hair pinned back revealing chiselled features. His body was 6ft5 of honed muscle, and in his armour, he was more than impressive, no wonder he was a favourite among the Valkyrie’s.

‘You know I’m not going to let you leave. Not till you let me ride Slugger. I don’t think Geralt would either, but I think he has a rather different idea of riding.’ Ciri’s voice cut through the chilly night air.

The young women sat cross-legged on a bench at the end of the hall. You stood hesitantly lingering in the middle of the hall observing her; she was expressive and kind, her face told everything. It was a gorgeous face, but her eyes were the main feature, framed in thick charcoal, with a smoky eye effect.

‘I never believed it when Crach said a Valkyrie had Geralt words. Apparently, your High Priestess is important to get you bonded.  Had to see it myself, never thought you would be so cool. Is that really a G'valchir sword- I heard they penetrated anything.’

‘It is, and it does. I'll let you practice with it later…perhaps we can spare tomorrow morning.’ You smiled tightly, coming closer.

‘I don’t think Geralt going to be letting you leave that room anytime soon. Don’t worry Crach removed everyone from this wing. I don’t think he wanted a raging Witcher roaming the halls. It's going to fun having you to hang around with.’ Ciri giggled, hopping off the bench and out the window.

The world had lost all normality. This morning you where a wandering Valkyrie, burden with aiding an uneven war and now you were confused. It couldn't be real, just some surreal daydream, fueled by a bad reaction to mead, you just need to sleep and tomorrow would back to normal. Soulbond forgotten. Pushing your way into your room, you fell against the back of the door and let out a puff of breath, as you removed your breastplate and threw it onto the bed, rolling your neck, groaning as you felt the stratifying clicks and began to unbuttoning your undershirt. Only stopping when you saw a mans armour on the dresser.

‘I thought you were going to run away, though I was going to have to track you down….I am a little disappointed not to have a hunt. I think that would start my rut off.’

Geralt of Rivia was lounging on a bearskin rug in front of a roaring fire, shirt half-open, chest hair teasingly peaking out from a rock hard chest, just as tanned as his face. Why was he in your room?

‘What…What are you doing here? These are my rooms.’

‘Hmmm,’ The Witcher grunted.

You stood in silence for several more minutes, his eyes hungrily devouring you, his predator eyes taking in every inch of you, his head tilted to the side, giving you a beautiful view of his neck. Perfect to bite, to suck, to mark. You could feel a familiar tingle travel through her body; wetness pooled between your thighs as gazed down at him. You wanted to say something, anything, but every time you opened your mouth, no words would form.

Swallowing hard, you spoke. ‘What are you doing in my room.’

‘Our rooms. Crach had my things moved in while we were at the feast. Think he thought it was more…. convenient.’ The Witcher smirked as he raised himself up on one arm.

‘What are you doing here?’

‘I stopped running. You can’t outrun destiny just because you’re terrified of it. I was coming for you. I have always been coming for you.’ Geralt purred, standing elegantly, his full height was impressive and intimidating, he crossed the room in two long strides.

You scrabbled across the bed and darted across to the fireplace. Now the light was to the back of you; his features were more prominent, highlighted by the flickering flames, that licked up the fireplace. Geralt’s shirt was now fully open, revealing the sheer power of his chest, perfectly toned by battles and training, the odd scar decorated his body. No wonder he was so converted, your sisters were going to be green with envy when they found out he was yours.

‘I…. We…You’

Before you mouth could catch up with your mind, you found yourself pin to the furs that laid across the floor in front of the blazing fire. The Witcher hovered over you, eyes searching your face, his large hands gripping your hips as the rest of his length held your body in place. Without hesitation, you curled your legs across his thighs and twisted, switching your position, your knees stretched to pin his hips to the floor, it was an easy advantage, from here you could place pressure on his weak point and for a brief moment escape. As you moved back, though the flimsiness of your riding pants you could fill his hardness pressing against your wet core. You had never felt anything close to this pleasure  from the briefest contact. You had tried to bring your self through the heats, the touches where only enough to stave off the pain for a short while, necessary but not pleasurable.

Biting your soft plush lip, you attempted to hold back a groan, as you moved again. Your grip loosened as you caught yourself gentle grinding against the Witcher. His hands slowly travelled up your thighs to rest on your round bottom, pushing his chest up and once against resting above her. You stared nervously up at him, all thoughts lost, he smelt like mint and spice, it overwhelms your senses. Geralt pulled back, peeling off his black undershirt and tossing it clear across the room. Your eyes following the masterpiece of his muscles as they moved. Tentatively, you let your hands brush across his skin with feathered touches, feeling his muscles tighten and relax under your fingertips.

‘I have never been with a man.’ Y/N gasped.

What sounded like a growl feel from his lips, as he kissed his way down your body ‘You are mine’ Kiss. ‘You are only ever gonna be mine’ Kiss. ‘ To kiss, to make love to, to fuck, suck,’ Kiss ‘to finger and touch’ Kiss ‘to tease and bring to the brink of ruination.’Kiss ‘Just like I am yours.’

The sight of the golden skin man between your legs was too much as sight to believe, his amber eyes pinned you to the plush fur as his rough fingers tore into the weak fabric of your cotton trousers. The sounds of ripping fabric were deafening and you couldn’t help but let a bright red blush as he caressed your features. No mortal man had ever seen you this bare, the only thing that covered you modestly was a pare of heeled riding boot and a half-opened shirt. Geralt made quick work of the boots, sliding them off your calf letting his fingers massage them and he removed them one by one, throwing them over his shoulder.

The Witcher shifted slowly pulling himself up your body; his eyes were dark with desire, he looked prima. The intensity of his look made you shift away, backwards, into the mound of pillows, the ashen haired man did not climb all the way up to you; instead his torso pinned your hips to the mattress, his strong hands shooting out to encircle your forearms pushing the down onto the bed, totally disabling any chance you had of escaping him. Geralt amber irises completely consumed black with lust eyes turned away from her a began to mouth any piece of skin he could, his hot tongue gliding across her flesh, teeth nipping and gnarling as he went. It was so gentle yet possessive; he groaned as he sucked the plump flesh of her stomach. Geralt nuzzled at you stomach before looking at her, directly into your eyes. You held his gaze, staring into the depths, of the emotion swirling in his honeyed orbs. Angry. Passion. Fear…Love. The outburst of raw emotion was unexpected; it made him look…vulnerable. Something you neer thought a Witcher to be.

Your lump pink lips parted to speak but instead he pulled hoarse cry from your throat instead. His free hand found your most sensitive area, your clit, swirling in the wetness that had already pooled between her legs. It was slow and playful as the tip of your finger mischievously teased your opening. It was a curious feeling, the need for something, anything was unfamiliar and terrifying, to yearn for something this badly. His middle finger sank down into your core. Bliss. It was a totally new sensation; a moan escaped your lips as his mouth suckling on your breast as his thumb teased your clit. Breathy moans escaped your mouth as he withdraw his finger almost entirely before plunging it back in, it was frantic, you felt raw with the to sensation it has made you slick and pliant to him, something he took complete advantage of. After a few more thrusts another finger curled within you, almost hitting the spot within you, the spot you knew he could feel. The stretch felt strange at; first; his fingers were large and thick, almost too much but still, you wanted more, something to build the burning arch that roared inside you. He shifted a little so he was on his side, still pinning you down with his body, angling his hand for better thrusts, his other hand still gripping your forearm, as your hand searched for anything to hold, something to ground you from the feeling bubbling under your skin. Finally, after what seemed like an age, her slender fingers found his muscly shoulders, she could feel his muscles flex beneath her fingertips as they dug into him.

‘Geralt!’ The tension in your stomach was close to breaking; you could feel it splintering at the force of his actions.

The Witcher rose on his knees taking in your flustered form, a panting mess beneath him. He shed his leather pants so quickly your eyes could not follow his movements. Now he was bare, a true warrior, all muscles and scars. You wanted to spend day upon days worships his body in the old ways, to guide him to the peak of divine pleasure but now his body caged you to the floor, as his black orbs swirled with lust.

His hard member rested heavily against you, thick and throbbing, he said nothing but slowly sank it deep into you with a swift and strong thrust. A feral groaned grunted through clenched teeth as his eyes fell closed, basking in the tight warmth that surrounded him. The pain was pierced through you; he was so thick you though he had split you in half, instinctively you tried to move away, to shift away from the dull pain but his hips kept you in place.

‘Breath…’ Geralt gritted out through clenched teeth. ‘Tell me to stop and I will’ The rough voice of the Witcher broke out in heavy puff, as he rested his forehead against you.

The pain subsided quickly to an ache, a need for you to move. Raising your hips, you felt Geralt shift, pulling back slightly and pushing back in, shallow thrusts hitting the sweetest spots. Wanton moans spurred Geralt, his hips picking up pace and force, withdrawing fully before slamming into you again.

A thin sheen of sweat covered your bodies, moans and grunts filled the room as the fire illuminated them, glancing down you watched with fascination as his cock pushed its way into her tight walls, it was the single most erotic thing you had ever seen. Geralt's thrusts became stronger and stronger, more iritic and with each movement inched you closer and closer to your release.

‘Geralt….’ Your eyes found his as you pleaded.

