#i wish someone would call me when it’s 11 pm and i’m still at work

[leemeanhoe]

bought some milk and ice cream three days ago ‘cause i was craving a milkshake and you know what i haven’t had in the last three days? fucking guess

[chelseachilly]

king of my heart - pt 5

i’ll be there if you’re the toast of the town, babe or if you strike out and you’re crawling home

pairing: reader x ben chilwell summary: now officially dating, you can’t help but miss your boyfriend while he’s away on international duty warnings: none for this chapter :) word count: 3.1k

a/n: thank you all for your lovely responses to this fic! just as a bit of an fyi, i’m not exactly following the game schedule for the euro qualifiers bc i just cba honestly haha <3

see my masterlist for previous chapters

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yourusername

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yourusername Life lately

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charlottewright I spy a certain someone 😉❄️

yourusername 😏

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Dating Ben Chilwell turns out to be even better than you imagined.

You’re happier than you’ve ever been when you’re with him, whether it’s a Monday evening cuddling on his sofa watching Succession or a Saturday at Stamford Bridge watching him dominate on the pitch.

The only drawback is that it’s difficult for you to squeeze in this time together between his intense training schedule and you entering a busy time of year at work.

You despise it when he has an away game and you’re forced to spend the night apart, as you’ve grown accustomed to sleeping next to him. Even when he’s exhausted from training or you have to work late, you usually end up making your way to the other’s place and crashing there.

So when the season ends and Ben has to leave for international break, you can’t help but dread the separation.

You’re incredibly happy for him, knowing how much it means to be called up for the national team once again, but you hate the fact that he’s going to be gone for weeks.

“I wish you could come with me,” Ben whines as you lay in bed together.

He has to leave soon to go to the England training camp, where he’ll be for the next week before flying to Italy and then Malta for the qualifiers. In total, it will only be two weeks, but as you’ve hardly gone 24 hours apart since you began officially dating a month ago, it’s going to feel like a century.

“I know, babe,” you murmur into his bare chest, his arms holding you closely. “I’m really sorry I can’t make it to either match. Work has been so crazy and it will be tough to leave mid-week.”

“Don’t apologize, love, your job is just important as mine.”

“I think most of the country would disagree with you there,” you chuckle, pressing a kiss to his jaw.

He smiles, though it seems a bit forced, and you can feel the tension in his body.

“Are you nervous?” you ask gently, resting your chin on his chest to look up at him.

“A bit,” he admits. “I don’t know if I’ll even be starting, but I really want to be at my best for this. The Euros could be my chance to really make an impact for this team, you know?”

He’s confided in you that missing the World Cup last year due to injury took a big toll on his mental health, and that it still stings a bit to this day. Obviously, the Euros are his next big opportunity to show what he’s capable of, and you know he will.

“You’re going to do great, Ben,” you say sincerely. “I can’t wait to watch you play, even if it has to be on TV. And Southgate would be a fool not to start you, by the way.”

Ben smiles and leans in to kiss you softly, his lips lingering on yours.

“Thank you, baby,” he says, pulling you closer and briefly glancing at the watch on his wrist. “Fuck, I have to leave soon.”

“I know, and I have to go to work,” you groan, kissing his collarbone. “Five more minutes?”

Ben nods and kisses your forehead. “Five more minutes.”

-

Ben ❤️ - 11:32 PM I miss you so much 😔

You - 11:33PM I miss you too 🥺 How’s training going?

Ben ❤️ - 11:33PM It’s good to be here but I’m exhausted and the gaffer wants us up at 6 tomorrow 

You - 11:34PM You should get some rest then babe, we can talk tomorrow

Ben ❤️ - 11:34PM Can we facetime for 10 mins and then I’ll sleep?? Promise

You - 11:34PM Ok, calling now ❤️

-

The day of England’s match against Italy rolls around, and you feel a pang in your stomach from the moment you wake up.

You so badly wish you could be there to support your boyfriend, but you have to work tomorrow and you really can’t justify flying to Naples and back for one evening.

You text Ben throughout the morning, sending him words of encouragement.

You - 11:21AM Good luck today babe!! 

Ben ❤️ - 11:24AM Thanks baby ❤️ I’m on the starting lineup!

You - 11:30AM Omg!! Can’t wait to watch 😘

Around lunch time, as you’re sitting at your desk reading emails and feeling just a bit sorry for yourself, you get a call from Charlotte.

“Y/N!” she exclaims. “I just got a call from Declan’s girlfriend Lauren and she said a few of them chartered a jet to fly to Naples to surprise the boys. There’s room for both of us if we want to go. Please tell me you can leave work!”

You’ve met Declan and his girlfriend a few times now, at various gatherings at Mason’s place. She’s a super nice person and it’s incredibly thoughtful that she would invite you and Charlotte, both of you very new to the Premier League WAG crowd.

Charlotte and Mason, while keeping things fairly casual, have pretty much been exclusive for nearly as long as you and Ben, though they see each other much less due to Charlotte being away for work so often.

“I’m not sure,” you sigh. “I would have to ask my boss for the rest of today and tomorrow off, and I don’t want to seem flighty. No pun intended.”

“Babes, you never leave work early,” Charlotte says. “And how often do you get to take a private jet to surprise your boyfriend in Italy?”

She does have a point there. This would be an amazing opportunity, and more importantly, it would allow you to support Ben and see him a week earlier than planned. That’s hard to resist.

“Okay, I’ll ask. When do we have to be at the airport?”

“An hour and a half, but I’m already packing for you!”

You smile and roll your eyes affectionately as you hang up and go to your boss’ office. You’re nervous to ask, but she immediately tells you that you’re one of her best employees and that you’ve been working your ass off since you started, so you deserve this.

You thank her profusely before packing up your stuff and rushing to meet Charlotte at the airport.

“Hey, Charlotte, Y/N!” Lauren says, greeting you both with a smile as you and Charlotte meet up with the others on the tarmac. “I’m so happy you could make it!”

“Thanks so much for inviting us!” you say, fiddling with the strap of your purse.

You suddenly feel a bit nervous - these women, a couple of whom you’ve never met before, are all so beautiful and glamorous. You, however, just came from work and are wearing minimal makeup, your hair in loose waves and a simple light blue dress on.

“It’s great to meet you,” one of the girls says. “I never thought we’d see Ben settle down, but according to Jack he’s totally whipped.”

You can’t help but blush at this comment - and the fact that Ben is so obviously into you that even his friends’ girlfriends know about it.

“You must be Sasha,” you deduce, realizing she’s Jack Grealish’s girlfriend. Jack being one of Ben’s oldest mates, you’ve met him a couple times, and you recall him mentioning her. “It’s nice to meet you too.”

Sasha smiles at you before turning to Lauren. “We’d better go if we want to make it for kick-off.”

The flight ends up being a lot of fun. The girls pop a bottle of champagne and you all get to know each other better, Lauren telling you and Charlotte stories about Mason and Declan as kids and you and Charlotte answering questions about your jobs.

“I think Dec mentioned you’ve always been a big Chelsea fan?” Lauren asks after showing you some photos of their adorable baby boy. “It must’ve been a bit surreal when one of the lads started chatting you up.”

You laugh and take a sip of your drink. “Yeah, at first it was definitely a bit mental. But it felt so natural with Ben from the start, honestly. It was like I’d known him forever.”

All the girls erupt in a chorus of “awww”s, except Charlotte, who gives you a knowing smile.

As Lauren, Sasha, and the others discuss how they’re going to surprise the boys after the match, you lean over and whisper to Charlotte.

“You know, I never pictured us as football WAGs, but this is really fun,” you admit.

“Speak for yourself, Victoria Beckham was my role model growing up,” Charlotte jokes. “By the way, everything they’re saying is true. Chilly is obsessed with you.”

“I don’t know,” you blush. “Do you think it’s too much surprising him like this? We’ve only been official for a month.”

“You’re way more committed than me and Mason, and I’m doing it too,” Charlotte shrugs. “Don’t overthink it, Y/N. He’s gonna flip when he sees you, I promise.”

You decide to take her advice and try to relax and enjoy yourself, sipping champagne and continuing to chat with the other girls.

By the time you land, it’s getting close to game time, so you all decide you’ll surprise the guys after the match is over. Lauren leads the way to the box you’re in and you’re all seated with drinks and snacks just in time for the boys to make their way onto the pitch.

Your heart races when you see Ben in person for the first time in a week, albeit from very far away. He looks so good in his England kit, standing among some of the best players in the world and ready to represent his country. You couldn’t be prouder.

While your spirits are high at the beginning of the match, things quickly begin to go downhill as play progresses.

Italy scores twice in the first half, one of which due to what you’ll admit was a poor defense from Ben. At halftime, it’s still 2-0, and you can see the disheartened looks on the team’s faces when they walk out to play the second half.

You wince as Mason gets tackled and falls over in pain, and you squeeze Charlotte’s hand when you see the obvious worry on her face. Thankfully, he’s able to get up and continue playing, but the ref fails to give out a yellow card to the Italian player.

You can see the frustration on Ben’s face at this clear oversight, and the match goes on with England continuing to struggle.

With about twenty minutes to go, both teams decide to make some substitutions, and your heart clenches when you see Ben’s number flash on the screen. He looks completely defeated as he jogs off the pitch.

Harry Kane manages to score a goal with an assist from Declan in the last few minutes, but it’s clear that it won’t be enough as the clock runs out and Italy take the win.

It’s a unanimous decision among the girls to go back to the hotel and wait for the boys there rather than try to find them in the tunnels. You obviously have much less experience with this than they do, but even you know that it’s probably best to give them some time to cool off.

Despite the fact that you know it’s for the best, all you want to do is find Ben and hug him tightly, knowing he’ll be in need of some comfort. You restrain yourself from texting him, not wanting to blow the surprise for everyone else.

You wait outside the hotel for the team bus to pull up, knowing it will take a little bit for them to shower, do any post-match press and drive over.

Eventually, the bus pulls up, and the team begins to exit. Although they’re all obviously upset with the result, you see some of them perk up as they spot their partners there to greet them.

Mason is among the first, and he runs over to kiss Charlotte with a smile on his face.

As the others reunite, you can’t help but feel a little nervous again - you know Ben will be feeling shitty and he may even want to be alone. And here you are in Italy, with no escape until your flight tomorrow.

You don’t have to worry for long, thankfully. As soon as Ben steps off the bus and locks eyes with you, his clenched jaw and furrowed brow disappear and he jogs over to you immediately.

Without a thought, you leap into his arms, and Ben hugs you tighter than he ever has before, burying his face in your shoulder and inhaling your scent.

“What are you doing here?” he mumbles into your shoulder. “I mean, how did you-“

“Lauren decided to charter a plane so we could catch the match, and I guess Char and I are inner circle WAGs now,” you murmur, and it has the desired effect of making him laugh softly. “How are you feeling, babe?”

You pull back to look him in the eyes, cupping his face with both hands. His arms remain coiled around your waist, refusing to let go, and he drops his forehead to yours.

“I played like shit,” he mumbles. “I’m sorry you flew out to see that.”

“You weren’t shit,” you tell him gently. “You had a bad day, and so did the rest of the team. It happens. Nobody is perfect all the time.”

“At this level, I should be perfect,” he says. “I should’ve been better. He subbed me off for a reason.”

You lean in and press a soft kiss to his lips, unable to take the look of complete self-loathing on his face for a moment longer.

“Ben, honey, it’s alright,” you say softly. “You won the last match, you’ll win the next one. You’ll get another chance.”

Ben sighs and pulls you back into his embrace, squeezing you just as tightly as before. You begin to hear the flashing of cameras, and you turn to see that a small crowd of paparazzi have gathered. You can only imagine how much these shots of half the England team snogging their girlfriends would be worth.

Although you and Ben have teased your relationship a bit on social media, and you’ve gone out in public a few times, you have yet to announce anything official.

You know that remaining out here will ensure that your face is in the tabloids tomorrow, but you can’t bring yourself to care right now.

“Sorry, babe, do you wanna go inside?” Ben asks, dropping his hands from your sides reluctantly.

You shake your head and pull him back into your arms, pressing a kiss to his cheek.

“No, screw them,” you murmur. “I wanna hug my boyfriend.”

Ben just holds you closer and rocks you back and forth slightly in his arms, and you hear him mumble a quiet “thank you” into your hair.

-

Sure enough, within a few hours the photos are all over Twitter, but by that point you’re naked in the luxurious hotel bed, limbs tangled with Ben’s.

All of the players and their partners retreated to their respective rooms not long after meeting up outside. It was clear that everyone was in need of some rest and recuperation prior to their next match in Malta in a few days.

You and Ben spent a little bit just laying in bed, silently holding each other and exchanging soft kisses. Eventually, he began to speak, and you talked through the loss today and how he felt about being subbed off.

Not for the first time, you consider yourself lucky that of all the footballers you could’ve fallen for, you chose one who regularly goes to therapy and is surprisingly well-adjusted for a male professional athlete in his 20s.

After talking for a while, you had slow, emotional sex, both of you craving each other after your week apart.

Now, you’re just enjoying each other’s company and laughing as you scroll through the headlines on social media.

“This is a good one,” Ben chuckles, the stress on his face from earlier now completely vanishing. “‘Beautiful mystery woman consoles distraught England and Chelsea left-back Ben Chilwell after devastating loss to Italy.’”

“God, they’re dramatic,” you roll your eyes.

“Not wrong, though,” Ben smiles, kissing your forehead. “Thank you so much for being here. Losing sucks, but it’s not nearly as bad with you.”

“Of course, I’m glad I came.”

You both set down your phones and lean in for a kiss, Ben pulling all of your body weight on top of him.

“You sure you’re okay with us going public?” he asks, running a hand through your hair as the other one holds your waist. “People can be pricks online.”

Despite you remaining unnamed in the articles, some fans have already figured out your identity. Ben follows you and likes everything you post, so it really wasn’t that hard to determine. Since the photos dropped, you’ve been steadily gaining Instagram followers, and you know things are going to change for you a bit.

“I can handle it,” you tell him, kissing him lightly. “I’m so happy with you, I don’t wanna hide that.”

“Alright, but please tell me if it gets to be too much. I know you can handle it, but I don’t want you to have to. Okay?”

“Okay,” you agree, brushing your nose against his, your eyes fluttering shut. “Now, can we order room service? I’m starving and I don’t wanna leave this bed.”

Ben smiles and nods, reaching over to grab the phone. “Yeah, get whatever you want, love.”

You spend the rest of the night cuddling in bed, you eating copious amounts of pasta while Ben sticks to salad, and fall asleep watching a movie together.

You’re both still disappointed from the match and dreading you having to fly back to London tomorrow, but it’s a perfect night nonetheless.

Really, any night you’re together feels perfect to you, as cheesy as that is, and it’s becoming pretty clear to you why.

You’re in love with him, and it might be too soon to say, but you think he just might be in love with you too.

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benchilwell

📍Ta Qali National Stadium, Malta

liked by yourusername, masonmount and others benchilwell That’s more like it ❤️🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿 Big win today! @england

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yourusername 🦁❤️

chelsfan21 omg chilly’s gf confirmed???

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next chapter 💙

[myfriendofmiseryyy]

Fade into you

A Marcus pike x plus sized fem reader fanfic 💜

Content warnings!!!!!!

Mentions of very toxic relationships,mentions of verbal and emotional abuse,mentions of sexual assault and abuse.

3 months earlier:

Rain falls down my face as I stand outside his apartment for the last time,I’m done done with his mind games and constant gaslighting. I call an Uber to pick me up,and take me back “home” my own fucking apartment doesn’t even feel like home anymore every where I look I see all the memories and arguments I’ve had with jake,I can’t even sleep without having vivid nightmares about the last 12 months of our relationship.

I moved half way across the world for him,for it to be thrown back in my face when the abuse started. I should of seen it coming,I was stupid to think someone could actually love me. But at least I’ve got a job now,and I enjoy it. I work for the government,fbi to be exact,how I fucking FBI Agent didn’t see the fact my own boyfriend was abusing me for 4 years is beyond me. I get in the Uber and tell the driver the directions to my apartment,I feel on edge,I don’t trust anyone especially men. He gives me a kind smile and starts driving towards my apartment,sensing I didn’t want to speak,he just turned the radio on. Thank fuck.

I get home and slump on the couch,my now ex boyfriend has sent me multiple messages

11.30 pm

“Please I fucked up,please I love you forgive me”

11.33 pm

“Please baby,I will do anything”

11:45 pm

“Fuck you,worthless slut. You are not worth anything. Your friend is a better fuck anyway”

I block his number and his social media accounts.

One thing about being in the fbi is that I know he is going to pay for what he has done. Maybe after this is all over I will help over people in the same situation as me, help them get their life’s back on track. But first I need to help myself.

My apartment is a mess,my constant state of depression and being at work all the time has really taken its toll,I try my hardest but sometimes all the cleaning gets too much. I do the reminder of the dishes then decide to head to bed,not that I will be getting any sleep. I’m constantly terrified jake will break in,he has done it before. Breaking in to my apartment at the dead of night just to shout abuse at me,but my neighbours know what a scumbag he is,and they have cameras all over the building. “I’m safe” I tell myself.

No way am I sleeping with the lights off though,I do my nighttime routine and then text my co worker Marcus to say that I might be running late tomorrow because I’ve only just gotten back. Honestly,marcus has been suspicious of jake since the the day he burst into the office demanding that he needed to speak to me “right now” ever since then marcus has kinda been protective over me. Marcus and I have become pretty close friends (as close as Jake allowed us to be) and we check in on each other regularly. He has been through some shit the last few months with his ex Teresa,she abandoned him and called off the engagement after she met another guy. Marcus was in bits,I just wish I could of helped him more at the time. But I had to be home at a certain time,Jake set an alarm on his phone for what time I finished work,and if I wasn’t home by then he would go ape shit.

At least now I can hang out with Marcus and other co workers after work without jake breathing down my throat.

———————————————————————————-

3 months later

It’s been 3 months since I broke it off with Jake,my life has taken a turn for the better. I got a restraining order against him and I came clean about what happened to Marcus,he was infuriated and wanted to put the man behind bars. However Jake is (was) a cop and trying to put a cop behind bars is…very tricky,Jake knew all the best lawyers and the case fell through. It’s weird because technically the FBI is above the police but it still felt like Jake had all the power over me. I cried and cried that night. Marcus has Been there for me every step of the way,even down to coming to my apartment at 4am after I call him hysterically crying because I had a nightmare about Jake. He has installed new locks and a ring camera for me so I can see who is at my door,and has even taught me how to defend myself in that sort of situation. We have movie nights often where we take it in turns to pick a movie,I still feel very on edge around physical contact,Marcus acknowledges that and keeps his distance if needed,but honestly I like snuggling into him. He feels safe and I trust him. I often find myself falling asleep in his arms,it’s a reminder that I’m healing. I’m healing from all the shit Jake put me through. Although at the moment I can’t see myself and Marcus being more than good friends,I can’t help myself but like him as more than friends,he is kind,caring,compassionate and not to mention drop dead gorgeous. I think somehow,somewhere,someone put us together. I’m not a religious person,far from it. But I do believe in “soulmates” and I also believe in spirit guides. Maybe this is the way my life is supposed to go. Yeah I’ve been through a lot,to much if I’m honest. But maybe meeting and working with Marcus is the best thing that will ever happen to me,he certainly restored my faith in men.

I’ve been going to therapy for around 3 weeks now,my therapist being a very wise mid to late 50s woman,who has also gone through abuse.she tells me I am very strong and have a heart of gold. And that I need to heal before I get into another relationship. She has told me a lot of methods and books I can read,I’ve read more in the last few weeks than I have in my entire life.

Marcus is interested too,I lent him one of my books and he came to work the next morning with tears in his eyes and said “if this is just a fraction of what you went through then you are the strongest person I’ve ever known” and pulled me into a hug. Marcus is never shy to show his emotions,I like that about him. He is never shy of crying at a movie or a good song,he is never shy of telling me how HE feels. It has come up in conversation once or twice how he “thinks the world of me” and I’m “the most powerful beautiful woman he’s ever met” it normally comes out on the nights I’m crying into his shoulder because I think it’s all my fault. “Darling,one day you will know how it feels to be loved by a proper man,a man who will do anything for you because you deserve everything” he will whisper into my ear,he knows I am not ready for a relationship yet,he actually encourages I heal first,just like he did with Lisbon. But feelings are feelings and we both know that our feelings towards each other are more than platonic at this point. Small touches and eye contact kinda give it away,I just wish I wasn’t so fucked in the head that I could act on those feelings.

Later that day

Marcus comes over for our weekly movie night and we start the night off like we usually do,getting takeout. I’ve started to feel more insecure about eating around Marcus recently because of my feelings for him. I’m a bigger girl and all through out my life I was told I’m “fat” and “shouldn’t be eating that” the take way is ordered and it comes in no time,we get the pizza and sourdough out of the boxes and sit down on the sofa. “You can eat around me ya know,I think your body is beautiful,I don’t care what society thinks” Marcus softly says. “I know…it’s just all through out my life people have told me I shouldn’t eat certain “fatty” foods because I’m already fat enough” I sigh.

“Well fuck them,eat what you fucking want. It’s your life not theirs.” He says softly then chuckles.

“You think I’m beautiful?” I shyly say.

“I know you are” he says and leans in closer to me.

Ya know how I said I love how Marcus speaks his mind? That is what I mean,he isn’t afraid to say something “controversial” he also isn’t afraid to admit something is off with himself or if something is off with me he will be the first person to notice. He’s just so god damn perfect.

I sigh deeply.

“What’s up” he says after finishing his pizza “pizza put you in a food coma?” He chuckles.

“No no,I’m fine! just…thinking”

“Penny for thoughts? Or do you want to be left alone for a bit?”

Prang there goes my heart strings again,god fucking damnit.

“Could we just cuddle for a bit? Could use the grounding?” I say softly.

“Sure thing hunny,come ‘ere” Marcus pats his chest.

We stay cuddled for around half an hour,to be honest I’m far from relaxed I’ve been rehearsing a fucking speech for the past hour,of how I’m going to admit my feelings to Marcus,how I’m going to go about it.

“You sure you ok? You are very quiet today” Marcus strokes my hair gently.

Fuck it I’m gonna tell him,what could possibly go wrong?

“Marcus,can we talk?” I say shyly.

“Yeah of course what’s up hun?” He lifts his head up slightly and pauses the movie on the screen.

I take a deep breath,”this has been bubbling for a while now,but I like you.more than just friends,you make me feel safe,protected…happy again,you’ve help me through the toughest times of my life…you’ve helped me heal. I never thought I would trust anyone with my heart again but you came into my life with your charm and kindness and swept me off my feet. I think I’m ready to take my healing journey to the next step,to be in a relationship again,and I want it to be with you”.

Marcus looks shocked but happy,he puts his finger on my cheek and wipes the tears,”oh darling I’m so proud of you, you already know how much I think of you,how beautiful I think you are. And how I want to spend the rest of my life proving how real love should be. But for you to say those words,I’m so fucking proud of you. I know how much it took for you to say those words,and how much it even took for you to admit you had feelings for someone again. We can take this as slow as you want,your in control here,we will do this at your pace. And I mean everything,sex,kissing,going out in public,everything is your pace I promise”. He holds my face in his hands before pulling me into a hug,I can’t help but breakdown a little. This is the safest I’ve ever felt,in years…maybe even in my life,and it’s all thanks to Marcus.”don’t cry baby,you’ll get me going” Marcus soothes me gently by rubbing my back. “There happy tears,I’ve never felt so happy and safe with anyone” I say wiping my tears.” “Is it ok if I kiss you,I really want to kiss you” “I want you to kiss me Marcus,I’ve dreamt of kissing you for the last 8 months,when I was with Jake, and he would kiss me,I imagined it was you,even though you are nothing like Jake…obviously,I’m rambling just kiss me” I laugh softly. The moment his lips meet mine it is like a million fireworks,his lips are so soft and plump,like they were made for me. They mold into mine so easily,the softness of his lips and the slight roughness of his stuble,it all feels so amazing,it feels natural to kiss him. Like we have been together all along,our skins rubbing against each other as we kiss.

