#i wrote a bunch more but it ended up becoming a lil sad so i had to delete a bnuch;;;

[iwasneverth3re]

Hiya! Lili just read your bio that you're 22! Your basically my senior of Gun simp! (Me being 21 a year junior hehe) the fact I read your pervious asks you said you like Goo also. I think your gonna love this one on my on going sketch Goo and Gun posing a Jojo pose. (I am rusty and I made the agony mistake of the digital artist that is drawing final line in same layer of sketch)

Here is my question:

-What is your first impression on Gun like the ever the first that when he appeared in school festival.

-When did you hop into this lookism hole

-if you want to get isekai which world you want to get into

-if reincarnation which world do you want to born in

-how many years you been drawing! It looks so smooth!

Btw love love your drawing! Your drawing basically made me go draw Gun without any hesitation. Also fellow pinoy (well half) here.

Hello there Slimesam!! 💚💚💚 haha yes, I'm in my hag era now😅 but it's very nice to meet you!!! And that's cool to see another fellow pinoy here!🥺 always nice to meet my fellow Filipinos so hello!! Hehe yes I am also a goo simp (oddly enough, I've noticed a pattern that if you're Gun biased, then you're also a Goo enthusiast as well??). But you're absolutely right because from your w.i.p drawing so far I love it so far!! I like your art style and the poses you've chosen for Gun and Goo are so fun and I can't wait to see the final product!!💚💛💚💛 OOF FELT. I've also made the mistake of doing the final lineart on the sketch layer and I got so mad at myself for it :') but I hope that when you go over with the actual final line art layer, it doesn't take as long as bc I always find that progress to be a pain!! And thank you for your compliments🥹🥹🥹 it means a lot to hear that I've somewhat inspired you to draw Gun! Like I can't believe I've helped you feel that way🥹

Without further or do tho (bc I always end up ranting and I won't bore you bc I could do this all day haha), onto your questions!

1. "What is your first impression of Gun when he first appeared at the festival?" Goofy. I thought that this mfer was goofy.

I also thought he looked very 2012-2014 tumblr era to me which made me side-eye him a bit LOL. I remember after the panels of Gun punching Vasco, i was thinking to myself, "YEAHHHH VASCO! DONT LET A MAN FROM TUMBLR BEAT YOU UP🗣🗣🗣'. What made me intrigued about him was when he gave Daniel a good ol' Brazilian kick and when he removed his sunglasses for the first time! I was like, 'woah, wait why are his eyes like that?? This guy looks like trouble.' AND of course, I was surprised about finding out that Gun wasn't some 20 something year old. Overall though, I didn't really care for Gun at this point in the story.

2. "When did you hop into this lookism hole?" I HOPPED INTO THIS RABBIT HOLE BACK IN 2018! It was all thanks to my ex. During the time we were dating, he would try and get me to read a bunch of manhwas but the ones he recommended me didn't really appeal to me (we actually almost had a fight bc I told him that I didn't really like tower of God and couldn't get into it OML). BUT after all the manhwas he recommended me, I finally liked one and it was of course of lookism! I did, however, drop it during the Eli jang arc. Not necessarily because I lost interest in it but because I ended up hyperfixating on something else at the time (pretty sure it was mob psycho). It was only until last year that I picked up lookism and caught up to it that I fell back in love with the series!

3. "If you want to get into isekai, which world would you want to get into?" I would say none because while the fantasy and magical elements would be totally cool, there's almost always a tragedy that happens and I don't want that wished upon me🙅🏽‍♀️

4. If reincarnated, what world would you want to be reincarnated? Probably a studio ghibli movie. The kind of vibes and feelings those movies give me? Magical. Who wouldn't want to be married to a giant, ocean gueen/goddess? Or to stay in a movie castle with pretty boy wizard named Howl? I would've said jujutsu kaisen for the sole sake of being able to meet Gojo or Nanami but then I remember the shibuya arc and I'm in shambles and the chances of me surviving in that verse is slim to none lmao.

5. "How many years have you been drawing? It looks so smooth!" Well first of all, thank you so much for saying that!🥰 second of all, so I've been drawing or have done traditional art for a loooong time. However, there were times where I would drop art and not pick it back up until a year or so later simply because growing up, I've always struggled with finding confidence in myself and in my art as well. So I'd say that I've been doing traditional art for maybe 6 years? While I've done digital art for around maybe a year now (I refuse to color things in because it's so stinking hard).

[petriichvrs]

ONE  YEAR  OF  NOXTMS  /  five  dyanmics  with  two  bonus  !

more thoughts / information under the cut ! 

001.   𝐃𝐔𝐃𝐋𝐄𝐘 𝐃𝐔𝐑𝐒𝐋𝐄𝐘  &  𝐆𝐈𝐍𝐍𝐘 𝐖𝐄𝐀𝐒𝐋𝐄𝐘.   ( @ddudleys )

every single day, i think about this pair & just how unexpectedly ... brilliant they are. i hope by now my love of dudley is just very apparent, but if it ISN’T - i love his character so, so much, and i think you’re an incredibly talented person for being able to give him this whole personality and existence beyond the end of the books that fits with his canon so well and still gives him his chance to be a good person. dudley & ginny bonding following the war, attending support group together ... ginny telling him wildly incorrect things about the world for a laugh, the fact they have TOTALLY bonded even more over both being sports people, the moment where they held hands at grimmauld place, everything after ... jesus christ ! i can never ever be eloquent enough to express the way they make me feel, and the way that any new little insight into their dynamic be it by meme or by thread just makes them that bit more real to me, but i’m so grateful for this funky pair, and you better know it ! 

002.   𝐋𝐔𝐂𝐈𝐔𝐒 𝐌𝐀𝐋𝐅𝐎𝐘  &  𝐍𝐀𝐑𝐂𝐈𝐒𝐒𝐀 𝐌𝐀𝐋𝐅𝐎𝐘.  ( @dolors  )

tell me a year ago that someday i’d actually care about the malfoy family and i’d have FOUGHT you over it - at no point did i ever expect to pick up narcissa, and after i did, i never expected to get such a complex and amazingly thought out lucius to write opposite of. i still remember the moment where blo and i realised you were going to bring him, and the EXCITEMENT we felt at the fact that this individual i already knew semi okay who was writing such an excellent interpretation on hermione was going to bring us a character who can be so polarising, in a lot of ways. the hope ? the willingness to die for you immediately, simply because you were going to DO it ? cherry i cannot believe there was ever a time where we were not friends in the way we are now, and i REALLY can’t remember an instance where i didn’t have malfam + lucissa to get me through my day. they’re my emotional support morally grey family who think of themselves first & foremost and everyone else after, okay ? lucius is a lot of things, and you do such a good job at writing ( and acknowleding ) them, but inside the walls of malfoy manor he’s narcissa’s honey bunch with an unhealthy emotional attachment for his peacocks & brilliant taste in erotica novels for their next book club session. 

003.   𝐁𝐋𝐀𝐈𝐒𝐄 𝐙𝐀𝐁𝐈𝐍𝐈  &  𝐆𝐈𝐍𝐍𝐘 𝐖𝐄𝐀𝐒𝐋𝐄𝐘.  ( @ofzvbini )​

mozzie, let’s not cut straws on this one : holy fuck. holy JESUS. holy moley. all the holys. here is the thing - my love for blaise zabini as a character / concept and my appreciation for the blaise/ginny dynamic that could exist had NEVER gotten to be mutually exclusive until you came along. never ! it wasn’t something to feel hard done by, or anything, but... i kinda do, now, but for a different reason, which is that you’ve set the bar for characters SO HIGH in general and i’m never ever going to be able to find another interpretation of blaise that even remotely lives up to yours, nor do i think that anyone will ever be on the such a similar wavelength to me, when it comes this connection. the energy all around is just utterly UNMATCHED, and the fact that... even just rereading our replies from the last event to get this excerpt, i realised i wanted so badly to reply again right now immediately, because the sparring of their words and lets be honest, the PALPABLE sexual tension going on in that thread was so genuinely fun and entertaining. i just think you knock it out of the park so consistently with your characters and the connections you write with them. i could have said any of our dynamics - luna + ginny, luna + nazli, luna + narcissa, eulalia + niko, blaise + merry, blaise + narcissa, blaise + niko - YOU GET THE PIC ! i love u moz. please marry me under the moonlight i think it would be very romantic-

004.   𝐏𝐄𝐍𝐄𝐋𝐎𝐏𝐄 𝐂𝐋𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐖𝐀𝐓𝐄𝐑  &  𝐍𝐈𝐊𝐎 𝐊𝐀𝐑𝐊𝐀𝐑𝐎𝐅𝐅.  ( @pclearwaters )

i want in on record that penny clearwater is the love of my life, actually. i want it on fuckin RECORD, because the love i have for this character who gets paid nothing but DIRT in the series all because you took her up & gave her this whole life and character and storyline that made her into... like, a real person ? who makes me feel sometimes ... just very sad, but who also brings me such joy. penny & niko are another example of that fun little thing we do where we throw these totally different characters together and then see what happens ( usually the most perfect of unexpected friendships ). i loved the last thread we did between them most, because it was one of the first chances i had ever gotten to showcase that a side of niko not really seen so often, and his confusion at penny’s genuine beautific happiness was just ... really fun to write and get into. i truly think you do such a good job with penny, and i love the dedication you have to the clearwaters, full stop. here’s to many more of their weird lil interactions ! 

005.   𝐃𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐎 𝐌𝐀𝐋𝐅𝐎𝐘  &  𝐆𝐈𝐍𝐍𝐘 𝐖𝐄𝐀𝐒𝐋𝐄𝐘. ( @blondsnake )

six months ago, they were one of the dynamics i chose to talk about in the original meme. when i did it that time, the excerpt i chose was : “i’m sorry,” he tells her, voice cracking, and he doesn’t know what he’s sorry for anymore. for the sins of his father? for ginny’s ruined childhood? for the fact that he is draco malfoy, and not someone else? & the REASON i chose them was at the time we wrote that thread, it felt very... real and raw and human, to me. it felt like we were exposing a nerve. the malfoy / weasley dynamic is expanded on so much when it comes to every other weasley, and ginny’s interaction with the family she has so much of a history with, with the son of the person who really took a key role in what she went through as an eleven year old, was just... so non-existent that getting to touch on it in the way we did felt...  incredbly important, and i remember the thread best for setting the continued tone. 

i’m choosing them now because i never, at any point, thought that we would end up where we are right now. i spend a lot of time, now, thinking about them - i can’t believe i never realised just how similar they were as people, and just how much possibility existed between them, because so much does, and every time we talk more about them, i come away with the feeling that this is a connection that’s like once in a lifetime esque, and i’m SO lucky that i’m writing it with you. you know ? you’re an incredibly talented writer who has four incredibly well thought out characters, and i love that i get to write with them all, because ALL of them are a treat to write with. i always wanna hear your thoughts, i always wanna hear your ideas and concepts, i always love the posts you send me and the things we joke about - almost as much as i love the things we don’t. that first night we realised what we had here came from utter meme and became something very very important to me. i’m always thinking about ‘he gives her a long look’. if you know you know, you know ? !  

