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mha-grievances · 1 year

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I posted 32 times in 2022

That's 32 more posts than 2021!

23 posts created (72%)

9 posts reblogged (28%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@anti-bakugou-memes

@mha-rewritten

I tagged 25 of my posts in 2022

Only 22% of my posts had no tags

#mha critical - 24 posts

#bnha critical - 24 posts

#anti bakugo - 13 posts

#anti katsuki bakugou - 13 posts

#anti bakugou - 13 posts

#anti bakugou katsuki - 10 posts

#anti bakugo katsuki - 6 posts

#mha tooru - 3 posts

#mha hagakure - 3 posts

#tooru hagakure - 3 posts

Longest Tag: 23 characters

#hitoshi shinso critical

My Top Posts in 2022:

So I think most of us can agree that anime has a lot of fan-service. Whether you like it or not, it’s simply the truth. For the most part, I could care less about fan-service. Too much makes me uncomfortable and deters me from an anime, but if it happens occasionally, then I don’t really care.

Another thing we can agree on is that MHA definitely has a lot of fan-service. I’m able to ignore a good chunk of it, but like others, there are things that make me uncomfortable. Momo’s costume, Midnight’s suggestive remarks when around literal teens, etc. Today though, I’m not going to talk about those though. Instead I want to talk about a certain panel that showed up during this week’s leaks:

It should be no surprise that the literal bunny hero is sexualized, both by Hori himself and by the fans. However, this right here is gore porn. Miruko is on display right here. The way she's laid out on the ground. The way her costume pinches in certain places. The way she’s even winded. For some reason, despite her injuries being super severe, Hori decided to use this moment to sexualize her. Why? What purpose does this serve to the story? Again, fan-service is going to be part of a story, but this is a huge tonal shift. This is supposed to be a dramatic moment. The number five hero was taken out, most of her limbs torn off. This isn’t a moment where she should be sexualized, but she is. Over on my other blog @anti-bakugou-memes, an anon said the following:

“People call her "disturbing and fetishized" purely for the fact that she has several missing limbs. Like... It's so terrible and abelist. Just because character is hot and disabled doesn't mean that they are sexualized. Fetishy disabled content is when character is helpless and used by superiour dudes. Mirko isn't. She is dominating the fight and being her badass self. How is she fetishized or disturbing? Fans are just ableist as fuck.”

In any of Miruko’s other moments, I’d definitely agree. I don’t have positive opinions on her, but one thing I do appreciate is that she’s never been treated as “lesser” or sexualized due to her loss of limbs. In fact, she’s still been kicking ass and taking names. Her sexualization has been focused on the fact that she’s an attractive and fit woman. Her disabilities play no part in her sexualization. It’s not treated in a fetishized way nor is it treated as something unattractive, which is commendable. However, here it feels that her being helpless and tired is being sexualized. This woman has had her limbs ripped off, is most likely dying, and even if she survives she’ll have a lifetime of trauma. Instead of showcasing that, it feels like Hori drew up something for some sick gore hentai. He could’ve drawn her in literally any other position or manner to convey she’s been defeated, and yet he chose possibly the worst one. It’s nasty and outright disrespectful.

55 notes - Posted September 15, 2022

Katsuki Bakugou and Why He’s Poorly Written

Whelp everyone, it’s time for me to kick things off with a bang by talking about Katsuki Bakugou. Just note that this essay is only a draft and I plan to release the full one once MHA officially ends. For now though, I hope you enjoy.

As the title says, Katsuki Bakugou is a poorly written character and is easily my least favorite character in all of fictional media. Now, I think there's two huge parts of his character and it's important to go over them. The first half of Katsuki is one that everyone recognizes, he's a boy with both a superiority and an inferiority complex. It's what the series considers to be his biggest flaw. As a character concept, this isn't new. In fact, anyone could list at least five characters like this without any issues. Why is this important? Well, simply put, this isn't why I hate him. Characters who start off egotistical and get humbled are often some of the best written ones. For Katsuki though, they don’t do this architype well. Now, he clearly has moments where his ego is checked (his fight against the Sludge Villain, him losing the battle trial, him not fighting Shoto at full strength, his fight against All Might, and him getting captured by the League of Villains). At first, he simply gets pissed off, which is natural. Soon though, he begins to reflect on this, realizing that he isn't the best. Normally, this is a good thing. However, most of these lessons don’t stick and Katsuki’s back to acting like he was before his ego was checked. What do I mean about this? I’ll get to that soon.

Sadly, now we get to the part I absolutely hate: the Katsuki that's a full on monster. For those of you raising your pitchforks at me, I'll provide some examples: first off, he bullied Izuku because he enjoyed it. He mentally destroyed a boy just because he dared to have a dream. Second, he nearly committed murder and didn't feel anything about it. Remember the battle trial where he launched a deadly explosion? Now, here's the part where some of you will say that he didn't intend to kill Izuku. That's true, but he didn't care if the boy died. He shouted "not if he dodges," not "he'll dodge." He was wiling to murder someone just to win a stupid exercise. Unlike his egotistical side, this side never develops. You never see him thinking to himself "oh, maybe I went too far," or "wow, I was such a shitty person." It's simply brushed to the side. No one in cannon ever bats an eye to this, and it hurts their characters. Katsuki nearly attacks Izuku in the quirk assessment exam? Shota gives him a warning, despite the fact he was about to expel Izuku a moment ago. So you're telling me that you'd rather keep someone who clearly has anger issues over a boy who's trying to learn how to use his quirk? After the battle trial, he's told to 'grow up' instead of being expelled on the spot. Shota's last class must've been filled with the worst people imaginable if he was willing to expel them and not the maniac. Ejiro and Mina have experience with being bullied, but they befriend Katsuki? Why? They should know that Izuku's being bullied based on his reactions (normal people don't flinch when around someone), but they conveniently ignore it. The entire class ignores it. Hell, I think they know something's up based on their reactions to when Izuku picks his hero name, which hurts their characters even more. Everyone else's characters are harmed because Katsuki has plot armor and everyone's got to worship him, even though realistically no one in that class would like him. Then there's the final exams, where the school tries to use Izuku to better Katsuki, phrasing it like it's somehow partially his fault that Katsuki doesn't want to work with others. Cool, let's treat Izuku as nothing but a prop and ignore the fact that he's actively tried working at getting Katsuki to cooperate. Next comes one of the worst things I've seen in a while; their confrontation when Katsuki learns that Izuku has All might's quirk (which have I mentioned is one of my least favorite scenes in all of media?). When Katsuki keeps questioning Izuku about why he was chosen, this should've been Izuku's time to shine. To give Katsuki 'the reason you suck speech' and let him know the literal hell he's been put through and how All Might doesn't care about strength but instead the person you are. Nope, instead that whole ordeal is brushed to the side and Izuku continues bowing down to Katsuki, showering him with praises. It makes Izuku look weak and makes me believe that he has some form of Stockholm Syndrome. This should've been Izuku's time to show that he isn't weak anymore (the battle trial doesn't count because after it, Izuku goes back to being skittish around Katsuki), but nope, let's ignore the fact that the reason Katsuki was kidnapped was because the villains saw one of them in him. No, it wasn't because he was weak that All Might had to save him. It was because he was a garbage human being. After that, Katsuki's sins are forgiven (if they weren't already) and everything's fine, except Izuku still has to deal with the trauma Katsuki inflicted on him. Unlike his ego, his shitty person-side is never checked. He's never punished for the things he did or has done. He practically gets off scott-free in this regard. He learns a lesson regarding checking his ego but never learns that he needs to be a better person. The only reason he's being "nice" to Izuku is that Izuku is no longer 'weak'. He's treating him like the rest of his classmates now (compare the way he treats the rest of 1-A in the beginning of the series to now. There's almost no difference).

Continued on a separate post cause apparently Tumblr has a character limit. Here’s the link: https://mha-rewritten.tumblr.com/post/685448765657792513/katsuki-bakugou-and-why-hes-poorly-written-pt-2

72 notes - Posted May 27, 2022

Katsuki Bakugou and Why He’s Poorly Written pt 2.

Continues right where part one ends. Read part one here: https://mha-rewritten.tumblr.com/post/685448277861269504/katsuki-bakugou-and-why-hes-poorly-written

Now, as I was saying before, he’s not doing so out of guilt, but because Izuku is 'strong' now. I guarantee that if he encounters another quirkless person, he'll bully them the same way he bullied Izuku. Hell, I believe that if Izuku did commit suicide, he wouldn't care.

In the end, Katsuki is supposed to be a hero, yet he's acting more villainous than the villains without any reason. Both Himiko and Twice have had their minds shattered by their quirks and find that they have no use outside of bloodshed. Tomura, Dabi, and Spinner want to destroy the society that destroyed them and prevented them from living a decent life. Their actions are horrible, but their motives are understandable and makes the viewer pity them, making them compelling villains. Even Muscular, who's basically Katsuki's steroid filled twin in characterization, is a better character because he knows he's a villain and rolls with it. He doesn't claim to be something he's not. He's not deep, but doesn't need to be as he's simply an obstacle. Katsuki? Well, cannon keeps trying to shove the idea that he's a hero in people's faces, but he's not. I get it, the point of Katsuki's character is that he has a superiority and inferiority complex: he has a strong quirk and hates it when people seemingly look down on him (hence why he took offense when Izuku tried to help him when they were kids). However, his response is to mentally and physically torture a boy. You don't have to like everyone, you can choose not to socialize with someone, but the moment you CONSCIOUSLY hurt others, then you're a bad person. People with trauma in the MHA verse such as Ejiro, Shoto (after the sports festival), and Izuku manage to be good people when they have every reason not to be. Even if Katsuki was right in that Izuku thought he was better than him, his response is to mentally and physically torture someone. There's knocking someone off a high-horse and then there's being a shitty person (not to mention how hypocritical Katsuki is being). He's a villain who is treated as a hero and gets no repercussions for his actions nor is he a villain who lashes out after being victims of injustice. He's not even one of those well meaning villains who chose to fight against society. He's just flat-out evil and a Karma Houdini. The only time he's ever punished is when he fights Izuku in the mock-city upon discovering his quirk and compared to everything else he's done, this is nothing, andIzuku also gets punished for defending himself. You can also argue that he doesn't earn his hero license, but he hasn't been shown to learn the importance of saving others from it. In fact, that's another strike against him, he never learns that the most important thing about being a hero is that you save the innocent and everyone sees it as fine. All Might literally says to Izuku that he needs to learn to understand the people who fight to win. Uh, this isn't an MMA anime/manga. This is a superhero one. In this case, saving people is more important than fighting. Even the most edgiest anti-heroes like Punisher and (later versions of) Deadpool avoid damaging the innocent in their crusades. Katsuki? He doesn't care if they die. As long as he beats up the villain, he's fine. I know this is supposed to be a process, but we're pretty far in the manga already and it still hasn't happened. Not hero material in the slightest. And sure, you can argue that his character is meant to embody the 'win to save' mindset, but only the 'win' part is ever shown, never the save. While he does mention this theme in his ‘apology’, it isn’t enough of a recognition for reasons I’ll get to soon.

I also want to highlight that Endeavor's development's been far better than Katsuki. He's been called out on his behavior, used All Might's retirement as a means of learning (discovering that only focusing on being number 1 is a hollow feeling), and is trying to make up for lost time. And guess what? Most of the Todoroki family makes it clear that he has a lot to atone to, and rightfully so. He has to work for their forgiveness, and so far, the only thing Shoto has done is begrudgingly given him a second chance. He still hates his father. Endeavor's being held accountable for his actions, and he still is now that Dabi's identity has been revealed. Katsuki hasn't been held accountable for anything. The redemption story is far from perfect (seriously, it should've taken a lot more for Rei to forgive him), but it's a million times better than Katsuki's.

Some of you might be thinking that I think he needs to have some sort of severe beatdown or something to change. However, I wholeheartedly believe that Katsuki doesn't have to have something traumatic to cause him to change. People change all the time without such incidents. However, he needs to have an 'oh shit' moment where he realizes what he's done. Hell, I've read fanfics that have redeemed Katsuki in magnificent ways without excessive violence. Canon has yet to give him a good redemption arc and doesn't seem like it will as they keep singing him praises. During the scene in the second movie where Izuku gives Katsuki OFA, he says that All Might won't mind it if Izuku gave it to him due to the fact that he admired All Might as well. What about the fact he was a shit human being and hasn't acknowledged this or bothered changing? I understand that transferring OFA was necessary in that final fight, but if All Might or his predecessors are even decent human beings, they will take problem with Katsuki having the quirk meant to symbolize hope and peace.

