#i’ve made it to the go through everything again and zoom in on details stage

[l8tof1]

his eyes 🥺🧸

[lokiondisneyplus]

Loki director Kate Herron’s heart was beating fast. She’d already had some surreal experiences during her short time in the Marvel Cinematic Universe, so a simple phone call shouldn’t make her nervous. But on the other end of the line was Owen Wilson, an actor and writer she admired and hoped would join her on a time-jumping journey through the MCU.

“It was the most detailed pitch I’ve ever done, to an actor, ever. I pretty much spoke through the entire first episode with him,” Herron recalls of wooing Wilson, who wasn’t too familiar with Marvel before being cast as Mobius, an agent for the mysterious Time Variance Authority central to the series.

Wilson instantly put Herron at ease with his laid-back charm as she walked the actor through 10 years of onscreen lore for Loki, the god of mischief played by Tom Hiddleston. She answered his questions about Avengers: Endgame, about time travel, about how this version of Loki was not the one fans knew from films like Thor: Ragnarok, but rather one plucked from an alternate timeline from 2012’s The Avengers.

It was all part of a whirlwind few years for Herron, who not that long ago was temping at a fire extinguisher company and struggling to land directing work even though she’d already helmed a BBC project with Idris Elba. Then Herron finally achieved breakthrough success directing episodes of the Netflix hit Sex Education and soon was hounding her agents for a Marvel meeting.

When Herron finally landed one, the Loki superfan cleared her schedule and spent two weeks putting together a 60-page document, even though her agents tempered her expectations by noting it was just a meet-and-greet.

“I knew I’d be up against some really big directors, and I knew I wouldn’t be the most experienced in the room, so I [said], ‘OK. I’ll just be the most passionate,'” recalls Herron.

Just a few days after officially landing the job, Herron found herself on a five-hour walk through New York with Hiddleston discussing Loki and flying to D23 in Anaheim to be greeted by thousands of screaming fans alongside Loki head writer Michael Waldron.

Herron is now working long days finishing up Loki in Marvel’s production hub in Atlanta, where the British filmmaker has largely lived since getting the job in 2019. Over Zoom from her freezing Atlanta apartment (she still hasn’t figured out the quirks of the air conditioner), Herron dives into Loki ahead of its June 9 debut on Disney+.

What was your process of sitting down with Marvel for this?

I was just so overexcited. [My agents] were like, “Look, it’s just a casual conversation, they just want to get a sense of you,” and basically I was like, “OK, I’m just going to pitch them.” Because I thought, they might not meet me again. So I got as much information as I could, and they sent me a little bit about the show. And I just prepared a massive pitch for it. I canceled everything for two weeks. I made a 60-page document full of references, story ideas, music. I knew I’d be up against some really big directors, and I knew I wouldn’t be the most experienced in the room, so I [said], “OK. I’ll just be the most passionate.”

Was that first meeting in Burbank?

That was in England, in southeast London on Zoom. I had a few stages where I did that. Then after a few interviews with Kevin Wright and Stephen Broussard, two of the Marvel executives who got me ready for the big match, I went in to pitch to Kevin Feige, Victoria [Alonso], Lou [Louis D’Esposito], the whole team there. That was very surreal because they flew me to Burbank and I pitched at Marvel Studios. I didn’t have the job, but I found out they were interested and then I remember Kevin Feige called me, and when he was in London, we had coffee. He was like, “Look, we want you to direct it.” Oh my God. They flew me to D23 and that was crazy because I think I found out I got the job 48 hours before, and then I was onstage. The Lady and the Tramp dogs were in front of me and Michael [Waldron] on the red carpet. “What is going on?” (Laughs.) I met Tom that week as well, so it was a bit of a whirlwind kind of thing.

📷Herron, Waldron and Feige at D23 in 2019.

Where did you first meet Tom?

I had a two-stop trip. I flew first to New York to meet Tom. He was in Betrayal at the time, on Broadway, so we basically went on this amazing walk around New York. I’d never met him before. We just spoke about Loki and what was really important to us about the character and where we thought it would be fun to take him, as well. It was this intense, five-hour conversation with him basically. I met him and then flew straight from meeting him to D23. So it was a lot. (Laughs.)

When did you finally get the scripts? How did that change your thoughts on what you want to do?

They sent me the outline, so I knew the overall story. I also was pitching stuff. “Oh, we could do this with this character.” The pilot was really well written by Michael and I really liked what they were doing with the character and the story. Then it was building upon that and throwing in ideas for where he could go later in the show. It reminded me a bit of improv where you’re always building, always trying to push the story to the best place. So we were always adapting and shifting the story. Our lockdown, during COVID, was a chance for us to go back in. I was cutting what we’d done, so I was like, “OK, this is tonally what is really working for the story.” Then we went back into what we hadn’t filmed and started adapting that stuff to fit more where we were heading.

The Marvel movies have a writer on set to help tweak things. Was that the case with Loki?

Michael [Waldron] was with us at the start, and then he went on to Doctor Strange [in the Multiverse of Madness]. We had a really wonderful writer called Eric Martin from our writers room, and he was our production writer on set. It was between me, him and my creative producer Kevin Wright. We would kind of brainstorm and adapt. I’ve always loved talking to the cast. We had such a smart cast. Owen is a writer as well. If you have that amazing resource, why not talk to them? We were always adapting. Obviously paying respect to the story we wanted to tell from the start, but always trying to make it better.

📷Herron on the set of ‘Loki’ with Hiddleston and Wilson.

Kevin Feige has said Owen Wilson, like his character, is nonplussed by the MCU. Since Owen isn’t necessarily dazzled by Marvel, does that make him all the more perfect for this role?

He is playing a Loki expert, so at the beginning of production, Tom and I were talking. He devised this thing called Loki School. He did a big lecture to the cast and crew. I love the character. This is a decade of fans loving this character and where that character has been. It was talking everyone through that, but through Tom and his own experiences. Stunts that Tom liked or costumes. He ended up doing that same Loki school for Owen. Owen absolutely loved it. Owen has such a writer’s brain. I remember I had to pitch him down the phone. My heart rate [was up].

Was this the pitch to get him to get Owen on board?

Yeah. I love his work. “Oh my God, I’m going to talk to Owen Wilson.” He’s so laid back and nice, it immediately puts you at ease. It was the most detailed pitch I’ve ever done, to an actor, ever. I think I pretty much spoke through the entire first episode with him. You can tell he’s a writer, just by the way he attacks story. His questions about the world and the structure and the arc of the character. It was really fun to work with him.

Was it the most detailed pitch you’ve ever done because you really wanted Owen, or because you knew you needed to woo him a bit to get him to sign on?

It was the questions he asked, and the way he attacked story, in that sense. And also probably because he was newer to the Marvel world, he was like, “OK, how does this work?” I also pitched him Loki’s arc over the past 10 years, where that character has gone, but also explaining our Loki and what happened in Endgame and time travel. There’s a lot to unpack in that conversation.

Sometimes Marvel will give writers or directors a supercut of all the scenes of a specific character. Did you get one of those?

They didn’t actually give me a supercut, but I’m a big Loki nerd. I think his is one of the best [arcs] in the MCU. I really wanted to make sure we were paying respect to that. At the same time, something Tom spoke about a lot was you have to go back for a reason. Let’s be united on what that reason is and feel that it’s worth it.

The reason can’t be, “Well that’s what happened in Endgame,” so the question becomes, “What is the point of revisiting him at this era of his life?”

Yeah. He’s only had — I don’t want to get this wrong — I think 112 minutes of screen time in total if you cut all his scenes together. And he steals the show. We have six hours to really delve into this character and talk about him and go on this completely new story with him. For me, it was making sure that [we’re] paying respect to what has come before — I know as a fan if there is a character I really loved and I found out they are making a show about him, I obviously would be so excited and so happy. I felt lucky to have the responsibility, and I took it very seriously.

Those who have worked with Kevin Feige say he’s someone who can stress test an idea and push things in new directions. What have you found working with him?

Something I always found was we would sometimes pitch something, and it would be at a good place, but he’d always be like, “OK, that’s great, but push it further.” Sometimes I’d pitch stuff and be like, “This is too weird,” and he’d say, “No, go weirder.” He wants to tell the best story and I found it really helpful having his eye across everything and the fact that he does challenge everything. Tom as well, on set. He brings this amazing energy and this great A-game that causes everyone to rise to the occasion.

How do you know when you’ve got the perfect Hiddleston take? Is he asking you for one more, are you pushing him to do one more take?

By the end, it was almost telepathic. We would kind of know. We would look at each other. “We could go again,” or, “We’ve got it.” It’s different with every actor. There are some actors who will come in firing and they just want to go for it. But they don’t want to do a million takes. There are other actors I work with who are very meticulous and they want quite a few to warm up and get into it. It’s actor-dependent. The way me and Tom are similar is we are both very perfectionist. We are both very studious. (Laughs.) We definitely connected in that sense. He’s a very generous actor. I remember one day, we had quite a few of our actors coming in as day players. It was really important for him to be there for them, to read lines offscreen. He would have to be 50 places at once, because he is the lead actor. The most amazing thing about him was his generosity. Not just to the other actors, but also to the crew, to be filming in a time like COVID.

When you make an Avengers movie, you get a big board with every character that’s available, and whether the actor’s deals will allow them to appear or if that would need to be renegotiated. Loki is smaller, but was there any equivalent for you? Was everything on the table? Was only some stuff on the table? I imagine if Chris Hemsworth has his own new Thor movie coming up, he’s not going to be on the table, necessarily.

I felt like everything was on the table if it meant it was good for story, and Marvel would be like, “We’ll work it out.” Me and the writers, we never felt restrained in that sense. Honestly, it always comes back to story.

What is your relationship with your editor as you finish this up?

We have three editors, Paul Zucker, Emma McCleave and Calum Ross. My relationship with all three of them is very different. Emma and me are very close because she was also in Atlanta away from home. I got to know her very well. I love working with the editors because it’s a fresh pair of eyes. You get so deep into something when you are filming, it’s almost like writing it again when you are in the edit. Stuff does change. Even some episodes, we’ve reordered the structure. Or we moved scenes from one episode to another episode. I’ve always loved the editing process. The best thing is someone honest who can be like, “Hey, this doesn’t quite make sense to me,” or, “This isn’t working.”

What are you going to do on premiere day? Will you be on the internet at all to see the reaction?

I’m actually working. I’m still finishing the show. My last day is the day the second episode airs. I’m going to be working that day. Sadly, I’ll probably check in on the internet a little bit, but I’ll probably go to bed when I finish because I think I’ll do a 12- or 13-hour day or something. I can’t remember. I’m really excited for people to see it and just to bring it out in the world, really.

Everyone wants to know about spoilers, but what’s something you wish you were asked about more when it comes to Loki?

Kevin Feige said, “We make movies. We want to run it like a movie.” So unlike a lot of television shows that are showrunner-led, this was run like a six-hour film. As a director, you don’t often get to do that in a television-structure show. I really enjoyed it, having a hand in story and just how collaborative it was. Also, just beyond that, directing the equivalent of a six-hour Marvel movie was incredible for me. That’s something I found interesting about it. Making something the Marvel way.

In terms of the themes, I love gray areas. The show is really about what makes someone truly good or what makes someone truly bad, and are we either of those things? Loki is in that gray area. It’s exciting to be able to tell a story like that. As a director and a writer, you don’t necessarily understand why you are making these stories. Something I keep getting drawn back into is identity. Sex Education, we spoke a lot about identity and feeling like an outsider but actually finding your people. I feel the same with Loki. It’s a show about identity and self-acceptance and for me, that’s also what drew me in.

Gray is a good way to describe Loki. Your version of Loki just tried to take over the Earth not long ago.

Exactly. This isn’t the Loki we’ve seen. How do we take a character that people love, but from a lot earlier, and send him on a different path? That for me was interesting, getting to unpack that. Alongside that, getting to set up a whole new corner of the MCU with TVA. That to me was so exciting.

What about the Teletubbies? You referenced that recently and it made quite a splash. Are you going to leave people in suspense on that?

I referenced the Teletubbies once and people were like, “What, Teletubbies? What does this mean?” Maybe I should leave people in the air with it. One thing I would say is the show for me, stylistically — I wanted it to be a love letter to sci-fi because I love sci-fi. Brazil, Metropolis, Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, Alien. If people love sci-fi, they will definitely see the little nods we’ve got across the show.  People will know what it was a reference for when they see the show. It was a visual reference to something in the show.

Interview has been edited for length and clarity. Loki debuts on Disney+ on June 9.

[brahkest-fr]

Have you thought about ever doing a step by step video/tutorial on how you make skins? Or record your process? I'm trying to start doing skins but there's a lot of stuff I don't understand that the site's tutorial doesn't really explain and speed paints aren't exactly great to look for answers, so I was wondering if you would ever do something of the sort, it would be cool

I’m kinda dumb and terribad at video recording but I can totes make a process with some screenies :0 Hopefully the following helps a bit. There is gonna be an assumption of basic knowledge on layers and whatnot just fyi! Perhaps someday I’ll actually record myself making a skin if I don’t get distracted and/or forget lol.

1) This is pretty much how I start my layers. I don’t change much from the default skin file provided by FR other than adding a mask to the skin folder so I don’t draw outside of the lines and then a gray overlay on top of the base just so it’s easier for me to see my sketch. I use bright colors like blue and pink to help me differentiate details. I turn off the clip lines/shadow as I don’t wanna see those atm.

The layer that says “Accent” is where I start my sketch.

If I’m making a skin for a particular dragon, I’ll often have them added in the file (note the hidden layer above the gray box). To do so, I save out a transparent version of the dragon and blow it up to 700px in waifu2x or something. Then I bump it up to 750px so it fits in the skin file. It’ll be a lil blurry but it’s good enough.

2) Next is line art - I have 2 layers for this skin: one for the jacket and another for the knuckle dusters and chains. Personally I like to close off all gaps in my line art, including drawing on the edges as you can see on the top of the collar by the wings or the gap formed by the hair on the midsection. This is just something I prefer doing as I find it makes my coloring less messy and annoying later on. But you can do it however it’s most comfortable.

At this stage, I’ll also either zoom out to 50% or resize to 50%, whichever works because it’s important to remember that the file size is 750 while the actual size you’ll have to save out will be 350 - details will shrink so make sure what you’re drawing will show up appropriately.

3) Now onto colors. Since I closed the gaps in the line art, I just fill bucket everything. For this skin, I drew the jacket’s colors on one layer because I’m trash and have 1 braincell but you can use as many layers as you need. In this case, the overlay layer was for extra saturation and the layer above that was for the black stripes. Be sure to clip additional color layers onto your base color so you keep things tidy and avoid coloring beyond the lines.

Again don’t forget to resize or zoom out to make sure your skin is looking as it should!

4) Finally I do some recoloring of the line art - in this case mostly the arm of the jacket. I lock the line art layer and go over it with colors darker than the surrounding colors - up to preference here. I don’t usually change the very edges just because I prefer a darker color there personally and my default is black. It’s also totally ok to have darker line art - again up to you.

Then I turn on the clip lines/shadow since you have to make sure those show up in the final piece. Clip lines is usually set to normal but I change it to multiply because I feel it turns out better for recoloring. When I recolor, I try to match the colors of the skin while also making sure it’s dark enough to be seen. Same goes for shadows.

*If you ever get a skin rejected, it’ll usually be how visible you make the original shadows and line art. There’s not really a hard rule on what counts as “passing” since it’s up to staff but I try to make it obviously visible without ruining my skin. So here you can still see the belly scales for example, but it’s not so pronounced that it takes away from the jacket. It’s a lil uggo imo but it is what it is.

*Something to note when you color: be careful how dark you make your base colors! Too dark and you won’t be able to see the clip lines/shadow very well in the future. Note how the collar of the jacket is light enough that the shadows and lines beneath are still visible.

This is how my clip lines/shadow layers look on normal mode so you can see what colors I made them. Play around with the values to make sure you achieve some balance between your skin looking good while still showing off the base lines and shadows of the dragon. I used pink and blue here since it matched well with the skin. By default, the lines and shadows are gray and if you don’t recolor those, your skin will end up looking muddy.

*Other than recoloring, do not touch the clip lines/shadows at all. Do not edit them or erase them otherwise that’s a quick ticket to rejection.

5) Finally, turn off everything but your accent folder and save that sucker out and resize to 350px. At this point you can test it on your actual dragon by either pasting the skin onto a pic of the dragon or by using FR Tools. Reminder that you should not use/mention FR Tools on the official site cuz staff doesn’t like it. However on FR Tools you can also test the coverage of your skin when you select “upload skin.” Less than 30% and it’s an accent. Above that and it’s a skin. There’s other ways to test coverage but FR’s gimp tutorial sucks and is outdated and I don’t have photoshop so lol.

*I often go through several iterations of a skin just in case I see weird flaws or missing details. Testing is very important once you finish as major changes to your skin after submission is not a fun process so be sure to get it all squared away the first time.

^ Your final product should look like this: transparent png (32bit) at 350px.

*Now this was the technical side of making skins using the tools at hand. If you have further questions I didn’t cover here, pls do feel free to ask! I’m no expert by any means but I can impart what I’ve learned after making a few.

[chibivesicle]

Golden Kamuy chapters 269-270.  The cliff notes meta edition.

This will be a less detailed meta as I’ve just been spread too thin recently and the current events of the manga have been underwhelming to me, making it harder to engage with the content.

Having an online presence has been a double-edged sword for me and as we mark 1 year of pandemic life, it is hard for me to invest as much time in it since I have to do so many more things online for work.  Sitting down to write meta isn’t as fun and relaxing as it once was when you have 7 zoom meetings over the course of several days. Add on the fact that I have not left the county were I live since February 2020 nor I have a seen any of my family or friends . . . yeah writing meta isn’t a much of a priority.  As an aside, I think more people need to be stating that being ‘productive’ and ‘leveling up’ during these times is either unrealistic and even more damaging by creating completely unrealistic expectations of how we should respond to things.

[steps off of soapbox]

Chapter 269, quickly shows us how the chaos that Tsurumi unleashed on the divided Ainu resulted in a tragedy and Wilk is the only one who managed to survive the massacre.

Tsurumi is able to sort out that there were eight Ainu, and that Wilk staged his own death by working quickly to conceal the identity of the dead partially by removing the eyes. 

Kikuta is the first one to find the man who dies soon after discovery and Tsurumi seems to be in awe of Wilk’s escape plan.

KIkuta also shows he’s a more empathetic individual worried about how they contributed to the death of Ariko’s father.  Did Tsurumi push Kikuta away after the war since he knew Kikuta would feel bad about doing the ‘things’ needed to be done for the gold?

It further highlights that Usami and Kikuta were never on the same page.  I do like how the following page shows both Kikuta and Ariko continuing to tie the narrative that Kikuta feels a connection with the younger man.  Shiraishi and Sugimoto spot Ariko, calling him Ariko Ipopte, which is an interesting choice to use a hybrid name for him.  Kikuta uses his full Japanese name, while these men use a mix.

The final panel showing a reflective looking Kikuta walking alone in the rain really emotional connects with the grief surrounding all of this unnecessary death.  Tsurumi sought to be a leader of men by giving them love and being the stand in father for them.  I think that Kikuta is the character who is the natural and honest father figure - we know he has a deep relationship with Ariko and we also know he has some sort of connection to Sugimoto.

Tsurumi continues his ‘discussion’ of events with Asirpa and Sofia.  Tsurumi has such a complicated relationship with Wilk.  He’s both in awe of the man’s determination to survive but at the same time he wanted him destroyed at such a great cost.

Tsurumi really lays on the guilt to Asirpa that Wilk did everything to protect her - under the assumption that she’d be unfairly treated if her father had killed all of those men.  Perhaps that is the case, perhaps not.  It seems contradictory to his own actions where he gave Ogin and the Lighting Bandit’s child to Huci to care for it.  He has this weird approach to the impact of the ‘sins of the parents’ on the child  . . .

Tsurumi doggedly pursues Wilk and they immediately recognize each other and he flees onto the lake with his canoe.  By shooting at Wilk, he forces him to capsize the canoe and items sink down into the lake.  Honestly, I’m not sure what Tsurumi was hoping to achieve by this - make him swim so that he could capture him more easily.  We don’t know how skilled Tsurumi is with a rifle and I’d be more concerned about killing Wilk and loosing the information.  It seems reckless in my opinion since the ultimate outcome was Wilk appealing to Inudou thus achieving protection from the 7th.

I think Tsurumi was fueled and blinded by his emotions which only made things more complicated and drew the hunt for the gold out even longer (to the present time).

The rest of the chapter explains how Kiro felt.  First, the grief at the loss of Wilk, trying to move on my having a family, but ultimately coming back to realize that Wilk was still alive after the war.  Really, Wilk underestimated Kiro’s intelligence since he figured out that Kimuspu was the seventh man, not Wilk.  As a Kiro fan, I of course favor him, but he really showed he’s a good leader and actually willing to take risks.  What is most important is that having a family only lead him to want to fight for them - even more.

Kiro sees the flaw in Wilk’s plan of Hokkaido as an independent unit as a place for various native peoples, while ignoring all of the logistical issues that Kiro already pointed out to him previously.  The Far Eastern Federation has the flaw that it is connected by land to Russia, but would me much harder to lay siege to.  But Hokkaido as an island could easily be cut off - and with not much industry within itself, you still can’t do a whole lot with all of those raw materials if you can get industrial technologies from elsewhere.  If it were blockaded they’d be screwed.  Sure, you wouldn’t starve, but you wouldn’t be able to advance quickly.  All that gold and nowhere to spend it.

Thus, Kiro believed he was acting in regard to their original goals and had no choice but to remove Wilk from the equation.  As Wilk had become the very wolf that he had observed as a child and played with its pelt.  That is some next level foreshadowing by Noda, if I do say so.

In the end, Kiro remained much more committed to their fight as partisans than Wilk did.  You have to give it to him, he stuck to his original plans and he died believing he did the right thing.  Now, looking back at how upset Sofia was when she first saw Kiro, we know why she slapped him in the first place.  I’ll take it to mean that she was upset by Kiro’s actions but at the same time understood what he did.  But then Sofia let it go, as she would soon go on to also speak fondly of Wilk and his desire to be like the wolves.  Therefore, I don’t think Sofia was completely angry with Kiro, instead she knew the decision that was made and perhaps, she too, would have understood that there were divided in their goals once they moved on with their lives.

The next chapter starts off with the bottle mobile boys and Ariko on horseback as they determine what to do next.  Sugimoto is amazingly still not rushing in like a maniac which is out of character for him.  Are you okay Sugimoto?  Or have your encounters with Kikuta and Boutarou begun to have an impact on you without being aware of it?

The settle on letting Ariko go ahead, even though he doesn’t answer their question.  I’d say he doesn’t have a clue what side he is on.  He likely cares about Kikuta.  But he wants to see Asirpa succeed since he feels ashamed by his own approach towards life in Hokkaido as an Ainu.

Off he goes alone to figure out how to rescue Asirpa.  Really, a terrible idea since sure he’s a tough guy, but we don’t know what his fighting skills are like in the first place. . . . At least he isn’t a hothead, so sending him in alone will be less of a disaster than Sugimoto.

The action returns to Tsurumi trying to turn up the heat on Asirpa.  She asks him about Kiro’s fingerprints at the crime scene - a lie that Tsurumi fed to Inkarmat to get her to help him.  He writes it off as him doing a good thing for her - she closed a chapter of her life - then again - he doesn’t know that Koito let Tanigaki and Inkarmat escape.  The next several pages are a slow psychological technique that builds up to Tsurumi reveling that the bullet that killed Fina and Olga had been from Wilk’s pistol.  Dum da duuum!

So, according to Tsurumi it is Wilk’s fault all those Ainu died.  That he should have never left Russia for Japan.  That even his time in Russia resulted in Fina and Olga’s deaths.  Everything is Wilk’s fault!

This page ends with how Tsukishima let go of the woman he had loved and his memory of her - yet Tsurumi kept the bullet and the finger bones of his family!  We can see that Tsukishima is barely holding it together, so upset by this knowledge!

As a master manipulator of people, Tsurumi thanks Sofia for what she has contributed to the story - he can help her feel better by telling her that she did not kill his wife and child. . . .  on no, he only uses it as a way to add even more pressure on Asirpa!

To Tsurumi, Asirpa is no child, she is the direct tie to all of his anger and pain and his twisted soul.  

I mean, he kept Wilk’s skinned face and he’s using it to get her to break! What is more interesting is after the initial shock, Sofia quickly regains her calm while Asirpa - well she’s clearly buying into Tsurumi’s explanation of things.