When we finally break the kiss,the look on both our faces is pure bliss,”so your saying…all them years I’ve been in bad relationship after bad relationship you were here all this fuckin time,waiting for me?” I chuckle softly. “That’s how the world works darlin” he laughs and cups my face in his hand “your an amazing kisser,I can’t believe I didn’t kiss you sooner” he chuckles

“You and me both,I wish I found you when I moved over here. Not stayed with that abusive dickhead for another 5 years.” I sigh softly “you make me feel so alive Marcus”

We have a deep chat about how our relationship is going to go for the next 4 hours before heading to bed.

“Can you…sleep with me tonight, I know you normally sleep on the couch but…I want to be close to you” I say shyly.

“Of course hunny,I couldn’t think of anything more perfect” Marcus whispers.

We sleep in each others arms all night.

[slutwithagut]

Post #2

The amount of cigarettes I’m smoking is insane for someone with no income! It’s time to ration. It would be cheaper to roll my own… but I don’t know how to roll. Maybe now is the time to finally learn? I digress. We will worry about that at a later time n date.

I have a close friend who employs me to give him rides home from work. Usually every Monday he needs a ride home from work around 8:10 pm because he goes in at 8 something the next day. Occasionally he asks for rides from the local trolley stop that’s about a 10 minute drive from my house.

I bring this up because my weekly income is about $28 on a good week.

So I need to chill on the tobacco.

Things were easier when I smoked spliff bowls (mole bowls, moke bowls, party bowls, whatever u wanna call them) which is cannabis mixed with tobacco. I’ve purchased a great many bags of bugler tobacco. It’s much more cost effective then buying a pack of cigs. The bugler pouch is roughly good for about 30 cigs versus the 20 you find pre rolled. It costs $7/$8 while a pack of cigs is $10/$11

I had purchased a joint rolling machine and filters earlier this year to roll my own. I found it just didn’t hit the same. I also proceeded to break the joint roller. A common theme in my life. Breaking useful objects due to carelessness and or intoxication. If only y’all knew me when I did XANAX and drank heavily while popping. I broke so many things… three lovely bongs, a babyliss hair straightener, bottles, and endured countless bruises and scratches. I also strained some of my personal relationships as you don’t give a single solitary FUCK when your xanned out.

So moral of the story is I am going to start rationing out my cigarettes.

I might buy a vape but I have to go on the black market for one and it seems like such a hassle.

Smoking cigarettes may seem glamorous and look cool. It feeds my oral fixation. But it makes you stink. I literally need to buy gum, scented hand sanitizer, and a small bottle of body spray so I don’t smell bad.

Wish my luck my loves! It ain’t easy trying to kick my vices.

It’s also 12:19 a.m. while I write this. My brain is tired but my body is on high alert. I do suffer from insomnia and weed helps that a lot.

It’s tough to learn how to live my life with out mind altering substances. I also find myself becoming more irritable. I might need to up the dosage on my medicine. I also kind of want to ask my doctor for sleeping pills… but it seems wrong? Since they have a potential for abuse. It would be nice to actually be able to fall asleep around the same time every night. I’ll probably be up until 2 or 3.

If I fall asleep before that I usually wake between 3 and 4 to pee. Then toss and turn till 6 or 7. Get up, smoke a cigarette and if I’m lucky fall back a sleep for a bit. I awake groggy and feeling worse than when I first woke. But still I nap after waking up. It’s a vicious cycle.

I’m going to start wearing my FitBit smart watch to bed again so I can track my sleep. It lets you know how many times you wake up, how deep your sleep was, etc. and it gives you a sleep score for the night. I want to see if my sleep is truly fucked up enough to constitute medicine. The less pills I’m on the better. But sleep is important and staying up late with my thoughts is not the most pleasant experience.

At least now I have you guys to talk and write to, to pass the time.

Restlessly,

D

[keefwho]

July 23 - 2023 Sunday

8:54 AM

Today I’m tired AF because I only got 6 hours of sleep. I’m feeling prone to overthinking at the moment so again I’ll try to stay occupied and not think too hard about things I know will upset me for no reason. Also communication is important, I gotta let my friends know whats up with me if I want them to know. A lot of stress comes from thinking my friends don’t like me because they can’t read my mind so don’t react to what I want. Although I also need to know when to back off because it can be easy to tell when someone doesn’t want to talk to me but not easy to accept. I want to avoid being pushy. 

6:43 PM

REALLY trying not to take it personally when I hint at wanting some time together/being in need of a friend and the “just a few” turns into 2 hours of me waiting around thinking it could be any minute now. Only because on the opposite side, I’d be there in a HEARTBEAT, especially if I thought it was important. There might be some miscommunication though, or maybe I’m being too needy. Either way it’s probably a good opportunity to exercise my autonomy, I already know better than to wait on others. 

11:11 PM

Of course the perceived abandonment from earlier had a very good reason, thats why I made sure not to jump to conclusions. I really need to have more faith in others, and myself. 

This morning I woke up clearly under capacity due to lack of sleep. I ate a very good self-assembled broccoli pizza for breakfast. For most of the morning I played Neopets games while watching Jonbams play his new Minecraft Madpack on Twitch. Keeping up with my recent self awareness work, I had a very good text chat with my friend where I was extra vigilant about actually speaking from my heart and letting my interests show through without fear of judgement. Not that I’m terribly afraid of being judge or anything but it’s not often I achieve such pure self expression like this morning. At around noon I began a VR painting study that will take 1-2 more sessions before completing. I also looked into fixing the networking sync issues with my new world but decided to put that off for now, I wanna do other things. I organized my OBS scenes and sources. I did a lot of chillin and goofin around. I was stressed in the afternoon for a bit because of the nearby fire and some general ‘in my own head’ stuff. It wasn’t super bad but it kept me from focusing on basically anything and I just wanted to talk to my friend at this point. Eventually she called and I helped her do some math for her fursuit which I was very glad to do. We watched the Wonderland special for Ever After High and I absolutely loved it. Then we laughed at some memes for awhile before she hopped in bed and we had a nice little chat about life and feelings. It was extra late and I wish we had more time to chat, I’m still in a stage where I would benefit from lots of talks like tonight. They will come as they come though, it’s important not to overdo anything. 

I’m proud of actually doing some more of the things on my list today, just little tasks to keep me busy. I feel like I should have been more on top of it because there was a lot of down time and loligagging but the point of the weekend is to be chill about things. 

I could have handled my anxiety better I think, I can’t say I didn’t try though. I let my self awareness slip a bit too, thats my biggest limiter I’m discovering. It is WAY too easy to fall into thinking about what I’m supposed to be rather than what I am. This is something I want to talk with someone about more. 

I wish to expand on things and what I talked about but it’s late. In short, we discussed where we’re at and where we wanna go in life, and boosted each other up a little bit. She gave me some perspective about how good I have it in some regards. Even though I already knew it, can never have too many reminders, especially when it comes from someone else’s perspective. 

I feel good that I’m starting to come to terms with myself more. I feel like I’m at 1% of discovering who I am which is better than the 0% I felt before.

[marmixedwithabitofintellect]

The Story of You

Hi my friends! We are back on track! I am so excited to pick up where we left off, we have still a lot of mysteries to unfold! I hope you enjoy this new part, come and talk to me about what you think, it really makes me happy to have your feedback :) All the love, Mar

Disclaimer: In no way do I wish to spread hate or negative opinions about any of the characters here depicted, this is just fiction and with the purpose of entertaining you guys

Click on the visuals to enhance your reading experience!

Part 11: Love on Tour

September 2, 2021: Week Twenty-Six

New York City, New York. 7:30 PM

I hated packing; I really did. And now that I’m pregnant is even worse because I had to pack at least two outfit options and depending on my hormones and body temperature see what I should wear.

Glenne had been kind enough to FaceTime me and help me choose what I should pack, “Babe that outfit for Vegas is bomb”, I laughed, “Well I do look like a bomb that will be detonated soon so I think it it’s very accurate”, we both laughed

“I am not saying this because you are my friend, I am saying this because it’s the truth, you are literally one of the hottest mom-to-be I have met, that belly of yours is so beautiful and I hope that I can look half as good as you do when I have a baby”

“You don’t need to sweet talk me into going, I’m flying there tomorrow”, we both laughed, “So, everything okay between you too?”, I sighed, “I mean, as good as they can get, but we have both agreed that this baby goes first and everything else goes second”

“I know things will work out, and in the end, everything will be okay”, I smiled a little and turned to look at the time, “Well as much as I love talking to you, I shall let you go, have to finish packing and sleep so that I can get to the airport on time, are you still picking me up?”

“Of course I am, with a big batch of your favorite cookies and a lot of cuddles for the belly” we both laughed, “I’ll text you everything, love you G”, “I love you more baby mama!” we hung up and I plugged in my computer to charge, I looked around and figured out that everything was packed, I closed my suitcase and placed it near the door.

I decided to take a shower and had some leftovers for dinner, I then went into the bathroom to brush my teeth and as I was getting into bed, I got a text message

From H. Styles (9:00 PM): Hello love, you all set? I cannot wait to see you both

To H. Styles (9:15 PM): Hi! We are all set, just getting into bed so that we can be very energetic tomorrow

From H. Styles (9:15 PM): Rest well love, we’ll keep in touch and see you tomorrow

To H. Styles (9:15 PM): You too Harry

September 3, 2021: Week Twenty-Six

New York City, New York. 9:00 AM

The movement occurring in JFK would never not surprise me, I loved airports because it was the place that saw the most heartfelt goodbyes and happiest hellos, however I hated how many people also liked to have an early travel.

I had boarded already and was sitting waiting for the plane to finish, I put my headphones on and pressed shuffle play on my music, I smiled when the first song that started playing was “Golden”, I texted Glenne to let her know I was ready and then I texted a picture to Harry

To H. Styles (9:45 AM): [Attachment] We are all set and ready to go

From H. Styles (9:15 PM): Oh I cannot wait to see you! Have a safe flight!

I turned my phone onto airplane mode and settled into my seat, the flight crew went through all the safety procedures, and we were now taking off and on our way to Vegas. I ate my breakfast because I was always hungry nowadays and then took a nap, I woke up just a few moments before we landed.

I got off the plane and then started making my way to the airport exit, I was thankful I had chosen to travel with a cabin suitcase and not a checked in bag, after exiting baggage claim I was about to call Glenne when I heard someone scream my name, I turned and found Jeff holding a few balloons and Glenne running to hug me.

She hugged me and we both started tearing up a little, “I have missed you baby mama”, “I have missed you too G”, she pulled a little back and she looked at my belly and turned to ask wordlessly if she could touch it which I nodded, “Little bean Auntie G has missed you too! You have grown so so much!”, she then grabbed my suitcase and we started making our way to Jeff

“Well hello there!”, I laughed and reached to hug him, “Hi Jeff, thank you for coming to pick me up”, “It was no problem, we are so happy to have you here”, we then started making our way to the van that was waiting for us and to the hotel.

About 10 minutes later we had arrived, Jeff made his way to the front desk to retrieve my key and we made our way into my room, they let me know we would see each other in a little while; the first thing I did was go to the bathroom because this baby was sitting on my bladder.

When I finished I washed my hands and started unpacking, as I was doing so I heard a knock on my door, went to open and I felt my heart start beating so loud, he looked so handsome and his smile was breathtaking

“H”

September 3, 2021: Week Twenty-Six

Harry. Las Vegas, Nevada. 12:00 PM

My anxiety was through the roof, Jeff had let me know they had already arrived at the hotel, and they had left her in her room a few minutes ago, Olivia was busy talking with her kids and I let her know that I would be going to see Y/N, which she still wasn’t happy she was here and had caused us to fight.

After closing the door to my room both Jeff and Glenne came out, they both smirked and I felt my cheeks redden, “I know I know”, Jeff spoke up, “We weren’t going to say anything, but she’s unpacking”, I smiled and waved to them and made my way to her room, I started counting the steps to her door and breathing.

I then knocked and when she opened the door my heart started beating even faster, she looked beautiful, “Hi”, she smiled, “Hi Harry, come in”, I nodded and she closed the door behind me, we both made our way to the little couch

“How was your flight?”, “Good, I slept most of the way, of course after eating because this baby has me eating everything”, we both laughed a little, I then turned to look at her belly, it had grown from the last time I had seen it, “Can I?”, she nodded, and I reached to place my hand on her belly

“Hi Bug, you have grown so much baby, are you still being stubborn and not letting us feel your kicks from the outside?”, “Oh yes, inside I feel them so much but not on the outside yet, stubborn like their dad”, “Hey that’s not nice”, she reached to squeeze my arm

“You ready for tomorrow?”, I took a deep breath, “It is surreal, just last year I thought this moment would never come and yet here we are”, I started tearing up, “I missed being on stage so much, it is my safe place and my fans, I really cannot wait to see them again”

She smiled and squeezed my arm, “You will do great”, we sat there quiet for a few moments until she spoke up, “Uhm, is there a dress code for your party tonight?”, “Hmm, not really, maybe a causal slash little bit formal?”, she nodded, “Harry I don’t want to be rude, but I am very tired and would love to rest a little before tonight”

My heart deflated a little but I knew I had to respect her wishes, “Yeah, no problem, uhm do you want me to come look for you before leaving for the party?”, “Actually, Glenne will come for me and we will go together, but I will see you there”, I nodded, we went to the door where we said out goodbyes and I returned to my room.

When I opened the door Olivia was sitting on the bed working on her computer, I knew she heard me walk in and was purposefully ignoring me, I sighed, “Are we really going to do this?”, she turned to look at me before returning her attention to her computer

“I have nothing to say to you Harry, I told you my feelings on the matter and you told me yours”, she continued to work for a few and I decided to take a shower, when I came out I was standing in the closet she reached to hug me from behind and kissed my back

“I’m sorry, I don’t want to fight anymore”, I sighed and reached to squeeze her hands that were around my waist, “Why can’t you trust me? I don’t know how else to reassure you that the only thing between her and I has to do with the baby?”

She pulled back a little before speaking, “Then why is she here? I mean I understand if you invite her to the New York dates, but why fly her out here?”, I pulled back a little and turned to look at her incredulously, “You do remember that she is friends with my band, don’t you? And if you must know, Sarah is the one who invited her”

She turned to look at me surprised and a little guilty, “So then why did you pay for her ticket?”, “Because she is pregnant with my child, so I need to see for both of their safety”, but deep down I knew it was more than that.

She pulled back and looked at the time, “We still have about four hours until your party, should we order something to eat and watch a movie?”, I nodded, she kissed the corner of my mouth and pulled back, I changed and reached her to see what we would order.

 Las Vegas, Nevada. 5:10 PM

My alarm started ringing and I turned it off, wiped my eyes and sat up. After Harry left, I finished packing and ordered some light lunch and I decided to take a nap because this baby was making me very tired and I did want to enjoy seeing my friends tonight.

After taking a shower I opted for a fresher outfit and some light make up, and just as I was done I heard some knocking on my door, I went to open and there stood Glenne, “You look too hot mama!”, I laughed and reached for my phone, room key and face mask because we were still in a pandemic.

The ride on the elevator was quiet and anxious, there were so many people I hadn’t seen in a while and I wasn’t even sure if I would have a warm welcome; as if she could feel my anxiety Glenne reached for my hand and gave it a squeeze, “Hey, everything will be okay yeah?”, I smiled and nodded.

The elevator opened and we walked into a big rooftop, there were four long tables settled into a square, fairy lights were hung up all around, there was a bar on the far corner and next to it there was a buffet with hot plates waiting to be filled with food.

Jeff started making his was to us and he smiled, “Hey guys welcome! You can remove your masks if you feel comfortable doing so, we are still going to get tested tomorrow. Everyone should be here in the next five to ten minutes and Y/N, I did order some mocktails for you and Sarah”

I smiled, “Thank you Jeff, you are the best”, Glenne and him looked at each other apprehensively and then turned to look at me, “Is everything okay?”, Jeff sighed before turning to me, “I just wanted to thank you, I know this is not the best situation but he is happy to have you here, but please, if you want to go home tell us and we will help you”

I smiled and hugged them both, “Thank you”, we pulled back and when we did I heard the elevator open and I turned to see who was there, I could feel myself tear up when Sarah, Mitch and their little boy came out of the elevator, when Sarah noticed me she started running to hug me and I also ran to the best of my ability to meet her halfway.

When I hugged her I had to hold the tears that were threatening to fall, I really don’t know how long we stood there but when we pulled back and I saw that she had let a few tears fall I did too, Sarah reached to clean them and we went into another hug

“Oh I have missed you so so much, how are you?”, we pulled back a little but still kept each other at an arm’s length, “I have missed you too, I am okay, feeling very pregnant at the moment”, I smiled behind her when I saw Mitch reach us and he opened his arms to give me a hug

“Well hello stranger, I have missed you”, “Hi Mitch, I have missed you too”, I pulled back and Sarah pulled me to her side before speaking up, “There is someone else I want you to meet but they are very busy napping right now”, the three of us laughed before Mitch spoke up, “Speaking of, is there anyone else you would like for us to meet”, I smiled and Sarah beamed, “Come on show us the belly”

I pulled back from her and rubbed my belly and pulled back my dress so that my belly could be seen, Sarah looked at it and then at me asking for permission to rub it, I nodded and she did, and spoke up

“Oh my god, hello bean, I am your Auntie Sarah, I was so excited to meet you, I will be your adventure buddy and a shoulder to cry on, and we will have so much fun pranking your dad and mom, and your cousin is also so excited to meet you”

We were so into our conversation that we did not hear Harry make his way to us, “I hope you are not corrupting my child Sarah Jones”

Harry. Las Vegas, Nevada. 5:30 PM

Olivia and I were making our way to the party, when we got out of the elevator I greeted Jeff and Glenne, and just as I was about to ask if Y/N was here I could see Sarah and Mitch with her and I got a very warm feeling in me seeing my best friends finally meeting my baby.

We made our way to say hello when I heard Sarah talking to my baby about pranking me so I decided to make myself known, “I hope you are not corrupting my child Sarah Jones”, she turned to look at me and smiled, “Of course not H”, she then turned to Y/N’s belly again “Yes we will”

We all laughed and she pulled back, Olivia had her hand in mine and I squeezed it, Y/N was the first time to speak up, “Olivia hi, how are you? How are your kinds?”, she stood up straighter before answering, “Hi Y/N, I am okay thank you for asking, and the kids are well too”

“I am glad to hear so”, before I could speak up Nyoh made her way to Y/N to say hello, and Jeff pulled Olivia to help him with something, I was thankful because I knew this was not her favorite outcome.

While Nyoh said hello to Y/N, Eli, Niji and Pauli came and said hello to me and we made our way to Sarah, Mitch, Y/N and Nyoh so that I could introduce her to them, when they notice us they all stood up quiet and gave us some smiles

“Y/N I would love for you to meet our new band members, this is Elin, Niji and Pauli”, Y/N turned and gave them a warm smile, “Hi! It is so nice to meet you!”, she then reached to hug them, after doing so we went into a very comfortable conversation when I heard someone scream and we all turned to see Harry Lambert making our way to us.

Las Vegas, Nevada. 5:45 PM

I was talking to Pauli when I heard someone scream for me, I turned and found Harry Lambert making his way to me, I laughed and walked a little where we met for our hug, out of the corner of my eye I saw Harry reach with a weary face.

Harry L noticed to and chastised him, “Oh cut it out Sue I am careful with her especially since she has the most special cargo, can I say hello?”, I nodded, and he reached down to caress my belly and talk to my baby

“Well hello you, I am your uncle Harry Lambert, I am the fun Harry even if your dad says the contrary. I cannot wait to meet you and dress you like a little fashionista”, he then stood up and hug me to his side.

A few moments later they let us know that food was ready, I saw Harry making his way to me but before he could Sarah spoke up, “You will sit next to us right? We have still a lot to catch up on”, out of the corner of my eye I could see Harry was kind of upset, but I didn’t know why since his girlfriend was standing there next to him, we made our way to the table and sat down.

I was sitting between Sarah and Glenne, next to Sarah was Mitch, then there was Harry Lambert, Harry, Olivia, and Elin, just in front of me I was able to talk to Pauli and Niji. After we served our plates, we all started eating and continuing on our conversation.

Elin then turned to ask me, “Do you know what you are having?”, everyone turned to look at me and Harry, “No we don’t, we decided to keep it a surprise”, Glenne then chimed in, “Place your bets people”, everyone started laughing.

I could see Harry hugged Olivia and Glenne reached to squeeze my hand under the table, and as if he could sense the air was becoming tense Jeff asked everyone to share what they were most excited for.

Harry. Las Vegas, Nevada. 8:30 PM

I felt so happy to be able to celebrate this tour with my whole team and crew, my best friends, with the mother of my baby and my baby and of course girlfriend. I was just missing my family and my heart broke thinking that I didn’t know when they would be able to see me perform.

My heart felt so warm when we started talking about he or she, but I couldn’t let me indulge on that happiness very much because I saw how Olivia tensed at the mention of that, so I did the best thing that I could to reassure her, but the hug I gave her was not entirely welcome and only after a few she relaxed into it.

Just as Sarah was about to speak, little guy Rowland decided to wake up and I smiled when I saw the excitement on Y/N’s eyes to meet him, he truly was one of the most handsome babies I had met and I was so happy to be his godparent.

She sat with him on her arms and the thought of that being her in a few months made me so excited, but it also got me wondering, would I always be an outsider on their relationship? Even if we hadn’t discussed anything related to custody and visiting arrangements, I knew it was a conversation to be had sooner rather than later. But still, I held hope that things may be different.

It was around eleven thirty when we all made our way back into our rooms, everyone had said goodnight, the last to leave were Jeff, Harry Lambert and I, on the elevator ride silence was broken after a few seconds, “I saw you Sue”, Jeff and I turned to look at him, “What do you mean?”, “That look of pride and excitement for your baby, it makes me happy for you”

I smiled and squeezed his arm, we said our goodbyes and each of us went into our room, Olivia was just getting out of the bathroom and I reached in for a hug and a kiss, which she gave me gladly, she then made her way to the room and I to the bathroom.

September 4, 2021: Week Twenty-Six

 Las Vegas, Nevada. 11:00 AM

Hi lovebug! I apologize because I know I have slacked a little on my writing for you, but I promise we are on track again! At twenty-six weeks you are now the size of an acorn squash! You are getting so big my love and my heart is full thinking that I will almost meet you. We are now in Las Vegas, Nevada because your Auntie Sarah asked us to come see her perform again with your daddy; she is very excited to meet you and so is your cousin and your Uncle Mitch; your Uncle Harry Lambert has also made sure that you remember that he is the fun Harry (although I’m sure your dad will make sure you know that is not true). We also let everyone know that we will not find out if you are a boy or a girl until you decide to come see us and bets are starting to be made! Daddy is very happy to be performing for you for the first time even if you are still inside of my belly, he is also hoping that you may give him some feedback (AKA feel a kick on the outside :D), he will be travelling for a few months singing for different people and we will be in New York for the time being, but don’t worry, he will come see you and hopefully your grandma Anne, grandpa Des and Auntie Gem and Uncle Michal will get to see him soon too. My love, never forget how much we love you already, and that every single sacrifice made is all with the hopes that you will a very happy life, we cannot wait to meet you!