I think that the best time for his character to develop was during his fight with Izuku after discovering the boy has OFA (and in the way I mentioned or in a similar way). Its a bit too late for it to feel natural now…

Also, I know Katsuki sacrificed himself for Izuku and FINALLY apologized. However, both came out of nowhere. The sacrifice was way out of character for someone like him, especially when he still doesn't realize he's a horrible person ('his legs just started moving on their own' came from nowhere). If his development was more natural, like him consistently showing he's changed rather than him flipflopping between being the same person who bullied Izuku and someone who's trying to change, then this scene would've easily changed my opinion on him. The sacrifice felt more about protecting One for All instead of Izuku himself. If he were to have died, then he basically becomes resolved of any potential consequences he should face for his wrongdoings, stuff he still has yet to acknowledge as wrong. It'd be a cheap copout. It also felt forced seeing as it's supposed to be a touching moment between two friends, but Katsuki was nothing but an abuser. Same goes for the apology. Just ten minutes ago he was insulting Izuku and then he suddenly apologized? Yeah, there's a thing called consistency and this wasn't consistent behavior on his end, weakening the apology to the point where it was practically meaningless. These scenes also remind me of another reason I hate Katsuki's redemption story: Katsuki's 'redemption' story involves a lot of telling, not showing. We're told that he's changing, but he continues to do things that shows he hasn't. He still insults his classmates, hurts Izuku with a block of ice, mocks All Might the past users of OFA (he mocks the previous users dying due to them not being strong enough), fired a point-blank explosion at Tamaki for not fighting him, told a civilian to kill himself, stabbed Izuku in the head for talking about his progress with Black Whip (nearly killing him a second time), and yelled at Fuyumi for talking about her trauma. It takes a special kind of asshole to do the things he's done even AFTER his 'redemption story', especially nearly killing a fellow hero a second time, yelling at a TRAUMA VICTIM, and insulting people who risked their lives to save others while saying you could do better! Because of this, when we get moments like him sacrificing himself to save Izuku (which I think was more-so him protecting OFA rather than Izuku) or him telling the kids not to look down on anyone, it becomes hypocritical and/or OOC. Like what motivated such a random shift from Katsuki calling Izuku a 'wannabe All Might' (a sensitive topic to Izuku and is something he knows is sensitive to him) to suddenly apologizing? Either he has poorly written Bipolar disorder or he's just not a human being. In addition, the apology felt more as if Katsuki was apologizing about being an asshole, but not an abusive piece of shit. The apology needed to be lengthy, not just ‘sorry for everything I did’. He needed to actually acknowledge what he did instead of taking the easy way out, especially when his list of heinous acts are as high as they are. He even needed to acknowledge Izuku’s emotions and why it’s his fault Izuku suffers from self esteem issues. Instead, he just claims he was mean to Izuku, which is far from what he actually was. Dude nearly killed him twice. That’s not mean, that’s evil. Also, he still hasn't received any consequences for his behavior. Endeavor's life is being ruined and he has to watch his son Dabi become a villain, something he's responsible for. When has Katsuki suffered a blow to his reputation? Outright lost a fight to a 'nobody' or even a supporting character? The answer is never.

Another issue I have with Katsuki's development is that it also presents a horrible message: "if your abuser gets slightly better, what happened to you doesn't matter. Just forgive and it'll be like nothing happened! In fact, it was probably nothing so don't even bother thinking of it as abuse. Oh, and don't tell anyone because the person that hurt you is secretly good (lol, no, they wouldn't be hurting you on purpose then and sure there are good people who do bad things, but there's a difference in mugging someone and nearly killing them without remorse), and did I mention that it doesn't matter anyways!? Your mental health doesn't matter, just push through it, life doesn't revolve around you" (this was paraphrased from a comment on an AO3 story, I believe it was one left on 'Fuck Bullies' by RandomWeirdCat, which is a great anti-Katsuki story which I'd highly recommend reading). It may not have been the author's intended message, but it's the one he gives out (I have no ill-will for the author btw. It's horrible that people are sending him death threats for no reason. If you don't like the series, either complain about it online, write Fanfiction, and/or don't watch it).

I also want to mention that Katsuki has Mary Sue traits. Note that I didn't call him a Mary Sue. That term's been thrown to hell and back, but I do stand by the fact he has some traits of a Mary Sue. For starters, I feel Katsuki wins more than he should. In an outright fight, he's only physically lost once and that was in the second movie against Nine. You can also count his kidnapping by the LoV as a loss, but Dabi snuck up on him, so I don't really count it. Same goes with the Sludge Villain. I also don't count the final exam since it was a team battle and it was never concluded. Most of his 'defeats' is to his ego, which would be fine if A: he's humbled from his defeats which he isn't and B: his character flaw was only that he has a large ego (when in reality, his biggest flaw is being a terrible person, which is never addressed in canon). Yeah, he has a powerful quirk and good instincts, but he's never been formally trained and others have superior quirks which are barely shown off. Kyouka and Denki come to mind immediately. Kyouka one-shots anyone she plugs her jacks into (and from what I've seen, she can plug them into anything) and Denki can produce 2 million volts and his quirk lasts for a few seconds, producing a current which could easily kill someone. Shoto also would've stomped Katsuki if he used his fire as Katsuki isn't fireproof (otherwise Dabi wouldn't have been able to threaten him). Muscular, Rappa, and Overhaul would also kill him if he fought them. Rappa even has more striking force as he was able to break Ejiro's 'unbreakable' form while Katsuki couldn't pierce through Ejiro's regular form (only reason he even won that fight is because Ejiro has a time limit to how long he can remain hardened. If it wasn't for that limit, Ejiro could've just won the match. In fact, I'm positive that all he needed to do was grab Katsuki and headbutt him for a KO, but of course, Katsuki HAS to win all his fights. Oddly enough, this showing means that Katsuki's explosions are about as powerful as a bullet since Ejiro's regular hardening was able to take a gun shot with only a crack, more damage than he took when fighting against Katsuki. Katsuki's quirk does have the advantage of having a larger spread though while also being a combination of heat and force whereas a gun's only force). Fumikage would've also been able to demolish Katsuki if it wasn't for his weakness to light (a fair weakness, so I won't say anything about that). As for Katsuki's fighting style, his arms are his source of his quirk, so all someone has to do is break them and he can't use his quirk or else the recoil would bust his arms further (he does have enhanced strength, but he still gets hurt by things that would hurt normal people, so breaking his arm wouldn't be hard if you can get him in a correct hold). If anyone knows anything about boxing, Katsuki's fighting style is similar to that of an out-boxer, where he uses his arm's max reach when throwing attacks. Typically, an out-boxer does so to keep their opponents at bay and I think that due to the recoil of his explosions on his own body, he has to stretch out his arm if he wants to use his quirk to its fullest potential. In every fight, we see this and the only time he doesn't extend his arm is when he's letting loose smaller explosions. Simply put, if someone wanted to break his arm, all they'd have to do is dodge the first strike and slam his elbow with enough force. Long rant, but my point is that his quirk's overrated in canon and there are other quirks that exist that are simply better yet never get the time to shine (and if they do, it's for a running gag. Seriously, Kyouka casually one-shots people for laughs but when it comes to a fight, she suddenly forgets that she can). If they do get some spotlight, it's not against Katsuki who would get stomped without issue. He also has never received any formal training, with his only fights Pre U.A being against those who can't defend himself.

Adding on to the idea of Katsuki having Mary Sue traits, we're also told that Katsuki is also incredibly talented (somehow he can cook, is capable of tutoring when he has no social skills, ranks third in intellect, and can play the drums) yet we actually never see why he has these talents or when he developed them. Your character can be talented, but at some point, there's TOO talented (unless they're shown to have acquired those skills in a flashback or such is the purpose of a character such as Izuru Kamakura from Danganronpa who even then has a weakness- his apathy and the inability to find meaning in life). This wouldn't be that bad if his flaws hinder him, but they don't, or at least in a meaningful way. The worst it did was delay him getting his hero-license. He also gets suspended for provoking a fight, but so does Izuku for defending himself, so I don't count it since he wasn't solely punished for something that was his fault. In general, he never gets punished for his behavior. Seriously, despite how he treats everyone, he's still beloved and anyone who doesn't like him is painted in a bad light (such as Neito and the crowd who was correctly booing him at the Sports Festival). Ejiro and Mina, the two most anti-bully characters in the show, somehow don't notice that Katsuki is a bully and are still friends with him. I've already mentioned all the other stuff he should've gotten in trouble for (such as him nearly killing Izuku in the battle trial), so I'll save you that rant again, but all in all, Katsuki's flaws don't hinder him what-so-ever and he seemingly is good at everything (even in regards to social stuff, something he should be terrible at).

Katsuki is also clearly a writer's pet. You can clearly tell whom the writers pets in MHA are based on how they're treated and how they never receive consequences for their actions. Now, it's alright to have favorites, it'd be hypocritical for me to say you can't when I have my favorite characters of all time listed on my profile, but when it impedes in your writing, especially in a published material outside of FanFiction, you have a problem.

Finally, I also want to talk about rival characters. A rival character can be great. A character can learn how to improve themselves with the presence of a rival character. Naturally, a rival character doesn't have to be a good person, but they need to offer something to the main character. Katuski offers nothing, or at least nothing that another character can't. In terms of pushing Izuku to be the best hero, Tenya and Shoto could easily take Katsuki's spot. It isn't like Katsuki offers anything outside of being a skilled fighter and a benchmark that Izuku strives to be, which is something Shoto is better at anyways (him being considered the current strongest of 1-A and being able to fight almost evenly with Katsuki despite using 50% of his power). Tenya can also serve as an intellectual rival to Izuku. You also have Tomura causing chaos and showcasing the faults of the hero world. He represents the external conflict Izuku faces and presents an internal conflict as well (how far is he willing to go to save people). Katsuki is supposed to represent the idea that winning is sometimes the best way to save people, but Tomura could also teach Izuku this as well. Katsuki's actions only showcase why a desire to only win as a hero is bad and nothing else, which again could have been fine as well if it wasn't for the fact he's never punished for his mindset and that Izuku still worships him. Some might try to say Katsuki has a strong will and that this is something Izuku strives to have, but he nearly throws a temper tantum after having his butt handed to him during the final exam (he was stupid to even think he was anywhere near All Might's level especially after the Sludge Incident). Izuku was the one who snapped him out of it and has shown that he has a stronger will than Katsuki. Some might also say that Katsuki has confidence that Izuku wishes to emulate, but he could've easily gotten it as he got a better handling of his quirk. Seriously, Katsuki offers nothing to the narrative besides being a hindrance to the main character's growth, and not one the kind that challenges Izuku to grow further like Tomura and the other villains do. He also has no plot relevance, with the only plot relevance he has being that time he got kidnapped and triggered the fight between All Might and All for One, but you could easily replace him with someone else. Shoto's a perfect example due to his connection with Endeavor and Dabi being his brother. While rival characters are important, Katsuki is an example of one that isn't needed. MHA would've been much better without him. He's also a crap secondary protagonist (if you consider him to be one) due to his crappy redemption arc. I have no reason to cheer for him, rather, I'm waiting for him to get his long overdue karma strike.