The Witcher shifted his weight on his elbow as he sank close, his cock grinding against your sweet spot, his free hand moving between your bodies to frantically play with your clit. His pace increased, desperate and needy as he chased their release. Your moans turned into screams as you felt the warmth fizzle in your stomach.

‘Yesssss, Gods, please….Geralt’ Your voice released a hoarse scream as your orgasm rolled through you. Above you, you felt his hips stutter into you, as his teeth bite down into you shoulder and his cock slammed into you once last time as he poured his seed into you.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

You awoke sometime later to find Geralt tracing the word on your arm, lazily. Contented eyes smiled up at you; his hair ruffled up in pleasant bed head.

‘Mmmmm this is nice’ you hummed and snuggled into him. ‘Things are going to get complicated now aren’t they.’ You sighed tucking you head onto his chest.

‘Hmmmmm’ Geralt grunted wrapping his arms around you, tightly.

Requests are open!

[mariogoetze]

blog/important update

hey lads, with the most recent absence due to covid-19 i had a lot of time to think especially in general and about my future. in that time i also thought about tumblr and blogging and after being here for almost a decade i decided now would be the right time for some major changes. you can read them right below, thank you!

i’ve been on tumblr for a long time almost a decade if you’d like to say. i’ve had the pleasure to meet a lot of nice people, sure some encounters were here and there not nice, but most of them were very good and helped me to develop on this site. honestly back then when i joined this site i really didn’t know how it worked i used 3 different tags for the same person and i wrote in my posts 2 languages going a few sentences first with german and then switching to english afterwards. luckily i’ve met a lot of great people who’ve helped me to develop on this site and helped me to grow not only as a blogger but also as a person, which i’m really grateful for. even tho this site is a hellsite i still learned a lot of things which i was unaware of before and there were also things which i managed to develop which i’m proud of. at this moment i’d like to thank all of those who’ve helped me in the beginning and those through and through my road bc they made my journey on here really amazing filled with lots of joy and also lovely moments as well, so i’m really grateful. i’ve really experienced all kind of things here the world cup 2014 was probably one of the best ones but also emotional matches were the fandom stuck together and sometimes some wins were amazing to celebrate and there were even some defeats which made the fandom closer and let’s not start with all those memes and shit posts which made the interacting really delightful.

with more time on being here and with more inspiration and motivation i received i edited through the years and it was really great. from shitposting, to making memes and to edit pictures and to create gif it was really a hell of a blast! back then when i first joined this site i thought i’d never be able to make gifs and some years later i developed which was really a special moment for me. people telling me they enjoy my edits made me really happy and all the amount of support i received meant really a lot to me. so if you’re reading this and you’ve supported me and my work then let me tell you: thank you. it really warms my heart and i appreciate it.

but to speak now about the major changes on my blog and the update itself, let me start with saying that there are 4 major reasons why the changes will happen. let’s start of with..

1. schedule - my schedule after summer will change which means that i’ll have to work quite a lot and that won’t change anytime soon. as an editor it takes quite a lot to make actually edits (depending on what you edit and how much) and i don’t think that once i come home at 6 pm that i would like to make edits for an hour or so, if you get me? i would rather relax, listening to music, perhaps go to the gym or do something else. with my new upcoming schedule in the near future it will make it hard for me to be posting much at all as i don’t really have the time for it anymore. i dealt before quite well as i had a good balance with my studying, i will continue my studying in the future but for now i will switch to my education and hopefully in the future i will finish what i started and become a teacher.

2. fandom - interacting is one of the key things on tumblr. sure you can just make your posts and go by it i mean in the end tumblr is there to space out, i’ve been enjoying my freedom and to be able to post whatever i want whenever i want and just letting my creativity full out it was really great but nowadays i feel like more and more people are dying out on tumblr, sure they are for example nice and funny people in the bvb fandom and i do enjoy them very much but i still feel like compared to 5 years ago there is a major difference. a lot of my friends have left the fandom, those were people who inspired me to post and in general to be an active part of this fandom, sure they are still great people (shootout to all my mutuals) in it which like i said above really enjoy but i still feel like we got a lot smaller and it’s kinda less fun? i mean it’s still rolling and going but with a lot less fire than it used to be.. at this point i would like to say that i’m not trying to ruin anyone’s fun i mean if you’re still enjoying what you do then that is wonderful and please keep it up. for me the fire just got smaller and the desire has shrunken tbh. i think it’s logical tho i mean when people leave you enjoyed interacting with and also the the dynamic of the fandom changes and the club also with coaches and players it does make sense. those who are currently there are doing a good job and they kept me motivated till my last breath to keep me going so i would like to thank all my mutuals for being lovely human beings. i feel like in general you need to take more care at what you write, post and say, i mean if you for example were not happy with a certain player’s performance or in general if something bothers you, you need to watch out because there could always be someone who could hate on you for doing so and that kinda sucks.

3. favre - if you follow me for a longer period of time you will know that i was never really found of him. i don’t hate him but i do dislike him for many reasons. i personally don’t see us winning a trophy with him as he’s lacking of the mentality of some other great coaches who have won some trophies recently and in the past. for me he just doesn’t fit into the system of bvb as he gives me this ‘chicken’ scared kind of vibe. the tactic changes to play with like 3/5 defenders is something i find also quite questionable that we are not able to play with just 4 defenders and also let’s not talk about that time our players were lacking off motivation. sure it’s not all the coach who is to blame but for me he’s the major reason for a lot of questionable things, decisions and results which happened in the past. now that favre said a few days ago that he wants to continue to work with bvb and zorc said that they don’t look out for a new coach i think that totally ruins it for me.

4. favorite player - now it’s official (not like that it wasn’t obvious before) but yes mario will leave bvb. obviously my heart will always beat black and yellow, but i’m really disappointed in the way how mario is leaving. after he came back and fought of his disease he has always given his all for this club. in his playertribute he wrote how after he came back he understood more the club and how the fans feel and i totally dig that as whenever he played he always showed heart and wanted to win, especially last season when he was one of the best if not the best player who alongside other players like jadon almost made it possible to capture the bundesliga title. after that amazing 2nd leg of the bundesliga what happened afterwards? he got treated like shit. benched all over and never gotten a chance to play. after 6 games of being benched and a 1+ minute sub in the ucl at the 91′ minute he played vs bremen and guess what? he scored, he provided 3 goal chances, his pass accuracy was very high and he became man of the match. favre said he played very well and what then? he got benched again. i really hate how bvb is treating him almost like as if he was just air you know and i don’t think he deserves that, i mean he has given his all whenever he got the chance to play but to treat him like this is is just very unfair. he showed that he still has qualities and can actually play well and help the offensive but not on favre’s watch.

so now with mario leaving i don’t think i will do much edits as i used to because in general it hurts me really that he is leaving i grew up with him being in bvb as a 17 yo boy who just came from the youth. now he is rotten on the bench and gets treated like shit and his last match? well i don’t know if he will even play by the amount of time favre is benching him. but one thing is to say: once he’s gone he will find a new club and finally play again and find his happiness and that makes very happy.

but back to my blog now: one of the main reasons why i joined this site is because of mario götze, my fav club and of course the love for football, to express my feelings in a different way as you know such as edits or text posts and so on. now that mario is leaving i don’t think i will be really motivated to make edits and since my schedule and tumblr itself is changed/is changing i decided it would be the right time to take a step down.

so no i’m not leaving tumblr - i just change my blogging style and activity. i will definitely make less edits, i will probably reblog much more, i will still try do to make posts here and there (if my schedule and mood allows it and is good) but i don’t think i will be any longer the blogger i used to be for a long time on this site as i think with mario leaving bvb and also with now almost a decade of difference of tumblr and all the changes with happened on this site, the fandom itself and people leaving i think it’s fitting to make this step. i joined this site when mario left bvb and now that mario is leaving again i think my active-phase of being a football-editor is coming to an end. 

i will still be around like i said, just in a different way and style. i’ve made some great friends on here and there also a lot of nice people who i still need to get to know better and to which i look forward to! i really appreciated all the support i’ve received through out my journey and i just wanted to thank you it really always meant a lot to me! my journey is now ending now and i’ve really appreciated being able to express all my creativity and feelings for such a long time with your support you’ve always encouraged me to do even more and to feel good at what i’m doing so thank you! i look forward to my new chapter as now blogging will be different to what i’m used to but regardless i look forward to it.

i’m not ded i’m just taking a step back and i’m in the second seat row now. thank you 💛

[hpdabbles]

The Difference Between Living and Not Dying 2

PART 2 OF THIS

Somehow, Draco builds a reputation over the course of the year. He never set out to make one himself, but he soon finds himself labeled “Nicest First Year Wizard”.  

He wants it to be perfectly clear he never wanted that title nor does he enjoy it overly well yet he found that most students approached him with various problems he could solve easily. It was after all the problems of children. 

“Malfoy I can’t find my class”    

“I’ll walk you. It can get confusing with the staircases disappearing”

“Malfoy, I don’t understand the potion homework”

“Pull up a chair. I can explain it to you.”

“I-I can’t sleep. I’m scared..”

“I’ll ask one of the castle elves to make us some tea. In the meantime would you care for a story? I find reading helps me rest at times”

And the list of request only extended from there. At first, it was only his fellow first years that dare approach him which he didn’t mind too much but soon second, third and even some fourth years have wandered close. Each smiling at him like he was capable of good; like they couldn’t think of a Hufflepuff ever being vile. 

