#i’m honestly fascinated by the disconnect between the way i think and the way video games seem to expect me to think

[mumblesplash]

man. not really an original thought but i’m always so deeply…annoyed, i guess, by media where there’s a category of instantly recognizable Bad Guys that you’re just meant to accept are Supposed To Die, because they’re Bad and killing them is therefore Good.

obviously more knowledgeable people than me have already pointed out the issues with things like inherently evil fantasy races and that’s an entire problem all on its own. i have nothing useful to add there, i agree that it’s bad. but even aside from that it just pisses me off. i can’t get my head around the appeal, it feels like the least interesting possible way to interact with a fictional world

it’s actually a pretty big part of why i have such a hard time getting into video games, even good ones. i couldn’t get more than ten minutes into playing breath of the wild when a friend let me try it out because i ran into An Enemy i was supposed to fight and it broke the immersion too much for me. why do i have to fight them? am i supposed to want to? why do they attack me? who are they? are they alive? sentient? angry? following orders? whose orders? what are they doing here? i kept asking all the wrong questions and they just kept trying to tell me which buttons to press to attack and eventually i got so frustrated i just quit and handed the controller to someone else

[hepalien]

Shrunkyclunks (Modern Bucky/Cap Steve) Fic Rec

Hate Sex & Hair Protocol by @maddiewritesstucky - Mature, 1.8k

SHIELD Agent Bucky, UST, Enemies to Lovers (in Steve’s head), Humor

They’re all full of shit, Steve decides.

His team don’t have a clue what they’re talking about, running their mouths about the way he and Bucky look at each other; the tension that seems to be at a constant near-snapping point between them.

'It’s called annoyance' Steve wants to yell in each of their faces, loud and one by one. It’s the pain of having to exist every day in close proximity with someone who drives you out of your fucking mind.

---

In which Steve discovers that ire and desire may just exist side by side in his brain.

Stop interrupting my grinding series by @rohkeutta - Teen, 2.5k

Nurse Bucky, Wrong Number, Fluff, Humor

“I tried to call Sam,” Captain America says, bewildered. He’s sprinting like Usain Bolt and doesn’t sound even a little out of breath. Fucker. “Who’re you?”

“Someone who’s watching you live on TV,” Bucky tells him as the tiny patriotic figure on the screen takes the turns like he instructed. Bucky should probably be a lot more freaked out about this, but honestly? After a tour in the Middle East and six years as a nurse in New York, even this isn’t enough to ruffle him. One sees a lot of shit in the ER. “Also, you better hang up now, that thing is behind the next bend.”

“Uh, okay,” Captain America says. “Thanks?”

“Whatever,” Bucky says, disconnects the call and turns the TV off to get ready for his shift.

Save a Horse, Ride a Captain by @galwednesday - Teen, 2.7k

War Vet Bucky, Meet Cute, Fluff, Humor, Modern Howlies

Bucky tapped him on the shoulder, swaying back and forth a little as he waited for the man to turn around. “Hello,” he said, and then promptly forgot what else he was going to say, because this guy was fucking beautiful. “Wow. Good face.”

Two of the guy’s friends, a man wearing a suit that fit so well it had to be bespoke and a man with a cute little gap between his front teeth, started cracking up. The petite redhead sitting next to them cocked her head to the side and pulled her phone out of her handbag. Beautiful Face just looked kind of pained, so Bucky redirected. He was a gentleman. He could take a hint. No hitting on beautiful guys who were uncomfortable with that sort of thing, no matter how lickable their jawlines were.

“Hello,” he repeated, doing his best to mind his manners. “I’m very sorry to bother you. Can I have a piggy-back ride?”

You Make My Heart Skip A Beet by @musette22 - Teen, 3.8k

Chef Bucky, POV Outsider, Fluff, Humor

“I made soda bread.”

Steve lets out the 6’2” supersoldier equivalent of a squeak. “Oh, I love soda bread,” he says eagerly, rolling forward on the balls of his feet like he does when he gets excited. “My mom used to make it all the time when I was growing up.”

The tips of Barnes’s ears turn red, and he mutters something that sounds suspiciously like, “I know.”

more under the cut

Cafe Au Écoute by @littlesystems - Teen, 3.8k

Coffee Shop AU

No matter where Steve goes, there's always the chance that he'll overhear a conversation about himself - or rather, Captain America. This coffee shop is no different. The fact that he keeps eavesdropping well past the point of plausible deniability is another matter entirely.

#TweetMeDaddy by StarSpangled - Teen, 4.1k

SHIELD Employee Bucky, Misunderstandings, Crack, Humor

Coulson, for his part, stares up at Bucky with such a betrayed look of frozen horror that Natasha actually goes the extra step and presses another button, capturing the moment and airdropping the photograph to her phone for posterity. When he speaks, his voice comes out as a hoarse whisper. “Why…?” He swallows and starts again, trying for some semblance of normality. “...Why would you tweet something like that?!”

“If you must know, sir,” and somehow he manages to make ‘sir’ come out with the same inflection most people reserve for ‘motherfucking son of a bitch’, “it’s because I have a difficult time doing my job when my job involves monitoring the man with the best fucking ass in the United States of America.” He slowly lowers himself back into his seat until he’s at eye level, making extreme eye contact with Coulson until Coulson turns away to make mortified eye contact in Natasha’s general direction through the one-way glass. Natasha would take another picture, if she weren’t too busy catching Steve’s red-faced sputtering. “Sometimes, I vent to my Twitter followers. Sometimes, it’s about hot men with washboard abs. Can I go now, or do you need a graphic description of how I pleasure myself at night?”

at first chance i'd take the bed warmed by the body by @spacebuck - Explicit, 8.2k

YouTuber Bucky

This close, Steve can see exactly how beautiful his hands are. He’s never really noticed before, or at least he’s never really had a reason to notice, but the man’s hands are large, tanned like he works outside all day. There’s an endearing callus on the heel of one of his palms, and Steve can’t quite work out when calluses became endearing.

Steve pauses the video. Swallows hard. Casts his eyes around for anything that’ll keep his mind off the hands on his screen, off the words inked into those hands, the delicate shape of a bird’s wing, the curling edge of a vine.

He looks down. The name of the channel is right there, blaring the man’s name right into Steve’s brain until it feels like he’s known it all along.

Bucky Barnes.

OR: the one where Bucky's a youtuber who solves puzzles on camera, and steve's smitten and horny

Came with my cool (I dropped it) by @liionne - Teen, 9.2k

Yoga Instructor Bucky

"When you said I need to loosen up, I didn't think you meant literally."

"I meant it every way. Mentally, emotionally, and physically." Natasha says, and thrusts a yoga mat at him.

there once was a diamond by bloobeary - Teen, 11.3k

Fluff, Thanksgiving

"You," Becca seethes, and hits him with a wooden spoon. "Could have told me," Hits him again. "You were dating Captain America." Final hit, Bucky laughs. He supposes he deserves it, giving her no more information than the fact he was bringing his boyfriend to Thanksgiving dinner at her house and then showing up with Steve.

Salt by littleblackfox @thelittleblackfox - Mature, 12k

Bakery AU

The cinnamon roll is gone in four bites. Four indecent, jaw-unhinging bites, and Steve sucks the last traces of lemon and icing from his fingers with a low, throaty sound of satisfaction. He glances up at Bucky, who is leaning against the counter and watching him with avid fascination.

“Um…” Steve says around his index finger. There’s still a little icing on the bed of his fingernail, and he stops trying to work it off with his tongue.

“You know those movies where the girl eats an eclair or something, and it’s really, like, sexually charged?” Bucky asks.

Steve pulls his finger out of his mouth. He’s never seen that kind of movie, but the thought of Bucky eating an eclair is certainly… well, it lingers. “Uh?”

“Yeah, well that was the exact opposite.” Steve scowls, and Bucky cackles gleefully. “You are something else, Steve.”

Leg Day by Brokenpitchpipe - Explicit, 12.1k

Gym Thot Bucky

“So talk to him,” Sam says.

“I can’t,” Bucky groans. “I can’t, Sam, I. He just.” He fluffs his hair up and stares at Sam, distraught. “I want him to bench press me.”

“Okay, so it’s serious,” Sam interprets. “Got it."

(Or: The one where Sam is Bucky's long-suffering roommate, Bucky is a hot mess of a millennial, and Hot Steve spends far too much time on the Lat Pull-Down machine.)

Art Nouveau by voluptuous_panic - Explicit, 12.2k

Bartender Bucky, Tattooed & Pierced Bucky

Steve's on the worst date of his life. At least the bartender's cute.

much tattoo about nothing by @deisderium - Explicit, 14.5k

Tattoo Artist Bucky

Steve Rogers gets a lot of email requests, but never one like this: James Barnes wants to use his healing factor to practice tattoos.

Turns out tattoos give Steve boners.

No Wonder There's Panic in the Industry by sprinkle_of_cinnamon - Not Rated (I’d say Mature?), 20.5k

Stark Industries Intern Bucky, Team fic, Humor

In which Bucky Barnes and his BFF, Clint Barton, are NYU interns for Stark Media Group competing to be Pepper's favorite.

Or alternatively, the time Bucky assisted the P.A. team on the Steve Rogers piece and ended up (adopted) with a contact list full of Avengers.

Life of the Party by @aggressivewhenstartled - Explicit, 21.6k

Superhero Impersonator Bucky, Mistaken Identity

“You know, kids,” Steve heard from the backyard, “one of the most common threats a superhero has to face is inside an active volcano! We’re going to have to work on your evasion skills, so for the next five minutes, the floor is lava!” This was met by a sudden spike in both volume and pitch from the small children as they scrambled onto every raised surface they could find and immediately launched themselves right back off.

“I’ve never seen actual lava in my entire life,” Steve said, vaguely offended.

“You got a superhero impersonator for The Falcon’s niece’s birthday party,” Sam said, incredulous. “The Falcon, who is an actual superhero.”

Trust Enough by @geneticallydead - Explicit, 23.3k

Misunderstandings

“Saturday. Yeah, that’s good,” Steve says, and actually scuffs his shoe at the ground. Like a ridiculous shy superhero damsel. “Say eight? I live-“

“Yeah, big building with the A on it,” Bucky says, and can’t help a big stupid grin. Steve stares at him, looking a little dazed, and after their whole conversation it’s only now that Bucky’s brain catches up and realises Steve finds him quite attractive. So. Win for Bucky.

“Let me get your number,” Steve says finally, after they’ve stared stupidly at each other for about three hours, taking out his phone.

So they exchange numbers, and then Steve says he should go, and Bucky agrees, and they kind of stare at each other for a bit more, then Steve actually does go, but not before taking Bucky’s hand and squeezing it warmly in a way that makes Bucky want to shiver all over. Then Steve is gone, and Bucky is standing alone in the alley, grinning to himself.

Right up until the moment he remembers that Steve thinks Bucky is an escort he’s just hired.

Well fuck.

The Roommate by layersofart, Niitza - Teen, 28.6k

War Vet Bucky, Roommates AU, Humor, Fluff, Angst, Team fic

In which Steven G. Rogers, a.k.a. Captain America, gets a roommate. Who rapidly turns into his "roommate"—in the euphemistic sense of the word.

It takes SHIELD and the rest of the Avengers an absurd amount of time to notice.

Brooklyn Baby by sprinkle_of_cinnamon - Mature, 33.7k

Coffee Shop AU, Modern Howlies, Mistaken Identity, Team Fic

In which Bucky is just trying to live life and enjoy his unofficial official table at the obnoxiously hipster coffee shop but some guy named Steve stole his spot.

Or, the time that Bucky unintentionally befriended the Avengers and had no idea.

Never Talk to Strangers by mambo @whtaft - Teen, 40.4k

Grad Student Bucky, Slow Burn

Never Talk to Strangers: or; How a Forgotten Childhood Lesson Led Bucky Barnes to Appreciate Charlie Chaplin, Befriend an A.I., Slip on Soap Bubbles, Be Mistaken for a Succubus, and Try to Woo a Superhero.

Sinking Our Teeth In The Heart Of The Sun by fallendarlings @pressrestartwrites - Explicit, 102.8k

Single Dad Bucky, Kid Fic, Slow Burn, Domestic, Fluff, Mutual Pining, Steve has Autism

Bucky Barnes never intended to become a single father at 25. But life has always enjoyed kicking him while he's down and it's showing no signs of stopping. A chance meeting with a brick wall of a guy named Steve in the formula aisle of the grocery store leads to a friendship it seems like both of them need. If only Bucky could remember that's all they are- friends. If only Steve didn't slot into their lives so perfectly and look so good spoiling Bucky's daughter (and Bucky, despite his protests).

