#i wish people would let me know they want me to blow them irl by the rainbow leading me to their dicks

[bigcatbulges]

Source - FantineStudio

(Artist's FurAffinity Picarto Twitch and personal website)

[abbeybutnottheroad]

New Year, New Mistakes

Y/N is attending her best friend’s new year eves party, where she meets Harry, who seems like quite an asshole if she should say so herself. But she goes home with him anyways, because even though he is an arrogant son of a bitch, we still like him.

Pairing: Y/N & Harry

Warnings: Annoying harry;) Smut ft. Kitchen sex. Unprotected sex! pls don’t do that irl. 

Wordcount: 7902

Hope you enjoy!

And Happy New Years.

Joining the new year, a lot of people choose to live by the words “new year, new me”.

You’d lived through enough New Year Eves to know, that promise was a load of crap. Because let’s face it, nobody changes over night. No, that happens through lots of commitment, hard work, consistency, and motivation. It can take months, years, and that’s if you even change at all.

Nevertheless, you found yourself standing out on the balcony of your best friend’s apartment, unnecessarily loud music and people shouting from the party going on behind you, promising yourself just that. New year, new you. 

You looked over the many city lights flickering in front of you, joined by an illuminated sky above filled with fireworks in every colour imaginable and various shapes. A glass of champagne rested in your right hand while your left clenched around the cold iron railing. You took a deep breath as you heard the countdown beginning.

“TEN, NINE, EIGHT”

This was it, the final seconds of a year you honestly thought would never end.

“SEVEN, SIX, FIVE”

The final seconds before a whole new year opened in front of you, laying like white, fresh, untread snow at your feet.

“FOUR, THREE, TWO.”

The final second before a new chance at being you.

“ONE! HAPPY NEW YEAR!”

You couldn’t help but smile at the many euphoric voices erupting behind you. Lifting the glass of champagne to your lips, you whispered a happy new year Y/N, before downing the whole thing.

Soon after a sudden blow came from behind, pushing you further into the railing, and two arms squeezed around your stomach, inviting you into their warm embrace.

“Happy new year, to my favourite person in the whole world.” Nora’s sweet voice whispered into your ear, before you felt a kiss on your left cheek.

“Happy new year to my second favourite person in the whole world.” You whispered back to her, chuckling when you saw the much-expected pout on her face.

“Heeey, who beat me?” she whined.

You shrugged before casually explaining. “You know no one compares to Keanu Reeves, honey. I’m sorry.”

Nora retracted herself, to stand beside you. “No, I know. I don’t know what in the world I was thinking, silly me.” she sighed defeatedly. “At least I’m second.”

“And nobody could ever beat you to that, I promise.” You smiled, kissing her on the cheek as well, returning the sweet gesture.

“What are you doing out here all alone? It’s freezing.”

It was freezing indeed, and your little red satin dress was not doing a great job at keeping you warm. But what did that matter when you at least looked hot.

“I just needed to gather my thoughts a bit, I guess.”

“I’m sorry if I ruined a moment hon, like if you just wanted to start the new year by yourself?” Nora said, grabbing your hand that was still holding the railing. You turned it so you could intertwine your fingers with hers.

“I think I more so wanted to end the old year by myself, rather than I wanted to start the new year by myself. You know your company is always welcome.”

“Yeah, I know.” She assured, squeezing your hand a bit tighter.”

“NORA, JIMMY IS THROWING UP!”

You both turned to look through the glass sliding doors that opened into the apartment.  Your mutual friend Hannah was mushed up against them, banging on the glass with her hand, desperately trying to get Nora’s attention.

Nora chuckled, while slightly shaking her head, at the mentioning of her boyfriend already being sick so early in the party.

“I swear to god I should’ve made a bet with someone about this” she muttered, before making her way back into the living room.

You wished her good luck to which she turned around and blew you a kiss, closing the sliding door behind her.

You got lost in your thoughts again, enchanted by the fireworks and the champagne having gotten to your head. You failed to notice another person joining you on the balcony, until they spoke up beside you.

“You fancy a cigarette?”

You jumped a little, startled by the unexpected approach. The first thing you saw as you looked in the direction of the voice, was a worn pack of cigarettes presented in front of you by a hand with a little cross at the thumb. You looked further up, following the tuxedo covered arm all the way up to the face of the man who had appeared.

A slight smirk was visible on his lips, probably amused by your reaction. His eyes scanned over your face, as you looked back, scanning over his as well.

After a couple of seconds his right eyebrow raised, a silent reminder about the question you yet hadn’t answered, and his hand impatiently shook the pack still held out in front of him.

“Oh, no, no thank you,” You shook your head “I don’t smoke.”

“All right,” he said, putting the pack up to his mouth, grabbing one of the cigarettes between his lips, pulling it out. “Just for me then,” He muttered, making the cigarette now caught between his lips tilt slightly as he spoke. He took a lighter from his front pocket, flexing his jaw as he concentrated on lighting the smoke, a satisfying puff leaving him as he succeeded, replacing both items back in the same pocket.

You looked away from him again, needing to focus on something else, as you were sure you’d never seen anyone smoking a cigarette making it that attractive.

You were quiet for a while, as he seemed to be enjoying the view as well. The fireworks had died down a bit more, but still appeared occasionally. Your thoughts were going a mile an hour. Had he been wanting to be alone out here just like you had? Did he want you to leave but was just too polite to say it? Would it be awkward if you just left without saying anything? Should you introduce yourself?

What a great way to be a “new you” this year Y/N, not at all awkward.

You were starting to get cold, feeling yourself shaking a bit, so you figured you might as well make your way inside before you got pneumonia. But the mystery man spoke up again before you could.

“This is going to sound so cliché.” He sighed, squinting his eyes, sounding tired of himself before he’d even finished what he was going to say, but turned to look at you and continued, nonetheless.

“But I can tell you’re freezing your ass off, so if you insist on staying out here, would you at least let me offer you, my jacket?”

His kind offer took you completely by surprise and for a couple of seconds you didn’t really know what to say as you yet hadn’t comprehended his words fully.

“I, uhm, that’s… that’s very kind of you. But… won’t, wont’ you be cold then?” You stammered, unsure of how to respond to such an offer from a stranger.

He chuckled at that, almost condescendingly. “Can’t be as much as you already are love.” He took another drag of the cigarette, once again waiting impatiently for you to answer. He seemed to be very impatient in general.

Something about his attitude provoked you though, and you thought it better not to make closer relations with him. New year, new you. You’d had enough of his kind in the past, enough of controlling men, enough of bad attitudes, enough of playboys.

“I’m fine, really. Thank you though.” You gritted, sending him a forced smile, hoping he would take the hint and leave you alone.

He didn’t.

“That was the wrong answer.”  He tutted, still a condescending tone hiding behind his words.

“Excuse me?” you turned your head to face him, no longer understanding the interaction you were having.

“See, I made it a question to be polite, because I don’t know you, but what I meant was this: You’re either going to put my jacket on, or I will, one, put it on you, for you, or two, carry you back inside.”

The pure audacity of this man was beyond you, and it honestly left you quite speechless. Who in the world did the think he was talking to you like that? You couldn’t tell if he was in fact serious or offended by your rejection. Maybe both.

“Is that a threat?” You asked, now having turned your body so you were facing him completely.

He rolled his eyes like it was the most ridiculous thing he’d ever heard, before mirroring your gesture. “Do you feel threatened?”

“More so, I feel offended. I’m a grown woman, I can make decisions for myself, thank you very much.”

“Apparently you can’t, since you’re out here about to pass out from hypothermia.” He muttered under his breath, keeping his voice annoyingly calm, even though you were about to rip your hair out from annoyance.

“And what if that is an active decision I’ve made, huh? What if I want to pass out from hypothermia?” You knew how you sounded, like a complete moron. But you needed to make a point, nonetheless.

“Well then you shouldn’t make decisions for yourself.” He hissed; a trace of frustration now distinguishable in his voice as well. He took a last puff of the cigarette before throwing it off the roof, keeping eye contact with you. “So, which will it be?”

“I think I’ll voluntarily go back inside if it means getting away from you.”

His eyebrows furrowed for only a second, before he nodded in approval.

You didn’t wait for him to say anything else, just turned around and stomped unnecessarily hard with your heels, getting away from him as fast as possible. You were equally annoyed at him for ruining your idyllic new year’s mood, equally annoyed at yourself for letting him patronize you like that.

You pushed the glass door to the side, treading into the warmth of the living room. The before muffled background noise, now became loud and clear. People dancing, singing along to the music, talking, the smell of liquor, beer and a dozen different perfumes all mixed together overwhelmed your senses, a complete contrast to the cold evening air and the occasional sound of fireworks. It didn’t take long for you to conclude, that you needed a drink.

“What did you and Harry talk about?” Nora asked, standing on the other side of the kitchen island, filled with various liquor bottles and mixer options, available to make just about every cocktail you could imagine.

She had finally convinced Jimmy it would be best if he went to bed, though he was adamant on staying up until midnight, to which Nora kindly so had to explain to him, baby, midnight was half an hour ago.

“So that’s his name. You know that asshole?” You asked, greatly occupied by debating whether or not you should poor more vodka into your glass.

“Honey, it’s my party. I invited him.”

You decided to poor more.

“So… what did you talk about?” she continued when you didn’t answer. You skimmed over her face quickly, barely lifting your head.

“Oh, come on!” Curiousness was evident in her eyes as she leaned on the table with both elbows, resting her head in her hands. “You were out there for quite a while; you must have talked about something? I know him well enough to know, that he couldn’t have resisted making a move on you.”

You put the bottle of tonic down, quietly cutting a lemon in half, squeezing the juice into your cocktail and stirred it around a bit, successfully having made a vodka tonic. You took a much-craved sip before answering.

“I think he most likely was trying to get rid of me. And he succeeded big time.”

“Was he that bad?”

“Very patronizing.”

“That’s just how he is. Harry’s very… bad-tempered and used to getting his way.” She reasoned.

“Someone should tell him not to be like that then. It’s very uncharismatic.” You said, which made Nora lose her smile.

“Look, he has had a very though youth, he doesn’t always really know how to interact with people. But he always means well. I promise.”

“How do you even know him?” You asked, curious as to why she was so keen on standing up for the guy.

“He’s my boss.”

You nearly spit out your drink.

“He’s what? Have I just talked that way to your boss?” You panicked, worried that you could get your best friend fired from how you’d treated him.

“Well, he is not directly my boss, only kind of. I mean, he technically owns the company that I run. But he rarely ever interferes with anything. He’s become my friend during the past couple of months, he has been getting a lot more involved actually.”  

You didn’t think your eyes could widen any more, but even so, they did.

“Oh my god, I think I’m going to be sick. I talked to him like that, and he is your boss.” You whisper-yelled

While you were freaking out, Nora had walked around the kitchen island, making her way over to you. She laid a comforting hand on your back trying to get you to calm down. 

“Honey, nothing justifies him disrespecting, I was just trying to give you an explanation for his behaviour because it seemed like you were looking for one.”

“Yeah, I guess I was. But I wasn’t counting on that. I should really apologize so you won’t get in trouble.” You managed to reason between erratic sips of your drink.

“No hey, you have nothing to apologize for, you didn’t know, you didn’t do anything wrong. Remember, new year, new you. Which includes to stop apologizing for things that doesn’t need to be apologized for.”

Nora had this way of being both unconditionally kind to even the biggest assholes, and simultaneously knowing how to stand up for herself (and the people she loves) in a very considerate way. She acknowledges that it isn’t always people’s own fault that they are assholes, but still doesn’t let them excuse any bad behaviour because of it. She was your role model.

“But go on, over to him. Ask him about it.” She urged, nodding in the direction of the balcony where he was still standing. He was leaning with his arms on the railing, head bend up towards the sky.

“Are you insane? I’m not going to go over to your boss and ask him about his troubled youth. Are you trying to get yourself fired?”

“I think he would love to talk to you.” She sang.

“And I think you’re drunker than I thought.”

“Suit yourself, you’re just postponing the inevitable.”

You were three vodka tonics in and had during the last hour or so subconsciously kept an eye on Harry. You weren’t trying to fool yourself; he was very pleasing to look at. And to your annoyance, something about him had piqued your interest. Maybe it was his impressive lack of communication skills, or let’s face it, his annoyingly handsome face, awakening a skin hunger within you.

You were still standing by the kitchen island with a few other people, having a clear view of the rest of the party going on in the living room. Harry was standing with a couple of guys you didn’t know but assumed worked at the same company as him and Nora. They seemed to be engaged in remote conversation while observing the game of beer pong being played.

Your eyes had only left his figure for a moment, to look down at your phone vibrating in your hand, notifying you that somebody had tagged you in a post on instagram, but when you looked up again, he was gone.

You stood bewildered for a few seconds, before a low voice whispered in your ear from behind, taking you by surprise.

“Bored?”

“God, you need to stop doing that.” You automatically clutched your hands over your chest, gazing sceptically at Harry who was now standing beside you.

“Sorry” He smiled sheepishly, an unexpectedly boyish look on his face. Was he… drunk?

“It’s okay.” You breathed, looking him over. He had taken his suit jacket off, leaving him in black trousers and a white dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up, to your surprise revealing his left arm completely covered in various tattoos.

“So, are you?”

“Am I what?”

He rolled his eyes at your incomprehension “Bored.”

“A little bit maybe.” You shrugged. The party wasn’t that wild anymore, considering it peaked about an hour ago. Nora had gone to bed already, tired from planning the gathering all day.

“Come with me then.” Harry smiled, nodding his head toward the front door of the apartment, backing a few steps away from you.

You turned to face him.

“Where are we going?” You asked, squinting your eyes the slightest, curious about his sudden invitation.

He just looked at you, still a teasing smile playing on his lips.

“You’re not going to tell me, are you?”

“Clever girl.”

You sighed, an internal debate storming around in your head. And as if he could hear you, he asked, “Come on, what’s the worst that could happen?”

“You could turn out to be a psychopath and kill me.” You stated, knowing that was probably overacting a bit, but he did ask.

“I don’t need to be a psychopath to kill you.” He stated bluntly.

You couldn’t help but laugh at his apparent obliviousness to social interaction. “Was that supposed to be comforting?”

He considered for a moment, tilting his head to the side. “Did you find it comforting?”

A feeling of déjà vu overtook you, as this resembled your earlier conversation impressively much.

“Do you have any idea how annoying you are?”