A knock on my door pulled me out of bed, when I looked into the peephole, I was surprised to see Olivia standing there, I opened the door and offered her a smile which I didn’t know if she could see through my mask but still, “Hey, good morning how are you? Want to come in?”

“Y/N hi, good morning to you too, no it’s okay thank you, I went downstairs for a coffee for Harry and I and thought you would like one, I really didn’t know what you wanted so I ordered the same thing I had when I was pregnant”, she handed me a cup that smelled like chocolate and coffee and made my mouth water

“Thank you, I really appreciate it”, “Also, we are heading to the venue at around five, so if you wanted you could go with us?”, “Oh, thank you, are you all leaving at that time or only you and Harry?”, “Me and Harry, but I think Glenne will be leaving a few after”

“Thank you, I think I’ll get there with Glenne, it is taking me longer to get ready these days”, “All right, but if you do change your mind, please let me know, you have my number still yeah?” I nodded, thanked her for the coffee again and closed the door. I was kinda surprised she was being so nice to me, but I will give her the benefit of the doubt.

I took a shower and just as I came out there was a knock on my door, I peeked and saw a bellboy standing there, I put on my mask before opening, “Hi may I help you?”, “Miss Y/L/N?”, I nodded, he handed me a box, “Thank you, give me a minute”, I placed the box on the hallway table and grabbed a five dollar bill that was sitting there and handed it to him, he thanked me and left.

After closing the door, I grabbed the box and opened this, the first thing I found was a letter addressed to me, when I opened it I could see Harry’s handwriting, I read it and smiled; Having you and the baby here makes my heart feel a little warmer and closer to home. This tour is as much of your effort and sacrifices as they are mine. I am forever grateful for you. With all my love, Harry.

I put the letter aside and opened the packaged wrapped in tissue paper and when I did, I found that he had gifted me every single merch item for this tour, the design was amazing and I couldn’t wait to wear and use it all, I would thank him afterwards for it.

I packed up the merch on my bag and hopped on to some meetings I had, in between them Glenne had dropped off lunch for me and let me know we would be leaving around five thirty, I finished sending some documents and started to get ready.

At five twenty-five there was a knock on my door, I grabbed my bag and mask and opened the door to see Glenne standing there, “Hey you, you look beautiful”, she smiled, “You are the best, you look so beautiful too, are you ready?”

I nodded and we made our way to the arena, when we got there Glenne pulled out our backstage passes and Covid tests and we made our way to the arena, I smiled when I could hear the fans cheer, I had missed this and I knew they did too, and it still felt surreal to be here.

When we got in backstage there was a lot of chaos and happiness all around and the room was buzzing, I followed Glenne until we arrived outside a room, when she opened the door I could see that the band was there, hair and make-up done and talking with their families, I could also see Jeff and his family and there was another circle where Harry was standing with James Corden and with Olivia.

Glenne started walking and she turned to see if I was following, but before she could speak I let her know that I would stand outside for a few. I closed the door behind me and stood on the side, I pulled my phone out and checked an email before answering and outing the phone back inside my bag.

I reached to rub my belly, which had become one of my soothing mechanisms and I was also hoping that maybe I could feel a kick on the outside, i was so into my thoughts that I didn’t hear the door open until someone spoke up and scared the crap out of me.

Harry. Las Vegas, Nevada. 6:15 PM

I was happy, nervous and excited, the time for tour was finally here and of all the things I did, performing was my favorite. I wasn’t able to sleep too much so when Olivia and I woke up she went and got us a coffee.

Hours passed by and before I knew it we had to get to the arena. When we got there everyone was happy and the energy there was awesome, after we had soundcheck I went into my changing room and checked that everything was alright.

After doing so I stopped by hair and makeup, once we decided that everything was okay we went into a big general room where the band and their families that could be here were already there, I said hello to them and all of a sudden I heard the Azoff’s calling my name.

I smiled at Shellie and hugged her, I then said hello to Irving and Jeff, who let me know that Y/N and Glenne would be here soon, when he said that my heart started beating so fast, I knew she had received the box but I hadn’t heard from her.

A few moments later Glenne appeared and said hello to everyone, but I noticed that Y/N was not behind her, I turned to look at her and silently asked her where she was, even though I knew the answer, I excused myself and exited the room.

When I did my heart did some somersaults, she looked so beautiful and her belly, oh her belly, it made me so happy to be doing this with her, “How did I know you would be here huh?”, she jumped and laughed a little

“You scared me”, I walked next to her, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to”, “It’s okay”, I stood beside her for a few before turning and asking permission to rub her belly and she nodded, “Hi little sprout, are you excited, would you let me know?”, she laughed before speaking, “Oh baby is excited, hopefully he or she will let us know soon”

I turned to look at her wearily, “Are you okay?”, “I am now, thank you, by the way for the merch, I loved it”, I smiled “I am glad, do you want to go inside?”, she nodded but before we could move, she squeezed my bicep, “Can I give you a hug?”

“Of course you can”, she reached in and I did too, I kissed her head for a few and she squeezed me extra hard. We pulled back and then made our way to the room, when she entered, they stole her from me and I felt this over protectiveness over her and the baby which I know is irrational, but maybe it was my fatherly instinct.

James came and he also got the time to congratulate us for the baby, and I took the chance to thank again everyone for all of their effort and left to change to my concert outfit, just before getting into the box Olivia kissed me and I turned to look at Y/N who gave me a smile and a thumbs up which I returned.

Las Vegas, Nevada. 9:00 PM

We were standing on the back of the pit waiting for the show to begin, the outfits everyone was wearing were so beautiful, and I couldn’t believe that he was now here. When the light went out everyone screamed and I could feel the chills of excitement.

Bukowski’s monologue was starting mixed along with the introductory notes for ‘Golden’ were playing, To do a dangerous thing with style is what I call art. Butterflies were moving on my belly. Style is the difference, a way of doing, a way of being done.

When Harry appeared on the middle of the stage and he started playing Golden again, the butterflies returned, as the chorus was playing I placed my hands on my belly I felt a little nudge that made me freak, I moved my hands and pressed a little, and there was that nudge again, my eyes watered

“Oh hi baby, I feel you, are you excited for daddy?”, there was bug again, I felt the tears in my eyes, “There you are baby, I love you”, I enjoyed the rest of the concert feeling my baby move, I couldn’t wait to tell Harry that Lovebug did react to his concert and music.

September 5, 2021: Week Twenty-Six

Las Vegas, Nevada. 12:15 AM

I had just gotten out of the shower when I noticed that I had a missed call from Harry, as I was about to return it, the phone rang again, it was him. “Hello?”, “Oh hi, I thought you were asleep”, “Sorry, I was taking a shower”, we were quiet for a few seconds before he spoke up

“Are you up for a visit?”, “Uhm sure, is Olivia okay with that?”, “She is, so I’ll see you in a few”, I hung up and brushed my teeth, as I closed the bathroom door I heard a knock on my room door, I peeped into the peephole and opened it for Harry

“Hey, there’s the man of the hour!”, he laughed and came in, he had a bag of goodies on his hand, we sat down on the floor with our backs to the bed and as he pulled out the snacks I grabbed some drinks for us.

“So, how did you enjoy the concert?”, “I loved it, the setlist was amazing, the lights, stage and everything”, “I am glad you enjoyed it”, I had been thinking on how to tell him that the baby had kicked since I knew that he was so excited for it to happen and now was the perfect time to tell him

“Although, there is one song that has my heart more than ever”, he looked at me curiously, “Will you tell me which song it is?”, I nodded and reached for my phone to play it, “Golden?”, I nodded, “Why?”

I reached for his hand and placed it over my belly, I turned to look at him, it was so amazing to see his emotions change from curiosity, to hope and finally to the realization and adoration that he was felling his baby kick, “Really? With Golden?”, I nodded again, and tears sprung to his eyes

He placed both hands on my belly and leaned to whisper, “Hi baby, did you enjoy my song? I love you so much, I cannot wait to dance this with you”, he then reached to place a kiss on my belly but he froze when he realized he did and I felt my breath leave my lungs.

“I’m so sorry”, “No, it’s okay”, we stared at each other for a few, he then reached to hug me and I let him, just for a few I would be selfish and believe that everything was as it had always been and how it should be.

 September 7, 2021: Week Twenty-Seven

Denver, Colorado. 9:00 AM

I really did not know how I ended up here in Denver. The original plan was for me to fly out of Vegas the day they were supposed to leave for Denver, however it took Sarah, Nyoh and Elin, who was becoming one of my close friends, no more than ten minutes to somehow convince me to come.

And maybe it also had to do with Harry, I will not lie; the night he visited me he had shared how anxious he was feeling for missing part of this pregnancy, and even if I reassured him that I would make sure that he was as present as he could be, which resulted in me agreeing to go with him and then fly home.

The knock on my door pulled me from my thoughts, I grabbed my jacket and mask and went to open the door, when I did Sarah was waiting there for me and after saying hello we went into the elevator, when we got downstairs Mitch was already there with the stroller.

When he saw us he waved and we started walking to him, when I saw the baby I smiled and kneeled in front of the stroller, “Well hello there handsome man! How did you sleep?”, he gave me a smile and I reached for his hand and presented to each his fingers which had him cackling.

I felt a hand on my back and I was surprised to see Harry standing behind me, “Good morning love, slept good?”, “Hi H, good morning; I did how about you?”, “I did”, he then reached his hand and helped me stand up.

As I straightened up his hand reached my belly and rubbed a little, we both smiled when we both felt a kick, “Before I forget, happy third trimester”, I turned to him surprised, “How did you know?”, he bashfully looked down, “My app let me know”, my heart was beating so fast when he said that.

We went for a little walk at a park nearby and I was thankful that we didn’t encounter any crazy fans, the three we did were very nice and respectful and congratulated us on the baby, we took a break midway because this mama was tired and Sarah was able to feel baby move.

When we got back we hung up for a while and Sarah, Mitch and Harry left for rehearsals while I stayed with little man for a while. After putting him down for a nap I got ready for the concert, when I was done little man woke up and I fed him one of the bottles Sarah had left me and just as we were done they arrived ready for us to go to the venue.

Harry rocked it once again, I was standing with Jeff and Tommy, I was dancing to ‘Sunflower Vol. 6’ when I felt a little dizzy and breathless, so I stopped on my tracks and took a few deep breaths, Jeff noticed, and he reached to squeeze my bicep and leaned in to talk to me

“Hey, you ok? Wanna go back?”, I turned to him and leaned in, “I’m ok, just tired, probably has to do with the third trimester”, he looked wearily at me, “Are you sure? We can go backstage”, “No it’s okay, I am feeling better”, he nodded and pulled back a little, and stood beside me.

As soon as Harry made his way backstage Jeff and I followed, there was a little commotion and when I turned to the common area Pauli and Harry were sitting on the couch receiving some oxygen, I started walking to them and kneeled next to him and grabbed his hand, “You okay?”, he squeezed and nodded his head.

Harry. Denver, Colorado. 11:15 PM

It was the second night of tour and things were only getting better, Olivia had to return to LA but Sarah and I had been able to convince Y/N to come with us and then leave for New York, this would lessen the anxiety I had about leaving them alone for a few weeks, however I was starting to regret having convinced her.

I had just left the stage and although I had used some oxygen during the set, I still needed some along with Pauli, when she appeared backstage, I felt like I could breathe a little better, however when I grabbed her hands they were trembling.

 “Do you feel okay?”, before she could speak Jeff interfered, “You did feel kinda breathless darling”, I turned to look at her and my heart fell to my stomach when I saw that she did look kind of pale. Sarah noticed it too and asked Mitch to pull a chair for her.

When she sat down the paramedic went and tended to her, “What are you feeling?”, she answered slowly, “I do feel kinda dizzy? And shaky”, the paramedic grabbed a third mask of oxygen and placed it on her face.

He then checked her blood pressure, which thankfully was normal, “Do you have your doctor’s number? I just would like to check with them if there is anything else they feel comfortable for us to do”

Y/N spoke up, “No it’s okay”, but as she was saying this I handed Jeff my phone, “Please call Betty Olson”, she looked at me surprised that I had her phone, it rang for a few before Betty answered, “Hello?”

“Hi Betty, it’s me Y/N, sorry to bother you at this hour”, “Oh hi honey, no worries it’s no bother, is everything okay?”, I spoke up, “Hi Betty it’s Harry, uhm we had a little incident, we’re in Denver, I’ll let the paramedic speak”

I passed the phone to him and since they had already removed my mask I kneeled in front of her, the paramedic stood up to speak to Betty and after thanking her he hung up, “Dr. Olson said we are doing everything right and to rest and take it easy”

We thanked him and waited for a while until she felt better, once we got the all clear we started making our way to the car, once we got in we were seated in silence before I spoke up, “At what time does your flight leave?”

She turned to look at me, “Around twelve, have to leave for the airport early”, “If it is okay with you, Jeff, Sarah and I will take you there”, she turned and gave me a smile, “It’s okay”, she then grabbed my hand and squeezed it.

When we got to the hotel we got on the elevator, we stopped on our floor and just before we arrived to our respective rooms I stopped her, “Does your room have two beds?”, she turned to look at me with a questioning look, “Yes, why?”

“Would you mind if I stay with you? I would feel more comfortable making sure you are safe”, she smiled a little, “Harry…”, I sighed and laughed a little, “I’m sorry I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable”, she reached for my hand, “Fine, we’ll have a sleeping party”, I laughed and followed her

I went to my room, changed and then returned to her room, I went to the bathroom and when I came out I saw that she had fallen asleep, before turning off the lamp I kissed her forehead and temple, when I caught a whiff of her smell lavender and honey, oh how I have missed her smell.

Wait, no. That’s wrong. I have a girlfriend, a girlfriend I deeply care for, and who is coming to see me soon. I pulled back and got into bed, I texted Olivia before falling asleep.

To Olivia Wilde (12:20 AM): Thinking of you, miss you.

September 8, 2021: Week Twenty-Seven

Denver, Colorado. 9:00 AM

We had just left the hotel and were on our way to the airport, sooner than later we had arrived, we got off and I said goodbye to Jeff then turned to Sarah, after hugging her I pulled back and wiped the tears that had fallen, “Please don’t cry, I’ll see you pretty soon”, “I know, but it feels like the last goodbye”, I knew what she meant and hugged her

“Would you do me a favor?”, she nodded, “Would you please take a Polaroid of Harry on his outfit? Please”, “Yes of course!”, I smiled and handed her the bag where I kept the camera along with the film.

I lastly turned to Harry, who hugged me and squeezed me extra tight, “Please, be safe, I cannot wait to see you guys again”, “We will, enjoy tour okay? We are okay and I will let you know if anything happens”, he squeezed me again before letting me go.

I started making my way into the terminal, but had to turn quickly and wave to them, they waved back and sent some kisses and hugs, which I returned, and started making my way to the gate; on the way back I decided to write a little on my journal.

Baby welcome to the third trimester! I cannot believe we are here! This means we are even closer to meeting you! This week you are the size of a cauliflower <3, you finally got to hear your dad perform and by the kicks you were giving us I can say that you enjoyed it! This is the outfit he was wearing, I really loved how good he looks in pink. We hen travelled with them to Colorado, your Auntie Sarah got the chance to feel you move and so did your cousin (but to be honest he is so little that I don’t think he really realized what was happening), we did have a little scare on Denver but everything worked out :) Your dad decided to wear red and blue, he looked like such a dad you wouldn’t believe! Your auntie Sarah will make sure that we have a picture of each outfit. It will be a few weeks until we see daddy again, but you don’t have to worry baby, he will always come back for you, and he will always be thinking of you, we both will always be there for you and think of you and above all, love you more than anything.

Taglist @tinydestinybear @amyleeeee @harry-is-my-sunflower @beachwoodcaferryy @dirtytissuebox @msolbesg @clarawolf22 @harrysficreblog @infinitely-yellow @cherrylovesblog @wherethehellhaveyoubeenharry @harryspirate @kaitieskidmore1 @michellekstyles @qualitygiantshoepsychic @irelilien @futuristicpalacegardenpsychic @shawnsblue @behindmygreyeyes

[stickynotestoletters]

Izuku x Male Reader Smut

I'm a dirty slut, so .... yeah

Women DNI please :3

Warnings: you push friend boundaries in the fic but Izuku likes it so it's fine, bottom reader, top izuku, buff tan izuku, big tiddy izuku, God kink apparently, degradation, he calls you puppy, a bit of simp Izuku, breeding kink

Izuku wasn't a simp, okay? He was kind, he was courteous and pleasant to be around! But he always had boundaries with his friends and loved ones. Well....until he met you.

You see, Izuku had a not-so-obvious crush on you (shut it Bakugou). Ever since he met you at UA he kind of let you push any and all boundaries that he had put in place with his friends.

Now don't get the wrong idea! At first, when you both met in your first year at UA it was just little stuff! Like, using his clothes or borrowing a pillow. I mean that's what friends are for right? At least that’s what you told him.

He thought maybe he just needed to chill out and let loose his rules a bit. So you were a little friendlier about how you acted around him as opposed to your other friends, so what?

He could make an exception this once and that would be it!

But then you started getting even more comfortable.

And it was good! He was happy you were comfortable around him! It made his heart fly!

You were being a little touchier with him and it was just friendly stuff. Laying your head on his shoulder and in his lap or even just stroking his hair while you cuddle, but that's fine!

He likes it, he always has and always will!

You ask permission the first time you do these things and how could he resist sitting in the arms of a gorgeous man like you?

Then it stays that way for a while a little after UA.

You get a little bold every once in a while after that but it's nothing he can't handle.

He's working out and doing hero work so he has more things to focus on than his not so little crush anymore.

Even if he stays up at night thinking about all those touches. Thinking about your chapped lips and smooth skin beneath his hands. Thinking about your hands and how much he likes them. Likes them in his hair, massaging his shoulders. How much more he would like them if you tangled them in his hair and pull on it as he's fucking you into his mattress. How much he'd then like it for you to yell and scream his name as he absolutely pounds you into his sheets. How much he wants you to cry and scream his name until the neighbors bring noise complaints and you have a sore throat the next day from it.

So yeah. He doesn't have the time.

Until one night you show up to his door. It's late, almost 4 in the morning, about 2 hours after he comes home from his agency, and he just hears these little knocks on the door. He thinks it's the rain at first until he gets a text from you asking him if he's up and if you could come in.

He's almost dressed and ready for bed but for you, he'd sacrifice any amount of sleep to make sure you're okay at any time of the night.

He opens his door to find you drenched from the rain. And he means soaked. You're shivering in these nice little skinny jeans and a white T-shirt. You're sobbing and your hair is spilling water onto his doormat. "Hey Izuku, is it-is it okay if I come in?"

He can hear just how congested you are, it seems like you've been crying for a while. "Yeah, just let me-let me get you a towel, are you okay?" You start sobbing in front of him and he gives you the towel as he comes back."Never mind, that was obviously a stupid question, come on in and go get a shower."

You're nice and warm by the time you come back to the kitchen, he's made you shower and given you some food. So now you two sit down on his couch and he holds you close to him. he's not saying anything and neither are you, but you know he wants you to talk about it."So, I kinda had a breakdown about some relationship stuff right now." You guys laughed at the obviousness of it.

"Did you want to talk about it?" He looks at you laying down on his chest, tangling your legs with his, in his shirt, in his pants. God he wished you would-

"Kinda, I don't have to if you don't want me to." He shook his head to the sides and you sighed deeply," I knew you would say that, okay, it's kinda embarrassing if I'm being honest."

He laughed at you, "Nothing could be more awkward and embarrassing for me to listen to than when you told me, in detail, about your crush on Bakugou." You contorted your face in distaste at him and he just kept laughing.

"Bakugou is hot and I stand by all that I said asshole." You shook your head. "But I was very embarrassing."

It got quiet again and you put your face in the crook of his neck. "So, I figured out that I ....fuck okay so...." You move back to face him and stare at him in the eyes. "Don't laugh but I realized I only want a sexual relationship with someone at the moment. I started crying because I felt like I'd been lying to myself and I've just been under a lot of stress lately." Your blush is not less bright than his at all and he can't do anything but avoid your pretty little face looking at him than to push you into his chest and look up at his wonderfully beautiful ceiling he's never had the time to admire before this.

"You could have said that to me without the weird eye contact but whatever, go on."

You laugh hysterically, a little high on your emotions, "Okay hear me out. I'm a hero right? And using a loved one as leverage is a very classic villain plan. So I thought that was why I didn't want a relationship. Now I figured out it's just the stress! I want something like that eventually but right now? I just want something with someone to destress."

You move your head up to look at him and he moves his hand away from the back of your head, his emotions are going haywire right now. What is he supposed to say to that??? Do you want him to find someone for you to hook up with or???? And then he realizes-"I am not setting you up with Bakugou-"

"-OH MY GOD SHUT UP ABOUT IT ALREADY IT WAS A ONE-TIME THING." You shake your head and laugh incredulously at him. "I'm allowed to be attracted to people who aren't good for me okay? Is it really that bad?" Izuku rolls his eyes at you, "Yes. Yes, it is."

You roll your eyes back at him," Whatever that's not what I wanted to ask anyway." you scooch up onto his chest a bit more and put your hands under your chin as you look into his eye with your best pleading face." Would you do me the honor of being my destresser?"

He could explode right now.

Like seriously what?

".....You want me to what now???"

"Would you rather I phrase it differently?"

"To make sure we're on the same page yes-"

"Fuck the stress out of me buff man."

"Jesus Christ." He practically lifts you off of him like a doll,"If you were going to prank me like this," he sets you onto his couch and walks to his bathroom to go wash the heat off his face, "do it over text next time."

You follow him into the bathroom," It's not a prank! I'm for real okay? Look-" he looks puts his head further near the sink, he doesn't want you to see his red face,"-the way I see it is we're both busy as fuck. We both are mature adults looking for something intimate, which you have not found yet may I add, that could both put someone in danger otherwise." He scrubs his face and takes a deep breath, turning his water off and looking at you calmly.

"Okay, first of all, fuck you. Second of all, why me then?" He knows he shouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth but he's not going to do this if it's just for the fun. He wants to actually mean something to you other than someone to fuck. "You could have chosen any one of our other friends. So why me?"

You grab his hands and lift them to your lips,"Izuku, I care about you so much. You're one of my closest and best friends in the entire world and I am so lucky to have you. You have supported me in any way you possibly could, and I hope that I've done the same for you. So I want us to support each other as much as we need in this." You look him in the eyes," Plus you could snap me in half and are one of the only people I could fight that has the stamina to keep going at me."

".....you're so fucking lucky I like you. Fine! Okay fine."

"YES!"

So for the rest of the night(morning?), you two plan out how this is going to work. Rules, boundaries, kinks (by god he's going to need a break), and what times you guy can and can't.

It works well actually. Better than Izuku expected. He's just ecstatic he gets to finally hold you.......until he doesn't.

Now Izuku knows you two discussed boundaries and the fact you can call each other practically any time but for the next week, he seriously couldn't get the mind power to just swallow his fears and call you up. Not to say he wasn't thinking of you, by god he did that every single day even more since then, he just didn't want to bother you.

But then you called him. It was 11 pm and you were very horny. He picked up the phone and immediately just, "Hello?"

"I need you to plow me into my mattress it's been a week, come over as soon as you can, I'll be waiting sir-"

And that was the end of the call. Your house is like 20 minutes away from his but he somehow made it there in 10. He didn't even text you he was coming, so you thought he was busy.

So you were just on your couch, scrolling on your phone until a rushed knock at the door, you opened it, and were immediately kissed on the mouth.