Oh, if only Steve didn't turn out to be Captain America.

Steve Rogers is wandering around a world that he doesn't fit into, fighting for a government that he doesn't trust, just because he doesn't know what to do with himself if he ever relaxes long enough to actually think about anything other than the next mission.

And then came Bucky Barnes and his newborn baby.

More recs

[flying-elliska]

Skam France Season 6 Review

It’s that time, I guess. My feelings are, like many, mixed. I think I enjoyed the season more than most people here, but the ending was a massive let down. Overall it boils down to this : Skam France is great at moments and very bad at structure. A lot of my issues with the season is what is not in it. I saw so much potential that never quite materialized, and it left me frustrated. At the same time, Lola is a really cool character, her arc is really interesting, her relationship with her sister is one of the best things they’ve ever done, and the actors killed it. Loved La Mif, discovering other sides of Eliott, the urbex backgrounds, and Maya. A lot of fascinating character moments. This is definitely my second favorite season after s3 - at times I even thought it would equal it. Sadly, though, Skam France will remain a bit of a one hit wonder for me. Because they are so good at bringing up problems in a nuanced layering way - be it addiction, grief, eating disorders, internalized ableism, racist microagressions - but when it comes to resolving what they brought up, they default towards a ‘let’s all be nice to each other, hug or kiss, love saves the day yay !’ story. Which is, when you claim to deal with real world issues, simplistic, immature, and at times quite offensive. It works for s3, which is at its core a tale of self-discovery, self-acceptance and romance. But niceness doesn’t solve racism, and family problems aren’t solved with a hug, and addiction recovery doesn’t hinge on having someone to kiss, and the series came dangerously close to implying that at times. 

All in all, this is a show that often manages to be both brilliant and terrible at the same time. At least it’s not dull. 

Positives/Negatives/Meh breakdown :

Positives :

- Sisterly love : My favorite thing without a doubt is the relationship between Lola and Daphné. Flavie and Lula killed it. Almost all the clips that made me cry were the ones with the both of them in it. At the beginning their rivalry is so relatable to me : the responsible sibling who takes on too much burdens and is too controlling and parentified vs. the problem sibling who acts out to express the issues the rest of the family are repressing - i have been in both of those spots. you can see how they slowly realize that the gap between them didn’t need to be there, that it wasn’t their fault, that it was the result of their parent’s bullshit and even shittier circumstances. seeing them make little gestures to recognize each other’s pain, to nurture each other, to give each other support, but also to tell each other some unpleasant truths, was so incredibly powerful. Relationships between sisters can be just so...complex, and loving, and petty, and jealous, and supportive, and feral, and annoying, and understanding, and ugh, they made me feel all of that and more. I have a sister, and I have a relationship like that with her, and this season gave me some very important perspectives. Really, relationships between women aren’t explored enough, and this season really did this one thing excellently and if only for that, it deserves to be watched. That moment where Lola talks to Daphné about her self destructive tendencies...so important. I am so happy that Daphné was the one finding Lola in her tower of solitude, and the moment where she says ‘you pay too much attention to what other people think, Lola’ was the emotional turning point of the season for me, because it was Daphné recognizing Lola really cared behind her mask of coldness, but also that she was hurt by that and that she needed to love herself regardless of the love her parents didn’t give her ; and also that she heard Lola saying it to her and that it inspired her too, so there is this amazing reciprocity. It was so powerful, I’m still reeling from it. And it was a beautiful full circle from the beginning of the season. 

- Family of outsiders : the urbex gang was such a wonderful new group this season. It was bound to be tricky getting us to like this new generation, and I think they did a pretty good job. Even tho I wish we got to know them a bit more, they were all intriguing and interesting on their own, and the vibes of Lamif as a whole were just so fun and lovely. Loved the neuroatypical vibes I got from Sekou and Jo. Love that they introduced a trans guy character. Loved Maya as group mom. And seeing them warm up to Lola was really sweet. The social media of them hanging out was more or less the only good social media we got this season lmao. The urbex thing was a great symbol for Lola finding a home with the outcasts, a bit on the fringe of society, and the start of acceptance, of bringing her in from the cold. Maya and Lola’s relationship fit in that really nicely, especially the bits about them talking about their shared experiences of grief, and my favorite scenes with them is showing Lola that her scars can be beautiful and that her rough experiences are part of who she is. The way she didn’t take Lola’s bullshit was great, and even tho I think their relationship was rushed, overall they really fit well together. Love Maya’s character as a concept in general, this funky purple haired lesbian environmentalist with amazing sense of style, and I really hope we see her again in upcoming seasons. And finally, I also really liked Eliott and Lola’s friendship (except for the ending) - the fact that they understand this darkness that they share, but that Eliott has succeded in climbing over it, and so he can give Lola support, understanding, guidance. I loved that we got to hear a bit more of his perspective on mental illness, the good and the bad times, that we saw his passion for movies become more real. I loved the fact that they bonded over creative things and photography, too, and that she found a safe space in the video store. And even tho it wasn’t resolved properly, the scene where he comes to get her and punches Aymeric really made me cry. Also, BASILE. Best bro in law ever. Their scenes together were so homey and warm and sweet. They will have such a good relationship in time. Overall, I really like how central friendship was in this season, shown as so powerful and important. They could have done more with it but I love a lot of what we got. I am just a sucker for found family, man.

- Lola herself : I know she was a controversial character right from the start. She’s been called manipulative, selfish, out of control, toxic. And honestly at times...maybe she was a bit. I still love her. She is just so interesting to me. The lack of compassion towards her in the fandom was seriously depressing at times, and often felt like a symptom of something I’ve seen in a lot of different fandoms, ie the capacity to only tolerate moral ambiguity when it’s attached to attractive white male characters - and to only tolerate mental illness symptoms when they can be romanticized. In the end, she’s a struggling teen from a deeply dysfunctional family who’s had a very rough life, of course she’s not going to be well adjusted. All in all, I think she’s so brave, and she is a fighter. I adored her feral energies in the trailer. I also really liked her blunt honesty at times, even if it was sometimes hurtful and excessive. I think because I have the opposite tendency to be afraid to speak my mind, I really dig a character who isn’t afraid to speak the ugly truth. Even though, again, ‘the truth’ isn’t always cut and clear, and what Lola is often doing instead is listening to ‘depression voice’ who tells her to believe the worst in people. I find that fascinating, because in my experience, yes, depression comes with this terrible lucidity that makes you see through a lot of bullshit but at the same time, is distorting your perspective because of fear and shame, and kicking that, and disentangling your perception from that fatalism, is very complicated. I loved how genuine she was, how mature too sometimes through the pain, more mature than she should have been. It was rough watching her relapse, but I think the portrayal of addiction was pretty very well done overall, not romanticized and explained in a very coherent way. I wish the show had given her a bit more of a clearer view of her inner thoughts towards the end and let her apologize a bit more. And a clearer realisation that her parent’s lack of well expressed love didn’t doom her. But...yeah Following her really made me question my own - more hidden - self destructive impulses, linked to family shit, that pushes me to sabotage and isolate myself. Like Eliott said to her - it’s really a lifelong struggle. I think overall her arc was pretty satisfying, learning to step away from the edge, letting people in, seeing that she isn’t alone, accepting she deserves better and that her failures don’t doom her. That it is about getting up and trying again. Love her using her mother’s camera and wanting to get a phoenix tattoo, a perfect symbol for her. Also Flavie was amazing, she’s got a bright future ahead.

Negatives :

- No follow up to the assault storyline : The thing that I am, without any single doubt, most mad about, is the fact they didn’t bring up the sexual assault again. Along with Charles’ rape apologism, this creates a very dubious pattern of trivializing the issue ‘as long as it’s not real rape’. The fact that the morning after immediately turns to Elu drama is what sort of started my disconnect from the season, and the fact that they don’t bring it up afterwards even once made me angry. I think Lola, before going back to the hospital, should have told someone about the abuse she endured there, and should have told someone about Aymeric, even if only to acknowledge she wants to be done with that part of her life. Aymeric is like...Lola’s biggest villain, in a sense, he is a horrible predator but he also somehow represents her worst impulses, that part of herself that tells her she doesn’t deserve better, and I think that as a character, he was interesting, and he should have been adressed/exorcised better. If Lola was a real person, of course, she would probably have to deal with this in therapy, down the line, later, but as a story, never adressing this again left it unfinished. And this is really the kind of event you NEED catharsis and resolution for. Otherwise, it’s irresponsible.

- A generally overstuffed and disjointed structure : My biggest problems with this season are about what isn’t and what isn’t it. I liked most of the clips, I don’t have an issue with them going dark, strangely enough, but the way they were put together was just...messy. Like many people have said, too much stuff not properly adressed. Palm of most annoyingly useless subplot, the whole Tiff thing. Yes, it was cool comparing her clique to Lamifex and Lola realizing she wants nothing to do with those shallow fake bitches. Sekou hacking her account to replace it with pigeons, amazing. After that though, it should have been DONE, and in general, it should have taken a lot less time and attention. Comparing Tiff’s social media addiction to Lola’s issues felt like some trivializing bullshit. The whole thing was just so annoying. It would have been good if it had led to some discussion of social inequality but like...not this shit. Char, equally useless (although, cool actress, cool style). Another MASSIVE problem is the lack of follow through on big clips. A great thing about SKAM, usually, is that it shows you the aftermath of big moments - characters lying in bed, cuddling, talk to their friends, crying in the shower, etc. It allows the viewer to breathe and really get into the character’s perspective, to be comforted and process drama, and for the emotions to resonate better, to have space to develop richly. Here...we had Lola brush off her assault, we saw nothing after Daphné got her back from the tower thinking she could have killed herself, we learned that they had money problems and the father didn’t go to work and then that was never adressed again and the light was turned back on by magic (????), we saw Eliott go on a major bender and didn’t really see how he got better, etc. Big lack of introspective clips in the latter part of the season took me out of Lola’s head. It was all stressful and breathless, all intensity and no pause like one grating high pitch note instead of music, it felt oppressive, with poor contrast, and very badly paced. It made everything blur together and feel less relevant. The problem with that is it really takes you out of the story ; it’s hard to care when you know whatever is happening might not have a resolution, and it doesn’t put you in the shoes of the character. This was compounded by how mediocre the social media was, when it is usually used to bridge in the gaps. And then to finish : the structure was so uneven, especially in the second part of the season. Towards the middle we had some very short episodes with very underwhelming endings, and Vendredis that felt like non events, and there wasn’t a lot happening - and then, bam, ep 9, drama overload, almost like misery p*rn, and then a super rushed resolution in ep 10. Like they cared more about twists and giving the opposite of what was expected instead of solid coherent narrative and rhythm. The romantic back and forth felt repetitive as hell too. All in all, it made for a very unsatisfying live watching experience, pretty sure anyone who didn’t watch live would like it a lot more. 

- The last two episodes : Really, I could have overlooked all the problems with the season if they had given us a good ending, but...they really really didn’t. And contrasted with last season, where my problems were focused on the middle, for me the ending is really the worst part of this season. I didn’t dislike the controversial club clips, I liked having the insight into Eliott’s insecurities, but they should never have brought those up if they weren’t going to let him adress them properly. Having everything go to shit in Lola’s life at once felt like overkill - they really should have solved those problems earlier, and then dealt with a few ones properly, showed us Lola freaking out on her own, and taken out the bullshit at the high school. Thierry slapping her was also too much, he could just have said these clumsy things. She could have distanced herself from Maya instead of pushing her away again. Also, they really should have had this happen in episode 8 again, and given us a proper resolution. While the tower sequence was incredibly powerful, I pretty much liked nothing after that. It was so annoying that Eliott brushed off Lola’s apology because while he wasn’t wrong that he decided to get drunk himself, she still needed to apologize and actually state that she wanted to get better so she didn’t hurt her friends, so as a resolution it was very mediocre. Thierry recognizing they should have given Lola the choice to go the hospital was a step but really not enough. And the moments with Maya were cute sure but mostly cheesy and unearned. Same for the ending clip. Mostly it’s such an unsatisfying farewell to the old generation, and it really feels like they wanted us to force to move on - didn’t want to properly recognize the end of an era, gave us almost nothing about their BAC or their future plans, etc etc. Also, letting Charles talk and having Arthur and Alexia kiss again ? SO BAD. UGH. I will be forever disappointed they didn’t give us a Multi POV or at least sth better on social media. And not having Eliott’s POV or at least a real Elu conversation (pretty much all season...) so frustrating I will never not be bitter about that. So yeah. The season started so powerfully but went out with a whimper instead of a bang. That whole ‘romantic love solves everything!!!’ shtick...very undercooked tbh. 