She is thinking about how her father ‘turned’ Tsurumi into the person he is before her . . . . I’d be willing to say that Wilk influenced Tsurumi - as much as Tsurumi influenced Wilk.  Yet, Tsurumi as a human being is responsible for his decisions and he alone can respond to them in a constructive or destructive way.  It is clear Tsurumi went for the latter.

Sofia’s calm in this pressure situation is clear as she asks him if it was for revenge.  She’s a smart woman and has lived long enough to see these types of things through.

Tsukishima is ready to kill Tsurumi - it would make him a hypocritical leader - having him let go of his own earthly attachments only to serve a man bent on revenge.  Koito is listening closely as well, unsure of how he’s going to respond.

Tsurumi makes it clear he could have killed Asirpa any number of times.  I think this is another case of Tsurumi playing a verbal slight of hand.  He’s asked if he’s doing this out of revenge, and his answer is - I haven’t killed her yet.  Gee, based on how messed up you are Tsurumi, we both know that there is more than one way to take revenge. Killing someone in retribution is one way to take revenge or the worse way - make their life a living hell.  It is clear that Tsurumi is going for the second one to break Asirpa.

There is a dramatic two page spread as he explains that he is doing this for Japan - and the implied increasing militaristic activities of the late Meiji government to expand their domain.

If feels - like a performance to me as a reader.  The pages are remarkably light in tone giving it an optimistic and feeling of purity.  Yet, Tsurumi is a broken and corrupt man . . . cruel in his intentions.  He only says this as a way to combat anyone who were to contradict him . . . .

It is too perfect - too convenient - too good for Koito and Tsukishima to believe in my own opinion. As both of the men seem relived to have heard these very words as a type of closing statement.

Tsukishima looks relived that Tsurumi is continuing on the behalf of all of their fallen comrades and families.  Again, this sounds too perfect like Tsurumi’s speech isn’t for Asirpa nor Sofia, it is for Koito and Tsukishima who are eavesdropping.  Since Tsurumi is a next level planner/manipulator he likely came up with this well rehearsed speech to placate all issues around his inability to move on from his family’s death.  It makes him look mature and that he’d moved on from his more basic human needs.

Koito looks like he’s trying really hard to believe Tsurumi and how Tsurumi’s words would comfort Tsukishima.  But is that how you really feel Koito?  That face looks - so - fake.  Like Koito is overdoing it again and is actually unsure how to react.  So, he he looks elated, Tsukishima will feel better - or something.

What I really want to know is why they are just there hiding and watching Tsurumi?  If they are wanting to think independently and beyond Tsurumi why do it while hiding?  It seems no matter what either man may think, they are still under Tsurumi’s thumb as far as how they react to his behavior and the current events.

And I’m gonna have to hold things here while I find a way to read the  more recent chapters with non-shady software to decompress the files since I’ve been using Mangadex the entire time I’ve been reading GK (in addition to the english versions of previous chapters).

[vegalocity]

10/18 spicynoodles plis

Prompt meme || @deborahsworld

10.A Shy Kiss/18. Holding Hands

Hell yeah time for fluff

--

Okay... first date....Going pretty well so far. The Movie was okay—MK wasn't very big on horror movies even ones as old as this one was, but Red Son was really excited when he saw it was being played for a ‘foreign movies’ night at the movie theater and what, could have have argued against such enthusiasm?—if a bit slow going and atmospheric.

Though after the heroes found the monster frozen and seemingly dead in the abandoned Norwegian outpost, all twisted and malformed, he really hoped his appetite wouldn't be killed by the end of this with even worse when the monsters started actually moving.

And then the monsters actually started moving.

The dog turning into a monster and killing the other dogs hurt the animal lover inside him, and he felt a bit of his latent arachnophobia begin to rear its head when the hairy legs sprouted from its back, and then the actual form the monster, halfway through killing the remaining trapped dogs had sent a chill up his spine and then-

“See how they were able to make the monster look goopy? It's not really very goopy except during the close up shots, because it's an animatronic so it had to be dry most of the time, they got the shine effect by piling liquid latex ontop of the finished paintjob until it started drying while it trailed off of the frame. And that right there? When it took the hurt dog? That was actually filmed in reverse, having the tentacles start out around the dog puppet and then rapidly pull away so when they reversed it it looked like they actually moved and had torque behind the action.”

“Really?”

“Yeah it's really fascinating how they went about effects before computer graphics were refined, everything had to be practical so even if it doesn't look the best, it doesn't hit that uncanny valley that bad CGI makes because even if it doesn't look real it looks real enough.”

It didn't feel quite as disturbing with that rattling around in his head, focusing on how much work must have been done to make the monster move as realistically as possible, how many times they'd practiced and trained in a controlled sound stage and adapting it to the set...

They weren't the only ones in the theater, but it was a mostly empty showing, as was usually the case with foreign films as old as this one. So it wasn't like they were disturbing anyone with Red Son leaning over to whisper interesting details MK would have never even thought to look up to make the overall experience less scary. Red Son seemed aware that he wasn't the biggest horror fan, and was trying to soften the blows the more intense moments would bring by talking through them and bringing back  the reality that it was just a movie they were watching.

“I was alive in this era and I can state with general expertise that computers were certainly not that advanced yet. Computer AI wasn't past that of your average graphing calculator until at least the mid 1990's.”

“They got that sound effect by putting a microphone in a tin trash can and recording the sound of a racecar zooming by and put it in a reverb chamber until it sounded completely unrecognizable”

“Blair is already a Thing at this point, you remember when he was dissecting the Norwegian base's monster? He was using a pencil eraser to point out that era in its chest and then he'd touched the eraser to his lip! And since it started by probably just a small contingent of shed cells it probably took him longer to assimilate than the others.”

“This is actually really cool! The stunt double for Copper that they got for the scene actually was a double amputee! They made fake hands for him out of latex, filled them with fake blood, and styled the chest jaw like a bear trap for that disgusting pulling shot.”

Though... That one didn't work as well... When the long tendril shot from the Thing's stomach and sprouted slider legs and a second head, the extending neck hissing and glaring down at the heroes, he felt his gut turn, even as the heroes took the flamethrower to the monster.

The monster's first head ripped from its body and grew spider legs. And Oh GOD that was disgusting, without thinking he reached for the edge of the armrest to grip as the heroes had to play cat and mouse with a severed, spider head. He'd missed, and his hand clapped down atop of Red Son's and squeezed.

Red Son jolted beside him and MK saw him turn in his direction in his periphery.

“You know if this is freaking you out too much we can leave.”

“No! No, it's okay. You like this movie! You wouldn't know so much about it if you didn't like it!” Besides, he shouldn't be getting so spooked about some kinda gross kinda spidery horror movie from the 1980s, what kind of hero got freaked out at a little practical effects?

He couldn't see Red Son's face very well with only the light of the movie itself to see by, but he made a strange sort of humming noise and slipped his hand out of MK's, moving his arm to put the arm rest up and then slide his hand back into his own.

“Here, that should be more comfortable then.”

And it was. Red Son's factoids and chatter alongside the movie were doing well at cutting the edge off of it again, and it was aided by not just their connected hands, but now by his physical closeness as well.

“I've heard the director had this stylistic rule about after the Things start invading, the idea is that if a character has light reflecting off their eyes they're human, if not they're a Thing.”

“Most people think Palmers was the shadow the dog assimilated back earlier but I think it was Norris, Palmers didn't get turned into a thing until after they go and talk to Blair again I don't think.”

“Actually...I don't think I like that translation very much. Like yeah it's more polite and Gary's a gentleman, but 'I'd rather not spend the rest of this winter tied to this fucking couch' emphasizes the stress of the situation better.”

And then came the time of the final confrontation, MK braced himself, squeezed Red Son's hand in his own. It was indeed gross, and frightful, and the puppetry alone was REALLY good. All those moving parts and there's no way that THAT was an animatronic so it HAD to be a puppet. And wow that was a REALLY good explosion.

...huh...Apparently he could do it too.

The movie ended with what MK felt like was a tentatively optimistic note. The remaining two heroes sharing a drink as the research facility and the monsters it housed burned around them. And you maybe get the feeling the two of them won't survive the cold, but they stopped the monsters and that’s what matters.

Though MK was right to worry over the movie killing his apatite because by the time the lights went up and the credits rolled he found he wasn't very hungry. Which felt ridiculous since he was always in need of quick carbs for Monkie Kid things. But Red Son had lost his own apatite as well apparently and the two of them could do nothing but laugh a bit awkwardly at their date being derailed by a movie being a bit too gross.

So MK pulled him into a nearby park and they went for a walk instead of the restaurant they'd planned for.

“Most people think that Childs is a Thing and I'm tempted to agree, He doesn't have the eye shine but neither does MacReady and we know he's not a Thing, but MacReady's breath is steaming and Childs' doesn't until the very end there, and MacReady wasn't drinking, those were Molotov Cocktails, that was gasoline and Childs just downed it without a thought to taste or smell.”

“So you think the Thing won at the end?”

“I don't know, but they do have one flamethrower left and Childs whether he's a Thing or not just drank gasoline. So MacReady as a person is probably as good as dead.”

“I Dunno, I like the idea that he wasn't a Thing in the end, gives it something not dissimilar to a happy ending, but like, it's not like they hadn't been wrong about who was a Thing before. The dog handler wasn't a Thing but he got shot anyway.”

“That's very true.”

It was about there that MK realized he'd yet to let go of Red Son's hand.

Well... he hadn't pulled away... MK squeezed Red Son's hand in his own, and Red Son—on a tangent about how in the time before CGI they'd made the stylistic title card with use of a fishtank, garbage bag, flash paper and a lot of smoke—squeezed him back.

A few hours and a plate or two of street vendor food when either of their appetites returned later and Red Son had insisted on walking him home. He was staying in a penthouse that his family technically owned but he was the only one who actually knew about it, and he wanted to be a gentleman before he headed back there.

“Well,  I hope you enjoyed yourself a bit. I feel as though I should apologize for choosing such a niche film, mother always said I was the only one who cared about foreign horror movies and just because I find movie effects fascinating especially in a time before technology was as advanced as it is now doesn't mean I should subject others to my incessant yammering.”

he didn't really think Red Son could pull off shy, but he'd folded his arms tightly and was very pointedly NOT looking at him now. And Sure, this felt like a big step, but that playfully self deprecating tone wasn’t gonna fly here. He moved slowly, giving Red Son time to pull away if desired. Placing one hand on Red Son's shoulder, the other on the side of his face to turn his head. He had to get on his tiptoes to make it to his level, but he leaned in-

It was nice. Soft, and Red Son of course ran hotter than an average person so it was warm too. He pulled away just as he felt Red Son start to press back against him. When MK opened his eyes, he noticed Red Son's were still closed for a moment longer before fluttering open.

“I like your incessant yammering.” He had such a cute blush. “it means you're passionate about something.” 

“You... wanna come in? Monkey King gave me this new tea blend I've been meaning to try out.”

--

Prompt meme (I’ll stop when y’all stop sending stuff)

[lunawings]

My history with King of Prism and worries for the future

Poor Nikkanen. They made us wait TWO YEARS for the release of the full version of his ONLY song. I don’t think Prism Rush was supposed to end when it did, and the unreleased songs are more or less proof of that. (I mean what were they saving them for? I doubt the “Best Of” collection was what they originally had in mind.) I had always assumed that some time after SSS ended we’d start getting new songs on Prism Rush again and get another Prism Rush compilation CD. But that did not happen. 

Did SSS not do well? I mean... having been in a sold-out theater many a time I had assumed that it did quite well. But maybe the TV ratings and/or DVD sales weren’t what they should have been. (Then again, if we’re just talking about Prism Rush, it wouldn’t matter how well SSS did or didn’t do if people didn’t spend enough money on the app to warrant releasing new songs for it.) 

But that aside... it is a bit concerning to not only have Prism Rush ending, but over a year after SSS, to have nothing on the horizon in the future except for some “Best Of” discs... Maybe they’ll announce something at the Zoom show? Maybe they won’t. 

It may be too early to start mourning the King of Prism series as a whole, but...

But I can’t help but feel myself starting to mourn at least my own future with it.  With no new Prism Rush content and without ability to go to in-person cheering shows, I... I just I... I feel like I may find it hard to keep as passionate as I have been in the past. And to make matters worse, I’m not going to be able to work on my translations as much as before either. When I was translating 2-3 events a month on my Prism Rush translation blog, I had no job and then like... half a job. To make a long story short recently that first job not only got upgraded to full time, but I got another job as well. So now I have a job and a half and... a lot less free time. 

For a long time my main fandom has been split something like 49%/51% Love Live/King of Prism, but with the constant stream of accessible new Love Live content and lack of much of anything King of Prism I think that percentage will soon change...

And so, while feeling emotional about all this, I started mentally revisiting my favorite moments from my time in the King of Prism fandom. (It’s all stuff I’ve talked about before, but if you’d like me to dig up the post or explain the details, do let me know...)

(In somewhat chronological order-ish)

*Stepping out of Toho Cinemas and into the Bay City Nagoya Mall in early January 2016 not knowing how to process what had just happened. I’d heard people talk about how exiting to the parking lot after seeing Star Wars the first time in the 1970s was a bizarre experience. They didn’t know how to tell people the world was different now. I thought to myself that this was probably the same feeling. How could I tell people the world was sparkling now?

*Three weeks and three showings later, realizing I did not want to trade after I opened up my Shin filmstrip bonus. “I think I like him.” 

*Hanging up said filmstrip and my other original theater bonuses on the wall of my apartment. “King of Prism won’t be in theaters much longer”, I thought to myself. “It was fun while it lasted.”

*The radiance exploding from me as I talked to OTHER PEOPLE who had seen King of Prism for the fIRsT tIME (a thing that did not happen for several months). 

*Tokyo cheering shows back in the heyday. Looking around a giant, screaming, sold-out theater in Ikebukuro after many months had passed and realizing I was a part of something much bigger than I had realized. 

*The first Animate Cafe in Kyoto. Everyone gleefully answering “Naaaani” while listening to the explanation of how the cafe worked. The miracle of getting my first, and still favorite, cafe Shin badge.

*Screaming at the Over the Rainbow event live viewing when they announced Pride the Hero. We did it. We really did it. We were actually getting the sequel I once thought was impossible.

*The midnight showing of Pride the Hero. People crying before it even started and the thunderous applause after it finished that I thought would never end. (People in Japan usually never clap after movies.) 

*Music Ready Sparking. (The first concert.) The feeling of seeing SePTENTRION (long before they were called that) rising up to the stage to perform live for the first time. 

*The realization that I knew all the words to Dramatic Love, despite having never sang it before. (The instrumental began during the credits at the concert and we all... just... started singing. Japanese fandoms usually never sing at concerts unless directed to.) This is probably still my favorite moment of all time in the King of Prism fandom.

*The announcement of the Prism Rush app and the golden age of the game. Biting my nails with anticipation over what would happen next in the White Day event.

*Screaming in the theater during the Rose Party 2018 event live viewing when they announced SSS. We did it. We REALLY did it this time. We got an actual anime. We reached the mainstream.

*The adventure that was reading Road to SSS for the first time on Prism Rush and trying to predict what all the duos would be only to be blindsided by completely new characters. Going from “the heck are these guys” to “MY SONS” regarding the Amamoto twins over the course of about an hour.  

*Listening to everyone (not so) silently laughing, screaming, crying, and otherwise sUfFeRiNg during the non-cheering midnight premiere of SSS Part 1 and realizing I had never felt so emotionally connected to any such other large group of complete strangers before. 

*Going from the Nagoya premiere straight to the SSS greeting show in Tokyo where Junta Terashima looked at me... maybe. (I’d like to think he did.)

*When the OP played for the first time during our very first SSS livestream on Rabbit and seeing y’all just typing “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA” into the chat.

*In Tokyo, walking out of KFC in the POURING rain and stumbling upon SePTENTRION’s shopping street despite having completely missed it the first time. IT WAS REAL. 

*Glancing over at my TV screen during our very last SSS livestream on Rabbit and having the color drain from my face when I saw Shin in his Daisuki Refrain outfit (which was not shown in theaters) for the very first time two minutes before you guys in the chat would see it, and having no idea how to contain this emotion. 

*Clicking to another tab after our last SSS livestream to type my commentary post and then clicking back to see you guys collectively making the Wiki page for SePTENTRION on Rabbit.

*Prism dolphin show.

*The CLOUD of real (fake) money flying through the air during Kakeru’s prism show on the during all-night Prism Shower showing of SSS. (Also people offering to pay for young Alexander to go to the Prism King Cup.)

*The miracle moment when I finally got the livestream for the Rose Party 2019 on Stage to work on Kast despite a typhoon and an earthquake. THE PRISM SPARKLE PREVAILED. Dangerously walking back to my hostel in said typhoon and sleeping for about an hour and not even caring because I was convinced more than ever that the prism sparkle is real.  

*Seeing Shota Aoi live for the first time, realizing I was looking at a literal angel, and not knowing how to contain this emotion. 

*The chills during an orchestral Dramatic Love.

*A very overdue performance by my favorite boy during the Best Ten movie. It was worth the wait. Feeling I may actually be able to leave Japan with no regrets thanks to Daisuki Refrain.

*The Best Ten greeting show in Nagoya where Masashi Igarashi jumped an original Nagoya-themed prism jump. 

*Finally telling Junta Terashima and Masashi Igarashi my feelings in the letters I spent days writing to put in their present boxes at the SSS live. 

*Dropping all my luggage when I stumbled upon the very place, the very scaffolding under which Minato met Kouji for the first time in Shizuoka. IT WAS REAL.

*Masashi Igarashi waved to me at the end of the 2nd performance of the SSS live... maybe. (I’d like to think he did.) 

*Hearing the “Naaaani” response to anything ringing through the Makuhari Messe hall before the SSS live and just thinking about how far we’ve come as a fandom and yet how much has stayed the same. 

Like I mentioned earlier, I had a moment in early 2016 when I hung up all the King of Prism stuff I had on my wall and thought “It was fun while it lasted.” 

It looked like this:

Nowadays I have two FULL photo albums filled with concert tickets, theater bonuses, post cards, coasters, stickers... (Not to mention an entire drawer filled with my collection of Shin merch.)

Everything inside is a memory of some event I went to, something I ate at a cafe, some kind of experience I had such as the ones I talked about in this post... It’s always been pretty disorganized because I was constantly getting new things all the time.

But now that I have no idea when (...or if) it will be added to, I can finally take it all out and organize it by character or something. 

But I’ve been avoiding it. 

Because I know when I do, there will probably be a moment where I close the cover and think to myself “It was fun while it lasted.”

[only-here-for-jatp]

Build-a-Band Pt 6 Sir Reginald II

It’s another Build-a-Band chapter!!! This time from Julie’s POV as she watches her adorable himbos make Build-a-Bears

She makes Reggie (Spoilers I know, but to be fair- he’s the only one left!)

If I’m really good, and y’all are really excited, I’ll try to get the last part done tonight! It feels weird to wrap this up. Feels like I’ve been working on it forever.

Anyway, you can read it on Ao3 here

And also below! ~1800 words

Julie knew long before Reggie headed home that all the boys would be back, sooner rather than later, which is why she checked her schedule. Luckily, she was opening the next morning and everything would be quiet. Not to mention, she’d already gotten her first couple of paychecks so hopefully she could pay for everything that was about to happen. She knew her father would help since he loved to dote on his adopted ghost boys, but it was also kind of nice to be able to do this for them.

She’d gotten home to find Alex stubbornly refusing to let go of Alexander, Luke whining that he wanted one, and Reggie filled with so much pride and warmth that she could swore he was glowing. By the time she’d left for bed that night, all plans finalized, the boys had been snuggled up in their own bed. Alex in the middle holding tightly to Alexander, sandwiched between the two other boys. She chuckled as she headed out knowing she might need a lot of sleep and energy for her three tag-alongs the next day.

It’s why when she arrived before the boys the next morning, she took a minute to breathe everything in. She kind of liked the mall when everything was quiet and peaceful. The lights were mostly dimmed and the only sounds were the distant hiss of coffee machines and the soft whispers of the few other employees, not willing to break the silence just yet.

The store itself appeared kind of magical with colors and life bleeding through everything. Even though the store wasn’t truly alive yet. She liked being the first one in and getting to set everything up. She could organize the pre-made bears in the window into cute scenes, place out the small props that existed around the store. She tried for something new every time, some small little spin that would put an extra bright smile onto the child that noticed.

It was as she was setting up that she walked past a bin that made her stop. Long before Reggie had insisted on joining her she’d been imagining which bears she’d pick out for everyone. She’d found a bear for Flynn and Carrie and Luke and Alex, but Reggie had been stumping her for a couple of weeks. Until of course, she walked past this particular bin this morning.

She wasn’t sure how she’d missed it before. The bear was soft and black with wide eyes and a small smile. It was soft and the fur had a slight curve to it. She let her fingers drift across the Midnight Moon Bear and knew that this would be the one. No sooner had she finished the thought when she heard the tell-tale signs of poofing ghosts.

She turned around with a smile catching the first glimpses on Alex and Luke. They both stared wide-eyed and open mouthed, although Alex caught himself pretty quick transforming into a look of mild interest. She could still see the sparkle in his eyes though as he started wandering towards the shelves. Reggie just kept nodding the quintessential “AM I RIGHT???” look plastered across his face.

Julie nearly died of laughter once Luke found the puppies and zoomed around the store with Reggie. She took glee in the opportunity to tease Luke about his height. Even with Alex quiet unawareness of what was going on around him, she could spot the joy he was trying to hide.

The store may be no longer be quiet and peaceful, but she had to admit, she liked it filled with life more. It wasn’t the thrill on being on stage in front of screaming fans, but it was the little moments of connection as a child watched a shell of fabric come to life. It was the awe in their eyes as they oh so carefully picked out a heart and gave it warmth and joy and love. Her favorite though was when she stuffed the new toy and she was one-on-one with a child and they kept glancing into her eyes and back to the ever growing stuffie. For just a moment, she knew that child believed in magic and life and love so strongly that it could change the world.

Now here she was getting to watch those emotions dance across her boys’ faces. The boys had so many characteristics which defined them. They were dead, and a band, and family. They suffered through childhoods, that while Julie didn’t know all the details, she knew forced them to grow up fast. Forced them to take care of themselves when the people who should’ve failed.

So, she took a moment to breathe and watch as her boys were able to be just that. Boys. Children. Teenagers. Dorks who just wanted something soft.

After she watched all three of the boys pick up their piece, she grabbed what would soon become Sir Reginald II and led them over to the stuffing machine. She went through the basic instructions, knowing the boys were barely paying attention before guiding them over to the hearts.

She smiled at their enthusiasm and teased Reggie as he looked at every single heart in all of the boxes. Luke was also digging, but it seemed to be more purposeful while Alex picked through the hearts carefully taking his time to find the right one. Julie, on the other hand, knew exactly which heart she wanted. She’d picked it out the day before when Reggie was here and slipped it behind the counter. Out of all the hearts she’d ever seen in the box, it was by far the biggest. Nearly twice as big as the next closest size and a vibrant red. Reggie’s heart was so large, she knew Sir Reginald II needed one to match.

It didn’t particularly surprise her when Reggie asked her to “do the magic” and she struggled to contain her laughter when he managed to drag his friends into a group beg. Julie never intended to say no, but watching the boys plead with her was admittedly adorable. So she led them through it, warming up the heart, jumping with the heart, and her personal favorite- the wish.

When she’d done the heart for Alexander the day before, she’d wished for Alex to know that he was family. He was just as important and valued by her as any of the other boys. Reggie was rapidly taking on a big brother role, and although she tried to be exasperated about it, she couldn’t be more thrilled. Luke was… something. Some days he felt like her other half. Alex though, Alex was everything that kept her calm and steady and grounded. She hoped she knew how much he meant to her.

For Reggie’s bear she’d thought long and hard about what the whispered wish would be. In the end, she thought about everything she loved about Reggie.

Sir Reginald II please take care of Reggie. Sometimes he doesn’t realize how important he is. He’s the glue that holds us all together and keeps us going when everything seems bleak. He is so loved and so valuable. Please remind him of that when everything seems hard.

Alex brought William the Sk8 Bear up first and he seemed to bounce a little as he came to life. The shriek though when Alex caught sight of the skateboard accessories would forever be her favorite.

Reggie came up to him next and whispered to her. I made a wish, but I wondered if you wanted to leave one for Luke too. Her eyes widened as a blush covered her cheeks, but she agreed. Quietly she sang to the heart.

We say we're friends, we play pretend. You're more to me, we're everything Our voices rise and soar so high. We come to life when we're, In perfect harmony

She kept glancing over to Luke, ensuring he wasn’t paying attention, but thankfully he was also absorbed in his bear. Reggie jittered with excitement next to her, ready for the bear to be made, already planning in his head exactly how to accessorize Lukas.