006.   𝐀𝐌𝐄𝐋𝐈𝐀 𝐃𝐎𝐋𝐎𝐇𝐎𝐕  &  𝐍𝐈𝐊𝐎 𝐊𝐀𝐑𝐊𝐀𝐑𝐎𝐅𝐅. ( @rcveuse )

saz, i know we’ve only gotten the one thread started so far, and they’re newer... but can i just say, i’m really really glad that you decided to come back to nox, and i’m even more glad that when you did you picked up those specific connections of mine, because they were some of my FAVORITE ones on the page & had never really gotten their dues ? the niko one in particular, that amelia is filling - i remember writing it because i wanted him to have moments of his life that were happy, and the best way i could think to showcase his emotional side was via someone he loved for real. i always said niko loved fiercely and was just as fiercely loyal, but i hadn’t gotten the chance to write it, because he’s a character so difficult to put into positions where he would. he takes a long time to fully bond to people. even after he does... he’s just. odd. it was a v important connection to me, and i love amelia so much, already, and can see exactly what existed in her that he fell for when he did. i’m so excited to write them more, and i can’t wait to see where the dynamic that exists now goes ! 

006.   𝐊𝐀𝐄𝐋𝐀 𝐊𝐀𝐑𝐊𝐀𝐑𝐎𝐅𝐅  &  𝐌𝐄𝐑𝐑𝐘 𝐋𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐑𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐄. ( @taciiturns )

i love kaela. i know we know this. i know i’ve said it so many times, and i know i’m going to say it again, a million times more - but i really do love mikaela karkaroff, and i already had the niko connection, so i really shouldn’t have been greedy, but.... i didn’t imagine what’s come to exist between kaela & merry at ALL. it’s a very interesting dynamic built from very simple beginnings, and it’s become one of my most enduring merry connections - i think it made her more of a person, and i totally have you to thank for it. they’re such different people from such similar worlds, with such an interest in one another that i have such a difficult time explaining - IT WORKS, it so works, but it works in a way where i kinda have to admit i never even expected it, and i feel like i’m learning more and more about it with merry. that’s a very fun sort of connection to write when it’s with someone who loves their character as much as you do kaela, and i’m endlessly interested in where it’ll go ! 

[yhchanwoo]

hi! i’m very happy to be joining yangcheon (even if it was an impulse decision) & i look forward to learning about all of the characters here! i’ll be writing for kang chanwoo, the kang family’s youngest child and (former?) cello prodigy. i have his stats here, a few plot ideas here (will add more eventually) and a collection of info below the cut. like this post if you’re interested in plotting with us!

TW INSECTS! chanwoo has always been the typical ~weird~ kid. obsessed with horror and unsettling history, comfortable with picking giant bugs up in his bare hands, brave enough to go explore that haunted place you always hear of......... having said that, he’s one of the biggest sweethearts you’ll ever meet. END TW!

didn’t think he was going to go into classical music because it was just........ really boring to him, but then he discovered how eerie and dark the cello can sound and he was like yo...... maybe classical music is cool. as you could expect, he was awful at first, had to endure a lot of criticism & doubt, especially from his teachers who wanted him to focus on school and leave music to his parents bc he was genuinely quite smart. but he kept at it, worked really hard to be on par with his family musically.

known for performing really intense, moody pieces at recitals. he’s..... still quite intense off the stage, but he’s a lot more light-hearted and bright than strangers would assume! has always struggled to fit in with others, but he never stops trying!!!! will be kind to absolutely anyone, no matter how you treat him. might catch a lil attitude every now and then, but honestly, who doesn’t?

as the youngest in the kang family, you could say that he feels a bit obligated to be the bright and happy one. of course, before the accident, this happiness was usually genuine anyway so all he had to do was show it! he was never the elegant musician he was expected to be, always really clumsy, loud, painfully honest. wanted to live a fulfilling life and make tons of people happy in the process. has a huge heart and will love anyone who will let him. even loved his mom a TON in the past despite her constant attitude and strict parenting. thought life was so much better than what others made it out to be. rly naive, gullible, would believe anything (still will tbh). of course, it’s not like he’s had the ~best~ life and his view of the world has become quite dark in the past year but u know. he’s still capable of being that hopeful kid again, he’s just struggling a lil rn.

was accepted into yangcheon university as a musical performance major, but then he lost his dad (see kang family’s history) & kinda......... lost all confidence he had in music, began to break down when he even thought of LOOKING at his cello again. it’s currently hidden under a bunch of old blankets. anyway! now he’s an undecided major who skips class more often than not. doesn’t even skip to be rebellious bc he’s a Good Kid(tm), just does it bc school is exhausting nowadays. obviously he’s real impressive.

the rumor about him practicing (dark) magic...... does he know his way around a tarot deck? yes. does he collect rocks/stones? yes. is he obsessed with the phases of the moon? yes. does he have candles that COULD be used for spells? yes. does he make odd trips into the woods/secluded places with suspicious bags? yes. is he sometimes seen with strange books? yes...... but! he does NOT practice dark magic!!!! probably has no idea that that’s going around since he hardly talks to anyone these days. would explain his behavior if anyone asked (maybe).

like i mentioned before, he likes the cello for how dark and creepy it can be,,,,,,,, but make no mistake. this mf used to be obsessed with the cello. he definitely knows a bunch of taylor swift covers. every time he heard a song he liked, he’d start thinking about how to play it on the cello. probably embarrassed his parents sometimes.

TW INSECTS! really likes bugs. i mean........ he LOVES them. all of ‘em. has kept various kinds of bugs as pets in the past, would probably have some rn if he was capable of taking care of them but with where he’s at mentally, he’s not even properly taking care of himself, so....... maybe later. anyway, he also really likes the simpsons and used to make everyone call him bart as a joke. some of his nicknames are bart, buglord bart, bart the bug boy and just buglord/bug boy. END TW!

also likes photography a lot. he’s not that good at it, but he likes to fuck around with old film cameras or just those cheap disposable cameras. he collects a bunch of pics that don’t have any real subject/meaning, he just thinks they look cool. let him look at your/your family’s photo albums/photo bins/whatever and he’ll be SO happy.

really into history in general. all kinds of history. the story of how u got that one scar, what used to be where that strip mall is now, what a certain area was like five hundred years ago. has briefly considered being a historian but idk he’s still kinda holding onto hope that maybe one day his cello won’t seem so threatening.

thinks overalls are super cool and anyone who disagrees is just a hater. 60% of his wardrobe is overalls + oversized sweaters, 10% is dad hats + bucket hats, 15% is colorful high-top sneakers and the other 15% is things he bought bc of trends or suits for recitals.

likes cold weather and halloween, so this time of the year is usually ~heaven~ for him but he’s really sad rn so he’ll probably just be chillin in his room wearing some too-expensive costume that he ordered online for the lols.

edit bc i wrote this before the event was posted: perhaps he’ll be out and about, grooving around town for the first time in months. match costumes with him........ go trick-or-treating even tho u’re adults..... get a sugar high...... he’ll appreciate it so much. u have no idea.

plays acnh for the serotonin (and the cool bugs).

[riceccakes]

Earth, Wind, and Coffee: Chapter Three Analysis

chapter one analysis | chapter two analysis

back again for another chapter analysis. i think ive been looking forward to this chapter the most, it’s where some big decisions were made!!! this analysis is a long one, i hope that’s all right! i kinda got carried away. so, let’s dive right in, shall we?

some fun stuff before we start!

chapter three was supposed to be the last chapter of the fic

idk if any of you were there when i first started writing this fic, but it was only going to be three chapters with a possible epilogue. however, everything changed when i finished the end of chapter two. (lil atla reference there for ya) (sorry i know that was bad, moving on). like i said in my last analysis, i had an idea of what i wanted to happen (the separation of korrasami) so that they could come back together. it was just a matter of what separates them. so, i’m not sure where i got the panic attack idea but once i did, the rest of the story changed. i realized i couldn’t quite possibly finish the story in one chapter so i split the ideas i had and decided on it being four chapters

now, this being said, maaaaajor changes were made in my story outline. most notably: korrasami was going to be a couple in this chapter

this was originally going to be a full fledged “they meet, they get to know each other, they fall in love, happily every after” but the thing was, i planned on treating their romance as korra’s recovery; that being with asami is what made korra better, that all she needed was a partner, someone to love, and that is not what i wanted to portray with this story. i’ve never been a fan of stories that give a character a love interest and all of sudden their problems are fixed and they’re completely happy, and here i was about to do just that. i knew i’d never respect myself if i continued down this narrative, and when chapter two ended with korra’s panic attack, i realized her growth needed better love and attention. so, i changed what happened and gave her some therapy

this change in the storyline also let me explore more of kuvopal !!! (is that their ship name?)

so, back to LOVE WITCH for a second (because that glorious fic really did steal my heart) not only did it make me love kuvira’s character more, it also got me into the kuvopal relationship! and yet again, i wanted my own go at it. with the original timeline, there was just no space for me to include the lil bread crumbs of their relationship. however, however, however; by splitting the ending between two chapters (and adding some stuff in between) i was able to lay some foundation for them, which im very happy about :)

into the chapter we go:

let’s talk about the meeting! the whole reason this fic came to be! i’ll start by saying i always knew the project was going to get pulled out from under asami. 1) because thats some angsty/hurt shit right there and im a sucker for writing angst 2) i didn’t feel like creating a whole ass presentation because knowing my ass i would’ve made a powerpoint about it so i had every detail down to the font asami used and 3) getting the presentation taken away from asami was a pivotal point in her character arc.

i actually started the chapter in two different ways. at first, i’d written her whole entire morning with there always being one thing that was off. like, instead of a perfect omelette, it was going to split and asami would’ve had a scramble, still good, but not her favorite. instead of going through all green lights on her way to work, asami was gonna meet every. single. red. light. i would’ve gone through with this if it hadn’t felt strange; i wanted to give the impression that something bad was going to happen but i felt like having something go wrong with every thing in her morning was gonna be a dead give away that some even bigger big bad was about to happen, if that makes sense. so instead, i went with the picture perfect scenario, almost too perfect, if you ask me. and indeed, it was too perfect, because hiroshi was too much of a coward to tell his daughter any sooner that his board agreed to get a new presenter

im just gonna cite a bunch of my favorite lines/bits from this chapter because i really enjoyed writing it xD

Iroh has already begun but Asami hears no words, only a blaring ring in her ears. Her face feels hot and she wonders how red she is. She stares at the black binder, notes the natural grooves and curves of the material, the plastic covering over top of it, the metal spine peaking out at the bottom. She’s only brought out of it’s dark trance when she feels a hand be placed on her arm; Kuvira. 

when you’re upset, do you ever just, hyper focus on one thing and its like you’re analyzing it under a microscope for the first time? yes? no? well, i do that, and personally, i do because if i focus on my anger/hurt emotions any more, im going to explode and i dont want to explode. so, this instance about looking at the grooves in the binder and each of the components of it just hits with me, idk if does with you too, but like bruuh.

