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laxmiree · 2 years

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MLQC Season 2 Chapter 20 - Lucien’s part Translation (Part 1)

⚠️ SPOILER ALERT ⚠️

This post contains a VERY HEAVY SPOILER for the chapter that has not been released in EN yet! Feel free to notify me if there are any mistakes in the translation~

IMPORTANT!!! to fully understand the story, prior knowledge of previous S2 chapters are needed. Before, I made a short summary that explain those chapters. I hope this can help :D

ALSO, this chapter is tied with Sampling Error R&S so you might want to check that out before/after reading this chapter. That R&S might explain what Lucien did here.

Translation under the cut~

[Chapter 20-6]

MC went to rooftop of Wish Club and find a name card with the words “Wish Hotel” MC called Zehn, her subordinate, to ask him about it. After hanging up the call, someone attacks her and drugged her to sleep. When she wakes up, she discovers that she’s in NW Laboratory.

MC was inside a huge glass room. She’s bound to a chair, and her limbs completely weak. Realizing that NW must brought her here to conduct yet another experiments on her, she panicked and felt helpless.

She heard a conversation between two people outside the glass room. An NW officer reported to NW Commander (T/N: Xiao Yue) about her previous CORE-responsive drug injection experiments, which shows an abnormal result. Simply put, the CORE gene is neither present nor excluded from her body. The NW officer ask Xiao Yue to give the reports to the ‘new experiment leader’.

MC accidentally saw Xiao Yue’s memory with her Evol. From Xiao Yue’s memory it seemed that NW had never given up their persistence on experimenting to her to prove that she is related to CORE. Then, she saw him. The new experiment leader.

I briefly closed my eyes, trying to clear my mind, when the chatter on that side of the glass abruptly stopped and was replaced by a sequence of respectful greetings.

I opened my eyes curiously and saw a line of white backs, all in unison, facing in some direction behind them.

It seems that someone has arrived.

For some reason the air became quiet, causing the voices that were originally wrapped in murmurs to become clear.

Researcher: Suspected CORE carriers have been sent from Prison Island, and we are expected to give a definite answer as soon as possible.

There was no reply.

An indescribable coldness suddenly permeated the air, and a moment later, a man's voice was heard through a loudspeaker.

??: I don’t need someone to tell me how to do the experiment.

MC: ?!

Even though the microphone did not fully register the other person's voice, even if he sounded a bit distant, the familiar tone of voice made me completely frozen in place.

Lucien… is that you?

Researcher: I’m sorry, but the suspected carrier was a test subject for a previous CORE gene identification bullet. The commander is very concerned and has come to see…

??: So? I’ll say it one last time.

??: I have my own way of handling things.

Every word came to my ears right away, I bit my lips and felt as if my heart was being torn up.

My eyes widened, desperate for confirmation and inexplicably dreading the answer.

It wasn't until the researchers in protective suits automatically split into two lines that the tall figure slowly stepped out of the shadows and came to the glass.

His dark suit was neatly tailored, and his gold tie clip glowed coldly under the light.

He rested his hands on the cold metal railing and leaned over calmly, revealing a cold and indifferent frown.

MC: …Lucien.

[Chapter 20-8]

The moment our eyes met; I subconsciously held my breath.

I didn't even have time to think about why Lucien was here, why the NW researcher was reporting to him, and why in their conversation, CORE was mentioned repeatedly.

I just looked into his eyes without holding back, wanting to see some answer I hoped for.

Lucien's deep eyes seemed to flash with surprise as they looked at me, swirling with a dark tide of complexity.

At this moment, I was looking forward to the chance that it’s all an accident.

Maybe it was a misunderstanding, maybe that ridiculous speculation that kept screaming in my brain was just my unfounded suspicion.

But in the next second, Lucien lightly retracted his gaze.

MC: …

I opened my mouth but found that my throat was too dry to speak.

The temperature in the air seems to have plummeted to freezing point at this moment, and I was suddenly a little afraid to hear what he said next, but still looked at him stubbornly.

Lucien: Report the results of the current experiments on suspected carriers.

Researcher: Two experiments have now been conducted, the CORE gene recognition bullet test and the CORE response drug experiment. In the time loop experiment, the results showed the following: the simultaneous presence and exclusion of conflicting conclusions, so the reflective drug experiment was conducted.

Researcher: The data information and clinical response of the reaction drug experiment showed a more informative tendency.

A CORE gene recognition-bullet test? A time loop experiment?

Familiar and unfamiliar words kept striking my cognition, and I tried to connect these key words to the strange things that happened to me. But the chaotic thoughts make analysis difficult at the moment.

I still can't help but look at that person, even though he is currently silent and seems to be thinking about something.

Soon, he raises his eye lashes as he speaks calmly and composedly.

Lucien: There are more than one test subject for the CORE genetic identification bullet. Each tester also experienced the experiment in a different way.

Lucien: It is biased to record only the findings from the time loop experiment. Go pull up the data reports of the other test subject and analyze them comparatively.

MC: ...?

From their conversation, it turns out that the time loop MC experienced not long ago was an experiment NW conducted to test for CORE. And it seems that Lucien was aware of this since a long time ago. In disbelief, she still wanted a confirmation from Lucien himself.

When Lucien was still talking with other researcher, MC keep calling Lucien’s name to ask for an explanation, but he ignored it. Which made MC grew increasingly agitated. When she was on the verge of anger, Lucien turned off her microphone.

MC: …

Lucien reached out and lightly dusted the microphone twice, and opened his mouth in a voice that sounded unusually cold.

Lucien: Sorry, my colleague and I need to do a quick data sync first. I will give you time later to confirm your current physical condition. Please be patient for now, and thank you for your cooperation.

I watched as he averted his gaze after those three sentences, creating a moment of puzzlement. It was as if I heard the sound of something breaking.

All those lingering doubts and speculations seemed to be irrelevant.

He had already given the answer.

I suddenly thought of that afternoon long ago, on that spring time, at the TV tower. Maybe our relationship had never changed. He could still easily push me far away, and I would always have taken off my guard against him in the first place.

Even though I knew better than anyone else that because he was Lucien, he was going to be in front and guiding everyone in the right and efficient direction at all times.

Even though I understood his position, understood what he was hiding, and never flinched from every step closer to him, even though it was dangerous for me.

But it still hurts me.

He preferred a more tortuous path to prove his ideas, rather than telling me everything honestly.

The bitter feeling diffused in my heart, I lowered my head and laughed to myself.

MC: Obviously you promised me that you can keep quiet and not tell me anything, but don't lie to me… Lucien, you can't even do this simple thing.

I murmured in a small voice; I felt a little ache in my eyes.

(T/N: …silly, he never broke this promise to you...)

Lucien: Miss MC.

The loudspeaker made an untimely harsh stabbing sound, followed by Lucien's voice.

Lucien: I need to confirm your condition now.

I didn't look up, not to avoid his gaze, but I capriciously didn't want to look at him.

Lucien: How are you feeling right now?

The icy tone was devoid of any emotion, I took a deep breath and decided to give myself three more seconds to adjust my emotions.

Lucien: How are you feeling right now?

As if impatient, he pressed on.

3, 2, 1.

I raised my head, and my heart still stung when I met that icy gaze.

But I tried to look at him flatly and spoke calmly, trying not to let my voice tremble.

MC: As far as I know, NW is a scientific research organization that focuses on Evol. I am also fortunate to know a research scholar with a degree of academic attainment.

MC: He once told me that the pursuit of truth is a very long road, and he would respect each individual's own choice. I don't think it's legal to coerce me to sit here and "cooperate" with your experiments. So, I need a reasonable explanation and an apology.

I paused.

MC: Professor Lucien. If you are the person in charge of this study, then I won't answer any of your questions until you give the answers I want.

[Chapter 20-9]

Dead silence enveloped the lab, and the loudspeakers stopped making any sound.

I tried to see the crack in Lucien's expression, but he only raised his eyebrows slightly and spoke again as a command to the researcher.

Lucien: The carrier is logical, conscious, and has no verbal impairment. Blood pressure and heart rate are slightly high and within control. Preliminary determination, good status

He glanced and nodded at me.

Lucien: Miss MC, thank you for your cooperation.

MC: Wait. Since you have to confirm the physical signs of the subject at all times, it's necessary to maintain the communication, right?

I spoke up to stop Lucien before he was ready to turn off the microphone again.

Lucien: You're right. Then, I also hope that the subjects can stop interfering with our work

He spoke indifferently, as if the relationship between us was really just that between the experimenter and the experimental subject.

MC: May I ask why Professor Lucien is avoiding my question? Is it because you don't know how to reply, or is it because of your position that you can't reply?

I know I shouldn't expect anything more, but the words have come out of my mouth at the moment when my senses returned.

Lucien's eyes became dark and a little distant.

Lucien: I’ve disappointed you. I am indeed the person responsible for this research. The reason why I avoided your question… is because I didn’t see the need to reply you.

He curled the corners of his mouth, which made him look sarcastic.

Lucien: Miss MC doesn't seem to understand the situation. Now NW is "demanding", not “inviting” you to complete the experiment.

Lucien: Is that clear enough to you?

(T/N: ngl I kind of want to slap him in this moment HAHA, this guy is too good at playing villain.)

He confessed everything frankly, unapologetically and directly, as if he didn't care how I felt about learning the truth.

I didn't answer him, nor he was waiting for my answer. He quickly turned to his so-called "work".

Lucien: The first bullet test came to contradictory conclusions, suggesting that there is something wrong with her body, whether she carries CORE or not.

Lucien: Maybe it's some other substance or something else, we're still waiting to find out.

Lucien: There are hundreds of possible explanations for this question, and "CORE carrier" is only one of them.

Lucien: It would be reckless to ignore this question and conduct a CORE drug response experiment predicated on only one out of hundreds of hypotheses.

Researcher: We understand, but the research priority level of CORE is very high and the challenge factor is also very high. At present, we lack many experimental parameters, and the objective environment of the experiment does have some problems.

Researcher: But now there is no time to pursue all kinds of questions, we can only be-

Lucien: The existence of CORE is unique and the importance of it should be clear to everyone. I don't want to always waste time on principles.

The sharp words interrupted the researcher's explanation

Lucien: If I'm right, you didn't even manage to pass the first stage of the CORE drug trial. I already mentioned it in the time loop experiment – the problem is attempting random destructive experiments without regard to the experimental subject.

Lucien: If she does carry CORE in her system, are you sure that this drug, which did not pass the safety test, won’t catalyze a negative reaction to CORE?

The researcher who was being questioned was stunned in place and spoke in a cautious voice.

Researcher: …Sorry, it was an oversight on our part.

I can't believe that Lucien's concern is still about the impact of the reckless way of experimentation on CORE itself.

I can't help but sneer, this person really hasn't changed at all.

MC: Boldly sceptical, carefully seeking proof. It is indeed Professor Lucien's usual style of action. It is no wonder that NW is willing to put such an important experiment in your hands.

MC: I believe that Professor Lucien will be able to find the most reliable experimental plan. After all, he also learned from the time loop experiment.

Lucien's eyes were stunned for a moment, and he looked down at me blankly, seemingly not caring about the sarcasm in my words, and not even intending to take my words.

Lucien: So, based on the condition and importance of the experimental subject herself, the next experiments need to be conducted more carefully.

Lucien: Suspend all work in all phases until I make the next instruction. Do preliminary observation of the suspected carrier first, and report any problems in time.

He finished his arrangement briefly and concisely, turned around without looking back, and pressed the elevator button next to him.

His ignorance provoked an explosion of anger in me, so I couldn't resist speaking up to stop him.

MC: Wait a minute.

The elevator door opened and inside stood several men in suits who bowed their heads in salutation when they saw Lucien.

He continued to walk forward as if he couldn’t hear me, without a moment of hesitation.

MC: Lucien! I told you to stop!!

I never thought there would come a day when Lucien and I would look like we do now.

He finally turned around and raised his hand to stop the closing elevator doors, his deep gaze turned to me, quietly waiting for my next words.

MC: I'm going to ask you just one question.

I clenched my teeth and asked him the question word by word.

MC: Do you know everything about all the time loops?

His narrow eyes were slightly squinted, deep and dark, flashing with complex emotions that I could not read.

MC: Before you answer, I want to remind you. You promised me that you could keep quiet if there were questions you couldn't answer, but you couldn't lie to me. Those time loops, do you know them all?

The scene in front of me overlaps wonderfully with that moment in the past when it seemed like I was in the same boat, waiting for his answer with the last trace of hope in my heart.

Lucien: I know.

My head was filled with the deafening buzzing sound, my mouth opened and my eyes welled up with a dampness.

MC: Thank you for not breaking our promise. By the way, I haven't congratulated you on becoming the head of experiments in NW. The new suit is very nice, you are really different from the old days now.

In the blurry vision, I somehow felt that those pair of eyes were full of sad emotions, and the bottom of the cold pool-like eyes seemed to be covered with a veil, making the person elusive.

How can he be sad? He can’t be.

The elevator doors finally closed slowly and rose upward.

Lucien, with one hand casually in his pocket, stands tall, looking calm and indifferent, as if everything is in his hands.

The calm gaze fell on me, gleaming with imposing aura.

His expression was like a smile, but it was colder than the ice blade.

A few men in suits behind him saw him enter the elevator and continuously exchanged something with their bluetooth headsets since earlier.

Judging from their nonchalant attitude toward Lucien, they seem to be Lucien's men.

Whereas in my impression, Lucien has always been a loner

I sneered to myself; do I really know him at all?

Before today, I didn't even know he was the head of the experiment at NW.

The relationship between us is probably like the state we are in now.

He looked at me from above, with an all-seeing view of me; while I could only look up, knowing him only at the tip of the iceberg.

I didn't look away until he was steadily walking away from me, the air gradually blurring his expression.

But I could still feel that his gaze always fell on me.

The long silent stare at each other strangely restored peace to my heart.

I took one last deep look in the direction he had left and forced myself to withdraw my gaze.

In NW's experimental observatory, everyone complied with Lucien's instructions and suspended the experimental work at hand. As a researcher folded MC’s clothes, something fell and they picked it up. It was the Wish Hotel card. The researcher gave the card to Lucien. Lucien looked at it for a moment, before putting the card into his pocket.

[Chapter 20-12]

After Lucien temporally suspended the experiments, someone in protective suit came to remove the needle in her back. Looking around, she noticed a strange pump-like machine behind her and an observation room that’s placed on 2nd floor.

Suddenly, an elevator come to the floor she was on. Two researchers stepped out, with several people in NW uniforms suddenly swarmed the observation room. One of researcher have a gel (?) Evol and covered the entire room with the colloidal gel.

??: The experimental containment space is constructed and is ready for experimentation.

MC: Wait, isn't the experiment on hold?

??: The experiment begins.

The two researchers conducted a painful experiment on MC, with NW people watching her from observation room in the second floor. One of the researchers has this weird colourful tubes evol that pierced her body. MC keep asking them to stop but no one listened to her.

My temples throbbed, and I felt like my body was about to reach its limit, and the next second it would be torn hard. I opened my mouth wide to take a deep breath, but I couldn't make a sound as if my throat was strangled.

My eyes widened as I swept my gaze across the observation room again and again, subconsciously searching for Lucien's figure.

I want to ask him why he did this? Was even the temporary suspension just a ruse to fool me?

I squeezed on the handle as hard as I could, barely feeling the pain of my splitting knuckles, the dull pain spreading through my heart pulling at my nerves, a million times more intense than my physical pain.

Researcher: Initial screening is over, cut to the next phase…

Before he could finish his sentence, the Evolver who made the colloidal gel suddenly stumbled a step.

The colloidal capsule that enveloped the laboratory began to shake continuously, as if pulled outward by some force, before it ruptured with a ‘pop’ sound.

The coloured tubes that were constantly stirring inside my body drew away at the same time, and the researcher who was experimenting on me stopped moving, with all the pain abruptly disappearing.

My throat was dry and I coughed violently from the painful aftertaste.

Researcher: …Professor Lucien.

In a trance, all the fellows turned to look in the direction of the elevator.

I sat slumped in my chair, confused to see a familiar figure standing there, my eyes a little teary.

MC: Lucien…

I mumbled his name and got a better look at his expression.

His face was frighteningly dark, and the corners of his tightly pursed mouth were as cold as a knife edge.

He took one step towards me, with a noticeable anger radiating from his frown.

Researcher: Professor Lucien, here’s the deal…

Lucien: [sharply] Get out.

The researcher who just spoke froze.

Researcher: But...

Lucien: I’m telling you to get out. The experiment is terminated, that's my order.

When the man was about to say something else, Lucien turned his head and looked straight at him, his calm eyes hiding a harsh and chilling glare.

The researcher hesitated for a few seconds, raised his eyes to the observation room again and then left with a sigh of relief.

Lucien slightly lifted his eyes, and his sharp eyes fell on the observation room on the second floor.

In an instant, several icicles appeared out of thin air, viciously and accurately flying toward the observation room, before abruptly stopping in mid-air.

Lucien: From today onwards, no one is to touch my experimental subject without my permission.

Lucien: If anyone acts without permission, I will show him why I am able to stand here in charge of this experiment

As soon as he finished speaking, the icicles rattle and at the speed of lightning all embedded in the glass of the observation room.

The crowd in the observation room simultaneously took a few steps backward, with panic evident in their expressions.

Only one person stood motionless, with his hands behind his back, at the front. The man wearing the NW uniform with face hidden in the shadows.

I blinked slowly and caught a glimpse of Lucien glancing at me, and I slowly turned my head to meet his gaze.

I don't know if it's because of the unbearable pain just now, I feel that those stares are flickering with pain and remorse.

I blinked hard and those emotions disappeared in the next moment.

Like an attempt to make myself less ridiculous, I used all my strength to speak.

MC: It turns out that Professor Lucien cares so much about his experimental subject.

Lucien's expression seemed to freeze for a moment, he dropped his gaze and walked up to me.

Following his eyes, I saw several red and swollen wounds on my own body, some of which were still oozing blood streams.

It was as if there were scorching emotions ignited at the bottom of his eyes, and then instantly turned into a dead silence.

He stood up straight and averted his gaze.

Lucien: Of course, I will naturally care.

Lucien: Miss MC’s physical state determines the success of my experiments, so I will always be concerned about your physical state. If you are uncomfortable with anything, please feel free to let me know.

He left without looking back.

[Chapter 20-13]

MC got transferred to another lab to get treated for her wounds. Lucien didn’t show up for the whole day. Until she heard a familiar ‘ding’ of an elevator.

Ding-

The sharp sound of the elevator running sounded behind me. I didn't turn around and calmly waited for the footsteps to stop in front of my bed.

I know it's him.

Lucien: Is she okay?

Researcher: The injury is basically treated, all physical signs of Miss MC are normal, so there is no need to worry.

Lucien: Good, let’s prepare.

MC: ?

As soon as the doubts in my mind appeared, I felt like my body was being controlled and I was lying flat on the bed, unable to move even though I hadn't lost my strength.

I stared blankly at the ceiling with no lights, and the sound of various apparatus moving rang out in my ears one after another.

A terrible surmise quickly flashed through my mind, and I turned my head with difficulty before crashing straight into Lucien's eyes.

He was wearing a pure white lab coat and standing expressionlessly in front of the lab bed.

Lucien: While the experiment is going on, I need to make some judgments based on your reactions. So, the whole experiment will be done in your awake state.

There was a slight pause in his tone, and then he continued to speak in gentle tone.

Lucien: Don't worry, it won't be long. It's only a matter of trying to keep you awake.

MC: Are you going to personally experiment on me now?

Lucien: Yes.

MC: Then why bother informing me, I'm just an experiment subject to Professor Lucien. Isn't it always the formal style of NW to prioritize the purpose of the experiment over everything else?

Lucien: …It seems that I was redundant.

One by one, the apparatus and protective cover related to the experiment were linked to the body, and I closed my eyes, wanting this nightmare to end quickly.

As if a shadow flashed in front of me to block the dazzling light, I opened my eyes slightly.

Lucien steadily examined me for a moment and reached out to place his palm close to my heart.

The freezing cold stream flowed through my heart in his hand and gradually expanded to my entire body, as if a force was tentatively flowing through my body.

I felt the cold current melt with my blood, so cold that it didn't hurt.

But my heart was being churned together, like being scraped by invisible blades one after another.

Lucien: MC, do you feel any sensation in your limbs now?

He abruptly asked, and I averted my eyes, not intending to give a reply.

He asked two more times with great patience, and I simply closed my eyes and ignored it.

Suddenly, my hand felt a cold temperature.

My eyes snapped open and I saw Lucien's five fingers slightly closed around my hand, his broad palm covering the top of my hand.

Lucien: Can you feel it?

He softened his tone a bit, his gaze sincere and gentle, patiently waiting for my answer.

I was lost in thought for a moment, a little sour in my heart and a little irritated by the sudden other-worldly gentleness.

I was angry that he could still talk to me in such a calm and relaxed tone。

I'm even more angry at myself for still being swayed by this kind of him.

My body acted before my brain, and I strongly clasped his hand back, clenching my palm and pressing my nails against the softest skin of his palm with deadly force.

I could feel my fingertips embedding themselves in his hand with all the strength they could muster.

MC: What about you? Can you feel it?

Researcher: Professor Lucien, your hand…!

The researcher was about to step forward to stop this ridiculous and childish "revenge" when Lucien raised his other hand and motioned for him to stay put.

Lucien: It’s okay.

Lucien did not speak again, only his pupils contracted for a moment and his brow was slightly furrowed.

I unconsciously let go of his hand and saw four messy and fresh red crescent marks appear on his wide palm.

My heart also felt like it was being gripped hard.

Lucien: It seems like you're adapting well.

MC: …

I turned my head back in the opposite direction to him and simply closed my eyes completely.

Lucien: Then, let’s continue.

In the dark, the sense of hearing and touch will become extra sensitive.

I can clearly hear his close breath; I can vividly feel his occasional warmth across my skin.

His hands seem to be cold to the extreme, always make me shiver.

I gradually calmed down my breathing, and the anger inside me slowly disappeared into thin air. All that remained was a strong frustration, and an endless numbness.

I don't know how long it took, but I heard Lucien speak softly.

Lucien: It will be over soon.

Just as the words fell, the elevator in the lab suddenly made a sound.

Surprised by the sudden silence around me, I opened my eyes curiously and saw Lucien's grim face and sharp gaze in the direction of the elevator.

I followed his gaze and my eyes jumped abruptly.

From the elevator came down a group of men in NW uniforms, who were stopped a short distance away by the lab's guards.

The man at the front of the line looked at Lucien with a smirk, as if to provoke him.

[Chapter 20-14]

??(Former Experiment Leader): Professor Lucien, what do you mean by that?

The man in the front pointed his chin at the guards stopping him and contemptuously smiled.

??: As the leader of NW's experiments, do I still need to get anyone's permission to enter or leave NW's labs? It's not appropriate for Professor Lucien to bring his own style of handling things to NW, is it?

There was a silent gap, like two forces pulling at the air.

I couldn't help but take a look at the man who spoke. It sounded like he was the leader of experiments at NW as well, but I didn't remember much about how he looked.

On the contrary, the… uniform is somewhat familiar.

I remembered something with a snap.

The previous experiment that caused me so much pain, there was a man in uniform on the second floor, and he seemed to be in this uniform!

The scene reorganized in my mind intermittently. I recalled the scene at that time and what Lucien said, and I realized something strange in hindsight.

Lucien was… interrupting him at the time?

Could it be that the experiment on that day had nothing to do with Lucien?

Just as soon as this thought came to my head, it was immediately smothered by me.

MC, this is not the time to think about this.

Maintaining the current state and not having any expectations for that person is the most correct choice.

Out of the corner of my eye, I felt Lucien take a few steps towards the man.

Lucien: If I remember correctly, you are only a former experiment leader.

Lucien turned around and unexpectedly stepped in front of me as if blocking me.

The man didn't seem annoyed, just smiled mildly.

??: Although I am not in charge of the CORE-related experiments now, I still have the authority to ask about the progress. We are all colleagues, there is no need for Professor Lucien to be so full of hostility.

Lucien: You misunderstand, I'm not making it personal. I'm just curious about who gave you the power to interrupt important level experiments with such reckless disregard.

Lucien said it softly, but anyone can hear the seriousness of it.

The other side laughed dryly twice, obviously somewhat stunned.

??: Professor Lucien is so serious. Interrupting the experiment is not my intention. I came here to appreciate Professor Lucien’s hard work, so I came here to take over the finishing work.

As soon as the words left his mouth, the NW members behind him stepped forward in unison with a strong stance.

Lucien sneered coldly; his body unmoving.

Lucien: You have no right to take over. Sorry for the wasted trip.

??: It doesn't matter if I have the authority, what matters is-

Lucien: The important thing is that it is not up to you to determine why you are here. In other words, even if you don't show up here, someone else will be sent to "take over" my experiments.

I looked up at Lucien's profile suspiciously, and the cold light made his edges sharp.

The former leader's smile froze on his face as he put away his grin and looked thoughtfully at Lucien.

Lucien: I am well aware of the reason for your presence here. So, let's not beat around the bush and waste time. For me, the priority is to confirm the presence of CORE in the suspected carriers. and it doesn't matter where, whether it's at BS, or the task force, or NW.

Lucien: If NW is too concerned about my position, then I can only say that cooperation is not necessary. After all, if we couldn’t establish enough room for trust from the beginning, then I had to withdraw from the experiment.

Lucien: Of course, my experiment-related progress would also be returned to zero all together.

He turned around, as if giving an ultimatum.

Lucien: Please convey this to them as well.

The former leader frowned tightly and was silent with an unclear expression. A moment later, he led his men to turn around and leave.

Lucien seemed unaffected as he leaned in a little closer to me.

Lucien: Sorry for the little incident. Thank you for waiting.

With that, he nodded to the researcher beside him stoically.

Lucien: The experiment continues.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

In a small office that no one cares about, the printer rattled, and a dark shadow pushed in the door.

Lucien walked quickly to the printer and picked up the lab report he had just finished printing.

He turned on the old desk lamp on the table, the dim warm light illuminating his sharp brow.

His cold gaze fell on the report, and he suddenly furrowed his brow and fell into thought.

The experiment turned out to be far more complicated than he had imagined.

There is an invisible protective barrier inside the girl's body that contains something that may even play a more important role than just protection.

And what made it even weirder was that the barrier didn't seem to be formed innately, but more like the result of some kind of artificial installation.

Lucien pulled out another drawer and pulled out another lab report.

It was the report of the girl's CORE gene identification bullet test, which showed no CORE gene reaction, but it could not exclude the presence of the CORE gene.

His fingers traced the line on the report and finally landed on the edge of the desk, tapping rhythmically.

The next moment, the rhythm stopped abruptly, his eyebrows unfurled and he seemed to understand something.

[Chapter 20-16]

I didn't expect the next experiment to come so soon.

When Lucien stood in front of me, there was not even a single ripple in my heart.

MC: Professor Lucien's efficiency is really admirable. Did you come up with any results that satisfied you?

Lucien ignored my provocation and just gave me a deep look.

The researcher on the side pushed the medical cart next to me and neatly prepared something.

Researcher: Professor, everything you need is ready.

With these words, the unknown researcher took a step back and stood aside with the other researchers.

Rather than observing, it looks like they are monitoring.

Lucien didn't seem to care, as he took something from the cart and held it in his palm, glowing with a pale and faint light from the gap.

The next thing I knew, one of his hands was covering my eyes.

MC: …?! Lucien, what are you going to do again?

He didn’t answer, I couldn’t see anything with my obscured vision.

I only felt Lucien's hand gently touch my forehead, and a strange power spread out at my chest.

My consciousness was gradually withdrawn and before I was about to fall asleep, I heard his voice.

Lucien: I don't really want you to feel pain if that's possible. Go to sleep. It will be over soon.

MC wakes up in a pure white room. There’s a transparent glass on the side of the room, and behind it still stood many researchers in white protective suits and several men in NW uniforms. One of researcher pressed a red button to announce the start of experiment.

I subconsciously took two steps back, but heard the sound of a door opening behind me.

I turned to look and saw a slender figure walking in with a steady pace.

MC: …Lucien

He didn't wear a lab coat and neither did he say a word, he just looked at me expressionlessly and slowly lifted his right hand.

Seeing the object he held in his hand, my eyes widened and I stumbled as I took a step backwards.

It was a gun.

The gun had a unique appearance, with a long, narrow muzzle and a strange, cold glow, with its dark hole pointing straight at me.

I looked at him in disbelief, and for a moment, I felt that the Lucien in front of me was so unfamiliar.

But perhaps, this is the real him.

Vigorous ambition bloomed in his heart, driving and leading him.

I looked at Lucien in despair. Lost the strength of all my words.

In my hazy vision, I couldn't separate Lucien from the group of people behind the glass.

MC: Yeah. You are no different from them in the first place.

My entire body seemed to be held in place by relentless chains, and I gripped my palms hard, not wanting to let the tears fall.

I can’t cry.

My dignity does not allow me to shed tears now.

I straightened my chest and stared at Lucien.

His chest rose and fell, and an inexplicable sadness passed through his usually indifferent eyes.

But it disappears so quickly, as if it were a kind of disguise of his.

Ding-

The loudspeaker blared once more, as if urging, and as if warning.

I saw him take a deep breath, meet my eyes decisively, and slowly pull the trigger with a somewhat stiff fingertip.

Bang-!

A momentary tearing pain exploded in my heart.

This feeling is all too familiar, and I know as I have experienced it too many times long ago.

In that cold and dimly lit institute, in front of Lucien.

It's just that at that time, I was still expectant and rejoicing after each pain.

Because I trust that person who will work hard to keep me out of pain.

He promised me.

In between the chaos, I always trusted him so much.

As soon as I open my eyes, I will see his gentle eyes.

Not like this.

At the moment of my fall, the whole world collapsed and became dizzy.

At this moment Lucien couldn't hide the grief on his face, he turned his back against the glass window, lowered his head, and held me carefully in his arms, his body trembling unnoticeably.

Lucien, why are you showing me that expression?

I murmured to myself.

Lucien: Don't be afraid, the CORE gene recognition "bullet" will not harm lives. It's the latest improvement, and it won't even leave a wound.

My mouth opened and closed, with one hand clutching his collar. He put his hand on my wound while leaning down to listen.

MC: Don’t… touch, I…

His pupils instantly contracted, his eyebrows furrowed together, and the hand that was holding me was exerting itself even a little.

The pain from that inexplicable shot was indeed only for a moment, but I knew something had been shot to pieces in that instant.

