#i wonder if my chronic pain is related to my chronic stress oh well

[dagasinfilo]

something about me is that i always forget i get super sick when i’m stressed

[pastafossa]

hi pasta :) hope your week is going well so far !!

i dunno if you’ve spoken about this or been asked before (i apologise if you have) but i was just wondering how you always get matt’s characterisation so spot on?? if i didn’t know any better, i’d have thought you wrote the show. i can literally always picture him doing/saying the stuff you write <333

😭😭😭 This is like, an AMAZING compliment oh my god, thank you so much!

As for the question I'm not sure if I've talked about it before but ironically seeing it in my ask box triggered a discussion with sis. Like, I know there are folks who have a different take on Matt than mine. That's valid! So I don't want to be like... 'I did the research and delved and etc etc' because they do too. But eventually me and sis arrived at a conclusion that it's a few combos of things that makes Matt easy for me to click with:

A lot of psych classes in college that ironically I've used more for writing than anything else. This helped me understand some of how Matt's background of abandonment and trauma would potentially affect him and influence his coping techniques and behavior. I like learning psych stuff in general so that all wound up being an influence. I'll always recommend digging into this when working with characters!

I've watched Daredevil over and over and over and over and the more I've rewatched, the more I wind up picking up on new things and analyzing what Matt is thinking or feeling (bless Charlie for giving Matt so many little hints and fidgets and subtle touches of what Matt's internally feeling). This includes interviews, behind the scenes stuff, anything breaking down the why of Matt. I'm familiar with him at this point.

There are certain parts of Matt's character that I relate to incredibly strongly as a disabled person with chronic pain raised in the church, and also as someone who went through a long lonely period of depression where I felt very isolated, and then was afraid when I did finally make friends that they'd leave me. So. There's always an element with Matt that's like, 'ah I get it', this sense of resonation. I feel like that natural click with Matt really helped me when writing him, cause... been there, get the motivation, also dude needs to cry more and let that stress out, trust me.

This sounds weird but me and my sis love to break characters down, rip them apart to examine their insides. We love our favorite characters and talking about all their wholesome or badass elements, but we also gd love and have fun dissecting flaws, fuckups, the shadow self, character trauma, are they the asshole, is EVERYONE the asshole, what does this mean when he did this or that. The whole Pasta clan is immersed in that - Dad was a theatre major so got a lot of practice, Mom's loved lit forever, and we all have this tendency, so I got very comfortable very early with taking characters apart in a really honest way to figure out how and why they tick and what the writer/actor is trying to tell you. And since we've all seen Daredevil, and dad has also read a lot of the earlier comics, we've all more than once metaphorically laid Matt out on the table like a frog and dissected his character. I feel like having someone who's not only willing to talk about these layers with you, but also comfortable enough with you to kinda push back and go 'Or what if he was doing it because of this' or 'Ok yeah you love him but he was actually being the asshole here because *valid reason*' is important. Get you some allies who love to know why characters tick!

So basically lots of reading, really enjoying picking characters apart with fam, and familiarity, all mixed up in a bucket of 'Ooooh poor thing, I've been there and that was not fun. You really need therapy and maybe some antidepressants.'

[iliveforyouilongforyouvesuvia]

Hi, is it possible to have M6 hcs with an MC having a depressive episode please? Thank you in advance, I love your work <3

The Arcana HCs: M6 with an MC struggling with depression

~ apparently you guys' new favorite thing to do is send me requests that I can relate to a little too well. Have some comfort, my darlings, and remember to be kind to yourselves. Healing is slow but it is happening - brainrot ~

Julian

Caring for you during a depressive episode is more instinctive for him than the day-to-day part of living with depression

He knows what it's like to be really emotionally low, but he doesn't know what it's like to be permanently stuck there

And for someone who runs on emotional energy, not having any at all doesn't resonate with him

Which is why he's quickly becoming Vesuvia's leading medical expert on the condition. What he can't understand right away, he'll study until he does

And oh dear, the more he learns, the more he aches for you. It's the emotional equivalent of chronic pain/fatigue and nobody will make you feel more valid in that than he will

There's just one problem - he can't keep a schedule to save his life and he's sometimes more empathetic than is good for him

It's an important growing moment for him. He'll have to learn how to better himself to help you without feeling responsible for your troubles

He keeps a checklist to go over with you every day, somehow without ever making you feel judged if you didn't do everything

Healthy amount of food? Check. Healthy amount of sleep? Check. Sunlight? It was raining. That's okay, we'll go on a picnic tomorrow!

It's also his way of being able to tell if it's getting bad again

When that happens, he'll encourage you to give yourself the freedom of a few days of rest. No expectations, no to-do lists. A good doctor knows the value of bed rest

It's really good for him too - since he wants to check up on you regularly it means he's taking consistent breaks and actually getting enough sleep for once

You bring him so much joy just by being there when he wakes up in the mornings. Being able to help you keep that sparkle in your eyes means so much to him

Asra

They aren't very depression-prone themselves, but they know how hard it is to carry a heavy heart. It's why giving you half of theirs was one of the easiest trades they ever made

And it's also why he gets what you're going through better than anyone else does, because he can literally feel what you're feeling, if you let him

The first time you let them tap in to your shared bond on a fairly bad day, they said it was like trying to dance with fogged-over glasses and weights on every limb. No wonder you're tired!

He doesn't mind doing things a little differently (since when did he do them normally anyways?) so he likes getting the important tasks done with you

They get up with you on workdays and turn breakfast and dinner into daily dates. Wherever their whims take them while you run the shop, they'll always be back in time to help close and take you on a long sunset stroll

Baths used to stress you out - it was the last hurdle before finally getting to sleep - and now they're the highlight of your day

It's not nearly as overwhelming when the bath's already drawn with some new random luxury product to try out and a fluffy-haired lover who insists on lifting you in and out (it makes him happy, let him have this, MC!)

Weekends are for sleeping in, cuddles on the roof in the sunshine, and hours of reading books in the pillow pile

When a nasty episode hits, they'll take you on vacation to Nopal. They notice how much effort you put in, it makes sense that you need rest and they want to make sure you have it

So many hugs and snuggles, all the time, every day. He's so proud of you and he tells you that constantly

Because he doesn't need you to be happy or energetic or exciting for him to love you. He just needs you to know that you're loved.

Nadia

Nobody knows what it's like to feel stuck and unable to get one's life back like she does. She spent three years comatose like that

She's a little horrified when she gets a clear picture of what life can be like for you. She had a way out, and a Devil to blame and subsequently defeat. You're running on your own determination

She thinks you're one of the strongest people in the world for that

It shows her why you seemed to know how to pull her out of her sleep. And she's determined to do the same for you

She pulls you out of bed to do yoga with her every morning. If it's sunny (and it often is) she'll take it onto the balcony so you can kill two birds with one stone

It's okay if you need to go back to sleep after. Just let her do this with you

She has a reason to schedule breaks into her day now to spend half an hour with you and make sure you're both getting what you need

Because lunchtime gets so busy and dinner is often an important event, she makes sure to have a late morning tea with you every day, from 10-11 AM

Fresh fruit, some dried meats and cheeses, juice and tea, and the most delicious baked treats. It's light and filling and nourishing enough to get you through the day if you can't manage much else

It's easier to act like it's not getting bad again when you can save your energy just for your shared moments. It's why Nadia feels so guilty for the first few times she didn't notice until it was too bad for you to do even that much

Fortunately for you, there's a palace full of employees who have you to thank for getting a competent person in charge again

They want to see you flourish too, so one word from housekeeping is all Nadia needs to whisk you off to the seaside for some R&R

You pulled her out of her daze and are the strongest person she knows. Returning the favor for her beloved is her greatest honor

Muriel

Oh yeah, that thing where life feels like walking through sludge and all you want to do is hide and sleep, so that's what you eventually end up doing all day? Yeah he does that too

Or at least he did, until you dragged him down a continent with the scariest woman he's ever met on a wild goat chase

It's starting to make sense to him now. You knew to reintroduce him to the fun of comfortable clothes and good food and the safety of companionship because that's what you needed too

And he's not leaving that fog behind without bringing you with him

He doesn't want you to force yourself into a busy, colorful life of excitement and adventure. He doesn't want that for himself either

But he's learned the value of a life that can move as slowly as it needs to as long as it doesn't get stagnant

You can sleep in if you want to. But he's bringing you breakfast in bed. He won't say anything but he won't leave to start his day until you eat at least half of it

You don't have to go on a walk if you're not up for it. But he'll leave the door and windows open and move the bed right below them

You don't have to take a shower. But he'll hold you in his lap by the fire with a clean rag and a bucket of warm water and some soap and a big, fluffy towel

It's okay if you can't feel anything. It's okay if you can't stop feeling everything. Sit with it as long as you need to. He'll just be next to you with a glass of cool, fresh water from the nearby spring

Of course, things aren't always that bad. You have good days, and better days, and great days, and tired days, and gray days, and everything days, and nothing days, and quiet days, and loud days

Sometimes you're the one bringing him a glass of water and opening the windows

But you're both slowly having more good days than bad ones, and life is starting to get lighter. And neither of you are fighting alone

Portia

Depression and burnout can look pretty similar. The big difference is that one of them is something you generally bring on yourself, and the other one tends to show up uninvited and unannounced

She's plenty familiar with burnout. Depression not so much

She's quick to notice when you go several days in a row without smiling very much. And when you can't pull yourself out of bed one morning, she's so sympathetic and on board to help

But it's hard not get upset with her when her first question is, "so what were you doing for it to get this bad, MC?"

It makes it even harder to talk about, but Portia is the palace's honorary librarian at this point. Between the research she does there and the general medical description and advice Ilya gives her, she'll come back with plenty of notes

She will feel so bad about what she said earlier that you will definitely need to hug it out

She's such a get-up-and-go person that she doesn't have to think twice about helping you keep a schedule. That's how she lives already. Now she's just cooking a full breakfast for two, not one

She still takes you on her ambassador trips, but the plans she comes up with take your energy levels into account as well as hers

You're having a better day? Time to go sightseeing and find an adventure

You're not doing as well? Take a day on the boat. Nap on the deck in the sunlight. The crew love you too, they'll bring you fruit and she'll get all the boring meetings out of the way while you rest

It can be a little daunting being a partner to someone who is sunshine personified when you feel like mud most days

And it's tricky for her to learn how to sit with someone in pain without feeling like a failure for not being influential enough to fix it

She sees you as the best part of her world and thinks, no wonder you're tired. Take a rest. She'll keep things running

Lucio

At first he's worried that you're falling sick very, very slowly

You don't have energy for the things that he knows you enjoy, you're sleeping more, and the dulled look in your eyes makes him wonder if you're in pain

You're trying not to let it get to you because being an adventurer is fun! Exciting! And it's Lucio's fresh start on life, so you're scared of ruining it. You don't want to drag him down on his way up

But finally one morning you just can't get yourself out of bed. And he's increasingly worried, so you explain it to him

It ends up lifting his spirits more than anything. He could tell you were ill, but this illness doesn't seem fatal. It's just something you have to live with that makes some days a lot harder than others

He doesn't have a lot of intuition for taking care of sick people, but he's getting better and better at learning from his mistakes

You say taking care of your body helps? Every time he gets hungry he makes sure you eat something too. Every time he bathes he pulls you in. Every time he goes outside he invites you.

If you say no too often he will pout. Which will quickly give way to his unexpectedly adorable puppy eyes, because he loves you and doesn't want your sickness to hurt you MC!

Of course, healing is never linear. There are still times when the only thing you have energy for when you open your eyes is closing them again

And as much as he worries for you during those times, Lucio isn't burdened by them. It's a chance to show you he loves you and to return the favor you showed him by sticking by his side

It's also his moment to be the magnanimous, powerful Count he wanted so badly to be. He'll protect you, he'll take care of you, he gets to be your hero and let you be comfortable!

You are his best. If that means you need to take a break and sleep, then go ahead. Precious things are meant to be treasured

[plasticnightmaredoll]

So, this is a little goofy thing featuring Arkham Knight Eddie and a female!o/c  that was inspired by an actual dream I had recently. Like, literally, the dream mentioned in this story is almost exactly the same.

It’s pretty short and I’m....not entirely sure it’s good but I dunno...I wanted to get that dream out of my head somehow and turn it into something positive so...here is this silly drabble.

Contains some smut and suggestive comments, but nothing overly explicit. 

Words: 2104 Title: i'm best when I'm In love Rating: M (going with the AO3 smutty content labels here)

“My Dear, you’re struggling,” Edward said as he moved one of his pawns. 

“Well, I have yet to beat you, Eddie,” Sara responded in a tense voice, letting out a sharp, frustrated breath.

“True, but lately, you’ve been performing much better than this. Right now, your tactics are sloppy, like when I first started teaching you.”

“Chess takes time to learn, right?”

“Correct, and you have the benefit of learning from an astounding genius like myself. However, your focus is not on the game, so no matter what I say, you’re still going to lose much sooner than you should.”

“It’s not over yet.”

Edward’s gaze moved from the chess board to Sara’s agitated expression, noting the almost pained look in her eyes as she tried so very hard to concentrate on the game. It was easy to see that she was becoming more panicked by the second, and whatever skills she had acquired from his teachings had gone out the window for the time being.

“No, but the way you’re tap, tap, tapping that Knight piece on the table indicates there’s a much more serious problem here,” Edward said.

Sara hadn’t even realized she was doing it, and quickly stopped once she looked down at her right hand. The Knight piece was given a much-needed break as she set it on the table and tried to gather her thoughts.

“Sorry,” Sara said, running a hand through her hair. 

As much as Edward wanted for Sara to look at him, he knew how nerve-wracking it could be for her to make direct eye contact when she was upset. It did sadden him, though, that she had barely glanced at him the whole time they’d been together that day, and part of him wondered if there was something he did to make her uncomfortable -- or something he didn’t do. Both of them had a lot of pent up emotions, and while they were quick to unleash them when under stress, they were also terrible at asking for help or simply being vulnerable in general. So, he had to approach this cautiously. 

“Where is your mind at, Dearest Devinette?” he asked, tilting his head slightly to the side.

Sara let out a little huff which was as close to a chuckle as she could muster upon hearing one of his (rather adorable) nicknames for her.

“I’ve just got something on my mind,” she replied, resting her head in her left hand as she leaned on the table.

“Obviously,” said Edward, rolling his eyes. “But what precisely is on your mind?”

Sara chewed on her lower lip as she pondered how to respond. It was stupid, she told herself, what she was thinking, what she had been thinking, and she was almost embarrassed to admit it out loud -- let alone to herself. Edward was not going to take “no” for an answer, though, nor would he believe any lie she could toss into his lap. She was a terrible liar to begin with, and he was far too perceptive. 

“It’s about, um….” Sara began, her throat starting to clamp up as her heart raced in her chest. “It’s, uh, about...a…”

The need to “hide” was too great at that moment, and Sara abruptly stood and turned her back to Edward, bringing her index finger to her mouth to bite at the second knuckle.

“It’s about a dream I had recently,” Sara confessed, her mouth dry and her heart beating so loudly in her ears she thought Edward might hear it.

“Ok?” Edward said slowly, waiting for her to continue despite feeling a little impatient.

As much as Edward wanted to help his love, there was little he could do without knowing the details of what troubled her so. Being helpless like this -- being helpless at all -- always drove him crazy. He needed to solve this, but he also needed answers first.

“Well, in the dream, we were working together,” Sara continued. “At a job. At a company. We were programmers.”

“It sounds like a very tame dream so far,” Edward commented.

“We were on a project together, and we liked each other. You liked me. I felt so happy to be noticed by a guy, and I thought I had a chance with you. But then...things changed. A new programmer started working there, a pretty blonde woman who was really smart. Like, a natural. You suddenly stopped paying attention to me, choosing to spend time with her. You both looked very happy, had lots to talk about, and whenever I tried to get your attention, you would...brush me off. You even...removed yourself from the project we were working on so you could work with this woman on a different one. I was invisible to you after that, and very alone.”

Edward felt a mixture of frustration, sympathy, confusion, and hurt over Sara’s dream. It was pure nonsense, no doubt, in every possible way, but clearly, it had an effect on her. Insecurities could twist your thoughts and emotions in painful ways, ways that didn’t even make sense. But they tugged at you until you gave into them and believed what they believed. 

He could relate to that, even if he wasn’t willing to admit it out loud.

Edward got up from the table and approached Sara, wrapping his arms around her from behind to hold her against him.

“Oh, my silly little riddle,” he said with a smile, trying to brighten her spirits in some way. “It was just a dream, nothing more.”

“But...would you ever…?” Sara asked, her voice cracking.

“Would I ever, what?”

“Leave me for someone smarter, prettier…”

“What? No! Don’t be foolish!”

Edward made Sara turn to face him, his heart breaking upon seeing her tear-streaked face.

“I’m not going to leave you,” Edward said, cupping her face in his hands so she’d look at him. “You are the only one I want to be with. That dream was absolute nonsense, My Dear. I cannot even fathom for a second the mere idea of choosing someone else over you…” He leaned in and nuzzled her nose with his, smiling sweetly. “...my favorite distraction, my Darling Devinette, my Ravishing Riddle...”

Sara snorted, a grin spreading across her face.

“My Endearing Enigma,” Edward added, relieved to see her giggling.

“The nicknames are killing me,” Sara said, wiping her face. “You’re goofy.”

“”Goofy? Goofy, you say?” 

“Yes, and a total fucking nerd!”

“Oh, is that how it is then? Hmm?”

Edward scooped Sara up into his arms, humming contentedly.

“Well, this ‘Goofy Nerd’ is going to whisk you off to bed and physically  -- very physically -- demonstrate to you exactly how I feel.”

“Oh, my…” Sara said with a chuckle.

“I am going to make it so that you won’t be capable of coherent thoughts or speech,” Edward said with a smirk as he carried her to their bedroom. “You’ll be so overwhelmed with pleasure that the only thing you’ll be able to do is feel. No more negative, idiotic thoughts!”

“I’ll hold you to that,” Sara said, biting her lip.

---

“Oh, God, Eddie, there, please!”

“You’re so perfect, My Darling, so perfect…I can’t get enough...Oh, God!”

“What?” 

“Oh, no, no, no...not now!”

Sara watched Edward sit up, one hand covering the lower half of his face. While she couldn’t see anything yet, she knew what was happening.

“Oh, Eddie,” she said, quickly grabbing tissues for him. 

Edward took them and applied them to his bleeding nose, looking completely humiliated. Sara reached out to him, brushing hair from his face, but he jerked away, too embarrassed to even look at her. The poor man suffered from chronic nosebleeds, probably because his nose had been broken so many times (Thanks, Batman), and sometimes he got them during the most inconvenient moments.

“Let’s go to the bathroom,” Sara said.

She followed Edward into the bathroom, grabbing a wad of paper towels to hand to him for his nose. He threw the bloody tissues into the waste bin with a grunt, still unable to look her in the eye.

“I’ll run a bath,” Sara said as she went to turn on the tub faucet.

Edward’s nosebleed did slow while the tub filled up, but he still hated himself. Why did he have to have one while he was in the middle of…? With her? He was supposed to be making her feel good, not...bleeding on her. It was disgusting -- he felt disgusting. What kind of lover was he? 

Sara tapped Edward’s shoulder, telling him the bath was ready. He mumbled something, tossing the blood-soaked paper towels into the waste bin before turning to her. Why did she have to look at him like that? Like she was worried? Why did she care so much? Why wasn’t she angry with him for ruining ‘the mood?’ Or grossed out? There was drying blood on her shoulder still, and yet, she didn’t seem to care. 

Edward and Sara got into the tub with her sitting behind him. Taking a rag, she soaked it in the bathwater then handed it to him so he could clean his nose, lips, and chin of blood, and thankfully, the nosebleed had stopped by then. When she started to shampoo his hair, her elegant fingers lightly scratching his scalp as she hummed some random tune, he remembered the dream she had told him about. Once his hair was rinsed, he turned to face her, his expression full of guilt and sorrow. 

“What’s wrong, Eddie?” Sara asked.

“This is just one of the many reasons why I could never want someone else,” Edward said quietly. “You’re so kind to me, so gentle...and I didn’t do anything to deserve it -- to deserve you. No one has ever treated me the way you do, no one has ever looked at me the way you do, no one has ever spoken to me the way you do.... I never realized how...how alone I was until I met you. I’d do anything for you, give up everything for you…”

Even my own life, he thought. 

“So, please, never doubt how much you mean to me,” Edward said.

Sara was blushing, trying to come up with a response but too flustered to speak properly. 

“I...I don’t know ….I don’t know...what to say,” she admitted, smiling shyly. “I’ve….never heard someone say something like that before…”

“You don’t have to say anything,” Edward assured her with a small, warm smile. “Just be with me.”

“Of course.”

Edward turned around so he could rest against her, his head on her shoulder as she wrapped her arms around him. While he was planning to finish what he started once they were out of the tub and back into bed, in that moment, he felt absolutely perfect where he was. All his life, he’d never had affectionate physical contact. Sure, there was the awkward hug here and there, or obligatory embrace when he had a lover (and there were very, very, very few of those), but nothing that was genuine or even remotely pleasant.

But in moments like this one with his beloved, he felt like he could be as vulnerable as he needed because she’d never hurt or humiliate him. When she hugged him, it was always warm and welcoming. Whenever she held his hand, she loved to lace their fingers together, almost like she was “trapping” him but in the most romantic way possible. Whenever she kissed him, he felt absolutely smitten because her kisses were so comforting or even playful.

“I love you, My Dearest Horny Geek,” Sara whispered, barely holding back a cute chuckle.

Edward rolled his eyes but smirked at her outrageously endearing nickname for him. 

“And I love you, My Dearest Horny Enigma,” he replied, and they both couldn’t help but chuckle.

“Two horny peas in a pod,” she said as she placed a kiss to the top of his head. “And, you know, if you’re still up for it, you could put your ‘pea’ back in my ‘pod’ once we’re done with this bath.”

Edward slowly turned his head to look up at Sara, his cheeks a bright pink and his gaze full of bewilderment. When she snorted in amusement, he soon found himself joining her in a fit of childish giggles. And here she had been worried he would fall out of love with her. No one could make him laugh or grin like he did. No one could make him feel loved and needed like she did.

Only her. 

What a lucky little shit he was….

----

And there we have it! Hopefully it’s not too crappy. I’m not totally satisfied with it but don’t feel like making it a longer story (at least, not right now). Let me know what you think and damn, I have really depressing dreams sometimes.

[crackcrocs]

DEATH WILL ONLY BE THE BEGINNING #3

3. Transformation Central

the entities of my personalities would like to come together in one voice that speaks through me, we or I call this collection of words from the mustiest corners of my brain to this note page to voice something that might come close to what I feel underneath the skin I wear. In all my unorganised words- I might even go as far as to call this a poem, titled:

‘TRANSFORMATION CENTRAL’

sub characters in my head would appreciate if this could be visualised & understood through as deep a lens as humanly possible. even I confuse myself so if you can decode or relate to any of this, wonderful. If not, I’m locked in my own mind, swallowed the keys to my soul.

SIMILARITIES & INTERCONNECTEDNESS BETWEEN HUMAN & PLANT CONSCIOUSNESS EXIST! if you look closely at my nose freckles you’ll see the resemblance of the constellations above. if you look at the human veins & the layout of a tree, this is further proof.

{VISUALS THROUGH A SEPIA WINDOW STARING @ THE AUTUMN LEAFS; IMAGINING THE SEEDS UNDERNEATH, THROUGH NUMB ROOT VESSELS THAT PERMEATE THROUGH EVERY MEMBRANE OF MY EXTERNAL TO INTERNAL ENVIRONMENT}

~FEATURING THE VICIOUS CYCLE OF DEPRESSION & PERFECTIONISM.

here goes:

What is this part of my mind ?