Meh : 

- Mayla’s development : I wanted to stan them SO BAD. Like, wlw in skam (that doesn’t turn into a panphobic mess?) YES, all the way yes. Maya and Lola had great chemistry, great dynamic. I loved their first few clips, the kind of confrontational flirting, the boldness, it was like...damn girls ! we love a non useless lesbian ! But...somewhere along the way, their relationship really suffered from the wacky plot structure. They should have shown us more bonding before we got to the angsting (esp during first urbex night). Also, their first kiss was sweet but I hated the ‘you’re my addiction’ line and that kind of put a damper on it. I liked the scenes where they open up about difficult things, the love Maya showed to Lola’s scars, the dandelion symbolism was lovely, but it wasn’t balanced enough with other stuff, and I felt Maya was way too stoic at times. And I really, really didn’t like the ending, honestly. They kept a good balance all season showing Lola wasn’t relying entirely on romantic love, that her family and friends were also important - but saying ‘i’m okay as long as you’re here’ at the end...honestly that sounds unhealthy and codependent as fuck. I really wish they’d done a more subtle, taking it slow ending for them.

- The financial issues : Again a storyline with much potential that wasn’t dealt with properly. It’s really good that we got a main that wasn’t from an economically priviledged background. Especially it felt very relevant to Daphné’s storyline, with the shame she felt at her friends seeing her place, the pressure to make it work, tying into her ED, etc etc. But cutting off the power, the father not working going nowhere...it’s like the plotline meandered and then vanished into thin air. Instead of that, they could have given us a scene of Daphné freaking out over the bills like in OG w Vilde, keeping the focus on her for that plot because she’s the most affected ; and then in the end of the season the father taking them over from her and telling her he’s found another job and that those things shouldn’t be her responsibility. That would have been relevant, instead of just...a loose end.

- Family issues : The Lecomte family dynamic seemed fascinating to me at the start. The mom being this shadowy complicated figure. The inability of the father to deal with anything. Daphné being parentified, Lola becoming the symptom child. They could have done a lot with this, but in the end, it felt like it was brushed aside too easily by saying the mom sent letters so she wasn’t too bad and Thierry is making breakfast so he’s trying. Not enough. I wanted them to let Lola acknowledge she deserved better and that their parent’s crap wasn’t on her. That her mom should have looked for help and the other two shouldn’t have pretended everything was okay. In general, there is way too much pressure to overlook toxic parent behavior and I wish they’d been clearer about this. 

- Mental health portrayal : Some parts of it were really good. Showing Daphné’s ED, letting Eliott talk about his episodes and relapses, showing some of the dark sides of depression and addiction. They just needed to show more of the recovery, because that is often the representation that they lacked the most. I don’t blame them for showing the bad sides of the mental healhcare system (which is terribly outdated and dysfunctional in France, I’m speaking from experience) but they should have shown the good too. Like do they find recovery boring or something ? Because as a person w MI, that’s actually what I’m dying to see, and they’ve been a real letdown in that department. I also think they should have acknowledged that the Lecomte family has mental issues as a whole, that the mother should have gotten help, and the father probably needs it too (still think they should have gone to therapy as a group lol).

- Elu and Eliott’s development : Honestly, not a big fan of how they wrote Lucas in s5&s6, in a lot of clips he was the angry guy with a temper, I miss s4 Lucas who was so compassionate and showed real growth and emotional intelligence. Here it just felt like they were fitting his character to plot needs, and it’s so sad for a character who had such an amazing story development. Now, I loved the glimpses of domestic Elu we got, how Axel and Maxence really showed the intimacy that had grown between them, they really felt married with all the nonverbal conversations and touches, that was sweet. But it’s so annoying that they hinted at Lucas’s insecurities and Eliott’s lack of communications and just brushed it away with ‘oh they love each other they will be okay’ sure bitch but then show us how ? that’s the interesting stuff ? it really feels sometimes like the writer(s) didn’t like how strongly the fans focused on the romance when they wanted to be talking about MATURE dark stuff not that frilly fluffy romance shit *eyeroll* male writers who think they’re above that stuff is so annoying as is the conflating of dark and mature - anyway. Again I liked seeing Eliott in his element this season, he is really thriving, with his movie and the video store, and that made me very happy. I don’t think it’s unrealistic he didn’t make a lot of friends in uni - French university can be so isolating, there isn’t a campus or a vibrant social life like in the US, it’s a very common experience to feel lost and isolated for newbies and it was also my case - but ? Sofiane ? Idriss ??? They could have found a better excuse to implicate Lamifex in the movie making tbh, like Jo egging him on about her passion for directing or whatever, and Sofiane could have been there chilling with them it would have been so cool. I just wish Eliott would have had more of an arc like Daphné did. It wouldn’t have taken much, and since he is my favorite character, I will never not be disappointed at all the wasted potential. 

Yeah so in the end i think this was a very good story they didn’t entirely give themselves the right storytelling tools to tell. Like there is something in the way they prioritize certain moments over others that...I just find very frustrating and weird. So...flawed, but still very interesting overall.

[skamamoroma]

REWATCH: Skam Italia s4 - Episode 4

Marti and Eva late AGAIN. But we were treated to Marti and Eva sibling energy on FIRE. I love the whole “you have to be smart” and Marti enjoying bickering with Eva and blowing her a kiss then her “vaffanculo” as he walked away. I have MISSED their ridiculous ways. He’s such a little shit. Honestly! Also, I laugh that he was in that scene for 2 seconds... and I know we got info on his potential future plans but he was solely there to bicker with Eva and... Ludo, you know us. You know what we want.

The fact that they all took med school exams! I can’t believe Marti is into that. He’s 100% smart enough and he’s dedicated enough, it’s just never where I’d have put him. Obviously it’s the same as Federico so it’s sweet they made Marti follow the same path! I don’t m ow if I can picture Dottor Rametta! I can see him being incredibly gentle and caring and also firm enough but it’s a lot to think about!! I can see Eva being an awesome health care worker/Dottoressa or whatever part of medicine she wanted to aim for. She’s the same as Marti that way.

I’m no expert but I know you can wear a hijab so many ways and in different styles. I just love that Sana and her mamma seem to wear the same style! It just adds so nicely to the feeling of familiarity and family. I wonder if that’s a normal thing? Passed down via family maybe?

I hate that in one day, Sana gets this reminder that she isn’t necessarily welcomed with open arms by Maryam who represents her Muslim community and then finds out she has been left out of the holiday plans... all the while not being able to join in with Silvia and Fede’s chats about sex etc. I mean, I’m with Sana on this as I’d be horrendously uncomfortable with those chats but I just feel so much for her at this point as it’s all just slowly falling apart.

I LOVE the song in the scene where Sana goes to Rami. It’s catchy as hell. It matches that whole messy scenario perfectly and I love that Malik and Sana can’t help but laugh at Rami trying to kiss him 😂 again though, that conflict between Sana and her religion. Rami can do this and not necessarily be judged but she would be... and harshly!

And then we’re treated to GRANDMA FILO with his fever, his dressing down and cup of tea. “So you’re leaving me with the corpse?” Hahaha. From this point, Filo is frankly a god damn gift.

The procession. Oh my. It’s so beautiful. It feels so Italian but also so magical in the circumstances. I love that they’re so desperate to stay unnoticed but still get a candle because Sana might look like a nun 😂 Malik is so sweet but he’s also such a lovely match for her. Boy doesn’t mind gentle bickering!

I always LOVED the Best of Islam clip from the og so I was so happy that we got the same here, just a different version. The fact that Malik, like Yousef, felt so lost and disconnected with his religion after what happened but this time it was because of his friend and Nico happened to be involved. He clearly cares a great deal for Luai to feel so strongly for him.

How blooming PRETTY is this scene? The flower candle lighting up their faces, la Luna in the background, the lights of the city... it makes their talk about life and BIG TOPICS seem so much more special when in reality they’re just on a street somewhere. Ludo always LOVES to create the imagination of magic in ordinary settings... he did it a lot in s2 too!

The fact we got that flashback was just such a gift, I can’t say. I gasped when I first saw it! We always wondered who was filming because Nico looked so enamoured and smiley. To know it was Luai and to see Luai smile at him like he did, to know if was real and Nico’s feelings were returned makes me hurt just ache endlessly for him. He was young and had feelings for a nice boy, clearly felt he wanted to learn about Luai’s religion and we were always lead to believe (through Maddalena) that this was “because of” his BPD and some form of supposed heightened state and obsession. When in fact it was Nico having genuine feeling. To think those smiles on his piano video were due to having a crush and to know what happened... how that must have affected Nico and how those feelings were maybe turned against him and used as an apparent symptom. FUCK mental health stigma. Nico is capable of the full range of emotion and every word he ever said to Marti about needing to be heard and listened to and feeling spoken for just feels more upsetting now. Knowing that what he feels for Marti he’d never felt before because he fell in love with Marti doesn’t negate that he cared for Luai in some way and that it was genuine. It made me feel so fond of Nico even more than I already am. I am so grateful to Ludo for adding this, for giving us these little snippets and allowing the questions about Nico to be answered in a really meaningful way with impact on Sana too!

Being an atheist, I can’t relate to Sana in this moment talking about prayer and what religion adds to her life. I always understand Malik’s point of view most but it’s what makes it so fascinating. To listen to her explain, at length, how she feels about her faith and how it transforms her day and gives her focus and hope and connection. It’s beautiful. I also adore how they did the same as in the og and allowed Malik to have his say too, to offer his voice and that they both feel comfortable with disagreeing and having discussions like this. They connect on this really lovely level, so full of intelligence and insight and this REALLY lovely mutual respect. It’s so rare in TV aimed at young people!

THE WAY THEY LOOK AT EACH OTHER. He flat out adores her. I can’t handle them. They have crept into my list of favourite Skam couples.

[vroenis]

The Internet Is Not Remarkable | Which Is Why It’s Remarkable

Oddly I’ve not ever felt the need to unplug. I don’t have a sense of separation between life happening away from the Wire and life happening on the Wire or the Wire not being life. It was never a distinct thing I ever had to decide was or wasn’t life or became life, either. Being born in the early 80′s, I guess means the Wire wasn’t always there as a salient presence, integrated into the fabric of life. Heyo I had a Nokia 3210. That doesn’t mean anything, by the way, it just places me on a timeline. Nostalgia sucks and is literally valueless. Let’s make art you can steal.

Anecdotally it means I saw the internet happen as a Thing. It’s less important than it sounds. Also the internet going from not being a Thing to being in our pockets. OK. But honestly it’s not very important. As in the transition isn’t important. There were a lot of people there when it happened and I think a lot of us if and when we’re honest will tell you now, in retrospect, it’s not a big deal. People older than I am and some my age and younger who have an ignorant and uninformed understanding of life and experience will go on about life being better or significantly more meaningful before or without the Wire but honestly they’re wrong. I’ll come out and say it’s flat better. Sure it makes misinformation easier as much as it makes all the good things better but wow media control and information mass-dissemination before the Wire? Are you kidding me? 

On the topic of unplugging and digitally detoxing and I realise The 1975 just made a video all about it that was overly cute, yes, but still pretty fucken’ great. Let’s link it because honestly, it’s a wonderful snapshot of its time that they’re unquestionably aware will date immensely and that is a big part of the point. The 1975 hardly need any more promo but what can I say, I’ve no problem being part of an adoring fanbase and adore them we do. Let us adore.

That it’s so on-the-nose and that it’s a big part of the point is going to anger and frustrate people so much, moreso that exactly that reaction is a part of being caught-up in the inevitable participation in what the song and indeed, what Matty as an individual and what the band as a commercial and cultural entity are. The too cool thing to do is say you didn’t know anything about it, you didn’t watch it, you don’t care for it, you’re immune to it and continue to be ignorant of it - sure, I used to be cool like you. The thing is I both care less and more about being cool.

