#i’m also surprised by how quick. bc when i say quick i mean like 5-8 minutes it’s like miles himself took over

[milimeters-morales]

little look at this quick acau miles wip bc i’m surprised how happy he looks?? probably laughing at peter breaking his arm or smth

[serendipityseulgi]

8 Ways of Love;

— park seonghwa

according to the ancient greeks, there are eight different types of love. here is:

･*:༅｡ the one known as pragma, the enduring love.

aka, the kind of love that matures and develops over a long period of time, and somewhat rare to find. 

8 ways of love series; version i

A love story that shows the progression of yours and seongwha’s relationship from the moment you two become friends, to lovers, to exes, and everything else in between. 

love catalyst: the subconscious.

At the age of six years old you declare Park Seonghwa to be your boyfriend, solidifying your “relationship” with a hug.

“Eww, y/n, you have cooties!” your best friend barks, pushing you off him.

“Wha- hey no I don’t!” you squeak.

“Yes you do because Mingi told all the boys not to touch the girls because they have a disease and it’s going to eat our bodies alive!” he practically screeches getting up from the sandbox about to walk away from you.

“Seonghwaaa he’s lying!” you whine out and he huffs turning around to face you.

“Well all the other boys are listening to him so he has to be right.” 

“Well I touched you yesterday when we were playing tag and you’re fine!” you defend. “And if all girls have cooties then how come your mommy still hugs and kisses you goodbye in the morning? Wouldn’t you be dead now?”

Even at the age of 6 you were the biggest smartass Seonghwa knew.

After a moment of deliberation, he sighs. “Okay fine, you’re right.” your friend huffs. 

“So are you gonna back so we can play again?” you ask, arms crossed over your little body. 

Seonghwa nods before grabbing onto your hand to drag you back into the sandbox. 

The two of you return to making your sandcastle and it’s only a mere two minutes later does your friend speak up.“Am I actually your boyfriend now?” he asks suddenly and you whip your head towards him.

“Well I hugged you so yeah.” you roll your eyes at him and his soft little laugh makes your tiny heart jump.

Within the next week you two forget you’re “boyfriend-and-girlfriend” and go back to being the best friends you’ve always been, playing in the sandbox after school, watching cartoons at your house, and never missing a single dinner together while your parents listen to the two of you talk your little heads off.

For the record, there wasn’t much of a difference in your so-called relationship and your friendship in the first place when you were just six years old.

 At thirteen years old, your best friend confesses he likes you.

“Okay I know this is weird because, I should see you as like, a sister or something, I don’t know!” Seonghwa rants, pacing back and forth in your bedroom as you watch him frantically explain the way he feels about you.

“You know what I mean though? You’re like, practically family to me! Right? Right...” you figure he’s talking more to himself than to you as he asks himself questions that he’s quick to answer to. “Like you’re probably gonna think I’m weird or something, but you are my best friend and I don’t want it to be weird-”

“Seonghwa for the love of god can you just get to your point.” you interrupt impatiently.

“I like you okay?” he says quietly, avoiding all eye contact with you. 

His heart is beating so fast he feels like it’s actually going to rip right through his chest. He’s never been nervous around you ever. You’re his best friend, and you have been since you were 5 years old, and he doesn’t know why he suddenly feels like you’re the only girl he wants in his life. 

When he hears you laughing at him his heart drops to his stomach and he braces himself for the upcoming rejection.

“Can you come sit next to me.” you ask, gesturing to the empty spot on your bed. 

Seonghwa complies, yet his anxiety is rising by the second. He has never been so nervous in all the thirteen years he’s been alive. He almost wants to vomit as his stomach churns at the thought of you telling him you didn’t feel the same way.

“You’re rejecting me aren’t you...” he sighs, plopping down onto the spot next to you.

You shake your head with a smile. “No idiot, I like you too. Obviously.” you roll your eyes at him.

“Wait, what? Seriously??” he almost goes into shock. “Are you joking?”

“I mean, I thought it was pretty obvious.” you shrug. “I was throwing subtle signs at you for the longest time.”

“Like what?!” 

“Like the time I kept pestering you to take me to the Valentine’s Day dance, and when I made you hold my hand during that scary movie when you know I never get scared of horror films. Oh, and the time you kept badgering me about why I rejected Hongjoong for no good reason. I kept telling you that you were the only guy I needed in my life and you were too oblivious to realize I didn’t mean it in the friend way anymore.” you chuckle.

“Oh... Oh,” Seonghwa realizes. “I really am oblivious then.”

“It’s okay, I already knew you liked me back anyways.” you smirk at him, grabbing your remote off the bedside table.

You flip the TV on as you feel Seonghwa’s heavy gaze on you. “So does this mean you’re my girlfriend?” he asks you and you pause.

“I mean technically we never broke up when we were six so you’re basically just re-asking me out.” you tease, pulling the blankets on both your bodies as you settle on a show to watch.

“Oh god, you still remember that?” 

Of course you do. 

“Obviously, how could I forget you screaming to the entire park that I had cooties.” 

He laughs at that and you can’t help but smile widely hearing him. You both lay comfortably next to one another, watching intently at the show in front of you, yet both your minds were racing at the fact that officially, you could say you were boyfriend and girlfriend. 

“So when did you start liking me?” he asks you. 

“Honestly, I think I always did.” you answer truthfully. “But, like actually realizing my feelings for you?” you pause for a moment to think. “I think it was when you got really sick that one time and your parents were away for a business trip, and my mom made me drop off soup to your house. And I was only supposed to drop off the soup but I took care of you because even when you were all snotty and gross and barely awake to hang out with me, I kinda just realized I’d rather spend my time with you doing that than anywhere else.”

His eyes soften at you. “Aww.”

“Buuut then before that, there was also that time that Ashley told you she liked you and I got super jealous and I was actually going to shove her into a brick wall, so ...I kinda just figured...” you add.

“Way to ruin a sappy moment, moron.” Seonghwa playfully shoves you and you laugh. 

You cuddle up next to him returning your attention back to the show in front of you. Only a few minutes pass before Seonghwa speaks up again, and his question catches you off guard.

“What if we break up... like eventually?” 

You think about it for a second. “Then we go back to being best friends.”

“That easy?”

“That easy.” you nod. 

“For the record though, I don’t ever want there to be a time where I don’t like you. I hope there isn’t.” he says.

“I hope there isn’t either.” you assure, and just like that, you two go back to watching tv.

You’ve always had a soft spot for Seonghwa so it never came as a surprise to you, or anybody for that matter when you figured out you had a little crush on your best friend. 

In a hypothetical situation, if somewhere along the way your feelings ever started to fade, you still couldn’t picture a life where he wasn’t right beside you no matter what. He was your person, and he has been since you two were five. There was nobody in this world that could replace the bond you had with him.

Even at the age of thirteen, you knew you wanted Seonghwa to be there for the rest of your life.

At the age of fourteen and a half, you and Seonghwa have your first ever fight where he conveniently declares that he loves you for the first time. 

seonghwa <3; received 4:24 pm

y/n can u not be like this and talk to me :( 

plsssssss

i’m sorry

can u let me come over and talk to u

Your phone continues to buzz as you stare at it beside you, rolling your eyes at his insistent messaging.

You try your best to ignore it but the continuous beeping irritates you to no end.

you; delivered 4:26 pm

no

i’m mad at u.

seonghwa <3; received 4:26 pm

:(

you; delivered 4:27 pm

can u like do smth with ur life instead of bothering me

seonghwa <3; received 4:27 pm

ouch.

Okay, you admit. That one was a low blow and for a second you almost feel bad until you’re reminded of the fact that you were still royally pissed at him.

you; delivered 4:28 pm

ur actually annoying

seonghwa <3; received 4:28 pm

ya ik i am

but yk what i’m not

someone who is going to do nothing about their gf being mad at them

so open ur window bc im climbing up so i can apologize

stop being a meanie and let me say sorry

Despite how mad you still are, your heart can’t help but skip a beat reading his messages. No matter how hard you wanted to stay angry at him and tell him to go away, you knew you wouldn’t be able to resist him even if you tried. Seonghwa was charming like that, always managing to sweet talk you in every way. 

You crack open your window and see his tuft of black hair climbing up your ladder. As he hops into your bedroom you fold your arms across your chest, not daring to say a word to him until he speaks first.

“Look, I’m sorry for being an ass earlier.” Seonghwa apologizes, and all you do is look at him. He sighs before continuing. “I was just having a bad day and took it out on you and I shouldn’t have blown up on you during class. I get it. Dick move.”

“But then you had to go and talk to Ashley about it?” you added. “That was like the worst part of it! Do you trust her more than me or something?”

“What? No! Of course not!” he panics. 

“You, and everyone else and their mother knows she’s like obsessed with you!” you shout in frustration. “She’s liked you for so long, do you know how stupid you made me look running off to her knowing how she feels about you?!”

“That wasn’t my intention-”

“Were you trying to make me mad?”

“No, y/n.”

“Did you do it to make me jealous?”

“No!”

“So why Seonghwa, did you have to go and vent to her after you yelled at me in front of everyone when all I did was try to help?”

“I don’t know, okay!”

“I just don’t understand why me of all people you had to take it out on. When all i’ve literally done for you for like the last ten freaking years of us being friends was listen to you when you had a bad day or try to cheer you up when you were down! Never once when I was feeling crappy did I take that out on you. Never.” you explain with a heavy sigh. 

“I’m sorry.” he doesn’t know what else to say because he knows he’s in the wrong. 

“Do you like her or something?” your voice is quiet and the hurt is evident. “Cause if you do just tell me.”

Seonghwa is quick to shut you down as he pulls you into his arms.

“No, no, no. Y/n, I don’t like her. I don’t. Please believe me.” he begs. “Look, I don’t know why I went to her when I should’ve gone to you. I couldn’t even begin to explain what was going through my head at that point because I don’t know. But I love you, okay? I would never, ever like Ashley.”

Your eyes widen and you pull away from him. “W-what did you just say?”

“I... um...” Seonghwa starts to fumble over his words because he didn’t exactly intend to tell you, but it sort of just came out and now he’s starting to panic.

“Do you mean it?” you ask.

He just nods, a little embarrassed at his sudden declaration.

“I love you too.” you say softly, and he relaxes.

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

"I’m really sorry, y/n.” he pulls you close to him, burying his face into your hair as he hugs you tightly.

“I’m sorry too.” you murmur against him.

“I hate fighting with you.” he mumbles.

“Me too.”

“I promise I’ll never take my anger out on you again. And I’ll never talk to Ashley again. And I’ll literally do whatever you want me to if it means you won’t stay mad at me because I don’t like it when you’re mad at me, and I hate making you sad.” he rambles and you let out a small chuckle.

“Just come lay down and watch Friends with me.”

“Okay.”

And you ultimately forget that you’re mad at Seonghwa because you decide that you can’t really stay mad at him after he tells you that he loves you. And although all is forgiven, he still decides to grovel for the next week as a reassurance that he really meant his apology.

So at fourteen years old, you have your first, and last fight with him.

At the age of sixteen, you celebrate your three year anniversary with Seonghwa, and decide you were ready to lose your virginity to him.

“Okay I know you said that the expensive dinner date was enough of a present for you, but you know me and always overdoing it....” he says behind you as you hear the crinkling of a bag behind you.

“Seonghwa...”

“Trust me, babe. You’re gonna love it.” he assures as he walks over to you.

Your eyes instantly fall onto the small red velvet box in his hands and your mouth falls open.

“This was expensive wasn’t it?” you pry and he shrugs.

“Maybe, but I was saving up for it for a while now.” he responds, sitting next to you as he hands you the box.

“I always feel bad every time you spend money on me.” you sigh as your fingers smooth over the velvet.

“I know but it was worth it, trust me. Open it.” Seonghwa urges.

You pull apart the bow and lift up the lid, your eyes widening in awe at the shiny ring placed inside. You lift it out gently noticing the small engraving on the inner part of the band, with both your initials and a small ‘i love you 4ever’ written underneath.

“Oh my god,” you utter. “I love it.” you place the ring on your finger.

“Good because I have a matching one too.” your boyfriend grins at you as he pulls out another box lined with a silver band with that very same engraving. 

You pull him in for a hug as he wraps his arms around you instinctively and all you can feel right now is an overload of gratitude for him. 

“I actually love you so much.” you say, pulling his face towards you to press soft kisses all over his face.

“Yeah, I know I’m the best,” Seongwha chuckles. “But I love you too baby.”

Your lips mould together perfectly, the kiss slow and soft at first. His hands wrap around your waist and your mouth moves gently against his. But soon enough you’re clinging to him and his body is pressed against yours, the kiss growing more needy and intense.

You knew when things started to get heavy he would stop the both of you from going further, never wanting to push you to discomfort. The furthest you had gone with one another was only third base, but it never went further than that and Seonghwa always left that decision up to you if you wanted to take it there.

You figure if you don’t speak up now, he was going to cut this short, so it’s only then at this very moment do you decide you wanted him to be your first.

“Do you want to have sex?” you blurt out suddenly and you swear you’ve never seen your boyfriend’s eyes go so wide before. 

He opens his mouth to speak but he can’t seem to find the right words to say. “I- um, wait, are you being for real?” he stutters. “I mean, I do want to, but, are you sure you want to?” he asks, still in disbelief from your question.

“Shit, sorry I know that was really sudden to ask, but I do want to.” you assure. “But only if you want to.”

“Of course I want to.” his eyes soften, and his hand finds yours in an instant delivering a comforting squeeze.

“Okay so come here and kiss me again please.” you say quietly.

And just like that, Seongwha’s soft lips land on yours once more. Without breaking apart he gently guides you to the head of his bed, laying you down underneath him as your bodies press up against each other.

You swear you can kiss Seongwha for hours and never grow tired of the feeling. You get drunk off his kisses, unable to think of anything else but him. It’s dizzying really, but you love it. You find that off all the things you love about him its his lips, and how impossibly soft they are and how familiar they feel against your own. How much comfort it would bring you, and how all you had to when you had a bad day was just kiss your boyfriend for however long he let you.

It felt like home.

His lips trailed lower to your neck, littering soft pecks across your skin. Quiet noises escape your lips and Seongwha can’t help but grind against your lower half. His hands travel across your body and the ache between your legs grows by the second, and the only thing you can think of is how much you love him, and need him.

Your mind kind of blurs because the next second you find yourself both naked and he’s fiddling in his drawer to find what you assumed to be a condom. He notices your curious stare as he opens his mouth to speak. “M-my dad told me to keep these in here,” Seongwha stutters. “He said to be prepared in case the time comes, and well, here’s the time I guess.” he laughs lightheartedly and the very sound makes your heart swell. 

“Nice call on Papa Park I guess,” you joke and Seongwha chuckles.

He climbs over you and delivers another peck to your swollen lips. “Okay, no more mention of my dad please when I’m about to put my penis in you.”

“Sorry, sorry.” you chuckle nervously as your boyfriend pulls you in for another kiss. 

"Okay, if it hurts tell me to stop and I will, alright?” his eyes stare deeply into your own.

You nod at him with a small smile, admiring what little of his face you could see in the darkness of his room. “I will, don’t worry.”

“Okay.” he sighs, positioning himself in front of you. “I love you.” he whispers against your lips. 

“I love you more, baby.” you say to him before you feel him push himself inside you. You gasp at the feeling and he stills in his spot to let you adjust. 

And once you signal that it’s okay for him to move, he does at a slow pace, and you gasp at the intense pleasure. Even though the pain has subsided his thrusts are still slow and controlled, and you don’t know if it’s because he’s afraid to hurt you, or if he just wants to revel in the feeling of you around him. Either way your heart fills with love for this one boy. 

“I love you so much, you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, you  know that?” he whispers in your ear and your eyes shut at his words and the newfound feeling you would grow to love. “and thank you for trusting me right now...” his breathing grows heavy. “because I would do anything for you, and I just want you to know that, okay?”

You almost feel like you could cry because above all the pleasure that you’re experiencing right now, his words feel different, more intimate, and all the more meaningful to you. 

And you believe every word he says because you know he truly means it.

“I would do anything for you too.” you repeat his words back to him and he buries his face into your neck as he continues to thrust into you. 

So at sixteen years old, you have your first time with the love of your life. And you tell yourself that no matter what happens between the both of you, you were never going to regret giving that part of yourself to him. 

At the age of eighteen years old, you do the unthinkable.

You decide after a long and heavy conversation, you two were going to break up. You were both set to leave town to pursue your studies at your dream schools, and you felt that parting ways at this point was the better option.

While you two could figure out a way to make things work while half way across the world from each other, you had to take into account all the factors that would drive you two apart. The time difference, the long distance, the fact that you were inevitably going to meet new people, and that you simply did not want to hold each other back from experiencing a life without one another. 

Because all you’ve known almost your entire life was being with Seonghwa, and him with you. You knew it was only fair to give each other the chance to explore something new, and now was that time.

It wasn’t an easy decision by any means, and although it was an amicable split, you’ve never felt the pain of a broken heart before. It hurt really bad.

Your friends and family decide to throw you both one last goodbye party, wanting to celebrate this special milestone with you. And of course there was no way you and Seonghwa could pass up the last good night you two would have together as a couple.

The party was fun at first. The dancing, the singing, the laughing, and the endless exchange of pictures as you guys shared the last few memories you would have as high school graduates. 

But as the night started to creep in, you both realized that in less than 24 hours, you two would no longer be attached to one another like you had been for the last thirteen years. And after five years as a couple, you still couldn’t believe that your relationship would come to an end, just like that.

You hear the faint music in the background of your house, as you and Seonghwa sit in your backyard, gazing up at the stars.

“This fucking sucks.” Seonghwa sighs, resting his head on your shoulder as you lean your head on top of his. 

“I know.” your throat burns, suppressing the urge to cry. 

“I just didn’t expect this day to come. I never thought we would actually break up with each other.” he admits, and you nod your head in agreement. 

You grab onto his hand rubbing comforting circles onto his skin, and you feel Seonghwa’s body start to shake next to you. You don’t want to look at him because you know if you see him cry, you’ll cry too.

You close your eyes trying to control your heavy breathing and the quivering of your lips. Your eyes are watering but you refuse to let your tears slip, and your heart hurts like it’s never hurt before, and you don’t know if the pain will ever go away.

“Seonghwa I really love you.” your voice breaks and you finally let the tears fall.

“I know, baby.” the pet name has always affected you, but now more than ever it tugs at your heart strings in a bittersweet way. “I really, really love you too. Always.”

“You know you’re the love of my life right? You’re always going to be.” you state and he delivers a squeeze to your hand in acknowledgement.

“And you’ll always be mine.” he answers back. “You’re my best friend in the whole world and the last five years with you as my girlfriend will forever be the greatest five years of my life. I will always stand by the fact that you are the best thing to ever happen to me.”

As you stare at one another with teary eyes, he knows you’re saying the same exact words to him. He doesn’t need to hear you say it, nor does he expect you to. Your eyes say more than enough to him.

You look down at the rose gold band around your finger and you realize how long you’ve kept it on, never once taking it off since that day Seonghwa gave it to you. “Do you want your ring back?” you utter, your eyes watering once more.

Seonghwa shakes his head. “Please keep it. Because I still mean it. And I always will. I’m gonna love you forever, y/n. Even if you decide to take it off, if that’s the last reminder you have of how much I love you, then please keep it.”

Your heart is hurting, and the tears seem never ending as they continue to fall down your cheeks. “I don’t want to leave you Seonghwa.” a sob escapes from your lips, and Seonghwa squeezes your hand again.

“I know, baby but you have to. You’re going to the school you’ve dreamed of going to since you were in the fourth grade. You’re going to accomplish so much and a build a great life for yourself, y/n. And even though I won’t be physically with you, I’m always going to support you every step of the way.” he assures.

You knew in a perfect world you two didn’t have to break up. But long distance was a bitch, and you moving across the world was never going to be easy on him. You couldn’t force each other to wait for the other. Not when the both of you had to start a whole new life separately. You had to let each other go.

You turn to face him, your teary eyes staring into his own. “I’ll always support you too, okay? No matter what. I want you to make the most of your time in Seoul, study hard, surround yourself with good people and have the most fun you’ve ever had. You’re gonna make so many friends and pursue the career you’ve always wanted and experience new things that you’ve never done before. And most of all, you’re going to meet a girl and love her just as much as you loved me. And you’re gonna fall in love all over again, and just be happy. Just promise me that you will make the most of your time over there and live your life to the fullest. Don’t look back, don’t wait for me. Just live until I get to see you again.” your voice breaks. “And if somehow we find our way back to one another, then just know everything we did up to that point was worth it.”

Seonghwa lets out a sob and nods. “I promise.” his voice breaks and you pull him in for your last goodbye kiss.

At nineteen, you visit your hometown for Christmas, which was the first time you’d be back in a year and a half. 

Having missed out on the chance to visit last year with your busy schedule, you made sure not to pass up the chance to see your family and friends. The more you grew accustomed to your new home you managed to find a good balance between school, work, and your personal life, so you found that this year was finally a good time to return back for a visit.

And there was no better time to come home than for Christmas day.

“Yeah, just landed at our layover and waiting for the next flight.” you say to your mother over Facetime.

“That’s great honey, I’m so excited to see you.” she smiles at you and you return the gesture. 

“I missed you mom.” you say.

“And I missed you even more.” 

You two continue conversing amongst one another, as she filled you in on all things you missed while you were gone before a voice interrupts your conversation.

“Hey babe, here.” Juyeon says, handing you a coffee as he presses a small kiss to your forehead.

“Oh thank you.” you murmur with a small smile as your boyfriend sits down next to you.

“Oh hey miss y/l/n!” Juyeon greets seeing your mom’s face plastered on your screen.

“Juyeon!” she squeals excitedly. “I can’t wait to finally meet you in person instead of over video chat. It was about damn time.” she states and you and your boyfriend chuckle. You hand him your phone allowing them to talk with one another and you smile fondly at the newfound bond between Juyeon and your mother.

