#i wish this was a 12 episode season man

[sebbyisland]

i'm gonna be honest I don't care for Lucifer as a Redeemed Father Figure until he explicitly apologizes for being an absent father and also that it's actually acknowledged in the show that this happened and it sucks. He's clearly a man who had mental health challenges that prevented him from being present for his child. He's depressed, he still wears his wedding ring after at least seven years of divorce, he got kicked out of his home and LITERALLY sent to Hell. Even though he never blamed Charlie for any of that, he hurt his daughter. To say that Lilith "separated" him from Charlie takes away his own autonomy and responsibility as a parent. Charlie's mom has been MIA for literally seven years. What was stopping him from reconnecting then? Charlie is in her late 20s at MOST. Who has Charlie had to rely on except Vaggie and some Dinsey princess animal friends for nearly a decade through her young adulthood? Not her father nor her mother.

This isn't all to say Lucifer doesn't love Charlie. Clearly, Charlie reaching to him for help was a needed first step to rekindle a relationship he desperately wanted. However, it's very telling that Charlie waited until she was truly desperate to reach out to Lucifer. She loves her father, but she doesn't trust him, and she shouldn't. It's up to Lucifer from this point on to earn back her trust. Yes, mental health is difficult, and I'm happy that he seems to have realized that his love for Charlie is more important than his destroyed ideals, that there is more in life to appreciate. I'm happy for him and I love how he truly just wants to support Charlie the best he can. But he's still an irresponsible clown, and until that's addressed, I just don't think he gets to have a "Fathering Trying His Best" award. His behavior is realisitc in that most shit parents DO want to just pretend their shit behavior never happened and everything is good now, but it's not fair to their loved ones. It's ESPECIALLY not fair to Charlie.

I know this might not be as important to other fans watching, but I'm just a little dissappointed because I think there was a lot more we can get from the Charlie-Lucifer dynamic that I'm not sure the show will address in the future. Maybe in season 2? Here's to hoping idk.

[rearranging-deck-chairs]

watching good man goes to war and the balls they dropped having 13 grapple with gender feels like an actual physical injury right about now

[isagrimorie]

I finally got to watch The City at the Edge of Forever. It’s such a grand title, and it also has a grand reputation.

Just like Measure of a Man, it’s hard for it to live up to the hype.

In my head it’s a grander time travel, bootstrap paradox story. It’s how most Trek articles on top TOS episodes build it up. How could it not with such a grand title as “City at the Edge of Forever”?

But it’s actually a more personal story.

And, I actually did end up liking it but not because it was grand, but because it’s actually a smaller story. A story about choice, and kindness. And most of all, choosing to be kind— hoping for a brighter future. The one Gene Roddenberry hoped for the future one day.

A post-scarcity world built on people choosing kindness and prosperity for each other. Even before the replicator was ever a twinkle in people’s eyes.

Edith Keeler was this to a Tee. Someone who was immensely curious, forthright, and kind.

This bright future These Old Scientists hinged on Kirk’s decision to save or not save Edith Keeler.

Kirk was still going to try saving Edith but Spock made him hesitate

But Bones bumping into Kirk which shook him into deciding not to save Edith and using Bones as an anchor not to save her. It was a spontaneous decision but also it was not.

It's such a poignant moment, which Strange New World echoed in La'an's season 2 episode, Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow.

The difference is, that Jim had his friends with him to help carry the knowledge about the cost it took Kirk. I wish La'an had someone with her during her episode, to help carry that burden.

But, yeah, time travel to the past should always have a cost, it's what makes things poignant. I kind of get where Terry Matalas got his time travel sensibilities because that's what 12 Monkeys is all about.

[devotioncrater]

"no hints were dropped" ok not to be that person but here are the hints that were dropped regarding Colin and Trent being gay:

1. Colin mentioning Grindr in a joke

2. Trent touching the arm of a man in the background

Here is one of the hints that Keeley was bi (even though I do believe she's been canonically bi since season 1, but not everyone sees it this way)

1. Her desktop background was in the colors of the bisexual flag

Here were some of the hints that Ted was bi:

1. Bisexual flag colored triangles above his head in the hallucination sequence

2. Inverted pink triangle next to him in that same sequence (and you can't tell me the creators didn't know, when the Homomonument is based on that symbol)

3. Countless (countless!!!) comments about men's physiques ("huge muscular thighs all caked in mud", whistling at a picture of Pep, "look at that head of hair", "he's strong", "he looks like a Rodin sculpture in cleats", etc.)

4. About a man (Higgins) and a woman (Rebecca), he had to say: "that's a crowd I don't mind being smack-dab in the middle of"

5. Him checking Trent out in the pub in 2x07 (his eyes are up there, Ted!)

6. "It could go either way", "I contain multitudes" and other comments in this vein

7. Bi lighting as he entered the Yankee Doodle Burger Barn

8. Giving similar looks to the female waitress and the male waiters in that restaurant (including a waiter in a cowboy costume that looked like he belonged in a gay club, who tipped his hat at Ted when greeting him)

9. "That's cause you were put into a box", "That box ceases to exist today", the box in the hallucination sequence breaking into triangles (as in the bi triangles and the inverted pink triangke), "we've been playing too rigid", "our guys need freedom", "fast, fluid, free, with full support", the "box that one needs to break out of" being a prominent motif in season 3

10. Wishing Beard called him pet names ("Honey, is that an ingredient or something you just called me?")

11. His crush on Pep

12. The connection between Ted and Colin: "my whole life is two lives, really", both wearing orange in Sunflowers, "I just want to kiss my fella" (Colin doesn't say "fella" , but Ted says it all the time), Ted just needs to get inspired and Colin's play is "inspirational" after he comes out, as per the commentators

And so much other stuff that, had Ted not self-identified as straight (*cough* put himself into a box *cough cough*) , you could make the case that he was canonically bi.

Here are some of hints that there was a romantic connection between Ted and Trent:

1. They hit a lot of romantic beats, and not in the jokey self-aware way in which Roy and Ted hit them in "Rainbow", but in an organic and sincere way

2. They both checked each other out: Trent checked Ted out when Ted was changing in front of him, Ted checked Trent out when Trent came up to him in a pub and hit him with a pick-up line while his date that looked a lot like Ted waited for him outside

3. Did I mention that Trent was on a date with a moustachioed man who dressed in a similar style to Ted? Let's mention it again

4. In that very bar, during a 50 second long conversation, Trent managed to say the word "love" three times. I searched the word "love" in the transcripts of the episodes. There's no other instance in which its frequency is this high

5. "Love our chats" incomplete rule of threes

6. "Sport, it's quite the metaphor" (implied: a metaphor for love; see also "love's a beautiful game" from the song Ed Sheeran wrote for Ted Lasso), "Also makes for a heck of a nickname", "Good night, Ted", "Good night, sport"

7. The soft, romantic, melancholic song playing in the background of this scene, while Ted and Trent are the last ones left in the office, with lyrics such as "When your words begin to crumble like the sidewalks all around this crummy neighborhood / From the chalky cliffs of Dover / I'd come over, I'd start over if I could"

8. Trent wearing sunflower colors in the episode "Sunflowers" and in the finale; sunflowers symbolize Ted's home (it's not subtle). He's the only character dressed like that. I'm still looking for any other explanation other than "Trent is Ted's home"

9. Their constant flirting and the way they look at each other with incredible fondness

10. The entire episode "The Strings That Bind Us". It's structured around Ted and Trent's relationship, and the way Trent changed because of Ted (in season 2, Ted defined a soulmate as someone who changes your life forever). The red string metaphor. Ted points out that soulmates are connected by a string tied to their little fingers. Ted and Trent both extend their little fingers out in similar shots. They are connected by a huge block of red in their last scene of the episode. Ted makes several comments about other men that apply to Trent ("Look at that head of hair", "Frames his face nicely", "My favorite one, he was clean shaven"). Many more details that lead back to Ted and Trent: Nate tells the restaurant owner to tell Jade he said "Hello". Immediately after, Ted and Trent say "Hello" to each other. The map that Nate's father used to ask out his mom has the number 1.3 written on it and an illustration of two people at a table in a restaurant. Ted and Trent went to a restaurant together in season 1, episode 3. The last scene of the episode mimics a "Race for Love" scene from a romcom, with Trent chasing after Ted. Trent also does not say a word to anyone other than Ted in the entire episode. He is completely focused on Ted

11. "Trent, what do you love? Is it writing?" and Trent ends up writing a book about Ted and naming the manuscript after Ted and he only cares about Ted's opinion on it (he leaves the room when Beard starts reading, but stays in the office after hours just to watch Ted read. "I just wanted you to like it.")

11. Trent's crush on Ted, confirmed by Jimmy Lance (and also obvious in the show, if you ask me)

Now, why would I believe that none of these hints were intentional? Maybe some could be explained away, but all of them? The hints we got for Colin, Trent and Keeley were so much smaller than this, and those turned out to be intentional.

anon i wish i could offer you the response you deserve, but i cannot stop rereading this masterpiece & focusing on the portions of evidence you provided that i didn't even pick up on until you laid them out. holy shit

[im-out-of-it]

I just have some thoughts since I’ve watched the first three episodes now. some things I’m glad the show did and also the things that irritated the fuck out of me so let’s go 👏🏼

1. aging the characters up. I think this is smart to do and there’s more you can do with the rest of them if they’re in their early twenties instead of being teenagers. sorry not sorry but I’m not interested in seeing teenagers being chased by grown adults

2. Clary is still beyond annoying. I know she’s traumatized by losing her mom and not understanding this new world but literally coming in “I don’t care about the clave, about your rules, I just want to find my mom.” yeah ok we get that but there are still rules that need to be followed. you’re out here almost getting people killed and it’s all in the name of your mom. and I’m not saying the clave is trustworthy because they’re massive dicks but you can’t go around running and doing whatever you want lmao

3. please give Alec a raise or a year vacation. the amount of shit he deals with having to be jaces parabatai is too much. honestly, Alec deserves better. Jace takes advantage of Alec and I would have loved to see Alec have another parabatai, one that cares for him. I know you can only have one BUT CUT THE FUCKING CORD PLEASE

4. Magnus is fucking perfection

5. Izzy is perfection too 🔥 I do not blame Simon losing his tongue over her. my bisexual mind was like OOOOO ALEC NO MAGNUS NO IZZY NO RAPHAEL NO MAIA!!!!!!! NO ALL OF THEM

6. Clary and Jace are very cringe and I’m not sure if that’s on the acting or the writing but it makes it hard to believe they’re “in love.” I felt more connection with Alec and Magnus meeting for a second than I did with jace and clary in three episodes. even Alec and jace have a bit more chemistry than he does with clary. and that is something I DO NOT ship

Jace: I would die for you

Clary: but jace we just met

Jace: I don’t care if I throw all my friends and family away clary. we’re destined to be together

7. superb acting from Matthew Daddario. he’s absolutely wonderful and he really captured Alec’s angst in my opinion. you can see why he’s on guard not only because he likes jace (ew my man Alec WHY) and because he’s worried about the safety of his people. I feel like Matt captures the emotion without saying a thing so well. as does Harry. I think they’re both great at this

8. “This would be bad for clary.”- (talking about the cup and valentine) Simon “it would be bad for all of us”-Izzy. of course in Simon and clary world, everything is all about clary. I get simon is worried about his bff but this affects EVERYONE

9. if Simon was my bff and someone as jace talked to my friend that way, ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NOT. she doesn’t really say much, she’s all like “we’re a package deal.” honestly clary and jace belong together because they both take advantage of their friends. they’re both so self centered so let them run away as far as possible together

10. Alec is big sad now but you will have better, just you wait. also want to add, I enjoy season one for the build up Alec and Magnus but man do I hate Alec pinning after jace 🤢 but if there isn’t any incest, it’s not a proper CC story

11. Im just here for the Malec content. stuff that show did well: Alec and Izzy’s sibling relationship. I love these two so much. Clary actually being nice to izzy and being her friend, and not being mean to her cause she’s jealous. Magnus’s whole attire. I love this bi king so much. I love magnus, I love his sass, his makeup, his clothes. I LOVE HIM. I wish they would’ve changed his hair and makeup more in the last two seasons. kinda feel like they thought oh he has mascara on, that’s good enough. that pink hair is truly one of my favorite Magnus looks.

12. last thing to add that I like what the show did. I love that Alec actually knows how to fight. it never made sense in the books that he’s never killed a demon, especially since he’s a Lightwood. never made sense to me. I’m glad they allowed in the show for Alec to actually be able to fight 🏹

that is all for now until I watch actually one of the best episodes of season one. Magnus and Alec meeting 🥰

[aster-spiral-30]

PART 3 of my *funny Hazbin Hotel dialogue that’s not in the actual show, but I wish it was*

*LUTE makes ADAM do the Gom Jabbar test from DUNE*

ADAM, suspicious: “Is that a toaster?”

LUTE, impatient: “Put your hand in the box!”

VOX: “One of my many crimes was breaking into people’s houses & stealing their televisions. Then God & The Devil turned me into an abomination that’s half-man, half-television. Life is funny that way.”

VELVETTE, on her phone: “Damn, that’s crazy.”

GOD: “I should have made crabs the dominant species on Earth.”

ADAM, offended: “I’m right here!!”

GOD: “So is she.”

*God holds up a fully grown Coconut Crab. Adam recoils, freaked out*

*ALASTOR answers the front door of the new Hazbin Hotel. It’s LILITH.*

ALASTOR: “Argh! White woman jump-scare!”

SERA: “Adam had written a will. He left you his guitar, and this.”

*she holds up a CD*

LUTE, holding back tears: “He made me a mixtape…?”

*a loud crash & the grinding of metal. Sir Pentious’ airship appears on one of Heaven’s streets*

SIR PENTIOUS : “My ride!”

SERA: “You need to park that thing somewhere else.”

SIR PENTIOUS: “Oh, certainly. Perhaps my minions will have survived.”

SERA: “Your what?”