Draco was nearly at his wit's end. Where was the hostility he was used to? Shouldn’t these kids be wary of him not follow him around at each given second? He couldn’t even walk to class without stopping ten times by students whose names he couldn’t remember.

His second title was as illy welcome as the first but he did take some pride in “Smartest 1st year”. Granger struggle to keep up and he applauded her efforts, but she was an actual child. It would hurt his pride far too much if she scored better then he.

Besides everything was so easy. Draco hoped that his teachers would soon realize this and have him skip a grade or two because going to Hogwarts for the next seven years sounded like torture. 

There were some technicalities. After all, the excuse of his father buying the best tutors money could buy before he started school could only go so far- most likely till someone bothered asking the said man which tutors he hired and learning there were none. 

Which wouldn’t be a problem at all if he thought about it. His parents have taken to pretending he doesn’t exist the moment they learned of his new sorting. Besides the howler, his father sent him- sitting in silence while it screams and spat at him in his dorm and then shrugging when it finishes- was the last time he spoke to his parents since the year started. 

He couldn’t really blame them in all honesty. There were still some morning were he stumble over his tie, expecting to see green instead of the eye-watering yellow.  

It was rapidly approaching Halloween now though and their silence hurt. Maybe it will always hurt regardless of his age.

Draco quickly learns one thing in his do-over. Children were great, teenagers not so much. Oh, he still liked them well enough, but he could do without the teenage angst they all went through. Especially in the third years. Thirteen-year-olds are some of the meanest people out there. Vicious little beast tears each other apart for no reason other then they can.

Already he’s had to put himself between three different groups to get them to leave the younger kids alone. Ironically this was how he meets the Weasley Twins, or as he secretly called them, the Terror Twins.

Draco remembered them as the pranking duo who had a vicious streak against Slytherins. George and Fred Weasley were names hissed and sneer in the snake common room, spat with as much venom in the syllables as physically possible. Having been caught in some of their pranks, Draco hated them too once upon a time. 

But for all their faults they seemed like amazing brothers and that was something he envied the Weasleys greatly. What must it be like to be part of a family that loved each other unconditionally? Often he wondered if he would trade all his wealth for that small sense of warmth that surrounded the family 

Imagine then, his surprise when he came across a sobbing Percy Weasley on the lake bank one late night on one of his walks. Draco had a hard time sleeping ever since the war. often times sneaking out to take strolls to the lake and get some fresh air. He knew the Perfects routes well enough and found it was easy to speak about.

When he arrived to find the fifth year sobbing into his hands he almost turns right around having enough of being Class Mum but Draco’s mind flashed back to his own sixth year. He couldn’t just leave him like this when all he wanted back then was someone to notice Draco Malfoy slowly falling apart. 

He found himself flopping down by the Weasley and spent the rest of the night probing him until the physically older boy admitted it being family troubles that had him here. Knowing just how tricky family drama could be, Draco changed the conversation attempting to distract him.

 He picks the first thing that popped into his head, asking the Perfect on advice on what classes he should take and right before his eyes watched the Weasley come to life.  It wasn’t too long before the redhead was babbling away about subjects, an air of excitement around him as he spoke. The lad barely took breaths between words.

Draco struggled to keep up with the speed but he paid as much attention as he could. It was the right thing to do when a child talks about their passion, after all, even if said passion was a bit on the dull side.

Sometime later, however, Weasley cut himself off looking ashamed. “Sorry I got excited.” 

Draco frowns.  “Don’t do that. Don’t apologize for being excited over something you like.”

Weasley’s face broke into such wonderment, the blond nearly stood up and ran right then but he held his emotions under a tight grip and firmly added. “You enjoy something. Be proud of it. ”

“I am” The redhead chokes  “I really am”

Nodding Draco leans back on his hands “Good, now keep going. I want to hear your theories.” 

It took some proper probing but soon Weasley was back on his explanation on why potions was an under-appreciated field, which Draco wholehearted agree with.  The kid was brilliant.  But then again what else would one expect from a student that graduated with twelve OWLS and had a ministry job line up the moment he finished to boot.

It seems someone had to tell the poor guy he was pretty impressive more though. Obviously, not enough people told him that.

Later the Perfect walks him back, taking two points from Hufflepuff for being out of bed past curfew though he seems regretful to do so. Draco didn’t mind too terribly. After all, Weasley was only doing his job and he could have taken far more points plus he hadn't given him detention. 

After years of people watching his every move to catch the slightest of mistakes and handing harsh punishments, the boy's soft rebuff was sweet. 

Once he was inside however he tracked down the reason Weasley was crying. The Terror Twins are in need of a good verbal lashing and Draco was ready to do the whipping. He finds them with a burning passion to protect the nerdy kid since he gets it from a personal level. He too is the black sheep of his family after all. 

“Leave him alone” He starts staring up into amused thirteen years olds.  “Stop bullying your brother Percy.”

“It’s just some jokes,” One of them says rolling his eyes. The Malfoy bristles at the careless attitude. “Icky Percykins-”

“Is more than a joke to amuse you. He’s a person with feelings and I like you to stop bullying him” He cuts in a voice hard and cold, all his pureblood power behind each word.  

“Hey, hey, hey” the other twin says angerly “You don’t say that! Percy isn’t a joke to us!”

Draco’s eyes cool a few extra degrees, refusing to raise his voice.  “When you only talk to someone to prank them and mock what they enjoy then they turn into jokes. You make them think they’re nothing but a joke. Eventually, the joke stops being funny. Eventually, the person either breaks or leaves; either way, you lose a brother to death or distance. Cut that shit out.”

Not giving any time to do nothing but gape he turns, walking away with a high held chin. He’s said his piece. Now it was up to them to fix things. 

He couldn’t really tell them what to do. His house was made of glass when it came to dysfunctional families and he wasn’t about to start throwing stones. He would, however, keep an eye on Percy Weasley. Wouldn’t do for the lad to burn out or fall apart on his watch. 

Sitting with Potter at dinner had been sort of awkward that evening. The Terror Twins had eye him all through the meal with thoughtful frowns and glimmering eyes. His hand had hovered over his wand, twitching with the urge to defend himself. 

Potter quickly distracted him with potions questions and he pushes them out of his mind. The boy still seems to jump whenever Draco got to close and he was grateful for one content thing about this time traveling business. 

A week later however the twins pull him into an unused classroom. Expecting retaliation Draco finds himself blurting out. “I’m not scared of you.”

The left one- Fred?- raised an eyebrow  “Why’s that?”

A mockery of a smile curls Draco’s lips. “There’s nothing you could do to me that hasn’t already been done”

The twins had never looked distressed in his memories pre-Fred death but now they did.  “Blimey kid, that’s not okay. Are we really that awful you think we’re going to hurt you?” 

A quick shrug has them wincing. “We just like pranks. We never meant to hurt. Especially not our family.”

The right one- George right? Yes, that one is George-  gives him a wobbly smile.  “We had a little chat with Percy about what you told us. Turns out, we haven’t been the best of brothers to him. We’re going to change that.” 

Draco couldn’t keep the surprise off his face and that makes them more upset. They were going to try and change? That far more then he could ever imagine possible.

“Look we just- if you need something let us know.” Fred places a hand on Draco’s shoulder.  “We wouldn’t have known about Percy’s....dangerous way of thinking. He could have done something to himself and we wouldn’t have been the wiser. We could have been the extra push he needed to...to do something”

Ah. So Percy had too many similarities to Draco’s sixth year to be comfortable. He’ll make sure to keep sharp things away from the Perfect then. 

“I will thank you” 

“No, thank you.” George breaths while Fred squeezes his shoulder. Just like that their gone and Draco waits a little while before slipping out.

Only to run into Potter who looks like he has bitten into a lemon. “Why were you  alone with Ron’s brothers?”

“Hmm? Oh, opportunity maybe.” 

Potter’s frown is more profound for the next three hours or so. The Malfoy heir has an essay he needs to finish so he doesn’t care. He’s made it his life goal to not care what Potter is up to. Maybe his life will be easier this way.

A week later, however, find Draco bursting into the girl's bathroom after hearing Granger was still in here when the Troll was loose- someone had to make sure kids stop dying in this stupid school- and came upon Potter and the future Mr. and Mrs. Weasly cowering/standing there ground before the beast.

He hesitated long enough to have a deep intake of breath, because honestly why is this his life? And then he was throwing himself into the fray. His magic was still nearly nonexistent but he could throw rocks really well.  

Nicest and Smartest first year his ass, this shit was so not worth his thesis paper!

[atemgirl94]

Hitman pt. 3

Atem's Pov:

I knew that things were not so easy and of course I never did college work so this literally was harder than it looked. We had the next two days off thankfully and I called her as I heard the line pick up and she yawned seeming tired. I wonder if she pulled all nighters with the homework. She was a very rare little minx in a way and she was the target.

"Hello, Britt Petrova's phone" She said clearly tired

"Hey Britt...it's your new classmate Atem. I was wondering if you'd help me with the home work." I said

"Hm, yeah sure. I'll meet you at the cafe in like two hours." She said

She clearly didn't know I knew where she lived and that was fine, I wanted to see just what she could do. Two hours passed before we met up and when she arrived she was fully awake so I must of caught her at a bad time. She went over the study work with me which didn't seem bad and I noticed her choice of clothing. Women don't normally wear tops that show their cleavage unless one they didn't care or two they were trying to attract a guy. She didn't right out flirt with me like Laila did so I figured she was the type that just wore what she wanted. Suddenly I realized she was trying to get my attention.

