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morifinwes · 3 years

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wangxian fic rec list!

aka in which i read fics, write some recs down for aamna and share them!! they're all wangxian fics and uhh @yibobibo i hope you'll like them!!

modern

wolf devours playboy bunny by @greenteafiend (5K, werewolf!lwj, getting together, idk if anyone needs to know that but there's nudity just not uhh explicit)

Lan Zhan has wanted Wei Ying as long as he has known him, and the worst part is that he thinks Wei Ying could want him back.

Too bad he could never in good conscience let himself go there—Wei Ying has a debilitating fear of all things canine, and once a month, Lan Zhan is the exact, precise thing that Wei Ying’s nightmares are made of.

Aka, Lan Zhan is a werewolf.

between the lines by @jywait (19K gaming au!!!, i'm always down for a good gaming au, lwj is the best aksks he's such a good boy)

☆yilingpatriarch☆: pls...give me some face, help me fight these monsters...I'm gonna die

Bluetooth: no.

"You have died." The screen said, and Wei Wuxian threw his hands up in frustration.

resonant frequencies by chinxe (15K, college au, fake dating au, tw mention of cheating but it's brief and no one was cheated on i promise)

In which Wei Wuxian decides that the best way to deal with being in love with Lan Wangji is to pretend to date him for three weeks.

It goes about as well as can be expected.

drift compatible by windoworwhatever (5K, poetry, fluff, drunkji, getting together, college au)

"It was just a fact of life. The sky was blue, university stipends for graduate students working in TA positions barely covered rent, bisexuals cuffed their jeans, Lan Wangji had a massive crush on Wei Wuxian, and spent his time pining and writing research papers about gay subtexts in ancient poetry."

Lan Wangji is in love with Wei Wuxian, and everybody knows, except Wei Wuxian.

the bunny next door by detailsinthefabric (43K, this is mostly fluff and very light angst, and they were neighbors!!!, rabbits!!, aka wangxian's bunny children, this is... so cute i just have to rec it)

Lan Wangji did not know what he was doing. He did not know what he was going to say. He was frozen in place, puzzling over the situation. Maybe he had made the man uncomfortable, which is why he wanted to leave? But his tone had still been so friendly—maybe…

“Would…” he paused, swallowed, forced the last words to come out of his suddenly parched mouth, “would you let me pet him?”

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Lan Wangji, who doesn't know how to socialize and whose icy demeanor scares everyone away, lets down all his defenses when he meets the bunny next door...oh, and also its owner, Wei Wuxian.

leading tone by silencemostofall (32K, everyone is a music student? or something like that akskk, curse fic, tw panic attacks, tw child abuse, small scene of drunkji, wwx has low self esteem, bro this was so painful to read)

The first time you touch someone you're fated to love, you leave a mark on their skin. If they will love you in return, they'll mark you where you touched them. The deeper the color, the deeper the connection.

Wei Ying has no marks at all.

public places, private thoughts by leahelisabeth (for the love of camelot) ( 8K, cherry magic au, getting together with like... immediate upgrade to fiance status, the author is wrong i crave good wangxian cherry magic aus even tho i haven't even watched cherry magic)

Wei Wuxian had heard the story of course. It had made its rounds through his high school and followed him into his college days. He didn’t think there was any possibility it was true. Virginity was a social construct, invented by creepy old men to exercise dominance over women. The idea that a simple lack of sexual activity before the age of thirty could give one magical powers was absolutely ludicrous.

Wei Wuxian believed this until the morning of his thirtieth birthday.

AKA the Wangxian Cherry Magic AU that absolutely nobody asked for.

i'd be all right (if i could see you) by @thirtysixsavefiles (16K, this was nice, i read this at 6am but it was cute, (while writing this post i must admit i don't remember anything but 6am-me said it's good))

The younger Lan brother is something of an enigma on campus; while Lan Xichen can sometimes be seen in the company of other graduate students or conducting a seminar, Lan Wangji appears to spend all his time in class or in the library. He doesn’t drink. He doesn’t smoke. He doesn’t attend social events. He doesn’t do anything for fun, as far as Wei Wuxian can tell, and it’s driving Wei Wuxian just a little bit up the wall.

Or, Wei Wuxian convinces Lan Wangji to come to a house party, and then they're assigned to the same group project. Wei Wuxian tries his best, but he is not in possession of all the facts.

axe on leg by itszero (4K, i still don't get why wwx did that but it was nice seeing him jealous for once, jealous!wwx, lwj i love you....)

Wei Wuxian pressed his face into his pillow and screamed. He paused to take a few deep breaths, partially hindered by the pillow, and listened to the sounds of Nie Huaisang slurping his iced coffee, from his seat on Wei Wuxian's desk chair.

Having caught his breath, he resumed his screaming and did not stop at the sound of his dorm room door opening.

"What's wrong with him?" He heard his brother, Jiang Cheng, ask.

The slurping stopped. "He's an idiot."

"He's always been an idiot. Why is he bothered about it now?"

"He forced Lan Wangji to go on a date," Nie Huaisang replied, shaking the ice cubes in his drink.

"Okay and…?"

"With someone else." The slurping resumed.

Wei Wuxian, in all his glorious dumbassery, convinces his boyfriend to go on a date with someone else.

these two most powerful by @stiltonbasket (4K, amnesia, wangxian with children!!!, aksksk this was adorable, dadji!!)

When Lan Wangji went to bed last night, he was alone in a tiny guest room with nothing but the howling of the wind in the mountains and his own lonely thoughts for company.

But when he opened his eyes in the morning, Wei Ying was asleep beside him.

(In which Lan Wangji loses twenty years' worth of memories after a night-hunt gone wrong, and his life as a doting father and husband continues without a hitch somehow.)

good things come to those who wait [but i ain't in a patient phase] by @cerlunas (4K, getting together, pining lwj)

Lan Wangji can't take it anymore.

“I love you”, he says, and god, it feels terrifying. “I’ve been in love with you for a long time.”

“Lan Zhan…” Wei Wuxian starts, but Lan Wangji doesn’t want to hear it.

He grabs his cup and drinks everything. He doesn’t know what face Wei Wuxian is making at him right now, and it’s okay.

“Lan Zhan!” Wei Wuxian repeats louder, but it’s too late. He is already falling asleep.

Or, even after 13 years, Lan Wangji is still in love with his best friend. Maybe it's time to open up.

wei ying, will you marry m- oh my god he swallowed the ring! by selene210 (2K, marriage proposals, crack, marriage proposals but.. they go wrong)

“A ring?”

And indeed it was. The ring Lan Wangji was going to propose to Wei Ying with. That the man had now choked on.

“You swallowed it.”

“It was in my soufflé! Why did you put a ring in my soufflé Lan Zhan- oh. oh”

of glittery valentine's cards by @soft-fics (3K, valentine's day, this was adorable aksk, a-yuan best boy!!)

Lan Zhan didn't want to know what his best friend had planned for Valentine's Day; his heart would simply not be able to handle it. When his son tells him that he made Wei Ying a Valentine's Day card, though, Lan Zhan decided to bring it over anyway.

of coffee and white tea by @soft-fics (9K, fluff, lwj doesn't like coffee, wwx buys him coffee, then they switch drinks, again and again and again, the staff ships it lmao, tbh jc shouldn't have done that like wtf)

For the fourth time this week a stranger orders him a cup of coffee. Lan Wangji wonders how exactly to tell this man to stop ordering him coffee he doesn't even like. Turns out, buying the other white tea and switching drinks is not the best way to go about it

canon setting

on the importance of restraint (or lack thereof) by nixthothou (4K, in which sizhui snaps, i love that boy, no like seriously he's the best boy)

Lan Sizhui does not usually find himself in the company of Sect Leader Jiang.

Suffice to say, Lan Sizhui's feelings toward him are conflicted.

lan wangji is wei wuxian's baby by lilycs (3K, i was craving fluff while reading this, lwj my beloved, drunk!lwj)

Lan Wangji gets drunk from barely a cup of alcohol, becoming a whiny baby and asking his husband for cuddles.

one of our own by glitteringmoonlight (8K, wei wuxian & lan sect, 5+1 things, in which they learn to love him, they're all part of the wwx protection squad lead by lwj, wangxian isn't the focus but !!! THIS)

Times change, but some people remain the same.

The Lans are nothing, if not aware of this.

For one of their own, they will stand against the world.

Or, 5 times the Lans defended Wei Wuxian, and the 1 time he was there to see it happen.

so why not crack your skull when the mind swells by @greenteafiend (13K, love curse, post cql canon, curses, getting together, fluff, so much fluff, lwj tries to talk about his emotions!, lwj pov)

Lan Wangji detects the curse trying to curl through his heart meridians like smoke. A love curse, then. It must have been cast remotely somehow to have found him in his bed in Cloud Recesses. No matter. Lan Wangji crushes it easily, enveloping it in his spiritual energy, and then squeezing. Curse averted, Lan Wangji closes his eyes and goes back to sleep. He thinks no more of it.

Two days later, Wei Wuxian arrives in Cloud Recesses.

Or, Wei Wuxian is cursed to feel terrible pain when he and Lan Wangji aren’t touching.

i started from the bottom / now i'm rich by x_los (57K, time travel, fix it, jealous lwj, crack treated serious, god this is so good tho, wwx/wrh & wwx/jgs but like as a joke and it doesn't really happen, but it has its purpose!!)

“First, you get the money. Then you get the power, respect - hos come last.”

Wen Qing traps Wei Wuxian in the Demon Slaughtering Cave, but Wei Wuxian isn’t interested in being the beneficiary of the Wen Remnants’ noble sacrifice. His efforts to free himself accidentally send him back to the beginning of the Sunshot Campaign. Coreless but armed with demonic cultivation, knowledge of the future and his wits, Wei Wuxian takes advantage of this opportunity to come out on top of both the war and its aftermath—before either has a chance to happen—by marrying and swiftly burying the cultivation world’s worst men.

Lan Wangji is confused, hurt, and uncomfortably aroused by Wei Wuxian’s improbably elaborate series of Sect-themed bridal negligees.

lead me on through by mrsronweasley (55K, they're in love your honor, arranged marriage but they don't know to whom, basically wwx & lwj want to practice kissing which then goes beyond kissing but not the whole way y'know, lxc the best wingman tho)

"Who do you think your betrothed is?" Wei Wuxian asks, sprawling out in front of Lan Zhan and enjoying the prim thinning of his lips at the question. He shouldn't be sprawling—they're in the library, for one, and Lan Zhan is studying, for another—but he can't help himself. Wei Wuxian is a sprawler.

"I do not believe this to be of importance," Lan Zhan responds, without turning his gaze away from his book.

"What!" Wei Wuxian sits up. "How can you say that? Of course it's important! This is the person you'll be with for the rest of your life, Lan Zhan."

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morethanwords0475 · 2 years

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April TC Challenge!

It was so nice reading everyone's answers for this challenge! Thank you guys so much 🥺

Day 1: Happy April Fool’s! Have you ever pranked your TC; if so, how did they react?

I’ve never done it myself but we have as a class, someone once suggested that we stay absolutely silent during T’s lesson. He made us discuss in pairs and we all started writing on paper, typing on computers, using made-up sign language, etc. T got a bit frustrated and said he’d make us write an essay if we continued, which scared me because I hate seeing him upset. We got a bit scared as well and eventually all broke out in laughter (we didn't even last 10 minutes lmao), he lightened up again and said he initially wondered what he did to make us mad at him, which I thought was adorable.

Day 2: What is the earliest thing you can remember about your TC?

The first thing I remember is seeing his name on my friend’s timetable on the first day of the year he came to our school, and not knowing how to pronounce it because I’d never seen it before. I really can’t remember my first impression of him as a person, though, it was years before he started teaching me.

Day 3: Do you like your TC’s subject? Do you consider yourself to be good at it?

I do like English to an extent, I find it fascinating, and I have gotten very good at it, but none of it felt natural if that makes sense? My love for other subjects like science is intuitive and I am naturally good at it, but I had to fight really hard for English because of T.

Although I did get a top-of-the-class grade for a test some time near the end of the year before I got him as a teacher, so maybe I was already kind of decent at it, but let's just say the first half a year of being in love with T was torture because English was so hard for me.

Day 4: How do you feel about your age gap?

Ngl I have had quite a few TCs and my age gap with T is in the middle of that range. As for age gaps in general, yes I do wish we didn’t have this canyon time in between us that I could never cross, and I wish I didn’t feel so immature and like a child compared to my TCs, but it is, naturally, what gives the unique traits of these crushes. Even though I don’t love T because he is older, him being older means he is more sophisticated and wise and moral and has his life together, which I do love. These experiences wouldn’t really be what they are without the age gap, and I’m learning to sort of appreciate that.

Day 5: Have you ever said anything to your TC that showed you favoured them? Have they said anything like that to you?

Umm I guess that time when S was supporting me for an application, I actually originally asked T but he was already supporting someone else, and he later asked me if I found another teacher so I said S. He was like ah and smiled… AND I JOKED THAT S WAS "the second best choice", second to him. It was clearly a joke but I did mean it. As for the other way around, he has said before that I am one of the best in the year so there’s that.

Day 6: Have you ever noticed any small habits that they have? If so, what comes to mind first?