SIR PENTIOUS: “They are a clutch of egg boys that I invented.”

SERA: “That, uhh, still doesn’t answer my question.”

SUSAN, off-screen: “Alastor, are you looking at naked ladies in there??”

ALASTOR: “Ha ha, no, Susan!”

SUSAN: “You sissy!”

(This last piece of dialogue from The Simpsons season 12 episode: The Computer Wore Menace Shoes)

[elliespuns]

Things/moments that were in the show but not the game; The Last of Us

Ellie being captured by Marlene and her people so they could 'test' her before being sure she's not actually infected. The first interaction with Ellie in the game was when Marlene was already sure of her immunity.

2. The "If she so much as twitches" scene was just a perfect addition to TLOU humor. I wish this was in the game too. Daaamn.

3. Ellie and Joel camping and eating together. We never got them like this in the game. There's only one picture of them sitting by the bonfire, laughing. But can you imagine having this moment in the cutscenes? Oh, man.

4. Ellie's horrified reaction to Henry commiting suicide in front of her eyes. Bella did an amazing job portraying this moment. I can only imagine game Ellie and what her baby face would look like if we got to see her reacting to such a heart-wrenching moment.

5. Ellie and Joel digging graves for Henry and Sam and Ellie showing remorse because she already liked this damned kid. The game never offered this, which is a shame since game Ellie was emotionally intelligent, and this must have taken a toll on her.

6. Joel teaching Ellie how to shoot at a target, somewhere in the middle of nowhere, being all cocky about being a good shot himself. This moment would be so lit if it was between game Joel and game Ellie. We only ever got a promo picture of Joel showing her how to use a rifle, but again, no cutscene. (and I know there's the Pittsburg scene where he teaches her, it's just not this).

7. Ellie gorging herself when coming to Jackson and spotting Dina! This moment would be so precious in the game because game Ellie has always been nice to people she met (unlike show Ellie who has always been more 'coarse'). So this moment would have probably happened quite differently and it would be cool to see how!

8. Joel remembering Sarah, seeing her in other people. This was such a touching addition to the show knowing even game Joel must have been experiencing this.

9. Ellie's life at FEDRA and her 'bickering' with classmates. We already knew this about game Ellie from the "American Dreams" comics, but we never got to see it on screen like this. Highly appreciated.

10. Ellie loving the escalator aka. electric stairs. Seeing her goofing around, having the time of her life just running up and down the stairs... just priceless. Can you imagine game Ellie losing her shit on an escalator?

11. Ellie and Riley hugging at the end of Left Behind. We never got to see game Ellie and game Riley hug and I will never forgive Neil Druckmann for this. Feeling this too deeply, it makes me sad this never happened in the game.

12. Ellie and Joel holding hands after he got impaled; Ellie showing him she cared enough to stay and take care of him. This breaks my heart in the most beautiful way to be able to see it at least in the show. But try to imagine it in the game, if you will. Are you picturing it? Becaue I can't stop.

13. Joel telling Ellie that Sarah would've liked her because she's funny. That was like the sweetest highlight of the most heartbreaking episode. Joel in the game mentioned Sarah in front of Ellie too, but not in this way and I feel like crying.

14. An actual backstory to Ellie's mom Anna and Ellie being born. This was such an important additon to the show and the fact Ashley Johnson got to play the role made it even more meaningful.

THANK YOU, THE LAST OF US, SEASON 1. THAT WAS QUITE A RIDE!

[pookie-mulder]

August 2024 fic roundup

This was truly the month of the longfic. And to think I only read short fics until @skelavender showed me the error of my ways!

📰🖋️ Paracelsus by prufrockslove

One of the biggest txf fics ever, and I absolutely devoured it. I loved reading it right after Hiraeth and seeing all the little nods to their past lives. This author knows how to spin a yarn, guys. My one complaint is the never-ending miscommunications towards the end, which is never my favorite source of drama/conflict. Just talk to each other, you idiots! (Although they have those moments in canon, as well, I suppose.)

⚾️🏟️ A Moment in the Sun by prufrockslove

I will remember this fic for the rest of my life. It’s the type of fanfic you want to write fanfic about. It makes me wish I knew now to print and bind my own books. The universe is so rich and developed. Definitely in my top 5 of all time!

Here’s a list of things I love about it:

William. My precious, bratty British boy.

The way the plot includes elements of the mytharc but put together in a different way so you don’t know exactly how it’s all gonna come together

Emily!! You know I love a good Emily AU, and this fic certainly counts. I’m a sucker for a found family, and this fic delivers.

Josh Exley my beloved (and Arthur Dales, but the other one)

Dad!Mulder. The man is an absolute DILF. He tries so hard to overcome his shortcomings and be the father his kids need.

Frohike. His job as an eccentric baseball manager suits him surprisingly well, and his characterization is on point.

The little nods to canon, including episode titles and locations.

The insinuation that all of PFL’s AUs take place in the same universe (as Mulder said, “It has to take more than one lifetime to learn to love someone this much.”)

The only thing I’m not zazzed about is the ending. It kind of just…ends? I would’ve loved an epilogue or even a sequel (or a 12-book series).

🏫📸 Dr. Scully’s School for Exceptional Boys by prufrockslove

Oh boy. This fic is a tangled mess of emotions and betrayal and shame and guilt and love and promises and sacrifices and, most of all:

Definitely recommend.

👒👩‍🔬 The Regency Files by @slippinmickeys

I needed something that needed less mental energy after 4 massive PFL fics in a row, and this one delivered! It’s sweet, romantic, elegant, and has just enough of a plot to keep you interested. If you’re a fan of historical AUs (as I am now, I guess), this one’s a must-read!

🛌🍷 The Reunion by @muldersfingers

Absolute trope-y goodness without feeling too cheesy or predictable. My favorite part is how much they laugh and tease each other when they finally make use of that one bed ;)

🐶🥇 underdog takes the title by @wtfmulder

MSR’s first time is sweet, silly, and giggly. Mulder is absolutely pathetic and pitiable, which Scully finds hot (same, girl). It absolutely melted my heart!

👶👨‍🍼 the bitter and the sweet by @xf-cases-solved

What if baby William was a girl? What if they named her after Samantha?

Absolute perfection. This is how season 8 should have ended!

🏔️🌲 The Mountain Man and A Deadly Hunger by aka_Jake

This historical AU takes place in the same time period as Paracelsus, but it’s so vastly different in its setting that it’s unfair to compare them. In this one, Mulder is a Montana mountain man who smuggles arms to the Native Americans, and Scully hopes to become an army doctor in a nearby frontier town. It’s a classic Wild West romance with plenty of drama and conflict. I love how each of the characters feel like themselves, especially Scully, who retains her headstrong independence despite social norms.

🔙🥩 The Mastodon Diaries by aka_Jake

Mulder and Scully travel back in time to the Pleistocene era and must rely on their wits and each other to survive.

This is one of those fics that changes you as a person. I will be thinking about it for a long, long time. It broke my heart a thousand times and then lovingly stitched it back together. There were so many moments that took my breath away.

The portrayal of prehistoric humans is especially incredible — they’re so well-thought out, and their culture is so rich and developed. Even though 12,000 years separates us, we’re not so different from each other in the end. I absolutely fell in love with the native OCs, which is a compliment of the highest order. I already miss them!

Anyway, it’s like this fic was created in a lab specifically for me. It has all my favorite tropes and story elements: wilderness survival, historical AU(ish), soooo much whump and caretaking and hurt/comfort, found families, Dad!Mulder, and a surprising amount of romance. If you haven’t read this one yet, I’m begging you to give it a try!

🇦🇶❄️ On the Verge by aka_Jake

This fic fits into one of my favorite canon holes: How did Mulder and Scully get back from Antarctica? I love reading everyone’s different takes on this missing scene/plotline, and this one is no exception!

[poomphuripan]

Professional Body Double // My Stand In - a Masterpost

Series Title: My Stand-In (ตัวนาย ตัวแทน)

Director: Pepzi Banchorn Vorasataree (KinnPorsche The Series)

Action Director: Khom Kongkiat Khomsiri (KinnPorsche The Series)

Producer: Yuan Wan Thabkrajang (I Feel You Linger In The Air)

Executive Producer: Poppy Parnsuk Thongrob

Episodes: 12

Aired: Apr 26, 2024 - Jul 12, 2024. Every Friday 8.00 PM.

Original Network: iQIYI

Original Novel Title: Professional Body Double (职业替身)

Author: Shui Qian Cheng (水千丞)

Genres: Adult, Drama, Mature, Romance, Supernatural, Tragedy, Showbiz, Angst

Content warnings: Abusive lover, noncon, house arrest

--------------------

Official Synopsis

Joe, the stunt man of famous actor Tong, happened to meet Ming. Having developed a deep relationship, Joe didn’t realise that Ming had always seen him as Tong’s replacement. When the truth is revealed, Joe has to take work on a foreign set where an accident takes his life. When he wakes, Joe’s in the body of a young man named Joe who’d met with an accident on the same day. With help, he’s soon living the same life as he was before—with the same people—and he meets Ming once more. In this life, Ming wants Joe back at his side as before and Joe doesn’t know why. Ming, who’s kept all memories of the old Joe, tries to find the truth about Joe’s continued life in order to return Joe to his side and give him the explanation he never had the chance to.

Main characters

Joe (Zhou Xiang/周翔)

Height: 181 cm

Birthday: October 20

Age: 29

Zodiac: Libra

Occupation: Actor, Stuntman, Martial Arts Body Double, Martial Arts Instructor

Personality: Gentle and generous, optimistic and open-hearted, mature and considerate. Independent. Easy going, not very ambitious, caring towards people around him. His parents and sibling passed away when he was 8 years old.

Ming (Yan MingXiu/晏明修)

Height: 188 cm

Birthday: September 6

Age: 24

Zodiac: Virgo

Occupation: Actor, President of a Mechanized Heavy Industry Company

Personality: Haughty, selfish, lacking in patience, stubborn and persistent towards things he has decided upon. Extremely attractive, cold, indifferent. Youngest of the three Yan siblings. Comes from a wealthy, prestigious family with millitary background.

Supporting characters

Sol (Lan Xi Rong): Young attractive popular actor who was once close to Joe. Sol likes Joe. Played by Porsche Tanathorn.

Tong (Wang Yu Dong): A popular action movie star. Tong is Ming’s crush. Tong is dating Ming's sister, May. Tong eventually marries May and becomes Ming's brother-in-law. Played by Mek Jirakit.

Wut (Paradorn Vesurai): Joe's brother-like close friend, who's also his boss.

Jim (Jiang Yuan): Ming's personal secretary and right hand man. Played by Billy Possathorn.

Mike (Yan Mingsu): Ming’s older brother. Played by Inntouch Naphat.

May (Yan Ming Mei): Ming’s older sister. May eventually becomes Tong's wife later on. Played by Shu Nunnicha.

--------------------

Where to read the novel

Chinese raw

English translation

Indonesian translation

Vietnamese translation

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Where to listen to the audio drama adaptation

Season 1

Season 2

Season 1 & 2 on YT with Vietnamese subtitles (Note: OP gonna private this video once the series has finished filming, so if anyone wishes to grab a copy/listen to it, now's the time 🤗)

--------------------

Production

Director Pepzi and Executive Producer Yuan first posted a photo captioned "Our new series project" hashtagging the Chinese novel title on 16 February 2023 so pre-production starts around February 2023. Yuan tweeted that My Stand In is the series that took longest to cast (8 months). 6 October 2023 was the fitting for My Stand In. Production begins filming on 16 October 2023.

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For latest updates on My Stand In series, you can follow YYDS Entertainment on Youtube, Twitter, Facebook, IG, Tiktok.

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Source

[happygirl2oo2]

Every reference I could find to Sherlock's love of bees in Elementary, organized by episode number

season 1 episode 1:

Watson, walking onto the Brownstone's rooftop to find Sherlock and surprised to see beehives there next to him: "Um, did you know that honey was dripping through the ceiling?" Sherlock, sitting and looking at his beehives: "Yes. Happens sometimes." Watson: "I take it beekeeping is a hobby." Sherlock: "I'm writing a book. Practical Handbook of Bee Culture with Some Observations Upon the Segregation of the Queen. Up here. I've just started Chapter 19."

season 1 episode 5:

Sherlock, explaining how he knows someone: "We frequent the same beekeeping chat room. He has an impressive collection of Caucasians. Species of bee."

season 1 episode 7:

Watson: "There was a client back here a little while ago who was also interested in beekeeping." Edson: "Sure. You mean Sherlock."

season 1 episode 9:

*Sherlock is wearing a shirt with the writing “Bee 92” on it*

season 1 episode 12:

Sherlock: "Our six weeks together are very nearly up, Watson. In a matter of days, your room will be vacant. I'm very seriously considering turning it into one large apiary."

and

M, about Sherlock torturing him: "You figured out where you're gonna start yet?" Sherlock, looking over his table of torture devices that he brought that is shown to include a few beehives: "I have not. I had hoped to use the bees in some fashion, but then it occurred to me you might be allergic."

and

Sherlock: "Watson, what is it?" Watson: "I called your father last night. Given everything that's happened, I recommended staying on longer." Sherlock: "And?" Watson: "He agreed." Sherlock: "I suppose the apiary will have to wait."

season 1 episode 17:

Crabtree: "Delivery for you, Mr. Holmes." Sherlock: " Thank you, Crabtree, but I'm afraid I c… Oh, my God. Is that…?" Watson: "A bee in a box? Yes, it is. Fairly unimpressive as far as bribes go." Sherlock: "Not if you're an apiculturist. That's an Osmia avosetta. Solitary bee famed for building exquisite nests from flower petals. It's on the verge of extinction. Crabtree, this is exquisite. I cannot accept it. Please, tell Mr. Lydon not to contact me again."