"Huh?" I asked

"I said if you're still struggling you can come to my next study group it's in a few days." Britt said

"Oh that'd be nice" I said She nod as she started noticing people staring and suddenly she offered her hand to me "Come on we can take this where people won't gossip. Nothing personal I just don't like the kids at my school thinking they know me." She said

I took her hand as she led me off, to say she didn't intrigue me was not to be taken lightly but I noticed she let me come to her house. I walked with her like it was no big deal and like studying was all we were going to do. I noticed her twin sister there and her younger sister as she let my hand go and walked over talking over their studies with them. She was a good teacher that was for sure and she walked her younger sister through everything it seemed.

She does so well...and she's not like my former victims. I thought then mentally smacked myself

She was tending to things and doing well while smiling. Her sister told him to feel free to walk around they didn't mind. Their first mistake as I made a mental note about the house as I walked seeing that the rooms each had names on them. Britt, Bre, Nana, Aidan so I knew now she had three siblings that were two sisters and a brother. Her parents room showed they were recently here and after so long I made an excuse to leave.

I got a blueprint of the house marking on her room a circle which meant she was the one to take out. Part of me thought she was too innocent but I'd already been paid to take her out.

Britt's Pov:

Atem Sehkret, he was an odd one but I liked it. Something about him peeked my interest and that was rare. I was being nice for now till one day he decided to make his true colors known. We were alone and he pulled a knife out but I defended myself with water creating a shield.

"Why?" I asked

"Someone wants you dead" He said

"Laila, that bitch" I said

"Now now..be the good girl" He said

I wasn't going to give in so easily and I used water to knock him back. I ran fast as I whistled for my horse and he came running. I jumped on his saddle and had him run off. I wasn't going to let him kill me so easily and I heard my phone ring as I answered it.

"Hello Britt, there isn't anywhere you can go. I know all your favorite places." Atem said

"Try to find me but it won't be easy. I'll fight you till my dying breathe" I said

"Good girl, I like a challenge." He said then hung up

What is this feeling? Never felt like this before but it's thrilling. I thought

[barbecuedphoenix]

400 Followers: Tag Meme

I got double-tagged by both @camec and @dragongirl98765​, so there’s nowhere left to run.  

But this is a fun meme, no lie. ^_^ A lot less writing for me; phew!  

Rules: tag nine people (approximately) and bold the statements that apply.

APPEARANCE: i am 5′7′ or taller (Ha ha) |  i wear glasses/contacts (contacts in the day, glasses at home/night) | i have at least one tattoo | i have at least one piercing (just in the ears; low maintenance scarring, please. ^_^) | i have blonde hair | i have brown eyes | i have short hair (always; it’s naturally coarse and impossible to maintain past shoulder-length) | my abs are at least somewhat defined (Ha ha ha) | i currently have/have had braces (plus tooth extraction, because my mouth is far too small to hold 32 full adult teeth. My skull is going to make a forensic anthropologist turn their head one day.)

PERSONALITY: i love meeting new people (eh… depends on the day. -_- ) | people tell me that i’m funny (though I’m not stand-up comic material, I almost-always toss in a joke when I talk) | helping others with their problems is a big priority for me (it’s an obsessive compulsion; one time, I nearly got myself physically hurt defending a stranger in a parking lot) | i enjoy physical challenges | i enjoy mental challenges | i’m playfully rude with people I know well (the ‘playful’ part is debatable, according to some family members… >_>) | i started saying something ironically and now I can’t stop saying it (I have a high baseline potential for irony, so this doesn’t count) | there is something I would change about my personality (*looks at my list of new year’s resolutions* Er… <_<)

ABILITY: i can sing well (alto range only, so this doesn’t exactly count either. :/) | i can play an instrument | i can do over 30 pushups without stopping | i’m a fast runner (my friends tell me I’m a *creative* runner: I zigzag, leave obstacles, and search for hiding places when I have to outrace someone) | i can draw well (Ha ha) | i have a good memory (Biology nerds have to have a decent memory to survive exams. All that technical vocab…) | i’m good at doing math in my head (Not instant trig, but as a kid, I trained myself to do some fast arithmetic & rounding) | i can hold my breath underwater for over a minute (fun fact: I once spooked my classmates by staying underwater in a pool for 3 minutes, twice in a row. To conserve energy, you have to slow *everything* down, especially thought and heartrate.) | i have beaten at least two people in arm wrestling (I got beaten *by* at least 2 people in arm wrestling, but I don’t think that counts) | i know how to cook at least 3 meals from scratch (*college survival mode*) | i know how to throw a proper punch (a ‘proper punch’ has its limits when you’re not even 100 lb. >_>)

HOBBIES: i enjoy playing sports (nope; you’re talking to someone who regularly gets knocked in the head by projectiles she can’t catch.) | i’m on a sports team at my school or somewhere else (see the previous) | i’m in an orchestra or choir at my school or somewhere else | i have learned a new song the past week | i work out at least once a week (biking counts?) | i’ve gone for runs at least once a week in the warmer months | i have drawn something in the past month | i enjoy writing (oh yes!) | fandoms are my #1 passion (surprisingly, no...) | i do or have done martial arts (aikido back in grade school. I really need to pick it up again…)

EXPERIENCES: i have had my first kiss (lots of other ‘firsts’ came with that incident, actually. >_>) | i have had alcohol. (not often; I’m a pure lightweight who gets a hangover while she’s drinking) | i have scored the winning goal in a sports game | i have watched an entire season of a TV show in one sitting (it was one of those days…) | i have been at an overnight event (I’m a practiced insomniac) | i have been in a taxi (which crashed into another car too. What a night that was. >_>) | i have been in the hospital or ER in the past year | i have beaten a video game in one day (it was another of those days) | i have visited another country (quite a few; my yearly homecoming route alone crosses a lot of countries) | i have been to one of my favorite band’s concerts

MY LIFE: i have at least one person i consider a best friend (it’s more like I rotate between different friends for different types of company) | i live/lived close to my school | my parents are still together (they had to really fight for it, but that’s the standard story of 30 years of marriage) | i have at least one sibling (two, actually) | i live in the united states (my Yankee English and Trump jokes must have given me away. ;) ) | there is snow right now where i live (actually, there’s almost never any snow where I live, even in December. This city freaks out and shuts down operations if we get more than an inch of snowfall.) | i have hung out with a friend in the past month (my friends are all *very* scattered, so it’s mostly phone calls & Skype) | i have a smartphone (which I still use like a dumb ‘cellphone’ most days. Don’t judge me. >_> ) | i have at least 15 cd’s | i share my room with someone (My brother shares an apartment with me… but my room is very much off-limits to him. -_-)

RELATIONSHIPS: i’m in a relationship (nah, and I’m not looking for one either this year) | i have a crush on a celebrity (*cough* still Michael Fassbender *cough*) | i have a crush on someone i know (no eye candy this year. *sigh* :( ) | i have been in at least 3 relationships | i have never been in a relationship | i have asked someone out or admitted my feelings to them (funny story: the first guy I passed my phone-number to never replied, or told me he had a fiancée. Until she called me several weeks later after trying to stalk me on Facebook, and told me she broke up with said fellow after finding my phone-number among his things. Since then, I don’t ask people out; I wait. >_>) | i get crushes easily (it really depends the guy; I’m drawn to very specific types, like a magnet to a hadron collider) | i had a crush on someone for over a year (ever since the movies Fish Tank and Jane Eyre. Gosh... I feel like a creep. -///-) | i have been in a relationship for at least a year | i have had feelings for a friend (only once back in secondary school; these days... it’s more like the other way around. >_>)

RANDOM SHIT: i have break-danced | i know a person named jae (a lot of Korean kids, actually, in both grade school and college) | i have had a teacher with a last name that’s hard to pronounce (nothing a little practice with an online tutorial couldn’t fix) | i have dyed my hair | i’m listening to one song on repeat right now | i have punched someone in the past week (yes, that will do wonders for my social life. >_>) | i know someone who has gone to jail (someone I once worked with in college; I still don’t know where the poor guy is now. :( ) | i have broken a bone | i have eaten a waffle today (Actually... I had part of a blackberry pie I baked, from berries I personally collected this summer. ^_^) | i know what i want to do with my life (more or less) | i speak at least 2 languages (not at the same proficiency level, but it’s there) | i have made a new friend in the past year (I’ve made one or two minor friends in classes, but nothing lasting past the quarter) 

I hereby tag @kacychase, @muchelegantlio, and @eldaryastuffs. Though if you’ve done this already, feel free to ignore this shout-out. ^_^ 

[sofiaenbarcelona]

Presenting my idea for my final project at the Creative Writing Master has proved to be nerve-wrecking because I love and will defend fantasy and science fiction till my dying breath but also how do you present that to a kick-ass editor/writer/journalist teacher and try to prove your point that this is also worthwhile literature rather than “pop” and “commercial” art????