Luke slowly approached her, ready to make Jules a true stuffie. She couldn’t help but give him a look. Was this really the one he picked for her? She loved it, but she had to laugh at the slightly awkward eyeliner they’d put on this bear. Her gasp resounded though as she caught a glimpse of the heart in his hand.

It was a vibrant purple and whatever second guessing she did about his knowledge of her faded as she saw the most beautiful heart. It was her favorite shade of purple and she squeezed it tight, once again feeling a blush crawling up her cheeks.

Once she’d stuffed Jules the Bear, it was a lot easier to see where he was going with this. His smile at the sight filled her with a small light and she passed him the bear while he flounced off to find her the perfect outfit.

Quickly she got to work on Sir Reginald II already knowing that among the clothing and accessories lived a white tank top, black jeans, a leather jacket, and a red stuffed bass guitar.

There was something steady about stuffing the bears. There was a little foot press like on a sewing machine or piano. In a way, it almost felt like she was making music as she brought Sir Reginald to life. The machine would wheeze as the stuffing flowed through the nozzle to the bear and it would make soft whump noises as it filled in all the spaces. Carefully she laced up the back and flipped the bear over. If she didn’t stare too deeply or too hard she could almost see the twinkle in its eye and the smirk on his face.

Looking up, she caught a glimpse of the boys rushing around and finding all the perfect pieces. Dressing the bears, laughing, and teasing each other. Every now and again someone would pick up an article of something ridiculous and hold it up, asking if it was what each other was looking for.

She loved them, but they certainly were high energy and she took a deep breath before rejoining the fray. Luke had Lukas grasped tightly, eyes a little watery while he batted away Alex’s hands who appeared to be trying to snatch Lukas away. She let out a small laugh at their antics and eased Jules out of Reggie’s arms and replaced her with Sir Reginald II.

If she noticed Luke freeze and eye her warily, she didn’t think much of it as she gripped Jules loosely in her arms. Jules ended up in an outfit that was pretty close to her Stand Tall outfit and she was mildly impressed. Unfortunately, Julie caught a glimpse down at her watch and began to shoo the boys out. It was just about time to open, which meant it was time to send them home. She gently placed Jules back in Reggie's arms and began preparing for the rest of her day.

[lonelypond]

Parent Trap, Ch. 3

Love Live, NicoMaki, 3.1K, 3/?

Summary: Maki heads to Philly, after some pointed questions from Grandmama Nishikino; Nico seizes the stage; Eli worries.

Another First

Eli hadn’t been sleeping so when Mischa came out and saw her Mama sleeping on the couch again, she curled up against her, humming.

“Nontan?” Eli muttered, but the weight on her side was a light one, “Misha?” Eli was wide awake.

“You have a bed, Mama.” Misha stated.

“I know, baby. I’ve just had to stay up late and I don’t want to disturb your mother.”

“What’s been keeping you away from me, Elichi?” Nozomi drawled, wrapping her robe around herself as she entered the kitchen.

“Well, you.” Eli thought, but she just hugged Misha and yawned, “I’ll be in bed early tonight.”

Nozomi leaned on the counter,“I look forward to it.”

Eli ignored that, giving all her attention to her daughter, “What do you want for breakfast?”

“Caramel popcorn.” 

“Popcorn isn’t breakfast food. How about cereal, that’s crunchy.”

“Okay.”

“Here you go,” Nozomi pulled puffed corn cereal off the shelf, “Put some blueberries in.”

“Good idea, Mom.”

“Thank you, baby bear.” Nozomi winked at Eli, “All my ideas are good ones.”

Eli remained silent. She couldn’t figure out, besides her usual matchmaking tendencies, what Nozomi might be up to. But she needed to know details before she needed to do damage control. But Nozomi, unusually, wasn’t being quick to gloat. Which worried Eli even more.

###

Maki was glad Dia was asleep. The Nishikino matriarch was about to make Dia’s Mama’s life very difficult and Maki didn’t want Dia picking up on her stress.

“So, Maki, why are you suddenly flying to Philly?” Coffee was never just a pleasant drink shared.

“Got a ticket to a concert. It’s the only one I can make. I want to pick up a lot of local history books for Dia.”

“Concert? The symphony? Philadelphia is….” “No.” Maki shook her head, speaking slowly calmly, nothing to see here, “Singer, friend of Eli’s.” “Oh.” The strategic sip.  Maki countered with a glance at the time.

“Thank you, Mama. Dia was very excited about coming here…” Her mother raised an eyebrow, “Has Dia met your new…” hesitation, fraught with meaning, “friend?” Maki shrugged, “We had a casual lunch. She knew a fun place to go skating. The Ribbon downtown. You should take Papa.”

“I’ll be sure to get the details from Dia.” Her mother was really going to interrogate her one year old grandchild for details about Maki’s date. And then the internet. Oh gods, Maki paled, what did you get when you searched Nico? What kind of things did she wear onstage?

“I really have to go.” Maki stood, going to kiss Dia before she left. “I’ll call you when I land.”

Her mother nodded, “Be careful, dear.” “I always am.”

Maki wondered what her life would have been like if she’d been a little less careful.

###

Nico stared at the message that had just pinged in.

M: So, I’m in Philadelphia tonight. But your show is sold out.

Nico snorted. Of course her show was sold out, all the tickets were gone in two hours. 

Another ping.

M: I was hoping you could sneak me in ; )

N: Nico doesn’t do groupies.

M: Does this outfit work? I usually go to symphonies. Then the snap. A short, plaid skirt, textured and torn stockings, the kickiest of designer boots, a cropped NicoNi t-shirt under what looked like a cashmere swing coat. Nico whistled.

“Cocoro?”

“Yeah, sis?” “Find Maki and bring her to the green room. Fast. She looks like this.” Nico handed Cocoro her phone.

“Is she the one with the little girl?”

“Yes.” “Doesn’t look like anyone’s mother.” Cocoro snapped. “Just go get her.” Nico ordered.

Exasperated, Cocoro zoomed out the door.

“And be friendly.” Nico yelled as the door closed. 

Nico leaned back in her chair, staring at the ceiling, willing herself to focus on the concert, the audience, the fans eager for a Nico Ni knockout show. She could feel the buzz, the call to burst out onstage. She never started late, but tonight, tonight, there would be a slight delay because Nico was going to claim a good show kiss from her newest fan.

###

The screaming. It was everywhere. It was insane. And EVERYONE was singing along with Nico, waving lights, hands and banners in the air. And Nico was a shower of meteors, almost literally, lights and energy and sound making her seem like a series of explosions speeding across the stage.

Maki sat on a stool after trying to keep up for awhile when she caught a glance and a wave in her direction from the star of the show. The nosise and bustle was starting to give her a frowning headache; she wanted to have bought earplugs. She caught glimpses of molded foam in the ears of all the staff. Because they were music professionals who wanted to retain as much of their hearing as possible. And Maki was an idiot fangirl in too little clothing to be warm. She pulled her cashmere coat around herself and watched, unable to look away, from Nico executed sharp and perfect breaking moves in summer beachwear. Constant motion and spotlights must keep Nico warm, because there wasn’t enough fabric to.

Maki zoned out, watching Nico in a detached fashion, as she ignored the blur and bustle around her. And then the stage went black, and the audience was still for enough of a heartbeat to startle Maki out of her fugue state, and then when the NICO! chants picked up volume, Nico was suddenly in front of Maki, hands on either of Maki’s knees, curving upward to smack a kiss on Maki’s lips. Maki fumbled backward and one of Nico’s hands reached around her waist.

“AMAZING RIGHT!” Nico was glowing and shouting and Maki was too aware of all the people rushing toward Nico and crowding both of them. Awkwardly, Maki slid off the stool, into a sweaty Nico hug. And Maki was calm for however many seconds that lasted, but then Nico had her hand and was pulling her toward the stage, and her sister, headset on, was covering her mic to yell things at Nico Maki couldn’t understand. At the edge of the stage, Nico turned to Maki, “Encore. Wait here.”  And then the roar as Nico walked out for another song, Maki, realizing she was on the verge of hyperventilating, turned and sprinted to where she thought the exit to the what must be a cooler quieter hallway would be.

###

Maki paced. She had leaned against the wall, eyes closed, already caught up on her messages, made a sad sounding TWIG post, hummed through the Nico songs she could remember, wondered if Dia was sleeping okay and if she’d missed Maki’s usual bedtime story. All of that and Nico was still somewhere else. So Maki was pacing. And then a door banged open and there was a slightly out of breath Nico, oversized neon pink hoodie over white and pink heart leggings.

“There you are. Nico couldn’t find you.” Nico waited for Maki to finish her circuit and return to where Nico stood. 

“Are you done?” Maki grumbled, then winced.

“Nico’s never really done on a concert tour. Perqs of being the boss.” Nico waved her arms, “Everything is Nico’s.”

“Don’t you eat. Or sleep?” This was obviously going to be  more complicated than taking Nico out after the show to the quirky diner Maki had researched

“Yes, Nico eats. We go back to the hotel. Cocoro’s already ordered enough food for three crews.”

“Oh.”

“Did you want to take Nico out?” Nico almost giggled about how cute it was, but the tremble of Maki’s jaw stopped her and she swivelled into enthusiasm, “That sounds perfect. Nico is starved.” “Really?” Maki’s body language looked less defeated.

“Let’s go.” Nico took Maki’s hand, and with the other, pulled her phone out of the hoodie’s kangaroo pocket, “Cocoro? Nico needs the limo now...and make sure everyone is taken care of…” Nico glanced at Maki as she listened to the reply, “I don’t know when I’ll be back. Don’t worry,” Nico winked, “Maki’s taking care of me.”

“I could call a car?” Maki offered. “Nah, Nico’s driver is used to things and doesn’t mind driving around if there’s no parking. And the sound system is crazy good. We can play anything you like, if you’ve had enough Nico.” Maki, with Nico on her arm giving her the complete Nico charisma package, couldn’t keep the huge grin off her face, “Well, I did sit through an entire concert.” “But Nico didn’t sing your favorite song.” “Huh?”

And Nico, grinning devilishly, dropped her voice and “Stuck On You” echoed through the hallway.

###

The third restaurant/bar that had a kitchen that closed early. Maki had growled and stormed out, Nico had smiled, apologized, and tipped the bartender who had delivered the bad news. Then she’d rushed outside before Maki flipped a car or wandered into traffic...Nico stopped, Maki was standing outside the bar, a couple steps down from the door, one arms holding her coat closed, the other holding a phone she might have been shouting at, but she was looking more like crying than car flipping. 

“C’mon.” Nico grabbed Maki’s arm, pulling her toward the car, “We’re going to grab a couple of the coolest pizzas in Philly, take them back to Nico’s suite, and catch up on Nancy Drew.”

“Nancy Drew?” “CW teen horror with a diversity of brave, pretty people, and a conniving lesbian lovely. It’s fun.”

“Horror?” “Spooky mystery. Scarier than Scooby, but not too gory. Nico and Cocoro watch on the road so we can catch up with Cocoro and Cotaro when we get back home. You like pizza right?” Ah, something Maki could grab onto, “Yes, I like pizza.” “Did you pack pajamas?” “No.”

“No?” That made Nico pause.

Maki twirled a curl of hair into a thin twine, “I mean I brought sweats…”

“Uh huh,” Nico held the car door open, “Nico will grab you sweats and a t-shirt from the merch stash. Fresh off the runway. That outfit is super hot, but doesn’t look curl up on the couch with pizza comfy.”

Maki smiled, finally,  as she adjusted the very short skirt for sitting, “It’s really not.”

###

The pizza was square. 

“It’s square.” Maki said, sitting back from the box, sliding farther back into the corner of the sectional, the lights of Philly bright behind her in the floor to ceiling windows.

“It is.” Nico sat solidly center, setting up her laptop.

“And gooey.” Maki pulled a piece out of the pie, examining it quizzically, “Crispy crust, then cheese, then sauce.” 

“Smells amazing.” Nico leaned down the couch to sniff, then snagged a bite. “Nico likes.” “Hey!” Maki pulled the pizza away from Nico while managing to lean toward her, “My slice.” “Sharing is sexy.” Nico stared into amiable amethyst, trying to keep her eyes off the slightly too tight V neck she’d pull for Maki.

Maki raised an eyebrow, “Leaving enough pizza for your date is sexier.” “Hey.” Nico opened the second box to wave under Maki’s nose, “Nico bought two pies, with the selection of their best toppings. Paid cash.”

“Yeah, good pizza in Philly seems to be a cash only deal. It’s weird.” Maki sat back, pizza gone in three bites. 

“Puts more money into pizza, less money into credit card fees.” Nico started on a slice of her own as Maki grabbed one from the second box. “Philly’s got weird vibes, cool weird vibes, though. All the history stuff adds awesomeness.”

“Yeah, I can’t wait to see the Liberty Bell tomorrow. I told Dia I’d bring her back a lot of books.”

“Nico can make some time in the morning..” “Really?”

“Sure.” Nico wasn’t actually sure Cocoro would agree but the thought of Maki bright eyed and eager wandering historical Philly in search of things to take home to Dia was too cutesweet to miss. “It’s right downstairs.”

“So,” Maki swivelled her way out of the corner, now fully leaning on Nico, “What’s this scary teen show you want us to watch?” “Haven’t you ever heard of Nancy Drew, girl detective?” Maki giggled, “Of course, I have, Nico. But you’ll need to catch me up on the plot so far.” Nico decided she’d had enough pizza and dropped her arm around Maki’s shoulders, encouraging closer snuggling, “Nico is the best at catching people up. So, there’s Nancy. And George, who’s running a diner, and then Bess who’s living out of a van, and Ned Nickerson is working out of a garage and he and Nancy have this relationship that she won’t admit is a relationship and…”

Maki put her head on Nico’s shoulder, still managing to keep a constant pizza chew going, “Where’s the scary?”

Nico leaned over to hit play on her laptop, “Oh, you’ll see.”

###

Voices. Maki must be up. Nico smiled at the memory of an adorably exhausted Maki too sleepy to keep her eyes open through more than one and a half episodes of Nancy Drew. Nico let the coziness on the couch linger for the rest of the ep, but then grabbed a pillow and blanket from her bed and tucked in her surprise overnight guest right where she was. Nico wrapped a robe around her camisole and shorts and stepped into the sitting room. Maki was sitting in the solo chair in the far corner, staring out at the Philly skyscape, mug of something on the table next to her, smiling at her phone.

“No, Mama won’t be back for lunch, Dia. We’ll have breakfast tomorrow. I had square pizza for dinner last night. And cold pizza for breakfast.” Maki waved a slice at the camera. “PIZZA!” came the squeal from the phone, “Mama, want pizza.”

Guess it ran in the family, Nico chuckled to herself, probably best to leave Maki and Dia alone, no telling who else was in on the call and waking up in someone else’s hotel room usually required explanation. Nico ducked into the bathroom.

Dia had been fussy last night, missing Maki. Maki hadn’t missed Dia as much as she feared, but gleamed when Dia wanted to video chat over breakfast. 

“We’ll get pizza for dinner tomorrow, bun.” “NOW.” 

Dia seemed more interested in having pizza than having Maki there.

“I’ll talk your grandmother into pizza for you, all right.”

“Pizza.” Dia's volume was a shout, “And Mama.” “I won’t be back until late tonight, Dia. But I’ll have a bunch of presents. I’ll read you a book if you’re awake.” “Book…” Dia’s face lit up, “Bedtime story.” “Bedtime story for Dia, about the Liberty Bell.”

“Ring!”

Maki laughed, “Let me talk to your grandmother.”

###

A knock on the door. Maki must have ordered something. Maki seemed to be saying goodbye so Nico answered it. A hotel staffer stood, black waxed canvas duffle bag and matching garment bag in hand, “Ms. Nishikino had her luggage sent over.” “Oh, thank you.” Nico was still in her bathrobe, so she took a good look at the nametag, “Nico will leave you a tip when she checks out, Terry.” Nico took both bags, surprisingly heavy. She didn’t hear Maki’s voice so she figured it was safe to speak.

“They brought up your luggage.” “Oh thanks.” Maki bounced into the main part of the sitting room, “I’ll take that.”

“Nico needs a tip.” Nico refused to turn over the garment bag when Maki’s hand closed over hers. “Oh…” Maki seemed confused and reached for a pocket but the Nico Ni pink sketch sweatpants had none. 

“Not what Nico meant.” Nico stepped closer, lips pursed, closing her eyes but not before she caught the flaming blush across Maki’s cheeks. A quick, tingling brush across Nico’s cheek and Nico let Maki take the luggage.

“Did you leave Nico any pizza?”

Maki nodded, not making eye contact.

“Maki?” “‘m sorry I feel asleep…” A mutter, then a sigh, “It wasn’t much of a date.”

“Don’t worry about it. Nico had a great time. I was really glad you came to see the concert.” Nico raised a hand to her temple, “It’s a big change from the first night we met on that balcony, Nico Nico Ni. Nico likes this better.”

Maki, eyes suddenly glowing like Nico had stirred up banked embers, stepped in, one hand sliding around Nico to pull her closer, as their lips fumbled into a demi-passionate melding. 

“Me too. You’re amazing.” Maki whispered, still close enough that Nico wanted to bite forward, “I’d love to come to every concert.” Another kiss, even less breath left for talking, Nico pushed a little, “Free tonight?”

And that broke the spell. Maki stepped back, regret pursing her lips into frown lines, “Evening flight. Sorry, Nico.”

Nico slid her hand down Maki’s arm, until their fingers were intertwined, “Can’t blame Nico for trying.” Maki’s grin gleamed, “Are you planning to monopolize my time from now on?” A quickly stolen kiss as Nico said, “Yes.”

“Good.”

“Hey,” Nico, hand still holding Maki’s, pulled her toward the couch, “If you ever want to come back to Philly and stay longer, we can get a crib in this suite. Probably take a week to really find out what Philly’s best square pizza is. I’m sure Dia’d like a vote.”

Giggling, Maki let Nico pull her into an embrace, her head falling back to Nico’s shoulder, “Sounds like fun. Dia’s first plane ride.”

“Do you really want to go sightseeing now?” Nico whispered in Maki’s ear, fingertips playing with the hair at the back of Maki’s neck. “Nico…” there was a shiver in Maki’s voice so Nico’s lips followed the path of her fingertips.

Nico’s hand was now sliding into the V neck of the Nico graffiti portrait shirt, “You can pick up something for Dia on the way to the airport. My driver knows all the best places.”

Maki slid down the couch, forcing Nico’s hand to linger by her ear, “Nico…”

“Yes?” Nico flipped, so that she had Maki pinned down, leaning in, hovering near enough to lick Maki’s lips if she’d moved her tongue at all. And then in a blink, Maki had surged up, her arms around Nico, lips crashing in a completely unguided, stunner of an amorous explosion.

Another “Nico,” more plea than pleasure.

Maybe Maki wouldn’t be making her flight. Or Nico’s concert would go on without the main act. Nico didn’t really care. Time could stop right now. Maki was melting, hair vivid and sexy as she curved sensuously against the pale neutrals of the couch, and Nico, all Nico wanted to hear was how often Maki could moan her name. No audience had ever hit exactly that tone, that grab, that fuel. A new world, just for Nico. Time to explore.

A/N: Howdy.

[back-and-totheleft]

“Make it for the soldiers”

The three-time Oscar winner is back with a new book—Chasing the Light: Writing, Directing, and Surviving Platoon, Midnight Express, Scarface, Salvador, and the Movie Game—and turning its pages is like entering a Stone movie. The one-time infantryman had a single condition in granting HUSTLER this Q&A: “Make it for the soldiers. You’ve got to make it interesting to them.” Movie stars are often household names, but Oliver Stone is one of the few screenwriters and directors to have a high public profile. Now he’s released a new book, and it’s a rip-roaring, rollicking read, full of tense drama and trauma. The 342-page memoir focuses on Stone’s life through the age of 40 and sheds light on what forged Hollywood’s movie maverick and makes him tick.