I also quickly want to compare Katsuki to two other characters who get shit on by the fandom but in my opinion don't deserve to be, or at least don't deserve it as much as Katsuki does. First is Neito Monoma, who I think is a far superior character than Katsuki. Neito has shown that he can be a decent person (offering supportive words to Setsuna after she lost to Katsuki) and actually has a sympathetic reason for his behavior. He was constantly mocked for his situational quirk and wishes to prove that he can stand with other heroes. He also wishes to show people that his class is every bit as good as 1-A. Does it excuse his behavior? No. But it both explains it and makes his actions reasonable. He also hasn't tried killing or excessively wounding anyone, which is a bonus, and actually gets punished for his behavior. Yeah, you can argue whether the punishments are too light or whatnot, but Neito receiving some punishments is better than Katsuki receiving nothing while having everyone continue to suck his dick. Second is Minoru Mineta. There are several reasons for why I like Minoru better than Katsuki: first off, he doesn't hog that much screen time. He does his thing and is immediately out of the picture until he eventually comes back. The most screen time he's had is his battle with Midnight. Meanwhile, we have to deal with Katsuki almost all the time save for the Overhaul arc. Secondly, Minoru does face some punishments for his behavior. He gets nailed by a rock when trying to perv on the girls during the Summer Camp training arc, Tsuyu almost drowns him after he groped her, his classmates constantly look down on him due to his behavior (Denki mentioning that he thought Minoru was as dumb as him and Mina), and some of his classmates actively avoid him/are disgusted by him (Mina excluding him from the room competition). As I mentioned thousands of times, Katsuki never gets punished for his behavior. Everyone loves him for no reason and he gets a slap on the wrist at worst. Again, you can argue that Minoru's punishments are too light, but like I said with Neito, some punishment is better than no punishment when comparing the two. Finally, the series isn't constantly shoving down the idea that Minoru is a good person. His reason for being a hero is made known and mocked by his classmates. He's not treated by some noble person or someone who should be followed. He's constantly mocked for his shortcomings. The only reason he hasn't been expelled is due to plot armor. Meanwhile, canon keeps trying to get us to believe that Katsuki is someone who should be admired despite all his actions. He's given a shitty 'redemption story' to add on to the fact he should be admired, but due to how bad his 'redemption story' is, it only makes his case worse. He also has far worse plot armor than Minoru due to reasons I've already explained. In the end, I find Minoru to be much more tolerable than Katsuki. Now, in the case of me liking Minoru over Katsuki, I'm not arguing which of them is a better character, but which one I like better. I'm neutral towards Minoru as mentioned before due to him being a trope rather than an actual character while Katsuki is a horribly written one.

In conclusion, if the egotistical side of Katsuki was his main characteristic, then he would've been a fine character in my eyes. All that had to be done was make him a cocky asshole who looked down on Izuku for being quirkless and have him occasionally make remarks demeaning the boy, with him getting struck by karma or witnessing something life-changing causing him to rethink his behavior and work on improving himself. Sadly, he's instead someone who revels in another person's suffering and he neither learns from his actions or is punished for his manners. His behavior is simply brushed under the rug. Add the fact that he ruins other characters and he's one of the worst I've seen. It really speaks volumes when your creator wishes that he went a different direction with your character despite you being his favorite in the first place. Katsuki could have been something amazing, or at least decent, but he is never given the development needed to make a character like him work, reducing him to a shit character. Also, him being a kid doesn't excuse his actions. He's old enough to know how to be a decent human being. He simply chooses not to. If he is old enough to receive official training to be a hero, he's able to tell right from wrong. Another thing people use to defend him is that "it's not his fault he's the way he is. Society taught him to be that way." Except it didn't. It taught Katsuki that he has every right to develop an ego, but it didn't teach him how to be a bad person. He chose to torture others. That's 100% his fault. He chooses to tell Izuku to kill himself. He chooses to try fighting an unconscious opponent. He chooses to nearly kill someone twice. He's old enough to tell right from wrong and he doesn't have a reason as to why he can't (such as Himiko Toga whose quirk warps her brain to the point where she can't help but kill). Saying this is stupid and removes the concept of personal responsibility from someone who CAN control their actions. Now, there's things you can and can't help. Katsuki can't help but grow an ego in the environment he was raised in but he CAN help how he treats people (or at least help not torturing people). There's a difference between ignorance/being a cocky dick and outright evil behavior. Katsuki is the latter. In the end, he's one of the biggest wastes of potential I've come across.

Also, I know someone’s going to try to say something about how I don’t know Katsuki as well as Hori does, and that’s true. However, part of being a writer is conveying all the traits of said character. Katsuki is poorly written in that Hori hasn’t been able to convey all that he’s wanted to about Katsuki. Again, it’s a show not tell sort of deal. We’re told that Katsuki’s getting better but we never see it. Those moments that end up showing improvement only end up being OOC since they appear once in a blue moon and are not consistent. Hori may know his ideal version of the character and his intended development/feelings, but he hasn’t been able to convey them effectively in his writing of the character. As such, the Katsuki in his mind and the Katsuki on paper are two different people. An author can say whatever they want about their character, but unless they can effectively show the readers proof of their claims, then the claims are invalid.

TL;DR (To Long Didn't Read): I hate Katsuki because his development is crap, he constantly escapes punishments for his crimes, he has worse plot armor than the freaking MC (Katsuki's whole existence is protected by plot armor (him winning fights he should lose since his quirk's weaker than a bullet and easily countered by anyone who knows how to fight, everyone loving him despite him being awful to them, him not being expelled despite Shota being a 'logical' teacher, etc.)), his character spreads harmful messages, and his existence hurts other characters. I'd let his past behavior slide if it weren't for these reasons. I've actually had to stop reading the manga/watching the anime for a bit because of how much his character ruins the canon series. I love the setting and a lot of the characters, which is why I still write Fanfiction about MHA, but the cannon series is a waste of potential. Again, I have nothing against the creator of MHA, I'm just giving my opinion on his work.

If anyone cares, I can name other egotistical, psychotic, and/or antagonistic characters who've received ACTUAL good development than Katsuki 'let everyone ignore my sins' Bakugo. His character trope can produce some of the most powerful and well-written characters, but Katsuki represents how easily it is to screw it up. Some of the characters I know of who do his trope right even start off as worse human beings than him and have similarly crappy motives. The difference is how they're handled.

90 notes - Posted May 27, 2022

Hori being a perv part 69

So Tooru Hagakure is my favorite MHA character despite mainly being a gag character. So much could’ve been done with her, but hasn’t been done due to a combination of things (her not being a central character, there being many other characters already, Katsuki hogging up screen time that could’ve gone to others, etc.). After years of waiting, we finally got to see a glimpse at what Tooru looks like. Not only that, but not long after, we finally got her on a cover page. And what does Hori do? He fucks it up. This is the image-

Now let it be known that I love the color of her hair and design. What I don’t like is that instead of, ya know, putting her in a cute outfit or something to show off her design, he decides that he’s gonna make her naked. Why Hori? Yes, I know that her hero costume has her naked, something that still bothers me cause if Mirio can get a costume that phases with him then Tooru can definitely get a costume that turns invisible with her, but c’mon. Really? Should’ve expected this seeing as he admitted to Minoru being a self insert for his perverted nature but it still sucks to see. And like I said in my post about Miruko, I’m not a prude about fan service, but at some point, there’s a thing as too much fan service and unneeded fan service. This is one of those instances.

142 notes - Posted September 28, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

So in the future I want to go over Hori’s style of comedy and why it doesn’t work, but for now, I want to highlight an instance where his comedy does land, and it’s here:

Honestly this little joke got a chuckle out of me. I’ll even say it was well written just because Fumikage and Kyouka’s characters make it work. It isn’t overly sexual, it isn’t Katsuki abusing Izuku for the billionth time, it’s just two teens having a small and funny exchange that takes less than a second and doesn’t really detract much from the events going on. It’s one and done. And it’s relatable cause most people get flustered from physical contact, platonic or romantic. So Hori, you’ve earned a W this time.

201 notes - Posted May 29, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #mha critical

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pinkiewitchcraft · 1 year

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I despise the term “pretty people”. Because not only is it completely shallow, but it once again uplifts what has already been uplifted for years.

Thinness, youth, clear skin, white supremacist features, and the obsession with being perfect all the time.

It doesn’t matter what skin color or ethnic features you have, if you’re thin and young with clear skin, if you look like a stereotypical porcelain doll, you’re invited to the pretty people table. Because prettiness still means “fit this narrow definition, and you’re considered worthy of being acknowledged.”

Not once do you ever see beings with skin conditions (acne, dark spots, scars, eczema, etc), beings who have wrinkles, beings who are old, beings who are fat, beings who have flabby bodies, skinny-fat beings, beings with all kinds of disabilities besides skin conditions, beings who just don’t look like the stereotypical model, etc.

Not to mention the fact that, when a being is conventionally attractive, and therefore deemed pretty or beautiful, they get treated better than others, other beings obsess over them, and the halo effect comes into play. Because of course, beings still hold on to the belief that looks equal personality. That looks can be moral and immoral. It’s disgusting.

Because despite supposedly praising diversity and saying that everyone deserves equal treatment, in the back of many minds, they still treat those deemed beautiful much better than they treat anyone they see on the street. They are still extremely shallow, and a product of the society which brainwashes them to think a certain way.

Aka pretty privilege.

You see this when people say stuff like “I wish you clear skin”, whenever they want something good to happen to someone. And when someone’s being a horrible person, they go “I hope you get wrinkles”, or they say “you’ll be all old and wrinkly”, as if having acne, wrinkles and being old is a bad thing. Far from it. Those are lovely traits to have. I will gladly grow old, get wrinkles, and have grey/white hair, and acne spots on top of that.

Or they start bullying other features that someone has. Whether it’s having a neckbeard, having a receding hairline, being bald, having a lazy eye, etc. In the age of “diversity” many are still shallow and disgusting, and have learned absolutely nothing, and it shows.

And as someone who has never had any sort of pretty privilege, especially being a black being, I understand what it’s like to feel unseen, unheard, pushed aside, etc. i understand what it’s like to feel like a monster. To feel untouchable and gross.

I despise pretty privilege with a passion, and anyone who uses the “pretty people” tags, I am very cautious around.

And when someone reblogs my photos and puts a “pretty people” tag on me, it makes my heart sink because this is not the purpose of my blog. My purpose is to not be pretty and acceptable. Far from it. My purpose is to represent people who are like me. The weirdos, the “uglies”, the unappealing, the strange, etc. And my appearance will only get stranger.

I also make it my utmost duty to represent beings considered ugly, hideous, unattractive, unappealing in my art, my stories, etc, because they deserve to feel seen and heard. They deserve to know that somebody cares and is hearing them. They deserve to feel loved and appreciated.

Pretty people have been over represented for way too long, and I’m tired of it.

#pretty privilege #pretty people #criticism #shallow beauty standards #toxic beauty standards #beauty standards #bullying #body shaming

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the-er-system · 2 years

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✌︎ Intro And DNI ✌︎

⚀ Basic Intro

Physically, we’re nineteen, disabled, neurodivergent, and an ambulatory wheelchair user. The reason we’re called the ER System is because we’re a medical disaster, and so far it’s been three-four years of medical testing with no answers. C’est la vie

⚁ Alter Guide

There’s a lot of us and our system is constantly changing as we figure things out. Just check the tags for things we post and we’ll maybe do intros. Some of us post to the side blogs @system-scientists and @er-gamer-girlies

❥ #er system Cain

-DNI

❥ #er system DW

-mid 40s, they/them

❥ #er system Jason

-19, he/him

❥ #er system Jo

-17, any pronouns

❥ #er system Leo

-16, he/him

❥ #er system Magpie

-19, they/them

❥ #er system Mikey

-DNI unless you’re a friend

Boundaries: We don’t want to answer questions about our system unless you’re a close friend. We formed because of trauma and are too tired to really engage in endo discourse, so we prefer if pro-endo people leave us alone. If we’re looking for content on OSDD, we’d prefer it be from other traumagenic systems.