Asami has her hand over her mouth, silently sobbing, feeling as if she’ll throw up. She leans her head on her wheel, her mind wanders to what could’ve been, what should’ve been. She feels as if her car is closing in on her, that the metal is compacting. The seatbelt keeps her locked down to the driver’s seat and she can’t leave if she wants to. The Satomobile holds her hostage and she lets it. Even while it’s hurting her, even while it’s harshly molding itself onto her, she stays at her father’s heel because, what else is she to do?

this is one of my favorite things ive ever done with asami’s character, is using future industries/satomobiles as a sort of vehicle (heh) for her relationship with her dad. this paragraph just kind of hurts, but the good hurt? but also not good hurt? it’s just, (and not me over here boasting about my writing or anything) it’s so poetic that she has this breakdown and she’s so upset with her dad, i mean “what should’ve been” like, asami KNOWS that the shit that’s just happened is more than wrong, yet asami is still somehow wondering how she can please her dad and it’s in the literal legacy hiroshi built for himself. “she stays at her father’s heel because, what else is she to do?” i remember writing that and being like “shit, am i really gonna do this? yeah” ugh, i could go on forever about how i love this section, but i’ll stop here for now.

Asami begins yelling, screaming at the top of her lungs, letting all the thoughts, all the insecurities her father gave her finally be released into the world. Kuvira lets her, simply nodding and following along on the couch while Asami paces her living room. She spews out word after word, about the work, about the presentation, about Iroh, his position, her position, the company, the CEO, and she only stops when she feels the weight of her father rest on her shoulders.

back with more diction; i really love this paragraph because of how we circle back to hiroshi. note how i first say “the CEO” and then a few words later say “her father” because, in a way, this is asami’s confession that hiroshi is CEO first and father second, if i haven’t already explicitly said so. it’s so heart wrenching and sad but my favorite thing about it is this isn’t even about korra. like THIS right here is a prime example about how i realized this fic became more than just a love story. in the planning stages of this fic, asami was going to go through getting the presentation taken away from her, but what was she going to focus more on? the fact that korra wasn’t around anymore. and yes, asami still does think about korra after this, but so much more happens for her. asami gets to know kuvira more, asami gets to know her lab partners more, (and my personal hc is that they’ve all been lab partners for two years and only NOW asami is getting to be friends with them in their senior year, but hey, better late than never!) and to me, what’s even better, is that a bunch of realizations come to asami w/o korra being there. asami is growing and the idea of being able to grow without needing to have a partner in order to grow is so important to me, not only for the fact that growth should be endless and something you do all the time for yourself, but asami literally wants to share it with korra. not boast about changing and growing and becoming better, but just be better with korra. sdlfakds i swear, im fangirling over my own writing, oops

okay, moving on from The Meeting and onto the rest of the chapter

this dock scene was also another part i wrote beforehand and it had a completely different ending in that asami was going to ask korra out on a date. of course, korra would’ve said yes, and then yay yay happy ending. this didn’t happen and i’m glad it didn’t. in one version of this dock scene, asami was actually going to be upset with korra for disappearing, and even worse, mad that korra wasn’t there to comfort her after the presentation. oof, i know. so so glad i didn’t continue down that line, cause it is toxic, and my girls aren’t like that at all.

Once Korra’s eyes meet hers, Asami says, “That doesn’t mean you always have to be on your own.” She smiles at Korra, at the girl who’s turned her world upside down. Her hand remains on Korra’s cheek and she feels the girl sink into her palm. “I’ll be here for you, and it seems like Tenzin will be too, what with saying he was calling you more. And you have his family, and your own family, even though they’re away, they’re here to support you, we all are. You can still be strong and turn to other people for help. It takes great strength to ask for help and I know for a fact you’re strong enough, those bags of coffee beans were nothing for you.”

i like this line of dialogue here for a few reasons, mostly because asami is so soft and so right and the joke at the really helped lighten the mood but didn’t take away from what she’d just said before. i don’t have too much else about the Reunions section, though if you guys have any questions or anything you wanna point out, please do so! i think what i will say is that i tried to be as real and gentle with korra’s progression. i was so nitpicky about everything i wrote because i didn’t want to get any of it wrong or over dramatized or fake. recovery from anything is so important and it takes time and it’s not a straight line so i hope i did a good job with it the rest of the fic. 

moving on, i love the found family trope and this leads me into the next section, New Friends

when i think about this section, i like how soft it is, and i really enjoy the ending bits: korra recounting memories from the south, asami meeting tenzin. i think what i like about the end of this chapter is that, it kind of leaves the question: what’s next?

asami has grown, she’s changed, she sees the errors of her father’s ways but she’s not excusing them. korra has grown, she’s changing, she’s taken the first step in recovery. now it’s just a matter of, what happens with this growth now. and i really loved how i wrapped up the fic in the next and last chapter, so i hope you enjoy it too :))

honorable mentions:

there were a lot of changes in this chapter and one of them got changed twice! korra was gonna get a therapist but then i was like, we gotta get the krew together, and then i was like supppppoorttttt grouuuppppp, because lets be honest, all the krew has stuff they need to work through, and i know therapy isn’t for everyone, but mental health is so vital and important. asami is an advocate for therapy in the chapter but there are also other means to take care of yourself and your mental health and while i’ve never been to a support group, i understand finding comfort in knowing you’re not alone.

i guess what i’m trying to say is please take care of yourself and dont be afraid to lean on others. i know not everyone has the means to get a therapist/psychiatrist and i know that your friends aren’t made to only be your therapist. buuuut, don’t be afraid to reach out, there’s nothing wrong with needing help and support :)

anything i would’ve wanted to change?

honestly, i think the only thing i would’ve wanted to change was mako’s speech during the support group meeting. for me, it was a lil bit too poetically out of character. not to say i want to change the content, but rather the manner in which it’s presented. other than that though, i really loved writing this chapter :)

so this analysis was reeeaaaalllly long, i understand if not everyone made it to end. anyways, thanks so much for reading this analysis and the fic! once again, i’m very much open to questions and any comments, i love them very much! i’ll see you guys in the next analysis of the final chapter :)

[chemicallydamaged]

Recovery: The Stigma Of Struggle 2/2 (TW)

Please do not read further If you are easily disturbed or affected by mentions of self harm, weight gain, or suicidal behaviors. I wrote this to help someone feel less alone and share my experience- not to potentially trigger someone. Please be safe.

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I told my parents about my several-year long addiction to self harm, despite starting at the age of seven. I've never once been to a therapist, counselor, psychologist, or a psychiatrist. I mainly have scars on my thighs, but I also have them on my waist, face, feet, hands, hips, and so on. I have used needles, glass, push pins, scissors, exacto-blades, knives, razors, and whatever else I could get my hands on. It became an addiction before I even knew what and addiction was.

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(This is an unprofessional, messy rough draft that I wanted to post so you know i'm not dead. I may edit this sometime in the future and delete this lil message thingy.)

Suddenly, you become a liar- that's how these things go on for so long, that's how this cycle eats you alive; “I hate getting wet”, “I just get cold easily”, “The cat scratched me”, and so on. You do anything to protect this secret, this horrible fucking brain eating, exhausting secret- while also hoping someone would ask how you are, maybe ask what's going on, and yet you still lie to them. Help doesn't feel for you- help doesn't always feel like an option. 

I always felt like everytime I cut, it was like shutting my thoughts up for a few seconds. I had so much swarming in my head, so many negative, screaming thoughts eating away at my brain, that I would do anything to relieve the tension. Everything irritated me. So when I got home, and all these memories of screaming parents and asshole students and shitty teachers screamed in my thoughts, I couldn't take it. For me, I convinced myself of two options; self harm, or ending my life.

June, maybe July of 2020. I haven't gone outside for a very long time, using covid fear as an excuse. I would be in such deep wallows of depression I could barely move; at that point I had gained so much weight I was scared of taking showers. I was scared of going outside. I was scared of eating. I used a group chat in one of my friend’s servers to get me through it, at least so I could socialize in one way or another. I wanted to get better, yet I was too exhausted to take the steps of recovery. I had tried to quit a few times at that point, only to fall back in. I would be taking a plane ride to see family (safely) and I was so fucking scared. It would be incredibly hot over there, I couldn't wear shorts, I was depressed, I had low-self esteem, and now I had to socialize with family I hadn't seen in several years. I was convinced they would be disappointed in me, I really didn't want them to be ashamed. 

When I finally got there, everything had changed. They looked so different- my little cousin, who I remembered as a toddler, was now a kid. My aunts were more stressed out than I had ever noticed before. Some pets had passed away, and the area of town had become pretty run-down. I had always wanted a little sister, and felt like I missed out on a lot of those years- so I tried to spend as much time with her as I could. She was so happy and so energetic, I was so surprised to see that she was excited to meet me. She didn't care about how I looked or how awkward I was, she just wanted to do art and make mudpies and jump on a trampoline, like a kid. I missed out on water balloons, refusing to wear shorts, which upset everyone because I wouldn't be able to play. I took that time to lock myself in a bedroom and cry. When I thought of her ever doing what I was doing to myself, I broke down completely. I would have been self harming for a year by her age. I missed out on so much. To think that she could ever go through that terrifies me and shakes me to my core. She is like a little sister i've never had. I thought of my brother and how he would be upset, so see his actual little sister go through this the whole time. This is still hard to think about. This was my first kick in the ass to recovery. I was going to commit.

I came home in a lot of pain. I couldn't stop thinking about it. I kept impulsively grabbing objects, picking at my skin, biting my nails, and going fucking crazy. I was so close, so many times. I can barely express the amount of stress I was in, not being able to use what I believed to be my only coping mechanism ever since I can remember, knowing for sure I absolutely could not and would not do it. I had to fight with my brain 24/7 just to stay afloat, to have self-control.