and

[BEE BUZZING] Watson: "Hey, why do you have the box with the bee in it?" Sherlock: "We took Gerald Lydon's case." Watson: "We did?" Sherlock: "Well, frankly I couldn't say no to him. It would have felt like denying a dying man his last wish. We are taking this home, and then we are going to the genetics lab which confirmed his diagnosis."

and

Sherlock: "Close that door immediately!" Watson: "What's up? Sherlock: "I was examining the Osmia avosetta that Gerald Lydon gave me and it got loose." Watson: "Oh, so there's an almost-extinct bee flying around in here?" Sherlock: "Yes, and I would rather it didn't get out."

season 1 episode 19:

Miss Hudson, to Sherlock: "Oh, and I stacked your monographs that you wrote on your desk. I liked the one about queen bees."

season 1 episode 20:

Sherlock: "Another reason to dislike Milverton. He keeps cats." Watson, sarcastically: "Well, he should get himself a real pet, like a beehive." *Sherlock gives her a look*

and

[CELL PHONE RINGING] Sherlock, answering his phone: "Brownstone is on fire, my bees have escaped, and there is a giant comet headed for Manhattan." Watson: "Excuse me?" Sherlock: "The way the evening is going, I thought you could only be calling with more good news."

season 1 episode 21:

Sherlock: "What kind of an allergy requires a medical alert bracelet?" Watson: "Uh, anything that could bring on anaphylactic shock, certain foods, medicine, insect bites." Sherlock: " Exactly. A moment ago, I could have sworn I saw an Africanized honeybee." Watson: "How do you "Africanize" something?" Sherlock: "It's a term to describe a particularly aggressive species. It's odd to… Odd to see them here. They're not native to New York. It's almost as if someone has placed it here on a route known to be frequented by Hillary Taggart." Watson: "So you think he's planning a murder by bee?" Sherlock: "The hive will be facing southeast in dappled sunlight with minimal wind. And here they are, newly formed and flourishing. Oh, yes. And here is the food source. Someone's feeding them sugar water so they multiply even faster." Watson: "Well, it's pretty baroque way to kill someone, isn't it? I mean, cultivate bees, feed them, and then poke the hive with a stick every time Hillary Taggart runs by?" Sherlock: "Well, he might be planning to swipe her with lemongrass oil beforehand, make sure they're attracted to her. It's actually quite a tidy plan. You know, she flees, bees sting-- tragic accident." Watson: "If she's that allergic to bee stings, then she's gonna have an EpiPen." Sherlock: "Well, an EpiPen would work against one or two stings, but how effective is it gonna be against an army of bee assassins?" Watson: "If the man we are looking for is feeding these bees, he's gonna have to come here eventually." Sherlock: "Yeah. Quite soon, I'd imagine, 'cause the sugar water's getting low." Watson: "Ugh, great. So we get to stake out a hive of killer bees."

season 1 episode 24:

[Watson walks onto the brownstone's rooftop to find Sherlock sitting and looking at his beehives with a magnifying glass] Sherlock: "Do you remember the rare bee I was given for proving that Gerald Lydon had been poisoned?" Watson: "The bee in the box, sure." Sherlock: "Osmia avoseta is its own species, which means it should not be able to reproduce with other kinds of bees. And yet, nature is infinitely wily." Watson: "So box bee got another bee pregnant?" Sherlock: "Quite so. Which means, they should be reclassified as an entirely new species. First newborn of which… is about to crawl its way into sunlight." Watson: "Oh, my God." Sherlock: "As the discoverer of the species, the privilege of naming the creatures falls to me. Allow me to introduce you to Euglassa Watsonia." Watson, surprised and then touched: You named a bee after me? You named a bee after me." Sherlock: "Should be dozens more within the hour. If you'd like, I could come and get you once they're all here. Watson: "That's all right. I think I'll just watch."

season 2 episode 12:

[sherlock is shown taking a box out of his beehive]

and

Watson: "You didn't show me these letters. You hid them in a beehive."

and

[sherlock is shown taking the box back into his beehive]

season 3 episode 10:

Barbara: "Barbara Conway. I'm senior vice president of…" Sherlock: "Senior vice president of AgriNext's GMO research division. Quite the corporate monstrosity, AgriNext, hmm? In addition to your dominance in agricultural industries, there is powerful evidence to suggest that your neonicotinoid insecticides are the culprits in the ongoing bee genocide known as colony collapse disorder. Would you care to comment on that?" Barbara: "When you told my assistant you had some questions, was that just a lie to get in and harass me?" Sherlock: "Ms. Conway, are you familiar with the name Clay Dubrovensky?" Barbara: "No." Sherlock: "What about the Wutai Pingtung orchid?" Barbara: "I'm sorry. What?" Sherlock: "You are very good at feigning innocence. Perhaps it's all that lying about the bees."

season 3 episode 11:

Watson: "Can you imagine how she feels when she looks at it?" Sherlock: "I have done. Repeatedly. My name is Sherlock, and I have allowed empathetic thoughts to clutter my mind and reduce the clarity of my perception." Watson: "So you called in the bees to crowd out caring." Sherlock: "To no avail."

season 3 episode 14:

Mr. Joseph: "Mr. Holmes, thank you for agreeing to see me. We've actually met before-- sort of." Sherlock: "You're BeeBeeKing17." Mr. Joseph: "I am. (chuckles) You're a detective. I know from your posts. I have a bit of a problem…" Sherlock: "I'm gonna stop you right there, Mr. Joseph. I can't help you." Mr. Joseph: "You don't know what I'm asking." Sherlock: "I don't need to. In the four years I've frequented your Web site, I've sent you no fewer than 13 letters detailing my proposed solutions to the phenomenon known as colony collapse disorder. You have sent me exactly zero replies." Mr. Joseph: "You know how much correspondence I get?" Sherlock: "I've got no idea. I do know, however, that mine is backed by quality thinking. If you'd bothered to find that out, you wouldn't find yourself without a detective in your hour of need." Mr. Joseph: "Is there some way that I can make this up to you?" Sherlock: "I suppose, if you were to publish my theories on gamma rays as a potential solution to CCD, then I might be able to hear you out." Mr. Joseph: "Gamma rays? They… they've worked in a couple instances, but they… they don't scale as an answer. They're too dangerous. You give John Q. Beekeeper access to gamma rays, he'll melt his face off." Sherlock: "A fact I addressed in my most recent letter." Mr. Joseph: "Fine. Yeah, I'll put it on the site." Sherlock: "I also require that you change your online user name. The cheap punnery of "BeeBeeKing17" is offensive to musicians and apiarists alike. You'll make the change?" Mr. Joseph: "I guess." Sherlock: "Good. So what seems to be the problem?"

season 3 episode 20:

Sherlock (on the other line of the phone): "Watson, you still over there?" Watson: "Yes, I'm still here, because I can't go home, because of you. Why did you bring the bees in the house anyway?" Sherlock, shown to be standing in their kitchen while wearing his beekeeper suit and surrounded by bees: "Varroa mites are a pernicious threat to the colony. I intended a thorough inspection, as well as an application of baker's sugar as a preventative measure. My thoughts were concerned with colony collapse. I failed to see the more urgent threat of table collapse." Watson: "Wait a second. You're not talking about my table, are you? The one that I bought for my apartment?" Sherlock: "Two hours should be sufficient to return the hive to stasis. I'll be in touch."

season 3 episode 23 (the entire episode but especially):

Unnamed cop: "If you guys work for the USDA, why didn't you just say so?" Watson: "We don't. My partner's on a beekeeping message board with a few of their researchers. They asked us to come and have a look, since it's one of their colleagues that died."

and

Sherlock: "You might want to tell your colleague that the apiarist is not a strong suspect. Unnamed cop: "The hell she isn't. She was the only other person out here when this thing happened." Sherlock: " And as far as Watson and I have been able to discern, utterly devoid of any motive-- unlike the soulless corporate golem that is AgriNext." Unnamed cop: "You think a company did this?" Sherlock: "It wouldn't be the first time they'd harbored a killer." Watson: "He's right-- we found one there a few months ago. So what makes you think they did this?" Sherlock: "Elevated levels of Colony Collapse Disorder along the Northeast." Watson: "You putting that on AgriNext, too?" Sherlock: "Everett Keck did. His notes strongly suggest that the company's neonicotinoid pesticides are the cause." Unnamed cop: "So this guy was killed over some dead bees?" Sherlock: "A hundred million dead bees. The regional numbers are so anomalous that an international apiary summit has been convened at Garrison University to discuss the problem this week. Everett Keck's notes suggest he was willing to cut short that debate and lay the blame squarely at the feet of AgriNext."

and

Watson: "Oh… Looks like you opened up a satellite office for the Department of Agriculture in here." Sherlock: "25,000 species of bee-- always much to learn." Watson: "Well, if you're planning on picking up where Keck left off, it might be nice to solve his murder first."

and

Watson: "So you think that Keck tried to kill his boss to cover up poisoning a few bee hives?" Sherlock: "More than a few. I've come to believe that Everett Keck was not just studying Colony Collapse Disorder. Everett Keck was Colony Collapse Disorder incarnate. You might recall my recent concern over varroas in my own hives. These fears were born out of rumblings on BeeCircuit.com. Most of the talk on the spike of this season's colony death rate centered around the spread of deadly mites." Watson: "Okay, but I thought Keck was gonna prove it was pesticides. Sherlock: "That's what his note suggested. That's what he intended to report, but the data suggests that the parasites were appearing in greater than expected numbers everywhere he went." Watson: "You did all this overnight? Sherlock: "You know I outsource arithmetic to Harlan. Okay, so, that's Keck. And there are three other ASI researchers. He found more mites than the others. Many more. According to Harlan, the variance between Keck and his colleagues cannot be explained away by known confounds. The odds that Mr. Keck was not actively spreading varroa mites everywhere he went approaches one in 29,000." Watson: "So, there isn't a spike in Colony Collapse Disorder after all." Sherlock: "Every dead hive is a tragedy. But outside of one nefarious USDA field researcher, no, the CCD baseline would not be inflated at all." Watson: "Why would he do something like this?" Sherlock: "I don't know. I'm fairly certain, however, he had help. The heart attack that almost killed Calvin Barnes occurred whilst Mr. Keck was doing his rounds in Connecticut." Watson: "He had a partner." Sherlock: "We've solved one murder. Now we just have the remaining 100 million."

and

Tara Parker: "No. No way. You can't just write off a global issue because one guy went on a bee-killing spree." Sherlock: "I share your concerns about Colony Collapse Disorder writ large, I do. I have hives of my own. But your degree is in entomology, and, uh, the mathematicians have spoken."

and

Sherlock, excitingly surprised: "His Highness Sheik Nasser Al-Fayed is making an appearance?" Tara Parker: "Supposedly." Sherlock, explaining to Watson: "Nasser is an emir. He's a member of the royal family of Al Qasr in the United Arab Emirates. He's a black sheep. He's not trusted with state business, like his brothers." Griffin Parker, to which Sherlock is shown nodding in approvement: "He's also got the most expensive apiary on the planet. State-of-the-art hives." Sherlock: "He's a recluse. Rumors on BeeCircuit.com are that he never leaves his family's estate." Griffin Parker: "Well, I wouldn't, either. He has almost 1,000 species."

and

Sherlock: "I'm friendly with the moderator of BeeCircuit.com. You deleted your private messages, but he was able to dredge these off the server."

and

Sherlock: "You got away with kidnapping the sheik. You won't get away with what you did to Calvin Barnes. Or millions of bees."

season 4 episode 13:

Trent Garby: "I moved out because of you two. I couldn't take it anymore. The weird noises, the strange smells, the explosions, and the damn bees on the roof."

and

Watson: "Robert Frost said that fences make good neighbors. But maybe that's because there wasn't sound-dampening insulation back then. Since you are rebuilding anyway, we can have it installed for you as a belated housewarming gift. So a quieter home for you, and a neighbor who knows what he's getting into for us." Trent Garby: "You don't even know me." Watson: "We'd like to." Trent Garby: "All right. When I get the insurance settlement, I'll let you know." Watson, giving him a jar of honey: "This is from Sherlock. He wants you to know that bees can be good neighbors, too."

season 4 episode 23:

Bell: "We think he crossed with Krasnov, who was there to steal a barrel of pesticide. There's one missing." Watson: "Clothianidin is used to treat corn crops. I've heard Sherlock rail against the stuff. It's bad for bees. But it is good for explosives."

season 4 episode 24:

Morland, looking at Sherlock's hives: "They stay here even during winter, do they not?" Sherlock: "Excuse me?" Morland: " The bees. This is their home… rain or shine." Sherlock: "Yes, let's talk about bees, instead of the execution you just carried out in Yonkers."

season 5 episode 21:

Sherlock: "You might not know what Mr. Leroux looks like, but I assure you, those photographs of you showing my friend around will have the FBI and Interpol swarming your property like bees."

season 6 episode 8:

Kelsey: "I'm sorry if that sounds judgmental, but… judging you is kind of the whole point of this trip." Watson: "It's okay. I mean, you have to go through your process, right?" Kelsey: "Am I crazy, or did I see a bunch of beehives on your roof?"

season 6 episode 17:

Watson: "He named an inchworm after her?" Sherlock: "It’s not uncommon for scientists to name species after people they care for or admire. I named a honeybee after you. But I, of course, was honoring my work partner."

season 6 episode 18:

Sherlock: "We need to talk about what happens after I die." [cut to them now in the kitchen, with Watson holding a pile of pages] Watson, reading the title: "“The Last Will and Testament of Sherlock Holmes”?" Sherlock: "According to Mr. Horowitz, in three days' time, I am to be riddled with bullets by an unknown assailant in an unnamed part of the city. While I doubt that will happen, reading it did remind me that you should have a copy of the appropriate paperwork to ensure a smooth probate." Watson: "You didn't write all this up today." Sherlock: "No, I wrote it several years ago when we formalized our partnership. I just didn't give you a copy." Watson: "Am I reading this right? You left me everything?" Sherlock: "You're surprised?" Watson: "Uh… I guess I'm touched. Sherlock: " There are some directives in the back that you should review. Watson: "Instructions on what to do with your cerebellum? Sherlock: "Mmm. Also my bees. They will need a proper home."

season 6 episode 21:

Sherlock, walking into the room to find Watson filming a close video of his bees while playing a loud song: "Something I should know?" Watson: "Everyone got back to us while you were out. They said they would look into Agent Mallick if I gave them an up-close view of one of your beehives and put this song on repeat. I mean, I had to get movers to get it down here, but at least we did not have to humiliate ourselves this time." Sherlock: "Oh, you've been humiliated. You just don't realize it. One of the founding fathers of Everyone, StingSquat, is an admitted melissophiliac. He's aroused by bees. You just arranged a sex show with a cast of thousands."

season 7 episode 13:

Sherlock, sounding touched, after seeing that his hives are still in the brownstone after his years away: "You kept the bees." Watson: "I thought Arthur might find them interesting. Plus, the free honey.

