#i will have a breakdown. just so we’re all aware. okay rant over i just have a lot of pent up thoughts!

[the-delta-42]

Firsts Part 5: Meeting the Family

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Firsts Part 5

Meeting the Family

“You’re chewing your finger again.” Said Mariana, making Gabe look at her.

“We’re going to meet Clementine’s full family,” Interjected David, “he’s nervous.”

“But, you’ve already met them.” Said Mariana, as their car stopped.

“He’s met her parents,” Said Ava, “we’re meeting the grandparents and other extended relations.”

Gabe didn’t say anything, getting out of the car and knocking on the front door. It swung open, Gabe blinked as he looked up at Conrad, Rebecca’s dad.

“You’re early.” Said Conrad, as the others joined Gabe.

“I, er, I tried to call a head, but the line was busy.” Said Gabe, scratching the back of his neck, “Why are you holding a bucket?”

“Clem’s birth parents are…” Conrad glanced into the house, “being persistent. The phone’s been taken off the hook.”

Gabe saw Clem stalking around the garden, she looked like she was ranting to someone, before she ran her hands down her face.

Conrad stepped to the side, allowing them in. After giving Rebecca and Alvin a quick greeting, Gabe went out into the garden.

“-and they’re acting like it all a big misunder-fucking-standing!” Ranted Clementine, as Duck look up at her from his spot on the ground, “Hi, Gabe.”

“Hi.” Gabe looked back at the house, “Er, Conrad told us about your birth parents.”

“They’re trying to say they left me at home and not on a freeway.” Growled Clementine, as she started pacing again, “Do you want to know what they started with? The said they didn’t abandon me, I just opened the door and fell out while the car was still moving!”

Gabe and Duck shared a brief look, before looking at Clementine.

“It’s fucking ridiculous!” Snarled Clementine, as AJ wandered into the garden, “They then asked to speak with AJ.”

“What?” Gabe was confused, “How they hell would they know about him?”

“I don’t know, they just kept saying ‘put your brother on the phone, put your brother on the phone.’” Clementine snarled, before AJ patted her on the leg, “Yeah, Goofball?”

“Mom says food’s almost ready.” Said AJ, getting a nod from Clementine.

“Okay,” She looked at Duck, “Gabe and I have to go, see you tomorrow.”

Duck nodded and waved goodbye at them as they went inside. He then looked down at the hole his hand was stuck in, before he tried to yank it out.

F

“This,” Grunted Minnie, walking inro their new front room, “Should be the last box.”

Sophie nodded as Lilly tried to set the phone up, she could hear Abel and Tenn yattering on about insects or something.

“Vi and Louis are going to be over to help unpack,” Said Sophie, opening a box, “Apparently Louis and Ezekiel got into an argument over Carol and Sophia.”

“Half the things that boy does is argue.” Muttered Lilly, as her mobile went off. She looked at it and didn’t recognize the number, frowning she answered it, “Hello, Lilly Caul.”

Sophie and Minnie watched as Lilly’s face paled, before going an angry red, “How the fuck do you know about that? No, she’s not in my care. No, I don’t know where Clementine is. Who are you?”

The girls thought they saw a vein pop in their foster mother’s temple, “You’re her what? How did you get this-son of a bitch.” Lilly glared at the phone, before she took a deep breath and dialled a number, “Hi, er, Joan, was it? I’ve just had a call from Clementine’s parents. No, no, her birth parents, not her adoptive parents. Oh, I’m not the only one they’ve contacted? Right, I, er, I just thought you needed to be made aware.”

Lilly hung up and ran a hand down her face.

“Who’s Clementine?” Asked Minnie, getting Lilly’s attention.

“She was a girl a fostered around the time of my breakdown.” Answered Lilly, going back to working on the home phone, “She, er, had a pretty hard life.”

The twins glanced at each other, before going back to their previous tasks, “So, when are Louis and Violet arriving?”

F

Gabe found Conrad and Francine to be good company. They’d actually said they were concerned when they head Clementine had been returned to Alvin and Rebecca’s care, but they’d grown to love the girl.

Of course, Clementine had tipped her hat down to cover her embarrassment. They were making idle small talk when the phone rang.

There was a heavy silence, before Gabe got up and went to go answer it.

“Gabe, what are you doing?” Asked Clementine, as Gabe picked up the phone.

“Hola, crematorio de Jesús, tú los matas, nosotros los asamos.” Said Gabe, in the worst Mexican accent he could muster. He froze, “Oh, right, er,” he put his hand over the receiver, “it’s Joan asking for Clem’s parents.”

Alvin got up and took the phone from Gabe, as the boy dropped down next to Clementine with his face beet red.

“What did you say?” Asked Clementine, looking at him.

“‘Hello, Jesus's crematorium, you kill 'em we grill 'em.’” Translated Mariana, getting a wheeze from Clementine.

“It’s, er, what we use on cold callers and tía Abuela Rosa.” Muttered Gabe, as Clementine curled up laughing.

A moment later, Alvin stepped back into the room and looked at Clementine.

“And,” He said into the phone, “you’re saying she might not remember him?”

Clementine stopped laughing and looked up at Alvin.

“Right,” Said Alvin, nodding, “Thanks for making up aware.”

“Al, is everything alright?” Asked Rebecca, getting up.

Alvin frowned, “I’ve just been told that Clementine’s older brother has registered a complaint with Joan and the Police against his birthparents.”

“My what?”

“Your brother.” Answered Alvin, sitting down.

“He can’t be.” Protested Clementine, “Jay’s dead.”

F

Jesse glared at his phone, while Javi and Kate glanced at each other. When his birthparents had called, he was the one who picked up the phone.

“Jesse,” Said Kate, getting his attention, “do you want to talk about it?”

“No.” said the boy, going back to glaring at his phone.

“I know that them calling was a shock.” Said Kate, leaning forwards, “But, you don’t need to bottle it up.”

Jesse continued to glare at his phone, “The told me her name. They made it sound obvious.”

Kate sighed, “Well, there is some good news that came from this mess.”

“Really?” Spat Jesse, “What?”

“I know where she is and, if you want, I could arrange a meeting for you.” Offered Kate, as Jesse frowned.

F

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Asked Duck, as Clementine glared out a window.

“You mean aside from how she’s gonna be meeting her older brother, who she’s thought was dead for the past, what,” Becca looked around, “ten, eleven years?”

“I always thought they kept him,” Said Clementine, “Then, when I was in hospital, after that stranger killed Mom– , I mean my first adoptive parents, they said they couldn’t find any family members. A-and then I thought they did to him, what they did to me. Dropped him at the side of the road and let him become roadkill.”

Gabe moved from his spot by the door and wrapped an arm around Clementine, “You couldn’t’ve known.”

“I should’ve looked for him.”

“When?” Asked Becca, around a mouthful of food, “Between your rotating foster homes? Or your semi-frequent hospital visits?”

Clementine huffed, “What should I say?”

“The second thing that comes into your head.” Suggested Duck, peeking over Sarah’s shoulder and holding some fingers up for Gill.

“Got any sixes?”

“God-fucking-dammit.” Swore Sarah, tossing three sixes at Gill.

“Clem?” Came Rebecca’s voice from the other side of the door, “They’re here.”

Clementine swallowed and stepped out of Gabe’s embrace.

“Clem.” Gabe said to her, “We’re here if you need us.”

Clementine gave him a nervous smile and gave him a small nod. She followed Rebeca downstairs, she spotted Javí and Kate in the lounge. Swallowing, she walked into the room. Between Javí and Kate was a boy a year older than her. Like her, his hair was a frizzled mess of curls, and his eyes were a warm amber colour. The two silently examined each other.

“Clemmy?” Whispered Jesse, as tears gathered in his eyes.

“I,” Her voice broke, “I thought you were dead.”

“Same.” Jesse gave a laugh.

The next thing either of them knew, they were on the floor, hugging each other and crying.

The older couples decided to give the reunited siblings some privacy.

F

“Alright,” Called Mr. Oberson, “ALRIGHT!” The hall went quiet, “Thank you, as some of you may now know, we have merged with another school. They will start attending here at the start of next week, and I expect all of you to give them a warm welcome.”

[donnieluvsthings]

the amount of physical restraint it took for me to not read condi’s tweet with ep81 spoilers in it…….unreal

[tundrainafrica]

Hi, i saw some time ago you compared Royai to Levihan, would you mind elaborating more on their similarities? I ship both and looking at they compared blow my mind

YES. Beautiful ask anon! As always, sorry for only getting into this now, my inbox is still a mess I am currently trying to make sense of. But legit, I could talk about this for hours. Cause I’m that fucking simp who just randomly goes on Youtube and watches the Riza breakdown vs. Lust  scene just to see some GREATTT acting and some great crumbs. 

So anyway, will be moving on now to this really long and--mind you--uncurated rant. 

Disclaimer though: Although I have watched all the fullmetal stuff, from the first anime, to brotherhood to the manga and have lurked in the fanfiction sites long before (like fam, this anime is literally my childhood it’s such a big part of my life that when I hear ‘mustang’ I think of roy mustang not the car), but at this point, the main story line for me is a blur and I probably just remember only the Roy scenes and the Royai scenes well. 

I was not a big fan of Edwin for multiple reasons. 

Warning: Spoilers abound for FMA so read at your own risk. And for people who watch FMA but not AOT, spoilers abound for AOT is well.

So there are a lot of similarities between Levihan and Royai and I think this is the reason why Levihan definitely appealed to me a lot as a couple. Royai after all was my OG ‘I think I wanna be in this type of relationship’ type of couple. 

Military Setting

I’ve always found these types of relationships interesting cause I like to think, you’re in such a high stakes and very stringent atmosphere where you could die at any moment and you’re constantly doing such morally grey things. And with that, people have the tendency to either close in on themselves and just keep to themselves or just go crazy over time. Yet you have people who find the time to form CLOSE and almost ROMANTIC bonds with your fellow soldiers

And I just like the process of exploring how this happens. And you know what makes it juicier? 

    2. The commander to the subordinate dynamic (with a twist)

The boss to the follower dynamic because Royai and Levihan are both incredibly healthy and stable relationships but they both come from something taboo right? A commander to subordinate relationship? So we ask ourselves? How did they both make it work? 

Well, what I notice is despite the implied respect Riza and Levi both hold for Roy and Hange respectively, due to their positions in the military, do you notice Hange and Roy still have respect over Levi and Riza’s opinions. I cannot remember all the scenes in both shows but remember that scene where Riza would just stop Roy half way into fighting when it’s raining because sometimes he does forget that he can’t do his fire thing when it’s raining? It shows obviously that Riza could undermine his decisions if she finds them completely idiotic or out of the blue. Or that scene where Roy was curbstomping Envy when he found out Envy killed Hughes? 

So, the thing is Levi and Hange worked like this too. Even before Hange became commander, I think there was an already implied hierarchical difference between being ‘squad leader’ and being ‘team captain.’ Squad leader’s are generally in a higher position and command a much larger group and do you see how Levi approaches Hange? Like when telling her off about risking her life when trying to capture the titan? 

And even when she was commander, that telepathy scene?? Can we appreciate, that when Hange became commander (compared to when Erwin was commander), Levi took the reins of a lot of the leading in the survey corps, as if he understood his job wasn’t just to follow Hange but to take care of her? 

Like I’m sure Riza saw her job more as a caretaker to Roy more than his subordinate and seeing this in Levihan was just fantastic.

And another thing I love about both of them...

  3. They were just the two competent level headed people

This is such a trope for me. I cannot handle couples where someone is just not competent or is so obviously underpowered compared to the other. Like I want them to be able to handle themselves without the other. And even when they’re alone they’re doing shit and you just find out later, by the way I have this bf/gf/partner who is equally competent. But when we’re together we just share one brain cell because we can practically melt when we’re safe with the other. 

And the thing is since they’re in a military setting we don’t see them ‘practically melt,’ we can usually just pick out the crumbs (ehem 126), and the fact that these crumbs are such rare gems, makes it all the jucier. 

And here’s the thing, in animes and in stories, this ‘competent people’ couple is usually supporting cast cause I dunno? Nobody wants to hear about the competent couple who just figured out they like each other and they just like hanging out with each other for some reason? 

And most adventure stories are underdog stories where we watch people start of as dead weight and get stronger which is not boring per se but I dunno, these couples usually dont’ appeal to me fsr because I’m all for the power couple dynamic and the protagonists always have something going on making them doubt their strength so yeah.  And there’s usually this token love interest who’s not as strong and tries not to be useless but is kinda dead weight.

4. Their special abilities? 

Levi and Hange are a power couple the way Roy and Riza are. When these two couples were introduced into their respective stories, they were all well established as bad asses. We have humanity’s strongest, humanity’s smartest then in FMA we have the flame alchemist one of the strongest alchemists and we have Riza who’s crazy good with a gun. 

5. They were never that in your face couple

As said above, I really love competent people ships but nobody really likes reading about people being competent and having their level headed shit together so these characters end up with more of supporting character energy who have their ‘big damn heroes’ moments where they swoop in and save the protagonist. 

And the thing is, since they’re supporting characters, there’s so much more room to move when contemplating such couples because the crumbs are there? But at the same time they’re not there? And since I like exploring my own headcanons about those ‘boring’ yet incredibly stable and mature relationships, these tend to be my favorite characters to shoehorn into my spotify playlists.

Edwin and Eremika respectively have more ‘in your face’ crumbs and I dunno, their crumbs for me always seemed to be too obviously there where I was like ‘okay cute relationship’ but  ‘I wouldn’t wanna be in a relationship like that’  kinda way. 

And since main protagonist romantic subplots crumbs are already ‘in my face’ I end up thinking to myself, what’s there to headcanon?

And like they go through so much more problems romance wise since obviously they are the protagonist. But I guess for me, I never liked those couples who were so obviously together and go through problems that bystanders are aware of. Because I dunno, people might not agree with me but it doesn’t sit well with me when EVERYBODY knows about the problems between two certain people in a relationship. 

I always liked those couples who just start off as two people hanging out together and then like five years you find out, they live together and have five cats and it turns out they’ve been married for two of those three years. 

And power couples just make it work? Because the stories tend to focus on them being competent people more than being in love so when the coupling actually happens it’s like: 

“Wow you live together and have five cats, you worked so hard for it, I’m so happy for you.” 

Instead of you know, watching people go through like 3456 instances of miscommunication drama just to end up in a still seemingly doubtful relationship.

6. Iconic scenes for Levihan and Royai? 

And here’s the beautiful thing about the crumbs of both of these ships, they are incredibly apparent when the stakes are high and this is *chef’s kiss.* This is literally the climax, the peak to such subtle crumbs. Like okay, fine it’s satisfying to see the main protagonist and their main love interest doing shit and loving each other when the stakes are high like in Season 2 of AOT with Mikasa thinking she’s gonna die so she confesses to Eren or maybe that Naruto and HInata scene in the Pain Arc where Hinata just pops in and saves Naruto and kinda dies in the process

But can we all agree that there is something very very very satisfying about seeing two people who are probably not or are probably dating just going crazy for each other when the stakes are high? Like yo, come on. 

My favorite scenes for Royai: The Lust fight scene, the Envy fight scene and lastly, the scene where Roy opens the gates to save Riza and goes blind. Can we just appreciate the fact that Roy risked his Colonel dreams to save Riza by going blind??

And for Levihan? I’m sure Levihans are tired of hearing the chapter numbers but 115? That’s fucking iconic, Hange ltierally jumped into the river with Levi and please tell me that is not a parallel to Roy opening the gates for an already half dead Riza. Mind you, Hange did not even know if Levi would make it or not and she probably didn’t know if she would make it or not either. Any of the soldiers could have literally just shot into the river and nicked them with bullets.  She just literally abandoned everything and wooshed to the river. 

And I had this convo with a few other people and we were thinking about what if it was anyone else who found Levi. And we came to the conclusion that IT HAD TO BE HANGE. Because somehow, I feel like Hange would have been one of the only few, if not the only one who would have gathered up the courage to jump into the river and risk their own life to save Levi. 

And for the next part... Disclaimer: This is just my opinion, please let’s not start a ship war.

Like with the war on twitter “Levihan vs. Eruri,” I started to reflect as well on whether or not Erwin would have saved Levi if he was there instead of Hange but I think it is less likely that Erwin would have saved Levi. Erwin probably wouldn’t have agreed with the rumbling definitely but I cannot help but think, Erwin approached his commander position like a chess master and with this, approached Levi as a superior while Hange approached Levi as an equal and a best friend. 

So if, saving Erwin was just going to mess with plans let’s say to manipulate the Yaegerists for some greater purpose, would Erwin have just let Levi die? 

7. The magic is no one fits Roy or Riza perfectly.

I had these same thoughts with Shikatema vs. Levihan and now Royai vs. Levihan. So comparing their dynamics, I just have to say, that none of them fit each other perfectly. Hange has Riza and Roy crumbs and Levi has Riza and Roy crumbs too. 

Like Roy is some ridiculously strong (Levi) superior (Commander Hange) with a seemingly goofy personality (Hange). Riza is the subordinate (Levi) who’s equally reliable but not as overpowered (Hange) with a very strict but very obviously emotionally constipated personality (Levi) 

Like if you put Levihan in some of the token Royai moments. Like the Lust fight? I think Levi would have done something similar to Riza. Okay, he wouldn’t have broken down right then but he would have done something similar to what Roy did when he found out Envy killed Hughes. 

I’m convinced Hange would have had a breakdown which is more of an in between between what Roy (Envy fight) and Riza (Lust fight) had in their respective fights. I mean 115 is proof enough that Hange ain’t playing when her bebeluvs is in danger. 

8. And towards the end of the series?

Okay this is where the comparisons just kinda diverge because this part makes me sad. In the end game, Royai worked together. Riza became the eyes of Roy when he was making shit explode in the final battle coz he was blind. 

And Hange and Levi were completing each other towards the of the AOT end right? Not just with the jian bird references with having parallel injuries. In the final battle though when Levi was out of commission due to the explosion, Hange was the one fighting with the crew until 132. And the moment she died, Levi stepped up and fought right? 