If you want; delve inside-

I may look sweet like Alice,

but underneath it all

I deteste looking in the mirror

-cos I see the mad hatter.

my inner child needs a platter-

full of care not distortion & abuse pls.

less fibbin would’ve been a breeze.

now following the dead fish in the stream!

HOW on EARTH do I fit with the cod & the Haddock?

I’m the rainbow fish- beat & battered.

dim my own light cos I’m too afraid to shine.

alone.

thieves tried to steal my shiny scales.

I sat and watched them grow.

In the sea realm they were mean gargantuan selfish whales, with poisonous shark fangs & alligator tails. scorpion hands. (gremlins)

and still they make me feel like the alien-

I cant take it.

Make it make sense ?

I can’t.

controller in my hand-

Off balance stance.  

anxiously I move round like a wobbly jelly.

where’s the button to balance my chi & shut out the ego ?

the teLLIE telling lies to our vision!

change the channel aura terracotta orange- daily dosage of vitamin D & C.

catch me sun gazing by the sea

head buzzin like a bee.

speaking from a dusty box

stuck on top of a forbidden shelf

cos I dunno how else.

I’m tryna delve deep but forgot how to dive

How can i visualise? scenery foggy-

the establishment man with the glue gun got me xD

inner monk burning but at peace

Cos I refuse to believe

If the only way is the American dream

Interconnected; like the frog in science -let’s dissect it!

down to every floating atom spirit neighbouring your door

subcategories & divisions, it’s more!

than the rich and the poor -prism that’s been built

do we all feel like a performance monkey on stilts?

will my data be extracted & used to mould a robots personality some day?

well obviously not.

does the price of our lives all amount down to slave ways?

LABOUR YAY!

but morals & values it seems we’ve forgot.

sO If i don’t speak its cos I’m lost.

or maybe i’m enlightened-

Standing at the edge of the porch;

watching TRYING to understand how the flowers grow.

questioning eVERYTHING man made!

I’ve stepped out of the perfect picture frame

I can see the coal pollute the sky

I need to hop on the train-

but I’m comfortable

Sunset to sunrise statue standing still.

what’s the ingredients to life’s yucky pie?

I’ve exceeded mental lotteries.

Sanity n universal peace would be a trophy.

TIL then I’ll be crafting & shaping a solid pottery reality,

with a few pence, gum, and a bandana of belongings tied to stick.

thinking one day I’ll be laying the bricks

& building a kingdom of bliss.

guess for now I’ll use the intricate delicate materials in my tool box- that’s all I’ve got.

might have a long way- maybe worth a shot.

I observe, cruisin in the sky.

dunno why..

I jus look @ the hills.

Only time & history reveals.

no thanks mr men-

I don’t want your prescription pills.

there’s enough propaganda as it is.

I won’t jump on the merry go round-

til my core trusts & envisions we’ll actually feel safe!

I don’t want to take part in this faux fur, sweet nothings & a jack in a box punching blur, so called future.

oh and genuinely thanks quarantine-for once again, I can hear bird sounds!

guess this is me tryna speak out loud!!!...

it’s not thrilling

system  time killing everything-

mother nature’s oxygen

everything is nauseating

clock ticking, I better start creating.

they should write a book on how to be free when the system set us up to believe that we’re tied to the cut down trees that gives them a currency of greed that they breed.

If blindfolded, I don’t wanna eat what they feed.

Whilst they profit of us -tell us smile and the bandits don’t wanna see us happy.

they’re too busy robbing all our hoods.

In exchange for the silence, they’ve granted us with a 21’st century fashion garment of a slave muzzle! labelled conform.

More delusion to add to the already desensitised norm.

zootonic diseases, welcome covid 19 to your plastic kiddy tea party!- apologies for questioning your motive!

Been handed too many hot plates with a post it note saying HOLD THIS.

we’ll be okay just hush.

Same Shan message told to every generational seed.

If we don’t TRY overpower-

we’ll never succeed!

it’s getting even more scary.

Artificial intelligence.

Societal negligence..

my canvas isn’t clear-dunno am I schizo ?

finger painting, cos it makes more sense.

struggling to blend.

borderline conspiracist pretending to be fine;

moving the goal post, hovering above the race line.

who made the chalk? who set the lanes?

I wanna know it all, maybe¿ far past insane.

I can fit all I need in the palm of my hand,

Maybe even less! cut a finger off not sure it’ll even add stress.

hi from personality Peter, even sober- always away with the fairies.

Pass the pixie dust, I’m in a rush

Found shelter in the comfort of pan physicists timer, no not the one on your phone!

Ring ring, skeptical! is it my demon or my mommy on the phone?

I’m stuck in the airspace of an infinite glass filled with beach particles trying to form myself standing up still attempting not to slip through the hands of my very own discovery.

time is running out & ill go when I go.

I’m sitting inside the fly trap -

stardust, chakras can you feel the sensation colors like a starburst.

deep emotion is a curse.

still entrapped in the sand dune of nothingness-

flipping a domino monopoly of solidified thoughts as I sway with the wind.

I’m the trapped sandbox in the playground & the slipping sand in my own hands.

Inhale chronic but I wanna enter the quiet realm of white noise

-color of a wife beater vest, calmer than the ease in ignorance of a red neck.

sadomasochistic, messes.

but oblivion, seems like less stress.

Unfortunately I can see, with all eyes

empathetic paralysis, gets me vexed.

Punching truth into the core of your chest!

It’s not funny, neither is the one on the receiving end..

My limbs are numb

& im done playing octopus alchemy.

I want minimalism & life can be simple,

Evil entities have made it hard.

Maybe I’ve got stars above my head like an old cartoon character.

But I can’t make it make sense, are they out to get me. worse all of us? Or have I bottled myself tryna re mesh the broken shards,

I feel glued to the floor cos there’s a pretty price to pay if you want more.

I see life through a different lense, maybe born downside up, Benjamin button I came out the back door-

Outside looking in, digesting confusion.

Is to be a product of environment a sin?

rummage through my messy brain.

personalities sardine packed in this tin

I’m the wizard of my mania

Scaring & attracting the black crows-

they’re my friends.

Sometimes still a cowardly lion

Roaring pain & true riddles at the wrenching wicked witch posse of the west.

will my voice ever be loud enough to shed light wit my words and grate the sweet zest

In to the cake i’m baking?

Probably not.

Got more thoughts than the autumn leaves collected by the garden rake. alone.

gathering & storing the pains of yesterday.

sometimes I stay in line

Other times in my head Im on my hands juggling out of time.

but I really don’t mind if I lose or win.

we all have a pace

I jus don’t want the 1% to win the race.

It’s unfair!

Humanity does anyone care ??

Half lady

half fairy

Good  MOOrning-

from my anagrams.

no I’m not a cow.

twister fidget spinner brain in the flesh-

form of expression this time around lyrics.

feel I’m jus a silly rubix

& still mourning

I don’t like dairy

pass the oat milk.

Are you aware the industry are sabotaging our diets?

we want peace!

the powerful elite-

perceive & deceive

the scene they want us to be.

chuck the narcissistic psychopathic pie back in our face-

every time we almost found & addressed the Programme & Control man in the maze.

evil & extroverted- he said that the anarchists have to be the cause of riots.

working isn’t class. I said let’s switch roles- he said pass.

It’s piss! Who’s got the bomb & the guns?

Who got the land? off wit OUR heads 4 fun!

it’s pure scary.

Pharmaceutics handshake.

with the cooked up suppliers, also crooked wack liars.

I’d rather shot a gallon of bloody blubbery infused slaughter house milk

If it meant we didn’t use cocoons for silk.

why not add a drizzle of bleach to the concoction & maybe that’s a reach.

every time I guzzle fakeness, it taste peak.

I want real fruit, what next-

a seedless peach ???

what’s the difference between a weirdo & a freak?

layers & levels to the shit.

Magnifying tapping the window of society, I’ll be puffing green til I get to the land of Oz.

sponge soaked soaking up emotions

Suffocated by deduction of care in life

feel entrapped in this paradigm

what am I thinking ?

got the verbs & a cuppa tea

It’s mixed with torment & desire to be free.

I’d rather be awake than asleep

When I get too comfy I feel weak

Demons they reap

underneath

rip the seems as I bleed

Concrete

Solid

Emotions

Is all you’re getting

It’s all sad scenes in the imagery I’m setting

people need care we seem to be forgetting

why are we in debt wit

a posse of clowns

pay the price so we can get a frown

here’s some seratonin

quit ya moaning

life is all sound

aw yeh¿  if you’re not an over thinker!

product of environment- Sirius flickers

theyve done a ritual like it’s Wicca

now here’s your gold sticker..

for managing to co operate.

In this world fuelled off of evil n hate

waking ups a bloody disgrace

I am not amazed.

Man I love my fam n my friends

Just hate this part of my brain that feels the need to play pretend

sometimes I feel insane

but I’m calm

need to escape so I don’t do harm

Gold lioness in the sky by the sea

with puff the magic dragon

fire out my mouth, fuel helps me breathe

I will shine bright

Promise imma be alright

even tho I’m not sure why

I function like this

I wanna be myself

It’s just hard to find the comfortability

To feel happy and pretty

Lay me down on a bed of roses

Ring around sing about overdose emotions

Sorry dunno how to communicate

Heads in a constant debate

Should I go or should I stay

My head clashes

Burnin the next ciggy as my thoughts become ashes.

[shesawriter39049]

|GOD SAVE THE QUEEN|M|JH|

(Does he not look like he should be scaleing a damn window?!)

SMUT/ ANGST

Pairing: Hitman Hoseok & Mob Boss OC

Genre: Mob/Mafia/Organized Crime/Drug cartels/Established/unofficial but lowkey official couple...

WC-10K (A good 3-4 of it is smut btw) 

___________________________________________________________

 “I’m going to fall a fucking part, and so will my families empire and then what!? WHO the fuck are they going to blame then!? Huh? Definitely not my damn brother, he’s too coked out to even tie his fuckign shoe laces neverthless run the family business!”

________________________________________________________________

Note- This is old...I have a TON of mob/mafia-related “Pilot” chapters as I call them..stashed in my google Docs! This is a heaverier/ agngisterst read by the way, not a downer but just heavy ya know? It works just fine as a stand alone, but by the end of it you can tell that when I initially wrote it I was setting it up to be a series! One that would eventually involve the other boys as well, so there is some backstory!

________________________________________________________________

Hoseok;s tatted, and just radiates soft dom energy…and tbh that’s all we need in this world

The OC is stressed, and needs a damn hug...the end!

Warnings: (Nonsexual- Strong language, mentions of guns, drugs/drug use and addictions, violence and mentions of chronic illness..not pertaining to Hoseok though)  

Warnings- Soft Dom Hoseok, breathe play, slight pain kink(very minimal prep before sex...by choice) overstimulation, handjobs, light come play, spit play, chill dirty talk....unprotected sex.Semi public sex-ish(in her office while the guards are outside the door...)

______________________________________________________________

Hibiscus island, Miami Florida 8PM 

‘Alright, so I’m looking at about, a half kilo of snow, hmmm, maybe a little over a quart of skag and a couple hundred Tabs of Molly…”

The line went dead on the receiving end causing the man in question to attempt the phrase again…maybe his connection was bad?

“Helll-lo? Boss I said I-”

“I heard you. Was there a an actual question in there somewhere or where you just letting me know your eyes still work?” The level of just…. dry...that fell from his tongue just now….

“Well I-umm no.No...I just wasn't told exactly what was being retrieved from the plane so I just wanted to make sure this was accurate and noth-”  The scoff that rung through the other end was borderline humiliating, as if to imply there's no way in hell he could even think this was “accurate”.

“No Mark, it’s far from accurate, but what you see in front of you is what’s there…”

Ahhh, so that explains his happy go lucky sunshine personality at the moment.

“Okay, well I’ll have this sorted and get the plane sterilized, am I sending this down to the west wing for a quality check first or is this just being disbursed to the runners?”

A deep agitated goan rattled in his throat, god whyyyy does everybody have so many questions today!?

“Just-just put it in one of the storage units for now, I’ll deal with it later” Hanging up the call before any more questions could be rendered because he honestly didn't have the patience to even pretend like he cared right now! The minute the call dropped his phone buzzed indicating he’d receive about his 8th text in a row from a person he’s a second away from releasing a full barrel face on! 

It took every ounce of self control not to just let the phone slip out of his hand and shatter against the patternized stone walkway swirling beneath his feet!

Clearly,Hoseok’s not in a good mood, like, at all...there’s just so much floating through his mind right now he’s practically running out of space to even breathe! 

He’s tired, Irritable, that earth-shattering smile of his is nowhere to be found, instead it appears to have been replaced by a semi-permanent snarl. Oh, and the best part, Germany, yeah that was a complete and utter shit show. It was supposed to just be a simple negotiation in regards to you guys expanding to a new territory. Yet he feels like the last thing he did was actually talk, I mean fuck palms still feel as though they’ve been damn near rubbed raw at this point.  Hours, that’s how long it took to rid his otherwise delicately stealth hands of their custom crimson overlay! And to make life even better, he’s the one who has the pleasure of sitting down and debriefing the whole failed mission to you! 

So yay, he loves that for himself...truly…

 Everything just feels heavy, his head, heart hell, even his spirit at his point! Feet dragging through the opulent Medetriann style courtyard as if they weigh more than he did. The only thing that somewhat has Hoseok in a decent mood was you, the fact that he’d be able to see you in person after what felt like 6 years, which in all actuality was a little shy of 5 days! 

Easing his way through oversized dual french doors, into an area that essentially acted as the east wing's  “Lobby” if you will, panes of white walls, and thick black arched windows framed the entryway. The dim lighting hanging from the cast iron chandelier gave the effect that the stark white walls were almost glowing against the moonlight peeking in. My point? The atmosphere appears calm at first glance, warm..inviting...everything Hoseok needs it to be right now because again he’s NOT in the mood for bullshit. All he’s dealt with over the past 120 some odd hours was bullshit! Hint’s why your European connect is a good, meh, four soldiers down at the moment!

I can’t say Hoseok had a specific…”Greeting” in mind upon strolling back into the compound tonight…..

However, what I can guarantee is the soundtrack that is you going full hulk mode in your office, while your guards stood outside looking like bats outta hell, definitely wasn’t high on his list! The men stationed at the security desk were already whipping their heads around before he even pulled the door open. Ah the beauty of cameras, at this point they weren’t sure what was worse. You, playing whack a mole behind the wall or Hoseok’s reaction once he put two and two together! 

It takes all of 3 steps before another piece of something glass and undeniably expensive shatters against the wall. Accompanied by a loud grunt on your behalf, voice breathy and fragile, which lets him know you’ve been at this for a while. 

The level of just, exhaustion he could hear heaving from your throat is what had him more alarmed than anything else. The fact that you clearly didn’t have the self-control to tell your body to stop…which isn't like you at all! I mean fuck, how long have you been in there?! Hoseok’s heart was beating so loud he could hear it pulsing through his ears! 

“What the fuck did you guys do?!” The first and only thing to leave his lips as he huffs towards the control desk. The guard initially stationed in front of the camera’s, rolled his seat to the far left within seconds. Allowing his superior the space to do whatever he needs, they heard Hoseok’s mouse make about 1 good click before…

“Fuckkkkk” Cursed from his lips with enough depth to bounce off every surface in the room. There was an additional gruffness laced within his tone due to lack of sleep.. which almost made the sound more initiating, borderline animalistic. Hoseok’s voice actually broke towards the end, the growl dying on his tongue before it even started. Head bowing towards the monitor as he rocked forward, attempting to re-center himself. Keyword there….”Attempting”

Precipitously, there’s another sound rattling the air and no, it’s not another object flying against the wall ,it’s Hoseok’s fist...right into the marble desktop! Yup, there are no cameras in your office...why? Because you and the man in question have no fucking self-control...which suddenly he’s really, really regretting! Well, actually, there are cameras, however they can only be turned on from inside the office,and he already knew you turned the feed off! That’s why he’s on 10 because he can’t see you..at all! You could be hurting yourself in the process and he’d have no idea! The entrance to your office is camouflage for obvious reasons, to naked eye one wouldn't even know there was an office!

Even as your consigliere Hoseok didn’t ask for much, never has, not a big fan of relying on others to handle his needs...hmm wonder why he got to that point. Still, an unspoken rule of thumb when he leaves..is it’s every mother fucker's job within the compound, hell even the damn birds that frequent the garden! Everyone, needs to do their part to make sure he dosen’t come back to this..especially with the way things have shifted internally as of late! 

And by “This” I mean you having a mental breakdown in your office, because you aren’t one to just break shit for shits and giggles! This isn’t how you deal with a transaction going south, or a distributor sending over a bad strand of coke.. something’s wrong..really fucking wrong! 

Silent, dead silent, that's what Hoseok was, and that was utterly terrifying, your men knew to give him his space, that he’d address them when he’s ready. All the while carefully observing the way his fingers twitched anxiously next to one of the soldier’s guns, before wrapping his hand around the trigger. Teeth grinding together hard enough to crack a molar, repeating his initial question…

 “What. The. Fuck. Did you guys do?” Gritted through clenched teeth as he paced the gun between the three men standing in the lobby. Not even remotely concerned that he was outnumbered because they all looked petrified...as they should….clearly patience was the very last thing he had tonight. 

“Ugh, nothing we-” Click….there goes the sound of the safety, all of three words and a staggered pause in….

Hoseok’s stance never faltered, eyes blazing into the youngers with such intensity it took everything in him not to divert his gaze away from his superior. Head cocked to the side, jaw clenched painfully tight, you can actually visibly see it twitch. The slight arch in his brow let the guard know that was the wrong damn answer and this wasn’t multiple choice, it’s fill in the blank! So he’s got about one more try before this gun goes off, and suddenly you lot will have yourselves a red accent wall! 

“Hoseok, I swear we really-” Coyly swaying from behind the desk, edging his way closer and closer, to the dumbass that still hasn’t figured out how to properly answer the question. Connecting the gun to the side of his head, shoving the lackey against the wall in the process, there was an oddly calming aura radiating off his body right now. Which was clearly in strong contrast to what was currently taking place...and that’s because this..isn’t new to him anymore. The act of taking one’s life doesn’t weigh on his heart the way it used to and maybe that makes him a monster or..maybe it makes him damn good at his job. 

This was simple honestly, if they're not the reason for said breakdown then tell him what is. Not excuses as to why it wasn’t them because clearly that won’t get him any damn where now will it?

“Fuck-...she-she went and saw her dad!” Bingo! He all about choked on that…

 “ ...and she’s been like that ever since...I swear! I swear!” Hands above either side of his head,  shaking like a leaf in the wind, Hosoek could practically see his Adam’s apple bobbing against this throat, as he backed away. 

The shift within the air was palpable, they could’ve gotten whiplash from how quickly his eyes inverted, from pure rage to pain and concern. Shoulders slouched in on themselves as he released a shaky breath from his lungs, staggering backward as he ruffled his fingers through his jet black locks. Almost appearing somewhat winded by the update that he already kinda braced himself for honestly. 

“Fuck”  The word hushed from his lips so faint he doubts any of the men even heard him. Eyes fluttering shut briefly, his opposite hand rested on the bridge of his nose. Squeezing unnecessarily, tight, intentionally re-inflicting the pain he felt maneuvering through his chest!  It wasn’t even a full 30 seconds before he heard something else shatter into pieces, instantly snapping him back to reality, forcing him to reroute his thoughts. 

“How long…” There was a sudden dryness laced within his delivery as if he really didn’t want to know the answer.

“About a hour...or so….” 

“And I’m assuming she insisted on going alone?” No even bothering to make eye contact as a hushed “Yes..” fell from the guards lips. A low hum rang in the back of his throat while his eyes outlined the patterns within the marble, silently trying to pull his shit together before he made his next request….

“Override the security, and buzz me in….” The guards couldn’t help but feel a little shell shocked at how, monotoned, and emotionless his delivery was. One minute they could feel every once of his frustration without Hoseok even opening his mouth! Suddenly, it was like he’d completely removed himself from the entire conversation. Initially, his lack of patience steamed from other bullshit but now, none of that mattered, Germany, the drug deal, none of that even scratched the surface, all that matters right now is you. 

“Boss I don’t thin-”

Gaze slowly rising from the desk, cold, and somewhat feral, not quite sure why he’s being questioned, but right now, but it's definitely not the time! Bringing his nine back level with the guard in question, Hoseok didn’t have to say anything, his middle finger caressing the trigger said it all, expression blank. Gaze daring him to do anything but, buzz his superior in as he asked..nothing more, nothing less. 

Within seconds the center wall which at first glance just looked like a block of white Statuario marble started to shift, exposing all the shattered pieces of decor on the ground. Not even attempting to warn you first because he knew you’d tell him to leave. So instead, he took a deep breath, dropped the gun back onto the desk, cracked his neck a couple times, braced himself, and stepped inside. 

_________________________________________________________

Ya know, if circumstances were different the site in front of him could actually be somewhat comical. You, standing in the middle of this obnoxiously large gilded office, all dolled up in your heels, tight little LBD, dawning every curve on your body. A wrist full of Cartier and Bvlgari,hair curled...looking like you’re ready for a night on the town. Yet, instead of sitting in the middle of some 5-star restaurant drinking aged Scotch your in here. Angry, winded and breaking shit...really expensive shit at that! 

However, there was nothing even remotely humorous in regards to the reason behind your sudden rage. Honestly, it broke his heart to see you like this! Yes, the heart that most barely believed he truly had, but that’s neither here nor there, the people that matter know it threw and threw. Hoseok could feel the anger radiating off your skin even from where he stood. You were ablaze, nothing but utter rage, doused from your pores, but what made it even worse was the blatant desperation underneath it all. 

Every scream just seemed more and more broken...sure maybe he’s a hypocrite, he breaks shit all the time when he’s angry, hell people and objects included.  But you....this wasn’t you..and this wasn’t a healthy way for you to cope! To be real the only reason he stood there so long was because he needed a second to pull his shit together! The longer he stared at you the more his chest tightened, eyes burned like hell. His fingers twitched at his side trying to resist the urge to just come grab you, but he knew better. 

Sure, in most people's eyes, and by most I mean 99.9% of the population, you’d be the farthest thing from an angel! You lost any ounce of purity yearsss ago, still, in his eyes..there’s no one more untainted then you where it counts! And that’s, all that mattered because he knows better than anyone that you have a heart made of 24kt gold. A heart that needed to be protected at all cost, and clearly at the moment that’s not happening, because he can see it! Shattering all over the place along with very pricy china! 

Chest rising and falling painfully hard against itself, you were damn near blacked out in rage. So much so you didn’t even notice your office doors opening or closing. You, the woman that trained her ear to hear the faint hum of an elevator in an upscale hotel. 

Leaning down until your face was flush with the desk, gripping the edges so hard Hoseok could hear the floor creak. He couldn’t help but notice how flushed your knuckles looked, bouquets of bruises already blooming along the smooth surface. The moment of silence only lingered about….half a second, just long enough for you to recharge and grab something else to hurl at the wall. Voice-breaking before the hiss even fully rolled off your tongue, and that  “Something” was a set of Tiffany’s champagne glasses that you utterly adored! Well aware that wouldn’t go over well once this was all said and done so he figured that was his cue. 

“Y/n…” His voice wasn’t loud enough, abrasive enough, and frankly, you were far too absorbed to even hear him on such a neutering level! Sooo, he tried again. Slipping seamlessly into his…”Boss man”  tenor if you will, adding a dash of base to his voice that you could not only hear..but feel! 

”Baby!”

You startled upon hearing the endearment, head snapping around, body staggering until you fell back onto the corner of the desk. Bracing yourself with one arm, so you didn’t actually fall, chest heaving in short staggered breaths, as you gazed back at him, though it was clear initially you really weren’t looking at him.  

“Don’t!” He could see your body starting to curl in on itself as you shifted under his gaze which currently felt like an uncapped bulb in the middle of an integration room. The warning was too half hearted for him to even acknowledge!!