I love this song, I love what it’s doing and what it means. I love being a fan of and loving things. I love that other people love things I love. I still love loving things no-one knows about but I always love other people finding and loving my things, even if and when some of them behave badly because as an adult and an individual, I understand that participating in one cultural activity doesn’t mean I’m fully represented as a whole cultural entity.

Coming back to unplugging and that not being necessary for me, it connects to not being overwhelmed by it, which connects again, to the Wire not being separate and distinct from what I see as my experience of life. If the Wire is a mundane aspect of life then it’s unnecessary to disconnect from it. I engage with it as much as I engage with other things, that is to say I’m fascinated by, obsess over, and grow bored with things on it as much as all subjects, objects and activities in life equally. I don’t think this is unique to me at all, I suspect it’s quite common.

As it happens, I got into Instagram in a big way around the same time I got into contemporary board games. Both of these things I’ve almost wholly discarded. Almost, but not quite. I still maintain my Instagram account because I’ve made some valuable and enduring connections on it and as a platform I seem to have nurtured some semblance of an audience for a sprinkling of subjects and visual motifs. As for board games, I’m actually still quite interested in them but there’s so much about them as an industry and culture I actively dislike and have also grown bored of that I’ve consciously disengaged from them.

Facebook as a culture has always been weird to me, I can’t say I’ve ever understood it as a platform. Primarily it seemed to function as a space to connect with people you already know - OK. So then we’re encouraged to engage with one-another on... topics we may or may not already be engaging with either in our physical time together in which case, it’s redundant? Or we post articles we expect others to read which mostly they don’t unless aaaaaah - they’re short, reductive and in simple language and now the exercise is hazardous. The platform then actively co-opts strangers into discussions by facilitating cross-posting intra-sharing articles, which to be frank is about eyes on ads and ad-revenue, here we get to the ultimate objective of Facebook as a platform which I guess is why none of it makes any sense. Engagement at all costs. Of-course Facebook doesn’t care about racist groups and the real violence it precipitates, why on earth would that matter to them? The only thing that matters is capitalist gains. As long as it doesn’t directly cost them and as long as there are no economic consequences for them, they will proceed, and this is pervasive and transparent in the way all actions are facilitated and encouraged on the platform as a utility.

There’s more to discuss about Facebook but you’ve had those discussions before and they’re boring. Facebook is boring. The way people use Facebook is  boring. Many of my peers ported to Instagram because as many of them said “It’s like Facebook but just pictures” and something along the lines of “It’s just pure” and there’s a high degree of truth in that. The sense of purity comes from the feeling of positivity in that thumbs becomes hearts - the likes an image gets. Engagement is fairly low-level. People express their endorsement of an image or do nothing at all. Occasionally there’s discussion, predominantly positive and for the most part I’d agree it’s wholesome. You can find toxicity easily enough and all of it is bad, but there are whole spaces on Instagram where you’d be forgiven for thinking it was a platform free of it altogether.

I guess it’s worth mention when I was peak Instagram, I was producing a super lo-fi but passionate board games podcast I recorded with R and we were also running several public and private board games groups around Melbourne. There was a lot of good about that sense of community and some of those people are still in our lives now. Platforms like Instagram are great for celebrating many of those aspects, I’d still say better than Facebook. Instagram is more approachable and simpler for just showing a thing and liking it - the engagement is direct and the commitment level (sign-up, visual clutter, privacy concerns, settings digest etc.) is minimal.

There are some Instagram Stories (read: Snapchat clones) there listed under This Account that briefly go thru the effective mothballing of my account. To have a different discussion here, I know how much and what kind of work it takes to build and maintain and audience on Instagram and it’s not interesting to me any more. It’s boring. I don’t mean to disrespect the audience I have there, all audiences are made up of people. Their behaviour on the platform is indicative of the cultural space that Instagram is, not their respective characters and that’s fine. That I’m bored is indicative of my feelings towards the platform and the culture it fosters, not how I feel about the people themselves. I still really like most of the people I’ve made connections with on Instagram and ping them DMs about beer, Lego and art once in a while. Instagram is about keeping it light - or lite is perhaps more appropriate - and I’m happy to keep my engagement level likewise.

That makes it extremely strange that I chose tumblr as a cultural space for my long-format writing, then, hey. Sure does. I did write about tumblr as a cultural space and honestly I still feel the same way about it - I absolutely love it here. Even tho I don’t engage in tumblr at all in the way the culture here utilises it, oddly I still feel right at home, fitting that one of the titles of the entry is Hiding In Plain Sight.

I don’t effectively have an audience for my writing here, tho, and that certainly is different. There’s a certain buzz missing from seeing a post light up with hearts, but then I think - a post gets a tally of hearts, of likes, so the people around me - my audience - likes an image and/or the accompanying text I’ve written tho that’s unlikely as the ratio of viewers to readers is likely to be extremely low. So if I think about how meaningful the text is to me versus the image, sometimes it’s split down the middle, but often the writing is far more important or at least there’s massive intent for gravitas to the image. Without the text, the image would be pleasant at best, and I realise that’s what people are engaging with and throwing a heart at, and I’m not interesting in doing that. I’m interesting in writing and expressing because I’m doing that anyway. I’m talking to and for myself regardless which I’m very happy to do, so if I’m going to do that, I’m happy to do it on the assumption of no audience and just express freely without restraint on subjects that interest me the most.

I either will or won’t develop that audience, but it will have to be with people who are dedicated enough to read and that might be a thing just yet, but who knows, there may be coming a time when people realise it’s not the Wire they need to unplug from. I’m not spinning up theories because it’s less complicated than that. I still operate a Facebook account. There’s a lot to hate about Facebook but of itself it’s mostly banal. Sure its UI and UX both are horrors that precipitate actual nightmares (unrelated but recent: none worse that iTunes MY GOD WHY WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY) but from a utility perspective it can be useful in the least. I have connections with a handful of people and communities which are useful to me for the moment so until they’re not, I’ll use the platform - but my weekly usage would be measured in minutes, I’m not sure I’d make cumulative hours in seven days.

When I moved away from Twitter and Instagram, I wanted a more considered approach to everything including images. I did once take long walks in Melbourne and photograph things that I found aesthetically interesting and under the circumstances that isn’t possible. I did stop doing that much earlier than Covid19 tho but that’s due to family circumstances alluded to in other posts. I still think if I ever take up photographing things with the same regularity, those images will end up here, simply because if I want to cut in with text, I can with better control. But also because it’s more meaningful if I don’t, and also as an artefact, a html page is something that invites a more static approach to the scrolling endless feeds of Instagram and Facebook. That design is absolutely intentional to promote short engagement and continued dismissal and that’s not something I want to encourage, with mine or anyone else’s art, thoughts, responses and engagement.

I don’t think I’ve addressed how The Internet Is Remarkable, but it’s pervasive in much of what I do on and with the Wire. I think accessibility is one of the most powerful things we do as humans. I’m sure there are folks who are sick of Margaret Mead’s healed femur anecdote or at least people quoting it. I fucking love that quote. I might not like people not fully comprehending it but I sure love what it truly represents. I think something people may be surprised to hear from me is that I will never say that I don’t like people. I really don’t like the quips and memes about hell being other people or I don’t mind going outside, it’s the other people ad infinitum. It’s easy to look at a large representation of behaviour and say “People are stupid” but it’s much more difficult to sit in a room of people you know and tell them they’re stupid. I might find it increasingly difficult to find other adults with which I can engage, on subjects I and they both can and enjoy engaging on, but I both have the willingness to and the optimism that it will and should happen. A part of that is the exercise - the practice of considered expression, of thinking, language and performance. Some of that for me is writing here, some of it is in the musical instruments I play, some of it is in the oral auditory words I speak.

Fucking around is good fun, we don’t always take life too seriously - sure, but we also don’t just fuck around. If that’s all you end up being able to do, there’s so much you end up not doing, not seeing and experiencing. Imagine the only form of expression you have is to tap a heart. That’s not to diminish the power of tapping that heart - mate, smash that shit - did you see that last picture of the beers we bought? DID YOU SEE MY BEERS? Those are some champion fucken’ beers, follow my Instagram.

Look you might need to unplug occasionally or partially or permanently or whatever. This isn’t a sermon, I’m not talking at you, I’m talking to you or rather I’m talking to myself. I’m telling you about myself because like everything I do and typically will always mention, it’s a provocation but also an invitation to talk about yourself. We share with one another to learn about other experiences and grow perspective on our own - you get all of that. That’s why the Wire is a good thing. Accessibility to broader experiences is a good thing.

This mass documentation we’re doing? Even if no-one reads it, even if only a tiny shred of it is shared... do you realise how immense that tiny shred is? Of a billion billion billion terabytes of unread, unseen, unknown data, the tiniest fraction that gets shared between humans is still huge were it to remain hidden and secret - all the wonderful art, the ugly horror, the juvenile silliness, the unending pain and sorrow, the saccharine sweetness, the lilting playfulness, the nonsensical vagary, the bare minimalism, the overbearing eloquence, everything subjective and argued and agreed and ignored.

The internet is an ordinary book of everything made of electricity and you carry a copy of it in your pocket.

I’ll echo similar sentiments to those in the feature on Jeremy Blake. You can be an arsehole, or you be awesome and kind and we can do amazing things together.

[leafenclaw]

Tag your 10 favorite characters of all time

They can be from every book/movie/TV show/Video game, then tag 10 people.

Tagged by @jamlocked, thank you! :D

But also, oh god. XD

Early on as I was making that list, I encountered three problems: 1 - Most of my favourite characters of all time are actually variations on a single character archetype, with a whole damn lot of them even wearing the same name (or similar enough lol). 2 - Most of the ones that don’t fall under this category are from the same 2-3 source material, unless... 3 - ... they’re from sources that I cannot in good conscience recommend anymore, like for example books from MZ Bradley or OS Card that were extremely significant and shaped who I am, but considering what their authors turned out to be, enough said lol.

So instead of a “my favourites of all time” list, I just picked characters that made a significant and lasting impact on me, even if they didn’t turn out to be my absolute favourite from their media source. I hope that’s okay!

Cut for length, because as usual I got chatty.

In no particular order, aside perhaps for the first two: 

1 - Jamie Moriarty from Elementary. My everything. <3 She’s made of... honestly, pretty much all the archetypes I inevitably fall for, male or female, but somehow she rises above the sum of her parts and I cannot even start expressing how much she means to me. Other characters in the same general type would be of course all the Moriartys, Magneto, Gellert Grindelwald, Red John, Alice Morgan, etc. A lot of those characters are heavily defined by their sky-high intelligence and deviousness, but more importantly by the shapes they leave behind when they aren’t on screen/on the pages or when they’re hiding behind masks and facets that never encompass them as a whole, and by the way they always make a extremely lasting impact on the protagonist. When it’s a TV show or a movie, the use of camera language (lighting, colour schemes, camera plans, etc.) around them is always tightly defined and significant, and when it comes to literature, the same effect is applied through metaphors and symbolism. It makes the layers to those characters absolutely endless and when it comes to storytelling, it’s the one thing that’s guaranteed to hook me straight away. (Jamie is also obviously my favourite from her source material, even though Sherlock comes high in second place, and Watson a close third. And I also have a baffling soft spot for Joshua Vikner that probably deserves a mention lol.)

2 - Vegeta from Dragon Ball. Started a genocidal alien who regularly committed mass murder, ended a devoted, self-sacrificial husband and father of two (three if you count his son from the future). Still the best redemption arc I’ve ever seen (and probably will ever see) in any kind of media ever. (He is also -by far- my favourite from his source material.)

3 - Luna Lovegood from Harry Potter. My fae child <3 Literally the only female character I ever identified with in that whole series. People close to me still regularly tell me I channel her lol. (Favourite from her source material: it’s a toss between Gellert Grindelwald and Severus Snape.)

4 - Jareth from Labyrinth. My (other) fae asshole child found in a trash bin lol. Love of my life before I was 10, kept me sane and believing in magic when I most needed to. I learned contact juggling because of him. (He is my fave, although I love Sarah even when she’s being a dramatic whiny teen.)

5 - Rebecca Anderson from The Mentalist. I have a strong and everlasting love for pretty much all characters in TM, but this one extremely minor character made a chilling impact on me by the fact she’s exactly who I would have turned out to be had I not made one tiny little change at a crucial point in my life. So she makes the list if only for that. (My fave TM character is Lisbon, but the way she acts and reacts baffles me on a daily basis. I understand and identify with Jane much better. Fighting hard in third place would be Lorelei Martins and Madeleine Hightower, I think, but I truly love them all and by this point it’s just nuances.)