Spinning his pen in his hand while he's working (it’s actually very impressive to watch and very hot), biting the end of his pen, and wrapping his leg around the table leg sometimes when he's sitting on top of one of the empty tables.

Day 7: What gift would you really like to be able to give them, regardless of if it’s realistic or not?

Before I knew he was leaving this year I wanted to give him a collection of poems I had written for him when I graduate, since he has helped me in my poetry writing, but now that can’t happen. I would also love to give him something related to any texts he taught us in English but ik it won’t mean as much to him as it does to me.

Day 8: Does your TC ever talk about what it was like when they were still a student?

Yes, T likes to incorporate his own experiences into his teaching which I absolutely love. He often mentioned not being good at science subjects back in school, which is a bit sad because I like the sciences and I am good at it, but it’s also cute to think that there are things he doesn’t know or can’t do. I also just love being reminded that he is still a real person, with real relationships and real pasts.

Day 9: Does your TC have a significant other? If so, what do you know about them and how do you feel about them?

Okay I might have written this question just to gush about S oops-

T and S really have a beautiful relationship, I love seeing them together (she teaches at our school too btw in case anyone hasn’t heard me gushing about her). S and I basically have the same first name, so I think she was always aware of my existence even though she didn’t teach our class a lot. We got to an actual 'know each other' stage a year ago, since then I would greet her if I see her around school and hope she remembers me. Then there was the application she helped me with some months ago, which really got us closer and she gave me so much support.

S is such an inspiration to me, she is so strong and so kind, and she stands for a lot of the things I believe in. I haven’t seen her in forever since we’re online or talked, I'm afraid I might never see her again :,(

Day 10: What is the longest time you have gone without seeing them?

If online learning doesn’t count as "seeing them", then it would be the online learning period when the pandemic first broke out in 2020. If we don’t go back to school soon, then this will be the longest, which absolutely sucks since it’s so close to T leaving.

Day 11: What do other people usually think about them?

People who have never been taught by him find him a bit scary (as I also did in the past), but his students usually really like him as a teacher and we all recognise how well he teaches - a bit too much that I can get jealous sometimes lol.

Day 12: Do you often make up excuses to speak to them? What kinds of excuses do you like to use?

Lmaoo all the time, it’s usually asking for help on English or the essay he’s mentoring me on or poetry and stuff. Once I even went to him after school to ask for lined paper because he gave us the choice of hand-writing or typing a homework and I wanted to make the point to him that I was hand-writing it like he wanted.

Day 13: Other than the subject they teach, what are they really passionate about?

I think sports and history are the main ones. He also really likes watching films and has somewhat strong political views.

Day 14: What is a skill you really wish your TC had?

PLAYING THE GUITAR it suits his style so well!!! Also I play guitar so I imagine us playing the same song together and-

Day 15: Which MBTI personality do you think they are? (If you don't do MBTI, which Hogwarts House do you think they would be in?)

I get ENTJ vibes based on the break down of the four categories, but some of the general traits attributed to ENTJs don’t fit. Maybe ESTJ.

As for Houses, he said himself that he’s probably a Ravenclaw with some Gryffindor, which was exactly what I had guessed before asking him that question (so proud smh).

Day 16: If you could go back in time and choose, would you still choose to develop feelings for your TC?

Definitely. This journey hasn’t been easy at all (especially now) but it is so rewarding. I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world. I wouldn't even know what I would spend all my waking daylight thinking about if I wasn't in love with T that'd be so boring.

Day 17: If it was the last time you would ever be able to see your TC, what is one thing you would never leave without saying to them?

It feels terrible to answer this when the exact scenario is going to happen in two months… I have been vaguely planning out what I would say to T on the last day (debated over confessing or not), and as of now I just want to tell him how important he is to me and how much I admire him as a teacher, how much he has impacted my life, etc. etc. I need him to know that he matters to me.

It hurts a hundred times worse that all of this is contingent on us being able to return to school before the summer; I might not be able to see him again for the last time.

Day 18: When was the first time you cried because of them?

I must have mentioned before that I first realised he was a TC to me when he took us on a school trip abroad? We returned really late at night and were on the bus back from the airport, I sat quite close to his seat so I could see him, and I cried in the dark knowing that it was all going to be over soon. I still miss that trip to this day :,\

Day 19: How well do you think you know them?

I’m pretty good at remembering things about him and he has told us and revealed to us a lot in the past two and a half years, so I would say I know him quite well. Still not really on a personal level, though.

Day 20: Do you ever lie to them? About what?

We rarely talk about things that would require me to lie to him? Like I’ve never missed any work so I never had to make excuses, and he never questions things that might have been suspicious because of my feelings. The only time I could think of is when he was helping with my poetry writing and I was writing a poem for S - I had to say it was inspired by a TV show because I was using female pronouns lol.

Day 21: What is the longest time you have spent together with them?

That day when we came back from the school trip he took us on - the day after I realised I liked him, I was around him for almost the entire day (12+ hours) and it was so nice ;-;

What I actually had in mind while writing this question though was a year ago today, we were in school and I spent four hours with him to help lead an event for his after school activity. We felt more like equals then and I loved feeling like he trusted and relied on me. How can it be a year already???

Day 22: If you have had other TCs in the past (or right now), how are they similar to or different from your current (or primary) TC?

I have a lot of ex-TCs so I’ll write about my current ones… Obviously there’s S, his wife, and surprisingly they’re actually quite different people? I love hearing about their differences and at the same time being reminded of how in love they are. They do share a common interest in sport (among other things of course) and similar values.

L and K are both quite different to T; L mostly because of the subjects she teaches and her bold, vibrant energy, and K mostly because of his sensitive nature and dramatic personality. T is never as strict or unpredictable as K and K is never as commanding and organised, but their subjects do overlap considerably and T sometimes teaches us terminology I learnt from K.

Day 23: Have you ever seen your TC in clothes they don’t usually wear? Casual clothes if they usually wear formal attire or the other way around?

T always wore suits in school, even in online learning. We had a few non-uniform days in the past when T would dress in casual clothes, and I always loved it because he looked so real - a normal, alive human being just like us. I have also bumped into him outside of school a few times and seen him in his own clothes. On days with sporting events (and, this year, every week on the day he taught us phys ed) he would wear our school's uniforms for phys ed teachers. I especially love seeing him in a particular blue hoodie, it makes him look about ten years younger 🥰

Day 24: When was the last time they made your heart thump?

On Friday when I was waiting for our one-on-one conversations about my progress in English. For some reason, the anticipation is always worse online, it was this way when I was waiting for results, for our meetings about my essay, even for normal English lessons. I was so nervous that time, and, it turned out, rightly so (see last update). But to be honest, any time I see him makes my heart beat.

Day 25: How do you think your TC would react if you confided in them when you felt sad or stressed or anxious?

I wonder about this all the time, especially after I confided in my ex-TC about my bad mental health (almost two years ago now). I am so tempted to find out with T, but whenever I get near that point something about his behaviour makes me think he won't react the way I want him to. Especially now that we are online, it is frustratingly hard. I imagine him being gentle and reassuring me and telling me that he believes in me, that he recognises my hard work and that I have always been good enough :,(

Day 26: What is the best dream you have had of them?

The most intimate dream I had was of T and I sitting side by side on a table, and his arm was surrounding my waist and I was leaning into him. I have also dreamt of holding his hand or him confessing to me (*cringes*). Sometimes it would be quite elaborate, us spending a lot of time together because of a school event or something, and those dreams are also really nice.

Day 27: What is the saddest/scariest dream you have had of them?

I have a lot more of these... Dreaming of him leaving usually hurts the most because I know it will happen soon. The scariest is probably that time when I dreamt that he was kidnapped and was going to die unless we find him in a very short time? The fear of losing him was very real. And then I performed an autopsy on him and held his heart in my hands lmao.

Day 28: Does your TC ever bring you up to other students/teachers that you know of?

Another English teacher told me that T would sometimes show her my essays because they were some of the best in our year group 🥰 There was also when T gave me a really special English award and the teacher who oversaw our year group came to congratulate me, saying T had mentioned it to him and had said that I was one of the best students he had ever taught. I am bawling from that memory.

Day 29: Do you see them as being a romantic person? Are you?

I am a very helpless romantic (as evident in this blog lmao) and I get the feeling that T is quite romantic as well. Not as badly as I am, of course, he is very much realistic and composed and mature, but just in the most everyday details. I feel so sure that he would do small gestures for S, arrange a surprise for her every now and then, value her above most other things, go out of his way to be around her,,

Day 30: How have they changed since you two first met? How have you changed?

I don't remember as much about T from when he first started teaching me, even less from when he first came to the school. In general, I think he has gotten much more comfortable with our class, and he is more assertive as a person and more involved in things within the school. As for me, apart from obviously being two years older and hopefully more mature/less obnoxious, loving T for this long has really led me to take joy in fighting for someone and be even more reliant on academic validation. I am more aware of my feelings because I grapple with them every day, and T has reinforced a lot of the values I held but wasn't as aware of. I've loved this journey so much I cannot believe it is coming to an end soon.

#tc #tc community #teacher crush #male tc #tc challenge #april tc challenge

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trashytakes · 3 years

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Vanilla chai and cinnamon latte?

@just-a-cup-of-anxietea hi! here goes:

1. vanilla chai— do you have any hobbies that your followers don’t know about? or any hobbies that you once had, but stopped doing?

1. ooh, i like this one! i love, love, loveee to write!!! i usually stick to poetry- both personal and fictional- and creative non-fiction. i suppose i ~could~ branch out and write fictional short stories too (i used to, a few years ago, when it was a mandatory course topic in a class i took), but i don't have the patience to do it of my own accord, lmao. i also love listening to music.

as for hobbies i used to have, i used to draw/paint a lot when i was little. i stopped doing it at a certain point due to academic workload. i have a few months before i go off to uni, so i'd love to pick it up again, but because i haven't done it in so long, i'm not at good as i used to be, and i'm terrified it'll turn out bad. ik that's a bad perspective, but my mind doesn't understand that. :/

2. cinnamon latte— would you ever want to dye your hair? if you have before, what color was it and why?

2. i've never dyed my hair, but i really want to! i'm thinking of maybe doing it around my 18th birthday, which is soon. i think i'd wanna die it a 'weird' color. i don't really like natural-looking hair colors (unpopular opinion?? maybe??), because i don't see the point in getting smth that resembles what i already have.

thank you for the ask!!! have a great day/night/whatever!! <3

#and sorry for the essay lol #did i mention i like to write #even when it's stuff like this lol #and i'm so surprised anyone would send me an ask #but it makes me feel so nice and warm and fuzzy #so thank you #k bye <3 #just-a-cup-of-anxietea #send me asks #answered

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mrs-nate-humphrey · 4 years

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here’s a thought: if the show had been less cowardly and went forward with incorporating dan’s bisexuality from the novels into the show’s canon, how and when do you think it should have been done? what kind of storyline would you ideally want for him?

hi!! as you can imagine, i was delighted to receive an ask of this nature, and i started writing an answer for this, and then tumblr randomly shut its tab and ate it (biphobia!) so i’m trying again. uhh the short answer is that there was ample opportunity in canon – this post i made about dan dating everyone in the njbc, while sadly a joke, is based entirely on canon situations & dynamics.

[ more under the cut ]

that post i linked is quite a bit even as is but there are more things in canon that lend themselves to dan being bi which i didn’t think of while making that post, such as:

the thing with chuck, when he was trying to get that story in season 2. it was very fade to black, which means anything could have happened.

dan making nate’s character in inside gay!! like, this was played off as a ‘haha funny’ by everyone, but characters in inside are…. recognisable. blair realised dan loves her for her through an extract from the book. everyone in dan’s life was pissed off with him because they could recognise themselves in the book. why would dan even make nate gay? what purpose does that serve? is it heterosexual to look at your dude best friend and go “damn, i wish he was gay”? nope! (here's a little more on why i choose to interpret it this way, despite the whole nate & eric being one character fusion thing.)

remember that bit in s2 that all of us dairs keep yelling about, where dan gives blair advice on how to seduce chuck? why was blair taking dan’s help on how to get the guy?? what made dan a suitable candidate for this sort of seduction? what made serena – dan’s literal ex gf – suggest dan for this job? this makes so much more sense if he were bi, seriously.

him thinking of nate & serena having sex at the shepard wedding in graphic detail. i made this meme because, lmao, dan, what are you doing! but seriously – that didn’t feel very heterosexual to me, at all. i know the vibe was supposed to be ‘dan comparing himself to nate’ but the vibe was… not that, lmao.

things i would do beyond this / the direction i would get canon to take:

i think dan would know he liked boys as young as like, 13 or 14, but i think he would repress it and keep it to himself and not talk about it. vanessa would have her suspicions, possibly, but she would never bring it up.

i’ve written this in a fic or two before, but i headcanon dan’s first crush on someone in school to be on nate and not on serena. he meets serena at that party in ninth grade, but i’m assuming that he has classes with nate all the time at school, more than with serena simply because of the way constance/ st. jude is divided.

i think dan would have a lot of internalized biphobia to work through. i don’t think he would initially be happy or comfortable with knowing he likes boys, and he would try to ignore it. dan’s already very much a loner, ostracized by his peers, made to feel different and weird, and to him this would be one more thing that sets him apart from his classmates and makes him different from them.