⚂ DNI

✘ Any of the phobes

✘ Pro-shippers

✘ The usual people on these lists y’all know who you are

✘ Evangelicals

✘ People who think non-physically disabled people can reclaim cripple or count as cripplepunk. I don’t care if you’re neurodivergent or whatever else. I am too but that’s not what makes me cripplepunk. I’m not gonna argue this fuck off

✘ Fakeclaimers

✘ Pro-endo

✘ Pro-irls

✘ Literally anyone obsessed with internet discourse and that qualifies as Absurdly Online

#introduction #system intro #cripplepunk #jester in the court of life death and law #anti discourse #er system #er system leo #er system jo #er system jason #er system rc #er system magpie #er system steph #er system mikey #er system DW #er system Anna #er system yoyo #er system Evan

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glommergoop · 2 years

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please help a trans disabled system stay afloat

hi it's me. mr. ebeg. i’m here to beg on tumblr dot corn.

i’ve been trying to find consistent work for over a year and have had a couple interviews or other promising stuff, but nothing’s turned out. i keep trying to do commissions of multiple types (art, writing, and more), but i’ve literally gone 5+ months without a client sometimes. when i do get commissions it’s usually not for very much. i’m selling things i own online and locally. i’m borrowing money from cashapp and racking up extra fees because i can’t pay it back yet. i DO have section 8 now, which pays most of rent, i still have $30 a month to pay (fee for my pet cat) but genuinely even $30 is starting to become insanely hard to get. i’ll start getting food stamps at the end of this month (on 11/29/2022), so food will be ok after that

i’m literally trying every option and still nothing is keeping me afloat and i can’t fucking live this way anymore so i’m just gonna become the ebeg guy!

tdlr: i very desperately need help from anyone able to give if i'm going to be able to pay my rent and not be evicted next month!

i really just need at least $30 a month for what’s left of rent but would like to try to raise $185

- 185 is the average (give or take a bit) amount of bills that i have each month. not much in the long run, but still literally way out of my budget. i am frequently having to just let bills go unpaid until things get threatened to get cut off because i cannot make enough fucking money and i’m so tired. if i could get $185 i’d actually have some breathing room and maybe be able to save money. but also i’m aware that’s kind of a lot. beggars can’t be choosers, anything helps.

please don’t tag as don4tion or boost like that or tumblr will shadowban the post

bonus details about my situation under the if you care:

i also used to work with a place that’s supposed to help disabled people find work, but i finally quit working with them because they’d treated me very badly. (not gonna go too into depth about that bc it was genuinely traumatizing, but for reference my breaking point was when i arrived to a meeting to meet the new counselor they wanted me to work with since my old one left the company - my FIFTH fucking one in the time i’d been there - and... they literally didn’t even tell her that she’d be taking me onto her caseload. so she didn’t show up. i tried very hard for multiple months to still work with them because i DO need accommodations, and... was treated too poorly to make ANY progress and this particular event just broke me man.)

last month, i got some more money from my late tax return and i thought i’d be okay for a while because i could pay off bills. and then. an error then caused my bills to come out twice, putting me 200 fucking dollars in the negative and i spent the entire month having to beg my friends for money for food and to get out of the negative so i could pay that stupid fucking $30. i had to contact my racist/transphobic jerk dad who i’d cut contact with because he doesn’t respect me being transgender at all, to ask him for the last $50. this was all extremely stressful to the point that i basically stopped sleeping - spent several days up all night (not in a row ofc but it still sucked), kept not being able to sleep until 7 am, etc. it was honest to god the worst time i’ve had in. a very long time.

basically i’m So Fucking Tired. the stress never ends and i need any help anyone can give me.

i’ve kind of given up on doing commissions of stuff but if you donate and would like to see examples of the fanfics or graphic design stuff i make, just send me a dm or something

#a lot of this is copied from my last post you’re just gonna have to forgive me for that i’m Tired #mutual aid #transcrowdfund

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writingsofhubris · 2 years

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Drabbles - Ch. 1

Ch. 1 - Dr Harding Hooten [AO3] [c2] Rating: M WC: 806 Tags: Medical marijuana, Drug Use, Physical Disability, Caretaking Fandom: Monday Mornings Ship: Harding Hooten/Reader Disc: M (Drug use) Harding may not partake in the use of marijuana, but he did support the medical applications; applications that his partner found to work best over other options for their chronic pain. (unspecified gender reader)

“Fuck.” A soft sigh fell from your lips, head falling back to the pillow. You needed to get up, out of bed, you knew that. But the intense pain that flared into your legs, up to your hips, and you knew better than to try and get up just yet. A slight flex of fingers, and you knew most of your joints were shot for the day. Even your cane was on the other side of the room, and it’d be hell to grab it. A careful roll to the side of the bed, and you saw that Harding was already gone, out of bed well before you had managed today. Your eyes closed, taking just a few more moments in bed to steal your body for the next moments.

Right before you started to get up, you felt the bed press down near your feet, a hand moving to rest on your calf, a gentle pressure to remind you that he was there. Your head popped up to look at the man, and a tired smile appeared on your lips.

“I thought that you’d left for the day,” you greeted, taking the moments to nuzzle down into the comforter. Your hand reached out to him, and he took your hand in his, his thumb rubbing over your finger.

“Not yet, I’ve still got an hour.”

“Anything to do until then?” You could hear the smile in his voice.

“Nothing but find my keys.”

“They’re on the vanity,” you replied, pulling him back into the disheveled bed. He took the moment to shift you both, holding you closer to his chest for a moment. You curled into him for just a moment, taking care not to wrinkle his shirt too terribly much. “Shouldn’t have left the cane here yesterday,” you finally grumbled into his chest.

“I told you to bring it,” he gently reminded you.

“I know…” A sigh from your lips, and you shook your head a little. “Next time I will.”

“You almost certainly won’t.” Your smile was rueful, hearing that.

“Yeah, you’re right.”

“Will you be alright for the day, alone?” You peeked up at him, narrowing your eyes. “None of that, darling. You did a lot yesterday. Let me take care of you sometimes.”

“Did you get my meds last night?”

“I put it on the nightstand. Flower and capsules, like you wanted.” You couldn’t help pressing closer into his arms, wanting to steal all the distractions you could right now. “How bad is your pain this morning?” It was only days he could tell you were in pain that he’d even ask, and you bit your lip.

“Bad.”

“Would you like me to set your medications up for the day?”

Lips pressed together, warring between wanting to stay put and actually listening to Harding warred for a moment.

“I should let you; help this pain.” It was always a weird sight to see the doctor preparing your pipes, making sure that you were well and truly prepared for the day without him. He helped sit you up, handing a small piece to you, with a lighter. “You always make me feel like I'm still in a doctor’s office, learning how to use this.”

“You could always wait until I leave.”

“Not today.” a couple puffs, and you leant back down to let the smoke wash over your mind, numbing that insistent pain.

“Can… can you bring my cane over before you leave?”

“Of course, darling.” Instead, he settled in next to you, having given you the space you’d actually needed to smoke without getting any on him. His arms wrapped around you again, pulling you back to his body so you could fall asleep again. This was the easiest way for him to get you to actually rest.

“Thank you.” You allowed silence to stretch between you both, almost able to slip back into a light dose. When you woke next, it was to Harding slipping from under you, carefully laying you back on the bed. You heard shuffling, your medication set on the nightstand just as you’d asked, and you rolled over to his side of the bed, laying down where he normally was.

“When will you be home tonight?”

“Seven, unless I’m called for an emergency.”

“Text me if you can, alright?”

“Alright. Go to bed, I will try my utmost to be home tonight.” He stopped right before he was able to leave the room, and went back to you, pressing a kiss to your forehead. Your lips curved up, hand reaching up to cup his cheek for just a moment.

“Have a good day at work, doctor.” You guided his lips to yours for just a moment, allowing the seconds of selfishness to pull you closer.

Harding broke the kiss, smiling at you.

“And you, my darling.”

Tags: @arandomnerdsblog578, @unitedfandomsoftheworld, @justdomebody, @randomfandomtrash28

#harding hooten #dr harding hooten #x reader #.W #monday mornings

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regenderate-fic · 2 years

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All the Quiet Nights You Bear: Chapter 28

Fandom: Doctor Who Rating: General Ship: Thirteenth Doctor/Rose Tyler, Thirteenth Doctor/Yasmin Khan, Yasmin Khan/Rose Tyler, Thirteenth Doctor/Rose Tyler/Yasmin Khan, Past Metacrisis Tenth Doctor/Rose Tyler Characters: Thirteenth Doctor, Yasmin Khan, Rose Tyler, Najia Khan, Hakim Khan, Sonya Khan, Dan Lewis, Jack Harkness, Ryan Sinclair Series: And We’re Not Out of the Tunnel Word Count (Chapter): 1,596 Other Tags: Fluff and Angst, Angst, Emotional, Disabled Character, Chronic Illness, Bad Wolf Rose, COVID-19, Self-Quarantine, Domestic, Autistic Characters, Polyamory, OT3, Slow Burn, Disability Read on AO3 / Read in order

Summary: Rose Tyler-Noble jumps out of her parallel universe, leaving her husband and family behind in the hopes that being back in the right universe will improve her well-being.

Yasmin Khan is out for lunch with the Doctor when she sees a blonde woman sitting on the sidewalk, crying.

The Doctor, Yaz, and Rose travel back to Sheffield to see Yaz’s family, but they have to leave the TARDIS so it can reset, and when they come back, it’s gone. The police have confiscated it, and they want to see proof of ownership before they give it back. And the Doctor left her psychic paper on board. And they’ve landed in March of 2020, just before everything shuts down.

Stranded in Sheffield, they have no choice but to get a flat and quarantine together. Which, when you have three emotionally volatile people who care for each other more than they’re willing to admit, can be complicated.

(Sequel to And Still I Will Live Here, but hopefully readable out of context. Updating on Saturdays and Wednesdays.)

NOTES: this is the last real chapter before the epilogue! i don't know when the epilogue will go up but it will go up. i hope you liked the fic <3

Rose sits quietly with the Doctor, sipping her tea, thinking about John and the Doctor and all the differences between them and everything that’s the same. Until the Doctor says, “Are you all right?”

“I’m as all right as can be expected,” Rose decides. “You know. Still going through a lot and all that.”

“Yeah.” The Doctor takes a deep breath. “Any sort of healing takes time.”

“Yeah.” Rose sighs, putting her tea down on the nightstand next to her. “I just wish it were easier, is all.”

“You don’t really want that,” the Doctor says quietly. “Hard means you and John loved each other, right? Easier might mean you didn’t love him as much. Or you forgot him.”

The Doctor is right: both of those options are unthinkable. “I suppose so,” Rose says. She lets her head fall on the Doctor’s shoulder, and the Doctor wraps an arm around her. “Guess I’m just tired.”

“’Course you’re tired. Anyone would be, after what you’ve gone through.” The Doctor leans her head against Rose’s, letting her hand comb gently through Rose’s hair. Rose’s eyes slip closed at the touch. “Good news is, we’ve got loads of time to rest. Months and months, probably.”

Rose manages a laugh. “Suppose that’s why it’s your personal hell.”

“I could probably use some rest too, if we’re being honest,” the Doctor admits. “I was just running away from my problems. And I was right about the running, too! Second I stayed still, all those problems caught up to me.”

“Yeah, well, it’s a good thing, too, ‘cause otherwise you never would’ve talked to Yaz properly,” Rose says. “Or me, I suppose, but you weren’t exactly expecting me.”

“Not in a million years,” the Doctor says. She pulls Rose closer, turning her head so she’s speaking into Rose’s hair. “But, just for the record, I’m absolutely over the moon you’re here.”

Rose lifts her head to look at the Doctor. The Doctor’s looking back at her with that strange intensity in her gaze: it’s thrilling, now Rose has gotten used to it, now she sees it directed wholly and without reservation at her. She feels a little shy, somehow. The last time she felt shy like this— it was probably when she told the Doctor, the old Doctor, that she’d assembled the dimension canon so she could come back to him. She has the same sort of butterflies in her stomach— the same sense of knowing exactly how the Doctor feels but still feeling like it’s a risk to acknowledge it. It’s a nice kind of shy, actually, if only for the Doctor’s smile when Rose takes the risk.

So she does.

“I’m glad I’m here too,” she says softly. And then she tips her head forward, just a little, gauging the Doctor’s response. The Doctor matches the movement, their faces hovering millimeters from each other. Rose breathes shakily through her nose.

It only takes the barest movement for their lips to meet, coming together in a flurry of love and understanding and, still, grief.

Rose has never actually properly kissed the Doctor before— not as herself, within her memory. She kissed John, of course, but he wasn’t the Doctor. She knows, in theory, her first Doctor kissed her to get the time vortex out of her, but she was far enough gone that it didn’t register; and then Lady Cassandra kissed her second Doctor while in her body, but that was decidedly not Rose and did not count. As they got closer, he’d kiss her forehead sometimes, or her cheek, and she’d do the same for him—but they were both too scared to cross the line into overt romance.

Rose isn’t scared anymore. She’s lost too much: she’s lost the Doctor three times now, and she’s lost John, and she’s lost her family, and she’s not about to let herself lose the Doctor yet again without putting everything on the table.