After the Allies liberated Paris, his father—Colonel Louis Stone, who served on General Eisenhower’s staff—met the Parisian Jacqueline Pauline Cezarine Goddet. In December 1945 they married, which Stone wryly writes was “possibly the greatest mistakes of their lives,” and sailed from France to live in New York, where Louis, a Yale graduate, resumed his Wall Street career as a stockbroker. Stone reveals how their divorce affected him and, for the first time ever, describes in detail his combat experiences in Vietnam, where he was awarded the Bronze Star and a Purple Heart. Coming under fire in Indochina’s jungles ignited an intense mistrust of government and hatred of war that actually compelled Stone to become a filmmaker. As the Chasing the Light subtitle indicates, the book zooms in on four movies and provides a behind-the-scenes peek at Stone’s maneuvering through Tinseltown’s machinations. Stone scored his first Hollywood triumphs as the screenwriter of 1978’s Midnight Express, winning an Oscar and a Golden Globe. Like his script for 1983’s Scarface, Midnight Express lampooned the so-called War on Drugs. This set the stage for Stone to tackle President Reagan’s secret war in Central America with 1986’s hard-hitting Salvador, followed later that same year by his grunt’s-eye view on the Vietnam War, the no-holds-barred Platoon. At the 1987 Academy Awards ceremony, Stone was in the rare enviable position of competing against himself in the Best Writing, Screenplay Written Directly for the Screen category for both Salvador and Platoon. Although he won neither, his boyhood idol Elizabeth Taylor did give Stone the Best Director Oscar for Platoon, which also won for Best Picture. The book’s curtain closes as Stone earns his sublime moment in the limelight, emerging as one of the movie industry’s most celebrated writer-directors of all time. His future body of work—1987’s Wall Street, 1991’s The Doors and JFK through 2016’s Snowden—are only mentioned in passing, if at all. An exception is 1989’s Best Picture-nominated Born on the Fourth of July, for which Stone was awarded his second Best Director Oscar, for helming this searing cinematic biopic about maimed Vietnam War vet Ron Kovic, whose relationship with Stone began during the period his memoir covers. HUSTLER interviewed Stone when he returned to Los Angeles in between trips to Europe to promote his book. In this candid conversation Stone opens up about the Vietnam War, drugs, censorship, Edward Snowden, Larry Flynt, Jackie Kennedy, his new Kennedy assassination film and so much more. HUSTLER: How did Chasing the Light come about? Did you write any of it while sheltering in place? OLIVER STONE: No. I was finishing up in that phase. I wrote it over two years. It was final draft, checking things, draft edits, around February, March… I was working on other things, documentaries and so forth. In your memoir you write about your time in Vietnam. Have you recounted those personal experiences extensively before? No. No, I haven’t. In interviews I’ve shared some of it. But no, this is all fresh material. The movies were dramatic presentations. I talk about Born on the Fourth of July and my relationship with Ron Kovic [the paralyzed Vietnam War vet portrayed by Tom Cruise in the 1989 feature]. And a lot about Platoon. Because both were written in 1976 [the year Kovic’s book was published], which falls in the period I’m covering in Chasing the Light, up to 1986. They play a significant role—the failures of those two films to get made haunted me. You were wounded twice in Vietnam—where you served with distinction as an infantryman, winning a Bronze Star and Purple Heart. So what do you think about President Trump allegedly calling dead soldiers “losers” and “suckers” and stating that military parades should exclude wounded vets? It’s a strange statement. I don’t know if he made it, but it sounds very bizarre. Obviously, I don’t agree with it. On the other hand, I don’t believe we should be over-glorifying our veterans either, because that leads to other sets of problems, which we’ve seen in the spate of recent wars. To prepare for this interview, I watched Scarface again. In your book you mention that you were probably conceived in Europe, your mom was an immigrant from France, and it struck me that Scarface is very much an immigrant’s saga. How do you view the Trump/Stephen Miller immigration and refugee policies? I abhor them. I do believe in immigration—it’s what the American way is about. This country has been built on immigration. Even in this lifetime of mine we’ve had such a new spate of immigration from different countries, Third World, Asia. It’s remarkable. In Scarface we talk about Latin Americans who are coming into Miami, some good, some bad. It’s a rich mix, and that’s what had given America its experimental nature. There’s no fixed America in my mind. It’s 250 years—it’s a constantly changing soup. Scarface, like Midnight Express, is drug-themed. Your memoir is quite candid about your own use of substances. What do you think of the War on Drugs? Who won? [Laughs.] It’s a ludicrous objective. It should not be called a “war.” Listen, I partook of drugs. I’ve been very honest about it. It started for me in Vietnam. I smoked it in the base camps, in the rear, when we came back. I smoked it to relax. I go into the reasons for it. It helped me get through that war as a human being. Very important to me. I respect it. I also talk about drug use later on in my life, like cocaine—which I don’t think worked for me at all, and I said why. So I’m on both sides of it. But I do think it’s an individual issue, of individual responsibility and education. The treatment for it is not punishment but hospitalization or medical help or psychiatric help. The War on Drugs is a waste of money, and again, it’s political. I saw that in Scarface, the birth of the Drug Enforcement [Administration]—very political, huge budgets; it’s growing every year. The Reagan war and all that—they call it a war. Everything in America is a war. But we don’t win any one of them. Have you encountered political censorship in Hollywood for your movies’ dissident politics over the years? You posit that Henry Kissinger and Alexander Haig being on MGM’s board may have affected an early effort to make Platoon. Yes. It’s been a long haul. And I emphasize the word may, because you never know when they turn it down. They never tell you, “It’s because of political reasons that we don’t want to make your film.” They never say that. They couch it in economic terms or, “This is too depressing.” “It’s blah-blah A, B or C.” You never know. In this case, it was a very easy deal for them to make. Dino De Laurentiis was behind it—as my producer he was financing the film. MGM had a distribution deal with Mr. De Laurentiis, and they didn’t live up to it. He was making very risky movies at that time, like Blue Velvet. MGM had to make a minimal investment in distribution costs, and they did not do it. Why? Well, I would assume that the president of MGM at the time, Frank Yablans, said that he had gone to the board and they had turned [Platoon] down, but I’m not sure he’s telling the truth. Because they sometimes don’t even bother to go to the board because they don’t want to take any heat. On the board, of course, were two very conservative men on Vietnam who I’d classify as war hawks. So, I mean, it became a political issue. I do believe that; I have no proof. Also, the Pentagon passed on the film, calling it completely unrealistic. This is an important issue because the movie is realistic. I was there, and I saw it on the ground. I was in four different platoons, in four different units, in three combat platoons. I served in the south and in the north and saw quite a bit of action. And I’m telling you, three things I wrote in the book, about the three lies in Vietnam, I believe apply even today to all fought wars. One is friendly fire. American soldiers get killed by their own side, by small arms fire, artillery and bombs. It’s not precision bombing. About 20 percent of the casualties, wounded and dead, comes from friendly fire. This is a very important point, because it is buried over and over again by the Pentagon in their after-action reports. Recently, the Arizona Cardinals’ Pat Tillman was killed in Afghanistan, and there was a whole mess in trying to get to the reasons for his death. Of course, that was a celebrity-type killing, but this goes on all the time in every war. In Vietnam, in the jungle, you can imagine the asymmetric aspect of it. When fire happens, you don’t even know where the fire is coming from. People are firing—you don’t know if it’s coming in or out. And various things like that are happening all the time. I believe my first wound came about through friendly fire. The second lie I talked about was killing civilians, trashing villages. Racism was really a huge factor in that. We treated the civilians mostly as enemies, as people who were supporting the enemy. [Secretary of Defense] Robert McNamara estimated three to four million Vietnamese killed. The third lie, the biggest one of all: “We’re winning the war.” We heard that lie again and again and again. It was fed to the American people. Even from the beginning, we never had a chance. In Neil Sheehan’s book A Bright Shining Lie, [Lieutenant Colonel] John Paul Vann made it really clear, in 1962 this was a hopeless situation, a hopeless war, because true patriotism was to fight for your country. This was a war, as he said, of independence that was fought against us as colonizers in the wake of the French. Inflating body counts, lying about enemy movements, CIA involvement in the war, no question about it. Misguiding the war. Often bad information, among other things, about the My Lai massacre in March 1968, when 500-plus villagers were killed in cold blood by [U.S.] units who were told that the enemy would be in the village. Not a single enemy bullet was fired in that whole day. And this was investigated by the Army itself, by an honest [lieutenant] general named [William Ray] Peers. He didn’t believe it at first. He thought it was bullshit, that the Seymour Hersh revelations were bullshit. He went in there and investigated thoroughly and came up with the conclusion. That’s what my movie I wanted to make on the My Lai massacre is about. He indicted 20-plus officers all the way up to the top of that division. He indicted the general of that division for his negligence. It’s a disgusting story. But it happens all the time in war and is covered up. Covered up for the dignity of the family, for the dignity of the death and so forth and so on. “How can you criticize the military?” You know, that horrible kind of righteousness, which prevents us from seeing what war is. Although you’re a decorated Vietnam veteran, the Pentagon denied you any support for Platoon—and, I assume, for your other Vietnam War-related movies. Yes, that’s correct. But other directors such as, say, Michael Bay, who never served in the military but who make pro-war, pro-military films, are given permission to shoot at U.S. bases, use of armed services personnel, access to high-tech equipment, etc. What do you make of this double standard? Does it violate the First Amendment? I don’t know about that, but it’s certainly a violation of morality. It’s much bigger than Michael Bay—there’s a book that came out in 2017, National Security Cinema: The Shocking New Evidence of Government Control in Hollywood by Matthew Alford and Tom Secker. James DiEugenio, who works with me, has covered this issue separately in another book, Reclaiming Parkland. These two books cover the involvement of the Pentagon in Hollywood. Alford and his coauthor talk about 800-plus films that were made with Pentagon cooperation. You’d be stunned at some of the films made. Among case studies are Pearl Harbor, Black Hawk Down—which is basically a whitewashing of the affair in Somalia—Charlie Wilson’s War, Hotel Rwanda, the Marvel Cinematic Universe, Rules of Engagement, The Terminator, 13 Days, United 93, Wag the Dog. Talks about people like Tom Clancy, of course a big military supporter, and the CIA too. TV series such as Alias, Homeland and 24—which had a tremendous effect on the American public in glorifying the CIA, making it seem like it was a backstop for our security, which is a lie too. It undermined our security. All this is much bigger than Michael Bay. In Chasing the Light you mention “surveillance” a number of times, and of course you made 2016’s Snowden. On September 2, the U.S. Court of Appeals for the Ninth Circuit ruled that the NSA’s warrantless mass surveillance—which Edward Snowden exposed—was illegal and possibly unconstitutional. What do you think of that, and what should happen to Snowden now? [Laughs.] It’s obviously correct. Snowden should be brought back to the country. I don’t know if he should be pardoned for his wrongs—because he never did anything wrong. He should be pardoned immediately, as should [WikiLeaks’] Julian Assange. The fact is, the NSA has been breaking the law for so many years. We owe it to George Bush and that administration. That was reported on as early as around 2004, but buried by The New York Times until after the election. The Pentagon Papers was released by The Times because they hated Nixon, but I guess with Bush, they gave him a pass. Terrible. It [NSA’s bulk surveillance] has resulted in this sense of unease—you’re always monitored, we have to check our behavior, we’re under control. This is a disaster for the world. Also, other countries have responded accordingly. The World Wide Web is very dangerous. It goes back to the worst days of J. Edgar Hoover. Free speech is a recurring theme in a number of your films. How were you involved in the making of 1996’s The People vs. Larry Flynt? I was a producer. It was written by Larry Karaszewski and Scott Alexander. It was their script. Milos Forman developed it with them. I did feel that Larry Flynt had a case—he won the case [against Reverend Jerry Falwell Sr.]. I’m glad. I’m proud of the movie. After Platoon was released, you quote Jacqueline Kennedy, who wrote you and said, “Your film has changed the direction of a country’s thinking.” Your movies presented a counter-narrative to the Reagan regime’s reactionary agenda. Modesty aside, do you think that Salvador, Platoon and Born on the Fourth of July may have helped stop Reagan and Bush from turning their Contra Wars in Central America into full-fledged Vietnam-like invasions? I don’t believe that they did. What happened was the fortuitous fuckup by the CIA when Eugene Hasenfus was captured after his plane was shot down. He was a contractor—he was in Nicaragua supplying [weapons to the U.S.-backed anti-Sandinista Contras]. It leads to the larger story of Oliver North, Reagan, George Herbert [Walker] Bush and the Iran-Contra affair. That’s what stalled them. Not that it was revealed in its entirety—that’s another story, of course, that’s been buried by The Washington Post’s Katharine Graham, who has been lionized in another kind of movie. But basically that scandal at least was enough to stop the momentum of an invasion, and Reagan did not have the power, the ability, the credibility anymore after October ’86. Which of course helped Platoon too, because it came out right in that juncture, and that revived Salvador, which was rereleased. Both films had an impact, but whether that would have changed the course of Reagan without the accident with the CIA—I don’t think so. Tell us about your new film, JFK: Destiny Betrayed. It’s a four-hour documentary, and it has the facts. More facts than ever. We deal with everything that happened after—in terms of documentation—since [JFK] came out in 1991. Very interesting. Because the assassination records review board, which was created from the JFK film with the JFK [Records] Act—although it was stymied by many restrictions, it did manage to release a fair amount of documents. Not all. And in those documents there’s quite a bit of information, including, of course, Operation Northwoods, that the Pentagon was operating to undercut Cuba. What are some of the highlights you learned since 1991 about the liquidation of President Kennedy? Well, I think you have to wait for the movie. [Laughs.] But certainly the ties of [Lee Harvey] Oswald to the CIA. That’s more explicit. Certainly, the evidence. We revisit the original evidence presented by Mark Lane but with new witnesses; new characters have come forward. Many people [didn’t] talk, but they start talking after the movie in the 1990s…People talk. All these informational signals come from all directions. You explain that your book title, Chasing the Light, refers to a moviemaking term. But does it also allude to your personal quest for enlightenment? And if so, have you attained it yet? Well, I’m much older [now] than when the book ends. But certainly that is an important moment, in 1986. After wanting to achieve a dream of writing and directing since I was 22 and being rejected and defeated many times, having some success along the way, and after having almost given up at 30—finally, at the age of 40, I really had a breakthrough of major proportions, with two solid movies back to back that really convinced the world, as well as myself, that I was a writer-director. It was a core victory for me and an important fact. That sets the tone for the foundation of my character. There’s going to be changes, more detours, pushes and turns in the story, but certainly, it’s established in 1986. So your memoir ends in 1987. That means a lot of your other classics are yet to come. So, in that grand Hollywood tradition, will there be a sequel to Chasing the Light? Well, I hope so. I do hope so. I hope the book does well enough to justify it. What’s next for you? I have two documentaries. One is the JFK documentary, four hours long, that won’t be out for a year. Another one is unedited, about the future, the need for clean energy, which includes nuclear energy. It’s based on a book I bought called A Bright Future: How Some Countries Have Solved Climate Change and the Rest Can Follow, by Joshua Goldstein and a Swedish scientist, Staffan A. Qvist. I understand you’re traveling these days. I’m about to promote the book in Paris. I just came back from Italy, France and Germany… It was big in Italy—they loved me. [Laughs.] Much better than in the United States.

-Ed Rampell, Hustler, Jan 16 2021

[eve-mega-theory]

My theory on Eve’s MVs, from Sister to Raison D’etre

People have asked, and since no one else has yet (and since I’ve always wanted to do it), I’ve went and put together a theory that connects all of Eve’s MVs into a single large narrative about the cycle of depression. Since I go over every song in-depth, and each song is filled with detail and complexity, it’s long. I actually had to skip over a lot of little details making this, because if I did the length would just get out of hand. Also keep in mind that I’m not assuming my theory to be the “one true meaning.” I just took a lot of personal meaning from this series, and its portrayal of depression and how to overcome it has helped me immensely. I want to do these videos, which are clearly labors of love, some justice.

*I’m going to put time stamps for the other songs to make things easier to follow. It's not required, but I recommend that you rewatch the previous songs as you read.

**Each of the early videos have a dominant color to them, which is often used in later MVs to subtly reference them, which I’ve listed next to the title.

Sister (Red):

The first Eve MV released was Demon Dance Tokyo, but I believe the 1st, and arguably most important video in the timeline is Sister. The MC suffers from severe depression throughout the series, and this is where it originated from. His sister died in an accident while he was young, and he was overcome with guilt that he was so distant from her while she was alive. He felt like this happened because he was rotten to the core, with him declaring that even if he went back in time, he still would've made the same mistakes, because that's just the kind of person he is. He ends up repressing those memories to deal with the guilt, and he becomes distant from people. The video's expressed entirely through notebook paper and paper mache because as a child, the MC was fond of drawing and sketching, and used this to cope with these difficult times and express himself.

Chocolate Town (Brown):

This song’s pretty easy to miss, as it’s under the account of the artist “Sou,” who did many collaborations with Eve in the past. It’s sung by Sou, but written by Eve, and it shares too many similarities with his city-scape series to be ignored. It fits perfectly in between “Sister” and “Demon Dance Tokyo.” There’s a large time skip between the two songs, in which the MC goes from grief-stricken child to selfish teenager, and this song fills in that gap, making for a more seamless transition. His appearance here is more similar to that of “Sister” (0:15), as he tries to live the way he used to. The world is no longer a rose-tinted explosion of color, but a uniform chocolate brown, more sickening and suffocating than sweet (0:51). He doesn’t experience new things anymore, he just stays in his comfort zone and drowns himself in the things he knows, as he’s locked in place by a vague apprehension that eats away at him (0:21). He’s suppressed the memory of his sister, but the guilt remains. That guilt leaves him unable to connect with people the way he used to, out of fear of hurting or being hurt. The ‘book of spells’ from Nonsense Literature is referenced, as the MC keeps the deeper parts of his heart locked away (1:30). As he grows distant, his friends do the same (“Mason does seem quite superstitious,” which you could take to mean the MC’s real name is Mason) [0:32].  He tries to just ignore it and go with the flow (0:36), but it’s not enough. The tries to drown himself in desire to ignore the pain he’s feeling (1:10). Deep down he knows it’s wrong, but the guilt he feels keeps him trapped (1:15). 

In the second half of the song, it’s revealed that after Ano Ko Secret, the MC successfully worked up the courage to talk to the blue haired girl, and a friendship formed (2:00). As shown in later MVs, the two would play on the playground together, and we see here that even during this difficult time, the MC felt complete when he was with her. Even so, here she’s obscured in chocolate, showing that the MC is unable to see outside his own problems. Because of his selfishness, he’s unable to connect and they grow apart (2:08). Losing her hurts him, as he lost the only real friend he had left, so all that’s left to him is his suffocating city of chocolate (2:30). He tries to just keep enjoying his little comforts and joys (2:45), but it’s not enough as his “heart is destitute” (3:08). His pain and guilt continues to eat away at him from the inside. Being alone isn’t enough for him, and he won’t let himself truly connect with other people. Combine that with his focus on simple pleasures, and it’s no surprise that he turns to being on top of the ‘social heirarchy’ as a teenager in “Demon Dance Tokyo.” 

Demon Dance Tokyo (Green):

This song depicts 3 people touring around Tokyo, dressed in the finest clothes and dining on the finest food. In actuality, this city is in the MC's head, and is a metaphorical manifestation of his psyche. That's the style and layout of this series, they all take place in the MC's head, and almost all are in a city that changes from song to song to reflect his mental state. In this case, he sees this touristy, trendy world because he's like a desperate tourist, trying to run away from his problems by flying off somewhere else and drowning in the superficial; food, parties, clothes, women, etc. Since he repressed his guilt over his sister's death, this is how he chases happiness; by running away from that guilt and chasing materialistic fulfillment. Relationships to him are the same way. He just chases after people who look trendy and beautiful to him, and puts on a fake mask to appear cool. That greed is personified by his crocodile form dining on the women and the massive Godzilla towering over the city. He wants to be above everyone. At 2:40 of that song, his undercurrent of loneliness takes over, as it often does, because those kinds of relationships never last. At 2:57, that loneliness overcomes him, making him desperate. He's still selfish and bad at relationships, but he swears to one girl that he'll be her everything on matter what. This leads into the next song....

Nonsense Literature (Black):

This is where things really get bad for the MC. Out of desperate loneliness, he tries to get into a serious relationship with this girl (maybe one of the girls from the last song), but he doesn’t really know how to connect with people anymore, putting thick mental walls between them. Despite regularly meeting with the girl, he doesn't really know her at all,which is why she has a cone on her head throughout the video. As a result, their relationship is no more than "becoming idiots, dancing on air," so it doesn't take long for them to start fighting and disagreeing, at 1:16. Since he refuses to open up to her, he starts to feel trapped and bitter around her, becoming paranoid at 1:29, and eventually believing she's taking advantage of him and lying to him, that she doesn't understand him at all, that he doesn't even understand himself, that he might be going a bit crazy, but they keep hanging out, during 1:42. At 2:00, he can't take it anymore. "I lost my composure when you laughed at me in scorn;" either he was genuinely betrayed by her or he just misunderstood. Either way, that betrayal severely damages him, and depression takes over hard. While you see many tiny dancing demons throughout these MVs, the main face of his depression is the mysterious cloaked One-Eyed Man. He essentially acts as the devil on his shoulder, feeding him all the worst ideas, telling him to protect only himself, morality be damned, and believing that he's doing it for his sake, that he's protecting him. In this case, he uses this moment of weakness after his betrayal to take control of the MC. He rips his guts out, opens up his head, and stuffs it with books. It’s the same as whispering into his ear "you don't need people, they'll only hurt you. You don’t need this world, it will only hurt you. I’m all you need. Use this sharpened blade of words to ensure no one will ever do this to you again." The MC, smiling, gratefully accepts. He cuts ties with that girl, as well as the rest of the world. He's become a monster: safe, but empty.

Dramaturgy (Light Blue):

This one is basically "depression the song." This time the world is like a stage play, with the MC being an actor. After shutting himself out from the world, he's lonelier than ever before, his self esteem skyrocketed down, and his life has come to a screeching halt. He no longer even feels human. Every day is a struggle just to keep on living. By making the whole world into the enemy, he's incapable of revealing any of himself to them, disassociating to the point that he might as well be just an actor wearing a mask. He's trapped even within the safety of his own mind. If you act only how everyone wants you to act all the time, eventually you feel like there are actual physical walls all around you. It's exhausting to keep up, and you start to forget who you are. He’s also developed an inferiority complex, and a fear of other people. He just doesn’t want to be betrayed again. At 2:13, he wants to reach a climax where he breaks out of these walls around him, but he can't do it, because he NEEDS them, they’re there to protect him. The One-Eyed Man makes sure he never forgets this. At 3:28, we get a kaleidoscope zoom-in to the MC's psyche, which stops at a floating white cube. These cubes contain him at his deepest level, his fundamental perception of himself. His hopelessness, and the One-Eyed Man's words have reached to his very core and torn him apart at the deepest level. At 3:48, he's lost himself. He likely becomes a shut-in at this point as well, only doing the most basic necessities and heading straight to his room when he gets the chance.

As You Like It (Yellow):

You might’ve noticed that although yellow’s the most prevalent, this MV has plenty more color to offer. It's probably the most colorful so far even. Not only that, the pacing's way faster, the music more upbeat. Why would this come immediately after the most depressing and hopeless song yet? That's because this song is in the MC's imagination, like a daydream. While he's lost almost all hope, trapped in his own head and unable to move forward, he's still able to cling to hope by escaping reality into this fantasy. In this escapist world, he's cooler, a popular musical artist, singing his heart out to a big crowd. And he's able to conquer his fears, deal with his stresses, and connect with a girl the way he wishes he could. After all, while he doesn’t let himself connect with others out of fear, whether he realizes it or not,he just wants to be loved and understood. So he makes up this ideal fantasy girl with perfect fashion taste (0:03), who can do that for him. In the song, he represses his true self in the form of the Glove-Mask Man so that he can deal with life’s stresses (which hit him one after the other at 0:35, and are symbolized by the rocket taking off at 0:22), and he disassociates, literally splitting into two people. He starts to struggle against him (1:33) so that his honest self can reach her, and he finally pulls it off at the end, her responding with a wholehearted smile (3:26). A perfect conclusion. Thing is, his ideal girl is a reflection of reality as well. The playground at 0:28, where he wishes he could go back to his childhood memories, partly shows that he’s letting his past drag him down, but he also describes talking with this girl in memories of old, because he had a real-life friend when he was young that he would talk with at a similar playground. She is his goal in these dreams, because he never forgot those times they had together, and he has subconsciously idealized her as a result. On a sadder note, this fantasy also confirms that he’s become a shut-in in reality, as we see him lock himself away in his room (1:02). That’s what he wishes he could escape from. Regardless of the truth behind the scenes, this dream of his gives him hope that he’ll get through this difficult time.

Outsider:

Now we leave the escapism and return to the MC’s mind he’s trapped in. All the past colors come into play here, as we see that the only color in his world comes from these past scars and experiences. He can’t see anything else, he’s painted by them. The test tubes everywhere (0:59) show that he's genuinely trying to deal with his pain by organizing and compartmentalizing it, and by grasping onto hope with his fantasy, he's able to get by. But he's not at all perfect at it, with his little demon-monsters knocking over test-tubes and purposely painting each other. The pipes everywhere all lead to his brain, with each of them pumping these experiences and memories into him. It’s like they’re in his blood stream, a part of him. These pipes also nourish past monsters, like the Godzilla monster depicting his narcissism. He’s come to hate these less desirable parts of himself, so at 1:30 he tries to just break the tubes to sever that part of him, but that just breaks the overall flow, flooding his brain with black, bringing him back to square one. You can’t just get angry at yourself and remove all your flaws. It takes immense time and dedication. This accidental overflow causes some of the monsters to transform into even worse forms. At 3:02 he's sitting next to an especially nasty-looking demon, shaded black and red. This demon is a reminder that his refusal to confront his guilt toward his sister is at the heart of all of this. He keeps struggling with himself, hating himself, and he won’t tackle the fundamental problems. But at least he’s fighting. The last lyric "because this tiny bit of courage will ignite the fire in my heart," shows that just by being aware of the struggle, he's trying to change and improve, he's not giving up.

Tokyo Ghetto:

This song takes place after a lot of time has passed. His cityscape is more dilapidated and volatile. Now, instead of the One-Eyed Man, the prime demon in control is the blue robot with the teeth mask. The robot symbolizes anxiety, a primal, damn near uncontrollable feeling which desires to keep him here by any means. He’s always watching, and he’s not afraid to get physical against the MC when push comes to shove. The shady-looking people in the town are extensions of that anxiety, individual worries and fears. This is why the town is more colorful, yet somehow more harsh and uninviting. All this time has allowed the anxiety to get in his head, to drive his imagination wild and fill his heart with more and more worries. He wants to believe these worries are on his side, but they just want the easiest path(1:41), they don’t give a damn about his wishes. The MC makes meager attempts to escape from the hell of his own mind, always being swiftly pulled back into a never-ending cycle (0:40). After a long while of this, he meets a girl who he sees much of himself in, and he reaches out to someone for the first time in a long while, in the hopes of maybe being saved by her (1:02). Problem is, she acts the same way he used to back in Tokyo Dance, and he winds up getting a taste of his own medicine. Every time he tries to get close to her, she just pushes him away. Like him, she’s actually hiding pain from the past too; she just refuses to show it (2:01, “it was sentimental, though it wasn’t like you at all) . At 2:40, we get a full glimpse into her mind. Many pairs of her shoes are bound together all around her, symbolizing that day after day she ties herself down, and the holy statue behind her symbolizes her holier-than-thou attitude. At 2:55, she happily bites into one of those shoes, drawing her own blood. She hasn’t yet learned that her self-destructive lifestyle isn’t the right way to go. At 2:59, we see their two psyches summed up perfectly. The girl, shrouded in darkness, putting up a cool front and slowly losing herself, standing confidently all the while. The MC, aware that he’s in a bad place, but desperately groveling, searching for any kind of escape at all. Without being able to find solace in the girl, shadows grow, the town floods, monsters come out of the sewers, the Blue Robot gathers his power (2:55). The MC’s anxiety is bubbling up as his desperation to find an escape increases. He’s pinned down by the water (symbolizing stress and struggle to change), and with the girl out of his reach, merely electing to watch him crumble, the Blue Robot is free to strike with all his might, revealing his true, monstrous form (3:48). The MC, in his weakened state, is torn to bits, reduced to trash (4:01). He’s back to square one, and the cycle begins again. He remains trapped in the Tokyo Ghetto.