“I know, I can’t wait to meet all of you guys too! I know y/n’s been really excited, it was all she could talk about for the last three weeks.” he teases. “And she says you make really good pie so i am definitely looking forward to that.”

“That is such an understatement, I make the best pie.” she scoffs. “And I made one specifically for you.” your mother beams.

After a few minutes of playful banter exchanged, Juyeon hands your phone back to you. “I’m gonna go to the bathroom before we board, I’ll be back.” he excuses himself and you nod in acknowledgement. 

“Oh y/n, I just thought I should mention Seonghwa and his family are coming over for Christmas dinner as well.” your mom says and the sheer mention of his name as your heart beating in your chest.

“Oh he’s back in town too?” you ask casually and she nods.

“Yup, he’s also bringing his girlfriend.” she adds.

“That’s great, I’m really happy for him.” you say with a smile.

And you meant it, truly. 

You knew of his girlfriend from the few photos he posted of her on instagram, and he seemed genuinely happy. Aside from his newfound love, he was clearly enjoying his time in Seoul like you had hoped, and it was everything you wished for him. 

You two hadn’t really spoken over the last year, and it wasn’t really on purpose, you two just kind of drifted, as expected. You two were starting fresh in an unfamiliar place, and you both were finding your way around your new homes. You two were also preoccupied with school, and meeting new people so it was sort of inevitably really that you two grew apart. Of course there were the few times you two would chat, but it never lasted long due to time differences and busy schedules. 

Although you missed him immensely, you were beyond happy for the life he started for himself, and you knew he was happy for you too. He did exactly what he promised you the last night you spent together, and that was enough to make you happy.

“Flight 219 now boarding.” the announcer calls and Juyeon meets you right on time.

“Okay mom, that’s us. I’ll see you in a few hours, bye, love you.” you bid your farewell before hanging up, and Juyeon grabs your hand leading you to the gate.

“Ready to go home?” he smiles at you, and you beam excitedly, nodding your head.

As the days pass leading up to Christmas, you spend all of your of time with your family and friends, using every second to catch up with your loved ones. You find that Juyeon is adapting well to your home life, bonding with your father and making your mother love him even more than she already did. You introduce him to your childhood friends and he instantly wins over Mingi, Hongjoong, Yunho and Jennie. You admire how much of an effort he put into forming a friendship with them because he knew how much it meant to you.

You were thankful really, to find a guy who was almost perfect for you.

But still, in the back of your mind, even though you loved Juyeon beyond belief, you knew Seonghwa would always have that special place in your heart.

On the day of Christmas, you and Juyeon set the table as you await the Park’s arrival. You were slightly nervous, obviously, given the fact that you had not seen Seonghwa in over a year and you would be meeting his girlfriend. Although you were happy for him, you still felt anxious to see him and her, and you could only hope that she was good for him, because he deserved that much. 

Only a few moments later do you hear a knock at your door and your mother walks over to greet your longtime neighbours. Juyeon stands next to you as he wraps an arm around your waist comfortingly and you relax against him. 

You see Mrs. Park first as she walks inside, giving your mother a friendly hug. Mr. Park follows suit as he greets your mother and your father with a wide smile on his face.

And then you see him.

His hair is slightly darker and he does look a little older. But other than that his face is so familiar to you and your heart beats wildly in your chest as the two of you make eye contact. His face softens when he sees you and you deliver a small wave to him as he smiles. His girlfriend trails behind him and you take notice of how beautiful she was. You smile at her too and she returns the gesture and your heart kind of warms seeing how shy she is because you always kind of knew Seonghwa would pick someone similar to him.

“Oh my y/n, how long has it been!” Mrs. Park calls towards you and you hug her tightly. 

“I missed you!” you say to her and her arms wrap tighter around you.

“I missed you too, darling. And you look even more beautiful than the last time I saw you!” she compliments. “And who is this handsome man?”

“This is Juyeon, he’s my boyfriend.” you smile, and Juyeon shakes her hand.

“Nice to meet you, Mrs. Park. Y/n’s talked a lot about your family.” he says politely.

“Y/n’s picked a good one, I see.” she winks playfully as you notice Seonghwa and his girlfriend make their way towards you two.

“Hey y/n, long time no see.” Seonghwa says and you almost melt at the sound of his voice. He pulls you in for a hug and you notice how he still wears the same cologne that you had bought him all those years ago.

“Yeah, it’s good to see you again.” you smile at him, and although it had been well over a year since you two last saw each other, there was no hint of awkwardness, just nostalgia.

“Oh, this is Juyeon.” you introduce and Seonghwa delivers a warm smile to your boyfriend, shaking his hand respectfully.

“Nice to meet you.” Juyeon smiles.

“It’s nice to meet you too, I’m Seonghwa. Y/n’s... childhood friend.” he decides to say.

“I know she’s mentioned you a lot in her stories.” your boyfriend acknowledges. “From all the things she told me you were one of the people I was looking forward to meet the most. You seemed really great to her.”

“I could only hope so. She was my best friend after all.” Seonghwa glances at you, and you know there’s a deeper meaning behind his words. “And you seem like a really great guy, so I’m glad she has good people in her life.” Seonghwa returns and you find it heartwarming how well their exchange is going.

You look at the girl beside your ex and she’s staring at you with gentle, curious eyes. “Hi, I’m y/n.” you smile at her, extending your hand out for her to shake.

“Rosé,” she beams at you and you don’t even really know her but there was something about her that assured you she was good fit for Seonghwa. “I heard a lot about you as well, Hwa’s always talking about his life back home so I’m really glad I got to meet his best friend. You were really special to him.”

You smile softly. “I’m glad I got to meet you too.” you say.

“Okay, time for dinner everyone!” your father announces and you all take a seat at the table, passing over plates of food and catching up with one another.

“So Seonghwa, how’s Seoul treating you?” your mother asks as everyone turns their attention towards him.

“Uh really good actually,” he responds. “I joined a band actually! Uh, I became friends with these really nice guys. San and Yeosang. They basically recruited me after they found out I could sing and now we play at this local bar every week on Friday’s and Saturday’s. It was really good for me, I think. It helped with my stress and stuff. And that’s actually where I met Rosé.”

“That’s amazing.” your mother comments with a warm smile.

“Yeah he was really shy at first but San kind of forced him to talk to me which I was really thankful for because I was eyeing him for a while and was too shy myself to approach him.” Rosé says. “I still remember the night he asked for my number and he was stumbling over his words and I swear he looked like he was going to pass out.” she chuckles, and everyone at the table laughs along with her.

“Oh my god I know what you mean, he also cracks his fingers a lot and starts to turn really purple when he’s nervous.” you add and Rosé points at you nodding in agreement.

“Yes! I notice that all the time!” she laughs, and you can’t help but laugh with her.

“Trust me, I have the most embarrassing stories of him when we were kids.” you say.

“Oh god, you have to tell me all of them.” Rosé giggles.

“Obviously, we have the whole night for that.” you wink at her, and you realize how easy and natural it was to talk to her, and that confirmed that you indeed really liked her. 

Seonghwa watches the exchange between you both, and as you two make eye contact with each other, a small smile appears on his face as you nod at him, silently approving of the girl he chose to bring home for this special day. His heart grows full seeing how well the two of you got along, and he’s forever grateful at how amazing of a person you were that you were so willingly to form a friendship with his new girlfriend.

Although he loved Rosé dearly, there was still a piece of his heart where he’d always love you. And that piece grows a little more when he realizes how you continue to support him, even through this unconventional situation. 

Seonghwa decides he’s going to do the same for you, because just like you were happy for him, he was happy for you too. 

Of course he was glad you found someone who could put a smile on your face like he once did, and he knows that for you to have willingly dated Juyeon, he had to have been just as great as you were. You always had the best judgement of people.

“So Juyeon, how’d you and y/n meet?” Seonghwa asks genuinely and he notices the way his face lights up at the mention of your name.

“We had a lot of mutual friends and they introduced us. It’s funny actually, I could tell y/n didn’t even really like me that much at first, she was always so disinterested when I would try and talk to her.” Juyeon laughs.

“Probably stressing too much about trivial things.” Seonghwa chuckles.

“Yeah she does that a lot, so overly anxious all the time” Juyeon notes, and Seonghwa agrees. 

“Hey,” you interrupt and Juyeon apologizes.

“Sorry babe,” he chuckles. "but yeah, I finally sweet talked my way to get her to go out on a coffee date with me and then the next day she asked to go out for lunch after our lecture. We kind of just ended up hanging out more often and well, the rest is history I guess.”

“That’s great, I’m really glad she found someone that makes her happy.” Seonghwa smiles, and you feel a sense of gratitude towards him.

The rest of the night your families converse with one another and share a few drinks, as you and Seonghwa share old stories with Juyeon and Rosé. If you told yourself three years ago that you would be sitting by the fireplace on Christmas day with you and Seonghwa as exes exchanging stories with your new lovers, you would’ve never believed it. 

But you don’t think it’s a bad thing at all. In fact you’re immensely grateful that despite not being as close to Seonghwa anymore, you were able to see each other grow and adapt with your new lives. A life where you made new friends and made new memories. Where you tried things you’ve never tried before, and explored new places. And where you could love other people and still be so insanely happy for one another. 

This was a good thing.

At one point during the night the two of you find yourselves alone, a comfortable silence filling the room as you stared at the fire in front of you, basking in its warmth.

“I missed you.” Seonghwa is the first to break the silence.

“I missed you too.” you return. “And I’m really happy for you, you know?” 

“I’m really happy for you too, y/n.” Seonghwa smiles at you. “And I really like Juyeon. He seems really great, and he makes you happy, I can see it. That’s all I ever wanted for you.”

You hum in acknowledgement. “And I think Rosé is amazing. She’s perfect for you. And I’m forever grateful that you two have each other. I know we’ve drifted over the last year, but you’re still my best friend in the whole world. And even though I don’t say it often, or even out loud, I’m supporting you through everything. As long as it makes you happy that’s all I care about.”

His heart warms at your statement and he locks eyes with you. “And you know I’m always supporting you too. Seeing you happy and thriving is the best thing that’s ever happened to you. It’s all I want for you.” he states.

Neither of you have to say it, but you know this is your unspoken way of saying that you both still loved each other greatly. You still stood by the fact that Seonghwa was, and always would be the most important person in your life, and you in his. Seeing one another content and happy despite not having each other around anymore, was the one thing that mattered to you both. The maturity and support you continued to show was only because of the immense love you have, and have always had for one another. 

The kind of love that lets you give up the person you love the most so they can have a better life without you. 

And the kind of love that’s okay with it.

At twenty-one years old, you and Seonghwa meet again.

It’s during one of your breaks where you find yourself extremely homesick. You don’t even give your family a heads up until you’re outside your childhood home knocking at your door.

It was an impulsive decision but it’s not like you were currently in school. You had the time and the money, and you missed your hometown so incredibly bad that it only took you one second to make that decision to come back.

“Coming, one second!” you hear a male voice call behind the door and your eyebrows furrow in confusion.

“Well, that’s is definitely not my mom, or dad.” you say to yourself. “Did they move out without telling me or something-” your internal conversation is cut short as the door swings open and you’re greeted by an unexpected figure.

“Y/n?” the boy says in surprise.

“Seonghwa??” you say even more confused. 

“Who’s at the door Seonghwa?” now that’s your mother’s voice you hear and she gasps as she walks over to the door. “Y/n! Oh my god why didn’t you tell me you were coming back?!” she pulls you into her arms.

“Surprise.” you chuckle. “I kind of sort of felt really homesick and impulsively bought a plane ticket last night so I could fly back so... here I am.”

“Well come settle in! Seonghwa was just helping with some renovations in the house but I’ll let you two catch up.” your mother grabs your luggage, carrying it up to your bedroom. “Go grab a coffee or something!” she yells upstairs.

You look over to Seonghwa and he shrugs. “Let’s go then.” he smiles and your heart swells.

The two of you walk comfortably beside one another as you take in the scenery around you, missing the familiar place you once called home. 

“I didn’t know you were back in town too.” you say after a few moments of silence.

“Yeah, it was pretty impulsive too actually.” he admits as he looks at you. 

“What was your reason?” you ask curiously.

“Break up.” he states and your mouth falls open.

“Wait, you and Rosé...” 

He nods. “Yeah, things just kinda, fizzled out. You know, we grew apart, wanted different things, came to a point where we were in different stages in our life.”

“Oh wow.” is all you say. “I’m sorry to hear, she was really sweet. I really liked her.”

“Yeah, she was,” Seonghwa sighs. “I mean, we ended on good terms. We’re still friends, actually. I don’t even think I’m necessarily sad about it to be honest, it’s just different, you know? Like I know we weren’t even dating for that long, like two and a half years at most. But I just got so used to being around her and spending so much time with her, and then things just weren’t really the same after a while. It just felt odd not having someone. And being alone made me miss everything I had here so I came back.”

You nod your head in understanding. “Yeah, I totally get what you mean.”

Seonghwa raises his eyebrow at you. “You mean... you and Juyeon too?”

“Mhm,” you hum. “I think for us we just realized we were better off as friends than as a couple, you know? Like after a while the attraction kind of went away and we were only really together because it was comfortable. And we didn’t want to stay together if we weren’t in love anymore, it wouldn’t have made sense. The break up was easy and it felt right when we ended things, I kind of wish it happened sooner but, I was still thankful for the time we spent together. He is still one of my best friends so I’m grateful for that at least.”

“That’s good.” he smiles softly. 

“Hey at least we both can confidently say we have a track record of smooth break ups, right?” you joke lightheartedly.

“Thank god for that.” Seonghwa says with a laugh.

When you two enter the coffee shop you’re once again hit with a feeling of nostalgia as you think of all the times you, Seonghwa, and your friends would spend most days after school, drinking hot chocolate and eating pastries together as you all talked for hours and hours.

“I’ll get our usuals, you can wait by our spot.” Seonghwa offers, and you nod making your way towards your designated table. 

The moment you sit down you’re hit with a wave of flashbacks you shared in this very space, and a small smile creeps onto your face as you look back on all the old memories. 

After your brief moment of reminiscing, Seongwha sits across from you handing over your cup. 

“Sometimes you don’t realize how much you miss home until you’re actually back in all the places you grew up in,” you note as you take notice of the small engraving in the corner of the table marked with yours and all your friends’ initials. Your fingers ghost over the mark and when you look up at Seongwha you see that he’s also eyeing the engraving. 

“I remember when we put that there,” he recalls with a smile. “After five years of coming here and sitting at this same exact table with our friends we claimed our ownership by putting that stupid engraving that took us forever to do. As if that stopped people from sitting here anyways.” you both chuckled.

“Well at least Jennie and Hongjoong were brave enough to kick out the people who stole our spot.” you laugh.

“Yeah,” Seonghwa smiles fondly at the memory. “I still remember the days where Mingi and Yunho would bet the barista on how many butter croissants they could eat in one sitting so we could all get a supply of free hot chocolate for a year.”

“And it was only after Mingi threw up everywhere that it turned out all we had to do was ask her, and she would’ve done it anyways because we were regulars here.” you finish with a soft chuckle.

A comfortable silence fills the air as you two reminisce on the old memories of your teenage years.

“Can I ask you something?” Seonghwa says.

“Of course.”

“When you finish university,” he starts. “What are you gonna do afterwards? Like do you plan on living abroad permanently? Or are you gonna come back home?”

You pause for a second. “Honestly, after the first year there, I fell in love with the city. And I truly was planning on starting my life there and making that my permanent home, ‘cause I had Juyeon, and I had my new friends, I had jobs lined up for me after graduation, and just an overall great home.” you say. “But after splitting up with him, and sitting with the fact that I was constantly homesick, I kinda realized that this is my home, you know? Like, no matter how much I loved my new friends, and loved the city, it would never be as special to me as here. Nothing over there compared to everything I have here. And I knew you were gonna come back from Seoul after graduation, and Jennie and Yunho were gonna come back from New Zealand too. And Mingi and Hongjoong, and the rest of them were all still here... I didn’t want to be the only one gone. All my real friends are here, my family’s here... you’re here. I didn’t want to leave that all behind.” you exclaim and Seonghwa’s face softens.

“I’m really glad honestly.” he responds. “Because I missed you a lot. And it would’ve really sucked to know you weren’t gonna be here anymore when I moved back. I just really miss spending time with my best friend.”

Your heart skips a beat. “Well, you have the next two weeks to do that.” you smile up at him.

“I have an idea.” his eyes light up and you raise an eyebrow at him. “Do you wanna have a sleepover tonight? We can have a move night and order take out like the good old times.” he grins at you.

“You had me at sleepover.” you say with a smile and so he grabs your hand, pulling you towards the exit.

When Seonghwa lets you into his house you almost forget the fact that you haven’t been inside in almost three whole years. This was practically your second home and you found comfort in the fact that nothing really changed since you last saw it. Everything looked almost exactly how you remembered it, minus the new couch and dining table, and a few new paintings hung up on the walls.

“Your mom didn’t change much over the last few years.” you observe.

“Yeah, she was going to do a whole renovation like your mom, and she even planned a whole design out, but she opted out last minute. She said she wanted me to come back home to something I remembered.” Seonghwa answers. “I didn’t get why at first but it only started making sense to me the more I started visiting and realized this was like my safety net.”

“Yeah, that makes sense.” you say.

You and Seonghwa walk upstairs to his bedroom, and of course nothing changed inside either. It almost seemed like it had been untouched aside from the fresh bedsheets and clean floor. You notice the small picture frames neatly placed across his dresser table and you realize most of them are pictures with you. You pick one frame up as you remember the day so clearly. A faint smile forms on your face as your fingers ghost over the photo.

“I asked my mom to put those up again recently.” Seonghwa states from behind you. “I was gonna put more with our friends but I realized we didn’t take many with them. They were mostly just of us two. I hope you don’t think it’s weird.”

You shake your head. “No, of course not. I would never think it’s weird.” you say, placing the frame back onto his dresser.

Seonghwa tosses you one of his shirts and a pair of your old shorts that you always left at his house during your impromptu sleepovers. And suddenly you’re once again hit with a wave of nostalgia. 

“What do you wanna do?” he asks and you flop onto his bed with a deep exhale.

“Let’s just lay here for a second.” you say pulling him down next to you. “I just wanna remember everything that I missed while I was gone.” 

Seonghwa settles beside you and you can’t help your racing heart as he inches closer to you. As you lay next to one another looking up at the ceiling, your breathing relaxes and you revel in the feeling of just being so comfortable and at so at home. 

“You don’t know how much I missed this,” Seonghwa whispers next to you. “even though we haven’t seen each other in years and we don’t talk as much anymore, when I’m with you it’s like we never even left each other. Like we just pick up right where we left off. You’re the one person who’s always brought me comfort and I never feel like we have to force things with each other, no matter how much we drifted.”

You feel heat rise to your cheeks and suddenly the room feels so much warmer. Your heart beats fast and you realize how much of an effect Seonghwa still has on you after all these years.

“I think about you everyday, you know that?” you confess, turning your head to look at him. “Every time I’m out somewhere there will always be little things that remind me of you. And I think about all the places in the city I would take you, and the places I know you would love. I think about all the things you would tell me when I was feeling down, and how you would react to certain situations as if you were right there beside me the whole time. I miss you all the time.”

You both stare at one another and your eyes flicker back and forth to his lips and when you look into his own eyes you notice him doing the same. After a moment of just staring into each other’s eyes, unsure of what to do next, Seonghwa pulls you towards his face and kisses you, and the feeling absolutely overwhelms you in all the good ways.

It’s far from soft and sweet, instead heavy and messy, and so intense that your chest burns with desire. You don’t dare pull away from him even when you needed to catch your breath, because the feeling of his lips on yours after all these years intoxicates you and has you yearning for more. He’s pulling you closer to him and you feel like your body is on fire. 

Seonghwa rolls on top of you and your bodies mould perfectly with one another, as if you were both the two missing pieces of a puzzle. You can’t exactly describe the feeling but it’s overwhelming and very reminiscent and brings you back to all the times with Seonghwa that brought you so much happiness years ago. It’s a feeling you didn’t know if you would ever feel again and you missed it more than anything.

The ache between your legs becomes overwhelming and before you know it you’re begging him to touch you, and without any hesitation he does. Your bodies press tightly against each other and your desperate need for him only grows the moment he grinds down on you. 

The next thing you know, you’re both unclothed and fully exposed to one another, and you see each other in your most vulnerable states for the first time in years. When he finally pushes himself inside you the pleasure is significantly magnified as the fire inside you only intensifies at the feeling of him.

It happens quick at first but Seonghwa decides he wants to take his time with you. Like you, he didn’t know if he would ever feel you in this way again and he was going to use every second with you that he could.

You don’t know how much time has passed but by the end, you both are exhausted and sore, and panting heavily next to each other. It’s dark outside and the room is warm and even though you’re both sweaty and gross, you haven’t felt this good in a long, long time. 

“Was that okay?” Seonghwa asks, pulling your naked body into his arms.

“Yeah,” you say with a small smile. “It was perfect.”

So you lay in each other’s embrace for a while and your heart feels warm and fuzzy, bringing you an endless amount of comfort. You feel content at this very moment, and your worries are pushed to the back of your mind as you fall asleep soundly together.

It’s only at 2 o’clock in the morning do you wake up in a haze and through your fatigued confusion does your brain recall the events that took place a few hours ago. Unable to make out your surroundings in the darkness, your eyes widen not knowing if what happened earlier really happened. When you attempt to sit up you feel a pair of arms wrapped securely around your waist and your body relaxes. Soft snores escape Seonghwa’s lips and you snuggle closer to his body to feel his warmth.

It dawns on you that you still are very much in love with Seonghwa, and of course deep down you knew that you always would be. You also knew given the chance (like now) your feelings would resurface because well... they never really left in the first place.

The unknowingness of this outcome has you shifting in your spot and anxiety creeps in as you think of leaving him all over again. Because after tonight, you don’t know if you can bear the thought of parting ways with him and returning to your life abroad where you can’t tell him exactly how you feel.