So she kisses the Doctor with everything she has, one hand at the back of her head, the other brushing her hair behind her ear, and the Doctor responds in kind, her hands cupping Rose’s face. It’s a little more desperate than Rose expected, all things considered, but of course it is. It’s thousands of years in the making, from the Doctor’s perspective, and from Rose’s— well, she just needs the emotional release. And it’s working: everything she’s been feeling lately rises up in her, and tears spring to her eyes.

She pulls away. The Doctor is looking at her with so much love in her eyes, and it only makes Rose want to cry more. She feels a tear trickling down her cheek, and she looks away.

“Hope it wasn’t that bad,” the Doctor jokes.

“No,” Rose says. “No, it wasn’t. It’s just—“ She waves a hand.

The Doctor hooks an arm around Rose’s torso and pulls her close, letting Rose fall against her. “I know,” she says, soft and genuine. Rose buries her face in the crook of the Doctor’s neck.

“I love you,” she says, the words falling out of her mouth as if inevitable.

The Doctor doesn’t even hesitate.

“I love you too, Rose Tyler-Noble. Long past time I told you.”

Rose starts crying properly, then. She doesn’t even really know why: it’s just that the Doctor is being so kind, and it reminds Rose of John, of course, but then this is a confession she’s waited years for, something the Doctor couldn’t even say when it was her last chance in the universe.

And still, somehow it doesn’t feel like a big deal at all. It’s not earth-shattering— it’s not dramatic— it’s just the Doctor and Rose, sitting together in a quiet bedroom, sharing a moment.

They sit like that for a while, just holding each other. Eventually, Rose stops crying, and she’s able to look back up at the Doctor. The Doctor meets her eyes. Rose still can’t believe how much emotion this new Doctor can pack into one gaze: it’s dizzying, really. And so very beautiful.

Rose kisses her again, soft and slow and sweet. She’ll never get used to this, just like she never got used to it with John: the Doctor’s hands tangling in her hair, brushing the tears from her cheek, resting lightly on her waist. When Rose pulls away, she doesn’t go far. She just rests her forehead against the Doctor’s and closes her eyes. They hold that position for a long moment.

Unfortunately, the Doctor can’t stay still all that long. Rose has been pushing her luck, really, with her quiet moment, and now the Doctor is jumping up, saying, “D’you think Yaz wants to play Animal Crossing with us? We could have a party! I’ll host, I’ve got an amazing setup.”

“Sure, Doctor,” Rose says, unable to suppress a smile. “Go ask. And grab my Switch while you’re at it.”

The Doctor frowns. “Where do you keep it?”

“It’s in my room,” Rose says. “Ask Yaz. She knows.”

The Doctor practically runs out of the room, and Rose laughs. Ruby comes in, stepping adroitly around the clutter on the floor, and hops up on the bed, curling up right in Rose’s lap. Rose scratches behind her ears, still smiling.

Yaz comes in a moment later, Switch in hand. She sits next to Rose, joining Rose in stroking Ruby’s orange fur.

“You seem cheery,” she says.

Rose shrugs. “Just glad we’ve worked things out, is all.”

Yaz puts an arm around Rose and squeezes. “Yeah, me too.”

The Doctor appears in the doorway. “Found it!” She’s holding up two devices: her Switch and Rose’s. She takes her place next to Yaz and passes Rose’s Switch across Yaz’s body to Rose.

The rest of the day passes peacefully, even joyfully. Rose still can’t believe that everything’s turned out so well— a week ago, she didn’t trust this Doctor at all, and Yaz was a total stranger. But the Doctor is still the Doctor, no matter what, and, as it turns out, the Doctor has good taste in friends. Or partners, as the case may be.

And that night, they’re all curled up together again in the Doctor’s bed, laughing as they compete for limited space and blankets. Finally, they settle down, Rose curled in the crook of the Doctor’s arm, Yaz lying across the Doctor’s chest with an arm slung over Rose.

“I don’t think it’ll always be this easy,” the Doctor says into the darkness. “Going to take time, yeah? To figure things out?”

“’Course it will,” Yaz says. “Nothing gets better in a day.”

“It’s been a good day, though,” Rose adds. She nestles in closer to the Doctor.

“That it has,” the Doctor agrees. “Just don’t want you two to go running when it turns out I’ve still got problems.”

“We know you’ve got problems,” Yaz says. “Seriously, Doctor. No one expects you to be healed right away.”

“It’s not like we’re without issues, either,” Rose points out. “But Doctor, I’ve spent so much of my life running towards you. I’ve worked for this. There’s not a chance I’m running away now.”

“Exactly,” Yaz agrees. “As long as you don’t run from us, yeah?”

“Wouldn’t dream of it.”

It won’t be easy. Rose knows that. Relationships are hard, even when everyone involved is human and healthy and not a time traveler. There’s a lot they’ll have to talk about, a lot they’ll have to work through. But now, tonight, as Rose falls asleep against the Doctor, Yaz’s arm still around her waist, she finally feels safe.

#doctor who #my fic #fanfiction #all the quiet nights you bear #and we're not out of the tunnel #thirteenth doctor #rose tyler #yasmin khan #thirteenrose #thirteen x rose #doctorrose #thasmin #thirteen x yaz #yaz x rose #thirteen x yaz x rose

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melancholicmoonlight · 1 year

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Blog Rules

Quick mun info: Grayson, 21, it/its he/him. I write ocs.

Follows from: @eatingthebodyofgod

Basic rp rules: don’t goddmod, dont tell me how to write my muses, don’t spam, be patient. no harry potter, terfs, etc.

I do reblog-chain type threads, as I’m most comfortable with that, but I don’t mind trying dm roleplay

I really do not care how long your responses are, but please know that mine will be short. The most I respond with is one paragraph, or short, quick-fire responses with a sentence or two. It’s pretty simple and quick to the point for actions and descriptions. I usually more for dialogue if I can, though. But I tend stay away from writing out my muse's thoughts in detail if I find it unnecessary. Please know that I am not in any way a legit writer, I don’t write fanfic or my own works out of roleplay. I just like doing this as a fun little thing and because I like smacking these little freaks around like dolls.

Do not, under any circumstances, reblog one of my threads unless you are part of it. If you liked it, great. Just please respect me and my partners and don't reblog. I will block you.

Don't reblog m!as or question prompts from me without sending at least one ask. I am not a meme resource. If you can't think of what to send, reblog from the source if it is available (you may reblog from me if it isn't), otherwise I will probably block you.

I do not use gifs/photos or elaborate, fancy formatting or elaborate tags. You can, but don’t expect me to.

If you’re gonna send me things over anon where my muse is supposed to know it’s from yours, please tell me in dms beforehand or state who it is from in the ask. I’m usually too tired to piece things together and I like to be told what is going on so I’m not confused.

No graphic ns/fw or sm/ut. Most I will do is a fade to black.

Some tw’s for this blog are: Body horror, horror in general, gore, blood, violence, cannibalism, alcohol use, guns, knives, murder, hallucinations, and possibly more. I tend to leave these untagged on threads, but please don’t be scared to ask me to tag something if you need me to.

If you wanna say something happened out of thread between our muses, ask.

Please don’t have your muses suddenly know what my muses have done in threads that you have no involvement in. If you want them to have established knowledge, please ask.

I don’t personally have any triggers, but I will not write out certain topics as I find them to be unnecessary. Dm to ask. || with that being said, muses are allowed to discuss trauma they have with other muses.

Do not force ships. If you think a muse pairing is cute, run it by me.

If you call Jamie “the mute man” or whatever or overly focus on any muse’s disabilities, I will not write with you. You’re weird.

If you do want to rp with me, you can either dm me to plot or just go ahead and shoot me an ask of whatever. Just be sure to specify which muse it’s for.

#ooc #blog rules #i might edit this in the future if need be #goddamn this sounds so serious and strict lmao im sorry

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itstheelvenjedi · 1 year

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15 Questions, 15 Mutuals

I was tagged by @mimabeann ty! :D I’m not gonna tag 15 people bc I have fear of being that annoying so :’) if you wanna do this consider this a tag, and no pressure if not!

1. Are you named after anyone?

Not exactly. Though my name is biblical. My mom isn’t particularly religious, she just liked the name.

2. When was the last time you cried?

Literally yesterday rippp :’) having to talk to multiple diff ppl none of whom have notes on what you’ve told the other people so you have to re-live the terrible shitty awful 2 year period that was 2020 - 2022 all over again = panic attacks and lots of crying (I’m ok today just hella tired ;w;)

3. Do you have kids?

NOOOPEEE. And I never will. The bullshit from this family ends with me y’all XD

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot?

I’d have to be honest and say yea, I do. It’s prolly a defence mechanism oops. Also I just grew up like that so weh

(No. 5 is missing)

6. What’s your eye color?

Hazel! it switches between 2 of the 3 colours depending on what colour(s) I’m wearing etc. not gonna get any more specific than that bc Safety uvu

7. Scary movies or happy endings?

Happy endings! I don’t hate scary movies and I will watch em on occasion but pls I’m depressed enough already I need happy endings /hj

8. Any special talents?

Apparently I’m scary good at customer service for someone with such crippling social anxiety and fear of conflict so ig that counts? lmao

9. Where were you born?

on the coast in South Africa (again, not being any more specific for safety)

10. What are your hobbies?

Drawing, writing, playing video games (SWTOR, RDR 2/RDO, The Sims 4, Harvest Moon/Story of Seasons and ARK: Survival Evolved are the usual go-tos but I have others aswell ofc), I will never not pet a (friendly) dog/cat/animal if I see it

11. Have you any pets?

I have a corn snake named Enigma, at the moment! But my finances recently took a hit so as much as I’d love to get another pet once Enigma goes I prolly won’t be able to afford any more pets. Being disabled & unable to work and yet still expected to pay hundreds of bucks a month just so you can have food to eat bc you can’t cook on your own and someone has to do it for you kinda do be like that /s

12. What sports do you play/have played?

I used to play both Tennis and Netball as a kid! I have not played a sport in over 10 years, since my hip crapped out. I can barely walk without dislocating it now, I ain’t running or jumping NOWHERE bucko LOL

13. How tall are you?

5′4″ or thereabouts, idk the exact measurement nor do I care lol

14. Favorite subject in school?

English, Biology, Drama

15. Dream job?

idk really. I’m too disabled to do the one thing I actually trained for now (working with animals). I really wanted to get a qualification in Animal Assisted Therapy forever ago and train and use therapy animals (like cats, dogs, ferrets etc.) to help people work through trauma and stuff but I struggle so much with day to day things nowadays that it’s clear to me I won’t be able to do that (and I’ve made peace with that) I guess it’d be nice to publish a book or something one day, idk *shrugs*

#tag memes #15 questions 15 mutuals tag #about elven

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luvnami · 3 years

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"𝘁𝗵𝗮𝗻𝗸 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘆𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴"

𝗮𝘂𝘁𝗵𝗼𝗿'𝘀 𝗻𝗼𝘁𝗲 - an alternative epilogue to ‘Ocean Waves’, but can be read by itself

𝗯𝗲𝘁𝗮 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗲𝗿 - @forgetou (feel like i’m tagging you in almost everything i post nowadays)

𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴 - heavy shibuya arc spoilers, injury, physical disability, depression mention, implied nsfw at the end

𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗱 𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗻𝘁 - 1k

some things are more obvious than others.

take the eyepatch, for example — a gaping hole in his face covered by cloth. scarred skin pulled taut between the temple and jaw, hurting if nanami opens his jaw too wide. his lack of depth perception creates awkward situations when he spills water all over his desk instead of into a cup, but he apologises quietly and cleans the mess up. there is not much more he can do than that.

or perhaps the walking stick, clutched in a weak right hand as nanami walks- no, hobbles. a proper footstep echoes through the hallway before being followed by the thunk of metal and the dragging of a limp foot a syncopated second after. people stare; he doesn’t fault them. it’s strange, after all — seeing a man split in half like some kind of monster.

“kento,” you ask one day. “are you uncomfortable?”

the mall the both of you are visiting is packed with people. a child stares at nanami with wide eyes, holding the hand of his mother. nanami returns his gaze. it takes mere seconds for tears to run down the child’s cheeks and his mother pulls him away, glaring at nanami. he tightens his grip on the walking stick and sets his jaw.

he doesn’t tell you the fears he has of having his own children in the future, that they will react the same way or be bullied by others for the body of a father they had no choice in.