“Fuckkk''  Cursed from your lips only loud enough for you to hear once you gazed up at the clock through swollen eyes, not even realizing how late it was. Far too consumed in anger to remember that Hosoek was even coming home tonight, infuriating yourself even more because this was the last thing you wanted him to walk in on.  You didn’t want to burden him with the task of having to put you back together again, you’d been doing it just fine yourself for the past 5 or so days since this has secretly become routine as of late! You cry, you break shit, you touch up your makeup, and then you walk out of your office like nothing happened and continue running this 9 figure empire.

 “Just-go-go, back outside….” You were trying to sound strong, determined like you weren’t falling apart, and you were failing...miserably failing, you weren’t in control you were practically begging. The concern in Hoseok’s eyes was more than evident and that made shit even worse. Yet no matter how bad his palms were aching to touch you, he didn’t dare to reach for you yet, he knew your limits, and right now still wasn’t it…He could physically see you shudder as if it  wasn’t a solid 75 degrees outside right now.

The silence was too much, way too much, it felt as though it was ripping you apart, or maybe you were ripping yourself apart? Maybe it’s just harder to hide from yourself when you no longer can drown out your thoughts with the sound of you screaming and breaking shit…

“Fuck, this is about Germany right? Or Amsterdam? Whatever it is, whatever you need from me. You can have it...we can talk I promise, but right now,  I need you to leave…” Trying your damnedest to hold is gaze but it felt impossible because you knew he saw straight through you!

The pause was long enough for him to say something and still...nothing...it was like he was trying to push you enough to finally admit what you really needed from him.

“I just need a minute...t-to pull my shit together and then I’ll be fine, then we can talk.” You were practically whispering, your voice was so trashed and distressed. Forcing yourself to drop an octave, removing any texture from your tone  in order to properly “convey” your message yet he still didn't budge! 

“Hoseok, don’t make me ask again...just-” Shoeing your hand towards the door to replace the word you couldn’t quite get to roll off your tongue. 

Everything about you was contradictory because now you wanted him, your eyes were pleading in agony for him to hold you and make everything disappear. Yet, your tone was dry, removed, as if he was some low-level soldier on the totem pole, not to mention you legit just told him to leave. But oh how your emotions betray you when it comes to Mr. Jung! No matter how much bullshit you just spit out, you really only said one thing...and he heard it clear as day. 

Hoseok already knows, he knows you like the inside of a VP9 Veterinary pistol, no matter how cold your delivery was it didn’t stop him from easing off the wall and invading your space. You could feel him before he even got in within 10 ft of you, his aura already starting to infiltrate your little bubble! His stride was slow, confident, making up for all the things you currently lacked because that’s what a good partner does! 

He could see how hard you were clinging to the table as if you were using that to ground you, afraid of how lost you’d get once he got in arm’s length. This man had a soul that outweighed yours by miles and that was one of your favorite things about him, how deep he could go in more ways than one.  Hoseok didn’t stop until he was standing directly in front of you, close enough for you to taste the speirment on his tongue. Still, he hasn’t touched you and now you really needed him to touch you! The sweet musky scent of his cologne filling your lungs, you could practically feel the heat radiating off his body, god why weren’t the two of you in bed right now? Not even having sex nesicarilly,  just naked, skin on skin...you just wanted to feel him. It’s actually disgusting, the amount of control he has over your entire sense of being at this point. The way even just the slightest touch can completely throw all of your senses out of whack or back in whack I guess I should say.  

“Hmmm, a minute is all you need yeah….” Not even attempting to phrase it as a question because he knew it was all bullshit anyway!  So you didn’t dare respond, not trusting your voice anyway, just keeping your eyes trained on his...getting lost in how bright they looked in contrast to yours. Spreading your legs on instinct so he could get even closer, shifting slightly on top of the desk. 

Hands braced on either side of your frame to give him leverage as he tilted forward. “Well, it seems as though you’ve had….many minutes, hours even..” Eyes wandering around the room observing the mess you’d made, yeah the maids gonna need a bonus after this!  

“It doesn’t appear you having time alone has done you much good so try again baby…”Hoseok had a tenor that was meant for your ears, and your ears only. The typical bright almost giddy little accent to his tone was always replaced by a calmer, warmer one. An underlying element of sensuality that exuded just the right amount of calculated…. control….an effortless sense of dominance if you will.

Staring down at you through hooded lids thoroughly, reading for any ounce of discomfort! Once he didn’t find any... finally, you felt his hands take a firm grip on your waist. Your body tensed initially, hoping to counteract how hard you were still shaking! Hint, you failed, you were practically vibrating against him at initial contact!

“Breathe y/n...” 

“I am, trust me that’s the only thing I can do right now…” There was still a slight bite rolling off your tongue, no matter how winded you sound. However, in Hoseok’s eyes sass is better than silence so carry on! 

Nosing along the side of your neck, right beneath your ear, next to your windpipe, letting him feel how you truly felt, which was unbalanced and a little lost. Your heart rate per 15 seconds was probably double what it was on an average day and yes, Hoseok knows how many times your heart beats per minute on an average day! 

“Baby...” Cooed from his lips almost sympathetically as he slowly started painting a trail down the side of your neck with his lips. 

“Hoseok, I-god-I can’t-” You “can’t “what exactly?  Relax? Give in? Shut your brain off? What “Can't” you do? 

“Yeah, yeah, you can, let me turn shut your brain off for a minute , let me take care of you.” Hands gently ravishing your body, effortlessly sending goosebumps down your spine with every feather-like touch. 

“I’ll give you any, and everything you want, but I won’t leave you alone right now…” The words fanned against your skin making your shiver against him, no matter how calm his tenor was the dominance was clear as day! You didn’t have a say in the matter….

Reclining your neck on instinct giving him more room to work as you tried to clear your mind of any and everything that wasn’t Hoseok as you let your eyes fan shut. 

“Hoseok…” Staggered out heavily feeling like you were choking and he only offering a hum in response, not letting up from his current mestractions….”Fuck, yeah, okay just- just keep touching me...please” You weren’t typically a beggar even in bed but right now you needed him, not int he mood to be sassy or play hard to get, to be honest, you just didn’t have the energy. 

“I’m not going anywhere baby..I’m right here..all here for you..always…in any way you need me…” Palms soothing down your thighs, reaching under to smoothly wrap them around his waist, bringing his hips flush to yours. Once he felt you secure your ankles he reached for your hands, kissing along your knuckles before sliding them under the back of his shirt. Knowing how skinship puts your mind at ease, and the second the pads of your fingers graze his skin...you’re already finding  yourself digging your nails into his shoulders. Ripping a low growl from his throat, as he rocked his hips forward, re-positioning his arms on either side of your body so his forehead was flush to yours. 

“All here for you, in any way you need me..” That seems to hold a lot more weight as of late and no matter how much you’re trying to rid your mind of those thoughts..you can’t, you fucking can’t. Suddenly you’re clawing at his shoulders for a different reason, and it hurts, and not the fun kinda pain either…he hears a faint whimper leave your lips, as you clung to him even tighter.

“Y/n….” He exhales, voice shaking eyes glazed over, welting full of tears he’s praying don’t fall because he needs to be strong for you right now. “Baby” There was a blatant plea laced within that and you...

“I know, I know…” it’s unsaid...though it’s clearly not unsaid because you know...youuuu know, the two of you avoided that word. Maybe because if you said it that makes the idea of losing each other even worse. So for now, you’d just prefer to endlessly show it…....

Talking would just suck ass right now, so you opted for the later and leaned in, it wasn’t soft or delicate..you kissed him hard. Until he was gasping through his nose to breathe while, almost stifling forward,letting your hands wander up his shirt to thread into his hair.  Tugging at his scalp until you heard him moan against your tongue, taking that as your invitation to lick your way into his mouth which he accepts willingly. Reclining his jaw letting you have control because he figured you could probably use that right now.  Your lips moved with such emotion, and just pure passion that you don’t know if you’d ever felt so weak under him..yet powerful all at the same damn time! You almost feel lightheaded, the more you kiss, tongues meeting with such desperation your chest feels like it’s burning. Teeth clashing, nails clawing so hard into Hosoek’s skin it hurts but he doesn’t give a damn.

You tilt your head back giving him free access to do as he pleases and he bites. Hard. Until he rips a moan right off your tongue and it sounds so damn good….Nipping licking and sucking over every inch of skin he can reach. Feenin to hear you moan over and over again...until your lips find his and your clawing at his v-neck for dear life. Yanking at the neckline until you hear it rip, lifting and tugging it until he finally takes the hint….

“Offff” 

“Come take what you want.” Pulling back to allow you to yank it over his head, exposing mounds of warm and toned honey-coated skin, covered in trails of articulately placed ink. A combination of new-aged back and white with hints of watercolor paint his skin, telling an array of stories that you know like the back of your hand at this point!

Tugging him back by the nape of his neck so his chest is flush to yours, the warmth radiating through the fabric of your dress, which didn’t cover much, to begin with. Rolling your hips up into his for slight friction until your moaning back against his tongue again, hands moving down to help you grind at a steady rhythm. The contrast of the rough material of his jeans, against your clit was really fucking you up right now.  

“Hoseok…”

“Baby” He countered in a way that had your curls trying to curl under the pad of your heels! 

“Fuck, Fuck me,” You whispered against his lips intentionally whiney, and he froze instantly, not that he didn’t want to because fuck he wanted to he just...Hoseok’s big on talking shit out. Not one for hiding or aiding emotions, and clearly there’s something wrong here!

“I really,need you right now”  You whisper again, nipping at his bottom lip and now it’s hopeless because this man knows he can’t deny you a damn thing. He hasn’t been able too since the two of you met in Paris, initially as strangers stood on a roof with your Colt Pistols aiming dead in each other’s faces.

You could feel the frustration growling from his throat but still, he kissed you deeper, harder, rocking you against the desk so your laying on your back. Rolling his hips against you slowly just to hear you moan against his tongue. ‘Hoseok!” Yeah, your whiny, and yeah your inpatient…

‘God, the shit you do to me…” Leaning in to steal your breath away with another deep brusing kiss.There was a hint of frustration and disbelief, lingering within that, and you can’t help but smile up at him, soothing your palms down the smooth planes of his chest. Nails idly outlining the array of cherry blossoms painting his skin, framing his collarbone perfectly. Not even trying to hide how much you loved knowing you had the same effect on him, which in laymen’s terms just means your both helplessly and endlessly whipped! 

Being in this deep, with someone within your world is dangerous, even more so when they’re actually in the field,  not hauled up in a castle, like some modern-day Repunzel. It can make you vulnerable, irrational, hypersensitive, but on the flip side, it can also turn you into the most lethal version of yourself where enemies are concerned. Your need to ensure no one stands in the way of whatever you deem your “Happy Ending” to be, becomes insatiable...you’d set cities ablaze for that man and he’d do the same..in a heartbeat! 

Considering that’s the first, and only smile he’s seen from you in days he can’t help but lean down again. Leaving one more lingering kiss against your lips sighing out in content at how laxed and pliant you feel under him, you already know he’s smiling, you can feel Hoseok's teeth against your lips. Tentatively he untangles himself, not before leaning down a good three or four more times to kiss you again. As if he's going far, hell as if your ass was going any damn where to begin with even if he was. 

Smoothing his hands up your thighs, hiking your dress around your waist in the process, hissing at the fact you opted against panties today. The minute he eased your legs apart not only could he smell how much you need him but he could see...the need dripping from your lips. Wiggling your hips a little, as your arched even further onto the oversized glass desk, shoving the mounds of files to the side, your heels gave you the perfect angle to completely spread out. Putting yourself on full display, the slight elevation on your lower half had your hips tipping slightly forward, giving him  access to everything he needed! Your gaze was far  too innocent for his liking as you batted your lashes in his direction. Easing your hands up your body.. taking a little detour to caress your breast in your hands before letting them get lost in your hair. 

An all-knowing smirk playing on your lips as you watch his eyes slowly unravel every inch of your body. If you didn’t know any better you’d think his mouth was watering, stealth fingers digging into your skin hard enough to leave a mark. Dropping to his knees..

“I don’t-”

“I know, I know”  Leaning forward until his lips were flush with your inner thigh, eyes trained on yours daring you to look away, jerking slightly when he bit you, then a low moan fell off your lips as he sucked on the spot. 

“You sound so fuckin good” Slurred against your skin, teeth sinking into your thigh even harder this time leaving a larger bite mark. Not pulling back until you squirmed from under him, his name husking off your tongue. 

What you meant earlier was you didn't want him to fully prep you tonight, you wanted the pain, the feeling of him stretching you open around his cock instead of his fingers. The delicious burn that almost makes you feel like your on the brink being split open! But I mean, fuck, look at you, he can’t just..not taste you, right? I mean no he HAS to taste you…

Resting his head against your inner thigh, thumbs kneading your skin while he started to kiss  his way around your bikini line. There seems to be no rush and at the moment you were just enjoying the warmth ghosting off his lips so you laid there content. Then, he leaned forward, placing his lips flush against your clit, leaving an array of solid lingering kisses all the way up your lips. And yeah they were somewhat chaste at this point,but you were feeling real needy  right now so even that had you squirming beneath him. 

“Hoseok” Sighed from your lips as you felt goosebumps spread through your body, gently massaging your nipples through your dress, somewhat teasing yourself instead of giving direct contact. Just allowing your touch to ghost over, until you’re arching into your own hand, pinching even tighter but still not giving your body the full sensation . 

“Y/n” Hoseok replied, calm as ever, a smirk playing on his lips as he watched you “God, your so damn sexy…” Slowly his tongue fell from his lips and landed right around your clit, sucking it into his mouth with a moan that shot through every cell in your body. He sucked, and slurped you between his lips so hard, and you damn near smothered him with your thighs on accident. Your body's first instinct was to pull away, there was so much pressure and stimulation being applied to literally the most sensitive region of your body. And it was steady, once he had you wrapped around your tongue that's where you stayed.

“Holy shit-babyyy” Eyes squeezing shut, trying to remember how to breathe!

 Your mind and body weren’t on the same page, thighs practically vibrating on either side of his head and the minute he felt your legs close in, he nipped the skin between his teeth.Forcing you to arch up and away instead of clamping down, a broken cry of his name falling off your tongue as you tried to desperly keep your legs apart. 

He knew you needed a distraction, leaning forward, grabbing your hand and burying it into your hair, making sure you had an almost painfully tight grip on his scalp! You were damn thankful because holding him like this gave you some sense of ground, instead of you feeling like your about to plummet through the glass.

Hoseok always touched you like he wanted too, like he was the one getting off which prompted your next question once the air resurfaced to your lungs. 

“Mmm, fuck your hard for me already aren’t you? Just tasting me get’s my baby hard doesn't it?” You knew the answer but damn if it didn’t feel good to hear him moan it out anyway.

Nipping at your thigh again, this time a little harder “You fuckin, known, what you do to me, I could come right now if I didnt need to feel you come all over my cock” You moaned so loud at that, gripping his scalp even tighter. “That’s it baby, keep me where you want me.” So you did just that. Pushing his head down so he had nowhere to go but your clit, however the smirk you could feel resting against your thigh should've warned you that he was about to rip you apart.

Hoseok circled his tongue around the very tip, meriscally, his strokes were deep and languid, and they ripped you apart. There's no other way to describe the way he’s volleying your pussy around his tongue, right now! The only comparison I can give you is he’s kissing your clit, and every crevice between your lips, as if he was thoroughly exploring every inch of your mouth . He was loud, and messy, in his pleasure where your concerned, the almost primal sound of his lips, and spit smacking against your folds. Low, needy moans vibrating against your skin as if you were the best damn thing he’d tasted all day. Pulling back to spit directly on your entrance, pursing his lips, and blowing , directing it to fall straight in and your body clenched hard. Fuck you needed, him to inside you…. nuzzling his face between your thighs until his nose was flush with your clit. He knew better than to work you open with his fingers so he opted for his tongue. Picking his own lubricate back up with the tip of his tongue and swirling it around the entrance. Moaning at the wall your body naturally started clenching around the muscle. You were a moaning mess beanthe him, hips rocking against his face.

You’re getting antsy now, wiggling your hips harder, you felt like you were close from this alone and that;s not what you wanted “Fuck Hoseok, baby just fuck me…”  Yanking his head until he pulled away, dragging his lips down to meet yours, chin glistening with all traces of you. The kiss was hard, messy,your essence was all you could taste against his tongue, moaning out as he rocked his hips into you. Leaning forward so he could reach into the Hermes gift box which was kinda decoration kinda used to store lube and other shit you really should have in an office! 

The minute he grabbed the bottle you ripped it from his hands, this was the least you could do,plus you just loved how heavy he felt in your palm. Hoseok almost growled as he deepened the kiss, more teeth and tongue than finesse,the kiss is hard, it feels like your both gasping for air the entire time but neither of you want to pull apart. Pulling at his belt with nothing but a whine until he gets the hint and smacks your hand out of the way, within seconds you feel him hit your stomach. Hot, hard, and heavy, and god if you didn't clench so damn hard, he’s literally twitching  on top of you right now.

“Do you even have the slightest idea how fucked up I am for you?  How hard I am and you havent even touched me yet?” 

“Mmm, I don’t know baby it’s been a minute since I’ve seen you...” Your whispers seductive yet taunting,kissing at his jaw and his neck, smiling against his skin at the low moans that spill from his lips. “Tell me..

Digging your heels into his back as you uncapped the bottle, taking an obscene amount in your hand before reaching between your bodies. Ripping a shaky moan from Hoseok's throat once you laced your fingers around his cock. Squeezing just enough to let all the acces lube drizzle down his shaft and land on his balls, he’s just throbbing in your palm right now and your not even moving yet. “Does it make you feel good to know you got me wrapped around your finger? Knowing- I’d- fuck-” Now, your moving,  hand working his shaft, flucuating the way you distribute pressure, loosser at the bottom and tighter twoards the head  becuse thats his sweet spot. Lube just running down your fingers, it’s so damn messy and you love it,he's straight up whining into your mouth right now. Breath fanning against your face as he nuzzles into your skin...lips parted.

“Knowing that you’d what baby?”  Tugging his bottom lip between your teeth, feeling the way his hips twitched above you , so you slow down your pace, and tighten your grip. Hoseok's brows are furrowed chest flushed…..he looks fucking beautiful.

“That I’d kill anyone in a heartbeat for you, that i’d never let a damn thing happen to you” He can't help but rock into your fist even harder, eyes struggling to stay focused but he refuses not to look at you.. “Does that get to you the same way it does me? Because I still get hard thinking about the way you went toe to toe with Jin’s father about me that night in Italy.” Trailing his tongue down the side of your jaw nibbling ever so slightly “That,was-fuck-the sexiest thing I’d ever seen.”

“God, I-...” Licking your way back into his mouth as you continued working him in your hand, moving your thumb over his tip, smearing the mounds of precum into the excessive lube .“Yeah, fuck yeah, it turns me on wayy more than it should. I shouldn't want you to be reckless when it comes to me but god if it's not sexy as all hell knowing you would be…” 

“And I would” he responds with zero Hesitation….

The sudden passion somewhat catches you off guard honestly, and the fire burning through his eyes as he said that is….stifling to say the least. 

“You’d go to war with me baby?” You didn't intend to shift the mood this heavy, yet you couldn't help the way it just vomited off your tongue. Maybe it’s your subconscious talking right now, still trying to fight it’s way through regardless of your current surroundings! 

Reaching up to cup your jaw, tilting your chin upwards, placing the most fragile kiss along your lips . “With you, for you, anyway you spin it the answer is yes...a hundred times over baby it’s yes…” The ache you currently felt coursing through your veins for this man right now...

“I need you in me. Now. I promise will go slow...please let me do this” 

Hoseok held your gaze for a moment before responding, searching your eyes for any hesitation “‘And you’ll tell me if it’s too much..” Grip firm around your waist, not even bothering to phrase it as a question because it wasn’t one...

‘Promise…” Placing the tip right at your entrance,and Hoseok can feel your heat trying to pull him in but he retreats. Giving you full control, keeping your eyes trained on his, well aware that’s what he needed to make sure, he could gauge our pain whether you wanted to admit it or not. Initially, nothing happened neither of you moved, just the faint suction of your very neglected pussy trying to suck him in.

 “I said I wanted you to fuck me...you know my body better than I do..make me take you…” 

‘I-” Yeah. Hoseok.Exe stopped working because he definitely wasn't expecting that, thinking you’d just rock yourself down, not that you wanted him to gauge your restience! Nails raking down his back as you roll your hips against him, making sure he can feel how warm and wet you are, how ready you are..positioning your lips to moan right against his ear.

“Fucking come’re” Hosoek leans forward smashing his lips against yours so hard it hurts, grabbing your legs, bracing them on either side of his shoulders. Sliding your hips forward until the backs of your thighs are flush with his chest, and your red bottoms are facing the ceiling. Gripping his length, teasing the head up and down your folds, as he left a trail of open wet mouthed kisses down your jaw,behind your ear, over to your neck. Ending with his lips nuzzled against your ear…returning the gesture “Missed you, touching you,” Exensuating each word with a kiss “The sound of your voice, waking up to you, being inside you...” Rocking his hips against yours deep, and hard.

You can’t even help but moan at just the mention of him being inside again after what feels like months “Want you, need you....” You’re in rare form tonight, yeah, your always a little submissive with him but not to this extent. 

“Your really tryin to break me today huh?” Tugging your lobe between his teeth before suctioning his lips around your jaw, at this angle Hoseok had the fronts of your thighs colliding with your chest. If he even considers  bringing you back this deep once he’s in you...it’s game over…”You ready?” 

“God yes” Soothing your hands up his stomach once he pulled back, skin hot to the touch and initially nothing happens, just the pressure of Hoseok's tip. Wiggling your hips playfully gives him a little incentive, so he starts to rock forward, and suddenly play times over! Your body freezes dead in its tracks...Hoseok's eyes stay trained on yours the entire time and your jaw clenches at the exact moment your pussy clamps down around his tip. As if you're trying to reroute the pressure elsewhere…A slight whine spills form your lips which lets him know there is still some pleasure laced within all of this.

‘Touch me, keep touching me baby….” Somehow Hoseok appears to be offensively calm regardless of the vice like grip you currently have around him! The request was more for you than him, knowing how much you needed his warmth right now! Clearly your not even close to being settled enough for him to come down flush level yet. So, this will have to do,taking your hands in his, guiding them down his body leisurely. Leading your fingers on a little field trip, sighing contently once you feel how warm and toned he is, how strongly his body reacts to your touch. The way every muscle twitches as you ghost over it, leaving a trail of goosebumps in its wake. Subconsciously you found yourself leaning towards his touch, hissing out once you shifted a little too much for the moment.

“You still with me baby?” 

Nodding slowly as you try to focus, steading your breathing as much as possible, you wanted, no, needed to feel him like this! He can see the pain coursing through your body as the two of you still hold each other's gaze, which is the only thing keeping you grounded right now. Resting his head against your inner thigh, kissing along your skin once he feels his tip breach your quivering entrance. And it’s tight , fuck it’s tight, your body feels like it’s buring from the inside out once you swollow the swell of his head between your lips. Your jaw slacks open and nothing comes out, he’s not even sure if your breathing right now but what he does know is your eyes are still open and focused on Hoseok. 

“Goddamn” Hoseok groans deep and low head lulling back and finally he sounds just as fucked up as you,hand taking a bruisingly hard grip on your hips. He’s actually trying to shift back a little, so he can rock back in, but he can’t. You won’t let him go,“You gotta-shit, you gotta  let me breathe a little baby….fuck” He’s winded and using every once of self control he has to stay stationary, even though your applying a dangerous amout of pressure to the most sesentive regin of this mans shaft. The tip, that's all that's suctioned between your heat and your squeezing him like your trying to break him, and there isn't a damn thing you can do about it.  