Like they had something similar going on, where these two were covering for each other and taking care of the kids. It’s just that compared to Royai who were explicitly working together, we have Hange covering for Levi right after he got injured and Levi stepping up to cover for Hange after she died. 

AND I can’t help but think, literally post time skip just could not handle Levihan working together huh? Is that how competent Levi and Hange are as soldiers that Yams couldn’t let them work together just one last time? Like he knew it would mess with the story if he lets Levi and Hange lead at full power?

Which brings me to last point, and the point that makes me saddest.

9. About them being endgame? 

Okay, so it wasn’t confirmed that Roy and Riza ended up together because Roy still had his fuhrer goals but AT LEAST THEY HAD A CHANCE? Like their last scene in the show was still them together? And Riza still at least got to follow him? 

Levihan… They just… shit just happened and we all know what happened and now I’m reading fanfiction and crying over fcitoonal characters to pass the quarantine.

Anyway, if you reached this point, thank you for reading. And thank you for the question anon!

[xxdeathspellsxx]

I’m so sorry I’m going to sound so ignorant rn but I’m so confused- so is the star they used on the shirt bad? What’s the best way I can go around researching this history of the appropriation of the star, it’s antisemitism, and why people are angry about it? Also, were you saying the return video in the forest was a antisemetic too...? There are so many things in everyday life I’m finding are antisemetic and I just,,, didn’t know, it’s crazy how much history has been erased and twisted.

it’s ok! it’s a lot going on and a lot of language getting thrown here and there so i’ll break it down as best as i can. i’m going to create a pagebreak bc this is going to be a lot of text.

to be specific here, the star we are referencing is the six-pointed star. also to note, when i say “occult”, i mean the quotations as such because the Hot Topic website used that specific word to describe it.

so the star they used on the shirt is historically a jewish symbol, or the magen david. this website here is an explanation of the symbol, its historic use, and the meaning of it. the breakdown of it is basically that it has been used both within jewish history and in non-jewish history. it wasn’t officially recognized as an aspect of distinct judaism until relatively recently (as in, the past couple centuries recently), but it has grown to be associated specifically with our culture over time. with that said, it’s been more readily appropriated by groups associated with western/specifically european occultism, which is directly rooted in antisemitic beliefs. i do want to state that this antisemitism has been reworked into other coded language, and while the “evil” things present in such culture no longer state that they are jews, they still hold jewish stereotypes and harmful tropes.

more modern connections between these modern-european “occult imageries” tend to feature said six-pointed star. as mentioned, it’s now commonly associated with judaism, and given modern-european occultism is mostly tied to teachings of the antisemite Aleister Crowley (don’t get me started on how much this guy was a douche--my HS senior paper was 10 pages of fuck-this-guy), it’s not hard to tie the use of the six-pointed star to antisemitic beliefs. however, i do want to state that not everyone who uses this symbol is aware of this. i like to believe that most people (including whoever made this shirt) wasn’t aware of the connotations, and used the symbol as they’ve seen it on repopularized “occult imagery”.

so. after that word vomit. lets unpack the use on the shirt.

the star on the shirt is not bad inherently. the way its used is improper, but the star itself is not bad. my people adorn ourselves with it. i have one on a chain on my neck at all times that i never take off. we often use it as our physical signifier--you often see it on synagogues and often our religious wear, like kippahs.

however, when used outside of a jewish context in, for example, “occult” clothes, it does not carry pro-jewish connotations. i would not label it as directly acting upon antisemitism, as most people who use it are not using it for antisemitic purposes. however, it has an antisemitic history out of jewish contexts in recent years, therefore making it harmful.

when i typically see it being used, i tend to see it as a miseducation, and that people don’t understand it’s harmful. i hate to say it this way, but antisemitism is ingrained within countless cultures throughout the world. ashkenazic (the european jewish ethnicity) antisemitism is ingrained in european history and culture, and therefore is so common that it’s forgotten.

for further research, i recommend using jewish sources and researching the meaning of the symbol, and research crowley and his rebrandings.

SO TL;DR for that section: the symbol itself is not bad! it’s an identifier for most jewish people today, and we often wear it ourselves (i do so myself!). however, it being used out of context currently, specifically in correlation with european “occultism”, is interpreted as antisemitic in nature. with that said, i believe it’s best to give people who use it the benefit of the doubt, and gently educate them.

OKAY SO ON TO THE SUMMONING

this is a reference to the iron cross shown in the video. basically it’s a symbol that was used over the history of christianity (and catholicism? i think?), however it was appropriated by the nazis.

i dont think the summoning video was antisemitic. i dont think they were using the symbol as a nazi symbol.

do i think they should’ve chosen something else given the nazis used it? yes. but i dont think they were using it with nazi-intentions. i just think they didn’t really do their research (a common theme, apparently). but many people (mostly non-jews, again) leapt to call it antisemitic because it had been used by nazis. i think this was also overstepping jewish voices but that’s my stance on that.

to wrap this up... yeah. antisemitism is older than christianity. it’s sort of what we build our holidays off of (i say this as a dark-but-real joke, but a lot of jewish holidays are about suffering). it’s generation upon generation upon generation of systematic harm, relocation, slavery, genocide, etc. we were blamed for the plague, we were blamed for crops dying and financial collapses. and currently, we’re being blamed for literally all the world’s problems (again). most conspiracy theories center around “it was the jews”, both from the old days and today. in the US, still, we are astronomically more likely to be hate crimed than any other religion. i have been told to my face before by someone that they want to kill jews, and was told that watching old holocaust videos were cathartic. this was in an extremely liberal college setting.

i don’t want to say these things to make it sound scary, because if there’s anything jewish people are, it’s resilient. but i say these things because i think it’s important to see that and recognize how deeply antisemitism is ingrained into the world and into cultures. it’s shocking when you realize how deep it goes. the best thing you can do is amplify jewish voices, listen to jewish people, and be an ally to us.

thanks for reading my rant <3 let me know if there’s anything else i can clarify.

[siriuslyshewrote]

Death , Amongst Other Things

This isn’t the end of this little series - I just thought this request fit really well.

Request -

You weren’t even supposed to be at the party in the first place. After the rather unfortunate, completely accidental, events of the past few weeks, Tommy had placed both you and Finn (and, in extension, Isaiah), under a strict ban from any of the family meetings or events - including the dance he and Grace were hosting, supposedly for some charity or other, but, knowing Tommy, there would be some business involved. There always was. 

“You are aware that Tommy is going to recognise us the minute we step in there, right?” Isaiah questioned, from his position beside Finn and you, crouched next to the servants staircase, trying not to let your good clothes get coated in the dirt that coated the stairs.

“Really? Recognise his younger siblings? Never.” Finn shot back, sarcastically, as you snorted. 

“You know what I mean.” Isaiah elbowed him back, good-naturedly - always up for some chaos, with who he had affectionately named his ‘favourite twins’. Though, that sentiment didn’t mean a lot, considering you were sure you were the only twins he knew. 

“Don’t worry, Isa, I have a plan.” You shot him a grin, trying not to blush slightly, as his dimples showed in the dim-light. 

“Yes, because your plans are known for working.” Finn replied, pulling uncomfortably at his tie.

“Better than yours Finny. I’m still waiting for you to find my other high heel.” You ruffled his hair, irritatingly.

“The plan, Y/N?” Isaiah butted in, before the two of you could get into one of your sarcastic arguments. 

You paused, as one of the servants hurried past, almost falling down the last step. 

“Well, it's less of a plan, and more of a guess. Once we’re in, Tom won't kick us out and make a scene.” 

They both shrugged. 

“Makes sense.”

---------------------------------------------

Surprisingly, sneaking up the servants staircase (and Finn falling back down it halfway up after he tripped over his feet) would be the easiest part of the night, though you didn’t know that yet. The three of you slipped into the party, trying to blend in quickly, grabbing champagne off one of the serving trays, Finn trying to cover the fact that he had most definitely twisted his ankle during his fall, and trying to brush dirt off his suit.  

“This really isn’t as fun as I thought it was going to be.” Finn groaned, as you sat in the corner of the ballroom, smoking the fancy French cigarettes you’d stolen from Polly. 

“Sometimes, Finn, I think you intentionally jinx things.” You replied with a sigh, as you caught Tommy’s eye from over the dance floor. 

You began to give him a half-hearted wave, before he made a gesture that very much said get over here right now.

“I think that was directed to you, Finn.” 

“Nah. I didn’t get the death stare. Definitely you.” 

You sighed, getting up, stubbing out your cigarette in the overly extravagant ash tray, before walking towards your older brother. 

“Have fun!” Finn laughed cackled behind you. 

You almost, almost gave him the middle finger, before remembering that Tommy would probably have a mental breakdown there and then if you pushed him anymore at this point. The thought of how much hassle you’d caused your eldest brothers recently made you feel a little guilty, as you saw the strain in Tommy’s eyes. 

“Hey, Tom. Hey, Grace.” You smiled at both of them. Grace’s eyes hardened, just slightly - you knew, she of all people, didn’t appreciate the mayhem you and Finn caused one bit, and she’d had no problem telling you, Tommy, Polly, and every other member of the family, that before.

“Tell me, Y/N, did you forget every word I said today? Or the day before? Or the day before that?” Tommy’s voice was level and quiet, though you could tell he was furious. It was only now that you were regretting your decisions of the evening. 

“No, Tom.” You sighed. “It was just a bit of fun.”

“When are you going to grow up?”

His rant was cut short by a mans voice, rising above the rest of the chatter from the crowd. 

“For Angel!” 

You saw the gun, the silver glimmering in the chandelier light, in a shaking hand. 

You heard the shot before you even had chance to react, the sarcastic grin still plastered onto your face. Felt the impact, fell to the ground like a rock plunging into the bottom of a pool, elbows hitting the marble, an attempt to catch yourself. 

You didn’t understand, not really, not at first, though there was a tiny voice screaming it at you in your mind. You saw Tommy’s face in your vision, Grace’s too, and for one of the first times, the woman was showing you affection, her gloved hand gripping one of yours, her eyes large and frantic. Your hands reached down to your abdomen, grazing over the place that felt like it was on fire, before your hand was moved away. There was blood all over your fingers.

 You saw Tommy take off his jacket, the one that had probably cost him more than the tiny house in Small Heath you had all lived in as children, press it to your stomach, and it was only then that you truly realised what was happening, when you saw the crimson bloodied hands of your brother. 

It was then, too, that you knew it was far too late for the ambulance that everyone was screaming for. 

“Finn?” Your eyes darted around, head now in Ada’s lap. “Finn?”

Maybe you really could hear other people yelling his name, or maybe that was all in your head. All you knew was that you wanted your twin brother, and that you couldn’t understand why he wasn’t there. 

“I’m here.” His voice sounded from beside you, cracked and terrified. He sounded worse than he had when he had broke his wrist that time, or when Ada had to rescue him from drowning in the Cut, or even when he had been told your mother was dead. “I’m here, squirrel.” 

“I’m scared.” You whispered to him, the black dots beginning to dance at the edge of your vision. His hand, as he reached to brush the hair away from your face, was smeared in blood that was neither yours nor his. 

“I know, but there’s an ambulance coming, you’ll be... you’ll be okay, right.” His sentence ended almost as a question, as if he wasn’t so sure himself. 

“I don’t think so, Finn.” Your vision began to blur, darkness creeping in the sides. 

“No, you have to be, okay?” He pleaded, tears dripping down the freckles on his cheeks. 

“Finn-”

“I don’t know how to exist in a world without you, okay?” His tears began to drip, one of them landing on your cheek - mixing with your own. 

“I’m sorry.” 

You blinked up at him, his lips pressed together to contain his sobs. His face swam in your blurry vision, then disappeared.

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[themeghaproject]

One Year of Med School Completed!!

MY FIRST YEAR OF MED SCHOOL IS DONE. INSANITY!! I passed all my exams and in August I’ll officially be an M2. It’s a little surreal I just did a whole year of med school sucessfully. I still feel like I know nothing but there is some level of uneasiness that has disappeared. 

Mid October, I didn’t sleep the night before my week in the hospital began because I was so unbelievably nervous. I had no idea where anything was, I barely knew my classmates, and my medical knowledge could be summed up in three sentences. Flash forward to April, my friends and I decide to stop by the hospital after a meeting at school to check out a bake sale. We’re pleasantly chatting and laughing as we make our way to the hospital cafeteria. No hesitation about if we’re going in the right direction or if security is going to stop us..this is such a small instance of comfort and if I was walking into the hospital to do anything legitimate I’d still freak out, but hey, I’ll still count this as a win!  

I wish I had some advice to give about the first year but I don’t. I think my experience was so different given the pandemic. I will say that while the vast knowledge that is demanded of you is incredibly difficult one of the harder aspects for me was the loneliness. For the first time in my life, I found myself standing in unfamiliar territory that no one close to me understood. My life looked so different from my friends and family. In the past year, there have been so many instances where I would go to dinner with my childhood friends and I would simply stay silent and smile as they told me about all the wild adventures they go on as “normal” 21 year olds. I’d be lying if I said that didn’t leave me feeling insecure. 

 I decided to seek out help. I started seeing a therapist in January, and it’s been great! It’s nice to have a neutral third party to rant to, and even though I like to think I’m pretty self aware, she brings a fresh new perspective. She has made me realize things about myself that I was pretty oblivious to before. That being said, I sometimes find all the psychoanalysis annoying. I already spend so much time overthinking my every move. I think I’m learning my journey with therapy may be a bit disjointed and infrequent.

While there have been difficulties and breakdowns, there have also been successes and wins! I like to think I’ve made a few friends. They’re all great and I genuinely love spending time with them! I am excited to make more connections as we move to a more in-person format in August. Whether it feels like it or not, my medical knowledge has increased. 

Medical school was nothing like what I anticipated. I think when I first started this blog I expected to fill it with cute, rom-com type funny stories..ya there haven’t been very many of those LOL. Medical school isn’t the fantasy musical I had created in my head. I blame myself for that but it was also EVERYONE around me who perpetuated that. For years, people in my life told me that I just needed to put my head down and work hard because when I went to med school “everything would fall into place”. I think something a lot of medical students learn fairly early on is that in this long journey there’s never a time where it gets easier. Fun doesn’t disappear. Not at all. You just have to make time for the fun and the “easy”. There won’t come a time where you can be like “okay! it’s over!” because the path to becoming a physician is relentless. 

I’m honestly a little shocked at how I carried myself this year. This is the most academic stress I’ve ever endured yet I wasn’t as “crazy” as I have been in the past. Maybe it’s maturity and maybe it’s exhaustion. Caring is important. I still find myself occasionally answering emails in the shower lmao..but am I checking my grades while I’m out with friends or while I’m driving? No.

With one year down, I’m trying to figure out if I’m happy with where I am, with how I did. I’m not at the top of my class, school doesn’t consume my every thought, and I’m not in 10 research projects. I’ll be honest: those facts stress me out a little but I’m also strangely okay with it. I want to be the best doctor I can be but I don’t think I want that to be my whole life--a revelation 17 year old me would have a stroke hearing. My final verdict is that I’m proud of myself for making it here and after this break I’m ready to get back to it and do even better! Happy Summer! 

[snkpolls]

SnK Episode 67 Poll Results (for Manga Readers)

The poll closed with 254 responses. Thank you to everyone who participated!

Please note that these are the results for the Manga Readers’ poll. If you wish to see the results for the Anime Only Watchers’ poll, click here.

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RATE THE EPISODE 246 Responses

The response to this week’s episode remains overwhelmingly positive, with 97.6% of responses giving it a score of 3 or higher. 

This is the first episode where I have absolutely no criticisms, so im quite happy with how it turned out.

Voice acting was top tier

perfect

Emotional 

Great Job! I'm glad my favorite character's death was so emotionally misered.

Forget Attack on Titans, this episode was Attack on my Feelings ! 😭

I want to rate it a 1 because of Sasha but a 5 because of how well it was done... so 1.5

Absolutely loved it

Perfect

ASIDE FROM SASHA’S DEATH, WHICH MOMENT WAS THE MOST EMOTIONAL FOR YOU? 247 Responses

Connie’s heartfelt admission to Jean seems to have stolen the hearts of the plurality of responders (36%). That is followed by a tie of 18.2% responses noting Eren’s breakdown or EMA’S tense reunion as the most emotional moment for them. In third place is Gabi’s tragic declaration about her struggles with 11.3%. Other responses were, in order, Jean lamenting all of the deaths occurring, Gabi and Falco realizing that Zeke betrayed them, Hange scolding Eren for forcing the SC to intervene in Marley and Levi and Eren’s confrontation.

Connie telling Sasha and Jean that they're special to him made my heart hurt knowing what was going to happen mere minutes after. I honestly saw me and my two best friends through them, and it was gut wrenching seeing Connie and Jean's reactions. Even Mikasa's reaction broke me, to be honest. They all lost a huge light in their lives.

WHICH MOMENT SURPRISED YOU THE MOST? 222 Responses

So this question was meant to only go on the anime watchers poll and ended up here somehow. Thanks to the 222 who were good sports and responded anyway! :P The most shocking moments that took place in this chapter/episode was the revelation that Eren went rogue from the Survey Corps, that Zeke was collaborating with the Survey Corps, how the Survey Corps treated Eren, and that some Paradisians seemed to be turning to nationalism, in that order. 

Not sure why we're being asked as manga readers which moment shocked us the most since we already knew everything that was going to happen this week

HOW MUCH DID SASHA’S DEATH HURT YOU? 249 Responses

When it came to Sasha’s death, it would appear that it broke the hearts of the overwhelming majority of responders, with 81.1% giving it a rating of either 4 or 5 on the tragic scale. 

Broke my heart and I'm still crying over it three days later. Honestly though, it was greatly done. 

3 years later it hit me, Sasha is dead ;_;

Cried my whole soul and body. Rip sweet Sasha

I thought Sasha's death would've been more emotional.

WHOSE REACTION TO SASHA’S DEATH AFFECTED YOU THE MOST? 250 Responses

Sasha’s death elicited various reactions from the main cast. Two different responses tied at 36.4% noting Connie and Mikasa’s reactions to Sasha's death as the one affecting them the most. This was followed by Eren’s at 13.2%. The rest were, in order, Armin, Jean, Levi and Hange. 