so, given this, i think dan would be afraid of / highly uncomfortable with the possibility of becoming a stereotype. like “of course dan likes men, he likes to read poetry and watch romantic movies” or “of course dan likes men, he’s so well-informed on fashion” – i think dan would find that sort of thing uncomfortable and reductive, but in true dan humphrey fashion, i think he would be judging himself more than anybody else is.

this sounds so cliché, but i think dan having a gay arc in college would be best for him. esp given his popularity at NYU, i think that’d do wonders for his self-confidence in general – knowing that he’s found ‘his people’ and that people like his writing and like him, just for who he is.

he would kiss a boy at some party, and the world wouldn’t end, and the boy would give dan his number, and dan… would still be too shy to call but it’d be a life-changing moment of… oh. i can have relationships with boys and still be dan humphrey. this doesn’t change anything about me. okay.

once he’s had that revelation, of course, it gets a lot easier. i’d want dan to have his first serious boyfriend in college. probably not anybody he knows from high school, someone new – an olivia type of person, basically, but a man.

he could still end up with blair, or get to raise milo with nate – i like both nate & blair as potential romantic endgames for dan. blair gets him in a way that nobody else really does, which is fun to watch on the show and very sweet to envision for dan. at the same time, there’s an easiness to the way he is with nate, like, their friendship is so low-pressure and solid and i think that’d translate nicely into a relationship, despite lack of similar interests.

i would like dan to make queer friends at college! i would love that for him. i’d like him to have friends who drag him into gay bars, i’d like for vanessa to realise she’s bi in college (vanlivia always had better chemistry than danlivia, this is the hill i will die on), i’d like dan to finally get to a point where he’s comfortable enough with his sexuality that even if randoms go “of course he likes men, he likes poetry and he likes fashion” he’d just be like, “fuck off, i like men because i like men, not because of the other things,” and he would… not care what people said, basically.

there’s probably more, but this is all i have for now! bonus: here’s a margottenenbaum S3 au fic where instead of serena who has the affair with tripp, it’s dan who does that? it’s a really interesting fic – the dynamic is so different, and it’s in tripp pov, which is kind of a rarity, at least, from what i’ve seen.

if for some reason you want more thoughts from me on bisexual dan beyond this, here’s an iconic conversation @blairwaldorfisgay & i had which started out with nate x dan & somehow ended up at chuck x dan. to this day, i have No idea how that happened, lmao.

#anon #meta #thanks for the ask!!!! this got sooo long #gossip girl #dan humphrey #long post #gg rewrite

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rivkahstudies · 4 years

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some reflections as i near the last 3 weeks of my first full covid semester

goals for next semester that i didn’t do this semester because of sheer exhaustion:

actually looking at the notes I write. like at all. not necessarily rewriting them to be pretty and perfect 500 times, but just like, actually reviewing them. i have not touched a n y of my notes this semester and i know it’s better to have taken them than not at all but damn

on that note, actually writing the vocab i learn in my language classes. i got a rare moment of peace today where I was able to write down the metric fuckton of words my professor gave me rather than having to flip, flip, flip between the worksheet and the vocab sheet

starting to review earlier than a couple days before a test. I’ve done a decent job of learning from that mistake with starting essays at least (because in covid times, professors never tell you about the fact an essay is coming up, nor even give you enough time between learning the material and writing the essay, bc they’re pretending they’re not also slowly dying)

drop classes that are going to kick my ass. seriously. i didn’t have this option this sem because the hardest class was one required for my major, but i’m trying my damndest to engineer my schedule for next semester so that I am comfortable. there’s no need to make an already hard ass time harder. if I don’t get good vibes from a prof, I’m going to drop.

drop that internship that is abusing me. $200 for the whole semester is not worth what I’m going through right now lmao.

journal more. write poetry more. these two things in the last couple weeks have made a huge difference even though I’m still struggling.

continue to be honest with friends, family, therapist, profs, etc. I’m so scared of admitting my vulnerabilities to people, especially those I look up to, but it’s been absolutely essential to getting me through things this sem.

might update with a part 2 at the end of the semester? lmk if yall are interested

#rivkah talks #rivkahstudies #reflections #coronavirus

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meichenxi · 4 years

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For langblr asks: 7, 10, 11, 18, and 49

Thanks!! This may get long, so I apologise in advance! I’m learning German and Esperanto alongside Chinese, but since my German is fairly advanced and I don’t really learn actively any more (I just read, listen to talks etc - mainly because I have no reason to actively speak German sadly) and my Esperanto is basic I’ll just talk about Chinese.

7 - What are some things that you learned about language learning that really improved your studying?

- Hands down learning about the role of attention in language learning. In an ideal situation, you are exposed to the target feature, then have your attention drawn to it/figure it out yourself, and are then exposed to it in natural language again. I think we all know the wild experience when you learn a word and then magically the universe provides it - and suddenly you know that word forever. I now like to think of word ‘learning’ as incremental rather than binary: recognising a word in a familiar context, an unfamiliar context, and then finally using the word are all different levels of ‘knowing’ that word. What this means in practice is that I worry less about not being able to use all the vocabulary actively that I recognise passively, because I know once I do use it actively that item will be easier to access. So there are two things here: first of all, that I don’t worry if I’m watching or reading something and don’t actively extract vocab from it, because I know that hearing it will make it easier to remember later on; and secondly, that if I ‘pay attention’ to a word but don’t ‘learn’ it because I haven’t seen it in context, that state of not knowing is temporary. The moment I see it in context - sometimes months later, when I had completely ‘forgotten’ that word - I know what it is. So I don’t stress as much about not being able to remember words from flashcards or whatever, because I know that seeing/hearing them in context is what cements that word, not just repetition.

10 - What are some thing that you love about the language you’re learning?

Oh my goodness. So many things. I love characters; they used to absolutely drive me crazy, but the ability to read after so long being unable to read now just feels wonderfully exciting every single time. I love learning about different components and how they combine together. I love too that the idea of ‘the word’ is tied so intimately to characters: there are psycholinguistic experiments showing that Chinese native speakers learning English show interference effects when two words are presented in English that have the same component (not even whole character!) and it slows down decision making. I love the way that tone and intonation interact and I love seeing how far I’ve come from not understanding how I could express emotion at all. I love what Chinese shows about the power of the second language learner: it’s incredibly homophonous because of limited syllables even with tones, and it’s radical pro-drop, the more formal you are the shorter/more concise sentences tend to be, and when you’re in a different dialect/Chinese language even those useful initials or finals can change and still you know what is being said. It’s incredible. I love the sound of <q> and <j> and <x> and especially the final <ing>.

The thing I love most about Chinese is its conciseness and elegance. I love learning about different systems of politeness and register and Literary Chinese is just so incredibly concise: if learning modern standard Mandarin is interesting, Literary Chinese is just...it blows my mind. It’s very unique: and I don’t mean this in the sense of ‘oh look how Exotic and Different’, I mean this typologically: it’s arguably the most analytical language in the world and is regularly used in linguistics papers to exemplify phenomena found in such highly analytical languages. I also think the encoding of order-based pragmatics into actual linguistic implicature is absolutely so cool.

I love the difference registers it has, and I love that it feels such a good language to moan about the bus being late in and also, you know, that kind of poetry which just takes your breath away. I love how the same sentence can be expressed in different registers and how grammar patterns from literary Chinese can be used in modern Chinese. I love how compounding and derivational morphology work in Chinese (it’s absolutely nuts?? and so versatile??) and I love how names carry so much meaning. I love it for its ambiguity and conciseness and completely *shrug* lack of need to express tense or person because you know, if you know you know.

And from a synesthete’s point of view, Chinese is beautiful too: it’s a crisp clear dawn-like language, cool and misty.

Finally, I love it for what it has taught me. It’s the first tonal language I’ve ever learnt, and the learning curve has been huge. Parts of it have been massively frustrating (we’ll get to that). I remember the week before I went to China for the first time hurriedly trying to learn some phrases, and I just couldn’t get them to stick in my head. I think I practiced ‘good morning’ about 10,000 times and I still couldn't say it right, or remember it. Languages were sort of my thing - I had taken my German GCSE early, done French and Spanish 0-GCSE in one year each, done three language A-levels (Spanish in five months because I dropped out of another A-level, self-taught German) as well as an extracurricular Latin GCSE. I was cocky!! And so not being able to do it was crushing at first and also just, what?? So learning Chinese has taught me patience, and it’s a useful bench-mark now if I ever feel like I can’t do anything. It’s taught me that you just need patience and determination, and that you'll get there in the end. Genuinely, that’s the most useful lesson I’ve learnt in my short life.

11 - What are some things that you don’t like / find frustrating about the language you’re learning?

Originally, I found both the pronunciation and characters immensely frustrating. I think I’m over those hurdles, and now what annoys me most is the grammar - and if anyone says there is no grammar in Chinese I may just murder you. Chinese grammar is hard because, as I’ve talked about before, a lot of rests on sentence patterns and a lot of it seems to shift in ways that, say, Spanish grammar doesn’t, depending on context, formality and so on. But the reason Chinese grammar is difficult is again because the categories it manipulates are ones that don’t map perfectly onto what we think is being manipulated. So we build representations in our mind and try to learn structures without realising that a lot of it is patterns, not something set in stone. This includes phenomena like topic-marking, fronting, emphasis and so on. The most ‘grammar’-like of Chinese grammar actually is based in large parts in implicatures and the pragmatic-semantic interface, which is very hard to teach. This is why I think that input is especially crucial in Chinese.

Also, embedded wh-questions are hard.

As I’m learning more, though, this is all gradually becoming less frustrating. I don’t want to jinx anything and I still have a lot to learn, but I’m feeling cautiously optimistic that the worst is behind me. Things are making a lot more sense now anyway!!!

18 - Have you had any conversations with natives of your target language/s? How did that go?

Haha, of course. I lived in China for six months and then visited again for two months. I also work as an English teacher online and have a lot of Chinese students. I also sometimes chat with other Chinese students in the German classes I was taking. I’m really excited though to go back to China though now that I’m a little bit better and see how I can improve from there!!! I feel like last time I wasn’t really at a good enough level to improve quickly; I think this time would be really hard, but I can communicate well enough that I hope people wouldn’t switch back to English.

One of the problems I have always had though has been that my pronunciation sounded better than my knowledge of the language - because of immersion. So people always assumed I understood way more than I actually did which was always terrible because I never knew wtf was going on.

One really really nice conversation I had recently: in my English class, a young girl’s mother asked if I could explain the present simple vs present continuous to her daughter...in Chinese. And regardless of what nonsense I said, the little girl understood! Ahhhh that warm glowy feeling of human connection and accomplishment.

49 - What are your language goals for 2021?

Since I’m learning quite intensively at the moment, these goals will be appropriately intense. Gulp.

1) Pass HSK5 (March). This is my biggest goal, and the first time I’ve ever worked towards a language exam so I’m a little nervous. I think it’s do-able (especially with the help of the course that I’m taking, HSK Online), but still large enough to be scary.

2) Be able to write all words up to HSK5 by hand (July). I have a little more time for this one - normally I don’t think handwriting is particularly important, but since I’m going to be studying in a Chinese university next year with the dreaded 听写 I need to be able to do it. They sort you into groups depending on your exam results, and if I can’t handwrite more than 我 then I’m not going to get very far. How do I plan on achieving this? I’m planning maybe on buying a subscription to Skritter again and working through (I really like them), but most importantly, just handwriting freely in a notebook and building up the habit.

3) Be able to read at the same speed as the subtitles. I know, I know, most people can. But I can’t lmao so let me practice.

4) Be in a good place to take HSK6 in early 2022. I don’t actually know if I’m going to take the HSK6 exam: maybe not. HSK5 is only important for me because I need it for a scholarship. But as random as some of the words are, it’s a very good benchmark and a useful list. Considering I’ll have from March until the end of the year, and from the end of June onwards I’ll be in a Mandarin-speaking environment (and be in a Chinese university from August/September) I think it’ll set me up well. It’s way too much to do by the end of the year though, so this goal is just to do as much as I can before 2022.

5) Read the first Harry Potter in Chinese. Guys, I’m not looking to understand the descriptions of the moat or Hagrid’s beard. But I want to be able to read the dialogue with ease, and be able to dip in and out of the book with ease.

6) Complete my literary Chinese textbook (mid-year).

7) Be able to watch shows like Streetdance of China without subs. I can watch some shows already without subs, but I often feel that’s more to do with galaxy-brain thinking, ‘reading the room’ and being lazy than actually understanding all the words. Despite shows like the Untamed having more ‘difficult’ vocab, I find them a lot easier to understand than variety shows etc because the audio is extremely clear and not too fast. Watching Nirvana in Fire without subs will have to be a goal for 2022 lmao; no way will that happen by this time next year.

8) Learn the top 1000 traditional characters and practice reading traditional more. This is not as hard as it sounds: past about the top 500, many of them differ in very predictable ways.

And here are three long-term goals I have no time limits on:

1) Read MDZS and TGCF in Chinese. Ahhh. The dream.

2) Read lots of wuxia!!!!!!! All the wuxia!!!!!!!! Be able to read actual books, imagine.

3) Use Chinese for academic research on Chinese dialects and Tibetan languages. This is kind of...my career path...so!

Thanks for the ask!!

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surveys-at-your-service · 3 years

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Survey #393

i’ve got a shitload of surveys backed up, so... get ready, aha.