Ambivalent:

After being trapped in that cycle for so long, the MC decides that he needs to do some serious soul searching. He looks deep into his subconscious, deeper than any song that’s come before. He peers all the way into his basic, fundamental outlook on life, to try to get to the heart of the problem. Keep in mind that he’s not trying to commit to any real action; he’s just introspecting, trying to take a look at his core values. This world is split in two sectors: the safe pink room, where his heart and memories lie, and the planet, which symbolizes change and reality, or rather his perception of it. He’s been resting in the pink room, stagnant, for so long that everything is overgrown, and his heart is weak, without motivation. Even resting is exhausting for him, something he’s only able to do thanks to his yellow wheelchair representing his hopes (As You Like It). The MC wants to understand why he can’t venture out onto that planet. Every time he tries, it’s a labyrinth of endless signs all telling him to stop and turn back. The plants themselves attack and hurt him. It’s a volatile world full of unknowns and hostiles. The source of this hostility is the disagreement between him and the cat, who's with him at all times here (1:26). Believe it or not, this cat is the One-Eyed Man’s true form. He doesn’t appear mysterious or “all-seeing” because the MC is self-aware of the One-Eyed Man’s influence, and he’s just thinking in the safety of his room; the One-Eyed Man has no power without perceived danger. He’s a cat because he represents the primal part of us from long before humanity developed complicated cognitive ability and intelligence. He only cares about the MC's safety and desires, and doesn’t give a damn about anything or anyone else. He was always watching, acting as the hidden voice behind every decision. When the MC wanted to run away from the pain of his sister's death (Sister), he helped him. When the MC desired safety from the world above all else (Nonsense Literature), he granted it to him. When he struggled with depression (Dramaturgy), deep down that desire never actually left. When that desire became the core of his being, the cat even created the Blue Robot as a sort of "hired muscle" to keep the MC in check for his own good. Despite the awfulness of the One-Eyed Man's actions, he’s just granting the MC's wishes. He genuinely cares about the MC and wants what’s best for him; that’s why he’s so cute and small. But the MC has been blaming him for all of his problems, without understanding his own responsibility in the matter, leaving them at an impasse (1:26). They both come to understand their disagreement with the words: “when I was a kid, I picture myself as a main protagonist in this world. I started to get embarrassed so I turned my eyes away.” (1:36). He's finally come to accept and understand his share of the blame, rather than just blaming the cat. His hair being green here could also show that he never truly grew past his selfishness after all this time. He begins to recall all the things he’s taken for granted and ignored in his life, and he realizes he wants to protect them (1:48). He doesn’t want to just be selfish, he wants to live for their sakes and be useful to them. Now that they’re talking on even terms, the cat can understand his desire for selflessness and gives him a match. They've agreed to stop letting memories of fear and pain that have long since passed guide their every move, so they burn them away (2:00). Those times won’t disappear, but it doesn’t mean they can’t move beyond them. The cat now realizes he was being overprotective, and that the MC can make his own decisions, so he decides to try and get out of his way (2:15). The MC's world is no longer centered around his own desire; he can see the 'bigger picture' (2:24). But while the cat is taking a more reserved role in his life, he didn't completely disappear (2:55). After all, desire is what gives our lives meaning. The difference is that the two are now a pair bringing out the best in one another, a balanced mix of selflessness and desire. Now that they’re in agreement, a world of possibilities is open to them, and the MC is ready to reach out and grab them, and begin his life again (3:01).

Last Dance:

The MC has now returned to the outer layers of his mind, and he wants to turn his newfound paradigm shift into action. Due to this shift, the city’s layout has gotten more realistic, lively, elegant, and inviting, far closer to the real world. He and his demons are hiding from it all at the center of his mind, a small, comfy room resting above a black center (2:32). This is to show that the MC is aware that the real world wasn't the problem; his own outlook was. His nails are being painted red by a demon to show how long he’s been letting these memories paint him without fighting back (0:22). He doesn’t blame them though, he understands himself and how this all came to be, so he gives one of his demons a hug (0:25). The room is more organized and homey to reflect his understanding. But he sees how small his world has been, and he wants to try and get out. He’s decided what he wants to do, but still easily comes apart when trying to move (0:37). He's put back together, revived by the support of the One-Eyed Man, who's lost his overbearing, omnipresent appearance, and learned to keep his dark side more under control (0:41). It's possible he's even taken on 3 different forms simultaneously, to reflect how both he and the MC now understand his multifaceted nature (0:47, 1:00, and 1:03). So the MC is spiritually strong, but he still unravels in the face of anxiety. At 0:33, he says “with different values, that guy who I hate put on a ridiculous sneer," referring to the Blue Robot, his main enemy. Even though the One-Eyed Man created the Blue Robot, it was never in his control. Anxiety doesn't think for itself; it's a raw, unfiltered emotion that carries out its objective long after its needed. The MC can't beat it alone, even with the One-Eyed Man's help. He realizes he absolutely needs the support of others if he’s going to move forward, and he needs a goal to get him moving in the short-term. He recalls the thing that’s given him hope for all this time, the person who was at the center of all his hopes for tomorrow, and the person he wants to protect most (1:52). It was a girl who spent time with him back when his sister first died. He was in a dark place and full of guilt, and that girl’s kindness gave him hope. But he drifted apart from her due to feeling guilty that he didn’t deserve to be around someone like her, that he would only get in her way. But he always idealized her, and those memories kept him going long after they stopped meeting. The elegant woman dancing is his perception of that memory (1:52). She’s also the girl from As You Like It, but that version of her was only a fantasy he himself didn’t even realize was based on her. She’s here because he only now consciously realized this, and he wants to reach out to her again and start over, without being selfish or afraid. Now fully motivated, he vows to be like “the melancholic patients who chose tomorrow,” and venture out into the world in spite of fear (2:12). He’s taking a leap of faith, venturing on a thin balance beam along with all his demons (3:02-3:32). Obviously they won’t really leave, since they’re a part of his psyche now. He has to understand and accept them, thereby rendering them harmless, or at least manageable. He reaches the girl (3:36), but before this point, he realized something about her. Notice that her hair is painted a light blue, the color of Dramaturgy? This means that throughout the song, upon examining his memories of her more closely, he realizes that she wasn’t as perfect as he was choosing to remember her. In reality, she was suffering too, and the reason they drifted apart so easily was because they both felt undeserving of each other. Deep down a part of him always knew, but when he gets a taste of the blue paint, (2:14) it's the first time he consciously considers the idea. When she tears off her hair and he gently caresses it, he accepts that her pain was real (3:15). He's finally taken the physical journey out of his mind, and he gives her a gentle, honest smile; a far cry from his actions in Demon Dance Tokyo (3:35). At 3:58, the One-Eyed Man gives the MC a book from Nonsense Literature, this time as an honest offering. The One-Eyed Man will help him through this new chapter as a partner, rather than a controlling force.

We’re Still Underground (Orange):

Now it’s time for the grand finale, We’re Still Underground, in which everything finally comes together in the most stunning video so far. This video marks the first time the MC has ever accepted the real physical world in the entire series. After Last Dance, he’s finally venturing outside of his room and moving forward again. As a result, this video is the real world mixed together with his mind. It’s almost like a fantasy world, filled with weird and unknown things. After all, in Last Dance he said “I will not understand everything right now,” but he’s still going to move forward. The camera shows reality, then pans down to the MC’s perception of things. His mind is now jaw-droppingly beautiful and full of color and life. The crows from Tokyo Ghetto are now beautiful pink birds, and big flying ‘monsters’ personify his newfound hope and optimism (0:14). The world is filled with vegetation and vines, similar to the blue planet from Ambivalent. Again, this is all new and uncertain to him, so it’s covered with the same vegetation. At 0:20, we see that much of the city is flooded, calling back to the water from Tokyo Ghetto. He’s moving forward, but much of the world is closed off to him due to that stress and worry. At 0:28, cloth being hung like laundry symbolizes how the MC is more collected and calm than before. We zoom into the house he’s spent so much time in, and it’s dark, overcrowded, and filled with masks symbolizing his mental journey (0:35). As an added bonus, his hair is orange, which is the color we’d often see in Outsider when all the colors were mixed together. He finally ventures out to fulfill a basic task, buying from a gas station, but even that proves to be a little too much. The people around him are shifty looking like in Tokyo Ghetto, and eventually a big octopus busts in and forces him to leave and settle for a vending machine (0:40). Both in the gas station and vending machine, you see the eye from the One-Eyed Man marking various items and signs, symbolizing that he’s using desire for the end goal and new things drive him forward (0:41, 0:43, and 0:46). The lyrics here are him wondering if he’s good enough for the girl he’s going to try and meet again, and deciding that if she’s hurting so much, then he needs to help her through it. Meanwhile, we finally learn who this girl he looks up to actually is. She looks very different from any version the MC had in his mind, dressing quite plain and modest, and having both blue hair and blue eyes, perhaps to symbolize her Dramaturgy-type depression. We learn that that song sums her up pretty well, but her depression still takes a somewhat different form from the MC. She’s not afraid to go out, but the life she’s living is completely dictated by other people. She’s afraid to do anything for herself. This is why she receives texts from the One-Eyed Man, and her world looks so realistic, dark, and rainy. She believes this is the only possible road for her, that THIS is reality. She’s like the opposite of the MC; she’s TOO selfless, and her One-Eyed Man, her desires, have taken on the form of everyone around her, as it believes that’s the safest route for her. She herself is empty. At 0:53, the playground is fenced off; no playtime allowed, your childhood doesn’t matter, your memories don’t matter, those times you played with the MC as kids (As You Like It) don’t matter. At 0:54, she sits in her house, dejected, the zombie poster behind her a good description for her mental state, and there’s a constant hue of water all around her. She always feels like she’s drowning, anxious that something about this isn’t right, that she’s about to lose herself. Meanwhile, MC is biking over to meet her (0:59), but they both end up falling into water (1:06), drowning in anxiety right at the moment before they both meet. Once they meet, they each see an answer in each other, a person to rely on in this difficult stage of their life. The two of them are then seen running toward a sort of junkyard of gold (1:26). Now that they see hope in one another, they are able to catch a glimpse of all the good things in life that they had taken for granted, ignored, treated as trash. Upon seeing it, they decide they want to move forward, and bite into an apple, symbolizing rebirth like Adam and Eve. They’re accepting this new chapter, and all the sin and desire and change that comes with it. For a moment, at 1:40, the girl sees the world the way MC does, with the beautiful monsters and rising bubbles everywhere. She’s inspired by his hope, and realizes she’s “still underground;” something needs to change.

At 1:44, the camera pans underground to show us a web of complex piping and overgrowth. It’s meant to call back to Outsider, and I think to show that while he’s moving on and changing, he still has an undercurrent of guilt with him. At 1:49, we see the girl surrounded by posters of people. They all have one eye; she doesn’t just feel oppressed and subservient to her loved ones, she also feels like she must be obedient to society’s whims as well. The lyrics here are calling back to everything that the MC went through in the past, especially Tokyo Ghetto at 1:55, where he remembers that giving up made him feel at ease, and that he feels helpless because of it. But his hopes and dreams (2:06) kept him believing in tomorrow. We see more shots of the duality between the two of them. At 2:15 we see the girl skateboarding on a bright green skateboard, rather out of place and spontaneous, hinting that she’s playing at embracing her individuality and optimism again. (Also, at 2:20 we see a poster of an apple with the One-Eye on it. This could further imply that rebirth and upheaval are what she truly desires deep down). The line at 2:22 “I’m not saying this as a joke, but everyone mocked me,” could imply that either his selfish, fake self of old would never be listened to by others, or that the demon residents of his mind aren’t going to help him (again calling back to Tokyo Ghetto). At 2:21, both characters’ strong desires for change finally manifest in a Matrix-style “red pill, blue pill” choice. They now have to take a true leap of faith, and accept that their lives are going to change irreversibly from this point on. We don’t see them choose, but the line “It’s goodbye to this town,” speaks for itself. At 2:26, we get a badass shot of the pair as two halves of the same whole, perfectly in agreement on what must be done. They’ll support each other through what happens next. At 2:28 we see a massive protest from the less agreeable parts of his mind, likely people from Tokyo Ghetto and on the far left the glove man from As You Like It. The billboards say “No,” and “Give Up,” and some have the One-Eye on them, perhaps a plea for the One-Eyed Man to return to their side. At 2:31, the MC and girl are seen spraying graffiti in direct rebellion to everyone, perhaps a last burst of courage before making the big choice. At 2:35 we see the MC abandon his bike in a carnival, perhaps a last goodbye to his naive childhood and an acceptance of adulthood. At 2:36 we see the girl with an umbrella in the rain, which is meant to further connect her to As You Like It. At 2:45, the pair has made their choice, and the town begins its massive upheaval. At 2:51, the two are back in the playground they used to play at, swinging way up in a leap of faith, looking toward the skies. At 3:00, “there will be no rerun,” this is the moment. At 3:08, he vows not to avert his eyes anymore, to accept whatever life throws at him without running away. At 3:13, the pair move up toward the future, toward the skies. The line at 3:18 is extremely important, as the MC directly calls back to when the two were young at the playground. He remembers how the guilt they both felt kept them from relying on one another, and while he treasures the friendship they had, he wants to make sure they never grow apart like that again. 3:23 is them coming to fully understand where they went wrong at that playground, and where they went wrong after they drifted apart. The MC’s mind is filled with symbolism; books from Nonsense Literature, birds for his greed and overactive mind, board game pieces for his attempts to distract himself and shun other people, every-day appliances for his focus on basic survival rather than true living, the list goes on. The girl, however, is completely empty, just an empty husk with no will of her own. They vow that while they’ll always be imperfect, they never want to return to this state of being. They cast aside these fake, improper forms they’ve made for themselves. At 3:36, we get to see VCR tape footage, a clear sign that this is in the past, showing sketches the two shared at that playground as kids. This calls directly back to Sister’s paper notebook style. Sketching was how the MC expressed himself as a kid, so it was deeply personal for him, and it looks like for the girl too. The images of a monster boy and a magical girl with horns come across as cries for help and a desire to escape, but neither of them realized the other’s suffering. This was where it all began, at a time where neither of them really understood what was happening to them; they were just kids. The VCR tape then shuts off, we see flashes of the town, and a messy drawing of the MC saying “goodbye.” He’s finally made peace with himself, he accepts the mistakes he made, he’s saying goodbye to that naive child that was behind every decision of his, and moving on. At 3:51, the two are played in reverse, undoing the damage they’ve been causing to themselves. This is a goodbye to their self-destructive tendencies. The line “wait for the 1, 2 signal,” directly calls back to As You Like It, and how once they get the ball rolling, things are going to happen really damn fast, and they need to be ready for it. 4:03 is the epic climax, where the Blue Robot, anxiety, once again appears in a last-ditch effort to stop the two. He’s not in control anymore, and he knows this, so he reveals his true form: a massive, feral, insane, uncontrolled mess of fear that wrecks havoc all across the city, almost like it’s willing to destroy the whole thing if it has to. The two are prepared, and together they run with everything they’ve got. At 4:14, we see masses of planes dropping hellfire on the beast in an attempt to quell it. Perhaps this is the One-Eyed Man, dropping in one last bit of support for the two. Maybe it’s a show that the pair now has more control over their minds, and are finally able to fight back against the entities that used to control them. Whichever it is, it’s enough to save them, and at 4:21 the sun rises, the two safe and sound overlooking the now destroyed city. At 4:23, the cube from Dramaturgy, their core, is perfectly fine, showing that they’ll get through this massive upheaval intact. At 4:25, we see that amidst the destruction, a massive tree has sprouted up, symbolizing rebirth. Perhaps this tree was able to sprout up from the piping underneath, meaning that the two making peace with themselves allowed their pasts to finally stop clogging up their brains. Finally, the video rewinds to before their upheaval, and we see the MC’s room, this time in the real world, no strings attached. We’ve finally been shown the real life setting for the vast majority of the MVs. Not long after, the MC pukes up darkness, which is a little nod to the fact that while the world itself wasn’t technically real, the pain and struggle he was going through certainly was.

This World To You:

This song is like the epilogue of the MC’s journey. He’s overcome his inner cycle which has kept him trapped for all this time, learned to empathize and think things through (2:07), and he’s now able to confront the feelings that were at the core of this struggle all along: his guilt toward his sister. During a beautiful purple sunset, he’s bicycling through the vivid new world open to him, grieving for her and accepting that “her tomorrow’s never coming” (0:48). This acceptance hurts him (0:31), and at first it even feels like he’d rather things just remain the way they are, (0:37) but it’s the only way he can learn from his mistakes and become someone she’d be proud of. He thinks from the newly found perspective he has, and seeing things more objectively, more selflessly, he wonders how similar her life was to his (1:11). He’s seeing his sister not as a vague, hazy image built up in his head made up of his worries, anxieties, and guilt, but as a normal person, with their own worries, feelings, problems, and dreams. By empathizing with his sister, coming to terms with the improper image of her he built up in his head, he’s able to move on, and empathize with other people in a similar way. By doing this, he no longer has reason to be afraid of the world out there, and he can start to reach other people’s hearts, learning from the mistakes he made in the past. Instead of wallowing in remorse over his sister, he can be someone she’d be proud of, and help other people who are hurting in the way he couldn’t with her. This spurs him on, and although the fact that she died so early is a fact he’ll always carry with him (1:52), he’s found a hope for tomorrow he’s needed all his life (2:14). However, he also accepts that death and pain is always a possibility (2:20), and that things won’t always go his way. But instead of fall into despair, he’s able to believe that things will get better, and that he has the power to make them better, reflected in the beautiful vista filled with sea creatures swimming in the sky (2:38). The creature at 2:39 is elegant, beautiful, a sight to behold, vividly painted by all sorts of colors, a callback to Underground. Its face also looks similar to the girl he’s managed to reach, symbolizing that reaching her is one of the cores of his hope. Throughout the video, we see the city to change to reflect the MC’s stream of consciousness. At (0:02), the MC is recovering from the wreckage after the mental battle in Underground, and he’s dealing with the grief of his sister, and as he comes to terms with it, the buildings gradually get cleaner and more structured, eventually colored with lights of his empathy and understanding. At (1:51), he continues to change toward hope and acceptance, and he moves toward an industrial zone, reflecting how the city is moving forward, springing back from this change stronger than ever, rebuilding and even adding new zones and structure. At (2:12), we see the sign “think it through,” as a reminder that the one-eyed man, once a force he saw as evil, is now a friend, working with him to overcome his anxieties and fears. The signs throughout the city spatter negativity like “arrogant” and “pathetic” and “regret,” but are now mixed in with “hope” and “future” and “I would put a flag here.” Then at (2:37), his hope is stronger than ever.  Then finally, the MC’s empathy and selflessness is made manifest in a way it never has been before. At  (3:01), the MC’s city seamlessly transitions into the perspective of the girl, and at (3:20) it beautifully changes into the girl’s more realistic view of the city. By empathizing with and reaching her, part of her perspective has now become his, as he’s able to learn from her and see things more objectively. He’s come to terms with his guilt, and allowed himself to truly connect with someone. By doing this, the world has opened up to him, and he’s finally able to become a part of society. He has made it.

Baumkuchen End:

At this point the MC has managed to enter society and step into the real world without running away (0:09 and 0:16). Rather than monsters of anxiety and fear, everyone he sees are normal people just like him. However, things aren’t going quite how he thought they would. He’s not afraid anymore (0:46), but he feels surprisingly empty. The world is a little less vivid than Underground, and the MC’s hair has been colored white, blank and aimless. He’s realized that things are more complicated than he expected. He went through so much to overcome his mental hangups, and now that he’s succeeded, life is still going forward. He’s struggled with that mental cycle (symbolized by the orange and blue swirl at 0:57) for so long, that he’s having a hard time seeing past it, and he feels unsure what to do with himself now that the cycle which defined him for so long is gone (0:45, “there’s nothing left to do”). In Tokyo Ghetto, the reason he couldn’t escape from himself was that deep down, he didn’t really want to leave. Part of him wants to go back to that time where things made sense, and he could comfortably wallow in hopelessness and self-pity (0:30). It’s like he hoped that once he reached this point, the credits would roll and everyone would live happily ever after (0:34, “there seems to be no ‘critical hit,’” and 0:37, “I was expecting an answer,” and we see the MC’s many paths disappear in front of him, leaving a blank wall of vague white). Not only that, but the MC is having a harder time with empathy than he expected. He wants to see beyond himself, but his own limitations are getting in the way of that. His ego has swelled somewhat after his victory (0:41), against his better judgment. Whether he likes it or not, he’s not an omniscient being that can just teleport into other people’s perspectives and points of view; he’s a human being, with their own emotions and biases and egos, and he can only see other people through the cage of his own skin. At 0:24, he vents over this struggle, lamenting “it’s all about me,” feeling both “disgusted and separated.” He hates these limitations and how he’s growing apart from the girl he reached out to. He’s afraid of getting trapped in a never-changing rut in which he can’t reach anyone, never changes, and slowly loses himself again (symbolized by the optical illusion triangle surrounded by orange inside the MC. It’s a cycle, always moving further inward, never changing.) However, things are far from hopeless. The MC isn’t the kind to give up anymore. He’s grown, and he’s more self-aware of his predicament. Throughout the video he’s introspecting, thinking to himself (0:48) and refusing to look away from the problem (0:43, 0:29, 0:38, 0:46, all throughout the video). To deal with these newfound problems, rather than get complacent and give up, he’s decided to ‘go back to school’ (0:41 and 0:58) and accept that he still has a lot to learn, that he needs to keep improving. And this time he has plenty of help. All the sides of his mind that were once his enemies: the one-eyed man’s multiple sides, the black blob of terror, the anxiety bot, and the bull-faced man (which is a japanese symbol of young people’s perspective of society); now that he’s managed to reign them in and keep them in check, he understands that they’re a part of him and they’re not going away. So instead of shunning and hating them, he’s decided to teach them how to work together (0:58). And since they’ve always wanted to help him, they eagerly accept. Through this teacher-student relationship, he’s realizing that there’s a lot he can learn from them, and they can actually help him in positive ways, like a paradigm shift. They actually have more sides and depth to them than he realized, and by shunning and fighting them, he was suppressing important parts of himself needed to improve. For example, the MC let desire aimlessly control him for so long (1:10, a strong callback to the brown of Chocolate Town), that for the longest time he ran from and shunned it (1:12). However, that desire is actually needed to motivate oneself to learn and change. That’s why the MC’s other sides are now wearing brown (0:47), because they’re all painted by the MC’s personal desire to improve. Understanding this, at 1:15 the anxiety bot makes a “no” motion, to tell him that he shouldn’t run from it. Speaking of the anxiety bot, his appearance has changed; he looks more inviting and friendly, and isn’t defined by the blue of depression anymore. “Anxiety bot” isn’t really the right name anymore, now he should be called “Motivation bot” instead. Because of the MC’s paradigm shift, the bot isn’t focused on instilling fear anymore. It’s instead focused on giving the MC a desire to improve. Because he needs a little fear to put things into perspective and keep from getting caught in a rut. He needs that reminder that time is limited, and that if he doesn’t do something, he may very well end up lost and alone. They both believe in him and know he’s strong enough to manage, so they use that fear as drive to move forward. Anxiety’s been symbolized by water throughout these MVs, and we need water to survive, so the MC keeps it under control and make sure he only takes it in in small doses (symbolized by the water bottle at 0:44).