Fast forward 4-ish months and I was finally about to tell my mom, but at the wrong time. The closest self harming behavior I had was skin scratching, but that was better than cutting. We had gone to the store to pick out some clothes and I was really excited about it; however, the closer we go to the changing room the harder my heart throbbed out of my chest. If she went in with me, she would see all the scars. We had gotten to the changing room, and she went in with me. I froze up, in cold sweat, and couldn't do or say anything. Just as she said “Oh woops do you not want me in th-” I broke down. In a grocery store changing room. For everyone to hear. She sat me down and comforted me, like a cool mom. I was  surprised, I thought she would be embarrassed. I told her about everything. She supported me. I couldn't stop shaking, unsure of weather to be sad or happy. I finally said something. I was relieved. I finally did it.

My dad was less accepting after my mom told him first. Because he doesn't believe in “organized help” and instead believes you have to “get through anything on your own, because that's what I DO” It was probably a bit of a struggle for my mom to talk to him. He avoided me for a few days, until he was ready. When I had finally told him, it turned out to be ok. He wasn't happy with me but he wasn't pissed either so that's a positive. My brother had a similar reaction. A lot of friends didn't care. But some still did, and I'd rather have a few real friends than a lot of fake ones. Sounds like a bunch of hippie dippie Karen bullshit but I genuinely feel way more positive about this then when I first told my parents. I hope to get mental health help soon, although there are so many people trying to get it that its difficult to find a good therapist thats available (Thx c0v1d, u sur3 r g8 0n m3ntal h3alth <3). For now, i'm just doing the best I can- im still going to struggle, but that's part of life. Im happy with that. 

This is only my side of the story.

Yours doesn't always have to be the recovery, but it can be the ask for help.

(2/2) 

Hope your doing well, wherever you are.

[natsumiheart]

I gotta say, I started following your blog after you made the 100 reasons why I ship saiouma post, because at the time I was getting alot of crap from people saying why do I ship the ship because they disliked it and they prefer other ships like oumota/saimota/oumeno or consider saiouma unhealthy/generally disliked it. I found your post to be kinda comforting really and I really enjoy reading your content. I love you + your blog, and am really grateful to you. Also sorry I spam your ask box

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕

Aaaa I’m crying thank you so much ;; feel free to spam as much as you want dun worry about it! 😂

I’m honestly glad my blog feels like a safe space for fellow Saiouma shippers. I definitely know the feeling of getting a lot of crap from other people just because they otp something else (don’t get me started on those people from amino who shipped before the game came out then attack you just because Kokichi ended up having feelings for someone else). You can come to me anytime to assure you what they’re saying is wrong and is just a result of their insecurities towards their ship. To be honest, no ship with Kokichi is unhealthy, because Kokichi is not who they think he is. I believe in the end anyone who hates Saiouma just misunderstood Kokichi or Shuichi’s character. There’s a reason why most youtubers who have played the game end up acknowledging the existence of the ship after all.

When I started falling for the ship I had no dr friends who liked it so I was just fangirling on my own, reading fanfics on my own, drawing fanart and never showing anyone XD (it was sad really but it was fun to draw for my otp and being so happy about it) one day I decided maybe I should just post all that art onto dr amino as some huge art dump, but then still got some controversial comments everytime I posted something and didn’t get that much recognition. I already didn’t like that amino cause I wasn’t a huge fan of the dr fandom itself, don’t know if I was even considered a part of it. But those incidents where my friend had to keep stepping in to protect me just made me hate it to death. (thanks for protecting me @souda-nouda ;;)

I still post my drawings here and there but not as much, it’s all art dumps. Plus I never talk there, because 1. already hated the fandom and 2. one time I joined a chat and after someone (it was obv what their otp was but I’m not gonna mention it, dun wanna generalize those shippers because I’m sure not everyone is like that) noticed my Saiouma pfp they sent a “meme” ridiculing Saiouma 😂  basically a screenshot of the “you’re alone and always will be” scene with the caption “Oh I love Saiouma so much best ship” or something like that. I ended up never talking that much, was scared of being there and it was worse with my anxiousness. I ended up ranting to myself yet again then just keeping that rant in my notes, and later referred to that rant in an answer to an ask asking about how I feel towards the opinion that Saiouma is just onesided. You can find it here if you want to XD You can tell which parts I had to refer to my rant to.

But honestly, the worst one is when friends diss it in front of me with no regards for my feelings about it. When it’s others I can ignore but when it’s friends you can say “I take the beating” and laugh it off even though they’re seriously hurting me. (I know it’s just a ship, but it’s my otp for god’s sake 😂) The reason why I started disliking some ships even though I shipped them in the past is that of people trying to tell me why Saiouma sucks and why their ship is better. It was worse too when it was irl 😂 One of my only friends irl that knows danganronpa dissed my otp really badly when I had no one else and I just laughed it off 😂😂😂 (again won’t mention their ship, but it def affected my opinion on that ship and them as a person. tbh have come to seriously not like that ship at all, cause most fans of it treated Saiouma shippers the same way)

Life was like that for a while, the only one I could rant to was myself or my friend in class who knew nothing about danganronpa “I’m dying these fics are killing me and I have no one to talk to about it save me, Person B has the hanahaki disease and ran away! at this rate he’s gonna die on the streets!” poor friend

One day my friendo on kh amino for like two years now told me to post the drawings I’ve been hoarding to tumblr with her (hey @xs-xs ily thanks for dragging me to tumblr ;;💕💕💕) and she soon joined me on the ship becoming my first ever friend to have shipped Saiouma! I ended up legit spamming her with a bunch of fics that I read and loved and even a bunch of Saiouma artists I followed here on tumblr! Honestly, she helped me at such a rough time, bless her. I love her so much utcjgcfsyrehtsefxjd

my lil sis somehow joined me as well after playing the game pfpfp we fangirl together sometimes

You may laugh at me but I seriously feel safer on tumblr as a place to post these stupid drawings, I hate them, I want to get better constantly, but meeting fellow shippers and getting support for doing what I do just makes me so happy ;; and now I’m just so happy that I could you help you through something I’ve gone through as well. Because of this place I feel like I can just post drawings for me and my little circle of followers and mutuals who love the ship as well, and I ended up meeting really imp friends to me now that I speak to every day (hey @reichiroll and @my-own-special-atmosphere thank you so much for talking to me even though all I did at the time was just post drawings and was srsly new to tumblr 😂)

As you can see having been questioned multiple times as to why I ship them I ended up with tons of nights staying awake and just remembering each and every detail of why I loved the ship so much, why did I keep staying awake at night reading fanfictions of them? why did drawing them make me so happy even though I was going through such a rough time in my life? Why did I feel like I’m on cloud 9 just talking about them? Why did I want someone to talk to about it so badly? One day, I was left without internet, and away from home, I felt so horrible, but to make myself feel better I just whipped out my notes app again and just started typing the many reasons I shipped Saiouma.

It wasn’t supposed to be 100 tbh, and it almost ended up more than 100 (I didn’t mention all those cute moments between Shuichi and Kokichi before the fte starts, the “Shuichi you understand me I’m so happy I’m crying!”, the time they ran away from Kaito together, or the time Kokichi taught him stuff about lying. I don’t even think I mentioned the funny backhanded compliments in salmon team, like Kokichi wants to compliment Shuichi but doesn’t know how to so he does it in his own Kokichi way 😂 “no matter how many times I’m reborn I’m no match for the likes of you” and “You’re really amazing Shuichi” hhhhhh), it didn’t even take much time to write. but somehow (due to the unhealthy amounts of hours I spend thinking about Saiouma) I wrote all that, and somehow that post got a lot of notes proving to me that I was actually not alone. It made me so happy.

and that’s how that post came to be! XD It’s awesome that you’ve been here for that long ;;💕

Sorry for the sudden rant, you can already tell that I can’t help but rant alot XD your message hit me right in the heart, I almost started crying from happiness 😂 thanks again and as I said earlier spam me all you want, answering your asks is fun! and for the friends who I ended up tagging, hey sorry I just love you and can’t hold this love back XDDD

[bonbonswirl-blog]

Safe (a little sequel to "impressive"?)

NONE OF THE CHARACTERS BELONG TO ME THEY ALL BELONG TO @BRUEKLYNN ONLY I OWN NOTHING.

U dont really have to read "impressive", but you may get really confused about what are the characters talking about here and wat happend bc the idea is like lil sequel to that fanfic. Something before we get to some action fanfic guys! also sorry bc one of the characters is a little OOC here (or maybe even both!) enjoy if you can lol.

Its been two hours since rob was searching for jim to ask him for his opinion about the new script he wrote for the new jokey episode. The proplem is, he cant find the stuttery storyboarder anywhere in sight! He looked in many rooms, He asked a lot of people if they saw him, with only samuel replying to him that jim was running away strangely like he was in a hurry, before telling rob to leave his office. Rob didnt really understand why would jim run that quickly like this in the studio, he was always so cautious about every little action he takes, espicially with the 'dangerous' things to him, running in the studio is an example, he knows that jim would tell him that doing this have many bad outlooks. like, he may fall and break his bones! Or have a few scars on his face! Or maybe fall hardly to the point that the ground break down under him and fall to the second floor beneath! Thinking like that was a little funny to rob, he never met someone before with the same thinking method. But presently he was tring to give jim some excuses for running like he did, what if he maybe had a meeting that he was late for? or he forgot to do something important in his job? or he was alerted about something and wanted to tell everyone? Rob wont know the exact reason, but he hopes that jim had done whatever he needed to do and right know, Rob needs to find him to finish this script review before the night come, he was already too tired of searching for jim. It may be weird to think that someone would hide all day in one of the studio room until the night, but everyone told rob that jim was noticed to be absent from the view since hours. With no sign that he went out of the place, the only option left is that jim locked himself in one of the studio rooms, which is the last option Rob wanted to consider since the studio is reeaally big and have many many rooms there....

Rob was already exusted greetly, his legs in pain, He looked in every studio room out there, expect for five ones, and good thing for him those are the last five. Whats even better? they are all in the same hall. Finally! Jim must be in one of those five, and all what he have to do is open and close the doors. those rooms seem to be some kind of store rooms in the studio, with each one having random things stored inside it.

Rob walked to the first room in the right and opened it, wishing jim is already there. But he saw nothing but some music instruments, he closed the door and went to the second room in the left, opening the door, finding just a bunch of papers everywhere, closing the door in dissapointment again, this is really boring and he is tired and want to end this work now. He went to the third room in the right, he was about to open it but....suddenly before he do...he heard a voice...a very low and odd voice.....but the hall he is in was so quiet that the odd voice was the only thing that could be heard, other than rob own footsteps. It was a very unclear and inditinct sound...it looked like it was coming from behind him, which was the forth door in the left, that is right behind him. It must be for jim right? Who else could it be for? Jim is the only one who must have locked himself in that room. When rob moved softly near to where the audio is coming from, the voice started to become a little more clear, but when rob drew his head near that door he tried to figure about what this voice is saying or who is he talking with. but he couldnt understand a word, perhaps those are not words and this is..........is this sobbing?....no.....he hoped that this is not what he is thinking about right now........he was really very worried about what is happening inside.........he even forgot about his whole purpose when he was searching for jim and just wanted to check if he is alright there.....he slowly moved the door handle and moved it down to open that door only to be greeted by..........