“i’m alright,” nanami replies.

you see things that manami prefers to keep hidden from others.

the huff he lets out when he collapses into a chair after a long day, massaging his right knee as if it was capable of feeling his exhaustion. or how he has to sit down to put on his trousers in the morning, and the metal bar installed in the en suite bathroom for support.

change was inevitable after the shibuya incident. you were terrified as you rushed to the hospital, nearly having nanami slip away from you just like that. you arrived at the intensive care unit and were ushered into the room of a man you couldn’t recognise before and after they took the bandages off of him.

nanami had suggested you take off the promise ring he had given to you and forget everything about him. but how could you, after all the years you had spent together?

there are days when you are tired from caring for him — even more so when nanami runs out of patience with himself. he attends his therapy sessions with a grim look, refusing to talk to you on the drive to and fro.

there has only been one instance when you have seen nanami cry over himself. it was a simple enough task before: baking a cake. he had wanted to make something for you on your birthday, but the way his fingers trembled and the weakness in his leg had simply turned the kitchen into a mess. when you came home and found him sitting amongst spilled flour and broken eggs in a state of despair, he buried his face in your shoulder and wept like a child. it took a while to clean everything up, but it took even longer to recover nanami’s confidence in the kitchen.

but the sun rises and the sun sets. you try to believe that everything will pass, that time will make things better.

you wash his laundry and look for creams that tout their scar healing properties. you tug him out of bed when he tells you that there is nothing more for him to do in life, setting a chopping board and vegetables before him at the kitchen counter. you hold onto his left hand as you take a walk outside, letting nature heal nanami in its own ways.

you love him with everything you have. you choose to take care of him even when days are tough and you could pick the option of walking away instead. you give him time to unwind and lick at his own wounds, knowing that there is only so much you can do to help.

“gojo said that there’s an offer for you to teach at jujutsu tech again,” you announce over dinner.

nanami’s hand pauses, and he lets his spoon slip back into the bowl of miso soup.

“off field, i’m assuming.”

“mhm. something about curses and lectures.”

“i don’t think those would contribute much to the students.”

“it’s a good opportunity, though. think about it, okay?”

nanami nods silently and returns to his soup. you finish your meal and load the dirty dishes into the dishwasher (a purchase that was made after the shibuya incident), before sending your partner off to the bathroom to wash up for the night.

you lay on your bed and squeeze your eyes shut, letting the tiredness drain out of you and onto the mattress. there is more to be done the next day. reports to be handed over to ijichi, a checkup session where you need to drive nanami to the hospital for, and laundry to be done. your head spins.

nanami returns a few minutes after his bath. hair still wet, you feel the bed dip under his weight beside you and open your eyes to find him looking at you. without his eyepatch, there is simply a concave region where his eye should be. you cup his cheek in your hand.

“hey, handsome,” you say softly.

nanami cracks a smile, the tips of his ears turning red. then he leans down and kisses you gently. your thumb grazes his jawline as you let out a quiet noise, eyes fluttering shut. a hand slips beneath your shirt. nanami bares himself to you when you litter kisses down his skin, reassuring him with whispers in his ear. he’s breathless when you cry out and tug at him when he slips himself inside of you. the night wears long.

the sun sets and the sun rises.

nanami pushes himself up in bed the next morning, staring at you tucked under the covers and with drool running down the corner of your mouth. but you’re so beautiful despite that, with a heart too kind and a love that overwhelms him. nanami’s heart swells in his chest as he wipes the drool away from you. you stir awake, blinking the sleep away from your eyes.

he whispers four words in the morning light.

#jujutsu kaisen x reader #jujutsu kaisen angst #jujutsu kaisen fluff #jujutsu kaisen oneshot #jjk x reader #jjk angst #jjk fluff #jjk oneshot #nanami kento x reader #nanami kento #nanami kento angst #nanami kento fluff #nanami kento oneshot #nanami x reader #nanami angst #nanami fluff #nanami oneshot #jjk nanami

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loving-all-for-loki · 3 years

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Can you write one where the Rogers is assigning a new recruit to each avenger for training? Loki gets the new girl and he’s irritated thinking she’s just some normal human that hasn’t a clue how to fight properly because of her petite size. When it comes time for them to spar, she gives him hell. She fights with swords and is very skilled in the art. He says something to piss her off and she ends up blasting him away with powers she never told anyone about. Loki realizes what she is since he knows the magic she used. She’s part light elf but being half human she was abandoned and left to die just like Loki was. They end up bonding and work together on the team.

A/N: I hope you like it! I didn't focus a whole ton of them working together, but I feel like you get the point. It's a bit longer than my other one shots.

The Moon And Her Darkness

Summary: Y/N, the newest avenger, starts her first day of training. An unimpressed Loki’s doubts are proved to be wrong when she reveals herself to be stronger than he knew.

Word count: 2744

Warnings: angst, dick Loki

Forever Tags: @mm2305

Your blood pumps fast through your body as you stare at the raven haired god. Ever since you joined the team, he’s been giving you dirty looks and eye rolls. You tried to not pay attention to it since you know of his past (and have been warned by Tony), but as the newest Avenger trying to prove herself, you find yourself longing for his approval.

It has been a week since Nicky Fury showed up at your home, extracting you from it, and throwing you into the lion's den you called the Avengers. You never signed up for it, but given that you were on the government’s radar for a long time, you’re not surprised. A couple mishaps here and there made them take you on their own terms. They’ve decided that having super powers is not something to be normalized and that you couldn’t live like a normal civilian.

Although you want to be home, the Avengers have already shown to be a great family. Nat and Wanda have already taken you shopping while Steve gave you a tour of the tower. As far as the others, they have been out of sight. Bucky avoids everyone, Sam with him because they’re glued to the hip, and Tony is somewhere else working on new technology with Bruce. Clint? Thor? Who even knows. You’ve been thankful for the attention they have given you.

Except for Loki.

You remember the attack in New York and you won’t lie when saying that approaching the god is intimidating. He stands with great pride and power, it’s hard not to feel small, but when he stares at you the way he does, it’s harder. He doesn’t stop looking at you as if you were a rat he found in a sandwich. Disposable. Replaceable. Disgusting. You don’t expect much from the God being that he’s only staying here out of punishment for the attacks, but you had hoped for a little something more. Even a prank or two.

When Steve told you that you were going to start training, you expected hand to hand combat like the rest, not whatever involves Loki being in the gym at the same time as the two of you. He hasn’t said a word, but just stared at you as Steve goes over some basic disabling techniques and defense. Most of it is already burned in your brain from your childhood, being a warrior and all, but you still manage to learn some new things.

But learning as to why Loki is there, that still remains unclear. Everytime you throw a punch or try to block one of Steve’s, Loki scoffs at you and rolls his eyes. He looks completely relaxed on a bench in the room, yet he could not be looking at you with a more tense gaze. He looks worried, as if you’re going to get beaten to a pulp.

“Okay, what’s wrong?” You yell at him.

Panting, you block Steve’s last hit and turn to the younger Odinson.

“Sorry?”

“Oh, don’t sorry me. Cut the crap, Loki. What’s up?”

“I believe the sky is.”

You grab a knife off the wall and aim it in his direction, startling him slightly but not even shocking Steve.

“You stare at me with daggers in your eyes and judge my every move. You have yet to even talk to me since I joined the team. What do you have against me, you ass?”

“Y/N-”

“Shut it, Steve!” You yell, quickly aiming the dagger at him before returning to Loki, “You. Talk.”

“It’s just pathetic, that’s all.”

“Pathetic? You’re calling me pathetic?”

You start to charge at Loki, but Steve quickly wraps his arm around your waist, holding you back from gutting the god.

“Y/N, I wanted you to spar with him after me,” he cuts in.

“And why would I do that?”

“Because he's a skilled fighter who matches your level.”

“Oh, so I spar with the tricker who decides I’m too pathetic to fight. He’s going to teleport or some shit and stab me like he does with Thor.” Loki’s eyebrows raise at the mention of Thor getting stabbed. “Yes, I’ve heard the stories. I’m not that naive, Steve.”

“I won’t leave you alone with him. I’ll be here to watch and guide.”

“What do you know about fighting with me? I have magic beyond belief” Loki asks the both of you.

“I know more than you think,” I spit, turning back to Steve, “Can we do something else?”

“Well, you coud-”

“I am not sparing with Loki.”

“Okay, then how about weapons? Whatever one you want to start with?”

Loki scoffs again at the mention of you fighting any other way than hand to hand combat. He’s lucky you’re on the same team as him or else you would have decapitated him by now just because of annoyance. How can a man so attractive be so obnoxious?

You walk over to the wall of weapons were Steve and quietly discuss which ones you’ll practice with. He recommends knives so you can spar with Natasha when he’s gone, but the swords are more up your alley. They remind you of your childhood, the weapon of your people. Some days, you miss them, but you know they are fighting their own battle that is too dangerous for you.

Picking up the swords, Steve warns you he is not good which makes Loki laugh again. He has the right to this time because how do you practice with a man who doesn’t know what he’s doing. You can’t last ten minutes with Cap before you’re tired of his flailing. He’s really not good.

“Loki, you wouldn’t happen to know how to use swords would you?”

“I have some experience. Asgard knights and Valkyrie used them, we were forced to learn.”

He stands and takes Steve’s sword from him. Turning to you, he smirks, taking you in. Your frame looks so small compared to his, nothing but a mortal. He’s never admit it, but he finds you slightly adorable, in a helpless baby sort of way. You take proper stance and stare at Loki dead in the eye, determined to prove him wrong.

The two of you run at each other, swinging at any unblocked area you can, yet never hitting. He blocks your swing, pushing you back but not down. Looking up at him, you scream and run, thrusting your sword towards his neck and legs. He blocks you again, but not without stumbling. Before he’s able to get up, you land a blow right to his chest, knocking the air out of him. He hooks his foot around your leg and flips the two of you over so he hovers above you, sword to throat.

“I’ll admit it, you are good, but not great,” he laughs.

He stands up and walks off, setting the swords back on their holder on the wall. You gradually stand up, fury in your bones for the way he speaks to you.

“You… are irritable!” You yell.

Right before Loki gets to the door, he turns to face you. Steve rushes to your side.

“Y/N, stop. He’s not worth it.”

“Oh, he’s not worth it, alright,” you mutter to Steve, “He’s not worth the pride. The praise. Whatever the ‘glorious purpose’ he thinks he has. He’s just an insecure little boy who needs to prove himself over others, make them feel small so he feels superior. Just a bully.”

“I’d watch your tongue,” Loki warns.

“Or else what? You’ll challenge me to a words competition? See who has the best insults or can sound like the biggest douche because I think we all know who would win! Another check mark for your book of things you’re better at than ‘midgardians’ or ‘mortals’ or whatever degrading nickname you think of next.”

Loki’s chest heaves in anger. You’ve never seen someone so angry or heard anyone yelling at you with concern like Steve. Nothing he says registers in your head as Loki’s daring looks fill your mind. You’d almost be scared if you didn’t know he’s full of empty threats. Just a scared little god boy.

“You imbecile, think you can scare me?”

“Actually, I think anything can.”

“I can take words from someone who does not know me, but to be called a coward is not something I take lightly.”

“So what are you going to do about it? Huh?”

“Nothing, I don’t waste my time on people like you.”

“Oh, people like me? Because the great Frost Giant Asgardian is sooo superior.”

“Don’t you ever say that.”

Loki rushes to your side, grabbing you by the throat and lifting you up against the wall.

“Loki, stop it!” Steve yells.

“This is not about you, Rodgers. I suggest you leave before getting in the crossfire.”

“I can’t do that. The safety of this team-”

“Is your priority. I know you are honorable, but I highly suggest you leave.”

Steve hesitates at the sound of you gasping for air. You cling onto Loki’s hand, tightly wound around your throat. His veins pop out of his hand like a dehydrated man. Steve looks back at you, eyes now closed to focus on your breathing.

“Put her down first,” Steve orders.

“Fine, always have to be the hero.”

Loki sets you down and your body goes numb. Everything hurts, your throat swelling. You gasp for all the air you can, feeling it go down your throat and enter your lungs. It’s fresh, comforting, healing. Leaning your head back against the wall, you barely open your eyes to see Steve by your side.