You don’t realize right away that Seonghwa has woken up next to you and he only does so because of your constant shifting. It’s when he delivers a gentle squeeze to your waist do you finally take notice.

“Are you okay?” his voice his deep and tired and the sound is enough to make your heart beat fast.

“Yeah.” you reply unconvincingly, but Seonghwa has known you all his life and was also the one to date you for five whole years. He knew you better than you probably knew yourself so in an instant he could tell there was something bothering you.

“What’s on your mind?” he asks.

Your back is leaning against his chest, and you can feel his soft breathing on your neck, and instinctively he starts to rub small circles on your arm knowing that was the one thing that could calm you down.

“It’s stupid.” you say, your voice is quiet and laced with a hint of embarrassment.

“Do you regret what we did?” Seonghwa asks and you’re quick to shut down his claim.

“No! No, of course not.” you return. “It’s not that.”

“Then what is it?” 

You exhale, letting out a heavy sigh. “Seonghwa I still love you.” it’s almost inaudible to him but he knows he heard you correctly. 

He lets out a soft sigh and a smile smiles forms on his face.

“I still love you too, baby.” and when you hear him call you by the name you loved so much, you feel like you’re going to melt in his arms. “I always would remember?”

Your eyes start to water because it’s been so long since you’ve been able to say that to him, and to hear him say those same exact words back to you has a weight lifting right off your shoulders that you didn’t even know was there.

“Why’s that upsetting you?” he questions and you feel him press soft kisses to your shoulder.

“I don’t want to leave you all over again.” you admit. 

He sighs next you and attempts to pull you even closer, if that were possible.

“Well we’ll spend the rest of the time we have together and enjoy every second of it. And after graduation we’ll come back home and we’ll pick up right where we left off like we always do.” Seonghwa tries to reassure you and you shake your head, sniffling.

“That’s not what I mean...” you say. “I mean that I don’t want to go back and not be with you. I don’t want to wait out till graduation and know that we aren’t together because I don’t think I can. Not after tonight.”

It clicks in Seonghwa’s brain and he knows exactly what you mean, and so he decides now’s the time to ask you what he’s been wishing to ask you for so many years. He knows he wasn’t supposed to wait for you, but he always knew he would.

“You don’t have to then.” he states.

“I don’t?”

“Do you want to get back together?” he asks and your heart almost stops. “I mean we only broke up ‘cause of the distance right? And we both fulfilled our promises to each other that we would experience a different life and learn what it was like to not be together. We’re in our last year of uni, we’d only have to be apart for a few more months and then we’ll both be back home in no time, permanently. We would never have to be apart again.” he reasons with you.

And it did make complete sense. He was right in every way, so in truth, there really wasn’t anything stopping you from being together again. You don’t have to think much about it because the decision was already made deep down. You knew you wouldn’t hesitate to be with Seonghwa again if you had the chance, and now was that chance.

You turn to face him and even though you two can’t see each other, there’s a small smile painted on both your faces and you lean in to press a kiss to his lips. 

“Okay, let’s get back together.”

So at twenty-one years old, you and Seonghwa officially reconcile, and spend the next two weeks together like you planned, catching up on everything you did while you two were apart.

And just like he said, it was like you two never left each other.

And now, at twenty-two years old, Seonghwa pops the question.

And you finally marry him.

"Family, friends, and all loved ones. We are gathered here today to celebrate the union of Y/n and Seonghwa. We stand here to support this couple and share the joys of their love and commitment as they solidify this partnership, choosing to spend the rest of their lives together.” 

“Through this marriage you make a lifelong promise to one another to always love, respect, trust and honor each other through anything, and everything. You promise to stay committed, and loyal, and most importantly, share your dreams, your happiness, and your sorrows with each other.” 

“From today, and this moment on, you will forever be united as one.”

You stare at Seonghwa and your heart beats hard against your chest as you stand in front of him watching his eyes light up and his smile grow by the second. You feel like you’re in a dream and everything around you feels so surreal.

Your eyes scan the alter and you see your mother beside Mrs. Park, both of them clinging onto each other as tears of happiness running down their cheeks. Their smile is wide and filled with so much love and you knew this day was something the two have been waiting for, for as long as they could remember. 

You see Mingi, and Yunho, and Hongjoong, and Jennie, your best friends who witnessed every progression of your relationship with Seonghwa from the moment you two met. They’re all grinning from ear to ear and you can’t help but laugh as they silently cheer you on from the pews.

You see your dad, and Seonghwa’s dad, and both of your grandparents, and the entirety of yours and Seonghwa’s family joined together as they smile brightly at the two of you.

And then your eyes meet with Rosé and Juyeon as they mouth a “you got this!” to you and Seonghwa, delivering a thumbs up in your direction, and your heart kind of warms because even after splitting up, the friendship between you four remained and it was evident through their support on this special day.

When your eyes lock with your soon-to-be-husband his lips quirk up into a warm smile as you mouth out an “i love you.”

“Now Y/n, Seonghwa, please join hands” the officiant states.

"Do you, Park Seonghwa take Y/N Y/L/N to be your wife?” 

“I do.” he states softly, eyes gazing into yours.

"And Y/N Y/L/N, do you take Park Seonghwa to be your husband?”

“I do.” you respond beaming.

"Seonghwa, please repeat after me.” the officiant says. “I, Park Seonghwa, take thee, Y/N Y/L/N, to be my lawfully wedded wife.” 

“I Park Seonghwa, take thee, Y/n Y/l/n, to be my lawfully wife...” he repeats.

"...To have and to hold from this day forward...”

“...For better for worse...”

 “For richer for poorer...”

“...In sickness and in health...”

“...To love and to cherish...”

“...And to honour you all the days of my life...”

“Till death do us apart.” Seonghwa finishes and your eyes start to water.

“Now, Y/n, please repeat after me.” the officiant calls on you. “I, Y/N Y/LN, take thee, Park Seonghwa, to be my lawfully wedded husband.”

You exhale before repeating his words. ““I, Y/N Y/LN, take thee, Park Seonghwa, to be my lawfully wedded husband.”

"...To have and to hold from this day forward...”

“...For better for worse...”

“For richer for poorer...”

“...In sickness and in health...”

“...To love and to cherish...”

“...And to honour you all the days of my life...”

“Till death do us apart.”

As Jennie walks over to hand over the rings she smiles brightly at you, as the crowd watches you and Seonghwa each place the new band on your fingers, signifying the start of your lifelong commitment to one another. 

“Well! By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife!” the officiant shouts with a smile. “You may now kiss the bride!”

And without a second wasted Seonghwa pulls you in kissing you like he’s never kissed you before and the loud shouts and cheers in the background fills your ears as everyone hollers around you. And when you pull away you can’t seem to wipe the smile off your face as Seonghwa carries you out of the alter.

“Here’s to our new life together, Mrs. Park.” Seonghwa says with a grin as you kiss him once more.

“I love you so much.” you say.

“And I love you even more.” he returns.

So at twenty-two years old you know that you’re never going to stop loving Seonghwa, and that love was made permanent by the unity of your marriage. From the moment you declared him as your boyfriend at the age of six, to the years you spent learning everything together as a couple, growing apart and reuniting, you know that this was a rare kind of love to find, and one that had to mature and progress over a long period of time. 

And so you remember the words you said to him all those years ago the night you parted ways, “if somehow we find our way back to one another, then just know everything we did up to that point was worth it.”

Which stayed true four and a half years later, and for the rest of your life thereafter.

LA FIN.

[instablamwriter]

Top 10 Mankai Actors

Disclaimer: My onion lol. I think everyone has their own charm but if we’re going with just ‘acting’, I do think some are better than others in-game. I don’t think versatility as an actor is everything btw, but it is impressive to see people do very different roles and to do them well each time.

Warning: Spoilers for at least until act 8 for everyone since I did include the rookies in this list.

We will go 10-->1 Feel free to agree/disagree as long as you’re nice about it xoxo

I didn’t put a read-more just so that it’d be easier to read, but let me know if it’s pretty readable (dashboard or otherwise) with a read-more (and dw I tagged it as a long post)

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Honorable mentions:

Muku!!!! Muku has gotten so much improvement + has one of the largest range of role types in the whole company. Also helps that he’s in the troupe that does the most adlibs so he’s quick to think of lines to sell to the audience (and they have to be funny!)

Juza is the most improved imo and he has the passion and the work ethic to back him up. He does his role type really well but hmm I’ll explain a bit more later why the others edge him out for me.

Chikage was originally higher but upon reflection, I think he doesn’t make it to my top 10. He’s good in the sense that he was trained to deceive people, but in terms of stage acting, putting his heart into it is a newer sort of thing. Also, between him and Taichi, he was the one who was more obviously up to no good. Then again, was he really hiding it? His default is being cagey and secretive in the first place while Taichi is very much the type of person to wear his heart at his sleeve, so Taichi definitely edges him out.

Side note: I wanted to say Citron bc I adore his Ennis but I’m also aware of /how/ biased I am towards Harugaoka in general. so.

Let’s go on!

10-8) Harugaoka Boys

I’m sorry for cheating but I can’t really rank them properly among the three of them.

Arguably, Masumi would be the weakest because even though he has the natural talent, he doesn’t have the same drive as the other two. HOWEVER, his drive in a way is Izumi and Izumi’s own love of theatre. He’s pretty determined whenever Izumi is involved and he has a pretty good range of roles, making him not only versatile, but just pretty good in general. SPOILERS!!! <I mean, he learned how to play a violin so quickly just for Izumi so he’s pretty efficient at learning in the first place.>

Next, Sakuya is a hard worker and has the passion to keep him going. I say he edges out Juza because while I think the formal training from college (+ all the workshops he goes too, either Yuzo or at school), Sakuya sort of breathes and lives everything theatre. Like not only the acting part, but all the behind the scenes things too. He watches and helps out different companies on the daily so I’d say he’s more exposed to a variety of performances than Juza would be. Let’s not go into Liber underutilizing Sakuya with the range of roles or even the number of lead roles (either main or co), but I’d say he’s just has overall more practice at play (pun unintended).

Banri, as we all know, is naturally good at this lol. He does say his weakness is that he can’t put his whole heart into is character unlike Juza (which is also a reason why I’d say that Sakuya and him are more or less the same level). He’s versatile and has a good repertoire + he does have the drive to keep getting better (he says to beat Juza but I think it’s also because he’s become motivated after seeing /everyone/’s portraits (but yes, Juza’s in particular was the hmm trigger I’d say). And since he’s newer to acting, I think everyone else on the list beats him due to experience.

7-5) Taichi, Hisoka, Misumi

I’m so sorry, but I couldn’t choose AGAIN. I think the next 3 have such different skill sets that put them up there. They originally did have a proper ranking but once I was writing it all out, I just couldn’t decide who was better overall. Not surprising since I’m more of a tierlist person than a straight up list person anyway. Hayz, anyway here we gooooo

Taichi Nanao

I guess I should be upfront with the fact that I’m a Taichi oshi so of course, I’m biased. HOWEVER, Taichi started acting as a child, way back in elementary. He works hard on his roles (as seen in plays where he’s been the lead/co-leads) kind of obsessively and SPOILERS!! <has trouble sleeping and overworks himself for them.>

He was also able to get into GodZa at a young age that even Tsumugi couldn’t get into right out of college (tho I have other theories on why there but anyway). Reni treated him like shit but the fact is, he was still able to pass the strict auditions. Anyway, he has the foundation, the training, and the drive (PLUS IF YOU’VE READ ACT 9, YOU GET IT), so I think he’s earned this spot xD

Hisoka Mikage

As mentioned with Chikage, they were sorta forced to learn how to act or it was do or die. Hisoka can pretty much get into roles quickly once he knows the information he needs about the character. I think it’s fair to speculate that Hisoka got a lot more of the dangerous undercover jobs? He seems more attuned to acting than Chikage plus there was the factor that he had to be good or else.

It’s hard to say if his overall life experience would put him ahead of the other two.

Misumi Ikaruga

Misumi grew up watching all of the plays that his grandfather showed him. You could say he’s one of the less subtle acting geeks in the company but he’s all focus and everything once he watches a performance. He has the talent and the foundation, albeit no formal training. He did have a scriptwriter grandfather though who could have more or less helped him hone his skill. Also another very varied actor.

Still as we see with Tenma in-game, where you act (TV vs movies vs stage vs just the general public) makes a big difference and he still has less experience with stage acting and acting in front of others than the other two).

4. Sakyo Furuichi

Sakyo didn’t really have a lot of formal training but he did have the drive and love for theatre since a young age. He watched Mankai rise and fall. I think he’s the most unique case out of everyone bc he has he experience but he couldn’t grow into his full potential because of all the other circumstances in his life. I think he rightfully belongs in the top 4 though. He’s also another case like Juza who does those certain roles very well.

3. Tenma Sumeragi

Gonna be upfront once again, Tenma is my 4th fave, just after Taichi. Still, you can’t deny he’s been acting since birth and has had the formal training to go with it. He has the drive and work ethic to get even better. What puts him behind the other two is just honestly more life experiences and stage acting experience in general.

2. Tsumugi Tsukioka

We know Tsumugi is very skilled. He’s great at the subtle movements and understanding the characters plus he’s just full-on in love with theatre. Also being less sheltered and older, I think he just has more to draw from life-experience wise. He is edged out by our #1 because of the years he took off acting.

1. Tasuku Takato

Tasuku was #1 in Godza, one of the most popular acting companies in their region. He was consistently #1 until he left and even though he had similar roles then, he greatly diversified when he got to Mankai. I mean, it’s Tasuku, the resident ultra theatre nerd. Of course, he had to be #1.

If you’ve made it this far, then wewz. I hope you at least had fun reading xD

[lesbianrobin]

If you had to rank all the 14 ST characters in the main group from most to least fav what would your ranking look like? (And by main group i mean the characters including murray and erica, and excluding karen, basically everybody involved in the final battle in 3x08)

ok let me preface this by saying that i literally love all of these characters i don't hate any of them okay?? let's go... ascending order for the drama!!

14. murray. no explanation needed. no offense to brett gelman he's phenomenal and i honestly think murray is really funny, but he's more or less just a plot device with some comic relief slapped on top.

now things get spicy <3

13. erica. love her to death! but she's fairly one-dimensional, once again primarily a comic relief character. maybe in s4 she'll get some more depth like the older kids have, but for now she's sort of a default next-to-last :/

12. will... no tea no shade but the kid's barely in the show! i absolutely want good things for him but like. i barely even know him. yknow? he’s only above erica bc he’s gay and she’s a capitalist. also that scene in s1 right before he gets snatched by the demogorgon when he just runs straight to the shed and grabs a goddamn shotgun and loads it fully ready to defend himself... that shit slapped good for him!!

11. this Will be controversial among some and i Know this character is many people's favorite... if you follow me already this is probably not going to surprise you but. nancy. i just think her character is kind of inconsistent, so i have a hard time really clicking with her :/ sometimes i love her and i think she's so cool and funny and hot (that hospital scene in s3... my GOD what a badass!) and other times i would like to fistfight her.

also let me get this out of the way right now: i'm aware that jonathan's character is ALSO super inconsistent!! i know okay??? i know!!!! please nobody judge me for how high rat boy gets on this ranking okay i'm literally making this up as i go along so idk if he's next or if he's like in the top five but i have a disease called Unreasonably Invested In Wildly Speculative Meta-Analysis Of Stranger Things which makes it impossible for me to be normal about jonathan and this is my ranking so i pick the bad taste!!!

10. joyce! i love her bro she's MOM and she tries so fucking hard all the goddamn time and she's so STRONG and kind and adorable... joyce is honestly a very unique and refreshing character ESPECIALLY if you’re considering stranger things within the horror genre which is often defined by these very specific archetypes of mothers and motherhood that i can get into if anyone is interested but like basically. love her <3

9. dustin <3 what an icon... i love him i love how he straight up killed a man and hardly flinched because it was to protect his friends and i love how he and his little girlfriend have a song they sing together and i love how he either has an insanely warped perspective on things due to low self-esteem or he just sometimes flatout lies to gain sympathy either way he’s a BABY and he’s so FUNNY and KIND and even when he’s scared he keeps going... ugh god and i love how even when he doubts his friends’ devotion to him he NEVER ever questions his devotion to them and he never ever considers leaving them behind or not stepping up to help them... he’s so brave!

8. mike is such a fucking BITCH but even more than that he is an ANGEL... literally his range who is doing it like him??? nobody!!!! graffiti’d the bathroom stall at school... hates cops.... what a legend. also i like how fucking goofy and dumb his hair looks in s3. also he’s very soft with his friends and it makes me cry. ALSO he literally stepped off a fucking CLIFF he was ready to DIE FOR DUSTIN and i know all the kids have risked their lives for each other but this wasn’t even a monster yknow this was just... bullies.... threatening his friend..... and mike couldn’t fucking let it happen bro he was ready to just step off the edge to keep dustin safe and it’s SO MUCH... and god the kindness he showed el when they first met!!! he’s a total angel and a total shithead and it’s amazing.

7. lucas my tiny baby hero.... he’s so strong and cool and capable yet at the same time he’s such a COMPLETE dork!!! he very seriously believes his slingshot wrist rocket is a lethal weapon and then he ACTUALLY USES IT AS A LETHAL WEAPON TO SAVE HIMSELF AND HIS FRIENDS!!! he hacks off a giant monster’s freaky tentacle arm thing with an axe to save his friend AND he keeps a bunch of action figures and random dice on his bedside table bro he just thinks they’re neat!!! like... i genuinely love him so much god he cares so much about his friends and he’s so brave and smart and loving... i know he is not tiny anymore but he is my tiny baby hero okay...

6. hopper! big man care for little girl... protect and love kids... dance to dad music... be goofy and hot... have trauma.... admit his faults and attempt to grow from them.... what's not to love?

5. jonathan... look i can’t explain it except that he loves his goddamn baby brother so much and i’m a sucker with extensive headcanons alright!

4. el!!! feral little darling girl!!! i literally cannot articulate the love that floods my heart whenever i see her face or think about her for too long she’s just... so strong but more than that she’s so incredibly KIND!! when she has every reason to be selfish and cruel and yeah at times she does let herself get a little mean but on the whole she’s always so goddamn kind and loving and selfless no matter how afraid she is or how she’s hurting... and i hope that with her powers gone in s4 she’ll maybe learn how to see herself as more than a tool to protect those she loves yknow but that’s off topic skdncmn i just think that el is such an incredible character with such depth!! she can be so grave and mature yet she’s still such an innocent child at the same time, and i think that both the writing and mbb’s acting are handled such that both of these things WORK and feel real and they make el (and her trauma) so believable. i just love her to death.

3. robin, light of my lesbian little life!! unfortunately she's wayyy too much like me to snag the top spot lmao. maybe once we get another season with her she’ll trample the competition but for now my baby is in a solid third place <3 i’ve never seen a lesbian on screen who i felt so accurately represented me and my experiences!! she feels so real and in just one season she’s become one of my favorites on the whole show, and i cannot fucking wait to see what else we learn about her and what development we see from her in s4. 

2. as u may have guessed... max!! i know i said this was my subjective opinion but here i’ll just say it: max is objectively one of the best characters on the show. she’s so strong and funny and quick on her feet while harboring some real pain and insecurity at the same time, and both of these aspects of her character are married perfectly, logically connecting to one another and joining with sadie’s incredible acting to create an amazing character who feels just... so real!! i absolutely adore her and i CONSTANTLY tear up just from thinking about her skdncmn...

1. what if my number one wasn't steve. like can y'all imagine???? if i just said like will or some shit???? genuinely i did consider giving max or robin top billing here but i just Can't i've dedicated too goddamn much of my life to steve harrington to deny that he's my one and only. is there anything to say that hasn't already been said? look at the bitch. just look at him. 

what other answer could there be?

[bluejayblueskies]

For the writer questions 8,12,27,35 and for the reader side of things F, P, % and is there a fandom or ship you wish had more fic for you to read (because I am not awake enough to figure out how to make that symbol)?

fic writer/reader asks!

(this is a bit long so i've stuck most of it under a cut)

8. Ever written something inspired by other fanworks?

Officially no, but sometimes I have art lingering in the back of my mind when I write something. Two examples off the top of my head are i will finally know peace, loosely inspired by this art, and ascension (one of my whumptober fics), loosely inspired by this art.

12. One-shots or multichapters?

I wish I could say multichapters because a lot of my current ideas cater best to multichapters, but one-shots. They're quick and simple, I don't have to worry about not completing them because they're already done, and I don't have to worry about getting bored with the idea halfway through. Of my current fics on Ao3, only two are actual multichapter fics (I have a few 'multichapter' fics that are actually groups of oneshots), neither of which are complete yet, and with RQBB it'll be three. I am planning on finishing IWBTA soon though, so then it'll only be SUU that's incomplete and I... have not yet decided if it'll be staying that way or not.

27. Favorite quote from one of your fics

This is always so hard for me because I have *checks notes* 64 fics on Ao3 to choose from, not including the fact that a few of those are one-shot collections, and I somehow still want to use a quote from RQBB and I can't. The only one sticking in my mind rn is from portrait of shattered glass which is a fun fic bc despite going down like a lead balloon on Ao3 it's one of my favorites:

Martin had looked at him with cloying concern and said, “Are you sure you’re okay, Jon?” after the tape had clicked off and Jon had become, once again, quite aware of the fact that his skin was peppered with holes.

He had dozens. Gertrude Robinson had three. And he wasn’t sure which scared him more.

It's one of my favorite (clever? witty?) lines that i've written <3

35. Favorite story you’ve written?

This one is also hard because 64 fics and also I'm tempted to say RQBB. I'm going to throw a dart at my top five and choose: can i be gentle? because I love Tim character studies and I love Tim lives fics and I love the complexity of Jon and Tim's s2-3 relationship and this fic has all three.

F. Favorite trope(s)

Okay since this is in the reading section I'll do top 5 favorite tropes to read and not to write (they're different). In no particular order:

1. Fake Dating - I am not immune to fake dating fics, both the traditional kind (practice kisses my beloved) and the reinvented kind (like in a consideration of tropes)

2. Hurt/Comfort - whether emotional or physical, I will never have enough of hurt/comfort, and there are some excellent ones in the TMA fandom!

