#i wish there was somebody i could just straight up ask about the production process

[br1ghtestlight]

im still not 100% sure when season 14 of bob's burgers is going to release like they SAY episode one will allegedly premiere on october 1st but beyond that im just imagining a 6 month hiatus bcuz both the writers AND the voice actors of the show are striking and they couldn't have got that far into production honestly

[komahinasecretexchange]

Title: The one where Komaeda is the producer for a terrible movie, Enoshima is the worst kind of celebrity, and Hinata is just a stuntman for Kamukura.

Author: @serahne-is-here

For: @ask-the-sakamaki

Rating/Warnings: Some swearing, but that’s it

Prompt: AU ! ( I picked a ‘Actors AU’ even if technically neither Komaeda nor Hinata are actors )

Author’s notes: I didn’t write in english in ages, so I really hope you enjoy it <3

“And… cut !” declared Director Kirigiri, holding firmly her bullhorn with two hands.

As soon as the magic word was spoken, relief flooded the studio, as everyone on set felt allowed to relax, if only for just a little while. It was a stressful - and yet, pretty normal - day in Hope’s Peak Studio : one scene down, two to go.

“Sonia, it was your best take, we keep it. Izuru, stunning as usual,” offered Kirigiri off-handedly, before standing up and starting to stretch, arms behind her back. “Let’s take a thirty minute break, and then we move on to the Waterfalls. Please tell the stuntmen they need to go get dressed, we miraculously managed to be on time for today, let’s try to keep it that way.”

Everyone in the studio mumbled in agreement, before they dispersed themselves around the room, in a chaotic, yet very organized fashion. From where he was standing, just a few feets behind the camera crew, Hinata was perfectly well-placed to admire how everyone in this creative hive was buzzing around, in a dance that they all knew by heart. It was, after all, their sixt day of filming Dreams of Future, and they knew their roles and lines as well as the actors did.

Koizumi, Kirigiri’s assistant, bounced toward Sonia and started praising her, at such speed that Hinata couldn’t understand half of it. Kamukura looked around, his eternal bored expression carved in his face at this point, before he disappeared inside his lodge. Slowly, as would a heavy animal migrating for winter, cameras and micros started to move to the Waterfalls set.

Hinata was about to go and get dressed - Kirigiri had been really adamant stuntmen shouldn’t be late, and he wasn’t about to make a bad impression to the studio owner’s daughter - when, from behind him, came a voice he only knew too well.

“What did you think of the show, Hinata ? Absolutely splendid, was it not ?”

Hinata turned around, frowning, and his eyes immediately found the voice’s owner : Nagito Komaeda, main producer for the movie, and all around one of the most unpleasant person he had ever met. Which wouldn’t be so bad if he wasn’t also one of the most attractive person he had ever met.

Both of these things sent mixed messages to Hinata’s brain, and it tended to just shortcut whenever Komaeda was nearby.

“I guess,” he replied, making sure that his eyes didn’t linger too long on the other - over his dead body would he be caught staring at Komaeda. “Sonia is really talented. Her role might be small, but she is nailing it.”

She really was. Sonia Nevermind was an european actress, looking to make herself a name in Japan. Beyond her eccentric personality, typical of foreigners, she was also incredibly sweet, humble, and hard-working, which was more than could be said for most actors than Hinata had worked with.

Komaeda huffed at Hinata’s reply, a sound that made him both incredibly adorable and punchable at the same time. As he said : mixed signals.

“Only Miss Nevermind ?” he noticed, amused. “I see that your jealousy over Kamukura’s incredible success is alive and well. How awful of you.”

“I’m not jealous of Kamukura,” said Hinata, gritting his teeth. “Why would I be ? He has the emotional range of a vacuum cleaner. A four-year old emote more in a minute than he does in a year.”

Komaeda hummed quietly. “That might be so. But we both know you couldn’t care less about anyone’s acting skill. Actually, if you truly think so low of his skills, his popularity must be even more insufferable to you, right ?”

“Will you shut up ?” Hinata mumbled back, 

Hinata shook his head. Kamukura’s success in the filming industry was the most bewildering thing for him. The guy didn’t act. He wasn’t even bad at it, he just didn't try. All he did was wearing the same bored, vaguely annoyed expression, movie after movie. And for some reasons, critics loved him, praised him for his ‘original take’ on his roles, and promised him a glorious career.

This was ridiculous.

“Don’t be so bitter, Hinata,” the white-haired man calmly smiled at him. “The truth is, even if Kamukura wasn’t as talented as he is, it wouldn’t make you more popular. These studios are full of nobodies thinking they can become somebody. This is admirable, but useless, for most of them. In a way, I think you should be proud of your achievement : at your own level, you are helping our stars to shine, in their creative processes. A wonderful stepping stone for the glorious people blessed with talent.”

Hinata narrowed his eyes. Back when he first met Komaeda, this kind of insult would have made his skin crawl, and he would have breathlessly argued with the other. But he had eventually realized that no amount of arguing would change his mind. And he had to be on set in twenty-two minutes.

“Great talk, but I have to go and get in costume. And them I guess I’ll throw myself from the top of the Waterfalls, if Enoshima acts her usual self.”

“That sounds lovely !” Komaeda clapped his hands, excitedly. “I wish I could come with you, but alas, I have to talk to Kirigiri before the next scene begins. Though I won’t leave without saying goodbye, of course.”

Hinata sighed, a smile working his way up to his lips, despite his annoyance.

“Sounds good.”

*

Stunts weren’t Hinata’s first choice of career, of course. He had always dreamed of being an actor, ever since he was a starry-eyed kid, whose nonsensical babbling wasn’t taken seriously by the adults around him. This dream had stuck with him, up until adulthood, when he had finally found out how impossible it was to get roles when one didn’t have any contact in the industry.

One year ago, when Hope’s Peak Studios had called him, telling them that he had the ‘perfect body type’ to play Izuru Kamukura’s double, the offer has been too tempting to refuse. It was finally his chance to meet people who could help him grow as a true actor.

That hasn’t been the case, so far. His work was spotless, and he was regularly called back by the Studios - who was even ready to discuss his fees from movie to movie - but always as a stuntman, and most of the time for Kamukura. It wasn’t the worst job in the world, he was being paid more than most people working in the Studios - he was putting his body on the line, after all - but… if anything, being so close to his dream, without being able to live it was his own personal hell.

Something was missing. And maybe Komaeda was right, and it was the popularity, and the spotlight, and the journalists begging you for interview, and the expensive gifts, and all this superficial stuff that society told him to adore and reject, all at once. But, Hinata knew, it was more than that. It wouldn’t have hurt that much if it was only that.

He did want to be an actor, and a part of him had always thought he would end up being one. As a child, he had wanted to be a samurai, a cowboy, a wizard, an adventurer, an astronaut, and has soon realized that only one job would allow him to be all that - and even more - at once.

Being an actor was to live a thousand lives. And maybe it was worth wasting the only one he had over it.

*

It was four hours later, and nothing was going well. Everyone was on the Waterfall set, which was pretty awful in itself - everything looked really fake, and Hinata knew everything would be corrected in post-production but still it was barely better than a green screen at that point.

Everyone was exhausted, Kirigiri was on her four coffee cup, and Kamukura seemed almost in a dissociative state with how much he seemed to care about his surroundings.

Of course, it was all Enoshima’s fault. She was objectively one of the biggest star in Japan, and everyone knew that her being in the movie would guarantee some kind of success. She was also a terrible human being, who enjoyed nothing more than to reduce to tears her assistants.

“This is what you call a macchiato ?” She spat to the poor girl’s face, who was already quivering in fear. “I could piss in a cup and it would taste better than that. Are you trying to poison me ?”

“I can’t believe you accepted to hire her,” Hinata mumbled to Komaeda’s attention, as they were both looking at the scene with consternation. “She is not a bad actress, but she is not worth the hassle. Sonia could play her part just as well.”

Komaeda looked at Hinata, all wide-eyed and pink-cheeked, and it was really infuriating how pretty he looked after so many hours of being stuck in the Waterfall set with the entire film crew. Hinata was sure that he looked like a mess, even after he took off the heavy wig he wore when he incarnated Kamukura.

Seeing how things were going, he wouldn’t have to save Junko’s ass from a well-deserved fall to death before ten o’clock, anyway. And only if Kirigiri didn’t give up and call it a day until then.

“I’m not taking any creative decision,” Komaeda replied with a shrug. “I wasn’t the one who asked for Enoshima. I’m not sure who did, to be completely honest.”

“Someone who doesn’t have to spend hours with her everyday,” guessed Hinata, grimacing when he saw Enoshima’s assistant run away, probably in order to get another coffee. “I never thought she was that good of an actress. Did you ?”

Komaeda hummed noncommittally but didn’t add anything, which, considering his habit to wax poetry about every actor in the Studios, definitely meant he was agreeing with him. Hinata weirdly felt vindicated by that.

“She will attract a different audience,” explained Komaeda. “She is very popular with teenage girls, and straight males. Since I’m neither I might not be the best person to judge of her appeal.”

They both fell silent, looking at Kirigiri and Enoshima’s argument about a specific line that Enoshima wanted to change in the script, and Hinata took the time to file the information he had just received from Komaeda, just in case. 

“You could fire her,” Hinata suggested. “You’re putting the money, you get to decide, right ?”

Komaeda chuckled. “I’d rather leave the creative process to talented people, that’s better for everyone.”

“Wait,” Hinata replied. “You are talking as if you didn’t take any decision for the movies you are funding. That makes no sense.”

“That’s the case,” Komaeda shrugs. “I just give the money, and the Studios does the rest.”

“But this is ridiculous ! All your movies were success. All of them. Including the one that is entirely made in sign language. You have to… I don’t know.. influence some creative choices, right ?”

“Nope !” Komeada said, laughing. “You are confusing any kind of skill with pure luck, Hinata. I’m no different from someone who son the lottery.”

“Who won the lottery five times,” Hinata corrected. “You produced five movies. Six with this one, which will probably be an incredible success. I don’t know why because Kamukura can’t act, Enoshima is the worst, the script is terrible, and the set looks like it’s made in cardbox,” Hinata argued.

Komaeda fell silent, and looked away from Hinata.

“This is what you think ? Interesting.”

He didn’t have the time to say more, Kirigiri was calling him for his scene, and he had to put on his stupid, smelly wig and save Junko Enoshima from her death.

Sometimes his life sounded like a joke.

*

“And… cut !”

Hinata almost cried in relief, throwing his wig on the floor - almost hoped it would fall in the water, but since the waterfall wasn’t really one, it wouldn’t make this horrendous thing disappear. It was finally over. The crew was given a day off, and the express command to rest during that day, as everyone looked dead on their feet. Every scene with Enoshima had been filmed though, so the rest would probably be a piece of cake.

He was surprised to see Komaeda still lounging around, as exhausted as the rest of them were.

“You’re still there ?” Hinata asked him. “How surprising.”

“It really is,” Komaeda yawned, hand in front of his mouth. He was always so proper. “I just wanted to ask you something.”

“Shoot,” Hinata replied

“Let’s walk.”

Komaeda started to drift away from the crowd, getting closer to the waterfall.

“Uh, sure ?” Hinata said, following him, a few steps behind. “I kinda want to go home, at some point ? And, you know, sleep until friday morning, or until I’m dead may-”

“Why didn’t you ask me to star in one of my movies ?” Komaeda cut him off, very seriously.

“What ?” Hinata asked, caught off-guard. “Where the hell does that come from ?”

“Komaeda tilted his head on the side, curious. “You seem to think that I have some sort of curse, that makes all the movies I’m producing highly-successful. You are wrong, as I was only lucky, but if that is what you think, and if you truly want to become an actor in the future, why didn’t you ask for a part in one of my movies ?”

Hinata blinked. Truth was, he didn’t consider Komaeda as a ‘contact in the industry’. He was unpleasant, rude at the time, unwillingly hilarious, and Hinata enjoyed spending time with him, more than he would admit it. He didn’t want to… use his relationship ( whatever it was ) with Komaeda to further his career

God, he was never going to be an actor at this rate, right ?

“I didn’t want to owe you anything.” He settled for something that sounded vaguely honest.

“Well, aren’t you a prideful nobody,” Komaeda huffed.

But he was smiling too. And Hinata felt like he had done something right, in this whole mess. Without thinking, he took a few steps in the other’s direction, until he was so close he could see every nuance of green inside Komaeda’s eyes, and noticed how the other’s eyes fell on his lips. They were… as alone as they had ever been.

“I…” started Hinata, without any idea what he was going to say.

But he didn’t have to rack his brain for anything, as suddenly, previsibly, a chunk of the so-cheap-it-was-probably-carbox set cracked under Komaeda’s feet. Hinata saw his eyes widen comically, his mouth open in a silent scream of surprise, and the next instant, he was plunging toward the ground, five meters under them.

Hinata reacted in half-a-second, and caught Komaeda’s wrist as a reflex, and didn’t let go even when he heard the characteristic crack of a broken bone. He almost let go, though, when he heard Komaeda laugh breathlessly.

“See, Hinata ?” His laugh was borderline hysterical. “Am I not the luckiest person alive ?”

“You broke your fucking wrist, Komaeda,” he replied.

*

As predicted, Dream of Future was a huge success. It might or not have been because Enoshima created a huge scandal by pretending being pregnant with Kirigiri’s husband’s child, and then claiming that she would kill herself if he didn’t recognize the baby. Sure, critics tore the movie appart, as it was objectively a pile of burning trash, but everyone wanted a taste of the scandal, as short-lived as it was.

All in all, Hinata was happy to only be a stuntman in this whole affair.

Maybe not wanting to be in one of Komaeda’s movie wasn’t that stupid of an idea.

[empyrean-eurynome]

What's Wrong With SEO?

I have been in this organization enough time to keep in mind when there was no Google. Nowadays, when we mention Search Engine Optimization, we imply Google-specific Search Engine Optimization, mainly since so few individuals even realize there are various other internet search engines. (BTW, for the majority of the searches that I do outside of Internet Marketing topics, I generally improve results from Bing or DuckDuckGo, and also sometimes Wolfram Alpha.). also, check out negative SEO website

Google has come to be the 800-lb gorilla in the search organization. The very first time I came across Google was when they acquired the stopping working Deja Information, which had put together an enormous UseNet database. Maybe not all that large by today's standards, but numerous hundreds of gigabytes, back when a gigabyte hard drive expenses around $1000.

They then presented a cost-free email solution with 10 Mb (IIRC) of storage. In a fantastic viral-marketing maneuver, they made Gmail by "invitation just" without also advertising it. Their key case to popularity was still basic, easy-to-use web search.

Which assisted a great deal in making them a lot more preferred. It has been convincingly demonstrated that Google's guidelines do not apply to Google, nor do they use it to a handful of Google's largest consumers. They have additionally been put by different federal governments for breaking privacy laws.

Before Google ruptured upon the scene, Search Engine Optimization was pretty simple, surrounding on the minor. All you required to do was keyword-stuff your web page( s), and also your web site obtained a good ranking.

The primary problem with that said was that a lot of individuals (including me) got tired of ineffective search results, where whatever it was that you looked for was being sunk in a sea of unnecessary garbage. In reaction to user complaints, Google found out to acknowledge keyword-stuffing, and also at some point rendered it pointless. On the whole, that was viewed as great, regardless of some whimpering from marketing experts.

Normally, marketers after that tried several other variants of that to navigate Google's brand-new search policies. One was "unnoticeable" keyword stuffing, making key words the same shade as the history. Google figured that.

Some "wizard" figured out exactly how to reveal an entirely various web page to Google than was shown to everyone else. Google got that, as well.

Google's step-by-step adjustments, while primarily positive, generated an entirely new industry in SEO services, considering that it was getting pretty much difficult to handle it alone anymore. Methods that worked well one week could backfire the following week. Search Engine Optimization reached to be a great deal like repainting the wheels on a relocating train.

SEO grew into a very big company. You worked with someone to "optimize" your website, as well as just a few weeks later, you hired someone (possibly the very same company) to undo what was no more working, utilizing a few other techniques that someone created to game Google's system.

A few years back, Google determined that back-links were more crucial than search phrases for establishing "authority" and also "importance." In a foreseeable market reaction, all of the folks attempting to video game the system caught that like a duck on a June-bug. So Google needed to find out the distinction between good and also low-quality back-links. At first, they simply marked down low-grade links.

After that, after promising they would not punish poor links, they continued to do precisely that.

A side-effect of the new plan of penalizing low-quality back-links is a brand-new, and also very efficient, negative SEO strategy. For less than $1000, you can get a competitor entirely de-listed by just purchasing a half-million approximately trash web links from link-farms, pornsites, and betting sites. That sort of attack is incredibly hard as well as expensive to counter, and you won't obtain much aid from Google apart from a "disavowal" device that you can utilize to buy hand disavow all those negative web links. All the best keeping that! What you wind up doing is employing somebody at cost rates to make use of some pricey automatic tools, which may or may not assist.