Just a whole ass surprise makeout, he holds you up in his arms and pushes you against the door. You pull away to breathe and just look down to see this large monster of a man pressing his massive chest to yours, heaving so out of breath like he'd just ran a marathon (he practically did). Just staring up at you so desperately, you're not going to lie it was a nice view. You laugh a bit hysterically as he kisses you repeatedly. Then he works his way to your neck, still holding you up with his arms but fondling your chest and ribcage. He nips your neck and sucks so hard you're sure to have some nice little hickies in the morning. You moan as he pulls on your nipples and rubs your pecs in his hands.

Your mind goes fuzzy as you hear him whisper, "Dirty little slut left me with nothing after your little call. Think it was funny?" He kisses your neck again, licking down to your collar bone, "Think it's funny to leave me with nothing? Just the thought of this dirty little pup begging me to come over?"

You moan into a laugh at the fact he seems more desperate for this than you are. "Laughing now are we?" You immediately quiet down, his hands travel to your waist, and grinds his leg into your crotch.

"Oh gods-" He pushes into you again as you moan,"-f-fuck!"

"Damn puppy. Didn't know you had such a dirty little mouth. Why don't you show me how you use that little mouth when I actually get started with you."

He takes you into your bedroom, pressing your hard dick against his own and sucking on your neck even more.

You pant heavily onto his shoulder shaking from anticipation as he brings you into your room.

He pushes you down on the bed into a folded missionary position. You're hazy and in hysterics, as he talks more, "God, look at you! What a fucking slut for me. Come on puppy look me in the eyes and tell me what you want."

You look up and his smile is devious. It's alluring. He's practically ravishing you with his eyes. He’s taking your clothes off and feeling you up, “Your tastey skin, so smooth and soft. Do you know what I’m gonna do to it puppy?” Your head is swimming with full unbridled warmth and lust, you can’t even respond so he takes your face in his hands and makes you look at him,” I’m gonna mark you up so well, give you all the hickies and bites I want to put on you until you’re barely unbruised. How does that sound?”

You yell out, “Yes! YES! Puppy will be good for you please? Want it so bad.” He laughs at your responses, leaving your naked body vibrating on the bed and he moves away to take his own clothes off. His toned muscles flexing without meaning to as he takes his shirt and pants off of himself. Sliding his boxers down his toned calfs.

You stay laying there, letting out hysteric laughs and panting as he stretches you out with his fingers. And he keeps his promise, biting and niping all over your thights and stomach. You fall from your hysterical high as he pulls his mouth away until he takes your dick in his mouth and you’re pushed all the way back up the hill, arching your back and crying out for him as you grab the head board.

God you haven’t been so sensitive since you don’t even remember when. He’s sucking you off and his fingers are reaching just the right spots in you. Sliding onto his fingers down to the knuckle of his pointer and middle finger, flexing and massaging just the right spot, just until he takes a deep breathe. Then he takes all of you into his mouth and presses down on your most sensitive spot,” OH GOD, FUCK! Yes~ IZUKU PLEASE, I’M CUMMING!”

You cream into his mouth so hard. He pulls himself up off the mattress and off your dick once he finished sucking it all out of you. He licks the rest off his lips and hums in delight,” You taste better then I’ve ever imagined.” Ah, you blush so red as he said this. You think to yourself, he was just saying it for dramatic effect. For the moment! It couldn’t possibly be true....

God if only you knew how true that is from him.

He pulls some of the excess cum off your dick and you shiver a bit at his fingers grazing your tip. His magic hands. And he brings them to lube his dick back up,” Gonna fill my puppy with their own cum, how about it, slut?”

His eyes are crazy, this is a whole new side of Izuku you’ve never seen from him. And by the gods above are you excited to see it.

He presses your legs down so they’re almost flat by your arms and climbs up halfway atop your thighs. He slides himself into you and,” f-f-UCK!” He’s fucking huge.

Your partners have been quite average in the past. Nothing to scoff at but not as big as Izuku. You feel lightheaded as he pushes himself all the way in. “Look at you, my pathetic little puppy, breaking on my dick. Not even halfway there pup, but I’ll be nice this time.” He stops and you thank god and curse at him as well. You feel like you’re gonna be ripped apart yet you still crave so much more.

He gives you a second to catch your breathe, then he leans over, presses your legs farther, and starts pounding into your pretty little hole. Absolutely destroying your insides. You’re crying and whimpering and all it does is drive him to go faster and harder. To milk all those pretty little sounds out of your pretty little mouth. You’re crying on his dick and it fuels his ego,” You’re crying already? God look at you, so pretty and stupid on my dick. Such a good useless pup. Never had dick this good. Are you seeing god or something pup?”

His smirk is returned with teary eyes looking up at him, drooling at him,” Ye-ugh fUck-yes God, love your dick so much.” Oh fuck. That’s new.

It was so hot, imagining you praying and worshipping “your God’s” dick. Izuku being rode by you as you cry out for your God.

He laughs hard and leans down to get a better grip on the sheets, stopping for a moment, and then pounding you into the mattress. It felt like he was trying to hammer you down into the mattress to press you hard enough you’d become one with it. “That’s right baby! Ahaha! You feel so good I’m your god? My little puppy’s so dumb on their god’s dick right?”

You cry out to him, repeating over and over,” God! My God! Please god!” And you cum hard, over and over on his dick for the rest of the night. Orgasming and being fucked through your over sensitivity again and again and again until dawn. He finally gives in after getting his fill of filling you up.

God, he was definitely the right one to go to.

And all Izuku could think about you as he cleaned up and got ready to go to sleep with you was how fucking thankful he was you broke all his boundries for him. And accepting the fact that yes, he is the biggest simp for you.

————

-Laika

[raidengaile]

— for me, it was worth it.

SUMMARY: you punched his main target’s child, how would he react?

FEATURING: diluc, kaeya, childe, zhongli and ayato

WARNINGS: mentions of reader punching someone and cursing

NOTE: spy x family au woooooo!!!! :D i’m sorry if anything in these didn’t make any sense i was writing this at 11:50 pm :( this is just for fun though :D

DILUC

he was definitely crying inside. this man literally thought that he warned you enough and that nothing would go wrong—but you still punched his target’s child instead of just holding it back? he knows that you’re probably so done with the kid that you can’t help but punch him but STILL!- he just sighed very loudly and forced himself to smile at you. “how was school today?” if you answered him honestly, he would just forget about it and just ignore the first red flag of his mission and he would ask you to apologise to him—because it’s wrong and it’s not elegant but if you chose to lie to him, he would just nod and smile and think about getting a new kid (it’s a joke he won’t).

KAEYA

he was pretending to be a janitor and he heard how his target’s son bullied you (don’t worry the kid didn't bully you, kaeya was just too worried that he called it bullying and besides, the kid has a crush on you so there’s no way he’s going to bully you). kaeya was internally cheering on you and wishing for your patience and sanity to be longer—but your patience was so thin that your sanity just went “bye!” and BOOM! you punched the kid and he went FLYING across the hallway /hj he was so shocked that he just went home and thought about his life choices. hours passed and when you knocked in the door, he opened it with a smile. if you weren't a mind reader, you would think that he’s smiling at you genuinely. but if you read his mind—he’s screaming and panicking. i just know that this man is a perfectionist /j and seeing this MAJOR RED FLAG (you and what you did) makes him wanna pass out but he still greeted you happily.

CHILDE

i bet he was the one who taught you how to punch someone HARD in the face. it was supposed to be used in emergencies but THAT GUY deserves to be in the emergency room after all those things he did to you. when you come home, like diluc—he’s going to ask you “how was school?” and he won’t be mad at you, in fact, he’s very proud that he taught you that (you delivered a very good punch) and will be celebrating it with you! he’ll buy you whatever you want and spoil you! (fuck the mission- he’ll let this slide because you’re just too cute and his efforts paid off!). but you’ll have to practise apologising after that.

ZHONGLI

the calm one. like others, he would ask you how your school was. he doesn't care if you lie to him or not because he was literally disguising himself as your history teacher and of course, you know that and you forced yourself to do good in “his class”. and i bet this man would be there to stop you before you could get to punch the kid. (but if you did punch the kid, he won’t do anything about it and just sigh). expect to be scolded though. apparently, you didn't do very well at history and he also saw your test papers. (he’s also the type to make you apologise to the kid because of his mission and he also doesn’t want you to get tonitrus striked).

AYATO

smiling through the pain. he’s definitely a perfectionist and seeing a part of his plan fail (basically you befriending his target’s kid) makes him want to go and execute the plan alone. but that won’t happen because he can’t disguise himself as a kid (and he got TOO attached to you) so he’ll just report this to the headquarters and mark it as a minor problem (he trusts you) and like zhongli, he’ll ask you to apologise to the kid (don’t worry he’s not mad! just ignore everything he’s saying in his mind and watch your favourite spy cartoon on the tv)

© raidengaile 2021. do not repost, copy, translate or claim my works.

TAGLIST: @white-like-dis @xienn @uchihaeirin @chibikiibielle @jerw117 @yuzuricebun @chaosinanutshell @emilemovhi @lotterymology @irethepotato-reblogs (send an ask to get tagged/removed!)

GAILE’S GUEST LIST: @mari-san-cant @lnlywar-god @lovelyy-moraxx

[mochikeiji]

Exact Replica

Request: "Hi! I really love you're writing and was wondering if you could do prompt 25+29 for Kuroo Tetsuro from Haikyuu? And could it be angst to fluff? (Maybe Kuroo was ignoring the reader due to lots of work/stress so reader feels neglected?) It's totally up to you tho! Ty so much!!"

25. "Would you notice if I was gone?"

29. "I didn't mean it."

↠ Pairing: Kuroo Tetsuro x F!Reader

↠ Warning: angst to fluff, mentions of pregnancy and kuroo's sad childhood

↬ Word Count: 3.7k

↠ a/n: okay this is my longest one yet. I swear the prompt screams angst to fluff so much that I go into it.

↳ from Go! Go! Gogatsu Event

Kuroo Tetsuro achieved many great things in life after graduating from his university, with multiple acknowledgements and honors. Landed a position as a young CEO from a sports association at the age of 24, he had enough money in his pocket and bank to stable both of you financially. Life was good to him after having to build from the roots  of his ruined childhood; the only years of defeat Kuroo doesn't ever want to repeat. His father and mother were in the same position as you both are; owning your own shared house, good working environment, investments and stability, married.

Up until this day Kuroo questions why his parents split. They were fortunate that they had every thing completed, sadly it was the family and love that wasn't taken care of. You could be the happiest person, yet the void inside would still be there, Kuroo thought. Foolish people were to neglect something more valuable than any object that is given. Whether it was his father or his mother that stopped nurturing what they both bonded for the longest time, they were both fools to let each other go over something simple. He vows to never let history repeat itself.

But now the tables seemed to have flipped for the both of you. Your lives not far from what he had ran away from. If Kuroo could eat his words back, he would've now that he was running late yet again to coming home, forgetting about the promise he swore to about joining you after a full month of being occupied in his office. Coming home to have you already tucked in bed, but suffering in silence.

Most days he didn't bother greeting you in the morning and night. As a good wife, you understand. He was a busy man with an important position to maintain.

There were times where you'd be tapping your foot down on the floor as the clock strikes at an ungodly hour with your messages still not bothered to be replied to or even read. But you understand. He's working! Always doing what he can for the both of you like the good husband he wanted to be.

Even if sometimes he'd come home without a kiss or a simple, "I missed you." you understand. He's drained. No time for silly, endearing affections. You've done them a lot before back when you were younger. You're adults! Married! A married partner shouldn't be feeling so needy when the other was only doing their part.

Even when sometimes your insecurities would kick in whenever you'd visit your husband to drop his forgotten lunch again, only to see him flocked by different women; probably secretaries, interns, and assistance.

You understand. You always did took such good care of what you two have.

Well had.

His home office door slams shut, awakening you from your nap on the couch. Didn't Kuroo notice you when he walked in? Looking at the clock you noticed it was near 11:30 PM since he's arrived. Late again, maybe he hasn't eaten anything? No worries, you thought sadly. Stretching your aching muscles, you made your way to the dining area. So far dinner was left untouched once more. Just how many times has it gone to waste because you continued on cooking for two?

Or rather, three.

You beam at the sudden reminder while preparing your husband's plate. You'd always miss him whenever he'd come home, never had the chance to surprise him at the right time of your little discovery about a week ago. Fear did struck you because of the possible reactions he'd give, but you were so excited in sharing the news that a couple would share the equal happiness from, you couldn't contain it any longer.

Maybe you should've chosen another time unbeknownst to you how your husband was hunched over his desk, clearly in displease of the previous events that had occurred during the meeting back in his office. Hence why his work stack added more piles of predicaments, only fueling his headaches more wishing he could just lay down peace and quiet without disturbance.

He grumbles at the knock on his door, only typing furiously with emphasized taps on the keyboard. You, not sensing the emitting aura from the room took it as a response for you to enter. It surprised you a bit on how disordered his home office had become. It was obvious his coat had been thrown carelessly as it lays on the floor, wrinkled. Carefully placing the plate full of food on the small coffee table at the side, you gingerly picked up the article of clothing. Lightly trying to smoothen out the lines before hanging it behind his door and turning back to your husband.

"Tetsu?" cautiously calling out his name, you were kind of wary at the fact he didn't turn to see you unlike he does before whenever you'd enter the room. "I brought you your dinner. You came home pretty late." you tried to maintain the light hearted tone of your voice to hide how nervous you were in telling him the big news.

The atmosphere was kind of eerie when all he did was hum meekly from your words. Feeling a bit disheartened from his lack of attentiveness, still forcing a smile, you padded a little closer behind him with your hands clasps together. "I also wanted— well needed to tell you something." averting your eyes away from him as you prepared in your head. With a small hope he'd turn around for once after a long time.

"Can it be another time? I'm in the middle of stuff here."

Another time.

Why is it always next time? It's frustrating enough to not see him or have him speak to you even for a moment, but this made your stomach churn in an unpleasant way. Frowning at his poor reply, you gulped a few of your sentence back. Not fully trusting your emotions getting in the way, "You never really talked to me before, Tetsu.. I get that you're busy, but it wouldn't hurt for you to give a little minute for me."

Even just a second as long as he'd finally notice you.

"(Y/n) if you understand then why bother? You can clearly see I'm busy." chest huffing out a harsh sigh, still not bothering to turn around. Gripping your hands tightly, your patience were starting to snap. "You're always busy, Tetsu! I never had a proper conversation with you again." raising the volume of your voice a little made his actions come to a halt. Chair revolving around to face you. His appearance made it obvious how exhausted he has been; tousled hair that he usually takes longer to style, the light forming bags underneath his eyes from the screen and lack of sleep. The visible annoyance marked in his expression. But couldn't he say the same for you?

"Fine. Here, you have my attention now. Are we talking properly now?" his way of provoking you wasn't in the right place. It only made you look at him in disbelief because you've grown to never meet such side of your husband before. The news you had originally planned to share vanished from your head, replaced with the restrained emotions that has been building up inside your heart, tipping over.

"Tetsu, what is wrong with you?" looking at him now seemed like you were talking to someone else. His words were curt and short with no intention of prolonging the conversation, itching to get back to work so he could be done with it. "I already you I'm just busy. I would be done by now if you didn't want to talk properly with me." he says as if he's the one in distraught. "Seriously, nothing's wrong but I think you aren't. You're never like this."

"That's because you never cared to noticed in the first place!" wailing out the collapsed emotions that has weighed you heavily. It was too late to stop yourself from voicing out the things your husband left aside. A full month of being a good, understanding image of a wife thrown away to the rubbles without even appreciating the the long nights of you waiting up for him, cooking meals even though the next day they'd end up being in the trash, tolerating the coldness of the used to be warm sheets, putting up with the insecurities you took upon yourself to hide to avoid troubling your husband further when all you wanted was for him to assure you that he still loves you and only you.

The fascade you put up just for him crumbles. And it infuriates you more of how he still doesn't notice.

"(Y/n), you know I've been working! There's so much stuff that needs to be attended for just so you and I could live normally!"

"Tetsuro, we are stabled, it's okay to slow down a bit. How is this any normal to you when you don't even realize how this affects me?!"

The chair slides back roughly against the floor with a loud creak as he towers over you. Glowering eyes with a dark expression looming over his face, clearly now enraged. "You're being selfish right now. I'm here doing what I can to support us and all you could think of was you, you, you. Can't you see I'm doing this for you as well? God what else do you want from me, the world?"

"I only wanted you to give me your time and attention even just for a second, Tetsuro! I've been doing my best for you all this month and I never said anything to trouble you!"

It hurts when he said how you were being the selfish one when it was the opposite. It dawned to you that all those days of giving your all for him wasn't once noticed. "Will you ever grow up already? Attention? Really? We're adults, (Y/n) not teenagers for fucks sake. My time is just wasted because of you!" he doesn't stop there even if you've had your mouth already shut from how he portrayed you as. His words were beginning to leave a deep scar in you as you quiet down to the next line.

"If you think that nothing is troubling me, there is! And you just happen to add in for crying out loud!"

There were no words exchanged after his meltdown. Pinching the bridge of his nose, he looks away from you— who's eyes were already watery. Unable to even tell your side anymore at the ache of your heart. "So..I'm just troubling you then?" quivering out your words, Kuroo clenches his jaw as the bubbling frustration was being held back with the last bit of restrain he had.

"Would you notice if I was gone, Tetsu?"

Instead of being alarmed by your chosen form of sentence, you watched with sad eyes as your husband pulled back his chair and faced his workload. He didn't even noticed you're already crying silently, "Not now, (Y/n). We'll talk later."

He doesn't even noticed how you walked out sobbing with a shattered heart nor the door in the living room closing. Leaving him alone for the next few hours in peace like he wanted.

Time went on quickly when one doesn't take their eyes off from their consecutive workaholic state. With a groan, he almost slams his laptop shut before stretching his bones, slowly relaxing the tense muscles. It's up to his co workers and assistance to deal with the load he's prepared to dump onto them after they threw all theirs to him. Hoping to freshen up his face, Kuroo tidies his desk up before making his way to the door. Stopping in realization of the now cold dinner that was left on the coffee table.

His stomach growled loudly at the lack of food it's digested in the longest run. It was still good if he heats it up, he does miss eating home made meals than his stale ones back in the cafeteria of his workplace. Grabbing the plate carefully he first made a short journey to the kitchen to heat up his food. Unusual it was to have all the lights out in the house. You'd always leave some opened when he was awake. Then again the guilt started to crawl up to his chest knowing he's the cause of why you'd forgotten.

Now entering the bathroom with water running down his face, he plans ahead the apology he owes you when he wakes up tomorrow morning. He could reschedule his own time since he is the boss. He closes the faucet right after he was done rinsing. Looking around for the towel his eyes caught something below the small organizer you put up next to the sink. Grabbing the towel above the first part of the organizer, bending down slowly to avoid getting cramps, his actions were quick to grab the object that caught his attention the moment it seemed so familiar and surprising.

Pregnancy test. Two lines for positive.

Having a child with you was the last thing he's yet to accomplish from his list, and here it was. As much as he wanted to be in denial, it all felt like surge of contentment drowns him in because he was going to be a dad. However his body began to tremble whilst still holding the test and staring intently at it. The previous guilt that was crawling beneath his bones became a dark, desolated hole of anxiety and fear that ate him whole. The things he's said and done will never be taken back no matter how he apologizes to the past events a few hours ago.

Hours ago. It was already 2:25 when the fight had ceased. Deep down he knows he couldn't wait until the next day to plead for forgiveness. After all, he did vow to never leave you both a day feeling heavy alone. Kuroo felt nauseous of how much of an asshole he had treated you. Like starting a game of volleyball once more, he was beyond nervous when he approached your shared bedroom. There was no excuse of his actions indeed as he solemnly enters the dimmed room. He sighs a little shaky when he closes in your bed, "Baby?" he starts, "Baby, are you awake?" it was one of the little things he's memorized that you'd do when you both aren't in good terms. You never really slept, just pretended because you always had the heart to wait up for him.

When he gets no response he reaches out to pat you, only coming to the sense that the sheets were left untouched; no warmth traced behind. You weren't there, any where. His blood runs cold and immediately fishes out for his phone in his pocket, speed dialing your number while he circles the entire area of the house in case you'd be there. Now he was more terrified when he hears the familiar voice mail from the living room couch where you had slept while waiting for him.

You left your phone. His wife wasn't home— his pregnant wife.

"Fuck." running a rough hand through his tangled hair. The lump on his throat grows but he refuses to let out a string of sobs. It was his fault you were gone at such an ungodly hour. Kuroo felt more than a bigger asshole than before he's made you come to the point of leaving home. Just as his mother did and never returned. The one thing he swore you two would never be the same came to life, only thought now is Kuroo doesn't know whether you've left him for good after being a neglectful husband and to have dishearten his own beloved wife like that.

"Would you notice if I was gone?"

Rang in his head as he stood outside the neighborhood, running. Chasing after a hallucinated image of you any place he tried to remember you'd be in. A fool he has been to have left you in a loveless marriage. He loves you, he really does. He can't imagine a life without you in it. Just as it was about to become the happiest he's wanted, he pushed it all too soon. A bad husband, he cries. "(Y/n), please come home." legs aching and panting from having to study all areas. It was pitch black; there were no opened spots for you to even go at an hour of slumber and chaos. The only convenient store did not even have you in it. You were no where to be seen and Kuroo breaks.

Of course he'd notice when it was all too late. The past he's ran away from was still the place he's returned now that the house was only occupied by nothing but rotten memories of the love he didn't took care of. The exact replica of a married life he desperately tried to dodge. "I'm so sorry." for the lonely nights he's left you to sleep, over thinking of what may have been your fault and always figuring him out tirelessly. For the small efforts of adoration he didn't took a glance at and gone to waste. For the words that were never even meant for you to ever feel. For being a neglectful husband. He was sorry he noticed too late how he ruined his precious wife.

Now he's left you on your own out in the dangers outside. If anything horrible happened to you he will forever be crushed. But the world thinks that second chances are given to those who truly deserve them after you came in quietly, slipping off your sandals and waving back to your friend who had dropped you off home. Your short break to the convenient store changed when you met up with her and drove back to her place to rant about what happened. Being the sluggish person you are whenever sadness hits, you never noticed how long you've over stayed. It wasn't like your husband was going to know if he still was working.

Much to your surprise that he wasn't, you stifled a gasp to find him with his hands holding his head that was leaned down on the table. His shoulders were lightly jolting with escapes of audible sniffles, indicating that he was in fact crying. If he looked exhausted before, it wasn't enough to describe his current state; as if he was a man who'd lost every thing as he sat there with all hope lost. Your foot padded on the creaky part of the floor in attempt to tiptoe over his hunched back to comfort him. Squeaking in the awkward situation you've put the room in when Kuroo turns his head behind to see you standing there a bit frightened, but concerned when you saw how disheveled his face looks.

"Tetsu—" his name got cut off short from when you almost tripped over your balance at the sudden impact of Kuroo throwing himself into your arms with his weight. You couldn't make out what he was mumbling on about, but you melt to his embrace even if he squeezes the living day lights from you, afraid that he was going crazy and you weren't real. "Thank God," litters of kisses were placed on your clavicle, "You're back."

He repeats, slowly convincing himself that you are indeed home in his arms, safe, no harm detected. Just home. "I'm so sorry.."

"I didn't mean it. I didn't mean any of what I said, I-I'm so sorry." your bodies swayed gently to the sound of your hushes and his cries of apologies. "Please don't leave me like that again. I was so scared."

"Shhh, it's okay, Tetsu. I'm sorry. I'm okay— we're okay." leading him to sit down at the couch, you placed the bag of different brands of sweets and junk on the table before facing your husband. You had to stifle in a laugh watching him wipe his nose, you couldn't help but be reminded of a mini Tetsuro by looking at him. The argument that stung you faded when he took a hold of your hands and mumbled another apology.