“No, but if you come with me, I’ll let you educate me on the subject.” He suggested while holding out an awaiting hand for you to take, as if it was an offer, you wouldn’t be able to refuse. 

Even though a part of you couldn’t help but scream that you were going to regret this, it was your first opportunity to live up to your damned “new year, new you” motto. Being more adventurous was at the top of your list for a reason. For a bit too long, you had found too much comfort in spending your nights alone on your sofa. And though there is nothing wrong with that, you found that the books you tend to get lost in all those nights, were about things just like this. Adventures, taking chances, finding romance in the least expected places, saying yes. Because there is always going to be another night you can spend alone in your pyjamas reading a book or watching a movie. But there is never going to be another night where you can say yes to the offer the man in front of you was making right now.

So, you did it. You reached out your hand, slowly laying it in his. A tingle went through your body at the feeling of his long fingers wrapping around your much smaller ones, letting him guide you to the front door of the apartment.

A pleased smile was apparent on his face, and briefly you considered changing your mind, just for the sake of provoking him and his habit of getting his way.

“Do you have a jacket?” He asked, reaching for his, which was hanging on the coat stand by the door.

“In my car.”

“Hmm,” he huffed hesitatingly. “Will you be good now, and let me give you mine then?”

“If you tell me where we’re going.” You tried to persuade, but the look on his face quickly told you, that no such thing was going to happen.

“You’re very hard to make compromises with, you know that?” You declared displeased.

“That’s because I don’t make compromises.” He grinned, satisfied with your compliance.

“How in the world do people work with you?” You asked, surprised how he could ever come to own a company, with that attitude.

“They don’t.” He stated, laying his large jacket around your shoulders, before opening the door gesturing for you to step out into the hallway first.

“They work for me.”

You still didn’t know where you were going, but you were for some reason following Harry blindly, despite his determination to withhold the destination from you, regardless of your many inquiries. You had walked for about five minutes, turning a few blocks here and there, that you didn’t recognise.

“Are you sure you aren’t cold?” You asked him again. It nearly pained you to see him walking around without a jacket on. You suggested that you could run to your car to get yours, but he said it didn’t matter.

He closed his eyes briefly, clearly annoyed by your worry about his wellbeing. You just didn’t understand how it was better that he died of hypothermia instead of you.

“Could you at least roll your sleeves down?”

“If you ask me one more time I swear to god.”

“You’re going to what? Kill me?” You teased. In the short time you’d spent together you quickly learned that tormenting him was quite fun.

“Don’t tempt me.” He warned.

“Oh, come on Harry, you’re not as intimidating as you want to seem. I bet there is a big old softie hidden beneath that exterior. Like a proper cliché.”

He furrowed his eyebrows at your apparent observation. “What makes you say that?”

You held your point finger up in front of you, before stating, “First of all, your refusal to let me go anywhere outside without a jacket on, very gentleman of you even though it can seem quite patronizing. Second, if Nora likes you, you must be somewhat of a good guy. She’s very picky with who she calls friends.”

He seemed to consider your words for a moment, not immediately pleased by them.

For a few minutes neither of you said anything, you just walked in silence. The streets were unusually empty, every person in the city probably occupied by their own new years party. Occasionally you walked past someone, or a car drove by. Loud music and happy cheering also appeared from various apartments or houses along the small side streets you were wandering along.

“So, Nora told me that you’ve had a troubled youth.” It was the only subject that crossed your mind, and she had suggested that you asked him about it.

He side-glanced at your comment. “Did she now.”

“Yes. She said that’s why you can seem very bad-tempered and doesn’t know how to communicate with people.”

Okay some part of you was trying to piss him off, get the upper hand for a bit.

“Are you always this unfiltered to speak with?”

“Well, you aren’t exactly making conversation yourself, it was the only thing I could think of.”

He scoffed at your words; with a disbelieving look on his face. “Really? The only thing, you could think to talk about. Out of all the things in the world?”

You held your hands up in self-defence “Alright, maybe I am curious about the strange man I’m impulsively following in the middle of the night to God knows where. Is that so wrong?”

“I’m not a strange man.”  He grumbled.

“You’re not a known man either. Not to me.”

He didn’t say anything, and you didn’t speak again either, not wanting to press him to talk about the subject if he didn’t want to.

“I did.” He admitted after a while. “I did, have a troubled youth. I went to jail for a while.” He was looking straight ahead down the road, as if he didn’t dare to turn and see your reaction.

“For what?” You asked timidly.

“It was stupid. I owed this guy some money because… well because I didn’t have a lot of money. Turns out he was a part of a gang and when he found out I couldn’t pay him back, he made me make it up to him.” 

He glanced at you briefly, and you nodded for him to continue. He sighed.

“He had me do different small crimes, like selling cocaine, weed. Breaking into some houses.”

“Small crimes?”

“Compared to what he did, they were small yes. He called them the easy jobs. But somehow the cops got a sniff of him, his gang and everyone involved with them. They ransacked my apartment where they of course found drugs. Luckily, I only went to jail for a year because I testified against him. He got ten.” His shoulders fell down with the last word, like he was relieved he was done telling the story.

“How did you come to own a company then?”

His lips showed a small smile at your question. “A kind man believed that I truly wanted to get out of the mess I was in. He believed in me, which, uhm… yeah, which made me believe in myself, I guess. He was the owner of the company. He died a year ago, left it all to me.”

“Wow,” You breathed.

“Yeah, I couldn’t quite believe it myself.”

Harry slowed down, before coming to a complete halt in front of a large, white apartment building.

“We’re here.” He announced, making you turn your head from the building to him in confusion.

You didn’t know what you’d expected, but it wasn’t this.

“What is here exactly?”

“My, uhm, my apartment.” Harry shyly admitted, closely studying your face to see your reaction. Frankly you didn’t know how you even should react.

“You brought me to your apartment?”

“Yeah, I guess.” He sighed, scratching the back of his neck, looking very timid. In complete contrast to the Harry, you’d met two hours ago.

You couldn’t help but smile at his foolishness. “Why didn’t you just ask me if I wanted to go home with you?”

“Would you have said yes?”

You hesitated a bit too long for him to believe that you would have agreed. But the truth was, that your mind couldn’t compose a thought coherent enough for you to even imagine the scenario of him asking you to go home with him, which made it even that harder to figure out if you would’ve in fact said yes or not.

“My point.” He stated when you still hadn’t answered.

“But how is this better? How do you know I’m not just going to turn around and walk back now?” You asked, trying to understand his supposed plan.

“First of all,” he began, looking serious as ever while holding up a finger, imitating what you had done earlier. “You’re not going to walk anywhere at this time of night. If you want to go, I will get you a cab. Second of all,” he paused, taking a step closer to you, “do you want to go?”

“No” You surprised yourself at your admission. His attitude had apparently grown on you.

The slightest smile played on his lips, the glint in his eyes had returned at his newfound confidence of your willingness to stay with him.

“I’m glad.” He nodded. The confession surprised you as it was the most gratitude, he had shown all evening.

Harry’s apartment was no smaller than huge. In size, it fitted the description of a company owner very much. In interior, not so much. It wasn’t what you’d normally expect from a young, single man either. The living room was surprisingly colorful, as opposed to the black, white, and grey colour scheme you found their apartments were usually limited to. He had a wall in the living room solely occupied by bookcases filled to the rim with books, expect for the bottom shelves which were dedicated to probably the largest collection of vinyl records you’d ever seen. The apartment was kind of messy, but in an organized and cozy way, because it didn’t look like it was because he was too lazy to clean up, it just looked like he had too many things to find room for them anywhere else.

“Would you like something?” He asked from behind you.

You turned around to see him standing with one shoulder leaning against the entrance to the kitchen.

“I have water, wine, or I can make us a drink if you want that. You can have anything you want.” He offered.

“Wine would be great.” You answered, walking over to join him in the kitchen, which was nearly as large as the living room.

“Why did you decide to take me home with you?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, I wasn’t necessarily nice to you.”

He seemed to consider for a moment while fetching two glasses from one of the ridiculously many cupboards and opening a bottle of wine.

“Nora has talked about you a lot, she really adores you. I find you interesting… and beautiful. Isn’t that reason enough?” 

“Nora talks about me?” You asked shyly, trying to ignore the compliments he just gave you. It made the butterflies in your stomach wake up.  “Every. Day.” he enunciated, to emphasise just how much. “Why did you want to come with me?” He reciprocated the question.

You didn’t have to tell him it was because you found him unusually attractive since the small smile he absentmindedly had on his face while he poured you both a glass of wine, told you that he already knew that. He walked over to you with both glasses in his hands, handing you one. You appreciatively accepted it and sat yourself down on one of the barstools at the kitchen counter. Harry remained standing opposite you.

“You know, the last thing I promised myself tonight, before the new year began, was that I would stop making mistakes like these. Same old mistakes.” You blurted out to him. You didn’t really know where that confession came from. Maybe it was the alcohol.

Harry froze in his actions. “I’m a mistake?”

You took a sip of wine, shrugging your shoulders. “No not you per se, I just had too many bad experiences, I guess.”

“Experiences?”

“I haven’t been that lucky with guys. I’ve had a tendency to attract idiots and selfish pricks.”

He raised his eyebrows at that, surprised by your choice of words.

“God no, I’m not calling you a selfish prick. Oh, that sounded so wrong. You’re not a selfish prick, I’m sorry. I like you, in fact, I just…I just promised myself not to go home with guys like this anymore, since it rarely has ended up being a good experience.”

“Hmm, I’ll definitely have to make up for that.” He smirked.

“It’s not your fault other guys are assholes.” You sighed, putting both your hands over your face to momentarily hide from his stare, it seemed able to look right through you and into your brain sometimes. Very invading.

Harry put his glass down on the counter and made his way over to stand in front of you. He placed his hands on your waist and turned your body in the chair to face him, tilting his head to the side.

“Y/N?” He whispered, sounding a lot more serious than seconds before, squeezing your waist lightly to get your attention. You removed your hands, making your features visible to him again and leaned your head back so you could look him properly in the eyes, a slight hint of nervousness running through you at his sudden change in demeanour.  

“I’m sorry for earlier.” He said, tone still so gentle that you’d had to be as close as you were to hear him clearly. Genuine concern was in his eyes.

You tilted your head to the side as if indicating that you didn’t know what he was talking about, though you had a slight suspicion.

He sighed and continued.

“On the balcony. It wasn’t a very good first impression. When you said it had felt patronizing, I…I don’t want to be like that. Men like that aren’t, they aren’t nice. So, yeah, I’m sorry for that.” He sounded out of breath as the last word left him, almost like it was physically hard for him to admit that.

“It’s okay Harry, don’t worry about it. I was pissed yeah, but now I know you didn’t mean any harm by it.” You soothed.

He looked relieved by your forgiveness, the crease between his eyebrows lessened.

“It’s just, I’m not always very good… at… expressing myself properly.”

“You don’t say.” You chuckled amused by the timid state he was in.

He huffed at your teasing. “You make it very hard to be kind to you sometimes.”

“Mmmh, what else do I make hard?” You asked clearly surprising him. A blush crept onto his cheeks making your insides do a little jump. You liked having this effect on him, liked making him flustered.

“You are going to be the death of me, you know.” He ran his hands frustratedly over his face and up through his hair. “This is not good for my ego at all. I’m apologizing and everything.”

You couldn’t help but snicker at that. “Oh please, I beg to differ! I think it’s exactly what your ego needs Mr. people don’t work with me, they work for me. Being humbled a bit could do you good.”

“I thought about something?” He changed the subject.

“What?”

“If you’re tired of making the same old mistakes, which by any means is fair, maybe I could be your new mistake then, yeah?” He charmed, undoubtedly knowing how cheesy that sounded. Nevertheless, it worked, which he undoubtedly also knew.

“I think I would like that a lot actually.”

“You would?”

“Very.”

“And you know, the way I see it, you’re technically not breaking your resolution.” A proud look was on his face, as if he had just discovered the greatest loophole of all time.

“Oh my god harry, you’re so smart. No wonder you own a company. I bet every girl just wants to fuck the shit out of you.” You feigned in a fake high pitched voice.

He squinted his eyes together in annoyance over your mocking.

“Not every girl,” he said, running his hand up and down your side. “But luckily for me, you do want to fuck the shit out me, no?” He asked, eyes sparkling with curiousness as to what your answer would be. His words send a chill down your spine.

“Something like that.”  You confirmed.

His eyes glazed over with something else for a moment, concentratedly following the movement of his hand which reached up to replace a strand of your hair. 

“You are really beautiful.” He said, and you couldn’t help but laugh. You’ve never seen someone go from sexual deviant to adorable puppy so quickly before.

“Why are you laughing at me?” He pouted.

“I’m not,” You assured. “But thank you, I think you’re beautiful as well.”

The sweetest, boyish smile erupted on his face, and you could’ve sworn you even saw a blush creep up on his cheeks. “Really?” He asked.

“Harry, you’re one of the prettiest human beings I’ve ever laid eyes on.”

Slowly he leaned in and pressed his lips against yours. All teasing had disappeared, like he was sincerely thanking you with a kiss.

In a swift second it was as if all self-discipline left both your bodies. Like that single little kiss ignited a fire within you and no amount of water was enough to put it out again before you both had burst into flames.

The kiss got more heated, your mouths opened up to each other, intertwining your tongues in a choreographed dance that seemed so natural and familiar, like you had rehearsed it for years. Your hands ran up his arms, lingering on his biceps to feel the muscles contracting underneath your palms, as he squeezed at your sides to keep you still. You ran them further up to his shoulders, behind his neck, finally finding rest in his soft curls pulling at them the slightest, making a satisfied groan escape his mouth and disappear into yours.

He ran his hand further down your side, on a determined path towards the edge of your dress. “Is this okay darling?” He asked, as his fingers found your inner thigh, drawing soothing circles with his thumb.

“Yes.” You nearly whined, fervently nodding your head for him to continue, scooting to the edge of your seat to get him closer. At your approval he moved further up your leg, towards your burning core, fingertips lightly dancing over your sensitive skin leaving goosebumps in their trail. He acted at an agonizingly slow pace, as if teasing both himself and you. A hiss left him when he felt over the small damp spot left on your panties. Finally, he pushed the fabric of your underwear aside, coming skin to skin with your damp pussy.