" Free" web traffic from SEO has become pricey.

Search Engine Optimization is currently a fool's video game unless you can pay for to play it on a high degree. Anytime your competition uncovers that you outrank them, they can assess whatever you have done-- and also merely do more of it than you did (or run a negative SEO war you). When you sign up with that rising video game, Google changes the rules again, as well as you finish up beginning over.

I don't wish to play that video game.

I don't pay for SEO solutions( *), and I do not invest a lot of time on it since I uncommitted much about it. On the other hand, you need to do some SEO, or no one will certainly locate you.

What do I do for Search Engine Optimization?

I compose for people, not look engines. I additionally don't use "spinners" to submit several "unique" short articles in various locations. If Google hasn't already figured that, it's only an issue of time.

The purpose of that very first couple of back-links is to obtain real readers to come to your website using those back-links, as well as not necessarily from search. If you have done a great job of creating fascinating stuff on your website, those viewers will share what they found, and also possibly your website will go "viral".

Part of my backlinking method is using discussion forum short articles. That is just one of those things that requires time and initiative to do well. Another part of the approach is to buy web links, which is a Google no-no. I don't buy much, as well as I'm not concerned concerning breaching that regulation because the preliminary website traffic comes straight from the links, and not from search anyway.

Then I go off and also do another thing for a while (perhaps work on another internet site) since this is a very slow process. I have done well in getting several sites ranked well in Google that means, also though that was not my main problem.

The major factor I do not do much SEO since paid website traffic is cheaper. That sounds counter-intuitive, but it's true. However, that's additionally a subject for another write-up.

In the case of a phone telephone call, I like to play the list below game:

1) I ask the caller what his company's essential product and services are.

2) I type whatever he answers into a Google search.

3) I ask him for the LINK to his company's site.

4) I try to find it on the first few pages of the Google results.

5) I ask him why his site does not show on the first 2 or three web pages of my look for what he simply told me was one of the most crucial products and services provided by his business.

6) I provide to "aid" him with SEO, for only $35,000/ month.

The call generally finishes there.

You see, the individual calling me could locate my site and also get in touch with info making use of an internet search-- yet his firm needs to sales call potential clients! I'm doing a much better job of Search Engine Optimization than his business is.

[justinsdaysinthedark]

Post #5 - It's time to freeze the kids

There are a few dates throughout this journey I'll bookmark in life. Today I added another.

"Justin, you have lymphoma."

These weren't four words I'd ever planned on hearing in life but unfortunately, today was the day I did.

What does one think? What does one say? How do you process that sentence? Here I was thinking that I'd built myself up enough and got into the right mind frame. Truth be told, nobody will ever be ready to hear the words "you have lymphoma." Not even me...as strong as I have been during the past two months. I wasn't ready. It hit me like a brick wall.

It was Thursday July 25th, 10:30am. The doctors come into my room for the daily check up. I was sitting in my chair for the first time since having my gall bladder out on Tuesday. Adam, my haematology doctor was there as well as his boss, Michael who I'd dealt with in small proportions. I was by myself, expecting them to tell me the only thing I've heard in the process - "we're still waiting on test results..."

Michael took a seat on the bed next to me and it was at that moment my heart skipped a beat. He'd never done this during his visits. I knew something was about to come. "Justin, you have lymphoma." It hit me. I didn't listen to a single thing he said after that. I sat there. Processing it. Stunned. I asked the doctors to come back when I had dad there, so he could help me process it. I message dad and requested he come in straight away.

I sat there and looked into a blank space for the next half an hour. So many questions running through my mind. A trance. It was a trance I hope you or your closest enemy doesn't have to experience. What's the go from here? Where do I go? Why me? Will I survive? How long left do I have? What about my family? How do I tell them? My friends? What do I say? How do I say it? How do I break the news? Is text message okay to some? I don't know.

10:30 - 11:00 was an incredibly hard period for me and a time in life I wish to never experience again. It is what it is, I couldn't change it from here.

Dad soon arrived and I told him as much as I know. I requested the doctors come in and speak to us both, together. I was already in a better mind space with dad. Somebody I knew. Somebody I could cry to. Somebody I love. It would've been an incredibly hard day for him as well....and mum and Courtney.

By this stage. I'm over the shock. It is what it is. I have lymphoma and it's my turn to beat it.

The doctors came in after lunch and Courtney had fortunately arrived as well to take it all in. At this stage, it is just the preliminary results of the gall bladder biopsy that has tested positive for B-cell lymphoma. That's all the doctors needed to know. They were finally able to prove what they suspected from the get go. I have lymphoma in my stomach region and brain. Final results are due in tomorrow (Friday July 26th) and from there we will make a better plan on what my treatment will look like.

One thing was made certain though, it will involve a mix of chemo and another treatment process to target the cancer in brain. It's hard to put into words my emotions throughout the day. I was certain at this point, relief was definitely somewhere. We're there. We finally have an answer. It is something that can be treated. Let's start it ASAP.

One thing first though. One thing I bet you wouldn't be thinking about because I'll tell you what, I certainly didn't. Chemotherapy slows down and can stop sperm production in males which means I'd be infertile and unable to have kids in the future. I had the option to freeze my swimmers for potential future use IF something goes wrong and I do end up infertile. For somebody like me who loves kids and can't wait to have my own, it was a decision I didn't even have to think about twice. Whilst the potential is there that i may be infertile when the time comes, I'd love to have that option to have frozen swimmers there to try and see if that can yield a child or two. Fingers crossed it won't come to this however you just never know. Just as an FYI, the cost of storage equates to roughly $1/day - cheaper than childcare! I do joke of course....but that is a fact.

In short, I'll know more tomorrow and will blog about my treatment once I have a definitive plan in place.

Moving back a few days. I had my gall bladder removed (obviously) on Tuesday morning after anxiously waiting three days. I could go into specifics and a long story however I won't tonight. Surgery went well despite the fact it took longer than expected. The surgeons expected a quick 45 minute operation however two and a half hours later they sewed me up. This was due to a number of reasons, mostly being they had to make more incisions than first expected (5 v 3) and the incisions were larger than they thought. Additionally, they were aiming to get another biopsy sample near my colon which they were unable to find.

All in all, I'm sore and sorry however am improving each day as expected. Sleeping has been difficult...as has getting up, going to the toilet, walking, showering - all the daily tasks.

How am I doing tonight? I'm tired both physically and mentally. It's been an incredibly big day of news and I look forward to sleeping on it and seeing what tomorrow has in store for me.

Before I leave you, I stated at the start of tonight's blog that I bookmarked a few dates. Today was the biggest yet meaning I've only got two more left - the date treatment starts and the date I enter remission. Bring them on.

Juzz xx

[ramblinganthropologist]

Writober 2019 1 - Missing Moment

Summary: Ok, there is no way you can be dead for 2 years and wake up looking perfect. Alistair needs a hand after coming back from the dead. Luckily, Bo’s pretty good with a pair of scissors.

---

It was so good, having Bo back in his-

“Get over here, you look like shit.”

Never mind, he took it back. He took it all back.

It had been a few hours since Alistair Shepard had settled back onto the recreated Normandy. Something about all the yellow and racist logos was off putting to say the least, but that was what spray paint and a boring night were for later. He had just entered his quarters, expecting to get some probably not needed rest, but was stopped by an intruder sitting at his desk.

When had Bo gotten up here?

“Guess I'm not the only one who can get up here then.” Alistair paused to check how his new hamster was settling into his habitat. The fish tank had taken some modifications, but now there was more than enough room for Saren to burrow, eat, and glare daggers at him. Clearly, the little guy had inherited his mood from his first caretaker. “What's up?”

Bo stood up from his chair and rolled it to a clean patch of floor. “You need a haircut. Who the hell was handling that while you were out?”

Not him – he was dead.

Alistair felt his face heat as he played with one of the long strands hanging by his shoulder. Sure, the ends were a little split, but it wasn't that bad. “I don't know, ask Miranda. She was the one who put me back together.”

Poorly – she had left in some less than essential features such as GAD and a functional uterus. Why she had kept those in he had no fucking idea. They were going to have a little talk about that later, once he survived whatever Bo was planning for him.

“Bet it was her. Asshole has it all uneven in the back.” Bo tapped the chair again. “Well, you coming or do I have to put your ass in the chair?”

She was worse than a drill sergeant some days. Still, Alistair didn't feel like arguing. He maneuvered his newly built body into the chair and accepted the towel she tossed to cover his clothes. She already had her tools out, but he didn't see clippers there – just scissors.

“Not going for the Commander Shepard look this time?”

Behind him, the large woman snorted and picked up a comb instead.”You're dead, why the fuck do you have to listen to the Alliance's regulations? Might as well keep it long and piss somebody off.”

She paused, and he felt her hand on her head. “Unless you want it short. Could probably still figure something out to piss them off if you want.”

Alistair frowned as he looked down at his feet. With everything going on, his head was swimming. After all, he had been dead until a few hours ago. Two years had passed in that time, and just thinking of it made him sick to his stomach.

Was he still himself? Miranda had mentioned she wished they had put a chip into his brain, but what had she done while he was out? For all he knew, just under the surface was... well, he didn't want to think about it.

“No. You can keep it long.”

“Excellent.” She started combing with a steady hand. “I'm going to kill Miranda when I'm finished. You think a perfect bitch like her would know how to cut a damn straight line.”

He snorted despite himself. “I thought straight lines when cutting was a bad idea?”

“Like you fucking know.” He got a light tap to the back of his head as a reprieve. “Now don't move or I might cut your ear.”

Right – still as the dead. He was an expert in that now.

Bo began trimming, checking the length as she worked. The hand on his head held a few new scars and some interesting new calluses to say the least. He traced the new paths of lighter skin in his memory, checking to see what he didn't remember. There were a lot to say the least.

“You get those from the arena?”

After all, he'd found her wrestling krogan under an alias. If anyone could leave a permanent mark on Bo Peep Shepard, it would be a freaking krogan. Lesser species wished they had the capabilities. Of course she had left 24-0, so maybe even the krogan couldn't stand up to her might. From what he had seen when she'd bounced a young krogan across the fighting pit, she had well earned her nickname as the angry pink monster.

That name was so her... had she thought it up?

Bo made a thoughtful noise as she continued cutting. “Yeah. You should have seen the other guy, though.”

She sent a few uneven strands of red to the floor around his feet. “Guess they'll have to have someone else be the stand in champ until I get back.”

“I don't think that'll be a problem, there's plenty of people who would want to beat a Spectre's record.” The words still felt weird on his new tongue, as if he had to relearn how to use them. “They might call you back for a title bout at this rate.”

He couldn't see her expression, but the flex of her muscles when she tensed told him she was more than ready for that day. Somewhere on Omega, there was a krogan who had no idea what was coming to them. He almost felt bad for them.

Almost... but when you have four freaking testicles it's pretty hard to pity someone. Not that he was jealous or anything.

Bo shifted, letting down a new layer of hair as she worked. A few quiet minutes passed, with only the snip of the scissors to pass the time. It was a quiet rhythm that Alistair leaned into, eyes closing. Maybe he needed that nap after all.

“Huh...”

The tickling of hair against his face caused the reborn Spectre to open his eyes – not that it was useful. All he could see was red. Bo had shifted to his fringe and was doing... something with a comb. Was she looking for something?

Movement was out of the question, but his mouth still worked fine. “Problem?”

“Yeah, I was going to do a side part but I forgot you have that eye now.” His fringe momentarily lifted. “It's fucking weird to see you without those scars.”

Alistair's reply was almost instant. “It's fucking weird to see you, let's be honest.”

This time, it was Bo who snorted as she left him back to his ginger blindness. Her fingers brushed up against the raw skin stretched thin over implants along his jaw. They were still too open and glowed a sinister red even when he wasn't doing anything. They were all over his body still – a product of being brought back too early.

Honestly... they creeped him out.

“Well, least you traded your scars for something cool.” Bo muttered this absentmindedly as she parted his fringe a little more off to the side. “Though creepy ass evil cyborg red isn't really your color.”

He rolled his eyes in response – the new one still felt weird. “Well, I'd hack them to change them to blue if I could, but I think that would probably kill me.”

“Could also trip the secret testosterone reserve Miranda built in as a fail safe.” The scissors were back, trimming his fringe neat. “Then again, if she puts you together as badly as she cuts hair, you might fall apart in a stiff breeze.”

Alistair could almost imagine his head rolling down the docks, someone chasing after it to put it back on his body. It was morbid, but he found himself laughing. The laugh scraped his insides and loosened some things up Miranda had left behind in her rebuild. Now it felt a little more... like himself, he supposed.

“Well, I can trust you to collect my body parts, can't I?”

Bo smirked as she finished her work. “Yeah, but don't ask me to put you back together. That's your area of expertise.”

Hopefully his left hand would still be attached – perish the thought otherwise.

She patted him on the shoulder, her sign she was finished. Alistair sighed in relief and brushed some stray hair from his shoulders as he stood. He caught his reflection in polished metal and evaluated it with a critical eye.

Well, critical eyes. He had two again. That still weirded him out, almost as much as the glowing red implants that cast a ruddy light on his already pink-toned skin. For Bo, it would've worked maybe. On him, he just looked silly. At least his hair looked decent, a little longer than shoulder length and parted neatly off to the side so he could see. It was completely against Alliance regulations, but at that point he couldn't really care.

“You are a wizard with scissors, Bo.” He brushed it back with his hand to check the implants along his jaw. “Eh... might try hacking those first.”

The large woman snickered as she walked over to check her work. “Whatever you say, pretty boy. Just let me know when we're getting ready to dock on Omega. I left some shit behind and I need to get it.”

Sure, they could do that right before they plunged into enemy territory to find the mysterious Archangel that left Bo in stitches whenever he mentioned them. Alistair shook his head and watched as she left – leaning him to clean up the mess.

That's how it always worked. He shouldn't have been surprised but... well, death numbs some senses.

“Thanks, Bo.” Another head shake, and off Alistair went to go find a broom to clean up. Maybe it was the hair, but he felt lighter as he walked. He didn't quite feel like himself yet, but it was a decent start to getting there.

Now if he could only find that secret testosterone reservoir without making his head pop off in the process.

[twinkledadwa]

Twinkledad’s #2

Dear Twinkledad,

Am I moving on too fast? I just got out of something super toxic... and not even 10 days later I’m hooking up with someone I just met. My ex really damaged me and I don’t know if I’m doing this to distract myself or if I’m really ready. I feel bad bc this new kid is very sweet and I don’t want to lead him on but also as of right now its just friends with benefits. also I’m talking to a old flame. I just feel lost and like I need a second opinion.

Anonymous.

 Dear Anonymous,  When I answered this question on air, I ran into a few technical difficulties with Serato. As a result, the first song had the audio quality of Never Meant earrape once it finally played. I hope it wasn’t too abrasive! Logan was a big fan of it, though.

 So. 

 Here at Twinkledad’s, we support healthy sex lives. The act of hooking up with someone, even right after a breakup, is completely okay. You have this freedom and it’s in your right to use it. Where you should be careful is your intent behind this FWB relationship. What are you getting out of it? Is it sex for the sake of sex, or are you reaching for something deeper?

 It is wholly possible you could be wanting the “emotional intimacy” often associated with relationship sex. That could be trouble for you and the other party involved.

 Toxic relationships, from common knowledge and experience, can leave a lot of emotional trauma. Now is the time for you to learn how to heal. Finding healthy coping mechanisms is a trial-and-error process. That is what essentially takes up most of the timetable for moving on; once it clicks, and you’ll know when, it’s a matter of days from then.

 The question could be, “am I trying to move on too fast?”.  Forcing yourself to move on, actively or subconsciously, does not allow you the respect you deserve. Applying what was previously said to your specific question, you could be ignorant to what your emotions need right now. Likewise, if your FWB or old flame are not on the same page as you, they could become more attached than you are. No one’s at fault for this. You’d be coping and that’s reasonable.

 You simply asked for a second opinion, and probably didn’t want this long of a response. To give an answer to your original question, yes, I believe you are. I know nothing beyond the question you’ve sent in, but I really wish you the best with everything.

 “Anniversary Song” was chosen for its subject matter. The entire album, Just Married, is a very bitter and real portrayal of breaking up, moving on, and dying angry. 

 “Heathers” is not only catchy, but (possibly) about a booty call. It is a fun introspection about staying up all night and needing someone to talk to.

Glocca Morra - Anniversary Song

Insignificant Other - Heathers

Dear Twinkledad,

How do I apologize to someone who doesn’t want to talk to me? Is there a way where I can apologize without it being self serving?

Anonymous.

Dear Anonymous,

 In essence, I feel like this is impossible.