[aleatoryalarmalligator]

My life story, Part 42

I was beginning to have a poor attitude towards society in general. I had always been a little off, a girl who walked around imagining things that weren't there, dazing off, obsessing over small interests, talking to myself just a little. I had been bullied in small ways, belittled by teachers and abused by my family, but I had more or less kept this sense of innocence about me. I think late 2004 was the year that I became resentful. I used to keep a journal for instance, and I would chronicle the lives of my fellow students, noting if they had had a rough time that I had noticed, or if they were dating someone. I never dehumanized anyone, no matter who ridiculous or mean to me they were as a person. This was starting to change around then. I would see society as this towering feeling of oppression, and the people around me as one choreographed mass of human-tools, sucking up whatever was given to them, be it the top 20 radio hits, television shows, what people wore or dressed like, religion, political parties. It seemed homogeneous and empty to me now, and people around me were smiling slaves working for whatever force it was that Zack had always told me about. It was baffling to me that I had once been somewhat taken in. I had never of course succeeded in fitting in because I was already been too weird to belong to these people truly, but I had more or less gone through my entire life unquestioning.

It was hard for me to smile. I truly felt alone and opposed to almost everything around me as I walked down the halls. There was a thick skin between me and everyone else. I had been shamefully open with high school jocks who had always looked to making me perform my silly ideas out in the open. I had always trusted that the world made sense, your friends were really your friends, society was mostly good and also not worth thinking about, and the latest fad was popular because of it's merit alone. Now I was guarded, and slightly on the attack if anyone intruded my space, and willing to tear anything apart to find something not to like about it. I suffered from black and white thinking, and a need to dismiss people, places, things and ideas without truly studying them. The things that were good were almost religious to me in nature, my aesthetic taste had transcended to a moral objective truth. The bad was corrupting, evil and by it's very existence, an insult to me personally and everything I loved and found worthy of defending. I didn't see a lot of middle ground.

As I am much older now, I know my way of thinking at the time was largely due to fear and a lack of trust. I was beginning to develop a set of defense mechanisms, and one of those defense mechanisms was a very oversized ego about my own opinions and what I liked and what moved me being better than the fake feelings that were sold to the masses. I didn't think I was great or anything personally – as I was very insecure in all reality, and I would not say that it really developed into true narcissism in the DSM sense. I was giving myself certainty I believe. I was setting up an enemy to confront my own pain really. The modern world was too confusing and I was rejecting it in some way to embrace a cultish tribal feeling against the rest of the world as a whole. The enemy was some force that I didn't understand. It seemed to dictate the lives of every seeming adult I had ever known, and every aspect of the society I lived in, and yet it didn't have a face. Zack of course, in his cliché' things he had read or heard called it The New World Order. So I blindly clung to that feeling of an impending need to cling to the art I held dear, in much the same way a Christian might cling to their faith and be willing to die for it.

The only person that I emotionally felt open to was Zack. And I was bent on keeping him around. But I had chased him away. I had some luck with him after I had used Noah to make him jealous and then changed my mind, but in a sense he never quite sat at the lunch table with us. I remember one day quite vividly. Zack and the rest of us had snuck into the small seldom used basketball court. Zack had taken his shoes off. He was talking about love, and about how loving people was the one thing that the freemasons couldn't stop us doing. He talked about how he had this deep painful and profound love for everything in the entire world. I admired him, and wished I could be more like him. He somehow convinced me to take off my shoes and hippie dance with him. And then he told me, looking me straight in the face, that 'Everyone deserves to be loved, Renee'. I really felt blown away by this statement. It kind of tore down the defenses I was making. And it felt good, even for a moment, to escape from the inner prison I was living in. The notion that everyone deserved love rehumanized everyone. The hordes of mindless jocks and popular girls no longer seemed like empty shells, but uncertain souls trying their best to maneuver and often stumbling through life trying to find meaning and love in some form just as I was. Of course, Zack was also the same person who  told me that the entire school had been replaced by robot replicas. I had never bought into it, much as it seemed right to agree with whatever Zack believed. So I cannot entirely verify that Zack knew what he was really talking about. But I held onto that statement, and for many years of my life, I think it kept me sane, and I held it near to my heart, like a psychological locket I wore under my clothes.

There was also a day where Zack introduced me to a very strange and odd technique for 'waking yourself up' when you were beginning to feel like you were dying inside and becoming 'one of them'. He walked out of the school, ran and leaped as high in the air as he could and forced himself to land on his knees. He threw his entire body into it. His knees were scraped and bloody and stung. At first I was hesitant, but I took a deep breath and did the same thing. We must have looked insane to onlookers. We started doing it over and over again till our knees were bloody. Sarah tried it but didn't care for being in pain, and Samantha probably thought we were morons. There was something addictive about the pain of jumping and falling. You were throwing yourself to the winds, using yourself as a weapon and at the same time accepting that you were your own weapon. The stinging pain was surprising and addictive. Both of us had bloodied knees by the end. There were times when I wondered if Zack was trying to start a cult. He talked about the world very much like a cult leader at times, and liked creating barriers between the world and a small following.

Ava showed up midfall one random day. She now had a license and wanted to drive around. She took me in her car and instantly put on Manic Monday by The Bangles and driving the car in sharp circles till we were both sick. Typical Ava. We were all mad about the war in Iraq, but none of us understood why. It just seemed like something an evil corrupt group of powerful men decided on arbitrarily. Honestly, I was mad for the sake of being mad. I didn't care about war on a grand scale, nor could I really comprehend it. I just felt strangely against it at the time. Ava was probably more aware of what was happening than I was. She had a friend named Emily with her, who was a quiet mousy girl. Ava, Sarah and I got in her new vehicle. She bragged about her never ending gas card. She could basically drive around however she liked, with nothing stopping her. We got in her car, and throughout the afternoon, went through our town, and all the neighboring towns looking out for Support Our Troops magnets. I guess we felt that stealing these magnets was the ultimate act of defiance against the government. I think we stole twenty or more. The only time any of us got caught was when Emily got caught. They called her to come to the car, and she got chewed out. But she was small and mousy and they chastised her but left her alone.

In history class one day, one of the classes I paid no attention in still, I was randomly called upon in front of the class to explain what I thought what the government was for. I immediately told everyone that the government was there to push people down and make them subservient and submissive to the real masters of the world. Mr. Bradley looked at me surprised. He told me I was wrong, but seemed amused overall. The rest of the class looked at me like I was crazy. At some point, a preppy girl named Mary stood up and explained that people like me didn't belong in America. She said that if I didn't like America, she would like to see what they would do to me in Saudi Arabia. I was annoyed, but I didn't get much of an opportunity to defend myself. But this was by and large how people in the school felt about me. If I didn't like it, they would just assume that I disappear.

At this point in my life, I was very invested in my sort of self-righteous atheism. I think this is probably fairly common with first-year atheists in middle and high school. It wasn't enough to have my own personal developed sense of the world – I had to make sure others knew they were wrong in their faith. I still have retained many of the beliefs I had back then, but honestly, half of my reasons for not believing in a higher power were more based on a mistrust for church, and an incredibly limited historical look at Christianity specifically. I knew next to nothing about Islam, Judaism, any of the beliefs of Asia. My thinking was so all or nothing in those days that I scoffed at anything that didn't hold up to my version of reality, or didn't seem obvious to me. Basically, I was beginning to turn into Ayn Rand, though I didn't know who she was at the time. This is why, in the present, I kind of understand why some people gravitate towards objectivist thinking, towards believing in 100% free will, anarcho-capitalism, and a more traditional libertarianism (I was never a tea-party or Obama is a Muslim type of person). I have retained nearly nothing of this former belief system of mine, and I chock it up more to having to personally try to rationalize what I had personally grown up with. You don't want to believe that the world has failed you, or that the people in your life have let you down. There is a strange satisfaction in believing that you are 100% in control of your own destiny, that your life doesn't belong to anyone else but you – unaffected by society or anyone around you, and that if everyone behaved as free and openly selfish creatures than there might be something honorable to derive from that.

The truth about it was that I was actually dealing with a combinations of realizations about the world, and an enormous amount of emptiness and grief. It was easier and more favorable for me at the time to see the world as an eat or be eaten kind of world, where my value was only as good as the amount of my own dreams that I could make happen. It was easier for my to divorce myself from being a victim in any way. It also made it a lot easier for me to judge other people and condemn them when they did and said things I didn't agree with. It was a way to keep myself guarded from trying to love and understand others. And honestly, the only thing that I held dear that I kept an open mind about was that one time Zack and I hippie danced and he told me that everyone deserved to be loved. It undid the belief, but I couldn't seem to live on the day to day with that understanding. It's a tall order for anyone to buy into for one, and so much easier to live in a world where you can dismiss the pain of others as being self made.

So in history class, I sometimes, in a very arrogant manner, would question and harrass Mr. Bradley, about his Christianity. He was of the belief that the world was only 6000 years old. He went to church every Sunday and had always been very religious. It was obnoxious on my own part. I wasn't trying to learn anything new, as much as I was demonstrating that I was smarter than him, and could mentally overpower him. I tried to tell him that religion was invented for people like him to be ruled over. I at times accused him of being a puppet of those in power. I mocked him, and eventually made jokes that he was secretly cheating on his wife to date a man. It was incredibly rude of me. He took it well all things considered. I eventually pissed him off though, and he called me up to his desk one day and told me to knock it off. Which I definitely had coming. It would have been one thing had I paid attention in class and known to question what was being taught in that class. I could have used our lessons in history to question his logic on bigger things, in a respectful manner that would have given us both something to take home and think about in a bigger context. But attacking him because of his religion, however scientifically in the dark his beliefs were, was really messed up on my part.