I don’t cry at fiction much, but Sasha’s death got me more than I thought it would. I feel like seeing Armin and Mikasa’s reactions in particular is what got me.

The way they animated Armin and Mikasa bawling over Sasha's body and the inclusion of Call Your Name made it all the more emotional. I think by "Assassin's Bullet" they also meant a bullet through my heart because man did that hurt to watch. 😭🤧

WOULD YOU PISS YOUR PANTS IF LEVI WAS GLARING AT YOU WITH MURDEROUS INTENT? 248 Responses

A bit of a joke question, but we wanted to know if Levi appeared as threatening as he seemed. 80.2% seems to think so, admitting their incentive to piss their pants. In contrast, 19.8% don’t think the Captain’s such a scary guy!

THE FULL VERSION OF “ASHES ON THE FIRE” BY KOHTA YAMAMOTO (THE PREVIEW SONG) IS NOW OUT. IF YOU’VE LISTENED TO IT, WHAT DO YOU THINK? 236 Responses

“Ashes on the Fire” has been released to rave reviews, with 88.1% of responses giving it a 4 or a 5. Nobody gave it a 1, either. Yamamoto-san, thank you!

OVERALL, HOW WELL DO YOU THINK MAPPA ADAPTED THE MARLEY ARC? 251 Responses

In spite of the relatively vocal complaints about the adaptation of certain elements of the Marley Arc, it would appear that the overwhelming majority of responders seemed pleased with it, with 51.4% giving it 5 and 37.1% giving it a 4. 1s not present. 

I've been a bit bothered how Mappa follows the Manga like a slave, using the panels as scenes and not adding anything in between. Sure it works for Manga, but it feels weird to me to watch in Anime how Eren grabs Armins hand and they don't give a transition where Armin pulls him in, but just show him inside the airship next. Just little things, but bothers me a bit. Overall I'm really enjoying their choices.

The show looks BETTER

I was fine with the episode. The quality of animation dropped but I understand that every scene cannot be animated on highest level. MAPPA has done a great job with the Marley arc. They shown the character development and bonds between the warriors perfectly. We had some cuts here and there but overally was okay: 8/10 for me. 

I’m so pleased that MAPPA has taken the anime. I’m still more of a fan of this particular series’ manga than anime though.

DID SASHA’S DEATH AFFECT YOU MORE WHEN YOU READ THE MANGA, OR SEEING IT ANIMATED WITH VOICES AND MUSIC? 249 Responses

As noted above, Sasha’s death seemed to be a hard hitter for most. Comparison of the adaptation vs the original allows to discern which hit the readers/watchers the hardest. Just one percent shy of a majority (49%) thought that the anime made it much more tragic. 30.9% noted that the impact was roughly similar across both mediums. On the flip side, 10.4% thought that the initial depiction of it in the manga was the hardest hitter. There were also a couple of write-ins. 

I dont remember I sped run reading the manga, kinda regretting it

I knew it for the first time in the manga, so it had a more powerful impact (I cried for a whole week. Not kidding) and the anime managed to make me cry as hard as in the manga. Though, I already was aware and grieved so it wasn't as bad

Got Spoiled :( so kinda meh, saw it coming

When the music kicked in after Connie announced she was gone, my heart broke into a million pieces. 

Let's be honest, Sasha's role was over after she killed the titan in the village and saved Kaya. After that she was just there. She got zero development, zero important moments, zero depth. Her death effected many characters and helped them to develop. Sasha's death was sad but at least brought some important changes in others. 

Not a Sasha fan so I was not really that affected but having a death in the series always feels sour

I think for me, they're both even.....mostly. There's just something about having been waiting for the chapter leaks on reddit with a bunch of other people and most of us collectively grieving at the same time. Once bigger pages of the chapter started coming out, it made me cry. I didn't even cry during serumbowl when I first read it and that had plenty for me to be even more upset about.

Honestly while reading manga I hated that Sasha’s last word was „meat”, it seemed so ridiculous. I’m happy MAPPA made it look more serious with music. Actually everyone’s reaction for Sasha’s death had more impact on me than the death itself

HOW DID YOU FEEL WHEN YOU SAW GABI KILL SASHA IN THE MANGA? AND HOW DO YOU FEEL SEEING IT AGAIN NOW, KNOWING HOW GABI’S ARC DEVELOPS? 247 Responses

Gabi is perhaps the most controversial character introduced post-time skip. Whether you’re a proud member of the Gabi Gang, proud hater of the 12 year old or just a neural party, everyone can admit that. With Sasha’s death at her hands, many seemed to offer up their opinion on the kid, back then and now. A slight plurality, 31.2%, stated that they did not hate her back when 105 first released and they don’t hate her now. 23.1% note that although they were rather upset with her back down, they are not (upset/angry) any longer. On the flipside, 25.5% state that they still hate the kid, as they did back then. Finally, some were simply neutral. Classic. 

Quite a few write-ins, as well.

I hated her in the manga but after watching the anime, I’m not happy about it but I understand why she did what she did and don’t hate her as much anymore.

I was extremely upset about it before and am still extremely upset about it now, but for different reasons. I hate her less but am not any less annoyed by her brainwashed hatred of the Paradisians, although I understand her much better and realize and empathize that she's just a kid who's been used by her country in the worst way.

Gabi Braun Must Die

Broke my heart and was upset, but understood where she was coming from (thought about her perspective only)

Sasha shoulda killed this cunt while she had the chance

It’s war, she did as she needed to.  Her arc is fantastic 

love hate relationship 

I didn't like her but not because of Sasha death (that's war consequence) and it's the same now

I really hated her with my whole heart and soul, but now that it has been all explained, that she had character development, I even like her now

I used to be angry about it but I understand why now, Gabi is just a victim of Marley’s control just like anyone else is, it’s a shame this is the results of it. She’s still at fault but I can’t hate her so much for it

I feel tired of Gabi hate. I disliked her in the manga back then but now I feel neutral towards her, because she has changed. Yet, I wish she took less screentime. 

SORRY for ranting! I don't understand the hate on Gabe. Yes, I know she killed a Paradise character which was present in series since its beginning and I understand Sasha's fans are upset Sasha is not here anymore because of her. but those people do not analyse Gabe as they should be. Every character belongs to a different side and each side is blinded by what heir belives in. It is okay to not like Gabe but I don't tolerate hate on her. I THINK THIS QUESTION SHOULD NOT HAVE BEEN INCLUDED AT ALL.

Initial hate, understanding after some thought

Understanding her situation I know I shouldn’t hate her, but I’m choosing to be petty and hate her anyway 

I liked her much more than I like her now. She was a much better character back then, her killing Sasha (a one-note comedic relief) was cool and brought some spice to the story. Now she just exists to spout themes and convenient exposition and to be an aimbot

i dislike her, even if i understand her

I dont like Gabi. Never did. It isnt because she killed Sasha tho. I just dont care for Gabi tbh BUT i can totally understand her actions and do not blame her for it after seeing the destruction and killings

I was and still am upset about Sasha's death, but from the start I blamed it more on the circumstances than Gabi.

I loved her then, I love her now and it probably wouldn’t change even if she killed my favourite characters. She’s my cinnamon roll

Gabi did nothing wrong, killing a soldier in the battlefield is not a crime.

See, I WANT to like Gabi since she's obviously changed, but knowing she killed Sasha nonetheless will ALWAYS prevent me from having any love or respect for her. She will always be my most hated character

MAPPA ADDED AN EXTENDED SCENE OF FLOCH AND OTHER SURVEY CORPS RECRUITS BEATING GABI AND FALCO. HOW DID YOU FEEL ABOUT IT? 240 Responses

MAPPA added an extra scene of Floch and Friends raining down copious amounts of gratuitous violence upon two 12 year olds (MAPPA is pro-child violence???????? Find out when 111 is adapted). 48.8% seemed to think that it was a decent addition, even if just for the SC’s characterization (or perhaps you enjoyed seeing that?). 22.5% thought it was a bit over the top to feature. Finally, 16.7% did not care. 

I didn't like it. But, it was def a believable reaction from them.

I just wish it was enough to kill her

I liked the additional characterization of Floch & co.

Great addition, it was implied in the manga so the scene fitted well. Still, it was horrifying to see how vile the scouts were to two kids

How about an option where we're glad Gabi got beaten to a pulp but not when Falco was?

ORA ORA thing, but we viewers get hurt too. 

Didn't feel bad about Gabi getting beat up, but I did feel bad seeing Falco get beat up. Poor boy didn't deserve that

A nice addition 

I thought it was a great choice to highlight the continuing violence and feelings of vengeance from both sides even more. and I thought it contrasted really well with Jean's decision not to throw the kids out of the airship.

The people glorifying this scene annoy the shit out of me

It's a good way to hint the "Yaegerist" perspective to anime onlies

MUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDA

The Gold Experience memes are funny

It was an IC scene for people like Floch + I feel bad for the kids

The way they shot that scene made the recruits seem like mindless, gross-faced animals storming towards the kids to beat them up. I liked how they were dehumanised like that, considering that most faces amongst them belonged to the ones who support the rumbling. 

It hurt to see that but good scene though

Feel empathy for Gaby. Violence don't solve problems

Now THAT'S what I call fan service! Who needs big-boobed, big-ass females or shirtless guys with and when you can just have the most hated character get the tar beaten out of them xD

I can see why they did it. MAPPA's not dumb and I'm sure they anticipated a massive onslaught on hate towards Gabi specifically, so it was their way of trying to satisfy the haters. Falco didn't deserve it tho.

It was a good addition

GREAT JOB MAPPA

I hate Gabi too but that was too much beating up a child, yet it also showed how shit Floch and the others are.

Apparently some people never noticed that Gabi and Falco got beat up, probably because it happened in the background. So it was good for MAPPA to call attention to it.

I love Gabi but she had that coming. No need to hurt Falco though. :(

OVERALL, HOW WELL DO YOU FEEL MAPPA EXECUTED THE REVEAL THAT ZEKE IS A TRAITOR TO MARLEY? 240 Responses

The reveal that ZOOK has been working against Marley for years on end is one of the most important ones in the series, really. So it was important to have it be executed in a rather decent manner. The vast majority of the fandom thought that MAPPA did a fine job. 52.1% gave it a rating of 4, 27.5% gave it a 5 and 17.1% gave it a 3. The couple of the other respnders gave it a 2, with no 1s.

IN THE END, DO YOU THINK EREN’S ACTIONS IN MARLEY WERE ULTIMATELY JUSTIFIED? 242 Responses

A question to remember… Were Eren’s actions in Marley ultimately “justified”? A plurality, 44.6% seems to think so. In contrast, 24% disagree. And 31.4% still aren’t sure to this day.

SIMILARLY, DO YOU THINK THE SURVEY CORPS WAS ULTIMATELY JUSTIFIED IN TREATING EREN AS THEY DID? 244 Responses

When it comes to the SC treating Eren as they did, the division is much less pronounced however. The majority, 60.7%, think that the SC had quite the justification for treating Eren as they did. On the flip side, 19.7% think that there was such justification for behaving in such a manner towards Eren. Finally, the same amount of responses stated that still can’t be sure to this day.

NOW THAT WE’VE GOTTEN A CLEAR SHOT OF YELENA, DID MAPPA DO HER JUSTICE? 243 Responses

YELENA is here. Queen 👑. Or well, maybe not. Who am I to say? In any case, her appearance was received well. 52.7% thought MAPPA did very well and 33.7% went on to declare their love for her. Just shy of 10% noted that MAPPA could have done a little better though. 

Kinda wish her hair was like neon or something idk

Need more eps of her to decide, she didn't get much screentime and lines here. 

I don't like Yelena, but yeah I guess they did good.

In the manga she was a creepy-looking person. MAPPA made her unique, interesting and mysterious. I love her voice and her stoic, relaxed self. MAPPA did a good job.  

QUEEN!!!!!

Great adaptation but I still don't like her as a character

Don’t care about her 

don't really care

I hate her and I don't care about her.

WHICH SCENE FROM THE PREVIEW ARE YOU MOST LOOKING FORWARD TO? 247 Responses

Such a colorful chart for this one. It would appear that slightly over a quarter look most forward to seeing Crykasa at Sasha’s grace. Slightly less (21.9%) want to see Sasha enjoying Niccolo’s cuisine. In third place is the scene with Connie, Jean, Mikasa and Niccolo at Sasha’s grace. The rest are, in order from most to least, Onyankopon and Yelena teaching the Survey Corps about the Port, EMA talking at the shooting range and Hange and Armin learning about Marley’s technology.

HOW HYPED ARE YOU FOR THE UPCOMING TIMESKIP FLASHBACKS? 239 Responses

The time skip flashbacks seem to be a hit. A little over 51% are super stoked about seeing them animated. Slightly under 24% state that they’ll enjoy them, but are looking forward to other things more. In contrast, 22.6% are ready to go crazy (from a positive standpoint)! Wooo! 

Enjoying AND dreading it at the same time

I just want the centipede

Boring. The only thing what interests me is Historia teasing Mikasa about her crush on Eren. The rest is too jolly. 

I'm looking forward to see Yelena's insane self be animated. That, and more Zeke.

THE MOST RECENT LIST OF FUTURE EPISODE TITLES SHOWS THAT EPISODE 12 WILL LIKELY END AROUND CHAPTERS 109-111, LEAVING CHAPTER 112 (EMA’S ARGUMENT) FOR EPISODE 13. EPISODE 67 WAS ALMOST ENTIRELY ADAPTED FROM CHAPTER 105, PROVING THAT ADAPTING DIALOGUE-HEAVY CHAPTERS FAITHFULLY CAN EASILY REQUIRE THE FULL 20 MINUTES. WITH ONLY 16 EPISODES - AND SO MANY WHICH ARE DIALOGUE-HEAVY - DO YOU THINK THINGS WILL END OFF WITH THE INITIATION OF THE RUMBLING (CH. 122), AS HAS BEEN SPECULATED BY MUCH OF THE FANDOM? 238 Responses

The manner in which the Season will end is a mystery to even the manga readers. Where will it end? Will it have many cuts? These are the questions. 36.6% seem to think that MAPPA will somehow manage to both end it at Chapter 122 and cut as little as possible. 26.5% don't believe ending on 122 is possible. 12.2% do believe MAPPA will end the Season on 122, but only with many notable cuts. Finally, just a little under 20% are simply not sure. There were a few write-ins as well. 

I hope not, too many cuts would be required 

The is no way they're making it up to 122, at first I thought they were going to finish it off with Eren's head getting blown off in 119, but now that seems like a reach too. Now I think MAPPA is probably going to end this first half of the season with Eren and Pieck's "where is the enemy?" and the warriors arriving to Shiganshina 

I’m not sure right now so I’ll have to see for later episodes for the cut-off point, if it isn’t the Rumbling then it’ll be when Gabi shoots Eren

MOVIE

I'm conflicted. I'm sure they'll end at rumbling because it's the only reasonable point to cut it, but I feel like they're running out of episodes. Then again I'm feeling the same about the state of Manga, there's just too little chapters left to end things up well.

I don't really want to think too much about it, I just want to enjoy the anime lol

I fully expect 119 to be the end

What was the point of rushing Reiner's chapters if you are going to slow down later. Goddamn it MAPPA. 

It'll really depend on the pacing for the next couple episodes, but I'm with a bulk of the fandom that see Chapter 119 Two Brothers being the end point for The Final Season. IF they were to skip the opening and maybe the ending, I can see them transitioning from Eren's head getting blown off immediately into his transformation and the beginning of the Rumbling. But even that is quite farfetched. 

I have no idea, I'm a little worried now. Wouldn't be the first time a lot of content gets cut but if they insist on reaching ch. 122, I just don't see how you do that without butchering a lot. If that happens, it would probably lessen my enjoyment of the season.

Yeah, I think it will have a lot of cuts, but I believe that it will get there because Ymir falling in the tree was in the trailer

ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS ON THE EPISODE?

It's amazing seeing how each week, something with SnK trends! ^^

It still baffles me just how much people insist on hating Gabi, especially when her arc has shown tremendous growth in the manga. Reiner was no better than her when he was a child and continued to insist that Paradisians are devils and chose to further destroy their lives even after sleeping under the same roof as the 104th for 3 whole years and forming personal bonds with them. Yet, his actions are forgivable but Gabi's are not? Both characters have shown remorse for their former beliefs and misdeeds against Paradisians. Both realized that they were in the wrong. The characters have forgiven Gabi. Why can't y'all do the same? People who want Gabi to suffer are no better than they accuse her of being. 

Well done episode which managed to capture the emotions of sasha's death perfectly

monke

I really appreciate Gabi as a character. She has spunk and a strong character arc in which she changes and grows more than anyone in the last 30 chapters of the manga, save maybe Mikasa (ignoring how Eren, Reiner, Armin and maybe a few others changed during the timeskip). It makes me sad seeing people wishing for her to die and praising Floch and the others for kicking her.

Gabi absolutely deserves the hate she gets

I absolutely love to see the anime-onlies mass hate of GabBitch, does my heart good xD

Boring ,too much Gabi she is annoying

Time to strap in: wild ride ahead!

Gabi Braun is the WORST character, her arc was poorly written and the moment she kills Sasha solidifies her rightful place as most hated character

No development has made me stop hating Gabi. The wound of Sasha's death will ALWAYS overshadow any crocodile tears Gabi may cry.

Kudos to Jean's and Connie's voice actors. Emotions were so raw and natural.

so good! they're really nailing down the emotional beats so far!

Dialogue-heavy but still amazing! Also the music was great

I didn't felt anything when Sasha died. Even the first time, in the manga. She hasn't enough personnality for me to care. Erwin and Bertolt's death were more saddening for me. Stop hating Gabi. She was in grief and she did what Marley brainwashed her to. And Sasha killed people right in front of her, so…

1 chapter was too little to be adapted for an episode, you could tell some scenes were stretched to fit the runtime

The music they chose for the scene of Sasha passing was also the same music they used when the Survey Corps first donned their capes and Eren found out Marco was dead... man, that song is gonna hit harder than ever now

It didn’t help with the overwhelming amount of hate Gabi is getting. I hope Mappa does her justice because she’s a great character but the Anime only seem to hate her because its a “funny” “popular” thing but it really isn’t... shows who really is paying attention to the story and the people who are watching it because it’s popular and trendy 

People who are hating on Gabi do not understand the themes portrayed in AoT

Pretty solid overall. Wonderful bits of animation such as the ODM bits and the solid character acting from Sasha going down, Mikasa and Armin is distress, personal highlight being Gabi's reload animation. Good ost choices, nice addition of Samuel and Daz to foreshadow their conflict later on in the story, and great work from Connie, Gabi and Eren's VAs.