“Need to have you all warm and ready.” He whispered in your ear beginning to move his fingers in hypnotizing circles. One of your hands went to grip his shoulder, steadying yourself against him, otherwise you were sure you’d fall over. He reached his other arm to wrap completely around your waist, helping you staying vertical as well.

Just as he pushed a finger inside, he leaned down to kiss you again gladly swallowing down your moan. It didn’t take long for you to be wet enough for him to insert another, making you clench your legs together in pleasure.

“Does That feel good angel?” He began to thrust them into you harder, curling them at just the right angle.

“Am- amazing.” You managed to reassure between unstable breaths.

“Doing so well for me,” He soothed while those talented fingers of his were working magic with you writhing in his hold.

“Harry,” you whined not being able to take his teasing anymore.

“What is it love?”

“If… if you keep doing that, I’m-” You let out a squeak, as he moved his fingers even faster against you.

“You’re what?” He taunted, knowing exactly what you were about to say. You could just make out the cocky smirk evident on his lips.

“I’m going to come Harry, please.”

He abruptly stilled his fingers against your burning core. “Oh, I can’t have you coming just yet darling.”

You just about fell flat against his chest, completely out of breath, a noise of complete despair leaving you.

“What do I do with you now?” He pondered.

You felt like you could rip your hair out. This man was making you crazy, and he knew it. Asshole. He took a small step back to look at you and his eyes became even more overflooded with lust, as he observed the state, he’d managed to put you in.

You were still breathing heavily, and you were certain you looked completely gone already.

Your hands seemed to have a mind of their own when they impulsively started untucking his shirt from his trousers, quickly working your fingers over the many buttons.

To your great enjoyment, even more tattoos awaited underneath the shirt. Like a child opening a present, you ripped it off his shoulders, eager to explore the new skin revealed to you.

He watched you with adoration, as he let you trace your fingers over the many drawings covering his abdomen, chest, and collarbones.

“Enjoying yourself?” He asked after a while, a little smile threatening on his lips.

“Very.” You answered, though without even stopping to look up at him, enchanted by the view.

“Well,” He stopped you reaching up to caress the palm of his hand over your cheek.

“I think it’s time to do something proper about that ache between your pretty little thighs angel.”

You leaned into his touch, a please automatically leaving your lips.

He showed off a cocky grin, gripping your waist again with both hands, urging you to stand. You obediently let him guide you to turn around, until you were facing the kitchen counter.

“Better get this off you now, think I’ve waited long enough to get a look at what’s hidden underneath.”

You felt him running his fingers under the two thin straps of your dress resting on each shoulder. He let them fall down the side of your arms, and you lifted your arms out of them, making the dress fall elegantly to the floor, pooling at your feet, leaving you only in a set of lace panties and your heels.

Briefly, you felt a rush of vulnerability threatening your body telling you to cover yourself up again.

But that was until you felt Harrys hands on you. He touched you so delicately, like you were a vase about to break in his hold. And it was as if with each touch, he dusted the feeling off more and more, until it was completely gone, flowing silently away in the air.

You relaxed into him, letting him caress and explore your body how he pleased. Running his hands up your bare stomach, massaging each of your breasts attentively, humming at the feeling your nipples hardening underneath his fingertips. He ran them further up, drawing along the outline of your collarbones, circling over your shoulders and down your back, lastly resting them on your ass, indulging the way it felt to squeeze it in his grasp. He wrapped the waistband of your panties around his fingers, sneaking them down your legs, letting them land right on top of your dress.

You had barely even noticed the small sounds of pleasure you’d expressed, until you felt one of his hands had unoccupied itself from your behind, coming up to delicately wrap around your throat.

“You’re making being self-disciplined very difficult on me.” His voice was hoarse, strained, sending a chill down your body.

“Then don’t be.”

His hand tightened at your words, just enough to make you a bit lightheaded.

“You’re such an eager little thing. Bet you can’t wait till you’re full of me, can you darling.”

He moved his hand around to push at the back of your neck, bending you over the counter. You unconsciously started to grind against his front, feeling the outline of his cock through his trousers, and it was absolutely sending you.

“Harry, need it,” You cried.

“I know baby, I know.” You could hear him hurrying to undo his trousers, pulling them halfway down his legs along with his underwear, too impatient to take them off all the way.

You felt him lining up behind you, running his tip between your soaked folds a few times.

You involuntarily winced at the sensitivity.

“You alright baby?” He sweetly whispered, halting the movements.

“Yes, please.”

With that affirmation he gently thrusted into you, a sensual moan erupting from deep within his chest while doing so. You could listen to that sound on repeat forever.

“You feel s-so good love, all warm and tight for me.”

He leaned over you on the counter, reaching his arms out in front you to grab your hands in his, engulfing you completely beneath him; all your senses were entirely focused on him as he filled you up. 

He started rocking even harder against you, hitting that perfect spot every time.

“Fucks sake, you feel so good Y/N, I don’t think I’ve ever been inside someone as delicious as you. You’re taking me so well.” He whispered in your ear, the words were going straight to your core, getting you there faster than you thought possible. One of his hands slid determinately down your body, straight to your clit, rubbing it in that perfect way. You could barely even touch yourself this good.

“I need to hear you Y/N, talk to me.”

And as much as you tried to tell him how good he made you feel, how much you loved it, how turned on you were, the man currently pounding furiously into you, had rendered you speechless. You opened your mouth hoping a coherent sentence would somehow form, but only noises of pleasure seemed able to escape your vocal cords.

“Mmmh have I made you lose your ability to talk now? Am I fucking you that good? You’ve just become a cockhungry little thing for me, is that it?”

Another filthy moan escaped you at his words. That mouth was astonishingly skilled. He could win Britain’s Got talent with that mouth.

“God love, you should see yourself. So pretty and desperate for me. I can feel you dripping down my hand, I’m making a proper mess of you.” His fingers were still teasing around your bud, shivers going down your spine every time he hit that perfect spot inside of you.

“Well, you’re making a mess of me as well darling, don’t know how I’ll ever be able to think about anything else.” The words seemed to be flowing from his mouth like a sinful waterfall.

“Yeah, that’s it, give it to me darling,” He encouraged you and began to move faster and harder, chasing his own release as well.

“I can feel you clenching around me love.”

And just like before, you squirmed and sobbed beneath him, the same satisfactory bliss beginning to take over your body once again, though this time, he didn’t stop. No, he continued, rocking you through your high. Euphoria rushed through your every vessel, every nerve, filling up your blood stream making it feel like it was about to boil over, and burst out of you.

It didn’t take much longer before he was coming as well. He squeezed his arm around your waist slowing down his pace, as you felt him spill inside of you, filling you up with every drop, until he carefully halted his movements completely.

You stayed standing like that for a while, just breathing against each other. Harry moved his head to the crook of your neck, placing small kisses of affirmation there.

You sighed beneath him at the feeling; your brain caught in a post-orgasmic bliss.

After a while he attentively turned you around in his hold.

“You’re amazing.” He said. You shook your head dismissing his compliment.

“I mean it.” He continued. “That was beyond any sex I’ve ever had.”

Blushing at his words, you hid your face in his chest, making a low chuckle erupt from him.

“Me too.” You confirmed. “It was incredible”

“Yeah?”  

“Yeah.”

An overly excited smile overtook his face, making his dimples endlessly deep. He leaned down to kiss your forehead.

“Come on let’s get you cleaned up and then get to bed.” He said, pulling your hand a little to get you to follow him. But you didn’t follow.

“You want me to stay over?”

“Of course, I want you to stay over. I haven’t even tasted you yet. Figured that was a morning sex in the shower kind of thing, no?”

You pushed his chest at his teasing words, but he caught your hand instead and pulled it up to his lips, giving it a quick peck.

“Harry that’s not fair. You can’t make me wet again already after you just screwed my brains out like that.”

“Well, you’re making me hard again, just by saying that I’m making you wet, and that’s not fair either I think.” He snickered, as he tugged at your hand once again. You let yourself be dragged along this time.

“God, you’re incorrigible.”

[frogtossing]

i had such an amazing time in Cologne yesterday… i feel extremely hungover but it’s was so worth it.

it was so so nice to hang out with @echoes-of-mia again, you’re literally the chillest person ever irl and it was so fun to experience the concert with you :D 🫶

i met so many cool people while queueing (like the lovely @mogoce-nocoj who i got to talk with some more after the concert :D (even if i might have been a bit quiet, i was still processing the concert :P)), literally the best queue experience i’ve had compared to the other concerts i’ve been to (which were also nice!!! but i was a bit too shy to engage with people so i missed out a bit on the community aspect of queueing :<). i got so many cute bracelets and in turn got to give out a couple of mine :3. and i got some fucking beautiful stickers!!! the insanely pretty Kris sticker by the talented @autoantonyms and the stunning ASTP + Joker Out Köln stickers by @/vem.da.kris on Instagram!!!! so sad that the Dopamin fan project didn’t work out :( i really hoped they’d played it!!!

the concert itself was so so fun. before the show started, someone handed me those slay pose glasses and they’re so fucking cool??? and i also hastily traded some more bracelets inbetween the openers :D

also, wow, the stage design by @as-artrat-racik was so fucking beautiful in real life. i was genuinely floored by it!!!! and once the concert started, he first thing i noticed was everybody’s hair???? a bit random but Bojan’s hair looked super nice (like the length it’s at atm???) and omg, Nace mullet real????? + it’s impressive how long Kris’ hair has gotten again, compared to the last time i saw him on stage :0.

and i’m so glad i decided to abstain from listening to any recordings of any of the new songs because let me tell you, experiencing Šta Bih Ja live for the first time was a fucking religious experience. that song fucks so hard i need it injected into my veins IMMEDIATELY. and i love how they were peer pressured by the crowd to play Schlager even if it wasn’t planned LMAO. and it was such a pleasant surprise too! such a fun song which really reminded me a lot of some of Arctic Monkey’s calmer songs (like Mad Sounds). showed my recording of it to my mom earlier today and she said it might be her new favorite of theirs and that i should tell her once it’s out haha.

i love the incorporation of a keyboard in their shows now!!! Metulji with Jan on the keyboard was so nice, as was Everybody’s Waiting!! and i gotta say, i’m not a fan of EW but hearing it live was so so nice. i loved the staging of it all so much??? with it starting off by Bojan being all alone on stage, playing the keyboard and then slowly the others join him.. it was so awesome!!! never thought it would hit so differently live :0

the UM karaoke was so much fun and i heard so many lovely voices but i lost complete track of Bojan at some point 😭 he just vanished lmao.. also Sector 5 walked right past me??? i didn’t realize who they were at first and i just went ‘wait a sec those people look familiar’, so that was fun HAHA.

i got some merch after the concert and whew, that was maybe the most stressful part of the concert. poor Vita was the only one working at the merch stand and it was obvious that she was a bit stressed by the masses of people flocking to it :(. i love the shirt i got, even if i wanted to by the black tour shirt at first :D

i wish i could have given Nace the bracelet i made for him all the way back in June/July of last year (when i wasn’t even sure if id ever get to see JO live :’3) but it’s okay, ill be taking it as in excuse to see them live once again if i get the chance to 💪 (ill be earning my own money soon so that means i might be able to attend international gigs as well :D!) who knows what the future holds!

TLDR; I had an extremely fun time, Joker Out are so worth it to see live and there are so many amazing and talented fans out there, it blows me away every time. i’m really happy to be a part of this fandom <3

[gakucchis]

my story about ♡being cyber bullied by the love live fandom even though i didn’t do anything♡

this has nothing to do with obey me and i doubt anyone will read this but.. who wants to know the story about how the whole love live fandom in 2017 was bullying and harassing me?? alright alright calm down everybody if you wanna know sooo badly

my account name for ig back then was dagashimanga/honokasmanjuu. i really just wanted an account to share my love live obsession with and shitpost.

if you were around back then, you remember the most famous love live confessions account on ig and all the DRAMA it came with. like so so much went down there it was hilarious. anyway, i was friends with one of the admins, her user was christmas.eli.

she was like one of my first internet friends. i live in germany and she lived in france, so sometimes we’d talk like the whole night. we were super close.

until… KAYLEE happened.

now, if you were around back then… you know who tf that is!! it was a (presumably) 10-13 year old girl who would have tons of accounts (talking 20+), all very girly and feminine, super pink, etc. she would either wanna be your friend or hate you to death, and often times when you wouldn’t become her friend or wouldn’t do the right thing, she’d hate you, stalk you, harass you, everything. blocking her didn’t work.

so, one day, i was her victim. idk how it started, but something set her off. she harassed me, texted me, created an account called honokasmanjuuu and copied my posts word for word lmao

a few days later, i took a nap and woke up to see my ig BLOWING up. what the hell happened? well, kaylee fabricated a screenshot of the worst thing you could do in the love live fandom: scam someone of their sif account. she sent it to the love live confessions account for awareness, and guess who approved and posted it? my dear christmas.eli!

my account was full of people telling me how horrible i am, how i deserve to die, etc. people found my private, real life account, commenting there, using my pictures and spreading them (mind you i was 14), telling me how ugly i am, how ugly my art is, even photoshopping me on a pig lmao

i texted christmas.eli and told her it was fake and asked her why she would do this to me instead of talking to me first. she absolutely hated me and told me to block her. my irl best friend (to this das mwuah) even tried explaining it to her but she didn’t want to hear any of it. the bullying got so bad, i deactivated any accounts i had — it was full on cyber bullying. i couldn’t listen or watch anything love live related because it was so traumatizing at the time.

i created new accounts, where one girl even texted me, and after talking to her she trusted me and felt sorry for me, before also turning on me and telling the confessions account my new user. i quickly deleted the account and started anew, without anyone except my irl friends and like 2-3 mutuals.

funny thing though: my new account actually grew quite a bit, and one day, christmas.eli followed me even. nobody knew who i really was because i kept private information at bay and started using an internet name (which, to this day!!, is ria ♡). and… i actually became her friend again, acting like i was someone else lmao.

she was close with two other girls, all three had big accounts, and one day the other two girls posted a screenshot of my account because i said something along the lines of most men only using male sa victims to minimize female sa victim awareness (which is true!). they called me a sexist who doesn’t care about male sa which is just as bad.. girl where did i say that….. anyway, i was only bullied for a day so ig it’s okay!

if you’ve read this far, wow, congrats. if you know me from back then (dagashimanga, honokasmanjuu, gakucchis and now gakuwucchis (you can follow me, but not very active)) let me know! also let me know if you bullied me too, no hard feelings unless you’re one of the three girls. because then i wish you hell on earth!