3. Hanahaki - all kinds, but especially the kind that deviates from 'unrequited love' and adds more complexity

4. Selkies - never something I read prior to TMA but now one of my favorites!

5. Parents/Kid fic - what can I say--I really like fics where jmart are parents. Bonus points if it's also angsty (thinking of Do It All Anew)

P. Do you use author’s bookmarks to find more fic you might like?

Nope! I never knew this was something people did until somebody told me they use my bookmarks to find fics haha. I do use recommendations though, either via tumblr reblogs or discord servers, and I also find a surprising amount of fics from the ao3-themagnusarchives blog on tumblr, which puts the feed on my dashboard. Since I don't really go browsing through Ao3 for fics, the tumblr feed helps a lot.

%. A feature you wish ao3 had

A blocking feature, honestly. There are ways to keep certain fics from showing up when you search through Ao3 but there's not a way to keep a certain author from interacting with your works, and I wish there was. Also really wish there was a way to search through your history--filtering it by tags or content like with bookmarks--because sometimes I forget to bookmark things and I'll go through my history to try to find them and it's a mess. Also wish there was a way we could see every fic we've kudosed and search through them, for a similar reason that sometimes I forget to bookmark things. (I guess that's three features but oh well.)

§. A fandom or ship you wish had more fic for you to read

Hmm. I mean, there's already quite a bit of jontim content but I always wish there was more jontim in the world. Branching a bit off from fandoms and ships, I wouldn't say no to more selkie/merfolk content as well.

[shahidiwrites]

CONFETTI RANKING NO ONE ASKED FOR <3 But firstly can I just say their team literally said so what girl group era are yall taking inspo from? And little mix literally just said yes <3 UISDJOKOISADJ THE I N F L U E N C E S ON THIS ALBUM AHHHHHHHH i think it also sucks that c**** definitely took a toll on the album and i honestly think it was supposed to be released sooner BUT nevertheless it’s here now and i was sO PLEASED AND IM SO PROUD OF THESE GIRLS living their past life having all the fun with this album so let us go!!

1. Confetti. A powerful feel good song. Like this is THE Bad bitch anthem, like I can’t wait to be driving at night with my girlies blasting this. IT’S SO FUCKING GOOD. I love when the instrumental strips away on jade’s verse and it’s just the snaps BEAUTIFUL. Some of the melodies in here were definitely a shout out to girl groups like cherish and destiny’s child and holy fuck it WORKED. T H A T BRIDGE. LIKE. UGH. Vocally it’s a lot more stripped back than the rest of the album, and yet it’s still my favorite?? I think that speaks so much to Little Mix’s musicality. They don’t need insane vocals (even though they DEFINITELY HAVE THEM) to make a good song, like they know what works and they prove it every single time.

2. Sweet Melody. This song is so fucking clever. I know everyone has already talked about the way the instrumental literally follows the words, but IT’S SO CLEVER I’M MENTIONING IT AGAIN. Jade’s verse will forever be my favorite. She really set up the story with her verse. I love how the first part of the chorus is literally a sweet melody before it goes into the edgier chorus UGH SO GOOD. Not to mention this video gave us the first choreo heavy music video since fucking Salute ad that is a blessing in and of itself.

3. Happiness. “Remember I, I was mine. Before I was yours.” Honestly what else do you need? That line was so fucking iconic. The melody is so fucking beautiful, the nod to past girl groups was very strong in this one. It’s a different sound for them but at the same time extremely them??? I love the lyrical content SO MUCH. it’s such a feel good powerful song. The bridge of perrie belting and then the beautiful quick breakdown before they go back into the chorus ugh so fucking good. 

4. If You Want My Love. This song punched me in the face the second it started with Jade and didn’t stop until the fucking end. This was SUCH a spot on nod to past girl groups and they fucking nailed it. The chorus gives me CHILLS every time. It literally DEMANDS your attention in the same way the lyrical content is demanding to be treated right. The bridge had me meltING. PERRIES BUILD UP BELT?? Reminded me of About the boy which iconic we love growth. The melody is so fucking good AND THE ACAPELLA AT THE END??? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING??? so damn good. Everyone say thank you little mix.

5. Rendezvous. Honestly this top five is literally nothing but non-skippable B O P S. The fucking sway sample is ICONIC. It’s giving such motivate vibes and we all know how much of a banger that one is. Trying to imagine the choreo to this song is physically paining me and i’m so fucking pumped to see IT. I love how they have been consistently taking ownership of their bodies and flipping the gender expectations around. “i ain’t trying to fall in love with you” JUST ICONIC. Also reminds me of bloodline by ariana grande and also FUCKING ICONIC.

6. My Love Won’t Let You Down. This song needs to be longer. It’s so fucking beautiful. The lyrical content had me crying by the first line. It reminded me a lot of don’t worry by the 1975 but a lot more personal, it’s a very pointed song so it hits so differently than the 1975 one does for me. But holy shit it’s so beautiful, they have all grown vocally so much. “We can sit at the edge of your bed, tell me all of the fears in your head, and i’ll sing you your favorite song” This REALLY got to me bc idk it just felt like they were speaking to their fans i that moment and I know that alone can mean so much to so many people. It really did for me.

7. A Mess (Happy 4 U). I was not expecting them to start so deep, i literally felt like i was being let in on a secret it was so cute. And then the slip into that head voice, it was so airy and so pretty. And the drums in the background were very reminiscent of nothing feels like you which was a GREAT trip down memory lane for me. I also just love the message behind the song and the lyrical content is cute. AND THE FUCKING D R O P. U G H. THE FACT THAT THIS SONG ISNT HIGHER SHOULD SPEAK VOLUMES AS TO HOW GOOD I THINK THE OTHER SONGS ARE.

8. Holiday. WHY DOES THE FANDOM HATE THIS SONG SO MUCH??? IT’S SO GOOD. THE PRE-CHORUS ALONE !!!! EYE!!! It’s really upsetting to me and my homegirls why Holiday gets so much slander. The music video..... anyway the S O N G. It’s so good. So fun. A tune.

9. Nothing But My Feelings. Idk what this trend is of singing complete FILTH to the cutest little melodies but i’m here for it. This song took me by surprise tbh but i loved every second of it??? ESPECIALLY, the cute little adverbs in the background holy shit. They’re so much fun. And little mix + trap influenced is probably my new favorite thing so i need them to continue doing trap influence for my own sanity.

10. Not A Pop Song. I’m glad the girlies get to sing their truth at LAST. I also love the melody in this song and the “not a pop song” harmonies in the background near the end. I do think the verses are too short but i love leigh’s prechorus so much i’ll let the verses be shorter so i can get to her sooner. Also perrie kILLED that bridge are we surprised? no not at all.

11. Break Up Song. idc man this songs still slaps lmao. IT’S CUTE. But i’ve heard it enough it can’t compete with the new bbies on the album, but that intro gets me hype every time. And I still have fun dancing to it months later, but i’ve had it so long it’s been celebrated enough.

12. Breathe. I just feel like the verses were so much prettier than the chorus, like the lyrical content is so beautiful. Maybe it’s the instrumental??? But i think it would have been so much prettier had the chorus not been so intentionally choppy. The verses alone tho almost saved this song for me and made me put it higher but there’s just so many better songs on the album so it is here.

13. Gloves up.... is this controversial? There’s just a real disconnect between??? everything??? it sounds like three different songs tbh?? I love the lyrical content and the breakdown in the pre-chrous and jesy’s pause before perrie’s power vocals come in, but the instrumental is just kind of all over the place to me. idk maybe subconsciously i was comparing it to salute because that’s the writer they wrote it with but idk just not for meeee

[twicepinkmeup-imagines]

Myoui Mina ; all too well pt. 2

writer’s note : ok i wasn’t expecting to have a continuation of this but i already have a whole plot which will prolly go up to a few parts. so MINA STANS, REJOICE!!! ALSO, Jisoo from Blackpink will be making her debut in this fic bc i felt like she fit the character i had in mind the most so in this fic, Jisoo is a non-idol 😌

warning : angst (im sorry ill make it up to u soon)

tips : put on a song that you feel like would set the mood - trust me, nothing beats reading sad ass imagines with songs in the background

words : 3,318 words

PART 1

xoxo

“Are you ever going to tell me what happened with that girl you met at the coffee shop?”

Surprised by the sudden question, Y/N looked at the girl with wide eyes as she confusedly asked, “What do you mean?”

Jisoo found it cute that Y/N was trying to pretend that she didn’t know what she was talking about, but Jisoo knew that it needed to be talked about. Because the moment Y/N came back during their date after disappearing for half an hour, Jisoo just knew something big had happened and that her swollen eyes were as apparent as ever.

Chuckling amusedly, Jisoo leaned on her palm and asked, “During our date last week, you met someone who seemed like an old friend? Why’d she run out so fast?”

Now it was Y/N’s turn to chuckle awkwardly as she scratched the back of her neck before shrugging and saying, “Oh, she’s just somebody that I know a while back... And she probably ran out because she’s just naturally a shy person so..”

Jisoo gazed at Y/N, and simply just observed the girl’s facial expression before a memory hit her and she quietly pointed out, “... I heard you call her Mina,” Jisoo revealed, Y/N’s eyes saddening slightly as silence took over them before she added, “It was her, wasn’t it? The ex you always wrote about?”

With that information, Y/N furrowed her brows before quietly asking, “How’d you know? I never showed anyone-“

“You left it in your messy pile by the dining table one day,” Jisoo revealed before she quickly added, “I know I shouldn’t have... but I thought it was just one of your random writings and you know how much I love to read your stories.”

Y/N’s winced, her eyebrows down and closed together as her lips frown at the sudden revelation. She remembered every word she wrote in those stories and how intimate it was to her, let alone to another reader.

She wrote those stories in a place of pain, longing and love. Something she still has, since the day she left.

“I always envied how you wrote about her in your stories,” Jisoo chuckled sadly as she continued, “How the moles on her face was like precious stars and how whenever she danced, she was a swan who you couldn’t look away from. I saw it in your eyes whenever you wrote about her; .... I’ve never seen that side of you before.”

Looking away, Y/N simply sighed and ran her fingers through her hair before softly adding, “I wrote that a very long time ago, Jisoo-ya; I wrote that when I was still very much in love with her.”

“Can you really tell me with a 100% confidence that you’re not in love with her anymore?” Jisoo rasped out, her voice weak as she continued with, “Can you really tell me that? Because the moment she ran, you went after her without even looking back.”

Y/N instinctively shut her eyes as she took a deep breath and released a shaky one. Out of the blue, she felt a pair of hands on her thighs and when she fluttered her eyes open, she saw Jisoo kneeling in front of her with glassy eyes before she whispered, “It’s okay - I understand,” She reassured gently before continuing, “If anyone read your stories, they too would see the amount of love you have for Mina and I can’t stop that.”

“Jisoo-ya, I-“

“It’s okay, I promise,” Jisoo softly reassured before she grabbed Y/N’s hands and held them tightly before whispering, “You deserve to be happy the way you want to be, Y/N and I can’t provide that for you because deep inside, you already know who’s the only one who can.”

Jisoo then stood up before placing a kiss on Y/N’s forehead then grabbing her bag and phone right after. As she was about to walk away, Y/N grabbed her hand and stood up before she quietly said, “I’m sorry I can’t give you the same love that you gave me.”

Jisoo cupped Y/N’s face with her free hand as she smiled sadly while saying, “I’m just glad I could make you forget even for a moment... but I think we both know that it’s never going to be enough.”

“I’m sorry, Jisoo. It should never have come to this.” Y/N whispered, the feeling of guilt overwhelming her slowly, “I should’ve been honest with you from the start.”

“Don’t be sorry, it’s no one’s fault; I can’t keep lying to myself that I can make you happier than she did. I mean, sure, I can keep pretending but you’ll just never be as happy and I - I can’t do that to you.”

Placing a chaste kiss on Y/N’s cheek, Jisoo caressed her face momentarily before she whispered, “You loved her and - ... and that’s not a weakness, Y/N; that’s a virtue.”

Soon after, Jisoo gave one last sad smile before she turned around and made her way out, her last words scarring Y/N’s thoughts. Standing still, Y/N was at lost for words. Everything was changing around her and she didn’t know what to do next.

At the same time, Y/N’s phone had vibrated at the couch and that caused her to instinctively turn around. Grabbing her phone, she opened a text message.

From : Jihyo TWICE [8:33pm]

Hey, are you free to meet up?

Surprised at the sudden text, Y/N raised her brows as she typed a quick reply.

To : Jihyo TWICE [8:33pm]

Sure unnie, where do you want to meet?

Around half an hour later with the time at 5 minutes past 9pm, Y/N was now sitting at a park near Gangnam.

Her mind was a mess and she couldn’t think properly anymore. Shivering slightly at the cold temperature, Y/N felt a sudden warmth right next to her and when she looked to the side, she was greeted with Jihyo who offered a small and polite smile.

“Long time no see, Y/N - I hope you’re doing well.”

Y/N could only chuckle sadly as she greeted, “And the same goes to you, unnie.”

“I think you and I both know why I wanted to see you tonight, right?” Jihyo asked, her gaze never wavering and that was something Y/N has always known about the Twice leader. Jihyo was intimidating but it was only because the other girls were her family - her sisters.

Y/N nodded with pursued lips before suggesting, “How about we talk about this over a cup of hot chocolate?”

xoxo

Silence.

That was the only thing that was obvious as Y/N and Jihyo sat opposite of one another, eyes away from each other, at an isolated coffee shop nearby.

Y/N had spent time with the other members before but never after the break up. They were all very protective over each other so after the break up, Y/N was quick to assume that the girls wouldn’t want to talk to her ever again.

“I heard you’re dating again.”

Y/N quickly shifted her gaze to Jihyo, who was already looking directly right at her, before she chuckled awkwardly, looked away once again and revealed, “Kind of.”

“Kind of?”

“We broke up right before you texted me.”

“May I ask why?”

Y/N sighed audibly before she looked down at her hands and fiddled with her fingers while whispering, “I think you know why, unnie.”

Jihyo tilted her head slightly as she kept her gaze on the girl in front of her before saying, “Because of Mina?”

“Unnie-“

“If you loved her that much, why did you break up in the first place?” The Twice leader question, her piercing gaze never wavering as she added, “And you knew how much she loved you, and she saw you as her safe haven; so, tell me why Y/N - why’d you leave?”

Y/N looked up, connected her eyes with the Twice leader and she revealed joylessly, “Did you know how much it hurt me to see Mina being harassed, bullied and requested to be removed from Twice because she was with me?”

Jihyo couldn’t say anything, her heart feeling the pain in Y/N’s words as she simply listened because she knew that sometimes listening is the best medicine.

“She was called a ‘dyke’, a ‘rug licker’ and that wasn’t even close to the worse ones I’ve seen,” Y/N revealed, her eyes getting glassy as she continued saying, “The haters actually emailed JYP and requested Mina to be removed from the group because she brought shame to the Nation’s girl group; so, tell me unnie - was I supposed to just let that happen?”

The Twice leader felt sorry for the girl in front of her, her heart slightly aching in response before Y/N continued, “Mina’s anxiety was getting worse by the day and even though she kept telling me that she was ‘fine’, her cries in the middle of the night in the kitchen, told me a different story.” The girl revealed, a tear finally going down her cheek as the painful memory flooded her emotions.

As tears began to fall even more, Y/N released a shaky breath as she tilted her head facing upwards, trying her best to stop her tears while she quietly sobbed out, “I thought that maybe - maybe if I had just left and give her life a break from all the haters, then maybe she can finally stop crying alone at night.” Y/N then wiped her tears as she looked at Jihyo with red and teary eyes before she admitted, “I’m tired of pretending, unnie; I’m tired of pretending that I’m not hurting because... I miss her so much and that’s slowly killing me.”

Jihyo couldn’t stop the tears from falling from her own eyes and looked away from Y/N as she herself tried to wipe her own tears. She released a shaky breath and she couldn’t help but feel sorry for the girl in front of her.

Taking a deep breath, Jihyo made herself face Y/N and connected their teary eyes before pointing out, “When they forced you to leave, that’s when you should’ve stayed, Y/N-ya,” She croaked, letting tears fall as she added, “But I also understand where you’re coming from because that’s the same trouble I went through when my relationship went public.”

This caught Y/N’s attention as Jihyo sighed out, “The haters always said I was never good enough for someone like Kang Daniel and how was I just with him because I was someone who would never get someone better looking than him,” She recounted, her emotions getting the best of her as she added, “Every single day, I wanted to leave him because I wanted to do it before he did it to me.”

“I always wondered, ‘what if he falls for another girl who’s prettier?’ or ‘what if he falls for another girl who isn’t as insecure?’ because I never felt good enough for him,” Jihyo explained before she continued saying, “Yes, I am the leader of the Nation’s girl group but there are eight other girls who everyone said was prettier than me and yet, I was the first one to be officially dating someone; I was called a ‘slut’, a ‘whore’ and there’s more on that list than I’d like to admit.”

“Unnie-“

“But even when Daniel could’ve left me and trust me, I’ve pushed him a few times saying that maybe we shouldn’t be together anymore then he looked directly into my eyes and said that if he leaves, he’s giving them exactly what they wanted,” The Twice leader recalled, as she released a shaky breath and concluded, “I wanted to see you today because I know enough about you that you’re doing exactly what I would’ve done; the only reason why it took me this long to approach you is because Mina needed me first and I wanted to be there for her.”

“Then tell me what to do, unnie because I don’t know anymore,” She sniffled, her eyes red and both of her hands on the table top as she pleaded, “There hasn’t been a day where I haven’t thought of her and it’s starting to hurt - so, if you were in my position, what can I do to stop hurting this much?”

Jihyo felt for the girl, she really did. In fact, she was just lost for words at how relatable Y/N’s situation was for her. She knew how tough it is to date an idol, being an idol herself, so she can’t imagine the burden of a non-idol having to carry when the public finds out something so intimate.

Wiping her tears once again, Jihyo grabbed one of Y/N’s hand and used her free hand to grab something from her bag. Placing the item on Y/N’s hand, Jihyo wrapped the girl’s hand around it before saying, “December 24th, 6pm at JYP building; text me when you get there and I’ll pick you up myself.”

Y/N was about to inspect the item but before she could, Jihyo leaned forward and whispered, “This is your one chance to redeem yourself, Y/N-ya; don’t screw this up. I’m doing this because I like you for Mina. You’re a good person and sometimes, even the best break so now, I’m helping you - like how Daniel helped me.”

The Twice leader then gave a kind smile before she squeezed the girl’s hand and released her grip as she took her belongings and left.

As Y/N could only stare at the retreating back of Jihyo, she slowly looked down at her hand and saw an employee pass for the JYP building, feeling something she hasn’t felt in a long time.

Hope.

xoxo

“I’m home!”

Sounds of loud footsteps surround the apartment, 7 girls making their appearance as Jihyo took of her shoes before making her way into the apartment.

“Unnie, how did it go??” Chaeyoung asked, her eyebrows raised in interest.

“Did it work?? Is she going to be there??” Sana asked, grabbing onto Jihyo’s arm.

However, Nayeon then scoffed and cautioned, “I’m telling you guys - this whole thing is pointless! She has a new girlfriend, for heaven’s sake!”

“They broke up, actually,” Jihyo revealed, earning gasps of surprise from the girls in exception of Nayeon as the leader announced, “They broke up right before I texted her.”

“And that’s good news, how??” Nayeon questioned with furrowed brows as she huffed, “She couldn’t handle the pressure and left Mina to suffer alone - alone, guys! Why would you guys want her back with someone like that??”

“Unnie...” Dahyun perplexed, not believing her ears as she knew Nayeon was one of the closer members to Mina’s ex.

“Ya, Im Nayeon, don’t you think you’re being too unfair?” Jeongyeon protested, crossing her arms in defiance.

Nayeon then faced her best friend and rebuked, “Have you forgotten the nights where we had to calm her down from her anxiety attack after the break up?” She jabbed before she quickled added, “You were there with me, Jeongyeon-ah!”

“Does that mean she doesn’t deserve a second chance??” Jeongyeon spat, “There’s two sides to every story! Two sides!

Jihyo sighed and massaged her temple as she sighed, “Guys, that’s enough, Mina will hear us-“

“You’re unbelievable, Yoo Jeongyeon; after all the nights she cried to us, asked us why Y/N left and you dare say all of this??” Nayeon hissed, crossing her arms as she added, “Yes, there’s two sides to every story but she should’ve talked to Mina and given her a chance to fix this.”

“And now she wants to but you’re refusing to let her??” Jeongyeon argued before she added, “Do you really think that Y/N isn’t hurting too??”

“Wah, Jeongyeon, you’re really somethi-“

“Jeongyeon unnie’s right.”

At the sound of the quiet voice, the 8 girls immediately turned their heads towards Mina who was now watching and hearing their entire conversation.

The Japanese singer walked towards the group with her dejected eyes and her shoulders slightly down before she admitted, “If you girls know Y/N’s side of the story, you would understand too - which you should know by now, right Jihyo?”

Then all eyes shifted to Jihyo, who was looking directly at Mina, before she nodded slightly and admitted, “Yeah, she told me her reasons.”

Mina then nodded acknowledgingly, her eyes momentarily looking down at the floor before she looked at Jihyo once again and wistfully asked, “How is she?”

“How do you think, Mina-ya?” Jihyo asked gently, taking steps forward before she boldly asked, “The request of removal - was it true? Did they really email JYP for a removal?”

The Japanese looked away, hurt by the memories of the incident before she nodded and tried her best to hold her tears.

This confused the rest of the girls before Nayeon took a step forward and questioned, “What? What removal are you guys talking about?”

Ignoring the other members, Jihyo then crossed her arms and questioned, “Why didn’t you tell us?” Jihyo asked sadly before she added, “Why didn’t you tell me? If you had told me, I would’ve done something.”