[cherryapplebee]

a list of things I really liked about the bear (on first watch)

1. the show begins and ends with the shot of the train passing by. it isn't shown stopping just moving across the screen as if to drive home the transitional journey that S3 depicted between major plot points that can occur in the show

2. carmy actually apologises to richie and says I love you. i wish there was more of the sincere apology

3. tina and richie sharing their parenting experience with nat

4. nat listening to the "types of children alcoholics have" and having it memorised, wanting not to let what is in her head ruin her baby's experience and just her overall sincere efforts to be a good mother

5. sydney being inducted into the family with richie clearly respecting + relying on her during service, marcus and sydney sharing their experiences of losing their mothers, cicero talking to Sydney and visibly realising how important she is to the bear, Sydney and pete together, Sydney and TINA ofc. i just love Sydney being part of the bear family

6. how introspective and creative markus is and him really finding expression through his desserts

7. carmy + luca meeting at chef terry's

8. carmy + chef terry's conversation

9. all those past flashbacks of carmy genuinely being content and at peace while working and learning in restaurants and around chefs who respected him

10. loved to see more of how carmy communicates through non verbal creative expression forms like his beautiful drawings, his silent improvements in the kitchen, his food ofc

11. the split screen scene where Richie is standing in the dining area shrouded in blue light and carmy inside in the kitchen in warmer light was extremely reminiscent of the argument scene they had from S2 when carmy was stuck in the walk in. except in the S2 scene they were actually facing each other actively fighting but in the S3 parallel they have their backs to each other and their lighting has flipped.

12. luca just luca. nerd luca geeking out about dish ideas and getting nervous in front of his idol chef. nostalgic luca. luca + sydney friendship. luca + carmen friendship. just every second he was on screen.

13. adding more character depth to cicero and how he genuinely cares about carmy + nat

14. sydney getting POACHED angst because I love the DRAMAHH

15. the found family of the bear. i love all my chefs so much. they have my entire heart.

16. STRANGE CURRENCIES STILL PLAYING OVER *CONFLICTED* CARMY AND CLAIRE RELATIONSHIP omg that song gives me so much brainrot it's always SO STRATEGICALLY PLACED.

17. the wholesome party at syd's house after funeral in the last ep

18. MORE OF SYD AND HER DAD

19. pete is so cute fr

20. Richie just being such a great dad

21. episode one man. i just really like how it was paced.

22. in true invisible string ass fashion carmy serving his modified blood orange dish to Sydney OBVIOUSLY

23. the chef's at Terry's funeral dinner just talking about how much they love their jobs and their passion for food.

I know I'll notice more things about this season that I'll like and obviously there are things i disliked. but rn I am not focusing on the latter that much. the time will come for it. I've just been waiting for this season for so long. and i really do appreciate it for whatever it was. i love the bear and the people in this show and i love that the show truly is becoming more and more about the BEAR as a WHOLE rather than just carmy. I hope it keeps getting richer and richer.

eagerly awaiting what's next :)

[starcrossedxwriter]

Built for Love Part 12 (MBJ x Famous Black OC)

A/N: Our favs are back!! And trying to recover from everything. Enjoy!!

***

“You know you don’t gotta hide looking at it, right?” Michael leaned over to mutter in her ear as he rounded their island to the sink. 

Charlotte’s gaze fell to the side as she bowed her head in slight embarrassment at being caught examining the perfect rock on her finger. 

It had been days since the proposal and she was still unaccustomed to it, the weight of it on her finger and the weight of what it meant to them both. She had spent countless nights fantasizing of what a life with Michael could be and now her fantasies were coming true. She constantly found her eyes drawn to it throughout the day as she questioned whether the proposal was really real or merely a dream. 

They had not told a soul about their engagement yet, not even their families. While they wanted to share the exciting news with everyone, they felt this was not something they wanted to share over the phone. And they planned to go home to LA at the end of the month for Easter weekend as Charlotte had some time off. They also knew once they told their families, there was no guarantee they would be able to keep it secret for long. And they were not ready to tell the world just yet. Charlotte was still healing and reeling from Shaun’s attack and not used to being the center of social media debates and conversation or a hot topic on talk shows. And they knew their engagement would only draw more attention to her and them that they did not want just yet. 

Tomorrow would be her first day back at work, and really her first time leaving their house for more than a walk around their neighborhood. Throughout the entire day, Michael would have been lying if he said a significant part of him had not hoped she would wake up and realize she needed more time to recover. And while skillful makeup and the facade of a performer would earn her praise on social media and in the media for returning to normal so quickly, in private things were still far from normal. 

“Sorry,” she laughed. “I feel crazy but I can’t take my eyes off it, it’s fuckin’ gorgeous.” 

Michael’s face lit up at her praise. He had picked well. “I know, I’ve caught you staring at it nonstop for the last couple days.” 

“Well you did good.” She stood and kissed him on the cheek before walking over toward the couch to grab the remote. “Wanna watch another episode of Housewives before we head to bed? We’re so far behind on this season,” she grumbled to herself as she turned on their tv. 

“Sure but first, we need to talk.” 

Charlotte groaned, those were words no person in a relationship ever wanted to hear. And she knew exactly what he wanted to talk about. She and Michael rarely argued, she could count the number of them on one hand. However, she knew this one had been brewing slowly as her return to work drew closer. She was honestly surprised he let it go this long. Wishful thinking, she supposed, that he would not say anything at all. 

“If it’s about what I think it’s about, then we already talked about it days ago and came to an agreement, Bakari. Hence the very scary former special forces white man that’s gonna play my shadow for months,” she mumbled in annoyance. 

It was not that she did not understand the point of security, she did. But that did not stop her from resenting the fact that she needed it, this human barrier that sat her apart from the masses as if she were too important or too fragile. It felt unnecessary and ridiculous but acquiescing to this request was the only way Michael would agree to let go back to the theater so early. So her frustration seemed to double at the idea that he wanted to revisit this conversation after she already compromised.  

“Well, I’d like to reopen the discussion.” 

Charlotte rolled her eyes as she settled on the couch, her movements were still stiff, her body not fully healed but she felt well enough to perform. Unfortunately, her fiancée did not share her opinions on her healing process. 

“I’m fine and I’m going back to work tomorrow. I agreed to have security at your insistence. There’s really nothing to discuss.” 

“I disagree.” Michael’s arms were folded and his face stern as he perched on the arm of their sectional. “You’re still having nightmares and you’re still in pain. I mean can you even dance?” 

Truth be told, he was shocked he was even having to fight her on this. He just knew she would get to the weekend and see how little her healing had progressed and ask for more time off. That she had taken his concerns for her well being and safety seriously and was going to change how she pushed herself to the limit. However, instead he found that she was dead set on it, rehearsing and preparing for work as if nothing was wrong. But in his opinion, everything was wrong. 

While he would admit she was handling it better than he would have expected, she was still not ok. She was still in pain despite her attempts to hide it from him. She was far more jumpy than she ever was before. And aside from the night he proposed, she woke them both up with nightmares every single night. Some were marginally better than others but they were a reminder that while her physical injuries would heal in a linear fashion, her trauma would not. They were in for months of steps forward and steps backwards. And though he knew she could not realistically take months off, he wanted her to consider, at least, taking another week to get on stronger footing. 

The engagement helped them both, provided some light and hope at the end of the tunnel and they both clung to it for dear life in their own ways. But he knew that was a fleeting feeling, the happiness and joy of the engagement would not be enough to overshadow the trauma and pain she felt forever, no matter how much she focused on that. 

She sucked her teeth. “You know before you, I danced through a hell of a lot worse than a few bruises and a concussion. I’m fine.” 

“That ain’t the sellin’ point you think it is. Your body needs rest. The doctors said you’re lucky he didn’t damage your vocal chords from choking you, you don’t need to be singing for 2 hours a night. Also you don’t even know what effect going back there will have on you.”

Charlotte scoffed. “One, my voice is fine. I practiced last night.” Though she wasn’t going to admit that it was extremely hard and painful to sing. “I’ll be fine! He what? Scared me a couple of times there? It’s not like he attacked me in the theater. It’s not a big deal.”

“Not a big deal?? You almost dying isn’t a big deal??” 

“You know what I mean! Look, I think I have a bit more experience dealing with PTSD than you do. I feel well enough to perform so I’m gonna. That’s that.”

“So I don’t even get a say? Get to give you my opinion at all?” 

Charlotte crossed her arms like a petulant child, her annoyance at having this discussion again shutting down any opportunity for her to hear his side or perspective. In her opinion, the time for his opinions had passed. “Well, it’s my career, not yours. It’s my body, not yours. I am the victim of a stalking, sociopath, not you. Why would you get a say in it? I know we’re engaged but that doesn’t mean I’m not my own person anymore.” 

“I know you’re your own person. But you also don’t get to make unilateral decisions, Charlotte! You making unilateral decisions is why we’re in this situation!” 

Charlotte scoffed. “And there it is… if you want me to take your opinion seriously, then admit what’s really going on here. This isn’t about me o-or my injuries or any stupid shit like that. You know I can perform just fine. You don’t trust me to take care of myself, you’re pissed that I took away your opportunity to save me and now you don't want me out of your sight.” 

“Well in my sight, he can’t fuckin’ try to kill you again.” 

She threw her hands up in the air. “Well, between the special forces nigga you forced me to hire and the venue security, I don’t see that happening! Also despite what you clearly think, I can take care of myself!” 

Michael’s eyes almost bugged out of his head. “You can take care of yourself? So that bruise on your side? On your face? Your concussion and stint in the hospital, were you just warming up during all those fights? Because I sure as fuck ain’t gonna forgot having to pull him off you while he tried to choke the life out of you any time soon! He’s out on bail and out in the world and I love you but no, you can’t defend yourself against him. You ain’t gonna act like I’m crazy for being worried.” 

“‘I can’t defend myself??’ So you think I’m weak?” For some reason, that struck a nerve so deep in her that she felt herself quickly transitioning from annoyance and frustration to full blown rage. 

“No that’s no-” 

“Well that’s exactly what you just said! I’m weak and defenseless and need you to take care of me. I mean, is that what you really think of me? Because if so, why would you even want to date, let alone marry, someone you think so little of?” 

“That’s not what I think!” He yelled, his frustration getting the better of him as he abruptly stood up from his seat and threw his hands in the air. He turned away from Charlotte to take a deep breath and collect his thoughts. 

However, when he turned around, he felt his heart break slightly as he took in her form. He would take a hundred versions of her yelling at him over the petrified woman who sat before him now. Her entire body trembled with fear as she avoided his eyes and moved herself to the edge of the couch as if she was ready to escape at a moment’s notice. Her ragged breathes filled their living room as she tried to calm down. 

Michael could not figure out what happened until he replayed the last 30 seconds in his own head, quickly realizing that she was fearful that he was going to strike her. 

And these were the moments that made all of this so hard for him. This was not the first time in their relationship that something triggered her, but her reactions were so visceral now that they knocked the wind out of him. He hated himself for letting his anger get the best of him to the point that he forgot to prioritize her healing and health. He never wanted her to think he would ever do something to hurt her, never wanted her to think he was like Shaun in the slightest. 

He desperately wanted to rush to her side and envelope her in a hug, assure her that he would never - no matter what - raise a hand to her. But he had enough experience with this to know that she had to choose to come to him, had to choose to trust that his touch was gentle and safe. That was not something he could force on her. So he steered himself to the cushion of the couch and sat down. 

“I’m sorry, baby. I didn’t mean to scare you. You know I’d never hurt you. Just take a few deep breaths and when you’re ready to talk, let me know.” 

Charlotte just nodded as she buried her face in her hands for a few moments. She repeated the same mantra she did after nightmares and when she was feeling like there was no safety or security anywhere for her. Her therapist had told her to make a list of everything and everyone who made her feel safe and the very short list had Michael at the top. 

Michael is safe. Michael is home. Michael is safe. He doesn’t hurt you, he makes you feel protected and whole.

It was a small thing but it had become an anchor after nightmares or when memories flooded her mind. Michael was safe and he would never harm her. She would not claim to know everything but she certainly knew that. It took a few minutes as she repeated those words over and over under her breath, and her fingers twisted her engagement ring on her finger. Another coping mechanism she had turned to. That ring meant so much, representing the depths of his love for her. And that was another anchor to her reality, and a reminder that Shaun could invade her sleep and her mind but he could not take anything away from her if she did not let him. 

“I-I’m s-sorry,” she whispered. “I k-know you wouldn’t… I just…” she struggled to find the words to express the chaotic jumbled up mess that was her own mind. But now, she did not even care about the show anymore, part of her just wanted him to not be upset with her. “I d-don’t want you to be mad. I-If you want me to stay, I’ll stay. Ok? I’ll call Chris and I’ll stay.”

Michael immediately shook his head and moved to sit by her, unable to keep his distance. He tentatively touched her bare knee, rubbing it gently as she relaxed into his touch. “I’m sorry, Els. I’m not mad at you. And I don’t want you not to go just to appease me. I’m just… fuckin’ terrified. If you go back and something else happens to you, I’ll never forgive myself. And security or not, the only person I trust with your safety right now is me and I know I can’t be there every day to protect you. But here? I can protect you, I can…” he sighed. “I’m just having a hard time l-letting go.” 