"You shouldn't be sorry for anything. I should be.." flickering his eyes from your belly to your bloodshot eyes from your own fiasco back in your friend's place, he slides in closer next to you where your shoulders touched. "I haven't been a good husband lately, have I?" he looks at you expectantly. Frowning, you still nodded. Tired of hiding your own feelings from him.

"I know you're busy most of the time, Tetsu. But I just wanted you to recognize me as your wife." thumbs quick to swipe away the tear that had shed from your eye, "We're in this together, remember?" he pulls you right from the arm, shoving your face to his chest in need to hold you for all the times he should've. Ignoring the dampness of his white long-sleeved polo, breathing in the scent of your sweet shampoo. You were still so forgiving and understanding despite on how equally tired as he was you are.

"I'm so sorry I've made you feel as if I never cared anymore. You never deserved that." his lips found it's way to the crown of your head. "I don't deserve you, and I really don't want to lose you after me being stupid." giggling through tears, fist connecting a soft punch on his chest, bubbling a chuckle to the surface as he lightly pulls you away from hiding.

"I really didn't mean all of those things I've said, baby. I love you and only you." stroking ever so lovingly your cheek, you don't catch on to the fact that his other hand was placed over your stomach protectively. Making a silent promise to not only you, but the soon to be new addition to the family that he will never again neglect what he should've cherished more and looked after than the constant worries at the back of his head.

Because he will never again repeat the replica of a broken family he once was born in.

© all content belongs to mochikeiji. Please do not repost or copy, ありがとうございました!! (=^･^=)

[eunoiaflow3r]

not ur friend

spencer reid x reader

aaron hotchner x reader

part two - part three

a/n: haven’t written for spence in a while lol. hope you guys like it. wow...and i wrote him as an ass. bahahaha what am i going through i’m so sorry.

warning(s): language. angst. not proofread. will be mistakes.

word count: 1.8k

request(ed): no.

summary: y/n overhears something she shouldn’t have. this conversation alters her relationship.

not ur friend by jeremy zucker.

———————-——————&————————————

Hang up, if you ever think of calling me up. Not afraid to say it, darling.

3 days.

It’s been an entire weekend of you ignoring Spencer and his ever intruding phone calls. This wouldn’t have been a big deal except for the fact that this felt like a breakup. Your head and heart was treating this like you were in a relationship and he made it painfully clear that you weren’t.

It was quiet in your apartment. The television was off, the radio was silent, the heater had paused and even the refrigerator wasn’t making the usual silent buzz noise it made. The deafness of it all allowed the conversation you heard friday night play over and over again through your ached head.

Friday 11:37 pm.

“So Reid...” you picked up your phone when it rang and read Spencer’s name across the screen. It wasn’t like him to call so late but you picked up anyway. When it was a muffled Morgan’s voice you heard instead of Spencer’s you realized he hadn’t even meant to call you at all.

“How’s your girlfriend?”

You just knew all eyes were on him. Spencer Reid was very private about his social life. It was rare he even told you about anything he’d been up to. He just wasn’t one for small talk. The fact that you just knew they were talking about you made you press your phone harder into your ear even though you weren’t even sure you should have been listening.

“Oh y/n? Yeah she’s definitely not my girlfriend.”

This stung. There wasn’t even a label or anything that you guys put on it, but usually when Spencer would talk about his romantic relationships he’d get nervous and stuttery and try to change the subject. Spencer’s voice was clear and steady. Zero hints of nervousness and bashfulness. He was serious.

“Really?” This was Emily now, you could recognize her voice. “You guys seem like pretty close friends if you know what I mean.” Her tone was laced with humor but Spencer’s was far from joking.

“No. I wouldn’t call us friends either. She’s just someone I visit. Like y’know...how you would a grandmother.”

A grandmother? He compared you to a grandmother? He said visiting you was like visiting a grandmother?? You could feel the tears in your eyes. You really thought Spencer was a good guy. Why would he say something so rude? Something so hurtful about the person he was sleeping with.

It wasn’t a friends with benefits. You guys had agreed on that, but you weren’t dating either. You had met him at a museum and ever since then you two had behaved as if a couple would. The only difference was that you weren’t public. You weren’t posting pictures, or gushing over how cute you thought your “boyfriend” was to your friends. And you were fine with that. Labels are constricting. You were glad not to have them except when he decided to say he barely knew you at all and compared you to a grandmother.

“Damn.” Morgan sounded impressed. “Does she know that?”

“Maybe.” Spencer paused. “There’s nothing really romantic about our relationship. To be honest, she can be a bit needy at times and it’s suffocating.”

He paused again.

“I’m actually thinking of breaking things off. She wants more and I just don’t like her that way.”

Sorry, I'm not sorry if it hurts. I don’t mean to make it worse.

This is where you hung up. Your tears never stopped flowing. How dare he? How dare he say you were needy and suffocating? You rarely asked him for anything, and didn’t bother him with things at all. You knew he was a busy person. A busy and hardworking person. You never tried to ask him for more than he was willing to give. Ever. It hurt your heart to think he was playing you the whole time.

It hurt to think that all the “I adore you’s” and “I think I’m in love with you’s” were all fake. You were pretty sure with the way things were headed that you and Spencer would have much more than just a relationship. Much more than sex and cuddles. But a meaning - an understanding.

Spencer was your comfort. Your safe place. The person you’d go to if you were hurting, or in trouble. You were his. Countless times he came to your house and cried to you about the stress from his job. He’d hold you and tell you all about his day and what more he wished he could have done.

You’d buy him his favorite food and he’d cuddle you to sleep only to wake you up in the morning with kisses and great morning sex. To hear all of that meant basically nothing to him tore your heart to pieces.

It made you want to throw up. Had you wasted your time? Had he felt this way the entire time and you just never noticed because you hoped he felt the same? Were there signs that you missed? Something you could have done to prevent yourself from falling this hard for someone who didn’t care?

But you thought he cared.

Spencer was the most caring, empathetic person you’d ever met in your life. He was so understanding in a way no one could ever get.

I've decided that I'm not your fucking friend.

This is why you thought that maybe this is why he tried to hide you. Maybe he just was afraid of his friends not liking you, or afraid of someone from where he worked would try to hurt you. You prayed this was the case. You hoped and cried that this was the reason he’d ever let those words leave his mouth.

The reason you couldn’t believe this though is something understandable.

He had never, ever, called you anything other than his friend, and never wanted to go out.

He told you it was because he was protecting you, but he never wanted to even meet your friends. And when you talked about a guy or introduced him to one, he’d get upset and say something like, “Yeah well he seems perfect for you anyway. Not like we’re a thing - do what you want.”

And your brain tried to rationalize this as protection. The more you thought about it the more the other part of your brain screamed manipulation. You tried to ignore it but is that what was happening? Had he been manipulating you the entire time and you just never knew it?

If he was protecting you he wouldn’t call you needy. He wouldn’t not even bother to look at your friends. He wouldn’t feel the need to hide you from the entire world and lie about it in such a - douchebag way.

This hurt you though. His team can call out a liar faster than anyone and they would have said something if they thought he was lying. They would have defended you. The wouldn’t have egged him away and joked about you like you were some embarrassing one night stand.

You expected respect and decency and got dishonesty and asshole attitudes instead.

After the weekend of pitying yourself you realized you needed to stop. This wasn’t your fault. He has issues of his own. Issues he needs to work out and come to terms with on his own. Why should you feel anything for a man trying to hide you? Lying to you? Lying to his friends ABOUT you. Reassuring yourself helped but didn’t help the ache in your heart.

Were you ready for this? Were you ready to throw it all away? After all it could just be a misunderstanding. A misinterpretation. It could be your fault. Maybe you were clingy.

No.

No. Absolutely not. You weren’t going to try to defend his actions.

Right now, there's not much that we agree on. Sit down, if you need someone to lean on.

You called him.

“Hello?” he answered right away. “Where have you been are you okay? I was gonna come over and check.”

“Don’t come over.” You cleared your throat and blinked away tears.

“Then please come to mine. I have to talk to you, I missed you.”

He still has no idea. He doesn’t have a clue what you overheard on the phone. All the pieces of the puzzle you put together. All that you’ve realized in the past 3 days.

You rolled your eyes. Any other day you’d think his obliviousness was adorable but right now it only made you want to punch him in his stomach for lying to you and wasting your time.

“I’ll be over to give you your things.”

And you hung up.

That was so hard for you to do and you had hot wet tears running down your face to prove it. No matter how many times you tried to brush them away they just kept on going down.

Fuck him.

A shower and a change of clothes later you were finally ready to see him.

Honest, if I'm coming to your place, it's to say it to your face...

In your car you tried to talk yourself out of it. You told yourself to just forget the phone call over happened and just go back to the way things were. At least you here happy then...at least...sort of. You were okay. You were happy with him. The time you spent with him was enjoyable but you were tired of being his therapist. You were tired of being his dirty mistress. You didn’t want to be lied to or lied about. You were over it.

When you got there he rushed you in the house and looked down at you confusingly.

You had never been inside his place. The only time you were ever really here was when you were inside waiting in the car so that he could change his shirt.

“I thought you were coming tomorrow?”

“I came now to give you your things.”

“JJ will be here soon, you should probably leave. Why did you bring this stuff?”

“They’re yours. They shouldn’t be at my place.”

He looked confused but took the box from your hands anyway.

“I’m leaving.” You simply said and turned towards the door. The sooner you were out the better.

“Can I at least have a kiss?” Spencer asked in the cute voice he knew you liked.

You closed your eyes. “Sorry Reid, but no. I don’t want to seem needy or suffocating, ya’know? Makes it easier to break things off.”

Color drained from his face as he realized what you were talking about. He couldn’t even come up with an excuse other than a - “No, baby I -“

You put your palm in the air facing him telling him to stop.

“It’s okay. I was just someone you visited...like a grandmother. You shouldn’t miss me too much. We’re not even friends, right?”

You walked out of the house.

You walked out on him. Your heart was beating out of your chest. He was always the one to leave. He was always the one to say goodbye.

I've decided that I'm not your fucking friend.

—————————————-#————————————

taglist: @hotchsbabygirl @pinkdiamond1016 @thefemalestorywriter @sizzlingclamturtlesludge @samyilf123

[ppangjae]

PLANET GIRL | part 1

SUMMARY. When Jaehyun turned twenty-one, he started to hear his soulmate’s voice singing an unfamiliar song in his head. He should be happy, right? Wrong. There are two things wrong with this:

He’s taken. He’s off the market. He’s in a 3-year relationship and,

The voice singing in his head is not his girlfriend’s voice.

Now what?

GENRE. soulmate!au | cinderella!au | cupid!reader | college!au | fluff | angst

WORD COUNT. 6k+ words

author’s note. after much consideration, i decided to post this fic in three parts so that it’s not as hectic! you know me, i love adding ✨drama ✨ now, before you come at me for posting this and not a made to fall in love update, this first part of this fic has been done since mid-september. i’d rather release it than let it collect dust in my drafts. so yes, here she is. happy reading!

taglist: @billiondollarworth @cafemochi @stae-yong @chanyeolscoon @ggaayyyong @soothingjae @taestannie @plump-peach @oshmendes @lanadreamie​ @justineasian​ @jjpmoans​ @beryllium-io​ @jaeismytamtation​ @noonapabo127 @hanniesbubble​ 

PART ONE. cupid | PART TWO. jupiter | 2.5 intermission | PART THREE. PLANET GIRL

“Mark, get your ass over here before I do it myself!”

“Holy shit, what’s the rush?”

“Tomorrow’s Valentine’s Day.”

“And what about it?”

It’s that time of the year again; Valentine’s Day. It’s the day where people fall in love or get their hearts broken. But to you, it’s the day where you’re designated to a new target. To put it simply, you’re Cupid. You are part of a family of Cupid’s. However, you hate being called Cupid, you moreso see yourself as a matchmaker. 

Every Valentine’s Day, you’re designated to a new target. As a matchmaker, it is your responsibility to make your target fall in love within one year. If you fail to complete your mission, you will be stripped of your abilities of matchmaking. 

Last year, your target was Johnny. Johnny was an easy target to work with, for he fell in love with the local cafe barista within three months. The two of them are happily dating now and it’s almost as if they’re still in their honeymoon phase. 

Two years ago, your target was your roommate Mark. It took a while for him to fall in love. He was quite difficult to work with because he was so focused on his studies that he barely batted an eyelash at a human of the opposite sex. But you still managed to do it and all it took was to introduce him to Mina, the studious chemistry student who’s been crushing on him since freshman year. 

But this year, you’re not quite sure who to expect. 

“Are you getting your new assignment tomorrow?” Mark finally enters your room after what seems like forever, falling against your bed. He lands and lets out a soft ‘oof!’. You turn away from your desktop to face him. 

“Of course,” you reply with a quirk of an eyebrow. “What kind of question is that? Tomorrow’s Valentine’s Day, the day of love and the day of heartbreak.”

“Are you excited?”

“Not the slightest bit.” You let out a tiring sigh.

“Why not?” He frowns.

“Because I have to stress over someone else’s love life for another damn year.” You shrug your shoulders as you explain. “I already have other things to stress out over.”

“You’re always granted a year per love assignment. A year is enough to make someone fall in love, right?”

You laugh. “A year per love assignment? I wish a year was enough. A year goes by with a blink of an eye. Before you know it, it’s Valentine’s Day again.”

“You’re being too hard on yourself. Why don’t you just skip out on the matchmaking just for this year?” He suggests and you shake your head.

“I can’t.” You purse your lips into a tight line. 

He lets out a snort. “I’m sure it’s possible—”

“It’s impossible.”

There are many great things about being a Cupid; you help people fall in love with each other and the outcome is always beautiful. But there are also many downfalls about being a Cupid, one of them being cursed to never fall in love. You’ve always craved the feeling of being loved by someone. As much as you hate to admit it, you’re needy for love. But the closest you’ll ever feel to being in love is witnessing the love being shared by two people, specifically between your love assignment and their soulmate.

You wonder how it feels to have someone care for you. You wonder how it feels to be sought after. You wonder how it feels to hug someone and hold their hand. But you guess you’ll never know because you’ll never experience it.

“God, I want to throw up.”

Johnny lets out a snort as the both of you pass by the seasonal section of the department store. There’s a plethora of Valentine’s Day chocolates on the shelves, along with teddy bears and heart plushies. Seeing the bright, flashing red on the days leading up to Valentine’s Day is surely a sore to the eye. 

“I know, it makes me want to poke my eyes out.” Johnny sighs.

“And what are we here for again?” You ask Johnny as you follow him to the baked goods section of the department store. Your question seems to be answered when you find yourselves standing in front of a shelf filled with ready-made birthday cakes. You quirk an eyebrow. “Who’s birthday is it? It’s definitely not Mark’s birthday, don’t even try to trick me.”

“It’s Jaehyun’s birthday tomorrow, I figured it would be sweet of me to get him a birthday cake.” He shrugs his shoulders as he points between two cakes on the shelves. “This one or this one?”

You point at the plain birthday cake on the left. “This one. You know what would be really funny? If you printed his face on the cake.”

Johnny looks at you and squints his eyes. “You're a genius.”

You have no idea who Jaehyun is. You don’t even know what he looks like. You’ve only heard of him through Johnny. The both of them host the university’s famous evening radio show, Night Night with JohnJae. You’re a listener of their show, mainly because you are supportive of your best friend Johnny. You’re sure Jaehyun is a great guy, especially since Johnny and Jaehyun share good chemistry with each other. You’ll probably get along with him well if you met him. But that encounter has yet to happen. 

As Johnny hands the cake over to the bakery chef to print Jaehyun’s face on it, he turns towards you. “And now we wait.”

“What time do you have to be at the studio?” You question.

He looks down at his watch. “I’ll make it on time. By the way, Mark has been making great song requests by this SoundCloud artist. From what he tells me, the artist is a student from our university.”

You quirk an eyebrow, gulping nervously. “Who’s this SoundCloud artist?”

“Planet Girl.” Johnny pulls out his phone and opens up the music app before handing it over for you to see. You stare at the artist’s profile. “Do you know her?”

You shake your head in reply. “Unfortunately, I don’t.”

“Damn,” Johnny lets out a sigh. “I was hoping you did. Jaehyun and I want her to be a guest on the show, it could probably help her get more attention in the industry.”

“Sorry to disappoint,” you purse your lips into a tight line. “I only know so many people in my program. I have a very small, closely knitted group of friends. They are the only people I’ve known since I stepped on campus in freshman year.”

“I was hoping you’ve heard of her, at least.” He chuckles. “But damn, her music is so good. I can’t wait until her mixtape drops. I’m sure it’ll be such a banger.”

“I should probably check her out.” 

“You should!” Johnny exclaims. “I wonder who she is.”

You fiddle with your fingers. You stare at Johnny who’s scrolling through the SoundCloud artist’s profile, adding a couple of the artist’s songs to his playlists. You blink and with a slight tilt of your head, you clear your throat. “Yeah, me too—”

“I have an order for Johnny!”

11:51 pm.

“Right before we sign off for the night, do you have anything to say to our listeners?”

Johnny has a shit-eating grin spread across his lips. He comes back into the studio with a birthday cake. It’s not just your typical birthday cake. It’s a birthday cake with Jaehyun’s face on it and it’s blown out in an odd proportion. The candles aren’t birthday candles either, in fact, they’re heart-shaped candles, perfect for Valentine’s Day. Jaehyun lets out a sigh. What is he going to do with Johnny?

“I just wanted to greet our handsome radio host slash Valentine boy, Jaehyun, a happy birthday! We have—” Johnny glances down at his wristwatch before continuing. “—nine more minutes before it’s officially Jaehyun’s birthday and Valentine’s Day. And what’s better than celebrating it with a birthday cake?”

“Is that my face?” 

“Who else would it be, doofus?” Johnny scoffs, pulling out a lighter to light the candles. Jaehyun lets out a snort as Johnny starts to sing him a happy birthday. After the happy birthday song, Johnny frowns and sends him a death glare. “Why aren’t you getting emotional? I did all of this to get that reaction?”

Jaehyun gives him a look. “And so as we sign off for the night, I just wanted to thank Johnny for his efforts in kicking off my birthday on a high note. I also want to greet everyone with a Happy Valentine’s Day. Whether you are happily dating someone or admiring someone from afar, just know that you are all in our hearts.”

“Stop being greasy.” Johnny winces. “Anyways, we’re going to sign off for the night with a song request from Mark Lee! Goodnight and see you tomorrow, here is Loose by Daniel Caesar.”

They turn their microphones off and Johnny pushes the birthday cake towards him. “Quick! Make a wish before the candles go out.”

Jaehyun clasps his hands together and makes a wish. With a satisfied grin, his eyes flutter open and he blows out the candles. Johnny’s taking a video of him blowing out the candles before dipping his finger into the icing. Jaehyun gives him a warning look but it’s too late because Johnny smears the icing on his cheek.

“You little shit—” 

“It’s midnight! Happy birthday, Jaehyun!”

12:01 am. 

It all happens quickly. Johnny’s dipping his fingers into the icing to smear more of it on Jaehyun’s cheeks. Jaehyun hears a slight ringing in his ears and his eyebrows knit together. Johnny doesn’t seem to notice how uncomfortable Jaehyun feels until he’s about to smear his cheeks with icing. 

“Jaehyun, are you alright?” Johnny asks him with a concerned look.

The ringing in his ears halts to a stop. He remembers this. He remembers his father telling him that he experienced a distinct ringing in his ears before he started to hear his mother’s voice humming in his head. Jaehyun blinks. The ringing in his ears causes him to see different specks of colours, red, blue, and even green. He feels like his head is spinning. He feels like he’s going to pass out. But it only happens for a brief moment.

Suddenly, he hears a soft voice humming a melody in his head. In an instant, the soft humming in his head stops him from seeing colours and he no longer feels faint. He’s too absorbed in his thoughts to snap back to reality. Johnny is waving his hand in his face to pull him out of his trance. Jaehyun sucks in a deep breath, almost like he’s gasping for air. The soft humming in his head slowly turns into a voice that’s singing an unfamiliar song. He’s never heard this song before.

Johnny sighs with relief when Jaehyun snaps out of his deep trance. Jaehyun looks at Johnny with slightly widened eyes. 

“Johnny, I think we have a problem.”

Johnny snorts. “What are you talking about? You’re probably just tired. We should head back to the dorms before you knock out cold in the studio again.”

Jaehyun runs his fingers through his hair. “R-Right. We should probably go.”

Johnny rests his hand on his shoulder. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, everything’s—everything’s alright.” Jaehyun stutters.

No, nothing’s alright. Nothing’s okay. 

His phone buzzes in his pocket. He pulls it out to see a new text notification from his girlfriend. 

ara (12:03 am): happy birthday my love! and happy valentine’s day! i love you 3000.

Jaehyun just turned twenty-one. Not only that, but he just started to hear his soulmate’s voice in his head. He should be happy, right? Wrong. There are two things wrong with this:

He’s taken. He’s off the market. He’s in a 3-year relationship and,

The voice singing in his head is not his girlfriend’s voice.

Well, shit. Now what?

It’s the day you dread with your entire existence; Valentine’s Day. The campus couples flock to the local cafes and parks, the dormitories and even the campus football field. It truly makes you want to throw up. If you could take a shot of vodka for every time you’ve witnessed a couple kissing or giving each other their Valentine’s Day chocolates, you’d be shitfaced drunk by now. 

The only person keeping you sane is Mark. But even with Mark’s presence, he’s too absorbed by the presence of his own girlfriend, Mina. You guess this will do. It’s not like you really have a choice.

Today, you’re going to get your new love assignment. You’re not sure who to expect. Every year, it’s become less surprising and more disappointing. You guess it has to do with your aching desire for love, but you’re not going to dive deep into that. 

You’ll know who your love assignment is when you meet their eyes. When you meet your love assignment’s eyes, you won’t see yourself reflected through their eyes, but their soulmate, their partner you’re supposed to link them to. The moment you witness it, your year to make them fall in love begins. 

Be careful though, time is ticking.

“Can you guys stop talking to each other in baby voices?” You snap at the couple sitting next to you on the picnic blanket. 

The couple had decided to bring you along on their picnic date, just because they figured that you needed to ‘spice’ your life up a bit. You feel like a huge burden to them because whenever you’re with them, all you do is complain about all the things they do as a couple. Could you really blame yourself at this point? 

“Y/N, if only you had a boyfriend, you would know how it feels.” Mina sticks her tongue out at you and you feel your eye twitch. 

Mark lets out a nervous laugh. “Y/N is an independent woman who doesn’t need a man—”

“Yeah, your boyfriend’s right.” You cut him off, looking at Mina dead straight in the eyes. “Got a problem with that?”

“Stop giving me attitude—”

“And stop acting like I didn’t help you and Mark get together.” You snap.

She smiles and laughs sheepishly. As she gets up onto her two feet, she dusts off her straight-cut jeans before pointing towards the local cafe. “Do you guys want anything? My treat.”

“I’ll have the usual,” Mark replies. “Take my card—”

“Babe, no—”

“I’m not letting you pay for our drinks again—”

You let out a scowl, placing some cash into Mina’s hand. “Here. I’ll pay. I’m this close to ripping my hair off my scalp and it’s because of you two.”

“Did you wake up on the wrong side of the bed this morning?” Mina frowns. “You’ve been petty all day.”

“Get me a double shot on ice,” you mutter. “No sugar or cream. Got it?”

“You’re just like how you like your coffee,” Mina folds her arms. “Bitter.”