6 - Erik from Phantom of the Opera. This one stabbed me with a spoon and ate my heart out lol. I care a lot more for the original Leroux version than the Broadway/movie version, but the absolute top iteration of this character is written by Susan Kay in the pastiche Phantom and I bet every serious PotO fan will agree. (He is -by far- my fave, with the Daroga a distant second.)

7 - Eurus Holmes from BBC Sherlock. This one took me completely by surprise. One of the shittiest character arcs I’ve ever seen, and yet. She’s the one that pulled me out of the meta mindset I had been stuck into since season 2 and gutted me like a fish before I had time to realise what happened. (Jim and Irene share the top spot for their source material, but all three Holmes siblings are fighting for third place.)

8 - Hans from Frozen. The one character that made me realise the storytelling & camera language studies paid off lol (”wtf Disney doesn’t design its princes that way, there’s something off about him!”). I genuinely hated him right off the bat when I saw that movie because he made my gut twist with so many red flags, but the moment he revealed himself as a villain things clicked into place and now I love him lol (I’m so predictable xD). He shares the “hiding behind smoke & mirrors & facets of himself” with the Moriarty archetype, which makes him fascinating to watch and analyse, and for that alone I hope to see more of him in Frozen 2 because I never get enough of that kind of character. (Elsa used to be my favourite, but lately there’s been a disconnect. I’m not sure if I just out-grew her or if it’s a depression thing. As for Hans, it’s a strange kind of love/hate/fascination thing that I couldn’t define.)

9 - Clarice Starling from Silence of the Lambs. For the sole reason that her fascination for Hannibal and the pull that makes her come back even though she knows he’s terrible for her mental health made me feel seen, and also validated my own fascination and love for villains, which people around me always found strange. (Obviously, my fave is Hannibal. I wish the recent show about him wasn’t so gore. Can’t watch it because I’m too sensitive to on-screen violence and body horror.)

10 - Laure/Mickaël from Tomboy This one is a little harder to explain, and to be honest I’m not sure I really want to. That movie is... questionable lol but maybe you’ll have an idea why that character made such an impact on me if you saw it. (Or maybe not. It’s okay.)

Runner-ups: Link from A Link to the Past, Sheik/Zelda from Ocarina of Time, Jake from The Dark Tower, Scotty Valens from Cold Case, Scar from The Lion King, Billy Elliot from Billy Elliot, Arya Stark from ASOIAF, Garraty from The Long Walk, L from Death Note, and many many others.

I have exactly 10 followers, one of them tagged me, and I tagged 5 of you earlier on something else so I’m not going to harass you people further. XD Steal this if you want to!

[watolocke]

Watolock Figure Skating AU

So this all came to me at once and I wrote a lot of plot points and possible moments down. I’m not much of a fic writer so if you want to force yourself through this disconnected block of text, have fun! I sent this to the Miss Sherlock Discord but I’ll give it its moment in the Tumblr tag lmao.

Sherlock began as a rising star in the junior figure skating community when she was 15, holding an excellent track record of consecutive wins. She had excellent technical skills and creative flair. Her interaction with fans was minimal but she remained popular regardless. 

Unfortunately her teenage years appeared to be the peak of her career when her abilities began to crash after the death of her parents (and some other secret angsty backstory involving figure skating) soon after she turned 20. She began crashing in competitions and her renowned self-choreographed routines fell flat. Her heart and soul was no longer in it.

The only time she feels fully at ease on the ice in her early 20s is in private.

Wato is a hobbyist when it comes to skating. While she is fascinated by the sport she is by no means a religious competition follower and while she could probably list a handful of names she's read about, she wouldn't be quick to recognise. Admittedly she is a bit of nerd surrounding the physics of figure skating jumps.

She uncovered years old tape recordings of the Olympics in her parents' attic and pored over the figure skating footage in her free time while getting through high school. (I honestly just needed an excuse for her not to be a Figure Skating Fangirl who would know Sherlock immediately).

She continues to practise into her college years when she has short breaks between working for her medical degree. It's always in public rinks and it is never more than a hobby.

Kimie Hatano is the rink owner. Gentaro Reimon is Sherlock's coach. Tatsuya Shibata is a pairs skater.#

Their first encounter is at the end of Sherlock's private rink time. She begins to unlace at the back to avoid being rudely talked to or god forbid, asked a question.

Enter the public. Among the groups of friends and couples, a shorter frantic woman stumbles in. She's hefting an assortment of bags and dressed terribly in Sherlock's opinion. Sherlock watches her hastily tie her laces connected to her ratty old skates and push in earphones before she steps onto the ice amidst the rush. For some unknown reason she seems to stand out despite the lacklustre attire. Her expression is just so full of will and determination.

She is soon gliding effortlessly and stepping rhymically across the ice the best she can amidst the admittedly sparse public. There are stammers and blips occasionally and it would be a lie if Sherlock didn't admit one or two falls escaped the woman. It wasn't completely fluent but the beauty and luminescence of the her character easily erased the most minor of errors.

She begins to slide into more advanced step sequences before launching into a series of single jumps. Sherlock hadn't been aware, hadn't even considered the thought, that what she'd seen had simply been a warmup for this assumed amateur. She throws herself without almost any hesitation, catching herself when she underestimates a landing. She continues, never letting the proud glow leave her eyes.

There's a moment where she seems to *prepare* herself, remaining motionless on the ice and taking a breath before she sets off again. Moving with unexpected strength and a spark in her eye. Jump. Sherlock holds her own breath as she sees this woman take off with the clear ambition of a toe loop. One revolution. Two. Three. Landing. Slicing into the ice on the right back outside edge, she lands with only a slight wobble. An almost flawless triple toe. Sherlock is enraptured. Of course, she can do such moves in her sleep but, here she is... Awestruck.

Frozen in place, Sherlock doesn't appear to notice the glee and surprise on the woman's face as she pushes herself to the exit, breathing heavily and reaching for a discarded bottle of water by her bag.

Sherlock practically falls out of her seat in an attempt to catch the woman during her break. Sherlock knows how much she herself despises being interrupted. She fills with a strange emotion as she approaches slowly in the building afternoon crowds. Nerves? She has not been noticed. She could still turn away. No, not Sara Shelly Futaba! She's a figure skating prodigy... with nerves of steel! And really she should take note of potential competition that could jeopardize her consistent wins.

Sherlock: Who's your coach?

Wato, pulling out her earphones: Eh? Sorry?

Sherlock: Do you have a coach?

Wato, looking bemused.

Sherlock, taking in Wato's scuffed and worn skates and attire: No! Of course you don't. What am I thinking! 

Wato, quickly growing angry and scoffing in disbelief.

Sherlock, failing lamely: No no... No! Sorry I just... Uh, what's your name? 

Wato: Tachibana... [Sherlock is clearly waiting for her to elaborate] Wato.

Sherlock: [to herself] Tachibana Wato... Listen- [cut off by phone buzzing, glances away] Ugh..! Listen- [Wato has disappeared; initiate frustrated Sherlock stomps and hair mussing]

Sherlock rushes out instantly, knowing she has no time to hunt down this newly named mystery girl without incurring the wrath of her ballet instructor. She spends the whole lesson a little out of focus and enamoured by Wato. It certainly doesn't go unnoticed. She's endlessly teased by Shibata on the sidelines as her (usually flawless) form is corrected. Sherlock obviously gives him a murderous look and already has 4 possible scenarios in which she can end his career.

The next time she's at the rink, she casually attempts to ask around about a Wato Tachibana. Yet we all know that Sherlock lacks any semblance of discreetness and of course Kimie Hatano, rink owner and Sherlock's designated moral support, knows the "sweet girl who has been showing up for about a week now and oh! She is so lovely, she'd probably even like you, Sherlock! Whoops, I didn't mean that..! Anyway, since you like her so much I'll introduce you both!". Cue Sherlock indignantly denying any interest but not denying the offer.

Mrs Hatano is endlessly encouraging Sherlock to speak to Wato but let's face it... She's a hopeless lesbian. 

Wato has just returned from a gap year in Syria she took in pursuit of her dream as a doctor. She was doing training as a nurse and was further encouraged to chase a higher medical career. Now in the summer building up to her final year in university before she enters medical school she is taking her free time to pursue an outside hobby she enjoys to lessen the pressure of such a demanding course.

She becomes close friends with Mrs Hatano during her visits and praises Wato each time she sees her but Wato is much too humble and even unaware to admit she's any good. Mrs Hatano remarks on her days as an ice dancer and all the many incredible men and women she met (in more ways than one). Wato laughs along at her stories that would be unbelievable if they weren't coming from her lips. Sherlock is often seen moping in the sidelines lamenting her inability to approach Wato after their awkward first encounter.

After some long, hard talks with Mrs Hatano Wato decides that she can afford to fish out money for a few lessons, purely to occupy her summer *obviously*. Sherlock, who is usually opposed to assisting any beginner's lessons jumps at the chance when Mrs Hatano mentions Wato. 

However, the instructor insists she just show what she can do first lesson while Sherlock is lurking in the back of the rink seating. Wato gets off to a shaky start due to her nerves but is soon smoothly gliding across the ice and doing moves, slowly increasing in difficulty. Amid this she is periodically throwing out single and double jumps. Sherlock is convinced she needs to speak to this girl and maybe advise her on how to improve her technique. Sherlock can already see the magic if Wato were to improve her rotations and unstable landings. Although these things never come out quite as smoothly she skates...

So unfortunately the first time they speak sherlock unintentionally comes off as pretentious and the two get into some verbal combat despite being interested in each other.

Kento definitely approaches Sherlock later and she pouts and mopes about how badly she handled that situation but that Wato was *totally* in the wrong too..!

Sherlock thought she was being constructive when advising wato on her technique but she was just pointing out everything wrong. She didn't have time to get to the positives before Wato was offended and began the verbal warfare.

They also both make the mistake of going to Mrs Hatano, wondering how they could apologise. Mrs Hatano, of course, has a genius idea: Coffee. However, when both women arrive and suddenly there's four coffees between the two of them. There's a lot of uncomfortable fumbling and light blushes as they talk over each other attempting to defend themselves. Sherlock tries to act cold and unaffected but they're eventually both giggling. 

Conversation is still awkward as they both lace up before Wato's first proper lesson but Sherlock lightly nudges Wato before shoving a piece of chocolate in her hand. Before Wato can reply Sherlock has turned away, shoved on her skate guards and marched off. And lucky she did because she may have melted if she saw the soft smile Wato had on her face.

Next thing you know Sherlock is pretending nothing happened and patiently leading Wato in a beginner's class. Sherlock notoriously doesn't have the patience for *anyone*. Period. On the side we have a slightly stunned Mrs Hatano. Sherlock is so caught up in explaining successful landing technique in detail that she doesn't even notice them. Shibata films it as "blackmail material" but Sherlock steals his phone. Before deleting the video she sends it to herself... because Wato looks so cute in it but she'll never let anyone in on that.

As first professional lessons usually go, Wato falls over an unimaginable amount of times by over-rotating on her jumps and Sherlock rushes over each time to check that she's alright.

Wato, grinning: You know I'm getting a medical degree, right?

Sherlock, holding the sides of her face gazing very intently at Wato's pupils: You can't determine your own concussion!

They probably look in each other's eyes for a few moments too long before clearing their throats and getting back to practice.

Sherlock leads Wato through the appropriate motions by lightly placing her hands on Wato's hips and waist and demonstrating the leg and arm movements for better balance. It's all in the name of sport yet it ends up achingly intimate.

By the end they are both glowing and Wato is gazing up as Sherlock rambles about everything and nothing all at once and she can't take her eyes off her. They end up beside each other once again, yanking off their skates and mindlessly discussing breathtaking routines from *decades* ago because of course Sherlock has endless knowledge on all her interests. They end up sat there late into the afternoon as the public passes in front of them and Mrs Hatano brings them drinks and snacks. 

Wato talks about her school life and how exhausting it can be but how much she adores it. Sherlock laughs at her affably for not following modern skating competitions. Wato jokes that Sherlock isn't as popular as she claims she is. Conversation is cut short when Wato cheekily requests to see one of Sherlock's apparently *incredible* routines. Sherlock stalks off with a less than friendly farewell and Wato has to use all her energy not to chase after this woman she's barely known a day.