She wiped away a few falling tears. “I know… I get it. Going isn’t easy for me either,” she clarified. “I just… know I have to. I would happily stay in this house with you forever. But I know I can’t… I h-have to go and prove to the world and myself that he didn’t destroy me… that I’m not weak. I’m terrified he’ll be there o-or pop up somehow. But I might feel that way for a long time and I can’t stay here with you forever. That’s what he wants, power over us and our lives and I can’t give him that. But I can’t do that if the one person who knows me better than everyone else thinks I’m too weak to do it.”

“You’re right. You’re right. You’re strong and if you feel like you’re ready, I don’t get to argue with that. I’m sorry… this is just… harder than I thought it’d be.” 

Charlotte shook her head and turned to him. “No, don’t apologize for being overprotective. You’re dealing with trauma just as much as I am. We got a bit caught up in the engagement and… planning for the future doesn’t mean we don’t have to deal with what’s going on right now. I know it’s hard for you too.” 

“Sorry… I don’t wanna be overbearing. I just want to keep you safe.”  

She chuckled. “You’ve barely let me out of this apartment in a week… the overbearing ship has sailed. But that doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate it. But I have to do this tomorrow, and I hope you can respect that.”

Michael leaned in and kissed her softly, cupping her face with his hand. He felt her slightly flinch beneath him as he accidentally grazed a healing bruise. However, she did not pull away and returned his kiss earnestly. 

“They’ll go away,” she whispered against his lips, kissing his cheek as his eyes darkened. “I’ve gotten used to them.” It was as if her body was so used to it, the bruises and pain barely phased her. 

“I’ll never get used to seeing bruises on you, baby.” He pushed her wild curls behind her ear. “You’re the strongest person I know, by the way. I don’t think you’re weak and you shouldn’t either. It takes so much strength to survive all you have.” 

Charlotte felt her eyes go a bit teary. She did not know why the words mattered so much coming from him but they did. Perhaps, it was just the way she wanted him to see her and everything they were going through threatened that image of perfection and strength she always strived for, that image of deservedness she felt she had to maintain to keep him. She needed him to see her as the woman he would want to spend the rest of his life with, not a traumatized broken thing he had to put back together. 

“Thank you for saying that.” 

He opened his arms and she quickly settled into them, immediately feeling more at ease than she had before. He leaned back on the couch and turned the tv on to their mindless favorite show, the Real Housewives of Atlanta. It was mainly Charlotte’s guilty pleasure but Michael could not deny that it had sucked him in too. 

“Thank you,” she whispered as they watched the show. 

“For what?” 

She smiled. “For caring enough about me and my health to be overbearing. I w-wouldn’t have survived all this without you.” 

She shifted into his lap to kiss him deeply. However, before she could take it too far, he stopped her and broke their kiss. 

“You have an early day tomorrow. Not tonight.” 

Charlotte opened her mouth to retort but Michael’s attention had already shifted away from her and back to the antics of the housewives. She hoped the night of their engagement had not been some odd anomaly and that they were truly back on track. Sex was not the end all be all of their relationship but she knew how important it was to both of them. And it did not bode well to her that they had only been intimate once in a week, injuries or no injuries. But she also knew she was not up for another difficult conversation tonight and she knew that that was one she would most certainly lose so she merely settled against his chest to watch their show, tucking the information away for discussion later.  

***

“I-I guess I should leave this here?” She mused, a sad expression on her face as she examined her ring. “I can’t wear it on stage.”  

Michael raised an eyebrow as he studied her and the expression on her face. “You don’t gotta take it off if you don’t wanna.” 

She shook her head. “Chris texted, the paparazzi and reporters are already at the theater so it’ll be all over the gossip sites before lunch if I wear it. It just feels weird to take it off.”

“You sure you gotta go this early?” 

She nodded. “Yea I haven’t done the choreo or anything in almost a week. Gotta practice, make sure I can actually move fully and everything.” She glanced over to him and offered him a suggestive wink. “I could be persuaded to go a little later if you help me warm up.” She grabbed his sweater and pulled him in for a kiss. 

He chuckled and kissed her. “You’re still injured.” 

She wrinkled her nose in confusion. “That wasn’t a problem the other night?”

“Well… we both had an emotional day and were caught up in the moment and shit. I’d feel better if we waited till you heal fully. Just like I’d feel better if you take it easy today.” 

Saying no to her was easily the hardest thing Michael ever had to do. But after seeing her last night, seeing her genuinely afraid that he was going to hurt her, he could not risk doing anything that could trigger her again, at least not until he was sure she was healed emotionally and physically. It sucked and it would mean many cold showers in his future but it was for the best. 

However, Charlotte was not a mind reader. All she felt was the cold slap of rejection from the man she loved. Charlotte found his response odd but she decided not to press it. She supposed the night of their engagement was just a heat of the moment sort of thing. This was, after all, not her most attractive state. 

“I’ll be fine, Bakari.” 

“I could come with you?” 

Charlotte bit her lip as she stifled the immediate yes that bubbled to the surface. As she watched him yawn, she suddenly felt the weight of how much of a burden she was to him. All he had done was adjust his life to hers so she could heal. She just wanted to feel like his equal again and that meant she could not rely on him for everything. 

“Thanks for the offer but I’m good. I’ll be fine.” She tried to make her voice sound sure and decisive, despite the doubt on his face. “Besides, let me worry about you for once. You need sleep without me screaming you awake, babe. You’re exhausted.” 

Michael could not disagree more but something in her tone made him want to acquiesce to her words, despite his reservations. She was not wrong that he could use some true uninterrupted rest. 

“You sure? I really don’t mind coming, nothing wrong with needing some extra support.” 

Charlotte stopped herself from taking him up on the offer. “I know… But I got Adam and we’ll be just fine.”

“You sure?” He walked over and tilted her chin up to examine the bruising on her face. 

She had not finished putting on her make up yet. They were looking better and better each day, though they were not healing fast enough for Michael’s liking. His eyes darkened slightly, Charlotte rubbing his bare arm. 

“I’ll be back to my perfect flawless self soon, promise.” She pecked him on the nose. “And yes, I promise. I know you got shit to do.” 

She walked back to their master bathroom to finish her routine. She took extra care to ensure every bruise and cut was adequately covered before she finished getting dressed. It was like riding a bike, remembering all the techniques to hide the damage he caused. By the time she was done, her skin looked unblemished enough to pass the test with any photographer. 

As she walked around their bedroom, gathering all of her things for the show, she forced herself to think positively as images of Shaun flashed in her mind. She refused to give in to them though. He had taken so much, she refused to let him take this too. 

“Got everything? Baby?” Michael called, pulling Charlotte out of her thoughts, putting his hand on the small of her back when she did not register him. . 

She jumped slightly at his touch. She tried to play it off but she could tell he noticed in how his eyes softened slightly.  

“Yea, yea sorry. Was in my own head. I’m ready. Adam’s been waiting for me downstairs, I should go.” 

She kissed him on the cheek and threw him a soft smile before heading toward the door. She grabbed her keys and her bag as she moved through the living room. However, the ding of the elevator as it opened left her paralyzed, unable to force herself to cross the threshold out of her cocoon and into the real world again. A wave of panic washed over her at leaving for the first time alone and going back there, where he was. She tried to remind herself that he was not there but then all the nightmares of the last week came rushing back. She did not talk about them, particularly not to Michael, because she knew he would never have let her leave if she did. But she could not stop herself from thinking of the worst case scenario now. 

Was she a complete fool for leaving her one and only safe space to give him another opportunity to hurt her? She got lucky twice but she had a sickening feeling Shaun would not error a third time if given the chance to finish the job. All week, had she been completely deluded for believing he would not be so foolish as to try to hurt her again? But when had he ever cared about restraining orders or police? The law had not once stopped him for exercising his control, power, and revenge over her when he really wanted to. Why would it now? 

A voice rang out loudly in her head, encouraging her to turn right around and retreat into her bed with Michael where it was safe. But another voice demanded she put one foot in front of the other and face him head on again. She did not cower before, she could not now. It was all just too much, too scary, too much to consider for one person. 

“Els, baby… Focus on me.” 

She glanced up from the floor to find Michael standing in front of her, his face twisted up in concern. She did not understand what was wrong until she heard them, the shallow quick breaths that filled their quiet foyer that belonged to her.

“That’s it, breathe. You’re ok. Just got a little overwhelmed,” he whispered to her as he took slow deep breaths with her. He knew it was too much too fast. But when it came to her career, Charlotte was the first person he had ever met that was more stubborn than him. 

He cradled her head into the space between his neck and shoulder, Charlotte taking deep breaths of his cologne and natural scent. His arms were tightly wrapped around her. She would have thought it would be suffocating during a panic attack but it was grounding to her, his touch, his soft whispers in her ear.

“I-I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I-I can do it… I can do it.” 

“Hey, look at me, honeybee.” He waited until her glossy eyes were on him before he said, “I know nothing I can say will stop you from going today. But it’s ok if you’re not ok yet, Charlotte. Being scared and honest about that doesn’t make you weak and it doesn’t mean he wins. It doesn’t tell the world you're powerless. It tells them you’re human. And it’s ok to need and want extra support. All you gotta do is ask, baby.” He kissed her ring finger, which was now bare as she had taken it off in their room. “You never gotta do anything alone again. Understand?”

Charlotte glanced up at the ceiling to stop the floodgates from opening. “I j-just feel like such a burden to you these last few days. You’ve done nothing b-but take care of me,” she whispered. “I need to go… I know I do. I have to go, Bakari. B-but I don’t think I c-can go without you. With you is the only place I f-feel safe right now.” 

He kissed her temple. “You’ve never been and will never be a burden to me, love. Give me five minutes.” And with that, he disappeared back into their bedroom.

Charlotte sat down in one of their living room chairs and placed her head in her hands. She hated how quickly she caved. She could not even make it out of their house, let alone to work. She choked back a small sob, this was not how she saw her triumphant return going down. She felt ashamed of herself for not being stronger, for not holding it together better. She just wanted to be strong again, herself again, but that felt farther away than she would have liked. 

“Whatever you’re thinking, Els, stop it. You’re going, that’s what matters… not what support you need to do it. This isn’t a bad thing.” 

She wiped her tears away and took a deep breath before nodding. She was doing the best she could. And that would have to be enough. 

“You’re right, you’re right. Let’s go.” 

Michael interlocked his fingers with hers as he led her back to the elevator. With his presence by her side, stepping into the elevator and the ride down seemed for less jarring, though she could feel her heart racing slightly. She was thankful to find their street void of paparazzi and cameras when they exited. 

Michael, a saint, used the car ride to distract her, sharing updates on Black Panther prep he was about to start. She listened intently as he explained the new diet and workout regime he would have to follow to get the build required for the character. He had no insight to the plot but he shared some directions he thought they might go in based on the comic lore. Listening to him talk about work for 20 minutes was the exact distraction she needed and she was thankful to him for it. 

His musings carried them the entire 20 minute ride to the theater, Charlotte not surprised but annoyed to find a crowd of cameras and people right outside the entrance staff used. 

“Shit. Is almost dying really that interesting to anyone??” She remarked to Michael as Adam asked them to pause while he studied the terrain. He had explained to them yesterday that he had already gone to the theater and done his usual recon. Charlotte could not help but roll her eyes at that. She was not the damn pope or Queen Charlotte herself… she was just Charlie. 

“Well, being attacked on the opening night of your show is shocking so it’s newsworthy to someone.”  

“It’s weird,” she decided. Charlotte liked that her star was a small one. She did not want or care for fame, never wanted to be one of those celebrities that called the paparazzi to follow their every move. She wanted to do what she loved but she also wanted a quiet life, one with some modicum of privacy. 

“Ready when you are, Ms. Bennett.” 

She took a deep breath, sliding her shades onto her face. Michael pressed his lips to her hand, which was still interlaced into his. He had only let her go once to get in the car. 

“I’m right beside you.” 

“I know you are,” she responded sweetly. “Ready.” 

Adam jumped out of the car first and opened their door, Michael sliding out before Charlotte. She focused on Michael’s hand in hers as she ignored the loud calls and flashes of the cameras. The only thing that made her pause was a pack of fans that gathered on the opposite side, most of them young women and holding signs of support for her that made her heart swell. She originally had no intention of stopping or talking to anyone when she thought it was just reporters and express. But those girls added a detour to her journey, much to Adam and Michael’s annoyance. 

All of them held bright smiles as she pushed her shades onto the top of her head. Many of them had Playbills from the show, clearly having gone in the last week and others just had pieces of paper and signs that they asked her to sign. She tried her best to sign every Playbill and paper shoved in her face and smile in the direction of every camera for every selfie. 

Charlotte still found the idea that she had fans to be jarring. It was one aspect of her job that she was not used to at all, that people would camp out anywhere on a cold NYC morning for the chance to get a glimpse of her. 

One of the girls standing there asked for a selfie and as she took it, she said, “Could you sign this? We,” she gestured at the girl next to her that carried such a striking resemblance that she had to have been her twin. “Wanted to get tickets for tonight too but…”

“The ones that were left were so expensive.” The other girl jumped in. “Guess we aren’t the only ones desperate to see you on stage.” 

“We’re here visiting our parents and heading back to Yale tomorrow but figured we could try to get a glimpse of you,” the first girl admitted. “I… just want to say thank you.” 

Charlotte raised an eyebrow. “For what?”

“For showing that leaving is hard but it's never the wrong choice. And that if you’re lucky, maybe you’ll find better,” she glanced at Michael who was quietly standing beside her. 

Charlotte clenched her eyes shut to stop a tear from falling. This girl could not have been a day over 18 or 19. 

“What’s your name?” 

“Chantal and this is my sister, Courtney.” 