Friendly reminder that just because we hate Gabi does NOT mean we don't "understand" the story or themes. We just don't care because Gabi is a bad character.

U mad at Gabi for what she did ? Did she kill Potato girl for no reason? Imgine a kid, at least 3 years younger than the 104th, made fighting on WARS and praised for it, brainwashed by Marley that Paradisians are devils, and these devils came in her home, killing her friends and this WOMAN killed in front of her eyes two people who tried to protect her. Don't be mad at Gabi. Grieve for Sasha, okay, but stop hating Gabi. You're the worst when you do it

Hey Gabiatans: as long as you're not threatening the VA or other RL p olle, it's PERFECTLY fine to hate Gabi. Period. We don't have to like her, and it's not like we don't "understand" her just because we hate her. I "understand" a lot of Germans were forcibly coerced into joining the Nazi regime, but I don't have to pity then for any consequences that came for them.

Leviiiiiii

I was surprised that Mikasa and Armin crying over Sasha had no voice over. I thought it was still effective but I'm not sure if I prefer it. Other than that, the character animation was amazing this episode. Gabi's hands as she reloaded the rifle and Armin crying were my favorites. Overall, everything was pretty perfect and I love it when a chapter gets adapted in full with basically no cuts. One of the best episodes in the series and a proper send off for Sasha.

Wonderfully done episode! They truly did Gabi and Falco's perspectives justice. Also, seeing Eren's expressions and reactions in animated format was clarifying and super well done, too!

WHERE DO YOU PRIMARILY DISCUSS THE SERIES? 227 Responses

Thanks again to everyone who participated! 

[cbseung]

cobblestones: modern prince hyunjin au - part 10

[masterlist]

[pt 1] [pt 2] [pt 3] [pt 4] [pt 5] [pt 6] [pt 7] [pt 8] [pt 9] [pt 10] [final]

pairings: hwang hyunjin x reader

wc: 2,600

description: the long awaited ball is finally here! but you technically don’t know how to ballroom dance,, luckily someone here is able to teach you!

a/n: it’s 3:30 am and i haven’t slept so TECHNICALLY it’s still saturday night for me 〜(^∇^〜）hope you enjoy the second to last part! (long part today so i can end this series on the next part (⸝⸝⍢⸝⸝) ෆ )

fiancée?

what?

all these thoughts start running through your head

once again

like

how long has he known and why did he tell you he had feelings for you if HE KNEW he was already engaged and if he knew he was engaged why did he even confess to you if it wasn’t just to play with your feelings and-

“oh! y/n!! it’s so great to finally meet you!!! hyunjin has said so much about you!!” mirai says, cutting your mental breakdown/overthinking/internal rant

so he HAS been talking about you

but more importantly what HAS he been saying about you?

you probably look like a dork because the shock hasn’t worn off yet 

“hey mirai?” hyunjin says

“hm?”

“do you mind if i talk to y/n privately?”

“no not at all! i’ll let you two friends catch up!!”

ah right

friends

because that’s all you guys were after all

you went on two (2) dates of course you weren’t dating

you even said no labels

but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t suck!!!!

so mirai walks back into the palace

and it’s just you and hyunjin

alone

....

and you wait for him to break the silence because he’s kinda got A LOT to explain to you

“so.. uh how are you” he says

??????

i’m sorry?

the first thing he asks

after he hasn’t seen you for a week 

and he ditched his promise to take you on a date

is how are you??

how does he THINK you are?????

you get like

really mad?

and you could never ever conceal your emotions cause your face just gives it away

so hyunjin 

obviously

can tell that you’re angry

and he sighs

“look, y/n”

at this point you’re fuming

like you’re about to explode

“i was going to tell you.. bu-”

“when? hyunjin? when we went to paris? barcelona? during many many coffee conversations we had?  when we were on the ferris wheel where i told you i liked you back? hyunjin, engagements can’t happen overnight! you’d have to have known!” 

so you’re trying NOT to cry

because it’s stupid 

crying over a boy

who’s only taken you out on two dates

but you can’t help it o(╥﹏╥)o o(╥﹏╥)o o(╥﹏╥)o

“y/n.. i found out when you got here.. remember when you and felix went to brighton? mom told me then, something about keeping the relations between japan and korea happy”

“what? this isn’t the 18th century??”

“i know,, i think it’s a good idea”

“but-”

“but what? it’s almost like you wanna get married to me, wow you call a girl pretty once” hyunjin laughs without a readable emotion 

hahahah

if that was a joke

that was a sucky joke 

you take a deep breath

because you’re trying not to scream and yell at hyunjin

and even worse

you’re trying not to show him how you really feel

so you take a few breaths to calm yourself down

“you know what? i was trying to be a friend and worry about your future and your feelings because i wouldn’t want my friends to be forced into anything that they didn’t want. because that’s all we ever were. friends.” you seethe. “i’ll see you at the ball prince hyunjin”

with your head held high

you walked back into the palace

really fast

because tbh you felt the tears coming

you only wanted one person and one person only

⊱ ━━━━.⋅ εïз ⋅.━━━━ ⊰

you take the rest of the day to recuperate before talking felix or yeji and having to explain yourself

so that night you drag yourself to you and yeji’s shared room and call felix as well

because the bffs need to be updated

“hey yeji.. felix..”

“y/n! my baby!” yeji says

you can always count on yeji to be protective over you

and she has never let you down!!

unlike..

oh look at that you’re crying again

now yeji and felix are concerned

“y/n??????? what happened????? who do i need to fight????” they both say

you sob/laugh

a great sound

and you explain everything to yeji and felix

literally from the beginning so you know that they got the full story

from hyunjin spilling coffee on you to your verbal spats to paris to shopping to barcelona to him confessing to your try out date to you confessing to your actual date that ALL leads up to the confrontation you had with him in the garden

“thaT LITTLE RAT” yeji yells angerly, “felix, you’re his brother wtf is wrong with him??” 

but felix also looks kinda shocked

“it’s kinda weird that i haven’t heard anything about the engagement,,, maybe he really did find out last night”

“even so! he practically ghosted her for the past week!”

“yeah that’s.. still really weird..”

“but enough about him,, y/n are you okay?”

“i.. don’t know.. do i JUST like him? or do i ˡᵒᵛᵉ ʰᶦᵐˀ ”

yeji sighs and replys

“y/n.. what you feel is what you feel, and no one can convince you otherwise” 

“yeah don’t worry about it y/n, you’re leaving soon and we’ll have tons of fun at the ball and you won’t have to worry about him anymore!”

ah but that

kinda makes you sad

it was a really fun summer 

all thanks to hyunjin

but it’s fine

he’s getting married!!

what can you do???

⊱ ━━━━.⋅ εïз ⋅.━━━━ ⊰

IT’S THE DAY OF THE BALL :00

who knew this day would come

also you’re leaving for home tomorrow (｡•́︿•̀｡)

you spent the rest of your days in london with felix and yeji

doing fun bff stuff that you never got to do

you also picked up your dress and did last minute shopping for the ball

because you’RE GONNA LOOK GORGEOUS 

you also spent the last days avoiding hyunjin like THE PLAGUE

he was eating breakfast? guess you were just gonna have to starve

walking down the hallway? you yeeted yourself into the nearest room 

it helped i guess because if you didn’t see him or talk to him then he CAN’T HURT you and your feelings can’t resurface !!!!!!

but anyways

the morning of the ball: hectic

everyone in the palace was running around setting it up 

you were trying your best to help yeji and felix who were off supervising everything 

(apparently this isn’t their first ball,,,,, royal kids am i right ╮(╯▽╰)╭ )

the morning speeds by and yeji yells at you that it’s time to get ready 

this is the really fun part

the whole transformation look

like you don’t USUALLY go all out 

but now you have an excuse!!

it’s a ball!!

at the buckingham palace!!

that yOU helped plan!!!!!

yeji hired a hair stylist and a makeup artist to help with this whole shabang

so you spent the next couple hours chilling and hanging out with yeji while you prepped for the ball!!

felix also popped in to hang out with you guys

and you were really happy! 

but surprise surprise

your mind drifted off to hyunjin 

you just hope he’s happy you know

 ⊱ ━━━━.⋅ εïз ⋅.━━━━ ⊰

by the time the ball rolls around you and yeji (finally) finish getting ready

and you make your way down the stairs 

and felix is waiting for you 

and surprise suprise

hyunjin is down by the stairs too

at this point

you know you look good

and you’re gonna have to face him eventually

might as well do it when you look good right?

“hey hyunjin..!!”

“ ᵒʰ oH hi.. y/n.. you look..-”

“great! i know!” you say as you wink and laugh

YEAH YOU LAUGHED BUT LIKE WAS THAT GENUINE BRO

“where’s mirai?” you ask 

crossing fingers he’d say that he dumped her and that he wants you but like

that’s not reality

“i’m right here! y/n you look lovely!” she says

“aw mirai you do too!”

you glance at hyunjin

WHO’S STILL LOOKING AT YOU

luckily 

felix is there to whisk you away before it got too suffocating yaknow

“y/n!! you look stunning!!” felix says

“thanks bro you’re not too bad yourself!!” you say

“come on we have to go outside to greet the press and then we can get our BALL on” 

“omg please don’t ever say that” you say as you and felix both laugh

⊱ ━━━━.⋅ εïз ⋅.━━━━ ⊰

so

you go outside and take those press photos with felix

and then it’s hyunjin and mirai’s turn

and you hear the other guests murmur

“ah did you hear that they’re going to announce their engagement today?”

“oh? the prince of south korea and the princess of japan make such a cute couple”

and you’re just like 

they’re not wrong

he’s really pretty, she’s really pretty

he’s a prince, she’s a princess

it’s almost like this match was so carefully planned out

...

anyways

you and felix make it into the ball

and sees the fruits of your labor

and it’s like ??? STUNNING if you do say so yourself

throughout the night, you’re having a lot of fun

eating and talking and laughing with yeji and felix

and next thing you know you hear felix say

“hey y/n it’s time to ballroom dance”

“whAT”

so APPARENTLY you HAVE to dance 

because it’s a ball and APPARENTLY it’s what you do 

“FELIX i don’t know how to dance!”

“it’s okay! i’ll teach you!”

so if you didn’t know

you kinda have two left feet

so you’re gonna look 

a mess

so 5 minutes and 10 broken toes latter

and felix says

“wow, you’re actually kinda bad”

“WOW THANKS”

“we’re gonna need an expert hm?”

“yes please”

so you’re standing there

waiting for felix to come back

“hey.. felix said you needed to learn how to dance?”

oh

you know that voice anywhere

you spent a month and a half with it

OH WAIT

OH NO

you frantically look around for felix

becAUSE HOW DARE HE GET HIM TO TEACH YOU!?!

unfortunately you don’t see him 

SO I GUESS

YOU’RE GONNA HAVE TO 

SLOW DANCE WITH HYUNJIN?

NO THANKS

“uh um i- haha you-you’re the expert?”

“i mean i guess? i dance a lot in my free time so ..”

OH RIGHT BECAUSE HE WANTS TO BE A DANCER

HOW COULD YOU FORGET

sigh “i guess you’ll do, come on i don’t wanna embarrass myself more than i already have”

“ouch i guess i’ll do?”

“yeah,, you’ll do” and you two crack a smile

JUST LIKE OLD TIMES AM I RIGHT

“okay so first, hold my hand”

“o..kay..”

“and put your other hand on my shoulder, and i’ll put my hand on your waist, okay?”

“you got it bud”

now you’re

HEAVILY AWARE of him and you and your hand in his hand and your hand on his shoulder and his arm on your waist

too much has happened it too little time!!

“okay, now step back when i step towards you, and move right when i move left and vice versa. got it?”

“got .. it..”

eventually

you got used to it

with a couple mistakes here and there

but you guys just laughed it off and continued dancing

BUT you got the hang of it

“you look beautiful today” you hear him say

now we’re gonna ignore the clench in your heart and say

“thanks bro, you don’t look bad yourself, prince hyunjin” you respond with a goofy grin

i can’t believe you just bro’ed him

“i can’t believe you just bro’ed me” he says

and now people just saw you and hyunjin laughing as you guys danced around the dance floor

because hyunjin made it fun!

you two were so lost in the moment

you two looked like you were in your own world

you two felt like you were the only two people in the world

he lifts your intertwined hands up and says

“spin!”

so you spin

a little too much

and hyunjin has to pull you back close to him

BUT HE PULLS you JUST

A LITTLE TOO CLOSE to HIS FACE

AND YOU FEEL YOUR BREATH HITCH

and he’s staring at your lips which makes you stare at his lips

and like look SO! SOFT! ⁄(⁄ ⁄•⁄-⁄•⁄ ⁄)⁄ ⁄(⁄ ⁄•⁄-⁄•⁄ ⁄)⁄ ⁄(⁄ ⁄•⁄-⁄•⁄ ⁄)⁄ ⁄(⁄ ⁄•⁄-⁄•⁄ ⁄)⁄

AND BEFORE YOU KNOW IT

HE’S COMING CLOSER

AND YOU’RE LIKE

WOAH WAIT BRO

you step back so quick

and see hyunjin’s shocked face

“um, i-” you say, “i-i can’t”

“but y/n-” you hear him say but not before

you SPRINT as fast as you can to the gardens

because you know that the only place that’s safe

away from the ball, away from him, away from your feelings (but that doesn’t work out)

ah but too bad hyunjin FOLLOWS you

you make it through the doors when you hear a

“y/n!” hyunjin yells as he grabs your hand

you refuse to look back at him in fear your feelings overpower and do something you end up regretting

“talk to me,,” you hear, his voice cracks with a hint of sadness and laced with hurt

now this makes you look at him

because this HURTs your heart

and you see hyunjin’s eyes start to tear up

and you PHYSICALLY feel your heart breaking

but your mind (thank god) is still working and kicking and you refuse to give in

without hearing him out first

“you barely said anything to me, i haven’t seen you since i got back, i really,, miss you..” he says

“hyunjin,, i- i can’t,, be around you, and i know it’s selfish of me but i can’t be around you without wanting to hold your hand and kiss your cheek and boop your nose and i can’t be around you unless i want to fall in love with you more and more”

well apparently

youR MOUTH

THINKS FASTER

THAN YOUR BRAIN

BECAUSE YOU’RE 99.9% SURE YOU JUST TOLD HYUNJIN YOU LOVED HIM

“and you’re marrying mirai!” you exasperate, “i can’t do that to her, but please please be selfish for once! and do what you want to do” 

and be with me

“y/n i love you, but i can’t go against my parents’ orders..”

now you feel the wind knocked out of you

so 1) prince hwang hyunjin of south korea loves you back but 2) won’t do anything about it because he “can’t” go against his parent’s orders when he doesn’t even want to be prince in the first place?

but you respect him and his decisions

and you don’t wanna fight a fight you feel like you can’t win

so you crack a smile

a heartbroken

but small smile

“so this is it huh?” you say

“wh-what do you mean?” hyunjin stutters

“i go back home tomorrow silly, and you’re getting married soon! invite me and jinyoung to the wedding so i can meet him okay?” you say, nudging him

like you’re saying this

all trying not to cry

because if there’s one person you’re not crying in front of tonight

it’s hyunjin

you start walking past hyunjin until you stop before the doors that lead into the palace

“hey hyunjin,, thanks. for everything. this summer was everything i asked for and more! i’m glad i met you, i’m glad i met felix, and i’ll cherish the times we spent together. i’ll see you around.”

and those are the last words you say to him before going back to the ball

the last words you say to him for a while

⊱ ━━━━.⋅ εïз ⋅.━━━━ ⊰

a/n: last part coming soon! also down below is the dress i had in mind while writing this part 

[alluremin]

Fair Game

pairing: park jimin | reader

genre: carnival au, crytid-ish hunter au| crack turned horror (?)

warnings: swearing, brief mentions of blood

premise:  “...I know our lives are technically in danger, but nothing ever happens in this town, so I’m pretty freaking pumped.”

word count: 4.4k

a/n: this is my story for @foreverpark​‘s halloween writing challenge! i had a lot of fun writing this!! (i know i said this was going to be posted yesterday, please forgive me. we all know that i’m wildly inconsistent. and yes i’m also aware that halloween has long since passed)(the dialogue prompt has been adjusted slightly to fit the situation)

The screams of children fill your head as you stare absentmindedly into space. The screeching of rubber bumpers colliding with one another do nothing to pull you out of your reverie. You feel like you’re living in a never ending loop of torturous proportion.

Sweat starts to trickle down the back of your neck as the sun continues to sink closer to the horizon. You can’t even be bothered to fix the umbrella or to adjust your bun turned bird’s nest higher on your head. It wasn’t until you feel a tap on your shoulder that you finally came back down to Earth. 

“You’re off the clock for the day!” Peyton’s chipper voice squeals in your ear. It’s not that you don’t like the girl, but she was always so happy to be at work and you had a hard time understanding that. After the day you’ve had, all you can do is offer a weak smile and a pat on her shoulder as you shuffle off toward the main office.

You had been working at this god forsaken carnival since you were sixteen. Sure, the extra income is nice, but now that you’re twenty one and on the verge of graduating from college; you dread going home every summer. Not to mention, there was always something foreboding about carnivals that made your skin crawl. You worked nights for one summer and have never done it since. The memories of that summer inexplicably make your skin crawl. There was just something about when the lights would go out on the rides that made you wish you could leave and never come.

The last thing you wanted to do, however, was risk missing out on an opportunity for work. You were already swimming in student loans, so it wasn’t ideal to turn down work when the opportunity presented itself. You constantly remind yourself that there were only a few more weeks left of summer, then you could finish your final year, graduate, and find a job that was actually fit for an adult. 