I slowly sat up, pushed Lucien away, rigidly put my hands against the floor, and took a few steps backwards.

At the same time, I heard a mechanical announcement on the broadcast.

Broadcast: Experiment phase I is over. Experimental results: abnormalities exist in the experimental subject, no CORE gene reaction, but the presence of CORE gene cannot be ruled out

The moment he heard the notice, Lucien's eyes wavered for a moment with an unusual light, bright and clear.

There was an inexplicably reassuring air that surrounded Lucien and put me in a bit of a trance for a while.

I don't understand him.

But maybe Lucien wasn't trying to get me to understand anything either.

He stood up and left the lab.

Just as the door was closed, the pure white walls lit up with a projection showing a one-hour countdown.

I sat paralyzed in the corner, with a premonition of what was in store for me, like someone sentenced to death, numbly waiting for the countdown to end.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

An hour later, I gazed calmly at Lucien, who was once again pointing his gun at me.

I just want this to be over quickly.

This time, he also no longer hesitated.

He immediately pulled the trigger and with a bang-

I closed my eyes and waited for the tearing pain.

Broadcast: Experiment phase 2 is over. Experiment results: no CORE gene reaction.

MC: ?!

I opened my eyes and saw the "bullet" fall to the ground about five centimeters away from me, turning into a puddle of transparent liquid with a strange light.

What's going on here?

Lucien: CORE gene identification bullets that fail to enter the subject indicate that the subject is not a CORE gene carrier.

As if he could see my confusion, Lucien put away the gun and explained to me.

??: Professor Lucien, explain.

A sudden lazy voice rang out from the broadcast, which was casual and implied a bit of pressure.

Lucien took a pair of handcuffs out of his pocket and shook them against the glass window.

Lucien: The reason for the abnormal reaction of the subject, and this pair of handcuffs has similar principle.

I looked at the handcuffs and recognized them immediately - they were the handcuffs used to suppress Evol's ability on Prison Island.

Lucien: The reason why the handcuffs can inhibit Evolver's ability is because it is made with a special stone. I believe the specialness and rarity of this stone is better known to all of you here than I am.

His voice was lowered a few beats, and he seemed to mean something.

A rare stone that can suppress Evol? I've never heard of his existence before, is it some kind of confidential research by NW?

Lucien: A certain element in this stone carries a special force field that inhibits Evol abilities. The presence of such an element in the human body can cause a miscalculation of this identification bullet.

Lucien: This element has a certain inhibitory force that affects the identification result, which is why the conclusion "neither exists, but is not excluded". However, this force field disappears after an hour or so in the human body. After it disappears, the natural reaction returns to normal.

There was a clamour over the broadcast as the researcher exchanged words and discussed Lucien's conclusions.

??: You mean, she had this inexplicable element in him before she was tested?

Lucien: Yes.

??: Why did this element appear in her body?

Lucien sneered; his eyebrows raised sternly.

Lucien: I'm just proving whether CORE exists or not, and as for the question in your mouth, it doesn't have anything to do with what I do.

Lucien: Instead of wandering around here grasping at the incorrect options, why don't you update your identification bullets properly?

Lucien slowly turned to me as if he didn't care about the person behind the glass door.

My mind was processing a huge number of mixed information, and Lucien's words just now caused me some confusion.

Is there such a strange element in my body? When did this element enter my body? And how did it enter?

But I have a vague feeling that something is wrong.

I was thinking back to myself about what he said when I suddenly heard Lucien's voice.

Lucien: Bring her back.

He looked to one of the researchers and signalled for the other to take me away, and without giving me a chance to speak, he walked in the direction of the room behind the glass.

As Lucien walked into the observation room, he was greeted with a smirk by a thin, tall man in a NW officer's uniform.

He was followed by a number of uniformed NW team members, including the former project leader who had broken into the lab earlier.

Lucien just faintly glanced over everyone and sat straight down in the seat opposite the man.

??(Xiao Yue): Professor Lucien, thank you for your hard work.

Lucien: There’s no need to thank me.

??: We just had another small discussion and there are still some questions about the experiment.

??: Although it is true that the two experiments before and after the suspected carrier showed different results because of the force field.

??: Shouldn't comparative experiments be conducted more rigorously to make sure that the phenomenon present in her body is indeed not abnormal? What does Professor Lucien think?

Lucien: Indeed, it should have been more rigorous.

Lucien: Then why not just prove it now.

Lucien said as he reached for a small medical glass vial in the man's hand, which glowed with a faint light.

He put the substance in the bottle into his palm, and the light flowed periodically.

He raised his hand near his heart, and the light suddenly unfolded into a transparent barrier, then melted into Lucien's body as if it had been absorbed.

After doing so, Lucien casually pulled out a gun from his pocket, pointed it towards his chest and pulled the trigger decisively.

Bang-!

At the same time, the screen on the operator’s console immediately showed a downward ripple, the same result as the girl's previous experiment.

Neither exists nor is it excluded.

Lucien swayed back subconsciously, his brow instinctively furrowed, and he quickly took hold of the chair handle with one hand to support himself from falling over.

It all happened so fast that for a moment, the observation room was silent.

After a few moments, Lucien spoke to a few researchers standing next to him.

Lucien: Continue to cross-reference this finding. Synchronize data and conclusions in a timely manner.

Researcher: Yes professor.

Lucien finished his speech without changing his expression and came to the computer, quickly uploading his own set of data to the file.

It seems that what just happened was just a trivial part of the experiment for him.

The NW officer smiled with satisfaction and lazily flipped open the pile of files in his hand.

He took a red seal from his pocket and stamped it heavily on the cover of the girl's file.

??: Professor Lucien will dispose of the medical waste and the experimental subject in this experiment.

After pushing the file to Lucien, he got up and left the observation room with a group of people.

The observation room fell into silence.

Lucien sat quietly for a moment, raised his hand to flip the file on the table, saw the one big "exclusion" stamped on it, and finally revealed a weary look.

[Next Part]-> Here

#mlqc lucien #mr love queen's choice #mlqc translation #mlqc cn #mlqc spoiler #going to translate ms chapter as s2 going to end soon lol #thinking that this chapter is basically reverse ch 13 #like he wasn't actually betraying her but she thought he did

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writefightandflightclub · 4 years

Text

I see you (Din Djarin x GN reader)

Summary: Din is hurting, don��t look at him. No REALLY, DON’T LOOK AT HIM.

Genre: Angst / fluff + hurt / comfort.

Author’s note: This takes place after the events of Chapter 15, therefore SPOILERS if you keep reading!

Of course, I don’t know what will ACTUALLY happens in the rest of the series, but in this version, Din + Reader + Grogu are safe on a spaceship after Those Events Happened in Ch14, and after THAT happened on Moskar in Ch15 (reader was present on Moskar). Din is dealing with some trauma following That Event.

I wrote this in one go in a tired yet enthusiastic frenzy after watching. I didn’t want to spend ages on it... but I hope that it’s coherent and that you like it!

Warnings: nightmares, angst but it turns out okay. Final warning: spoilers for S2 esp. chapter 14 and 15. Meant to be GN but not sure if the Mando’a confuses that. Pls forgive.

GIF: a non-chapter-specific adorable GIF so that I’m not spewing spoilers onto my dash. By @calsblueponcho

You hear him stir again. For the third night in a row.

You hear his groans start to build from within the cot opposite you - the sound wrung from his chest and strangled in his throat. You hear him thrashing, limbs and elbows and whatever part of him clunking against the walls of the narrow sleep space, the sounds tinny from within his metal box; like usual.

Metal between you and him.

Finally, you hear the shush of the door as he clambers out of bed, and you hear ragged breaths sawing in and out of him. You hear the weight of his blankets pool on to the floor as he throws them off with a grunt, and his bare feet making contact with the metal floor.

Now, his sounds are not tinny. They are organic. There are no layers of metal between you any longer. Now, only the darkness separates you from him. Only the darkness separates him from the knowledge you hold; that he is afraid.

You hold still. You stay quiet, as Din completes his now nightly ritual - as if the man needed any more rituals. Your heart breaks for him.

Each night now, he awakes in fear, and he throws off his blankets. You have no doubt that if you scooped them from the floor they would be warm and damp with sweat - the whole space is tinged with the odour of roused panic. Each night now, he shuffles hastily towards the foundling’s pram to see for himself that Grogu is safe and here, with him. As usual -you expect- the small child is sleeping soundly, despite what he has been through. Perhaps because of it. He knows now that no matter what happens, his father will keep him safe.

Each night now, as you lie in the dark, pretending to be asleep after his distress has awoken you, Din hovers over your bed for a moment, drawing in a gasp of a breath as if he might speak or plead for help; however, each night it is the same, and no words ever come. Each night he then breaks free of this hot, enclosing space and his suffocating sleep, and you hear his footsteps recede, heading in the direction of the cool, more open cockpit.

This time, though, when he tugs in a breath to speak, you do not pretend to be asleep.This man does not need any more rituals which hurt him, you think. You will help him to break this one.

“Din,” you breathe softly, turning your body towards where he stands, even though you cannot see him. Only because you cannot see him. There is no metal between him now, and you are determined not to look.

Although he stays silent, you can guess at the tension in him. You can sense his stillness and hear his short, sharp breaths. If he was armoured, his pain would be sounding out. Gloves creaking around his balling fists, his clunky boots tapping agitatedly on the floor. Unarmoured, his pain is in stealth mode. Unarmoured, he is entirely more vulnerable to it. You imagine him stripped down -in all ways, unprotected- and your heart breaks for him.

You desperately want to lay your body over him; become his armour.

Din had almost lost it all, and even after what he had gotten back, he had still lost too much to bear.

He had done it all for the child.

It had been worth it.

But that didn’t mean it wasn’t heavy to bear.

He still doesn’t speak, his pain in stealth mode, and so, you shift and swivel on your cot until you are sitting on the edge of it.

“Din,” you repeat, and your hand somehow finds his in the dark, your eyes deciphering the shifting shadows enough to reach for him, and immediately his fingers close tightly around yours, as if they had been searching for a hand to hold.

His hand is clammy, slick with panic.

“Did you have a nightmare?” You ask, not even venturing your gaze up towards his shrouded face, out of respect.You have nothing but respect for him.

“Yes,” he states, and even with one word his voice cuts through the dark and splits your chest like you have been struck with a spear of beskar. Because of the pain in it, yes. But also because there are no layers between you. No vocoder. No metal. His voice is warm and deep and robust like this, and it splits you apart. “Sorry. If I woke you.”

His fingers grip yours a little more tightly, but before you can return the favour, he quickly snatches his hand away. “Try and go back to sleep.”

“I couldn’t sleep anyway,” you lie. “Would you like some root tea? Maybe we can have a cup and both of us can try again.”

If Din finds you out in this lie he doesn’t let on. You’re a bad liar, and he’s a good judge of truth, so you suppose he can make whatever decision he pleases, this way. But, he merely makes a gruff sound of agreement. “I’ll get my helmet,” he states, and yet you find his hand again and give a gentle tug to stop him.

“It’s okay. Go sit in the cockpit, keep it dark. I’ll make some tea for us, and I won’t look.”

There is a beat, and then he makes another gruff sound of agreement before turning on his heels, efficiently swivelling towards the front of the ship.

You stand, and you take a moment to still the racing of your heart. You take your own gasp of air. You feel the pounding in your chest at this morsel of skin on skin. Your hand in his.

You exhale a long breath, and slowly, quietly, so as not to wake the child, you slip through the darkened ship until you reach the cramped ration store, heating and brewing some tea under a dimmed and hazy cooklight.

You hurry, as all you can think of is Din alone and unprotected, and how much you wish to guard his heart.

When you reach the cockpit, you enter with your eyes down, averted, looking anywhere but at him, and then you enter, a cup of sweet sleep tea in each hand. You can make out his silhouette in your periphery, and, silently, you slot yourself into the co-pilot’s seat beside him, extending the tea for him to take. His fingertips brush yours as he takes it, and you almost jolt and spill the contents.

You calm your breath again, and you allow the darkness to settle around you, a barrier between you and him. The only barrier between you and him, you can’t help but think.

“Thank you,” the Mandalorian states after a moment, his tone dull.

“Don’t thank me until you’ve tasted it,” you warn with a gentle attempt at a smile. “Couldn’t really see what I was doing.”

“No,” Din says, and this time, his hand finds yours in the dark, where it rests on the arm of the co-pilot’s seat.

There goes your heart pounding again.

“I mean... Thank you for looking out for me. And Grogu.”

Oh.

What else would you possibly do?

“Of course, Din, you’re my...” you cut yourself off before you complete the thought. Din is not your family. You’re not his riddur. Grogu is not your child. Even though that’s how it feels. Even though that’s what you want. “You’d do the same for me,” you say, reeling yourself in. That doesn’t sound quite right either, you fluster. To a bounty hunter that must sound transactional. Like he owes you a debt now.

You’re getting it all wrong.

And all you want to do is comfort him. Protect him.

“Din...?” you ask softly, your eyes fixed straight ahead, not looking at him, even though you are desperate to. Even though from the shapes in your periphery, and from the direction of his voice you can tell his head is angled towards you. Even though you feel like he is staring intently at you. Like he sees you, even in the dark.

“Yeah?”

A heat rises in you and you snatch your fingers away from his. Your hand had become clammy. Instead of this heat, you take a sip of your hot tea, both hands wrapped around the ceramic, earthenware vessel.

“You know,” you say, unsure why your voice is shaking. “It might help to talk about it, the nightmare... if you’d like to.”

You hope you haven’t overstepped. Din hasn’t had anyone to open to for a long-time before you, and you know he may not want to- however, he surprises you.

“I feel selfish,” he states, his words coming to you immediately and freely as if he had been waiting for a kind ear to listen.

“What in the stars..?!” you exclaim, in a shocked whisper, your eyes intent on the night sky through the transparisteel as you summon the stars in your setiment. “You’re the least selfish person I’ve ever met, Din.”

He emits another gruff sound, but this time it is not in agreement.

His pain...

Sweet man.

You are desperate to turn your head towards him in this moment, but you never would. You would not look.

“I keep having this nightmare, as if it’s the worst thing,” Din continues, and you recognise guilt in his tone. “And it’s not about Grogu. It’s not about you and the child and keeping you both safe.”

Your heart thrums again, from the fact he mentions you and the child in the same breath; mentions you alongside his everything.

“What is it about?” you ask gently, your voice barely above a whisper.

Beside you, you hear Din take a long sip of tea, and you don’t rush his words. You have all the time in the world for him.

“It’s... about my face,” he says solemnly, and even the mere mention of his face has your heart unsure whether it is breaking or racing.

You had known this would take a toll on him. You knew that having to show his face on Morak; to you, to the Imperials, to Mayfield, would haunt him. For a long time. You had tried not to look. You hadn’t looked. And yet, you had still seen him. You had seen him, only for a moment, before you could avert your eyes - hard as it was to look away.

That moment, though, was long enough to burn the image of him like a brand behind your eyes. His hawkish nose, his brown mop of grizzled hair...

Brown eyes.

Brown eyes as kind as his soul.

He was beautiful, exactly as he was to you already. Exactly as he had been to you before you ever had a hint of what he looked like.

Still, as much as you fell in love with his face the instant you saw it, exactly like you fell in love with his soul the instant you knew it, you wished you could take that moment back. You didn’t want it; not like this. It felt like a violation to even look at him, so can’t imagine how violating it must have felt to be seen.

No wonder he was having nightmares.

Your heart was in pieces for him. How in the stars could he feel he was selfish? It wasn’t as though he needed to prove his love for Grogu, when he had done that to get him back. When he had given everything he held dear.

“I let the kid get taken. I barely got him back alive. You back alive. And I’m dreaming about showing my face. I should be worrying about him. Not myself.”

Only this man could think himself selfish for experiencing a trauma, you could swear.

“It was a trauma, Din,” you state sensitively. “It makes sense that you would have nightmares about it. And... maybe,” you muse. “Do you think it’s possible... you’re not dreaming about the kid because you know he’s safe now? You know he’s back home and we can protect him. But the thing plaguing you... is something that was taken from you. Something you can’t get back?”

You’ve thought about this. You’ve had time to think about every single thing which might have been bothering him and how you might fix it, these past nights. That has become your ritual. To care for him. To notice when he holds Grogu a little tighter, becomes more reluctant to let go of his hand. When he grumbles about the specs of this ship, compared to the Crest. When he waits extra late, until it’s extra dark to remove his helmet these days. When he wakes in the night thrashing and gasping for air.

You can’t change what happened, but you hope you can be there as he heals from it.

Din doesn’t respond rightaway, but he takes a sip of his tea, mulling your words over.

“Do you want to talk more about it?” you ask gently. “About what happened?”

And, Din eventually begins, in a deep, empty rumble, sounding like an engine low on fuel. “They scanned me,” he says, and you can tell from the change in his voice that he has turned away from you - is now looking down at the floor. In your periphery you see his figure hunched over, head hung like a bird.

You want to reach out for him, but you don’t. Not yet.

“It wasn’t only showing my face to them, to you,” he begins, and you have a bitter taste in your mouth not only from his trauma but also from the fact you were any part of it. “They scanned me. My face is in their system. My face is everywhere. In every imperial back-up, all across the galaxy. Not only did I violate the code, but my violation is infinite, eternal. They have my face.” Your face twists in agony on his behalf as he speaks. “You know, I keep waking up, in a panic. Like I did when Grogu was taken... except this time it’s me they stole. They really did steal all of me. I’m not fit to call myself a Mandalorian.”

Tentatively, you do reach out your hand to him now, and you set it on to his shoulder, feeling the subtle heat of his skin through the thin, still damp fabric. You rub small circles there, hoping you can soothe him even a tiny amount. You let his heavy words sink in, before you speak.

“Din, I’m so sorry this happened to you,” you soothe. “I know I can’t fix it. I wish I could. But you should know, that it’s okay to feel this way, and I’m here -and so is Grogu- and we’ll help you however we can.” You suck your lips in between your teeth as he is unresponsive, wondering whether to go on. You decide you must. That he must hear this. “And, Din,” you say, through a watery smile. “I hope it’s not inappropriate to say- you know The Way better than I ever can- but, it seems to me, from what you tell me, that being a Mandalorian isn’t any one thing. It’s strength, and honour, and loyalty. And if it’s those things too, then, Din, you’re the most Mandalorian person I’ve ever met.”

Beneath your hand, your feel Din’s chest stutter and he takes a shaky, volatile breath in and out. You wonder if he is crying.

“Cyar'ika” he says softly, after a few moments. “How do you always make me feel a little better? A little safer?”

Your heart pounds. He called you darling.

“It’s just the tea,” you dismiss, through brimming tears of joy. It is all you want. All you want to protect this sweet man.

“It’s not,” he states painly. “The tea’s awful,” he says, and this time, his hand clamps over yours on his shoulder. His chest shakes again, but this time it is with a gentle, shaky laugh. The kind of throaty, beautiful chuckle which sounds out of him when Grogu plays with the silver ball of the flight control.

Yes, he settles his hand on top of yours, but, this time, neither of you snatch your hands away. His laugh subsides, until it dissipates into the space between you, warming the room a little.

“There is one more thing I’d like to talk about,” Din says, his voice cracking.

Softly, you invite him to continue with a squeeze of his shoulder.

“You saw me,” he says, gently, and you can tell his gaze has turned back to you, head pointed where he’s looking. You feel his eyes on you.

Brown eyes.

Now that you know what they look like, it is all the harder to avert your gaze.

You did. You saw him.

“I’m sorry,” you state, voice brittle, and your heart breaking, tears tipping from your eyes. “I wish I hadn’t. I wasn’t looking.”

Just like now. You won’t look.

“Yes, I know. But you saw me. You always see me,” he states, his voice warm and revving like an engine suddenly full with fuel. You shake your head softly in confusion, unsure where he is going with this, syllables stuttering out of you. Luckily, Din picks up the slack. “I hoped you would see me for the first time as my riddur, but, now that you have already... what do you think? Is mine a face you could live with?”

Your heart is pounding faster now. It is definitely racing, and no longer breaking.

As his riddur? He meant to marry you? Means to, still? Your brimming tears spill over on to your cheeks.

And, this time, you turn toward each other, even though your gaze is cast down. Not looking. His eyes very much fixed on you- on whatever he can make out in this shadow.

You think that having such kind, brown eyes fall on you is a blessing.

“Din,” you start, your voice full and bowed with emotion. “Yours is a face I loved before I ever saw it. Loved when I saw it. Will love if even if I never see it again, and would love if I looked at nothing else but into your eyes for the rest of my life. Your face is as beautiful as your soul, and I never needed to look at you to see you.”

“Cyar’ika,” he whispers softly, scooping up your hand and bringing it to rest on his cheek.

An impossibly joyous smile splits your face as you feel the texture of his skin and the scruff of his beard against your fingers. Finally. As you feel his own face crease into a smile in return, his cheek appling beneath your touch. You are overwhelmed by the trust he must place in you, to sit with you like this.

“Do you mean it, Din?” you ask, scarcely believing it. “You want to be a family?”

This time, Din’s voice does not come to you from behind metal - behind beskar. It is close. It is unfettered. You feel his warm, sweet breath on your face as his joyful, certain words filter out of him. “We’re already a family. You and me and the kid. I’m never letting anything take you away from me.”

You believe him.

You smooth the pads of your finger over his face and he reaches out to cup your cheek too, feeling the tracks of your tears beneath his touch. With his broad hands, skin-on-skin, Din pulls you into him, and your lips find his immediately, his tongue delving eagerly into you as if he has been waiting for a mouth to kiss.

Din has been waiting for a long time, perhaps. Waiting for you to complete his family - officially. But he’s never had to wait to love you. He already did that, long ago. From the first time he saw you, in fact. You had a face as beautiful as your soul, and he knew you were the one for him.

You close your eyes, feeling overwhelmed by happiness. You do not look at him; your Mando. You don’t even try to, but you don’t need to look to see him.

Still, you if you get the chance to look again, you think it will be a blessing to gaze into those brown eyes.

Those brown eyes as kind as his soul, and full of love, instead of fear.

#din djarin x reader #mando x reader #the mandalorian x reader #pedro pascal #the mandalorian spoilers #mandalorian spoilers #grogu #mando s2

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robinofgothamcity · 3 years

Text

♡ starting prompt: “if I was your boyfriend, I’d pepper you with kisses and gifts and spoil you so bad.”

♡ pairing: tim drake (Robin YJ S2) x fem reader

♡ lyric inspiration: “if we go down then we go down together, we’ll get away with everything, we’ll show them we are better.”

♡ note: not checked for grammar or spelling mistakes

Tim Drake was a special one, everyone knew that. he wasn’t Dick, the happy go lucky Robin, he for sure wasn’t Jason Todd, the sarcastic and very rude Robin. he was the tactical Robin, the one who made sure everything went as planned, whether it was on a mission or when all of you decided to hangout.

you were not apart of his plan. at all.

when you first joined the team, you were very similar to Garfield and Bart. very playful, extremely flexible when it came to hanging out with everyone on the team which made you very likable amongst them. Tim didn’t really like it at first.

he thought all you liked to do was have fun and play games but when he finally saw you out on the field, he was more than impressed. it was like a flip of a switch. your playful personality immediately went out the window and it was like you became a whole other person.

the team at the moment was having a bit down time. more than usual that is. you were lying around the lair, kicking your legs up against Bart as Nightwing walked in with Robin following behind him.

“hey guys!” you murmured through a mouthful of chips, “afternoon ( hero name ), enjoying that bag of chips?” Nightwing asked. you nodded happily as Bart reached in and ate some, “what has all of you here? you guys aren’t usually around at this time of day,” Garfield exclaimed.

Robin sat next to you, making sure he didn’t sit too close to you. when he started developing his crush on you, he immediately sensed himself getting nervous around you so he made it his mission to remain a close yet far distance.

“we need to talk to the team and since some of you are here, we figured it was best to break the news to you now,” you gave Tim and the rest of the boys a nervous look, “is the team breaking up? because I can’t afford to be back on the street,” you practically blurted.

Nightwing laughed, shaking his head, “nothing like that! the city of Gotham actually wants to honor the team this weekend at a special dinner,” Nightwing said. you sighed in relief as he continued, “they want it to be a black tie event so all of you need to be dressed appropriately. Wonder Woman herself offered to buy your attire if you choose to attend,” he mentioned to you.

you perked up in excitement.

“awesome! I’ll give her a call right now, thanking her in advanced,” you said, getting up from the couch and heading to the nearest phones. Tim sighed, watching you walk away as Nightwing gave his brother a look of confusion.

“any of you planning on asking any of the girls as a date?” Nightwing asked off handedly. Garfield and Bart instantly perked up, eyes darting in the direction of where you went, “definitely ( hero name ),” the two boys said.

suddenly, the air went thick as Bart, Garfield, and Tim looked at each other. a competitive stare fell on their faces as Nightwing could tell something was up, “mind telling me what all of you are thinking?” Nightwing asked them as Garfield and Bart instantly looked at each other.

“I’m asking her out!” the two of them shouted.

Nightwing shook his head disappointedly. he knew that this would become an issue. there wasn’t many girls on the team that could be asked out on a date so that really only left you and Cassie on terms of availability.

“please, like she’d accept you as a date,” Bart told Garfield as Garfield immediately stood up in defensive, “you’re the one to talk!” he retorted just as loudly.

Nightwing could tell his brother was thinking to himself. something he did often and while he wasn’t exactly the best at figuring it out, this time, he knew it had to do with the conversation at hand. every now and again, Dick could see the way Tim looked at you. some of it was eyes of admiration but more often than not, he had that lovestruck look.

Dick could just tell that Tim was also apart of the competition in trying to ask you out. you had walked back inside to the living room but this time with Cassie at your side. you were laughing at something she said before Garfield and Bart attacked you suddenly.

“do you want to be my date to the dinner?” they both yelled in unison. Cassie immediately started laughing as you stood in place, not knowing whether to accept or not, “uh, Garfield? I thought you seen me as a sister?” you asked, seeing Gar’s dejected face.

last week while all of you were playing a game of cards, he had mentioned that he thought of you as a sister in passing. while he never thought that the comment would ever come back to haunt him, sure enough it did. Gar hung his head low as Bart gave you a hopeful look.

“you serious?” you asked the redhead. Bart nodded excitedly, “yeah! we can get matching ties and dresses!” he practically boasted as he grabbed your hand, shaking it in excitement.

you shook your head, “whatever Allen, the color we’re wearing is dark green so find a tie and I can find a color to match a dress with it,” you stated, making Bart nod in agreement.

once you were out of earshot with Cassie, Bart fist pumped the air in excitement as he danced in place, “told you I’d get the girl!” he exclaimed happily. Tim sighed, not saying much as he tried to not make it sense that he was both jealous and disappointed.

he had no idea that they were going to ask you out this quickly. Tim figured that maybe he could get you alone and ask you out when the time was right but now....Bart had beat him to the punch and by the looks of it, you seemed pretty interested in him too.

Tim wasn’t one to get insecure about himself rather quickly but seeing someone he had grown to like over the course of the last few months, he felt that small bit of insecurity rise up.

Saturday morning at the lair was busier than usual. since Gar hadn’t acquired a date for tonight, between him and a few others, they offered to take patrol for the night. you were feeling nervous bubbles in your stomach. you had never gone on a date before and while you had never saw Bart as anything but a brother, maybe the dinner could change it.

you ironed out the forest green dress and hung it in your designated room closet. while you were trying on a few heels Wonder Woman had bought you, you heard a knock on your door before seeing Megan walk in with a solemn look on her face.

“hey Megan!” you exclaimed happily. she gave you a tight lipped smile, “Bart’s on the phone. he needs to tell you something,” she murmured, handing the phone over to you.

you grabbed it, hearing the hacking cough coming from the other end of the phone. you instantly sighed knowing exactly why Bart had called you. he wasn’t going to be able to make it to the dinner. he had caught the bug that Jaime had a few days before and wasn’t able to get out of bed.

“I told you not to hang out with him Thursday night,” you threatened, clutching your heel in your hand, “but did you listen? no you did not. now I have dress that won’t be worn because the IDIOT who had offered to be my date was irresponsible,” you exclaimed.

Bart tried to makeup an apology but you practically waved it off, “have fun in bed you jerk!” you said before hanging up. Megan gave you a sad look, “you’re really not going tonight?” you sighed, shaking your shoulders, “you should! Wonder Girl, Robin, Blue Beetle, Nightwing, Superboy, and the rest of us are still going. you could always just tag along with one of us!” she offered.

you thanked her silently. you figured since Wonder Woman had already bought the dress for you, you couldn’t just let it go to waste. “sure, I’ll tag with Wonder Girl tonight,” you murmured, trying not to seem disappointed.

Megan gave you a quick hug before letting you go back to doing your makeup. Tim walked in with his suit in hand as Megan walked out of your room, “what’s going on?” he asked Nightwing. he looked to his brother, “Bart caught the bug Blue had a few days ago and can’t go to the dinner with ( your name ), he whispered.

Tim tried not to seem happy by what he had just found out but since Bart was sick and Gar was staying for patrol, he figured his stars must’ve aligned. the dinner was going to be happening in under an hour and all he was told to do was bring his suit so all of you could head out in one car.

“that must be upsetting for her,” Tim replied, seeing as Dick started to laugh, “some how I get the sense that you aren’t as upset as she is,” he said before walking away.

Tim didn’t say anything as he heard Dick tell him to get dressed within the next few minutes before all of you were late. as Tim went into the bathroom, he heard you call Cassie or Megan over to your room. he wondered what you needed but figured it wasn’t his place to head over if you didn’t call for him.

putting on the suit didn’t take as long as he thought. all he needed was help tying the tie and he went back out to the front of the lair. “she looks great, doesn’t she?” he heard Zatanna say to Megan, “I feel kinda bad for Bart. he really missed out,” she added on.

you walked out of your room as you struggled to walk with your heels on. Garfield, Tim, and even Nightwing were a bit taken back by how you looked. you had never been so dressed up before so they were in a bit of shock as you walked out with Cassie.

“wow,” Garfield whispered, “can I be your date tonight?” he said as you smacked him in the back of his head, “sorry Gar, you have patrol or else I would actually take you up on that,” you giggled before sitting down on the couch.

Tim almost instantly sat next to you as he gave you a smile, “you look....fantastic,” he mentioned. you looked at the ground, not trying to get caught with a flustered expression, “thanks Rob, it means a lot coming from you,” you said, not realizing what you were actually saying.