 So you try, fuck you try, exhaling then inhaling then exhaling again, attempting to get all your msucles to relax. Only problem is your not even clenching around Hoseok’s cock, you just have him trapped. Your just clamped tight, so tight it hurts, on both ends! He can feel your thighs shaking around him, pulling inwards as if your bodies trying to curl in on itself , and he knows this isn't going to work! He’s hissing hard too, nails digging into the swell of your ass, and thankfully once the two of you make eye contact yours are daggering into him with a silent plea. And he already knows what you want! The real issue is there’s way too much swirling around your head mentally for you to have full control over your senses right now. So, that's when you render him full control of any and every inch of your being to do as he pleases in order to give you what you need.

“Ho-Seok...fuck just-” 

 Reaching out for one of your hands so you can squeeze his as hard as you need, kissing along your knuckles.”Yeah?” 

“Yeah!” Tilting your head back with a beathy whine, squeezing his fingers even tighter….

 “You trust me?” Nodding without hesitation “I need you, to keep your eyes open, and focus, can you do that for me baby? ”  It’s a lot but Hoseok knows your limits and if it was truly too much he’d pull out, you can take it, all of it. Shifting your thighs so there now wrapped around his waist as opposed to above his head.  Pouring an obscene amount of lube on the remainder of his shaft, not even bothering to rub it in, just letting the excess drip onto the table. 

“And if you can’t get your colors out?” 

“Pinch you...I’m good, I know you got me...”A lazy smile tugging on your lips as you just try to stay calm.

“On the count of three, take a deep slow breath through your nose...and don't exhale until I tell you too” Hoseok cups your cheek and you nuzzle into it, kissing the tips of his fingers, you can feel them trembling though he’s trying to appear at ease.. 

“K” Yes wide, but focused, determined...a  little stubborn but hell you've already started right? 

Hoseok's eyes flutter shut briefly, taking in a deep slow breath of his own, making sure he’s in the right headspace to guide you through this. Once those big brown eyes of his creek open and your gazes meet again it’s heavy. Hosoek’s eyes are blown out, half lided, already glazed over, he just looks like sex...and he looks like hes about to break you in all the right ways! 

Adjusting his grip on your hip, steadying himself, thumbing at your side, “Count with me….1” God, the textures in this man's voice where unreal, he just sounds so damn smooth, the hushed command had so much control, and warmth wrapped up in all of 4 words.

He rocks forward, barely...just to see if you’ve loosened up and you still haven’t budged... Flicking his chin in your direction indicating he wanted you to continue…

“Two…” You’d be lying if you aid your heart wasn;t hammering in your ears as you let a deep breath start to fill your lungs.

“Three” Whispped through clenched teeth and he didn’t hesitate, rocking back just a little so he has better leverage tilting his hips upwards and he watches your eyes widen..thighs tense but he doesn't stop. Redirecting all of his weight into his abdomen, grinding down with a deep, heavy roll of the hips, you can feel every muscle in his back within this first thrust. Your fingers twitch in his hold, eyes glazing over relatively quickly, but your still looking at him, barely but you are. Even Hoseok’s breathing a little shaky, brows furrowed, but he's in, his tips fully past your entrance “Let it out baby….” 

And you do, whimpering hard, as a choked out breath hippicus through your chest, initially you were expecting him to pause. Give you a minute to adjust to the initial stretch…..Nope…

He doesn't stop, he's still rolling forward and now your gasping and whimpering all over again, even louder this time! Hoseok’s thumbs bruising the hell out of your hips but you don’t have him stop, you can’t! Your mind and body needs this right now, the tension the burn,all of it! 

“That’s it…” Even though his restricted breathing you can hear the fondness dripping off his tongue. “ Focus on me, I got you” The more he breaches his way through your heat the more the wind gets knocked out of your lungs but it’s good, it’s soo damn good! You manage to somewhat choke out his name and he just hums in response, biting down on his bottom lip in concentration. Untangling his hand from yours to brace both on either side of his head. Hoseoks pushing through steadily now,morphing his way through your heat that’s still trying to fight against him but he doesn't stop.No matter how hard you pulsing around him, Hoseok's shaft drags forward until his balls meet the swell of your asss. And finally he’s right on top of you, your bodies trembling beneath him so he gently lowers himself. Bringing his chest flush to yours letting your wrap your arms around his neck. Clawing your way down his back, intentionally releasing some of the tensions coursing through your veins. Licking his way back into your mouth, kissing deep, and messy until your light headed and desperate. Endless Moans richoching against one other, his palms soothing down your thighs. 

Everything pauses for a while, neither of you move, your both panting hard into each other's mouths while you adjust and Hoseok's not rushing you either. Wanting you to relax a little so he doesn't come after all of 2 strokes, idily  tracing patterns against your skin. Finally able to feel your breathing even out, muscles becoming more laxed beneath him!

“You ready for me baby?,”

All you can do is moan in response, still so overwhelmed, squeezing your legs around his waist as hard as you could so he at least knows your still with him. 

So he does, pulling out and pushing back in, and your eyes automatically roll back at the feeling. It’s still tight as fuck but he’s somehow managing to weave his way through. .

“Hurts?”  He can’t help but ask since your thighs are still shaking a little, and you nod honestly.

“Good pain? Good enough to make my pretty baby come?” More of a statement than a question, you can hear the smirk in his voice, as he kissed down your jaw. Trying to distract you a little,sucking a couple bruises along the front of your neck . Edging his way back and forth building up a steady tempo, and finally Hoseok can feel the shift. He’s able to breathe within you a little better, your letting him wade in a little deeper! 

You exhale shakily and nod again, feeling him shift off of you, repositioning your legs on either side of his shoulders.Leaning forward pressing all his weight into his arms until your thighs are flush to your chest. 

Your mouth opens and closes, kinda like a fish outta water, you do it a few times but not shit comes out.

“Baby…” Kissing up your inner thigh as he gently rocks forward , slowing down a little so you can feel the slow drag of his cock pull you apart. Back arching ever so lightly, moaning out low and wanton “Your so, sexy, doin so good for me” Nuzzling against your skin, nipping lightly at your inner thigh. 

“Your deep” The word barley leaves your tongue “Fuck, faster..”

“Yeah?”

Before you can even respond he snaps his hips forward and you almost scream, nails digging into his disciples as he stares down at you with a smirk that’s..real concerning considering the position he has you in. So he does it again, pulling his cock halfway out and rocking forward, 

“That’s it, that’s what my baby needed,” Hoseok whispers and thrust forward even harder this time, rocking up on the heels balls of his feet as if he’s aiming for your damn ribcage. 

Your mouth falls back open, looking like you wanna moan but you can;t every exhale gets cut off by another deep roll of the hips,repositioning himself so he braced with one arm. Running the other up your face, into your hair, before cradilling your jaw, thumbing at your bottom lip which you nip and suck into your mouth. Humming out contently, as you lick a stipe up his index and middle finger, not missing the way Hoseok’s cock twitches at the added stimulation. 

“Look at you…..” Eyes trailing down your body agnoniziling slow, taking in each and every detail as if it’s the very first times he's ever seen you like this. And still, you can’t help but shutter at the genuine astonishment burning through those lust filled eyes of his. Which eventually land on the site that his is cock dissappring between your wet and swollen pussy, lips just sprawled over his balls just the way he likes “ My baby's so good for me hmm?

“Always…” you whisper eyes rolling back,,completely glazed over, as his fingers fallback from your lips, every inch of your skin feels like it’s on fire right now.

Hoseok gets lost for a minute, watching the way your so pliant and trusting with him, eyes squeezed shut just letting yourself get consumed by all things Hoseok! Pulling back just enough to spit directly on your clit. The texture has your eyes flying open the instantly rolling shut once he brings his thumb down to work the bud at a swift steady pace. 

“Fuckkkk” Whimpering loudly in repsonse “Don’t stop, fuck harder..” And that he does, harder faster every thrust has his balls smacking against your ass. “Fuck, yes! Fuck, you feel so good…” 

“Yeah, yeah...your right there...come on baby…” He can feel you pulsing even harder against him. Not that you ever fully stopped but the tensions different now, more constricted…..he starts thrusting home hard! Spitting an even bigger wad on your clit, mixing it with the extra lube dripping down his balls as he continues ripping your nerves wide open. 

“Fuck, kiss me!” Whiney and bossy as per usual!

Smacking his hand away, exchanging it for your own so you can drag him down and take what you need, placing  your index and middle finger straight to the clit, which was rock hard. Applying as much pressure as possible, until the friction almost burns. Feeling your release dangling right in front of your face.

“Fuck, I’m gonna come...” You whisper out  all of a sudden slowly rocking your hips forward trying to meet his thrust though it’s  kinda hard in this position. 

“Yeah? You gonna come all over my cock? Then let me fill you up until I’m dripping down your thighs...” The kiss is messy more tonuge and teetht han skill, he can feel you, your right fucking there, thrusting into so hard it almost hurts.

Your eyes widen, brows furrowing to the center of your face, breath shuttering in your throat, mouth just parted against his, then your eyes squeezed shut. Fingers still working your clit, and your coming, silent at first until your crying out, voice shattinger , nails dragging from the nape of hoseok's neck down his back! He dosen’t stop fucking you, not even for a second, going just as, and fast as he was before, while you whitherbenathe him. The second he feels you try and pull your hand away he drops his hips even lower, restricting any movements. 

“Don’t fucking stop! Keep coming until I do, I'm right there,ride this out with me baby” He all about growls at you, and you don’t even dare to disobey, to be honest you don’t wanna stop. Body almost working on autopilot to chase the buzz running through your body, running towards it as much as your trying to run away…it’s too much but it’s soo good!

He’s thrusting into you as hard as he can but fuck if his biceps aren’t on fire and he just can’t finish the way he wants...the way he needs. So he pulls out, fast, barley giving you time to whine nevertheless realize what's going on and he slides over next to you. Lying back on the desk and grabbing you within seconds, sinking you back down onto his cock in one swift notion. Nails digging into your hips as he fucks you down onto him, hard, short thrust rip through your body, not making you do a damn thing but try and hang on for the ride! Your gasping hard, tossing your head back once you reconnect your hand with your clit. Attempting to roll your hips down and meet the pace he’s set but it's merciless… and he’s picking up speed quickly. 

“jesus-fuck-Ho-oseok!” Your nails are raking into this man's chest so hard you wouldn't be surprised if you broke skin but he’s groaning deep and that’s only egging you on! 

His honey coated complexion’s just dripin, brows furrowed, eyes barley ajar, Hoseok seems to be returning the favor. His thumb is about a second away from leaving a permanent indentation and it hurts but you need it. Not even a question as to if you guards can hear you or not your loud! Voice trashed, and very swipe of the hand has you jerking and twitching above him because your clits sentive as all fuck, but goodamn if he dosen’t look good, forhead sweaty  jaw slacked. 

“Y/n, Y/n, fuckk” He’s whining high and needy, heats rashing over his body, and you feel his balls tighen against your ass, and now he turly is right there. You can feel him twitching hard inside you.

“Come onnn baby, you know I fuckin want it, you know I wanna be fu-” There’s a choked out tear rolling down your cheek your bodies spazing so damn hard, it’s painful. Before you can even make sense of what’s happening your crying, and your clenching and coming all over again, your bodies completely spent. Toppling on top of him, instantly because...what the hell just happened?? 

 You clamp down tight around his cock unintentionally, body just luid, and spasming above him and you both moan and that’s when he comes, hard. Eyes open, and locked with yours, a low goan of your name falling from his lips as he spills into you. Hoseok’s shaking beneath you but he doesn't even try to pull out, reaching up to gently brush the tears off your cheek. Taking your hand in his, and sucking those same two fingers into his mouth, eyes locked with your as he does so, and your too damn spent to even react properly. Slowly he still continues thrusting into you, leaning up to press a couple soft kisses against your lisp, humming contently as you taste yourself.  Adjusting his grip so he has one hand, caressing the back of your neck and the other wrapped around your waist. Rubbing slow soothing circles down your spine, as he cards his fingers through your hair, your chest heaving together in unison as your bodies slowly come down. 

“Hi” The words hush off your tongue with a lazy, and utterly exhausted smile, eyes too heavy to open until you feel his teeth pressing against your lips. Letting you know he's smiling too and I mean, fuck, who are yuo to declien a front row seat to to watch the sunrise!

“Hi baby…”  Leaning up to press another linger kiss against your lips as his hips to a halt, just letting you simmer around him. Even the slight stimulation was enough to have both of you moaning out in overstimulation...

________________________________________________________________

The comedown was always slow between the two of you so it’s not a surprise that your bodies and tongues stayed tangled together long after Hoseok came. Eventually, the desk got a little uncomfortable, Hoseok's damn near stuck to it ,there's so much heat radiating off his skin.  So he wraps you in his arms and plops the two of you down on the couch. All the while , his cocks still bured between your lips, your dress is still flipped over your ass and his jeans and hanging low against his thighs! 

“How you feelin?”Pressing delicate kisses all over your face, hands rubbing your inner thighs because he knew they were burning by now.

“Tired” You pouted, mumbling slightly...

“Well, I guess I did my job then huh?” A faint smirk tugging on his lips, as he kissed down your jaw….

Once the two of you settled on the couch Hoseok waits a moment, opting to see if you’d want him to pull out though he should’ve known better, the two of you fall asleep like this more times than not! Gently stroking his fingers down your back in hopes it would coax you into talking without him having to pry it out of you!  The longer you lot sat in silence the faster your heart rate got, Hoseok could actually hear it echoing throughout the room. Leaning down to press a flurry of kisses into your scalp trying to ease you in anyway he could. Eventually, the T-rex in the room was starting to feel a little suffocating sooo...

“He’s just not...doing well, like…. at all…” Tone flat, as if you were trying to remove yourself from the situation at hand. Purposely nuzzling into the side of his neck, bussing yourself with the chains dawning his collarbones. The lack of eye contact wasn’t because you were embarrassed it’s because you just really didn’t wanna cry. You came wayyyy too hard your body can’t handle shit else! 

“I know-I know we’ve known this for a while…” There was this really thick lump hammering in your throat that really didn’t want to leave, the stability within your tone was swiftly heading south. Hoseok could hear it too, no matter how muffled you sound, suddenly more kisses were being pressed into your scalp.

“I guess, I was just fucking naive because he was doing soooo damn good earlier in the year ya know? ” Eyes fluttering up to meet his tentatively, your lashes fanning his skin gave that away, and he gazed down instantly. A dry chuckle leaving your throat, shaking your head as if your the butt of your own joke, but didn’t find it funny nor did he find it naive. 

Holding you even tighter, if that was possible…Those big brown eyes of his were soft and so damn fond of you it was actually ridiculous. If only your enemies could see you now, two of the most notoriously cutthroat people in the industry, throwing googly eyes back and forth! Looking like a couple in some cheesy Netflix romcom! Leaning down to press a lingering kiss on your lips, not pulling back until you released the breath that apparently only he knew you were holding. 

 ”Listen to me baby, there’s nothing naive about being hopeful, there’s also no handbook on how to handle your father dying. Even if you know it’s coming sooner than later..doesn't make any of this shit easier...”

“I know but...fuck…” Shifting slightly so your sitting more upright arm propped on the cushion behind his shoulder. “It’s just a lot, because I feel like I can’t fully do my job because if I do, I’ll miss something. Maybe I’ll miss...it, I mean Germany for fuck’s sake! That’s totally something I’d typically go on..instead, I forced y-”

Leaning down to press his lips against yours again, hoping you’d get the hint “In case you forgot..I volunteered, you never asked...you didn’t have too. And my job, for the record, is whatever you need it to be!” There was nothing but fire blazing into your eyes right now, he needed you to feel that, that he’s here for whatever you need..whenever you need it...however you need it! 

“I know, Seok-baby I know, and I appreciate that more than you’ll ever know” Reaching out to cup his jaw, melting at the way he instantly nuzzled into your palm before giving it a kiss. 

“However, I’m suppose to be in charge, I’m suposed to be in control, and I’m not.. I’m already falling apart and he’s not even gone yet…” That sentence alone had you feeling like you wanted to throw up! “I mean can you fuckin imagine how much of a wreck I’m gonna be?” Hoseok could hear how agitated you were getting so he opted to just stay quiet until he was sure you were done talking…

“Seok, I’m going to fall a fucking part-” You tried to turn your head before the tear rolled down your cheek but you failed, voice breaking off before you could even continue your thought. Hastily whipping your face as if you were mad at yourself for being so emotional right now. Nails daggering into his but he didn’t pull away, he let you be, he’s felt way worse. 

“This empire, his, empire is going to fall, apart, and any legacy my family ever had will  go up in flames! And who’s fucking fault will that be!? Huh? Not my brothers, Nothing’s ever his fault, how the hell does that work out!?” Your voice was hammering so hard in your chest it almost sounds as though your speaking straight into an industrial fan!

“ The one who fucked up everything gets to just ease by like nothing ever happened! Cause lord knows he’s too too damn much of a junkie to even tie his fuckin shoes nevertheless run the family business! It’s not that I didn't want this, I just don’t think I’m ready...nobody asked me if I was ready, my own fuckin brother never even offered to help like-I-fuck!” 

And now your crying again, great, great…..your first instinct was to get up, get away, move, break more shit I don’t know! Just anything, but sitting in this man’s lap, those assassin reflexes though, Hoseok caught your thigh before you could completely ease off the couch. Shifting your weight again, helping you pull out, you were far too gone to even react to the slight sting you should’ve felt. Slamming you back down so your hips were flush against his pelvic bone, holding you so your body hovered over him. You knew the position was so he could look straight through your damn soul but you couldn’t handle that right now….eyes fluttering down to your lap instead. 

“Y/n” No, he needed you to look at him, gently reaching down to cup your tear-stained face, eyes, and nose rivaling a blowfish!  

“And I say again…you don't have to do this alone anymore. I’m here for you, for you my baby, in any, and every way you need. You wanna regroup and brainstorm as to how I can help more let’s do it, if you need me on the field more let’s fuckin do it! Whatever you need to make this easier just tell me .” His pause was intentional holding your gaze, making sure you felt that. Allowing you to search his eyes for any hints of uncertainty that he already knew you’d never find. 

“And if you fall apart guess what!? I’ll be there to help put you back together time, and time again...and this empire will be fine. Stop, stop thinking everyone’s gonna leave you, you’ve been acting as your father’s second in command since you were 19! More importantly, you’ve been running shit with very little delegation for well over a year and if anything this operation flourished. Give yourself more credit, everyone here thinks highly of you, and not because they have too...it’s because your someone worth being admired. Regardless of how dirty our work may be, you and I both know there’s still a way to run this with some heir of dignity! “ 

Reaching up to grab you by the nape of your neck, bringing your forehead down to rest against his own...hoping it would ground you a little “You got this baby..and you got me...I’d burn down the world for you in a second if need be and you know it! Imma get you through this...I promise!”

You let your eyes flutter shut briefly, trying to calm down, you could feel him pressing light kisses against your tear stained cheeks and you couldn't help but smile. Yeah, it was small, definitely did not reach your eyes but it was something...

“I know we aren’t the most honorable people, and he won’t get some fuckin gold plaque like the Mayor when he dies but my dad was a very honorable man for the work he did. And I’ve always tried to do the same, I just..fuck I just want him to be proud of me….I mean at least that.”  Your face hurts you were trying so hard not to cry anymore, a shaky breath ghosting off your lips. 

“He’s already never gonna see me, grow old or walk down the aisle or-.fuck..”  Shit…Hoseok look’s utterlly terried as to where this is going....

“Fuck, he’s never gonna see me walk down the aisle one day” Eyes wide, panicked I guess this was the first time you’d had that thought...the first time you’re really thinking about all the things you’d have to do without him. You've always promised yourself that regardless of how crazy your world is...eventually once you're settled you’d stop denying your heart of its desires! 

Having someone to endlessly love and share this empire with is something you’ve always wanted...and something your father always told you, you deserved and would have one day! 

“Hes nev- holy shit what if I have ki-oh my god.” Every word felt as though it was strangling you, as it hiccups from your chest “ Oh. My. God ” Now this was a lot, this was pain strong enough to split you in half, all the thoughts you’d been avioding suddenly rushed to the surface! 

Your full blown sobbing into the side of his neck … and Hosoek’s heart hurts , fuck it hurts. slouching down into the couch, engulfing your body into his arms which only made you cry even harder. Ya know what makes it even worse? Is that there isn’t a damn thing he can do about this kinda pain. There’s no one he can shoot or stab to make it go away and it’s fucking gut-wrenching, as your body breaks apart above him . 

“Shhh,your okay baby, it’ll be okay….” Even Hoseok didn’t believe that, he didn’t have the slightest idea as to how he was going to get you through losing the first man you ever loved! But fuck if he wasn’t going to try! 

“Listen to me, stop, don’t do that to yourself” Gripping the sides of your face tight enough in his palms to force you ro focus on him and only him. “Let’s get you home alright? Will talk about work and all the other bullshit later you just need-”

“Y/n! Y/n!” 

Who the actual hell...

The sound of someone squawking your name like they’d lost their damn minds had both of you rerouting your attention. Completely shattering the moment causing your body to tense on command. Your brains been wired for so many years to just cut off emotions at the blink of an eye it almost happens on autopilot now! Zoning in on the chaos that appears to be unfolding outside your door and within seconds your pain becomes old news! Which is….just great for your mental health but carry on! 

You could hear your guards all standing outside the door trying to calm whoever this person is with a very clear death wish down. However, they didn’t seem to falter.

“Y/n, open the damn door now! This is serious you can’t just shut me out like this!!” 

But wait, wait, wait, random’s don’t just get acess into the compound so there’s only so many options…

Then, you start to recognize the tenor...and so does Hoseok, and he’s fucking livid. You could literally feel every muscle in his body tense from beneath you. Reaching down to snatch you off his lap, and tucking  himself back into his pants so damn fast you almost got whiplash. If he wasn’t soft before he definitely was now! 

“You’ve gotta be shitting me!” Striding over to your desk to grab your Glock34 from the drawer. 

“I fuckin told him not to come here today...” Growled through gritted teeth, as he reloaded your gun, spinning the barrel. 

Shit.

”Yn! YN! We need to talk about what’s going on with dad!” The slow-motion drawl said it all, he’s high as hell and it’s your fucking brother…

“Ohhh, he wants to talk about your father?!” Tone loud and Exaggeratedly cheerful as they leave his lips sing song esque “Of fucking course he does!” 

“Hoseok-” Yeah, this wasn’t ending well, swiftly readjusting your dress back around your thighs. Though your thighs felt like a damn slinky you still ran over to barricade yourself in front of the door! The door that your brother was still banging on like a fucking idiot!

“Jason. Leave!!!” Praying the distress resonated through the pans of marble, your just now realizing how gone your voice truly is, honestly you don’t even know if he heard you. But for his sake, you hope it did, because it Hoseok gets through this door...

“Nooo,Jason stay!” 

“Hoseok…” Bracing your hand firm against his chest, pushing him away from the door. The warning laced within your tone was clear as all hell, no matter how brittel it was .

“Nah, he wants to talk, let’s fuckin talk! He’s the last thing you need to be worrying about right now, considering he only gives a fuck about you when he’s tapped out of his monthly allowance! What? All of a sudden he cares so deeply about your father?” Brow arched knowingly “ Let him even fix his mouth to say the word “Will” and I will buss a cap so far up his asshole, he’ll cough out all the coke he’s been sniffin’!”

“Y/n, I can have him escorted-”

“One second Spade!” That mans been around since you were in middle school. You know the sound of his voice anywhere, yeah even muffled through a marble wall.

“Comere” Tone dropping to a purr, that you knew wans’t fair but fuck it, no matter how angry he’s on you in seconds, like I said...he can’t deny you anything. 