As you collect your stuff from the back office, you can feel your phone vibrating in your back pocket. The thought of having to speak to anybody right now made your brain turn to putty, so you ignore it. En route to your car, however, you can feel it go off at least 12 more times, only adding to your irritability. Ripping your phone out of your pocket, you glare at the screen. In this very moment, you decide that you’re going to strangle your friends. Your eyes roll almost voluntarily as you scroll through the messages.

You lock your phone and throw it into the passenger seat before dropping your head to your steering wheel. The problem with this whole situation is that Jungkook knew none of you would say no to him. The thought of having to go home, shower, then get back in your car to make the journey to Jungkook’s house was exhausting in and of itself, let alone having to actually do any of those things. 

Quickly into your freshman year of college, you managed to make an amazing group of friends. You became close with the boy across the hall and his suitemates. Jimin was extremely sweet, and more often than not, he left for his classes around the same time that you did. Not only that, but you often ate together and did laundry together. Before you left for Christmas break, he pulled you aside and asked you out in the cheesiest manner possible; under a mistletoe. You couldn’t possibly deny him when he looked that cute.

It wasn’t long before he would invite you across the hall to hang out with him, and his suitemates, Yoongi and Seokjin. They were both sophomores at the time, you and Jimin both freshmen. The four of you fell into the steady rhythm of having meals together, hanging out, and crying over finals (that last one was mostly just you). 

Last year, you all moved into the same townhouse together. It was great and your only complaint was the Jimin never slept in his own bedroom, but his body heat wrapped around you made him easy to forgive. One night, you all were hanging out in the rec center, playing your weekly game of ping-pong when a bright eyed kid walked in and sat in the corner by himself. 

At first, you all ignored him, thinking he was waiting for someone, but when some time passed and he was just playing with his fingernails, the four of you decided to ask him to play ping pong with you. You learned that his name was Jungkook, he hated his roommates, he was a freshman, and he was extremely good at ping pong. Needless to say, he quickly became a member of your makeshift family and you found a use for Jimin’s empty bedroom.

Strangely enough, his hometown was close to your own, so there was no break in any of your routines when summer hit. Jimin spent the majority of his summer with you at your childhood home and Yoongi and Seokjin traveled over every few weekends to hang out with the three of you.

When you push open your car door, you’re met with the view of your boyfriend coming out the front door to meet you. He could likely tell by your lack of responses to the group chat that you were having a long day, to say the least. Instead of attempting to make conversation, Jimin simply wraps his arms around your shoulders and holds you. You don’t fight him off.

“Jimin, I’m so sweaty,” you whine into his shoulder.

“Don’t care, I missed you.” He kisses the crown of your head before he releases you and looks you in the eyes. The small smile on his lips brings one to your own. 

“I need to shower before we go to Guk’s. I feel absolutely disgusting.”

“Okay, I’m going to help your mom put away groceries! She just got home a couple minutes ago.” Jimin kisses the tip of your nose before going into the kitchen. It’s no wonder she likes him more than you or your siblings.

After a shower and a short breakdown, you and Jimin are on your way to Jungkook’s house. You could only hope that his parents were expecting all of you there to, once again, scheme about some ridiculous plan Jungkook had to catch another cryptid he found on the internet. 

Since this summer started, there have been various occasions that Jungkook believed a ghoul, ghost, or mysterious creature had been located in the area and forced you and your friends to go out and look. Big surprise, you all have yet to anything. 

Upon entering his house, Jungkook greets you and Jimin at the door with a smile on his face, and Yoongi and Seokjin wave at you from the couch in the living room. 

“Where are you parents, Guk?” You ask.

“Date night. They’re really taking advantage of this empty-nester lifestyle,” he giggles to nobody in particular while leading you and Jimin into the living room.

You audibly gasp at the sight before you. Night-vision goggles, EMF detectors, a go-pro, and a large pile of black clothes sit in a pile on his living room floor.

“Don’t you have student loans to pay?” Jimin laughs as he crouches to the floor, staring at Jungkook in question.

“Yes, but if we’re going to do this, we’re going to do this right! I’m also using the excuse that I’m treating myself the only way I know how,” Jungkook picks up the go-pro that sat on the floor and grins at you. You can’t help but stare blankly at him.

“You broke Y/N with your crazy, Guk,” Yoongi says monotonously, not looking up from his phone. 

“Hey, I don’t think he’s crazy. I’m just blown away at your commitment, honestly.” You sidestep Jimin, who was sitting on the floor fishing through the sea of black clothes, and ruffle Guk’s hair. If you hadn’t known Jungkook, you truly would’ve believed exactly what Yoongi had just said. Among other things, this was just one of his hobbies and all of you accepted it. Honestly, cryptid hunting gave you all an excuse to hang out and play around in the woods or abandoned buildings and act like stupid teenagers again.

“Okay everybody gather around, it’s time to debrief!” Jungook announces to the room. 

“We’re all sitting right here!” Seokjin waves his arms overdramatically at Jungkook. 

“I just wanted your attention and now that I have it, let’s get started.”

Yoongi sits forward at this and tries to look interested, but you could tell that he was dreading going out tonight. You stand behind where he was sitting on the couch and squeeze his shoulders while Jungkook started his rant.

“Okay, so, today I was scrolling through one of my blogs… you know the one that I track all of the happenings in the cryptid hunting world. Next thing I know, I get a message from somebody with a link to a post somebody made about a Yowie that was spotted not far from where Y/N lives! So-”

“Hey Jungkook, I hate to interrupt your speech, but can you please tell me what the fuck a Yowie is?” you question him. You could feel Yoongi’s shoulders shake under your arms as he chuckles. 

“Okay so it’s basically bigfoot… but from the Outback... of Australia.” He looks at you in complete seriousness. It’s only a matter of seconds before the rest of you crack up at his confession.

Once you all manage to gain your composure, you notice Jungkook scratching the back of his neck in embarrassment, his cheeks turning a bright pink.

You leave Yoongi’s side and sit on the floor next to Jimin. “Not that I don’t believe in the vast ability of this ‘Yowie’ to travel, but it’s not like we’re in the middle of the Outback, Guk,” you reason with him. He drops unceremoniously to the floor next to you.

“Yeah, I was hoping that you guys wouldn’t think anything of it. You usually just tune me out when I go on my rants then follow me into the woods and throw sticks at each other and stuff.”

“Hey, maybe it’s out there! We don’t know, right?” You smirk at him and a smile returns to his face. “Who knows? Maybe Yowies can swim across the ocean, eh?”

Jimin joins in on your comforting Jungkook, wrapping his arm around your waist and pulling you into his side. “Even if it’s not a Yowie, maybe they saw something else! If there’s anything out there, we can find it,” Jimin assures. 

You turn around to look at Yoongi and Seokjin. Seokjin is trying to figure out how night vision goggles work, looking around the room with them on, his mouth hanging wide open in confusion. Yoongi, on the other hand, was still staring at you incredulously. 

“Right, Yoongi? We’re still going out to find whatever it was?” You raise your eyebrow at him to say something. One thing you knew for a fact was that Yoongi had a soft spot for you and you knew that you could convince him to drop his doubts for the sake of Jungkook’s feelings. 

“Uh, yeah. I’m sure it’ll still be fun even if there’s no way in hell that-” Yoongi stops mid-sentence when he notices your glare. “-we’ll find it if it’s out there, kid.” You look away satisfied. 

“Alright, it’s settled then! Yowies here we come!” You shout excitedly in an attempt to bring up the energy in the room.

“Y/N, what’s gotten into you? By the end of our hunts your face is usually buried in Jimin’s back. Remember that one time you got so scared when Yoongi broke that stick that you-”

“Kim Seokjin, if you finish that sentence, you’re toast. I’m willing to brave the storm if it means we make a new scientific discovery!” You exclaim. Everybody gawks at your false sense of confidence, but if they have any comments, they keep them to themselves. 

“Okay so here’s the game plan…”

The five of you load up in Seokjin’s truck and head toward the place you dreaded most: the carnival. The clock read 1:00 am; Jungkook had insisted that you wait until after midnight because he was sure that every cryptid was probably nocturnal. You tried to explain to him that nocturnal just meant it would be dark outside, but he was set in his ides and you didn’t have the heart to argue with him. Instead, you all made use of the afternoon to watch movies and nap until you had to go out. 

As you’re driving down the barren road, you can’t help but lean onto Jimin and close your eyes again.

“Are you still tired, baby?” He whispers.

“Yeah, I haven’t been sleeping well.”

“I can tell, you move a lot in your sleep.” Jimin kisses the crown of your head and wraps his arms around you body to pull you impossibly closer.

“Hey, no sleeping, we’re on a mission!” Seokjin shouts from the front seat. You groan into Jimin’s neck when Seokjin’s early 2000s playlist blares through the speaker. You can feel Jungkook on your left side roll his body around to “Fergalicious”. You pick your head up and give up on getting any more sleep. 

Only 5 more minutes pass before you pull into the parking lot in front of the fairgrounds. In all honesty, there was something about the way the attractions look in the dark without their lights on that brings goosebumps to the surface of your skin. They look incriminating, hauntingly abandoned by the carnival goers for the day, completely alone for the night. 

Since the sun had gone down, the temperature had dropped drastically. You were in an oversized black hoodie Jungkook forced you to wear (for stealth) and your athletic shorts. Maybe you’re starting to let your nerves get the best of you, but the second you step out of the car, the wind begins to pick up, almost as if it’s greeting you, or warning you. 

You cling to Jimin’s arm, not only because you love his attention, but also due to your nerves. You try to convince yourself that this feeling was normal. Everytime you all went out at night, you do the same thing; you were excited to go out and have fun, but once you got to the location, or “hunting grounds” as Jungkook liked to say, you started to get scared. All of the terrifying, albeit fictitious, facts that Jungkook would tell you about the cryptid in question would creep back into your head. All you could hope was that you never would actually find any of the things he told you about.

You and your friends approach the locked gate at the entrance of the fairgrounds. They turn back to you as you fish a ring of keys out of your pocket. Perks of working at this carnival for the last 5 summers, you guess. 

The heavy padlock falls when you remove the key from it, causing a cloud of dust to puff up from the ground. You drop to pick up the lock when a loud groan echoes somewhere in the distance. It sounds like bending metal, almost. 

“You guys heard that, right?” Jungkook asks while pointing his flashlight down the path between the rides.

“C’mon, Guk don’t start. You know how unreliable these rides are, it’s probably just the Gravitron slowly falling apart.” Yoongi hits Jungkook’s shoulder as the two continue forward. Jimin grabs the underside of your arm to help you stand while Seokjin takes the lock from you hands and hangs it on the fence.

“You okay, babe?” Jimin asks.

“Uh, yeah. Yeah, I’m fine. The sound just made me jump,” you say shakily. Jimin holds your hand and you trudges forward after your three friends. “Yoongi’s right, these rides are mediocre in structural integrity, at best.”

“I think it’s cute when you get scared on our hunts. You always hold my hand really tight, “ Jimin teases. You nudge his shoulder with your own.

Everybody stops near the Ferris Wheel and Jungkook splits up the equipment. You’re not sure why he hands you an EVP detector; the second the device so much as makes a peep, he knows you’re going to lose you mind. In all honesty, that probably the exact reason behind him giving the device to you. “I didn’t think that Yowie’s could manipulate electromagnetic fields, so why would we need this? They’re just animals, technically… I think.” Your question trails off with your train of thought. 

“Do you think I would risk not catching another entity because I was so focused on the Yowie? C’mon Y/N, I’m not an amateur!” Jungkook jokes but there’s a hint of seriousness in his statement. You throw you hands up in defeat and choose not to question him further. 

“So should we split up and cover the grounds?” Jimin asks. 

“I don’t mean to ruin the vibe we have going here,” Seokjin cuts in before Jungkook can begin to speak, “but this is vaguely reminiscent of Scooby and the gang. Tag yourself, I’m Velma!”

Jungkook turns from Jimin and glares at the older man. “Dude, seriously?”

“What?”

“Now is not the time… but Yoon is Scooby-Doo.” Jungkook smirks at Yoongi. 

“Why am I Scooby, I feel more like Shaggy. You’re Scooby!” Yoongi points to Jungkook.

“Does that make Y/N and I Fred and Daphne by default?” Jimin pipes in.

“So I’m a damsel in distress?”

“Y/N, you’re literally hanging off of my arm right now,” Jimin looks down at you in amusement.

“Okay everybody, reel it back in! I know that you two will at least humor me and try to find some evidence,” Jungkook motions to you and Jimin. “You two on the other hand, won’t. You’ll sneak back to the car when nobody’s watching. I’ll go with you guys.” Jungkook grabs Seokjin and Yoongi by the elbow and pulls them in the opposite direction that you Jimin start to head in. 

“So do you actually believe in all this stuff?” You look up at Jimin.

“I don’t think so. I mean, we’ve never found anything before. At school or here,” Jimin reasons.  

“I guess that makes sense. I like to think that I don’t either, but then I feel so uneasy whenever we go out. Like… there’s gotta be things we haven’t discovered yet, right?”

“Are you alright? You look really pale, sweetheart?” Jimin grabs you by the shoulders and slide his hands up to you cheeks. 

“Yeah, I think so. I’ve just never felt this anxious before.” You look him in the eyes when you feel another strong breeze whip across the right side of you body. Another deep groan echoes throughout the grounds and all of your hair stands on end. Jimin pulls you into his side and spins the two of you around with his flashlight in hand.

A beeping noise meets you ears, growing in volume. You recognize that it’s coming from your back pocket. With shaking hands, you reach behind you and pull the EVP detector out. The lights on top of the device started to flash, the meter in the center rising with the noise it was emitting. 

“Is it supposed to do that?” Jimin asks you while keeping his attention on your surroundings. 

“I don’t-”

You don’t finish your sentence. 

Suddenly, every light in the entire carnival come to life. Animatronic attractions and music from the booths blare to life. The music rises to a decibel that causes both you and Jimin to cover your ears. Once the ear splitting tunes lower back down to a bearable level, Jimin grabs your hand and you two run in the direction that you came from, hoping that you run into your friends on the way.

After you find yourself in front of the Ferris Wheel, you hear Jungkook screaming out for you and Jimin. Spotting him to your right, you run in his direction; toward the fun house.

Once you two arrive at the backdoor, Jungkook pulls you inside and you see Seokjin and Yoongi crouching in the corner trying to catch their breath.

“Alright, what the fuck is happening right now?” Jimin yells.

“There’s something here, I don’t know what it is! We heard a loud sound like the one we’d heard when we first got here, then everything turned on. It felt like we were being watched...are still being watched,” Jungkook trails off and leans against the wall. You can see the terror and confusion in everybody’s eyes and you’re sure your own match theirs. 

“Y/N, please tell me there’s an explanation. Somebody knows we broke in and are trying to scare us off?” Seokjin ran his fingers through his hair out of anxiousness.

“The only way to turn on all of the attractions at the same is a master key in the control building, otherwise they all have to be turned on individually, also with specific keys.”

“Who has keys?” He asks you.

“Three people. The city has one, the manager has one… and I have one.”

“Okay so maybe somebody from the city, or the manager?”

“I don’t know about the city, but we were only here for 15 minutes before this all happened and the likelihood of somebody making it from City Hall all the way out here in that time is impossible. The manager left town for the weekend on a camping trip with his family…” You trails off when the severity of the situation hit you, so you sink to the ground and hold your head in your hands.

“You’re not doing it Y/N, are you? You said it yourself, you have a key!” Jungkook points an accusing finger at you. 

“Jungkook, I’ve been terrified since the moment I got here, of course I didn’t! Do you honestly think I’d risk us getting arrested for a good joke?!” You throw your hands out in front of you as you yell.

“...I know our lives are technically in danger, but nothing ever happens in this town, so I’m pretty freaking pumped.”

All of you start to yell at Jungkook for his comment when you feel the ground beneath you become uneven. The funhouse is tipping.

“Everybody shut up!” Yoongi yells as he stands. Another bang and the flimsy building tips again. “Holy shit, everybody get out!”

You all file out the door you came through and run toward the gate. Only when you turn your head do you realize you’ve made a huge mistake. In front of the funhouse, a giant figure, almost appearing as if it’s made of mist, turns toward the sound of your running feet. Yoongi notices your petrified figure in front of his and he grabs you as he runs past, forcing you to break your gaze from the creature and run for your life. 

You’re unsure why you thought you would be capable of outrunning whatever that thing is, but as you reach for Jimin’s hand, you feel as if your body becomes frozen in place before everything goes dark.

The sun peaks over the horizon as your blurry vision returns to you. Jimin’s hand is still in yours. You manage to sit up with a groan and your ears ring as you take in the display around you. Your friends surround you on the ground and in a frenzy, you make your way around to each of them, checking for a pulse. The tears stream down your face in relief when you confirm that everybody’s alive. 

When you touch his wrist, Jimin stirs and meets your gaze, sitting up holding his temples. Your legs are covered in scratch marks from where you fell on the gravel path and Jungkook’s hoodie is ripped to the elbow. Your head landed in the grass, but everybody else wasn’t so lucky. Jimin had a gash on his forehead that would probably need stitches, Jungkook and Seokjin had scratches all over their cheeks, and Yoongi had fallen backward, so you couldn’t see what was going on with him. 

Wordlessly, you and Jimin crawl from person to person trying to stir them awake. Seokjin and Jungkook woke relatively easily, but Yoongi took some more coaxing.

“Is everybody okay?” You manage to croak out. Everybody around you groans and Jimin releases a noise resembling “yes”. 

“What the fuck happened?” Yoongi asks as you all begin to stand. Nobody answers his question. Nobody has an answer to his question. 

When you turn around, the area is in disarray. The carts from the Ferris Wheel are either dismantled or completely destroyed, laying on the ground around the giant ride. The funhouse is completely knocked over on top of the game booths that lay behind it. Toys and string lights are thrown everywhere. 

You pull your phone out of you back pocket, the time reading 6:39 am. The screen is completely cracked, but still appears functional, so you carefully unlock it. The only notification the comes across your phone is from the weather channel. ‘Flash Tornado Warning 1:32 am, take cover.’