I still was babysitting more than ever. I started seeing my position in a different way however. For the last several years, I had helplessly fallen into a sense of distress, self pity and resignation about what my parents forced upon me every weekend. But at fifteen I started seeing my position as a blessing in disguise. One of the realizations that came to me was that Allison and David were people. I hadn't really treated them like they were, but I was beginning to clearly see that now. Secondly, I felt excited that I might have the potential to mold them into cool people. I looked over my empty childhood, mostly siphoning through bad music, movies, styles, searching for something meaningful and falling short always – lucky when I found a small seed of something valuable in the garbage of the mainstream. I had no one to guide my thoughts or beliefs. My father and mother didn't think people had many layers and didn't acknowledge any of us as individuals outside of their understanding. They had no concern or curiosity for what any of us kids believed or what we felt about things personally, or how they impacted us. My father had some strong opinions and he would often tell us about it, but this was very much a one sided discussion. I started seeing myself as being responsible for improving Allison and David's life.

I also started seeing this as a power grab, mainly against my father. He had belittled me and pushed me down in any way he could and made me feel like nothing. There were elements to how he knocked me down that I would never recover from, but  I could start taking the power back in increments and he would not even know. His kids could slowly become decreasingly his children and more my own. All I really had to do was befriend them and gain their respect. Before this time, I had never been able to appreciate or differentiate the difference between fear and true respect. For my father, he saw no difference. For both of them really – mother and father, this rule held/holds true. They would do what they could get away with. They had no respect for anyone save themselves.

But what they did seem to respect was anything that put fear into them. And likewise, when either of them wanted to feel loved or validated, they would do something mean. They were criminal in this sense of the word. And it was strange, but even with all the influence they had over me, even underneath my own power trips, I had more class and benevolence towards the world. I saw the beauty in being kind when there was nothing to be gained. I could see the value in being patient and open – even when I was having difficulties getting by without my own personal closed off nature. Obviously, I still retained some of their opportunism, but I didn't generally see my friends and family as tools, even when I considered myself to be some kind of libertarian. It was strange, but there was something about that previous year that had really opened my eyes. I understood how to love people because that person was who they were and not because they offered me anything. I appreciated what pain had taught me and the finer details of what it meant to be a person. I accept that the world wasn't meant to be easy. And unlike them, I quite defiantly decided to live my life with a sense that I was going to try to be honorable.

I also saw the value of making friends out of both Allison and David so that I could have friends. I wanted to include them in my struggles, and perhaps this was a little selfish, but given they were growing up in the same homes that I was growing up in, it felt necessary to start seeing the three of us as being able to help one another out in some way. I wanted to reach them emotionally and make them understand me. I didn't want to admit it, but even with Sarah, there were things I just never felt understood for. She didn't seem to care about anything. She didn't get mad, or feel motivated. She loved dreaming about being a rock star, but what I wanted to see was anger and passion and I saw very little of that. Sarah had this void in her personality, and she often times would cave to whatever felt easiest. She was more interested in being comfortable than making her dreams come true, and she wasn't as readily ready to fight for a cause like I was. It bothered me, but at the same rate, she seemed to understand me in a way that people can't understand about themselves. Like, she seemed to perceive when I was going to feel hungry, or how I was feeling even when I myself didn't quite know. But in other ways, she simply didn't seem to understand. And that's what I felt Allison and David could be good for.

I started reading to them every night. I started to read A Child Called It one day to them after school. I remember reading it in one go. I knew the book, having read it a year previous, and the story was very painful and sad. Allison and David's faces were both streaked with tears by the end of the evening. Especially David, who was particularly sensitive. I warned them about never trusting authority or the government in any way. This did little to no good naturally, since I didn't know what the heck I was talking about and believed every website I came across that had some conspiracy theory to spread. A lot of it was lies. Some of it was downright detestable. I really just didn't know. In an attempt to 'see through the bullshit' I was myself just as naive as I had been before, and maybe even more so.

One thing that was most memorable was my starting a  home tape of something I called The Clown Show. Allison had this karaoke machine with a tape deck in it. It was the same one used to tape I'm A Big Man that summer. There were knobs that I could control my voice with. I distorted my voice to where I sounded like this clown voice. It wasn't quite male, nor was it quite female. It sounded like me and it didn't. I was able to create this weird echo, and I was this character, a clown, who ran this fucked up insane talk show that you could listen to on a weird broadcast that was hard to get on an AM station. I had this insane chanting audience, and I made these awful dissonant jokes that I would laugh at. I wanted it to be creepy and upsetting, but not like an overt and obvious killer clown in a cliché sense. It reminded me an awful lot of what Tim and Eric sometimes was if you watched Adult Swim late at night. Or more specifically, it reminds me an awful lot like the work of this really bizarre lo-fi musician that has been around since the 70's named R. Stevie Moore. I really could never explain that to anyone unless they listened to it, and it's incredibly unlikely that anyone would know unless they heard. There is a lot of random singing, random vintage commercials, psychotic sounds. Very strange tape music.

Allison and David were several characters. I had David make these weird impromptu car commercials, Allison would sell soap in a soft voice. Then I would have them be guests on the show. I would interview them for the audience, and they would come up with these insane answers that they perceived adults would say. David was Billy Idol, except he clearly wasn't. And Allison was Britney Spears. Then they would sing a song that Allison or David made up on the top of their head that they perceived a musician like Billy Idol or Britney Spears would sing. I made these tapes, and I would show them to people. Most of the time people said it made them feel really empty, disturbed and slightly nauseated. They were funny, and horrifying at the same time.

Zack and I were just starting to get close again. It had only been about six weeks or so since school had started. I had managed to drive him away, had to contend with his girlfriend for awhile, and then had to win him back. I seemed to be doing it. I came to this sense of calm about him. I just had to accept that I was still very much in love with him and always would be. I wasn't going to worry about the future, or worry about the attention I was being given. I was simply going to love him, for whatever that was worth. I had to forgive him. I had to forgive everyone. I was not going to give up my own sense of identity, but I wasn't going to try to hurt him to prove something petty to myself about who I was. I was going to expect nothing, and just be happy to have him around.

And then one day we were in health class. He sat next to me and scooted his desk up next to mine. Earlier that day he had come to me and explained that there was a school assembly last hour. He wanted to make sure that I was sitting right next to him. I was very happy. It felt like maybe things were going back to normal. So in health class, we were just waiting for the bell to ring and the intercom to sound so we could go to the gymnasium together. I remember people looking over at us strangely, perhaps judging us as the class freaks, trying to figure out if we were dating. I felt this soft sort of confidence inside.

Then the intercom came on and we all assembled to the gym. As Zack and I were walking together, Cody Smith – Ava's ex (It might be worth mentioning that the Smith household left him in Kendrick even though they had moved), came up to Zack and told him to come with him. Zack looked at me, and then looked at Cody. He smiled and told me to save a spot for him. I felt really rattled and confused. I went into the gym and saved a spot for him, but as everyone piled in, Zack didn't show up. I looked around. And then I spotted him, though just barely. He and Cody, were running out the back door by the boy's locker room, going out the secret way through the weight lifting room. Zack had been quickly convinced to skip the assembly. And he had forgotten all about me. And I had this really bad feeling that he was never coming back to school again.

Two weeks went by, and he didn't come to class. There was no word of him at all. Samantha knew nothing. Soup hadn't heard anything. I kept telling myself that he was just skipping for a few weeks like he had last time, but something about this felt a lot different. For one, he had been seen skipping the assembly, and if he returned they were waiting and ready to put him in several days of suspension. So why would he even want to come back? Secondly, he had just turned sixteen and he was legally able to leave school now. He never liked school. He liked playing music and smoking pot all day. So why would he want to be here?

I had troubles smiling. Noah was now talking to me all the time. He was friendly enough and I liked him. But he was incredibly engaged in trying to get my attention now. He wanted me to read his Invader Zim comic books, and I didn't really get into them. He wanted everyone to listen to Ween. I didn't like Ween that much. He wasn't pushy or anything. But he bothered me for some reason. And I mostly just missed Zack. I started comparing Zack to Noah, and finding that Noah annoyed me. I felt like Zack had been taken away from me and been replaced by this other person. I didn't want Noah. I wanted Zack. Eventually, one day at lunch break, as I was sitting in the parking lot, Zack and his father drove up unexpectedly in his father's red pickup. His dad didn't look too happy. But he was there to sign Zack out of school. Zack was quitting for good. He ran to us briefly, but his father didn't want to wait around. He was only able to explain what was happening, before he was called back to the truck and they drove away.

I was despondent and I felt empty. It was one thing when I had felt betrayed, or broken. But this was another thing altogether. I was somehow going to have to make it through life without him. Somehow, a big portion of my life had just floated away, and left this big empty space. I avoided everyone around me. I was short tempered with Sarah when she asked what was wrong. Noah came up to me at one point and offered me chewing gum and tried to be nice to me in a very Meyers-Briggs INTP kind of way. I took it resentfully. And yet, the world went on, and for the most part nobody paid too much attention. Nobody really seemed to understand what I was going through. And I had set it up that way. I hadn't been honest about how I felt. Which was of course what kept me safe, but also kept me trapped.