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

"AHHHHHH!!!!!"

Jim screamed in fear and jumped so high when rob opened the door, breathing so heavily and hardly! on the other hand, rob screamed when jim did out of that sudden move, he just jumped a few steps to the back, he did it! he found jim! But before he utter any word he saw jim and..........he was highly startled by what he saw........jim face........all of it was......so ruddy......even his freckles were very hard to be noted under all of this redness..... his eyes...so puffy....so dark.... so swollen.....so dry......dry because all of the tears inside were used....the traits of the endless river of those salty drops that streamed down his tight face were etched on it as if he had been crying since forever....even some drops were still falling from his chin....his face was wet, on every inch of it......his shirt and hands even drenched....

".........Jim!............." " r-r-rob!.....I-I-I!..........I-I.....I....." jim whole body was trembling....he couldnt bring himself to say something.....how can he explain now? he looked like if he is trying to hold himself up strong...but he just..... gave up....collapsing on his knees, looking at the ground woefully. Rob was dolorous to the scene in front of him...he never thought that one day he will see something like that happen to one of the dearest people to him...... he tried with tender steps to approach his quivering friend, when he did.....he sat on his knees too, very placidly putting his hands on jim fallen face to make him look at him....but looking at jim crying face only made his heart sink....sink deep to places he never knew where there...it seemes that rob had a spot for his friend. That was a horrid thing that rob didnt want to witness again, Or jim...That cordial gloss that favoured jim eyes was no longer there... The look in them were so lonesome. The glint they had that revealed a world of darkness, his eyes revealed it all. The dark, colourless eyes that mourned his despair....rob gloomily moved his hand gently up and down his soulmate wet cheek, as if telling him that he will be ok, everything is alright now, he gave him one last sad look before starting to talk.

" ...What happend?..... " jim eyes went to the ground, the muscles of his chin tremble like a small child, despite the consolation feelings from his friend warm soft hands on his tensed face, he couldnt bring himself to speak of what happened, what if this ilwas a stupid reason to cry or to be afraid of? Rob waited for an answer, but it never came, he could sense that jim still have some doubt and terror inside him. Rob closed his eyes with a sigh, pressing his hands on jim face to make him focus on his once more "....jim....you are a very dear friend to me....my best friend...my soulmate....I really feel so worried about you...know that whatever happend...im here with you...I will always support and be next to you in whatever goes....I cant be fine when I see you like this...you can tell me anything you want to..I promise that I wont tell anyone...and will help you in whatever you need...please let me be a shoulder to you..and let me understand whatever bother you...." jim was....moved by what he just heard...that reminded him of how much lucky he is to have someone in his life like Rob, oh how much he loved being with him. He forced his desperate neck to look in the eyes of his understanding soulmate, he wanted so bad to be able to start narrating the story.

" R-Rob...can I tell you s-something?...." " ofcourse! You can tell me anything! " ".....I....sometimes rob....I....really w-wish that...I had a...n-normal childhood like all t-the other people...." he paused for a few seconds because that was something he wasnt certain he should talk about, rob looked at him with a confused face. " you s-see.....I-I just wished t-to run around in an o-o-open feild after butterflies like everyone...p-play in those small playgrounds in the b-backyards...d-draw with those colorful watercolor p-paints without being s-so scared to touch them...I-I-I just w-wish I was given t-the opportunity to try new things l-like all the others, without my freedom b-being held back by 'them'....if I j-just had a better people that could h-help me grow u-up...Insted Of Having A M-M-Man That Always Make Me Scream In Fright E-Every Moment He Comes home! A-And Cry Myself To S-Sleep!..." jim didnt know if he felt better or not after admitting everything...rob listened to him with every detail...he understands it all now... ".......jim.....I....Im sorry.....I-I understand you had a troubled family...but its alright...you are away from them now...you are here with us...that 'man' was all just a bad memory from the past..." ".......no.......worse......he wasnt j-just a memory... h-he was here.....h-here in the studio....h-he was trying to get me....a-again...pull me back to h-his drakness...He a-almost catched me...but t-thanks the gods samuel w-was there to save me..." rob got confused again, he thought jim was talking about his bad childhood, but it was more. He stopped. He gets what really happened now. Linking together what jim and samuel told him, he connected all the puzzle pieces together now. Jim father was here in the studio hours ago, jim saw him and fled away quickly, with samuel saving him in the last moment before being captured. Jim looked at rob, looking broken " r-r-rob!....I-I-I cant let him s-see me again...I-If he had me in his hands one more time....h-he.....h-h-h-h-h-h-h-he......" that last part was choppy as if jim tongue got tangled, his body shivering again, looking down in sorrow

" Jim "

The shy storyboarder, shakingly looked up hearing his name being called, his eyes started having a tenuous layer of water over them. Rob didnt speak a word. Insted, He opened his arms, as if telling his friend to come over here, rest his head on his shoulders, lay on him, and let it all out....jim understood it, he was taken aback by rob sudden genial offer, but he accepted it, crawling to him, then wrapping his shuddered lanky arms around his friend, resting his lumbering head on his best friend strong chest, feeling his mild heartbeats. Hearing it reminded jim of the nice and tenderness waves he feels when he is with rob. Who just closed his eyes and toke him in a sympathetic embrace.

Without hisetance, The tears burst forth like water from a dam, spilling down his face, unceasingly, hands clutching at his holder back, who held him in silence. Perhaps these tears will help wash the blood out. He pressed his head against his friend chest, hoping that those heartbeats will soothe him down just like the patting in his back do. There is a static in his head once more, the side effect of this constant fear, constant stress he lives with. He hears his own sounds, like a distressed child, raw from the inside. It takes something out of him he didnt know he had left to give. That's the way it is when people are hard. It's like a theft of the spirit, an injury no other person can see. Rob held him in silence, rocking him slowly as the tears soaked his chest, a tiny lapse let jim pull away, blinking lashes heavy with tears, before he collapse again, his howls of misery worsening. The pain must have come in waves, minutes of sobbing broken apart by short pauses for recovering breaths, before hurling him back into the outstretched arms of his grief.

" Shhhhhhhh.....Shhhhhh.....its alright jim.....you are here with me....in my arms you will be safe.....you are safe now.....you are safe...."

Just a few more minutes and jim was done, he now really feels better, he feela.....safe....a feeling he didnt encounter for such a long time ago, in Rob arms all his troubles have been washed away, how much can he be thankful to have him here with him? He lift his head after that break down to look at the script writer in gratitude, trying to find the right words to say, But before he do rob placed his hands on jim shoulders, making jim back stright, rob stared for momebt into his eyes.

" Now I want you to take a breathe and, inhale.....exhale....inhale....exhale" jim was taking deep breathes after rob. feeling the remaining weigh of stress go away.

" Now I want you to repeat after me..... My name is jim gooder. " " M-My name is j-jim gooder....." " I am a talented storyboarder. " "I-I am a t-talented storyboarder......" " and I have many friends who are by my side." " a-and I have m-many friends who are by m-my side....." jim stopped for a moment, he felt that he was a new person now, like he was reborn again. While rob gave him a friendly smile, feeling so happy for his dear soulmate recovery.

[irrelevant-ghost]

i wanna know your story

I guess it is time to tell everyone what I’ve been through so farWhen I was in elementary school I was a much more social kid. I’d talk to other kids, play with other kids, hang out with other kids. Though, the boys started to bully me around third grade and in fifth the girls followed. It bothered me when it happened and then I forgot about it, but after it recurring so many times i started to get a little... I guess reserved. Sixth grade is what set it off. I like a boy and being the stupid kid I was, I wrote notes in cursive saying “I love you” and what not. After a couple notes I said who I was, and he showed his friends and our teacher. The teacher had a talk with me and I was basically the laughing stalk for the rest of the year. The summer after sixth grade I met some friends on minecraft and they basically became my life.Seventh grade moved around. A new school with new people and less friends. My elementary went up to sixth grade and ours was the only one where the kids split up to different middle schools. Things started off okay. Made a few friends in my homeroom, a class or two, and met my best friend in lunch because of a Homestuck shirt I was wearing (we jumped up and down like two idiots). One of my first friends online became my girlfriend and we loved the hell out of each other. Though, as the year went on my depression and anxiety started to form. I started to feel as if everyone was judging me and talking about me behind my back. I felt alone and secluded. It felt like everyone hated me. My online friends and my new best friend were the only ones that really knew, though my best friend knew much little than the ones online. My girlfriend comforted me and one of the main ways she tried making me feel better was by being sexual. Had some more breakdowns, friend breakups and friend makeups. This year was when I first discovered cutting. I just didn’t feel like being in school nor being alive. I barely changed my clothes, hid my cuts with long sleeves and jackets even if it was getting warm out. It was bad.The summer after seventh was more of hell than anything. I thought I was trans then. This caused my girlfriend to lose her shit and she didn’t know what to do. My other online friends yelled at me and treated me like shit. I cut more, this time my thighs as well. My relationships started to become toxic. All me and my girlfriend did was have online sex at this point and my whole life revolved around them. I couldn’t see who they truly were. Eight grade rolled around. Still barely changed my clothes and my reactions to school were worse. I kept breaking down and barely did my work. My mom sent me to therapy. She didn’t know I felt like I was trans but it worked out in more than one way. My therapist helped me express things and explain things, trying to react in more reasonable ways. People in school judged me since I dressed like a guy now. Guys from my elementary school started poking fun at me, especially one in particular. It was the worst year I think.Summer of ninth came around, I realized I wasn’t trans making my friends flip out again. Before the summer though, I broke up with my girlfriend. Even though we broke up we still did things. She came over during the summer and all we did was fuck. I regret giving away both of my firsts to her so fucking much. Ninth grade came around and this year was the beginning of me. It started off horrible but I learned I had ADD and got an IEP in school for that and my social anxiety. I loved the teacher and the course. It helped me tremendously. I got my first ever honor role because of it. Though I did get this help, I started to get derealization episodes. It scared me but somehow I like it at the same time. Getting close to the end of the year me and my online friends had some fort of falling out. They were being absolute dicks and did me and my friends wrong. They ignored me when I tried apologizing (even though I shouldn’t have). I learned they ignored me in school and I had an utter break down. Somehow we made up and became friends again. My ex got a boyfriend which I had the worst feeling about. I absolutely hated him and everyone told me to get the stick out of my ass and learn that he’s actually nice person. I did, eventually. But later on oh did his true colors shine through. Nice person my ass.Soooooo much happened in the summer after ninth. First off, I GOT MEDS. They helped so fucking much. I also left therapy since I felt I didn’t need it anymore. I left my online friend group and joined my new main group. The people were so much nicer and I loved each and every one of them. They were fucking hilarious and amazing (they were all guys but I love having guy friends since I can do stupid shit like arm fart and also play games). Tenth grade came into play. Finally in High school. I was so much better. I was myself, I made a bunch of new friends, I did my work. I was happy. Though I was happy, I got depression spells. My worst one started with the death of Lil peep (RIP peep) and during the winter because of SAD (seasonal effective disorder). My ex came back into my life and I did some regretful things(by the way, because of my ex’s tendency for sex, it’s fucked me up). Other than that, I realized who her boyfriend was and who she became but she did not. She never listened to any of us even though we kept telling her to fucking break up with him. She became a worse person and I officially cut my ties with her. If she wants to ruin her life, she can. Follow the same path as your mother and screw up your life I guess. She’s been with him for about three years even though he’s human dirt. So is she though. I’m not saying many details cause i’d rather not about that stuff.School is out now, three months before junior year. I wonder how it will be and how the rest of high school will be.