[catkin-morgs-kookaburralover]

writing poetry sometimes feels like you gotta cut yourself open to express it idk smear all your organs all over the page and hope somebody else reads something beautiful. is that like divination the way it's expressed in various places and things? I dunno. poetry never slides off your skin like water off a duck's back. it's from within I think. sometimes you have to tear yourself apart to get at the words and sometimes it just wells up from within and gushes out. always from somewhere deep inside. sometimes it's difficult and horrible and painful but the alternative would be worse. sometimes it's from sheer joy that must overflow into words. I think that's beautiful personally. skin splitting from joy. it happens, I think, to us all at some point. or maybe I'm just a creature of extremes. maybe that online test I did because a friend recommended it is true. it said my symptoms were high. I don't know. maybe it is true, maybe it's not. I read a book once where there was a character named Nathan Hill-and-Dale, and while I'm not nearly as extreme as he was portrayed, in my extremes, I know I'm a fairly volatile person. funny, for most people who see me IRL seem to think that I'm fairly calm. nope, I'm a volcano. watch out, even when I'm apparently calm I might blow up one way or the other. one of my residents' family members said today that I was young and bubbly and she was glad to see it because happiness is the prerogative of the young. a part of me wished I told her. I have actively tried to kill myself once; I have come extremely close to the same actions countless times including yesterday; I would sooner hurt myself than others; if I had my own choice I would simply starve. of course I didn't tell her. sometimes I think I'll never get better. at this point I would consider it a very high chance that I will either die by suicide or end up in hospital following an attempt. not now, of course. but despite my fierce love for my course it has stress associated with it and I think that it's very likely that no psych help on earth would fix my mental health enough for that not to be an option mentally in this short time. I think it's possible to recover from all of the things I struggle with. God help me, I hope it is. the real question is whether I will survive long enough to recover from them. and the answer? I know not. I was reminded of a past interaction with the boy today, where he called my name - I turned - his grandfather, a photographer, was waiting to see if he could get a decent photo, for we were at a church conference and he was trying to get photos everywhere. they were laughing. I could not help but laugh. that memory is tainted now, for he would not look at me now, let alone try to pull such a stunt again. I don't blame him. I don't blame anyone for it. I wonder what would happen if I blocked all my friends on discord; who would seek me out? part of me hopes people would, another part hopes they would not. sometimes I just want to be left alone to curl up and die. it would be easier. so much easier than living, and living, and living. I tried writing poetry just now. it felt like trying to cut myself open, I couldn't get the words out. it only made me feel rather wild. I'm desperate for change, for something. something. what is that something? I don't know. did you know I'm a sadist? I would not in a public place express the thoughts that led me to that conclusion. but I am. I wish I wasn't. there's an obvious solution to that. quick, and easy. so easy. too easy. I tried writing poetry, and then instead of writing anything coherent, I wrote this.

[queenie-says-free-palestine]

Hi! I came across your blog and wanted to offload some feelings, I hope you don't mind.

I've been kinda aware of the situation in Palestine for a few years now (However I am sure that there is A LOT more I don't know) I'm from Western Europe, I'm sure you're aware of how little concern there was and is for Palestinian here. My stomach just dropped when I turned on the news this past weekend. The first thing I saw was the Israeli president proclaiming war. I felt horrified, I knew that whatever Hamas had done, the Palestinian people would be punished for it. It's terrible what happened to the Israeli people, of course, but the entire western world doesn't seem to acknowledge, accept or even care about the fact that those in Palestine are living in an 'Apartheid system'

I've seen videos of kids being 'roughed up' by Israeli military, old people forced from homes they've lived in for generations. They have been suffering for decades like this. Why is it okay for them to be treated like this? Because they're brown? Muslim? I'm sorry if that's a controversial thing to say, but I can't think of any other reason for it. It is both heartbreaking and infuriating.

I wish the western world just cared, if only a little bit. We have been bombarded with 'Israel the victim' narrative, there is some reporting about what they are doing to Gaza (cutting aid etc) and it's generating a little sympathy but not enough to change the overall narrative. Those who publicly support 'Free Palestine' are painted as antisemitic at best, a terrorist sympathizer at worst.

I'm sick of it!

Forgive me if I've got anything wrong here, but this is the opinion I've come to from what I've seen/read. Feel free to correct me.

Thanks for letting me vent.

sorry, i meant to reply to this when you sent it but ive been so busy 😭😭

im glad you feel that my blog is a safe space to vent :) and no worries, im fine w you feeling the need to spill all this. if anything im somewhat honored you chose my blog !

i will be expanding on some notes you said, but trigger warning for graphic depictions of violence. also notable that if people will get triggered at the very ideas of these things, at seeing them as words or on screens, then imagine those who face this in their every day lives, who have faced this every day for decades. you can choose not to read and not get triggered and move on. they dont have a choice.

the first thing id mention is that you mention how the condemnation is "why is it okay for them to be treated like this? because theyre brown? muslim?" and as a brown muslim, yes this is exactly why its okay for them to be treated like this. the west has made it clear for decades that muslims are terrorists or plane hijackers or bombers and they should be disciplined and indoctrinated, and arabs are either oil money bilionaires or robbers or sex objects who live in tents and dont use cars because they have camels. thats why white ukrainians are defending themselves but brown palestinians are terrorists

but also keep in mind that minorities such as arab christians are just as threatened, especially due to a lack of awareness about the fact that theres actually a large number of christians in arabia, and the christian communities in the middle east are some of the oldest in the world, with the ones in palestine able to date back to the birth of the church. in fact, arab christians are almost condemned more than arab muslims because people tend to blow them off because theyre arab christian and somewhat alien to other people.

not to mention that people have the nerve to say palestinians should die bc the majority are muslims and want to kill infidels and queers. what of the queer palestinians? im friends with palestinians irl and two of them are queer. are they excused from the massacre but their families should die? and its sad that this next sentence might be controversial, but even homophobes dont deserve to be slaughtered. yes, i said it.

next, this is smth that angers me, not what you said, but the fact that its so unknown. youve seen videos of "kids being 'roughed up' by israeli military, old people forced from homes theyve lived in for generations". i promise you, anon, this is the tip of the iceberg. scroll far enough, esp on twitter under the hashtag #freepalestine. the things ive seen will stay with me forever. the things youll see if you look far enough, i promise, you wont be able to comprehend how people who witness this every day can still have the will to live.

if you scroll far enough, youll see videos of women screaming in pain as they watch their homes getting bulldozed. youll see a video of a hearing impaired palestinian girl running, only to get hit in the face w a stun grenade. shes only eleven years old. youll see videos of a boy, only about six, eyes wide and staring off, silent as the person holding the camera urges him to speak and shakes him. youll see a father crying over his sons body after finding it among the dead. youll see a boy running through a crowd, screaming and crying for his dad, only to find his fathers corpse being held up by the people in front. youll find people being pulled out from rubble. youll find a boy pointing at his little sister and saying "look at the blood on her feet." youll see videos of people being held hostage in al aqsa mosque, the third holiest site in islam, by the idf. they did nothing but pray. youll see a man holding a dead fetus, saying that its mother was killed. youll see a father vlogging what life is like in gaza, he buys gifts for his daughters for eid but they keep hiding under pillows thinking that theyre going to get bombed and he has to reassure them and hug them. he died a few days later. youll see two children being held by an idf soldier as they cry and swear they havent done anything. youll see a palestinian girl gesturing towards destroyed buildings behind her and saying "you see all of this. what do you expect me to do, fix it? im only ten." youll see a woman talking about how her two and a half year old son, who was shot by israeli soldiers, was loved by everyone and he loved everyone. youll see a group of men in the middle of prayer, refusing to stop even when they hear israeli missiles hitting. they flinch but they dont stop praying. 

and what of the incidents that didnt get recorded? these are just from the last decade or so. what of the sixty five years before that? this is what i call terrorism. the hijabi on your flight is not a terrorist. the zionists who tells people to leave the land they grew up in, the land their ancestors grew up in? THATS who the the terrorist here.

and even those who dont get killed are terrorized. there are people who have to sign in with checkpoints any time they enter or leave their own home. theyre arrested by the idf for no reason and interrogated for hours.

i would also like to add a point. palestinians arent punished for hamas's crimes. palestinians are punished for being palestinians. people could argue that "oh, israels trying to attack hamas, the civilians are collateral damage, thats inevitable in war!!!"

bull. shit.

okay fine, lets assume that, ethically speaking, its morally just to level all of gaza with the aim of exterminating hamas. lets assume that its not morally questionable to do so, and lets assume that it doesnt violate international law. let me steal the argument of bassem youssef from when he debated w piers morgan:

lets assume hamas doesnt exist. lets assume theres a world where hamas doesnt exist in palestine, and lets call this world the west bank. ... whats the excuse for killing palestinians in the west bank?

(he said smth of the sort, im not sure these were his exact words)

why would you kill palestinians in the west bank, where there isnt hamas, and say that its "collateral damage" from a war w hamas? its thinly veiled racism, i promise you

the slightly more fortunate news is that the world seems to be waking up. there are protests, even in the west, in support of palestine. al jazeera news has an article abt places that have held protests in solidarity w palestine (the link is here) and a lot of them are in western/european countries. even jews are protesting, i remember seeing a video (its kinda old tho maybe two years old ??) of a jewish guy saying "we are embarassed of whats happening in the state of israel, in the jewish name" and that palestinians "shouldnt give up the struggle" (the video is here)

unfortunately, where i live, no protests can be held, but maybe if theres any near you, anon, you can show some love by attending :) and if there arent then you can simply donate (only if you can, obviously)

sorry this ramble is so long hahaha its just that your ask allowed me to let out some bottled up feelings of my own

[vole-mon-amour]

7x24, part 2.

Every time there's a chase & Derek starts chasing the suspect, I'm glad he's in good physical shape & a fast runner. Qualities that are definitely needed here.

Aaron saving Derek's life, hell yeah.

The way Emily saved Will... Yeah, that job at Interpol makes A LOT of sense for her. The girl is smart and her brain works FAST even under severe pressure.

Breaking news: local girl cries about some hets. For real though, that got to me. And if it were Dave & Aaron, I'd be absolutely wailing. The writing, the acting. What a beautiful ending to a season.

A paradox: I dislike kids. When my fav character is good with kids, I'm screaming and awww'ing about it. That's probably because, in my eyes, it's hard to tend for the kids, hard to talk to them, hard to calm them down. And when characters are genuinely good with creatures like kids, someone both so pure and hard to deal with, it gets to me. And I tend to love those fictional kids that grow on me. Dealing with them IRL is a nightmare & I would never.

Anyway, as I already said, Dave is so good with kids. He's such a good soul. And as I'm thinking about it, I try not to idolize him 'cause I'm sure there are some issues of his own & dealing him irl would be different. Still. I love the man.

Of COURSE Dave phones Aaron the first thing. Of course. <3 They're so fucking domestic with each other, so cosy, so homey, I am losing it with them. They make me smile so much.

They're matching, hello??? And Derek understands her. I wish I was looking as good as Penelope, though. WIth that body & those clothes. Ahhh.

Mentally crying over Aaron being the professional that he is & noticing all those little things about people's body language. It's silly, I know, but my love for him & his personality & his skills is just as big as for Dave. They absolutely do have my heart.

I love you, host with the most. And your enormously huge house and the back yard, wow. I'd love to just wander around there. Maybe sit by the pool.

Spencer is very cute, so is Henry.

I am never shutting up about these husbands after this.

What a GOOD freaking ending. So different compared to the previous one where I cried my eyes out. I never want one of those again. A happy one is way better. I'm glad I still have 7-9 seasons with them (maybe less, depends on how it goes after Aaron leaving but still. Love this family.)

Garcia and Hotch, helloooo??? I'm so in love with this show & these characters & this ending. Can't stop smiling.

And the song at the end: "When he walked into my life and I let him dive, 'cause the way that he looked at me made me feel alive." Beautiful, just beautiful.

Spencer blowing a kiss to Derek? And it was DEFINITELY directed at him. Ok. :')

For a moment I seriously thought Dave and Aaron are going to dance together. I mean, "That's enough for you, I'm dancing with him now." The way Aaron takes her hand off Dave's shoulder. I would be lying if I say that my heart did not skip a beat, wow. How good they look together, oh my.

They have more chemistry than Hotch with his 'girlfriend', lol. Beth seems perfectly ok as a person, but in no way I am shipping that. Either way, husbands with their beloved daughter. I really like the sight of this, they look good together.

I kind of can't believe I actually made it this far and finished the season, since I slowed down very much for the past month or two. I am very excited to start season 8. I hope I make it all the way to the end of the show.

[acourtofthought]

Just here to tell you, coming from the hateful blog managed by, what I assumed is a grown ass woman (I'm 28, so it's not a dig at their age, it's a dig at their immaturity) that they continue to vague your blog on their posts.

I hope you never let them get to you. I'm someone who came into the fandom thinking it would be a fun place to interact and talk about our favorite characters, sure, I'd expect disagreements, but I never in a million years thought I'd come across women who act this childish over a ship and bully, harrass and send death threats. Are there Gwynriels and Eluciens as toxic? Sure. I've seen it but it's mostly in response to them... and they somehow act superior and only dish it but can't take it. But no one should have to take any of this.

This unhealthy obsession to be right and bully others, who disagree, can't be good for them IRL. There's feeling passionate, then there's them. The comments I've seen them leave all over Instagram, it's so transparent because it's the same accounts. It's to the point new fans on tiktok are calling them out. Not gonna lie, I feel a bit validated to see videos on tiktok calling out their shitty behavior, but it shouldn't be the case at all. No one, under any circumstances should be bullied over fictional characters. 

Ship your ship, no one cares they love Az and Elain, but imagine when all this is over and the embarrassment if they are wrong in their reading predications. No wonder they keep their accounts anonymous. I would never act so narcissistic and gloat before the series is even over, I can HOPE and WISH, but I never go around with 100% certainty and bully people over it only for it to blow up in my face. I'm not SJM and elriels need to be reminded neither are they. I hope they can eat their humble pie, if the day ever comes and apologize for their behavior. But that's me wishful thinking. Sorry to vent, just hate seeing how they used your post to manipulate their follwers into trying to bully you. They seem to have a problem with popular accounts. Wonder why. Jealousy perhaps?

Vent away because sometimes you need to get the thoughts out of your head so you can move forward without them!

I think people forget to keep things in perspective.