“Jihyo-ya, I didn’t know what to do! My mind was a mess!” Mina defended, tears leaving her eyes as she continued, “It was triggering my anxiety and I was lost! I hated how they looked at me!”

The Twice leader then placed her hand on her best friend’s shoulder before she asked, “Mina, I love you and I want nothing but the best for you and everyone else in here - but how do you think it felt for your girlfriend to find you crying in the middle of the night when you tell her that you’re fine?”

The rest of them then looked at Mina sympathetically as it was Jeongyeon’s turn to take a step forward as she placed a hand on the Japanese’s arm before knowingly asking, “It was because they found out about you and Y/N, right?”

“And you didn’t want to let Y/N unnie know because you didn’t want her to suffer the name-calling; am I right?” Chaeyoung suddenly chimed in, her voice gentle and warm as she added, “But Jihyo unnie has a point; I can only imagine how helpless she felt watching you cry alone at night - which is probably why she thought it was her fault.”

“I didn’t want to worry her,” Mina croaked out weakly, her tears now apparent as she sobbed, “I was getting used to the name calling but the night I was told that they actually emailed the company for my removal, I just - I just lost it; I tried to hide it from Y/N but she found out from the internet and I guess... that’s where things went wrong. We fought and fought then one day, she just said that we weren’t working out. After I saw her last week and got an explanation... I knew then we both were in the wrong - not just her.”

As Mina’s quiet sobs took over the silence of the room, Nayeon huffed angrily as she gazed elsewhere while growling, “Those fucking idiots; they can’t stand to see us happy for one minute.”

“What’d you expect, unnie? To them, we’re just like properties that they think they own.” Momo chimed in, her own experience with the public making her angry.

“What do you want to do now, Mina unnie?” Tzuyu questioned gently, her voice kind and sincere as she added, “Are you going to talk to her?”

Mina wiped her tears and looked at Jihyo with hope as she hesitated, “Jihyo?” She questioned softly before adding, “What should I do?”

Then all eyes were back on Jihyo, who felt the pressure on her shoulder out of the complete blue, but there was no way in hell was she going to let this go. This was her best friend, her family and she was willing to go hell and back for her.

“We’ll just wait until our December 24th broadcast; everything will happen then.”

[thethirdwheel404]

Med Rewatch Series (#10)

S3 E10: Down By Law.

Episode Description: Dr. Manning sustains an injury while helping a drive-by victim and Dr. Rhodes finds himself in uncomfortable waters.

Connor being in ‘uncomfortable waters’? I can hear Ava bullying him already.

(also i wrote a little thing abt maggie giving ava a red bull so enjoy that little bit of content)

Let’s get into it.

-barry just yeeted natalie against a car holy shit that’s fucking hilarious

-will needs to chill the fuck out

-YESSSSS

-THIS WHERE CONNOR BRINGS THE WOMAN HE WENT OUT WITH UP FOR MEDICAL TREATMENT. AND THEN AVA HARASSES HIM FOR IT.

-this is one of the most iconic ava moments. (it’s first thing that pops up under the tumblr tag)

-ava overhearing connor not knowing his date’s last name. and ava walking over, already getting ready to make fun of him. barely concealing her smile

-the confidence with which she set down the file. she was too prepared and too excited

-this could just turn into a list of ava quotes

-”It must be hard, remembering all their names.”

“You know I read Derek Jeter used to send his conquests home with a gift basket. But a full cardio work up is... It’s much classier.”

-ava bekker secret baseball fan?

-Connor: “Jeter? You a baseball fan?”

Ava: “Oh, no. It’s much too boring. But I love gossip.”

-interesting. very, interesting... is it weird to anyone else to think about ava liking gossip?

-like the idea is fun and all but i hate the idea of ava being suuuper obsessed with gossip. it makes her seem way too shallow in my book. that being said, one of my hcs about women gossiping about all the shit men do to ava bc they know she’ll call them on it now has a lot more precedence

-i know she explicitly says that baseball is boring but i can’t get the idea of ava being a secret baseball fan out of my head. its just so novel

-HER SHIT EATING GRIN

- Connor: “Well, we will get you in and out of here as quickly as possible.”

Ava: “That’s what Dr. Rhodes is renowned for around here. Quick in and outs.”

Connor: *turns to her condescendingly*

Ava: *two finger salute* “I’m Dr. Bekker, by the way.”

-the lesbian icon jumped out

-also the fact that in the previous episode Ava’s mentor did the exact same salute. idk what it means but it’s not that important

-ava trying to hide her smile when asking the woman if she wanted them to contact her husband

-ava overhearing again when latham tells connor the woman he was with was doing cocaine

-ava smirking when connor says that he thinks the heart attack was from his sex and not the cocaine

-connor thinking he’s so good at sex he’s going to give this woman a heart attack

-he really drives All the ladies wild in EveryWay (sex, suicide. he’s the whole package)

-latham asking connor point blank “did you partake in the cocaine?”

-the ct team gives connor so. much. shit. it’s so funny

-also. ava just chillin at her desk looking at scans? that’s the kind of content i want to see. just her just being there. doing her own thing. that’s what i want

-THE GUY WITH A TEENAGE WIFE IS A REVEREND HOLY SHIT

-counting down the minutes til natalie drops dead (passes out but yk a girl can dream lol)

-sarah. back at it again with her rayon jacket and button up and backpack. the coffee cup only adds to the aesthetic

-connor being surprised that latham isn’t gonna let him do surgery on the women he fucked (twice, he might add)

- whatever you do, don’t think of a brown bear. are you thinking about it?

-maggie dealing red bull to people who need it. that’s a very soft idea

- ex:

Dr. Bekker is sitting at the desk in the ED. Well, sleeping, more like it. Her head is resting on her fist, her elbow precariously close to slipping off the the chair armrest, and her eyes open by just a hair.

“Dr. Bekker.”

Ava jolts awake.

“Maggie,” Ava says, strong accent cutting through, acknowledging the person standing over her. Hastily, she adjusts her jacket and scrubs, smoothing them back into place.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you this tired.”

Ava shrugs, seamlessly slipping back into easy confidence.

“Rough couple of cases. Nothing I can’t handle.”

“Uh huh,” Maggie says, unbelieving.

She sets a can of Red Bull on the desk with a knowing look.

“You need this more than anybody.”

Ava scoffs. “Those things? They are murder on your heart, come on.”

Maggie hums and walks away. Ava watches her leave, and when she’s out of sight, Ava darts forward, grabs the energy drink, immediately cracking it open and downing half of it.

- anyway.

- @punksarahreese that’s on you for making me believe ava loves energy drinks

- let’s continue

- sarah looking at charles telling her not to do something: I am not going to do a thing you said

- go off babe. it was the wrong decision but go off

- all the nurses watching this guy call nat a bitch:  👀 👀 👀 👀

- will being like: god that guy called you a bitch i fucking hate him

- and natalie being like: he is also refusing to let us treat the 14 yr olds cancer but you obviously have priorities

- sarah is so logical. she’s good at talking to people. can you FUCKING IMAGINE IF SHE HAD BETTER GUIDANCE (oh and less trauma)

- this is also the one with that hilarious screen cap of sarah holding a knife

- the way she is so calm about handing this patient a knife gives me anxiety

- THIS SCENE IS SO HARD TO WATCH IT SCARES ME SO MUCH

- sarah just in alone in a room with a man who keeps having visions of stabbing his wife. and her just handing him a fucking knife oh my god i have too much anxiety for this

- rewatching the series and getting completely confused bc norma is 5′7″ but she looks so short next to colin and the guy who plays latham

- AND RACHEL IS ALSO 5′ 7″ BUT THEY BOTH LOOK SO SHORT - WHY EVERYONE ON THIS SHOW SO TALL

- anyway. ignore that that’s not important

- I... the parallels btwn sarah offering this guy the ability to slit her throat (for therapy) and ava cutting her throat... i don’t know what to do with this information

- idk but sarah holding the knife got me feelin some type of way

- the way connor looks at ava with such contempt bc she... does her job (and his but yk) especially during the hug wtf dude honestly just stop looking at her

- this is also the episode where ava pawns off the patient’s hug onto connor. while yeah, it could ava just being annoying to connor by forcing him to hug his one night stand’s husband, but she did give connor due credit. (and something to be said about her being confused and a tad uncomfortable when the patient hugs her, which is why she pawns it off to rhodes)

- she also doesn’t hug the guy back, which is kind of funny, she never moves her arms and just shrugs out of it

- and like after the hug she takes a few steps away from the guy, really not wanting any more physical contact or attention

- there’s something interesting in ava’s expression when connor gets hugged by the guy, can’t quite explain it. i’m gonna go with it’s her trying to keep a straight face while connor hugs a man he just helped a woman cheat on, but that’s not all of it so

- or. okay, I think i got it. i think that that little expression when connor gets hugged is her rolling her eyes at him getting credit when ava did most of the heavy lifting. yes. final answer. i’m satisfied

- and her looking away from them is her stopping herself from laughing, bc connor is obviously not enjoying this

- and he’s so sad and angsty he can’t even play along with the jokes

- and ava smiling at him with pity as she walks in to talk to the patient, bc that’s really what it is. she feels bad for him bc connor is so obviously lonely

- and connor’s annoyed bc ‘dammit she does have a right to pity me i suck rn’

- med pushing the women are tough agenda LITERALLY SHUT THE FUCK UP

- you hate your women characters so much just fucking shut your mouth

- and will being like ‘ i have a lot to learn about women not being objects’

- and nat saying ‘you are way further along than most’ like no, he’s not. the bar is on the ground and he still can’t jump it

- i’m pretty sure this show doesn’t pass the bechdel test. holy fucking shit it doesn’t. you’ve gotta be kidding me. (at least this episode doesn’t)

I can’t believe this episode didn’t pass the bechdel test. The only convo btwn two women were like maggie and sharon and they talk about barry and oh my god this is infuriating god med the bar is so low. And I’m pretty sure most episodes don’t pass the test anyway. Will is literally the representation of med. He gets lots of credit for doing bare minimum things like giving women rights.

Anyway.

This was a good episode. We dissected a lot of unspoken Ava things, which is very good. Ava had a lot of moments where she was there, but didn’t say anything, and when your characters can do that, that’s when you know your characterization is very good.

The moments where Ava isn’t really doing anything to forward the plot of the episode but she’s still just there, doing her own thing, are hands down my favorite. Her sitting at the desk looking at a scan while connor tells latham he didn’t do cocaine could possibly my favorite ava moment in the series, just bc it shows how much of her own character should could’ve been.

I drew an interesting parallel btwn sarah offering the guy to slit her throat and ava’s death. i have nothing for that but go wild

This episode also showed us Ava pitying Connor, another new aspect. she gives him shit but she also pities him. very good ep for little ava moments

as always, thanks for sticking through it

-

read the rest here:

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5 / Part 6 / Part 7 / Part 8 / Part 9 / Part 11 / Part 12 / Extra

[dolphin-enthusiast]

hello my beloved morgy!! i'm alive and well! 💌💘💞 awaaaaa,, i missed you a lot darling!! even if its only been a few days, life is way more dull when i can't check in with you here :( i hope you've been doing well during that short absence of mine, and if things aren't going so swell, i'm here to hopefully cheer you up dear!! 😊❤ (1/10)

"i am doing much better now and i'm fully recovered, and thank goodness i didn't wind up hospitalized again!!! apparently my narcolepsy fired up crazily when i started to fall ill, and that ended up confining me to my bed, which was absolutely horrible (especially since i couldn't talk to you 😞💕) we still don't know what the illness was, but luckily i fought it off fast thanks to my family and friend's quick thinking!! i'm much happier now that i'm here again with you 💖 (2/10)

and oh gosh, you finished sbr??? ahhh that makes me so happy and so sad at the same time!! it's actually my favorite part along with vento aureo, and don't worry love, i want gyro back too, so you're not alone on that 😖 oh, and all those picrews?? lovely as always!! i love how much creative liberty you all take,, it astounds me!! and it shocks me that you all remember such miniscule details about me,, like the fact that i love the bahamas, ahhhh i'm so flattered by all of it!! (3/10)

i can never choose a favorite creative piece that any of you send in, i just love them all so much!! once again, thank you for all of your hard work and effort, i adore it each and every day 💕💕💕💕 thank you all for your well wishes and love!! my sister told me that apparently you mentioned something about people freaking out over me,, oh my! that surprised me a lot,, so any of those anons who read this, please don't worry about me!! (5?/10)

i assure you i'm okay, i just have a bad immune system and get sick easily, that's all!! but all of your concern means so much to me, thanks a million 💞 before i got sick, some friends came over since they wanted me to teach them how to ballroom dance for some reason,, it was very sudden but i was happy to do so nonetheless! i haven't danced like that in a long while, so it was quite exciting for me,, i am a dancer after all! (6/10)

i taught them how to do a basic waltz and tango,, they seemed to enjoy it a lot!! i suppose i'm a dance teacher now hehe 💞 oh, and last night, a friend slept over and we spent the night watching different televised comedy shows! stand-up has always held such a special place in my heart,, because when i was very small, i wanted to be a famous comedian for a long period of time,, silly isn't it? (7/10)

i would watch all of these different comedians perform and look up to them as inspirations,, i even wrote a few comedy routines to perform in front of my family when i was 4,, i guess i was really into it! now that i'm older, my aspirations have changed, but i still love to occasionally sit in comedy clubs with a glass of whatever i want, ahhh,, it never gets old ✨ (8/10)

ooh, and my mom and i were finally able to catch the escapee bunny from a while ago!! we brought him back to the garden, and he wouldn't stop following me around! i named him toffee, and he kept trying to jump on me for cuddles,, awaaaa it was so cute!! i can't wait to see him again 🌺 (9/10)

ahhh there's still so much i need to talk about, but its getting late here!! so i'll just continue on tomorrow then hm? goodnight amore, sleep well for me!! sweet dreams! 🌹 - love always, your amorous waifu xoxo 💕💖💘💌💋🌹 ps: you know morgy, like that one anon said, you also live in my brain rent free 💗 also, you are way too nice to me for your own good morgy dear, i swear, i can't stop smiling whenever you pull your sweet one-liners <3 (10/10)"

Im very glad to see ur back and fine darling, i acc forgot to answer all the anons but trust me my inbox was literally b o m b a r d e d w ppl sayin they miss u and wishing that u'd get better soon����😳😳 if anything i'd say the fact that u didnt end up in the hospital again is very lucky and relieving

I myself cant believe i finally finished sbr yesterday and goddamn dat ending was far from pleasant🤡🤡 imma just say shame on araki for killin off all my homies....no more homies all my homies are D E A D (as a matter of fact my fav is p4 but i think u know that already)

And wow u as a comedian? Ngl i did not see it coming but thats oddly cute?? Like just imagining a tiny waifu creating comedy skits and performing them is really amazing for whatever reason jdhshsn i still see u more on the v o g u e side of things doe👁️👁️

Even if u were hella sicc at least u managed to snatch wigs and teach ppl how to dance (cant relate watch me step on everyone's toes within a 10 mile radius, mine included) a n d summoned ur disney princess powers again in order to get that rabbit😩😩😩 i also love pullin one liners bc really ur reactions are g o l d darling and thats just how it is on this bitch of an earth👀👁️👀👁️

[thomas-mvller]

Tag games x 283129

Hello everyone so uh lately i've started to be more active on my music sideblog which means i've been hearting stuff like crazy for the past couple of months aka all the things i've been tagged in has been buried under all that nonsense SO because i hate leaving things undone i thought on doing them all at once and tagging a bunch of people so they can get a little distraction by doing them (as in, not all of them but whichever they might want to do)

Again: you do not have to do all of them, not even one if you don't feel like doing so! there's a game for everyone so hey!

Tagging: @havertsz @foreverbayern @germanynts @sherlockisonfire @debushit @sadiiomane10 @miasanmuller @elishamanning @abcde-fc @bbjim @littletentaclemonster @tamtam-elizabeth @minimalloss @pearfight and whoever wants to do this! if you see it, consider yourself tagged >:))

Alright, here we go:

1) I was tagged by @/tamtam-elizabeth and @/sadiiomane10 to post a capture of my lockscreen, homescreen and last song i listened to. Thank you both <3

I used to be very annoying when it came to changing my lock/homescreen so now i just don’t do that often anymore (previous to that my homescreen was a pic of lfc winning ucl OBVIOUSLY) also i haven’t really been listening to music lately but i did have a depeche mode phase like two weeks ago and this was the song i replayed the most so hey!

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2) “Get to know me” tag

Tagged by the always thoughtful @/tamtam-elizabeth , thank you and i’m sorry for taking so long ;-; <3

Name: Cloud

Birthday: sometime in november

Zodiac Sign: scorpio

Height: 5′4′’ or 1.65 (last time i checked..... which was like seven years ago)

Hobbies: lately it has been sewing facemasks 😂 that aside i like watching movies, random videos on yt, baking and crafting sometimes

Favorite colors: black, red and teal

Favorite Book: don’t think i have one :o

Last Song Listened to: barrel of a gun by depeche mode

Last Movie Watched: currently watching prince of egypt. if that doesn’t count then ben hur 😂

Inspiration or Muse: i really don’t know what to say here 😂

Dream Job: i still haven’t given up to my goal but at this point i just want a job that gives me stability and zero worries

Reason Behind my URL: Thomas Müller (German pronunciation: [ˈtoːmas ˈmʏlɐ]; born 13 September 1989) is a German professional footballer who plays for Bundesliga club Bayern Munich. A versatile player, Müller plays as a midfielde- okay no in all seriousness yess this url is bc of a football player 😂

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3) Ten songs playlist tag

Tagged by the joy that is @/foreverbayern and the always sweetest @/havertsz . thank youuuuu <3

Rules: We’re snooping through your playlist. Put your entire music library on shuffle and list the first 10 songs and then choose 10 victims.

Some months ago I made the mistake of transfering the songs i had in my old computer to my current laptop and there are some stuff that just........ should not be acknowledged so i can’t do shuffle HOWEVER i will choose ten random songs i’ve listened to/discovered this year (technically speaking is the same) so here it is:

art-i-ficial by x-ray spex

sunny afternoon by the kinks

desire lines by lush

paper cuts by incubus

pure love by hayley williams

spirit by bauhaus

no one knows by screaming trees

let’s love by suho

all we need is a dream by cheap trick

cosmonauts by fiona apple

bonus: you’re so close by peter murphy (god i adore this song)

I wouldn’t be surprised if these aren’t your cup of tea tbh 😂

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4) “Core aesthetic” tag

Tagged by @/havertsz - i’m sorry for the delay ;-; and thank you <3

rules: search your name + "core aesthetic" on pinterest, get a moodboard & select a few photos that come up

i can’t really use pinterest so i googled it instead, as you might’ve guessed this is what i got 😂

ps: i’ve been informed not to use pinterest so if you wish follow this post’s indications

ah this is so pretty, i loved doing this!

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5) 

Tagged by @/germanynts @/havertsz and @/elishamanning to do this tag, thank you all <3

rules: describe yourself with pictures you already have saved. no downloading or searching for new ones. then tag 10 people.

if you want further explanations for each pic... ask ahead 😂

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6) “bold what applies” tag

Tagged by the always enJoyable @/foreverbayern, thank yoooou <3

rules: bold what applies to you and tag a bunch of people

- Appearance

I am over 5’5 // I wear glasses/contacts // I have blonde hair // I prefer loose clothing over tight clothing // I have one or more piercings (had three...) // I have at least one tattoo // I have blue eyes // I have dyed or highlighted my hair // I have gotten plastic surgery // I have or had braces // I sunburn easily // I have freckles // I paint my nails // I typically wear makeup // I don’t often smile // I am pleased with how I look  // I prefer Nike to Adidas // I wear baseball caps backwards

- Hobbies and interests

I play a sport // I can play an instrument // I am artistic // I know more than one language // I have won a trophy in some sort of competition // I can cook or bake without a recipe // I know how to swim // I enjoy writing // I can do origami // I prefer movies to tv shows // I can execute a perfect somersault // I enjoy singing // I could survive in the wild on my own // I have read a new book series this year // I enjoy spending time with my friends // I travel during school or work breaks // I can do a handstand

Relationships

I am in a relationship // I have been single for over a year // I have a crush  // I have a best friend I have known for ten years // my parents are together // I have hooked up with my best friend // I am adopted // My crush has confessed to me // I have a long-distance relationship // I am an only child // I give advice to my friends // I have made an online friend // I met up with someone I have met online

- Aesthetic

I have heard the ocean in a conch shell // I have watched the sunrise // I enjoy rainy days // I have slept under the stars // I meditate outside // the sound of chirping calms me // I enjoy the smell of the beach // I know what snow tastes like // I listen to music to fall asleep (i did that for a long time and i sicnerely don’t recommend it) // I enjoy thunderstorms // I enjoy cloud watching // I have attended a bonfire (quick story time: one time when i was 12 my friends and i sneaked into our seniors’ school anniversary activities and they lit this huge bonfire near the football field, it was nuts) // I pay close attention to colours // I find mystery in the ocean (spoopy shit) // I enjoy hiking on nature paths // Autumn is my favourite season

- Miscellaneous

I can fall asleep in moving vehicles // I am the mom friend // I live by a certain quote(s) // I like the smell of sharpies // I am involved in extracurricular activities // I enjoy Mexican food // I can drive a stick-shift // I believe in true love // I make up scenarios to fall asleep // I sing in the shower // I wish I lived in a video game // I have a canopy above my bed // I am multiracial // I am a redhead // I own at least 3 dogs

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my god this is getting embarassing i had stuff long due ;-;

7) 

Tagged by @/tamtam-elizabeth. think you for thanking on me when doing tag games, i mean it :-: <3

How old are you?: 24

Surgeries?: one

Tattoos?: none yet ://

Ever hit a deer?: i have never seen one so... no 😂

Sang karaoke?: yeah... years ago 😂

Ice skated?: nope

Ridden a motorcycle?: had the chance but nope

Ridden in an ambulance?: nope

Skipped school?: a handful of times

Stayed in a hospital?: for a few hours

Broken bones?: nope

Last phone call?: i haven’t called anyone in ages 😂

Last text from?: my mom

Pepsi or coke?: coke but i don’t mind having pepsi

Favorite pie?: haven’t had one

Favorite pizza?: chorizo + corn + red pepper

Favorite season?: autumn

Received a ticket?: don’t even know how to drive

Favorite color?: black, red and teal

Sunset or sunrise?: both!