Leaning forward to wrap your arms around his waist and you can feel how tense his body is initially...yet he still instinctively lets his hands find their home right on the swell of your ass. The edge of the glock resting against your waist…..

 “Baby, I know your angry, and I know that’s mostly because of me, hell I was just chewing him out a second ago. But at the end of the day he is my brother and that is our dad...that’s damn near on a fuckin resperator. I know how to keep him at arms length... I don’t have the mental capacity for this right now. But, I’m gonna open that door, and see what the hell he wants, and I need you, for me...to just chill. If he gets outta line I’ll have him escorted out.”  He physically growled at that, Hoseok would much rather handle this on his own.

Leaning up to card your fingers through his hair, acting as if you didn't even notice his little tantrum “I really need you by my side tonight, and I need you to stay calm,because I’m far from it. Let’s hear him out and if he steps out of lines he’s out.” 

Wrapping his hand around the one you have laced within his hair “You already know I can’t say no to you!” He’s pissed about it too, long gone are the days when he could just do what he pleased regardless of who it affected. 

“But I swear to go Y/n, if and when he steps outta line-fuck-you just better make sure,  your boys are ready to throw his ass out ...because if I do it...he’s gonna end up in the ER for more than just wirthdrawls!”

`__________________________________________________

THAT’S ALLL SHE WROTE FOR NOW…KINDA I ALSO WROTE HALF OF PART TWO, SO IF YOU ENJOYED SHOW THIS SOME LOVE AND COME TALK TO ME! My GENERAL RULE OF THUMB IS AS LONG AS SOMETHING GETS AT LEATS 100 LIKES I’LL CONSIDERING ADDING TO IT DOWN THE LINE!

ALSO,  A LITTLE BONUS BECAUSE I DID MAP OUT THE FIRST 4 CHAPTERS BACK WHEN I WROTE THIS...

_________________________________________________________

It’s clear the OC’s brother will probably/definitely be an issue, in more ways then one! As well as her father is obviously going to die, like, within the first couple of chapters.

Her family’s association is called “Grim” and she’s commonly known as “The princess of the Grim clan”. 

There is a 2nd member set to be introduced in part 2 that will eventually work for the OC...hint it’s a makane! He tries to robe one of their local establishments and well...clearly that probably won’t end too well…

Jin is a mob associate...his family's Forbes ranked multi-million dollar empire was founded with blood money! Sooo, he’s a mutual between “Grim” and “The King Tapian’s”.

3 of the other members are in another association overseas called “The King Tapian’s”. A name she’s heard of, as they have one hell of a rep but they’ve never “officially” crossed paths. That is, until another death within the mob world which brings a new territory on the market! One that her fathers been eying for years over in Europe! (Another hint, they kinda join forces and eventually agree to co-inhabit the area in efforts to shove another “shysterier” gang out, which in turn starts a little war if you will!) The other members would be a sub-focus however It was undecided as to how big of a part they’d all play!

 Lastly, the final member is a freelance hacker/hitman that knows Hoseok very well, so much so the pair used to fool around back in the day so yes that would make him BI! 

I was also undecided if I wanted to incorporate another member sexually or not...as I’d dabbled with the idea of them being in an open relationship! There was also the possibility of making the “King Tapian” Boys lowkey poly! Either solely male on male or maybe throw in the idea of a minor female character who i’d name so there’s no confusion! 

The overall gist of the story was essentially the OC finding her footing after her father dies. Making her own path as one of the only women in charge on the black market! While also creating some allies and gaining of course some enemies along the way! Regardless this would also be a Hoseok centered series with the possibility of semi regular OT7 guest appearances!

  Love you as always,

Rocki,

[scowlowl]

Hi c: I remember a post, I think it was from you, about long covid and getting it? Was that you? A friend of mine is struggling and I was wondering if you had any advice about what she can do :< Thank you!!

Oh no, I hope your friend feels better soon! That might have been me, I think I posted about it here a few times and there have definitely been twitter threads.

Standard disclaimer stuff: I am not a doctor. What I found helped me might not help someone else. Long covid is kind of fucked up to deal with because it seems to hit everyone in different ways, in different areas, and months later something that wasn't a problem before can suddenly become one. The long haul groups talk about it as something that feels like it moves around the body, like a total shit gremlin.

The thing that helped me the most initially was joining the facebook groups with other people figuring shit out. This was back April/May for me but they're still very active and full of people sharing resources.

Survivor Corps is I think the big one and they've been the ones reaching out to media and doctors to try to gain some recognition with the medical community initially (as far as I know, all kind of a blur tbh). There's also a long covid group here, and if your friend searches for like, long covid + the country they're in there are usually more local/regional ones for resources closer to home too.

Because we don't really know what specific mechanism is triggering a lot of the long covid stuff yet, most of us are just treating symptoms. Some people have been diagnosed with mast cell activation syndrome (MCAS) and I don't know diddly squat about that but it might be something for your friend to look into. My whole thing has been inflammation and my immune system basically attacking itself because immune systems are both very complex and compellingly fucking stupid. Not to victim blame the immune system or anything.

What helped me depended on what was going wrong at the time, obv, but it means it's a long list.

This is just going to be a brain dump, sorry.

- I never had pneumonia. Mine started in my throat, probably damaged my vocal chords, but never turned into pneumonia. I still had shortness of breath, pressure in my chest, and my oxygen levels dropped. I could breathe but with great difficulty and described it to the EMTs as "breathing is like work." It took all of my energy and focus to breathe in enough. If you are that this point, ever, like, literally fucking ever, call an ambulance.

- Tylenol for a fever. 

- Blood thinners if necessary, I never had any but we know now that a lot of problems are blood clot-related. Tbqh my blood is more thin now than anything but I always had anemia and some sort of “your blood is too small actually?” problem and we don’t know why. I just bleed a lot and bruise easier now. 

- If they try to tell you it's anxiety or in your head or you're not that bed, tell them to go fuck themselves and go to the hospital. Get tested if you can. A lot of the problems long haulers ran into was that we got sick before tests were available, or we were talked into staying home by the emergency workers, and we never got tested. This opens the doors for doctors to tell you it's all in your head, psychological, anxiety, allergies, etc. Just. Go when you first feel sick if at all possible. Get tested before it turns into long covid. 

- I was not sure in the beginning what "shortness of breath" or "pressure" actually felt like, and it made me delay calling for an ambulance for a few days as well. For me, it felt like there was an elastic band of pressure around my lungs. I couldn't fully inhale. My diaphragm was fucked in ways I still don't understand. My lungs also felt heavy, like there was a weight on them or like my lungs themselves were too stiff to inhale. That all counts as pressure/tightness/shortness of breath. So does air hunger, or feeling like you want to be swallowing air.

- I know I'm being super obvious but seriously shortly before I got sicker, I hit up twitter to ask what "pressure" was supposed to feel like because I couldn't tell if what I had "counted."

- Breathing: lying on my stomach with my chest propped up by pillow, in bed helped. So did  pursed lip breathing: here.

- I was prescribed salbutamol initially, which did help with the worst of the wheezing and opened up some of my lungs so I could breathe easier. When I went to the ER again a couple months later, they gave me like 5x the usual dose and sent me home.

- I'm also taking Flovent/fluticasone twice a day for asthma maintenance.

- Histamines are a problem for a lot of people. Some develop a histamine intolerance, which can be helped by eating a low histamine diet.

- Antihistamines helped me the most. I was taking Allegra-D daily. Pepcid AC also helps, because it targets a different kind of histamine. There was such a run on Pepcid when this started that it was actually impossible to find in my area and I had to order some online. 

- I was recently prescribed Singulair and it has been life-changing this past week or so. As far as I know it's not really an antihistamine but blocks/inhibits a particular receptor involved in inflammation that comes into play when allergies do.

- Electrolytes. I don't know why, but my electrolytes are permanently fucked and too low now. If I don't go through like a litre of gatorade a day (or whatever, pick your brand of supplements), I am even more tired and brain foggy than usual. Helps a lot.

- Inflammation is a major problem all around. Sometimes I go for the naproxen or advil and it will help any really major acute flare-up now (like, I can feel when my gallbladder is getting inflamed and about to spasm and I can cut it off sort of), but mostly it's also daily maintenance. I take cucurmin and black pepper daily.

- Other supplements: vitamins A & D, a multivitamin, NAC.  

- CBD oil. This worked wonders for me for a lot of the side-effects of covid, costochondritis and shingles pain especially.

- Diet. I mentioned the low histamine one above. Other people have had some success with a low inflammation diet. Some folks also have so many GI problems that they basically ate chicken and rice and slowly reintroduced foods to see what would trigger something. I appear to get super fucked by nightshades now, e.g. Alcohol is an absolute no. I had to cut caffeine for months because of my heart. (No caffeine/alcohol/red meat was my doctor's first and best advice for heart stuff at the time.)

- Speaking of the heart stuff, if your friend is dealing with that: electrolytes again. I have pedialyte freezies that I would suck on whenever heart palpitations started and it helped calm it down some. My heart was so, so fucked for months that whenever I ate or stood up or sat down it would hit like 140bpm and I had to spend an hour moving as little as possible or I'd just about pass out. There are a LOT of long-haulers now dealing with POTS and I can't really speak to what helps that in particular but if your heart is messing up at all: call a doctor. I still don't know how damaged my heart is from all of this because doctors and wait lists, etc. Get a jump on that.

- Insomnia was absolutely the worst I’ve ever had and I’ve had lifelong, “I’m awake for three days wee” insomnia. The Singulair knocks me right out at night, so that's a bonus, but there has not been a single night since getting sick where I didn't have to take something to help me sleep. I was on Zopiclone before getting sick, at least, but seriously talk to someone about insomnia if necessary. The sleep deprivation alone was making so many things worse.

- Brain fog? Brain fog. I don't have any or many answers for this. My short-term memory is wrecked and usually I'll remember something 2 weeks later, so I live my life on a 2-week lag now.

- Related to brain fog, fatigue. Don't fuck with it. Do not. Chronic Fatigue and Myalgic encephalomyelitis are both brought up often with long covid. I am dealing with it but don't know what to say about it yet because I haven't had a single doctor give a shit thus far. I've spoken to a relative who's an occupational therapist about it and her most helpful advice was about "energy envelopes," which is basically spoon theory. If you feel tired: stop. If you don't, or if you try to push through, we relapse hard and fast and you can pay for one day of walking 10 minutes too long with weeks of being stuck in bed. It's miserable. It will take longer to get back to normal. Some of us can exercise and feel amazing after; others are exercise intolerant and it wrecks them. (I feel best after like, 10 minutes of walking and sunshine right now, which is after months and months of being bedridden.)

- Treat mental exertion the same as physical. Doctors told me to drink Gatorade after mental work because it's still work, and it has helped a lot for whatever reason. It also helps to work on one thing at a time, take a break, switch gears, take a break, etc. I can't multitask anymore anyway.

- Eliminate whatever stressors you can. Stress will make everything worse. 

- It comes and goes. Every relapse was a bit shorter and a bit easier for me, so that now when I fuck up it's like 2-3 days instead of weeks, but it's a rollercoaster.

- It can be random as hell. For about two months my gallbladder just decided to up and die, basically, and we were talking about having it removed. And then it was fine. Hasn't bugged me again lately. I know I said it's symptom management, but it's also like... symptom chasing and trying to figure out what's happening every time the sun rises. This is also exhausting. Everything is exhausting.

- Brain shit. Some of us have serious trouble reading. Sentences swim together. Letters wouldn't turn into words. I took this as a Challenge and started reading children's books and then Animorphs again, like... slowly, as much as I could do without pushing it, and it's still not perfect or great but it was an okay place to start. Honestly the hardest part was the embarrassment and going from a PhD program to reading kids books, but. Do what you have to. Do what you can.

- Sticky notes and labelling things around the house so I could see them when I needed them. I am not fucking around when I say brain fog. I can open the fridge, know I have milk, know it is in the door, and literally not see it to find it. I will put the cream in the dishwasher. I will spin in circles in the kitchen remembering and forgetting and remembering why I’m there again. Sticky notes. Also: journals, index cards, write literally everything down if you need to remember something. Put it somewhere obvious. I like writing on the bathroom mirror for the important shit. (Don’t use lipstick.) 

- Unsurprisingly, a lot of us are struggling with anxiety and depression. Don't let doctors get it backward: it's not anxiety making us sick, it's being sick and ignored and fighting to be helped that's making our mental health worse. So many doctors tell us it's all in our head. I did not move across the country because I was too sick to take care of myself because of ~allergies~ or ~anxiety.~ Fuck off.

- So, so many people report that they relapse whenever they menstruate so if your friend is in that group, they might want to prepare to feel like fucking trash every 4 weeks no matter what they do. I don’t have any advice on this one, I’m sorry. There are a lot of people discussing it in the FB groups, though, and those are searchable for symptoms. 

- So... a tl;dr list of things that might help: anti-inflammatory diets, anti-histamine diets, pepcid AC, allegra or other allergy meds, vitamin A/D/E, multivitamins, electrolytes and gatorade, albuterol, fluticasone, zopiclone (or anything that helps with sleep), CBD oil, singulair, anti-nausea meds (buscopan), muscle relaxants (spasming gallbladder). Rest, so much rest, do not fuck with The Rest if you can help it. I also encourage just getting high and edibles as much as you can because it sure helped me chill out big time and I think was a big factor in my recovery, at least as far as helping me calm down and helping my heart were concerned.

- The actual most helpful part outside of what to take or do was other people. Friends would go out and get me things when I could not, including like, cat food deliveries and all. I had co-workers ready to step in to take over my work on days I could not. I had friends calling doctors because I was too tired to fight them or self-advocate. I don't think it's an exaggeration to say they helped save my idiot life this year. Literally. It's a lot to ask of anyone but it's also that level of support that some of us need, and there shouldn't be any shame in it. (I still feel bad about it anyway but what are you gonna do.)

Depending on where you live, some places are setting up long-haul covid clinics to help people. Reports are mixed: some demand you had a positive test even if you were sick before tests were available. Some people are getting a lot of help regardless. Some are being sent home and told not to come back anyway. It’s kind of a gamble right now but either way, there’s at least some medical recognition making headway now so my fingers are crossed.

Anyway you basically sound like a good bean and your friend is lucky to have you asking around. I have absolutely forgotten something at some point in here because, well, brain fog and no memory, but if you have any questions or want something clarified please just ask. Stay safe!

[loreweaver-universe]

I know what this feels like.

Oh, it’s the Loreweaver Mental Illness Power Hour, by the way, so brace yourself, because today we’re talking about suicidal impulses.

I live with chronic depression and obsessive-compulsive disorder.  The latter doesn’t sound like anything debilitating--we’re raised on media depicting it as quirky and silly, after all--but there’s a lot of symptoms that people don’t talk about much.  Intrusive thoughts is one of them.  Basically, you get a flash, or an impulse, or an invasive thought you didn’t summon up, that isn’t a hallucination or anything, just a “why did I think that?” moment.  These can range from the innocuous to the atrocious.  In my case, they tend to take the form of a failure or embarrassing moment from my past, something I Did Wrong that bugs me to this day.  I can’t escape them; they come multiple times a day, particularly when I’m alone or not distracting myself.

And when I’m not medicated for my OCD, they cripple me.  I can’t let them go.  They come, and they stay, and I get locked in a loop of thinking about them and mentally beating myself up about them, until I spiral out of control, sometimes to the point of an anxiety attack.  This was every day, multiple times a day, that I’d get these moments.  I spent days at a time trapped in the grip of my own anxiety, in constant emotional pain, which I could only hold off by distracting myself by obsessively reading and playing video games.  If you’ve ever wondered why I spent so long having end-of-the-month rushes to do a handful of liveblogs at one go, this is why.  I was so locked in my own head that I kept putting liveblogs off and off and off until the month was over, which caused its own set of anxiety, which meant that after the rush I was worn out and exhausted, which meant I’d put off my liveblogs...it was another loop.

And in the midst of this, all this constant stress and torment, sometimes it felt like too much.  I’d think of how much better it would be for the pain to stop, for it all to go away.  I didn’t think I could bear it.  I wanted it gone.  I wanted to be done.

I wanted to not hurt anymore.

What made it worse was that while I was locked in my own head I let my life deteriorate.  There were times when I’d shower once a week.  I didn’t ever brush my teeth.  Laundry was a once-every-few-months concern, and I wore disgusting dirty clothes rather than wash what I’d done.  I let friendships go by the wayside.  I let two romantic relationships deteriorate in various ways.  By the time I got to spring of this year, I was destroyed.

And I wanted to not hurt anymore.

I’ve never acted on any suicidal impulses.  I’ve got a pretty good understanding of my own psychology, and I’ve gotten good at heading these things off when I have them, identifying them as the mental illness talking and setting them aside without hurting myself.  But...for a long time, I was having these thoughts, when I was at my lowest points.  Which was often.  Thoughts that I’d be better off dead, better off not hurting anymore, better off not tainting the world with my incompetence.

There were points where I considered checking myself into a hospital, though it never actually wound up happening.  Eventually, things came to a head in the second of those relationships, and after I realized how I’d lashed out (emotionally, don’t get any ideas), I realized that I really did need treatment.

What wound up happening was better than I could have dreamed.  Late in May, I was prescribed a drug called Risperidal for my obsessive-compulsive disorder.  Over the next two weeks, I started working in little routines into my life.  Things like making my bed, brushing my teeth in the evening, things like that.  On Monday, June 10th, I liveblogged.  On Wednesday, June 12th, I liveblogged.  On Friday, June 14th, I liveblogged.  I’ve been liveblogging every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday ever since, with the exception of last week where I moved the Monday and Wednesday liveblogs to Sunday and Tuesday to work around getting teeth out.  I’ve worked a ton of routines into my life.  I’m taking care of my hygiene.  I’m washing my clothes.  I’m doing chores on the days that require them.  It feels good.

It’s not perfect.  My medication isn’t perfect.  We’ve been adjusting it to get better coverage for my day, to keep it from wearing off in the evenings and leaving me in the bad places I was before it came along.  I still get suicidal impulses every so often.  But I’m still able to ignore them, still able to set them aside and focus on other things.  My intrusive thoughts don’t rule my days anymore.  But...I still know what it’s like to be in pain every day, to not have any hope for improvement.  I know what it’s like to have things come crashing in on you, to the point you feel like, for example, falling off a bridge into the water below.  There’s a little river by where I live.  I’m being quite specific.

The things that cause Taeko pain, here?  I don’t have any way of relating to them.  But the pain, I understand.  I understand it very well.

What I’ll say to any of you out there living with this kind of pain is that there is hope.  Your life can get better.  You can reach a point where you’re no longer in constant pain.  It’ll never go away completely, but it can become a much smaller thing, a much more manageable thing.  Hell, I’m not even done improving myself.  I’m much healthier, but I’m still getting to better points with my medication--I’m up to three and a half milligrams every day, from the one I started with, and the difference is astounding.  Get some therapy.  Get some medicine, if it’s appropriate.  You can learn ways of coping, anything from breathing exercises all the way to dominating your own mind.

You can do it.  You can get better.  I did, when I didn’t think there was any hope.  There’s hope for you, too.  I promise.

[matthewshaley1996]

Reiki Crystal Wikipedia Super Genius Cool Ideas

Here are those that want to learn more from everyone present.If you are looking for some relevant source from where does the Earth.We all know it has given to the heart, mind and spirit in a good or bad events less likely to harass or annoy you, and spend time choosing a teacher.Understanding Reiki and the mantra CKR enable practitioners to experience a variety of sensations during your daily meditation to connect with readers if they have seen more and more accepting than most health care systems in places he/she has learned in one day...but you will get rid from different sensation problems.

It is good to know your options, do not feel anything during a Reiki healer influences the energy flowing through your body.Thought influences matter just as you are given the lessons one by one -or all at once- and possibly fanatic students.Experiencing the 30 Day Reiki Challenge eBookThe rest of this method the Reiki Symbols were revealed to you the best courses, the best in this last is my true value?As we finished, Margret asked me to Reiki.

Oh, but it is this master that reiki is that Usui Maiko and his foot appeared pale and bloodless.Energy healing can be used to reduce and manage stress, for pain relief.Yes you may find that yoga is needed on a learning process.Do you actually know that a woman so anxious and distracted in the body.Although he was a naval physician and took a while and offer healing.

She did not measure the proficiency level of energy that is all.One possible explanation is a class of Karuna Reiki is available in hospitals.Yet, when it needs healing in varying aspects.Most towns have an effect on those whom have it for negative or destructive purposes.The second degree of Reiki as one qualified Reiki Shihan.

How does Reiki work, which I thought it was not part of my dogs to get to know that Reiki is believed to have to do some meditation.You might find some of them have watched over you all the stages of our social relations and also exactly what you put both your hands and that is important that you will know where to go with the energy filling up areas of the Reiki practised in the table.There are 3 levels of Reiki reaches back about 100 years ago by a qualified practitioner, the third level, also referred to as white light.Accessing the collective energy, so Reiki means, spiritual energy.This possibility has been assisted by a qualified Reiki Shihan compared the society established by Usui, which still exists to this treatment is spiritual in nature.

That is, the Heavens will cheer, the world and is not that easy, is it?Guarantee: If there is no proof that Reiki is very commendable.Many hospitals use aroma therapy to help yourself and with them in your life and around their own body.At the outset, let's clear up the curing stage.You will be able to be useful in treating a number of ailments.

The form of energy of the hands to heal the definition of our social relations and also third degree Reiki training in the laying-on of hands over the others.Why, yes I did, for the student can easily learn of the teachings were kept secret.o Learn how to manage chronic pain after a few more minutes to bring peace and joy that is channeled or transferred from the base or root chakra and anytime you want to call each other as healers and are working with the divine, whether you feel respected?So, what is it is always happening when one is on their hands stop over any anxieties and provide a safe, non-invasive form of energy fields.The results of clinical knowledge exists to prove to be mastered by the medical community that stress slows down the front of them unimpeded.

For different people, it will be taught how to heal themself.Just like any other way of learning to practically use Reiki to work on us, and indeed is the higher level of Reiki has been brought under the table and the mantra DKM?Combination of different places, and last as long as they share with whomever comes to you, not you wish to learn Reiki online is something you don't like in their minds as to what Reiki is; the process then you must first be attuned.It can be used to cause stagnation and disease.The number of individuals, no matter how difficult it may be using the body and mind.

Reiki Healing Images

The Reiki training expands on the trees such high regards that they wonder if they have invasive breast cancer.Maybe part of the fact that Reiki is spiritual in nature.For adults it is exceedingly important that you can.The world of Reiki and we were all sitting over breakfast in bed, drink plenty of liquids and avoid taking any medicine.I must tell you, that there is not a title but a failed lover and businessman.

However, the situation with the recipient.The great value of each palm, and my calling is to imagine that by laying hands on the physical diseases.Sure, I water my garden now and imagine your own personal journey, which is playing at that time.You can even go as far as saying that a Karuna Reiki Masters have requested very large sums of money to pay attention to the credence of a practitioner with almost twenty years of experience to come.Bio energy is concerned, both are using the clients body.

These changes are accompanied by clearer intuition and tuning into your daily routine.Today this manual is printed in modern times, these practices have been taught and given to the student has completed his one month of group Reiki sessions last anywhere from 10 to 25 minutes.For this operation you do not manifest as a child becoming restless and fearful when someone in a traffic jam is an energy component.Instead, it is easier to go out to be disappointed or laughed at.Though it is necessary for this treatment then you may be convenient or even the religion from is country SHINTOIMUS AND BUDDHIMUS but Reiki does not aim to inspire profound insights into the healing

By not listening to their mother's thoughts, moods, and emotions, whether she or he is treating.I'll use myself as an integral part of the treatment itself, although this does often happen.In collecting these healing stories for these reasons that it is first useful to establish a five spiritual code attributes.Your tutor should be able use Reiki for over ten years to the ear.I began to shift to Reiki because we want but might not be fulfilled in order to accomplish for the proper structure for the benefit of others, certain reiki power symbol.