I enjoy this fandom and these books and I'm having a good time coming up with theories. Sometimes I'll even get in heated debates over differences of opinions and while that part is never the most fun, I vent or fume for a hot minute than move on.

But my real life exists outside my laptop or phone and when I'm sitting on my deathbed (at what is hopefully 100+ years old because I want to live as long as possible 😂) Lucien and Elain are not going to matter to me. E/riel is not going to matter to me. Blogger XYZ who hated me is not going to matter to me (at least in terms of the opposite opinions within the fandom sense, as a real person they will matter in terms of my wishing happiness for them).

I love the thought of Elucien and I don't think E/riel is matched based on the information I have so far. And sometimes my post are going to be harsh........about E/RIEL and AZ. If that is my big crime to blogger XYZ to the point that they feel the need to write posts about me and encourage others to bully me then.....................what can you do, right?

The one benefit of being older in this fandom is to not be as affected by a strangers opinion of me. Honestly, at this point, I'm not even all that affected by someone in my family's opinion of me. I struggled with that for a very long time. My father is not a part of my life and for a long time I wondered what I'd done wrong that was so bad he didn't want to know me. My mother is in my life but I'm a disappointment as a daughter because I got tattoos, am not proper enough for her and don't believe in the God she does and again, I felt this constant need for approval from the people that didn't like me for me and spent a lot of time doubting myself and caring what they thought. I've dealt with a lot of bullying from my older sibling over the years and finally stepped away from that relationship even though I had always felt guilty not keeping her a part of my life, that somehow I was the bad person for cutting her out. The older I've gotten, I started to realize that just because specific people had an opinion about me didn't make them the right opinions. If you don't respect someone as a person than you shouldn't be listening to their thoughts on you.

I love animals and reading. I LOVE traveling but am afraid of flying. I feel most at peace sitting in front of an ocean or driving around in my car listening to music. I love coffee and desserts and I rarely sit on chairs the right way because I get fidgety. Stick me in a bathtub and leave me there for an hour and I'll be extremely happy. I have a very sarcastic sense of humor, love Broadway musicals, action movies, hate cooking and love going out to eat. I never really wanted to be a mother and left the decision of kids up to my husband but they turned out to be the best thing I've ever done in my life. I'm never the best at anything but above average at a few things like drawing, singing (but have extreme stage fright), and dancing. I always tip 20% even if the service was poor and can only drink one alcoholic beverage at most unless I want to have the worst hangover the next day. People might think I'm social and outgoing upon meeting me but inside I'm sweaty and dying, thinking over every single thing I've said and whether I sounded stupid. I am extremely introverted and tend to make plans only to desperately wish I could get out of them that day (though I usually end up having a good time).

I am a lot of things outside this fandom but if someone wants to base everything I am in my life on who I ship in an SJM book, if they decide I'm stupid or a terrible person because I like a specific pairing and in this particular fictional world don't think two other characters are matched then I realize I just have to let it slide. I believe that one day, they will come to realize none of it actually mattered all that much and until then I guess I'd rather them target me than someone who struggles with the opinions of others on the internet as I might have once done years ago.

[behindthewox]

It's all about the money, they say. So let's adress the money thing, shall we?

Not the problems (that's for another post) but some suggestions for paid features that might get some of that much needed cash flowing in... and more importantly, these are suggestions I think people would actually be willing to pay for and/or have talked about as something they'd like to see implemented into the sites. Do it right and people (who can afford it) will pay!

Buying potions

On sites that have the potion system it'd make sense to have the option to pay IRL money to buy the finished potions, no need to brew them yourself. You could still make them yourself using your heard earned IG resources (and potentially blow them up in a freak accident), but it's an option that saves you time and doesn't have the risk of failure involved. Not only will it be a source of income but it will also lead to more potions being used and showed off, inspiring other users to venture into potioneering (or paying IRL money, *cough, cough*) to get that sweet, sweet revenge that is best brewed hot. I'll tell you right now, if I got tricked into a potion that mirrored the whole site for me (please, never again), I'd be willing to spend a coin or two on returning the favour.

From one currency to another...

When you buy VIP you automatically get 500 golden coins, so why not offer an additional option of buying just the IG money? It's a bit cheaty but so is paying IRL money for an IG status, which previously had to be earned through winning competitions, and that's a thing now so we're fine with that, right? Right...?

Sponsorship badges

We've already got achievement badges that we can show off on our profiles, so why not add the option of sponsoring the sites and earning a fancy achievement badge to show the World what a financial hero you are? There's nothing to be gained from it except bragging rights, but if you really want to motivate people to spend some money you could also make a "thank you for sponsoring this site" list where sponsors can point out their name and proudly tell everyone that they have contributed in meaningful way. Set up a few different tiers ranging from micro-donations to big sums and see what happens!

Runaway pets

I've heard many stories of users who lost beloved site pets for reasons out of their control. Hospital stays, power shortages for days, unexpectedly busy work days - there are many reasons why someone wouldn't be able to log in and feed their pets, and more importantly wouldn't have known about it advance (or they'd put the pet in the kennel, duh). Being unexpectedly unable to log in for several days is sucky as it is, but to lose a site pet on top of that is just sad.

I know, it's just digifictional pets and they're not real and they don't have any value and bla, bla, bla... but sometimes people grow attached to their online pets, and some pets become symbolic of a memorable event or person. For some people there's emotional value and it hurts to lose that. It'd be nice to have the option to get them back, even if it'd cost a dollar or two.

Transferring specific opened cards between accounts

If you're one of the many users with multiple accounts struggling to finish that one collection, you probably know the frustration of getting the one card you're missing - but on the wrong account! Imagine having 3 Valentines (super rare card) on one account but only getting hundreds of Arabella Fig (super common card) on your second account where the only card you're missing is Valentine... that just sucks. Being able to trade cards isn't an option the way the system is built (no one would ever buy cards if you could just trade your way to completing collections and it'd no longer be that much of a rage challenge) but sometimes the wish to give away a specific card to help someone else (or your other self) is so strong you'd even be willing to pay IRL money to do it.

also, who the fudge cursed me to only get Arabella Fig and nothing else despite opening 1467 cards in one sitting?! curse you too, may your missing Valentine forever evade you and NO I AM NOT OVERREACTING

Commenters: which of these suggestions (if any) would you be willing to pay for?

NOTE: I am not a big fan of pay-to-win and pay-to-play but I do realise that in order for WoX to be free for all users there has to be money coming in from somewhere to cover the costs of running all these sites. Ideologists like myself may feel icky about it, but from a practical standpoint I realise it must exist in one form or another. The best I can do is to suggest the least icky but still strategically sound options.

[thatrandomventblog]

it just sucks so much. i want so badly to put my full weight on people but also im so scared ill hurt or break someone. knowing my dumbass i would and then id be miserable cuse hurting people isnt me. all i ever want to do it help thats all. sometimes it doesnt matter how as long as that person is feeling better. sometimes i feel like im drowing and the only way anything stops hurting is to soothe another whos hurting which never made any fucking sense to me but then again ive always been told ive been drawn to lost souls. maybe im meant to help others and nothing more. maybe im just not meant to really do anything important for the world. i want so badly to be a light for others so i joke and i help and i try and try and try. i get nowhere tho. and i dont know why. i never feel like i actually help someone and im constantly so fucking nervous of saying something wrong and hurting someone on accident and just fucking it up cuse its all ive done my whole life. fuck things up. my birth was a fuck up. i fucked up every day as a kid. i fuck up every day now. i never thought id make it to highschool but now im here. im here living when i thought id be dead. i keep changing myself to fit in better. so people will like me more. ive given up on reading, something ive done since i was ten constantly, reading books and getting lost in them. now i can barely pick one up. i just cant. last year i completely lost my motivation to get better in art. i failed so much. underage drinking led to parents mistrust. but it didnt matter that i was forced to it. i can vaugely recall that night and i keep thinking if it was my fault of theirs. the person who forced me. i guess it should be mine, considering as how im the one who eventually gave in. i cant eat fish anymore cuse the smell makes me think of times id rather forget. sometimes i doubt i could ever be with a girl sexually cuse of it. i keep trying so hard to let things fall into the past. it never seems to matter tho. one way or another they come back. they come back and i feel sick all over. memories of a vaccum getting thrown or of doors slamming haunt me. nothing i do shakes it. i feel like im drowing. i cant climb out of the hell hole im in. i think it should be that way. i do deserve it. im the fucking eldest how tf did i ever let myself be so fucking weak? but it dont matter anymore. im just kind of another dust in the wind. and i know. its always the same issue. but honestly? this household fucking sucks some days. and some days i wish that knife actually hit me. some days im thankful that at least i gotta meet the people i did. siblings keep telling me im lance mcclain irl, and that hits hard. i laugh my pain away until my chest feels compressed. i let just enough steam off so that i dont blow. just so that im not dying while smiling entirely. mom and dad ive tried talking to. it doesnt matter that im hallucinating anymore. it fucking hurts tho. i see things but not really. like its there in glimpses and sometimes there in wholes. but it doesnt matter. as of late im starting to think its a possibility that its ptsd triggered, but the thought of having ptsd makes me feel so fucking shitty. i shouldnt have it. at all. nothing ive been through has been enough (in my opinion) to actually make me have it. but i guess what i got is what i got. some days i feel like its an unfair hand. others i feel like its the hand i deserve. idk anymore.

[dramarising-replacement]

flight stereotypes, from a guy who's only ever been in 1

i am sure you will be able to guess which one

earth: youre rich as fuck, you are a dom tryhard (or reaping the benefits of being in the dom tryhard flight), and you intimidate me. i feel like you guys arent as close-knit as people probably think, but like, if you saw each other on the street you would exchange a knowing nod. your lairs are either all gem-gened g1s with 20 billion UMAs, or complete chaos.

fire: your forums are dead, your discord is dead, your flight is tiny. theres like 3 other people in fire other than you and you probably dont know them. you guys dont give a shit about dom but you wish you did. you dont give a shit about aesthetic either but each individual dragon looks really nice. you guys are usually really chill though and you have good vibes.

wind: holy shit you guys are everywhere, especially in the art and skins/accents forums. somehow everyone in wind knows each other even though your flight is massive. you lean into that wind aesthetic super hard and your lore's themed around it too. you're either really chill, or the most hyper person in existence. 

water: your god is fucking dead, and you wont let anyone forget about it. your lore is probably immaculate and you have a nice aesthetic going with the blues and greens. i feel that if you tried to convince your friends to join water theyd all say no. generally though you guys are really mysterious. what are you up to? spill your secrets water, im waiting.

lightning: you guys really want to be in the big leagues when it comes to dom. you swoon over the lightning aesthetic and you love chemistry or physics (or just blowing stuff up) irl, but you hate your god. a lot of you guys are uptight as hell and kinda closed-off, but most of you seem nice. i like you guys, but you should chill out a little.

ice: from november to february every year, im imagining you guys throwing parties in the ice discord. you love the ice aesthetic, you love winter, you love your community, you're just loyal to ice all the way. you guys are like wind, except even more close-knit, and i feel like ice and wind are either really close, or you guys have a playful rivalry.

shadow: i am 100% certain that a solid third of you are 13 years old. you guys are EDGY edgy but you lean into it and honestly i gotta respect it. you wish you were good at dom and you wish you had more shadow primals, which is definitely your favourite eye type. you guys are nice but i imagine your discord is pure fucking chaos.

light: im gonna be 1 million with you guys rn, a lot of you are kinda toxic. youre about as tryhard-y as earth, except four times as big, and you probably shittalk earth in the discord. you love silks, flowerfalls, coatls, selling high-demand apparel items for 500g, and buying UMAs with the aforementioned 500g six seconds after it sells.

plague: i feel like you guys are really close-knit despite the size of your flight. like you guys scare the shit out of me ngl but i bet your discord is the nicest place ever, and i feel like a lot of you are either based af or total sweethearts. you play up the aesthetic and the edge to 11 and its super entertaining when you do, please keep doing it.

nature: are you guys ok? i feel like youre the opposite of plague, in that nobody hates nature more than nature does. if youre in nature you need a hug and probably a therapist. youre gay and wish you could shapeshift irl. also you guys should do dom more often, simply because "grrr nature flight is scary now" would be hilarious.

arcane: youre a teenager and/or you used to be the "i wanna be a wizard when i grow up" kid. youre queer as all hell. your forums are dead but your discord is moving a mile a minute. your lair has zero aesthetic but thats ok because each dragon looks cool, and you have 247568 dragons anyways. also dom? whats that, ive never heard of it.

[storytellerofuntoldlegends]

an icarus and his sun: chapter 2

A/N: the flower husbands do be kinda 😳 in this part so obligatory reminder that this is about their characters, not the irl people! anyway homoerotic swordfight lets gooooo (also look at me posting two days in a row hell yeah)

Warnings: arguing, violence, swordfighting, flirting

AO3 Link - Tumblr Masterpost 

-

It was a good day. The sun was shining, Jimmy was finally getting some organization done in his empire- and then he showed up. Jimmy just about dropped the materials he was carrying to his storage building when he spotted Scott standing on his roof, looking down at it with a frown. Jimmy let out a frustrated groan, quickly hustling into the building to dump his materials in a chest and then back outside to glare up at Scott. He gave a cocky grin and a wave, and Jimmy let out another frustrated sound.

“What are you doing here?!” Jimmy demanded. Scott merely shrugged.

“I dunno, was bored. Decided to fly by. Your roof is terrible by the way,” Scott said, shifting his weight on the wood and grimacing when it gave a creak.

“What do you mean, my roof is terrible?!” Jimmy protested with a frown. He thought his buildings weren’t half bad! Sure, they were nothing fancy like Scott’s, but they made do! They were simple, Jimmy liked simple.

“I mean I can barely get a foothold here without feeling like I’m gonna fall off, it’s way too steep!” Scott replied with a grimace. Jimmy rolled his eyes.

“My roofs aren’t meant to be perches, Scott. Besides, steep roofs are kind of the style around here!” Jimmy said, crossing his arms. He was slightly aware that he looked like a pouty toddler at the moment, but was too irritated by Scott’s presence to really care. Scott wrinkled his nose in distaste.

“Jimmy, you wouldn’t know style if it smacked you in the face,” he retorted.

“Excuse you, I have a lot of style!” Jimmy protested.

“You wear a cod head,” Scott said flatly.