Now that all of this is in place, the MC can start to really confront and understand the problem. He decides that the main thing he wants motivating him is the fear that the girl is suffering, with him unable to reach her or help, basically a repeat of what happened all those years ago (1:16). He’s not going to let that happen, and we see him twirling a yellow key (1:23). This is a callback to the fantasy he dreamed up in As You Like It, and how he realizes the fight isn’t over, he still needs to make that dream real. He defiantly declares “I don’t care if it’s a lie” (1:24). He’s going to make it real. At 1:25 his other sides all proudly take the stage. This calls back to Dramaturgy, but now he’s not afraid of the stage, he embraces it confidently. Now, after deciding his next move (1:30), he takes action. His first step is to hear the girl’s perspective for himself, to ensure he doesn’t create a convenient image of her in his head like he did with his sister. At 1:33 he talks to her with the support of his other sides. He opens up to her, sharing his worries and fears (“when he gets annoyed with his daily routine, he wants to break it down”). He talks in the third person because he’s starting to look at himself without being as clouded by emotion. In response, she confides in him. She tells him that she’s still having a hard time, she’s not sure if she can manage through the day-to-day, desperately gripping the rails (1:42). At 1:45 we see a shot of stairs, symbolizing that she’s suffering an uphill battle, unable to see her destination. Not too different from the MC’s situation. The girl is in a hospital gown connected to an IV, calling back to the hospital theme of Last Dance. Whereas before she was an elegant light as he struggled sick in bed, now she’s the one who needs his help. He processes what she said (1:48), and realizes that of course just reaching out to her isn’t enough. She needs to be helped through her predicament. If anyone here’s played Persona, think social links. Just wanting to help isn’t enough. He needs to regularly make time for her, teach himself how to properly talk to her, and gain life experiences. Basically, before he can tell her how to improve her life, he needs to work to improve his OWN life, turn himself into someone she can look up to, instead of just wallowing in his uselessness. This snaps him back to reality, gets him out of his doldrum (1:52 “I was attacked by this helpless dizzy night”), and we even see him reading a self-help book. A little bonus detail, in the background of the train as the MC is fighting to improve himself, we see the girl from Tokyo Ghetto, wallowing in self-pity. Turns out letting herself be consumed by her bad habits didn’t work out so well, and now she’s all alone. It could also be the MC’s old self from Tokyo Ghetto, as a visual reminder of how far he’s come. Back on track, we see the MC visiting a bakery, and ordering a strange ring cake, a Baumkuchen (1:55). This cake appears throughout the MV, and is a visual metaphor for the MC’s current actions, and how his perspective has changed. The cake is visually similar to a tree trunk, and a tree is a symbol of strength. It lives for up to entire centuries, and almost nothing can bring it down. This is possible because of its incredibly sturdy trunk and roots dug deep into the ground. A tree has rings in its trunk as a marking of its age, and the more rings it has, the longer it’s lived. This means that the stronger and wiser a tree is, the more rings it will have. Quoting a Japanese chef who specializes in Baumkuchen, “The appeal of the cake is in its many layers. The layers represent the accumulation of happiness, making it a strong icon of luck.” Sound similar? So by purchasing this cake, he’s moved beyond the As You Like It fantasy in which he does one big thing and the credits roll. Now he understands that the story’s never really over. To keep himself from falling back into his old ways, he has to create a sturdy trunk out of many small rings. This means taking on positive habits and responsibilities that he continues constantly throughout his life; working a job, going to school, scheduling his time, learning to cook, reading books to learn. He seeks to keep getting more rings, making more roots, and never getting too set in his routine. He now understands that the battle is never truly over, and he can always improve more. That’s why he’s willing to jump off the building for the cake at 2:05, because he comes to accept its importance. Once he does that, everything clicks, and he sees the light again. At 2:08, the girl’s IV is juxtaposed against the beauty of the sky. At 2:15, the Motivation Bot acts as a sort of gatekeeper. He hears the MC’s newfound purpose, and allows him to move beyond his little apartment from 0:25. At 2:18, he becomes more self-aware. He sees the enormity of the world, and how much he has to learn, and he realizes that if he keeps assuming he’s done all he can then he won’t be able to keep up. At the same time, it’s beautiful, and full of opportunity. At 2:28, the other selves watch him with pride, and once things have sunk in, they’re there to calm him down and snap him back into reality. Now the MC’s learning from them. They listen intently, (2:33) and once he’s ready to fight to get his life together and reach the girl, the Motivation Bot gives him a big hearty throw to get him started (2:42). At 2:47 we see the chairs the MC had been resting on, painted orange and blue to symbolize his previous cycle of guilt and self-destruction. They’re now empty, as proof that the MC is finally setting himself up to move beyond that cycle. At 2:45 the girl’s anxiety and hopelessness coalesces into a teddy bear, a callback to Ano Ko Secret. This is a final challenge to the MC’s selfishness and childishness, something he must overcome to finally reach others. Since her pain is a reflection of his, he’s essentially fighting himself too, and the bear attacks him with a laser at 2:53, tearing down part of the red tower from Demon Dance Tokyo. If you remember, in that song the tower was a symbol of the MC’s memory of his sister. Now, it’s being damaged because if the MC can’t grow beyond his past mistakes, he won’t learn from the mistakes he made with his sister, and he won’t be doing her life justice. 2:54 calls back to the MC’s fall at the beginning of As You Like It, a symbol of his frustration and hopelessness toward his situation, but now when he hits the ground (2:59), he takes it in stride, grits his teeth, and keeps running. At 3:04, he uses everything to fight to reach the girl; the memory of his sister, the help of his other selves, his positive habits and drive to improve. At 3:14, for the first time, the girl’s eye is colored with orange, meaning the MC’s efforts have truly touched her. At 3:16, the MC successfully reaches the girl, with the help of all his other sides supporting him. He’s made it,  and at 3:20 the glove man from As You Like It gives him a round of applause. He’s sitting in the orange-blue chair, he’s nothing more than a dream. The MC has accepted that the battle doesn’t just end, made his dream real, and the glove man is proud of him for that. At the beginning of the video, at 0:19, the explosion from As You Like It rocked the MC and girl’s world, but this time he was ready for it, looked straight ahead, and overcame that trial he feared so much. The MC’s journey will continue, and he’ll be ready for whatever comes.

Raison D'etre: 

 The MC reached the girl, and that's deeply affected her. The MC realized he could only help her after helping himself. By being a living example of what she wishes to be, she not only knows she isn't alone, she's also starting to understand what she needs to do. This video is the first time we see solely in the girl's mind rather than the MC. Her outlook's changed from the pure blue of sadness to a mix of the black of discontent and the yellow of hope. As she leaves her now messy room, going about her daily routine, she starts to get lost in introspective thought, likely something she hasn't done in a long time. Her falling into the underground of her mind, it looks similar to Ambivalent. That's because we're looking deep in her subconscious mind, seeing her fundamental outlook. It's like the mind of a child; pieces of an amusement park, a mess of toys and blocks. Our previous looks at her were almost barren of imagination; grey, lifeless, mundane. But here it's full of color and life. This shows all her deeper emotions and hopes were buried deep down inside her, and she kept from becoming totally empty by making sadness her purpose, her identity. Atop it all, we see the queen of this place, an alternate version of her with her old all-blue color scheme. An imposing crescent moon presides over the entire city, and the blue girl wears a similar crescent as a mask. A crescent moon is merely the first stage of the moon's cycle. It's perpetually a crescent moon here because the girl never moves forward, she's always waiting for something to change things for her, and this mentality blinds her. We even see that her leg is chained by blue as further proof. We can see by all the toys and such that she's being childish, she's emotionally immature. She's elected not to think and to just assume things will get better, letting her hopes come to her. If you look closely, her robot-arm things look like distorted, stylized power outlets. We see in her irl room that she's constantly plugged in, a little too exposed to technology. Nowadays our perception of the world is all too skewed by our biases via the internet. We believe what we want to believe, and there will always be a group of people online to confirm it. This girl is no different, the internet is keeping her that much more locked down. We see irl that as she walks around, the uniform grey people around her flicker like a computer glitch. She's not seeing people as they really are, the internet is skewing her perception. When we see her in the subconscious world, she's cloaked in black and red. The red is used to symbolize the girl looking to her past. For the male MC, red was almost always negative until Baumkuchen End, as guilt toward his sister was holding him back. But with the girl, the past is actually a source of hope, as she remembers the good times she had with the MC as a small child. She sees who he was, and who he's become through nothing more than his own strength. She also spins her past regret into something positive, as her failure to see outside herself and reach out to him more back then has turned into a vow to do better now. So her past frustrations and memories are coming at odds with her present blue self who expects others to come and fix things for her. At the 1:30 mark, she wakes up after this realization, horrified, having a bit of a quarter-life crisis. She finally sees things for what they really are, and she knows this can't continue. We then see the irl city surrounded by red, in the windows, street lights, cones. She had the opposite problem of the MC. While he looked to the past too much, she didn't do it enough. She needs to remember the past to remember who she is, to be able to make her own decisions. At 1:40 we see a sort of medical blockade, to show that she's put a much needed temporary stop to things so she can think about where her life's going. As she walks along, moving up stairs rather than down, she sees her black and red reflection. It scares her, because it can't be ignored at all anymore, it's pervading her real life as well. Essentially, there's no going back to her old way of life now that she's seen the truth. In her subconscious, the mental bedrock supporting the irl city fails, and her world turns upside down. Turns out her "realistic" view of the city wasn't any less a delusion than the MC's. She fights with her present self, doing markedly better, and forces her out of the subconscious and into the real world. She can't hide anymore. Now that her present self has been brought into reality, she really starts to see the truth of things. At 2:38, she sees her current path for the barren, ruined wasteland it is, and screams out in discontent. At 2:41, she realizes she'd been drowning in stress and fear the entire time, choosing not to notice. At 2:45, she's in the fetal position surrounded by a cocoon of introspection, a symbol of rebirth. At 2:48, she sees her present self in a beautiful field of reeds, as she comes to understand her. Finally, at 2:57, Her present self is flanked on both sides by red cones. She clearly sees who her enemy is, there's no doubt in her mind anymore. The two fight, her present self almost like that of an omnipresent goddess, what with her blue rays and power of flight. Yet the red girl is still able to reach her, breaking her mask of wait in the process. When she sees her face, she's almost dumbstruck, realizing her present self isn't just her enemy, she's a part of her. The two meet in the middle, coming to an understanding, similar to what the MC did in Ambivalent. The red of the past lifts away, reverting back to the yellow of the future, as the two are ready to move forward. The girl then wakes up with a smile. Like the MC, she's not going to wait on a miracle to come and rescue her anymore. From here on out, she's going to make her own choices, and decide for herself who she wants to be.

*If you’ve read this far, then thank you so much. I’ve really enjoyed making this, and these MVs have felt like looking into a mirror. Whenever I wouldn’t understand what a video means, I would just think in terms of my own struggles and experiences and everything would quickly come together. I doubt any of this was even what Eve and his animators intended, but that’s the beauty of art. Regardless of what an artist intends when making something, its messages can sometimes resonate with its viewers in ways even they didn’t expect. These MVs have impacted me so deeply that I had to get this out there, and if it reaches even one person and helps them a little, then posting this will be worth it.

Bonus Song:

Ano Ko Secret (EVERY color):

I was having a lot of trouble deciding where this song could fit, as it’s just so damn colorful and happy. In a tale about depression and guilt, why would the MC have such a fun romantic comedy amidst it all? He already has a daydream in the form of As You Like It, he doesn’t need another one. And then it seemed obvious. This song is at the beginning, before everything got out of control after the MC’s sister died. The MC and blue-haired girl have their true hair colors, because they’re both real (0:43). They’re both quite young, but because the MC is a standard happy-go-lucky kid (with an overactive mind and a touch of narcissism), he FEELS like a grown-up. When he sees the blue-haired girl, he’s infatuated with her at first sight, so she’s pretty and mysterious, also a grown-up (0:52). The MC is constantly experiencing new things, symbolized by the multi-colored bears popping out of the gacha machines en masse (0:11). He has no idea what the future might hold, but he’s eager to see it all. He even has a good friend in the form of the especially large orange bear (1:22). As orange is what we see when all colors are mixed together, this shows that the MC is able to confide in his friend and be totally honest around him. The fact that he’s a bear instead of a person could also symbolize how the MC literally sees himself as the ‘Main Character’ of his life, and others are background characters. Again, a little on the narcissistic side. But he’s so interested in the girl, that she looks different from everyone else. Because of that interest, he’s afraid to talk to her, so he enlists the help of his friend (1:03). Even together, he can’t gather up the courage, so his friend consoles him (1:19). When he finally does manage to talk to her, (albeit only through texts), all she seems to care about is his friend (1:37). He likely had a crush on her too, so with all her interest centered on the friend, asking her on a date is out of the question. He feels left out, betrayed by his best friend (1:54). But, angered, he refuses to give up, and he pushes past his fear to reach out to her anyway (2:05). Despite his best efforts, his anxiety wins out (symbolized by the black bears shooting down the white bears), and he stops just short of reaching her (2:18). However, he sees the girl reject his friend from the sidelines (2:47), and he rushes over, looking past his feelings of betrayal to console him (3:01). He doesn’t meet the girl, but when he saw her reject his friend, for a moment he saw a bit of himself in her, symbolized by them both exploring the same bear shop at 2:41. It’s a feeling he doesn’t fully understand, but he’s not afraid of her anymore, and he later works up the courage to talk to her off-screen, as proven by later songs. Neither of them truly realizes how similar they are to one another, and how their fates will be later intertwined, but their friendship will be a source of hope for them in the coming years.

[satoshi-mochida]

Some thoughts on my last Gamefly rental, Devil May Cry HD Collection.

Devil May Cry 1

DMC1 was changed in production from Resident Evil 4, and I can see some of the more classic RE mechanics still here: some fixed-camera angles that tend to change at awkward points(which was kind of disorienting when it changed angles in the middle of hallways or in some boss fights, like Nelo Angelo, but has been improved in the later games), the transition for going through doors(not the ‘slowly opening the door’ one, the ‘zoom in’ one), and a horror atmosphere(even more so later on).

Though I never got super good at it, I think I picked up on the gameplay in this one and others pretty easily, though they don’t really give you any tutorials until 3. That was only a real pain for me when you NEED to use High Time to deflect shots back at a statue, and I didn’t know this until I looked it up. It IS in the moves menu, so it is slightly on me as well for not checking through those. 

The location for the game, Mallet Island, was a stage in Project X Zone 2, so it was cool seeing it in full.

Devil May Cry 2

I kept hearing the game was bad, but based on everything I’ve seen and heard, I was expecting a LOT worse. It felt like it had improved in some ways(like more open areas so the camera isn’t as much of a pain), but was weaker in others. It feels like the weakest of these three, though.

Dante starts with some abilities he had to learn in the first game, like the Air Hike and Stinger, which is nice; I hate not being able to double jump.

Some issues I had with it: no indicator of your location on the map screen aside from the room you’re in flashing(DMC3 is like this too, but it’s not as much of a pain to navigate since it’s not as dark), not too challenging(on the starting difficulty, at least), and when locked onto an enemy, you ALWAYS attack in their direction(lock-on was improved in 3). Also, the combat feels...more loose, maybe(?), compared to the other two.

Stage 14 for Dante was the worst for me; the stage is very dark and it was hard to see a wall you needed to jump over(hint). The stages afterwards and endgame made up for it, though.

I liked Lucia; she’s better at aerial fighting than Dante, and I liked her story. Hope she is able to come back again.

Devil May Cry 3

“People said DMC 2 was too easy, so we should probably make the next one more challenging.

DMC 3 Developers: Hold my beer.”

To be fair, they made the Japanese Hard difficulty Normal Mode for us, for some reason. I switched over to ‘Easy’ mode after getting frustrated for a while.

It was cool being able to play through the game as Vergil, but I wish that, aside from ONE new cutscene, and all the others being MIA, you weren’t just playing through Dante’s story as Vergil. He does have several differences from Dante, though: he can’t use Air Hike(double jump), has all of his weapons from the start and doesn’t need to choose between two melee weapons at once, letting you freely switch between all 3, and only has one Style to level up.

Combat feels the best in this one compared to 1 and 2, imo, and the VA work is much improved. The several different Styles are a nice way to change up Dante’s moves(though I wish this version had the anytime-Style-switch that the Switch version had so I didn’t need to wait to change it out), though I usually stuck with Trickster.

One thing from this game compared to the first two I also like? MUCH more talking. There are many stages in those two where there isn’t much talking at all(aside from battle grunting). Might have been for atmosphere though, and that’s fine. This seems to also be when Dante full-on became the wise-cracker we know him as(he had his moments in 1, I think, though).

It’s too bad you can’t play as Lady in this game; she’s pretty cool. I think she is playable in DMC 5, though.

I’m sure many other people can go into more detail about game mechanics and such between the three, but I’m not too good at that sort of thing. ^^;

I’ll get to renting DMC 4/5 down the line; I had played a VERY small bit of the former way back when(back when we actually had a Blockbuster), but 1, the disc was kind of scratched, I think, and 2, my 360 was dying, so I only was able to beat the first stage. Gamefly has the PS3 version, though not the PS4 version, unfortunately.

In contrast, I don’t think I’ll try DMC: Devil May Cry. I’ve heard plenty about it, and not good things(mostly story-wise). ^^;

Next game being sent is: Little Town Hero.

[mittensmorgul]

15.01 Back And To The Future rewatch notes

Note to anyone reading: I’ve already written a mishmosh of other posts addressing stuff in this episode, so this post is not a comprehensive list of every important or interesting thing in 15.01. This post is “things I haven’t otherwise talked about elsewhere yet” or “things I’ve been meaning to talk about in more detail but haven’t yet,” or “things I’d otherwise be compelled to write into the transcript doc in the other tab and really really shouldn’t.” Because that’s actually the purpose of this particular rewatch-- writing up the transcript. Which is happening in the other tab. :P

(i’m gonna go post the transcript now, so it should be up as soon as I get all the html un-screw-ified... >.>)

That said, let’s gooooo!

well, under a cut because long-ish >.>

I already talked about the song choice, and the fact it was the opening montage music in 9.10 (rip Lamp-- yes, this song has forever been the imaginary background music to Lamp/Other Lamp, sorry, the brain wants what the brain wants). It also reminded me of 11.04, the Night Moves scene, combined with Dean’s joke about how Piper brushed Sam off without giving him her number, and Dean replied “We got tonight, who needs tomorrow,”  where Sam asks Dean if everything is a Bob Seger song to him. Because, heh, here have another Bob Seger song summing up the end of the road here.

But I love how the lyrics MATCH UP with the action in this opening scene.

♪It's been a long time since you smiled♪ [zombies circle around TFW cutting off their chance of escape] Chuck: Story's over. Welcome to the End. [Cas kneels over Jack's body] ♪Seems like oh, so long ago♪ --NOW-- [in the graveyard, the scene picks up where 14.20 left off, and the music continues uninterrupted from the Road So Far montage. TFW battle a zombie horde, as we zoom out from Jack's burned out eyes and the fighting rages on] ♪And now the stage has all been set♪ ♪And the nights are growing cold♪ ♪Soon the winter will be here♪ ♪And there's no one warm to hold♪ ♪Now the lines have all been read♪ Cas: Sam! Dean! ♪And you knew them all by heart♪ ♪Now you move toward the door♪ [Cas picks up Jack's body and runs, leading the way out of the zombie fight. Sam and Dean follow, dodging monsters and graves] ♪Here it comes the hardest part♪ ♪Try the handle of the road♪ Sam [spotting potential refuge]: Dean, this way! ♪Feeling different, feeling strange♪ ♪This can never be arranged♪ ♪From the famous final scene♪

Then there’s the DRAMATIC ZOOM in on Dean that literally cuts Cas out of the shot as Dean reacts to his line that “Well, I wouldn’t starve.” Like that was the moment Dean began to literally shut Cas out, because he feels that line was Cas shutting HIM out. So instead of trying to deal with any of that because ZOMBIES TRYING TO BREAK DOWN THE DOOR is a more immediate concern, he turns his back and goes on his little tirade about Chuck. Like he was reliving that moment he got to smash Chuck’s guitar and wishes he could do it again.

And then we meet Belphegor, who already has a rather hopping tag on my blog, so I’m gonna… just move on a bit from here…

I am in pain over this callback to Bloody Mary, with the teenage girls who seem far younger than the girls from the original. These girls are far more innocent. They didn’t call up bloody Mary, they have no guilt of having killed anyone on their souls. Bloody Mary just… showed up. And tortured and killed them.

But this parallel was twisted. In the original, the girls’ father apparently gave their mother an overdose of sleeping pills that led to her death. in the new version, one of the girls’ parents just got divorced and was compensating by going on a shopping spree and buying everything her daughter wanted. These girls were laughing, loving what that divorce brought them.

It’s sort of a more cheerful parallel to Dean and Cas’s fracturing relationship over their dead son’s body…Well, more cheerful until Bloody Mary kills them, anyway.

Sam learns there’s no sudden worldwide zombie outbreak, so the incident seems localized to that one graveyard.

And at this point I started a THIRD thing I’m working on at the same time, because two was apparently not enough. I think I’m gonna copy/paste that stuff here, instead. It’s about the Three Ghosts of this episode-- each parallelled directly to one of TFW. Bloody Mary was one, and in this episode she was Cas’s parallel. It’s her victims Cas will find-- two little girls who never deserved the fate Bloody Mary dished out to them. But Mary Worthington had been murdered herself, and her killer never caught. So she originally killed people who kept secrets about others’ deaths as a form of revenge against her own killer. In trying to protect others, she became a killer herself. And heck if that’s not painfully Cas… or something he feels he’s painfully failed to do, to protect the Winchesters from having to do horrific things. And he DID sell his own potential future happiness in exchange for Jack’s life, only to have just watched Jack die horrifically. His sacrifice, again, has amounted to nothing.

In this episode, she follows Cas from the house, through mirrors, and reappears in a dark pond to grab at the mother and child Sam had already saved from John Wayne Gacy (yeah, I’ll type that one up next, but let’s finish this first...). So there’s a being now watching Cas from the depths of a dark pool, waiting to reach up and grab him when he finally feels safe. Sounds like… the Shadow.

So on to Sam vs Clowns. Sam’s direct parallel is the ghost of John Wayne Gacy, in clown costume, that he formerly burned in 14.13. In an episode where he was about to come face to face with his own past in the form of John Winchester suddenly appearing in the bunker, torn from the past. It’s an episode where Sam and Dean find peace with who they’ve become, and lay a ghost of their past to rest.

With the Equalizer wound humming along, affecting Sam in mysterious ways we’ve only begun to glimpse, and Sam’s brief flash of himself with black eyes apparently hurting Dean, it’s hard NOT to think of the parallel that Clowns have always held for Sam-- Lucifer. Heck I’ve written about that recently, or at least it feels like I have… but at the end of this episode, Sam stops and looks Gacy in the face and tells him to shut up. Which is something Sam has ALSO said to Lucifer (or at least a hallucination of Lucifer). The infamous “HE SAID SHUT UP TO ME!” of Hallucifer in 7.15, which ended Sam’s ability to shut out the hallucination by squeezing the cut on his hand.

Now on to Dean’s parallel ghost: Constance Welch, aka the Woman in White from 1.01. A woman who was the first ghost of the entire series, who Sam literally drove into her house to “take her home,” where she had to face what she’d done to her own children. She’d killed her own children in a moment of grief after her husband cheated on her, and then killed herself.

Dean had been moments from killing Jack in 14.20, in a moment of grief, but didn’t. Yet he’s now having some serious issues with Cas throughout this episode and by the end, they’re “frosty.”

Belphegor, with Dean, looks for a human heart to use in their spell, and stumble across one of Constance’s victims. Belphegor rips out his heart and holds it up to Dean, when Constance appears. She recognizes Dean from 1.01, who made her go home, and attacks him. Then tries to attack Belphegor, and actually injures his hand.

But this is the ghost Dean is paired with. He drives her off, and Belphegor does the spell to contain the ghosts by putting the heart in a pile of salt.

Okay, now where was I in these notes… right… Town, where Sam and Dean play FBI, trying to stop a benzene pipeline leak. And wow, what a weird story, right? Sheriff was confused, but helped evacuate the townspeople to safety.

I think it’s interesting that this was intended to be another stopgap measure, like putting Jack in the box in 14.19, because they know this spell won’t hold forever, and they know they have no other reasonable way to fix the problem. But they can try to buy some time, and hope they’ll come up with a better solution before things go sideways.

Dean asks Cas to help Belphegor do the spell thing, but Cas refuses, and goes to work with Sam instead, leaving Dean to deal with the demon possessing Jack. Which leads to all sorts of interesting conversations between them… I think I’ve written and/or reblogged enough posts on the queer subtext… er… text even… of these scenes to just point out here that it exists, and is heavy.

Meanwhile Cas and Sam go house to house looking for people they need to evacuate, and encounter the above ^^ ghosts.

So Dean’s stuck with the demon fanboy who admires what Dean did in Hell, and Dean seems pretty uncomfortable about this, but it’s not like he has a choice, you know? Who else is gonna do this? Cas couldn’t, Sam’s already on the other gig, and that leaves Dean. So… instead of denying what he’d done, he brushed it off as “a long time ago.” And then actually asked what the situation in Hell was like. The answer Belphegor gave is… interesting.

Belphegor: You ever seen an ant hill when it's, like, set on fire? [lol no, according to Dean’s wtf face] Okay, well, there we were, minding our own business, you know, flaying people for eternity, like you do, right? And then every door in Hell just sprang open all at once. You know? Souls got out. Sky cracked. And, uh, boom, ta-da, you know?

So all the gates are open, including the Cage, but Michael’s apparently still just sitting there. Which is worrisome. But my question is, if all the gates are open, yet the entire planet isn’t flooding with demons and souls, ONLY through the direct portal into that graveyard, how can what Belphegor said be true? At least, theoretically… But that’s a question for another day, when we have more canon to understand.

So… Dean has to face Constance, who flings him into a dumpster. Which makes me lol think about 1.01 and Dean flinging himself off a bridge to get away from her, and ended up covered in mud.

Cas’s “It’s one ghost,” *two more ghosts appear* “It’s three.” reminded me of “I got this,” “I don’t got this.”

Sam accidentally shooting Cas because the ghost got between the two of them horrifyingly reminds me of 12.17 and Eileen accidentally shooting Mr. Top of his Class at Kendricks when Dagon deliberately came between the two of them. At least Cas is salt-proof, you know?

Belphegor calling out Bad Ghost! kinda reminds me of Dean’s “Here ghostie ghostie ghostie” from 4.13. But REALLY. A demon, who tortures souls for fun and profit, yet can’t do anything more than weakly scold a ghost like a misbehaving puppy? INTERESTING. Because it’s Dean that has to whack her with a metal rod, while Belphegor ends up with deep gouges in his hand that are clearly causing him pain.