Have you ever watched the show Bad Girls Club? No, but I adore the Falling In Reverse song, haha. Have you ever purposely made someone jealous? Not to my recollection, no. What kind of shampoo do you use? It's a Dove one for dandruff and I LOVE it. It makes my hair so silky, smells good, and just feels clean longer. Have you ever been told you were a good writer? Not to brag, but I've been told that my whole life. What name do you think is pretty for a girl? "Alessandra" will ALWAYS be my favorite name. If you had to name your daughter after a Disney princess, which one? Hm. Perhaps Jasmine, or maybe Aurora. Do you think telepathy is real? Nope. When you were little, did you ever think you would be a magician? Not seriously, no, but I was OBSESSED with those little magic kits you could get at the Scholastic book faire. What is your opinion on poetry? It's a beautiful way of expression, and I especially love the figurative approach to it. I truly think writing poetry can even help discover things about yourself. What, if any, TV shows do you have on DVD? I have seasons 1-4 of Meerkat Manor, and you can bet your ass I'll get Season 5 once that's available in that format! Would you rather go in a hot air balloon or go sky diving? Hot air balloon, probs. I'm too scared of sky diving. Homework–would you rather do it on a Friday or Sunday? Friday. I like to get it out of the way the day it's assigned. What cartoon character did you have a crush on as a kid? Ash Ketchum, haha. What video games have you beaten? Loads and loads. Who makes the most in your entire family? I actually don't know. Probably Ashley? She's a mammographer, along with other duties. If a cosmetology class was offered at your school, would you take it? No. Do you think plastic surgery is no big deal? If it's done safely and not overdone to the point it affects your health, you damn well go for it if it helps your self-confidence. Your favourite meal growing up? Spaghetti, or as I called it, "psghetti," haha. How many bedrooms in the house you live in? Three. What link was the closest person to you that’s died? If we're talking humans, Jason's mom. If you wanna include any living being, then absolutely my dog Teddy. Anything about your mum that annoys you? She is ALWAYS right. Doesn't matter what it is. What meal that your mum cooks is your favourite? I don't know. Have you ever tried caviar? Can you explain the taste to me? HELL no. What, in your opinion, will cause the end of the world? The universe itself is infinite. If we're talking Earth, completely eliminated, either a gamma ray or black hole. If your siblings are old enough, what do they do for work? I mentioned Ashley already, and Nicole is a social worker with children. I actually don't remember what my half-siblings do for work. Have you ever been jealous of your siblings? I've been envious of them for sure, absolutely. They're actually doing shit with their lives and seem to have themselves figured out. I gotta admit I'm jealous of how close Ash and Nicole are, too. I want to be the third person, but I'm just... not. We're so very different that it's hard to get as close as I want. Do you prefer a proper restaurant to a fast food place? Depends on what I'm feeling of course, but I think like most people, I have a more quality experience at sit-in restaurants. What is the biggest dream of your life? Photograph and come into physical contact with meerkats (whether they climb on me or I pet them, idc) at the KMP. I WILL cry. What is a country you’d never ever visit? Places like North Korea. Have you ever had any trouble paying your bills? I don't have bills. Do you think life should just hand things to you? No. Would you rather live off government benefits or earn your own money? I desperately want to earn my own money. What type of a survey do you skip altogether? I don't like bolding surveys. I like the opportunity to explain in normal ones like these. Do you get nervous before “meeting the parents”? Yep. Do you own a knife? Not any besides your ordinary kitchen knives. What song do you want played at your funeral? I have a few in mind. "Life is Beautiful" by Sixx A.M. and "Angels on the Moon" by Thriving Ivory probably top the list. Do people get shocked by how old you are? I don't know, but probably, given how dependent I am on my parents for like, everything. Do you have any features that people notice right away? As in a mole on your cheek, or a big nose, big teeth, etc? Apparently my lip ring. What's the last compliment you received? The lady that works with me in the TMS office liked my Umbreon shirt. What's the meanest insult you have received? Probably that I'm a martyr (and not in the good way). Have you ever fallen asleep with the last person you kissed? Yes. Does your best friend approve of the last person you kissed? They're the same person lmao. Do you have any friends with kids? Yes. I feel like most of my FB friends have kids. What was the last thing you spent your money on? I bought my niece her birthday present. Where did you first kiss the last person you kissed? My back porch. Does your favorite song remind you of anybody? Just America in general. Do you have a member of the opposite sex you’ve told everything to? Jason, pretty much. Do you want any tattoos? If yes, what? Oh hunny, I want LOADS. Are promises important to you? YES. Do NOT promise me shit if you're not planning to keep it for sure. If you’re a girl, do you have big hips? Too big? Well, for one, I'm overweight, so. But if you're talking bone structure and spacing or whatever, then no, I'd say they're average. Girls, do you think you look good in dresses or not? Who says only girls can wear dresses? But regardless, nope. Have you ever taken a pottery class before? No. Have you ever had a period in your life where you were on a major health kick and you were really picky about what you consumed? A few times. Is there anything that you’d never do for any amount of money? There's a good number of things. Do you know what your next injection will be? No. Does anyone call you darling? If so who? Sara sometimes. If you had to have a cartoon character tattooed to you what would it be? If I had to, maybe Pikachu? It'd be a nostalgia thing. You have to dye your hair two colours, what do you choose? Two colors at once? Maybe a pastel mix of pink and purple. Or black with orange highlights and layers? What a Halloween vibe. Ever had something stolen? If so what? Yeah; our basketball hoop was stolen from our yard when I was younger. Do you feel the water in a pool before you get in, or do you dive right in? I feel it. Have you ever touched a squirrel? No. What's better, candles or incense? Incense! When's the last time you’ve smelled a skunk? I'm actually unsure if I ever have. Have you ever used a Ouija board? No. Have you ever met anyone who claimed to be a witch? Yes. Does it annoy you when high-schoolers wear Elmo bookbags? Why the fuck would I care? Do you go along with prank-callers, or just hang up? I don’t even answer numbers I don’t know. Would you ever tattoo a lover’s name onto your body? No. Do you own any version of Guitar Hero? I have a lot, actually. Do you use mouthwash every single day? No. Have you ever eaten White Castle burgers? Only those you warm up in the microwave. We don't have the actual restaurant here. What’s the weirdest thing in your body that you can crack? Nothing weird. Do you like chocolate milk? Who doesn't? o: Do you know anyone with asthma? Yeah, my mom. Why aren’t you texting the last person you kissed? Because she's probably asleep, and we mainly chat on Discord now. Has someone ever called you at midnight on your birthday? Many years ago. Have you ever slept in the same bed as your friend? Yeah. Do you want to see somebody right now? Yes. Do you currently have feelings for anybody? Yes. When was the last time you changed in front of someone? I'm not sure; especially with how I feel about my body now, I avoid it like the plague. Realistically though, probably Mom, passing by or something. Who did you last fall asleep with? If you exclude my cat, Sara. Think back to the last person you held hands with, would you kiss them? That would be my niece Emerson, and I'd certainly kiss her head. Can you be your complete self around the person you like? She's the only person I feel 110% comfortable being my authentic self around. How many tattoos would you get? I want A LOT. Like, more than I'd keep track of. How many bracelets do you have on your wrists right now? None.

#survey #surveys #random questions

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maritimeericandersen · 4 years

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BDRP Questionnaire

Your Name: Sidney

Characters: Eric Andersen, Clara Baudry (Euterpe), Ferb Fletcher, Pedram Ratigan, Laszlo Robinson

Pick one of your characters and talk about their growth (we recommend choosing an older character, but it’s up to you!) What about their story has surprised you? What are you proud of? How have they changed from their original inception to now?

If we’re going by oldest characters, then Eric it shall be!!

As far as growth, I think the major thing that I’ve really enjoyed is getting him to be self sufficient and taking care of things he wasn’t used to before being out on his own. Eric had always been one of those kids who got to take a back seat to planning anything! Like doctors or dentists appointments. He never had to deal with the bank or paying for things like his phone or the internet. And for Eric, a simple boy, if it isn’t right in front of him he doesn’t think about it. Out of sight, out of mind, baby! So him being out here on his own has put all of those things in his direct line of sight. Getting new clothes, shoes, food, water, balancing all of this on a limited budget. You know, taking care of himself. I know the bare minimum is certainly a ridiculous thing to be proud of someone for, but here I am lmao.

Obviously a big part of him having not perished and just going back home was Mr. Moon!! Huge thank you to Lauryl and Jun for taking pity on me and Eric when we first got here lmfao. Eric getting a job, food, boarding, and pity taken on him got him started! And getting a pep talk to actually apply and go to university! Where he’s carving out a future for himself that he chose to do and that wasn’t influenced thinking about the Order or his family or anything but him!

I also really enjoy all the friendships he has made!!! Ollie! And Alice, and Ian, and HARU, and Henry, (but Henry he already sort of had but I’m super jazzed to see where those two can go,) and although I’ve never done a thread with any one on the volleyball team (besides Jake and Olaf, but not in the context of them being on a team!!) I’m sure Eric assumes they’re all the Very Best of Friends. So I really love that he has friends and a little community of people that he can show for himself!!

And Eric really hasn’t changed from my original thinking of him. I don’t know if this is a good thing or a bad thing but he was always supposed to be that kid in class who showed up a little late and asked if he could borrow a pencil. I think, if anything, the things around him in his story have changed a bit in my own brain in order to fit in to the universe of BDRP now that I’ve been here a little longer (almost a year!!!) to have a better understanding of how the world works!! But yeah, all and all, he is still on the original path I had for him going into this.

Pick another character (or the same character if you only have one) and talk a little about where you WANT them to go. What are your plans for them going into the new year?

Moving on to Clara:

What I want for her, personally, is to soften up and lean into her more excitable side. The one that isn’t so concerned with money or the way she looks or what other people are perceiving her to be. I want her to open up more!! Being a Muse will be super helpful to her because I think for a character to help someone else, they’re going to need to have a bit more vulnerability to them? Like, all mentor or helper type characters have to gain some semblance of trust from the person they're helping to get them to see that they aren’t in an environment to be judged or taken advantage of. Right? Like uh, Obi Wan isn’t necessarily up front with Luke about everything but he gives him many truths, like how he and his father were very good friends, so Luke trusts him! Or when Professor Keating is vulnerable with his students, telling them about how love and poetry and those deep dark feelings inside of you are what life is all about, and they trusted him wholeheartedly!

In order to do that, she’s going to need to let go of her own fears!! And grow! I want to see her learn that part of being people’s friends, or when being someone’s guide as a Muse. I think her coming to understand that sharing her story and history will be very helpful in her journey to becoming this generation’s Euterpe. I want to see her come into her more active magic by developing emotionally! Working through her anger and letting go of that to make more room for the part of her that wants to connect and be around people.

I am also really excited to see where her connections take her in the coming future! The Groove Room as her first helping gig to Ber! Being in a band!! Working at Tiana’s place and performing original music there!!! Getting to talk more with Franny, her idol!!!, will be fantastic for her. I’m so super duper excited to see where she goes.

Pick a thread or a plot that you’re proud of and talk about why you loved it.

This is an insane question because I genuinely love them all so much you guys 😭

For Eric: Any thread he’s had with Jun since that has helped move Eric along in getting to be his Own Person and getting his act together. Again, thank you Jun! I really really enjoyed his first interaction with Lou? I thought that thread was hilarious and yet cringed the entire time writing it because Eric is such a ridiculous person. I also liked his thread with Olaf when they went on the tour of the university!! Their conversation about the gryphons was really a challenge on Eric and having to think about hunting from the perspective of the other side, which he had never really done before. Also just him having a genuine and intelligent conversation with a fairy who is now also playing a sport with him has probably been very helpful to him!!! I love his threads with Haru because getting to write his reactions to her learning about the human world always brings me such delight. All this threads with Ollie are great because I get to write that part of Eric that is just a dumb boy hanging out with his bestie!! I love that so much since he’s so much more relaxed and I find their banter to be an easy back and forth. Getting to meet Isa for the first time was a blast, I really enjoyed their interaction. Most recently I was super de duper in love with him and Henry’s re-meeting. I hadn’t had a chance for him to really face the Order without him having to go all the way back to everyone, so getting that connection with Henry was a good inbetween and getting to write him talking to someone who knows the life and his plight was so cathartic for him!

For Clara: Any thread between her and Franny is so fun!! Her first meeting with Franny was great because I got to try and capture one of those moments that’s like, you know and adore this person and they’ve done so much for you but they have noooo idea who the hell you are. So that was a lot of fun for me, not so much for Clara lmfao, but hey it was the first step in getting her to this stage in her relationship with Franny, which she never thought she would even have!!! I really liked the two threads she got to have with Callie before she departed, it was very kind of Pet to give me those moments of giving Clara the knowledge of what/who she was!! Otherwise she would be walking around, still in the dark about her magic! OH, I loved the thread with her and Mei Q. !! I think it was important for her to get the advice of being open to people from an outside, neutral source who had no stake in Clara at all other than to just tell her what was up. Even if she didn’t really trust it lmao, it planted the seeds in her brain. I also really liked her thread with Imelda where she was trying to finagle the truth about her and O’Malley out of her lmfao. It was a challenge for me to think of dialogue that wouldn’t give her away, so that was very fun!!! And thank you Imelda for not firing her! And then of course, her thread with Ber and getting him to let her help her with the Groove Room! It gave me a chance to use her magic and start to explore the beginnings of how she is going to approach being a Muse while also giving her the first taste of adventure. Getting to write a Clara whose mind isn’t wrapped up in her account balance and is instead thinking about the love of life is always a very fun time for me, so that thread has been nice to write.

