#i’m stuck in the hospital on christmas eve and day lol | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

titaniumblender · 4 years

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Happy HK secret Santa @emmmmiru !!! I hope you don’t hate this lmao, I’ve discovered I really need prompts when writing christmas fics so I combined like several and I think it sort of worked??? Also plz excuse my ER/hospital knowledge it’s very outdated because my reference hasn’t worked in an ER for like years so I did my best lol. So, without further ado plz have Doctor Toshiro/Nurse Karin and mistletoe, for some reason I really just like RAN with the mistletoe thing!!

Karin was twitchy. She’d been waiting in the Starbuck’s line for a solid fifteen minutes before her order was finally taken. Now here she was, stuck waiting another ten minutes for the actual drink to be made. There were four people in front of her too.

Today was her first day at her new hospital. She was finally escaping the shadow of her brilliant family at Karakura General Hospital, KGH. Both her father and brother were well known and highly sought-after doctors. Ichigo, a renown neurosurgeon and Ishhin, probably one of the best ER doctors around, training a number of great pupils in emergency medicine. Even her own twin sister was well known, Yuzu was one of few dietitians in Karakura and a good one at that.

Karin herself was a damn good nurse and she knew it, but she got rather fed up with being known exclusively as Kurosaki Junior. Yuzu didn’t seem to mind the nickname as much, but of course Karin wasn’t as nice as Yuzu.

So, here she was, a town away at a brand-new hospital starting her first shift on Christmas Eve, just her luck.

And now her need for Starbucks and caffeine was going to make her late.

“Venti gingerbread latte for Karin.” The barista finally called out and Karin practically sprinted to the counter.

Quickly grabbing a lid and pushing it onto the cup Karin briskly turned around ready to get to the hospital ASAP. Only to run smack dab into someone, immediately spilling her precious gingerbread latte all over this nice someone’s crisp white dress shirt.

“Oh my gosh I’m so sorry! Are you okay?” She asked before looking up at the very attractive man she had spilled her hot drink all over.

He was probably one of the most attractive men she had ever seen with white hair, piercing blue eyes and a very attractive face. An attractive face that was decidedly unimpressed with situation as his white shirt dripped latte. He brought a hand up to his face, pinched his nose and muttered, “It’s fine, don’t worry about it.”

“Wait, Toshiro?” Karin asked, his unimpressed scowl triggering a memory of that very same face but much younger lecturing her about proper hospital etiquette.

“Karin?”

“Yes! How are you? It’s been so long; dad really misses you.” It was really her who missed him, but he didn’t need to know that.

“I’m doing just fine Karin, but I think I’d be much better if we could have this discussion when I don’t have coffee all over me.”

“Ahh right! Let me get you a paper towel, I’ll be right back.”

And then she disappeared quickly, trying her best to calm her heart rate.

Toshiro Hitsugaya had been one of her father’s most promising medical interns and Isshin had loved him so much he became part of the family. Did a young nursing intern, happen to find him very attractive? Yes. Did that same intern also happen to develop a huge crush and sulk for weeks when he finally left to pursue his career at a different hospital? Also, yes. But she still had her dignity dammit!

The current twenty-five-year-old Karin was not the same as twenty-one-year-old lovesick Karin, she would not be caught pining over Toshiro Hitsugaya. She was better than that.

Grabbing a wad of napkins, Karin returned to Toshiro and resisted the urge to dab at his well-muscled chest with them. Instead, she handed them to him before seeing the time. “Toshiro, this was great, but I really have to go, I’m late to my first shift!”

Toshiro had no chance to respond before the dark-haired beauty was gone and he was left still sopping wet with latte. Classic Kurosaki.

Karin barely managed to make pre-shift, sliding into the nurse’s station just as the charge nurse started giving everyone the basic rundown of how the shift would work.

Karin knew the brief layout of the hospital and how it worked from her few training shifts, but she wasn’t sure she was entirely ready to be thrown into a Christmas Eve shift just yet. Unfortunately, another nurse had come down with a nasty flu and Karin was forced to cover for her. Since Karin had never worked a Christmas or Christmas Eve shift before she had absolutely no idea what to expect.

She really hoped Christmas Eve wouldn’t be as insane as it was on Gray’s Anatomy.

After pre-shift ended Karin approached the charge nurse to let her know of her newbie status. She was a kind older woman named Yuki and Karin knew immediately she’d like her.

“Oh, don’t worry too much dear. Christmas Eve usually isn’t that busy, this is probably a good first shift for you to learn how we work here. But just to be safe I’m going to assign you to beds 6-12, they’re usually not as hectic as the trauma room. The doctor on tonight is also one of our best. I’m sure you’ll have no problems but if you need anything don’t hesitate to ask him. He’s very thorough in his work so I’m sure he’d be more than happy to help you learn the layout here.”

As Yuki finished speaking Karin spotted a messy head of silvery-white hair walking towards them and she quickly realized exactly who her ER doctor would be tonight. Just her luck.

“And speaking of, there he is. Karin, this is Dr. Hitsugaya and he’ll be the doctor in charge of the emergency room tonight.”

She could have kicked herself; she really should have put the pieces together. What was the likelihood she’d run into Toshiro at the coffee shop next to the hospital before her night shift randomly? Very slim.

“Hello again Karin.” He said with a small smirk, and she couldn’t help but notice the new green dress shirt he was wearing underneath his white coat brought out those piercing eyes of his. He was really so unfair.

“Toshiro.”

His eyebrow twitched; an annoyed reaction Karin was thrilled to evoke.

“Karin how many times do I have to tell you it’s Dr. Hitsugaya.”

“Oh, you two have already met then?” Yuki interrupted innocently.

Yes, yes, they had. She had an embarrassing schoolgirl crush on him, thought their weird sexual tension might lead somewhere only for him to leave after his residency never to be seen again. She was only a little bitter. But it was FINE.

“Yes, we used to work together at another hospital.” He smoothly replied and Karin was thankful he didn’t bring up her family and exactly which hospital they’d worked at. She didn’t want to be known as Kurosaki Junior again and he seemed to understand.

“Well, I hope we have a good shift Toshiro.”

His eyebrow twitched again, and she couldn’t help but feel pride at how she could drive him so crazy in such a short amount of time.

As it turned out Karin did have a pretty good shift with only a few hiccups. Thankfully, nothing too insane happened and as Yuki promised beds 6 to 12 were pretty relaxed. The most notable patient was a man who had smashed his hand through a fish tank.

Karin was forced to carefully tweeze out the glass while one half of his family yelled at him across the bed about his recklessness. From what she could gather the two sides of the family were arguing about some family recipe and it had led to an all-out brawl.

She was a little chagrined when the other half of the family arrived twenty minutes later with his cousin who had third degree burns from cooking said family recipe.

Overall Christmas Eve wasn’t that bad. Karin had learned about the hospital staff more than anything. Mostly that they were a bit crazy. At first Karin hadn’t immediately noticed the mistletoe pretty much EVERYWHERE in the hospital but the more she paid attention the worse it got. Every doorway, archway, hallway, and windowsill were covered in the plant. There was even some hanging off the light fixtures. She privately thought it was a terrible fire hazard but whatever.

After hours of encountering, it at every corner of the hospital during her shift she caved and asked what it was about on her lunch break. Matsumoto, an impressive veteran ER nurse whose only goal in life seemed to be to drive Toshiro insane, was more than happy to let her in on the hospital gossip.

Only for Karin to find out it was all over some ridiculous wager. Apparently, there was a longstanding bet in the hospital about who could catch a certain white-haired doctor under the mistletoe first.

In four years running, not one had ever been able to kiss him. Doctors, nurses, and X-ray techs alike had all tried their hand but to no avail. Not a single soul had ever gotten near him.

Karin couldn’t help feeling a little pleased about this. So, what if she still harboured a little crush on the man and was smug no one had snagged him yet? Who could blame her, he was hot.

It was widely believed Toshiro was some sort of ninja in his spare time because he’d never been spotted near the mistletoe which was an impressive feat seeing as how it covered every possible surface.

“So why does everyone want to kiss him so bad? Other than the bet of course?”

“Karin have you seen that man, who wouldn’t want to kiss a face like that?”

“Fair point.” She was willing to admit he was indeed a very fine specimen.

“So, who are you betting on this year Matsumoto?”

“You.” And with that ominous answer, Matsumoto winked, grabbed her empty tray and left the cafeteria.

Karin could only gape at her back.

The rest of her shift was just as relaxed as the beginning and for that Karin was thankful. Her mind was now completely filled with Matsumoto’s last words. What was she supposed to do with that? Why would she have a chance of winning that bet with Toshiro. Did Matsumoto know something she didn’t? Sure, they’d shared some heated looks at her old hospital and yeah, people usually told them to get a room whenever they argued but that didn’t mean he was interested in her right? She definitely would have known if Toshiro Hitsugaya, star ER doctor had a crush on her. Or would she?

It was these thoughts that occupied her mind as she put on her street clothes and exited the hospital for the night on complete autopilot. There was no way she could have missed her first love liking her back. No way. Or at least she really hoped not.

And it was these very same thoughts that caused her to make her way down the main stairs in a daze. As she turned onto the empty sidewalk right outside the hospital, she was so engrossed in her thoughts that she failed to notice the black ice covering the previously snowy sidewalk. She promptly slipped and fell onto the concrete and after that she really didn’t think of much at all.

Woozily looking up, Karin heard him muttering to himself, before her blurry vision became clear.

“Injured slipping on the sidewalk, trauma to the head, likely has a concussion.”

And then he looked up from her chart and finally noticed just who his patient was. “Karin, for fuck’s sake.”

“Hey Toshiro.” She awkwardly waved and after a moment added, “You know you have a terrible bedside manner.”

His eyebrow twitched, “It’s Dr. Hitsugaya.”

“Ya, Dr. Hitsugaya whatever, what’s my prognosis, can I go home? I want to go to bed.”

“Too bad. You’re not sleeping until I know your brain is fine or someone’s there to wake you up every two hours.”

Unfortunately, Karin’s list of people to monitor her for concussion symptoms was very short and consisted solely of Yuzu. Yuzu, who was also conveniently at her boyfriend’s for Christmas eve. Her brother and father were both working tonight and she was unsure when they’d be off. Toshiro seemed to sense this because he started to open his mouth, probably to suggest she stay at the hospital and she immediately cut him off.

“I am not staying at the hospital tonight so you can forget that.”

He gave her a withering look before responding.

“Karin, I can’t just release you and you know it. Stop being stubborn and just stay here.”

“No.”

There was a long-suffering sigh in response and then, “I guess it’s up to me to keep you entertained then.”

“Aren’t you the only ER doctor on right now? Don’t you have like other patients to deal with?” She asked defiantly, she would be going home to sleep even if it was the last thing she did. Which, it very well could be if her brain was seriously injured but she didn’t really want to worry about that.

His eyebrow began to twitch again at this. “Yes, Karin but they’re all in stable condition for now and contrary to popular belief we’re not usually that busy on Christmas. Besides my shift is almost over anyways. I was just going to go chart for the last half hour.”

“So, I can go to sleep then?”

“No, you can nap on the couch in my office and I’ll wake you up and take you to Ichigo’s. Rukia should be home if he isn’t.”

She almost argued back but then she saw the infamous unimpressed look on his handsome face and knew not to bother. This was not an argument she would win.

“Whatever.”

Karin was momentarily confused when instead of responding Toshiro left the room, practically sprinting through the archway to avoid the mistletoe. She eased herself off the bed to follow and quickly became aware which parts of her body had taken the brunt of her fall: mainly her butt and her head. What a great Christmas eve this was shaping up to be.

She managed to settle herself just as Toshiro appeared around the corner rolling a wheelchair. “Toshiro, no.”

“Karin, yes.”