You show the phone to everybody as you all stand there in disbelief. Everyone is silent, because whatever happened to you last night wasn’t because of a tornado. Tornadoes don’t chase you down. Tornadoes don’t make eye contact with you and change their course. You knew that and so did everybody else. 

Jimin took your shaking hand and Seokjin pulled everybody together, forcing the five of you to walk out toward the gates. Outside the fairground, everything look practically unscathed. Seokjin’s truck was just as you had left it. The flags that separated the parking rows were all still in place. Everything outside the carnival was completely untouched.

Maybe you all are the only ones who know what really happened last night; whatever it was that happened last night. You don't know what you saw or why it happened. Before you crawl into the backseat of the truck, you walk back toward the gate.

“Y/N, don’t go back over there,” Jimin reaches for your hand but you slip out of his grasp and continue forward. 

Without hesitation you reach into your pocket and hang your keys on the gate. You definitely weren’t going in for work later, nor would anybody else. In this moment, you knew that this would be your last time ever stepping foot on these fairgrounds. With what you and your friends experienced here tonight, you predict that the feeling is mutual.

[flange5]

Hi angie! I just had a quick question that, if it's okay, I'd like to get your perspective on as a teacher. I ended up in 2 of this one professor's classes this semester and I really liked his class structure, and him as an instructor - so I signed up for more of them next term. Is that a weird thing to do? I know you dont speak for every teacher but wokekwkwks thank you

Hi, anon!

That’s a really good question and I can see both why you’d do it and both why you might be a bit nervous to do it. 

SO, first off your professor doesn’t think you’re weird or a kiss-ass, so if that’s your concern, feel better! We often are excited to get repeat students bc it means there are names we don’t have to memorize, personalities and learning styles we’re already comfortable with, and it is kind of validating to know a student felt good enough about their experience in another class to sign on again. 

That said, there are some things to consider about diversifying:

1) Rec letters. This professor is likely going to be your go-to for recommendation letters for internships, transfer if that’s a possibility, grad school if that’s a possibility, scholarships and grants,  possibly a job. So on the one hand this person is a natural bc they’ll know you WELL and that means they can build a picture of you that is much more individual than someone who only saw a student in one class and didn’t really interact much.

BUT. Be aware that you may be putting a lot of eggs in one basket. So, if you really like this prof but they’re disorganized or bad with deadlines, you may have some stress if you’re relying on them for this. ALSO, make sure you are also making relationships with other professors in your major/field even though you are obviously taking a bunch with this professor–I might make an extra effort to drop by office hours early in the semester for OTHER professors so they can start to build a positive picture of you and also start to hoard things to say in case you ask them for letters in the future.

–HONESTLY, I wish people would more directly talk to students about recommendation letters early in their college careers, and how to strategize for getting good letters. Start in your first semester, so you have options and backups. I just had a student who I’ve known for 3 weeks (i.e. I don’t know her at all) ask me for a letter, because a prof in another major is apparently ghosting her after saying yes and I’m in the position of saying I CAN write her a letter and I’ll do my best to make it as good as possible, but I can’t lie, they will ask how long I’ve known her, and it’s going to be hard for me to write her an effective letter that will do anything other than check a box on their checklist, but she still wants me to do it, either because I’m approachable or because she’s not had/cultivated relationships in her previous classes that allow her to ask other people.

/side rant/PSA

2) coverage of field--professors have areas of specialization in their field, so by sticking with one prof you may be getting a kind of lopsided view of your major–that said, your department/institution has coverage requirements and this is only really an issue to consider if you’re strongly considering grad school or employment truly based in your major and trying to avoid accidental blind spots in your preparation.

3) pre-emptive damage control–not to catastrophize, but the only other concern I’d have about loading up another two classes with this professor is that if you have a falling out with them between now and the end of the semester, that’s going to make next semester difficult and stressful for you (and them). But if you feel like there’s a good rapport/match, why borrow trouble–if something goes super sidewise, you can always switch sections or move things around. To avoid this, it’s really important to avoid nasty surprises–be aware of syllabus policies, especially for late/short work, and of the grade breakdown–how much are different things worth, so you don’t get blindsided by anything and carry that upset with you in the future. The cool thing about a 4x repeat prof, though is that we tend to carry over our policies from class to class so you’ll likely be super familiar with this one guy’s rules. 

related: I often recommend my first years write out class specific policies in the cover of that class’s notebook/folder if they keep one, or create a master sheet listing the policies for each class and saving it to the phone and posting it on the fridge/somewhere prominent as a reminder–late work policies, short/long work policies, contact info, weird specific rules about how/how not to submit work (electronic or not, will they accept emailed work as a time stamp even if they will require a hard copy later?) yadda yadda, so when it’s 1am and you’re exhausted and sick and can’t brain you can just glance at a bullet point list for that class tomorrow and know whether or not it’s worth pushing through or taking a 5% hit for late work bc this professor accepts it with a minimal penalty but that jerk in the afternoon doesn’t accept late work, so prioritize them. You don’t want to mess that up and it’s so easy to mess that up.  

tl;dr, but it won’t be an issue for your professor, but there are some potential opportunity costs in terms of relationships, experiences with other professors, and a slight risk if the relationship goes south. But if you do preventative maintenance, you’ll have done a great job of engineering a semester where a good chunk of your classes will be taught by someone you’re comfortable with, and who can write you a great letter! That’s pretty good!

I hope that helps, and I’m sorry I rambled so long. Pity my students. 

[feministdragon]

okay, so here's this fantastic rant that I want to share

http://gaslitnation.libsyn.com/mafia-state-usa  

https://www.gaslitnationpod.com/episodes-transcripts-20/2019/11/19/mafia-state-usa-1

@44:50

Andrea Chalupa: There was a study how in political journalism white men talked to other white men and women get shut out of the conversation, and therefore women are locked out essentially of being prominent political journalists. There are very few of us. And there's no greater example of that than just now, Josh Marshall of Talking Points Memo and Jon Favreau of Pod Save America saying that I am the former DNC contractor who has been called before the House. Andrea Chalupa.  [It’s Alexandra Chalupa, her sister]

Sarah Kendzior: [laughter] Oh my God.

Andrea Chalupa: And I'm sort of like, wait a minute, you guys. I want to say to Josh Marshall and John Favreau of Pod Save America: the Kremlin, the Kremlin can tell me and my sister apart, which is why we in America here, our media, and our government has been played so successfully by the Kremlin. If you here in America cannot even tell that my sister and I are two very different people, what is wrong with you? How can we trust you to accurately, successfully, effectively cover one of the greatest crimes in human history? Get it straight. On the heels of the Steele dossier being dropped by BuzzFeed, Putin's Sean Hannity did a segment on how my sister created the Trump Russia scandal and how I helped her. The only solace I took in that was that, "Okay, well, at least the Kremlin is smart enough to know that we're two different people. I wish my own media would catch up."

Sarah Kendzior: Yeah, I mean, it's pathetic. It's a sign of their laziness. It's a sign of their incompetence, but their incompetence puts people's lives at risk.

Andrea Chalupa: It's a sign of their arrogance. It's a sign of their arrogance. We've had this show for a year. We have members of Congress that follow this show. We've had outreach from members of Congress. We've had impact with what we've had to say. And yet our colleagues in the political journalism world, we don't register with them. We don't count on their radar, because they're busy talking to each other. If we were two men that launched a successful podcast within a year, there's over half a million podcasts out there. Very few rise to the surface. Gaslit Nation within a year was able to do so, within its first few episodes was able to do so. Our trailer announcing the show went viral. If we were two men who managed this on our own, we would have profiles written about us. Instead, Sarah and I continue to be ignored, even though we're at the center of this and our lives are threatened by this and we're getting harassment and phishing emails and other things as a result of the reporting we're doing. And yet, we're still continually sidelined by our colleagues who are also covering the story.

Sarah Kendzior: Right, and it's only by a certain type of colleague, to be honest. It's by rich white men who live in New York and D.C., because we do have a very large audience. We have a very diverse audience. We have an international audience. You have a movie; I have a bestselling book. We both do media appearances regularly. Like, we're not exactly languishing in obscurity. What I find frustrating about this is like, you know, I certainly do not need the validation of like Pod Save America, or, God help me, Josh Marshall to get through my day. I can live without that. What is frustrating is that the information that we're putting out there is coming months in advance of other publications and that it's because of our expertise, because we both spent our lives studying the former Soviet Union. And of course, in your case, your sister is caught up in this whole mess. And so when we come out in April and May with warnings about Giuliani's activity in Ukraine and about how he is the new Manafort and about everything else that we were like, "Please, Congress, look at this. Please, U.S. media with more resources and money than us. You need to look at this. You need to examine this, or we're going to end up with something like, oh, I don't know, Trump conducting an extortion scheme in July." Maybe if you would actually pay attention to what's going on and listen to people who have experience with this region, despite the fact that we happen to be women, maybe you’ll fucking know a thing or too, instead of just running out your mouth like, "Wow, I can't figure out why in the world Trump is connected to Putin." It's like, holy fucking shit, man. Like, there are books about this. Like there are books, you know, there are books written by me, but there are books written by many other people. There are television shows run by women like Rachel Maddow or Joy Reid that have been documenting this for years. You've got to catch up. You suck at your job. Like, either quit your job or catch up, because lives are on the line.

Freedom of speech is one of the few weapons that we have at our disposal that we more or less control. Free speech, free media. Guess what? It's probably not going to last forever, so it's your duty as an American citizen, as a journalist, to try to inform the public. And if your information is marred by your inability to actually consider women as human beings and listen to their expertise, then we're in a lot of trouble, because as we see again, as they pointed out in the beginning of the show, people who are bringing the truth forward are often women. It is Fiona Hill. It's the U.S. ambassador to Ukraine. It's whistleblowers like Reality Winner. It's the journalists I just mentioned. And it's a very consistent phenomenon of being marginalized in this discussion. And again, this is not about ego. We've been around long enough that we really don't give a fuck. It's about facts.

Andrea Chalupa: It's about facts. Let me break it down to you like this. So I have a friend who is an executive coach, and she said that her clients primarily come from mediocre white men who are so shocked that they keep getting promoted that they need help managing the extra responsibilities, and women who are doing all the work and never being promoted. That's her client pool.

Sarah Kendzior: And that's how things are. That's how things are in the United State of America.

Andrea Chalupa: That's political journalism. That's journalism. That's government. That's the space we're in.

Sarah Kendzior: And we encourage women to just keep speaking out and keep telling your stories and to, you know, if you can, run your own podcast or your own publication. Like, media is dying. We've seen a gutting of independent journalism. We're losing outlets right and left. The mainstream media is largely co-opted not just by government pressure, but by corporate constraints. We have barriers to entry where you have to be quite wealthy a lot of times to work for a pittance at one of these prestigious publications in the most expensive cities in America. We've got one out of every four journalists living in a very expensive place, while people like Missouri can afford to shoot their mouths off. And so I just encourage, you know, I don't want women to listen to this and feel discouraged, feel like no one's going to listen to them, because that's a really funny thing. Every day I get probably a hundred to a thousand tweets of people saying that, you know, "No one listens to Sarah Kendzior." [laughter] I'm like, well, if no one's listening to me, why are my mentions just an endless stream of people telling me that no one listens to me? And really, the key word in that sentence is "no one," because what they mean by "no one" is wealthy, white men, because everybody else is listening and is, you know, quite aware. It's this very narrow group, a kind of tyranny of the minority within journalism that, you know, part of it is they cannot come to grips with the breakdown of American exceptionalism. They cannot come to grips with the fact that they missed the story. They missed the boat. This all went right over their head while they were busy rambling on about Hillary's emails and how she was destined to win the election and all the other shit they got wrong. They cannot handle that. It's incredibly humiliating, because our very existence is a slap in the face to that establishment. And it's like, well, you know what, tough shit. We're all on the same sinking boat. We're all Americans living under this incredibly corrupt administration. We should all be trying to do our part to get the facts to the people. So yeah, I'll leave it at that.

Andrea Chalupa: And let's end it with Elizabeth Warren. You have Biden potentially crumbling as a frontrunner because he doesn't have what it takes. And it's just a simple fact of Biden not reading the room, not being part of the zeitgeist right now and giving the terrorist organization fueled by blood money—the Republican Party—way too much credit, saying that if only the Republicans can free themselves of Trump, we can have a united country. The Republican Party created Donald Trump. They are complicit. They're all in this together. This was the inevitable. The Trump Frankenstein monster was the inevitability of the Republicans party's ideology of hate, which has been growing in this country for so long, and so Biden's not reading the room. And what you're having is this emergence of Elizabeth Warren. Elizabeth Warren has been doing such an incredible job in having this common-sense platform where she has these plans on how she's going to confront the corruption that allowed Donald Trump to come to power. Elizabeth Warren is framing the debate accurately that the 2020 election is going to be about corruption. It's just corruption, plain and simple, and that is what her plans are about, is tackling gross income inequality, tackling the inhumane policies in America, where people are continuing to fall through the cracks as a society where any sort of health problem can make you lose your house and go bankrupt. And yet, you have a cable news bubble that continues to demonize her because they are afraid of losing their own power. What we're hearing on cable news is the familiar sound that all women know, and that is the entitled scream of the mediocre white man, because they know that we are coming for them because they have had power for far too long and they did not use it responsibly. So now nobody, nobody gives up power willingly, especially idiots. So what we need to do is arm ourselves with our grassroots armies, wait for nobody to save us but ourselves and show up, and show up for each other, and do not give in to their gaslighting. Elizabeth Warren has what it takes. She's a well-balanced candidate, and she has solutions to all of the social ills that gave rise of Donald Trump. And she understands. She has called the enemy by name, and the enemy is corruption.

Sarah Kendzior: Absolutely. And you know, on the final note, what they were chastising Warren for this week was being, quote, "angry and antagonistic." Which, quite honestly, I'm glad she's angry. She's angry at injustice. She's angry at the corruption of billionaires who are influencing and breaking our institutions, who have run this nation roughshod. And so yeah, she's antagonistic toward them. To be clear, she's not alone in this. You see this kind of rage from Sanders, you saw it from Beto O'Rourke, you see it sometimes from Kamala Harris, from Julian Castro. You see it from many of the candidates, and it's a good thing. We should be angry right now. That type of anger is a form of compassion. It is the opposite of hate or spite. It is the opposite of apathy, and I think people oppose this, people in the media from high positions of power who have been entrenched in that power despite their lack of merit, because it makes them very uncomfortable. It reminds them that there is an alternative to godlessness and to moral failure, and so I encourage all the candidates to continue speaking out in the way Warren has, and I encourage female journalists and other female activists to keep speaking out despite these sexist caricatures and attacks, and this insistence that we play nice, because quite honestly, there's a difference between nice and good, and I think that what we need to do is do good, is do things that are morally sound, things that are beneficial and helpful to vulnerable people, instead of just valuing this, quote-unquote "civility" above all else, because all civility is is a cloak for corruption.

[piipedreams]

47 + Sharon plus anyone! Your choice!

(it’s shillam again bc i’m weak n i love them. pls send all ur love to @artificialmeggie for checking through this for me too pls. also i’m on mobile bc i’m on holiday so sorry if this is horribly formatted)

for the prompt: “no one needs to know”

“FUCK!” Sharon exclaims, lashing blindly at her altar before storming to the other side of the room, her enraged stomps drowning out the sound of things tumbling over. She thinks about giving up entirely and throwing herself into the hammock Aquaria had insisted on erecting only to never use, but the combination of her current lack of luck and her lack of faith in her daughter’s carpentry skills convince her otherwise. Thus, she resigns herself to lying face-down on the wooden floor, booting the ground with the toe of her scuffed Dr Martens just for good measure.

“And you wonder where I get my dramatic streak from…” drawls an all-too-familiar and all-too-frustrating voice. Sharon’s daughter Aquaria is perched like a princess upon Sharon’s king-size bed, lounging back against a plethora of throw pillows and lazily waving a hand in the air supposedly to dry her nails. Sharon loves the little nightmare, she really does, but she’s not in the mood, knows that she’ll snap if she opens her mouth to respond and doesn’t want to put that on her. Luckily, Aquaria knows her all too well, not even giving her a chance to retaliate.

“Oh, and be careful with the altar. If you kick a candle over and set the place on fire I’m not taking the blame like I did when you burnt dinner last year. We’re both too old for that now, it’d be embarrassing.”

Aquaria is ten.

Sharon still doesn’t dignify her words with a coherent response, letting out a long, low groan just to remind her daughter of her current suffering and torment. She hears the sound almost immediately echoed from the bed, is unsure whether she’s being mocked or watching her daughter become herself and is unable to discern which option she’d hate more.

Lifting her head, she watches Aquaria flounce off the bed and flick her long, blonde hair over her shoulder with purpose, tiny heels clacking as she makes her way across the room, pausing to reassemble Sharon’s altar with what Sharon just knows is a hidden eye-roll. The little brat.

“Fine,” she announces in a sharp, impatient tone, as though Sharon had just made a decision or request she wasn’t aware of. As well as her flair for the dramatics, it seemed the kid had also inherited Sharon’s general distaste and impatience regarding other people. She was so proud. “If you’re not gonna talk to me, I’ll go and fetch somebody else for you to rant to.” And with those words she struts out of the room, her little wedge heels clicking against the wooden floors and her hair bouncing behind her, completely ignorant as Sharon calls out half-arsed protestations in an attempt to change her mind, get her to stay instead.

“Well don’t you look fucking pathetic?”

“No. Not you.” The smugness of the voice she hears, clearly revelling in the sight of Sharon, collapsed and defeated at her feet, kills any trust she had in her daughter. Because she could not have made a worse call than fucking Willam if she was really trying to provide her with any modicum of emotional support. When people told her having a kid would be the catalyst of her long impending breakdown, she’d never imagined this would be how. The little traitor.

The sound of stilettos, almost definitely red bottoms, grows louder and a pang of dread blossoms in her heart as she hears the woman approach, flippant and sarcastic in all the worst ways as she exclaims “Wow, okay. I thought we were friends!”

Sharon doesn’t have fucking time for her and her dumb games. “You thought wrong.”