PART 41 - http://tinyurl.com/y84kmttv

PART 40 - http://tinyurl.com/y8aj6kmq

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PART 3 - http://tinyurl.com/mwp9atx

PART 2 - http://tinyurl.com/lbt6xq2

PART 1 - http://tinyurl.com/l8xbvg8

[bi-lullaby]

I already sent you the list of male characters, so here's a list of our amazing GA women to try to rank from your favorite to least favorite, no ties allowed! :) Meredith, Cristina, Bailey, Izzie, Callie, Lexie, April, Jo, Arizona, Maggie, Amelia, Teddy, Addison, Erica. Good luck, and as always, feel free to include your reasons why because I love your answers! I realized while typing this that overall I love the way GA writes its female characters a lot more than its male ones, btw

Oh honey, same! Here’s my list, whoch has some Solid Reasons but the main one is who makes me recreate this gif:

More enthusiastically, which is very personal, otherwise by level of awesomeness it’d be, like, a 10-way tie!

1 - Meredith. I feel in love with her in the first ep and that has only grow exponentially over the last 15 seasons. Is she perfect? As far for it as possible. She can be harsh and inconsiderate of other people’s feelings, she can be arrogant and agressive. I know that. But I also feel she’s the character who’s the most aware of her own flaws and who actively tries to overcome them. Her whole relationship with Derek was a six season long of her working over her issues until she felt ready to be more intimate and close to someone and marry him. I feel like everyone is a little too harsh on her (main character curse). Every other person on the show is allowed to have bad days, to lash out and mourn and be sefish whrn they’re going through a lot (i mean, Amy has a whole speech to Mer about how “she’s never lost the love of her life” and “she doesn’t know how that messes a person up, and yet I see so many people agreeing with that and hating Mer when she was the one in Amy’s position and also took some less than stellar, hurtful decisions) but Mer, who has quantitatively gone through the most (not a competition because I feel she, Jo and Amy are on equal footing, just by sheer number of bad things), is called whinny, bitchy, cold, uncaring, when she is anything but! She cares so freaking much she’s willingb to go to any distance! Donating her liver to her stranded father because of her loved little sister? Risking her job and career for someone she loves? Risking her life/career/license for patients? Welcomig people in her home with open arms? Operating through a miscarriage while her husband lies dying on the next OR? Being a great friend who defends, sticks by, forgives, comforts and protects who she loves from abusive exes, jail, judgment or tests? She has done all that and more. Also, she’s so empathetic/compassionate! She refused to bet on George’s failure on season one, she was the only one to try and shield that “tumor pregnancy” patient from judgment, she was the only one (not her best and oldest friend or hes husband, Mer) to get Jo to talk after she became depressed, she defended Cristina’s choice to Owen even if that was not what she’d personally do (she had tried so hard for a baby! She went out of her way to adopt Zola!) not just because she had empathy for the fetus that would grow to mimic her own situation, but for the woman who would mimic her mother’s (also, low-key one of the best speeches, damn)! She feels everyone’s pains and tries her best to help! She’s dorky and fun and smiles so often, no matter how bad her life has been! She pushes people to be their best (Alex, Cristina, Jo). She’s a great teacher! Also, one of the things that make me the softest is how she recognizes the flaws in her upbringing and tries her best to correct them and not continue that bad cycle with her own children! When she’s mad and needs to be alone, she tells Zola “you’re perfect, and mommy needs a minute”. When she’s dating, she puts her kid’s feelings first and foremost! When she’s away from them, she misses them like crazy! She talks about them with a brilliant, vivid smile! All of her relationships are fantastic (she’s such a people-person, as much as she tries to cover it up and doesn’t know how to truly express it) and some criminally underrated. She’s a kind, brilliant, loving, still flawed, beautiful woman who deserves the world and more, and I’m on Meredith Grey’s defense squad from now till forever!

2 - Arizona. As a bubbly blonde wlw who’s interested in being a pediatric surgeon, has authority+parental issues and an older sibling she loves, Arizona is one of those “I see myself in them” characters that just make me so happy! I felt both represented and inspired to try my best, to be at the top of my game but jot let go of my humanity and compassion and happiness. It’s weird because I didn’t quite like her in the first few eps she appeared, as she was rude and biphobic and kinda crass. Then she grew on me enormously. I think her relationships are all so criminally underrated, and that she should come back with Callie and Sophia and April in tow and make my day. I suffered when she suffered, and when she smiles, I feel lighter and happier, truly! She showcases some important messages! I have said this in a previous post, but I love that she... Came into the show and left pretty much the same. Her arc wasn’t as much about change as it was about finding herself again, glueing her pieces back together again. She entered a bubbly, hardcore, brilliant peds surgeon who had a very strong, clear set of values, was able-bodied, enamorated with Callie Torres and didn’t want to have children, out and proud and beautiful. She left a bubbly, hardcore peds+fetal surgeon, a mother, with a very strong, clear set of values, woman with a disability, enamorated with Callie Torres, out and proud and beautiful. Some things changed and she grew, like any healthy, normal human being, but seeing her get lost in such a dark place where so litte of the true Arizona showed through and then have her come back to who she truly was, stronger and wiser and more determined, really puts out a hopeful message that I adore.

3 - Amelia. Has she been inconsistent? Did they apparently slap the tumor storyline on her already suffering character just to make up for it? Yeah. But overall I completely adore Amy. She has been through so much, so repeatedly, and I’m amazed at how she’s still... Such a deeply good person. She smiles and laughs and cares and helps and works and saves and emphatisazes and worries and loves. She’s adorable with children and so loving with Mer’s. She’s kind to the point of almost being a pushover, but knows when to stand up for herself. I adore her and Mer’s relationsjip and wish it was a lot more developed! I love those two strong, tragedy-plaged women having each other as a support system! I love how soft she is with Maggie, how she’s so considerate of her! I love how she fughts to be in Leo’s life! I love how she worries about what’s best for everyone! And I hope she has a lot of good coming her way those next seasons. She deserves the world.

4 - Maggie. She’s such a breathe of fresh air! She’s bubbly and awkward and stuttering and idealistic and worry-prone! She is learning! She feel so real, so relatable! Can she be annoying? Sure! A lot of the times! I have been annoyed with her a lot! But there are so many characters who have that flaw and worse and are so loved, why is she so scorned? Being brilliant, young, still figuring things out, hard-worker, sensitive, those are not flaws or bad things. Maggie deserves a world of happiness and some kids of her own to smother with that gentle love of hers, and to have more developed relationship with everyone in that show. Also, the lady-chief trifecta gives me life! She’s a good balance to all thsoe tragedy-stricken, life-weary people at GSMH and I stand by that.

5 - Bailey is fantastic and badass and one part of a powercouple that owns my heart and a goddamn talented surgeon and an adorable mother and probably gives the best hugs and the actress is SO DAMN TALENTED like that eye acting? A MASTERPIECE. She’s also one of the hearts of the show and it’d not be the same without her. She reminds me a lot of Peggy Carter - golden hearted badassess who’ve been put through the ringer by people who ask her to measure up to her male (and, in bailey’s case, white) colleagues - and who not only does it but is usually better than then. Not gonna lie, when she got chief, I felt like it had been my own flesh and blood being promoted to her dream job! But I don’t feel like it did her too well (neither does the narrative, apparently, since they had her get a heartattack and a sabatical and relationship problems because of it). I know it wont happen but I wish she’d, like, take a nice trip, maybe write a book, vacay, breath, work on her mental health and come back feeling good and ready to take on the world! One of the scenes that makes her be so awesome to me is her talk with Cristina when they’re both pregnant: Bailey, cuddling her stomach and loving her unborn baby, telling Cristina (wary and tired and absolutely not wanting to be carrying a fetus) that no one can judge her for her choice and that she is able to make that choice! Talk about supporting women on different paths than you! What pushes her “ranking” a bit lower on my list than what it’d have been in the first seasons is that the fandom put her on such a pedestal that she cannot be or do no wrong, ever, and that quickly makes me sick of a character. Bailey commits insurance fraud (changing the hour on a surgery so it’d be covered) to help a patient? Have never seen anyone even comment on it. Mer/Alex do the same? Oh nooooo, go off on them, Bailey! Bailey’s such a hardass she’s nicknamed “the Nazi”? BADASS (and she was). Any other character is hard on their interns/residents? Monsters, bitches, poor things. It’s more an issue with the fandom, ofc, but well, that has made me hate characters I previously loved, so I’m really sad it happed to her (not that I hate her, I love her, I’ve just became annoyed with the character), and with characters that become “mouthpieces” to the narrative (wanna show the character is wrong? Have Bailey yell at them, even if Bailey might be on their side/not care/have done the same or similar/isn’t that close to them) and thus, loose a bit of their authenticity. Plus, there’s this one thing that’s core to her personality and makes me annoyed (probs irrationally): any doctor: screws up bailey: I RAISED YOU BETTER THAN THIS. Like, you... Didn’t? They were grown-ass adults when they came to know her, were her interns for... Under a year? (it felt like a long time to us but the first three seasons were a year and they had vacation and she went on maternity leave). And then went their merry ways with her being a resident and them too (not to count the ones that weren’t even her interns, like April and Jackson. Plus, have you considered that with all their screw-ups (and there have been maaaaany), she should either realize that she isn’t responsible for their actions and stop pulling that tired, over-used, untrue card, or that she might not have “raised” them so well, if she insists that’s what she did? I get the feeling and it’s sweet, just... not True and kinda overused.