This conversation repeated several times before Toshiro simply took it upon himself to forcefully shove her into the wheelchair and Karin found herself being awkwardly wheeled down the hallway. Today was definitely not her day. She supposed having one of the most attractive doctors in the hospital dote on you wasn’t the worst thing to happen.

Toshiro’s office was exactly what she expected it to be like, overly organized and painted in different shades of grey and blue. He brought the wheelchair to a stop next to his predictably grey but very comfortable looking couch. He moved to help her to the couch, but she waved him off.

“I’ll be back I just have to go collect some paperwork. Take a nap and I’ll wake you when it’s time to leave.”

She didn’t need to be told twice, she had already maneuvered herself onto the plush couch and was ready to conk off. The last thing she saw before her eyes closed was his scowling face as he ripped a sprig of mistletoe out of the doorjamb.

She woke next to blaring hospital lights as she was once again wheeled down the hallway, this time towards the parking garage. “Do I want to know how you got me back into this wheelchair without waking me up?”

“With great difficulty Kurosaki and that’s all you need to know.”

“Yeah, I definitely don’t want to know. So, there’s no way I can convince you to just drop me off at my apartment, right?”

“Not unless I stay the night Karin and to be honest me sleeping on the couch in that situation is not how I had imagined that would play out.”

Was that flirting? That was definitely flirting but she wasn’t going to call him out on it. She didn’t have the presence of mind to verbally spar with him right now. But clearly her sleep deprived brain had other ideas.

“So, tell me Toshiro who do you think is going to win the hospital mistletoe bet this year?”

Why did she bring that up????

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He replied easily as they arrived at his black BMW.

“Yes, you do, and quite frankly I’m impressed I’ve never seen someone literally somersault away from a group of nurses.”

He groaned as he courteously opened her door before helping her inside his of course perfectly clean car.

“Karin it’s not funny, it’s gotten to the point where I dread the Christmas season. I considered an extended leave of absence for the whole month of December.” His face as he started the car told he was 100% serious.

“Why don’t you just kiss someone then?” She asked as he started the car, making his way towards her brother’s apartment. His unenthusiastic grunt was her only response.

“You could even rig the betting pool; I’d bet Matsumoto would help you and you would make bank.”

“Of course, you’d suggest something like that Kurosaki.”

“Yeah, just so long as I’m in on it, I want a piece of the cut.”

This time she got an amused look in response instead of annoyance.

“No but for real just pick a cute nurse, give her a smooch and it’s all over. Four Decembers is a long time to deal with this.” Somehow, she managed to refrain from suggesting she herself be this cute nurse, but she was sure if he really wanted, he could figure it out.

“They usually start in November.”

“Even worse.”

The rest of the ride was spent in their usual amicable silence. A few times Karin almost nodded off but was pleasantly awoken by a swift smack in the arm each time. Stupid doctor Toshiro.

They arrived at her brother’s apartment soon enough and she nearly had to fight Toshiro so he wouldn’t go inside and apprise Rukia of the whole situation. “I may be tired but I’m not tired enough not to let Rukia know I probably have a concussion.”

“Could have fooled me.”

“Yeah, yeah. Anyways thanks for taking care of me, I owe you a favour.” She said as she dragged herself out of the warm car and around towards the building entrance. She was about to give one more wave when the driver’s side window rolled down and Toshiro beckoned her over.

“Can I collect on my favour now?”

She gave him what she was sure was a very confused look, what could he possibly want from concussion Karin at 4 am on Christmas morning?

She bent down closer to the window to ask him what the hell he could possibly want from her when suddenly her sleepy brain was made aware of the fact that Toshiro Hitsugaya was suddenly holding something above her head, and it was mistletoe. Her eyes went back and forth between him and the plant for several seconds before she finally spoke.

“Really this is your big move. I’ve been waiting for this since I was 21 stupid.”

“Whatever Kurosaki are you going to put me out of my misery or do I have to spend the next 4 Decembers avoiding this stupid plant again.”

He looked entirely too pleased with himself but really Karin could deal with it if she got to kiss one of the hottest ER doctors. Who could complain?

The next morning Matsumoto won the betting pool and was seen discreetly sharing her earnings with a certain white-haired doctor and his new girlfriend in the break room a few days later.

#hitsukarin secret santa #:)#HitsuKarin

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the-writerly-night-owl · 5 years

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What Else is There to Celebrate?

Open Heart/ Ethan x MC

Summary: Ethan and Clarissa are so late but a celebration was in order.

Author’s Note: well I was going to a Bachelorette Party story for News Years, but I’ve been binge watching Grey’s Anatomy all day so I’m holding off on that book. For day 30 (I switched days), Celebration for the 41 Days of Cheer. I’m just going to quit pretending that I know what I’m doing and quit mentioning what’s next lol.

There was a code blue in room 211 where the man started to seize. Clarissa had moved on and sprung into action helping him as soon as possible. Across the hospital Ethan was helping a patient through a diabetic shock. The clock ticking closer and closer to clock out time.

“Mr. Panabaker you’re in good hands,” she said as he was being wheeled away to the OR. Bryce and Dr. Emery to perform a temporal lobectomy once he was stabilized. Bryce had winked at her before she had to return to another patient.

Oh no, she thought, as this woman was having a heart attack. His body spazzing as she called another code blue as she tried to get him under control. More nurses and doctors came into the room and started to help her.

“We need to schedule for an OR,” she said pointing for someone to go. The intern nodded at her before running away to get it in.

She took a deep breath and started to help as best as she could. Her eyes focused on Mrs. Shephard as they got it under control. Perfect as she looked at the clock again. Almost everyone would be off and there at the park except the one person that needed to be there.

Clarissa bit down on her thumb nail and check on her remaining patients. Including a child that had come in for an appendectomy that was healing perfectly.

“Doctor Sinclaire,” said the nurse. “Before you leave, I wanted to give this to you.”

She had produced a small present with a giant bright red bow on the top. “It’s a little uncommon but happy new year,” she said as Clarissa went to clock out. Part of her wished to go home and sleep since she’s been on her feet since four a.m. That didn’t matter as she had something to celebrate.

Finally clocking out and hugging the nurse for the present she headed out to the cat walk looking for Ethan in the crowd. He didn’t seem to be around anywhere as she just frowned. Until she saw him with Naveen down at the bottom of the steps nearest to the door as she raced down.

Getting closer she can hear them as soon as she was within ear shot.

“Come on Ethan, you know you want to,” said Naveen.

“No, we’re not going to accept that,” he said shaking his head. “Naveen we have something special planned.”

“Before you leave Doctor Sinclaire we have the paperwork about the therapy dog program that you helped set up,” said another nurse.

She took the paperwork and put into an organized accordion file before heading out with Ethan and Naveen. They only had one day off, and they were going to make it count. After all it was New Year’s Eve and they had plans.

“Come on you’ve got to come,” said Clarissa. “It won’t be a New Year’s Eve party without you.”

“If I come to your party there has a to be a time where we can sneak off together,” said Ethan staring at her for a long minute.

She had just nodded, Clarissa would have to make time for each of her friends. Why wouldn’t she spend time with her boyfriend? Even if it was a little awkward for some people. Together they had left the hospital and to the restaurant where they were hosting a party. It was the local Chinese buffet place since it was open late on new years eve.

Sighing she wondered what people would think when she showed up with the chief. With Ethan it was no surprise but with Naveen it might get people talking.

“Thank you for inviting me,” he said. “I don’t drink anymore but I will gladly toast with a Pepsi tonight.”

With that they had arrived as she started to mingle. Jackie still focusing on deciding a specialty that she really wanted to work on. She wasn’t opposing to Bryce suggesting that she should get into surgery but still skeptical.

Sienna was with Danny as her date and they weren’t separating anytime soon. Elijah had showed some of the interns one of his juggling tricks.

Finally, Naveen and Ethan talking with Aurora as she was eagerly explaining her last interesting case. Rafael talking with Zaid and Ines about something or another. Basically, everyone had gotten together well and making time for each other. It was turning out to be a good party as she watched from the sideline after meeting with everyone for a small time.

Although it was hard to ignore the long looks Ethan was casting at her from time to time. He had a Pepsi of his own in his hands. She was pretty pleased with herself to see that he had cut back from all the alcohol. Then again, he was only drinking that much because of the condition Naveen was in at the time.

“Hey,” said Ethan as he had pulled her away from the crowd. “Can we…”

“Hold on the clock,” she said pointing to a count down that the owners had put up next to their Christmas tree still standing. Clarissa put down a plate that still had some sweet and sour chicken on a nearby table.

She had taken his hand and squeezed it. Her other hand had done the same with Sienna. As they watched the clock count down.

“Take something,” said Elijah rolling past them as she took out a small box of confetti. Sienna with a blow horn. Ethan sighing and taking a hat reluctantly. Naveen had various items to throw when it came down to the time.

“Three….”

“Two…”

“One…”

“Happy New Year shouted everyone in the restaurant.”

Clarissa only smiling she was happy to have all her friends around her. A few of the nurses that had arrived late hugging each other. A hand had pulled her away from the crowd and her own Sierra Mist splashed up a little before laughing. Turning to look she could only see Ethan.

Following him out she smiled at him setting the drink down before heading out into the streets. Snow piling up as a truck drove by. They finally did sneak away as they started to walk a little down the street. Since she didn’t have a coat on neither could go very far but her sweater and vest combo keeping her somewhat warm.

“This isn’t exactly where I was planning to be on New Years Day this late,” said Ethan grumbling some.

“Hey, you were having fun,” she said as he just made a face before smiling. She had poked his chest playfully as if she had proved it herself. “I saw you talking to Zaid and Ines and Aurora. See you have some other people around besides Naveen.”

He had chucked and put his hands in his pockets, his ears and cheeks pink from the cold. Now she had really wished that she had her jacket.

“Okay I was having fun. Although I pulled you away for a reason.”

“You mean besides to get a special new year’s kiss? I mean I didn’t get that yet.” She stuck out her lower lip and batted her big green eyes up at him. Ethan had shaken his head and pressed a quick kiss to her lips. Pouting a little she just brushed up against him. “What’s the reason then?”

He had grown quiet as she turned to look at him. They had walked almost block to see the holiday lights on the Boston Common. It was still quite pretty as she pulled her puffed vest to make her slightly warmer. They could see the lights bright in the night and a light sprinkling of snow made everything magical.

“Okay it’s too cold and I can’t go much farther. I was hoping to do this at our apartment.”

Clarissa just smiled, remembering last Christmas he had given her a key and she had moved in with him. It was very romantic.

“What are you…”

He had pulled out a box from his own pocket as she just slapped a hand to her mouth hiding her gasp. Her emerald eyes grew wide as she knew what that was. Ethan had relaxed and eye’s softened as he opened the small box.

“The grounds kind of cold but, Clarissa Anne Sinclaire will you marry me?” he asked his voice sounding hopeful as he seemed to hold his breath.

Even though she wasn’t crying she could only shake her head and accepted the box putting the ring on herself. He looked a little surprised at that before throwing herself into his arms.

“I’m so glad that you didn’t make this grand, this is perfect as it is.”

With that she kissed him long, hard, and as passionate as she could. The kiss really warming them up in the freezing temperatures. As cute as it would have been to do it in front of their tree and maybe get Jenner involved, this was perfect as it was. The box holding the ring had fallen to the ground completely dismissed.

He had kissed her back with just as much passion as he had wrapped his arms around her waist. Her arms around his neck as they kept each other warm. Ethan twirled her around some before resting his forehead against hers.

“I still think in front of the tree would have been better. Plus, I could have gotten down on one knee…”

“I wouldn’t’ have wanted you to anyway. This is perfect this just looks magical.”

They had the lights in the back with a Christmas song playing in the distance. A bright crescent moon among the stars. A light dusty of snow falling from somewhere. It was magical and she wouldn’t want it any other way.

Laughing Ethan just took her hand as she admired her ring. It was simple and that’s exactly what she would have wanted.