For Ferb: Literally any thread with his siblings. I want to take this moment to personally thank Emma and MK for giving me the Flynn’s in the span of ?? like four months?? Which was insane to me, because when I was writing his app I was like, “I will probably never get my siblings, and I will just have to accept that.” but then bam, next thing I know, there they were. So anything with them has been like my dreams come true. I loved his thread with Mei K. asking him to prom via sign!!! Too pure. The thread with Su when she was helping him work through what being a sibling is like and then cementing their friendship was really good because it got him to open up and doing that with Ferb seemed ?? impossible to me, so getting to write that was wonderful! Also his thread with JJ! Getting to gush about sign language was so much fun for for me, so thank you so much, Bee for giving me that opportunity!!! His and Vanessa’s thread at the carnival was really fun, too, especially since I made it my personal goal in that one to cut any dialogue from him and work on how he communicates without using words in that sort of fast paced situation where he couldn’t use his phone to know what she was saying, so, I thoroughly enjoyed that one, too.

For Ratigan: I honestly find any interaction with Ratigan to be a blessing to me because I genuinely feel terrible for asking for threads with him since he is so mean. His thread with Tiana and getting her to take up his offer on a loan was awesome, especially since it was one of the first things I got to write with him!! Very much appreciate Emma for willing to put Tiana in that position! It also gave me the thread with him and Simba, which was really funny since they are such opposites and getting to write Ratigan playing nice but secretly envying everything that Simba is/has was really interesting. Both his threads with Errol of course because it just gives me the opportunity to write him being the mean spirited person that he is. I adored his thread with Franny when she told him the news that she was pregnant!!! It gave me the chance to reflect on him and his relationship with her and the fact that he actually does like her and would snipe anyone who came for her. Not that he would admit that at all. LOVE his threads with Bianca, them staring one another down like a pair of cowboys waiting to see who will draw first has been so much fun to write!! I love writing that part of him as his paranoia knows no bounds. And his thread with Zira?? Has been immaculate because writing him in a place where he doesn’t think he is the superior one in the room would never happen in any other context, so I absolutely love getting to write him getting put in his place lmao. Also, having just finished the AU thread with LP was really fun!!! I liked getting to play into the tropes and the campiness of the spy genre and getting to see what he would act like in the face of genuine emotion.

For Laszlo: Literally all this threads lol. Writing Laszlo brings me such joy, as he is such a ray of sunshine. Him and Lachlann were a hoot and a half. I looooooooooved him and Eilonwy!! Both because she is such a treat but also because getting to write about him witnessing magic being put into his art while speaking to the person behind the magic was fantastic for what he wants to do in the future! Both his threads with Simba have been great, I love their vibe so much. The three-way thread between him, Lou, and Tiana for the mural was super fun!! I got my first taste into what discussing art would be like while also getting to think about how Laszlo would approach art while getting help from two other voices, so that whole thing was just chef kisses. His thread with Cornelius right now has been really lovely, I like getting to write them having a fun time together and being bros!! His threads with Franny have been so good, I adore them so much, their relationship is so fun to write. And of course, Marlin, too!! Their first thread was really fun and gave me the opportunity to write comedy as well as trying to figure out how he would react to embarrassment and all that. His thread with his mum is still coming along but I am in loVE with it so far. Petunia is the best, so getting to write with her and trying to figure out how that relationship has developed with them both being adults now has really been such a delight for me. I’m so happy because, bruh, like Ferb, when I was applying for him I told myself I would probably never get his intimidate family and that was going to be okay. Now look at us, who would have thought-

In terms of your own writing, identify 1-3 strengths and talk about why you think it’s one of your strengths.

Warning: Cop Out Ahead

Hmmm, I think the only strength I can think of would just be that I’m open to changes? I have no problems in people damaging my ego because I simply do not have one lmao. There’s really nothing I will be offended at needing to move around or change to fit. I like being able to hear what other people have to say about my writing, even if it’s to do something completely different with where I was going because I wouldn’t have ever thought to do it like that!! Which I’ve learned in rp is super great since there are so many people here with so many different ideas and perspectives and characters and it brings me such joy to hear you all talk and collab and read what you’ve written!!!!

In terms of your own writing, identify 1-3 areas of improvement.

Oh gosh, where to even begin.

1. I’m terrible with metaphors and comparisons lmaooo. I will attempt to write something lyrical or flowery and then I’ll come back to it and be like:

so that I definitely need to get better at!! Stop comparing things that don’t make sense!! Also not just using them to make my point as clear as glass. I think a big portion of why I write terrible, embarrassing metaphors is because I’m scared of being misunderstood so I feel like I have to give everyone a giant neon sign saying what I mean like seven times over. When in reality, everyone here is an intelligent individual who also writes very well so they will have no problem figuring out what I mean because, in all honestly, whatever I am writing isn’t going to be that convoluted!!

2. My sentence structures are always all over the fucking place. I do run ons, fragments, repetitive, I do all the sins baby. I need to clean it up and get my act together. Which brings me to my next point,

3. Editing. I’m very terrible at editing my own work because a lot of the time I don’t want to read my own writing so it makes me reluctant to go back over and check what I did. But then when I DO go back and read it to remember what I did for a reply, I read all the easy mistakes I could have fixed which means the person I’m writing with read it, too, which makes me cringe more and makes me not want to read what I wrote all over again, and then it is just one massive positive feedback loop that ends with unedited work and a bunch of nonsense left for someone to interpret. I gotta stop it!! I either need to get some self confidence somehow or just suck it up and get to editing more so people don’t have to suffer for my mistakes.

Pick one of your plots, or even just a character, and come up with a list of 3-5 “mentor texts” where you can look for inspiration or research, then write a short (2-4 sentences) why you picked those texts. (They don’t have to be books, either!)

I feel like I’m back at school doing a Work Cited page lmao. But okay, for Ratigan:

Of course, the most obvious: The Adventure of the Final Problem by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. Thank god this was a short story, lmao. Honestly, reading it you could tell a bitch was just trying to put a wrap on it because Doyle doesn’t really go into detail about anything besides Holmes and Watson’s road trip. Like it never goes into detail about the big back and forth game between Holmes and Moriarty, it just tells us that they had one and this story takes place at the end of it. We only ever get Moriarty through Holme’s storytelling and from afar from Watson’s point of view. So it’s kind of funny that this guy, who appears in one short story and only mentioned in one other book, who had barely any character besides being smart, has been turned into this notorious villain name. I mean….his power….

Anyways, the reason I read it was because Ratigan is the Moriarty of Basil of Baker street, so I figured it would be useful to read the source material since my only experience with the character was Andrew Scott’s in Sherlock the show and then Jared Harris’ in Sherlock Holmes: Game of Shadows, who I still reference since I think he was a brilliant casting choice and is closest to the guy described in the story besides the guy who played Niles in the Nanny showing up as him in that one episode of Star Trek Next Gen lmfao. It was actually very helpful when trying to think of how to adapt him into a person rather than a cartoon rat. It gave me more insight into the criminal world aspect of his plot, too, and how he ran it and everything: “ He sits motionless, like a spider in the center of its web, but that web has a thousand radiations, and he knows well every quiver of each of them.” So that made me think, well why wouldn’t he want to be involved? Why would he want to sit pretty instead of being involved with things like Ratigan? Well, if I made him do it at one point and know that he hated it, then he would do everything in his power to not have to do stuff like that ever again. Hence why he was an assassin and why he worked his way to the top. This also gave him credibility and made people fear him. I also liked how petty the character was. Like the whole part about him trying to kill Holmes and paying someone to push a brick off a roof or run him over with a carriage had me laughing. “Kill him in the dumbest way to make his obituary look ridiculous!!” But yeah, aha, this was mainly very helpful to me when trying to think of how his criminal background would work.

Die Hard (1988) because Hans Gruber baby!! He is one of my fave og villains for many reasons! He’s calculated, witty, intelligent, and dangerous. The movie does a good job of not just telling us these things, but showing us! In his scheme, in his back up plans, shooting the glass upon knowing a bitch is barefoot in there, and trying to get McClane to trust him by improvising in three seconds flat. Obviously the best part is when the police think they’ve got him on his heels by cutting the power when actually that was the plan all along to get into the vault since he knows their protocols!!! I really like that clever and planned out approach to crime and villainy for Ratigan (even if I am too dumb to know what I am doing (^: ) Like Hans, he doesn’t think that what he is doing is for the Great Good or that what he is doing is the right thing. He is fully aware that he is not a good person! He had the chance to get out, but it was of his own volition to go back to that life. I took that villain approach to Ratigan from Hans in that there is no complex reason as to why he does what he does. He’s not like the big purple grape who thinks he has to do it as a favor to the universe, he just wants money and to live comfortably, the end.

Person of Interest, for a lot of reasons actually, but mainly for the character of Elias!! And his whole organized crime operation. He is among that smart and calculated villain trope (even though he wasn’t really a villain over the course of the show lmao.) What I liked about him was that he went into the life of crime because he knew that was how things were going to get done in the world. Watching the show you see the hierarchy of the criminal underground and how he cultivated crime into an organized and sort of civil matter when given rules and regulations!! His overall poise, too, was the kind of villain I wanted for Ratigan. Also that Elias was the guy that people could go to if they needed something done that they themselves couldn’t get around or that was just too grey area for them to go through with themselves. He’ll pull the trigger, he’ll plant the bomb, he’ll ruin someone’s life. I love that concept a lot for a villain, because they already know they’re knee deep in the shit, why let someone else corrupt themselves when they can do it and do it without the whole fuss of morals.

And now, a wishlist! Jot down a few themes or stories or genres etc that you want to maybe pursue in the upcoming year! (i.e. a good ol’ fashion forbidden romance, maybe you want to dig deep into racial identity etc) This doesn’t have to necessarily be attached to any characters or stories you have now– it’s just meant to help you see for yourself what kind of stories call to your heart.

More technology vs magic things! I feel like that theme of the natural vs the made would be fun and interesting considering the juxtaposition of the town to the forest and stuff!!

Also, I mean even doing small, stupid shit with technology would make me very happy

More friendships!! (esp for Clara lol) More enemies!

I would love to do something of like building a house or renovating a place together. if any one wants to go HGTV, please come see me :^)

Scavenger hunt type deal? Like a video game! Get one thing in order to get the next thing so that you can get the next thing until they eventually find what they were looking for.

Misunderstandings! Either ones that are funny and light hearted that result in hijinks or the good old fashion devastating kind that sets trust on the edge.

And then to echo a few of yalls, and MK in the werewolf vs vampire chat, the opportunities of tension between those two parties. I think that would be SO cool??? not even for like a Big Boss Battle, but the build up to it would be really good! making alliances that wouldn’t otherwise be made, stirring the pot to make tensions worse, blackmail, threats. I barely have any stake in this, lmfao, but hey this question asked for things that didn’t have to be attached to my characters so. I would just be sitting on my computer with a bowl of popcorn for it. Big Vampire Diaries/the Originals Energy.

OPTIONAL: Why do you RP?

Since this whole experience has been brand spankin’ new with my first go around in the rp world, the answer is just very simple: it is an absolute delight.

Getting to write with people that double as this built in community/fandom that has been created is actually insane to me. It makes me so !!!!!!!!!!! because it’s so cool!! There’s really nothing out there like it! I like the collaboration aspect so much because it keeps everything exciting and fresh at all hours of the day! Not even just like within your own stories, but getting to see other people’s stories that I’m not even apart of.

Honestly, getting to read the things you guys write for free makes me feel like I’m doing highway robbery. Every day I am a humble peasant who wakes up and is getting to feast upon what you monarchs come up with.

Which just makes me want to say thank you to everyone here because I felt (and STILL DO) like such a fucking idiot coming in here not knowing what I was doing. But you all just welcomed me on in, made me feel comfortable enough to continue writing, and I sincerely believe you all kept me going on this wild and wacky year. I know I don’t talk at all in the big group chat because I am chicken shit!!!!!!!!!! but you’re all very lovely people, I feel lucky and blessed to have found you. Thank you for taking in a newbie like me into your long standing home!!

#bdrptask #not me having to use a whole painting for euterpe since she isn't even in the movie

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bffsoobin · 4 years

Text

extra long tag game (a guide to all unnecessary knowledge of me)

tagged by: @txtdiaries (ily lana)

tagging: @pxppinstars @txtdream @lavenderlattaes @soobindipity (feel free to ignore if you’ve already done this or just can’t be bothered)

ONE

tell me the first song that made you stan your current fave group and why did your faves attract you so much?

Um okay so I’ll go with explaining BTS and TXT I guess, haha. For BTS it was DNA! That was the first mv I ever saw by them and I was instantly obsessed with everything about it. For TXT, it was obviously Crown since I was keeping an eye on them as soon as BH announced a new group haha. But I initially loved the super bright and happy concept from Crown and they totally got me hooked by their personalities and other music!!

—

TWO

rule: answer the ten questions and write your own!

what’s your unrealistic goal for life?

married by 23, kids by 25...I’m 19 and I’ve never even had a boyfriend so I would be shocked if I actually got this lmao

if you had known that we would be in a global pandemic, what’s one thing that you would’ve done before things shut down (if they have for you)?