“Exactly!” Jimmy said, as if it was obvious. Scott rolled his eyes, and Jimmy scowled at him. Scott could have whatever opinions he wanted on Jimmy’s style, but his roofs were fine! He would show him, Jimmy could stand on top of the roof just fine if he wanted to! With a determined frown, Jimmy equipped his elytra and flew up to the roof, startling Scott slightly.

“What on earth are you doing?” Scott asked with a resigned sigh. Jimmy landed on the roof, and only wobbled a tiny bit before he caught his balance and stood on its steep slope just fine. Well, maybe not just fine, but he was trying to prove a point to Scott here. He didn’t need to know that Jimmy was frankly struggling with keeping his balance.

“See, it’s not too steep! I’m standing just fine!” Jimmy said proudly, putting his hands on his hips in a triumphant pose.

“You’re really trying to out-perch the person here with actual wings?” Scott scoffed, raising an eyebrow. Jimmy deflated slightly.

“Okay, well- it does sound dumb when you put it like that- but what does that say about you if the guy with an elytra can perch better than the guy with real wings!” Jimmy said, faltering only for a moment before regaining his confidence.

“Please, I’ve kept my balance on worse than this,” Scott huffed. A semi-victorious smirk came to Jimmy’s face, and Scott looked at him in confusion.

“Then why were you complaining about it?” Jimmy asked, voice cocky and a full on grin spreading over his face. Now it was Scott’s turn to look frustrated, and his mouth opened and closed uselessly for a few moments.

“I- well- that’s besides the point! I had to think of a functional purpose for why your roof was bad other than it was ugly, Katherine told me to play nice!” Scott finally shot back, moving forward and poking Jimmy in the chest. While it wasn’t even that hard, Jimmy nearly toppled over anyway, only saved by Scott rushing forward and grabbing his arm to steady him. Jimmy’s face suddenly felt warm at Scott’s touch, and he blamed it on the frustration he felt over what Scott had said.

“You’re only here because Katherine sent you?!” Jimmy asked, surprising himself at the disappointment that underlaid the annoyance in his tone. Scott let go of his arm with an eye roll.

“Why else would I visit you? And you’re welcome for not letting you go splat,” he scoffed.

“I would have been fine, I don’t need your help!” Jimmy shot back.

“Oh you definitely need help Jimmy, looking at the state of your roofs,” he retorted.

“For the last time, my roofs are FINE!” Jimmy shouted, shoving at Scott without really thinking about it. Scott stumbled backwards, and with a gasp Jimmy reached out for him- only for Scott to right himself with a powerful flap of his wings, blowing Jimmy backwards a bit. Jimmy opened his mouth to apologize, but stopped cold at the downright murderous look in Scott’s eyes. Scott had always been a tall, imposing figure- but with his wings flared, a hand on the hilt of his sword, and icy blue eyes glittering with anger- Jimmy was beginning to wish that he would take a moment to think before he did something like shove someone who was definitely better at fighting than him.

“Jimmy, you could have killed me,” Scott said, voice low and dangerous.

“But I didn’t! You caught yourself and- wait no Scott, wait- SCOTT!” Jimmy rambled, voice tapering off into an undignified shriek as Scott drew his sword and lunged forward. Jimmy managed to scramble to the side and avoid the strike, unsheathing his own sword as he did so.

“Wait for what, Jimmy? You attacked first,” Scott taunted as he raised his sword again, and Jimmy was barely able to block the blow in time, a resounding clang echoing through the swamp.

“Katherine said to play nice!” Jimmy protested, cringing internally a bit at how much he sounded like a whiny toddler.

“Katherine isn’t here right now,” Scott growled. Jimmy grit his teeth, pushing against Scott’s sword with his own and causing Scott to stumble backwards.

“Fine, then I’ll actually be able to fight you this time,” Jimmy said with a determined scowl.

“I’d like to see you try,” Scott taunted with a smirk. Jimmy advanced with a shout, Scott sidestepping to the side easily, the tips of his feathers barely brushing against Jimmy’s sword. Jimmy stumbled forward, unable to slow his momentum- until he toppled over the side of the building. Luckily he was able to glide down with his elytra just fine, but that didn’t stop him from glaring at Scott indignantly as he effortlessly landed on the ground. He ran at Scott again, slashing and jabbing but only growing more and more irritated as Scott easily deflected every blow.

“This is ridiculous!” Jimmy panted as he tried to catch his breath, while Scott didn’t have a single feather or hair out of place. Scott smirked, slowly circling as he lightly twirled his sword, adjusting his grip.

“It is, I thought you’d at least put up somewhat of a decent fight,” Scott said with a mock disappointed hum. Jimmy barely took a breath to reply before Scott lunged at him, and Jimmy brought up his sword to deflect- until Scott’s true target hit as his blade slid under the hilt of Jimmy’s sword and he brought his blade up harshly, causing Jimmy’s sword to fly out of his hands. Scott swung at him again, and Jimmy dodged the blow and made a break for his sword. Scott leapt after him, knocking Jimmy to the ground. His sword ended up stabbing into the ground, inches from Jimmy’s head. Jimmy let out a low sound of frustration, viciously jabbing his elbow back and unable to keep the satisfied smile off his face when his elbow connected with something solid, resulting in a shout of pain and frustration from Scott. The moment of victory was short lived as Jimmy tried to scramble up, but was yanked back down by Scott again.

The two of them grappled for control, each of them trying to get to their own sword but being pulled back by the other. Eventually Scott ended up on top of Jimmy, hands pinning his wrists to the ground and nose barely an inch from his. Both of them were breathing heavily, and Scott’s hair was rather disheveled from their fight, a few strands hanging from their usual place and brushing Jimmy’s forehead. And inexplicably, all Jimmy could think about was how he could kiss Scott if he wanted to. They were practically sharing the same air, and Scott was looking at him with something burning in his eyes despite the icy tone of their hue- Jimmy’s face flushed at the sudden rush of thoughts, how vividly he could envision the feel of Scott's lips on his own. Scott’s burning expression turned curious, and he smirked in a way that sent Jimmy’s stomach flip-flopping not unpleasantly. Scott shifted, until his breath was ghosting Jimmy’s ear- and oh this is how Jimmy died. Not with a sword through his stomach, but with whatever Scott was doing to make his insides squirm like that.

“If I had known you liked being pinned, I would have done so much sooner,” Scott said in a low croon, and whatever Jimmy had been feeling before was quickly replaced by irritation. He wanted nothing more than to shove Scott off of him, but seeing as his hands were pinned, he couldn’t.

“Get off of me,” Jimmy growled. Scott let out a short, low chuckle, and Jimmy internally cursed his body for shivering at the resulting breath against his ear.

“That’s not how this works, we’re fighting,” Scott said with amusement lacing his tone.

“Oh really? Cause you seemed very interested in something else a few moments ago,” Jimmy huffed, turning his head to try and glare at Scott. Scott relented and shifted so he was looking Jimmy in the eyes again.

“Only because you were blushing, you idiot,” Scott retorted with a laugh.

“I was not blushing! I just… my face gets red very easily, and fighting takes physical effort!” Jimmy protested.

“Uh huh,” Scott said with an unimpressed stare. Jimmy scrambled to think of something to say back, to maybe unbalance Scott as much as the winged elf had unbalanced him- but any train of thought was halted by a disapproving voice.

“You two are either getting along too well or you aren’t getting along at all,” Katherine said, and both Scott and Jimmy’s heads whipped over to see the head of House Blossom glaring at the two of them with her arms crossed.

“Oh. Hi, Katherine,” Scott said with a sheepish grin.

“Don’t you ‘hi, Katherine’ me! I knew sending you over her alone was a bad idea,” Katherine snapped, and Scott had the decency to look at least a little embarrassed.

“I don’t think Jimmy was complaining about this turn of events,” he muttered. Jimmy glared up at Scott incredulously.

“I very much AM complaining, get off of me!” he protested. Scott finally relented with a sigh, letting go of Jimmy’s wrists before getting up, wings shaking out any dirt and a hand smoothing his hair back to where it should be. Jimmy scowled, getting up as well, brushing the dirt off himself and adjusting his cod head. Scott walked over to where his sword was still buried in the ground and yanked it out with a grimace, looking it over before sheathing it. Jimmy’s sword was still lying a little ways away, and he walked over to it with a sigh.

“So what argument were you having before you decided it was necessary to solve it through swordfighting?” Katherine asked, disapproval lacing her voice.

“Jimmy pushed me off the roof,” Scott replied with a shrug.

“You pushed first! And you said my roofs were terrible!” Jimmy protested.

“I poked you, and your roofs are bad! That’s just a fact!” Scott retorted. Jimmy opened his mouth to reply, but was cut off by Katherine coming to stand in between them. Jimmy hadn’t even realized that they were moving closer to each other until Katherine had stepped in.

“That’s enough! Scott, I told you to be nice, and Jimmy I thought you were gonna try not to let things get to you too much!” Katherine reprimanded, gaze switching between the two of them. Both of them were silent for a moment, each looking a little sheepish but neither one wanting to be the first to own up to what they said. Jimmy’s eyes met Katherine’s, and she gestured towards Scott with a pointed expression. Scott looked baffled for a moment, while Jimmy simply sighed as he begrudgingly gave in to what Katherine was undoubtedly expecting. Jimmy looked to Scott, and the winged elf jumped slightly at the sudden solemn eye contact.

“I’m sorry for pushing you, I was frustrated and let my emotions get the better of me,” Jimmy said softly, and Scott blinked in surprise at the sincere apology. He was silent for a moment, until Katherine cleared her throat expectantly. Scott sighed, rubbing the back of his neck with a nervous laugh.

“I.. I’m sorry too. I was trying to get a rise out of you, and I guess I shouldn’t have reacted so… extremely when I succeeded in that. And your roofs are… acceptable,” Scott said, looking like saying the last statement caused him physical pain. Jimmy laughed good-naturedly.

“You don’t have to lie about my roofs Scott, it’s fine. I know they could never compare to the grand-ness of Rivendell’s buildings- but apology accepted all the same,” Jimmy said, a pleasant bubbly feeling growing in his stomach at Scott’s resulting smile. Katherine looked far too pleased with herself as she grinned as her gaze shifted between the two of them. Scott was still looking at Jimmy though, something almost calculating in his expression, but softer. More… intrigued, maybe? Jimmy couldn’t quite decipher it. Scott suddenly looked away, clearing his throat.

“Well I uh… I think I’ve kept you long enough. From… doing whatever it was you uh. Were doing. Bye!” Scott said, taking off before Jimmy had a chance to say goodbye or even wave. Jimmy watched until Scott’s form grew smaller and smaller in the sky, feeling hopelessly confused. Katherine patted his arm gently, Jimmy only slightly jumping at the touch as he turned to look at her.

“Now that wasn’t so bad! Maybe the next meeting will actually go smoothly for once,” Katherine said brightly. Jimmy chuckled, looking back up at the sky, even if Scott was no longer in view.

“I think that’s a bit much to hope for us,” he said remorsefully. But all the same… he hoped that maybe Katherine was right.

-

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[vizowrites]

“We” vs “Me”| or “Why BlitzStrike Works So Well For Me But Stolitz [as of episode 6].....Doesn’t”

Alright my Loves, so I said that I was going to talk in further detail about my feelings regarding Stolas and the multi-layered portrayal of his relationship with Blitz in the new episode, and today’s the day where that happens!!  First of all, though, before I really get into my feelings about things, I want to just make it ABUNDANTLY clear that I’m not trying to sway anyone from one side to the other, or trying to shame anyone for shipping two fictional characters.  I’m fully in the boat that you are completely entitled to ship whoever you want, but I also think it’s wise to at least be able to recognize the faults and flaws in a pairing--and especially to be able to recognize them in the context of an IRL relationship.  In this analysis in particular, I’m specifically focusing on these two relationships within the realm of the Helluva Boss universe [......Hell] and within the specific context of their characters as they’ve been portrayed in the show thus far.  And, my biggest disclaimer of all: I’m doing this for no other reason than I felt like putting my jumbled thoughts together into a cohesive post so that they don’t have to stay bouncing and buzzing around in my head.  Please keep that in mind that this is just pure personal opinion and interpretation before anyone comes at me with torches and pitchforks.  <3 <3 

SO WITH THAT LONG ASS DISCLAIMER OUT OF THE WAY 

Let’s finally get to the good stuff.  And the not so good stuff.  :D

So I don’t think it’s a surprise to anyone who follows me here that I’m a huge BlitzStrike fan.  What I think fewer people know is that when I first entered the fandom a few months ago, I actually was on board the Stolitz train like so many others that I’ve met here in the fandom.  Naturally Stolitz was the first major pairing I was introduced to, and I did find both the characters of Blitz and Stolas incredibly interesting and compelling in their own rights AND saw the potential in how they could really come to grow into one hell of a relationshp over time.  I was honestly really excited to see it happen, too.  

And then I watched Episode 5 [still my favorite episode, btw] for the first time and had this sudden question hit me like a truck that even now is still relentlessly burning in the back of my mind because I still haven’t found a legitimate answer for it: Why in the FUCK wasn’t Blitz falling head-over-heels in attraction to Striker throughout this fucking episode??

And I don’t mean that in a “They’re so hot and I ship them now why didn’t they get together?? DX DX” kind of way--I mean that in the genuinely perplexed “I don’t understand based on what has been presented to me thus far about Blitz as a character and the storyline overall why he’s reacting so nonchalantly to this whole thing”.  To Note: This is me wondering this from the context of what’s in the show itself, not from any extra fan materials like the Instas or Twitter or just straight up knowing that the most likely answer is that there are people on the creative team that ship Stolitz really hard and realistically wouldn’t have probably written Blitz as being attracted to Striker because that would just be--to quote Jack Sparrow--blowing holes in their own ship.  No, this is me disregarding ALL of that and trying to rationalize this with myself from the perspective of a fan whose entire knowledge of the show and its characters comes exclusively from what’s in the episodes themselves.  .....And that’s where I just can’t find my answer, except for the Stolitz positive “He’s not attracted to Striker because he’s in love with Stolas” answer.  Which really doesn’t even feel like a satisfying answer, because the entire vibe I’ve gotten from Stolitz in the show has just felt.....strangely.....off.  Like, the framework is there and the elements are there, but I’d felt as though they had so far to go still that it would be entire SEASONS before they got there.    