Apparently Willam doesn’t have time for her either though, because her snickering suddenly stops, toes digging under Sharon’s side and then lifting as though trying to push her up, obviously to no avail.

“Get up.”

Sharon tries to ignore the way such a demand makes her jaw clench and muscles tighten somewhat.

“No,” she groans in response, long and whiny, determined to be as difficult for Willam as possible, to wield all her brattish and stubborn parts like a weapon and prolong the experience as much as she possibly can. It’s probably petty, definitely antagonistic, but she’s still frustrated and maybe Aquaria is smarter than she’d thought because she’d provided her mother with the greatest outlet - someone to wind up.

She relishes in the aggravated sigh she gets in return. “Get off the fucking floor and into that fucking hammock.”

The bite of the demand, the scratchy growl underlying in Willam’s voice as she speaks so plainly and apathetically, as though Sharon is nothing more than a mild inconvenience that won’t behave does something to Sharon. It’s the indifference of her voice, the way it essentially yells that she knows exactly what to do with Sharon, how to deal with her and why and that she has no doubt she’ll execute this control flawlessly causes a stir inside the woman, her teeth grinding ever so slightly and an involuntary shiver wracking her which seems to be the final straw.

Willam stamps her glitter Louboutins against the ground with enough force to snap the flimsy kitten heels in half, centimetres from Sharon’s head, her ankle brushing the outermost wisps of her hair in the movement and Sharon tries to ignore her body once again, biting back a whimper she knows would be pathetically high and embarrassingly needy as heat pools in her stomach. She mutters a resolute “fuck!” all hard vowels and spiked fricatives, finding comfort in the knowledge that Willam is just enough of a dumb blonde not to understand the true target of her exclamation.

Body protesting, she hauls herself to her feet and plods obediently over to the mesh hammock that hangs low in the corner of the room. Despite her best efforts, she has to admit that perhaps Willam did have a somewhat decent idea, collapsing into the fabric after feeling the pull of temptation deep in her stomach and letting out a small, audible groan at the way her body is so graciously welcomed. Her muscles relax, the brain fog and electric anger causing her current storm-like state beginning to ebb away as she closes her eyes, lies back and just breathes, deep, heavy, slow, and full, like she has all the time and all the oxygen in the world to enjoy. For just a moment, she forgets her not-quite-friend is even there, losing herself in the onslaught of sensations and sinking into her own, private, relaxed little haven of a world. Hell, for a moment she almost considers thanking Willam, a notion that leaves her head almost as immediately as it crosses it, the thought broken apart entirely by the interruption of none other than the woman of the hour herself.

“Cute.” In spite of their differences, Sharon has always found great pride in being the only one smart enough to be able to decipher Willam’s different tones and meanings, always picking up on a fake comment, sarcasm and every tiny emotion bitten back behind polite, uncharacteristic words. But when she says that one, tiny little word, Sharon is lost completely, unable to recognise whether it’s her own intrusive and self-absorbed thoughts causing her to detect a chink in Willam’s armour of sarcasm, some modicum of genuine emotion and belief behind the comment. Once again, however, she reminds herself that this is not the time nor place and pushes every thought stemming from it to be suffocated in a dark, faraway corner in her mind. She traps every branch within the area and blocks it up, pressing a label onto the jar of thoughts declaring it for a rainy day. She starts to miss her pre-Willam irritation as the woman clears her throat and continues. “...Anyway. Budge over.”

Still on autopilot, her body made of clay that moulds itself to Willam’s words, she finds herself obliging before she’s even really processed the words or what they imply, body shuffling closer to the window. With just a half-second of hesitation, Willam gracelessly kicks off her heels and plops herself right next to Sharon, a little off-centre so the hammock swings slightly as her shoulder collides with Sharon’s chest, grappling helplessly for an anchor to the rocking fabric and finding it, unfortunately, in Sharon’s t-shirt, her fingers clinging so tightly to the neckline that the tips dig into the soft flesh of her tits. A small part of Sharon - a wayward thought that had just about escaped the rainy day trap - secretly hopes that Willam has pressed hard enough to leave little marks in her skin, a visual reminder of her touch, the collision of her body with Sharon’s.

As the choppy movements of the hammock slow and eventually still, Willam begins to maneuver herself into a more comfortable position, rolling onto her front and overlapping the leg closest to her with her own. Her grip on Sharon’s top remains tight, her body seemingly trying to accommodate that one point of contact in the most convenient and comfortable way, resting her head atop and then above Sharon’s shoulder when the former doesn’t work out, face tilted towards her so that her breath bats softly against Sharon’s cheek and the slight bulge of her small chest pressed against Sharon’s left arm, rendering it dead and absolutely useless. Not that Sharon minds. Not that Sharon’s not going to pretend she does mind.

“Uh…. Will?” she asks cautiously, humiliated by the way her voice cracks ever so slightly, how overall delicate and gentle it sounds. Willam bumps against her in acknowledgement. Every part of her body that has the luxury of feeling Willam’s burns, the originally warm feeling growing more scalding and deadly the more she thinks about and accepts it. So she tries to amp it up a bit, this time almost obnoxiously loud and abrupt as she asks, “What the fuck are you doing?”

“Cuddling you.” She halts for a moment as though that’s it, a horrendously obvious and yet cryptic answer, smirking at Sharon’s disapproving frown. Apparently, the expression was yet another step too far, and the stirring in her stomach starts up once again, this time the heat a result of a chemical reaction as lust and fear mingle together in the most addictive of ways as Willam’s face hardens, eyes stony and cold, her whole demeanour, despite being wrapped around Sharon, clearly indicating her aggravation. When she speaks, it’s snappy and abrupt again, the Willam that Sharon knows and therefore knows how to deal with - a no-nonsense bitch with a heart layered with stone and gold that knows exactly what she’s doing and why, and that it’s not really any of your business, thank you very much.

“Fine!” she snaps, eyes rolling so hard it’s a wonder she doesn’t do herself permanent damage. “I tried to be nice about it!” Sharon isn’t sure whether to believe that, the push and pull between them being so off and inconsistent all day that she’s actually never felt more on edge around Willam yet somehow never felt more comfortable around her either. She’s not so sure how nice that really is. “Like it or not, you’re a repressed little dyke who’s throwing her toys out her pram like a fucking toddler because she needs a hug and she’s touch starved by other woman. I’m trying to deliver.”

This time, the heat that had been pooling in her stomach doesn’t burn her or frighten her, instead spreading through her body as an almighty warmth, accomplices to the warm arms that wrap around her as Willam finishes speaking. It’s horrifyingly difficult not to react, as always with Willam, for an entirely different reason. Because Sharon has always prided herself on understanding Willam and the emotions and messages underlying in her words, and this one is clear as day - Willam cares. She notices, knows Sharon even if neither of them like the thought of that, and cares enough to want to help even when she knows she’s going to get nothing good out of it️. Sharon had wondered why of all people Aquaria had approached Willam, but the painstaking tenderness of her words and her touch leaves her wondering whether Aquaria even asked her at all, a thought far too exhilarating for her to continue thinking. Nevertheless, she makes a mental note to thank her daughter when she eventually returns, considering that maybe the new sewing machine she’d been begging for isn’t too expensive after all. Her head spins as she bites back a grin, trying to return to her permanently antagonistic state and diffuse the tension between them so thick, palpable and tangible it feels like a weapon.

“This is still too weird.” Her tone is so unconvincing, so wobbly and quiet and indirect she doesn’t even believe herself. Willam snickers.

“Well suck it up, bitch, I’m not here to ruin your image! No one needs to know Emo Goddess 666 needs a good hug sometimes.” She shuffles closer, every bitchy and humorous facade long gone from her expression. The thought of such vulnerability and trust between them threatens to swallow Sharon whole. Willam winks, nosing at Sharon’s chin as the arm clutching Sharon’s shirt finally releases the garment and rests lazily over the woman’s waist, a warm, protective anchor against all the shit she’s thought all day, week, year. “Or that she gets them.”

This time Sharon hums, too content and heavy-lidded to try and muster up a response. In another universe, she corrects Willam, reminds her that she’s goth, not emo, biting her lip and squeezing her thighs together as Willam tells her to shut the fuck up before she makes her. In this universe, however, Willam accepts the hum as a sign of Sharon’s begrudging complacency and trust, the sparks of hope that signify a new beginning almost visible were it not for how deeply she’d buried her face into the crook of Sharon’s neck at this point, the two of them entangled as though they belong this way. And maybe they do, so Willam pushes her luck, it seems.

“Hey, how about a kiss too?”

[fluidityandgiggles]

Sleep Is For The Weak - Chapter 3

Previous Chapters: Prologue, Chapter 1, Last Chapter

Notes (I guess): This chapter was a nightmare to write but I’m just so happy I finished it. It also touches some subjects that will come up again in the future, for the sake of letting everyone process the events. I’ve experienced grief and it’s going to take a long time before this particular subject could be discussed again. See yourselves warned.

Again, credit to @broadwaytheanimatedseries for screaming at me to write this, and to @whatwashernameagain for Keep Him Safe, and also a tiny tiny lil bit to @anony-phangirl and @asleepybisexual for their general support and for being such great sports about me annoying them with my ideas… (oops).

(I’m trying to find a way to write my notes, so bear with me until I find a way that will stick. This will do for now.)

(KHS) Tag List (sort of): @em-be-lievable, @ultimate-queen-of-fandoms2, @adoratato, @supremestoverlord, @royallyanxious, @madly-handsome, @hanramz-the-fander, @the-incedible-sulk, @poisonedapples, @virge-of-a-breakdown, @winglessnymph, @princeanxious, @smokeyrutilequartz, @im-bad-at-life (if any of you could tag the rest, please do! I’m improving my memory from day to day, but… yeah…)

Tag list: @bunny222, @ab-artist, @secretlyanxiouspersona, @your-username-is-unavailable, @virgilcrofters

Trigger warning: period appropriate transphobia (the early 00s were not exactly trans-friendly). This chapter also includes discussion of two rather tragic (in my opinion) real-life events, and very few mentions of food.

—————

"Today, we're going to do things a bit differently."

Saturday, October 12th, 2002

"Raise your hand if the idea of coming out, even if you're already out, terrifies the living hell out of you."

Almost all hands flew up.

"Raise your hand if you understand the dangers of staying closeted too."

Pretty much everyone took their hands down. Only very few stayed.

"Last week," India said after a long breath, "we lost… the community lost one of our own. We… we lost someone to hate crime." She lowered her hand. Remy was almost in pain, seeing her try to talk about it. She called him last night, asking him if it's not going to be too much for him (and if so, she has another thing planned). "Gwen Araujo was seventeen when she died because she was outed as transgender in a party."

"Wasn't this released, like, two days ago?"

"Yes, and that's why I want to talk to you about this. Just… excuse me. I wrote it all down… it’s kind of a tough subject..."

It took India a minute to settle her voice, and another couple seconds to fumble with some papers. "I'll bet you all remember where you were when the World Trade Center fell in September eleventh last year." The room fell into silence. "I'll also bet none of you remember where you were on new year's eve in 1993."

Remy knew exactly where this was going.

"It could be because you were nine years old, which is the case for some of us, or you were already in bed by ten. I know my parents insisted that I'd go to bed by ten that night for a couple reasons. But on December thirty-first, 1993, we lost another member of the community. His story was turned into an Oscar-winning movie, but l can assure you none of you remember where you were when Brandon Teena was murdered for being born a girl."

The chatter was back. Remy could isolate some of the comments. Not most, just some. And it hurt. The ones he managed to isolate were not good, but one was much louder than the other.

"Can you really compare the murder of thousands to the death of just one person?"

"No I can't. But what you fail to realize here is that I'm not comparing anything here. I'm just trying to bring up a subject—"

"And you're using the tragedy of others to—"

"I lost family in September eleventh. I'm well aware of the tragedy. I'm also aware of the fact that transgender people are killed at ridiculous rates and this is something we should discuss!"

The silence after that was incredibly unbearable. India was close to tears, and Remy… as much as he wanted to go hug her, he couldn't.

It was that painful.

"Today's topic was supposed to be discrimination and hate," Remy heard someone shouting into the air - one of the juniors probably. "We do this conversation every year. Please listen to what the poor girl has to say. She's only volunteering to do this, on top of—"

"That's okay, Chris. I don't need an advocate."

It was going to be a long meeting, and Remy was not looking forward to it.

—

"I'm sorry I didn't speak today."

"You did alright. Sometimes doing nothing is a good thing."

India was incredibly frustrated when they finally got to Kirkland House. Remy insisted on going with her, to make sure that nothing else happened. She called him a gentleman for doing that.

It was sweet of her.

She ranted a bit about a guy who lived on the same floor as her (Jared Kushner or something) who was a dick to her and tried flirting with her girlfriend all the time, she told him that she applied to get a master's degree in forensics at Georgetown after graduation, and then they reached Kirkland House.

"You can get back to Harvard Yard from here, right?"

"Of course. Who do you think I am?"

India kissed his cheek and waved goodbye, and went into Kirkland House. And then Remy was alone. Well, not entirely, he still had to go back to Weld Hall and call his dad, but…

He was alone.

The yard wasn't as crowded as it was earlier and the weather was cooling down considerably, the leaves were changing… Harvard Yard was a beautiful place in the fall, Remy learned quickly enough.

He had very little time to process his thoughts when he was almost tackled to the ground by a tiny blonde kid almost running in the direction of the exit. Aka, the main road.

"How is it that when we're outside of class we keep running into each other in the weirdest ways?"

"That's less weird than how my grandparents met," Emile said, breathless.

"Not what I said, babe."

"No, really! My grandpa was coming back to Amsterdam from London just as my grandma was on her way to London straight out of Auschwitz, and—"

"Can we keep this story for another time?"

"...sure." Emile gave Remy a half-smile. "So… I kinda have to go to Party City. I need to stock up for Halloween."

"Didn't you go there two weeks ago?"

"Yes, but they didn't have this one thing I really needed, and I kinda forgot a couple other things, so they told me they'd call when they got that thing they didn't have, so I'm going to pick it up!" He was… incredibly jumpy today. It was rather endearing. "You wanna come? We can go get pizza."

"What thing are you missing, exactly?"

"A wig! I'm gonna be Kim Possible."

He was so excited… Remy started feeling bad for being this confused.

"...what?"

"Kim Possible! Don't you— you know what, it's okay if you don't know. It only came out in June anyway." The half-smile turned into a full, bright one. He was adorable. "So, you wanna come with me?"

...well, he had nothing better to do for now.

"Sure, sunshine. But I need to get my wallet and phone first."

"Yay! Anyway, so Kim Possible is this show, it's on the Disney Channel but trust me it's not that bad… "

—

Emile was growing on Remy more and more each day. And… he may have started getting interested in Kim Possible after going out for pizza with him. The never ending energy was growing on him in a way. It was impossible not to like his enthusiasm, and…

Yeah, he was starting to grow on Remy.

"So, now, lucky that I'm vegetarian, right?" Emile said as he took his third slice of pizza. "So at least I have some sort of excuse, at least according to my aunt, but we just keep having to explain to them what kosher means and—"

"Are we still talking about your sister, Emile?"

"What?"

"We were talking about your sister and then you started talking about… well…"

"Oh! Yeah, sorry!"

"Please stop apologizing. You're not doing anything wrong."

"Right. Umm… so… Doctor Gilliam suggested I might want to get evaluated at the psych clinic sometime soon," Emile mumbled, straightening his glasses. Slightly more closed off. Making Remy feel real guilty. "I don't… I don't know why, but he said I might want to."

"And you're just gonna take him up on that?"

"Yeah? No? I don't know. I'm only sixteen, honestly, I'm gonna have to talk to my parents about this."

Sixteen?!

"Yeah, I thought I told you!"

...shit. He spoke out loud. Shit.

"I'll be seventeen in December. But… never mind. Do you think I should listen to him? About the evaluation?"

"I have, like… no idea."

The way back to Cambridge was full of even more chatter about everything and nothing, and Remy couldn't put in a word. Not that it mattered anyway. Emile was interesting.

Remy gave his input whenever he could, but he would much rather listen to Emile talk. He had an adorable voice

—

"You didn't call me last week, kiddo. Found yourself a guy?"

"Dad, please…"

"Do you think you're going to take her up on that offer?"

"Dad, daddy, papa, David, any normal person when answering the phone would ask how are you doing. Not if you hooked up with a guy or if you're going to babysit your sisters who you've never met just because your bitch of a woman who birthed you asked you to."

"When have we ever done anything normal, Remy?"

"Well… true. But no, I'm not going to take her up on that offer. I don't really care, to be honest."

"They're your sisters."

"And so is India but you don't see me trying to—"

"You haven't told me much about her, kid."

"Well… she's not doing okay lately. Did you see the news? About that girl in California?"

"Edward Araujo?"

"Gwen."

"Right. Sorry. It's just… the news."

"It's okay. But… India is losing it over this case. And honestly… I get her. It's terrifying to see someone of your kin just…"

"You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to. But really, did you hook up with anyone?"

"Nah. Dad, I'm eighteen. I'm not you."

"Hey, your mom got pregnant with you because of this one time when we were seniors when she had an empty house this one week in December and threw away my condoms when I tried to—"

"Dad, that's disgusting and please don't bring this up ever again."

"Got it. But anyway?"

"...there's a guy in my major, his name is Emile—"

"You gonna ask him out?"

"Dad, no! He's sixteen."

"And he's a psychology major?!"

"I asked myself the same question. But yes. He is."

"Well, I mean… he's within the appropriate age range for you. I guess."

"...what is it about I don't want a relationship at this stage of my life didn't you hear?"

"You're eighteen, Remy! One day you're gonna find someone and—"

"That's the thing. I'm eighteen. I have many more years ahead of me."

"Okay. Whatever you say. Any other boys I should know about? Girls, too, if you're into them now?"

"Just… this one guy. His name is Chris, he's a bit older… I don't know. Should I really be talking to you about this? You're my dad!"

"Am I not allowed to be interested in my son's love life anymore?"

"You weren't this interested in it when I was in high school."