Favorite Christmas song?: don’t think i have one, maybe universe by exo?

Cupcakes or cookies?: uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh good q, cookies?

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8) “find your match” tag game

Tagged by @/tamtam-elizabeth, you’re allowed to punch me in the face at this point

Rules:

Take the test

Reblog this post with what type you got

Tag 7 mutuals to do the same!

I got the Dreamer and my ideal partner would be The Innovator ?)

Seek out opportunities to collaborate with INNOVATOR types, who combine your lofty idealism with a focus on pragmatic solutions. The grounding energy of the INNOVATOR can inspire you to apply your imagination to real-world change.

that’s deep fam 😂 but okay!

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9) “get to know me tag”

Tagged by: @/littletentaclemonster . thank you and sorry for the delay ;-; <3

nickname: cloud zodiac: scorpio height: 5′4″ / 1.65 last movie I saw: can you believe i managed to watch another thing while making this? anyway it was The celluloid closet last thing I googled: block site extension favorite musician: as of right now? depeche mode song stuck in my head: you’re so close by peter murphy other blogs: @/brltpop and @/s-lay-ing amount of sleep: as long as i can get (usually 7 or 8) lucky numbers: don’t think i have one dream job: whatever gives me stability what am I wearing: pajamas  favorite food: chinese, mexican and italian language: which ones do i know? spanish and english somewhat. i want to learn japanese and german :c can I play an instrument: nope favorite song: atm is YOU’RE SO CLOSE (8) random fact: my nails usually grow sort of square except for my thumb and index fingers, they grow round for whatever reason describe yourself in aesthetic things: ?????????? idk man, messy room? loose clothes? football? cd’s on a shelf, posters on the walls ?????

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MY GOD WHY AM I LIKE THIS????????? 

10)

Tagged by @/littletentaclemonster you too can punch me in the face

Rules: Bold the statements that apply to you, italicize your aspirations, then tag nine people.

AIR: I have small hands • I love the night sky • I watch small animals and birds when I pass them by • I drink herbal tea • I wake to see dawn • The smell of dust is comforting • I’m valued for being wise • I prefer books to music • I meditate • I find joy in learning new truths from the world around me

FIRE: I don’t have straight hair • I like to wear ripped jeans • I play an organized sport  • I love dogs • I am not afraid of adventure • I love to talk to strangers • I always try new foods • I enjoy road trips • Summer is my favorite season • My radio is always playing

WATER: I wear bracelets on my wrists • I love the bustle of the city • I have more than one set of piercings • I read poetry • I love the sound of a thunderstorm • I want to travel the world • I sleep past midday most days • I love dimly lit diners and fluorescent signs • I rewatch kids’ shows out of nostalgia • I see emotions in colors not words

EARTH: I wear glasses/contacts • I enjoy doing the laundry • I am a vegetarian • I have an excellent sense of time • My humor is very cheerful • I am a valued advisor to my friends • I believe in true love • I love the chill of mountain air • I’m always listening to music • I am highly trusted by the people in my life

AETHER: I go without makeup in my daily life • I make my own artwork • I keep on track of my tasks and time • I always know true north • I see beauty in everything (sort of) • I can always smell flowers • I smile at everyone I pass by • I always fear history repeating itself • I have recovered from a mental disorder • I can love unconditionally

Water an aether huh, i don’t know what to do with this information 😂

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if you ask me i would very much appreciate it if you do the songs playlist tag bc i need recommendations thanks. Also massive apologies to the ones that were due since last year I had them in my drafts i swear!

Stay safe everyone :D

[godrics]

Oblivious

pairing park jisung x gender neutral reader

summary jisung is oblivious to everything, including your feelings to him.

genre & theme fluff, angst.

warnings none

requested [✔️]

Jisung and you had been best friends for years, so how in the hell did you suddenly gain feelings for him? Was it because he dyed his hair to blue? Or was it because he got a girlfriend and didn’t pay much attention to you like he used to?

“Y/N!” Jisung ran to you as you were about to sit at your usual table, “Do you mind if I sit with Yeeun today?” His eyes were bright and hopeful.

You frown slightly, “Why are you asking me? Just go sit with her,” you nod your head her way, “It’s not like I don’t have any other friends..”

His eyes widen, shaking his head, “No, no, that’s not what I meant! I’m just asking becau-”

You shake your head, “I know what you meant, Jisung, I’m just playing. Go,” he smiles sheepishly before rushing off to her table.

You turn to your best friend, Heejin, and the two of you share a look.

“He’s so oblivious,” she sighs, sticking a fork into her salad and shoving a mouthful into her mouth.

“Tell me about it,” you grumble, taking a bite of your pizza.

“Are you going to tell him any time soon?” Heejin asks, wiping her mouth with a napkin.

“What? No!” You refuse, shaking your head, “He has a girlfriend!”

“So?” She shrugs and you slap her arm lightly. “Hey! I’m just saying.”

“I’m not stealing another girl’s boyfriend,” you tell her.

“But he’s your best friend,” she reminds you, glancing your way, “You’ve known each other since grade one. I would like to think the best friend you’ve known for more than a decade matters more than a girlfriend you just got together with.”

You shrug, sighing, “I don’t know. He obviously doesn’t like me back, Heejin. If he did, he wouldn’t be with her, he’d be with me,” you remind her, taking another bite of your pizza. “And, I don’t want to ruin our friendship.”

She sighs, lowering her head, “Dude, I just said you’ve been friends for more than a decade, a crush will not ruin your friendship when you’ve been friends for that long.”

“Still,” you murmur, staring over your shoulder at them. Jisung had his arm thrown around her shoulder, and you found yourself wondering how he had the confidence to do that, when he didn’t like public display of affection at all. You frown and turn back to her, “Maybe if I distance myself away from him for a while, the feelings will go away. Right?”

You don’t give her time to respond before nodding to yourself, “Good idea. I’ll do that until they go away!” You turn to her, pushing your pizza to her, “Finish that, I’m going to history early today.”

“But-” she tries to stop you, but you continue walking away anyway. She huffs, shoving her salad away and taking a big bite of your pizza, “They’re both idiots.”

8:02pm jisung♡ y/nnnnn want to hang out at the park tonight?

8:03pm jisung♡ i’ll buy you chicken wings~

8:15pm jisung♡ y/n, hello??

8:20pm you sorry, i’ve been busy. u know, studying for finals. rain check?

8:21pm jisung♡ that’s okay!! we can do it another time. good luck studying!! i’ll be cheering for you

8:26pm you thanks

8:27pm heejinnie so ur really avoiding jisung, huh?

8:27pm you how do u even know

8:28pm heejinnie he texted me and said u did a rain check bc ur studying for finals

8:29pm heejinnie ur lucky he’s oblivious and doesnt know ur avoiding him bc then he’d know finals are 5 weeks away

8:30pm you i just.. i want these feelings to go away so i can hang out with him like normal

8:30pm heejinnie ever thought of embracing them and telling him?

8:30pm you ... yes

8:31pm you but that thoughts gone now. he’s with her. it doesnt matter anymore

8:31pm heejinnie im just saying.. u never know until u try

Two weeks later of successfully avoiding Jisung, the poor boy finally caught on after his hyungs gave him hints, and basically had to spell it out for him.

After school, when everyone was gone, he finally caught you, “Y/N,” he grabs your arm to make sure you can’t just walk away.

You frown when you turn to him, your heart slightly beating faster at the intense way he was looking at you. “Hey, Jisung,” you greet him quietly, “What’s up? Haven’t seen you lately.”

“‘I wonder why,” he frowns, stepping closer, “Why have you been avoiding me?”

“W-what?” you stutter, avoiding his eyes, “I haven’t been avoiding you, Jisung.”

“Yes, you have,” he nods firmly, “My hyungs had to spell it out for me, but I realized you had. When you said you were studying for finals, it was five weeks away at the time, and you don’t start studying until a week before.”

You stay silent and Jisung sighs, “Why?”

You shake your head, “Don’t you have a girlfriend to attend to?”

“No,” he says, “We broke up this morning. You would know if you answered my texts.”

You look surprised, “What? Why?”

He shrugs, “It was mutual, she has feelings for someone else, I have feelings for someone else.”

Your heart sinks, again? “Oh,” you manage to say, “That’s good, I mean, that it was mutual.  No hard feelings.”

He shakes his head, “No hard feelings.” He hesitates before continuing, “You know, when Taeyong hyung told me you were avoiding me earlier, he also told me something else.”

“Oh?”  You murmur, picking at a stray thread on your jeans, “What was that?”

“That you were avoiding me to get rid of your feelings,” he says non-chantly, even though he was freaking out inside. He couldn’t believe he just said that.

“What?” You look up, your eyes wide.

Jisung nods, “Yeah, Heejin told Mark hyung, who told Johnny hyung, who told Ten hyung, who told Taeyong hyung, who told me.”

You stay silent and he smiles slightly, “You haven’t asked yet.”

“Asked what?” You ask quietly, staring behind him so you wouldn’t have to look at him.

“If I liked you back,” he says, and you look at him, finally being able to see the nervousness in his eyes.

You smile, getting confident again, having a feeling what he would respond with from the way he was acting. “Oh, right, well, do you like me back, Jisung?”

“... Yes,” he mutters, looking at the floor shyly, a red tint to his cheeks.

You smile and lean forward, sneaking a quick kiss on his cheek. “Good, because I like you too, obviously.”

Jisung’s eyes were wide from your sneaky cheek kiss, “W-what-”

“Come on, let’s go to the park,” you lightly grab his hand, not so tightly to make sure he could pull apart if he wanted to. But he didn’t. You smile, intertwining your fingers and pulling him, “Come on, slow poke, it’ll be dark soon!”

a/n: my writing is getting more horrible by the day

masterlist

[zackcornfield]

The Ultimate Zagene Masterpost

as promised, i’ve gone through every official try guys video from the past few years to compile all the Zagene moments (this post also includes The Podcast™). i’ve provided dates and will link to gif sets/tumblr posts for specific moments (because i’m Extra As Fuck). i’ll try to keep this updated with new videos, so check back often (also, please let me know if i forget anything!) 

under the cut, because it’s looooong.

DISCLAIMER: i don’t mean to imply that i know anything about zach and eugene’s personal lives, or that most of these moments aren’t just things between two close friends. was literally just complying this list for a bit of fun, and because i was bored. pls don’t come for me, y’all 

another disclaimer: i’m australian, so some of the dates i use could be a bit off bc i’m something like 18 hours ahead of these two lol

also: i know initially that i said i would include instagram posts and other, non-buzzfeed videos on this list. unfortunately, i did not end up doing so. i’m maybe thinking about doing a part 2 where i include these things? no promises, this list took so much out of me as is

without further ado...

Nov. 13, 2014 - Guys Recreate Kim Kardashian’s Butt Photo

literally first video with these two together (?) and eugene’s already lowkey checking out zach (roughly 0:45-0:47). oh boy.

Nov. 19, 2014 - American Guys Try European Swimwear

zagene riding in the backseat together

“your dick might be huge” - eugene to zach (2:58), followed by eugene staring at zach until he makes a joke. um. ok.

zach checking up on hungover eugene (3:11)

December 30, 2014 - The Try Guys Test The Legal Alcohol Limit

eugene instantly goes to break up the fight between ned and zach (4:41)

during the little bits where they’re testing how drunk they are these two will not stay away from each other… at 4:56 eugene walks from one side of zach to the other to get in between him and everyone else lmao

5:38 eugene reaches out to put his hand on zach’s back for no reason

6:37 (again at 6:54) zach has his arm around eugene, sorta leaning into him. no complaint from eugene “i hate hugs” yang

eugene’s little dance on zach at 7:00

January 18, 2015 - The Try Guys Shoot Guns For The First Time

the boys sittin together at lunch, bein judgey (0:27)

(1:10) whenever i see this, i always think of this post, so it’s making the list

January 25, 2015 - The Try Guys Try ’Fifty Shades’ Style BDSM

the boys beside each other again, this time holding hands! (5:46)

February 23, 2015 - The Try Guys Taste Test Jerky

zach’s lowkey super fond looks at eugene from the backseat throughout the video

March 6, 2015 - The Try Guys Try Magic Mike Stripping

2:15 eugene is sitting on the floor facing zach, rather than keith who he’s actually talking to

“i’ve given lap dances drunk” eugene i’m not even remotely surprised (3:15)

March 11, 2015 - The Try Guys Try Makeup Tutorials

“eugene your hair’s blocking me. eu-eugene? eugene, your hair” (2:27)

April 1, 2015 - The Try Guys’ Naked Sushi Prank

zach stopping to wait for eugene (0:24)

1:05 - ok… love this little bit. eugene smiling, the high five, eugene hitting zach’s glasses off his face, zach’s little giggle. presh.

April 10, 2015 - The Try Guys Try UFC Fighting 

0:00 - not even a second in and already into it. “we love you eugene”

(0:23) - eugene is fully straddling zach. and like… bouncing on him

(0:35) “i feel like zach might squeal like a little piggy and it really excites me”

(2:24) “can we all kick zach real quick” weird way of flirting but if it works for u bud

(3:40) little hard to see but eugene’s leaning on zach

when jessica’s throwing eugene around zach looks thrilled and worried in equal measure

“didn’t come here to fight eugene! he’s fucking crazy” (8:57)

“i landed some pretty solid punches on eugene’s beautiful, beautiful face” (9:12)

eugene like… lifting zach off the ground by his legs? (9:26)

eugene leaning down over zach’s face; keith: “now kiss him like you mean it!” (9:37)

May 6, 2015 - The Try Guys Try Pregnancy Bellies

(4:52) - group hug, but eugene’s got his arm around zach and like,, kinda leans into the back of his neck?

May 7, 2015 - The Try Guys Change Dirty Diapers 

just generally stood suuuper close together the whole video

May 17, 2015 - The Try Guys Try American Ninja Warrior 

“right zach?” (10:14)

10:33 - eugene reaches out to take the towel (offered to zach) to dry him

May 31, 2015 - The Try Guys Hit 90 MPH Fastballs

“goddammit eugene” followed by soft smile from eugene (3:22)

(5:40) eugene reaches out to pull zach’s robe back in place lmao

June 20, 2015 - The Try Guys Try Wedding Dresses

(0:51) “this is my day” - zach, while pointing to eugene, who nods, smiles, and his eyebrows look kinda raised too lol

(1:01) “eugene’s gonna look prettier than any of us”

(1:32) zach’s just like… casually stroking eugene’s legs

(2:27) could they BE pressed any closer together

(2:46) goin in for the smooch… iconic

June 26, 2015 - The Try Guys March In The Pride Parade

the boys at pride…. bless :’)

i have no real specific moments from this vid i just love it so much

June 29, 2015 - The Try Guys Try Not To Die Alone

(1:24) zach: “that’s some good ash.” eugene laughs at this like it’s the funniest thing he’s ever heard

(11:23) legendary hug/tackle…. the best, unbeatable, iconic,

July 12, 2015 - The Try Guys Try Irish Step Dance

(0:28) shoulder pat

also dance partners, holding hands, bless

(1:55) “i feel like my butt is tauter” zach turns and raises an eyebrow

(3:15) they go in for a group hug and eugene instantly goes for zach. when it’s clear he won’t reach zach, he pulls away from them all. interesting

August 1, 2015 - The Try Guys Watch Anime For The First Time

(1:17) zach compliments eugene’s hair

(3:06) zach: “yeah i guess we’re having a good time again.” eugene has the biggest smile on his face

(4:51) another compliment for eugene’s hair

(5:07) zach says something, then eugene repeats it enthusiastically and like.. kinda bites his lip?

(5:28) eugene leans over ned so he can talk to zach

these two are so in sync in such little ways like.. correcting ned’s pronunciation (6:03), leaning forward to laugh at ned’s joke (7:10), the hand gesture (7:14)

7:33 holding hands :))

August 3, 2015 - The Try Guys Cosplay For The First Time

8:41 - the boys dancing together

August 29, 2015 - The Try Guys Try Extreme Swimsuits

(4:57) eugene casually checking out zach (”i just saw zach’s penis” “yeah i accidently showed eugene my dick already” “i can still see your dick”)

zach’s eyes go straight (haha) to eugene’s butt when he walks away (5:11)

September 12, 2015 (from some time in August) - The Try Guys Imitate Each Other

“so, the one thing i know about zach is that- besides being adorable-” (0:47)

“i’ve been to many bars with him” (0:53)

“i have never been so attracted to eugene” (1:07)

ok but zach imitating eugene LMFAO

(3:30) zach crashing into eugene for a hug 

September 23, 2015 - The Try Guys Watch K-pop For The First Time

(2:16) eugene like… reading zach’s mind

September 25, 2015 - The Try Guys Try Korean Cooking

the boys cooking together

(0:36) “so eugene’s gonna be my mom” “i am not gonna be your mom” “so i got mom here to help me-” “i am not your mom” “so mom what’s the first step?” “i am not your mom!”

(1:10) eugene feeding zach (”thereee you go”)

(1:41) “you fucked me hard”

(1:47) “eugene’s a mean daddy”

(1:52) hand on the shoulder

(2:42) eugene just looks SO done

(3:04) “we’re a great team” :’)

(6:18) arm around the shoulder 

September 26, 2015 - The Try Guys Recreate Korean Drama Scenes

(2:04) iconic…. zach going in for a kiss. when will ur fave ever

September 27, 2015 - The Try Guys Try K-pop Dance Moves

(3:15) zach: *sniffs eugene* “still smells good”

(3:49) zach (lol and the others) wearing eugene’s clothes

(5:46) “let’s smell him again”

October 29, 2015 - The Try Guys Try Childhood-Ruining Costumes

(4:58) zach’s got his arms wrapped around eugene, trying to pull his costume off

November 1, 2015 - The Try Guys Get Prostate Exams

(2:46) “i’ve never had anything up my butt- well” ???????????

eugene looked like he enjoyed the exam way too much LMAO

December 13, 2015 - The Try Guys Try Therapy

the boys opening up to each other (just all of them in general) :’)

(6:17) as soon as eugene holds out his hands for the others to touch zach immediately reaches out, even before eugene was finished talking

(7:25) “now hug us!!”

eugene tries to wave off the hug until he sees zach’s arms then kinda reluctantly shuffles over

(7:28) ok zach is FULLY cuddling eugene at this point

December 19, 2015 - The Try Guys Break Into A House

(1:18) boyfs ridin off in style

Febuary 7, 2016 - Sexy Edible Lingerie Taste Test

(5:18) zach chose his nipple as the place for eugene to lick, despite presumably knowing it’d give him away bc of all the hair. go big or go home i guess

Febuary 28, 2016 - The Try Guys Play F***, Marry, Kill

(2:06) eugene noticeably reaches out to touch zach, pulls away, then moves his arm back over to grab zach’s arm

(2:17) eugene pats zach on the back

also… not zagene but……. eugene in glasses…………………

March 6, 2016 - The Try Guys Test Their Sperm Count

(5:47) eugene puts his hand on zach’s back again

March 16, 2016 - Which Type of Alcohol F*cks You Up The Most?

(3:28) “bye eugene” “where did he go?” “where does he ever go :(” why does zach sound so sad omg

these two actually weren’t super touchy in this vid which is weird when u look at the last vid where they all got drunk together

March 27, 2016 - Extreme Asian Food Challenge

(1:25) “do you wanna feed each other?” eugene gives a Look to the camera- “…sure”

(2:17) for the life of me can’t work out what eugene’s doing here. is he abt to put his arm around zach? put the phone in his pocket then quickly change his mind? touch his butt? we may never know

(5:19) zach’s “are u being for fuckin real” look still manages to be incredibly fond

(5:49) “keep your screaming to a minimum” “ yEaH eUgEne We’lL KeEp ouR ScrEamiNg to A miNimUm”

April 19, 2016 - The Try Guys Get Style Makeovers

(3:15) “first person who comes to your mind when you think of a well-dressed guy” “eugene” (same)

(8:29) eugene looks lost for words

(9:40) “it’s workin on me”

(12:22) “you look like a deleted scene from cowboy bebop” “that’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me” “you’re welcome”

June 17, 2016 - The Try Guys Try Not To Die At Sea

(0:40) eugene helping zach into the water

(1:22) while eugene’s fixing his hair; “i think you look good”

(2:06) eugene holding zach while he pees over the side (one hand right on his butt). good job being supportive? 

August 5, 2016 - The Try Guys Try The Ancient Olympics

(2:43) zach’s rubbing oil into eugene’s butt, which totally isn’t suggestive at all

(3:34) pretty much leaning into each other again, this time while fully naked

(11:15) eugene comforting zach after he kicked him lol

zach has that same worried/thrilled look he has when eugene’s fighting ned that he had during the UFC fighting ep

also unrelated to zagene entirely but steven’s in the background during the wrestling?? omg

(13:54) back to zagene zach goes to help eugene off the ground when he has his ass handed to him

(15:50) eugene shoving zach when he’s being a little shit. i’m also like 90% certain he said “zachary!”

August 27, 2016 - The Try Guys Danish Food Taste Test

(0:19) ok not super zageney BUT i did use this moment in this post (#shamelessspon)

(1:48) “i think we should lady and the tramp this” “no” instant cut to them lady and the tramping the food

(2:47) “i like watching you eat! it’s like watching a little baby eat”

September 12, 2016 - The Try Guys React To Their First Videos

(3:21) zach and eugene sassing ned

(5:06) “look at that big boner i had” “that was NOT your boner” alrighty zach

(5:44) “i didn’t want to hurt you...”