Honestly, I can’t think of anything other than spending more time with my roommate who I miss so so much.

what’s an unconventional thing that you carry around with you when you go out?

I wouldn’t usually call this unconventional but right now I’d say my student ID since it’s useless as I’m not going back to campus

favourite type of plushies and why?

I love teddy bears. I have two that I sleep with every night! One is a gift I got for preschool graduation (eloquently named Teddy) and the other is my iron man build a bear that my uncle bought me to cope with Endgame.

favourite song right now?

I am notoriously bad at answering this question so I’ll just say that at the moment I’ve been listening to Red Desert by 5sos a lot.

something that you’ve always wanted to learn?

I’ve always wanted to learn how to play drums and any language other than English haha

tell a funny story about yourself (or just something that you’ve witnessed)

This took way more digging in my mind than I would like to admit but when I saw 5sos live in 2016 my best friend and I had soundcheck, so we got to sit in the venue early and ask them questions and hear a few extra songs. At the time I had beef with Luke Hemmings (because the girl he was dating at the time was one of the most toxic people on earth) and he wouldn’t break up with her. So the girl sitting next to me at soundcheck raised her hand to ask Luke a question so of course he was looking basically right at me. We were like maybe 8 rows back from the stage and at this point in my life I had bright pink hair, so there was no missing me. So this girl is asking her innocent question, and naturally Luke looks around a bit and we make eye contact and instead of fangirling like a normal person, my anger at him boiled over and I ended up flipping him off. The whole band noticed and had to pretend they weren’t laughing at the oddly aggressive 9th grader who flipped off their lead singer. I still feel bad about it to this day lmao but all my friends think it’s hilarious and it’s definitely my go to party story.

headphones or speakers? why?

headphones all the way. Speakers only if I’m showering.

craving any food right now? what are you craving?

Surprisingly I’m not craving anything but that’s because I just ate dinner 10 minutes ago

which music streaming platform do you prefer? why?

Spotify all the way

ten questions (by lana, answered)

1. what is your favorite movie of all time?

This is such a hard question for me. I’m so bad at picking favorites. But I’d have to say it’s sort of a tie between Heathers, Brave and Iron Man 2

2. describe your childhood in three words

Disney, animals, comforting

3. Favorite holiday?

Halloween forever and always

4. Favorite vacation spot?

Disney World! 5.What do you think of the education system? Are you a fellow slave to the GPA?

The US education system has massive holes. I was lucky enough to attend a pretty good highschool and take good classes so I don’t feel like I was as robbed as other people, but there are curriculum gaps and misinformation everywhere you go. As far as college goes, I think it is wayyyy too expensive. Despite that, I still signed myself up for 8 years of debt so yes, I am a slave to the GPA. Gotta go hard for the dream job.

6. What is your hair color? Very light blonde now, normally dirty blonde

7. What talent do you wish you had?

I wish I could draw or paint well so bad. I am so envious of artists.

8. What is your major and why? (If you’re in highschool, what do you plan on majoring in?)

I’m a biology major because I want to become a veterinarian!

9.Do you like kids or do you merely tolerate them? I love most kids. There will always be some awful ones but as a general rule I love being around kids and I definitely want some of my own!

10. Any pets?

Yep, I have five cats!

ten questions from me to you:

who is your favorite non kpop artist?

do you prefer to be warm or cool?

dream job, if you have one?

favorite TV show?

top three celebrities you would sell your soul to meet?

do you believe in ghosts?

cookies or brownies?

do you like where you live?

do you know your personality type? If so, what is it?

do you prefer floral scents or neutral scents?

—

THREE

rule: bold the statements that apply to you, italicize your aspirations, then tag nine people.

AIR ༉⋆͙̈

i have small hands / i love the night sky / i watch animals and birds when i pass them by / i drink herbal tea / i wake to see the dawn / the smell of dust is comforting / i’m valued for being wise / i prefer books to music / i meditate / i find joy in learning new truths from the world around me

FIRE ༉⋆͙̈

i don’t have straight hair / i like to wear ripped jeans and overalls / i play an organized sport / i love dogs / i am not afraid of adventure / i love to talk to strangers / i always try new foods / i enjoy road trips / summer is my favorite season / my radio is always playing

WATER ༉⋆͙̈

i wear bracelets on my wrists / i love the bustle of the city / i have more than one set of piercings / i read poetry / i love the sound of a thunderstorm / i want to travel the world / i sleep past midday most days / i love simply lit dinners and fluorescent signs / i rewatch kids shows out of nostalgia / i see emotions in colors not words

EARTH ༉⋆͙̈

i wear glasses or contacts / i enjoy doing the laundry / i am a vegetarian or vegan / i have an excellent sense of time / my humor is very cheerful / i am a valued advisor to my friends / i believe in true love / i love this chill of mountain air / i’m always listening to music / i am highly trusted by the people in my life

AETHER ༉⋆͙̈

i go without makeup in my daily life / i make my own artwork / i keep on track of my tasks and time / i always know true north / i see beauty in everything / i can always smell flowers / i smile at everyone i pass by / i always fear history repeating itself / i have recovered from a mental disorder / i can love unconditionally

—

FOUR

PERSONAL

name: sara

nickname: sadams

birthday: April 16th, 2001

zodiac: Aries hehe

nationality: sadly, american

languages: only english

gender: female

sexuality: straight

height: 5'2 or 3 I don’t know for sure

BLOG STUFF

inspiration for muse: obviously txt but I pull inspiration from my life, music, TV/movies and other stories!

meaning behind my url: I heavily believe in the idea of alternate universes and I think there’s one where Soobin and I are best friends so that’s what I made my url!

blog established: May of 2020

followers: 568 (how??)

FAVORITES

favourite animals: cats, snakes, raccoons

favourite books: Looking For Alaska by John Green

favourite colour: black, light purple, forest green, deep blue

favourite fictional characters: Spencer Reid (Criminal Minds), Andy Dwyer (Parks and Rec), Leslie Knope (Parks and Rec), Klaus and Ben (Umbrella Academy), Peter Parker, Tony Stark, Bucky Barnes. For some reason I’m blanking on book characters so here are all of my movie/tv faves

favourite flower: Forget me nots

favourite scent: fresh laundry, anything tropical or ocean smelling, basil

favourite season: fall!

RANDOM

average hours of sleep: 7 or 8 usually

cats or dogs: cats

coffee, tea or hot chocolate: hot chocolate

current time: 6:41 pm

dream trip: Australia or SK

dream job: Veterinarian

hobbies: writing, watching tv/movies, shopping, going for walks

hogwarts house: slytherin

last movie watched: 68 Kill (do not watch if you’re under 18 or sensitive, lmao)

last song listened to: Sarah Smiles by Panic! at the Disco

no. of blankets you sleep with: right now two

random fact(s): I love dinosaurs, I have low iron, I’m allergic to dogs even though I work at a doggy daycare

—

FIVE

10 things I can’t stop listening to

stay gold- bts

20 cm- txt

catch fire- 5sos

self- khalid

f2020- avenue beat

nyla- blackbear

everywhere- niall horan

heather- conan gray

red desert- 5sos

eight- iu, suga

#about me #tagged

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goshi-kun · 4 years

Note

hhh hi I’ve never used the ask feature before so sorry if I screwed this up 🥺 anyway, I’m here for matchup saturday !! so here’s a bit about me :)

I’m 5’4 so pretty short, I’m very reserved and shy, I write poetry, love listening to music, I have short black hair that I twist sometimes, I’m pretty responsible and get my work done asap, I have trust issues and I’m afraid to make new friends but I would say I do like socializing when I do engage in it,,, uhh and lastly I overthink A LOT

No worries at all love, thank you! 🥰 I’d match you with Akaashi Keiji! 🤍

It sounds like you and Akaashi would be an amazing couple! There would always be an understanding between you too that nobody else could ever compete with! You both just have this clean, beautiful vibe! You both would just have an ethereal aura around you at all times!

Like idk...im thinking marble countertops but idk if that's a vibe-

I am a firm believer that Akaashi reads poetry as a pastime. So you and him could talk about your favorite poetry and you could show him some things that you’ve written! He would analyze everything you write because he would be that amazed by it!

Akaashi is also very responsible, which is why I think you too would be extremely compatible. He would need someone there that understands his mindset. And you would understand completely!

Akaashi is very attentive so if you're ever going through something he’ll know before you even tell him. He will always be there and think of you as his number one priority!

Study dates? Yes! You and Akaashi would be perfect study buddies!! 🥺 You both help each other on hard topics and he’ll make sure you are both passing all your classes! such a mom lmao

Akaashi would be the one to understand the shyer side of your personality. He is pretty quiet himself so he understands how some people can be a lot to handle. He will make sure you are never uncomfortable and if you are he’ll take you away from a situation asap!

He would be a really trustworthy person and would do everything in his power to make sure you always felt safe and loved! 🥰

You start overthinking? He will be right there to tell you it’s alright! He can overthink sometimes himself so he’d know how to be there for you!

In the end, you and Akaashi seem perfect for each other! You have a higher understanding of each other’s needs and that’s what makes your relationship special! Both of your personalities and mindsets would mix perfectly and there would never be a moment where love wasn’t in the air! Soulmates? I think yes.

I hope you liked it! Have a good day love 🤍🤍

#akaashi #akaashi keiji #haikyuu #haikyuu matchups

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savnofilter · 5 years

Note

plzz, grow up. youre always complaining about how hard you hav it when there are so much worse that could happening. starvation, illiteracy, bullying, physical abuse, etc. and youre sad bcuz you feel insecure? as a person, youre actually quite mean. people like you make me sick.

You know, if you really had your money at your words you would’ve done this off Anonymous but you’re clearly a pussy ass bitch to do so. Since you think I’m a bitch or an asshole or an asswipe (whichever you’d like to prefer), I just wanted to water your crops and respond to you in that manner. You’re welcome. I will write you an essay since you’re just an angry fan who wants attention.

1. There’s a reason why I haven’t properly stated my reasons for being like I am the way I am, but since you want to be all up in my coochie hairs, this is my business.

- losses in the family.

- stresses of school.

- responsibilities i have to take care of because I can’t just drop out because i “feel insecure”.

- wanting to reach out but my feelings and thoughts are always twisted because I am shit at words/or seen as stupid reasons to be upset.

- legit being called a rape apologist that triggered me from past experiences, sent my already deteriorating mental health into shit hole.

- being body shamed at a place that felt second home at.

- wanting to do my favourite hobby on earth but not being able to do it because I have no energy for it/not wanting to leave my followers hanging who are excited for things and not post at all (which I’ve been doing but I sincerely apologize).

2. What the fuck makes you think I have never struggled before? I am genuinely curious. Because I can write? Because I try to be nice to people on my blog? Because until now I don’t hide that yeah, I’m not in the best place? You’re such an asshole for even trying to invalidate my feelings and its happened way too many times in my life to let someone like you even attempt to do it. Maybe you’re attacking me because I am young. Maybe you’re attacking me because you need to blow off some steam.

I legit don’t know what your reason is, but YOU need to grow up LMAO like your ass in ANONYMOUS right now kik like whaaaaaat. My cock isn’t yours so hop off it okay? Never called you my slut but you all up in my pussy boy.

3. Also to further my point in bullet one, why is it that I can’t feel insecure? It’s not like I wake up with a mental breakdown not feeling myself on purpose. It’s not like I wake up and go “okay what can I be depressed about today” – because quite frankly if I had the choice guess what? I wouldn’t choose it lmao.

Just like many artists like Billie Eilish, what’s wrong with admitting that you aren’t okay? Like how is that immature? The first step to the healing process is to know the issue, second step is finding out the root of the problem. Since I know myself, me saying that is basically a forewarning like “my emotions are fucked up at the moment, so I might be an asshole because what the fuck are feelings?”.

And you know what? When you’re often a second choice, or someone shows absolute affection towards you and makes it seem you’re the only one then they do it to everyone else then yeah it does get to you. But from what I’ve read, you’re too much of a pretentious bitch to have ever experienced that and people probably bend to everything you say and that is why you don’t like me. I don’t act the way you want me to. And you were probably the one all up in my inbox asking me age like a creepy bitch like that is none of your flip flacking fucking business (apologies if the anon who asked that isn’t, its weird. dont do it lol).

4. Yeah I make you sick? I’m mean? Since you have not provided any statements nor receipts for me too refute, yeah everyone can be a bitch. I mean just look at you sugar. Anyways, I will be showing the pros and cons of talking to me, so you know, people like you,,, don’t,,,,, get,,,,,, sick,,,,,,,,

pros:

I am nice - unlike popular belief or your opinion and no, not to be cliche. yeah sometimes when i talk its like “… why the fuck would you say that?” because sometimes I just don’t know. So it’s better to tell someone then I’m sitting here like

after it hits the fan.

I am very supportive - bro, you having a hard time? Hold up where is the remaining of my happy energy to give to you! You need a heart meme? Writing piece? Like I got you. Feel like your stuff isn’t worth it? You don’t feel worth it? I got you. Like no cap.