Dick smiled to himself as he watched the interaction. his heart warmed up at the sight of the two of you. he knew Tim took himself a bit too seriously sometimes so seeing you break that harsh exterior made him happy. Tim needed to loosen up and maybe you would be the one to do that for him. hell, Tim trusted you with his life and that was not something he said often.

after all of you arrived to the dinner and thanked everyone who coordinated the event, all of you sat down at separate tables to eat. you had asked for a two seat table since you figured that Bart was going to join you but now, you realized that you’d probably be eating alone on the balcony.

just as you handed your jacket to the hostess, you saw Robin walking your way, “mind if I sit with you?” he asked nervously. you perked up, “of course! you sure you don’t wanna sit with Nightwing or even Blue?” you asked. Tim shook his head no, “I’d prefer if I sat with you,” he tried to say without a blush covering his face.

he pulled your chair out, making sure you were already seated before pushing you back in. Tim sat across from you, giving you a smile before looking to the hostess who was making her way over to the two of you again.

the night had went relatively quickly. that semi-awkward tension between the two of you quickly disappeared as both of you got comfortable around each other.

Robin, underneath that shell of his was a pretty funny guy. he would tell a joke that would have you crying from laughter for at least a few minutes and while the hostess that was attending the two of you had mentioned that it was getting a bit more cold and the two of you should just head in, neither you or Robin made the move to actually go inside.

the two of you were sitting down on cushioned lawn chairs, talking about a failed mission the two of you had went on a few months ago that made Bart lose his eyebrows due to an explosion.

“I swear, it was the funniest thing ever,” you said through giggles, “you really should have been on our team.” Tim sighed contently as he watched you run your hand through your hair, “hey, can I ask you something?” he asked suddenly.

you nodded, a bit nervous on why he changed his mood all of a sudden, “do you have a thing with Bart?” he asked. you were taken back, not knowing that this would be the question, “uh, no? we’re just friends. I know we were supposed to be each others dates but I think he really only asked me because of his little competition with Garfield,” you murmured, “why do you ask?”

the two of you had been leaning up against the rail of the balcony as you had taken Tim’s jacket earlier in the night and wrapped it around yourself.

“I was wondering...if after this dinner.....you’d be interested in going out on another date with me?”

you stayed silent for a moment, not knowing what to respond with.

“with me? really? I never thought of Mr.Perfect asking me out on a date,” you replied, trying not to make it too awkward, “I don’t think you’re any different than I am. I’ve liked you for a while now and have been wondering if you felt the same.”

you let out a sigh, “of course. I’d love too. I’m just not sure what you see in me is all,” you responded with. Tim grabbed your hand and held it, “you’re amazing. whether it’s on the field and kicking someone’s ass or just lounging around the lair with Gar and Bart. if I was your boyfriend, I’d pepper you with kisses and gifts and spoil you so bad,” he confessed.

you stayed silent, not knowing how to reply. you had never taken Tim as the romantic type and was not expecting that kind of confession.

Tim leaned in and placed the smallest kiss on your lips as he put his forehead on yours after he pulled away. you smiled, putting your hand on his cheek and brushing your thumb against it, “that means I should probably tell you who I really am,” Tim murmured, taking off his domino mask.

“I’m Tim, Tim Drake.”

“ ( your name ).”

#dc #DC imagines #dc imagine #dc x reader #DC comics #Tim Drake #tim drake imagine #Tim Drake x Y/n #tim drake x reader #red robin x reader #Red Robin #robin x reader #Bat Family #Bat Fam

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jolapeno · 3 years

Text

Stood Up + Salads

Diego Hargreeves x Fem!Reader Words: 1.5k AN: Set with a S1 Diego but not S1 or S2 storyline. For a friend, you know who you are.

He didn’t need to look up when the door goes, he knows it’s you. Because when it rains, it pours.

Diego wonders if he should be more upset about his father, rather than being upset he’s had to see the others. Only for him to take his frustration out on you, consciously or not.

The fact you allow the door to meet the frame with such a loud thud is enough of a signal to him that you’re pissed.

Diego takes a second, thinking of his next steps as he swipes his tongue over his teeth, staring at the punching bag, as if it’s going to provide any answers on what he should do. How he could get out of this. Because if he plays this wrong, which he will, it’s going to spiral. Becoming so much worse than it already is.

A whole lot fucking worse.

And it’s already bad.

Hitting the bag once, twice and then thrice, he pays attention to your footsteps nearing. Not turning, not needing to see if your arms are folded, lips pursed and giving him one of you signature dead expressions. He knows you will be, because Diego fucking knows you and you know him.

And he hates it.

He despises that you know about his tick. About his family. About his upbringing, talent and everything else in between. He hates that you suggested calling off the meal before he did, and he hates himself for agreeing to go even if he knew he wouldn’t attend.

Because he’s decided he hates being happy.

He likes being miserable, likes fighting petty crime without anyone to come home to.

“Asshole.”

Rolling his head, he casts his eyes over you. Finding you exactly as he’s imagined. The only—slight—difference is the look in your eyes.

Sadness. A look which doesn’t suit you. One which stands out to him, because he’s seen it so rarely.

It swirls in your eyes, mixing with your usual shade, darkening them as they pin him to his spot. Or try to.

Letting his hands fall to his sides, he lets out a sigh before he can help himself. And the glare you send him is enough to force him to turn to face you.

When it comes to you, he isn’t sure if he hates how close you are to him physically or metaphorically; not sure if he dislikes it more that he wants to kiss you or let you love him.

“Hello to you too.”

Your lips twitch into a smirk. “You don’t deserve a hello.”

“Touché.”

“Surprised you know that word.”

“Under all this, I’m clever y’know?”

“Are you?” you snap, and you roll your lips together.

Those painted plump lips that’s kissed every inch of him. That he’s woke up dreaming about and gone to sleep pressed against.

“You’re angry—“

“Oh, I’m past angry, Hargreeves,” you says, tapping your foot on the gym floor. “I was angry when I was on my second glass, wondering where you were. I was fuming when I left, embarrassed and ready to hunt you down. Now, now I’m almost murderous.”

He hasn’t been called his surname in sometime. Hasn’t found himself in hot waters, with you at least, in sometime. Even angry, he feels your eyes rake down his frame, following a bead of sweat which falls from his neck down his chest and stomach.

Pulling the gloves undone with his teeth, snaps your eyes back up. And he finds himself smirking at you and his own foolishness simultaneously.

Because deep down he’s known this day would come, where you—like most—tired of him. Finding yourself irritated with his ways, of his selfishness and his impulsiveness.

“Let me have it then.”

He throws the gloves to the floor, shifting his weight as he notices the slight narrowing of your eyes. The way your lips twitch, whether a smirk or a smile, he can’t be sure. Usually, there’s less talking when you’re like this; usually you’re already pinned under him or against something. Now, you don’t even look at him like you’d welcome that.

Diego hates you for that too.

Despises that you have gotten under his skin, throwing him off his game. He’s dated. Well, since Patch they’ve not been constant. Real or permanent.

But you, you got to him. He still doesn’t even know how.

You don’t bend as easily, don’t surrender as you should. You fight him, sometimes tooth and fucking nail, and fuck, he doesn’t hate that about you. He loves that. He loves it when you steal the wind from his sail; when you cut him down. You don’t pander to him, you call him out, and he needs that even if he can’t admit it.

He even doesn’t mind that you sooth the insecurity, recognising when enough is enough. Halting anything before it goes too far, leaves too many wounds. You make him want to try to be a little better, even if he fails most days.

“No.”

“No?”

You snort. “No. Because if I rip you a new one, you’ll find some way to say sorry. And, then you’ll kiss me, and I’ll melt, and then you will forget that you’re an asshole.”

“I don’t think I’ll ever forget that.”

Your jaw tenses, almost impossibly so. “For someone in your position, you have a lot of snark.”

“Be careful, you may hurt my feelings.”

Nodding, your lips twist before straightening to an unreadable expression again. “Oh, don’t worry. I’m done.”

His muscles relax.

And his heart stops.

Yet Diego is somehow, not as surprised as he should have been.

Even if he looks at you, staring at your eyes and hoping to see a tease, a jest. He looks hoping you will change your mind, that he hasn’t successfully pushed another person away.

“Took you long en—“

“Im done talking,” you continue, cutting him off. Taking closer steps, slow ones, full of purpose as you dig your eyes into him. “I’m not gonna ask you to do right by me, I’m not gonna ask for an explanation why you decided to stand me up tonight. Hey, you don’t even have to talk to me.”

His forehead creases, flicking his eyes from your eyes to your mouth.

“Because I know why. You want me without the commitment, without the expectations of being a good person. You want a hole to fuck, so here I am, Hargreeves. You’ve got one.”

Fuck.

He stifles a sigh, especially as your finger press into his chest, nail digging down into the skin as you roll your lips and then he has to focus on not groaning. Especially when you bat your eyes lashes and smirk so condescendingly he wonders if you’ve been sent to test him.

“You want to pretend you don’t crave normal, that you don’t deserve it,” you continue, looking up at him, “I’ll play pretend. Hey, I’ll become the best damn actor in your movie you’ll ever know. But, I’m done talking.”

You place your other hand on his, moving his to your hip as you smirk.

“So, lights camera action, baby. Where do you wanna fuck me first?”

He feels your lips ghost over his. His hand clenching around your hip. Everything inside of him telling to just go with it, to not talk, to not burst open in front of you.

To kiss you.

To throw you down on the mats and not talk for hours.

“I-I’m s-sorry.”

“No. No you’re not,” you says, full of sadness, your expression not changing to match your tone. “If you were, you’d have come to dinner. You’d have stabbed your fork into the salad before I’d have told you I want street food.”

You didn’t move, and neither does he. Your hand spreading over his chest, his hand still on your hip.

“You don’t let yourself enjoy anything, because what? Your dad was an asshole and your brother went to the moon?” You ask, head tilted. “Diego, I don’t give a shit if you’re number two, you’re number one for me. But you have to try. You have to try at least ten percent otherwise it’s just me, forcing you to be with me.”

He never feels forced. Not with you.

You’re sometimes the only thing which is good. Which isn’t fucked, tainted or ruined. You’re good, if not a bit too sweary and a bit too good at drinking. But, you’re… nice, and unwilling to let him settle.

“You’re m-my number o-one too.”

“Cool.”

“I mean i-it.”

“Nice.”

“Baby, c'mon?”

You sigh. “What, Diego?”

Diego. He’s Diego again.

He doesn’t smile, even if he wants too.

He doesn’t kiss you, even if he’s fighting every part of himself.

He just stares, using his other hand to cup your cheek. “I am sorry.”

“Salad at a fancy place too good for you?”

He smirked. “Yeah, kinda.”

“Good. Because it’s too fancy for me too.”

“So why we’re we even fucking going, baby?”

“Because,” you say, defiance in your tone, “it’s what normal people do. They don’t meet over a bad game of darts and several beers, and fuck on a boxing ring. They don’t fight a literal mugger with trained assassin-level knife skills a month after beginning to sleep together.”

Your shoulders sink, your expression softening. “They date, at restaurants who charge too much and hold hands across parks. And for a second, one tiny fucking moment, I wanted that for you. I wanted normal, meet-cute type romance before we grabbed whatever was in a cart and we fucked on my new sideboard.”

His thumb brushed over your cheek. “I’d have liked that.”

“You’d have loved that. But—“

“I’m sorry,” he says again, softer, more meaningful, “I’m s-s-sorry. I really am.”

“I’m still mad.”

“That’s okay.”

“You owe me a fancy salad.”

Smirking, he nods. “Baby, I’ll give you a salad bar if you want it.”

“I don’t like salad.”

“No?”

“No.”

Smirking, he cups your cheek with more purpose. “What do you want then, baby?”

He watches your eyes darken. "Oh."

"Oh, indeed. You have a lot of making up to do.”

#diego hargreeves x y/n #diego hargreeves x you #diego hargreeves x reader #diego hargreeves #diego #diego tua #tua ff #tua fanfic #tua diego #diego x reader #diego x you #tua diego x reader #tua diego fanfic

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airi-p4 · 3 years

Note

Honestly I am not too pleased with Luka and Marinette becoming "just friends" when Marinette was romantically interested in Luka in Frozer and Silencer. I know I should be happy they are on better terms than Adrien and Kagami but it feels like the writers made Marinette out as a lousy person who used Luka as a rebound and Luka is a sad boy pining over a girl who never loved him. And since Luka is going to show up more I am afraid of what's to come next...That I will wake up one day find out...Either Luka is treated like a hypocrite for keeping a secret, Luka becomes a villain in a last ditch attempt to kill lukanette and make Adrien out as a better match for Marinette, or I wake up and find Luka and Zoe kissing in gif from. I am not watching this show...I am letting everyone else tell me what happens but I am not interested in leaving the lukanette fandom and I am inevitably going to bump into spoilers since not all of us quit the show.

You know, Emiko? It’s called: inconsistent writing. And I hate it too.

Marinette said herself she liked and fell in love with Luka, both in ‘Truth’ and ‘gang of secrets’, and then, the show acts like she never did bc it’s convenient for the plot (with ‘plot’ I mean the love square). Plus, with Luka finding out, there’s no other way to keep them apart other than FORCE it. So yeah, horribly handled, especially after all the Lukanette and Adrigami development in S2 and S3, has turned out to be POINTLESS despite of how refreshing it felt compared to the LS (a massive waste of potential, IMO)

BUT-

‘Best friends’

As I’m not entirely satisfied with it (ngl), it still brings us hope for Lukanette scenes. And those scenes may be NICE to fix in fanon (best friends to lovers!!). That’s all we should focus on for now. Because Lukanette was never going to be endgame anyway and I’m QUITE SURE they’re going to make Luka act OOC soon, and that’s when I’ll flip tables (and probably stop watching the show for good except for Luka gifs bc I’m starving for Luka content)

Anyway: even if you don’t watch the show anymore and only get spoilers you may not want to know about, think of ‘the show’ as guidelines that can be fixed. And embrace fanon’s fix-its and AUs. At least, that’s how I’m going to watch the show from now on: take the crumbs, skip the uncomfortable bits (if possible), pretend the parts you don’t like /agree with never happened (Bless canon-divergence and AU tags) and give fanon all attention.

'The canon show’ has failed us, but fanon won’t.

We have so many talented people on our side that it’s impossible not to get good fanon content. I 100% trust my Lukanette friends and family because they never disappoint 💙

And all this may be personal, Emiko, clearly my POV (and I may be changing my mind anytime as soon as they screw Luka’s character) but, imo: Canon is whatever your heart wants it to be. My HC are canon in my head. I believe in them so strongly I sometimes even forget ‘other people’s canon is actually that show that’s not enjoyable anymore’. What’s important is to enjoy the content. And if ‘the show’ doesn’t work for you anymore, then there’s no need on wasting your time with it. There’s nothing wrong in that. It’s ok to keep loving what you love in any way you prefer 💙

(But think about the BEST FRIENDS TO LOVERS POSSIBILITiES we can work in fanon!! Bc obviously, we know better, and we know Marinette is in love with Luka but she’s just in denial bc everyone and *destiny* forces and pushes her towards Adrien. How many good stories can come out of this? BEAUTIFUL) OK- I shut up now sorry this turned out super long XD And to finish, as I always say...

SCREW CANON, EMBRACE FANON

Your feelings are totally VALID, Emiko. I hope I helped you feel a little better? Stay strong because we’re here to support each other! 💙💙💙

#airi answers #airi rambles #airi rants #long post #I hope I answered??#sorry this turned out super long #I've developed tough skin with this show #I'm totally unattached except for the parts I like #the rest doesn't exist in my head #and I'm happy like this #content is to be enjoyed and I CHOOSE how to enjoy it #ml salt #ml s4 spoilers

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smhalltheurlsaretaken · 4 years

Note

I wonder at what age can a Jedi be allowed to leave the Order? Like, obviously a full grown Knight/Master can do it (Lost Twenty), Obi-Wan and Anakin were considering it as Padawans, but what if, hypothetically, and Initiate/Youngling wanted to go back to their bio family? Leaving is not a decision to be made lightly, but kids don't have that maturity/thought process developed yet. Would anyone even take them seriously over, say, a bout of intense homesickness? Or is that considered attachment?

I think it would depend from case to case. We don’t have all that much to go on from, but I’ll try my best to answer.

I’m not taking into account the JA books (because they aren’t canon, haven’t been canon in ages and imo Watson and Wolverton had no business creating so much worldbuilding when Lucas wasn’t done with the PT yet) or any other Legends stuff, because it can be contradictory, confusing, and it often doesn’t reflect creator intent for the movies and TCW.

So, let’s see: Ahsoka’s choice is respected even though she’s only 16 or 17, with s7 and the unreleased crystal arc really emphasizing that it was her decision as a young adult trying to find her way. In s2, Obi-Wan states that he would have left the Order for Satine had she asked, when he was only about 16 at the end of the Mandalore mission. Maybe he would have had to wait a few years? Maybe the Masters would have first talked with him for some time, to try and understand if it was really what he wanted? But he would have been able to leave. In s6, when he talks with Anakin about Padmé and Clovis, he says again that acting upon one’s feelings is a matter of personal decision, so it’s not like he and Satine couldn’t be together because he was forced to stay. He says he chose to stay.

So clearly, Jedi teenagers are considered mature enough by the Order to understand what they want in life.

As for the Younglings, hmm... Several key things here.

One, the Order doesn’t disapprove of wanting to connect to one’s birth culture. (Evidenced by the very diverse clothing, Barriss’ Mirialan prayer statue, Ahsoka and Shaak Ti’s headdresses, this long post on Jedi views on blood families, Byph and Gungi speaking only their native languages instead of Basic, etc etc...) So I think Jedi kids experiencing serious homesickness would be encouraged to connect with their heritage to try and understand if it’s really what they are looking for.

Two, it’s implied that even little children have some say in whether or not they become Jedi in the first place. When Plo finds Ahsoka, we see him holding out his hand and waiting for her to take it while the Togruta adults stay back. They don’t just drop her into his arms and wave bye-bye. The Rodian child in the Holocron Arc in s2 is shown to be super precocious - super eagerly floating toys around when Anakin himself didn’t display fine telekinesis when he was untrained - and he is in a transitory period. His mother has met with Jedi before, but says he’s still in her care “for some time.” That might indicate there’s still time for a change of plans. In the newest Mandalorian episode, Ahsoka tells Din that Grogu will be the one to decide his path, even though he’s a toddler. Similarly, Qui-Gon asks both Shmi and Anakin before taking him to the Temple.

Three, we have no idea if there is such a thing as “being a minor” in the Galaxy, tbh. It would vary between species, obviously, and probably between planets. I mean, Padmé was Queen at 14, and her handmaidens/bodyguards were her age. Leia was involved in politics at 15. Jedi Padawans were considered mature enough to teach academic subjects - like politics - to kids older than they were (see Ahsoka being asked to teach older Mandalorian teenagers at age 14) and mature enough to be Commanders within a very strict chain of command.

From what we see in AotC and TCW, it’s never in line with Jedi teachings to just dismiss any kid’s thought process as “too immature.” Yoda values the little children’s contributions in AotC, and in Lightsaber Lost (TCW s2) Jocasta and Tera Sinube respect Ahsoka’s decision not to go to Anakin about her lightsaber - and they help her figure it out by herself and grow. And while Aayla forces her to come along and leave Anakin behind in Jedi Crash (TCW s2) she does take the time to explain to her why it’s important, Ahsoka does choose to obey, and they do have a very serious talk about it as they walk. Luminara does dismiss Ahsoka as inexperienced in s1ep9, before fighting Ventress, and then takes it back and apologizes. Obi-Wan frequently asks Anakin and Ahsoka their opinion, and even lets them make the plans. In Yoda’s vision meant to tempt him with his deepest desire, he sees Katooni (who is like 11, maybe?) as his guiding figure. Younglings go alone in the caves of Ilum and Yoda trusts them to understand that his warning about being trapped was just a trick - he doesn’t want them to take everything he says as gospel, he wants them to think, and he praises 12-year-old Petro for just breaking the ice door. Throughout canon, we see that Jedi see children as people, with a mind of their own and the ability to understand what’s going on around them and make informed decisions.

Based on all of that, I think that younglings wanting to leave would be taken seriously. I think it would be extraordinarily rare (because as I’ll show once I finally manage to finish that analysis of the Ilum arc, Jedi kids appear to love their lifestyle and their community, and to be emotionally healthy), but it might happen - and I think the Masters would really take the time to talk with them, try to understand why, and provide them with solutions - and possibly help them return to their birth families, if that’s what they decided in the end.

About the attachment thing, I have another meta in the works that’s been sitting in my drafts for months x) And it shows that the Jedi aren’t paranoid about it, merely cautious. Attachment (which is very different from love or healthy connections to other people and/or a culture) is a very really danger for psychic people so vulnerable to their emotions, but Jedi don’t spend their days scrutinizing every single aspects of their relationships and their intentions trying to determine if there’s even the faintest shadow of attachment lurking behind. It’s not some frightening taboo thing. They discuss it freely (again, Aayla and Ahsoka in s2). If a kid was attached to his birth family and wanted to go back, then all the more reason to seriously consider his opinion and let him go. (Just like with Grogu and Din). Because the path of a Jedi isn’t for everyone, and that’s perfectly okay.

Anyway, hope that’s good enough of an answer. I know there are older asks in my inbox I haven’t answered yet, sorry. I promise I’m working on them.

#ask #meta #my meta #sw talk #jedi order #jedi younglings #anonymous

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cheri-translates · 3 years

Note

Hello! Just wanted to say thank you for all the translation of MLQC content (especially Gavin). I fell into a deep hole of MLQC by binging your translation. Just wondering what’s your perspective or analysis on the dynamic/relationship between S2 Gavin and mc. Are they friends just working together but obviously there’s something between them? Since S2 where they’re more mature and on the same wavelength

Hello Anon~ May you enjoy your stay in the deep and cosy hole of MLQC ヽ(・∀・)ﾉ

🍒 S2 spoilers under the cut 🍒

Short answer: As of Ch 17, I’d describe their relationship as old friends who have complete trust in each other, and will protect each other with their lives. Also, Gavin has a crush on her.

Long answer:

1. Old Friends and Gavin’s crush

It’s strongly hinted that Gavin has feelings for MC, both as a teenager and as an adult!

While MC gets flustered by him (e.g. shooting game in Ch 9) and cares deeply for him, I’d say that the crush is more one-sided on Gavin’s part.

Papergames wouldn’t want to step on any toes by making it seem as though MC is inclined towards a particular love interest unless it’s in a split chapter or a date!

In Throbbing Date, baby Gavin secretly bought her strawberry milk and said he'd protect her 🥺 THIS BOY DEFINITELY HAD A CRUSH AS A TEENAGER.

Despite how the writers tried to mislead us multiple times from the karmas that adult Gavin and MC are adversaries given their respective organisations, it’s crystal clear that Gavin doesn’t view her as one. Amongst other things, he:

gave her a ginkgo bracelet in Ch 1

was open to letting her listen in on his call in Ch 2

asked her for assistance in an interrogation in Ch 9

said he’d always protect her in Ch 9

unconsciously drifted to her house at one of his lowest points in Ch 11

gave MC his oxygen concentrator in Ch 16

was only vulnerable around her in Ch 16

The question here is whether he’s treating her simply an old friend or if he likes her romantically.

I’ve done an analysis on their early dynamics here which describes how Gavin has a soft spot for MC even when he appears guarded. When we see their banter in [R&S - Reunited Yesterday], he seems to treat her more like an old friend.

But we later on, it’s evident that Gavin’s feelings do extend beyond mere friendship.

In Chapter 2, Gavin prohibited Tang Chao from making physical contact with MC.

In STF Filming Project, Gavin was visibly jealous when MC mentioned “a very kind person” i.e. S1 Gavin.

In Chapter 9, Gavin went into blush mode just because they shared his jacket underneath the rain.

In Chapter 11, MC asked why Gavin chose her to work with him in such a dangerous operation. Gavin hinted that it was because the people keeping an eye on him knew how important she is to him:

Gavin: Cough. Under these circumstances, the person I’d want to involve least in this matter… Without a doubt, that person would definitely be you.

2. Complete trust in each other

Gavin’s trust in MC can be seen in most of the bullet points stated above.

As for MC’s trust in Gavin, she:

was relieved that Gavin was handling the investigation of Kiro’s incident in Ch 2

was not fearful at all when they were surrounded by flames in Ch 2

expressed how much she trusted him in the rain in Ch 11

let herself fall off a rooftop, knowing he’d catch her in time at the end of Ch 11

3. They protect each other

There are so many instances of them protecting each other in Season 2!

Notable Instance 1: Throbbing Date

I let out a faint sigh, slanting my umbrella towards the kitten next to me.

And then:

A shadow suddenly cloaks me from above. When I lift my head in shock, a large and warm school jacket covers me, including my head.

This scene is especially significant if we contrast this with the way they met in S1. Back then, MC covered the kitten with a handkerchief.

Just as an umbrella is more durable than a handkerchief, MC is more courageous in S2 as compared to S1. Even so, Gavin still steps in anyway, protecting her with whatever he has to offer.

Notable Instance 2: Chapter 9

But the jacket doesn’t seem to be large enough, and isn’t sufficient for two people to walk while standing side by side. After a moment of thinking, I stagger slightly, standing in front of Gavin.

Here, Gavin’s jacket isn’t enough to cover the both of them.

Symbolically speaking, Gavin’s methods of protecting MC aren’t always enough for the both of them. In S1, he lost control of his Evol and he had no choice but to leave her side for a period of time.

While S2 Gavin cleared MC’s name from false allegations multiple times, he didn’t even know that MC was involved in the Hunter Game till in later chapters.

So what does MC do? She stands in front of him, which is a protective stance. She works on being stronger herself, and strong enough to protect him.

As we see in later instances, they do protect each other.

Notable Instance 3: Chapter 9

Gavin: When it rains, you should keep the umbrella for yourself.

Here, Gavin is discouraging MC from getting involved in dangerous situations. As far as possible, she should protect herself first. Let’s compare this with Chapter 11.

Notable Instance 4: Chapter 11

I walk over slowly, lifting the transparent umbrella over our heads. Rainwater patters against the surface of the umbrella, becoming the only sound in this silence.

And later on:

Gavin takes the umbrella in my hand, his eyes carrying with them resoluteness and certainty.

Gavin’s a Commander who has been through field training under intense conditions. He doesn’t need an umbrella. Furthermore, the rain had already drenched him to the bone.

In such a sorry state, there was absolutely no need for him to accept MC’s umbrella. Yet, he did.

Symbolically speaking, the acceptance of MC’s umbrella represents his acceptance of her protection. This was likely the moment when he decided to involve her in his investigations of the New Years Eve Incident.

The remaining two notable instances are self-explanatory:

Notable Instance 5: Shooting Stars Date

Gavin: Don’t worry. Since I agreed to let you come along, I have sufficient certainty that I can protect you. You won’t face any accidents.

MC: ...

Before I can say anything, the controlled “meteorites” plummet straight to the ground. I seem to hear the piercing sounds caused by the intense friction.

Gavin: Give me your hand.

Gavin offers me his hand. I stare into the depths of his eyes, neither anxiousness nor worry in my heart. There’s a courage from simply standing beside him.

MC: Okay. In that case, I’ll bind my safety to Captain Gavin. I won’t let you come to any harm either.

Notable Instance 6: The oxygen incident in Chapter 16

Just before the final wisp of oxygen leaves my chest, I halt my breathing, feeling for the portable oxygen concentrator I carried along with me.

…at the very least, Gavin has to leave this place safely.

In the dark waters, I try my best to feel for the corners of Gavin’s mouth, stuffing the portable oxygen concentrator into it.

All of a sudden, I feel the corners of my mouth being pried open by something icy cold.

MC: Mmph?!

I take a breath instinctively, but don’t get choked.

When I open my eyes, Gavin’s frantic expression crashes into my line of sight. The tips of his fingers press against my lips, and he seems to be confirming if I’m biting on the object in my mouth properly.

In the dim light, I see that the portable oxygen concentrators in our hands are on each others’ mouths.

#teatime with cheri

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floralovebot · 3 years

Note

I really liked your aisha meta about her bonding and i was wondering what you think is her biggest weakness? And the other characters too if that's okay. Thank you:)

Oh thank you!! Hmm I had to think about this one for a second but I'll try to give you some good answers! Though to be fair, I think most of what I listed are things that have already been said aljdhgjladg

I do want to note, I think all of the major characters had room for growth and self-development especially within the first three seasons. We all know that characterization made a huge nose dive after season 4, so I'm not really going to be talking about the later seasons as they aren't super representative of their personalities (however, i will occasionally mention them for certain characters). \

Anyway, onto our beloved characters mental issues and why they should all be in therapy <3

The Winx

Bloom: I think Bloom is actually a very well rounded main character! She has positives and negatives and those don't often conflate with each other (and I think most of her "too perfect" characterization comes from later seasons). Because of that, I had a hard time thinking about what her biggest weakness is because,, she has a few. However, I think something that stays very consistent throughout the series is her escapism. Bloom is a major escapist, especially when she's feeling unworthy. She has a lot on her plate! And a lot of people rely on her, which naturally can lead to some pretty heavy thoughts ("Am I doing the right thing?" "Do I deserve to be the leader?" "What if they're safer without me?"), however those feelings, when they become too much, often leave her feeling like people are truly better off without her. Then she runs off to Gardenia or she shuts people out or she takes on some dangerous mission just to get away from people. Her escapism often leaves everyone, including her, feeling shitty and it would've been nice to see her grow from that.

Stella: Hmmm, so again most of the early characterization gave the characters a couple of weaknesses so I had a hard time thinking of what Stella's biggest one would be. However, something that I've always noticed about Stella that's always made me feel bad, is her extreme I Need To Fit In Or No One Will Love Me attitude. And obviously that goes into her childhood and upbringing, but it's something that stays with her even after meeting the Winx and having all those You're Perfect The Way You Are talks with Bloom. She often changes her personality/attitude/emotions to fit what she thinks other people will like most. But that heavily goes into her insecurities of thinking people only like her because she's pretty or a princess. Stella's a smart girl and she notices how people respond to what she's doing. But when she's changing something about herself to get others to like her and they respond positively to it? That's horrible for her overall self-esteem and to her just confirms her fears that people don't love her for her true self.

Edit: I absolutely don't want to come off as if I'm saying Stella's personality is fake! Here's a further explanation for hers!