(8:56) zach’s got his leg lying on eugene’s

(9:13) leaning into each other

(9:12) “promise you if we get to 200 videos we’ll fuck each other” can’t wait for The Try Guys Try Guys (i’m definitely not the first person to make this joke)

November 4, 2016 - The Try Guys Try Distracted Driving

(5:11) zach gently brushes hair off eugene’s forehead

(8:47) eugene and zach smiling at each other so softly i’m....

December 12, 2016 - The Try Guys Crash Cars Into Each Other

(1:35) zach’s giggle at “demolition derby is basically backing dat ass up”

(12:34) eugene gives zach the most adoring look

December 17, 2016 - The Try Guys Try The Weirdest Beauty Trends Of 2016

(4:57) eugene’s got his arm resting on zach’s shoulder

February 17, 2017 - The Try Guys Prank Each Other 

(2:05) “you pick the stupidest pranks zach” eugene sounded so giggly here aw

(5:05) eugene absolutely cracks up at zach’s “stupid prank”

(6:13) eugene cracking up at one of zach’s pranks again. genuinely love how happy he seems in this vid

(8:30) eugene leans right over zach to point at his screen and zach doesn’t even think twice about it. doesn’t flinch when eugene touches his face to steal his glasses either 🤔

(8:46) zach’s fond (yet exasperated) face and eugene’s kinda giddy laugh

(8:49) highkey looks like eugene was going for zach’s hand. he settles on his wrist

(8:53) zach’s hand goes to eugene’s to try and pull him away. and then cut to eugene halfway across the room??

(11:11) (make a wish) eugene and zach noticeably walking apart from the others

February 21, 2017 - The Try Guys Try Virtual Reality 

(3:10) eugene hugs zach from behind and looks thrilled with himself

(4:38) eugene leans towards the back of zach’s neck to whisper something to be a lil shit again (”back, demon!”)

(8:22) eugene wanders over to be a shit again, a reoccurring theme for this vid

(9:47, but also earlier (i forget when)) when eugene’s standing with his renditions of the try guys, he has his arm around his version of zach

March 5, 2017 - The Try Guys Take A Friendship DNA Test

(2:42) uh the whole dominant/submissive thing? what kind of kinky shit?

March 12, 2017 - The Try Guys Sexy Alcohol Taste Test

just the fact that these two were paired together for this kind of video

(1:20) “did you put your sex inside my drink, eugene?”

(1:48) eugene leaning right into zach’s personal space

(3:09) eugene looks so challenging when he’s describing the blow job shot. he’s READY

(3:13) “gene i noticed that yours is girthier than mine” eugene’s Look. also the nickname

(3:34) zach is so wide eyed when eugene takes the shot. also eugene definitely looks like he’s showing off

(3:45) “oooh yeah, i’m blowing your job...” “...just take the drink Zach, don’t think about it too much”

(4:04) eugene guiding zach’s head to take the shot???

(4:12) “this is the worst blow job i’ve ever gotten” and all that follows

(5:41) eugene like full-on bites

(6:15) “to zach’s tiny, fuckable body” “ahh... one day”

March 26, 2017 - The Try Guys Wear High Heels For A Night

(3:22) sitting beside each other at dinner

(5:47) eugene’s got his arm around zach, hand kinda on his neck

(6:44) ok... i know some stuff on this list is a bit of a stretch but DEFINITE heart eyes from eugene here

(7:36) eugene’s got his arm behind zach on the wall, leaning into his personal space

(8:25) zach leans into eugene to say something to him

(8:26) eugene’s reluctant to tap out bc he wanted to last the night, so zach suggests they call it a night so eugene can take the heels off without feeling bad

(8:41) eugene has his hands on zach’s shoulders, lets him lead him out

(8:43) eugene’s arm around zach’s shoulders again, hand kinda bunched in his shirt (also, “tonight zach carried me home”)

April 1, 2017 - The Try Guys Drunk Fast Food Taste Test

(0:12) eugene - “when people are drunk, they’re more honest than ever” hey so i wonder why u two get super touchy whenever ur drunk  🤔

(0:17) “my pants are still wet from the other video” “no one- no one wants to see that zach” eugene says, while staring at his butt

(0:39) “don’t eat without me, motherfucker”

(5:30) zagene being all cute and giggly at the end

April 15, 2017 - The Try Guys Take A Lie Detector Test

ok before we begin... #shamelessspon here and here

(1:48) eugene leaning over zach, one arm on either side of him

(2:18) eugene looks so goddamn fond here i’m dead

(4:35) when it’s revealed zach’s made out with a coworker, eugene looks pretty damn smug

also eugene looking progressively more annoyed the more coworkers zach’s said he’s made out with lmaooo

(5:22) eugene wants to fuck zach. literally have nothing to add, it speaks for itself

(6:09) zach reaches out to grab onto eugene’s arm

(7:44) zach grabs onto eugene’s arm again

(8:13) zach reaches out to grab eugene’s shoulder again

(8:35) hey so guess what zach’s doing, yet again

(8:54) eugene wraps his arm around zach’s shoulders

(8:59) eugene’s leaning heavily on zach’s shoulder

May 20, 2017 - The Try Guys Take An Ancestry DNA Test

ok before i begin i absolutely love this post by @foundghosts which might be worth a look if ur into reading body language (i think it’s super cool, which is a surprise to no one following this blog)

June 13, 2017 - The Try Guys Re-Create Photos Of Their Dads

(1:51) supportive bf shaving zach’s chest hair

also zach talking abt finding someone in the voice over when eugene’s the only person in the shot with him?

also this ask that i got

July 29, 2017 - The Try Guys Try The Japanese Tablecloth Trick

(5:33) “just take your pants off”

(6:43) zach and eugene driving everywhere together gives me life

(6:49) mocking each other like 5 year olds smh

August 5, 2017 - The Try Guys Try Cuban Miami 

(9:36) sitting beside each other for a coffee break

(10:35) teamwork on the cigar wrapping

(12:11) eugene’s arm is wrapped around zach

August 12, 2017 - The Try Guys Ski In Speedos

(0:29) [”i see eugene, i click”] zach: “i click! i click!” eugene just looks fond and exasperated 

(1:53) eugene is giving definite heart eyes here (also his fucking HAIR Y’ALL I’M SCREAMING)

(3:41) zach reaching forward to run his fingers through eugene’s hair (living the dream if we’re being real)

August 26, 2017 - The Try Guys 12-Mile Wilderness Adventure

(3:21) zach calling eugene tf out

(5:04) what is this cutesy couple-style photoshoot going on here

(7:40) eugene and zach walking together behind the others

(11:41) during the group hug, eugene has one arm fully around zch while his other is kind of just awkwardly patting keith’s shoulder lmfao

September 2, 2017 - The Try Guys Throw A $300,000 Bachelor Party

(3:27) sitting together in the back seat (literally incapable of driving anywhere if they’re not sitting together i swear)

the shots dotted throughout the video of zach and eugene talking to themselves or the camera and leaning towards each other a lil

(18:15) definitely got arms around each other, also eugene’s smile aw

September 9, 2017 - I Have An Autoimmune Disease

(3:37-3:55) eugene messing around with zach

(8:10) eugene was with zach the first time he got his shot (other try guys at least weren’t there)

September 16, 2017 - The Try Guys Get Makeovers From High School Girls

(8:21) eugene looks pretty flustered when he sees zach in his bad boy get up

(8:35) “nice meme reference!” 

yo but the things zach says when ned comes out in his clothes... u sure ur straight bud

October 7, 2017 - The Try Guys Try Immigrating To America

(0:05) eugene immediately looks to zach after making a joke (looking for validation?)

(4:06) “i think i have a crush on... iranian eugene” “don’t have a crush on fake me”

(5:10) “you’ve been recently widowed” “that means i’m single”

October 14, 2017 - The Try Guys Try Roller Derby

(2:04) eugene glances at zach a couple of times, looking incredibly fond

(2:31) eugene skating towards zach to hold his hand is still the cutest thing ever

(3:03) eugene skating towards zach to make him jump out of the way

(8:06) eugene reaches across ned to touch zach’s hand, for seemingly no reason

October 28, 2017 - The Try Guys Test Who Is The Most Attractive

(2:20) “you’re doing great sweetie”

(20:11) eugene “i hate children” yang: “but think of our children, how successful they’d be”

November 4, 2017 - The Try Guys Become Groomsmen For Keith’s Wedding

(2:06) “take your clothes off, zach”

(8:17) “ok umm... just think about zach naked” this is such a weird thing for eugene to have said and yet i’m not remotely surprised

(13:08) the Look

November 11, 2017 - The Try Guys Bake Bread Without A Recipe

(9:57) great minds think alike :’) (also eugene apparently just lurking around behind zach)

ok also adding on the little smile eugene does whenever zach smiles at him. i’ve noticed this before but i don’t think i’ve brought it up yet

(11:08)  zach mutters something to eugene, shared smile

(14:25) eugene’s classic adoring smile

(17:16) “i’ve been asking for hugs all day!” says zach, looking sulky

November 18, 2017 - The Try Guys Feed Wild Animals In Alaska

(2:26) adorable teasing

(3:49) leaning into each other a little

(6:44) more teasing

also y’all we’ve rlly gotta hand it to zach for not checking eugene out in the clips at the place they’re staying, even if he is straight. like bitch i’m a lesbian but oh boy.....

December 2, 2017 - The Try Guys Make The Ultimate Holiday Calendar 

(9:08) eugene confirms he’s lgbt, to the surprise of absolutely no one

(10:22) zach FULLY checking out eugene’s dick

(12:42) eugene adjusting zach’s scarf thing around his shoulders (i’m not jewish lol there’s probably some jewish name for it) - EDIT: it’s called a Tallus or talit

(15:30) “touch my butt” “i’ll hold his butt”

16:52, 16:54, 17:23 zach tries to kiss eugene

(17:23) “wow gimel that’s three kisses!!” “noo! that’s not how it works!”

December 11, 2017 - Not Too Deep Podcast with Grace Helbig

(19:10) “yeah we hang out more than’s probably healthy at this point” [what percentage of your weeks are spent with each other] “um, approximately the amount of time you’d spend with a significant other” “i was gonna say 80, it that too high? like my waking hours” [and sometimes when you’re sleeping!] “it has happened, yeah”

(20:09) (grace brings up zagene) zach: “i love this podcast already!!” eugene: “you know, zach loves that”

(20:20) zach wants to do a try guys recreate fanfic video. eugene is more reluctant. read into this as you will

(21:04) “he’s a classic bottom, i’m a more prototypical top”

(26:48) zach is “obsessed” with the idea of a fanfic recreation vid

(29:13) another example of zach offhandedly mentioning how hot he finds eugene

(33:34) “you’ll get married, you’re a romaaantic”

(35:57) great minds think alike :‘)

December 16, 2017 - Male Sex Symbols Throughout History

(6:46) ICONIC ass slap

and eugene’s winning smile immediately after

January 27, 2018 - The Try Guys Race Dune Buggies

(2:31) why do they literally sound like parents arguing abt who has to tuck their child in LMAO

zach also puts his hand on eugene’s back a second later

(2:40) eugene’s resting his head on zach’s shoulder as he leans forward

(5:05) eugene doing a mini photo shoot of zach kills me every time

(13:14) eugene initiates the group hug, but doesn’t extend it to ned and keith when they come over

also side note but zach fits into eugene’s arms so well it’s adorable

February 10, 2018 - The Try Guys Race Dog Sleds

(3:59) watching them goof around together is so sweet

(6:04) zach’s like got his hand fisted in eugene’s jacket

(7:03) why is it whenever we get a candid shot of these two they’re always standing suuuper close together

[riviae]

⭐fave lines per chapter MoF? Also your personal fave chapter and why?⭐

[cracks knuckles] k, let’s get to it! (bolded sentences are like my most favorite line) 

under a read more bc this is,,, a lot: 

chapter 1: “Oh, we’re plenty talkative. A side effect of immortality, I imagine. When one can live forever what is the point in conserving words? I have all the time in the world, unlike you, nameless witcher, who will die a bloody, forgetful death. No one to mourn you. No one to even bury your body. You could die here in this abandoned hut and no one would come looking for you. That is the pitiful fate of a witcher, abandoned by humans and gods.” Regis grabbed the witcher by the collar of his armor and threw him, slamming the man into the wall. -regis hitting the witcher nail on the head–witchers in-universe are relics of a bygone era. they are a testimony to how low humanity would go to preserve its progeny, taking abandoned or stolen children & turning them into killing machines… :/// 

chapter 2: Regis nodded, pouring Geralt another glass. “We are quite alike, you and I. Family sounds like something made for other people. I am not easily tied down. The fiercely independent sort, which I’m sure you’ve guessed. This world we younger vampires have been born into, the one we are merely sojourners in, is not kind. It breeds fierceness and mistrust. Even among my own people, though I am popular, I cannot say I have any close friends. Vampires know of me, but that is all. I guess that is why you’re still alive. Perhaps I’ll find more in common with a witcher.”-another regis monologue; oh man, if he only knew what was coming. the irony is still hilarious. 

chapter 3: “Thanks. You’d make a good healer, you know. If you ever wanted to give up terrorizing villages.”

Regis laughed, exposing the tips of his fangs. “Perhaps in another life, Geralt. I enjoy being a fiend, to some degree. Healing sounds like a lot of boring, thankless work.”

“So is being a witcher. But someone has to do it.”-another nod to canon bc i love doing that lmao. good thing vampires can basically have multiple lives due to their longevity!! ‘cause joke’s on young regis lol 

chapter 4: A sense of déjà vu seized Geralt when he awoke a few hours later. He was perched carefully on the back of Roach, a certain vampire taking up the majority of the saddle. 

At his shifting, Regis turned to look at the witcher, giving a grin.“I do say, I’m starting to feel like your caretaker. Have you always been such a handful?”

“I…I’m alive?” Geralt said, tone laced with surprise.Regis rolled his eyes. 

“Yes. Thanks to my quick wit, I was able to drain most of the poison out of your system. Which tasted horribly, might I add.” -i apparently have the most fun w/ young!regis’ dialogue lmao. but tbh 99% of the witcher series is geralt’s friends taking care of him bc he’s a disaster and prone to bouts of, well, near death ^^; 

chapter 5: “Comfortable?” Regis asked, a teasing lilt taking over his voice.

“As comfortable as I’d be sharing a coffin with a corpse,” Geralt retorted.-ch.5 aka the start of the bed-sharing™ trope and also the beginning of genuine banter between geralt and regis!

chapter 6: “Thank you, Geralt.”

The witcher gave a small smile. “No problem.” Reaching into his pouch, Geralt retrieved the white vial and downed it in one go, closing his eyes. The White Raffard had the added side effect of being a mild sedative and tiredness—from the blood loss and the day’s events—robbed him of coherent thought as he felt himself drift off beside Regis. His head lolled against Regis’ good shoulder and he soon fell into a light slumber.

“Geralt,” Regis muttered with endearment, looking at the sleeping man, “you are truly an awful witcher.”-this is probably my favorite chapter tbh! we get a lot of bonding between geralt & regis, and this was also where i caved and made it a geralt/regis fic lol. i just think, in a technical writing manner, this was one of my better chapters. the scenes flowed well and i got some good banter in. my favorite things to write are generally dialogue and action–so i really enjoyed doing this one. 

chapter 7: The innkeep’s mouth formed an O, worry knitting between her brows. “Thank you for the warning. I’ll write a letter to put on the notice board. In the mean time, did you find your lodgings to your liking?”

“It’s fine.”

Regis grinned. “As Geralt said, the room is good. No mites, fleas, or termites. Quite the sturdy bed, too…”

Geralt choked on his ale, sloshing some of its contents onto the tabletop in his surprise.If anything about the comment and the witcher’s subsequent panic startled the innkeep, she did not show it. She busied herself by checking the wine glasses for dust with a cloth, a soft smile upon her features.“Have you two known each other long? It’s quite rare to see a witcher traveling with another person.”

Geralt shook his head. “No, we’ve only been acquainted a short while.”

“I think you’re selling our relationship short, Geralt. We both know a great deal about each other.”

“That may be true, but—“

“Time doesn’t dictate closeness. I think we’ve experienced much together. Enough to make us close acquaintances, at the very least.”

The innkeep laughed. “I must agree with you, sir. Many travelers pass through my inn, but none as chatty and argumentative as you two. You remind me of an old married couple.”

“Well, one of us is ancient,” Geralt muttered under his breath to where only Regis could hear him.

The vampire, to his credit, merely snorted into his mug, giving a tight-lipped smile.-lol more geralt/regis banter.™ the innkeeper is truly the mvp here. -also, regis’ thoughts here make me sad™: The vampire pulled the hood up as he waited by the noticeboard for Geralt, the warm Toussaint sun fixed high in the cloudless sky. Regis closed his eyes and listened to the chatter of passing townsfolk, the sound of children splashing at the bank of the lake, the creaking of wicker chairs and the clacking of knitting needles, and felt something akin to peace. Quaint village life… perhaps in another life, in a time where he deserved such a respite, he would have settled down in a village like Francollarts and spent his time as a healer. He could imagine himself living on the outskirts in a yellow-roofed home, spending his free time reading on the porch and giving coin to the village children so they could buy sweets from the traveling merchants. He could see himself living a full life and then growing old, giving in to the gentle lull of time, and dying in a room full of people who loved and cared about him—people that he too loved and cared about.

But that wasn’t—and never could be—his life.

chapter 8:There was a sort of natural aristocratic shape to Regis’ profile that the fire highlighted, his high cheekbones, strong features, and onyx eyes begetting otherness in the same manner that Geralt’s cat eyes did. He looked out of place in a village, as if he were instead a traveling noble who had taken refuge at the inn, content to spend the day pretending he was just like the common folk.

And Regis was pretending, to some effect, that he was normal. Human. But the witcher had spent enough time with the man to see the nonhuman traits he tried to hide: his pointed nails that clutched the stem of the wine glass, the barest glimpse of his teeth which gleamed white and dangerous from behind his thin lips, the reflective layer of tissue in his eyes that Geralt had seen glow in the pitch-black darkness of their room, and the man’s lack of shadow, as if Regis wasn’t really there at all.-geralt checking out observing regis in this chapter was fun to write. i like that witchers are canonly observant and whatnot for their job. 

also, this scene which i shamelessly borrowed from the book: “I apologize for leading you astray. But truly, you are much too easy to manipulate. It must be due to your youth. This world is cruel. It hasn’t broken you yet, Geralt, but it will and I’ll be there to see it.”

“No, you definitely won’t be,” Geralt said, pointing his sword forward.

To his surprise, the vampire moved so that the tip of the blade pressed against the center of his throat, scraping against his Adam’s apple as he swallowed.

“Go on, then,” Regis leered. “Thrust it in.

chapter 9: “Hmm, how lovely. Truly, you are everything I’ve ever wanted—and more.”

Regis cupped the nape of Geralt’s neck, clawed hand digging into his mess of white locks to tilt his head up, capturing the witcher’s lips in another searing kiss. 

Geralt melted into the touch, a warmth settling in his chest. He felt whole. Complete. It was beyond anything he’d felt before.-that dream sequence tho ;3c in all seriousness, i had fun writing this scene bc it was just.... end game geralt x regis. like how sweet they’ll be by the end of the fic. 

chapter 10: “Thank you, Geralt."

“For what?”

“For giving me something to cherish.”-dream sequences, am i right? they’re always fun!! and give me the chance to show what characters would say if they weren’t inhibited by their pride. soft & sweet and to the point--regis is slowly falling for geralt and he’s gonna just... meet it head-on. bc what else can he do? he’s not gonna leave geralt unless the witcher asks him to. 

[tidsoptlmist]

It’s a Boy-Girl Thing - E.D.

Authors note: I’M BACK! for those who care: my holiday was sO MUCH FUN OH MY GOD!! I had the bEST time!!! sadly school has started again and i’m drowning in homework again!!! 

disclaimer 1: over these past few weeks I’ve received so many asks about whether or not I was still gonna update this: the answer is YES!

I hate the feeling of letting you all wait or maybe letting you down when i’m not posting as often as i (and you) would want me to. 

the things is that (and this might come as a shocker) actually do have a life outside of tumblr. I’m in my senior year of high school and I trying to get good grades, so I can get into a good university next year...

I do love writing this and I am so excited to continue writing this story (and more!!) and I will not stop until this story is finished!!! I promise ahha!! I see those messages as a compliment (bc apparently you all like this very much and want to read more) but sometimes they make me feel a little bad/stressed because i feel like I’m let you all down... so yea..... I hope you all understand! 

(what im trying to say is that i dont really mind those asks but at the same time it won't help asking bc YES i will be updating: but only when I’m able to...) (which will be regularly again next week!!!!) (promise)

disclaimer 2: this wasn't proofread so my apologies for any (loads of) spelling/grammar error!!!!! im a dyslectic assclown who cant spell to safe their own life so yea... just a lil heads up

Part 9 一 ANIMOSITY

Summary: Ethan and Y/N are neighbors. And although Y/N is on good terms with Ethan’s twin brother Grayson, Y/N and Ethan loathe each other and are constantly in dispute. Ethan is a populair varsity football player, who likes to be in the spotlight. Y/N prefers to stay under the radar, while reading books and poetry.

Although the constant bickering between the two drives everyone around them crazy - the two live their separate lives peacefully. At least that’s how it was until they wake up one morning and every had changed…

PART 1 || PART 2 || PART 3 || PART 4 || PART 5 || PART 6 || PART 7 || PART 8 || PART 9 || PART 10

You liked sports. You honestly liked being active. But not in late summer, when it was hot like an oven outside and the air humid.

You could feel the sweat dripping down your back, your shirt completely drenched. Your heart beat banging in your head and your legs shaking. You squint your eyes against the intense sunset.

Ethan had made you run around the field all afternoon. He had made you run laps, do pushups, situps and all different sorts of exercises which names you had forgotten right after Ethan said you could stop doing them. After finishing you had dropped yourself next to Ethan on the grass: completely worn out.

‘What are you doing?’ Ethan had asked.