As Mina is walking away from you and Mark, you fall back against the picnic blanket. The clouds come by in funny shapes today. You spot a tiny, heart-shaped cloud floating past in the blue skies. You snort, love seems to be everywhere today, even in the skies. Your eyes flutter shut. You’re so close to dozing off into a quick nap until you hear a loud yell from a couple of metres away. It’s too late for you to open your eyes and see who’s yelling because the moment you do, there’s a soccer ball flying in the air. The size of the soccer ball grows when you start to realize that it’s literally going to land right on your face—

“Nice save, dude.” Mark says as he looks at you with amusement. Just in time and with your fast instincts, you managed to cover your face with the palms of your hands to catch the ball. 

Mark’s pulling you up into a seated position. As you sit up, you see someone approaching you from the corner of your eye. 

“I’m so sorry about that!” A soft voice exclaims and you turn to your right. You look up at a woman around your age. She has long black hair and a soft face. She looks warmhearted. Her vibe radiates happiness and happy-go-lucky, welcoming and sociable. Everything you’re not. She’s sporting a soccer jersey and a pair of athletic joggers. “Are you alright? I hope you didn’t get hurt or anything.”

You wave it off. “I’m A-okay. There’s nothing to worry about. Here’s your soccer ball.”

She slightly bends down to retrieve her ball. Her long black hair blocks your eyesight for a brief moment until the wind blows it away. Your eyes meet hers and a soft gasp threatens to escape your lips. 

You’ll know who your love assignment is when you meet their eyes. Her eyes are a nice warm brown, shining underneath the sunlight. You swear you could see stars in her eyes. No, scratch that, you can see galaxies and stars in her eyes.

When you meet your love assignment’s eyes, you won’t see yourself reflected through their eyes, but their soulmate. And indeed, you look at her with slight surprise and shock when you don’t see your own reflection through her eyes. Instead, you see what seems to be a soccer player. The more you look into her eyes, the more information you obtain about her soulmate. He slowly turns around and it reveals his name on the back of his soccer jersey—

“Yuta?” You whisper.

The woman’s eyebrows knit together in confusion. She takes her ball and straightens up her posture. “Thanks again. What’s your name? I feel like I’ve seen you before.”

You snap out of it. “Y/N! My name’s Y/N. Nice to meet you.”

She smiles and her eyes form into beautiful crescents. “Nice to meet you, Y/N. I’m Ara. I should probably get going before I run late for lecture. See you around?”

You nod your head vigorously. “Yeah, I’ll see you around. Nice to meet you too, take care.”

You find yourself staring at her as she walks away. Mark looks at you as you seem to fall into a deep trance. He follows your gaze that falls on Ara. “Hey, is everything alright?”

You tear your gaze away from her to look at Mark. “What’s her name again?”

Mark looks at you with a funny smile. “You forgot her name already? Her name’s Ara.”

“Mark,” you gulp nervously. “She’s my love assignment for this year.”

Mark’s face pales. His funny smile vanishes from his face. He looks like he’s seen a ghost. You can’t seem to comprehend the expression on his face but you know that something’s not good. There’s an unsettling feeling in the pit of your stomach as Mark’s mouth hangs open.

“You’re joking, right?” Mark frowns. “How could Ara be your love assignment? That’s—That’s impossible, I—”

You shake your head. “I’m not joking. I didn’t see myself reflected through her eyes, I saw Yuta—”

“You saw Jaehyun.” Mark cuts you off. “Right? Jaehyun. You saw Jaehyun, right?”

You let out a nervous laugh. “Why would I see Jaehyun? I didn’t see Jaehyun. I saw Yuta, the university’s soccer team player. He was wearing a jersey and he turned around. I saw his name printed on his jersey. Nakamoto Yuta—”

“Please tell me you’re kidding.” Mark winces.

“I’m not kidding!” You exclaim in a panicked voice. “Why would I be kidding?”

Mark palms his forehead and lets out a laugh of disbelief. He shakes his head. You stare at him questioningly. What’s happening? What’s going on? 

“Mark, you’re confusing me.” You say with worry etched on your face. “I am telling you the truth. I saw Nakamoto Yuta reflected in her eyes—”

“Ara is Jaehyun’s girlfriend. They’ve been dating for three years. Now you’re telling me that Ara’s your love assignment and you don’t see Jaehyun reflected in her eyes… but Yuta?”

“Holy shit.”

“I’m back with our drinks! Wait, what’s wrong? Why are you guys looking at each other like that?”

The image of Yuta’s reflection in Ara’s eyes never seems to leave your mind. In fact, it has been the only thing haunting you ever since. The revelation leaves you in nothing but a spiralling mess. You are required to make Ara fall in love with her soulmate, who so happens to be Yuta. But at the same exact time, to complete your mission, you must do something to end Ara’s relationship with Jaehyun.

You wish it was a joke.

It all comes down to whether you have the heart to lead Ara to her destined soulmate and end her relationship with Jaehyun or leave things for her to figure out but lose your matchmaking abilities as a Cupid.

The sticky situation makes you want to pull your hair off your scalp. It makes you want to look up to the heavens and yell at your ancestors for being Cupids, for passing down their matchmaking abilities to every generation after them, and for passing down the curse of never falling in love. 

“Stop thinking about it too much, it’s making you age faster.” 

You glare at Mark. “I don’t even know Jaehyun personally but I’m sure he’s a great guy who deserves everything in the entire universe, not some soccer player and a so-called Cupid to ruin his three-year relationship with Ara.”

“What happens if you don’t make Ara fall in love with her soulmate within a year—oh, Johnny, hey!”

Your mouth clamps shut and your head whips around. Johnny occupies the empty seat next to you and greets you with a light nudge. He nods his head at Mark. “What happens if what?”

Mark gulps nervously. He lets out a squeak. “Nothing!”

Mark makes eye contact with you and you give him a warning gaze. Johnny shrugs his shoulders and brushes off the conversation by starting a new one. “Tonight at six. Jaehyun’s apartment. We’re going to have a chicken and beer night.”

“This is exactly what I needed—” Mark points at him.

“I think I’ll have to pass on that one. I have a—” 

“Uh, no you’re not.” Johnny shakes his head. “What excuse are you going to tell me this time? Your excuses are getting lamer every time. It’s quite obvious.”

You sigh. “I’d rather study. Besides, I have a midterm coming up and the last thing I want is to tank it.”

“It’s just one night. Chicken and beer. Who turns down chicken and beer? With friends, too?” Mark tries to convince you but you’re using your eyes to communicate the idea that this will not turn out well.

“Who’s coming?” You tear your gaze away from Mark when he doesn’t seem to take a hint. You’re reaching for your water bottle to take a quick sip of water.

“It’ll be me, Mark, Jaehyun, Jungwoo, Ara,” Johnny recalls the guests from the top of his head. “Oh! Yuta is coming too—”

You choke on your water. As you’re going through a coughing fit, Mark grabs your water bottle to prevent any more water from spilling onto the table. Johnny pats your back. “Y-Yuta? As in, Nakamoto Yuta?”

Johnny smiles. “Indeed. Why? Do you have a crush on him or something—”

“No!” You and Mark blurt out in unison.

Johnny gives you both a funny look. “Okay, geez, I was just joking around. Unless, you do, have a crush on Yuta, Y/N—”

“Look who we have here.” 

It’s a foreign yet familiar voice. You’ve heard that voice somewhere. You sneak a quick glance at Mark, whose eyes are wide like saucers. You could see his Adam’s apple bob up and down as he gulps nervously. Mark’s eyes trail down to meet yours. 

“Jaehyun! Ara! Perfect timing!”

Definitely not perfect timing. You mirror Mark with the same wide eyes. It’s almost as if you’ve shrivelled up or froze up into an ice statue. Johnny doesn’t seem to notice you shoving your things into your tote bag out of sheer panic. Mark’s eyes dart between you and the newly-arrived couple. 

“Hey, sorry, I completely forgot that I have a meeting with my group for our project.” It comes out as a squeak. Everyone’s looking at you and you can’t find the strength to look at any of them in the eye. But you can surely feel the attention that’s been shifted towards you. 

“Leaving already?” Johnny pouts. “I just got here—”

“Sorry!” You exclaim, standing up from your seat and making a beeline for the exit doors of the study room. You look over your shoulder. Johnny has a cute pout on his lips as he watches you scurry away from them. “I’ll make it up to you!”

“You’ll make it up to me by joining us tonight for chicken and beer!”

When Jaehyun and Ara take up the spot you used to sit at, Mark can’t help but look at Ara with round eyes. He just can’t seem to look at Ara the same way anymore, especially when she’s with Jaehyun. Mark decides to settle his gaze on Jaehyun instead, but he still feels the same. He can’t look at Jaehyun the same way either. The first person that comes to mind when he looks at the couple sitting across from him is Nakamoto Yuta. The second and last person that comes to mind is you.

There are two innocent people being brought into this mess. It’s you and Yuta.

And what’s worse is that Jaehyun and Ara are just as innocent.

You and Mark find yourselves standing in front of Jaehyun’s door. Surprisingly, it’s quiet. You don’t hear Johnny’s loud voice through the thin door. Instead, right when Mark knocks on the door, you hear someone’s faint shuffling that gets louder and louder as they get close to the door. The door swings open and your mouth slightly parts open. This is—?

“Jaehyun!” Mark exclaims, crashing into Jaehyun’s arms. 

You stand there awkwardly as you watch them embrace. Jaehyun pats Mark’s back until his eyes meet yours. Jaehyun. You’ve known of him. But now that you can put a face to his name, you’re immediately brought back to your freshman year, specifically your freshman orientation week. You’ve seen his face before. Jaehyun was amongst the popular freshmen in your year mainly due to his charisma and charm. By the end of freshman orientation week, he had become a magnet that attracted everyone to him. But not only did you remember him from orientation week, but you remember being one of the many people who were attracted to him. He had become your first university crush, but ever since orientation week, you never saw him again.

Until now.

“I’m guessing you’re Y/N?” Jaehyun asks and you find yourself snapping out of your trance. “I’d be surprised if you weren’t.”

You slowly nod your head. “Yes, that’s me.”

“The one that was scurrying away earlier?” He chuckles.

You roll your eyes. “God, please don’t remind me. That was embarrassing.”

“Nice to meet you,” he smiles and oh boy, are those dimples? 

You swoon. Too bad Jaehyun’s off the market. But at the same time, it’s a shame that you’re going to be the one to ruin his relationship and put him back on the market. You muster up a smile. “Nice to meet you too, Jaehyun.”

You and Mark make yourselves comfortable in Jaehyun’s apartment. Your eyes scan the place and just by the small touches to his apartment, you can pick up what kind of person Jaehyun is. From the LP turntable sitting in one corner of the room accompanied by a great stack of records—he has some exquisite taste in music—to the mini fridge filled with bottles of wine, you can tell that he’s a young man with an old soul. You turn to your right when you spot a piano and a microphone stand. It’s a makeshift studio in the opposite corner of his living room. He sings?

“I’ve heard many things about you from Johnny,” Jaehyun starts a conversation as he hands you a can of beer. “And Mark, of course.”

You open the can of beer to take your first sip, making sure to squint your eyes at Mark. “I hope they’re good things.”

He smiles. “There’s nothing to worry about. They put you up to the highest standard.”

You cough. “As they should.”

Mark scoffs. “You’re being too obnoxious right now.”

“Shut up,” you mutter, taking another sip of your beer. “What’s taking Johnny so long to get here? After scolding me for bailing out on every single function, here he is, pulling up later than promised.”

“Speaking of,” Jaehyun says as he stares at his phone. “His uber just pulled up. I’ll meet up with him downstairs. While I go fetch him, make yourselves comfortable.”

Jaehyun leaves you alone in silence. The moment Jaehyun shuts the door, Mark shoots you a cheeky grin. He’s wiggling his eyebrows at you and you can’t help but squint your eyes at him. 

“Why are you looking at me like that—”

“You like him, don’t you?”

You scoff in disbelief. “I do not like him like that—”

“You do.” Mark cuts you off. “I’m getting that type of energy from you—”

“Well, sorry to disappoint, I don’t like him like that. Besides, he’s in a relationship with Ara—”

“He’s in a relationship that you’re destined to end.” Mark reminds you and you frown. “What? It’s true!”

You shake your head and with a stern voice, you say, “I don’t like Jaehyun. I just find him... charming.”

“That’s all—”

“And handsome—”

“Oh—”

“And sweet.” You add. “But other than that, I don’t like him. I’m Cupid, remember? I’m cursed to never fall in love and so the chances of me liking Jaehyun? Very slim.”

Mark smirks. “But you find him charming, handsome, and sweet. Isn’t that more than enough to like someone?”

“There’s a very distinct line drawn between infatuation and love, Mark.” You state with a matter of fact. 

“So, you’re infatuated with Jaehyun—”

“What’s up party people, put your hands up!”

Both of your mouths clamp shut at Johnny’s freakishly loud voice echoing the apartment the moment he walks in. You dumbly put your hands up and Mark lets out a loud cackle. Entering right after him are Ara and—

“Yuta, my right hand and my go-to!” Mark exclaims.

You wish you were invisible, especially when Ara spots you on the couch and sends you a wave. You’re mustering up a very tight-lipped smile as you wave back at her. Great, this is going to be a long night. Jaehyun follows suit, throwing his arm over Ara’s shoulder and pecking her cheek. Mark sneaks a glance at you as you’re tearing your gaze away from the couple to take another sip of beer.

“Y/N actually came for once,” Johnny teases you. 

Everyone gathers around the small coffee-table. Scattered on the small table are three boxes of chicken along with a can of beer for everyone. You’re sitting right across from Yuta, who hasn’t uttered a single word since he got here. But surprisingly enough, his eyes meet yours and you quickly look away. Your heart begins to race. 

And your heart starts to beat much faster when Yuta never seems to break his stare at you for the rest of the night.

Yuta has definitely seen you before but he can’t seem to pinpoint exactly where he’s seen you. It must have been a fleeting moment, where the both of you passed by each other unknowingly. But after looking into your wandering eyes, after watching you chug a can of beer right across from him, he has found his answer.

Valentine’s Day.

He was biking on his way home after a three-hour lecture. Too many couples. He remembers the excessive amount of couples strolling down the busy streets. He remembers having the urge to rip his eyes out whenever he came to a stoplight and spotted a couple sharing a passionate (way too passionate) kiss. But he also remembers the sudden loneliness he felt.

Ara. He’s always found her pretty in her own special way. His first encounter with Ara was when she auditioned for the co-ed soccer team. He was seated at the bleachers as one of the head coaches who chose the new team members. She was everything he adored in someone. It was like she had her own glow whenever she ran down the field, with her hair bouncing as she ran. 

But too bad because she’s—

“Taken?”

Jaehyun let out a sigh on the other phone line. Yuta pursed his lips into a tight line. “Listen, I tried to get those concert tickets for you tonight through my connections. But all of the available seats are taken. Well, there are still some seats but the seats you wanted are gone.”

“Do you have tickets for other seats?” Jaehyun questioned.

“Yeah, but the seats are pretty far from the stage. Are you alright with that?”

He heard distinct chatter on the other phone line. He heard Ara’s soft voice and a smile threatened to escape his lips. Right… she’s taken by Jaehyun. “We’ll take them!”

“Perfect.” Yuta chuckled. “I’m on my way to your apartment, actually. I’ll be there in a couple of minutes to give you the tickets.”

Yuta turned to his right and into a familiar neighbourhood. He slowed down his bike when he reached Jaehyun’s apartment building. As he headed up a couple flights of stairs, he reached Jaehyun’s apartment completely out of breath. The door opened and he saw—

“Oh, hey, Ara.” He scratched the back of his neck nervously. “Is Jaehyun here?”

Ara beamed up at him and nodded her head. “Come in. You look like you’re out of breath. Do you want a glass of water, or something?”

“I’m good. Thanks.” He mumbled, too shy and nervous to utter anything other than those three words. Ara bit her lip to stop herself from smiling. God, why is he so nervous around her?

“Yuta!” Jaehyun said in a sing-song voice, greeting him with a fist-bump.

“Hey—oh?”

Yuta clamped his mouth shut when he looked into Jaehyun’s eyes. Jaehyun’s eyes sure do look pretty, he could see stars shining back at him. But that’s not what he saw.

He saw an unfamiliar woman. He’s never seen her before.

In Jaehyun’s eyes, he saw a woman holding what seemed like a microphone. She had headphones on and her face was illuminated by what he assumed was a laptop screen. She was singing a song he couldn’t hear. Yuta blinked, soaking in every little detail about the woman he saw in Jaehyun’s eyes. But it was not long until his face paled when he realized something terrible.

The woman he saw in Jaehyun’s eyes was not Ara.

Valentine’s Day. It’s the day he dreads the most out of the entire year. It’s the day where he receives his love assignment for the year. He has one year to make his assignment fall in love with their soulmate. But how is he going to do that when his love assignment is Jaehyun? 

Cupids are cursed to never fall in love. Although, Yuta does have sheer hope that he could definitely find love. How could he not, when he’s a hopeless fool in front of Ara? It’s this specific Valentine’s Day that he dreads the most out of all the Valentine’s Days he’s spent. Why? Because while he found out that Jaehyun’s soulmate isn’t Ara, that surely doesn’t mean that he has a chance with Ara. In fact, he’ll never have a chance with Ara. He could potentially be the man Ara will hate the most.

Because one way or another, he must tear Ara and Jaehyun apart.

author’s note. welp, i hope you enjoyed the first part! i should be able to post the second part after all of my midterms. look out for it! thank you for reading!

[eeunoia]

ENHYPEN Timestamps

[ 11:05 pm ]

genre: fluff

word count: 573

a/n: another short one ohdobcqpiwdpqw omg, fever mv is killing me ft sunghoon’s exposed forehead SDWEONRJRE omgggg anyway, have a nice day love. 🌸

sunghoon let out a low groan after plopping down over at his usual seat inside their van. they had just finished performing in inkigayo and now they are off to their dorms. he was really tired.

he rested his arm over the window and put his head over to his palm. he can hear the low whispers from the other members. they were talking about the recording. he wanted to butt in but he was just too tired so he just listens.

as he shut his eyes close, he felt his phone vibrated nonstop indicating that someone’s calling him so he quickly fished it from his pokcet.

a small smirk appeared over his face as his nickname for you flashed over to the screen of his phone. he didn’t waste another time and quickly answered it.

“Aaaaaack!” he furrowed his brows as he tried sitting up straight. he was greeted by your scream and now his smirk was erased, replaced with worried expression.

“baby, what happened? is something wrong?” he asked that even caught the attention of some of the members.

“Ah really, park sunghoon! you’ll be the death of me!” you exclaimed from the other line that made him more confuse.

“exposed forehead? really? you’re gonna attack me with that?” you groaned and relief slowly overcome sunghoon.

he thought something bad happened to you. a smirk once again spreads through his face as he now sat comfortably. when the members noticed that it seems like it’s nothing serious, they went back with chatting with each other.

“you scared me. i thought something bad happened to you.” he mumbled as his eyes went over at the window, watching the other cars at the road.

“well I almost had a heart attack because of you.” you answered. he bite his lower lip trying to suppress a smile to appear. you’re just the cutest bean for him.

“oh yeah? too bad you weren’t there huh?” he teased you, one of his eyebrow lifts up as he licks his lip out of habit. his fingers fiddled over to whatevers near him.

“i told you i was busy.” he scoffed because he can already imagine you pouting. your pinkish soft lips...

he gulped, missing you even more.

“are you still busy now? i miss you.” sunghoon was never that demanding over you. he was always understanding, but today’s just different. he knew you could be tired with school as well but he is so tired with his work too that he badly needed to see you.

“oh baby, i miss you even more.” his heart beats so fast just by hearing your soft voice from the other line.

he gulped, tilting his head over to the side. “can you come over tonight? if you’re tired, can we at least rest together?” he asked.

he didn’t know what you’ll say or if you’ll agree but he doesn’t care. he just wants to see you and hug you close to him.

“i’m already here at your dorm.” you mumbled and even chuckled softly.

sunghoon’s heart jumped in excitement as he wished they would arrive right away.

“you’re not kidding?” he asked, he would surely be upset if it was just a joke.

“no. come here faster, i’m dozing off.” you said and sunghoon can really hear how tired you are from your voice.

he smirked as he already saw their car pulling off the driveway. his smile grew wider as he saw your familiar car parked outside.

“y/n noona’s here?” jungwon asked softly as their manager went out to open the door for them.

he looked over him and nodded once.

“i’m already here, baby. see you in a bit.” and he just smiled as he heard you say i love you for him.

“i love you.”

main master-list

[tomhiddelstonandzaynmalik]

Love at first sight?

Chapter 5

Warren Worthington III x Reader

Word count: 1340 words

Warnings: Language, suicidal thoughts.

prologue chapter 1 chapter 2 chapter 3 chapter 4

"[...] I wish I was a heavenly angel

For I would always cling to my sword

But I am no heavenly angel

Hence I must fight the pain of my fault [...]".

-Heavenly Angel by an unknown author.

"Don't you have a life or something?". Warren teased Hank. It was 3:49 AM when the young man awoke from his slumber. "Not really, thanks to you". Hank's intentions had been good. To return the teasing only. But the purpose got lost when he saw Warren looking down in shame, shifting in bed as he seemed to try to make himself disappear.

It was a touchy subject for him, Hank had forgotten. He knew just how much he felt like a burden to everyone at Xavier's. It was clear Warren was not much of a talker himself. But when those sleepless nights came, where he would jump out of bed covered in sweat and breathing harshly after a particularly awful nightmare, that the idea of staying awake with his companion was more inviting than to go back to his made-up Hell.

Only then Hank had learned about the extravagant life, filled with luxurious items and exotic vacations Warren had grown in. Hank also found out about Warren's handsome but cold-hearted-control-freak father, about his loving but impotent mother, about what it was to have it all only for it to be having it taken away. The lonely days and lonelier nights that followed after, the age-inappropriate behaviours, one bad decision after another, and mostly, Hank realized just how worthless the "poor rich kid" deep down felt.

"It makes no sense". Warren said softly, looking down at the cup of freshly-made tea he was holding in his hands. "What?". The older man asked him while pouring some of it on his mug. "Me! Me being here makes no sense!", "I'm nothing but an inconvenience". Warren let out with sight. Although he was referring to him being at the mansion, the hidden meaning of it sent a shiver through Hank's spine. "Hey, stop saying that! You are NOT an inconvenience, Warren. You should be here!". Said Hank as he got closer to the boy, placing a reassuring hand onto his shoulder. There was some absolute concern in Hank's voice as he saw a glimpse of a tear peeking through Warren's eyes. "Oh! bullshit!". "You more than any other person should be pissed off with me!". "You're working extra hours on a lost cause!". Hank's heart hunched. It was true Hank had been depriving himself a lot so Warren could have the best treatment. Yes, he attempted to kill him and his friends before. But the more time he had spent with the kid, the more he had realized: Warren had been a pawn, manipulated only by the true villain, Apocalypse.

"Hey! Look at me, Warren." He said firmly. "Yes, you are right. I should be taking better care of myself. But I'm only doing so because I'm not willing to slow down until you're heald". He said, with such convincement, it made Warren believe there could be someone being finally genuinely kind to him.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

"I- I was only, umm, you know it was just a joke, right?". Hank nervously stated. "Sure, man". Even though Warren seemed to pay no mind towards Hank's comment, his voice had failed him, having it come out on a lower pitch rather than his usual vigorous one.

in an attempt of changing the topic, Hank pointed at your still sleeping figure. "So... An old friend of yours?".