6 - Lexie. Death I cried the hardest. She was such a baby, trying her goddamn best! So smart, so kind, so passionate! I also really identified wither her “dorky, clumsy younger sibling who most people would (wrongly) name “the smart one”, the overeating and the romanticism and the passionate arguing over facorite characters). She’s just not quite as far up on my list because A) It’s been so long and I’m not yet on my rewatch where she shows up, so I feel like I might be glorifying/glossing over her flaws, B) Her immaturity in the relationship with Mark is annoying, C) The fandom glosses over all her flaws and always, always, always places her as 100% the only, sole, victim, which turns me off a lot, D) She was kind of a Mary Sue. I mean, photographic memory that allows her borderline superpowers and being so sweet it was almost nauseating and never being wrong and being irresistible and and and...and E) SHE HAD THE AUDACITY TO DIE LIKE THAT AND BREAK MY GODDAMN HEART.

7 -Callie! My sweet angel Callie! She’s just... I don’t even have words! Her relationships are all funny and amazing and I loved her from when she first appeared, as much as she’s changed throughout the seasons! I love that she is selfless and brave and wild and fun and quitky. It breaks my heart to see her sad, and I’ll never forgive her mother for the treatment of her! She definetly deserves better. I am so sad she’s not on the show anymore, just hope that she’s happy with Ari and their kid (s? Now? Maybe? Wouldn’t that be great?).

8 - Cristina. He character is refreshing, because she is allowed. To continue not being a people person. To have moments and realizations and weakness without taking a 180° turn and going from a type A to B in a second with no explanation (like in every Holidays movie in which a successful business woman who’s dedicated herself to her career all her life moves to a small city and suddenly, after meeting one “soft”guy, is a farm girl at heart who wants to have ten children and a traditional wedding and quit her job to stay-at-home because reasons). To have an abortion. To continue not wanting children. To marry and divorce and still be a whole person. To have her years of sacrifice and hard work pay off with the biggest career glow-up. Sandra’s acting knocks it out of the park, too, there’s no contest. Also, for a “robot”, she has some of the most emotional, deep, telling scenes in the show! Taking care of Mer before the boards even if it might mean she’d get sick too? Her scene with George’s dad? Crying to Webber because she “lost her edge?” The “i’m free” scene? Talking about her father? Ugh, my heart! I placed her “low” (Still top ten female characters and top ten Grey’s characters tho) because, as amazing as she is, she also reminds me a lot of people that ruined my life or made it miserable. That sass and arrogance and and self-centered tendencies might be endearing in-character but irl, I’d suffer if I had to be around her. Also, because I’m too much a Mer stan (and I admit that this point is a total bias), I kinda still can’t let go of their fight in season 9 (when Mer had Bailey and Cristina felt left out and just... Was not nice about it). Humans make mistakes! She wasn’t 100% in the wrong! Mer said some crap too! But as I said, this is based on feelings more than fact and that one fight left me so uncomfortable and I felt Cristina crossed some really personally-important-to-me lines. Plus, there’s this glorification some things of her that just... Make me angry. This is coming from someone from a family with lots of doctors, who’s studying to be a doctor, who’s had all her teachers stop in class to beg us to ask for help and work on our mental health, whose choice in profession was the reason the university kick-started one of the country’s first mental health support system for students (that now includes all curses but was created for Med students): The profession is sick. Doctors are suicidal and overworked and unhealthy and tired and dropping dead like freaking flies, and that’s even worse in surgeons. My uncle (also a cardiologist, funnily enough) died at fifty from a heart attack because he worked himself to death. My aunt died from a manageable condition in a minor procedure because she let it go on to long before treating (working). My other aunt has lost many close doctor friends to heart problems. My cousin and another uncle are depressed. My sister almost developed a tachycardia from trying to stay awake using energetics during her residency. My class is all physically sick (I’m writting this from bed) because we’re so overwhelmed with a course that’s not only integral but demands so much, and we’re just students. A doctor in my city died with his son in a car crash that left his daughter severely injured and on the brink of death coming back from the beach in the middle of the night because he was going to be on-call!

(Had to split it in paragraphs bc tumblr) Two doctors under forty-five died from sudden heart failures from being over-worked this year! And that’s just in my city (which is not a big city! At all) ! And being like Cristina (obsessed, power-hungry, sleeping at the hospital, eating basically crap to save time, havingonly one really close friend to the point that when they fought, living at the hospital, feeling like surgery is the only thing that completed her) is a recipe to disaster. You know what the profession also is? Divided. From the society that some consider they are “a gift to” to other health professions that they put themselves on a pedestal away from and everyone else is inferior, and from themselves, students that sabotage each other or refuse to colaborate and thus create teams that don’t work together, doctors that don’t communicate, don’t appreciate each other’s specialties and knowledge and help. Cristina doesn’t meet all that criteria, but some really remind me of her. So it kills me when I hear people say she was the best doctor, because she reminds me of so much that’s just... Wrong, that I see everyday, and it frustrates me. That is incredibly personal, and applying too much of the optics of reality to the show, but it’s my truth, and no matter how iconic the character is, I can’t shake it off.

9 - Jo. Baby girl is so ready to take on the world! I said this in my “Meredith x People” post, but Jo reminds me a lot of Mer! Same fierceness, stubborness, same rough edges, talented, caring, protective. Love her and Camilla’s acting makes her one of the deepest, most fascinating characters, and her storylines tell so many important messages! I just... Don’t have a lot to say about her, now that I’ve come to think about it, I feel like she’s pretty self-explanatory. Loved her-centric eps!

10 - Erica. I didn’t understand then and don’t understand now why the fuck is there so much hatred for her! She stood up for her rights! She didn’t take Cristina’s crap like everyone else (Cristina has her quirks and was bound to meet someone with whom they clashed who wouldn’t stand for it! That happened to be Erica!) She was ethical! She was so sweet with Callie! She was a great doctor! She wanted the hospital to be great and was willing to work for it! I feel like the main factors in it are that back then we were told, through the narrative, that we should and we were all young so we accepted that, and because the actress isn’t one of those bombshell model-likr beauties. Had it been, like, Jessica playing her in a more recent season, I doubt she would be that hated! Anyhow, I miss her.

11 - Addison. She was so great! Maybe not my favorite, but she had great moments and was criminally underrated! Maybe one day her coming back won’t be a delusion and I’ll have more to say here. What I do have to say is that she can be another example of the “show’s mouthpiece”, at least in regards to Derek. Like, we have her come back to Seattle and promptly scream at Mer for “letting Derek go” like he was the best thing in the world (lmao) without even knowing what had happened when... In reality... She literally cheated because she felt neglected and forgotten in their marriage, had a talk to Mer where she learned Derek had hurt her too... It feels cheap and unauthentic and gets in the way of my immersion.

12 - April. I can feel the confusion at why she’s ranking so low, but... April never really spoke to me. She had good moments, she was sweet, a good doctor, had great relationships and went through bad things, but in none of those moments was I standing up on my seat like I was with others. She went through a journey like Arizona’s, to find herself after something terrible instead of to change who she was, but still she’s called “the biggest evolution” by some fans and I just... Don’t see that (maybe it’s because Sarah Drew got even prettier with time so it was a visual evolution). I like her well enough. Lets put it that way: I’d not be at all opposed if she came back into the show, but I’d be also disappointed it wasn’t some other character I love more. I widh he had gotten more of her, actually! I’d probably like her more! I wanted more developed relationships, like with Mer (we could have had it aaaaaaaalllll x3) or Owen (they were in a war zone together and we barely see the aftermath besides a couple scenes with her telling hima bt the baby and at her first wedding), maybe with Riggs and Alex and even more fleshing out of Japril instead of more drama! She’d feel more real and appealing. Plus her whole storyline with taking the position of head of surgery and switching sides after she’d been one of the main advocators for Webber, then refusing to acknowledge she might not have been the nicest for it, kinda threw me off a bit (not a lot, it just felt random? Like, didn’t feel like something she’d do, but I didn’t think I knew enough about her to say it wasn’t, for sure?).

13 - Izzie. Again, she never appealed to me personally. She had amazing moments, but they were just moments. Opening a multi-million dollar beneficiary clinic? Top shelf-good. But she also had bad moments and, more importantly, bad patterns. She judged and judged Mer’s inappropriate relationship, almost got to the point of talking about it around the hospital to get her in trouble, called her a slut basically to her face, and whined about George’s “too fast, not based on anything” relationship... But would not accept to be judged on her own, even more inappropriate (and illegal) and equally rushed relationship. She did not approve when someone made a decision that she would not have made. She berated Meredith’s and Cristina’s close friendship like she was entitled to the same treatment and like she also didn’t have a best friend. I was bored by her most of the times, angry others, and only rarely pleased/happy/empathetic with.

As you can see, I only dislike the very last place, and hate none, so go girls! Hope you liked this!