Flora: I think some people might disagree with me on this one, but I genuinely believe Flora's biggest weakness is how often she rushes into something. On one hand, it's admirable and shows how strong she is, but on the other hand, it says a lot about how she lets her emotions run her and often doesn't think things through when someone she loves is in danger or she thinks she needs to do something Right Now. Unless someone else prompts it, Flora often doesn't plan or try to think things through rationally. I don't think it's a bad thing to be in tune with your emotions, but it can become a weakness when you only ever think with your heart and what it's feeling at That Moment In Time. Instead of trying to think rationally or make a plan, Flora often just follows her heart immediately, but that can be a bad thing when her heart is hurting and she's not thinking clearly.

Aisha: It's definitely her attitude of needing to appear emotionally strong all the time. Aisha gives more of herself than she receives from others and a lot of that comes from her need to be seen as Reliable and Good. However, that often means she doesn't get the time to sit with how she's feeling or she pushes her emotions down. She doesn't want people to know that she's feeling upset because she doesn't want people to feel bad for her or use their energy to comfort her. Aisha is definitely a "other people have it worse so what happened to me doesn't matter" kind of person and that's often what hurts her the most. She doesn't let herself be vulnerable and often only does so when she truly can't handle it by herself anymore. And I think this heavily goes into her childhood and how she's had to be independent from a very young age. Aisha doesn't know how to let other people in.

Tecna: Hmmm, on one hand I'd like to say it's her internal battle with her logical side vs her emotional side,, so I'm going to. Personally, I think Tecna is a lot better at emotions than she gives herself credit for, and I think that's her biggest weakness. She doesn't give herself any credit when it's something that doesn't come naturally to her. Tecna had to work on being more emotive and reading other people's emotions correctly and by S2 she's already doing so much better than she was, but she refuses to recognize that. Tecna is so stuck in the "what if i'm too logical/not emotional enough and my friends hate me because of it" headspace that she doesn't even see the progess she has made. Honestly, Tecna being too logical/not emotional enough hasn't been a real issue for years and she doesn't even realize that. It's a little ironic actually, she's so caught up in her emotions about being too logical she can't see how far she's come.

Musa: Her trust issues. Personally, I think Musa's biggest weakness is her problem with trusting people. Because she just.. doesn't. Musa has a really hard time letting people in (for rightful reasons) but she once she does let them in, she has a hard time trusting them too. This is most obvious with her relationship with Riven, but it also comes out with the Winx! She's constantly scared that people are going to leave her or that they don't really like her or that they do like her but she's going to end up driving them away and all of that negatively impacts her relationship with others. She just,, doesn't trust people and has an even harder time trusting herself. I think if Musa had been allowed to truly work through that, she would be much happier.

The Specialists

Sky: I think Sky's biggest weakness is pretty obvious! It's that he does not know how to interact with people. I think I'm one of the few people that doesn't actually hate Sky. I hate that, just like the other characters, he had room for improvement and self-realization, which got scrapped almost instantly for Perfect Prince Sky. Sky, like most of the other royal characters, grew up pretty lonely (and his parents are abslute shit). The only other people he would ever talk to are members of his family, other royals, or people who weren't royal but were close enough to it (ie Brandon and even Diaspro depending on which canon you go by). Because of this, Sky has a really hard time interacting with people in a casual setting. He's great in royal settings and all their missions, but that's because he's allowed to and supposed to act all serious and Business Like. When it comes to talking to people in casual settings, he often fails because he doesn't understand "normal" people and he's never been allowed to just,, sort through his own feelings. It would've been amazing to Sky grow from this, because even in the first season you see hints of Sky rejecting royalty and wanting to be normal. MAN I wish Sky got proper characterization, he would've been so much better if he did.

Brandon: Oh man,, I had a really hard time with this one, because Brandon honestly doesn't have a lot of weaknesses? I think something that could be considered a weakness is that,, he's very devoted once he decides he cares about someone. Which isn't bad! But it often puts him in dangerous situations because he wants to save someone. Like anytime Sky gets into trouble, Brandon is for sure right by his side. Or if someone messes with Stella? Brandon's there. And again, this definitely isn't a Bad Thing, but it can put his own life in danger. And in their line of work it often does. However, I do think this is mostly evened out because of Brandon's ability to call for help and think of a plan. He doesn't often just jump into things unless it's absolutely necessary. He's able to think things through clearly and strategize. Sorry anon but I honestly can't think of any Big Weakness for Brandon, because most of his weaknesses are evened out by some positive. (Like, I was going to say he's a bit of a pushover but,, is he? Then I thought well maybe it's because he's ready to die for Sky,, but like. That's his job? Idk man,, any Brandon stans wanna chime in please?)

Timmy: Hmmm I, once again, had some troubles with this one. Timmy has a few weaknesses, mostly in the insecurity region, but I had a hard time figuring out what his Biggest Weakness is. After some thought, I think it's his eagerness to prove himself, specifically when he doesn't need to. I think this definitely evened out in the later seasons once he got some confidence, but in the early seasons Timmy really wanted to prove himself. He wanted to prove that he was a good specialist, a good friend, a good partner,, just,, everything. He was really set out to prove that he was capable of things. This often put him in dangerous situations that he couldn't handle or something he could handle but was too nervous to. It didn't help that in early seasons some of the other characters doubted his abilities (cough tecna cough). But again, I think this really evened out by S4 and it's not a big problem anymore.

Riven: Ugh goodness where to start.. I think Riven's biggest weakness is actually a mix of Musa's and Timmy's. Riven has a hard time trusting people, especially himself, and he's constantly trying to prove himself. He wants to be seen as reliable and Good and that's where a lot of his competition with other characters, mostly Sky, comes in. But that heavily mixes with his distrust and hatred toward himself. I think most of his Trying To Prove Himself is actually him trying to prove something to himself. He's constantly looking down on himself and that need to prove and be better than other people is a product of that. And I think that's also why he has problems with letting people in. Obviously, he has some general trust issues, with wondering if people just don't like him and what not, but a lot of it is not trusting himself and not letting people get close to him because of that. Riven's biggest weakness is that he doesn't give himself any credit for the progress he's made and is constantly doubting whether or not he's a good person. And that messes with his relationships a lot because he thinks he's not good enough to be around people and that sparks his need to to prove himself. And even when his friends do try to comfort him or say he's enough, he doubts that too. Riven has a lot of problems but most of them go into how much he hates himself.

Helia: Well, as one of the resident Helia stans, I've thought about this a lot. And I've got to say, his biggest weakness is his complete inability to talk about himself. A lot of people think Helia is really good at talking about emotions, but that's only partially true. He's good at talking about other people's emotions. When it comes to himself,,, he's a mess. Helia is consistently really bad at sharing his feelings and even just general tidbits about his life (evidenced by all the times he does/says something and the others get surprised because they never knew that,, years into their friendship). However, this often strains his relationships with people because they end up thinking he hates them or doesn't trust them or something else. While I have my own issues with the later seasons, S5 did a really good job at focusing on this in the show (when it really only ever got hinted at or shown in the comics). The whole Flora/Helia/Krystal thing was a major product of Helia never sharing anything about his own life and Flora's insecurities over if she's good enough. With the mix of being able to talk to people about their feelings, but never his own, it creates this really awkward situation of people just like,, not knowing things about him and then doubting their relationship, but then not being confident enough to express that because Helia still talks to them about their feelings so he must care about them!! .. but does he? It's this internal struggle of he's obviously a friend but why doesn't he ever share anything about himself?? This is even shown in his relationship with Saladin, a literal family member!

I'm.. gonna stop here for now ajghaljdhglj I'm sorry this got so long! And that some of them were shorter than others..

#i did the specialists too because i wanted to talk about timmy and i would feel bad if i only included him #sorry this got so long but i hope you enjoy nonetheless #let me know your thoughts though! especially if you disagree! as long as youre not rude about it i love to hear what others think about thi #winx club #winx meta #answered #anonymous #i didnt proofread this sorry if theres mistakes ahgdljadg #mine.metas

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slimy-vore-bog · 3 years

Text

(Un)Necessary Evil

Disclaimer: all my work is meant to be non-sexual N/SF/W interaction is not appreciated

Okay, so a few warnings for this story... I try to go into the topic of the fear of death as deeply as I can. It could be way worse, but just as a warning, if you’re not ready to be reminded of death at the moment, give this story a skip.

For the more casual stuff that’s usually uncomfortable for safe vore people: this story contains mentions of hard and fatal vore, but none happen.

Oh, and as always; this is an Owl House fic.

Actually this is a rewrite of this old story that I didn’t post to tags called A Betrayal of Trust (But a Necessary Evil)

The two are very different and this is definitely a better story.

Anyway, I should probably just get onto the story... Oh wait, this story is set before s2 ep2 Escaping Expulsion. And obviously post that a lot of stuff will change, but I don’t feel like creating an entire canon divergent AU

Ao3

Word Count: 14k

***

I wonder why Amity wants to see me now… Luz stood in the market place, looking around for her friend. We’re going to meet up later anyway. She spotted the green haired witch in the distance, feeling a burst of excitement. I guess I don’t mind seeing her one more time before later today! She grinned, before she waved for her. “Hey Amity, there you were!”

Luz stopped herself, just as she was about to run towards her. Something seemed… off about her. She looked sad, as she stared back at Luz. “You are Amity, right?” Luz suddenly felt embarrassed. Please tell me I didn’t mistake some random person for Amity.

Luz didn’t know whether she should feel relieved or more worried, when her friend nodded.

Luz hesitated, before she decided to run up to her. “I almost thought you were somebody else!” She smiled brightly at her, but Amity didn’t look at her. “Um,” Luz felt a little awkward, “so, why’d you want to see me now, instead of later?”

Amity glanced up at her, before quickly looking down into her bag. “I wanted to give you something.” She fiddled around in it, seeming to get more miserable by the second. “It’s really important that you wear this later, okay?” Amity looked up into Luz’s eyes.

Luz felt a bit shocked by Amity’s seriousness about this. “Why? What do I have to wear?” Why would Amity force her to wear something? This is weird. She didn’t like feeling forced to do something.

Amity looked unsure, as she dropped the thing she was holding back in her bag. Her eyes flicked around, as she grabbed her own hand, nervously fidgeting with her fingers. “Well…” her eyes widened, as she grabbed the thing out of the bag. “Sorry, I focused on your first question!”

Luz watched, as she brought out a necklace with multiple yellow gemstones on it. “Woah!” Luz exclaimed, suddenly feeling like she had to study it closer. “Is it glowing?” The gemstones on it seemed to be giving off a dim yellow light from them. “What makes it glow? Is it a spell? Or are they magic rocks?” Luz brought her hand out to take it, before she remembered that wearing a mysterious glowing necklace sounded like a horrible idea. “But, wait, why do I have to wear it?”

Amity curled the chain around her fingers, glancing around again. “Well… uh…” she let it fall through her fingers down in her other hand, as her brow furrowed. “It’s…” she hesitated again, looking a bit more frustrated. “It’s just really important to me that you wear it, can’t you do it for me?” She held the necklace out to her.

Luz hesitated, “I don’t want to sound suspicious of you, but…” she trailed off unsurely. “It’s just…” She wrapped one of her hoodie strings around her finger. “Are you sure it’s safe? Where did you get it from?”

Amity looked even more frustrated. “I promise it’s safe, just take it already!”

She held it out to her, and Luz reluctantly took it out of her hands. “Sorry…” Luz opened the clasp, putting the necklace on, feeling a tiny jolt run through her body. Luz didn’t understand how she could feel it, or what she felt, but she was pretty sure it had to have a strong spell in it. Or Amity had a really weird and unsettling way of pranking. “I just don’t get why it’s so important.”

Amity looked away from her again. “I’m sorry too… I don’t want-” She quickly glanced over at Luz, before she turned around. “I’m just sorry…” She began walking away, before she turned to look back at Luz one more time. “See you later…”

Luz didn’t know what to do, “Uh, yeah! See you!” She lifted her hand to wave, but Amity had already turned around.

The glow of her necklace caught her attention, as she looked down to the ground. She picked up the biggest gemstone between her fingers. She had to admit; it was a pretty necklace. I wonder what makes it glow like that? She held it up to her face, watching it in awe. It’s really cool. She did a little jump out of excitement. And it wasn’t actually bad!

She suddenly felt even worse about her distrust of Amity. I’ll apologize to her again later today…

She let go of the necklace, as she turned to head back to the Owl House.

¨¨

Luz hated waiting; being patient wasn’t exactly her strong suit… But that didn’t change the fact that there were still a few hours until she could see Amity again, and she couldn’t come up with anything to do. Maybe I can talk to King for a bit? She was pretty sure she had seen him napping on the couch, but he might have woken up.

She went downstairs to check, but he hadn’t.

Luz thought about waking him up, just to make up for the times he had accidentally done it to her, whenever he unconsciously poked her with his sharp horn. But she decided that was a little too mean of her. She carefully sat down on the other side of the couch, resting her chin on her hand, tapping her foot against the floor.

I wonder where the others are? She looked around the living room, but there wasn’t anybody else in there. Strange, Lilith is normally in here… She was starting to feel a little too restless. I’ll go look around.

¨¨

She looked around the house, both inside and out, but she couldn’t find anybody anywhere. Well, except for Hooty, but she didn’t really feel like talking to him. Ever. She shook her head, not wanting to think about all the weird stuff she had seen him do, before she sat down on the couch again. Maybe King knows where they went?

She watched the tiny demon for a few moments, trying to decide if she should wake him up or not, before his fur bristled along his tail. “Stop staring at me, creep…” He mumbled, barely opening his eyes. “That’s the sixth time I’ve caught you doing that.” The look in his eyes told her that he definitely knew there were the times he hadn’t caught her.

Luz flushed in embarrassment. “It’s not my fault you’re so cute!” She shook her head. “But that’s not why I’m staring.” She pulled her legs up on the couch, as King stretched. “Did Eda and Lilith say where they were going? I haven’t seen them since I left to meet Amity.”

King yawned, before his eyes widened in surprise and he got up. “What’s that?” He pointed to Luz’s necklace. “When did you get that?”

Luz fidgeted with the necklace, as soon as he pointed it out. “Amity gave it to me.”

King reached for the necklace, but Luz pulled away. “I wanna see it!”

Luz didn’t want him to touch it. It’s mine; Amity gave it to me. “You don’t use your hands-” she cut herself off, before King even made a face, “-paws, to see.” Luz wasn’t sure it was as wide of a statement in the demon realm as it was back in her own, already King having paws was different, but that didn’t change that he specifically didn’t.

King scowled, before he sat back down and crossed his arms. “Some demons do, you know…”

Luz let go of her necklace. “Well you don’t…” She thought a little about seeing with paws and hands. I guess blind people do that in a way? “And some humans do too, but that’s a blind thing.” She shifted around, before remembering that this wasn’t what she wanted to talk about. “But, I still want to know if you know where Eda went?”

King moved a paw up to his snout, as he thought. “I’m not sure… I think she might have gone to the market to get something?” He shrugged, “she left some time after you did, anyway.” Before Luz could even ask, he answered her next question. “Lilith went with her, if you were going to ask.”

Luz nodded. “So we’re home alone?” she crossed her legs, looking over at the door. “Well, except for Hooty, but he is the house…” Luz stared over at the door, expecting him to butt in, but Hooty had been a lot better behaved, since Lilith and him had become friends. “So, is there anything you want to do?”

King’s tail wagged. “Let’s watch something together!” he jumped up on his legs. “Something violent! With lots of blood! I think I know just where we can watch something like that!” He was already running to get the crystal ball, before Luz could make another suggestion.

¨¨

Luz didn’t care all that much about what she and King were watching, but she liked that he was having fun. It looked like it was a monster movie of some kind, not as bloody or bad as she was scared it would be, but still a tiny bit more violent than she liked. It was at least not as weird as some of the other movies she had watched.

One time, she had seen a movie about some weird creatures that ate people, but they were really a struggling family that could only live by doing that. She had no clue if it had been some sort of parody, comedy horror or meant to be a serious heartwarming family story, but whatever it was; it made her both curious enough to watch it all the way through and incredibly uncomfortable.

Luz realized she was zoning out slightly, as she registered King screaming to her side. “Yes! Devour them! KILL THEM ALL!” He leaned in on the table, wagging his tail, his eyes shining with excitement. “One day, I’ll be like that again…” he whispered in awe.

Luz shifted around in her seat, messing with her necklace. I wonder how long there is until I have to head to Amity’s house? She checked the time, but there was still over half an hour before she could leave and get there at a reasonable time. “When’s this going to be over? I have to visit Amity later.”

King glanced up at Luz. “I think it’s over soon.” He sat back down, with a little squeak. “Sorry I was blocking your view.”

Luz smiled down at him. “It’s fine, you’re even cuter when you’re excited about something!”

Luz grinned, as he glared up at her. “I’m NOT cute! I’m the King of demons, and I…” He trailed of as his gaze fell back on the crystal ball. “I’ll lecture you later.” He tried to look tougher, like the movie bored him, but Luz could see how his tail twitched and shifted as he tried not to wag it.

Luz shifted to lay on her stomach, watching the last of the movie with him.

¨¨

Just a few minutes after the movie ended, Eda and Lilith finally came home, but Luz didn’t have a lot of time to stick around and talk, because she suddenly realized she needed to check if she had anything she needed to bring with her.

Shoot, why did I not remember to check earlier? She sprinted upstairs, after a quick hi to Eda, to look for her bag.

She took some time to draw a couple emergency glyphs, just in case she got into trouble, making sure to bring her notepad and pen with her, if she happened to use them all up without being able to draw them on the ground either.

She took a few seconds to look at her necklace, before she headed back downstairs to say goodbye.

King didn’t like that she was leaving at all. “Why do you have to go?” He grabbed her leg, as she was about head out the door. “Can’t you just visit Amity tomorrow?”

Luz smiled down at him, lightly pushing him away, but he stood his ground. “Sorry, King, I promised Amity I’d come over today.” She patted his head, as he looked up at her with big begging eyes. “We can spend time together tomorrow, okay?”

King suddenly got a way more worried look in his eyes. “But what if there isn’t going to be a tomorrow?”

Luz froze, shocked at what he was suggesting. “I don’t think you need to worry about that.” She picked him up in her arms, despite his slight protest. “Everything’s going to be fine! I’m prepared!” He squirmed, as she hugged him, before she put him back on the floor and brought her emergency glyphs out of her bag. “Look! I’m ready for anything!”

King stared up at Luz, not looking any more at ease. “But… What if something catches you off guard?” he looked back to the crystal ball, before he pointed to it. “I don’t want anything like that to happen to you, Luz!”

Luz felt uncomfortable looking back at the crystal ball, because she knew she probably couldn’t say that it was just a movie. “Like I said; everything is going to be fine!” She felt a bit antsy, realizing that she was wasting time discussing this with King. “And, again, I promised Amity I was coming over today.” She fidgeted with her bag, before continuing. “And I’ve made it this long without being eaten! I promise I’m going to come home safe.”

She crouched down to give King another hug, before she headed out the door. “Bye, guys!”

¨¨

Luz didn’t know what to do, as she stood in front of the door to the Blight Manor after having knocked. She had no clue what to expect, as she waited for someone to let her in.

She shifted from foot to foot in small bounces, as the door opened.

She took a step backwards, nearly falling off the steps, when she saw how infuriated Amity looked. “Woah! What’s wrong?” Did I come over too late? Or too early? Luz wasn’t sure she should come closer, as Amity stared her down, before looking at her necklace.

Luz yelped in surprise, when Amity grabbed her arm and forcefully pulled inside the house. “Ack! Amity! Stop! That hurts!” She didn’t listen, as she kept pulling on her, making Luz follow along just to lessen the pain. Despite that, her grip was still uncomfortably tight around her arm. “What’s going on?”

Luz tried to figure out what she could have done wrong to make Amity so angry at her, but she couldn’t think of anything. Is she taking her anger out on me, or is she angry at me? She couldn’t tell what was going on, but she knew that she didn’t want to see Amity like that. “Have I done something wrong?”

Amity huffed, but she didn’t answer her question.

Luz still tried to figure out what Amity could possibly be mad at her for, as she followed her into the living room. Luz remembered that she needed to give a more thorough apology for her distrust of the necklace. “I’m really sorry about earlier.” Amity didn’t look at her as she spoke, “you know, with the necklace; I didn’t mean to make it sound like I didn’t trust you.”

Amity tightened her grip on Luz’s arm, before she suddenly let go of it, and shoved her down on the couch.

Luz hit the couch, before quickly rolling back off it, staring up at Amity. “What was that fo-” Her eyes widened, as she cut herself off when she saw Amity forming a spell circle. “Wait, don’t!” But she barely got the words out, before Amity cast the spell.

Luz braced herself for something to hurt her, but nothing happened at all. She let out a sigh of relief. Amity is just messing with me. “Wow, you really scared me-” Luz’s eyes widened once again, as she realized that something had happened; she was shrinking, getting smaller by the second. What did Amity just do to me?!

Amity watched her with cold eyes, before she walked over and crouched down.

Luz hesitantly backed away, trying to figure out why Amity was acting the way she was. “Uhm…” her voice shook slightly, stopping her from speaking, as she glanced away. Her fear felt like it grew larger by each second that the giant, compared to her, girl watched her. “What did you do that for?” she asked, trying to stop her voice from showing how scared she felt. Her heart thudded quickly in her chest, as Amity kept the cold look in her eyes.

Amity leaned down closer, before poking her hard enough to knock her over. “You’re boring… Aren’t you going to run away or something? I thought you would be more exciting to catch…”

Luz watched her for a few seconds, before she got up on her feet again. “Catch?” She kept looking up at her, but she couldn’t figure out why Amity would want her to run. Whatever Amity was doing; she wasn’t sure she wanted to play along with it.

Amity sighed, rubbing her forehead. “Alright, let me put it simply…” Her hand suddenly slammed down in front of her, making Luz jump back with a shriek. “You run right now, and I might let you go if I can’t catch you within...” she paused to think, as Luz heart pounded even faster in her chest, “ten minutes.”

Amity stared at her with the same uncaring eyes, waiting for Luz to do something, but she couldn’t get her feet to move. She took a couple unsure steps back after a few seconds. Is this a game? It had to be; why else would Amity be acting like that? Maybe it’s just a weird way to welcome guests here? But that didn’t make much sense.

Amity tapped her fingers against the floor in impatience, snapping Luz out of her thoughts. “I’m only giving you a few more seconds to try and get away, human.” She shifted her fingers to reach out after her, but she stopped before wrapping them around her. “This is getting really boring… Aren’t you at least going to yell at me?”

Luz stared at the fingers that had almost closed around her, not knowing what Amity was getting at. “I don’t get it!” she shouted, squeezing her eyes shut. “I don’t get what’s happening!”

Amity pushed her down on the floor, pinning her down roughly with only a couple fingers. “I’m giving you a chance to escape!” Luz still didn’t understand, as she looked up at Amity. She felt her press down harder on her shoulders, making her gasp in pain. “Or, I guess, was.”

Luz let out a pained wheeze, as Amity’s fingers wrapped around her, almost feeling like Amity was trying to crush her to death. “Stop! That hurts!”

Amity scowled down at her, but she loosened her grip slightly. “Oh, poor you.” She scoffed, before she opened her fist up to grab Luz’s bag, before she even had a chance to try and take it back from her. “As if it wasn’t on purpose…” she mumbled under her breath. “Didn’t realize you were that stupid.”

Luz stared up at Amity in disbelief. “I’m not stupid!” What is going on with her? “I want to know why you’re hurting me!”

Amity glared at Luz intensely. “Can you be quiet? I need to focus on something.” She lifted her up to her mouth and grabbed the back of her shirt between her teeth.

Luz felt a strong chill go up her spine, as the hairs on the back of her neck stood up. She tried to keep her shirt from pressing in on her throat, but it barely helped. What the hell is Amity doing? She gasped for breath, as she squirmed to try and loosen the pressure on her neck.

She looked at her bag, as Amity emptied it into her hand. Another rush of fear went through her, as she realized that she had barely had any ways of defending herself against Amity. She tried to kick Amity’s chin, but she couldn’t hit anything from where she was. “Don’t-” She coughed, shifting her grip on her shirt slightly, “-don’t take my stuff!”

An exhausted breath blew down onto her from Amity’s nose, before she put the pen and notepad down in the bag and shook the glyphs off her hand.

Luz watched, as her hand moved up to grab her again, kicking it as soon as it was in reach. “Let me go!” She only realized her poor wording, as Amity let out a small laugh through her nose, and opened her mouth slightly. “Wait, no! Not like that!” Luz let out a terrified cry, bracing herself for the fall, but Amity grabbed her again without dropping her.

Luz felt Amity’s tongue slurp up against her neck, before she was lowered down.

Luz couldn’t believe what Amity just did, as she shifted her head to try to process the feeling of drool that lathered her neck. Did she just lick me? She definitely did. Why did she do that? Luz felt another strong chill run through her body. “Why did you lick me?”

Amity’s eyes were just as unkind as before, when she turned Luz around to stare at her. “You’ll find out soon enough.”

Luz cowered, as the bad feeling she had grew worse. “Please don’t hurt me…” she whispered quietly. She had a growing worry that this was going the exact way she expected getting licked by a person big enough to eat her in a single bite would go. I shouldn’t have promised anything to King… she realized, trying to stop the burning feeling in her eyes, not wanting to cry. I have to be wrong; Amity would never do that. But signs weren’t very promising.

Amity scowled down at Luz, before she shifted her gaze away from her. She didn’t say anything else, as she began looking around from something in the house.

Amity found her way to what looked like a dining room, where what had to be her mom was standing. Luz felt Amity shift her grip on her to dangle her from her fingers. “She was way too easy to catch… I even offered her a chance to get away, but, apparently, humans aren’t smart enough to take a chance to survive.”

Luz tried to look back at Amity, but she couldn’t quite see her, as the feeling of dread grew. “Survive?” She knew Amity was obviously hinting at eating her, but that didn’t mean she was being serious about doing it. She wouldn’t really do that, would she? “What do you mean?” She couldn’t actually want to kill her. Her thoughts spun in her head, as she tried make sense of it. She wouldn’t!

Amity turned her around, raising an eyebrow. “Are you sure you’re not stupid?” She shook Luz, making her cry out in distress, as she felt like she was going to slip out between her fingers. “I thought you had already caught on.” She shifted her grip to let Luz sit in her hand. “I think it’s pretty obvious what I’m going to do, but I guess a human like you would be too dumb to understand?”

Luz tried to get up on her feet, but Amity didn’t give her a chance, as she was pinned down by her thumb. She stared up at Amity, still trying to figure out if she was serious. “I’m not dumb!” She squirmed underneath her thumb, but she held on too tightly for Luz to do anything. “I just don’t know why you would do this!”

Amity rolled her eyes in annoyance. “Yeah, sure, but isn’t it still pretty obvious?” She glared down at her, as she continued. “I don’t care about you.”

Luz suddenly burst out laughing. Something about the way she said it didn’t sound like she meant it. It sounded way too exaggerated. “What are you talking about?” She couldn’t stop laughing at the idea of Amity not caring about her. “We’re friends!” Just the thought that Amity would hurt her seemed completely absurd the more she considered it. “We’ve been friends for a long time, when did you suddenly start hating me again?”

Amity got even angrier, glancing over at her mom, as Luz spoke. “That doesn’t matter!” She pressed her thumb harder into Luz’s chest, making her let out a pained wheeze again. “What matters is that I don’t like you, and I’m going to make sure that I never have to see you ever again.”

Luz wriggled underneath her thumb, trying to process everything that was happening. She can’t mean that! “W-wait, no!” She already knew how Amity was going to solve this. “We can figure this out another way!” Luz looked around as she gasped for breath, while she tried to think. Is Amity seriously going to kill me? “I’m trying to find way back to my mom! Maybe-” Luz hesitated, before she made her decision. “What if I stay there? In the human realm?”

Amity kept scowling down at her, but Luz could swear she saw a glimpse of surprise in her eyes, before she looked over at her mom with a slightly hopeful expression.

Luz immediately put the pieces together, but that didn’t make her situation any less terrifying. Is Amity’s mom making her kill me? She decided to keep her mouth shut, until her mom made a decision. Please let me go home… She suddenly felt even more powerless in Amity’s grasp, knowing that her life could be ended by a single decision that neither she or Amity had a say in.

Amity looked back down at Luz, clearly realizing that she had noticed her odd behavior, as she her expression changed back to a glare hurriedly, before her necklace lit up.

Luz looked at it unsurely, waiting for either Amity or her mom to say anything. Don’t kill me… She couldn’t help squeezing her eyes shut, as she waited to know if she was going to make it out alive or not. Please decide to let me go… she begged inside her head once again.

Amity huffed, and Luz’s hair stood on end, as she realized what that meant. “No, you said you’re still trying to find a way back and that would take way too long.” Luz pulled her legs closer to her body, as she gave Amity a pleading look. “Besides, I don’t have the patience to see your face around anymore.” She shifted her around in her hands with malicious smile. “And I think killing you would be much more satisfying.”

Luz realized she had to come up with something to convince her mom to change her mind. “Amity, please, don’t!” She looked around, trying to collect her thoughts. What did I want to say? “I- You-” It was about Amity. “You don’t actually want to kill me; I know it!” She pointed her thumb where Amity had looked earlier. “It’s her, your mom! She wants to kill me! I saw the way you looked over at her!”

Amity squeezed her eyes shut in a scared wince, before she tried to play it off. “Why do you have to be so annoying about this?” She shifted her grip to dangle Luz from her fingers again. “You know you can’t do anything about this, right? Even- I mean-” Amity stammered slightly. “Ugh! I’m just going to get this over with!”

Amity opened her mouth as wide as she could, finally letting the fact that Amity was serious about killing her sink in.

“Wait!” She tried to grab onto her fingers, while kicking against Amity’s hand. “No, please! There has to be something I can do to change your mind!” But Amity didn’t hesitate, as she lowered Luz into her mouth. “Or your mom’s mind!” She writhed around, trying to get a look at her, but she couldn’t even catch a glimpse. “Mrs. Blight, please, stop this!”

But her mother didn’t say or do anything to call it off.

The bare part of her legs rested against Amity’s tongue, as she closed her mouth around Luz’s waist. I have to do something now! “We can figure something out, or-” Luz felt that she was sliding deeper into Amity’s mouth, despite her desperate attempts to push herself back out. “Please, I-” Luz sucked in a breath, as she felt tears burning in her eyes once again, “-I don’t want to die!”