“Now let’s head before we develop hypothermia,” said Ethan kissing her cheek once more. “Happy New Year Clarissa.”

“Happy New Year Ethan.”

With that they were off back to the restaurant. After all they had another reason to celebrate.

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surveys-at-your-service · 5 years

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Survey #252

my personal laptop has to be fixed, so therefore i don’t have games to play, so expect plenty of these to pass the time lmao.

Have you ever said something just to see what kind of reaction you’d get? No, not that I remember. Have you ever confronted someone about using too much chat-speak? ??? No??? Have you ever revealed someone’s secret, after promising not to tell? No. Secrets are one thing I'm very serious about respecting. What is one emotion that you experience regularly? STRESS, MOTHERFUCKER. Describe the last major change you made concerning your hairstyle? Lopped it all off, lmao. It's been like, two years now though. Who was the last person to walk out of your life, and why? It feels like my friend Alex. She's kinda just... left me hanging for months. I think she's active online, but not with me, despite reaching out. She's also deleted her b.net account or just removed me from her friends list, idk. Absolutely nothing seems like it would've prompted that, though. Are you less likely to approach people that look/dress a certain way? I was going to say no, but the last person's answer inspired mine to yes; like, I'm not going to go talk to people with some crazy or offensive shit on their shirts, nor am I going to just go walk up to someone covered in blood. Name one embarrassing activity that you take part in? I don't know. Like I say enough I'm VERY self-conscious of revealing I RP, but only because I'm sensitive to how the person will respond. I'm in no way like, ashamed I do it. I'm just terrified of judgment over something "unusual." Ever been told that you can’t understand love due to your age? Not that I remember. I only claimed to "get it" (to my recollection) at a point in mine and Jason's relationship, and I very legitimately would've guffawed at and honestly nearly slapped you if you claimed I "didn't understand" love. What is your favorite Starburst candy flavor? THE PINK ONES. Do you think that you act like yourself while online? I act more like myself online. Have you ever lied about something to get someone to like you? No. Who is the fakest person in your life right now? I don't keep those people in my life. Have you ever laid down in the grass, and made shapes out of the clouds? As a kiddo. When someone’s constantly negative, how do you deal with it? It depends on the person, but ALMOST in all cases, I really really try to support the person as best I can. It may start to bring me a bit down, but I feel I'm just like... hardwired to help those I love. I think it's what my relationship with Jason did, as he left because he couldn't handle my depression anymore, and with how that absolutely and utterly annihilated me, I don't want anyone else to feel that pain. Now, for people I don't have much of a bond with, it's easier for me to say "I'm sorry, but I can't handle this right now," but even then, I prefer to help. Does Christmas make you feel like a kid again? No. I'm really most excited for aunt reasons, lol. Do you have any artistic talent? Some. Would you ever shoplift from a store if you knew you wouldn’t be caught? Absolutely not. When one of your pets dies, how do you react? Usually cry. I've only ever not done so if I hadn't at all formed a bond with the animal. When you go to the movies, where in the theater do you sit? Close to the front, in the middle. When was the last time you lost your appetite? I don’t know. Have you ever neglected to take care of yourself? Er. Quite badly during '16, in the depth of my depression. I'll just say my teeth are kinda yellow because of it. I want to whiten my teeth at some point if I can afford that kind of luxury. The last song/poem/story you wrote - what was it about? In RP, the most recent section being written now is my main protagonists receiving a visit from their allies before getting their asses torn up the next day lmao. After a fight, who apologizes first - you, or the other person? Usually me, but it does depend. If I genuinely feel I didn't do jackshit wrong, no, I'm not apologizing. When you’re feeling creative, what do you do? Write. Do you mind being in your house alone overnight? Not really by now. Done so a number of times. Are there any dreams you remember from childhood? Nightmares, yes, and one very realistic dream. What worries you most about death? Not knowing what happens afterwards. Do you watch really old tv shows or movies from the 1970s or earlier? I love The Munsters, I Love Lucy, The Beverly Hillbillies, and The Addams Family. I'm sure there's more, considering I liked to watch stuff with my mom as a kid. Who’s your celebrity crush(es)? HHHHHHHHHHNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG Ever been to a rave? No. Are you afraid to name the person you talk the most shit about? I don't really do that. Like I'll vent about people occasionally, but "talk shit" seems like the wrong word. I don't like gossiping. Are you a jealous person? Envious, rather, sometimes. I get VERY envious when it comes to photography, but otherwise, I don't feel it much. Who do you text the most out of your friends? Sara is like the only friend I text, lol. What would you do if you saw a complete stranger dealing drugs in public?  Honestly, call an authority. I don't fuck with that. I'm not watching it happen. How often do you play video games? What are some of your favourites?  I played World of Warcraft daily until my laptop took a shit. Need to get that fixed. Now I play actual video games very rarely... but mostly just because you can only replay the same ole game so many times before you've had enough of it for like a year. There are a great number of new games I want to play, though. I want a PS4 soooo badly. What are a few things that get on your nerves when it comes to Facebook (or your social networking site of choice)?  More than anything, posting something that's crying for attention only for the person to be like "ugh I don't wanna talk about it." Then don't fucking post it. What are three things you’ve started to like lately? I feel like I haven't found new interests in a long time... Wait! I do feel The Handmaid's Tale and the Wings of Fire book Sara lent me have revived my love of reading! :') I want to go to the book store when I can and get both the new sequel to THT and the next WoF book. What was the last reason for having butterflies in your stomach?  *shrug* Do you need a lot of space in relationships, or are you happy to spend a lot of time with your SO?  I need SOME alone time, but for the most part I love being together. Once we're really close, anyway. What was the last thing you cooked from scratch? Scrambled eggs. Have you ever won anything from those games in arcades?  Yeah. Funny story, there was this one time my sister won a stuffed duck from a claw machine, and it was the one I wanted after trying many times, and I cried so hard that one of the employees literally got one out for me lmfao. I probably still have it in the attic. When was the last time you went out to a fair?  Not since right before the breakup. How far is the nearest zoo or wildlife park from your house? Do you go often?  Like, two hours. We almost never go because of the distance. Are either one of your parents retired? If not, what do they do for a living?  No. My dad's been a mailman all my life, and Mom is currently on disability because she has cancer and obviously can't work because of chemotherapy and all that. She was a pharmacy tech, though. If you could change one physical trait about yourself, what would it be?  Can all this weight like vanish please. Have you ever gone out with someone you didn’t like?  ????? Why would I do that???? Well, I didn't yet like-like Tyler because we hadn't been reunited as friends long enough; dating was kinda like... a dumb way to re-get to know each other? Thank fuck that was only two weeks. Would you ever take a bullet for your significant other? I'm single. Would you ever work at a fast food restaurant?  No. History shows I can't work with people. Are you good at haunted houses, or do you scream your head off?  AHHHHHHHHHHH I LOVE!!!!!!!!!!! If you’ve seen it, what did you think of the Twilight movie?  I never watched them. Have you ever gotten your tongue stuck on a frozen pole?  No. Are you a cat or a dog person?  Cat. Does the movie Titanic make you cry?  Ha ha, yes. I watched it on movie day while at the psych hospital and all of us were lil bitches almost sobbing, lol. Because it's a long movie, it went past our allotted time, but the nurses decided to let us finish it because we were so into it. I do have some good memories from those times... Do you think that fat people should wear skinny jeans? I think people can wear whatever the fuck they want without fear of judgment. Do you prefer game systems like Xbox, or older ones like Super Nintendo? The former. Do you enjoy indie music? Yep! What is the most strange piercing you’ve ever seen? Those ones people were getting on their fingers instead of rings... just huh. What do you do when you’re waiting in line at the grocery store? Look around, I guess. Think. What is your favourite beach to go to? I haven't been to enough to know. Have you ever been to a country club? No. Have you ever seen an animal die in real life? Too many times. Animals have been euthanized in my arms, and a kitten slowly died in my hands once. One of the most heartbreaking things I have ever experienced. Teddy accidentally punctured its lungs or broke ribs, I think, or something like that. I'm pretty sure he was trying to bring it back to its siblings because it wandered off, but he held it too tightly. I was home alone, too. It was fucking awful. Do you live on a Rd, St, Blvd, Ln, Way, or Ave? Road. Do you have naked pictures of someone saved on your phone? No. Would you ever go see an opera? Bitch I played Parasite Eve, I don't trust that shit. But seriously, no, not my scene. Do you own anything John Deere? No. Do you have a push mower or a mower that you ride on? Neither. A friend mows for us; he has the latter. What is the longest amount of time you’ve been stuck in traffic for? No clue. I think during a trip to New York. Would you consider joining the air force, army, etc? No. Who was your first crush and what made them special? This kid named Dylan. I thought he was super cute and cool. What is one thing nobody knows about you because nobody ever cared to ask? I dunno. Who did you idolize growing up? Steve Irwin. Do you believe that we are all here for a reason? What might the reason be? No. Have you ever carved your name or initials into a tree or stone? No. What were your best and worst subjects in school or college? Best: English. Worst: math. Name something you would like to devote more time to seeing or doing. Writing poetry. Drawing. Do you like to get your nails done? No. Do you remember the last movie you saw while on a date? Yeah, IT. Do you like to wear dresses? Hell no with my current body. Do you like any ‘manly’ activities like hunting, fishing, or camping? I find fishing to be fun and relaxing, but because of morals, I can't stomach doing it anymore. What was the name of your first boyfriend? First with the title, Aaron. First *real* boyfriend, Jason. Your first kiss? Jason. Are you still with either of those people from the last 2 questions? No. Have you ever used your bra to hold things like you would a pocket? Ha ha no. I think. What is your longest relationship to date? Three years, 7-8 months. I don't remember if the breakup was in August or September. Who ended the last relationship you were in? It was kinda like... mutual-ish, but moreso her. Have you ever gotten back with an ex? No. Who was your first prom date? Jason. Do you cry during romantic movies? Sometimes. Who was the last person to see you cry? Mom. Have you ever been used? I don't think so romantically, but in other ways, I know I have been. Have you ever felt violated? Yes. Do you like when a guy takes you by surprise and kisses you? Not everyone likes guys, so what an assumption. But anyway, only if we're very serious and have heavy trust in one another. Do you ever leave the house without makeup? Pretty much always. When was the last time someone gave you flowers? Been a few years. What kind of gift can win you over? BITCH buy me something Mark-related and you earn like 20 points. Has anyone ever sung to you? Yes. Do you like massages? Depends on who you are. In almost any case, no. They're awkward. Have you ever been skinny dipping? No. Do you sleep naked? No. Is smoking a turn-off? Yes. Is there a certain tv show you get upset if you miss? No. When was the last time you spent the night at someone else’s house? When I was at Sara's a year or so back. What is one food you always crave? Ice cream. Are you an exercise freak? Hunny- What scares you more, spiders or snakes? Snakes don't scare me, so spooders. Do you expect to be married in the next two years? No. Would you ever get implants? Nah. Have you ever had a crush on a sibling’s friend? No. Have you ever had a crush on a friend’s sibling? No. Are you more of a 'girly girl’ or a 'tomboy’? A tomboy. Have you ever dated someone with a child? No. Are you addicted to texting? No.

#survey #quiz #questions

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purplesurveys · 5 years

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611

Do you want to sue someone right now? Right now, I’m eyeing someone because they pissed me off for Christmas. ...If so, who? One of my professors who held back my grades for two classes of hers that I’m enrolled in just this past semester. Have you ever been abused by a cop? Nah but there was a traffic officer who was just mean to me when I *apparently* committed a violation a few months ago. I felt verbally abused back then lmao. Do you buy new xmas pajamas every year? I don’t buy Christmas pajamas at all. What's one thing you want for Christmas? I want a Nintendo Switch and I’m pretty sure we’re getting it hahaha.