She nodded. “Adam,” she called over to the stoic man who had been standing between her and the crowd on the other side of the walkway. “Can you bring Chantal and Courtney around the barrier and inside?” 

“Yes ma’am.” 

Both girls were the picture of shock as they made their way around the steel barriers and followed Charlotte and Michael inside. The young woman marched them around to the General Manager’s office upstairs, both girls utterly perplexed and confused. 

“Charlie! It’s so good to have you back! Chris has been a pain in the ass without you,” Simon remarked as he stood up and wrapped her in a tight hug. 

Charlotte laughed. “Thank you, and I can only imagine.” She flashed him her award-winning bright smile. “Your favorite actress needs a favor?” 

“You name it.” 

“Four front row seats for tonight for my friends here,” she gestured to the two girls, whose mouths had fallen open behind her. 

“You got it. What are your names?” 

Both girls stammered out their full government names while Simon tapped away at his computer. 

“Done. Tickets’ll be waiting for you at will call tonight.” 

“Thank you! You’re the best.” She retreated from his office before walking the girls back to the front to head outside. 

 “W-wait, that w-wasn’t a joke right?” 

Charlotte laughed. “No, not a joke at all. I hope your parents enjoy musicals too. Either way, I hope you both enjoy the show tonight at least.” 

Both girls squealed and threw themselves into her arms, causing Charlotte to laugh. She hugged them both before stepping back. 

“Well, I gotta go rehearse. Make sure I can give y’all the best show possible.” 

“Thank you SO much! You’re amazing and we love you.” 

“No thanks necessary at all. See you tonight.” As the girls scurried off, Charlotte turned to stop them. “Chantal!” 

The young girl turned around as Charlotte closed the space between them.

“You will… find better. The road might be long as fuck,” she admitted, causing the two girls to laugh. “And you’ll take a lot of steps back to take them forward. But it’s not about luck. It’s about knowing you deserve it and being… willing to accept it when it comes. I,” she glanced behind her at Michael who was waiting. “I struggled with that. But I deserved better and you do too, no matter what someone else made you believe.” 

She reached into her purse and grabbed a pen and a spare piece of paper from her notebook. She jotted down her name and phone number and held it out to the young girl who seemed like her jaw might completely detach itself from her face. 

“I know how hard it is… and lonely it is at first. If you need anything, don’t hesitate. And I mean that, truly.” 

“Thank you.” She squeezed her hand before rushing back to her sister, both girls leaving with a bit more pep in their steps. 

She walked back over to Michael who was sporting a look of pure shock. 

“What?” 

“I am just constantly in awe of you.” He pulled her into his arms and wrapped one arm around her waist. “How’d I get so lucky?” 

She smiled. “Pretty sure I’m the lucky one, baby.” 

They shared a chaste but sweet kiss when they heard a couple wolf whistles. Charlotte laughed as she took in Chris and Marcus both staring at them. 

“The queen is back! Thank the good lord,” Chris remarked as he closed the space between them. “Between this damn ulcer and the nightmares, Jason and my doctor will be sending you a fruit basket and flowers.” 

“My understudy wasn’t that bad,” she remarked. The young woman was green to be sure but she was good. 

“Yes but she is no you, my dear. You are one of one.”

“How are you feeling?” Marcus asked as he pulled her into a hug, he examined her with the same quizzical eye Michael often did which made her laugh. 

“She’s fine. Been here five minutes and already giving away four of my most expensive seats in the house. Typical altruistic Charlie.” At Charlotte’s shocked face, Chris shrugged. “I know everything that happens round here.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll pay for them.” 

He shook his head. “Don’t stress about it. We have a block of tickets we budget to give away for one reason or another.” He glanced at Michael beside her. “I see you brought our favorite eye candy back with you.” 

Charlotte laughed and rolled her eyes. “Well, leaving the house was harder than I thought it’d be so Michael offered to come hang out for a bit. Hope that’s ok?” 

“Girl, whatever you need to get your ass back on that stage, I’m fine with. Rehearsal starts in 10.” 

He waved at all of them before leaving Charlotte, Michael, Malcolm and her shadow alone. 

“How are you? Really?” 

While she adored Chris, Malcolm was who she was closest to in the show and was the only one who truly knew her. 

“We’re taking it hour by hour,” she admitted. “And today started off rough but it’s turning around. I’m gonna be ok, I know that much.” 

“That’s what we like to hear.” 

They walked into the theater, the entire company giving Charlotte applause as she walked in. Michael took his seat as she got on stage and did a quick round of hugs to everyone. And then they jumped right into rehearsal. 

Michael spent part of the time doing his own work, answering emails that he had neglected over the last week. He did not regret that but his inbox was abysmal. He knew Charlotte’s was exactly the same. She had talked to her manager once or twice but no work had been accomplished in a week. 

Then he started reviewing the script for his upcoming project. He had been excited originally to play the role but now, he was merely annoyed because it meant he had to return to LA in late June. He did not want a renewal of their argument from the previous night but he knew there was absolutely no way he could convince Charlotte to cut her run short and return with him. And June was Tony’s season and nominated or not, Charlotte would never miss that. However, all of those reasons did not change the simple fact that Michael was fucking terrified. 

This was the love of his life, his future wife, the future mother of his children. Would work ever be more important to him than her safety? And it was not that he did not trust Adam, after all he picked him. But Adam did not love her like he did, did not understand her like he did. Even though it was months away, leaving felt utterly and completely wrong now. And he could not shake the feeling that it was not only a bad idea, it was the worst mistake he could ever make. He knew he could not drop out but he toyed with the probability of getting them to push the filming back, even just a month or two. He decided he’d reach out to his manager and see if it was a possibility. 

He found himself often distracted by Charlotte as she rehearsed. She was a bit stiff at first but she loosened up and fell back into the choreo with ease. This was truly her element, everyone on that stage looked to her for guidance, advice, and support. He could see why Chris was so determined to have her back as soon as possible. She was the glue. 

In between rehearsal and the show, she did interviews that she had not had the chance to do after the premiere. Michael sat next to the young girls they met earlier and their parents and they were utterly in awe of her as she performed. Despite everything, she was better than she was opening night, perhaps because she felt she had more to prove. She left her heart and soul on that stage. 

So much so that she quite literally fell asleep as soon as they got into the SUV to head home. She was utterly beat. She had held it together pretty well most of the day from Michael’s perspective, only having one panic attack when she went back to her dressing room for the first time.

She felt like the ghost of him loomed in the space in a weird way. So much so that she avoided the space until the last possible second and could not enter it alone. She questioned how she would do it every day when Malcolm offered to switch spaces with her. She objected at first, naturally, not wanting to feel like she needed accommodations from anyone. But Michael insisted and she could not deny that it eased some of her panic. 

However, when they got home, she was fairly silent and seemed upset. Michael did not understand why, she had done exactly what she had wanted to today: she had proved he could not take this away from her. 

“You were great today,” Michael offered as they settled into bed. “On all counts.” 

She chuckled humorlessly. “I couldn’t even walk into my own dressing room, Bakari. Couldn’t leave this fuckin’ house without…” She shook her head as she looked up at the ceiling. “I saw him everywhere… like a fuckin’ ghost haunting me every second. And the only thing that stopped me from literally falling apart was being able to look over and see you. If I can’t keep it together on my own, then I can’t…” she clenched her eyes shut. “And then I come here and I try to sleep and he’s there too. J-Just… don’t get a fucking break.”  

She frustratedly wiped a tear from her cheek and flipped onto her side to look away from him. 

Michael sighed and shifted closer to her, spooning her. She tensed up at the unexpected touch before softening into him.

“I know today was hard. But Els, baby… you did it. You left the house, you got on stage, you got a new dressing room, you gave interviews and did everything you needed to do without skipping a beat. That’s not nothing. It’s ok to not be able to hold it together all by yourself. Lean on me, lean on Malcolm and Chris and your castmates to get through the day.” 

“I don’t want special treatment… I don’t want people to see me as their traumatized coworker. I don’t wanna be the weak person he made me forever. It took me years to get over what he did the first time a-and I don’t have years. You aren’t gonna wait years, the world isn’t gonna wait years. I just… want to be ok again now.” 

“Didn’t you tell that girl earlier that it would be a lot of steps back to go forward?” 

She groaned, annoyed that he was throwing her own words back at her. 

“Yes but-“ 

“No buts. You gotta give yourself some grace, baby. You’re gonna have good days when you feel invincible and you’re gonna have days when it feels like you can’t hold it together on your own. And you don’t have to. You’re not broken,” he pressed his lips to her shoulder. “You never were and you certainly aren’t now. It’s gonna be a long road but you aren’t walkin’ it alone.”

“I just…” her words failed her but something in her told her to put on a brave face. She knew she was not walking it alone but she also knew she could not keep bearing all her weight on MIchael. She had to start carrying some of it on her own. Even if he currently felt like she was not a burden, there was no telling how long that feeling would last. 

So she nodded and turned over to face him. “You’re right. It was a good first step and tomorrow’ll be even better. Thanks for today.” 

“Of course. I can come with you tomorrow too?” he offered. 

Charlotte chucked. “Nah, don’t worry about it. I know spending all day in that theater is not fun.” 

Michael shrugged. “Being there for you is fun. I insist.” 

“Bu-” she started to say when Michael pulled her into his chest and kissed her on the forehead, cutting her off. 

“Get some rest. Night, baby.” 

***

“So how are you, Charlie? Really?” Michael’s mom called down the long dining room table as they all enjoyed Easter Sunday dinner.

She was thankful to have a couple days off so she and Michael returned to LA to visit family and escape New York for a bit. Their trip, which had been intended to be an adventure for the pair, had turned into anything but. And there was a safety to returning home, to Michael’s house and to his bed, even if it was only for a long weekend. 

Given that her nieces and nephews were all on Spring Break, it was the perfect time to get the families together. So it was the first time her dad, sister and CJ were meeting Michael’s family. The evening had been perfect so far, she decided, both groups blending as if they were destined to be family. 

“I’m ok… really,” she emphasized at the skeptical glances from everyone at the table, including her fiance. “He’s been out on bail, hasn’t tried anything. He’ll go to prison and that’ll be the end of it,” she assured them. She would never admit it out loud, particularly not within earshot of Michael, but those words were merely for their benefit. Not even 50% of her mind actually believed it. Shaun proved that he was not above biding his time for as long as it took. She would be a fool to believe his obsession with her was over simply because he got caught. But that was not a truth or fear she was in a place to admit to anyone. 

“You’re still havin’ nightmares though…” Michael offered quietly. 

Charlotte cut her eyes toward him with a quick glare that most of the table, thankfully, did not see. It silently said “what the fuck?” to which he merely shrugged as if he did not see the problem with detailing her weaknesses to her entire family. 

It’s the truth, his eyes seemed to shoot back at her.

“Are you ok?” 

“Do you need to increase your therapy sessions?” 

Charlotte immediately groaned internally, overwhelmed by the barrage of questions and concerns. This was exactly what she wanted to avoid. 

“Guys, guys… calm down. Michael is exaggerating,” she answered with a reassuring and calming smile. “I still have nightmares but they are far less than they were at first. It’s progress, but it’s slow. And it’s just been a few weeks. It’s not like last time,” she promised, her eyes trained on Jackson who was most invested in her recovery, aside from Michael. He called her damn near every day twice a day.

“Well, as long as you feel like you’re getting better.” 

“I am, really.” 

“You gonna be ok when Michael comes back this way for his movie this summer?” 

Charlotte nodded immediately, though she was dreading it inside. However, that was not something she could admit either. “Yea it’s gon-“ 

“I actually asked them if we could push filming back,” Michael interrupted. “To the fall when Els’ run is over. Just waiting to hear what they say.” 

Charlotte glanced up from her plate in surprise, that was the first she had heard of this. “What? When did you do that? Why did you do that?” 

“I called my agent and asked her to look into it Thursday before we left New York. Just figured a family emergency and needin’ to be there for you was hard to argue with.” 

Charlotte could not stop the confusion and anger that bubbled under the surface at him. She understood the intention behind his gesture but she did not ask him to do that and to be frank, she did not want it. It was not that she wanted to be alone in New York but she also had worked so hard in the last few weeks to stop burdening him, to heal and move forward. But this was the literal opposite of that. 

“But the summer is several months away. It’ll hardly be an emergency by then. I’m fine.”

He shrugged. “I disagree.” 

“You dis-” she started to say when Jackson interrupted, her sweet but slightly oblivious brother not picking up on the mounting tension between the couple. 

“I think it’s a good thing. Not like you don’t need the extra protection, it’s better this way, Charlie.” 

“Better for who?” She mumbled under her breath before stabbing her piece of ham with her fork. 

“The real question is when are you gonna be free for the bachelorette party?” Jazzmine asked from across the table with a smile. “Lo and I are already starting to plan.” 

Charlotte rolled her eyes as everyone smirked. “Nothing crazy, Jazz… please. I don’t know what time I’m gonna have off so we could legit just get the girls together for a fun weekend in New York. Have the wild NYC nights we didn’t get to have back in the old days,” she teased. 

Lo’s face lit up as she turned to Jazz. “Oh that would be so much fun. I’ll do some research on restaurants and Jazz, can you find us some lounges that we can go out to? Maybe in like July?” 

“You sure you wanna do New York?” Michael asked quietly, pulling Charlotte’s attention away from her girlfriends as they chatted away about her party. 

“Yea, it’s lowkey and easy. Inexpensive for everyone to get to and everything. Don’t need a big fuss. Why?” 

Michael shifted in his seat uncomfortably, Charlotte could almost see the wheels turning in his head as he thought of the right words to say whatever was on his mind. 

“Just don’t think it’s safe for you to be going out to clubs and lounges late like that. You know… least not until after his trial.” His voice was low as to not draw attention to the couple. However, before she could respond, he glanced up at Lauren and Jazz and said, “Plan somethin’ outside the US. My treat, of course. Go wild.”