 There’s nothing wrong with that. You should give your interests and the other person’s interests the same amount of respect. It is difficult when you have genuine regret over something and you can’t necessarily go across portraying that when the other person, reasonably so, is hurt/upset/any sentiment that results in them not wanting to talk to you. 

 Apologizing right now, in this situation, will realistically be seen as self serving. In Moral Philosophy we discussed the concept of psychological egoism. Egoism is pretty different from selfishness, as egoism is acting in one’s self interest with wisdom, charity, and kindness towards others. Common critique brings up the possibility that other interests (in this case, the feelings of the other person) could be prioritized and therefore egoism can’t be achieved. Yet a lot of classmates, including myself, argued for all actions being inherently self-interested. Apologizing to your person, how would you consider it? Are you apologizing because they are hurt, or because you miss them?

 That’s not to imply you don’t feel regret. We’re humans, philosophy was never meant to be taken as universal truth. It’s to suggest a possible answer on whether or not it would be self serving.

 I suggest waiting for them to reach out. They could not be fully over what happened, and that’s straight chilling. I’m sure they recognize how you feel. One point in the future will come a time where both of you are on the same page in the same book. 

 “Weird Dream, Conscious Stream” was chosen because A.) I Hate Sex is stellar and B.) suggests an impossible reality for the narrator where the subject and other coexist.

 “Do You Still Hate Me?” was chosen because of the title. According to Hugh, one of the best songs ever.

 “I’m Here for The Pizzah Partie” was an obvious choice. Very obvious. Glaringly obvious. Fact. It’s fact.

I Hate Sex - Weird Dream, Conscious Stream

Jawbreaker - Do You Still Hate Me?

Two Knights - I’m Here For The Pizzah Partie

Dear Twinkledad,

I’m becoming more aware of my sudden anger and sadness outbursts. but I’m scared to go and get checked out bc I don’t want to be drugged up or I guess Face the music.

Anonymous.

Anonymous,

 Let’s say you do get checked out. If you have a mental health diagnosis, good news! You have a mental “illness”. 

 Downside: you are stuck with this for the rest of your life. 

 Upside: you have all the time in the world to learn how to cope with it. 

 Getting checked out does not mean you’ll be drugged up. If you are of age, that’s entirely in your control. There are routes of dialectical behavior therapy (or just normal therapy) you can take. Nobody’s necessarily pro-medication in all situations. It’s hard not to have some ignorance of mental health problems if you don’t have the problem for sure. Take whatever path you feel best suits your needs. 

 We are not our diagnoses. However, it can be of great help to recognize your shitty behavioral ticks and understand why you have them. The start of your question implies you have been aware of specific behavior for some time now. With that, you have already begun to face the music. If you do decide to get checked out but give it a lot of time, a diagnosis could feel like a no-brainer to you. In fact, it could be a weight lifted.

  Misdiagnosis can happen. Wrong meds, taking the medication, can happen. It’s part of coping, it sucks major ass. Time will come where mental health can feel worse than ever and like it is inescapable. The important thing is keeping your head up. I really hope you find the answers you want and or need.

 I chose “As Cool As An Attempted Suicide”, beyond what the name suggests, for its energy. It’s a fun song for its subject matter. Being sad is not necessarily always bad.

 “Why Am I Not Going Under Water?”/Snowing as a whole was an emotional crutch for me when I went through similar struggles. Galm’s vulnerability made me realize I was not alone, and hopefully it does the same for you too.

Leer - As Cool As An Attempted Suicide

Snowing - Why Am I Not Going Underwater?

Dear Twinkledad,

I've never really been in a real relationship my whole life, haven't even lost my virginity. It bothers me more than it probably should, but I feel almost desperate for a more than just a platonic relationship with someone. Wanna be able to have somebody to kiss/cuddle but seem to screw up every opportunity to have something good with someone.

Anonymous.

  Anonymous,

  A few weeks ago, I matched with someone on Bumble. We had this conversation:

 “Heyy”

 “Sorry, my mom said I can’t talk to girls.”

 “Damn that’s crazy my dad said I can’t talk to boys *frowny face emoji*”

 Then I left her on Read. Point being, everything will be okay.

 Virginity is frustrating, in theory and in practice. It shouldn’t be a crime to not be sexually active or never had a serious relationship. Yes, love is great. However, one thing you’ll most likely learn when you experience love, because you will, is you can live without it. How we’ve constructed what virginity means has set pretty high expectations of what sex is like. In actuality, it’s pretty mediocre. Fun, but as you continue to open the bag of magic sex tricks, you’ll have plenty of mixed experiences. It is not a necessity by any means.

 Love, on the other hand, is uncomfortably tied to our values. For a lot of people, having a family is their primary goal in life. I’ve seen this referred to as “honorable” multiple times as multiple people. What it does, subsequently, is pressure people into viewing sex and love as an accomplishment the same virginity does. Falling in love is an awesome feeling. Falling out of love is a terrible feeling. Experiencing neither does not put such a great weight on your shoulders like love does. To quote Quarterbacks, “love is situational”. You’ll have it. No way in hell you haven’t. The situation has yet to arise.

 Dating apps are not worth it. Love is a feeling, right? There’s no need to force it. If you are relatively new in experience, your perception of love can be greatly skewed. I’m sure, whoever you are, you are in safe hands. You’ll be carried into the world of sex and love naturally, not at your own will, where it’s inevitably messier.

 Once YOU, not anyone else, are satisfied with your romantic life, please send a message back. I wish you the best of luck knowing you have it, and just want you to be happy.

 With a lot of music, worlds tend to be created through the instrumentals and not the lyrics. “Hardly Art” always forces a great sense of introspection and how I handle myself in situations of co dependence whenever it comes on.

 “Try to Sleep”’s vocals, lyrics, and stripped back, lo-fi production echoes loneliness from all fronts.

 Closer - Hardly Art

 Attic Abasement - Try To Sleep

[merinathropp]

Tanz der Vampire - Vienna 2018: Detailed Breakdown

Guys, this was such an amazing experience, I have a real mixed bag of opinions (both good and bad) and a lot of emotions. I feel so lucky to have seen this production. Now, to get all my thoughts down on paper! 

First night - from middle stalls front row Second night - from middle stalls seventh row

Graf von Krolock - Drew Sarich (second night) Graf von Krolock - Florian Fetterle (first night) Alfred - Raphael Gross Professor - Sebastian Brandmeir  Sarah - Diana Schnier Herbert - Charles Kreische Magda - Anja Backus 

.

THE GOOD STUFF

ALFRED - Hello yes first off I would like to marry thank Mr. Raphael Gross for his powerful, heartfelt portrayal of one of my all-time favourite characters. He was everything I could ever want in an Alfred: sweet and devoted, full of energy and expression, and completely freaking adorable. He scurried around the stage like a frightened hedgehog, but I mean that in the best way possible. He was a ray of (very anxious) sunshine, you couldn’t help but love him and want him to win against all the odds. 

- Für Sarah was An Experience, in the best way possible. Raphi’s Alfred started off very soft and uncertain, sort of pep-talking himself into summoning up the courage to keep going, but as the song went on, he seemed to sort of...grow and strengthen in front of your eyes? Like he was channelling all his love for Sarah into fighting against his fears, and by the end of the song, he had defeated them completely. He was practically punching the air and thrusting the bag all over the place with passion and determination. It was sweet and stunning and perfect, and the audience rightfully cheered at the end :’)

- Loved this detail: when the Professor was demonstrating to Rebecca how he was going to stage Chagal, Raphi turned his head away and cringed and closed his eyes for the actual moment of staking. Such good foreshadowing, setting up how frightened Alfred is by the whole staking process, so early on!

- When the Professor gestured in Ein Guter Tag for a bowl of gruel, he leapt up and charged around the bed at such a speed, he completely forgot where he was going :’) because he headed straight for the Professor’s clothes instead of the trolley! He had to skid on his heel and go charging back to fetch a bowl of gruel instead. It was the most Alfred-y thing to do (being in such a desperate hurry to please the Professor, he forgets what the Professor actually asked him to do) - I loved it.

- When the Professor is chiding him for stepping on the creaky floorboard at the end of Act 1 (even though it’s actually the Professor himself), Raphi’s Alfred stood there with this expression of half-bewilderment, half-hurt on his face, kind of like: “But Professor I’m not...doing anything...” and it was both hilarious and sad all at the same time. Then when Alfred himself passed the creaky floorboard, he walked very carefully to make sure it didn’t creak again, which is the most Alfred-y thing and I loved it. 

- Okay, this made me laugh so much at the time, even though I always feel so bad for Alfred: when the Professor does his “Hast du ihn provoziert oder was?!” line and tries to investigate his trousers, Raphi’s Alfred went into a complete panic and struck this ridiculous wobbly pose where he tried to turn his legs in and cross his knees, he looked completely silly and like he was about to fall over at any moment :) poor Alfred, it’s just the icing on the cake in that scene...

- The bite was 10x more traumatic than it needed to be, because inbetween the usual screams of pain, Raphi’s Alfred cried out Sarah’s name, and that pretty much broke me. I don’t know whether he was begging her to stop or just crying out in horror, but either way, it was gut-wrenching. 

- He undid four of his shirt buttons in the bathroom scene??? revealing a lot of bare chest to the audience??? I think this is the most scandalous thing I’ve ever seen an Alfred do??? (not exactly complaining, it was just...unexpected)

- Raphi lost his red coat somewhere over the course of his dance with Herbert and it was the greatest thing I have ever witnessed in a rendition of Wenn Liebe. Literally, it was hanging off his shoulder, and he couldn’t pull it back up because of the mirror-reflection. This + drenched in sweat + his hair looking like he’d come through a hedge backwards = I felt bad for laughing, but it was hilarious and adorable in equal amounts, just the icing on the cake in that scene.

KROLOCK (DREW SARICH) - I was not prepared.

- Seriously, nothing could have prepared me.

- Nothing, I tell you.

- Don’t get me wrong, I’d seen this guy on YouTube before and always thought he was a perfectly decent Krolock. But seeing him live...oh boy, seeing him live was an experience I will never forget. I finally understand all the hype for Drewlock and it is so. freaking. justified. I’m now going to fangirl for a couple of paragraphs and probably say 19023 things that all his fangirls have been analysing for decades, but what can I say? I’m a shiny new fan!

- I think the best way to describe Drew’s performance is hypnotic, charismatic and animalistic. There was something so intimate about his portrayal, you hung on every single word he spoke. Each line was given purpose and meaning, every gesture controlled and planned, every tiny inflection mattered. He was magnetic to watch, sending this incredible hush over the audience whenever he spoke or sang. When he was onstage, it was like the entire world and all the other characters revolved around him, and each time he left the stage, I found myself wishing (for the first time) that there was more Krolock in the show. 

- He glided around with this incredible predatory grace. His hands were constantly moving and arching and flexing, like a cat with its claws. He’d snarl, hiss, bare his teeth, twitch his lips, lick his fangs etc. in a way that somehow always came off incredibly chilling, never silly or pantomimic. During his numbers, I kept noticing my heart literally pounding in my chest, or having to to lean back in my seat and let out my breath in a gush because I’d been holding it...ridiculous, but true, and completely awesome.

- His personality for Krolock was full of charisma, pathos, wit, genuine menace, and humour. Proper humour, that was what surprised me the most, e.g. his sarcasm with the Professor and mocking reaction to Alfred’s candlestick charge both made me laugh out loud. 

- His dynamic with Alfred was...full-on seduction? Vor Dem Schloss was surprisingly intense! I’m not a Krolfred shipper, but I can see where the inspiration comes from now, and understand why this ship has climbed in popularity recently. Drew’s Krolock approached Alfred and moved his fingers in front of his face, like he was casting a spell, and Raphi went all dopey and wide-eyed, like he’d slipped into a trance (much more interesting than Alfred looking mildly scared and awkward through the whole scene). Then during the ‘Ich lehr dich, was es heißt zu lieben’ line, when Alfred was gazing sleepily out into the audience, he tucked a finger under Alfred’s chin, guided it around and upwards to look at him, then begin to draw them together (literally, I thought a kiss was coming and was ready to throw a riot) - before breaking off at the last second and sweeping away. I was like: “This. This right here, is when the ship was born. I’m holding you personally responsible, Mr. Sarich.” 

- In fairness though, I like that Drew’s Krolock kept his interest in Alfred consistent throughout the show and made a proper ‘arc’ of it: during the He Ho Reprise, when speaking directly to Alfred (who had hunched in on himself and turned away, like he was hiding), he reached out a hand over the battlements and beckoned with one finger, and Raphi’s Alfred slowly looked up to meet his gaze, and started to shuffle towards him across the stage, like he was falling back into a trance again. Tom’s Alfred did something similar when I saw him in Hamburg, but this was much more obvious and a nice throwback to Act 1. 

PROFESSOR - This guy was perfect. Hilarious, frustrating, easy to love, fond of Alfred. Ticked all the boxes and an amazing voice to boot. What a great performance. 

- Once Alfred had helped him undress in Eine Schoner Tochter, he reached out and held his hand to Alfred’s cheek and gave him this proud grandfather smile like “Thank you my boy, another good day’s work done :)))” and I cried a lot on the inside...these two will be the death of me I swear...

- During the He Ho Reprise, he brandished his umbrella threateningly at Krolock, and then when Krolock spoke directly to Alfred, he encouraged Alfred to take his umbrella instead, so he could brandish it at the Evil Vampire Overlord too and presumably protect himself more effectively :’) 

HERBERT - Why, oh why is no one talking about Charles?! This guy is sheer perfection as Herbert! Hands down one of my all-time favourites. He reminded me strongly of Kirill Gordeev from the Russian production, but with his own personal flair. Very much a graceful, charming, vain, ‘spoiled princeling’ Herbert with the perfect amount of underlying menace. He felt very fresh, and there were so many little details to his performance that stood out. Best of all, he never played for laughs or threw Alfred around like a sack of potatoes to get an audience reaction.

- On the line: “Was macht dich so blass? Bist du krank?” he said the last part as if it were a dry witty joke, and then giggled and swept his hand like “I’m so funny!” and it made Alfred’s nonplussed reaction twice as hilarious :)

- When the minuet began in Tanzaal, he swept off his cloak and tossed it over Koukol like he was a hatstand, it was priceless. And 110% Herbert. Somebody write that into the official blocking for this character, please. 

- Throughout Carpe Noctem, he was very much embodying the ‘MC’ role and pulling all the strings. Lots of elegant gestures to pull dancers on and offstage, that kind of thing. At the end of the song, he focussed his attention completely on Alfred, watching him sleep with this :) expression whilst all the other dancers exited the stage. Then he clambered off the bed, and started to exit the stage...before pausing, and turning back to look at Alfred again (kind of like a kid sneaking a last glance at something special, it was unexpectedly sweet?) with this little smile on his face like “Awww look at my human! :3” and finally slinking offstage after that. Definitely stealing that for a fanfic someday...

KENTAUR SETS & COSTUMES - Are stunning and beautiful. ‘Nuff said. The vampire outfits in particular are exquisitely detailed and lovely to watch, all that sweeping velvet and heavy embroidery. The rotating set in Act 2 is also super neat! I think the projections are best seen from middle of the stalls, rather than front row though.

ORCHESTRA - Sounds like a dream, y’all were right, it’s a thousand times better than the German touring version. Full and luscious and gorgeous. Loved it so much.

THE BAD STUFF

SARAH - Oh boy, time to brace myself for the hate mail. I really, really didn’t like Diana’s Sarah. I found her belt shouty and downright painful at times, and her acting choices very confusing and inconsistent. I don’t want to turn this into an unnecessarily negative post, so I will just say: she’s clearly a wonderful talented young person, I just personally didn’t like her performance for Sarah at all. 

KROLOCK (FLORIAN FETTERLE) - Again, didn’t care for this guy’s performance. Very sedate, bored-by-his-eternal-life Krolock that came off...downright dull, for me. I felt as though he had no stage presence. He didn’t seem to want to give Krolock any real menace or personality in general, though I understand that this might be part of his take on the character as a vampire with ‘deadened’ emotions. Full respect to the guy as a performer, I just personally really, really wasn’t a fan of his Krolock. 

DANCING - Went wrong in multiple places, both times I saw it, which absolutely broke my heart. The cast I saw in Hamburg were flawless, not a foot out of place, but this was a whole different story. During Red Boots Ballet, Sarah didn’t even hit her splits on both performances I saw, and Krolock’s dance-double let one of her legs drop on that amazing ‘spinning’ lift at the end, which must have thrown him off balance, he was staggering around all over the place. Carpe Noctem was equally messy, with some really nice moments and some really “huh?” moments as well. White Vampire/Sarah seemed to lose their marks halfway through and face the bed instead of the audience, several moves felt like they were being ‘marked’ rather than fully danced, or left unfinished in aid of keeping up with the music. I spoke to two other fans who warned me that the Vienna dancing could be sloppy sometimes, but I genuinely didn’t think it would be this noticeable. I know we’re spoiled with all the Moscow/St. Petersburg bootlegs of insanely polished Russian dancers, but still...