Have you ever called 911 in an emergency? We don’t have that system here, unfortunately. Have you ever been in level 10 pain (the worst pain imaginable)? I’ve been to Level 12 with my recent toothaches. It would wake me up at midnight and I’d never be able to sleep anymore. I remember frustratingly crying at like 3 AM at one point because I just wanted to fall asleep then. What is your cutest cousin's name? Among my first cousins, I’d probably pick Toffe or Sam. But of all my cousins, I’m a little partial to Bree, Ben, and Nico. Were you born in a hospital? Yes, I was. Were you born in the city you live in now? Nope. I’m glad not to be living in Manila anymore haha. Do you feel at all nauseous right now? No, not really. I’m a little nervous for this afternoon’s family gathering, but it’s not bad enough that I feel like puking. What was the last part of nature you took a picture of? Trees in UP. What is your favorite part of nature? Hmmm I love all of nature, but I particularly like being in the mountains. Do you feel like your favorite season lasts long enough? No, it never rains as much as I would like here. Did you ever want to change your name when you were little? Yeah, I HATED Robyn because I got teased mercilessly for it. I was called a boy (which was made worse by the fact that my mom used to cut my hair up to my neck), Robin Hood, I was asked where Batman was...I’ve never forgotten every single person who made fun of it, and I was also desperate to change my name by the time I was 6. My parents relented and tried calling me by my second name Isabelle, but it never caught on. What color Christmas tree do you want when you have your own house someday? Just good ol’ green would be fine. I’m starting to think that white would also look classy. Are you happy with your life right now? I’m mostly satisfied, but I’m not 100% happy. What do people accuse you of the most? I dunno, people don’t really accuse other people of stuff to their face? Lmao. Have you felt depressed at all lately? Are you kidding? It’s Christmas. It’s depression season for me. What is your current favorite kind of soup? Miso soup has been my favorite for a while. Do you feel like you're a slave to the government? I try not to be, because the government sucks. Have you ever contemplated leaving the country? I think of it AT LEAST once a day, my dude. ...because of the injustice of your country? Duh. And so much more. Do you have overdue library books? No. I did have one last month, but I returned it two weeks after its due date. What was the name of your favorite Barbie? I don’t have one. Did you give your Barbies individual names? No, I never played with Barbies a lot to begin with. Does your mom like your favorite color? She doesn’t really like pink herself but she’s supportive of the fact that it’s my favorite and buys me pink stuff if she comes across them lol. Which family member's birthday is closest to yours? My brother, whose birthday is exactly a week before mine. Which holiday is your birthday closest to? Easter Sunday, usually. Is your favorite nail polish running low? I don’t have a favorite. What is your favorite nail polish color? Do you use a sunlamp? I don’t even know what that is, so no. What is your favorite thing to do on your phone? Play Mario Kart Tour or browse Reddit. Which department store do you live closest to? SM, I think. Do you keep a diary? This is practically my diary, so yeah I guess. Which friend do you want back? I’m happy with the friends I have and have accepted the loss of those who left.

Have you ever contemplated going back to an ex because you're lonely? No. I thought about getting back with them simply because I still loved them and knew there was unfinished business that wasn’t fixed when we ended. Does your back hurt right now at all? It’s not giving me a hard time right now, no. What magazine would you like to subscribe to? No thanks. Do you think you would look good on the cover of a magazine? Blech, no. Have you ever wished you were born in a different country? Yes. Do you ever get praised for doing a good job? Sure. Do you wish you had someone on your side? I have people on my side. Would you pretend you were suicidal because a nurse wanted you to? That’s...sick. LOL no? ...or because a youth leader wanted you to? ??? ...or because a stranger wanted you to? What does it even mean to pretend to be suicidal??? Do your peers label you as depressed and reject you because of it? They know I’m depressed and occasionally suicidal but they don’t reject me, because everyone else seems to be depressed and suicidal too. Who was the last person you met who wasn't toxic? Justine. We’re not close by any means, but I don’t peg her as toxic either. Do you feel like your life is just work, work, work, with no reward? No. There are lots of rewards here and there. I just have to know where to look. Do you ever get praised for your hard work? Sure. Do you ever get tired of the abuse and just want to quit? That’s a little too heavy for Christmas eve lmao but yeah I guess. Do you wish there were penalties for abuse in your country? Abuse is a very broad word dude. But yes, penalties for that kind of stuff are always welcome for me. Do you wish there were a refuge for the abused in your country? Sure. Do you wish you had a safe place you could go where people cared about you? I do. It’s called my org. Do you feel happy right now? I’m feeling content but I think it’s a little selfish to claim happiness right now because I don’t think I am. What color were the last pair of pajamas you wore? I don’t wear pajamas cos I find them too warm heh.

Do you put sugar in your tea? I don’t drink tea. What's one childhood dream that has stuck with you? Being involved with WWE in some way or another. Does anyone encourage you to go after your dreams? Of course. ^Did that last statement bring pain with it? No? What color was the last mug you drank out of? White, but it’s one of those mugs that changes colors if it’s hot so that I’d know...well, if my drink is still hot. Do you feel hot today? No. The downstairs aircon has been on all morning so I’m freezing. What was your favorite book you had to read for school? Without Seeing the Dawn by Stevan Javellana. Are you exhausted? A bit, yes. How many tabletop Christmas trees do you have? Zero. Do you think skydiving sounds fun? Yes. Who do you know who has been skydiving? I don’t think so. Do you itch right now? Nope. What is the ugliest animal known to man (in your opinion)? Cockroaches. Do you eat meat? I do. Have you ever purchased a poinsettia? I haven’t. Do you like poinsettias? They’re okay. Would you want your bday to be on a holiday? My birthday fell on a holiday this year and it’s safe to say that IT SUCKS, because no one will be available to celebrate your birthday with you.

#survey #surveys

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toumakibangs · 6 years

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Update on the *TouMaki Advent Calendar*

Hello hello hello TouMaki shippers!

It’s been less than a week since the sign-ups for the upcoming Advent Calendar opened, here at TouMakiBangs, and we’ve alreay filled almost half of the slots!

So if you would like to participate, hurry up and claim your own prompt! :D

THE MAIN POST FEATURING ALL THE RULES, DEADLINES AND INFORMATION CAN BE FOUND HERE.

Under the cut, you will find an updated list of all the prompts still available: the taken ones have been crossed out.

I remind you that you have to choose from the MAIN LIST, and that the prompts featured under the SUPPORTING LISTS (1 & 2) are only meant to be, as the name suggests, a support to the main one. Obviously, if you would like to work on a Christmas prompt of your own or coming from another list you found, that’s fine as well!^^

Now, let’s check what awesome ideas are still waiting to be picked:

MAIN LIST (Christmas Themes) [the original post can be found here]

Carol

Mistletoe

Bows

Lights

Oranges

Ivy

Ribbon

Fruitcake

Snowflakes

Angel

Nutcracker

Pudding

Ornaments

Goose

Parties

Jumpers

North Star

Pageant

Icicles

Stable

Paper Hats

Stockings

Pine Cones

Toys

Wreath

Chestnuts

Camel

Sleigh

Elf

White

Donkey

Pie

Frost

Antlers

Tinsel

Pear

Snowman

Yule log

Bells

Family

Scarf

Candy canes

Traffic

Snowflake

Red

Crackers

Fir

North Pole

Drums

Turkey

Eve

Ornament

Poinsettia

Coal

Green

Cranberry sauce

Chestnut

Heritage

Jingle

Shepherds

Mittens

Menorah

Shopping

Cards

Kiss

Merry

Eggnog

Trains

Hymn

Gingerbread

Stuffing

Holly

Gift

Solstice

Fireplace

Winter

Chime

Parade

Snow globe

Tradition

Berry

Invitation

Spirit

Partridge

Nutmeg

Rooftop

Chimney

Garland

Robin

Bauble

Candles

Sled

Reunion

Oven

Wrapping paper

Sweets

Resolution

Baking

Decorations

Choir

SUPPORTING PROMPTS #1 [original post here]

Character A and Character B, sworn enemies, are chosen to prepare the company Christmas Party.

Character A’s best friend rigs the Secret Santa, because they know Character A has a crush on Character B.

Character A works as a Santa’s helper. Character B has a small sibling/child.

Character A is desperate to find a particular item (book/toy/etc.) as a present for someone, but it’s been sold out everywhere. Character B helps.

Character A and Character B are co-workers, but they barely know each other. But they both have to work through the holidays.

Character A and Character B meet in the ER on Christmas Eve.

Character A can’t wrap gifts to save their life. Character B is thir neighbor and can help.

Character A’s ex will be at the Christmas Party A is attending. Character B poses as A’s fiance.

Character A vows to do something nice for a stranger during the Christmas time. Character B is that stranger.

Character A and Character B both sign up for a Christmas Pen Pal project to exchange postcards.

Character A and Character B broke up, but now they meet at a Christmas party.

Character A is stuck working in coffee shop on Christmas Day and Character B is the lonely soul spending their whole day there.

Character A’s little sibling/child wants to meet their favorite celebrity/writer/person for Christmas. Character B is said “Christmas present”.

Character A can’t travel to see their family on Christmas, so they invite their grumpy loner neighbor Character B.

Character A and Character B compete in Christmas house decoration.

Character A bakes too many Christmas cookies so they share it with Character B.

Character A has to dress up as Santa for Christmas.

Character A and Character B have to save Christmas.

It’s Character A’s first Christmas since a tragedy.

Character A returns to their birth-town for the holidays. Character B is their estranged childhood best friend.

Character A is pretending to be their friend’s lover for the sake of the friend’s family. Character B is said friend’s sibling.

Character A loses a bet and has to wear a different ugly Christmas sweater every day till Christmas. Character B works at a clothes store.

Character owns a struggling toy store. Character B is looking for a Christmas present.

Character A doesn’t feel the Christmas spirit but Character B, who lives above them, keeps playing Christmas carols really loud.

Character A overhears Character B’s Christmas wish and decides to fulfill it,

SUPPORTING PROMPTS#2 [original post here]

“i know we hate each other but it’s christmas eve and your flight was cancelled please come inside”

“i got you for secret santa so i got you this really expensive but sentimental gift that you’ve always wanted, hoping you’ll never find out it’s from me - and that i’ve been in love with you 1234567 years” SNOWBALL FIGHTS

“hi we’re neighbours and omg are you alright i could smell cooking burning - whoaaa now that’s just embarrassing? step aside i’ll handle this”

person a seducing person b into taking a few steps back/backing them against the wall (”oh look, how did that mistletoe get right there????”)