Loyal - you give me the same energy, I vibe it back to you love. That’s all. You shower me in love, I shower you in love. You never forget me or always talk to me, I do the same. It’s how you do it babe.

cons:

there’s a reason why my blog name is “savnofilter” - and imma explain it good. Well here’s a backstory ain’t nobody asked for so here it is.

So in 7th grade, moved to my new town I live in – shit at first kinda alright now. We had this assignment in our poetry unit, and that was to get the class divided and have a rap battle and whoever won I don’t fucking know got extra credit or some shit (my brain is old at this point, can’t remember shit lol). So in this assignment, we had to make, a rapper name. And I wanted it to be cringey (yes, that was the vocabulary used-). I had to think long and hard because mane I ain’t ever thought of shit like that until my friend was like, “hey, why don’t you go with savage because you say wild things and don’t care” and I was like,,,,, oh shit mane, U RIGHT. Then I was like, that isn’t enough. I need more, more flare. So I dozed off then sat up like “oKAY A CONCEPT THO, HOW ABOUT NO FILTER?! SAvage… No Filter? Saying it out loud sounds like absolute rubbish.” So I had to think again, what name clicks?

I had already locked in that I have no filter because I don’t give a fuck, so whats next?Sav[redacted]nofilter (blurred because you’d be able to find me somewhere NOT related to writing LMAO). So yeah, because I’m a savage. I genuinely do not care what I am saying. And no, not in a way that I’m saying something insensitive and going “its mah trademark!” its because I don’t care. I’m a savage with no filter.

If you piss me off or ignore what I’ve said or belittled me – whatever I will not hold back! period! - I dont have much explaining for that but there it is. take it how you will.

I am piss poor shit at words - I know plenty of you will read this and be like “but u write? 👁️👄👁️”. So you guys know those people who need like a puppet to speak properly, or sing so they don’t stutter? That’s basically me. If it’s not an actual work or anything I can’t comprehendddddd. Then again I’ve learned to just hold on my feelings since I use to be a crybaby and such. I just horde my feelings until they get worse, like now. I’ve now just realized this so I’ll be talking with my therapist into easing me into sharing how I feel. Which furthers my next point -

I have constipated feelings - so, you can say, that my feelings a shit (y'all saw what I did there LMAOOOOO).

I vibe with how you vibe with me - pro if you do it right, con if you do it wrong. My mum has always said that I tap into peoples energies too much, but its because I like helping people, I like helping people feel secure and everything is alright but it backfires when someone isn’t giving me the same energy.

At this point, I’m not mad anymore. I know who wrote this anyways by the end of this so I apologize for my language earlier ;;. If you truly wanted to speak with me, I would’ve appreciated it lol. I’m just hurt you chose to do it in such a destructive manner, even including someone else in it as well.

oh oh!! yes, i get vague visions of who be all up in my inbox so theres that. thisll be last time i take anyone serious on anon, so future anons you can cuss em out if youd like lol.

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purplesurveys · 4 years

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811

What do you like to drink in the morning? I’m not really a drinks person and I’m fine having all my meals with just water. I like coffee, but I usually drink it in the afternoon or at night. What color is your favorite hoodie? Don’t have one. My favorite sweater is gray though. Do you have a string of lights in your room? No. I remember wanting those as a teenager but I figured it was such a waste of electricity just to make my room look a little cuter, so that turned me off from the idea lol. Do you know what you are going to do today? Yeah, well today I was going to finally register for a social security number online, but given that I’m from the Philippines and the government only gives their 15% in everything they do, the website is absolute garbage and I can’t get past the first step of the process. Not surprising anymore. Other than that, I don’t have anything else to do. Does your heart hurt? My heart is missing so many people at the moment, but it’s not really hurting.

Who is not in your life that you wish was? I wish that my late maternal grandfather was still alive, if he counts. Who hurt you last? Probably Gabie. She doesn’t have a good hold of her emotions when she’s mad and tends to spit out hurtful things without thinking if it would affect me. I plan to have a talk with her about it once we can see each other again because it’s beginning to suck. Can you see the moon out your window right now? Continuing this survey four hours later, except now I’m tipsy as fuck haaaaaa. I dunno, I probably won’t be able to. It’s been raining all day and evening so I might only see clouds if I look out.

What makes you feel inspired? Seeing other people with insanely good work ethic. Are you mad at a friend right now? Nope, no reason to be. Do you have a friend who hurt you and doesn't care? I mean I’m pretty sensitive, so yeah I’ve had some friends say stuff to me that they probably didn’t think anything of, but hurt me in actuality. Is your room clean? Sure, it’s not too cluttered at the moment or anything like that. Can you see the sunrise from your window? No, it doesn’t happen on my side of the house. If you were a writer, would you have a pen name or use your real name? I’d use my real name. Idk, I’ve always found pen names to be a tad bit confusing. Did you go to Goodwill yesterday? I didn’t, and I don’t, because we don’t have whatever that is here. What is your friend's cat's name? I don’t have friends who have cats. Do you celebrate your pet's birthdays? Continuing this survey 15 hours later because I was too dizzy to continue typing, lmao. I typically buy him a dog-friendly cupcake from the pet supply store at the mall near my school, and I serve him more food than usual for lunch and dinner. March is a busy month for me with school and stuff, so I haven’t gotten the chance to throw him a party. :( As a kid, did you celebrate your dolls' birthdays? (if you're a girl) I never liked playing with dolls. But no, I didn’t celebrate the ‘birthdays’ of my other toys. None of them lasted that long with me anyway haha. Are you wearing a hoodie right now? Nope. It’s chilly right now, but it’s not wear-a-hoodie cold. Did you ignore the last facebook post that bothered you, or did you comment? I had to ignore it because it was from my grand-aunt, and old people like to throw fits when you call them out so it was going to be a waste of my time if I commented. Do you need to go to the pharmacy today? No, no need for meds anymore yaaaaaay. Are you realizing that one of your friends isn't a real friend? Not at the moment. I’m happy with the circle I currently have. What was the name of one of your stuffed animals as a kid? I didn’t like stuffed animals either. This is more of my sister’s turf. Do you have a car? If so, did you give it a name? I do have a car but I’ve never given it a name. With my dad having plans to sell it soon, I’d rather it stay nameless for the remaining time it has with me so that I don’t get any more attached to it. If you were a famous singer, what would you want your hit song to be about? I’d want it to have an important message so I’ll probably write something about the bullshit that the government keeps pulling on us.

Did you skip church last week? No, unfortunately my mom makes us watch YouTube recordings of masses from a certain church. I usually hold up one of our couch pillows so that I don’t have to see the TV screen, but nevertheless I’m part of the audience and 30-45 minutes of my time are always wasted every Sunday. Do you have any big regrets? Just one big one. If you had to re-design an alien, instead of making them green with slanty-eyes and an egg-shaped head, what would you make it look like? I’m not creative enough for this question, so pass Do you have anyone who loves you, besides God? Do you have anyone who cares about you, besides God? Do you have anyone who you can go to for support? Yes, there’s a number of people I can think of. Do you normally write in cursive or print? Print, I write faster that way. Does your heart ache for something? Right now I’m kinda wanting pizza actually lol. Do you fit the millennial stereotype? I’m not even a millennial, dude. Would you want your first child to be a boy or a girl? Girl. I don’t want sons. If you were to write an article for a magazine, what would it be about? I’m in the mood to write an opinion piece about, again, the government. Do you have a blog? I have this Tumblr but it’s really more of a journal than anything else, so no, I wouldn’t say that I have an active blog. I did have several classes where our projects required us to make blogs and I never deleted those, so those blogs are still up albeit untouched for years now. If you were to start a blog, what would your first post be about? I can see myself starting a food review blog where I journal all the restaurants I dine in. Do you think you are good at writing poetry? I absolutely suck at it and hate when I’m required to make poems. Have you ever tried a science experiment that didn't work? I don’t think so. Have you ever had a teacher who looked like an alien? I dunno what an alien is supposed to look like but I also haven’t had a teacher who I thought looked weird. Do you take gummy vitamins? Not since I was 14 or 15. Are your feet wide? No. At least I don’t think they are lol. If you could do research right now for an essay, what topic would you choose to right about? Welp today is our Independence Day, so keeping in line with the timing it’d be nice to do a paper on something about Philippine history. What are your strongest attribute? Personally, I like the fact that I’m detail-oriented. That trait has been responsible for presentable Powerpoints, has saved otherwise careless co-workers, and has made sure that all research, written articles, etc. are free from critical errors, be it in data or grammar. Have you ever been tempted to commit a crime? Of course. I think we’ve all been tempted to do something like that at least once. Have you ever started writing a suicide letter? I’ve written a couple ones throughout the years. ...and then realized you wanted to live? No. Do you know anyone who had to evacuate for the latest hurricane? Not the last typhoon, no. But my friends in Marikina have had to evacuate for past calamities many times because they live right beside a river, and one that easily overflows at that. Do you write letters to friends? Only for special occasions, like for Christmas, retreats, if they were graduating, etc. Do you like to write letters? I do but it can get so tiring, especially because I prefer handwriting my letters. I used to write 40+ handwritten letters, one for each of my classmates, every year when we would go on retreat. The practice was super tiring though so now I typically just write letters for Gab. As a kid, did you find diagramming sentences fun? The what sentences??? I’ve no clue what you’re talking about. Whatever those are, I’m positive we never did that in school. What is your dream? Money. Where would you travel if you could? I’d go absolutely everywhere, but I’d start by finishing off Asia first. When it comes to traveling, I’ve always imagined myself taking my sweet time going local first before venturing out to farther countries. That being said, I’d love to go to Thailand, Laos, Vietnam, Cambodia, and Brunei. Do you feel all alone in the world? No. Do you own a piece of jewelry with an owl on it? Haaaaaaaaa, no. That’s such a Tumblr-in-2010 trademark. I did have owl stuff before, though. If you have a class ring, what color is the stone? Not a thing here. Does looking at the starry sky make you feel peaceful? It does. But if I’m really hellbent on feeling peaceful, I’d rather look at either a skyline at night OR into the sea during the day. Do you have a pen pal? If not, would you ever want to have one? No and no. Like I said, I’m pretty much retired from handwritten letters after writing 40+ of them every single year for around a decade lol. Do you drink hot chocolate? Only La Creperie’s San Gines hot chocolate. Sometimes I’ll drink hot chocolate at hotels too. Do you like apple cider hot or cold? I don’t drink that. Are you hurt by something a friend did to you recently? No, none of them have done or said something hurtful to me lately. Are you under 30? Yeup. Have you made a "30 Things to Do Before I'm 30" list? No. I don’t like keeping myself under a deadline. Do you paint rocks and hide them in your town? I’ve never done that before. Do you have a secret crush? Nope, am very vocal about my crush heh. What was the name of your first crush? Andi. Have you ever had a crush on a teacher? Yes, groan. Do you like parodies? Not always. Some of them can be a little too cheesy for my liking. Are you a Taylor Swift fan? Not a chance. Have you ever kissed a picture? I probably have. Do you use window clings (stickers for your window)? No. Do you decorate for fall? We don’t have fall. What do you want to be for Halloween this year? Not really sure yet...I don’t even know if we’re getting Halloween this year. Has suicide crossed your mind a lot lately? [trigger warning] Not these days, and I’m really thankful for that. I’ve self-harmed twice during the course of the quarantine and while that’s disappointing at least I haven’t thought about being dead, and that’s what matters to me. Do you have supernatural abilities? ............No. Do you get enough hugs? Definitely not these days. I haven’t been hugged since March. I think I might cry when I get my first one. What labels do people try to put on you? I don’t know. You’d have to ask others because this isn’t the sort of thing people say to your face lol. Who do YOU (or rather, who does God) say you are? Are you happy? I’m not happy with the Jesus questions on here lmao but kidding aside, I wouldn’t say that I 100% am. I just feel like I’ve only been floating or existing recently, but not fully happy. Have you asked yourself recently, Why am I here? I hate questions like that, so no. What family member did you get your hair color from? Everyone of them. Filipinos have the same features. Have you ever found a secret compartment? No. If you designed a house, would you give it a secret room? I’ve seen some interesting ones on the internet that make me want a secret room of my own, but I think it’ll stay as a fantasy. Do you read horror stories? When I come across them, sure. I don’t actively look for them though. Do you ever comfort eat? Yeah, I did it a lot before quarantine. Yabu’s a great example of me comfort eating haha. Does stretching feel good? Yesssss. Do you have your wedding planned in your head already? I have scenarios that play in my head but I don’t have the specifics – color scheme, flowers, centerpieces, location, etc – mapped out yet. Would you ever adopt a child? Not my first choice. Are you ok today? I’d say so, yeah. It’s not hot today so that’s already good enough of a day for me lmao. Was the last book you read good? It was okay. It holds a great life story with okay writing. Wrestlers write autobiographies ALL THE TIME which means that not all of them will be a home run, and AJ’s was neither earth-shattering nor bad. I definitely didn’t appreciate the unintended-but-casual sexism/misogyny in it or the extreme hyperboles, but it’s AJ and I love her work nonetheless.

#survey #surveys

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kaptain-k-pop · 4 years

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(13/13) Now on to the new mission (which is about to be old real quick sorry 😭 I’ll try to get better at replying in a timely manner). How about Adore U, Mansae, Pretty U, Very Nice, Clap, and Call Call Call? I hope you’re having a good week so far! ❤️

Omg don't even worry about it!!! look at how long it took me to finish answering all of these (I'm so sorry, I had a busy week and totally forgot that I didn't finish answering this last one!!)