[perfectirishgifts]

Q&A: Noah Cyrus On Her Grammy Nomination, Advice From John Mayer, The Influence Of Bob Dylan

New Post has been published on https://perfectirishgifts.com/qa-noah-cyrus-on-her-grammy-nomination-advice-from-john-mayer-the-influence-of-bob-dylan/

Q&A: Noah Cyrus On Her Grammy Nomination, Advice From John Mayer, The Influence Of Bob Dylan

Singer/songwriter Noah Cyrus has had a breakout 2020, culminating in a Grammy nomination for Best … [] New Artist.

As I wrote about in my year-end honors, a famous last name is both a blessing and a curse. It brings instant recognition and opportunity, but it also often brings unreasonable expectations and preconceived notions.

I say this as someone who has interviewed Julian and Sean Lennon, Jakob Dylan, Wolfgang Van Halen, artists whose surnames are music royalty. So when your last name is Cyrus and your dad, Billy Ray, has been involved in two of the biggest pop songs of the last 30 years — “Achy Breaky Heart” and “Old Town Road” (the remix with Lil Nas X) — and your sister is Miley Cyrus, one of the most iconic pop stars in the world — people are both going to pay attention and think they know you.

If all you know of Noah Cyrus is her famous last name, then you know nothing of the 2021 Grammy Best New Artist nominee. Noah Cyrus is unequivocally her own artist musically. She is a stunning singer/songwriter whose depth and songs on The End Of Everything EP not only belie her age of 20, but would be impressive for an artist twice her age. And she shows on her surprise new single, “All Three,” out today, the aching beauty of The End Of Everything is just the beginning.

Talk to Cyrus, as I did for an hour, and it is clear where that depth comes from. Her vast musical knowledge, which she does credit in part to her father, takes her from the forgotten 1970s classic “Seasons In The Sun” to Bob Dylan, Ben Howard and fellow Best New Artist nominees like Megan Thee Stallion and Dojo Cat.

This is a unique artist, who even before her Grammy nominee, had earned the praise and support of acts like John Mayer for good reason. I spoke with Cyrus about her Grammy nomination, what it means to her, how Dylan is influencing her future music, her love of sad songs and much, much more.

Steve Baltin: Have you gotten used to the Grammy nomination yet?

Noah Cyrus: This is still so unreal to me. So whenever my name and Grammys is in same sentence it doesn’t seem real to me.

Baltin: Maybe it doesn’t become real until you get to the actual show?

Cyrus: I honestly don’t know because I’ve never had an experience like this. I was in my best friend’s apartment in New York and she’s like, “I’m psychic, I’m psychic, I woke up at just the right time.” My phone was ringing and my manager was calling on FaceTime. When I answered the phone it was a group FaceTime with my mom and [my manager]. And I was like, “Oh, what did I do? (Laughs) What’s wrong?” And my mom looked so emotional. And she goes, “Can I say it? You’re nominated for a Grammy.” I was still waking up and it took me a minute or two, I just couldn’t stop crying. I kept asking, “Really? I’m nominated for a Grammy?” It was such a different feeling than I would ever expect it to be. It was way better, way more rewarding.

Baltin: You are in there with such great and diverse talent too.

Cyrus: Honestly the entire list is so incredible. Phoebe [Bridgers] is obviously incredible, Megan and Dojo have taken this year by storm. And so I think another reason why I was so thrilled with gratitude, not only of the nomination of course, but to see my name next to some of the most amazing female musicians and musicians that are also being recognized as this year’s Best New Artist, these are people that I listen to. I’m singing “WAP” in my car every single day. That’s the most empowering song for a woman. Say So” I know the whole dance. So I’m completely filled with gratitude that I’m in the same category with the artists that I am.

Baltin: Though you have gotten endorsements from some cool people, including John Mayer.

Cyrus: I was at a party and John came up and told me that “July” was one of his favorite songs. I couldn’t believe someone I’ve idolized for so long even heard my music let alone appreciated it.

Baltin: So what did that mean to you and does it give you more confidence as an artist going forward?

Cyrus: It was totally a moment that felt like you were in a dream, just because you idolized somebody from such a young age. When he came up to me and told me he loved “July” it came with so much more than just, “I love your song.” It was, “Remember to appreciate that song and the good that song brings and to keep creating songs like that.” I think about what he said to me all the time. It was the best advice that I’ve probably ever gotten about my musical career. Probably the only time someone has actually sat and given me advice. People ask me all the time, “What’s the best advice your dad or Miley or anybody in your family has given you?” I’m like, “I don’t know, we don’t really sit around giving each other a bunch of advice.” The best advice I have gotten musically has been from John and it was to keep creating music that you’re gonna want to sing for the rest of your life. And he told me, “This is a song I love right now and people are gonna love 20 years from now. And that’s how you know you have a special record.” So I played him “I Got So High I Saw Jesus” before it came out and he had the same response. It was to keep creating records that you want to sing for the rest of your life. So I’ve got such a special bond with Peter Harding, who I made most of my EP with. We wrote “July,” “I Got So High I Saw Jesus,” “Young And Sad,” “The End Of Everything,” the title track of the EP. That’s one of my favorite songs I’ve ever written. I was sitting in my living room looking at the mountains with PJ and we were writing “The End Of Everything” and I showed him this video. It’ll blow your mind. My music video for “The End Of Everything,” I had the director, John Boswell, who made the video of the end of the universe, we shortened that video and that is the music video for “The End Of Everything” because that is what completely inspired that song. There was something that spoke to me a lot.

Baltin: The song felt very literary. Are you a big reader?

Cyrus: I definitely will be honest that I’m not the biggest reader. If I was to tell you that I’m a big reader right now my mom would be like, “Noah Lindsey Cyrus, you are the biggest liar on the earth.” (Laughs) I do visualize everything and things that I see open up my mind a lot more. And I’m also very poetic, I do like writing and reading poems. And I like telling a story, I’ve always been interested in the story. I want there to be within music you can almost see something, I want to paint the picture, I want there to be colors that you imagine, whatever the song means to you in your life, in your world, I want that to come to life in your brain and you to see it.

Baltin: What were those first songs when you were a kid that did that for you?

Cyrus: Well the very first song that I ever learned to sing was Terry Jacks’ “Seasons In The Sun.”

Baltin: That is one of my favorite songs of all time. And the back story on that is though it was a number one hit it’s been crucified as being cheesy and maudlin, until Nirvana covered it, then it was cool. Any chance you will ever cover it?

Cyrus: Dude, I promise you 1000 percent that my dad and I are going to put out a cover of that song. I promise you because my dad and I talk about that all the time. And I say to him, “You know that all of this is because you had me singing ‘Seasons In The Sun.'” He would go out in the gym and work out and play that and “Hooked On A Feeling” [Blue Swede] over and over. Those were my two favorite songs. But I remember “Seasons In The Sun,” that’s a really dark song for a child. And I’m talking like once I was talking I would sing it. Though I may not have understood at the time the exact wording of the song and what everything meant. But I remember feeling the sadness and feeling the emotion and the connection to it as a young child. And that’s something that always stuck out to me. But I remember knowing it was sad and I remember feeling it. And that’s something I love about Ben Howard’s music. I could listen to Ben Howard play guitar and tears would come to my eyes because of the emotion within the instrument that he’s playing. And I that’s almost what happened with “Seasons In The Sun.” I was so into the music.

Baltin: When did you understand the message and depth of the song?

Cyrus: I always felt the sadness and I’ve always been one to gravitate towards sad songs. I like sad songs. My dad and mine’s song is Vern Gosdin “Is It Raining At Your House?” We always text each other whenever he’s in Nashville, “Is it raining at your house like it’s raining at mine?” And we’ll text each other, “Do you miss me like I miss you?” And we’ll text the lyrics to each other. But I had to have been around five or six because my grandpa had passed away around that time, my dad’s dad. And I started understanding the words. I think I remember him saying the words, “Goodbye, Michelle, my little one.” And I think I started to understand this song was about him dying and about death, which made me appreciate my dad even more when we were singing it. This song actually kind of helped shape me as a kid, just a young kid. I really learned to appreciate my family end everybody. That’s my earliest memory of a song. Every time somebody says, “What’s your first song?” I always say, “Well, Billy Ray Cyrus.” But really it had to have been “Seasons In The Sun.” I swear there hasn’t been one year in my life I haven’t spoken about or sung this song.

Baltin: You say it shaped everything. So how do you hear that influence in your music?

Cyrus: Absolutely, when I say it shaped me, that’s no exaggeration. I’ve really been listening to that song since I was a little kid and I think that’s why I’m not afraid to write music that hurts. And The End Of Everything EP it hurts to listen to, it hurts me to listen to. But death is something I was afraid of and I’m starting to get less afraid because I just lost my grandma. I’m starting to get less afraid because I get to reunite with my family again and that’s something that doesn’t scare me anymore. The reason I said it shaped it me was because it made me sing and write songs and talk about things that were uncomfortable or really dark. Sometimes I’ll be writing with people and they’re like, “That’s dark.” But I’m like, “It’s not too dark.” I have a song where PJ and I wrote the lyrics, “Living fast and dying slowly/Just two cold and lonely bodies, nothing more.” That’s not in any of my songs that are out now, but that lyric is just about co-existing with somebody and not existing together. You’re just next to each other and you’ve grown cold and you’ve grown distant. Somebody was like, “Is that a little too dark?” And I was like, “No.”

Baltin: What is your saddest song?

Cyrus: One is “Don’t Think Twice, It’s Alright.” There’s something about it. It’s the best song ever, man. I’m a huge Dylan fan and he’s inspired a lot of my up and coming music that’s soon to come that I’ve written with Peter Harding. And I’m really excited. Bob Dylan was one of the biggest inspirations for my up and coming music.