‘I’m taking a break. Actually, not even a break: I’m done! I think if I continue I might get a heart attack or something,’ you breath still went rapidly.

Ethan just laughed while grabbing a water bottle from the cooler he had taken with him. ‘What are you on about? This was the warming up!’ He threw a cold bottle of water next to you in the grass. Your hands quickly opened it and you gulped down half of the bottle before glaring at Ethan.

‘I’m definitely warm…’ You mumbled annoyed.

Slowly you had gotten up from the grass and Ethan had made you catch footballs for an hour. The sun was now setting and your whole body ached. You fell onto the bench at the side of the field.

‘I don’t think I’ll ever be able to leave this bench. I can’t carry your body anymore Eth,’ you sighed and wiped your forehead with his shirt. It didn’t help much: your shirt was completely soak. Ethan stood in front of you, grinning. Silently you watched the sunset behind the hills.

‘Let’s go home,’ you said, getting up. You grabbed your bag and looked at Ethan. He was still smiling at you. ‘I thought you said “you were never gonna be able to get off that bench”,’ he chucked at you. You rolled your eyes, but couldn't help but let a smile creep on your face.

‘We really need to head home though. Grayson said something about a party this morning and I think he really wants to go,’ you say as you walk towards the parking lot where Ethan had parked your car earlier.

‘Who’s hosting the party?’ Ethan asked you, eyeing your in a curious manner.

‘Austin, I think…’ You say, trying to remember what Grayson had said this morning. ‘He said Austin invited you both. And that it would be a big party. Apparently his parents are out of town.’

‘You should go,’ Ethan says, as he opens the trunk. You put the footballs and bottles of water and other training gear in the trunk.

‘I don’t want to go,’ you say in all honesty. Ethan rolls his eyes as he closes the trunk again.

‘Grayson and I never go somewhere alone-’

‘Yea, that’s kinda weird: you two should try to being more independent,’ you cut him off. Ethan eyes you angrily - irritated that you cut him off, but ignores your comment.

‘Like I said, before you cut me off: we never go somewhere alone. If Grayson wants to go: you go with him,’ Ethan says as he walks towards the driver seat. You walk towards passengers seat and get into your car.

‘I don’t like those kind of parties! What do you want me to do while I’m there?! Also; this could only go wrong. Someone will definitely notice something’s off!’ You tell him, trying to convince him why you shouldn’t go to Austin’s party.

‘You can try talking to some girls?’ Ethan suggests chuckeling, but quickly comes back from his idea: ‘Wait, no! Don’t talk to girls! You’ll for sure embarrass me!’

You glare at him. ‘What’s that supposed to mean?’

‘Y/N, you might have a 4.0 on your GPA but you definitely don’t have a 4.0 in flirting,’ Ethan laughs at his own joke.

‘I’m not that bad….’ You say softly.

‘You know what, I’ll go to the party as well. That way I can keep an eye on you so you don’t embarrass me too much.’ Ethan says. You give him another glare. Annoyed how he won’t trust you.

The field wasn’t far from your home. Ethan parked in front of the Dolan house and you got out of the car.

‘Do you need to pick an outfit for tonight too - or do you trust me to pick one out myself without embarrassing you?’ You snarled at him. Ethan looked unimpressed by your remark.

‘Nah, you’re good,’ he simply said, pushing a strand of your long hair out of his face. In the days that he had been trapped in your body, he had only wore your hair down. It was now that you relised it was probably because he didn’t know how to tie a ponytail with long hair. You huffed and walked towards the trunk where you got the footballs and other training gear.

You walked towards the Dolan house without saying goodbye to Ethan. You dumped the training gear in the garage and walked immediately upstairs. You grabbed a clean pair of undrwear and some basketball shorts and walked towards the shower.

You took a quick shower - the same way you did that morning. This time the towel didn’t drop and you got the underwear on in one go. You stood infront of Ethan’s side of the sink and sprayed on some cologne. You closed your eyes as you inhaled the scent: it was smelled very good.

You walked out of the bathroom and layed down on Ethan’s bed. The party wouldn’t start till 9:30 - so you had a good three hours to kill.

Before you really could think of something to do, Grayson barched into the room. These boys left eachother no privacy did they?!

‘E,’ he exclaimed as he jumbed on the bed next to you, ‘wanna play some video games?’

And before you knew it, you were walking towards Grayson’s room. It was practially the same as Ethan - but with different colored bedsheets and instead of a poster of a motercycle there was a poster of old looking car. You recognised Grayson’s Ford Bronco - altough the one on the poster was red in color. Grayson turned the PlayStation on and handed you a controller.

‘Dude!!’ Grayson yelled at you. You stared at the screen. “YOU DIED” it read in thic red letters.

‘I swear I shot them first! I don’t know how I died?!’ You said annoyed.

‘Why are you so bad at this game?! Did you lose all your skills while haning out with Y/N today or something?!’ Grayson said jokingly, although he stilled looked a little annoyed at you for losing.

‘No,’ you mumbed while restarting the game. Playing video games was more fun then you innitionally thought it would be. Grayson was good company too, chatting away about his day.

‘How is Y/N doing?’ Grayson asks suddenly. You huff, concentrating on the game, ‘she’s good.’

Grayson falls back on the bed, starring at the ceiling, ‘she looks good.’

His comment makes you forget the game and within a second the red letters spelling out “YOU LOST” fill the tv screen again.

‘What’s that supposed to mean?’ You ask Grayson, confused. Grayson gives you a ‘like you don’t know what I’m talking about’-look. You gave him the ‘I-really-don’t-have-a-fucking-clue-what-you’re-talking-about-so-tell-me-now’-kind of look.

‘You said it yourself E: she has a good ass!’

You look at him in shock. It was weird hearing Grayson making comments about your ass - well just any ass - without getting red and flushed.

‘I never said that!’ Ethan would never say something like that about you!

‘Yea you did, like three days ago,’ Grayson says while taking the controller from you hands. ‘But don’t worry, I won’t tell Sophia tonight.’ He chuckles at his own joke. He walked towards the PlayStation and turns it off.

‘Is she gonna be there too?’ You mentally roll your eyes. Your energy level for this party just dropped to minus 6.

‘Yea, so let’s have some diner and get ready for this party,’ Grayson says as he walks out of his room. When he’s halfway down the stairs you hear him laugh and say:

‘and don’t forget to bring protection! We don’t want any surprises in 9 months!’

thank you for reading!! leave a comment if you feel like it!! 

please read the DISCLAIMER at the top!!

also: 

- i wrote a short grayson imagine but its not that good should i still post it???

- do you guys want me to make a master list? if so: let me know!! my ask

TAGS : @asapethan , @gabrielle-stark & @coconutethan here you go babes!!

[prettylilparker]

10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, and 1

my masterlist :)

summary: somehow you find yourself by peter parker’s side when the countdown begins on new year’s eve and something truly remarkable happens when it hits one.

warnings: a lil new year’s eve kiss to bring in the new year, cheesy cheese, also one swear bc i’m from boston can u blame a girl??

word count: 1.3k ( i actually had no idea it was this long ok i see u soph lol)

author’s note: i’ve been in depression mode bc i just finished the most fluffy book series i’ve ever read so i just needed something a little cliche and to the cheesiest degree to cheer me up so hope u don't mine :)))

You sat beside the crackling fire, fiddling with the rings displayed across your fingers quite lavishly and pulling down the short fabric of your glittery dress. You just had to get away from the overwhelming and sweaty mass of people dancing, having found this little sofa with a cozy fire burning beside it and making it into the perfect escape.

You didn’t have the slightest idea how Michelle had even dragged you to Liz Allen’s New Year’s Eve party. It definitely wasn’t her scene nor yours, so of course, immediately as you walked into the apartment full of bright lights and decorations covered with the number 2018, you felt out of place. And now you felt especially out of place, having no clue where Michelle was. You could’ve sworn she was by your side a second ago, then again, you could’ve sworn that you didn’t have an affinity for that boy with soft brown curls in your chemistry class. Maybe, you were a little bit of a liar to yourself.

You tugged your phone out of your purse, tapping away at the screen to get ahold of Michelle, but of all times that your best friend could’ve not answered, it had to be right now; it was silent on her end and all you could do was let out a long sigh.

Well, at least the view was nice. You gazed out the glass window, overlooking lively and bumbling Times Square. It astonished you how when Liz returned, she got to live in an even better place than before. Hell, you didn’t even think it was possible to get a better place than her previous, massive house.

“Peter, you’re fine, it’s just a party,” a panicked voice said behind you.

You turned, being met with wide brown eyes and a blushing boy. “Oh, I didn’t know that anyone was over here,” Peter explained, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly while his other hand gestured towards the couch you were sitting on.

“Oh, no, I mean, yeah,” you stuttered, the cute boy in front of you causing your hands to get clammy and the thoughts in your head to jumble. “I just thought I’d get away from all the hormonal teenagers for a minute.” You laughed, trying to cover up your rapidly beating heart with a nervous giggle.

“Oh, me too,” Peter agreed, nodding his head along with the words. “Is this seat taken?” he asked shyly, reaching his hand up and pushing back the strands of his caramel hair flopping down into his eyes, but one curl fell back down defiantly.

Your brows raised, surprised that this beautiful boy would want to be that close to you, especially after that awkward exchange. “Oh, not at all,” you replied, sliding over to make room for Peter.

He sat down, his fingers grazing the skin on your knee accidentally as he settled beside you. He quickly flashed you an apologetic smile, sending your heart into overdrive, all cartwheels and backflips in your ribcage. You exchanged tentative and awfully unsubtle glances. You took in his side profile while he admired yours, blushing profusely when the other caught you.

You could almost see the internal struggle behind Peter’s eyes, the orbs of honey flickering from your face to his lap to the fire then, back to you. He bit his lip, turning his body to face you completely. “We have chem together, right?” he asked, but it wasn’t quite a question, because he knew the answer. How could he not have noticed the gorgeous girl who sat a row back and four places to the right of him? Or the one who always answered the teacher’s questions, sounding unsure of herself, but always correct? Peter Parker had a bit of an affinity for you too.

“Yeah,” you responded coyly, tucking some of your unruly hair behind your ear. He actually noticed you?

“What’s your favorite color?” Peter asked, looking amused as you quirk a brow.

You were caught off guard with the boy’s sudden question. Looking down at your hands, then back up through your lashes with a slightly mischievous smirk, feeling a bit more comfortable in his presence, you responded. “Guess.”

Peter bit the side of one of his cheeks, looking you up and down, as if analyzing you would somehow give him the answer. Your nails catch his eye. “Blue.”

“What gave it away?” You laughed nervously, his answer being spot on. 

The happy sound passing your lips made Peter smile brighter before answering. “Your nails.”

You follow his line of sight to your baby blue nails, tucking them under your thighs. And that blue sweater you own, you thought, but didn’t voice. You adored that sweater.

“What about yours?” You query, wanting to continue this conversation for as long as possible; the first real time you guys talked, not just when you were put together in a short group project, or forced to give peer edits, or when you accidentally bumped into the hallway. No, this was real. He was real.

This wasn’t just an affinity anymore: the far off idea of befriending (and possibly becoming more than a friend with) Peter Parker. No, this was real, because you were actually close enough to count the freckles littered along the curve of his nose, not just imagining the seemingly endless number. This was real and so was he and so were his countless freckles.

A blush crept along his neck and cheeks when he realized that you were staring at him, admiring him. He cracked a crooked grin, rubbing the back of his neck, then trying to push back that pesky curl again. “It’s a tie between red and blue.”

You were about to say something about how cute it was that his hair did that naturally, the curl falling down over his forehead so utterly endearing to you. You opened your mouth, when the two of you overheard the screams of numbers; the countdown to midnight; the countdown to the new year. They were counting down already and you felt as if you were about to faint.

You hadn’t had your first kiss yet, and looking up at Peter, you weren’t sure if he had had his first either. You knew that he had a crush on Liz Allen. Who wouldn’t? She was so pretty and put together... were you pretty and put together?

10

Peter’s hands were sweating, so he was quick to brush them off on his pants.

9

Peter edged his body closer to you.

8

Did he want to kiss you? you thought.

7

Peter looked down at his hands that were shaking shaking shaking.

6

Did you notice how nervous he was? he thought.

5

He was leaning in now. Fuck it, he thought.

4

Time was moving so slowly, but so quickly, all at once and there you were on a couch at Liz Allen’s New Year’s Eve Party with Peter Parker, who seemed like he actually did want to kiss you.

3

His fingers grazed your cheek, before grasping it, a yearning in his actions; a need. He definitely wanted to kiss you.

2

Your cheeks were blazing hot. You looked down at Peter’s lips, your tongue flitting over your own subconsciously.

1

You heard kazoos and hoots and all other kinds of celebration happening just a few feet away from the two of you; everyone was bringing in the new year. But, Peter Parker wanted to bring in the new year with you, away from them, secluded in your own little spot by the crackling fire.

You moved the slightest bit closer, so that your lips finally connected, the suspense too much for your impatience as your lips pressed firmly against the boy you’d dreamt of doing this with for what seemed like years, but only a few months. It was actually happening. You were kissing Peter Benjamin Parker, the boy you had an undeniable affinity for.

tags: @darling-parker @augurydemon @spidey-schxyler @the-crime-fighting-spider @parkerstcr @honeynutholland @flawlessshitt @the-spectacular-spiderfan @everythingthatisrandom @tohollandback @royal1958 @buckylicious 

hmu w an ask if u wanna be tagged in my fics :)

[shultzing]

7/29/2018: did i already say how much of an angel this guy is

8/13/2018: i’m so mad that i’m dating someone so much cuter than me. i never intended for this to happen. my type is usually men who are just above average looking, which I was happy with. now, i have to constantly think about how i look bc I know everyone around us has GOT to be thinking like, wtf is that beautiful man doing w/ that scrubby looking twig in the ancient clothes?? and like... he HAS to know. idc so much if other people are wondering how i got w/ him as long as HE isn’t like... damn, i could be doing so much better... anyways kill me, he is too fucking handsome and this birth control is making my skin break out really bad.

8/22/2018: this whole thing about being in a casual relationship is weird and tbh i’m less and less a fan. maybe i need to grow tf up but like, here’s an example. I’m going to a show friday night that’s literally 5 minutes from his house, and i know he’s free friday, and yet i won’t invite him bc i don’t want to see him there bc i don’t want him to be part of my local music world bc then he’ll mean that much more to me and it will be that much harder to feel and act casual. so that feels shitty. and like, i could totally skip the show and just go hang out w/ him, but I know he’s not planning his life around me, so I don’t want to get myself into a frame of mind where i’m sacrificing my stuff to be w/ him, so i make a point to not plan around him and not cancel plans for him. But getting to a point where i actively don’t want him to come to things w/ me is like some kind of accomplishment but also feels like a battle i don’t want to win? like i’m getting too good at it. at first i was like... struggling w/ it and he could probably tell? esp by how much i texted him and what kinds of texts i sent. but now i’m like, i’ve got a handle on it. i’m good. and it makes me sad. like what is the point of a casual relationship? what’s the point of a relationship you barely care about?

8/26/2018: conflict resolution like bosses >:) i know it’s just a beginning but we didn’t ever even get to a point of real conflict, although we were both approaching the subject at hand from wildly different perspectives and pretty high stakes. no insults or even criticisms, just explaining ourselves, being honest, and both quick to apologize. He definitely gets flustered and then gets a lot less precise about what he’s saying but then he’ll circle back to it when he’s had a minute to process/calm down and can fix whatever he mis-explained previously. It’s good to be back to good. 

8/28/2018: first use of a pet name: drunk text -- “Goodnight cutie. Sweet dreams and I’ll talk to you tomorrow <3″

8/31/2018: the way he reacted when i got suddenly skittish/stressed out was a startling moment in a really good way. He stayed so calm/supportive/reassuring. Who knew that was possible? 

9/1/2018: i think we’re becoming friends :’) meeting someone on a dating app, everything is backward bc the romance and skin comes before the friendship/knowing the person/etc so whenever we hang out for long enough to have time to get into decently long conversations and learn about each other or fight over whether william carlos williams is a good poet or not... it’s nice, and more special. Like, oh! that’s who you are?

9/8/2018: the way that relationships evolve is strange. like, a couple of weeks ago, just getting a text from M or not getting a text from him could change my mood and ability to focus so much bc everything was so new and uncertain and both exciting and stressful. now it’s okay either way. we’ve been dating for a little more than 2 months and things are getting to be sort of familiar and comfortable and less of a constant heart attack. the newness is still strange, there’s always some surprise. The other night he came over w/ his hair down and I was like ???? since when do you have hair like a young eddie vedder?? what is this?? but he was just like... yeah, that’s how it is right after i shower. i had no idea. it’s nice to literally get to watch someone slowly learn to trust you. he doesn’t act shy but it’s also easy to tell that he always has his walls up, I definitely have never seen them down yet, and that is okay. but the more comfortable he gets, the warmer he gets, and that’s really sweet. i’m frequently surprised by how competent of a person he is. he goes to the gym, he eats healthy, he’s a good boss, he’s a good student, he’s a good dog-parent etc. he asks questions like, “reading anything good lately?” and also corrected me instantly when I said KDC died in 93. he communicates clearly/gently/honestly. i’m getting to know some of his flaws, too. anyways i was out w/ a friend (allison c.) last night and we were talking about how shitty men are. i told her that the reason i’m w/ M is mainly just to get a chance to date someone who seems like he can prove that men can actually be really good. told her a story about how M reacted whenever i was having a bad moment and she was like, “I literally have goosebumps rn.” it was cute. reminded me not to take him for granted while he’s in my life. hope i’m not.

9/11/2018: M’s coming over tomorrow and i can’t waittttt. We try to see each other twice a week but sometimes it doesn’t happen and then it feels like forever. But now it’s less than 24 hours until i can hold his hands and kiss his face and i’m so ready.

9/13/2018: If this relationship is going to stick for a while... i can’t wait for the stage to come where i actually know him well enough that i’m not always overanalyzing/overreacting to every little cue. like there’s so much i don’t know that i can learn little things and be like WAIT WHAT? and get really stressed about it and i can’t wait for that to be over. how long til there’s an underlying level of trust/knowledge/comfort? 

9/23/2018: Okay so for the most part this relationship is starting to feel normal. It still doesn’t always feel real just because he is so segregated from the rest of my life. No mutual friends. no school to share, no work to share, no volunteering or show circuit. No one else has met him or even really knows what he looks like bc of a lack of recent pictures. I’m slowly getting more confident and comfortable within it, even though i do still second guess myself a lot more than i usually do. I guess i’m used to being fussed over and spoiled. But this isn’t like that at all. We’re both a) adults and b) busy and c) on opposite sides of the city and he’s still pretty reserved so I know I’m like, low-ish on his priorities list. Like i’m ON the list, but somewhere beneath going to the gym and getting a haircut, and about 10 miles below his dog. It’s fine, it’s only been like 3 months. Less than that. ANYWAY we’ve finally graduated out of the just-casual-relationship category and into the normal relationship category. Or, he said he thought we did a month ago, but I didn’t realize that’s what he was saying. So now I can stop filtering everything I say and do through that ever-present, “is this too serious?” lens and just do what makes sense/comes naturally. or something. I’m super excited about that bc that was getting really tiring and unromantic. 

9/30/2018: Uhhh, we went back into a weird “unlabeled” category where like we’re monogamous but nothing else is defined? Which I think is really lame but I also am trying to be patient and not pressure him and stuff. But I still think it’s silly and juvenile and kind of embarrassing. I mean I know he has his reasons and he needs to work through them on his own and at his own pace but for ME, it’s silly. Anyways. Still feels like there’s so much I don’t know about him or how he works or thinks or feels. But he still is always surprising me by just sheer level of sweetness. I feel like that’s always how I walk away, like, idk that guy but he sure has a kind heart. 

10/4/2018: Ok the back and forth stalling on what we’re even doing and all the associated casual dynamics have kinda killed the romance for me. like it’s cool and all but i’m done obsessing over the relationship and probably won’t be updating this anymore bc i really don’t care and continuing to write about it is just trying to make it a bigger deal to me than it really is.

10/19/2018: Nearly 4 months in and it’s still such a roller coaster, my perspective, optimism/pessimism and level of happiness change like every 48 hours. Sometimes i think we’re on the verge of breaking up because we’re too different or because we overworked the dynamics of our relationship too much. Sometimes i think we’re on the verge of stepping closer because our good days really are good. I’m always surprised by how complicated every little thing is, questioning where my feelings are coming from and whether i’m either getting carried away on good days or paranoid and trust-issues-y on bad days. And there is definitely also a background kind of darkness/heaviness surrounding the fact that the more time goes by, the more i understand that i’m really not even close to being over R. But on Wednesday he and I went to Red Emma’s and then took his dog for a walk and then watched princess bride (both of our favorite childhood movie) and ended up staying up til 5-something in the morning just lying next to each other talking about bullshit. Like it wasn’t staying up all night to work out something serious or anything. I don’t even remember what we were talking about. I remember at some point he started trying to recite post malone lyrics and could not stop laughing for so long. I remember on 9/8 I wrote that i know i’ve never seen him w/ his guard down and i still usually feel like that, but then sometimes lately i think it comes down for a second and it’s always really nice and makes me think it’s worth working/waiting for. It’s understandable that he’d still have a lot of walls up when our relationship has been so rocky and it’s still in the baby stages anyways. I know he must be feeling more and more sure of us bc the way his sister treats me changed distinctly this weekend. Like she was always super nice, but now she treats me like she expects me to be around/expects to and wants to make friends, which is so nice. He’s still incredible when I get triggered. Sometimes I just suddenly can’t anymore and he’s never even hinted at the slightest inkling of being frustrated by that. 

11/4/2018: “do you love me?” “yes. i do love you. its been screaming in my head to say it every time I look at you.” “then why didn’t you get me a seltzer water?” 

11/30/2018: “I’m breaking up with you, and I want to marry you, and I love you.”

---

update: this is going to be a running/updated post for all bullshit things i think about M but should be telling no one and should absolutely not be posting on the internet.