#i would sorta like to understand how my parents can say such unbearably cruel things to my face
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#i would sorta like to understand how my parents can say such unbearably cruel things to my face#and think that they’re helping me#i get that other people in my life might not tell me the truth bc they don’t want to hurt me#but there’s a difference between being honest and being cruel#between being realistic and projecting your own dissatisfaction#and in the same breath they’ll ask me why i have no confidence in myself and tell me that i’ve wasted all my potential & it’s too late for#like#not that everything is their fault i am entirely responsible for not planning better#but how can they say something like that and think that they’re doing me a kindness#it just does not compute#this conversation happened yesterday and it was an hour of them venting their frustrations at me#frustrations that i fucking share!!!!! just for the record!!!!!#and then getting mad when i didn’t respond with some sort of hail mary like actually everything was fine#like what did they expect me to say#it also feels just so manipulative how much they insist that they are the only ones that care about me#that no one else in my life is reliable#which is already something i believe bc who would ever want to put up with all my bs outside of brief dinner parties#but i also can’t rely on them because everytime i have they’ve turned it against me like a weapon#so doesn’t that just mean that i genuinely have no one??? that i’m genuinely alone???#and i know i know they are like this because of their own trauma and their own issues#but i can’t manage myself much less manage all their emotions#it’s just such an awful situation#i’ll stop there the longer i type the more i spiral#but i am just extremely disappointed in myself that i couldn’t hold on to my good productive mood from last week for even a single day#after getting back#personal#vent
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