Sat speechless she confides in Mrs Hatano who halfheartedly mentions Sherlock's "moods", although it seemed like more than a mood to Wato.

They each spend that night pondering the fun they had and just how much they want to see and speak to each other again.

The next time that they meet Sherlock stomps up to Wato with a phone number and a proposition. The number is to organise additional practises with Sherlock who gets extra rink access because "it's practical, Wato! Don't be dense!" The proposition is an invitation to witness one of Sherlock's routines privately during one of the previously mentioned additional practises. Sherlock requests that she set the date for it but Wato quickly agrees.

It takes a week more of practises in the presence of Mrs Hatano and various instructors before Sherlock finally approaches Wato to make good on her offer that night.

When Wato enters the rink it is the quietest she's ever seen it. She doesn't even see Mrs Hatano shuffling about. Admittedly it is quite late in the evening on a Sunday. She calls out, spotlights flash and as she blinks Sherlock appears from the other side of the rink all booted up with a long, *extremely fashionable* coat draped around her. Wato laughs loudly at her dramatics and Sherlock badly covers a smile as she skates to the centre of the ice.

Wato shades her eyes from the lights as she tries to see who's in the tech booth although she's almost certain she already knows. She hears a  yell of "catch!" before feeling the impact of a coat on her face. Before she can protest Sherlock has assumed her opening position and she is... *dazzling*. Her outfit is delicately sequined and elegant.

The music sets off at a somber pace and Sherlock possesses all the majesty and grace of a prima ballerina. The pace picks up and though she feels slightly wobbly in front of this new audience she slices through the air, elevating herself half a metre off the ice and landing with perfect balance.

Sherlock does the most impossible choreography and Wato is *beyond* amazed. She is void of speech or even breath to fully convey the beauty of what she'd just seen.

Sherlock bows deeply after showcasing one of her early successful routines and twirls, waving timidly to the audience of one.

As Sherlock begins to exit the ice Wato rushes over and grabs her arm as she sings her praises. Sherlock goes to shake Wato's arm off in habit but is stuck halfway through putting on her skate guards by Wato's fascinated expression and sparkling eyes.

Since this is just a very long sneak peak of my ideas... I’ll stop here. Feel free to send me asks with your thoughts and questions about this AU though. I am very invested in it.

[tdrcharmschool4]

TDR Charm School 4 Final Exam - It's the Final Countdown

For the final exam, our students had to produce a mock audition filled with everything they’ve learned from the beginning of their time in Tumblr’s Drag Race Charm School 4, decked out in their fabulous Personalized Prom and Why You Gotta Be So Extra-curricular looks. Let’s see how they did!

Kushboo

Personalized Prom

Extracurricular Activity: Student Government

Letha: Hey Girl! So starting with the Prom look, I quite like it! The combo of the black/gold really goes well together, and the brown hair works with it as well. I will say the dress is a bit short and it should either be lengthened or shortened to have a silhouette that makes a bit more sense. The white heels throw off the outfit a bit as well. The styling of the hair could be neater but the height/volume is definitely there! I think if there was a little headpiece or gold crown or something it might add more interest to that area and tie it in with the outfit. On to the extra curricular look, I do very much get that feel from the top half of the outfit, including the hair (very Michelle Obama), and the skirt is a bit more out there which helps to make it less pedestrian in that regard. I think having maybe some signs or other props might have helped sell it more as well, as the journal is okay but not the most effective. For the lipsync, I think you had good presence and sold the song, but I wish you had connected more with the audience throughout through the lens. Performing on camera is a bit different than real life, in that looking into the lens is how you connect with people. You can deviate from that and emote/focus on other areas for a little bit, but you should always try to return to the lens. But the overlay and emoting is great! For the monologue I must admit I was a bit lost. I wasn't too familiar with Tennyson if I'm honest, but after reading up a bit on Ulysses this was a very interesting choice indeed. I think you could have sold it a bit more? Emoting frustration and discontent might have made it a bit more clear, in my opinion. Finally, the makeup! I think you really have improved throughout this cycle and it does show, but there are things that I think you could work on. One would be to make your lips more dimensional, with either outlining in a darker color, highlighting the center with a lighter color, or both. Same for the brows, the shape on the prom look is fun but a bit static, and the shape on the government look is very flat and not a shape that would be easy to emote through. I like the colors your picked on their own, but I'm not sure if they coordinate with your outfit choices, so keep that in mind for next time. Your lashes are looking better placed, now would be a good time to start practicing doing liner, either a really sharp wing of or a smoked out pencil. It really adds dimension and helps to restructure things. I think that just about wraps it up for me, so I'll leave you with saying how proud I am of your progress and can't wait to see what your Drag will evolve to after charm school!

Laveau: KUSH. This prom look is AMAZING. You look amazing! I love the entire package. The only thing I would have liked to see is more jewelry. May be a bracelet or a bigger necklace to give it a more elegant touch. I am enjoying this beehive on your head. It’s a bit messy, so going forward, be careful and pay attention to the little details as far as that is concerned. While your makeup has improved, you still have work to do, but don’t let that stop you from being proud of your progress so far. As for your student government look, I feel like you were going for the right idea but then you lost me with the skirt. It just feels like you either didn’t have a pencil skirt or just wanted to add an unconventional element to the look and it kind of takes away from the look as a whole. A better way to sell this concept would have been to incorporate more school supplies in the rest of the outfit. A fascinator made out of pencils or paper balls would have tied the look together a bit more. I really enjoyed your lip-sync! I appreciate the attitude and range of emotion throughout your performance. It was definitely fun to watch! Your monologue was well done. It was a bit hard to follow, but I do appreciate the concept. You have grown leaps and bounds in this competition. I am so proud of you and I can’t wait to see what you do in the future! <3

Sally: Hi Kushboo! I’m gonna talk about your outfits first, and then your audition reel. There are really intelligent attempts at work here, and I’m impressed with most elements, however there are some things to look out for next time. Both outfits seem to have flair about them that works super well, but technical issues seem to produce problems for me. Your prom look is stellar – the black and gold colour clash is really appealing, I get prom from this clearly and your character to me defines elegance so it wouldn’t be wrong to see Kushboo rock up to prom in eleganza like this. Remember to give us head to toe camera angles – these are close to head to toe, but I can’t see you feet until I watch your audition reel so I don’t know if you’re not wearing heels or not and if they correspond to your dress too – I don’t think they do correspond, but we’ll let it slide. Your exposure on the first picture with the light makes you look really heavenly but the second one diminishes details that I can see with the exposure. Your student government look is super cute; you look like you’re running for like Junior Councillor for the Head of a school, but the flair of having an unconventional skirt with resist propaganda on is a really smart touch. I wouldn’t have mind if your entire jacket had it too, or if the colours matched up better, i.e. writing with bright red / grey on black paper perhaps. Again, careful of your angles, I wanna see your shoes in your pictures next time and I don’t care if you’re wearing little biscuit heels or jelly flip flops!In your audition, it was quite long and I can see room for small technical touches here and there. For example, I’ve noticed you use fillers (um and erm) – with that you could cut out those and any pauses you too, that way your point comes across quicker and your train of thought is clearer through the edit. Remember to nail your runway in 15 seconds – it’s better to edit out your walk to your starting point rather than have it within your audition, and try to have your full body in the frame so that we can see the entirety of your costume move too.  All in all, you’ve excelled really well in your knowledge of yourself and progressing your drag character throughout charm school. I’m really proud to see your journey continue to this point. Great job! 

Toni: KUSHHHHHHHHHHHHHIm going to be doing this by segments so lets start with your outfits! I really love your prom look because I think based on what you've shown us it really does reflect your personal style. It's giving me Cinderllas stepsisters from into the woods and I really enjoy that. I think if there were a lot of stones added to the outfit as well as having the hair cleaned up a bit more and look more sleek it would be a perfect look In my opinion. The student government look I am really conflicted about. I get what you're trying to go for but I think if you wanted to do that you should have done all NONCON or all cloth just because theres a huge disconnect between the top and the bottom. I also think if you had done a suit or a jacket as well that would have been fierce. Your lipsync was SO GOOD I really enjoyed watching it and I think you kept it interesting through the whole thing so props on that. I would love to see you push the energy up thought to make it AMAZING. For your monologue the background noise was a large distraction but I do really enjoy what you produced, I think there were a few awkward pauses and I can't tell if you meant them to be there or if you were trying to remember lines but they need to be not there. I am so proud of everything you have done and how much you have grown <3

Dotte: I am absolutely LIVING for your prom look! I wish the other concept you had was better realized. A lot of the focal point is on the skirt and it doesn't really match the rest of the outfit. Ahhhhhh your lipsync was so cute though I feel like you've shown massive amounts of improvement there. Like we talked about, it's important to know what to do when there isn't any music playing and I'm glad to see you've figured that out. And I like this camera setting you have! It really allows for us to see your face really well! I'm so proud of you! Cycle 10 will be here sooner than you think and I can't wait to see what you do in the time between then and now!

Marcella: Ok Kushboo, this was a colossally long video, and it didn’t have to be. It’s important to plan your answers, and use things like jump cuts if you’re stalling a lot. That said, I think your responses were spot on for you and you have a good sense of self-perspective. I loved your prom look, and I felt your make-up for it was your best yet. Now for the lipsync – good choice, great job of articulating the unusual sounds in the song, and decent job of occupying the space and keeping it interesting. Between now and c10, I want you to work on your finesse. Your ideas and the aesthetic you’re going for are solid, but I want you to really focus in on details, and executing things as flawlessly as you possibly can, because honestly I think that is your biggest weakness as of now. I know you have it in you to polish up! Good luck for c10!

Harper: Whew, this was a long video! I think something that works for you is that you are very authentic and earnest, and that really comes through when you are speaking. I'd agree with some of the other judges that you could stand to edit out some of this (and film in horizontal next time, please), because while I think you did a fine job answering questions, it was a little dry in some spots. Try to be concise, personable, and minimize the sniffing! I liked your prom outfit, and I think it's very true to your aesthetic. I would like to see you wear a corset with a bit more structure to give you a smooth silhouette, and I will pass on to you the same critique that I'm sending to everyone tonight: LASHES. BIG ONES. I think you have a tendency to have really good ideas that just fall a little short on execution, and that's something you can really work towards in the future. I thought you did a nice job with the monologue and the lip sync, and this was overall a good final submission for you. Can't wait to see how you continue to progress, best of luck!

Luna

Personalized Prom

Extracurricular Activity: Athletics

Letha: Hey Luna! First off, well edited video. Everything is clear and labeled which certainly helps. On to the actual content, starting with the prom look. I love it from head to toe. The hair is very effortless but it works for me, the crown adds a nice touch of shine, and the black and red color scheme is gorgeous. I wish there were some nails though. For the makeup on the prom look, overall it's really good, love the red lip, my main critique would be to try for a harsher cheek contour, as the one you have now is very light and gets washed out easily when seen from a distance. For the sports look I really enjoy the boxing idea, and you really committed to it! The outfit and hair choices make sense. That being said, the end result is maybe a bit too totally masculine for me. I think if the shape was a bit more feminine with boobs/pads it might come across better. Also the flats make SENSE but I just think doing a black pump with a red leg warmer would be a bit more drag than a sneaker, ya know? The makeup here isn't bad either, a bit subtle though. The blood works but I think some more   Sfx makeup would have sold it a bit more. On to the performances! The monologue. Girl. Gretchen's Crack has a long and infamous tdr history for being quite overdone, so I was surprised to see it done again. That being said, it was okay, there have certainly been worse renditions of it. Now the lipsync is where you really shone, in my opinion. I was thoroughly entertained and you really pulled every stunt/trick out of the bag. The song was a classic and you had your words down, so props to you! I'm so proud of the work you've put into this cycle and can't wait to see where your drag takes you next!