“you’re in the hospital for the holidays so i came in while you were sleeping to decorate your room i love you merry christmas”

“YES I BOOBY TRAPPED THE PRESENTS BECAUSE YOU DO THIS EVERY FUCKING YEAR”

“i live below you and i was minding my own business watching the snowfall out the window WHEN I SAW A BODY FALL ARE YOU REALLY PUTTING UP CHRISTMAS LIGHTS NOW”

I KNITTED YOU A JUMPER

MY MOM KNITTED YOU A JUMPER

“we’re strictly ‘platonic’ but we’re snowed in omg we’re gonna have to repopulate the earth”

“i slipped on ice outside your house and you ran out barefoot to help me quick let’s get inside under a blanket”

“’it’s a wonderful life’ aww it sounds so cute babe sure we can watch it! *30 mins later* “YOU MONSTER”

“we were playing in the snow and you suddenly tackled me to the ground and now…we’re just…staring… at each other…”

“YOU DON’T LIKE MARSHMALLOWS IN YOUR HOT CHOCOLATE? WHY DO YOU HATE LOVE”

TREE DECORATING (bonus points if one of them is doing it completely wrong omg why am i in love with you)

“we took our kids to santa’s workshop and they both wished we would get together” FRIENDS AU - “our christmas party turned into a tropical theme because the radiator is broken and it’s hotter than hell in here - damn you look good without a shirt i never noticed before asgdhfjgkhl”

“we’re co workers who hate each other but you had too much to drink at the staff christmas party and admitted your love for me i don’t know how to act around you now”

DRUNKEN CAROLLING (”that’s not a thing” “oh yes it is”)

TEACH ME HOW TO SKI (lol jk i know how you’re just so fucking cute)

“there’s a storm and omg i’m losing signal are you okay?? hold on let me drive 489432 miles to get you the night before christmas”

PULLING YOU IN FOR A KISS WITH A SCARF

“i did that annoying thing where i put loads of smaller boxes inside one big box and you’re getting really mad but you don’t know that the ring is in the smallest box and i can’t wait to see your face”

#toumaki #toudou jinpachi #makishima yuusuke #yowamushi pedal #yowapeda

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never-not-ever · 7 years

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2017/1 year anniversary with my girlfriend

How We Met

So I actually met my girlfriend on OkCupid when I was down here at my Aunts house last January. I love visiting my Aunt and we do hang out and go places but there’s also a lot of down time. So last year when I was down here I was bored and made an online dating account. At first it was just guys but I got pretty bored of that and started thinking how a lot of the guys weren’t my type and then I was questioning what my type even was and what gender too! So I decided to switch my “looking for” to women and it was the best decision I’ve ever made. I started talking to Andrea and I remember it all so clear and it’s so crazy to be back in this bedroom where it all began. Laying on this very bed where I stayed up late talking to this amazing woman. It sounds cliche and I don’t know how but I stumbled across Girls Like Girls by Hayley Kiyoko and that was literally my anthem for that month. I mean come on the song was perfect for me. It was like my own little cheerleader in the background telling me that what I was doing was okay except I didn’t need anyone to tell me it was okay because I knew in my heart that it was perfectly okay and perfectly normal. We started talking on January 13th. I left WV and took the Amtrak train home to Boston on January 16th and that day I heard her voice for the first time. I remember it like it was yesterday! I was on the train and getting closer and closer to Boston. We were so giddy and nervous to talk on the phone but looking back it was the cutest thing. That night we talked on the phone for 2 hours. I met her the next day on January 17th and almost a week later we made it official. January 23rd, 2017.

2017

January

So the rest of the month is a blur. Lots of dates and hanging out. Meeting her family etc. Her meeting my gm. This month should have been filled with pure joy but there was also heartache. This also happened to be the month I had a fall out with my two ex-best friends. Not going to go into specifics, just that it was very painful and very toxic.

February

Our first Valentine’s Day! I bought her flowers and she stuck post it notes around her room with little reasons why she loved me or little fun facts about us. I think it was after Valentine’s Day where I started working more and more in the Florist. I’ve been at my job for almost 8 years now and I’d always help out in the florist around the holidays but this year I moved to that department permanently. February is also the month her parents go away so I basically stayed at her house all the time! They have a 16 year old dog and Andrea works a lot and couldn't take her out all the time so her sister moved home for the month and since I was always there I grew closer to her sister during this month.

March

Nothing too grand and exciting.

April

We went on our first vacation to Virginia Beach and it was so much fun. Our hotel room was amazing and right on the beach! The weather was perfect and we did so much. I’d love to go back again because it was just a great time filled with lots of memories! I started talking to one of my ex-friends around this time too.

May

Birthday month! My first birthday in years were I didn’t wish to be dead when I blew out the candles. Sounds dramatic but I’m not joking. We spent the day together and I saved a baby squirrel from a rest stop parking lot. Ruined my “Normal People Scare Me” hoodie by wrapping the little guy up in it who was covered in fleas and bugs. I also started talking to the other ex-friend again but it just wasn’t the same. I think by this month I was officially a florist clerk! Besides meeting Andrea, switching departments at my job made my year. I became so much more happier and cheerful at work. I also went to my first wedding (since I was a kid which I don’t even remember!). It was a waterfront wedding and amazing. I’ll always remember that night! I wore a dress for the first time since prom!

June

I went to London!! It wasn’t as long as I would have liked but it was amazing!! I could honestly see myself living there. I went with my cousin and my uncle who was on a business trip. It was the highlight of my Summer. Went to another wedding. It wasn’t as nice as the first one but it was still a great time! It was out in western Mass and we slept overnight at a nearby hotel. The next morning me and Andrea decided to take a drive down to NYC. It was spontaneous and I loved it even though we got there around suppertime and didn’t get to do much. It was still a good time!

July

Andrea’s family has a huge 4th of July BBQ and that was a pretty great day! I wore another dress lol! My old friends came and we all hung out and played games and then watched the fireworks on a dock in the water. It was so nice to have everyone together but that was the first and last time it ever happened. A strange and mysterious thing happened this month. A baby kitten was found in my front entrance. You see, to get in my house you have to go up a flight of stairs and open not only a storm door but a regular door as well. That brings you to a little square hallway where we keep the mail and theres two more doors-one leads to the second floor where I live with my gm and the other is for the first floor where my uncle lives. We keep the mail on a little set of shelves in that hallways and one morning my gm was taking my dog out and there was a kitten sitting on the bottom shelf! We named her Delilah and kept her and she’s been a part of the family ever since.

August

This month was a blur. Nothing big and exciting happened. Met my new psychiatrist and started preparing to say goodbye to my therapist whom I would be terminating with in the next month.

September

Went on our second vacation together to D.C. My body image was crap and it kind of sorta ruined the trip cause I was always so self conscious being in public and stuff. In the end it was still nice just being able to get away and spend time alone. It was Andrea’s birthday and I made her a collage of our pictures that said “I like me best when I’m with you”. It was cute. When we got back from our trip I started up EMT classes again. I took the course in 2014 and passed all but one test (the state written) and I let too much time go by so I decided to retake the course. At the end of the month I had to say goodbye to my therapist. Someone I worked with since April of 2016 when I was inpatient. It was so hard to say goodbye because for over a year I saw this woman almost every single week and she helped me thru times when I thought I was going to end up back in the hospital. I also stopped going to my DBT group as well. Stopping with therapy wasn’t my choice, stopping with group was. This also was the month I stopped talking to my ex-best friend whom I was friends with for over 10 years. We didn’t have a big fight or anything we just drifted apart. “You didn’t text me” “But you didn’t text me” so typically but it was bound to happen. People change and there’s nothing wrong with that. I feel like for the most of 2017 I kept trying to prove that I didn’t change like it was some bad thing when in reality it’s okay to change, it’s part of life.

October

And to follow along with that last month I also stopped talking to my other ex-friend. I have nothing against them. They were there for me when I was at rock bottom in 2016 and for that I will be forever grateful. In 2017 however things were very rocky. Things felt forced, like I was walking on eggshells afraid to do something wrong. A never-ending rollercoaster that finally came to a stop in the end of October. I’m not going to lie and say that my life has been great ever since. Because it hasn’t. I mean yes it’s been okay and I’ve been happy but I’ve also been so down because of all that’s happened with them, second guessing myself and wondering “what if”. But in the end we all moved on and that’s all that matters because in the end life moves on.

November

This Thanksgiving me, my uncle and my gm went over to Andrea’s and it was so much fun. After my people went home I stayed and played games with her brothers and sister and their significant others. We listened to Christmas music and just had a blast. Me and Andrea started Christmas shopping and listening to Christmas music and it was the start to a wonderful holiday. In the end of the month I took my class written exam and in some surprising turn of events I passed! Like I was so shocked because I didn’t study at all and went into that exam knowing that I could retake it and thinking that thats what was going to happen. But I didn’t have to because I passed!!

December

More Christmas shopping and snuggling under fuzzy blankets with my babe. All up until Christmas the only music I listened to was Christmas music! Ever since my Aunt passed away I always hated the holidays. It was so sad and depressing. But this year was different. I was looking forward to spending Christmas with Andrea and her family and starting new traditions. This month I had two practical exams. One for the class and one for the state and I passed them both!! I went to Andrea’s family’s Christmas party on the 23rd and it was so nice and festive. I slept over that night and on Christmas Eve we all woke up and celebrated Christmas morning a day early cause not everyone could be there for Christmas Day. We went over to a friends house for New Years Eve and ordered Chinese food and played Cards Against Humanity. I can’t remember the last time I kissed someone on New Years. But this time I got to ring in the New Year with my babe.

#personal #2017 #so long #omg sorry #lol

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kachulein · 7 years

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Rules: Answer the questions in a new post and tag 10 blogs you would like to get to know better.

Tagged by: @dreamingseventeen ~thanks for tagging me, tags like this are always so fun to do^^

A: age | 18

B: birthplace | Schaffhausen, Switzerland

C: current time | 05.50p.m.

D: drink you had last | Coconut water, ‘cause I’m in love with the coco (okay where did that come from, I don’t even like that song smh)

E: easiest person to talk to | Myself lol, I really do talk to myself sometimes yes i’m weird / my best friends, I’d say

F: favourite song | I don’t really have one but I always create playlists of my current favourite songs. If I had to choose one favourite song (at the moment), it would be BTS’ Mic Drop Remix (Mic Drop has already been my favourite song from their Love Yourself 'Her’ album anyway^^)

G: grossest memory | Most of my messed up childhood, I guess

H: hogwarts house | Slytherin ;)

I: in love? | My bed is my boyfriend

J: jealous of people? | Sometimes but I try to hide it and also nothing too serious, I’m not a dramatic person in general

K: killed someone | tons of people in my mind No one~ *looking at you with big, innocent eyes*

L. love at first sight or should I walk by again? | You can’t impress me with appearance, mah dude. I love with my heart not with my eyes.

M. middle name | Jane (I actually really like my middle name)

N: number of siblings | None, 'cause my dad couldn’t even handle one quiet, unproblematic child haha

O: one wish | becoming Min Yoongi’s girlfriend (you didn’t just read that, psssh…) /becoming a singer&songwriter has always been my biggest wish/dream

P: person you called last | I honestly never call anyone, I’m afraid of making phone calls (anxiety sucks) but I do answer the phone if I get a call from someone I know The only person I “call” is my bestie over skype but can you actually call that calling someone? (That was way too much use of the word “call” in one freaking sentence)

Q: question you are always asked | Why are you single? - Idk??? Probably because my desired boyfriend lives in South Korea and doesn’t know I exist.

R: reason to smile | BTS and SVT, more specifically Min Yoongi and Xu Minghao, staying strong and not breaking down is definitely a reason to smile, the little things in life that are often overlooked or that seem insignificant

S: song you sang last | DNA by BTS because it somehow got stuck in my head and somehow I know the lyrics to it

T: time you woke up | 6:30 a.m. only to realize I can’t get ready for school because I’m sick and after calling in sick I went back to bed to sleep all day.

U: underwear colour | yellow and don’t ask me why I don’t even like the colour yellow.

V: vacation destination | South Korea, Japan, Hong Kong, Hawaii, the Caribbeans

W: worst habit | overthinking and procrastinating

X: x-rays | One X-ray of my right arm - Little Laura (yup, Laura Jane’s my name that rhymed lol ) found it to be a great idea to balance on top of the back of the sofa on Christmas Eve in 2003 (when I was 4 years old) only to miss a step and end up falling down and break her arm. Nice spending Christmas in hospital you little idiot.^^ I definitely wasn’t amused back then - nowadays I find it to be pretty funny and a silly story to tell. And I have X-rays of my lungs because of my various lung examinations due to my asthma.

Y: your favorite food | spinach😍😍😍 (and dark chocolate hehe)

Z: zodiac sign | Aquarius~

I tag: @thekookiecrush @juyu @fallforbandmembers

#tag #tagged #personal

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scum-belina · 7 years

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Hey I'm a fairly new follower and have seen a lot of your personal posts and if it's okay can I ask what is going on? Like how did this all start? You don't have to answer this if you're not comfortable to or just don't feel like it tho!

It’s honestly a huge mess but I’ll try and just explain the main bits and trim out all the other horrific stuff that happened along with it bc I just don’t even want to talk about those things anymore.