“God, I love him,” Jazz not-so-quietly muttered under her breath causing the entire table to laugh, except Charlotte. “You sure you wanna marry him, girl? Cause I’ll fight you for him.” 

Charlotte forced a light chuckle from her lips before returning to her food, frustration coursing through her body like a roaring river. She was virtually silent as their families interacted for the rest of the night. She barely spoke, only offering one or two words to Michael’s nonstop chatter when they returned to their bedroom to get ready for bed. 

She wanted to say something to him but she did not know how, nor was she sure which issue to tackle first because for the first time in their relationship, there were several. 

They were still them in the ways that mattered most, still loving and caring and invested in their relationship. But something, or rather several somethings, were simply off track and causing fissures to grow between them. And tonight, she realized that they had gotten too big to ignore any longer.  

Originally, she had thought the lack of physical intimacy was their most pressing issue. Gone were the casual touches and sexual playfulness that they developed in their relationship. They had sex one time since their engagement and it was their worst time together by far. Michael spent the entire time checking in and asking her if she was ok or needed him to stop so much so that Charlotte could not even get into the moment or enjoy the experience. As the incident got further in their rearview, she tried to initiate a couple more times but he always found an excuse so finally, she stopped asking altogether. 

And that was concerning in and of itself, the crumpling of the one area of their relationship that had always been strong. But dinner proved that they were also having serious communication issues that she had been actively ignoring. It was so unlike Michael to make such a giant career decision without consulting her first, without taking into account her own feelings and opinions about her recovery.

Was she completely healed? Were things perfect? Definitely not. But was she moving in the right direction? Was she doing the best she could? Yes and still, she felt like it was not enough to get her fiance to stop treating her like the broken woman he found in that bathroom, battered, bruised and half dead. Even telling her she could not go out in New York with her friends was so on brand for him at the present moment but so unlike anything she was used to from him. And that had not been the first time. They got invited to parties and events and the like in New York and Michael found excuse after excuse for them not to go. She blamed herself for not being more vocal about wanting to go out and be who they used to be so she put all of her efforts into getting better to prove she could handle it, prove she was still the woman he wanted. However, nothing seemed to work. She wanted to move on with their lives and his mind was firmly stuck on who she was on March 1. 

And that made her doubt whether they would. All the things Michael once valued in her, he clearly did not see anymore… why else would he treat her so differently?

“You ok? Want me to make you some tea? Anything hurt?” Michael asked as they got ready for bed. 

Their nighttime routine was typically filled with laughter and conversation but tonight, Charlotte was stuck in her own head, wrestling with why her relationship seemed to be falling apart when they were both so clearly trying their hardest to keep it together. 

“No, I’m fine.” 

“You don’t seem fine.” He sighed, misreading her sour attitude for something else. “I don’t know why you feel the need to pretend like you’re ok with me when you aren’t. It’s just been a few weeks, Els. No one but you expects you to be ok.” 

Charlotte’s knuckles could’ve turned white at the way she gripped the edge of their counter in anger. “You know not every negative emotion I feel is about Shaun, right? Like I’m allowed to just be mad and annoyed at you every once in a while?” 

Michael’s eyes grew wide. “Mad at me?? What did I do?” 

“How about the fact that you made this major decision and didn’t tell me?” 

“What major decision??” 

Charlotte threw her hands up in the air. “Moving your movie schedule, Michael!” 

Michael could tell she was legitimately upset given that she used his first name and not Bakari or another pet name. However, for the life of him, he could not understand the issue. 

“That’s not a big deal tho. I just asked them to push back a couple months.”

“That is a big deal! Asking for an entire movie to be rearranged so you can play the fucking overseer.” 

“That’s not fair. I was tryin’ to help you.” 

Charlotte scoffed. “Help me? Oh and is flashing your wallet around to convince my friends to plan a different party than the one I want helping me too??” 

Michael walked out of their bathroom, the two facing off at the foot of the bed. 

“You aren’t gonna get fuckin’ mad at me for telling you shit is unsafe. No, you don’t need to be fuckin’ around in the middle of the night drunk in New York while he’s still out there. You can be mad all you want.” 

Michael felt no shame or guilt for drawing the line in the sand somewhere. He saw no issue in keeping Charlotte at home. She went to work, they occasionally went to dinner - though he preferred just ordering them take out these days - and that was virtually it. He went to the theater with her almost every day, only leaving around show time and returning with the car to pick her up. It was a sacrifice to be sure. But what did it matter if she was safe and had extra layers of protection? 

“If you had your way, I’d never leave our fucking apartment!” She hurled at him. “You wanna help me? Stop treating me like a fragile doll that’ll break if you aren’t around. Stop… stop denying me affection and love and just admit the truth!” 

“What truth??” 

“You don’t want me anymore!” Charlotte exploded, her own insecurities compounded by her perceptions of her fiancé’s behavior. “You proposed and you regret it and you don’t want me.” 

“That’s the farthest thing from the truth in this world, Charlotte.” 

She closed the space between them as she shouted. “Then why don’t you touch me like you used to? Why don’t you make love to me or fuck me or literally anything anymore? Our relationship is void of physical intimacy that I know both of us need. So tell me. What other reason could it be other than you can’t get the image of what he did out of your head and I’m not the woman you thought I was o-or want anymore? Tell me!” 

Michael’s mouth opened and closed several times, unsure of what exactly to say. He had never seen her so upset, particularly directed at him, over something that was simply not true. However, despite the anger she displayed, something stopped him from telling her the truth. It was foolish to not trust her with his own fears and vulnerabilities but it was unfair to make her healing about him. 

“I promise you it’s not because I don’t want you.” 

Charlotte stared at him, waiting for something… anything to signal to her what the true reason was. But he gave her nothing. 

Charlotte let out a breath that sounded like a cold laugh before nodding and  stalking over to her side of the bed to grab her pillow and favorite blanket, one that Michael used often and carried his scent. 

“I don’t want promises, Michael. I want you to be honest. And until you are ready to admit whatever has you treating me like a patient instead of your future wire, I’ll be in the guest room.” She paused. “Here and in New York.” 

“You shouldn’t sleep alone, Charlotte.” 

“I dealt with nightmares before you, Michael and I can deal with them now. If you really want to help me,” she clenched her eyes shut to stop the tears that welled in them, tears that she knew would not help her case. She was just so tired, tired of everyone in her life and in the media and everywhere she turned fawning over her. She just wanted someone to treat her like nothing had changed and she had hoped that would be Michael. But he could not do it either. “Then start treating me like someone you believe is actually capable of healing. Cause right now, all you treat me like is a woman who's too broken to be put back together again. And if that’s all you see when you look at me, we aren’t gonna make it.” 

And with that, she raced out of their bedroom and down the hallway toward one of the guest rooms, leaving Michael alone. He felt as if he had whiplash, the argument happening so fast over something he felt was so insignificant, he could not fully understand what to do. 

A knock at the door pulled him out of his thoughts. He swung it open to find his father standing in the hallway, two glasses of scotch in his hands. 

“Heard some raised voices. You good, son?” 

“Not really,” he muttered as he took the drink out of his dad’s hand and ushered him inside.

“Feel like I’m tryin’ to do right by Els, give her what she needs and she’s actin’ like it’s too much… or not enough of the right thing… or I dunno. We’ve never,” he flopped down on the edge of their bed, his hand rubbing his head. “We’ve never been like this before.” 

Michael Sr sat down in the arm chair across from his son. “Well, you ain’t been together long enough to be like much. I think you two were made for each other, don’t get me wrong. But marriage ain’t easy ‘n you two are gonna hit more than a couple rough patches where it seems like it just ain’t workin’. And that’s to be expected given what you both went through. You need to talk.” 

“I try to talk to her, pops. Get her to tell me what she's feelin’, how she’s doin’. She just wants to act like everything’s fine when I know it isn’t. I mean, you take care of ma… her health. She doesn’t fault you for being protective. What am I doing wrong right now?” 

His father let out a low chuckle before taking a long sip of his drink. “Bold to assume your momma didn’t cuss me out more than once too. I raised you ‘n your brother the way I was raised. To be a provider, protector, fixer. And I did the same thing you’re doin’ when your momma first started havin’ health issues. Constantly checkin’ in, assuming I knew what she needed or how she was feelin’ better than she did. And just doin’ it cause I thought I knew best. And all I was really doin’ is creating resentment.”

“What you mean?” 

“I mean… your mom didn’t and still doesn’t want a doctor, she has a doctor. She didn’t need a therapist. She wanted her husband, a safe spot to land ‘n know I was gonna treat her like her when the days were good ‘n jump in ‘n pull the extra weight on the bad days. But that I was still gonna let her be her, not treat her like a sick person who can’t take care of herself. But I felt so outta control as a protector and fixer that I went overboard tryin’ to fix somethin’ that couldn’t be. Took a lot of counseling to get outta that.”  

Michael raised his eyebrow in shock. His parents were not of a generation that typically had a positive outlook on therapists and counseling. He also would have never thought their marriage ever required it. His parents’ marriage, in his mind, was the blueprint. 

“Really?” 

“Yea… I mean it was different than what you kids do now with licensed therapists. But yea, we went to counseling with our pastor ‘n it helped. Helped both of us admit what we needed, helped us find common ground. N now, I protect your mother while respecting her boundaries. I know you. You’re tryin’ to fix something that only Charlotte and time can fix. And if you hold on too tight, try to fix too much cause you’re afraid of losing her, you’re just gonna lose her in a different way. This is your first taste of marriage, son. Shit ain’t easy but it’s worth it.” 

His dad stood up and patted him on the shoulder before walking toward the door. However, as he opened it, he stopped and turned. 

“Another piece of hard-earned advice?” Michael nodded for him to continue. “You just learned how short life is, how precious every minute is. You don’t go to bed alone or angry ever. You ain’t gotta fix it tonight, you ain’t even gotta talk about it tonight. But don’t let her fall asleep down that hall thinkin’ you don’t wanna fix whatever this is. Understand?” 

“Yea I gotchu. Thanks pops.” 

“Anytime, son.” 

Michael downed the rest of his drink before grabbing his own pillow and walking down the hallway to the guest room he knew Charlotte would be in. The door was not closed all the way so he peeked through the crack for a moment, studying her form which was curled into a tight ball in the middle of the bed. Her light sniffles reached his ears and immediately propelled him forward. 

He knocked on the door.

“Come in,” she called, her voice broken and small. She forced herself into a seated position, wiping her tear-stained cheeks as she sat up. 

They stared at each other expectantly for a few moments before Michael stepped forward. 

“I know I’ve been… distant in a lot of ways the last few weeks. And probably overbearing and controlling, which isn’t what I want you to feel. And I’m sorry for that. And if I had the right words to explain why, I would. But I don’t. I don’t know what this feeling is o-or how to describe it to you. And I can assure you it’s not because I don’t want you. I’ll always want you. But I know this isn’t what you need and this isn’t the relationship I want for us. I know you’re already working with your therapist but maybe we can try couple’s counseling? For a couple weeks? Maybe we can get back on track sooner rather than later.” 

“Really?” she asked. Michael had never expressed anti-therapist sentiments and supported her journey wholeheartedly but he always said he never considered going himself, never thought he would need one. “I thought about suggesting it for us… after everything. I just figured you wouldn’t be into it.” 

Michael meandered over to her side of the bed and sat down, his hand rubbing her leg. 

“I’m into whatever you and I need to do to get back on the same page. I love you and I want you and I know I haven’t been myself lately,” he admitted. “But I hear you and I’m willing to figure it out so I can support you how you need me to.” 

“Thank you… for that. And I’m sorry for blowing up at you. I just… I just want to be me again. I want us again,” she mumbled, bringing her knees to her chest. 

“I know. And we’ll get there. I promise. I’m in it for the long haul, even if we gotta go to so many sessions we fund a beach house for your therapist.” 

Charlotte let out a cackling laugh. “I mean I’ve definitely already funded her beach house… maybe a like cabin in the woods next… she loves that type of stuff.” Charlotte rolled her eyes with a chuckle before her face returned to it’s more solemn expression. She stared at him for a few minutes before grabbing her pillow. “Will it completely ruin my street cred next argument if I come back to our room? This bed sucks,” she muttered. It was harder than their bed and more uncomfortable but the reality was, she had no interest in sleeping alone even if she was still upset. 

Michael kissed her on the forehead and gestured toward the door. “A very small ding in street cred,” he joked. “But,” he lifted up his own pillow. “I lose some too for coming in here like a lost damn puppy.” He joked, both of them laughing. 

“God, we can’t even do one night mad at each other right.” 

“I think that’s a good sign,” Michael remarked. “Think that means we’re gonna be just fine.” 

“Yea… we will be.”

Tag List: @certifiedlesbianbaddie @bangtanxmegan @reelwriter19 @prettyisasprettydoes1306 @hi888888sworld @msniaimani @destinio1 @lynaye1993 @chaoticevilbakugo @blackerthings @pipsqueak-98 @miyuhpapayuh @passionxwrites @gopaperless @injerafiend @ari17

A/N: Thanks so much for reading! Drop a comment and let me know what you think and how therapy's gonna go for our favs. This'll be the last update till December!

Let me know if you want to be added to the tag list!

[phyrexian-lesbian]

Final Take on Series 14/Season 40

(It will never be season one cry about it)

Alright so Space Babies brings the while season down at least 50% so we're gonna ignore that episode- which is also useful advice for anyone watching Doctor who.

Excluding space babies, there are a handful of episodes that, stand-alone, are really good. Of course, there'd never be more than a handful because the international franchise pairing with corporate overlords only had time for 9 episodes apparently.

In fact, I like most of the season, considering I don't watch them as a season. Church on Ruby Road was interesting, playing with the idea of magic and the Timeless Child arc.

The Devil's Chord was fun and intriguing, playing with the gods and monsters idea again, and having cool 4th wall breaks and a fun villain. Its drawbacks were the stupid fucking musical number that rtd wrote with no canon reason other than "Maestro's influence", which is a repeat of what he did with the 60th (writing utter bullshit and pinning it on a stupid fucking cause that makes 0 canon sense).