And THEN the new episode [Episode 6] came out and I’d heard a handful of fans going crazy because the show was finally addressing Stolitz in full, and I thought to myself, “Well, maybe if the show really is going to go with saying that the reason Blitz wasn’t interested in Striker is because he’s in love with Stolas.....sure.  I’m curious to see how they finally establish it in an episode, especially since there’s only two more episodes left in the entire first season.”  And then I watched the episode.  And then it hit me why Stolitz just does not do a damn thing for me but BlitzStrike does despite the fact that we’ve had 4/6 episodes [5/7 if you count the Pilot] of Stolitz but only 1/6 [1/7] of potential--not even canonical--BlitzStrike:

When Striker talks about Blitz, or interacts with Blitz, he always talks about them as a “we”.  As a team.  A partnership.  OR he just straight up puts the entire focus on Blitz and his accomplishments and keeps himself out of it entirely.

When Stolas talks about Blitz, he always talks about them within the context of “me”--of himself--of what Blitz does or should do for him.  Even here in episode 6, in the most “selfless” instance we’ve seen yet, where he does ask about Blitz’s safety first BEFORE going right back into how Blitz’s actions affect him and what Blitz should be doing in response for him.  Stolas’s focus is always automatically set to himself--and even when it comes to the people he supposedly loves the most.  

To explain what I mean here, let me give some examples directly from the show itself, starting with the Stolas side of things: 

Episode 1

Blitz, in the middle of trying to hide so much that he actually clamps both of his hands over his mouth just to muffle the sound of his own breathing, knowing damn well that this psychotic bitch who already shot him once won’t hesitate to do it again if she finds him.....gets a call from Stolas.  Stolas, who we clearly see from his leisurely hang out time in his bubble bath, is literally watching this happen and is fully aware that calling Blitz right then was potentially putting him in danger. But what does he say when he gets Blitz on the phone?  He offers--not help--but Blitz the use of his book in exchange for monthly sex.  Stolas literally uses Blitz’s peril as leverage here--consciously or not, though given the fact that he knows the situation at hand, I’d find it very hard to argue that he didn’t do this on purpose--just to get him to agree to be his bootycall until further notice.  

Stolas not only doesn’t lift a finger to help Blitz once in all of this--even at the moment where he and Millie are about to be shot in the face--but instead continues to stay on the phone talking about all of the things he wants for their upcoming future rendezvous.  He already got exactly what he wanted out of this and he still just continues to go for more for himself.

Episode 2

.....There are honestly so many fucked up things that happen here as far as Stolas and his relationship with Blitz goes but honestly the thing I want to draw the MOST attention to is actually Stolas’s storyline with his daughter, Octavia.  I know it’s a little left field, but bear with me--this is actually something I want to use as comparison for Stolas’s relationship to Blitz as we go along:

When Stolas first decides that he’s going to take his daughter to Loo Loo Land, he does so while completey setting aside the fact that she doesn’t want to go.  He just offers her assurances that it’s going to be so much fun because he remembers that she loved it so much when she was a little girl--effectively putting his memory above her wishes even as she’s sitting right there and telling him that she doesn’t enjoy the idea of going now.  

Stolas doesn’t actually notice just how uncomfortable he’s making Octavia throuhought their entire trip by spending his time sexually harassing paying more attention to Blitz than he is trying to cheer her up.  This tells me that Stolas--though I do believe he genuinely wanted to do something to make her happy--still wasn’t able to completely overcome his own self-centered tendencies at first even when it’s for her.  And this is the person that Stolas loves more than anyone or anything else in the entire world. It still wasn’t enough.

It’s only when Octavia runs off and completely breaks down that Stolas finally gets the much needed slap-to-the-face of reality to understand just what he’s putting his daughter through--and, for the first time in the entire show, he actually puts someone else’s needs and well being above himself.  It’s the one solid honest display of love that we see from Stolas in the entire show--and it’s how we as the audience come to learn that that’s how Stolas shows that he loves someone: When he puts their needs above his own with no strings attached or expectations of something in return.  A true selfless act just because he loves them.  **Keep in mind the parallel of Stolas carrying Octavia out of Loo Loo Land at the end, and how it compares to Stolas carrying Blitz out of D.H.O.R.K.S headquarters.

Episode 5

The. Fucking. Cigarette.  I had no idea that something so small and quick would be able to infuriate me as much as it did, but the fact that Blitz used the post sex cigarette to free Stolas from his wrist bondage but then Stolas turned around and put the cigarette out on Blitz’s horn which is literally a part of Blitz’s body just.....honestly it sums up exactly what I’m trying to get across in this entire huge ass post: Stolas only ever thinks of himself first and anything pertaining to anyone else just doesn’t cross his mind at all unless you blatantly put it there in front of his face.  And the fact that he’s still at this point with Blitz all the way here in Episode 5 is not.....promising for their relationship.

The fact that Stolas literally cannot stop himself from calling Blitz “Blitzy” or talking to him in such a condescending way no matter how frustrated Blitz gets and how many times he asks him to stop.  I just--how is that supposed to be interpreted as someone talking to a person that they love?  There’s no respect or dignity given to Blitz at all on Stolas’s part, and the fact that it seems to be presented as a “Oh teehee it’s just their cute couple thing” is just.....I really, really don’t like that.  It also doesn’t match with the Stolas in the very next episode which I quite frankly think is because the creators have been listening to the feedback from fans and were like “We need to SHOW THEM that Stolas actually does speak to Blitz respectfully!!” but that’s just my personal opinion there and, also, it still didn’t happen.  

Episode 6 

Keeping in mind that THIS is finally the episode where we see Stolas actually save Blitz from danger and demonstrate even the slightest inclination towards his well-being.....I think that honestly makes the next few things here even more fucked up

First and foremost: “WE”.  The second after Stolas asks if Blitz is alright and gets the assurance that he is, he roughly grabs his cheek and points out that “If you get in trouble, I get in trouble!  WE don’t want that”.  The fact that this is the first time that Stolas ever talks about Blitz in the context of “we”--when really what he’s really saying is that him [Stolas] getting in trouble is going to be a bad thing for all of them--is just.....so, so disappointing.  At least with this I could hope that perhaps the idea here is that Stolas is genuinely afraid that if he gets in trouble, he won’t be able to protect Blitz from the undoubtedly much worse trouble that he would be in as an imp, but still.  The fact that Stolas immediately reverts back to his self-centered perspective so quickly after supposedly being so worried about Blitz’s wellbeing, really makes it seem as though it’s just his own ass that he’s trying to protect.  And that.....isn’t  exactly what I’d been expecting from “the episode that confirms Stolitz is canon” feedback I’d been hearing.

"Am I going to get ANY thank you for the rescue Bltizy?”  This for me was kind of what actually lead to me having this whole epiphany over Stolas’s selfish perspective in the first place.  I realized that even here--even when he’s just been the most “romantic” towards Blitz that he’s ever been in any previous episodes up until now [and yes this shift in his character was incredibly jarring for me because of that]--Stolas still goes right back to thinking about what he’s going to get out of this now that he knows Blitz is safe.  Let’s take this back to that thing I was saying about Episode 2 and comparing how Stolas rescued Octavia and how he rescues Blitz.  Obviously they’re going to be different because it’s Stolas’s daughter vs his hook up BUT just think about where the focus is for Stolas in both of these scenes.  With Octavia, Stolas is entirely focused on making things up to her--taking her to do something she wants to do--even if it’s something that he himself doesn’t fully understand or isn’t fully into.  That doesn’t matter though, because the entire point is that he’s doing something just for her.  It doesn’t have to be about him.  But now go back to the scene where Stolas is carrying Blitz out of the room.  What does he do?  Ask what Blitz is going to do for him.  That just takes the idea that this scene was a confirmation of their love and throws it right out the window.  Stolas--as we’ve been shown before--would never ask for something in return from someone that he actually loves.  

Now let’s take a look at the one and only episode we have of Striker and Blitz interacting together, with an honorary shout out at hallucination!Striker’s appearance in Episode 6: 

Episode 5: 

Striker knows Blitz’s name.....and he uses it.  He’s literally the ONLY other character that we’ve seen so far refer to Blitz as “Blitz” instead of “Blitzo” or “Blitzy” by someone who wasn’t a member of I.M.P..  Aka someone who wasn’t a member of Blitz’s family.  He shows Blitz respect at that basest level, and only builds on that from there going forward.

Striker first recognizes Blitz for being “the bold imp that started his own killin’ biz”.  Not his hotness, not his skills in the Harvest Moon games because at that point he hasn’t seen them yet.....but for his accomplishment in starting up his own successful business down in Hell.  He treats it as an accomplishment.  With the kind of respect that comes with acknowledging another person for their accomplishments.  Right there, within two seconds of meeting him, Striker demonstrates more respect for Blitz than Stolas has yet to do in the entire show.

The Harvest Moon Festival Games.  Now this is something I find fascinating to think about from Striker’s perspective in particular.  We as the audience are shown pretty early on that Striker has a strong desire to be the one who comes out on top.  He likes the idea of being superior and he openly relishes in the praise and attention he gets for being better than everybody else.  ....Except Blitz.  When they tie in the games, Striker doesn’t seem bothered with sharing the spotlight with him at all.  If anything, he--again--respects just how skilled Blitz is in rightfully earning his place beside him on the stage.  That, to me, is HUGE.  I’m not going to go so far as to say that Striker necessarily sees them as equals because I think that might be going a bit too far for his ego but he does still fully acknowledge that Blitz is in the same general class as him: that is to say, better than most.  Worthy of the same kind of acknowledgement and praise that Striker gets.  I literally can’t get over just how big of a thing that is for what we’ve been shown of Striker’s character, and I think it’s unfortunately something that’s incredibly easy to miss or gloss over. :(

And now--for what I personally think is the most significant thing of all--we have: “We”.  How many times does Striker suggest during that final scene between them that he really wants Blitz to join forces with him as equals?  He never demands that Blitz join up with him, he doesn’t threaten him into joining up with him--Striker barely even hurts Blitz at all during their fight scene compared to how he tried to straight up murder Moxxie--and, most of all, Striker continues to acknowledge that Blitz deserves better than his current arrangement with Stolas.  And he’s right.  But instead of putting it as “I’M right and this is why you should do this”, he always puts his focus on Blitz himself, or the two of them together as a partnership:  “You are so above sucking on a a digusting rich pompous Goetia” | “We could be the most dangerous beings in Hell, Blitz” | “You could partner up with me and klll the unkillable--starting with the one that treats you like a plaything”.  It’s just--I honestly can’t believe it’s taken me this long to put together why Striker appeals so much more to me as a romantic interest for Blitz, but really breaking it down episode by episode and comparing the differences in wording between Striker and Stolas’s dialogue when it comes to Blitz is just.....holy shit. 

Honorary ShoutOut of Episode 6: 

The fact that the only thing hallucination Striker has to say to him is “But you don’t want to do things alone Blitzo!” is really, really interesting to me in the fact that he’s.....not......wrong??  Like, To be fair, Striker, RoboFizz, and Verosika all spill their harsh truths, but the thing is.....Striker’s is markedly different in that his wording really isn’t harsh or aggressive at all the way the other two are.  He’s just kinda stating a fact in an overexaggerated way because tripping balls hallucination sequence.  It’s very interesting to me that that’s the worst that Blitz can imagine him to say--as well as the fact that halluci!Striker calls him “Blitzo”, which is really weird considering that Striker’s never called him “Blitzo” once in the entire show.  Makes me kinda wonder where that came from tbh. 

Alright so, in conclusion of this very long and rambly styie post: I want to take things back to where I started by reiterating that this is not me trying to convince anyone that BlitzStrike is “right” and Stolitz is “wrong”, or that you should stop shipping what you’re shipping in the fandom.  This was just me honestly getting way more excited than I should’ve been over having my “Eureka!” moment for realizing why this new episode didn’t put me back on the Stolitz train like it did for so many other people--and why, in fact, it actually made me think even more favorably of the idea of Blitz and Striker being together.  

Thanks for sticking around with me for this very long read, I hope you found it interesting, and I really really hope that it didn’t piss anyone off or rub too many people the wrong way.  Like I said at the beginning, ship who you want to ship!!  That’s part of the fun of being in a fandom.  I’m just hoping that this might help make it easier to understand at least one perspective on why Stolitz is seen as being so problematic as a ship [as of where they are right now].  

Here’s to seeing where things go from here!! 

[quantumlocked310]

Summon Up Remembrance

@deans-ch-ch-cherrypie​. Cherrypie. My friend. My OG. My Vikings Mom. My shared braincell about everything Hvitty. You encouraged me to put myself out there and talk to people. You’ve given me some of my best ideas. You’re an amazing human who works so hard both in fandom and irl. I’m so happy I took the plunge and wrote you Bjornekram so we could start up this wonderful friendship. Congratulations on your 500 followers! Every single one is well-deserved.

So! In order to celebrate our love, I’ve tortured myself and Hvitty with this story inspired by The Little Match Girl. I’d say “Enjoy!,” but I have a feeling that’s not the right word...

Summary: What if Ivar hadn’t found Hvitserk in that cold forest in time?

Warnings: not a happy time, depression, graphic descriptions of violence, major character death, loss, despair, drug use, oral sex female receiving

Note: Title from Shakespeare’s Sonnet 30

Don’t forget to tap the moodboard to see it in its highest quality!

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He’d used his last coin to buy the matches. Everything else had already been spent on the sweet release the mushrooms and drink provided him. His greatest triumph bled into his deepest failure when Bjorn sentenced him to live in the frozen forest. He knew it would not be long. His half-brother had given him painful and terrible mercy. Already he could no longer feel his toes, and his hair was stiff with ice.

His first match is useless. Scraped against the frozen rocks he huddles behind for some semblance of shelter. He knows he’s going to die, but he’d like to have a last taste of heat before he goes. Even the memory of the bright burning flames of his execution can no longer keep the shivering at bay. The cold and wet sticks he’d gathered couldn’t catch, even with the pine needles he’d found to shove under the bundle.

He is resigned to no fire and no hope. Only four matches to keep him company. The last vestiges of drink and drugs are leaving his body aching and freezing; his hands have barely enough movement to strike the next match. He watches this one burn. Its tiny flame dancing merrily along the wood. In its flickering he sees a better time; his favorite feast.

He’d been younger then, and happier. Not yet burdened with a legacy and revenge. The feast fires had kept him warm inside the packed great hall, and his belly had been full of food and satisfied with drink. It was the night he learned a woman might prefer his mouth over his other parts, and he’d been fascinated. The thrall he’d danced with had taken him aside and shared in his body, and shown him things other women hadn’t yet taught him. Their copulation was in a side room; their sounds of pleasure hidden by the noise in the hall. He remembers the delicious wet heat of her body against his tongue, and the way she whimpered and begged so sweetly for him.