>in 2016, After being in debilitating pain in his back and legs since summer, my dad became unable to walk due to becoming paralyzed. We have no insurance so instead my dad refused to be taken to the ER and stayed stuck on the couch for almost a week and developed sores, and then he started talking out of his head like he was insane, so after that spell it scared my parents so badly they decided dad needed to go to the ER. They had to call the fire department to come carry my dad out of our house and put him into a car to get to the hospital

>Dad gets to the ER and they immediately do scans on his back and find a tumor on his spine, so they decided to keep him in the hospital and do surgery the next morning, which was Christmas Eve…

>Christmas Eve comes along and they do the surgery and it was no successful because the tumor wasn’t solid enough to remove well and it had grown itself around a bundle of nerve, which was what caused my dad’s legs to be paralyzed. They just managed to get a sample of the tumor to test. But they didn’t just find that out…they did more scans and discovered there were other small tumors on his spine, and one in his brain, which was causing him to talk insane. My dad was only 48 when all this happened.

>they preformed brain surgery in early January and removed all the tumor that they could, but weren’t able to remove it all. The test results of the tumor came back and we found out my dad had a cancer called “CNS lymphoma” a type of blood cancer that attacks the central nervous system, and has a 70% chance of coming back even after treatment, according to my dad’s oncologist…

>my dad went through i don’t even remember how many rounds of chemo until his final round in August of this year, and since then he’s been in a physical rehabilitation center that doubles as a nursing home so he can try to learn to walk again

>My dad was the sole breadwinner of the house bc my mom is a housewife who doesn’t know to drive, and I wasn’t taught how to drive much and haven’t been able to get my license yet bc no one will take me, and I don’t have a vehicle to use anyway. So ever since December we’ve been without income depending solely on what little some of our family gives us. We had food stamps the first 3 months of this year bc for some reason we were required to sign up for them to get dad indigent care, but after those 3 months we didn’t meet their requirements to keep them.

>my mom and I had to move into my grandparents home because we can’t pay our own utility bills at our own home. Living at my grandparents is hell as you’ve already heard me explain why. Every day I’m made to feel more and more like a burden for even existing here and I’m sick of it but there’s nothing I can do and no better place for me to go

>My dad has applied for disability 3 times this year, and been rejected twice despite they’re being solid proof he is absolutely disabled. The third case is pending and his lawyer said the court would make a decision this October, but that was BS bc we never heard a thing from them all October. We’re thinking they might actually wait until either December or January to approve him now, since he had to leave his job abruptly in December, and he first applied for disability January 16th…but I rly hope they don’t wait that long bc surviving here is getting harder and harder

>I’m going through all of this and more on top of having severe untreated depression and anxiety. I’ve considered suicide almost every single day of this year. It. Is. A. Struggle. Beyond. Belief.

>still, I’m trying to hold on a little longer to see if things will improve for me. But I honestly don’t feel like they will and the fact I’m so trapped and powerless in this situation is extremely discouraging.

So yeah…that’s the gist of what’s gone on all this year for me lol. It’s bad and I’m sorry you had to read it and I’m sorry i even have to type it out bc sometimes it really is just bizarre to me what all I’m going through.

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zizliine · 7 years

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Hello TUMBLR! It’s been a super long time since the last time I type things on a blog. I’ve been wanting to do this for a long time, sometimes I just jot my removable pen on a random note that always gone, or on a memo app that tend to deleted accidentally. So I decided to share my thoughts on this platform, idk what would it be, but I’m sure it’ll be healthy for my mental lol.

There is a loooot of things I have in my mind. I always have this roller coaster brain, juggling up and down.

DECEMBER 2015 - I GRADUATED! I was one of the best student you can say. Graphic design. After my graduation, there is a lot of things happened. I do regret that up until this early 2018, I still don’t know what to do with my life. Since I was a kid, I always love doing tons of things, you know it if you’ve been followed me through my junior high school blogs. I used to aim to be a multitalented someone, independent woman, and self-sufficient.

It happened mostly on being someone who is talented on doing a lot of things, "Jack of all trades, master of none”. I keep jumping on wanting to be a graphic designer, interior designer, chef, business owner (clothing store and cafe mainly), Muay Thai fighter, youtuber, makeup artists. Its crazy.

JANUARY 2016 - So this is what happened, after my graduation. My dad hospitalized, he was diagnosed with Hepatitis B at first (early 2016) and the other hospital said he got Hepatitis C afterward. Me and my mom went back and forth accompany my dad, to Kuching, Malaysia, to Singapore too. I guess it took only 6 months for him to recovered and free of the virus, THANK GOD. Because of that, my grandma was sent to Jakarta to stay and treated with my uncle, because we were busy taking care of my dad (for 3 months).

MAY 2016 - Then my Dad bought a new house, we were so busy designing the house. My dad assigned me to communicate with the interior designer, and I kept looking for design inspiration that match with my family’s taste. I always consider others, always want their taste to be contributed to the house. I want the touch of us, in every part of the house. My sister was capable of choosing the look and feel of the house, the way she wanted. My bro and my parents only told me they want “Hotel” theme, which is sleek and clean, specifically brownish n warm tone just like Marina Bay Sands hotel. The construction started around May 2016.

During that time, my dad kept going back to Singapore for a following check up, I am soo grateful that my boyfriend always had my back, up until now. Idk what to do if I don’t have him, I wasn’t that strong :)

JUNE 2016 - My lovely Auntie taught me how to bake eggtart, and it was a really good experience cos I LOVEEE EGGTART! It was my grandmother’s recipe. The outer crisps was damn good. I modified the recipe by adding some grated cheese and grounded almond. My family was proud of me and really loving the tarts. I baked a lot during that time, I gave it away for my friends and family (including my boyf’s grandma, and she sent me a pumpkin egg tart too)

JULY 2016 - Its the Hari Raya Holiday again, so my family went to Singapore again. I brought the egg tart that I baked 3am in the morning for my boyfriend’s family, I choose the best ones and hand carry them to Singapore lol. We went to the zoo, I remember how I was super influenced by Mathilda, Leon The Professional’s clothing style. On 4th of July, I was invited to Emilie’s 4th Birthday, she is my boyfriend’s cousin.

NOVEMBER 2016 - I was texted by someone, I was shocked at first, but she became my best friend now. She contacted me to become a model for her clothing store, I was with my other friend, who turned out to be my boyfriend’s cousin too. We had fun at the photoshoot, we played with makeup too. After that, I told them how I enjoy making lace choker, then we started our first business together, Dixi Choker, but it only last for a while lol.

DECEMBER 2016 - The three of us are three musketeers, we went everywhere together, it was a great time. There was a lot of great event we had, going to Jessandra’s bday party together, had Christmas dimsum & went to the church on Christmas Eve, it was really great. Then in the end of year, I bleached my hair to blonde! I had awesome time. My family went to Singapore again to spend our New Year. 30th December, me and my boyfriend went to Art Science museum, we happily bought the NASA tshirt as a couple lol. On the 2nd of January, my fam supposed to go back to Indo, but the plane had trouble so we postponed the flight, and went back the day after, just the day before my birthday.

JANUARY 2017 - On the 5th of January, my best friend Klara and Jessica surprised me at King’s Restaurant, I wasn’t expected that at all. These two girls are really sweet that I guess, I opened myself to them the most. You know, it is not easy to get close to me. I have such a cold heart. Just like cold turkey in the cold storage lol. I had a lot of Star Wars gift too from my friends and my boyfriend!

We held our grandmother’s 85th birthday party on 11 January. I forgot when she went back, but we gather all her relatives, her siblings and had our dinner at Restoran Gajahmada. She carried her peached shaped pao, very happily. She really loves pink, so we dressed her all in pink. “Dadu”, is how she named pink. I miss her so much as how I look at her pictures. During my house construction, we took our grandma with her wheelchair to visit the house too, she was so happy and resists to go back to our old house lol. She’s so funny. On January 27th, we fly back to Singapore again for Chinese New Year & go back again on 31th of January.

FEBRUARY 2017 - Klara, Jessica and me went to Kuala Lumpur for farewell trip because Jessica was going to pursue her study to New Zealand. It was a very sad moment tho, but so memorable. I’ve never really go anywhere with friends before, I did, but for a study tour to Taiwan when I was in senior high school. It’s because of the school, lol. So we had a really good time you know, we went shopping and had so many photoshoots. Cafe hoping and culinary mostly, play dress up and make up.

MARCH 2017 - On 15th of March, Jessica fly to NZ. I am not a type of person who melts easily, who cry easily in front of people cos I am trained to hold my tears as I always want to look strong. But I’m dying inside, I miss her a lot. When she was around, she talked to me a lot, maybe she does it to other of her friend too, but I listened to her as she is my only friend. She shared me her secrets, we had a lot of deep talk and quality things. You know, I’m into deep talks and building deep connections. The next day, my friend from Korea, Ji Eun (She is actually my older sister’s classmate, and her bro was my classmate, so we got so close) visited Pontianak. We had empek2, ice cream angi, and she boughts some DVD contained Indonesian Folklore animation, then we had our dinner at KBAB, played monopoly deal together with my sister.

I took my Ielts class with Klara, we had 3 months of course. I was actually disappointed with my results lol, but its okay cos the score is above the requirements.

APRIL 2017 - Me and my fam went to informa a lot to buy furnitures, it was a great experience cos it was the first time we move lol. We decide together for our garden design too. It felt great, after 3 years away from my family, we had a lot to catch up. On Easter (16 April), I went to church with Linda, accidentally met my boyfriend’s auntie and cousins. Then on April 29th, me and my family went to Singkawang. We had great time, such a wonderful road trip. This is what I love the most, when we usually have our holiday in Singapore, my dad is always busy at the casino, stucking his nose up to those machine lol. I was always busy with my boyfriend too. So this little trip helps a lot you know. Its an awesome go-getter.

MAY 2017 - My english teacher since I was in high school, the one who help my IELTS when I was going to Singapore came back to Ponti after she Moved to US with her husband. We had a great lunch at Saung Kedah. Then on 22nd of May, My boyfriend visited Pontianak! With the whole pack, his parents, his twins, lil bro and older sis. I spent a lot of time with his family. I was invited to his parent’s Anniversary, and her grandma’s new house blessing (24 May). It was a great opportunity. On 26th of May, me and bf went for a movie together, it was our first time watching movie together in Pontianak. We watched Pirates of the Carribean lol. Then I took him and his grandfather to Ice cream Angi, and we went to fix his portable wifi too. I dragged my boyfriend to Kopi Aming too, his first time trying my favourite coffee in Ponti.

JUNE 2017 - We moved to our new house! I was so happy organizing our house, especially my room. I made drawer separation system by using pretty cardboard and turned out pretty well. It was the time when I was all crazy about plants too, disgustingly obsessed. It was a bad obsession I can say, until I bought a lot of gardening stuff, seeds, and hydroponic system. It was also the time I tried to import stuff from China, started my online business clothing store. I bought my ringlight too, oh GOD I spent a lot of money. On 25th June, My family went to Singapore again. I guess it was only me, mom and dad. I went to Ikea and daiso a lot to buy organizing stuff. We went to Universal Studio for the first time (we went twice for the Halloween Horror Night, but never for the day rides lol). I introduced him the Pork Bun too, the one I had when I was in Hongkong.

JULY 2017 - It was when I went so deep into gardening. Had my pretty marigold flowers blooming from seeds. Then my Auntie came back from Jakarta and taught us to make Pizza from Pan, sweet potato purple doughnuts, and Biji Salak. It was so great. Then my cousin introduced me to Sims 4, and I was impulsively bought the game from tokopedia. Which is a huge regret now. I hate myself when I got into games, I could play it all day long until I neglect my life. That is how fast I get addicted into things.