BLOCKING ETC. - During my first performance, it seemed as though bits of blocking were being lost or accidentally messed up, e.g. when the Professor pushes his bag off the table using Chagal’s body and Alfred has to catch it...well, the bag was positioned wrong, so Alfred just picked up the bag and the joke was lost. The ensemble also managed to get out of time with the orchestra during Vor Dem Schloss, which was funny at first and then just frustrating. I’m going to put this down to the heat of the day, because it was pretty stuffy in the theatre and maybe the cast were just finding it hard to concentrate...?

.

I’ve now seen Tanz four times in total, and continue to love this show more every day. Time to start saving for a trip to Russia, that’s the production next on my bucket list! Unless someone attempts a heavily, heavily revised Broadway revival before then...I mean, a girl can dream, right? :)

[townshade6]

There’s Nothing Wrong With Utilizing your Mobile Phone a Lot

Is very not uncommon for people to use another person's cell phone and to be our very first time. In doing so , we are trying to reproduce that first feeling of freedom a phone gives. A family member in another point out was in the hospital. It was a Sunday nighttime, and I have been invited into a party. Rather than being away having fun I had been sitting in my apartment, looking forward to the phone to call, restless for information. It was a pal who provide me his phone to be sure I will find out any information as quickly as possible, and in addition, be able to enroll in the get together. There was zero reason for me to be connected to my own landline. I look back at that illustration, and in addition in wondering at how gracious my friend was in financing me his phone for the night (who would offer their cellphone away today? ), My spouse and i couldn’t has stopped being amazed at the liberty this cellphone gave me. I was able to venture out and be interpersonal - whilst still being accessible as well. This is the kind of freedom cell phones make available. Currently our telephones are regarding far more than vocal communications, and they are no longer an optionally available possession. They can be integrated into existence in ways not really their makers thought. But screen period is the fresh sitting in a chair for hours at a time, which I happen to consent is a bad thing. I have a standing office and it’s been a life changer. In a time when we are digitally connected these days, yet feeling more unconnected than ever, we are being taught, even admonished, to lessen the dependence on cell phones. To limit our amount of time in front of screens, to put the telephone down and have a real dialogue with someone, in the flesh. Elimination of equipment and display time is currently becoming a luxury item; to be able to disconnect from our phones to get an extended period of time bestows a status that a lot of us can’t find the money for or achieve. Take action, we could told, for your sanity if perhaps not humankind, and also for your neck: constantly looking down at your cellphone strains your lower back, which leads to all type of physical pain. I’ve possibly experienced repeating stress symptoms with my fingers from a lot of scrolling, and i also could swear my forearm sometimes affects in a weird place if I’ve utilized my telephone for too much time. However is using the cell phones a lot really so bad? Does staying addicted to the phones genuinely disconnect all of us from other folks as much we believe? Aren’t there gains for the activities that consume us while were clutched to the smartphones? Whenever we use our phones, perhaps there is something we’re missing that we would be doing otherwise? I get a whole lot out of using my personal cell phone, and so no, Really dont want to set it straight down. The answer is never to be socially shamed in using my cell phone significantly less. The response is to ensure cell phone use is addictive and productive and entertaining, not only a distraction coming from boredom or perhaps isolating you from cultural or specialist settings. It is crucial to be intentional and aware about how youre using your phone, not whether you’re using it at all or too much. The minds will be constantly operating, processing our many thoughts, worries, concerns, plans. We really need a frenzymadness, desperation, hysteria, mania, insanity, delirium, derangement from all of it, but occasionally, life isn’t so obvious cut.

Take those movies. My spouse and i go, almost exclusively, to a movie theater having a strict simply no phones, simply no texting plan. They will chuck your ass out if you utilize a mobile phone in the theater. Yet once I was which has a friend, too theater, who had been being endlessly texted by his wife. We now know her mother was in critical health problem. He wound up leaving the movie to organize to go to the airport. As wonderful as a continuous movie encounter is, that doesn’t overcome emergencies whenever they arise. Handful of experiences with another person happen to be as close and binding as a distributed meal. (Hang on, I can get to sexual in a minute. ) In the event that there was ever before a moment when ever you could wish to connect with other people, straight, eye to eye, with no distraction, it could be over a food. However, just like almost everything, there may be exclusions. Suppose, throughout the dialog, you start discussing taking a vacation together, or about national parks, or about decreasing in numbers species? Looking up pics to show your companion can add towards the conversation. Quickly Googling a well known fact or reference point can help within your argument. Showing a social media post you found attention grabbing, interesting or perhaps important can be quite a launching stage of a chat. In individuals moments, anyone is not distancing yourself or adding something in the middle you and someone else, you will be sharing. And sharing can be a beautiful thing. What Im not quarrelling is that the both of you should be looking at Facebook, individually, without interesting together. The things i am saying is that your device can be a conduit, a lead, a resource intended for source material, to add and help the chat. If the focus remains to be on the both of you, the phone is a prop. If the focus is definitely centered on the product, the device is an essential seduction and you’ve misplaced interconnection. The former is very good, the latter is certainly not. Each of our cell phones are a instrument. The ideal way all of us choose to use this device is exactly what give them their very own worth. You are likely to think the very last place you’d want cellphone interference would be the bedroom. On the face of it, two people lying down in bed up coming to each other, every single with cellular phones in their hands, all but disregarding each other, sounds like one of the most depressing, spirit-killing scenes one can easily think of modern lifestyle. However would it be naturally awful? If I am reading the newspaper, what does that matter in the event that I’m browsing the actual daily news or the online version in the smartphone? In the event that I’m checking out e-mail, how much does it matter if I have a laptop or telephone? If Im having fun with online games or else distracted, what does it subject if Im browsing an e book of playing a few game? And in the end, don’t we at times glamorize examining in bed with each other? I love reading books, in order to find it sort of hot my partner truly does too. Performing that while having sex together, after that talking about what we’re browsing, is a great intellectual turn-on. So with all due esteem to several investigators, in this case, the carrier is definitely not the message. What is important here is certainly not the gadget by itself, yet the activity you’re involved in, either collectively or independently. There can easily still be togetherness when two people are on all their telephones, just like there is when ever reading literature. The most really important problem arises when use of a phone eliminates something, or perhaps triggers a separation if a point of attachment will otherwise take place. Might associated with your phones from pickup bed mean more sex? Might be. It could likewise lead to an individual getting out of bed quicker in the day time, or sleeping sooner at nighttime. Although we are while having sex, did you know that through your smartphone, you can watch videos? Or perhaps look at pictures of…. whatever it can be that excites you? Or make use of software intended to foster discussion or activity with a intimate spouse? The phone is a instrument. It is present without inherent judgment, qualities or value. What we make of it is approximately us. Do I really need to let you know this? Obviously there are times when you must absolutely hardly ever touch the mobile phone, beginning, naturally, with driving a car. (Guilty as billed: I generally use the Roadmaps programs in the phone to aid me receive where I’m going. It isn’t really so simple, is it? ) I think faith based services needs to be device-free specific zones, as should particular spaces, just like gym bathtub rooms, exactly where privacy should be respected. Excellent distaste for people who use their very own phone at the health club; I don’t want to hear your business calls whilst I’m lifting weights. At the same time, I see a lot of people using workout and work out apps on their mobile phones, proving the issue, that once more, these mini-pc systems inside our pockets will be what we make of them. Should you be one of those individuals that attend a live show and insist upon recording video and shooting pictures the whole time, My spouse and i ask how a lot of that is necessary. Experiencing the moment in time for yourself, not simply through a unit, is highly advised. But…. include I ever watched live show footage online taken by somebody else? Yes, I have. Just a few years in the past I was by a field hockey game with my Dad. I’ve been in the habit of checking Facebook during game titles to follow along with the community of enthusiasts and media to help improve my experience of the game, and know more about the thing that was going on. And that’s ideal for when watching at home. Yet I had been there. I didn’t require that community - I had been with 20, 000 persons, and my Dad. Consequently I set my phone in my pocket. I overlooked the comments. I missed the details of points I didn’t see since live, you miss much more than you think. Nevertheless I was in a position to drench in the surrounding. I was able to talk to my Dad as to what we thought would happen subsequent. And later, through the night, when we mentioned the game, we reflected upon so many different moments, details I might have overlooked had We looked at my own phone even more. So there is always a trade off. You will discover moments when your phone can distract you. That muddiness can be a bad thing (when you should be speaking with a cherished one) or a good thing (when you’re sad and only and need something to cheer you up). It can detach you (when you steer clear of another person by simply diving in to social media) or provide you with together (if you look up a joke to share or work with your telephone to turn on music to party to). Let’s not keep our equipment responsible for the human condition. A couple, lovers, let us say, resting in bed. In a single moment, they are on their cell phones, lost inside their own sides. In the next, their very own phones are off, for the bedside table. What happens next? Anything can occur. It’s to the two people involved. That is authentic whether you have your mobile phone in your hand or perhaps not. And if you do, you also choose how to use your telephone: in a disconnecting way or possibly a sharing method. If you are feeling bad or perhaps responsible regarding being on your mobile phone, do you know what you should carry out. You would need to put your trust in your gut. Is important to support the person having the cellphone liable, usually do not blame the tool.

[cheektrout7]

Cost for the groundbreaking ceremony tochucsukienhcm

Most all Affiliate Marketers are consistently seeking thriving markets that provide them with the greatest and fattest paycheck, and the most beneficial means to attain that purpose. Some Imagine You will find a magic system that they can discover if They appear in just the ideal put. In truth, there is in fact a formulation, but its not magic. It really just arrives down to creating excellent marketing conclusions and adhering to established tactics and methods that have worked for Many others over time. Methods that by means of effort and dedication have proven being the most effective in generating great success. Certainly, why re-invent the wheel when most of the “significant lifting” has already been performed for you? Listed below are the very best a few affiliate marketing suggestions that were tested and that you'll be in a position to use to extremely properly improve your sales and thrive in affiliate promoting online. What exactly are the 3 principal ways? Tactic one. It's important to use a novel Online page to advertise Every specific product or service you happen to be advertising. You do not desire to lump all of these with each other on a single site simply to save some Hosting costs. It truly is far better to possess a person site specializing in Just about every and each solution by by themselves. It is a important slip-up several Entrepreneurs make. If you have much more than two objects available for sale on a single web page, the opportunity buyer could possibly get overcome and bewildered quite speedily. By Placing only one item for each site, they have no selection but to deal with that item. This can make it easier for them to help make a choice. You can get away with possessing two items on 1 web site if they are fairly identical in mother nature or material, but having only one performs the top. Combined with the item description, you should constantly consist of at least a person products evaluation on the web site so your guests will have a complete understanding of just what the product can do for them. tổ chức lễ khởi công is usually a terrific concept to incorporate testimonials from genuine consumers which have currently tried the product/services. You wish to ensure that these consumers are ready to Allow you utilize their names and pics over the website page of each product you happen to be advertising, so get permission from them to start with. You should definitely make the webpages eye-catching and compelling and incorporate “phone calls to motion” on the data/item. Just about every headline need to catch the attention of the audience to study additional of the page, or maybe to Get hold of you For more info. Highlight the goods “Distinctive factors”. Give your visitors just as much info as feasible to help you them learn just what the product or service is about, but depart some out to ensure they are going to want to determine more. Tactic two. A terrific way to assistance attract consumers is to offer free reviews together with the products, or maybe for just their title and email handle, and use wonderful autoresponder messages. When possible, try to situation the “absolutely free report” alternative for the incredibly leading in the webpage with the still left facet, making sure that they can not be missed. Studies demonstrate that people scan Websites within the leading down and from remaining to appropriate, Therefore the upper remaining is generally the first thing they see. Usually create a heat and welcoming autoresponder information that will be promptly emailed to whoever provides their personal facts via your decide-in box. In keeping with quite legitimate study, a sale is closed typically around the seventh connection with a different client/prospect. The greater personal you make Each and every Make contact with, the more most likely The client will buy from you, although the product or service is offered from somebody else. My particular encounter is usually that I invest in more quickly from people who reply to my email messages and who genuinely want to assist me. As for autoresponders, you pays a regular monthly price to among the major title businesses, or you are able to do what I did and Get the personal desktop autoresponder that you choose to control each individual aspect of. I have a whole lot a lot more peace of mind being aware of that I've finish control in excess of when And just how my email messages go out. While using the Web content by itself, you'll find only two things which can quite possibly happen: you will get a sale or even the prospect will go away the page and possibly never return once more. By supplying them beneficial information of their inboxes at sure intervals, you might be reminding them of the solution they assumed they may want afterwards and it will continue to keep you, your website and the product or service(s) fresh inside their minds. You ought to make sure that the articles is directed towards the particular and precise good reasons to purchase the merchandise. One thing you don’t choose to do is help it become sound just like a product sales pitch. As an alternative, give attention to the essential factors. As an illustration, present them how your product may make their daily life and working on-line a lot easier plus more pleasant. Be sure to use persuasive subject matter traces in Each individual email. Try to prevent utilizing the word “free of charge” just as much as is possible, since there are several spam filters available that could dump that kind of content into your junk folder right before anybody even reads them. Plus, working with The everyday disguises for these text, like “File*R_E_E” to stay away from the spam filters just appear terrible. I for one particular delete those straight away, as I realize they are trying to “provide” me something. http://moneyjigsaw.com/social/blog/view/120553/organizing-the-groundbreaking-ceremony-of-the-project-tochucsukienhcm want to use your autoresponder emails to encourage individuals who have signed up for the publication/free reviews that they will be lacking out on a little something large if they don’t make use of your services, but get it done without having searching like your “marketing” a thing to them. The more someone thinks it’s their selection to order; the greater most likely they will acquire instantly.

Tactic 3. Now let’s speak about what is most likely The most crucial product. Website traffic. Much more to the point, visitors that brings in customers. And not just any consumers; you ought to get the type of qualified visitors to your solution that should be over prone to get what you are providing. Look at it similar to this, if the one who visits your internet site has zero curiosity by any means in what you are presenting, They are going to be the first kinds to hit the back button and proceed, under no circumstances to return. How can you get this superior, targeted traffic? Composing article content for e-zines, post web pages and e-stories is a superb process. This fashion you'll find publications and post web sites which have been a lot more focused toward your goal customers and what you have got available may possibly just get their fascination. If you're able to generate a minimum of two posts each week, with no less than 300-600 terms in size, you'll get quite a bit far more consideration plus more focused traffic. By retaining articles or blog posts and creating continually just about every 7 days, these content articles can make as lots of as a hundred qualified viewers to your web site in every day. One thing to recall is usually that commonly only one from one hundred people who check out your web site are very likely to get your products or expert services. When you finally can deliver as numerous as one,000 specific targeted traffic hits to your internet site on a daily basis, it is possible to comfortably guesstimate that you will make ten revenue from that website traffic, based upon ordinary data. A different process that I have found to work really properly is to use “visitors exchanges”. There are lots of free of charge and paid exchanges about and also the basic principle with all of them is basically the same. You join, take a look at other associates Websites/adverts and so they consequently evaluate your adverts and web sites. I belong to a few of these and my beloved is TrafficSwarm. Its obtained a quite simple interface; you are able to place up a lot of shorter adverts with hyperlinks for your items and web sites within minutes of signing up for, your advertisements are specific towards the website traffic you need and its cost-free. Since signing up with TrafficSwarm, my unique people stats have jumped up 250%, my page sights have had an analogous raise and gross sales are steadily bettering daily. You cant ask for more than that. The procedures offered earlier mentioned are not really quite challenging to try and do in the slightest degree, if you consider it. They are doing have to have a small amount of your time, effort and hard work and an action prepare in your section to insure achievement. Use the following pointers for all of your current affiliate marketing and advertising products, and you'll end up having an excellent supply of steady income and make your way quickly With this company.

[maryxglz]

Emotion, thy name is #RADAHamlet 

by Kerstin - September 17, 2017

It has only been a bit over six weeks that the Royal Academy of Dramatic Arts (RADA) in cooperation with Kenneth Branagh Theatre Company (KBTC) announced there was going to be a Hamlet production on show in September 2017, directed by RADA president Sir Kenneth Branagh and with RADA alumnus Tom Hiddleston playing the lead.

Now, halfway through the run, when googling “RADA Hamlet” for the period of time since its announcement, a roundabout 600 hits come up, equaling 100 a week. Few, one might say. But let’s consider the facts: the short three-week run of this production takes place at the RADA Jerwood Vanbrugh Theatre, seating no more than 160 patrons. In total, not even 3,500 tickets were available via lottery, a system that was heavily criticized by some but was, hands down, going to be the fairest option. Little promotional activity in public and no designated press night make for a rather unassuming event in terms of commercial publicity. That’s likely to be owed to the circumstance that the production is primarily serving as a fundraiser in aid for the RADA Attenborough Campaign. As such, it is aiming to help improve the RADA facilities in Chenies Street for their students, providing on-site accommodation, an enhanced library and archive and a bigger theatre seating 250.