Dean hurls the name Casper at Constance before he whacks her, which is also a callback to 1.01. It was Sam who called him out for shooting at her with regular bullets: “What were you thinking shooting Casper in the face, you freak?” Lol that he remembered that.

Sam pulled a “I’ll hold them off, I’ll hold them all off” hopeless move when he sent Cas away, like Cas once did in 4.22 when he sent Dean away to stop Sam… but Sam actually got out in one piece, even though his gun was empty.

Sam picks up the little girl and runs as fast as he can and only looks back once he’s outside and safe. Like “take your brother outside as fast as you can and don’t look back”

I already wrote about the callback of Dean distracting Sam from tending to his wound with the cut-off joke, reminding me of the scene in 4.09 of Sam doing something similar while fixing Dean’s dislocated shoulder.

And then we have the realization that they’ve never really had free will, just limited choices because of the circumstances Chuck put them in. Sam is unrealistically optimistic that it means that Chuck’s actually gone, now. But that’s the hope he’s holding on to in order to get through this horror.

So this… is what they’re setting up as the guidemap to the series finale. Specifically, Sam and Dean must finally earn their way free. The ghostpocalypse is just step one, and not the true end. There’s still Heaven and Hell to deal with (though Heaven is mostly empty of angels and Hell seems to be actively crumbling now). And Michael, whenever he gets around to walking out of the cage. I’m sure that will go great! Unhinged archangel on the loose! But those are all minor distractions compared with Chuck, because he hasn’t really gone anywhere.

And we still don’t know what Actual Jack, Billie, and the Shadow are up to in the Empty, in their secret meeting in a realm that Chuck has no power. And what about Amara? How does she feel about this now that she’s grown fond of creation? I think there’s a much bigger game afoot than just a ghostpocalypse.

Meanwhile, Sam’s quote here is still setting up the final scene of the series: When we win this, God's gone. Hm. There's no one to screw with us. There's no more maze. It's just us. And we're free.

That’s the goal.

[steve0discusses]

Yugioh S3 Ep 31: Joey’s Dead (Again)

Ah, it is 5 billion degrees and working has been pretty much impossible, so, lets turn on Netflix and...

Thanks, Netflix.

Anyways, time to go see Joey get destroyed by a bird. On screen. This traumatic as hell kid’s show.

Now, usually this kid’s show is very...kid’s show in quality. The animation has exactly what it needs for most children and teens to feel satisfied--and that’s absolutely fine. You don’t have to make everything look like My Hero Academia, youknow? They were not looking for an award.

But this episode, the one where Joey freakin dies, they decided to bring out their A team. This is the best looking episode of Yugioh that I’ve seen so far, and it was freakin shocking how much better the quality was. Like, I dunno what weird blood sacrifice they did to make this episode looks so freakin good, but kudos to them, everything is more fluid, the shots are composed in a really interesting way, and for once, they actually spend the time to let these characters...react to stuff.

The big twist in Yugioh, at least for me, is when it randomly decides to be quality. It doesn’t happen all (most of) the time, but occasionally, Yugioh will just take a quality swing at me and it’s like “the hell was THAT?” Not that this episode is the best animated episode of anything ever made, it still doesn’t hold a candle to shows that are made in order to be beautiful--but for Yugioh, who’s purpose was never to be pretty (point of fact, Bakura’s hair) and who’s main purpose is to sell freakin playing cards...this is a damn pretty episode. 

They just loved Joey that much I guess.

Anyway, onward for what is also the most melodramatic episode of Yugioh I’ve seen. This episode is kind of a gem. I cannot believe I just watched an episode on this show about cards where 3/4 of it was just so many boys full on ugly sobbing into their friend’s comatose body.

(read more under the cut)

Serenity, this small dot in the next cap here, has only made it to.....this part of the island. She has to now run up like 2 miles of tower. Just remember this fact for later.

Yo so...this is a stupid adult question but like who is paying for the healthcare on all these kids in this tourney? Is it just Kaiba? Is Kaiba footing the bill? I mean, it’s a kid’s show so we’ll pretend that hospitals are free (and in Japan it’s like Universal but kinda inbetween, so I’ve heard, so this would be less of a deal) but as an adult American every time they’re in a hospital scene I’m just imagining how crazy that GoFundMe campaign page would look like.

But, as Serenity starts climbing up this monalith, on the roof of said tower, Joey is at max anime. For the first time ever, his hair is drawn as like separate hairs and not as just some weird backwards anteater tail he wears on his head. And youknow what? Joey has a hellton of hair. Your hair has to be realllly long and full to do an anteater and I don’t give him enough credit.

And so after all that, Joey’s like...still up.

(I mean this is as far as I know, I don’t have Jump Force)

Remember how Yugi stood in front of one single fireball so that Joey wouldn’t take one for Mai? Now that we’ve seen how Joey was still standing after bird fire tornado--he...probably would’ve been fine with the fireball. Just conjecture, but I feel like Joey, despite not having any connection to a millennium item, is some sort of escaped X-men.

And then, like everyone on this show is wont to do, he just randomly hallucinates Yugi. What’s great about this episode is that Joey will hallucinate Yugi not once, but twice. (which will come later)

Also, this “Oh yeaaaaaahhhhh” was a super fluid animation that I might just lift because it was so freakin wild. Like it was kind of terrifying how fluid it was. In anime they tend to freelance out different clips to different animators, so they aren’t really all working in the same studio (which is why often anime will have reallllly nice animation in some parts, and then less in others, while in US studios where everyone works on everything, there’s less of that) But whoever got the Joey saying “Oh yeaaaaaaahhhh” scene must’ve been like “this is it, this is my big break” and spent like half a day making it as fluid as they could compared to everything else going on.

They also had enough time for Yugi to partially disrobe for some reason. I guess it looked cool.

Please contrast the twinkly lights and the shimmer sound effect with what follows it:

It’s at this point that Seto Kaiba actually starts to doubt this whole tourney, but not for the reason a normal person would doubt a tourney that has had several apocalypses and mass-murderers involved in it.

Kaiba was Extremely Upset about this revelation.

Anyway, Since Joey is still standing, he pulls a card, realizes it can kill Marik, slaps it on the duel disk, the monster shows up on the field, and--Kaiba either has the fastest elevator in the world, or Serenity runs a 3 minute mile because, guess who made it to the top of this tower of Babel?

That’s right, supportive Sister, here to walk Joey through the hard arduous task of basically pressing “enter” on your keyboard.

RIP again, Joey, RIP again. I mean it’s hard to get too wrapped up in it because I know he already died...this morning...like two hours ago. Like basically he got turned into stone for a bit, and then after coming back to life, took a nap on the blimpjet and then arrived at this island to die yet again. Joey Wheeler has just had such a very intense couple of days and desperately needs a nap.

But, game wise, Joey played a monster, it was on the field--what else would he have done with it???

But because he didn’t say a word loud enough for other people to hear, this didn’t count???

This game is so weird about what rules it decides are binding and which are loosey goosey. There’s absolutely no time limit, you can strap the other person to a weird wall device and throw fireballs at their face, you can sap their life energy with weird fiber optic cables, but if you don’t say the word “Attack” although the monster card is in Attack position--it doesn’t count? There’s nothing else on the field to hit but Marik himself. There’s literally nothing else Joey would have done with that card. He totally won this match but whatever, it’s Yugioh.

And lets give it up for the one and only adult in the room, everybody. Good Job, Roland. Good freakin job.

I get that he’s a butler/pilot/card referee/bodyguard, but who else is freakin there to parent any of these teens? Ishizu? Is that all we have left?

Sorry, I’ve thought more about Roland and his mysterious dodgy character than the people who made this show.

Anyway, it’s at this point that Mokuba decided to climb stuff.

Again, this episode has so many weird animation details that say a lot about the characters--and I’m just not used to this much love and care.

So another wild thing about this episode--I didn’t realize that Joey was even Shadow Realmed when I watched it through. This episode is super vague when it comes to Joey. Everyone is mourning as if he had died, and so for me, the first time watcher (as well as my Bro who saw it once when he was 13), I just assumed this is because they finally got a completely different but very good animation team on this episode. I just figured this was someone high up saying “maybe you should have the characters realistically react to at least a single death on this show where 183 people have died”

But, turns out this is actually a translation error. Because, in the Japanese version, Joey just freakin stopped breathing or something? In the English version that we’re watching, Joey is just in a coma, and it’s a rather pleasant coma (yet still my definition of a death). But, the reason everyone is reacting like...how they should have reacted the previous 182 times, is because Joey was actually legally dead.

Something they censored out to keep the show mystifyingly Y-7 although...I think I’ve said this a million times, but don’t give this show to your 7 year old. Going off of what my Nephews and Nieces like, Yugioh is a pretty far cry from PJ Masks and Monster High.

Anyway, the show goes totally all out, and everyone does a 150% more than what is ever necessary grief cry, and I think the best cry goes to Tristan although Yugi attempted really hard to steal the gold. Thing about Yugi’s grieving is that he was going more for quantity over quality, but they did a really brutal close zoom on Tristan going through the stages of Grief (mostly anger) and it was like...unexpected for a Yugioh episode y’all. I’ve never seen Tristan go that hard...ever. Tristan is usually kind of tertiary but he just came out of nowhere to scream directly at my face and I was not expecting it.

And this episode does something that I like, although it was kind of unusual for Pharaoh and Yugi--and it shows us how they react in a completely opposite way to the same traumatic event. They’ll both get around to crying but Pharaoh will take his time.

Also, we’ve seen indication of Pharaoh’s inward grief before - and it’s something they usually say but don’t show - but this is the first time they’ve actually showed that Pharaoh tends to bottle everything deep, deep down. He’s got maybe a lot of feelings about being a ghost who doesn’t have a body or a history or...anything, and him bottling up Yugi (since Yugi isn’t going to come out for the rest of this episode) is sort of a proof that he’s used to bottling everything.

Cuz outwardly, he’s just like this (and kudos to the art team for leaving a spot where Yugi’s spirit is currently crying over the corpse/coma victim)

And then meanwhile, Kaiba just has no idea what planet he’s even on. Remember that in the Japanese version, Joey freakin died in Seto’s own tournament. This would be a PR disaster, but does Kaiba...know?

(Yes, I keep a draft file that is just every single death so I can keep track of them, and this is the 4th time that Joey has died)

Then this doctor shows up, which is surprising, because I figured Marik knocked this guy out and stuffed him in a broom closet last season. But nah, it’s the same doctor, he’s back. This poor doctor who keeps having to tend Shadow Realm patients while every single person on this blimp is in the same little hospital room with him, just breathing down his neck.

Speaking of, if this doctor has been here this entire time, then why did Serenity just stay directly by Mai’s side?

They have a doctor.

Anyway, originally I thought I’d make this two parts but like...nah, we’ll just have a really long post.

Lets see how Joey’s Shadow Realm is (which, again, it is super unclear if he is or isn’t, and from when I polled you guys it looked like it was sort of like a “don’t think about it” situation of whether this is a dream of Joey’s, or the Shadow Verse)

I’ve made the joke before that you can tell it’s a dream when they’re at school but...we’re back at school. It’s the only time we see Joey in his school uniform.

Thirsty preteens rejoice, they finally removed Joey from his baggy pajama shirt that he’s been stuck in for 2 seasons. Like, do you think when Kaiba was looking at public schools, he saw that this school had not only crazy card people, but also freakin nuts shoulder pads and he just slammed that “enroll” button?

So...does Yugi KNOW that everyone else dreams about him on a regular basis? Like, does he KNOW? I figure Yugi just has sort of a weird tick related to the puzzle that makes it so people are seeing him, but Yugi has no idea that he’s got an inception method ability, right? 

And especially since this is kind of a magic-onset dream, and Yugi really wants to save Joey, it sort of almost looks like Yugi is doing this maybe latently through the puzzle? But...probably not. I don’t really know what’s happening here, other than Joey’s just gonna go peace out and play this confusing card game for eternity.

That would be my Shadow Realm.

Back at our homeslice, Blimpjet, Seto has sent his little brother to deliver all of the bad news for him, knowing that Mokuba is too cute for anyone to do anything about it.

And so Mokuba decides to radio a helicopter to save him because he’s a Kaiba and doesn’t realize that planes/boats exist. Good to see that Mokuba has finally decided to embrace his job as Battle City Commissioner and figure out a solution to transporting/hiding all these bodies.

Honestly, I’m just shook that this blimpjet is not a blimpjetboat.

Bro told me that in the Japanese version, Tristan just straight up punches Joey right near this scene, and like...that’s probably true. Bro has a lot of spicy headcanons but I can see this show doing that. (bro note: that might have been an earlier Joey coma).

Knowing that, it makes this kind of more funny because Yugi is so absorbed in The Crying that I guess he didn’t notice that whole thing go down with Tristan.

I guess they wanted a throwback to S1, but this episode is so extra that Yugi very nearly stops playing cards. Nearly. He’s still gonna play cards, but I guess as a symbol to show that he’s starting to give into just not playing this game anymore, Pharaoh actually takes this weird contraption off his arm.

To do so he has to like remove the battery or something. I didn't even realize what he was doing because it was so un-intuitive, but you have to pull out this 4 inch battery from the back in order to remove the disk.

Can you imagine!???? Can you imagine wearing this thing in real life and shoving a 4 inch 2 lb battery in and out of this hulking thing every time you had to use the toilet?

Which...I guess they haven’t been, right? Like I shouldn’t go down that avenue but like...they haven’t been, right? There are just so many germs on this disk.

And so Pharaoh decides it’s finally time to lose it, maybe because Yugi wants to give up cards, or maybe because there’s no one else around so it’s finally fine for him to shed a masculine tear or two, but it took him I want to say like 20 more minutes than Yugi to finally react to all this.

And then this happens?

Anyway, remember Ishizu’s Millennium Necklace (not to be confused with the Millennium Puzzle with is also a Necklace, which Yugi also has, but he only wears one, because he just doesn’t feel like wearing 2 chokers at once, I guess)

Apparently the reason that Yugi was given the necklace was to get this one vision of the future. Get ready for it, the entire fate of the world rested on Pharaoh getting this one vision.

Yes, the answer was indeed, cards.

On the other end of the blimpjet, Mokuba I guess got tired of Roland’s poor radio skills and has decided to use the radio himself while Roland kind of just stands there and waves his arms around.

Straight up, does Mokuba have a Ham license? Are the Kaiba’s Hams? So like, Bro and I made Ham radio parts as a part time out of college and while I don’t have a license, it just really intrigues me that these boys do and I really wonder if they ever check into the emergency net and do Ham contesting when they aren’t throwing cards around. Ham people are like...really into their rigs so if you had Kaiba money, your rig would reach the curvature of the Earth.

Also, I kinda just assumed that they’re still in Japan, since Japan has a lot of islands connected to it, and the Kaiba Island does look man-made, but...is it not? Why place this factory in the middle of nowhere if you aren’t actually building a merc-for-hire program like Metal Gear? Like I know we just talked about how Gozobura Kaiba was basically Big Boss, but like...was this island made by Master Miller? Why is it in the middle of the ocean???

Big Boss had a reason to build in the sea, because he didn’t actually align with a country, so he had to be in international waters, but Gozobura Kaiba’s company is Japanese, so why go through all the trouble of--whatever I shouldn’t think about it.

So yeah, they’re too far away to radio to Japan although...that doesn’t make sense to me since why would you build a manufacturing plant so far away from your biggest buyer? But plot. Plot reasons, it had to happen this way.

And then this scene happened and it was...SO MUCH.

THIS WAS SO MUCH.

THIS SCENE WAS JUST SO FREAKIN AWKWARD.

Like it may not come through with the caps but this scene was made up to be extremely serious. The music was swelling, Pharaoh was pausing by Joey’s bedside as if to give a speech. The writers were expecting tears to come out of my face when Pharaoh did..........this

Wʜᴏ ᴡʀᴏᴛᴇ ᴛʜɪs.

Y’all I was DYING.

I had to stop the episode and just like...recover. We had to rewind so I could watch this scene twice. I could not stop laughing at the idea that the writers were like “lets take this very serious and heavy content and then make it super emotional and meaningful by SLAPPING A DUEL DISK ON IT.” 

And what makes this scene even better is that like--barely anyone said ANYTHING after Pharaoh did this. He waltzed in there, did this insane thing, and then just waltzed out as if this was completely normal.

What the hell!?!?

And so while I am kind of reeling from Pharaoh just slapping a duel disk onto Joey like it’s a badge of honor and Joey was shot in the line of duty, suddenly--out of nowhere--Tea felt like reminding us that many episodes ago it was super hinted that these two might actually be approaching a relationship.

And so Tea decides to beg Yugi to stop and stay behind as if she’s a wife watching her husband like march off to the front lines or something. It was so melodramatic and just came out of NO WHERE.

Thankfully, as is this show’s custom, every time it looks like this ship might happen, every other available boy on the show must appear out of nowhere to cockblock the situation.

This episode is a lot of watching Pharaoh try his best to navigate a bunch of very delicate and intense social situations and he does so with the elegance and sensitivity of a bologna sandwich.

This shot of Kaiba on top of the tower ps was so freakin rediculous. This show just knows what it is and goes for it. Completely unashamed. I think that’s what I like most about anime--it has absolutely no shame to just be...waaaay too much.

...why THIS episode? Who was it that worked overtime for months and months just to make this one Yugioh episode look so shiny and nice?

And so the episode ends there, and probably all the character development we’ll have for the rest of the season. I cannot believe they gave me that much content in one episode. Damn.

I’m assuming next episode will be entirely cards and I’ll have like 5 caps of content.

Anyway if you just got here, this is a handy link to read these from the beginning.

[paganinpurple]

Be Careful What You Wish For - Ch 5

Will Write For Coffee

Another chapter commissioned by the lovely @simply-zerah Enjoy!

Adrien and Nino find themselves in an alternate timeline where Hawkmoth never attacked and so the Miraculous heroes were never chosen. Just how much has changed in this universe? And how will they find their way back?

AO3 

Part 1   Part 2   Part 3   Part 4   Part 5   Part 6   Part 7

Chat Noir touched down on the Place de Vosges in the same spot as the other night, his baton opening and zooming in on his bedroom window instantly. A soft thud beside him indicated Carapace had caught up to him and with nothing more than a quick glance up to confirm it, Chat returned to his watch.

There -as expected- was his alternate self, asleep in bed this time around -though no more gracefully than before- and a now very familiar blue streak circling above him in rapid movements which made details hard to make out.

Returning his baton to its home screen option, Chat began to swipe through screens looking for the magical software he required to continue with the next stage of their little espionage mission. Activating the little icon, strange visors slid down in the opening of his mask over his eyes, virtually invisible to anyone not looking for it. There was an uncomfortably sharp zap of static electricity across his eyes that would have made him yelp in pain if he hadn’t been expecting it before his baton gave a beep and the visors retracted again. He screwed his eyes shut and opened them again a few times, causing them to water for a moment before he got it under control.

Internally grumbling to himself, he wiped his eyes dry. He had always hated having to use Cat’s Eye for hero work. There were definitely times he envied his wife her less unpleasant secondary powers. Being the embodiment of destruction could be pretty uncomfortable at times.

Removing the small earpiece from the bottom of his baton, he quickly placed it into his ear before tapping in a number. As he moved his thumb towards where the call button usually was, he instead bypassed it, instead pressing a rounded icon with what was clearly a cat’s eye on it just below. He listened to the sound of ringing in his earpiece, his chest warming as the contact picture filled the screen in front of him. The line connected and brief hellos were exchanged between him and the other voice as another, louder thud -accompanied by some heavy breathing and a few aged groans- announced Jade Turtle’s arrival behind the two heroes already present. Chat rolled his eyes involuntarily, failing to see the need for the unfit, hard-headed reptile.

“Adrien?” Marinette asked breathlessly from his earpiece, “Are-”

“Chat Noir,” he reminded her, “I’m Chat right now.”

“Okay. Chat, are you sure you want me on this? I don’t have a clue what I’m doing.”

“I know you don’t understand a lot of this stuff anymore, but I still feel better with you having eyes and ears on things. You’re more observant than me. And…you have good instincts.”

“Um, okay. But I’ve got to say this is the weirdest thing I’ve ever done. I’m staring at my phone screen but I’m seeing what you’re looking at. Every time you blink, I’m reminded that this isn’t some normal camera feed. That it’s directly connected to your sight somehow.”

“Magic,” he said with a light chuckle, “You either go with it, or it starts to drive you wild after a while.”

“Riiight…” she said, her own laughter starting to bubble over, “Just do me a favour and stop giving Mas- Jade Turtle the side-eye.”

“I wasn’t!” he spluttered.

“Uh huh, I can see it, you know.”

 This strange revelation that not everything was as normal as suspected at the Agreste Manor had led to some wonderful side effects recently. Being as distracted as he was by the new discovery, Adrien had no brain-power left to over-think his familiarity with Marinette. No longer was he too keenly aware of keeping his distance in order to avoid making her uncomfortable and as a result, she seemed to have gotten used to his casual closeness to her.

He hadn’t noticed that first time when he’d absent-mindedly made her some tea -just the way she liked it- while he also fixed himself something to drink, but it had quickly grown from there. He had sat down right beside her on the couch instead of leaving room between them, his thigh pressing against hers intimately as he explained that the Peacock kwami -Duusu- had fled the moment the other Adrien had started to stir. When she had gotten anxious over thoughts of what might happen next, he had reached over and taken her hand to still her fingers from tapping dents into the couch cushion. The next morning, she had dashed about her apartment trying to make room for Master Fu, who was on his way over to discuss their next move. Her hair had been loose and still damp from the shower and it had kept falling into her eyes or irritating her by sticking to her skin. So, he’d automatically grabbed a hair tie from her stash in a box by the coffee table and, as she reached up to place something on a shelf- the only moment she’d remained even briefly still- he’d stepped forward and pulled it all into a messy bun atop her head for her.

By the time Nino had pointed out what he had been doing, Marinette had stopped reacting as if it were strange. And now…now she was treating it as if it was her normal, everyday experience. She was choosing to sit beside him now when she had plenty of options to give herself space. She would place a hand on his shoulder as an act of comfort if the conversation switched to his mother being alive here. She was acting as if he had always been here in her reality, and she had gotten used to his presence over the years he way he had with her. It gave him a warm, comfortable glow in his chest that helped ease the worry over getting home.

“Our main priority should be to retrieve Duusu and her miraculous at all costs,” Jade Turtle said, moving forward to stand beside where Chat was crouched on the rooftop, “We should not wake the man if we can help it.”

Chat Noir rolled his eyes for the second time in the past fifteen minutes and caught the indignant glare Carapace shot him from his peripheral at the same time Marinette made a scolding hmm in his ear. He quickly glanced back at his baton and zoomed in on the window again.

“We might not be able to help waking me up,” he said sheepishly, determined to remind the old man that he was the same person and not some unimportant bystander, despite the touch of shame the others had sparked in him, “But I have some ideas on hiding places in the mansion. Just in case my father or mom know they have a magical artefact, and have it locked away somewhere.”

“Chat, it looks like the kwami is getting tired,” Marinette’s voice mumbled in his ear, “It’s getting slower and it’s sort of swaying instead of circling. Almost like it’s drunk or something.”

“Yeah,” he agreed, switching to address the others without looking away, “Mari thinks Duusu’s tired or she’s overdone it or something. Look.”

True to Marinette’s word, the little peacock was floating back and forth in a curved line in the air, descending slowly as she did like a feather falling without a breeze to throw her off course. As they all watched through the zoom feature on their various devices, she landed softly on the alternate Adrien’s chest and closed her eyes lazily, a small smile on her face.

“Okay,” Carapace said, a leadership quality falling over the timber of his voice suddenly, “Everyone remember their jobs?” The other two nodded their heads and readied themselves to parkour from the rooftop at any moment. “Then let’s go!”

 The other Adrien didn’t wake any sooner than he had expected to, despite the mission happening around him.

Will Write For Coffee

[goldenhemmings]

Rivals (Part Three)

Welcome to the third and final part of Rivals. I’ve enjoyed writing it, hope you’ve enjoyed reading it. You can find parts one and two in my masterlist, which I’ve linked here. i don’t know why I insisted on making this so long, so grab a snack or something for the journey. Idk. Enjoy friends.

It was the day of the Robinson-Clark debate, and to say the entire office was simply “nervous” would be an understatement. You had taken the liberty of making a list of talking points and responses for Mr. Clark, and made one copy for every single member of the staff that would be at the debate, so that if Clark were to lose his, the closest staff member would have one on him.