“Are you okay?”

Not energized enough to speak yet, you nod your head and place your hand on his shoulder. Steve looks over at you with worry before turning back to Loki.

“Leave, now.”

“Gladly.”

Loki turns to walk away, but doesn’t. He stands there to listen to you and Steve. At this point, neither of you care. You’re too focused on not dying.

“Can you breathe?” Steve asks.

You nod your head.

“I can get you help. We have a hospital room.”

“No,” you choke, “I’m fine. I just need a moment.”

Steve nods, but doesn’t listen. He gets up and leaves the room, rushing down the hallways to get a nurse, leaving you alone with Loki.

“Why haven’t you left?”

“No reason.”

“Please, just go. I’m tired of fighting. You’ve done enough.”

Loki turns to look at you. You look weak, but actually weak this time. The purple tint to your skin is fading as your lungs self regenerate as you keep breathing. Gripping onto the wall behind you, you stand up. Your knees are weak, making you wobble as you do. You’re not lying. You’re tired of Loki. You’ve barely spoken to the man and he’s made two attempts on your life in ten minutes. Sure, you teased him, but doesn’t he deserve it for being an ass.

“Weak.” He mutters.

That was the last straw. You look up at him. He stares at you as if the devil himself has entered you and your eyes glow bright red, but you know what is wrong. Holding out your hand towards Loki. A glow erupts from behind you, bright yet dark. It’s dark blue like the night sky and Loki watches it in awe. In seconds, Loki’s body is flung through the training room doors, blasting him into the wall of the hallways. He feels his rib breaking, his head hitting the wall. He yells out in pain as you slowly approach him, the anger seeping through.

“Never call me weak.”

Loki flips his head up to look at you, shock running through his body. At the sound of his body collapsing, the other Avengers come running forward. They look upon the sight of you towering over the trickster god with a look they’ve never seen before. Ethereal. Godly. You look as if you’re a queen staring at her peasant handmaid. Anger. Controlling. Power.

“What the-” Bucky mutters.

“You,” Loki gasps.

He struggles to stand as the team tries to help but he refuses. You two locked eyes but nothing was said. “You’re an elf.”

Everyone looks back at you with confused faces, but you don’t say anything. Your body goes hot at the mention of the word ‘elf’. The fire inside you fades out as anxiety places it, waiting for Loki to continue.

“I knew if someone was here to figure it out it’d be you,” you whisper.

“Light elf yes?”

“Yes, moon elf to be exact.”

“How are you here? Aren’t the-”

“Yes, they’re away. I was left to die. Our town got ransacked, everyone fled. No one stopped for me.”

“Then how are you here?”

“The Air elves. They got word of what happened and came. Found me. Took me back, but-”

“You weren’t suited. They found out.”

“Yes.”

There’s a moment of silence between you and the god. His eyes shine with sadness, tears coming to the corners. He looks at you with great pity as the wall inside you breaks.

“Can someone explain what’s happening?” Steve asks.

“Can you tell?” You ask Loki.

He nods, “Yes. Y/N is a moon elf, a tribe of light elves. They’re as high up as Asgard in the nine realms, powerful warriors. They’ve been at the center of every creature out there. People have been after them for their weapons, gems, and wealth. A landmark for every thief and warrior in the universe.”

“My town was destroyed when I was a little girl. Nobody wanted me because I was a child. I was a burden to them.”

“She was left for dead to be found by the Air Elves. Another tribe. Not as powerful. But they didn’t want her and there’s only one reason why they wouldn’t want a moon elf. She’s a half-breed.”

“Moon elves are the only ones who tolerate them. Half human, half elf. Considering many of them come from moon elves, they’re not despised, but Air Elves.”

“They dropped you off on Midgard to be picked up by someone else. I assume you hid your powers?” “I had to. I acted out once when I was little and my parents freaked out. They sent me away. I lived in a orphanage before some group took me, trained me, helped me hone in my powers. They saved me.”

“Until you got to old and left.”

“Didn’t know where to go. I became a waitress at some back alley bar, lived above it in an apartment with my manager. Lived paycheck to paycheck.”

“Then?”

“Nicky Fury came to me. I was on SHIELD’s radar and they wanted me on the Avengers.”

The room goes silent. Throughout your talking you missed the way Loki got considerably closer to you. You practically stand right under his nose. Loki raises his hands and places them on your shoulders, getting your attention. You two look each other in the eye for a long moment.

“I am… so sorry.”

You feel the tears forming in your eyes as Loki pulls you into his chest, holding you by your waist. The team watches in awe as the closed off god embraces you. Slowly, everyone leaves you two in the hallway. An hour goes by as you cry in Loki’s eyes.

Eventually, Loki picks you up bridal style and brings you to your bedroom. He helps you get dressed for the night and settled in bed before you grab his hand, making him turn back to face you. His eyes are no longer riddled with anger or hatred, but kindness and pity. He looks at you like you’re a little lamb to be protected.

“Yes, darling?”

“Stay with me?”

He nods before undressing and getting in bed with you. He pulls you close, your head leaning on his chest, and places an arm around your waist.

Every night goes on like this. No matter what happened in the day, even if you two got into an argument, Loki always found his way back by your side in your bed. You would have never expect it from how he treated you at first, but after the last few months since you met him, you find yourself growing closer to the god.

Loki slips into your bed for what feels like the 1482nd time. Resting your head on his chest, Loki pulls you close to his body.

“Goodnight, darling.”

#loki #loki fanfic #loki x reader fluff #loki x reader #loki fluff #loki x reader one shot #loki one shot #loki laufeyson #loki layfeyson x reader #loki laufeyson fluff #loki laufeyson x reader #lovingallforloki #themoonandherdarkness

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buckyismybicycle · 3 years

Text

teach me how to love [Chapter 16]

Title: teach me how to love - AO3 Pairing: Bucky x Reader (teacher) Rating: Explicit (for Chapter 9 & 12) Tags/Warnings: godfather!Bucky, canon-typical violence/death of character, fluff, angst, learning disability, almost a spy AU, PTSD, nightmares, mentions of anxiety, oral/penetrative sex, body modification, pain and angst, hurt/comfort

PREVIOUS CHAPTER | [series masterlist] | [overall masterlist] Author’s Note: I'M BACK. You probably don't want me to be. And I didn't like my old header so here we are trying this one lol. Okay, now where was I? Oh, breaking hearts, right...

“Not a problem, the substitute is available for the rest of the week, if you need it.”

“Oh, um -” You were about to decline, but with how you were feeling? “Yeah, that’d actually be really great. Thank you, Maria.”

“Hope you get well soon. We’ll see you next Monday unless you need more time off.”

“Thank you, I think I’ll be okay by Monday.”

You’d gone from never taking a day off to taking three days, and even then, you weren’t sure if it’d be enough because it felt like the feeling would never go away.

Yes it hurt, but more than anything you were left less than whole. And while Bucky was a large part of your life these days, it was more than just the missing hole he left. The words he said made no sense to you - how broken up he sounded about it just didn’t match the words.

He hadn’t told you why, talking circles around breaking up with you. He hadn’t wanted to see you and that stung, it really did. But it didn’t make any sense. You knew that Bucky was a good man, this just wasn’t him.

Or maybe, you’d been too blindly in love with him that you couldn’t attribute a single flaw to him. You saw Riley send you a text but couldn’t bring yourself to open it.

The last thing you wanted was for him to fret about you. Or worse, for him to ask you to repeat Bucky’s words.

You were everything I could’ve ever dreamed of and I - I care about you, a lot.

You deserve better than this, you know that, right?

Why had he said that? It would’ve been easier to stop thinking about him if he had cut you deeply with his words, but instead, he all but pleaded for you to not think it was on you. Why would he do that? Keep you hooked with his sweet words, even when he was destroying everything that you’d built together?

The exhaustion makes your head foggy and heavy enough that you go back to bed, even though you’d only just gotten up. You were trapped between being too tired to do anything but too wound up to sleep. Hours passed by as your eyes closed and shut, as you tossed and turned. You read a book until your head hurt, then scrolled through at least a hundred videos on social media.

The next time you checked the time, it was only the early afternoon even though it felt the day should be over. And that’s when you started to cry again.

---

“You did what?” Clint looked at his friend, bewildered. He’s no stranger to mood swings, to destructive behaviour, least of all Bucky’s. He’d seen the aftermath of Nat’s death and how Bucky had barely managed to keep it together, and he only did so for Yelena. Bucky’s had some close calls.

“Don’t,” Bucky growls from under the covers. He hasn’t been out of bed all day, missing lunch and now approaching dinner.

“I have to say, I’m… I mean, I know why you think you had to, but don’t you think she would be right here by your side? She wouldn’t have given up on you, man.”

“I know. That’s why, Clint.” Bucky’s voice was small and choked. “She’d drop everything to help me - or anyone. She cares too much. I don’t… I don’t want that from her. I don’t want to look at her and see pity in her eyes. What if we went serious? I’d sit around doing fuck all, while she goes to work? And then have to watch her come home, exhausted, and still do everything around the house that I couldn’t do? I already don’t know how I’m going to manage Yelena, and she’ll pick up my slack? It’s too much, Clint. I just - I can’t.”

“It’s - it’s not slack, my guy. Come on, we all take on each other’s load when the going gets tough. Laura and I -”

“Have been married for a decade,” Bucky reminds him. “Clint, she’s got her best years ahead of her. I tried to convince myself that maybe I wasn’t such a wash-up, maybe I could make it work after all but this? I don’t want her to have to fix me… again.”

He says the last part so softly Clint can barely hear him, but it’s been a long time since he’s seen Bucky in this state.

“It’s a lot to take in, I get that. Maybe it’s a bit too much to think about right now, but just remember that we’re all here. We all are. I think you should think about if this is what you want or if you’re trying to do that martyr shit and save her from your drama.”

“Clint, when I’m around her, it’s -”

“It’s…?”

“I don’t feel like I’m worthy.”

“Jesus, Buck, don’t go down that path. You know your brain’s messing with you. Don’t let those thoughts win.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Bucky sighs tiredly. He knows he’s a fuck-up and his brain is always working against him, he just doesn’t know how to stop.

“You’re… crying,” Clint states, almost in wonder. Bucky hadn’t realized his tears had escaped but he lets Clint shuffle in the bed again, and they sit, shoulder to shoulder while Bucky falls apart and Clint listens.

They hear Laura call for dinner, and the pitter patter of small footsteps rushing to the kitchen, but they stay until it sounds like dinner is done and Laura’s filling the sink up with water to soak the dishes. Clint goes to grab something for the both of them, and Bucky can hear low murmuring as the door remains open. He should get home soon, and out of their hair.

“You can stay as long as you like,” Clint says. And yeah, Bucky knows, but he can’t stand being a burden on people.

“I’ll be good to go tomorrow, I promise. And, uh, Tony sent me this.” He shows Clint the text messages.

“That sounds promising.”

“I don’t know if I can do this again,” Bucky closes his eyes. His body is in all sorts of pain and he can’t stop thinking about how much he’d been through when the KGB had done this. The recalibration, the testing, the check ups and maintenance, the phantom pains. He tells Clint all of this, who looks on with a scowl.

“Think on it, and when your heart is set on an answer, that’ll be it. If you don’t want to, it’s not going to be the end of the world. There are plenty of people that are missing an arm, or like, 80% of their hearing…” That manages to pull a tired smile out of Bucky with that one. Bucky’s always admired the way Clint was open and honest about his hearing disability and Bucky wishes he could be as strong as Clint was.

“Yeah, I’ll think about it.”

---

Clint does drop Bucky off at home, frets about everything being accessible and mother hens him for a solid fifteen minutes before Bucky boots him out so he can get Yelena to school on time. She’s reluctant to leave but Bucky promises her he’s going to be there when she gets home, so she only sniffles before taking Clint’s hand.

Sam agrees to drop Yelena off since he’s picking the boys up from school, and Bucky sinks into bed, his side and shoulder still throbbing dully. Tony had seen him off with a bag of prescription painkillers from Dr. Reyes, so he takes one in hopes that it’ll ease the pain.

He sends Tony a thank you message, and a promise to think about his proposition. Tony insists on sending a prototype draft to him.

He tortures himself by playing the last voicemail on his phone.