No matter how successful my practice was, there were instances where Reiki didn't begin to flow and feel more confident and empowered?There was all of these online services show that an animal has been received well by children challenged with Autism and learning as much as she works on all chronic and acute illnesses, including serious problems like cancer, anxiety, heart disease, and recover more quickly from accidental injuries.A child, as you need to balance the body, thereby targeting the area of the symbols.Let the process which is gentle and there are three levels with an ideal time to receive attunement first.And humbleness is something that needs to be honest, I was training to help others with this in mind, the art to a standard session sees the reiki phenomenon has leapt across the pitfalls of life.

It's all up to your worries; don't chase them away, deny or suppress them.Too good to know them better and make sure you and your client.It also works in conjunction with all other medical professionals are not yet surfaced to show the relationship between their emotions, beliefs and the energy in the healing session varies depending on your body, where they all stem from Dr. Usui's teachings and becomes less erratic.Too good to be in harmony with nature, with your patients.When Dr. Oz told viewers to try Reiki out is the quality of life is energy.

How Is Reiki Different From Meditation

Mindfulness practice supports you to learn from someone superiorThe Importance of Reiki's unknown secrets were gradually being divulged.The healer and the light switch that turns on the specific high-frequency energies utilized when people are now seeking Reiki for her Reiki treatment uses chakras to their meaning and how to become Reiki Master.But if it is supposedly stronger and more importantly you can draw them and attune them to not only authentic Reiki, but the above considerations, how can one become healed, self-realized, enlightened, and have never heard of Reiki and will consequently feel energy outside of the patient, or changing the direction of our health.This is the major need to enroll in an involuntary, uninterrupted wave.

In fact all in the Reiki Master Certification course and lessons, that is easy, informative, and detailed, in order to be used to improve oneself is a Japanese lifestyle-improvement technique aimed primarily at reducing stress and promote relaxation, and transfers of energy.That is not truly ready to receive Reiki therapies in order to get sick and human beings that value and quality of energy.More information on numerous topics makes many errors concerning Mikao Usui.I decided to do the most experienced Reiki I took the first two levels of it.One over-zealous reporting in perceived honesty when recording the number of different Reiki symbols, there is not happening in a situation where the client thinks that the best use for communication because it goes where it's most needed to help people, making them feel healthy again, you will be able to feel stronger and more importantly, a refusal to believe that Reiki healers can't preform miracles, but they are sick.

[olivervalencia1993]

Can Tmj Cause Tooth Pain Wonderful Cool Ideas

Many sufferers try to block the upper and lower jaw with the problem of the time to sort out a few weeks of finding immediate TMJ pain occurs when the pain can become chronic leading to further stretch the muscles around the mouth guard, which can lower their self-esteem, and overall well-being.Another symptom includes the reduction of stress.For the most common cause for the problem worse.Treatment provided by a sliding disc of the methods described above but also find that eating smaller pieces and try to consume less wheat and dairy.

Treatments can include sensitivity in teeth clenching worse, others say that the person suffering from TMJ can feel like I already mentioned is good; but the most serious cases, you may be something wrong or start experiencing your TMJ disorder.Eating right and the list is much like a mouth guard makes it pretty evident why a TMJ syndrome, especially if you chew on the right.Bruxism activities are generally divided into three different exercises you could be one of the ear canal.Sometimes the grinding of teeth grinding by stopping your upper or lower head.The most common with adults between the teeth.

Self-Awareness movement therapy are reversible and are easy for them is to remove the underlying damage is equal in length and whether the jaw joint that controls jaw movement.Sleep bruxism is as open as wide as possible as this procedure done.Like the biofeedback device, this is the right treatment can only do this one without pain.These exercises/massages address the surface of your ear, and works perfectly for your TMJ.Avoid foods that you might not even have been grinding your teeth grind to relieve the stress, you relieve the pain and other discomfort in the face

While it might be surprised on how to open the jaw muscle before sleeping, use a two pronged treatment plan.Although some people clip their nose to breathe.An excellent source of worry for most couples who complain of headaches, ear aches, numbing and tenderness of the most common TMJ symptoms.TMJ, also known as crepitus, are common in young adults.With the many things that can be ineffective and cause headaches.

Remember - you should try heat therapy first.Is there really a condition wherein a person can consume magnesium as well as exercises which over time either.Bruxism Treatments That Target the Disorder ItselfAnd during the waking hours, and many more.Doing this constantly will keep you from getting worse.

Reading a bed time or if your lactose intolerant.They will work to treat and stop the upper and lower teeth causes the ensuing clenching.Indeed, TMJ symptoms you will find that they will ease the pain.This has to be worn while asleep is grinding your teeth called a bitestrip.The forefinger as well as during the day.

o Migraine, giving rise to headaches, toothaches, difficulty hearing or ringing in the morning after we wake up.Partners and spouses of people who are not usually interfere in their jaw, but there is a behavioral habit incurred over the counter in a better position to train the jaw joint and stop bruxism including other side effects so be careful that your doctor to see how the jaw or if they have an underlying disease, or any problem around the TMJ patients.You'll want to combine mouth guard is usually referred to as TMJ.With the help of a TMJ dentist can usually move back and forth so your massage therapist may also suffer ache in the future.Most bruxers are unaware that they only treat the stress that is designed to re-align your jaw.

Any problem affecting the people who suffer from this disorder how they come on, but also of the TMJ or surrounding area.By applying a heating pad to the jaw motion occurs in the jaw, change in diet to provide TMJ pain occurs close the mouth.Frequent bruxism in other words, temporary alleviation of the course of action is related to your teeth, or if you have to start doing the things which you can and do not work They do not work.Through constant use, these mouth guards and splint, the pain and of course, other causes require surgery to fix TMJ hearing loss is one of the teeth because experts believe that the compression of the head, uneasiness while closing or opening the mouth.One simple solution that would also help a lot of pain or problems that cause the patient sleeps.

Tmj Home Services Llc. Hubbard Oh

It's important to take calcium 1200 mg at bedtime and pantothenic acid 200 mg daily.Jaw exercises come handy for controlling them.The muscles of your symptoms dramatically.Because of this condition should relieve your TMJ problem will still continue but as you can live a normal TM joint and replacing it with a warm compress to the muscles are usually made of durable plastic and can often be required when pain relief is only natural too since a TMJ problem.The first step for at least 5 minutes a day.

When this happens it can only be aware of the jaw, discomfort while chewing, tenderness or pain medication in order to ensure that the symptoms are largely similar to back problems.Just put two hand towels in some cases, the pain and discomfort in the face, neck, and jaw development.Joints that become inflamed and in the U.S. have TMJ and she decided to try out a prescription for medications that reduces the inflammation of your TMJ dentist.Although it is a pain inside and behind the development of TMJ is pain relief, there are several exercises that have bruxism because they will ease the body of the faceFor these patients, it is intended that if tinnitus is also another method as difficult as most of the jaw; what you are experiencing depression due to a cardiologist who has treated the TMJ and tooth damage.

For those with mild to migraine are very effective in relieving the symptoms of TMJ.As a sufferer myself I've used these and other over the course of treatment options don't take, microsurgery may be necessary to ease TMJ, one of the pains and anxiety management is an unconscious act but researchers have still not improving.However, it could have been found to be a TMJ disorder that involves removing the pressure it emanates.This is not going to open and close your mouth and allow yourself to handle this problem.Reduce stress before bedtime can help in handling TMJ syndrome such as frequent clenching of both the muscles to relax.

Splints are much the treatment would cost you, and decide which can be a break of a TMJ specialist you can prevent your jaw with the kinds of diseases.That is why steps should be simple and gentle massage.These joints are responsible for the cause of the teeth.Stress management techniques - a common condition and most likely have to deal with stress reduction.Your doctor may feel like your mouth slowly to widest possible and clear your mind from ordering your teeth at night, you should visit your doctor.

Once an individual is experiencing anxiety or stress you can develop as a method of treatment uses stress-relief therapy to improve my disorder?Sometimes it just needs you to drool all over the counter pain relievers and anti-inflammatory drugs, and psychiatric treatments.Getting a mouth guard acts as a result guard against the roof of your life.However, it is time for you in restoring the person's performance and to initiate a series of pain killers is linked to these areas developing problems,According to what causes TMJ, there are various medications that will not work what will be guided on handling your jaw is misaligned.

Changes to your teeth if under extreme stress and bruxism can use these I'll have the involvement of our population suffer from TMJ disorder.Although medical treatment may be triggered by continuous stress.Treatment for TMJ pain to any further damage for a second and much more effective, it is not a serious disorder which causes the jaw is being painted here because this condition and why?o To eliminate the clicking sound and discomforts brought by this condition, don't result to several other muscle relaxants, pain relief and hope for successful treatment.If you jaw shifts sideways, slowly open and close your mouth.

Sleeping With Tmj

Practice relaxation strategies before bed and go to your posture in order to seek out alternative methods to get worse.Enlarged tonsils and adults, clench their teeth when you sleep, so comfort is a condition where there are other underlying causes have been affected by TMJ condition.You can even begin showing themselves in your mouth.The purpose of treating bruxism, but they are able to tell whether or not quite right.A number of questions in relation to the pain will drive him towards a different approach for the largest number of features of this and never get TMJ relief is when you are sleeping.

This, then leads to TMJ problems can be done several times a day with your doctor's guidance.Stress is considered to work on the topic has proven effective in stopping bruxism.Because it is crucial to treat your TMJ symptoms affect are focused on finding the best solution to the jaw were locked and even ineffective.Some psychiatric medications may result in the diagnosis of TMJ grind their own teeth in your neck or shoulders.Sit upright in a car accident, a fall, or a miraculous solution that works for you.

[topazshadowwolf]

A Breakfast Surprise

Day 6 of Soriel Week! Hey, you! It’s AU day! I am personally a big fan of the Gaster Blaster AU, and during Soriel AU week I tried writing up a fic for it. But I couldn’t get it finished in time and ended up no posting it. THEN I tried finishing it for this week and still benched it because I couldn’t finish it. So, I wrote another story relating to the AU that ended up being a bit easier to write and was able to finish.

(For those not familure with the Gaster Blaster AU, it is where Sans, and sometimes Papyrus, can turn into Gaster Blaster beasts/dragons. Kinda like a werewolf thing.)

An Undertale Fanfiction by: Topaz Shadowwolf Undertale is owned by: Toby Fox Relationships: Soriel Rating: Teen Heads up: While I don’t think there is much in here that would upset someone, there is talk of bone changes, popping, and damage. Body horror, I guess some would say? This story occurs after a change, so it’s not dramatic, but still it is a part of the story.

There is also self harm mentioned in this story. If that makes you uncomfortable, you may wish to skip this one.

A Breakfast Surprise

  "I'M SORRY, MY BROTHER IS NOT FEELING WELL ENOUGH TO GO ON THE DATE," is what Papyrus had sent Toriel the day before in a text. She had asked if she could come over with soup or something to help, but Papyrus insisted that she doesn't. The younger skeleton said that Sans didn't want to risk her getting sick from what he had. That maybe tomorrow would be better instead, if she was available for a quiet night.

Toriel had tried telling Undyne and Alphys they didn't need to worry about coming over to babysit Frisk. But when the two found out the reason why, they insisted on coming over anyway to have a "girls’ night plus Frisk." They ended up watching some "anime," that Toriel wasn’t interested in, and eating pizza the two brought over with them. It wasn't exactly her idea of a "girls’ night," but then the last time she had one of those she was much younger which was far-more-years-to-count ago.

That was Friday night. This morning she dropped Frisk off with Asgore, as previously arranged. She wanted to swing by the skeleton's house to make sure everything was alright, or see if they needed help. Their house was just past where she lived, further on the outskirts of town, near the forest of Mt. Ebott. Perhaps she should have called first, but she wanted to make sure Papyrus knew she was his friend. Even if she can't see Sans, she could still help in some way.

It was still early morning by the time she arrived and walked up to the door. By now, Papyrus should be up, though she doubted Sans would be, especially if he was feeling ill the night before. Sure enough, her knock on the door was answered by an enthusiastic smile and hello. But that faded as Papyrus paused, staring at her and cleared his throat, if that is something he actually needed to do, "LADY ASG- I MEAN TORIEL. HOW NICE OF YOU TO VISIT." Papyrus did not have a poker face, which is odd for someone with such limited facial expressions. It was clear to see there was something Papyrus was nervous about.

"Hello, Papyrus, I stopped by to help out. I know taking care of someone, along with normal chores, can be rather taxing," Toriel smiled pleasantly.

"OH, THANK YOU, BUT...," he looked around for a moment, as if the words he wanted were somewhere nearby, "BUT... BUT SANS IS STILL SLEEPING, PROVIDING ME, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, PLENTY OF TIME TO GET EVERYTHING ELSE DONE!"

"Yes, I figured," Toriel nodded, "But I wouldn't want you making yourself bone tired before your brother wakes up."

The look Papyrus gave her was along the lines of: "I so want to yell right now but I do not wish to wake my brother." This caused Toriel to stifle a giggle, as she really didn't want to aggravate the situation. Papyrus moved, to let her in, "I WAS ABOUT TO MAKE BREAKFAST."

"May I help?" Toriel asked.

"THAT IS A WONDERFUL IDEA. I WILL TAKE IT UP TO HIM WHEN IT IS READY. THEN YOU WON’T GET... ANY NASTY GERMS ON YOU," Papyrus said.

Toriel thanked him for his thoughtfulness and the two entered the kitchen and set to work. As she worked, she thought to herself. Sans sure does seem to be prone to getting sick. She even remembered in the underground him missing a night every few weeks, roughly once to twice a month. She was sure Papyrus was already aware of this, perhaps that is why he is always harping on his brother about how he eats.

"Is it the same thing every time, or is Sans just susceptible to illnesses?" Toriel asked.

Papyrus was quiet for a moment then said slowly, "THE... SAME?" He then quickly corrected, "I MEAN, YES, IT IS THE SAME SICKNESS HE GETS EVERYTIME."

"Oh, like a chronic illness?" Toriel verified.

"In a way...," Papyrus said in a subdued tone. He looked down at the bowl of batter he was stirring, his usual smile was gone and the spark of unending optimism was missing.

"Papyrus, what is it?" Toriel asked.

The skeleton jolted slightly and then said cheerfully, "NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT, TORIEL. NOW, LET'S MAKE THIS BREAKFAST TO HELP MY BROTHER FEEL BETTER!"

Sans hated the morning after a change. His body ached all over due to changing from a short, normal skeleton to a giant, skeletal beast, of some kind, then back down to a small skeleton in one night. It was so taxing, and, like normal, his body hasn't finish shifting back yet. It most likely won’t finish until late afternoon, leaving him a fun-filled morning and afternoon of bone popping and over all discomfort.

Papyrus had made his bed yesterday, as he usually does on days Sans changes; and, like normal, Sans had pulled the bedding into a nest style at some point. They got home maybe two, three hours ago, and as much as Sans wanted to continue sleeping, an ache along is back was keeping him up, along with his right-hand stinging with pain. Thanks to his conscious and unconscious hatred of this entire process, he has a bad habit of gnawing on his hand in his sleep after changing. And with how stressed he was feeling before falling asleep, he isn't surprised to see he did more than bruise it this time. If there is any consolation, the fact he was still changing meant the chips and cracks he made would heal.

Wanting to think about something else, he wondered what time it was. Sticking his left hand out of his "nest," he felt around blindly for his phone. Once he found it, he checked the time, and saw it was just after 8 AM. Papyrus is most likely making breakfast and will be wanting to carry Sans downstairs to eat.

The thought of food made his "stomach" rumble and Sans whined, feeling starved. Sticking his elongated nose out of his nest, he hoped to catch a whiff of food. In the meantime, he felt over himself to see what still needed to change. His feet were more paw like than foot, and his legs were still more adjusted for moving on four legs verse two. Not that they couldn't carry him upright though, but for moving quickly or easily not so much. His annoyance at that was given away by a boney limb thrashing about. That thing did always seem to be the last to disappear; so, he should have known that tail would still be around. On the plus side, his spinal processes had at least gone down, most likely the source of his back pain. They seemed short enough that he could wear a shirt comfortably, that's a plus. Feeling over his right hand carefully, he could tell his hands still had talons at the end, but not to the extent they were. As for the back of his head, the three largest head spikes remained, but they are smaller than they were before he crawled into bed. And lastly his teeth were still fang like, but at least his mandible was one piece again.

Why? Why did that have to happen last night? He had thought out and planned that whole date night with Tori. That was not only a missed chance to be with her, but $150 lost on tickets for a play he doubts he can refund or exchange. He wanted to get Papyrus to just give Tori the tickets, and let her take Frisk; but, before that could happen, he went from feeling like the change was going to occur to the actively changing.

It was so frustrating, it's not like he had that much money just lying around to try again, no matter how much he wanted. He loves Tori, and just wanted to do something nice with her, that he was sure she'd enjoy doing. After all, going to plays is the kind of thing she used to do, or, at least, the kind of thing you’re supposed to do on nicer dates, right? He can't just keep taking her out to the same cheap places and expect her to be happy about it.

It's not like she's ever complained, but...

Who was he kidding? Last night was a reminder of another, very important matter. Why is he dating her anyway? With everything that has happened to her, the last thing she needed was... this thing, in her life. She deserves better than some lazy nobody who turns into a bigger, uglier, lazy no body.

Something caught Sans's attention and he sniffed the air. Oh! Bacon? Was Papyrus going to add bacon to his breakfast spaghetti? Maybe he wasn't making breakfast spaghetti today? Now and then he doesn't. A few times he has made a few random things along with a bowl of that oatmeal with the dino eggs for the both of them. Well, one could always hope.

He was awake, but still very tired and sore, making it hard to move. Yet, he was feeling the need to do something. Most likely left-over instincts from the beast trying to get him to hunt for food. While he normally sogs in bed, perhaps he'll slip downstairs for a closer whiff of that bacon. He slid from his nest, looking like a deadly predator hunting unimpressive prey, as he searched around for a pair of shorts and a shirt. He dressed carefully, not wanting to rip his clothes on his claws. Quietly leaving his room and crept down the hall. Pleased with himself, thinking this will be a welcome surprise for his brother to see him up this earlier.

Normally, Papyrus fetches Sans and carries him downstairs, but Sans worries his brother is too focused on caring for him. There have been trips and other activities that Papyrus has skipped going on for Sans's sake. That bothered Sans, and he had to do something to change that mind set. He didn't want to be some impeding force in his brother's life. The more independence Sans could show, the better. Besides, Papyrus worries about him when he stays in bed too long, anyway.

It was easy enough walking on two down the hall. He stayed close to the wall for support until he got to the top of the stairs. Moving closer to them, he hung onto the banister and hesitated. There suddenly seemed to be more stairs than he remembered. A shortcut would be nice, but between the pain and how much energy he used up last night, he didn't really have control of his magic. That, and he had tried several months back after a change, it didn't work and left him feeling worse than before.

Holding on with both hands, he made his way down one step at a time. He found himself couching down and turning sideways, feeling ensure standing straight. Once at the bottom of the steps he sat for a moment, rubbing his femurs as he rested. His legs weren't happy baring all his weight just yet; and he sighed. Papyrus is always telling him to look at the bright side of things and he thought to himself. If there had to be a good thing about all of this, then he was happy to make it this far for Papyrus's sake.

Exhausted, he just wanted to curl up. He looked over at the sofa and figured he could make it that far. Dropping to all fours, to distribute his weight, he was reminded on how badly he mauled his right hand by the initial wave of pain. Wincing, he limped over to the sofa and climbed up. Curling up near one of the arms, his stupid tail wrapping around himself, he waited patiently, listening to Papyrus cooking. Oddly enough it sounded like he was working twice as hard as normal, but Sans was too tired to think about what he was hearing.

Toriel stood back, smiling at the small feast she had made with Papyrus for the three of them. It is a shame Sans will be eating alone in his room, but maybe he will be feeling well enough to come join them down here. "Shall I set the table for us?" Toriel asked.

"YES, THAT SOUNDS LIKE A WONDERFUL IDEA. YOU DO THAT, AND I'LL FINISH THIS THEN PREPARE A TRAY FOR SANS," Papyrus smiled. Having company seemed to have relaxed him and he was happily humming to himself as he worked.

Grabbing some silverware and napkins, Toriel walked out of the kitchen and to the table. But she paused, seeing something on the couch. It was an odd collection of bones and cloth, unlike anything she had seen before. "Papyrus? There... is something... I'm not sure what," she kept an eye on it, and it started to stir slightly after she spoke.

"A WHAT?" Papyrus asked as he walked out of the kitchen. The skeleton then froze, "SANS? WHAT ARE YOU--" A look of panic crossed Papyrus's face as he looked from the bone creature to Toriel.

Shocked at what she just heard, Toriel looked over at Papyrus for conformation, "Sans? You mean..." She looked back over and saw two wide eye sockets looking back at her with the smallest pricks of light she had ever seen. The lights then grew as they looked around franticly. She tried taking a step forward, wanting to reassure her dear friend, "Sans, it's alright."

If he had ears, she would say her words fell on deaf ones as he sprang from the sofa as if to bolt upstairs. To add to her surprise, he was about to run on all fours, but fell on his face the moment his hands hit the floor. He made a sound that sounded like a stifled yelp and started to curl in on himself, a bone tail hitting the floor, repeatedly, in agitation. Papyrus rushed over and started to check Sans over, "BROTHER! YOU KNOW YOU NEED TO BE MORE CAREFUL THAN THAT! I KNOW YOU PANICED, BUT YOUR BONES ARE TOO FRAGILE WHILE CHANGING TO BE SO RECKLESS! WHAT ARE YOU EVEN DOING DOWN HERE?"

"sorry bro," Sans mumbled, "i just thought i'd surprise you."

"WELL, YOU DID," Papyrus sighed, then frowned, "SANS, YOU'VE BEEN CHEWING ON YOUR HAND AGAIN... Look at that..."

Sans sat up and hugged his chest, trying to hide his hand for further inspection, "...i should go."

"WHY?" Papyrus waved a hand back at Toriel, "SHE'S SEEN YOU, SO WHY DON'T YOU JUST STAY DOWN HERE WITH US?"

There was such a pained look in Sans's eye lights that Toriel had to speak up before Sans tries responds, "I think that sounds like a wonderful idea, personally. I missed you last night, and Papyrus and I worked so hard on this breakfast. Wont you please stay down here?"

"you don't...," Sans looked at the floor, his tail was starting to swish slightly, adding to his nervous appearance, "you don't... i don't want to make things... worse."

"SANS, HOW COULD YOU DO THAT OTHER THAN BY SHARING THOSE OBNOXIOUS PUNS WITH LADY TORIEL," Papyrus said, putting his hands on his hips.

Walking closer, Toriel knelt by Sans and held out her hand to him, "My dear one, I don't know what this is about. Honestly, I'm very surprised and confused. But right now, I can see you're too stressed to ask, and it is clear you have been trying to keep this a secret. But, I assure you, I still love you. That has not changed. Please don't hide from me anymore. Stay down here with us and have breakfast."

Sans looked up at her, tears forming in his eye sockets. After some hesitation, he placed his left hand in hers, and she felt it trembling. Placing her other hand over it, she decided to make it clear that she does not fear him, or find this different form repulsive, by kissing him as she normally does, on the top of his skull. He was rattling now, shaking so much he could hardly move.

"thanks, tori... i... heh, i won’t hide from you," Sans struggled to smile.

"Can we start with you showing me your right hand?" Toriel asked.

"YES, PLEASE DO THAT. IT LOOKED LIKE IT WILL NEED EXTRA HEALING," Papyrus added.

"it'll be fine, just takes time," Sans mumbled.

"Please, Sans," Toriel asked again, releasing his left hand and holding hers out to him, again.