Boom was incredible. For starters, it was written by someone who wasn't rtd, so that's amazing. Also, as a theatre kid, having tur central actor unable to move their body for the entire performance tickled my brain in all the best ways. All in all, it felt like an episode from 12's era, when Doctor was at its peak for me. Great episode. Made me hopeful for the future (hahahaha😶)

73 Yards was also incredible (ignoring the finale). It heightened that (false) sense of mystery surrounding Ruby, and ramped up the horror subtheme started by Wild Blue Yonder. I really enjoyed it, and it was a great story. Felt a lot like Heaven Sent, which is am achievement (All of this praise is for the standalone. RTD pissed all over his good writing with the finale, and 73 Yards was ruined by EoD).

Dot and Bubble played with some interesting ideas but was kinda meh. It was a cool reality to see 15 suffer racism (bit like 13 suffering misogyny), and it was good to see the Doctor mad again.

Rogue was very cool, and I thought it was great. Made me wish we had a Thasmin kiss tho.

Legend of Ruby Sunday, aka the good half of the finale, was very interesting. All the mystery and the magic and the reunions. They dismissed the whole bigeneration plot line, and the fact that 15 didn't see any of this shit coming meant that the bigeneration plot line was completely fucked. 14 and 15 aren't the same person in a looped time line. They're just clones of each other. The whole "therapy" situation is utter bullshit. RTD just can't kill t*nnant for shit (fr love David Tennant in other stuff and as a person in general just getting sick of him in Dr who). Sutekh's reveal could have been handled a bit better, but overall his entrance gave me chills. Loved that. Just needed a bit more detail on how he avoided the TARDIS sensors for two thousand years.

And finally, the episode that untied all the others from each other, Empire of Death. The mystery that terrified Maestro, the God of music and revels, and caught the obsession of Sutekh, the God of death and eternity, was utter bullshit. Ruby's mum is just some guy. A nice thought- we thought she was some godlike entity but she was just an ordinary human. Except. We didn't think that. RTD wrote that. The snow, the "song in her soul", the fact that Ruby's mum couldn't be perceived with anything but the naked eye, not even with Time Lord equipment- that's all superhuman shit. You can't explain that away with "she's normal". That's not how it works. Oh and the God of literal actual Death was defeated by a real good dogleash? Nah man. If you want us to take things seriously, don't pull shit like that. Also they defeated him literally the same way they did last time, adding the aforementioned dog leash. Also the fact that her mum is just normal means that the whole mystery about the specter's words in 73 yards is just... pointless? Completely useless?

Also, no one names their daughter by pointing at a sign (that wasn't there in the original shot).

And Ruby's exit was so nothing. I didn't feel a single thing. There was no emotional connection to the character. She left of her own directive. After 9 45minute episodes. Don't know if people honestly were emotional about that, because there was nothing there.

Overall, good episodes. Bad season.

[officialtrashbin]

Ok ok ok ok ok wrap-up thoughts on the season now that the finale is out:

First of all, DEATHBIT DEATHBIT DEATHBIT

2) ok the subplot with Rogue and Magneto actually grew on me. Like, she’s rejected him ultimately but they still mattered to each other and they still do, it’s just not romantic from her side anymore. I can’t blame magneto for not getting over her rejection I’d never be able to take the psychic damage of losing Rogue

also yeah the age gap was a little weird but I’m living for the drama and the potential for their platonic friendship. I want to make a comment about how their stint is an example of unidentified trauma becoming trauma bonding but then I have to like…write it.

3) I actually think Roberto and Jubilee were super cute and have elected to give their storylines a pass. Like they’re just kids coming into adulthood and have found comfort in each other, that’s good enough for me for now. (Though I’d like to see more of comic-accurate Sunspot being adapted but I digress. It’s only been 1 season.)

Also I think Sunspot awkwardly hanging around the Xmen slowly coming to terms with his speedran adoption is the funniest basis for an arc and have no further comments. Might write a fic later on his Struggles.

4) KURT JOINING THE MOTHERFUCKIN SQUAD BABYYYY and literally just everything about him. Being so supportive of Rogue and holding her and encouraging Gambit and just 😭😭😭😭

5) PHOENIX JEAN PHOENIX JEAN I LOVED JEAN

6) cyclops was one of my least favs in the original, this show put so much respect back on his name. I actually adore him now—plus the scenes with him doting on his grown ass man child is hysterical. Need more of it. I need this guy telling people this Hulk Hogan of a unit is his lil boy.

If Nathan isn’t seen later at a baseball game with Scott in a Summer 01 jersey and the cyborg arm badly painted over I’m committing crimes.

7) I think Storm needed way more screen time. I know there were scenes with her written out due to budget issues (and also them skipping her goodbye to Gambit made me annoyed) but like. The fact that her centric arc was put across two episodes shared with other episodes was irritating.

7.5) In this same vein I missed Bishop, I got so attached!!!! but here’s to hoping he’s kicking ass again in s2!

8) the rate in which I fell in love with these characters all over again is insane. Like harder than the original show in a fraction of the time.

9) Rogue did nothing wrong. 😭

10) Magneto definitely wasn’t right, but it’s interesting to witness how they justified his view point with Genosha and Bastion, and the ripple effect it had on people who didn’t even agree with him in the first place.

11) Cherik lmfao they were SO gay. I’m all for affectionate besties and dudes being shown as having close platonic bonds but this was Very Affectionate Besties with Seductive Grin Bedroom Eyes Charles Every Two Sentences.

12) honestly want a version of this show though where Charles stayed gone. I actually like him! I just think not having him around to help guide everyone made things so much spicier. Magneto was StrugglingTM for Real

13) Gambit’s death was so good, but I definitely figured he’d be coming back somehow because there was no way they were offing him thinking Rogue didn’t choose him.

14) speaking of, I was mostly joking in my shitposts about Death Gambit cause I had my money on a possible Sentinel Gambit with Bastion’s introduction, but the moment they went to Egypt I started clawing up all my old shit posts.

15) ROGUE DID NOTHING WRONG (lots of wrong but you know what? I love her. She can commit wrongs again.)

16) Beast was so good but I also low key wish he had a bit more screen time. His bitterness after Genosha was short-lived, I wish it had been explored more, like Charles talking it out of him or something and reminding him about their goals or…something.

17) Bastion was awesome no notes, hope he comes back as a horseman for the flex

18) hot Magneto no notes

19) hot Apocalypse no notes

20) crop top Gambit no notes

21) “His name was Gambit! Remember it!” Rogue was so beast in this season, it was cathartic watching her beat the shit out of Bastion. Her and Sunspot honestly make for a cool combat duo and I want to see them interact more.

22) DEATH GAMBIT AAAAAAHHHHHG

23) ey yo hold up does this mean Leech and the Morlochs and the perished Genosha mutants are permanently dead??? 💀

24) Logan and Morph were definitely something this season and I adored it, I adored Morph especially. Like Morph really said I Love You even if it was as Jean, I take what I can get

26) Magneto ripping Wolverine’s skeleton out like homie wouldn’t try to kill him with a wooden chair if given the opportunity. If anything now Logan has 0 weaknesses and a personal vendetta he can act upon. Rest in pieces Erik.

27) A goddess, a gravely injured Canadian, and a metaphor for gender identity walk into a bar and all 3 say “ouch” (bad joke. You’re welcome. Don’t worry guys, Storm is there so their arc will be wrapped up in about 12 minutes. Sorry can you tell I’m still mildly salty about her lack of screen time)

28) Rogue launching Cap’s shield is 11/10. Do it again do it again (woulda been top tier humor if the end credits showed him still looking for it frantically as the asteroid got closer)

Mostly that’s all I got. I have various other thoughts including how fucking HYPE seeing my fav duo Cloak and Dagger made me, but these were the key personal takeaways.

[crowleysgirl56]

The year was 1996. Growing up in Australia one of our free to air TV channels (channel 7 specifically) had a kids morning program that would show random cartoons (shout out to anyone who understands when I reference Agro’s Cartoon Connections). One particular morning I woke to a new cartoon. The animation style reminded me of Transformers and its theme song began with a catchy guitar riff.

🎶Fighting evil by moonlight. Winning love by daylight!🎶

Wait. What?! This is certainly something that Ive never seen before. Intrigued I watched with rapt fascination. There was a talking cat and a girl with beautiful long hair who was actually a secret super hero.

Her name was Sailor Moon.

I was 12 years old and completely hooked. I immediately started wearing my hair in pigtails (I was never able to grow my hair long and it was always terribly thin. Oh that hair envy never went away). I fantasied about how I was also a secret moon princess and one day my Tuxedo Mask would find me and whisk me away. I would look for Luna on every corner, but the talking cat never showed up.

I remember crying so hard when Serena and Darian (original English dubbing!) were separated and ached for them to be reunited (gee, funny how those kinds of obsessions never go away. Or just get transferred…). It was only ever season 1 and 2 that aired here and I was lucky that they replayed it at least three times over the years. I remember there was this one tiny shop at my main shopping centre devoted to anime (a rare thing in the 90’s and early 2000’s) where you could buy VHS copies of season 1 and 2. Unfortunately a poor high school student could not afford $36 a tape.

Years later when Sailor Moon Crystal started, the same English dub cast redubbed the entire original series as well. I eventually collected them and watched them all on DVD, and watched all the episodes I never saw (man, Sailor Moon Super S really rambles doesn’t it).

I loved Crystal because I thought the retelling in a more condensed version (without the filler episodes) got us to the point of the arc much quicker. And I like that Usagi and Mamaro didn’t hate each other to begin with.

With the second part of Sailor Moon Cosmos now watched it brings my Sailor Moon journey to an end (well…not quite an end, I never did get around to reading the mangas). But as a 40 year old woman who’s been obsessed with this show since before I was a teenager, I’m always amazed I still love it as much as I do. So whenever anyone ever tells you “this is just a passing fad. You’ll grow out of it” or somehow makes you feel disparaged for loving something so intensely, remember the things you like are for you and you alone and no one can tell you how to go about loving them.

So here’s to my first love. My first obsession. My first hyperfixation. The first couple that I desperately wished could be together, whose love never strayed far from my mind. Thank you for the journey!

[tamlinrose]

NuWho Characters as The Entities (TMA)

9th Doctor- The Desolation.

He is fresh off the time war, where millions were sacrificed in flame. He is the main cause of death of his entire people and rose like a phoenix from the ashes. DEFINITELY the desolation

Rose- The Eye.

Come on, she becomes an all knowing goddess of Time. How could Bad Wolf NOT be the Eye??

Captain Jack Harkness- The End.

He literally dies over and over and over. Even though he can’t permanently die, I’d say he’s feeding The End some good cosmic horror

The Tenth Doctor- The Lonely.

Pretty self explanatory. He desires companionship so much, but everyone leaves him, whether by choice or force. In the end, he is all alone. And regenerates knowing that for all the connections he made, none could stay. Sad wet boy

Martha- The Hunt.

I debated this one, but I think especially her traveling across the world with the sheer determination to defeat the Master shows her becoming the predator instead of the prey. She also becomes a unit soldier, and her arc is her adopting the soldier mentality the doctor so hates about himself onto herself out of survival.

Donna- The Spiral.

Her whole arc is around not being able to trust herself, her own mind because she’s been told she isn’t clever or worthwhile so many times. Not to mention Fear Her, where everything about the World is Not Right and she’s at the center of the wrongness vortex.

Sarah Jane- The Web.

She’s a journalist, she’s constantly picking at threads, finding out information she shouldn’t have, weaving it to her will. I also think that the doctor dropping her off and ditching her without her consent is playing into the fear of having your life puppeted by forces outside of your control.

11th Doctor- The Stranger.

Idk something about him… his penchant for theatrics, his burning desire to be human but always being just slightly left of human behavior, mannerisms. It’s like he’s mimicking the humanity he wants so bad, but it just gives him the uncanny valley affect that makes him even more alien than ever.

River- also the Web

She is scared of being controlled by forces beyond her. She was brainwashed into wanting to kill the doctor and ultimately it is not her will that pushes her to do so. She lives to be free of influence but she is controlled by the outside forces of the time stream discrepancies that keep her and the doctor apart.

Amy- The Flesh.

Okay this is for silly goofy reasons, but the fact she was LITERALLY a flesh avatar for like a full season really sells it for me. Not to mention a lot of her arc is very centered on body horror (pregnancy without her knowledge, giving birth, not being able to have kids, etc).

Rory: Also an avatar of The End.

He just dies so many times man, him and captain Jack should go to couples therapy or smthn

12: The Dark.

Okay hear me out. It’s the oldest fear entity, which I think really folds in with 12s general air of wisdom and the fact he’s been around a fucking long time. Also, he has that entire episodes where he tries to find out what lives in the dark at the end of the universe, and what lives under the bed that absolutely does not wish to be seen.

Clara: Also The Desolation

She is sooooo self destructive man. Especially after Danny Pink dies, she’s willing to burn it all to the ground. Her eventual demise is because she is impulsive to a fault, and in some ways it could be argued she has a death wish.

Bill: The Vast

She just gives me that childlike wonder for new worlds and the open sky. IK this seems like pretty vague reasoning but I think like Simon Fairchild she just loves the vastness of the universe so much that she eventually goes travelling with star eyed girl to see it all.

13: also The Vast

Citing that youthful wonder again. Honestly I don’t know much about 13 or her companions so if you have Headcanons for Yaz, Ryan, Graham and 13 hmu! Tag them below

The War Doctor: The Extinction

Self explanatory. He’s the doctor who ends it all, his entire species. And that choice defines and haunts him into future incarnations.

The Master: The Slaughter

Senseless chaotic violence for the sake of violence. Sounds pretty on brand.

If you have any contradictions, additional thoughts, or help on 13s era I’d love to hear it in the tags!!!