“I believe Shakespeare and RADA are very good things. This production celebrates both. We bring actors, writers, directors and technicians from last year’s KBTC Garrick season, and team them with RADA graduates past and present, together with artists from the larger creative world to explore Shakespeare’s Hamlet.” – Kenneth Branagh on RADA | KBTC Hamlet

Having been lucky enough to win a lottery ticket to one of the 21 public performances, I had been following the reports and sparse number of reviews on the first few nights and I was pretty sure I had a good idea of what was lying ahead of me. Upon entering the auditorium, though, it became clear to me right away that it was going to be an even cosier affair than I had expected. The audience is sat level with the stage on three sides, the actors performing just an arm’s length away from the front row. An upright piano, strategically placed centre stage and subtly demanding attention, immediately conveys the close proximity of the events to follow.

When everybody is settled and the room goes dark, a silhouette darts to the piano, sitting down. It’s Hamlet (Tom Hiddleston), as the lights reveal, and already on first glance it is noticeable, even before the first note, that he’s deeply grieved. An initial impression that in the blink of an eye is being amplified to off-the-chart heights, when Hamlet starts to softly play and sing a touching song – Ophelia’s And Will He Not Come Again – for his deceased father. Teary-eyed and with a shaky voice Hamlet is mourning, remembering, possibly self-soothing. It’s in that very first minute of the performance that the tone of the entire play is set: emotional, intimate, intense. The audience is drawn in right from the start, frozen in their seats as not to cause any disruption. The choice to begin the play that way feels bold. Bold and deeply impactful.

What follows then are two hours and 45 minutes of raw, sitting-on-the-edge-of-your-seat emotion. Hiddleston’s Hamlet struggles with grief, anger, betrayal and a thirst for revenge like all Hamlets do, but his sadness and vulnerability mixed with occasional, terrifying bouts of rage, and a little bit of fun and play, make for a well-rounded character that seems very real. I couldn’t help but sympathise with him, even when he makes questionable decisions, because I felt like I had been made to understand his motives driven by all-consuming inner turmoil. Hiddleston’s ability to make Shakespeare’s words flow naturally surely contribute a great deal to Hamlet’s authenticity, too.

The intimate set-up, the close proximity of the events unfolding make the audience part of the journey. An impression that’s being intensified when Tom Hiddleston during his soliloquies seems to deliberately address the theatregoers. Admittedly, the moment he acknowledges the audience, it feels like he is giving a speech more than he is talking to himself. But on the other hand, the whole set-up of Branagh’s production makes the audience feel like participants rather than just observers to begin with, and the fact that Hamlet involves them in that way could be interpreted as sealing their status as confidants. It’s a matter of preference, I suppose, but this much is certain: Hiddleston fills the room with his presence during these monologues, capturing the audience with seeming ease, expertly guiding them through Hamlet’s emotional turbulence – before he blends right back in with the ensemble reemerging on the stage. All actors in this play are fabulously level with each other in what feels like an intense match of tennis. Aptly illustrated at times by the characters being found on opposite ends of the court, the patrons sat on the side made to look back and forth between their skilled playing off each other.

Emotionality, to me, is the keyword to describe this production. The play is utterly immersive and the performances across the board are strong. King Hamlet’s ghost appearing to the young prince sent a chill up and down my spine. Hamlet yelling and rampaging in anger made me duck in my seat to get out of harm’s way. Ophelia swirling around the room having gone mad had me hold my breath with consternation. The shift of energy and aggressiveness in the Hamlet/Laertes brawl shortly before the big duel were so palpable, my pulse was speeding up, my body put on alert. And the many tears Hamlet sheds all throughout the play put a lump in my throat more than once, making my eyes brim with tears of my own.

Mercifully, there are lighter moments, too, joy and laughter the audience embraces whole-heartedly. Particularly Polonius was given several moments of comic relief – which Sean Foley delivered straight to the point – as was Hamlet himself. Although in the case of the latter, these moments held a certain kind of bitterness to me since the underlying sadness and anger never fully disappear, even when Hamlet puts on a facade to the outside world. A subtle and credible facade, at that. He doesn’t go over the top mad but simply acts strange enough for people to wonder about his state of mind.

On the flip side, Ophelia’s (Kathryn Wilder) state of mind is renownedly of nobody’s concern most of the time, but her portrayal in this production is intriguing. Despite the predetermined course of the play, it doesn’t seem like she fades away between the conflicting priorities of her father and Hamlet. She appears strong and proactive despite or maybe in defiance of the hurt and humiliation she endures. Wilder’s performance, particularly but not exclusively when Ophelia has gone mad, is meaningful and stirring.

The ensemble of ten is a solid unit and the fact that some of the actors are playing two or three roles is in principle not a problem, even if a slightly more pronounced difference in costumes would have helped to emphasise the multiple roles. I suppose that for somebody who has little prior knowledge of the play, it may be slightly difficult to follow at times. That said, Ansu Kabia in his triple performance as King Hamlet, Player King and Gravedigger is truly impressive in his versatility. It took me a long time to realise that he is both, the graying ghost of the King and the upbeat gravedigger hilariously jamming to his own tunes on the grave site.

The stage design is sparse but effective, mostly just using props like a couch or a desk to hint at the different settings. Lighting and sound accentuate the main themes, like Hamlet’s soliloquies, and choral music at the end accompanies Hamlet’s exit as he is being carried off the stage by the ensemble in a procession down the aisle of the auditorium, passing by the audience one last time.

The bows seemed slightly rushed for reasons unknown. Caroline Martin as Horatia delivers a truly moving last recital upon the bloodshed and when the lights come back on right after, she just barely manages to wipe away her tears before the first bow. Personally, I didn’t feel like I had made my way back to the present yet, when the actors were already leaving the stage. But one way or another, the standing ovations have surely given the cast an idea of how much the audience enjoyed the performance.

“The play speaks as loudly as ever to our volatile world and we are proud to have Tom Hiddleston lead an exciting group of actors, as he plays the title role for the first time. This work has been in discussion and planning over a period of years. To find its expression at, with, and for RADA, is a privilege.” – Kenneth Branagh on RADA | KBTC Hamlet

I wish we had gotten more insight into the production than just the press release and short programme introductions. A full on interview, for example, or maybe just little behind the scenes statements on the RADA Website. It would have been interesting to find out more about the team’s working process. Was it always going to be Hamlet or did they discuss other options? How did the contemporary setting come about? What was Branagh’s objective? How did the actors approach their roles and has their understanding of their characters changed in any way? The list could go on.

“The actor playing Hamlet really has to bring themselves to the role […] It seems to me that it’s an amazingly open role and the actor is asked to think about fathers and mothers, and revenge and friendship and sex and mortality and philosophy, and all of those things. It’s just the most heart-attack poetry around.” – Tom Hiddleston to Flicks and the City in 2013

In our very short chance encounter, Tom Hiddleston would casually attribute the performance to “blood, sweat and tears” – in both a metaphorical and a true sense, I suppose. Having talked to a few theatregoers after the play, I would say it is hard work that absolutely pays off. We were collectively left in awe and struggling to find the right words. It was only when I was reading through the programme later, that I found a quote by Lolita Chakrabarti – who was wonderfully expressive in her portrayal of the ambiguous Queen Gertrude – that seemed to perfectly summarise what I felt was truly the foundation of this production:

“A monumental work of art such as this can become the property of the learned, owned by those who ‘understand’ it, but Hamlet is a play to be seen, heard and felt. The words are beautifully crafted but the play’s true power is in its exchange with the audience and how it makes them feel.”

Hamlet Jerwood Vanbrugh Theatre, Malet Street, London, WC1E 7JN 01 – 23 September 2017

[s7uttyangel]

Article: Idea Management For Creating Success

A great deal of business managers wants to promote their employees to come with ideas regarding how to make the business a better office in addition to thoughts on new or modified products to have the ability to sell more. Using the ideas come from the employees you won't just get thoughts from the specialists but also have the workers work harder because they feel they are a part of their decisions in the business. 

The reasoning about that is extremely straight forward and it isn't tough to recognize that this means success in the simple world. There are a couple of things to consider before giving the chance to the personnel to provide ideas. 

1. Why do you need ideas in the employees and in what areas? It's easy to decide that you wish ideas from the staff but not necessarily very easy to act on the thoughts you get. There are likely more firms around the world which have been implementing thought management without acting on them than the other way round. By giving the chance without acting on it is going to discourage the employees and cause them to produce less in their everyday work.

It's necessary to create a plan before you allow the personnel hand in thoughts. Some questions that should be answered are: 

* What area/s do we need ideas about? 

* Why do we want thoughts (purpose is always extremely important to consider )? 

* Do we have a deadline for when the ideas should be given in?

* What should we do with the effective ideas and if we award the contributors? * How should we handle the"bad" thoughts without making the employees unmotivated? 

* Who must prioritize the ideas and who must decide which thoughts are good for the business? 

2. How do you wish to get ideas? Some people today use a letterbox to collect thoughts and some people today use an idea management program. Whatever method you decide to use it's important to understand that you'll need some sort of system to organize the ideas and to prioritize them. Whether that's a suitable idea management applications or simply Excel is depending on a great deal of variables, but also many businesses lose the thoughts they get rather than seem to find them. 

3. How often do you go through the notions? You want to go through new ideas and prioritize them every now and then. Additionally it is important to get rid of old thoughts or at least be sure the"bad" thoughts aren't combined with the good ideas in order to have focus on the ideal ideas. A good deal of systems allow making your own views. This way you can create a view to just have the high prioritized ideas visible. 

4. How can you implement the ideas? So, you've decided that you need to act on a few of those ideas that's now on top priority at the idea management program. So, how can you currently implement this the best approach? It's important to comprehend the psychological effects of idea management. The energy somebody can give if he/she could be a part of executing their own idea is invaluable for your own organization. Additionally, there are psychological effects to take into account regarding not involving somebody who came with a fantastic idea, the way to take care of bad thoughts, etc.. 

You don't need to make bad energy from something which ought to be positive. One could probably write a book about what to consider around idea management. If you decide to begin receiving ideas from the employees it's always a good idea to start small. Maybe you can have thoughts about what activities to do to your next company event or maybe some new functionality for the next version of your product. 

This way you'll have the ability to understand what to think about and how notion management should work in your business. Insert the ideas to a idea management software to begin understanding how some technical system can assist you in the procedure. Another previous point is to see that idea management takes some time though it often gives a whole lot more than it requires. 

You must set aside time for some individuals to control the idea management process. Mattias Lind is CEO in Buissy.com Ltd, The B2B Market Place for Business Software that includes business software for numerous categories and gives the possibility for buyers to locate applications and compare software that suits their business the best. 

Writing a Book - How to Come Up With a Great Idea

Ideas are everywhere. All it really takes to have an idea would be to open one's mind to the possibilities. All it takes is to look around you and listen to what's going on in the world.

Of course, that will not help if you will need to write your next book!

It might be true that your next good idea is just sitting out there. That all you've got to do is listen to the muse. But that does not really help when you are up against the hard wall of writing a book. It does not take away the shakes. Plus it doesn't create that blank screen on the computer suddenly fill up with words.

So how do you think of a excellent idea?

In this report, I will give you a 7-step procedure for finding a excellent idea when writing a book. It works well once you don't have anything else. And it works nicely to cross check ideas you develop on your own. However, the best way to get ideas is just to pluck them from the ether. That is right to keep your mind open and look for ideas as you proceed through your usual day. To assist you with that, keep a little notebook with you. Dollar stores sell a replica of the Moleskine notebooks for about two bucks. Or of course, you can always get a real one for much more. Regardless, these are fantastic for recording your thoughts as they occur. You may also try carrying a small MP3 recorder. You'll realize that these ideas are far better than anything you can force.

However, I will focus the on coming up with an idea if you don't have one.

1. Start with what you know already

It is always easiest to make ideas for writing a book around what you know. After all, you can take the idea down to details without needing to do some research. Create a list of ideas on a huge piece of paper.

2. Start with what you like

There is an old saying that life is too short to do things you despise. Writing a book is like that. And if it is really something you hate, you are not likely to be prosperous in writing. Even writing an eBook on a subject you dislike could be setting yourself up for failure. On a large piece of paper, create a list of thoughts based on what you love to do.

3. Check with Amazon

Amazon has a menu of different topics on its own book pages. Each of those categories breaks down further into yet more classes. Spend some time looking through them. Pick ones you prefer and add them onto a large piece of paper.  Insert the thought to the paper.

4. Check with Google

Google has a product called Insights for Search. On the item is a list of classes. Google uses those classes to organize its own searches. Each class divides into smaller and smaller classes. Use the categories in precisely the exact same manner as you used the Amazon categories. Place any thoughts you get or groups you prefer on a large sheet of paper.

5. Ask the journalists questions

On a large piece of paper write down the journalists' six"W"s. These are "Who?" , "What?" , "Where?" , "When?" , "Why?" and "How?" .

6. Let your brainwork brew

Get a nice quite room. You will need a chair and a desk to write on. It helps if the room is comfortable. Tape the pieces of paper onto a blank wall. Then grab a notepad, a pencil and a tea (if you wish). Let your thoughts brew through the ideas you've got. Are there any links? Does one of those"W"s and your other thoughts combine to create a terrific idea? As you see ideas and connections write them down to the mat. Use diagrams to connect ideas. Most of all relax. You can not force the procedure. Your mind will naturally make the links to create thoughts -- if you allow it.

7. Check your ideas

As soon as you've completed brainstorming ideas (which is exactly what you did in step 6), you must have a list of ideas. Some will be useful. Some will be bad. Some could even be great. But to find the great out you will need to get rid of the bad. Or more correctly, the ideas that nobody else thinks is worthwhile. Take your ideas and try them against the Google AdWords Keyword tool and the Insight tool you used in step 4. If no one is looking for your thought, maybe it was not so good after all. On the other hand, an unpopular idea may direct you to a solid idea. So be open to fresh topics for writing a book about.

[esqreverblog]

A short film about a middle schooler whose heart literally leaps from his chest over a crush on another boy captivated the world last week, racking up more than 10 million views on YouTube in less than 72 hours. It’s been a wild few days for filmmakers Beth David and Esteban Bravo, who brought the idea from pitch to viral sensation over a span of 18 months. Both believe this sudden success stems from the personal significance of the story to each of the out creators’ lives.

In a Heartbeat resulted from the collaboration of two Catholic school graduates, one a lesbian from Ohio and the other a gay man from Mexico City, who ended up studying at the same Florida digital animation program. “It’s the kind of story we wish we had seen growing up,” says David. “A lot of the underlying feelings of fear and guilt that our main character goes through, it’s a very personal story.”

It’s also a significant amount of ground to cover over four minutes of cartoon video, but rave reviews from around the globe show David and Bravo managed to convey the complex sentiments into a condensed number of frames. Since being posted, as of this writing, the video has had more than 21 million plays. The filmmakers talked to The Advocate about the process of making the micro-masterpiece.

The seed of an idea came in 2015 as the filmmakers prepared thesis pitches while studying digital animation at the Ringling College of Art & Design. The two at that point were still working with another student, Hannah Lee, who came up with idea of a young boy with a crush whose heart literally leaps out of his chest. The filmmaking team presented a pitch, initially involving the boy chasing after a girl he liked, but advisers rejected the concept. Lee set out on her own with a different concept (which turned out fine, by the way) but David and Bravo still saw potential in the uncontrollable heart.

The two suddenly found a new direction to the story with a simple tweak. What if the main character pined for the most popular kid in school — another boy. Suddenly, protagonist Sherwin would feel a yearning he didn’t understand for handsome Jonathan, a boy who offered no promise of reciprocation. This time, the pitch got a green light from advisers.

This angle made the story much more personal to the filmmakers, who mined their own feelings and personal experiences to flesh out Sherwin’s character. “We would open up to each other and talk about what it was like to be LGBT,” Bravo recalls. “There wasn’t any situation for me, thank God, where I would be exposed before I was able to accept being gay even to myself, which is what the main character faces, but I know the terror I would have felt.”

The filmmakers sketched the characters, establishing ages of 13 and 14 for Sherwin and Jonathan, a time in life when crushes grow the most intense, David says. The two would wear uniforms reminiscent of those that filled the classrooms at the Catholic schools Bravo and David attended in their youth. The filmmakers traveled to Mother of Mercy High School in Cincinnati, which David attended, taking pictures to reference while developing the setting. “The front entryway in the film is more or less the front entryway of my high school,” David says.