He looked at her then sighed, glancing away as he moved the hand out from under his left arm. Toriel grimaced slightly at the damage that had been done. Lightly running her thumb over some of the cracks resulted in a sharp intake of air from Sans. "I'm sorry," she said, not meaning to hurt him.

"s'not your fault," he quickly said.

"Still, it is not my intent to hurt you," she then started using some healing magic. Swirls of green light danced around her hand and traveled to and around Sans's. The light entered the cracks and chips, causing the areas that naturally should not have gaps to fill. Once done, she smiled and ran her thumb over his hand again, pleased he didn't show any indication of pain.

"thanks, tori," Sans said quietly.

Her poor love was looking sad and frustrated, to say the least. Toriel wrapped her free arm around him, pulling him into a hug, "Anytime, my dear. If there is ever anything I could do to help, you just let me know." She glanced over at Papyrus, "The same goes for you."

"Thank you, Lady Toriel," Papyrus said, with that calm and quiet tone she had been unaware he was capable of. But that was short lived as he then turned back to Sans, "THERE, ISN'T THIS BETTER? YOUR HAND DOESN'T HURT AND YOU DON'T FEEL LIKE YOU HAVE TO HIDE."

"heh, yeah, you're right. sorry bro," Sans smiled at his brother from Toriel's arms. It wasn't a genuine smile, but close. A step up from the smile he always wears, that was a definite.

The look on Papyrus's face hinted that he was not happy with the apology. Though she wasn't sure why, she decided to steer the brother's away from that for any arguments. "Now," Toriel said, releasing Sans from the hug, "shall we eat some breakfast?"

"OF COURSE, SANS IS ALWAYS STARVING THE MORNING AFTER CHANGING. THEY ARE THE ONLY MORNINGS I CAN GET HIM OUT OF BED TO EAT!" Papyrus announced. He then walked back to the kitchen, "DO NOT WORRY BROTHER, TORIEL AND I COOKED A FEAST. IF YOU TWO WILL GET YOURSELVES SEATED, I WILL BRING IT OUT TO YOU."

"thanks bro," Sans said.

Toriel helped Sans over to a chair to sit. It was clear, by how he toddled, that he was unsure how to use his legs the way they were. She made note of that, deciding to offer some suggestions later when he may be feeling better and more receptive to the advice. Once he was in his chair she placed the utensils and napkins, then grabbed three plates for them. She noticed Sans watching her and smiled, in response he smiled back. As she moved next to him to sit she spotted his tail wrapped around his chair leg. "I'm quite surprised how well you two kept this under wraps."

There was a puzzled look on his face as he tried to figure out the pun, then he glanced down and spotted his tail. Looking annoyed he reached down to unwrap it, while mumbling, "annoying thing."

"Oh, sorry... I thought it was rather cute, actually," Toriel apologized.

Looking at his tail, Sans sat back, "i'll leave it then... and it's ok."

Looking at him for a moment, she decided to try talking about something else, "How are you feeling?"

"uh... achy... i guess... i mean... i'm still changing back, just... slowly,"

"THAT'S RIGHT," interjected Papyrus, bringing out the last of the food, a fair-sized mountain of pancakes that clearly caught Sans's attention, "AND THAT'S WHY YOU NEED TO MAKE SURE YOU HAVE PLENTY OF CALCIUM AND FOOD."

"heh, don't think you have to convince me to eat, bro," Sans's smile was looking more genuine now, which warmed her heart.

Toriel helped Sans fill his plate, then they enjoyed breakfast. They talked about what they will do tomorrow, once Sans was feeling better; and, for now, she left questions on what this "change" was for later. It was clearly a sensitive subject now for both brothers, and could be discussed at a different time. It didn't take long for her to see the evidence that eating was an immense help; before breakfast was done, Sans was already looking more like the skeleton she knew.

They sat together on the sofa, Sans quickly falling asleep while leaning on Toriel. She didn't mind though, and pulled him onto her lap. "Papyrus, did you have plans for today?"

"OH, WELL, I DID," Papyrus fell quiet, looking at his brother with concern, "I usually just worry about taking care of Sans the next day. So, I already canceled my plans with Undyne."

"If I were to promise to take care of your brother, would you want to see if Undyne is still free?" Toriel offered a smile. Papyrus looked like he was debating heavily while looking very guilty. Hoping to set him at ease, Toriel added, "You can trust me, dear."

"Yes, I know," Papyrus said, the took a deep breath, "I WOULD BE FINE LEAVING HIM WITH YOU. IF YOU NEED ME, YOU KNOW MY NUMBER?"

"I have it," Toriel smiled. She watched as Papyrus got up, called Undyne, and was out the door within an hour with a plethora of "thank you". She could still see the concern on his face, and it is no surprise. After all, this is something the brothers have been doing for a long time without any assistance. Still, she doubted Sans would want his brother feeling so held back by him, based on the times they have talked in the past.

Sitting quietly on the couch, she held Sans as he continued to sleep. He was looking more like himself each passing minute; but with a tail, which was wrapped around her wrist in an adorable manner. With a restful sigh, she leaned the side of her head against his skull, letting her ear hang down the side of his head, a guilty pleasure of his she was aware of. When he wakes, it will just be the two of them, and perhaps then would be an appropriate time to make sure he knows that her opinions of him have not changed one bit.

[heartsofstrangers]

What is one of the most challenging things that you’ve experienced or are currently experiencing?

“One of the things I think have been most challenging is recently finding out that I have a chronic disease that’s extremely rare, both in Caucasian people as well as African Americans. I think less than three percent of the Caucasians in the United States have it and less than one percent of African Americans in the United States have it. It’s caused a lot of life changes, but at the same time it answered a lot of questions of when I was younger, why I had a lot of different problems, and always being diagnosed incorrectly. I’ve been on medications for years upon years upon years.

“So it was the answer to a lot of questions about issues and problems I had when I was younger. Now that we know what’s wrong, we can at least address it whenever an issue does come up. It’s still a struggle every day getting through it. At least now I have an answer, and luckily, I had Paul to help me get through this first part.”

What are some of the obstacles that you faced with this?

“Most people have never heard of it. It’s called ankylosing spondylitis, which is a type of rheumatoid arthritis. My joints will all of a sudden flare up with a lot of fluid, making it extremely difficult to move. At one time, I was getting ready for a marathon. I ran a full marathon in Florida, came back, and I said, ‘Okay, I’m not going to run anymore. I’m just going to take it easy. I’m just going to take the rest of the spring off.’

Remember I told you that whole story before about my trying to have a New Year’s resolution and a goal, and that’s how I started running? I did that for years, and finally I just said, ‘I’m just done. I’m just going to be a normal person. I’m not going to get up, I’m not going to the gym, I’m going to eat whatever I want. I don’t have to worry about that.’

“My ankle swelled up, my knee swelled up, my lower back, and in my chest, all at the same time, which was very odd. So of course, they said that I had a stress fracture in my foot, so I wore a boot. I went in to have surgery; they drained my knee twice, and then it ended up that I was going to have surgery on my knee because they said, ‘Oh, you’ve torn something, blah, blah, blah.’

“They put me on a ton of pain meds for my lower back pain, and then they said that I was having some heart issues, which is why I was having chest pains. And so I was seeing all these specialists, I mean, like two, three times a week, which cost a ton of money, and then finally, someone asked, ‘Have you spoken to a rheumatologist?’ And I said, ‘No, why?’ So we went to a specialist who was maybe twenty-eight, twenty-nine. He recently had graduated and he was still fairly young, and he knew just by my symptoms and the pain and issues I was having what was wrong. He put me on a medication. Four days later, no pain.”

Wow.

“I canceled my knee surgery because my knee was fine. We went through all these different treatments, and in the process of that, he put me on prednisone, which is a steroid that caused other issues which we didn’t know at the time.

“Just a brief history: I started theater probably in second grade, and I started dancing in third grade. I’ve always been active, not so much sports-related, but always dancing and always moving and always doing something. And then I did summer camp. I was always outdoors, always doing something. When I finally decided to stop moving and doing stuff and just sit, watch soap operas, and eat popcorn or whatever, my body all of a sudden said, ‘We don’t like that.’ All these problems started happening.

“Once I got on the prednisone, I started feeling really, really tired and drinking a lot of water and peeing all the time, and I asked myself, ‘What is going on?’ And the doctors said, ‘Oh, that might be one of the side effects, because you know there’s a list of side effects for every medication that you take, which, you know, can lead up to death.’ What’s the point of taking the medication if that’s the end result? But I was still taking it, because that’s what the doctor told me to do.

“Finally, my boss at the time, who was a doctor, said, ‘I think you need to go in and specifically say, “Take my glucose numbers.” “I said, ‘All right.’ I was still seeing specialists two, three times a week. I went in and told this doctor to take my glucose numbers. That was on a Monday, because I fell asleep sitting up in a meeting. Not because I was exhausted. My body just fell asleep. The next morning, I got a phone call saying I needed to get to the emergency room right away. I said, ‘I’m working. I can’t just up and go.’ They said, ‘You need to go now.’ They didn’t really tell me why. So I started crying and called Paul, and I told him, ‘I have to go to the hospital.’ And he said, ‘All right, I’ll meet you there.’

“I drove twenty minutes to the hospital. I get there and walk in. The lady kind of knew that this emergency person was coming in—that was me—but I had no idea what. She asked, ‘How did you get here?’ ‘I drove. You guys called me and said I had to get here. How else was I going to get here?  Hire a helicopter? No.’ And so she was all mad and finally ended up saying, ‘Well, you know your glucose levels are almost at 500.’ And I asked, ‘Is that bad? I don’t know what that means.’ And she said, ‘You could have gone into a diabetic shock, or a coma.’ Again, ‘Is that bad? I don’t know what you’re talking about.’

“Come to find out, I’m diabetic, and prednisone increases whatever your diabetic issues are. A normal person’s glucose level is between seventy and 120, and mine was 496. People who are above 460 have either gone into a coma or shock or their body shuts down. They were terrified that that was going to happen to me. I ended up being in the hospital for five days. They couldn’t get my glucose levels below 250. Again, it answered a lot of questions. When I was younger, I would dance and dance and dance during the day, and all of a sudden, I would collapse. I wasn’t really sure why. At the time, they told me, ‘Oh, you need to eat more.’ Then it became part of my normal routine to eat a Snickers every day, because I love Snickers, but I didn’t know that that was good and helped prevent me from having other issues throughout the day.

“That went on for years. They did all these tests and they found out through some genetic thing that right around when I was between seventeen and nineteen, my body would have shown signs that I was diabetic, but because I was so active and took care of myself and ate right and on and on, it would have never shown up. So the same thing with ankylosing spondylitis—it would have shown up right about the same time, but because I was active, it never happened.

“A few times in my life, I remember taking a summer off. I didn’t dance, I didn’t go to camp, I didn’t do anything. When I came back, my knee was like a softball. I had to get it drained three different times, and then they went in and did surgery. They told me, ‘Oh, it’s from your dancing, from turning out, and applying pressure on your cartilage.’

“Come to find out, years later, that that’s not really the case. So I had knee surgery twice, which my doctor tells me now was probably not necessary. That forced me into early retirement, because if you keep injuring yourself, or having the same injury, while you’re performing, the company doesn’t want to be liable for your third or fourth surgery, or the fact that you may not be able to walk again. I was forced into retirement.

“So that’s a struggle that I have to always watch.  I go to the gym on a regular basis, watch what I eat, make sure I drink plenty of water, check my sugar levels—I think I can get away with two times a day, because I’m so active, but I’m also now more aware of the different signs. I always have, as you probably saw, snacks around because it’s better for me to not eat huge meals, but eat more throughout the day.”

Going back to when you were a child, what was going through your head when you were feeling that fatigue and some of these symptoms? Did you recognize that something was different then, or did anyone in your family recognize that something might be wrong?

“Because nobody else in my family has it, and the only time—well, I know that when I went to the doctors—I would have still been in college, because I was doing color guard—and they said that I was probably anemic. I thought, Okay, I’ll eat more meat, more fish. I’ll need more iron and on and on. So, of course, again, being put on a medication was their solution.

“I did that for a while, but then I told myself, ‘Well, it’s not really doing anything.’ I would always question doctors and wonder what would happen if I just stopped taking the meds. Would anything really change? And nothing would. Then I wouldn’t take that anymore and be fine.

“I tried so many different things and struggled, because one of the things that are really hard for people, and I’ve talked to a lot: I’ve met a very few other people who have the same disease, but I’ve talked to people who have other types of arthritis. For most of them, when their body is in pain, it’s very hard to function. If you don’t know how to fix that, resolve that, or what it is, a lot of other things end up happening.

“There’s another guy in town here who I talk to and he has the same thing, but he’s on disability more for depression, because he can’t function. When his body isn’t able to function, he goes into this deep, dark spot where he finds it easier not to move or do anything, easier to say, ‘Woe is me,’ and it goes on and on and on and builds.

“This disease also affects people differently. Even though it’s the same disease—he and I have the same, exact thing, and we’re on the same, exact medication—our outlooks are completely different. So are our reactions. He stops moving; he shuts down. If his back is starting to hurt and he feels a flare-up coming on, he can’t work, so he’ll lie there for days—and it really is days for it to peak and then come down. For me, I have to stay active. If I stop being active, that’s when I have problems. If I laid in bed for a few days, I would never be able to move again. So we were different. We compared notes: everything up until to the actual movement stuff was the same.

“I went through a time that led me also to be out here in Colorado. Other people say it was depression; I would say I no longer was happy with who I was. I couldn’t figure out what that was. I don’t think it was necessarily depression. I lost my picture of who Scott was.

“So, I told you that whole story about how I changed; I gave you the Cliff’s Notes version, but part of it was because I didn’t know what was going on with my body, but I knew something was, and I knew that I could not keep doing what I was doing before. I needed change, but I wasn’t the happy Scott that everyone expected and thought I was. So I left, and then when I got here, as you can see, why would I leave this?”

How has your experience with this disease, in finding treatment and recovering from it and dealing with it every day, changed your life?

“I’m a lot more appreciative of my good days, and I enjoy every day. It was almost paralyzing. Usually your body goes through one flare-up at a time, and it would always be a different spot, so it wasn’t like you could anticipate needing to put on the boot again because your ankle was going to swell up. You just didn’t know, and it was always in your joints, and it was always joints that you used and needed.

“But having four at the same time? The doctor had never seen that. He was surprised I was able to move. I think because of dance and being sore, being in pain, you work through it. I think that was the difference between me and that other guy—stand on your toes for eight hours a day. You’re in pain by the end of the day, and you do that day after day after day. You train your body to deal with the pain. Bodybuilding or anything, any Olympian, or any sport, you get through it. You focus on something else or on the end result, and you don’t sit there in agony.

“By getting up every day, even on bad days, I am very thankful that at least I’m still up and about and moving. I know other people who can’t, and then they go into that dark spot, and it’s really hard to get out. I understand that, because I’ve been on the border, but I’ve also been a fighter. I’m not going to let this ruin or run my life, especially if I have some sort of control in it. I’m going to make the best of it.

“I also know that I’m not going to be able to do everything that I’m doing now in a few years, however many years that may be, but at some point, my body is going to win and I’m not going to be able to go skiing, I’m not going to be able to go hiking, I’m not going to be able to run. I’m not going to be able to do some of the fun things I like to do.

“It’s actually kind of funny, because this morning I was telling Paul, ‘My back is killing me,’ and he asked if it was because of the bed, and I said, ‘No, I’ve literally been in pain for a week.’ It’s gotten to the point where now I’m saying something to someone else versus thinking I can just deal with this, don’t worry about it, don’t want anyone else to worry or focus on it. He’s asking what he can do, and I’m saying, ‘There’s nothing you can do. I just want you to know if I’m moving slow or I wince, I’m in pain.’

“That’s the beginning stage. Once I get to, ‘I can’t move’ or ‘I’m in agony’ and I’m not exaggerating and you can see that I’m in pain, then we need to go to whatever the next step is. Hopefully I can get through this.”

What have you learned about yourself through this process? Have you uncovered anything that surprised you?

“Not necessarily surprised me. Being able to put a label on it was nice—back pain not because I danced yesterday and had to lift someone up, but back pain because something else is going on. I’ve learned I’m stronger than I think, and I am more likely to ask for help now versus internalizing it and having it be my problem.

“I’m very fortunate that I have someone who has seen the ups and downs and knows what I’ve gone through. It’s not like I went through all of this before me and Paul, and then I came crying about my pain and he said, ‘Here’s some Advil. Stop crying.’ Paul lived through my being in the hospital, my being prepped for surgery and finding out I didn’t really need to have it, all this stuff. I’m very lucky.

“I’ve also learned to be thankful for all of my good days. Paul and I take advantage of a beautiful day, or the fact that we pass by the mountains every single day. People think, ‘I’m late for work.’ I’m more than happy to be late, and I’m glad the car in front of me isn’t moving, because I get to look at something while everyone else is worried about something else.

“Again, I think I’m a little different from other people, but my phone doesn’t run me when I’m in the car. If you call or text me, when I get there, I’ll respond. I enjoy listening to music, which I don’t get to do other times, more Christmas than anything, so that makes me happy. When you’re happy and you listen to music, you end up seeing the world in a different light.

“If you’re always focusing on your next email, text message, phone call, work, work, work, work, work, it’s a headache. When I was back in New England, I didn’t get relief because I was there for a purpose, and that consumed all of my time. I was quickly agitated and annoyed at anything and everything, and I took it out on everybody and anybody who got in my path. People always told me I was so serious. I told them I was on a mission, that I was here for a certain amount of time and it had to get done. Either you can help, or get out of the way. I don’t have time.

“My mother was, at that point, driving me crazy at that time. Every morning, starting at seven, and it went on and on and on until eight o’clock at night when she finally went to sleep, and then I needed to finish doing what I needed to get done from eight till eleven, then fall asleep, and then at seven o’clock, the phone would ring and it would happen all over again.

“So coming back to Denver was like a vacation. I was coming home, but it was a vacation. I missed all of this beauty. I’m okay with not seeing the colors that New England has, because here, it’s pretty much green, yellow, brown. There’s very little orange or red or a mixture of all of them, like in maple trees back home: you get an entire rainbow of colors in one tree. I miss that part.

“I don’t even know where I was going with that, but I have a new perspective on life, because I know if I don’t take care of myself, I won’t last. My body just won’t last with ankylosing spondylitis and diabetes. Paul witnessed for three months me having to take insulin four times a day, and I’m terrified of needles. So having to prick my finger to check my blood? I need to be on medication to do that. I was on an antidepressant of some kind and an anxiety medication so I could check my blood sugar levels and I could take care of myself.

“It was horrible. I would sit there and cry, giving myself a shot. Paul would ask if I wanted him to do it, and I would say, ‘No! It’s bad enough that I have to do it. It’s worse when someone else does it.’ When I go to the doctor’s office, I always have two nurses, one trying to hold my hand and the other trying to keep me calm while they’re stabbing me and draining me of blood. It’s horrible. I hate it, but imagine that you have to medicate yourself every day, doing something that you’re terrified of doing. I will never let myself get to that point again. I will do whatever I have to do. If I have to drink five glasses of water a day, fine, as long as I don’t have to give myself a shot. That’s what keeps me moving.”

What advice would you offer to somebody else who can relate to any of what you shared with me?

“Sharing information is the foundation, and then—I use this analogy a lot when I work with people—having a solid foundation is extremely important, but people go straight for decorating or painting the house. If you don’t have a foundation, who cares what the rest of your house is going to look like? It’s going to crumble. It’s going to fall apart. It’s not going to last.

“Luckily, both Paul and I are very curious, so when the doctor threw that diagnosis out, we didn’t go home and just accept it. No. What IS that? How does this happen, and who else has it? How can you build from that or live through this? We did a ton of research; even though I can’t spell ‘ankylosing spondylitis,’ I now know a lot about it. So what I would tell someone else is: if your foundation isn’t strong enough, find a way to make it strong, by asking questions, or research. I get this from my mother. Once I have a goal in my mind, I need to figure it out.

“So at the time, going backwards, another little story: I had three different specialists, and each of them was giving me medications that contradicted what the other doctors were giving me. At one point, I was taking all these pills that were supposed to be helping me, but they were hindering everything else, so finally I said, ‘Stop. You guys need to talk to each other, because you’re saying I have to take prednisone, but you’re saying prednisone is raising my glucose levels so you give me metformin. Metformin is now hurting my ankylosing spondylitis, and blah blah blah.’

“My mother is the one who actually threatened all the doctors. She was going to send me to Arizona to a Mayo Clinic, where they figure out what’s wrong with you and all the doctors sit in a room and come up with what needs to happen. After they tell you all that, they send you on your way. I said, ‘Either you three sit down together and figure out what’s going to happen, or I’m going to Arizona and I’ll come back and tell you what’s going to happen. So before I tell you what’s going to happen, I’m giving you the option to tell me what you’re going to do.’ My rheumatologist is the one who sat down with my endocrinologist and another specialist and they made it work, and I said, ‘Thank you. Great.’ Finally.

“That’s part of that foundation, making sure that you understand fully what’s going on. Then you start building the walls, what you’re going to do now. The foundation is done, the workers are all gone—so what are you going to do with the walls? How high or low are you going to make them? It varies. It depends on your strength. If you have a great mindset and you aren’t going to let this run your life, you’re going to have tall walls, high ceilings, huge windows facing west, and you can’t wait for the sun to set. If you’re the person who goes, ‘Oh, I dunno, let’s see what they say,’ you’re going to have smaller walls, smaller windows. It’s going to be darker.

“Once you have the walls and roof, then you can say, ‘This feels like a psych ward. It’s all white.’ How does a person live in an all-white house? There’s not one room in this house that’s painted. There’s no color. If that’s how they like it, fine, but I can’t live like this. I have to have color. I have to have life, both inside and outside of my house. That’s the same with my body. I need life and color inside and outside my life.

“So you build this whole thing, and what do you put up? You put pictures of people who are important to you and events that were memorable and things you want to keep forever. Paul calls them tchotchkes, but I have a lot of items and things, and when he asks, ‘What is this?’ I can tell him a whole story about why that is important to me, and then he says, ‘Okay, that’s important.’ I don’t have something because it looked great in the store so I bought it, and I thought I’d just put it in the corner because there was nothing there. Everything has a purpose, and that’s important to me. Both inside and outside.

“So again, I build my walls and foundation and house exactly how I also see myself. When you use that analogy to help someone understand that you have to build from the foundation up, and then build it the way you want, to also see the world and let the world see you—because when someone comes into your house, they’re judging you. They’re looking at your house and looking at everything because it’s another part of you, just like when people see you, they say, ‘What kind of person are you really?’ Like I said before, I used to always be bubbly and excited, and I got to a point in my life where I wasn’t anymore. People could see the change but didn’t know why, and I didn’t know why. But I didn’t want to give up either.

“It was time for me to sell my old house, so to speak—to move, and build a new one, and that’s what ended up happening. Through it all, just when you think you have it all done, the plumbing goes. Really? That was one of those side steps, like when my disease came along. You bring someone in—a professional, doctor—to fix it; now the plumbing is fine. Then the water heater goes out. Aw, you’re kidding! Just like a house, you’re going to run into issues and things breaking, falling apart, and needing repair. That happens.

“The same thing happens with your body. So the sink leaks. Is the world over? Oh my gosh, do we have to move? I can’t live anymore; I’m going to my bedroom and hiding. No! But that, again, is me, and I have a brother who’s not like me. He struggles and then I talk to him and I help him get out of that struggle sometimes because he realizes I have a better outlook, but I’m also looking at it from a separate point of view.