Okay, so

Adore U: What’s your favorite aesthetic?

Hmmm I like lots of different aesthetics, one that I really appreciate is cute but also i'll-fuck-you-up vibes? lmao. Like wearing my leather jacket with a cute skirt and a bow or when I have my nails done all pretty and I'm cleaning them out with my pocket knife, lol. I also like listening to loud/heavy/aggressive/rock/punk/rap things like that in my headphones while I'm knitting or crocheteting because I find the idea of people seeing this tiny girl knitting a sweater and being like 'I wonder what she's listening to?' And it's like, secretly Day6, or Dreamcatcher, or MCR, or something very humorous 😂😂😂

Mansae: What is something you really want right now?

Other than a government that doesn't make me feel more and more frustrated and hopeless about the future every day I wake up? Haha. Ha...

Okay on a less melodramatic note, I used to have a debit account that I opened at a bank in the town I went to college in, but since I'll no longer be living in that town obviously I closed the account before I left. And so now the only card I have in my wallet is one that's attached to an account that's in my dad's name (he gave it to me for gas when I started driving so I wouldn't have to worry about carrying cash on me for gas, and I've been the only one who uses it since then) and I do have cash, and most of the time I pat for things in cash but when it comes to buying things online *cough*likekpopalbums*cough* you need a card to pay for that... and the only card I have in my wallet is my 'gas card' since I closed my debit account when I moved back home... so whatever I use that card for my dad can see because that account is still under his name, and I mean I have the cash for it in my own savings it's just the the actual online transaction requires a card and currently the only card I have is to an account he can see... 👀

so I really need to set up a new debit account at the bank in my hometown so that I can have a card that I can use to spend my money without my dad knowing about all of my purchases

And so that he doesn't get emails like "we think that this $140 charge is probably fraud" and then me having to be like "haha no, that's your disappointment of a daughter trying to buy kpop albums 😅" and having to explain to him why on God's green earth I am Like This™ ahdhsksagdhskdjdj

Tl;Dr: I wanna set up a new debit account so that I'll be able to spend (my own) money without my dad knowing about the things I buy 😅

Pretty U: If you were to write a book, what would it be about?

Hmmm, I've never thought about writing a book 🤔 I do write poetry (sometimes, when I feel like I have a good idea) so maybe a book of poetry? Although when I took a poetry workshop class in college we had to complete a portfolio to submit at the end of the semester so I had to have like, 18 poems that I was happy with written by the end of the semester to put in a booklet, and that was a little challenging for me because I'm a chronic procrastinator and a lazy perfectionist... 👀 so it might be a struggle for me to write a whole book of poems and be happy enough with it to get it published, lol 😂

Very Nice: What has made you happy recently?

My sister moved out in May and has been living in a house near her college with some of her sorority sisters this summer (cause that's where they're gonna live during the school year) so I haven't really seen her much at all for a while, aside from short visits, usually with her boyfriend tagging along (and I like him! He's very sweet, I don't mind when he comes home with her, it's just that I haven't really had much time spent with just Maren and my parents in a really long time), but we're going on a little mini-family trip to Wisconsin this week so I'm gonna get to spend some time with her and that makes me happy :)

(Also my favorite beer is only sold in Wisconsin so that's also an extra bonus of this trip... 👀👀👀 lol)

Clap: What’s the most recent show you’ve binge watched?

I'm currently binge watching Touch Your Heart and it's soooo good!!!

The last thing I fully finished bingeing was Strangers From Hell/Hell is Other People..... so that's, a very abrupt turn around 😂😂😂

Other than kdramas my mom and I recently finished bingeing Parks and Rec together! Haha

Call Call Call!: What is the last meme you saved on your phone?

This probably doesn't count as a meme, but it is my most recently saved pick and dear Lord is it relatable:

Lmao,

This is my most recent meme, and I think by now I've gone on enough tangents that you're probably well aware of my tendency to overshare akdhdlskd:

#relatable

I'm so sorry that I blanked on this!!! How about you? (except the meme one obviously, unless you wanna describe it I guess?? lmao, up to you 🤷) I hope that you've been doing well!!! 💗

#caratanonevent #💎 anon #kaptain's mailbag

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salem-saint · 5 years

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hi team! my name’s maddie, and i’m in scotland in the gmt timezone, so i’ll generally be online at different hours to the majority of the group because of it lmao! salem’s full bio is here, but i’ve also put it under the cut for anyone that’s mobile. i’m super excited to start plotting with everyone - i’m dashing out to work pretty soon but i’ll be reading everyone’s bios and sending out some messages either late tonight or first thing tomorrow :) and obv feel free to message me if you have any ideas! my discord is maddie#5000, i’ll add ppl there as it’s generally a faster way to reach me than on tumblr

xxx

Wesley St. Ives was one of the most well-renowned senators from New York State. His reputation was perfect, barring one thing: his son. Salem was born troublesome. As a newborn he screamed relentlessly, and more often than not Wesley would have the nanny take Salem out for long drives at night just so he could get some rest. It quickly developed into less of a relationship between son and parents, and more of an acknowledgement of existence. At mealtimes he was picky and threw tantrums when he didn’t want to eat his vegetables, so the nanny was instructed to take Salem for mealtimes elsewhere. At work functions, Salem would be rude to the people Wesley most needed to impress, embarrassing the family.

They thought they might have some peace when Salem was old enough to be enrolled in kindergarten. Being a senator’s son, he was sent to the finest private kindergarten in New York, only to be turned out months later for causing too much trouble. He constantly disrupted naptime, refused to eat the snacks that were prepared for them, drew frightening things during fingerpainting time, and insulted the teacher as imaginatively as his five year old mind would allow for.

Despairing of their son, the St. Ives’ sent their only child to a less elite school in the quieter suburb of Manhasset. He wasn’t removed from this one, but they still got far more calls home than they would have liked. Salem had learned quickly that his parents both had such busy schedules - when they weren’t working, they were attending social functions necessary to further their careers. The only way he could reliably get their attention, was by acting out. His parents might be furious when they had to sit in the principal’s office listening to his latest misdemeanours, but at least they were there.

As he got older, his anger grew more into apathy. If his parents weren’t going to make the effort, why should he bother? He became withdrawn, rarely acting out in class except to make snarky comments when called upon by the teacher. Making friends was difficult for him, because he was embarrassed to invite people home. His family was ridiculously wealthy, and he didn’t want anyone to see that. He didn’t want anyone to see how his nanny, Armelle, was more of a mother to him than his own biological mother ever had been. He rejected the lifestyle his parents laid out for him, because it had never done him an ounce of good. They bought him expensive designer clothes, and he shrugged them off in favour of beat up bomber jackets and jeans with holes through the knees that he’d bought in thrift stores. He was no longer rebelling to get his parents’ attention, he was simply rejecting what felt like a predetermined life. He didn’t want to follow his father into politics, and that was where the two most often butted heads. He forced Salem to join the debate team at school, where he excelled when he tried - though more often than not he threw the debate by making irreverent jokes.

He was a lonely, angry child, and the first time he really remembers laughing in school was when The Jokester got moved next to him. Salem couldn’t even tell you what joke they made that so tickled him, but he did remember looking up with bright surprise in his eyes, grinning. They were the first person Salem ever invited back to his house - and god, did they laugh about it. Salem, in his punky little leather jacket, was the son of a high flying politician? There was too much material for them to not tease him about it, but somehow he didn’t mind. It didn’t feel like they were laughing at him, as much as with him. He settled with ease into a friendship with them, and the Punching Bag followed shortly after. More often than not, the Punching Bag was the butt of Salem and the Jokester’s humour, and sometimes Salem felt bad about that. But in the end, the whole thing was too cathartic for him to give up. If the Punching Bag ever thought they’d taken things too far, Salem was sure they’d speak up.

Or maybe he just said that to appease his guilt, because it did weigh heavily on him.

It felt like such an unlikely group of friends into which he fell, during the years of his schooling. Some of them were people he would never have looked at twice, but somehow they formed a happy little group. Salem, for his part, was more happy on the outskirts, drawling out sarcastic comments. He liked that it made people laugh. They didn’t think he was a waste of potential like his father did, they thought he was funny. Maybe he’d have spoken up more with the squad, but in many ways he felt almost shy around them. He actually cared what they thought, and he didn’t want to spoil his reputation as a funny guy, the one with the pithy remarks. Of course, he lost himself so much in that image that he often crossed boundaries. He said things that were too mean, things friends shouldn't say to each other. It meant more to him than he would ever say that they forgave him anyway.

The Squad made home life easier to deal with. He saw his parents less and less over the years, sometimes barely even aware of what country they might be in. He was left alone with Armelle for the most part, which suited him fine. She was only fifteen years older than him, an au pair practising her English in the States. It was only supposed to be for a year, but in the end she enjoyed her work, and the many perks the St. Ives supplied to her, enough that she stayed till Salem graduated high school.

To all appearances, Salem was a highly independent young man. But he did rely on his family for one thing: money. And his father had always threatened that if Salem didn’t keep his head on straight, he’d never see a single cent of the trust fund that was saved away for when he turned twenty one. And he hated to admit it, but that money would make a real difference. He just had to play along until his twenty first birthday. What ‘playing along’ meant, was getting good grades at school. It surprised many of his classmates, because Salem rarely participated in class, and always had a scathing attitude towards things, but after school he knew how to knuckle down. His homework was always done, even if he tossed it onto the teacher’s desk with the air of someone that couldn’t be bothered. He stayed up late studying for exams, and sometimes he even stood out. English was his favourite subject - he loved writing, particularly poetry, although his father discouraged it.

When Salem was accepted to study economics at Cornell, he wasn’t going to pretend it was because he’d really worked for it. There was no doubt in his mind that the generous donation made by his father had more to do with his acceptance than any real talent he had. Whatever the reasoning though, he had been accepted, and he was going to study a subject his father chose for him, and he was going to grudgingly carry on doing the bare minimum until he got the money. It wasn’t that he was greedy, he just wasn’t stupid - if someone says they’ll give you a small fortune for playing nice, you’ll learn to toe the line expertly.

Salem was miserable. He hated economics. He hated the other students. He stayed in touch with the squad perhaps more persistently than most would have expected of him. He’d always been teasing to the point of rudeness, raising eyebrows as well as questions of whether he really liked any of them at all. But the truth was, he’d come to depend on them in many ways, and Cornell was sapping the life out of him. He persevered for a year, surviving largely on the texts and emails he got from the members of the squad that kept in touch, and then during the summer vacation before second year he went to visit Armelle in Paris.

She’d flown back once Salem graduated high school; she’d cried, he’d pointedly told her to get a grip. It made her laugh. She’d always been the only family he really cared for, and his parents were happy enough to fork out for plane tickets to get him some culture. The trouble was, he didn’t come back. At nineteen years old, he moved in with Armelle, and sent an email to Cornell telling them that they could eat his entire ass if they thought he was coming back for one more semester at their insufferable university.

At first he wasn’t sure what to do with himself. His father cut him off entirely - no contact, no money, no home to return to. His mother tried in vain to mediate, but Salem and Wesley both preferred it this way. Salem didn’t want their money if it meant following their dreams instead of his own. Paris suited him: the people were generally rude and arrogant, the food was excellent, and the literature, exquisite. He began writing again, after having lost his passion at Cornell. It didn’t exactly pay the bills, so eventually he took up a job in a bakery so that he wouldn’t be such a burden on Armelle. Thanks to her efforts over the last nineteen years, he was more or less fluent in French, so he didn’t struggle. But he did submit his poems to several magazines, and got a few published. It brought in some money here or there.

It felt more like the life he was supposed to be leading. He woke up early, went to the bakery to stock the displays and sell as much as he could, and in the evenings he would sit outside some little cafe sipping red wine and scrawling out poems about life and love and beauty, largely spiked through with a sharp sense of nihilism and cynicism. Salem never quite lost his pessimistic streak. He stuck at it, and eventually published his own little poetry anthology, written dually in French and English, and found a moderate amount of success. Not quite enough to stop working at the bakery, but enough to keep him happy. Over the years, he lost touch with most people. He hasn’t heard from his parents in almost ten years, and barely touches base with any of the squad. He missed them, and their influence was in many of his poems, but he was worlds away. He had new friends in Paris. Now that he’d grown up Armelle was more of an older sister figure to him, and he went out to meals with his colleagues, and fell in and out of love with various people. High school was just a distant memory, until he woke up one morning to a message from The Soul.

Of course it was bad news. You don’t reach out to a friend you’ve not seen in a decade just to say ‘hi’. Despite all the years that passed, he had never forgotten how the Squad had made him feel a part of something when he’d felt like nothing more than an angry loner. He owed it to the Soul to go back and offer some support, so he dipped into his meagre savings and flew back to Manhasset as fast as he could.

In many ways, he’s still the same person they all remember him as. His sense of humour was always cutting, and the sharp French humour has done nothing to appease that. He’s still quiet, happy enough to let other people do the majority of the talking. He’s still more at ease sharing quiet, humorous glances with one person than being in a larger group. But he’s also calmer than they recall, more at peace with himself, and quicker to realise if his comments are taken the wrong way. Salem is a lover, not a fighter, but you’d never guess from the lazy drawl with which he snips at people.

#thesquadooc

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