Baltin: So when you say up and coming music what is the timeline for that?

Cyrus: I’m excited because there’s some stuff I haven’t announced yet. But I do have a new single coming December 11 and I think it’s just gonna start a whole new chapter. I have a lot of things for next year I’m just excited about, my own album and more. Man, I’ve just been making music and I love making it. And that brings me back to exactly what John told me to do, to create music you love making and you’ll love it forever. You’ll never get tired of singing it, no one will get tired of hearing it.

Baltin: As a Dylan fan I have to ask since there are so many eras of Dylan music, what period of Dylan is influencing the new music?

Cyrus: He’s definitely diverse, which I’m diverse as an artist. So I wouldn’t say there’s a specific Dylan era. I was extremely inspired by Slow Train Coming, but I wouldn’t want to pinpoint it to one because I’m such a Dylan fan overall. But whenever you say that I literally look over to my right to my desktop and I have the screenshot of Slow Train Coming and it was something I was listening to. I sent it over to PJ months ago and it’s crazy we’re having this conversation now.

Baltin: Are there artists you admire for the way they mix music and social activism?

Cyrus: Yes, Chance The Rapper, I was just talking about this. I admire Chance The Rapper so much for all the charity work he does, everything he posts about. You’re always seeing Chance The Rapper doing something and giving back. And that was somebody who inspired me and made me want to do the same. That’s why you publicize that you’re doing things, so you inspire other people to do the same to speak up and work harder to protect people, give back to your community. And Chance The Rapper has done an amazing job at doing that.

Baltin: Who is your dream Grammy duet?

Cyrus: I always say my dream person to perform with or sing with is Alex Turner, always. I saw him live and it changed my life. Same with Ben Howard and Bon Iver. There were three concerts in my life that I’ve seen that took over me and everything stopped, just them and the stage. And that’s how I feel it should be.

From Hollywood & Entertainment in Perfectirishgifts

[mandareeboo]

For the latest ask prompt : 2, 3, 10, 18, 24 and 34, please.

Of course! =)

2: one of your favorite comments/reviews on this chapter/verse?

Just one? Jeez, I dunno if I can. I keep all of my favorite comments and save them. I guess the kind that get me the most are ones about how I’ve convened actual emotion.

Things like “I’m actually sobbing!” or “You actually managed to make my angry/sad/afraid for the characters” are super important to me, because I’ve done my job.

3: what motivates you?

My family, I suppose. They’ve always been supportive of me and what I want to make of my life.

10: any writing advice?

Keep up the little ideas in your head! They can make up important parts of your story later. 

Little story bits are what build half of It Starts off Small. Like, for example, Amethyst and Steven watching wrestling together.

18: any fanmixes you’ve made for this fic/verse?

Nope! I’ve never made any of those, though some of my fanfics have like theme songs, if that makes sense? Ashes and Blood had “Say Something” by A Great Big World (Ft. Christian Aguilera). The tongue-in-cheek theme song for Teen!Delinquent AU is “I Can’t Decide” by Scissor Sisters. It Starts off Small drew from a bunch of different songs for the tempos and beats and such, but the actual theme could probably be attributed to “Missing You” by All Time Low.

Then there’s actual character songs. A good one I found recently is “Above the Clouds of Pompeii” by Bear’s Den, which works for the Crystal Gems. Steven is “King” by Lauren Aquilina, Amethyst is “Secrets” by Mary Lambert, Pearl has “Flowers for a Ghost” by Thriving Ivory, and so on. They’re not the only songs I attribute to them, but they’re the ones I see them shine in the strongest?

24: do you outline?

I do in my head! I don’t start writing a ‘fic without at least a vague grasp of what I want for a beginning, middle, and end.

34: a scene/paragraph you wrote that you’re proud of (I have a lot of these and you gave me the chance to brag sorry not sorry)

Amethyst’s shoulders hunch defensively. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You always do this,” Steven accused, but there was no real heat to his words, arms outstretched. “You say you’re okay, when really you’re not, and then you let the hurt eat at you for as long as you can. The next thing we know, we’ll be fighting about this thirty years from now. I’d rather you be mad at me than have you lie to me.”

“It’s a better plan than being angry!” The purple Gem returned, her face becoming blanker and blanker. Steven can tell she’s beginning to shut down. “What do you want me to do? Growl every time you come near me? I’m supposed to be the adult here!”

“That’s never stopped you before!”

“Well, maybe it should have!”

“You can’t just pretend you’re responsible whenever it suits you!”

“Amethyst,” Garnet warns. “Steven.”

“What?” Amethyst challenges. “You told us to talk it out. Well, this is how we talk things through!”

(It Starts off Small)

…

“‘Course. I think all that lying around gave me welts.” His grip on her arm tightened, but compared to the man she knew it was feeble. “Hey. You’re an idiot.”

“Thanks.” She responded with a mostly dry tone. It sounded almost like the boss she once had.

“No, really. You are. You’ve been lil’ miss therapist this entire time. It’s just not you.”

“There’s nothing wrong with that.”

He grunted. “A conman knows all the tricks,” Stan warned her with a wheeze. “You think if you ignore the pain it’ll go away. Well, that’s stupid. And it never works.”

(They Lie When They say it’s Bittersweet)

…

“Yes. There’s always tomorrow, as long as you don’t die tonight.”

(Distant Lights Darken Dreams)

…

Slowly her features became more discernible. Wild rainbow hair, proud eyes, the broad shoulders and large hands. She’s what Steven has been taught from a young age is beautiful; someone strong and brave, comfortable in body and powerful in heart.

It was gems like Bismuth and Rose who shaped the war. It was gems like Garnet and Pearl who fought and supplied it. Gems like Amethyst- who is somehow considered defective even though she has all her wits about her- who can live because of it.

Steven wished he had her resolve, her willpower. He’s glad he doesn’t.

(Nightly Torment) 

…

“Is it possible to, I dunno, love yourself but not at the same time?”

“No clue. Hand me that stem.”

Steven did so. “I mean, I love being me. A lot. But I’m not her.”

(Flower Crowns)

…

Because if there’s one thing Steven knows about Rose Quartz, one thing he knows better and more clearly than anything else: it’s that if there’s one thing his mother had done during her thousands of years of existence, it’s cause his family pain.

And he’s not sure he can ever forgive her for that.

(Primal Knowledge) 

…

“She’s happy this way. You can tell. Just look at how she stands.”

(Stance)

…

She hoped, for the sake of avenging every fallen soldier, that Bismuth’s last moments would be filled with agony. She wanted to feel every little piece of her gem as it flew through the air and sunk into the boiling rock.

She wanted proof that every single one of those Homeworld gems would have to feel it.

(Termination Anxiety)

[selfinsertmermaid]

I wrote a (probably way too detailed) outline of a Little Mermaid AU and of course had to draw it, because mermaids, man

(au under the cut if anyone’s interested) ((friendly warning that this is not Serious Writing and I cursed a lot))

Diana is the princess of an underwater mermaid kingdom called Themyscira or Paradise, the names are p much interchangeable so whatever. Themysciran mermaids are Magic so they used to magic themselves up some legs and hang out with humans, but the humans wanted the Magic and there was fightin and the mermaids got mad and retreated to their kingdom and getting legs was Banned.

Even though everyone disapproves, Diana likes to go up to the surface, not really out of curiosity for humans but bc she likes looking and the sky and it's kinda hard to see the sky from the bottom of the ocean. I'm a human princess (random human would've been more accurate but i'll be a fuckin princess if i wanna) on a ship for whatever reason and one night when Diana goes to the surface Shit Goes Down and she watches the boat start to sink.

A lot of the sailors and passengers make it to the lifeboats but I'm knocked off the boat and into the water, and Diana of course is like "hell no im not gonna let someone die".  So she swims and swims and brings me up to the surface, but there's still a storm and its bad and it's too far from any shore to risk trying to swim to land with me in tow. She decides to heck with the rules, uses a Magic Kiss (!!!) to let me breathe underwater, and brings me back to Themyscira.

 After the Magic Kiss I wake up and am amazed bc mother fuckin magic underwater mermaid kingdom right but all the mermaids are like “shit, a human, someone’s gotta take her back to the Human World”, so there’s this competition to see who is worthy of being the mermaids’ Champion. (This is basically a mix of Wonder Woman’s origin story, w/ me replacing Steve Trevor, and the Little Mermaid.) Anyway Diana’s not allowed to compete but we spent a bunch of time together and she wants to be the one to take me home, and see more of the world along the way.

So Diana wears a mask and enters the competition, wins, and reveals herself to the Queen (her mom) and the Queen’s like “fuck I told you not to but that was impressive so i guess you can go. I’m not mad jus disappointed.” So Diana and I get to basically take a Magic Underwater Roadtrip, except we’re swimming the entire way so it takes awhile oops. And we’re just. Fallin in love along the way.

I guess they decided it’d be okay to give me a mermaid tail so the trip goes faster, since humans can’t swim anywhere near as fast as a fricking mermaid ofc, and also I just,,, want to be a mermaid at least for a lil bit.

Anyway so we get to my kingdom and on the shore I get my legs back n Diana and I look at each other like…I guess this is goodbye? Except we really don’t want it to be. So I suggest that, before she goes, I show her around my kingdom, like as a token of my gratitude and all that. Diana magics herself up a pair of legs and I introduce her to the royal court as my savior and protector. We spend even more time with each other, we’re super in love, but Diana holds back from making a move bc she knows her duty is to Themyscira and I hold back from making a move bc I’m shy af.

So to introduce some plot, this woman, let’s call her Minerva, witnessed Diana doing Magic on the beach with me, so she steals some magical objects Diana keeps in her room and tries to use them. The problem is that she’s a terrible person so even though she can use magic now, Magical Karma decides that she will also be cursed to turn into a monster cheetah person. Like Ursula however she can use her magic to turn herself pretty again for a short amount of time, and she uses this skill and other magic to start climbing her way to the top of the royal court.

Minerva hypnotizes me into thinking I’m in love with her and not Diana, but it causes a huge behavioral shift and Diana’s like “WTF that’s not right.” She realizes some of her magical stuff has been stolen and connects the dots, and then tries to tell me except I’m still hypnotized so I don’t listen. Suddenly I’m about to get married to this woman I barely know, and Diana’s like oh fucking HELL no and tries to find all the magic stuff Minerva stole except the only one she knows about is this one magic necklace, which Minerva happens to wear a la Ursula. Diana interrupts the ceremony and rips away the necklace and crushes it, which takes away all Minerva’s magic and turns her back into her cursed cheetah monster self.  Then there’s a huge (cat)fight between the two of them, and ofc Diana wins bc she’s Strong and Magical.