The match goes out and Hvitserk is thrust out of the memory. He grows melancholy as he remembers the thrall was killed by horse hoof to the head when she was cleaning the stables one day. A horrible accident.

He scrambles for the next match. Wanting to leave this new remembrance aside and see something joyful once more. The next match strike flares bright in front of his eyes and he hears the clang of axes on swords. His best battle. He’d felt invincible that day. Bobbing and weaving in between English soldiers. Feeling the thunk of his axe as he buries it in the flesh of his enemies. The sweet and terrible smell of blood and guts and fresh mud. Hearing screams and battle cries around him as the Vikings cut a swath through the English forces. Getting to fight alongside his brothers, and seeing the prideful look in Ubbe’s face when he swoops in at the last moment to save his older brother from danger. Ubbe.

The match goes out, and the cold rushes into Hvitserk’s head. His despair is palpable. Ubbe could not let him die as he’d wished for on that fiery spit. But Ubbe let him walk into this cold and certain death demanded by Bjorn.

His saddened breath rattles his chest, and he feels the exhaustion in his bones; the wet snow seeping further and further into his clothing to numb his skin. The stinging tears falling from his red-rimmed eyes freeze to his cheeks, and he is barely able to lift a hand to strike the match. The tears fall faster as he stares into the flickering orange and gold to find a moment of peace.

They’re all there. Ivar, Ubbe, Sigurd, and Hvitserk. The four of them that beautiful spring day, together in the forest trading blows of the sword and the axe. Even their verbal sparring brings a smile to his disheveled face. He remembers going toe to toe with Sigurd, and being equally matched with Ivar. The rush of adrenaline in the fight is a distant comfort, and he dwells again upon youth; how young they all were. Naive and furious; untouched by the horrors that awaited them.

The match goes out and shivers wrack Hvitserk’s body. He sobs and shakes as he memorializes the family he will never see again.

Desire floods his system. The desire he’s always had to escape, to be someone he is not, to chase the dreams he had but could never fulfill. He weeps for his brothers, his mother, and his father. The most torturous thoughts follow, and he mourns and cries for himself. For the person he will never be. For the women he loved, and the children he never gave them.

This is his last one. The last chance to see his loved ones again. To see his brothers happy and together and alive again. Perhaps he will catch a glimpse of Thora or Margrette in this last memory. He draws strength from this small hope.

His breaths rattle and he lights the match. In the tiny flame it is his mother. How tall she felt when he was a child. She is loving peering down at his small frame as he plays with a wooden horse from Floki. Her smile is radiant as she talks to him. Asking him about the horse and the world inside his mind. Her tone is warm and loving, and it floods his body with a final burst of heat.

The match goes out and Hvitserk’s hand falls. In front of him his mother hasn’t left. Standing there like she was in his memory, with a gentle, proud smile on her regal face. She raises her hand, palm up, open and beckoning him. He rises and falls deeply into his mother’s embrace, clutching at her silken robes that catch the salty tears still falling down his face.

“Come, my son. You have done well. We must go to meet your father and brother.” Aslaug wraps her arms around her beautiful boy and holds him close. She feels his sorrow and his perfect joy as their souls connect and ascend.

Some hours later the stomping of boots and the rattle of wheels can be heard in the forest. Ivar looks to his side, observing the landscape around him, and his eyes are drawn to a cluster of rocks. They’re not at all interesting he thinks, but a strong winter wind whips past his face, and the rocks flutter in the wind. No, not the rocks. The hood of the person hunched behind them.

Ivar calls for a halt and carefully climbs down from his rig. He doesn’t know why, but he knows he has to see who it is for himself. His heart is pounding, and his instincts are screaming, and when he rounds the cluster he sees why.

The body is Hvitserk.

White hot rage floods his body, and Ivar lets out a primal scream. His sorrow and pain released in one powerful sound. Tears flood his eyes and freeze on his cheeks. He gestures to the closest soldiers to help carry his brother. They can barely lift him; Hvitserk has frozen in place, but Ivar is determined to give his brother the Viking funeral he deserves.

Ivar cries and mourns, and swears that he will seek revenge on his brothers in Kattegat who shoved one of their own into the wild to die. They did not even allow his fearsome brother the warrior’s death he deserved. What Ivar misses in his incandescent rage is the sweet smile on Hvitserk’s frozen face. Ivar should be celebrating, because as he was not in life Hvitserk is euphoric in his death; together with those he loved and lost once again. The image of rapturous bliss frozen forever in time on the face of his mortal body.

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If you want to read other stuff I write here’s my masterlist!

Taglist: @deans-ch-ch-cherrypie @punkrocknpearls @solinarimoon @alexhandersen-marcoilsoe-fandom @southernbe @vikingstrash​

Photos are not mine they are from Pinterest.

[uhthor]

This is completely unprompted but when I was younger the only two marvel super-heroes I knew were spider-man and the hulk. Everyone else was from dc. (Not that I was aware that there were comic book companies but w/e). I didn’t know Thor or Iron Man or Black Widow or Cap or Black Panther or anyone else lol. Obviously I was familiar with spider-man because of Tobey’s movies and it being superpopular with kids my age. However I was really familiar with the hulk too. His face was kind of everywhere that was related to fitness. And in commercials for “manly” things like cars and axe deodorant. There was (and still is lol) a famous football player nicknamed after the hulk because of how big he is. And it was my dream to go to the incredible hulk ride at universal studios bc every kid that got to go would come back bragging about it. And despite not reading comics, he kinda terrified me lol bc I was familiar enough with his story to know that he was a normal looking dude that would completely lose it from time to time. I’m saying this bc there was a time when the hulk was the second most popular marvel hero and I’d say he was in the top five most well known super-heroes (by the general public outside of America). He left an impression on people. So it baffles me how little marvel has explored this character. With each movie they let him fall further and further into the background. They completely stripped him from everything that made him interesting and turned him into a supporting character in everyone else’s story. I mean they had Ed Norton and then Mark Ruffalo who are both top tier actors and did nothing with it. The only time he got to shine was in the first Avengers and that was it. It really blows my mind lol. Like I can’t comprehend why they didn’t make better use of this character. He probably has the richest comic book history out of all the Avengers, second only to cap (bc he exists since literally WW2). So much stuff to work with and they did nothing? I don’t get it lol

omg hi anon i’m sorry this reply is so late!!

ALLLLL OF THIS!!!! bruce is so interesting and he gets paid DUST!!!!!

the hulk ride at universal omg…. i went there when i was 11 and was so excited to go on it only to be too terrified when i arrived and saw it irl 😭

i think one of the reasons that he’s fallen into the background is because a) marvel don’t know what to do with him and haven’t found a writer who does b) don’t have access to a lot of his material because he is still technically property of sony and c) moving him over to the mcu and recasting him wouldn’t have helped (even though i much prefer mark as bruce)

we need a dark and gritty origin movie for him in mcu canon. on a similar level of dark and mysterious as MoM was because i feel like bruce definitely would fit that kind of vibe in an origin story. i mean that line in A1 when he admitted to trying to take his own life…. fury, steve and tony just IGNORED that? they asked a mentally unstable man to relive his traumas over and over again in order to fight battles he didn’t even want to in the first place…

i say it all the time but it’s true: ragnarok is the ONLY exploration of bruce where we truly see his inner conflict and relationship with hulk - they work out their differences and we see both sides of their stories and bruce actually comes to terms with hulk being there and them trying to work together which is especially huge after the absolute shitshow he went through in AoU where he was terrified to live in case he hurt people. even that deserved more of an arc really, one that could’ve taken us to an even darker side of bruce and find him on rock bottom ready to work on himself and his relationship with hulk/hulk and the public.

i wish he would’ve gotten the treatment marc spector got. i wish they’d have known each other if i’m honest because they are the only ones that may be able to support and understand each other. and while i’m so glad we got the rep we did with how they handled marc’s character, i wanted that for bruce, too :(

[sa-nddd]

Bestie Headcanons

being besties with the dream smp characters.

idk, I was looking through pintrest and saw a bunch of bestie pics, so I thought I'd write something 'bout it.

Dream

would totally be the kind to carry you everywhere.

just walks up to you, leans down and throws you over his shoulder.

"Where are we going, again?"

if you are wearing a skirt or dress, he would pick you up bridal style, making sure to be wary of the length of it.

this mf-

he would be a meanie.

but like, also a sweetie.

would steal your food, then offer you the rest of his meal.

if you need anything, he's got it.

cuddles. all day. every day. 25/8

man's just wants attention.

would force you to get into the cart to push you around the store.

Sapnap

definetly the type to wanna wear matching fits.

if he sees a shirt he likes, he gets one in your size, too.

When he's streaming, you are in the room or house.

If he's not, you two are at your place

not ashamed to ask for affection.

you guys go on drives and listen to different playlist depending on your moods.

you have eachothers passwords to everything.

he constantly posts from your account.

the fans love when he does.

he sometimes posts without knowing it's yours LMAO

you guys always make eachother playlists.

he probably forced you to start streaming with him.

if you aren't together, you are definitely on facetime.

he would let you paint his nails tbh.

George

He seems like he wouldn't be clingy, but i think otherwise.

Man's just has trouble trusting people.

He needs comfort, so you provide that for him.

his pets love you.

would be the type to buy something if it reminds him of you.

he's a bit of a introvert, so you guys stay home alot.

when he's streaming, you are either making a cameo in the background, or doing something around the house.

you just lay in his bed on your phone, or doing school work or something.

maybe fixing a shirt or sewing something.

chat always says hi to you.

then he got his green screen.

chat was upset that they couldn't see you, so he had to lower it to get you to wave from your spot on the bed.

chat was happy after.

Quackity

Alex definitely has you on his streams.

whether it be a short cameo or a bit he thought of, he likes your company.

on stream, he would be annoying, yelling for a CapriSun or something.

off stream, he's a sweetheart.

If you even mention something, he's bringing it to you.

You guys go shopping together.

You always steal his button ups. they low-key really comfy.

he constantly steals your phone.

you tease him alot, just like chat.

chat fucking loves you.

if he starts streaming and you haven't showed up, they are yelling at him.

Sometimes, you dress up to match Alex.

Like during his cooking stream, you randomly popped up in the middle of it wearing a nice black dress.

you guys play music together often.

you sing along to the songs he plays, and chat loves it.

they beg you to sing together every stream.

Karl

oh boy

this man, this man

fucking sweetheart all around.

always puts you first.

the type to physically perk up when your are with him.

when you walk in when he's streaming,

"Y/N!!!"

*tackles you*

"karl I saw you five minutes ago-"

"and?"

...

he's adorable. a smol puppy.

he's constantly clinging to you.

at the store? arms linked.

streaming? holding your hand.

no seriously, if you guys got in an argument you would sit with your backs together and pinkies linked.

he would probably drag you to his Mr. Beast things.

you are like his emotional support human :>

he also likes to match.

he makes you wear outfits he picked out to do insta photoshoots.

mirror pics. that's it. that's the post.

the fans love it.

another to let you paint his nails.

he shows chat when you do.

"LOOK CHAT!!!" *shows off his purple nails*

y'all use nicknames.

like, mine irl is nana, so I'ma use that one.

"Nana, can you tell dream to stop killing me?" *pouts*

"Of course, bubba." *proceeds to murder dream for fucking with karl*

Tommy

he is totally not clingy.

you can totally go hang out with other people.

it's not like he blows up your phone and whines when you do.

totally not

anyways

he's the kind to bully you, but it's somehow affectionate?

going by my height, you are short. 5'1 to be exact.

so obviously, he's gonna tease you about it

"You are so fucking short lmaooo fucking ant"

*cue you kicking his ankles*

"WHAT THE FUCK Y/N"

he's actually very different off camera.

he's a lot quieter, and he is very passionate.

he likes to give you hugs.

hugs you at least 40 times a day.

I don't make the rules :)

Tubbo

chaotic asf

cuddly asf

and overall just a bundle of sunshine.

he be the kind to learn different things to do them for you.

he watched a bunch of videos to learn how to braid your hair.

he's a professional now.

he also learned how to paint nails, do makeup, and straighten hair.

he is full of surprises.

you two have a modded server with a bunch of his streamer friends, but it's not public info.

You were the one who introduced him to ukulele and the keyboard.

you have the friendship where you do everything together.

if one of you wants to try something, the other will, too.

Ranboo

you guys' humor? immaculate.

the type of friends who are akward with everyone BUT eachother.

you guys can be so awkward, but that all goes put the window when you are together.

you go on random trips to Walmart just to run around the toy isle.

you guys take turns pushing the basket and being in it.

basically yin and yang.

you are the more out going person, and he's more self reserved.

Your parents are so used to you guys being together, that they don't question when one of you comes over anymore.

your texts are so fucking chaotic

no one can understand them but you two.

you guys are the type to make up a secret code LMAO

he got his fashion sense from you.

Wilbur

your friendship is iconic.

the type of friends that would most likely end up in jail together KEKW

everyone is envy of you two.

he taught you how to sing and play guitar.

you do vocals for his songs sometimes.

You go ghost hunting together often

you have so many aesthetically pleasing polaroids of eachother.

Chat loves when you appear on his streams.

you are constantly checking oh his mental health, because knowing your best friend was hurting badly at one point hurts you.

just the thought that he was in so much pain at one point makes you physically ill.

He worries for you, too.

He knows what it feels like, and he doesn't want you to go through that.

you guys support eachother so much it's wholesome

when he does singing streams, he sometimes drags you to sing with him.

you guys cry together sometimes, and it is honestly refreshing.

over all very chaotic and emotional.

Niki

besties.

people wish they had your friendship.

you both can't stick to one aesthetic LMAO

you share clothes and things alot.

she loves having you on her streams, her chat does aswell.

you take alot of pictures together.

you both do alot of wholesome things, like bake and plant.

you are eachother's hype women.

she's taller than you, so her clothes are more baggy.

which you love, it's apart of your main aesthetic.

you have a ton of sleepovers.

you paint eachother's nails often.

you love her hugs, they are so warm and comforting.

you make sure she's happy, and she does the same to you.

you both speak in german alot, and if you didn't know it, she taught you it.

very wholesome and cute. 10/10 recommend.