Laveau: Luna! I see you are here to knock out the competition! One of the things I appreciate most about you and your drag is the attention to detail and how you package your content. I love the cohesive color scheme and how you tied everything together. I absolutely love your after school look. The oversized robe, the realistic blood, the attitude, but I feel like it lacks a certain drag flare. If you are to continue on to TDR C10, one thing that will set your submissions apart from the competition is adding a little bit of razzle dazzle (see: glitter/rhinestones/sparkles). I feel the same way about your personalized prom look. While it’s absolutely gorgeous and screams Luna, it leaves me wanting more. I feel like jewelry and/or rhinestones could have amplified this look to its full potential. Your monologue was HILARIOUS. Idk if you were going for an even more crazed/deranged version of Gretchen Weiners, but you nailed it. But girl…this lip-sync… IS HOW YOU LIPSYNC FOR THE CROWN! That is how you fill an instrumental break!!! There was never a dull moment and for that, I thank you. Overall, I think you have shown fantastic growth as a queen throughout charm school and I can’t wait to see what you do in the future! <3 Win, lose, or draw, you’re already a winner in my heart. <3 

Sally: Hello Luna! I am gonna start off by critiquing your outfits and then your audition. Your outfits overall were not what I was expecting coming from your amazing turnout for costuming week with these themes, I was a tad let down by some choices, but others brought it back up. You look adorable in your prom look, albeit looking a tad costume-y. Your styling is super cute and from head to toe the concept works well with your aesthetic. While your nose is looking pinched and proper, I’m losing definition around the cheeks – it’s probably just a personal thing for me, but if you could practice adding a flush of colour to the cheeks – a blush or a darker contour tone might bring out some definition there too.  For your athletic wear, I like some elements, and others just throw this off. Those shorts are hurting my soul so much, because of the cut of them, and I would’ve preferred you in an actual bra than compression bra, because I am losing proportions. When you get a concept like Athletics, it is hard to get out of the idea that you have to pertain to the standard – wearing tennis skirts for tennis, going for a realness factor. When you get an assignment, you should always question how you can make it draggier. Rhinestone your gloves, make your robe have a crazy train, little things like that can amplify your concepts, and surpass your progression from past weeks.Your audition was really well constructed, and I enjoyed watching it. Your runways were concise, quick and simple, You had your flow down to a T and you moved really elegantly. You have such a strong camera presence and I was really surprised that I could still hear you over your music in the monologue section (be mindful if your overlay music is loud, turn it down if you can!) All in all, you’ve really defined yourself as a strong competitor consistently, and even when you had your lows, you managed to improve on yourself for a comeback each week. Great job!!

Toni: I plan on doing this by segments so lets start with your outfits! I really love your boxing out fit! When you first suggested it to me I was worried ti wouldn't come off as drag but it really does. i think the hair choice was really smart and I love the look head to toe. Looking in on the makeup its clear how much you've grown in charm school, I think a few minor things could be adjusted like the placement/angle of your brows could be changed to look a bit lower and I really would have loved to seen the same red lipstick you used in your prom look but a bit smeared to add the "i've been fighting" feel to it. Onto the prom look I really love this on you!! It reads as fun and girly but still lowkey badasss. I think the only thing I would change at all about this look is adding a few black stones onto the bodice just to add a little something extra. YOUR LIPSYNC WAS AMAZING! I really enjoyed what you did because there wasn't really a moment where I was bored or distracted away from it because you kept every bit fresh and new. I think the air guitar into a slipt was honestly amazing, and I love that you paired your lipsync up with a look because it really helped to sell the performance. Now onto your monologue.... I hate this monologue (not because you did it but like as a piece) and every cycle someone does it and thinks it's a good piece but there are better pieces you could have picked IMO. That being said I think it was a really good rendition of the piece but I did find the music very distracting to the point where I was unable to focus on you so in the future please make sure the music sin't too loud. My favorite thing to come form your Q&A was how you talked about not wanting to win jsut for yourself but so that you can fight on cycle 10 for the chance to lead and help build the community because thats a huge factor in what judges look for on cycles when planning to crown someone is "how will they do in the leadership role". You did an amazing job and I am so proud of everything you have done over the past few weeks <3

Marcella: Your video felt like a real tdr audition to me. Sectioning each part off, having slides for your questions, these sorts of things might seem insignificant but, to me, they show that you’ve acquired a degree of polish during charm school that I appreciate very much. I enjoyed your monologue, and your lipsync was thoroughly entertaining! I loved the splits and the leg guitar, and the energy was just so right. Look-wise, your sports drag was very unexpected, but I do feel it could have been dragged up some more. It felt a bit ‘boy’, especially when you were moving around for the performance. I know the shoes were fitting, but girl don’t let me see flats again, k? Between now and c10, I want you to experiment. Especially make-up wise: try lighter make-up, try different eye shapes, polish up that nose contour. See what happens when you twist and turn the basic silhouette of Luna and adapt her to different ideas and scenarios. Best of luck for c10!

Harper: Overall, I think you had the strongest submission this week. I thought both of your looks were distinctly you and well put together, my only critiques were that the prom dress was a bit Halloween Store and the extracurricular could have been a bit more femme. I really recommend getting some fake chicken cutlet titties! It wouldn't have been much, but just a little bit of curve and some Rachel-Green-From-Friends-Nipples could really make it read just a bit more feminine. Overall, I think your makeup is strong, but I'd like to see you in big lashes and with a bit more contrast. There's nothing wrong with using stark black, it's just learning how to incorporate that black with appropriate shades and highlights for the full effect. I would like to see you choose a different monologue for the real audition because, in my opinion, this one was a bit played out, but you did a nice job with it. Overall, though, I think your lip sync was the highlight of your submission. The song and the look worked together, and the routine was perfect for your tough-girl character. I lived for it! I know there's a lot of pressure coming into a competition where you might be held to a higher standard because you are starting at a more advanced place, but I think you did a great job of trying new things and refining your skills. Looking forward to seeing what you pull out for your actual audition because if this is any indication it will be great!

Marina

Personalized Prom

Extracurricular Activity: Drama Club

Letha: Hey girl! So starting with the outfits, I think the theater one is very cute, and it being shorter helps you get away with the shape not being the most flattering. That being said, I do like it. The prom dress is okay, a bit pedestrian/run of the mill, but the hair and flower crown help to make it a bit less conventional. My makeup notes for both looks are similar. Lashes are a must, work on blending the shadow on the eyes so there isn't a stark line, clean up contour lines on the cheeks, and better overdraw/define on the lips. I really enjoy the liner shape on both though! For the monologue, I had to google what it was about and having done that, I would say that the lines don't quite match up to the monologue, but it's not bad, you were just quiet and not really emoting as much as I think you could have. For the lipsync, you had some definite choreography and I quite liked the performance. It was a bit hard to see your sync at some points, as the lighting wasn't the best, so watch out for that in the future. Overall you should be very proud of the work you've done here in Charm School, and I can't wait to see where your drag goes from here!

Laveau: Marina: Your prom look is stunning but it looks like you grabbed a wig and a dress, pout them on and called it a day. Your makeup has improved for sure, but still lacks a certain element of refinement for drag. I love your after school look. It’s giving me Columbia from Rocky and I liiiiive. Would have liked to see some jewelry, but the outfit itself is cute. Your lipsync was very entertaining. I loved the emotion and dancing throughout the performance. I just wish you would have filmed in landscape so we could have seen the full frame.  Your mologue was good as well, It was just pretty hard to hear you throughout it. You come so close to nailing it, but I feel like attention to detail is holding you back. You say that procrastination is holding you back, so now that you know that about yourself you’ve got to work hard to overcome that in order to succeed if you continue on with TDR. Make a list of things from head to toe/start to finish that you need to prepare for your submissions and systematically check them off the list in a timely manner. I see the potential in your drag, but it feels like you keep missing the mark. Congratulations on all of your growth this semester, and I can’t wait to see what you do in the future <3

Sally: Hey, Marina! I will talk about your outfits, then your audition reel second. Both of your outfit choices really reflect you as a person, and I applaud you for that, however some elements can be added to produce a full effect. Your prom look teeters on being a bog standard dress - I can kind of see this at a prom, but not really. I see this being more of a forest nymph than personalised prom. I would’ve preferred a longer cut on your dress, so maybe you could’ve added more length to it with an underskirt perhaps and added a few embellishments to really drag up the dress. The colour story is great - remember to take pictures of your feet within the shots too because I can’t see your heels in either of your shots in your submission and your audition with this concept, therefore I don’t even know if you’re wearing heels. Your drama club look is so fun and I love it honestly - really cute, playful, I get drama from it instantly. The colours pop and it’s exciting. I would’ve loved to see some sort of prop with this to sell it more, maybe one of those drama masks on a stick and you just throw it on your runway, might’ve excelled this more. Your audition is a kind of toss up. Remember to find your light, use a flashlight on a phone from far aback if need be, because some of your shots are really, really dark. You come across as quite shy, remember that you’re only talking to a camera and whoever’s on the other side wants to see you to the fullest, so when you film, remind yourself to be true to you to the fullest. Your runways are quite quick, take your time and make sure to film in an area that you can see your entire body clearly, your second runway seems to be a bit darker and a bit off-centre. All in all, you have improved a hell of a lot since the start of this competition, you’ve really proved to yourself that you can achieve a lot when you’re against all odds and I applaud your hard work. Great work!

Harper: I was getting serious Joan Cusack vibes from you this week and I can't put my finger on exactly what it is. You are so young and have so much potential, but I'm going to be real with you for a second: you've had excuses every single week and they are going to cost you opportunities. point blank. I know that's hard to hear, but it's something that I've had to learn as well as someone who also struggles with time management issues. Moving on, I thought both costumes suited you and the wigs you paired them with, but I would have liked to have seen more pizzazz with your prom look! It just came off a little flat when your extra curricular look was was so fun. Your makeup has definitely come a long way, and I think you have really gotten the hang of what shapes suit your face. I think the next steps moving forward for you are going to be to clean up your lines and add a lash. Please. Lashes will be what takes your look to the next level! As female drag queens, we have to work twice as hard to be taken seriously, and that means really owning the transformation: padding, contouring, cinching, wigs, and lashes because if any part of the "real girl" underneath peaks through people WILL call you out for it. It's not fair, it's frustrating, but it is what it is. I think the lip sync and monologue were both good choices for you aesthetically, but PLEASE film in landscape mode! It really does make a big difference. I think you have grown a tremendous amount through charm school, and I really hope you stick with it. Good luck!

Ophelia

Personalized Prom

Extracurricular Activity: Science Club

Letha: Girllll you know I love me some flowers so you had me with your prom look. I love the contrast of the stark (yet also muted) colors with the white. I think there could have been a bit more shape in the waist considering this length, but it's still very striking. I'm also not totally sure about the black shoes (I know shoes can be a bitch to find though, so forgiven). The makeup is great as an idea and I can see the direction it was taking, just work on cleaning up your lines to get that graphic style. I really do love this look though, the head piece is great. For the science look, it's honestly so fun. The shape is very much The Jetsons, and I love the transition of the appliqués from the outfit to the skin. I think a trim along the bottom of the dress would have helped clean up the lines, and I think maybe another color besides the white and purple would have added more interest, maybe a green? The hair is a bit of a nest but I think that was the intent so I can get behind that. The shapes on the makeup are interesting, but they just need to be defined/shaded/highlighted more to be believable and trick the eye. Also lashes are a must. For the monologue I was a bit lost, it seemed you were a bit stiff maybe? I'm not the most familiar with the material you pulled from, but it wasn't my favorite. The lipsync was great, as I expected, but check the overlay because it was off by quite a bit when you uploaded it. Still really good though! Overall, you have really outdone yourself, and looking back on week one you can see how far you've come. I'm so proud of you for that, and I hope you're proud of yourself as well! 