It was somehow painful for Warren to see you there, resting at the infirmary room connected to all those noisy machines. In the end, your near-death encounter, in theory, had been Warren's fault. Hank's question had rumbled within the blond's mind. You weren't friends. He didn't even know your name. And honestly, he was more preoccupied with the atrocious first impression he believed he'd made in front of you. "You are the biggest idiot on earth if you think she'll ever want to even see you after what you've put her through". Warren's inside voice scolded him.

"No". The young mutant finally answered. "oh! I see". Hank teased again. Even though what Hank was implying: The real reason You were there was because of Warren's attraction to You, was nothing but the truth. Warren couldn't stop the blush from tinting his pale cheeks." It's not what you think, okay!". "Well, your face says otherwise, Romeo". The older man was grinning at him in amusement. "Shut up!". Warren's effort of sounding threatening failed due to his face heating up impossibly harder. His natural porcelain-white face was now a deep shade of red, making his facial tattoos stand out even more. Hank was having the time of his life. While Warren was acting like a teenage boy, he couldn't stop the laughs from coming out. "You done?". Warren said from behind one of the wings he'd been using as a cover. "Hey, take it as payback from running away".

"[...] I wish I was a heavenly angel

For my heart shall always be in joy

But I am no heavenly angel

Hence I must behave just like a boy".

The atmosphere remained comfortable. After an hour or so, Warren fell asleep again, not after convincing Hank to do the same. Who after, some reluctance, finally gave in and left to his room.

"Wakie, wakie, sleeping beauty". A hoarse grunt came from Warren's sleeping form as Ororo was poking his cheeks to get his friend out of Morpheus' grip faster. "Come on, Dollface. You have to get out of bed! It's almost 9 PM!". "What the hell?" Warren shifted in bed, reading the big clock on the wall. "You little shit, it's only 9... AM!".

Ororo's giggles were resounding through the room. "Oops". "Well, now that your up, we might as well get breakfast. Don't you think?". He was going to argue about how unholy early his friend had decided to show up when his stomach gave him in. It had been more than 18 hours since the last time he'd eaten, which was why he decided to let it slip. "Fine! But you'll have to give me your bacon to make up for waking up a man who almost died in a fire at 9 AM".

"Yeez, you sure are a Drama Queen, Warren". Ororo was walking toward your bed, peeping at the monitors. "Hank said she was the one who got it bad". "Your problem was only exhaustion, which reminds me of: Hank told me, to tell you that you're free to go".

Warren zoned out the moment Ororo mention you. Under the morning's light, it was easier for him to examine You. Your H/C locks were stiff from all the dirt and ash from the fire; Your face, which had been whipped clean when you arrived, allowed him to scrutinize every inch of it. Nothing was going unnoticed. Even the tiniest of your scars located under your left brow had been seen. He was so lost on himself taking your features in he'd forgotten he was in the middle of a conversation. "Earth calling Fallen Angel, do you copy, Fallen Angel?". Ororo raised her voice. "Uh? Yes, what?". "Dear Lord, you didn't hear a thing, did you?". Ororo was irritated but decided against scolding Warren. Him showing interest in people was an odd sight. "I said if you wanted me to get you your breakfast so you could spend more time with her before your appointment with The Professor?". He only wished his friend wasn't able to see his excitement from such an offering. "That would be ni-, wait which appointment?". "What? Your pigeon brain didn't register that either? The Professor said he had something to tell you. Be at his office at 11 sharp". After that, the girl stormed off the room while yelling something along the lines of "not being people's secretary".

It had been only then, as he stood in the middle of the room when Warren heard a muffled voice behind him.

"I'm I dead?" You said.

[keefwho]

July 10 - 2023 Monday

11:14 PM

I’ve been slacking writing about my day. The whole point, as much as it might feel wrong sometimes, is to treat myself like my day mattered enough to write down. I did stuff that affects myself and others and I deserve to broadcast it, even if to no one. 

This morning I was still recovering from last night’s horrible tummy issues. Breakfast kinda sucked, I made soup but didn’t really like it. I was SUPER tired from getting poor sleep but did half of this guy’s commission stream anyways. I’d say it went well. Before my shower I shaved because I was getting tired of my pubes tbh. Not that they were that bad but I’m starting to hate even a little hair. I skipped my workout on account of being too tired and had a good nut in the shower. Lunch was some decent Rice a Roni and during my afternoon work, I idled in VRchat for a little bit. In one Black Cat instance, I got kicked within 30 seconds for being a furry. I was finding VR to be distracting because I wasn’t really satisfied with the worlds I was finding so I kept hopping. Eventually I settled in my own world in a group instance under the Furry group but no one joined. I swear that world is cursed to never get traffic. Maybe if I updated the thumbnail, something about it could be putting people off for some reason. While working on my world for an hour, I got very focused which was nice. I had fun and made an animated sink. In the afternoon I joined a friend’s server for just a little bit and had a nice short chat before leaving. I wanted to hang out with someone else but they seemed busy and I really think I need to work on being myself more anyways. I’ve had trouble being on my own today because it’s hard to stop thinking about that one thing you want to do. I played some Zelda and watched MoonMoon stream. Earlier I got into a futa mood because Daisy had a dream about it which was very hot. She also cucked me with AI Sidon a little which got me totally cuck brained. I was super into it for a bit, I don’t know what it is that I like so much. Maybe it’s just a special kind of humiliating, and I like my humiliation. I also had a drink tonight since I didn’t have one last night, made the night a little more fun. After Daisy called and went to sleep, I found an excellent IRL cuck video that I utilized. 

I’m thinking maybe I could try journaling throughout the day if I remember to. Sometimes I want to rant about something in the moment but not at the end of the day when I just wanna go to bed. I also want to evaluate how I might have done today differently or what could have made it better. Asking Daisy for time this evening would have been nice, even if she said no. I have a habit of worrying I’m being too much so sometimes I try to reign myself in even though that means I might be missing chances to fulfill my social wants because they might want to hang out just as much as I do. I don’t actually know until I ask. I also wish I had focused more in general but I always wish I could do that. It sure would help me to stop thinking about certain things sometimes and would benefit self exploration since I’d be able to take in new information better. If I had remembered before I started shaving, I could have attempted to workout despite how tired I was. Now I have to make up for it tomorrow. 

[magpie-scribbles]

Ahhh I’m bit late but here is my part of the BNHarem ~*Collab*~

Title: Call Me

Pairing: F!reader X Maijima Higari (Power Loader)

Rating: E

Word Count: 5.8k

Warnings: Smut, sex work, older man younger woman 

Higari sighs, his metal tipped fingers tapping on his work table 11pm, 11 pm and he still had so much to do. Normally he relished having work to do, rather being a busy bee than not, but lately the stress had been catching up to him. The academic year was in full swing, and with more villain activity than usual he was beginning to wear...A lot of his projects (pet projects) were starting to fall behind because frankly he was too stressed and found himself getting upset with himself when he made mistakes or miscalculations, which seemed to be happening a lot in his overall raised tension.

Realizing he wasn't going to make any progress aside from going in circles. He slumps, plunking down onto the stool next him, thumping his head against the metal of the workbench and just...sitting there allowing himself to cool off...or perhaps it was wallow…

Bzzzzz bzzzzzzz he feels it as much as he hears it as an incoming text reverberates through his skull. He tilts his head, just enough to glare at his cellphone on the far end of the workbench; he could ignore it, he could...but he doesn't. With a groan he sits up leaning over to swipe the phone up to see the notification.

Oh...Nemuri.

"Heeeyyyyy, how you doing???" She follows up with a few heart emoji.

To someone on the outside looking in it might seem like she’s flirting, or that they had something going on. But he and Nemuri had been good friends for so long that he doubts he could ever see her as anything but.

"Fine" He types out simply, not in the mood for banter, he hopes she's not putting together a last minute bar hop.

"Ooooo"

"That rough huh?" 

"Stressed?"

The texts come in rapid succession. He sighs.

"I'm fine" He repeats; though it's nice to have someone that worries about you from time to time.

It takes her a moment to respond, he can see the little typing indicator, bounce along the bottom off his screen and then stop and then start again.

"Did you call her yet?? 👀👀👀" Her response finally comes and he groans.

He had a feeling she was going to bring this up sooner or later.

"No I haven't called her yet" He replies, grumbling to himself as he hits send harder than he needs to.

"You should, she could really help you relax 😌" He can practically hear he voice through the illuminated text on his screen, goading him.

He can feel his face heat up, he wasn't a prude...this was just...he wasn't a prude!

"Kayama" now beginning to wish he never picked up the phone.

"It's not just about sex Maijima, where's your head??😏😏😏" now she was just being cruel, he shakes his phone in his gripe blowing out a puff of air, wishing he could berate her.

"In all seriousness tho, she can help you out, it's her job, she's really nice!" She adds.

He sighs, deflating a bit, mulling over the idea for a while...he thinks he still has the card Nemuri gave him. 

Reaching into the front pocket of his jeans he pulls out a crinkled card, oh, yeah he had definitely washed these pants a few times. Luckily the card had been printed on heavy sleek looking cardstock. And even with the edges slightly worn and the the paper somewhat crinkled, no expenses were obviously spared as the elegant type face remained readable even after a few trips through the wash...which was good for him because if it hadn't then he'd have to ask Nemuri for the details and that's something he would not want to live through. 

He sighs, looking from the card to his phone, weighing his options...he was very stressed and Nemuri said it didn't have to be about sex...not that he didn't like that! ...Damnit…

Suckling on his teeth he slowly punches in the number printed in embossed gold.

___________

You settle down into the pillows and blankets of your freshly laundered bed, wondering if you even want to try and read the next chapter in your book that sat on your nightstand. The sheets were still warm from the dryer and damn, it was tempting to just nestle in and go straight to bed.

BBBZZZZ BBBZZZ

Your brow furrows, the sudden sound brings you out of your very important and very difficult decision. For a moment the sound eludes you as you listen for it again.

BBBZZZZ BBBZZZ

Oh fuck that was your phone, your head whips to the nightstand again; the illuminated screen blocked by the book you had just been considering as the device vibrates beneath it.

You grumble, you know it could be a client but most of them had the decency to not call this late…well most of them did. 

Grabbing your phone you gaze down to the screen, cocking your head when you see a string of numbers you've never seen before, hmmm.

Reclining back into the comfort of your pillow pile you answer.

"Hello this is L/N F/N speaking." You say, all business; not one to ever come off as unprofessional even if it was a spam call.

There was a long pause; you almost repeat yourself when you hear someone clear their throat.

"Miss L/N, this is Maijima Higari....uhhh, Kayama Nemuri said I should contact you." His voice is soft baritone with a bit of gravel to it, he seems very uncertain, but you know who he is right away.

To be honest you had been quite curious about him since Nemuri had told you about her fellow hero and coworker.

You worked a lot with heroes, some high profile ones too, but you've never had a client that was also a support specialist, or as Nemuri had put it, a keen inventor. You were intrigued.

"Ah Mr. Maijima, Kayama mentioned you-" you begin.

"She did?" He interrupts and you can hear him shifting away from the phone "motherfucker"  you hear the breathy hiss, and you have to keep yourself under control because you did not want your first conversation with the man you had been interested in hearing from, to be you laughing at him.

He must have realized you can hear him because there's more scrambling on the other end of the line.

"Sorry 'bout that...Nemuri...likes to talk." He sighs.

You chuckle warmly; she had mentioned he was somewhat proud and what she called "aggressively" shy.

"She definitely can be quite the gossip." You reply and you hear him groan. "Though I assure you, it's all good things Mr. Maijima."

"Somehow that doesn't put me at ease at all…" he huffs, and you can't help but let out a small laugh.

There is a pause again, and you decide to gently encourage him.

"So what can I do for you Mr. Maijima?" You ask gently.

There's shifting on the other end of the line again and then a small cough.

"I've...I've been stressed lately, like...more than usual and Kayama said that you might be able to help with that." You can tell he's a bit uncertain on how to ask for your services.

"Of course, I'd be more than happy to help, just tell me what you need and I'll set up an appointment. " You recline further into your pillows.

"Uh well...fuck I've never done this before…" he sighs.

"That's perfectly alright." You reply, waiting for him to continue.

"...I-I don't know?" He says finally and you smile, you like when they're honest; not trying to show-off.

"Of course, we can figure everything out along the way." You hum and you hear him sigh in relief.

"Alright, yeah." 

"How about I put you in for this Friday at 8pm, I'll make sure that we have the whole night free to get you settled." You make a mental note to put that in your planner (not that you could forget, you were surprisingly eager to meet him.)

"Today's Wednesday." He says in reply.

"Yes?"

"So you mean in two days? The Friday in two days?" You suppress a chuckle; definitely needed to relieve some stress.

"If that's an issue I'd be happy to-"

"NO!...No it's fine, just surprised is all." His voice trails off and he clears his throat. "Sooooo so how do I do this?"

You pause for a moment considering. There are a few luxury hotels and venues you've preferred to use in the past...but...you decide to throw caution to the wind.

"Let me give you my address." You reply, a very rare option you give to only your most trusted clients; but he was good friends with Nemuri and you trusted her judgement whole heartedly.

"Oh!...are you sure you're okay with that? I understand if you don't want to do that, safety and all, I don't want you to feel uncomfortable" You smile, he was already quite the charmer even if he didn't know it yet.

"No need to worry, I wouldn't give it to you if I didn't want to." 

"Okay, if you're okay with it." He replies warily and you smile to yourself.

"I'll send you a follow up text with my address and a reminder of the time; is this an okay number to send that to?"

"Oh yeah, sure."

"Perfect, well Mr. Maijima, I'll let you go and I'll send you my info."

"Yeah, sure...uh thanks for this Miss L/N." He replies.

"It's my pleasure." You reply.

He gives you a quick goodbye and then the line goes quiet; chuckling to yourself you scoot down further into your blankets and quickly add Maijima Higari to your schedule. Before opening Maijima's number and adding it to your contact list.

Nemuri definitely seems to have good taste in friends (well you're one of them.) He has certainly caught your attention...in a good way.

_______

Higari groans, while body deflating as his muscles relax somewhat...that was one of the most nerve-racking calls he'd ever made.

God he probably sounded like an idiot. 

Huffing, he looks back at his phone and opens up his chat with Nemuri.

"I called her" he writes before getting up from his workbench with a groan, back popping as he stretches.

His phone buzzes a moment later.

“Maijime it’s like 11:30 at night!” Nemuri’s text reads; he pales and looks at the time on his phone. 

Fuck....now he felt like an ass. He goes to respond, not even sure if he should defend himself or brush it off when another text comes in from a new number. Cocking his head he swipes it open.

“Hello Mr. Maijime, it was a pleasure speaking with you tonight, I have you all booked for Friday at 8pm and I look forward to spending time with you.” he swallows thickly, reading over the message a few more times, taking note of the little hearts on the end.

“This is her job, this is her job, she’s just being nice…”  he mentally berates himself.

Reading over the message one more time he responds.

“Thank you Miss L/N.” he pauses and then adds “Sorry ‘bout calling you so late, lost track of the time.” he hits send before he can chicken out, and shoves his phone in his front pocket; out of sight out of mind 

It’s only a few seconds before he hears the buzz of his phone again and he scrabbles to get it, not even sure why he put it away in the first place.

“Nothing to worry about sweetie, I’ll see you Friday.”

Higari decides he needs a very cold shower and then promptly after needs to put himself to bed...he’d deal with Nemuri tomorrow.

_______

You decide against the silk robe after some debate, donning luxurious Egyptian cotton instead. You'd rather not scare him off or look too presumptuous, after all he might be satisfied with your other talents, though Nemuri had said he could do with a good Fuck. You had of course laughed at her crassness, but you couldn't help but feel a spark of warmth in your belly, it surprised you, it had been awhile since you had, let alone for a potential client. 

You needed to be professional.

Giving yourself a once over in the mirror you found your attire agreeable. Your robe was a little longer than the ones you usually wore for your clients, coming to brush against your knees. But it was your favorite, plush and warm and while a bit promiscuous it was also classic. 

Your hair and makeup was in place and you gazed down to your phone

7:45pm

You hadn't received and cancelation call or text so at this point all you could do was wait.

Padding through your apartment on your way to the lounge you make a few quick mental notes.

Did you have both red and white wine as well as a few stiffer drinks just in case ready? Check.

Bottled water on ice as well and had you tea kettle ready with an assortment of teas just in case? Check and check

A few hors d'oeuvres, nothing too over the top? Check.

You come to settle on your favorite chaise as you finish your little check off; yes you believe you had everything ready…

Your intercom pings, and you quickly get to your feet and shuffle over, pressing the talk button.

"Yes?"

"Miss L/N, there is a Mr. Maijima here to see you." The doorman's voice responds.

"Yes of course please have him come up." 

"Of course ma'am."

To be honest no matter how long you had done this you could never quite figure out what to do with yourself while you wanted for a client to come up to meet you. Nothing ever seemed natural or smooth... it irked you. You wondered what other consorts did, maybe you should ask a few of your colleagues next time you go out for drinks-

There's a firm knock on your door, jarring you out of your thoughts. 

Giving yourself a quick once over you, smooth down your robe and slap on a warm smile before opening the door.

"Mr. Maijima, I'm so glad you came." You move out of the way, opening the door further to allow him in.

"Uh thanks, yeah me too." He lets out a nervous laugh as he shuffles inside. 

He was quite charming. Nemuri had shown you pictures but pictures can never do enough justice to some people. 

He was dressed in a bomber jacket, dark pull over and well worn jeans and boots. He looked comfortable, the perfect amount of dressed down; he looked like himself, not trying to put on airs like some of your clients. 

"Let me take your jacket while you get your shoes." You say warmly and he gingerly shrugs out of the fabric.

"Thanks." He replies as he leans down to untie his boots.

"Nice place you have here." He replies as he looks around from his lowered position. 

"Oh thank you!" You tuck a strand of your hair behind your ear as you look around your place fondly. "The main foyer is a bit much though." You add with a chuckle thinking to the decadence of the building's main entrance.

"Was pretty swanky." He replies nearly finished with his second boot.

"I assure you I'm much more down to earth." You reply and he perks up at that, you eye him curiously.

"Hehe, earth." He laughs and it takes you a moment to remember he's the Excavation hero and you let out a laugh, surprised by his humor.

"I wouldn’t have guessed you'd also be a man with a good taste in jokes." You reply and extend you hand out to him as he tucks his boots away. You have always been a fan of so-called bad jokes.

He seems to like that and puffs up with a smile, slipping his large hand into yours. Oh it was warm and rough; Nemuri did say he was good with his hands. 

"How about we settle in." You say nodding your head towards the lounge.

He nods and swallows thickly, still visibly unsure, but obviously not willing to back down.

You smile at him and gently lead him out of the entryway. 

As you lead him further into your apartment you had taken note that while he was untying his boots he could have very easily looked up your robe, but instead all of his attention was on you, his sharp grey eyes peeking out from a thick fringe of fiery hair. He was watching and listening to you not ogling you, it made your heart warm.

Yes, you had decided that he was certainly a catch.

You lead him into the lounge motioning for him to sit anywhere and he takes his place in one of the plush armchairs across from you chaise. You wish he would have opted for a closer seat but you want him to be comfortable first and foremost.

"Can I get you anything? Wine? Something stronger? Water, tea?" You ask.

"Uh water's fine right now, thanks." He replies and you crack open one of the water bottles and pour it into a crystal tumbler.

You hand it to him and leave the water bottle close to him on the coffee table.

"Thank you L/N." He replies and takes a sip.

"Please call me F/N." You say as you settle on your chaise, he pauses for a moment, mouth full before swallowing

"F/N…" he parrots, voice surprisingly gravelly despite the water he just drank.

You smile and nod your head.

He fiddles with the empty glass in his hands before looking up at you with genuineness; your heart flutters and you’re once again surprised by your feelings.

"Call me Higari."

_______

Higari slowly begins to relax as you talk, his posture loosening and his voice becoming less tense and formal. When he finally laughs fully at one of your jokes, you feel warmth wash over you in a pleasant wave of contentment. 

Despite his obvious relaxation you can’t help but notice he shifts every so often, adjusting his back or subtly rolling his neck. Small ques that make you realize that he wasn't only mentally stressed but physically as well. 

"Higari." You catch his attention as he excitedly tells you about a project he's working on. "Sorry to interrupt but is your back bothering you?" You ask softy and he blinks at you in surprise.

"Oh sorry, that noticeable?" He chuckles. "'S probably from hunching over a workbench all day." He's trying to wave it off, not make you worry.

"Would you mind if I used my quirk on you?" You ask gently, not wanting him to feel pressured. 

"Uuhhh, you haven't already?" He looks a bit confused and you can't help but let out a hearty laugh.

"Of course not, I would never use my quirk without your permission." You smile and you watch as his cheeks turn ruddy with blush. "Might I ask what you thought my quirk was doing all this time?"

He leans back a bit huffing softly to himself, trying to control his embarrassment. 

"Make me relax I guess?" He mutters under his breath and you smile fondly, happy that he truly was relaxed around you.

"You’re sweet, while my quirk does help people relax, I wasn't using it on you." You reply sitting up and gently patting the space next to you on the chaise. " could I show you, I'll stop if you don't feel comfortable."

He observes you for a moment, mulling over the idea or trying to pump himself up you're not exactly sure; but then he slowly gets to his feet and walks over to you.

"Never done this before…" he says softly as he looks down at you, trying hard to be open and honest.

It's one of the sweetest things you've ever had happen with a client and you gently take his hands and pull him down to sit next to you.

"That's perfectly alright, whatever you are comfortable with, whatever you want Higari." You say gently and give his hands a reassuring squeeze.

He looks down, his hands are so large in yours; turning them over in his he brushes the metal tips of his thumbs against your palms reverently, and you swoon a little bit. 

"Show me you quirk." 

You feel pride well in your chest.

"I would love to." You smile before adjusting a bit. "Lay down on your stomach, there should be enough room for you to lay down fully." 

He complies, seemingly throwing caution to the wind, but you can see the tremble in his arms as he lowers himself to the plush cushion of the chaise.

"I'm going to sit on your thighs is that alright?" You question.

It takes him a moment to respond and when he does it's a breathy "yes" and you're glad he's facing away from you so he doesn't catch the shiver that runs up your spine at the tone of his voice.

Slowly you crawl up his body, careful to let him feel every move, to let him know your position until you are sitting comfortably on his muscled thighs, your legs tucked on either side of him. He lets out a shaky sigh as you reach out and run your hands from his shoulder blades down to the small of his back.

"My quirk works best with skin to skin contact, you are certainly welcome to leave your shirt on or remove it." You begin your typical overview of your quirk when he moves beneath you suddenly, almost setting you off balance as he reaches behind his head. Fisting the fabric at his back and rucking it up over his head, fluffing up his hair as he does before letting the article of clothing crumple to the floor.

You're too surprised to move from his sudden boldness as he settles back down, neatly crossing his arms beneath his chin. 

After a few moments you manage to pull yourself together and you slowly, gently lay your hands back on his now bare shoulder blades and oh! Beneath your palms he is trembling; now you desperately wanted to sooth his frayed nerves.

"My quirk allows me to admit frequency through my skin, that I can channel into vibrations." You tell him gently as you smooth down his back again, slowly activating your quirk.

He tenses for a moment and then begins to relax into your touch.

"It can help muscle relaxation and promote blood flow." You continue as you knead a knot along his lat. 

"It ah- sounds like your quirk is definitely a benefit." His voice is breathy, almost sighing as he falls further into your touch.

"I like to think so too." You say fondly, you were really starting to enjoy his company and his kindness. "You were talking about one of your inventions earlier when I interrupted, I would very much like to hear more about it." And it was the honest to God truth.

He hums in contentment and from his position on his folded arms you can see a genuine smile grace his lips.