Bravo says for the school building, the Gothic structure needed to appear especially classic and daunting. “We wanted to school to feel like it came from an older era, to represent a past thinking,” he says. This wouldn’t be a welcoming environment for a gay kid. Bravo didn’t want the film to read like a condemnation of private Catholic schools and never recalled outright homophobia taught in the classroom when he grew up. Rather, he recalls homosexuality being so taboo no one discussed it at all. In a film with no dialogue, the regressive atmosphere would inform Sherwin’s confusion.

With characters and a setting in place, the pair storyboarded the project, earning periodic approval from faculty advisers. They developed beat boards to show the major emotional points of the film. The two completed a rough animatic in May 2016 that first brought the characters into motion.

By the time the film needed a score, David and Bravo knew they had something special on their hands. While Ringling undergrads often work with a group of available composers used to collaborating with student filmmakers, Bravo and David elected to hire a veteran with experience on much larger projects. The two became enamored of the music of Arturo Cardelús, who scored the Netflix series Call Me Francis. David says she contacted the composer in Los Angeles and sent the animatic. “We didn’t think we’d get a hold of him,” David recalls. “No one at Ringling had approached him before, but we got in touch with him and he was excited about the film.” He agreed to take the job.

David and Bravo set up a Kickstarter page to raise the money to hire the composer and a sound designer. If they met a $3,000 goal, they could cover the $2,200 fee for Cardelús with another $800 to pay for a sound designer. In a video for the crowdsourcing effort, they announced a lofty stretch goal of $5,000, which would cover the cost of a live studio ensemble. In less than 30 days, the campaign raised $14,191.

With Cardelús officially hired around December, the two students devoted virtually every waking hour to completing In a Heartbeat, now conscious that at least 104 Kickstarter backers anticipated the final product. The filmmakers and composer sent notes and video back and forth. Bravo says the short doubled in length as it evolved from animatic to fully formed film. “We needed more character moments to humanize the characters,” he says. “We need to give as much time as the film needed to breathe in the right moments.”

Bravo won’t even guess the number of manhours that went into the film, which clocks in at four minutes and five seconds with credits. Ultimately, the students submitted the final film for approval in April. Faculty accepted the thesis, and the film was included in a Best of Ringling showcase for 2017.

David and Bravo graduated from the school in May and now live on opposite coasts. David took a job in Los Angeles at JibJab Bros. Studios, where she works on the children’s show Ask the Storybots. Bravo isn’t sure what his own future holds. As an international worker, he still needs to figure out his visa situation before plotting his future in the United States.

But both filmmakers say In a Heartbeat won’t be their last collaboration. “We enjoyed working on this project and would like to take things further,” David says. And Bravo jokes that surviving the intense filmmaking processes validates their creative synergy. “We lived in the same apartment, went to eat at the same places, worked together on something for a year and a half,” he says, “and we didn’t want to kill each other.”

For a moment right now, they relish the attention heaped on In a Heartbeat. “The two of us do think one of the reasons why a lot of people in the LGBT community are responding and connecting to it is because of our perspective, and that we really draw from a personal place and portray it in a genuine way,” David says.

Bravo relishes that the film has found an audience among gay and straight viewers alike. “For those LGBT people who see it, we just want them to know they are not alone,” Bravo says, “and that other people feel the same way, and we just want people to love themselves for who they are. For people who are not LGBT, hopefully it will help them understand a little better that just as you don’t have control over who you have a crush on, that’s exactly the way somebody else who is LGBT would feel.”

[printintheuk]

Business cards

Every business person should have business cards because they are an essential tool to help sharing contact details about the company they own or represent. Business cards must include your brand guidelines (logo, specific colours, fonts, the specific location of your logo on the business card, not to mention specific spacing between the lines and if you want to get into more details, they could include a specific length of the lines)

Usually, business cards are exchanged during formal introductions as a convenience and a memory aid, but they are not limited to that and if you feel like sharing a discount with your customers to encourage them to place another order you can send a business card with a discount on their parcel.

The standard range of business cards is 85mm x 55mm printed onto 450gsm Silk FSC card, but we are not limited to that: we can supply business cards printed onto 350gsm Uncoated (so you can easily write on them if they are used as appointment cards or loyalty cards), but we don’t do cards any thinner than that. Size-wise we can do rectangle shape @ 85mm x 55mm, square shape @ 55mm x 55mm or we can do folded business cards @ 85mm x 55mm when folded and can be creased on the long or short edge.

You can opt for a gloss finish by adding a gloss lam onto them. We can also do a matt finish by adding either matt lam or soft-touch lamination.  We can supply business cards with rounded corners, too.

Because we love to provide well-made supplies, we have improved the factory with a precision cut guillotine that helps us cut straight business cards and not only that. The designer’s job is to provide the artwork including bleed and the contact details inside the safe area. Their job is also to provide a design that is eye-catchy that will be worn with pride by the customer. Believe it or not, a salesperson that has business cards with a design they wear with pride will make more sales than one that doesn’t.

Business cards are very important as they will make the first impression when you have a business meeting. We strongly believe we can help you achieve it, so when creating the logo for your business, we invite you to be an active part of the creation process. When printed, your logo must be seen as the icon of an amazing company that can supply the best quality service. If you are interested in purchasing a logo please get in touch with us. Business cards do enhance credibility as they create a sense of professionalism and legitimacy for your business and it is important to have the right design, to be remembered and leave a good impression on your potential customer.

You can order business cards from almost everywhere, but when you do, you have to keep in mind a few details before placing an order:

-          Have you read their reviews on Social Media or Google?

It is really important to check a business’s reviews so you get an idea what the customers are saying and if the company cared to respond to their problems or solve them. But keep in mind there are limitations too, I mean what if the customer didn’t even want to respond to them anymore? Make an average of the ratings and if the result is high enough for your standards, then go for it, not before you add to count the below

-          Did you feel they know what they are doing?

So, you decided to get in touch with a printing company. What was your first impression? Were they happy to help or did you get stuck on bureaucracy or rules that are fishy just to get the order in? Were they able to give you the information you needed? Were they clear about their rules for you to get an order without losing too much time or put in too much effort? It is about the quality of service you receive as a customer, isn’t it? You are looking for a product or service somebody is offering, but you feel like something is holding you off? Then, move on to another company that can do the same service. Look, get informed, compare, choose.

At Print in the Uk we are always happy to help you with your enquiries, giving you solutions and other views on our products and services without ripping you off. We do decent prices for the quality of services and we always have a smile on our faces when you talk to us. Having 12 years of experience, we are more than happy to accept our next challenge.

-          How quickly can they turnaround an order?

To produce an order of business cards, for example, most companies are turning around in 3-5 working days from the moment everything is in place (artwork approved for print and payment confirmed). Print in the Uk can do it next day if needed (at an extra cost) or if you are placing a normal timed order, you will have your order in 2 working days delivered to your door.

-          Do they have any pictures of their work on social media with previous orders? (this is just to compare the colours on a digital proof and printed material, just in case)

If you couldn’t find anything there, then you could ask for previous work done, as an example so you can actually make an idea of their work.

At Print in the Uk, we are proud of our projects and happy to share the information with our customers. Our knowledge allows us to supply the highest quality printed products, therefore if you feel like checking upon us, please feel free to do so.

-          How much time will you spend to place the order?

If you decide to use a company you have found and it seems to be alright, then make sure you know what to expect. If the conversations are slow, then we believe it is time to move on to the next company on the list. We respond to emails in max 30 minutes after receipt of your email during working hours. Usually, it takes a few minutes and that is because we love what we do and we do it right. Placing an order with Print in the Uk is really easy. You can use either social media platforms for an instant response or our email: sales@printintheuk.co.uk. Designs will be sent over the same day or early next following working day. We strongly advise you to check the information written on your digital proof and if there is anything should you want to be changed, then let us know and we will issue another proof to be checked. Prior to placing the order with us, usually takes 1 day, the delivery will happen in max 2 working days from artwork approval and order confirmation (payment)

-          Does the company you choose use templates or do they make a tailored, unique design just for your business?

Think about it, would you be up to create your own business cards or flyers yourself instead of letting it with a professional that has the experience necessary to give you the final product professionally made for you? If you still want to do it yourself, you need to know you will lose a lot of time, firstly choosing a template that you like and them putting on the information, then if you wish to change anything it will take like forever. There are a lot of companies out there that are offering this automation, but are you really up to doing it?  Is it suitable for you? What if, your competitors will use the very same template as you? How would that make you feel, knowing that somebody else has the same design as you, only the contact information changed? Think of this: everybody is different, like every business itself. Why choose Print in the Uk? Because we do it for you! Simple easy and unique, until you are happy to go ahead and print it, without the worry of adding charges to your bill.

Print in the Uk is one of the most used companies for business cards, custom made paper bags, tailor-made diaries, banners, design and all adjacent supplies.

Get in touch today  

0754 6633846

Mims

[webart-studio]

How Utilizing People And Chatbots Collectively Generated 182% Extra Certified Leads

Prospect expectations for companies have by no means been greater — the truth is, in accordance with Google, 61% of individuals now count on manufacturers to ship personalised experiences. 

On the identical time, the quantity of people that wish to attain a enterprise by messaging continues to rise. Which implies maintaining on chat could be powerful, even for well-trained groups.

At HubSpot, we felt the brunt of that ache in early 2018. We’ve got a selected gross sales staff that handles chatting with folks on our web site. On the time, we might been utilizing reside chat throughout most of HubSpot.com to interact with prospects in a manner that felt pure.

Sadly, gross sales management started noticing we had been dropping out on useful, high-intent prospects who had been trying to achieve us through reside chat. We merely did not have a assured manner of guaranteeing their wants had been addressed by a member of our staff — which meant we had been dropping out on potential gross sales, massive time.

When my advertising staff at HubSpot linked with the gross sales staff to debate the difficulty, we acknowledged reside chat alone now not suited our wants. To appropriately talk with every prospect and create that extremely personalised expertise our web site guests crave, we would have liked to scale our gross sales staff’s productiveness with a chatbot.

Right here, we’ll discover why we determined to construct a chatbot, how we designed the expertise, and why it may be an excellent answer to your personal enterprise in 2019 — and past.

Why Stay Chat Did not Work For Us

When the reside chat gross sales staff reached out to us, we knew we would have liked to make the staff extra environment friendly.

Stay chat in-and-of-itself wasn’t an issue — however, sadly, we weren’t tailoring the conversations to the customer and their issues. We knew sifting by each customer’s inquiry was the precise factor to do, because it helped remedy for the shopper and reply any prospect’s questions. However, since all of them fell below the identical bucket, it turned more and more tough for the gross sales staff to maintain up. And for almost all of people that did not go away us with a approach to get again in contact, they had been gone ceaselessly.

At one level, over a 3rd of the individuals who chatted with us by no means heard something again.

Moreover, a whole bunch of the chats we acquired every month had been from customers who merely wanted product assist. This ate a part of our gross sales staff’s useful bandwidth, making it more durable for them to get in contact with web site guests who truly wanted to talk with a gross sales rep.

Finally, this poor expertise added pointless friction for our web site guests and gross sales reps.

Why We Determined to Construct a Chatbot

After some inside dialogue, we got down to construct a chatbot that may have interaction with guests, triage them, and get them to the precise place, sooner. This might be a win-win for each guests to our web site, and the gross sales staff.

To determine what this chatbot ought to do, we first checked out reside chat transcripts. They’re a useful useful resource when doing conversational advertising, since you possibly can hear within the prospect’s personal phrases what they wish to do. There are technical methods to categorise chats (like pure language processing), however a qualitative method is ok to start out.

We then bucketed intents from reside chat into three buckets — gross sales, assist, and a catch-all “different”. To begin the chatbot, we prompted folks to pick out the subject that finest matched their intent.

After talking with our assist staff, we realized that getting technical assist with a product whereas on the web site could be difficult. There are wealthy and thorough assets better-suited for getting these sorts of solutions. So, relatively than conserving somebody within the chatbot, we used what we learn about them within the CRM to level them in the precise course. The chatbot would have a look at their contact report, after which serve up a contextual internet web page relying on the merchandise they had been utilizing.

Regardless that our prospects could not join with a human immediately, we set them up for higher long-term success.

Subsequent, we acknowledged a big proportion of the individuals who interacted with reside chat did, the truth is, wish to discuss to our gross sales staff. However that did not imply making an attempt to attach them to a human immediately was environment friendly for both group.

We interviewed and noticed the gross sales staff to grasp their expertise with chat. Straight away, we seen every gross sales rep wanted to know three key info in regards to the consumer to tailor the dialog to their enterprise — title, electronic mail, and web site.

The gross sales staff mentioned in an excellent world, they needed this context earlier than chatting with a prospect — a problem we knew a chatbot might remedy. We programmed the chatbot to gather this info in a pure, contextual manner.

Moreover, we knew a prospect would change into pissed off in the event that they wanted to repeat themselves — the truth is, NewVoiceMedia discovered it to be the most irritating side of buyer expertise. To fight this difficulty, we once more checked the CRM, and for those who’d ever stuffed out a HubSpot type, we might skip the questions altogether.

Gathering this info up-front enabled the gross sales staff to spend extra time promoting, and fewer time chasing down electronic mail addresses.

Our Outcomes

Firstly of this venture, our primary objective was to deflect support-related chats away from our gross sales staff. However, at the same time as somebody who has been constructing chatbots for nearly 4 years, I am going to admit — what we noticed was surprising.

When in comparison with reside chat, 75% extra folks engaged with the chatbot.

Moreover, over 55% of individuals gave actual solutions to the essential qualifying questions and reached a human. Whereas the drop-off there could appear steep, sifting out low-intent folks proved extremely useful for the gross sales staff.

Finally, our chatbot’s success got here in just a few methods — first, the chatbot anticipated the subsequent step of the dialog and used fast replies to drive a customer ahead. Opening up a chat and clicking a contextual button has much less friction than typing in a textual content subject — now, folks did not must provide you with the primary message themselves.

It is smart that a number of alternative choices drive extra engagement. Consider it this manner — while you meet somebody new, usually the toughest a part of the dialog is the start, while you’re making an attempt to consider one thing to say. However as soon as the dialog begins rolling, issues change into smoother.

The identical is true for our prospects once they have interaction with a chatbot versus reside chat.

Moreover, 9% of people that chatted with the bot wanted assist assist — we had been capable of deflect these guests away from people in a useful manner, serving up one of the best place to get solutions to their questions rapidly.

It is vital to notice when designing conversations, the toughest and most ignored side is to put in writing like a human. As shoppers, we hardly ever course of in our heads that we wish to “discuss to gross sales”. As a substitute, we solely know we wish to speak about “merchandise I am not but utilizing”. Writing with the “jobs to be completed” in thoughts is a superb philosophy for conversational design.

Takeaways for Your Enterprise

On the finish of the experiment, I’ve discovered just a few takeaways that may show you how to and your online business succeed, as nicely.

First, chatbots are an incredible alternative to fulfill your guests the place they’re. If you wish to get began with a chatbot, have a look at chat transcripts, or interview your gross sales staff to grasp the kinds of questions folks sometimes ask. Bucket these questions into just a few vital classes.

Additionally, it’s vital you and your staff assume by and anticipate the easiest way to assist these varied buckets of individuals. The extra you possibly can personalize — maybe by your CRM — the higher.

Finally, utilizing a chatbot to get folks the assistance they want is a large win for each your prospects and your online business. In our case, web site guests now had one of the best assets for his or her assist points, and our gross sales staff was capable of seize extra certified leads.

One of the best half? Either side did this in a frictionless, environment friendly manner.

(function() { var _fbq = window._fbq || (window._fbq = []); if (!_fbq.loaded) { var fbds = document.createElement('script'); fbds.async = true; fbds.src = "http://connect.facebook.net/en_US/fbds.js"; var s = document.getElementsByTagName('script')[0]; s.parentNode.insertBefore(fbds, s); _fbq.loaded = true; } _fbq.push(['addPixelId', '770933992942418']); })(); window._fbq = window._fbq || []; window._fbq.push(['track', 'PixelInitialized', {}]); Supply hyperlink

source https://webart-studio.com/how-utilizing-people-and-chatbots-collectively-generated-182-extra-certified-leads/

[blamsart]

So very last second I know, I barely managed this one in time

Warning: There are lot of image credits I could give out, but due to the sheer amount, if you’re wondering about something in particular you’ll have to ask me.

Warningx2: BIG CHAPTER

Get you some high quality content on this site here folks!

I had a lot of fun with this one, and I worked real hard on it (pulled out them artistic talents). Hope you enjoy!

  Nikolas’ POV

I pressed the confirm button and moments later the white landscape began to change and morph into something with a lot more color.

A waft of salty air brushed past my face and I heard the sounds of critters and birds. It felt a little too real. For a game that can be a little scary. Game overs must hurt like hell if I can feel something like a breeze.

I felt different. Taller…stronger….shirtless?