My dad always pet a specific fish, its Red Parrot Fish. He really love it, but everytime we move the fish, from house to house, they always get stressed out. The older and big fishes died slowly. One by one, then he got new ones, I guess almost 20 fishes lol. I got myself succulents too, and I got some for my sister. I also bought a lot of IKEA furnitures, sent them through an container expedition sent by ship cos it costs so much if I use the regular one. I had fun in assembling the furnitures too. I went crazy in buying plant seeds too lol.

On July, my boyfriend visited ponti again. We surprised our friend Shella with other friends too. As usual, when my boyfriend come to ponti, we always have Ice Cream Angi with his Akong. His Akong loves Ice Cream so much. Then me and my boy went to Shinjuku, a Japanaese Yakitori Street Food. We had kaloci, tausuan, and pentol as a closing of our dinner lol. At night, we tapao Bakmie Atie for Ama. The morning before he go back to Sg, we initially wanted to have tiammie for breakfast, but the store was closed, so we ate Bakso in front of my complex, and I drived him to eat some Tua Ce Ie too. He love it so badly. (25July)

I sold my first clothing piece on 27th of July. I was so happy lol. During this month, I spent my day promoting my clothing store and taking care of my plants.

AUGUST 2017 - My auntie came back again, we made some handmade noodles and sponge cakes. I took pictures of her recipe books as she told me to. I spent my time with my Senior High School friend too, as he is a photographer, I asked him to help me to take pics for my clothing store. I asked Anggi and Michelle (my niece) to be the model.

26th August, is when my Grandma passed away. I was torn apart. I hate myself so much that I did not spend more time with her. I spend more time with my boyfriend’s grandparents a lot more than with mine. I was so sad that I lose her. It my first time to lose someone who is so close to me. She was buried on 1st of September 2017.

SEPTEMBER 2017 - We visited Singapore again. I forgot what it was for hahaha. But mainly I just had fun with my mom and boyfriend. We had nice dinners so many times. We went to China town to buy some jerky beef, and as usual my main restaurants to go in Sg are Genki Sushi, Tanuki Raw, Mcd, Menya Musashi, Kanshouku, any Kbbq or Hotpot restaurant. When I went back to ponti, I always limit my food intake lol.

OCTOBER 2017 - We held my sister’s birthday too, I bought her mangoo cheesecake. She was happy, and me and my friend surprised her for the second time at Tyga per Ampat too.

NOVEMBER 2017 - I prepared my bro’s bbq party. I made him sate taichan, bbq chicken, sauteed potato (4NOV). My housemate when I was in Singapore visited to Ponti too, they are originally from Batam & Medan. We surprised Brenda’s bday party too, twice (6NOV). First at Botani, followed a BBQ party at William’s house. I was still in a journey to lose some weights, so I bought a lot of granola during that time. I bought an expensive muay thai punching bag too. CRAZY. I always made a bold move in spending my money. (18Nov) I did see results, my waist are smaller. I visited Jakarta on 19th November, mainly for my acne treatment. Then I had nice dinner at Kintant with Gris, and Shaburi with my mom. The rests are random KBBQ, random Indo food with my cousin.

DECEMBER 2017 - I only focus doing muay thai and losing weight, I did some intense classes, follow kayla itsiness and strict with my diet. I made my weight planner, it was crazy. I bought protein powder from my protein, I was really focus in making myself feel stronger and energetic. I determined to be healthy so I can focus better. THEN MY FAMILY FLY TO SG AGAIN TO SPEND OUR NEW YEAR! hahahhaa.. its always like that.

JANUARY 2018 - So from 28 Dec to 6 January, 9 days spent in Singapore. Me and my whole fam spent times in Singapore, then my Fam went back first on 1st of January. I stayed at Derrick’s home. I accompanied him to school, sitting at the cafe and read Girl Boss book. Then on 3rd of January my dad and mom came to Sg again to pick me up! Hahahha that is how my dad spoil his 23 years old daughter. I’m old alr but he is still super protective. He was actually fly from Ponti-Jkt to had his dental surgery, but he decided to pick me up. I want to extend my day in Sg cos I want to spend it with my boyfriend. I don’t wanna be in Ponti for some reasons. It feels like I’m getting old but I have no where to go. I know its my hometown, but it feels strange somehow. I am weird, its hard for me to get along with people here. I hate those eyes staring at me with the thoughts I predict they wud say. I know it might be only in my mind. But I hate myself enough already, those questions asking me about what’s my career now, what am I working now is depressing. I need time with myself. I just want to be with someone I feel safe with, which is my boyfriend. I feel so calm whenever I am with him, might be the reason why I want to be with him forever. I am anxious every time, talking to him was the greatest feeling ever. He always giving me positive feedback and encourage me. It was great.

So I went back to ponti after that, and my parents went to Sg again. My mom was on cruise trip to Thailand & Sg.

FEBRUARY 2018 - My cousin from my Dad’s side had his wedding, somehow we didn’t go there even though they were waiting for our presence. Its kinda pressurize me when I have those thoughts abt ppl asking me what I am doing. So I decided not to go by that reason. And chosing nice dresses on not-so-confident-me is stressful too. idk why i stress everything over small things. Btw we surprised our mom too, she had her birthday! Then again, my dad and mom fly to Singapore again. Kinda bad decision tho, cos Jipek suddenly passed away. He is my best uncle on earth. I love him so much eventho I never show it when he’s alive. He taught me gardening, asked me to eat rose petals, drenching rose plants with crazy tons waters, he pet an orang utan, taught us how to draw, and a lot of things.

So yeah, idk what else to write. There are a lot of memorable things, even though I feel I did not achieve something during this past 2 years, at least I learnt a lot. I always wonder what if , what if I continue to work or just continue my study in Singapore during 2015-2018. But I wouldn’t be as close as this with my family, I won’t have time to catch up with my grandma, I wouldn’t be there when my Ama left. I feel like God sent me to Ponti to have golden time with my family. I was way too harsh with myself when people asked me why am I still in ponti doing nothing. I cursed myself everytime people asked me things abt my future. Guess what? I am okay. I learnt a lot.

- I lose 2 of my favourite people, but I was there before they gone.

- I was there to help my mom taking care of my dad and ama. So she was not alone.

- My dad bought a house and need me to help with the design.

-I learnt muay thai and made some connections with them.

-I got new close friends, Klara and Jessica, and Gerry too hahah.

-I got close to my bf’s grandparents.

-I participate in makeup competitions and started few videos on my chanel, its growing but slow hahha

-I learnt a lot abt gardening

-I hang out a lot at a coffee shop, and make some friends.

-I started my online shops and struggled!

-I did some organizing at my new house which is a great thing I guess?

-I cook a looooooot for my family, thank God they love it.

-I fly to places without my parents (hongkong with sisters) and kuala lumpur with my besties.

-I did chalk drawings at a cafe with Linda and Jeff.

-I work with 5 clients on graphic design (Rutos, Achiang, Shica, Cloud Vape, Cokoer) Some cv design for friends, and some i dont really remember lol.

-I catch up with hair dying experiment again with my mbak and myself! I permed and bleach my hair too lol idk whether its smth special to mention or not.

- I did makeup for people too and earn money for it!

Its crazy how time flies, but it was not for nothing. God has been good to me.

During 2015-2018 (disgusted with myself how i spend my time but you know, its not bad at all! )

So now its 2018 guys! There is a lot more to come. I realized when I try to do graphic design freelancing, it was really hard to manage my time, to make my income constant, pricing my work, to talk with clients and everything. I was alone to do it all.

It was hard to run an online business alone, order stuff, talk to clients, design, market my stuff, branding, send the stuff.

I know i can grow through makeup, cos I can see it is my passion now. But I need to prioritize what I need now. I need to earn money. Real money. So I decided to take my path and take a turn. I’ll be mentally stable in Singapore, working with a good amount of salary, and constant too.

All i need to do is just to play safe right now. Cos hell yeah ofc, I need money. I just need to save up. I need to be good in saving money, as what ppl say, to earn is easy but saving is hard. I need a stability, I need to anchor myself on something I am sure about. I need commitment. I need something to hang on. Which is what I have and certified is graphic design.

So now I am planning to revamp rebuild my portfolio, cv, resume and cover letter. I will target myself to apply some jobs in Singapore before March. Hopefully I’ll get some interviews. PLEASE GOOOODDDD! HELP ME! Hehee.

If not, (worst case scenario lol) I’ll take some courses, online and in school. I want to specialized in UI & UX. Then on early march, I will go to Jakarta with my sister and mom, she had an art exhibition. I wanna grab new laptop for me to work better.

But yeah currently I’m working on my works, and trying to sharpen my skills, get into my workflow, and learn some more skills on share skills ! WISH ME LUCKKKKKK <3 <3

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surveys-at-your-service · 7 years

Text

Survey #114

“oh yeah, i’m a reaper man; every good thing, i kill it dead.”