Laveau: Miss Waters….I was so in love with your prom look until I got to the shoes. That being said, it’s obvious how much work went into making this look and you did a fantastic job. I wish the dress gave you more of a shape but that could be fixed with either larger padding or by cinching the garment a bit more at the waist. Your science look is KILLER. I love the concept and how you sold it. You look like a science experiment gone RIGHT. The hair and makeup could use a bit of refinement, but I absolutely love your concepts and style of drag. Your monologue was a bit monotone, so I would, in the future, work on changing inflection so that you can show a bigger range of emotion in acting challenges. On to the lip-sync. I love that I could feel the passion in your lipsync. This is the range of emotion I’m talking about. Bring that to your acting. Congratulations on a wonderful semester and I can’t wait to see what you do in the future! <3 

Sally: Hey Ophelia! As per usual, I’m gonna give you my thoughts on the outfits and then your audition. Overall, your outfits are bold choices, but are a little rough around the edges. I’ll start by talking about your personalised prom, because it is extremely eye-catching. This is clearly Ophelia to the fullest and I’m seeing a strong aesthetic with what you enjoy in drag and how you produce your concepts in execution. It’s exciting, the colours you’ve chosen pop off the whites you’ve used in your scheme, and the clash of materials is exciting to look at. I would only say that the length of your gown doesn’t hit the floor, therefore exposes your black shoes. You could’ve added more fabric and flowers to the bottom, or even used socks and hot glued flowers onto the socks, putting them over your heels to make them correspond to your concept. For your science look, this is feeling a little bit rougher around the edges. I love that your silhouette is the shape of a science beaker and that your hair is frazzled like that of an experiment gone wrong, your purple scheme pops from the white again, and your choices in costume creation are so smart, but be careful with your makeup. I think a good example to look at for creative makeups like this for science is the partial face cover. Adrena Lin did this in Cycle 8 for the Pokepaint challenge using Muk, I think your normal face could’ve worked more than the scary-sludge lip you’ve done too.Your audition is super cute! Your camera presence is clearly strong, I feel like you know it’s a camera and not several people watching you on the other end which is a great attribute to have. You came across as quite awkward in your runway, make sure to just go with the flow when you walk, present yourself however you feel suited, and remember, take several takes if you have to! All in all, you’ve excelled into dragdom through this entire process and I’m really proud to see how well you’ve done throughout all of the weeks. Excellent work!

Toni: I'm going to be doing this by segments so lets start with your outfits! I think out fo the two the science one is my favorite. It has appliques and I am a slut for that, i love how the hair is styled and I think it's really fun but in a new way for you. I also want to point out the gloves because those are super cute. The makeup for that is really nice!! I would have just liked to see the eyes blended out so it was fading into the skin tone or if you had done like full black soot smokey eye to kinda match your hair. The prom look i really love too! the flowers are beautiful. I think it does lack a little shape but if you added a belt to it that could help the shape a lot. I also think if you had added a few stones among the flowers that just slightly catch the light that would have been cute too. The makeup for this one is the same as on the science one for me, just blend it a bit more so it doesn't look as harsh! onto your monologue it made almost no sense to me and I have literally no idea whats going on for it? I wish there was a bit of explanation in the video for it because I feel like it was kinda like a joke...that I just wasn't in on and for an audition or a show thats just...not good for the audience to not know whats going on. The lipsync was sadly off which i'm shocked to get from you because I know you know how to do that. Its hard to really judge the sync bc of that but I know you knew your words. I do wish there was an extra PUNCH of energy in this song. I think that would have really driven it home. I love that because of charm school you were able to find out more about your drag character and it's been so amazing to watch you grow these past few weeks!!! <3

Dotte: I wasn't expecting these looks from you at all! I love the ideas that you have going on here, but, as you said, attention to detail would be key here. One of my pet peeves is when someone's face is painted a color and their arms are bare. I'm not going to get into the lipsync missing it's sync but I'm really happy with the emotion you put into it. I hope you continue to experiment with different ways to lipsync and add complexity to your move-sets so it doesn't seem so "one-lineish." Hope you had fun on Charm School and thanks for playing!

Marcella: Ophelia, I was impressed with you this week. I felt you really pushed your costuming in particular, and both of your looks were super creative and pretty fierce. Your lipsync overlay was off :’[ but I could tell it was solid in spite of this. Great emotions as always, and good connection. I would love to have seen you inject a bit more drag flourish into your performance. You virtually HAVE to twirl when the beat kicks in, and I wish I’d seen you stomp and dance around a bit more. Your answers were very insightful and I definitely understand your drag character more from hearing you discuss your journey. To work on in the run-up to c10, I want you to think about exactly how Ophelia does everything. How does she sit, how does she dance, how does she interpret things? You’re onto a character, and I would love to see that character blossom and for you to fully embody her in every single aspect from head to toe. I wish you all the luck for c10!

Harper: I really liked the concept behind your looks, and I think both fit your character well. Something you touched on in your interview was the attention to detail, though, and I think that is definitely true for this week. I did not care for the fact that the body paint on your head and face didn't extend to your arms, and I feel as though you are relying on it again. It's fine to use the paint as a base, but the drag makeup should be good enough to stand on its own, and I feel that without the white it would not hold up. Take it a few steps further than what you are doing now, I know you are capable of it! I think that's also my critique for your lip sync. I'm going to hold you to a higher standard of the other girls because we share the lsfyl background, and mama... this overlay was very off. Don't be afraid to play with concepts for lip syncs in TDR like you did for LSFYL... most of the other girls are going into it doing really super basic lip syncs in dirty rooms and having a lsfyl background gives you a real opportunity to help yourself stand out in a positive way. I'm going to challenge you to think outside the box next time. I think the best part of this video is seeing how much more comfortable you are in front of the camera than you were when we met a few years ago. You seem so much more relaxed and personable and I'm really proud of you for that growth. Keep it up!

[itfightsback]

3/17/2017

All of the things I really want to be able to open up and talk about right now I can't without risking prison. People can be irresponsibly cruel to each other for seemingly no reason at all. Such is the way of nature. I could linger on about the current drama of my life for hours, but I want to talk more about where I came from.

Everyone has seen different things, came from different places, and overcame different trials in their lives. That being said, I have to tell you that many wouldn't last a single day living in the hell that is my mind. I'm not trying to say that I have been through the worst in life, but I have definitely seen, and am all too familiar with it. On the morning of 9/11/2001, we were celebrating my friend's birthday on the bus on the way to school. At 11 years old, we couldn't really comprehend what was happening at the time. A touchy subject for very many so I won't linger. It was not long after that my father, who has been in the US Army since 17, was called for airport security duty which caused him to pretty much live out of a hotel 30 minutes away from us for several months. This left my mother to take care of me and my 3 younger siblings, ages 8, 6, and 3 at the time. My parents both worked and on different shifts so one of them could always be there with us. One would come and the other would go, and at times they hardly ever got to see each other. Things were never easy there, but I am truly blessed to have my parents who stayed together through all of the tumultuous shit we have been through together when I know so many people who have lost their parents, or been abandoned by them, at a young age.

I believe it was sometime that same year that I was woke up in the night when the meth lab in a trailer across the street from ours blew up. Nope, I didn't grow up on the inner city streets. I grew up in a shithole trailer park on the outskirts of Jefferson City, MO. I saw and had to deal with things as a child that I would not wish upon my worst enemy. I doubt you have ever fished multiple cockroaches out of the pitcher of Kool-Aid before pouring yourself a glass. Not to mention continuously flicking them off your plate while you are eating dinner. There just isn't anything like the feeling you feel when you are in 2nd grade and you see one escape from your backpack and take off across the room yielding widespread screaming and panic.

See, I grew up in a place where no one gave a fuck about any of us. We did the best we could to look out for each other while also looking out for ourselves first. I grew up in a place where no one said a word when someone beat their children or spouses. I've heard kids screaming and crying through the walls from down the street. I've seen a street fight over a fucking candy bar. The kids ran wild in the trailer park because their parents neglected them due to work, or because they would rather drink or do drugs. We were all poor and white so we didn't deal with race issues, and I never heard about or saw any issues with pills. Police violence wasn't a thing because we were in Highway Patrol jurisdiction, and if you called, you'd be lucky if they showed within 15 minutes. I don't blame them, I wouldn't want to fuck with that kind of crazy with a badge and a gun either. We were generally left to fend for ourselves, and we had much bigger problems than rampant petty thievery. Mainly abusive alcoholics, cocaine, heroin, and meth. It was a shit show in there, and I am so glad my younger siblings didn't have to see everything that I did.

All the way through school it was hard to make any real friends. I was one of the smartest kids in school despite all of the other kids that I knew from my neck of the woods being trouble makers and not really trying at all. I knew better than to talk about things because I knew I would find myself in more trouble than it was worth. I earned their respect by keeping my mouth shut when they did stupid shit, nor did I ever try to stop them. They were the only friends I really had, and I spent a lot of bus rides teaching them how to do their homework. So many other kids at school had nicer clothes, shoes, and school supplies. Our parents were always working, and I had to look after my siblings. So going to other kid's houses almost never happened, and I sure as hell wasn't about to invite them to mine. I was rarely ever bullied because I surrounded myself with the bad kids and we looked after each other like we were family when we were little. I learned how to keep my eyes open and my mouth shut. I learned how not to be seen or heard, and get away with things that others wouldn't. I was always pretty quiet, and I was fascinated with observing what the other kids were doing. Even from that young age my mind was often more full than my mouth would allow.

Growing up in the environment that I did stole something from me that I will never be able to get back. I won't say it robbed me of my childhood. I had friends there. We played video games, rode our bikes, built bike ramps, trespassed anywhere we could get away with it, and threw rocks off the cliff at cars driving on the highway. The typical dumb stuff kids do. What it stole from me is a normal perception of the world around me. I don't know what it is like to be black, latino, asian, indian, middle-eastern, or female living in a world that is largely dominated by white men. I know what it is like to be looked down upon by all those I just mentioned as they all fight for their own equality. I also know what it is like to be looked down upon by white people as an inferior human being based on circumstances completely out of my control. That disconnect in my own ability to be able to easily relate to others has plagued my entire existence on this planet. Like I said I wasn't really bullied. We saw the looks the richer kids would give us, and we stayed away from each other. We finally got out of there when I was 15 moving to a house just down the street as I was about to start my second year of high school.

I eventually graduated high school, and then college. Most of the friends I had in the trailer park didn't finish high school in order to get jobs, and/or help their families. Thus repeating the cycle of being trapped in that poverty ridden shithole. Some of them are junkies that only work so they can supply themselves with more drugs. I know multiple people rotting in prison for child porn. I know multiple people who have been killed in crashes while driving drunk, or with heroin in their system. I had a friend that was shot on the street making a drug deal. There isn't a single thing about where I came from that is pretty, and the saddest part is that most of them don't care enough to try and get out. Anyways. Enough of this talk for now.

I am now at a point in my life where my privacy has been violated in ways I can't begin to even comprehend, nor do I even want to anymore. I have two weeks left to figure out how I am going to pay my rent. It is really hard to be happy and love myself when so many people I love, and have looked up to, are trying to tell me I should hate myself for what I am trying to do. I don't understand what about arranging songs that relate to my life in a playlist to tell a story is so malicious. I am not trying to claim your songs as my own. However, I am trying to claim that I arranged them in the playlist. I am not trying to be you. I am trying to be me. Something about arranging songs in a playlist creating a memory is a lot more exciting and interesting to me than just hitting the favorite button and accumulating new songs I like in an ever-growing list of music. What I am trying to create, is some kind of cross between Big Fish, Happy Feet, and Fifty Shades Of Grey, and yes I absolutely want to be the greatest at it. I am sure I enjoy listening to music more than I would enjoy creating it. I lack visual/spatial creativity, and that is a fact. I have taken tests. It isn't my strong suit.

I have had to do everything in my life the hard way, and have tried to invest so much of myself into others only to be beat down by them. I honestly don't think there is a single person in the world I can trust anymore which is unbelievably disheartening. I wish more people could love me for me, and not for what they seek to gain from me. I won't be surprised when nothing changes, and I still have to fight for myself all by myself. This world has enjoyed seeing me struggle from the day I was born, and I have already surpassed every expectation anyone in my family ever had for me. I'm not about to stop there. I will keep praying for another day that I might be able to feel the warmth of the sun, or look up in the sky to see the stars and moon as I continue to try and understand what it means to be happy and achieve my dreams. I can tell you one thing for sure. I have never felt happier in my entire life, than when I would look into her eyes, see her every thought vanish from her mind, and her face light up like a blooming flower. I know I don't need her in order to be happy, but that doesn't stop the emptiness where my heart once was from yearning for her. It is something I have to keep taking one day at a time.

It is not easy to have a friend or a family member who dies. We mourn and remember the impact they had on our lives. It is harder to have a friend that lives, and somehow gets off by tormenting your very soul for their own selfish benefit. It is even worse when all of your friends are that way, and even your own family doesn't believe in you.

If you are reading this and can relate in any way, have lost someone, have been served absolute hell in your life, feel misunderstood by everyone, or feel no one sees you, you are not alone. If you feel like you can't overcome what you are facing, feel like you aren't worth anything to anyone, feel like you can't make it to tomorrow, feel like the world would be better off without you, or feel like giving up, I want you to know from the very bottom of my abused, broken, distraught, and ever-beating heart that YOU ARE THE ONLY REASON I AM STILL FUCKING HERE.