Amity opened her mouth a little wider around her again, using her tongue to drag her in. “Amity! Stop! Please!” This isn’t happening! This couldn’t be happening. She tried to grab onto Amity’s lip, but she couldn’t even reach anymore, let alone hold on. This isn’t happening!

“Amity! Spit me out right now!” She tried to kick herself back out of Amity’s mouth, but she shut it around her, before she even had a chance.

“This isn’t funny at all!” It had to be a cruel joke, or a nightmare. It had to be. She couldn’t die here; she couldn’t die yet. This isn’t happening! She choked on her own sob, as she begged Amity to stop. “Ple-please!”

But Amity still didn’t listen to her.

Luz tried to back away from Amity’s throat, but she couldn’t get a proper grip on anything inside her mouth. Maybe if I kick her throat, she’ll spit me out? Anything was worth a shot at this point. She gave her a full force kick in the back of her throat.

Just as Luz had hoped, Amity immediately retched and spat her back out into her hands. But Luz instantly realized that there wasn’t anywhere to go from there. Okay, so I have another shot at changing her mom’s mind, that could work! Luz spun around to face her, but something about the look she was giving Amity told her there was nothing she could do. I have to try again.

She tried to gather her thoughts, but all except the desperate pleas for her life escaped her. Shoot, what do I say? Luz stared at Amity’s mom, as Amity stopped gagging behind her.

Luz turned back around. “Amity, please, you don’t have to do this!” There had to be another way to convince her… What hadn’t she tried? “I promised King I would come back home today!”

She looked up into Amity’s eyes, hoping to convince her to let her go. Luz immediately began talking, trying to stall her fate, despite the lack of any sort of pity in her eyes.

“I said that we could spend tomorrow together, but he said there might not be a tomorrow, and I tried to comfort him-” her eyes flicked around, trying to look as scared as she felt, “but if I really don’t have a tomorrow, then King and I will never spend it together!”

Luz hoped that her listening to her stream of panicked words meant that she was considering trying to change her mom’s mind. She continued trying to stall. “What’s your mom’s name?” She turned back around to face her. “What’s your name?” she shouted at her, but she didn’t respond, only getting out of her line of vision. “Please! Stop this!” she cried out again, as her eyes searched for her in vain. “I need to get back! I have to come home!”

She felt Amity lift her up and turn her around and Luz stared up at her with tear-filled eyes. The look in Amity’s eyes was bored more than anything, as she spoke, “do you really think you’re going to be changing my mind on this?” She sighed deeply. “Because I’ve planned this for a while and I’m not going to back down over some begging and crying.”

Luz racked her brain for anything that could save her, but she didn’t know what else she could do. She tried to stall again, hoping Amity would hear her out. “What about the time…” It didn’t matter what she talked about, as long as she talked. “Or I mean, what about the Azura books? If you kill me, you won’t have anybody to talk with you about them!”

Amity scowled at Luz. “Don’t remind me of that!” She squeezed Luz tightly, before she continued. “You just kept talking and talking and talking!” The look her eyes soften for a second, before she caught herself. “I never got a word in! Do you have any idea of how annoying it was?” She sighed once more. “I’m tired of this...” She opened her mouth back up again.

Luz immediately tried to squirm out of her grasp. “Stop!” She put her hands out in front of her, once again trying to grab onto something before she was shoved into Amity’s mouth. There has to be something I can do! But it was useless and, deeper down, she did know that.

Her eyes flicked around, as she tried to come up with something. Could I make her gag again? Maybe Amity will get tired of it eventually and… Luz didn’t even have to finish the thought, before she realized that wouldn’t work. Amity could easily bite her in half or just crush her arms or legs between her teeth. A sharp prickling feeling went up her spine, as she felt like the hair on her neck stood up. I can’t get out.

She suddenly became much more aware of everything around her, as she realized that now really was the moment she was going to die.

Everything felt fake, as a surreal feeling spread through her body, making every muscle in it tense. Her heart was beating, but it didn’t feel like her heart. She was breathing, but her lungs didn’t feel like they were hers. She had thoughts, but they didn’t feel like they came from her own head.

She shook her head, as she felt like vomiting. No, no, this is just a weird dream, a really scary, terrifying, nightmare, I’m going to wake up soon… But then why could she feel the saliva from Amity’s mouth making her clothes stick to her skin? I’m not going to die! I can’t! She clenched her fists tighter, digging her nails into her palms to feel something, as she shivered all over from the horrid realization she was having. She let out a small cry, wanting the feeling out of her body.

It couldn’t be possible that she would actually die; she couldn’t die. I can’t die! It doesn’t make sense! I can’t! Those were the only thoughts that echoed in her mind, as she tried to process what was happening. She wasn’t supposed to die; if she died, then what would happen to her? To the person she was? She heaved for breath, before whimpering, as she felt like an intruder in her own body. I can’t die!

Luz let out the loudest scream she could muster, trying to feel like she was in control of the body she was in, before she dug her nails into Amity’s tongue. She knew her voice would come out hoarse, even before she screamed again, “SPIT ME OUT!” The words raked her throat, as she screamed them as loud as she could.

She pressed against the back of her tongue with as much force as she could, before she was pinned to the roof of Amity’s mouth.

She wriggled against it, trying to maneuver her arms to make Amity gag another way. I’m not going to die in here! She hesitated for a few seconds, before she pressed her arms into Amity’s throat. She couldn’t put as much force into it, as her kick, or even just when she pressed down, but it was enough for her soon-to-be murderer to let her back out.

At least for a second, before she was quickly shoved back inside. This was exactly the scenario she had dreaded. She couldn’t keep stalling her death; Amity wasn’t using anywhere near the amount of energy Luz was. This couldn’t keep going forever.

Amity pinned Luz against her palate once again, letting her struggle uselessly for even longer.

Luz could feel herself starting to feel a slight bit weaker, as she tried to do the same thing she had done just before. But this time she didn’t get a chance to press against Amity’s throat, as she let her fall back to the front of her mouth, before she could reach.

She felt her feet hit Amity’s teeth, before Amity opened her mouth slightly and forced her leg in between them.

Luz squeezed her eyes shut tightly, realizing that Amity was going to be done playing with her soon. She’s going to bite my leg off! Luz tried to pull it out from between her teeth, but it didn’t do anything. Please don’t do this… It couldn’t be that much longer, before she decided to kill her.

But biting her leg off wasn’t what Amity had in mind, as she shifted Luz’s head in between her molars instead. Luz tried recoil, despite knowing she couldn’t do anything but wait for Amity to crush her skull. She didn’t think to send out any sort of last thoughts, as she focused on trying to shut out the unbearable pain she would feel in just a few seconds.

But Amity changed her mind once again, shifting her back on her tongue.

Luz was starting to wish that Amity would just get it over with already, instead of playing with her like she kept doing. I can’t get out… She had tried everything now, but none of it had worked. She went limp, before she tried one last time to get Amity to spare her life. “Am-” she coughed, as she realized just how sore her throat was from screaming. “-Amity, please, I can’t die yet!” She felt tears build up in her eyes once again, but she didn’t try to hold them back anymore.

Luz tensed up immediately, as she felt herself slide towards Amity’s throat. Amity is going to swallow me whole! She squirmed, before she was pinned in place again. “Amity!” This was one of the worst ways she could decide to kill her. “Sto-” she choked on her voice again in the middle of her word, “-stop! Please, at least make it a quick death!”

But it did nothing to convince her, as she was squeezed down into her throat.

Luz tried to make her gag again, but Amity swallowed her down way too quickly for her to do anything. She kicked the back of her palate, but even though Amity’s body clearly wanted her to cough her back up; she still quickly swallowed again to let Luz slide farther down into her throat.

Luz cried out in distress, as she was squeezed and shoved farther down by the second. She tried to clear her head of thoughts, not wanting to think about how soon she was going to die. She wasn’t ready to die in anyway at all. I can’t die… But she knew that wasn’t true; everybody had to die. I don’t want to die… She didn’t want to die yet, and especially not the gruesome way she was about to.

She whimpered, as trying to wriggle back up, but she knew there was no way she was making it out again. I never got to see my mom again… Every ounce of guilt she had felt since she had pretended to be at camp hit her at once. She cried even harder, letting out a wail, as she wished she had told her something, anything, about where she was. She’s never going to know what happened to me...

Luz could feel when the stomach opened up beneath her, and she squeezed her eyes even more shut, as she slid into the pool of acid at the bottom.

She quickly got out of it, but she knew it wouldn’t make much of a difference. I’m… She could barely finish the thought, but she knew she had to face sooner or later. I’m not getting out of here… She let her shoulders untense, knowing there was nothing she could do but wait for death. Maybe it won’t be as scary as it sounds…

But she knew she didn’t really believe that.

Amity felt Luz stop moving inside her stomach, but she didn’t worry, knowing she was going to be alright. She looked up into the smug face of her mother, glaring at her. Wipe that annoying smile off your face! Her mother hadn’t won; she had. Or at least as much as she could win, when she had, hopefully, broken Luz’s trust in her completely. She looked down at her stomach, holding a hand over it. Please don’t still trust me after this…

Her mom’s eyes nearly looked like they sparkled, as Amity hurried to lower her hand down. Shoot, I’m making this worse for Luz… Her mother touched the gem around her own neck, as her voice rung in her head like it had done so many times. “Mittens, you still seem pretty affectionate with the human, are you sure you can stay away from her?”

Amity nodded, as she felt anger bubble up inside her. I would do anything to keep Luz safe. Even if it meant never seeing her again. Though, the fact that her mom still wore that smug smile worried her. Am I missing something? Her skin prickled, as she knew there had to be something she wasn’t thinking off. Was there a loophole she hadn’t consider? How did the deal go again?

She thought back to what had been said. ‘If you can convince Luz that you’re trying to kill her, we won’t do anything to her ourselves.’

Amity’s eyes widened, as she realized exactly why her mom wore that smile, but she kept her face away from her. Stay calm, I can’t let her know that I’ve figured out her trick. If she knew she figured it out; she wasn’t going to get a chance to make a plan to save Luz from her.

She stretched casually, trying to look more tired than she was. “I think I’m going relax in my room for a while…” she hoped she could be more convincing than she was before. “I’ll come back… later?” She shot her mom an unsure look, trying to ask when she needed to let Luz out. That’s what I would have done before I guessed it, right? “When would be a good time?”

Her mom did look a bit suspicious of her, but not a worrying amount. “Come back in half an hour.”

Amity wasn’t sure she should chance a glare at her mom, despite knowing that she would have done it otherwise. I don’t want to risk anything… She would let her think she still thought she had won by ignoring her, as she walked past her.

Luz stared in confusion at the yellow tinted walls that were pulsing around her, realizing that something was off. Even if there was still enough air for her inside Amity’s stomach; she definitely should be feeling at least some itching, if not unbearably painful burning, by now.

She looked down at the bare part of her legs, but the skin didn’t seem irritated at all, despite her lower half having been in the acid the entire time she had been inside Amity’s stomach, because she hadn’t been able to get completely out of it.

Luz didn’t understand what was going on, but she had a feeling Amity had a reason for not telling her that.

She looked up where she had first entered her stomach, wishing she could get back out. She put her necklace in under her hoodie, letting the space around her darken. It was a lot more pleasant, when she didn’t have to look at the pulsing moving walls that she thought was going to kill her just a moment ago.

She closed her eyes, letting herself calm down. The thought that she was going to die eventually, even if not now, still lingered in her body, making her feel like she wasn’t really herself. But at least I don’t have to die right now. She tried to comfort herself with the thought, but thinking about the fact that she had to die at some point still left her with the hollow feeling of her body not being hers.

She pulled the necklace back out, realizing she needed a distraction from her thoughts. Or at least something to do with her hands, so she could squash down the feeling of needing to do something.

She watched the flickering effect the light gained, as she fiddled with the gems. It started to feel a little less scary, when she focused on the light and necklace in her hands, instead of her surroundings, thoughts or feelings. She could deal with her existential dread later… when she figured out how to stop feeling like herself when she thought about the fact that her life would eventually be over.

She took a shaky breath, trying once again to calm down.

Amity paced around her room, trying to figure out how to handle everything. How am I going to get Luz back to the Owl House? She couldn’t picture a way that would work. Mom has to be keeping an eye on me, in case I decide to run away… Amity paused in her pace. Is it obvious that I’m going to run away? She thought about it, but she quickly realized if her mom saw or heard her head out, she would immediately get caught.

She sat down, trying to form a better plan. My only back up plan can’t just be to restrain her, while I run… She had to come up with something better, but she knew she had limited time. How am I going to do this? She placed her head into her hands, gritting her teeth in frustration.

She rubbed her face, trying to come up with something else. What if I wait until I’m supposed to let Luz back out, but then I run away? It almost sounded easier, but she might as well use some of the surprise from running way now instead. It might have worked, if Ed and Em were home to help. But, obviously, her mother didn’t want anybody interrupting her traumatizing of Luz. Or, rather, her murder. Why did I ever agree to this? It should have been so obvious that this plan wasn’t going to work. What made me think mom would even keep her word? She knew how her mom was.

Amity wished she had just been smart enough to avoid this. Luz could have saved herself, if I just warned her… She squeezed her eyes shut, letting herself cry. I could have helped her! Amity knew that she shouldn’t dwell on the past, that was something she couldn’t change, but she couldn’t see how she was going to get out of the situation her stupid, absolutely terribly, mistake had brought her in.

Amity had to wipe the tears from her face not long after. I have to at least apologize to Luz… Her shoulders tensed, as she thought about having to tell her that she had pretty much gotten her killed. I’ll try to make it more optimistic... She didn’t know how to make it sound like that, but she could give it a shot. “Luz?”

The necklace thumped against her chest, as she let go of it, when she heard her name. She felt a sudden burst of anger, kicking Amity’s stomach with as much force as she could. She quickly calmed down after that, realizing that it wasn’t Amity fault that this happened. Maybe partly, she didn’t try to stop her mom, but I shouldn’t take my anger out on her…

But before she could apologize; Amity spoke again. “I deserved that.” Luz waited for a few seconds, before Amity continued. “But I wanted to say sorry, and that you were right about everything… Somewhat?” Luz wasn’t sure if she should say anything yet, but Amity seemed to be done, as she didn’t say anything after making a few noises while thinking.

Luz wasn’t exactly sure what to say. “Uh… Okay?” She didn’t really want to be talking with Amity, her voice still felt uncomfortable to hear. “But, uhm… If I’m not going to die in here; you’re going to let me out soon, right?” Luz didn’t want to spend a second longer than she needed to inside Amity’s stomach.

She heard the rush of air in Amity’s lungs, as she took a deep breath. “About that…” Luz felt like her skin was crawling, as she waited for Amity to say something horrible. “I might have messed up a little more than I thought, and my mom does want you dead.”

Luz immediately sprang up in a panic, or attempted to, but she just splashed down into acids again as she slipped. “You’re still going to kill me?!” She tried to climb backwards, as one of the ways that Amity could still kill her popped into her mind. She’s going to drown me! “No, please, I-” But Amity quickly interrupted.

“No, no, Luz, I’m not going to let her get her way!” Amity’s heart had sped up too, as she hurried to get her words out. “I would never let anyone or anything hurt you; no matter what.” Luz noticed she took a breath, after she had stopped her writhing.

Luz tried to process her words, but they… didn’t make any sense. Something in the way she said it made her think there much more to them than what she let on. She tried to think back to before Amity had lied to her about how much she hated her, but she still couldn’t figure out what made Amity care about her that much. No matter what... her mind repeated the tone that Amity had used. Maybe I’m putting too much meaning in it?

Amity continued, snapping her out of her thoughts. “But I was trying to say that she still wants you dead, so I need to find a way to get you back to the Owl House.” She let out a sigh. “The problem is that I’m stuck in my room…”

Luz let herself relax again. “First of all; don’t phrase stuff like that ever.” She pointed a finger at Amity, despite knowing she couldn’t see her. “But secondly… I don’t really know what to do either.” Luz gave herself some time to think. “Uh… Maybe you could…” Nothing popped into her mind immediately that wasn’t obvious. But maybe the simplest option could work? “Do you think you could beat your parents in a fight? If you had to?”

Amity went quiet, and Luz listened curiously for her response. “What do you mean? Do you want me to fight my parents?”

“No, I mean, if you had to, if you were caught?” Luz knew that Amity had to have thought about this, but she was pretty sure it could work. “And if you can’t, what are they going to do?” Luz’s confident feeling grew, as she thought about it more. “They can’t get to me, as long as I’m in here!”

It was silent above her, as Amity thought.

Luz stared up hopefully, excited that Amity seemed to be considering the idea. It could really work! She tried to squash down her feeling of being clever, waiting to hear what Amity thought of it.

“You’re right…” Luz waited, hoping she would go through with the idea. “But what if they have a way to make me throw up?”

Luz deflated, not having thought about that. “Well… Do you think they do?” She gave it a few more seconds of thought. “Why would they have a way to make you throw up? Doesn’t that sound weird?” Luz tried to come up with anything that could help them out of this awful situation they had ended up in. “And how else are we going to get out of this? I can’t think of anything else…”

Amity went quiet, clearly trying to think of something. “I don’t know…” She breathed out, as her heart sped up again. “I guess it’s the only thing that sounds doable…”

¨¨

Luz had to wait with growing worry, as Amity moved around the house.

She kept her hands around her necklace and it helped her calm down slightly. The chain felt comforting, as she ran her fingers along it. Stay calm… She didn’t want to freak out too much, despite knowing that both her and Amity were incredibly worried. She can do this.

She could hear Amity’s heart beat faster than her own, but not by much.

She wished she could help out, but there wasn’t a lot she could do, even if she was back outside and her regular size. I would probably just be easier to kill… Not to mention the fact that she was still completely defenseless. Luz gripped her necklace anxiously, as she thought back to Amity taking her bag. What did Amity do to my bag?

It wasn’t that she was too worried about the bag; she didn’t have anything really important and irreplaceable with her, but she still didn’t want to have lost it. She did have a few of her favorite patches and pins on it and it would suck to lose them. So technically something irreplaceable, if she never got back to her mom, but nothing really important important.

She let go of the necklace, deciding to watch the walls around her for a bit. It made her own stomach churn, as she thought about what happened. It was gross to think that Amity could do that. She hadn’t had that hard of a time swallowing her down, despite how much she had tried to get her to gag.

She tried to stop the uncomfortable feeling she got from thinking about it. Amity is keeping me safe. She reminded herself once again. I’m safer in here than out there. If she was out there; Amity’s mom could get to her way more easily.

Luz wasn’t sure how long she spent thinking about all her different worries, but apparently long enough for Amity to make it out of her house, as the bigger girl told her exactly that in a voice a little louder than a whisper.

It was quiet again after that, except for her much louder and more strained breathing.

¨¨ ~

By the time Amity reached the Owl House; she could barely get her legs to move anymore. Maybe I should have taken it just a tiny bit slower… Her parents hadn’t even seen her run away, as far as she knew. But the thought that they had been after her had made it impossible for her to slow down.

She stared over at the house, feeling unsure about what to do. Should she explain any of what had happened, or keep it a secret? I think I’m going to start by letting Luz out… She wished she had thought about an easier way to make herself throw up suddenly. It can’t be that hard… she thought, remembering how easily Luz had made her gag. But maybe it’s harder to do it myself…

Amity shook her head, realizing she was overthinking it way too much.

She looked down at her stomach, feeling an uncomfortable shiver go up her body as she thought about what she had done. I’m so stupid… “I’m going to let you out now.”

¨¨ ~

Luz yelped in surprise, as she fell out of Amity’s mouth, but her fall was slightly broken by the soft-ish leaves on the ground. And despite falling the relatively tall height that she had; it barely hurt.

She still groaned, immediately having to squeeze her eyes shut at the still bright light outside. I didn’t realize it was so dark in there... She had thought that the light from her necklace was a lot stronger. She felt dizzy, as she hesitantly opened her eyes back up again.

She heard Amity shuffle backwards retching again, but it didn’t sound like anything else was coming out.

Luz got up on her feet, grimacing as she saw Amity’s face. That does not look fun... She didn’t want to say anything, before Amity was done dry heaving.

Amity swallowed loudly, letting out an exhausted noise. “I’m so sorry,” she started, swallowing sickly again, “I really hope you’re okay after all this...” Amity sat up clenching her hands tight. “I didn’t think any of this through... ” She squeezed her eyes shut, and a couple tears rolled down her face.

Luz didn’t want to say that everything was fine; it wasn’t. But she also didn’t think Amity needed to feel that horrible about it. “Well... The worst part was really realizing that I was going to die, so it’s not really your fault?” Luz dug her foot in under one of leaves next to her, trying to lift it with her foot. “I mean, unless you’re a god of death?” she tried to joke with a hesitant smile.

Amity grimaced, as she clearly tried not to smile back. “It’s not funny...” Her grimace quickly turned sad, as she looked down at Luz. “I know how much I scared you.”

Luz stood awkwardly, not knowing what to do to make Amity stop worrying about it. “I don’t really want to talk about this right now.” It was true, but she was mostly hoping to distract Amity. “Also... Could you maybe turn me back to normal?”

Amity snapped up. “Right! Sorry,” she apologized, but she didn’t turn her back immediately, fishing around in the bag she had with her, before she brought out Luz’s bag. “Here.” She stood back up, before casting the spell.

Luz closed her eyes, as she grew back to normal, finding a little too weird to watch how everything changed back to how it was before.

When she opened them again; everything seemed much more familiar.

A lot more real.

Without even registering her emotions properly; everything blurred with tears.

Luz couldn’t even get a word out, despite wanting to tell Amity that it wasn’t her fault that she broke down. Don't think it’s your fault! Luz’s thoughts screamed between the terrifying jolts of constant reminding that she was going to die and having no way of knowing what would or wouldn’t happen afterwards. Don’t get upset too!

She looked over at Amity, seeing how distressed she looked too, and managed to speak up. “It’s not your fault.” She blinked, letting more tears fall freely. “I’m not scared of you!” She wiped her tears away, even though they were still coming. “We should get inside... I just need to talk with Eda.”

Luz watched Amity, but she didn’t move any closer towards the Owl House.

Amity spoke hesitantly. “I’m not sure that’s a good idea.”

Luz would have shrugged, but she was too upset. “It’s fine; Eda has probably done more questionable things than this.” Amity still looked a little unsure. “Amity, it’s alright; I’ll make sure they won’t get mad at you.”

Amity slowly nodded, before they both headed inside.

She still didn’t believe that Luz wasn’t upset with her. I shouldn’t be here... She felt like her back prickled uncomfortably, as she stood stiffly a few steps inside the house.

Luz had immediately gone to embrace Eda, crying into her shoulder. The older witch seemed to be very uncomfortable, but she also looked ready for letting Luz cry for as long as she needed.

Amity took a step back, hoping nobody would notice her. I could see if I could stay at the library for the night... She was pretty sure she could convince Malphas to let her stay if she told him about her situation with her parents. Or I could work a little harder if I need to. That could make up for it. I need to go now if I want to make it.

She carefully turned around to head back out the door, still trying to make herself as unnoticeable as possible.

But, of course, she was noticed this time. “Amity?”

The voice immediately caught her attention, as she noticed Lilith on the couch with Hooty by her side. “Lilith?” She decided that leaving wasn’t an option anymore, now where she had been noticed. “What are you doing here?”

She threw out her hands, “I could ask you the same thing; I thought Luz was just supposed to visit you,” she looked over at Luz and Eda, gesturing to Luz, “so how did things go so wrong that this happened to her?”

Amity shuffled her feet slightly. “I think I’m going to let Luz explain some of it first... But it’s my fault it happened.”

Luz immediately butted in. “No, it’s not-” she sniffled, before she continued, “-there was no way-” she breathed in deeply, as she whimpered and hugged Eda tighter, “-it wouldn’t have happened sooner or later...”

Amity took a second to think about it. “You are really only upset about the-” She wasn’t quick to catch herself before she said a little more than she needed. “-about death?” If she had to be completely honest; she thought that Luz was lying to her about that to make her feel better. Unless she thought I would pretend to want to kill her? But that was ridiculous.

Luz nodded, before she let go of Eda, “it’s really really scary to think about dying...” She squeezed her eyes shut. “I’m so so scared and I don’t know how to stop feeling like this!” She immediately wrapped her arms around Eda again, almost looking like she was trying to crush her, but Eda still let her hold on.

Eda waited until Luz let go of her again. “Luz, I don’t really know what to tell you.” She took a deep breath, before she continued. “The only thing you can really do is try to forget about it and then when the moment comes... all you can hope is that you’ll be ready for it.” She gently patted Luz on her shoulder. “But we can talk about this after you take a shower, alright? I need to get changed now too.”

Luz nodded, not looking the least bit comforted, before she left for the bathroom and Eda went to get a change of clothes.

King had been eerily silent as all this went down, staring after Luz as she left, before he leaped off the couch to stare down Amity. “What did you do to our Luz? You said that this was your fault!”

Amity felt uncomfortable, as the tiny demon tried to interrogate her. “It’s hard to explain... I really don’t want to do it without Luz.” She grasped the sleeve of her dress between her fingers. “And Eda needs to know what happened too.”

King scowled at her. “She smells like vomit; how much is there to explain about that? When did she get eaten and why didn’t you help her?”

Amity suddenly focused a lot harder on the grim taste of puke in her mouth. I need to rinse my mouth with some water. She realized that she was also incredibly thirsty after her run. “I told you Eda needs to know too and Luz needs to be here.” She turned to Lilith hesitantly. “I know it’s a little weird for me to ask for something right now, but where can I get something to drink?”

¨¨ ~

When Luz came back from her shower Amity looked twice as uncomfortable as she had before with everybody staring at her. Oh gosh, how am I going to explain what happened? She didn’t want them to think Amity was a bad person. “Hey,” she called shyly, trying to take the attention off Amity. “I’m feeling a bit better now.”

She went into the living room, standing next to Amity to hopefully make her feel less awful about what she did. She didn’t have bad intentions with what she did. “Sooo...” Luz began hesitantly, “I guess you guys want to know what happened?”

King scowled at Amity, but Luz was quick to step in. “It’s not her fault.” But she hesitated again. “Not entirely anyway... It’s...” Luz realized she had no clue why Amity’s mom did any of what she did. “Actually, what happened back at your place? Why would your mom ever make you do something like that?”

Amity took a deep breath, “I don’t know...” She rubbed her arm, looking down to the floor. “I just know that it doesn’t really surprise me that much...” She sighed, before she talked about the other part of what had happened. “But what happened was that... My mom told me that if I didn’t...” She stopped, taking a step in behind Luz. “I know I shouldn’t have done it! But she told me that if I wanted Luz to live, I needed to convince her that I wanted her dead.”

Luz looked back at Amity, recalling her wince when she had told her that she figured out her mom was the one behind it. That was why she got scared... Luz carefully brushed her hand against Amity’s arm, making her flinch. “Sorry!” she quickly apologized. I guess she wouldn’t like a hug. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”

Amity nodded, refusing to look at Luz, before she continued. “But it turns out that it was a trick... She was going to kill Luz either way, and I was stupid and fell for it and now...” She looked at Luz briefly with confusion in her eyes, before she trailed of completely.

Luz desperately wanted to give Amity a hug, but she didn’t seem like something like that would help her. “So... Did your mom tell you to pretend like you were going to kill me a specific way or did you decide that?” Luz really hoped that it wasn’t Amity’s own choice, despite it technically having helped save her life.

Amity looked disgusted. “My mom... She pretty much planned the entire thing... Except for the... The uh...” She suddenly looked even more ashamed of herself, “... fake escape... I mean, I was pretty sure ten minutes was enough to catch you, but I wouldn’t have let you go.”

King interrupted their explanation. “I feel like you two are leaving out A LOT of stuff, because I’m just getting more and more confused.”

Both Amity and Luz looked over at each other, before Amity spoke, “my mom told me I had to pretend to kill Luz by swallowing her alive. That’s why she came home drenched and smelling like vomit.”

Luz jolted up, realizing she forgot to apologize to her mentor for running her clothes. “I’m sorry about your dress, Eda! I didn’t think about how gross I was.” It had completely slipped her mind, despite how sour she had smelled, even without thinking of how slimy she had been.

Eda quickly dismissed it, “don’t apologize about that; it’s been through worse.” She shrugged, “besides, I was thinking of getting rid of it soon.”

Luz looked around the room, but there still seemed to be some confusion. “Uh... Maybe it’s better if we tell them everything that happened.”

¨¨

By the end of it all, Luz felt completely exhausted and scared, having had to relive the moment again. “I think I’m going to go to bed early...” She tried to shake her head to wake up a little, but it didn’t work.

Eda immediately shook her head, “nope, not before you’ve gotten something to eat.”

Luz felt sick at the thought of food. “No thanks, I don’t think I can eat anything.” Her appetite was completely gone and it wasn’t just from the thought of what had happened to her. The idea of eating felt pointless after realizing she was going to die. “I just want to go to bed...” she said, despite her stomach hurting from a lack of food.

Eda didn’t back down. “I get that it’s uncomfortable, but you have to eat something.” She got up from her seat. “Get something to drink and I’m going to make you something.”

Luz decided it was no use protesting.

¨¨

She sat awkwardly and sipped her glass of water. Drinking without any appetite wasn’t easy either, but it did help slightly. She was getting a bit more open to getting something to eat, but mostly to stop the nausea she was getting from her stomach trying to break down nothing.

Amity looked over at her, before she spoke, “so, I’m going to be staying here, right? Or should I be going back home?”

Luz stared at Amity in disbelief. “What do you think?! Obviously, you’re staying here for the night!” She was not letting Amity go home to her parents. At least not for the night.

Amity looked away again. “But what if they only get more upset with me?”

“Then you’re staying here another day,” she replied, carefully putting a hand on top of Amity’s, hoping to comfort her. “Amity, I’m not letting you get anywhere near them, if you’re still scared of them.”

Amity pushed Luz’s hand away, before going silent.

¨¨ ~

Amity watched as Luz headed upstairs to go to bed after she had gotten something to eat, leaving her alone in a room full of people she barely knew anything about.

She decided not to speak to them, looking down into her hands.

Her nail polish looked like it was flaking off in some areas, and she picked at it to distract herself from the awkwardness that hung in the air. What do I do? She had no clue where she was supposed to sleep or if they had enough food for an extra person to stay there. I really want something to eat... She thought, but she would never ask for it, if the others weren’t going to offer. They would probably hate me for it... How was she ever supposed to eat again after she had done what she did?