Despite your preparedness, you were stressing more than usual, as you hadn’t been able to get Clark face to face for more than a few minutes in the past few days. You had so much you needed to go over and so many things you needed to check in with him about, but he had been so unavailable. He was a busy man, and of course you knew this, but you felt like you were being prevented from doing your complete job without him there for you to work with. There were so many things you’d needed to prepare him for in person but had had to settle for putting in an email due to his lack of availability. For this reason, you were perhaps more strung out over the debate than the average Clark staffer.

The debate was scheduled for seven in the evening, and you were planning on heading to the event center around four. Clark and Thomas would be there all day, but you had work to finish before arriving, including securing several post-debate interviews for Clark to further discuss his arguments. The election was three days after the debate, so it felt like everything was happening faster than you could keep up with.

You arrived at work around eight in the morning completely ready for the day. You adjusted your olive green dress as you settled in at your desk, crossing one leg over the other as your high-heel clad feet tapped with anticipation. Just as you logged onto your computer, ready to get to work, your office phone rang. You reached to your left to pick up the call, reclining in your chair.

“This is Y/N,” you answered, giving your typical professional greeting.

“Hey, sweetheart.” You rolled your eyes. Shawn. You could practically hear his smirk through the phone.

“How did you get this number?” you asked, already exasperated. This was the last thing you needed, especially today.

Shawn chuckled. “It’s not rocket science to call the main line and ask to be transferred to your office.”

You frowned. Typically the receptionist would pop her head in and tell you that she was about to transfer someone onto your line. “Do you actually need something? I have a huge pile of work I need to get done before the debate and I can’t--”

“Relax, sweetheart, just wanted to check in. Hoping to make hearing your voice a part of my daily routine.” His voice got low, and while that would normally make your stomach flutter, you were not in the mood for Shawn’s antics today.

“You’d better not make bothering me at work a daily thing.”

“Let’s not forget that you bothered me at work first,” he laughed, and you couldn’t help but smile yourself. “Ready for the debate tonight?”

“As I’ll ever be,” you answered, torn between needing to hang up and wanting to stay on the line with him. “Clark is ready, and of course his arguments are superior to Robinson’s. But if I’m being honest, he’s been really unavailable lately and it’s making me nervous. I just hope he’s had time to review the important points he needs to get across.”

Shawn giggled. “We’ll see whose arguments are actually superior. Does it make you even more nervous that I’ve yet to retaliate for that horrendous advertisement you released?”

“You act as though I was the only person who had anything to do with that commercial. And if you’re wanting to retaliate, you’d better make it quick. Wait too long and I’ll start to think you don’t actually have anything up your sleeve.”

“You can think that all you want,” Shawn replied, the typical arrogance ever-present in his tone. “It’ll just leave you that much more shocked when I do stage my comeback.”

You laughed. “I look forward to seeing what you could have possibly gathered on my perfect candidate!”

“I guess you’ll just have to wait and see,” he countered, and you could hear the amusement in his voice. You scoffed.

“Well, Shawn, I actually have more important things to do today than talk to you on the phone. You’ll just have to wait until the debate to bother me.”

He giggled, and your smile grew. You were thankful he wasn’t there to see it. “Looking forward to it. See you tonight, sweetheart.” You hung up without another word, your anxiety about the debate only growing higher.

When you finally arrived at the event center, you made a beeline for the backstage area where you were sure Clark would be. You had your folder of all the important papers you needed, and you were ready; you just hoped Clark would be. And right on cue, there was Shawn calling after you as soon as you caught his eye.

“There you are sweetheart! Was wondering when you’d show,” he smirked, but you ignored him and just kept going. He ran to catch up to you, a lock of his hair falling in his face. He looked like a dream in his all-black suit, and you knew you’d allow yourself to be distracted by him if you stopped for even a second.

You didn’t stop walking, so Shawn fell in step alongside you as he started talking. “I realize that you’ve just been so busy working on the campaign that you haven’t had much time to check in face-to-face with Mr. Clark. So, because I’m a gentleman, I took the liberty of checking in on him for you. As it turns out, Mr. Clark has been having a little bit of fun while his wife and son have been campaigning for him in the next town over. Although, it won’t seem like fun anymore once I let it slip to Dr. Robinson.”

“What are you talking about?” you snapped, already fed up, the click-clack of your heels ceasing as you turned to look at Shawn. “If you could just let me do my job for once in your life--”

“Believe me,” Shawn said, cutting you off, “This is worth stopping for.” He flashed you a blurry photograph zoomed in on a side window, clearly depicting your candidate and some blonde woman you didn’t recognize getting hot and heavy on his kitchen table. You felt your blood run cold and saw everything you had been working so hard for turn to dust before your eyes.

“W-What? How did you even find his house? I--” you stuttered, unable to think of what to say as Shawn interrupted you. It finally all made sense; Clark’s unavailability, his lack of focus, and why he’d been away at “meetings” so frequently.

“I’m good like that,” Shawn said, looking down at you with a mischievous glint in his eye. “This is how I retaliate. It proves that your candidate is totally unfit for office. This will ruin him.” He said the last part more to himself than to you, and this sent you over the edge. Fuming, you lunged for the photograph, but Shawn reflexively swiped it out of your reach. “Oh don’t be mad, Y/N. Everything can’t always go your way.” He stared back at you, his trademark smug grin plastered on his perfect mouth. You felt frustrated tears sting your eyes as you turned your back to him and stared at the ceiling. You wanted to keep your cool, but the stress from the entire week had made you too strung out by this point. You took a shaky breath and whirled back around to face him, desperate.

“What do I have to do to keep you from giving that to her?” you ask, exasperation evident in your tone. Shawn just chuckled quietly, mocking you with every breath he took. He turned on his heel to walk away, but you were not finished. You had not put in months of tireless, thankless work for it to be sabotaged by someone who you should have the upper hand on. You sprang after him, grabbing him by the shoulders and forcefully spinning him around to face you so that your faces were mere inches apart. Hands still firmly placed on his upper arms, you stared into his brown eyes, suddenly wide. He clearly was not expecting this out-of-character reaction from you and you couldn’t decide if he appeared amused or bewildered. Nevertheless, you pressed him further. “Shawn, I am dead serious. I will do anything, anything, to keep that photograph out of Robinson’s hands. Please. What can I do?”

“You could have dinner with me.”

“What?” You released his arms, laughing and taking a step backwards but maintaining eye contact. You cleared your throat. “You can’t be serious.”

“I am dead serious,” he replied, mocking you yet again, that signature air of cockiness returning to his voice. “Look, I realize my antics make you crazy, but I do like you Y/N. Honestly.”

You stared at him in bemused astonishment, letting out a hot breath of air. “You’re really still on this? I cannot believe that is your condition. You’d really throw away a guaranteed victory for a stupid dinner date?” He immediately shrugged his shoulders and turned to walk away again, but you called after him. You sighed, in utter disbelief that you were actually about to agree to this. “You know what? Fine. If that’s what it takes to keep that photograph hidden...then so be it.”

Shawn smiled. “Name a time and place, sweetheart.”

“I’ll worry about the details later. Now, give me the picture; I have an election to run.”

“We have an election to run,” Shawn corrected, handing over the photograph as he spoke.

“Oh, shut up,” you countered, rolling your eyes and heading towards the stage as Shawn matched your stride.

He nudged your shoulder, teasing, “Make me.” You let out a huff of air and glared at him, turning left towards backstage as Shawn laughed behind you. Much to your dismay, you couldn’t help but feel the tiniest bit of a smile.

            ----------------------------------------------

To say the debate was disastrous would be putting it gently. You stood in the wings of the stage with Shawn, but you were stone cold while Shawn could barely contain his excitement. Clark was stumbling all over the place. You knew he had intelligent answers and arguments for everything, but his mind was clearly somewhere else. He’d not prepared adequately and it showed. Dr. Robinson, on the other hand, was outperforming him in leaps and bounds. Any time Clark so much as opened his mouth, Robinson was able to shut him down. Thomas was already hiding in a back room, deciding it was less painful to not know what was happening than to have to listen to Clark’s adding fuel to the flames that were consuming his entire campaign effort. The audience was eating Robinson’s words up, and you were sure that every television in the area was tuned in to watch Clark choke on his words.

You felt paralyzed. You could see all of your hard work being destroyed, and it didn’t help that Shawn was standing right next to you letting out a little “yes!” or “perfect” every time Robinson had a good answer--which was every time. Your work the next two days would be nonstop damage control, but deep down you knew that there was nothing that could help Clark recover from this. It had all fallen apart. It was over.

Eventually, Shawn’s excitement got to be too much for you. You huffed and turned away, set on joining Thomas wherever he was hiding. You couldn’t bear to watch the debate for another second. Just as you started to storm away, your hand was being pulled back. You whipped your head around, furious, to face Shawn staring back at you.

“Where’re you going?” he asked, clearly gloating over his candidate’s performance. “Can’t take the heat?”

“God, Shawn, you are such an asshole!” you hissed, snapping your hand out of his grasp. “I’m glad this is so funny to you. My one shot at getting my foot in the door of this industry just went up in flames. Have some fucking empathy.” He stared back at you, eyes wide and mouth slightly parted, clearly not expecting that reaction. You stood there glaring at him for a few seconds and then turned back around, stalking off to find somewhere to be alone with your thoughts. You knew Clark would be looking for you as soon as he got off stage, but you didn’t care. He deserved to be left hanging. While everyone had been working tirelessly on his campaign, he had been putting off his work to have an affair with some stupid gold-digger. He didn’t deserve an ounce of sympathy or another second of your time.

            -----------------------------------------------

The inevitable happened. You knew it would after the debate, but it didn’t mean it hurt any less to officially hear that Robinson had come out on top. It had been three days since Clark lost the election, and you had yet to leave your apartment. You’d been fighting the urge to drink off the loss, but after turning the television on around 6 in the evening to see station after station airing coverage of his concession speech, you could no longer resist. You skulked over to your kitchen, standing on your tiptoes to reach the high cabinet where you kept your small supply of liquor, all of which you’d only bought for small parties held at your apartment. You opted for the fruit-flavored vodka, not even bothering to get a glass as you spun the cap off and took a lengthy swig, unbothered by the burn you felt as it ran down your throat. You slowly slid down the cabinets until you hit the floor, leaning your head back and shutting your eyes.

You were done trying to fight the tears; you had poured your heart and soul into this election, desperate to have a victory under your belt at such a young age. It would undoubtedly have opened up a world of opportunity for you, but now you were back to square one. You took another long chug from the bottle, already beginning to feel its effects slowly sink in and your mind start to finally relax. You were just about to raise it to your lips a third time when you heard your phone ring from the sofa in the living room. You reluctantly stood up and shakily walked around the counter to get to it, only to find it was an unknown number. You picked it up anyways and took a deep breath before answering, “This is Y/N.” You immediately rolled your eyes at the professionalism that had been drilled into you while working on the campaign.

“Hi, sweetheart,” said a familiar voice, and you ran your hand over your face in frustration. Shawn was the last thing you wanted to deal with right now.

“How did you get my number?” you replied bleakly, walking back into the kitchen and towards your trusty bottle, taking another long sip.

“I’m good like that, remember?” Your skin would usually be crawling with anger by now, but you just didn’t have the energy anymore.

“God, you’re a creep.”

“Easy, sweetheart, I’m kidding,” he laughed. “You gave it to me at the debate, remember? I’ve missed hearing from you, it’s been a few days.”

You sighed. The debate and the election were a repressed memory by this point. “What do you want, Shawn?” you asked, but it came out more like a statement than a question.

“You still owe me dinner.”

You laughed, low and emotionlessly. “I’m sure this comes as a surprise to you, but I’m not in the mood for dinner with you now or ever. Go ahead, send that picture to every news outlet in the universe. We already lost.” You said the last part quietly, and hearing yourself say it began a brand new wave of tears. You were sure Shawn could hear you crying through the phone, but you didn’t care. You deserved one night to feel sorry for yourself and give in to how defeated you felt.

“Oh, sweetheart,” Shawn said from the other line, but it wasn’t said in the sarcastic way it usually was. His tone was completely different--soft, even. “I didn’t--Fuck. I’m so sorry, Y/N.” And you knew he meant it. Despite the constant feuding, you and Shawn had one thing in common: How much you each cared about your job. He knew this had to be killing you, and he suddenly felt like the biggest asshole in the world for pestering you.

“What do you have to be sorry for?” you slurred, tears streaming down your face. “You got everything you wanted.”

“No, I--Fuck, Y/N. Is there something I can do? Can I please just--God, I’m so sorry. Can I bring you dinner?” You opened your mouth to protest, but he continued before you could say anything. “I swear I won’t even stay, I’ll just drop it off and then leave. Please, it’s the least I could do.”

Perhaps it was the sudden realization that you had eaten nothing but frozen meals for the past few days or maybe the slight intoxication, but you found yourself actually giving Shawn your address and agreeing to his request. He promised to be over within the hour, and you hung up the phone, bringing the vodka over to the couch with you. You curled up under a blanket, the big t-shirt and pajama pants you’d been in all day not providing much warmth in your cold apartment.

You weren’t sure how much time had passed when you eventually went to buzz Shawn in, quickly hearing a subsequent knock on your door. Keeping the blanket wrapped around your shoulders, you wiped away your tears and took a deep breath, going over to the door to let Shawn in. You didn’t know why, but opening the door to see him standing there with a bag of takeout in his hands and a look of the most genuine sympathy on his face made tears prick your eyes once more. He stepped inside your apartment, set the food gently on the floor, and without even thinking you were completely enveloped in his arms. You cried as you buried your face into his hoodie, and it felt good to not be alone.

Shawn just let you cry, running his hand soothingly up and down your back, and after what felt like an eternity he pulled you away. He placed his hands on either side of your face, using his thumbs to wipe your tears. “C’mon, let’s get you settled so you can eat.” You nodded, wiping your face dry with the back of your hand and walking over to your couch as Shawn followed with the food. You were drunk and pathetic, but for some reason his presence made you feel better. Perhaps it was the fact that you’d been completely alone for the past three days. You could see Shawn’s face completely fall when he noticed the vodka on your coffee table, but as soon as the look came it was gone. You were silently thankful he hadn’t said anything. You hardly ever drank, and you were already ashamed that you had tonight.

Shawn sat on your couch, bending one leg up and pulling the food out of the bag. He gestured for you to join him, and you laughed despite the circumstances. “I thought you said you weren’t going to stay.”

His face went cold, realizing he had overstepped, and he was suddenly off the couch and setting the food back down. “You’re right, I’m sorry. I’ll just--”

“No,” you smiled meekly, grabbing hold of one of his hands. “I’m kidding. I want you to stay.”

Shawn breathed a sigh of relief and smiled as he resumed his original spot on the couch, pulling you down between his legs so that your back was flush against his sturdy chest. You pulled the blanket off of your shoulders, adjusting it so that it was draped over your legs. He handed you the takeout silently, and you popped the lid off and began to eat. The whole situation felt strangely intimate considering the state of your acquaintance, but you were thankful for his company. His reaction to your sadness had been a pleasant surprise; already you could feel the dark cloud beginning to float away.

After a few minutes of comfortable silence, you eating as Shawn absentmindedly trailed his fingertips along your arm, he cleared his throat. “Um, Y/N...I’m really sorry for how I acted at the debate. I was inconsiderate and selfish. And I, um...I want you to know that the way the election turned out is not a reflection of you. Clark would have been doomed from the beginning without you, and I’m sure I could find a place for you in Robinson’s office and--”

“I don’t need you to come to my rescue, Shawn,” you interrupted, setting the empty plate of food down. “I can take care of myself. I’ll just find another campaign to work on when the next election rolls around.”

“Your skill for this kind of job is not something you should wait to apply. I know you can take care of yourself, I’ve known you were strong from the second you came storming into my office that day, but please let me help you. You don’t deserve to feel like this.”

You turned your body so that you were facing him, while still resting against him. Your chin was tilted up to meet his eyes, and they were cast down to look into yours. “Look at you getting all soft,” you said through a giggle, and he chuckled softly in return.

As the laughter faded out, his eyes never once left yours. “Come work for Robinson,” he coaxed softly. “She’d be lucky to have you, and plus we’d finally be out of that Romeo and Juliet situation we were in before.” This made you laugh, an honest, genuine laugh, and suddenly you’d never wanted anything more than to have an excuse to see Shawn every day.

“I’d call our situation a rivalry. Romeo and Juliet were in love,” you teased, a smile playing at the corner of your mouth.

“Yeah, well,” he sighed, as you rested your head in the crook of his neck and he laid his on top of yours, “Maybe one day.”

Your stomach jumped at the brown-eyed boy’s words and you hummed in content, shutting your eyes and giving into how tired you were. “Might take you up on that,” you mumbled sleepily. You curled into his chest until you were comfortable and breathed in his scent, your exhaustion threatening to take you from consciousness any minute now.

Shawn let out a breath and wrapped his arms around you, and you could tell he was smiling. “Yeah. Let’s not be rivals anymore.”

[deputyrhysiepieces]

Can you please write about Andy where he’s in love with you. But you reject him really rude like who can love you? Or wanna be with you? (You just afraid of relationships). It hurts him and you too. Then someday you see that someone rude with him too but you protect him because he doesn’t deserve it well and because you like him. Happy end. Thanks!

A/N: I hope this was what you were looking for! I had a fun time writing it :)

Working at the Parks department wasn’t the most exciting job in the world. (Unless you’re Leslie Knope.) But for Y/N a lot of stress was alleviated when Leslie was hired. She didn’t mind doing practically everything, leaving Y/N and the team to just follow her lead. Her team was family to her, one that kept getting bigger with the ones she met along the way. Even though she knew she would always have their support, she couldn’t let herself bother them with the details of the horrific breakup she just went through.

“I’m not even that broken up over it.” Y/N rolled her eyes, waving a tissue in the air as the camera zoomed in on her tear stained cheeks. “He was a jerk- No, I’m not upset at all. Why do you ask?”

...

Only Ron knew after they bonded over alcohol and bitching about their failed relationships.

“Yeah, Ron and I shared a drink after he threatened to shoot me if I didn’t stop cry- talking about my breakup.” Tom comes in her office, stealing most of her paper out of the printer.

“Hey! Need to borrow some of this. All of it. I need all of it.”

Y/N waved him off, blowing her nose once more. Tom’s eyes widened as he leaned to the side to get a better look at her face. Once he made eye contact with the camera, the lens shook back and forth.

“Thanks!”

“Anyways, as I was saying I’m perfectly fine-” Tom glided back into the room, awkwardly finger gunning.

“Hey, completely forgot, printer’s out of ink. I can use yours, right?”

“Actually-”

“Cool! Thanks.”

Y/N turned back to the camera, staring directly into the lens with the anger of a thousand suns.

“Uhh, So…” Tom’s eyes awkwardly looked around the room for something discussion worthy. “How’s your boyfriend doing?”

Sobbing was heard on camera as it zoomed out of Tom’s face to see Y/N crying.

“Uh-”

“GET OUT!”

….

It had been about three weeks since the breakup and the hole in her heart got bigger every time she thought about it.

Andy comes around every now and then to cheer her up, but it never works.

“Hey Y/N, how’s it going?” he asks sincerely, with a cute smile.

All he hears is a huff come from her, as he hands her a CD of his band named Mouse Rat. “Maybe this will make you feel better, you’re lucky cause it’s free just for you, my cute lady friend.” He expects her to crack even a little bit of a smile and thank him, but she just stares at him blankly. He starts walking backwards, holding eye contact, his smile never deteriorating. He runs into a table awkwardly, shrugging it off he finally turns around and walks away.

“That went well, that’s the most noise she’s ever made around me in three weeks” Andy says into the camera lens with a goofy smile.  The camera cuts to Y/N throwing the cd into the trash can.

…

“Hey, Y/N!” Y/N turns to see Andy running to catch up with her, knocking many people out of his way to do so. Once he reaches her he doubles over, hands on his knees. “Man you walk really fast.”

“Or I was just really far ahead of you.” Andy waves her off.

“Same thing. Anyway, Mouse Rat is playing tonight … and I was wondering if you wanna come? Like with me, to the concert… that’s tonight.” He smiled through his words, aggravating her.

“I’m busy.” She lied. Andy’s smile faded.

“Oh. Really? Cause I was kinda wondering if you’d want to go with me. Like, with me. With me.”

When all she did was narrow her eyes, he muttered under his breath. “God, you look so sexy when you’re mad.”

As she heard this she felt a burst of warmth in her chest, something she hasn’t felt in a long time. Deciding she couldn’t go through a breakup again, she decided not to get his hopes up.

“Why would I want to do that?” She felt a pang in her chest when his eyes widened and he started stuttering. The guilt she felt made her even more angry. “Tell me, Andy, Why would I want to go with you?”

“I-I don’t know I just- I thought you could use something to cheer you up- cause you seemed kinda down lately and I like you-like, a lot-but-but-anyway bye!” He ran as fast as he could away from her, his large frame knocking many people over in the process. The tears in his eyes made her feel immediately guilty, swallowing any anger left inside her.

The thing was she’d be extremely lucky to be with Andy. He wasn’t the brightest, but he had a lot of heart. She knew she had to apologize.

…

The camera cuts to Andy’s red face, eyes swollen with tears.

“No, I have no idea what I did! She’s just mean- and-and a jerk and I don’t wanna date her anymore!”

...

Y/ showed up about 30 minutes late to the bar Andy was playing at after an inner battle of whether or not she should go. She unfortunately ran into Tom, getting a spray of his homemade cologne in her face. After she finished gagging she spotted Andy onstage.

When he made eye contact with her she tried to give him a small smile, but he just looked away. He was obviously refusing to look at her, childishly turning his head in whatever direction she wasn’t. Y/N sighed, taking a seat with Donna.

“I-”

“Nope.” Donna cut her off, not sparing her a glance. “Don’t wanna know.”

“How’d you even-?” Donna looked at her as if she’d grown two heads.

“Your face just screams ‘relationship issues.’ I don’t wanna get involved in that.” She nodded her head towards Andy before getting up to join some people she apparently knew.

In order to cheer herself up she immersed herself in the music, making time fly by. Soon Andy joined some old buddies at the bar. They all clapped him on the back, flashing him fake smiles as they suggested he pay for everyone’s drink.

Y/N furrowed her eyebrows. They had to have known Andy didn’t have a lot of money, he just got out of living in a pit. She frowned when Andy looked uncertain, but he was too kind to refuse.

“I was actually saving this to buy a house-”

“C’mon, Andy! We’re your friends. Don’t forget you have them Mr. Rockstar.”

“Y’know what, okay. I mean you guys probably need it more anyways-”

That’s all Y/N had to hear before making her way over to them, snatching Andy’s money and stuffing it back in his pocket.

“Andy, no.” She scolded softly before turning to give his ‘friends’ a murderous glare. “If I see any of you dickholes around him again, the only drink you’ll get is your own blood as you choke on it.”

They quickly dispersed, leaving the two alone. Andy snapped out of his little starstruck gazing and settled his hands on his hips, attempting to look tough.

“I don’t appreciate you threatening my friends ma’am. Unlike some people I know, heh, you, they actually care about me.”

“They’re not your friends, Andy. And they don’t care about you.”

“Well, neither do you.” She tried to pull his hands away from his hips so she could hold them in hers. He struggled to pull his hands away, instead crossing his arms.

“I’m sorry for what I said this morning.”

“...Go on.”

“It’s just… I just went through a bad breakup recently and even though I’ve pretended that it didn’t bother me, I guess it kinda did. And by ‘kinda’ I mean it tore me apart and crippled my soul.”

Andy’s eyes softened, arms immediately pulling her into a bear hug.

“I could tell something was wrong, you were really moody. And you’re really bad at hiding things.”

“Okay, now” She smiled and wrapped her arms around him back. “Forgive me?

“Of course! Only if you forgive me for not being a better friend/ future boyfriend by knowing you, uh, actually had a boyfriend.”

“Pfft, what boyfriend?” Y/N grinned.

“The one who you just said you had a horrible break up wi-”

“No, no, Andy, I was being sarcastic. Nevermind. Let’s just have that date now.”

“Oh! Before that, I have to sing one more song.” He turned to his band excitedly. “Get your equipment out of the boxes, boys!”

“Wait one more song?

“Yeah! I just wrote it. In my head. Right now.” He ran towards the stage  getting everyone’s attention. “Hello, hello, everybody! We have one more song tonight, called Y/N. Dedicated to my girlfriend, cause we just got together.”

Y/N melted a bit, a wide smile spreading across her face. Her face screwed up a bit throughout the song, questionable lyrics making her laugh

“Your boyfriend was a prick, but no I won’t be like that, I’ll treat you good with my dick”

“OKAY ANDY TIME TO GO!”