A long sigh. "Remy…"

"I know you're worried, Dad. Believe me, I do. But I'm doing just fine! Rashida has dance parties every Wednesday for some reason so we bond over that, Lucy is basically just my map to going everywhere, we haven't hung out that much, Sammy is being a cutie all the time and Katherine is obsessed with everything. She really likes Emile's bunny for some reason and keeps talking about how her niece and nephew would absolutely love it. Her niece is two years old! I just…"

"Sounds to me like you're making friends."

"Well… yesterday I went with Emile to Party City. I don't know what I'm doing for Halloween this year, but…"

"What was that you just said?"

"If all goes right, I'll be Jack Skellington. But I don't have a backup."

"What would you need a backup for? You'll do great!"

"So, how's your girlfriend?"

"Eh, I don't know. Elaine isn't… that… you know."

"I'm sure she's absolutely lovely."

"Yeah, so was I. Can't wait for you to meet her."

"Can't wait either."

"...are you sure you don't want to babysit Linda's girls?"

"Dad!"

"Just asking!"

[noagayofscania]

I think it’s about time I do this, I definitely do not just have a random surge of motivation.

Well here we go! The name is Noa, but you can call me Shrimpzhu or Shrimps if you wish, I am an author, and the writer of “A Saddended Symphony” a erotic fantasy LGBTQ+ book and “The Crow And The Wolf” an angsty semi-fantasy book, both of these books have not yet released and will not release for a good few years.

However, outside of my books, I enjoy writing poetry so you’ll get the fair share of Poetry on here and OC lore, I have..so many Oc’s it’s insane okay, all of these Oc’s I work hard to fully build and develop, and most of the time this writing I either, 1. Don’t share it or 2. Send it to friends, 3. Rant to @long-furby6 about it in they’re ask’s like it’s my last day with my left hand.

So this entire slam of chaos will basically just be..Genshin Oc Lore (MiHoYo hire me), Non Genshin Oc Lore, Oc Crossovers, Occasional Oc x reader when I’m feeling bored, Poetry, Genshin Oc Poetry, Oc Poetry, Random book stuff, Oc chaos, Oc crossover chaos, Angst, so much angst, Fluff when I’m feeling nice, Pure crack, artwork and..just about anything that catches my interest or becomes my hyperfixation basically, for my art I use Procreate on iPadOS 15.4.1 and an Apple Pencil.

You can find me On social media on, Instagram (@/zelda_eventing546) and Discord (Shrimpzhu (It/It’s)#8658), I used to have Twitter, key word, USED I do not have Twitter anymore do not try to find me on Twitter and if you miraculously do I will not respond to anything<3

I am 19 years old, Birthday is May 8th, Born 2003, Native Scania, I speak English, Swedish and Some Japanese.

I play League Of Angels: Chaos, Genshin Impact, Obey Me, Chronicle, Honkai Impact, Project Sekai, Orzmic, CRK, CROB, DOL and whatever the fuck catches my attention.

I am an Athiest, I have ADHD, Autism, Anger Issues, Anixety, Depression and maybe Bipolar disorder.

My house is an entire zoo at this rate.

Wait did I mention Insomnia, Sleep paralysis and Hallucinations both Auditory and Visual, holy shit am I a scrapped OC??

I am Lesbian, Agender, Aroace, Poly and very taken.

Before anyone comes at me for Aroace and being in a relationship + Poly, we’ll Aromantic for me is that romantic attraction is extremely rare for me, it’s not impossible for me to fall in love romantically but it’s uncommon and unlikely I do not lack it completely but it is rare for me to fall in love without it just being platonic, Asexual for me is that I don’t need S*x nor do I crave it I can live completely fine without it, yeah it feels good but it’s not like I would breakdown over not having it, if it makes my partner feel good it makes me happy that’s it.

I use It/It’s pronouns, I don’t identify with a specific gender (Hense why I’m Agender) so please do not refer to me as such-

I won’t have a specific posting schedule, if I post I post if I don’t? I don’t, simple as that.

Not going to force myself to write something if I don’t want too, that’ll only kill my motivation more, thank you next.

I am allergic to chocolate, fun times and I drink ice tea like it’s my only lifeline<3

My girlfriend is monogamous, I am poly she is aware of this, she is okay with it, simply in my relationship with my GF I don’t date other people it’s a simple concept, if a Poly person can do it so can you Jacob.

Do not ask me about my dead name, do not ask me what my dead name is, it is a dead name for a reason.

My biological sex does not matter if we’re not talking about biology and health, my genitals aren’t your business and they do not equal my gender.

Gender is fluid, biological sex is not.

No there is not just 2 biological sexes, there are 6 scientifically recognized ones.

Why Therapy, when Sappho.

Alright that’s all my gay ass has the energy to write, goodbye.

Will be surprised if someone actually sees this, but like hey if you do.

Okay okay goodbye.

[celticheartedfangirl]

Some commentary on the S4 Episode of OUAT -- The Apprentice . . . .

I wanted to unpack this episode, and my feelings about it, to accompany @sieben9’s watching of it, and thought this would be better than reblogging their post.  They know that I’m posting this, and are aware that it will be snarky, bitchy, and negative, so please don’t go pestering their inbox with “oh don’t listen to that bitch, she’s a bitch” because A) they KNOW THIS already (it’s not a fact I’ve hidden from ANYONE) and B) again – they know I’m making this post instead of reblogging theirs and that it’s not going to be all glee and squee.  

This episode is one I have never revisited.  (To be fair, I’ve not revisited MOST of the episodes from S4 on.)  But this one is forever seared onto my brain.  This is a LONG POST so under the cut . . . . .

 This episode was a turning point for me for 4 reasons:

 1)      I got a CLEAR PICTURE of what trajectory Rumbelle was on (as a pairing AND as individual characters) and I wasn’t happy

2)      I got a CLEAR PICTURE of the Hook trajectory and again – I wasn’t happy

3)      What VERY LITTLE remaining respect and/or admiration I retained for Adam and Eddy (which was not much at this point) VANISHED after this episode aired

4)      This episode forever changed the fandom dynamic for me

Now . . . . . let’s unpack this and start with #1 . . . . Rumbelle.

Rumbelle had just gotten married, and up until this point, aside from E1 with the dance (which to ME, although it was lovely and wonderful, also screamed “HEY!!!! FROZEN FANS JUST NOW WATCHING!  LOOK! IT’S BEAUTY AND THE BEAST!  YOU KNOW THEM!!!!”), we’ve gotten pretty much NOTHING for them.  So . . . . . . . let’s chat about the dock scene.

 Yes, that DELETED DOCK SCENE.  This one right here:

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELkuD6zpZ2U

And look at that – not even cleaned up.  Which tells me that A&E decided to CUT THIS SCENE – this 37 second scene that they could NOT SPARE 37 SECONDS FOR – before they even started the editing process. Because otherwise – this would be a cleaned up scene.

And we wouldn’t even know it EXISTED if it hadn’t been for the fact that it was an outdoor scene and there were a FUCK TON of people on site that day taking photos.  

LOOK AT ALL THE BTS:

http://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/95364011977/attackontaetan-emilie-de-ravin-robert-carlyle 

http://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/95373664507/you-guys-this-episode-wont-air-until-october-19

http://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/95364068497/betsypaige22-thatravenclawbitch

http://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/95373377122/tjmystic-rumbelleotp-on-scene-pics-update

http://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/95396861777/scififantasytv-robert-emilie-filming-aug-20

http://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/95397126162/ouatwholock-august-20th-4x04-filming-x-i

http://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/95395846932/vicieinatv-aaaaah-kiss-rumbelle

http://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/95327102332/myaussiebelle-rumplestiltskin-rumbelle

http://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/95327345502/fairytaleasoldastime-emilie-de-ravin-and-robert

http://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/95320025497/delintthedarkone-itssandgirl-can-i-just-say

http://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/95327073767/lulices-rumbelle-cuddling

And of course, my personal favorite:

http://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/95468578777/mrgoldsdearie-ouatcrack-he-does-things-to

I’d say I’m sorry for that last one but . . . . I’m really not so . . . .

Anyhow . . . the Rumbelle fandom was so excited about this scene.  Cause we’d had these BTS photos for WEEKS . . . and then they just . . . . CUT IT . . .

And Adam posted it on Twitter two weeks later because the Rumbelle fandom had a collective shit fit directed at him and he basically wanted to shut us the hell up.

And this all makes me wonder . . . .  what ELSE had they filmed up to this point that we’ll never see?  Because it’s OBVIOUS that at some point, between Episode 1 and Episode 4 – they changed the trajectory of what the had in store for Rumple, Belle, and Rumbelle.

Why, you ask?  Well first of all – don’t forget that in E2, they cut that scene with Rumple and Henry.  A scene that Bobby GUSHED ABOUT at SDCC (starts at 1:40):

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jqYngk_12Sw

Also Bobby talked about Rumple being ADDICTED TO MAGIC several times at SDCC.  Here’s one example (mentions it at the end):  

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-OCtgv4nX24

So . . . . . what we’re seeing to this point is so far TWO significant scenes that show Rumple as a caring human being have been CUT, one of them before the editing process even began.

And if they’re telling an addiction story . . . . . they’re sure as fuck not SHOWING US that here. They’re showing us Rumple being shady and an asshole . . . . but they’re not showing us addiction.  And even though Bobby is PLAYING IT that way . . . . . most viewers don’t do subtle.  The narrative must CLEARLY and UNEQUIVOCALLY TELL US that this is, in fact, what is going on.  And it doesn’t.  

Also – Belle has BARELY been on, and when she has been, it’s with Rumple.  I mean . . . . . gee, it’s like they don’t know what to DO with her without Rumple . . . . . . amazing that the fandom, at this point, has LOTS of ideas . .  . but the people who get paid for it?  Nothing.

So anyhow – that’s point ONE.

Onto point TWO . . . .

By now, we get it. They want Hook front and center. He is their pet, they want to go with Captain Swan.  Okay. But here’s another instance of “SHOW DON’T TELL.”  Having Hook follow Emma around like a lost puppy and just standing there isn’t TELLING. And also Emma has already had scenes with Regina and Elsa so far this season that show WAY more chemistry than any of the schmoopy shit they’re giving us with Emma and Hook.  

But here’s the kicker – instead of – you know – actually putting Hook on an actual, real, redemption arc – it just seems WAY easier to have him bully and blackmail Rumple (to get his HAND BACK so that he can play grab and tickle with his new boo without stabbing her, BTW) and make it look like RUMPLE is the baddie and Hook is just trying to be a good guy.  Basically they’re tearing down Rumple to prop up Hook.  Instead of showing Rumple’s struggle with addiction and Hook’s struggle with dealing with all the criminal shit he’s done in the past – THIS is the path they’re going with.  This is a disservice to BOTH characters.  And this episode, combined with the aforementioned factors, told me that yup, we’re doing this.  Because . . . .

Point THREE . . . . .

These writers are lazy as fuck and don’t want to be bothered writing complexity for literally ANYONE. Let’s not even discuss my issues with the Rumple trajectory.  Let’s look at Emma and her stupid little Pink Sandra Dee dress and the Charmings fawning over their damn date with a polaroid camera.

Who ARE these people? Did someone do a body swap with the Charming family?  Because that was some serious OOC shit, and for what?  To PROP UP HOOK.  So not only are they making Rumple an ass to prop the pirate, they’re making Emma and her parents into people I don’t recognize.  Because A&E are gross and seem to think that a woman must look and act a ‘certain way’ in order for a manly man like Hook to want to date her.  (I swear there’s some quote out there about “Hook makes Emma feminine” or some shit like that post-this episode.  Anyone have that link?)

Can you say misogynist?

And FOUR . . . . fandom . . . . . *sigh*

First of all, and example of post-episode banter from the pro Hook brigade:

http://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/101264943652/killian-wasnt-making-a-death-threat-against

So that was fun.  Now let’s move onto the Rumbelle fandom and a variety of commentary:

http://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/100465938827/so-it-doesnt-bother-you-that-while-gold-is

http://pamchenko-twist.tumblr.com/post/100272360750/mentemmortalia-if-the-writers-want-to-turn

http://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/100460351767/so-are-they-cutting-that-cute-little-romantic

http://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/100466470197/you-are-not-a-real-rumbeller-please-leave-your

http://thestraggletag.tumblr.com/post/100604059906/somewhat-pessimist-mini-rant-below-more-i

http://pamchenko-twist.tumblr.com/post/100608988655/charmedrumbelle-cartoonjessie

So the above is a mix of positive, negative, and general frustration.  

But THESE were the kicker for me (this is ME):

http://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/100499172547/thatravenclawbitch-spottytonguedog

http://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/100497962147/you-know-what-i-dont-know-what-is-more-hurtful

This is kind of the beginning of my PERSONAL trajectory within the fandom  . . . . . . . FYI . . .

This was the point where I realized that I was watching a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT SHOW than about half of the fandom . . . . . . . .

All of the above posts were written post-episode 4.  

So I walked away from E4 frustrated about Rumple, Belle, Rumbelle, the propping of Hook, the shitty writers and their inability to write a complex story, and the obvious to me early beginnings of the breakdown of the Rumbelle fandom.  

Of course I had no idea what was coming, nor am I going to say because I know @sieben9 is spoiler free.

I just wanted them (and others who may have come in late in the game) to have a full grasp of WHY this episode, which in hindsight probably isn’t THAT BAD, was a turning point for me and many others.  Cause I know I’m not alone.

On the PLUS SIDE . . . . . we did get some lovely dock scene fan art:

http://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/100698762707/spottytonguedog-delintthedarkone-the-lost

http://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/101345237832/retrogrlfan-rip-docks-scene

And some ‘let’s make fun of Hook’ stuff which is always amusing:

http://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/100594138302/winterelf86-mathematicaltardistime-this-is-a

Look, I obviously kept watching the show.  But this episode?  It was just NEVER THE SAME FOR ME after this.  

[returnofismasm]

Boy oh boy, I’ve been sitting on this for awhile, and certain events of yesterday made it hit a boiling point.  Note for the interested:  Cherrypicking someone’s posts to demonize them is kind of douche-y, especially when they’re trying to have a dialogue and you derailed it to do so.  Cool?  Cool.

I have been deeply, deeply frustrated by the way the fanbase and sometimes even the narrative have treated Scanlan, especially in regard to some of the, shall we say, unsavory things he’s done.  Now, I’m tagging this “Scanlan Shorthalt critical”, “cr wank” and “cr fandom critical” and putting the relevant venting behind a cut, to do my best to get this off my chest without bothering people who just want to enjoy our gnome bard in peace.  

Okay, here we go!

I’m getting very sick of the “poor bullied Scanlan” narrative.  It’s old.  It’s not true.  It’s even worse when it’s attached to “big bad Percy and his fanbase makes so many excuses for him” cause a.  Percy fans are usually perfectly aware of the shitty things he does, we just contextualize him, and most everyone I saw was willing to give Scanlan the same benefit of the doubt when it came to things he did during his own breakdown and b. Nearly everything bad that Scanlan does is chalked up to “It’s a joke!” but like so, so many people.  Not just hardcore Scanlan fans, but by the fanbase in general and sometimes even the show itself.

Like, really?!  Taking a dump on someone’s bed is one thing, Scanlan is the king of potty humor, but the mind magic is something quite different. (Oh wait, I forgot, we’re not allowed to talk about that!) There are instances when I get it, in and “end justifies the means” kind of way.  Both instances with Grog and evil swords, for instance, or Percy and the List.  Even Percy admitted he was right about that one.  Or preventing them from being enslaved or killed by the City of Brass.  I’m even going to leave aside Jarrett, because if I’m going to contextualize Percy’s shitty actions, the least I could do is extend Scanlan the same courtesy.

But there is absolutely nothing funny about Kima, except maybe the part where she hit him in the head with hammer.  Both instances!  Unless you guys are forgetting the part where he cast Suggestion on her to try to be Grog’s wingman.  Ew.  Hardcore ew.  And yes, Scanlan did later admit he treated women poorly and apologized.  But only to Pike.  Only ever to Pike.  And the second instance, with Modify Memory, took place after that point, and Scanlan went into a sulk about it because, what?  Kima can’t take a joke?  Can’t say I blame her.

Or hell, and yes, I’m going there, sue me, the thing with Percy after they got back from the Feywild.  Why the hell was it a nymph orgy?  Scanlan got pretty damn lucky that Percy’s psychological minefield didn’t have any triggers related to sexual assault (or at least, that Taliesin didn’t want to go there in what was a relatively lighthearted scene, ymmv) or that could have gone very, very poorly.  But you know what Percy does have?  Bad experience with memory loss. And Scanlan knows this, cause Percy told everyone but Tiberius this when they confronted him at the start of the Briarwood arc.  And yes, his insight is pretty bad, but I’m going to try not to insult Scanlan by saying his insight is THAT bad.

And finally on this Modify Memory breakdown rant, Vex’ahlia.  I know that Vex didn’t make a big stink of it, but here’s the thing.  She desperately wanted Scanlan to stay.  She have done anything to avoid rocking the boat.  How well do you think that knowledge would go over with Vax?  Or Pike?  Or Percy? Sharing that information with the rest of the team probably WOULD have driven Scanlan away.

And he still kept calling her greedy!  Right up until the end, and long after everyone else stopped.  To Pelor, even.  When for all appearances, they were persuading His Divine Asshole to spare her life.  And seriously, Scanlan spent time starving too.  You’d think he’d have some sympathy.  If Scanlan needed to apologize to anyone, it was Vex, but he never did, because Vex never made him think he needed to.

And I probably wouldn’t be so pissed about it if these actions weren’t dismissed by the way Scanlan is treated in the narrative too.  Percy got called out on his shit by the party at several occasions, and by two separate goddesses.  But no one ever said anything to Scanlan. The closest we even got was the scathing look from that one Planetar.  But hell, everyone with Pelor was Lawful Asshole, so who cares, right?

Here’s the thing, I love Scanlan.  I really do.  And the fact that he constantly gets away with this shit because he’s just that lovable funny man kills me, because frankly, it’s insulting to Scanlan.  What, is he not smart enough to know when a joke is cruel and not funny?  Wasn’t treating him as just the funny man one of the reasons he broke down in the first place?