She scratched a relatively big chunk of paint off, before she stopped to look around at the others. The only one staring at her was King, who was giving her a death glare.

She looked back down to her nails, continuing to scratch at them. “I’m mad at me too, you know...” she said quietly to King. “I really wish I had never done any of what I did.” She rubbed the back of her hand gently, wishing she could go back to before any of it had happened.

King huffed. “Yeah right! You’re just saying that so we don’t get mad at you.” He jumped off the place he was sitting to stare challengingly up at Amity. “Well, I’m still going to be mad at you, so it’s not going to work.”

She shrugged half-heartedly. “That’s okay... I wish you were angrier with me.” She lowered her hand back down. “I mean... I deserve it, don’t I? But Luz isn’t mad at me, even though she really should be...” Amity decided to let a few of her trapped thoughts out. “I don’t understand why she doesn’t hate me for what I did. Or why you guys are letting me stay.” She grabbed her own hand, crushing it as hard as she could. “I don’t deserve it.”

King seemed startled by her, taking a few steps back. “Oh, you really do feel bad...” He ducked his head slightly, before he jumped back to where he sat before, now watching her with a bit harder to read expression. “Well, then I don’t really care, as long as you don’t try to hurt Luz.” He continued to watch her, but he didn’t seem as angry anymore.

Amity looked back at him for another second, only getting more confused. Why don’t they hate me? Maybe she didn’t have to worry about them not wanting her to stay over? But she still felt horrible about what she had done.

She got off the couch, but didn’t know where she wanted to go. “Is there an empty room I could stay in? I need some time alone...”

Luz lay in her sleeping bag, tears running down her face. Her mind kept spinning in circles whenever she tried to calm her thoughts about death. As soon as she got to ‘you might feel ready for it when it happens’ it spun back around to the beginning of ‘I’m going to die’. She couldn’t sleep with her thoughts going like that on repeat.

She shuffled around, lying on her side instead. Maybe it’ll be easier to deal with tomorrow. That was her hope anyway, but she knew it wasn’t going to help this time. It normally helps, but this is much worse, she thought, but still tried to relax her body. Take a deep breath...

She did as she told herself, letting it out with a bit of trouble, before she wiped off her tears. Her tiredness seemed to be coming back again after she did that, and she did her best to keep her eyes closed, until she eventually fell asleep.

¨¨ ~

Amity first got back out of the room when she got called for dinner. And she had completely lots her appetite by that time.

She still felt absolutely miserable, but at least she hadn’t been stared at the entire time.

She only took a few small bites, despite her probably needing much more than she felt like eating.

The room was filled with the same awkward silence, as she sat with the others, herself mostly drinking water while the others ate.

Just eat a bit more... She told herself. She knew it wasn’t good that she wasn’t eating, since she hadn’t had anything to eat since breakfast to make sure that she wasn’t going to suffocate Luz in food on accident. Or even just let her sit in it. But she couldn’t make herself eat more than another small bite.

She looked up at Eda before quickly turning her head away again. “Thanks for letting me stay over.”

Eda shook her head, “it’s not that big a deal. Though I should probably have gotten a little more when I was out...” She looked like she was thinking about something, before she shook her head lightly again. “I’m just thinking out loud, no need to worry.”

Amity had already begun to worry, but she tried to shove the feeling down.

She forced herself to take another bite, but she was pretty sure she couldn’t eat another bite after that. “So... Where am I supposed to sleep?” she finally asked.

King mumbled something under his breath that Amity just barely caught, “nowhere near Luz that’s for sure...” Amity sure wasn’t going to object to that.

Eda shrugged again. “As long as it’s not taking already, I don’t care.”

¨¨

Amity ended up getting some pillows for herself and sleeping on the floor, because she was too ashamed to do anything else.

¨¨ ~

When Luz woke up; she didn’t feel nearly as bad as she thought she would. Her worrying about death had left her mind after her full night of sleep. At least for that moment.

She quickly got ready and headed downstairs to check if anybody else were up yet.

Checking the living room, she noticed that Amity had fallen asleep in the middle of the floor and was still sleeping. Luz raised an eyebrow, immediately becoming concerned. That doesn’t look comfortable... Not that it’s much more comfortable sleeping in a sleeping bag for so long. She almost decided to wake Amity up to get her somewhere more comfortable, before she realized it was a little late for that.

She walked around the house for a bit, finding all the others were still sleeping. I guess I did go to bed a little early... What had it been? 6 PM maybe? But there was also some time where she kept tossing and turning trying to fall asleep despite her scary thoughts.

She shook her head quickly. Don’t think about that, she reminded herself. Especially not when you don’t have anybody to talk to. But they were slowly creeping back in and she could feel her pulse rising. I’m not having this happen right after I wake up, she thought stubbornly at herself.

She looked back over at Amity, quickly deciding that she needed someone to talk to and woke her up, even if it was a little selfish.

Amity had woken up to someone trudging around the house, but she tried to ignore it and go back to sleep. At least until she felt someone touch her shoulder. “Hey Amity...”

She tiredly raised her head up to look at Luz. She immediately perked up a little more, realizing she probably had terrible bedhead. Every emotion she had about Luz in the past weeks mixed together at once, and she could only respond by lying back down again and apologizing. “Sorry.”

Luz let out a small uncomfortable laugh. “Seriously, stop apologizing, I’m trying to forget what happened right now.” She put a hand on her back, making Amity feel even more conflicted. “Besides, I think you missed a ‘good morning’.”

Amity couldn’t stop herself from smiling. “So did you,” she replied, making Luz look a little sheepish, “but good morning.” She sat up, trying to rub some of the sleep crust out of her eyes. “Why did you wake me up?” She was pretty sure it couldn’t be that late. “What’s the time?”

Her friend shrugged. “Dunno.” She also rubbed her eyes slightly, before she continued. “But I know why I woke you up.” Luz sat down next to her. “I just want to talk a little bit... I’m feeling a little off.” She rubbed her arm nervously. “So... How’d you sleep?”

Amity was pretty sure she knew what she meant by feeling off, but it was clear Luz didn’t like talking about it. “Poorly.” She could feel how stiff her body was. “But I didn’t know where else to sleep... And I was maybe being a little dramatic yesterday...” She would definitely have chosen to sleep on the couch now.

Luz tilted her head. “What do you mean?”

Amity looked away, not wanting to touch on the subject, if Luz didn’t want to talk about it. “It doesn’t really matter.” She paused, thinking her decision over. Maybe I should tell Luz about how I felt yesterday. “Or, well... If you’re uncomfortable talking about yesterday it doesn’t matter.”

Luz gave a slight nod. “Oh...” Her brow furrowed. “So why did you sleep on the floor?”

Amity scratched the back of her head awkwardly. “I didn’t feel like I deserved a better place to sleep.”

Immediately Luz’s eyes turned sad, and Amity moved away. “Amity, I’m alright, you don’t need to keep being so harsh on yourself.”

Amity kept herself from saying anything, despite her thoughts screaming that Luz was supposed to hate her now. It doesn’t make any sense... she thought, looking over at Luz, before she finally said something. “It feels like you should hate me now.”

Luz got a much more sympathetic look in her eyes, before she gave a small smile. “I know how that feels.” She let out a tiny laugh, looking like she was about to say something before she bit it back. She thought over her words, before she continued. “I feel like that about the smallest things sometimes.”

Amity had to take a second to think about it. “But what I did was so much worse.”

Luz moved a bit closer to her. “Yeah, obviously? But I already told you that I’m alright.” She sighed. “You don’t need to worry about me.” Luz scratched her hand slightly, as she looked at her. “I know it sounds a bit out of nowhere, but would you like a hug?”

Amity had to give it a few seconds of thought, before she nodded.

She unsurely let herself hug Luz back, leaning into her. It felt nice to be held like that, and hold onto someone after all that had happened. Just knowing that she still had someone she could consider a real friend helped a lot. Though the thought that Luz was just a friend did make her feel a little sad, she felt like it was enough for her in that moment.

Amity was the first to try to pull away, but Luz held on a little longer, making Amity hug her back again. It felt like Luz also needed the hug a lot.

Eventually both of them let go, and Amity could see that Luz was about to cry again. Amity hesitated unsurely, before gently took Luz’s hand in hers, like Luz had tried to do for her the other day.

Immediately Luz tightened her grip around her fingers, making Amity wince, but she let Luz clutch onto her hand. If it makes her feel better I can stand it for a bit. It didn’t hurt that much; it just surprised her a little.

Luz loosened her grip slightly, as she looked at Amity. “It’s so- scary...” she sobbed, immediately tightening her grip again. “I just can’t imagine the fact that it’s all going to be over... That one day I won’t be here anymore.” Luz squeezed her eyes shut, gasping for breath. “One day my mom is going to die, and what if I never make it home to see her again?”

Amity didn’t know what to say. “I think you will.” Luz gripped her hand even tighter. “I don’t think I get your feelings about death, but if you really want to make it home; you can do it.”

Luz looked down at her own hand. “I wish things could be like this forever... But with my mom here.” She let go of Amity’s hand, looking into her eyes. “Then everyone could be here with me and none of us would have to die...” She sniffled quietly. “But I know that’s stupid to think.”

Amity looked at Luz, hating that she couldn’t do anything to make her feel better. She wanted to tell her that everything was going to be okay, but she couldn’t say that. Luz was worried about death, something that was inevitable. She took a deep breath. “I’m going to be here for you as long as you need.”

Luz managed a weak smile, but didn’t say anything else.

They sat like that for a while, before Luz spoke up again. “You mean a lot to me, you know?”

“I do?” questioned Amity, not sure what to think about it. “Even after what I did?”

Luz nodded, “it does make me feel a little strange... But I’m happy that you’re here with me.” She shifted the way she was sitting slightly. “I don’t want to be weird, but... It makes me feel really... warm and fuzzy when I think about you.”

Amity stared at Luz, before she pushed the thought she was having away. “It’s not weird, except for your childish wording” she teased slightly, while trying not to get too hopeful. “And I’m happy to be here with you too.” She decided she would shift the topic a tiny bit away. “And I get what you mean with this feeling strange... It’s confusing to sit here with you, after what I did.”

Luz fiddled with her hands, looking like she wanted to ask something. “Uhm...” she started, before her voice fell away again and she had to start over. “Do you feel the same way about me? Even with the childish wording?” Amity could tell that Luz meant exactly what she had thought.

Amity nearly choked on her own breath in surprise. Her voice caught in her throat, forcing her to nod instead. I have to be dreaming. There was no way that Luz had just asked her that.

Both of them went completely silent, not knowing what to say to each other.

Hesitantly Amity deciding to reach out for her hand again and Luz took it. For some reason it felt a lot different from how they had held hands just before. And it wasn’t just the lack of her fingers being crushed.

As Amity looked up into Luz’s eyes; she noticed her smile had a bit of sadness to it. Immediately her own smile faded. “I wish I could do something to make you feel better...”

Luz bowed her head slightly. “I’m just happy you’re here with me.”

That would have to be good enough for both of them.

***

That’s the end! Thanks for reading! If you liked it, please leave a like! I love seeing that people like my stories! :3

Have a fantastic day/night! <3

#safe vore #sfw vore #non-fatal vore #gt vore #T0H vore

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stop-breaking-my-heart-telltale · 3 years

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Top 5 Reasons Javier Garcia’s Pretty Great

Of all the games in TWDG, A New Frontier seems to get the most shit. Stick around this fandom long enough and that’ll become apparently pretty quick, especially on other platforms such as reddit and instagram... and y’know, I get it. ANF is far from perfect, parts of the storyline go no where and characters don’t get the development they should have, a lot of people were upset that Clementine wasn’t the main playable protagonist, and certain character models look like... well, they look like potatoes.

Hell, I’ve talked to some people who flat out say they don’t even consider ANF as part of the canon and skip it when they replay the series, which.... harsh, but you do you. However, if you do skip over ANF for whatever personal reasons you have, you are missing out on what I would consider the best part of that game: Javier Garcia.

I love Javi, and I will stand by the fact that he’s a pretty damn good playable protagonist. I just wish more love and time was put into developing ANF to give him an even better story but y’know... Telltale was goin’ through shit, so we got this...

But, I still wanna talk about how great I think Javi is so c’mon, let’s take a walk.

5. Javi’s relationship with David

Now this might come off as a weird one, especially if your Javi has a more hostile relationship with David. Even so, I find the dynamic between Javi and David to be one of the more compelling aspects of ANF and I wish it was more front and center than it is but y’know.

So we got Javi, who is the younger, more irresponsible brother who became this hotshot baseball star only to lose it all by gambling. Then you got older brother David who is a military man with a couple kids and a second wife, and he’s always felt a little overshadowed by Javi. This creates this dynamic of brothers who do love each other, but don’t always know how to communicate and confide in one another and it can lead to a lot of tension or hostility.

The route I usually take with a Javier who tries his best with David, who wants this connection despite everything, who made the promise to their father to look out for David and be there for him, to stand with him when he needs it, y’know?

Some stand out moments for me is during the baseball flashback when David’s trying to open up about something, but struggles because Javi isn’t taking a hint about the serious nature, when they stand together on the roof, and the last conversation we see between them if David survives.

Oh, and ya can’t forget the “I love you”’s when David is two seconds away from murdering Javi... that’s the good shit.

And y’know, on the flip side where Javi is against David every step of the way, you can still argue that acts as a more tragic yet compelling story of two brothers who never saw eye to eye, never tried to, and it ended in tragedy... I personally don’t prefer this route, but to each their own.

Again, this is at #5 because it’s not handled the greatest and it’s a bit of an unpopular choice.... but I don’t care, Javi and his relationship with David is one of my favorites.

4. He’s pretty charming, isn’t he?

I’m sorry, I can’t help it.... if a charming character can make me laugh, then I almost always end up loving them. Javier Garcia is so damn funny and I love him for it.

Yeah, ANF is a mess but this dude makes it so much better with his dialogue, a great performance by Jeff Schine, great facial expressions, and just an overall charismatic air around him.

He’s just super likable, okay? Even when you play him as a total bastard, I have a hard time not enjoying his presence. I’ll be honest, if Javi wasn’t the playable protagonist or if he was this bland, watered down version of himself... I might be one of those people who skip over ANF.

He’s easily one of my favorite parts of this game and one of the few redeeming things about it.

3. His growth as a character

Like I mentioned in #5, when we first meet Javi he’s this irresponsible ex-professional baseball player who wasn’t around, even though his father was dying from cancer. After his father dies and he runs to try and make it home in time... he’s too late and David and their mother are pretty upset with him.

And then his father turns into a walker, and the apocalypse happens. Javi is now trying to survive with Kate, Gabe, and Mariana while everything goes to hell around them. But for someone known to not be around or to skip out when things get a little tough, Javi doesn’t abandon them. Nope, he stays with them for years, traveling around and surviving, making sure they have what they need.

By the end of the game? Javi’s proved to be a leader, proved that he’s better than he once was. Again, this is ANF so this growth isn’t super smooth or the greatest, but damn it, Javi makes it work.

He and his family, no matter the combo you got, are staying in Richmond and they’re going to try to start over and rebuild it, make it better than it was.... which I can only assume they succeeded because after that they were never heard from again.

Also, Javi is constantly having shit thrown his way and somehow he manages to pull through.

So good job, Javi, you did it.

2. Javi’s got a lot of force

Listen... Javi is so fun to play as. Like okay, I know that Telltale games don’t have the most complex combat system... you literally just push the buttons as they appear on screen. But I don’t care because Javi makes that fun.

Javi really puts all of his weight into each hit and you feel it. I don’t know how to explain it, but there’s something satisfying about the way Javi fights with a melee weapon, and it’s not something you feel when you play as Lee or Clementine. You do get it a few times when you place as Michonne in the mini-series, but even then, I would argue that Javi did it better.

It’s especially prominent towards the end of ep5 if you go after David and Gabe, and Javi’s on this motorcycle with his damn bat knocking over walker after walker until he finds them... then you get all this intense force when Javi is just gunning and beating down walker after walker to get to the vehicle Gabe and David are trapped in. I love it so much, it’s easily one of my favorite moments in ANF.

Don’t get me wrong, I have fun playing as Lee and Clementine, but Javier Garcia hits different, y’know?

1. He’s really trying his best to care for everyone, okay?

When we think of Lee as a playable protagonist, we tend to think about how wise he was, how he always seemed to know what he was doing and how much he was willing to sacrifice for Clementine... and when we think of Clem as a playable protagonist in S2, we’ve got this sad little girl who gets punished no matter what she does, she’s smart and often underestimated, but she makes plenty of mistakes which she learns from.

And then we have Javi who has a bit of both in him. He’s older and can have his moments of wisdom [like with Gabe and Clem] but he also has plenty of mistakes he’s gotta learn from and sometimes no matter what he does, everything goes to hell... but Javi does manage to stand out on his own among these two.

Javi does what he can, he tries his hardest to look after these kids even though he never planned to be a father figure, he works with Kate to make sure they’re safe. When he fucks up, he tries to make things right... even though it doesn’t always work out. He loves Gabe and Mariana, and you can see and feel his heartbreak when he’s the one to bury Mari after she’s killed.... and now he has Gabe, who’s hurting, and he does what he can to make sure he doesn’t meet the same fate which.... sometimes doesn’t work out depending on your ending.

I just-- he’s trying, okay? Javi is trying his best and I love him for it.

---

Honorable Mentions

-Javi has some of the best deaths/fails moments... seriously, I could watch him confidently run right into those metal stairs and fall to his doom a hundred times. -He’s a literal disaster bi. -He fucking loves pudding and I mean, who doesn’t? Y’know? -His bromance with Tripp is pretty good until Tripp dies for death quota reasons.

---

So what are your thoughts on Javier Garcia? Do you agree with these reasons, or do you have any to add? Lemme know, it’s always fun to have character discussions.

Have any suggestions for future T5F’s? Feel free to send ‘em in! :D

Next week’s T5F

#twdg t5f #twdg javi #twdg david #twdg gabe #twdg mariana #twdg kate #twdg clementine

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inevitably-johnlocked · 4 years

Text

JL Fic Recs: Angst With Happy Ending Pt. 3

Hey all!!

OKAY, so... I somehow LOST the original ask that this list was supposed to attach to, so I’m going to just offer it as a standalone list, because I need it posted for another ask I have, LOL.

So, for whoever asked about 2 months ago for Angst with a Happy Ending, this one is for you, LOL. I’m sorry, I have no idea why your post disappeared from my drafts. Enjoy, all, a rare List Without an Ask :). ENJOY!! And as usual, add your faves! <3

ANGST WITH HAPPY ENDING Pt 3

See also:

Angst With a Happy Ending

Angst With a Happy Ending Pt. 2

Angsty Fluff

A Room of One's Own by whitchry9 (K+, 2,174 w., 5 Ch. || S2 Timeline, Hurt/Comfort, Supernatural, Sherlock’s Mind Palace, Coma, John Whump, Worried Sherlock, POV John, Angst, Friendship/Bromance, Hospital) – When a severe head injury lands John in a coma, somehow he ends up in Sherlock's mind palace. It's actually pretty nice there, and John is entertaining the notion of staying there, rather than returning to his broken body. But Sherlock isn't taking it as well, and John can feel him breaking around him.

To the Nines by suitesamba (M, 2,724 w., 1 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Magical Realism, Pining, Angst, John Whump, Time Travel, Fortunes, Time Jumps) – John skips forward in time, and Sherlock reads the signs that point to nine. John knows he’ll eventually be with Sherlock, but the waiting is nearly impossible, and his body is a lot more than transport. A foray into magical realism where all the canon events occur, and a hell of a lot more.

Reversed by whitchry9 (K+, 3,072 w., 6 Ch. || Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Medical Anomolies, John Gets Shot) – The man pointed his gun at John's chest, right at his heart, and shot.' Wherein John is shot, and Sherlock is the one panicking.

Bridges by sussexbound (M, 6,602 w., 1 Ch. || Post-TLD / S4 Fix It, Love Confessions, Mending Relationships, Moving Back In, Pining Sherlock, POV Sherlock, Past Abuse, Shaving) – The silence between them is deafening, interrupted only by the hum of the traffic outside, and the soft click-clunk of the plastic cups Rosie is playing with on the floor beside them. It is the first time they have been alone together, since Sherlock’s birthday. It’s only been two days, but it feels huge, important, like there is a precarious bridge stretched out before them both that they need to at least attempt to traverse.

London Gods by a_different_equation (E, 11,092 w., 5 Ch. || American Gods Fusion || Magical Realism, Sex Magic, True Love, PTSD John, First Kiss/Time, Marathon Sex, Sensuality, Genie Sherlock, Human John, Internalized Homophobia, Star-Crossed Lovers, Soul Mates) – Sherlock Holmes is a jinn who does not grant wishes. However, when Dr. John H. Watson, recently returned from the war in Afghanistan, gets into his cab by "accident", it might not even need magic to grant both men their deepest wish: love.

The Hand You're Dealt by Lady Sam Mallory (T, 12,092 w., 1 Ch. || Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Light Violence, BAMF John, Doctor John, Injury, Friendship) – Sherlock, John and several others are trapped in a building when an explosion disrupts the crime scene they are working.

Kintsugi by distantstarlight (E, 14,772 w., 1 Ch. || Post S4, Emotional Hurt / Comfort, Regret / Remorse, Loneliness, Separation, Drug Use, Healing, Protective John, Sad Sherlock, Dev. Rel., Complicated Relationships, Love, Angst With Happy Ending, Sherlock is Called Freak, John’s Penance, Voyeurism, Doctor/Caretaker John, Guilty John, Detox, Fingering, Love Confessions, Cuddling, Slight Non-Con Turns Enthusiastic Consent, Virgin Sherlock) – Sherlock Holmes becomes estranged from the man he had once considered his best friend after John lets him down horribly in public. It seems that the world's only consulting detective will be on his own once again...or will he?

The Burning of the Leaves by blueink3 (M, 15,915 w., 3 Ch. || Post S4, Angst, Reichenbach, Parentlock, Past Jolto, Idiot John, Sherlock’s a Mess, Puppies, Fluff, Possessive / Jealous Sherlock, Pining Sherlock, Sherlock POV, Matchmaker Sholto, Melancholic Feelings, Emotional Sherlock, Domesticity, Love Confessions in the Rain, Kissing in the Rain, Pet Names, Panic Attack) – After the events of series 4, Major Sholto invites John and Sherlock to lunch one day. It nearly proves to be too much for their tenuous relationship as the past haunts the present, putting the future that Sherlock so desperately wants at risk.

The Palmyra Atoll by elwinglyre (E, 16,609 w., 3 Ch. || TSo3 Divergence / Episode Fix-It, Stockholm Syndrome, Kidnapped John Watson, John Whump, Evil Mary, Angst, Cuddling & Snuggling, Toplock, Limited 3rd John POV) – As John's preparing for the wedding, Sherlock is preparing to have his heart broken, and Mary is prepared to do the unthinkable. Intervention required. Enter Sherlock. Set before Sign of Three with a far different outcome. John is drugged, kidnapped, and left on an island, but not just any old island.

Wonderful, Etcetera. by VictoryCandescence (T, 16,955 w., 3 Ch. || Wonderful Life AU || Alternate Timelines, Brotherhood, Homophobia, Suicidal Ideations, Mentions of Drug Use, Friendship, Different TRF, Sherlock’s Past, Victor Trevor is Past Boyfriend, Depression, Hallucination?, Love Confessions, Christmas, First Kiss) – Sherlock thinks everyone would be better off if he had never existed, including and especially himself. When he finds himself in a world in which his wish has been granted, he begins to think perhaps even he could be wrong – but it takes an unlikely chaperone to make him not only observe, but understand.

I Think I've Come A Long Long Way To Sit Before You Here Today by ArwenKenobi (T, 18,251 w., 3 Ch. || Grief/Mourning, Passage of Time, Major Character Death, Alternating POV, Sherlock Whump, Pining Sherlock, Hospitalization, Coma, Revenge Murders, Hallucinations, Love Confessions, Brutal Accident, Mystrade, Ghost John) – One year after John is killed Sherlock starts to wonder whether John has actually gone anywhere.

Permanent Fixture by vitruvianwatson (E, 18,836 w., 9 Ch || Post-S4, Parentlock, Slow Build, Friends to Lovers, They’re Good Parents, Blushing Sherlock, First Kiss/Time, Explicit Consent, Sexual Content, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Mutual Pining, Big Feelings, Crying, First Kiss, Fluff, Anxious Sherlock, Inexperienced Sherlock, Emotional Communication, Love Confessions) – Now, as Rosie sat curled up against Sherlock’s side, John watched and wondered exactly how he had ended up here. Domesticity had never suited him before, not at any point in his life. His disastrous marriage had been proof of that. But somehow, here in the warmth and safety of 221B Baker Street, here with Sherlock Holmes reading medical jargon to his daughter, Sherlock’s bony feet nudging against his leg, John couldn’t imagine anyplace that would make him happier.

Silhouettes by allonsys_girl (E, 28,585 w., 7 Ch. || Canon Compliant, POV John, Heavy Drinking, Sad/Depressed John, Grief/Mourning, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Reunion, Foot Jobs, Blow Jobs, Infidelity, Cheating, Drug Use/Abuse, Anal, Switchlock, Rimming, Parentlock) – Sherlock and John find comfort in each other's arms, but as ever with these two, it's not your typical relationship. It's fluffy at the beginning, gets deeply angsty in the middle, gets porny at the end.

A Home for Us by sussexbound (M, 30,581 w., 12 Ch. || Scars, Bedsharing, Grief, Doctor John, Hurt/Comfort, Post-TRF, Implied/Referenced Torture, Sherlock POV, Pining Sherlock, Suicidal Ideation, Heavy Emotions, Clingy Sherlock, Hallucinations, Disassociation, Emotional Turmoil) – He has been on the road for two years, and he is exhausted. He’s almost accepted that he will never see London (John) again—almost. But then there are nights like tonight, where he is weak, and all he can think of is the warmth of the flat they once shared, the crackle of the fire in the hearth, the teasing smile playing at the corner of John’s lips, the boxes of half-eaten Chinese takeaway balanced precariously in their laps. He aches at the memory of it, at the realisation that it is something he may never experience again.

The Winter Garden by Callie4180 (T, 31,213 w., 13 Ch. || Post-S4, Retirement, Christmas, Slow Burn, Grown-Up Rosie, Parenthood, Rosie’s Cat, Angst with Happy Ending, Holidays, Beekeeping, Magical Realism, Sherlock POV, Sherlock’s Violin, Future Fic, Sussex, Honey, Magical Healing Honey, Love Confessions, Sherlock’s Scar, First Kiss, Touching) – As Sherlock nears the end of his career, he's given the gift of a cottage in Sussex. The honey from the beehives out back is amazing.Almost...magical.

Only To Be With You by SinceWhenDoYouCallMe_John (M, 40,768 w., 4 Ch. || Black Mirror / Future AU || Character Death, Future Technology, Sickness/Cancer/Illness, Heavy Angst with Happy Ending, First Person POV John, Pining John, Heart-Wrenching Angst) – I tell myself that next time I’ll come near this same place again. Wait around for the mysterious stranger in his coat to dash past me, hot on the heels of a new criminal in black. I think this all the way back to my Exit, planning where I’ll wait and what I’ll say when I see him. Scheming on how to get his name. It’s only once I reach the Exit Point door that I realize two hours and forty-five minutes have passed, and I realize that this won’t be the last time I Visit. It won’t be the last time at all.

Inscrutable to the Last by DiscordantWords (M, 48,842 w., 6 Ch. || Post-TRF, Alternate S3, John’s Blog/S3 is a Story By John, Divorce, Marital Difficulties, John is a Mess, Emotional Reunion, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Grief / Mourning, Pining John, First Kiss, Adorably Clueless Sherlock, Nostalgia, Love Confessions, Eventual Happy Ending) – He wasn't Sherlock, he couldn't work miracles. All he'd ever been able to do was write about them.

Anchor Point by trickybonmot (E, 49,856 w., 80 Ch. || Truman Show AU || Psychological Drama, Suspense, Slow Burn, Dark Characters / Fic, Alternating First/Third Person, Protective John, Anxious/Worried Sherlock, Tender Moments, Love Confessions, Hand/Blow Jobs, Cuddling, Jealous John, First Kiss/Time) – The world tunes in nightly for Sherlock, the ultimate in reality TV: Sherlock Holmes, a real person with a legendary name, unknowingly lives out his life in a staged setting contrived by his brother. Things get complicated when a retired army doctor joins the show to play the part of Sherlock's closest friend. This fic borrows its concept from the 1998 film, the Truman Show. However, you don't need to have any knowledge of the movie to enjoy this story.

The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse by SilentAuror (E, 50,635 w., 1 Ch. || Post-S4/S4 Divergence, Case Fic, For a Case / Reverse Fake-Relationship, Conferences, Marriage Equality, Travelling / New York, Pride, Homophobia, Bottomlock, Marriage Proposal, John POV, Sexuality, Love Confessions, Emotional Love Making, Public Hand Jobs, Blow Jobs, Passionate Kissing, Needy/Clingy Sherlock, Virgin Sherlock, Touching / Hand Holding, Bed Sharing, Little Spoon Sherlock, Intense Orgasms) – John and Sherlock go to New York to attend a conference run by the National Defence of Traditional Marriage Coalition in order to investigate the potential bombing of the annual Manhattan Pride parade. As the conference unfolds, John finds himself repulsed by the toxic ideology being presented, which becomes relevent to his own unacknowledged issues and his friendship with Sherlock...

Gold Rush by ShirleyCarlton (E, 71,783 w., 17 Ch. || Post S3 / No Mary, Friends to Lovers, Mentions of Past Sexual Abuse, First Kiss, Case Fic, Slow Burn, Alternating POV, Switchlock, Angst with Happy Ending, Marriage Proposal, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Abduction, Anxious/Insecure Sherlock, Miscommunication, Emotional Lovemaking) – John has divorced Mary and pops round to 221B one evening to find Sherlock in the middle of a case. As Sherlock tries to find the identity of a young woman’s stalker, John realises he can no longer deny his feelings for Sherlock – which then, to their befuddlement, turn out to be mutual. Shy kisses and tentative embraces ensue. But will Sherlock be able to cast off a shadow from his past that he thinks might prevent John from wanting to stay?

Repairing the Broken Things by BakerTumblings (M, 75,252 w., 15 Ch. || S4 Compliant, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Medical Trauma, Hospitals, Big Brother Mycroft, Misunderstandings, Realizations, Severe Accident, John Whump, Pneumonia, Medical Procedures, Bed Sharing, First Time, Healing, Happy Ending) – "I'm calling today to notify you that there's been an accident."