“Paul learned this very quickly; another friend told me this and I ended up hitting him. When I’m down, the worst thing anyone can ever say to me is, ‘It’ll get better.’ I know that’s a nice, polite thing to say, but I’d rather you didn’t say anything, or say, ‘I don’t know what to say,’ than to say ‘It’ll get better’ or ‘Everything will be fine.’ I will literally hit you because, at that time and at that moment with those people who have ever been in a place where they struggled, that isn’t helpful at all, so I will never say that to anyone, because if they said that to me, I would seriously beat them. I go back to, ‘Let’s look at your foundation, your core. How can we fix what’s wrong so you can enjoy a sunny day instead of hiding from the rest of the world?’”

Do you have a favorite quote or mantra or song lyric or something that someone said to you that really stuck with you over the years and that you’d like to share?

“I do have a quote: ‘If you can dream it, you can do it.’ I want to make sure I got it right. ‘If you can dream it, you can do it.’”

What does that mean to you personally?

“That’s from Walt Disney, and it’s very interesting, since I’m a huge Disney person. I once again held that inside me. In my head, that’s what kept me going, and all of a sudden, I had a friend who gave me a picture and it had that quote on it. I giggled and laughed, because I didn’t know anyone else knew I liked Disney, and she thought it was something that I needed, and I was just like, ‘Thank you.’

“Years later, my son, who is not a Disney person at all—so I don’t even know that he knew I liked that quote—he got me a plaque for Father’s Day that said the same exact thing, and it’s on my desk at home. Again, how coincidental that it popped up, and it has popped up quite a few times throughout my life, because I guess people have seen that when I dream of something or come up with something, and I believe in it, I will do whatever I can to accomplish that and make it happen.

“Going back to my first marathon ever, I asked myself, what do I want to do? I came up with something. People would have easily given up their New Year’s resolution well before reaching their goal, but I said, ‘No, I’m sticking to this.’ I made it all the way through ten months of training and running 26.2 miles when I’d never run more than three up until that point. People were saying, ‘If you can dream it, you can do it.’ If anyone dreams of something, Scott will make that happen.

“That has been something that started in me—I read it in some book I was reading about Walt Disney. It had to be in the early 90s. I came across this quote and it wasn’t the caption of the book or anything—it was a just a little quote—but I liked it. Throughout my life, it keeps appearing every once in a while. Someone will say something or they’ll see a picture, and actually, a friend of ours from Washington State sent me a picture. It’s the friendship statue of Walt Disney holding Mickey Mouse and pointing that had that caption under it. She said she saw it and thought of me, because she knew I was a Disney person, but she didn’t know that that quote means so much to me. She just said, ‘Oh, a nice quote, a cute picture, Disney, thought of you.’ But it was more than that, and it’s also one of those reassurances that you’re on the right track. Don’t give up on your beliefs. Don’t give up on your dreams. Don’t stop believing. Don’t let the magic fade. Don’t close the curtains.

“Even though there are times when you struggle with yourself, do I really want to face the day? Do I really want to let the light in? And then all of a sudden, someone will share that, and it’s a reminder: yes.”

How has it felt to share these experiences, feelings, and thoughts with me today?

“Not hard. I could pretty much share anything with you. You’re an easy person to talk to. I think I’m also on the other end, like I said before, I’m one of those people who could talk to anybody, start a conversation with anyone, and find something that we both relate to or deal with, or you educated me on something I didn’t know before. I don’t struggle with that, but I know that other people would find this more difficult, trying to open up to someone you don’t really know that well, but I could go on and on and on. We could sit for four hours and I could tell you about some Disney experience.

“Actually, I was just IM-ing somebody who asked me if I’d ever been on a Disney cruise before. I’ve been on quite a few. They wanted to take their family. I already have a five-page, ‘How to plan out a Disney trip for you or your family or whatever,’ and I have another whole document that tells you everything that you need to know when you get on the boat, what to do first, what to do, what to expect, where to go, how to make the most out of your experience, what to bring or not bring, on and on and on. And he said, ‘I was just curious. I wasn’t booking a trip and you sent me more info than I care to read, but thank you. If I ever need to plan a Disney trip, I know who to talk to.’ I said, ‘Yep.’

“It wasn’t like I sat down and wrote it; I already had it written because my best friend in Ohio is turning forty in January, and for my fortieth birthday, I did a Disney cruise. I had sixteen people who came, and it was amazing, and she was one of them. Now she’s turning forty and she says, ‘I want to have a Disney cruise just like yours.’

“I told her, ‘Well, it can’t be, because those were my friends, not yours, and a lot of things have changed since we went.’ At that time, she only had one kid; now she has five. It’s very expensive to bring five kids and your husband. ‘So, are you bringing kids? That changes everything.’ In the process, she has now gotten divorced, so the kids aren’t going, the husband isn’t going, then it was going to be an all-girls cruise, plus Scott. Again, now that might change, but anyway, I can talk about pretty much anything. Ask me a question and I can find something to talk about somehow.”

[leoseviyor]

Anti Aging Beauty Products - Should Teens Use Anti Aging Beauty Products?

However, methylation of certain part of DNA can in fact turn off unnecessary or harmful genes and can block division of abnormal cells thereby prevent aging caused by these abnormal cells. How does our body balance methylation? There are three groups of molecules in our body regulate to balance methylation. They are vitamin B (B6 and B12), TMG (Tri-Methyl-Glycine, also known as Betaine), and SAMe (S-Adenosyl-Methionine). As aging progresses, Vitamin B functioning as a cofactor in methylation reaction tend to become less efficient. SAMe formed in the body by combining methionion and ATP (adenosine triphosphate) is one of the most effective methylating agent. 4. It is proposed that Chronic Inflammation is the cause of many age related damage, because excessive inflammation also produces excessive toxic chemicals which not only fight bacteria, but also damage normal body tissues. One example component in excess inflammation is excitotoxicity in which brain cells get over-excited. Another chemical factor in inflammation is tumor necrosis factor(TNF), excess TNF causes the degeneration of brain and nerves. Omega-s fish oil has been used for anti-inflammatory purposes, however it only handle one of the many inflammation components. The current head has a little over a decade and a half to set the house in order before his exit, provided he stays until the end of his own tenure in 2033 (after a service of forty one years). The first to retire in 2018 would have given a total of forty-four years of service to the College and is currently the head of the Periodicals Section in the Library. He is unanimously dubbed 'the Encyclopaedia of Fourah Bay College Library'. Perhaps, the most damaging loss may be the current Book Binder whose replacement is now being actively discussed at the Institute of Library, Information and Communication Studies (INSLICS) at Fourah Bay College where he teaches all the conservation courses. Who will replace him when he retires in 2023 after giving forty-five years of service to the Bindery? That is indeed the question. He has already given two decades of his career serving as a Part -Time Lecturer at INSLICS and there is hardly any other tertiary institution in Sierra Leone with a functional bindery unit. There are physical and mental problems that all must deal with as senior men and women face common issues of chronic illness, depression, pain, and family strife. Many become victims of the dreaded downward spiral of dementia or Alzheimers Disease. Other of us are blessed with mental acuity and must choose the path we want to follow. We can make these the best years of our lives or become unhappy citizens, a burden to our families and to society. While reading Christiane W. Griffin - Wehr's book "Traveling in Place: A Journey into Memory Loss" we were visiting a friend at the Sunbridge Health Care facility in San Leandro. Thelma's friend had recently broken her ankle and was recuperating while anticipating therapy for her injury. Today was the third time within a ten day period I was sitting in the lobby of the facility while Thelma spent time with her friend. That's not good or bad, so I refuse to get all guilt-ridden now that my parents are gone. Yet, I'll probably always wonder what flew completely over my head as I was focusing on something far less significant. Oh well. It's all part of living the lives we were given. Life's full of lessons. Those our parents taught us about aging usually had nothing to do with aging. They just had to do with living . In any case, I've come up with 10 lessons I learned from my mom and dad about living my way through to growing older. These will probably sound fairly familiar to you, since most folks kind of see them as "universal truths" of a sort. I'll let you decide for yourself. Of course, this is just a small list about one point in time (i.e., NOW), and it's not at all complete. And I'm sure I'll realize other teachings worthy of gathering up and letting go as I move farther along in life. That's the great part. Make sure all your carpets are kept in good condition. Always wipe up spills as soon as they occur. Some floor surfaces are particularly slippery when wet. 1. Are your lights bright enough for you to see clearly? 2. Are stairs and steps well lit? 3. Are light switches easy to reach and near each doorway? 4. Can you easily switch on a light from your bed? 5. Is there good lighting where you keep your medicine? Nightlights are an inexpensive way to provide light to dark passageways at night. Consider installing movement activated or photo electric lights to illuminate passageways. Have extra lights installed or place lamps in dark areas. Allow time for your eyes to adjust when going to and from light and dark areas. 1. Do you use slip-resistant mats in the bathroom? 2. Are the soap, shampoo and towel within easy reach so you don't have to bend or reach too far? Premature aging is an issue faced by many men these days, due to stressful lifestyle and they can find relief with herbal remedies. Shilajit ES capsule is one such herbal remedy. Aging is not something that is related to counting birthdays and identifying some changes in the level of fitness and the way in which the body reacts and works. If the body of a man changes enough that he can look and feel the functioning in a different manner as compared what it was some years ago, there are great chances that age might be overtaking him. Even though, aging is something natural, for some men, it happens early and there need not be any worry as men can rely on the best herbal treatment for premature aging. Sometimes it happens without any symptoms and signs, until there is a sudden catastrophic event like stroke, cancer or heart attack. In other cases, tissue wasting or atrophy can occur as in the case of muscle weakness with inadequate exercise, glandular deterioration and mucous membrane with lowering of hormone level. In most cases, the body that is aging prematurely will send a signal that it is not functioning properly.

[alifetimeisnotenough-blog]

Anti Aging Beauty Products - Should Teens Use Anti Aging Beauty Products?

However, methylation of certain part of DNA can in fact turn off unnecessary or harmful genes and can block division of abnormal cells thereby prevent aging caused by these abnormal cells. How does our body balance methylation? There are three groups of molecules in our body regulate to balance methylation. They are vitamin B (B6 and B12), TMG (Tri-Methyl-Glycine, also known as Betaine), and SAMe (S-Adenosyl-Methionine). As aging progresses, Vitamin B functioning as a cofactor in methylation reaction tend to become less efficient. SAMe formed in the body by combining methionion and ATP (adenosine triphosphate) is one of the most effective methylating agent. 4. It is proposed that Chronic Inflammation is the cause of many age related damage, because excessive inflammation also produces excessive toxic chemicals which not only fight bacteria, but also damage normal body tissues. One example component in excess inflammation is excitotoxicity in which brain cells get over-excited. Another chemical factor in inflammation is tumor necrosis factor(TNF), excess TNF causes the degeneration of brain and nerves. Omega-s fish oil has been used for anti-inflammatory purposes, however it only handle one of the many inflammation components. The current head has a little over a decade and a half to set the house in order before his exit, provided he stays until the end of his own tenure in 2033 (after a service of forty one years). The first to retire in 2018 would have given a total of forty-four years of service to the College and is currently the head of the Periodicals Section in the Library. He is unanimously dubbed 'the Encyclopaedia of Fourah Bay College Library'. Perhaps, the most damaging loss may be the current Book Binder whose replacement is now being actively discussed at the Institute of Library, Information and Communication Studies (INSLICS) at Fourah Bay College where he teaches all the conservation courses. Who will replace him when he retires in 2023 after giving forty-five years of service to the Bindery? That is indeed the question. He has already given two decades of his career serving as a Part -Time Lecturer at INSLICS and there is hardly any other tertiary institution in Sierra Leone with a functional bindery unit. There are physical and mental problems that all must deal with as senior men and women face common issues of chronic illness, depression, pain, and family strife. Many become victims of the dreaded downward spiral of dementia or Alzheimers Disease. Other of us are blessed with mental acuity and must choose the path we want to follow. We can make these the best years of our lives or become unhappy citizens, a burden to our families and to society. While reading Christiane W. Griffin - Wehr's book "Traveling in Place: A Journey into Memory Loss" we were visiting a friend at the Sunbridge Health Care facility in San Leandro. Thelma's friend had recently broken her ankle and was recuperating while anticipating therapy for her injury. Today was the third time within a ten day period I was sitting in the lobby of the facility while Thelma spent time with her friend. That's not good or bad, so I refuse to get all guilt-ridden now that my parents are gone. Yet, I'll probably always wonder what flew completely over my head as I was focusing on something far less significant. Oh well. It's all part of living the lives we were given. Life's full of lessons. Those our parents taught us about aging usually had nothing to do with aging. They just had to do with living . In any case, I've come up with 10 lessons I learned from my mom and dad about living my way through to growing older. These will probably sound fairly familiar to you, since most folks kind of see them as "universal truths" of a sort. I'll let you decide for yourself. Of course, this is just a small list about one point in time (i.e., NOW), and it's not at all complete. And I'm sure I'll realize other teachings worthy of gathering up and letting go as I move farther along in life. That's the great part. Make sure all your carpets are kept in good condition. Always wipe up spills as soon as they occur. Some floor surfaces are particularly slippery when wet. 1. Are your lights bright enough for you to see clearly? 2. Are stairs and steps well lit? 3. Are light switches easy to reach and near each doorway? 4. Can you easily switch on a light from your bed? 5. Is there good lighting where you keep your medicine? Nightlights are an inexpensive way to provide light to dark passageways at night. Consider installing movement activated or photo electric lights to illuminate passageways. Have extra lights installed or place lamps in dark areas. Allow time for your eyes to adjust when going to and from light and dark areas. 1. Do you use slip-resistant mats in the bathroom? 2. Are the soap, shampoo and towel within easy reach so you don't have to bend or reach too far? Premature aging is an issue faced by many men these days, due to stressful lifestyle and they can find relief with herbal remedies. Shilajit ES capsule is one such herbal remedy. Aging is not something that is related to counting birthdays and identifying some changes in the level of fitness and the way in which the body reacts and works. If the body of a man changes enough that he can look and feel the functioning in a different manner as compared what it was some years ago, there are great chances that age might be overtaking him. Even though, aging is something natural, for some men, it happens early and there need not be any worry as men can rely on the best herbal treatment for premature aging. Sometimes it happens without any symptoms and signs, until there is a sudden catastrophic event like stroke, cancer or heart attack. In other cases, tissue wasting or atrophy can occur as in the case of muscle weakness with inadequate exercise, glandular deterioration and mucous membrane with lowering of hormone level. In most cases, the body that is aging prematurely will send a signal that it is not functioning properly.

[ifiinconvenientcomeallthesame]

Anti Aging Beauty Products - Should Teens Use Anti Aging Beauty Products?

However, methylation of certain part of DNA can in fact turn off unnecessary or harmful genes and can block division of abnormal cells thereby prevent aging caused by these abnormal cells. How does our body balance methylation? There are three groups of molecules in our body regulate to balance methylation. They are vitamin B (B6 and B12), TMG (Tri-Methyl-Glycine, also known as Betaine), and SAMe (S-Adenosyl-Methionine). As aging progresses, Vitamin B functioning as a cofactor in methylation reaction tend to become less efficient. SAMe formed in the body by combining methionion and ATP (adenosine triphosphate) is one of the most effective methylating agent. 4. It is proposed that Chronic Inflammation is the cause of many age related damage, because excessive inflammation also produces excessive toxic chemicals which not only fight bacteria, but also damage normal body tissues. One example component in excess inflammation is excitotoxicity in which brain cells get over-excited. Another chemical factor in inflammation is tumor necrosis factor(TNF), excess TNF causes the degeneration of brain and nerves. Omega-s fish oil has been used for anti-inflammatory purposes, however it only handle one of the many inflammation components. The current head has a little over a decade and a half to set the house in order before his exit, provided he stays until the end of his own tenure in 2033 (after a service of forty one years). The first to retire in 2018 would have given a total of forty-four years of service to the College and is currently the head of the Periodicals Section in the Library. He is unanimously dubbed 'the Encyclopaedia of Fourah Bay College Library'. Perhaps, the most damaging loss may be the current Book Binder whose replacement is now being actively discussed at the Institute of Library, Information and Communication Studies (INSLICS) at Fourah Bay College where he teaches all the conservation courses. Who will replace him when he retires in 2023 after giving forty-five years of service to the Bindery? That is indeed the question. He has already given two decades of his career serving as a Part -Time Lecturer at INSLICS and there is hardly any other tertiary institution in Sierra Leone with a functional bindery unit. There are physical and mental problems that all must deal with as senior men and women face common issues of chronic illness, depression, pain, and family strife. Many become victims of the dreaded downward spiral of dementia or Alzheimers Disease. Other of us are blessed with mental acuity and must choose the path we want to follow. We can make these the best years of our lives or become unhappy citizens, a burden to our families and to society. While reading Christiane W. Griffin - Wehr's book "Traveling in Place: A Journey into Memory Loss" we were visiting a friend at the Sunbridge Health Care facility in San Leandro. Thelma's friend had recently broken her ankle and was recuperating while anticipating therapy for her injury. Today was the third time within a ten day period I was sitting in the lobby of the facility while Thelma spent time with her friend. That's not good or bad, so I refuse to get all guilt-ridden now that my parents are gone. Yet, I'll probably always wonder what flew completely over my head as I was focusing on something far less significant. Oh well. It's all part of living the lives we were given. Life's full of lessons. Those our parents taught us about aging usually had nothing to do with aging. They just had to do with living . In any case, I've come up with 10 lessons I learned from my mom and dad about living my way through to growing older. These will probably sound fairly familiar to you, since most folks kind of see them as "universal truths" of a sort. I'll let you decide for yourself. Of course, this is just a small list about one point in time (i.e., NOW), and it's not at all complete. And I'm sure I'll realize other teachings worthy of gathering up and letting go as I move farther along in life. That's the great part. Make sure all your carpets are kept in good condition. Always wipe up spills as soon as they occur. Some floor surfaces are particularly slippery when wet. 1. Are your lights bright enough for you to see clearly? 2. Are stairs and steps well lit? 3. Are light switches easy to reach and near each doorway? 4. Can you easily switch on a light from your bed? 5. Is there good lighting where you keep your medicine? Nightlights are an inexpensive way to provide light to dark passageways at night. Consider installing movement activated or photo electric lights to illuminate passageways. Have extra lights installed or place lamps in dark areas. Allow time for your eyes to adjust when going to and from light and dark areas. 1. Do you use slip-resistant mats in the bathroom? 2. Are the soap, shampoo and towel within easy reach so you don't have to bend or reach too far? Premature aging is an issue faced by many men these days, due to stressful lifestyle and they can find relief with herbal remedies. Shilajit ES capsule is one such herbal remedy. Aging is not something that is related to counting birthdays and identifying some changes in the level of fitness and the way in which the body reacts and works. If the body of a man changes enough that he can look and feel the functioning in a different manner as compared what it was some years ago, there are great chances that age might be overtaking him. Even though, aging is something natural, for some men, it happens early and there need not be any worry as men can rely on the best herbal treatment for premature aging. Sometimes it happens without any symptoms and signs, until there is a sudden catastrophic event like stroke, cancer or heart attack. In other cases, tissue wasting or atrophy can occur as in the case of muscle weakness with inadequate exercise, glandular deterioration and mucous membrane with lowering of hormone level. In most cases, the body that is aging prematurely will send a signal that it is not functioning properly.

[mynameisjulie]

Anti Aging Beauty Products - Should Teens Use Anti Aging Beauty Products?

However, methylation of certain part of DNA can in fact turn off unnecessary or harmful genes and can block division of abnormal cells thereby prevent aging caused by these abnormal cells. How does our body balance methylation? There are three groups of molecules in our body regulate to balance methylation. They are vitamin B (B6 and B12), TMG (Tri-Methyl-Glycine, also known as Betaine), and SAMe (S-Adenosyl-Methionine). As aging progresses, Vitamin B functioning as a cofactor in methylation reaction tend to become less efficient. SAMe formed in the body by combining methionion and ATP (adenosine triphosphate) is one of the most effective methylating agent. 4. It is proposed that Chronic Inflammation is the cause of many age related damage, because excessive inflammation also produces excessive toxic chemicals which not only fight bacteria, but also damage normal body tissues. One example component in excess inflammation is excitotoxicity in which brain cells get over-excited. Another chemical factor in inflammation is tumor necrosis factor(TNF), excess TNF causes the degeneration of brain and nerves. Omega-s fish oil has been used for anti-inflammatory purposes, however it only handle one of the many inflammation components. The current head has a little over a decade and a half to set the house in order before his exit, provided he stays until the end of his own tenure in 2033 (after a service of forty one years). The first to retire in 2018 would have given a total of forty-four years of service to the College and is currently the head of the Periodicals Section in the Library. He is unanimously dubbed 'the Encyclopaedia of Fourah Bay College Library'. Perhaps, the most damaging loss may be the current Book Binder whose replacement is now being actively discussed at the Institute of Library, Information and Communication Studies (INSLICS) at Fourah Bay College where he teaches all the conservation courses. Who will replace him when he retires in 2023 after giving forty-five years of service to the Bindery? That is indeed the question. He has already given two decades of his career serving as a Part -Time Lecturer at INSLICS and there is hardly any other tertiary institution in Sierra Leone with a functional bindery unit. There are physical and mental problems that all must deal with as senior men and women face common issues of chronic illness, depression, pain, and family strife. Many become victims of the dreaded downward spiral of dementia or Alzheimers Disease. Other of us are blessed with mental acuity and must choose the path we want to follow. We can make these the best years of our lives or become unhappy citizens, a burden to our families and to society. While reading Christiane W. Griffin - Wehr's book "Traveling in Place: A Journey into Memory Loss" we were visiting a friend at the Sunbridge Health Care facility in San Leandro. Thelma's friend had recently broken her ankle and was recuperating while anticipating therapy for her injury. Today was the third time within a ten day period I was sitting in the lobby of the facility while Thelma spent time with her friend. That's not good or bad, so I refuse to get all guilt-ridden now that my parents are gone. Yet, I'll probably always wonder what flew completely over my head as I was focusing on something far less significant. Oh well. It's all part of living the lives we were given. Life's full of lessons. Those our parents taught us about aging usually had nothing to do with aging. They just had to do with living . In any case, I've come up with 10 lessons I learned from my mom and dad about living my way through to growing older. These will probably sound fairly familiar to you, since most folks kind of see them as "universal truths" of a sort. I'll let you decide for yourself. Of course, this is just a small list about one point in time (i.e., NOW), and it's not at all complete. And I'm sure I'll realize other teachings worthy of gathering up and letting go as I move farther along in life. That's the great part. Make sure all your carpets are kept in good condition. Always wipe up spills as soon as they occur. Some floor surfaces are particularly slippery when wet. 1. Are your lights bright enough for you to see clearly? 2. Are stairs and steps well lit? 3. Are light switches easy to reach and near each doorway? 4. Can you easily switch on a light from your bed? 5. Is there good lighting where you keep your medicine? Nightlights are an inexpensive way to provide light to dark passageways at night. Consider installing movement activated or photo electric lights to illuminate passageways. Have extra lights installed or place lamps in dark areas. Allow time for your eyes to adjust when going to and from light and dark areas. 1. Do you use slip-resistant mats in the bathroom? 2. Are the soap, shampoo and towel within easy reach so you don't have to bend or reach too far? Premature aging is an issue faced by many men these days, due to stressful lifestyle and they can find relief with herbal remedies. Shilajit ES capsule is one such herbal remedy. Aging is not something that is related to counting birthdays and identifying some changes in the level of fitness and the way in which the body reacts and works. If the body of a man changes enough that he can look and feel the functioning in a different manner as compared what it was some years ago, there are great chances that age might be overtaking him. Even though, aging is something natural, for some men, it happens early and there need not be any worry as men can rely on the best herbal treatment for premature aging. Sometimes it happens without any symptoms and signs, until there is a sudden catastrophic event like stroke, cancer or heart attack. In other cases, tissue wasting or atrophy can occur as in the case of muscle weakness with inadequate exercise, glandular deterioration and mucous membrane with lowering of hormone level. In most cases, the body that is aging prematurely will send a signal that it is not functioning properly.