He quickly eases back into his explanation and his ideas as you allow you quirk to sink into his skin while you massage his tense muscles. Honestly you could listen to him talk for hours, even if you didn't quite understand some of it; it was fascinating and his passion and enthusiasm was a pleasant warmth that enveloped you.

Slowly his muscles begin to ease up under your ministrations and his voice begins to get more husky and more lax. You’re not exactly sure when he stopped talking but you suddenly notice the silence and the absence of his pleasant voice.

"F/N?" You blink, gazing up from you hands, to find Higari staring lazily up at you through the fringe of his hair. His stare is hypnotizing

"Yes?" Your voice is breathier than you would have liked.

For a moment he doesn't say anything and then he shifts, starting to roll on his side and you gingerly move to sit beside him, you barely have anytime to take in his sudden change when his large hand comes up, fingers brushing against your jaw tentatively.

"Can I kiss you?" He asks softly and you definitely swoon, you hand coming up to press his touch closer.

"I would like that very much." You hum, your blood singing at the thought of his lips on yours.

Slowly he rises up and you can feel him moving against you and as he does you feel his lower half brush against your hip and the strangest combination of pride and desire fills your chest as you feel the hardness straining against his jeans.

Everything seems to still for a brief moment and then his nose brushes against yours and you suck in a shaking breath as his lips press against yours.

It's like firecrackers, zipping along you skin, you feel your toes curl and you lean into him. He groans against you and slings his arm around your shoulders pressing you to him, your chest flush with his bare one. 

You sigh against him and he takes a moment to adjust, tilting his head, teeth clacking against yours as he slots himself against you.

You feel as though you are made of feathers, your whole body alight as you kiss him back feverishly. It's been awhile since you felt this and you can't get enough.

Letting out a small whine you smooth your hands down his ribs bringing them around to rest on his lower stomach; you feel the muscles jump against your fingertips and then he trembles against you letting out a wonderfully gravelly moan that reverberates in his chest. 

Then he's slowly pulling you back with him, laying back down against the chaise, tugging you on top of him. He pauses moving away to catch his breath, a hand coming up to smooth over your hair. Your breath hitches as you take him in; he's beautiful… his cheeks stained with blush, his grey eyes gazing up at you half lidded and hazy, pupils blown so wide the irises are halos of near silver.

"Can we…? Is this okay?" He asks hesitantly and you have to stop yourself from squealing in delight.

"It's more than okay Higari, I would love to." And you mean every word of it. 

He groans, lips parting to wet them before he cups your face in his hands and pulls you back down into a fiery kiss.

It's almost feral the way you move against each other, palming and smoothing down every inch of skin that you can. He slowly pushes your robe from your shoulders, the belt the only thing keeping it from coming free completely, and he lets out a strangled sound when he realizes you're wearing nothing underneath.

You quickly grab one of his hands and press his large palm to your breast and he quakes beneath you as he begins to knead the soft flesh. You instantly melt into him, moaning and moving against him in your excitement, his metal tipped thumb coming to press against your pebbled nipple. 

He's wonderful beneath you, shedding his shyness as his lips move from yours, coming to place open mouthed kisses against your jaw and neck. 

Your hands continue to roam across the wonderfully compact muscles of his torso, fingers pausing to flick at his nipples before moving to dig into his sides before sliding down to rest on his belt buckle.

You pull away and he lets out a whine as you sit up, gazing down at him, watching as his chest heaves. You wet your lips, thumbing his buckle to get his attention and his gaze darts down to where your hands rest, just above the straining tent in his jeans. Slowly his gaze drags up your body and then…

"Please…" It's breathy and needy, and you can help but let out a small moan as you nod and get to work.

You quickly divest him of both his pants, boxers and socks, leaving him wonderfully naked and needy beneath you, and oh is he a sight to see. 

Taut muscles tensing against soft skin, a smattering of coppery hair on his chest that tapers down his belly to a thatch of curly short hairs framing his perfectly sized cock that now lays dribbling against his stomach.

"Oh Higari, you’re beautiful." You purr, running your hands down his chest.

"Got nothing on you…" he grunts arching into your touch, practically begging you to go lower.

"Such a charmer." You reply with your finger sliding teasingly over his weeping head.

He arches, pale column of his throat on display for you as he lets out a moan.

"Y-you're perfect." He husks and you feel your chest swell with pride.

You pull back for a moment, much to his displeasure, but that quickly changes as he realizes you're removing your robe.

You quickly take the condom out of your pocket before discarding the clothing to the floor in a heap. Laying the rubber next to your calf for easy access. 

Straightening up you perch on his upper thighs and then slowly move your hips.

"Can you feel me Higari?" You hush knowing full well you’re dripping all over him. "Can you feel how wet I am?"

He lets out a needy moan and his hands come to clamp down on your hips as he rolls his hip, cock thrusting up into the cool air of your apartment. 

"Please, please, F/N...please." His words are soft and airy and you absolutely live for them as you roll your hips again, hand smoothing down his aching length.

"Anything you want love." You hush him and grab the condom, he's already so far gone he doesn't even perk up at the sound of the foil tearing.

You need him to pay attention. Tapping his hip bone he slowly comes to focus on you.

"Watch me Higari." You say and you slowly roll the condom onto his straining length.

You want to absolutely pamper him as he makes small little hiccups as you smooth the rubber down him before gently grabbing his base, moving up onto your knees hovering just over him.

"Watch me Higari…" you repeat and he's enraptured as you slowly sink down onto him, bottoming out on him completely in one go.

"Ha-ah!" He arches hands pushing you impossibly closer as he thrusts up into you though there is no more room left to fill.

Oh he's perfect, filling you to the brim, stretching you deliciously as he becomes an unabashed mess beneath you.

You try to move, but his grip is bruising, abdominal muscles tensing as he tries to keep himself in control.

"Higari." You sooth and he looks up at you, lips parted and eyes holding so much adoration it nearly knocks you over.

He lets up his hold after a moment and you lean forward, placing your hands and his chest to steady yourself. You give him an affectionate stare before you rise up, keeping just the tip of him inside before swiftly curling your hips and spearing yourself on his length.

He practically howls and throws his head back, and oh you want to see more of this, want to see him come undone.

You begin a rhythmic deep pace, making sure to swallow him whole on each downward roll of your hips. Higari is already a mess beneath you, now completely out of his shell on full display. In the back of your mind you briefly think he could have been a porn star if he put his mind to it.

He pushes you out of your thoughts as he grips your hips once more and tries to aid you in your movement, you can't help bit smile.

"Relax Higari, this is about you, I'll take care of everything…" you breath and he swallows thickly.

"Wanna help." He slurs "ha! You're so good, soso good." 

"Next time." You're even a bit surprised by how sure there will be a next time and Higari seems to take note of that as well as you watch his gaze unfocus and refocus.

You continue your pace, though your thighs begin to ache, it's too delicious to even think about slowing down; the way your positioned has your clit rubbing against his pubic bone with each roll of your hips.

You can tell he's getting close, the way he trembles and the way he tries to jerk up ever so often out of sync with you. His gaze catches you and for a moment you feel like your drowning. It's then you feel the pad of his thumb press against your clit; you gasp and look down to watch his metal tipped finger swirl around your delicate bundle of nerves, cock disappearing lewdly inside of you with each roll of your hips.

"Gonna, cum, wan' you to cum with me." He husks, bringing your attention back to him and suddenly you're on the cusp, the precipice. 

"Oh, yes, yes...Higari." your head lolls as you allow him to help, his hips thrusting up to meet yours.

And then he's curling, body tensing as he lets out a breathless moan, mouth slack and eyes fluttering closed as he starts to cum. 

That's what pushes you over the edge, his debauched display. And as you tumble over the edge, stars bursting behind your eyes, and toes curling you briefly wished you could feel him pumping you full.

It takes you a moment to come down from your brief jaunt in paradise, sagging against him, panting. You feel his grip on your hip loosen and he brings his other hand to your thigh, thumb coming to sooth over your skin.

You sit in silence as he softens inside of you and you know you should get up and tidy up a bit, but you're basking in the afterglow and you can't find it in you to care that much.

Higari lets out a pleased sigh and he looks completely and utterly satiated and relaxed; it warms your heart.

The next words that come out of your mouth surprise you.

"Stay the night." You whisper almost shyly and it quickly catches his attention.

He cocks his head observing for a moment.

"Do most of your clients stay? I don't want to intrude."  

You honestly are afraid to answer because the answer is no, they don't, and you suddenly feel so raw and exposed it almost scares you.

He must pick up on your nervousness because he gently cups the side of your jaw, brushing some of your sweat damp hair away from your face.

"I'd love to." He says and you feel your heart soar as you nuzzle into his touch.

[sisterspooky1013]

Only One Choice, Part 2, Chapter 14

Read it here on AO3 / Tagging @today-in-fic

“It was so good to see you, Will,” Valerie says in a muffled voice against his chest as he has her wrapped up tightly in a bear hug.

“I know, I’m so glad I ran into you,” Mulder replies, brushing his hands over her back. He pulls away and kisses her softly on the cheek.

“It makes me really happy to see you so happy,” she says with a smile, her long brunette hair lifting softly in the breeze, brown eyes holding affection that can only be held between two people who have the type of bond that can withstand a breakup and then a transition from lovers to friends.

“Likewise,” he says, nodding towards the small swell of her growing belly.

“I’d love to meet your girlfriend someday, if you think she’d be okay with that,” she says, collecting her purse.

“Yes, I’d really like that. I think you two would get along really well, actually,” he says, and she smirks at him.

“You’re not afraid we’ll bond over having to sit through your shitty movie collection?” she teases, and he laughs good-naturedly.

“Hey, Scully likes my shitty movies, that’s why we’re a perfect match,” he retorts.

She squeezes his arm.

“Call me sometime, okay?”

He nods and watches her walk away, feeling like he’s on cloud nine. A great friendship with his ex-girlfriend, a promising new love with the woman of his dreams; he can only imagine what lies in store next. He practically skips on the walk back to his car, wondering if Scully might let him come by tonight, hoping that he won’t have to wait until the weekend to see her again. He decides to call her as soon as he gets home.

The first few times he gets her machine, he assumes she must be at her mother’s. When she still hasn’t answered or called back by 9:00 pm, he’s confused. When he emails her the next morning and still hasn’t gotten a response at 10:00am, he’s officially worried.

Something is wrong.

———

She had eventually turned off the ringer on her phone and put the volume all the way down on her answering machine so she wouldn’t have to hear his increasingly obsessive attempts to get ahold of her, then slept fitfully all night.

She knows that she needs to give him some kind of response or he’ll show up on her doorstep, but she can’t bring herself to face him, even in voice. Every time the image of him with that woman pops back into her head, she feels a lump form in her throat immediately, a sick sadness welling in her belly. She’s pored over every memory in her mind, every interaction they’ve had, searching for signs. Signs that he was seeing someone else, that he wasn’t interested in anything other than getting in her pants, that he was lying to her. Her thorough inventory brings up next to nothing, which almost makes it worse; how adept he must have been at creating a false reality for her to exist in. Perhaps he’s garnered some tips from the sociopaths he studies, or maybe his background in psychology allowed him to manipulate her.

When she arrives at work, she is unsurprised though still dismayed to see an email waiting for her.

From: fmulder@fbi.gov

Sent: May 5, 1997 7:57 am

To: dscully@fbi.gov

Subject: Where are you?

Scully, you’re freaking me out. Are you okay? Please respond.

She deletes it immediately and tries to focus on work. She performs an autopsy and teaches a class, both welcome distractions from her emotional torment. Just before 11:00 am, the phone rings.

“Autopsy bay, this is Trudy…yep, she’s here, one second.”

Trudy turns and opens her mouth to speak, but sees Dana waving her arms and shaking her head. She makes a confused face and puts the phone back to her ear.

“Oh, actually she just stepped out, sorry. Can I take a message?”

She watches as Trudy scribbles something on a piece of paper.

“Uh huh…yes. Okay, I’ll tell her…you have my word.”

She replaces the phone on the receiver and hands Dana the paper with a sympathetic frown.

“Trouble in paradise?” she asks rhetorically.

Dana looks down and deciphers Trudy’s messy scrawl.

Call Mulder immediately. Send a sign of life.

She crumples it up and tosses it into the trash can.

“You wanna talk about it?” Trudy asks.

“Nope,” Dana replies, turning back to the computer.

From: fmulder@fbi.gov

Sent: May 5th, 1997 11:03am

To: dscully@fbi.gov

Subject: PLEASE RESPOND

Scully, I don’t know what the hell is going on, but if you don’t reply to this within an hour I’m driving down there.

Please respond

She feels fresh tears well in her eyes. Why is he trying so hard if he’s seeing someone else anyway? Why is he doing this to her? With a surge of anger, she hits reply.

From: dscully@fbi.gov

Sent: May 5th, 1997 11:05am

To: fmulder@fbi.gov

Subject: RE:PLEASE RESPOND

I’m fine, Mulder. Please just give me some space.

With that she closes her email, begs someone to take her second class of the day, and goes home.

———

He feels like he’s stepped into an alternate universe. He’d left her happy and satisfied, and out of nowhere she’s shutting him out. What does she need space for? Space from him? Why? Did he come on too strong and freak her out? He thought they’d moved past that. He picks up the phone again.

“Autopsy bay, this is Trudy.”

“Trudy, it’s Agent Mulder again. Look, I don’t want to put you in an awkward position, but is Dana there?”

She pauses. “No, she went home for the day. She seemed pretty upset.”

“Do you have any idea why?” he implores.

“No, other than the fact that it seems to be directed at you.”

“Yeah, that much I gathered. Thanks, Trudy, sorry to bother you.”

“No worries, good luck.”

He slams the phone down, grabs his jacket off the back of his chair and leaves.

———

She is half expecting his knock, but it still makes her jump, nearly causing her to spill her wine. She wants to just ignore him until he goes away, but she knows his proclivity towards persistence won’t let him do that. Better to just get it over with, she thinks as she slumps towards the door.

The second she lays eyes on him in his slacks and dress shirt, the sleeves rolled up to his elbows and his tie discarded, she feels her chin pucker and tears threaten her eyes. As angry as she is, she immediately wants to go to him, to curl up within his embrace so he can comfort her. The problem is, what she needs comforting from is him.

“What is going on?” he says with a mix of frustration and fear.

She stands in the open doorway, not making space for him to enter.

“I saw you,” she says, her voice strained with emotion.

“You saw me...what?” he asks, his face a mask of confusion.

She lifts her chin, clenching her jaw and summoning strength.

“I saw you with her. Yesterday, at the Bluebird Cafe. After I had lunch with my family.” her voice holds steady, anger carrying her through.

His face falls and her gut twists. She wishes she didn’t have to watch this.

“THAT is what this is about?” he asks, but there’s no shame or regret in his voice. If anything, he sounds a little mad.

She nods curtly.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” he spits out, and she recoils a little at his vitriol. “Let me in, Scully. Right now,” he demands, and against her better judgement she moves aside.

He pushes past her into the apartment and she closes the door softly, leaving it unlocked in case either of them decides to make a hasty exit.

“Did you consider,” he begins, his back to her, “maybe, I don’t know, asking me about what you saw?” He turns to face her, one hand on his hip and his face contorted with anger. “Or were you just planning to avoid me until I gave up and went away again?”

She doesn’t know what to say. She’s confused about why he’s yelling at her when he’s the one who did something wrong. She just looks at him, expressionless.

He juts his chin out expectantly, waiting for an answer, but gets none. She averts her eyes.

“Is that all this is worth to you, Scully?” he continues, “you’re ready to throw this away over a simple misunderstanding, without even talking to me?”

She lifts her head and looks at him with a pained expression. “Okay then, talk,” she gets out.

He drops his head in frustration. “The woman you saw me with,” he says flatly, lifting his head to meet her eye, “was my ex-girlfriend, Valerie. I ran into her while I was running errands yesterday, and we had lunch. She has a boyfriend and is three months pregnant. We spent the majority of our meal together talking about you.”

She shakes her head gently, her throat closing as a tear rolls down her cheek. “I saw you kiss her,” she whispers, her jaw quivering.

“You saw me kiss her on the cheek? I also kiss my mother on the cheek, Scully, it’s hardly an intimate gesture.”

She feels a new wave of sickness pass over her, but this time it’s entirely different. This time it’s the sick feeling of realizing that she was very, very, wrong, and that she has, yet again, hurt the man who loves her. She opens her mouth to speak but she can’t find the right words.

He steps forward but doesn’t touch her. When he speaks, his voice is softer, more defeated than anything else.

“I’m sorry that you saw something that upset you. But if you actually thought for a single second that I want to be with anyone but you, you’re fucking insane. I meant what I said the day you left my apartment last year. I felt it then, and I feel it now. I want this to work more than anything, Scully, but for that to be possible you have to trust me. I can’t live with the knowledge that you might just shut me out at a moment’s notice when you get scared.”

She keeps her head down, overwhelmed by a combination of shame, embarrassment, and gratitude that he wouldn’t let her walk away. She does not deserve this man, but she wants to.

“I’m sorry,” she whispers, still unable to meet his eye.

“I know you are,” he replies, moving towards the door. “Take the space you need, and let me know when you’re ready to trust me.”

When she hears the click of the door closing behind him, she collapses to the floor, sobbing for so many reasons she couldn’t possibly name them all. When it’s faded to snivels and hiccups, she stands and goes to the hallway, picking up the phone.

“Hello?”

“Missy,” she chokes out, “Can you come over?”

———

He’s not sure if leaving was the right thing to do. The risk that she might not come back around is one that sends his stomach into knots, but at the same time he finds it hard to accept that she wasn’t even going to give him the opportunity to explain. He’s been actively working to temper expressing his feelings so he doesn’t overwhelm her, but then she gets it in her head that he’s not invested. It feels like he can’t win.

He goes back to work and stops by Kirkbride’s office to apologize for disappearing. Kirkbride just gives him a quizzical look, clearly not having noticed he had left. The rest of the day he buckles down on his caseload, distracting himself from the catastrophic thoughts that dance through his head, and gets more work done than he has in quite a while. When he leaves the office just after 5:00 pm, he feels melancholy and grouchy, and annoyed that he left the ball in her court.

The elevator dings to announce his arrival on the fourth floor and he steps out with a takeout bag in his hand, eyes downcast. Halfway down the hall, he readies his key and looks up, startling when he sees Scully sitting on the floor against his door, knees tucked up against her chest and her forehead resting on her kneecaps. She’s very still, and as he gets closer he realizes that she’s asleep. His heart aches knowing that she’s been waiting that long, that she didn’t want to leave without talking to him.

He crouches down beside her, setting his dinner on the floor, and gently touches her shoulder. She jerks, her head snapping up and her eyes wild for a moment while she tries to orient herself. When she focuses on him, she immediately starts crying, reaching out to wrap her arms around his neck. He’s surprised by her uncharacteristically emotional response, but says nothing and just holds her until his knees start to ache, at which point he sits down on the floor and pulls her into his lap. They stay this way for several minutes, long enough for one of his neighbors to walk by and politely avert their eyes, entering their apartment as though there was nothing out of the ordinary happening in the hallway. When the crying seems to have subsided a bit, he gives her a little squeeze.

“Wanna go inside?” he asks, and she nods against his chest, his shirt damp from her tears.

She stands unsteadily and he follows her, grabbing the takeout bag off the floor. They enter the apartment and Priscilla plods up to them with an excited meow. Scully leans down and picks her up, tucking the cat against her neck as they nuzzle each other. Mulder smiles at them with a bemused expression.

“She was talking to me through the door,” Scully says with a small smile, “she heard me knocking and was meowing from the other side. We had a conversation.”

Affection swells in his chest and he steps forward to kiss her. Her shoulders drop and she lets Priscilla down so she can get closer, threading her arms around his waist and kissing him back in earnest. Desperate, thought I’d lost you again kisses that are as arousing as they are a relief, because he knows that they will be okay.

He pulls back a little and she makes a whimpering sound in protest.

“I’m gonna go change really quick, okay? Then can we talk?” he asks, and she sighs and nods. “You can have half my Chinese,” he adds, and she gives him a tight-lipped smile.

When he sits on the couch beside her five minutes later, she scoots closer so they are pressed against each other, and he gathers that she needs physical closeness right now. He loops an arm around her shoulder and she crawls right back into his lap, curled against him as though trying to fuse her body to his own. Her head tucked beneath his chin, she holds one of his hands in her lap, fingers laced tightly together, and begins to speak.

“After you left, Missy came over and we talked for a long time. I’ve come to realize how much I’m still affected by...what happened last year. I harbor a lot of guilt for being unfaithful to Ethan, and that’s actually largely why I married him even though I knew my heart wasn’t in it.” She pulls in a deep breath, pressing their joined hands tight against her belly, trying to get even closer. “When you and I reconnected, in a way it felt like a chance to validate it. As though things working out with us would mean that what I did wasn’t as bad, because there was something real between us. But at the same time, a big part of me doesn’t believe that I deserve to be happy.” Her voice remains steady, but he feels the wet drop of a tear on the back of his hand.

He tightens his arm around her waist. “I’ve always been a person who values doing the right thing, and integrity was something that was very important to my father. It was his measure of a person’s character, and that’s something he instilled in me as well.” She sits up a bit so she can look at him, and his heart breaks at her red-rimmed eyes, her icy irises so mournful. “It’s not that I don’t trust you, Mulder. You haven’t given me any reason not to. It’s just that I don’t feel like I deserve this, especially with you, and I’m waiting for the moment it all comes crashing down. So when I saw you with that woman, it was almost like I’d been waiting for it, expecting it. Getting what I deserved.”

He brings his palms to her cheeks, brushing away the tears with his thumbs.

“Thank you for telling me that,” he says softly. “I wish I could change how you feel, but I know that I can’t. I do know how it feels to spend your life harboring guilt over something you could have done differently, and I can tell you that punishing yourself won’t make it any easier. It makes me really sad that you’ll always regret how we met.”

She closes her eyes and shakes her head gently. When she opens them, her expression is more tender than it is mournful.

“I don’t regret it, Mulder. I do feel guilt, and shame, for not ending it with Ethan so we could have done things the right way, but I could never regret meeting you.”

He pulls her back into an embrace, her arms wrapping around his ribcage, and plants a kiss to the top of her head.

“Are we okay?” he asks softly.

“I hope so,” she says hoarsely.

“Is this a bad time to tell you that Valerie wants to meet you sometime?” he asks, and she laughs.

“I don’t know, did you tell her that I freaked out on you because you had lunch with her?” she replies, and he can already hear her tone shifting back to their typical lighthearted banter.

“No, of course not. That’ll be our little secret. Well, plus Trudy. I think Trudy knows too much honestly.”

She laughs again, and god he could spend the rest of his life trying to make her laugh. In fact, that’s exactly what he hopes to do.

“Speaking of meeting people,” she continues, “Missy mentioned you to my mother yesterday and she wants to meet you.”

A grin stretches across his mouth, but he doesn’t say anything. She pulls back to look at his face, to gauge his reaction, and smiles softly in response.

“You want me to meet your mom?” he asks, the delight on his face carrying over to his voice.

Her mouth screws up shyly. “My little brother will probably be there too, and Missy. Is that too much?”

He shakes his head. “Sounds perfect. But, there are some friends I’d like you to meet too, if we’re meeting people.”

“The Lone Gunmen?” she asks with a skeptical lilt.

“Those are the ones. They’re my only friends, actually. Aside from Val.” Just then, Priscilla hops up onto the couch beside them. “Oh, and you Priscilla, sorry,” he adds.

Scully smiles at the cat, and then at him. “Can I bring Missy as a human buffer?” she asks hopefully.

“Of course. You may set a record for the highest number of female visitors to their lair in a day.”

“Lair?” she asks with wide eyes.

He chuckles. “They’ll grow on you, I promise.”