I looked at my hands, which had black markings traveling alongside my arm, and – well my skin is purple.

Something else feels different…I can’t put my finger on it. But it feels like I might be able to use my astral power here. The game might’ve copied it for my avatar.

I looked up and noticed an information box. It held the basic rules and goals of the game. Turns out the program decided to put me on defense with one other team member, whose code name is Ice Queen.

I think I have a small idea of who that might be, heh.

From what I understand, I have to get to the fortress where my teammate was spawned at before the attack team does. We have to defend it till the day ends. Hopefully time passes faster than in real life, or else this could be a long day.

The info box also elaborated on my special ability. Or more specifically the weapon I could summon. The instructions told me to-

A shrieky laugh suddenly resounded over the sound of a nearby waterfall, followed by a roar and a slight shake of the earth. Like something big had just stomped its foot.

I swerved around, searching for the source as the info box flickered off.

In between the trees I spotted something big, red, and with large pointy teeth.

I gulped.

Nobody told me we had to fight monsters.

What am I saying this is a video game. I’ve played my fair share of rpgs.

I pinched myself and felt the pain in my forearm.

Wonder how much it would hurt to get eaten? Wonder if I’d respawn?

Eh I’m not that keen to jump into a battle.

Just as I was thinking that, the dragon wavered and faded away, like a mirage in a desert.

Sure it might’ve been up there for only a few moments, but it was big enough to be spotted all over the island, I’m sure.

Shoot, did someone go and kill it? Is that why it disappeared? Some people have already adapted pretty quickly. I better do the same.

I have absolutely no idea where to go from here. A map would be wonderfully convenient.

The thought crossed my mind and an info box appeared, with a map on it. Convenient.

“Huh. I’m literally at the other end of where I’m supposed to be.” I grimaced. Hey, maybe I could just short cut through the small body of water.

Huh, guess they can’t show me where the other three volunteers are. Just me and my teammate – well Sal.

I glanced around until I finally caught sight of the tip of the ‘fortress’ I was supposed to reach.

A quick swim! This should be easy peasy.

Oh shit, that’s steep. I’m going to break something trying to get down.

Ah but wait! I’m in a video game aren’t I? I’ve had games where I’d needed to jump from way higher.

Even with my self-applied assurance, I was still hesitant, tapping my feet on the edge and inching closer. I leaned over the edge, wondering if I could just slide down on my ass or something, when the ledge I was leaning over became a mini dirt avalanche and dragged me down with it.

I tumbled down the hill, feeling the scrapes on my skin, and tasting the dirt in my mouth.

My tumble became a free fall, at which point I was way past panicking as I had a clear view of the ground coming to me fast. Head first was probably not going to end well for me.

On instinct I tried to activate my astral power. If only I could just stop time! Gather time to think! Find some away to get the fuck out of this situation.

I felt my power strain, and my surroundings flickered slightly towards the familiar bleak landscape. For a moment I seemed to manage to enter my astral world, my body suddenly falling faster than I was, before I zapped back to it, and hit the ground with a painful crunch.

FUCK

That hurt!

I respawned back to my starting point, my neck and back still remembering with painful reality how they’d just been broken.

Well there’s one thing I can tell the people who made this game. Lower the damn pain level.

I gave my shoulders a roll and glanced at the map again. I think I’m going to go with the long way round.

God that really hurt, jeesus.

I walked down the laid out jungle path. It seemed pretty straight forward…which is why I got a bad feeling. It was too easy. This is a video game…there’s got to be some kind of obstacle. Apart from the painful death I’d just experienced.

“Hey!” Somebody called out. I glanced around as I kept walking, before I spotted someone orange on a rock. Their username offered over their head momentarily. “I’d watch out if I were you, the place is filled with-”

My foot suddenly slipped out from underneath me, a rope tying around my ankle and flipping me upside down in a sharp movement.

“-traps.”

The rope – which was actually a vine from one of the nearby trees – seemed to grow exponentially around my legs and wrists.

In a matter of seconds I was so effectively tied upside down that I couldn’t move any of my limbs. My head was the only one allowed any kind of movement.

Jeesus I’m bad at this game so far.

I nevertheless attempted to struggle against my restraints. I couldn’t summon my weapon or anything to cut these down too. That kind of required my hand to be free.

The other player, most likely from team offense (her name wasn’t Ice queen, and she certainly doesn’t look like one), hopped off from her spot on the rock. Probably to come gloat at the situation.

I tried to lift myself up, but with no luck. How was I going to play the game if I was stuck like this for the entirety of it?

She stopped a few feet away.

“I did warn you. And it was on the map.” She said trying to keep a deadpan face. Her bright eyes were amused though. Well I think. Kind of hard to tell upside down.

“The map wasn’t clear on that.” I gave a slightly embarassed smile. “I know we’re on opposite teams and all, but do you mind helping me out?”

She considered me for a few seconds before nodding. “I can see what I can do.” She took out some thick looking piece of wood (this isn’t easy to decipher upside down! I can’t feel my toes.). She squeezed it and light suddenly erupted from both sides, curling and extending out to form a bow.

She took an arrow from her quiver then, notching it as it lit up as well, and aiming it right at me.

“Woah! That’s a bit extreme! We don’t need to go there! I just died, I don’t want to relive the experience! And it was really painful, my neck still aches. Serious, I fell off that cliff over there. Unstable rocks I wouldn’t go there if I were you. It’s prone to random avalanches, must be in the code…” I rambled off. Doesn’t she have a pocket knife? Or something?

“I know. I saw you slip.” She said with a slight smirk.

“Well that’s humiliating.” I cleared my throat, nearly choking on my saliva as it followed the rules of gravity. “I’m sure there’s a better quicker way-”

“Nope.” She said, and she let go of the arrow.

In the neck!?

At this point my head is just going to roll right off!

After a quick shake off, I headed back towards the path. This time I headed for the trees on the side, from where Firefly had come from.

I weaved through the shrubbery and the hanging vines, extremely glad when the traps all turned out to be on the path. At some point a vine passed through my arm, but I didn’t think much of it. This is a game after all.

It’s when I got stuck in a tree that I started to get annoyed.

Yep. My avatar glitched in a tree.

And that’s another feedback I’ll have to comment on when this ends. I struggled, half of my body outside of the tree, and my legs so glitched I couldn’t feel them. I’ve truly become a tree man. I let my upper half hang loose in exasperation.

“Ok, would not mind another arrow in the neck right now. Doesn’t feel like this glitch is going to fix itself any time soon.” I glanced around a little hopefully, but I was alone.

Shit. I might have to take drastic measures. I willed my info box to appear again and looked for a respawn button. When I was unsuccessful, I went into the tutorial to find out how to summon my weapon.

The black markings on my arms were apparently the key to doing that.

A mini scythe. Guess it goes with the pseudo Reaper the game chose for me. Still…I wish it would’ve been a katana or a sword. That’d be cooler. And easier to handle.

I groaned. There are so many things wrong with my thought process right now.

I can’t believe I have to kill myself to get out of this glitch.

This game is turning dark quickly.

But hey, at least there’s an instant death by poison option on this weapon.

Boring, but the quicker the better I guess.

I respawned again – seriously done with dying – and I was mentally reliving my death again as a mini info box popped up.

Ice Queen built an Ice wall

Sounds like my team mate has been a lot more productive.

I jogged towards the cliff. My first death, such good times.

Unsurprisingly, I didn’t go too close to the edge. I just wanted to get a good look at the icy barrier, not tumble down to my death again.

It was definitely impressive and looked like it would do the job. I might not have to even do anything!

Then again it’s pretty warm out. Wonder how long this ice wall is going to last.

The thought crossed my mind and an info box popped up. Well seems I have two hours before the wall melts.

I eyed the jungle and the path skeptically. Get caught in a trap again…or risk getting glitched again?

My eyes caught on something bright and orange. Wasn’t hard to guess who it was.

She was fun.

From what I could see, she was jogging along a bridge. A bridge that didn’t seem to be glitching. Or filled with traps for that matter. I pulled up my map just to confirm there wasn’t anything wrong with the bridge.

Let’s go see her again.

I started to head through the shrubbery again to reach the bridge, but when my foot went through a rock, I decided this really wouldn’t work. There had to be some other way. Wait! Didn’t I see something…

I pulled up the tutorial for my summoning my weapon again, scrolling past the basics until I found it. Teleporting! I had the ability to throw my scythe somewhere and teleport to it.

On second thought, maybe this would’ve worked better to get me out of that glitch. I’m surprised I skipped past it and went straight to killing…

Bah, there are so little games where you can kill yourself with your own weapon. Can’t pass that up!

I frowned.

Was that-?

I didn’t-?

I did think that, but I didn’t-?

On top of weird masochist thoughts I’m getting a headache now.

I summoned my weapon, aimed and threw it down towards the bridge.

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

I managed to teleport all the way to Sal – er cough – I mean Firefly.

But I mean come on, it’s pretty obvious. I just assumed she’d be Ice Queen, but thinking on it she never liked the nickname so it was probably the other girl. Or one of the guys, who knows?

Maybe that’s why her avatar has a fire theme. The fact that she doesn’t like the term Ice Queen I mean. Blue suits her better than red though.

She was waving at two specs in the distance – the rest of team offense I assume – before she noticed me.

“How did you get here so fast!?”

“I even glitched in a tree before I got here.” I hmphed proudly. “Turns out I can teleport, pretty neat huh?”

“That’s chea-”

Info boxes appeared for both of us with a big flashing warning sign: METEOR

We both looked up to see a big flaming rock going straight for the rest of team offense.

One of the two spread out his hands and a huge stop sign appeared. Somehow assuming the meteor could read.

Unsurprisingly the meteor didn’t care for it. Suprisingly, when the meteor touched it, it just vanished like a mirage. Just like the dragon. It was just an illusion?

Once the first kid’s plan had failed, the other one stepped out, and when he spread out his hands, strings shot out of them.

That was a lot more effective. The strings wove together to form a net that somehow withstood the flaming meteor.

Right, can’t forget this is a video game after all.

The Puppeteer then pulled the strings close to his chest, making the huge net straighten and propell the meteor back up, before they disappeared themselves. The meteor landed in the ocean several miles away.

The two boys cheered, high fived and ran in circles.

I didn’t have much doubt about who they were.

I turned back to Firefly, passing my hand through my hair.

I let out a short laugh. “Now that’s cheating.”

“Shouldn’t be too hard to win with that on my side.” She said with a slight smirk.

“Hey now! Have you seen the wall my teammate made?”

She grew serious. “The sooner this gam-”

The ground completely disappeared underneath us, without any warning info box whatsoever, and swallowed us whole into pure darkness.

The fall lasted about 2 seconds before I felt myself get respawned again.

You know, psychologically, dying over and over again – because my brain sure seems convinced of this – is really horrible. This aspect of the game really needs to be looked over.

I opened up my fancy menu info box again, hoping to find a way to turn off the pain setting. It’s disturbingly obvious how much of a beta version this game is.

I jogged towards the cliff, summoning my weapon as I did.

As I reached it, I noticed a rope had appeared going from the waterfall to the shore, right beside the ice wall. The kid who’d stopped the meteor had created a mini bridge for Sal – I mean Firefly to cross over.

I watched as she hoped off the bridge and onto the strings, sliding down the shortcut her teammate had made for her.

Well I can’t let her reach the shore before I do! I took a step back. Let’s see how far I can throw my scythe… I brought my arm back, and with a huff I threw as hard as I could towards the shore.

Considering the amount of glitching I’d been doing so far, I suppose I’d kind of hoped for my scythe to at least glitch right through the strings.

But nope! It hit the rope straight on and cut it in half, before continuing its journey to shore.

Sal stumbled into free fall.

I panicked. After I got past the oh shit I went straight to fuck, Sal!.

It maybe should’ve occurred to me earlier that technically she’d be fine. She’d respawn like we’d just done and that would be that.

But in the moment I got really scared for her – especially considering she was falling to her death by my fault – and on reflex I tried to switch to my astral mode again.

That got wonky and didn’t work again, and Sal hit the water only to respawn a few moments later.

God, I feel horrible. I really didn’t mean to kill her!

My scythe reached the shore and I teleported to it, still grimacing from guilt.

Ugh, I don’t feel so good.

A strange unease had been creeping on me for the last few moments, leading up to painful headaches again and an uncomfortable squeeze of my chest.

It faded as quickly as it had appeared and I suddenly realized I’d at some point stood up and dismissed my weapon.

The rest of team offense, Chicken boy and Puppeteer, were standing in front of me, holding the strings and looking at me like I’d just killed their dog.

Pssh! Not like a dog dying is that sad.

“You killed them.” Puppeteer said.

“You should be ashamed.” Chicken boy added with a sad shake of his head.

“It’s just a piece of string. We can get you guys a new one at the pet store.” My mouth said condescendingly.

I didn’t say that. I swear I didn’t! I frowned, bringing my hand up to my mouth. The words had come out on their own. Involuntarily. I DIDN’T say them.

Before I could dwell (…panic) any further, a flaming arrow suddenly found itself between my feet, making me jump.

I looked up at the bridge, where a fuming Firefly had her bow still aimed at me.

“I didn’t mean to-” I started to shout at her. My attempt at an apology was cut short-

-by an explosion. The arrow she’d shot at me blew up between my feet, effectively kiling me enough to respawn me.

Okay, so I guess I kind of deserved that – for killing her.

“Oh well played!” I exclaimed – no not me. Who is controlling my mouth right now!? Not just my mouth, my arms, my legs, even my head are moving randomnly! “Let’s go find a creative way to kill her in kind.”

“What the fuck!?” I shouted as the panic built up in my chest. For a moment, I felt like I had complete control again. This game is not funny.

Then I lost control of my limbs again. “Come onnnn, it’s my turn now!”

I tried to shout again, do something that didn’t involve me being only able to look through my own eyes, but I was stuck. Frozen in place while I felt my body move against my will.

There was still something I had control over at least.

I tried flipping on my astral mode and it sort of worked. It was still incredibly wonky, and the headache I got this time made me squint.

My astral form popped (yes popped, it was fucking weird) out of my body and hung in the air like I was swimming in jell-o. I felt a connection to my body, like a rope tying me down. My avatar body continued to move on its own, this time looking deflated.

“Don’t be mad I just want to try things out. Sitting and doing nothing is so damn darn hard! I’ll be nice though.” It said looking down at it’s feet with a shrug.

Just give me back my body already. Whatever kind of game glitch you are. I reached for my avatar and got pulled out of astral mode.

I stood still for several moments. Waiting.

Whatever had happened was over. I still had complete control over my own body. There were no weird thoughts in my head.

Still…I had the odd feeling I wasn’t completely alone. Plus I now had a mild headache that wouldn’t leave.

I heard team offense on the shore and jogged to the cliff in time to see them grouped up and trying to figure out a way to get past the ice wall.

I can’t shake this dreadful feeling of being watched, like something is right behind me, whispering in my ear. Doesn’t matter how many times I look, there’s still nothing. We really need to finish this game.

***

No one’s POV

“What are you doing napping!? You were supposed to watch the monitors!” She sighed and took a sip of her coffee, gravitating towards the screens to watch how their test subjects were faring.

She nearly spit her coffee onto the computers. She picked up an eraser and she chucked it at her superior.

“W-what? What’s going on?” Mr.Hans grumbled as he woke up.

“You were supposed to watch the monitors.” She hissed under her breath.

“I was, I was, I just closed my eyes for a second.”

“You should’ve spotted this from the very beginning.” She snapped.

“Hey, someone’s in the orange.” He mumbled as he gravitated towards the monitors.

“Yes. He’s not faring well. He’s stressed.”

“Who-? Oh!” The man said, suddenly quite interested. “I knew accepting him was a good idea. We’re getting good results now aren’t we.”

“Good resul-something is wrong. The program sent us a message and you missed it. There was a glitch, it found two subjects in one.”

“Two? Multiple personnalities shouldn’t affect the game.” He said. “Oh wait…Could he be one of the ‘special’ Whitelights? Did we hit jackpot?”

“Your reputation isn’t important right now. The game is registering his avatar as glitched, but it can’t fix the problem. His body suffered a panic attack three times and you missed it because you were napping. We need to pull him out now before it gets worse.”

“No!” He exclaimed, grabbing her arm. “No, it’s fine now. See his vitals are stable.”

“Stable as in his stress levels haven’t changed. They’re still at a worrisome level.” She said reaching for the controls again.

“Don’t wake him.” He snapped, radiating that classic intimidating Hans aura. “My family is going to want to see these results.”

She bit her cheek, but did as she was told.

***

Nikolas’ POV

I reached the shore before they’d come up with an effective solution. As I approached I overheard them chatting about maybe slinging one of Puppeteer’s ropes over or using Firefly’s arrows to climb over it.

To be honest even I had no idea how I was going to get through. The thing was huge, thick, strong, and there was still a lot of time before it melted away.