“Hey! Bucky, hi. Um, I just wanted to call to check in, I know I already messaged but ummm, I guess I just wanted to hear your voice! Anyway, I hope everything’s alright, but you know you can ask me for anything, if you need! Just, um, let me know? Okay, bye!”

He misses your voice, and the way you’d cared for him. He knows he doesn’t deserve it, and he wants you to be happy. You’ll find someone who can give you everything you deserve, because who could resist? He’d been the luckiest guy on the planet for these past months, he would always cherish that time, but he can’t keep you grounded when you were meant to fly.

He plays the message again.

And again.

When he wakes, hours later, he maneuvers around his kitchen and realizes that the can opener is going to be an obstacle. He opts for making toast and then takes twice as long as he normally would to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Things he’d forgotten had resurfaced - there was a period after the initial installation of his arm where it’d been too sore to move. It was only a few days, but he remembers having to hold a lot of containers and jars between his thighs to unscrew them.

Honestly, he’d never been so mad at a jar of jelly before.

The next matter at hand is cleaning the house. It’s been empty for almost four days, he’s sure that it could use the cleaning but even thinking about the daunting task makes him feel overwhelmed. He sighs into the next bite of his sandwich.

---

He hears a car pull up and takes a peek out from behind the curtain. Sure enough, Sam was pulling up with the kids loaded up in the backseat. He parks and opens the door for Yelena, and Bucky goes to meet him so he can still keep AJ and Cass in his line of sight.

“Papa!” Yelena reaches up with her hands. He can’t lift her like he used to, which annoys him. Instead, he crouches down and lets her wrap her around his neck before scooping her up in one arm.

“Thanks, I owe you one,” Bucky says to Sam, who’s smiling at him.

“It’s not a problem man, you’re not even out of the way. I’m more than happy to swing by tomorrow and do the same thing. You wanna ride to school with Cass and AJ, huh? That way your papa can rest.”

The question is directed to Yelena who nods shyly. Sam cocks an eyebrow at Bucky who can see he’s outnumbered.

“You don’t have to -”

“I want to,” Sam insists. “The boys like chatting on their way to school, it’ll be nice for them to ask someone else questions when I’m trying to watch the road.”

“That’s -'' Bucky takes an inhale. “That’d be a big help. For the rest of the week, at least. ‘Til I figure things out.”

“As long as you need,” Sam shrugs easily.

“Thank you, Sam. I really appreciate it.”

“Any time. Don’t hesitate to let me know if you need anything, yeah?” Bucky nods, grateful that Sam doesn’t pry any further. Sam also doesn’t look at his shoulder, or the obvious space where his arm is no more. He just smiles and gets back to his car, where the boys are waving from the backseat. Bucky waves back and watches them drive off.

“How was school, pumpkin?”

“The new teacher didn’t let us paint today! He thinks paints are messy so we coloured instead but I liked painting.”

“New teacher?” Bucky’s heart instantly races thinking of all the implications. “Ms. [y/n] wasn't there today?”

Yelena shakes her head and says “I miss her.”

Yeah, so do I.

He gets an uncomfortable feeling that won’t leave, thinking how your absence must be because of him. It gnaws at him all the way up until dinner, and he can’t focus on a damn thing so he orders in, fixated on the fact that maybe he had hurt you more than he ever thought possible. He just didn’t didn’t understand how. Why would you be so hung up on someone like him?

—-

Your phone goes off, waking you up abruptly. You feel groggy, head aching and not entirely knowing what time it was. The logical part of you knows that you probably haven’t enough water or food, but the thought of even getting up makes you groan.

“Hey.”

“Hey. Are you just waking up?” Riley sounds awake, unlike you.

“Um, yeah? What time is it?”

“Like, ten pm? Christ, what happened? I was getting worried.”

It starts with one thing and then the next, and the words tumble out of your mouth in bursts and gasps.

“Oh, sweetcheeks, I’ll be right there.”

When you hang up the phone, you see there’s an unread message. Foolishly, you get your hopes up, but it’s not Bucky. It’s Clint.

Please don’t give up on him. He’s in a bad place and thinks he’s doing what’s best. He’s not always the brightest... 219 Woodward Drive.

You stare at the text message, the information that it holds. A few days ago, you had been desperate to get this address and now, it was staring back at you.

Clint was Bucky’s best friend, of course he would advocate on Bucky’s behalf. But what did he think would happen, or hoped would happen?

When Riley arrives, he hugs you tight and doesn’t say anything. For someone who loves to talk, he always knows when you need him to just be there. He lets you pretend that everything is fine, watches silently as you make a bag of popcorn and hand him the remote. You can’t handle making even the simplest decisions.

“Clint texted me Bucky’s address,” you say at last, after a few episodes of Wheel of Fortune.

“Oh?”

“I don’t know what to do. He doesn’t want to see me, he made that pretty clear. If I told someone not to come and they just showed up at my door, I don’t think I’d like that.”

“But what if it was someone you pushed away, thinking it was for the best? And they showed up at your doorstep?”

“I don’t know, Riles,” you rub at your forehead, headache coming back.

“What do you want to do, if there were no consequences whatsoever?” Honestly?

“I’d want to see him,” you confess. “Even if it was to say goodbye, I just - you know? One last time. At least.”

“Okay, well then that’s what we gotta do. For you and not for anyone else or any reason. You sound like you need closure. If this’ll help, then I’m with you, okay?”

“Thank you,” you sob quietly, thankful for his strength during your time of weakness.

—-

You’re not at school the next day either. Yelena starts to wonder if you’re sick, and says she wants to make a get well card for you.

It takes everything for Bucky to keep his thoughts to himself, about how even a Yelena original might not be able to fix what he’d done.

He knows he shouldn’t, but he picks up his home and opens his messages with you.

“I know you likely never want to hear from me again but I just have to make sure you know that this is entirely my fault, and I wish I were a better man. None of this should fall on you. I’m sorry for everything I put you through, and for hurting you like this. I’m sorry.”

He doesn’t get a response, doesn’t expect one, but he just hopes that you read it and, if nothing else, believe these words.

---

Riley ends up staying the weekend, reminiscent of when you were teenagers, and had a ton of junk food. In the morning, you did feel marginally better. You cave and tell Maria you still need some time off and she’s more than happy to give it to you. Riley had made pancakes and you allowed yourself buckets of syrup to treat yourself.

“So, what do you wanna do today?” He asks casually. “There is only so much Great British Bake-off I can watch.”

“You can put on anything you want,” you shrug, still feeling awful.

“Alright, this is too depressing,” Riley declares. “Let’s get out for a bit. You need some fresh air.”

“Riley -”

“Just a few minutes. Promise.”

Yes, Riley was just taking care of you and even though you didn’t want to, it was probably for the best.

“Quick shower first,” you bargain, hoping it’s enough to wake you up and give you at least a little bit of energy. You get ready, simply, while thinking over Clint’s message.

Please don’t give up on him.

You could never, not really. But, what could you do for someone that didn’t want anything to do with you?

He’s in a bad place and thinks he’s doing what’s best.

The line worried you to death. You knew what it was like to be at a certain low point. Though you were pretty confident that Bucky would think of Yelena first and foremost, being trapped in your own mind could be downright scary.

“Hey, you okay?” You nearly jumped when Riley rapped his knuckles on your open door.

“Yes,” you say in reflex.

“You’re thinking about seeing him,” Riley concludes.

“Do you think I’m being stupid?” You ask him in a small voice, laced with doubt.

“Why would I think that?” Riley’s voice is gentle as he walks to you and sits on your bed. “You’re not being stupid.”

“I just wish I could talk to him, like, maybe if I could just convince him that he’s not going to scare me off that easily? What could it be Riles? What could be so awful that I shouldn’t see it? I - I loved all of him, there’s noth - nothing he could -”

You stop as you feel yourself getting choked up.

“Hey, it’s not your fault. If he doesn’t know that, then maybe he’s got his own demons, yeah? We've all got them. You know how you can turn yourself into your greatest obstacle. So, don’t think this has anything to do with you, alright?” You nod dutifully and he lets you dry your hair so you can finish getting ready.

---

Bucky knows that it’s not his business, that you don’t owe him a damn thing. But the message sits delivered, and he wonders if you turned off your read receipts as well, maybe. Which is fine. You can block him. You should block him, even. He deserves that.

But he can’t stop worrying. It’s morning now, and not a peep from you, and it festers in his skin that’s hurt you beyond what ever imagined. When Sam comes to pick up Yelena, Bucky surprises even himself by asking if he can come along.

Either Sam suspects what this is about or Bucky’s body language gives something away because he doesn’t say a word, just lets Bucky climb into the front seat even if it still hurts to do so.

As he feared, the teacher in your classroom wasn’t you. He forces a smile when Yelena has to go in, gives her a longer hug than usual, and leaves with Sam.

“You’re worried about her,” Sam guesses.

“I don’t have any right to be,” he admits. “I just - I don’t know. I just wanted to make sure she’s okay.”

“You gonna call her?” Sam asks, and Bucky thinks on it for too long, long enough that the question hangs in the air and suffocates him. He’s glad that Sam doesn’t push. They drive for maybe a minute before Sam turns to Bucky.

“Well, what’s her address?”

“I can’t, she’s not gonna want to see me,” Bucky protests immediately.

“I wouldn’t bet on that,” Sam says gently. “She really cares about you, and you really care about her. If there’s anything I can say with confidence, it’s that it’ll take a lot more than this to keep people who care that much about each other apart. It’s not too late to fix things.”

“I don’t want her to take me back, Sam,” he sighs in frustration. “I just want her to know that she deserves better.”

“Can I say something as a friend here?” Sam ventures.

“Haven’t you been already?”

“Hey, I was being the Nice Friend, this is some tough love, now,” Sam warns. Bucky waits for the hammer to come down. “I think that you need to step back from yourself for a sec. You obviously care about her and you want the best for her, right?”

Bucky grumbles.

“But the thing is, you can’t decide for her. She’ll know what’s best for her, and I’m assuming this wasn’t her decision.”

The guilt twists uncomfortably in his heart, almost overpowering the feelings of shame and fear. Almost.

“Who would choose this,” Bucky exhales, closing his eyes.

“Clint’s here, isn’t he? I’m here, ain’t I? We choose to be by your side, Bucky. She might too, if you’d just give her the choice. The chance to make that decision for herself.”

“Sam,” Bucky’s breath is shuddering. “I think - I think I made a mistake.”

“Mmmhmmmm,” Sam agrees in a manner that clearly says I Told You.

“Can you, um, take a left up here?”

Sam smiles at his friend and makes the turn.

---

“Go get ‘er, tiger,” Sam sends him off after promising to wait downstairs in case Bucky gets thrown out on his ass, which he’s entirely expecting.

He feels nauseous to his gut as he walks up to the stairs to the building door. All it takes is five steps. Sam is parked in the spot where his Camaro usually sits, and stands outside like the comforting presence that he is. The thought of seeing you makes his face contort and he turns back to Sam, ready to flee but his heart says stay. He really thinks he should go.

The elevator ride haunts him, memories of you pressing into him, the way you clung to him. A soft ding reminds him that he’s really doing this, and he tries to steel himself while dragging his feet to your unit.

Just knock, dammit.

Were you even home?

This was a terrible mistake, and -

“Hi?”

It’s not you, it’s -

It’s everything that he had feared, everything he had prayed wouldn’t be the case deep down inside. But he can’t be bitter about it, he’d said the words himself when he broke things off.

You deserve better than this, you know that, right?

This was - this was good. This was what he had wanted for you. He was good-looking, young, hell, he had two arms.

“Sorry, must’ve gotten the wrong unit,” he blurts out before turning away. He can’t bear the thought of even being on this floor anymore so he doesn’t wait for the elevator, and bolts for the stairs instead.

“Wait!”

He doesn’t turn around, even when your… your -

Even when the man in your apartment calls out. Bucky’s heart pounds, the jitters and heartbreak spiking through his system. Well, if he was lucky, then that guy would have no idea who he was, and he could pretend that this never happened.

His face must’ve showed something because Sam immediately straightens and pushes himself off the car. Bucky sits himself down and Sam is starting the engine in no time.

“It’s okay, Buck, you had to try,” Sam soothes, and then dutifully drives them back to Bucky’s house.

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