So that’s over, and after I thank her for saving me Diana’s like “Kenzie…I have to go now. Magic is too dangerous for this world.” And I’m like “fuck please don’t leave I really like you.” But the problem is Diana was always going to leave, because she’s the only princess of Themyscira, and I have to stay because I’m the oldest and therefore the Crown Princess of my kingdom, and I don’t want to force my younger siblings to take over my responsibilities.

ANGST ALERT before Diana leaves I work up the nerve to finally kiss her, except its a goodbye kiss so its all sads, and then Diana swims back to Themyscira and is. Gone. We’re both miserable and tbqh if this was reall life my mental health would’ve been out the fucking window but it’s not so we’re gonna pretend that it’s just normal ‘missing you’ sadness. It lasts for a long time.

BUT THEN Diana realizes that there were other magical objects missing, and that they’re still on land in my kingdom, and she goes to the Queen/her mom, and the Queen is like “Diana I love you and I know you’re unhappy now so I will let you go to the surface to retrieve the magical items, and you can also stay there with the human princess with my blessing. I’m basically immortal anyway so it’s not like you need to take my place anytime soon.”  Then Diana comes back and REUNION SMOOCHES and there are some Magical Adventures collecting the other magic stuff Minerva stole and hid all over the place, and non-shitty people getting to learn magic bc Magic, but mostly it’s just Good Times loving each other. 

Epilogue, eventually we get married and adopt children and become Queen and Queen Consort (or Princess Consort, or whatever sounds better).  And they all live happily ever after, The End.

[zacknano17]

Day 13: words 24,110 - 26,180

In which, Zack absolutely could not be bothered to think about his main idea, so instead he wrote down the concept for another idea and started a third idea to get his 2k words in today.

i.e. This has nothing to do with the shit's that's already been posted here.  Sorry.

Story Concept: Daddy Taako

people have been talking about lup and barry having a kid in the 2 years they spent on faerun before lup disappeared, and i suddenly had the urge to rewrite the entire story with taako raising this pair of half elf twins that he thinks are his cause they look like him, but he has no idea who the other parent is.

like, it's a work in progress because i cannot imagine barry would have had taako kill him when he started forgetting lup if he had two lil babies waiting for him, but just hear me out.

imagine sizzle it up with taako & family, with these two little kids hamming it up as much as taako does.  imagine one of them almost eating the poisoned chicken, and taako manages to stop them at the last second, vowing right then and there that he will never, ever feed these kids his cooking again.  taako still never settles down in an actual house, so he ends up with a pair of street savvy caravan kids good at making themselves useful and better at picking pockets.

taako is extremely protective of these kids, trying very hard to always be there if something happens, but also teaching them how to look out for themselves.  he teaches them to rely on each other, because he knows how terrible it is to grow up all alone.  he teaches them to protect themselves and each other first, to not be ashamed to run away from danger, even if others (him) need help.  he teaches them survival.

they're ten when he takes the job in phandalin, and he leaves them in an inn in neverwinter.  even with the gauntlet in his bag, he refuses to leave without his things from the inn, much to killian's annoyance. (her annoyance dissolves when taako leaves the inn with a pair of angel faced pre-teens trailing behind him.)

imagine lucretia's joy when she sees these children with their uncle, growing up strong and bright, and imagine her contrasting sorrow when she realizes these children have no knowledge of their biological parents.  at least, she thinks, they were raised by family, and there's no doubt that these children are loved.  at least, she thinks, taako didn't end up on his own.

magnus adores the kids and brings them trinkets and toys from every place they visit.  he carves them wooden animals whenever they ask and regales them with stories and tall tales about his travels.  merle pretends he doesn't like them but always seems to have sweets for them stuffed in his pockets.  he is surprisingly patient with them, and they almost immediately see through his teasing.

and for his part, taako is still taako, but he's got more compassion.  he doesn't hesitate to show his children love and affection, although he is private about it.  he is still slow to trust -- possibly slower, now, because he has more to lose.  but he isn't the aloof, uncaring persona he wears in canon.  he doesn't let people in easily and he no longer is desperate for validation from his peers.  he is more patient, but only for those he is close to.

the children become the darlings of the bureau, befriending nearly everyone with their charm and pretty faces.  they become very good at getting what they want, although the first time they try to pick carey's pocket, they get a lesson in when it's acceptable to do so (and some tips on how to be more subtle).  the twins are angus' first friends.  (they pick on him as much as their father does.)  magic lessons are for three now instead of one, although the twins already know the basics.  they know how to protect themselves.

as it turns out, the umbra staff is as protective of the twins as it is of taako.  it even rolls to either of the children on occasion, when it would normally roll towards taako.

taako doesn't make macarons for candle nights.  he's too careful, has too much to lose.  but when he finds out what sazed did, and after he buys the no-sodium salt shaker, he relents.  he isn't going to be a famous chef anymore -- that ship has sailed, and he's found something else he's good at anyway.  he stays up late and bakes the twins' favorite cake while everyone else is asleep.  he has neglected to bake a cake for too many birthdays now.

the twins are ecstatic.  it's been a long while since dad cooked anything, but they clearly remember that his food is always better than anyone else's.

taako still goes on a date to the chug & squeeze.  it's a little extra awkward.  most people wouldn't want to date a single dad.  but the grim reaper isn't very much like most people.  i'm afraid no one else will have me, is not said in this reality.  instead, i don't think there's a safer place in the world for my kids. in the end, it means the same thing.

barry knows where his children are -- he tracked them down as a lich, because how could he not?  i imagine that whatever the scenario is that led to taako being the one to raise them, barry never, ever meant to leave them alone.  barry knows, but it still kills him a little bit when the pair of liches in wonderland try to take some of taako's memories of their childhood.  

(taako refuses.  losing his beauty is nothing compared to losing anything of his children.)

in this world, taako is not so eager to quit the bureau.  he will go with magnus and the red robe, but only if they can promise to help him get the kids out of there.  the red robe has no real face to speak of, but the earnestness and sadness radiate from him when he replies, “seeing those children get hurt is the last thing i want.”

eventually, they all remember.  the twins taako has raised as his own aren't strictly his, but they sit on either side of him and steadfastly hold his hands in the director's inner chambers as she helps him and merle and magnus remember.  they learn of their origin at the same time taako does.

they are there when the hunger attacks, when taako understands where lup is, when he snaps the umbra staff over his knee.  and they feel the glow and warmth of a maternal love they haven't felt in ten long years as the flames encircle them but do not harm them.

they are supposed to hide during the fight against the hunger.  they do not.  they fight alongside their biological parents (and they know all of their story now, thanks to fisher and junior).  when taako comes back through the portal, he sees them for a split second, their eyes bright and their wands at the ready, with lup on one side and barry on the other, and he thinks about himself and lup when they were kids.

he wants to stay, and he wants to protect them, because that's all he ever wants.  because they were always the most important people to him.

but, he thinks, they're all right now.  he thinks, they've got someone else to protect them.  he thinks, even if he doesn't make it back, the twins will be okay.  he is needed elsewhere right now.

he does make it back.  somehow, everyone does.  he hugs the kids for a half an hour and won't even let barry or lup near them.

he still doesn't ever forgive lucretia for taking lup away from him.  he thinks that these children would have grown up better surrounded by the family they've made, even if their mother was absent.  he thinks that barry, at least, should have been able to be a part of these children's lives.  but the open animosity is not as ever present here.  his life has not been terrible, and part of lup never left him anyway.

things do get a little weird.  the twins do not stop calling taako 'dad.' instead, they adopt barry as 'papa.'  magnus punches people who have a problem with the arrangement.  not many people do.

some might think it would raise a problem, that taako would have to give the children back, or that lup and barry would have to give up their children.  those who think that don't know them very well.  taako doesn't intend to leave lup's side ever again, so the children are collectively theirs.  magnus builds them a house with plenty of room for five.

eventually, kravitz moves in too.  the kids call him 'father,' mostly because it's funny to watch his face when they say it.

Story #2: The One Where Taako Dates Magnus And Julia Doesn’t Die (OT3)

Generally speaking, Taako did not travel back to places he had already been, just as a general rule.  Hop a caravan, do some fast talking, catch a few easy jobs, nap in a cheap room at the tavern for a few nights, and find a new caravan.  It was simple and easy, and he hardly had to worry about being recognized.  That was the plan, anyway.

It was just that things didn't always go according to plan.

Like when the caravan he was on got attacked by bandits.  Taako hadn't been hired on as a bodyguard, nor did he really have the wizard skills to do much in the way of fighting, yet.  He was still working on mastering his cantrips.  Sure, dazzle the bandits with some pretty lights.  That didn't help much.  He had hid with the cargo while mentally planning his best route of escape if the hired mercenaries weren't able to keep the caravan.

It was just after dusk, so it would be a good time to run if he had to.  His darkvision was pretty good, and if the attackers were all humans or halflings or gnomes, he was probably good to go.  The only issue with that was that he was in the middle of nowhere, with no idea where the nearest village was.  Out this direction, one could wander for miles without finding anything.

They shouldn't be far from the sea, though, and there were always bunches of fishing villages by the ocean.  He had a vague idea of the direction of the coast, and he'd rather die starving to death than risk being taken by slave traders or something.

He quickly slipped his bag over his shoulders and adjusted his cloak, glad for once that he could only afford a boring, dull color for one.  With any luck, it would blend in with the grass a little bit and afford him some cover. He clutched his wand tightly to his chest, well aware that the spells he had bothered memorizing weren't going to help him much out here.

The sounds of fighting were getting closer to the back of the caravan.  If he was going to make a break for it, now was probably the time.  He slid soundlessly out the back of the wagon, wary of the sound of metal against metal.

He failed to account for the idea that not all of the bandits were fighting.  He almost ran straight into a rogue who was using the wagon for cover.

To his credit, the rogue was as surprised as he was.  To the rogue's credit, she recovered first.

Taako flinched back as her knife sliced into his left arm, blood splattering across his shirt.  He reacted quickly, shoving his wand at her and shooting a bunch of multicolored sparks into her face.  They weren't damaging, but she didn't expect it, and he used the opportunity to turn on his heel and run.

Stealth was never his strong suit, but surely, they had better things to do than to hunt down a single runner, right?  Besides, it was getting dark, and he couldn't stand out too much.  He was probably worthless to these marauders.

But maybe one of them wanted target practice.  An arrow whizzed by his head.  He didn't even bother looking back.  He just changed his trajectory slightly and ran faster.  The second arrow did not miss.  He staggered forward with a grunt of pain as this one sunk home in his right shoulder.  It hurt like hell, but it hadn't hit anything vital, he was pretty sure.

For now, all he could do was keep running.  Prestidigitation wasn't going to help him now.