Points by lifeonmars (E, 53,791 w., 42 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || HLV Rewrite / Canon Divergence, Married Life, Pregnancy / Baby Watson, Drinking to Cope, Boxing / Fisticuffs, Clueless John, Angst, Minor Medical Drama, Tattoos, Christmas, First Kiss/Time, Eventual Happy Ending, Love Confessions, Doctor John, Sexuality Crisis, Slow Burn, Case Fic, Drugging, Blow/Hand Job, Emotional Love Making, Parenthood, Passage of Time) – What if His Last Vow never happened? This fic picks up a few months after John and Mary's wedding, in an alternate universe where Magnussen doesn't exist, but Mary is still pregnant. Life continues -- just in a different direction. And slowly, Sherlock and John find their way to each other.

Lunar Landscapes by J_Baillier (M, 57,046 w., 21 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || S3/TAB Fix-It, Slow Burn Angst, Drama, Hurt/Comfort, Confessions, Drugs, Pain, Medical, Injury, Sherlock Whump, Mental Health Issues, Panic Attacks, Romance, Secrets, Tragedy, Trauma, BAMF John, Doctor!John, Drug Addict Sherlock, Injured Sherlock, Grieving John, Idiots In Love, Protective John, POV John Watson, PTSD Sherlock, Sherlock is a Mess, Medical Realism) – An accident forces John to face the fact that Sherlock's downward spiral had started long before his flight to exile even left the tarmac.

Hell Sent, Heaven Bound by ConsultingHound (M, 64,381 w, 16 Ch. || Angels / Demons AU || Fallen Angel Sherlock / Angel Cop John, Alternate First Meeting, Slow Burn, Case Fic, John & Lestrade are Friends Before Sherlock, BAMF John, Mind Palace John, Friends to Lovers, John in Denial, Sherlock Picks Out John’s Clothing, Clubbing / Dancing, Mildly Jealous John, Awkwardness, Kidnapping, Sherlock’s Mind Palace, Sacrifice, Worried / Anxious Sherlock, Angst with Happy Ending, Immortal to Mortal) – Ex-War healer and current angelic guard John Watson is not having the best day. He overslept, he’s underpaid, and now there’s someone tagging the Council’s building walls. However things may be about to get interesting: there’s an unusual stranger hanging around (the definition of tall, dark, and handsome), a literal underground cult is brewing, and rumblings are coming from hell. Can he keep his neighbourhood safe, how and why is he being connected to all this, and who the hell is Sherlock Holmes?

White Knight by DiscordantWords (M, 69,840 w., 13 Ch. || S4 Compliant/Post S4, Marriage For a Case, Jealous John, Pining John, Janine / Sherlock Fake Relationship, Serial Killers, Case Fic, Undercover as a Couple, Weddings, John is a Mess, Misunderstandings, Wedding Planning, Jealousy, Drunkenness, Love Confessions, Angst with Happy Ending) – Green. The word green was used to convey a great many things. Illness. Envy. Inexperience. Standing there amidst Janine's chattering bridesmaids, watching Sherlock furrow his brow and study fabric swatches, watching him smile and simper and flirt, John thought it a remarkably apt colour choice. Because he felt quite sick to his stomach, he feared the source of said sickness might very well be jealousy, and he had absolutely no idea at all what to do about it. Or: Sherlock needs to fake a relationship for a case. He doesn't ask John.

Just To Hold You Close by sussexbound (E, 70,841 w., 18 Ch. || Alternate First Meeting, Sherlock POV, ASD Sherlock, PTSD John, Demisexual Sherlock, Bisexual John, Cuddling/Snuggling, Platonic Cuddling, Enthusiastic Consent, Bed Sharing, Love Confessions, First Kiss/Time, Sexual Tension, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Cuddle Negotiations, For a Case Until It Isn’t, Hair Petting, Sexual Negotiation, Anxiety, Trust Issues, Slow Burn, Panic Attacks, Frottage, Hand/Blow Jobs, Referenced Self Harm / Abuse / Suicidal Ideation, First Kiss/Time, Anal) – When a woman is murdered and the last person to see her alive is recently invalided army vet turned reluctant (and prickly) professional cuddler, John Watson, Sherlock Holmes is pulled into a world of intimacy and intrigue he never could have imagined. John is a conundrum and mystery: frank yet reserved, tender yet angry, open yet afraid. Sherlock is instantly drawn into his orbit, and begins to feel and desire things he never has before.

The Monument of Memory by J_Baillier (M, 79,663 w., 14 Ch. || Post S4 Fix It Fic / S4 is Canon, Angst, Family Drama, Guilt, Case Fic, John Loves Sherlock, Complicated Feelings, Mentalism / Hypnosis, Murder, Grieving John, Sherlock is a Bit Not Good, Team Work, Trust Issues, BAMF John, Psychological Trauma, Protective John, Autistic-Spectrum Sherlock, Parentlock, John POV) – A genius traumatised by a past he's only beginning to recall. The psychopath sister that time forgot. A missing woman and a mentalist who may or may not be a murderer. And, in the middle of it all, stands John Watson.

Thermocline by J_Baillier (M, 83,557 w., 14 Ch. || Scuba Diving AU || Adventure, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Marine Archaeology, Asexual Sherlock, Horny John, Relationship Drama, Technical/Scuba/Wreck Diving, Slow Burn, Underwater / Medical Peril, Doctor John, Hurt Sherlock, Anxious Sherlock, John POV, Protective John, Body Appreciation) – John "Five Oceans" Watson — technical dive instructor, dive accident analyst and weapon of mass seduction — meets recluse professor of maritime archaeology Holmes. As they head out to a remote archipelago off the coast of Guatemala to study and film its shipwrecks for a documentary, will sparks fly or fizzle out?

Kintsukuroi by sussexbound (E, 91,823 w., 20 Ch. || S4 Compliant / Post-TLD, Grief / Mourning, PTSD, Internalized Homophobia, Therapy, Past Abuse, Alcohol Abuse, Nightmares, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Depression, Anxiety, Bed Sharing, Love Confessions, Cuddling, Suicidal Ideation, Masturbation, Minor Character Death, Sexting, Frottage, Inexperienced Sherlock, Rimming / Anal / BJ’s, Emotional Turmoil, Finding Each Other) – “I love you.” Sherlock sees the words hit John with almost physical force. He reels back a little, jaw twitching and eyes filling. “I love you,” he repeats, a little softer, a little more gentle, as earnest as he possibly can. Because they’ve been teetering on the brink of this thing for years, and it had become painfully obvious over the last few months that they were at a tipping point. This had to happen. Now it has. Now they can see where they end up. The tears in John’s eyes spill over, and he wipes at them angrily. “Do you even know what that means?”

The Summer Boy by khorazir (T, 94,706 w., 6 Ch. || Post S3/Post TAB/Alternate S4, Friends to Lovers, Flashbacks, Sussex, Bullying, 1980′s Kid Sherlock, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Inexperienced Sherlock, Grief/Mourning, Pining Sherlock, Background Case Fic) – About half a year after the fateful events at Appledore, Sherlock and John embark on a private case in Sussex. For Sherlock, it’s a journey into his past, bringing up memories both happy and sad that he has locked away for almost thirty years. For John, it means coming to terms with the present – and a potential future with Sherlock. Part 1 of the The Summer Boy series

Northwest Passage by Kryptaria (E, 95,157 w., 27 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Canadian AU || BAMF!John, Canadian John, PTSD, Anal / Oral Sex, Rimming, Emotional Hurt / Comfort, Drug Rehab, Falling in Love, Pining Sherlock, Love Confessions, Sherlock’s Violin, Panic Attacks, Switching, Anxious / Protective Sherlock, Hugs for Comfort, Suicide Mentions, Healing Each Other) – Seven years ago, Captain John Watson of the Canadian Forces Medical Service withdrew from society, seeking a simple, isolated life in the distant northern wilderness of Canada. Though he survives from one day to the next, he doesn't truly live until someone from his dark past calls in a favor and turns his world upside-down with the introduction of Sherlock Holmes." Part 1 of Tales from the Northwest

The Adventure of the Silver Scars by tangledblue (NR [M], 142,458 w., 41 Ch. || S3 Fix-It, Post-HLV/ Post-TAB / Canon Compliant, Case Fic, No Baby, Angst, Humour, UST, Slow Burn, Angry John, Reconciliation, Not Nice Mary / Leaving Mary, Dependent Sherlock, Pining Sherlock, Caretaker John, Fist Fights, It’s An Experiment, Virgin Sherlock, Dancing, Drugging, John Whump, Pet Names, Sherlock’s Mind Palace, Scars) – It’s been thirteen months since Mary shot Sherlock and John finds he’s still pissed off about it. Sherlock had thought everything was settled: John and Mary, domestic bliss. But when John turns up at Baker Street with suitcases, the world’s only consulting detective might not be prepared for the consequences. A new case. Some old scores to settle. Certain danger. Concertos, waltzes, and whisky.

Proving A Point by elldotsee & J_Baillier (E, 186,270 w., 28 Ch. || Me Before You Fusion || Medical Realism, Insecure John, Depression, Romance, Angst, POV John, Sherlock Whump, Serious Illness, Doctor John, Injury Recovery, Assisted Suicide, Sherlock’s Violin, Awkward Sexual Situations, Alcoholism, Drugs, Idiots in Love, Slow Burn, Body Image, Friends to Lovers, Hurt / Comfort, Pain, Big Brother Mycroft, Intimacy, Anxiety, PTSD, Family Issues, Psychological Trauma, John Whump, Case Fics, Loneliness, Pain) – Invalided home from Afghanistan, running out of funds and convinced that his surgical career is over, John Watson accepts a mysterious job offer to provide care and companionship for a disabled person. Little does he know how much hangs in the balance of his performance as he settles into his new life at Musgrave Court.

Against the Rest of the World by SilentAuror (E, 151,714 w., 20 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Post-TRF, Hiatus Fic, POV First Person Sherlock, Present Tense, First Kiss/Time, Big Brother Mycroft, Escaping from Capture, Soft Sherlock, Toplock, Insecurity, Infidelity, Travelling, Introspection, Pining Sherlock, Depression, Fantasies, Yearning for the Past, PTSD Sherlock, Suicidal Ideation) – Sherlock has been away from London for nine hundred and twelve days and counting, and has no idea what sort of reception to expect when he finally returns.

#steph replies #johnlock fic recs #fic rec sunday #angst with happy ending #long post #angst fics #my fic recs

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landonkirbyappreciation · 3 years

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Hi I hope you're doing well. So I'm new to Tumblr because I want it to get on a site that doesn't have so many toxic antis on it. So far I haven't ran into any here which is a good sign and people have been really friendly which I love. But I have to say your blog and your Handon haven blog is like my new safe haven for all things Landon and Handon. I just love your gifs and thoughts.

Also I apologize if you have already answered something like this before. But ever since the start of s2 this has been on my mind. But why do people hate Landon so much? I really don't want to believe it's all because of a ship. And their reasons for hating him and saying that he's "a bad boyfriend" makes zero sense. All the reasons they have are him having basic human emotions. He gets upset when he has every right to be he's a horrible person and bad boyfriend. He goes to take a walk to avoid a fight or after a fight so that means "he's leaving her once again." I think the one I've seen the most is how back in s1 when Landon found out Hope has been lying to him about his mom. And people say "he didn't have to ask her about that right then. And he sure didn't have to walk away either." I think the only way I could agree with that is if Landon found out about hours ago and then waited until that moment to say something. But the fact is he found out only moments before hand. He was clearly hurt and upset and after finding out something like that I don't think him or anyone else could have waited at ask about that. And once he was showing basic human emotions. So it makes perfect sense that he would go take a moment for himself. But there's no doubt in my mind that if Hope actually cared about that pageant and wasn't just doing it for Lizzie, that he would have stayed even though he was upset and did the pageant with her. And the list only goes on like that, Landon shows emotions he has bad person and boyfriend. When in fact it's the exact opposite. I swear the way antis try to make Landon sound you would think there was an episode that came out that only antis got to see where Landon commits mass murder, cheats on Hope with dozen different women while drowning puppies for kicks of it.

In 3 seasons the worse thing he did was unknowingly stole a knife and then lied about it because he was scared. That's it that's the only bad thing he's done. Everything else was him doing everything he could to help while being there for Hope when no else was. Also people are so quick to say that Landon is a bad boyfriend but no one talks about the few times that Hope wasn't to best girlfriend(or they take those times and twist them to make Landon the bad guy). Like her lying to him about his mom, or her refusing to teach him how to fight because the monsters were back when that would be the perfect time for him to learn how to defend himself. Or her trying to send Landon to the prison world with Raph because the necromancer was back and planning something. Let me just say I'm not coming at Hope I love her to bits and I know her reasons for doing what she did was rooted in her fears and her not wanting Landon to get hurt. And I can understand that completely(but at the same time not really her best moments even if her heart was in the right place)and glad that at the beginning of s3 she was starting to let Landon to help and do more and not trying to put him in a cage so much(I hope I made sense with that one and that you understand what I'm trying to say with the Hope part. If not sorry). I just don't understand the Landon or Handon hate for that matter. Yes they have fights and disagreements like every other couple. But nothing that would warrant this much hate. These two love each other so much and would do anything for each other and they generally make each other better and happier. You can just see it when they're around each other and away from each other. And if im being honest they're one of the healthiest relationships in the TVDU. Okay there's so much more I could add and say. But I'm going to end this here before this ask gets way to long.

Once again sorry if you already answered something like this before. I know it could get annoying answering the same thing over again.

Hi! Thank you, I hope you’re doing well too! And that’s understandable, it’s way better here than other places, like Twitter. There can still be some hate and negativity at times, but for the most part, it’s pretty minimal. But wow, really? Aww, I’m so glad! Thank you so much!! That means a lot. ❤️

I don’t think I’ll ever understand why people hate Landon so much. I think all the hate started mostly because of ships, but has just grown from there. I also feel like people hate on him because that’s become the popular thing to do. But yeah, their reasons for hating him really don’t make any sense, there’s just no good reason to hate on him at all. Exactly, because he has feelings and has been affected by very serious things, he’s not a good person or boyfriend?? It’s so obvious that they just don’t think that Landon’s feelings matter. The times that he’s walked away were when he was really hurt, but I guess he’s not allowed to feel hurt or take care of himself? Landon isn’t one to fight, he goes to take time to calm down and to think. And it’s not like he does it all the time (despite what some people say), it’s happened a few times in extreme situations.

But yes, people have often brought up 1x14, and they don’t even try to see Landon’s side of things. People really think he should’ve waited to ask Hope? Yeah, exactly, he had just barely found out about it, how could he not have brought it up? Imagine having the kind of life that he had, where he had grown up abused and without a family or home, didn’t know who his parents were, but had that picture of Seylah and always wanted answers. He had wanted to meet her his whole life and know why she had given him up, because that affected his entire life. And then to find out that he had met her and gotten answers only to have it all wiped away? And that Hope had been lying to him about it after the issues him lying to her about the knife had caused? And how they had agreed to be honest with each other? If people can’t understand how that must have made him feel and why he was so emotional that he had to leave, and think that he should’ve just stayed at a pageant that neither him or Hope wanted to participate in, then idk what to say. And true, it’s possible if he thought Hope actually cared about the pageant that he might have forced himself to get through it. But I don’t think he should’ve been expected to either way, he was obviously very hurt and overwhelmed. He shouldn’t have had to stay when he was feeling all of that. Because it was still about his mother and his life and being lied to vs. a pageant. And Hope shouldn’t have had to stay either when she was feeling so upset and panicked too, it was Roman who convinced her to stay when she didn’t have to, which just made it worse.

And Landon’s reasons for walking away the other times were just as valid. Hope doesn’t tell him who she is for months, after he’d been struggling while she was gone, had been killing himself, and was still in love with her but didn’t know it. And then realized she’d let him be with Josie, which also might have made him question how Hope felt about him? That all must have been very shocking, but antis think he’s not allowed to be upset? Same with when he lost his brother/best friend and his powers all in one day, turning his life upside down and leaving him scared about his future with Hope. He takes time for himself in these situations and people are outraged. It’s so clear that they don’t care about his feelings at all. If he reacts to anything, even though his reactions are perfectly reasonable, they attack him. Seriously though, idk what show they’ve been watching, because they really do make him sound as if he’s done absolutely horrible things with the way they talk about him.

So true, and another reason he lied about the knife was because he felt influenced by it as well. Because he had said it was like “the knife wanted me to steal it and then it wanted me to lie.” So not even that was his fault. Exactly, he’s not done anything bad. And he’s not perfect, but he does always have good intentions and tries to do the right thing. And yep, he’s been there for Hope more than anyone too.

And I agree when it comes to Hope. I love her too, but she’s not perfect either, but no one says anything about it. They seriously do just twist everything to make Landon look bad while not acknowledging when Hope hasn’t necessarily made the best decisions. And yeah, I understand her reasons for all that she did too and that she just wanted to protect Landon. She had good intentions as well, and was also scared, so I totally get that. But some of what she’s done hasn’t always been the best for Landon, like with her lying about Seylah, or her not wanting to train Landon to fight, which would’ve been very beneficial to him (especially this last season when he was in the prison world). But yes, she has been able to handle that sort of stuff better and has let Landon do more over time, which is good. And you did make sense, I do understand what you’re saying. So I can see both Hope’s and Landon’s side of things. It just bugs me when people only ever choose to see Hope’s side while ignoring Landon’s.

Agreed, I’ll never understand the Landon or Handon hate either. And yeah, they have disagreements, but they also grow from those disagreements. Like every time they’ve had one, they talk things out and just get stronger. So it’s helped them to communicate and understand each other better and know how to move forward together. And exactly, they both make each other so happy and they bring out the best in each other. And ikr, they are one of the healthiest TVDU couples, that’s why it baffles me when people have such strong reactions when it comes to Handon, and will call them toxic, etc. Were they not around for TVD/TO? Have they not watched them? Because if they’re so bothered by such minor things with Handon, you’d think they’d explode if they saw what happened with some of the other couples from the other shows.

And it’s fine! I’ve posted about all kinds of stuff, so I may have talked about some of this before, but can’t remember tbh haha.

#answered #landon kirby #handon

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ruby-whistler · 3 years

Text

@justalads hi, hello! made a new post because didn't want to clog up everything with a suuper long string of reblogs, so i hope you don't mind!

also, i'm sorry to ask you this, but i have trouble focusing - in your next reply, would you maybe mind cutting up the big paragraphs into smaller ones? i'm nd and it's extremely difficult to concentrate at long strings of text like that, which is why i usually cut up everything i say into chunks :]

(actually had to have my friend cut up your last reply because he's a v fast reader, shoutout ani lmao)

anyways, let's continue the debate i say because there's a lot to still talk about in my opinion as well

/dsmp /rp, and of course all /lh

as for the whole was manipulated / wasn't manipulated thing, there's pretty much a divide amongst most people i know whether or not to call it that - but since that word's been misused a lot in this fandom, here is the instance most people are referring to, for you to judge for yourself, in this very (in my opinion) well-written analysis!

since i myself am very confused about the subject but i think it'd be better for you to read that first, i'll just move past that for now i think.

i attached a lot more resources this time because i remembered that a lot of people who agree with me on these things are smarter than me so, sorry for the links you'll have to click through this time but i think it could help me articulate what i actually want to say better.

i don't think i entirely get your point about it "making sense for him to progress like this". i don't know what you mean by 'make sense'. it comes off as 'he was always going to become this way because of the kind of person he was in the beginning' which, i don't agree with in general? because no, you don't just become a bad person, and especially with c!dream i find that this ignores a lot of the things that he went through.

also, i wouldn't say everyone had equal hand in what happened. "a product of his environment" means everything sort of mixed together; the way the world works; a cycle of violence, eye for an eye, and no therapy or communication.

dream's spiral isn't a result of any one character's actions. c!wilbur started the whole big wars and animosity thing, but that's only about 50% of what i'd call "the environment". there's also a lot of personal mistakes and miscommunication mixed in.

so no, i'm not saying it was entirely "other characters"' fault, what i mean is more that they contributed by you know, treating him as the incarnation of all evil, breaking his personal boundaries, overall just no one treating him like they should a person (this is overall their attitude over multiple seasons), etc..

and also another thing i meant to say was that he didn't deserve the abandonment. no one deserves to lose half their friends once (l'manberg when they turned against him for literally no good reason in his eyes), and then watch the ones who were the last remaining and the closest ones he had, leave him one by one because of an image of himself he had no control over, which was started by one and then perpetuated until he became a literal hate magnet. people did hurt c!dream, and he didn't deserve that.

all i'm saying is that i see where he is coming from, and that his spiral wasn't a result of powerhungriness, or cruelty, or any other personal flaw, but it was literally someone who cared about people too much getting driven too far by the circumstances he was put into.

and i think that is my overall statement for now.

you said i was "brushing it off as george being a drama queen" for the whole dethronement scene. i read what you said about it, and i'd like to ask you to once again watch the actual stream.

george literally tried to steal the l'mantree and got assassinated by techno beforehand. i don't see why he would be in any way in the wrong for dream taking away his kingship, and i don't think it is reminiscent of a power dynamic or dream having "higher authority".

dream thinking george can't handle himself is completely justified considering what he did and how he didn't even attempt to stay neutral. he was supposed to be a diplomatic figure who would make sure the dream smp doesn't get into wars, that was the point of pretending to be a monarchy (because the dsmp really just isn't, it's anarchy with a diplomatic representative and an army general).

here's a thread which besides other things mentions things dream did for the two of them, and besides fighting with him in one (george) or two (sapnap) wars they really weren't "loyal to him for a long while" compared to the amount of times he sacrificed things for them.

"have an equal say in things" doesn't apply when one of the three is trying to keep peace and the other two instigate conflict left and right. like i'm sorry but i don't see why dream would owe them a say in the faction he's trying to protect.

dream doesn't think of them as lower. that actually just sounds like guilt-tripping your friend to let you take care of a pet you've poisoned before and he had to rush to the hospital. peace is fragile and these two weren't responsible enough to be given the power to break it.

to say "george didn't want" it was an overstatement. he literally did nothing as a king and he had no control in the first place (because the dream smp doesn't have a government in the first place).

the whole thing about him being sad was for show because c!george is a manipulative prick who takes advantage of his friends for fun. and i don't mean this in a bad way, he's not a bad person for it, he's actually a really fun character more than anything, and he doesn't hurt anyone on purpose - but he's a jerk! he's done it before and now he's doing it again, and he continues to do it (dreamxdcoughcough-)

so no dream was. absolutely not in the wrong here, it wasn't even supposed to be public, george just made a big deal out of it.

the last thread i mentioned also talks about the whole "spirit speech" thing and, answer me a question - would you consider it justified for all of tommy's friends (even tubbo who he's been close with for so long) to abandon him just because he's said basically the same thing about the discs - like three times?

that's just the double standards though. phil and techno are still being hated on for "abandoning" a kid they barely know - and meanwhile dream's been given up on by everyone he's ever cared about before being given a chance, but people try to find ways it's his fault, like it matters.

it doesn't matter, because abandonment hurts you, no matter if the people have good reasons for it or not, and in this case they didn't. the point i'm making is this character has been hurt and has been actively hurting and it's been ignored for bias' sake.

i'm not saying they're bad people for it, or responsible for his actions. some of them are bad people independently (/hj). but they still affected him.

“if respect is the only thing protecting you from a knife in the back, then respect is nothing, right?” yeah? i don't see the point in this either. interesting to point out that dream learned this the hard way with you know, no one having respect for him as a person and only being able to fight for what he cares about via 'an axe and a shield'.

and no, dream didn't have an arising god complex. he was becoming more desperate for control because of his circumstances over the course of s2, but the god complex only happened in the prison because he had all control of everything (who he gets to talk to, what and when he gets to eat) taken away for months before being shown a smidge of power again. that's just a natural reaction to very messed up circumstances that had no buildup other than that.

the no-remorse thing - he could be remorseful and we wouldn't know. that's not even speculation, that's just saying that pretending to know whether or not he regrets things is a weak argument because we have no evidence for or against; we don't see his pov. that he doesn't show it doesn't say anything, it's a vital part of his character that he doesn't show what he's thinking.

"friends support each other" yes, and none of c!dream's "friends" ever did. it's a contrast with how much support for example tommy, tubbo, or wilbur got. not saying they weren't all abandoned as well, but no one has been alone to the point c!dream was or completely emotionally isolated for so long. his experience in this way is unique, and hence it's formed him in a way it hasn't anyone else.

dream didn't hurt george. he did create a place in the vault for his fish (that would be mars, not beckerson though), and he did do bad things to other people. he had reasons to be upset at someone who he didn't expect to do bad things doing them. it doesn't justify the things he said. it's a lot of explanation vs. justification when it comes to this server, and this is an example of this.

it wasn't a reaction to him being directly hurt by him, which is what you had implied (if i remember correctly) in the last post, and it wasn't right of him to do. also i agree he wasn't betraying him with what he said in prison, he'd done that a long time ago anyways.

"puffy does not dismiss people’s trauma just because they are adults, or if she does i haven’t seen strong evidence of it." jack, nikki and in a way the eggpire. dream is not far behind, but not the main example.

"you point out that she’s a guardian figure but from what i remember that lasted for a couple streams and after that wasn’t really mentioned in canon. if she really saw him like that, then maybe she would have checked up on him earlier and maybe would have told him off."

i'm pretty sure it was canonized by cc!puffy saying c!puffy isn't his biological mom, but that she sees herself as his guardian figure. so yes, she really saw him like that, and yeah, she "would've" checked up on him earlier; or rather "should've", but she didn't, and that's precisely what i'm talking about. that's not how you treat someone you allegedly see as being a guardian of. not saying c!puffy's a bad person, but she's another one c!dream was attached to and who failed to ever reach out to him before deeming him deserving of what he's (was, because admittedly it's gotten worse since) going through.

"she said at one point that he didn’t deserve to see her but she still cared about him."

this is what i mean when i say she has a moral superiority problem. like she's doing something extra by being a decent person. i know this might come across as cynical, and i swear i don't hate the character, but that sentence is very hypocritical, you must admit.

"she did try."

nope! she said she was going to try. that's the problem. i'm not talking about intentions here in the slightest, i'm talking about the actual consequences and effect it had on him as a character and why it's just very sad in my opinion that none of the people he thought were close to him stood by his side or even attempted to help him.

the entire original post was very clearly stated as not blaming most of these characters for acting in the way they did. it was "critical" of a lot of them in a way, but i never said anything negative about them other than describing things they did that had a negative effect.

i stand by that, because i truly believe they did all those things, and them having good intentions or personal feelings doesn't change that. it contextualizes them, but doesn't take away from the harm.

saying "it's not her fault" about puffy for example or that "it was just a reaction" is excusing those things, which is what i disagree with.

here is a thread as to why people like puffy or sapnap saying certain things is understandable but still very messed up, please read since it details parts of what i've said here in an arguably better way.

you also phrased the whole "she didn't abandon him either" part like he was the one who cut the ties which is not true. she wasn't there for him, is the point. another person he cared about who didn't prove to care about him enough to stop him from spiralling or try help at all.

if "they don't owe him anything" is your base argument against someone being hurt via being left by people they care about over and over again until they're utterly alone with no support system and unhealthy mindsets, we might have to agree to disagree :) /nm

please clarify if that wasn't the intention, because it sounds like it.

"i think that how people feel about it depends a lot on when they started watching, and who they were watching. the thing you have to take into consideration is that at the start of l’manburg, a lot of the roleplay was not very serious. the sides were messier than they are today. that doesn’t work or make sense for people who want to see it as only one thing, and are fixed in their ways so much that they’ll ignore canon to prove their point."

i've been watching since august and yeah, i agree. i've always seen c!dream as in the right at that point, so it's definitely different for the people who haven't seen that happen.

"you seem to have a very fixed view of wilbur: that he only wanted power, that he enjoyed tearing people apart, that he lied all the time, and that he was attempting to paint dream as something he wasn’t."

to be fair, you seem to have a very fixated view of wilbur too. i do think he wanted power, but also just to revolt for the sake of it - i don't think he straight up enjoyed it but it was a means to his ends, i don't think he lied all the time but he lied much more than people realize, and i don't think he just attempted, i dare to say he was extremely successful.

"you also see him as conscious of what he was doing the entire time, and sort of treating the war like a game."

i'd say a story or narrative is a much more fitting metaphor. also yeah he's so much smarter than people give him credit for, but i guess covering it up was intentional as well, because manipulation ain't meant to be obvious at first sight now is it? like for example c!dream, that man was awful at it. he's just. so bad. unironically. he did cause a lot of harm, not diminishing that, but man. his manipulation is the clumsiest thing i've ever seen, people calling him a puppeteer is such an overstatement, it's really funny to me.

now c!wilbur? he was really good at it. that's what i mean by "you need more than intelligence", because emotions are stronger than critical thinking and can be exploited easier. all the sentimentality around l'manberg is a great example.

"wilbur didn’t go around trying to recruit people by saying “dream is bad”." yeah no he started by straight up lying to fundy when they first met (if you rewatch the hot dog van video, there's really no denying that), then he lied some more to tubbo while praising him every time he followed his orders, i don't completely remember eret's recruitment, and tommy looked up to him since the beginning, and it's very easy to see that c!wil took advantage of that.

he did tell people they needed to revolt against tyranny though, that's precisely what he did and how he got them to side with him in the war. by tyranny he meant everyone in the server who wasn't european, picking dream as the scapegoat since he had the most power (not by establishing it in any way, but simply by being skilled) and it was smart to do that, not gonna lie!

"weak businessman" is just not true. he was planning to "use the tommyinnits of the world" aka, the "young and naive" (his words, not mine) ones whom he could "mold", in order to establish a capitalist empire based on stealing from people while lying to them about saving them from being sick.

this man was planning to take power from the start and he was going to use lies to get what he needed. from the beginning i have no reason to believe why he would change his goals when he proceeded to do that very thing and achieve it, just put "revolution" instead of "business" as a guise of what he was actually doing.