What kind of makeup do you think is appropriate for church? Who cares. Wear what you want; I don't see how your makeup affects God's opinion on you while in His house. What would you wear to church? I don't dress up for the same reason as above. I just wear my usual. Would/do you like having brown eyes? I like having blue eyes. It's not that brown isn't pretty, it's just so common. What kind of gift would you appreciate for your birthday? I'm just asking for money again. Can already go see Sara, time to work towards the tattoo. What do you use Facebook for? My main reason is legit funny pictures lmao. There's few people I'm actually actively interested in keeping up with. Would you rather be called a geek, a nerd or a dork? A geek is 100% a compliment lol. Do you like pretzels? Soft ones, yes. Especially the ones from those little shops at malls, omgggg. I'd prefer to not eat hard ones. You want your next pet to be what? A bearded dragon. Or two rats. Would you spend 20 dollars on a candle? Ha. No. What is the goriest thing you’ve seen in real life? There was a deer that died directly beside the road leading to our old house and it was decaying. I still remember all the maggots squirming around in its side. @_@ Do you take any meds? If so which and why? Mood stabilizers, anxiety med, something for nausea if one of my mood stabilizers causes it, Melatonin, something for heartburn, and birth control unless I want my uterus to tear me apart from the inside. Is "no glove, no love" your STRICT policy? If I actually was to have sex, yes. Even with me on the pill, I'm not taking any risks. Not getting pregnant. If someone breaks a law, should they be punished if they did not know it was a law? Depends on the law. Name a band you sort of like: What a thing to admit, but Blood on the Dance Floor. I like some of their songs, while others are just too repulsive. In your head do you call yourself 'I’ or 'you’ or both? Usually "you," and always when I'm trying to calm or reassure myself, because it's like hearing validation of something from another person. Someone tells you 'well there are black people, and then there are (removed term bc fuck that word)’. What do you think? My former friend used to say that and I fucking hated it. Who REALLY has a higher sex drive, girls or guys? How can you tell? I might be mistaken, but I'm pretty sure there's science behind men having more of a libido. Do you enjoy wild parties? I literally could never. Have you ever been stereotyped? As what? I was called both emo and goth in high school. It wasn't offensive to me personally, but I don't think I totally fit any stereotype. Who do you know that you believe does not masturbate? I don't for a number of reasons, and I can name a few others I'm pretty sure don't. Does a cloned human being have a soul? Why or why not? explosion.gif Who looks better naked, men or woman? Women. I'm bi, yes, but penises look fucking disgusting to me personally. Is there anything you won’t say unless someone else says it first? Nothing immediately comes to mind. What’s your favorite type of doughnut? Either glazed or cake (the totally plain ones). Do you have any candles in your bedroom? Do you light them often? No, I have an incense burner. I use it often enough. What is your least favorite thing about your full name? I just don't like my last name, and my middle name's too common, but at least I like the name itself. What’s your favorite kind of Poptart? Probably the chocolate sundae one. But I don't like Poptarts much. Do you think you look good with a hat on? I can't remember the last time I wore a hat. Are there some songs you can’t listen to because they remind you of something? "The Mortician's Daughter" and "Stairway to Heaven." Do you live near a street light? No. Do you wear any rings? A red gem one I got from Mom, then a "bitch/jerk" friendship ring (Supernatural reference) with my girlfriend. Do you put collars on your cats? When we had cats, yeah. Do you like celery? Ew no. Did you cry while watching the Notebook? I've never sobbed at a movie, but I cried, yeah. I've cried in subsequent watches too lmao. I think I've always teared up, actually. Do you have a protective mom and dad? Mom's extremely protective of me. I'd say Dad's pretty normal. What field trip did you last go on? Probably for a band competition in high school. Five ways to win your heart: Uhhh. Show compassion, patience, generosity, wisdom, and maturity. Your views on mainstream music: It's getting too vulgar to be on the radio. I firmly believe children don't need to hear profanity (they don't know when it's inappropriate to use) or talk of sex, and songs just have so much censorship yet lack thereof now. If you're going to censor almost an entire song, why the hell play it? Then some songs are so clearly about sex or just openly say the word that it bothers me. I wouldn't wanna explain what sex is to say my like five-year-old if they heard some of the shit on the radio and asked questions. Put your iPod on shuffle and write that 10 first songs that play: 1.) "Clocks" by Coldplay, 2.) "Paradise City" by Guns N' Roses, 3.) "Blessed With a Curse" by Bring Me the Horizon, 4.) "Let It Die" by Starset, 5.) "I Don't Love You" by My Chemical Romance, 6.) "Animals" by Nickelback, 7.) "Shoots and Ladders" by Korn, 8.) "Divinity Statue" from DMC3, 9.) "Float On" by Modest Mouse, 10.) "This Is Gospel" by Panic! at the Disco. A quote you try to live by: "Life's hard. Shouldn't you be, too?" ... It's not meant to be an innuendo. How do you know when someone thinks you’re attractive? I would literally have to be told lmao. Which one of your relationships was the shortest? Two weeks and it was fucking stupid. Which was the longest? Almost four years. If you want to get married, what age? I don't have a set age in mind. Just whenever my s/o and I are ready. What did you end up getting for Christmas? A PS2 after mine broke years ago ahhhh, way too much money from my dad, his wife, and my grandpa, a "meerkat lover" street sign, a meerkat puzzle I'mma do and frame for my room, some pajama pants, an iHome for my iPod, Pikachu and Grumpy Cat plushies that're too cute, among other things that aren't coming to mind rn. Do you think buying underwear/bras at Victoria’s Secret is a waste? Meh, mixed feelings. Like they are way too expensive for some damn bras and underwear, but if they make you feel more confident or pretty in your body, buy them. Do you like glittery things? Usually. Do you like Red Lobster? It used to be my favorite restaurant, but after I got sick after eating there, I haven't gone since. Even though I was feeling sick before we went, it's just an association thing. What are you most scared of? Relapse, losing certain people. Favorite video game? "Silent Hill 2" Do you believe that leaving a significant other for someone else is ever a good idea? YUP. because if you loved the first person, you wouldnt even consider the second. <<<< This. Do you have any possessions that you’re very attached to, and you’d be absolutely devastated if you damaged or lost them? Absolutely devastated... the little rock I got from my partial hospitalization at Holly Hill. When someone "graduates," you pick a shiny rock from a jar that gets passed around the room for your "classmates" to wish you well and say anything they'd like to say about you while they hold it. I cherish that thing so much. What’s the naughtiest thing you’ve ever done, and you got away with it? I guess have oral entirely naked on the old chaise in the living room. But we were home alone. How much do you want to weigh? I was totally happy at 120, but I was fine at 140. Supposedly I should be like 130-something. If you HAD to do your holiday shopping for EVERYONE in only ONE store what store would you pick? Uh probably Walmart lmao. Do you believe that guns don’t kill people and that people kill people? Why? People kill people, and that's coming from someone afraid of guns. You have a choice where you're pointing that thing. What is the difference between a good poem and a bad one? I don't like ones that are virtually impossible to understand. Which do you need more: sugar, caffeine, alcohol, drugs, sex, sleep? I'm addicted to caffeine, I can't go two days without it. @_@ Who is someone you know should deserve more respect? Ha, my Dad from my mom. What movie would you like to see again, that you haven’t watched since you were a kid? The first movie that came to mind was "Shiloh." Are birds happy in cages? Are pets happy indoors? I truly doubt birds are happy in cages, but maybe if they have enough entertainment and it's big enough? But I'm sure like dogs and cats are fine indoors considering a whole house is much bigger. Though I think bigger dogs especially need to be let out to run around sometimes. Hula hoops or jump ropes? Jump ropes. Loved it as a kid. Now my knees would murder me. Can you understand sign language? No. But I remember learning this song in elementary school that we had to sing and do sign language to, but I don't remember any of it. Does anyone in your family hunt? Nicole, my little sister. How about fish? Me and Dad, maybe his dad. Do you pronounce the "l" in salmon? No. Have you ever gotten stuck on an amusement park ride? Thank Christ no. Have you ever seen an albino animal? Maybe? I've seen a white alligator, but it technically wasn't albino. Have you ever tried summoning Bloody Mary? No. When is the last time you consumed alcohol? New Year's Eve. I drank a margarita way too fast but felt nothing because my alcohol tolerance is God-Tier. ᕙ(⇀‸↼‶)ᕗ (Though I like never drink.) Do you ever judge people based on if they believe in God or not? No. Are you sometimes scared to express your opinions in fear of what others might think? Y U P Do you ‘bless’ strangers when they sneeze? Sometimes. Would you rather go to a University or a community college? The latter if they offered good classes. It's cheaper, and you can still get a worthy degree. What’s your favorite kind of bread? Pumpernickel. What toppings do you like on your pizza? Only jalapenos or pepperoni. What color or design does your shower curtain have? It's just white. What color is your microwave? Black. Could you ever give yourself a shot? If I had to, yeah. Have you ever been so embarrassed that you cried? Story of my life. How many people have told you they were in love with you? One. Would you ever have sex with the last person you texted? Well, we're both girls, so actual sex would be psychically impossible, but I'd do as close as we could to it if she made it very clear she wanted to. Does it bother you when people don’t answer questions with exact answers? Yes, especially if I'm asking them a question about needing validation for something. Don't be vague. Have you ever watched a needle go into your own skin? I usually do so I know exactly when it's coming. And if I'm getting my blood drawn, I watch it for whatever reason. @_@ Have you ever seen someone get a piercing/tattoo? Yes. Do you like strawberry and banana smoothies? Strawberry. I doubt I'd like banana. Do you know someone that is mute, deaf or blind? My sister Ashley is literally blind in one eye, I think her right? For the other two, idk. What’s your favorite horror movie? I really like both "Blair Witch Project"s, as well as "The Crazies." Is it true that people with depression CAN’T function in society? Sometimes, absolutely. Can you think of any person or group you cannot empathise with? Pedophiles, rapists, racists, abusive people, homophobes, the list goes on. Do you want to get married? If so, what color will your dress be? It'll be either black, white, or ivory, idk. Do you like peanut butter and fluff sandwiches? NO. Do you play video games? If so, what kind? Yes, just about exclusively story-based ones that usually involve horror. But I like many others, so long there's actually plot to it. How old is your oldest and youngest friend? Oldest is like... 32, youngest is 17, I think. How weight conscious are you? Only extremely. Stripes or polka dots? Polka dots. What was your first word? "Dada" What's a show that you absolutely refuse to watch? "13 Reasons Why" Do you remember how old you were when you started swearing? 7th grade. Have you ever been involved in a custody battle before? I'm actually not sure. I don't think so. If it did, Mom never told us. Did your parents ever let you play in the pits of those multicolored balls? Yes, until I think a dirty needle was found in one of McDonald's ball pits. Do you think biting is weird or sexy? I like it so long you don't leave a mark in an obvious spot. Do you have a class ring? No. What type of internet browser are you using? Chrome. How long do your showers typically last? Not even ten minutes. Can you cry on cue? No. Were you a Nancy Drew reader when you were younger? No. Are you the kind of person that takes pictures with a drink in your hand? No, and quite frankly, it's obnoxious. You're getting intoxicated. Congrats. Do either of your parents have a mental illness? Mom has depression, and she says Dad's bipolar, but I absolutely don't see it now that they're divorced. When you were growing up, did your family rent or own your home? Own. When was the last time you wore a full face of makeup? I couldn't tell you. The most I ever wear is eye liner, shadow, mascara, and lipstick, but I don't consider that a "full face of makeup." Do you own an iPad? No. Have you ever experienced sleep paralysis? No, thank goodness. Do you think it’s wrong for people to say 'retard/retarded’ as an insult? I FUCKING HATE IT. How many people of the opposite sex have made you cry? I think two. Would you eat a live tarantula for $1,000? No, I just wouldn't be able to. If it didn't have its fangs, maybe? What’s one health problem you wish you didn’t have? Anxiety. Shit would be so much better without it. Is your mom or dad the older parent? Mom by one year. Do you have any close friends that were adopted? No. Do you believe that people can be psychics? No. List these apple types from greatest to worst: green, red, yellow. Red, green, yellow. Does your house have more than one fireplace? We don't have even one. When it rains does it leave a lake in your front yard? No. My original home was like that, though. It ALWAYS flooded. Do you dread when people ask you to sign their yearbooks? No, I actually found it flattering to know they wanted me to sign it. Where is one place that you’d never be caught dead in? A strip club, to name one. Do you have a favorite Scooby-Doo movie? I loved the Phantom Virus one. Even had the game. Do you dislike when people ruin the endings of anything for you? Yes, unless I ask to just be told. You are holding onto your grandmother’s hand and the hand of a newborn that you do not know as they hang over the edge of a cliff. You have to let one go to save the other. Who do you let fall to their death? What was your rationale for making the decision? ... Whoa. I'd feel fucking godawful, but I'd save my grandmother. I'm not calling the baby less human, but my grandmother is more conscious of life and everything, I guess? Which would you choose: true love with a guarantee of a broken heart, or never loved at all? Why? Never love at all. Heartbreak is fucking awful. Have you ever seen the movie "A Walk to Remember?" Cliche or worth watching? I think it's worth watching. Very sweet movie. Do you know how to sew? What’s your favorite thing to sew? No. Do you own many pairs of shorts? I don't own any. Do you ever have movie nights with your significant other? Ye<3 Do you like fiction or non-fiction books more? What’s your favorite? Fiction. "Johnny Got His Gun" and "The Outsiders." Have you ever slept in the same bed as your friend? Yeah. How many tattoos would you get? I want LOADS. What brand of toothpaste do you use? Crest. Would you ever tattoo the name of a bf/gf or spouse on yourself? No. I'd get a matching tattoo relatively deep into marriage, but name, nah. What’s your least favorite season? Summer. D: What’s your favorite dessert? Red velvet cake. Do you like cotton candy? Meh, I can have a couple bites. Do you have any shirts signed by famous people? No. Where do you normally get your hair cut? A family friend's salon. What would your dream engagement ring look like? I really like dragon's breath opal rings or rose gold ones but idk how expensive either are. @_@ What’s the longest your hair has ever been? Like to the small of my back. How do you feel about bleach blonde hair? Gorgeous on some people, not for me. Do you know anyone who has been arrested? Yes. Name 2 questions that you will most likely never say ‘no’ to: 1.) "Do you wanna go get a tattoo?", 2.) "Do you wanna Skype?" if it's Sara. Imagine someone has a great personality, sense or humor, family and job. they also really really like you a lot. Would you consider dating them if they: Were fat? Yes. Limped? Yes. Were a midget? Yes. Had HIV? No, because I'm too scared to put myself at risk. Were paralyzed in one arm? Yes. Had a glass eye? Yes. Had only 6 months to live? No, that would destroy me. Would you get married on TV? No. I don't want people I don't care about watching. Do you own a metal detector? No. I did as a kid, though.

#survey #quiz #questions

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