Being on team defense, I should have some kind of special access.

As I got close enough to the wall to touch it, an info box appeared.

No, not an info box, a chat box from my teammate.

Ice Queen: Use your key. It’s meant for the door, but it should work with the wall.

My key? Since when do I have a—

Oh! Of course! The thing around my neck I kept dismissing as a random accessory.

I got closer to the wall, taking the key from my neck and holding it up.

Part of the wall lit up and melted to form a small door. I hurried through just as the others noticed me and the wall closed behind me.

I stuck my tongue out at them as they all crowded to the now once again smooth ice wall.

“Good luck you’re going to need it!”

I blinked and realized I was back on the other side of the wall. Or maybe I’d never gone through the first time? I frowned, another glitch?

Chicken boy started to walk towards me with an eye on the key around my neck, so I quickly used it to pass through the wall again – or I guess for the first time?

It’s once I passed through that I realized I’d been tricked. And by the smirk on the kid’s face I bet he was behind it. His ability was something along the lines of creating an illusion, like that random stop sign.

He’d just made me think I hadn’t gone through the wall, but what I thought was me going through a second time, was actually me leaving the safety of the ice wall.

“We’d like to borrow your key please and thank you.” Chicken boy said as his friend leaned up against his back. A second later strings shot out from his fingers heading straight for me.

Damn I got duped pretty easily. I glanced at Sal who was watching with slight amusement.

Well if we win or they win, the game’s going to finish one or way another. I know when I’m beat.

Just as I was expecting the inevitable loss of my key, my hand came up and summoned my weapon.

  “It’s not going to be THAT easy.” My mouth smirked as the strings wrapped around to restrain me.

My hand brought my scythe up to my neck and I realized what was about to happen.

“Fucking powdered donuts.” Puppeteer said, shaking his head as my own hand slit my throat.

I respawned with absolutely no control over my body again. I couldn’t take being stuck in my brain, so I risked my astral mode again, knowing full well I’d get a headache again after this.

My body let out a nervous sigh and threw its arms around.

“Ahh I know I said I’d play nice, but I did my best, I really did. It’s hard not to want to play.” It said. My astral continued to flicker worriedly.

“I don’t really care.” I said, standing in front of my avatar. “Just, whatever you are, whoever, please leave me alone and go bother someone else. I sure hope this isn’t actually part of the game.”

“I’m assuming you can hear me.” My body stated as if I hadn’t said anything.

Oh. The fact the he can’t hear me and hasn’t established any kind of eye contact…must mean he can’t see me. Just like with anyone else while I’m in astral mode.

“Cause I can hear you when you’re playing. So you can probably hear me. Look, don’t hate me, but I’m going to keep playing okay? Just for a little while.” He declared.

“No, no, I’m not okay with this. Give me back my body.” I insisted fruitlessly. “Or avatar or whatever!”

“Awesome! You’re a great guy I can tell!” He exclaimed and I groaned as I watched him rush for the cliff. “The map said there was a giant shrimp monster in the lake! We gotta go tame it!”

What is this? Is this what the game meant by two avatars? A bug in the game?

How do I reverse this?

“Oh, action seems to be brewing. Firefly’s got the right idea!” Said the being controlling my avatar.

I floated over, peering down at the scene.

Sal was shooting the wall up with explosive arrows…and it was working!

The wall was steadily melting as she shot arrow after arrow, her teammates cheering her on.

“We better go defend the wall!” My avatar exclaimed, summoning the scythe to teleport to shore.

The quicker team offense wins, the quicker this game ends and I get out of this unsettling situation. So, I put all the effort and concentration I had into controlling that arm. Just that arm, so he couldn’t throw the weapon. And it worked! His arm was – I mean my arm was frozen mid swing and my avatar was casting confused glances at it.

“Ok, ok, I get it. We can see how this works out! Our teammate is coming out to help defend anyway!” He exclaimed, and I let go of my control. Good thing he kept his word and because my head was starting to swim and I’d quickly gotten dizzy and disoriented. It had taken everything out of me just to stay in astral mode and control that arm. I didn’t want to turn off my astral mode. I didn’t want to risk being stuck permanently.

Ice Queen left the fortress, a waft of cold leaking out of it before the door shut behind her.

Sal stopped shooting explosive arrows long enough for the smoke to clear and the thinning ice to become apparent.

The two stood still, representing each other’s opposites, and for a moment it seemed like this scene was more than just a game for them. Even though I’m pretty sure they’ve never met. Maybe this was purely based on appearances and avatars.

Ice Queen brought her hand up and summoned her magic, the ice thickening around the wall, fortifying it.

Firefly notched another sparking arrow. She said something I couldn’t hear, which made her teammates whoop with a renewed vigor.

Then she began shooting arrow after arrow again, each explosion seeming bigger than the last, and as the ice melted Ice Queen refroze it.

Being on her team however, I could see her stats going down. She wouldn’t be able to keep fueling the ice wall forever. My guess was Sal probably didn’t have an unlimited amount of ammo too. It was just a matter of who ran out first. Meanwhile, I could set about trying to regain control of this glitch…

“Eek! Our teammate’s in trouble!” My body exclaimed. “We need to go help her!”

“We don’t need to. Sal’s also probably almost out of juice.” I said to thin air. “And I mean, if Ice Queen loses it’s not a bad thing…”

“I’m going to help her out.” My body declared and I went to try and control the arm again, but he must’ve assumed I’d go for it because he summoned the scythe in the other hand and threw it before I could react.

When he teleported to it – I was still on the cliff –  he had the scythe drawn back and ready to strike his opponent down – Firefly.

Nope, nope, nope, killing Sal is not only not reccomended, but extremely counter productive.

I charged at him, made my way over from the cliff in a fraction of a second and clapsed his shoulders and tried to pull him out of my body. I tried to do what I do to Zac when I’m not in a video game. Extract his astral form I guess you could say.

In the real world I kind of need my body to do that, since it casts a spell, but at this point I was ready to try anything to gain back some control.

He lost movement and hit the ground instead.

I had no idea what I was pulling at, or whether this trick really working at all, considering my astral mode was still glitchy and weird – had been from the start. It was clearly not meant to be used inside a video game.

Whatever I was really doing though, seemed to be working. My avatar was immobilized on the ground.

But the game started to glitch. The whole world began shifting or zapping. The other players started to freak out, and I attempted to stop using my astral mode, because clearly the game wasn’t meant to handle it. But I couldn’t, I was stuck mid process trying to remove the glitch from my avatar, with the world about to lag itself into oblivion.

“Oh I’m so excited!”

***

No one’s POV

“The magic levels in the room are rising…and they’re coming from him. This is why we have a rule against supernaturals Hans.” She hissed as her subject’s levels started to spike.

“They said he couldn’t use magic without a wand, and even then it’s weak.”

“I don’t care what they said, he’s trying to use magic right now, with or without a wand.” She snapped.

“His body can’t do it. It can’t channel magic without a wand. Yet, it’s still trying to. This is unbelievable! Look at it, we can see the magic trying to form in the air!”

“Yes and it’s messing with our equipement! We need to terminate this now before something blows up.”

“Nothing is going to blow up.” He scoffed.

She gestured impatiently at the monitors and with a roll of his eyes he set about terminating the program from there, while she went and completed the process on each of the volunteer’s machines, starting with the troublesome subject.

Entering the room felt toxic to her.

She hadn’t been able to see the magical fog forming, only the trained eye could do that, but she could smell magic. And the boy stank of it. Not your normal magic either. This was foul smelling magic, a smell that reminded her of choking on toxic gas.

She reached the machine and started initializing a shut down just as part of the fog concentrated enough to let out a sharp spark of magic. It bounced onto her hands, giving her a temporary electric tingling feeling, and on two of the machines, momentarily shocking the two systems. One of those had been the boy’s machine, the other was the closest, one of the girl’s.

The researcher managed to enter the final commands and shut the over taxed game off. Instantly the magic in the room stilled, and as the woman went to each station to completely electronically unplug everyone, the magic slowly dissipated into the air. The levels in the room were back to normal, now only composed of the artificial magic illegally used in the experiment.

The woman made it back to the Whitelight boy’s side as he slowly opened his eyes. He cast a glance around, before pushing himself up to a sitting position, moving his limbs as if testing if they still worked.

She glanced back at the window, where her superior merely shrugged at her.

“How are you feeling?” She asked him as he got up, his back facing her. “Any headaches? Dizziness? Nauseous? Do you feel tired? Maybe a little drained?” Her hands inched towards him as if expecting him to faint.

She eyed him, waiting an answer.

“I’m great! Thank you.”

      9.53 – Glitch So very last second I know, I barely managed this one in time Warning: There are lot of image credits I could give out, but due to the sheer amount, if you’re wondering about something in particular you’ll have to ask me.

[poptarts-and-rainbows]

Rambling and ranting, or whatever.

So I had some really bad times while I was in the Army- not because of the Army itself, just while I happened to be there (there were some bad times BECAUSE of the Army too, don't get me wrong, but that was mostly the fault of a very few stupid entitled gross men who bordered on sexual predators. The Army itself was mostly very good to me, personally, tho)- and... well, right before I left I found out a couple diagnoses that their therapists had given me without me previously knowing.

One was an adjustment disorder, which I thought was really stupid. Granted, I thought most/all/both/whatever of them were. Still do, sometimes- especially because we all always joked about how crappy military doctors are (seriously tho, who fucking puts on paper what they think is wrong with somebody without telling them?!?? Like, rude god damn awakening when I got my medical records at the end.) But, anyways... I didn't agree.

Sure, I could admit I sometimes didn't handle change as well as possible, but who really does? It's human nature for people to want some freaken consistency in their lives. And, sure, maybe I have some self destructive tendencies (more of a symptom of the Borderline thing that they said was also wrong with me, tho)- and, yeah, I GUESS there were SOME(/many) days I felt like I was actually losing my damn mind, but they JUST SO HAPPENED to coincide with the periods right after I moved duty stations each time (crying at work, hurting myself in various ways and forms, sleeping with people I didn't necessarily actually want to sleep with just so I could feel bad after, holy *extreme* isolation, drinking until I ended up laying on my kitchen floor, afraid I was gonna float away, or off myself for real this/that time, etc.), but they weren't related, right? No way. Absolutely not. Obviously. So, a REAL diagnosis?

I'm still a little mad about it, because I found out alone and so had to process it alone... which, really, that's not new or anything- both from abandonment crap and from learning to do it to myself (I guess that's just abandonment crap tho- people can't leave you if you push them all away or prevent them from getting close in the first place, L-OH-FUCKING-L)(it only counts if I do it by myself, on my own!). So that wasn't really the issue, but it did mean I couldn't argue that I wasn't crazy, even though I probably am- either way, never bought it. Not really. I'm not that bad, right? There are totally crazier people, and they get along just fine. I handle everything pretty ok. I go to work and get shit done. If I was actually totally nuts I wouldn't be able to do that, right? Most people can't even tell, so it isn't that bad! That's what I told myself.

Anyways... I've been out of the Army for a bit now. Two months and some extra days. That's a REALLY major life change, right? I thought it was going pretty well for a while too, to be honest. I drove across the whole country on my own, moved into a new apartment, handled my first real car crisis, built a bed, started eating healthier and drinking more water/less alcohol, registered for school, applied to some jobs...but it's not going well at all.

Nothing feels right. I don't feel ok. I keep smiling and pretending. I say I'm so excited for all of the opportunities I have available to me now- but I want to rip off my skin and tare out my bones and pull out all of my stupid teeth BEcaUsE ThEY DoN'T FrigGIn FIT. I'm so uncomfortable. I hate everything, but not as much as I hate myself. It all feels so bad.

My morals never really aligned with the Army, and maybe I never deserved to be in- there are certain ways I feel that somebody in that sort of organization shouldn't... it could make me dangerous, you know? Technically, anyway. I'm not a typical borderline- part of why I didn't buy that diagnosis at first. I don't split on others often and I internalize almost all of my rage, I usually only want to wreck myself. I would die for almost anybody else- I would never hurt "the mission" besides hurting myself (which I CAN logically understand how that hurts the mission- but I never did things that could affect my ability to do my actual job), but I would do anything for the people I call my friends (some of the people in the Army who I worked with I would have even called my family- I'm loyal to a fault and they were obligated to care about my well being, so I sometimes convinced myself it was genuine, even if they probably didn't really, and I thought I loved them). Really that makes me an asset, right? They should wish more people are as dumb as me. Willing to die for the cause, and all that- who has that sort of blind devotion? But that isn't mentally healthy, or whatever- you're SUPPOSED to have some sort of sense of self preservation. It's a stupid idiot way to be at least, that's for sure.

They didn't make me get out. No matter what they thought/said was wrong with me- they never said I was unfit for duty. The one therapist suggested it- back when... well, you don't rip your own skin open and get to be ok- but I left there before anything could officially be done, and since that problem stopped being a problem that anyone knew, everyone after said it was ok, so... it's not even entirely a bad thing, with the whole war profiteering issues, and what not... the government... god, our government... I can't even get into it, but, no matter what I felt about all of that tho... I still thrived in the structure.

A lot of times I hated that I enjoyed it so much. I'm a fairly aware person, so sometimes I'm upset that I supported what I did, sometimes I got upset WHILE I was supporting what I did, but... I didn't have a lot of structure growing up. I always craved it, and I don't know how to provide it for myself, even when I try. I liked the rules. I liked a lot of it, to be honest. I liked having a uniform, being apart of something, being held accountable by authority figures, being in the suck with other people, and the competativeness- I even liked waking up early and pissing everyone off because I was too cheerful. Plus the benefits (I don't know how to get health insurance yet, lol). It was simple and straight forward, very little area for grey. Even with the sort of imperialism thing, and all of the conservatives, and stupid macho boys... everything is so messy. Nothing is fair.

I still lost it occasionally, true. But it wasn't BECAUSE of the Army. Being in the Army actually kept me mostly in line. There were rules and standards, and I had to be a certain way to keep being a productive member of that world, and I wanted nothing more than to contribute to something. I could tell myself people relied on me. Now it's gone. It's all gone and I'm lost and confused and so SO angry. Not just about that, but everything feels like it's all boiling over, or that I'm burning alive and drowning at the same time.

I didn't fit there, not really, but sometimes I could pretend. I at least could keep busy enough that I forgot how separate I always feel. I don't fit out here either tho, and there is no pretending left, and I'm not busy at all. School doesn't even start for another month, and when it does... it didn't go well the first time I was in college, so idk how this is really going to turn out... but, anyway- there are no lines and no box to put myself in, in the real world. Nobody has to even pretend to care.

I feel like I'm spilling all over, like there are holes all over me and I'm leaking. I just want to go back or to dig into my skin again until my fingers are covered with blood and it hurts to move, but everytime I do it'll remind me I'm here and this is real. I want to scream. I want to beg and cry for somebody to please save me or to choke me, to do SOMETHING I can feel. My head hurts all of the time and I can't stop clenching my teeth. I want to take a thousand pills and never have to wake up again. I want to lash out and hurt the few people who are left around me, because they don't get it- and that isn't fair because I don't get it either and it isn't their fault. I don't want to exist like this, because I am barely existing at all. I just feel threadbare and tired.

I'm losing it, and I'm falling hard and fast. I can see it happening all around me, all the symptoms I've learned to look out for, for when things are starting to get bed again- but I don't have the energy to stop it this time, and that's almost more frustrating than the rest of it. So I just keep quiet and keep smiling, because getting out was my CHOICE and it was supposed to be a good thing- and, maybe if I ignore it, it'll all go away and be ok.

People expect me to make something of myself now. I'm supposedly better than the Army, my bosses even said so- when I started to second guess my decision to get out at the end, they assured me I would be fine and said I could do more, that the Army didn't deserve me- but it was because I worked long hours without having to be asked, I volunteered to do anything, any day, because I couldn't/can't stand to be left alone to my own devices, and now all I have left are my own devices, and I can't. I just can't. I'm not smart. I just rely on external validation, so I did everything in my power to get that from them- but they're gone and I'm alone, and I can't go back. I don't deserve to go back, no matter how much I want to, and I shouldn't even want to, but I miss them. I miss the structure. I miss being able to pretend I belonged, even if I never really did. I need something to hold me together, and there just isn't anything left. I miss my old best friend who I destroyed everything with, because she always held me together, but that was never supposed to be her job, it wasn't fair that I ever asked her to do that, I'm supposed to do that for myself, and now she's gone, and I still miss her so much. It's been so long, and I shouldn't miss her, we weren't even good for each other, but I do. I do so much, and I still love her and would give anything to have her back. She was my favorite person, no matter how many times she hurt me, but her life is better without me in it, and everything is crap. Everything is terrible and I'm going to fall apart. I just don't know what to do anymore.

I want to go home, and I have no home to go to.