"you quoted revivedbur’s stream as proof it was, which is funny because despite saying wilbur is someone who lies you missed a kind of big one." yeah, as someone who mentioned people ignoring canon earlier you missed kind of a big one.

the only reason people disbelieve this is not because it doesn't align with canon, but because they assume he's lying for the sole reason that it doesn't align with the way they see canon.

the reason i believe it is not because i believe a word c!wilbur says (i never have and never will), but because it aligns with what actual evidence has been saying from the start, as well as the way cc!wilbur talks about the character. it's simply further confirmation of what many people already knew; an extension even, if you will.

people tend to take things characters say at face value and then use it as their only evidence; "if you want to hear why l’manburg was created, you have to listen to wilbur when he created it."

what they actually ignore is you know, the actions, not the words. according to his actions and all known laws of logic, he was lying since the beginning, and that is the point. and it makes sense for him to lie, unlike in alivebur's case.

"i say he cared about l’manburg because it drove him to death."

yeah he did care! cc!wilbur said so! he also said he cared about it in a twisted way and that he had an unhealthy view of possessions. he thought l'manberg his and no one else's, a weapon of power for him to use however he pleases.

unlike dream who destroyed himself bit by bit trying to take back what he cares about, because it was not power, but people - wilbur saw no more worth in it and destroyed it instead. his own death and spiral was a collateral, because that isn't a healthy mindset either.

interesting foils, actually, i didn't notice that before.

"the whole time wilbur was attempting to portray a character who was a chronic liar and manipulator, and it was all planned out from the start. purely because of the chaos of season one i don’t think this is possible."

i reckon you're underestimating cc!wilbur here. that man could play a convincing, complex, morally messed up character while roleplaying with kindergarteners.

"and, you know, if he’s saying “dream is not our enemy” that hardly sounds like forcing a narrative onto him?" i mean i don't think i need to give evidence as to wilbur calling him a tyrant right after. i was just talking about how hypocritical and downright ridiculous his later accusations are, which you didn't address.

"because what he’s saying is that dream’s actions are tyrannical, his rule is tyrannical, not him." no actually, he said right after; 'big words, that's what we use in war', about calling him that, so i don't reckon that is the case. he was calling him that for the sake of it, and later on everyone ended up believing him about that despite there being no evidence. i must admit, the man's very good at what he does. he constantly changes the narrative to whatever benefits him and somehow gets away unnoticed. that was my point.

dream didn't tell sapnap it was a bad idea because it wasn't...? wilbur was going around stealing from people while lying to them. wil was framing himself to be the victim. like the whole "drugs" bit was funny but wilbur was only making drugs to estabilish, once again, a capitalistic empire he would be in charge of, on dream's land, and he was also doing it via dishonest means.

the intentions never changed, it was simply the way it was achieved that did, which switched from just lying to straight up propaganda when people managed to stop him at first.

so yes, wilbur's definition of tyranny very much was being stopped from stealing.

so yeah, even if dream would've done the same to them, he a hundred percent would be in the right, but he didn't even do that much, which makes wil's accusations all the more ridiculous.

just because sapnap was fighting against being stolen from - and others being stolen from - doesn't make him tyrannical or a government. your teacher in school isn't a government just because she has authority of some kind?

"wilbur’s problem was that sapnap could do that and get away with it." well then that's his problem, because people should be able to get away with protecting themselves and others from people trying to rob everyone on the server of a specific item and then gain power from selling rare supplies.

also it was sapnap and tubbo, they both did the same thing, and wilbur didn't seem to have that much of a problem with tubbo, now did he? he accepted him right after he gave them supplies, then rejected sapnap when he did the same. the people he was accusing of being tyrannical were very selective, and he seemed to be also selectively choosing whoever he was "protecting" from said "tyranny". though i guess "using the tommyinnits of the server" also included using tubbo, now didn't it?

"i highly, highly doubt that was what it was written as at the time."

yeah, dream did quote the lion king, but that doesn't change the way that it was anarchy. dream's "no factions" thing he had going on also included no government by default, showcased by him having problems with people starting countries. if it wasn't anarchy, what was it then? because that's literally the only thing that fits. there was no government and even dream described it as a "family" rather than any form of hierarchy, so i don't get your point. some people are going to have better things than others, and they'll be able to protect themselves and others better, but there is no system in place, that's literally how anarchy works. their mock court with no actual laws enforced by no one doesn't count i don't think.

the fact they thought they had a reason to attack her doesn't change the fact that they attacked first, so dream had all the reasons to believe they were aggressive and was fully justified in declaring war. this makes the statement "dream attacked first" untrue as well.

wilbur knew what he was doing, he knew he was going to scam people for power. if he thought he was being mistreated he could just stop trying to mistreat others.

i do agree it became a lot of other things for other people. i think that's one of the reasons wilbur destroyed it though; it was supposed to be his l'manberg.

if the power was supposed to "let him do what he wanted" then that's quite ironic considering what he wanted was power (you know, the reason he started the drug empire in the first place), not because he wanted to "make drugs undisturbed". that is quite literally an obvious lie he used when they first started and somehow people have totally forgotten that was not the truth.

"he didn't want power over others" cc!wilbur said he wanted to have power over l'manberg because he thought it was something worth having power over. if you consider l'manberg the people, then your statement would be untrue. then again, maybe he simply wanted to have something be fully his because of his possessive nature.

"he would lie about his past actions out of a place of self hatred." is just. reaching, with all due respect. this man might be mentally unstable, but that makes literally no sense when the day before he was saying how he had "plans to make". he thinks ahead, always.

"what if one person wants the “freedom” to attack another? it’s still technically allowed, but obviously it’s morally wrong." yeah that's what i mean by not infringing on the rights of others. in that case they shouldn't have that freedom, just like wilbur shouldn't have the freedom to restrict others' freedom.

also i see the whole "words" schtick as manipulation because it was. they said they "fought with words", like that doesn't sound like a peaceful solution, more like a different approach, and it was because that is what they did.

other people believed in the ideals of l'manberg and they protected it for good reasons, but that doesn't change the fact it was build on lies by a liar and it did exactly what it was meant to do - it divided people.

i actually talk about it in this post here!

"wilbur was saying that he wanted to create something important." nope, the quote continues something like "make them think it's important because you want to have power over it, when it's not." here's the link to the whole clip.

"wilbur showed in the first war that that wasn’t his main motive" i've already said why i find this misinformation. he said it, he didn't show it, and that is because it isn't true.

the "something worth" part is just. taking things out of context to the point they're something completely different. yes, it was worth something to wilbur, and that worth was power. that's literally what that means.

the greater smp did represent anarchy and peace. that were the ideals c!dream was fighting for, and still was later on, that much was obvious if you look deeper into his character, so i'm not going to argue, other than that based on the information i have, it's incorrect.

"someone who wanted peace at the start and someone who tried to protect the thing and people he loved." see you tell me you didn't fall for propaganda and then say this. the thing he loved was his own personal power, and that was the end of it. if he wanted peace he wouldn't be starting factions and accusing people of being tyrannical while he himself was trying to estabilish an empire. i'm not saying he's an awful person, they're all morally grey, but that's just what all the actual evidence points to.

"your view shows him as lying about practically everything to everyone all the time, never caring about the citizens, and striving for conflict."

again, i don't believe he liked conflict for its own sake, but he did create division for his own benefit the way i see it.

yeah wilbur said it genuinely to tubbo when he first brought him armor; when the rule was first established. here's the post where i found it.

wilbur was never a dictator because people didn't listen to him, which is why he did the whole election thing, with his other plan than a democratic election with no democracy being this:

Wilbur: “We can either, Tommy, right – we can either become a dictatorship, okay…we can just suddenly decide, ‘right, we’re in charge,’ and we just start – we start asserting our dominance. Now the key thing to being a dictator, is we need to control the center of power…so we get an army going –”

Tommy: “What is the center of power? Is it like some cube, or like an orb?”

Wilbur: “The army! The army! The banks, you know? We take control of those, and then people will do exactly as we say, right? That’s the dictatorship route, right. The other route is the democracy route. Now, this route’s gonna be slightly harder, but I have a plan. So I was thinking…what better way of making people believe that you’re in charge than by having them vote for you, right?”

so uh, i wouldn't be so quick to say he didn't plan on being oppressive to his people. he was literally planning to start an army and take total control of the economy to "assert dominance" over his own people -because he didn't think they respected his authority enough and was irritated by it - but instead defaulted to lies and manipulation of the crowd. you see a pattern already?

"the feelings of l’manburg were more like friends than a hierarchy even though he was technically in charge." this is the thing with dream though, except there was. actually no hierarchy. the original dream smp was this but actually true instead of just being a front. no one actually needed l'manberg, wilbur made them think they did. tubbo and sapnap used to be friends before this. the friendships inside of it could've existed without, and would've probably been better off without being stained by war.

wilbur didn't fear for anyone's safety, and i don't get where you would get that conclusion. the dream smp was already safe, people like dream and sapnap were making it safe.

"people that were already in l’manburg had been affected firsthand by dream. they knew what he was capable of and so were fighting for l’manburg and each other, not because wilbur told them to." i don't find this true at all, please elaborate because i have reasons to believe this is incorrect.

the quote you’ve listed is very interesting to me, because it first of all shows dream’s “ends justify the means” mentality (that is also shown in an explanation of his motives during moments like this, which happened after the war), as well as trying to end the war as soon as he could.

the dream smp was freedom. the freedom wilbur was asking for was the freedom to take the land, take the people dream considered his friends, divide them and create a government.

wilbur was verbally aggressive with dream since the beginning, back when he was cocky. this only shows that dream was one of the few people who didn’t fall for his words. his main point in his motivation during the war was not wanting to give them independence, which would be, well, giving wilbur power over the land *and* the people. so i think from his position this is extremely understandable.

but back to the topic at hand, wilbur’s speech here means literally nothing, because it’s as untrue as everything he’s said before - in both intention and meaning - as well as being a last attempt at turning the situation in his favor using words. he said he was a peaceful businessman back when he was robbing people, and not like that meant anything when his actions said otherwise. both sides had their losses and were ready to harm the other, neither was the victim, no matter how good wil is at playing one.

dream was giving them chances over and over again. you can literally see he wasn’t hurting them because he wanted to, even despite it being war he was willing to step away at any moment should the other side surrender. and, well, of course dream’s perspective wouldn’t mean anything to wilbur, because he had his own, and he knew no one was going to believe dream anyways; he made sure of it.

i’m not saying he wanted violence, but that doesn’t mean he was good or pacifistic. he was *ready* to be violent if needed (see the armor quote again as well as the fact they literally fought), but i too would be happy if i was able to to colonize someone’s land without any resistance or conflict if you know what i mean. guess wilbur realized rather quickly words wouldn’t work on dream, which is why he got verbally violent and didn’t seem opposed to fighting him later on (during the actual war).

reminds me of exile, in a way. can’t get them to listen to you and give you what you want? get them out of the way in a different manner.

either way, point is; i’m sure wilbur didn’t want to fight, i don’t think him a fan of violence *at all* but he was the instigator and was ready to perpetuate war to get what he wanted. (see him also being willing to make an army to control his citizens, but using underhanded tactics instead to make people think they were voting for him.)

the whole “dream attacked the child soldiers and was always the one to start it” is quickly negated by the way dream constantly asked them to give up instead of fighting. it was literally wilbur who pushed them to go on and risk (and lose) their lives. dream’s said later on that he “had to” do what he did (he was being genuine here), which means he, in a way, felt responsible for stopping wilbur & l’manberg. he didn’t want to be violent, but unlike wilbur, he wasn’t going to be able to talk them out of it. it makes sense he would turn to threats and intimidation to try and get them to surrender first, i mean, what other choice was there?

l’manberg weren’t the ones forced to fight, is what i’m getting at.

dream wasn’t any more violent than wilbur, it’s just wil was better at non-violent, but still morally reprehensible, ways of getting his way, and he used them to his full advantage. neither of them wanted violence for the sake of it, and i never said that; i just said wilbur’s “pacifist” schtick was a total ruse, and never meant anything about his actual “peacefulness”, which i still find true.

as for the whole “manipulated or didn’t manipulate” thing with the vassal scene, the first link i sent here i think describes my stance quite well. but it’s very interesting to note that there’s a theory wilbur legitimately thinks dream selfish, which is why he said that - either way, the effect remains, dream was essentially shut down after trying to gain back people’s trust and help out who he considered the “good side”.

dream was very obviously making efforts, giving tommy and techno as well as the pogtopia cause as a whole a whole lot of supplies, including his crossbow which he had a personal attachment to. he expressed outwardly that he was on their side, to the point where he refused to call l’manberg “manberg” and then was caught off-guard when wilbur called it that during the vassal conversation.

dream was attached to tommy, as shown by fighting for him during the eiffel tower conflict, and also helping him overall. their relationship was always very interesting, but after the l’manberg war, their friendship never really changed - tommy scammed the discs back, that had at that point legally belonged to dream, but he didn’t seem to hold even that against him as he tried to help get back l’manberg with him. they were the sort of friends who would tease each other to hell an back and fight on the battlefield each other but still have friendly vibes… you know what i mean?

i think this is why exile hurt so much, to me. that i believe they had genuinely been friends once, before it went downhill at a hella steep inclide. but enough me rambling about what had once been my comfort duo and is now utterly unsalvageable.

either way, he was attached to the people involved, because a lot of the character strongly indicates he has a sense of responsibility (not control) over the people on his smp. it’s the reason he’d always get involved in conflicts other people started, like pogtopia.

his fatal flaw has always been caring too much after all - and not being cared about back, because sometimes, that’s just how life works. that’s what destroyed him. that’s literally the character, so saying he “could’ve just walked away” is dismissing pretty much his entire personality, but hey, i don’t blame you, just pointing it out.

the thing is wilbur did force him to make a terribly hard decision. dream could either give him the tnt, ally with the self-proclaimed bad guys, or let wilbur get back his power and go mad with ambition - not saying it would happen, but it’s what wilbur threatened to do. keep in mind dream’s main concerns about this whole conflict was schlatt going to war with the dream smp, as expressed by himself, and so wilbur saying he would genuinely do the same if he became president again was literally backing dream up into a corner.

“if dream thought wilbur was being a villain”

Wilbur: How much would you say that me and Tommy are kind of the bad guys here? We… We… I mean, we-

Dream: I don’t think you guys are the bad guys.

i… don’t know where you got that from, maybe you misunderstood something i said, but no, he definitely didn’t. until wilbur convinced him, that is.

“i’m also going to say that “villainization” and “calling out someone for hurting you” are not the same thing.”

yeah, they are. and dream was villainized.

so uh, first of all, wilbur literally said he was going to “use the tommyinnits of the world” in order to establish his capitalistic empire, then he called tommy ��young”, “naïve”, and said that he likes him because he can build a foundation upon him, after which tommy questioned him and he said not to worry about it.

wilbur proceeded to lie to everyone including tommy about dream, the country he was establishing, to the point where tommy is seen confused in both the vassal scene and the revivedbur scene - asking why he would ally himself with dream both times, because he genuinely thought he was a bad person, a “dictator” they were fighting against.

wilbur didn’t reply either time, because he knew very well what he had done and he intended for tommy to think that.

during the entirely establishment he was exploiting the clingyduo not knowing anything about politics in order to enforce unhealthy patriotism onto them. he forced tommy to give up his hill-house and turn it into an embassy, guilt-tripping him by saying he doesn’t care about the cause (which was a lie) and that he can just leave if he doesn’t intend on being loyal.

and then there’s this scene:

Tommy: “Look at me in the eyes when I’m talking to you – There’s been some proper tyranny.”

[Wilbur pushes Tommy off the wall]

Wilbur: “Don’t tell me what to do, alright? You’re getting out of your comfort zone. Who’s the President? Tommy, who’s the President?”

Tommy: “How dare you, how dare you, you must respect manners, Wilbur! There are manners! There is a common etiquette that everyone must follow, my friend!”

Wilbur: “Tommy, who’s the President?”

Tommy: “…You’re the President.”

Wilbur: “Good lad, now come back.”

Tommy: “I – you’re gonna have to drop down a ladder, I’m not sure how we’re gonna –”

Wilbur: “Walk ‘round, walk ‘round, Mr. Vice President.”

and this is just before pogtopia. after this, wilbur proceeded to continue this kind of behaviour on tommy, with the whole “you’re never gonna be president” schtick - here we can see it actually didn’t start in pogtopia. wilbur had been pushing tommy down before in order to estabilish his own power and demand respect.

basically, tommy has been used by every adult figure he’s ever trusted and looked up to. which is part of why wilbur’s behaviour being ignored irks me so much, besides other things.

“when he was faced with a problem, he went for someone’s attachments as an attempt to get things back, and at this point hadn’t been called a villain. i see this as another precursor to the vault, again, the signs were there. the initial conflict of the disk war ended in general peace, it was the fact that dream never gave up those disks and continued to try and use them against tommy that hurt him.”

i disagree with this analysis of dream. he went for the discs because they were physically valuable at the time - tommy had only two, and he grinded hours for them, much like dream for his tools and armor. tommy formed an attachment to them as a result of the disc war, not the other way around.

he continued to use them for their attachment to get back l’manberg and then forcibly getting them back when the chance was provided.

dream didn’t use them once against c!tommy before he himself multiple times showcased how much he cared about them despite there being other discs at that point. dream only used them as placebo tokens to skeppy in order to get back something he was actually attached to, if i remember correctly.

dream fell deeper into using attachment because it became the only way to control his surroundings. no one had ever actually listened to him, and groups of people that had formed were too powerful for him to simply take on without reprocussions.

not only that, he became to lose control of everything - his friend’s house got burnt down and he wanted the person who did it to be held accountable? the leather of his dead horse got used to blackmail him! he was taught this from experience, not because he was “high on the power” or whatever your are implying was the reason.

“when he had then seen that dream would willingly hurt him, he began to call dream that and mean it.” he was taught dream to call dream a tyrant by wilbur, that’s literally what happened in canon. he did genuinely think he was a villain before the war, because that’s what wilbur told him and he trusted wilbur.

i am not taking everything wilbur says as truth. that man lies his mouth off every time he appears on screen. it’s just a character acknowledging what people who looked deeper into the narrative already knew. i’m not going to assume someone is lying when i logically know what he’s saying matches up with what i know to be true.

either way, here’s some more analyses on the subject you might wanna read to understand my points better and be able to more thoroughly rebut them: (1, 2, 3)

“with the sam thing, i am fairly certain that intentional withholding of food would be considered direct torture, and if that has not been retconned i would be surprised, but i don’t know.”

i… am genuinely sort of baffled at why you would think that? the prison arc is literally made to be about c!sam’s corruption, the mistreatment of dream (including mental and physical abuse) and c!quackity’s manipulation of the situation of his own gain. there is no reason to retcon the torture they put in on purpose? the prison arc is supposed to parallel exile and humanize dream. the people who have been analysing it all agree on that.

here’s a shorter (and outdated) list of the ways in which pandora’s is inhumane and here’s a longer one including things implied and more in-depth about c!sam and c!dream.

“the conditions are harsh and it’s interesting to remember that dream was the one who commissioned them in the first place (not meaning he deserves them, just food for thought)”

no, take your food back, i have heard this as a genuine excuse too many times by now. c!dream didn’t tell c!sam to physically and mentally abuse him. in fact he said that people would only be put in the main cell for 14 days max (the maximum amount of days before it becomes classified as torture by the united nations - man’s did his research), and they would have free reign of the prison. there have even been changes to the way the cell works since he’s been put in. he wasn’t going to subject anyone to the sort of thing he’s going through.

the only reason it’s happening to him is because people hate him and want him to suffer. the people of the server put him there because they thought they could use him later on, it’s a literal vault for a human being to be stored for later use, and it’s disgusting. people didn’t want him in the prison. they didn’t put him there to protect themselves. they were fully willing to kill him, and the only reason he is still alive is that they thought of him as an item and wanted to use his capabilities. (dream also buying into it, as he does with everything this godforsaken narrative enforces upon him, “i am the book”.)

i know it’s roleplay, but i’m emotionally invested in this arc, and it’s just so incredibly dark on purpose which people seem to ignore, so sorry for ranting.

“you say that you never said sam molded him into what he became, but you accuse the people of affecting dream and therefore forcing him into the role of the villain. i feel as if that is a type of molding?”

i’m saying no one molded dream on purpose, but what they all did (or should’ve done but didn’t) affected him in a very negative way nonetheless and should be acknowledged.

also, calling dream a monster or standing by while he gets ruthlessly murdered after following all orders and putting away all his armor and weapons isn’t very helpful of them.

“you saw it as skeppy “twisting his words”. this seems to be an example of someone calling dream on his crap, yeah? just because he’s twisting to defend himself doesn’t mean the other person is trying to make him be something he doesn’t want to be, it means that he’s uncomfortable or unable to deal with confrontation of his own acts and will attempt to justify them.”

no. i made an entire analysis of their interaction. that’s literally what he did, there is no softening that punch.

Dream: Anyway, um - you’re really making me out to be a bad guy! Like-

Dream: Look, we HAD to fight that war, okay? We had to fight that war, it was a necessary evil.

Skeppy: [Wheezes] No, it w- You’re telling me, you started the war too?

Dream: Yes! Because - listen-

Skeppy: You started it? It wasn’t even them, you started it-

Dream: Listen, they - they made a Declaration of Independence-

Skeppy: You one day woke up and said, “they don’t deserve that tiny piece of land”?

Dream: Well no, cause they made, they made a-

Skeppy: That’s literally what happened, one day you woke up and you said-

he continuously cuts him off while dream nervously expresses his discomfort over skeppy making him out to be the villain, and his refusal to listen. here’s my analysis of the interaction if you’d like to read it.

“i think it’s unfair to say that nobody tried to help him. people still treated him with respect and kindness for a long time and with those bonds it was ultimately him that cut them.”

no. name one bond that he cut first. george and sapnap? they left him first. sam, puffy, punz? he wasn’t as close with them, but he didn’t cut any of them off before they showed up during the disc finale ready to kill him. if that doesn’t count as them cutting attachments or abandoning him then i… don’t really know what you would call it?

“it feels a little victim-blamey to say that if only they had treated the guy hurting them better, maybe he wouldn’t have hurt them as much.” “you do say that dream is responsible for his actions, but you place the reason he did his actions on other people, effectively blaming them for how he turned out. this rubs me the wrong way because a lot of the people you accuse of doing this were people directly being harmed by him, and so it ends up sounding like they’re at fault for their own pain.”

well, it’s true, though? he was hurt and abandoned to the point when he didn’t care about hurting others anymore. that’s it. that’s his character arc. it’s not “victim-blamey”, it’s a fact. just because he ended up hurting people doesn’t negate the fact he was hurt himself first. the environment they all were a part of pushed him this far, and that’s just what happened.

the dream smp is a literal cycle of violence perpetuated by each and every one of them, and it’s awful for all of them. the problem is that they refuse to see things from others’ perspective and end up hurting each other as a result, which dream is a prime example of. that’s just the plot of the story, not victim-blaming anyone.

see the second to last line of my original post. “the entire dream smp is absolutely screwed, and every single one of them needs therapy.”

here’s another thread about that, actually!

i’m blaming the environment which includes the actions (which were often - not always - unintentional mistakes) of the individuals, i’m not saying they “brought this upon themselves” or anything of that sort. everyone makes mistakes and those mistakes might affect other people and how they act, but that’s not saying i’m blaming anyone for being hurt?

“sapnap still considered him a good guy up until the moment that he saw the space for beckerson in the vault.”

see you keep bringing this up but that doesn’t make sense at all. sapnap came into the vault before he saw that. he made the conscious decision to ally himself with tommy during doomsday before he saw that. he accused dream of not caring about him and george, and left to make his own country before he saw that. you get the point?

the vault was the direct consequence of the hurt he’d endured, so i don’t see why you would ever list it as a reason for people abandoning him? the prison is just them continuing it, although at this point they might have actual reasons, it doesn’t negate the fact that they ignore his bad conditions and even perpetuate them.

“dream was not alone until he chose to be alone. it was tragic that he chose that, but it was ultimately his choice and this is evidenced by the vault.”

people do not decide to isolate themselves for no reason. people started cutting him off first, they turned against him first, they made him the villain first, they used what he loved against him first, they told him he couldn’t ever achieve peace first. he only cut himself off only after all of that happened, and i would’ve done the same! you would’ve done the same. it was a defence mechanism that only sent him deeper down his mental spiral, but it was a reaction, not a decision he made. the vault is a physical embodiment of how deep down he went and how bad his state of mind had gotten overtime through neglect.

also, you might wanna give the vault vod a rewatch as well, and then tell me the person saying those things is mentally healthy and definitely doesn’t need help.

oh! also, a thread on attachment about dream. worth a read.

just because a response is an overreaction or wrong doesn’t make it any less of a response. nearly all of the things dream did was a reaction of some sort.

he lists his reason for starting the war as them declaring independence, so i don’t think it really matters when the official document was sent.

“he also initiated the final disk conflict, with the clear intention of murdering tubbo and putting tommy in the prison as a sort of thing for his amusement. he said multiple times that he found the struggle with tommy “fun”, and said their fight wasn’t over because he personally found it engaging to torment another person, and that was how he got power.”

oh yeah, that definitely seems like something the guy who’s only ever listed his reasons as being peace and has been mentally declining ever since would be completely honest about in front of his biggest enemy. /s

the thing is, the way dream behaves in front of tommy is starkly different than everyone else. c!dream sees him as the “hero” and himself as the “villain”, which is why the pushing of the narrative on his part is so strong when they interact.

besides, so many things he says simply don’t match up at all.

basically, he is very obviously playing a part when he says things like this. nothing he says like that matches up with anything else about his character, and that’s the only explanation. besides, this man’s evil monologues are straight out of a “how to be a scary villain” book.

no discredit to cc!dream of course, but it’s like that intentionally. cc!dream has said after this that c!dream is “reserved” not only about his feelings but also about his “plans” and “intentions”. that quite doesn’t match up with what he yells at the top of his lungs during that scene, now does it? his mask’s very convincing, to be fair, so i don’t blame you. he’s gotten good at playing his part over the years, which makes sense seeing as it was always expected of him, and other people would talk for him if he didn’t do it himself.

“there are a lot of conflicts that dream has started.”

...alright? list any other ones besides the last one?

“buying his line of “only caring about unity” and “trying to prevent chaos” … he uses this many times as an excuse for his actions, and the fact that he was still excusing and justifying his actions makes me think that he still genuinely believed he was right.”

well yes, because he does believe that. he uses the excuse because it’s true. the justification isn’t right of course, but he is not lying when he says those are his motivations, which is backed up by his prior explanations as well as actions. i am not buying anything, it’s what’s become evident from analysing him that that is what he wants to achieve. it doesn’t excuse anything, but saying that’s truly his end goal isn’t incorrect.

becoming a control freak as a result of feeling the loss of control over your own circumstances isn’t equal to dehumanizing the people you’re trying to control.

he didn’t ever take george’s personal freedom. he didn’t start using attachments because he thought it was convenient. i have literally no idea where you’re getting these claims from.

“dream’s actions during exile and the vault do not look like those of a man who is trying to get better but thinks he “has” to be something. honestly, it looks like a guy on a power trip who thinks he’s god and is going to try and prove it.”

both of those are wild misinterpretation of the character. which is understandable seeing as you’ve said already you never tried to look deeper into him, but it’s incorrect nonetheless.

he was trying to get better up until the 16th, which is when the bad things that happened to him stopped going up and instead went downhill, like, really fast. alright, that metaphor probably makes no sense, but you get the point. he had stopped trying at the point of exile, is the point. but he also does think he has to be something in order to “fix” his home.

he wasn’t on a power trip at all, he didn’t have a god complex up until the prison stripped him of all his dignity and then threw an opportunity at him, and he wasn’t trying to prove anything to anyone. that’s an easily debunkable assumption, but, well, guess it’s easy to make.

“there is a clip in which dream says he doesn’t really care how others see him and he doesn’t care if they think he’s bad.” yeah, i know he said that a couple of times. that’s him going numb after he was affected by how others saw him for way too long, which is completely natural. again, a psychological defence mechanism. him saying that he doesn’t mind others calling him a villain or a monster and even seems to agree that his methods are villainous but has just stopped caring makes the situation all the more messed up. makes the character all the more tragic.

“it requires dream to be lying about how he feels all the time. not technically impossible, because he does not talk about emotions.” he is emotionally repressed. it’s not just “not technically impossible”, it’s likely and fits perfectly into his character arc in canon.

“and if a writer is telling their story in a way that only makes sense if you disregard everything they say, i feel like it’s not very good storytelling, unless that is the entire point and the character is based on that.”

see, you get the point here. cc!wilbur is literally the man with an arg around him that has still not been solved. why would he hand us everything on a silver platter? why would he not force us to dig deeper and look beneath what is widely accepted? he literally talks about unreliable narrators constantly poking fun at how the audience seems to take things the characters say at face value, and i’d say early c!wilbur is a prime example of that. it is good storytelling because cc!wilbur pulls it off brilliantly.

it’s also called “the metanarrative”, which is a giant focus of the dream smp if you look closer, especially during the time cc!wilbur has been writing it, especially the establishment of l’manberg where he constantly talks hypocritically on purpose (he said something along the lines of “dream, you can’t just come onto someone’s land and take it for yourself, are you an idiot?” during the early days along with other things e. g. blatant trump references “we’ll build a wall and make the mexicans pay for it”, which i find hilarious) and you know what, good for him. people not being able to tell things go deeper than their feelings is, you know, valid, but also fun to watch, and cc!wilbur’s a controlled chaotic crimeboy.

“people stood by dream. people helped him.” none of them did that for long. “dream still had a system up until the moment he isolated himself” his main support system left by themselves.

i think you’re sort of purposefully discarding a lot of things and misinterpreting the character. it also seems you’re strongly biased against c!dream, which, to be fair, the majority of the fandom is.

look, i don’t want to attack your feelings about characters. you think what you want. but i’m basing my assumptions on evidence and also try to bring up evidence when i think people are misunderstanding because i believe it’s important to know the full truth. however, i understand the desire to not change your opinions if you feel attached to your current perspective - it's a piece of entertainment, you enjoy it the way you want to. you asked about it first though, so i’m giving you my opinion. we can stop at any time if you feel like we’re not getting anywhere, i’m completely fine with that.

i don’t want to seem aggressive, but i feel like at some points we’re just going in circles. would you consider talking over discord chat (better at writing longer messages than tumblr messages) so we can tackle each problem individually in real-time? no worries if you don’t, just thought it could work rather well to get somewhere in our discussion.

also, sorry for the surely numerous typos in this reply. i didn't have the mental energy to go back and proofread.

either way, have a nice day.

#discourse #long post #c!wilbur critical #c!sam critical

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